
The introvert's guide to getting noticed - Paul_Dessert
http://www.pauldessert.com/blog/the-introverts-guide-to-getting-noticed.php
======
MichaelGG
Not necessarily related to introverts per-se, but I see it a lot in the geeky
stereotype.

Try getting good clothes. Go to a good store and let the people do their
thing. (Or otherwise find some fashion advice).

I did this as an experiment a few years back. Just walked into a place, gave
em some cash and said make me look less of a dork. (I usually just wore slacks
and a plain tshirt, mostly dark colors, nothing worth noting other than it's
lameness and banality.)

The difference was immediate. Night and day. People just noticed and responded
better to me, everywhere. It was like this secret power, just putting on a
Wardrobe of Charisma +5. It was bizarre.

I haven't kept it up at all, mainly due to lack of need of charisma in
general. I've known that dressing up, like wearing a good suit, can be
effective in social engineering situations, but I wasn't aware of how powerful
just dressing "nice" versus "usable" had just walking around.

I'm sure this is all well-known to most people and you might be shaking your
head at the basics of life I am so amazed by, but perhaps someone will find
this an interesting anecdote.

Edit: I'd also note that I did what he suggested, too. I look back at my blog
and cringe. But I got a fair amount of contacts, book deals (which I never
followed through on properly), even respect from strangers on a few occasions,
on account of me being active publicly. And back then people linked a lot to
random blog posts (maybe they still do) and without any effort, I had a PR6
site which was sorta cool. As a bad career move, I got embarrassed about
things and decided I wasn't as good as I thought I was and stopped writing and
self-promoting. Traffic and PR went down accordingly.

~~~
jeffwass
> It was like this secret power, just putting on a Wardrobe of Charisma +5.

That made me chuckle.

Mind commenting on what kind of clothes they offered and for what sort of
price range?

~~~
MichaelGG
I was visiting Orange County (ugh) then, and just went to some upscale men's
clothing shop/boutique. Shirts were about $100-300 each, pants $100-200, shoes
another $100. (I had a very friendly expense account at the time.)

This was south California casual, I guess? Shoes that look good sockless (or
wear those little liner socks). Button-down shirts that have some simple
design. It was nothing really, and I'd have no problem doing outfits that good
myself now, after spending perhaps 10-15 hours reading about fashion and
trying stuff out. But at the time it was revelatory.

I am certain that many guys in my position would do fine just going any
decent-looking clothing store and asking the salesguy to make you look OK.
They're good enough to not let you leave looking like a dweeb. Personally I
like some of Banana Republic's stuff, as it's higher quality than Target, and
still casual (yet the other half of the inventory seems very "douchy").

People are so vulnerable to social manipulation via clothing and all sorts of
other means. The stereotypical programmer person looks down on this, perhaps
because they're not comfortable, or because it feels "fake". It might be
useful to view social as just another system to be hacked. And in the process,
one might realise it doesn't have to be fake and can be quite rewarding.

Yes, I know, this reeks of just blindly following trends and conformity. But
we don't say that of other hacks. "Loser! You just shoved some escape
characters into a querystring and looked for issues. That's so common, you're
such a sheep." Yeah, maybe, but the end result is what matters. And feel free
to A/B test versus wearing a "I'm too CSSy for this shirt" tee and decide
which leads to a more fulfilling experience.

