
Epitaph for an Entrepreneur - Balancing Family and Work - pchristensen
http://steveblank.com/2009/06/18/epitaph-for-an-entrepreneur/
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sanj
My seven year old has watched me slog through many pieces of a startup. What's
fun is how much kids listen, even when they don't seem to. I remember when he
stopped in the middle of dinner and said "Daddy, what's 'google'?"

And my favorite story is when he stopped me as I was carrying him to bed,
looked me straight in the eye and asked, completely seriously:

"Daddy, how does LuckyCal make money?"

If you haven't already done so, I recommend refining your revenue plan to the
point where you can explain to a savvy seven year old.

~~~
prodigal_erik
That one's straight out of the Evil Overlord List: "One of my advisors will be
an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot
will be corrected before implementation."

~~~
pchristensen
<http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html>

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bad_user
Having a life/work balance and setting your priorities, these are things we
should do, regardless if we are doing entrepreneurship or not. I know people
that have exhausted themselves working in big companies.

My wife works at a kindergarten and we talk about her daily activity quite
often. As I found out, the kids almost always mirror the behavior of their
parents. The kids that are destructive or anti-social are those with divorced,
violent or workaholic parents. The normal kids (the ones that play with
others, that are happy, that have respect for the teachers and that learn
faster) are those that come from a healthy environment, and those kids are few
and far between.

My father was also a workaholic, and one day he noticed that I grew up. Let's
just say that the time lost is lost forever. I hope I won't do that with my
future kids.

So yeah, don't let your kids be raised by other people. Don't just drop them
off in front of the TV. They will hate you for it.

~~~
sanj
I agree with most of your statement, but it _is_ possible to raise a healthy,
happy, kind child after a divorce. I'm doing it right now, albeit with the
help of both his Mom and my wife.

Divorce doesn't have to destroy your ability to raise kids well, and I don't
believe it should be used as an excuse. It's a little harder, but it's damn
sight easier than raising them in many parts of the world.

~~~
jimbokun
Maybe a correlation/causation thing. Personality issues that make people bad
at marriage could also make them bad at child-rearing, statistically speaking.
Does not mean it is impossible to do a good job as a divorced parent, but does
add a degree of difficulty and some, at least, should examine whether the
underlying issues that caused the marriage to fail can also impact
relationships with the children. Workaholism, abusive tendencies, lack of
empathy and other traits could cause trouble for both kinds of relationship.

This is all in the abstract, of course, and I am implying nothing at all about
your specific situation.

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davidw
Nice one because it has actual, real, practical advice, not just platitudes,
as many of these types of posts do.

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davi
_when you’re gone would you rather have your gravestone say, “He never missed
a meeting.” Or one that said, “He was a great father.”_

A lot of good stuff in this article, but what a weak ending! "He never missed
a meeting" is a straw man, here. Tougher would be to have to choose between:
"He was a great father," or, "He changed the world/discovered something
great/made something that millions want."

~~~
run4yourlives
Personally, I'd still pick "He was a great father".

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jimbokun
I just happened to watch "Pursuit of Happyness" last week, and if you want
inspiration for attaining work/life balance, that story provides plenty.
According to Wikipedia, most of the events happened in one form or another.
And some of the techniques he used to get more work done in fewer hours than
his younger, single fellow interns was pretty impressive. All while picking
his son up from day care then standing in line to get a spot in a shelter
every night.

If you ever think your situation is too tough to continue or that you can't
make time for both your kids and your profession, this movie is a pretty good
rejoinder.

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stuff4ben
That's some pretty good advice from someone who's been there, done that. I'm
in a similar predicament of trying to balance raising twins with my wife,
working a fulltime job during the day and starting a company in the free time
I have between 8pm and 1am at night. It's not easy and I find it's extremely
hard to focus when all you want to do is veg on the recliner, watch some TV.

~~~
edw519
"...all you want to do is veg on the recliner, watch some TV..."

Very common problem. My solution is to have a dedicated room with a door and
no TV, internet, recliner, bed, or sofa inside.

