

Ask HN: I've been asked to give a speech: I am terrified. - ocbnet

In one month I should give a speech in public -- my first speech in public -- for a big event.<p>The problem is: I am psychologically unstable, last year I suffered from a major depression which degenerated into agoraphobia. For a long time (~5 months) I was unable to leave my house.
Now I feel better (I didn&#x27;t see any psychatrist), and I thought I was ready for &quot;regular-life&quot; activities, but receiving this invitation had led me down again.<p>I&#x27;ve always been a shy, introvert person, and -- given my recent past -- I don&#x27;t think I&#x27;m ready to talk to hundreds of people, even if I have good experience on the speech&#x27;s subject.<p>Any advice? Should I go? 
Thank you.
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andrew_gardener
If you feel you cannot do it then don't do it. There is no reason to torture
yourself psychologically and physically if its not something you want to do.

I see a lot people writing comments about how to improve your speaking skills
(which could be something good to do but...) while ignoring the fact you're
basically worried about breaking down again from the pressure.

Please take care of your basic needs and mental stability before worrying
about satisfying others. If you feel you can do it, give it a shot. If not,
save yourself (and the organizers) grief and bow out now.

Please be well and take care of yourself.

~~~
digitalengineer
>before worrying about satisfying others Exactly. Sounds like you got sucked
in to something. Ask yourself if this is something _you_ want to do or
something _someone told you_ you should do.

Edit: In case you want to learn more about 'traps' one can fall into, I
suggest this book: [http://www.amazon.com/How-Found-Freedom-Unfree-
World/dp/0965...](http://www.amazon.com/How-Found-Freedom-Unfree-
World/dp/0965603679)

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Discere
If there is a local Toastmaster's club I would recommend going:
[http://www.toastmasters.org/](http://www.toastmasters.org/) there are other
clubs but they provide a very supportive environment for starting to speak in
public.

I've been lucky enough to speak at a few conferences, and if you're confident
on your subject, which I am sure you are, you should just think of it as you
passing on your experience. Don't think of it as a judgement of you or your
past, people there want you to do well, you're up there for a reason which is
because you're the one who can give them the information they're there to
hear.

I say go for it, if you can go to a speaking club near by to get constructive
criticism and help your confidence

Good luck!

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jamesk_au
The problem, in your own words, is your present psychological state.

Irrespective of whether you give the speech, you should see a psychologist or
a psychiatrist as soon as possible. There is no substitute for having an
experienced, rational, objective and trusted person working with you to
resolve your concerns.

The thought of confiding in an expert like that may be a source of discomfort
for you. It is reasonable and natural for you to want to try to resolve your
concerns on your own. But you say that you were unable to leave your house for
a period of some five months. On any rational view, the time for self-help
remedies is long past. You need to have this resolved if you are to get on
with your life. Don't question it: just do it.

If you do it soon, you may find that you are in the same position that many
other first-time public speakers have found themselves in, with the result
that there are plenty of well-worn strategies available to you to tackle the
speech you've been asked to give.

But you need to divide and conquer: solve the other problem first.

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specialdragon
I've found it's always easier to argue your way round to /not/ doing
something, rather than the reverse, and in doing so opportunities are lost.

I think you should stand and give the talk. My reasoning is as follows:

If you don't do it, those that could listen to you and learn from you, won't
be able to. If hundreds of people are going to be there, a few are going to
come away having learnt something they didn't expect to. You wouldn't have
been asked if the person asking you didn't feel you had the knowledge to
impart. Being shy and introvert is absolutely fine, although this talk sounds
like a one off, and then you've done it, tick that box. You either love it,
and really find your stride, or hate it, and have a more legitimate reason for
Never Doing One Again.

That's my opinion, however, you also asked for advice.

One of the games I was forced to play in school involved the teacher bringing
in something horrifically ordinary and covering it with a towel. Us kids would
file in, sit down and the teacher would pick one of us, who would then stand
up, and look under the towel. They had 5 minutes to create a 15 minute talk on
the item. This exercise, which is quite quick, will teach not only how to
create a presentation, but will put you in the horrible situation of, "Where
do I start?", "I don't know anything about that", "I do know something about
_that_ , but there's masses, where do I start?". It'll also teach you to link
one section to the next. You've got 5 months - do it as a party game, write a
blog. You don't need to give the talk, you just need to write it as though you
were.

A pertinent questions here is naturally - How long does your talk need to be?

It'll be interesting to see what the rest of HN suggest, and maybe tell us
where it is so people can go and support in person?

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robin2
If you are going to bow out, it would be much better to do it sooner rather
than later - so as not to leave the organisers in the lurch. Giving a public
speech would be a big deal even if you were fine with other "regular-life"
activities - so I don't think you should beat yourself up over it.

If you think you can do it, then I'd strongly recommend getting the talk
together well in advance, and practice it a number of times - the more often,
the better.

I'd second the comment about Toastmasters, although that might be more useful
for preparing for similar events in the future, rather than for the immediate
one.

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atom-morgan
I used to be in the same boat as you although not nearly as bad. I hated
public speaking and I was extremely shy.

But in my freshman year of college, I had to write a one page double spaced
paper about anything every week. On Friday, we’d all read it to the class out
loud. Looking back on my college experience, it was probably the single most
valuable course I took just because it made me practice speaking in front of
other people. As you’d expect, practice makes perfect (or improvement) and
it’s now one of my greatest strengths according to those around me and it's a
great skill to have!

I wrote a letter about this class and teacher if you’re interested:
[https://medium.com/dear-blank/dc36bb5d403a](https://medium.com/dear-
blank/dc36bb5d403a)

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cprncus
> I've always been a shy, introvert person

One of my favorite memories from college was when a very shy woman had to
recite a piece from Shakespeare and chose King Henry's rousing speech to his
troops. She belted it out and by the end we were all about ready to go fight
the French army! So, just because you're shy in normal life doesn't mean you
might not really find strengths you didn't know you have in front of an
audience. Stranger things have happened.

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elviejo
When you talk about what you. know... the content is easy. when you talk about
what you love... then passion is easy and the audience likes it. Finally
practice practice practice.... with friends.. with a smaller audience (maybe a
classroom), with a webcam... just practice.

Your audience then will love your speach and you will be glad that you didit.

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ibstudios
[http://www.ethos3.com/2012/03/presentation-lessons-from-
wins...](http://www.ethos3.com/2012/03/presentation-lessons-from-winston-
churchill/)

Practice!

Create a persona in your mind and be that person on stage. You don't have to
be "you".

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elaineo
How to Be the Best Public Speaker on the Planet:
[http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2013/10/how-to-be-the-best-
publ...](http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2013/10/how-to-be-the-best-public-
speaker-on-the-planet/)

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steveinator
Always start the speech off with a quick joke. Hearing everyone chuckle kindly
always eases the nerves. Something easy like "They said that winning this
award would take hard work, but no one told me I'd have to give a speech
too!".

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cafard
By the way, Mark Jason Dominus (the guy who wrote High-Order Perl) has a
presentation on giving presentations. I've only seen the slides, not the
YouTube, but there are some handy tips.

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cafard
Practice in front of friends, repeatedly.

