
The Lonely End: in aging Japan, thousands die alone and unnoticed - Thevet
http://roadsandkingdoms.com/2015/the-lonely-end/
======
chvid
The article is written is if this is unique to Japan. But lonely deaths,
unnoticed for months happens every day in every (modern) society. And it is
mostly men.

------
themodelplumber
I used to help out in roujin hoomu (homes for the elderly) when I was a
missionary in Japan. Meeting Japanese people who worked there and really gave
a care was a huge experience for me. They genuinely tried their hardest to
make the experience pleasant in these under-budgeted, dreary places. While we
Americans were just a temporary sideshow, they were there to help for as long
as they could live off the salary. Makes me sad but also a bit hopeful that
those waves could build up over time. If I ever go back I will happily
exchange my fascination with Manga or cool stationery or whatever for some
more time trying to help out.

------
fuzzythinker
A very good related movie: Departures
[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1069238](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1069238)

------
Futurebot
Loneliness is deadly:
[http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_exa...](http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2013/08/dangers_of_loneliness_social_isolation_is_deadlier_than_obesity.html)

The "epidemic of loneliness" has spread to many places. If you haven't read
"The Lonely American" I implore you to do so if you care about this topic at
all. An incredibly sobering read.

Book blurb:

"In today's world, it is more acceptable to be depressed than to be lonely-yet
loneliness appears to be the inevitable byproduct of our frenetic contemporary
lifestyle. According to the 2004 General Social Survey, one out of four
Americans talked to no one about something of importance to them during the
last six months. Another remarkable fact emerged from the 2000 U.S. Census:
more people are living alone today than at any point in the country's
history—fully 25 percent of households consist of one person only.

In The Lonely American, cutting-edge research on the physiological and
cognitive effects of social exclusion and emerging work in the neurobiology of
attachment uncover startling, sobering ripple effects of loneliness in areas
as varied as physical health, children's emotional problems, substance abuse,
and even global warming. Surprising new studies tell a grim truth about social
isolation: being disconnected diminishes happiness, health, and longevity;
increases aggression; and correlates with increasing rates of violent crime.
Loneliness doesn't apply simply to single people, either—today's busy parents
'cocoon' themselves by devoting most of their non-work hours to children,
leaving little time for friends, and other forms of social contact, and
unhealthily relying on the marriage to fulfill all social needs."

Here's an article for Britain:

[http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-
families/...](http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-
families/features/the-loneliness-epidemic-more-connected-than-ever-but-
feeling-more-alone-10143206.html)

It's everywhere.

------
justifier
is this a causation correlation issue of generations?

could i die alone without any great effort to do so having grown up on the
internet?

i have seen promotional material for teaching seniors computer skills.. and
there seem to be so many similar services and efforts that a search was unable
to lead me to the specific video..

the internet is filled with a mess of stuff but within there are many
communities covering very many interests

why imagine yourself alone?

~~~
mirimir
I didn't grow up on the Internet, but I have gotten a lot older on it. I'm
married and social, so I probably won't die alone, unless I flee and hide ;)
But it's clearly much easier to meet people online who share my interests.

------
anovikov
It doesn't seem to have much to do with the eldery age, or even (physical)
sickness. None of the people described have been at very old age, or
terminally sick. This is just an illustration of how limited is society based
on collectivism, obedience and hard work. It helped them out a great lot in
the industrial age, and even then made many of them mentally broken, or
outright sick, and completely stopped working in the post-industrial era.

~~~
unabst
> how limited is society based on collectivism, obedience and hard work.

So you are implying a society based on independence, rebellion, and slacking
would do better at treating its elderly?

Whether a culture cares for its elders only has to do whether they care for
their elders, and in Japan they do. Making any other association is racism.

The fact is only because they care have they associated a dreadful term
"lonely death" that anyone can relate with and fear, and have made it the
center of social debate.

The fact is the US doesn't talk about this problem. They don't even have a
word for it. But statistically more seniors live alone at 28% vs 20%.

In fact, I don't know of a culture that cares more for their elderly than
Japan. They care so much that the way they've highlighted the problem has made
western headlines. If that isn't proactivism at its finest, I do not know what
is.

They're even voluntarily combing neighborhoods to identify elders living alone
so that the police and local help workers can be aware.

