
Ask HN: Have you overcome long-term unemployment, depression, addiction? How? - wallace_f
Perhaps everyone has some amount of tyranny or injustice in their life and I went through mine; and on the other side of it I&#x27;ve ended up with years of near-unemployment and daily compulsive behaviors which treat my depression, anger. These include: extremely long video game sessions, drinking, phone and web addiction, gambling, wake therapy, pornography and masturbation, and compulsive travelling.<p>I&#x27;m not sure how to manage myself at the moment. My ability to apply myself productively diminished after my traumatic experiences, and it continues to diminish in a negative feedback cycle of the above coping mechanisms.<p>In other words, I have little gumption at the moment. All my enthusiasm is tied up in escaping my negative traumas and giving myself a pleasurable existence. When I try to get myself to send a resume or study a new skill, all of my traumatic experiences seem to surface and overwhelm me.<p>If you have been through something similar, what changes did you make which helped you?<p>By the way I have seen a professional therapist and psychiatrist before. Unfortunately, these were not really productive experiences, and I&#x27;ve come to be inclined to think these suggestions might be helpful but might also be a little bit canned.<p>I care deeply about necessary virtue in the world, but I don&#x27;t care about taking care of myself anymore. This has led me to being primed for constant stimulation, therapies and I&#x27;m struggling to get back into a pattern of productively applying myself.  Have you been through something similar?
======
WheelsAtLarge
One action that has helped me immensely is a change of residence and the
people I associate with.

Getting away from your present environment will force you to start over. It's
amazing how we get used to our daily rituals without giving much thought on
how one daily action makes you fall onto the next.

Give it some thought. Think about what you would do if you moved to a new area
and found a job that does not stress you, I would suggest a physical job vs a
mentally demanding one. Find new friends that focus on things away from drugs,
keep you active and keep you away from boredom which will give you a chance to
fall back on your old habits.

Also keep your mind busy, I listen to audiobooks constantly. Find a genre you
enjoy and listen to them. Your negative thoughts will sink you so it's best
you minimise the time available for you to have them.

Also, make sure you believe and understand that you can change your ways. Keep
in mind that you will not fix everything at once so face life one day at a
time and keep moving forward. You will falter but you pick yourself up and
continue with your plan. I can tell you that it's only a matter of time before
things get better but you need to keep moving fordward.

~~~
wallace_f
I've been compulsively travelling a lot. Been around the world. I am mostly
not unhappy, but the problem is not applying myself and whenever I try to, I
get into these gumption traps.

------
sigmaprimus
Two things I find help me...

Number 1: Stop being a victim, its far too easy to blame things that occured
in the past for causing your current situation. You cant change what happend,
accept it and move on, I know it sounds like im saying just get over it but
thats not what I mean. Your trauma will probably stay with you for the rest of
your life, it sucks and I feel for you, but no matter what it was, it only has
the ability to affect your future life if you let it. Start by dealing with
the addiction, dont use the trauma as an excuse to feed it, if you have
cravings accept them for what they are. Lots of people deal with addictions,
you dont need any reason why, just be aware that you are addicted and take
real action to deal with it.

Number 2: Get your hands in some dirt asap, plant a bean, start a herb garden
it doest matter just grow something. The act of raising a living thing and
caring for it is extremely therapeutic. It will bring purpose to your life. I
cant stress this enough, buy an amaryllis bulb if your worried about not
having a green thumb. Grow something and your soul will heal. Trust me!!

Good luck.

~~~
wallace_f
Yea I really should be careful about presenting a victimhood personality, as
well as in the way I perceive myself.

My intention here was to explain myself honestly and I didn't expect it to
come across so strongly that way. However, I think there is middle ground
here. For example, I wouldn't want to hear you tell a rape victim the same
thing.

Anyways, before these things I was very successful in both career and personal
pursuits, and after I wasn't. So it is important, but I will be careful about
giving the perception of a victimhood mentality -- I know people dislike that
-- as well as consider if I am treating myself that way, though presently I
wasn't aware of this.

