
Why Kids Invent Imaginary Friends - pseudolus
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/07/why-do-kids-have-imaginary-friends/594919/
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programmertote
I won't be surprised if 'imaginary friend' thing is probably tied to specific
culture/regions. I grew up in a SE Asian country and there, we never heard of
kids talking to imaginary friends. I myself grew up only imagining that I was
fighting with robots, cars, machines, etc. When my sister played, she pretends
she's selling some stuff like food to us (my brother and I). I also used to
imagine that I am superman or someone who can fly. That's about it. Never
imagined having an imaginary friend who I talk to regularly, and never heard
of my friends or any family members saying it's normal to imagine like that.

As I am now in my 30s, I think of ways to design different room and land
layouts for my imaginary apartments, houses, island, etc. That really helps me
fall asleep quick (as a side benefit).

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whatshisface
I don't know anybody that had an imaginary friend either. It would be really
funny if having an imaginary friend and being a creative type that makes TV
shows were highly correlated, so that everybody working on Foster's Home for
Imaginary Friends (a cartoon series) thought imaginary friends were completely
normal, while the people who don't grow up to be writers wonder why everyone
on TV has imaginary friends.

You know how business people on TV are always stressed out about the next big
presentation? In part that is due to the fact that writers work job-to-job,
and everything hangs on the next big pitch. In a way I wonder if American TV
culture is just different parts of the life of a TV writer expressed over and
over again in different settings, complete with idiosyncratic childhood
developmental tendencies that are exclusive to tomorrow's scriptwriters.

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rayiner
> American TV culture is just different parts of the life of a TV writer
> expressed over and over again

This is very true. That’s why so many TV shows are about inexplicably rich,
sex-obsessed young people.

~~~
InitialLastName
I don't know, I'd assume a big chunk of that is also related to the most
profitable demographic for fiction TV shows being working- and middle-class
men between 18-35. Give them some aspirational characters that reflect what
they want out of life and you'll hook them for years.

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throwaway66666
I had an imaginary friend. It was a dog. My parents wouldn't get me a puppy,
so I just imagined having one.

It was a lot of work because I imagined having to take it for walks (so I
would walk around the block), or try to train it. In the end my imaginary dog
bit someone (but it was self defense!) and I had to put it to sleep. No wonder
I 'm now a depressive adult.

~~~
napsterbr
After a depression episode, my brother convinced me to adopt a dog. I rescued
a cute little puppy from a shelter, and she became my whole world.

Without a doubt, adopting a dog was the best decision in my life. I highly
recommend you consider doing the same, no matter how many adjustments you may
have to make in your life to accommodate a new family member.

~~~
dkersten
I've been asked why I let my cat control my life as much as I do (eg, I've
passed up jobs that would have required me to move abroad just because I
didn't want to put my cat through the moving abroad process), but she's an
important part of my life and has helped me through difficult times.

~~~
napsterbr
Hah, same here. One of the reasons remote work is my only option.

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fouc
What about kids that fake having an imaginary friend because they heard about
imaginary friends?

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scott_s
Are there any such documented cases? I would think that level of cognitive
indirection is beyond most 3-7 year-olds.

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rikroots
From this article on the Psychology Today website:

Taylor and her colleagues found that 77 percent of these children said “yes”
when asked if they had a pretend friend, and 40 percent spontaneously remarked
at some point during the interview that they were talking about a pretend
friend. The children offered statements such as, “Her is a fake animal,” “I
just made him up in my head,” and “He’s not in real life.” Only one child was
adamant that her invisible friend was real.

[https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/growing-
friendships/...](https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/growing-
friendships/201301/imaginary-friends)

~~~
scott_s
I don't think that addresses what I was wondering about. That a child
acknowledges that their made-up friend is in fact made-up does not mean
they're _faking_ the made-up friend.

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rikroots
Sorry - I misunderstood. Are you talking about kids who will claim to have
made-up friends because of peer pressure? I've not heard of that sort of thing
before, but I suppose it's possible - some people/kids will tie themselves
into knots just to fit in with the other kids.

(Personal example: I deliberately lied about not understanding how to do long
division just so I wouldn't look too clever in front of my peers - I kept up
the pretence for several months.)

~~~
scott_s
Perhaps it's simplest to refer to the comment I replied to:
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20565292](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20565292)

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hakmad
I feel like it's not just imaginary friends that children invent, it's whole
universes with it's own rules, it's own characters, it's own attributes, that
kids will regularly come back to, and that are shaped by the real, physical,
hard world. Using our imagination, we can make whatever we want, and using
that children will want to create things that they might lack in life, even if
it is in the short term (boredom). There's a comment somewhere here about
someone who 'made' a dog because they're parents wouldn't get them one; eldest
children are more likely to have imaginary friends, perhaps because they're
lonely [0]. It's very interesting.

