
“I paid $25 for an Invisible Boyfriend, and I think I might be in love” - pratiksaha
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2015/01/22/i-paid-25-for-an-invisible-boyfriend-and-i-think-i-might-be-in-love/
======
nissimk
This article was great. I especially liked:

    
    
       “Oh my God,” I thought. “This total stranger, whoever he or she is, thinks I cry myself to sleep while watching public television and texting a paid fake boyfriend I named after an actor.”
    

To all you folks saying this is really sad, or wrong, this is a novelty. It's
like the digital equivalent of a gag gift. It's a great conversation starter
and really very funny.

------
Red_Tarsius
I think it's not as much about social proof as it is about feeling protected
and cared for. The marketing strategy ("social proof" over "feeling lonely")
let the users benefit from the service without feeling shame: loneliness is
unfortunately still considered some kind of stigma.

Invisible Boyfriend might be the polar opposite and complement of
prostitution: the first simulating the love between a protector and his
protégé, the second providing a sex partner. I'm not implying any moral fault,
but it's fascinating nonetheless.

------
inglesp
Is this a "Black Mirror moment"?

[http://www.theverge.com/2014/12/31/7471901/i-cant-stop-
compa...](http://www.theverge.com/2014/12/31/7471901/i-cant-stop-comparing-
everything-to-black-mirror)

~~~
bigtunacan
Yeah, this made me think of a first step towards "Be Right Back"

------
mhomde
Reminds me of the autistic kid whose only friend is Siri

[http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-j-cameron-phd-
bcbad/an...](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-j-cameron-phd-bcbad/an-
individual-with-autism_b_5534741.html)

~~~
LeoPanthera
I love that story. His friendship with Siri is more genuine than the
relationship offered by this service - if one-sided.

------
Animats
Virtual girlfriends have been popular in Japan for years. Love Plus (2009) for
the Nintendo DS was the first to catch on. There are now many others. Some
text and send you pictures of what they're doing. You can send your virtual
girlfriend presents on-line, which costs real money.

Now in beta, an Oculus Rift virtual girlfriend.

~~~
ChrisClark
> You can send your virtual girlfriend presents on-line, which costs real
> money.

Pure profit. In App Payments for the lonely. Not sure how I'd feel if I was
making money off that.

------
falcolas
This makes for an interesting thought experiment, particularly when you
compare and contrast it with the concept of the "waifu" (loosely, an animated
character from Anime or videogames people associate as being their significant
other).

One is a coping mechanism for handing external pressures, the other internal.
I wonder how healthy either can be in the long run.

------
taki
Reading this all I can think of are the "ractors" in Stephenson's "The Diamond
Age"
([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Diamond_Age](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Diamond_Age)).

~~~
Vaskivo
I'm reading and loving that book.

Of all the technological wonders of the setting, "ractors" are what amazed me
the most. It's the perfect interactive experience, a full-time "Wizard of
Oz"[0].

Maybe we can see something of the kind in the following year with the
advancement of VR thechnology..

[0]
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wizard_of_Oz_experiment](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wizard_of_Oz_experiment)

~~~
ashark
The first third or so of the Diamond Age is one of my favorite things I've
ever read. It's full of great ideas.

------
shirro
Pity it is wasted on sham romance. If something like this took the form of a
Young Lady's Illustrated Primer it might be interesting.

------
comboy
Reminded me of "The Entire History of You" from Black Mirror[1] tv series (I
really don't feel like calling it that way, it's more like a separate movies).
I highly recommend it.

I wonder how long it takes before those lower(st) paid jobs for those that are
not specialized in anything will be in something like mechanical turk.
Especially in this example it's visible that those can sometimes require
somewhat local workers, so they may spread outside countries with lowest cost
of living.

