
“I didn’t meet my girlfriend until 12 years after our daughter was born” - I-M-S
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/28/style/modern-love-how-i-met-my-children.html
======
rcar
There's a trailer for a documentary about this guy and his family here:
[https://www.fortydollarsapop.com/](https://www.fortydollarsapop.com/)

Interesting to actually put faces to the people being discussed in the piece.

~~~
cthalupa
Interesting!

In the trailer, it looks like Madi's parents had a bit of mixed feelings on
her meeting Aaron - one was happy, the other scared. Since she ultimately
ended up moving to live with him (or in the same building?), I wonder how
they've reacted since then.

She's an adult so I guess the moving around bit is around right on time
anyway, but it does bring up an interesting consequence to this sort of meet-
up for younger children, where the kids believe that they'd enjoy living with
their biological parent more than they enjoy living with the people that
raised them. And it's certainly possible that they might.

------
werber
When I found my biological mother the similarities were striking. She was a
second generation programmer, similar interests, likes and dislikes, we had
haunted similar places decades apart, loads of physical quirks. It's mind
boggling to me how much of what I thought was my unique self was probably more
controlled by genetic variables I had no idea were in play

~~~
gnulinux
This really depresses me since I'm also very similar to my dad and I do not
want to be.

~~~
tkxxx7
you don't have to subject yourself to his limitations. Maybe, being so
similar, you can better learn from his mistakes.

------
Illniyar
"But it was Alice’s, entitled “A series of awkward events separated by
snacks,” that floored me.

Hers was a hodgepodge of lists and memories written under duress (“Mom: Write
or death!”). Favorite color: “Black. Like my soul.” Favorite holiday:
“Halloween (because candy and murder).” She liked Alfred Hitchcock films.
“Basically,” she wrote, “I’m an angsty teen in a child’s body.”

This kid’s 11?"

Forget the mother, make an entire article about that kid. Heck, let her write
that article.

~~~
whatshisface
Kids, especially girls, tend to hit that phase very early in bad family
situations.

~~~
dnautics
I hit that phase very early and had an idyllic childhood.

------
rhn_mk1
I find it jarring that someone calls people that they've never met "my
children". I get it - biologically they are offspring, but IMO the language
should reflect that being a father/mother/child means having a role in the
upbringing, and reserve a separate name for mere passage of genes.

~~~
rayiner
> reserve a separate name for mere passage of genes.

Genes are account for about 50% of the differences between people (with the
other 50% being environment), so I don't know if "mere passage of genes" is a
phrase that really makes sense. (Actually, "nurture" is less, because the 50%
environmental component includes surroundings that parents have no control
over: [https://www.medicaldaily.com/nature-vs-nurture-
debate-50-yea...](https://www.medicaldaily.com/nature-vs-nurture-
debate-50-year-twin-study-proves-it-takes-two-determine-human-334686.))

------
technofiend
At the age of 45, hoping to find some detail about my father I sent a cheek
swab to FTDNA. Not only did I find him via a relative doing genealogy but he
turned out to be a completely different person than I had thought! My aunts
had been telling me it was wishful thinking on my mother's part because she
was obsessed with who she wanted it be.

Can you imagine? Forty five years of not knowing who your real father is
because someone refused to face reality! Unfortunately reading these threads
on Reddit made me realize my story is all too common. All I can say is highly
recommended if you're trying to discover your _true_ roots.

~~~
thex10
I'm in a similar circumstance, being into adulthood having not identified my
father (who is believed deceased). 23andMe didn't turn up any useful hints,
but your story makes me think I should give some other services a try...
thanks for sharing.

~~~
technofiend
You're welcome and best of luck.

------
denzil_correa
I don't know about the good looks but the author definitely has a good writing
style to keep the reader engaged. Very wholesome and warm story!

~~~
webmaven
Here's a photo:

[https://media3.s-nbcnews.com/j/newscms/2018_46/2646241/18111...](https://media3.s-nbcnews.com/j/newscms/2018_46/2646241/181114-aaron-
long-mn-1300_83634f820a17562716c5d1e86cd30f6f.fit-560w.jpg)

Long (and his mother) are in the middle, Bryce and Alice on the right, Madalyn
is 2nd from left. Jessica (Alice's mother, and now Long's girlfriend) is at
far left.

------
ngngngng
I found my biological mother just a few years back, right after I turned 18.
There is not much better than being introduced as an adult to siblings and
relatives and having your circle of loved ones expand overnight. This inspires
me to write my story somewhere.

~~~
jaggederest
I was kinda on the other end of this, truly a wonderful experience. It's
absolutely true that as soon as you meet someone related to you, it's
completely obvious.

