
Start doing more things alone - dlib
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2015/05/02/why-you-should-really-start-doing-more-things-alone/?tid=sm_tw
======
pandler
Interesting that this came up. Last weekend, I was at a coffee shop / bar type
place with a friend and we got talking about body language. We started people
watching and noticed two separate people in the place: both males, both alone.

The first man, I decided, was waiting for someone and was very clearly
uncomfortable with the idea that he was sitting alone in a public place. His
right leg was shaking rapidly (my right leg started doing the same thing as I
watched him) and kept giving off signals that could only be interpreted as a
mixture of anxiety and outward gestures to let people know that he was waiting
for someone. He also kept taking out his phone, fiddling with it, and putting
it back away. I was behind him, so I noticed that all he was doing was
compulsively flipping back and forth between the home screens on his iPhone.
Sure enough, a woman with whom he seemed well-acquainted with showed up five
minutes later to join him, and he calmed down.

The second man had no scheduled guests beside his waiter and was calm as could
be. He just sat, unoccupied, and enjoyed his meal and coffee alone while
mildly observing his surroundings. He even noticed me glancing at him and
offered a smile as if to say that he knew what I was doing. I smiled back.

The reality is, and this was one of the points of the article, that I hadn't
even noticed either of them until I had intentionally given myself a reason
to.

~~~
jen729w
I'm often that second guy, and it's one of my favourite past-times.

My recipe:

1\. Go out, 2\. alone, 3\. with a book, 4\. and drink a glass of wine.

It never fails me. Often I don't even read the book - it's just a handy
crutch. If you do tire of gazing slowly at the surroundings, reach for the
book rather than your phone. _Never_ pull out your phone.

It's amazing how many little conversations I have with passers-by, the staff
at the cafe, the person sitting next to me, or, equally lovely, just nobody. I
just look around. I absorb the world for half an hour without really having to
be _doing_ anything, and certainly not _with_ anyone.

~~~
bshimmin
I used to love doing this when I lived in Italy - sitting outside a café in
beautiful weather watching the (often) beautiful people pass by, usually
languorously struggling through an Italian newspaper and making occasional
friendly small talk with the waiters. Now I live in the south west of England,
let's just say I don't have so much occasion to do this (he says, staring out
of the window at the steady drizzle falling in my office's car park).

------
rybosome
Halfway into my fourth year in college, I developed a major funk that led to
me failing several classes. My dad took me out to lunch one day for a "what
are you doing with your life?" talk. He had been very strict about schoolwork
and grades when I was younger (and throughout much of my college career), so I
was expecting to be badgered and threatened with his vision of my bleak future
if I didn't turn things around. After listening to me explain what was wrong,
he was silent for a bit, then suggested that I take a semester off school and
go to Europe. He had been planning to send me there as a graduation present,
but figured that it might snap me out of my blues and refocus my attention on
school. I took his offer, and spent a little over a month backpacking around
western Europe by myself. It was wonderful...the experience lead to me
learning to socialize with strangers, navigate foreign countries, communicate
necessities through language barriers and generally enjoy my own company,
which boosted my confidence considerably. I treasure many of the memories from
this trip, and would heartily recommend that anyone with the inclination
travel alone at some point in their lives.

~~~
throwaway1213
I've found myself in a similar situation, I think. I'd like to do some
travelling but I find myself getting hung up on money and overall I just don't
know what I would spend my time doing. What did you do once you arrived in a
town or city? I really would love to have an idea of what one would do in a
situation like that.

~~~
doorhammer
I personally like reading in different countries.

It sounds silly, but I really do. I toured ireland by bike with a friend of
mine (so I wasn't alone) and there were a few times we split up and went off
onto different paths, then would meet up later. I liked seeing things, meeting
other people, and finding little used bookstores to sell of my previous book
and buy another. Then I'd find a little cafe or restaurant and read a little.

