I was "supportive" of my friend who came out as trans. I regret this. Like the vast majority of men, he never had a realistic chance of passing, especially since he did not start taking hormones until his mid-twenties. It was a sad delusion, and I was one of many who enabled it. For me, it was the path of least resistance: I didn't want to lose my friend. I wish I had just told him my true feelings, because now he's gone anyway.
My friend followed the classic progression. He had childhood trauma and was never successful with girls. He was depressed and anxious and bitter. Slowly, strangers on the internet with anime avatars sold him on the fantasy that transitioning could solve his problems. He fell for the meme. And I have no doubt that it did help, for a while. It gave him a community that constantly reassured him that he was doing the right thing. Coming out as trans was scary, but it made him feel brave and unique. It made him feel like he was finally reasserting some control over his life.
He had a decent shot at a normal life. Over time, his dating prospects would have improved. He might have had a family. I know that he would have made a good father. Now that future is gone forever. Because after the initial euphoria fades, grim reality sets in. No one showers you with praise anymore. The honeymoon is over, and the depression and anxiety are still there. There is nothing left to do but chase the dragon: FFS, VFS, SRS...each surgery gets you some attention and support again, but eventually there are no surgeries left to perform, and you have to face the prospect of living in this body for the rest of your life.
I'm sorry to be harsh. But I swore that I would never be complicit in this process again. It is a mark of a truly sick society, and our descendants will look upon it with a mixture of disgust and disbelief. I pray that you come to see your situation clearly before it is too late.
WOW, please don't say shit like this to people. You have no idea what my life has been like and you have no place projecting your single anecdote onto others. I "reconsidered" once already and it was the biggest mistake of my life and wasted the past 10 years where I could have been making progress towards my goals.
If you convince even one person to give up on their identity because of this pettiness then you should know what an awful thing you've done. I'm glad you put "supportive" in quotation marks, because based on how many times you've referred to your friend with male gendered pronouns (and other evidence) I doubt very much that you were actually supportive. Sounds like a good thing that your friend has "gone away", which I hope just means that she got far away from you.
Also it's disgusting and ignorant for you to imply that childhood trauma causes people to become trans. I was also abused as a kid and I've heard this argument too many times from people who don't know what they're talking about. Queer kids are targeted because they are queer. Because of the shame society puts on being different, they are far less likely to report something. Your causality is backwards.
When you talk about having a "decent shot at a normal life", I think you're assuming what's desirable for you is what's desirable for other people. It's hard to imagine someone finding fulfillment in being the lifestyle you had in mind for them if they're finding anguish in it already.
Right, having this sort of preconceived notion of what beauty and success should look like is entirely the problem in the first place.
I listened to people like this throwaway account and tried to hide from my feelings because I wanted to be "successful" and live the easier life where I would have more opportunity etc.. So I worked hard, got ahead in my career, married a beautiful woman, bought a big house, nice car, blah blah. I was a very "successful" man, but I was totally miserable.
Honestly this shit bothers me so much. You're worse than the people who call me a fag, because at least they aren't under some delusion that they're being helpful.
I was "supportive" of my friend who came out as trans. I regret this. Like the vast majority of men, he never had a realistic chance of passing, especially since he did not start taking hormones until his mid-twenties. It was a sad delusion, and I was one of many who enabled it. For me, it was the path of least resistance: I didn't want to lose my friend. I wish I had just told him my true feelings, because now he's gone anyway.
My friend followed the classic progression. He had childhood trauma and was never successful with girls. He was depressed and anxious and bitter. Slowly, strangers on the internet with anime avatars sold him on the fantasy that transitioning could solve his problems. He fell for the meme. And I have no doubt that it did help, for a while. It gave him a community that constantly reassured him that he was doing the right thing. Coming out as trans was scary, but it made him feel brave and unique. It made him feel like he was finally reasserting some control over his life.
He had a decent shot at a normal life. Over time, his dating prospects would have improved. He might have had a family. I know that he would have made a good father. Now that future is gone forever. Because after the initial euphoria fades, grim reality sets in. No one showers you with praise anymore. The honeymoon is over, and the depression and anxiety are still there. There is nothing left to do but chase the dragon: FFS, VFS, SRS...each surgery gets you some attention and support again, but eventually there are no surgeries left to perform, and you have to face the prospect of living in this body for the rest of your life.
I'm sorry to be harsh. But I swore that I would never be complicit in this process again. It is a mark of a truly sick society, and our descendants will look upon it with a mixture of disgust and disbelief. I pray that you come to see your situation clearly before it is too late.