
Being OK with not being extraordinary - tmatthe
https://www.tiffanymatthe.com/not-extraordinary
======
umvi
> Climbing to a higher vantage point can also unlock new forms of
> extraordinary that you might have never noticed before.

I read an article once about how the amount of work to get into the top tier
in a single area is astronomical, but the amount of work to become top tier in
a combination of 2-3 fields is attainable by almost anyone.

For example, becoming a top tier statistician is hard. But becoming a top tier
statistician/programmer is easier. In other words, if you can get to a state
where you know more statistics than your average programmer and more
programming than your average statistician, then suddenly you are an above-
average programmer/statistician. Keep improving those two skills and you may
start to "unlock new forms of extraordinary". Or maybe you are a music
teacher, and also pretty good at programming, and so you can make
extraordinary music teaching software that is way better than the
competition's because you understand the nuances of music teaching intimately
enough that you capture them clearly in software requirements. Or maybe you
are pretty good at art, pretty good at music composition, pretty good at
programming, pretty good at story telling (not necessarily top tier in any one
category though)... and you combine all of those skills to single-handedly
create a game that by many measures is extraordinary[0][1].

Something like that. Anyway, the point being, you may not be extraordinary in
any one field, but it isn't too hard to achieve extraordinary things due to a
combination of skills in multiple fields if you work at it.

[0] [https://undertale.com/](https://undertale.com/)

[1] [https://www.cavestory.org/](https://www.cavestory.org/)

~~~
wjossey
This is my career so far in a nutshell.

I’m an average programmer.

I’m an excellent problem solver.

I have an above average work ethic.

I’m an excellent communicator.

Basically, I combined all of these traits and found roles that leveraged these
traits to maximize my impact.

Not for nothing, but this is why my liberal arts college was profoundly
impactful for me, despite not getting a “top tier” CS education. My writing
abilities were given a shot in the arm, because I had to write so many
analysis papers for my government minor. My understanding of human behavior
was expanded by my psychology courses. My understanding of how I should never
design a UI was solidified by how poorly I did during a year of art classes.

Some days I wish I was as strong mathematically as my friends who went to MIT,
or as talented with programming languages as my friends who went to Cambridge,
but each one of us have been able to have successful careers, despite our
differences in breadth/depth.

~~~
mettamage
How do you do leverage these strengths? I have a somewhat similar profile and
I simply feel like a fish judged by its ability to climb a tree.

Yet, I:

\- Help with hiring/marketing/leading scrum sessions (when the actual scrum
master is ill)

\- Conduct pentests

\- Do the frontend and backend (what I was hired to do)

If they'd let me, I'd help with the writing efforts as well as my writing
ability is better than that of the average developer, if I have to believe my
grades on any report in any degree that I did (game studies, psychology and
CS).

~~~
wjossey
Join companies with problems worth solving, add value as quickly as possible,
and then find problems that you can tackle and start advocating to be granted
the latitude to tackle them.

Most companies and teams are thrilled to have people who proactively seek to
solve thorny issues. The difference with me is that most programmers are
attracted to solving “problems” in a code base, which might add value but have
arguable ROI. I’m rarely the person who advocates for a rewrite or tries to
push some hot new technology. I’m almost always the engineer who asks the
question “how can we apply what we’ve already written to this new sector” or
“how do we change up this experience to cut onboarding time in half” etc.

~~~
no_wizard
Better take, to add in to this:

My unique (well one of) internalized properties I have is having a keen eye
for good problem to technology fit. Steve Jobs said it best with

“start with the experience and work backwards toward the technology”

In another words, it’s extremely valuable to be able to understand when you
can re use an existing tool (in this case, existing code) to achieve the
result, which is different from trying to shoehorn your existing code to
fix/improve/add a feature to an existing problem space or product domain.

That’s the real key, to me, in a nutshell

(And why I almost never buy in on complete re writes)

~~~
collyw
My other knowledge is in biology, but bioinformatics seems to pay less than
normal software engineering.

------
thelean12
There are lots of people reacting to the extraordinary with "inspiration",
"disappointment", and "jealousy".

I'd say none of these are as useful as reacting with _curiosity_. There's an
endless amount to learn from the extraordinary in any field or sport or hobby.
It's easy to write off the extraordinary as naturally talented or lucky or
something else surface level. Most of the time it's anything but.

I play golf. It's a game that can be extraordinarily frustrating to beginners.
It often takes years of hard work to just be moderately adequate at the game.
Going into it with disappointment or jealousy of extraordinary golfers will
quickly lead them to quit as they'll be way too stressed out to enjoy the
game. Those who go into it with inspiration or admiration of those who are
better won't be able to sustain it when the inspiration burns out.

 _Curiosity_ is the only emotion I've found that is sustainable. Endless
curiosity as you try to figure out and piece together what makes someone good
at what they do. It's an emotion that sustains because it's the only emotion
that is useful both when you hit a bad shot and when you hit a good shot. It's
useful both when you watch someone who is worse than you, and when you watch
someone who is better than you.

~~~
PaulStatezny
Disclaimer: I ask this to explore the truth in your comment, not to be
pedantic about your choice of terms.

> Curiosity is the only emotion I've found that's sustainable.

It jumped out at me that curiosity technically isn't an emotion, but might be
better labeled a state of mind. So the natural follow-up question for me is:
What are some ways to help oneself get in that state of mind?

