
Taking care of the elderly in Silicon Valley – a personal story - ceceshao1
https://venturebeat.com/2019/05/03/taking-care-of-the-elderly-in-silicon-valley-a-personal-story/
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ceceshao1
Was a bit surprised to see this piece from VentureBeat (guess that's why they
called it OffBeat). My family has been taking care of my grandmother who has
Alzheimers and Parkinsons and it's taken a tremendous toll on everyone,
especially my father who is the main caretaker.

As someone in tech, it's stories and experiences like this that make me wonder
if we're working towards something that will help those in need or if we're
investing our time/money/energy in the right places. After all, everyone is
going to die so I'm wondering what we can do to alleviate some of the pressure
+ pain from this part of life.

In this vein, if you know of opportunities to help the elderly in NYC, please
let me know. I'm open and willing to spend my evenings and full weekends
helping out however I can. Have reached out to a few senior centers, but most
have not responded, unfortunately...

~~~
onemoresoop
There are services in NYC where you can volunteer to simply talk to lonely
elderly (or play card games or some other activity) in your neighborhood. I
can't provide a link right unfortunately. You have to sign up, they'll verify
you and then they'll connect to some lonely elderly in your area. Loneliness
and isolation is understated.

~~~
phamjamstudio
My wife and I did this as our first date when we first started dating; we're
both Christian if you're wondering why someone would do this on a first date.
Unexpectedly, the lady we were to visit literally lived her last hour before
she passed away before our eyes. We listened and comforted her husband for the
next hour or so. We also listened to the CNA make the difficult calls to her
children, some of which were out of state. It was a somber and humbling
experience. Our seniors need love just as much as we do.

~~~
inferiorhuman
_we 're both Christian if you're wondering why someone would do this on a
first date _

What does both of you identifying as christian have to do with anything? Are
non-christians less likely to do empathetic things?

~~~
wwweston
It's certainly worth knowing that Christianity, like most religious beliefs or
philosophies, does not have a monopoly on empathy, kindness, or service, nor
is its profession a guarantee that someone makes those things a studied part
of their practice.

But the commentor's claims seem limited to Christianity as a motivator for
_their_ behavior, which is hardly objectionable and a very different thing
from your challenge-reading of their words.

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sjg007
This is why mixed use multi generational housing should be developed. You get
a community essentially where people can look after each other. Obviously
memory care and assisted living is a different ball game but you can still
have those facilities in the community as well.

~~~
veritas_veritad
don't you mean "reverted to"?

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pnutjam
My Mother-in-law could never figure out how to use a touchscreen phone.
Getting her own phone line was very difficult and finding a good flip style
phone is getting harder and harder.

I found that many newer models of cordless home phones will bluetooth tether
to a cellphone. This way we could keep her phone plugged in and charged and
she could just use the cordless style phone she was already accustomed to.

~~~
zwieback
I've found that change in general is the problem. My grandma was able to use
her old tube radio no problem but when it broke she never used the newer
stereo, even though she only had to push one button.

30 years later same issue with my mom, she can navigate very complex tasks no
problem but has trouble with anything new, even if it's much "easier" to use.

The trick would be to have new tech perfectly emulate whatever the old
generation grew up with.

~~~
ido
I wonder at what age that typically (if there is a typical experience)
happens?

My mother is in her mid 70s and very far from a techie or tech-interested
(worked in textiles/fashion, never used a computer before the current century
& then first only for making free international calls via Skype as was setup
by us) & slowly but surely adapted to some small variety of new tech
especially after retirement when she had more time on her hand.

She does nothing fancy with it but is e.g. using a modern android phone to
make video calls & send messages via whatsapp, play casual games, etc.

~~~
saltcured
I think your parenthetic comment hints at the truth. There isn't a typical
age, rather a wide age band where individuals may experience different
declines.

With dementia, the descent can seem very rapid. One year, they are functioning
well and adapting, but suddenly you realize they are in deep trouble. For a
while, their adaptive energy may be devoted to covering up deficiencies. So,
when this coping mechanism fails, the struggle suddenly emerges for all to
see.

