
Nerdy Boys, Fat Girls, and Access to Sex - stared
https://medium.com/@SexCoachSarah/nerdy-boys-fat-girls-and-access-to-sex-a4893f13a61a
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guskel
I disagree that nerd fears are different than fat girl fears. The article
lists the following as fat girl fears:

>fear of being (physically) unattractive and fear of unemotional relationships
(often linked with a third element — fear of being assertive).

These are usually the same fears that nerds have. Nerds are afraid of being
assertive because from their experiences in the past, being assertive gets
them mocked or shut down. Nerds are constantly reminded how they are
physically unattractive. The article mentions physical inadequacy but this is
really just the same as physical unattractiveness.

>If you believe that you’re physically inadequate and therefore you might fail
in approaching a potential dating partner, the disappointed emotions that can
arise from that are precisely the kind that would have gotten your ass handed
to you when you were younger. The entire process could open you to ridicule
(think the famous quote about men being afraid that women will laugh at them)
and so you don’t even try. You stay stuck.

I think the article fails to acknowledge here that nerdy men do actually
approach women and women actually do laugh at them. The problem isn't a lack
of approaching, it's a lack of attractiveness. For unattractive nerdy men,
it's not just a "belief" that they are unattractive, they actually are
unattractive.

~~~
captainmuon
There is also the fear of "nerdy" (or just insecure) men of coming across as
creepy, or inappropriate, or harassing. As a result, they are not assertive
enough. It's more than just fear of being rejected.

I don't think this has an exact equivalent for women - while women can also be
afraid of coming on too strong, I think the fear behind it is different.

(Also, many confident men seem to be entirely devoid of this kind of fear, and
as a result unfortunately really act creepily or become "pick-up-artists"...
but that is a different topic.)

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wand3r
the article includes some interesting insights but doesnt develop on them IMO.

Women seem to own the social kingdom well men own the
financial/corporate/professional one _generally_. Just as in the workforce
women can be passed over with equal qualifications for a job, men of equal
"attractiveness" have a much more difficult time getting sex. Obviously,
industry and society vary but i think this is the same issue: societal roles.

Feminism in its new age way seems to demand equality in the workforce,
inequality here IMO stems from historical roles. I think woman have as much
trouble breaking into top roles as men do on getting an attractive date on
tinder.

I see these roles changing and the anecdotal evidence suggests this but we
will see.

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nicolashahn
Pretty roundabout way of saying that unattractive people feel worthless
because they don't have as much value to bring to dating because people don't
want to have sex with them.

Past that trivially obvious statement, I'm not sure what the greater insight
is supposed to be.

~~~
tzar
I don't think that's the thrust of the article. The perspective here seems to
be a Marxian interpretation of attractiveness as the “socially necessary
labor” that confers its value in the relationship economy, rather than
something that's correlated with utility.

