
Ask HN: How to cope with job hunting and depression? - throwaway128932
I&#x27;ve got 9 years of experience in tech, mostly as an engineer in high profile startups and some big companies.<p>I&#x27;m increasingly finding it harder to get any interest from employers, it seems like they all have better, younger, candidates.<p>Every new rejection brings me deeper into depression, to the point where I&#x27;m about to be homeless and I don&#x27;t see a way out anymore without ending my life.<p>And at the same time, I realise my attitude to interviews has become worse: I&#x27;m more nervous, less excited, less happy... because I know it&#x27;s not likely to lead anywhere.<p>Is there any hope? I can&#x27;t afford any kind of therapy or get help anymore. My parents are dead, my friends don&#x27;t understand or just tell me to keep trying.
======
wasi0013
Utilize your skills that you have gained through your experiences. You don't
have to be a full time employee! For example, you can even do freelance works
on different platforms. You might not get hand full of money at the beginning
but, something is better than nothing right? Another option will be to build a
network while working and start consultancy services. Just find the people
that needs your help. And, start helping others.

I'm not as experienced as yours (I'm 25 years of old). But, I had suffered
from depression as I faced betrayals in my first job at a startup. Then,
started from scratch and started focusing on freelance works. I was lucky
enough to find some great clients from the globe. One of them even gifted a
laptop to me that I'm using to write this comment. Eventually, with the help
of my clients me and my wife even started our own startup (still self funded)!
Its been almost 1.5 years and counting...

Please, don't quit. You will never know what is waiting for you! Sometimes you
won't find a door of opportunity so, all you have to do is build the doors so
that opportunities can come to you! I wish you all the very best.

Feel free to get in touch[1], If I can help you in any way. :)

[1] [https://wasi0013.com/contact/](https://wasi0013.com/contact/)

------
PopeDotNinja
I'm 44 with fewer years of experience as a developer than yourself. I've been
through the job hunting meat grinder a couple times in the last year myself.
I've been homeless in the past, too. Here's what I have to say:

\- therapy is for people who can afford it; don't get hung up on the fact that
you can't afford it, and do what you gotta do to keep going

\- leave your personal drama out of the interview, no matter what, because
ain't nobody going to want to hire a depressed mopey anybody

\- if you suck at interviews, practice interviewing; in my most recent job
search, I got a few friends to do mock interviews with me, including
explaining why they were asking what they asked

\- feel free to reach out to me via email; I was a tech recruiter for several
years, and now I'm a senior dev at a company that doesn't suck

~~~
mcv
> if you suck at interviews, practice interviewing

You know what's also a great way to practice interviewing? Interviewing for
jobs you don't want. Just for practice. Because you already don't want the
job, the stakes are low for you, so you can relax and just do the interview.

~~~
PopeDotNinja
I agree with you, although it's an expensive way to learn, too. I've gone on
job interviews for positions I didn't want before the interview that ended up
being quite attractive. The more meaningful prep one can do outside of
interviews the better, but to your point, there is no replacement for the real
thing.

One other thing worth mentioning is... go where the jobs are. It is easier to
practice when there are more interview opportunities available.

------
htanirs
I can relate to what you are going through. Depression sucks. And not
everybody can understand what it feels like.

I was in a situation where depression messed up my career and I had to open
up. But what helped me was opening up to people who are not very close. There
was no fear of judgement and they were also going out of the way to help out.
There were so many who reached out to offer help. While it did not improve my
personal situation, it did provide me the hope when I needed it badly. And
over time, the situation gets better.

Also when I started looking at my depression as an illness rather than a
reflection on myself, it made things slightly better.

Would suggest you to hang in there. Please talk to folks who have reached out
in this forum and outside, support groups.

Maybe reaching out to old employers, ex-colleagues, taking up part time or
related work might open some doors till you can get things right.

Please know that situations do get better, you have held up so far and give it
some more time. When in doubt, think of the days prior to the illness, it will
help you to bounce back.