~~~
beaumartinez
Funny, it reminded me more of the episode "Be Right Back".

~~~
comboy
Oh, right! Sorry I didn't remember the title and checked wrong.

------
edpichler
This article remembered me again that Psychology is something really
interesting. No matter how strange all of this can appear to us looking from
an outside view, this is how our brain works. If you know how psychology works
you are able to create new business around of it. After reading it I wonder
about how much, strange or not, psychology demands people have.

------
swamp40
_The thing that has been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is
that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun._ ~
Ecclesiastes 1:9

George Glass:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2egRZia504](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2egRZia504)

------
zaroth
5000 users signed up in a day and it's $25 for 100 text messages in a month.
That's bank.

~~~
biot
Depends on the definition of "signed up". 99% of them may have signed up for
the free 10 text message trial. Without knowing the conversion from signup to
paid, retention rates, and so on it could be either wildly profitable or
losing money.

------
novalis78
There is a similar appeal to conversing with a self-learning chatbot
(thinkingai.com, etc). Not as consistent at times, but similarly intriguing
how "easy" it is to trick you into believing you had a "real" relationship.

------
dirtflinger
OH YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! I built something like this a long
long time ago as a quirky project for my CS class at Columbia. When I pitched
the idea to my buddies, they thought it was stupid and that my prof would have
given me a shitty grade. So I scrapped it and submitted another project
instead. I had 3 bots hooked up to the Facebook API on April 1st and it was so
believable that my girlfriend thought I was cheating on her. One time she said
"who the hell is this Rachel??" and would not let me leave the room until I
told her who she was. I eventually confessed and she thought it was a
hilarious idea. Too bad I got too busy with other shit that I put the project
away on the side burner. Now I'm thinking about pulling it out again..........

------
gambiter
$25/month for 100 texts? Talk about easy money... I need to start a company.

------
SG-
Basically virtual escorting as a service (not all escorting is sex, some of it
is just companionship). For now there's no sex involved but with how easy it
is to connect people nearby you could easily see this type of service expand
in markets where it's legal.

I could see nude selfies being sent too down the road (again a different
service, not exactly this one).

~~~
jacquesm
> I could see nude selfies being sent too down the road (again a different
> service, not exactly this one).

That's called instagram.

~~~
mod
Uhh no, it's called snapchat.

------
drcomputer
People used to look at me weird when I explained how I was paranoid that
someone was routing all of my conversations between multiple people, in an
effort to cluster intelligence and intellectual contributions without any
participant knowing what they were contributing to.

Take that, therapy. Yes, the paranoia was somewhat imaginative, but it was an
exaggeration of something that actually can be mechanized. The people I
explained this to didn't believe me that you could create chat streams this
way.

~~~
MasterScrat
Interesting. I've always been interested in building such a system.

~~~
kefka
Unfortunately, it was already built. And what came out of it was Anonymous.

Ever hear of 4Chan?

------
captain_crabs
This is so cool...I built a large part of this, and now it's everywhere!!

------
Ocamen
"The man on the other end isn’t imaginary. He’s a real human person"

And a real hero?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DSVDcw6iW8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DSVDcw6iW8)

------
IgorPartola
This really reminds of the 30 Rock episode about porn for women:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGcRz9jJJCU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGcRz9jJJCU)

Edit: before anyone questions it, I am not saying that in any derogatory
manner. Just a similar concept in a way, though obviously this has very
different value proposition.

------
flatline
Ryan, or Susan? I like that Ryan is a composite of many Turkers, but don't see
why he should be played only by men. In fact I bet women would be better
overall at text-flirting with other women.

------
m4tthumphrey
What happens when mum want's to meet him/her?

~~~
stephancoral
That's where my new service, visibleboyfriend.io, comes in. We lease premium
models, in both male and female forms, to accompany you to business meetings,
family dinners, government functions et cetera. Our models have all been
vetted as being 'significantly more attractive than anyone you could probably
hope to date' by an independent council of data scientists and casting agency
magnates. We also train our models to be conversant in various worldly topics,
ranging from literature (Byron is especially popular these days) to art
history to economics and politics. Email me for more details and to sign up
for our beta: steve@visibleboyfriend.io

~~~
kevlee
Should have committed to the bit and registered that domain.

------
jeena
> the service has also seen a surge in interest from people in conservative
> countries, particularly in South America and Europe, where the stigmas
> against being single or LGBT remain pretty strong.

