
He Asked Permission to Touch, but Not to Ghost (2018) - Tomte
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/07/style/modern-love-he-asked-permission-to-touch-but-not-to-ghost.html
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towaway1138
Some people just like to complain.

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momentmaker
Don't forget your consent form.

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sjjshvuiajhz
Caring about the people you interact with doesn’t require being attached to
them. If you understand this, you can have fulfillment while avoiding most
kinds of emotional pain.

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vinceguidry
This was well-written and I enjoyed reading it. It's always tempting in
stories without happy endings to ascribe fault. But to ascribe fault is to
ascribe morality, that one person or the other did something wrong.

But nobody anything wrong here. Just two people with different expectations
and learned behaviors that just didn't match up.

One thing I learned recently is that there was zero concept of adolescence
before modern times. Until around a few hundred years ago, once you hit around
13, you were considered an adult. Louis XV was crowned king of France at 13
after a regency that began when his father died, he was 5.

We should celebrate the ability to make mistakes in life. We didn't always
have it.

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rowanG077
Consent has nothing to do with actually caring about you. Never mistake the
two. It's really simple he continously asked you those things because a single
touch where you didn't it and he didn't ask you can ruin his life.

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ncphillips
I liked this article a lot. The implication of him asking for consent was that
he respected her. Three things reveal that wasn’t true: his non-understanding
of what is intimate in sex, his not believing she needed to ask for consent,
and his decision to ignore her when he was done.

The conversation around consent is _supposed_ to be about respect.
Unfortunately some people don’t actually care about respecting others, and
just use consent as a means of covering their ass legally.

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towaway1138
These kinds of assumptions are a recipe for misery. And laws are not a way to
police how things are _supposed_ to be.

If you want a reasonably good chance of knowing that your potential love
interest respects you, there's really only one good way to do it. You talk
with them for a long time, months, without having sex. All those things the
old-timers did? They did them for a reason.