------
slap_shot
As bad at it seems right now, please believe me that situation isn't worth
ending your life over.

My email is my profile and I'm happy to talk to at any time, about anything.

I'm a founder and have a pretty extensive network of other founders that are
eager to hire good table. I am happy to see if I can refer you to some good
companies, or otherwise help you out.

Stay strong. Things will get better.

~~~
amrx431
Thanks slap_shot for reaching out to someone. Depression is no joke and the
suicide that follows it. I too am depressed since past 10 years and everyday
is a struggle. I too get super nervous during interviews. Pain in stomach,
laboured breathing, excessive sweating and whatnot. Rejections hit me hard as
they make me question the entire premise of my professional life. The only
reason I have not killed myself is that I education loan to clear(blessing in
disguise ?). It makes me happy when people unknown to each other help each
other out.

------
PopeDotNinja
Hey @throwaway128932, I re-read your post, and I wanted reply again with a
softer tone. The short answer is yes, there is hope.

One of the things that really helped me when I was homeless was accepting the
fact the no one really understood what I was going through. The reason that
helped is because I was putting a crap ton of energy into looking for
solutions outside of myself instead of doing what I could to help myself. I
was very much like a drowning person yelling for a life preserver while
forgetting to to what I could to stay afloat. Nobody gonna tread water for me.
I didn't like coming to understand that, but it did help.

If you happen to be in the SF area, and you really do end up needing a place
to stay, look me up. I have an air mattress you can crash on for a couple
weeks.

------
pr07ecH70r
NEVER GIVE UP! I will not go into how precious life is, although it really is!

I am in your situation as well for almost over an year now. Been through 2
severe panic attacks and 2 times at the ER. Nothing helps more than hope and
doing something (Don`t drinkg though!)

There was a time I was applying for jobs as a Job... 9 to 5. Drinking heavily
beer and coffee. My wife left and I fucked up so much more than the stupid
concept of a "job". I didn`t give up... I set down and drew a line... than set
priorities and Goals. I started looking less into Job openings, started
working out (not in the gym, nature is the cheapest gym - running, hiking
etc.) Than when in a month or two when my mind and organism cleared from the
"fog" innovative ideas started to come. In another half an year (a bit
financial help here from parents and friends) and after some reading, I
started my own Business.

In another 1 year, found the most amazing woman...

What I am trying to say is that EVEN when you can`t see any light, it doesn`t
mean there is none! You are in a "storm" right now, and as every storm it will
pass! Sometimes the only but vital effort one Needs to do is to Keep it all
togehter! Don`t give up, and try to twist your mind into a positive loop by
Setting small Goals and making small steps. You will get there!

------
mcv
Rejection sucks for anyone, but I can see how it's worse when you suffer from
depression. It's a kind of negative feedback that you really don't need.

The first important thing to realise is that depression is a disease; it's not
you, it's a disease messing with your brain chemistry. It's a disease that
makes good things feel pointless while making bad things, like rejection from
a job interview, feel even worse than usual.

I can't cure your depression for you (but do talk to a shrink or at least a
support group), but I do know how to make job interviews less stressful: have
job interviews when you don't really need a new job.

That's not very useful for you now, when you really do need a new job, but
bear with me: maybe you can find a different job, less ambitious, lower pay,
not quite the kind of work you want, but something that will help pay the
bills. A job at a place you like, where you like the people, preferably. A job
that makes you feel happy and appreciated is more important than a job that
pays well.

Then, when you have that job, look for a better job from the comfort of that
job. That's hard, because you already have a job and don't really need another
one right now, so why would you go to those horrible job interviews anyway?
Because the stakes are lower. When you already have a job, there's no penalty
for fucking up a job interview, and at the same time, you'll be more relaxed
and less stressed, and because you need it less, you'll actually do better in
