
The power of lonely: What we do better without other people around - visopsys
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2011/03/06/the_power_of_lonely/?page=full
======
Xcelerate
As someone who spends a good deal of time alone because I enjoy solitary
pursuits, I disagree with the article when it claims that alone time is a form
of "liberation", "freedom", and gaining "control". It's been my experience
that people who use terms like these to describe their solitude don't actually
really enjoy it much at all and tend to only seek this alone time as a
manifestation of an avoidant personality. In other words, they don't feel
happy during this time by themselves, but they seek it as a way to demonstrate
autonomy within their life. They like the _idea_ of being alone, but not the
alone time itself.

On the other hand, people who describe their alone time as "relaxing",
"exciting", or "interesting" truly seem to enjoy that period without social
interaction.

~~~
mikestew
That's pretty insightful. What I hear you saying, and I agree with what I
hear, is that some look at alone time as a means of accomplishing a goal
(freedom, et. al.) rather than pursing the solitary activity. Contrast that
with myself (and I gather you as well) where I pursue a solitary activity for
the sake of the activity, and the solitude is a side effect.

When I'm riding a motorcycle to a far away destination or running a trail on
some mountain, I'm doing it to ride a motorcycle or to go for a run. I don't
mind being alone, most likely even enjoy it, but that's not what I'm out there
for. The exception could be sitting on a meditation cushion, but to me
aloneness (EDIT: in the case of meditation) is more of a requirement than a
goal.

With all that said, I do have a teensy nit to pick with the title: alone !=
lonely. Sometimes the two intersect, but not as a rule.

~~~
Swizec
As a raging introvert who is also a bit of an extrovert at times - yes and no.

Sometimes I take up a solitary activity that I don't enjoy quite that much
just for the sake of being alone. Going for a run in the morning somehow feels
less weird than just sitting in my room staring at the wall. It also gets me
away from the internet.

Now I _could_ just be alone and away from the internet. But the mind is
hyperactive and it craves distraction. That's when you have to trick it into
accepting aloneness and nointernetness by giving it something better to do. Or
simply forcing it to accept its fate.

~~~
mikestew
> Going for a run in the morning somehow feels less weird than just sitting in
> my room staring at the wall.

It's all about branding. In most settings, yeah, it'd be labelled as weird.
But if we call "sitting and staring at the wall" something like "meditation"
it becomes all cool and esoteric. :-) (I say this as one who spends at least
30 minutes a day sitting and staring at a wall.)

Point taken, though. I guess I have enough solitary activities that I
regularly partake in that I never gave thought to those that might need to
actively seek out such activities.

~~~
Swizec
> I guess I have enough solitary activities that I regularly partake in that I
> never gave thought to those that might need to actively seek out such
> activities.

I actually have to remind myself to partake in activities that involve other
people (unless I'm currently working for a client on site). The bigger issue
is true aloneness without that pesky internet. It's a powerful addiction.

Honestly, I feel more alone when I'm in the gym actively boxing with people
than I do sitting at home where I can't help but check my messages ever couple
of minutes.

------
a_bonobo
Interesting side note on the history of the US Forest Service and its interest
in the study of loneliness:

In the 1930s and 1940s (and probably later, too) the US Forest Service
employed something like fire-watchers, men who would hike out on their own
with little equipment into the forests to their station, which was a single
fire lookout tower in the wilderness [1].

There they would sit on their own and scan the horizon for fires until their
replacement arrived, usually after a few months. If they would see smoke, they
had to walk (again, on their own) to the smoke and try to put out the fire
with the little equipment they had.

If they couldn't put out the fire they had to go get help - quite an
undertaking since the towers often were not connected to any telephone
network.

Norman Borlaug, the father of the green revolution, did exactly that to
support his BSc in forestry from 1935 to 1938, always sitting alone in the
forest, usually not seeing anyone for months at a time.

