
Ask HN: Books/Resources to read for parents to be - gls2ro
What are some recommended books or resources to read for parents?<p>I would like to know also why are you recommending a specific book (or what can I learn from it)?
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johnnycarcin
I don't have a specific book but instead I have the advice I was given three
years ago before our first kid was born: "Pick a book both of you connect with
and ignore the others". Up until that time my wife and I would look at any
book with the word "baby" in it, read a few pages and assume it was THE book.
The problem was that we typically never agreed on one which led to conflict
which is something you don't want, you have enough stress already.

Looking back though we didn't really gain anything from books, it really was
all on the job training. It's scary as shit and you'll reach limits of stress
you never knew existed but even with all of that it is still awesome.

With a newborn the routine is pretty basic: eat, poop, sleep. If you are
having issues ask your pediatrician. If your child is unhappy think about why
that might be. Things are very simple in their world so don't over complicate
things and think as if they were an adult (we were guilty of that).

Good luck and enjoy the snuggles while you can!

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jwdunne
Best way is to wait and see what circumstances bring. It is an experience that
makes your strengths and weaknesses clear as day.

The big one is sleep. A book on sleeping routines usually always help
everyone. The contented baby handbook is a good one.

The problem with reading books before hand is that a lot preach to an
unrealistic ideal. You will find what works best for you, your partner and
baby afterwards. It's the only way.

~~~
jon-wood
I'd second this, reading books on raising children I found made me feel a bit
of a failure until I got over the fact every child is different. In our case
the particular thing that really got to me was that I was all ready for baby
led weaning, with our son eating proper food as he felt, but he was completely
uninterested in food. Years later we've finally got to the bottom of it and
found he has food allergies which put him off trying new foods because so many
gave him horrible stomach pain.

Having now accepted that I also accept that I'm not in fact a failure of a
parent if all he wants to eat today is chicken nuggets and chips, and that
we're making progress in helping him to try new things.

Don't subject yourself to ridiculous expectations, learn the basics, and then
take solace that at least for the first few months if everyone is fed, clean,
and clothed then you're winning.

~~~
romuloab42
That's completely true. I think the most revealing thing about being a first-
time parent, is that all children are different. The art of being a parent is
to learn from your child, and to adapt accordingly. It is also worth
mentioning that each kid learn in its own pace, so don't sweat if he/she
isn't, say, walking within one year, or speaking phrases with 2.

~~~
jwdunne
Of course, we say don't sweat it. Most likely will. I did the second time: "oh
god, Lilly seems well behind Maggie" to now: "wow Lilly is a touch ahead of
Maggie now".

The other thing you will sweat is the newborn stage. You will try your hardest
to get them to sleep only to panic because they are quiet, waking them up in
your efforts to make sure.

One thing I do know: I changed the day my first child was born. What used to
matter to me, things at work that bothered me, do not matter as much anymore.
How can it? The most precious and beautiful thing is your child and all the
damn hair they make you tear out!

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raleighm
Scientific Secrets for Raising Kids Who Thrive
[http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/Scientific-
Secret...](http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Development/Scientific-Secrets-for-
Raising-Kids-Who-Thrive-Audiobook/B00IB17JCC)

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dpeck
Every kid is different, but we had lots of success with the calming techniques
from Happiest Baby on the Block.

At end of the day its simple stuff, but during those first few months when
you're in survival mode simple is what you need. Would highly recommend
grabbing the DVD and going through it a couple of times before your little one
comes.

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raleighm
Home Game by Michael Lewis
[https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00261OOWQ/ref=tmm_kin_title_...](https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00261OOWQ/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=)

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raleighm
Father's Almanac [https://www.amazon.com/Fathers-Almanac-S-Adams-
Sullivan/dp/0...](https://www.amazon.com/Fathers-Almanac-S-Adams-
Sullivan/dp/0385426259)

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brudgers
For fathers, Cormac McCarthy's _The Road_.

