
See Your Folks - Anon84
http://seeyourfolks.com/
======
cecilpl
This erroneously uses the life expectancy at birth rather than the life
expectancy at <current age> \- a common mistake.

If my parents are 80, I don't expect them to die in 1 year just because life
expectancy at birth is 81. I expect them to live about another 8 years.

Use a table like
[http://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html](http://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html)

~~~
lifeformed
Yeah, if you put in an age older than 81, it just says how much over that
limit they are living. It would be more impactful to see a tiny number of
visits remaining.

------
spodek
Effective site, but I hope the people who found it depressing reconsider their
response.

The site didn't tell you anything you didn't already know, it only clarified
it.

Instead of denying information to keep yourself happy, why not use the
information? My 69-year-old mother remarked earlier this year that if she
didn't get around to some of her life goals soon she wouldn't be able to.

Did she say that out of depression? No, _to live the life she wanted even
more._ She celebrated her 70th birthday bicycle-touring a wine region in
France with my step-father, riding something like one hundred kilometers a
day.

We can all do the same in our ways. In my opinion, awareness trumps denial.

~~~
usaphp
I don't want to nitpick but 100 kilometers a day for a 70 year old, sounds
pretty impossible...thats about 7 hours of non stop riding every day at a
modest speed, even a fit college student won't be able to bike for 7 hours
straight.

Edit: I do agree that a fit student can do a 7 hour bike tour, but i still
staand by my opinion that for 70 year old it seems to be impossible.

~~~
stevoski
Get involved in cycling communities and you realise that this, while not
particularly easy, is not particularly hard either. Especially for spryer-
than-average 70-year-old.

An average unfit person of almost any age, can, within a couple of weeks of
regular riding, achieve 100 km in a day.

~~~
jusben1369
Woooh. An unfit 55 - 70 year old isn't going to do 100km's after a couple of
weeks. They'll blister and cramp out at a minimum even if it's really flat
terrain. However, they could get there in a couple of _months_ with the right
training/dedication.

~~~
precisioncoder
Disagree, hell an unfit person can normally walk 30-40k+ a day and biking is
much easier and faster. Perhaps you're confusing km with miles?

------
sjtgraham
Damn, my dad had a stroke on Saturday night. Thankfully he got very prompt and
first class medical treatment (Thanks NHS. Socialised medicine FTW) so the
damage is fortunately very limited. I'm actually on my way to the hospital to
see him now.

This is a great reminder to pick up the phone and tell your folks or anyone
that matters to you that you love them. Everyone reading this should do that
now if they can. You never know when it will be too late and you don't want
those regrets.

~~~
nickbaum
So true. My wife's dad passed away when she was in college. No one knows how
long their parents will be around.

I'm very lucky, my dad is 83 years old and doing great. The past few times
I've gone to visit my parents, I've made a conscious effort to ask them a lot
of questions about their life, and it's been incredibly rewarding.

One thing led to another and now helping people record their family stories is
what I do for a living ([http://www.storyworth.com](http://www.storyworth.com)
if you want to check it out).

[edited to linkify]

------
krmmalik
Please understand I don't mean to discredit your site in any way and what I'm
about to say below is no reflection in your commitment.

But this is a good opportunity for me to make an important point regards a
discussion that took place here a few days ago.

You see - This website serves no purpose in the East or Eastern ethnic
minorities.

It's not part of our culture to lose contact with our parents. I saw my
parents on the weekend, my wife saw hers and we both spoke to our parents
today on the phone. We live 3hrs away.

I'm 33 yrs old. I've never not spoken to my parents for more than 14 days ever
in my life.

Why am I telling you this?

Because in the last discussion that took place - the rant about culture in
India, many commented that people need to get more mature but what they dont
realise that its culture holding them back

Your website proves my point.

Context:
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6546587](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6546587)

~~~
GFischer
Many South American / Mediterranean / Latin cultures also value family a lot
(the U.S. has the stereotype of Italians: people of Spanish and Greek descent
too).

I visit my family every single weekend. No exception. And that includes my
uncles, cousins and grandparents when they were alive.

I guess that for our cultures, family is a very important part of our lives, a
safety net, etc... The average American is very individualistic in comparison
(it's not meant to be negative - the very same traits mean Americans are more
self-reliant and adventurous)

~~~
aestra
Family is important to me, even extended family (cousins, uncles, aunts) but I
don't have the luxury of being able to visit nearly as much as I would like. I
live too far away from the lot of them and some more are spaced out all over
the country anyways. Factors out of my control prevent me from living anywhere
else in the world.

