
Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker - NoIInTeam
How do you deal with a toxic developer co-worker?<p>I&#x27;ve been working with one for some time now, and I&#x27;m really tired of it. I just don&#x27;t know what I should do. Moving on and finding another job is something I only want to consider as a last resort, and I am afraid that if I do nothing, then I see no alternative, on the other side, I feel like if I do something, I may be forced to move on.<p>Background:
The employee is quite capable, and they were hired in as a top developer. Our manager respects their opinion about technical matters, and is a thought leader on how we should build our applications. The employee&#x27;s biggest issue is their personality. They constantly belittle other employees, usually to a coworker after they have left their office, when this employee dislikes work they have done. Anytime someone screws up in the organization that person is an idiot or worse. For someone who is supposed to be a technical leader, they set a poor example for other developers to follow.<p>This person is favored by our manager because they get things done when there is pressure. I know this employee has been counseled by our manager on more than one occasion. Afterwards, his attitude improves for a few weeks before falling back into old habits.<p>I am just not sure what to do. I have a few options.<p>1. I could speak directly with my manager. I am concerned about this, because my manager has a big mouth, and I cannot trust that my complaint would be 100% confidential<p>2. I could go above my manager. Probably not an option here. My manager and his boss are close. I think it would make things even worse<p>3. File a complaint with HR. This seems like the best option, but I have my reservations about going down this route.<p>4. Just leave. I would really rather not do this. I do enjoy most of my job, and I worry that the grass may not be greener on the other side.<p>5. Shut up and do nothing about it. Is an option but I would still feel miserable.
======
greenyoda
I don't think going to HR is the right approach. HR works for management, and
they're much more likely to side with your manager (who likes toxic-guy) than
you. Also, it doesn't sound like toxic-guy's behavior breaks any laws, so HR
might prefer to ignore him since he poses no legal threat to the company. They
could just throw the problem back at you and tell you to work it out between
yourselves. Or you could end up getting branded as a "troublemaker".

Similarly, your manager's boss is much more likely to side with your manager
than with you. And complaining to your own manager may backfire if he values
toxic-guy more than you (which seems to be the case).

So I'd suggest that if it really bothers you, start looking for a new job.
Otherwise, ignore it. If your manager is already talking to him about his
behavior, he might eventually improve his attitude.

For more on HR's role in a company, you might want to read this book (which I
read after it was recommended a while back by someone else on HN):

 _Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn 't Want You to Know---
and What to Do About Them_

By Cynthia Shapiro

[http://www.amazon.com/dp/0312337361](http://www.amazon.com/dp/0312337361)

------
vcool07
well, this is what helped when I faced a similar siutation : 1\. I took the
guy who offended me to an informal cup of coffee and discussed about the
situation. 2\. Instead of confronting him, I explained my perspective and
sought out his guidance to help me out.

