

SF Weekly: Girl Game - zain
http://www.sfweekly.com/2010-03-03/news/girl-game/

======
Semiapies
_"We don't even know what it is," Valencia said of some men she has
encountered around the city. "Is it gay? Is it straight? Is it a friend? Is it
a foe? Is it looking for a job? Is it looking for a place to crash?"_

Maybe stop referring to guys as "its"? I'd certainly find that disturbing in a
man talking about women.

Personally, I'm amused at the assumptions. Men who can't find a partner are
somewhat pathetic, but if women can't find a partner of sufficient quality,
something's just wrong with the _city_.

------
roedog
I find it interesting that the women never discuss the high concentration of
single men nearby -- yet outside of -- San Francisco, on the Peninsula and
South Bay. Why is that?

Back in the early 00's when I lived on the Peninsula and went up to S.F. to
try to meet women, I had no luck. They lost all interest after I would admit
to living in Mountain View. Many of my friends from the south bay found the
same attitude. So, I don't think it was just me.

~~~
_delirium
I think that's a typical urban dweller looking down at the suburbs sort of
thing, not necessarily specific to dating. You'd find the same thing from
Manhattanites who find out you live in Queens or (god forbid) Long Island.

------
pyre
> _"There's no pressure to grow up here," she says. "The way I act now is
> pretty much the same way I acted when I was 24. It's culturally reinforced
> here. Nobody cares that you're in your late 30s and have roommates."_

Isn't the idea that being 'grown up' means "owning a house in the suburbs"
part of what fueled the recent real estate bubble? Shouldn't we disenfranchise
ourselves of the notion that you're not a 'grown up' until you have the
responsibility of paying a mortgage?

~~~
_delirium
You can have your own place without roommates without moving to the suburbs,
can't you? Say, by getting your own apartment?

~~~
Mz
San Francisco has insane prices. IIRC, when I was in the bay area, for
$1000/mo, you could only get a room at an SRO in SF.

------
zck
>One possible explanation is that in San Francisco, men who aren't gay,
married, or damaged by a previous _owner_ are decidedly cagey when it comes to
dating and relationships.

Wow...that's over the top. "Owner"? It's not even a quote from an interviewee
-- it's directly in the article.

------
geuis
I've been in SF for 3 years. Dating (for a straight, successful, 30 year old
normal single male) is nearly impossible. I've done the online thing, striking
up conversations at bars, walking my friend's dog through Dolores park, etc.
Even did Date & Dash once. I ended up meeting a cute Chinese girl, and we
dated for about 2 months. However, it was _really_ obvious that she was
looking for a green card ("I want a baby!" in bed one night, and a very
uncomfortable dinner with her uncle another night.) I definitely want to get
married sooner rather than later and have a family, but 2 months is a _little_
quick.

Its basically worse than hit or miss. I've had more "success" giving a cute
girl a cigarette at the bus stop. At least that has led to an ongoing
friendship, and in another instance having a good accountant. The last woman
that I met of any reasonable quality was when I was having a couple of drinks
with my gay roommate at a bar in the Castro. She was out with some of her
friends, we got to talking, exchanged numbers etc. Went out on a few dates,
then she flaked on me with no explanation.

Yeah, SF is a f*cked up place to try and meet anyone.

~~~
_delirium
Reminds me of <http://whytherearenogirls.blogspot.com/>

(Which, it seems, also noticed this same SF Weekly story.)

------
pgbovine
this isn't intended to sound snarky ... but this article seems pretty long,
and just by reading the first few paragraphs, i don't see the relevance to HN.
could somebody who's read more of it post a summary for why it's HN relevant?
i think that might encourage others to actually read it.

~~~
zaidf
I agree. There is questionable relavance in this article(I say this even
though I am good friends with one of the coaches in the article).

If it helps, when I first ran into my friend couple years ago, he was very
average with women. It took couple years and 1000s of hours and lots of ego
hits to get to where he is at now.

The subject in itself can be super hackerish but I wouldn't say this article
is the best for geeking out on the nuances of dating!

------
kilian
If anything, it's worth reading for the cute ending.

~~~
potatolicious
I think the ending is kind of insightful, and somewhat vindicating for me (or
just wishful thinking on my part). All of my dating experience has been within
my friends pool (this includes random people I meet through friends, at
parties, etc)... and I can't imagine doing it any other way. I can't imagine
_selecting_ someone simply based on their looks and asking them out knowing
little to nothing about them, and I find that meeting people via common
interests and networks is pretty awesome.

It's kind of vindicating that the only woman in the story who was successful
at her task was the one who actually shared something in common with the guy,
took the time to connect on that commonality, instead of merely picking out
the hottest people in a crowd and trying to woo them.