------
michaelbrave
Something I've ended up repeating more than I ever thought I would is that
journaling is about 70% as effective as therapy. Therapy would be better, both
ideal, but when you're in a pinch and need to start making changes, this was
what did the most for me.

Another thing that's an attitude that's been a bit of a carryover from my old
religion, is that when your struggling, help someone else. Often in the
process of helping someone you will figure out how to help yourself. You still
care about the world but not yourself, perfect, find a cause worthy of your
time and do something about it.

I dealt with depression almost my whole life, and although it's mostly better
now and has been for a couple of years, it still tries to crop up from time to
time. For me it was resolving a lot of identity crisis things, the parts that
were inconsistent, I ended up losing my religion, moving across the country
and pursuing new goals, a new career, a new life. Having a plan
helped(especially feeling like there was some forward motion toward my goal),
figuring out what I wanted helped, introspection helped, therapy helped(to
kickstart it).

Good luck, rooting for you.

------
mentalhealth00
I've fallen into a similar trap myself over the last few years.

Very similar coping mechanisms to you despite being "employed", down to
excessive travel (having driven something like 60 thousand miles in the last
year despite living 10 miles from work)

Employed is in quotations because I'm on my way to my 3rd company in 3 years
this month, after my last two fired me for being unable to care in a sense
(not showing up on time, low output).

Partially due to my depression, but I feel partially due to what you describe
struggling to get into applying yourself regularly after abusing those coping
mechanisms to feel "something".

It's a little horrifying because each time the transition to the next place is
so quick I barely have to stabilize, so I feel like I'm careening towards a
cliff.

-

The only thing I can say is different this time is therapeutic drugs,
specifically Wellbutrin XL.

I know you mentioned "just do drugs" responses coming across as a bit canned,
so I've included my context.

I don't know if it will really change things this time, but it has helped me
feel more human. Made doing things from my job search to caring enough to
maintain basic hygiene a little easier. It's a little easier to break out of
my gaming ruts. There are downsides, sometimes when my depression gets the
best of me, I feel like the accompanying anger is more destructive on this
medication, like I'm more prone to do something reckless than before.

But I feel like this is what will give me the foothold to move on, so if
you're willing to try anything, maybe try going back to a psychiatrist
(therapy is good but not for everyone I feel, you can get medications to help
without therapy as a start)