It did help me in two ways : 1\. The other person realized that I'm another
human being just like him and not some "ideal code cranking robot" that he
expected me to be ! He even apologized at some point for any offense he would
have caused, explained his reasons and assured me that it was not personal.
2\. I realized that he was under similar stress for meeting his own challenges
/ expectations laid out to him by his superiors. So, helped me feel better
about myself , that the situation was caused mostly due to his inability to
communicate rather than any fault from my end !

~~~
chris_wot
That might work some of the time, but more often than not this just makes you
a target because you threaten that person's sense of self-worth.

------
paulojreis
Shouldn't you try to invite him for a beer and talk about it?

Also, be careful when stamping the "toxic" label. I'm not saying you're wrong
in your judgement, but maybe you just don't know what's happening with his
personal life. I have a fellow colleague which I always considered _at least
"cranky"_ since I joined my current company (half a year ago). Last week we
traveled to work abroad and had some free time to talk over beers - he
confided me that his mother was and still is very sick. Tough stuff, which
reminded me clearly how frivolous we all can be when making judgements.

------
kabdib
Don't go to HR. Don't go to HR. Don't go to HR.

HR is not there for you. HR is there for the company. Expect the worst if you
go to HR and ask for any help. Doing this will immediately politicize the
situation, making you the "bad guy" and you'll be on the defensive trying to
save your job so fast your head will be spinning.

This has been true at _every_ company I have worked at. HR might be a fine
ombudsman at your company, but this would be an exception that I have never
seen.

------
orionblastar
I had a programming job that had a toxic environment. I could not leave
because I had a house and family. It was during the Dotcom busts so finding a
job was difficult to impossible. I worked for a law firm that didn't value
their IT workers. While I wrote programs that saved them millions of dollars a
year by eliminating waste and missing court dockets was eliminated by writing
a docket calendar, they would only go by how much money we earned and how long
it took to get projects done.

A lot of the programmers rushed their code so it was sloppy and crashed the
system and take down the database. I had to fix those programs and also work
on my own programs. I got assigned Legacy Software Support and anything that
broke became Legacy Software and assigned to me. I had over 134 projects to
work on and had tight deadlines.

I ended up stressed out and on short-term disability, and when I returned to
work and had a panic attack I was fired for not snapping out of it. I ended up
on disability.

My best advice for you is to learn how to manage stress, no matter where you
work there will always be a toxic element to it. The better a programmer the
bigger the ego they have in some cases. Sure it is hard to get along with a
jerk that management likes and is fire-proof. But if you can change your
reactions and manage your stress better you can deal with it better. Don't
make the mistake I did and let it get to you to the point that you make
yourself sick.

------
moomin
4), and here's why: the manager is already aware of this behaviour and hasn't
acted on it. In other words, you're dealing with a toxic _culture_, not a
toxic co-worker.

By all means do 5 while you execute on 4, but you're in no position to change
the culture of the firm. Go and find a better one. (Context: I've done exactly
this.)

~~~
rajacombinator
Strong this. If your manager is already aware, then it's too late to fix. You
would have to alter the behavior of both the employee and the manager. And
most likely everyone up the chain as well because examples are set from the
top. Just bail.

------
Ellahn
He needs to feel superior. He is confrontational to prove himself, he needs to
"win" to feel he is better than everyone and validate himself.

If you call hiss bullshit he'll probably go into denial (sooner or later). He
can also become depressive, or even more aggressive. Those are defense
mechanisms. They are triggered in confrontational situations, the "fight or
flight" instinct. Men usually fight, women usually flight. Best option is for
him to actually feel good about himself, as people "at the top" do not
belittle the little people, as it would mean they feel threatened (and, as
such, are afraid, meaning they're not as strong as the other).

Best way imho is to be friendly to him, and when he belittles someone, instead
of confronting him, you approach tangentially, making him feel he would be
even "more superior" if he helped. This way he will be validated by his
experience and by his understanding.

For example, "man, you don't need to go that far. I mean, you've [been doing
this for a long time]/[studied a lot]/[put a lot of effort], you must have
made some mistakes too. And you're [one of the best]/[probably the best]/[an
awesome] developer. If you could give us some tips sometimes, II bet we'd
become an even greater team. :D"

And obviously, whenever you can, praise stuff his done well and ask for
opinions. Can be on conceptual stuff or whatever, just help him feel
"validated" for his good points and he will naturally shift to a less
confrontative behavior, plus he will focus on the stuff that got people to
like him.

