
Quora: "How does a penniless entrepreneur attract gold diggers?" - sulemanali
http://sulemanali.com/blog/2010/6/4/quora-how-does-a-penniless-entrepreneur-attract-gold-diggers.html
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techiferous
I just celebrated my twelfth wedding anniversary and here's some advice: what
you want to look for in a mate is a _loyal friend for life_.

Things change. People change: your city, your religion, your personality, your
income, your health. Through each change it's nice to have someone to make the
change with you. A long, successful marriage requires that the relationship be
reinvented as things change. At first you are lovers discovering each other,
at another time you are collaborating parents, at another time you are
supporting your spouse's dreams, and at yet another time it's your turn to
have your dreams supported.

If you're looking for something specific like wealth or beauty, that's fine
but it would never work as a _foundation_ for a satisfying marriage
relationship. I've found the best foundation to be nurturing an unconditional
love for all people, because when your spouse changes into another person you
will still be able to love them.

~~~
bmelton
The flip side to that, as a person currently dissolving his marriage of 10
years, is that it's a LOT harder to find a 'loyal friend for life' than it is
with some other quality you prefer. It's also easy to rationalize how _easy_
it would be to love someone _forever_ when you're in the throes of new love,
and just as easy to chalk up blame when that passion dies.

I agree with the sentiment, I really do, and my (soon to be ex-) wife and I
are still really good friends, but not only is 'find your best friend' not
_necessarily_ a magic bullet, but it's also a lot harder to ferret out than,
say, 'large breasted' or 'wealthy'.

Though, it could just be my bitterness talking. :'(

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gxs
I've come to the conclusion that if you strip things down to basic principles,
a woman that is looking for a man with a nice income, is really no different
than us looking for a girl with big tits or with an interest in a special
that.

It's just some trait that she prefers in a partner. Every since I made this
connection, I hold it less and less against women who want a man that makes a
decent salary.

My gf in college broke up with me after a couple of years, and while she'll
never admit it, I know it was because I wasn't on the the investment banker
track or the like.

I used to have a chip on my shoulder about it, until I realized that she
wanting that quality in me, was no different than the reasons I was madly in
love with her.

~~~
stretchwithme
we are driven by evolutionary forces.

~~~
mattmaroon
While this is true, we should never forget that we are the one animal with the
capability to move beyond this. Through conscious effort, you can overcome
many of the artifacts of evolution that run contrary to your happiness in the
world in which we live in now. It's not easy, and it's never complete, but you
can continuously improve yourself.

~~~
Alex3917
How long until the Matt Maroon's Overcome Evolution DVD set is released? :-)

~~~
mkramlich
It will come out precisely 1 month after he gets 100 people to sign up on the
hypothetical teaser page committing to buy it for $20, sight unseen. Once
enough signups, he can design and produce the DVD, etc. That would be the
smart/lazy approach. :)

------
ganjianwei
When I read the comments I can't help but feel that Hacker News is 99% male
because all the comments are written from a male perspective. Not just that,
they also address the community as though the entire community is male. E.g.
"is really no different than _us_ looking for a girl with big tits," "Don't
think of _her_ as a potential mate."

Does anyone know the gender ratio of HN members? I'd be curious to know if it
weren't overwhelmingly male. I think we'd all be better off if we got to see
both male and female perspectives.

~~~
DavidMcLaughlin
What you are describing is the concept of "Male gaze" in feminist theory. As
common as this phenomenon is in general, it's especially rife in tech/geek
circles in my experience.

~~~
fleitz
Aren't theories supposed to be falsifiable, or does that only apply to
scientific theories?

~~~
yummyfajitas
In the social sciences, the word "theory" mainly refers to philosophical
discussion and political activism.

------
philwelch
Contrast:

"There was one surprise founders mentioned that I'd forgotten about: that
outside the startup world, startup founders get no respect.

...

Unfortunately this extends even to dating:

    
    
      It surprised me that being a startup founder
      does not get you more admiration from women.
    

I did know about that, but I'd forgotten."

<http://www.paulgraham.com/really.html>

~~~
kiba
It might serve as a filter to keep away all that gold-diggers.

~~~
jimboyoungblood
Or it might just be the truth that there are no "gold-diggers" targeting
startup founders. Certainly I've never seen it.

------
4ensic
Don't think of her as a potential mate, think of her as a potential 50%
investor in your venture. She certainly does.

~~~
jimboyoungblood
Then you'd better make sure her stock vests like everyone else's.

~~~
kristiandupont
Reminds me of this: <http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/sex/a/gold_digger.htm>

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araneae
This made me feel slightly nauseated, and I'm not sure why.

~~~
yanowitz
Because it's incredibly misogynistic.

~~~
WalterGR
No it's not. It's describing a very specific situation.

 _She looks---really looks---at her husband and realizes that outside of his
consumer marketing instincts and technical wizardry and (increasingly
infrequent) write-ups in TechCrunch and VentureBeat and his nouveau
confidence, he's quite boring. He was one of the guys she scrunched her nose
at in high school._

She married someone she wasn't particularly interested in for what his money
could buy her, and came to realize he is boring.

The story doesn't make generalizations about all women.

------
patrickgzill
I consider the narrative improbable.

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treyp
this answer on Quora was specifically marked as "not for reproduction" so that
it wouldn't be reproduced on other sites. i guess we'll see how Quora handles
such cases.

~~~
gjm11
Curiously, "not for reproduction" is also one (partial) answer to the original
question.

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topbanana
Stock options

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zackattack
"TL;DR: Women need emotional stimulation"

Bingo.

