
To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life - geoffroy
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jamie-varon/to-anyone-who-thinks-theyre-falling-behind_b_9190758.html
======
neilgrey
I wonder how many people will read this article, have a lightbulb go off in
their head, feel warm and fuzzy about it all, then wake up tomorrow and do
absolutely nothing about it. Probably most.

This article is unfortunately what it epitimizes the most -- a self-help
conundrum. Advice given from the perspective of a workaholic. But alas, what
tools does it actually provide to take action? Walk away from everything?
Should I take up meditation or yoga? Relax by putting and put my mind at ease
by playing a videogame or laying on the beach?

What most people won't see is the key line of advice burried in the middle,
which I believe the rest of the article counters is: "We have to put in our
best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to
happen". Putting in our best efforts is what opens doors to adventures and
opportunities. Putting in our best efforts is what drives us forward to find
passion in what we do.

Sure, we all need to realize that we're not robots with unlimited capacity,
but the next step is to stop reading self-articles and start doing things that
actually matter, instead of filling our time with arbitrary tasks.

Want to not "fall behind in life"? Don't be a lemming by following other
people around trying to find meaning and value in your life. Make meaning and
value in your life by being creative, self-reflective, and getting outside
your horse-blinders by actively trying to experience life in other people's
shoes.

Falling behind in life is a synonym for running the hampster wheel. Get off
the damn wheel and do something that scares you even just a little bit today.
Then do it again tomorrow.

~~~
the4dpatrick
> "We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to
> let whatever happens to happen"

A friend once shared how surfing illustrates how having a process driven
approach vs. a result driven approach is beneficial.

In surfing you start off knowing the basics of how to get on the water,
standing up on the board, and riding the wave. You may know the basics, but
until you actually go out in the water, you're not going to know about what
will happen. The waves may not be the right size to your liking. You could be
having an off day and keep falling. Or you may be having a great day on the
water. All of this are factors to you actually enjoying surfing.

Instead of focusing on trying to catch a good wave or catching many waves, you
can focus on the process that is surfing. This way you can make incremental
improvements to how you surf. You'll then see each wave as a new opportunity
to gather more experience/data for the next time you try. And you can replace
"surfing" with entrepreneurship, science, and many other areas.

With this mindset, you'll be able to let whatever happens to happen. Life is
too short to always be chasing after the end goal. From my experience, after
you attain the goal, you'll always have another goal in mind. You will never
be truly satisfied.

~~~
nether
This is similar to rock climbing and skiing. The commonality that I see is
that they all require taking what comes at you, a random natural environment,
and handling it as well as you can. They require an outward focus and quick
adaptability to varying conditions, which is not so much the case for other
sports like road cycling, running, and anything on an artificial surface.

~~~
ambicapter
Too bad I'd much rather be skiing than doing any of the very real work I need
to be doing.

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erikpukinskis
Legally, "permission to be where you are" is a right reserved for the capital
class. Even in my home my right to stay only lasts for 60 days and then I am
subject to whatever forms of violence are necessary to remove me so that a
pre-designated member of the capital class can be where I am.

From here it's miles to a place where I have the right to urinate, and tens of
miles to a place where I have a right to sleep, and to my knowledge there is
nowhere in my country where I have a right to do subsistence farming, or
steward any kind of ancestral resource.

~~~
jondubois
Agreed. We are manipulated by the system. Corporations force us to move to
bigger cities where rent is more expensive, living space is smaller and
quality of life is lower.

Humans are farmed like poultry - City humans are caged chickens, suburban
humans are the "free range" variety.

Corporations want to see more humans per square feet because that's more
profitable for them. The energy savings we contribute to by living in big
cities ultimately end up in the hands of corporate executives and shareholders
as cash.

~~~
bmelton
It strikes me as curious as to how you've taken his complaints, which seem
largely based on government-imposed restrictions, and subverted the point to
be anti-capitalist.

That said, how do corporations force you to live in cities? How do
corporations then profit from you living in a city? How does either city or
suburban living map to whether you are a member of the capital class or not.

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rooundio
Excellent. In German there is a word for this trust in yourself and that
things are happening when they are happening: "Gottvertrauen" (literally:
"trust in god", although often used in a non-religious context)

~~~
kirk21
Germans have a word for everything. :)

~~~
mapleoin
Yeah, more like Awordforeverything

~~~
RikNieu
You mean avordfuereveryzhing

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alexashka
This can be summarized with the serenity prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

The author is a curious case of 'got the right idea, haven't internalized it
fully'.

