What was your most painful realisation of 2012? - 3stripe
======
nlh
That my mind produces ideas and features a LOT faster than my fingers can code
them up.

One of the great frustrations I'm finding in being a self-taught, 1-man
developer. I'm learning, and it's intensely satisfying, and it's going well.

But MAN does it take a long time to do things. I know I'll get faster, but
things that I think should take a few minutes take a few hours. Designs I
think I should be able to put together in a day take a week.

So the painful realization is that I'm going to get a lot less done in 2013
than I'd like. I'll still get a lot done, but it's sobering to realize the
limits of your execution.

------
ForrestN
Most people, myself included, don't actually do the things they want to do
most of the time.

Put another way, first order desires almost never really govern anyone's
behavior, and second order desires are dictated almost exclusively by
psychological baggage that has little to do with their adult lives.

~~~
elmuchoprez
"Most people, myself included, don't actually do the things they want to do
most of the time."

The problem, in my experience, is that figuring out what you actually "want"
is a very difficult proposition. And it often changes rapidly.

You can see this manifested in people who are trying to choose a career. Even
smart, goal oriented people often flounder around the career question because
while many things interest them, nothing seems to interest them enough to
"want" to dedicate their life to it. And it just gets further complicated with
generic advice from others like, "Do what you love," when the truth is they
don't "love" doing anything.

So you twist your nips in the wind for a while trying to figure out what you
really "want", and meanwhile the bar keeps getting lower. Pretty soon all you
really want is a reliable car and to be able to make rent without a roommate.
And while those might not be the noblest of "wants", you can find a certain
personal gratification in them none the less.

I don't know man. I'm 30 years in and I still don't know what I really "want",
and it sure as shit ain't for lack of thinking about it. Right now I'm content
with a reliable car and a dry house in a safe neighborhood. I have a job that
mixes 1 part things I'm interested in and 1 part tedium and it affords me
enough time and spare income to tinker away at side projects that are probably
of interest to nobody but myself. In all liklihood, a generation after I die,
maybe sooner, nobody will even remember I was here. And I'm fine with that.

So when people say, "Do what you want!", man I don't even know what the hell
those people are talking about.

~~~
ForrestN
I'm not telling anyone "Do what you want!" per se, and many people don't have
a clear picture of what they want (of course most people just want simple
things: they want to be loved most of all, to feel good about themselves, to
feel safe, and to be free of stress and anxiety).

Instead I'm saying that even if you are, like me, a person who could write
down exactly what you want, from the scale of your lifetime down to how you
would like to spend each morning and evening, that clarity doesn't actually
enable you to do any of those things.

I would love to wake up each morning and exercise for 20 minutes, cook a
healthy breakfast with a small pot of tea, read the New York Times, and then
watch the sun rise.

But I cannot do it. Not because it's hard, or because of its existential
absurdity, or because it would require something that I don't have. I can't do
it because my subconscious has other motives, like the motive to stay in bed
until the anxiety of scheduled events compel me to leave it.

Psychology, in my opinion, does not seem designed for contemporary life, which
makes many people's lives much more difficult than they need to be.

------
coley
All we love we leave behind. Converge released an album with this title this
year.

2012 was bleak for me. I lost my grandfather and my aunt within a week from
one another. Soon after, my girlfriend left me to be with someone else. I
moved out of the house that we had rented together, and left her with the
first two dogs that were ever partly 'mine.'

She left me with the last dog we rescued, Gatsby. Before we brought him home,
she clarified he was my dog and that if anything happened between us I was to
take responsibility of him. I guess I should have seen the break up coming.

So now here I am. Alone in this house, with Gatsby. I mostly think about how
one day I'll have to leave him behind too. It's too easy to become jaded by
loss and abandonment. It's too easy to tell your friends that you have work to
do, just so you don't have to go out and face them. It's too easy to stop
caring, when caring is what hurt you in the first place.

So is "all we love we leave behind" my most painful realization of 2012? Not
quite, but close. These events took place about 5-6 months ago. From then
until now, AWLWLB has been stuck in my head, but the most painful realization
happened just recently. I _have_ to go on loving anyway. I have to keep trying
to make relationships and friendships work. I have to put forth effort,
whether I'll lose them or not.

It's not about what you've lost, but what you had. Eventually all of the
things you have, will be things that you once had, and that's all you will
ever have.

