

Young Coder With Worried Parents. Advice Needed - zbaker1398

Hello,<p>I am a 15 year old programmer who has taken up programming in the past few years and has come to love it. I do not own any gaming consoles nor do I play video games excluding the occasional flash game. I am not the typical media programmer and none of my friends know that I am interested in it. Infact I am somewhat popular at my highschool and I hang out with different friends almost every weekend. Usually I spend about 1 hour mon-fri and 1-2 hours sat-sun on the computer. What I dont think my parents understand is that I am not your typical kid glued to the screen playing minecraft. I literally want to change the world. I am in the process of creating an education site that could seriously impact teachers all over the united states and the world. The problem is that my parents think I am spending too much time on the computer. Honestly 2-3 hours a week is the usual but sometimes I have spent more sometimes almost none. I need help showing them that I am doing this to help myself improve! They always tell me that learning is more important than grades and while I do have great grades I love learning programming in my spare time. With no programming classes offered this year programming at home is my only option. I want to explain to them how this is no different than playing guitar. In fact they would be happy if I practiced 3 hours a week but apparently it is totally different with a computer. Could any of you give me some advice on what to do? I'm hoping to talk to my parents about it and compare this to playing an instrument. If any of you have any advice or resources you could recommend please tell me. I know it is cliche but I really do want to change the world and in today's world computer programming is the way to get there. I do not want to be stifled by a misunderstanding. Any help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance!
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jchrisa
I'm a successful startup founder (we're 100 people plus and making money) and
I was lucky enough to have supportive parents as a kid. Although I didn't
really start coding seriously until after college.

It sounds like you are smart / articulate, so you'll do fine no matter what,
especially if you work on things you are interested in.

I think your instrument analogy is perfect. You might not turn out to be a
rock star, but getting good at code is probably the most valuable skill you
can get (aside from reading challenging books).

So I'd tell my parents the truth. They are probably somewhat scared because
people tend to be scared of what they don't understand.

As long as you are asking for advice, here are 2 unsolicited points:

* You don't have to study computers in college to be a world class programmer. Study art or biology or something and (assuming you keep getting good at coding on the side) you'll be able to create things that matter. Others who went to school may turn out to be better coders, but you'll write code that people care about.

* Open source. Learn to love github. Share everything you can on there, even if it sucks. If you think something is just an experiment / hack, say so in the readme, but don't let that stop you from posting it. And don't be scared to send pull requests to projects you end up using / fixing bugs on. You'll run into some bad apples but a few people will be super happy to help you get your code quality to the point where they can merge your fix. Being good at open source collaboration is in a lot of ways a more important skill than actually writing algorithms or other coding skills.

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eddienull
I agree with dilithiumhe3's idea of getting a teacher or akin to help
evangelize your talent, and can be great platforms for personal growth...yea,
don't worry about your parents; if they don't 'get it' then you'll just be
waisting energy trying to convince them the world isn't flat. Get yourself an
adult mentor, preferably one with dot-com scars and/or tattoos, but anyone
willing to mentor and stimulate your brain will do. A charismatic mentor is
also a powerful weapon upon the wil of your parents, tho only as strong as
your grades and attitude so try not to be a punk too much and get any new
privileges revoked (that was my mistake). I also wouldn't worry about the
computer too much. computers are stupid tools that just piss you off the more
time you spend on it. Pickup the Guitar, they're fun to play and the chicks
will love you...and you'll also learn a whole lot about structure,
composition, analysis - fundamentals of any programing language. Finally, stop
sneaking weed and playboys with your friends; go someplace quiet, spark up,
and and ponder gravity, or probability, or psychology. whatever stimulates
your neurons. The blackhole of adulthood quickly approaches, best set your
trajectory early & often.

P.S. _ignore_ the haters! They're NOT trying to change the world, that's why
they got time to hate.

godpseed dude.

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michaelkscott
Since you love programming, and by extension problem solving, think of the
whole situation as a problem to solve. You are having a hard time trying to
convince your parents that what you're doing is worthwhile -- to you, it's
even more important than the other things you do because you're more
passionate about it. There are a few things you could do here (some of them
you just have to accept because you have no control).