She seems to be coming from a place of trying to convince herself that she
doesn't need to try so hard, etc.

Maybe it's frustration with the world she finds herself in, where everyone has
a 'bunsen burner up their ass' as a buddy of mine put it :)

Good article overall though, I'm glad to see this on HN :)

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anotheryou
And another thing: most of us will be medicore, and it's probably better to be
ok with it :)

maybe being happy, not successful is all it takes

~~~
rubicon33
This is a good point, but a very tough one for most people on this forum to
swallow.

I think it's good to give everything your best effort, to strive for
greatness, and constantly check yourself to make sure you're giving it your
all.

But then, if you don't succeed, find peace in life's way. Be okay with
yourself, your progress, and your place in life. When you step back and
realize how truly random everything is, then just knowing that you played your
cards to the best of your ability, should bring happiness and a sense of
peace.

~~~
solipsism
_There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is
being superior to your former self._

Hemingway

~~~
stuxnet79
I guess the realization, after his hey days, that his current self was
markedly inferior to his former self, precipitated his suicide.

------
joslin01
An article from an LA-based author telling you to "just chill"? You don't
say...

It's best to be honest with yourself and come to terms with where you are in
life and where you want to be. After that, unless you put action into your
belief, you will be sad. Even if you fail, but put action into the belief,
you'll be happy and have grown.

This article has utility for over-achievers who need to learn patience, but
anyone else (especially anyone who struggles with motivation) should ignore
it. It aims to make you feel good "you're doing the best you can" and has
cute, but vapid lines like "let timing do what it needs to do" or "it's just
not the fucking time if it's not the time."

If you need help with motivation, you probably don't need to be told you're
already doing a great job and should just succumb to some external force of
"timing". This is probably the thought that's actually holding you back. If
you feel like you work hard and are never satisfied, it's true that you should
just chill. The strongest people in my opinion are the ones who are able to
keep a calm & humble mind while steadfastly pursuing their goals.

~~~
kirsebaer
> Even if you fail, but put action into the belief, you'll be happy and have
> grown.

Can we please admit that it is terrifying to be an economic failure?

If you try and fail, have police at your door because you can't pay rent,
spouse leaves you, children are ashamed of you. You are going to feel intense
anguish and shame.

------
dfraser992
This article doesn't cover the cost of making horrible mistakes. A series of
them actually... over a couple of decades.

This article was more for the rats stuck in the "affluenza" maze, not the
chronically depressed or others struggling with more fundamental issues than
'keeping up with the Joneses'

Yeah, I learned a whole lot about my blind spots (in being taken advantage of,
ignoring issues, actively avoiding them...) and processed some really deep
seated issues, but the cost right now still seems a bit too high. It is a bit
disheartening. In another decade or 2, it certainly won't matter, but in terms
of "falling behind", I am at the extreme of the bell curve, I'm afraid. But
maybe that was my overall path, extreme self-knowledge... At least I am an
exceptional special snowflake!

"The Wisdom of Insecurity" by Alan Watts is recommended reading if this
article affected you in some way.

~~~
RikNieu
I can certainly relate. Good luck to us both then.

------
tblumer3
Wow, this article sounds like the perfect invite to not work too hard in life
and just cruise by. Thanks! Thats just what more American's need, a reason not
to work!

And yes, I read the comments here about working hard, then letting the chips
fall where they may. But that was not the message of the article. It was just
one line smashed between a bunch of crap about accepting where you are in
life. WTF is this junk?

If your life sucks, make it better. No one will do it for you. Period.

~~~
marxidad
People who don't want to work don't really need a reason not to work.

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pjdorrell
My own attempt to understand the complex relationship between will-power and
"happiness" is laid out in this article which I wrote a while ago (2007):
[http://thinkinghard.com/consciousness/advice.html](http://thinkinghard.com/consciousness/advice.html).

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jimmywanger
This is a horrible article.

It seems to be emphasizing an external locus of control. Which is unuseful.
Sometimes things won't turn out the way you want. But you still have to put
the effort and time in.