I guess that's mostly just to say that you can really do whatever you enjoy
normally for fun; sometimes it just _feels_ better doing it in a different
location, around a different culture. At first I thought "man, I wasted my
money flying out here to read" but then I realized that I really liked it, and
so, who cares? It was great.

I agree with the sibling post, also. I spent about a month in Thailand on a
grand or so. We went all over the place. Chiang Mai was my favorite area,
personally. Lots of culture, and lots to see all over, though.

~~~
barbs
I think a lot of people experience a strange sort of complementary
relationship between travelling and reading. Perhaps it's something to do with
the notion of exploring new territory, both physically and imaginatively. This
might be why you see lots of "shared bookshelves" in hostels around the world.

You might be interested in BookCrossing.com. You write a note inside a book
and leave it in another country, and it's encouraged to read the book, and
then take it somewhere else, and keep track of its progress on the website.
I'm not sure how successful it is in practice generally, though. I left a book
once in Ho Chi Minh city and it got as far as Bangkok, but I don't know where
it is now.

------
startupfounder
I would extend this and say start doing more things alone without technology.

It's about building trust with yourself, believing in you to be able to not
only survive any situation, but to thrive.

We use people and technology as a social crutch and it limits our
understanding of ourselves.

I hitchhiked throughout New Zealand by myself when I was 18 for 6 months and
although it was a little uncomfortable and even scary at first I learned to
trust myself and I built a huge amount of confidence that I still carry with
me today.

Put yourself in situation where you have to trust strangers and in those
authentic interactions you will see that humans around the world are really
beautiful and loving and learn that it applied to yourself too.

My recommendation even for a weekend is to pack a small carry on size backpack
with no electronics (phone, laptop, etc.) and go somewhere that you have never
been in a way that you have never traveled. Hitchhike to Yosemite and find a
place to camp and a fire to share.

~~~
meric
I don't know how to camp or maintain a fire. Would you still recommend it?

~~~
bmelton
Not to be glib, but there's only one way to learn, really.

Maintaining a fire isn't all that hard, and neither is pitching a tent, after
you've done it once.

That said, I would personally recommend camping your first time with others,
even if just on a meetup group or something (there's probably one in your area
if you look, and if there's not, you can start one), though it's not critical.

Pitching a tent can be frustrating, but if you get to your campsite while
there's still plenty of light, it's not that hard. Avoid doing it at night
until you get experience, and you should be fine. As for _starting_ a fire,
take a piece of fire log and a lighter. Add small sticks and progressively
larger ones. Read an article about it or two. It isn't that hard, though
plenty of folks are opinionated about it -- like starting a fire with
charcoals.

My email address is in my profile, and I'm an insanely avid camper / hiker, so
feel free to email me, and I can give you tips, checklists, etc., etc.

~~~
lfowles
> As for starting a fire, take a piece of fire log and a lighter. Add small
> sticks and progressively larger ones. Read an article about it or two. It
> isn't that hard, though plenty of folks are opinionated about it -- like
> starting a fire with charcoals.

Or, use your bag of Doritos you brought along as a fire starter (More likely
if car camping, but not all camping needs to be in the middle of nowhere. If
you're located in the US, your local state park might be near empty outside of
peak months.)

------
throwaway436234
I'm on a work gig away from home and have been spending most of my free time
alone. I like it and end up in these situations on purpose, but after few
months it starts to feel a bit strange. I usually try to go out to do things
as I feel happier about it than staying in. Some things like museums and art
galleries are nice to do alone, but most things city has to offer are
culturally meant to be done in groups or together with someone.

I do get conscious about it every now and then and things like eating in a
busy restaurant weekend nights can be uncomfortable. Or going to see a gig and
then getting very bored while waiting between bands.

Sometimes I see great things or I fall deep into my thoughts and get some new
insights, but don't immediately get to share them with anyone. When I get back
home after half a year or so most of my friends comment that the time just
flew by. They ask me what has happened and it's difficult to explain. It's
like nothing happened to me, but for many many times.

