
The difference a dad can make - mooreds
https://www.evoke.org/articles/june-2019/Data-Driven/Fresh_Takes/the-difference-a-dad-can-make
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sriku
I'm super grateful to my dad for having let my hands near a computer at a time
(late 80s, 90s) when computers were super expensive in India (they cost like a
year's pay for a fresh grad back then). We couldn't afford one, but he took me
to meet people who did and who showed me fascinating stuff like synthesizing
sounds. I still recall my first "short circuit" on seeing a BASIC program that
read "I = I + 1" and freaking out with "that's not possible".

My dad's University got a computer to help work with Indian languages
(wonderful work on hardware and software for Tamil, Telugu, Devanagari done by
research teams at Centre for Development of Advanced Computing Pune in the
pre-unicode days). Still in high school, I got to help around organizing the
library of the Indian Music Department. Later on, I wrote my own cataloging
software in Emacs Lisp that kept details in a plain text file. Playing around
with Slackware Linux in the early 90s definitely gave the feeling of being
part of something big.

~~~
hiram112
> Playing around with Slackware Linux in the early 90s definitely gave the
> feeling of being part of something big.

Slackware in the late 90s is what got me hooked on Linux and computing in
general, along with building my own AMD Sempron (i.e. inexpensive) machine
from a bunch of mostly random parts I'd buy off Craigslist.

At one point in time, I knew what every single file in 'etc' was for, what
every single process was, and every single listening port.

I feel bad for the younger kids learning Linux in 2019 with Centos or Ubuntu.
The systems are so much more complicated, it's difficult to understand how
everything is put together. Might as well be a black box like Windows or Mac.

~~~
peatmoss
OpenBSD.

If you want to cut your teeth on “comprehensible unix” it’s a high water mark.
Reading the man pages is probably worth a few years of sysadmin experience.

I too was a Slackware user of the 90s, but I was also a BSD user. OpenBSD is
simply great, and has only gotten better—not more magical.

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dfcowell
I got a few paragraphs in before I had to stop.

My Mum fought tooth and nail against my Dad for me to get my first proper
computer after I spent over 2 years cobbling together an ancient machine out
of scraps and garbage.

I had the carcasses of 4-5 machines stashed under my bed by the time I got a
single good (in the loosest sense of the word) machine to boot.

My childhood was defined by the conflict between my parents where Mum
tirelessly defended my right to learn.

Fathers are incredibly powerful and they can make a difference. Whether that
difference is positive or negative depends on the father in question. I have
slowly rebuilt my relationship with my own father over many years, but we will
never be close. It hurts.

~~~
linuxftw
> ... after I spent over 2 years cobbling together an ancient machine out of
> scraps and garbage.

Lack of having makes one resourceful. Look at today's world where just about
every child in the developed world has a smart phone. Do they care about
computing and how computers work, or are they merely appliances to today's
generation? Most kids today know as much about an HVAC system as they do about
the internal workings of a PC: nothing.

~~~
SketchySeaBeast
It continues to be as it always was - a small group of people interested in
how something worked - same with car enthusiasts - just because it's
ubiquitous doesn't mean people care to know about it. I don't think that small
group has changed. Their interest was the special ingredient.

~~~
linuxftw
I think you can look backwards at technology and see what's really going to
happen. How many people build an FM radio from scratch? Not many, that
technology is 100% commoditized; sure, there will be some, but they'll be
extreme outliers.

Many people I know got their first car via building it themselves from a
junker. How many upper middle class kids did that? Those kids were building
valuable skills that translated to a career. Same for people piecing together
and fixing old computers. What skills do today's kids get? Expert level
knowledge of emojis? The hacker mentality is gone for the new generation of
computer users because everything already exists.

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thinkingkong
Just if it slips past anyone, this is (wonderfully) written by Melinda Gates.