He should do therapy btw, but suggesting this will probably make things worse.
If nobody can make this work, all the good devs will end up leaving, and the
company will be left with people that have no other options... Not a good
place to work at, unfortunately.

~~~
Asbostos
Helping people with problems is absolutely the best thing to do. When people
offend us, we tend to write them off as an "asshole" or general bad person.
But they're still a person with the same motivations as everyone else.

It's entirely possible that most other staff aren't showing him as much
respect as they do each other. He may feel miffed when he does something great
and nobody compliments him while others doing seemingly lesser things are
publicly congratulated. People responding to "assholes" in this way only
perpetuates the hostile feelings of everyone involved, and even makes their
behavior seem more justifiable.

Something to look for in a company when you're applying is how they treat
people with problems - either poor performance, not fitting in with coworkers,
etc. Some companies try to help the people with problems while others try to
get rid of whichever party to the disagreements is most powerless. I've even
seen a case where many coworkers were rude to one individual and antagonized
him into aggressiveness, then he was fired after taking a vote and finding he
was unpopular!

------
citrusx
My advice, to take with appropriate salt: Leave.

It's a seller's market for people with your skills right now. There's no
guarantee that you'll find a new environment that doesn't have one of these
cancer-in-the-locker-room culture killers, but they're not quite as common as
you're fearing.

It's not just this one employee that's the problem, it's that the bad apple,
the manager, and the manager's manager are all knitted together into a
situation that you can't break, which is making you "miserable". You may not
like the idea of leaving. But, given the information you've provided, it is
your best option. (Or, maybe your least-worst option.)

~~~
lultimouomo
> It's a seller's market for people with your skills right now.

This gets repeated way too often - bordering on the obsessive.

What are OP's skills? Where does he live? Unless I'm missing something
obvious, we have no clue about it.

I a vast majority of planet earth, it is _not_ a seller market for developers.
It isn't for basically any kind of skill, simply because there are no jobs.
Even if we assume OP is from the USA (which is kind of arbitrary), on in a
handful of places you can leave your job without a thought and be almost sure
you'll land another good one quick enough .

Now, to be honest, you said your advice was to be taken with a grain of salt,
but I still think it's worth pointing out the huge assumption - which is
basically that OP is living in Northern California, Seattle or New York.

~~~
egor83
Average level of HN audience is pretty high, and for people with decent
programming skill and good English remote is an option - with liveable wage,
if you live anywhere outside SFBA/NY/London; and if you live in
SFBA/NY/London, you have plenty of options as a developer.

------
MichaelGG
If you decide to report to anyone, is it a bad idea to keep a log of what he
says? Not necessarily audio (depending on jurisdiction), but keep a journal?
Then you can point out what insults were levered against which people on which
dates. It would make your complaint much harder to dismiss.

And it would be pretty bad if said report was leaked to other employees.
People might put up with this stuff one by one, but hearing the insults about
_themselves_ suddenly changes things. Though again, this might be a horrible
idea.

------
sinneduy
At my current workplace, this also wouldn't fly. Its just not worth it in the
long run, especially when your company is small (from a managerial
perspective)

That being said, obviously your manager doesn't share this ethos. In the
future, this is something you might want to filter for.

If I were you, I would make preparations for the worst and escalate. You don't
want to leave, but you need to be willing to and prepared to do so. If you do
escalate though, go to your manager. He's clearly aware of it, and ultimately
its politically a mistake to go to either HR or your manager's manager, since
it'll hurt your relations with your direct manager.

Doing nothing isn't an option in the long term if nothing changes. There's no
real point in considering it.

------
DanielBMarkham
Over many different work experiences, all over the place, my simple rule is
this: if I am thinking about whether or not I should leave? I should leave.

That doesn't always mean that I leave -- only that by the time I'm asking the
questions you're asking, it's always been too late. It was time to go a while
back and I just didn't want to admit it.

Good luck! I doubt there's some magic sauce or fairy sprinkle dust that will
turn a jackass into a flower, but perhaps your experience will be different
from mine.

------
onion2k
_They constantly belittle other employees, usually to a coworker after they
have left their office, when this employee dislikes work they have done.
Anytime someone screws up in the organization that person is an idiot or
worse. For someone who is supposed to be a technical leader, they set a poor
example for other developers to follow._

Question what this person is saying. Stand up for your coworkers if you think
they've done good work and the comments are unreasonable. If your coworker is
wrong then he won't able to defend his position, and he'll look ridiculous. If
he's right that the work _is_ poor then he'll look stupid for complaining when
the developer in question isn't there.

Just make sure there are plenty of other people around, particularly your
boss.

------
wisty
Is it possible they actually need a guy like this, because there really are an
unmanageable number of cock-ups? If so, it might be a symptom of deeper
organizational problems. They're hiring a head-kicker and a fire-fighter.

So you can leave (because you don't really want to work in an organization
that needs that kind of intervention).

Or you can speak to the co-worker, and try to come up with strategies for
fixing shit. It doesn't sound like he's just angry (otherwise management
wouldn't have his back), it sounds like he's angry at actual problem. Try to
get him focused on the problems that can be fixed (see the Joel test?), not
ones that can't (people issues).

Try to get him to focus on the process, not the people.

Or just leave. It's possible he's just an asshole.

