
In memory of Rebecca Alison Meyer - chx
http://meyerweb.com/
======
kyrra
For those who don't know who this is, she is Eric Meyer's daughter:
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_A._Meyer](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_A._Meyer)

------
emehrkay
He posted one of the realest things that I've ever read on twitter the other
day

    
    
        I thought the stress of going from two to three kids was overwhelming, but it was nothing compared to the stress of going from three to two.
    

[https://twitter.com/meyerweb/status/474237830470696962](https://twitter.com/meyerweb/status/474237830470696962)

RIP

------
jacquesm
I'm not afraid of losing anything, except for my children. That's one of the
few things that keeps me up at night.

What a waste. Such a beautiful girl. Cancer really sucks.

------
gregthompsonjr
I really feel for Eric Meyer and his family.

I'm one of three of my parents' children. My sister, the youngest, was killed
at 16 July 31, 2013. My parents are devastated to this day, almost a year
later.

Eric wrote, "I thought the stress of going from two to three kids was
overwhelming, but it was nothing compared to the stress of going from three to
two."

That's what my parents have been expressing throughout the past 10 months. My
mother still says she has three children, so does my father, and I still--
without skipping a beat--say that I have two sisters.

Eric, if you're reading this, I guess I'm just saying two things: 1) You're
not the only one going through it, and you can feel free to reach out to
someone who might be able to identify with you; 2) I encourage you to refer to
your family as whole because of the impact your daughter made on your family's
life as a unit.

Keep your head up, please. I truly, truly, truly feel for you.

------
sambeau
Two things occurred to me when my son died:

* A big life can be very short.

* Losing a child is normality, it's just not modern, western, normality.

It's important not to dwell on the bad stuff. We are programmed to forget it
and remember only the good stuff so while my memories have gotten lesser as
the years have passed they have become better & more concentrated.

I've also learned to not ask "why me?" — and instead ask "why _not_ me?". Most
of history's parents have probably lost a child so the idea that "this isn't
supposed to happen" seems a little selfish to me. All those cherubs painted on
walls probably have real faces.

These days, I like to think that my boy was simply let into the big secret a
little early.

------
acconrad
I've been following his blog through the entirety of his daughter's trials and
tribulations, and I've come close to tears pretty much every time I read a
post in-depth.

I can't even begin to reach the level of empathy and sympathy required to do
Eric justice, but all I can say is sorry. I don't even know him that well but
I feel like he's done so much for my career as a front-end developer that it
just pains me as someone who is such a beacon for web gets such a tragic turn
of events, probably the worst any parent could go through.

I'm sorry.

------
chris_wot
Oh man, I'm so sorry. I don't really have anything else to say than this,
because I can't fully comprehend losing a child. I hope I never do.

------
pyguysf
This is what angers me about current tech companies. They spend billions of
dollars and thousands of man hours to make sure I see ads that are relevant to
me (why the @#$@ have they not figured out I have never clicked on one?) I've
got a glorified taxi cab service that I can order from my phone (omg!) and
will be here in 5 minutes. My phone just notified me that my friend took a
pictures. All while a gov that spends unknown billions monitoring all of these
rather useless, non-quality of life enhancing companies.

Imagine what we could accomplish if capital/compute/mindpower resources were
reallocated from showing me ads to solving something I cared about. Can we not
have another cab/delivery/ad/food delivery/message/social _text /video/short
video/music_ network?

My deepest condolences to the Meyer family, I can't begin to fathom the pain
and loss you must feel.

~~~
pling
That's because, relatively speaking, fixing those problems is a lot easier.
That doesn't mean we shouldnt strive to do things we can't already though.

------
notdonspaulding
What a beautiful little girl. She's 3 months younger than my oldest daughter.
I can't even imagine...

I'll certainly be praying for their family tonight. :-(

------
michaelsbradley
_Requiem Aeternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis. Requiescant in
pace. Amen._

I'm sorry to hear of the loss. I took care of a dying child for several months
some years ago; he finally passed away while I was holding his hands one day,
as the mission bells struck noon - 14th of September, 2007. My heart ached and
ached, even though he was not my own. How much more so a parent. I will be
praying for the family.

------
mpyne
I've lost a daughter. I can't even begin to describe how traumatic it was, and
I think losing her at 6 years instead of 5 months would only have been worse.
My grandfather died shortly after my daughter and it wasn't even in the same
galaxy. Losing a child sucks!

I don't know Eric, but I do know he's going to be going through an incredibly
difficult period. My friends helped me out, but time and reflection helped
much more. I was lucky to be in a situation where I could take an extended
period to grieve.

I hope Eric and his family is able to wade through this all with the absolute
minimum of additional pain, but nothing about it will be easy.

Eric, if you're reading this, hang in there... you'll never have your old life
entirely back (and I say this with tears in my own eyes now), but time really
can help heal over bad wounds.