the interview. And even if they want to hire you, you can reject them. Hold
out until you find a job you want. But first, just get any job. Take a step
back in your career, a big step if need be, flip burgers if that's what it
takes, just to get in a position from which you can take a step forward again.

It's deeply unfair that finding a job is easier when you already have one, and
harder when you don't have one. The human mind is weird that way, but you
already have some hands-on experience on how weird the human mind can be. Use
that experience to your advantage.

------
mboekhoff
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.

I can't say I've ever been in your shoes, but I've had experiences with
depression, particularly in those around me. Suicide, or any form of self-harm
for that matter, is never the answer. There is a way out of this without
hurting yourself.

There is always a demand for experienced software engineers such as yourself.
If you live in the UK, I'd be more than happy to set you up with some people I
know.

That being said, if you would like a chat about anything, anything whatsoever,
I'd be happy to. I put my email on my profile so you can hit me up there.

------
mgkimsal
> I'm increasingly finding it harder to get any interest from employers, it
> seems like they all have better, younger, candidates

Ageism might be part of it, and there's not much you can do about it with
those companies (assuming that's a factor). As someone north of 40, yeah, some
aspects of this aren't all that fun, because it does seem like there's always
someone younger and 'better'. My cynicism has grown greatly, though, and I
realize that I'm generally going to have jobs cleaning up after most of these
"younger better" folks once they move on to the next shiny thing. I'm not
saying I want to be code cleaning forever, but, looking at the market, there
will likely always be demand for that, and you can't be all that good at it
without experience, which you've got (and will get more of).

re: friends - well, if you want a job, you do have to keep trying, but you may
do better changing how you're working.

do not end your life. sounds a bit harsh when I say it like that, but... give
it more time, and come up with some plans - multiple plans - to try to get
past this. therapy and medication may be in your future, but it sounds like
anything paid may be out of reach at this precise moment(?)

I've been in your shoes - many of us have. Mental health issues in the tech
community are only just starting to be recognized and addressed. If you'd like
to talk (phone/email/whatever), please contact me at
[https://kims.al](https://kims.al). I can ... just listen if you want, or give
some feedback, or perhaps help on some practical things (resume review, etc).
Your call.

------
chad_strategic
Lots of good advice here. I have been down this road as well...

It totally sucks.

I'm not saying that exercise is the only solution, but it should be
considered. I love weightlifting, riding in my bicycle on the trails in
Colorado while listening to books, swimming and sometimes jogging. There was
recent study I heard on NPR, that team sports (soccer & basketball) can ward
off depression, because they are exercise combined with social interaction.
Sometimes it can be a good networking place as well.

I know when I playing basketball, my mind is focused on one thing and one
thing only. Chasing that basketball and putting it in the hoop, it's nice to
think about only one thing.

------
strikelaserclaw
Where are you at right now? Depending on your location, they might not value
"young" talent as much (which seems to only be a SV thing). I've worked in the
east coast and Texas and there are plenty of jobs for more experienced people.
But on a personal note, the harder you work to overcome your circumstances,
the stronger you will become in the future, you will become more resilient to
failure, you will have better coping strategies due, and you will definitely
be better at not stressing over things you can't help in life. Think of this
period as training to become that guy.

------
ramphastidae
I'm really sorry to hear, but the advice to just keep trying is accurate.

I have had a very successful on-paper career (worked in finance, then dev at
FAANG, then co-founder with exit) and have been looking for my next role for
over six months. I thought it would be a breeze and I've got rejection after
rejection — even for low-level roles I am easily qualified for.

You may be being rejected for reasons out of your control — the recruiter may
be biased, your salary requirements may be too high, the company may prefer
