
Ask HN: Advice to your younger self - tmaly
If you could send a single sentence of advice to your younger self, what would it be?<p>Let&#x27;s assume it could not be a lottery number or investing advice.<p>For me it I would tell myself to find a successful mentor
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andrei_says_
Don’t believe your thoughts. The voice in your head sounds like your voice but
that doesn’t make it yours.

Trust your inquisitive nature and question things., people and choices,
especially if they feel off.

Most people fake it, most of the time.

Remember what your inner compass feels like. Use that feeling.

Remember that you exist.

Anyone who tries to sell you your own divinity is a scammer.

Anyone who tries to define you sees themselves your master.

Anyone who tries to punish or reward you sees themselves your master and wants
you to accept that role.

Your parents (and guardians) are often piloted by the blind forces of trauma
patterns. What they do at these times is not parenting but seizures of
madness, of which you are the audience and often the victim. This is not your
fault, not your doing, and is not right. You are good to the core, but happen
to be on the receiving end of these seizures.

This is true for every occurrence of unkindness, humiliation, or abusive
interaction by a person who has power over you.

Sometimes it’s helpful to see beliefs, stereotypes, even language and habitual
ways of thinking as forces that have colonized humanity. There’s space and
life beyond these. Follow your curiosity about that dimension. It exists and
is vast — infinitely more expansive than the mind’s ability to think.

Humanity/society is multilayered. The shittiest layers get most of the
publicity. There are many, many awesome people living in integrity, creating
with open hearts and rich imagination. You can be one of them; the easiest way
is to join their communities and friendships.

Friendships are sacred, and deserve your utmost integrity, attention and
honesty.

You’re good and you are able to recognize the people who have not
broken/fallen to the dark side. Trust that.

~~~
archagon
I don't usually find anything I haven't heard before in this genre of thread,
but these are some profound ideas. Thank you!

> _There are many, many awesome people living in integrity, creating with open
> hearts and rich imagination. You can be one of them; the easiest way is to
> join their communities and friendships._

This is what I struggle with the most. (As do many others in my generation, I
think.) How does one discover such communities?

~~~
andrei_says_
Dwell in this question while noticing the people around you. Approach the ones
you truly admire (not the ones you envy).

One in n will be open to a conversation. Feed the relationships that give you
the space to be yourself and seem to want from you the contributions you love
giving. Being yourself means being vulnerably honest with the aspects of
yourself which you don’t yet love. I think that’s most obvious with artists.

And please give it time. Took a decade to have some of my acquaintances get
distilled in into friendships.

~~~
tmaly
I think at a much younger age I had more flexibility and time to do this. I
still think it is a worthy pursuit.

~~~
andrei_says_
Look at it this way: it doesn’t take more time to notice the presence of a
certain color in your surroundings.

------
jonbarker
There are diminishing returns to preparation: focus less on preparation (to
include going to prestigious institutions and working for prestigious
companies) and more on launching, learning, and iterating. This is true in
business and a variety of other fields. As an add on: learn one programming
language really well, and resist the urge to spend time learning new ones!

~~~
131012
Why the add on?

~~~
Shikadi
Second this, learning multiple languages is generally seen as a good thing,
opening your mind to different ways of solving problems, no?

~~~
heavenlyblue
Any language in the area of discourse is a Turing-complete language. Therefore
you can do anything you'd like to in any language.

Besides, I would be highly critical of anyone who claims to know a variety of
languages since it probably means they are only familiar with a strict subset
of their standard libraries and quirks. Or that knowledge is incredibly
outdated.

Learning the syntax is one thing, the more time-consuming for development part
is always knowing the quirks and patterns used today.

~~~
Shikadi
>Any language in the area of discourse is a Turing-complete language.
Therefore you can do anything you'd like to in any language.

Well with that argument, learning brainf*ck in depth should give you all the
programming experience you need to solve problems efficiently :P

Learning even the basics of a functional programming language for example
(Haskell in my case) lead me to understand why things are the way they are in
a few other languages. Sure you can write some solution in a few nested for
loops, but why not use a list comprehension if it's more clear and less error
prone for the situation? Specializing in one or two languages isn't a bad
thing, but I would argue that learning even just the basics of other languages
is beneficial. Understanding what tools are out there and what they're best
suited to is a good thing if you ask me.

