
A cry for help from a worrier?  - crjHome
http://sorryiamtheuntitled.tumblr.com/post/66870102813/worry
======
chrisacky
_Worrying is the interest paid on a debt that you may never owe._

After taking cognitive behavioural therapy, it really helped me to stop
worrying. Preparation and organisation is a good way to combat excessive
worrying.

~~~
TranceMan
Couldn't agree more, I posted this in another reply:

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets
you anywhere”

― Erma Bombeck [Also - Van Wilder - Party Liason]

------
ryan-allen
You have two options!

1) Self Help Industry, multi-billion dollar industry preying on un-diagnosed
mental health issues! Do you still bad? You're not trying hard enough!

2) Go see your doctor and look at treatment options. It sounds like an anxiety
disorder. If you are losing sleep you need to seek help. Seek therapy and
medication in combination ideally. Anxiety disorders can be treated with
modern generation SSRIs like escitalopram that (generally) have mild side
effects and ACTUALLY FUCKING HELP.

3) Listen to survival-biased startup founders who say you just gotta work
harder to achieve your dreams. Hustle baby! Don't knock the hustle! You should
worry about that shirt your wearing tomorrow it could cost you 100M in
funding!

\---

OK, so point 2 is the only serious one I'm making, the other two are the
facetious bullshit that people will recommend to you because they have never
suffered mental illness and think they can talk you out of it. It's the most
in-compassionate thing they could do. But hey, self righteousness feels great
so you can't blame them more than you can blame a cocaine addict.

The best part of this whole situation is you are self-aware of your anxiety.
It took me nearly 10 years to notice how it affected me.

At least in Australia we have state funded rebates on all this shit, and we
can seek help and meds without it costing as much as a supercharged ford
mustang would be on bad credit repayments, but the cost of not sorting it out
can be significant, especially if you're working in tech.

I'm not going in to details of what it cost me, but it's in the realm of
millions if I had been in a right mind and had the right advice in my 20s.

~~~
johnchristopher
> The best part of this whole situation is you are self-aware of your anxiety.
> It took me nearly 10 years to notice how it affected me.

I'd be interested in reading more about how you managed the whole thing.

------
sillysaurus2
One way to combat worrying is to realize what you're doing almost literally
doesn't matter at all, in the grand scheme. So you may as well enjoy it.

Another technique that's very useful: Try everything. A friend calls this the
"shotgun approach." You start by assuming there exists a way to eliminate your
problem. Therefore, the more things you try, the more likely you are to hit on
the thing that works for you. So the most optimal strategy for fixing your
issue is to just keep trying a bunch of different ways to eliminate it till
you've found your answer.

Just remember that this requires a completely open mind, since you can't fool
yourself. Also keep in mind the most important fact, which is that everyone is
different, so just because X worked for someone else doesn't mean it will work
for you (even if it's a doctor's treatment). So don't get discouraged, just
keep trying things. You're bound to find something that works.

~~~
krenoten
It's important to have some way of distinguishing "problems" from things you
have no control over, also. Some things you have to accept, which sometimes
boils down to locating an incorrect assumption that you have about the world
and invalidating it to yourself. You get to choose what you spend energy on,
though.

~~~
andyzweb

        accept the things I cannot change,
        the courage to change the things I can,
        and wisdom to know the difference.

------
duaneb
I'm also a big worrier. Talk to the people around you; talk to a doctor.
chrisacky mentioned cognitive behavioral therapy; it's really quite effective.
Dialectical behavioral therapy was formulated for people with borderline
personality disorder but is effective and useful for many people, if not
everyone. Make sure you eat! Blood sugar is necessary to have a calm,
collected mind.

------
onion2k
Anxiety as illustrated by this sort of plea is usually a symptom of an
underlying mental health issue. And, like pretty much all health issues, it's
eminently treatable. Talking therapies, counselling, journalling, and drugs
all help. Talk to a doctor.

------
robg
Anxiety disorders affect over 40 million Americans. You are not alone.

Yet fewer than 10% will find adequate treatment. Simply speaking out is the
first step to combating the symptoms. Treat this like any bacterial infection
or virus. It requires dedicated strategies and medical professionals can help.
So too can simply writing your feelings down, talking to friends and family,
and good sleep and proper nutrition. Again, consider this a cold or flu whose
time will pass with proper treatment.

