
Two Sources of Stress that (probably) apply to you - dmd149
http://dalethoughts.com/2012/03/two-sources-of-stress-that-probably-apply-to-you/
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yason
Stress comes from change and change means you don't know what will happen.
Coincidentally, you never know in life what will happen so at worst you could
be stressed to max merely for being alive.

There are two approaches to this uninviting uncertainty. Either you try to
block it out or you accept it as a fact of life. In the first case you want to
build as many static and seemingly permanent corners in life as possible,
using methods such as routines and risk-avoidance. In the latter case you set
out to do whatever you must because you don't know if you'll live tomorrow and
you have nothing to lose.

Most people settle with something in between. If you intend to block change,
it will break through somewhere else and you suffer again and that is like
patching a sinking ship. If you intend to accept change, you demand a lot from
yourself and you will certainly be tried for that up to the highest standards,
but you will possibly come out if not enlightened at least balanced and
realistic about life.

Stress is good. It shows you're holding on to something you shouldn't be
holding on to.

~~~
manmal
Exactly. Being unable to accept and digest changes gives you a feeling of
living on the edge (sinking ship), being crushed by life's urge to change you
- it's horrible. I've been there, not long ago.

Aging people often seem to experience that - there are the ones who get along
with their age's demands and sacrifices, while others become addicted to
plastic surgery (patching the ship).

------
manmal
Another source of stress is: Striving to be somewhere else. Whenever you take
a shower, or eat, or lie in bed, and you feel that you ought to be somewhere
else (working) that's stress. That not only applies to whereabouts, but also
to situations like "I should be ready with X so I can take on Y". To reduce
that, you have to establish a clear declaration of working and resting time -
resting means really switching off, not allowing thoughts to pull you back
into work mode.

EDIT: I think the word I would use for countering this type of stress is
"dedication".

~~~
mark_l_watson
Exactly right! If we don't 'live in the moment,' focusing on whatever we are
doing, that is stressful and increases unhappiness. Pardon a cliche, but it is
so very correct: people who live in the past tend to be depressed, people who
live in the future tend to be anxious, and people are generally happy when
they are absorbed in their current activity.

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fufulabs
I think this can be simplified down to a single word - uncertainty. Thats the
cause of stress.

~~~
dmd149
Certainly, but it's a little more nuanced. If the uncertainty is on your end
(the decision making part), then it's fixable.

If, on the other hand it's something completely out of your control (waiting
to see if you were accepted into college), then the uncertainty is of a
different nature.

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powrtoch
Related:

<http://lesswrong.com/lw/th/harder_choices_matter_less/>

~~~
bryanlarsen
That is so true. The way I phrase it is: "the hard choices are the ones where
there is no wrong choice". One of the choices may be slightly "more right"
than the others, but none of them are bad choices and the unknowables
completely swamp the knowables, so just make a decision and move on.

------
mironathetin
The OP describes one of the strategies that David Allen recommends in his
famous book: Getting things done.

It is about freeing the mind for productivity by getting rid of all
distractions. The challenge is to identify the distractions and get them done
immediately.

If you want more discoveries of that kind, this book is very useful.

~~~
AznHisoka
what if your entire job is a distraction?

~~~
rbarooah
stop doing it

~~~
AznHisoka
ok, i will. let's see what happens :)

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rodly
I agree with the author's first point in full. The second I feel is moot.

"Decide what your priorities are quickly and follow through. If you feel
compelled to change your priorities, do it quickly."

You shouldn't do/think/execute anything you regard as a priority unless you
can do so without second-guessing yourself. This is about being content with
your decision, which usually only happens when you've weighed out the
pros/cons and understand most of the implications.

That being said, I agree with manmal that having a "clear declaration of
working and resting time" is hugely important. Otherwise you end up treating
others poorly because when you're spending time with them, you're actually
focusing your attention on stuff you "have" to get done, and as a result you
don't contribute 100% to the current social situation (bad).

------
ed209
It's interesting that the trait of unmade decisions is framed in the context
of stress.

My experience on the flip side is that a couple of kids I went to school with,
who have since been very successful, actually made decisions very quickly. To
the point where some must have just been guesswork or ini-mini-miny-mo
(although no doubt the fact they were successful means it'll be dubbed as
"instinct").

So while I'm still pondering decision 1, they already decided 5 things. Sure,
3 failed, but 2 were good decisions. And since I noticed that in them, I've
noticed it in other successful people.

It's not a broad brush assessment, but something to think about. Two steps
forward and one back it probably better than one step forward in the long run.
So just make the damn decision and see what comes of it.

