

Ask HN: I don't know what to do. I'm lost. Help. - kunai

Hello HN,<p>My father was recently diagnosed with Stage II mouth cancer. It came as a shock to my entire family, especially because he doesn't drink or smoke.<p>Currently, I'm in a state of catatonia. My family and I only found out a few hours ago, and I can't concentrate. I can only think of the responsibilities I'll have to face, the disruption of my daily life, and the constant fear of relapse. I don't know what to do, what to expect, what to think.<p>All I am is blank. Please help.<p>-kunai
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kls
Keep this in mind stage 2 mouth cancer is extremely treatable and survivable.
He has an 83% chance that he will come out of this OK. The C word is a shock
but not all cancer is a death sentence. 83% odds are really good odds. I would
take them any day. Even stage 4 is nearly 50/50 for mouth cancer. This is not
lung cancer, it's not something to not take serious but remind yourself when
you start to dwell on this that this is very survivable and chances are you
father will survive this and go on to live quite a long life.

[http://www.cancer.org/cancer/oralcavityandoropharyngealcance...](http://www.cancer.org/cancer/oralcavityandoropharyngealcancer/detailedguide/oral-
cavity-and-oropharyngeal-cancer-survival-rates)

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a3n
You can't do anything in the state you're in, except process. So give yourself
some time to absorb it. Nothing can be solved at the moment. Don't expect
anything from yourself right now, just be there for your family and yourself.
Nothing has to be accomplished today or tomorrow.

Blank is natural, you'll move out of it soon enough.

We here approach most things as problems to be solved, and when we have
something that isn't solvable we don't know what to do. Eventually you'll
reach a point where paths and possibilities emerge for you and your family,
and you can start to make decisions. There's nothing to solve today, so don't
try. Let it come in the near future.

Sorry.

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gw666
I am very sorry to hear about this news, which it sounds like is hitting you
really hard. Such sudden devestations happen in every life, and I'm wondering
if this is the first time you've ever felt so threatened. If so, the first
time can feel really bad.

I'm a tech person, but I'm also a licensed therapist in California. Here,
briefly, are some things you can do. First, take care of yourself--get extra
rest, eat responsibly, etc. Second, find someone you can really talk to and
tell them what you're going through. (You might want to start by saying, "I
really need to talk right now. Could you listen without trying to fix
things?") Finally, remember that you _do_ have family around you, and if they
can, they _will_ help with whatever responsibilities need to be taken care of.

Of course (said the hammer to the nail), consider counseling. Every area has
public counseling centers that provide affordable counseling.

Take whatever I've said that helps, and ignore the rest. Good luck--you _will_
get through this.

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nglevin
Keep calm. Reach out to people, old and new. Plan, and work towards a better
tomorrow. Do not give in to fear.

Be sure to call your parents at least once a day. It makes a difference. And
remember, the best way you can help others — especially family — is to help
yourself.

I know that all may sound a bit trite, but it's how I tend to manage every
personal crisis. I'm going through a significant rough patch, right now. Can't
be paralyzed.

