
Sacrificing everything for my dog. How I became a programmer - dsowers
https://medium.com/this-happened-to-me/612aeda3d770
======
Afforess
I like the story, but I feel it's important to mention that the authors stated
opinion on Karma is _terrifying_.

Karma is essentially the worst sort of belief, in that superficially it seems
to reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. This appeals to a lot of
people because of its clear "carrot/stick" mentality and overall simplicity.
This is the "Just-World" hypothesis.

In reality, this kind of thinking means that if you believe in Karma, you can
ignore less-fortunates because clearly they screwed up their lives on their
own. Conversely, you can get away with being a jerk to people, because they
probably deserved it anyway. It is a self-reinforcing bias of the worst sort.

~~~
nkohari
This is a very superficial interpretation of the idea of karma. What you're
describing is just someone rationalizing being a judgmental asshole.

Karma is about "paying it forward", not in an attempt to gain the favor of the
universe, but because it is the morally correct thing to do.

If you believe in karma, you believe that the machinations of the universe
will reward and punish justly, but you don't participate in the process
directly. Individuals don't get to meter out "karmic retribution" to people
they perceive to be unworthy.

~~~
6d0debc071
While I don't think that the author of the piece meant it this way:

If I believe in Karma, arguably I believe that the best thing I can do is to
fulfil my station in life as I aspire to break the cycle of rebirth. It's
definitely worth remembering that Karma existed in a society that did have,
and still does in some ways, a very strong caste system where the good of the
society was often seen as a consequence of everyone doing their assigned role.
Notably, in the Bhagavad Gita, one of the arguments that Krishna uses to
convince Arjuna that he should fight against his own family is because it will
fulfil his verdic duties - in this instance his station in life as a warrior.

------
seldo
Remember kids, if you work hard, sacrifice, and have parents with a spare
house in Tahoe they can lend you rent-free indefinitely, you too can make it
as a programmer.

~~~
Heliosmaster
I can't understand the general hostility toward getting (financial) help from
your parents or living with them until you are financially independent, even
after 18/25/30.

I know I am biased as an italian (and pretty much adhere to the true
stereotype) but I can't find anything wrong from getting help from the people
that brought you in this world and which probably love you more than anyone
else on the planet (and therefore have more reasons to do so). There's no
shame in getting helped.

~~~
eshvk
> I can't understand the general hostility toward getting (financial) help
> from your parents or living with them until you are financially independent,
> even after 18/25/30.

Personally, I never had that support structure and had to figure out my shit
the hard way; that doesn't mean I was never helped by people, it simply means
that I had to work harder to get help. This means that I find it mildly
annoying when those hoops are skipped easily by people who can run to mommy
and daddy when things go bad.

> I know I am biased as an italian

There is a cultural element to it. I am of Indian origin; those people are big
on the family support structure thing. I think it gets way too codependent. On
the other hand, America has both kinds: There are enough people who run to
daddy to handle their credit card bills. There also is this Randian image of a
hero who arises magically from the dust and conquers everything.

------
jurassic
The bit about having to overcome feelings of guilt about disappointing your
advisor in order to live the right life for you really resonated with me.
Taking the long-term view to make the right short-term life choices is
something that many of my unhappy colleagues still toiling on their doctorates
would benefit from. We PhD dropouts have decades of experience meeting and
exceeding the expectations of others by the time we reach graduate school, so
it feels like a radical step to finally place our own needs and desires above
the need for validation from others in our lives.

~~~
unmei
Second. I'd also like to point out that I am a cat person and also feel bad
about not being able to spend more time with my cats while I'm in the lab all
day!

------
VladRussian2
> If you’ve ever owned a dog, you know just how intelligent they actually are
> (especially larger breeds)

yes, some larger breeds rate higher on obedience scale, and we, humans, equate
that to the intelligence in animals. There is another bias also is that large
breeds are more frequently working breeds, thus a lot of specialized effort is
invested into training them, and thus more of the obedience results achieved.