------
sysbin
Psychotherapy is a joke, imagine if you were overweight and the doctor said
just hope you will get thinner. The reality is you need the external forces
that will make your life better and some people just don't get them. I've had
traumatic things happen to me and reason I stayed sane was from learning
everything is cause & effect (determinism). How we don't have free will,
nobody chooses who they're born into and why does humans think any different
for what comes after? Arrogance, ego and society conditions the manmade
concept that's an illusion. Anyway my suggestion is understanding the
foregoing and you will be more analytical of yourself without being a victim.
All the petty things you listed, a person can live a life without and that
means you can as well. Confidence is what people care about for employment.
Majority of people in this world don't produce anything and are just
overprivileged parasites so matter of factly.

~~~
nradov
Why do you think we don't have free will?

------
meiraleal
When I went to the lowest point of my life (after bankrupting a startup) was
to give up on everything and start travel/move to the beach (yes, without
money. Volunteering, selling stuff on the street, getting used to hunger and
to not have a shelter). Well, for my surprise, in the lowest point of my life
I met real happiness and made lots of great friends (hostels are a great place
for that). After that, I got back one step at time, and currently (5 years
later) I live the best time of my life (for 5 years).

I'm not sure if my advice can be useful, but to change what I expect to do
with my life was the first and most important step.

Also, very important but very personal as it worked for me but can have the
opposite effect on others is that at my lowest, I started to smoke weed and
started to have long sessions of thinking, meditation and productive time
alone, reflecting or studying something new.

------
playing_colours
I would suggest to keep looking for a psychotherapist that can help. Also, try
to find a support group like AA, there is no shame in it. Immerse yourself
into some activity in a fun relaxed manner, no pushing: like gym, caring of
animals, gardening.

People here praised this book recently, maybe worth reading: "The Body Keeps
the Score" [https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-
Trauma/dp/01...](https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-
Trauma/dp/0143127748)

------
trumbitta2
Talk to a professional. I personally suggest you find a specialist in this:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_psychology](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_psychology)

I have one in my local area and they helped me a lot.

------
hookshot
I started to get better once I began to understand what had happened to me.
It's awesome that you are already aware of your coping habits, how it's
affecting you, and what you are trying to avoid. It took me a long time to
realize I had even been affected by trauma, and it took even longer to realize
how I was coping.

The book 'The Body Keeps the Score' that showed up recently on here[1] has
been immensely helpful for me. It explains all of the changes your body and
mind go through after trauma. Before reading that book I tried to treat the
symptoms and it didn't work. I also didn't realize that a lot of the things I
was dealing with were really symptoms of underlying trauma. Reading the book
is hard (there are lots of stories of other people's trauma that can be
triggering) and I cry a lot and need to take a break to self soothe but it's
been my roadmap to getting through this. This is the first paragraph of
chapter 13, when the book finally explains how to heal:

> What has happened cannot be undone. But what can be dealt with are the
> imprints of trauma on body, mind, and soul: the crushing sensations in your
> chest that you may label as anxiety or depression; the fear of losing
> control; always being on alert for danger or rejection; the self-loathing;
> the nightmares and flashbacks; the fog that keeps you from staying on task
> and from engaging fully in what you are doing; being unable to fully open
> your heart to another human being.

> Trauma robs you of the feeling of being in charge of yourself...The
> challenge of recovery is to reestablish ownership of your body and mind--of
> your self. This means feeling free to know what you know and to feel what
> you feel without becoming overwhelmed, enraged, ashamed, or collapsed. For
> most people this involves 1.) finding a way to become calm and focused 2.)
> learning to maintain that calm in response to images, thoughts, sounds, or
> physical sensations that remind you of the past, 3.) finding a way to be
> fully alive in the present and engaged with the people around you, 4.) not
> having to keep secrets from yourself, including secrets about the ways that
> you have managed to survive.

For 1.) yoga and meditation have been really helpful for me. Both yoga and
meditation have been clinically proven to help PTSD sufferers. For meditation
I enjoy using the Headspace app. I've mostly been doing yoga with Youtube
videos by 'Yoga with Adriene'. I would suggest starting with the video 'Yoga
For Post Traumatic Stress' or the 'Dedicate 30 day Yoga Journey'. All you need
is a mat. I've started going to in person yoga classes and it's been really
nice but I did yoga on my own for about a month beforehand.

For 2.) I've been learning how to 'ground' which is essentially mindfulness
with a focus on your touch points (your feet on the floor, your butt in the
chair, etc). The breathwork from yoga and meditation is also super hepful.
Your breath is one of the few things under both conscious and autonomic
control so you can use it to tap into the part of your body that is losing it
when you're triggered.

3.) comes back to mindfulness, and again yoga and meditation are really
helpful. After experiencing trauma I started to disassociate all the time. Now
I can usually notice when it starts and check back in with myself.

For 4.) therapy, journaling, and self help books have been helpful for me. I
would suggest trying multiple therapists until you find one you like. The
consensus seems to be that you eventually need to revisit trauma to move past
it, but you don't want to do that until you have the tools to revisit it
without reliving it. You might be able to do that on your own but I feel a lot
safer doing that with a trained professional. I've also realized that the
stuff I am dealing with is a little too intense to expect a friend or partner
to deal with so my choices are either journaling or therapy.

As I've worked on those 4 things the hold of addictive behaviors and coping
mechanisms has started to loosen. It's easier to not drink when I'm actually
comfortable being in my own skin and feeling what I feel. I still compulsively
check my phone sometimes but I try to acknowledge what I'm doing and ask
myself what need I'm trying to fulfill when I do it.

[1]
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21340636](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21340636)

