
Let's talk openly about depression - gjmveloso
http://www.gustavoveloso.com/2016/05/29/lets-talk-openly-about-depression/
======
gc123
As someone who does the tech 9-5, I've found it difficult to make small
talk/form deeper relationships with people outside of tech. Conversations
often tend to die off after the initial "What do you do? Oh that's cool..." or
"About that weather we've been having..." Any tips on expanding your network
outside of tech?

~~~
lowglow
Take a genuine interest in what others find passion in, and you'll find making
friends is easier than you think.

A good start would be replacing "What do you do?" with "What do you love to
do?" or "What are you passionate about?" :) Good luck!

~~~
0xcde4c3db
I find the idea that once can just consciously decide to "take a genuine
interest in" something to be _entirely_ alien. Is this something that most
people are able to do? I can direct my attention toward something, but that
doesn't make boring subjects interesting.

~~~
mercer
I've found that few things that people are passionate about are truly boring,
especially to curious hacker types like myself.

The difficult part is to find that part of the subject, even if it's just a
kernel, that triggers the interest you potentially have. This can take a
while, sometimes. Perhaps reading up on how to interview people can help in
this regard (it's helped me!).

In my case, but I suspect this is true for most humans, my 'genuine interest'
activates once the 'human interest' angle, to put it vaguely, starts
appearing. Probably because that's easier to relate to.

I hate talking about football, for example, but I've had wonderful
conversations with football fans once they started sharing personal stories of
things they experienced, adventures they had, or stories of how they used to
go to games with their fathers, and how this was one of the few ways in which
to connect with them, etc. In the process, I learned some interesting things
about football too, but that wasn't really the point for me.

Over time some of these football fans became close friends of mine. We don't
talk about football much nowadays, because it's clear that I find the topic
mind-numbingly boring. But we _do_ still talk about dads, and that's very
valuable.

~~~
afarrell
For me, the thing that made it work was when I noticed that I could apply the
same impulse that led me to spend an hour wandering on wikipedia and tvtropes.
I noticed that I tended to mostly read about history, so in conversations I
started to ask people thinks that would get them to tell me the story of how
they got interested in something or to tell some piece of the subject's
history.

------
partycoder
Checkout this site: [http://devpressed.com/](http://devpressed.com/)

And this excellent talk: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFIa-
Mc2KSk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFIa-Mc2KSk)

~~~
deadtofu
I got really excited by this devpressed site.

I have Asperger's. Plus PTSD from various stuff that happened as a result of
that.

So the idea of a safe place to share my strengths (and weaknesses) and try to
find a job that doesn't stress me out was really exciteding. So I fired up
Tor[2] and tried to register.

Then the confirmation email never name. I tried resending. Set a timer. Wait
15 minutes. Try not to perseverate.

I only have two emails - my main, plus a very old hotmail account which has
now been morphed into an Outlook addy. Outlook has a pretty rich feature set,
including aliases[1]. So I thought I'd try that.

"There's a temporary problem with the service. Please try again. If you
continue to get this message, try again later".

I go through the process again on Outlook. Set a timer for 15 minutes. Try not
to perseverate.

I guess I could use my personal email (my first name at my last name dot com),
but frankly part of why I was excited about registering.

Maybe the issue is I did the initial account registration over Tor. Or maybe
I'm just particuarly unlucky today.

All I know is my rational brain quietly whisper "Oh, just go back later, it's
probably some server side bug", and my emotional brain yells back... other
things.

I guess I could sign in with my Twitter, but if you'd been through what I've
been through, you'd have trouble trusting people too. That's how I got into
privacy and security work... feeling like I had a secret, and I needed to
protect it.

[1] [http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/add-alias-
account](http://windows.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/add-alias-account) [2]
Yeah, a VPN is probably sufficient but lately I'm interested in how much of
the web is closed off to Tor users due to crazy captchas and other gotchas.