Yes, there is ageism in the workplace, and there are those that are blatantly
ageist, as there are anywhere, but Google has been cited for ageism, and to
many they epitomize modern western corporate (IT) culture. Granted, the west
certainly provides more tools to do something about professional ageism, but
to generalize that obedient, hard working people go crazy and die alone in a
culture that couldn't care less is the exact opposite of what is really
happening.

I would add that the younger generation are less obedient and do not work as
hard. There is a word they gave this problem too, and it is _yutori-sedai_.

refs: [http://www.aplaceformom.com/blog/10-17-14-facts-about-
senior...](http://www.aplaceformom.com/blog/10-17-14-facts-about-senior-
isolation/)
[http://www8.cao.go.jp/kourei/whitepaper/w-2013/gaiyou/s1_2_1...](http://www8.cao.go.jp/kourei/whitepaper/w-2013/gaiyou/s1_2_1.html)
[http://www.bloomberg.com/bw/articles/2013-02-28/in-japan-
the...](http://www.bloomberg.com/bw/articles/2013-02-28/in-japan-the-rising-
cost-of-elder-care-and-dying-alone)
[http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/06/05/us-column-
miller-a...](http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/06/05/us-column-miller-aging-
idUSKBN0EG1ZM20140605) [http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/06/05/us-column-
miller-a...](http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/06/05/us-column-miller-aging-
idUSKBN0EG1ZM20140605)
[https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E3%82%86%E3%81%A8%E3%82%8A%E4...](https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E3%82%86%E3%81%A8%E3%82%8A%E4%B8%96%E4%BB%A3)

~~~
anovikov
In every culture or country, the elderly will have a higher chance to live
alone than the population in general, simply because they spouses have died. I
thought that was pretty logical, and unavoidable.

Again, the article in question did not tell much about the very old people. 60
year old man with a heart condition? In a country where life expectancy at
birth for males is 81.13 years? He wasn't old at all, he could marry and live
a happy life for another about 30 years, that's what life expectancy for males
at 60 in Japan is. This is not about ageism, nor about treatment of the
eldery. It is simply about how people are systematically depressed and feel
lost, having worked for industrial super-machine their whole life - a machine
which is now gone.

~~~
unabst
> It is simply about how people are systematically depressed and feel lost,
> having worked for industrial super-machine their whole life - a machine
> which is now gone

This has nothing to do with the youth caring for the lone elderly. That is
what this story is about. There is no story in the US not because the elderly
aren't dying alone, but because the youth don't care. And more are dying in
the US. And plenty are dying everywhere.

Just because a culture made a reputation for itself as hard working and
obedient it does not follow that there is systematic depression. If you don't
care to highlight the real cause of this completely separate problem, then you
are just racist.

Also, many who are dying in their 80s and 90s retired long ago. There are even
stories of working elders happier and healthier for having the motivation and
exercise they otherwise would not have. Japanese work ethic has nothing to do
with this story or with your drawn bigoted conclusions.

------
pcrh
>We enter the world alone, we leave the world alone.

...or...

>For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone.

~~~
yellowapple
Unless you were born in a vat, you probably didn't enter the world alone.

~~~
cko
I interpret it as "we enter the world greeted by a bunch of strangers" and
"when we die no one follows us to the other side".

------
mattm
My wife is a hospice nurse here in Japan visiting terminally ill patients at
their homes.

She comes home with many different stories. Some people are incredibly wealthy
but their family doesn't want anything to do with them so they basically wait
to die alone. Some people are poor and mentally ill and are basically living
in dumps with rodents running around. Some people do have good situations in
which they are cared for and can die surrounded by loved ones.

My wife is the only person I've met who wants to die young (around 40 or 50).
Death is usually hidden from our lives - especially when we're young and only
comes up infrequently.

While some people who are poor do use their service due to government
subsidies, a lot of people don't and there is no public service for the
elderly. Stories like this will become much more common over the next 20 years
as a huge proportion of the Japanese populations passes on.

~~~
mc32
Instead of the elderly living in homes/apartments by themselves, why not try
to get them to live in elderly communities where they can engage with other
elderpeople and have caregivers oversee their journey into eol.

@timhon, I meant as a society, why not invest in elderly communities. Their
pop is only going to get older, so it behooves them to address this option.

As, a side note, there is a curious phenomenon of relatives going along with
the rouse of their dead elders living so they can cash their checks. Seems to
be in the news on occasion.

