
The worst morale-boosting gesture I've experienced - augusto2112
https://shkspr.mobi/blog/2019/06/the-worst-morale-boosting-gesture-ive-experienced/
======
cleetus
I worked for a retail clothing company called Steve & Barry's which was very
much like The Office. One year the bonus was a novelty 5 pound Hershey
chocolate bar. I ended up with 20 pounds of chocolate because several people
in my department had no idea what to do with them. Another year they gave
Miracle on 34th Street DVDs and popcorn because earlier that year we opened a
location on 34th St in Manhattan. There were no bonuses my third year because
the company filed bankruptcy and downsized.

At company-wide meetings, stand out performers were given 'top-banana' awards,
which if I'm remembering correctly were actually bananas. I think one of my
buddies actually kept his on his desk and let it rot until some poor cleaning
person threw it away.

The company would order pizzas for lunch to encourage people not to go out,
but charged a dollar a slice. Leftover pizza was wrapped individually in
tinfoil, frozen, and available for sale the next day, still for a dollar. I
remember several rounds of company wide emails chastising people for not
paying for frozen pizza.

Shortly after that first bankruptcy filing, the company filed again and
liquidated. Steve and Barry were bought out after the first filing and will
never have to work again.

~~~
function_seven
Oh God I forgot about that place. I went there once after hearing about the
hype from a coworker ("Dude, great selection and cheap as hell!").

The place was miserable. Dirty clothing strewn all over the place. I bought a
couple shirts for like $8 each. Neither of them fit all that well. They
disintegrated after one wash. One was cut crooked.

Seems like the whole company was a thin (and I mean _thin_ ) quick fashion
veneer over sweatshop labor?

~~~
hackerbabz
Sweatshops can do a good job though. They must have have used particularly
poor workers for some reason.

~~~
datashaman
Poor workers. For some reason. ISWYDT.

------
ThinkBeat
I worked at one of those companies that earned ridiculous money refinancing
peoples homes during the run-up to the financial crisis. (Yes, I now know it
was quite unethical)

They had a boiler room team of salespeople who made an insane amount of money.
We are talking six figures a month. They were not at all highly skilled or had
any financial background or degree.

Their bonuses could be a luxury car. (or once a horse).

I worked on the IT side. We made the software that basically did all the work.
It included instructions of a spiel to sell loans, how to get around various
excuses and such. And it did all the work with filing the required paperwork
ensuring all the required information was there, sending out information to
the people who refinanced all that crap. You could, in practice, take someone
from the street, set them up with this software and they could sell loans.
(this is not as far fetched as it may sound).

I have so many stories about my time there but anyways, the IT team was not at
all highly paid, nor very appreciated. One Christmas we knew we were getting a
bonus, and given what we knew about bonuses being handed out we were kinda
excited.

Wanna guess what it was?

A $50 gift card for a ham.

~~~
WorldMaker
There's something about that particular (shady) business model of ethically
questionable work that over-values "commission activity" and under-values
technical achievement that makes it possible.

A past employer used the software we built to create a commissions lottery [1]
for a call center floor, and paid huge commissions to an "R&D team" that
"value added", but really just created idiotic Access reports from the
software's databases (sometimes bringing the Production databases to their
knees until we started forcing them to use clones and BI data lakes), but
software development was a "cost center" ineligible for commissions, despite
doing all the "real" work (including any and all efficiency gains). At one
point the executives convinced themselves despite huge turnover that they were
somehow magically hiring "better" call center staff.

I feel somewhat confident that that companies misplaced ideas of
work/efficiency/how it was profitable were directly correlated with its
misplaced sense of ethics. The "R&D team", for instance, seemed representative
of the sort of bottom feeder scum that play political games well but don't
actually have any skills of their own, and arguably at the end of the day that
was roughly what the company as a whole was, a bottom feeder parasite playing
politics well enough to make a ton of money surviving in an ethically dubious
evolutionary niche.

[1] We had proof that it was a really bad lottery, too. The software was
something like 95%+ accurate in how much money was likely associated with each
item that went out to the call center. To make things "fair" we kept getting a
lot of feedback to make it as "random" as possible.

------
arkades
I’ve got two from the hospital:

After a couple of trainees in our area committed suicide, there was a cry and
a hue about attending to trainee mental health. Our hospital took this to
heart, and decided: they’d hold a resident mental health day!

This took the form of an iced cream party for the residents. Specifically, it
meant they got some tri-flavor cartons of iced cream and stuck them in the
physicians lounge. They did not give the residents any protected time to take
a shit, much less go down to the physicians lounge for iced cream. None of the
residents got any, and the attendings ended up eating it. They subsequently
sent out an email patting themselves on the back for the efforts they were
making to keep any more residents from jumping off the fucking roof.

Another time: it was physician day. I hadn’t actually seen this before, most
hospitals don’t bother praising physicians, but this was a safety net hospital
with shit salaries. The trainees on the psych floor were encouraged to go down
and get some of that free salad and pizza.

All the patients had been seen, nothing was going down, so they handed off the
floor to the nurses and mid levels to go get some of that fancy pizza the
folks in charge kept telling them to go get. This is normal; multiple staff
qualified to run a code remained on the floor (a code is basically an
algorithm for administering cpr, with attendant drugs).

A medicine attending waited for them to leave the floor and go downstairs. The
moment they were good and gone, he called a fake code. When the mid-levels,
nurses, and med students arrived, all trained in running a code, the attending
put them aside, and kept waiting for the residents to arrive. Eventually, of
course, they did.

They then proceeded to get ripped new assholes for having had the temerity to
go downstairs for lunch after having been told by their seniors to do so, and
leaving their patients appropriately covered. They got sent to lunch just so
they could be scolded for getting lunch.

But that sort of shit only happens to psych residents. Other residents would
never be told to take 20 mins to grab lunch.

------
7402
At the end of a project death-march (at one point I turned in a >100 hour
timecard), the division director had a celebratory thank-you dinner for all
the _managers_ involved in the project.

My direct supervisor was at first puzzled as to why I wasn't coming with him
to the dinner at the end of the day, and then he was quite appalled - I think
he later had words with the director about the whole thing.

~~~
hinkley
I'd bet money that most of those managers weren't even in the building for
most of that death march.

I have a standing rule. If I work overtime it's because I fucked up. I said
something would be done by Friday but I goofed off, I'll work.

If I'm working nights and weekends for business reasons, then my manager is in
the building the entire time. A lot of them tone down their rhetoric when you
make them put skin in the game. All of a sudden some of the scope gets
negotiated down.

~~~
tonyarkles
It’s funny to tell this story in a thread about bad incentives, but the
“managers not there” part reminded me of it.

I worked at a startup that did citizen identity management for government
(think SSO for an entire province). Because of gov’t IT policies, we often had
to deploy after hours, in a kind of weird “managed IT” process. We still
automated the process, but couldn’t press the button without being on a
conference call etc.