Uhm this is odd, I don't know about South America but Europe? Here in Sweden
LGBT people are even allowed to marry in church before their god
[http://www.upi.com/Top_News/International/2009/10/22/Church-...](http://www.upi.com/Top_News/International/2009/10/22/Church-
of-Sweden-to-conduct-gay-weddings/UPI-59671256256299/)

~~~
meej
I think the key phrase in that sentence is "conservative countries". Much of
Eastern Europe still doesn't permit gay marriage, for example. Here's a good
map:
[http://www.freedomtomarry.org/landscape/entry/c/internationa...](http://www.freedomtomarry.org/landscape/entry/c/international)

------
justboxing
I don't understand how their business model could scale, i.e. how they would
be profitable, if indeed, they have real person(s) responding to multiple
women (or users who've designated themselves as a woman :).

Let say 1 "real human" is responding to 10 women at the same time, the
membership income from these 10 users (not accounting for software, hardware
overheads even) = $25 / month X 10 paid users = $250.

If this "real human" is located in US, even taking a minimum wage of $10 /
hour and assuming he/she works 160 hours a month ( 8 hours per day x 5 days a
week x 4 weeks a month), the cost of having this "real person" on the payroll
= $1,600 per month!

$250 - $1,600 = - $1,350. i.e. they would be losing over 1K per every few
users if this is how they are doing it.

Unless, of course, the "real human person(s)" responding to multiple women are
located in India / China and work for $1 a day or something like that.

Or maybe they are using Machine Learning or some sort of Artificial
Intelligence, to come up with "Cute" Texts and responses based on the User's
selected preferences and his/her past Texts to this "Invisible Boyfriend".

Only in the last case does it makes sense. But then, they'd be guilty of
"false advertizing" if they claim that a "real human person" is at the other
end responding...

~~~
ghshephard
You are off by a couple orders of magnitude on the number of people that a
real human responds to. They get paid a few (Say, 5) cents for each text, so,
to earn around $10/hour, they would need to send 200 texts/hour (which is
pretty easy/trivial if you are doing this full time). Each package includes up
to 100 texts/month, so, that is 1 real person per two customers/hour, or
16/day, or 320 customers/month per customer representative.

Looked at another way - one customer representative can support two
customers/hour (in aggregate, obviously they don't send all their texts to one
person in an hour). The customer representative gets paid $10/hour, the two
customers pay $50/hour.

Pretty good business model.

~~~
ajays
> they would need to send 200 texts/hour (which is pretty easy/trivial if you
> are doing this full time).

Context switching would take a while. You can't just reply with random phrases
a-la Eliza[1] . In the article, the "boyfriend" responds to a specific
question about Downton Abbey. Sure, in this instance the responder may be a
fan of DA; but in the general case, it'll require more than 18 seconds
(@200/hr) to just type up an intelligent, context-relevant response.

~~~
ghshephard
It turns out they watched Downton Abbey, in which case it's a 15 second
response. If they hadn't watched Downton Abbey - also 15 second response.

And, from reading the script - it's apparently the case that the same CSA will
get scheduled in for short periods of time with the same customer - able to
maintain a thread, and presumably, all the CSAs have the thread available to
respond.

~~~
discardorama
> all the CSAs have the thread available to respond.

That's the catch: they have to read the full thread and then respond... in 18
seconds on average! That is a lot. I can barely read a decent-sized paragraph
in 18 seconds; and the average typing speed of a _professional_ is 50 - 80
wpm; which means even a 10-word response will take around 10 seconds to type.
So you have 8 seconds left to grok the entire context and form a coherent
response! And do this for hours at an end.

~~~
ghshephard
Yes - I concur that if there is a context switch - you'll run into some
performance issues, good point. This suggests then that the system performs
best when people are doing back-and-forth on a single thread.

------
CitizenKane
Funny to see this here. My business partner did the design and I'm friends
with the team.

I can't say that I feel much for the business, but I've been continually
impressed by its ability to generate press. People _love_ talking about and
debating this concept, and I can't say that I've been completely free from it.

