

Help Send Us To Startup Camp + Foo Camp - jasonlbaptiste
http://www.publictivity.com/education/2008/05/27/help-send-us-to-startup-camp-foo-camp/

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precipice
Hey,

I'm one of the speakers at startup camp and I think I'm going to help on
judging the submissions.

I think your pitch needs a lot of work and I wouldn't vote for it in its
current form. I read your blog post and your PDF slides (I didn't watch the
video) and didn't get a clear sense for what your product does, why it's
different than other similar products, or why you think it will turn into a
larger business. Many of your slides talk about the right topics -- for
instance, customer pain -- without saying what you specifically know about
that topic in your business -- for instance, exactly what customer pain you're
trying to address.

The outline on Sequoia's site is great for what your pitch should address:

<http://www.sequoiacap.com/ideas/>

I once had the humiliating experience of sending a Sequoia partner a 30-slide
pitch, having him say "12 slides exactly," sending him a 20-slide pitch,
having him say "12 slides exactly," sending him a 15-slide pitch, having him
say "12 slides exactly," and then finally getting it right. Learn from my
mistakes! 12 slides, no more than six bullets per slide, no more than one line
per bullet. Writing to form makes it easier for people to evaluate you. Make
it very easy on your evaluators.

On each of those slides, say why you're different from everyone else. Exactly
what makes you better. "We take the sales lead process from 30 minutes to five
minutes." Say it succinctly and don't be at all ambiguous. "We allow co-
workers to share contact information for their sales leads without data entry
by scanning business cards with 99.9% accuracy" or whatever.

Hope this helps and good luck.

~~~
jasonlbaptiste
Hey,

Definitely a big help. Like I said, we want the hardcore feedback. That's even
a major part of why we want to come to startup camp. We know we've built a
great product, and we know it has the tools entrepreneurs need.

Our biggest problem is putting it into words that are simple to understand and
to put down onto 12 slides. I've always believed that people spend money
(whether as investors or customers) on products/things that they can
understand easily and relate to. That's where we need to work on things, a
lot.

Thank you once again.

-jlb

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petercooper
I have a lot of respect for you (at least, I follow you on Twitter, and I
don't follow many people!) so keep that in mind reading this..!

The pitch has a number of problems.

It takes 20 seconds before you mention the problem that your product helps
resolve, and then another 12 seconds before you start to define what that
problem even is. Show rather than tell. You say it's a painful problem before
stating the problem (it's also probably far too early in the pitch for any
humorous photos). If it's painful, it will be apparent when you just describe
the problem.. if not, you're not describing the problem properly. Second, it
takes over two minutes for you to talk specifically about any feature of your
product.

Describing your product as a "online social workspace that allows companies to
better organize and share information by leveraging the connections around
them" is Dilbert-esque, and it doesn't tell us anything concrete about what
your product does.

I really want you to get to Startup and Foo Camps and think you are on to
something good, but I really hope that when you do come face to face with
investors, your pitch is concise, to the point, and really, really tight. I
sense that the lack of these qualities can be the nail in the financing coffin
unless your idea is extremely revolutionary.

On the plus side, you definitely come across as enthusiastic and knowledgeable
in the pitch. Your voice is engaging.

~~~
jasonlbaptiste
Hey Peter,

Thanks! Read more on your bio, and the same respect goes both ways. We're
nowheres near perfect, and what the criticism rather than a simple "oh that's
great, definitely send me an invite" response you usually get.

\- This pitch was meant to be longer, but my goal is to really make the
problem the first priority. Quicker is definitely better. The one liner needs
to be improved significantly.

-Normally we'd sub in the screenshots for an actual demo of the product if it were a live pitch. We're thinking of cutting down on the pictures in the problem part showing the investor, entrepreneurs, support agent,etc. in order to get to the product a lot faster.

-See my response below to TitleWave. I hate the organize + share information line we use, and want to find something that really evokes exactly what we do. There's a few ideas bouncing around. No lies, this part keeps me up at night.