Anyway, we had a deployment go south on Friday night, rolled it back, and
decided to come back and try again Sunday. The CEO himself showed up about 10
minutes after we did with a big box of Dilly Bars. Normally that would put
this in the category of this thread: “thanks, I’m working overtime for ice
cream...” but what he said made it all better: “I know this sucks to be here
today. Help yourselves to ice cream. And I’ll be in my office all day, stop by
if you need anything. And please let me know when you’re done so I know I can
go home.”

Awesome awesome dude.

~~~
dbcurtis
Yes, having a manager just be there showing appreciation is huge. My story is
trying to crack a hot, high-impact bug that got reported days before product
launch. Daily 8:00AM and 5:00PM status meetings on Saturday and Sunday
reporting to multiple VP's kind of hot. So the debug lab manager had little
clue how to hang a logic analyzer probe any more, and no clue how to read the
traces. But he brought in take-out 3 meals a day and did whatever else to keep
us well-fed and caffeinated during the ordeal. And if we wanted to consult
with somebody, he tracked them down and got them on the phone. Basically just
hung out and said "Thanks" often.

~~~
tonyarkles
That is 100% awesome. I've had a few managers over my career that got that.

The counterpoint (funny enough, at the same company as the ice cream) was a
different exec who came close but just missed the mark. Weekday evening
deployment (started at 5:30pm) and he orders pizza. A lot of pizza. Things go
smoothly and since we're just sitting and watching monitoring for a bit to
make sure all is good, he decides to head out. Ten minutes after he leaves, we
get a call about a third-party site that broke after the deployment... guess
we're not leaving.

So the debugging drags on, and around 11pm we start getting hungry. AHA!
Leftover pizza in the fridge! We go to the kitchen to discover... he took all
of the leftovers home. Like 4 pizzas worth. So what's our conclusion? "Fuck
it, we'll fix it in the morning. Let's go home."

All it would have taken waa leftover pizza...

------
fatnoah
Oh, man, don't get me started. Two short ones: I did a stint in professional
services and billed for 2600 hours @ $250/hr for a total of $650k. Essentially
worked 12+ hour days for a year, and got a bonus of $1000 before taxes. I quit
within a month.

Next up was an appreciation gesture where we were thanked for all of our extra
hard work with a pack of "Extra" gum and a delivery of baked potatoes (with
all the fixings, at least). Unfortunately, the potatoes didn't arrive until
about 2pm and no announcement was made. There was just a couple tins in the
corner of the kitchen.

~~~
rsweeney21
Most of the developers at my company (www.facetdev.com) are contract, but for
the few full-timers we still have, we used to ask the team to work long hours
out of the goodness of their hearts if a project needed it.

That seemed wrong, so I implemented a bonus plan where you get paid 60% of
everything you bill over your weekly goals and made working extra hours
optional. I love writing those bonus checks!

~~~
StavrosK
Wait, so you pay overtime, except you pay 40% less? I must be
misunderstanding.

Also please tell me you aren't proud of paying for overtime and I'm
misunderstanding that too. That should be the minimum expectation.

~~~
dhruvmittal
Not the original poster, but any kind of overtime is rare for salaried work?
At least in the US.

I'd take 60% per hour for overtime in a heartbeat as long as it was optional,
since I've always ended up doing that kind of work for client/manager goodwill
(or the pleasure of not being fired).

~~~
chatmasta
Some states (Washington, IIRC?) require overtime hours be tracked even for
salaried positions, and those hours should be 1.5x regular rate.

(This is off the top of my head based on an internship 6 years ago)

~~~
foota
I think this may be true beneath a certain salary amount, but it's relatively
low for software.

~~~
inuhj
For California it depends on both type of work and compensation. You can still
be required to pay overtime to a salaried employee if they don't meet certain
criterion such as being in a managerial position.

------
russh
My wife is a registered nurse and the facility she works for had a Christmas
party "to recognize all the hard work" everyone did. At some point they did a
raffle and handed out a total of 8 gift cards among the 200 employees at the
party. Whatever. Her next pay stub had a deduction for $35 to cover the cost
of that party and the "gifts" that were given.

~~~
mikeash
I think this one has transcended the realm of bad gestures and ended up deep
in the territory of illegal wage theft.

------
vinceguidry
One of my hobbies is to dream up fun ways to shame the higher ups. The basic
gist of it is that you have to thread a needle between the fiction that you as
an employee care about the business and the business cares about the employees
and the reality that the business primarily cares about increasing profits and
the employees just don't want to be bothered by silly management tactics.

So in order to be successful at this and deliver maximum shame you have to pay
the same amount of lip service to the fiction as management does while
savagely illustrating the reality. And do it as publicly as possible, but not
in a town hall or all-hands meeting. All-hands meetings are ridiculously
expensive from the corporate perspective so derailing them to make a point
makes you out to be a villain. At least wait until they ask for questions.

But if the boss gets up and grabs everyone's attention for a minute, that's
the perfect time to go on the warpath. "So what are we going to get for all
this effort? Gift certificate to Applebees?" especially if that's something
that's been done before. The idea here is that the boss is making an appeal to
sacrifice personal comfort for the good of the company. That's never okay and
is poor management. So raise the question of what we're getting in return.

The payoff is twofold. First everyone paying attention gets the pleasure of
watching the boss squirm. Second is the eventual pavlovian conditioning that
gets the boss to respect the workers by not making unreasonable demands _just
because nobody will stand up to them_. They need to justify it with more than
hoorahs.

The best part of it I think is if you do this once and get away with it, you
won't see it again for awhile, then when they do and you have to remind them
again, you can watch that flash of 'oh right, I can't do that with Vince
around' on their face.

Won't work in the public sector where the expectation to sacrifice yourself
for the public good is intrinsic to the culture. But I consider carrying the
torch for workplace respect part of what I consider "managing up" and one of
the things I try to bring to every role.

~~~
fj39dkf
I'm surprised this seems to work so well for you. I've had colleagues do
similar things and it pretty much always resulted in them being "managed out",
outright fired, or mysteriously lumped into a round of layoffs that otherwise
didn't affect their department.

~~~
vinceguidry
It really is about threading a needle and making sure you pay the appropriate
amount of lip service. It really helps to make yourself really hard to fire
and likeable otherwise in the organization. Respect starts with you respecting
others and the company. If they respect what you do for them, then you get the
latitude to push back on stuff.

------
GlenTheMachine
My employer, a US DoD component, had a program called “On The Spot” awards.
The idea was that if you had done something outstanding, your first line
supervisor could authorize an immediate bonus of up to $1000.

Being the DoD, it couldn’t be that simple. They decided that actually the
bonuses had to be approved by your second, third, _and_ fourth line
supervisors. And also by the program manager at the sponsoring agency. Forms
had to be filled out, lost, found, signed, routed, xeroxed, left on desks
while people were on vacation. Passed through legal and security.

Also, the bonus was distributed among all the team members being rewarded. The
$1000 figure was the maximum allowed for the total bonus, not the individual
bonuses.

My team did something outstanding. It took 18 months of hard labor. Overtime.
High stakes demonstrations. We ended up bringing in tens of millions of
dollars in funding. A full year later an extra $150 showed up in my paycheck.

PS I forgot another incident. I was nominated for a prestigious award, given
by an official very high up at the Pentagon. I was asked to write my own
nomination letter. I was given the award; to receive it I had to dress up in a
suit, show up early to work, shake the official’s hand, and then spend an hour
giving him a tour. The actual award was a letter of commendation and a
challenge coin. There was no bonus.

Theoretically, the challenge coin would be worth a lifetime of free drinks in
bars frequented by military members. Or so I’m told. I don’t drink.