------
milhous
A judicious combination of solitude and social interaction is key. I've long
had to battle the problem of leaving social events early because it was just
too easy to stick around until something was over, only then feeling guilty
afterward because some of that time could've been better spent doing Math or
working on a project/program. I like to do these things not because I'm a
recluse, but that these activities are enriching, align with my goals, and
just happen to be individual/solitary activities.

While it would be nice to travel (as others have done, which is great), go to
beer/food festivals and concerts this summer, I'd rather be reviewing Vector
Analysis, Linear Algebra, and Quantum Mechanics to get ready for the Fall
semester so that I can be ready with the material in class. This isn't to be
taken as an absolute. But for right now, it's the right thing to do, and to do
anything to the contrary would be a poor use of my time and lead to more guilt
and anxiety.

At 33 with many goals has made me realize that time management is essential,
and not investing in those goals will result in repeated failure and
frustration.

There's no shame in doing things alone and saying no to group activities. It's
all about Opportunity cost and the scarcity of resources. That resource being
time.

------
mytochar
I do quite a few things alone, myself and I do generally tend to have a good
time. In some cases, I actually have a better time than I expect I would with
others.

I like to go on drives into the middle of nowhere, usually deciding what turn
to take when I take the turn. Some other person would just be sitting in the
car blinking as I thought that one dirt road with no one on it was /the best/
turn to make at this second.

Or, I'll go to the zoo, and take photographs; but, that's not something that's
very fun to do with other people. I fear they'll get bored as I decide to sit
by a single animal enclosure for the next two hours, just waiting for the
creature there to do something photo-worthy.

I also often go out to eat alone. I have weird feeding schedules, and
sometimes I want to eat somewhere nice, so ... bleh. I actually don't feel too
bad about eating alone, but sometimes it could be quite a bit more fun to do
it in a group.

I do prefer to see movies with friends, though. There's the discussion about
the movie immediately after seeing it that I quite enjoy.

I also prefer to participate in extreme sports with others. Maybe not going
with them the whole time the extreme sport is happening; but, there is safety
in numbers in an activity that you could literally die from.

..

Long story short, for people that haven't done things alone for the
awkwardness reasons. I encourage you to try it. It can be quite a lot of fun,
depending on the activity.

------
alashley
I get the premise of the article, but not sure I entirely agree. A week or so
ago I went to a live music show at a pub, I got up for a minute to go to the
washroom, and when I came back someone was taking my chair from the table. Not
such a good feeling. Stuff like this happens sometimes when people go to
restaurants alone, I guess.

Maybe the important thing is to do things alone if necessary, but try to form
connections with people. Human beings are social creatures, and we all need
some form of interaction. Like my dad's mother-in-law told me, "Don't get too
used to being alone." I asked her why, and she didn't really give much of an
answer, but as I've grown older, I see the importance of friendships and
relationships.

~~~
ams6110
"dad's mother-in-law" ... odd way to say "my grandmother" ?

~~~
droithomme
English is possibly the least expressive language in history regarding
relationship terminology. It is very common for non-english speakers to prefer
idioms that more carefully map what they are thinking of instead of the highly
limited and simplistic possibilities of english.

~~~
gradys
I'd be curious to hear more about this.

You're saying that it's idiomatic in some languages to say something that
translates to "dad's mother-in-law" to refer to one's maternal grandmother?

What is the semantic difference between saying that and simply saying
"maternal grandmother" (or just "grandmother")? Does it indicate something
along the lines of "my grandmother" while also communicating distance from
one's mother, or that one's mother has died?

Do you know of any other interesting relationship semantics that are
frequently expressed in other languages, but awkward to say in English?

------
wbharding
I'm writing this from Panama on a solo trip I'm on. I get more vacation time
than my wife so tend to go on a couple solo vacations per year. It's great. I
can work as much as I want, make my plans on the morning of each day, and
spend a week walking miles with zero small talk.

The only drawback is having to occasionally justify to friends why I don't
bring a friend along (aren't you lonely? Aren't you bored? No). Probably a lot
like the dog and pony show vegans have to put on when they meet someone new
(don't you miss the eggs and cheese?)

------
misiti3780
I go out in NYC alone all the time, on weekends, for fun - Mostly I do it
because my friends are doctors and cant go out because they are on call - I
wish I would have realized much sooner how much fun you can actually have - at
a bar, alone on a Saturday night in NYC

I think there is a stigma attached going out alone though - I have random
people ask me if I am alone and seem surprised by the answer. I do a lot of
other stuff alone also, such as eating a restaurants, walking, etc. Going out
alone is the most fun because there is alcohol involved.

Moral of the story: You can still have fun, but if you have a girlfriend,
wife, or good friends, it's definitely better than doing things alone (IMO)

