
How being alone may be the key to rest - mgdo
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-37444982
======
kilroy123
I think key to getting really good rest is to unplug. I know most people tend
to sit on their phones or computer for a few hours. Some science suggest that
isn't good rest because your nervous system is still being stimulated. [1]

I find I get the best rest when I unplug for a bit. Take a long walk, just for
the sake of walking. Or lay down for 30 minutes and do nothing for a while.

[1] [http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/mental-
downtime/](http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/mental-downtime/)

~~~
dominotw
>Or lay down for 30 minutes and do nothing for a while.

But you mind is never at rest. Its always thinking, ruminating. 'doing
nothing' is impossible and absurd, you mind is always 'doing something' .

A lot of people just mindlessly browse online or work too much because they
don't want to deal with their own mind.

Sure you can just chill and sit on the couch doing nothing, but thats relaxing
only when you have the mental peace to do so.

I don't think people mean what is implied by the article as 'rest'. Its not a
time issue. How can you possibly be 'alone' if you are stressed out about job,
health, money, relationships or whatever. Sitting on a wooden pier with an
umbrella is not being 'alone' , its precisely the opposite .

~~~
jon_richards
I recently read something (can't remember where) about how a lot of people
have trouble sleeping because lying down to go to sleep is the first chance
their mind gets to do something without outside stimulation. I think most
people who don't have the mental peace to do nothing would get it if they did
nothing more often. That isn't an option for everyone though.

~~~
1_player
That's me. How often I've been wide awake at night because I couldn't stop
thinking about my side projects.

I never have time for them, so the only moment my mind can explore some ideas
is when I'm in bed.

Today's Sunday, I'll try and sit on the couch alone doing nothing for an hour
and see where my mind wanders.

~~~
keithpeter
" _How often I 've been wide awake at night because I couldn't stop thinking
about my side projects._"

Try writing stuff down quickly on paper - just scribble the ideas. I do this
with my teaching (I don't work in IT). It seems to 'earth' the thoughts and
then I can relax.

------
munificent
> People said that when they were on their own mostly they were focused on how
> they were feeling, so on their body or their emotions

I've always been pretty introverted, and also a night person. I used to roll
into work around 10:30 or so, after a long chill morning.

When I got married and had kids, that schedule wasn't feasible any more. For a
couple of years, I would set my alarm as late as I could get by with and then
rush rush rush in the mornings to get my daughter ready and at day care and
myself ready for work. That way, I could still be as much of a night person as
I used to be.

It was a disaster. I felt tense and unbalanced all day. Lots of fights with my
wife. By the time the evening rolled around and the kid was in bed, I had a
little free time, but I was too spent to do anything useful with it.

At some point, due to commute changes, I ended up getting up at 6:00 to avoid
the worst of rush hour. That was even worse. There's nothing quite like
getting up early to stare at brake lights ahead of you for 45 minutes every
morning to make you lose the will to live.

When my commute fortunately got much better—a five minute drive—I decided to
try keeping my 6am wake up time.

Holy crap, it was amazing.

I had a solid two hours before the wife or kids woke up. The house was silent
and all mine. I could have a quiet cup of coffee, read a bit, work on
projects.

What I figured out is that, while I like being around people, my personality
or sense of self kind of deflates during it. I don't have enough courage or
force of will to be me in the presence of other people. Their own circles of
identity sort of press into mine, and I'm not confident enough to easily push
back all day.

That solitary time in the morning is exactly what I need to reinflate my
bubble. To sort of gather around myself a sense of who I am, and what it is
about myself that I like and feel good about. When I have that time in the
morning, I can go out into the day feeling a little more secure and insulated.
Without it, I feel exposed.

It's so worth becoming a morning person to get that feeling.

(Alas, now my kids have to be at school earlier, so they are getting up
shortly after me and I don't have much quiet time anymore. I'm tempted to try
getting up even earlier, but getting up at five is _really_ hard.)

~~~
shostack
I'm a night owl who always wished I could become a morning person to reap the
benefits for side projects, etc.

My brain just doesn't seem to be wired that way and it revolts every time I
try this, even for an extended period.

Any tips for making it less painful?

~~~
munificent
> I'm a night owl who always wished I could become a morning person to reap
> the benefits for side projects, etc.

If you're staying up late at night and getting work on projects done then,
then switching that to the morning isn't going to make much of a difference.
The total time is the same.

I wouldn't read too much into all of those gushing blog posts about people who
get up at the ass crack of dawn to write the next Great American novel while
also preparing a wholesome organic breakfast, running twenty miles, and
volunteering at their local soup kitchen.

People are incentivized to present their idealized self and blogs are no
different, and there's some strange vicarious joy we get from reading about
people who are (theoretically) way more disciplined or productive than us.

In my experience, there's nothing magical about the early morning hours. I
could, and have, also had lots of productive time late at night.

I switched to mornings because it worked for my particular schedule and the
other constraints in my life. Find what works for you.

