
Keep calm & carry on: What you didn't know about the reddit story - mrduncan
http://alexisohanian.com/keep-calm-carry-on-what-you-didnt-know-about
======
chime
Alexis you bastard, making me cry at work!

That was a beautiful post and really hit home in a weird day. Both my parents
are getting old enough for me to worry about their health and I feel like I
still haven't accomplished anything worthwhile. Sure I have a house/car/career
etc. but just for once, I want to make them proud by doing something big. I've
had about 3 hours of my 15-minutes of fame but nothing solid to rely on, like
a stable startup or research career. The weird part is I feel a large part of
my motivation comes from my desire to prove to them that they raised a good
kid. I can't even imagine pushing myself to accomplish something if they
aren't there to witness it. I just lost my grandpa last month and my dad
expressed a very similar sentiment about him always trying to be the best son
to his dad.

Thanks Alexis for sharing this. You're a good man.

~~~
rbanffy
> Alexis you bastard, making me cry at work!

Seconded. And also thanks for sharing.

~~~
kn0thing
That's what you guys get for chopping onions at work.

~~~
mathewi
Alexis, this was an incredible post -- tremendously moving. You deserve some
big props for sticking it through all that and achieving what you did. My
mother had an aneurysm just as I was making a big move at work, and that kind
of thing really puts things in perspective -- as your post did. Bravo.

------
edw519
After focusing so much on the ones and zeroes, posts like this snap us back to
all that really matters: other people.

In the past year, I have made dramatic changes in my life, both personal and
business, for one reason: so that I can spend time with my mother who is
suffering from severe dementia. We watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune every
night together. I yell out all the answers and she laughs, not caring whether
they're right or wrong.

Before she started slipping away last year, she told me 2 things:

"From the moment I first saw you, I knew I would love you unconditionally
forever."

and

"I'm so proud of you."

Everything else from this point forward is gravy.

Thank you, Alexis.

~~~
DennisP
Wow...I watched the same two shows with my mom. She spent much of her last
year in the hospital. Except for an ice storm and one or two other days, every
evening she was there, so was I.

I can tell you from experience that after she's gone, you will be very, very
glad that you took the time.

------
mbateman
Amazing. The moral of the story is that having an exceptionally independent,
driving job like a startup actually makes you _better_ at weathering crises.

Pretty counter-intuitive. One would think that having more stability and
security in the background would free up one's mind to be able to help and
cope and the like. But it makes a lot of sense that the opposite is true. Even
in the midst of crises, you don't want your life to be entirely about crisis
management. A large dose of of independence and drive helps a lot with that.
Being able to travel and still work helps. Feeling like you're still doing
something that matters to you helps even more.

~~~
bobf
Tangentially, this also seems to illustrate why Alexis/reddit have been
successful -- perseverance and flexibility are crucial to startups!

~~~
mbateman
Yes, from the article:

"If you've worked with the spineless, you know how frustrating it can be to
deal with their poisonous helplessness -- something that's only heightened in
a startup where the most important thing you can do is not give up. And you'd
better fucking believe that when you come home to a mother battling brain
cancer and a father spending every waking hour taking care of her and running
his own business, you don't complain, you don't cower, and you most certainly
don't quit."

~~~
randallsquared
Yeah, I found it jarring that he took time out here to call someone he was
working with at the time spineless.

~~~
abstractbill
I thought Alexis hit the nail squarely on the head with that paragraph
actually. Helplessness really _is_ poisonous.

~~~
warp
I'm currently in a situation where I have such a person close to me. It was
very helpful to have that pointed out again.

I've managed to work 2 hours on my startup idea this evening. Whereas I
otherwise probably would've given in to the demons ("it's 20:40 already.. too
late to get anything useful done, I'll just play some videogames the rest of
the evening").

------
moultano
My dad died of Glioblastoma when I was a teenager. He first noticed it as a
sudden worsening of vision, followed by a breakdown of spatial relationships.
My mom's boyfriend's best friend died of it too.

It's a horrible disease and the worst part about it is that it always comes
back. Surgery and treatment might buy you 5 good years if you catch it early
and it isn't as malignant. But it will always come back and kill you.

If anyone has any illusions that human personalities are made of more than the
meat in our heads, watching someone die of a brain tumor will disabuse you of
them. Bits of them disappear, and the remaining bits misfire and
overcompensate for the bits that aren't there.

For anyone reading this, if your vision suddenly gets worse, don't just get
new glasses. Go see a doctor. Most of our brain is devoted to visual
processing, and if something isn't right it usually manifests there first.

~~~
gaustin
Thanks for the advice. My vision suddenly dropped out about two weeks ago.
Hopefully I'll have health insurance in the next month and will be able to go
to the doctor.

Definitely need to get this checked out...

------
fleaflicker
I've never met Alexis in person but I E-mailed him for startup advice several
times over the years (including the tough months that he mentions in this
post).

