Any recommendations on convincing wives to let their husbands become entrepreneurs? - rasmus4200
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davidw
I think it's a highly personal situation, and depends a great deal on the
couple. Some people actually enjoy working together - I don't think I would
(I'd rather hear what my wife did at work that has nothing to do with my job),
and the 'hedging' aspect of someone with a steady job isn't a bad thing,
either.

I've tried to get my wife to read as many of the really good articles as
possible - some of PG's stuff... I tried to get her to read 'founders at
work', but have yet to succeed. It would be a great book though.

It also depends on other things like where you are (kids? now? how many years
from now?), what she does, what she wants to do, what kind of life she wants
to live, what your ideas and her ideas are about how long it will be before
you make money.

I think the best thing is to talk all those things over thoroughly.

In terms of "attaining your goals in life", though, I know that having met and
married my wife is higher up there than anything else, and I always try and
keep that in mind.

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benhoyt
My wife and I read together most of "Hackers and Painters" by PG. I was
surprised -- she really enjoyed it. I think this was partly what got her
enthused about microPledge. (Some of the chapters were too techie and not
readable-out-loud, like "A Plan for Spam". We skipped those.)

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zach
If you're asking this here, I'd say don't do it. Don't presume you have to go
for it, especially right now. Keep in mind she may take on about as much of
the risks and downside as you do without the personal satisfaction you get out
of it.

Colin Powell may not be President of the US right now simply because his wife
is not up for it it. But even though he could push her into battle or
steamroll her, he doesn't. Just shows that he's a smart guy and model husband
-- two traits not often combined in presidents, as it so happens.

~~~
Psyonic
Did Colin Powell ever even talk about intending to run for President? Not
saying he didn't, just that I never heard about it.

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elq
Well... there's a broad spectrum of startup "types" - everything from
"supplement my income, maybe replace it in the future" to full bore "VC
funded, have to grow like cancer or we'll die".

If your idea fits in the the former class of startup convincing a spouse
should theoretically be fairly easy - just set boundaries on time spent on
your idea and make sure she gets plenty of time too; but I can't speak from
experience here.

If your idea is closer to the latter or anything like a "typical" startup,
good luck. An environment like that is going to be hard on _everybody_ in any
close relationship with you. In my last startup, one of my employee's marriage
came very close to failing due to the pressure... and he wasn't nearly doing
the hours that the founders were doing.

Are you sure you'd want to do that to your wife?

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pg
I think the prospect of financial security for their (possibly future) kids is
the biggest selling point.

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davidw
I respectfully disagree. Consider that:

\- People are risk averse.

\- Most hackers make pretty good money at 'real jobs'.

\- Startups are definitely a risky proposition. As someone else commented, "A
startup founder with a successful startup is already a rare exception.".

\- So when you're in the thick of it, and there isn't a lot of money, and you
don't know if it's going to go anywhere, that reality is going to wipe out any
talk of "we might be rich", compared with the alternative of "making pretty
good money and living comfortably".

The "this is what makes me happy, how can we both make it work" is the
approach that has best worked for me. My wife likes coming home and finding
that I'm so much happier than when I was working for a moron, even if there's
no money in it (yet).

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pg
I'm not saying that the prospect of getting rich is enough to _convince_
wives, just that of all the attractions of a startup-- being one's own boss,
working on interesting technical problems, not having to commute to a cube
farm, and the possibility of getting rich-- the one that appeals most to wives
is the possibility of getting rich. Which is natural because of all the
preceding, that's the one that affects them most.

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far33d
If you really want to do it, all you should need to do is make sure she knows
that you can't be happy without pursuing your dreams. Your spouse should want
that for you, and should be on board, no matter what the sacrifice.

It helps, though, to give something back for her dreams. Marriages are
partnerships, after all.

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startupper
How long have you been married?

Is your wife employed and does she have a stable career?

Do you have kids?

Do you have a modest lifestyle that can sustain long periods of no income?

Does your family have health insurance?

Has your wife had any exposure to the entrepreneurial culture -- i.e. have her
brother/sister/father/mother been a company founder?

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rokhayakebe
dude, if you cant convince the one who decided to spend the rest of her life
with you, how are you going to convince people who dont know you to invest in
your company?

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ashu
those are two different things because the interests and constraints of your
spouse will be quite different from those of your investors or consumers.

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subhash
Include the wife as a co-founder? :) I am trying that, and the biggest
advantage I can see is that our interests and intentions are more aligned than
can be with other co-founders.

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gyro_robo
"Let"? That kind of pre-existing power disparity already says it's doomed.

You need all your support systems Go For Launch or it's a no go. They all need
to be behind you, pushing you FORWARD.

