Unfortunately true; I opened up a few times to different friends, and it never went well. But more people talking about it is the only way to change that, so thanks for posting!
I was in a similar situation as you; I remember once leaving work at noon claiming to feel sick, but actually it was because I couldn't think of anything except how I wanted to kill myself.
A couple years later, I'm still around, and here's what helped me:
* Bupropion, 150mg XL
* Some basic understanding of CBT
* Adderall
> The obvious solution to these problems are SSRIs and other anti-depressants. These drugs are very powerful but have really bad side-effects for most people that take them.
SSRI's definitely have an unsettlingly long list of side-effects, but keep in mind two things:
1. Not everyone experiences them; anecdotally, my sister started Prozac recently, and she's told me it's been great for her
2. If you do experience side effects you don't like, you can just... stop taking them. There's lot's of different SSRIs with different effects, and from what I've read it's common to cycle though a few before finding what works best.
Also, SSRIs are not the only option. As mentioned, I'm taking Bupropion, which has virtually no serious side effects. Look it up. And if you want to try it, you can just ask a doctor for it; tell them your concerns about SSRIs and just ask for Bupropion. No doctor is going to force you on SSRIs if you don't want them.
Side note: the XL version is the 24, slow release version. Works much better for me than the standard 4 hour tablets I started with.
On the topic of CBT, as others in this comment section have recommended, I read Feeling Good by David Burns, and it did help. It wasn't enough on its own, but a basic understanding of CBT goes a long way. The basic idea is training yourself to recognize bad thought patterns and taking action before they affect your mood. Honestly, it's stuff everyone could stand to learn.
Finally, I also figured out that I had ADHD. This was related to my depression because, frankly, it was depressing to struggle to accomplish the basic tasks other people seemed to have no trouble with. Especially noticeable as a programmer, where intensely focusing on a single thing for a long time is... basically the job description. Adderall has been a life changer for me.
> Have you been able to triumph without chemical assistance and what did that look like? Is my utter terror of these drugs warranted or should I just bite the bullet and try them?
I totally get the mindset of not wanting to take drugs. It feels like a crutch; something you shouldn't need to do. But eventually I realized that taking drugs daily wasn't any different than wearing glasses daily. I need the glasses to correct a biological defect with my eyes. I need the drugs to correct a biological defect with my brain. Humans are fragile, and a lot us aren't built to spec. The great thing about living in the modern world is that we can actually fix these problems.
+1 for Bupropion; completely life-changing for me; after doing some research I've come to understand that it's completely different from other "anti-depressants" and gets bunched with them for their "bad side effects" or whatever.
I've never used their normal search engine, but their image search blows Google out of the water.
I highly encourage anyone who frequently uses Google images to try out Yandex.
What's really interesting is the differences in the results -- it seems like Yandex is actually filtering for high quality art. I've got a project on the back burner to scrape google and Yandex for the same queries and then do different sorts of analysis on them and see if anything interesting pops up.
Going by eye, most photo results on Yandex are higher resolution, and more saturated. It also doesn't pull images from video thumbnails like Google does.
seconded. it's stellar, even better than what google used to be. feed it a cropped frame from a japanese cartoon and it returns links to illegitimate websites containing the full episode. google returns a nonsensical ML suggestion and no results
I can relate, and I was in a similar situation not too long ago. I remember dreading weekends because there was nothing to stop me from curling up in a ball and crying the whole day.
And honestly, if you've taken advantage of FMLA, you're actually doing better at taking steps to help yourself than I was!
Medication really helped me. I've been on bupropion for about two years, and it's made for a drastic improvement. I'm actually able to see things for how they actually are, and not let every minor stumbling block or criticism make me think I'm a complete and utter failure.
If recommend finding a mental health clinic nearby and scheduling an appointment to talk about depression. The appointment will probably take half an hour, and at the end the doctor will give you a prescription. This is extremely routine -- you're not suffering from anything a million people haven't gone through already.
If you're scared on being institutionalized or something, just... Selectively tell the truth. I mean, I can't say this is the best idea, but it's what I did when the psychiatrist asked me if I had suicidal thoughts.
I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that your brain is just another body part. If your knee hurts, you go to a doctor and get it looked at. If your vision is blurry, you go to an optometrist and get glasses.
If your brain is giving incorrect responses to stimuli, you go to a psychiatrist and get medication. It's fine and it's normal.
The stakes remain unchanged, because the stakes are the packages.
Since there can't be that much profit in this activity, I think it's reasonable to assume that a lot of the people responsible are doing it just because it's easy.
Here's the timestamped link showing a worker in a modern factory spray painting a door. https://youtu.be/iPhwBUnR_XA?t=442
Now, how common is that? No idea.