~~~
monk_e_boy
> Or just leave.

I've worked a few jobs where a manager has left or been moved. Within six
months almost all of the team has left. People leave due to conflicts of
personality and or changing work styles. This is normal.

------
kathishah
How about just talk to this person directly? It may be more effective to have
the conversation about the actions and not the person.

At my current workplace, this kind of "brilliant a __hole " is shown the door
asap but most workplace cultures encourage (passively or actively) this
behavior.

------
meerita
I experienced the same in my company.

How I solved it:

1\. Confrontation. 2\. Talking to managers and tell them I would leave. 3\.
Giving him the attention and greet him when he wanted to do something good.
4\. Hear his opinion. 5\. Remind him my role when power argument arise. 6\.
Indifference and segregation also worked well. The company started to avoid
him.

If none of these calm him, then I would simply leave. There´s no need to gift
life and sanity for a jerk.

------
trcollinson
I assume by your post that you are one of the people who thus coworker is
speaking badly of. Either that or you are a person who this coworker is
speaking to about others. In either case, it can be uncomfortable.

Have you thought about talking to your coworker directly? I know this may
sound rough right now and I don't suggest being confrontational. Maybe just
ask him out to lunch with you. Build a relationship. It's hard to be mean to a
friend... You could become his friend. I had a similar situation recently with
a coworker. At a company lunch I noticed this particular coworker was not
invited to sit with anyone. I invited him over. We chatted about non-work
things. Our relationship did improve. He's still overbearing and mean, but
less so. Our relationship has improved.

Also, are his evaluations actually incorrect? Sometimes people are mean and
honest at the same time. Are the people he is speaking badly about actually
completing work poorly? Is he having to pick up their slack? Does he have to
work late or harder because of them? He is purely venting his honest
frustration?

------
ruraljuror
Your coworker's behavior is extreme, but your response shouldn't be. It is not
your job to manage your coworker's interactions with others, and your manager
already seems aware of the situation. Instead you have a responsibility to
yourself as well as your team. You should empower yourself to act on your
beliefs. It's telling that none of your five options include speaking to your
coworker or trying to enact any change yourself.

If, for example, your coworker begins to belittle someone else once they leave
the room, you could say something like: "I don't think that null-reference
exception makes them an idiot, but that's why we have code review," or
"...perhaps we should have code review," or "...perhaps you could show them
how you have handled a similar problem in your code, so we could learn from
it."

When you interact with your coworker, use professionalism as a tool: keep the
topic relevant to business and remain as unemotional as possible. If you start
to become emotional or if your coworker becomes emotional slow down what you
are saying to give yourself time. You can also repeat what he or she is
saying, in order to confirm or mirror it.

If you keep it professional no one is going to blame you. Obviously you can
get away with much worse, but you need to indicate to this person that it's
not ok to talk that way around you. If you're feeling that way and your
manager is feeling that way, then other people probably are. If you act
professionally, you will give your coworker a dignified way of changing their
behavior. Everyone, especially management, will want to avoid drama; but that
doesn't mean you should let this person do whatever he or she wants. Right now
you're enabling that behavior.

Finally, you should think very carefully about leaving your job because of one
other person. That is a major life decision you are making, all because of one
jackass. What are you going to do at the next job if you don't like someone? I
would try to at least exert some influence yourself before changing your
entire work life.

