
Stockholm Syndrome and Emotional Abuse – Part II - DoreenMichele
http://www.erynnbrook.com/stockholm-syndrome-emotional-abuse-part-ii/
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ntw1103
I have a brother who is in this situation. While I did my best to be there,
eventually he completely shut himself off from the entire family, and refuses
all forms of contact. At this point, I don't know that there is anything I can
do.

~~~
DoreenMichele
The reality is that you aren't likely to find a solution in a single article.

I think the piece has some good bits, but there are also things I don't
necessarily agree with. The main thing I don't agree with is the idea that you
can give someone a comprehensive solution in a short article.

It's written like a how-to guide, like if you just follow this bullet point
list, it will work out. And that's not likely to be true in most cases.

The piece makes me feel like I ought to write something on the topic, but I
don't know that it will happen. I'm currently hip deep in dealing with other
stuff. Perhaps the thing to do is start a stub and hope that I revisit it at
some point.

My point being: I actually have quite a lot of experience dealing effectively
with difficult personal problems and I don't think some bullet list of To Do
items is a slam dunk solution to any thorny problem.

I posted it hoping it would generate meaty discussion, absolutely not
intending to provide a guide book for people dealing with this.

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ntw1103
I wasn't viewing this as a following this guide solve all the problems. The
article did provide some perspective, and offer some suggestions. I think when
it comes to complicated social problems, finding a way to deal with it
successfully is highly personalized to the people involved. Hopefully, the
more you learn about these things, the better you can get at dealing with
situatins, and people. I would be interested in anything you have to say on
the topic, if you can find some time. :)

~~~
DoreenMichele
For your situation with your brother, I have two suggestions that may or may
not be useful:

1\. "Forgiveness is a gift. Trust is earned." If he no longer speaks to you,
he likely doesn't trust you. Establishing trust is very hard work and often a
very jagged little pill to swallow.

2\. If you want to reach him, you need to try to understand his life from his
perspective as sympathetically as possible. You probably also need to dig down
into the family dynamic and try to figure out where things went wrong.

This is likely to not be comfortable. Maybe you adore mom, but mom was never
good to him and made him out to be The Bad Child. He has every reason to not
adore mom and this will be a serious bone of contention.

It's also fine if you don't reach out to him. It's fine if you try to sort
this out in your mind for purposes of getting on with your own life.

I have a genetic disorder that wasn't diagnosed until I was nearly 36. I was a
frustrating child to raise. I got called lazy and treated like I was a
neurotic, whiny hypochondriac.

I'm sympathetic to why people saw it that way, but it was a terrible
experience for me and it was a source of injustice in my life. But I am
disinclined to try to harangue people into understanding me, doing right by
me, etc.

Sometimes, life is just hard and we don't have all the answers. I think this
is part of why religion was so popular for so much of human history: It's a
way to make peace with such things. You shrug and admit you don't have all the
answers.

In the modern world, we often want to believe we can have all the answers. And
sometimes we can't.

I'm probably not going to write anything on my blog that would be of interest
to you. But I thought I would take a few minutes to try to express myself in a
way that hopefully will be a useful crumb for you.

And if that doesn't resonate for you, it's okay to ignore the opinions of this
internet stranger who has never met you or your brother and doesn't actually
know squat about the specifics of your situation.

Peace be with you.

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mimixco
Thank you for this! I know someone going through this right now and it's been
driving me crazy trying to figure out what to do.

This is very helpful advice.

