
Ask HN: Losing interest in life. What shall I do? - ydieikd8
I currently work for a renowned tech company in US. I am male, 31. I make okay kind of money. Lately, I have been losing interest in everything. I work out 3 times a week. I don&#x27;t have six pack abs but I would say I have healthy BMI. My weight is 149 lbs with height of 5&#x27;7&quot;.<p>At this point nothing excites me besides money.I iust changed job as well but I find that everything at new job is easy and at my previous job I was doing far difficult things.<p>I don&#x27;t know if my lack of interest has to do anything with depression? I am scared to go to psychiatrist as it might create permanent medical record.<p>I admit that I am not best looking person out there. Throughout my 20s I have suffered due to baldness and lack of confidence. Since last one year, I have been shaving my head. It still bothers me that I never had a relationship. Now, at 31 I feeling what is point of marriage and all? I have asked so many women out only to face rejection. I am Indian and have tried arrange marriage route as well. But, only women who seem interested are 30+ or plus size women. Nothing wrong being plus size but my expectation from my future wife is just being in shape and educated enough. Besides that I don&#x27;t think caste or religion matters.<p>I personally believe that apps like Tinder have put men at disadvantage. It has magnified  hookup culture to the extreme so much that we can&#x27;t imagine. Saying just &quot;hi&quot; to a women in coffee shop is now frowned upon. 
Not sure if anyone shares same sentiment. But, I would love to hear from you if you have any advice for getting back on track.
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mtw
I think you need to go out a little bit more.

A few ideas:

* register to a running race such as a 10k or half-marathon. It's a nice motivating goal and it will do a lot to ease your anxiety and depression * pick up dancing. Options depend on what's available in your area. Salsa, or better swing. You will find a lot of people like you in swing. You don't need to date there, and you can make friends with people too, to start with. It's also good exercise * Invest in a creative hobby. For example, look into cooking (instead of eating out), blogging regularly or put time into photography. This can take time but can be very fulfilling

These are really about working on you, instead of focusing on women. Put your
heart into it. And then things will work out

I have a bit more advice, if you like.

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meric
1\. It's frowned upon for you to talk to women in coffee shop, you can't get
Tinder dates and you don't like getting matched with plus sized women, so
marry a woman from 'back home', I think you can find a woman who is educated
also. (And please don't flinch just because they're from home - otherwise
you're doing the same thing other women are doing to you) Hurry up you're
hitting the wall soon.

2\. Learn to pray and meditate. (The grateful kind of praying and wishing
things for others, as opposed to the wishing for things for yourself kind)

3\. Make a friend with a psychologist and see him or her in private off the
record. Best get one who is spiritual from your own religion.

Pretty simple.

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gexla
Have you ever thought that maybe being in a relationship isn't for you? Maybe
you're feeling that you should be in one because of societal pressures?

I live in a country where I receive a lot of interest without effort on my
part. But I haven't been in a relationship in 3 years and zero women have
stepped through my door in that time.

I just like my solitude at home. I have lots of friends. I go out a lot. I'll
take women friends out with me. But at the end of the day I like to return to
an empty house.

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temp-01
I don't think this is an easy subject.. I don't know much of you, what your
expertise is, your hobbies are...

I share some sentiment with you. Right now, the only thing i care about is
money. Friday and Saturday evenings are the times i use for social activities
( more or less). I have never missed a friday or saturday.

In terms of public opinion i'm pretty popular ( i know a shitload of people),
but haven't had a girlfriend in 5 years ( since my 3 year relationship broke).
It's just hard for me i think, not sure. I feel demotivated to try get a
girlfriend, more or less become i probable want "more" then i can get (for
now). I have no problems with getting friends with real hot ones, but haven't
found a good way to get "closer".. I'm not very seductive i think :p

I wouldn't use Tinder though. I meet a lot of people by social interaction ( i
meet with 5-6 friend groups and i get new friends pretty fast).

I'm INTJ though, i learned that some drinking in social interaction made me
"more" confident. I'm an expert at getting friendzoned though :p

Meeting new people, my workflow seems to be the following:

\- Fast multiple people meeting, sport activities. Eg. Group cycling, fitness,
... Don't be afraid to ask for advice if you need some. In fitness, don't try
to be to social. Show up very regularely at the same hours the same days.
Learn to identify the core group. When they see you a couple of times, after a
month you'll probably talk to them more regularely. Then take the "relation"
out of the gym. Same with group cycling, take the relation after the sport,
but wait untill some time. Sometimes there are also group "meetups".

\- Drink something for easier talking / being social ( it works for me), don't
overdue it at first. Don't be afraid to participate in the brain killer
sessions ( when it's getting heavy), be responsible though.

\- Think extreme and say it out loud ( Extreme example, Donald Trump ), this
is only for me. I'm not a gossip guy. I tend to be very objective, but for
being social, identifying something and thinking of it an extreme way is an
easy way to make people laugh and come over as an "alpha male"

\- Be honest always ( if it's a difficult subject, i try to "hide" something i
don't want to say, i go over to another part of the story so they wouldn't
notice it. ). I just do it because it gets me the jail-out-of-free card on
hard social things ( eg. guy brakes up with girlfriend, i still had contact
with her. Went flatout and said it, after the "key" person of the group knew
that it was an uneasy situation for me --> eg. see below)

\- I do tech, they don't understand it. But i genuinely talk about it with
passion and try to make it simple. Referencing some successfull projects and
webshop does help to meet "social status expectations"

\- Invite mutual friends at your home and make them feel at ease. Eg. Some
regulars from the gym, invite them for a drink and a snack.

\- Follow up on the ones that you feel good with on WhatsApp or SMS ( don't do
facebook, it's too "busy"). Being friends with every one is hard work, target
the ones that you can trust and care about. Don't do it too much, as it can be
very busy. Do some things with them in person to build a steady friend
relationship.

\- I always answer too fast. Answer fast sometimes, but not always ( makes you
look desperate), but i just think it's not polite to not answer fast and i'm
always online for my webshop.

\- When groups starts to invite you for activities. Join them and voila. Meet
a lot of new people.

\- I never say "no" on a friday evening or saturday evening for social
activites.

Eg. I've recently met with someone who is really big ( in height), i think 2
meters in total (i'm 1m 78 cm). I just walked up to her and said: "Do you know
what my ultimate dream is? Your legs arround my miliscule small body" ( it's
not miniscule, but she laughed a lot.), we had an entire evening of fun talks.
Last week went to restaurant together. Can't seem to convert in more though :p

Yesterday, a girlfriend bought me lunch @ a restaurant :)

On relationship "side", i have no answers. I have some problems with it too,
but not thinking about it. ( when i'm richer it will be easier i think, not
sure if it's true). Currently have not to many interests in fullfilling my
"occupied relationship status", but i do try it though, perhaps not enough.

~~~
temp-01
Not sure if above helps, but i just feel like a am in the same boat ( felt
depressed for a while, now seems to be getting over it).

I hope anything helps for you, not sure if i was really helpfull... I'm just
trying to be it :)