Here's to 2013.

------
melvinram
Mine: Changing a formula (that is working somewhat well) too much at once,
without a way to get back to exactly the old way, can really bite you in the
behind.

Earlier this year, I took on a bit too much work, hired help, took on a new
marketing channel to support the new capacity, decreased prices (relatively
dramatically) in hopes to increase volume and changed the service I offered so
I could produce it profitably at the new price point.

Any one of those changes could have been a great boost for my revenue + sanity
but doing them all in the same month spelt disaster for about 3 months.

Here's what happened: I had too much work and when I brought on new person,
even though they were smart and competent, they still needed training. Because
I was spending time training them, I didn't spend as much time on sales.
(Lesson: You can't just hire someone expect them to know everything you know.)

We had leads but I didn't get enough time to call them. At the same time, a
really interesting opportunity presented itself where I could buy leads from a
competitor and be able to double the number of leads I had each month. The
price was expensive per lead but one sale would pay for a month's worth of
leads so I pulled the trigger. (Lesson: Don't spend time and money on
marketing unless you have the time and money to dedicate to sales.)

At the same time, I had a nice chunk of change in the bank so I decided to do
some experimenting with what we were offering. I lowered prices of websites we
designed dramatically to focus on monthly reoccurring revenue ($300 +
$30/month instead of the more $2500 + $10/month hosting) we normally charge on
average. I also changed the service so it wasn't completely custom, which
allowed me to deliver in a much smaller amount of time. Weirdly, sales crashed
with this new price point. I can't explain it with reason but I have some
theories. That's for another day. (Lesson: Don't mess with a sales formula by
changing too much at once because you won't know what broke it or improved
it.)

So now I had 2 heavy expenses and a product offering that wasn't selling as
easily and when it did sell, it made a lot less money. Wow, what a dingbat
thing to do, right? Well the decisions had sound logic behind them at the time
:D.

Luckily I was able to restore my business model to the way it was previously
after a lot of tweaking and ended up with something that worked better than
before... but those 3 months were just plain bad.

~~~
skarayan
I think this is one of the reasons TDD/BDD have caught on lately, small
refactors are easier to manage than changing large chunks of code.

Looking back at my coding workflow early on, I would often get lost in my own
code because I would attempt large changes without testing or version control.
Interestingly, instead of developing a better workflow, I first learned to
keep more inside my head.

~~~
melvinram
Yes, it's critical in code... but it's also critical in life/business to have
things very well version controlled. :)

------
yesimahuman
Mine was probably that I will never be more "satisfied" with my day-to-day
life even if my startup is a huge success. I need to find balance and tend to
the moment and the people that matter in it.

Second was probably that you can make huge impacts on the health of your
business by tending to your pricing and pricing model. Don't just copy from
other products that might have way different usage patterns.

------
falcolas
That nasty code is as equally present in a 5 man development group as a 5,000
man group. Absolutely fantastic folks, but the codebase... <shudder>

~~~
adandy
One more un-closed tag and I quit!

------
JacksonGariety
The worst ideas are often the most well-received and the best ideas are often
rejected.

------
adventured
Realizing that the US Government is getting very close to fundamentally
destroying freedom on the Internet (domestically, with ramifications globally;
and to the extent it still exists). It's not five or ten years away, it's now
a daily battle with all the legislation they're throwing at the wall to see
what they can get to stick. It was understood in the 1990s that they'd
eventually seriously harm the Internet, given their unlimited thirst for
power, but some part of my brain always hoped it was further out. It's clear
they're never going to stop coming after it, and they have a nearly unlimited
budget and apparently nothing better to do with their time.

------
dinde
Incompetent people will often take politically expedient decisions that cause
more harm than good but protect their positions.

~~~
endersshadow
I would be cautious on your labeling them as incompetent--perhaps they are
very competent at protecting their positions, you just have a different
agenda.

Of course, I don't know your exact situation. But, people act according to
their alignment of incentives. If one is more motivated by the work they're
doing rather than the pay they're receiving, then you get one set of
behaviors. Likewise, if they're motivated by power, you get another set of
behaviors. It's folly to assign your values and incentives onto somebody else
and call them incompetent because they're different.

You may just be golfing, and they're bowling, and looking at the scoreboard,
you think they have a miserable score, when in fact, they're a strike away
from a perfect game.