The challenge is determining the triggers and actively combating them.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is terrible branding but it is as effective at
treating excessive anxiety as well as prescription medications. Therapy can
mean talking to friends and family - some of the best people in our lives are
there for times like these.

Please keep speaking about your concerns. The more you do so, the more you
will face and conquer them.

------
peteretep
See a Doctor. There are drugs for that. I also found "The Tao of Pooh" and
"The Power of Now" to be exceptionally helpful books.

~~~
TranceMan
Please don't see a doctor who will prescribe drugs. Cut out the middle man and
see a Councillor that actually wants to solve your [perceived] problem in a
cognitive way.

The problem is a state of mind and can be solved without drugs.

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets
you anywhere”

― Erma Bombeck

~~~
nollidge
A lot of mental health problems can be managed without pharmaceuticals, but
since all we know about this person is that they worry a lot, it's extremely
presumptuous to diagnose based on that. If the underlying problem is severe
depression or bipolar disorder or crippling OCD, then a drug intervention is
most likely prudent, at least temporarily. But that's a decision for a
licensed professional to make.

~~~
TranceMan
Reading back my reply may come across as flippant [hence the down votes] -
that wasn't my intention. having been through depression myself; I was given
the option of drugs to 'help me sleep' and 'help me relax' \- this was far
from what I needed.

As you say - we have no idea if there is an underlying 'problem' and as such
HN is not really the place to seek this type of advice.

~~~
nollidge
> HN is not really the place to seek this type of advice.

Well, a cry for help isn't really a request for advice, it's just an alarm.
There's good and bad advice in the thread, so hopefully some of the good made
it to this person.

------
RankingMember
Yep, see a therapist and talk about this. Any therapist. The important thing
is to mention this to someone in real life and get the ball rolling.

------
MatthiasP
This sounds a lot like you are suffering from social anxiety. It's a common
and widespread mental disease and is usually treated with CBT (cognitive
behavioural therapy) and/or antidepressants. Some studies show that regular
endurance exercise like running also helps. Do not wait for it to go away,
that rarely happens, usually the anxiety gets worse over time.

------
mckee1
I used to be the very same but what really changed me, and it genuinely did,
was thinking about the insignificance of the world, of everything in our lives
and everyone in them. We are on a tiny little rock, orbiting one of billions
of stars in the galaxy, which is itself one of millions and billions of
galaxies. And we're all playing this silly little game. So next time you're
worried about going to an interview say, or meeting someone you've never met
before just think utterly meaningless it all is. It sounds overly simplistic,
but really the attitude to have is: who gives a shit? (Note: This most
certainly does not to apply to everyone and if you have chronic anxiety, it's
often a lot more complex than this and you ought to see a Dr.)

~~~
dan00
> who gives a shit?

The problem with this line of thinking is, that you might ask yourself: why
should I give a shit about life at all?

What is than the point of life?

I'm not saying, that the "universal" perspective can't help sometimes, but you
have to be careful how you apply it.

~~~
robmcm
Also if you didn't worry at all, you would have a different mental issue.

------
jcutrell
Quite honestly, this sounds like a classic case of OCD. I'm not going to be
the idiot who tries to diagnose you, but I've dealt with mild anxiety issues,
and my sister has OCD.

It will help you to understand yourself. Take the time and the money, and go
see a psychologist, or at the very least go see a doctor. I didn't need
medicine to overcome my anxiety, but my sister did.

The behavior you describe of needing to get your things ready for the next day
is particularly similar to mild OCD behavior. Something is causing you to
obsess, and you respond with a compulsion to fix the obsession (so your worry
is relieved).

It is not only common to experience these things - about 18% of American
adults suffer with some kind of anxiety disorder [0] - it is also very well
documented and studied. Other people who have dealt with similar issues will
be the first to tell you that there is a bright end of a tunnel.

A few things that helped me when I dealt with it:

\- Exercise, every day. Often, this was really the most effective means of
relieving the tension, and it actually helped me avoid the onset in the first
place. \- Invest your time into doing something meaningful. When I say
meaningful, I mean something that helps another human. This helped me reduce
my introspective obsession, and instead focus on other people and how I can
help make the world better. \- Go outside. Staying inside will limit the
stimulation to your mind, and your mind won't have the imperative of
processing new and exciting information; instead, it will take shortcuts (you
likely know everything about your own living space) and the energy you have
will be easily focused back on the worrying aspects of your life. \- See a
doctor.

