
Ask HN: Infertility struggle and work performance - sage2018
My work performance suffered due to the emotional toll of several failed treatments in last 2 years. I did not share this with my coworkers. As a result, I lost my job, self esteem and positive outlook on life. Can anyone relate to this and offer advice on finding a good balance between personal life and career?
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jelliclesfarm
I am sorry that you are struggling with this. I have no experience, but I
would like to share any thoughts.

1\. Having children and raising a family is a full time job.

2\. If you want a family and a career, you are essentially doing two full time
jobs.

3\. This isn’t impossible as many people do it all around the world. The trick
is to find support with family or friends or partners.

4\. Infertility adds another twist to it. You have just taken on a third job.
To get pregnant. And one where your reviews are not stellar.

5\. I am framing this in the context of jobs and working because I am using
your career as a baseline as it is clearly something you appreciate as part of
your life.

6\. Consider this..you have three streams right now. a. Work. b. Your personal
life. c. Your infertility struggles. Do you really want them to co-mingle?

7\. I wish you strength and courage. All I can suggest is to find a therapist.
If that isn’t feasible, start a journal. If you feel you need feedback, make
it a public blog..you can also maintain anonymity. There are in person support
groups and online support groups. We are more connected than ever before and
yet, we have more boundaries now.

Good luck.

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sage2018
Thank you! I appreciate your comments.

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oriel
I've had a similar experience with emotional tolls and performance at work.

I've found that having one or two trusted work friends to confide in helps
immensely. They can basically act as support touchstones, even if you only
talk about the topic once.

Compassion in the workplace exists, but mindreading does not. Knowing that you
dont have to shoulder the burden yourself, and be reminded of that fact, can
help clear the mental space we all need to do our jobs. It's not easy or
perfect, but it is doable especially with practice.

As an example though, I've supported coworkers in similar straights in the
past who only said as much as "I'm waiting on the results of some tests, then
I might just quit my job and travel the world."

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amorphous
Please get all the courage you can muster and seek professional therapie.