The way she's writing she seems to dismiss effort and time as useless.

~~~
nnq
That was a horrible comment :)

The author is clearly saying " _We have to put in our best efforts_ and then
give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen". And then that
_after we 've put in our best effort_, we must accept that some things are out
of our control and impossible to accurately predict: things like _timing!_

She doesn't dismiss effort or time: she just says that you can't rely on them
to produce predictable results at specific times. You will work hard, and you
will succeed most of the times you work hard at something. But probably not
when you predicted you will succeed. And maybe not always at the thing that
you initially wanted to succeed at. And accepting lack of control doesn't mean
loosing motivation. Even her points about motivation I read them as saying
something along the lines of: "don't try to pump up yourself with artificial
willpower and motivation, just persist at working in your natural rhythm, and
things will work out fine, even if you can't control _when_ they will work out
fine".

It's very biased towards the "accept the lack of control" part, indeed. But
_the bias is necessary_ to counterbalance the pov of people like you that keep
throwing up the "work harder, work more" (or "just put more time, more
effort") mantra to everyone they meet! This kind of advice is useful for some
people. But _horrible_ for others! Some need more to find a "a natural rhythm"
and "let things happen", and unfortunately you rarely see this advice. Others
may indeed call what I would say it's "my natural rhythm", something like
"extremely hard work and perseverence", and maybe these kinds of people need
_your kind of advice._

...and there are also those that are simply "born to be lazy", and throwing
the "work harder, work more" thing at them will only viciously turn them
against whoever yelled that at them, transforming them from harmless slackers
into people that will instead steal or kill or be corrupt and spread
corruption, or otherwise sabotage the system just for the "fun" (read "revenge
for being bothered") of making others suffer simply because some self-
righteuous know-it-alls couldn't simply "let them be".

~~~
jimmywanger
The article doesn't even mention personal responsibility until roughly halfway
through it.

And you comment about "born to be lazy" holds no water. If you want to be
lazy, you have to accept that you won't have opportunities non-lazy people
will have.

If you're "born to be lazy", that's fine unless you want to be somewhere that
non-lazy people are. If you're sitting on your butt cause the inspiration for
your novel hasn't come along because it isn't time yet, you're not working
hard enough.

~~~
nnq
> If you're sitting on your butt cause the inspiration for your novel hasn't
> come along because it isn't time yet

I'm not a writer, but I assume that a writer can simply go on with his life,
doing other useful things, and postpone writing that novel until true/natural
inspiration comes to him/her. I've read enough crappy writings imbibed with
the stench of "synthetic/forced-through-work inspiration" that the only advice
I could give to writers is: wait until you have something to truly write
about, and wait until you actually get the right perspective of things, and
the "inspiration", and _only then_ go and work hard to inflict your literary
masterpiece upon the world.

The world is full of "forced art", "forced architecture" and "forced
industrial design" made through "working hard enough" instead of actually
exploring around until you bump into a "good perspective".

And about:

> If you want to be lazy, you have to accept that you won't have opportunities
> non-lazy people will have

In the real world things don't work like this at all. Maybe all I want is to
sit around in my hut in the rainforest... maybe I'm even content and at peace
with the fact the only one of my two children is statistically likely to reach
adulthood because malaria or whatever... and being ok with this I just do the
bare minimum hunting and enjoy living in nature... until some "hard workers"
show up with chainsaws or mining equipment. I'm not a lazy person, but I
sympathize with the people that just want to "live their life in their own
natural rhythm", but end up being forced out of it by some who worked hard
enough to buy the property of the land underneath them, or worked hard enough
to make the money to fully "buy off" the government of their peaceful tropical
country and then start exploiting it.

As an engineer I _love_ hard work. But when it comes to art or politics I
think we need _less_ of it. Less bad art and literature. Less dehumanizing
enterprises.

~~~
jimmywanger
I think you're inferring something different from what I'm saying.

If you're a writer and you're not inspired to write, you're not going to write
your magnum opus. However, you still have to write something or another -
spend 3 hours writing uninspired writing just to practice your skills. If
you're a musician and you're not inspired to compose, you'll still have to
practice your scales and do little throwaway compositions to get better at it.
Thinking that inspiration can flourish when you don't have practice with
structure, realistic dialog is unrealistic. In fact, the more you force
yourself to write the more easily you can recognize when real inspiration
comes along, and the more you won't waste it.

As for your second example, we're seeing it all over the place in San Francico
right now. A lot of people didn't optimize their financial situation, working
as artists or painters and social workers, and now are being forced out by
people who did optimize their financial situation, the programmers. Is that
right? That is personal opinion, but the fact of the matter is had you been
prepared with more money from savings or a more lucrative job or a cheap home
somewhere else that you bought, you have options that you currently don't
have.

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vhost-
This article keeps opening the iOS App Store. It's frustrating and I don't
know how to stop it.

~~~
jackvalentine
Try installing an adblocking content blocker.

------
r-w
_Transcendentalism!_

