

What kids should do when they see a classmate being bullied - KMinshew
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/bulle/2013/02/bullying_can_we_teach_kids_to_stop_being_bystanders.html

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argumentum
I was 2 years younger than everyone in my class growing up (skipped a grade
and started early). It sucked, especially as I moved from a private school in
Virginia to a public junior high school in California. At risk of sounding
sorry for myself, I wasn't merely bullied in the sense of taunting, rumors etc
.. I was _the_ bullied kid at my school.

One thing adults should do is own up, both to bullying and especially _to
being bullied_. The former bullies aren't likely to own up anyway, but the
stigma of being bullied is real, even if you don't fall into some protected
category.

I wasn't _gay_ , did not chose to live a "goth" lifestyle or anything else
(not that there is the least bit wrong about any of those things). I played
sports and music competitively, did everything a _normal_ kid is supposed to
do. I wanted to be a _normal_ kid. I _was_ a normal kid, and a fairly popular
one despite my age before I moved. The first month at my new school, I ran for
class president. Needless to say, I did not lack for confidence, at least at
that time.

I even got a few votes, and apparently that wasn't to the liking of a certain
segment of the population. They proceeded to make my life hell for 2 years,
and being new and having no friends did not help. The few who reached out
early, backed away as it became clear that I was not wanted at the school. The
ringleaders began a campaign of physical bullying, and (worst of all) obscene
phone calls to my home. Not only was I afraid to go to school, I ran home to
intercept the calls so my parents didn't have to feel sorry for me and here
the crap that was being said: "f- your mother, you f--" blah blah. Juvenile,
and _really quite pathetic_.

On Sadie Hawkins day, after (a real) girl asked me out .. someone found out
and I got literally over 30 phone calls .. ceaselessly, for hours on end
pretending to be that girl to mock me .. to this day I cannot understand the
purpose of it. Needless to say, I did not go .. and never went to a dance or
party throughout junior and high school.

The most painful thing for me, was not only was I so ruthlessly targeted, the
Columbine incident happened to occur during those years. All of of a sudden,
not only was I the weird kid from out of town that no one was supposed to
like, classmates made jokes that I was the _most likely_ to go on a killing
rampage.

As it turned out, the Columbine murderers were not bullied so much as they
were psychopathic. Yet the public perception still exists that one of the
reasons to stop bullying is to stop more Columbines. It's sad, really.

It took 7 years for me and college to become _normal_ again, be part of a real
group of friends and regain the confidence I had as a child. Botton line ..
plenty of _normal_ adults were bullied and they should stand up so the bullied
kids of today know that a good future lies ahead, and the bullies of today
know that their dominance will be only temporary. The best revenge, after all,
is living well.

------
pasbesoin
Adults, and other kids: Give the (your!) kids the tools to deal with bullying.
Not just a message. This includes tools to deal with physical aggression; not
to start it, but at a minimum to control and escape it uninjured.

Kids: Don't trust any one adult or organization. I like the photo in the
article because the girl is substantial documentation, which is much harder to
refute or ignore.

You can tell the school administration. And your parents, I should add. If the
school doesn't do anything, go to the police. If you can afford to, hire a
lawyer.

That physical evidence makes it harder for the police to ignore. They may well
try, but, for example, battery is battery... and with enough legal attention,
they will get in trouble for ignoring it.

People change when the status quo becomes painful enough for them. All too
often, they actively oppose change before things reach this point. Or, they
pay lip service, while doing nothing of consequence.

This is a difficult lesson to learn, amidst all the idealistic messaging that
gets pushed at kids. Lo, for better and for worse, this is the way the world
really works.

Bravo to you, for taking it on rather acquiescing. Hopefully this makes your
community better not just for the other person, but for you, as well. And, it
sets a pattern for _doing_ , rather than allowing things to be done to you. A
good habit to have, in life.

