
Ask HN: Are my goals realistic? - Leepic
Hello.<p>I&#x27;m 32 years old and I&#x27;ve been suffering from depression for the last few years and that coupled with lack of friends and bad career choices made an explosive cocktail so I apologize for wanting to keep this post decoupled from my main profile.<p>During what I would call &quot;last depression year&quot; I found myself devouring book after book after book. Philosophy, science, psychology books. As a result, I redefined myself, although I wish I shouldn&#x27;t have to go through this transformation in this &quot;violent&quot; way. I&#x27;ve reached the point of looking at my previous self and wonder who the <i>beep</i> is this guy. I&#x27;m not going to dive into further details.<p>I&#x27;m now more confident that I love mathematics and programming. More than ever. But I&#x27;m afraid to admit it. I&#x27;m afraid because deep inside me there&#x27;s a voice telling me that I loved before and there&#x27;s no consistent correlation between my feelings and what I can achieve. After all, my love for programming doesn&#x27;t mean a lot if there&#x27;s an industry that will judge me with &quot;rules of thumb&quot; such as &quot;age&quot;, &quot;race&quot; or even better, &quot;sex&quot;.<p>Or maybe they might prefer to judge me for my &quot;depression era&quot;. Because, switching careers after my thirties isn&#x27;t hard enough (sarcasm), I&#x27;ll also have to explain why am I unemployed for the last 2-3 years. And I suppose saying &quot;I was too busy contemplating suicide and had to choose between bus or train&quot; won&#x27;t do any good.<p>So, the ultimate question is, is it realistic to take the chance of pursuing my newfound desires?
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wikwocket
If you like programming and have an aptitude for it, you have a gift. Not
everyone can be a builder, and those of us who are derive great satisfaction
and joy from it. Do not be afraid of programming or math. They will challenge
you, but you can move at your own pace. There has never been a better time to
learn these, with all the educational resources out there on the web and
YouTube.

If programming/building things make you happy, then hack away! Everyone
deserves to be happy. If other's judge you, it's their loss.

As for the practical realities of finding work and dealing with
race/gender/etc, there are options there too. You can start with simple self-
projects, little vanity websites or apps, to build your repertoire. You could
leverage these as experience to do work online, rent-a-coder or craigslist
gigs. If you want to get a 9-to-5, say that you took some time off to work on
personal projects or do some consulting, and point to anything notable you've
built.

If you get stuck trying to build something or grow a consultancy, ask here or
on one of the StackExchange sites. Lots of people willing to help.

------
trevelyan
I don't think most people are capable of engaging with you with the level of
self-awareness needed not to penalize you for being open with them about your
history of suicidal thoughts. So you may be better to simply come up with
something to paper over the gap: plenty of people travel the world and take a
few years off teaching english or trying to start a business.

I think you'll be penalized for not fitting people's ideals of what they are
looking for (recent college grad, cs degree, etc.), but if you're open about
the fact that you're switching focus to more technical work, I don't think
you'll be penalized EXTRA simply because your work history is not easily
traceable for the past two or three years.

~~~
Leepic
I also feel that I should avoid mentioning my years of depression (I wouldn't
be using a secondary account if I wasn't).

As for not fitting people's ideals... Come to think of it, there's no way to
satisfy conditions that are outside of my field of influence (I cannot stay
forever young, for example) so I'll have to accept that and carry on.

------
Sealy
_I 'm now more confident that I love mathematics and programming. More than
ever. But I'm afraid to admit it._

My advice would be don't be afraid. Its easy for me to say but the entire HN
community is built on people with a love and a passion for programming. Are we
all afraid to admit it? Maybe some of us are. But the majority of us are very
proud of our achievements and are driven by the dream that we may one day
change the world.

 _I 'm afraid because deep inside me there's a voice telling me that I loved
before and there's no consistent correlation between my feelings and what I
can achieve._

I know personally that I do much better at things that I love. If you're paid
to do it as a job... bonus!

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mmariani
Of course it is. Do whatever makes you happy! Pay no attention to what others
say about you and your life as they don't owe anything. In the end that's all
that really counts.

Now just love and passion won't get you anywhere. You need to find something
to focus your talent and energy on, define a plan, and meticulously execute
it.

Be prepared to acknowledge that sometimes you need to pivot because you've
settled on wrong assumptions. Do it swiftly, and analyze the rights and wrongs
to learn from them.

Just so that you know I've been through a similar process. It never ends. But
if you trust your instincts things will only keep improving in your life.

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gizzlon
Programming? Absolutely!

There are many places in the world where programmers are in high demand,
making it somewhat easier to get into than some other fields. That being said,
it can be a big and complex field, so don't expect to learn everything in a
year.

Don't pretend you're more experienced than you are, but stress your
willingness to learn. For some people (companies, positions) lack of
experience will be a problem, but not for everyone.

Go make something public (github perhaps). Start small! It's not going to
be.., ehrm, that great. But that's not the point. The goal is to improve and
show that you can actually do this.

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loumf
Your depression doesn't define you, and there's no reason to bring it up.

It's perfectly reasonable to explain a work-history gap with
"training/investing in yourself for a new career".

It wouldn't be a bad idea to do some pro-bono work for non-profits or
something open-source, to reference on an interview. It doesn't need to be
big.

There will be places that judge you on all of the things you mention, but
programming is one industry where being able to do the job matters more for
enough people to make a difference. If you can actually do the job, you'll
find one.

------
gesman
You have deep seated fears inside of you. They were and will continue to drive
you nuts and keep you spinning wheels with your life.

Here's solution:

Focus on one single, really exciting thing that will overpower your fears [of
failure, or success, of being hurt, of being disapproved by others, of getting
too old, etc...].

Focus on it for at least one month at the expense of anything else. Become
ruthless in achieving it.

This focusing will make fears irrelevant and will guide you out of darkness.

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makerops
I have not been through what you have irt depression, but one constant in my
life, which has taken MANY crazy turns, at least over the last 15 years (I'm
30), has been programming, linux and hacking. No matter how I am feeling, I
can "go into my shell" and just build shit, and it makes me content.

~~~
thifm
history of my life, but i'm 24 and it has been like that since 10.

------
jelf
stop thinking; start acting. History is created by those who act. If you think
too much, you will end up not doing anything

~~~
Leepic
Ah yes, the "joys" of analysis paralysis. It's a bloody pitfall that I know
all too well and I'll have to get used to walk out of it on my own.

------
gatos
Could you share a short list of the books that led to your transformation?

------
chayemo
follow your heart,just do!

