

How to gain respect through body language - viniosity
http://www.evenhappier.com/selfimprovement/how_to_command_respect.html

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TrevorJ
One way to naturally start doing more of these things is to pretend you are an
actor playing an older, successful, energetic more confident version of
yourself. Not perfect, but it can be a bit more natural then trying to
remember all the little tips about sitting up straight, etc.

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tdavis
Another way to be "even happier" is to learn these and other cues so that you
can notice them when other people do them. Most of this stuff is involuntary,
especially things like head tilting.

Also, if this stuff interests you, learn about split-second involuntary
physical responses. Everybody does them and nobody controls them. Noticing
these has gotten me out of trouble more than a few times.

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gommm
Any good books or resources you recommend on that?

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tdavis
Not particularly, though perhaps the technical term (which escaped me during
the authoring of that comment) may help you: I was referring to
_Microexpressions_.

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seshagiric
Great article. One of the things to remember is that most of the times 70% of
the communication actually happens through body language. Perhaps not so much
when you are sitting at a desk and talking face to face but definitely in the
case where other perceive your capabilities/ mentality. For example general
behavior while in office.

Sometimes when I look at the managers/ leaders in my organization and am
thinking how they rose up to that level, one of the things I observe is the
behavioral part like described in the article.

"Emotional Intelligence" is a good book on the subject.

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sketerpot
> Great article. One of the things to remember is that most of the times 70%
> of the communication actually happens through body language.

Come on, that figure is obviously made up. How would you even measure that? I
hear this all the time, usually when it couldn't possibly apply, and it grates
on me.

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asdlfj2sd33
If your goal is to appear calm and in control, good luck doing that by
following this huge check list.

Alternatively you can try to actually relax and feel comfortable in your own
skin.

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ahoyhere
When I gave a talk as a "Role Model" for 3 classes of 12yo girls at a careers-
in-tech camp, my final advice boiled down to - if boys get more opportunities,
it's because they act like they deserve them. Stand up straight, look people
in the eye, act confident, and trust that even if you don't know, you can find
out.

This advice is probably millenia old. Still good.

If you want to learn more, you might want to start with something like How to
Win Friends & Influence People. It's old and cheesy but 100% accurate
nonetheless (good history lesson too). It's _always_ about the other person's
experience, and not about you.

A great modern book is "The Hard Truth about Soft Skills."

There are several books on body language itself, but they typically don't have
more information than the OP article, and then are filled with excessively
speculative/suspiciously detailed interpretations of other things.

Perhaps the most important thing for hacker-types to learn is that your body
language, attitude, behavior isn't about other people judging _you_ \- but
_you_ showing how you judge _them_ by the effort you put into your appearance
and attitude for them. You put effort into it == you respect them. It's just
that simple.

The second most important thing to know is that there is no true way to detect
if somebody is lying or insincere, and lots of those body language books argue
that there is. Gut instincts are real, and when people lie they often believe
what they are saying anyway, so you gotta listen to your gut and not try to
analyze if their eyes looked up and to the left or their eyebrows quirked, or
if they covered their mouth with their hand. While you're trying to micro-
analyze this crap, you won't be paying attention.

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tempest67
True and good advice for girls! This revelation came to me over a decade ago,
as I recall, when my male roommate bought a modem, and was about to install it
in his room. I (female) asked if he could show me how to do it, since I had no
idea how to install a modem. He said sure, he knew all about it, he would show
me. As he was installing it, it became clear (as he was trying to figure out
what the lights on the front meant) that I actually knew more about modems
than he did -- but he, full of confidence, was certain he could figure it out,
while I didn't trust myself at all.

I've thought about that story many times in the past decade -- to remind
myself that half of the game is trusting myself, and having confidence;
something that seems to come less naturally to many women than to most guys,
for whatever reason.