------
strictnein
You aren't busy. You just feel busy. Find time to do interesting things,
because once you have kids you'll find out what being busy actually means.

~~~
simonbarker87
Parents don’t own being busy or stretched for time. Regardless of what
commitments you have you can be busy or not and you are in control of that -
yes even parents are in control of how busy they are.

~~~
jerf
There is a qualitative change in _when_ you are busy for the vast majority,
though. Most people don't have a job where at any minute you have to drop
everything and perform some task. This being HN, a very above-average number
of the people who _do_ have a job of that nature are around here, of course,
but I'd expect it's still a majority of people of baby-having age around here
who are not routinely getting paged at 2am by their job.

~~~
toomuchtodo
As someone who was an infrastructure engineer/sysadmin/it manager for over 16
years (ie various roles that required an on call component), my move to
security at the same time as having kids couldn’t have come at a better time.

Being on call 24/7 is not conducive to being available for parenting
responsibilities of young children.

------
thomk
Drinking and chasing women won't seem as fun when you look back on it. I'm not
saying don't do it, in fact, I'm saying the opposite. Drink, chase women and
do it hard, but quit much earlier.

Also don't listen to anyone else's idea of what you should do who who you
should be. Following your own instincts and succeeding is sweet, following
your own instincts and failing, well that just builds better instincts.

------
gringoDan
You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with - choose them
wisely.

~~~
tmaly
I have sort of followed this idea in a different way. I think TF might have
said this, but I think he got it from someone else.

------
djrogers
Start running, and keep running. Oh, and mine some of that newfangled bitcoin
stuff!

On the serious side though - It's a lot harder to get yourself in heathy shape
in your 40s than in your 20s, and it's a LOT easier to keep a good habit than
it is to make one.

------
Clubber
Most companies don't give a shit about you, so don't kill yourself trying to
make them happy.

------
Balgair
_A single phrase?:_

Health above all things.

 _How about 11 good ideas?:_

1\. Dance More

2\. Women are attracted to confidence, nothing else (I'm heterosexual, hence
women. Probably works for any romantic partner to be)

3\. Stay with your dog when they put her down, she deserves that at least that

4\. Wear good clothes that fit well

5\. Life is harder if you are dumb

6\. So get smart, define 'smart' as you go

7\. Take care of your health

8\. Take care of your friends and family

9\. The world is only getting crazier, so learn to surf

10\. Really, I'm serious, dance more

11\. Go Giants!

I made a whole book with 1001 other little pithy bits as a gift for a friend's
newborn. Let me know if you want a copy and I can send it to you.

------
om3n
Big life changes (like marriage, having kids) will change your life, and it's
OK that your priorities won't be the same as they were before.

~~~
asadlionpk
You know, I think about this and it's kinda sad that my priorities will have
to change and have changed. My younger self won't be happy with my current
priorities.

~~~
jerf
Would you be happy with your younger self's priorities now?

~~~
asadlionpk
I am not “old” yet but I am seeing change of priorities. So yes, I would be
happy.

------
bedtimestories
Don't eat so much, jesus fucking christ!

------
cbanek
Get a therapist and deal with your childhood issues as soon as possible, they
will only grow with time.

------
naturalgradient
You can play the 'work towards the next prestigious thing' game as long as you
want but you will be happier the earlier you quit it.

------
spking
Work much harder in high school and college, and spend 10 more years being
single.

~~~
halfimmortal
Why spend more years being single? I'm in my twenties and hate being single.

------
punjsingh
\- Stop worrying. \- You will live many lives, and will follow your own path
leading to many places, rarely to the destination you intended to when you
started. \- You will never be completely content, but will start to enjoy the
journey more as you age. \- The path to being materially rich is long and may
not necessarily bring you happiness you thought it would. Also that rich is a
relative word, its meaning changes as you get more. \- Your real earning would
be people you meet and stories you have to tell of your journey. \- Empathy
will be your best gift to the world. \- You will die living, with still a
passion left to live 100 more lives in your heart :)

[https://www.quora.com/I%E2%80%99m-a-25-year-old-who-has-a-
lo...](https://www.quora.com/I%E2%80%99m-a-25-year-old-who-has-a-lot-of-
interests-and-a-lack-of-direction-in-life-How-does-one-pick-a-happy-and-
fulfilling-career/answer/Punjab-
Singh?__filter__&__nsrc__=2&__snid3__=2349086492)

------
jpindar
Remote work will be a thing someday. Choose a specialty that's better suited
for it (not embedded or instrument control).