Source: Vietmeyer's 'Our Daily Bread, The Essential Norman Borlaug'

[1]
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_lookout_tower](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_lookout_tower)

~~~
a_bonobo
Well, today I learned that the US government rents out these fire lookout
towers to campers:

[http://www.fs.usda.gov/detail/r2/recreation/?cid=stelprdb534...](http://www.fs.usda.gov/detail/r2/recreation/?cid=stelprdb5342115)

Now I want to travel to the US.

------
jqm
I don't know about everyone else, but I do my best work alone. Of course,
there does need to be a balance, and reference to others, and having others
show up to confirm or criticize the work helps.

Personally I think there is way to much "social" stuff going on in our society
and this is detrimental to real work and innovation taking place. But then
again, the choice between bad company and no company is often real the
dilemma, and the logical pick is a no-brainer in my opinion.

~~~
drbawb
>and having others show up to confirm or criticize the work helps.

I actually had a rather interesting experience last night where an "outsider's
perspective" ended up being the exact insight I needed.

My roommate stepped outside to socialize with me while I was repairing my
Mustang: which has been having intermittent ignition problems since we
replaced the ignition control module 6 months ago.

\---

To set the stage: this module bolts to a plate on the intake manifold. One of
the bolts is used as an electrical ground. Unfortunately we had broken this
bolt in removing the original module.

Furthermore the back of the unit uses the manifold as a sort of heatsink. So
that missing bolt was preventing good thermal conductivity as well!

We had come up with temporary measures to restore the ground -- but clearly
these measures were inadequate.

The factory mount is in a very inaccessible spot: there's simply not enough
room to drill out the remains of an automotive grade bolt and re-tap the hole.

A friend and I had fabricated a "mounting adapter" and were toying with the
idea of remote mounting the module. However we couldn't find a suitable spot
on the car that would provide a clean electrical ground. (Without stressing
the factory wiring harness.)

My roommate, a machinist and most certainly not a car guy, points to a flat
surface and asks if it's "solid enough" to bolt the adapter plate to.

What he had pointed to was the power steering pump. Which for obvious reasons
we could not drill into.

\---

However that suggestion ended up being the catalyst I needed to solve the
problem. It was as if the whole engine bay became a puzzle.

You see: power steering pumps are made to be removed far more frequently than
an intake manifold.

Initially I had thought the only way to repair the factory mount was to remove
the intake manifold, which is an arduous task that involves removing many
delicate assemblies for emissions and fueling.

Removing the power steering pump, though, was a considerably easier task! This
would open up plenty of room in the engine bay; we could even use a typical
cordless drill.

\---

Inspiration sometimes comes from the oddest places.

How to act on the proper solution (repairing the factory mounting plate) had
eluded me for six months.

An absolutely bonkers suggestion ended up leading me down a much simpler path
to success.

~~~
kleer001
Reminds me of the rubber duck debugging, only tangentially, but in the same
spirit.

~~~
drbawb
I'm surprised how effective this sort of 'debugging' can be. I'd love to know
more about the mechanisms which make this sort of "verbal problem solving"
tick.

I wonder if it's as simple as mapping the problem onto parts of your brain
which aren't often tasked with this type of critical thinking.

------
casca
Anecdotally, most people I know do better with a mix of social and alone time.
Given that it's now possible to almost never be conscious and effectively
alone, it will be interesting to see the long term mental health impact.

Also, being alone is clearly so distressing to many people that they would
rather shock themselves than be alone - [http://news.sciencemag.org/brain-
behavior/2014/07/people-wou...](http://news.sciencemag.org/brain-
behavior/2014/07/people-would-rather-be-electrically-shocked-left-alone-their-
thoughts)

~~~
precisioncoder
It's an interesting article but I feel like the study draws the completely
wrong conclusion. I would draw the conclusion that humans when offered an
experiment they have control of that offers a new or interesting experience
will participate even if it causes them pain. If I participated in the
experiment I would definitely shock myself since I've rarely been shocked in
the situation, then I might spend the rest of the time analyzing my behavior
and trying to see the influence of evolutionary drives as a motivator and
enjoy that even more. It's basically the same thing as putting ANY button in a
room with the warning "Do not press this button".

