

Lighten Up: A follow up - japhyr
http://therealkatie.net/blog/2012/mar/26/light-follow/

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theorique
It's unfortunate that the reflexive reaction is 'lighten up'. It's hard for
people (in this case, men in the tech industry) to step outside their own
heads and their own experience and imagine that it might be quite different
for others (in this case, women in the tech industry).

There also seems to be a lot of defensiveness and hurt feelings on the part of
lots of men. A 'we've suffered too' kind of complaint seems to crop up a lot.

And the subtext connects to the 'lighten up' argument - 'I didn't complain
when things got tough for me, and neither should you'. I've observed a lot of
internet debates deteriorate into comparisons of whose pain counts more, and
discussions tend to be unsalvageable when they reach this point.

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japhyr
I was surprised at how many people who commented on the first post basically
told her to "lighten up". The other kind of response I was disheartened to see
ran along the lines of "just give them some of what they're giving you", which
really boils down to "just stoop to their level".

I think I assume these issues are fairly visible, and that people who don't
see them on their own will recognize the problem as soon as it is pointed out
to them. I guess not.