less qualified candidates they can 'mold' (e.g. over-promise and underpay).

What I found is that no matter your resume, connections are everything. Have
you reached out to as many former co-workers for referrals as possible?
Basically all of my applications that haven't been referrals have been
outright rejections or silence, and all of them with referrals have gotten me
at least a recruiter phone call.

Have you lowered your standards a bit? I had to. Maybe you won't work at a
FAANG or even a big startup, but that's OK. Expand your options to 'boring'
mid-level companies, smaller startups, anywhere you can get a referral.

NEVER NEVER NEVER discuss personal drama or problems at the interview. It's
not fair at all but your interviewers just don't care and will only see it a
huge red flag. Make something up if you need to. You wanted to take some time
off to travel. A family member got sick and you needed to take care of them.
You wanted to try to launch some personal projects.

Make sure your application volume is high (50+ applications) and don't stop
applying to new roles even if you start making progress. I've made it to a lot
of second or even final rounds for jobs that I was sure were going to work out
and they didn't.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself — get good sleep, shower every day,
eat properly, no drugs, and go outside and walk around and get some exercise.
Dress decently. This WILL help you feel better and make a better impression on
others. These are seemingly subtle changes but people DEFINITELY notice when
someone is sloppy vs. well put-together.

Good luck, you are not alone. Just take it one day at a time.

------
dontgiveup
Work on a side project to demonstrate your skills over other candidates. If
you have 9 years of experience, you should be schooling them in terms of
knowledge, and the best way to do this is a side project. When companies
reject you, its nothing personal, you need to find a way to stand out from the
rest of the pack.

Side projects are a great way to reaffirm your self worth. People that only
climb the career ladder can't build a project from ground up. Its only those
that hone their skills that do. As an added benefit, it might even become a
real business. Keep yourself busy.

------
daleco
Stay strong, you have the will. Please seek help if you keep having these
thoughts. You should be able to find free help on that matter.

Practicing sport keeps my mind focused and the negative thoughts away. I find
it a great free anti depressant.

I subscribed to Indeed Prime, they offer free coaching (resume help, mock
interviews...). With your background, you should be selected.

Have you got feedbacks from employers?

Did you apply to unemployment? Can you take a side job in the meantime (e.g.
Uber)?

Don’t overload yourself and do a little everyday.

------
gaze
I'm sorry. The tech world is cruel and parts of the culture value youth to a
harmful and callous degree. The people who are saying your depression is
purely chemical and all that are missing the point that the depression is a
reaction to an honest to goodness extremely difficult situation. I can only
empathize. Please don't give up. If you're in silicon valley, I can only
suggest getting out, since it seems to be the locus of this shittiness.

------
jacobyoder
Wow - you're getting rejection letters/emails? You're doing much better than
I've been faring. Have reached out to around 25-30 places in the last 2 months
- 2 have actually responded with "you're not a fit".

Consider connecting with someone at 7cups -
[https://www.7cups.com/](https://www.7cups.com/) \- it's free.

------
amadk
For depression, try [https://www.7cups.com](https://www.7cups.com) or
[https://www.talkspace.com](https://www.talkspace.com), my therapist on 7cups
helped me get through some really tough times. Also their community is
amazing. I highly recommend trying them.

As for the job search, it takes a long time to get a new job, the fact that
you're getting interviews is a victory of its own, just keep at it. Also if
you're having trouble finding a job in a particular city, you could try
expanding your search, like in different a city or country. You could also try
applying for remote jobs, those are becoming increasingly popular and also pay
quite well. Hope that helps, please feel free to dm me @amadkn on twitter if
you want to talk. No one should deal with depression alone.

------
aregsarkissian
Try to focus on one specific technology that is popular in enterprise software
and become an expert at it. Take one to three months if possible and just
focus on that one thing. I'll use the example of front end development with