The professor that taught my "logic" class in college would say that feelings
and actions come about as a result of _beliefs_. So what kinds of beliefs lead
to feeling inspired/disappointed/jealous? And in contrast, what kinds of
beliefs tend to lead one to curiosity?

~~~
thelean12
Emotion, reaction, state of mind, whatever floats your boat. I think I got my
point across.

As for how to get into the curiosity mindset, and how to push away the other
states of mind, I don't have a full answer for you. My personal strategies
stem from a somewhat related area of study: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I'm
able to push away the negative thoughts like disappointment/jealousy/anger and
substitute it with curiosity. I don't necessarily find inspiration or other
"positive" states of mind something I need to push away, I'm just aware that
it's fleeting.

------
ErikAugust
“Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life
is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is
really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much
as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don't think about what
you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with
other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all.” ―
Richard P. Feynman

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” \- Teddy Roosevelt

To me, "extraordinary" is a state of being rather than doing. Don't worry
about what you want to be, but just what you want to do. Do things and be
alive in the experience, and stop worrying so much about how you stack up
against others. You're all going to die, live while you can.

~~~
WhompingWindows
It's too easy for rich successful people who have made it to declare that you
should follow your passion. We wouldn't hear a quote from the dozens of
lesser-known physicists who struggled and wouldn't recommend the field, we
just hear the quote from Feynman who was the lucky one.

For instance, I love painting and woodworking, but I suffer no illusions that
I would do "well" in those fields, as even far more talented and experienced
individuals that I know in those fields are struggling mightily and envy my
hobbyist status.

~~~
ErikAugust
They clearly aren't struggling if you think they are far more talented. They
are just struggling _financially_. Which is what all these hang-ups are about,
including your own.

~~~
irishloop
It's not a hang up if you can't pay your bills or afford to take a vacation
once in a while. Mazlow's Hierarchy of Needs does require us to meet some
basic needs regardless of our passions.

Even if you are an extraordinary woodworker, if you can barely meet rent, you
are unlikely to find any happiness due to the stress you will need to manage
day-to-day.

------
rvn1045
The internet has made everyone feel inadequate as it's easy to compare
yourself to people you see on the internet. Couple of things to keep in mind
if your comparing yourself:

1\. There aren't as many uber successful people out there as the internet
makes it seem. It's far fewer than you think. Lets take a simple example of
dudes who go to the gym and are strong. Instagram makes it seem like all dudes
bench press 400 lbs and have a 6 pack. In my 15 years of going to the gym (ive
been to several dozen all across the world) there are less than 5 people I've
personally seen who've bench pressed even 300 lbs. Apply this to any field and
it's going to be true.If you take programming for instance I'm yet to meet a
person who's performing at the standard I had set for myself (become a 10x
programmer).

2\. Lots of people are really good at marketing themselves, which inflates the
number of people you think are extraordinary.

There aren't that many people at the world class level, the internet makes it
seem there are more of these than there are. Just relax and do the things you
enjoy.

~~~
nicbou
University also taught me that some people are genuinely better than me. I'm a
much happier person since I learned to let it be so.

~~~
anonytrary
University taught me that I was better than everyone, and then real life
taught me that I was just another smart idiot with a lot to learn. The problem
is that universities don't really prepare you for living your best life.

------
pmohun
I wrote this for myself when considering a big career move a few years ago:

It’s easy to focus on the next promotion or the completion of a big project
that will elevate your career.

By succumbing to the natural instinct of mimicry, we rarely ask ourselves the
question: are we climbing the right hill?

In this analogy, the hills represent any long-term goal: career, fulfillment,
financial security. Our natural instinct is to walk upward, chasing the next
promotion or job opportunity. However, we lose the virtue of randomness by
doing this. If your only benchmark is the hill you’ve always known, you have
no way to gauge its relative steepness. It’s a good way to reach a local
maxima, but not necessarily the best long-term option.

Instead, I allow myself to explore other options, even if it seems “downhill”.
For naturally ambitious people, it can seem downright impossible to avoid this
instinct. It’s hard, and often feels unnatural. However, the perspective
gained from these excursions improves my mental map and I’m able to learn what
lies on other hills. Taking this mindset means letting go of the mimetic
behavior that leads to jealousy or comparison.

After all, why should it matter if someone else is higher? Your peak is
somewhere else entirely.

[https://sundayscaries.substack.com/p/climbing-the-right-
hill...](https://sundayscaries.substack.com/p/climbing-the-right-hill-)

~~~
rochak
That’s an amazing viewpoint. Thanks for sharing. It inspired me to change my
mindset.

------
tomcam
I’ve made well into eight figures by taking almost the opposite approach. As a
kid, all I wanted to do was get the fuck out of my unsafe neighborhood and
never go back. When I was young I read a lot of biographies of successful
people. What I got out of it was that they just worked a lot harder than most,
and failed more than most.

Later I observed that there were people dumber than I was with better jobs
than I had, and I took that as a positive sign. It meant that just by working
hard, I could get those jobs too.

And one thing reading all those biographies told me was that many of these
ultra-accomplished people paid a heavy price, usually in their personal lives.
I decided I would rather be a happy millionaire with a family than an unhappy
billionaire with two or three ex-wives.

I taught myself how to program, took some writing classes in a junior college,
and taught myself business and investing by doing dry runs on paper. The kinds
of programming I did were fairly challenging, because as a person without a
degree I knew I would have to work harder than people who had one. I also
stuck to programming that I liked, but that also had a likely long commercial
future.

Eventually I was able to parlay all of this into what this website calls a
“lifestyle business“, one that has let me stay home and raise children while
still earning a great living over the last few decades. I have hit a fair
number of singles and doubles, plus a triple or two. At my age now I’m not
going to make a billion, But I own a couple of houses outright, have a
retirement fund that can help support very high medical bills for medically
fragile family members, and I can take care of my handicapped kid until I die.

All of this came from keeping my expectations lower than the author’s. I was
thinking not in terms of what I “should“ be able to accomplish, but what I
could accomplish if I worked hard and smart.

