
Ask HN: How have you burned bridges with people? - workerdee
If you have burned bridges with people, either intentionally or not, what was the outcome?  This question is in regards to a work or professional setting, but personal stories are welcome.
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yetanotheracc
I burned bridges several times. It usually resulted in doubling my income.

CASE #1

Context: Full-time job as a web developer in Eastern Europe

My boss was explaining something to me. When he left the room to answer a
phone call, I quickly left the office and never communicated with the company
again.

Outcome: I avoided being dragged down by work requests from that company,
which would have kept me near the previous salary range for longer. I moved on
to work as a freelancer for Western clients.

—

CASE #2

Context: Four and five-figure remote freelance jobs

On five occasions, ceased all communications with freelance clients: deleted
the project from my computer, blacklisted their email addresses. In some cases
I communicated the fact to the client.

Outcome: Nothing much. Moved on to greener pastures.

—

CASE #3

Context: Lead developer at a startup without traction running out of funding

Took a week off, at the end of which I made a broad email blacklist,
encompassing the entire company (including many keywords, should they attempt
to contact me from a different address), changed my phone number.

Outcome: Losing contact with a very well-connected person. Not having to
participate in the death throes of a company I did not have any stake in.

—

CASE #4 (unsuccessful)

Context: Lead developer at a startup

Left suddenly for several months, after which the company took me back and
doubled my pay. The exact same scenario happened again one year later.

Outcome: Getting caught in a golden cage. I became something of a prima donna,
but with with the company expanding the development team, this will not last.
I will probably leave on good terms for a change.

~~~
proveanegative
This way to leave is expensive to the employer in terms of the time lost
before they realize you will not communicate again and a replacement must be
found. Why did you choose to not communicate with them that you quit
beforehand? I am genuinely curious because I have witnessed people quitting by
suddenly ceasing all communication before and I completely fail to understand
it. Note that this is not mutually exclusive with blacklisting their email
address and changing your phone number.

~~~
victorhn
I guess it may be when you realize the absurdity of the situation you are on
(they are incompetent, irrationally demanding, etc) and that you really would
not lose much just cutting those people, also to avoid unnecessary awkwardness
when quitting (this may be inteprerted as you are in an indirect way saying
that they suck).

~~~
yetanotheracc
_I guess it may be when you realize the absurdity of the situation you are on
(they are incompetent, irrationally demanding, etc) and that you really would
not lose much just cutting those people, also to avoid unnecessary awkwardness
when quitting_

Spot on.

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lscore720
Yes, but I waited until retirement. Sent my former boss - the cruelist piece
of scum I've ever had the pleasure to work with, the experience scarred me at
the time - a friendly note saying I'm done working at 31, thanks and no thanks
to the lessons taught under his incompetence. It felt great, but I do wish I
could have been a bigger person and never sent it. He's already failed in his
career since then, and my message was petty & unnecessary.

My philosophy is that a good person never burns bridges, it's irrational. But
sometimes it happens.

------
nailer
Someone was being seemingly overtly rude towards me, but actually had a few-
month old infant and was getting zero sleep. What I percieved as being
antagonistic was just someone not able to express themselves due to their
brain being soup. I wish I'd known to cut him some slack.

Oh and someone in the last 8 years I said that I think exploiting security
holes in someone else's box isn't curiosity, it's vandalism. Sorry rtm, I
haven't changed my opinion on that one, but I still think you should fund us
in the next batch. :-)

------
angersock
Intentionally?

Quit a job after finding out a coworker had been fired, and that the entire
review process (which I'd been pushing for for a while) was being done as a
pretext to that. A few more minutes of thinking showed me that the only
difference between two weeks' and walking then were that I'd be two weeks of
sad down the road. So, I walked, after a cooldown moment in the bathroom.

Couple years later I met up with that exec again, and we got on just fine.
Both acknowledged it was a shitty thing on both sides, and otherwise just went
our separate ways. We were both polite about it.

Unintentionally?

My last startup dissolved after running out of boostrap funds and
communication failures between my cofounder and I. It sucked, it hurt, and it
was hell coordinating anything during the winddown. I was too ashamed and
scared to talk to him about things really productively, and I suspect he may
have felt similarly. I occasionally check up on him through a mutual
acquaintance, but we don't talk and probably never will. :(

~

Basically, the notion of "burning bridges" is kinda silly. There are a few
people I could list that, were they on fire, I wouldn't piss on to put out,
but overall anybody that I've written off (or who has written off me)
invariably seems to show up again, eventually.

Do what seems right, be reasonable about it, and don't be surprised if you
meet that person again.

For what it's worth, there isn't a secret ledger that'll haunt you--in most
industries.

~~~
workerdee
Thanks for your comment. Having your startup dissolve and splitting with your
cofounder is rough. "Burning bridges" may not be the correct phrase - maybe
"parting on bad terms?" I posted the question because, depending on the
situation, it works out differently for people, and the effects aren't always
immediate.

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0xdeadbeefbabe
I have burned bridges possibly by being competitive when I could have been
friendly. On the other hand, it could have been I just didn't speak loudly
enough and long enough to send the, "you are my underling" message. I'm not
really sure what it is. People in a professional setting don't behave normally
though, or professionally.

~~~
angersock
Seconding the professional myth.

Especially in a startup, there's neither time, room, nor incentive to abstract
away the leaky bags of chaos that are human resources.

------
thoughaway
For a former landlord, I left a one-star review on yelp and also gave them a
piece of my mind over the phone. They're maybe the largest property manager in
my city and would significantly limit my ability to rent.

I also left a one star review, created a mock twitter account, and berated the
staff of a local, crooked towing company run by former police officers.

At a financial company, I reported my co-worker to the authorities due to a
sensitive new project, his erratic behavior, and his public history of
financial crimes somehow unknown to my superiors/HR.

At another job, I told my boss I hated my job just about every week for a few
months (in so many words). Then I quit. Maybe that should have burned a bridge
but he seemed happy that I basically was giving him a heads up, and I also
delivered the project I was on before leaving.

------
znpy
It's been a while since I last "walked out", but the one time I most clearly
remember is this:

Informed this guy I was not going to work any further with him, took another
job on and simply ignored his emails/texts/whatever.

Blocked him from calling me (Android blacklist).

I just saw him one or two times, to collect the remaining payments.

I've been pretty formal when talking him, and whenever he asked "I'm doing
things" was my reply.

------
theaccordance
Professionally, I've made the decision to burn bridges on multiple occasions.
I'm never a fan of the act itself; but I also have yet to regret the choice in
any of the instances.

As far as the outcome, it's always been the same: short-term loss of revenue,
but in every case it's cleared way for more fruitful projects.

------
vonnik
By returning everything they ever gave me. Ex-gf.