~~~
throwaway66666
Damn! My current CEO wants to do the same. But he wants people to vote across
teams. EG, backend engineer nominates machine learning researcher. Machine
learning nominates HR. For a $1000 bonus, or a new ipad previous generation.
Reasoning is that the manager cannot approve because that would reward
favoritism, so random people nominating random people it is. Bad ideas coming
from a good place I guess, but people are going to feel demoralized for sure
in the end.

~~~
asark
It's surprisingly easy to accidentally be designing a game and not realize it.
And designing games is hard. And one can closely approximate the percentage of
the population that's put so much as one thought toward how to do so—the
limits of the practice, the balance, the ways your rules can be abused or
encourage behavior you hadn't anticipated—ever, as zero. That when someone
starts to recognize what they're accidentally doing they tend to give up, or
abandon any effort to do it well, or ditch it and go with some familiar,
proven pattern instead even if it sucks and doesn't fit the situation, makes
sense. It's hard, and very few people are good at it.

It's easier to recognize that you're playing one than that you're making one,
it seems.

~~~
TimTheTinker
Obligatory:
[https://dilbert.com/strip/1995-11-13](https://dilbert.com/strip/1995-11-13)

------
gameswithgo
I worked for a while for Thomson Reuters, where some years ago somebody in
charge read that companies with value statements performed better than those
that did not. So they _hired a 3rd party consultant to write down their
values_ and they had these posted all over the walls.

They also had posters of stuff like "the mood elevator" pasted up in the
kitchen: [https://themoodelevator.com/](https://themoodelevator.com/)

Everyone I felt like I could talk to about this thought this was childish,
idiotic nonsense. Do companies have thousands of childish people who take this
stuff seriously and think it is great? Or does everyone have to just pretend
because they don't want to get fired?

I have a hard time understanding it. Anyway I left that place.

~~~
maxxxxx
For me any kind of motivational posters on the wall are an immediate red flag.
Usually it means that things aren't going well and management can't come up
with anything better than hanging up posters. Well-run companies show their
values by the way they work. They don't need posters.

~~~
brokenmachine
My company sends emails about online surveys.

The surveys are thankfully anonymous.

I know these useless surveys will never have any effect, and you never hear
about any results or changes that have happened because of the surveys.

There are only checkboxes for "mildly agree", "agree", etc.

But there is usually a tiny "other comments" box. So I usually write long
diatribes about all the company's failings in that tiny "other comments" box.

At least I'm getting paid while filling them out, but they must be wondering
who the disgruntled truth-sayer is, since I'm sure not many in the company
actually bother to do the surveys.

The only reason I know not many actually bother to do the surveys is because
they do release stats on that, and encourage people to do them - I imagine
it's some kind of Executive KPI for worker engagement or some such bullshit.

------
cptskippy
I worked on a team of three people in the early 2000s to develop one of the
first web based automotive insurance underwriting applications for an
insurance broker. It was a low volume program and as such they hired a single
marketing representative to cover the entire state of Pennsylvania. He worked
on commission and was expected to make in the high five figures.

It ended up being wildly more successful than anticipated and pulled in double
digit millions the first year. The marketing representative's commission ended
up being middle six figures as a result.

He sent us a case of Tastykake snack cakes as thanks. That was all we got in
the way of thanks from the company.

~~~
woah
Was it really his responsibility to give your team a lavish thanks? Sounds
like he had a windfall, but working on commission can very easily go the
opposite direction.

Was the wild success of the initiative due to your team’s outstanding
technical genius?

~~~
perl4ever
"Sounds like he had a windfall, but working on commission can very easily go
the opposite direction"

Well, I'm a bit skeptical. Someone who makes $500K unexpectedly isn't going to
lose $500K unexpectedly.

~~~
StavrosK
One year you sell $500k worth of software to customers, the next customers
sell $500k worth of software to _you_. Easy come, easy go, it's a zero-sum
game.

------
lostphilosopher
Not a counter point to this article, but a counter point to the efficacy of
monetary rewards.

> "Study showed that monetary incentives are great for routine, mechanical
> work. But how does it play when talking about cognitive, advanced tasks? Not
> well at all."

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgKKPQiRRag](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgKKPQiRRag)

Counter-counter point: If anyone ever points you to this for evidence _you_
shouldn't get a bonus/monetary reward system, ask if _they_ get a
bonus/monetary reward system...

~~~
Someone1234
This is a different topic than the article and the discussion so far.

A yearly bonus or a "thank you"/party/etc aren't rewards tied to specific
tasks. They're meant to be gestures of appropriation. You're discussing a
bonus structure that ties financial incentives to very specific work items,
and rewards them accordingly.

I'm not disagreeing with your point, just pointing out they're two different
topics.

~~~
rdiddly
Appropriation or appreciation? If it's appropriation I'm intrigued!

Like what if someone shows up to an event you planned, and starts thanking
people for coming. They're basically implying/claiming ownership of the event.
Appropriation through appreciation.

In other words what if you thought a project was yours, and then someone
appropriates it by thanking your team, implying it was for that person all
along?

------
Areading314
On a team with many colleagues from India, was repeatedly promised steak
dinners if we were able to meet deadlines.

~~~
billfruit
There are plenty of Indians fine with steak dinners. India is a pretty diverse
country.

~~~
kyllo
Only about one-quarter of Indians eat beef, so it's not at all safe to assume
that any random group of Indians you encounter will be majority beef-eaters.

~~~
oh_sigh
Well then they can get the pork chop

~~~
addicted
Pork isn’t popular amongst meat eating Indians either. Just look at your local
Indian restaurant menu. You will see very few, if any, pork dishes.

~~~
perl4ever
I don't think I've ever been in an Indian restaurant that has pork _or_ beef
on the menu, but that's in my corner of the US. Pretty much universally, they
have chicken, lamb, goat, seafood, and vegetarian versions.

------
StavrosK
We need to find a name for a gesture so small in its generosity that it ends
up being offensive. No bonus would have left me disappointed, but a $50 bonus
would have made me angry.

Like when Delta gave a food voucher to make up for a 5-hour delay on a
30-minute file. The voucher was for $3. Fuck Delta.

~~~
pavel_lishin
When my entire engineering team was laid off, work organized farewell drinks
for us.

Except they didn't actually _budget_ for this. Their idea was that the whole
office would go out and... celebrate? Us being laid off? And pay for it
ourselves?