------
huangc10
I've had a similar experience with a fellow co-worker. In fact, my manager
also saw this as an issue but the toxic co-worker was too important to the
team. I suffered through it for a year and ultimately left in the end
(although for different reasons). I guess what I'm trying to say is, having a
toxic co-worker isn't the end of the world. Keep on learning and do your job.
If at the point you find yourself not learning as much and not enjoying your
job (and your co-worker is still toxic), it means it's time to move on. By
that time you'll have learned how to deal with and thrive around a co-worker
who is "toxic". Live, learn, adapt.

------
sheepmullet
Perhaps it's the situation rather than the person?

Ive worked in high pressure environments before and a little bit of venting is
incredibly tame.

From the sounds of it whenever there is a crises he is the one expected to
take care of it.

The easiest way to fix it is to take on a chunk of the responsibility
yourself. At the very least it will give you a better understanding of the
pressure he is under.

If I have to work through the weekend fixing critical problems caused by
careless coworkers then I'll probably have a whinge. If you make me miss out
on spending time with my wife and kids.... Of course I'll be a bit frustrated
with you.

------
mikekchar
To sum up the situation, you have a co-worker that you can't work well with
because of their behaviour. Your manager is aware of the situation and tried,
but failed to get the co-worker to change their behaviour.

To make life easy for you, I'll lay out your options:

\- Go to your manager with a plan for improving the co-worker's behaviour. Any
other conversation about it will be pointless because the manager has shown
that they are unable to fix the problem without help.

\- Go to your co-worker and find a way to convince them to change their
behaviour. Remember that the manager has already tried and failed at this. You
will have to try an approach other than saying "I would really like you to
change your behaviour".

\- Engineer the termination of employment of the co-worker by means fair or
foul. (Note that going above your direct manager or to HR is essentially an
attempt in this direction).

\- Find a way to be happy in your work, despite your co-worker's behaviour.

\- Engineer your own termination of employment.

I think only one of these approaches is easy and none are without risk. If you
are willing and able to help your co-worker, this is likely to have the best
possible outcome. The chances for success, though, are vanishingly small.

Improving the quality of the team by engineering other people's termination is
something that is not so difficult if you know how to do it, but it rather
paints a big arrow at your head with the caption "I am evil". Whether you want
to go down this route is entirely up to you. It often makes your team happy at
the expense of the person you are targeting.

Finding a way to be happy despite the poor behaviour of your colleagues is a
very nice outcome for yourself, personally, but it doesn't do much to help
others who share your situation. Still, if you wait long enough, the co-worker
in questions may gather enough rope to hang themselves.

Finally, you can leave. Knowing when you have had enough is a wonderful wisdom
to have. There are risks, as you have said and nobody can evaluate them for
you.

It's not a good situation to be in. It's not entirely uncommon, though, given
the short period of time people tend to stay in groups in this field, you are
likely to encounter the situation again sometime in the future. Building your
own skills so that you can help people who suffer from being assholes is
something that can be quite valuable (and even marketable). Alas, I have never
learned the knack myself.

~~~
calibraxis
Interesting, how do you engineer termination? (I imagine one must discover
ways to raise all sorts of costs so it's eventually worth it for them to be
gone.)

~~~
mikekchar
It's not hard to get people to leave voluntarily -- especially if they are
technically competent. Management can easily do it by simply underpaying.
Eventually the person will find a better paying job. If you want to get rid of
someone and you are not in management, then just imagine all the crap things
people have done to you in the past that made you want to quit. It's not hard.

Of course in true Machievillian fashion, I don't actually recommend this. It's
the type of stuff that makes teams dysfunctional. One of the things that makes
this all difficult is the question, "Who is the asshole who is making this
project so difficult to work on?" Nobody answers with "Me". Engaging in petty
politics to force people out is what makes _you_ the asshole -- even if you
are doing it to get rid of a different asshole.

