

Why Lonely People Stay Lonely - pmcpinto
http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/07/why-lonely-people-stay-lonely.html

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lukas099
I had this problem, and the way I am recovering from it is by reminding myself
that nerves make me _more_ endearing as a person, not less. I have taken an
entire minute trying to get out the words "I like you" to a girl I was
interested in, but when I finally did she was very receptive :)

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drallison
The original paper appears in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 2015,
Vol 4(6) 805-821.

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amagumori
so many articles that attempt to analyze or explain anxiety or depression just
end with "looks like you need to get out of your own head", which is non-
advice. you can't get out of your own head.

depression and anxiety are disorders of, basically, an overactive stress
response. which happens subconsciously. you might as well say "looks like you
need to regulate the subconscious reactions that lead to release of stress
hormones better."

~~~
meesterdude
> depression and anxiety are disorders of, basically, an overactive stress
> response

So one's own thinking patterns, perspective of self, and relation to others
has nothing to do with it? Ones upbringing, life situation, and health play no
role? it's all just an overactive stress response?

You paint with broad strokes a picture that has much nuance to it.

> looks like you need to regulate the subconscious reactions that lead to
> release of stress hormones better.

yes, you do. More specifically, your perspectives that cause these, and your
management of them when they are knee-jerk. If you just let your behavior and
emotions run buck-wild, you're going to end up with self-destructive behavior
and be an unhappy camper for it.

I'm an introvert with a lot of social isolation.I am isolated because I
isolate myself; not physically, but intellectually and emotionally. I learned
this from my parents, and have been trying to change my ways. Part of it _IS_
biological - I am predisposed, but not restricted - to certain kinds of things
like depression and anxiety. They are defaults for me, but not locked in.

People like to say "it's a chemical imbalance" about disorders as if that
means they should throw their hands up in the air and give up. Which, you can
do; but it's a crappy way to go about things.

