If you've read Dale Carnegie, can you share what eye-opening things you learned, and what principles you now practice having read it? I read it a few years back and now find I can't remember anything specifically from it.
I personally visualize & associate them and use them as much as i can:) I believe smiling is the single most important thing of the list.
Here are the first nine principles with Number - Keyword - Visualization Technique :)
#1 Don't criticize, condemn or complain :
One - RUN- A horse in a race crossing the finish line with THREE GOLDEN BOOTS on top it, with "C" imprinted.
#2 Give honest, sincere appreciation :
Two - ZOO - You're vising a zoo and standing buy a monkey cage. You throw a banana at the monkey and monkey throws back a bouquet of ROSES.
#3 Arouse in the other person an eager want :
Three - TREE- You're in front of the Rockefeller Christmas tree. All of a sudden, the tree falls to the ground and there is a WANTED poster with your picture on top of it.
#4 Become genuinely interested in other people :
Four - DOOR - You're walking out of a grand hotel, through their revolving door, when the door gets stuck in a stack of 25% INTEREST bearing treasury notes :)
#5 Smile :
Five - HIVE - You're out hiking and come across this huge cave, with a gigantic bee hive on it, with bees buzzing around it. Out that bee hive, sticks out a big yellow SMILEY face.
#6 Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language :
Six - SICK- You're sick and are admitted to the hospital. The nurse brings the syringe and it is about 10 feet tall with a 3 feet needle attached to it. Out of the needle a NAME PLATE is dripping out.
#7 Be a good listener :
Seven - HEAVEN - You look up and see something coming down. It's a flight of stairs. Tumbling down the stairs, is a pair of old HEAD PHONES, that are huge.
#8 Talk in terms of the other person's interests :
Eight - GATE - You're about to cross a railway gate. The bells start ringing and the gate comes down on the bonnet with a thud. Attached to the gate is a MICROPHONE.
#9 Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely:
Nine - WINE - You're dining in an upscale restaurant. The waiter brings you a big bottle of wine on which is it is imprinted "IMPORTED".
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
This is by far the best advice Carnegie made. If you want to get people to level with you, first you need to let them know you yourself are vulnerable, make mistakes and are very much like the opposing party.
Once your each that level, the other party is more prone to listen to what you have to say next. Be it a suggestion, criticism or a direct order.
The best, and most dangerous, lesson I took was the value in 'mirroring' the person you are speaking with. Subtly mirroring their body language and speech patterns shows empathy, similarity etc, and since I wasn't naturally great at body language I found it really useful as I entered the business world.
Unfortunately, this habit ended up becoming second nature. While in many situations this was great - I just naturally found commonality in discussions - because I wasn't doing it intentionally it could become inappropriate.
One of my coworkers was flirting with me incessantly, and not only didn't I notice that behaviour I was actually mirroring it back. My girlfriend (now beautiful wife) met me for lunch one day and was ready to kill me (fair enough). Thankfully we worked through to the root cause - this book - and I changed the habit.
That doesn't take away from the book, it just shows that any of the lessons therein and discussed here will be most useful when you have a level of self-awareness that I was lacking, and which will help you apply them appropriately.
# People love to hear their name. When someone tells you their name, remember it and call them by it
# When someone asks you what you do, or what's new, have a good upbeat answer. No one wants to hear about your problems.