------
AnimalMuppet
People matter. Learn to deal with them better. Treat them kindly even when you
have to tell them that they're wrong. (Even how you dress matters. Really! You
think it shouldn't, _but it still does_.)

------
20years
Working 70 hours a week does not have the positive return you think it does.

------
dcow
Your body needs maintenance just like any other machine; eat fewer carbs.

------
taternuts
Stop measuring yourself against your father's and his father's
accomplishments. Those shoes are too big to fill - concentrate on being happy
and don't beat yourself up too much.

------
FLUX-YOU
Stick with programming; you're better at that than anything else you'll choose
to do.

------
ranprieur
Do not fixate on particular goals, but practice broadly scanning for brief
opportunities.

------
codewritinfool
Do your own thing. Don't try to please others. Be kind. Put money in the bank
every paycheck. Exercise. Tell those that you love that you do.

------
hyperpape
Really torn between "sleep more" and "just start writing, but take a deep
breath before hitting send/submit/post."

------
Sukotto
You will feel pressure to go to get married, have kids, buy a house, etc.
_Think long and hard about what you actually WANT_ before doing any of those
things. Decide if the opportunity cost is worth it for you.

You're locking into that decision effectively permanently. Don't just jump in
blindly and hope your good luck will give you a good outcome.

------
Humdeee
Don't be afraid to be more bold with some of life's decisions; often the risk
is well worth the potential outcome.

------
hkmurakami
Live your own life, not someone else’s life.

------
zwieback
Enjoy the time when you get to pick your children's clothes.

------
howeyc
You will have a bunch of expectations placed on you by your family, your
friends, and society at large. Telling you explicitly or implicitly what you
should do, what's acceptable, and how you should live your life. It's not
their life to live, it's your life, do what you want.

------
PappaPatat
Actually: nothing.

I would want my younger self to struggle, experience, learn and grow just the
way I did. With my current knowledge I would create a rich MoFo who would be
clueless but "respected" for no other reason then being rich.

So to the younger me: go fuck yourself thinking this is going to be easy.

------
djbelieny
Think, plan and execute long term goals with more sense of urgency because 5
years can go by like it's nothing. Love more, don't shut yourself off into
your own arrogance. Listen more, there's wisdom all around you and you
definitely do not know it all.

------
acconrad
Work harder. I relied too much on pedigree and not enough on hard work. Also
take an algorithms and compilers class. I'd be a much better developer sooner
if I just grinded on some hard classes, and I probably would have landed that
job at Facebook back in 2008.

------
randcraw
To grow and advance, involve yourself in an essential role on a project’s
critical path. That way you make yourself important without having to self-
promote, encouraging others to depend on you, so in later projects they’ll
come back to you for more.

------
Dirlewanger
Do everything in college that you continuously said you were going to do but
never did.

------
arbie
You are going to produce _more_ as you get older and more efficient, not less!

------
robhunter
Make fewer posts on social media about how you’re feeling at that moment in
time

------
mdolon
Don't be afraid to quit.

------
kodablah
Remember where your loyalty lies. Difficult to revisit the hidden work you did
for the man, easy to revisit work done in the open. Favor authoring for
transparency and posterity over opacity and money.

------
Whymess
You are going to die. You have nothing to lose. Follow your heart.

------
bargl
Message 1: Write shit down! My memory is starting to suck..

Message 2: Thanks.

------
tboyd47
Involve other people in your major life decisions. Ask them for advice even if
you don't feel you need it. At the very least it will bring you closer.

------
arcticbull
Everything ends eventually, so get as much as you can out of it and stop
focusing so much on whats next. And don't get hung up on things that do end!

------
probinso
Pursue employment as young as possible and establish a work life balance.

Say 'Yes' to anything you would have said 'maybe' to, and follow through.

------
jly
Having more or bigger 'things' will not make you happier. Focus more on
relationships and family, and less on the means to consume more.

