
Ask HN: How to Be Smarter (In Conversation) - monkey26
In social situations, as soon as we deviate from the tech I get lost, and often start to feel dumb.  After 20 years of being a developer, my role has evolved to a point where I often have to talk to people who aren&#x27;t as into the tech I am, and more about the business.  And this often means dinners and such were other topics always come up.<p>This is very hard to describe, but I can&#x27;t be the only geek faced with this.  Any pointers to being more grown up in adult conversions given I&#x27;m already grown up (pro developer for 20 years, you do the math).<p>Thanks!
======
mooreds
People love to talk about themselve and what they are doing. Ask questions
about people and be genuinely interested in the answers. Remember what you
learn.

Remember that software isn't the only "technology" (in the original sense of
the word). Every discipline has its technologies (farming implements, business
accounting practices). It can be fun to learn about those.

Also, if you've been developing for 20 years you probably are a systems
thinker. Seeing similarities in business and technical systems (and comparing
and contrasting them) is pretty interesting and can lead to some good
discussions.

------
byandyphillips
Oh wow this sounds like me — here's what I do and my 2 cents:

PLAN 1) Before the event, think of interesting questions and topics you can
talk about

2) Remember as much as you can to let the person know you were listening and
engaged

DURING 1) Listen more than you talk - ask the other person about their
interests and hobbies (bonus if it's interesting to you too)

2) Don't try to be someone you're not - being your authentic / weird / quirky
/ self is better than trying to act like someone you're not

3) Admit that you're an introvert (assuming you are like me) - then people
will be more accepting if you're more quiet than everyone else.

Good luck!