~~~
dopeboy
>> I think there is a stigma attached going out alone though - I have random
people ask me if I am alone and seem surprised by the answer.

This is the hardest part to combat, especially at a bar when there's no
attraction (say, a sports game) on. There is such an intense expectation for
_group_ social activity in nightlife that makes it very hard to go solo.

For this reason, I almost never have a good time going out to a bar by myself
so I'm surprised you enjoy it. Theatres and restaurants, on the other hand, I
have much better luck with.

~~~
misiti3780
i agree - i think it is important to not look at your phone or a tv (when you
are out), the reason you are out is to presumably meet people and have fun.
the easiest way to avoid this issue in my experience is

* make sure the bars you go in are crowded.

* given (1), always look for a long line for a drink, it gives you a lot of time to start a convo

* never sit down, always be standing (makes it it easier for people to approach you)

* go out later at night, people are more intoxicated and are more willing to talk (for better or for worse)

if a random person asks me if i am alone these days, i usually just tell them
i am waiting for a friend that is running late and they drop it - but if i
follow that check list, i never run into that situation anymore anyways.

I hate sports and dont follow them so I can never use them as a conversation
starter. i live in NYC and this works in the Lower East Side / East Village /
West Village - San Fran might be tougher - not sure

------
dpatrick86
The beginning of an article showcases a photo of a man eating by himself and
is captioned: "Not as sad as it looks."

Well, wapo, that depends. If the other two extra plates of food next to him
are for imaginary friends it puts a totally different twist on things that
might be sad after all.

~~~
onion2k
There's a thing called the Principle of Charity. Basically, if there's two
ways to read something, try using the more charitable way, the way that's
kinder and nicer, the way that doesn't assume the author is a moron. You'll
find things are a lot simpler and less confrontational that way.

~~~
l33tbro
Hmm, well why not try applying that principle to dpatrick86? I see nothing in
his comment that assumes the author is a moron.

~~~
jstanley
Perhaps onion2k could just be remarking that dpatrick86's comment is a good
example, and in fact he isn't assuming that dpatrick86 is assuming that the
author is a moron? :)

Ad infinitum.

------
greggyb
I'm a big fan of solo bar meals. Anecdotally and informally, I'd say at least
1/3 of the time a stranger or group will initiate conversation with me.
Overall it turns into an active social occasion for me >50% of the time.

Even without active social interaction, I find people watching to be very
enjoyable anyway.

~~~
1337biz
I wish that were the case in the places I am having lunch at - do you actually
mean by bar some past 9pm location etc? But I am frequently at coffee shops
and met so many really interesting people. Definitely a great way to connect
with people outside ones established social circle.

~~~
greggyb
I'll commonly do weekend lunch early-mid afternoon. I live in a highly
walkable neighborhood and day-hour happy hours are common in the area I live,
so there's usually decent traffic at this time.

Otherwise, dinner at fairly standard hours - somewhere in the 6p-8p range,
later in some areas.

------
joeyspn
> But other people, as it turns out, actually aren't thinking about us quite
> as judgmentally or intensely as we tend to anticipate. Not nearly, in fact.

