

Sir, can you help me with this? - sprout
http://goodmenproject.com/2010/09/29/sir-can-you-help-me-with-this/

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ellyagg
Although I expect this will be downvoted for being insensitive (unless the
reverse psychology of saying so prevents it), I'm going to call bs on this
person's experiences. In fact, it sounds more like what a woman planning to
"transition" or who has transitioned toward being a man would fantasize things
are like. I'm an all-American looking US male, approachable and probably in
the 90th percentile with regard to looks, and woman (especially flirtatious,
pouty ones) do not ask me for mechanical or technical advice unless they
specifically know that I'm a programmer. Neither do men.

The people that DO know me know not to ask for mechanical help or advice
because they know that I'm not mechanically inclined. If it were true that
people who knew him as a woman started asking him for mechanical help because
he became a man, even though they knew he wasn't mechanically inclined, then
people who know me would behave the same, regardless of past information, and
that doesn't happen.

~~~
jeromec
I don't think he is necessarily lying. I can see the computer room story
playing out as described. There were five people apparently in the room, all
female except for one male. The female with the printer problem saw the
"worker" female was busy helping another female, so it was down to a choice
between one male and one female working independently at their computers. With
that 50/50 choice I can certainly see her gravitating to the male, and
possibly for more than one reason.

Next, notice all the other assistance requests came from people he already
knew -- co-workers and friends who should all be knowledgeable of the
transition. I imagine these people might actually be more inclined to ask for
"man job" assistance from their friend who now models being a man in a serious
way.

~~~
defen
Based on the picture at the top of the article, my interpretation is that the
putative computer-room woman perceived him as the type of dorky, non-manly man
("herb") who is easily manipulable by feminine wiles.

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johngalt
Since the author is new to being a man, here's some advice:

The reason the girl in the computer lab asked you wasn't because she thought
you had any exceptional skill, or that none of the women in the lab could
help. You were judged the only one supceptible to her charms.

They will either act cute/helpless, sexy/flirty, or they'll issue a challenge
("are you good at this? Do you know how to help with this?").

~~~
starpilot
That's pretty much what the author describes, actually.

~~~
nandemo
He mentions the flirty instance but seems to be pretty oblivious to the
phenomenon described by johngalt:

> _She has every confidence that I, the only male in the room, can solve her
> printer problem. (...) I am still the same person inside, with the same
> skills and abilities as before, but society’s expectations have dramatically
> changed based on my new gender._

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ErrantX
I found this quote quite telling:

 _I size other guys up, thinking, Yeah, I could take him._

I think this helps explain Tom's experience, because that is a very
"hollywood" view of how the male psyche works. I'm sure a portion of men think
like that, but I'd posit not as many of us as some might expect.

So Tom has this fantasy of what it is like to be a strong, assertive,
aggressive male. In my experience, though, such men (my second best friend is
like this) often tend to be extremely sensitive and vulnerable. Whereas from
my observation some of the sugar-sweet women I know can be whiplash when they
need to be.

Which goes to show there is a lot more to this gender lark than meets the eye.

I think there is some expectation bias in Toms experience, he will notice
these incidents a lot more. But I don't think this is a general observation of
society, for example as a straight 23 year old male I am pretty much the go to
guy in my friendship group when you feel a bit lousy and need some sympathy.

I'm sure there is still some bias, held over from the past century (even the
past decade), especially in the realm of computers. But I think it is
decreasing rapidly over the generations.

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rottencupcakes
As interesting as it is that he concludes that he "can’t deny that
testosterone has changed [his] behavior," I can't help but wonder how much of
that personality change was due to his own gender stereotypes, societal
expectations and generally just feeling like a man.

I've heard very similar things from pre-op transsexuals who aren't on hormones
and are just dressing the part. Dressing like a man makes you feel like a man
in much the same way wearing a suit instead of sweatpants reflects on your
behavior, poise and how other people interpret you.

~~~
lwhi
But then, I think gender stereotypes and social expectations shape the the way
all men function.

I'd imagine that in this particular circumstance, without testosterone, being
accepted as a man would be far more difficult for the author - because the
physical changes wouldn't have occurred.

~~~
stavrianos
I have the belief, largely anecdotal, that transgendered people tend to adhere
to stereotyped gender roles rather more than people in general.

~~~
Psyonic
Just me speculating here, but it makes sense to me that it would be that way.
Men who are born men don't really worry about being "convincing," as they've
never doubted it. They may worry about appearing homesexual, but that's still
different than worrying about appearing female.

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araneae
Alternate explanation: he was asked to help because she thought he'd be the
most willing to assist her, the tantalizing but remote possibility of sex
hanging over his head...

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GFischer
Reminds me of this article about a scientist that underwent a sex change:

[http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-
dyn/content/article/2006/07...](http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-
dyn/content/article/2006/07/12/AR2006071201883.html)

From the article:

"After he underwent a sex change nine years ago at the age of 42, Barres
recalled, another scientist who was unaware of it was heard to say, "Ben
Barres gave a great seminar today, but then his work is much better than his
sister's.""

------
edw519
_I size other guys up, thinking, Yeah, I could take him._

As a lifelong nerdy ectomorph, I have never felt this way.

With me its been more like, "Yeah, I could launch that MVP faster than him."

~~~
mian2zi3
Bubble sort? You just got your ass kicked.

