

High school teacher tells graduating students: you’re not special  - stfu
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/high-school-teacher-tells-graduating-students-special-article-1.1092109

======
BrianHV
It sounds like this was a good speech. I expect few people here will disagree.

I'd like to remark, though, on the fact that the author called this
"controversial advice," while going on to describe not a controversy, but
instead "overwhelmingly positive" reaction.

Recently I've been trying to think about stories like these. Stories where
someone speaks the truth that society doesn't want to hear, and people rally
around the truth teller. I try to ask myself who's in this willfully deaf
society if everyone I see supports the truth.

And in this case, I suspect we're still seeing some inertia from the self-
esteem movement to which the speaker alludes. But is there a deep controversy?
Is David McCullough a brave whistleblower speaking against a near-unanimous
wrong? Or is the New York Daily News making a big deal out of someone saying
what we all already know?

~~~
planetguy
Self-esteem culture is like nuclear armament. Everybody complains about it but
nobody wants to do anything about it individually; why would _you_ want to be
the one to break the little kids' hearts by denying 'em a medal even though
they _tried really hard_ and just happen to suck.

Alternatively, self-esteem culture is like "morons who can't drive". Everybody
complains about it, but the people who actually cause the problem lack the
self-awareness to see that they _are_ the problem even when they're
complaining about it.

Probably a little bit of both.

~~~
cafard
Well and good, but let's not pretend it's new or the fault of the boomers.
(Yes, like me.)

I find in a letter of Evelyn Waugh's dated 12 April 1949,

"My daughter Teresa (age 11) has come back from school with a glowing report
by her French mistress 2nd in class with 82% marks. I asked her to name in
French any six objects in the dining-room. After distressed thought she got
five, four of them with wrong genders. I know of another girl who came back
from another school with a special medal for swimming--a thing like the Garter
with a great sash. Her parents put her in the pool and she sank like a stone."

~~~
s_baby
Cliche boomer, blaming the generation before them. /joking

------
pedrobeltrao
I wanted to add a perspective from someone who comes from a European country
(Portugal) and have been living in the California for the past 4 and half
years. Forgive me for the generalizations but one thing that I admire about
Americans (at least Californians) is the strong positive "can-do" attitude to
life. A fire that gets people to start their own businesses and think of new
opportunities. It is obviously hard to pint-point the origin of any cultural
trait but I believe that it also stems from the positive re-enforcement that
this article is talking about. Along with most people of my generation that I
know of, I was brought up with exactly the sort of message that this teacher
is conveying ("you're not special"). I really think this contributes to the
fact that Portuguese are one of the most risk averse people in the world. Even
when we start our own businesses we pick very safe jobs
([http://mvalente.eu/2011/03/08/the-paradox-of-portuguese-
entr...](http://mvalente.eu/2011/03/08/the-paradox-of-portuguese-
entrepreneurship/))

I realize that it might be exaggerated positive re-enforcement in the US and
that this can have very serious negative consequences. Learning to fail and
balancing your future expectations is a requirement for good mental health.
Just keep in mind that there are certainly good things about this attitude.

~~~
refurb
The positive encouragement model of raising/educating children is a relatively
new thing in the US, so I don't think it has much to do with the "can-do"
mentality. I'm in my mid-30s and we certainly didn't have it in school when I
was growing up. I can remember my brother getting held back a grade.

If anything, I think its the current model that threatens the "can-do"
attitude of the US, since I think a lot of the "can-do" attitude is really
resilience. It an attitude that says "this won't be easy and I might fail, but
I can always get up and try again".

If kids gets nothing but positive reinforcement, those initial failures are
going to be particularly painful and discouraging. I think parents can teach
their children so much by letting them fail (within boundaries) and giving
them not self-confidence that they can do anything, but the self-confidence
that they can handle any hardship. That's an important difference.

Before I start getting downvoted, I just want to say I haven't start yelling
at kids to "get off my lawn!!" yet. :P

~~~
nzealand
Americans had more positive encouragement at school 30 years ago than most
other countries.

------
yumraj
I have a 6 year old son, who recently finished a language class (Hindi) and a
chess class. In both of these, he got a medal. Why? Because everyone got a
medal.

So, in end, he is happy, with a sense of achievement, but what achievement I
don't know.

I believe that failure in life is important, at least was for me, otherwise I
would never have tried harder. But if people are given something for nothing,
how do you define/measure success.