^This... I'm European and when I've visited USA / Silicon Valley (w/o knowing
many people there) I have gone alone to hackathons, clubs, meetups,
conferences, and many other places... and I've enjoyed it even more than other
times I've gone out with friends. Doing things alone is powerful specially for
making new connections, if you have the right mindset, even when you're in a
foreign country.

Recommended vid: "Going Out Solo: How to hit the clubs alone and still have
fun"

Description: _Going out solo isn 't something to be ashamed of or even afraid
of. Sometimes your friends aren't willing but if you're on a mission to better
yourself socially you wouldn't allow that to be an excuse. If you need a
little encouragement on where to start I have some pointers for you_

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ftq0bzu2D1Q](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ftq0bzu2D1Q)

~~~
Estragon

      > Recommended vid: "Going Out Solo: How to hit the clubs alone and still have fun"
    

Any timestamps you recommend? The first few minutes are narcissistic garbage.

------
98Windows
The downside is you have no one to recount the experience with later on, you
might tell people about it but no one will ever understand what it was like
unless they were there with you.

~~~
pcurve
This is true... but you do end up making different kinds of memory on your
solo trip. It may not be with your loved ones, but it may be with type of
strangers that you may not have met.

I went on a solo trip to Japan couple of years ago. Even though I had planned
out the trip tightly, I ended up veering off course. For example, I was just
strolling aroud one day, and saw a fellow solo tourist hop into a bike rental
shop. So I followed him, and rented a bike myself too. Whopping $9/day. And we
kept on crossing path over the course of day, which was hilarious.

Around 9pm, I needed to return the bike, but I was completely lost. With all
businesses shut down in deserted part of kyoto, I was helpless. But I found
this one-man police station, so I walked in, asking for help. This chubby
jolly patrolman was so delighted to help despite communication barrier, he
went out of his way to walk me towards the rental shop.

Another day, I was just observing people on the street. I was surprised how
many young men and women make living hawking on behalf of clubs and
restaurants. One young lad caught my attention. He was shouting loud and he
looked thirsty. So I ran to a nearby vending machine and handed him a can of
ice coffee. Initially he was completely baffled, but then he got it after my
lame attempt at communicating. And thanked me and gave me a big smile. So he
and I have a nice shared memory.

Anyway, both types of trips are enjoyable. People who've never done solo
travel definitely should, when luxury allows.

~~~
discreteevent
Dervla Murphy (Irish solo travel writer, in her eighties now) has often
expounded the value of travelling alone. Basically she says that if you travel
with others it's a safe cocoon. But if you travel alone you end up observing
much more and interacting much more with the culture and people you visit.

~~~
oska
And this is a woman who went out of her way to avoid a 'safe cocoon'. Such as
traveling up the Indus valley on donkey-back in the 1970s. She did it when she
was a single mother and took her daughter, aged less than 10, along with her.
Just the two of them.

------
eam
I often find myself doing things alone. I took a trip alone to New Orleans and
went to have brunch at this popular restaurant. The line was pretty long and
lots of people waiting outside. I went up to the host and she asked how many
people were in my party, I responded, "just me." She said, "follow me this
way."

So one thing I've come to realize is that when you go to a restaurant alone
there's usually zero waiting time for seating, that's a plus. :)

~~~
Allegrippus
I'm single and 63, and that often happens to me, too. You just have to watch
they don't try to stick you into an undesirable small table next to the
kitchen door, etc. I find this occurs most often with younger, less
experienced hosts, and I simply won't put up with it. The instant I realize
I'm being guided to a poor table or a noisy area, I quickly look around and
request another one of my own choosing.

~~~
greggyb
I would highly recommend bar seating. So long as you're not at an hour where
the drinking crowd starts to overtake the dining crowd, it's usually quick to
find a space.

------
zastavka
I definitely need to do more of this.

