

Ask HN: Social awkwardness - taoseeker

Fellows,<p>Has anyone out there, at some point in life, had the impression that people, acquaintances, suddenly walk away, as if you had done something that bruised them?<p>I&#x27;ve lost many &#x27;friends&#x27; in the past and continue to lose as life goes on and can&#x27;t really tell what I am doing to them. The more I reason about it, the more emotionally distressed I get.<p>I reckon that it could be because I tend to take things seriously most of the time and people at the end probably find me dull and boring, but that&#x27;s rather shallow.<p>What would be good strategies to deal with it?<p>edit: typo
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amhark
In my humble opinion, before "leaving" a friendship, always do anything and
everything in your power to leave on a positive note. If you do that, you
won't have negative feeling towards them and they won't harbour any towards
you.

~~~
vijayr
This is good advice for any relationship, not just friendship - including
jobs, business, dating etc

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ky3
Dear Taoseeker,

You say you take things seriously most of the time. Thing is, most people take
things seriously too, and you need to figure out what they are.

To have friends is to give friendship.

And to give friendship is to pay attention to what things people take
seriously.

And to walk in their shoes a bit, climb into their skin, feel what they feel
when they feel what they feel.

Seriously, it's near impossible for your friends to walk away from you if you
take the things they take seriously as seriously as they feel they should.

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lovelearning
It happens a lot to me too.

What I have noticed is that those friends whom I meet in person regularly have
stayed friends, while those whom I interact with mostly online (due to
distance or schedule) have drifted away over time.

Personally, I'm not too troubled by it. I don't think it should trouble you
either - after all the other person too has lost a friend in you. But if it
does, then I suggest meeting them in person if most of your interactions are
currently online.

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GmeSalazar
It happens to me as well. As ky3 puts it, most people take things seriously
too. Problem is, perhaps what they do take seriously is not what you do. Try
to get along with people that share tastes with you (not limiting yourself to
them, of course). Common interests are key to social relationships; they seem
to be the glue that holds people together.

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olegious
Have you thought about reaching out to them and asking what happened?

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wallflower
This may or may not help. I read this recently and am thinking about it a lot.

[http://therumpus.net/2014/12/the-sunday-rumpus-essay-get-
rej...](http://therumpus.net/2014/12/the-sunday-rumpus-essay-get-rejected/)

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mc_hammer
working out; if your not healthy your body and mind will spend energy on
fixing urself when really your mind should be focused on enjoying your life
and feeling good, and the body strong and comfortable in any situation.

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percept
What do you really want?