~~~
yardie
Couldn't obedience be another form of intelligence?

~~~
notimetorelax
Agree, to do everything right they have to understand when and how to do that.

------
DjangoReinhardt
Quite a bit of discussion around the meaning of Karma in here.

As an Indian, I'd like to chip in with the actual meaning of "Karma" \- the
closest synonym in English is "fulfilling your purpose".

The Indian culture is heavy with assumptions that everyone has some purpose in
life. The concept of karma urges you to act upon your purpose in life -
intended or perceived. It never promises any rewards or punishments by itself.
That is primarily taken care of by the rest of the philosophy in these books -
unsurprisingly similar to all the other religions of the world.

By itself, karma has no positive or negative association. In fact, one of the
holy texts dissociates your "karma" with the fruits reaped subsequent to it.
"Continue fulfilling your purpose in life without expecting any rewards for
your actions whatsoever." In other words:

Happiness = Reality - Expectations.

The lower the expectations and 'better' the reality, the greater your
happiness. :)

------
Falling3
I like this guy. Except for when he acted like cat owners couldn't make
sacrifices too. I once had to cut a trip short because my cat missed me so
much that he made himself sick.

~~~
dsowers
lol. Sorry for ripping on cat people at the end. For the sake of my dog, I
felt like I had to get at least one jab in there.

~~~
Bullislander05
I found it a happy little jab at the end of a serious, introspective article.
Thank you for the neat read! I, personally am looking to get a dog and cat(s)
soon, and I, too, realize the massive time commitment these animals require to
make it worth it. I'm shooting for a stronger at-home presence before I make
the leap.

~~~
PakG1
My roommates told me that when I went home to visit family for vacation, my
cat apparently sat at the door every day as if she was waiting for me to come
back. What am I supposed to say when I hear that? She demonstrates her
affection in other ways too. Dang, you get attached so easily. Definitely be
prepared to be committed before you get a pet.

------
tluyben2
I live in a village of 40 people in the mountains a large part of the year for
my dogs. Programming from home. Living in a city and working in an office I
thought was horrible for animals so we changed our lives 6 years ago radically
to not go to 'the office' (office at home now) and live on a large (30000 m^2)
plot of land where dogs can be outside without us worrying about cars.

I don't have the karma thing; I just moved because I thought dogs should be
able to run around all day instead of sit in a small apartment (the apartment
costing actually 4x as much as the villa + large plot of land making it really
insane to me now that people actually choose and like living on 80m^2 vs
200m^2+30000m^2 for 4x as much money, but he, I loved it in the city; I'm not
sure if that feeling grew or was always there). We would never move back to
our previous life; there is no stress anymore and money is simply worth a lot
more in the countryside.

------
rl3
The author's opinions on incurring credit card debt strikes me as naive with a
hint of survivorship bias.

 _> As long as you use the money properly, and investing in yourself is the
best possible way to use money, credit cards can give you a new life._

If by using the money properly he meant investing in his business, then, what
would have happened if his business instead failed (as most do)?

Incurring high-interest debt like that isn't really advisable unless you have
a solid plan B to deal with it in case things go awry (which they probably
will).

~~~
precisioncoder
That's the wonderful and horrible thing about the US. There are a myriad of
high risk high reward options like credit cards and student debt. For some
people they pay off, for others they end up drowning in debt. There are some
wonderful success stories and some terrifying stories of lives reduced to
abject poverty.

~~~
dapz
I think it is mostly wonderful. In the part of the third world my parents are
from unless your family is independently wealthy then you simply won't be able
to afford to go to college and thus are destined to (at best) have some very
low-paying menial labor job.

Contrast this with the US, you can get federally-backed, low-interest loans,
go to school majoring in engineering and move from poverty to middle class in
one generation.

Pretty sweet deal, imo.

~~~
precisioncoder
Well it's a huge difference with Europe. Specifically in Austria where I'm
living everyone gets an education for free, there's free health care, even
menial jobs are well paid. Everyone lives a pretty solid middle class life but
there are much fewer people struggling to change the world. Fewer success
stories but everyone is taken care of. It's an interesting situation, hell
there's not even credit card debt since if your credit isn't paid by the end
of the month it's locked until you pay your balance down to zero.