~~~
JakeStone
Man, when my company got shut down in the dot com days, after the 10am all
hands, I said screw it and took my entire team out for drinks until about 4,
out of my own pocket.

As far as I'm concerned, that's the way you do it if you're going down with
the ship. Drink with the crew, pay for them, and tell stories and try to make
plans as you slip into the waters. 19 years later, I'm still friends with all
but one who disappeared to the offline somehow.

Ended up giving my director a slightly embarrassing hug when we got back in,
but we'd been through enough over the past that she forgave me and we're still
friends.

~~~
StavrosK
How can a hug be so embarrassing that it needs to be forgiven? It's a
euphemism I'm missing, isn't it.

~~~
JakeStone
She and I were somewhat standoffish people back then, not really huggy types.
Meanwhile, I come into the office, 3 sheets to the wind, see her, and said
something like "S., I am going to miss working with you so much!" at a fairly
loud volume, and I'm a good half foot taller than her.

It's something I still have to buy her a beer for every couple of years or so.

~~~
StavrosK
Hmm, I still can't relate. It sounds like a very sweet gesture. If you told me
you'd miss me and hugged me, I'd buy you a beer.

~~~
JakeStone
I grok. Our business relationship was very good (thus my outburst) but our
somewhat distancing (and very "proper" and "professional" Midwestern based)
personalities in the 90s led to it being slightly embarrassing for us, then.

We obviously got past it, but it makes for an amusing story as she's never
seen me that inebriated since, and actually didn't know I could get that
buzzed as well as be demonstrative.

~~~
StavrosK
Ah, I see, thanks. I'm glad everything is good now!

------
radcon
I worked for a company that was always handing out cheap tokens of their
"appreciation" (we all knew they didn't appreciate the employees but I guess
they figured pretending might reduce turnover). Sometimes it was a free
pretzel or water ice, other times it was a Thank You email that sounded like
it was written by some cheap marketing AI. You could also get a "Shout Out" in
the monthly newsletter that nobody read, but only if you twisted your
coworkers' arms enough to submit one. In the end, all their efforts only
served as constant reminders of how little the executives actually appreciated
everyone, which decreased morale and increased turnover.

There's something extra depressing about working for a company where the
millionaire executives think workers can be placated with 25-cent junk food. I
think that company is still limping along somehow, which is great because the
new Glassdoor reviews are usually pretty amusing.

Also, if you want to see an example of morale boosting gone wrong the
Healthineers song is pretty great:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5LiUrezV6k](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5LiUrezV6k)

~~~
bluedino
Here's my story:

A place I worked at one time had the vending machines removed. The owner's
neice was overweight and died of cancer and had other health issues, so he
didn't want any of the rest of us making poor deciisions and ending up like
her

So they took the vending machines out. Great, now we need to go to the gas
station a block down the road to get a candy bar, chips, or afternoon soda.

One particularly hot day, the sales team went out to the production
floor/warehouse to hand out Powerade (generic gatorade) to the workers.

They brought the social media and marketing people with them to take photos
and post the 'good deed ' online. We can only have a soft drink when they deem
it necessary!

~~~
arkades
Was at a place that did something similar, but at least they replaced it with
free (if crappy) coffee and giant bowls of fruit. I actually appreciated it,
even if it was a touch “we want to pay lower Health insurance premiums”
paternalistic.

------
niccl
A different view: I'm a contract dev at a very small company (20 all up, 2.5
devs, all contractors). The bosses are owners, and work _crazy_ hours.
Occasionally they'll give out $100 supermarket vouchers, with a hand-written
Thank You message, when we've hit some milestone. It's worth barely more than
an hour's work, but I still appreciate it. I'm pretty well paid there, and to
give a cash bonus that would be significant on top would be a big dent for
them, so I mentally fall back on the 'It's the thought that counts', and the
hand-written cards give a genuine feeling of being appreciated

~~~
crooked-v
I'm sure it helps that it's actually something useful, unlike some of the
other examples given in the comments - everyone needs groceries, after all.

------
throwaway2413
My own personal favorite, from my GM, explaining why the sales team was
getting six-figure bonuses for an extremely successful year entirely driven by
engineering, which was getting barely four figures:

“Sales people are motivated by money; engineers are motivated by fun work. So
just do your job and have fun!”

I’m not even interested in money, just a little respect would’ve been great!
Needless to say, I quit shortly thereafter.

------
AdmiralAsshat
I read this and was immediately reminded of David Sedaris' short story about
working as a Macy's Elf:

>I spend all day lying to people, saying, "You look so pretty," and "Santa
can't wait to visit with you. You're all he talks about. It's just not
Christmas without you. You're Santa's favorite person in the entire tri-state
area."

>

>Sometimes I lay it on really thick. "Aren't you the princess of Rongovia?
Santa said that a beautiful princess was coming to visit him. He said she
would be wearing a red dress and that she was very pretty, but not stuck up or
two-faced. That's you isn't it?" I lay it on and the parents mouth the words,
"Thank you," and "Good job."

Source:
[https://www.thisamericanlife.org/47/transcript](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/47/transcript)

~~~
itronitron
I particularly liked Sedaris' rendition of 'Away in a Manger' sung straight
from the heart.

------
ConfusedDog
Kudos session during the Agile's Sprint Retrospective. Everyone suppose to
show their appreciation to teammates of their choices for a mandatory pat on
the back. I always feel being forced to do that is really awkward.

For one, if someone didn't get at least one pat on the back, it is very
demoralizing for them. Also, there are a lot of teammates did not get a pat by
the persons they think should be gratuitous would be a little resentful. I
think it's one of the dumbest morale boosting activities.

------
jchw
A certain startup I worked at, the CEO would give out... gift cards.
Occasionally, usually after someone was severely overworked. And I’m pretty
certain he got them for free/cheap in the first place.

Of course, the real red flag was starting at $10/hr 1099’d (almost definitely
illegally) and being told it’s more than most people start at. For software
engineering. After a good interview. I was astounded and perplexed, but it was
my first software job, I was a college dropout, and I was still living with my
parents, so I took it anyways. But if I knew what I know now, just a few years
later, I would’ve laughed in their faces. Oh well.

~~~
cosmie
> the CEO would give out... gift cards. Occasionally, usually after someone
> was severely overworked. And I’m pretty certain he got them for free/cheap
> in the first place.

