
Book notes: The Courage to be Disliked - jger15
https://sivers.org/book/Disliked
======
Regardsyjc
A review of this book from Amazon:

"Unlike other giants in the field of psychology, Adler did not believe past
trauma affects one's ability to be happy in the present. Adler taught the
importance of liking oneself, contributing to community, appreciating another
for just "being," accepting the fact that out of say, 10 people, one will
really like you, two will dislike you, seven will be neutral and the important
thing is to be yourself; not try to be other than yourself; concentrate on the
one who likes you and not try win over others. Thus the title: "The Courage to
Be Disliked." Adler proposed that one is happier and freer if they
live"moments to moments, "working on one's own task in life and not doing
other peoples' tasks"

This reminds me of Victor Frankl and his insights into Holocaust survivors in
Man's Search for Meaning. Why do some people survive and others don't.

I look forward to checking out this book, thank you for sharing.

Shot in the dark, but I've had some traumatic life events, child abuse,
suicide attempts, mental health issues, sexual assaults, and more. I've spent
years, almost a decade, working through my issues every day. Has anyone ever
been in a similar situation and what helped, helps you the most?

~~~
DoreenMichele
_Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and what helped, helps you the
most?_

1\. Own your feelings.

It's okay to feel whatever you feel. There's no correct answer here. You don't
really heal while trying to suppress the "wrong" or bad feelings or judge them
or whatever.

2\. Give it enough of your time, but not too much.

It takes time to process, etc. Make sure to allow adequate time for that, but
don't wallow. Figure out when you need to move on.

3\. Living well is the best revenge.

Don't let your past consume your present and future. Set goals. Work towards
things you want. Walk away from the drama. Stop and smell the roses.

4\. Don't reject the parts of you shaped by it, but don't let it define you
either.

Steel is forged in fire. I'm okay with who I am, steely bits included. But
don't let "This bad thing happened to me" become your entire identity either.
Also, don't let fighting against it define you. That's another form of being
defined by it and imprisoned by it.

5\. "Experience is not what happens to you. It's what you do with what happens
to you." (Aldous Huxley)

So, you experienced a thing. What you do with that experience is still up to
you.

