

On being happy - swombat
http://ecomba.org/blog/2011/04/01/on-being-happy/

======
DanielStraight
Anyone can tell people to do what makes them happy or leave their
dissatisfying job. These exhortations have become platitudes. If you want to
help people find fulfillment, you need to move beyond the low hanging fruit of
personal development advice. You need to do work. You need to talk to people
and find out why they stay in their jobs. Then you need to address those
concerns.

The exhortation to "do what makes you happy" has been around for a long time,
yet there are still people in dissatisfying jobs. Is offering another
formulation of the same message going to make a difference? If your audience
doesn't respond to your message, you work on your message, you don't just
repeat it with subtle variations.

If you want to see someone who is doing work in this field and saying
something new, read <http://www.unicornfree.com/> or
<http://www.paulgraham.com/>. There is simply no comparison between the kind
of practical, "actionable" advice Amy Hoy and Paul Graham are offering and the
platitudes presented in this post.

Specifically, read <http://www.paulgraham.com/love.html> which almost exactly
echoes what I just said (despite reading it only _after_ making this post):
"We've got it down to four words: 'Do what you love.' But it's not enough just
to tell people that. Doing what you love is complicated."

~~~
swombat
People have been working on this message for thousands of years. I hate to be
defeatist, but I'm afraid the only step up from repeating this message in N
different forms (and waiting for the person to develop to the point where they
are ready to understand this message) is personal tuition and coaching - the
very involved kind you receive from your parents, and which takes decades to
bear fruit. Unfortunately, that doesn't scale, yet.

At the end of the day, you'll find that no argument will convince people to do
anything - people change their behaviours based on environment changes and on
emotional changes/development. But I don't think that means we should stop
repeating what is true just because it will not have an immediate effect.

~~~
bad_user
If only listening were that easy.

Biggest problem is that most people like parts of what they do.

I.e. -- I always loved programming and it still gives me intellectual orgasms.
Problem is most programming jobs are boring and stressful as hell and most of
the time I am in limbo, trying to find better gigs while still keeping my
monthly revenue (because I also have a child to worry about). And speaking
about my child -- that's another thing that makes me happy, and it's not easy
to make compromises there ;)

Really, my only way out is to earn fuck-you-money and in the meantime to just
suck it up for periods of time when I can't find work that satisfies me (that
sometimes seem like an eternity). Which also means I have to work twice as
hard as most people, because of this idea in my head that I can be happier.

So it's easy to be on your high-horse and repeat to people to do what they
love. I also get the feeling that some people repeat this phrase to convince
themselves that they indeed love what they are doing ... but let's be honest
here, real love gives you lots of temporary hatred too and sometimes it's
fricking hard to keep going (i.e. pursuit of happiness != being happy).

~~~
swombat
I used to feel the same way as you, and I realised two things. It's also worth
noting that I am a programmer, like you.

The first thing I realised is, I/you don't actually need fuck-you money. You
need fuck-you independence. You need to not be beholden to any particular
paymaster for your livelihood. That's far easier to achieve by multiplying
revenue streams than by earning fuck-you money.

The second thing I realised is, you're more likely to multiply your revenue
streams if you focus on building yourself up rather than sacrificing
everything for one job/career/objective.

The real problem with this advice is that those people who really, really need
to hear it are precisely the ones who will react like you - by saying that it
doesn't apply to them.

Yes, it applies to you. It may take you years to realise it, or you may never
get there - people tend to apply advice when they're ready for it, not when
the advice is offered - but it is absolutely, 100% for you.

------
swombat
I'd never heard the Openheim quote, but it certainly resonates with some ideas
that I've toyed with for some time now.

The best part is, it applies to other things than just happiness. Success, for
example. You don't get to success by sacrificing everything for its sake - on
the contrary, you get to success by taking on a successful mindset, growing
yourself into the kind of person who is successful, and letting your
activities flow from that. When you find yourself sacrificing everything for
success, you're probably heading for failure.

------
GrooveStomp
This blog, Study Hacks: <http://calnewport.com/blog/> has been a great read on
this subject, but more specifically on not quitting your job and finding your
passion; rather, finding passion in what you're doing and doing the legwork to
making yourself great.

------
mrich
How to maximize happiness? One common constraint in life is money. If you have
enough, you are more flexible to do what you want, including working a 9 to 5.
If you need only a few material things, you will need less money and thus have
to spend a smaller portion of your life earning it.

For the money you do need, the question becomes how to earn it. If you are
lucky, doing what you love pays you enough. However, even if you do what you
love there will always be times where you have to do stuff which sucks.

I am working as a software developer for a big software company in Germany.
The job is quite interesting, colleagues are intelligent and friendly, pay and
benefits are good. Of course, some of the time you will be working on stuff
which is not so interesting, maybe even 50% of the time. This, and the fact
that you spend most of your day in the office, makes me long for being more
independent and having more time for myself and family/friends.

I also play poker and on some days I am able to earn more money than I earn in
my job in much less time. However, playing poker as a job can quickly become
monotone and boring. But it can also be more exiting than coding, plus you are
very flexible with regards to working hours.

I'm also interested in startups and have thought about building a product on
the side and slowly growing business. This would allow me to get maximum
benefit from my skill (producing software and selling it multiple times, which
is an unique opportunity for a software dev which makes starting your business
so profitable nowadays) However, lack of time prevented me from doing so. If I
had a partner I would be more interested in going this route, but as it is now
I simply lack the time to do this in a reasonable manner. I will try to do
small things like building an app in my spare time.

I guess for me, I will continue at my job and try to mix in the other two
things. If I get really successful I can still quit the job. Of course, this
makes it less likely that I will be successful. But the worst case outcome
will be quite good too - I will have a secure, interesting 9 to 6 job.

~~~
GrooveStomp
I agree with your assertation - specifically with regards to having enough
money.

How do you define "enough"? I've adopted the outlook that "less is more." I
have a ridiculously low cost of living compared to many of my peers. Some of
it is circumstantial and I'm thankful for being in the situation I'm in, but I
also think you set yourself up to take advantage of circumstances that arise.

Just an example: my total monthly cost of living without spending on
entertainment or extras - ie., food, rent, all my bills, transportation, etc.
is 79% of my buddy's rent alone. This affords me the opportunity to find work
I like. I can easily go for 2-3 years without any work and it would have no
effect on my lifestyle whatsoever. Sure, I don't have an SUV or own a fancy
house, but I have time to pursue my own interests and I'm deeply passionate
about the work I do (after thinking I had no interest in doing it anymore and
trying to "pivot" a couple of years ago).

~~~
mrich
Low cost of living really gives you freedom and flexibility, I agree. Once you
have that mortgage and family you cannot be so picky anymore... I guess sooner
or later most will have family and will be in this situation. But you can
influence how extreme it will be by saving, mindful spending etc.

------
norswap
"Time moves forward and stops for no one, yet so many people are prepared to
waste it, have unlived lifes."

I don't think adopting this line of reasoning has ever made anyone more happy.
Even if you can "live your life fully", this comes with a pressure to "use
your time to the fullest" that would, to me, be unbearable (I've been there,
although briefly).

------
JoeAltmaier
This book says lots: [http://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-
Relations...](http://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-
Relationship/dp/0140286780)

