
Why Shame Stifles Creativity and How to Unwrap the Gift of Curiosity - Elof
https://medium.com/swlh/how-shames-stifles-curiosity-dee65e1aa65a
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kylek
>> I’ve been hearing and reading the phrase “be yourself” for what seems like
decades, but only in the past few days have I mustered the courage to really
question what that might mean. My default assumption was that it’s not
possible to be anyone but myself: whoever I am being, that’s who I am.

Always had trouble with this myself. This section made me think of Alan Watts
and his "How to be a genuine fake" talk[0]

[0]
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0q5pXis4a8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0q5pXis4a8)

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agumonkey
there's a bit of stoic interpretation in that whatever you are, shy, or else,
don't feel bad about it, don't force change on you

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neom
Learning how you play, and remembering to play as an adult is in my opinions
one of the most important things one can do for their mental health. As well
as finding great people like Duncan to play with. Life is so short, yet so
long and stressful, playing is a great way to remember the miracle that is
around us.

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pm90
Agreed 100%. It seems like most adults forget the joy that can be had with
play, and just the endless possibilities to play when you're an adult.

I did not appreciate the power of a sense of humor, but IMO it kinda ties into
this. Humor is essentially "playing" with language.

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appleiigs
I was really curious when reading the title, but think this is pretty poorly
written article.

I don't know what this article is saying. Someone help me out. First he tells
a story about how a teacher was passionate about a topic, but he wasn't. Then
a story about he was passionate, but adult figure was not.

How shame gets weaved into this? Something about being yourself? But he was
being himself with the french teacher.

Also, why does an adult who tries to steer him in a certain direction by
"saying in a derisive tone, 'Don’t you want to go to the park and have an ice
cream with me instead?'" gets called a abusive narcissist. Also "simply
ignorant, unaware, and wrapped up in his own pain". As an adult, I think
influencing kids in a certain direction is part of the job? Maybe this adult
could have done it better, but going to park and have an ice cream isn't too
bad of an attempt.

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rosser
When a child expresses curiosity, an adult who responds in a manner that
involves a dismissive "instead" should probably seriously reconsider their
life choices — especially the ones that led to them interacting with children
in the first place.

Clearly, in this account, the adult's manner made the child feel awkward about
their interest and curiosity. I remember countless times as a child being
interested in something, or curious about how it worked, only to be told I was
being annoying, or distracting, or rambunctious, or whatever. Some of those
curiosities continued, and led to me becoming a technologist. Others, I can't
even remember what I was interested in — just the feeling of having had my
emotions manipulated by an adult, so that I wouldn't be "in their way".

It is, in the general case, shitty adulting to shut children down like that.

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openfuture
A definition of 'shame' that was very enlightening for me is 'that which stops
you from doing what you want to do' (maybe 'desire' would be better than
'want' here).

Really helped me pattern match for unnecessary inhibitors in my life and
become more relaxed.

Shame is a huge source of anxiety for people and really overused by society. I
think a lot of recent movements are a reaction to this but for those of us
who'd like to be fairly nondescript it can be a bit too much to respond with
such flamboyance, just being careful about what you allow to induce guilt in
you can be a huge step.

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elpakal
Interesting read. Reminds me of Google’s concept of ‘Psychological Safety’.

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dredmorbius
Expand, or reference?

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elpakal
[https://rework.withgoogle.com/guides/understanding-team-
effe...](https://rework.withgoogle.com/guides/understanding-team-
effectiveness/steps/foster-psychological-safety/)