~~~
benj111
Yes it had! Thanks.

~~~
credit_guy
And in case it slips past a subset of the “anyone” above, that computer is an
Apple computer.

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aivisol
Being a techie myself, I was also super obsessed with my daughter being
admitted into same college which I graduated (specializing in maths and
physics). I insisted she studies there and helped her to prepare for admission
exams. She failed and did not pass. Well, thanks god! It turned out her
passion was languages and now at age of 22 she is fluent in six languages and
has some grasp of perhaps 3-4 more. If there is the thing I regret as a
parent, then that is not if my children chose this or that path in their lives
(because it is their life, not mine, after all). I rather regret time not
spent with them (I could have spent more) and not listening enough when they
wanted to tell me or ask something. But, as it turns out, no college or
university teaches us that (surprise!), it is from our own mistakes we (if
lucky) realize that.

~~~
Riverheart
In your defense, kids don't always pick the best long term path for
themselves, or consider the long term at all. I know several people that
didn't consider the long term and struggle to find gainful employment. I
myself stumbled into my career which fortunately worked out but I shudder to
think how things might have ended up otherwise. I'm glad she found her own way
forward though.

~~~
aivisol
That is absolutely true. My actions were in part based on my parents' who
insisted that I study there, for which I am grateful to them all my life.

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onemoresoop
My father was a mathematician/physicist, tinkerer and a voracious reader of
litereature. In the mid 80's (in eastern europe) he had a lot of free time on
his hands to experiment with computers and to build a personal library of
books. I vividly remember the day he brought home a sinclair spectrum clone
that was running basic and two tapes of games for me to enjoy. I got bored
with playing games rather quickly and started dabbling in basic attempting to
make my own games. My fascination with computers grew tremedously. In the
early 90s my father emmigrated to the US and ended up as a programmer for Bell
Atlantic after stumbling upon a few odd jobs. Though he had a hard immigrant
life he kept me updated with books and faster and faster PCs at the time (x86,
x286, pentium, etc) and really long vivid letters about his experiences in the
US, explaining school math and programming to me. We were separated by
distance for 10 years and yet his infuence was stronger than ever. He also
made sure I was also learning other things as well and that I wasn't glued to
the computer screen all the time. Fast forward to early 00s when I and the
rest of the family emmigrated to the US as well, my dad taught me a bit of SQL
and VB6 after which I landed a job as a junior dev. I was an intern first then
the company hired me F/T. I've had to quickly upgrade from VB6 but SQL had
remained in my toolkit and proved a good investment. Unfortunately he passed
away a year after my arrival. It all came as a huge shock, he had a massive
heart attack due to stress, I think he was too old to adapt to the fast paced
US, he was 55 years old. RIP Dad. I ended up supporting my family for years to
come and and if it wasn't for his guidance I don't know how all would have
turned out.

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pcunite
Beautiful story. I have a daughter too who shows interest in technical areas
and its my honor to help her reason about all the options available to her.
Another daughter I have prefers more emotionally driven subject matter and
again I'm just as proud and appreciate all that she will offer our world.

~~~
zamfi
> emotionally driven subject matter

Could you say a little more about what you mean by this phrase?

~~~
pcunite
She loves to write thank you notes, play with dolls, and seems to have a very
natural emotional connection (sympathy/empathy) for the people she is
communicating with.

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dijit
This is touching, and I really do not wish to talk it down.

However, I grew up not only without a father, but without support to go into
any science/technological related field ("You need qualifications, you won't
get them, you won't amount to anything- plumber is a great job for your
skills" etc.), Yet I'm considered to be pretty good at what I do now.

I wonder just how much of her success could be attributed to the supportive
father, I doubt it was the entire reason she had the passion she did.

~~~
microcolonel
> * ("You need qualifications, you won't get them, you won't amount to
> anything- plumber is a great job for your skills" etc.),*

Encouragement is only one form of support, honesty is the other. ;- ) My
father was complicated, but I remember reorienting myself as a (very young)
kid when I heard that what I was doing would make my life miserable.

P.S. suspend disbelief for a second, consider that maybe Melinda may have seen
something in Bill that she didn't in her childhood, and that maybe there's
more to it than you'd initially think.