~~~
ngngngng
I have a similar background, but right now I'm just taking a salary as a
software engineer and looking to expand that. Have you written more about your
path so someone like me could learn from it?

~~~
tomcam
Talked about it a few years ago on Reddit. Feel free to check my profile to
contact me. I love talking business.

[https://np.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/3gbx78/til_th...](https://np.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/3gbx78/til_that_the_founder_of_esnipe_a_website_that/ctxadbl/?context=3)

[https://np.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/3gbx78/til_th...](https://np.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/3gbx78/til_that_the_founder_of_esnipe_a_website_that/ctxlaji/)

------
thisistheend123
Maybe this is offtopic, but I made my peace with this kind of anxiety once I
met, interacted and worked with people who were really very very good at what
they do.

I let me ego go.

It's ok to be normal. And it's ok to get to learn from the masters.

I once read a O Henry short story where the three main characters are at
different places in society financially and in terms of power. But they still
found some meaning when they accidentally meet each other during the course of
the story.

Their relative stature and standing in the world didn't affect what they
thought of each other when they met.

It was kind of an uncanny, uplifting little story. Don't remember its name
though.

~~~
qwertygnu
Is this the story you're referring to?
[https://americanliterature.com/author/o-henry/short-
story/th...](https://americanliterature.com/author/o-henry/short-story/the-
man-higher-up)

------
ARandomerDude
> Extraordinary also comes in many forms, and its value does not have to be
> measured in terms of money.

Great point though underdeveloped in the article. Clocking out at 5 so you can
spend time with a healthy, happy, well-adjusted, loving family is pretty
extraordinary these days.

~~~
heleninboodler
For what it's worth, you may have a heavily skewed view of what's
extraordinary "these days." There are lots of tech companies that are mature
enough to not flog their people to death. Companies with strong engineering
cultures that also highly value _seasoned_ developers tend to be this way.
Where I work, the office is (well, _was_ pre-covid) pretty empty by 5:30.

~~~
cyberpunk
There are two sides to this coin; sometimes some late hours are unavoidable --
I don't blame my employer for it, they're not forcing me to work these hours
at all, but I think if you're a professional you can't avoid such
circumstances sometimes and that's why we get $megabucks right?

The right mix for me is working like a daemon about 9 months a year then
having 3 months off, but YMMV..

~~~
bluGill
I find most people working those long hours to save the day could have
designed a better solution up front and not needed those late hours at the
last minute. Not always, but often they should have known and fixed the
problem long before then.

~~~
heleninboodler
I think it sometimes comes down to a matter of choice in working styles. Some
people thrive on killing themselves at times. I've been there. I will still
occasionally pull a late-nighter because I get in "the zone" and am actually
enjoying the productivity and I still get the condescending comments about how
if you planned properly, that wouldn't be necessary, but I think that some
people just don't get that working like that can actually be very gratifying.
I'm getting a bit old for doing it more than about once a quarter, though,
whereas I used to do it a couple times a week.

------
neutronicus
I appreciate what you wrote, OP - moderating my ambition is both essential to
my mental health and an ongoing process. I do not exaggerate when I say that
in my case I believe the stakes are life and death.

One thing that has helped me a lot to find peace here has been becoming a
father. Culturally, it comes with a kind of license to finally just accept
mediocrity which I find freeing. Bills are paid, I can watch my son grow up,
doesn't matter than I'm not the best at anything.

~~~
tmatthe
It's nice to hear that you've found some peace! There's no point in being the
best if you will crash and burn quickly.

------
luplex
Archive.org cache:
[http://web.archive.org/web/20200824155533/https://www.tiffan...](http://web.archive.org/web/20200824155533/https://www.tiffanymatthe.com/not-
extraordinary/)

------
SCAQTony
Extraordinary is boring. If one wants to draw as good as Michelangelo
Buonarroti, or play the alto sax technically as well as Charlie Parker, one
has to put in the hours. Imagine only having one interest? Example:
Michelangelo and Charlie practiced or executed their craft incessantly.

"In an interview with Paul Desmond, Parker said that he spent three to four
years practicing up to 15 hours a day."

"If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so
wonderful at all." ~ Michelangelo

I argue that one is more employable, more accomplished and has more
opportunities if one is average, or above average, in five separate
disciplines. Has more diverse friendships too.

~~~
lowiqengineer
I don’t really want to be Charlie Parker extraordinary, I just want to be
Harvard CS major who makes $500k as a T5 at Google extraordinary. I assure
you, that person has more diverse friendships and more leisure time than I do.

~~~
realbarack
Note that "that person" is not actually a specific person, but merely your
image of one.

~~~
lowiqengineer
I mean I can probably go on LinkedIn right now and find someone that fits
these loose criteria. They’re fairly common!

~~~
ZephyrBlu
If your definition of "fairly common" is something like a ~1% chance, then
sure.

~~~
RussianCow
Certainly more common than Michelangelo-level artists! I think the OP's point
was that you don't need to be the absolute best in your field, or even that
close, to be rewarded handsomely.

~~~
SCAQTony
There are artist all over instagram that can do anatomy better than
Michelangelo. In fact Michelangelo never painted a portrait because he
couldn't do it. Leonardo could but Leonardo could not sculpt.

------
ZainRiz
> creators can get just as much value out of creating their original content
> and connecting with like-minded people.

Strong resonance here. I recently became more prolific about blogging, and
this was the mindset that helps me stay consistent. I find that the mere act
of writing an essay helps me clarify my own thoughts, and the essay often
changes in the process.

As a recent example, I started writing out about how I struggled and got over
impostor syndrome. But while writing it I realized: wait, I never actually get
over it. Rather, I learned how to use it to my advantage [1]

How to do that became the message of the article.

If my writing never brings fame, I won’t care. It helped me understand myself
and it will help me better advise the people I care about

[1] [https://www.zainrizvi.io/blog/the-impostors-
advantage/](https://www.zainrizvi.io/blog/the-impostors-advantage/)

~~~
KallDrexx
This is the reason I started working towards getting better a note taking.
Describing what I'm learning in my own words may help me retain the
information better.