If you understand how folks like that behave, you can work with them to make
decisions that will be in your best (or at least better) interests.

~~~
dinde
I agree in theory, but it's difficult to align values with someone whose
strategy is to shift blame to clients and subordinates due to lack of planning
and communication skills. These people create a toxic, reactive working
environment and their damage needs to be managed. I don't believe that they
bring good things to the table.

I realize that this sounds exceptionally bitter so I am open to the
possibility that I have become cynical and am unable to see from outside the
lense of my own vision.

------
dave1985
That I'm an alcoholic, that I have ADHD, depression and social anxiety. I've
got a lot to fix in 2013.

~~~
qodeninja
In my experience some of these things are self-reinforcing; alcoholism can
lead to ADHD and Depression, which can lead to social anxiety.

The problem with alcoholism is the havoc it unleashes on your body's natural
chemistry and metabolism and in turn your overall energy levels, mood, and
perception.

Fixing your body chemistry may resolve all the other issues over time.

Suggestion: Take a multivitamin, drink more water, sleep more, get outside
more. Oh, and always say YES to any social invitation.

~~~
dave1985
For the most part, YUP. However, ADHD is not a chemical problem, it's a brain
disorder that you're born with (there is tons of scientific research backing
this up).

But YES otherwise. Alcohol screws with your body/brain, and Alcoholism, ADHD,
Depression and Anxiety are all tightly linked in cause and effect.

> Take a multivitamin, drink more water, sleep more, get outside more. Oh, and
> always say YES to any social invitation.

and while all of this is good general life/health advice, it has nothing to do
with ADHD.

------
qodeninja
One of my favorite thoughts for this year:

"EVERYONE is faking it"

I've read this thought a few times throughout the year and it really stuck
with me.

I frequently think to myself: "why is all this stuff (work, life, bills,
relationships) so hard for me but not everyone else? I must be some kind of an
idiot"

Perception really IS everything.

The truth is they don't know what they're doing any more or less than I do.

We all put on fake smiles and tell big stories all just to try to give the
appearance of credibility and importance.

You are not an idiot. We are all in this experiment of life together.

------
bane
Realizing that my company needed to pivot away from a rapidly failing line of
business I was really interested in into a growing and profitable line of
business that I wanted nothing to do with.

There's a lot more to the story, but having to talk away from almost a decade
and a half of work and some very dear co-workers/friends was one of the
hardest things I've ever had to do. But going into 2013 I think it was also
one of the best decisions I've ever made.

------
robomartin
How easy it is to fail.

How easy it is to do it all wrong.

How easy it is to make the wrong decisions.

How easy it is to get really down on yourself.

How easy it is to blame others for your own mistakes.

How easy is is to think others are right and you are wrong.

How easy it is to think it is hard to get back up and really "do it" and "do
it right".

How easy it is to get back up on your feet once you've made a decision to do
it.

How easy it is to then see others were wrong and you were right.

How easy it is once you've done it.

How easy it is.

~~~
charlieflowers
This is almost a country song! Except that it ends on a _positive_ note ...
you'd need to reverse it to make it sad if you really want to make a hit out
of it.

(Not criticizing -- I think it's nicely written).

~~~
robomartin
Need to slide in a pickup truck and a dog somewhere in there. I don't think
the country crowds would go wild for Cassandra and Node.js. :)

------
eli_gottlieb
Too many people are peasants, and would rather have a king to petition or
blame than actually solve their own problems.

~~~
eli_gottlieb
For those upvoting: please be sure you mean it. I am not alluding to
libertarianism, Austrian economics, or pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.
Rather the the opposite, actually. There's a whole lot of stuff that _could_
be done collectively, even cooperatively, but isn't, because that would
require a shift in mentality away from "waaaah, the king issued an evil
decree!" to "our entire town has to pitch in to solve this _together_ ".

------
monk_e_boy
That during a double dip recession things can still get worse. A lot of my
friends are now jobless.

That my boss wants to hear compliments. Nothing else. Ever.

Reading HN is the closest I'll ever get to seeing a start up grow any larger
than 3 people struggling in a tiny office paid for by the EU.

I won't ever pay off my credit cards or mortgage. I'll never own a new car or
any new hobby equipment. eBay and freecycle are integral parts of my life.

My performance based quarterly bonuses won't get paid.