~~~
baldfat
I lost my 12.5 year old son to bone cancer April 2013. It does suck. I also
lost my sister when she was 15 to brain cancer. My brother to suicide when he
was 19.

Faith is incredibly important to me and making my life one that counts. Life
is precious and we shouldn't take it for granted. We need to discover the fun
in life and live for those around us.

It does get better but they are ever present and I am glad. But man it just
SUCKS still all the same.

------
keithwarren
[http://www.cancer-iq.com/](http://www.cancer-iq.com/)

------
meepmorp
I can't anything anything in life half so awful as outliving one of my
children. My condolences.

------
MacSeven_77
my deepest condolences!

------
daviehayden
hearth breaking! my thoughts are with Eric and his family!

------
mac1175
This heartbreaking. My deepest sympathy to him and his family. As a parent, I
can't even imagine such a loss or how I would even cope with such a situation.

------
ilikecoffeealot
Eric, if you're reading this - my sincere condolences. I can't imagine what
you must be going through, but my thoughts are with you and your family.

------
ryanmarsh
Theres nothing that anyone can say or do to make it "better" for the Meyers
but if you know them, please reach out to them periodically over the next year
or so and just let them talk. Whatever you do, don't say "if there's anything
you need..." because everyone says that and most don't mean it and if they did
they wouldn't expect you to ask for the help in the first place. In fact, you
don't need to say anything. Just listen.

Source: I lost my 3 y/o daughter to cancer as well. It's every parents worst
nightmare and the ensuing darkness that comes over you after losing a child
has got to be the deepest sort of depression there is. I had an easier time
going to war, losing friends, and re-integrating into society with severe PTSD
than I did dealing with the first year after Layla died.

If you know the Meyers, please, just be a presence and let them draw off a
little bit of emotional energy from time to time.

~~~
sambeau
As someone who has also been through this I agree.

Do write to them even, if you struggle to find words.

Do tell them you are thinking of them. It does help.

Don't avoid mentioning Rebecca for fear of reminding them: there is 0% chance
that they will have forgotten, even ten years from now. They need to know she
hasn't been forgotten by the world, too. The occasional "Rebecca would have
loved this" is perfect.

Don't whisper. Dead children aren't secrets.

Yes, you can laugh: there is still joy and all children are silly.

Never, ever grab them by the elbow and talk to them with you head tilted
sideways (that drove me mad!).

Warning: I am constantly looking for any opportunity to mention my son and I
am duty bound to include him an any headcount or history or whenever a new
family face is born. If The Meyers do this, please try not to look shocked
each time.

~~~
mpyne
> Warning: I am constantly looking for any opportunity to mention my son and I
> am duty bound to include him an any headcount or history or whenever a new
> family face is born. If The Meyers do this, please try not to look shocked
> each time.

Yes, this is a huge point. Different families grieve differently, and how one
properly memorializes their dead children is a problem I would wish on no one.

I have a picture of my deceased daughter on my desk next to pictures of my
sons, which occasionally leads to awkward conversations, but I would rather
have poignant and painful memories than to try to erase it all.

My wife will try to include a picture of her in current family photos, which
always sounds weird to my friends—but I know exactly why my wife does it.

I hesitated to put a list of "ways you can help" since Eric (and his family!)
might grieve differently, but I will say that each and every single item on
this list I would have (and do) find helpful for my situation as well.

------
deanclatworthy
For those wondering Eric Meyer was one of the early advocates of modern web
design techniques and CSS. He's also an established author and international
speaker.

Tragically his daughter passed away today. You can read some of Eric's
heartbreaking writings about it here:
[http://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/category/personal/cancer/](http://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/category/personal/cancer/)

He's also quite actively tweeting before and after the passing, some of the
tweets bringing tears to my eyes:
[https://twitter.com/meyerweb](https://twitter.com/meyerweb)

~~~
fallinghawks
I thought meyerweb sounded familiar -- thanks. He had the most fantastic demos
on his site which I studied while trying to understand CSS some 8-10 years
ago. I'm saddened to hear this tragedy has happened to him and his family.