I've been there, and it wasn't even a startup. The company credit cards had 1%
back, redeemable as gift cards. The owner/CEO insisted on paying as many
vendors and contracts as possible via credit card to rack up the points. The
stack of gift cards (for places he didn't like enough to keep the cards)
became the de-facto office "perk me up", particularly after bouts of excessive
overwork.

~~~
bluedino
I don't mind gift cards. It's a bit tacky when you can tell they are Christmas
leftover by the eGiftCard that is included with it expering back in Feburary,
and it's June.

------
Someone1234
Considering how expensive staff are, I've never understood the culture
surrounding penny pinching the stuff that would keep them happy/improve
moral/improve retention.

Forget the moral arguments for a second, even in purely financial terms it
would likely pay for itself in recruitment savings alone, let alone brain
drain/efficiency, training costs, and so on.

Even a "cheap" employee in a white collar job, is likely costing $60K or more
(inc. the employer's share of taxes, benefits, etc). 1% of that is only $600.
But people won't pay even that towards bonuses/comfortable chairs/second
monitors/"thank you" lunches/staff parties.

At some point it seems a lot less to do with what is rational/logical, and
more to do with the power dynamics and people higher up the chain's apathy.
Companies are actually hurting themselves for seemingly no good reason. It
isn't even fiscally responsible.

~~~
bobochan
I work in the US and since the Great Recession the swag that we used to get
around the office (e.g. t-shirts, ice cream days) have really dried up.
Spending on buildings, on the other hand, has increased rapidly.

Last year I went to a meeting in France that was held in a rather old building
in Grenoble. It was a day long meeting so they brought in a boxed lunch for
everyone. Shocking. There was some sushi, chicken in pasta, hot rolls,
chocolate cake, and two small bottles of wine and water. It was fantastic.

I was slow on the uptake, but then it hit me, given a choice between spending
money on people or things, they chose to spend it on people. Honestly, a total
shock for me.

~~~
BurningFrog
In high tax countries, you spend a lot on untaxed benefits for the employees.

In Silicon Valley I make 3 times as much (after tax) as I made in my high tax
European country, but my work place life is crap in comparison.

~~~
sharadov
Don't they have free food and a foosball/ping-pong table? Isn't that pretty
much a staple? Or, is it the co-workers that suck?

~~~
BurningFrog
In one of my European jobs we'd have quarterly "seminars", where we ostensibly
studied something. But they were really quite costly parties at exotic
locations.

------
4ntonius8lock
I once worked for a company that was on the verge of bankruptcy.

The owner (main shareholder) of the company decided that what the company
needed was a new CEO to turn the ship around.

At the time, the company was so broke that we were getting less than the
needed amount of office supplies. At the end of each month, basics were
missing. So us, the employees, were bringing in our own toilet paper, coffee,
cleaning materials, etc.

The new CEO came in at the end of the month when everything was missing. He
felt were were 'gloomy'. So he went out and bought us all balloons and
something else I forgot by now.

But the feeling of going to my desk to pick up toilet paper that I had to
bring in while carrying a 'free balloon' with some 'motivating' words is
something that I will carry forever. It was part of my motivation to spent 8
years self employed.

~~~
brianpgordon
Isn't providing insufficient restroom facilities an OSHA violation?

~~~
4ntonius8lock
It wasn't in the US. I'm sure it was a violation of some code in that country,
but if the company is close to bankruptcy... you can't bleed a rock. The only
way for the remaining employees to see what was owed to them was for the
company to keep sputtering on.

------
butterfi
I once worked for a very high profile entertainment company. Every year, the
CEO would give a "company gift" that was usually somewhat underwhelming. A
blanket with the company logo. A workout bag with the company logo. An
umbrella, with the company logo. Clearly someone was shopping out of the
"stuff we can get our logo on" catalog. The year after I left a new CEO was
hired (who, arguably had more experience in this particular industry) and they
promptly said "oh hell no" to that practice, and gave everybody new iPhones
and iPads. Dang.... figures it happen just after I left...

~~~
the_common_man
The CEO? butterfi

Sorry, couldn't resist :-)

------
Qub3d
Could have been worse. There was a time when corporations would literally pay
to produce entire _broadway productions_ about their companies.

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Industrial_musical](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Industrial_musical)

~~~
crooked-v
The documentary Bathtubs Over Broadway suggests that those productions got
positive reponses from employees, but that probably had to do with good
production values (some of the shows cost more than actual Broadway runs) and
it being an expenses-paid day trip for everybody.

~~~
Qub3d
That's actually where I learned about industrial musicals myself. I wanted to
link a more direct explanation, however.

------
empath75
I spent 2 weeks basically carrying our team building a proof of concept for a
$10 million contract, working 60+ hours a week, and got a $25 gift card for
applebees.

~~~
gameswithgo
Not sure if that is worse than a challenge coin. Maybe.

~~~
egypturnash
A lifetime chance at free drinks from military people (and hangers-on of
military culture) vs a meal at Applebees.

On the one hand you have to spend time in the company of military folks. On
the other hand you have to go to Applebees. Damn that's a hard one to call. I
think I'd prefer the coin, at least it's shiny.

------
bitL
I remember one young aspiring manager (now director at Google) destroying a
new talented employee by completely disregarding their work (which was the
main component of their brand new successful system and helped said manager to
a promotion), then later requesting that very same employee to smile more and
be as energetic/optimistic as when they first walked into the office. Beatings
will continue until morale improves...

~~~
president
This is the what happens when you hire engineers with zero emotional
intelligence and/or communication skills just because they can pass a Leetcode
interview and then promote them to a leadership position later down the line.
I've seen this happen way too many times.

~~~
gameswithgo
he was talking about an aspiring manager and here you assume he passed a
leetcode interview. ive never known an autism spectrum leetcoder type to tell
someone to smile more.

~~~
bitL
He was a tech lead and got promoted to manager after the release of that new
system, the core of which was written by the mistreated developer. I think it
had to do with dark personality traits instead of autism/Asperger.

------
lazyasciiart
My younger sister received an award for being a promising new grad or
something in her first year at one of the Big 4 accounting companies. Her
prize? A public ceremony where a senior manager handed her a copy of 50 Shades
of Grey.......

~~~
mabbo
... had they _read_ the book? Or just heard it was popular?

I'm trying to mentally justify how this isn't the craziest, stupidest idea
ever.

~~~
1121redblackgo
If I really stretched my imagination, maybe 'She's worked so hard and did so
well for our company, maybe she deserves to take a nice vacation, here's the
most popular book for women to symbolize that'.

~~~
protomyth
You are putting a bit too much thought into the decision making. I figure
someone walked into the book store and picked the book from the first
bestseller display.

Never attribute to malice or ignorance what can adequately explained by lazy.

~~~
eli
It is very common for abusive people to exploit this attitude and commit acts
that are clearly over the line but have some barely plausible innocent
explanation. Gaslighting the victim is, perhaps, another intentional part of
the abuse.

You'd have to work pretty hard to convince me that gifting a young woman a
sexually explicit novel is not malicious.

~~~
corodra
I didn't know 50 Shades of Grey was erotica until the movie trailers started
hitting TV.

