

Ask HN: Should I advise my coworkers against working with my family member? - MattyRad

I&#x27;ve landed my dream job as a software engineer. I&#x27;ve worked at the company for 6 months. Everything is going great. We&#x27;re a very small company, only about 15 people.<p>I am currently living in my parent&#x27;s extra house with my sister, but moving out soon because we don&#x27;t get along. I&#x27;d rather pay rent elsewhere than continue living there for free.<p>My company is hiring a marketing coordinator, my sister applies. (Company is aware that she is my sister, and a few know that we don&#x27;t get along.) She is technically qualified for the job, and may well be appropriate for the position. I assumed that if my coworkers had any intent of contacting her, they would notify me first. Without notifying me, the hiring manager schedules a call&#x2F;interview with my sister.<p>This puts me in a very awkward position. I dread the idea of working with her, it stresses me out just thinking about it. I envision my joy in my work dissolving away if I have to sit 15 feet away from her every day, listen to her at lunch, be forced to interact with her in a professional setting, etc.<p>Does anybody have any advice on how to respond? Should I notify the hiring manager about my concerns? Should I directly advise against hiring her? Is it unethical or unfair to &quot;sabotage&quot; her chances by notifying them of how it would affect me (reverse-nepotism)?
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cjbprime
If your job duties are expected to have any overlap at all, I think it's
reasonable and uncontroversial to veto the hiring of someone you know you
aren't going to be able to work with productively. So that's a starting point.

But if there's no expected overlap in duties and you just don't like the idea
of her being in the same office, it seems to me that that's not really a
professional issue anymore. It's a personal problem. (There's nothing wrong
with having personal problems, everyone's got some.)

It is a little unethical to negatively impact someone's career due to a
personal problem you have with them, I'd say. But if changing your feelings
isn't an option, it's hard to see that you have a choice other than telling
your employer about your problem and suggesting a no-hire.

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floppydisk
I'm going to push back on this otherwise excellent answer a little bit and
raise the issue of company culture. While personal issues shouldn't--in the
ideal sense--impact the workplace, knowingly bringing them into the fold could
negatively impact the company as a whole. Be it frosty relations between two
employees causing others to take sides and create division where none existed
previously or direct confrontations that interrupt all other parties.

All hires bear risk that they won't fit it in or they'll have a hard time
adapting to company culture. Knowingly bringing in someone with strong
personal issues with another employee should require a higher level of
scrutiny to ensure the issues won't result in a toxic workplace or destroy
internal culture.

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drivingmenuts
I would let the hiring manager know that there are issues between you and your
sister. You probably don't need to elaborate beyond "family problems" She
doesn't have the job yet, but that at least lets him or her know that there
are things to watch out for.

If they do hire her, just be professional. If your sister cracks and starts
being unprofessional, then it's not your fault.

The best revenge is living well.

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brudgers
Tell the hiring manager that you are uncomfortable with the idea of working in
the same workplace as other family members.

No more explanation should be offered or provided.

Be aware that your expectation that your coworkers would talk to you before
contacting your sister was rather unrealistic.

Also be aware that that this is essentially "she goes or I go." Take the steps
necessary for the latter situation. It's a business and who to hire is a
business decision.

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Someone1234
Nobody else can help you with this.

What do you value more, your happiness or your sister's happiness? That's what
it really boils down to. Nobody can answer that for you, and nobody else
should.

If she is actually professional and good at what she does I'd be more inclined
to let it go and see if they hire her. If she starts acting unprofessionally
after she starts then I'd raise that like you would any other employee.

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jordsmi
I wouldn't just tell them to not hire her, but I would voice your concerns. If
they think that she is the best fit for the job still, then suck it up and
deal with it.

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alain94040
If she behaves in a professional way and you do too, how can anything bad
happen? Or would you have issues working with other marketing coordinators as
well?

You don't have to like someone personally to work with them. As long as you
both do your job correctly, there should be no issue. If either of your
becomes unprofessional, they should be fired.

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rajacombinator
Just tell them straight up if they hire her you're out.

