
How to Talk to Little Girls - mshafrir
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html
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bluekeybox
On the other side of the spectrum -- as an attractive young man who first
bought into this philosophy that "looks don't matter" -- I realized only in
the relatively old age of 26 that I could control other people's first
reaction upon meeting me by controlling my appearance. Then it came to me that
control of one's appearance is a far more sophisticated and deep skill than
most people realize -- almost akin to programming. Caring about looks is just
as much advertising your complexion as it is advertising the fact that you
possess enough intelligence to have mastered the relatively complex skill of
controlling one's appearance.

There is much more to knowing how to present oneself than the shallow mindset
most people ascribe to those who are good at it. For as long as humans
existed, people have been equally idolizing and denigrating that which they
don't possess.

I do not mean to encourage talking to young girls in terms of their appearance
-- as a matter of fact I support gender-ambivalent parenting. It's just that
the author's attitude strikes me as hateful.

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cafard
"and twenty-five percent of young American women would rather win America's
Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize."

I'd rather win the Boston Marathon than the ACM Turing Award. I'm no danger of
winning either, so the priority could switch next week. Or maybe they look at
the 2009 winner and figure they'd rather aim for something that requires work.

"Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart."

OK, but I've heard this before this author was born.(I suspect.)

I don't tell little girls they're pretty, and I don't tell children they're
smart. I talk to them, when I do, without condescension, and we seem to get
along fine.

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jasontraff
Interesting article; so unfortunate that it looks so bad in my browser history

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Alex3917
If you're dating someone then I think it's ok to tell them or otherwise let
them know that you think they're smart or attractive every six months or so.
Less often than that and they get insecure, more often than that and either it
becomes part of their identity (bad) or else it influences the power balance
and relationship dynamic in other negative ways.

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pavel_lishin
So... you only compliment your significant other's looks twice a year?

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mattdeboard
Well you wouldn't want to throw off the delicate power dynamic in the
relationship by having her feel attractive to you.

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Alex3917
You obviously want your partner to know that they're attractive to you, but
there are healthy and unhealthy ways of letting them know that. Doing things
that let your significant other know that you find them attractive is good,
but I don't think that explicitly telling your them that they are hot on a
daily basis is necessarily conducive to a healthy longterm relationship. (It
could be I suppose, but it depends how it's done.)

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pavel_lishin
Honest question - have you been in a serious, long-term relationship?

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Alex3917
Two plus years? I find it amusing that what I'm saying is so controversial.
All I'm saying is basically the same thing that Carol Dweck keeps saying about
kids:

<http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/>

Is there really any reason to believe that the same thing wouldn't apply (at
some level) to adults?

