
You probably know to ask yourself “What do I want?” Here’s a way better question - pps
https://qz.com/584874/you-probably-know-to-ask-yourself-what-do-i-want-heres-a-way-better-question/
======
RangerScience
> what pain do you want in your life?

> A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered
> before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to
> struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our
> lives turn out.

> The daily drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a group and
> rehearsing, the pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up
> and give a shit. The broken strings, the blown tube amp, hauling 40 pounds
> of gear to and from rehearsals with no car. It’s a mountain of a dream and a
> mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is
> that I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the top.

It's an amazing point, but the article's kind of meh; I think these two
selections convey the TL;DR.

It also rings SUPER true. A few times in my life now, it's felt like the
Universe has handed me what I asked for... only with strings attached that I
couldn't stomach.

I also keep thinking back to a friend who's immensely passionate about
gardening and food. I met her when she was a Disney Imagineer, and now _other
people_ fly her around the world, so she can live in their houses and cook
them food. And any time I think or encounter anything interesting food
related? She's who I turn too. Watching her trajectory is seriously changing
my idea as to what "passion" is, looks like, and results in.

~~~
sean_patel
> it's felt like the Universe has handed me what I asked for... only with
> strings attached that I couldn't stomach.

This. Very beautifully put. I've had a similar experience w.r.t. my chosen
career. I was a boxing standout in the amateurs, and despite all the "heads-
up" I received (unsolicited) from my Indian Uncles and Aunties, I was drawn to
sport for 2 reasons.

1) The glamour of a Prize Fighter, making a ton of $ and getting all the women
(Ali , Sugar Ray Robinson, Roberto Duran are all said to have had women lining
outside their hotel room after a fight)

2) I was very gifted and being Indian-American I was told that I would have a
great "outside the ring" story that would be intriguing and sell tickets etc.

I was walking down opponents with ease and was winning shut-outs (on
scorecards). Got noticed at the National level, even got inquiries from the
folks running the Olympic Trials. Then, 1 day, I was sparring without head-
gear and walked right into a straight right. My nose was broken and I was
bleeding for a while. It hurt so much. That's when I realized I literally
didn't have the stomach to take a real beating, not to mention the head-shots
that cause long-term brain damage. Until that night, I never gave the health-
concerns any real thought.

I slept over it, and the next day, I told my coach (in person) that I was
done. I was expecting him to convince me to stay on because he was with me for
nearly 10 years and he had great plans for me, but he said nothing. He later
told me that my eyes told him all he needed to know.

In that sense, you could say that I couldn't stomach the "down side" of being
a Boxer. And so here I am, a code-monkey sitting inside a cube, talking to my
computer. Oh well.

I still feel like I "pussied-out" because in Boxing, you need 3 things to be
successful - Ring-IQ (it's a thinking man's sport), the Chin (or you get KOed
easily) and Heart (will-power).

I guess I didn't have the heart.

~~~
Vanit
Great story, thanks for sharing!

------
acconrad
Better to at least try something out and find it not worth pursuing to the
all-star level than not at all. That's another funny thing about us Americans,
success is an all-or-nothing endeavor: if you pursue a passion and it doesn't
lead to total domination and fulfillment, it must be a failure.

I, too, had dreams of being a musician. I started a band in college, we played
a bunch of times, made an EP and played for literally thousands of people. But
we never toured the country, and after talking with lots of other bands,
realized it wasn't worth it.

Same thing with DJing. I've opened for international acts and played in front
of thousands at hundreds of gigs. But to "make it" I'd have to suck up to a
slimy industry that just wasn't worth it to me. But I don't consider it a
failure that I didn't turn into Calvin Harris because I didn't want it bad
enough. I pursued a passion to a certain level, and realized the roadblock to
achieving the next level wasn't worth it to me.

To me this all just seems part of being human. You try a bunch of stuff until
some of it sticks. I'd provide further advice that you _at least try_. Better
to fail/try and know the fantasy isn't worth it, than never try at all and
wonder for the rest of your life.

~~~
sean_patel
> But to "make it" I'd have to suck up to a slimy industry that just wasn't
> worth it to me.

Wow! Didn't know that about the DJ-ing Industry. My nephew is all into the EDM
scene. 15 years old. Should I break it to him, or let him find out himself?

Also, you are a software engineer I take it? If not, what is your current
profession? Just curious :)

~~~
acconrad
Let him find out himself. Maybe he can hack it, maybe he can't, but also maybe
he'll be okay with partial success. Better to let him explore and decide than
decide for him.

Yes, I am a software engineering by profession :)

~~~
sean_patel
Thank you :)

------
pps
And if you want to improve your resilience, you can study stoicism. You can
start your journey with
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/faq](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/faq)

There is also good book: "Developing Resilience: A Cognitive-Behavioural
Approach" by Michael Neenan

------
pps
This is another good article about developing discipline and doing hard
things:

"At some point, to be healthy, you do need to suck it up and eat some
broccoli! And for many days in a row. Or, more to the point: The “failure
point” with any new system; any method of improvement; any proposed solution
to a life problem or an organization problem, is when the homeostatic
regulation kicks in, when we realize some part of it will be hard, new, or
unnatural." [https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2016/10/eat-the-
broccoli/](https://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2016/10/eat-the-broccoli/)

------
squozzer
Reading this, a certain passage from The Screwtape Letters popped into my head
-- rather incompletely, so I found the passage and bring it here.

"The Enemy allows this disappointment to occur on the threshold of every human
endeavour. It occurs when the boy who has been enchanted in the nursery by
Stories from the Odyssey buckles down to really learning Greek. It occurs when
lovers have got married and begin the real task of learning to live together.
In every department of life it marks the transition from dreaming aspiration
to laborious doing. The Enemy takes this risk because He has a curious fantasy
of making all these disgusting little human vermin into what He calls His
‘free’ lovers and servants—’sons’ is the word He uses, with His inveterate
love of degrading the whole spiritual world by unnatural liaisons with the
two-legged animals. Desiring their freedom, He therefore refuses to carry
them, by their mere affections and habits, to any of the goals which He sets
before them: He leaves them to ‘do it on their own’. And there lies our
opportunity. But also, remember there lies our danger. If once they get
through this initial dryness successfully, they become much less dependent on
emotion and therefore much harder to tempt...."

------
calebm
"Suffer the pain of discipline, or suffer the pain of regret.”

