Leaving someone with advanced Alzheimer’s in professional care full time is not abandonment. Fiction rarely shows how long it can go on with virtually no memories left and no ability to care for oneself for even a couple hours. (The fictional danger is often shows as the person forgetting where they live and walking off - the real danger is that they will shit themselves, not tell anyone, and get painful skin issues.)
That’s before you get into the emotional side. How many times a year do you think you could meet your mother and have her not know you from a stranger? No, seeing her every day doesn’t help either - it actually makes it worse for both of you.
Alzheimer’s can be such a slow death you’ve already grieved through “acceptance” while your loved one is still, medically speaking, ‘alive.’
The last part about grieving through loss while the person is still alive is very apt. When my mom passed after brain cancer took her memories, she survived for so long with no idea who or where she was that her body dying was a relief and the grieving had mostly occurred a year before.
Well, I’ll never finish grieving that loss I guess. I realize all the time that there’s more to grieve. But the shock was certainly not there. The sense of loss wasn’t. That was difficult in itself; to tell people she passed away and not be as sad as people expected. I felt like something must be wrong with me at the time. In retrospect, she had just died much sooner than her body did.
It’s an especially strange human experience I think.
I realize I misspoke and update my message about why we used a database. I helped someone do a regular URL shortener, but have always been curious about doing a databaseless / no I/O on any server whatsoever based shortener.
Just tell them that you don't want to share it. Or, tell them that you can't share it if it's confidential.
But, share explicitly your expectation with them, and ask them to share range that the they is considering for this role with you to see if it makes sense to continue or not.
Let me fill in with my perspective as a Mac user: I expect the vendor (i.e Apple) to supply a decent desktop environment. The did a quite good job at it. I didn’t need to pay extra, it was included in the sale of the computer.
But X.org isn’t a hardware vendor. It’s not owned by any hardware vendor. It’s not even owned by an OS vendor, or by an OS at all.
Apple is a multi-trillion dollar company. Microsoft and Google are close behind. Of course they can give away their desktop environment away for free. System76 (et al) can’t compete with that. X.org can’t compete with that.
I mean, this is exactly the reason I use Mac, because it ships with a good DE out of the box supported by a trillion dollar vendor. But that doesn’t help people who prefer Linux.
It's worth noting that when Apple first developed the (early versions of the) current desktop environment, they were not just not a trillion-dollar company, they were still considered to be "doomed" and on their way out by a large percentage of those who paid any attention to them.