Most guys had no clue about the book other than thinking it was a straight
forward romance book. I could make the same claims against other people about
how they can't tell the difference between spam and real emails or ad results
and real results. I know because I'm consistently around it and I HAVE to
know. It takes a level of maturity to understand that everyone else doesn't
know what you may know.

~~~
eli
A “straight forward romance book” would still be inappropriate

~~~
corodra
Really? I gifted romance books before to women. Not publicly, since I've never
been in a situation to do so. They've all been happy about it since I always
get them something random that they would never pick. Or is it that people
really don't gift books? I remember the original book cover to 50 Shades was
like a tie or something. It actually looked like a "tasteful" book if you
didn't know better. Literally, I would have picked that up for my mom in a
similar situation, if she didn't own it already...

I'm really thinking you're pushing a bias on the situation. Someone did
something potentially nice, but in a lazy ass way. Like getting flowers for
someone who is allergic to flowers. The laziness really bit them in the ass.
It'd be the same if I told someone I liked horror and they got me Twilight
because they heard it was about vampires and werewolves.

That's a situation where you laugh your ass off about it and crack a joke.

~~~
TheOtherHobbes
Firstly you shouldn't reward significant work achievements with a cheap book.
That's tone deaf no matter what the book is.

Secondly if you do pick a book, you can at least try to make it relevant to
someone's actual professional competence - something useful, but not
insultingly peppy.

Thirdly if you're going to do that, you can ask them what they want, in a way
that indicates you value their competence and opinion.

Gifts and rewards are all about social signalling, hierarchies and statements
of relative value. The messages are understood whether or not you're aware
you're speaking that language.

If you get it wrong, it's not just demotivating for the person, it's
demotivating for everyone else too.

And no, you don't have to be super-serious about it. Jokey gifts are fine,
although riskier than something straight. If the culture can take it, they're
a good choice. But you have to be very sure that _is_ the culture.

~~~
corodra
Whoa! You ask people what to get them as a gift? Do you also just tell them
"Hey, I'm too important to remember your likes/dislikes and to make an effort
to get you something that's at least somewhat meaningful." You realize a lot
of people take that as a really bad insult right? Being asked what to get as a
gift is just a "fuck you, I'm forced I get you something against my will". Why
do you think when some people are asked that, they just say not to worry about
it. That signals utter uselessness. Jesus, even my neighbors, who I barely
know, got me Neil deGrasse Tyson's latest book for Christmas because they knew
I like science. Seriously, like how heartless are you to just give advice to
"Just ask what they want. Don't bother thinking about it. It's not important
to think about that person on a human level and surprise them." Like, WOW. I
just reread Man's Search for Meaning again last week, but your comment really
just bothers the hell out of me. And you want to talk about cultural
appropriate actions?

Now, check the op, it's "Most promising grad that's been there for a year."
It's a borderline participation trophy. "Congrats, we didn't fire you." More
than likely, senior management, who gave it to her, probably felt the same
thing and thought making a big deal out of it was pointless. "At least get her
something other than some stupid piece of paper". So the guy, who 99% likely
didn't know her either, but did ask around what she likes and probably someone
said "she likes to read". Maybe he even saw her read a book. Then he just
either quickly ordered it off amazon if there was time for it to come in, or
just walked into barnes and noble and saw the "New York Times Bestselling
Book" table right at the door and picked it out. It is after all, someone he
doesn't know. But at the same time thinks a stupid piece of paper and making a
big deal about nothing is insulting to her as well. At least get her something
of some minor tangible value.

The main point, most guys had no idea what the fuck the book was about the
first year or two it came out. They just knew women liked the book and asked
no more questions. It has a not racey cover on it. It's easy to think it's not
too crazy judging by the cover.

Yea, profession book. Think about that one. "Congrats, we didn't fire you for
a year, here's a book that'll teach you to do your job better." Talk about
lacking empathy. At least getting a fiction book means, "Congrats, we didn't
fire you, have fun with a book."

A gift that's demotivating is one of being generic. A gift that can apply to
anyone. At least a book narrows you down to around a rough 30% demographic of
a given population with written language. "Oh hey, I notice/heard you like to
read. Since you've proved not to be useless to the company, here's a book
people seem to like and I hope you enjoy it yourself."

I also highly doubt it was a joking gift. ESPECIALLY AT AN ACCOUNTING FIRM.
You realize the HR nightmare and a half. Like, seriously. Because no one has
ever fucked up by trying to do a simple nice gesture, ever, in human history.
Everything is full of malice, hate and evil. Every single person. Must be if
you think asking someone what they want as a gift is even remotely
appropriate.

------
dash2
This reminds me of the story in Rivethead about Howie Makem, the Quality Cat
at General Motors, a 5' 9" cat who would wander the shop floor encouraging
quality.

One day the order came down that Howie Makem was not to appear in public
without his head on. The working stiffs figured out the reason: otherwise,
they might realise he wasn't actually a cat.

------
duxup
At a company I worked at it was bonus time. Bonuses had been a point of
contention forever as the company always bugled the metrics and despite a lot
of talk bonuses were hard to account for.

So anyway they announce a "Christmas Bonus":

$50....

I mean I'll take $50 but it felt like such an empty gesture. Just a few years
earlier I had gotten $150 bonus while working at a pizza joint. The HR person
who sent out the survey that year did not like that factoid about the pizza
joint that I provided on their benefits feedback survey.

~~~
xeromal
Yeah, I got something similar to that. Make 6 figures and got a 200$ yearly
bonus. I'd rather have no bonus. haha

~~~
maxxxxx
Or when a team works 6 weekends in a row, give them 3 days extra off and make
it sound generous.

~~~
futureastronaut
I worked in a startup eng. org that worked everybody to the bone for several
months with a dubious SOA overhaul. The prize was a cheap open bar. At least
it looked like an open bar, privately reserved and such. We each got two
raffle-style tickets to exchange for drinks, lest us peons get carried away.
Three days off? That would've been amazing.

~~~
Nelson69
hahaha. "drink tickets" I don't honestly know if it's a cost thing so much as
some trick HR has convinced people will limit their liability if something bad
were to happen. Every time I see that done, it seems like there is a little
black market for them the develops, some folks don't drink or leave the party
early and people tend to accumulate more than their 2 or 3 tickets.

This company no longer exists but they routinely demanded 6 days a week effort
as a matter of principle (if you put the hard work in up front, it pays
dividends as the project goes on... and then they just add stuff near the end
of the project) Some people left, morale was terrible, what did they do? The
C-level staff that a) had limited culinary ability, and b) nobody really
wanted to spend time with made a special dinner for everybody, it was quasi
mandatory on a Friday night. The CEO even gave a speech about how they could
have just taken us to a nice restaurant but it felt more personal and special
for them to make and serve us dinner.

