
Ask HN: How do you meet strangers? - bfffan
Steven Covey believes the way to win friends and influence people is to ask them questions and get them to talk about them selves. I feel that questions are prying and that conversations should develop organically. Because I don&#x27;t like to be interrogated, i never ask questions but get all the information I need to make a genuine connection. what do you think?
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elmerfud
I think you may be taking the advice of asking questions to literally if
you're associating the term interrogate with it. Any conversation is a series
of statements to solicit responses. This can be direct questions but it can
also be thought provoking statements. Generally you'll start with a question
and go from there. Everything you say should evoke or invite a response. If it
doesn't the conversation ends.

You don't say the purpose of meeting the strangers but in a general sense I do
it by placing myself in situations of shared similar interests. Doing this
means that questions feel less like an interrogation because everyone is there
for a similar purpose.

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jammygit
Visit a seniors home and just ask residents what they do for fun. Then, just
ask questions or do things with them if they want you to. Visit. They get
extremely lonely, and you get to learn from their life experiences. Also, you
can learn to get more comfortable while you’re at it

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mooreds
I always like to ask: "so, what do you do... For fun". Talking to someone
about their hobbies is, I find, disarming. Doesn't get you as much information
as talking shop, but builds the connection.

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CyberFonic
I like your suggestion. It's almost like a punch-line to add the "For FUN" at
the end after a two beat pause. I bet you get some chuckles too.

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JoeAltmaier
Asking questions of strangers used to be the height of rudeness (200 years
ago). I think it was Americans who pioneered the impudent query in
conversation. They got castigated for it in writing of that era anyway.

I've tried leaving out the questions. Observations work about as well. "This
meeting is certainly lasting a long time", "I've never met so-and-so...",
"What a nice venue for a get-together!" and so on. I can certainly see how
conversations could work without constantly prompting your partner for
content.

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jlengrand
I get others to talk to me. I love tech, and I'm usually not social if I don't
have to. So I create events where others talk. That puts people that like the
same subject in the same room. That also gives someone for people to talk
about. Even better, that gets others to come and talk to me without having me
to go to them .

That's why I love organizing Meetups. :).

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lintuxvi
Asking questions gives the opportunity to regain the organic flow of
conversation. If done genuinely, with actual curiosity, it's easy to
appreciate the slight awkwardness as a helpful nudge to continued connection.

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dangoljames
I stick out my hand and say "Hi I'm James."

If it's someone I've anticipated meeting, I might do the same but with more
than just casual enthusiasm.

This is really just the tip of the iceberg :)

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exabrial
Usually watching/talking [tackle] football at the local pub. It's a light
hearted and can lead to bigger topics.

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SHAKEDECADE
A solid look directly in their eyes. Pauseing to build some tension..

“What’s your favorite color?”

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bfffan
male or female? do you have different strategies for different sexes?

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CyberFonic
NO! Approach everybody as a fellow human! Compliments on simple things are
always a good ice-breaker. Can easily lead to a question to continue any
conversation.

