
I call my OCD ‘Olivia’ - SmkyMt
https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-45879034
======
lolc
When my mind is idle it will consider jumping off the bridge I'm walking over,
or pushing strangers in front of the passing train at a station. I never
thought I would do any of this, and the thoughts are easy to dismiss. To me,
these thoughts were just part of the normal what-if and should-i scenarios my
mind plays all the time.

I was surprised to learn that some people don't have these thoughts and
consider it worrying if I have them. I still think they must have a very
boring mind if they never consider anything off the beaten path. But there was
a time in my life where I had the recurring image of punching my conversation
partner in the face. It was quite intrusive and while I wasn't ever close to
carrying through I started wondering what caused it. I had to change some
things in my life to reduce this back to a passing idea like before.

~~~
linkmotif
I started having strange thoughts like this at some point in high school. I
remember the first one: I was talking to my supervisor, a male, and suddenly
thought about making out with him. It was really odd because I am pretty
solidly on the heterosexual end of the spectrum, or thought I was anyway.
After some soul searching I concluded I didn’t actually want to make out with
this guy at all, but that I wasn’t repressing myself either. Fortunately I
wasn’t raised in a totally homophobic environment so while it was a strange
thought that didn’t make sense, I wasn’t freaked out by it like others may
have been. At “worst”, I thought, I’m suddenly, out of nowhere, gay. I’ve read
about intrusive thoughts since then and it seems like they can really freak
people out. It’s weird that you have these random nonsense thoughts, but
that’s how it is, at least for me.

Every since I have intrusive thoughts every so often. A few times a month or a
few times a year. They range from considering jumping off things even though
I’m not suicidal, harming strangers who I don’t know, to harming myself or
sexual thoughts that aren’t actually characteristic of my sexuality. The mind
is weird! It does what it wants. It’s been a real trip dealing with that in
life.

~~~
laumars
I mostly get them when I'm stressed or anxious and I put it down to my brain
looking for ways out. Eg in a performance review I might be getting a glowing
report but if I feel anxious about it (eg imposters syndrome) then I'll start
fantasising about smacking my boss round the head with my coffee mug or such
like. I think my brain is working a scenario where if I get sacked than I've
proven I'm an imposter and thus have no need to feel anxious any more.

This is the mild end of the spectrum for some of the thoughts I get too (inc.
ones about harming my children). Its horrible. I hate those thoughts but I
literally cannot control them. The best I can do is distract myself from them
rather than trying to dwell on them but that's sometimes hard to do when some
of the more distressing thoughts randomly pop in.

~~~
lolc
Think of the brain as a pool of subconscious thoughts where only one can rise
to the surface of consciousness. To do so, it must be more exciting than the
other thoughts also competing for your awareness. The decision of what is
exciting depends on your past reaction to such thoughts.

If you're excited (even if not in a good way) at the thought of harming your
children, it will cause more such images to get through the filter more.
Because your brain thinks it's an important thought and needs conscious
attention. The solution (and I'm not saying this is easy) is to discard these
ideas as not worthy of your consideration. Tell yourself that they are not
related to your life because you won't do what they say you could do.

There was an article here on HN recently that used a nice analogy to explain
the concept: The Chamber of Guf[0].

[0]
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18259656](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18259656)

------
meguest
I struggle a lot with OCD. I have a therapist. We have techniques and routines
to try and reduce the anxiety and compulsions to some reasonable baseline.
Some days are O.K, others are torture.

My frequent OCDs include:

1\. Leaving the cooker on 2\. Leaving the taps on 3\. Leaving a window open or
a door unlocked 4\. Some kind of electrical fault burning down the house 5\.
Causing harm to other people, particularly when driving 6\. Searching the
Internet for illegal content 7\. Doing something awful/unforgivable and being
criminally prosecuted or losing all my savings in some kind of civil case

I never usually experience them at the same time. They come and go one at a
time and some I have learned to manage better than others.

~~~
arethuza
"Leaving the cooker on 2. Leaving the taps on 3. Leaving a window open or a
door unlocked"

I fret about these things a lot - so I take pictures on my phone. This
completely solves the problem for me and, of course, I never look at the
resulting pictures.

Does create some surreal Apple Memories made up of nothing but unplugged plugs
and locked doors set to music.... :-)

~~~
amelius
Hey, perhaps a life-blogging camera would be the ultimate solution :)

~~~
arethuza
I must admit that I occasionally look at the Hive app and conclude that if our
house is at 18C then it probably isn't on fire... :-)

------
stordoff
The way I've always described OCD, and this is probably particularly relevant
to a Hacker News audience, is that it's like two processes running. There's
your normal thought process, and then there's the OCD through process. You
completely recognise it as being irrational and ridiculous, yet it often wins
and never goes away. It's exhausting.

~~~
ashleyn
I have OCD as well. Picture opening htop and seeing a process stuck in D state
filling up all 8 cores.

~~~
teekert
But at least you are the one picturing the htop, you are not the computer htop
runs on. Does that help?

~~~
arkey
I'm not sure I understand what you mean, but for example an introspective
person IS the computer that it pictures, so to say.

~~~
teekert
Yes, but, it helps to picture oneself in the third person. In this case one
pictures oneself as a 100% busy CPU, and that may help.

It's a well known trick to picture oneself agonizing over something and
becoming aware that you "are not the agonizing" but it is something separate
from you. It will make you feel more tranquil.

------
yantrams
As a kid, I used to frequently do things in a pattern that I discovered much
later to be the [0]Thue Morse sequence. 1001-0110-0110-1001 and so on. For
example, "1" would be snapping fingers and "0" touching my nose. Never had it
diagnosed clinically so I'm not really sure if I even have OCD but some
symptoms tick the boxes. [0] -
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thue%E2%80%93Morse_sequence](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thue%E2%80%93Morse_sequence)

~~~
p0nce
Hello I had the exact same affliction as a kid. I would always do things in
ABBA sequence, up to your 1001-0110-0110-1001 pattern. I remember it made
things "balanced" to finalize that sequence. It went off around when I was 7 I
think?

Wow: [http://linkdot.link/thue-morse-prouhet-
sequence.html](http://linkdot.link/thue-morse-prouhet-sequence.html) =>
explain it very well

~~~
yantrams
Awesome :) It stuck around till I was 7-8 years old in my case too I think. I
still do it every now and then. Counting syllables and interchanging vowel
sounds is another thing I indulge in frequently.

Vibrant looks really cool btw. Will check it out. I recently started dabbling
with graphics and generative art.

~~~
p0nce
Hey thanks! The ABBA thing is gone entirely. I have difficulty remembering the
mental process that generated that, it scares me a lot I must say. It was
quite, uh, compulsive.

------
elwell
Accepting uncertainty. Exposure therapy. Trusting God.

Those things have helped me be master of, rather than mastered by, OCD.

------
throwitrealfar
To clarify, as someone who checks things many times, like the stove, fridge
etc. this is _not_ ocd, but “obsessive tendencies”, according to multiple
therapists. True ocd is one client they have who literally can’t leave their
house because they spend 8 hours every single day cleaning it.

------
agumonkey
I talk to my anxiety peaks. It's a bit like a meditative distanciation device.

------
wordpressdev
Olivia, as in Olivia Dunham?

~~~
the_af
From TFA: "The O in Olivia stands for OCD"

~~~
wordpressdev
I know.

~~~
the_af
Oh. Now I feel silly I didn't understand your comment. Anyway, I like Olivia
Dunham too and still miss Fringe.

~~~
wordpressdev
Have you checked her latest series, Mindhunter?