Personal anecdote time: About a year ago a band I like (which also happens to
be a side project of members of my favorite band) was playing in my city and I
was trying to find friends to come with me, but none could or wanted to. I
spent a few hours beforehand agonizing over whether or not to go alone but I
finally decided "screw it, I'm going." Got to the club, band came on, played a
kick-ass show, and after I went to buy a record at the merch table I spotted
the singer (also one of the core members of said favorite band) hanging out by
the bar just talking to people. So I went over and said hi, shook his hand,
told him how awesome the show was and was generally a starstruck idiot the
whole damn time.

None of that would have happened had I decided not to go alone, and it seemed
silly in retrospect that I spent so long agonizing over the decision, but I
was definitely grappling with a degree of social anxiety. But now it's
something I do all the time. The key was convincing myself that no one
actually cares if you're at a concert by yourself.

I think that's true of a lot of other social situations, but sometimes it's a
hard mentality to internalize. Kind of weird how much we care about strangers'
perceptions of us.

------
pcurve
"describe their findings: that people consistently underestimate how much they
will enjoy seeing a show, going to a museum, visiting a theater, or eating at
a restaurant alone."

Very true. If you're halfway serious about art, you should not go to Museum
with anyone, but by yourself. Museum viewing is intensely solo activity.

Theater though, you're held captive to the seat for 2 hours, so it's more
about what you do before and after, that people have reservation about.

------
bigger_cheese
For whatever reason there is a social stigma attachted to being alone. I'm
single and in my early 30's I recently spent six weeks travelling around South
America I had a great time but when speaking to work colleagues about the trip
the first thing I usually get asked is some variation on "Who did you go over
there with?" It immediately gets really awkward when I say somethig like "I
travelled by myself."

------
mikecmpbll
Can't say that this has been my experience. I moved to the other end of the
country 2.5 years ago and still haven't really formed a social group. I
started off heading out and doing stuff on my own, but it gets pretty
depressing pretty quickly, and definitely isn't as fun as doing the same
things with others. I now don't really do public things on my own at all.

~~~
__z
I gotta agree. I've tried doing all sorts of things alone and honestly it get
really really old real fast.

~~~
a8da6b0c91d
Isn't the idea to go out alone and make new friends? You shouldn't have to go
out alone tons. Just enough to meet new people.

~~~
rimantas
It may be, but it should not. You can go alone for the purpose of making
friends with yourself. I this is why, I think, lots of people prefer not to be
alone: they are afraid of reflection. Or, god forbid, being alone in silence,
without some loud music to deafen the voices you might hear. I see being alone
as a kind of meditation.

~~~
__z
I'm not afraid of reflection or silence, not at all. Just doing things isn't
fun alone and after a couple times doing something alone I decide staying in
is more entertaining.

------
ThomPete
I love my own company. As in really really love it and I have found that I end
up meeting completely different kind of people when I do things alone.

When I first moved to SF 17 years ago I was going out to eat alone quite a
lot, this was before the smartphone so instead of technology I took a book
instead.

I have a lot of friends so it's not a question about that. It's just that
solitude brings out some interesting perspectives on life.

------
r0m4n0
I've found snowboarding to be an amazing activity to partake in alone. I'll
take a mid weekday off and drive to Tahoe (I live in CA) and most resorts dont
have lines at the lifts.

At my own steady pace, I'll get somewhat lost in the woods. Total silence and
just the trees and snow. Maybe sit down and take it all in. I find these trips
to be the best vacations and often I don't stay more than a day.

------
0x37
It is kind of sad that so many see doing things alone as a shameful thing, or
atleast odd.

I'm sometimes self-conscious about it too but mostly (I feel) because of other
people's views, not mine.

------
barbs
This video did the rounds a few years ago, and I think it nicely captures the
sentiment of doing things alone.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs)

------
yodsanklai
Like many others, I travel a lot by myself and I feel totally comfortable with
it. I wouldn't go as far as saying it's a better experience, but it's
certainly better than being stuck at home waiting for an hypothetic traveling
companion. And there's a sense of freedom and independence that is somewhat
rewarding.

However, I feel really awkward by myself in a bar (unless there's a show of
some sort). I really feel like a loner desperate to meet other people.
Interestingly, I have no problem if I'm waiting for someone.