Once again, take everything I have to say with a grain of salt; I am not
qualified to give you advice or definitive statements beyond my own
experiences.

[http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/anxiety-
disorder...](http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/anxiety-
disorders/index.shtml)

------
mnsc
You _are_ not _a worrier_ , you are a person who worries. Disconnect your
behavior from your essence and it will be easier to change a problematic
behavior without the much more scary proposition of "changing yourself".

------
enscr
It helps to learn techniques to calm the mind and at times, completely shut it
off. I'd recommend a good book on meditation. This might sound like a cliche.
But, it doesn't hurt to spend half an hour for a few days finishing this book
and see if that changes anything for you. [http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-
practical-guide-peace-fran...](http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-practical-
guide-peace-frantic-ebook/dp/B005NJ2T1G/). Or you could browse around for
books on similar topic and find one that appeals you.

It is helping me reduce my stress levels.

------
rmk2
I second some of the other comments who suggest seeing a doctor. I'm assuming
the author is a student, since a degree is specifically mentioned, and in that
case, most campuses have a central service for health issues and/or
psychological issues. Many also have "helplines", which can be called
anonymously and might be able to give further advice depending on the
locality.

Worrying (or, more generally, anxiety), panic attacks etc. are not uncommon in
universities, so many places are equipped (and used) to offer help. Make use
of the facilities available!

------
mathattack
Are there two levels of worry?

One is within the usual bounds of brain chemistry, and can be beaten by
preparation and perspective.

The other is outside usual bounds, and is really a mental health issue.

It seems like saying, "We're just a small piece of the universe" to someone
with a mental health issue is similar to saying "Just cheer up" to someone
chronically depressed. It may help in case 1 but not case 2.

I'm not an expert, but I've seen people with true mental health problems, and
solutions that work for the masses don't work for them.

