

Lessons from the 'World's Ugliest Woman': 'Stop Staring and Start Learning' - mikecane
http://shine.yahoo.com/beauty/lessons-worlds-ugliest-woman-stop-staring-start-learning-184400606.html

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delinka
If a recognizable celebrity figure (POTUS, a TV talking head, or a film star)
walked into my vicinity, I'm going to stare. I'm going to stare mainly because
I doubt seriously that the actual person that I _think_ is here would come to
where I am and I'm really trying to discover if that's a look-alike or a mask.

After seeing this woman's photo, I'd do the same kind of staring. Is it a
mask? Is she real? When I discover she's real, now I'm curious what causes
this particular look. I have large ears and at some point in my life I was
curious why my ears were bigger that average. It's pretty much a genetic thing
through my maternal grandfather's family. Where the trait originates I didn't
particularly care.

When someone looks different enough from the other people you see every day--
ugly, attractive ... doesn't matter --you tend to stare. Apparently you can't
just walk over to random people and ask things like "did you inherit those
ears or are you a genetic anomaly?" and "you and your friend both have nice
round rear ends, but what causes your waist to be so much wider than hers?" -
it's considered rude. When our children _do_ ask these questions of others,
the child gets reprimanded (even if only by the shocked and insulted reaction
by the other party) and learns not to educate themselves in this manner.

So you're out in public and you find yourself staring. Curiosity happens. Now,
what's the next thing you do? Start whispering to the group you're with?
Laughing? Making jokes? That's the problem. "Stop staring and start learning."
Learning what exactly? That we're all humans and deserve the same respect?
Yeah, your mama shoulda taught you that years ago.

How about we all just stop being assholes to each other?

~~~
sek
That's how I deal with it:

I often try to think about it one step further, when you have a funny last
name you have heard comments about it endless times already and I keep it for
myself.

That also applies to famous people when they are in a casual environment, you
look at them twice but that's the downside of being famous.

When it comes to visible things that are not self-explanatory I ignore them
unless I want to know this person better. Then I ask directly once and then I
am good.

This worked so far and I didn't offend someone so far, I think.

------
dhimes
What amazing strength she shows. I find such strength very attractive, and I
doubt I am alone. I wonder if people are born with such strength, or if we
could all have it if we needed it (and perhaps with helpful guidance).

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frogpelt
There are hordes of people who will say outrageous things because they think
they are anonymous.

It's one of the many ways that the Internet has amplified character issues
that already existed in society.

~~~
sek
I've read somewhere that this behavior is some kind of valve for agression.
Similar to laughing to specific kinds of comedy, or cursing at the other team
in a stadium.

When you compare that to real violence, this is culturally very advanced.

There is the downside that some take stuff often very personal, they have to
learn that these things are more about these people themselves than about the
target.

~~~
illuminate
Along the lines of- <http://www.microaggressions.com/> and
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microaggression> ?

~~~
sek
Didn't know about that, thanks.

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BasDirks
the title of the post is annoying the fuck out of me, because it perpetuates
the same shallow bullshit that she has to fight against.

~~~
GiraffeNecktie
I totally disagree. The quote marks around the words "World's Ugliest Woman"
indicate that this was an actual opinion that someone expressed but that it
isn't necessarily a fact. That's really the point of the story, how she dealt
with the hurtful comments of others.

------
Zikes
_Staring is how we learn._ Yes, it's uncomfortable for the one being stared
at, but if they truly want anyone to understand their condition they'll first
have to accept that being different means being the focus of attention.

~~~
antidoh
Except you don't do that to people.

If you want to truly understand someone's condition, first be their friend and
earn the right to talk to them about it. Or jump on wikipedia.

But don't stare. People are not here for your edu-porn.

~~~
Zikes
Yes, staring is rude, I get that. But you have to understand, our brains are
hardwired to stare.

Pattern recognition is so innate that when we perceive something that breaks
the expected pattern our first instinct is to keep looking at it until we
understand what we're looking at. It's unconscious, and if we're lucky we'll
catch ourselves doing it to a person and try to mitigate the circumstance with
shifty glances elsewhere, but our eyes will always be drawn back as soon as
our concentration wavers.

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georgebarnett
"Ugliness" is always from a given perspective and usually says more about the
biases of the person holding the view than about the person in question.

This woman is remarkable given the challenges she has had to face. I hope she
continues to educate those with small minded opinions.

~~~
spindritf
> "Ugliness" is always from a given perspective

No, humans have a pretty converging opinion on what's attractive in other
humans. To the point of being quantifiable
[https://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/09/fashion/09skin.html?pagew...](https://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/09/fashion/09skin.html?pagewanted=all)

And, really, come on, the idea of sexual selection is 150 years old. We don't
need to be slaves to it but it is real.

~~~
georgebarnett
Humans may have a converging opinion however this is more likely related to
the current social norms rather than an anything else.

If you were to transport a person from 400 years ago into the present then you
would find their idea of ugliness would be very different from our present
opinion.

I agree that sexual selection isn't a new idea, however I would suggest it's
more related to what the media and advertising tells us is optimal rather than
other factors (e.g. see the changing sexual norms in teenagers due to porn).

~~~
spindritf
> this is more likely related to the current social norms rather than an
> anything else.

Again, no

>> Studies have shown that there is surprising agreement about what makes a
face attractive. Symmetry is at the core, along with youthfulness; clarity or
smoothness of skin; and vivid color, say, in the eyes and hair. There is
little dissent among people of different cultures, ethnicities, races, ages
and gender.

Symmetry works across species. Are zebras influenced by the current social
norms?

>> Female Zebra Finches Prefer Males with Symmetric Chest Plumage

[http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/258/1353/267....](http://rspb.royalsocietypublishing.org/content/258/1353/267.short)

Search for symmetry and sexual in Google Scholar and you'll find hundreds of
studies showing that those preferences are obviously innate. Maybe not all of
them but a lot of them.

And the resulting judgement is instantaneous — humans can judge attractiveness
unconsciously, without noticing it, in 13ms!
[http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/how-long-does-it-take-
to-d...](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2012/04/how-long-does-it-take-to-decide-if-
a-person-i/)

> If you were to transport a person from 400 years ago into the present then
> you would find their idea of ugliness would be very different from our
> present opinion.

That's not falsifiable.

~~~
illuminate
"That's not falsifiable."

Besides that we have some conception of beauty ideals throughout the ages, as
captured.

------
dajo
As an aside, I can't read this article on my phone, I get redirected to the
mobile version of the frontpage. Very frustrating.