"I can resist everything but temptation." - Oscar Wilde

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steveblgh
Another aspect often overlooked is how great help grandparents can be. Even
though nowadays that is often seen as a big no-no, in some cultures, and if
they are willing to help, they can make young parents' life much easier.

~~~
newsio
My parents live in the same town as we do. I can't imagine what it would be
like not having them nearby.

Yeah, there are some drawbacks. They are far more permissive than we are, and
my 7-year-old takes full advantage of that. But they give support and love and
interaction that we sometimes don't have time for.

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webwright
I see a lot of the "work smarter, not harder" mantra... All the way to the
37Signals extreme of "a 4-day work week is just as good. Scarcity forces smart
time management"... And, of course, to the ppl who take the 4-Hour Workweek
literally (it's not about 4 hours-- it's about working smarter with the time
that you dedicate!).

They just aren't mutually exclusive. You can work smarter AND harder and (if
you can avoid burnout using whatever strategy works for YOU) that will result
in more productivity than just one or the other. If we both work equally smart
and I work an extra day a week, I'll have a better shot at success. If we both
succeed, I'll probably succeed more.

I'm not saying that trading merely moderate success (or having a lower shot at
it) isn't worth trading away for a more leisurely lifestyle. I'm just saying
it's absolute bullshit to say, "If you work a lot of hours, you are probably
working inefficiently."

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felideon
_I would work 10 hours a day in the office, come home and then… Back to work
after the kids were in bed_

So, at what time did he spend time with his wife other than the weekends? I
know spending time with the kids is very important, but it's also important to
spend time with the wife.[1]

I'm actually struggling with this, not because I'm in a startup but because I
have very little time outside of my day job to do anything on the side[2],
since I have to tend to my wife and baby. But I can imagine that in a startup
it would be the same or worse, since it would still be tough to be working so
many hours.

[1] I'd dare to say it's even more important to spend time with one's wife. A
house where the parents are distanced or not in a healthy relationship is not
really good for the kids either.

[2] Although, little by little I'll be able to get something out there.

~~~
prodigal_erik
Yeah, I have faint hope he simply chose to say almost nothing about tending to
the more complicated relationship with his wife. He sure sounds unconcerned
about it, like so many parents in the thrall of remorseless evolutionary
psychology.

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edw519
"Thanks to my wife for being a great partner. It takes two."

We hear this over and over, but it can't be emphasized enough. It's almost
binary: great partner and you have a chance, otherwise, don't even bother;
you'll be fighting battles on too many fronts. A start-up is tough enough.

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mbrubeck
As a startup employee and father, I've tried to set a very similar set of
rules and traditions for myself. It's worked fabulously so far.

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Mistone
very timely advice and perspective with fathers day around the corner. two
things that really resonate with me (father of two young kids 2 1/2 and 7
months) is the dedicated time between when you get home and when they go to
bed. its magical and puts the entire day in perspective when your able to get
a few hours to play and read stories to them. The one to one time with
wife/spouse is so valuable as well, in all scenarios its becomes very easy to
skip that with all the hecticness of raising kids and you running the company.

love the quote about so many SV companies have great bring your pet policies
and not bring your kids, so true and weird.

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rjurney
Timely article. My wife went with me on a trip to 'Silicon Valley' and as a
result - she now has a much deeper understanding of me. I think we're going to
be able to arrive at a more reasonable give-and-take now.

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kailashbadu
My wife wants me to have a fixed time for starting and finishing work every
day. The trouble is that I don’t have a set time for leaving the work desk.
Nor is there much distinction between weekdays and weekends.

~~~
sanj
It sounds like you've already made your choice.

From the article: "Regardless of what I was doing I had to be home by 7pm."

~~~
Mistone
7pm is a good time, set a limit on the day and you get more done, then hit the
all important hustle hours of 9-1am hard and your overall productivity will
soar in relation to simply staying at work till all ours of the night.

~~~
TheSOB88
9-1am?? When do you _sleep_?

~~~
papa
This sounds like my schedule. After the kids are asleep, I usually do the same
(though it's more like 10pm-1am).

As for sleep. I get about 5-6 hours. I wake up at 7am, at the latest, on
weekdays to get the kids to school. On weekends I'll get more sleep (like
midnight to 8 am).

It works for me.

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herdrick
Cush. I know plenty of people working even at big companies who can't spend
that much time with their kids and spouse. How did he do it as a founder?

~~~
Mistone
my guess: he was the boss, made it important and just did it. I think its
often the mid level managers / engineers at big companies that are pushed and
push themselves to work crazy long, life impacting hours.

