
The Alameda-Weehawken Burrito Tunnel (2007) - panic
http://idlewords.com/2007/04/the_alameda-weehawken_burrito_tunnel.htm
======
idlewords
A few years after writing this I was fortunate enough to visit a restaurant in
Christchurch that serves burgers by pneumatic tube:

[http://www.c1espresso.co.nz/#!pneumatic/caqp](http://www.c1espresso.co.nz/#!pneumatic/caqp)

We have the technology!

~~~
negativity
I really tried to visit
[http://burrito.nyc.us.gov](http://burrito.nyc.us.gov). It was all a lie.

    
    
      ):

~~~
idlewords
I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel any better, it got me too, earlier today.

------
walterbell
From "Then & Now: NYC’s Pneumatic Tube Mail Network",
[http://untappedcities.com/2013/03/15/nycs-pneumatic-tube-
mai...](http://untappedcities.com/2013/03/15/nycs-pneumatic-tube-mail-
network/)

 _" Each tube could carry between 400 and 600 letters and traveled at 30-35
miles per hour. In its full glory, the pneumatic tubes covered a 27-mile
route, connecting 23 post offices. This network stretched up Manhattan’s east
and west sides, from Bowling Green and Wall Street, all the way north to
Manhattanville and East Harlem. Anecdotal stories indicate that the system may
have extended into the Bronx, with sandwich subs reportedly being delivered
via pneumatic tubes from a renown subway shop in the Bronx to downtown postal
stations."_

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apaprocki
So some friends and I have a running joke/thing. Anytime someone goes to SF
they are obligated to FedEx a standard tube filled with El Farolito carnitas
super burritos back. A tube fits 5 IIRC and it works great. (This happens so
infrequently I do not worry about it impacting my carbon footprint enough to
the point I am judged in the afterlife.) It's not the same thing as a
pneumatic tube, but it's the closest we could manage without talking to VCs.
And SF-Manhattan is close enough to Alameda-Weehawken for me. Pro tip: no sour
cream, add on remote end if desired and at all costs avoid getting your tube
stuck in the mail room over a weekend.

~~~
lifeformed
How long does the trip take? Are they good to eat when they arrive?

~~~
greeko
It's certainly playing with fire, but I've never heard of anyone getting sick
after eating a 24 hour old burrito stored at room temperature. This is
assuming that it's a not a super burrito (no cheese, no sour cream, no
avocado)

------
davmre
What I never understood: once you freeze the burritos, isn't the freshness
advantage essentially moot? You might as well just ship them in trucks to the
frozen-foods aisles of NYC grocery stores.

~~~
nulltype
You'd think so, but if you try the tunnel burritos you can really taste the
difference.

------
devb
There are so many things wrong with this, I don't know where to begin.

> "Yet if you could open the airlocks and stare down its length with a
> telescope, you would see airplanes on final approach to Newark Airport,
> three thousand miles away!"

Newark Airport is in a solid southwest heading from Weehawken. Final approach
is either from the north, south, or a western heading over Jersey City to
Runway 29, still south and slightly west of Weehawken. A tunnel looking east
would see skyscrapers in Manhattan. _Possibly_ air traffic from Laguardia, but
it's unlikely, especially with pump infrastructure in the way.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

> To reduce drag on the burritos to a minimum, the tunnel must be kept in
> near-vacuum with powerful pumps.

Yet a few paragraphs later, they say "Mail would frequently arrive singed or
deformed from the intense heat and pressure." What is it? Vacuum or pressure?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Furthermore, advances in electrical engineering meant that containers would
> no longer have to be propelled by compressed gas. The burritos already came
> conveniently wrapped in aluminum foil - it would be trivial to accelerate
> them with powerful magnets.

The power required by these magnets to induce the Lenz effect in a burrito
wrapper, let alone propel it, is too high for large-scale applications.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Under our feet are five miles of silt from the Rockies before you even get
> to the first rock.

Not even close to true. Tecumseh Shale, for example, can be found about 100
feet deep in places.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

> At the tunnel exit, a final puff of air slows the burritos to a stop and
> they are placed in insulated bags. These are whisked to a fleet of waiting
> trucks, which pass through the Holland Tunnel (this time at a more stately
> thirty-five miles per hour) and then onward to restaurants and cafeterias
> throughout the five boroughs.

Why not the Lincoln Tunnel? It's actually in Weehawken! The traffic through
Hoboken and Jersey City to the Holland is insane. Why didn't they just build
the tunnel to Manhattan? It's a mile away!

~~~
idlewords
The whole thing is meant to poke fun at a certain breathless pop-science
writing style.

There's lots of other errors. I'm surprised you didn't hit me with the
brachistochrone curve.

I am picturing you reading bedtime stories to your children, and interrupting
to say "well ACTUALLY..."

~~~
candeira
I think they already know the whole deal is ludicrous, they're joking too, and
they are gently trolling you.

Or so I hope, for the sake of my faith in humanity.

~~~
idlewords
I too want to believe. But I've been on this site a while.

~~~
dredmorbius
Move along now. No loitering!

------
lutorm
Can the hyperloop possibly compete with this?

------
redwood
As an sf transplant in nyc... I'm dying for a good salsa bar. Damn. OH The
humanity

~~~
roflchoppa
You made the choice, now you suffer the consequences. Burritos till i die.

------
AceJohnny2
This remains my favorite essay by Maciej, and a reason why I'm never
completely sure how truthful he is in his other stories.

I've rarely laughed as hard as when this was read to me at my birthday one
summer night after a few drinks. The sentence about the burritos "[tracing]
graceful arcs into the East River, glowing like faint red sparks in the night"
will stay in my heart for a long time.

~~~
idlewords
I'm so happy you like this. I really do try to stick to the truth in things
that aren't obvious put-ons!

------
yoda_sl
Good one! Regarding gravity train and when it was initially "invented":

    
    
      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravity_train

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xmonkee
For a second there...

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serve_yay
Boy, I dunno.

