

Ask HN: How do you successfully work at home with a family? - tnorthcutt

Our first baby will be arriving sometime in the next few weeks. I primarily work at home (although I have access to shared office space as well), and I'm interested in hearing how others have been able to maintain productivity with that arrangement. I'm not expecting to be hugely productive for the first few weeks - I'm asking more about long-term strategies. I have some ideas of my own, but am open to hearing about anything that has worked for others.
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michael_dorfman
I went with the "outside office space" solution. Even after I cashed out of my
first start-up, and was in between things, I still maintained an office in
town rather than working at home.

I can't speak for anyone else, but for my family, it's much clearer for
everybody this way. When I'm at the office, I'm working. When I'm at home, I'm
home. My wife doesn't mind my working long hours at the office, but when I'm
home, she and the children get my complete attention.

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narag
I completely agree. I guess not every spouse is the same. But do this as soon
as problems arise. Too late for me.

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garrickvanburen
Biggest recommendation - have a home office with a door that close...and some
noise-canceling headphones.

I've 3 pre-K kids and have worked at home since before all of them arrived.
The kids know that when my office door is closed - I'm at work.

Overall - I find working at home with family to be less interruptive and
distracting than an outside office.

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andymo
The hardest part working from home is telling your kids work is why you can
give them attention they need. My kids are in HS now so are out of the house
most of the day which makes it easier. Its still a challenge to maintain the
separation between working time and not working time (though even when i went
to an office, i was always working). Its important to get some time out of the
home even just to maintain your own sanity. As long as you don't have to be on
the phone, working at a local libraries or starbucks can be a good change of
pace.

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bendmorris
Our son was born exactly three weeks ago, and I work from home. (I'm assuming
you're the dad in this scenario.)

For the initial recovery period I found that being in the same room or nearby
out of a desire to be helpful was a bad idea. (I don't want to seem like a
jerk here, but I have things that I absolutely have to get done. No paternity
leave for me.) Simply because my wife knew I was there, she would ask me to do
more and more small things for her, i.e. walk across the room and get that
blanket for me. Frequent little distractions are a productivity killer. If I
was downstairs with a baby monitor, the requests would be a little less
frequent. The optimal solution (if I wanted to actually get anything done) was
to work outside the home but within about 10 minutes. This way, if she really
needs something, I'm a phone call and a short drive away, but generally she
has to remember to ask for things she needs when I'm home and non-essential
tasks can wait.

So, I'd recommend finding a place close by where you can work on your own, and
take breaks every couple hours to come home and help with anything.

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apowell
I agree with this. Our daughter is 10 months old now. Originally I had a
separate home office, but even that wasn't separate enough for me. I felt
compelled to help -- it's tough to be at home, knowing that you _can_ get up
and help, and not do it.

Now I have a permanent desk in a coworking space that's five minutes from
home, and it's better for everyone.

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tom_b
I have two pre-K children. My wife and I both work FT. After each baby got to
around 7 or 8 months, we used an outside-the-home daycare provider. We both
work some from home.

This was critical at the time, as neither of us was in a position to provide
primary care to the babies during the day. We were really happy with this and
our kids have done well with daycare.

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rkneufeld
I've been working at home for about six months now, three of which I've taken
care of our daughter from 9am-1pm. I start working at 7am until my wife leaves
for her part-time job (while she is on maternity from her teaching position).
During daddy-daughter time our daughter takes at least one 1-2 hour nap and
depending on her mood she sometimes watches a cartoon and eats on her own
while I work on less "hard" development tasks.

When my wife is home I find the "door closed == serious work time" method and
noise cancelling headphones do the trick. The most important thing is that
your partner/children know and understand that your work space is a place
where you work. My wife knows that I wouldn't be able to do X if I was in an
office elsewhere, so I probably can't do X either while I am working at home.

On a side note: A very nice benefit of working home w/ family is the ability
to take breathers whenever you so chose -- completely remove yourself from
your work environment for a few minutes and (hopefully) change your
perspective/attitude to a more beneficial one.

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justinchen
First, I had to make it clear to my family that when I'm working, I'm working.
I have a separate work space so they try not to bother me when I'm there. You
could also try other indicators when you're not in your workspace...where a
"work hat"? :)

Second, I head out to a co-working space or cafe a few days a week. Getting
out of the house for the change of scenery is a huge energy boost and it helps
to interact with other working people.

A couple of notes of taking care of the baby while working: (1) The newborns
are on short cycles but if they're mild babies, you actually do end up with
lots of time on your hands. You just need to be focused and get to your task
right away since you'll likely be interrupted in an hour or so. Break things
up into 30min-1hour chunks. (2) I tried taking care of our 6 months old full
time while working at the same time -- doesn't work. I got maybe an hour of
work done a day. If this is your scenario, hire a nanny!

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wmboy
I've got a 2 year old son and a 7 week old daughter. For your first born you
can forget about the first 2 weeks - that's time to devote to becoming a
father (sounds cheesy but that's the way it is).

Once a routine is formed it is still very hard, especially when you little boy
finds his way into your office with a storybook in his hand wanting you to
read it to him. Expect to be doing some late nights when the house is finally
quiet.

Perhaps you could consider investing your first considerable revenue in an
outdoor office so that you're actually "leaving the house" when you go to
work. That's what I'll be doing...

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raphaelb
I tried a home office with a door that closes but found it just easier to get
an out of house office. I did fine with just my wife but with a baby it was
really hard to not go help when I heard him crying for an hour, etc.

Also my wife found it much more empowering to just have to deal with the baby
on her own instead of having me as a 'last resort' option just a knock away.

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petervandijck
I would not do any work for the first 2 weeks after the baby is born. Or work
for a few hours a day, but get out of the house for those hours.

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sry_not4sale
by working at 11PM at night ;)

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haploid
Um. Why did you elect to have a child _before_ considering the impact it would
have on your livelihood?

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geoffw8
Think longterm dude.

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haploid
What does this even mean? Considering the 18+ year impact that a child would
have on one's livelihood/career/business/passions _is_ thinking long term.

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geoffw8
Lets say in 10 years he flips a company. The kid has college money, parents
who are financially secure - and if the OP wanted, he could forget the office
and spend what would be work-hours with his kid.

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haploid
I think you may have missed the point of my question. The OP is wondering how
he can maintain his productivity with a little sprog monopolizing his
time/attention( he was more diplomatic than that, but that's the crux of the
issue ).

I then asked why he didn't consider this possible impact on his livelihood(
the productivity aspect )before deciding to have a kid.

So, to use your response as a template, I would rewrite with the following:

Let's say in 10 years he fails to get his company off the ground because 4+
hours per day that would have been previously available to him to work on his
project were not, due to the presence of a child. The kid has to take out
student loans, parents who have nothing to show for 10 years of stress - and
if the OP had to, he could take a second job and spend what would be kid-hours
with his work.

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geoffw8
Your assuming he planned the kid, firstly.

Each to their own I guess.

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haploid
I am assuming he lives in a Western nation, in which case a decision to forgo
contraception, and a decision to not abort, _is_ planning to have a child.

