
Ask HN: 42 years old and in grad school: social asset or social liability? - hx2a
In a discussion on HN I said that I’m a 42 year old grad student and people replied asking what that&#x27;s like. I&#x27;m happy to talk about that here.<p>I went to grad school 15 years ago to study math and finance &amp; earned a MS degree. I mostly worked at investment banks you’ve heard of doing quant research&#x2F;programming. I was good at it but achieved mediocre success because of bad luck and an inability to manage politics&#x2F;get promoted. Two years ago I realized how miserable I was and left. Now I’m back at school in a program focused on art and technology. My experience as a grad student is coupled with my experience leaving the finance industry.<p>I&#x27;m happy now and love my life. Other students are great and like having me around. Classes are keeping me busier than ever before. My experience coding and project managing help me get stuff done and keep stress levels low. I&#x27;m enjoying grad school more this time.<p>Within the grad-world nobody gives me a hard time about my age. However, I&#x27;ve talked to other older students who have different experiences, such as difficulty integrating into student culture or getting help from professors&#x2F;advisors.<p>Outside the grad-world things are different. People think grad school == MBA and are confused why I would leave finance to do something that does not offer the same markers of success or financial upside. Some friends are supportive but others have stopped talking to me altogether.<p>Socially it has been challenging because of the time commitment. I&#x27;m not on the same schedule as everyone else and don’t fit anyone&#x27;s model of what people do with their lives.<p>I&#x27;m curious why HN readers are curious about my experience as a student. Why is this interesting? I thought being a 42 year old student was a social liability, but lately I&#x27;ve been getting the sense that isn&#x27;t the case. Perhaps I need to present things differently when I talk to people? Or talk to different people?
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apohn
>However, I've talked to other older students who have different experiences,
such as difficulty integrating into student culture or getting help from
professors/advisors.

I used to teach at a university and I'll tell you a personality trait that
older folks had that either a) made them really valuable in class or b) made
everybody dislike them. That trait was a willingness to talk and participate
in the class.

Some were able to take their life/work experience and really help the other
people in the class see how the theory learned in class could be used in a
real job. Their class participation was useful and certainly other students
wanted to talk with them and the professor would engage with them.

Other people used their "life experience" to talk about themselves, their dog,
the kids, some tangentially related aspect of their job, etc. They perceived
themselves as contributing, but really they were just talking for the sake of
talking. Nobody wanted to engage with them. Certainly younger students don't
care about any of those things, just like older students don't care about
where the younger students hung out over the weekend. And as a professor maybe
one of those older students could become a friend, but mostly they're just
that extra-irritating person who takes up valuable time (both inside and
outside class) and seems to have no reservations about doing do.

~~~
hx2a
This is a good point. I remember when I was in grad school the first time
there was a guy in his 50s or 60s who would ask long meandering questions that
got on everybody's nerves. Nobody liked him.

In school I add value because of my programming skills. I can program better
than the other people here, so people frequently come to me asking for help
debugging their stuff.

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DoreenMichele
_Perhaps I need to present things differently when I talk to people? Or talk
to different people?_

Yes. Both.

But you also need to seek perspective. This question is an attempt to do that,
but not a great way to do so. I have a history of asking such questions in
life, and it winds up being an incredibly poor source of data or feedback.

Better to go reading up on the experiences of others, asking about the
experiences of others, talking to people who express interest, etc.

 _Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens
to you. -- Aldous Huxley_

~~~
hx2a
> Better to go reading up on the experiences of others, asking about the
> experiences of others, talking to people who express interest, etc.

True. That's what I'm doing, because a bunch of people here have expressed
interest. I am curious why people thought it was interesting.

~~~
badpun
> I am curious why people thought it was interesting.

I'm thinking it's because lots of people dream of doing a radical change in
their lives (I've read about a study that said that something like 70-80% of
people dream about it), but few actually pull the trigger. So, they want to
hear how it went for someone who actually did.

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nakedgrape
Anytime one makes an effort to become a better functioning member of society,
provided the ROI works out, s/he's making him/herself more of an asset.

>Socially it has been challenging because of the time commitment. I'm not on
the same schedule as everyone else and don’t fit anyone's model of what people
do with their lives.

I've noticed the same, though age gap is less pronounced in my case. Different
pond, different people, different conduct.

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bewe42
I believe the need (or desire) to re-invent oneself several times during a
career will become soon the norm rather than the exception. How to not make
this a social liability is a challenge ahead of all of us.

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77pt77
Thanks for writing this.

> bad luck and an inability to manage politics/get promoted

Do you think navigating politics is easier in academia than in the private
financial sector?

~~~
hx2a
You are welcome.

> Do you think navigating politics is easier in academia than in the private
> financial sector?

I assume there will be some level of politics everywhere. I have friends who
have told me sad stories about things they've seen in academia, so I know it
can get ugly there too. None that compare to what I've seen in the financial
world though. Not even close. I can't get into that stuff here though.

But more importantly, it's critical to my mental health that I leave and do
something else. So that's what I'm doing.

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sudouser
i switched careers later in life , best decision ever. go ahead and don’t give
a damn about others opinions, odd they’d stop talking to you sound jealous!