But, some people may fit the description of "unable to learn new things" long
before that sort of dementia is relevant. They may be depressed, or may have a
prideful personality which avoids the unknown because any trial and error
learning is embarrassing. Frustratingly, it can also be hard to get elders in
this category to go anywhere near a doctor for a better evaluation. And
without a better understanding of what is going on, it can be difficult to
identify an appropriate intervention or care approach.

~~~
zwieback
Agreed. My dad was a physics professor and researcher who started his career
in silicon valley in the 60s. You'd think he'd be interested in computer stuff
but he lost his interest or maybe, like you're saying, finds trial and error
embarrassing.

My mom never went to college but does a lot better with at least basic stuff
like email. Once she was super motivated to find a gift for my kids and
figured out how to buy it on ebay, something I didn't think she'd be able to
do so a lot of it is willingness and motivation.

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yowlingcat
I was having a conversation about this with friends last weekend. Compared to
Asia and Europe, it's really hard to grow elderly in America. America is an
atomized, individualistic society, for better and worse. Aging related
loneliness hits much harder here than elsewhere. It seems that in both the NYC
metro area and SV metro area, it's not great to be elderly, and people don't
treat the elderly very well. This is not the case in Asia where my parents are
from, nor was it the case in the countries in Europe I visited. I guess there
are the notable exceptions in America IE Florida, but I'm not sure if there
are any other places where becoming elderly is remotely pleasant or not
isolating (and I'm making huge assumptions about parts of Florida here).

I don't know if there's an easy solution to this problem. It seems to be a
very deep part of a trade-off made very early on in the development of
America's cultural fabric. I'm not sure if (knock on wood that I ever get
there) I'd want to retire in America. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if the grass
is that much greener elsewhere.

~~~
sandaemc
I'm a Filipino and I can say we do take care of our elderly. Culture and
religion train us to do so.

Often times taking them in to our home. But it's not all colorful. The
Philippines is a third-world country and such there would be conflict in
financial matters but still, Filipinos can take a lot of beating and hardships
before giving up.

I see a lot of Americans retire here with their Filipino wives. Their dollars
are giving them a good buck i.e. nice houses, etc.

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ilamont
_The AARP said in “2019 Tech Trends and the 50+” that 115 million Americans
over 50 represent an enormous market for technology and that by the end of the
next decade this group is projected to spend $84 billion on tech products._

Yet major technology companies continue to make it difficult for seniors to do
simple things, even though they _think_ they're making things easier. The tech
hipsters handling design for FAANG companies should follow around a group of
70-somethings for a week and try to see the world through their eyes ... and
realize that a huge segment of the population is not being served.

~~~
skookumchuck
A short list:

1\. fonts too small

2\. buttons that do different things depending on how long the button is held
down

3\. chording - needing to hold down more than one button simultaneously to do
something

4\. blink speed - slow blink means one thing, fast blink means another. Is
that LED blinking "slow" or "fast"?

5\. labeling buttons with icons that have no deducible meaning

6\. modes

7\. having to do the next step within a certain number of seconds or it fails
and you have to start all over again

~~~
yowlingcat
Reading each one of these made me silently scream inside. I'm not elderly yet
(on the outside, I suppose), but each one of these things is poor UX and makes
me absolutely livid.

~~~
skookumchuck
They're incredibly common. I can't get the radio in my car out of certain
modes I accidentally get into. It doesn't even have an off button. I
essentially have to wait several minutes until it times out.

Many devices I have, once I lose the manual, are simply impossible to use
because of the points listed above. My dashcam is simply impossible to use
because of this, even though it has a bitmapped display. All it needs is
power, menu, up, down, select and with a bitmapped display you can do anything
with that. But noooo...

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wffurr
>> My mother’s housing costs are moving past $6,300 a month

Holy shit. I can't imagine how the author can afford that plus take care of
his family.

~~~
wffurr
"Lead journalist" at VentureBeat must be more lucrative than I thought.

Is this housing cost a Silicon Valley thing? Like rents are completely insane,
so elder housing is also completely insane?

It's not like I live in a cheap city, either. Boston is pretty pricey, but
wow.

~~~
inferiorhuman
I suspect it's a labor thing as much as anything else. My father lived out his
life at home, so I didn't have to deal with assisted living. However, the IRS
is crystal clear that domestic employees are in fact employees subject to all
the things like overtime and UI. California has even more generous overtime
rules, but even just the base pay gets expensive. $20 * 24 * 7 = $3,360 in
base pay per week. Using an agency simplifies things but is usually a bit more
expensive.

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notyouravgdoge
I find it interesting that most of my company perks apply only to the
employee, their spouse or domestic partner, and their children, but not to
their parents or grandparents.

Your "family" could be covered by a great health insurance plan through your
employer, but you wouldn't get any financial assistance on the $6,300 a month
that the author of the article is paying for his elderly mother.

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msie
So many problems would be solved if we could only cure dementia. Just my
observation having taken care of my mom and dad and hanging around a lot in
hospitals.

[Edit] Sorry my comment should have been placed in response to the one comment
about what SV should really be investing in. Imagine if we had companies like
Facebook, Google and Amazon trying to solve dementia rather than get more
revenues through ads.

~~~
magic_beans
Or perhaps allowed compassionate euthanasia in severe cases.

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lgleason
My father lives in a small town in Tennessee where a lot of people have
started to go to retire. A number of neighbors who have moved there in recent
years have been from California trying to escape the high cost of living.

