
Ask HN: How to network in San Francisco as a super introvert? - redcorona
So I came to San Francisco 1 month back. I have got to know 10 to 15 co workers so far who maintain professional relationship. I am super  introvert since childhood ( many reasons). I just don&#x27;t know how to network. Now since I am in best tech hub in the world I want to make most of it. I am non-citizen tough.
I have read repeatedly that best opportunities come through network. It does not matter if  you know four more algorithms but if you know right people you can make it big, powerful  impact and possibly change the world for better.<p>So how do I network in SF and make most of it while I have this opportunity. Many people on HN have diversified experience so would love to hear from everyone what can i do ?<p>I like hanging out with people but I suck at holding up interesting conversation one that could trigger or create lasting impact.<p>There are so many great minds in this area so would love to hear techniques to connect to potential founders, VCs, engineers, PMs,business people.<p>What can I do  to attract people,  to get myself invited to parties and have someone talk to me about their ideas, meet people from Goog,Twtr,Fb,Reddit,HN more and more.<p>Cheers
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7Figures2Commas
> There are so many great minds in this area so would love to hear techniques
> to connect to potential founders, VCs, engineers, PMs,business people.

> What can I do to attract people, to get myself invited to parties and have
> someone talk to me about their ideas, meet people from
> Goog,Twtr,Fb,Reddit,HN more and more.

A couple of suggestions:

1\. Don't focus so much on meeting specific types of people or people who work
at specific companies. When you have a clear agenda motivated by personal
gain, it can be a huge turn-off. Instead, make a habit of talking to lots of
people, and remember: to be interesting, be interested.

2\. Parties are overrated. It can be hard to make quality connections,
especially if you're introverted. Instead, try meetups/events that put you in
the room with folks with whom you share an interest. It's a lot easier to
break the ice in these environments.

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mattmurdog
You're doing it now by posting! I think in some ways most engineers are a
little introverted. Sometimes you just have to muster up the energy to start a
conversation. Find people you're comfortable with and go from there.

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SCAQTony
Get involve in a user group, organization or association, a recreational
activity such as masters swimming or yoga, perhaps a Hacker news meet-up?

Better yet, do all of the above. Good luck. I wish you success.

~~~
tracker1
That was going to be my suggestion... there are lots of user groups in pretty
much any major city with a number of interests.

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sheraz
Network your ass off after hours :-) That is what I've done (similar
situation).

This is one of the many reasons I created 3cosystem [1], a simple mobile
website that lists most of the tech and startup events in over 60 cities
worldwide.

I was new to Stockholm and wanted to plug-in to the startup ecosystem as
quickly as possible. Turned out there were a lot of others that had the same
issue.

Have a look -- there are a ton of events.

[1] - [http://www.3cosystem.com/san-francisco](http://www.3cosystem.com/san-
francisco)

~~~
10dpd
3cosystem is just a merged feed from Meetup and Eventbrite ?

The best events are sometimes those that are not purely focused on tech.

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ahazred8ta
Find someone to go to these events with, who is more talkative than you. Ask
the people you know to introduce you to someone they know, who would also like
to network with the same types of business people. Do it together.

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curious_george
Volunteer. Get involved in the community. What San Francisco needs is not just
people who want to be part of a tech clique. Your network will expand and
naturally there will be people from some of these companies.

------
eblanshey
Don't forget to look up meetups in the tech section at meetup.com! Very good
way of finding like-minded people.

------
gregjor
No one "is" an introvert. Some people suffer from social impairment to such a
degree that they need professional help, but most introverts are just shy and
uncomfortable because they don't easily read social cues and situations.
Rather than calling yourself an introvert and reinforcing the behavior,
practice conversation and acting "not shy" until it becomes natural.

When I was young my teachers told my parents that I was autistic. My mother,
to her credit, refused to medicate me and figured I would grow out of it. Some
years later, when I was an awkward shy teen, my grandfather, a psychiatrist,
told me that I could try acting "not shy" and I would get better at meeting
people and handling social situations. He was right, I tried, and it worked.
That short talk in my grandfather's car was the equivalent of thousands of
dollars of therapy.

Years later when my younger daughter was about five she was too shy to go
trick-or-treating or sell cookies door-to-door. She told me how anxious she
was talking to people. I told her to try acting "not shy" \-- smile big, look
people in the eye, talk a little louder than usual, and listen and acknowledge
what people say. She did that, it worked, she sold lots of cookies, and she
started making friends and feeling more confident. Today, at 21, she says she
still feels shy on the inside but no one else knows that, and she comes across
as outgoing and charming.