That being said, this is currently probably the most covered startup from
Saint Louis. While it is nice to see a startup from this ecosystem getting
this amount of press attention, it's disappointing at the same time. I know a
lot of people working on very ambitious and difficult problems that would kill
for a tenth of the amount of attention that Invisible Boyfriend and Invisible
Girlfriend get.

~~~
briholt
I just learned about this today. This is the greatest marketing concept since
"million dollar homepage." My life is a failure for not having thought of
this.

~~~
discardorama
> My life is a failure for not having thought of this.

Actually, I did think of this, many times. But my biggest bottleneck was: how
will I scale up the replies? I could handle being a "boyfriend" for, say, 10
women. But any bigger, and I'd need help. I considered MTurk, but thought that
quality control would be an issue. (What if the MTurk guy really starts
hitting on the woman, they exchange numbers and then he starts stalking her?).
Anyways: after considering all the messiness, I gave it a pass.

~~~
enjo
_Anyways: after considering all the messiness, I gave it a pass._

There is a lesson here. "Computer people" have a real aversion to simply
scaling up a business by using humans to do things. Sometimes that simple
answer (hire a bunch of people to do stuff) is the right answer, provided the
economics of the business work.

~~~
vehementi
What? discardorama was merely wrong - the real service DOES use the approach
they considered!!

------
dprat0821
It's inspiring but I have a question: People always think they can describe
what they need (a perfect boyfriend?) But in fact not. "Perfect" things get
boring very quickly, especially when you know it's designed.

------
drzaiusapelord
>>“That rapport you feel with Ryan may actually be six or seven Ryans,” Homann
explains.

Or Rhondas. Women know what women want from a fake boyfriend service. What
subterfuge is needed to fool the parents, what parents expect, etc. The text
exchange about Downton Abbey makes me suspect that their staff are, at least
partly, female.

~~~
dsuth
Women and men have distinctly different energies, even over text-based
mediums. While this wouldn't necessarily stop them from doing this, it's not
how I'd design the service.

------
oldgun
Gee. Thought this might only happen in a 'Black Mirror' episode.

------
Raphmedia
Invisible Girlfriend Monthly Subscription: $24.99/month

100 texts 10 voicemails 1 postcard

...

I think 100 texts is a bit low for $24.99/month. The postcard option is very
nice, so are the voice mails however.

But how do the voice mails work? Will it be the same voice every time?

~~~
kazagistar
25 cents for a "culturally and emotionally attuned" response seems fairly
reasonable to me. It comes out to something like 100 seconds per response just
to match minimum US wage.

~~~
Raphmedia
It's good for long messages. However, I could see someone go through the 100
SMS very quickly in a "conversation" where the imaginary person has to answer
a bunch of short texts like "yes", "and you", etc.

I've tried the free trial, which is 10 SMS and went through them in half an
hour or so (and that's because they don't reply very quickly). Haven't even
got to the parts that I customized, I was still at "Hello there, how are
you!", "Did you have a great day?" "Oh, and your?".

That's 4 SMS a day or so. At this point, I would simply use a chatbot, since
they are fine with the basic conversations that I would manage to get to in 4
sms.

I guess you could have two 50 SMS conversations a month, but even then, good
luck fooling someone into thinking this is your real lover.

The only plus I can see is that you can have someone tell you "Alright, if she
is really your girlfriend, ask her something only your close friends know
about you" and "she" would manage to answer.

Not very convinced about the service.

~~~
tpeo
_' I could see someone go through the 100 SMS very quickly in a "conversation"
where the imaginary person has to answer a bunch of short texts like "yes",
"and you", etc.'_

Reminds me of the Argument Clinic sketch.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQFKtI6gn9Y#t=79](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQFKtI6gn9Y#t=79)

~~~
gknoy
No it does-- er, nevermind. :D

------
Mawaai
Lets call it BaaS. Boyfriend As A Service.

~~~
brandnewlow
IaaS: Intimacy as a Service.

------
Shivetya
No offense, it just creeps me out. Then again I do know people whose only
friends are in MMOs and that provides visual stimulation as well.

