

Things I've Learned in my 20's - brenfrow
http://www.discusr.com/post/536/11-things-i-ve-learned-in-my-20-s

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selectstar
I feel this article is only going to resonate with those past this point in
life... Things I've learnt in my thirties....

1\. Learn now, making time for it later will be very difficult and require
sacrifice.

2\. Maintain informal human connections via facebook, twitter etc. It’s easy
to be smug and say I only value friends who I talk with in real life, but the
reality for the youth today is that you will be lonely and miss out on events
by being a snob. (Also, no one will email you photographs, ever.)

3\. Don't take (older) family for granted. Get your grandparents a cheap cell
and teach them how to text, they will love you for it. Get your Grandpa
playing an older version of Civ on an old laptop etc. Don’t bother with
extended family events, cousins, siblings that you don’t enjoy, spend your
time with friends instead.

4\. Find a job that you enjoy (and work won’t seem like work, some of the
time.) Also, be good at it, don’t half-ass it early on.

5\. Be more supportive to those around you, colleagues and friends alike. Have
them realise you are crutch that can be there when they need it, don’t be a
doormat.

6\. Realise how lucky you are never to have endured real hardship. (This goes
for most suburban raised/affluent human beings on earth, not the small
percentage that truly started from nothing.)

7\. Choose saving over spending outwith means. Do everything you can thrifty,
trip to Europe in your 20’s? Stay in a hostel with other fun people, business
class and that cool boutique hotel can wait. You can leverage the money into
better things later if you already have a solid amount of cash on hand. Be
that buying a home when you get the opportunity, amazing holidays with a
partner when you really need the luxury r&r, providing for your children
without any negligible detriment to your quality of life etc etc.

8\. Don’t forget things that are important. Use photographs, a diary, self
email or a text file on your desktop... Whatever works for you.

9\. Enjoy food and drink in your 20’s as later on it will be a case of
“Everything in moderation.” (I’d tag on find a sport/hobby you love and it
won’t feel like exercise in the future when your body needs it... Swimming,
walking, martial arts, anything!)

10\. People = Sh#t. This is just me as I’m quite the (cartoon) nihilist, but
please respect peoples boundaries because some people like to be left alone,
don’t encroach on others personal space.

11\. Don't Forget to Tell Your Spouse How Much You Love Them. I kind of agree,
but instead I’d say remember it’s not the end of the world if you don’t have
one and if you do, remember to work at it... Try not to be a d#ck.

~~~
mercer
> 10\. People = Sh#t. This is just me as I’m quite the (cartoon) nihilist, but
> please respect peoples boundaries because some people like to be left alone,
> don’t encroach on others personal space.

Could you expand on this? I like to think I'm good at respecting boundaries,
but at the same time I generally operate outside of what most people consider
'boundaries' precisely because my experience is that people _like_ this.

Obviously, this should be done with care, and I think I am careful, but I'd
love to hear what _you_ find typical of people crossing your boundaries.

~~~
selectstar
The idea being subjected to random people in times when we are 'alone' but in
close proximity to others, i.e. on transport, is horrifying. I think it's
contextual based on what part of the world you are from, but my take is that
if I am on this flight for 9 hours, I want to read my book or watch a movie in
peace and not have to make fast friends with you just because the seat lottery
has paired us up. I know some people love being friendly with others in such
situations, but it's not for me.

In a different scenario, a bar or a coffee shop etc, I think it's more
acceptable as you are out in public anyway and then idle chatter is always
going to be part and parcel of spending time in such places and I am generally
ok with it.

~~~
mercer
Ha, then I'm safe. I equally dislike the situations you describe, so I do not
subject others to it either.

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mercer
I would like to add the following:

1\. Most people are alright, but avoid the few who aren't like the plague.

I've always had the fortune to not lose my trust in people, but I've found
that it took me a significant time in my twenties to learn how to filter out
the bad people (perhaps because of this). Especially bad partners.

The converse can also be true. I know people who seem to have based their
entire outlook on a few shitty people in their lives (sadly, parents are often
the culprits), and miss out on connections, and opportunities, because they
assume the worst.

Finding a balance in this regard, I believe, has been one of the things that
most increased my general quality of life, and (moderate) success.

2\. Lots of people are lonely

Perhaps this mostly applicable to post-college life, but I've been shocked to
find out how many people around me feel isolated and lonely. Knowing this,
however, helped in gaining the courage to approach others, knowing that they
are just as willing to make new friends as I am.

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njbooher
Cached:
[http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://...](http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.discusr.com/post/536/11-things-
i-ve-learned-in-my-20-s&strip=1)

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dfritsch
I was really thinking this was going to be a pretty lame list (which probably
puts my in with the other people who have time suck issues). I was pleasantly
surprised though. A few good recommendations. I especially appreciate the
reminder to journal more.

~~~
mbrock
Yeah, I also found it very well-written, reasonable and honest. I'm in a kind
of impressionable phase, in a good way, where I look at things like this like
"whoa, minimize time sinks, that is a great thing, let's do that."

One thing I've started to learn in my 20's is to really enjoy myself. Seems
fairly important, don't know why I didn't think of it earlier...

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nzealand
Things I've Learned in my 30's

1\. My only true regrets are the opportunities I failed to take.

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dvt
This is a great read. I'm 27 and struggling to come to terms with many of the
issues OP listed. Being naturally introverted, socially awkward, and overly
elitist, (4), (5), (7) and (10) really struck a chord. My younger sister (at
23, she's virtually my opposite) is social, has significantly more friends
than I do, and is probably much happier; I've always been jealous.

When I was younger, I thought that my intellect would take me more places than
it actually has. I was never social (and we moved around a lot), so - even now
- I find it very hard to figure people out. It's something I try to work on
every day but it's very much a work still in progress.

~~~
mercer
Good to hear you're working on it. I can have a tendency to be elitist and see
myself as smarter or better than others. I can also get annoyed and frustrated
easily. I try to turn that 'off' as much as possible, because it doesn't work.

I would add though, that 'figuring people out' is not the most important
thing. I've wasted many hours in my twenties in attempting to do this, but
what works best, in my opinion, is to just be as transparent, direct, and
uncomplicated as possible, combined with an assumption that the other means
well, and kindness. Avoid drama.

Some of the most popular/liked people I know, interestingly, are not always
nice. More important, it seems, is that they are _consistent_. You know what
you get, and you can either take it or leave it.

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brenfrow
Wow didn't know this would bring down the site. Guess I better move away from
Chicago VPS.

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ibudiallo
I usually skip anything with this kind of title, but I am so glad to have read
it.

12\. Don't be afraid to share your thoughts with strangers.

