
Ask HN: Confidence, how does one go about getting it? - HiroshiSan
After reading some articles such as: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/article1084093.ece it seems that a recurring theme in becoming successful and rich is confidence, among other things. I would like to get my confidence to the level described in the article. How can I do this? How have you guys done it?
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nostrademons
Become successful and rich. Or at least more successful and richer than you
were before.

This is unfortunately recursive, but that's the way it works. You try
something at the edge of your ability and accomplish it. Because you were
successful at that, your confidence goes up. Then you try something harder,
accomplish it, and your confidence goes up again. If you happen to fail at
something, lick your wounds and try again.

Eventually, you don't need to play mindgames with yourself, you just realize
that you're completely capable of doing what you set out to do.

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harnhua
Always challenge yourself and make little, concrete steps towards achieving
bigger goals.

I think it also depends on whether your confidence comes from within or
without. For example, does one need external praise for something one has done
in order to gain confidence? Or is it enough to just personally feel that a
goal set has been well-accomplished?

Becoming successful and rich inspires confidence in a spiral, like what other
posters have said. Faking it but always have something real--be it facts, good
estimates, faith etc. behind to back it up also helps, I think.

Can't say I'm successful and rich, but I am confident and that probably came
from doing things and getting positve feedback about them, and from inspiring
quotes along the lines of, "Confidence, or the lack of it, is entirely up to
you yourself."

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brk
A long time ago something clicked for me and I realized other people have only
as much power over you as you grant them, and the main thing standing in the
way of your own success is yourself.

IMO/IME confidence comes mostly from realizing that almost all failure modes
are, in the grand scheme of things, impermanent and insignificant.

Worry less about what others think, worry less about most consequences, and
just attempt whatever interests you. Pay attention to your mistakes and
incorporate some learning from them in to your next attempt.

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OwlHuntr
Do something you are good at. For instance programming. If you're a decent
programmer, practice and experiment with that until you're really good at
that. Read about Flow. To become a better programmer, I try to take some
absurd idea I have floating around, like an automated Growl notification every
time HN puts up a new tweet, and make it. I use languages like Ruby to get it
done fast and to remove any stupid obstacles like linking errors and missing
includes and yada-yada-yada.

In essence: get better at what you love to do.

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exline
Make something and get someone to buy it. I worked for quite a while on a side
project but always had doubt until the first sale. People giving you money for
something you made is a big confidence boost.

Teach. I've taught a college course for a semester and was the main
trainer/teacher on a product/api we developed. Teaching others something you
know will make you aware of how much you do know and how well you know it. And
it is enjoyable if you don't mind the public speaking part.

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sockpuppet98
I recently experienced a dramatic increase in my confidence level by realizing
one fundamental fact:

I don't need other people's approval to make me happy. I derive my happiness
from things that are very personal to me.

This leads to knowing exactly what I want, not caring about other people's
approval and generally not _needing_ other people or some particular thing to
happen to get what I want out of life.

I now look people directly in the eye and its funny because you would have
sworn I had aspergers before this.

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aymeric
Achieve things, even small things.

Achievements incrementally build confidence.

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aymeric
<http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/article1084093.ece>

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pasbesoin
One quick step (if not the only one): Exercise. It won't solve all you're
problems, but it will make you feel better including about yourself. You don't
have to go to extremes -- just "get in shape" and make it a regular (I'd
suggest daily) routine.

View it as a first step. It may make you comfortable enough to take some of
the subsequent actions you seek.

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adn37
At the office: realize that if you don't have confidence, you are unlikely to
get actively anywhere further (promotion, enhanced responsibilities).

In a word, cross the door, then people will hold it open for you. The opposite
doesn't work.

For everything else: as said by others, plan, iterate, think, correct, repeat.

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fezzl
Be really good at something that people care about.

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mkramlich
One hack I've heard of is to fake it.

Fake it, at least at first. It's a way of bootstrapping yourself into truly
being confident. Act like someone that is confident, and do it enough, and
pretty soon you my find that gosh you've actually become pretty confident!

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mkramlich
It's for sale on the Internet somewhere, I'm sure.

