Start a journal. Use a text editor, Word, Google Docs, or pen and paper. Whatever suits you. Just write whatever interests you or consumes you. Don't worry about reading it back. Try to write 2-3 times a week until you can get to near-daily practice. Over time, you'll find yourself beyond who you thought you were with your partner. i got divorced after 9 years of marriage at about the same age. It's 15 years later and I am alone and loving it. Of course, I am an extreme introvert. Social, but highly sensitive to disruption. I would never have survived without journaling. I learned to become my own best friend. I learned to feel emotions, but not let them control me. I am more resilient now than I have ever been. Also, read Montaigne. He wrote at the end of the 15th Century. With a few minor gendered habits and patterns of the time, Montaigne writes like a contemporary essayists. Without trying, you will find a lot of common sense observations. He will become a friend. It feels like suffocating now, but take time to breathe every day. It will seem like it takes forever. Administer to yourself. Another read, although far rougher is The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression by Amdrew Solomon. It's easy to read, but hard to feel the weight of Andrew and others perspectives. It can help you feel seen and heard. Start with the initial New Yorker article and then decide on the book. https://archive.ph/eMloR Above all, don't search for advice. Take these posts as encouragment that it does get better. We all have general similarities, but knowing the shape and texture of your perspective will help you develop an inner core you can rely on. You can make it. I did. Take it day by day. Touch grass. Touch fur. And find ways to connect in person and in conversation. Hang in there.
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