1\. You could work hard on your project, do everything in the power available
to you to make it successful and prove them wrong. Possible, but just takes a
lot more work and determination than you may think.

2\. Fake it and please them. Let them always see you playing guitar or doing
something they'd like to see you do. Still keep working hard at school, but in
three years you could start doing the things you love. Also, you're still very
young so there's a lot of time. And you'll definitely learn a lot in three
years.

3\. This is actually not as bad as you may think but you can just do what they
say and you'll still be out in three years. You could always work on the stuff
you want then. Don't automatically discount this idea.

These are just off the top of my head. I'm sure if you think about it
pragmatically you'll come up with some good ideas to take the weight off your
head. Take it easy.

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dilithiumhe3
I had the same problem growing up. I would suggest explaining your case to
your parents, showing them your plans or your work would definitely bolster
your chances of them being on your side and understand. It is probable that
they simply don't know what you do and always assume that you aren't doing
something productive, maybe going through the route of getting a teacher on
your side and helping you out may be really helpful too.

~~~
hollerith
>I had the same problem growing up.

What was your parents' worry or objection? It would be interesting to know.

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logn
I have a couple of ideas: first, have your parents buy you a programming
tutor. This will validate your time and actually might benefit you a lot (if
you find the right one).

Second, read some biographies of famous programmers and entrepreneurs. You'll
probably enjoy that and you might be able to show your parents that you're
doing something that other successful people do.

Next, find some way to compete or have your skills verified. Enter hackathons,
for instance.

And like many commenters have said, make something and show them. Are you a
toddler playing with dry pasta all day? That's not good. Are you making
macaroni necklaces for mom? She'd like that.

Also, as a software engineer I don't even think about "hours spent on the
computer". If you are serious about computers, eliminate that thought from
your brain. It's a tool as indispensable to me as a pen would have been to a
writer. I work on it as much as I need to. Some weeks that's 0 hours, some
weeks that's 100.

Also, remember this struggle and write about it for your college essay. Good
stuff.

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narayankpl
Talking to your parents and showing that what you are doing is likely to be
beneficial. Probably you can shows the codes posted at github and then show
where the coder is working--running their own show or running the show at some
big company etc. If they see that what you are doing is what guys much older
to you are doing and is likely to help you, probably your problem may get
solved.

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hmsimha
Take some online classes on programming! There are plenty of free classes you
can take online now through Coursera, edX, or Udacity. The classes are offered
for the benefit of the students more than anything else, but they do offer
certificates (the vast majority of them at least) of completion as well as
paced assignments which are graded. This may be more along the lines of
traditional proof that you are being productive that your parents are looking
for. Additionally, if they are worried about you going to college, most
colleges have a process by which you can take an exam for credit for courses
which you purport to already be knowledgeable in. It's _possible_ that if you
learn the material from an online course, you could end up translating that
knowledge to credit wherever you go to school. If you make this argument to
your parents, you may be able to continue learning what you're interested,
furthering your education, and appeasing them all at the same time.

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cyberpanther
I have kids and don't mind if they use the computer for long periods of time
just as long as they are creating and not just consuming. Creating a website
and learning to code is good. Playing games all day, not so good. Some games
like Minecraft can be creative and you can learn a lot from them, but your
still just playing a game and not impacting the world.

So try to tell your parents this is your creative outlet. And you are not just
consuming crap, but creating things that will impact people's lives. Also if
you continue down this path your probably going to make some serious cash
either with your own idea or helping to build something amazing.

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GuriK
Show them something. Build something with your knowledge and show them to
prove that you're not spending time. Build some educational website or
something like this, then you're parents will be able to see that you're
actually doing something when you 'spend' time with computer.

Grades are the way for your parents to see that you're good at school, if you
build something with computer that would be the way for them to see that
you're not spending time.

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ericcoleman
Have you tried to just show them what your working on and explain it? Show