I don't publish it because I don't know anyone cares but I feel like it helps
myself regardless, and keeping them searchable seems like it should pay off at
some point.

~~~
O_H_E
Any notes :) or resources on note-taking you can share? I am currently
studying and have been struggling in that area.

~~~
ZainRiz
I've written an article comparing a couple of the more popular note taking
strategies. It was even on the HN front page 13 hours ago :)

[https://www.zainrizvi.io/blog/remembering-what-you-read-
zett...](https://www.zainrizvi.io/blog/remembering-what-you-read-zettelkasten-
vs-para/)

HN link:
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24251068#24262190](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24251068#24262190)

~~~
O_H_E
Thanks for linking. The amount of content on here is astronomical, it is
impossible to keep up with things you care about and have a healthy life.

------
aeturnum
As I have gotten older, one of the things I have come to understand is that
the people who are leading figures in fields of human effort are just wired
differently. We might describe them as "devoting" their entire lives to those
fields, but "devoting" isn't the right word. It's not that they "work harder"
or "put in more hours," it's that they experience every thing in their lives
through the prism of their "chosen" field. They can't help but think of
physics or art or design when they encounter any thing. It's not rational or
intentional exactly (though they certainly aren't trying to change themselves)
- it's about being oriented towards something in a pure way. Even the idea of
"choosing" a field is deceptive, because there is some level of natural
inclination that's required to be influential at a high level.

What I mean is that I think people are barking up the wrong tree when they
talk about "working towards being the best." We can all work harder, and I
think we should all consider doing so, but no amount of working harder will
let you see every experience as a lesson in physics. Those kinds of holistic
engagement in a subject come from someplace other than exercises of self
control and are, I think, probably pretty harmful to the overall well being of
the person involved.

I'm happy that I can put work down at the end of the day, and the people in my
life are happy that I can too.

~~~
ativzzz
Agreed, I've met one of these people and discussed this trait with them. He
described it as an obsession, something resembling OCD that he was literally
unable to function, or would go crazy, if he didn't sit down and do the work
his brain was forcing him to do.

Before we talked, I was jealous of such people. Now, I consider myself lucky
to be free from that burden. Life is all about tradeoffs, nothing is given
without taking something else away.

------
jennasys
I agree with the premise here in general. There have certainly been times when
I've wanted to accomplish something, but then I see someone else being
exceptional at that task and I stop wanting to do it because I know I'll never
be that good at it.

When you see someone doing something you do or want to do, and they are
exceptional at it, it either becomes inspirational or discouraging based on
just how extraordinary it is and how emotionally attached you are to the
subject. If you are emotionally committed to it, seeing someone else doing it
well will likely be inspirational. If not, you're more likely to give up
before you even start.

~~~
hrnnnnnn
What can help here is to understand that you'll never be able to do it exactly
like the person you're comparing yourself to because you are not them.

Conversely, no one else will be able to do it exactly like you. So figure out
what it is about how you do it that's uniquely you and try to develop that.

~~~
hinkley
Even in a professional setting, it's important to remember this and not give
up.

Even a person with outsize presence in your field, they can't be everywhere at
once. So their rates climb and climb and the size of their projects increases
to try accomplish more in the time available. They also literally don't have
time for people arguing with their vision.

There are a lot of people that could never be their customers, but could
easily be yours, and nobody's perfect. Trying to get skilled at things they
overlook will make you your own person.

------
m0zg
Just work in a couple of prominent research labs, like I did. You'll be
quickly disabused of the notion that you're in any way "extraordinary". At
best you can say that you know more than other people in your particular
niche. But then you have to concede that other people know more than you do in
their niche. There are, however, real freaks out there who know more than you
in any niche they decide they need to know something in. What takes you year
takes them hours. What takes you hours takes no effort at all - it's
immediately obvious. Some of them are humble about this, some aren't humble at
all. It can be fascinating or demoralizing, depending on how attached you are
to the false notion of your "extraordinarity". Unfortunately for humanity
there are only very few of such people. I can't help but think that this is
how human mind is supposed to be, and the rest of us are just deficient.

~~~
lowiqengineer
I know I’m not anywhere close to extraordinary, but it still makes my heart
ache seeing someone with a Google or MIT hoodie or a RocksDB jacket on my
evening walk.

I’ll settle for being considered more than just a mental defective just
because I work at Amazon.

~~~
m0zg
You'd probably have a heart attack if you knew what I worked on. And yet, I
know full well I'm just average, and it doesn't bother me anymore.

------
pgcj_poster
If you're a 1 in 100 type, you've likely had feeling that because you're more
capable than literally almost everyone, you should be achieving things more
like the people you read about in books or online. But unless you've read 80
million biographies, those people are _not_ 1 in a 100. They're more like 1 in
million. And once you reach the truly great, like Einstein, then it's 1 in a
billion (or more).

You are not 1 in a billion. You may very well be 1 in 100, though. And that's
still pretty incredible. Take, for example the author of this article. She
might think that she's not extraordinary because she's not an Einstein, or
whatever. However, she works somewhere called "the Quantum Matter Institute"
\-- that's something that 99% of people probably could not accomplish. So
honestly I would be surprised if most people who knew her _didn 't_ think that
she was extraordinary.

~~~
ZephyrBlu
> You may very well be 1 in 100, though. And that's still pretty incredible

Is it though? There are 7 billion people on the planet, 1/100 is means you're
1 of 70,000,000 people in that group.

It's odd. Being 1/100 in your day to day life means people probably think
you're quite smart, but on a global scale it's quite depressing.

------
qrybam
Personal anecdote - I became very good at one activity early on in life. This
was at the expense of other things such as education and a social life. The
dedication required to reach a high level of skill, and the journey overall
was great fun and taught me a lot about what it takes to reach the top.

What impact has this had on me? It opened a lot of doors for me early on.
Ultimately I faced a decision, do I pursue a single thing to its sharpest
point, or do I widen my range and create my own category to become sharp in?

There is something deeply rewarding in being a master of one trade. But
becoming a jack of all trades offers a different kind of reward which I feel
is more sustainable (at least in my case).

I have a deep affinity towards people who have pushed the boundaries in some
area of their life, and feel very lucky to have experienced the same.

Which path would I pick? Jack of all.