Angular. Watch a bunch of youtube videos on it and read the docs. Set up a
free github account and set up a free github pages blog and do deep dive blog
posts on angular topics as you learn and also build demo apps that demonstrate
your mastery of specific angular best practices. Put that stuff on your resume
and present yourself as an expert on the topic. Side opportunities may open up
as well. As an example see how this guy has set himself up as a django expert:
wsvincent.com

------
ablekh
Hope is definitely there. As long as we are alive, there is hope. Please hang
in there. As many people here, I as well can relate to many aspects of what
you are currently going though. I'm sending you some positive energy and can
share one practical advice - consider attending your local tech meetups (find
them here: [https://www.meetup.com](https://www.meetup.com)). There is a very
good chance that conversations with people there will open you to various and
unexpected (in a good way) career opportunities. But first (or in parallel
with meetups) try to reach out to people here who offered you some networking
help (myself included). Best wishes!

------
dmitripopov
Depression is a disease, not just a state of mind and it needs to be taken
care of. The more you let it go untreated the worse it gets. You can try to
get out of it by doing physical exercises or just taking long walks (try and
spend a whole day walking). It really helps. Exclude sugar and fat from your
diet. Fried food too. Get out and chat with friends, in real life, not in
messaging apps. Quit toxic relationships if you feel your spouse drowns you.
There are a lot of things you can do yourself without attending a counselor.
Once you move yourself to the positive attitude, job interviews would change
accordingly.

------
rasikjain
Sorry to hear this.

It gets difficult to compete with the young graduates or recent hires.
However, there is always a need for the experienced people like you with lot
of tech chops. Try to brush up the skills and apply for interviews and answer
confidently (worst case, ready for next interview); this worked in my case.

In my experience, lot of big to mid-size boring enterprise companies need
people like you with proven experience. Most of the startups and silicon
valley companies look for younger talent with recent skillset.

Feel free to reach out. My email is in my profile.

(I am in job hunting looking for remote opportunities; It feels applying for
jobs itself is a full-time job)

------
iworkforthem
I am 42, been in the industry for the past 19 years. Right now, I am in job
hunting as well. It does get depressing at times, I tried not to dwell on the
misses, and keep on looking forward to the next interview.

If you can afford the money, do get the necessary certifications; PMP,
Certified AWS Architect, etc. Else spend time to revise on the interview
questions, there's a lot of resources on GitHub.

In between waiting for the next interview, I am trying to get back into shape,
pick up a new hobby or skills, etc. Just to keep my mind back to those
negative thoughts.

If you need someone to talk to, drop me an email.

------
canyon289
Just wanted to pop in and say I'm also in the job hunting search and cycle
between optimism and anxiety. It's a challenging process and I'm struggling
with it too.

I understand what you're going through

------
bsvalley
In which part of the World are you located? A solution to get over your
nightmare may be to move somewhere else where competition doesn't exist. Apply
where the barriers of entry are lower because of a lack of candidates
available around.

This will help you get back to a stable state where you'll be able to slowly
work your way back "up". People who do that usually end up way higher that
originally planned, when they fight back after a good recovery. You need a
change of scenery.

------
mrburton
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? It sounds like you're basically
"freaking out".

First off, take a step back and recalibrate yourself. I'll share some advice
that works but sounds crazy.

1\. Start waking up in the morning and remind yourself that you've succeeded
in the past.

2\. Tell yourself that you're good. I'm not joking, literally, tell yourself
in the mirror. I did say some of this shit sounds crazy.

3\. Be confident - if you lose confidence in yourself, so will everyone else.

4\. Create a realistic road map of what you want. Chip away at it. Don't pause
every day asking yourself "How far you've come since yesterday?" I do that
when I'm trying to lose weight, and I tell you.. it takes 4 weeks to lose