He always responded with a chipper E-mail and very helpful advice on
everything from accounting to licensing agreements to acquisitions.

~~~
kn0thing
Only you never listened to me when I advised you to give me 51% of the equity
in fleaf[l]icker!

But seriously, that's the magic of email, right? I'm just glad I was helpful.
I only wish I had little elves who could help me get through my email
faster...

*edited to sound less naughty auf Deutsch

~~~
rb2k_
> 51% of the equity in fleaficker

I just wanted to mention that "ficker" is the German version of the word
"fucker", so if you ever get that equity, you might want to be careful about
expansion

~~~
woodall
Another interesting German translation is "gift", which in English means
"poison".

~~~
pmjordan
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_friend>

There are links to false friend lists at the end of that page.

------
MikeCapone
My uncle, who was like a second father to me, died from a class IV
Glioblastoma multiforme a few months ago. I spent about a week in the hospital
with him and the family (we spent xmas in the hospital, actually). He was 60,
played hockey every week, super healthy, super smart, loved life.

Within two months of being diagnosed he was dead. He first had a seizure
playing hockey and evrybody thought it was a stroke or an aneurysm. A month
later he lost control over half of his body, then went in and out of coma for
the final week... I had a chance to talk to him and hold his hand, tell him
how important he was for me and all that stuff that we never tell each other.
He could understand what we said, but had a hard time communicating... And
then he was gone.

Terrible disease.

I'm getting married in 4 days, and we've decided to give money to charities
working on cancer in the name of the wedding guests. We figured it was better
than spending the money on chocolates or whatever (though we also have some of
those).

~~~
niekmaas
Your money will be appreciated. I can tell because I'm doing Glioblastoma
Multiforme research myself, so thank you.

~~~
kn0thing
Are you working with NIH by any chance? I obviously really appreciate the
research you're doing (and as far as cancers go, I know there are much more
significant ones - from a statistical pov - but your work is very much
appreciated by the Ohanian family). Any not-for-profits you'd recommend for
exceptional work? ABTA.org has been our goto thus far.

~~~
niekmaas
I'm part of a research group at UMASS that has close collaborations with MGH
and two cancer centers in The Netherlands (where I'm originally from).
Concerning the statistical significance you are right, breast tumors are
probably having an impact on more families around the world. However, we are
trying to develop strategies that work for all cancers so with a bit of luck
we will help other patients and families too.

The work we do is financed by multiple sources. I am not too familiar with
specific charity organizations since I am not from the United States. I will
ask around in the lab(s) what people believe are the best organizations to
donate to in you want to help Glioblastoma Multiforme research.

------
chriseppstein
This very much echoes my own personal experience. My father was diagnosed with
a terminal disease when I was high school. At the time he was given two years
to survive. But my father is a fighter and he found a cocktail of food
supplements that has allowed him to survive for 17 years now. After college, I
have found that startup life provided both an outlet when I needed to hide
from the world and offered the flexibility to be there for my family when that
was required -- with all the overtime I normally put in no boss I've ever had
gave me crap about taking time away or working remotely when needed.

I'm really happy to see this subject getting attention in the tech community.
Caregiving is hard and can be a huge strain on families and caregivers. That's
why I became the first employee at caring.com when the opportunity came my
way. Being able to apply my technical expertise to such a personal subject and
hopefully help make some peoples lives go a little smoother during one of the
roughest periods of their lives is immensely satisfying.

Thank you for sharing your story, Alexis.

------
ErrantX
Throws into sharp relief the regular stories we see of startups floundering
after a few weeks/months for "personal reasons".

One takeaway from this that I saw was that having awesome co-founders is a
must (as in the case of Reddit). Obviously this was a terrible time for
Alexis; but I imagine it was a bit scary for the co-founders as well - not
knowing if he would be about and in what state.

Thanks for sharing Alexis :)

------
steamboiler
My "problems" look minuscule in comparison. I am inspired to look past them
and try harder. Thanks for sharing.

~~~
kn0thing
Not knowing anything about your problems, please don't consider my one story
as a litmus test for 'life problems.' Everyone has them and mine look petty in
the light of most people's (thinking on a global scale here). Just know that
having something/someone you can invest your time & energy into can be
incredibly fulfilling (and distracting, when you need it).

------
petenixey
Alexis, I always felt that even though you weren't the coder, your personality
was critical to Reddit's success and is indelibly stamped all over the site's
comments and their sense of humour. Just as PG formed the soul of news.YC, so
you and Steve formed the soul of Reddit.

To know that you managed to imprint the humour and affection that I see there
now through all of this only makes me more impressed.

------
mattmaroon
Alexis is pretty much my hero.

~~~
SwellJoe
He's the wind beneath my wings.