~~~
hga
Another thing to factor in: for whatever reasons, you aren't reproducing. Per
Wikipedia, your fertility rate is 1.42 to 1.44
([http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sovereign_states_and_de...](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_sovereign_states_and_dependent_territories_by_fertility_rate)),
which is perilously close to the "lowest low" of 1.3 from which societies
don't recover from, and certainly isn't even close to the 2.1 needed for
steady state replacement.

I.e. absent serious change, your society is doomed, you'll die out in due
course; many say the example your and other counties like you provide are
object lessons in what not to do.

~~~
precisioncoder
That's a strawman unless you can produce data that relates the reproduction
rate to the standard of living. If you can do that then apparently what you're
saying is that a country needs to enforce low standards (or at least wildly
differing) standards of living in order to ensure survival. I.e. absent major
changes your argument has been refuted; Many say the example your argument and
other's like it provide are object lessons in what not to do.

------
javert
Great story. However, this clearly was _not_ a sacrifice.

It would be a sacrifice if he had made himself miserable for the sake of the
dog.

We have a culture that glorifies sacrifice, and we need to stop doing that.
Sacrifice is a barbaric, religious notion. Nobody truly gains by others'
sacrifices.

~~~
eshvk
You are lucky the west is a guilt based culture; this glorification of
sacrifice goes even further in shame based cultures.

~~~
javert
I can't imagine any form of sacrifice-worship more severe than Christianity,
which has generally ruled the west for 1700 years.

That said, many Westerners are much better than the central theme of their
religion. I can't really speak for eastern cultures. You may be right.

------
matryoshka4811
Really sweet story. As a two-cat household (no doggies allowed in apartment
unfortunately) I understand the desire to be home with them. I always tell
people being with my kitties all day is a major plus for being a programmer.
And didn't mind the ending line, cat people have their dog people jokes too so
it's fun for all of us.

------
hoggle
I've got tremendous respect for this man - honestly identifying what's
important and then changing direction so fundamentally is very hard. It takes
a lot of courage to do all of that, we need more loving people for sure.

------
tfb
I honestly don't know where I'd be without my dog. They really are amazing
animals. It's been a rough few years and just knowing that every time I get up
from the computer that he's ready to make me smile and go wherever I go,
whenever I go... it's a perfect reminder of why I work as hard as I do.

Even though I do walk him multiple times each day, I feel bad for sitting at
this machine working 70+ hours a week trying to build a business. It's taking
longer than expected and it's gotten to where I can't tell if he's just
getting old or possibly depressed from lack of stimulation, so I tell him
(probably more so myself ;) that we're going to move on soon and have all
kinds of fun. That's the main thing that keeps me going. I just hope that by
the time I do get back on my feet, there's still time to give him the life he
deserves.

~~~
nobodysfool
Stop projecting your feelings on your dog. Your dog does not guilt you into
anything, your dog doesn't judge you, you are judging yourself.

~~~
tfb
I know. I thought I made that clear with the "probably more so myself" bit.
But me feeling bad for the dog who has a much shorter lifespan than I do and
who seems to already be losing his sight and hearing is not projecting. My
sight and hearing is perfectly fine.

------
anigbrowl
_There are probably a lot of people out there who balk at the idea of personal
sacrifice for a dog. It’s easy to spot these people, however. They are cat
people._

I spent $1000 last month so one of my cats could get an abcessed tooth removed
on Memorial day, out of about $2500 that I took in. You're not special.

~~~
hoggle
That closing remark was obviously tongue-in-cheek! :)

~~~
DjangoReinhardt
As a cat-person, I hope the tongue-in-cheek was between the two jaws. :/

------
joonix
So dogs don't deserve to be locked up all day inside, but kids, and people,
do?

Humans are happy outdoors. Children need to be outside exploring, playing,
figuring out the earth and nature, not sitting inside on iPads all day. Just
because there are "good jobs" in tech doesn't mean it's OK to withdraw your
child from nature in order to allow more time tinkering with computers.

Let kids get close with nature. Let them connect with animals and the earth.
It will lead to calmer, more empathetic adults with less anxiety and more
confidence and compassion.

~~~
hsitz
The writer's comments were not primarily about a dog being locked _inside_,
there were more about the dog being left _alone_. It's illegal to lock a kid
inside alone all day (or at all), but that's how many dogs are left, even
though dogs are pack animals that decline without interaction.

