

How successful are you? - comet
http://bycomet.wordpress.com/2014/04/29/how-successful-are-you/

======
song
In some ways, I could say I'm successful. I have a stable source of income, a
wife and I can afford to go on holidays. But, I feel that I'm an NPC. If I
didn't exist, the world would be the exact same. When I think back on my
twenties, I had a lot of dreams, now all of them have been broken and I settle
for less...

Sometimes I feel that I just need to pick myself up together and decide what
to do with my life. Find some new dreams I can achieve but instead I just stay
in my own mediocrity doing nothing and wondering why nothing changes...

I don't think success necessarily correlates with the amount of wealth you
have but it correlates with the amount of self worth you feel and how proud
you are of what you did at the end of the day. It's way too easy though to
enter a vicious circle where because you failed at something you just stop
really trying. Like the author, I tried, I created a business, it failed
spectacularly last year due to my own incompetence at managing people and now
I'm just there regretting all that I did wrong and thinking that maybe I
shouldn't even have tried.

I'm sorry for rambling, I'm probably writing this more for myself than for
anyone else. I need to get up, stop pitying myself and find some new dreams to
follow instead of just settling for mediocrity.

~~~
flyinglizard
I really liked the NPC analogy. It's brilliant.

------
musically_ut
His definition of success reminds me of Bill Watterson's advice:
[http://zenpencils.com/comic/128-bill-watterson-a-
cartoonists...](http://zenpencils.com/comic/128-bill-watterson-a-cartoonists-
advice)

\----

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare
achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the
good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an
eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to
the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding
job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities
is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home
and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential — as if
a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.

You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing,
and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing.
There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear
about them.

To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I
think you’ll be happier for the trouble.

\-- Bill Watterson (creator of Calvin & Hobbes)

------
dctoedt
Wisdom from _Catch 22_ author Joseph Heller, via Kurt Vonnegut and Vanguard
founder John Bogle [1]:

<quote>

... At a party given by a billionaire on Shelter Island, the late Kurt
Vonnegut informs his pal, the author Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge
fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from
his wildly popular novel _Catch 22_ over its whole history.

Heller responds, “Yes, but I have something he will never have . . .
_Enough.”_

</quote>

(Extra paragraphing added.)

[1]
[http://www.vanguard.com/bogle_site/sp20070518.htm](http://www.vanguard.com/bogle_site/sp20070518.htm)

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danieltillett
This is a really difficult question to answer as what you consider success
will change as you age. I am not a success if I consider what I thought this
meant at 20, but I am now pretty happy with what I have done. I have a
fantastic wife, three great boys, a business I enjoy working in that allows me
to support and enjoy my family, and I am healthy. This feels like success to
me right now :)

~~~
ttcbj
Totally agree. I didn't get the success I thought I wanted in my 20s (some
sort of tech mogul). I did get a different kind of success (small business
ownership, flexible with direct customer relationships). Now that I have a
family, I love the success I ended up with, but I would have been disappointed
with it in my 20s. It is very hard to anticipate what you are really going to
want.

------
JonFish85
As others have said, it all depends on what you define "success" as. Clearly
the OP has done things that fulfill him.

Although the OP makes no mention of it, when I've talked with friends & family
about "success" and all that, following dreams is great. One big thing to keep
in mind is that the future is also uncertain. Retirement is the biggest thing
that comes to mind. I have many friends who have foregone saving for
retirement in order to follow their dreams, no matter how "irrational" that
may be (I use quotes because that might not be the right term).

20, 30, 40 years down the road, who is going to be paying for retirement? It's
great that "you" have memories of doing great things! But the bills have to be
paid. Is it going to be your friends, who worked those boring, monotonous
jobs? Will their 401k accounts be taxed so that they have to pay for your
retirement? Will mine?

What about kids? I have family members who did follow their dreams to do
whatever it is they want to do, and then start having kids. Without a solid
job, boring or not, someone has to pay for the kids. Either it's charity from
family, or it's the government via taxes.