------
ergl
I wonder what would happen if you signed up for a boyfriend and a girlfriend
and had them talk to each other

~~~
Torgo
So uh, there are attractive girls on Fiverr that will pretend to be your
girlfriend on Facebook for a month (friending, n posts/likes on your posts per
month, etc) for five dollars. I paid two of them to "fight" over me just to
troll my friends. It turns out this piques interest in other women :-P

This is why I don't use my real name on HN.

~~~
JDiculous
That's pretty genius actually. Women definitely tend to be more interested in
men who are being sought after by other women.

~~~
bra-ket
same with VCs

~~~
DanielleMolloy
I sense a business model here.

~~~
Torgo
What have I done

------
return0
Not surprised that it works, it looks like something fun to do on both sides.
In fact, i believe people who love romance would sign up for a free service
like this on both ends. (Since their niche is people who dont want to have the
actual relationships, they could easily pair up their users with each other as
pure conversation partners).

The sad thing is the reason that this app exists. Has it become so taboo to be
single that you have to pay to hide it?

~~~
ctdonath
The really sad thing is that by using something (like this) to veil
singleness, one cuts off any genuine interest from a genuine person. Few will
initiate a date with someone texting their (unbenownst virtual) "significant
other".

~~~
dsuth
Thats really not how dating works, at all. Competition spurs attraction, not
the other way around.

~~~
nmcfarl
The latter half is true, I think.

But I’d say there’s a significant chunk of folk* who will not hit on people
they know are in a relationship. In the first month of your subscription this
probably won’t have an effect, but by the sixth month...

\----

* This is obviously very cultural - who and where you are can change this a lot in either direction I imagine.

~~~
LLWM
There's a significant chunk of folk who will not hit on anyone at all because
they have no confidence or social skills. We get along just fine without them.

------
mparramon
Discussion on reddit:
[http://www.reddit.com/r/TrueReddit/comments/2teai9/i_paid_25...](http://www.reddit.com/r/TrueReddit/comments/2teai9/i_paid_25_for_an_invisible_boyfriend_and_i_think/)

------
empressplay
This sounds like the premise of a Black Mirror episode =)

------
Bmneilson
Perfect example of ProductHunt traffic..

------
dorfsmay
I try to explain this the first time I took a Myers-Briggs.

"You're an INTG. Get together with other INTGs, read the descriptions... See,
isn't this you?"

~~~
wtbob
I will say, that as much as Myers-Briggs exploits the Forer Effect, that I did
notice a few trends, e.g. that I cannot _stand_ folks in one particular group
(and no doubt they cannot stand me, either!). And it did seem fairly good at
distinguishing extroverts from introverts (assuming arguendo that such a
distinction is meaningful).

~~~
dorfsmay
Most personality classifications have some bases and some value, but this
particular exercise really turned me off.

I'm ok with saying "this is an attempt at classification, it's an extra data
point", but I'm not ok with resorting to scammy techniques, if anything it
tells me that the classification can't stand on its own and has therefore very
little value.

------
chucksmart
Attached to a text message? WTF (Recursive).

------
discardorama
For $25/month, I wonder how the economics of this work out.

Say they pay $0.05/text (to the MTurker). In about 500 texts, the budget will
be used up. That's about 15 texts/day; that's not a lot for today.

~~~
Jtsummers
That plan included 100 texts per month (last paragraph of the article).

~~~
discardorama
Dammit, I somehow missed that.

------
lrei
I wonder why they have the silly 2 + 3 = ? thing in their form at the bottom
of the homepage.

It's text/html, so it can't be anti-bot and seems like pointless for a
human... Does anyone else know the logic behind that?

~~~
CyberShadow
I don't see the field you're referring to, but I'll try to answer with a best
guess anyway.

Most web spam bots fall into two categories:

1\. They target a certain web software package (such as WordPress), for which
they know the HTML layout and the range of possible CAPTCHA challenges.

2\. They try to fill out every HTML form they find blindly, using heuristics
based on the names of form input elements.