8lbs. Hell, I can gain 8 pounds in a day.. wtf right? Success is the say way.
Failure can happen overnight, but success takes time. Eventually, I will see
more than just my toes and my toilet will thank me.

5\. Get out of your house daily, open your windows and remember life naturally
ends one day. So right now step up and play the game hard. I come to realize
that no one will give a shit in 1,000 years about how great or how bad I was..
no one. And those that _might_, Fuck'em™ because I don't know who they are
anyhow. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

6\. Stop thinking and talking negative - You're creating some really be neural
wiring in your head. Start rewiring your mind for success.

I'm not trying to save the world here or anything. My mom tells me you can't
force anyone to change, only they can improve themselves. I know what it's
like to deal with some shitty life events. I learned to care a lot less about
my failures, enjoy my victors and really enjoy the journey.

Here's a taste of some shit I experienced. Raised by a mother who had 2 kids
by 17. She got her ass beat daily at home by my father; who has AIDS. I lost
over 8 friends to suicide (Uncle hung himself), 4+ from murder (one was raped
and murdered in high school), a man who was like my father died on my 17th
birthday of cancer, my brothers ex-girlfriend who he wanted to married died at
21 in a car wreck, I was homeless for 6 months (while working in IT.. long
story and FYI the Holland Tunnel Hotel in New Jersey isn't a 4 out of 5 start
rating like Yelp says.. trust me..), I slept on the floor from 17 until 25
because I had no bed, I worked two jobs to put my mom through college and went
to trade school at night only to get a job programming for $30k a year and I
can go on and on... BUT... no one really gives a shit.. I don't even care
about the shit I been through because the past is immutable.

My life motto - Fuck'em™

Feel free to use my motto and when you find your way, send $1 to $rburton on
Square Cash app. I'm just kidding about the send money. Pick your head up
because your neck wasn't design to support a dangling head.

If you need any advice feel free to him me up on my username at the
Google-0-Mail.

------
machiaweliczny
My wild advice would be to try vacations for a while in some cheaper country
and focus on your well being(relax, work out, play games, talk to stragers,
take dance classes, whatever you like) and see how nice life is.

Having job isn't life goal, don't end it before realising this.

BTW if you feel depression/anxiety it's good to supplement magnessium, vit D
and also check testosterone level.

------
bigbassroller
To beat depression, I follow my passions. I go on long bike rides while
listening to long DJ mixes. I work on side projects that interest me. I go on
long walks and listen to pod casts. If you need someone to talk to, I have
more life hacks to share. You can find me by my handle. Hang in there and keep
your chin up!

------
stephenbez
You may find this useful: [https://slatestarcodex.com/2018/04/25/mental-
health-on-a-bud...](https://slatestarcodex.com/2018/04/25/mental-health-on-a-
budget/) It seems like bibliotherapy and free support groups might be a good
match for you.

I'll ask a lot of questions, don't be offended if you've already thought of
all of these ideas:

Have you heard any feedback about why you aren't getting any interest from
employers? Can you ask your friends to review your resume and do a mock
interview?

I've heard good things about getting feedback through
[http://interviewing.io](http://interviewing.io).

Can you interview at a less selective company where you would be more likely
to get an offer, just to get something? I know people who were able to get
their first job at a non-profit such as a charity or library. Those positions
probably don't pay well so there aren't as many applicants, but it can get you
back on your feet.

Have you reached out to all previous managers and coworkers to see if they are
aware of any opportunities?

It sounds like you don't currently have a job which means you can go about job
search differently. I don't know if this is a possibility, but some companies
have a situation where they pay you to work with them for a week, and then
they decide if you are a good fit. This might help if you are fine at doing
work but under perform in interviews.

Have you applied for unemployment or government aid?

------
vfulco2
If it is of use, feel free to email your resume and I will provide a free 1-2
page review (OP only). I run a professional services firm creating them,
LinkedIn Profiles and interview coaching for global job seekers.

