
Survey: Average American Hasn’t Made a New Friend in 5 Years - Vaslo
https://www.studyfinds.org/survey-average-american-hasnt-made-new-friend-in-5-years/
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taurath
Our society is desperate for more social organizations in real life. Where are
things like the rotary club, the elks lodge, the masons? Cultures that live in
the real world? Businesses to support those groups? Fan groups seem to do
okay, with conventions that make meeting up regularly a part of the culture.
Board gamer groups do a decent job of mixing in the low range.

Its hard to find places in society where people go to meet other people. Bars
are sort of them, but you tend to meet a lot of alcoholics. Hobby/activity
groups are frequently too uncentered, culturally.

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U3RsZW9dziDY0hC
_Where are things like the rotary club, the elks lodge, the masons?_

Freemason here. These groups are right where they always have been and,
speaking for the Masons at least, are always interested in new members. Find a
lodge in your area by googling "<your state/country> grand lodge" and drop
them an email. You just might find what you're looking for.

~~~
Smithalicious
There's something oddly delightful about the contrast between "freemasons are
a secret shadowy club wanting to take over the world" and "we're always
looking for members, just drop us an email".

What do Freemasons actually do? Why would one join?

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throwaway04719
I'm not American but I don't know how it's possible. Maybe I'm still young,
maybe I'm living through special circumstances that will never occur again,
but I make friend _circles_ regularly. It rather snowballs easily: you get
into a circle, befriend some people of the circle who introduce you to their
own circles etc. I'm not especially charismatic or extravert, but I do have a
range of weird/niche/obscure hobbies that are easy for people to bond over.
I'm also very party-going, that may help.

I find that if you take an interest in people (actually listening to what they
say), things (discover new hobbies) and cultures you can never run out of
things to share. You also need not to be easily shocked by what you encounter.

I also noticed that American workplaces tend to be very sanitized environments
where 'mingling' beyond a very casual level or having any deep discussion
(about things like, say, religion or politics) is frowned upon and seen as
'unprofessional'. People getting fired or transfered for romantic
relationships and stuff. That plus the rise of online dating (which means you
can just pick people as in a supermarket, as it were, use them to fulfill
whatever emotional needs you have, and discard - ghost - them without having
to go through this messy social circle thingy) means there are less avenues
for this 'circle snowball' effect. What a shame.

~~~
spicyusername
This definitely tends to change for many people as they age. Focusing on your
career or raising a family removes a lot of the time and/or energy you have to
dedicate to these kinds of activities.

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mikelyons
I made a new friend this year, but only because we both were on the verge of
suicide. (we're better now)

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NTDF9
Too much time at work. Too less time building relationships. You know, run of
the mill relationships with friends at bars, church, local park.

~~~
nickthemagicman
Exactly work

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SketchySeaBeast
I'm not sure I follow the implications - what were those numbers a decade ago?
A generation?

I might also suggest that evite.com may not be the best resource from which to
get information you'll want to act on.

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troydavis
Good luck trying to find a copy of this survey or its methodology. As of this
comment, a primary source or anything like it doesn't seem to exist online.

Turns out it's a "PR survey": [https://www.onepoll.us/pr-
surveys/](https://www.onepoll.us/pr-surveys/) \-- created by a company that's
"uniquely positioned to offer data-led content which is guaranteed to grab
headlines." Perhaps your business wants a "Personal spring clean" survey or a
"Things that baffle women about men" survey; if so, these are your people.

Basically, it's a press release that happens to contain some numbers.

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ericmcer
Is it even possible to maintain more than 2-3 close friendships as an adult?
My strongest social activity with friends lately has sadly been playing video
games together and chatting on discord. It’s kinda lame but the only way to do
something together when you can only spare an hour or two.

~~~
scarejunba
One of my friend groups is around this too but I don't think it's lame at all!
I find we have that same sense of camaraderie online as I do with my soccer
team!

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bynkman
I guess I'm an aberration. I'm 40+ and I'm an introvert; and I've made at
least six good, new friends in the last three years. I will say that all but
one of those new friends can be attributed to hobbies and interests.

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pjc50
See also Robert Putnam's "Bowling Alone" (2000):
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling_Alone](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling_Alone)

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dpc_pw
It's hard. They might have secretly voted for Trump/Hilary. /s

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happytoexplain
I wish this wasn't downvoted. It's sarcastic, but not inflammatory, and the
political/idealogical divide in the US is a real contributor to this problem,
I think.

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bitwize
Yeah? And?

Maybe many of us find a few friends we really like and are good to go with
those people. Quality > quantity.

~~~
closeparen
As an introvert, I’m slowly coming around to the idea that quantity can be a
prerequisite to quality. It’s hard to build the right group of people when the
few you’re currently exposed to aren’t that.

~~~
hasbot
I realized a few years ago that not knowing anyone at a party is better than
going to a party knowing everyone and not wanting to talk to a single one of
them.

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zepto
Meaningless without comparison to other places or times where it is different.