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olavgg
My daughter who is now 9 years old is just as excited as I was at that age
when it comes to computers. We play with Microbit, Raspberry Pi and of course
Minecraft. We also play code combat together, which is really an amazing and
fun way to learn coding. Everything is on her promises, I never push her.

~~~
ricardbejarano
When I was 9 my dad did two things I'll never thank him enough for:

1\. Buy me a laptop _and install Ubuntu on it, instead of Windows_ , so my
first OS was Linux. And I'm talking about 11-years-ago Linux for a 9yo kid.

2\. Drill into me the importance of English. For non-English speakers, I
believe this is the one true barrier of entry. All docs, forums, videos, etc.
are English-first, and by the time they get translated into other languages
it's no longer cutting-edge, so if you can't read English you are stuck with
the "old" technologies.

Thanks, dad!

~~~
ahje
> Drill into me the importance of English.

This. My parents don't really do IT and I wasn't old enough to pick it up from
my grandfather, but both parents realised how important English is and made
sure I spoke it already at a fairly young age. I'd never have been able to get
into IT without it.

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stuff4ben
I can echo this sentiment as well. My dad's interest in computers, as he was
undergoing his masters degree in business, had him building an interface from
his Commodore Plus/4 to an electronic typewriter. Being a poor staff sgt in
the Air Force (and supporting a family of 4) he couldn't really afford a new
printer. But with the free Plus/4 we got for attending a timeshare seminar and
its built-in word-processor, it allowed him to edit his thesis much easier and
complete it faster. Bonus side-effect was that it inspired me as a 9 year old
to play with computers and learn BASIC programming. That and the continued
purchases of computers throughout the rest of my childhood (C64, Amiga, 286,
486, etc) helped me become the computer nerd I am today. Thanks Dad!

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agumonkey
Goes the other way around, lots of teachers and doctors said 'to cure a
children, cure his parents'

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b3lvedere
That was an awesome read! As a dad myself i can only hope i will have the
honor of helping my kids as much as possible.

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jmalkin
Lovely story. My parents' approach to learning and what was acceptable and not
had a very big effect on my choices in life

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roflchoppa2
Im grateful that my dad used to hit me with those orange hotwheels tracks.
Built a lo of character that way.

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dennisgorelik
About Melinda Gates: [http://fortune.com/2016/03/16/melinda-gates-fortune-
classic/](http://fortune.com/2016/03/16/melinda-gates-fortune-classic/)

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chasd00
you get what you give. As a father, my kids have taught me at least as much as
i've taught them.

~~~
fit2rule
Absolutely agree with this. Parenting is just another stage of personal growth
- having kids is definitely replete with life lessons ..

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RickJWagner
Nice tribute. Fathers (and Mothers) make such a difference....

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Gatsky
On a bit of a tangent, I have thought that the abortion debate ignores
paternal responsibility. I don’t want to get into a debate about abortion (I
am in favour), but logically if abortion is outlawed then a father abandoning
their child should also be outlawed. Someone can father a child and then
disappear without too many consequences, certainly without having to make
difficult decisions or undergo a surgical procedure or raise a child for the
next 20+ years. It strikes me however that it is impossible to force fathers
to take responsibility. Needing to make child support payments is hardly
enough. Abortion is in a way a compensating for this differential
responsibility. It seems that women are blamed for getting pregnant and then
vilified for wanting an abortion, but the father is not mentioned at all.

~~~
kgwgk
> Someone can father a child and then disappear without too many consequences

Can’t mothers do the same? (Once the child is born, obviously.)

~~~
a-saleh
You could consider the "Can run before the child is born" quite an advantage
when trying to get rid of the responsibility of being a parent.

~~~
kgwgk
The man can run away but cannot really eliminate the legal responsibility. The
woman, however, can do it before and (unless there is opposition from the
father) after the birth.

~~~
a-saleh
Before the birth? Within limits, yes, isn't that the whole reason for having
abortion legal?

After the birth, I am not sure how would that work.

~~~
kgwgk
The point is that a woman can abort, a man cannot kill the unborn baby under
any circumstances nor renege of it.

And giving babies for adoption is a thing, and not just in an anonymous “drop
it somewhere where they will take care of it” sense.

