

Ask HN: How do you deal with negative self talk? - blergh123

I&#x27;m a Software Engineer and I often want to work on side projects and cool ideas I have, and I&#x27;ll often get started but then at some point I start the negative talk - &#x27;you&#x27;re not good enough to do this&#x27;, &#x27;you don&#x27;t know what you&#x27;re doing&#x27;, &#x27;this isn&#x27;t good  practice&#x27;, &#x27;this won&#x27;t work&#x27; etc.<p>I was wondering how others deal with this negative talk and self doubt. I try to shut it down when it starts up but I can never truly shake it.
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theoh
If it is a long-term problem, there are therapies you can try. The standard-
issue therapy I have encountered is CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which
you can do by yourself. It is not, however, an in-depth, psychodynamic therapy
in the psychoanalytic tradition, so you won't be unearthing profound insights
into your personality. The focus is on specific symptoms and quick results. In
spite of those limitations it might be worth trying.
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy)

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wturner
I have this problem to a very bad degree and I deal with it through brute
force. I recently broke my elbow and was put briefly on hydrocodone and it had
a side effect of serving as a "miracle" anti depressant. I finished my first
node.js app while on it which I had put off for months because I hit a "you're
never going to figure this out" road block. The fluency by which I was working
while on the hydrocodone was like night and day and couldn't believe that life
could be that "in the moment" and fluent. It was like a weight was lifted off
my shoulders and everything just 'connected'.But of course it was a drug and I
couldn't stay on it. I haven't found a way to deal with these issues so I'm
curious about the responses to this thread.

~~~
porker
hydrocodone sounds amazing!

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hkon
You are not your code, even though a lot of people will try and convince you
otherwise, EVEN YOU!

Just write shit that makes you happy, side projects are about exploring and
having fun.

Often times the negative Nancy voice is right when he is talking to me. I
often don't know what I am doing, I write horrible stuff all the time that
does not work!

Realize this though, you are in control. Whenever those thoughts appear you
actually have a choice, listen to them or say no.

By listening to them you will never get anywhere, you will constantly second
guess yourself and tweak minor details that can be changed easily at a later
time. Your free time is limited, you have to cut corners to see significant
progress. Once you realize that everything is a compromise, it gets easier.

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walterbell
Pre-empt negativity by using positive words/sounds/images from stories of
other people who have achieved comparable goals, facing comparable challenges.
Thoughts follow action, so take a positive action, any action, instead of
trying to fight negative thoughts.

An example interview, [http://mixergy.com/interviews/slicehost-how-a-goal-
setting-b...](http://mixergy.com/interviews/slicehost-how-a-goal-setting-
bootstrapper-launch-sold-his-business-with-matt-tanase/)

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wernercuzco
Just remember that some of the most successful and influential people like
Steve Jobs, Linus Torwards started their projects without enough
qualifications and without knowing what they are doing. They just wanted to
create something and went for it.

I suggest reading listening personal history of the these tech pioneers

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jorgecurio
Imagine if those negative words were coming from someone else.

Imagine how hard you would fight to prove them all wrong.

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quantisan
Quite related, this article about Imposter Syndrome has been passing around
the past couple days: [http://valbonneconsulting.wordpress.com/2014/08/16/the-
impos...](http://valbonneconsulting.wordpress.com/2014/08/16/the-imposter-
syndrome-in-software-development/)

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DanBC
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is excellent for this kind of thinking.

It is supposed to be a short focussed course - 8 hours for mild to moderate
depression, for example.