[0]: [https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/school-age/why-kids-
invent...](https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/school-age/why-kids-invent-
imaginary-friends/)

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kartan
> Imaginary friends are a common—and normal—manifestation for many kids

I never had any imaginary friends. Even when other kids had fantastic
expectations in the world, like asking a teacher to build a swimming pool, I
was very sceptical on how will get permission and a budget for that. For me,
toy cars were toys. I liked to make then run down a slope, but never tough
they were real.

> what is less understood is what prompts children to create these personas or
> why some kids invent them and others don’t

I struggle to understand other behaviours too. When all the children were
screaming in the theatre to the good guy "the bad guy is at your back!", I
could not understand why the other children were screaming at the actor. He is
an actor in the play, of course, he knows where the bad guy is and what is
going to happen next. I felt slightly second-hand embarrassment.

> One suggested that relationships with invisible beings fulfill a child’s
> need for friendship and are more common among firstborn or only children.

I saw all these "imaginary friends" in movies as an American thing. Like Big
Foot, I saw imaginary friends as a storytelling device, not as something real.
I was surprised when I read that is a real thing, not just part of movies.
But, when I grew up, most families were at least two children. So, maybe there
was not much space for imaginary friends.

> it can be hard to fathom a day when the imaginary characters who’ve been
> populating their lives for so long simply cease to exist.

And this is for me the final irony, I continue having fun when I go to work. I
will go with some weird clothing or I will draw characters from books with
interesting quotes in meeting rooms. For me, there is not that strong
separation between being a child and being an adult. I was responsible as a
child, taking care of myself and the people around me. And, I am playful and
have fun as an adult, and - inside the limits of what makes sense - I try to
engage my colleagues and I make new friends all the time that I have been
lucky enough to keep after moving jobs and countries.

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namanyayg
> When all the children were screaming in the theatre to the good guy "the bad
> guy is at your back!", I could not understand why the other children were
> screaming at the actor.

I used to do that too, but now I find it much more fun to let go and
completely engage in the plot, including feeling what protagonist feels,
verbal reactions, etc. This makes good drama much better, as the director is
anyway trying their best to make you feel like the actor on screen -- so why
not listen? :) Watching TV with friends becomes more enjoyable too!

~~~
TeMPOraL
I always thought this was the default way of watching TV shows, which is why I
was surprised as an adult by many people seeming detached from what they're
watching and unable to immerse themselves in the plot.

> _Watching TV with friends becomes more enjoyable too!_

My experience is the opposite. Unless those friends are also going all-in like
me, watching anything that has even a smudge of a plot becomes irritating very
quickly, as people around me keep breaking the immersion. For many of the TV
shows and movies I watch, I try to at least get the first watch alone, so that
I can enjoy the full experience.

~~~
namanyayg
You're right on with the latter, I guess this behavior is only with my close
friends (when we all go over-the-top all in) or with my SO (where our
reactions add to each other's fun?).

Given the immense hours most people consume TV, they would only be reducing my
own enjoyment if they detach.

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LinuxBender
Kids? I create teams of people to interact with in my head because I can't
stand most of the real people I know. I consider it a stage prior to REM, to
talk through challenges and add my own commentary. Sometimes it helps me take
a step back and look at this from different perspectives of the personalities
I assign each fictional person. If I am bored enough, I can have a fun,
rational, intellectual conversation with any real person as I imagine they
would interact. You should see some of the things I have made famous people
do, in my head.

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asark
> “For the most part, there’s no widespread consensus on what triggers it,”
> Kidd told me. “There is, however, widespread consensus on it being a
> normative part of development."

FTA.

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8bitsrule
It could be argued that, while you're staring at a piece of paper covered with
text printed with ink and categorized as 'fiction', you're enjoying that as a
landscape peopled with imaginary characters. Some of which you might be drawn
quite close to, say, Sherlock Holmes.

The same argument applies to orally-transmitted folklore (and notable story-
tellers, before printing came along). Certainly the exercise of imagination
enhances such widely-admired and long-remembered works.

The exercise of the powers of imagination is responsible for most of the great
ideas of humanity.

Indeed without it, "We would own no more, know no more, and be no more than
the first apelike hominids..." \-- R.A.W.

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kazinator
Kids invent imaginary friends probably because they are fed stories since they
are infants, and stories are full of imaginary characters and situations. We
guide kids toward escaping into fantasy, as pretty much a daily regime by
reading them stories, and letting them watch programs for kids. So inventing
characters and stories is just another case of "I can do that for myself now",
like buttoning a shirt. Stories stir the imagination of kids; kids know that
someone made that up and they try their hand at it. Maybe they identify with
some character in a story so they continue that, and so it goes.