~~~
icebraining
It wasn't new by the time they sat in the room: they had already been shocked
and all had said they were willing to pay money to avoid being shocked again.

------
insky
Just a side note, as someone that works at home a lot, physically by myself.
Others can treat you with suspicion.

A few neighbours have colluded and perceive me to be a monster. I am male, and
my partner (female) travels to work. I think they just don't get self-
employment / working from home, and what looks like a role reversal.

I'm quite a friendly guy but their hostility (they have been quite mean) is
starting to make me feel isolated and quite unwelcome in my own house and
garden. When I'm actually quite happy to be on my own (providing I have enough
external stimulous).

------
qwerta
I think we should define 'being lonely' better. At age of internet, computer
games and social network it is very relative. Perhaps better term is
'distraction free environment'.

~~~
dm2
"solitude" might be more appropriate.

------
cwt
First, is there a tl;dr version of the article?

To me it seems that the balance of social and alone should be to result in
inner peace. This is to ultimately increase productivity in doing what you
find satisfying in life.

I write code a lot at work and we plan it out in a group then move our own
ways to write it with occasional instant messaging about this or that. But
sometimes when I am writing I can't focus or have trouble getting myself into
the problem. And from there I find that reading or talking to someone at the
office can help put me at peace and ultimately help me focus on the work I
have to do.

Like right now I am at work and writing this - I have a task to do to document
some things but I hardly remember them and I need to do something that is
going to interest me. Am I alone while doing this? Well, sure, I am available
for other people to approach but I am not trying to talk to anyone.

I think the term alone is relative to our sense of privacy. If I was in a room
with the door closed would I feel more alone than if I am sitting in an open
office? Probably. But if I can get to a peaceful state it will probably
produce similar results in my work ethic/productivity.

------
rhema
I'm going to plug my related research on Pinterest.
[http://ecologylab.net/research/publications/everyday_ideatio...](http://ecologylab.net/research/publications/everyday_ideation_pinterest.pdf)
[http://dl.acm.org/citation.cfm?id=2557273](http://dl.acm.org/citation.cfm?id=2557273)

One interesting thing about Pinterest users is that they feel "alone" and
unwatched, even though actions are public. In Teresa Amabile's concept of
creativity, anticipating an evaluation can be detrimental to creativity.

~~~
nreece
I wonder if the same may hold true for other public networks like Twitter,
Instagram etc., although [unlike Pinterest] they have a higher abandonment
rate.

~~~
rhema
In the paper, Pinterest users say social networks like Twitter and Facebook
are for promoting one's self to others.

~~~
mattgreenrocks
This is a taboo thing to say, because social media implies connection (however
weak).

I limit my use of Twitter/FB for this reason alone. It becomes nauseating to
constantly consume a stream of self-promotional blurbs.

------
alashley
I think when people emphasize their ability to spend an inordinate amount of
time alone, they are looking at it as a unique "quality," something that sets
them apart from others.

We all need our alone time, and a few aspects of personality development occur
when we are reflecting on the social interactions, encounters and
relationships we've had. But too much time alone, I think, eventually leads to
feelings of despair and helplessness. Either that, or a numbness to the
reality of the state of isolation.

~~~
rimantas
A suprising number of people have real difficulty of being alone with their
thoughts. There being alone I mean not being only physicall alone, bet being
also free from other forms of disctraction and communication.

~~~
aestra
Which is probably the reason why when faced with a (say) 10 minute wait,
people feel the need to be distracted. Facebook, Twitter, Hacker News,
Reddit... ANYTHING to DO. Even bringing a book or iPod on a train. Some people
feel extremely uncomfortable just sitting doing nothing. Being "bored" so to
speak.

