
Ask HN: Lack of self-discipline driving me hopeless. Tips? - Damnit
Dear Hacker News,<p>I am a longtime member here. I would never think I would be one of those writing this but here it goes.<p>I have a terrible problem with focus and discipline. I simply cannot manage to achieve both for any prolonged period of times. For the last five years, I have tried very conciously to become disciplined and no matter what, after a few days or weeks at best, the pattern breaks and I am back to my unproductive, terrible self.<p>I also cannot really enjoy or focus on anything or anyone for too long. This is the most scary part. I cannot be in a relationship for more than a week or two before becoming very ambivalent after the initial high. I cannot continue working on projects--all of them I would say I enjoy--for more than a few weeks at most.<p>I am 23 and finishing up school(took some time off to do failed startup). Much of this could be accepted during my teen years and 20s. People close to me respect me for my passion, for my entprenreurial spirit and all of those things. They barely know this miserable side of me and those that do don't know much else to help me.<p>I always thought I knew what I loved(startups). At this point though, anything I love seems to have become very irrelavant. I make new friends and before I know it, I am avoiding them. I want to socialize but before I know it, I'm avoiding it. I want to work on my startup but before I know it, my mind is just in a confused weird daze. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I have so many things to be greatful about. I am 100% confident that I am holding myself back. And yet, I don't know how to get out of this shitless pattern of life.<p>After a million self-help programs and motivation books that haven't been of much help, I thought I'd post this on HN.<p>More recently I have started reading up more on suicides. I am too weak to ever attempt it. But I also never thought I'd ever be so tired and hopeless in life to be googling something so sick.<p>Thanks!<p>-A dude
======
fdschoeneman
Dude, you don't have ADD. You aren't bipolar. You're a normal young man -- or
at least within the range of normal for young men. Forget therapists. Forget
drugs. Forget everything you've been told, and join the Army. Seriously. Trust
me. Yes, yes, I know that you don't know me. But you're describing me in this
post, and a lot of guys I knew back when I was in: Smart guys, but bored.
Can't concentrate in class. Can't suffer fools. Takes a lot to motivate them.
They need to be passionate about something before they will even try it, and
then they try it, and things don't happen as quickly as they thought they
would, and they get discouraged, and their minds wander. And then they try
something else, half-way. Fuck that shit. Become a marine. Try to become a
paratrooper. Do something physical that attracts a better class of recruit,
and don't stop till you get there. It will teach you to finish things that you
start. And along the way you'll probably be doing more good for the world than
any ten Peace Corps volunteers. Yes yes, I saw that Collateral murder video.
Wikleaks is a bunch of liars. When you finish, you'll have learned an
important lesson. Which is that more than anything else, winning requires that
you show up.

After that, if you still feel useless, you will have plenty of time to kill
yourself.

~~~
waterlesscloud
I can say that without question the Marines changed my brother for the better.
Much, much better. From lost and aimless to driven and motivated.

~~~
drguildo
I assume he still has all of his limbs?

------
petercooper
I'm only bringing this up because no-one did but read up on bipolar disorder
and see if any of it clicks with you.

There's a _wide_ spectrum of bipolar disorders (it's not all just super mania
and super depression) and what you're saying sounds like it _could_ be
connected to this (the flip flopping, the doing OK one moment, not so good the
next). Of particular interest should be bipolar II:
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_II_disorder>

Bipolar is, IMHO, a significantly bigger deal than having ADD or a mere lack
of willpower. It is a commonly misunderstood condition and one that a lot of
normal advice regarding depression or personality disorders will _not_ help.
Unfortunately it can also be a very difficult condition to "admit" you have,
especially to yourself, so it's worth at least reading up about it ASAP "just
in case."

Disclaimer: I have a bipolar disorder that's self managed (no medicines) and
over the last few years I've come up with a lot of techniques and tricks to
take advantage of it and reduce its negative effects. Before that, though,
things were.. not so good :-)

~~~
Damnit
Yeah I've read up on it and it's one of my default "jokes" to new
friends("dude! you've no idea how bipolar I am")--only they don't know that I
am not really joking.

Still I have a lot of stigma about officially getting tested for this stuff.

~~~
BipolarBob
Funny this should come up because I'm also a 23 year old university student
(undergrad) and I started medication for bipolar II a week and a half ago.

I've had similar problems with focus and discipline. I've tried alleviating
them by exercising (working out with the ROTC at 6 AM), eating well, making
important commitments, doing Buddhist mindfulness exercises, listening to
Eckhart Tolle, writing myself a contract that I signed in front of my
friends/classmates, trying to create a startup with some good friends, and
many other things that typically ended in (painful) failure. I had successes
here and there, but the mental effort required to hang on until the end was
often huge.

I have the tendency to make commitments and create relationships when I'm in
one of my highs, and then proceed to fumble them when I inevitably reach a
low. I dropped 2 semesters of college before I looked for professional help.

I started by seeing a therapist, not an MD. I found the sessions beneficial
and they helped me get through a rough patch, but after two months things
weren't really coming together. At my therapist's discretion, I saw a
psychiatrist. I told him my situation in it's entirety. I didn't let myself
think about trying to save face. I told him the grittiest details if I thought
they were important for him to understand what I was going through.

I definitely had strong misgivings before making that step. For me the worst
was "What if everyone goes through the same difficulties, and I'm just weak
and cowardly?" However, my track record clearly showed I needed help. It was
mostly a matter of allowing myself to be humble enough to accept it.

After only a week and a half of taking Seroquel, it's hard for me to say how
it's going and where it's going to take me. Early though it is, I've noticed a
change for the better. I like to think it's a temporary solution, like the way
that you would put a tarp over a hole in your roof before you actually get it
repaired.

Psychiatrists and therapists see people for things like this all the time.
It's familiar territory for them. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache
if I'd gotten professional help sooner.

Best of luck

\- Another dude

~~~
mr_twj
Same here but with Olanzapine + Valproic Acid + lithium + Paroxetine - 2 years
in age + a suicide attempt.

------
charliepark
You should absolutely find a psychiatrist or counselor. They deal with people
going through this ALL. THE. TIME.

I absolutely believe that people run to medications too quickly these days,
but drugs like Adderall et al. help people like you to find focus, break self-
destructive patterns, and get back to a baseline of normal.

~~~
Damnit
I have considered addrell many many times only to hear from close friends that
it will turn me into a bot. That's kept me away from it but perhaps I should
reconsider...again.

~~~
j_baker
I can personally attest to the exact opposite. Aderall literally turned my
life around. That doesn't mean that it will do the same for you of course.
Just remember that everyone's different and that what works for you may not
work for your friends.