> Any tips for making it less painful?

The main tip I know for getting up early is: consistently go to bed early.
What you choose to do the night before determines how your morning is going to
go.

Personally, I'm not very disciplined. So if I was getting up early to do
something I don't enjoy, like exercise or work on something difficult, it
would be a non-starter.

So, instead, I tell myself that I can get up to have some coffee, surf reddit,
watch some dumb videos. Whatever. Something totally easy and selfish.

That's enough to get me out of bed. Then, once I'm on my computer with coffee
in hand, I eventually start doing something useful.

------
jonplackett
I find that being home with anyone else in he house, even if they aren't
interacting with me in any way, there's still a little part of my brain
switched on to deal with it if they do say something. It's completely
different when I know there's no way anyone can talk to me. I can focus so
much better on whatever else I'm doing.

~~~
glandium
I have the opposite problem. I can totally switch off the part dealing with
someone speaking to me, but then have to make them repeat when they do speak
to me, because I didn't listen to it. (Interestingly, in many cases, my mind
catches up and decodes what was said the first time before they finish saying
it again)

------
ap22213
Hell is other people

-Sartre

I'm sure many of you felt it. you're walking along a trail deep in a forest.
And, your conscious mind has faded a bit. Maybe you're humming to yourself, or
talking to yourself, or just zoning out. And, then you see a figure way ahead
of you, coming nearer. And, something changes - some 'identity' snaps back
into the front of your consciousness, and you start to feel the tension. The
'you' who is not you takes control, and it's a bit of an uncomfortable
feeling.

It's something that we have to do daily, almost all day long, and it's very,
very tiring.

------
stephengillie
There is "on" time and "off" time.

During "on" time, you are customer-facing. You're performing a service -
normally what you would consider doing your job. But you're physically visible
to customers, or they're directly waiting for your responses, like on a phone
call. You're so visible in this fish bowl that you're like an actor or news
anchor, and must be mindful of every action. Some jobs, like retail checkers
or bartenders, are "on" for most of their work shift. In a way, it's like P
time.

Other jobs are "off" jobs, where you're never seen by customers. This is time
spent "in the workshop", building demos, displays, and developing
presentation. It's like NP time, and any communications are asynchronous. You
don't see customers, sometimes don't see coworkers or boss, and might even get
to be alone.

Many jobs have a mix of "on" time and "off" time - where you may take a client
call, then work independently to make what the client wants.

------
paulpauper
It seems like we're def. in the 'era of the introvert'...more an more people
are writing about being introverted, describing their experiences, to much
approval. Decades ago, it seemed like extroverts were in control, but now that
has flipped, and factors such the information/knowledge-based economy and
intellectualism culture may be to blame.

~~~
dasmoth
If introverts were really "in control" I predict we'd see many fewer open plan
offices!

Counter-thesis: factors in modern society such as hyper-collaborative working
practices have caused people who'd once have just been a bit quiet to think a
lot more about what the introvert-extrovert axis means.

~~~
specialist
What's with the "collaborative" open offices? Now that we're passed peak
Agile, is collaborative the next fad?

It can't be cost. Primo office space is $30-$40/sqft/year. A 100 sqft personal
office would cost $4000/year.

I recently interviewed quite a few places. Big fancy modern offices. Common
spaces. Foosball tables. And all the devs shoved into a corner, working
shoulder to shoulder, desks facing each other. Like slaves on a war galley.

I'm an extreme extrovert. Open offices suck. If you want me to be productive,
give me some me space and me time for head's down uninterrupted concentration.

While I'm ranting...

"Agile" (whatever that is) and "collaborative" (ditto) are mutually exclusive.
Cite: The Tyranny of Structurelessness essay.

I really want to know where these whackadoodle ideas come from. Then maybe we
can do something to mitigate it.

I've assumed management self actualization blather is management's way of
asserting their self-importance while screwing labor. Know your place you
worthless keyboard monkey.

More charitably, a bestie just went back to school (after 20 years) to wrap up
her masters degree. She said the cultural change was jarring. Kids these days
all work in groups, collaboration, special snowflakes, etc. Because that's how
the "real world" operates.

Is the "collaboration" fantasy an education meme which has infected know-
nothing corporate management echelons?

~~~
Negitivefrags
No. Nobody thinks that open offices are better for work.

They just think that the cost in productivity is less then the cost of the
extra real estate required.

Your estimates of cost are totally incorrect.

When it comes to a difference of 200k vs 300k per fully loaded employee, most
managers are going to doubt they are going to get 50% more work out of each
employee.

~~~
dasmoth
I wish this were true -- it would make the argument for remote work easy.

A non-negligible number of people genuinely do seem to believe that the loss
of individual productivity is offset by "team cohesion" or equivalent.

------
MrQuincle
Besides reading for me it's math. Just discovering a parallel universe without
startup stuff, without fancy programming languages, without thinking of scale,
focus, VCs. Just math and me.

------
fma
I live in a city where driving is a must. I hate the commute but also use it
as a time to rest. Don't be a rush, radio off and focus on driving. Don't
swerve in and out of traffic...just stay in one lane, preferably towards the
right where it's slower and follow the car in front. It brings distraction to
a minimal, and I'm in my own enclosed world. I'm focus enough on driving but
also allows for the brain to wander, or just do nothing.