~~~
hollander
>> In the event of a critical issue or urgent matter affecting this site,
please contact us at info@devpressed.com

[http://devpressed.com/about](http://devpressed.com/about)

~~~
deadtofu
Thanks for pointing this out! I sent an email.

------
alanwatts
The 3 P's mentioned by the author are some of the most classic human pit falls
into mental paralysis.

>1\. Personalization – the believe that we are at fault. This is the lesson
that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.

"Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise
see all blame as foolishness."

-Epictetus

>2\. Pervasiveness – the belief that an event will affect all areas of your
life

"Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear
and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them
with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the
lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be
on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream."

-Lao Tzu

>3\. Permanence – the belief that the sorrow will last forever

"A student went to his meditation teacher and said, “My meditation is
horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I’m constantly falling
asleep. It’s just horrible!”

“It will pass,” the teacher said matter-of-factly.

A week later, the student came back to his teacher. “My meditation is
wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It’s just wonderful!”

“It will pass,” the teacher replied matter-of-factly."

-old Zen tale

------
amelius
If you have depression combined with ADD, OCD, Autism or ME/CFS, then you
might want to look up "methylation" on the internet. Genetic testing can show
if you have a defect in your methylation pathways, which can lead to these
disorders, and to depression.

Good starting point: [http://geneticgenie.org/](http://geneticgenie.org/)

They even have an implementation of methylation analysis on this website.

~~~
DanBC
Do you have a reliable cite for this please?

~~~
bhickey
Genetic Genie is setting off a lot of bogosity warning bells in my head.

Yes, epigenetic methylation is associated with increased risk for all sorts of
chronic illnesses. And, yes, oxidative stress influences heritable
methylation. At the same time, the site appears to be peddling its own brand
of alternative medicine woo and affiliate links.

~~~
amelius
Check this out:

[http://geneticgenie.org/blog/2013/02/01/think-supporting-
met...](http://geneticgenie.org/blog/2013/02/01/think-supporting-methylation-
is-an-alternative-health-fad/)

~~~
bhickey
Yes, and? The entire website stinks of snake oil.

The AJHG paper they cite to is talking about folate and methylation in the
context of fetal abnormalities. This is a whole different beast from feeding
adults B12 vitamins and hoping for the best.

~~~
amelius
> and hoping for the best

Well you are supposed to do a blood test for the metabolites that occur in the
methylation pathway, to see if the cycle is running correctly. Not sure if
that is mentioned on this particular site, but this is what people are doing
for example on this ME/CFS forum [1]

> The entire website stinks of snake oil

You could still be right about this (or not), of course. I'd also like to see
some clinical trials of this approach.

[1]
[http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/methylation...](http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/methylation-
pathways-panel.4711/)

------
lowglow
Living for your dream isn't a walk in the park, so it's important to build up
a network of people you trust and can talk to. Anyone that wants to talk about
entrepreneurship, building, whatever and depression just hit me up online or
available for coffee whenever in SF. Contact info in my profile. Reach out. :)

~~~
projektir
Does private messaging on HN require some amount of karma or is it simply not
supported?

~~~
lowglow
Not supported. I have DMs on Twitter, Facebook, Baqqer, and SMS though!

------
yitchelle
It is quite a coincidence that this topic popped up on HN. On my way into work
this morning, I was listening to This American Life, in particular act 2 of
this episode [0]. It basically follows the awkwardness of two dads trying to
form a friendship in Austin.

I was thinking why is it so hard for one man to form a friendship with
another. Personally, I have found it difficult to form a friendship with other
men outside of work or of school. Now that I am about to turn 46yrs old, I can
count on one hand the number of guys I can consider a good friend. The rest
are either workmates or schoolmates.

Social contact is not the silver bullet to depression, but I believe that it
helps a lot.

[0] - [http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-
archives/episode/587/t...](http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-
archives/episode/587/the-perils-of-intimacy)

------
Pulce
Three P’s for me: Pasolini, Pertini, Pippo. EDIT: if you are not italian:
knowledge, coherence and craziness.

------
wapapaloobop
>Personalization – the believe that we are at fault

Yes, guilt is the means by which so much bad stuff gets installed in our
minds. Ideas that get passed easily from mind to mind regardless of truth
content are called _memes_. I propose the term _remes_ for ideas that get
_recalled_ easily in an individual's mind. These get rehearsed more frequently
than other ideas regardless of their truth content and so they persist; they
achieve this by generating guilt.

------
bpchaps
I agree with the sentiment, but this whole Change Through Piecemeal concept
for these sorts of things cab be discussed so much more breadth. Let's talk
about mental health with a focus on distancing the concept of 'othering' from
our heuristics instead, please.

------
meeper16
Be Chinese.

~~~
hackney
Thoughts can be your own worst enemy if left uncontrolled. I have heard
psychiatrists agree when a patient states that they cannot control them.
Totally false. The thing about depression is simply that feelings are the
hardest thing anyone will ever try to control in their own lives. Modern
psychiatry is stupid if it thinks anything is solved with medication. Then you
have bad memories. Those can be replaced if you learn to not only control your
thoughts, but also stop using the word victim in it's entirety.

