
Being a new dad while working at a startup - jipiboily
https://blog.rainforestqa.com/2014-07-24-startup-dads/
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delmarc
I have 3 kids and about to have one more in a month... people in the tech
world act like its so amazing and different... get over it... no matter if you
work in retail or work in a shitty work/life balance startup, its the same
thing...

Just be thankful we make a bit more then most in the workforce...

~~~
jipiboily
I agree it's not more amazing than someone working anywhere else, but startups
are often seen as non-sense as you need to work 80 hours a week to get shit
done, we were trying to break that a bit and just tell "hey, it's possible,
it's not that hard actually!" :)

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delmarc
Correct the work/life is way offset but what about those people who need to
work two jobs while their partner is also working...

Lets be realistic, its hard no matter what job you have... anything is
possible... its the stigma that is attached to having kids in the tech
industry that is the reason why people need to read posts like this...

~~~
jipiboily
I agree and not, it's easier for some people, and harder for other.

It is definitely harder for people with lower salaries who needs to have two
jobs (I know some!).

It is also easier, at least here in Quebec, for people that works, as an
example, for government. They have a lot of vacations, work less hours per
week, flexible hours, sick days, etc.

I am glad I work @ Rainforest QA and to have so much flexibility, which makes
it easier for me and my wife!

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nkozyra
I'll say this, also, as someone who runs the tech side of a startup and now
has an 8-month old:

Those first few months are _brutal_. Not only was I in a terrible mood, but
work stacked up like nuts. Productivity nosedived and I started earnestly
looking into pharmaceuticals that could reduce my need for sleep (more
"obtaining modafanil" searches in my history than I'd care to admit). And as
much as I hate to admit it, there was a period wherein I felt like the two are
completely incompatible (being a parent and working at a startup).

The last month or so has been a massive reprieve - granted, I'm at a spot now
I'd not have envied a year ago, but compared to operating on 4 hours of sleep
a day for months, I'll take it.

The obvious truth here is it's _still_ about balancing your time. If you want
to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning something
else.

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rayiner
> The obvious truth here is it's still about balancing your time. If you want
> to be a parent and be able to work feverishly, that means abandoning
> something else.

I'll agree with this. Parenting, work, hobbies: pick 2.

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rayiner
> We’re reading a bunch of stuff and like people say, “my baby is sleeping 10
> hours a day, every night.” Nope, that’s really not the case for us. I’m
> expecting that Sara will sleep way better in the next three or four weeks.
> Like hoping to, at least.

Hah! My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle, like clockwork, until
7-8 months. She's 20 months now, and still won't sleep in her crib through the
whole night. My dad once told me that, between my brother and I, he'd wake up
in the middle of the night to check up on a kid for the better part of 10
years.

~~~
guard-of-terra
"My daughter woke up every three hours for a bottle"

I wonder if it's possible to automate night feeding of small children without
waking anybody up. Sounds like a good idea for a startup.

~~~
japhyr
It's exhausting, but it's really not something you want to automate. Whether
through breastfeeding or a bottle, those feedings are pretty important bonding
time.

When my kid was in this stage I'd stumble in and give him a bottle, but I was
always aware that I wouldn't be doing it forever, and someday soon I'd miss
holding his little warm body against my chest every night in the darkness. I
don't miss the exhaustion, but I do look back warmly on that middle-of-the-
night time together.

~~~
guard-of-terra
It's not something you want to automate every single time, but how about half
the most inconvenient nights?

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japhyr
My very non-scientific response: I want me or my wife, or a trusted caregiver
involved in every feeding. When you feed your young baby, you're also checking
them for all kinds of things - no choking, no vomit that needs to be cleaned
up, is their sleep area still safe, etc.

I'm all for automating and using technology to make difficult situations
better, but this is really something where you do want human interaction every
time.

~~~
guard-of-terra
"you feed your young baby, you're also checking them for all kinds of things"

Which you won't check if you happen to have a quiet child that doesn't wake up
during the night.

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wilsonfiifi
My 9 month old son has 45min sleep cycles during the day so that doesn't leave
much time to code after washing and sterilising his bottles and grabbing a
quick bite myself! He doesn't always sleep into the next cycle by himself so I
have to be by his crib to pat him and thats where my new workstation is lol!

But honestly I think being a self employed developer is the best option if you
want to really help out with the upbringing of your kids and avoid getting a
nanny.

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thom
I suppose one of the most relevant things as a geek with a new baby is that
it's _very_ hard to be an introvert with a new family. It takes a lot of work
and co-operation to find the time to be alone and recharge. Obviously it's
really hard being on call 24 hours whoever you are, but I'd love to hear how
other introverts managed once kids arrived!

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jipiboily
Hey, I'm the dad from that blog post, feel free to ask questions :)

~~~
usefulcat
I don't have a question, but I wanted to say that you're very right to guard
your time with your family. For at least the first year of my son's life, I
can't count how many times I'd come home from work and I could see a
difference in him compared to the day before. Maybe not even something I could
quite put my finger on, but I could just tell there was something different
about him. They change and learn so quickly that you could miss a lot in only
a few days, let alone weeks or months.

~~~
lygaret
My six week old daughter recently started to smile at me. Even knowing it's
just mirroring my face, and there's not much in the way of consciousness
there, I could have died happy...

~~~
rikkus
Same here, six week old daughter. Best feeling ever.

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gdubs
We moved, I started working with a new startup, and we had a baby, all since
January. She's four months old now, and I smiled reading this.

I've decided that the single biggest thing to aim for as a new parent is to be
flexible. People will tell you all sorts of things, and you'll have all sorts
of ideas about how things will go, but in the end being flexible and willing
to try new things is key.

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pzaich
As a soon-to-be dad (in the next few weeks), thanks for posting and sharing!

~~~
jipiboily
Gladly, and congrats!!!

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rikkus
One tip I can give: As soon as you start getting closer to a normal number of
hours of sleep, get some exercise. You'll feel so much better.

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guard-of-terra
I hate this children-centrific notion that modern world puts on us. Makes me
be wary of having kids.

When I was a kid of 10, my parents had to work a lot to provide for a family
so naturally I came from school, ate some food and proceed tinkering with my
PC, studyind and reading books. I would certainly not be happier having
helicopter mom or dad around. I didn't have that much appetite for
communication these days.

So naturally I don't understand why everybody is expected to drive children
around and watch them constantly.

Of course this doesn't apply to very small children who I'm in totall loss how
to handle.

~~~
jcromartie
I'm absolutely fine with giving my kids space. That doesn't mean I don't want
to be around to see them, though.

~~~
guard-of-terra
Well, my parents saw enough of me, I don't feel that I missed anything. There
are evenings, there are vacations, all the things. It's just I didn't had a
solid schedule of them helicoptering me daily.