Choosing to help the other guy, even if you think you have almost no chance of
success, is what makes you the good guy. The problem is... you have almost no
chance of success, the asshole probably won't thank you, and they will
actually probably try to get you fired. Which is why sitting in your cubicle
minding your own business is really attractive. But, of course, that just
enables the asshole.

Leaving abdicates responsibility and leaves your mates with one less ally.

It's the Kobayashi Maru scenario :-) There is no right answer. It is simply a
test of character.

------
saluki
1\. no, he likes this guy 2\. no, your mgr will be upset going over his head
3\. definitely not, you'll be the bad guy 4\. no, stick it out 5\. yes, try to
expect this behavior out of him maybe it won't bother you so much, not the
best team player but sounds like he can't change even when counseled by your
mgr. Maybe try to take more of a lead congratulating other team members when
things go well and helping them learn from mistakes when things do not. Maybe
he'll see this and follow your leadership.

------
Bahamut
Personally, I would escalate, and be ready to leave - this situation is
clearly grating on you, and there may be no positive resolution, so it may not
be worth fighting here.

On the other end of options, you could grit your teeth and tolerate this
further if you don't feel like it's a battle you want to fight.

It's about what you feel is best for you/what you are willing to tolerate. I
personally would prepare to leave, as taking verbal abuse often with co-
workers is not the type of work environment I want to be in, but that is me.

------
simmers
I recently left a company where the CTO was exactly this kind of personality.
He's actually an awful programmer but he complains so much about other
people's code that management sees him as the authoritative figure. Despite
his behavior directly causing a high turnover rate for engineering, the
founders have still kept him around because they're brainwashed into his
elitist point of view. When you're in a situation like that, you're better off
jumping ship. Nothing will improve...

------
zhte415
I wrote a whole load about my own experiences, but deleted it, because it
could be bad advice.

I say that because I don't know your organisational structure and culture.
I've done all you've written above, and sometimes it went well, other times
not so well. 5 in particular.

Something I recommend for everyone to do is find someone to be a mentor. I
have a couple, one a former boss I stay in contact with, the other someone
that just took a liking to me. I'm sure I'd have more had I been aware of the
power of simply making an effort to stay in contact. For you it could be
someone that goes to the same gym, restaurant, or any common connection to
bond over. Cultivate that relationship, but don't make it seem like sucking
up, because it shouldn't be. No mentor likes sucking up, but they all like
being able to share some wisdom and like seeing the results.

------
calibraxis
Some info missing:

\- Does your team lack the ability to healthily self-critique, with the goal
of improvement?

\- Are your coworker's criticisms usually right?

\- Do they dominate discussions so others can't get a word in edgewise, or are
they an active listener?

\- What do other coworkers do/think about your coworker?

If you can get a healthy process in place to self-critique, with action
points... and where everyone has the ability to speak (with a facilitator who
tries to understand why some people aren't speaking), that's a possible
solution. That provides a constructive vent for your coworker's critiques.

This book is the best I know at discussing team dysfunction: [http://model-
view-culture.myshopify.com/products/your-startu...](http://model-view-
culture.myshopify.com/products/your-startup-is-broken)

------
tallanvor
As someone who is often perceived to be too negative or worse (although I've
improved a lot over the years), I can tell you that in terms of the options
you're considering, the best solution is different, but does involve #1.

First, recognize that not everyone thinks the same, or has the same style.
Consider that just like his attitude upsets you, your (or your coworkers)
attitudes may be upsetting him. This is key to coming up with a solution that
works for everyone.

Second, understand that this is probably more venting than anything. The guy
is getting frustrated and knows he can't (and shouldn't) take it out on people
he sees as having messed up. This doesn't make it right, but consider that the
guy is trying not to be toxic.

Third, the guy needs regular feedback about this. --You mention that when your
manager talks to him, things improve for a time. This ties into my second
point, that the guy is actually trying. You may or may not be in a position
where he'll listen to you. I'd recommend trying to talk to him about this
directly. When you do this, don't beat around the bush. --Tell him that you
know he's good at what he does, but that the constant complaining about
coworkers makes it hard for you and others to work with him. I _really_
recommend that you do this. Or if not you, the coworker who he seems to have
the most respect for - it'll often mean more coming from a coworker than a
manager.

