
From Pickup Artist to Pariah (2016) - Tomte
https://www.thecut.com/2016/01/jared-rutledge-pickup-artist-c-v-r.html
======
mbunch
I feel for the guy, to be honest. I've been in a good relationship for years
now, but I know that bitterness and resentment. If I'd made the mistake of
broadcasting my honest thoughts during that time and somebody linked them to
me, it would not be pretty.

~~~
glibgil
Bitterness and resentment when one out of dozens of dates leaves you on read?
This guy has problems that he brought to the "game". How can a person be
anything but gracious to and happy for people that they are dating?

And a reminder, the first rule of Fuck Club is you don't talk about Fuck Club.
He dragged his dates and that's antisocial. It creates problems in the
community

~~~
mbunch
So the ideal is to adopt an "abundance mentality", right? One where you're so
confident and successful that you really don't care if any individual reaction
doesn't go your way. It takes a loooong time to get there if you're starting
from a point of having dealt with rejection (whether explicit or imagined) for
years.

I don't know if everybody's experience is the same, but I was a virgin well
past the normal age and every attempt to get into the romantic game crashed
and burned for one reason or another. Sure, the first few times can be
explained away with truisms and platitudes, but after a while, the thought
that you're just broken, undesirable, unlovable starts nagging at you. Every
time that some girl dances with you then disappears without giving you her
number, when that OKCupid date doesn't get a followup, it's all reinforcing
that thought that there's just something wrong with you. Even when you do
start seeing success, that thought, that fragment of your self-image, it stays
with you. Shedding that part of your identity can be rough transition, and
that's if you're aware of it and trying to move past it. Otherwise it just
colors all of your future interactions.

~~~
glibgil
You seem like you understand the internal native of your feelings. The guy in
article does not.

The proper response is, "I feel terrible that she's not texting me back. But,
it's not, in fact, terrible. I can handle it. I'd rather she did text me back,
but there's no rule that says people have to be interested in me. I may very
well meet someone soon that is interested in me as much as I am in them. I had
better do something today to try and meet them instead of sulking."

The guy in the article is more like, "How dare she not text me. She's not even
good enough for me. She's old and not that hot."

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throwawayopsec
One lesson to draw from this story is how it is easy to fail to stay anonymous
despite what a normal person may think is a good amount of caution.

>Even as Jared tried to build a following in the manosphere, he hid Holistic
Game from his friends and customers, with the exception of Jacob. Then, last
August, someone — it’s still not clear who — created “Jared and Jacob Said,”
which meticulously built the case that the guys behind Holistic Game were
Jacob and Jared from Waking Life and then proceeded to lay out the men’s most
offensive social-media musings. (Most of the comments were Jared’s; Jacob
participated in the podcast but didn’t write any of the tweets or blog posts.)

------
projektfu
It's amazing the way people are unwilling to engage with honesty these days.
The story about Trey was very sad to me because it showed that even a
quintessential Asheville type couldn't get the people to put away the
pitchforks. It really doesn't bode well for the country that communities that
are "accepting", like Asheville, are unwilling to forgive. Compare to the
people calling for forgiveness (after due process and punishment) of Dylann
Roof, a hateful mass murderer.

~~~
sverige
It's all about tolerance and acceptance until it isn't. I understand why
people are mad at the guy, but the black-and-white worldviews are on both
sides of the polarized divide. Conflating his actions with rape is
disingenuous at best, at least from the information presented here, where all
the sex was consensual. The way this has progressed is symptomatic of a bigger
problem in our society right now. I have no answers, though, since it is
nearly impossible to have a discussion with either extreme, at least in my
view.

~~~
projektfu
In reality, I don't think there's a polarized divide. The guy's worldview was
kind of messed up, a simulacrum of the misogynistic community, which he
developed because of his own ok insecurities and the encouragement the
misogynists give when you parrot their creed. Most people don't agree with
that stuff. But most people don't call for the shunning of the guy. It's more
the outrage that surprised me, because Asheville is usually peaceful. But the
double standards are strong. You don't see them picketing Bikram yoga centers
in spite of the apparent rapey-ness of the founder, who gets franchise money
from each center.

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submersiveblue
Women wear makeup to simulate beauty and men act "alpha" to simulate success.
If we accept one we should be willing to accept the other. The undercurrent of
bitterness and negativity prevalent in the online pickup community is a
consequence of the fact that most of these men lived most of their lives with
little sexual success and harboring an idealistic view of women. When the
bubble breaks they're prone to going too far the other way.

~~~
nebabyte
some

> Women wear makeup to simulate beauty and

some

> men act "alpha" to simulate success. [...] we should be willing to accept

that different people do different things.

~~~
submersiveblue
What's your point?

Most women wear makeup and if men knew acting a certain way would increase
their chances with women, most would probably do it. Do we really need to add
caveats for every special case in every situation?

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5_minutes
From what I remember from this "Game" stuff is that it was rather for self
development in the first place. And yes, then it's a power tool that comes
with great responsability.

Rating girls and writing those stories online has very little to do with the
spirit of the original book, which was about having a good time in a
respectful manner, really. In other words: this guy got what he deserved.

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vorotato
I mean don't those words mean the same thing?

~~~
rdiddly
Ha - I was gonna say "...Is Not That Long of a Trip"

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joyeuse6701
It's as if the angry mob, the paragon of innocence, never talked behind
someone's back... /sarcasm

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horusthecat
This is the most hilarious thing posted to HN in a while

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jimjimjim
don't be an asshole.

don't cargo cult confidence.

there. done.