them your doing something productive, and learning in the process and not just
screwing around.

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rtcoms
Why not to make a simple, useful CRUD app for your parents to show then that
what actually you do ??

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ibudiallo
It looks Luke you are hiding your work. If you can't show it to your parents
how can you show it to the world. If you are passionate about what you do,
don't be afraid to share it. They either like it or they don't no other
options

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TimSchumann
A lot of parents see many of the habits of younger generations as antisocial.

Try to get them to understand how you're connecting with the world and people,
not avoiding the 'real world' (whatever that means) and people.

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rodrigoavie
Try to talk to them. Explain what are your goals, show them that you're not a
lazy kid who uses the computer only for recreational activities. Show them
examples of other "kids" who started young and did great things.

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hollerith
Getting so absorbed in the computer that you are late for dinner would be a
bad move. But you seem like a very sharp 15-year-old, so you probably already
know that.

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sharemywin
You could go to a job boards to show the technologies your learning are
marketable for getting a job.

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pasbesoin
I think what you wrote is a terrific start, if you can share it with them in
what you think is a safe manner. For example, while _we_ know what Hacker News
is, would seeing that name at the top of this page scare them before they took
the time to learn the context (or even read what you wrote)?

I'd be quite happy if I had a 15 year old son with such an interest and who
could express it so well. And who also apparently has a healthy social life
and life beyond just programming.

I wish some of the "big names" on here would make a comment. Your parents
might "get it" a bit more if they saw pg, "the creator" of Gmail, and the like
speaking up with an encouraging word.

Wishing you luck, in any event. And, difficult as it may be, convincing your
parents may well be good practice for making effective arguments, on many and
varied topics, in the future.

As an alternative, get a few appropriate sound tracks and them you're really
into creating electronic music? ;-)

\--

P.S. What about buying a printed copy of pg's book, "Hackers and Painters",
and seeing whether you can get your parents to read it?

The essays its based on are available individually, here. (The book is, as I
understand it, a subset of these.)

<http://www.paulgraham.com/articles.html>

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throwawayAskHN
Learning to play an instrument is fine.

Learning to play an instrument in order to "change the world" and become the
#1 rock star is worrying.

There are other factors involved, lots of people want to be rock stars, so
there is a lot of competition, and many of them are very mean people who don't
fight fair.

There are lots of people who wanted to become rock stars but didn't make it or
aren't smart enough, and they will be jealous and try and stop you. They don't
care how hard you are trying. They will even try to steal it if you succeed.

You CAN do it, but it will probably take ten or twenty years or more and be
much, much, much harder than you think.

You will eventually have to become very obsessed with programming and spend 12
hours every day doing it, just like a rock star or basketball star spends all
day practicing. You won't have any friends or girlfriend or normal life.

If you don't succeed, you will become mean too, and have no choice but to work
for somebody else like a slave, even though you worked so hard.

That's probably what your parents worry about.

It's up to you. Are you the smartest? Are you willing to work the hardest,
harder than anybody, for 20 years? Are you willing to give up your entire
future?

That's what it will take to "change the world," and in reality, the world
won't change very much no matter what you do. Even Steve Jobs only really gave
people new cellphones, and he spent his whole life trying that hard, and died
very young because of it.

~~~
impendia
I disagree. OP is fifteen. I was staggeringly ambitious when I was fifteen,
and although I didn't achieve everything I was aiming for, I'm super-glad I
was.

It is easy to "change the world". Next time you're walking on the sidewalk,
and see a piece of trash, stoop and pick it up. _Presto_ : you've made the
world a better place.

The question is how much, but certainly saying that OP "won't have any friends
or girlfriend or normal life" _IS COMPLETELY WRONG_. Most very successful
people I know have satisfying personal lives.

I dissent from the parent. I would suggest you not ask yourself "Are you
willing to work harder than anybody, for 20 years?", or indeed to compare
yourself to others at all. The question I would invite you to ask yourself,
which it sounds like you are doing already, is "What is something interesting
and helpful I could learn?"

Good luck to you!

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stray
Please don't tell my parents I'm a programmer.

They think I'm a piano player at a brothel.

~~~
ontoillogical
Reference to an old russian joke?

