
Ask HN: How do you deal with being a failure? - man_in_business
I wake up everyday feeling disgusted with myself. I just sit in cafes and curse myself whole day, I have been spending months doing it. I keep discovering how deeply flawed I am as a human being. I wanted to be so much in life, I used to be in love with my work, I would work 16 hour days for years and be thankful.
I took bad business decisions, I threw away 19% of my company to a business partner who is now hostile to it, I spent years building the product and the company was just about to take off. It is already dead in the water now, even my lawyer won&#x27;t take my calls. Now I just live in despair and there is one else to blame but myself.
Has that happened to you? How did you turn things around?
======
PaulHoule
If at all possible fit two hours of cardio a day into your schedule. For
general fitness, weight training is a higher priority, but cardio is the most
powerful weapon against depression.

Go to your primary care physician, discuss your symptoms, get any tests they
recommend (e.g. thyroid) -- ask about a prescription for an SNRI (Effexor) or
a SSRI (sertraline).

They will start you off on a low dose, you should follow up about
effectiveness and side effects in two weeks or so. You might try a few
different dosages of a few different meds before you get the best response.

Also get a referral for a talk therapist, while you are waiting for the meds
to hit.

If the talk therapy and meds and exercise are not working for you, then get a
referral to a psychiatrist who prescribes meds and handles more difficult
cases.

Do the above in the order I said.

There are many other lifestyle things that could work for you such as: going
to church, getting a pet, learning a new skill, doing volunteer work, etc.

------
gaspoweredcat
ive exploded my life so many times its unreal, the key for me at least is to
look back and take stock of what youve actually achieved. i was a very early
bitcoin miner, and i mean when it was worth less than £1, i spent every one,
had i saved even 10% of whats passed through my hands id be set for life,
people often ask me if i have regrets, i dont.

the reason why is that i look back on my life and realize ive managed to do so
many things i never thought i would, ive been simply chatting about things ive
done and had people worth millions say "id love to do that" i always ask why
and they make excuses, usually "work commitments" despite the fact they
already have more than enough to retire on, they have success but got so
caught up in it they forgot to live along the way.

so you made a bad choice, write it off, put it behind you and move on and
remember to have fun along the way, id rather die broke with a head full of
awesome memories than on a pile of money with no worthwhile experience.

theres probably a balance in there somewhere but ive never been much good at
finding it. its dark times now sure but youll get things back on track again
and if life treats you anything like it treats me itll probably get ripped
apart again at some point but if you dont take chances youll never get
anywhere, id rather regret something i did than wonder what may have happened
had i not taken the chance

but then im probably no example of how anyone should live their life

------
CyberFonic
First things first, your health is important. See a GP and possibly also get a
referral to a suitable therapist. You appear to be severely depressed and
understandably so. So professional help is critical.

You are not alone. Many of us have had similar setbacks to you. Recognise the
sunk cost fallacy aspect of it. What has happened is in the past. Extract the
learnings from the experience so that you will embark upon new projects and
not repeat those mistakes.

"It's darkest before dawn." \-- let the sunshine in and pick a new adventure.

~~~
man_in_business
Thank you. That makes sense to me. I love you.

------
hacknat
My guess is that your living with a lot of guilt about something important in
your life. You need to go to therapy and talk to someone about this conception
of yourself. Viewing yourself as a failure and acknowledging failure are two
very different things. One will eat you alive, the other can set you free.

Please talk to a therapist about this and be completely open and honest with
them, even if it costs you a lot to do so, because you won’t be able to find
where you should go next until you’ve dealt with your past.

