Ask HN: For those who don't have children, what do you do during your free time? - polote
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sametmax
In no particular order:

Reading, cooking, handing out with friends, traveling, sleeping, working on
personal projects, running, meditating, trying a new life habit, taking a
break, organizing, fixing, improving, hiking, rock climbing, creating a new
company, catching up on my field of expertise, cleaning, calling people I
like, going to the cinema, going to a show, watching tv shows, testing a
different tool, meeting new people, doing something that takes time but saves
money, going to an event or a party, going to a museum, doing live escape
games, playing laser tags, diner with friends, varying on sex, going to a
health specialist, caring for my skin or hairs, choosing second hand cool
clothes in a thrift shop, working more hours, helping friends with
something...

Kids has nothing to do with what I do though. It's a matter of time. Some
people without kids still don't have time. They work a lot, or have a hobby
that fill up the day or just do things very slowly to enjoy the moment, or
live in area where everything takes more time, or have a big commute.

Some people do have kids but have a lot of money and don't wish to spend time
with them, hiring somebody to do it. Other just neglect the kids.

So the thing is more: you created a life with kids, you decided to take care
of those kids, you agreed it would take a lot of time to make it the way you
think it should be done (e.g: they being sane and healthy) and allocated that
time to those kids.

Basically it's just like anything else: you decided to add something, here
taking care of the kids, that takes time instead of something else. Kids is
just a label to it and is no better, or worse, than any other activity.

~~~
AndrewKemendo
_So the thing is more: you created a life with kids, you decided to take care
of those kids, you agreed it would take a lot of time to make it the way you
think it should be done (e.g: they being sane and healthy) and allocated that
time to those kids._

This attributes way more intentionality onto having children than actually is
the case, in almost half of cases.

In 2011, 45% of all pregnancies in the US were unintended, and 18% of all
pregnancies being unwanted [1]. That means that for the nearly 4 Million
births in the US yearly (using 2011 numbers), the intentions you state about
how to think about time management with the additional kid likely does not
apply for about 1.8 Million of them.

Speaking as a father of three, your statement is discounting a number of
things - including personality type - and I find that those with kids who do a
lot are predisposed to doing so, how they manage that with kids varies by
their predispositions.

So its naiive to equivocate having kids to taking on a new hobby or a job -
for various social, legal and ethical reasons. They just aren't the same.

[1] [https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/unintended-
pregnancy-u...](https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/unintended-pregnancy-
united-states)

~~~
sametmax
Of course it is. Even if you didn't know that sex lead to pregnancy or about
contraception or, again about abortion, you still choose to keep the kids in
your life. You could choose to give them away, loose them, kill them, run
away. You could keep them but neglect them. Having kids is a giant process in
which you are involve all long the way.

You may say that it is unthinkable. But it's just you choosing one cost
instead of another. Being a decent human or not is a choice, being a single
paying alemony or a couple hating your kids is another choice. And there is a
price to all of them. That's what a choice is.

A choice is not about doing whatever you want. That's omnipotence. A choice is
chosing what to do with the piece of block the life tetris gave you.

But of course, none of this argument matters because I'm answering to HN
readers, a niche a very educated people that know all about pregnancy,
contraception, abortion and that having children has a huge impact. This post
is, after all, about somebody interested in the process enough to trigger a
whole debate it.

So my comment is to be taken in that context.

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ineedasername
I have 3 kids, i often ask myself this in a slightly different form: what the
heck did I do with all my time before I had kids?

I don't know. It's like a mental block. I know it involved a lot more reading
for fun and videogames, but that's a vague piece of knowledge that lacks
detailed memories. I have a lot more fun now though, with the kids. I laugh a
lot more.

~~~
AndrewKemendo
I'm in exactly the same boat.

The conclusion I have come to is that we got way more efficient at doing
pretty much everything, or eliminating things that we felt were just a
complete waste of time. Which is probably why everything feels rushed all the
time (at least to me).

~~~
ineedasername
Yep, it definitely enforces a lot of streamlining

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emerged
Work, side programming projects, fitness, home improvement / yard work, art
and music, travel, spend time with other family, video games. I schedule my
days because there are endless things to do in this life. Boredom makes
absolutely no sense to me.