~~~
Damnit
Could you elaborate how adderall effected you? Totally understand if you can't
but just in case! Thanks a lot.

~~~
MichaelGG
Amphetamines (Adderall, Vyvanse, Dexedrine) and methylphenidate
(Ritalin/Concerta) are powerful stimulants. They'll give you plenty of energy
and ability to focus. This explains why they are rather commonly used by
students and other folks.

The life changing aspect, for me, is that they can sometimes break me out a
depressive episode. I'll have days sitting around, desperately wanting to work
on something, but ending up watching TV, eating, and sleeping. This of course
makes me feel bad about having not done anything, which just worsens the
situation.

Stimulants can change that. Apart from the energy and focus, they often propel
me into doing something. I've taken them, feeling pessimistic and resigning
myself to another day of sitting around. But they'll kick in, I'll pull up my
laptop, and code 8+ hours straight. That bit of progress alone is enough
sometimes to break out of the depressive streak and get on with things.

But please, before starting any medications, make sure you have a psychologist
to monitor you. Do not underestimate suicidal thoughts. The closest I've been
to suicide is when I tried out an anti-depressive. Medication that can pull
you out of depression can also provide you the energy and willpower to follow
through with suicide.

------
patrickgzill
My suggestions:

1\. You will grow out of some of this, even without therapy and/or medication.
At least I did.

2\. Exercise and eat right, try cutting down especially on caffeine, sugar and
anything else that seems to have a weird effect on you.

3\. Take up something you are bad at or that you have never done. Such as
learning a different language, guitar, etc. Reason is that you are skimming
the cream off the top of your abilities - I think if you choose something you
can fail at, then you realized you failed but are still alive, it will give
you a better perspective.

This world is very tough on non-conformists. Hang in there.

~~~
noname123
While OR's reply is really helpful (and funny enough, because I was in the
same situation as you were in when I was graduating school and I followed
pretty much OR's suggestion, weight lifting, taking up guitar and a rec
basketball league and generally not stress out and enjoy life and it worked
really well ... for awhile until my old depression/anxiety came back), I feel
that they are topical medication to much more deep-rooted issues.

Although most don't admit it, graduation from college is a scary experience;
some sees as a transition into the real world, prepared or not, an evaluation
for what they have achieved during college, if they have made up for their
disappointments in high school or a continuation of the disappointments, or as
a crystal ball to determine the future (e.g., a 4.0 GPA in CS/Econ leads to
job at Goldman Sachs or Bio to Harvard Medical School, to a respectable life);
Or "I didn't make any lasting friends or relationships, I'll be a loser for
the rest of my life," or that I have found my niche, geek bent for SF
conventions/hipsters bent for bohemian gentrifying neighborhood/prep bent for
loft in a upscale yuppie neighborhood.

The reason most people can't commit to relationships or friendships are rooted
in their own insecurity; either a feeling of inferiority/superiority when in
company of others, e.g., "Lisa thinks that I'm cool, but she doesn't know who
I truly am, just my pomped-up version of myself in the two times I did her" or
"Fuck Dan, what does he know? He went to an arts school". It could also be
that you aren't sure about what you want yourself, "Should I focus more on
startup's or my social life? Should I climb the corporate ladder or pursue my
own personal vision?"; Unclear personal visions leads confusion to whom you
want to associate with and the values that you want to see in your
friends/significant others.

Add it on top of that is your expectations that come with your startup dream.
What do you wish it to validate? Because most human endeavors, when you boil
down to it, isn't about money. And also, it probably isn't one of those vague
feel-good mantras, "make a difference in the world, " "to innovate," or "to
push envelope." The reason, most of the time is pretty personal, hence the
term, "the revenge of the nerds." Why do you want to pursue your startup? So
that you could be the next Sergey Brin and get invited to your high
school/college graduation as a and say "fuck you" to everyone in the audience,
to get the girl (or the boy), to prove your parents or former best friend or
ex-girlfriend, or to correct something in the unspoken rules in the current
mainstream social conventions that has hampered/traumatized you.

Answer these questions and don't resist it if they lead to paths totally
different than pursuing startup's. Although most people don't like to admit
it, pursuing startup's is like pursuing medicine. In the beginning, the
prospect is exciting and promises the riches and respectability; it is only
later that most people realize that becoming a doctor haven't solved all of
their personal problems and just brought on a whole slew of more professional
problems.

So, don't go to medical school unless you can't imagine doing anything but
medicine.

~~~
Damnit
I considered that. When I returned to school, I promised to stay away from
start-ups for at least a year. My life sucked even more perhaps. Hopping onto
my current startup brought some joy--though not long-lasting. But _nothing_
has brought me long-lasting joy and that may be the crux of the problem.

~~~
noname123
So startup is a important part of what makes you happy, but focusing on it
solely will not make you happy.

Now you are going to have to find out what are the missing ingredients that
will make you happy, and what you are willing to give up in your startup dream
(as hard it may be) to achieve those missing parts.

Because focusing solely on startup's or on banking on the success of your
startup will not help those other parts of your life.

------
csmeder
I have said this 3 times on here already, however, it has been so effective I
feel its worth sharing again.

This is the only thing that has worked for me and it worked fantastically:

1) Start with some Black Tea. In my experience the caffeine in black tea
causes less of crash than coffee.

2) Hemmingways Hack: [http://www.secondactive.com/2009/08/boost-your-
productivity-...](http://www.secondactive.com/2009/08/boost-your-productivity-
with-hemingways.html)

3) And the Pomodoro Technique <http://www.pomodorotechnique.com> This has
hemmingsways hack built in. If done right (read the PDF) it is amazing.

\-----------------------

As far as that last paragraph, it sounds like your depressed.

 _Depression is the most common mental health concern in our culture today.
The main reason for this phenomenon is our dysfunctional lifestyle. We have
stripped away supports such as family and community and replaced them with
material objects, larger homes, entertainment centers, and more time at work
for money and success, rather than interest, meaning, or passion. The lack of
support, connectedness, and meaning leaves people feeling empty, lost, and
depressed. These negatives feelings are symptoms trying to tell us that we're
being deprived of essential human nutrients: to be seen, heard, and
understood. Thus, depression is a healing crisis._ \--
<http://www.wholenesstherapy.com/public/anxiety.htm>

Like everyone else has said go see a counselor. You should be talking to some
one about these feelings.

