
Ask HN: I would pay 100$/Mo if you can solve this problem - yamrzou
I&#x27;ve been struggling for a long time with discipline : started exercising, but didn&#x27;t last long before canceling my gym subscription. Couldn&#x27;t commit to a diet. A bunch of unfinished side projects and ideas waiting for me to work on them. And a lot more.<p>I read a ton of self help books, tried many Todo apps and planning strategies, nothing seems to work. I couldn&#x27;t create the necessary habits to change my life and become more productive.<p>This is a real problem, and I&#x27;m sure is faced by many people. I realised I&#x27;m wasting time and it&#x27;s costing me a lot. If you could offer a solution that works, I would be happy to pay for it, up to 100$ per month.
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DoreenMichele
You would need to figure out what the sticking point is. Without knowing that,
we're just a bunch of blindfolded internet strangers randomly throwing darts
and hoping they hit the bullseye.

Diets can work, but usually if they are intended to address a known specific
health issue. Then specific diets, like keto, have a pretty good track record.
But merely restricting calories because you want to be thin has a long and
well established track record of being the diet version of that smoking joke:
"Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done
it hundreds of times."

Some general principles that sometimes help without fully understanding why:

1\. Less is more.

Get rid of extra stuff. Streamline your life. Go for a spartan lifestyle.

2\. Try fasting instead of dieting.

It's not well understood why it works, but it seems to often be helpful with a
variety of issues.

3\. Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Just getting rid of a lot of junk will move you in this direction, but also:
clean your keyboard, try to reduce papers in the home, switch to nontoxic
cleaners, etc.

4\. Keep a journal.

What gets measured, gets done. A journal is a personal record of your life. It
can help you see what is or is not actually changing.

Best of luck.

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frogperson
I've had good luck minimizing the amount of time spent on sites like Reddit,
facebook, and HN. All of these provide a quick endorpine hit and become
addictive. As a replacement I spend more time on long format project that
require longer trains of thought. Read novels, start project that take longer
than a few hours, try a hobby like painting or pick up a musical instrument.

Don't let your brain become dependant on the quick fix.

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riazrizvi
1\. Choose one thing a month to work on.

2\. Keep a journal to drill down into the specific hurdles and drains that
prevent you from succeeding. They tend to be a mixture of diffused focus,
fuzzy goals, premature goals, scope creep. The diary helps with all of that
because it magnifies and clarifies your target.

3\. If you want I can do 2 1/2 hour coaching phone calls a month, email my
username at gmail. Six Ironmen have honed my know-how with exercise and
nutrition while working. I advise family and friends on both. I've also got
insights into side projects, since I'm 30 years into a career in tech+startup.

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mumbojumbo3141
Depending on a few factors, $100/m can get you a therapist or lifecoach for
1+h/m.