However boredom is GOOD for you, for adults and especially for children. It
fosters creative thought as well as has other positive aspects. Introspective
thought and sometimes problem solving comes from boredom. Think about it -
where do your best ideas come to you? In the shower.

That's why I get so depressed with how I see kids behaving these days. They
have a zillion toys, DVDs, computers, iPods, tablets because (GOD FORBID) they
don't have anything to do for a second.

They bring their toys outside of the house. I never once in my life brought a
toy with me outside of the house. If I had to wait someone I just (gasp!)
waited. They are watching movies in the car (!!!) and this is considered a
positive to keep them occupied (and presumably just quiet). I was at a
(somewhat snoody) restaurant and I saw two kids who were like 8-10 years old
who brought several coloring books and crayons with them and they were all
splayed out on the table like it was a child's play place. The concept seemed
to be HORRIBLE for them to not have something to do in the time frame between
ordering and eating! A full 10-15 minutes!

Well in my opinion it is setting the children up for failure. They aren't
interacting with their environment, engaging in conversation, asking
questions, or even just learning at some point you have to learn to sit down
with nothing to do. Or even learning to find something to do when they are
"bored." Kids used to be good at that. Games like "I spy," hand clapping
games, pretend and make believe, doing each other's hair, inventing games,
singing, trying to find license plates from every state, creating dance
routines, cops and robbers (and the politically incorrect version - cowboys
and Indians), etc, etc. My friends and I even wrote, memorized, and performed
an entire play when were were children.

I remember going to a really boring after school program for poor kids. There
was basically nothing to do for hours other than a small playground that I was
way way too old for. So I created a whole world in my head. I was out in the
woods. I had to collect firewood and build a fire. I collected sticks, dug a
small hole, arranged the sticks as I would if building a fire and arranged
rocks around it. Bundled more sticks to make a torch, etc.

I have preteen cousins. When they visit family they don't interact with the
family at all. They are on their phones the ENTIRE time at Christmas. I don't
even know them at all except for what their parents tell me. I didn't hear a
single word from either of them.

Nowadays distractions aren't even enough, people seem to be distracted from
their distractions.

Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame) wrote a really good article about it.

[http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd...](http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCYQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fonline.wsj.com%2Fnews%2Farticles%2FSB10001424053111903454504576486412642177904&ei=2JW-
U_6_ItOmyASQooDYDw&usg=AFQjCNEw68MHEZDy8bp9unUS0mA6iiZg3A&sig2=iM4N5rPKmEAsJux7elJ_2A&bvm=bv.70138588,d.aWw)

Might also be of interest

[http://www.the-exponent.com/in-defense-of-boredom/](http://www.the-
exponent.com/in-defense-of-boredom/)

I bring a book with my traveling sometimes but usually I don't even take it
out, I just sit there with my thoughts and I feel no anxiety about it. I feel
really sorry for those who seem to have anxiety about sitting around with
nothing to do.

------
Sindrome
It's really hard for me to stay motivated without other people around. But I
am always more productive alone. A mix of with and without people is best for
me.

------
jflowers45
I enjoy plenty of 'me' time and found the comments about seeing a movie alone
interesting - I don't mind at all being solo when I see a movie.

------
monxxx
from Grothendieck's _Récoltes et Semailles_ :

    
    