~~~
ZephyrBlu
I think there is something to be said about being a master in something
_before_ becoming a jack of all trades.

It seems to me that like you said, dedicating yourself to something can open a
lot of doors. More than if you had become above average at multiple things.

------
lloyddobbler
See also: _The Infinite Game_ by Simon Sinek. Great read (based on a previous
work, _Finite and Infinite Games_ by James Carse) on the need to play on a
different playing field than the one that supposedly has a 'winner' and a
'loser.' Applies to companies, individuals, organizations, relationships...you
get the idea.

To beat a dead analogy, if you're climbing to reach the top 'ledge' you
started out looking for, you might not start...or you might climb with such a
singular focus that you miss another path that would take you off to the side
and up another, higher route.

 _Edited for formatting._

~~~
louwrentius
I don’t think people should take anything from Simon Sinek. His presentation
skills are great I must admit.

~~~
eggsbenedict
So, as of this comment, all I know is that Simon Sinek has a book called The
Infinite Game. This book has an interesting premise, about which I just read a
short writeup and analysis. I have also been told that Sinek has excellent
presentation skills.

Strangely, in the middle of these two comments, I was told that people should
not take anything from Simon Sinek. Why?

~~~
faichai
He has a tendency to substantiate his views with bad takes on science.

------
bradlys
I think it's important to also reframe what extraordinary even means. Many
people are comparing themselves to the most privileged of backgrounds - where
they were at the top from birth and only had to get a bit higher. I'm
considered extraordinary in comparison to the place I grew up - just because
of my background and where I am now.

On top of this - I am wary of being singly great at something. Living in
Silicon Valley has reinforced this hard. I'm obviously comparing myself
(unfairly) to people who are incredibly well compensated, maybe with some
bullshit job title, and so forth. I've learned that - usually - those people
are fucking terrible at everything else but that one thing they do. (Sometimes
I'm not even sure what that one they do good at is - kiss ass?) I'm talking
_really_ bad at everything else. They might be an excellent programmer and
think up some fancy architecture or whatever - but they don't know how to
install an app and follow some directions of their phone without some hand
holding. Could they even build a computer from parts? Nah. Change oil in their
car? It ain't happening in a million years. COOK!? Sorry - I only order out,
my nanny cooks for the family, eat company food, or put pizza rolls in the
oven. Take care of my kids and be an inspiring role model?! No - no, sorry, I
didn't sign up for that... I had kids because I was bored after my second
startup. Children aren't my passion!

Extraordinary usually requires compromise and I'm not one to compromise. I
tend to look at things a bit like: I could be first place in one thing or 2nd
in everything.

~~~
shoes_for_thee
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a
hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a
wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act
alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a
computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization
is for insects.”

Robert A. Heinlein

~~~
ZephyrBlu
I would love to be able to do all those things. However, time is finite and so
it's inevitable that you have to sacrifice some things.

~~~
shoes_for_thee
Yeah, I don't know how to change a diaper.

------
jcadam
I'm the most extraordinary software engineer in my office. I mean, it's my
home office, but that still counts, right?

~~~
sethammons
I dunno, you sound kind of average for the folks in your office.

~~~
bitxbitxbitcoin
It also seems like he's the least extraordinary software engineer in his
office. The things you can do when you control the sample size.

------
EGreg
Can we feel the same about our relationships?

Many people search for years for “the one” and an amazing connection, then
settle for someone they can tolerate, and it turns out they have a good
marriage and children and a lot of shared adventures. Looking back on it...
would you say it’s better to have spent decades searching for Mr/Ms Right, or
married the one right now you can make a life with?

------
daxfohl
I tried this for a few months after a few big projects didn't pan out. Tried
forcing myself to focus only on the things in front of me, without allowing my
mind to wander toward ideas for future grandeur. For me, that experience was
horrible.

I've got to have something big in the pipeline in order to feel a purpose in
life. Otherwise it is just a bunch of work with no point.

Maybe that's not the point that this article is trying to make. Maybe it's
saying to be okay with not having already achieved greatness, or to be okay
with the potential of never achieving greatness. Both of these are fine. Or to
base your metric of greatness on someone else's who is unequivocally better at
that measure than you are. You definitely don't want to do that. But I think
it's a mistake to pigeonhole yourself as a person who absolutely cannot
achieve greatness. You have to try.

------
ChrisMarshallNY
Thanks for sharing that.

In my experience, a lot of what we perceive as "extraordinary," is actually
marketing. Some people are extraordinary self-promoters. It seems that every
other person I see on LinkedIn announces that they are a "polymath."

Many of these folks are, in fact, really brilliant/creative/hard-
working/whatever, but I have known folks that no one notices, that absolutely
blow me away in their products and skills. No one notices them, because they
don't stand around with megaphones.

They're too busy being extraordinary.

For me, I'm pretty good at what I do. Am I "extraordinary"? I don't really
care. There's always some kid in a Hanoi Internet cafe that can shred my best,
so I need to be happy with what I can do.

------
TwelveNights
Looking at extraordinary people can be both encouraging and disheartening.
I've always wanted to practice drawing after seeing all the incredible things
that extraordinary people can make. However, the more you dig into something,
the more that chasm between you and the peak seems to widen.