My therapist was government/donation susbsidized and ran $10/hr.

~~~
muzani
This might actually be the solution. I think the most effective thing for me
was a motivational speaker, the Tony Robbins type. It runs for more than the
budget of $100/month but it's up front.

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rajlego
I would check out r/GetMotivatedBuddies
([https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivatedBuddies/](https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivatedBuddies/)).
Committing to something and being held accountable to someone other than
yourself helps a lot. [https://www.stickk.com/](https://www.stickk.com/) might
also be helpful for you.

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Ghjklov
I wonder if your problem is entirely one of perspective or unrealistic
standards. Let's try to break it down.

Why did you stop exercising/dieting/working on side projects? Did it not feel
good? Or was it because you weren't meeting your goals? What were you trying
to achieve?

It's good to take some time to think about whether you should be doing
anything to begin with and pivot to stuff you actually feel like doing.

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valand
Dude, it comes down to what you want in life.

Being a fit dude in your 60s in your big beach-side house partying with
powerful friends? A shadowy person behind a powerful corporation? Having a big
loving family? Getting rid of poverty in the world?

Take note of it, stick it near where you wake up most of the time: your phone
wallpaper! Visualize! Strategize!

You'll realize that it doesn't happen overnight.

DO NOT DESPAIR! Take steps! Build strategy. Separate in milestones, make it
accessible. Nothing great is instant (except if you have a great luck)

Use evernote, stackedit, notion, or whatever that doesn't make you lazy and is
quick to access. Use Add to Home Screen feature to make a quick shortcut. This
allows you to take things off your mind to rest. Make noises that will get you
back on track, reminders!

Be calculative, but don't be cheap in pursuing your dream. Money is just
another currency to trade toward your dream and there are many other
currencies: relationships, mental health, physical accounts receivable,
someone owing you something, other people's attention, fame, incognition.

You will need to trade them to achieve your dreams quicker, (e.g. getting rid
of an invaluable relationship like toxic people that can't be helped anymore).
Trade money for mental health to help with burnouts by treating yourself for
every milestone. Trade money for human friends if you need them for your
morale. A good thing about human friends are, most of them will give back if
you help them.

Try achieving additional miles.

If a milestone doesn't work, DO NOT DESPAIR. It's just another obstacle to
work around.

If you feel something is holding you, identify! Sometimes it's trauma in the
past, your core values. Check if they're still valid, if not, trash them. In
my experience, it is always fear of something in the past and sometimes if you
get rid of your ego and see it from other perspectives, the fear is not valid
anymore and you can be free of it.

If this comment turned out helping you, trade that 100$/Mo to help others
having the same problem to do the same. If it doesn't, I wish you a better
luck finding a better way to achieve things, and I would like to hear good
news.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0)

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losthobbies
I struggle with discipline too and while I don't have much of a solution I
just think the only way around it is to

1\. Have a goal in mind

2\. Make it easy for you to start but hard to stop

3\. Do a small bit every day

To help with this is the "Don't break the chain" model which is basically
getting a calendar and putting a big red X on everyday that you have worked on
your goal. They start building up and eventually you don't want to have a gap
between the X's.

There is also Atomic Habits by James Clear that I am currently listening to by
audio book. It's a different approach but you may have tried it already.

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impendia
I know the feeling.

Personally, I find it easier to commit if I know exactly what I'm committing
to. So, for example, instead of "go to the gym regularly", try "go to the gym
three times a week".

With dieting, small steps can be very helpful. For example, here's a
commitment you could make: at least once a week, at the grocery store, buy
something healthy that you don't usually eat, and then eat it at one meal.

And don't kick yourself when you find yourself off the wagon, just get back on
it.

Good luck!

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blaydator
Find something that you genuinely love. Procrastination is not something you
have to fight against, it’s a clue showing you that you are not doing
something that interested you deeply. Do not chase success, learn to know
yourself and how you can be helpful to the world. Motivation will then come
“magically”. Hope I am not to mystic, let me know if I not making sense.

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florianmartens
Hm, I'd also argue that accountability would help. Create it somehow find a
partner with whom you work out. Document you workout in a blog, youtube,
whatsapp conversation, conversation on Eightygram.

Or, ignoring technology. Find a personal trainer. Or a really small workout
group that has some sort of trainer that really cares.

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jventura
Been there, done that.. Still overweight though, but not by much (~10Kg).

What has been working for me was a change of perspective, i.e., to accept that
life is complicated and there's not enough time in one day to do everything
I'd like to do. I now have a new "mantra" which is something in the lines of
"any-thing is better than no-thing"..

I too used to read a lot of self-help books, but now they bore me.

I'm still playing catch-up with a lot of things that I should do, but I try to
not overload my days. I have daily TODOs with no more than 2/3 things, and
each Sunday/Monday morning I go to my weekly TODO lists and split those items
through the week days. When I don't finish one thing on one day, I'll move it
to the next one, etc. I use evernote for that, but could use a text file as
well. I have some liberty in setting my schedule, so I try to do things in the
morning and keep my afternoons free for house chores, taking walks, napping,
or going somewhere to do something..

One cool thing that got me unstuck regarding things to do, was to sort them by
"Easyness x Importancy x Urgency". If you tackle the most easy, important and
urgent things first, you'll see things moving faster.. When you're down on
motivation, don't listen to those who say that you should do the hard things
first, as it requires motivation.

Also, every morning I do 20 abs on bed, then stretch my arms, legs, and do
some 20 squats and some 10-15 pushups. It started by being only stretches,
then abs, then 5 pushups, slowly moving along. Now it's a routine I have. I
have way more energy, my partner agrees..

Also, I have dry eyes, so I started putting some drops, 2-3 times a day, and
now I'm seeing way better, less headaches, more things being done.

In summary, it's the small things that add up. Don't try to do too much, too
fast, too soon. Accept that life is hard and that our behaviors are hard to
change (accepting != conforming).

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tucaz
There are all sorts of answers here and I will throw one more at you. It will
cost you 10 minutes a day and you can stop if it doesn’t work.

Look up the Wim Hof breathing method. I don’t know why it works but it does.
Maybe it’s all a placebo, but if it works, why does it matter?

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runawaybottle
Try this for 2 weeks:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/PSMF/](https://www.reddit.com/r/PSMF/)

The water weight you lose should help motivate. You can easily loose 10 pounds
in a month if you count the calories (no exercise necessary). It’s just a pain
in the ass. You’ll be hungry 24/7, but you will 100% get the results in a
month. Then reduce calories again the second month. It’s just math, it works.

I’ll add that I think the reason people give up on fitness is because they
don’t see results. Go hard for 4 weeks on a serious calorie restriction and
you will see the results. If that doesn’t motivate you, you’re shit out of
luck.