~~~
jcromartie
A medal seems silly, but here in this part of the US it's common to see 5th
grade and 8th grade graduation ceremonies, complete with parties, fancy
dresses, and gifts, for the _near 100%_ of kids who met the minimum
requirements of the lower levels of their compulsory age-based schooling.

It seems like it's even more common among people who have the least to
celebrate: middle-to-upper-middle-class suburban White parents, where your
kids practically can't fail school even if they try.

~~~
mgkimsal
Do any students fail public school grades anymore? Do students get 'held
back'?

Back in the 70s, I knew students who were 'held back' - repeated 4th grade
again, etc. I don't think I've heard of that since then. Obviously I'm no
longer a 4th grader :) but among people I know with kids, the concept of "held
back" never comes up.

~~~
younata
No.

Even if you deserve to be 'held back', you get what's called a 'social
promotion'.

In 8th grade, there was this big project we (each student) had to do in order
to 'pass' 8th grade. The teachers all told us that if we didn't do it, we'd
fail 8th grade, but still go on to high school as a 'social promotion'.

I actually had several friends who decided to not do that project, because
nothing bad would happen to them if they didn't do it.

~~~
mjdwitt
Those social promotions are clearly screwed up, especially as old as eighth
grade. As a counterpoint anecdote, however, my mother is a kindergarten
teacher who holds back (on average) two students a year for failure to
understand the material or social immaturity that would prevent them from
learning anything in first grade. And this is in a state (Indiana) in which
kindergarten is voluntary.

------
magicalist
Oh, HN, so grumpy.

What no one here has mentioned yet is that for most people, after you get out
of school, you won't be winning first place and yet you _will_ be rewarded
(with a paycheck) for just showing up and doing a fairly average job.

The other comments with walking a fine line with this are spot on. How quickly
we forget another piece of favorite HN repostery: praise kids for effort, not
for being smart (or some other supposedly intrinsic quality). Yes, the kid
that shows up, sticks his finger up his nose and receives a participation
prize has learned little, but the kid that showed up, worked really hard, and
totally failed might still get something out of it.

~~~
drivebyacct2
I totally agree with you, although getting a "fairly average job" is easier
said that done for those who aren't at least somewhat exceptional.

~~~
Negitivefrags
If it really is an average job then it can't only be taking exceptional
people.

You either need to redefine what you think an average job is, or redefine what
you think an exceptional person is.

------
willwashburn
This especially hits home with me, since I've gotten trophies and awards for
pretty much anything I've ever done (including in college). Until I hit the
'real world' and realized that even though I was talented and had a lot going
for me, it didn't matter: there are a million people in the same boat.

My most recent realization, though, is that most people my age don't want to
work too hard. We are used to getting the accolades with the default level of
effort, so why bother?

I'm special though, I work hard. Seriously I'm special. TELL ME I'M SPECIAL.

~~~
amcintyre
> _My most recent realization, though, is that most people my age don't want
> to work too hard._

You can probably leave out "my age" and it will still be fairly accurate.

------
lsc
man, where did you guys go to high school? it was, by far, the most difficult
and unpleasant thing I've ever experienced. People were harder on me in high
school than they ever have been in the what, 14 years after? I had to work far
harder than ever after, and the rewards were nearly non-existent, compared to
having a "real job"

I mean, I've heard about these stories, but really? high school is miserable.
You get shat upon by nearly everyone, and nobody has any sympathy. Add to that
the usual confusion of puberty and of trying to develop your own framework of
morals and life philosophy, and it's rough.

But yeah... from what I remember? this idea that "you are not special" or, at
least, "you are not special in the good way" was pounded into you, all day,
every day.