To defeat both, all you need to do is to write a custom HTML form by hand
(which defeats category 1), and add a simple CAPTCHA challenge (which defeats
category 2).

~~~
lrei
Thanks. But that challenge is so trivial to defeat by simple pattern matching
with zero cost that the cost of adding code to a bot to break this type of
challenge seems negligible.

PS: it's a the bottom of the landing page (not signup)

~~~
recursive
If a negligible cost is a high enough cost, then why do more?

------
brador
It's surprising how many people are dateable once you remove looks from the
equation.

~~~
CapitalistCartr
For most people, looks ARE part of the equation. It's like removing Pi from an
equation. I wonder what's going to happen when science makes looks whatever we
want, like hair color.

~~~
gadders
Two people that have had surgery to look beautiful are going to marry, fall in
love and start a family. And then be really surprised when their baby comes
out fugly.

~~~
CmonDev
He meant genetic engineering of adults. Inheritable.

~~~
csours
Adult genetic engineering would not be inheritable. Your gonads produce
variations of genetic material based on their own blueprints (which come from
you parents, not your genes).

See:
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Germline](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Germline)

[http://www.nature.com/news/a-slippery-slope-to-human-
germlin...](http://www.nature.com/news/a-slippery-slope-to-human-germline-
modification-1.13358)

[http://www.dnapolicy.org/pub.reports.php?action=detail&repor...](http://www.dnapolicy.org/pub.reports.php?action=detail&report_id=3)

~~~
natrius
What.

------
nodata
I see an additional service waiting to be sold.

~~~
smoyer
A virtual counsellor? Psychiatrist?

Does this represent a messed up person or a messed up culture?

~~~
MasterScrat
Probably he meant an actual "partner", meaning tricking yourself on purpose to
a certain degree.

Even if you are talking to multiple people you could imagine keeping tracks of
your key facts and interests, maybe use data mining from actual conversations
to auto-suggest answers, automatically check out your social medias etc.

------
saiya-jin
all I see is a fear (of being alone, whatever might be the reason) and
weakness (to face reality, to stand to annoying people around etc.). You wanna
be alone? So be, and be proud of it, no small lies all around you. Or way more
realistically, you wanna partner? Well get the hell out of your stupid phone
and meet real people. It ain't easy, but nothing really important in life
is...

~~~
andyhmltn
I would suggest reading the article instead of just the title before
responding

------
siscia
I found it so wrong...

Sentiments are real, I don't think anybody should play with other person
feeling...

Of course the user signed up, and they think that this is what they want, but
I honestly believe that nobody want to risk to fail in love for a nobody...

~~~
pizza234
The concepts involved in the article are confusing attraction with love.

Independently of how arbitrary attraction and love are, there's certainly a
difference between them, depth being the divider.

With this in mind, the "falling in love" the author is talking about, which
may also apply to the crowds using such service, is the equivalent of a
teenager "falling in love" with, say, Tom Cruise.

Although of course, services like this pose a "risk" of falling in such state,
there's nothing really "wrong" (in the "damaging" sense of the term) with it.

~~~
hobs
I don't even think it is attraction, just a person (like most) who craves
additional acknowledgement and attention because it is a powerful feeling.

I have seen people go out craving attention and not being satisfied until they
have gotten a hit from someone.

To me it is the same impulse that has people meticulously manage a facebook
profile so they can get kudos from practical strangers.

~~~
siscia
People are different, maybe provide a little bit of attention to somebody that
have never been loved can go a looong way in my humble opinion.

It is just extremely broad as argument.

I personally feel a lot of attraction to people just because the click well
with my thoughts, but I know from experience that this is extremely dangerous
and difficult to manage.

------
graup
Reminds me of the movie "Her" about an invisible AI girlfriend. Worth
watching!

~~~
bshimmin
It reminded me of that too, since I read the article to the end.

~~~
pbhjpbhj
Ha, reading the comments it reminded me of Her too and I was wondering why no-
one was mentioning the similarity.

~~~
Kiro
Because it's already discussed in the article itself.