It's a funny story for me - one year in the fall, when I was about 12, my mom
got in contact with her biological daughter, my oldest half-sister, so boom,
new sister for Christmas.

Next year, my father confirmed that he was the biological father of my older
half brother - boom, new brother for Christmas.

I sat both my parents down very seriously and said "This shit has got to stop.
It's becoming a trend. Are there any others out there? Even the tiniest
possibility?"

~~~
busterarm
I didn't have the experience either one of you did, unfortunately.

The other side of my family sought me out when I was 26. My siblings are all
20 years older than me and my nieces and nephews all 6-10 years younger than
me. They're nice people but they lived fairly normal New England Catholic
upper-middle-class lives. I pretty much grew up broke and on the street in the
seedier areas of old New York. We have very little in common.

It's probably my fault that everything didn't gel, but it's difficult
accepting a completely new family as an adult when you already have struggles
with your existing one.

Moreover, my father was a complete creep and I learned why my mother stayed
away from him. The whole experience was very uncomfortable and very sad and we
haven't spoken since.

------
curtis
> _In the end, the sci-fi trappings of our love story are irrelevant: ..._

Just before I got to this paragraph I was thinking how this article could have
been a science fiction short story similar to ones I'd read back in the 80s or
90s.

I'm still waiting for my flying car, but we may be living in the future after
all.

------
adjkant
The nature/nurture party game is an incredibly fun and interesting idea.
Tangentially makes me think that sperm donors are a ripe focus group for
research on nature/nurture. Anything like this done already?

~~~
olalonde
Twins which were raised separately are often used for such studies:
[https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/just-a...](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/just-
alike-twins-separated-at-birth/)

------
dougmwne
This is such a delightful story. Genetic testing turned the lost biological
family from an enduring personal mystery into a Google search. Something that
was supposed to be forever hidden was suddenly indexed. And lo and behold,
blood is still thicker than water.

------
webmaven
More coverage (largely about a different example, but including Long's
discovered family as well):

[https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/sperm-donor-dad-when-
st...](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/sperm-donor-dad-when-strangers-
shared-dna-become-family-n937366)

------
jxub
What a weird but heartwarmingly beautiful story!

------
jtr_47
This article sounds like an advertisement.

~~~
ileri62
Agree. He mentioned 23andMe waaaaaaaay too many times for this not to be an
ad.

~~~
dwaltrip
Is there anything that prevents 23andMe from selling the genetic data they
collect?

~~~
B0btheBuilder
Nope. Which is why I refuse to use services like theirs.

~~~
pivo
I found my biological family through them. Mother, father two brothers, nieces
and nephews and an aunt. Definitely woth it for me.

------
toasterlovin
The evolutionary game theory of sperm donation is fascinating. On the one
hand, there is the prospect of a huge number of offspring. On the other hand,
donors are pairing their genetic legacy up with genes from people who are
reproductively challenged.

~~~
c22
Isn't it usually the mother's partner (or lack of one) who is reproductively
challenged?

~~~
webmaven
Sometimes it's the _combination_ that's the problem, though that can often be
worked around with IVF.

------
eric24234
Intelligent and hardworking but still don't want to take responsibilities of
raising children as it takes too much time. Then sperm donation looks like a
nice option.

------
drdeadringer
Tangentially related is the recent documentary "Three Identical Strangers",
triplets separated at birth who discover each other like you wouldn't believe.

------
johnchristopher
What would happen if he had met another mom before the one of the story ?
Would the same spell have happened ? Or was it a bit of luck the first mother
was the one ?

~~~
nebulous1
I was wondering what he was going for with "I’m up to 10 now; I have had some
contact with the new ones’ mothers but haven’t made plans to meet yet"

------
9wzYQbTYsAIc
Very sweet and humorous writing. Sci-non-fi gone right, for once.

------
alecco
Russian roulette:
[https://duckduckgo.com/?q=sperm+donor+child+support&t=ffab&i...](https://duckduckgo.com/?q=sperm+donor+child+support&t=ffab&iar=news&ia=news)

~~~
butisaidsudo
While it looks like mixed results at first, on closer inspection every one of
those is for the same case. It appears that as of the latest ruling, he does
not owe child support.

~~~
alecco
We are seeing different results.

[https://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/nation-
world/national/artic...](https://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/nation-
world/national/article24727612.html)

[https://www.theguardian.com/money/2012/oct/26/gay-sperm-
dono...](https://www.theguardian.com/money/2012/oct/26/gay-sperm-donor-pay-
child-support-maintenance)

[https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/child-support-case-
invo...](https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/child-support-case-involving-
sperm-donor-is-a-canadian-first-that-could-be-decided-by-a-new-ontario-law)

[https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/sperm-donor-
liable...](https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/sperm-donor-liable-for-
child-support-judge-rules/)