[The irony of me giving out fashion and social advice. Like someone advising
you to "buy a computer with Internet; that's my favourite program".]

~~~
civilian
I agree with your sentiment about wearing nice clothes for the social hack
feeling "fake". At some point in school I made a conscious effort to judge
people by who they are, rather than by the material things surrounding them.
And even though I'm playing the sheeple's game by dressing nice(r), I try to
still give everyone the benefit of the doubt and judge them by who they are.
It's paid off; I got a (very welcomed) free lesson in Cassandra at a tech
meetup because I started a conversation with someone who other people were
avoiding because of appearance.

------
justrudd
I'll probably be down voted for this, but I don't see how this has anything to
do with introversion. This reads more like "The shy person's guide to getting
noticed".

I'm an introvert. After a particular long week, I'll go into my apartment and
only talk to the delivery person that is bringing me my food. I do that
because I just have to recharge and don't want to be around people.

But I have zero problems talking to people. I'm usually the loudest person in
a design meeting. I am not afraid to make my opinions known. Mostly in person
because I like to read people's body language.

Yes. This is just one person's account. But please don't assume introversion
== shyness.

------
thejaredhooper
A more appropriate name would be "An introvert's guide to being extroverted".

I like the idea of using your actual name for usernames, but that could lead
to some unnecessary risk if you don't practice proper password security.

The meetups aren't a bad idea, but telling people to "talk to someone" is a
bad idea. How about "Listen to someone"? That's much better, especially for
introverts.

You're preaching as an extrovert to introverts. Associating yourself with your
work, thinking through it, positively engaging those who criticize it while
remaining calm - those are ways to get noticed as an introvert. Incorporating
what you hear from others - that's how you get noticed. Talking to people and
talking, talking, talking... that's how you get noticed for the wrong reasons.

~~~
studiofellow
From my perspective, this article is not suggesting people try to be someone
else.

It reminds me of the popular book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World
That Can't Stop Talking‎"

In that book, the author suggest that introverts fake extroversion in short
bursts.

As an introvert myself, this is something I've done for a decade. It's tiring
but pays off. Sometimes we introverts miss out on great opportunities because
we don't stretch our comfort zone.

I think this article is good advice on small ways for introverts to put
themselves out there and "fake extroversion".

~~~
thejaredhooper
"The author suggests that introverts fake extroversion" is still convincing
someone to be an extrovert.

~~~
andrewflnr
No, it's really not, especially if you don't drop the "in short bursts"
qualifier.

------
minikites
> Understand trolls will always try and bring you down.

> It's easier said than done. The reality is, it stings. You'll question your
> work. You'll start seeing their point. You just have to realize they are
> wrong. Chances are, they are an insecure douche and have nothing better to
> do with their time than belittle other people. They are faceless.

This is much easier for men than women. Women are harassed more online and the
harassment is more personal for women than men. Men get their work attacked,
women get their identity attacked:

[http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/women-
ar...](http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/women-arent-
welcome-internet-72170/)

> According to a 2005 report by the Pew Research Center, which has been
> tracking the online lives of Americans for more than a decade, women and men
> have been logging on in equal numbers since 2000, but the vilest
> communications are still disproportionately lobbed at women. We are more
> likely to report being stalked and harassed on the Internet—of the 3,787
> people who reported harassing incidents from 2000 to 2012 to the volunteer
> organization Working to Halt Online Abuse, 72.5 percent were female.
> Sometimes, the abuse can get physical: A Pew survey reported that five
> percent of women who used the Internet said “something happened online” that
> led them into “physical danger.” And it starts young: Teenage girls are
> significantly more likely to be cyberbullied than boys. Just appearing as a
> woman online, it seems, can be enough to inspire abuse. In 2006, researchers
> from the University of Maryland set up a bunch of fake online accounts and
> then dispatched them into chat rooms.

> Accounts with feminine usernames incurred an average of 100 sexually
> explicit or threatening messages a day. Masculine names received 3.7.

[http://time.com/3305466/male-female-harassment-
online/](http://time.com/3305466/male-female-harassment-online/)

> [W]omen’s harassment is more likely to be gender-based and that has
> specific, discriminatory harms rooted in our history. The study pointed out
> that the harassment targeted at men is not because they are men, as is
> clearly more frequently the case with women. It’s defining because a lot of
> harassment is an effort to put women, because they are women, back in their
> “place.”

------
serve_yay
Prepare to be disappointed, especially by the meetups. The meeters-up may not
be a bunch of "greasy salespeople", but that doesn't make them (the meetups)
awesome by default.

~~~
AndrewKemendo
In my experience most meetups, unless they are specifically culled, super
narrow (language, stack, hardware, industry specific etc...) or invite-only
are typically made up of "wantrepreneurs," people who want you to sign an NDA
to talk to them, grease-ball recruiters, a few rare independent people and the
token public sector person trying to do tech-transfer or some other hare-
brained initiative that is only good for the city/state/federal government.

