
Online Dating Is an Existential Nightmare - laurex
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/07/online-dating-taking-over-everything/594337/
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RocketSyntax
It's the complete _opposite_ of an existentialist's nightmare.

Online dating boils down to a series of yes/no binary decisions: decision to
contact or avoid, decision to go on a date, and decision to continue dating.

Our decisions are the crux of free will.

In contrast, an arranged marriage is an existential nightmare because there is
no choice by the individuals involved. Unless of course, they themselves make
the choice to love that person no matter what.

~~~
la_barba
>In contrast, an arranged marriage is an existential nightmare because there
is no choice by the individuals involved. Unless of course, they themselves
make the choice to love that person no matter what.

I wonder if the 'island effect' applies to arranged marriages, and they end up
working because of it. I think if two people are in the same, short standard
deviation range of whatever criteria (looks, wealth, charm, etc) you use, its
likely that they start to like each other no matter what.. (involuntarily ala
love marriage)

~~~
krageon
Given that in the long term, loving someone is almost definitely a choice (ie
something you decide to do and then work towards) I have trouble seeing how it
could be anything but obvious that even in an arranged marriage you can see
two people genuinely loving each other.

~~~
dragonwriter
> Given that in the long term, loving someone is almost definitely a choice

It's not, though; it requires a choice, but that choice, while necessary, is
not on its own sufficient.

~~~
krageon
I guess we just have a wildly different experience :)

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strikelaserclaw
Not sure i got the answer to the question "Why Online Dating Can Feel Like
Such an Existential Nightmare" from the article. Is it the "paradox of choice"
? This article goes from "But the most common responses to my post were not
hearty cheers. They were lamentations about the spiritual bankruptcy of modern
love." to eh, online dating isn't so bad, at least minorities and lgbtq folks
can find people.

~~~
subjectsigma
I think the article was garbage for this reason. The author seems more
concerned with tut-tutting at people who dislike online dating than providing
any real analysis whatsoever.

