I agree. It is very unsettling to hear that a stranger "stalked the st out of you" and i would prefer direct help.
> Regarding suicidal thoughts, they ARE normal for many people and perfectly rational given their conditions and length of suffering. It's not an attitude problem or something therapy or pills can fix. Sometimes those things can help COPE temporarily but it's not a fix of the root cause. I know it's hard to understand that if you have never been there and there was a time I would swear I could NEVER think that was valid but experiences changes you. In my view nobody wants to die, even when they claim so, they just want the pain to end and can't find a way here in life...sometimes because there simply IS no way...others because they can't get the real and tangible help they need.
i agree alot. I had a hard time in my 20's. My parents live in another country. I was living in this "new" city on my own with problems i couldn't handle. I was always on the brink of being homeless.
I didn't want to take counseling mainly because they wouldn't fix the root of my problems: No income, but a lot of debts.
What if i took 3 Months of therapy? I would still have my debts. It is important to find the root cause and tackle it directly.
Don't get me wrong: Therapy can help alot. But the therapist is not going to get a job for you.
I had to do it on my own. It was even hard to get out of bed for me. But i did. Because of the wake up call.
We live in a society where 90% of the people have to work for their status. If you don't work, you don't have money. I don't like the idea of "making a living". Living should be a human right. But the reality is: it isn't. You have to work in order to have a place to sleep or get food. Living on Food stamps only keeps you alive. You are not part of society. In hindsight, i did miserable comparing to all my friends (most of them PhD students). But i am a huge success comparing to the vast majority of people who are living in 3rd world countries. Back then i had forgotten how lucky i am to be born in a rich country. Today i still live a simple life, cause i use every extra penny to pay my debts, but i am grateful for what i have! And one day, i can have a vacation. Something i didn't have in 8years.
I wish you all the luck and hope I didn't belittle your situation. I am glad you had the opportunity to turn it around. I am also envious and was surely reacting partially because of that and the frustration of my own life. I have had close friends who were able to dig out of various kinds of holes and the universal truth was they had access to various options...social systems, family, were physically healthy and had the option to change environments etc. Not everyone has the same available paths to recover and I often, maybe unfairly, get frustrated with people imagining it's like that and if "that guy can do it so can you so why aren't you doing it?" and they just refuse to see the confirmation bias.
I don't think there is anything wrong with giving therapy a try if one is depressed or has other issues. My problem is people seem to focus on that and pills rather than the underlying issue...whether that be physical illness, money troubles, no support network whatever. When someone is suicidal people react with this idea the fix is psychiatric care. I disagree with that entirely for the majority of cases. If the boat has a huge hole in it you need to plug the hole before you can effectively bail and dry things out...otherwise it's a losing battle and all the positive attitude, introspection, and coping skills in the world won't keep you above water and you are just avoiding reality while drowning. Some people get through it to the end like that...I have not been able to.
I am frustrated mostly because I know I could at least live out life if the conditions were right. I will never be truly happy or have my dreams fulfilled because my physical health is permanently damaged, but I COULD realistically survive and not feel this terrible if I could only access the conditions that are just on the other side of an ideological, political wall so close I can see them. So it goes for countless people...lest I sound like it's all about me.
I don't know exactly what your situation is and I don't want to make assumptions. I understand you lost your job, because of your long-term illness and you feel like you can't have your dreams fulfilled. I can imagine how hopeless and depressed that must make you feel.
However, I don't think it's true that someone who's physical health is permanently damaged can't be truly be happy. Sometimes the underlying issues can't be fixed easily, but what can be fixed is our attitude towards them.
Truthfully about everything. Health problems caused money and relationship/family/people problems caused everything else problems and I have reached a point where hope isn't even something I can fool myself with anymore. I have a draft of a post I wanted to make outlining things and will try to clean it up in the next days.
In order of what I would prefer:
1. New body and a time machine to avoid surgery.
2. Robust social care/access to reliable doctors I know and trust etc for the long term if I have to live in this body so I have peace and time to work forward.
3. Some means to earn that is physically and mentally sustainable that won't bury me even further so I can buy "at least survivable for me" conditions.
#1 is impossible...#2 is possible but not here (USA)...#3 is the only one I see being MAYBE a real option which could help lead back to #2 somewhat but it all requires a lot of things to fall into place, lots of kindness, and lots of luck. All 3 things that have been in very short supply in my years of dealing with this. Still trying though...depending on the day.
> Regarding suicidal thoughts, they ARE normal for many people and perfectly rational given their conditions and length of suffering. It's not an attitude problem or something therapy or pills can fix. Sometimes those things can help COPE temporarily but it's not a fix of the root cause. I know it's hard to understand that if you have never been there and there was a time I would swear I could NEVER think that was valid but experiences changes you. In my view nobody wants to die, even when they claim so, they just want the pain to end and can't find a way here in life...sometimes because there simply IS no way...others because they can't get the real and tangible help they need.
i agree alot. I had a hard time in my 20's. My parents live in another country. I was living in this "new" city on my own with problems i couldn't handle. I was always on the brink of being homeless. I didn't want to take counseling mainly because they wouldn't fix the root of my problems: No income, but a lot of debts. What if i took 3 Months of therapy? I would still have my debts. It is important to find the root cause and tackle it directly. Don't get me wrong: Therapy can help alot. But the therapist is not going to get a job for you. I had to do it on my own. It was even hard to get out of bed for me. But i did. Because of the wake up call.
We live in a society where 90% of the people have to work for their status. If you don't work, you don't have money. I don't like the idea of "making a living". Living should be a human right. But the reality is: it isn't. You have to work in order to have a place to sleep or get food. Living on Food stamps only keeps you alive. You are not part of society. In hindsight, i did miserable comparing to all my friends (most of them PhD students). But i am a huge success comparing to the vast majority of people who are living in 3rd world countries. Back then i had forgotten how lucky i am to be born in a rich country. Today i still live a simple life, cause i use every extra penny to pay my debts, but i am grateful for what i have! And one day, i can have a vacation. Something i didn't have in 8years.