
"When you're done talking, stop" - jseliger
http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2009/03/-quot-when-you-apos-re-done-talking-stop-quot/9827/
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5teev
I'd extend this concept to meetings: if you block out 30 minutes but finish in
10, don't keep talking for 20 more. The excess discussion is at best simply
wasted time, or worse, leads to feature creep.

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lchengify
Couple of things I keep in mind while speaking:

1\. If you've lost your audience, get them back or stop talking. Be on the
lookout for subtle indicators that your audience has gotten distracted or
bored.

2\. If you can, think beforehand on what you want to communicate, and how to
do it in the shortest time possible that still gets the message across. Kind
of like debate team, except friendlier.

3\. Remember, you have 2 eyes, 2 ears and one mouth: use them in that ratio.

4\. Don't "filibuster". Sometimes I have a habit of talking to fill the void
or just to hold on to control until I can think of what to say next. It's a
bad habit, and I cut myself off if I catch myself doing it.

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dkokelley
Regarding 3, I've always thought that was a weak justification for listening
more and speaking less. I agree with the moral, but the same logic can be
applied to arrive at a number of ridiculous conclusions.

Regarding 4, Yes. Absolutely. The art of conversation is a delicate one, and
I've witnessed the 'hold the reigns' phenomenon often. (I'm one of the worst
offenders.) What's helped me is to imagine what my point and the supporting
statements are before opening my mouth. If I know what I need to say before I
start speaking, I'm less likely to ramble until I'm satisfied my point is
made.

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erikb
I did this indirectly, when i applied for my today's job. After hearing my
hourly rate I was really pissed but just didn't say anything because I didn't
want to spoil the deal just because one overconfident offer. So I sat there,
silently. And in the end my new boss himself made me a better offer, without
hearing any counter argument/offer from me. I think it is really a powerful
tool, especially when you know how and when to use it.

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rufibarbatus
From the book _How to Negotiate Like a Child_ [1]:

    
    
      once someone has offered something extra, it's hard to take that back.
    

Further:

    
    
      often when confronted by silence, the blabber will say something that
      she didn't plan on saying.
    

And further:

    
    
      if you observe children, as I did while researching this book, you'll
      notice that kids are content to sit with their friends and not say
      anything at all for periods of time that would drive an adult to
      reveal all manner of personal information.
    

[1] isbn:081447294X

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maren
I've found this particularly beneficial when having meetings with people who
are more successful than you or have wisdom to impart. I try to say very
little except things that will goad them on (to talk more) since within each
conversation w/ a smart person there is a little nugget of gold that could
change your business or life forever - it's just a matter of being quiet
enough to hear it.

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sramam
Reminded me of a quote from a long time ago (for me!):

    
    
       "Don't disturb the silence if you can't improve it!"
    

Can't seem to find attribution now. An excellent maxim to live by
nevertheless.

~~~
alttag
Great quote, thank you.

A buddhist blog [1] attributes it to Shirdi Sai Baba, and notes the phrase is
also attributed to the Quakers. [also, 2] ("Before you speak, ask yourself: Is
it kind, is it true, is it necessary, does it improve upon the silence?") [3]
cites it as a Spanish proverb.

1: [http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/does-it-
improve-...](http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/does-it-improve-upon-
silence.html) 2: <http://www.peterme.com/archives/000047.html> 3:
<http://quotes.prolix.nu/Proverbs/>

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itrackmine
imo this is key: "Basically we were told, when you're done talking, stop, and
don't let that pause goad you into say something stupid." And, unfortunately,
something I'm still working on.

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mathattack
It's also about listening. It's impossible to listen when you're talking. This
can be counterintuitive as we are hard wired to not like the blank space.

Think of it in reverse... How much do we hate sales people who won't let us
get a word in? How often do we really buy from them? If you have a consultant
pitching you, would you rather listen to a 30 slide powerpoint presentation,
or have a 2-way discussion on your issues?

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llambda
Here's the same article, formatted for print (I find these easier on the
eyes): [http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/print/2009/03/-quot-
wh...](http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/print/2009/03/-quot-when-you-
apos-re-done-talking-stop-quot/9827/)

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andrewflnr
I thought it was going to be about people who can't neatly conclude their
sentences and so end up with something like "blah blah blah, so..." or "so,
yeah...". That's annoying, especially when I do it myself.

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willidiots
I had this revelation a year ago. It's helped me massively.

