

Ask HN: What steps and preparations should I make before quitting my job? - miserabletemp

Hi HN.<p>I was hoping to turn to the wisdom of HN for advice.  I am a software developer and for a while, I've felt unrecognized and pigeon holed on the "unsexy" projects. I've been told I was in line for a raise but was just waiting for approval. That was six months ago, when I asked what was happening I was told 'still waiting'.<p>Honestly, unsexy workhorse projects are completely fine by me <i>personally</i> I learn enough in my spare time - but they're a dead end with respect to promotion and growth.<p>From all the previous advice I've seen on Hacker News I know "If you hate your job, quit" is apparently the right answer.<p>Overcoming the fears though is a bit of a stumbling block. There's a lot of other wisdom that says "it's easier to find a job if you already have one", or "why not make your own job" (believe me, I'm trying!).<p>I'm getting calls, going on interviews, just not getting to that final stage of offer.<p>Maybe I'm just being impatient, but I got turned down for one that I really wanted just last Friday and this week has felt almost unbearable.<p>Seriously, today just as I got into the office, rather than getting straight down to work, I cried. (Thankfully I get in so much earlier than everyone else I had time to do that before anyone saw me).<p>I'm sitting here with the words catching in my throat. "Guys, I've got to move on" but I keep stopping at the point where that little voice in my head says "have you really thought about this?" (and my wife's voice calmly telling me that I should really have another job first).<p>I don't know really what to say.  I'm just feeling a bit shit really. HN is sure to have that sort of collective wisdom that can help a guy out.
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chrisclark1729
Wow. I've been there. 3 times actually. Unfortunately, your question is
deceptively complex. There are several smaller questions/concerns contained
within your dilemma.

Financial:

Can you afford to quit? You say you are married. If you don’t have kids,
you’ll need 6 months living expenses. Better yet would be to have a years’
worth. I have heard conflicting reports on how easy it is to get unemployment
if you quit. For now, I would assume that you cannot get unemployment.

Next, Quit or Don’t?:

If you decide to quit - here’s what you should do:

1\. Give tons of notice. Since you don’t have anywhere to go, you can keep
earning money and be openly looking for a new gig. The fact that it’s out in
the open should alleviate some of the stress for you.

2\. Figure out why you’re so unhappy. Write down two answers. First, an answer
that is well rehearsed. This is the answer you can tell your boss and co-
workers so you don’t blow up and tell them they are killing you. Second, an
answer that is the real reason. If you’re this miserable at a job you’re going
to have to do some serious soul searching to figure out why and you’ll need a
plan of attack to deal with these issues so they don’t disrupt you in the
future

3\. Find the person who will be most upset about your quitting and manager
your relationship with them. This will be huge on down the line.

4\. Ultimately, be nice. You’re leaving and the way you leave will stay with
you forever in the minds of your bosses and co-workers.

If you decide to stay - here’s what you should do:

Don’t phone it in. The anxiety of being at a job that you hate and continuing
to do half-assed work will crush you. Better to take risks on projects that
have the chance to excite you and do great work for the company. If you’re
going to leave anyway, just find a way to politely decline the work you don’t
want to do and pick a project that has a chance to be a game changer.

Next, look for another job. I know this is obvious, although in my opinion,
you have 3 ways to go with this:

Option 1: Get another job, any job. Call recruiters. Call everyone you know.
Shotgun resumes. Apply to jobs you know you can get and get a new one. Once
within the new job give yourself 6 weeks to determine if you like it. If you
like it, great, you have a job you like. If you don’t, move on to Option 2 or
3 and figure out how the fuck you’re going to explain why you have been job
hopping so aggressively. Just be happy that you have a job that doesn’t make
you cry. If it does, go to therapy.

Option 2: Figure out what your dream job is with extreme detail. I mean
everything where is it? What do you do? Who do you work for? What your boss is
like? How much you will get paid? Size of company, revenue, industry, etc.
EVERYTHING. Write at least 3 pages on this and find companies and positions
that match your target and go after them with everything you’ve got.

