
Common templates to help you say “no” - patwalls
https://www.starterstory.com/how-to-say-no
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jameslk
A lesson I learned from a sales friend of mine (often the hard way): if you
really want to say no, don't give reasons why you're saying no.

Just simply say "no, sorry"

Once you start giving your reasoning, the other side can negotiate a
compromise or attempt to persuade you into thinking your no is a bad idea. The
more information you provide, the more they can use it against you.

If you don't have time for that, just end it at no and say no more.

~~~
mds
I took a communication class many years ago and this was the main thing I took
away from it. If you give a reason or an excuse the other person will try to
help you "solve" it. If you give a simple "no, sorry" or "no, thanks" there's
nothing for them to latch onto or argue with.

Realize that the other person is free to ask anything they want, but just the
act of them asking doesn't create any obligation on your part. Especially with
people where you don't have a longstanding relationship, you don't owe anyone
anything more than a polite no.

The other piece I learned was this useful phrase to deploy when under severe
pressure to give a reason and for whatever reason you can't just disengage or
leave: "Sorry, I'm just not comfortable with that". No one can reasonably
argue with that, and if they do, having already given your reason you can then
simply fall back into a loop of "No, sorry."

~~~
al_chemist
You took communication class and main thing you got out of it was how to not
to communicate?

It's like going to knife-fighting class to learn how to win every knife fight
and receive "buy a gun" advice. Yes, it works. But it's not really a knife-
fighting skill, is it?

~~~
TeMPOraL
That's a great example you've used here, because number one lesson of winning
a knife fight is, _run_. The best alternative to running away or otherwise
avoiding that fight would be indeed to shoot your way out of it.

WRT GP's comment, what they described is communication. It's _precise
communication_. Saying exactly what you mean and _nothing more_. Not falling
to some kind of instinctive save-face pressure and inventing a bullshit
reason, that only leaves you worse off (you now either have to defend from
your interlocutor's attempts at helping you, or admit that you've lied).

(To use a knife-fighting analogy, it's like learning to thrust without making
it easy for your opponent to dodge your attack and cut you up.)

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motohagiography
When I have received variations on a number of these, I've just interpreted
as, "it's a wall of text without the thing I want." The details are
unnecessary. The more you talk/write, the less responsibility you are taking,
which means the less value you have to offer, and the more vulnerable you are
to leverage.

Saying no "up," and saying no, "down," are very different things. Receiving a
"no," from above or below are very different as well. Responding with an open
ended question or a direct question are also the next moves.

Down: "Thank you, this is not a priority for me/us, I will get in touch if
that changes."

Up: "Absolutely agree! In terms of priority, would you prefer it in this
unacceptable state, this unacceptable timeframe, or for me to use this new
unacceptable authority over these resources?"

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stickfigure
IMO most of these are terrible. They're all far too long. Go ahead and explain
yourself to friends and family members; random business contacts (especially
cold calls) don't need three paragraphs of text explaining your policies
around human interaction.

"Sorry, not interested at this time" is almost always enough. If they write
back asking "when", just ignore.

~~~
commandlinefan
Yeah, the trick isn't saying "no", the trick is saying no without burning any
bridges. Much harder.

~~~
stickfigure
A short 'no' doesn't burn bridges. A long-winded explanation full of half-
truths might.

~~~
LikeAnElephant
You're fortunate to be able to simply say "No." without it being taken as curt
or rude. That's not the case for me personally, and a lot of other people.

In a perfect world, that should be all that needs to be said. In reality,
people and emotions are complicated.

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igolden
While this has some value - it just screams another product that was slapped
together in a night for "product hunt" clout.

Most of these examples aren't that great, and it could've been delivered as a
blog post.

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asplake
On how to say no without actually saying no, see also Never Split the
Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It by former hostage
negotiator Chris Voss. Thoroughly enjoyed the book, recommmended

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lolsal
I find some of these disingenuous:

> Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it to [Event] on [date]. But thanks
> again for sending an invitation my way.

That's not saying "No". That's giving an excuse as to why you can't make it.
Better to say "No, I'm not interested" or something along those lines.

~~~
pell
There's no excuse there. It's simply a polite way to decline an invitation.

~~~
inshadows
The excuse is that you'll not be able to make it. The implication for the
reader is that if you were able to make it, you'd come. But you actually can
make, you just don't want to come. It's pure excuse and lie.

------
tannerbrockwell
Jony Ives relates how Steve Jobs asked him; "How many things have you said no
to..." [1]

[1]:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oksetv3i90](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oksetv3i90)

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daxterspeed
I'm not a huge fan of template e-mails, if you're just gonna do an automatic
response then make that obvious from the start.

However I do see how these can be useful as a reference point, I especially
like the templates/examples that have a little story behind them. Saying no
"like a pro" isn't about the exact phrasing, but knowing that you can and
often should say no.

~~~
RMPR
Template emails are the worst yeah.

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antibland
If anyone knows how to deftly bow out of a forced company outing, I'd love to
know your method. Last time I tried to get out of one of these things, I
informed one of the owners I had too much to do and needed to spend the day
catching up on work.

She was furious and told me I was "damaging the culture."

~~~
brokenmachine
Sounds like a culture worthy of damage.

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ricardobeat
Are these curated? There are a few that seem quite smug (eg "deep work"). Be
careful in what you choose.

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seanwilson
I think a good tip is that you don't have to explain all your reasons all the
time e.g. it's okay to say you're too busy without having to justify what
you're busy with.

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gczh
Love this! There were so many many times I wished I said No but I didn't know
how to do it. The amount of pain and time wasted that came after were hundreds
of hours. I'd imagine if I billed people for those hours, it would have been
terribly expensive. Having templates like these would make it way easier for
me to say No and avoid all of that now. Thanks Pat!!

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leeronisrael
Looks like "Import all 31 templates into Gmail" redirects to OP's business.
Kudos. I think this type of technical, developer-led marketing is the future.
Especially as traditional acquisition channels like Social and Search become
more saturated and expensive, this type of work will stand out.

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jujodi
These are great, good job. Not sure about the templates though, I got a kick
reading these and agreed/disagreed some were useful ways of saying no in
different contexts.

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deft
Missing this one: (how to say no to a friend in need) "Hey! I’m so glad that
you reached out. I’m actually at capacity/helping someone else who’s in
crisis/dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don’t think I can
hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later date or time]
instead/Do you have someone else you could reach out to?"

[https://twitter.com/fyeahmfabello/status/1196581296564256768](https://twitter.com/fyeahmfabello/status/1196581296564256768)

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lazyant
what are "non-transactional meetings"? sounds like a pedantic way to say
meetings that could be an email update.

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lidHanteyk
No, thanks. Additionally, I wish that you wouldn't do this, so please stop.
Thank you!

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rcarmo
This is great, but needs 31 more ways to say no to recruiters :)

~~~
skrebbel
No thanks.

 _Remove phone nr from signature and hit send_

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yhoiseth
Sharing how to say no is the ultimate humblebrag.

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bartread
This is ridiculous:

> Unfortunately, I’m not able to attend because of prior scheduling—but please
> keep me updated with action items I may be able to help with.

Way to make yourself a doormat.

I have literally _never_ offered to take on action items from a meeting I
don't plan to attend, even by implication as here, and I'm certainly not about
to start now.

Of course I'm happy to help people but they need to ask explicitly and
specifically because, at the end of the day, we're all pretty busy.

~~~
blast
To me it reads more as passive-aggressive, not a serious offer to "keep them
updated" but a weasly way of saying "I would prefer not to". Same with
"Unfortunately, I’m not able to attend because of prior scheduling".