Anyways, that's some things that I think about when these topics come up.

~~~
jonnathanson
A critical issue in "following dreams" is the way in which people do it. Case
in point: I have two close friends who decided to become poets. Not "poets" in
the colloquial sense, i.e., liberal arts majors with no quant skills. Poets,
as in people who hope to earn a living writing poetry.

One of those friends has been writing poetry her whole life, has become
phenomenal at it, got into the Iowa Writers Workshop, has been published in
the New Yorker on multiple occasions, and earns a respectable living in
academia. The other abruptly quit his day job at the age of 33, declared
himself a poet, and enrolled in some beginner's classes. I support his dreams,
but I do not support the order in which he took those actions.

People often forget that chasing "dreams" is hard work, and it follows the
same principles as chasing success by more conventional means. In fact, the
less conventional of a career you chose, the more conventionally hard you'll
have to work to make that career remunerative. Following your passion is a
wonderful thing, but you need to do it sensibly, strategically, and
skillfully.

------
smoyer
I've got four healthy kids and a loving wife (for almost 27 years). We live
comfortably and feel incredibly blessed ... what more could I ask for out of
life?

~~~
danieltillett
I could not agree more. You are living is what I call quiet (or quietish)
success.

------
pkorzeniewski
As I'm getting close to the magic age of 30, the ultimate dream and goal for
me right now is running my own business - not to get rich, but to be free and
independent, to feel that I have accomplished something more that working for
others, to create something on my own. It may change world, it may not -
doesn't matter, it's yours and always will be yours. Sure, it may require more
work, it may be more stressful - but I choose this over being a tiny cog in
another's men machine for the next 10 or 20 years as my life is running
through the hands.

~~~
secretdark
I got there a little while ago and started my own little business (a mobile
development company, predominantly for Android). I've had a startup, worked
for fairly large web-name, done a bit of consulting, and worked freelance. The
business is, by far, the hardest in terms of stress. I can't say I don't spend
any time at all envying a few of my friends with stable jobs, salaries and
work hours, but it's been an eye-opener in terms of personal growth and my own
capabilities (occasionally a lack thereof) and I can't recommend it enough. My
own endeavour may well still fail but I've learnt more about myself and my
abilities than I'd ever have a chance to in a normal 9-to-5.

I had a recruiter contact me for a developer position recently at a good,
interesting company. I politely declined, saying I'd started my own small
company. He said again that it was a rare opportunity, likely to disappear,
and began going through all their upsides again (or, at least, the ones he
figured would appeal) and finished with "and they have a foozball table!"

I don't want to belittle fulltime jobs, fun working environments, or large
companies, but in my opinion the chance at working for yourself - even if you
suck at it - is worth more than regular access to a foozball table.

Best of luck with your dream. I'm pullin' for you, brother.

