Listen to the book all the way through at least once a month for at least a year. I go for a hike or bike ride on Saturday mornings and often I listen to this book.
The book is like an onion, you have to read it (or listen to it) multiple times, pulling back the layers, more and more, to really get the most out of it.
If you read it after not looking at it in a long time, you will probably slap yourself on the forehead a few times for all the negative social interactions you have been participating in or causing.
Hi read some reviews of this book in amazon and I saw this:
WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
? Don't argue!
Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing.
and I ask what?! don't argue with people? that is exactly my problem, if i don't stand to my points and argue with people they won't respect me for having my own views! I don't think that is a good quality at all! people should be heard!
what do you think?
Its all about optimizing. Arguing with people is affective at times, but Dale's methods are effective much more often and to a greater degree.
It's like trying functional programming. At first it is counter intuitive and you maybe think it sucks. You think to your self this is the opposite of my goals. But quickly your realize "I love this, this is a much better way to live, people actually want to listen to me, I don't have to argue with them."
--------------------
The method is really about using risk to get a big pay off. (Hmm, its kind of like a start up).
-------------------
Here is an example:
James L. Thomas, a former student of mine:
Six customers of a certain automobile company refused to pay their
bills for servicing. None of the customers protested the entire bill,
but each claimed that some one charge was wrong. In each case,
the customer had signed for the work done, so the company knew it
was right - and said so. That was the first mistake.
Here are the steps the men in the credit department took to collect
these overdue bills. Do you suppose they succeeded?
1. They called on each customer and told him bluntly that they had
come to collect a bill that was long past due.
2. They made it very plain that the company was absolutely and
unconditionally right; therefore he, the customer, was absolutely and
unconditionally wrong.
3. They intimated that they, the company, knew more about
automobiles than he could ever hope to know. So what was the
argument about?
4. Result: They argued.
Did any of these methods reconcile the customer and settle the
account? You can answer that one yourself.
At this stage of affairs, the credit manager was about to open fire
with a battery of legal talent, when fortunately the matter came to
the attention of the general manager. The manager investigated
these defaulting clients and discovered that they all had the
reputation of paying their bills promptly, Something was wrong here
- something was drastically wrong about the method of collection. So
he called in James L. Thomas and told him to collect these
"uncollectible" accounts.
Here, in his words, are the steps Mr. Thrrmas took:<p>
1. My visit to each customer was likewise to collect a bill long past
due - a bill that we knew was absolutely right. But I didn't say a
word about that. I explained I had called to find out what it was the
company had done, or failed to do.
2. I made it clear that, until I had heard the customer's story, I had
no opinion to offer. I told him the company made no claims to being
infallible.
3. I told him I was interested only in his car, and that he knew more
about his car than anyone else in the world; that he was the
authority on the subject.
4. I let him talk, and I listened to him with all the interest and
sympathy that he wanted - and had expected.
5. Finally, when the customer was in a reasonable mood, I put the
whole thing up to his sense of fair play. I appealed to the nobler
motives. "First," I said, "I want you to know I also feel this matter
has been badly mishandled. You've been inconvenienced and
annoyed and irritated by one of our representatives. That should
never have happened. I'm sorry and, as a representative of the
company, I apologize. As I sat here and listened to your side of the
story, I could not help being impressed by your fairness and
patience. And now, because you are fair - minded and patient, I am
going to ask you to do something for me. It's something that you
can do better than anyone else, something you know more about
than anyone else. Here is your bill; I know it is safe for me to ask
you to adjust it, just as you would do if you were the president of my
company. I am going to leave it all up to you. Whatever you say
goes." [Risk]
Did he adjust the bill?
He certainly did, and got quite a kick out of it,
The bills ranged from $150 to $400 - but did the customer give
himself the best of it? Yes, one of them did! One of them refused to
pay a penny of the disputed charge; but the other five all gave the
company the best of it! And here's the cream of the whole thing: we
delivered new cars to all six of these customers within the next two
years!
[HUGE pay off for taking a risk]
"Experience has taught me," says Mr. Thomas, "that when no
information can be secured about the customer, the only sound basis
on which to proceed is to assume that he or she is sincere, honest,
truthful and willing and anxious to pay the charges, once convinced
they are correct. To put it differently and perhaps mare clearly,
people are honest and want to discharge their obligations. The
exceptions to that rule are comparatively few, and I am convinced
that the individuals who are inclined to chisel will in most cases react
favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest,
upright and fair."
oops!, I just realize I didn't reference the book. The example from above is not mine. It is a direct Quote from the book: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
Listen to the book all the way through at least once a month for at least a year. I go for a hike or bike ride on Saturday mornings and often I listen to this book.
The book is like an onion, you have to read it (or listen to it) multiple times, pulling back the layers, more and more, to really get the most out of it.
If you read it after not looking at it in a long time, you will probably slap yourself on the forehead a few times for all the negative social interactions you have been participating in or causing.