I'm concerned about the author of the article.

~~~
VLM
The multiple levels is a good comment but I'd suggest a inside/outside
analysis.

I did almost the same stuff the author did last night, getting everything
ready. Its just my way, "be prepared" and all that. The outside actions don't
matter.

The inside is the problem. I felt awesome last night putting my keys where
they belong and thinking about lunch today. Wednesday is gonna be a great day,
and so far, so good. However, author did the same external stuff and felt
terrible. And that's the problem. Not that he couldn't sleep till he got his
fairly reasonable preps done; I can't sleep either, but I feel fine about it.

"I'm concerned about the author of the article."

HN isn't gonna fix it, so superficially this is useless on HN other than a
human interest story.

"I live in constant fear of failing."

Author needs to crash hard, dust off, and keep going. Worried about failure?
Give it a try, its not so bad. And this is the HN and/or startup lesson for
the story, which does make the story relevant to HN. Being scared to fail
means you'll probably never succeed. Go ahead, do it.

------
bradleysmith
writings that help me (to limited degrees):

Desiderata by Max Ehrmann
[http://mwkworks.com/desiderata.html](http://mwkworks.com/desiderata.html)
Marcus Aurelius: Meditations
[http://classics.mit.edu/Antoninus/meditations.1.one.html](http://classics.mit.edu/Antoninus/meditations.1.one.html)

A couple of important thoughts:

-You're not the first to go through this feeling; great, successful people feel (or have felt) this way. Worrying is badly executed caring about yourself, and it's better that than to not care at all. Don't beat yourself up about it. You've already decided you want to change, don't beat yourself up about needing time to do that.

\- Life will go on with or without you feeling okay about it. Every moment you
spend thinking about some way you want the world to be different is a moment
you didn't spend doing whatever it is you want to do with your life. Your life
is your own, and whether it feels like it or not, you are choosing to worry,
and you can choose not to. There are a great many things you cannot change in
this world, and it's unfair to yourself to worry about them. You CAN change
your thoughts and behaviors, so change them to however you think a great
person would think and behave. There is nothing that is more worth doing with
your time.

-be easy on yourself; laugh about it. it'll pass into "what the hell was my problem with that" much quicker.

------
havoo
Was typing this out on Tumblr and the "Ask" text box ran out of characters:

Found your "Worry" post on Hacker News. I am also a chronic worrier. I blow
things out of proportion in my head and get paranoid of people's perspectives
of me, my progress, growing up, etc. What helped me was something my cognitive
behavioral therapist suggested, which was to always ask myself, "Okay, [worse
case scenario] happens. Then what? And then what? And _then_ what?" At the
time I was going through a lot of anxiety and panic from just graduating. My
thinking went along these lines:

"What if I just fuck up at work and totally mess up my first opportunity
straight out of college and then start back at zero-- no, I'd start in the red
because now I have no experience AND I have a termination under my belt. I'd
be fucked." "And then what'll happen?" "I'll have to continue living at my
mom's, go through the hell of depression and job hunting." "And then what'll
happen?" "And then I just get stuck in a stagnant job hunt just like last time
that'll take forever." "And then what?" "Hm ... I guess I'll just keep job
hunting and maybe get a few interviews here and there .. but augh, I'd
probably fuck that up too. I hate rejection." "And then what?" "Well, I guess
I could start working on some projects that have been on my mind while I keep
hunting high and low..."

After a long throng of this, I eventually concluded that I would:

1\. EVENTUALLY land a job SOMEWHERE, even if it's not ideal, thus ending my
unemployment. I figured I could start there and build up experience so I could
launch my career forward using what I've got.

2\. I could get at least a couple of back burner projects done and checked
off-- that would give me a sense of accomplishment, I would learn a lot form
the experience, and maybe even turn the projects into something.

3\. Hell, maybe if I picked myself up at work, I could reverse myself and do
better at my current job and not even have to face this ordeal.

The outcomes can go in so many directions. The point of the exercise is to
mentally go through these "horrible scenarios" to the end-- what we USUALLY do
is imagine ourselves in the midst of the chaos and panic ... but we never take
it to the very END, where we eventually get over it, find some solution, or
forget all about it. This is applicable even in extreme cases. After all,
people do suffer abuse and loss and eventually get through it. You can too.
Good luck to you in your journey.

------
nollidge
Like everybody's saying, talk to a professional about this. You're going
through something extreme but still relatively common, and you need not suffer
in silence.

Your school probably has counseling available, they'll be able to get you
started on fixing yourself. Failing that, talk to a doctor. Failing that,
there's probably a mental health hotline you can call to get started.

Good luck!

------
wldlyinaccurate
When I find myself worrying too much, I take a walk. I find that being _away_
from my worries helps me work through them more easily.

------
lwh
Exercise until you can't do anything but sleep

~~~
namenotrequired
This wouldn't actually solve the problem. At best it's one way to hack around
one of its symptoms - and a much harder one than just packing lunch and laying
out the clothes. Not to mention that right after a lot of exercise is a
terrible time to sleep.

------
ca98am79
I had panic disorder, which eventually led to me not ever leaving the house
out of fear and worry, and many sleepless nights. I tried many things (e.g.
medication, etc..), but the one thing that finally truly helped was
meditation, specifically a 10-day vipassana meditation retreat:
[http://dhamma.org](http://dhamma.org)

------
digitalengineer
This _free_ e-book 'The Flinch' might help to put things in perspective. "What
are you afraid of? Here's how to find out."

[http://www.amazon.com/The-Flinch-Julien-Smith-
ebook/dp/B0062...](http://www.amazon.com/The-Flinch-Julien-Smith-
ebook/dp/B0062Q7S3S)

------
headgasket
Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the
ability to say no to oneself. Could a sense of dignity help you feel right in
your place and at peace with your circumstances? What do you need to say no
to?

------
wrongc0ntinent
1\. There's nowhere NEAR enough information in the text to start diagnosing,
so beware of wrong assumptions and bad advice.

2\. There's an opaqueness around the post that doesn't inspire trust.

------
babysteps
When I'm not rested, my mind can play tricks on me. The annoying thing is that
being anxious can prevent you from sleeping, which can sometimes be all that
is needed to park anxiety.

------
seivan
I'm sorta the same. What helped me was my partner.

------
nickthemagicman
You should post this on 4chan. They'll tell you what people on this site are
actually thinking.

------
monting
What is your diet like? Sounds like you might have low serotonin levels. In
your diet do you get enough tryptophan? Consider supplementing it. I also
second the suggestion for meditation.