------
nostromo
If you are 25 this is how many weeks you have left to live:

[http://i.imgur.com/MA3YeuX.jpg](http://i.imgur.com/MA3YeuX.jpg)

~~~
hedgehog
If you like that you may find this interesting:

[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/3568125/clock.html](https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/3568125/clock.html)

~~~
bazzargh
Arf! That can't handle people older than the Unix epoch. Unsure whether to
consider this a bug in the code or in me.

Never mind, I'll just head for the Carrousel.

~~~
hedgehog
Good find, in what browser?

------
pdeshpande
It made me sad because it makes me realize I have no control over the fact
that they are growing old.

Instead, what would be nice is if provided information such as: ask your
father to go for a prostrate exam, ask your mother to run these other tests,
and so on - based on the country, age and perhaps race data (which is not
collected right now).

The website is nice and intuitive.

~~~
cylinder
Makes me sad because I don't have much control over living in the same city as
them.

I have a theory that much of the high rates of depression and unhappiness in
the US can be attributed to the large size of the country combined with our
mobility within it. Childhood friends always move far away, families separate,
your schoolmates drift away. You need 2-5 hour flights to see anyone. Take for
example a Brit or a German. The people you grow up with and your families
might move to another city, but they are always just a reasonable train ride
or drive away. It's quite isolating when you realize everyone you're close
with is spread across a continent.

~~~
thenomad
_" Take for example a Brit or a German. The people you grow up with and your
families might move to another city, but they are always just a reasonable
train ride or drive away."_

Not that reasonable.

I'm a Brit, living in Scotland. Many, many of my friends live either 5-and-a-
bit hours' train ride away (London) or 7-8 hours by train or car away
(Bristol).

~~~
scott_karana
Contrast that with the distance between Southern California and Maine... a
day-trip by land for you would be a multi-day monstrosity for an American. :(

~~~
thenomad
I was contrasting with the parent comment, which was lamenting 2-5 hour
flights - almost exactly the same travel time that I'll need to see my more
distant friends.

I do agree that I wouldn't want to do a US-style road trip to visit people!

------
chris_mahan
I'm going to Japan in 2 months, for 2 weeks, to see my wife's parents in
Japan. (I live in Los Angeles.) They are getting up in years and their health
is declining so this will probably be the last time we see her dad, and maybe
her mom too. The trip will cost $6,000 minimum for the 3 of us to go. My
father lives in Texas, and we went this spring. That cost $2,000. Next summer,
we may go to France for a couple of weeks to see my mom and a bunch of other
relatives. That will cost another $6,000, at least. So, at a minimum, we'll
spend at least $14,000 in the space of 15 months to see relatives. Can't do
that every year, or even every other year and hope to fund our retirement and
my son's college fund.

~~~
_random_
Wow, did not know that domestic US flights cost that much. I hope you earn
well above 100k!

~~~
chris_mahan
I do, and domestic flights for 3 people cost that much, and that includes the
car rental, gas, parking, baggage fees. Luckily I did not have to pay for a
motel, and dining out three times a day or the trip to Texas would have cost
more than $3K.

------
chanux
Talking to dad
[http://www.fumboo.com/dadcomic700.jpg](http://www.fumboo.com/dadcomic700.jpg)

~~~
markbao
That was really something. Thank you for that.

------
yetanotherphd
Why is it that when it comes to this issue people feel completely comfortable
with telling other people how to live their lives?

Wanting to spend more time with your parent's isn't a moral absolute. It's a
social pressure that has proved hardier than going to church or getting
married while you are still fertile.

~~~
tehwebguy
It's not really telling you what to do, per se.

The point isn't that you must spend time with them, it's that if you want to
you should know how much time you have (or don't).

~~~
yetanotherphd
Yes, but there is a certain implication (e.g. the name of the website)

------
Who828
“They didn’t understand me”, “I wish I had done this in the past”, “I wish I
had someone to guide me towards my interest”, “I hope I become successful in
the future”, “I hope become a millionaire”

Our ambition, our regrets have made us distant from the now and the present.
We are not satisfied with it, how can we? We have our own expectations and
dreams to achieve in life. So we run from the present, we live like we have a
millennia more. We believe that our parents will always be there when we have
time. So we don’t go meet them on holidays, we rarely talk to them over the
phone. When we meet them we are obsessed with our future, never paying
attention to their stories. Never really looking into their eyes. After all,
Facebook and Twitter is way more interesting then old people’s talk.

And one day you will catch the train (success, fame, money or whatever it is)
but you realise that there is no one on the other side, that you are all
alone. It feels empty, it feels incomplete. That you have an entire life to go
through now.