Socializing and conversation are learned behaviors, and almost everyone can
improve. Like any other skill it takes determination and practice. Remember
that if you try to meet someone or make a friend or professional connection
and you fail you are almost always no worse off than if you didn't try at all.

Put yourself into social situations, often. Introduce yourself, talk a little
more confidently than you are used to, look people in the eye, smile. Listen
when people talk to you and acknowledge what they said, even if it's just a
smile or a nod. If you listen and can add something to what was said, great.
Listening with interest will get you most of the way there -- don't feel like
you have to respond to everything or say something fascinating. Listen and add
to the converation when you have something to say. Eye contact and tone of
voice are important; people who mumble and avert their eyes come across as shy
or even antisocial, and that makes other people uncomfortable.

Try Toastmasters or some other safe venue to overcome shyness and social
anxiety. If you can get comfortable speaking to a group you will feel more
confident in casual conversation. I once worked with a professional salesman
who told me he used to suffer from crippling shyness. I was surprised to hear
that, because he was an Alabama good old boy with a bellowing voice, big
smile, and vice-grip handshake. He told me he had overcome his anxiety through
Toastmasters and practiced his smile, voice, and handshake until those were
second nature. I practiced the same things and stopped calling myself "shy"
and "introverted" because I learned I could behave any way I chose.

~~~
EleventhSun
This is an fairly ignorant post - it's well established that introversion has
nothing to do with shyness [0] [1].

One common definition of extroversion vs introversion is that an introvert
needs time alone to recharge, whereas an extrovert needs time around people to
recharge.

I would suggest doing some reading on the topic to prevent undervaluing a
large portion of the population. For example, see [2], or Susan Cain's "Quiet:
The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" [3].

[0] [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/29/introvert-
myths_n_3...](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/29/introvert-
myths_n_3569058.html)

[1]
[http://psychcentral.com/library/shyness.htm](http://psychcentral.com/library/shyness.htm)

[2] [http://www.bustle.com/articles/56526-7-things-all-
introverts...](http://www.bustle.com/articles/56526-7-things-all-introverts-
wish-people-knew-because-its-time-to-set-the-record-straight)

[3] [http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-
Talking/d...](http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-
Talking/dp/0307352153)

~~~
gregjor
Although the original author identified as a "super introvert" the problem he
or she is asking about does not seem like introversion, but rather shyness and
social anxiety. The author describes going to social gatherings and "like[s]
hanging out with people," but has problems carrying on a conversation. I
didn't read this as a clinical diagnosis of introversion, but as someone
asking for help dealing with specific social situtations. As your own sources
point out many people conflate introversion with shyness, and based on what
the original author actually described I inferred that shyness and anxiety are
the actual issues, whether or not he or she is also truly introverted.

My personal anecdotes, as both an introverted personality and (formerly)
shyness/social anxiety sufferer, are not meant as professional therapy. Take
my stories and advice for what they are. They are presented as personal
anecdotes, not psychology or self-help. Whether I know more about introversion
and shyness than the distinguished Huffington Post, Psychology Today, or
Bustle is left to the reader, but sites that also promote "One Weird Trick"
and celebrity diet advice may not be the best sources for psychology
information. Since I grew up around practicing psychiatrists and psychologists
in my own family I know that basing a diagnosis on a Jungian dualistic
principle is out of step with modern psychology.

Introversion and extroversion are not things people are; they are opposite
directions on an arbitrary scale of personality types. Likewise social anxiety
is a spectrum of behaviors and maladaptations, not a black spot in the brain
you can see on a CAT scan. That's what I meant by no one "is" an introvert.
Many people have behaviors that are commonly described as introversion, and
also shyness and social anxiety. Those behaviors may overlap in an individual,
or they may not. More important than the labels you or someone else attaches
to your personality and behavior is understanding that how you perceive
yourself, and how you present yourself and react to social situations, are
things that most people can change. Some people can do it themselves, others
may need professional guidance.

There's not enough information in the original article for me or anyone else
to say if the author has an introvert personality, or suffers from shyness and
social anxiety, or both. I addressed the actual problem the author described:
difficulty meeting people and carrying on conversation.

Since the author specifically asks about networking in the SF Bay Area I will
reiterate that listening is the best skill to develop, because he or she will
be trying to network with many people who love nothing more than an audience
so they can talk about themselves.

