I'd imagine the massive power imbalance makes this effectively impossible.
That said, I think it's irrelevant. We're adults, and should be able to recognize that this isn't a fairy tale where you see someone and fall in love at first sight and need to risk it all to make it work.
This is a business relationship. If you're looking for love, look somewhere else. If you're looking for something a little more tawdry, then doubly so look somewhere else. It's just not appropriate in this situation.
> We're adults, and should be able to recognize that this isn't a fairy tale where you see someone and fall in love at first sight and need to risk it all to make it work.
> This is a business relationship. If you're looking for love, look somewhere else.
This analysis, while capable of broadly preventing harm, seems to overlook some reasonable situations.
Scenario: male VC, female founder. Have interacted numerous times at casual events over the past year or two, with several longer/more meaningful conversations. No business relationship between them, and no deals on the horizon. Some apparent mutual chemistry and interest. The extent of this romantic potential is not fully known yet (obviously).
Is it still wrong to cautiously and respectfully pursue this, at least while both parties appear interested? To me that would feel like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
If it's not obvious, I'm assuming a decent level of maturity and self control here.
I'm sorry that I was overly accusatory of you directly. I tend to have a belief that what people spend their words on in a comment thread is an indicator for how much they fractionally care about a particular thing. I recognize that this is not always true for everyone. Mea culpa.
R.e. tangents, there are of course cases where they are just fine. But as in real life, sometimes they are less appropriate, and sometimes they would be considered quite rude. I think it's easy to lose sight of that online. I think it's worth asking yourself whether this particular topic might not be the time to be bringing up tangents about the permissibility of/avenues for dating people who are seeking investment with one's VC firm. At least one person has found it off-putting, and while I'm an oddball and as unique as any other human person, I know several others who would likely feel the same way.
Thank you for this genuine and respectful response, it's a rarity in many online communities (although I think HN is better than most).
I knew I was taking a risk, and tried to frame my comments accordingly. Looking back, I probably could have a done a better job, especially given the sensitive nature of the topic. I also don't think I was clear enough about what I was actually asking, and how it is different from the situation in the OP.
Re, my willingness to post this: I couldn't really think of a better time or place to bring up the discussion on HN. I suppose I could make a separate "Ask HN" thread, but I'm not sure that would have worked out well. I do think the line of question is worthwhile, as opposed to only having a bunch of comments describing their particular opinion of actions of the person in question, and not much deeper discussion. I was hoping to spark an interesting and thoughtful discussion.
Another reason: I was feeling a bit desensitized and outrage-fatigued, given all of the news and events lately, and I imagined some others were as well. I hadn't made any comments like this in any of the other threads about sexism in tech on HN that have been popping up.
However, I do understand why you found it off-putting -- thank you for sharing. I hope you understand that I don't think an apology is needed or appropriate, but I will definitely keep your remarks in mind.
That said, I think it's irrelevant. We're adults, and should be able to recognize that this isn't a fairy tale where you see someone and fall in love at first sight and need to risk it all to make it work.
This is a business relationship. If you're looking for love, look somewhere else. If you're looking for something a little more tawdry, then doubly so look somewhere else. It's just not appropriate in this situation.