~~~
Paul_Dessert
LOL at "the token public sector person". So true. You have to sift through a
LOT of trash to find the treasures.

------
Torgo
>Last year I switched all my accounts' user names to my actual name.

Create new accounts. Don't switch your existing accounts. Unless it's Github
or something.

------
otto_sf
"Create opinionated material and share the shit out of it." ... this is
downright terrible advice, for either introverts or extroverts.

And introverts are generally capable of going through life without being
noticed as much as extroverts, and don't feel the need to create divisive
clickbait to share like an asshole. That's why we're introverts. It's okay!

~~~
Paul_Dessert
Hello troll. I knew you'd show up. In case you missed it in the article...

"Understand trolls will always try and bring you down.

It's easier said than done. The reality is, it stings. You'll question your
work. You'll start seeing their point. You just have to realize they are
wrong. Chances are, they are an insecure douche and have nothing better to do
with their time than belittle other people. They are faceless."

~~~
mjbraun
Not everyone who disagrees with you is automatically a troll. Why not provide
more support for your argument instead?

~~~
Paul_Dessert
There are others in this thread that disagree with me and I'm not calling them
trolls. This person's tone and choice of words landed them in "troll category"
in my mind.

------
xpose2000
The most interesting part is the meetups section. I just can't fathom that
meeting people and listen to them talk about themselves is using my time
wisely. As you mentioned, most of them are bullshitters. I feel as though it
should be spent improving my product, or writing a blog post about my product.

Is this the wrong way of thinking? I am the only employee. I'm supposed to do
what I'm good at, and that's coding... not talking.

Eventually, if my product is good enough, someone has to notice. Right...?

~~~
groby_b
Yes, someone will notice your product. That someone, by necessity, is someone
who _knows_ of your product. So you need to expose people to your product. And
ideally, you want this someone to be someone who knows a lot of other people.
(A "multiplier". Or "influencer". Or whatever it's called this week)

As an engineer, you might be tempted to call those people "bullshitters",
because they talk more than they create. They're not - they have different
strengths than you do, that is all. And when you need somebody to talk, you
want those people.

And so, knowing them is a good plan. As is, in general, building a network of
people you can contact for advice on things you're not good at. This is not
about going there and talking. This is about going there and finding people
who can complement your strengths. This is about getting feedback on your
product. This is about hearing new ideas.

All of that will benefit your product.

~~~
xpose2000
Well said. I appreciate that response. :)

~~~
Paul_Dessert
Agreed, very well said.

------
vinceguidry
This can be dangerous advice. The recent article about the girl that tweeted
something that was considered by others to be racist makes me very wary of
increasing my online cross-section. You literally can never know whether
someone will take something you share, go on over to 4chan, and whip a ton of
people into a doxxing storm over it.

~~~
grkvlt
No, _that_ is terrible advicc! Saying "you should never do X because someone
cold misinterpret it and bad stuff could happen" will lead to never doing X,
or anything else for that matter. You just have to take that risk n real life
that people might disagree with you, not understand you, or just not care. See
the point about trolls in the article.

------
amelius
My advice: determine your briggs meyers' personality type, and see what you
can change about being introvert, and what is just part of your personality.
Also, if you have many social problems, it may be the case that you suffer
from (social) anxiety, and you should talk to your doctor about it.

~~~
jorgis
Your personality can change based on your experiences. Nothing about you is
set in stone.

Most of the time, change is effected through long effort and reflection, and
by the end you don't see you've changed at all.

------
davidcaseria
This is something I have been working on too (and have even taken some of the
same steps). Thanks for sharing!

------
e7mac
Nice post! Support your 52 week challenge!

~~~
Paul_Dessert
Thanks! It's a bit of a struggle at times, but I'm learning a TON!

