
A mentalist’s guide to being happy - jcroll
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20190605-a-mentalists-guide-to-being-happy
======
Townley
Optimism is absolutely a double-edged sword. It can keep you motivated during
difficult tasks, make you a better/more positive teammate, and encourage you
to look for the better ways of doing things that optimists, by definition,
believe to exist.

On the other hand, it's also the reason behind most of my missed deadlines
("Oh yeah I can do that in a week, no problem"), burnout ("I've got nights and
weekends, I can take on this project"), and disappointing/unrealistic
projections ("I don't want to slow myself down with research, I KNOW people
are going to love this product").

In my previous role, I was paired up with a developer whose natural tendencies
were to pessimistically look upon each new feature request like a minefield.
Having someone to negate the negative aspects of my optimism was a godsend,
and we had one of the most productive working relationships I've ever had. I
would unfairly get a lot of the credit for my positive, can-do attitude, but
I've never forgotten the benefits of having a healthy dose of skepticism on a
team, nor the absolute havoc that an unchecked optimist (like myself) can
cause.

~~~
0xFACEFEED
> we had one of the most productive working relationships I've ever had

Finding a dynamic like this is a treasure.

My version of it was working with someone who had an inclination to solve all
problems on the "algorithmic level" so to speak. Every time we worked on a
feature, no matter how big, he would start with the hard CS problems and never
really leave that head space. I thought of it as a "bottom up" approach. I on
the other hand always took the "top down" approach and focused most of my
efforts on APIs and architecture.

In his view, if you don't correctly solve the "real problem" (the hard CS
problem) then everything else will fall part. If you base your architecture on
the wrong solution then your layers of abstraction won't make any sense.

In my view, you should take the naive approach with the CS problem and focus
mostly on the interface and system level architecture. If the interface and
architecture are a mess, your application is going to be a buggy mess
everywhere else too (death by a thousand cuts).

At first working together was so painful! We argued about everything. Worse,
we'd be arguing about completely different things because our points of view
were so different!

As soon as we recognized our differences we became a well oiled machine. A new
project came in, he focused in on the CS problem, I focused on the
architecture, and we'd (usually painlessly) merge our solutions.

The balance was even useful when we worked on separate projects. I knew that
if I had a very narrow complex problem then I could come to him for a
brilliant solution. He knew that if he got stuck trying to design a system
with lots of moving parts that I'd offer a solid robust and fault tolerant
systems level solution.

Ah, I miss it.

~~~
mkagenius
Industry rarely requires solving hard CS problems, can you share what kind did
you guys encounter?Most of the times its APIs and database calls, iirc.

------
mindcrime
I'm sure it can be. But right now, I DGAF. I'm tired of all the negativity and
pessimism, and would welcome a big ole healthy dose of optimism from
somewhere. Here lately it seems like everywhere you turn it's just somebody
screaming about how bad things are and complaining about something.

And yeah, the world we live in _is_ pretty fucked up in plenty of regards. But
not in every regard. And while I don't advocate going full-on nihilist,
there's something to be said for striving for a little balance, and embracing
a little bit of that "screw it, let's just dance, drink, listen to music,
fuck, do drugs, and have some FUN while we're here" mindset.

I'm reminded of a line from the Motley Crue movie, where Vince Neil says "I'm
sick and tired of not having any fun!"

Life is for the living... let's have some optimism, and have some fun. We can
save the manatees, fix the environment, etc., without being a bunch of
miserable sodding wankers in the process.

~~~
Swizec
Have you tried instagram? It seems like rule numero uno for instagram
influencers is relentless positivity

~~~
mindcrime
_Have you tried instagram?_

I have the app installed, but I never use it. I think I only installed it
because this one woman I was talking to was on there and wanted to connect
with me on there.

Maybe I should start using it more though, if what you say is true. Or maybe I
just need to curate my "friends" lists on Facebook, Twitter, etc. and cull
some of the people who are posting more negative oriented stuff...

------
beatgammit
Well sure, if you're blindly optimistic, you'll have problems.

The thing about optimism is that if you believe there is a solution, you'll
keep working until you find it. If you're pessimistic, you're more likely to
give up if there solution isn't obvious. Successful people are often
optimistic because it's useful.

Don't assume that everything will work out, assume that there are solutions to
every problem you face. Even when there aren't solutions, searching gives far
more meaning to life than complacency.

There's certainly value in stoicism, but I think optimism results in the best
quality of life. Which you choose should be based on your personality and what
brings you satisfaction (contentedness vs achievement).

~~~
xwdv
> The thing about optimism is that if you believe there is a solution, you'll
> keep working until you find it. If you're pessimistic, you're more likely to
> give up if there solution isn't obvious. Successful people are often
> optimistic because it's useful.

By now many in the HN crowd have likely spotted the survivorship bias here.
Sometimes optimistic people _will_ keep working toward a solution to a problem
until they find it, even if no actual solution can ever exist. Those are the
optimistic failures you never hear about.

Likewise, sometimes pessimists are rightfully pessimistic about something that
has no solution, and end up moving on much sooner to something better. You
rarely hear about that either.

It doesn’t matter whether you are optimistic or pessimistic, what’s important
is to be optimistic or pessimistic for the correct reasons.