------
bsvalley
Do it here and now! Take all the risks in the world and don't listen to the
system. Don't get a 9-5 job right away. Location doesn't matter, failure is a
good thing.

In other words, I should have taken the entrepreneurial route right away. My
environment wasn't promoting that at all back in the days so it's easy to say
today...

------
kamaal
Should have done anything, by any means, and relocated to San Francisco in my
early 20s.

P.S: I'm an Indian, working in Bangalore.

------
bloodorange
There's plenty of time because what you do is far more important than how (or
how quickly) you do something.

------
biztos
Dear me, 1986: Learn C, it will solve your money problems!

(That's the youngest self I think would have taken any advice.)

------
random_upvoter
I love you very much.

------
0x4f3759df
The time window to have children is pretty small (life is short), and while
men don't have a 'bio-clock' like women, if the man waits too long he might
have to find a woman a decade or more younger (which is not how you dream
about it growing up)

~~~
djrogers
> The time window to have children is pretty small (life is short)

You've got roughly from your mid 20s to your late 40s to have kids
'responsibly', is that really a small window? Or are you perhaps (incorrectly
imho) simply feeling that you've missed out on parenthood even though you're
still fully capable of being a great parent?

Our youngest of 3 is 19 months old, and we're in our early to late 40s (i'm
not saying which of us is which), and yes - certain things were harder this
time vs 10 years ago (100% sleep related things).

On the other hand, there are a ton of things that were way easier this time
around - we're both more patient, have more realistic expectations of each
other, and we've found a much greater capacity to enjoy her 'baby-ness'.

And finally, don't _under any circumstances_ rule out adoption. I cried more
at the final adoption hearing than I did at the births of either of the first
two. It's a slightly different bond, but by God it's no less strong...

------
zuzuleinen
Some self-promo: I run a weekly newsletter with lessons from HN:
[https://lessonsofhn.com](https://lessonsofhn.com)

It's a collection of mostly life lessons I find interesting similar to
comments from here.

------
blundtek
1 - Don't be afraid to follow your passion

2 - Never too early or late to start a fitness regime

3 - Don't Over-plan

------
ravenstine
Adults are mostly grown children, and you are at least as capable.

------
Shank
Work is important, but it's not more important than relationships: you can
always find another job, but you may never find a comparable partner.

------
Ooberdan
Do some daily mobility work to compensate for desk job with limited movement.

Also, get a height adjustable desk.

Maybe invent a practical way to code whilst walking/jogging.

------
3pt14159
Everything should be excellent—start making small changes once a month so they
normalize and wake up a decade later formidable and attractive.

------
ggm
be happy. it beats all the other alternatives.

~~~
asdsa5325
Ah yes, just pick some happiness off of the happy tree!

~~~
ggm
I've tried both, country and western.

------
LargeWu
You don't need to wait for permission.

------
babuloseo
Fucking uninstall SETI/BOINC and install Bitcoin miners and delegate all
computational power to just mining.

------
ladybro
Go deeper, opt for just in time rather than just in case, & treat your body
with more respect.

------
jrs235
It's okay to change your mind.

------
momentmaker
relax and release

be patient and go with the flow of life

you are on a speck of dirt spinning in a vast space of nothingness

------
wink
Don't give up trying to learn skateboarding, you might regret it 20 years
later :)

------
Mc_Big_G
Kissing ass at work is more important that anything else regarding
advancement.

~~~
GFischer
That's only true for some companies (to be fair, most of them).

If you're on companies that are actually creating value, in a position where
you're creating value, this is not that stark.

You can be more charitable and use stuff outlined on How to Win Friends and
Influence People by Dale Carnegie rather than actual ass-kissing.

------
dofly
Study math for real and get rid of H.Pylori. Would've been sweet.

------
ggm
choose your parents genes, like your advice, wisely.

------
gesman
Better ask for forgiveness than for permission

------
realPubkey
Do not start a company on your own in germany.

------
graposaymaname
Chill bro. There's no need to hurry

------
ismail
The map is not the territory.

------
ulisesrmzroche
Don't stop writing.

------
gesman
bashar.org

------
ronilan
_“The sentence sending time machine works.”_