-I sense the same problems, and that's why we make our pitches available publicly. This lets us get the feedback we need. We know we suck in certain areas, and want to get rid of that.

-Glad I came across enthusiastic. I'm passionate about the product we're building, and think it's going to change the way entrepreneurs work. We're product driven for sure. Would love to send you an invite when we're ready.

Thanks!

-jlb

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wave
The most important part of your presentation describing your company/product
as "Publictivity is the online social workspace that allows companies to
better organize and share information by leveraging the connections around
them" needs some rework and you need to come up with a better one liner. Your
description might fall into what Greg McAdoo from Sequoia refers to it as
"This is technically accurate but totally useless"

[http://omnisio.com/startupschool08/greg-mcadoo-partner-at-
se...](http://omnisio.com/startupschool08/greg-mcadoo-partner-at-sequoia-
capital-talks-at-startup-school-08)

Good luck with getting into Startup and Foo Camp

~~~
jasonlbaptiste
Hey Wave,

That's exactly where we're struggling/working on. Greg's talk at Startup Camp
was awesome, because it gave no bullshit/ straight forward advice. We know
what we're making is useful, but bringing it down to one sentence that makes
real world sense is key. That's why I even say in the presentation "to get
past the mission statement speak", and then explain the product. Off the cuff,
if I could sum it up in other words:

"We Give Entrepreneurs The Tools To Run Their Business".

The organize + share, is really more on the technical side of things when I
think about it more.

Thanks for the feedback, it's exactly what we need.

-jlb

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jasonlbaptiste
Hoping to get some feedback, but also if we end up going, that we can share
our experience back with the YC News community.

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crxnamja
guy is all ambition. good lucks.

------
edw519
I'm normally a little reluctant to give feedback on these things because I
often "don't get it", so I don't think I have anything to offer. Because your
video is so well done, I'll make an exception now...

I don't get it.

You talk about the problem, the pain, and your offering, but I can't recall a
single thing you say about your customer/user. Perhaps I'm missing something
here, but I sure would feel a lot more comfortable with a story or two about
someone's specific problem and how they solved it with Publicitivity. Maybe
I'm a little old school, but I'd really rather hear about them first, not you.

You say all the right things: pain (get rid of the soccer pic, ouch!),
problem, product, but I don't "feel" the problem or pain. I just think that a
good example or two would paint a much better picture. The more common the
example, the more people you'll reach.

The good news: Great start. With your tech and presentation skills, once they
understand what it is, you oughta knock 'em dead.

Does this make any sense to you, or am I missing something?

~~~
jasonlbaptiste
Hey Ed,

Getting it, is in the eye of the beholder. The fact you're on Hacker news /
have the 2nd highest karma means that you are definitely in tune :-).

I think our biggest flaw is: we're not explaining this in common terms that
the everyday person can understand. It's too focused on the technical vision
with the organizing and sharing. I think we can solve it in two ways:

a) Get rid of the organize + share mission statement jargon. Put together
something people really understand.

b) Show a demo of the software in action. Once you see the software and/or
start playing around with it, it's a no brainer that this is going to change
the way you work.

Thank you for the feedback and kind words. Feel free to drop me an email jason
[at] publictivity dot com if you want to check out the product more in depth
(we're beta releasing it soon, but I can send out an invite a bit sooner).

-jlb

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gojomo
Sounds like "web-based groupware for small teams" -- a space crowded with
offerings (and littered with startup corpses). To succeed, you need a unique
angle -- like 37signals' minimalist "elegant interfaces and thoughtful
features". And even then, it might not offer growth warranting investment
beyond small angels and bootstrapping.

If it's something different, that needs to pop out so you can't miss it.

Cutesy photos can work for crowd presentations but investors want to cut to
the point: team, market, product/tech, competition, plan, ask. Specifics help,
euphemisms and hand-waving generalizations hurt (eg "square peg in round hole"
"gluing together ad-hoc solutions" "awesome developers... making great things
that increase the productivity beyond our imagination").

HTH, good luck!

