
Ask HN: Fear? - emcf
I am suffering from a very weird fear. I fear that if I do x thing, then other person will gain the benefits of my hard work. I want to hide everything from others, be it learning new stuff, or starting a new task. It is badly spoiling my life.<p>I want to overcome this fear.<p>Help me how I can overcome it?
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andreasgonewild
Just do it.

The more you give, the more you get; might not be awesome profits, might be
even better. The secret with giving is to not expect anything in return, the
very definition of Karma Yoga; real Yogis practice that all the time.

There's nothing wrong with you, we're being carefully programmed to reason
just like this; to mistrust and compete with everyone but our fabulous
authorities. Cut down on the mainstream media and social networking if you
want the power over your mind back.

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mattbgates
I used to have this fear too, of telling my friends what I was working on,
especially my programmer friends, before I realized there are two types of
scenarios:

1\. A person is that headstrong and passionate about your project and will
steal it. They steal your idea and become successful.

2\. The person says, "Oh that sounds awesome. Good luck with that." Then they
move on with their life and I move on with mine.

In most cases, #2 is more likely and logical, isn't it? How many people have
you heard of doing #1? The only time #1 _may_ occur is when you've already
established the business and your business partner breaks away and enhances
upon your idea.

I don't mind telling people about my ideas or brainstorming because its most
likely: I know what I want it to be like, they don't.. they just have a vague
idea. They are probably not as passionate about you as your own projects.

Thus: Get to it. Don't let that hold you back. In fact, embrace the times
where people actually listen to your idea and give you feedback on it. It
really does help.

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tpae
Let it go.

I stopped caring about what other people will think/feel/benefit, it has
nothing to do with me.

If you love what you do, then f __* them. Just do it.

This is for you: [http://zenpencils.com/comic/140-invictus-a-comic-tribute-
to-...](http://zenpencils.com/comic/140-invictus-a-comic-tribute-to-nelson-
mandela/)

------
codegeek
I wouldn't call this fear. It is more of an insecurity. You seem to lack
confidence in yourself. Hence you think that others will gain more from you
than you gaining from your hard work.

Think of this as knowledge. The more you share, the better you become
yourself. Same with doing x. The more you do, the better you get at it even if
it helps others. In fact, if it helps others, even better for you. Most people
are not looking to "gain" anything from you or take advantage of you.

Also look at the alternative. If you never do anything because you think
someone else will benefit more, you will never do anything for yourself. You
are the loser at the end because that imaginary person who MAY benefit more
probably does not even exist. I would say most likely they don't exist.

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navalsaini
My first startup was in Arts space. I used to do Art exhibitions along
staircases, where people in companies would walk up the stairs and see photo-
journalism stories (instead of taking lifts). I did a few good exhibitions and
later closed the startup because of financial reasons.

I was a bit scared that someone established in Arts industry, would take up my
idea and because they had more networks and artists, would do a better than me
locally and then more people would steal it in different cities.

I tried to go open source later and literally tried that an art gallery or a
photographer steals my idea and does staircase exhibitions. I tried to pitch
it to people from different countries, they all loved it, said would try it,
but never did. I sent them elaborate checklists on how to execute and pitch
these exhibitions.

Nobody steals your idea - unless they see that you are making money doing it
already. At which point, your idea is no longer a secret.

Since then, I have shared my ideas for months before working on them and
received valuable feedback to refine them or weed bad ones out. I have even
shared ideas that I thought were patentable - that made me uncomfortable, but
no one ever stole them either.

Interestingly, at times I have thought of stealing someone ideas (we were co-
founding and I felt cheated). I tried, but could not steal the idea either -
though I was the developer. I guess, it is a lot of work to steal an idea.

And my latest startup idea is a game -
[https://halfchess.com](https://halfchess.com) . I shared it for a few months
before starting to build it.

It can still make me uncomfortable to share an idea at times. So I stopped
sharing ideas with people who make me feel uncomfortable or don't have a
constructive feedback.

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rwieruch
You should read "Give and Take" by Adam Grant. It clearly shows all the
benefits of being a Giver rather than a Taker. I've written down my learnings
[0], since I really enjoyed reading it.

\- [0] [https://www.robinwieruch.de/lessons-learned-give-and-
take/](https://www.robinwieruch.de/lessons-learned-give-and-take/)

~~~
assafmo
This is great!

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breck
99.99999% of the things you enjoy in life will be from the benefits of others'
hard work. The rest is your contribution. Your contribution will make almost
no difference to the lives of others, even if you are Steve Jobs. The math
just doesn't favor individual contributions a whole lot. Don't worry about it.

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ebcode
You need to think it through. Imagine the worst case scenario, that you do all
the hard work, and then someone really does come along and gain all the
benefits. Then what happens? You will still get the experience from doing the
hard work, if not the money or recognition. The only thing that matters when
it comes to getting things done is experience. Fame and fortune come later, if
at all. Eventually, with enough experience, you will be so good that it will
be impossible for anyone else to take credit for your work, even if that isn't
true now. Have faith in yourself and your future.

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kleer001
Realize your value is not in what you do, but how you're able to do it, that
you're able to repeatedly do it over and over again with high quality.

Also nothing really matter on its own, it's up to each of us to make our own
meaning. So, if you're really set on these fears they'll be real. If you focus
on a different strategy that will be your reality.

You want a non zero sum game perspective.

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DanBC
Mind over Mood: [https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-
Changing/dp/0...](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-
Changing/dp/0898621283/)

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mtmail
The reasons for this may be in your past and discussion those online with
strangers might be uncomfortable. Better if you talk in person to a
psychiatrist.

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bookmarkacc
If you are scared of technical projects being stolen document all your
learnings and store code on git.

Everything is timestanped and proved you were there first maybe?

~~~
jasonincanada
I've thought about this, are patent offices even needed anymore? We used to
need the centralized store of timestamps--proof of who thought of what idea
first. Since you can check your idea into github these days, and show later
you were indeed the first person to your idea, do we still need a central
office for this?

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EliRivers
Give other people the benefits of your hard work.

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deepaksurti
How about contributing to OSS, in case you are a software engineer, to
overcome this fear/insecurity?

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a3n
You might get valuable feedback if you reveal your work. You won't if you
don't.

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ddorian43
Goto doctor/psychotherapy ?

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LifeQuestioner
Practice generosity. Giving with no thought of getting back.

