

You Are Your Own Worst Enemy - thoughts on ego protection and self-sabotage - zobront
http://zachobront.com/you-are-your-own-worst-enemy/

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ronilan
This is a very "classic psychology" view. As usual there are alternative views
and in this case specifically:
[http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signalling_theory](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signalling_theory)
[http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handicap_principle](http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handicap_principle)

A startup world interpretation, in a nutshell - the reason we value organic
growth or the achievement of a small team is that they are "honest signals".
They are "honest signals" because the were achieved while "handicapped"
compared to achievement supported by more resources (ex. marketing budget, big
teams etc.)

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SteroidsLove
I disagree with the author. Handicaps are real, very real, they are not mere
excuses to protect our sense of self-worth. If anything, what the
handicapped/troubled person desires is to lift and be free his burden - and
not to use it to fail repeatedly.

Apart from that, yes subconscious fear of failing, of being not good enough,
can paralyze you and demolish your productivity. You spend time searching for
that perfect design, then you stumble upon someone's else work, feel
inferior/get jealous - go back to the drawing board, and your project gets
never completed, not even halfway done. You can never be perfect enough.

So, striving for perfection is not a good ally, striving for providing
solutions is.

But please keep real problems/issues out of that, you don't have the right to
insult troubled people and call them under performers, and diminish their
burdens to "excuses for failure".

~~~
zobront
This isn't meant to be a hippie, voodoo, "all you need to do is focus on
success and it will come" message. There are real handicaps.

But there's also tons of people hurting their chances of success in order to
protect their egos. It's not just about perfectionism (although that's one
manifestation).

Which "real burdens" did you think were targeted that shouldn't have been?

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digitalengineer
That's why we on HN say: 'Build it and ship it'. Everything else is 'could
have, should have' noise.

~~~
zobront
This started off as a piece about Jobs' "Real Artists Ship" quote and slowly
evolved. "Build it and Ship it" really is the entrepreneur's corollary to this
whole line of thinking. Glad you picked up on that.

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jisidore
Hi, I just graduated in CS this summer. Coming into uni out of foster care I
always felt that things were much more difficult for me than for other
students because other students had their families for support and didn't have
the same emotional baggage that I do.

There have been times though where I've wondered if I was self-handicapping,
how do I know that things aren't as difficult for them? I guess I felt it
would be more acceptable for someone with my background to fail or break the
rules.

Like the students the author writes of, I once thought I was exceptional but
I'm not and it's surprisingly difficult to be honest with yourself about that.

~~~
zobront
Re: Are you self-handicapping? Probably not. You've got a real disadvantage.
BUT that doesn't mean you should hold yourself to any lower of a standard. I
find that a useful heuristic is to automatically answer "yes" to this
question. In other words, if I told you authoritatively, "YES, YOU ARE SELF-
HANDICAPPING - SNAP OUT OF IT" what would you do differently? Usually, whether
it's true or not, those are the right decisions.

Re: Exceptional. I'm sure you are. Exceptional is a vague term and that can
lead to big ego swings. We can all find evidence that we're "exceptional" and
"non-exceptional" every day. The trick is to realize that assuming that your
exceptional innate abilities will lead you to success without work is a myth.
Just keep hustling. Excellence is a habit, not a trait.

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vtanase
Very interesting read. I have to admit that I have been guilty of this self
handicaping on more than one occasion. The self illusion of being able to
achieve great things if you just put in the time is very difficult to
overcome. To me I believe that the difficulty comes from a mix of complacence
& fear of discomfort.

One thing that still bugs me to this day, is why this types of issues seem to
be more prevalent in the software industry than anywhere else. Has anyone have
an idea as to why this is?

~~~
precisioncoder
I would say it is due to the fact that computers are full of wondrous things
that distract us. How many software people have fought game addictions to
gloriously complex and involved game? There are more distractions being
created than there is time in the day to enjoy and when you feel tired it's so
easy to just access that push button entertainment.

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irollboozers
Something something a smart man knows he knows nothing...

Perhaps part of it is a personal predisposition to be able to face a hard
truth or accept that the chances of failure are high.

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ehmish
"We all tend to overestimate the situational factors in our failures and
overestimate the individual factors in our successes."

I recall reading somewhere that attribution of the factors differed by
culture, with the people in the US generally blaming themselves for what
happens in their life, and Europeans tending more toward external factors.
Unfortunately I couldn't find the source, so take it with a grain of salt.

~~~
zobront
There's a whole bunch of factors that affect it. It's actually Eastern
cultures that tend towards external factors (relative to us North Americans).
But, in general, everyone focuses more on the individual factors than they
should: it's called the Fundamental Attribution Error.

I've learned a bit about this recently in a Coursera class on social
psychology. I tried to attach the lecture video but you need to be in the
class to watch it. I recommend joining though - it's fascinating (and free).

[https://class.coursera.org/socialpsychology-001/class](https://class.coursera.org/socialpsychology-001/class)

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adamnemecek
Not sure if I really want to take life advice from a blog with the title
"meditations on winning".

~~~
zobront
I usually ignore critical comments, but on deeper thought that tagline comes
off a lot douchier than it did it my head. There's a better word for what I'm
trying to convey than "winning" but I can't come up with it.

Now that the tagline's changed, you can go back and take some life advice ;)

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cLeEOGPw
Regarding eating seconds as a self-destructive act is short-sighted. The same
man can both eat seconds and not be or look "like a pig", i.e. overweight, He
just needs to exercise.

~~~
zobront
In this case, eating seconds is not a self-destructive act but an example of
cognitive dissonance. Maybe it's not true for everyone, but most have the
feeling that they're doing something wrong/unhealthy when they indulge in too
much dessert, but they have the temptation to do it anyways.

That's cognitive dissonance. Self-destructive behavior is just one example of
a weird way we deal with that tension (in this example, maybe that's the
person who says "I have bad genetics, so it doesn't even matter anyways!"
before stuffing their face).