~~~
far33d
You really don't understand marriage. You don't just do things - You work
together.

~~~
gyro_robo
Actually I understand only too well. I know the OP's situation is no good
because your partner should be supporting your dreams/goals/aspirations and
vice-versa. You should never have to ask permission, or convince someone to
"let" you pursue your dreams. Nobody who truly cares about you would ever try
to stand in the way of it.

"Because I really want to" is reason enough for anyone you're that close to.
Bringing in a bunch of unknown people on the 'net to help you plead your case
is a defacto admission of a lack of closeness/belief/trust.

~~~
far33d
The act of convincing is an important one. You need to convince your spouse
that it's important to you. More important than all the other concerns (that's
the hard part).

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staunch
It's a super tough thing. I think the startup founder with a successful
marriage and a successful startup is the rare exception. They're both full-
time commitments and one almost always loses the battle for attention.

Tom Leykis (much hated LA "shock jock") advises (paraphrasing): _Do not get
married until you've achieved your dream in life._

I think that's good advice to take, even if it's tough thing to face. I
haven't see much evidence to contradict it.

~~~
pg
A startup founder with a successful startup is already a rare exception.

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bootload
_'... convincing wives to let their husbands become entrepreneurs? ...'_

Find the union of where your expertise domain overlap and complement and work
towards an idea from there. Think SixApart (coder, designer ~ blog tools),
Fastgraph (coder, game designer ~ games & engine development tools), Flickr
(visual design, communication skills) . Lots of startups have spouses in them.
It's a matter of finding and aligning skillsets,

~~~
gibsonf1
As a married entrepreneur, I would never recommend having your wife work with
you. Relationships are complicated enough without throwing business
complications into the mix. My "trick" was to have a startup that grew
organically out of and enhanced my "day" job.

~~~
maliciouskitty
On the other hand, I run a little online shop with my girlfriend, that is
getting pretty respectable income: I handle the technical things, and she
handles the customer services/inventory/shipping stuff.

It surely beats working for somebody else: more time to spend together, less
grunt work and potentially more income too.

You do not need VC/Angel funding for your startup... it is definitely possible
to grow your business, have a life and be rich at the same time. Don't be
ruled by the 'Tyranny of Or'.

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mynameishere
Tell her:

If I fail, we lose the house. If I succeed, I'll get rich and "trade up", if
ya know what I mean.

~~~
sbraford
Lol. Yeah, the poster must not have Tom Leykis on the air in his town. He'd do
well to listen to a few episodes. Or just man up.

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steve
I more or less hide it from my girlfriend. No really.

It does help that she works long hours as well, and of course we have no
children.

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asdf333
So my experience from doing a startup. It depends on the wife/girl. \- If they
are confident and not risk adverse its OK. My gf practically told me to go get
a life and challenge yourself or i'm going to dump you b/c you are clearly
doing nothing in your current corporate job. She is still a student though,
and there are no family considerations. \- other significant others in the
team required more convincing, but most saw how 'serious' their loved one was
about it and initially opposed it but eventually said ok.

this is really different from a kid/house situation though. i think there is a
different level of responsibility if you have others depending on you for
financial security. I think then its really a decision between you and your
wife that you sit down and discuss. In geneneral though, you want to sell the
story and back it up w/ action.

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euccastro
Your wife or your cofounders' wives? I only ask because you phrase it in
plural.

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euccastro
Whoever downmodded, care to explain? I'm not smartassing or critiquing the
writing; I was really doubtful about what the poster meant.

If I wanted to ask what everyone is replying, I'd say "any advice on
convincing your wife to let you become an entrepreneur?" All that indirection
about 'wives' and 'husbands' makes it look like someone is worried that the
wive(s) of their prospect cofounder(s) will prevent them from taking the leap.

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omouse
Promise her riches beyond her wildest dreams?

~~~
staunch
"So when you're rich can leave me for some younger, hotter model?"

~~~
gyro_robo
Time to upgrade the server!

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litepost
"Let"? As in .. you have to ask?

Be "the man." Take "the risk." She will follow you. (Otherwise, dump her.)

Also, read "The Way of the Superior Man" (and/or other books) by David Deida.
It will be one of the better investments you will make in your life.

PS. There's a reason San Francisco's dead-last in (_heterosexual_) sex, young
children and babies per capita: (Hint: can be elucidated from the following
article) <http://digg.com/offbeat_news/No_Sex_Tonight_2>