~~~
jodrellblank
Why not put untouchables in communities where they can engage with other
untouchables, with software monitors which call robot helpers if there's a
problem and they are dying of loneliness and despair unacceptably quickly.

As long as it all happens to _them_ , at a distance, and we're not having to
get involved, eh?

~~~
intended
That's basically segregation/caste systems and the foundation of ensuring that
the rest of the population considers it "that groups problem." And a few short
steps from "god what is their problem."

It's the opposite of what you want a group to do, which is to engage with the
problem, internalize it and reduce barriers with other humans.

------
rjuyal
This is scary. This is the first time I read such article. I live alone, never
married ( no plans to marry either ), have no friends. I have a decent job
though.

This article scares me.

~~~
Tistel
Me too. I live in a city far from where I grew up. Good job. Lots of money.
Don't know a soul.

~~~
branchless
Do something like go joint meetup.com. If you job isn't something like brain
surgeon or another essential item then it's the old adage: nobody ever wished
they had spent more time at work on their death bed.

~~~
robocat
> go joint meetup.com

Not really a fan of that advice (although better than no action) - I believe
it is difficult to avoid shallow connections with a shifting group of people.

I personally (A) choose to share accommodation (shared house), (B) live in a
part of the city that has that community feel (not the "best" neighborhood).
Now meaningful long-term connections just happen without trying (in fact it
would take effort to avoid it).

------
facepalm
If only there was something like World Of Warcraft that is suitable for the
elderly.

I'm not joking. I keep wondering if I should introduce my grandma to such a
game, but I live far away and they all seem too complicated. Would be happy
about suggestions.

~~~
evan_
Bridge, or chess, or mah-Jong, or any number of other games. Sudoku, different
solitaire variations, crosswords...

~~~
facepalm
Sure, but they might lack the social aspect of MMORPGs (guilds?)?

And what would be good sites for those games?

~~~
evan_
> they might lack the social aspect of MMORPGs (guilds?)?

The first games I listed are highly social though with a relatively small
number of players in a single session.

> And what would be good sites for those games?

local community centers, senior living centers, coffee shops, parks, private
residences, etc.

~~~
facepalm
I meant online games. A lot of elderly people are not really mobile anymore,
after several falls and broken hips.

------
cousin_it
That's a big problem with technological progress. It fulfills more and more of
our needs, making it harder and harder to fulfill our _need to be needed_.
Sure, you can give everyone basic income and robot caretakers, but people who
aren't needed by other people will still suffer. I would much prefer it if
society somehow changed itself to want and need all of its members, not just
the young productive desirable ones. That's a kind of utopia I've never read
about, it just kind of crystallized in my mind after years of thinking about
this.

~~~
polarix
That sounds insanely dystopian to me, for the fact that any member of that
society is viscerally dependent on others -- anyone who claims to value
freedom needs to think again.

Being needed is crucially instrumental toward controlling one's own experience
in the current environment. But why would it ever be a terminal value?

~~~
cousin_it
If it's only an instrumental value, how do you work around it? Put people in
holodecks and give them illusions of loving friends? Or modify people's minds
to make them content with not having any loving friends, because they already
have guaranteed food/shelter/entertainment? I think many people wouldn't agree
to either of those alternatives. They want to "actually" have someone who
cares about them, whatever that means.

~~~
polarix
They might be given that kind of control without their will.

Sorry to get all Jed-McKenna-Theory-Of-Everything here, but no being has proof
that they are not in such a situation. In fact it is arguably the only
consistent possibility.

Expect that pure power would eventually (partially) allow itself to experience
a situation without the ability to recall its own construction of that
situation. (Imagining temporal bounds for that situation can be a helpful way
of thinking about it from the human perspective, but of course temporality is
a construction within the limited frame rather than something inherent.)

------
ChuckMcM
Sad but not uncommon I think. There was a guy who had a radio show that
interviewed people with odd jobs. One such jobs was sort of like Toru's but
was "special cleaning". Basically the guy started a business to clean up crime
scenes. But found that most of his business came from landlords and others
discovering deceased elders in their rooms. His suggestion was to crawl your
grandparents from time to time to say hi. Several times he had cleaned up
places where the person had simply fallen and then died where they were
because they could not get up to get any help.

This is probably especially challenging with people who don't have relatives
or the relatives never check up on them.

