

Just relocated, hating it - ropeadope

Well, I tool the plunge and moved to CA. I thought it was what I wanted and that it would be border-line magical. I've only been out here for about 2 months, but every day I basically force myself to not pack up my stuff and drive 1500 miles back home.<p>I've got a neat programming job out here, and I live in a pretty cool area, but I feel like my perceptions of what it was like to be out here were wrong. I feel like I was better off back home. I was definitely more productive in terms of creating my own projects, etc. I think I'm just severely homesick and now pretty depressed.<p>Anyone else go through this that moved out here to pursue your dreams? Do you think 2 months is enough time for me to be like "ok I hate it I'm movig back"?
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Eddk
Some of us moved from entirely different continents, leaving friends and
family behind...hang in there, that is how you grow as a person... 2 months a
definitely too short a time to make that determination..it seems you are just
homesick which is not a valid reason to want to go back home, if there are
other problems then maybe, but homesickness by itself would be a childish
reason to run back home... Join a meetup group, join okcupid and look for
dates (saying you're new to the area is an easy way to get dates)...definitely
don't lock yourself in the house programming, it wont help, get out and meet
people.

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CyberFonic
Could you tell use what exactly you hate about CA and where you are?

I have made a couple of big moves, including to another country and each time
there were "I'm so homesick, maybe I should just pack up and go home." times,
just like yours. And reality often panned out very differently to the dreams
but for the better in the long run.

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olegious
Completely agree with your question- we can't help you until you tell us what
exactly you're hating about CA and where are you living...

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romanbea
An Australian roommate once told me you need 9 months to really feel like you
have lived in whatever location you have found yourself.

You need to give it time if you want to give it a fair shot. Two months is not
adequate.

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cydonian_monk
Sometimes learning to enjoy (or endure) a new place is as simple as finding
like-minded people to hang out with. Find some other ex-pats like yourself and
meetup every now and then. Just being around people that think like you and
have similar experiences will soften the culture shock.

I went through similar thoughts and feelings when I moved to Houston from
semi-rural Appalachia. (Except I've had no desire to ever move back, just
further away.) Most of the early friends I made here weren't from Houston, or
even from the United States. That wasn't by accident.

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rrhoover
Do you play any sports? Consider looking for a team on craiglist. Hell, join a
dodgeball team if you're into it (and who doesn't love dodgeball!?):
<http://www.meetup.com/dodgeball-250/>

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andymoe
What city did you move to specifically? And no, two months is not enough time.

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Mz
I got married at age 19 to a guy who only wanted to be career military. I had
lived in the same house from the age of three and couldn't go anywhere in town
without running into someone I knew. I graduated high school with folks I went
to kindergarten with. The first duty station was very, very hard for me. We
were there 18 months and I probably hated every minute of it. The second duty
station was also difficult, especially at first. It took me some time to
adapt. Eventually, I was more hot to trot to see what our next duty station
would be than he was. But I was quite slow to adapt.

These days, my life is pretty portable. I don't own much stuff, my adult sons
still live with me and none of us have plans to part ways any time soon, and a
lot of my social activity and hobbies and such are online/on a computer. When
I go someplace new, one of my biggest concerns is what is the food like and
where can I get what I need in that regard? Some special items I order online.
My ex husband was a gamer and when we first hit a new town one of the first
things he did was try to find a gaming group in order to have a social outlet.

While I was still a military wife, when we moved, we would start making our
"to see and do" list before we got to the new duty station and every long
weekend was spent seeing local tourist stuff. I've read (and noticed) that a
lot of folks don't go see local museums and the like but will travel elsewhere
to go see stuff like that. I don't get that mentality.

You might try to figure out what you are "homesick" for. You might make a list
of personal needs and what is being met and what isn't. You might try writing
down what you expected of Cali and why you feel it isn't living up to those
expectations. You might try setting a target date and decide that you will
make a decision at that time and will just stay put until then and not decide
before then (this last one is an approach that has stood me in good stead on
many occasions).

I liked Cali when I was out there. But I had already made a few moves by then.
We were in Cali the last two duty stations of our marriage and divorced out
there. I was there about 7 years, part of it in Southern Cali and part in The
Bay Area. But, again, our first duty station bombed with me and it took me
several years to realize it wasn't Texas' fault that I was so miserable there
and to finally "forgive" the state of Texas.

Good luck with this.

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killbot5000
I did this exact same thing as well and am in a similar situation.

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petervandijck
Give it 2 years.