To me it sounds like you depression is stemming from a feeling of a lack
control and a feeling that you don't have the power to make a change. If you
can, I recommend reading this book [http://www.amazon.com/Transformation-
Understanding-Levels-Ma...](http://www.amazon.com/Transformation-
Understanding-Levels-Masculine-Consciousness/dp/0062505432)

~~~
Damnit
Thanks for the link. I am considering visiting the school shrink.

~~~
BlakeA
After reading your thoughts about how you feel I can honestly say I currently
still feel the same way about my life. It wasn't until Senior year in High
School that I started to have the same feelings as you and experienced
thoughts of suicide or depression along with anxiety and was given Zoloft by a
doctor when I was 18. I was really outgoing in high school though but did have
some rough times my senior year with the typical girl bs causing fights and
what not. I also had a therapist session every other month or so (didnt start
until college) to talk to about whatever really and also problems with my
family.

Pretty much everything I endured with Zoloft and therapy didn't make me more
confident or helped me accept the fact that I don't like to make mistakes and
that in turn makes me like the The Too Many Aptitude Problem - TMA. One thing
it did help me with was my suicide thoughts and even stopped me from writing
good bye letters.

<http://knacks.esmartdesign.com/#Aptitudes_and_Mental_Illness>. - TMA

What I am trying to say is that after every thing I endured over the span of a
1 and half I was on Zoloft I really thought I was recovering from my daze I
had. I felt better but not cured. But it seemed it caused a worse daze making
me just pass through things in my life without real thought. My mind started
to seem off and I changed from my true self. I wasn't as social, I was more
cautious, and I think I lost the person I was in Senior year. This all came to
a realization after I was finally taken off the drug just as my freshmen year
of college came to an end.

One thing that can really help is therapy though. So totally give it chance. I
know I used the tissues in the room a lot when I talked about what I was going
through because his answers/questions always made me really think.

To me any drug with any type of extreme side effects is not a solution but it
could be for you. Just a thought.

Take it easy.

------
mikecane
First, get suicide out of your mind. The very thought is ridiculous. None of
this is worth killing yourself over. Second, what expectations are you setting
for yourself? If your self-vision is not meeting reality, that's a major cause
of disappointment right there. Change your self-vision. Third, who said
anything is "wrong" with you? People have different temperaments. Some people
bond tightly with others, some do not. As long as you're not harboring
sociopathic or homicidal thoughts that prevent you sticking to others, it's
not much to worry about. Fourth, in regards to expectations, do you imagine
what _others_ might expect from you -- and this is the underlying reason to
avoid them? Does having to see other people feel like confronting a school
test, with that sinking feeling you're being put on the spot and might fail?
Well, that's shyness. Medicine claims to have a pill for that, but I really
don't trust mind pills (all pills have revenge effects sooner or later).
Lastly, you are young. The opportunities available to you are many -- perhaps
too many. Whittle down everything to what you really love and want to do. Once
you've got that settled (and this won't happen in just one day, so be
patient), once you know your passion, everything else falls into place on its
own -- because you will naturally gravitate to people who share that and being
around them won't feel like a test. One other thing. You might want to read
_The Outsiders_ by Colin Wilson. This will give you some insight into just how
different people can be -- but that didn't stop any of the people in that book
from gaining prominence. I hope some of this helped.

------
damoncali
Find a therapist. This is the kind of thing they are expert at a fixing. Don't
jump straight to drugs, just find out why you do what you do. There is
probably a good reason for it all. You just need a little help sorting it all
out.

------
Tycho
Maybe you're being too hard on yourself? Most people don't have the productive
energy in the first place that leads to start-ups or side-projects or even
perhaps new friendships. In fact the moments in my life where I feel really
inspired and enthusiastic about something (usually leading to greatly
increased productivity) are few and far between. Sure I'd like to have more of
them, but I don't think I could ever make that the norm. Sounds like for you,
those moments are frequent enough you believe they could be sustained
indefinitely...

Otherwise I don't have much advice except do well for _yourself_ and never be
ashamed of it.

------
rmundo
Are you a perfectionist? Do you want to accomplish so many things your mind
reels with the possibilities, but can't figure out which ones are worth the
all out effort it takes for success?

Did you always think, "I've got some great things ahead of me", and now you
ARE grown up and this IS the future and you're worried about what you have to
show for it?

Maybe you want to have great friendships and do great things and all these
seem to require so much energy and attention and so many steps to not mess up.
If that's the case, I'd say try dialing back, focus on enjoying the journey
and less on the result, because really there is no guarantee that the results
will be awesome.

You say people respect you for many things but that you have a "terrible"
problem with discipline and focus, something I suspect most everyone has.
Maybe you're just giving yourself too much pressure and need to take it easy
for a few months? Since you're still in school, have a chat with a
psychological counselor on campus. To me it sounds like you might be
temporarily stressed out or burned out from the efforts of your previous
startup.