To make it even better, there were some vegans in the mix and they didn't have
anything that they could eat.

~~~
duxup
>To make it even better, there were some vegans in the mix and they didn't
have anything that they could eat.

I was on the reverse end of that. A small group of folks eventually became in
charge of company morale type events... they only liked "different" things.

So there would be a presentation or event like thing and lunch. Except lunch
would be these weird vegan-ish "pizzas" and other dishes catered out, but
absolutely NO standard type lunch stuff. I don't mind odd stuff here and there
but it was all very unusual and honestly sometimes gross (even the vegans on
our team wouldn't eat it). Like at least have a few standard sandwiches.... At
one point it became such an issue people stopped going to the events.

The saga went on and on with this group of folks "guarding" the door so people
didn't leave early, events eventually became mandatory (people still did not
go), etc.

------
sigstoat
* got a $6 christmas bonus one year. (they did a percentage across that board, and i was working very little.)

* coupon for $10 off a turkey on more than one occasion

* enormous bowl of candy left out for everyone to get fat on. when employees complained that we didn't appreciate a constant supply of candy, CEO whined about how he was giving us "free food" and we were complaining.

* two different employers have decided that they needed to paint a bunch of fancy accent walls. they then get budget painters to put a single sloppy coat of cheap paint over the professionally painted office-wall-grey. ends up looking pitiful.

------
_jal
Incidentally, this is also why philanthropy is not a substitute for a safety
net.

------
devchix
I read this thread with such a jaundiced eye; from blunt cluelessness to
outright cruelty - _who_ is on the other side of these transactions? Surely
these are humans who think about the things they (do to|inflict on) their
underlings? Surely they are surrounded by other humans of moderate good sense
who could see the harmful, if unintended consequence and talk them out of it?
And yet, here we are.

My contribution: office Christmas party. One drink ticket. Spouse or
significant other specifically, emphatically, disinvited.

------
pwodhouse
John Oliver did a segment explaining how Murray Coal gave people bonus checks
as low as $3 for dodging safety policies to mine more coal, and said "they can
void their checks if they don't want the bonuses". Some miners mailed the
checks back voided with "Eat Shit Bob Murray" on them.

~~~
nefitty
Murray is possibly one of the most infuriating contemporary figures I've ever
learned about:
[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_E._Murray](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_E._Murray)

After one of his mines collapsed:

> The MSHA report heavily criticized Bob Murray's volatile behavior during the
> crisis, especially at daily briefings for family members, where he
> "frequently became very irate and would start yelling," even making young
> children cry, it said. He told family members that "the media is telling you
> lies" and "the union is your enemy."

[http://www.nbcnews.com/id/26050043/ns/us_news-life/t/year-
af...](http://www.nbcnews.com/id/26050043/ns/us_news-life/t/year-after-mine-
collapse-many-failures-clear/)

------
howard941
Well at least they tried. I'm in a Fortune 500 with no IC/TC promotion path
that spams the entire company with promotion announcements that land like
insults every week.

~~~
maxxxxx
I see those all the time too well knowing that for me that for me any further
promotion is close to impossible.

One thing that happened a few years ago was that I was on an improvement
project that supposedly saved the company millions of dollars. At the end we
won an award and i received an email talking about a big party at headquarters
with great entertainment and good food where people could mingle with top
management and the board of directors. It described what fantastic opportunity
this would be. This went on for paragraphs.

Then the last paragraph said something like “by the way to save money we will
send only the project lead and your management (who had nothing to do with the
project) to the event but you will also get a nice plaque instead of the $500
or so gift card that used to be normal for this type of award. “. I still
don’t know how anyone could write this and not see how crazy it was.

Anyways this was a good reminder to look after myself and not be a “team
player”.

~~~
duxup
>Anyways this was a good reminder to look after myself and not be a “team
player”.

Well you can do both, just don't expect anyone to do the first part for you.
Especially if that means moving on.

------
mcguire
So, several years ago, I was working for SAIC on a government contract. This
was shortly before the SAIC/Leidos split. Our head-honcho was an otherwise
decent man, but SAIC HQ decided...something. I've no idea what they thought
they were doing. What happened was that the daughter or niece of one of SAIC's
original founders came in as the co-head-honcho. No one liked her, although no
one particularly disliked her. No one knew what she did. She would show up at
meetings, be irrelevant, and disappear again. The customers were very
confused.

Shortly before Christmas, she and one of the administrative assistant types
went around the office with a cart, giving out name plates. She had to ask who
everyone was. Then she expressed how valuable you were and how you were doing
a wonderful job. She eventually disappeared again, back to wherever she came
from, very shortly before the SAIC/Leidos split.

I still have no idea what the hell was going on. And I worked at IBM for
several years.

------
AnimalMuppet
When I bring home a new T shirt from work, my wife says, "Morale's bad again,
huh"?

------
hinkley
One place handed out awards to half a dozen of us but the ceremony and the
gift were not given at the same time.

We had to harangue them for 6 weeks before they gave us the damned thing and
by that point the fact that we had to work for it a second time completely
undermined the thoughtfulness of the original idea.

And earlier boss would come to us at 10 am on Friday and said we could leave
early if we finished up early. The third time he did this we all shot daggers
at him and there was no fourth time. Because every time he did this we ended
up staying _late_ on Friday instead of leaving early. This is the same guy who
argued my estimates for a project down by 50% and then the project took 3x as
long as he told the customer (if you don't have time to do it right you have
time to do it over). But that's a different story.

It's important not to offer an award that you are not 100% sure you can follow
through on. It's way worse than nothing. It's Lucy and the fucking football.

------
kej
My dad worked Saturdays at a store related to his hobby, mostly for the
employee discount. They did a holiday bonus as a percentage of yearly pay, and
with his limited hours it came to something like $15.

It became a running joke until a year or two later when I had my first
software development job. The holidays came around, and we all got a letter
saying how vital we were to the organization's financial success this year,
and to express their appreciation they included a copy of the year's final pay
stub.

I had another job where I worked remotely, and they sent out employee
recognition packages that were just office supplies with the company logo. The
icing on top was that they had insufficient postage and I had to pay for a
lousy pen.

------
fooblitzky
The worst morale boosting gesture I've ever experienced was the CEO telling an
all-staff meeting that anyone that wasn't happy to work there could get $2000
for quitting on the spot.

~~~
ok_coo
How many people took it?

I'd probably take it on the spot. I mean, if morale is that bad already it's
like you're getting a bonus for leaving. Might as well!

~~~
fooblitzky
I don't think anyone did - it was ambiguous whether it would invalidate the
notice period (4 weeks), which would have been a bit more than $2000. No-one
was prepared to risk it.

------
nostalgk
Currently working at a place, taking a significantly lower pay, just for the
morale around here. Last place I worked didn't even have free coffee, and it
was a Fortune 100 company. I'll take the coffee and ability to put my feet up,
thanks.

------
mejarc
The setting: a mandatory, in-person all-hands meeting at a medium-sized
enterprise software company in SV.

The time: a few weeks before the winter holidays, mid-2000s.

What we expected: to hear about our company's IPO or beneficial acquisition.

What we got: orders to design and construct crazy! wacky!! zany!!! miniature
golf obstacles in the office for the CxOs to play through.

I doubt the (unquantified) morale at this company improved.

------
HelloNurse
Custom made motivational posters, with elegantly typeset quotations and
slogans. Part of the same great rebranding/reorganization initiative in which
employees got company-branded mugs and pens.

