

Ask HN: How do you deal with severe social anxiety? - tollis

I have had a lot of social anxiety ever since I was a child.<p>Small encounters (in other people's minds) have always become collosal conflicts in my mind, making me feel that social interactions are far too much cost and too little benefit.<p>I often spend hours thinking about all of the possible meanings of encounters I have with people, oftentimes only able to sleep for a few hours a night because I go over everything in my head so much.<p>I'm sure there are other techies who have dealt with this issue in different degrees. My question is, is it possible to overcome it?<p>The reason I ask is, I feel that it is now becoming a serious impediment to my ability to enjoy my life and even to my ability to make a living.
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mbenjaminsmith
I would try joining groups (of any kind) and taking some kind of community
public speaking course. I dealt with what you are dealing now (maybe to a
lesser degree) and threw myself into a professional position that required
constant meetings and presentations. Then I started doing public speaking
events and some lecturing on the side. It helped a lot.

I've suggested these activities because they're all _structured_. You may be
stressed out by the unpredictability of social encounters. As scary as public
speaking is, I found the structure (I'm the speaker, you're the audience, this
is the topic, we have 45 minutes) much easier to deal with than even the
simplest chat with someone.

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petercooper
Yes - see a (good) cognitive behavioral therapist. Done properly, you'll get a
better feel for why your brain thinks certain things or acts in certain ways
and how to take more control over those processes (or to ignore/reduce
aberrant trains of thought).

In theory you can get quite a way entirely by yourself if you're determined
(programs are even being devised for potential Mars astronauts to conduct CBT
on themselves during the journey), but I think an external guide can be useful
to put things into perspective initially.

 _Disclaimer: I have attended such a therapist but for OCD, not social
anxiety. Worked pretty well at an hour a week for a couple of months. But
YMMV._

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kfool
Try yoga. You may be surprised at the world that opens up.

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pasbesoin
St. John's Wort helps some people. Look for a quality brand that is
standardized for hyperforin and not just hypericin.

Exercise can also help. If you can, try vigorous cycling or something similar
for 1 hour or more each day (work up to it).

This doesn't help the immediate term and should not be considered / waited
upon as a remedy, but age also seems to decrease the anxiety. Some people say
"you know yourself better" and/or "just don't care as much what others think",
but I speculate that it has as much to do with lower levels of hormones,
including stress hormones, as anything else.