Don’t let that happen, go to their place. Talk to them over the phone (at
least once a week). When you meet them, turn off your smartphone. Look at them
in the eye and listen to their stories. You will find out that they need you
as much as you needed them in the past.

Life is not all about fame and achievements, it’s about the people (Family,
friends, etc). And whatever insignificant time we have on this planet, it’s
better spent together in the present.

~~~
enriavc
Thank you for verbalizing this. It is exactly how I feel right now.

------
DanBC
This is a cool little website. Both my parents are dead, but I appreciate the
thought behind it.

It's interesting that it sticks to a mother and father. A number of families
are moving into more complex arrangements - 2 fathers, or 2 mothers, or step
parents, or single parents, or etc etc. (I'm not complaining, just
commenting.) I guess it shows that people know who they consider to be
parents.

------
Crake
It's really weird reading the comments here. I guess I'm jealous of people who
have parents worth seeing.

I haven't seen my mother in well over half a decade, and am much healthier for
it.

------
slig
Is this open source? Maybe someone should fork and change to something with a
different thematic:

"Where do your in-laws live?"

"On average how many times do you see your in-laws a year?"

/jk

------
beshrkayali
This is terrible... it makes it horrible for people in difficult situations.

~~~
ecopoesis
Change your situation. We luckily live in an age of jet planes and video
phones. It has never been easier to stay connected to people.

~~~
icandownvote
We also live in an age of visas, rogue governments holding your
(expir{ing|ed}) passport for ransom for stupid things like compulsory military
service. Not everybody can change that part of the situation.

------
lucb1e
What is "(Holland, Europe)" doing behind "Netherlands"? Which, by the way, is
The Netherlands. Why are we the only one with an _incorrect_ postfix? Holland
are two provinces where the government reside; it's like putting "Île-de-
France" behind "France". Like all Frenchmen outside of that region, I don't
identify as a citizen of Holland at all.

------
hawkharris
This is a great example of how even the simplest programming projects can
inspire people by tapping into emotion and being aware of their audience.

~~~
angersock
The MVP targeted orphans.

~~~
mr_luc
Oh, man. Oh man.

I'm sorry that this comment doesn't add much to the discussion, HN.

But I laughed very, very hard at that.

------
Argorak
My parents are divorced. I cannot fill this form properly.

~~~
nostrademons
My father is deceased. I also cannot fill in this form properly.

~~~
svachalek
You can leave one blank. It worked for me.

------
audiodude
I'm depressed I have to see them that many more times....

~~~
benched
I'm glad there's at least one person who doesn't immediately get all profound
over the oft-trotted theme of 'spend time with the loved ones'. I'm also glad
it isn't _everyone_ ; but I am glad there is one.

The rest of you: yes, it's also very nice that you're all nice, soft humans
with good families.

------
Samuel_Michon
This is great, regardless of whether the math is correct. I don’t share much
on Facebook, but this, this I shared. It may seem sappy to some, but I find it
to be a community service.

My situation: I’m 33 years old and I live in the same city as my parents do.
My mom is 65 years old, my dad is 69 years old. I visit my parents about once
a week.

According to this test, I can expect to see my parents another 700 times
before they pass. That may look like a large number, for me it is sobering. My
dad has heart problems (he had an angioplasty and a stent placed last year,
some incidents after, and he had a pace maker installed this year). I’m not
sure whether I get to see him another 700 times at the rate that I visit him
now. I will certainly increase the rate of my visits.

~~~
lux
I'm 32 and live in a different province from my family and I only see them for
a week or so a year (this past year I got to see them three times :). Seeing
28.5 show up on there was painful.

I hope we both get to surpass these numbers :)

~~~
nickbaum
I'm in the same situation, I live in San Francisco and my parents are in
France. I see my parents a couple of times a year.

You might be interested in trying my service
[http://www.StoryWorth.com](http://www.StoryWorth.com). It helps people record
their family stories, and we often end up talking about my parents' stories
during our weekly phone calls.

[edited to linkify]

