
We are in an abusive relationship with our phones - pavel_lishin
https://conversationalist.org/2019/09/13/feminism-explains-our-toxic-relationships-with-our-smartphones/
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Porthos9K
I didn't have high hopes for this article based on the headline, but there's
some really good material here.

I love this line in particular: "We love our phones, but we do not trust them.
And love without trust is the definition of an abusive relationship."

TBH, this is how I feel about any computing device that comes with a pre-
installed OS. I don't actually feel safe using a computer until I've wiped it
clean and installed OpenBSD, even though I know that there's still the
BIOS/UEFI and the Intel management engine to worry about.

Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why are we doing this to people who don't
know what we know about how tech works?

~~~
pavel_lishin
> _I didn 't have high hopes for this article based on the headline, but
> there's some really good material here._

I don't know why people are so allergic to the word "feminism". I feel like
it's all based on effectively marketing spin by (and sorry to use another
polarizing term, I guess) those who think the current patriarchy system is
working pretty well for them.

~~~
Porthos9K
I'm personally OK with most feminisms. I can even manage a few chuckles when I
read stuff like the _SCUM Manifesto_. However, when I see a headline like
"This is your phone on feminism", I figure there's a non-zero chance that the
actual article will _not_ be a substantive piece of work that examines modern
tech through a feminist lens, but an ill-informed rant about SJWs using phones
and social media to impose their "pomo cultural-Marxist PC agenda" by some
reactionary dudebro who spends too much time fapping to alt-reich memes on
Gab.

~~~
pavel_lishin
I'm glad I was able to provide an enlightening counter-example; I hope you
approach things with a more open-mind.

~~~
Porthos9K
You didn't provide anything of value to me. All you did was impose upon me the
necessity of explaining myself, since it didn't seem to occur to you that it
wasn't the word "feminism" that caused my trepidation, but the uncertainty of
what I would find behind the headline.

~~~
pavel_lishin
I meant the article.

~~~
Porthos9K
I'm sorry. Thanks for clarifying. I suppose I should have figured that out on
my own, but the bit about being "open-minded" must have rubbed me the wrong
way.

The closest thing I have to an excuse is that as a fat man working to not be
fat any longer, I'm always hangry.

------
pavel_lishin
For people who might be allergic to the F-word, try this excerpt by Shneier:
[https://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2019/09/a_feminist_ta...](https://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2019/09/a_feminist_take.html)

> _What our smartphones and relationship abusers share is that they both exert
> power over us in a world shaped to tip the balance in their favour, and they
> both work really, really hard to obscure this fact and keep us confused and
> blaming ourselves. Here are some of the ways our unequal relationship with
> our smartphones is like an abusive relationship:_

> _o They isolate us from deeper, competing relationships in favour of
> superficial contact -- 'user engagement' \-- that keeps their hold on us
> strong. Working with social media, they insidiously curate our social lives,
> manipulating us emotionally with dark patterns to keep us scrolling._

> _o They tell us the onus is on us to manage their behavior. It 's our job to
> tiptoe around them and limit their harms. Spending too much time on a
> literally-designed-to-be-behaviorally-addictive phone? They send company-
> approved messages about our online time, but ban from their stores the apps
> that would really cut our use. We just need to use willpower. We just need
> to be good enough to deserve them._

> _o They betray us, leaking data / spreading secrets. What we shared
> privately with them is suddenly public. Sometimes this destroys lives, but
> hey, we only have ourselves to blame. They fight nasty and under-handed, and
> are so, so sorry when they get caught that we're meant to feel bad for them.
> But they never truly change, and each time we take them back, we grow
> weaker._

> _o They love-bomb us when we try to break away, piling on the free data or
> device upgrades, making us click through page after page of dark pattern,
> telling us no one understands us like they do, no one else sees everything
> we really are, no one else will want us._

> _o It 's impossible to just cut them off. They've wormed themselves into
> every part of our lives, making life without them unimaginable. And anyway,
> the relationship is complicated. There is love in it, or there once was.
> Surely we can get back to that if we just manage them the way they want us
> to?_

> _Nope. Our devices are basically gaslighting us. They tell us they work for
> and care about us, and if we just treat them right then we can learn to
> trust them. But all the evidence shows the opposite is true._

