

How do you handle claims of neglect from your significant other(s)? - aswanson

You work on that computer too much, etc?
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cperciva
Find an understanding significant other (preferably before this problem
arises). My girlfriend moved to the other side of the continent less than a
month after we started dating, with my encouragement, because it was the right
thing for her to do at the current point in her career. Obviously there's a
certain amount of reciprocity involved -- she'll equally understand if I need
to do what's right for my career, even if it makes our relationship a bit more
difficult at some point.

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Jd
'A bit more difficult' ?!?

What kind of relationship do you have? An asexual one?

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matth
I just lost my SO a little over a month ago. In retrospect, I made a lot of
mistakes during the time I was working on my little project.

I have no advice, but my opinion, for what it's worth, is that if this is THE
person for you, I truly doubt you would even be capable of neglecting them
anymore than absolutely necessary. Sounds a bit off, but I believe it.

If you are with THE one, you guys ought to be magical. That doesn't mean there
won't be ups and downs (PG will tell you startup life is all-consuming, and
personal experience says he's right).

I lost my SO, but it didn't really phase me too much. She wasn't the one for
me. If you're asking this question because you're going through this problem
right now, maybe it is best to free yourself of unnecessary entanglements. But
if you feel the person you're with is the one for you, do your best to keep
your startup worries to the computer screen.

Oh, during the "good times" with my SO, I used to be a pretty spontaneous
person. Once the startup life began, I got pretty boring. Look out for that
one. I hear women don't like boring.

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inklesspen
Take them seriously. If your relationship was healthy before, the fact that
you have to be told you're neglecting your SO means you should have noticed a
long time ago.

~~~
joehere
Or it means that you're actually doing your job.

~~~
run4yourlives
Probably, but you should decide which is more important.

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aaroneous
Life is about balance. It's not easy to do, but you need to pay special
attention to giving the proper amount of attention, time and prioritization to
all aspects of your life. It's easy to get caught up in only focusing on your
startup, but it's not a good long-term choice if you want to maintain a happy
relationship with your SO as well.

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chaostheory
Ironically, I'm building a web application to address this problem... you can
check it out: <http://muchcloser.com>

Right now it's still at an early alpha. For now it just has some features from
highrise, but this will change in a few months.

It's public so if you're interested, you (or anyone else) can let me know what
you feel needs to be changed or added to meet your needs

~~~
Zak
When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.

~~~
chaostheory
so what do you suggest I (and people like aswanson) do then?

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Zak
I do not have any suggestions for you; I'm not especially good at
relationships and don't have much experience with startups. Looking at your
screenshot, it looks like your app is essentially a to-do list and messaging
tool. Most of us already have those. I don't see how yours will help people
balance their work and personal lives any better. Sorry to be negative, but
this doesn't look like it does much to address the problem you want to solve.

~~~
chaostheory
I have no problem with constructive criticism. I just really hate it when
people say vague things without any logic or details attached. From my point
of view, you're not helping me either realize it's a dead end or how to fix
it; you're just saying it sucks

On the other hand what you just wrote is a valid constructive criticism which
I really truly appreciate...

yeah I am aware of it and we're working to fix it... like I said, there's a
lot more coming in the near future; whether it's useful or not I'll let other
people decide once it's done

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run4yourlives
Listen to them, they are right.

Now get off the computer. :-)

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gwenhwyfaer
By not having one. ;)

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vlad
"How do you handle claims of neglect from your significant other(s)? "

Tell them you don't have time right now to talk to them about it?

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dfranke
What is this mythical beast of which you speak?

~~~
ydurt
Interesting comments.. I suppose I am an 'SO' (girlfriend/partner/lover etc
etc...) But for me the boot is on the other foot.. I have managed to get a new
job teaching cybercultures/new media stuff at a University in the UK, and also
work on a media streaming project. It is keeping my boyfriend enthusiastic
that adds spice to our relationship... I have also done a lot of new media
work with the British Association of Sex and Relationship Therapists.. and
they are having lots of difficulties with their clients complaining that SOs
are spending too long online or are disinterested. It's also revealing to see
that the problem of the disapearing SO has manifest itself as a piece of
software too. And yes.. I guess we are mythical beasts but the best way to
solve this is being honest with your situation in the first place, and don't
take for granted that your SO will understand or appreciate your devotion to
your project. The best thing is to try and get them involved in some way.. .or
end/put on hold the relationship. This works for me!

Happy days!

