
Ask HN: How do you respond to people who tell you they are bored? - oxplot
I know a non-trival number of people who once in a while tell me they&#x27;re bored. Unfortunately I never relate to these people. I always find something to do, now and always, anywhere in any situation. So when I come across these folks, I really don&#x27;t know how to respond in a constructive way. I&#x27;ve told them what they could be doing in the past but that seems to be a temporary fix at best.<p>Kids who tell me they&#x27;re bored really make my head explode!<p>So HN, what would be a good constructive response to &quot;I&#x27;m bored&quot;?
======
srd
I believe your main issue with understanding these things is that you're
conflating (absence of) workload and boredom. Boredom stems from not having
anything that engages a person in a positive way. For example, I can be
drowning in work and still be bored out of my mind, even while working. The
work being done is perceived as being tedious, rote and without positive
emotional impact.

That being said, finding something "fun" to do for a bored person is no easy
task. And sometimes nothing seems appealing to the bored person. You can try
dragging them along, so that they'll get engaged in the process of doing
something, but there's no guarantee that this will work. Sometimes people just
need to be bored, I guess.

------
jcr
The following was taught to me by my dear friend, Reginia. If it worked on
someone as stubborn as I am, it will work on anyone.

Just tell them this:

    
    
      When you say, "I'm bored," you're actually saying, "I'm boring."
    

Essentially, bored people are boring, and boring people are bored.

Surprisingly, it's entirely true. It also works in reverse; interesting people
are interested, and interested people are interesting. Fascinating people are
fascinated, and fascinated people are fascinating.

~~~
davidddavidson
Let's play a fun game of "Spot the logical fallacies!"

> If it worked on someone as stubborn as I am, it will work on anyone.

Hasty generalization

> When you say, "I'm bored," you're actually saying, "I'm boring."

Ad hominem

> ...and boring people are bored.

Affirming the consequent

> Surprisingly, it's entirely true.

Argumentum ad ignorantiam

~~~
davidddavidson
> It also works in reverse

Circular reasoning

------
onion2k
If someone tells you they're bored they're usually looking for help making a
decision about something or permission to do something.

Bored is a state of indecisiveness - no one wants to do something they might
feel isn't enjoyable or useful, so being in a state of boredom is a function
of not being able decide on something to do, or not being able to think of
something to do (although that's much more unusual). The simplest solution is
to incentivize a particular action and change the situation to make something
more worthwhile than all the other things. To do that you need some knowledge
of what motivates the person though, and some power to make the change.

It's worth noting that sometimes being bored is a perfectly correct state to
be in. Occasionally I'm 'bored' in the middle of a large project. That's a
sign that there are things I've yet to form a cohesive strategy for. 'Bored'
in that case is actually shorthand for 'need some downtime to think'.

~~~
davismwfl
Totally agree overall. In general bordom to me is usually a state of
indecisiveness for most people. And there are those who just can't figure out
what to do next. In some cases I think it can also be a sign of depression
too, not that I am an expert there, just something I feel I have seen
personally many times.

I have major issues with the phrase "I can't". I raised my kids to never say
"I can't...." because to me that is saying you failed before you even tried.
Trying and failing is better then never trying to begin with. I am ok with
failure and with "I need help on xyz", but not "I can't". To me "I'm bored" is
in that same boat.

------
pulkitpulkit
Ask them questions - try to dig in to why they are bored and find threads of
things that interest them.

I'd say the holy grail is incepting interest ;-)