Fourth, ask your manager to follow up regularly. --He needs to help keep
reinforcing the attitude change so that the guy doesn't fall back into old
habits.

Finally, consider offering the guy a chance to vent over lunch once a week or
so away from the office. --This helps give him a chance to get things off his
chest, but to do it somewhere that it doesn't hurt others. And it might give
you a chance to give him some insights of your own about the people he
complains about.

This guy may never be your ideal coworker, but you can probably help find the
middle ground that makes things better for everyone.

------
kennytilton
I do not see where you have a problem. You do not mention him accosting you,
all you describe is having to listen to him rag on others. Perhaps the problem
is you being too tuned into his unpleasantness. In which case moving on will
not help, because us capable geek jerks are everywhere.

Remember, he is not your partner or your friend, he is just there. You do not
have to let him under your skin. Turn down the gain on your butthead antenna.
Visualize a force field around you off which his assininity just bounces. That
is how most people (including my best friends) deal with me: they just do not
listen to me.

This is an incredible growth opportunity for you. Seize it! You will tolerate
us idiots more effectively for the rest of your life.

------
sailking
Honestly, I would say something to your manager. I would try and step away and
not get personal about it, refer along the lines of "the attitude is deamining
to other developers" and "can harm retention and acquisition of new talent".

I was recently in a similar situation where anyone disagreeing with the
"golden boy" was chided by him. He's just another bully, generally when you
stand up they leave you alone.

I had a word with my bosses boss and my boss at the same time, said basically
I have thick skin, but at the end of the day his behaviour is pissing me off,
something needs to be done because if a Jr was being "coached" they would
likely freak out due to the condescending manner.

Good luck!

------
aikah
option 4 or 5 .

If it is a big corp ask to be transferred to another position for instance.
There is nothing you can do about assholes, other than avoid them, especially
if they are fully supported by the hierarchy.

------
DavideNL
It might be a good idea to regularly confront him with the things he says
about other employees (in a subtle way), in front of those other employees,
and thereby creating an uncomfortable situation that he has to handle.

By doing so other employees will then become to know what you already know,
and some solution is more likely to arise.

In any case, before this thing starts impacting your mood outside of work,
definitely leave the company. (i have been in the exact same situation and
regret not leaving that company much earlier.)

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weddpros
In my opinion, don't involve a tier. You can't report a problem that has no
solution: it's nobody's job to change the toxic co-worker.

Go talk to him, tell him how he makes you feel (not "you do this, you do
that", but "I feel like shit when you say X"). And ask him to be kind/patient
to less experienced devs.

Make him feel important by requesting his mentorship instead of acid
complaints.

Tell him he can help empower others instead of belittling them.

Talking to a manager will only make things worse.

------
alphaBet123
How big is your organization? Is it possible for you to switch teams to get
away from this guy and is that something you'd be interested in doing?

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MalcolmDiggs
That depends: How are their actions affecting you personally? Besides
observing their (bad) behavior, how is your work day affected? I think teasing
out these effects might lead you to a solution. And conversely: filing a
complaint about an issue that doesn't directly affect you might come off
poorly to HR.

------
molyss
I've been in this situation where I was the "jerk".

I've only changed when I pushed for a promotion and another manager blocked it
based on my behavior. When I asked people who I knew could have influenced my
promotion to not happen, she just said "I blocked it because despite being by
far the strongest technically, your behavior negates most, if not all, the
value you can add to the team." The next week, she was going to my manager
telling him he _has_ to promote me.

She's probably one of the person who had the best impact on my career so far
(I was 31, so my career was closer to the beginning than to its end.

