

Why I Tell Everyone My Age - ckdarby
https://medium.com/@ckdarby/why-i-tell-everyone-my-age-f41767ce630e

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wtbob
> You Control Exactly How To Be Perceived

I think that this is exactly what it all boils down to. There are two types of
people in the world: victims and doers. Victims see themselves as the object
of every sentence: everything happens _to_ them. They tend to see conspiracies
as explanations for bad things ('everyone thinks that I'm too young!') in
their lives.

Doers see themselves as the subject of every sentence: they _do_ everything.
The tend to see themselves as the explanation for the good and bad in their
lives.

Incidentally, the above doesn't mean that the victims are wrong and the doers
are right: it's entirely possible that one's misfortunes _are_ the result of
others' actions, and it's entirely possible that one's belief of empowerment
is a delusion.

But here's why it's better to be a doer than a victim, even if you're wrong:
because the only person whose actions you can truly control are your own. If
you want to be seen as young-and-daring, then _be young and daring_. If you
want to be seen as wise and thoughtful, then _be wise and thoughtful_. If you
want to do something and ought to do it, then _do it_.

A victim wails on about how others ought to see him one way or another, about
how he ought to be allowed or enabled to do something. A doer decides what he
wants, and achieves it.

Which would you rather be? Which would you rather work with? Which would you
rather the world be full of?

~~~
lgas
In psychology the term for what you are describing is "locus of control" \--
your "doers" have an internal locus of control, and your "victims" have an
external locus of control.

There is evidence that having an internal locus of control correlates
positively with increased happiness, success, etc.

See [http://rationality.org/2015/03/22/taking-control-of-your-
hap...](http://rationality.org/2015/03/22/taking-control-of-your-happiness-
and-productivity/) and
[http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/lzy/against_the_interna...](http://lesswrong.com/r/discussion/lw/lzy/against_the_internal_locus_of_control/)
for further discussion of the topic.

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dcole2929
I don't disagree with anything the author writes in this article but I still
think he's missing the point. When you're male and in tech of course you can
shape how people perceive your age. You can do that as a male even outside of
tech but that is not what the original article is talking about. This author
is using an apples to apples comparison when in this case it's really more
apples to oranges. The author of the original piece repeatedly and
consistently reinforces the point that she's speaking of an issue that affects
woman. Again she's also not in tech proper. As usual things work very
differently in tech than they do elsewhere in Corporate America. Youth is seen
as advantage in tech and that's not the case in a lot of industries.

~~~
ckdarby
The author in the original piece starts off pointing out the new era of age
discrimination, then starts to add 'women' through her statement and at no
point states the issue is age discrimination only for women in a specific
industry.

The original piece also has broad statements such as, "Every woman".

It is nearly impossible to write a response post with a perfect comparison
when someone structures their post without a clear message.

~~~
dcole2929
Agreed with your last point. However her language very clearly indicates she
is speaking about an issue woman face. She almost exclusively uses female
pronouns and variations of woman and female.

She doesn't speak to industry at all, I just noticed that all of her examples
are non tech related while as the author of the response piece specifically
uses his own personal example as a startup founder. Which to me makes it seem
like we are not dealing with like things. Male Vs Female. Tech vs Corporate
America

------
serve_yay
A good piece, I think. The author is entirely correct that perceptions can be
managed in one's favor. Simply withholding your age isn't going to do much
anyway - if you seem confident people will guess older, if you seem more
flighty or whatever they'll guess younger.