~~~
Revex
I am about to jump from safety of the regular salary, and do something
similar. I'll be 30 in a few months and have always wanted to do this. Just
curious how did your journey into biz-owner begin, and what was the biggest
shock?

~~~
secretdark
I ended up working as a developer for an digital agency based in Toronto. It
was relatively small (~10 people, in total) but catered to some huge clients.
I realised that, with experience in freelancing (managing my own time and
projects), consulting (working with non-technical clients on technical
projects) and development itself, my skillset was varied enough that the jump
from freelancer to simple subcontracting to business owner shouldn't actually
that large a move. Once I thought of that, _not_ doing it seemed impossible. I
can't say it's been as smooth-sailing as I thought but I've been doing it for
a little 2 years now and we're still here.

The biggest shock was probably the amount of time it takes to simply manage
the business. While I was used to a degree of bookkeeping and simple project
management from freelancing, I wasn't quite prepared to spend a fifth of my
time managing the everyday flow of the business, as I find myself doing now.
It's a natural progression, but I still can't say I'm quite used to it. I am
better at planning for it though, and ensuring that my time spent project
managing is taken into account. Hope that helps.

------
Nursie
I've got money, a house, cars, flexibility to take whatever time off I need,
international travel ... all I want in life. Except no wife or kids.

Not feeling very successful right now.

------
read
Perhaps a more valuable question: how many people sit down, hopefully starting
early in life, to define what success is to them? And how many people keep
reevaluating that definition?

If being successful means getting what you want, what people seem to want is
relatedness, competence and autonomy, whatever that translates to for each
person.

[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-
determination_theory#Basic...](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-
determination_theory#Basic_needs_and_intrinsic_motivation)

------
jrs235
If you're feeling down on yourself I highly recommend a quick, short, and
entertaining read called The Underachiever’s Manifesto: The Guide to
Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great.
[http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0811853683/ref=as_li_ss_tl?...](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0811853683/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0811853683&linkCode=as2&tag=j02-20)
(Affiliate Link)

Edit: Affiliate free link: [http://www.amazon.com/Underachievers-Manifesto-
Accomplishing...](http://www.amazon.com/Underachievers-Manifesto-
Accomplishing-Little-
Feeling/dp/0811853683/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398783061&sr=1-1&keywords=underachievers+manifesto)

------
wastedhours
I had the opportunity to take a high stress, really well paid job at a
successful company (tech in a professional services org, not a tech co, 60%
more pay). They picked someone else after previous interviews, but approached
me again after the other person moved up. They had this "we stay late" culture
and I couldn't bring myself to take it.

For me, I took satisfaction from knowing I made that decision, and felt like I
actually had control of my destiny somewhat.

------
morgante
At what point are you supposed to be successful, age wise?

I'm 21 and my net worth is about 20 times more than most people my age
(putting me in the top 0.05% of the world by income). But I definitely don't
feel successful (no real relationships in my life), but maybe that's
okay—plenty of time to figure things out in the future.

~~~
vitno
I'm pretty sure you are always supposed to feel you are successful in some
way. If not, than you should have something you progressing towards/working on
that WILL make you fell successful.

Why would you keep doing something that doesn't make you feel successful if
you have no real obligations?

------
clef
Another interesting question if I may: Why does one feel the need to be
successful? Or maybe one needs to simply be satisfied?

~~~
pizza234
Goals in life are obviously personal, but I've observed they're very much
influenced by the culture of the country.

USA is a country where there is tremendous pressure to be successful, purely
for the sake of being successful. This is mad for me, and I am strongly
against this attitude, but it's factual.

There were interesting comments in a post, a short time ago, comparing the
cultures in USA and New Zealand. The latter would fit very much in what you
would define as "be satisfied".

It's mostly the typical division of A and B-type personalities.

My personal opinion is that to live in a very fulfilled way a bit of both is
required. One needs a bit of "success" to overcome some inevitable obstacles,
and a the sime time, "satisfied" to get a true feeling of himself and what's
around him.

The excessively laid-down people I've met were afflicted with subtle and not
immediately visible problems. As a matter of fact, one needs to carve his
space in life, otherwise he's going to be very limited, if not crushed.

The type of problems which affect the opposite type of attitude are more
"visible" \- mostly, neurotic behavior.

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panon
If getting home by 5.30 is important, you should look into moving to Sweden, 6
hour work day ? Also free health care and blondes!

~~~
seivan
Not for Software Engineers. Never for software engineers.

~~~
LaurensBER
Most European software teams have a strict "no over time" policy that's both
respected and enforced. Some company's even turn off the Astrix and e-mail
servers at night.

We all know what kind of shit code you produce after working to long, it's not
helping anyone if you do that every week.

Engineering should be striving towards excellence, not creating more shit and
more work for everyone.

------
known
[http://www.globalrichlist.com/](http://www.globalrichlist.com/)

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k0t0n0
-2/10 :/

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tempodox
What definition of success do you use?