------
Jemaclus
I wouldn't share this with anyone. Ugh. Now I need to move back across the
country...

~~~
alexdevkar
I did not expect to have my spirit crushed on HN this morning. Need to call my
parents.

------
irollboozers
Great hackathon project :) This is the kind of thing tech can easily do that
is much better than social mobile video for dogs.

------
jedanbik
This assumes number_of_parents = 2. This also assumes class.parents() =
{female_mother, male_father}. Maybe that's just a little too much
heteronormativity for the year 2013?

A more generalized version that produces See Your Folks calculations for
people by gender, age, and frequency of visit would be appreciated by folks
like me that have complicated family dynamics. Hell, maybe I don't want to see
my folks, maybe I just know how often I should see my friend that moved to the
EU!

Relevant reading:

Gay marriage: the database engineering perspective --
[http://qntm.org/gay](http://qntm.org/gay)

------
aswath87
Similar. Live your dreams
[http://liveconsciously.me/](http://liveconsciously.me/)

------
0003
It would be nice if you could incorporate expectation of years of life left at
given age instead of defaulting to state the years lived past their expected
life. Does the WHO data have this? For example, see rightmost column here
[http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/Revised_Tables_2008.pdf](http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/Revised_Tables_2008.pdf)
.

------
yodsanklai
Rather pointless in my opinion.

First they make the wrong assumption that the most we see our parents the
happier we are.

In any case, I don't think it makes a big difference for people to see their
parents 500 or 700 times before they die. Especially if they don't get along
with them, they should see each other as little as possible.

My parents died a while ago and while I miss them, I don't regret that i
didn't see them enough.

------
dmlorenzetti
Small bit of feedback, in case the devs are reading.

The site is needlessly vague about what it's going to show me. What are "my
results", and will they be compelling enough for me to send personal
information to somebody I don't know?

Coming to this site cold, with no expectations, I had no desire to enter my
parents' ages, to tell you where they live, or to tell you how often I see
them.

------
curiouslurker
I am not sure I appreciate this kind of thing but it is interesting
nevertheless. My folks have lived 4.5 years beyond the expected life
expectancy for my country! By the way, the app needs to handle this case
gracefully: I am a foreigner in the US so I see my folks less than once a
year. I tried putting in 1/3 but looks like the lowest number it can handle is
1.

~~~
Pxtl
> I tried putting in 1/3 but looks like the lowest number it can handle is 1.

It also fails to handle the case where your parents don't live together and
therefore you see them at different intervals, or are already dead. But
obviously this is a throwaway thing and doesn't really merit overthinking.

------
nocman
One thing this does not take into account -- seeing your parents in person is
not the only interaction that is meaningful. Yes, I agree that seeing them in
person is a good thing to do, but for some people that is difficult to do, and
very often it is not because of a lack of dilligence on the child's part.

So send your folks a long letter or email. Call them on the phone. There is no
need to feel guilty because you can only see them X times a year -- for some
that is just a fact of life. Phone calls, emails, letters all have meaning.
Letters and emails can be read multiple times (and often are). You want to
really show your parents you care? Write one or both of them a poem or a song.
If you have no skill in that area, write a long heartfelt letter. I wrote one
of those letters to my dad years ago and he kept it forever.

It is good to remember that life is short and to use your time wisely.
Remember the things that are important. But personal visits aren't the only
way to do something about it.

------
thrillzone
Similar to the question "Do you want to know when exactly you are going to
die?"

I think I'd prefer not to have checked this out.

------
evanlivingston
One of the great things about working remotely is the ability to spend time
with folks. I moved out to SF to be where the sun shines but recently my
father became ill. I'm now spending lots and lots of time in a small town in
the Midwest sharing moments with my father, which is the most important thing
to me at this moment.

------
tghw
Randall Munroe wrote a python script with actuarial data in it. Give a list of
age and sex and it will tell you when deaths would be expected.

[http://blog.xkcd.com/2012/07/12/a-morbid-python-
script/](http://blog.xkcd.com/2012/07/12/a-morbid-python-script/)

------
thebiglebrewski
Oh my god, this is horrifying

------
sidcool
I am happy that this sort of condition is relatively rare in India, from where
I hail. Most of us stay with parents and share homes and love. In fact,
staying away from parents never even occurred to me before I came in touch
with the Western culture that derides staying with parents. At first it seemed
rather selfish to me that kids abandon their parents, almost like what happens
in the animal kingdom. But later I realized that it's a cultural thing. And
there's no judgement passing on either.

The only sad thing is that in India, if you abandon your abusive parents, it's
looked down upon. In the West, if you stay with your angel like parents it's
still derided. Hope this changes both ways.

------
cgrusden
Loosely based off of the "1,000 marbles" story. If you want to enjoy your life
more, read this story and then go buy a jar of marbles :)

[http://www.motivation123.com/news108.txt](http://www.motivation123.com/news108.txt)

------
utunga
Realise it was thrown together in a day but didn't especially like 'the feels'
I got from being told that I would see my Dad, who has already died, 572 more
times before he passes on.

------
_random_
Does spending two weeks together constitute one "seeing"? How many weekly
Skype sessions constitute one "seeing"?

Cheer-up folks! It's not like we are all soldiers during First World War.