~~~
adventured
> Those are the optimistic failures you never hear about.

To be fair, you hear about that exact scenario constantly on HN. It's a common
topic here. I've been reading stories about it here for the better part of a
decade now. Pretty much every thread that touches on success, failure and
survivor bias end up with discussions covering the issue of entrepreneurial
blindness due to eg over-confidence or over-optimism.

You also frequently see entire threads dedicated to the subject, spawned from
articles posted by entrepreneurs that put themselves through blind optimism
scenarios and then go on to warn against it. Knowing when to throw in the
towel, when to stop trying to pivot, and so on, are common themes with
founders. You'll run across some really good discussions on the subject here
over time.

------
formatkaka
Frankl in Man's search for meaning writes that in Nazi concentration camps
"Some men lost all hope, but it was the incorrigible optimists who were the
most irritating companions."

Seems like acc to Dr. Frankl incorrigible pessimists are better companions
than incorrigible optimists.

~~~
alexpetralia
It's literally in the exact same book that he writes that those who lost hope
died first. Hope is what keeps us going.

~~~
formatkaka
The quote I mentioned was written from a different perspective.

He is talking about his companions. If we try to understand the author's
perspective, he was somewhere between the spectrum of men who lost all hope
and incorrigible optimists.

For someone like that, I believe the incorrigible optimists would be much more
irritating. It's like, there are so many problems and instead of fighting
them, the optimists don't want to acknowledge they are there.

------
murat124
If you want to really dive into hope/optimism you should read Stanford
Encyclopedia of Philosophy's entry about Hope[1].

[https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/hope/](https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/hope/)

------
typenil
Stoic ideas have completely changed how I look at the world. Anxiety has
plummeted. Interesting to see someone I admire espousing such thinking. I
seriously doubt it'll get any traction in the current climate.

~~~
unmole
Wait, I thought stoicism was all the rage these days. Especially in the
Valley.

------
raven512
This is succinctly mentioned in Vedic Philosophy - Do your actions as a
offering, be detached from results of your action, live a life of purpose. The
battlefield discourse of Bhagavad Gita by Stephen Mitchell is a good intro.
Stoicists will find many good nuggets in the Yoga of Action discourse.

~~~
maxxxxx
Agreed. One translation I have read is "You are entitled to your actions but
not the results". I find that a great philosophy.

------
victor106
I heard this a while ago:- An eternal optimist is someone who while falling
from a 50 floor building, when he reaches the 30th floor thinks I still have
29 more floors to go.

Optimism combined with incorporating feedback from brutally honest people
works for me.

------
fastball
> radical new approach

> Stoicism

Uhm.

------
skrebbel
> _Most self-help books would suggest that you can fight life’s currents with
> determination and positive thinking._

What the..‽ Show me one. Just one.

~~~
acqq
In fact there is even a relation to the current president:

[http://inthesetimes.com/article/20736/Trump-White-House-
Self...](http://inthesetimes.com/article/20736/Trump-White-House-Self-Help-
Norman-Vincent-Peale-MAGA)

"In the president’s biography and business career, the role of positive
thinking is hiding in plain sight. From childhood on, Trump worshipped in the
temple of the movement’s prophet, Norman Vincent Peale: Manhattan’s Marble
Collegiate Church. Indeed, Peale presided over Trump’s first wedding in 1977.
Trump’s father was a die-hard adherent of Peale’s preachments, as is his
daughter Ivanka, who wrote in her 2009 self-help tract, The Trump Card, that
“perception is more important than reality” and you shouldn’t “go out of your
way to correct a false assumption if it plays to your advantage.”"

"Peale’s midcentury self-help bible, The Power of Positive Thinking, is, at
its core, a distillation of the message of the Christian faith into a series
of achievement-minded axioms. “Picturize, prayerize, actualize” was Peale’s
mantra, and he applied this simple formula to every facet of the believer’s
life—but most especially to the sphere of material advancement, which was the
surest sign of divine favor in the hermetic social world of Pealeism."

"The Power of Positive Thinking remained on the New York Times bestseller list
for 186 consecutive weeks and helped launch the modern self-help industry;
more than five million copies remain in print today. Peale’s gospel became the
success creed for a newly corporatized and prosperous American social order. "

~~~
tim333
It does help explain many of the unusual aspects of the president.

------
pbreit
There is never anything wrong with being relentlessly optimistic/positive
because not reaching your optimistic/positive objectives never matters!

Note: I did not read the article.