Peace.

~~~
Damnit
_Did you always think, "I've got some great things ahead of me", and now you
ARE grown up and this IS the future and you're worried about what you have to
show for it?_

Yeah, did my first relatively successful startup in high school. Got into one
of the top incubators(may be even YC). Have many people that would kill to be
me. And yet, they don't know about the monsterous rut my life is plagued with
--mostly because when I do get my "mojo", I am super productive and
successful(even if just for few weeks or months).

I am very hard on myself and hate drama. Yet I find myself turning into that
failure I never saw myself becoming and can _never_ accept. Really, I cannot
go a life as a failure. I still have plenty of belief that I can change--but
it's taken _a lot_ of hit in the last five years of trying and falling back to
the same place.

 _Since you're still in school, have a chat with a psychological counselor on
campus._

I'll do this. Last time I went to the school shrink, I was prescribed a pill
but I never used the prescription. I got my idea for a startup and most of the
issues went away(I got into the incubator; startup failed but still did
relatively ok)...but looking back, it seems like it was only a temporary fix.

------
swombat
I know what you mean. I have similar issues. I tried to put together my advice
in a series of articles titled "Hyperbrain user manual", some time ago.
Hopefully you'll find some useful techniques there:

[http://inter-sections.net/2008/08/28/hyperbrain-owners-
manua...](http://inter-sections.net/2008/08/28/hyperbrain-owners-manual-1-the-
big-picture)

[http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/01/hyperbrain-owners-
manua...](http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/01/hyperbrain-owners-
manual-2-accept-and-reject-your-limitations)

[http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/05/hyperbrain-owners-
manua...](http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/05/hyperbrain-owners-
manual-3-keep-tasks-closed)

[http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/11/hyperbrain-owners-
manua...](http://inter-sections.net/2008/09/11/hyperbrain-owners-manual-4-the-
value-accumulator)

[http://inter-sections.net/2009/02/23/hyperbrain-owners-
manua...](http://inter-sections.net/2009/02/23/hyperbrain-owners-manual-5-the-
butterfly-approach)

Hope these help!

------
euroclydon
Definitely find a therapist if you have suicidal thoughts, but also consider
spending some of your time with those less fortunate than yourself. This can
add a lot of perspective. For example, John Vonier founded La'Arche
<http://www.larche.org/home.en-gb.1.0.index.htm> , a set of homes where
individuals with and without mental disabilities live together, and he firmly
believes that the non-disabled benefit at least as much and probably more than
the disabled from the relationship.

------
carterschonwald
I second (or nth) the see a doctor and talk about your focus and mood
difficulties. The root issue of your difficulties might simply be a chemical
imbalance of some sort (some variant of bipolar disorder (manias and lows) or
inattentive adhd).

Go talk to a doctor such as eg a psychiatrist (get a referral from your normal
doctor perhaps?) and be very very clear about every relevant anecdote in your
entire life about your troubles. Mood/attention disorders can be very
frustrating when unmanaged, especially since in many cases when you talk about
difficulties that are ultimately due to such to most other people, their
response is like "no biggie, just do it" or the like.

That being said, this is just one avenue worth investigating and many of the
other posts will probably speak of much more likely applicable approaches.

But seriously, its always a good idea to talk to a doctor when theres
nontrivial physical or mental distress that is evading solution.

------
Gatsky
Difficult to say much from a forum post... errors in self perception are
probably a large part of the problem. I don't think you have a motivation
problem. You seem to start lots of things. I have a motivation problem. I
haven't started anything (let alone an actual 'startup') in a very long time.

One thing that strikes me is how long you last with what ever endeavour you
undertake... 1 - 2 weeks is very short, especially for a relationship. I don't
think that is enough time to genuinely lose interest. I take this to mean that
either you didn't really want to do the thing in the first place or are afraid
of something.

I don't think medicalising the issue is a good first option, as other people
have said. You describe some depressive-like features such as hopelessness,
loss of enjoyment, social withdrawal, weird dazes... but once you label this
as a disease, it becomes very difficult to deal with it in other than a
medical fashion. Having said that, if you are reading about suicide, I would
get professional help.

I don't have any particular advice. It may be that entrepeneurial pursuits
(which are open ended, with ill defined goals and little feedback) are not the
right thing for you at this stage of life. I would also suggest you try
something which places no pressure on you, and isn't encompassed by the
failure cycle you describe. An example would be some sort of volunteer work,
or a (team) sport/hobby. (A startup doesn't count as volunteer work.)

------
mgkimsal
I wouldn't rule out something medically not quite optimal with your brain and
you may want to talk to a professional about some medication to help bring
things in to a balance (you didn't mention that you'd done that yet or not).

Medical aspects aside, it sounds like you've not been able to find a niche
yet. I'm not trying to trivialize this, but you obviously do have some passion
(as others note) but you can't channel it in to something productive for very
long. It also sounds like you're trying to do this all on your own.

There are people who remain stuck in one routine for years or decades. You
have the ability - probably a compulsion - to get in to new situations
routinely. Believe it or not, this would be seen as an asset in many
organizations. A 'presales engineer' position (if you're technical) might be a
great position to get in to, as you're constantly getting in to new situations
and people, most of whom you won't need to deal with a few weeks or months
after the sale is made.

Without sounding trite, suicide isn't the answer. You've likely got quite a
lot to offer. You're on HN after all ;) I hate to just say 'go get counseling
and medication' - I think there's probably other things you can do outside of
that, or in addition to that course.

I realize I don't know you much, except for what you've posted here, but I
really don't think things are as hopeless for you as they may feel right now.
I don't think I've had things as bad as you're describing, but I am known for
an extreme inability to focus/concentrate on anything for very long. I don't
tout it, but have worked on coping strategies over the years. Eventually I
found a book by Barbra Sher (<http://www.barbarasher.com>) - well, she's got a
few. Wishcraft might be a decent one to start with. It's free, and while a bit
airy fairy at times, might help you to see things in a different light. I was
first turned on to Sher when I was reading up on the problem of TMI (Too Many
Interests).

[http://knacks.esmartdesign.com/#The_Too_Many_Aptitude_Proble...](http://knacks.esmartdesign.com/#The_Too_Many_Aptitude_Problem_TMA_and_)
was the first article I'd found, which seemed to describe me to a T. I've
since self-diagnosed myself with that 'condition' and went looking for info
which would help me learn more about that. There's no 'magic bullet cure', but
that bit of self-knowledge has helped me avoid situations which I knew would
make me miserable, and have slowly forged a better, more fulfilling life
(though even now, I keep changing my goal posts).

The biggest thing I learned from that little journey is that there's nothing
'wrong' (in an absolute sense) with that condition - it's just different.

If you'd care to discuss any of this further, please ping me at any time at
mgkimsal@gmail.com or 919-827-4724.

~~~
Qz
Wow, that Too Many Aptitudes thing is spot on for me. I've been struggling
with that exact problem, every other month I'm a hacker, a fiction writer, a
philosopher, a graphics designer, a jeweler, a social worker, a fashion
designer, etc, etc. My latest effort has been just to accept that my interests
will rotate and rather than abandon old projects, just come back to them when
I get interested in them again, and hopefully eventually I will complete
something...

~~~
mgkimsal
Check out <http://wishcraft.com> to grab a PDF book from Sher.

This book: [http://www.amazon.com/Refuse-Choose-Revolutionary-Program-
Ev...](http://www.amazon.com/Refuse-Choose-Revolutionary-Program-
Everything/dp/B000S6MFDG/ref=pd_sim_b_1) helped me identify myself more.

I got this book for my wife: [http://www.amazon.com/Could-Anything-Only-Knew-
What/dp/04405...](http://www.amazon.com/Could-Anything-Only-Knew-
What/dp/0440505003/ref=pd_sim_b_4) and she said it helped her refocus things.

The takeaway from all of this is that TMA page helped me identify and
'diagnose' (in a loose sense) that condition. The Sher books above helped with
some practical advice on how to live and deal, and sometimes thrive, with the
condition. Her term for someone with TMA would be 'scanner' , and she's
written about scanners for years.

I've been juggling things for a while, and currently I'm a publisher
(groovymag and jsmag), a consultant (really just consulting sometimes), a
developer (hands on coding), a trainer, speaker (2-3 conferences per year),
have written a book, and am working on some other projects for later this year
which may help open some doors in to new avenues.

Had I stayed at my job I would have been more compensated financially but far
less fulfilled. That said, I _still_ wrestle with feelings of unfulfilledness,
and some of that comes down to not being able to execute on all my ideas. What
I'd _like_ to do is get to the point where I'm comfortable hiring people to do
a lot of the grunt work fulfilling my ideas (I don't particularly care to _do_
the work, I just think it needs to get done).

This doesn't mean I'll never take a traditional full time job again, but I'm a
lot more demanding and critical when I talk to potential employers. That still
comes up now and then, and I'm a lot of aware of myself and open when talking
about employment. Nothing has yet fit the bill, but I'm not shutting the doors
to that possibility. I just don't think it'll be likely. It'll need to be a
kickass company and/or working in an extremely engaging problem space with
some freedom for me to float around some. Very few traditional jobs fit that
bill.