~~~
pickle-wizard
I strongly suggesting getting a pro to look over your resume and linked in
profile.

Years ago I having problems finding a job. I have a friend who did resume
editing on the side. He tore my resume to shreds, but his suggestions help. I
started getting interviews within the week.

Thanks for being a good guy and offering to help the OP.

------
jacob_rezi
hey my company is [https://rezi.io](https://rezi.io), at the very least I can
help you with your resume to make sure its as good as it can be

------
a-saleh
Tldr: I cope by going to free therapy sessions

First I would muster up all my energy try to activate my basic survival
instinct, sit down and start planning.

How much money do I have? What is the runway, if I don't get more money, what
is the last day I am able to afford to pay rent? Do I have any financial
obligations that I can't get our of? I.e. where I once lived there were
significant cancelation fees. Then I would make plan to extend my runway as
far as feasible, with the limited energy I have.

If I feel that I am currently not capable of this level of planning (or that
seeing the date I am probably becoming homeless would incapacitate me) I would
go back to all of my friends that 'just tell me to keep trying' and asked for
help.

"I am beyond keep-trying, I am not sure how long am I able to pay rent, and I
need start planning contingency, can you sit down with me and help me with
that?"

There might be some that in case your funds run out would at least let you
crash on their couch.

I am not sure how you work, but for me, knowing my runway and gazing into the
metaphorical abyss helps me muster my fight of flight reflex.

Second, I would look for a therapist. I am currently going for a one-on-one
session for free, because the therapist is training on a new method and needs
several reviews of patients before getting an attestation and being able to
charge for it. If I already didn't have contact I would ask at local med-
school?

Third. I would once again go back to my friends and ask them for jobs.
A.f.a.i.k. going though the regular channel to get hired has high rejection
rate, and if every rejection keeps you getting deeper into depression, then
going through the front door is not hte route for me. If a friend can arrange
a coffee with their manager, when they know they are looking for someone like
you, with racks open, sending the resume could, in the best-case scenario
become just a formality. (That is how I got my last job, more or less)

Last, if friends can't help you, I would start looking at less desirable/well
payed jobs. I know that most of my peers wouldn't work for goverment, because
pay is bad, but they are usually eager to hire anybody with the skills.

------
devinjflick
Please seek help if you have seriously considered taking your life.

I've dealt with this exact issue in my life before. Here's a few of my
recommendations.

If homelessness is an issue, get any income you can. Whatever job you can get
to get your bills paid, take out loans, credit cards do what you gotta do to
take care of yourself. Every time you go to that job, no matter how you feel
about it, tell yourself, this is the first step forward. This is me taking
care of myself.

There are a lot of free resources in most cities. Sometimes talking to a
social worker is completely free and can be very helpful. Talking to an
external non bias source who has "no skin in the game" can be profound.

Somethings to consider:

How much sleep are you getting? If it's on the low side (under 6 hours) this
will greatly contribute to depressive thoughts or moods. Typically sleep can
move you into better mental health than medication can.

How regular is your sleep? Are you falling asleep/waking up at the same time
everyday? If this is varying wildly it will throw your circadian rhythm off
and your sleep will be of poorer quality, which will worsen your mood.

How much physical exercise are you getting? Physical exercise has been shown
to release a whole range of chemicals that will affect your mood. Try to get
at least 20m of rigorous exercise a day no matter what. I prefer in the
morning right after waking up. There's less resistance at that time and
afterwards you can open yourself up to whatever you want to do with the rest
of your day knowing you've taken care of yourself. I prefer yoga specifically
this youtuber:
[https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene](https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene)
Her "TRUE" and "DEDICATE" series have helped me greatly both physically and
mentally.

Have you considered medication? Most people are very hesitant to go on an
antidepressant or mood regulator. There's a lot of stigma that surrounds it.
But at the worst you try one for a month and decide its not working and move
on. The alternative (suicide) IS FAR WORSE and permanent. Please consider
medication prior to any final step. There's a whole range that can be
prescribed that can affect you differently, some can make you sleepy after
taking them some can make you feel more awake. Talk to your primary care
physician. They can typically administer a questionnaire and ask some
supplemental questions that will help narrow down what will work for you.
Don't let the medical cost be prohibitive. Typically this medication is cheap
and can be prescribed after just an initial visit. Also request a full blood
work up to check your Vitamin D and B and B12 levels, all these greatly
contribute to depressed moods.

Finally I'll recommend a book that has helped me break away from the idea that
I am what I feel/how I feel. [https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-Through-
Depression-Unhapp...](https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-
Unhappiness/dp/1593851286)

I hope this helps. You're not alone. Many have been in your shoes. Take care
of yourself friend.

~~~
devinjflick
and if you need to reach out please don't hesitate!

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c1sc0
Do you want to talk?

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Zelmor
I'd advice you to start exercising. I recommend kettlebell and weight
training, not cardio. This will help with your chemistry and make you more
confident in your abilities.