I'm having a hard time believing things changed that dramatically in the last
14 years. I suspect the difference was that I went to one of the worst schools
in the state, while many of these complaints are about good schools in good
areas; the schools people fight to get their kids into.

~~~
ImprovedSilence
I have a tendency to agree with you. But I'd go one step further and say that
in college, at least from a classroom standpoint, teachers were the hardest on
you, and the least likely to give a crap about you. It was up to you to go
home and understand the material, no time for pampering or pats on the back
there.

------
daenz
Overall I think there is some truth in is message, but the answer to one
extreme is not another extreme...it's no extremes. Everyone is unique and
special, just not as unique as our egos like to make us think. We're also all
very similar under a broad enough lens.

Honestly, it sounds like the teacher has some underlying issues with himself
(and students) that expressed themselves in this speech. He couldn't have
seriously thought a 10-minute speech would change a lifetime of behavior.

------
mikeevans
Unrelated to the content itself, but isn't it annoying how the article is
littered with links to other articles?

~~~
pavel_lishin
It reminds me of the Starship Troopers movie, actually, and it's incredibly
annoying.

------
PaulHoule
Chris Lasch wrote the book on this in 1976

[http://www.amazon.com/The-Culture-Narcissism-Diminishing-
Exp...](http://www.amazon.com/The-Culture-Narcissism-Diminishing-
Expectations/dp/0393307387)

------
jcdreads
Full text of the speech:
[http://www.boston.com/yourtown/news/wellesley/2012/06/youre_...](http://www.boston.com/yourtown/news/wellesley/2012/06/youre_not_special_teacher_tell.html?p1=Well_Local_YourTownlinks)

~~~
js2
It's easier to read here:

[http://www.theswellesleyreport.com/2012/06/wellesley-high-
gr...](http://www.theswellesleyreport.com/2012/06/wellesley-high-grads-told-
youre-not-special/)

(All on one page, no interspersed ads, better formatting.)

~~~
tytso
The website's bandwidth has been maxed out. Google webcache here:

[http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:wQU2TYM...](http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:wQU2TYMPxZkJ:www.theswellesleyreport.com/2012/06/wellesley-
high-grads-told-youre-not-special/+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us)

------
dbbolton
Sorry for the off-topic remark, but I really couldn't believe that this
website uses what amounts to ads to separate paragraphs. I was honestly too
irritated and distracted to finish reading the article.

------
rytis
Can I do better than 50% of my classroom mates? If yes then I am ok. Can i do
better than 90% ? If yes then I am special.

~~~
bilbo0s
Only if your classmates can do better than 90% of the rest of the developed
and emerging world.

THAT is the real question. And, frankly, for the vast majority of Americans...
an honest answer to that question sucks to think about.

~~~
r00fus
That would put you in the 1%, right?

I posit that even being in the top 10% is probably fine. The problem is a
global economic system that isn't growing with the population and funneling
the money to the 1%, as opposed to the 10% (which now just get by), much less
50 or 100% of the humans on the planet.

------
jack-r-abbit
_Even if you're one in a million, on a planet of 6.8 billion that means there
are nearly 7,000 people just like you._

That right there is probably the best summary of all.

------
theorique
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying
organic matter as everything else.

~~~
rsanchez1
Well, at least high school graduates are not yet decaying since they have yet
to reach their prime. After you reach your peak biologically, you are decaying
organic matter.

~~~
jack-r-abbit
In a way, you pretty much begin dying as soon as you are born. That is not
meant to be something morbid. But everybody sheds dead skin everyday.

------
wilschroter
This topic seems to get re-hashed every few weeks on HN. Sort of getting tired
of hearing about it.

~~~
rsanchez1
At least it's not the exact same story getting re-hashed ten times in a day,
which happens fairly often on HN.

------
dromidas
I kind of want there to be a fan club for this guy. He rocks.

------
mattm
Everyone is different yet everyone is the same

------
rsanchez1
In a world that makes sense, this wouldn't be a big deal, because (most)
graduating high school students really aren't special. We aren't all be a Jobs
or a Gates or a Zuckerberg. But in today's society, this is making waves due
to reasons the teacher cites in his commencement speech: because Americans
have come to appreciate accolades more than genuine achievement.

~~~
pbhjpbhj
Being 'special' as an adult doesn't mean you were special in a particular way
as a child though does it?