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sebastianconcpt
I thought it was to run simulations of games where they can play their own
personality against a simulated metapersonality full of sub-personalities so
they can "unit-test" their own.

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chrisgd
If you are a parent, track how many times you say “no” or “don’t do that” or
something similar to your child. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone always said
“yes”? I think that is why imaginary friends come about the most.

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stebann
I think this point has a really deep meaning. Because of the child's mental
development, there are many atavic characteristics within conceptions about
the world.

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dragonsngoblins
When I was a very young child I very much wanted to have an imaginary friend,
because media made it seem so nice. It wasn't that I lacked imagination, but I
could never manage to conjure one that seemed fulfilling, possibly because I
was aiming to have one that felt real to me.

I could imagine lots of fantastical and wonderful friends I would have liked
to have, and even imagine what they might do or say, but that doesn't really
seem the same to me.

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irrational
>One suggested that relationships with invisible beings fulfill a child’s need
for friendship and are more common among firstborn or only children.

We have 7 kids and none of them has ever had an imaginary friend. I assume it
is because they have always had at least 1 other person around that they could
talk to and play with that there was no need to fill that void with someone
imaginary.

~~~
NikkiA
Thinking about it, my imaginary friend period was right around the year when
my mother would have been pregnant with my sister, so I imagine it was the
combination of living in a place with few friends, and not getting the
attention I'd come to expect from my parents.

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winchling
[https://www.schofieldandsims.co.uk/moredetails/508-c.pdf](https://www.schofieldandsims.co.uk/moredetails/508-c.pdf)

An imaginary friend took the blame, in her real friend's mind, for stealing
dried fruit.

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beagle3
Somewhat relevant: Julian Jaynes theory of the bicameral mind. The TL;DR of it
is that we have multiple selves that are cooperating and competing for
control, and that we mostly learn to suppress all but one as we age. Those
other "voices" are still there for kids (imaginary friends) and
schizophrenics, as well as "normal" people (apparently, 7% or so report
hearing voices) and are Jaynes explanation for all kind of oracles and "god
spoke to me" historical descriptions.

I don't know that it's really testable or really applicable to anything, but
it is very interesting. I recommend reading even if you know you'll disagree
(I'm not sure yet what my position is).

[0]
[https://www.julianjaynes.org/bicameralmind.php](https://www.julianjaynes.org/bicameralmind.php)

~~~
antisemiotic
>I don't know that it's really testable or really applicable to anything

I haven't yet read the book and I'm not sure if it applies, but I found these
papers interesting:

* "The case for mental duality" (DOI: [https://doi.org/10.1017/S0140525X00007755](https://doi.org/10.1017/S0140525X00007755))

* "The case against mental duality" (DOI: [https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02686749](https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02686749))

~~~
beagle3
From the abstract, these seem to refer to the physical duality (left
hemisphere vs right hemisphere) which Jaynes does postulate. Personally, I
look at his philosophy at a more abstract level - I think it's less important
to pinpoint the spatial location (and more prone to be wrong given his
1975-era knowledge, although he was IIUC more right than wrong with his
predictions that later became testable); rather, the idea that there's more
than one "self".

This was taken, in some ways ad absurdum, by Tony Wright in "Left in the Dark"
/ "Return to the brain of Eden" \- which is also an interesting read, though I
can't decide if it's science or science fiction.

~~~
antisemiotic
If you want more than the abstract, the friendly Russian site is now at .se ;)
Pinpointing the spatial location of separate "selves" makes the hypoteses more
testable (by examining split-brain patients or temporarily disabling one
hemisphere od healthy ones). Actually, the second paper concludes that while
the view that each human has two concurrent consciousnesses is most likely
wrong, the reality might be even weirder (multiple intermingling "selves").

~~~
beagle3
More testable, but potentially too detailed thus leading one astray. My
impression is that the intermingling selves are indeed more likely.

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magic_beans
Up until age 8 I had imaginary talking cats, imaginary dolphin friends, an
imaginary horse, imaginary ghosts (or maybe those were real, who knows)...

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meruru
Imaginary friends are pretty fun and it's a shame you can't have one as an
adult without looking completely crazy.

~~~
Jun8
For a great depiction of a grown-up with friend, that may or may not be
imaginary, see the movie _Harvey_
([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_(film)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_\(film\))),
James Stewart is great in it.

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HvyMetalMG
People stink, so imaginary people makes sense.

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a-dub
/incident "mic check mic check 1.. 2.. 1.. 2.."

