
Ask HN: How Do You Relax? - markus_zhang
Background:<p>35+, married, no kid but may have one this&#x2F;next year.<p>Career wise, I&#x27;m not completely satisfactory with what I have now (Data analyst). Salary is OK but I prefer more technical work as talking to other people over and over is not my expertise and takes too much of my energy away. Plus the hours is demanding, usually 50 hours per week.<p>So here is the situation that keeps me from relaxation: I need to learn new skills to transfer to more technical positions, but I&#x27;m not sure which one so I kind of spent a lot of time learning skills superficially and never go deep enough to make an impact (on reality or on CV). This brings a lot of anxiety and I simply cannot enjoy a good session of games or watch some movies. Every time I try to play a game or watch a movie, the thought of &quot;you should learn skills instead of wasting time&quot; comes up and fucks up everything.<p>In summary, being anxious so that I do not have patience on my study or relaxation. I don&#x27;t even play games anymore, just watch longplays.<p>I&#x27;m wondering how do you guys deal with these emotions?
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jimmyvalmer
Take comfort in knowing that whatever "skills" you acquire now means nothing
to an employer (perhaps yours) who can readily find them in far younger and
cheaper recent grads who are much better trained in said skills. So kick back,
relax, and play yo games. Anxiety is only justified if you can do something
about it, which at 35+ with kid in the forecast, you cannot.

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shams93
Brutal but real once you hit 45 it's really harsh the unemployment system also
gets hard to use because nobody wants you it assumes a lack of age
discrimination and also assumes the economy is always strong plus they haven't
raised the ceiling for EDD since 1976 so there is a lot to be worried about if
you're over the age of 22 these days .

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markus_zhang
I wonder how other people deal with difficult situations like this (laid off
at 45)...must be pretty tough to them. I'm not particularly worried about the
finance because we have ourselves covered and do not have needs of luxury.
What I really fear is the lack of interesting work to do from now on.

This is part of the reason that I need to find something that I can relax on
and maybe grow a hobby out of it.

I have been teaching myself programming these days but the job is very
demanding so I don't have much brain power left except for weekends.

Maybe I should regularly work out to increase energy level and go from there
instead.

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algaeontoast
Might not be a popular answer among common folk on HN, but for me, once a week
I go to a shooting range and practice with my handgun.

I’m improving a skill, I have to be focused since I’m dealing with a firearm
and most importantly I absolutely must relax AND focus in order to actually
shoot accurately.

Occasionally I’ll go on a “members night” when other members at the range will
bring rare or automatic (properly licensed) firearms to let others shoot. Some
have very cool historical attributes or uniquely engineered features. Many
members are also in software dev as well.

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fargle
Honestly, learning new skills _is_ what I do to relax.

1\. Find something that sparks your interest; could be anything at all. For
example, I constantly read HN, hackaday, etc. when I'm bored.

2\. Duplicate it and perfect it. That LED cube you saw on hackaday, that X11
tutorial, that Arduino controlled coffeepot, whatever. These examples belie my
interests, but you get the idea. Tip: start with something simple; it's always
harder than it looks and in surprising ways.

3\. Then wait for the magic. Inexplicably, that new skill you are growing will
become surprisingly useful for some completely unpredictable, unconnected
activity. Ah, you don't really need an LED cube, but maybe now you know how to
make a better baby monitor with that Arduino.

4\. Repeat, until you don't have time to be anxious or bored. Eventually, it
can grow into a career or a lifelong interest.

Doing something concrete with your hands relieves stress. Learning relieves
stress. Having kids puts everything in perspective. These are all positive,
constructive things.

Watching TV and gaming, not so much. When I do too much of these, it makes me
feel very much as the OP seems to feel.'

 __Don 't __learn new skills to progress in your career. Learn them to relax
and to grow. Learn to measure yourself by your progress on these self-imposed
challenges. And the career will take care of itself.

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_carl_jung
I'm lucky enough to find cooking enjoyable and relaxing. It's something you
have to do every day, so getting good at it has turned that hour-ish slot
every evening into a fun and relaxing experience.

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markus_zhang
Yeah this could be both relaxing and rewarding if you are into it. Did you
pick it up from childhood or got the click later?

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_carl_jung
Much later. Actually only recently.

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markus_zhang
Good luck, I'll probably never pick it up but I appreciate that you share the
exp.

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gt2
Start small! Boil some rice, make a protein salad (eggs, chicken + olives +
lettuce etc), scramble a few eggs. Good luck to you.

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andrei_says_
Out of the mind and into the body: exercise, yoga, dance, slacklining,
cooking, hiking in nature. Sex is great, too :)

Take your friends/kids to the beach and jump in the waves.

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ifend
Flying RC helicopters.

Just got back into it after a 10+ year absence for almost the exact same
reasons as you -- relax, get my mind off shit.

It's stressful as hell (in a good way) but you will clear your mind of
everything once you're in the air (no time to think about work when you're
trying not to nose dive $1000 into the ground).

oh, and the usual stuff: cooking, riding motorcycles, fishing...

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Ascetik
Pipe Tobacco and a Book, or praying.