~~~
Qz
Thanks for the links. Right now I'm in the position where finishing college
has been a 7 year ordeal and I still don't 'know what I'm going to do'.
Started off in CS but it required way more singular focus than I am capable of
(was at CMU), so I switched to creative writing, which allows a lot more
flexibility in terms of what I decide to put on a page, but not particularly
clear career paths...

I have what I think are some pretty awesome web/software ideas, but I only
ever spend a few days in a row working on them because coding requires that
sort of singular focus that I can't maintain for much longer than that.

And then now there's potentially (probably) a girl in the mix, so who knows
what's going to happen...

~~~
mgkimsal
I had no idea what to do starting college, then I dropped out. I went back
later (long story) - ended up taking a logic course in philosophy program -
aced it, and routed myself in to a philosophy degree. What the hell do you do
with a philosophy degree? Get a programming job of course! (which is what I
managed).

~~~
Qz
I was basically doing the drop out thing while I was _in_ college. I would
take 4 courses a semester, focus on whichever one piqued my interest, and then
fail or drop out of the other 3. Wasted a lot of money.

------
honopu
Hi, I don't really understand your lack of self discipline. I am going to
probably go off on some incredibly poorly written tangent here, but please
work through it; friend :)

The lack of focus and discipline is something i totally understand, and I
think that it might be a product of your your readings if you have in fact
worked through say the Kiyosaki books or equivalent. You had a taste of the
high from doing your startup, you hopefully learned a whole hell of a lot and
you really like that idea(that life) and that's fine. Maybe you were sold on
the ideologies they sell, and that's great, they can be achieved, I promise.
Maybe it isn't working out for you right now, but you are merely 23. I am 29
now, everything(literally) in my life has changed since I was 23. Education,
housing, girls, friends, employment etc.

I think it boils down to a few things really, your entire ambiguity toward
life is something i somewhat understand but something you should really
address. I think you need to find something to work toward, be it a new start-
up or anything. Just because you "failed" once it doesn't mean you'll fail
again. Remember that :)

I think you need to simply pick something and get it done, something you can
totally get behind.

Maybe you are avoiding something you need to do that you aren't doing? That
has been my case in the past.

Also don't go through with suicide. I went through it with my dad a few years
ago(he succeeded, after a botched attempt a month earlier).... It isn't
something I would wish on my worst enemy's family...

I hope you take care and heed the other advice here, I just felt compelled to
weigh in and seeing this phone number from another user here makes me feel a
little better about writing here on hacker news.

------
sliverstorm
Your lack of focus on a particular thing sounds similar to the cycle I have
found myself in. Discover, learn, master, get bored.

I have my own concerns about this cycle, but it does have an upside you can
channel; I have been picking up new skills left and right. As an example, I am
currently fixing up a motorcycle I bought for real cheap. My passion for
mechanics has long abated, but I still find it mildly pleasant and I want the
goal (getting the bike running). Because I was so deep into cars and
motorcycles for a while, I am quite excellent at servicing now. I know exactly
what to do without much trouble, which enriches my life by opening doors and
extending the life of my vehicles.

Virtually anything complicated enough to be stimulating can work with this
cycle. I am currently contemplating diving into nutrition. I'll get completely
bored of food after a while, but for the rest of my life I'll have the skills
and knowledge to tap into.

~~~
zackattack
Read up on _Mastery_ by George Leonard. You seem to be describing a "hacker".
I highly doubt that you truly master skills so quickly. Mastery should not be
taken lightly. The actual process of mastery is consuming and immensely
rewarding.

~~~
sliverstorm
Ok, master is a poor choice of words.

------
justin_vanw
I know exactly what this is like. I was about the same age as you when I
started really getting worried about the same things you are.

If you do everything I say here, it probably won't make you a dynamo
overnight. It will help you avoid backsliding, though. Over the next few
years, if you are diligent, you will learn new habits.

Step 1: Throw your TV and any video game systems you have in the trash (or
more sensibly, disconnect them and put them on craigslist so they are out of
your house _today_ ). The whole point of startup culture is to give up some
fun now (wait, working at a startup IS fun) in exchange for a huge pile of
money later. You want to work 80+ hours a week, and probably have a girlfriend
too. When does playing Xbox fit in there? In a few years, when you are the
founder of a hot, funded startup, you can have an XBOX in your game room. Or
you can play it now, and maybe the VC fairy will be impressed by your GTA
skills. -- The point is, every minute spent fucking around is a minute you
could be working or learning new skills.

Step N: The next time you are wondering "why can't I be productive", imagine a
little bell ringing in your head. The bell is there to remind you to sit down
and work. If you find yourself browsing reddit or hn or some other site, add
entries to your hosts file so that you CAN'T browse those sites. Often the
anxiety that keeps a person from being productive is at it's worst at exactly
those times that you would otherwise be the most productive. Never visit any
distracting site like that from your work area or from your work computer.

Step Na: Give yourself a little goal to accomplish (write it down) when you
sit down to work, and don't let yourself get up to do something else (besides
restroom breaks) until you accomplish the little goal you wrote down. When you
do accomplish it, imagine another 'you' there, and see if that other 'you'
would accept the quality of the work if you were an employee. Once you give
the work a thumbs up, _force yourself_ to take a 15 minute break. Go outside
for a walk, call a friend, just get off the computer. Once you are comfortable
with this micro-routine (say after 3 weeks of doing it consistently), check
out GTD. Resist the urge to go full on GTD now, however. Most likely you will
get distracted setting up notebooks and org-mode or other yak-shaving instead
of getting actual work done.

