I'm sorry you feel alienated Kenji. That was not my intention at all. There's more context in my comment above. If you have the time, do take a minute to read.
I was the one that said that in the video. Firstly - a disclaimer: a lot of what was said in the video are snippets taken out of context. But to be fair, we're in an era of fast media, and I understand why everything can't be published. I think Kayla did a good job with the edit, given it's a ~4min video. I think you make a very valid point about the fact that it's a nice ice breaker to ask someone where they're from. But you're speaking as a white male in America, and hence in the majority. For someone like me, who's from Chennai, India, I understand it's a great ice breaker - if the other person knew something about my hometown. Asking a person for the place of origin because they want to establish common ground is a great thing, but when ignorance and misinformation is in the mix - it can get tiresome. Most people know of India from media, which is not a great portrayal of my country. Eventually the where do you "originally" come from, is followed by "Did you have an arranged marriage" or "are you here on a visa". There are assumptions that get tied into my place of origin or color - that don't necessarily exist if I'm white. I've often times been asked about how long I've lived in America simply because people don't understand why my accent isn't more Indian. I did point out to Kayla that this is not something that happens in the tech industry alone. It happens everywhere - and as a foreigner I understand that's a cultural tax I have to pay. There's a reason I used the word "microaggressions" - it's because anecdotally, this is a perfectly fine thing. When added up, it can definitely take its toll. I don't think the answer is to avoid asking such questions - but to understand that people who're not familiar with a certain culture may be misinformed or carry biases that could put the person that's in the minority in a delicate situation. Just understanding that and acting accordingly should do the trick.
I believe you're missing the point I made, or maybe I'm not articulate enough. I don't think there should be any fear. Just awareness. "How should the good people of Chennai act accordingly to the delicate situation they might put me in for asking too many where-are-you-from's?" - That's the thing though, it might not stop with where-are-you-from, and as long as a few people in the group are aware of that, there'll be enough empathy to go around to prevent you from getting "othered". I did mention that it happens everywhere. Nothing is ever done with malicious intent. I can also go into what exactly the context was for this question. Kayla asked me something along the lines of have I faced any issues in the tech industry being a woman of color. And I said "No. Not that I can think of. Sometimes, when people know that you're a person of color, tiny microaggressions....[blah blah] work. But that happens everywhere, not just the tech industry. But I don't think I've ever been discriminated against for it".
Edit: Or it might just stop with "where-are-you-from" :) Which is even worse. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against small talk. And I understand how difficult it can be to think about all this when your sole intention is just to be friendly with another person or build some common ground. I've been scenarios where, after I've told people where I'm from, I've been asked if I've ever had sex (since it's common knowledge that pre-marital sex in India is frowned upon) and I've been in scenarios where people don't know how to take the conversation forward. But I've also been in conversations where the outcome has been a fantastic cultural conversation! My only point being, there's more of a chance that you get asked these questions when you're in a minority group and if you've had certain bad experiences, you might get your shackles on when that question gets repeatedly asked. Is that making any sense? I'm happy to be educated if I'm missing something or should be thinking about this differently.
I haven't had the conversation go in that route since high school (my family came to Canada in the late 90s, when I was 10 - I was born in Chennai, too), and by that point I had learned to turn the tables pretty well. Maybe I've been lucky, and maybe it's just that Canadians approach race differently. Every one of us is an 'other', and it doesn't seem to bother us a whole lot. Most of us anyway, Kellie Lietch doesn't seem to agree.
As an ex-hacker schooler (I was there for two batches), I've been part of countless debates around the whole financial assistance part.
Assuming men are the majority who are interested in programming, and in turn are holding majority of the programming jobs, would you agree with me in hypothesizing that women need a little more security in leaving their jobs, which may not be in the programming field? (I knew quite a few of them who came in from different fields and did programming on the side).
Agreed that the situation in which women are now wrt programming jobs is a chain effect of a whole bunch of other things - with reasons as deep as cultural. But I think the financial assistance is not meant to differentiate, it is only meant to give security to those who need it. A generalisation on that front happened to be in the form of gender. I hope this gives a clearer picture.
Also, I was an international intake and even though I couldn't get a visa to take up a job in the States, HS has only been as helpful as they can be in helping me try.