~~~
runawaybottle
Edit: I’ll also add, read that subreddit or the subreddits where people are on
a cutting-phase of their diet (bulking/cutting). You’ll notice everyone is
miserable doing it. That should help you get through it. It totally sucks, but
it has to be done.

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badrabbit
It helps if your goal was something else. Hard to solve this without knowing
your hopes and passions in life. One can always have a list of common things
people hope for and allow you to track progress.

For example,losing weight to be healthy is not a good motivator for most.
Losing weight to attract a mate or a job, or perhaps out of fear for an early
death is a good motivator.

It's a journey but when you make the journey your destination your experience
would revolve around starting and stopping the journey or tracking some
milestone as opposed to reaching some end. Of course people with discipline
don't suffer from this curse.

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kleer001
You might need something to scare the living hell out of you in a deep
existential way. Something to help you realize how little time you have left
in your life. Something real and deep and motivating. But nothing nice or
happy. Deep and dark. You need a rock bottom to bounce up from.

Now, you can manufacture one yourself. Or you can wait for life to hand you
one.

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amerkhalid
Long time ago, my friend was building an accountability social network/forum.
The basic idea was that you would pair up with someone who would call
you/Skype with you. Having to answer to a real person may motivate you to work
on your goals.

This might be a good startup idea if you can manage payments and phone calls
where people don't have to share their numbers.

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harrisreynolds
What is something you hate? For example... if you had to donate $100 to the
campaign of INSERT_POLITICIAN_HERE if you fail to do something over some
reasonable period of time. Get an accountability partner and then donate the
money if you break the agreement.

If politics isn't a deterrent pick something that is.

Sometimes negative motivation can be a powerful tool.

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jlongr
I believe that throwing money at the problem is counter-productive.

You struggle to commit yourself to so many things, but waving a 100 dollar
bill in the air will serve only to attract opportunists who will happily take
that money to offer you ever more distractions and diversions.

A product, service, idea, or mindset that is easily acquired is just as easily
discarded.

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andrefuchs
You could try cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt). This could fix the root
issue behind all of the issues you described.

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WheelsAtLarge
Here's a solution to the gym issue. Hire someone to pick you up from work and
take you to the gym. Once you're at the gym you work out and go home. Don't
socialize until you are done.

This works because you will not have a chance to think about it and back out.
Eventually, you will get in the habit of working out.

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gadders
Maybe save the $100 for a few months, and then try this:
[https://www.amazon.com/Living-SEAL-Training-Toughest-
Planet-...](https://www.amazon.com/Living-SEAL-Training-Toughest-Planet-
ebook/dp/B00U6DNZB2)

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Trias11
Love yourself first, alltogether with your "bad" habits and body.

Can you?

Nothing is wrong with you.

You're perfect. Done.

Now, how can you help someone else too? You surely have creative skills,
ideas, inspirations. Now, as fighting against yourself is over - unleash your
super creative and fun powers!

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jwist
Maybe you really don’t want to change, lose weight, exercise, side projects.

Does this show up in your professional life?

First step would be therapy and go from there. It could be something showing
up in all areas of your life and you just don’t realize it.

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trumbitta2
That's a psychological problem. Got talk to a positive psychologist.

Some info out of Google:
[https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/](https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/)

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samrohn
I would suggest something basic. Take a print out of monthly habit tracker
from here: [https://tealnotes.com/free-printable-bullet-journal-habit-
tr...](https://tealnotes.com/free-printable-bullet-journal-habit-tracker-
template/) and add the goals/ habits you want to achieve. Put the goals in the
order in which you want to do every day. Stick it on your wall such a way that
it is very visible to you (this matters as this act a reminder for you). Every
day check this list off. I have tried a lot of things in the past, and found
this approach the most effective.

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deadcoder0904
You can give [https://bossasaservice.life/](https://bossasaservice.life/) a
shot

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htanirs
Not sure if HN allows one to post their professional offering. If not, would
be happy to delete this comment.