~~~
mc32
This could be addressed with monitoring. We have more and more alternatives to
choose from. Either from external sensors (movement within the house, toilet
usage, phone activity, bank account activity; or, alternatively, from devices
worn by the people. This would be a great use of the IoT.

~~~
minikomi
There's a boiling water pot in Japan which will send an sms to you when it's
used - since making tea / miso soup is so integral to the lives of especially
the elderly here. The idea is if you don't get your morning SMS from gradma's
pot something might be up.

Edit : this is the pot
[http://www.mimamori.net/service/index.html](http://www.mimamori.net/service/index.html)

~~~
tsotha
That's kind of clever.

------
JesperRavn
Why are there so many stories HN on social problems in Asia? I would have
expected that smart people on HN would make some effort to understand
Orientalism[0]. In the case of this story, this is a phenomenon that is
occurring all around the developed world. Japan is in many ways just another
developed country. But through the eyes of Orientalism, Japan's problems are
unique and quaint, and the objective Westerner can dispose some sage
wisdom[1].

[0]
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orientalism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orientalism)

[1] I don't want to pick on anyone, but there are already some great examples
in the thread.

~~~
unabst
There certainly are cases of orientalist depiction in journalism, but I don't
feel that is the case here. It could simply be the case that the volume of
their social debate is loud enough that it is being picked up by other
countries, because, as you say, it is a common problem.

As it turns out, senior isolation is at 28% in the US vs 20% in Japan. In the
US, we don't even talk about it. To me, that is a far more serious problem.

~~~
SolaceQuantum
I would argue that it's not because the volume of the social debate is louder
in Japan than the states. It's because of a tendency to see another country's
problems from outside the country allows journalism articles like this.

I'm sure there are plenty of articles in other countries talking about how
Americans are having an elderly crisis that no one is talking about, as well.
Certain things like leaving your elderly in a retirement home away from the
family are downright unthinkable. My parents (Chinese, I'm a 1st gen Chinese
American) have told me they don't want me to treat them like the Americans
treat their parents (e.g. putting your grandma in a nursing home to rot
alone). I'm sure they get this from their own Chinese media sources.

------
littletimmy
This is so sad. Dying alone is more frightening than death itself. It is
articles like this that force me to stop working so hard and spend more time
with family.

~~~
abawany
I genuinely want to know: why is that frightening? I have thought through this
a few times and I did not come to this conclusion at all.

~~~
no1youknowz
I don't understand it either. Why is it frightening?

I also didn't quite understand the family comment either. Whose family are you
talking about?

When you are born, you have your mom (and possibly Dad) around you. But as you
grow older, Mom and Dad will pass away and you'll thus be alone. Unless you
have kids, you'll die alone.

Even if you do have kids, life happens. I know plenty of people who don't talk
to their kids or they hate their mom or dad and there is no relation. Thus
some people have died alone.

I think some people have this fantasy, that they are on their death bed and
there is 3 generations weeping around them.

Sorry, but is this even true any more? Quite honestly for me. I'm quite happy
to leave as unnoticed.

Oh and another thing. Friends. Unless you make seriously good friends and not
those on facebook or acquaintances. They may be around you a long time. But I
have rarely met someone in their 50s/60s that still knows their childhood
friends.

So strike that one off the list. I think a life well-meant is what you did
with it. Rather than who is in it.

~~~
icebraining
_I think some people have this fantasy, that they are on their death bed and
there is 3 generations weeping around them. Sorry, but is this even true any
more?_

Well, at least here in my Southern European country, it sure is. While there
are many more elderly people dying alone than a couple of decades ago, I'd say
most people I know still keep in close contact with their parents and
grandparents, and they spend their last days (usually in the hospital) with
them.

In fact, that's one thing I always found disconcerting in online conversations
with US Americans - the willingness to just move hundreds of miles from their
parents and grandparents. I've never considered myself a family-oriented
person -I've always disliked family reunions and the "you have to go visit
your great-uncle"\- but the idea of leaving now, when my grandmothers probably
just have a few more years to live, just sounds so ungrateful and selfish :|

