
Reflections on founder mental health, coaching, a decade after losing my mom - kn0thing
http://initialized.com/zero-lives-remaining-reflecting-on-the-last-10-years-since-losing-my-mom
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skywritergr
I'm not sure about finding a coach, but having a person that you respect to
talk about your problem, issues or frustration with work is really important.

Whenever I've talked about something that bothered me with a very few people I
respect, and look up to, I made better choices. I really recommend to everyone
to find this person.

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kirillzubovsky
Alexis, how would you help someone in work-till-death-depression-spiral help
to recognize they may not be as happy as they claim to be? I have a friend who
works all day and all night (literally), and is almost guaranteed deeply
depressed and borderline psychotic (although I am not a doctor).

I have tried being suggestive, and tried being direct, but the response had
ultimately come down to "you are not working as hard as I am, so you just
don't understand."

What, if anything, could help snap someone out of their depression or at least
help them find help on their own?

~~~
howderek
While I haven't dealt with that precise situation, I know from experience that
it is more likely that your friend (deep down) does recognize their own mental
health issues, but confronting that will require them to change their
perspective on the things they have valued for years.

When I was being abused, I knew deep down that it wasn't right. All my friends
told me so. But recognizing that abuse meant I had to change how I view myself
and my experiences for months (if not years) before, and that's really hard.
It's easier to live in a delusion that everything is okay.

If they are as depressed as you suggest, they probably don't have the energy
to reframe their entire experience around the facts you are presenting to
them, regardless of how believable those facts are.

You cannot 'save' your friend from their self-destructive behavior, and you
should stop trying. Instead, do your best to acknowledge them and make it
known that your friend can trust and rely on you. Hopefully, your friend will
reach a point in their life where they have the energy to start working on
becoming healthier, and you can be supportive of them then.

I suggest looking at this WikiHow article that deals with a similar issue:
[https://www.wikihow.com/Help-Someone-Who-You-Think-Is-
Cuttin...](https://www.wikihow.com/Help-Someone-Who-You-Think-Is-Cutting-
Themselves)

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eeZah7Ux
Some bodyweight exercises and reading Reddit should not be recommended to
restore mental health when dealing with any moderate or serious issue.

They can even turn into a delay/avoidance tactic.

People dealing with serious stress should be given better advice - e.g. talk
to a professional.

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hitekker
I appreciate that the article emphasizes personal well-being, but I'm having
trouble finding its insight.

Specifically, I would want the author's opinion on how much of yourself you
should invest in your startup, or more philosophically, the balance between
what you _do_ and what you _are_.

Tension certainly exists between success-of-the-company and health-of-the-
self, respectively represented by coaching and counseling. These two sides are
separate, and, in a billion-dollar-pressure-cooker, may even be in open
warfare with each other: "I need to work harder" versus "I want to spend time
with my children".

So far, this balance seems weighted towards the former. Michael Siebel of YC,
has gone on record saying the best startups have founders who stake their
self-worth on success and who are, therefore, unhealthy. [1]

I would even surmise that part of why the author recovered is because he left
Reddit. His all-consuming focus was just that: All-consuming. Did Reddit need
to eat away at him? Or was it incidental? The article doesn't quite say one
way or another, but other resources indicate that the authors departure 3
years after the acquisition, gave him the chance to work on his health.

A founder needs to sacrifice for their company, that much is a given.

But the big question for me is, in the pursuit of greatness, when does self-
sacrifice become self-destruction?

[1]
[https://youtu.be/4oeDLeRcook?t=14m56s](https://youtu.be/4oeDLeRcook?t=14m56s)

[2] [http://www.businessinsider.com/reddit-cofounders-saw-a-
thera...](http://www.businessinsider.com/reddit-cofounders-saw-a-therapist-
together-2017-11)

------
codingdave
> You only need an internet connection to change your perspective in a minute

That is a double-edged sword. There are wonderful and terrible things online.
Deciding which ones to partake in are just as important as who you surround
yourself with.

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Mononokay
This was a great read—Ohanian's essays are always, really.

I can't say the executive coach bit makes sense to me, though. Athletes play a
single, relatively unchanging game. Business, especially in the tech world, is
anything but stable. There's no set of rules like there is in atheletics. Is
he effectively referring to just a mentor?

~~~
hinkley
Every athlete is different (even from themselves over time), and every
opponent has qualities that inform your strategies. I don’t think the two are
that divorced.

~~~
Mononokay
Fair enough.