OP, I have such an individual based program since I struggled with these as
well and could not find help. The program has been going reasonably well.
There is no upfront payment and it is value based. Which means if there is no
progress, there is no payment to be made and we do not continue the program.

But it requires the participant to be serious about their goals.

If you want to know more, please share your email and we can see if this is
relevant for you or not.

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stakkur
The solution is discipline. And you will never, ever find it outside you or
get it from another person.

Keep the $100, and invest it in a kettlebell.

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135792468
I don’t have a solution for you. I don’t think there is a software solution
for you but you are not alone. This is exactly me too.

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coolvision
Ultraworking.com, sign up for their activities and use goal setting and habit
tracking tools. Works for me.

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kindly_fo
Remove every noise/distraction from yourself. So you either do nothing
(completely nothing) or your habbit

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anongraddebt
Maybe you are like me and simply require other people around/participating to
stay motivated.

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mcdramamean
Break up your tasks into mini-pieces. Spend no more than 5 - 10 minutes on
each micro-habit then move to the next. DON'T SPEND MORE TIME THAN 10 minutes.
Do this for 1-2 months. Don't work toward any type of task completion; just
work for 10 minutes. Actual work, moving at an easy pace, but still getting a
few lines of usable code out(refactoring counts); doing a few pushups, situps,
squats for your fitness. Immediately follow that 5-10 minutes of work with a
reward (like playing video games, small candy, surfing the web, whatever YOU
REALLY ENJOY. No judgement. It has to be something you look forward to; just
timebox the reward to 25 minutes at most). Don't worry about diet; just try to
go as long as you can in the morning/afternoon/evening without eating (if you
can make it to 3 - 5 pm you can worry less about what you actually eat). After
1 - 2 months; add 5 minutes. Add 5 minutes every 30 days. It should be a year
or more before you attempt to spend 45 minutes or more on a habit.

Don't write any of this down. Don't try to "quantify your self". Do your best
to remember where you are at. If you forget, drop it down 5 - 10 minutes/ 1-3
reps/ etc. below what you think you can do currently (almost like take a few
steps backward). We don't want to make a big deal about any of this. We want
to be in the habit of examining how you are feeling and adjusting the process
based on that; while staying in alignment with our long term goals. Real long
terms goals are very hard to pin down to specifics and milestones. You are
better of moving consistently toward that goal; while managing your emotional
state on a day to day basis. The goal is never more important than how you are
feeling right now in this moment.

Have no definitive fitness goals for 1 - 2 years (as this is about how long it
takes to get the body to respond permanently to any fitness goals). Don't even
think about it; just work out in short spans throughout the day. Progressively
add 1 - 2 reps to each exercise every 30 days. After a year, attempt to just
go to the gym for 10 minutes once a week. NO MORE THAN 10 MINUTES (even if you
really want to stay). After 1 months, add another day to the gym (only 10
minutes each session). After another month, add another day (3 days total at
10 minutes only each day). From 4 months onward, add 5 minutes for every
session every 30 days.

For code project, do very small projects you can complete within 30 days
easily. Having a habit of completing smaller projects will pay dividends in
the long run. Make the projects modular so you can easily reuse things in the
future. Only build things YOU are interested. Don't worry about what language,
framework, topic is popular or lucrative. Only focus on what you care about in
the most selfish way possible.

To sum it all up, don't think about it anymore; just do it. And only do it for
5-10 minutes at the beginning. Follow with a reward. Progressively add more
time and effort over the course of months. For the first 3 months, don't
stress and move easily. Don't strive for any goal; DON'T MOVE QUICKLY. Just do
it with ease. Do it as if you could forget about it in 15 minutes it was so
easy. Make sure the process is getting done; and not worry about tangible
results. Just make sure you are really getting stuff done in the time you are
working; but moving easily, without haste or stress.

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thedevindevops
Have you considered... a dominant life partner?

~~~
jones1618
Maybe he could find out if a less extreme version of your idea works for him.
People are motivated by different things. I like Gretchen Rubin's Four
Tendencies as a key to unlock what motivates you. Some people are motivated by
being told what to do; Some are highly _demotivated_ by that. If you frame
your goal in a way that works with your Tendency, you'll have better success.

For example, if you are a Rebel, you might say to yourself "Normal people are
fat conformists. I'll boldly defy the odds and be fit, instead."

See: How Four Personality Types Find Motivation
[https://www.fastcompany.com/40560193/how-
these-4-different-p...](https://www.fastcompany.com/40560193/how-
these-4-different-personality-types-find-motivation)