------
LastZactionHero
Seems like a wasted opportunity for a Kayak.com affiliate bonus...

------
lchitnis
A reminder is good, but an entire website for this purpose alone - with data
culled from the WHO? And four people to create it?? Is there any other purpose
of the site other than to remind us that our aged parents are nearer to their
graves? I tried to find the site pithy but it was equal parts depressing,
simplistic and oddly cute. I looked around for other stuff to click on, but
there was nothing. Am I missing something?

------
6d0debc071
I love my parents, but the knowledge that I'll only see them another ninety
times... there's only so much hearing them my mother talk about her life or
watching my father sit in front of the TV that I can take.

I'd prefer to have 90 days of goodness than 300 days of meh, you know? There's
only a certain amount of content you can share in a given relationship.

------
mfontani
17.5 times?!

Comes with living abroad and away from the family, sure, but _grim_. I should
visit them more often than once a year.

------
dlsym
Great. Now I'm depressed. :-/

------
npras87
I'm going to send out good old postcards to my folks every week. And seriously
think about making a living, living close by them.

Somebody made [http://pigeonpic.com](http://pigeonpic.com) just for this kind
of scattered families.

------
_lex
This so so mean. I've got 6 more times left. Now I'm buying ticket home for
xmas.

------
Avalaxy
There is a (imho) very emotional song about this:
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s5r2spPJ8g](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s5r2spPJ8g)

I really love the text, it's so beautiful when you get towards the end.

~~~
erbo
Remade in the 90's by a Santa Barbara alternative band:
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B32yjbCSVpU](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B32yjbCSVpU)

A little harder-rocking, but no less emotional.

------
SG-
Just remember there's a good chance one of your parents will die a lot sooner
than you or this site actually estimates.

My dad passed away rather quickly fighting cancer back when I was 25, he only
got an extra 2 years after he found out.

------
Jakob
There is a comic I really like from Abstruse Goose about the same topic: 936
Little Blops [http://abstrusegoose.com/51](http://abstrusegoose.com/51)

------
hadem
This was very depressing.

------
MadMaddie
I didn't even dare to put my details in. I'm a constant worrier and have
always had existential issues, so this website doesn't do me any good. We are
all different.

------
armini
I love websites like this, they are a constant reminder that you and those
around you are not mortals. Others might also like www.aznoe.com its on the
same lines as this...

------
scottcanoni
My mom has already passed away. I can't use this site :(

------
ColinWright
All I get is:

    
    
        Oops...something went wrong.

~~~
smatt
Yikes, better call your parents.

------
Nux
This web site makes me sad.

A much lesser problem, it doesn't work in Opera Mini, would be nice if it did,
many of my friends are using it.

------
Spien
I have to put a number greater then 0... That number (and the statistics they
are likely collecting) should even be lower.

------
fatbat
Inspiring. I actually have a shelved project that is somewhat similar but for
marriage + life, etc.

I think I will continue that now!

------
juanuys
It said I'll see my folks 0.8 times before they die. Does that mean they'll
die while I visit?

------
Sikul
Feels bad man.

------
superpaow
Morbidly amusing results when you select Ethiopia (or any developing country
really) as the country

------
ldn_tech_exec1
Not trying to be funny, but FaceTime has made a real difference to peoples'
lives here

------
josephjrobison
Scary and encouraging! Thankfully I'm an hour away, so there's a way to fix
that

------
Pxtl
Am I the only one who guessed what this was going to be about when I saw the
questions?

~~~
stevewilber
No, I bailed out when I got to the third question. I appreciate the intention
behind this though.

------
ronaldsvilcins
This sh*t makes me really sad...

------
killertypo
annnnnnd that was depressing.

------
cubitesystems
I don't know. This was really f __ __ __depressing.

------
brentm
That was about the exact opposite of an enjoyable experience.

------
donohoe
It says I'll see them 6 more times.

Very little I can do to change that.

------
borplk
This kinda depressed me a lot more than I was expecting :|

------
irishloop
Ha! Joke's on you, my Mom died this summer.

Oh. Right. :-\

------
stoic
My parents are dead, you insensitive clods

------
ivanbrussik
morbid

------
ratsimihah
Truth hurts.

------
zubieta
:0|

------
madaxe
Why is 0 not a valid input? I mean, I know it makes it somewhat pointless to
even fill in if one never sees ones parents, but either way, 0 _is_ a valid,
if sad, answer.

~~~
namenotrequired
I like that it still has the source in it as if they told the website to not
accept 0 :)

 _You need to input a number larger than 0.

Source: World Health Organisation Life Expectancy Data (2011)._

------
AsymetricCom
My parents are deeaaaaaaad!

