

Ask HN: how to decently ditch a job - throwaway999

Longtime user here, you know the drill.<p>Long story short: I took on a project I thought I would like, for a client I've got to be friends with, and which am competent for. 4 weeks later I've barely scratched at it, which is going to cause problems for him (competitive entry deadline) and raise the expense. I am an asshole.<p>Why? I've been moving away from that area of work, I agreed to do it for too little money which I don't need anyway, and the project arrived to me months late and with stuff missing. I should have said no, but I'm not good at that.<p>Mitigating factors: I have had some medical and domestic problems, which are genuine concerens. But they are not big obstacles, more like this project was the obstacle to the momentum I had going to deal with the other issues. The more I felt it was a distraction from ym important goals, the less I wanted to work on it, the less I wanted to work the more time I spent perfecting irrelevant marginal aspects (ie sharpening my tools because I'm gonna start on this <i>any time now</i>...), the longer that has gone one the more embarrassed I felt to pick up the phone and beg off.<p>I am late, the work is not done, I have let someone down, I am largely to blame and have made the situation worse by failing to deal with it. Although it will be hideously unpleasant, I am going to just admit this was what happened rather than cook up an excuse...external problems exist, but the failure to cope is all mine.<p>My question is short: what should I say besides 'sorry'?<p>The obvious answer would be to commit to done and have daily checkins or something, but I already loathe even thinking about this project although that is no fault of the originator, it's because of how it makes me feel about myself. I feel strongly that I should terminate my involvement, for both our sakes. In past tight corners I have gritted my teeth and pulled through, and been mad with myself afterwards for limping over a finish line.
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chrisclark1729
Just say you need to move on. The longer you wait the worse it gets. Let them
know without going into excruciating detail that it's better FOR BOTH OF YOU
(be sure to emphasize the benefits of not relying on someone who doesn't want
to be there). In the long run the client/friend will respect you more for
being honest and saving them from someone who will do sub-par work.

And as someone who would similarly struggle with this type of problem, I can
definitely say you should rehearse what you want to say beforehand and stick
to that.

Best of luck!

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throwaway999
Thanks. Nobody will go bust or anything, but a letdown is worse than if I had
rejected him in the first place.

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alanthonyc
Can you find somebody else who would do a better job than you? It sounds like
you have a responsibility to your friend, one which you took on yourself. This
means do everything you can to get the job done, even if you're not the one
personally hands-on doing the work.

If you bail, it would be a deserved ding on your credibility, I'm sure you
would agree.