Step X: Make an appointment with a psychiatrist that has experience treating
adults with depression, ADHD and anxiety issues. It may help a lot, and it
can't hurt.

------
daniel-cussen
You sound like me a few years ago. I since found out I have ADD.

You might have it too. You might want to get checked.

~~~
Damnit
Have the treatments worked for you? I've come super close to getting tested
for ADD, each time resisting out of fear that it'll only be another temporary
fix(in pills). May be I'm wrong reading stories like yours.

~~~
daniel-cussen
>Have the treatments worked for you?

Yes. Sometimes completely, usually partially.

>I've come super close to getting tested for ADD, each time resisting out of
fear that it'll only be another temporary fix(in pills).

OK. I believe you should get tested anyway; testing does not mean you have to
follow through with treatment. Benefits from knowing you have ADD include
being able to read about it. [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Attention-Deficit-
Disorder-Unfocused...](http://www.amazon.co.uk/Attention-Deficit-Disorder-
Unfocused-University/dp/0300119895)

About the pills: it turns out ADD is a chemical problem. I have heard about it
being treated with therapy (talking to people) but really, the real fix is
pills. In my case at least, there is a hole in my brain shaped like
amphetamines (Adderall, Ritalin) and if I take amphetamines I have nothing to
envy people without ADD. When I first took them I felt something I had never
felt before: an incredible sense of urgency and desire to work.

Is it a temporary fix? In some senses yes, in others, no. It can be temporary
in that SSRI's induce tolerance, much like cigarettes or coffee. But this is
hardly a Red Queen scenario. Most people with ADDs reach a dose they're
comfortable with and can work with from here to forever, with some caveats
your doctor can tell you about. I would not compare it to padding your
schedule to deal with time overruns due to procrastination. This is a
fundamental change in the way your brain works.

And if you don't like the idea of taking pills, consider this: there's really
no other way out if you have ADD and are part of the 80% of ADD patients who
respond positively to pills.

I highly recommend it.

~~~
Damnit
This is very insightful. Thank you!

~~~
daniel-cussen
No matter what you choose to do, I hope you get better :)

------
mmaro
Read P.J. Eby's "Thinking Things Done". It's unfinished, but chapters 1-7 are
very good. You have to sign up for his mailing list to receive them. I found
out about this from <http://lesswrong.com/lw/21r/pain_and_gain_motivation/>

Consider spending a lot of time alone, or at least outside any institution for
a while. Hell is other people. It's hard for me to think clearly when other
people's thoughts are an important part of my day.

Consider meditating. (See the recently posted "Mindfulness in Plain English").
I just started, but I'm already getting the same euphoric level of
concentration that I get from programming.

~~~
stretchwithme
I second that. Eby's good and so is meditation.

If you really get into meditation, consider reading the Power of Now by
Eckhart Tolle. The religious elements don't make sense to me but he
understands what mediation does for the mind.

------
Loic
If you read the literature, from ancient Greek to nowadays, you will find that
every body is fighting the same thing at different degree. The main problem we
all have on this Earth is that our life is relatively short and when we are
comfortable enough to have food/friends/etc. we automatically start to ask
ourselves, directly or not:

 _What do I want to do in my life?_

From what you described, you have no answer to this question. You can see a
psychiatrist, take some drugs, use all the GTD tricks or whatever, if you do
not have this goal of what you want to do, this will only make the problem
worse. You will be able to do a lot (in fact you already do a lot) but you
will still have strictly no reasons to focus on anything.

So go, find a goal. Find friends who can help you to find a goal. Find
strangers, too. Go meditate a week long. Do whatever you need to clear your
mind and find 1 or 2 things you can do fully (your mind, your body etc.) for
at least the next year (you are young, your life goal will change a lot) and
do it/them.

You are lucky to ask yourself what is going on in your 20's. If you do not
answer this question, imagine getting a standard job + family and then asking
yourself the same question with 40... so, do it now and again on a regular
basis.

We are all in the same boat and for most of us, the long term goal of our life
is just a pleasant string of short/middle term goals with happiness on top of
it.

------
edge17
Sounds like you need some momentum to get the wheels turning again. Your mind
sounds a bit claustrophobic - that is to say, lots going on that's making you
go crazy. Go find some adventure and get off the road you're on. Go do
something that 'crazy' people do. One time I was really really frustrated, so
I traveled around the world (sounds absurd, but that's basically how simple my
thought process was and how little planning i did. I just convinced myself I
could make it up as I go). Getting on the road will distance yourself from a
lot of things on your mind, provide some clarity on things that are important,
and make you focus on immediate problems - like where to sleep so you don't
get robbed and how you're going to get from A to B because the bus route in
the book or on the website doesn't exist anymore. You'll learn a lot about
yourself by dealing with things as they come, by meeting cool people, and by
seeing new markets for your ideas everywhere you go. I was dead broke when I
got back, and I slept on my friend's floor for 2 months before paying him any
backrent - but hey, what're friends for. It didn't cost me a fortune, just
most of what I made working summers in college.

------
caffeine
Hi Damnit,

Just wanted to say that I exhibit much the same set of phenomena that you do.
I don't ever finish anything I start, I always look for something new, I ride
the wave of exhilaration that comes from sinking my teeth into some serious
new intellectual problem, coding 18 hour days, and then give up entirely a
week later and endlessly refresh HN. I quit jobs and relationships etc. all
the time, and then strike up new ones which seem to be destined to last
forever.

The difference is that it doesn't bother me so much. I'm quite happy with my
life as it is. I think that the need for "production" and "accomplishing
goals" etc. is largely a cultural artifact. It's not really important. I think
it'd be incredibly boring to be doing the same job for a whole two years.

It stopped bothering me roughly around the time I started exercising (martial
arts) and meditating (zazen), so perhaps that has something to do with it. But
that's also the time I graduated from school, so maybe it was the newfound
freedom that made me happier. Note that I didn't change one bit - I still am a
start-only person. It's just that I'm comfortable with it now.

I think you should just enjoy it, if you can.

~~~
Damnit
Thanks for taking time to comment. How did you work your struggles with
discipline? ie. I have tried meditation/yoga/working out many times only to
relapse and give up week or month later.