        In those critical years I learned how to be alone. [But even] this
        formulation doesn’t really capture my meaning. I didn’t, in any
        literal sense, learn to be alone, for the simple reason that this
        knowledge had never been unlearned during my childhood. It is a basic
        capacity in all of us from the day of our birth. However these three
        years of work in isolation [1945-1948], when I was thrown onto my own
        resources, following guidelines which I myself had spontaneously
        invented, instilled in me a strong degree of confidence, unassuming
        yet enduring in my ability to do mathematics, which owes nothing to
        any consensus or to the fashions which pass as law. By this I mean
        to say: to reach out in my own way to the things I wished to learn,
        rather than relying on the notions of the consensus, overt or tacit,
        coming from a more or less extended clan of which I found myself a
        member, or which for any other reason laid claim to be taken as an
        authority. This silent consensus had informed me both at the lycee
        and at the university, that one shouldn’t bother worrying about
        what was really meant when using a term like “volume” which
        was “obviously self-evident”, “generally known,” “in
        problematic” etc... it is in this gesture of ”going beyond to be
        in oneself rather than the pawn of a consensus, the refusal to stay
        within a rigid circle that others have drawn around one -- it is in
        this solitary act that one finds true creativity. All others things
        follow as a matter of course.
    
        Since then I’ve had the chance in the world of mathematics that
        bid me welcome, to meet quite a number of people, both among my
        “elders” and among young people in my general age group who were
        more brilliant, much more ‘gifted’ than I was. I admired the
        facility with which they picked up, as if at play, new ideas, juggling
        them as if familiar with them from the cradle -- while for myself I
        felt clumsy, even oafish, wandering painfully up an arduous track,
        like a dumb ox faced with an amorphous mountain of things I had to
        learn (so I was assured) things I felt incapable of understanding
        the essentials or following through to the end. Indeed, there was
        little about me that identified the kind of bright student who wins
        at prestigious competitions or assimilates almost by sleight of hand,
        the most forbidding subjects.
    
        In fact, most of these comrades who I gauged to be more brilliant
        than I have gone on to become distinguished mathematicians. Still
        from the perspective of thirty or thirty five years, I can state
        that their imprint upon the mathematics of our time has not been
        very profound. They’ve done all things, often beautiful things in
        a context that was already set out before them, which they had no
        inclination to disturb. Without being aware of it, they’ve remained
        prisoners of those invisible and despotic circles which delimit the
        universe of a certain milieu in a given era. To have broken these
        bounds they would have to rediscover in themselves that capability
        which was their birthright, as it was mine: The capacity to be alone.

~~~
pcl
Grothendieck is a German / French mathematician, for those of us who haven't
run across his name before.

Also, Wikipedia says he currently lives in isolation from human society in the
Pyrenees. And that he was stateless for much of his life.

[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Grothendieck](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Grothendieck)

------
Kiro
I have a lot of friends but really enjoy being alone. Unfortunately people
can't accept that as a reason for not joining them on an activity so I
constantly have to come up with excuses. I do like hanging out with people as
well but being alone is just as fun and rewarding, and is never tiresome.

------
gregschlom
> People make this error, thinking that being alone means being lonely, and
> not being alone means being with other people

Loneliness isn't solitude, it's isolation. That's why one can feel so lonely
sometimes even with thousands of people around.

~~~
insky
Yeah, and you can feel isolated even with close friends and family.

------
iheartramen
Meanwhile.. [http://www.iflscience.com/brain/people-would-rather-
experien...](http://www.iflscience.com/brain/people-would-rather-experience-
electric-shock-be-alone-their-thoughts)

------
n00
reminded me this ... "isolation is the gift" ?
[http://youtu.be/tlXJIawiPE0?t=1m30s](http://youtu.be/tlXJIawiPE0?t=1m30s)

------
fredsted
>The leaders of the world’s great religions — Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Moses —
all had crucial revelations during periods of solitude.

They're fictional persons and stories. It doesn't make sense to reference them
in a topic like this.

------
sayemm
"Without great solitude no serious work is possible." \- Pablo Picasso,
[http://zenhabits.net/creative-habit](http://zenhabits.net/creative-habit)

~~~
joeyspn
Nice site... Solitude is in fact a Zen habit... I've been introduced to Zen
and practicing it lately and has been a great experience so far.

I reckon solitude is good for both: creative work, and self-awareness...

------
hnriot
Another study that tells us what everybody already knows.

------
1587
"social loafing"!

------
themodelplumber
Yo, I read HN. I got this.