America sounds like a bonkers place to live, I hope they (you?) start to do
something about climate change.

~~~
qodeninja
America really is a bonkers place to live, but what can you do?

My friends frequently joke that everyone in blue states should move to red
states and take them over!

I recycle, walk to work, and don't leave the lights on!

~~~
monk_e_boy
Gun control in the US - fixable bug in the system, or fundamental design flaw?

------
redidas
That a side project of mine, something that would take most here a weekend,
has taken me over a year now (and it still isn't finished).

To be fair I've been learning a lot of things. redoing my work. Trying
different options. Taking month-long breaks here and there.

A lot of the time it feels like I'm just running in place. A lot of things
feel like progress, but really aren't.

And then I worry, maybe I won't ever be cut out for all this stuff here on
hacker news. The culture, goals, start-up life. Maybe it it won't be any more
than a dream.

------
gprasanth
Everyone dies. :'(

~~~
yen223
Damn man, I know how that feels. So sorry for your loss.

------
3stripe
Professionally: that I'd been unhappy in my job for months, if not years,
without realising it. If my brain was in denial though, my body knew it, and
one day I was physically unable to goto work. That pain caused a life pivot
for me, and I can't wait to find out what doors it will open next.

Personally: that you can still love someone, but not be able to live with
them.

------
asanwal
By not focusing on sales a lot earlier (and focusing on the product only), we
left a lot of money on the table.

~~~
kyle_t
This is a big one, and one I'm in the middle of fighting with right now. As a
developer its hard to release a product with your name attached when you know
its not as good as it can be.

Releasing early means getting more exposure and possibly force you to realize
your a writing something no-one earlier. What if though you are turning
potential customer's away who are unimpressed with your first couple releases?
Are those just considered write-offs and the cost of bootstrapping?

~~~
fleitz
Are you writing software or running a company?

As a business person it's fiscal suicide to release a product for which there
is no market. Most people see more benefit from a mediocre mechanic than a
world-class buggy whip manufacture.

If the people who will see your product on the first iteration are the
majority of your potential customers then chances are your business is a
failure anyway.

How many of us think less of PG because HN uses tables?

~~~
kyle_t
Trying to do both.

"How many of us think less of PG because HN uses tables?"

I understand your point, but I think that is more of a implementation of
features, rather than which features make it in for first release.

Its a valid point that if the first few users are the majority then you are in
trouble. I would hope that the first few users/adopters however would become
my biggest cheerleaders thus contributing to a snowball effect of new users.

------
lucastheisen
No matter how much effort and thought is put into writing quality code,
looking back in a year or two I will cringe at it. Second, I recently saw the
accepted answers per tag on broken down by average age on stackoverflow. Just
realized I am over the hill (as far as software development goes)...

------
dfrankow
We are all looking for connection, and many don't find it, don't even know how
to find it. Much of the technology in our modern world (television, web sites
like Facebook, mobile phones) make this problem worse. That is, there is an
economic incentive to drive us apart.

------
yen223
I am 25 years old and I don't have the $100,000 job that everyone seems to
have no trouble getting =(

~~~
k3n
When I was your age I was making ~25k/yr. (in today's money) working in a
soul-sucking callcenter. Hopefully, you're better off than I was.

~~~
yen223
I'm making less than that now, but that's mostly thanks to our shitty currency
exchange rates. I would gladly work for USD$25k/year.

------
EvanKelly
This is the year I learned that the longer I live, the more people close to me
I will lose.

------
xpose2000
I don't know about painful, but I realized that I should focus on creating an
internet company rather than a start-up. The stuff reported on techcrunch may
get pageviews, but i realized it in no way relates to me or what I'm trying to
achieve.

------
charonn0
Life is precious and brief; we squander it by griefing, and we never respawn.

------
Keyframe
That I should pay taxes first and invest later, not vice versa.

------
GeneRoddenberry
The widespread evidence of the existence of extra-terrestrials.

------
jes5199
Working at a successful startup is no fun at all.

~~~
monk_e_boy
Thanks for that :) I've read all the srtatup founder stories and they all seem
to involve WAY too much work and way too many hours.

~~~
runawaybottle
But hey maaan, if you don't love it, maybe you're not cut out for it maaan.

~~~
monk_e_boy
job != life. You need balance. Maaan.

------
runawaybottle
That my people skills are close to horrendous.

------
paulwcy
It ended