This pattern has repeated so many times in the last 5 years I have reached a
point I don't want to try anything new because of the fear/knowledge that it
won't stick.

~~~
caffeine
> I don't want to try anything new because of the fear/knowledge that it won't
> stick

My point was ... so what if it doesn't stick? Just don't worry about it. So
you're a person who starts things but doesn't finish them. Big deal. Just
enjoy whatever you're doing while you do it and when you're sick of it and
feel like something else, do that. Just go with it.

You can't fight this kind of thing .. just roll with it, accept and enjoy the
fact that this is your personality. At least you're not boring!

That mindset is how I deal with this, and it's worked fine for me. You don't
_have_ to be or do anything. You're OK already.

------
c3o
A friend of mine committed suicide last December, at your age and from what I
can tell, in a similar situation (he was even also a previous YC participant).
It hurts how much reading this reminds me of him.

You mention some people know this side of you (to what degree?) but that they
don't know how to help you. I think it's critical that during this rough patch
you're going through, in addition to receiving anonymous advice here on HN,
you surround yourself with supportive people in real life. Even if it's just
one person that sticks with you through this, that you are completely open to
and stay in close touch with about your plans and progress as you try therapy,
medication and various other techniques.

For ideas on how to involve other people without having to be embarrassed or
being too much of a burden, read about Jane McGonigal's "recovery game":
[http://blog.avantgame.com/2009/09/super-better-or-how-to-
tur...](http://blog.avantgame.com/2009/09/super-better-or-how-to-turn-
recovery.html)

I wish you all the best.

------
d0m
I sympathize with you. All I can say is that.. don't give up. Somewhere,
sometime, you'll ready enjoy what you're doing and you will look back at this
sad time of your life and think: Damn, I'm so happy I didn't give up.

Also, it's easy to make friend and I agree with you that it's hard to be
motivated to stick with them.. However, I'm sure you'll encounter real friend
where you won't need to be motivated.. you'll just enjoy being with them as
they will be part of your life. Same with girls.. once you'll find someone
that you really like (and not only the first kick), you'll be actually happy
to spend time with her and she'll help you to get more motivated.

Finally, next with the startup.. once you'll really enjoy your project, it
will be so much easier to stick with it and get motivated. And sometime, the
best way to motivate you, is to start small and publish something.. with real
people around the world waiting for your next version, it really does give a
little kick in the but :p

------
f1gm3nt
I'm in the same boat. I have always loved and tried to make startups work. I
read all the books and all that jazz. I took a giant leap of faith and failed.
Slowly but surely I have started to get my life in order again. I have tried
sucide before and failed. After that I have refused to try again. I see that
as the easy way.

Now I'm starting to get my hopes back up and there are people around me that
believe in me. I would highly recommend reading "think and grow rich". Ever
heard of the book "the secret"? They ripped off that book.

I often find myself too making new friends only to not keep them after a year
or so. Sometimes less. That's part of life.

Find something you like to do and obsess over it. That's what I'm doing now.

Also you will always need balance in your life and the focus and motivation
will come.

Again, if you haven't read think and grow, read it and follow the instructions
outlined within that book. If you have read it, read the damn thing again.

------
stretchwithme
I've struggled with trying to make a success of my company too and my family
is far away and I've had thoughts similar to yours.

But I always came back to the fact that I can always do something different. I
can drop everything and go back to where I grew up and just take an ordinary
job.

Remember that there is nothing more important than your life and desire to
succeed at a startup or in corporate America or anything else is just
conditioning and not necessarily important at all.

Personally, I took a contract job recently where I can only work 8 hours a
day. Its great to hang it up at the end of the day like a normal person.

There's nothing wrong with taking a break from struggling with a startup.
Things will come together later. Its not supposed to be so hard anyway.
There's a difference between intense creative collaboration and solitary
unhappy struggle.

I truly hope this helps.

~~~
Damnit
_Remember that there is nothing more important than your life and desire to
succeed at a startup or in corporate America or anything else is just
conditioning and not necessarily important at all._

That's something I cannot come to terms with. I really want to succeed. I
_know_ I can succeed if I just became disciplined and focused.

~~~
stretchwithme
Not sure of the situation but for me nothing focuses me more than having a
real customer and/or collaborator to whom I've made real commitments to.

When I've worked on my own, its real easy to get distracted and rationalize
putting things off. I'd be lucky to get in a full eight hours.

But working with others, I found myself working many hours beyond even the
time we spent directly collaborating. Because I had to deliver on my
commitments. I think many people need that.

------
foxtrot
A dude - you summed my self up perfectly too. I have been on anti-depressants
before and they didn't help too much, however the thing with anti-depressants
is you cant compare two days side by side, 1 on meds and the other not, they
just dont work like that. You have to be on them for a month before they start
to work and once you stop they stay in your system for a couple of months.

I always hated anti-depressants and was one of those naive people who say its
all in your head, and to an extent it mostly is. The problem is that if its in
your head how do you change your way of thinking.

Personally I get pre-occupied with the thought of failure rather than success,
and when you constantly think you will fail at something you immediately put
you self on the back foot regardless of what you want to do.

------
xmmm
Oh god, you are me! I haven't been able to identify these troubles I've been
having my whole as a problem. At least now I know it's not normal and I should
do something about it. Thank you very much posting this.

------
swah
Most people are like that, in varying degree. The internets have certainly
made it easier for us to stop doing stuff for more attractive stuff. If I was
in jail with only one book, I bet one could really read it and grok it.
Something similar is happening to me right now: a website I was developing has
moved beyond the "cool" phase to the "now I need hard work" phase and I
already started playing with another website...

------
AbyBeats
Don't change who your are.Take a Job and do stuff that fits you.You will be
more productive and best at what you do like that.I am a completely dis-
organized person.I sleep when I feel like it,I do stuff when I feel like it
etc...So I chose freelancing which suits my style and I am a happy man. "Its
not becoming like someone else,its accepting who you are" Good Luck

------
lookACamel
Join the military.

Sorry...just a knee-jerk reaction.

Maybe you could see a psychiatrist or doctor? This may be a sign of a problem
best treated with medication.

------
dwwoelfel
"After a million self-help programs and motivation books that haven't been of
much help"

Which self-help programs and books?

~~~
Damnit
You name it. Toni Robbins, Eckhart Tolle, Think and grow rich.