~~~
vezzy-fnord
_In fact, that 's one thing I always found disconcerting in online
conversations with US Americans - the willingness to just move hundreds of
miles from their parents and grandparents._

In practice, this doesn't seem to occur often:
[http://phys.org/news/2010-05-americans-surprisingly-
mothers....](http://phys.org/news/2010-05-americans-surprisingly-mothers.html)

------
civilian
> _His epiphany came when his current partner told him how she had lost her
> grandmother. Unlike Koremura’s loss, her grandmother had died alone—a
> kodokushi. It was seeing the deep regret in her, and accepting his own
> ennui, that made Koremura finally take action. He left his job as a
> stockbroker and set up his own removal company dedicated to the cleanup of
> kodokushi victims. He wanted to give something back to the generation of his
> grandmother, and he also wanted to change who he was. “I was ready for the
> prospect of change, but looking back, perhaps I wasn’t quite so ready for
> how different my life was to become,” he remembers._

It's odd that Toru Koremura's reaction to lonely elderly deaths was to go into
the corpse-cleaning-up business, rather than starting a social outreach
program for the lonely elderly. I understand there's dignity in how we treat
the dead, but it doesn't solve the problem at all.

~~~
teek
Japan is incredibly stubborn and ignorant when it comes to addressing core
social and psychological problems in their society. It isn't even recognized
by most of the population so when people begin to complain of their own social
issues or depression, people around them will slowly distance themselves from
that person. As a result, most people will choose to hide their issues until
it is unbearable. At the point they feel they cannot continue is when they do
something drastic which includes suicide.

If you bring the problem to light, people will just shy away from the debate
(Japanese avoid arguments at all costs) and act ignorant. So to anyone that
understands Japanese culture, Koremura's response is understandable. At least
in the position he is in, he can do _something_.

~~~
smil
How has your country (you must be American) distinguished itself by doing
these same core social and psychological issues? Or are Americans stubborn and
ignorant?

~~~
SixSigma
Britains of a certain age are stoic and stubborn.

I was in hospital with my gran (born in 1922) in ICU (a pulse of 33bpm - and
turns out she had kidney failure too), when alone with me she was gripping my
hand and saying "this is the worst I have ever felt", when a few minutes later
the doctor arrive d and asked "how are you feeling?" she replied "I'm fine
thank you".

I think the current crop of younger people will be more vocal, if their sense
of entitlement about their current lives is anything to go by.

~~~
mgkimsal
Not stoic so much, but my uk wife sliced her hand open on a can of cat food
(in the US). 3 inch gash right across her palm. Bleeding. A lot. Wrapped it up
in towel and said "we're going to the emergency room, get in the car". She
replied "oh no, I don't want to bother them, they might be busy."

------
FrankenPC
In my mind I see this as a social health crisis. The elderly provide an
unbelievable amount of wisdom to the next generation. By abandoning them, we
abandon our children's future. I think of the elderly as an essential vitamin
for children. They impart valuable social memes and at the same time tell the
children, by there mere existence in their lives, that we value our family and
when the children's time comes to age and pass away, they can expect to be
valued as well.

In other words, by abandoning our elderly, we're sending a clear message to
our children that human life has no inherent value if you can't produce. No
wonder children in industrialized nations can't seem to feel a sense of
belonging.

~~~
Spooky23
Society is bizarre in innumerable ways. The number of people who I know that
have contempt for children or people having children is repugnant to me. I
think the disdain for the young and old is a sign of decadence.

~~~
reddytowns
Having children is the single most damaging thing to the environment a person
will realistically do in their lifetime.

Edit: why all the downvotes?

~~~
tsotha
The way I see it the environment exists for people. Otherwise it has no use at
all.

~~~
Johnythree
> the environment exists for people. Otherwise it has no use at all.

There's some disgusting and ignorant comments on this page, but this one takes
the prize.

~~~
tsotha
"Disgusting and ignorant"? Because I don't share your religion? That's pretty
narrow minded.

~~~
Johnythree
What???

Your religion claims that the universe is here just for mankind's benefit? You
really believe that?

This planet was here for millions of years before mankind came along, and
hopefully will be here for millions afterwards.

~~~
reagency
There is nothing you can ever do to destroy the planet. Check your hubris.
Most of what you like about the planet is _its suitability for human life_ ,
which is to say, it isn't the planet you like, but your descendants.