------
bori5
"Many years ago, when I was very young and you were even younger...Grinding
through emails"

Dude you're still young!

~~~
xtracto
My same thought... I understand email is "old" in terms of technology speed
but man SMTP was just defined in 1982.

------
magashna
I got an XXL Berkshire Hathaway shirt. I'm a medium. Thanks

~~~
failrate
Did you even work for Berkshire Hathaway? Lie to me, and tell me you worked
for Citibank: it makes the story even better.

~~~
Scoundreller
They may have gotten a BH T-Shirt even though they worked for somebody else.

------
falsedan
One job presented me with a Kindle after passing probation, it was still in
the box so straight into eBay to get money for something I actually wanted.
Same place rewarded a risky project we completed blazingly fast (the new VP,
when reviewing it, said it looked good for three quarters of work and we had
to correct him to say we’d started 3 months ago) with an Italian meal and a
promotion for the lead dev. The rest of us were on pitiful salaries and all
but one quit in the next three months.

Makes me appreciate the current role more, which has 4 office events a year, a
kids Christmas party where the parent-provided presents are reimbursed, and a
standard formula for a leaving drinks budget (roughly enough for one drink per
employee per year of employment). People still talk about when a 5- and 7-year
veteran both finished up in the same week.

------
euler_angles
One of my past employers gave us a "big Christmas bonus". It was a Twix Bar
with a pen tied to the bar with a piece of holiday ribbon.

The pen didn't work.

------
dba7dba
I used to work at a kinda old, small startup shop. The office had 'filtered'
water dispenser. BUT the filters had not been replaced for awhile and one day
I noticed the water tasted filthy.

The CEO's office was right next to the water dispenser spot. As I was walking
through the hallway, I noticed cases of FIJI water bottles in his office. And
no, it wasn't for us. It was ALL for him.

For those who don't know, FIJI water bottle costs about 5 - 6 times more than
regular water bottles.

------
bazooka_penguin
Dont tech companies in china hire full time cheerleaders for their male
programmers?

~~~
anc84
I heard they did that in Texas.

------
ravenstine
I worked at a company that handed out monthly "awards" to one member of every
team, but it was clear that winners of these awards were picked out of a hat
and everyone knew it. One guy on my team got an "outstanding excellence" award
the week after getting chewed out by the CEO for not pulling his own
weight(which was totally untrue).

------
me_again
My manager gathered our team in a conference room to listen to the audio book
of "Who moved my cheese". Which, if you're unfamiliar, is a lame allegory
about how you shouldn't complain if you are fired or otherwise screwed over.

The oddest part is that the layoffs everyone expected never materialized.

------
simonebrunozzi
I once worked at a large IT company. Several years ago, a high-ranking manager
was off to Europe for some sport thing. The company had the biggest outage in
its history, spanning several hours/days, and most of his team was working
non-stop to handle customers and trying to fix issues. He decided to stay on
vacation - his sport thing was too important to be canceled. Wait, the best
part is yet to come.

Months later we were having one of these kick-offs. He stood up on stage,
started his slideshow, and offered a few pictures of sunny places where he was
having fun playing that sport. Most people in the room knew what they were
doing while he was having fun. One of the worst examples of leadership I've
witnessed.

That person was let go several months later.

------
aiyodev
Got an email saying we were getting rewarded with pizza for lunch. My desk was
near the door. I saw the pizza delivery guy bring in the stacks of pizzas and
put them in the conference room. A group of supervisors came to supervise the
pizza delivery. Supervisors wore casual attire. Then a man came who must have
been their boss because he wore a button up short. Then a man with a shirt and
tie. Then a man in a suit. Finally, a man in an expensive suit I recognized as
the VP. Everyone assembled waited for him as he looked at the stacks of
pizzas, said something, and nodded. The supervisors then put the boxes on
carts and started to distribute them. I finally got my two slices of cold
pizza over an hour after they were delivered. Felt so appreciated.

------
szbalint
Ten euros worth of Amazon gift cards as birthday gift from the company.

That amount has a great way of signaling that the company is too cheap to do
anything real, but too unsophisticated to realize they then should have just
given a slice of cake or a birthday card.

------
iN7h33nD
My first job, 8 months on relatively fresh to software dev. They announced we
were going to have a pizza party the next day for all of our hard work this
year. The next day come around and about an hour or two beforehand I see
managers running, yes literally running, around the office and taking people
aside. Turns out half the company was fired and there wasn't even pizza. They
pretty much just said, we fired some people no big deal, back to work
everyone.

------
hackerbabz
My company spent months building an internal, online reward site.

You got points for going to unpaid classes in addition to your normal work
hours.

It had no backend validation and within 30 minutes I’d awarded myself some
company sweatpants.

I got an email a day later asking what size I wanted, and out of fear, I
replied that I didn’t want them anymore and I never took another reward.

------
bitL
Hard to beat this one:

[https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/formulaone/article-5871773...](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/formulaone/article-5871773/McLaren-F1-staff-
revolt-25p-chocolate-bars-given-reward-hard-work.html)

------
Havoc
The comments here. Ouch. So far so good my side. For above avg a months pay
and a extra day off

------
simonebrunozzi
Loved this comment on the article:

> My then manager once closed a team meeting with the words, (literally):
> "Thank you, and whatever other motivational stuff l'm supposed to say".

------
parrellel
5 dollar Target gift card bonuses, and then after launching a major app on
time a real bonus with a 3 page legal memorandum attached telling me it was
not.

------
thisisawkwrd
My last company cut everyone's quarterly bonuses and then handed out company
branded fidget spinners.

------
Damogran6
I worked for State Government. They made a big deal of going to a 'pay for
performance' program...You'd be paid for excellent work...Nobody would lose
any pay...this program had no funding.

Somebody was bad at math...or they thought we were bad at math. It did not
improve morale.

------
steve_taylor
This level of bullshit has PWC written all over it.

------
tzakrajs
Christmas 2010, HostGator gave everyone an e-cigarette or some other option
but since we were mostly 20-somethings working there the vast majority chose
the e-cigarette.

~~~
bluedino
I bet the next week was glorious if everyone smoked them at their desks

~~~
tzakrajs
It was, there are probably some videos of us double, or triple barreling them
and blowing clouds everywhere. My throat still hurts thinking about that day.

------
GoodJokes
These are times when I remember that in a hierarchy people at the top are so
removed and deluded that they think their employees aren’t full grown adults
that see this bullshit for what it is. It is insulting actually.

------
beezlebubba
I worked for a "huge well-known bank" as a data center engineer.
Unfortunately, they had converted all the FTE positions to contractor. As a
contractor, you had as much job security as a slab of meat. All new contractor
hires were given a copy of "Who Moved My Cheese" to read. In 32 years of
working, I've never seen a place with a higher turnover rate. It was sad
because the job itself was pretty nice, just nothing else about it was.

------
mooseburger
This sounds kinda nice. Certainly better than a sandwich, or a lunch. You have
to give it points for originality at least.