The one point I appreciate about this article is how it points out that there
are physical constraints that come with being extraordinary. With the example
of drawing, reaching a higher level of understanding could be possible with
more time dedication, though I personally may want to use my time for other
purposes.

------
chasd00
Given the massive variation and diversity in humanity, to have a problem with
not being extraordinary is like having a problem with existence itself.

When I think of extraordinary people i think of names like DaVinci. I'm
perfectly happy not being on that level, i would be forever miserable
otherwise.

Maybe i lack the intelligence to see my own short comings but at 44 i'm pretty
sure I am who I'm going to be. I feel pretty ok about it. I don't have a
Porsche GT3 in the garage and my name isn't on/in any books but it turned out
not having those things aren't that big of a problem.

~~~
non-entity
> is like having a problem with existence itself.

To be fair, I'm sure there are more than a few people who feel like this.

------
MaximumYComb
I feel there is a common trait of extraordinary people that anyone can develop
and it pays dividends. That trait is industriousness. When you listen to
interviews from successful people like Elon Musk all the way through to Arnold
Schwarzenegger, they all talk about working hard.

Terry Toa almost failed the general exams at Princeton due to slacking off,
and it was a valuable lesson for him. I don't care how gifted you are, you
won't reach the top without working harder than others.

~~~
ck425
I call bullshit on the idea that industriousness is entirely learned. You can
definitely improve it but research shows a significant part of it is genetic.

~~~
adnzzzzZ
Personality traits account for something like 5% of the variance when it comes
to life outcomes. Their usefulness comes from mostly analyzing huge groups of
people and their differences in behavior than to be used as an individual
measure. Most people can become significantly more or less industrious if they
try. The same goes for other traits. In fact, I would say that part of your
experience in life is nudging yourself more to the opposite side of what
you're genetically given, i.e. if you're too industrious and too disagreeable,
learn to be less (it's not so good to be hyper-competitive and hyper-focused
all the time).

------
Animats
_We need to redefine extraordinary._

Or, if you can't win, move the finish line.

~~~
sixstringtheory
I think they should've written this line as "don't be afraid to reevaluate
your understanding of extraordinary" as it's pretty clear that's what they're
doing in the article. This statement followed statements like "extraordinary
as I perceived it" and "I feel disappointed, jealous."

------
anticsapp
backup as the site is down:
[https://archive.vn/DGhBi](https://archive.vn/DGhBi)

This tweet bubbled up this weekend and it touched me:
[https://twitter.com/ambernoelle/status/1297191195584663554](https://twitter.com/ambernoelle/status/1297191195584663554)

------
mfer
extraordinary is "Beyond what is ordinary or usual."

This word brings about three thoughts...

1\. What is beyond ordinary? Who sets the direction? If it's more technical
work, more creating, or more money... who sets that as a good or useful
direction?

For example, a software developer who is ordinary as a developer but guides
their children well could be extraordinary in that aspect. It may not make a
list on the Internet but it is extremely valuable to people that (I assume)
the software developer cares about.

Who is setting the direction for extraordinary we should care about?

2\. Ordinary is normal. If everyone becomes extraordinary that because the new
normal. The target is constantly moving.

3\. Why does being extraordinary matter? Consider it for a moment. Should the
goal to be contentment, happiness, or something else? Who is even setting the
goal of being extraordinary anyway? Why would it make your (or my) life a good
life?

------
jackcosgrove
> But real extraordinary is nothing like this. Yes, it's exciting, but it also
> comes with sacrifices, limitations, and constraints.

Being extraordinary is a public label, and with that comes a target on your
back.

If your measures of success are internal you can be happy with your
achievements as well as maintain some privacy.

------
richard_g
I used to struggle with this. It seemed like the first few steps of anything I
could do would never measure up to these accomplishments that I saw from
others.

Then I realized that even being willing to take those steps is extraordinary
-- because it's not that common. Being willing to try and fail is
extraordinary. Doing hard work without a guaranteed outcome is extraordinary.
Realizing that you've been doing something ineffective and you need to change
is extraordinary.

And if you consistently do at least some of those, then one day you may hit
those extraordinary results when you least expect it. Even if you don't, you
have had extraordinary experiences along the way. That's worth something.

------
nserrino
A fixation on being extraordinary tends to indicate too much self absorption
and a lack of perspective. It seems like another antidote is focusing more on
the impact you want to have on the world and those around you, even if no one
ever knew about it.

------
cmrdporcupine
Just reminds me that it's perf deadline day @ Google. You know, the company
with all the supposedly most extraordinary people.

Worst day (well, days) of the year. Even worse this year with the weird
situation we're all in.

------
api
There are over 7 billion people on Earth. You aren't extraordinary, so you're
going to have to get used to it. If you think you are you're probably either
in a small pond or not paying attention.

------
danielrk
I am grateful that exceptionally capable people exist in the world. I find
them incredibly motivating because their successes keep elevating the lower
bound of collective human potential and set a known standard for what’s
possible. I find that ignoring the bar for success (at whatever level one
strives for) sets you up psychologically to justify mediocre efforts, when in
fact most humans have incredible potential. I find that envy is a separate
issue that can be managed by thinking carefully about choosing the right role
models.

------
kumarvvr
There has to be a change in culture, where a sense of duty, persistance,
consistency and reliability should be encouraged and taught, over being
'clever' or 'genius'.

Anyone can develop the former qualities, bit the latter qualities are more
difficult and rare, in the sense that the amount of work required to reach a
genius level in any field is tremendous.

Perhaps its the fault of todays startup culture, where everyone is expected to
have a breakthrough workaholic temperment.

