This is terrible advice. This means that she would likely be widowed before she is 60 and will either have to start dating again or be alone in her golden years. Also, it doesn’t matter how good his genes are because sperm quality degrades with age and can cause birth defects.
I think you're letting perfect be the enemy of good, which is how the OP got into this mess.
Obviously it's best to meet when the woman is 28 and the man is 32. Then have kids when she is 31-35. The OP didn't do this and is now a bit stuck.
The OP is no longer able to attract the men she used to so she has to find a compromise she can live with. Older men are an option, ugly men are an option broke men are an option. The men she wants are choosing women exactly like her, but 10-15 years younger
Probably she's going to pick the default which is no kids or use a sperm donor.
The problem isn’t that OP isn’t getting anyone around her age who is interested in her it’s that she is rejecting them. I’m not saying she gets perfection. she is out of time to look for a Disney romance and having a family, she gets one and just needs to settle on someone who is likely also settling for her.
While 120 dates sounds like a lot, over 2 years that’s only an average of 5 dates per month. I think it’s a numbers game and you should be meeting like 5 people per week like it’s your second job (this means quick drink after work, and pay for yourself unless you want to see him again). I’m in NYC and this is what I did until I met my now husband; full disclosure I was 33 when we met though so I get that dating is very different at 41.
Regardless, since you desire biological children, you really need to adjust your expectations. You’re not in your 20s and your pool of options is getting smaller— it’s just reality. You listed reasons why you didn’t want a second date with some of these men but I just can’t imagine that Not one of them wasn’t just a nice normal average guy. You are the common denominator.
maybe consider that you’re expecting more than what you can buy in the dating market. You you have to pick from the options you have. It also sounds like you probably need a new accountability buddy; or maybe your perception is skewed and you’re portrayal of these dates is inaccurate. Ultimately, you are at the point that you need to settle for a nice average guy who also wants a family and would also be settling for you.
Lastly, check out this interview with Logan Ury (see link). She's a Google behavioral scientist turned dating coach and director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge. She mentions research shows that only 11% of people feel love at first sight or felt love at first sight with their partner (ie: “spark”). She gives solid advice backed by data.
Have you spoken to your wife about this or gone to therapy together? Is she aware that she is neglecting you?
You’re correct though, it’s about priorities. I’m a corporate lawyer but I always put my husband first because at the end of the line I surely won’t be thinking, “I wish I worked more.” What’s it all for if you don’t have someone to share with.