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trixie_
A question asked by someone who was single once so already knows the answer...
This is patronizing, sorry if you don’t realize it.

~~~
louiswilbrink
I don’t see how this question reaches the level of patronizing. Kids take
time. Not having them frees up that time — OP is curious how people spend it.
What leap of logic am I missing?

~~~
foobarchu
It's patronizing because the asker did not always have children. Unless they
started having kids at a very young age, they clearly have experienced the
same kind of 'free time' anyone without kids has. With modern entertainment,
it's not hidden knowledge what kinds of activities people do in their leisure
time.

That, coupled with the question, offers the implication that they already know
what the answers will be and simply want validation that the way they spend
their time is superior. That's textbook patronizing.

OP may not have meant it that way, but it's pretty easy for it to come off
that way, hence why the question sounds kind of patronizing.

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chriskanan
Free time?

I'm faculty member at a university. I run a large research lab, and have big
dreams and goals with regard to what I want my lab to accomplish. There is
always more to do, so I don't really have any "free time." I have found that
it is necessary to make time to relax or I'll get severely burnt out. For
example, I'll typically stop working 2-4 hours before bed, and I'll
occasionally take a weekend off, especially after deadlines. When I take time
off, I spend it with my wife if she is around (two-body problem), I watch
shows/movies, cook, and play PC games. I also go to the gym for about 5 hours
per week, which I enjoy and find useful for both mental and physical health.

To flip the question around, "If or when I have kids, how am I going to still
preserve my career ambitions and maintain my productivity as well as maintain
a happy family?" This question has been on my mind a lot lately.

Some of my friends with children and who are academics report feeling guilty a
lot: Neglecting their career, neglecting their graduate students, neglecting
their families, and neglecting their children. There are only so many hours in
the day. People tell me that you become more efficient once you have children
and/or that you just sleep even less. I've heard others kind of criticize
others' success in academia as being due to "not having children," and
anecdotally it does seem like many of the most successful academics don't have
children, have them after they have already achieved significant success and
built a strong reputation, or have stay-at-home spouses.

~~~
daly
I am also childless these days and doing research. Research is like skin. You
never get away from it. But, then, who would want to?

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influnza
Composing and recording music, songs, painting, various crafts, reading,
rarely programming, playing video games (though I have less time for them in
the last year). I noticed I have much more time available if my husband is
away, so hanging out with him too. I have 2 cats, they require some attention
too. I would hire someone to deal with kids.

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clearly
Climbing, running, playing guitar, reading, hanging out.

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ndstephens
Over the last 6 months? Study and teach myself programming (attempting a
career change). Outside of that...hiking, kayaking, some socializing at bars
etc, short road-trips. Still have many of the same "life-chores" as parents
(cooking, cleaning, errands), but they probably aren't as stressful or come
with the same time crunch. I think children can be great, but i'm not sure i'm
cut out for it 24/7.

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Endy
Tabletop RPGs & board games. I sort of have a pipe dream of writing and
publishing my own game someday.

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kyleperik
Working on side projects. Teaching my Chinchillas tricks is also a very time
consuming task, and it helps me learn how their minds work and also how
similar they are to my mind sometimes.

Those adorable stubborn balls of fur.

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greenleafjacob
Self improvement: reading and writing math, coding, and playing Starcraft.

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andrewl-hn
Just overwork and paid extra for that. Gotta make some buck while I can.

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__mp
Social events, the occasional book/movie, tech-related stuff, photography and
sports: Hiking and mountainbiking in summer, and splitboarding in winter.

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kgraves
Just implementing algorithms for my side projects when I get the time to. I
don't do much else, maybe watch movies with a few friends or YouTube.

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grigjd3
So before I was a father, I incorrectly thought I was quite busy. Mostly
though, I would hang out with friends, travel, go see movies, etc.

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Madmallard
Video games and occasionally programming since becoming ill. Before that add
cycling and rhythm games to the picture. Life is hard.

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jryan49
Nothing

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Overtonwindow
I sleep and read a lot. Unless it's going out with friends, or some event.
Occasionally partake in marijuana.

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pentagonpapers
Booze

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lurquer
Practice making children.

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nitai
All the things that you did before you had kids :)

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billconan
reading, hiking, skiing, drawing, deep learning

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bobbytherobot
I'm curious, was OP never childless?

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gigama
hack, make, learn...