------
blindm
A great article. There is a German-derived word to describe a so called
extraordinary person:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%9Cbermensch](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%9Cbermensch)

Also worth reading:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Man_theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Man_theory)

------
kerabatsos
I look at this in terms of the sport of distance running. I was a fairly
accomplished runner, but I could only see who was a better runner - not those
who were not. It's a matter of perspective. The top tier marathoners all faced
faster runners in front of them - all of them, at some point. So I guess my
point is that what constitutes extraordinary is often subjective.

------
greentimer
By the principle of Pyrrhonism, it's better to do as little as possible rather
than try to accomplish a lot. Your brain could be damaged / controlled in a
way that prevents you both from seeing the damage / control as well as other
errors in your thinking. In a world with unbounded uncertainty on your own
thoughts, it's best to do next to nothing.

------
tonymet
Being mediocre is a perfectly healthy aspiration.

------
audiometry
The two heuristics I use for this difficulty: 1) Recognizing "Comparison is
the thief of happiness" 2) Recognizing that the internet burnishes these
peoples' successes and hides their difficulties and shortcomings and
suffering.

I don't see the full picture, and looking at the picture wouldn't make me
happier anyway.

------
Minor49er
I'd like to mention the book "Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life" by
Adam Phillips which carries a similar sentiment. It might be worth checking
out if anyone regularly feels anxiety or frustration about where they are in
life when they could just as easily feel satisfaction instead.

------
classified
This is hilarious. One article about not being extraordinary, and most
commenters explaining exactly how extraordinary they are. Being extraordinary
seems to be the most ordinary thing after all.

------
kirso
Mark Manson actually wrote a great article on this: In defense of being
average => [https://markmanson.net/being-
average](https://markmanson.net/being-average)

------
jarbus
Something I've struggled with for a long time is finding the point of trying
when people better than you have failed. The only answer I could come up with
is because "you aren't them." Going for my PhD in AI, going to give it my all,
and see what I can do.

------
icedchocolate
Feels like the author is catching on to the realisations outlined here:

[https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-
are-...](https://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-yuppies-are-
unhappy.html)

------
prvc
Most people are not extraordinary, by definition. I have never detected any
cultural message which states that everyone ought to be extraordinary in order
to be worthwhile. The opposite seems to be valourised, in this cultural
moment, in my observation.

------
hellweaver666
One of my favourite books is "small giants, companies that chose to be great
instead of Big".

I wish more companies were ok with just being really good at what they do and
focused on that instead of how to get the big pay day and the fuck you money.

------
pombrand
I think there's something to be said for being a specialized generalist.

Being a true jack of all trades can mean you're mediocre at everything, it's
better IMO to specialize on certain skills within different fields - ideally
ones that synergize.

------
lowiqengineer
I fully relate to this, but the worst part is being judged as being defective
and unsophisticated by the extraordinary people that I surround myself with.
It feels like I've already failed at life most days.

------
jeandejean
Very refreshing and inspiring. Reminds me of that well known quote: "done is
better than perfect". It could be rephrased as "good is better than
extraordinary" to summarize that post.

------
hoseja
>No one starts off as extraordinary

Huh? I challenge you to remove from that list of overachievers all the people
who had rich, smart, supportive parents. I think you will find it considerably
shrunken.

------
sebringj
ability = hours * talent^2 where average talent is 1

Having an ego is just wasted energy, try to be happy with what you can achieve
because you cannot control talent, just hours.

------
known
"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a
tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid" \--Einstein

------
sigalor
Well, this article is certainly lovely, but does no one else think that this
has been written by GPT-3? Did just I become a hopeless sceptic?

------
scott31
This is also the motto of Golang, which is also the reasons it is one of the
most practical programming language out there for getting stuff done.

------
naveen99
just imagine something you want to happen or exist, then make it happen or
make it exist. ordinariness is irrelevant.

Having a goal that’s only “being better than someone else” is silly unless you
are in a formally competitive situation. Doesn’t make much sense as a life
goal.

Chose a concrete goal that doesn’t shift arbitrarily on what other people have
done.

------
wombatmobile
"There is a real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between
mediocrity and accomplishment."

\- Norman Vincent Peale

------
every
I like to think of myself having an extraordinary mix of mediocre talents and
profound shortcomings...

------
tonymet
It's ok to aspire to mediocrity

~~~
JohnBooty
I'm not 100% sure you're being literal but I agree with this statement when
taken at face value.

Being "extraordinary" often means you're just making somebody else richer.
There are some objectively extraordinary folks working at e.g. Facebook, but
what does that really gain them? What has that given the world? It's a mixed
bag, to put it mildly.

Probably the only real reason to strive for being "extraordinary" at your
career so that you can stop working for other people, or if the craft itself
brings you more joy than anything else in life.

~~~
tonymet
I think it's unfair that "mediocre" is seen as a bad word. We have so many
things to do, I think it's perfectly good to be mediocre in many ways. We're
competing on a global scale, it's impossible to be exceptional on many
dimensions.

I'd like to encourage more people to be happy being mediocre.

~~~
JohnBooty
It's also true that even a "mediocre" engineer is elite in many ways - they
are "mediocre" compared to all the other folks who managed to carve out a
sustained engineering career. However, even somebody in the middle of that
group has elite engineering skill relative to the population at large.

This is true of many careers, of course!

I always feel bad for the professional athletes who "suck." It's kind of
hilarious -- even the "worst" professional athlete in a given professional
sports league is actually an extremely elite specimen, with only a tiny
fraction of all athletes even being able to make it into such a league.

