

Ask HN: how would you help a person to choose an occupation? - snitko

This isn't an abstract problem: I have a very close person in my life, who's 25 and he does not have specific skills. He works in the office as an HR, hates his job and wants to change his life. We agreed, that he will quit his job (having enough savings) soon after we choose what is he going to learn to do in life. The problem is, he does not really know what could that be and feels completely lost.<p>I would like to help him very much, not just seem like I'm helping. So, I decided it would be not such a bad idea to come up with a certain algorithm (which, possibly was used before or could be reused in future for others). While I believe certain personal aspects should be involved when helping to make such a decision, I still can't get rid of an impression there should be some general abstract patterns of which I'm not aware.<p>What would you do? Any ideas or suggestions?
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run4yourlives
You can't do anything.

I know that's not the answer you want to hear, but it's the correct answer.
People aren't truly happy until they are following a passion. For many people,
passion isn't profitable; or at least not as profitable as they feel it should
be.

Your friend has a few things to discover. First, the passion. This is step
one. Without this, life will always be a void of meaningless motions. You
can't help here. He must find it on his own. About the only thing you can do
is encourage him to try anything and everything until he finds this passion.
It might take a while. He must not stop until he finds it. If he's wondering
if he's found it, he hasn't.

Once that happens, he has a choice to make. Find a way to turn his passion
into profit, or failing that, find something that he is content doing to
sustain himself so that he can pursue the passion. It isn't often that your
passion is lucrative. In many cases, it actually costs you money. There must
be a "second calling" that he can use to fund the passion. Again, you find
this out by trying many things, and only by _actually trying_ many things.

Most people never find their passion. The things that people asked them they
would be when they grew up are either long forgotten or inconceivable. I will
tell you that they are not - they're simply unrealized. Sure, you may not be
able to play QB for the 49ers, but there are modifications of this passion
that can be expressed. You must follow this lead if you are to be happy.
Passions also change throughout life. I for example, am completely passionate
about my sons. I've gladly supplanted some of my previous passions to spend
more time shaping these two people. We make these choices from time to time in
life, and that's okay.

A personal journey though is exactly that. It's not something that you can
really contribute to aside from encouraging. You in fact must realize that the
journey itself may not align with your own, at least temporarily.

You can't use faith/religion to solve scientific problems, so don't expect to
use math to solve emotional/spiritual ones. Your heart is in the right place,
but this is his path to take.

~~~
snitko
Thanks for your answer. And for the "Passion", it is the word I kept in mind
and wanted to mention instead of occupation.

~~~
run4yourlives
No problem. Just remember that in order to be "found" you must first be
"lost". Meaning that there is going to be a period - perhaps extended - where
he is going to need to bounce from activity to activity, searching for his
path.

Most people do this while they are young, because the older they get, the
harder it becomes. That being said, there is only so much time on this
earth... I don't know about you but I'd prefer to live it in a happy state for
as long as I have left!

------
stonemetal
>hates his job and wants to change his life

Last time I checked there was a difference between your job and your life. If
he hates his job then fine he can change that but if he hates his life(which I
would assume since he wants to change it) then changing jobs is lip stick on a
pig. Perhaps he just needs a new hobby?

>The problem is, he does not really know what could that be and feels
completely lost.

Well when completely lost the first thing to do is stop moving and figure out
where you are. Put together a list of skills everything from tying his shoes
to painting the mona lisa(and perhaps rate them from good to bad). Figure out
how he feels about the skills he does have. Use these to determine things he
finds interesting. Now attempt to do these things in a non commited manner but
with an eye towards doing it professionally(don't play video games and then
say I am going to be a game developer). Be wary of new car smell(something
seems good because it is new and exciting.) Talk to people who actually do it
about their experiences. From here make larger investments in the field:
training, credentials needed etc.

~~~
snitko
When saying _hates his hob_ I actually meant life as well, because a big part
of our lives consist of our work, right? Anyway, I'm pretty sure he does not
need a hobby, he needs a passion. Switching jobs, without knowing what your
passion is, is useless, as it does not make your new job any better than the
previous one.

And thanks for the steps you listed, that's helpful.

~~~
stonemetal
Passion as a job is a funny thing it can kill your passion for something. I
used to program in every spare moment now that I program at work 10+ hrs a
day, my hobby coding has pretty much died on the vine. Passion is good but
beware of to much of a good thing.

~~~
snitko
Yes, that is correct. I'm sure everyone had had this feeling with his job at
least once. But still, somehow we manage to roll this over, right? Like for
example we start our own businesses - to make our passion have a sensible aim,
so that it would matter again. Or maybe just having a timeout helps. Anyway, I
think it's way better to have a passion you're tired of, than not having one
at all.

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charliepark
This might work better for a tech- / web-oriented person, but it's certainly
worth trying. I would encourage him to start a blog, with no set agenda about
what he writes about, but with a goal to write for 30 minutes a day about
whatever he's interested in, or to link to articles / videos / other blog
posts that deal with things he thinks are interesting. Then, after a month, to
look back, and to see what common themes emerge.

It might take some creativity to then morph that into a job, and if he doesn't
have sufficient motivation to explore all of this without your help, there
might be little you can do, but I think your interest in helping him is
commendable, and I hope you're able to help him find a good path.

------
anigbrowl
What does he like to do with his spare money/time? What he enjoys most as a
consumer is a good guide to what he'd like to be working on. Don't be
intimidated, you might have to beat down reasons for why X isn't realistic.
People were telling me what I wanted to do >10 years before I realized it
myself and I didn't believe them.

So maybe he loves golf but he's crap at it, bought a set of clubs once and
they've been gathering dust since. On further inquiry it emerges that what he
really loves is designing imaginary golf courses that would challenge even
Tiger Woods, and he should be pursuing a career in landscaping.

------
pavel_lishin
Can he afford to go back to school?

~~~
snitko
Personally I don't believe that traditional schooling is the best way to learn
anything. Especially if you're 25. I don't like universities, I don't like
being assessed by teachers and I don't encourage positive attitude towards
schooling in others. I know this is controversial point, so please let's not
make a flame out of it.

~~~
pavel_lishin
You have a few good points. Most of the things I learned wasn't from class; it
was in my spare time. I hardly use anything covered in classes in my day to
day work.

However, college was invaluable in making connections, making friends, finding
like-minded people, etc., etc.

Also, whether you believe in it or not, you're not the one who's trying to
find a way out of a rut. Traditional schooling might work for your friend.