------
Kenji
With some effort, you could get a visible boyfriend for 0$. But yeah, it's
hard to overcome laziness.

~~~
UrMomReadsHN
Laziness? If you just enter a relationship just for the sake of having a
relationship thats not fair to the other person involved. (Source: been the
"other person.")

~~~
Kenji
A proper relationship needs effort. Even if all the feelings are involved. The
hurdle to start one is especially high, you have to go out there, open
yourself up and prepare to get hurt. Now, of course you can say this is a very
cold and unromantic way to look at it. It is, yes, but I'm not on HN to
romanticise. I'm sorry to hear what happened to you.

~~~
UrMomReadsHN
Duh. Everyone knows relationships take time effort and sacrifice to be
successful.

The point is this service is being marketed for those who don't wish to be in
a relationship for whatever reason but want to give the appearance of being in
one to others. Perhaps they are semi closeted or asexual or don't have the
time to devote to a significant other or simply just don't want to give up
their autonomy yet (or ever).

If someone starts a relationship for the wrong reason - because they only want
to be in a relationship, not because they are in love with the other person -
it is not fair. The other person doesn't matter, anyone will do, feelings
won't there. That isn't very nice to the other party and just leads to hurt.

This happens all the time. All the time. Especially with marriages.

Not everyone wants to be in a relationship (for whatever reason) and that is
fine. That also isn't a very socially acceptable choice. This service is
marketing to that segment.

It has nothing to do with laziness.

------
xianshou
A perfect application of the Forer effect: humans have an amazing ability to
interpret what can apply to anyone as having special significance for
themselves.

It's the same reason why horoscopes and fortune cookies work. Stepping back
and thinking logically, it's easy to see why their messages might apply to a
lot of people. But when you're reading one, you can't help but think, "Ah! It
says that I would encounter adversity at work this week, but overcome it! I
_knew_ that presentation wasn't the end of the world." And if you're a little
lonely or down and need emotional rapport, you can't help but feel a little
spark of excitement and connection when that Mechanical Turker claims to like
your favorite TV show - especially because the text messages from the fake
partner look just like they would from a real one.

No matter how deeply we trust our logical conclusions, our emotional response
remains the same. We can't help but feel worthier when we're being praised
(even by computers - see the Silicon Sycophants study:
[http://pdf.aminer.org/000/307/350/information_requirements_a...](http://pdf.aminer.org/000/307/350/information_requirements_are_human_computers_only_machines_measur_s_rigorous.pdf)),
hurt when we're being insulted, and connected when we're being connected with.

~~~
SloopJon
> No matter how deeply we trust our logical conclusions, our emotional
> response remains the same. We can't help but feel worthier when we're being
> praised (even by computers ...), hurt when we're being insulted, and
> connected when we're being connected with.

I just started playing The Walking Dead. In one scene, after another character
saved Clementine from a zombie before I could, the game said, "Clementine
remembers that you didn't save her." A very different feeling than failing and
having to replay from a checkpoint.

~~~
TeMPOraL
I had a lot of similar feelings with Mass Effect series. In this game all the
decisions you make permanently reshape the game world, which carries through
the first game to second and third. Major and minor characters in the last
game may be missing or doing different things based on your actions in the
first game. While playing I felt the impact of my steps in even tiny details.

This, + general storyline and execution of the product made it the first game
I found myself to be _really_ involved emotionally with. Say, when I picked up
the second game and met an important NPC from the first, I literally felt like
I've just rejoined with an old friend. By the third game I actually printed
out a photo of my character and her entire team. It's crazy how deep a good
video game can touch you.

Oh, and I spent 10-15 minutes thinking heavily about morality and consequences
just to choose the _right_ ending...