~~~
Duff
IMO, the unmade decision is a symptom.

In my personal experience, I start deferring things when there's something
else going on that I don't want to deal with. Usually the something else is
that I haven't accepted that I "don't know" something.

------
colonel_panic
"there are good perks (company issued iPhone!)"

That sounds like a source of stress right there. If the company gives you a
phone I assume it means they own your ass every moment of every day.

~~~
SageRaven
It's all perspective, I guess. I was pissed when I joined a shop that
_wouldn't_ give me a phone. I had been cell phone free for 5 years and didn't
want my own. Instead, I get a per-paycheck stipend to cover work-induced
costs.

The up-side, however, is that I felt free to unplug my desk phone and totally
ignore it. For some reason, that _really_ reduced my stress.

------
plf
I came to the same conclusion about a month ago. Some of the examples he
listed I solve by tossing a coin and leaving it up to chance. I only do this
when I really don't care about the outcome. Before tossing the coin, I make
sure of this, if I prefer an outcome, then I don't need to toss. There was a
famous quote that more or less said the same thing.

~~~
bryanlarsen
Tossing a coin is actually a great mechanism for bringing your unconscious
into the decision. Flip the coin. If you suddenly feel yourself wishing it
fell the other way, then your gut is telling you to to go with the other
decision. Most likely your gut doesn't care and you can just go whichever the
coin falls.

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one-man-bucket
Sorry for being off topic, but I thought the correct word would be "applies"
in this sentence. Could anyone educate me, please?

Sinc., a swede

~~~
pmjordan
The subject in this sentence, "two sources of stress," is third person
_plural_. Verbs are only conjugated with -s for third person _singular_ in
English.

One source of stress _applies_

Two sources of stress _apply_

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AznHisoka
my main source of stress is information overload. most of the news and blogs i
read everyday are not directly actionable, and it's taking up mental space.

~~~
sateesh
But what is preventing you from reducing your information overload. Stop
following some of the news,blogs etc. To me though passive information makes
me feel aware , too much of it comes in the way of actively improving oneself.

~~~
bonobo
Information overload can be a huge opponent sometimes. I had a hard time
fighting it, so much that I still consider it a true addiction (and still
avoid falling on the same trap again).

When I started using firefox for the first time (whoa, tabs!), I started
opening dozens of tabs at the same time, thinking I would read them all, one
after another. But I could not, and their contents were interesting enough to
prevent me from closing them. This habit followed for a long time, I installed
a session saver, then I started using a feed reader. I had dozens of
subscriptions and, if I didn't check my feeds for a whole day, soon there
would be a hundred of them in my inbox — and I _had_ to check them, or else I
could lose information.

The stress came from the fear of losing information. It didn't matter if it
were tabs, saved sessions or feeds, the idea of not reading any of those
interesting articles was something hard to accept. I had to learn how to let
this river of information flow without wanting to consume everything. No more
feeds, no more than 9 tabs opened, no more saving sessions. This works for me
now (most of the time).

------
davidw
Is it a coincidence that the title of the next story down (as of right now)
has "Kids" just after the 'you' in the title here?

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sek
This is a great post. This buggs me all the time, but I thought I am the only
one because nobody turned it into words.

~~~
allbombs
ditto

~~~
nitrogen
Since you are new here, rather than downvote you I'll point out that single-
word or otherwise low-content comments are magnets for down votes. If you
agree with another comment and you want to let that commenter know, but don't
want to comment in depth, use the upvote arrow. Hope this helps :)

