
Dating as a foreigner in America: Everyone thinks I’m looking for a green card - macbookaries
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/11/25/dating-foreigner-america-everyone-thinks-im-just-looking-green-card/
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donohoe
Oh man. This brings me back. I'm from Ireland and I raised so many red flags
and assumptions from people when my wife (American) and I married less than a
year after dating (married 16 years now in NY with two kids and our second
dog).

I would also argue that the US is a much less attractive option for people now
than when it was 10/15 years ago, given how immigrants and immigration has
become even more divisive among white people.

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friendlybus
The question about how long you are going to stay applies to every traveller
in most countries. I emigrated to the UK and it didn't go away for 4-5 years.
Then I moved back to my home country and they were wondering if I was going to
go back to the UK for a few years.

Maybe you are looking for a green card? It's worth everybody knowing how long
you're staying so they can build something worthwhile. I'd be more wary of
those without the questioning attitude as they might just want to churn and
burn foreigners.

People who stay in one place can see time pass, but those who travel just see
changing places.

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bernierocks
You can't really blame someone for wondering about this when it happens so
often.

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Jako33
Do you date people asking them if they are after for your money or if they are
trying to get something from you? Or do your friends at gathering casually
joke about it?

As a foreigner who dated an american in the past I agree it hurts to hear that
you are after a status/GC/money when you genuinely care about the person. It
is humiliating and wrong.

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bernierocks
Well, I'm the reverse. I'm an American that dated a foreigner. While my
friends didn't actively joke about it, I had many conversations from concerned
friends and family.

"It is humiliating and wrong"

While I don't think it's right, I can understand why it might cross a person's
mind.

Many cultures have a different idea about marriage. If you are living in a
country where there is no future because the economy is horrible and there are
no jobs, and all you need to do is marry an American to not only get out of
this situation, but also help your family. Wouldn't you do it?

Many choose to do this and because it's so prevalent from some countries, it
becomes the rule, not the exception.

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Jako33
The article is about a person born and raised in Finland, who lived in Berlin,
went to NYC to study in Columbia University, and who can afford to pay $8000
in legal fees and months of paperwork to get an O1 visa. With such a
background such a person should be given at least the benefit of the doubt.

"Deceiving" marriages, sham marriages or other 'mail-order' brides services
are unfortunately a thing, but to say that it has become the rule for
relationships between Americans and non-Americans is a naive shortcut and is
certainly untrue.

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chrismeller
Dating as a foreigner in Estonia: Everyone completely ignores me because I
don’t speak any of the four local languages and they think I’m going to get
fed up and leave in six months anyway

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chapium
When we got married my spouse was already on the green card waiting list.
Their lawyers had prepared 2 reams of paperwork during the process. It
shouldn't be this difficult.

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Simulacra
It helps to be beautiful. This was an interesting perspective for a gay man,
but it would’ve been nice to hear about straight men and women.

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mataug
DELETED

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wil421
Your GF’a parents are just assholes. My GFs Dad and his family made me sit
aside for many years while they took family photos and whatnot. They generally
just accepted me as someone who’d be there but not a participant in the family
stuff.

His reason, and they told me many times, was we are young and in college. You
know those relationships just don’t last long so you’ll probably not be
together for long. Going on 11 years.

That side of the family are assholes too.

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steverb
I'm with GF's Dad on this one. You're just a boyfriend, not even a fiance.
You're not part of the family...yet. Non family members don't get to be in
family photos. Event photos, yes, but not family ones.

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wil421
When we got engaged after 7 years I was still not allowed in the pics. Not
until I was married. It caused family issues and they changed it next year for
the favorite cousin and her fiancé.

He also goes back and very badly crops others peoples heads onto her steps
sisters exes. It was awkward as hell when her niece was old enough to notice
her dad being cropped over last year.

Taking pics without letting SOs is is understandable. Refusing to get to know
someone because you might be gone is not. It goes much deeper but it’s too
much to type.

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steverb
Yeah, some people are just amazing jerks. :-)

Sorry about that.

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lawlessone
>Most people think Melania Trump married for her green card, but she actually
got her visa because she proved herself to be extraordinary in modeling

Pretty funny line there

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rurban
Actually that's a lie. One of her agents Wolfgang Schwarz in Vienna stated
about her modeling abilities that she was the worst model he ever represented.
she lacked engagement, had no energy and spoke bad english.

she was also constantly lying about her background:

"Local biographers often criticize America’s first lady for distorting some
details of her life in Slovenia. Pozar’s co-author, Igor Omerza, former deputy
mayor of Ljubljana and parliament member, found several reasons for harsh
criticism: “Melania Trump has said and written that her father was a
‘manager’; [her father owned a shop that sold car parts in Ljubljana] and her
mother a designer—this is not true; and that she graduated from the faculty of
architecture—this is not true either, she never finished university and
neither did her parents.” [https://www.thedailybeast.com/inside-the-cult-of-
melania-tru...](https://www.thedailybeast.com/inside-the-cult-of-melania-
trump)

But Paolo Zampolli turned her into some interesting business model. Not
modeling though. But a EB-1 visa for what exactly?

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lawlessone
>Actually that's a lie.

i know , i thought the author was being humorous, guess i said it wrong

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xiphias2
From reading this article it looks like a lot of American men behave
awful...so why not just treat these questions from a man as red flag?

She could just find a man from any other country (even from Finland), why is
it so important for the man to be American, if she's not going for the green
card anyways?

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Jako33
There is no mention of the "importance" for the partner to be American. The
author only describes the uneasiness that stems from the suspicion when dating
Americans. FYI, If you live abroad in a foreign country for years, it is not
uncanny to develop relationship with 'locals', as they tend to be the majority
of the people you interact with (even in a very cosmopolitan city like NYC).

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xiphias2
I see, I have never been to NYC. Usually I as a guy meet local women depending
the local male/female ratio. For example in Zurich most of the male foreigners
I know invite women from their own country to live with them, or have long
distance relationships.

But actually the foreigner gay scene there is quite big there, it's easy to
find single gay guys at parties (I have been there with a gay friend).