------
ericdykstra
I just moved to a new city a few weeks ago and have started going to music
shows weekly. Shared experience is a great way to connect with new people, not
just enjoy something together with friends. I just met a new friend yesterday,
and have had nice conversations and interactions with a number of other people
that either turn into just a nice one-time experience or a potential
friendship.

Sporting events and music shows are, I've found over the years, great things
to go alone to. It might be a bit intimidating to start talking to a group of
people, but approaching someone who's by themselves (or even a small group)
can lead to a nice conversation or potentially something more lasting.

------
mtbcoder
"We end up staying at home instead of going out to do stuff because we're
afraid others will think they're a loser."

Perhaps a bigger contributing factor may be that many US citizens simply have
less disposable income these days. If you are living alone in a high cost of
living city (such as DC where the WP is HQ'd), you most likely have much less
money to spend on bars, restaurants and movie theaters.

Fortunately, DC has many free museums, parks, trails, etc where you often find
folks doing things in groups, pairs and alone without any stigmas or high
costs.

------
paulpauper
You look at some of the biggest success of our post-2008 economy - namely web
2.0 companies like snapchat, uber, tinder - and you see they typically involve
introverts who are getting very rich very quickly. Being alone is not just a
way to save money or find inner peace, but - in the Silicon Valley at least -
a possible pathway to riches and fame.

------
charlieflowers
David Burns made this point quite clearly in the self-help book "Intimate
Connections", which came out in _1985_. Still, I guess it's good to see the
message get out.

------
lifeisstillgood
From a man who knew how to sit in a cafe alone

Hell is other people

------
ams6110
Some people just prefer to be alone.

------
nyc_cyn
I think "rolling solo" as a guy doing cold approach pickup is one of the most
badass learning experiences you can have.

It has taught me so much about how to fearlessly socialize with strangers in a
completely non-needy (not to mention non-creepy) way. Also, all of the
bullsh*t that you have to deal with just in terms of getting into good clubs
(at least in NYC, where you have to promote girls into the door just to get
in) makes normal work challenges seem trivial.

It is not for the faint of heart, but in case anyone is wondering it will pay
DIVIDENDS in terms of life skills (and the short-term "benefits" can also be
good :).

~~~
nyc_turnip
Agreed. I'm also in nyc doing the same thing you are. Always interested in
meeting other people in nyc doing the same. Let me know if you ever want to
meet up.

~~~
maaku
wtf was this exchange?

~~~
frankzinger
Obviously you are not familiar with the PUA
([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pickup_artist](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pickup_artist))
community. Not that I am, but I've seen enough of it to not find this exchange
out of the ordinary in the least.

~~~
maaku
Oh I'm aware of that disgusting and misogynistic community. I think the irony
of those comments in context might have been lost on you though.

------
Quizz
Researchers have nothing better to do than explore the harmless neuroses of
the middle class?

~~~
black_knight
Oh, this research is very much in the interest of the businesses — because
staying at home also means spending less money. The idea is that if the taboo
around "having fun" — aka spending money — alone is broken, then well… profit!
This article of course contributes to these interests.

Personally I think time spent at home is can be as good as time spent out side
of home. The article in question does not do any comparative study — it is
just assumed that staying at home means not having fun.

~~~
barce
Ya, I agree with you. I have to call bullshit on the part that says, "In the
fifth, Ratner and Hamilton put the preferences to the test by gauging whether
people actually enjoyed visiting an art gallery more when they were in the
company of others, compared to when they were alone."

I used to have a museum membership so I could go everyday for free if I wanted
to. I often went every other day just to get coffee, or to use the free wifi
for work. It was subjectively a very different experience than being with
someone.

I am pretty sure if you measured something like endorphins or blood pressure,
you'd see there was more enjoyment with someone than without. There are tons
of studies that already do this, e.g. the ones written up by UCSF profs in "A
General Theory of Love."