Yes, there is the additional element of nature (i.e., Tahoe) in the narrative.
And nature certainly enriches both our lives and a dog's life. But having
interaction with others is a more basic and even more important requirement in
our lives. Nature, important as it is, is more like the frosting on top.

~~~
general_failure
Kids might not be locked alone but they are definitely left all alone with
their iPads in practically all families I have seen. The trend is especially
true in the western world where the parents are too 'busy' and send their kids
off to preschool way too early since they can't be bothered with parenting.

------
mehmehshoe
As someone who lived in South Lake many years ago, I do get the Tallac
reference. In the spring of 90 I hiked that mountain (started at 2am and
reached the top at 9am)and snowboarded down the "cross". That day is one if my
best memories. Thank you for the reminder=)

[http://www.summitpost.org/mount-
tallac/150430](http://www.summitpost.org/mount-tallac/150430)

------
barbs
I really wish this trend of pressing left and right arrow keys to change
articles/blog-posts would hurry up and die. Maybe I'm just stupidly clumsy,
but so many times I'll try and scroll down on one of these pages and get
thrown to some random story that doesn't interest me because I hit the wrong
arrow key.

------
smoyer
Perhaps the author knew he was on the wrong path subconsciously, but convinced
himself it was okay if he was making the change for his dog? To turn his own
words around, why would someone who lives a life of 75-80 years decide the
course of their life-time for one that will only be around for 10?

P.S. I love my dog too but ...

~~~
notimetorelax
I don't know I don't have problems making changes in my life for someone who
matters to me. I don't look at life as a single event. Better split it into 5
- 10 year periods, a lot of things change in that time.

Also if you like having dogs you'll have another one with similar needs in
10-15 years.

------
benatkin
It seems like he might have solved his problem twice. I have a friend who's a
serious dog person, and having a significant other who gets home several hours
before he does has helped his dog to be happy. Perhaps Lisa also has an easier
schedule than dsowers would have if he continued being a chemist.

------
hackinthebochs
Just imagine if people were that dedicated to _each other_.

I've often noticed that we treasure the unconditional love and dedication that
dogs have for their owners, yet the same behavior seen among people would be
considered weak, co-dependent, etc. Why is there such a disconnect here?

------
cpursley
Ping-pong tables, ha!!

Part of the reason I won't take a higher paying job in an office environment
is the satisfaction I get working from home and having my dog(s) by my side.
Being able to step out of the house for fresh air and take them on a walk is
worth it's weight in gold.

~~~
cdjk
Or you could get a job where you can bring your dog to the office. That's what
I do - he likes going to work more than I do, since he gets to see all of his
friends at the office.

------
girlvinyl
Dogs focus their energies on pleasure and curiosity. Being around them can
really change your point of view on things. I'm very glad to be able to work
from home and spend that extra time with my 13 year old dog.

------
stef25
I'm in the same situation, getting sick of spending too much time away from
home, but I am already a programmer who's made to commute 2.5hrs a day for a
job I can do from home :(

------
zobzu
A dog is a living creature, just like a child is. Sounds good enough to
attempt to make it happy. I wouldn't worry about what others think. ;-)

(note: I don't have a dog.)

~~~
gbog
> A dog is a living creature, just like a child is.

Ok, mosquitoes are too.

I'm really worried for those people equating their prefered pets with human
beings.

I remember those technokids playing the beggars in front of a somethingmarket
in France, they had four enormous dogs and wanted money supposedly for their
pets' food.

Bullshit. If you like dogs, you do not chain them allday long to some grocery
entrance, and then bring them back in some small stinky appartment. You either
live with them in the countryside and go hunting rabbits with them in the
morning, or you just don't breed them.

~~~
zobzu
That's quite a stretch you made there.

------
CrazyIvan
Clearly the author loved his dog more than his research advisor who supported
the author through finance and other things.Glad for him though that it worked
out.

------
_rknLA
Best ending ever.

------
ppradhan
good story bro... hope the dog's getting a cut of the profits. kidding aside,
well done!

------
t0mislav
What a great story!

