Agreed, the parents asked the child's permission too frequently rather than simply taking control.
I don't ask my dog permission when I take him outside, but I see many owners that do and they have dogs that quite frankly I would be scared to let small children be near. And I truly believe the same principles apply to children as animals, the nature of the relationship is vastly more complex but authority isn't. You're the boss or you aren't.
These parents were not the bosses of the household, Alex was. My father was the boss, it was an undebatable fact and I experienced very little drama in my childhood. I never got grounded, and I rarely got disciplined because if I ever did something wrong I simply had to be told not to do it again.
> I don't ask my dog permission when I take him outside,
I hope that you don't feel the dog-to-child comparison is 100% accurate. Running your house like a pack of dogs (or frankly a boot camp) might not be the best way to raise children. You don't want to raise children that: 1) can't think for their own b/c they only know how to memorize/regurgitate or 2) will instantly rebel and 'go wild' when control is released (i.e. university/college).
> My father was the boss, it was an undebatable fact and I experienced very little drama in my childhood. I never got grounded, and I rarely got disciplined because if I ever did something wrong I simply had to be told not to do it again.
This evidence is just as anecdotal as the people that say, "My computer runs Windows and I've never seen a BSOD so therefore anyone that experiences a BSOD must have been asking for it." Also, read the comment (currently) above this thread that refers to further information that was cut from the final draft of the article at Alex's request. It adds more context to the story.
On the other hand, there is some evidence for having a strong father figure. e.g. Ted Nugent has stated that it was his up-bringing that kept him out of drugs and alcohol even while hanging out with notorious drug users like Jimi Hendrix. (Though many people might not see the 'Motor City Madman' as a role model to aspire too; I don't share a lot of his views on politics, etc)
I said, I believe the principles apply, it's not 100% accurate because humans are infinitely more complex than even the smartest breeds of dog. However the principles do apply.
I believe in authority not in a disciplinarian as the head of the household. I've seen parents who are simply discipline 110% of the day, and you don't necessarily just get #1/#2 that you pointed out, you too frequently get #3 which is balls-out-psycho-shit teenage runaways and daily physical altercations. Incidentally, this is seen in dogs and especially in the obedient breeds who can be consistently disciplined and obey.
I don't mean treat our children like they are dogs, but treat them evenly, fairly and consistently like you would your dog. The parents in the article never acted consistently, they fully knew what behaviours they wanted out of their son but never showed the consistency in their efforts to control it. (I understand there was more in the story about him accessing pornography, however there's ways to relent on a situation without essentially saying 'fuck it, do whatever you want', they could have bought him a playboy subscription either magazine or TV rather than give him free access to the billion different fetishes available online that - allegedly - manage to screw up the marital lives of mature adults)
I mean I lost all respect for these people when they not only flat out gave up on stopping their son trying to date a homeless woman, but aided their son in doing so by moving her into their house, buying her clothes and trying to help her. (It might sound like a noble act, but they essentially bought a homeless woman as a prostitute for their 15 year old son)
It's simply ludicrous why these adults thought this was an appropriate thing for them to be doing. They gave their son free access to pornography and essentially bought him a prostitute. It's a miracle they haven't been charged with aiding and abetting child abuse by repeatedly allowing a legally responsible adult to have sex with their under-age child.
If you read the father's comments on the article, the courts were involved with trying to separate their son from the homeless lady, but apparently not even that was enough to stop it.
Different people respond differently to the same situations. It's not as simple as "lay down the law, and the child will behave". Sometimes that seems to work great, as with you, and sometimes it works out fairly badly (as with me... ;) ). It might well be that you'd have been a well-behaved child even had the parenting been completely different; twin studies suggest that quite a lot of behavior is built-in.
I don't ask my dog permission when I take him outside, but I see many owners that do and they have dogs that quite frankly I would be scared to let small children be near. And I truly believe the same principles apply to children as animals, the nature of the relationship is vastly more complex but authority isn't. You're the boss or you aren't.
These parents were not the bosses of the household, Alex was. My father was the boss, it was an undebatable fact and I experienced very little drama in my childhood. I never got grounded, and I rarely got disciplined because if I ever did something wrong I simply had to be told not to do it again.