Option 3: Start freelancing. Be slightly less selective about the projects you
take, but find a market that you are comfortable serving and do whatever it
takes to give them what they want. Maybe even finding a few projects that pay
$15 or $20 an hour will give you and your wife more confidence that you can
quit. And if you do well you might be able to parlay those into an even more
successful full-time side gig.

And when it’s all said and done and you have your dream job, do something nice
for your wife. Dealing with this type of thing really sucks for women and I
think taking a trip with her and showing her that you’re happy will do wonders
for both of your psyches.

~~~
waqf
> Dealing with this type of thing really sucks for women

I think you mean, "[d]ealing with this type of thing really sucks for
partners". But correct me if I'm wrong.

~~~
chrisclark1729
I meant women, although in the cultural sense. This is to my knowledge the
first generation of women who were raised to be supportive and nurturing at
home while still feeling the pressure to earn as much men.

Having the role of nurturer be challenged, I'm going to assume, is more
psychologically damaging for a woman. Especially when that woman has career
woes of her own.

No doubt all of these cases have individual components, but doing something
nice for your spouse is rarely bad advice. =)

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andymoe
Start by taking the rest of the day off. Go home sick if you have to and
regroup. Don't quit while you are angry/upset. If you still feel like you want
to leave write a resignation letter tonight and do it in the morning or after
a few days when you have gathered your personal effects/data.

Quitting whiteout having something lined up OR not having enough cash in the
bank is always a last resort but sometime if things are that unbearable it has
to be done.

Also, this is not the last time you will be rejected for something you really
really want start preparing yourself for that ahead of time.

~~~
miserabletemp
Thanks andymoe - I took your advice immediately. I've posted a more complete
response above in the thread.

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swellular
Agree with andymoe. Don't let your current emotional state dictate your
decision. Take time to think about it, talk it over with your wife, etc.

My best advice is to try and get something going while you currently have a
job (you said you have time to learn right? why not use this time to build
something?)

I once reached out to Seth Godin for advice on whether I should try and get a
job in tech or just run with the startup idea I had on my own. He told me to
quit and start immediately. In retrospect I'm really glad I didn't go with his
advice since I would have felt completely lost and unprepared after the
initial rush of doing my own thing. Instead, I've worked on side projects in
my spare time, and eventually one idea clicked and the company is taking off
(feel very fortunate).

Go with your gut, but also make sure you feel in control of your life and have
options. Stick it out, save money, and if you do quit, you will be more
comfortable supporting your decision as well as your family.

------
miserabletemp
Thanks so much for the advice.

The second I read @andymoe's comment I knew it was exactly what I needed to
do. I left, went home and must have sent out two dozen resumes.

I'm back at my desk today and I've 'confessed' my feelings to my office best
friend. I was surprised to find that she feels just as crapped on.

It's honestly like a weight off my shoulders. I'm not alone here anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still following through with @Chrisclark1729's advice.
I think it's really really solid - but it takes more time to accomplish.

I'm going to wait until Monday to see if there are any hits on those resumes -
and spend the weekend trying to weigh the cost/benefit of getting out 'now-
ish' vs. earning while I look for work.

------
splatcollision
No specific advice but just wanted to say hang in there and try to keep
positive. When you say: "I've been told I was in line for a raise but was just
waiting for approval. That was six months ago, when I asked what was happening
I was told 'still waiting'." - this means they are lying to you and they don't
think you will have the guts to leave. Do your best to develop something on
the side that you can show to potential employers, they usually are impressed
by the initiative required for something like that. Visualize the day you have
a solid offer on paper in your hand and you can tell your current job "Thanks
for everything but it's time for me to go" - just focus on how good that will
feel!

------
achompas
Advice for the job search: make it known to your dev friends that you're
searching for work. Networking will yield a higher success rate than just
sending out resumes blindly. Same goes for attending meetups in a technology
that interests you--sometimes the meetups are sponsored by companies that are
hiring.

Otherwise, good luck bud--I remember this feeling too. It's terrible, but my
friends and family really helped me through it. All the best for you.