~~~
tonymet
When i first joined my cycling club, i was dead last every ride. Even then i
used to say "i'm faster than all the blokes who were too lazy to get out of
bed". Slowly i got a bit better. Reminding my self of that was a great
motivator.

~~~
JohnBooty
Hah! I do the same with tennis. I'm not very good, but you know... I can do
some decent things out there sometimes, and I'm proud I took up the game in my
40s after so many of my peers have totally given up on such things.

I'm also blind in one eye. Probably not a lot of people out there playing
tennis with just one good eye. Perhaps I actually am "elite" in terms of half-
blind, middle-aged, overweight, novice tennis players.

------
gojomo
10y ago, I posted some similar thoughts about how reading HN risks
demotivation via a memetic mechanism similar to the 'negative allelopathy' in
biological systems:
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1537692](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1537692)

Reproduced here, as it's just as relevant, or moreso, today:

 _I fear that what you 're feeling is a dark side of the net's otherwise
positive aspects. (It's not just HN.)

The net lets us see all the great output from the most talented writers,
thinkers, doers of their fields -- including people who we could imagine to be
our peer group. But what we see is not an accurate sample -- it's dominated by
the most remarkable, outliers by both skill and luck. (That is, there's
massive survivorship bias; see Taleb's Fooled by Randomness.) Still, if we
choose to look, it's in our face every hour of every day, in our news feeds,
our Twitter streams, our Facebook statuses.

(Compare also: the quality of social networks whereby for almost everyone,
your friends will have more friends than you [1]; the Matthew Effect, whereby
small changes in initial endowment of power/fame/success can compound [2]; and
how viewing top athletes can actually decrease someone's coordination in
following challenges [3].)

In the plant and insect world, sometimes as one organism thrives, it sends off
chemical signals that suppress the growth of its siblings/peers/neighbors, in
an effect called allelopathy.

Information about others' great works and successes, transmitted by the net,
may sometimes serve as a sort of memetic negative allelopathy. The message is:
this territory is taken; you can't reach the sunshine here; try another
place/strategy (or even just wither so your distant relatives can thrive).
This can be be the subtext even if that's not the conscious intent of those
relaying the information. Indeed, the reports may be intended as motivational,
and sometimes be, while at other times being discouraging.

What to do? Not yet certain, but awareness that this mechanism is in play may
help. You can recognize that what you're reading is not representative, and
that comparing yourself against prominent outliers -- or even worse, vague
composites of outliers who are each the best in one dimension -- is
unrealistic and mentally unhealthy.

Actual progress for yourself may require detaching from the firehose a bit,
picking a narrower focus. (HN's eclectic topic matter can be inherently
defocusing.)

And remind yourself that despite various reptilian-hindbrain impulses, most
interesting creative activity today is far from zero-sum. The outliers can
win, and you can win too (even if you don't achieve outlier-sized success).
Their success can expand your options, and they may wind up being your
collaborators (formally or informally by simply participating in a mutual
superstructure) moreso than your 'competitors'.

[1] [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-scientific-
funda...](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-scientific-
fundamentalist/200911/why-your-friends-have-more-friends-you-do)

[2]
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_effect](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_effect)

[3] Can't find the reference at the moment, but the study I recall showed
people video of a top soccer player, and subsequently they performed worse on
tasks requiring physical coordination._

~~~
ZephyrBlu
The Matthew Effect is equal parts frustrating and fascinating.

------
m1117
I'm extraordinarily good at procrastinating!

------
weregiraffe
Buy can you be extraordinary with not being OK?

------
S_A_P
I read the title as "Boeing ok with not being extraordinary". That would be a
pretty dramatic statement...

------
l00sed
Great post. :) Thanks

------
fnord77
or "overcoming narcissism" ?

------
gtilman
It comes from within, my dear princess.

------
mattxxx
nah

------
neonate
[https://archive.is/oOMFR](https://archive.is/oOMFR)

[https://web.archive.org/web/20200824155533/https://www.tiffa...](https://web.archive.org/web/20200824155533/https://www.tiffanymatthe.com/not-
extraordinary/)

~~~
tmatthe
Thanks for posting this! My website is currently down and I'm in the process
of fixing it.

~~~
mattbillenstein
How are you hosting this?

~~~
tmatthe
HostPapa. I contacted them and they said it was a problem with their server,
so I can't do anything about it sadly.

~~~
mattbillenstein
Yeah, imho, make something that generates static pages and then you have any
host of options with (nearly) infinite scale -- s3/cloudfront, etc. And it's
still pretty simple.

------
unnouinceput
We all are extraordinary actually. Human race is in a continuous evolution, so
absolutely any of us is an extraordinary person compared with 2000 years ago
great minds. A high-school student is better educated then Pythagoras for
example.

Conversely, even the greatest minds of today (Hawking, Einstein, etc) will be
below high-school kids of the future.

~~~
samatman
This is a dangerous point of view to take.

"evolution" means "adaptation". It does _not_ mean "progress".

A doctor of the 18th century would bleed their patients to balance humours,
but would, at least, not shove an icepick into their frontal lobe as a form of
exorcism. A doctor of the early 20th century wouldn't do the former, but might
well do the latter.

Which is not to say that progress doesn't exist, only that it's a fraught
concept, with many caveats, regressions, and no firm ground to judge its
status at any given point. You will have a more productive engagement with
history, and with the ancients, if you consider them as your equals, just
situated differently in time and place.

------
Subsentient
Yes.... Yes..... Consume, work, run in your hamster wheel. Mediocrity is okay,
it's what your overlords desire. Enough to be useful, not enough to affect
change.

~~~
tcskeptic
I think you are conflating being extraordinary with excellence -- the opposite
of extraordinary is not mediocrity. We can all achieve excellence -- by
definition being extraordinary is rare.

~~~
NewEntryHN
Except extraordinary is correlated with excellent because this premise:

> We can all achieve excellence

is false in practice.

~~~
rabidrat
"can" I think is true for some large majority of people. It's just that most
people get discouraged well before the point at which they've devoted enough
of their lives to their endeavor to be truly excellent. So in that sense,
maybe they "can't", but it is not due to an innate talent deficit, but a
psychological deficit (which I believe can also usually be addressed with
enough attention and intention).

