
Ask HN: How do I keep best terms with company I am thinking about leaving? - rnd88876
I am sitting on a fence on the question whether I should leave my current employer, so I wanted to ask, if any of you have good tips how to best negotiate while keeping on good terms with both my current employer and the prospective one.<p>The thing is, I have already started talking with the other company, and while I was very open that I am not decided to switch yet (and technically I would have until the end of the month to decide due to my country work regulation), I feel I can quickly get on a thin ice.<p>My main concern is, that even if decline the new offer, it is highly probable that I would like to work for the company some year down the line, and even if I accept it, I don&#x27;t want to burn bridges with my current team.<p>Currently I have really stellar colleagues, an interesting project that will finish in few months (that I want to see completed and would kick-off a larger project for another year) and the company is one of the best employers around.<p>On the other hand, some of the decisions of our managers are questionable, product we develop borders on consultancy-ware too much, releases have been of varying quality and our team is consistently understaffed. I am part of initiatives to fix these problems, but I know it will take at least two years to get there.<p>The prospective employer has few of my good friends from college, and currently want to focus on polishing their product to attract customers beyond early adopters, while winding down feature development somewhat. I know I am in better negotiation position w.r.t. compensation with these guys.<p>How would you go about it?<p>When should I tell my manager I am in talks with other company?<p>Is it acceptable to use this to get a raise in my current position?<p>How long is it acceptable to sit on the fence while in talks with the new company?<p>Thanks!
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chrisbennet
You should say _anything_ about leaving until you have another job.

Do not try to use the possibility of leaving as leverage to get a raise.

Absolutely do not tell them you are "looking around".

~~~
rnd88876
Would you elaborate why? Because I am mostly an open, even oversharing person
that thinks that more information everybody knows, the better.

And I would like it much better if the last four colleagues that left opened
some sort of a discussion as early as possible?

On the other hand, I do understand that trying to use leaving as a leverage in
any relationship is damaging (except if you are haggling on a oriental-markt
:P)

So if I understand correctly, the best approach for me is:

* Negotiate the best possible position in the prospective place

* Weigh it against my current situation

* Swiftly decide if I accept the new position

* If so, announce to my boss that I have accepted a better offer elsewhere

~~~
chrisbennet
At my last real job, they gave me a couple of months of notice (funding cut)
and the guy before me, he gave them a couple of months notice. So this sort of
openness _does_ exist but is extremely atypical.

Here are some typical scenarios:

Employee: "I'm thinking of leaving. I'd rather stay here but I think my pay is
below market. Can you do anything to address that?"

Manager: "Why yes, I'll see what I can do at your next review. We really like
your work." _He 's out of here, its never the pay. I've probably bought myself
a month to get his replacement. I can't trust him anymore, he's not loyal to
what we're trying do here._

Employee: "I got a job offer from another company. If you match it I'll stay."

Manager: "Let me see what I can do. I wish you'd come to me earlier" _He is
-so- out of here. He 's just going to leave within a year. I'll get him a
raise and keep him until I get a replacement._

Employee: "I've taken another position but I'm happy to stay another two
weeks."

Manager: "Well I wish you had told me earlier."

Employee: "Hey, I can't log in! Here come HR with a box and the guy from
security..."

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chrisbennet
I meant you should NOT say anything until you have a new job.