~~~
mrspeaker
I don't know how the whole "self-driving cars" thing will pan out, but it's
the part of it that excites me the most... enforced rest time! I'm sure it
won't last long and just become another place to do work - but at the
beginning, while it's novel, it might be a nice place to be.

~~~
dasmoth
I'm not so sure. Driving (okay, maybe not big-city start-stop driving) is
somewhat relaxing because there's a kind of flow state involved with your mind
focussed on the road ahead. Once the self-driving cars come along, we'll all
be working on the commute.

~~~
sotojuan
Depends on the person. I don't work in my 20-30 min train commute. I just sit
there and try to relax or listen to something.

------
Normal_gaussian
I often feel I get myself back by being alone for a while. That when I'm
working or socialising I become part of it - my thoughts are very much aligned
with it.

When I spend a day or two alone I really get back to thinking about what and
who I feel matters, and why.

It is on those days that I really do know who I am, who I want to be, and how
I am getting there.

Its lovely.

------
imagex
As ridiculous as it may sound to some, if I don't schedule time for rest, it
doesn't happen. Otherwise there's a demand on my time and resources during
every waking hour.

Upvote for unplugging a bit each day, too.

------
Prad
I personally don't find that being around others is very restful. At work or
social gatherings, I'm not always involved in the conversation but there is a
chance I could be so I end up listening. And other times, I could be
completely alone and my mind wanders. My mind like yours is always thinking. I
don't find that very restful. I think for me, reading an article/comic book or
watching an interesting video is restful. I was thinking yoga or meditation
are probably really good methods of rest.

------
sverige
A couple years ago I took a job where I work alone 95% of the time, so even
though I'm introverted, I now find that socializing a bit is very restful.
Prior to that, though, I generally felt I was not getting enough rest.

------
Ericson2314
Off topic, but I worry a lot of "unplugged cleanses" are also solitary
affairs. Something that isn't rest, but is busy and social and sober and not
electronic is probably also important.

~~~
robotresearcher
Playing semi-organized soccer, frisbee, etc. on a Sunday afternoon is the
solution for millions if not billions of people. It's a way of life for whole
communities and has been for generations.

------
crobertsbmw
18,000 people? That makes me thing they threw this up amazons Mechanical Turk,
which makes me think that the data might be off. Although the theory seems
sound.

------
muyuu
Post-nookie relaxation does it for me.

------
petre
This is crap. Can't rest. without her.

------
leksak
"Altogether, 18,000 people from 134 countries made time to take part in what
was quite a lengthy survey devised by Hubbub - an international group of
academics, artists, poets, and mental health experts - showing perhaps what a
pressing issue rest is in the modern world."

This is a poor conclusion. For one, 18,000 people isn't sufficient to draw any
conclusions on a global level. It's a tiny sample of a relatively huge
population.

Furthermore, I think the ~795 million people is much more so a pressing issue.

If we disregard the developing world, 18,000 people is not an adequately large
sample to draw any such conclusions either. I'm glad that they are using the
word "might" in the article and "may" in title, but I still regard the
journalistic value of this piece as being really low.

"A full analysis of the data will be published within the next year. It's
already clear that it holds lessons for doctors. Callard points out that when
doctors prescribe rest, not every patient will interpret the word in the same
way."

It doesn't hold factual lessons for anyone, it's too speculative. I'm hoping
that people will be getting more rest either way.

Is there a journalist watch-dog for when poorly designed studies such as this
one is covered by the media in a manner such as this that can be alerted?
Especially since BBC themselves were involved in the study.

~~~
azernik
(Random) sampling error does not very according to the size of the total
population; only according to the size of the sample. A sample of 18,000 from
a population of 6 billion will have the same random errors as a sample of
18,000 from a population of 100 million. And 18,000 is a BIG sample.

(This breaks down a bit when the sample size and the total population size get
very close, and does not include sources of sampling error other than random
variation - e.g. biased sampling, which I would be more worried about in a
global study like this.)

~~~
leksak
That was part of my point, I was not sufficiently convinced that the sampling
was conducted over a satisfying number of different living situations. Rest is
simply not a luxury that a lot of people can even concern themselves with as
they have no concept of leisure time (or at least not an opportunity to enjoy
it).

That does not invalidate the statement that being alone may be the key to
rest, but it should point out that drawing the conclusions that the article
alludes to about the scale of the issue is shoddy.

> [...] showing perhaps what a pressing issue rest is in the modern world.

Even if the concept of "modern" world precludes areas suffering from famine, I
am not convinced that it should be considered a pressing issue.