~~~
SloopJon
Funny you should mention Mass Effect, because I'm playing that for the first
time as well. Evidently there's a romantic sub-plot, making it even more
relevant to this story. Will I get an Xbox achievement and 25 gamer points if
I get lucky?

~~~
TeMPOraL
I don't know. I played PC. Also, achievements in a game like ME are stupid and
ruin immersion. Turn them off if you can (on PC version I don't recall them
popping up in game anyway).

As for romantic subplots - they are very good and the game will totally hijack
your emotions through them.

------
smoyer
I find it sad that she needs an invisible boyfriend ... her friends and family
shouldn't be pressuring her and if she's got someone harassing her, will
showing him a text really stop it?

Both these scenarios assume she's happy without a BF but the fact that she
describes feeling that she might have fallen in love could also mean she
actually wants a boyfriend but can't find one. Things are tougher on women
these days
([http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/02/sex_i...](http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/02/sex_is_cheap.2.html)).

~~~
werid
She doesn't need an invisible boyfriend. She's testing it for the article.

In one of her texts to "Ryan" she writes: "Ha, you're better than my real bf".

~~~
unlogic
I wonder how OK it is in their relationship to say things like that. That's
obviously a joke, but it still comes quite bitter when such phrases are then
revealed to general public.

~~~
noir_lord
No it doesn't, it comes across as a light hearted joke.

Context is important as is apparently a thicker skin.

~~~
drzaiusapelord
Well, imagine if the gender roles were reversed then. "Haha, you're so much
better/funnier/sexier than my gf" would be a disaster to a woman, especially
if I spent my day flirting with this fake girl. The hypothetical real
girlfriend taking offense at this is 100% understandable. Go ahead and post to
/r/askwomen if they think it would be hilarious if their boyfriends and
husbands flirted with a fake woman 24/7 and compared her to them. I suspect
you won't be getting this libertine and ultra-thick skinned response out of
them.

To a guy on the receiving end, its "buck up, pussy" which seems unfair. Men's
feelings deserve validation too. Shamefully, the gender dual standard
continues even to the younger ultra-liberal crowd who dominate HN.

~~~
EGreg
I'm a liberal but probably not the demographic you think.

Compare if the situation was reversed for the following phrase: "Oh, you're so
much more dependable than my actual gf." Or "Oh, you're so much funnier than
my actual girlfriend". Men would get far more offended than women. Why is
that? Why aren't there as many female comedians?

I think that biologically, women value the intimacy and sexual appeal that
their mate seeks in them, and are jealous/threatened when he seeks it in
others. While men value the respect and sexual availability that their mate
gives to them, and are jealous/threatened when she gives it to others. It
ultimately goes back to the very real difference that women can have less
children simultaneously than men, and therefore men are the first to be
sacrificed for the good of the group and polygamy was a very natural state for
men who were the ones who risked and died in wars and other adventures to
provide for their tribes.

I highly recommend you read this:
[http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm](http://denisdutton.com/baumeister.htm)

~~~
drzaiusapelord
Justifying dual standards with questionable evolutionary psychology, frankly,
is just not convincing.

If I found my wife flirting with other men online, be it via a "fake" service
- whatever that may mean, its a serious violation of my trust and damages our
relationship on a significant level. I don't care what hamfisted biological
theories you toss out, its hurtful and disloyal. We're not all Sheldon Cooper.

>adventures to provide for their tribes.

I don't live in a tribal society and I suspect neither do you. I can't have 10
wives or 20 mistresses nor challenge people to honor duels. In fact, the state
demands I'm non-violent, have only one wife, and society puts a great deal of
pressure on us to stay monogamous. We have next to nothing in common with
cavemen and the tribes of old.

I live in a modern society and play by its rules, that includes taking
monogamy seriously in my marriage. My wife doesn't get the luxury of being
immune from this because she's a woman and my feelings towards monogamy aren't
invalidated because I'm a man.

~~~
mattgreenrocks
I think people cling to these theories in the hope they could explain every
facet of human behavior. There's no Grand Unifying Theory of Relationships,
period.

Certain people may act a certain way, but if you're choosing a mate, you don't
want just _anybody_. Life isn't a popularity contest; you're not trying to
capture the imagination of a random person. People mature at different rates,
and have different value systems. These forces check our base impulses, and
shape us into someone who is more than just the product of our own petty
desires.

Worse, reductionism often carries with it an implicit acquiescence to terrible
behavior.