~~~
chandraonline
I have had
[http://meyerweb.com/eric/tools/dencoder/](http://meyerweb.com/eric/tools/dencoder/)
bookmarked for god knows how long! Absolutely gut wrenching to read his
blog/twitter feed. Hope you find the strength Eric.

------
jmspring
I'm willing to take the rep hit...but I have to ask... there have been other
threads that loss has been indicated...in all cases...it sucks...why is this
one trending more than others?

this forum sees legacy individuals passing on, near by contributors passing
on, and in instances like this one, a young life taken from us. i don't mean
to be harsh or question, but given the community losses, i've seen long term
contributors to technology relegated to the dustbin where stories like this
are in the top couple for some time.

It all sucks, but the "dynamics" cause me concern.

~~~
aklemm
Because the father is a tech luminary, and it's normal to be more emotional
about the loss of children.

------
enscr
Halfway through the post, I had to stop reading. This is so heart breaking. As
a parent, you start feeling guilty of being helpless when your child is
suffering. May God give strength to the family in these tough times.

~~~
mercer
Could you direct me to the post in question, as I'm (currently?) only seeing
the 'in memoriam' page?

~~~
notdonspaulding
I think this may have been the "post" in reference:

[http://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/category/personal/cancer/](http://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/category/personal/cancer/)

------
mistermann
7 June 2008 – 7 June 2014

Is this date actually correct? Perhaps trivial in the big scheme of things I
suppose, but for me the additional karmic insult of her dying on her birthday,
I think that might drive me over the edge.

~~~
holyjaw
Yes, I forget his handle, but I've been reading some of his Twitter stream.
It's... correct. So terribly correct.

~~~
erichate
[https://twitter.com/meyerweb](https://twitter.com/meyerweb)

------
zobzu
I hope that when people see this sort of things they also realize how many
anonymous kids die every single day :|

~~~
shiven
Thanks for the ringing the gong of facts. Now tell us what have you done that
has saved a single anonymous kid's life? Go on.

~~~
zobzu
straight words just for you:

lets honor and mourn the death of those who we do not know personally but are
related to well known public figures = pretty stupid in my eyes. feel good
kind of crap.

~~~
hhandoko
Why is offering sympathy stupid?

At the very least, this is the acceptable social norm regardless of the other
person's stature / social standing, is it not?

~~~
zobzu
on internet (and other mass medias for that matter), this "norm" is very much
accepted _only_ due to the other person's stature or social standing.

so, interestingly enough, what you're using as an argument is in fact the
exact reason why this seems wrong to me ;)

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keithwarren
In honor of this I wish people would post links to startups focused on
eradicating cancer directly or indirectly. All too often we focus on the few
startups doing something in a noisy consumer space and miss the hundreds
toiling away at some noble goal. If you know of one please post a link so we
can learn more about them and hopefully direct help their way.

~~~
sjtrny
Which cancer?

~~~
coldtea
How about all of them?

~~~
mpyne
And while we're at it we can eradicate all software and biological viruses,
since that would be nice to have too, and about as difficult.

~~~
jacquesm
Not sure why you got downvoted, it's a very valid comment.

The complexity of 'erasing cancer' is very much mis-understood, even though it
is of course a noble goal.

The biggest issue I think is that cancer is systemic, given a long enough run
the way our bodies do their housekeeping cancer is pretty much a 100%
certainty. It's like playing the lottery, if you play long enough one day
you'll win, only in this case you lose.

By far the larger part of the fatalities in my close circle were due to
cancer. And I fear that this will remain with us as a problem for quite a
while. Compared to curing cancer curing world hunger seems to be easy (it
requires no unknown technology, nor does it go against the way our bodies
appear to function).

~~~
mpyne
> Not sure why you got downvoted, it's a very valid comment.

I think in retrospect that my normal dose of snark, even with the point I was
trying to make, was probably not appropriate to the topic at hand. If nothing
else it might seem flippant, and while I know that's not what I would mean,
that doesn't mean people seeing the comment independently would realize that.

> The complexity of 'erasing cancer' is very much mis-understood, even though
> it is of course a noble goal.

If I had a do-over that's probably exactly how I would phrase it instead.
Saying we should simply cure cancer, as it were always one massive public
project away and just needed political will, just demonstrates an immature
understanding of cancer research as it stands today.

Certainly it's a noble goal, but it's seemingly at odds with how biology works
in a body in the long run.

