
Unlearning How White People Ask Personal Questions - rkudeshi
http://www.samefacts.com/2014/05/culture-and-civil-society/unlearning-how-white-people-ask-personal-questions/
======
Mukake
What a completely vacuous crock of shit. There are important differences to
understand in cross-cultural communication, but none are inherently superior.
Something inane in one culture could be awkward and insulting in another, no
matter what it is.

For example if a date or someone I was out with said to me, “Whatever oil well
you own, I hope it keeps pumping!”, my cultural background would lead me to
believe this was implying I was spending outside my means, as I'm clearly not
an oil-tycoon and shouldn't be spending like one. I would then be forced into
the situation of trying to downplay my financial situation, the opposite of
what the comment intended.

In the case of someone asking me what I do when I'm unemployed, I'd give the
answer I've heard many people from my similar background give, "I'm between
jobs.", which often results in polite condolences and moving on. “So how do
you spend your time?” would be somewhat off-putting as well, as it could imply
that you assume I don't work, which would be insulting in my culture.

Cross-cultural communication doesn't have some one-size-fits-all correct
answer. It requires effort on the part of all parties.

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Noxchi
"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm unemployed"

"What do you want to be doing?"

If you take an interest in people, it's not hard to continue a conversation.

Instead the author decided

> Hurr I heard a black person say they didn't have a job, better stop talking
> to him then write an article about not being too inquisitive lest you
> uncover people fitting into stereotypes!!

Which is racist because it implies the stereotype is true and that you should
change your behavior so that you do not upset people over it. Instead of
treating the person like a person and continuing the conversation.

~~~
marcomonteiro
I agree. I was a little thrown off by the quick link to being racially
insensitive. I figured he just left out a lot of context. It was also a little
strange that something like that wasn't disclosed by his significant other
(they were engaged) before meeting.

The first thing that really came to mind was why did it matter what race the
soon to be father-in-law was. If I was caught in that situation I would've
quickly asked "by choice or just bad luck?". Then either politely ask if I may
inquire as to what inspired them to choose to be unemployed or sympathize with
their situation.

Either way I think if your genuinely interested in a person you find ways to
move on in a conversation. In every relationship, whether new or old, you're
bound to come across some uncomfortable situations but you just keep moving
along.

Though I do like his other question more. It seems like it would lead to
revealing the things the person enjoys most.

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lemming
All the racial dimension aside, because I don't really feel qualified to
comment on it, _“So how do you spend your time?”_ is a much more interesting
question than _" What do you do for a living?"_. I particularly notice that in
the States people really tend to identify with their jobs, something that as
an outsider is often strange. I lived in Spain for a long time, and it wasn't
uncommon to spend a lot of time with someone before having any more than the
vaguest idea of what they do for a living, something that would be unthinkable
in the US (at least in NYC and CA where I've spent most of my time there). As
the OP notes, the answers that come from asking people about their time are
likely to be more interesting because they're more likely to tell you about
things they're passionate about, which is generally much more interesting than
their job.

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bjrnjs
I think it's equally strong when removing the racial dimension:
[http://mailp.in/ya7tN221](http://mailp.in/ya7tN221)

This is simply good advice, and race/class/gender should have nothing to do
with it.

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skrebbel
Just wondering, are race and culture really almost 100% correlated in the US?
The article seems to imply so pretty directly (conflating the words "race" and
"culture" like they're interchangeable).

~~~
marcomonteiro
Not from my experience.

------
stronglikedan
This is terrible and very overly dramatic. This whole "white guilt" thing is
getting old. I talk to everyone the same way, and have never had an issue with
a conversation strictly because of someones race. White people can be
unemployed too, and when you ask someone what they do for a living, its up to
them as to where the conversation goes next. I live in South Florida, a
cultural melting pot, and have never tailored my conversation to someones
ethnicity.

Just treat people how you would expect them to treat you. The rest is up to
them, and it's not your fault if they don't treat you how you expect.

------
vinceguidry
White people, especially well-off, career-minded ones seem to need to re-learn
the art of small talk. It really isn't that hard. You talk about anything but
that which is important.

Try the weather. Yes, the weather. Three sentences on that, and you're ready
to get more ambitious. Sports is the next rung on the ladder. Even if you
don't follow sports, you can still talk about sports. Your kids might play.
You might have had that one season of baseball you quit after three weeks. You
can't live in this country without having had some experience concerning
sports.

You'd be absolutely amazed at what you can learn about a person with nothing
more than small talk.

~~~
Mukake
Or maybe that's why they're well-off? Because they're career-minded and prefer
to talk about important things rather than wasting time talking about weather
and sports (sports actually being a possible land mine topic as well).

Small talk for small minds...

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vixin
The blog banner "Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own
facts." means absolutely nothing beyond saying what we all trivially accept
(though the latter half is true), that anyone can say what they like within
the law's limits.

Entitlement implies a right and a right demands an obligation on the part of
others. There is no obligation at all in respect of someone's opinion so what
can the statement possibly mean? We should stop talking about entitlement in
this loose way.

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vizzah
I find "what's your profession?" or "what is your daily job?" questions to be
much more conscious than "what you do for living". When people ask me what I
do for living, I tend to answer "I breathe". Because having a job isn't really
required to live.

------
muddylemon
Lenny Bruce covered this in his day
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua0TT87KNwo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ua0TT87KNwo)

------
ronnier
Race gender class. It never stops on hacker news.

~~~
thanatropism
Hacker News these days is like Tumblr/Jezebel but with venture capital and
"look at my startup-to-be nifty gadget" instead of "thin privilege is..." and
"we need to have a conversation about manhood in America".

Not reason, but sensibility. Not engagement with facts, but avoidance of
conflict.

