
New Feelings: Selfish Intimacy - longdefeat
https://reallifemag.com/new-feelings-selfish-intimacy/
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Sir_Cmpwn
Maybe I'm just out of touch (25 years old here) but I've never felt this
desire to share this stuff. I don't want to be the stereotypical "it's the
kids who are wrong" here - but I think this behavior has been trained into
them by companies whose interests are served by it. In my book that's a bad
thing. A desire for privacy isn't selfish at all, it's actually a sign of a
well-adjusted person.

~~~
Topolomancer
I would go one step further: for me, the article has a slight undertone of a
dystopian future. 'Why do you not want to share how great your life is? Why
are you keeping these things to yourself? This is selfish, everyone should
benefit from it!'

I hope this is not where parts of society are headed right now, but from my
partial observation of people who regularly use Instagram, there is a certain
validation mechanism going on. It tends to enforce/augment the 'drama level'
in one's life to some extent, as even mundane events (getting an ice-cream,
eating dinner...) have to be put into a relevant context ('Treating myself to
a big cone after crushing the TPS reports today').

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jacobush
Interesting, I didn't read it at all like that. I read it as pointing out the
inherent shifts in interest when you are sharing intimate life with strangers.

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Topolomancer
I see your perspective in there as well. Maybe for me it is a function of my
age; having already reached the magical 30-year mark, the urge of telling
people to 'get off my lawn' gets bigger and bigger over time :-)

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beautifulfreak
I wonder if her mother, who let her publish this article, really grasps how
invasive it is. It strikes me as an example of "praeteritio," the rhetorical
device of mentioning that which can't be mentioned. It's very well written,
but is it in earnest? Because I feel she's shared too great an intimacy. But I
suppose the writer's gaze is always somewhat rapacious.

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mLuby
So much good in here, thanks for _sharing_!

>For my mother, privacy is not just a personal boundary or a practical concern
but an instinct, and something like an ethos: She has a deep revulsion to the
idea of something private circulating in public context. She dislikes having
her picture taken and hates having it shared; it removes her right to
represent herself.

>As I circled my parents’ house with my phone, I claimed to be acting in good
faith…But…I was trailing the threat of an unknown audience through her space.

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symfoniq
> She dislikes having her picture taken and hates having it shared; it removes
> her right to represent herself.

I sympathize with the mother.

Every time one of my children has been born, I've had conversations with the
"usual suspects" about not posting pictures on social media when they come
visit us in the hospital.

They haven't always complied with my request.

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mikejulietbravo
I feel like avid Social media users are more likely to feel imposter syndrome
because they're accustomed to curating their image. If you're broadcasting a
specific or hyper-competent image to coworkers, there's always going to be a
risk that someone will call out the fact that what you say you are (or can do)
and what you actually are (or can actually do) are not in alignment.

~~~
monetus
I'd intuit you're probably right. One problem when people are too honest in
public though is that negativity is perceived more than its opposite. Having a
bad quality can invalidate your good ones sadly.

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justtopost
Wow, this author needs a camping trip. That is a messed up way to experince
life.

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stuaxo
Stopped reading fairly early on, just comes across as very strange - visit
people or your parents to visit them, it's really odd behaviour to want to go
and take only pictures of their house.

The only reason we've been encouraged to "share" photos of everything is to
enrich social media companies.

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lifeformed
The whole article is about the strangeness you felt reading it, you should
probably keep reading.

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hyperpallium
Some standup comedians self-disclose for entertainment. Now you can too.

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clanrebornwow
Recently I made a successful company broke up with girlfriend. She always used
to make me beg for little things while freely spent whatever was possible on
my cards, living on my dime and still ignoring me. Always busy on her
Instagram, replying to comments made by her fans bla bla. And with so called
boyfriend has couldn't even share a paragraph of text on instant messenger let
alone finding time for intimacy or dialogue.

I'd write her paragraphs of text and at the end she will reply with a single
word. Even when in front of her, she would be busy with her own thing.

I've lost interest in women since then.

It's better to be alone than have a false sense of companionship. Sure others
around me might think how successful I am and how I've one hot gal, damnn I
never met someone as self obsessive as her

This is my experience so far, not onces or twice, 4 times already.

These days everyone is also self obsessed.

I just want realistic sex dolls, so no one is able to manipulate me in lieu of
sex.

I feel incredibly sad and lonely, and now i am very bitter too. I argument and
verbally attack people.

I also hate myself now, nights and weekends are incredibly painful and lonely.

I am gravitating towards drug abuse, hell I was a guy who wouldn't even smoke
or drink. On the outside, people see a successful man with nice car/house and
inside it's a demon which they don't know about and can attack them anytime.

~~~
devit
That's not a girlfriend, it's someone taking advantage of you.

My suggestion is to read "Models: Attract Women though Honesty", by far the
best book on how to be a better man, and possibly the best bet on changing
your thought processes for the better (in addition to therapy, possibly).

If you feel like you really need sex to be happy, hire escorts: the ones that
are well reviewed online are generally far better people than the women you
describe, and will deliver what you agree upon with no manipulation.

~~~
godelmachine
Except that escorts will charge you a lotta money.

Also, would you please post a web link on where escorts are reviewed?

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jfk13
Keeping a "girlfriend" such as clanrebornwow's will also cost you a lotta
money, in addition to the psychological cost. At least with escorts the
transaction is clearer and better-defined.

I expect Google can help you out with "escort reviews <location>" for wherever
your area of interest happens to be.

