
Don't Burn Bridges: A Guide to Networking in Silicon Valley - kapilkale
http://www.giftrocket.com/blog/dont-burn-bridges
======
mattjaynes
Excellent points.

On a related note, I just read a good article on using small barriers to entry
as filters for your time: [http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/i-use-
small-barrie...](http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/i-use-small-
barriers-to-avoid-kooks/)

Most of the folks that ask me for help aren't 'kooks' perse, but they usually
want someone to make their dreams come true with little or no effort on their
part.

Asking these people to do a small task as a precondition of your help is a
great way to filter out those not really serious about the goal.

Here's how it typically goes:

"Hey Matt! I hear you do iPad apps! I have a great idea for one! I'm super
passionate about this and really want to get it going!"

Me: "Great! Before we go any further, it's best to sketch the app out on paper
first. Do that and then let's take a serious look at it!"

I've had many many conversations like this. Even requiring a simple sketch
filters out about 98% of these people.

Another common variation is from folks who want to learn programming. Instead
of asking for a sketch, I'll send them a link to an excellent beginners
tutorial to work through. I very rarely hear back from anyone after that.
However, those very few that do come back are typically great to work with.

I haven't always used these filters. I used to really try and help everyone
that asked for it. Unfortunately that nearly always ended up with me putting
in time and effort to help someone who I would later discover wasn't really
all that serious about the goal.

Small barriers/filters have been great for saving my energy for those that are
really serious about doing something. It's really been a sanity saver.

~~~
Monkeyget
What is the beginner's tutorial if I may ask?

~~~
mattjaynes
Sure, for ruby, I usually send them to something like this: <http://www.ruby-
lang.org/en/documentation/quickstart/>

It's short and gives them quick wins. Having their hands dirty with code that
works really builds the confidence they need to continue.

If someone is willing to even just _start_ the tutorial, that meets my filter-
qualification and I'm very happy to help them with any stumbling points as
they go through it.

------
ChuckMcM
One of those things I learned early on is that a person's nature is not always
under their conscious control and something I learned much later is to remind
myself that people evolve based on their experiences.

The second bit is where you have to be careful because it will trip you up.
I've known folks who came out of school truly arrogant bastards and then after
a few years of exposure to the 'real' word mellowed like a good wine into
something great. And have known folks who were great when I knew them, and
then discovered on re-connecting that they had lost their way. The short of it
is, holding a grudge against a person's past misdeeds isn't really very
productive. As a manager you give your employees annual performance reviews
and advice on what they should work on, so if I've not 'known' someone for a
couple or three years or more I reset all my specific expectations to zero to
get a sense of the person they are _now_ versus the person they were _then._

~~~
kapilkale
Holding a grudge isn't healthy, and people change over even short amounts of
time. And biggest of all, as someone who runs a startup this shouldn't take an
iota of your mindshare.

The point of the article is separate though. Hold the behavior of everyone
else in the valley constant. Given that, what are the things that you should
do in order to network with people effectively? The four listed are probably
some of them.

------
wheels
So, I'll be a bit contrarian on this.

I get a lot of intros. I get a lot of mail. But my chief role is not a
networker. My role is to make sure the company makes money.

It happens _a lot_ that I'll have some contact of a contact do an intro to
someone that they think will be useful for us. We've done enough deals at this
point that we can pretty quickly tell is an incoming intro passes the smell
test or not.

Often I'll do an initial call out of courtesy to the person that did the
intro, but I don't bother with a follow-up unless I smell blood in the water.

I end up dropping more intros that I'm happy with. It definitely bugs me at
times that I can't stay on top of every intro that comes my way. But it's
important to balance pure networking with actual business development and to
not confuse the two.

~~~
supahfly_remix
"My role is to make sure the company makes money." Do you own the company? If
not, you're a hired gun.

My unsolicited advice: be a professional, have integrity, make money for the
company. One day, perhaps through no fault of your own, you might not make
money, and the company will subsequently kick you out on your ass. Then,
you'll see the value of those intros you made.

~~~
wheels
_Do you own the company?_

I am a co-founder. From my reading, this article was primarily targeted at
founders, so I responded in kind.

Edit: As a side note, there's a hidden subtlety in your phrasing that's worth
pointing out. When you're an employee, your interests are still primarily
personal. When you're a founder, the line between personal and business
interests are scant if they exist at all. As an employee you'll often be in
contact with folks that (whether consciously or otherwise) you think may be
useful for you at some point. As a founder, that extends out to the business,
and the question of if they'll be useful to _you_ in that moment equivalent to
if they'll be useful for the company. Now, there is life after the present
company for founders as well, but psychologically, at least for me and I
assume many others, that realm is far less in the foreground than it is for an
employed person.