After a while they just become noise if you don't have the self-discipline to
follow them.

~~~
marilyn
The best bit to get out of many of these guys is that each of us needs to find
our service to others. What can you do to benefit and serve other people? When
you find the answer to this question, you will be led to both success, and
meaning.

------
jules
You feel like you need to accomplish something important. You don't. Just have
fun!

------
mooneater
Your chi is weak.

Practice martial arts. Good for exercise, good for confidence, good for chi.

Try Jujitsu. Wake up!

------
todayiamme
Reading this I felt as if someone was holding up a mirror to me. I am a
borderline personality, so in some ways I know how you feel. On the other hand
I should be the last person giving you advice as I am a work in progress too,
but I need to say a few things to you.

First of all, I know that you probably feel inside that it's wrong for you to
be like this, and sometimes you just question why you're a freak. Other times
you might question your very existence, and how far you have fallen. After all
being hysterical isn't something that you look forward too. I used to feel
exactly the same, but then you have those days when everything is beautiful
and you are high in ways that is so difficult to define in words. Those days
make you wonder even more why you're like this, but the thing is that its
okay. There is nothing wrong with you.

I know that this is so clichéd and you hear this all the time, but its true.
It takes some time to digest and even more time to accept, but consider the
possibility. This curse might actually be a boon in a lot of ways.

Second, is there anyone you love and trust? Talking to people helps a lot,
especially when you are down and out. It, in fact, saved my life. I wouldn't
be alive bashing this out right now if someone hadn't loved me, guided me and
accepted me.

I know that you probably won't talk to them because you don't want to be a
burden, but can you imagine how they feel about you? They will in fact be glad
that you reached out to them in the darkest moments of your life, and it will
show you a side of humanity that most people never see. As this forum proves
people can be extremely kind, loving and generous. A lot of people are will go
the distance to help you heal. Let them do that.

You are not a burden either. In fact, it's quite probable that you've made a
contribution to their life in a way that even you can't define. So, don't
plunge the icy dagger of death into them. Reach out to them. Also if you want
you can email me at yesthisisananonymousid [at] gmail. (can't post my real id
on this forum in case someone from my past reads this)

Third, taking those pills will not be a good experience. At times they are a
constant reminder that no matter what you do, what plans you make, what you
think, what you dream. You are at the mercy of those tiny bundles of
chemicals, and a bunch of receptors in your brain.

 _DON'T_ let that stop you from taking them. They are a lifeline in that
chaos, and sure there is a cost to taking some of them but it is worth each
and every moment. It helps you to breathe in a way that you had long
forgotten, and that sense of freedom from your moods is an amazing feeling.
Moreover, as time passes on you'll be able to leave that crutch, or reduce it
to barely perceptible amounts, and live life free.

Fourth, I want you to know that you really aren't alone. Even though we have
never met, and probably never will I want to tell you that I can empathize
with you and if you wish I want to be there for you.

Take care.

P.S. - You might get some mileage from the awesome advice lionhearted and
others gave me in this thread (<http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1484882>).

~~~
Damnit
Thanks man, really appreciate your support. Helps to know I'm not the only one
going through this stuff.

------
raheemm
I suggest working with a good business or life coach. Look for ones that focus
on getting things done. They will help you stay accountable, motivate you and
chew you out when you need to be.

------
eytanlevit
Hey dude,

I strongly identify with your feelings - I know that place very well.

Here is the way I hacked it out: 1\. Regarding relationships with girls\friend
- After years of having too many friends, I understood that almost everyone I
met wanted to be friends of mine, this lead to an overload of friends, and
made me be not a good friend of a lot of freinds. Once I realized that, I
decided to stop socializing with everyone I met, and focus on my closest
friends.

Another hack regarding friends - I found that having a certain structure, like
meeting every thursday to play poker and playstation - was really good for
me.(Of course that I socialize beyond this routine, but this baseline routine
with friends really made our friendship strong and fulfilling).

2\. Focusing on one thing: I found that working with partners really helps me
focus, it is true regarding learning, programming and founding startups.

If you wish to create a new startup - find a partner and make it with him\her
- level out with him that you have a focusing problem - and that he should
call you out if he sees that you are unfocused or unproductive.

this is very powerful, this discovery has changed my life, it allowed me to
open my startups, and today I am the owner of a very successful israeli
bootstrapped start up(founded with 2 partners ofcourse).

3\. hacking suicide thoughts\meaningless feeling - most important hack of all
- imagine being a mountaineer, climbing on the everest, your feet hurt, it is
difficult to breath, it is cold, but you still do it because it is your
fucking dream.

Now image climbing the everest without a special reason, without having the
dream of climbing it - the pain would be the same, but you would hate it so
much, it would take so much energy from you, you would be miserable and stop
pretty early on.

My point is, my friend - that if you feel that pain overwhelms you - you are
currently climbing the wrong mountain(You don't have a burning desire).

You should stop climbing(trying to focus, trying to better yourself, trying to
do things) - and decide what is the thing you really want to do. You might not
know, you might have some options and you won't be sure which is the "right"
dream from you, I can tell you this, life is precious - you should be
brave(taking the risk of maybe it is the "wrong" dream) and choose your dream
- and fucking go for it full power. Even if in the end you will understand
that you didn't "really" want to do that dream, the only true way of finding
out is doing it fullpower.

\---------

If all fails - I highly recommend finding a life coach, I have found that they
are extremely useful, not trying to figure out whats wrong with you, but just
giving you power to do the things you really want to do(and finding out what
these things are).

~~~
Damnit
Pain is one thing and it's understandable to fight pain while running a
startup. But where I'm at now--this indifference to life--is scarier than
pain. It's weird. I should be able to work through it though! Thanks for the
uplifting words.

------
fleitz
Ok, first of all, there are no easy answers to this, but the good news is it's
mostly how you are looking at things.

You need to find an environment that fits your personality, you like start ups
and can't stay focused? Great you're the support guy, there are always a
million little things you can do. When you're not being distracted by support
emails / calls you can fix the bugs they want fixed.

Relationship? You're 23, don't worry about it, you don't need a long term
relationship right now and probably haven't figured out what you really want
in a partner. Exceptional partners are just that, exceptional, you're not
going to meet that person everyday. A week or two? That's not a relationship
thats getting to know someone.

You can't stay focused on a project for more than two or three weeks? Great,
there is a new methodology called agile. It's perfect for you. Your project is
now a feature. You have two weeks to implement it. The good news is you're not
going to be prone to embarking on any Sisyphean tasks.

If you want inspiration I have a contract due in 6 hours and I'm sitting
around posting on HN. I can't focus either.

You need to stop trying to conform to your environment and start trying to
find an environment in which your traits are invaluable. Stop beating yourself
up over who you're not, start embracing who you are.