Another person that was extremely helpful in the same period of time was a
coworker who joined as a tech lead 2 years before my promotion got rejected.
His title was above mine even though I was technically stronger than him. He
had no problem acknowledging it but also that his people skills were putting
mine to shame. We had the most honest discussions about both skill-sets and
while we were brutal with each other more often than not we became very good
friend. I'm a bit frustrated by the fact that I don't think he got as much out
of our relationship than I did, but I think it was more coming from his own
shame than from my behavior.

A third was a person out of work that had been classified as "gifted" as a
kid. He used to introduce me as a "genius" to people around me. I hated that
but it got me thinking.

Anyway, coming from the other side, there were a couple of things driving my
judgement :

\- I thought I was normal and that anyone not performing to my level was just
stupid. And that was making me angry towards others. The third person made me
realize that maybe I wasn't normal (sorry if that sounds very pretentious),
which means others are not stupid. They're actually quite smart, just not the
same way I am. And my responsibility is to help them gain the insight I have,
granted they want to.

\- I didn't feel recognized enough. The 1st person made it brutally obvious
that people saw what I could do and the only reason why they couldn't let me
know what they saw was because I didn't let them. I was trying to prove myself
all the time through the wrong behaviors, which just became an infinite loop
of mutual deception.

\- I felt lonely and frustrated. The 2nd person made me aware of my own
shortcomings and also offered me both a mentor and a mentee with which I could
share insight, transfer knowledge and ask questions, expecting nothing but the
cold harsh truth.

If this colleague is the only thing that would drive your change of job, I
would take that as a last resort option. You should not have to leave a job
you are happy/content about because of a single person, so I'll take 4 out of
the equation.

As said by other comments, going to HR is a waste of time. Nothing to gain
there IMO. It's a human relationship issue that won't be solved by someone
you've never seen around and that basically considers all of you as a
liability. (Not all of HR is like that, but that's a big part of their job)

I think going to your manager is not a bad idea. if you come to him with a "I
feel like" rather than a "it's his fault" approach, it should at least get him
thinking. "I feel like XX is unapproachable/angry at others/aggressive all the
time and I'm not sure howto approach him and make him an ally and learn from
him". It's his job to advise you, to ask around and to advise this person if
the feeling you have is shared by your other colleagues. If he breaks
confidentiality and that backfires on you, I'd suggest changing managers. You
cannot trust him with your career.

Go above your manager only if you are closer to your n+2 than to your manager.
There's only so much he will be able to do without engaging your manager in
the loop.

Try "confronting" him. Not so much in an aggressive way, but by using your
soft skills. Praise him a bit for the things he really is better at you than
you are. Learn from him. Don't hesitate to ask him for his opinion/advice/how
he got there. And if you can build a connection, tell him about his own
shortcomings in the areas where you are better than him. If there's no such
area, use him to learn where he's better at than you are. You might be able to
learn what he seems to know without having to put all the effort he put in it
rather than his social skills. He will probably sound like an insufferable
jerk from time to time, but what you'll get out of him might be worth thousand
times the 30 minutes of jerkiness and self satisfaction you had to suffer
through.

Good luck. I still feel bad about my past behavior but I've grown so much
since then that I can only be thankful to all the people who had to suffered
through this coming from me.

------
trumbitta2
I had a similar experience.

Turned out the offending co-worker just favored bluntness over politeness and
was more than happy to discover I was able to discuss with him over concepts
and not over how those concepts he expressed.

The two of us never had a problem since.

------
pjc50
(Is this Linus Torvalds we're talking about?)

The first step should be a private conversation using the "when you do X I
feel Y" template. They may not realise the effect they are having.

------
debacle
I was in an environment like this once. I just left. You really can't fix a
problem like this if he's a management darling unless you want to go the HR
route.

------
leppie
6\. Tell the coworker to vent on Twitter. Works wonders for me. It is like
shouting at /dev/null :)

~~~
vectorpush
Except when stuff on twitter gets people fired.

------
ed_blackburn
Talk to,the guy in private.

~~~
gadders
In the carpark after work.

------
badpenny
6\. Kick his ass.