~~~
supahfly_remix
Makes sense...now I understand why you used "we" and "us."

------
staunch
I think you'll find you're far happier if you can avoid thinking like this.
Putting any thought towards these kind of minor "misdeeds" or even keeping
track of them is a draining way to live.

~~~
earbitscom
I think the point is more about time management for the person offering their
help to anyone who reaches out. There is an incredible sense of helpfulness in
the startup community and a pay it forward/back attitude. When new
entrepreneurs, or old alike, reach out for help, your first instinct is to
help them because you know how hard it is to be an entrepreneur. This is
despite being super busy and drained yourself. So, when you make time for
someone, even though you may not have much time to give, it's quite a waste
when they take it for granted. It's not about holding a grudge, more about
making a decision to help the people who respect your time and value it, and
not wasting your time helping people who seem not to.

------
ziprtwash
If someone introduces you to their contact, you should treat them with respect
and not fuck up their reputation by being an arrogant bastard. (But maybe
that's why I don't write blog posts).

~~~
tedkalaw
I think it's best to treat that contact as you would a family friend - you
wouldn't want to piss off a friend of your mom, right?

~~~
kapilkale
Yeah, your first sentence basically summarizes the article.

------
sskates
It can be surprising how helpful most people are willing to be if you just
manage to show up and not waste their time.

------
lwhi
The people you meet on the way up, are the same people you'll meet on the way
down. A cliché, but worth remembering.

Imo, if you're genuinely interested in what someone's doing / wants to do ..
you won't need a networking crib-sheet. If you're not genuinely interested -
what are you doing?

Also, good manners are free.

------
Uchikoma
I'm always astonished how many people burn bridges when leaving a company. I'm
not sure why this is.

------
knowtheory
All these points can be summed up into two points. First, make sure you are
committed to the interactions you are engaging in. Second, if you are not
committed to those interactions, make it clear to the other party (apologize,
etc.).

------
hristov
So the main advice from the guy from giftrocket is to send out giftrockets.
Got it.

~~~
jason_tko
Actually, I think he's saying be courteous to people that help you.

I agree with this advice, and I think the advice stands alone.

I think you should always err on the side of being overly generous to anyone
who spends time trying to assist you. So, if he built a startup that makes
this process easier, and then writes about it, I think thats great. Whats your
beef?

------
jjmaxwell4
I think this can be boiled down to "have self confidence, don't flake, be
nice". Reputations are built over a lifetime.

~~~
tomjen3
Be careful with that reasoning. You may find something which takes a lifetime
to build but only seconds to destroy isn't worth your time to worry about.

Go out there, build a great company and let the PR people worry about your
reputation when you drink margaritas on a nice beach in Thailand.

That doesn't mean that you should do things that you consider wrong or
immoral. Just don't give a hoot what people say about you.

~~~
ohashi
I think very few people can get away with not caring what others say about
them. What people think of you DOES matter. We don't live in an isolated
bubble and interactions matter. You seem to be proposing that PR people can
handle things once you're successful, however, my impression is (and odds are)
this advice is for startup founders before they are fuck you rich. If you're
Bill Gates already, sure, do whatever the hell you want (Mind you I think he's
doing amazing things for humanity at this point instead of being a dick on a
beach in thailand). But if not, this attitude just won't help you or your
company.

~~~
jjmaxwell4
> What people think of you DOES matter.

If you believe that what you are doing is good for the world, should it matter
what people think of you? I bet a lot of people think that Gregory Maxwell or
Aaron Swartz are criminals.

I think that having strong beliefs/goals is much more important then bowing to
the general social pressures of the day. If you have strong beliefs, and you
think what you are doing is good/right for the world, then it should't matter
what people think. The world might not agree with you, and your ideas might
fail miserably. Fortunately, we are lucky enough to be part of a community and
where failure is looked upon favourably.