~~~
thafman
He is the sunshine on my shoulders

~~~
JacobAldridge
Alexis - kn0thing compares, kn0thing compares, to you

------
bemmu
"If you happened to meet me during that time, you probably wouldn't have known
it."

Had no idea. Later when I read about this (mentioned on some earlier post too)
and the scaling issues the team was battling with at the time, I came to
appreciate getting the chance to visit Reddit even more.

------
airfoil
This story seriously choked me up. Simply incredible and highly inspirational.
Thanks for sharing.

------
mattlanger
This is a truly valuable contribution to the startup community--as inspiring
as it is devastating. We should all aspire to such courage, motivation, and
good intentions in the work we do ourselves.

------
jacquesm
Man that hurts, it reminds me of 'The Boxer' by Simon and Garfunkel. Much
respect for hanging in there, and just when I was thinking you should post a
picture of your mom you did.

Thanks.

------
krishna2
much respect. thanks for sharing.

------
sabj
This has been said before and better here and elsewhere, but thanks for
sharing your story Alexis, very inspiring and moving. Perseverance like yours
is sensational.

------
pyronicide
Alexis, thank you for sharing. It always helps to have a reminder that
focusing on taking one step at a time is the way to get through anything.

Keep calm and carry on!

~~~
kn0thing
FWIW, that slogan wasn't quite ever used (thankfully, because it was for if
the Nazis invaded Britain):
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keep_Calm_and_Carry_On>

That iconic photo of the London library after a Blitz attack was a postcard I
bought many years ago while studying abroad in the UK. I don't recall why I
bought it, but I've kept it on the wall at my desk everywhere I've gone.
There's something so wonderfully powerful about seeing these men calmly
perusing the library stacks amidst ruins from what was then a fairly routine
bombing run at a time when it was far from clear that "the good guys" would
win.

It's such a splendid 'fuck you' to the Nazis (or whomever your 'enemy' may be)
to carry on living your life just as you were planning -- or better yet,
enjoying it even more than you'd planned because it's in spite of the
circumstances.

I've never been bombed, nor will I probably ever be, so it's always pretty
easy to realize what kinda of life lottery ticket I've ended up with.

~~~
rdl
It's pretty amazing, but people do rapidly adjust to bombing or other high-
ambient-threat environments, possibly overly much so. Still obviously worth
avoiding.

------
paraschopra
Alexis is a brave person. Many people would have probably given up but it is
amazing how he kept working all along. A lot of respect for this person.

------
gms
While you visited your mum regularly, didn't you feel guilty not being in MD
with her?

~~~
gms
For the downmodders: is an honest question; I wasn't being flippant.

------
NEPatriot
Motto to run a startup by: "Keep Calm, Carry on" -Alexis Ohanian

------
malabar
Thanks for the post, you have adjusted my life course.

------
yewweitan
And you thought you wouldn't cry today.

Thanks for this one.

------
TheSOB88
I see stories on Reddit all the time that people say made them cry. I've never
been affected by them, but this one choked me up real hard.

------
gonk
Meh.

Am I the only one who wishes all this personal stuff had nothing to do with
the business?

Is it some new rule these days that startup founders have to prove they are
'real people' by sharing all the details of their lives? I mean, sure .. its
sad to have to go through all that, but that stuff is personal.

This story really has very little to do with reddit, other than to serve as a
social means of establishing 'personality' behind the scenes of the service.

Downvote me into oblivion, but I really have to say - fair enough, dude. You
had a rough time. But that is life, you know? Need the whole world know you
are suffering the normal, perfectly mundane, plain ol' human condition?

I suppose in these techno-fuelled racey days of million-dollar teenagers it
helps to have a little soap opera, to keep the balance, eh ..

~~~
kn0thing
I didn't write it for pity and I hope it didn't come across that way. I left
reddit nearly a year ago now. And I thought the one thing missing from the
multitude of 'reasons to start a startup' posts was that it could actually be
an incredibly beneficial personal decision - especially in times of dealing
with the "normal, perfectly mundane, plain ol' human condition" that affects
us all.

I also don't think I'd have done nearly as many of those alien doodles or
invested nearly as many hours as I did in reddit and the community had it not
been an outlet for everything else. In that regard, I think it has a lot to do
with reddit.

Starting a startup with Steve was one of the best decisions I could've made,
just for a very unexpected reason. I hope it convinces a few others that it's
worth taking the plunge.

~~~
gonk
I just don't see how its applicable to connect your experience with the fact
that you started reddit .. I mean, fair enough, you have a lot of Internet
celebrity credits, but you're spending them by telling the world details about
your life that have no real bearing on your profession.

The moral of the story? I guess it is that you should always try to persist in
life no matter what gets thrown at you. I just found myself realizing, in the
middle of your post, that I was spending my life reading about someone I don't
even vaguely know, talking about how sad they were that their dog died. Is
this really what its all about?

~~~
thetrumanshow
I am just really cringing for you right now... I know you don't really mean
this, you just picked a bad article to quit reading right in the middle of
before making a comment.

Edit: per the commenter's followup, I withdraw my benefit-of-the-doubt.

