

Ask HN: Correct Abstract Verbalisation for Bachelor Thesis? - erikb85

Hey guys,<p>English is not my mother tounge, so I need your help to write a correct version of my abstract. Please keep in mind, that the abstract should tell the reader, what was the problem, the idea for solving and the success rate of the project. If you can't find any of this, tell me. If something is written incorrectly, please correct me. If you find American and British English, please help me to find the British pronunciation (my professor was some time in GB).<p>The actual text:
"""
The company ticket-web GmbH &#38; Co. KG heads a big step in its evolution. The supplier of technical solutions for selling tickets in any way wants to create a Germany wide web portal to sell tickets of regional events. To measure and increase the success of this web portal, there was created a tool in the time of this Bachelor thesis. It will concentrate on increasing the coverage and conversion-rate of web users and is called ENTREE©-marketeer.
Increasing the coverage of web users can be accomplished through Search Engine Optimization, information exchange with web-databases and -catalogues and integration in webcommunities. Conversion-rates can be increased by adjusting the design and usability to the needs of the target audience. Aiming this goal creates the need for extensive and detailed analysis of the users behaviour and therefore for a good measuring.
How the marketeer helps ticket-web to create a successful and sustainable web business will be shown in detail in the following chapters.
"""<p>best regards
erikb
PS: An advisor tells me, that the german version might help:
"""Das Unternehmen ticket-web GmbH &#38; Co. KG steht vor einem großen Entwicklungsschritt. Der  Anbieter technologischer Lösungen zum Ticketverkauf jeder Art möchte ein deutschlandweites Portal zum Vertrieb von Tickets regionaler Veranstalter einrichten. Um die Erfolge dieses Portals messen und steigern zu können, soll im Verlauf dieser Bachelorarbeit ein Tool zur Steigerung von Reichweite und Konvertierungsrate dieses Portals erstellt werden: der ENTREE©-marketeer.
Steigerungen der Reichweite werden vor allem durch Search Engine Optimization, Informationsaustausch mit Webdatenbanken und -katalogen und Integration in Communitys erzielt. Die Konvertierungsrate lässt sich durch Anpassungen in Design und Usability an die zielgruppenspezifischen Bedürfnisse anpassen. Um diese steigern zu können, muss das Besucherverhalten auf der eigenen Seite detailliert gemessen werden.
Wie der marketeer ticket-web dabei hilft, ein erfolgreiches und dauerhaftes Geschäft im Online Ticketverkauf aufzubauen soll in den folgenden Kapiteln erläutert werden."""
======
RiderOfGiraffes
Hi Erik,

At a guess you've used Google translate or something similar, and although I
can have a guess at most of the meanings, it's really unclear what you're
trying to say. Google translate is very bad at translating long and complex
sentences.

I have a suggestion. Use really, really short and simple sentences, and feed
them into the Google translator. It has a much better chance of coping with
simple sentences. The sentences you get out will help us to understand what
you mean.

The alternative is that someone here might speak English (first) and German
(second) and be able to translate the German into English for you.

========

I think you've used Google translate. I can have a guess at most of the
meanings. However it's really unclear. Google translate is very bad at
translating long and complex sentences.

Ich glaube, Sie haben mithilfe von Google zu übersetzen. Ich kann eine
Vermutung haben die meisten der Bedeutungen. Aber es ist wirklich unklar.
Google zu übersetzen, ist sehr schlecht um die Übersetzung von langen und
komplexen Sätze.

I have a suggestion. Use really short and simple sentences. Give them to the
Google translator. It has a much better chance of coping with simple
sentences. The sentences you get out will help us to understand what you mean.

Ich habe einen Vorschlag. Verwenden Sie wirklich kurze und einfache Sätze.
Geben Sie ihnen zu den Google Übersetzer. Es hat eine viel bessere Chance, um
in einfachen Sätzen. Die Sätze, die Sie erhalten, Sie wird uns helfen zu
verstehen, was du meinst.

There is an alternative. Someone here might speak English (first) and German
(second). They might be able to translate the German into English.

Es gibt eine Alternative. Jemand könnte hier sprechen Englisch (ersten) und
Deutsch (Sekunden). Sie könnten allenfalls zu übersetzen dem Deutschen ins
Englische.

------
alain94040
Learning a new language is always tough.

"heads a big step"???

"selling tickets in any way"???

"create a Germany wide web portal"

"there was created a tool"

"aiming this goal"

"a good measuring"

PS: I don't think this is relevant to HN.

~~~
erikb85
Hi alain,

thanks for your help. I will look to find better phrases, to replace these.

@your PS: Yes and No. I thought maybe for a week about adding this question
here. In the end I decided to do it, because:

\- it is about what I hack \- As reviewing code sharpens your coding skills,
so might reviewing foreigners English texts to sharpen your mother tounge
skills. Thus, it might be to value for you. \- For sure, it helps me. \- It is
the way of the student (and all hackers should be students their whole life).
Maybe I can never give back to you, what you help me here. But I help
foreigners here in Germany since 3 years to translate texts and understand my
language. Viewing it from this point, I don't feel too selfish, asking here
for your help.

I hope, this reasoning makes sense.

~~~
alain94040
I feel your pain. I'm French (my wife is German) and I have been living in
Silicon Valley for 10 years now. I am aware of language barriers.

------
erikb85
Hi RiderOfGiraffes,

thanks for your harsh critique. No I didn't use any translater but my own
mind. ;) If you still want to help me, please tell me, what exactly did you
understand until now. Maybe this way I am able to see, where I have to start
changing things.

best regards

ErikB PS: hehe, I can understand all of your german sentences. :) Google is
much better as I thought (but yes, it sounds really like my best friend from
India)

~~~
RiderOfGiraffes
Hi Erik,

I'm not really in a position to help you just now - I'm really busy, and this
will take time. However, the original comment still stands. Currently you are
using long sentences designed to sound right for the context. Unfortunately,
they're not quite right, and there is a lot of room for interpretation.

Your English is way, way better than my German, so I don't really have a
chance to help. However, if you give a simple explanation, in English and
German in parallel, and keep the sentences short and clear, perhaps someone
can help you draft a complete English version.

As I say, I don't have time right now, but I think that's your best chance of
getting some help. I can put you in touch with a professional German->English
translator, but that would cost real money. He is extremely good, and in great
demand.

No harm in asking for a quotation.

<http://mussett-sprachen.de/>

------
erikb85
with guidance from HN and friends I have changed a little bit. Hope this is
better (but still does not feel good enough):

"""The company ticket-web GmbH & Co. KG faces a big step in its evolution. The
supplier of technical solutions for selling tickets in different kind of ways
wants to create a Germany wide web portal to sell tickets of regional events.
To measure and increase the success of this web portal, in this bachelor
thesis an application was created. It will concentrate on increasing the
coverage and conversion-rate of web users and is called ENTREE©-marketeer.
Increasing the coverage of web users can be accomplished through Search Engine
Optimization, information exchange with web-databases and -catalogues and
integration in webcommunities. Conversion rates can be increased by adjusting
the design and usability to the needs of the target audience. Aiming for
higher conversion rates creates the need for extensive and detailed analysis
of the users behaviour and therefore the need for a good measurement of this
behaviour. How the marketeer helps ticket-web to create a successful and
sustainable web business will be shown in detail in the following chapters."""

