

Show HN: Feedback on my ebook landing page - jnorthrop

I've just launched a landing page for an ebook that I hope to have out sometime in June but I feel like that dog in the meme "I have no idea what I'm doing."[1] I am not a designer (or copywriter) but I've been hanging out on HN long enough to have a good idea where to go for help. I used Bootstrap[2] for a template, Colour Lovers[3] for a palette and Weebly's homepage[4] for inspiration.<p>Weebly's homepage is fantastic but as much as I tried to keep it simple and powerful, like Weebly, I kept getting bogged down in massive amounts copy. I think this is probably where I need to most help. After visiting the site, do you know what the ebook is about? Are the problems its trying to address apparent?<p>Of course any feedback on copy, design, etc. would be greatly appreciated.<p>URL: http://startupprivacy.com<p>[1]http://ihavenoideawhatiamdoing.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dog_science.jpg<p>[2]http://twitter.github.com/bootstrap<p>[3]http://www.colourlovers.com/palette/292482/Terra<p>[4]http://weebly.com
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ArekDymalski
Hi! My personal (totally subjective)impression after visiting the page is
ambivalent. The text is convincing and well organized ('Pitfalls of others' is
the strongest moment). But the design contradicts the content - I read 'trust'
but can not trust the page. There are 3 factors which cause that (in my case):
font, color-palette and the photo on the cover. Yes, I think that the cover
photo is working against you. It shows a scene which induces negative emotions
- someone who has something to hide. You see it often in the media
(compromised politicians, suspects/accused people, guilty celebs etc.) and
it's associated with negative reactions. As a result when I open the page I
automatically feel aversion. I'd change the pic to something more safe (even
the cliche padlock). The same goes for the color-palette. Once I read that the
beige strongly polarizes people - they after love it or hate it. And combined
with black menu above it looks distressing in my eyes. I'd choose the palette
which is often associated with lawyers: dark green or purple, brown (wood),
brass/gold etc. And that leads us to the choice of font. What about something
what look more 'noble' and 'established' - some serif font? Sure, my
suggestions lead to more 'generic'/cliche design but I think that it might
build more trust (if not overused). Of course these are my subjective opinions
- as always the only way will be to A/B/C test it.

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rmATinnovafy
The Headline is wrong. It does not move me to read the sub-headline.

The sub-headline is in a hard to read color.

Overall, the copy is just not sales-driven.

You seem to be approaching this as a programmer, and not as a sales person. Of
course, you mention knowing nothing about copy writing.

Your best shot is to describe the book as if you were describing it to a
friend.

No long sentences.

No long paragraphs.

Just to the point, but from a first person perspective. Tell people why you
wrote it, and what they will get from it.

Also, your headline has to grab the visitor and pull him into reading the sub-
headline.

Good Luck.

 _Edit_

I'm willing to guide you towards something more effective marketing-wise. But
I'm swamped right now. If you are willing to be patient and are willing to
work on this in a period of two weeks, I can do it.

About me: I'm a programmer/copywriter with about 5-6 years of marketing
experience (and a bit more programming).

My email is my username, but add a .com at the end.

BTW- This for free.

~~~
jnorthrop
Thanks for the tips and the offer to help. I hope you come back to this
post...

> My email is my username, but add a .com at the end. I think I'm missing a
> piece of information to construct the email. Is it a gmail account?

~~~
rmATinnovafy
Sorry I wasn't more specific.

It is

rm at innovafy dot com

If you will, please include a description of the book. In your own words and
detailed.

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helen842000
I think that the word 'reputation' is key to the entire page. I like the part
about 'Customers Love Transparency' it makes me agree with you.

The sets of bullet points are very relevant and make the book seem
informative, actionable and useful. I'd try to make 1 point not run to 2
lines.

The phrase "Master building rock solid trust and reputation" didn't scan quite
right to me. I'd probably change it to something like

"Build rock solid trust and reputation"

I do think injecting a bit of carefully chosen colour would help too. Privacy
policy and law can seem a dry subject so it's up to you to show the importance
and add the colour of your enthusiasm.

For example if you look at a book like The Thank You Economy, a striking
colour scheme and focusing on reputation, trust and relationships makes you
understand the passion the author has for the subject.

~~~
helen842000
Oh and I'd also add the e-mail signup at the bottom of the page again also.

Someone that takes the time to read your entire page, is obviously interested,
don't make them scroll back up to the top to sign up! :)

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arkitaip
If I hadn't read this Show HN before visiting your landing I wouldn't have
known that it was about an ebook. Not only do you _not_ mention this above the
fold but a quick search on [book] only returns 'facebook'.

There's something off about the faux book graphics, so I don't think you can
exclusive rely on it to signal that this is a landing page about an ebook.

The link bar at top makes me think that each link loads a new page. That's a
bit confusing and doesn't really add that much to the design of the site.

The keep Me Posted button is a vague call to action. It should be more direct
and independent, e.g.: "Tell me when I can buy Startup Privacy".

* "The World is Not Standing By" is too cryptic.

* "Avoid The Pitfalls of Others" is great and should be closer to the fold.

~~~
jnorthrop
That is all very good feedback. I'm wondering what I should do about the
graphic. Maybe I should get rid of it altogether -- since this will be an
ebook it is really only there to help visitors recognize that the site is
about a book. Given your point about not recognizing it as an ebook landing
page it looks like it fails in that department anyway.

~~~
arkitaip
Maybe all it really needs is a touch up so that it properly signals BOOK. But
then again, you could use that incredibly valuable space by driving the
visitor to the call of action. Here are some suggestions on how you can do
that:

* testimonials/pull quotes

* powerful bullet list with 5 reasons to buy the book

* some kind of preview/teaser/sample. Even if it's not ready to be publish, why not offer a couple of pages for free?

~~~
arkitaip
I quickly redid the design of the landing page to make it easier to read and
act upon. Obviously just some input for a proper a/b test.

I wanted to add a testimonial or link to an excerpt but it's getting late over
here :)

<http://imgur.com/fEV6Q>

~~~
jnorthrop
That is super helpful. You have gone above and beyond! I owe you one.

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chris_p
The "Keep me posted" button shouldn't be red! It looks dangerous, no way I'm
clicking that.

~~~
arkitaip
This sounds like rationalizing to me. OP should a/b test this to make sure
what to use.

~~~
helen842000
I think red/green buttons should certainly be A/B tested

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mikecane
eBooks are my thing.

The overall feel of the page is that of spammy and sleazy "eBook" sites. The
wide margins with text in the center in a Too Damn Long scroll. At the end I
expected a Two For One Offer so I could Start Making Money Now.

~~~
jnorthrop
Thanks for that. Do you have a good example of someone doing it better? It
ended up long because there is so much I want to say. Do you think it would be
better reformatted as a couple of larger blocks of text?

~~~
arkitaip
I don't agree with parent: the design isn't sleazy at all. If anything I think
your design needs more WOW, not less. There's no sense of drama that
highlights the importance of the topic (but you got something with the "Avoid
The Pitfalls of Others" section which, if redesigned, could be incredibly
useful).

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jnorthrop
Clickable: <http://startupprivacy.com>

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pkamb
The hero image there doesn't look like a book. It looks like an awkwardly
skewed image.

