
The Most Important Skill You Can Cultivate - maikch
https://medium.com/reflections-of-andres/the-most-important-skill-you-can-cultivate-ea364548d5dd
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diego_moita
I beg to disagree. You need to be careful with what you accept. Little by
little, small things pile up and make a big difference.

Some examples:

* Nasty managers. You go on accepting one issue here and other there and the guy will just get worse and worse.

* Collapsing countries, such as most of Latin America and Caribbean. You go on accepting some crime because "shit happens" until you are in a place where you just can't raise your kids without fear.

I used to think like that when living in South America. But when my oldest son
was born I just said to myself: enough is enough, gotta get out of here; I
don't want this as a future for him.

~~~
xutopia
If you read the article he's not saying you should put up with bullshit but
that the bullshit you have to put up with should not bring you down. The
distinction is huge. I'm pretty sure that he'd agree with your point that
allowing BS to accumulate is not a good way to live your life.

~~~
humanrebar
I'm on board with that, but I find that many (most?) people "reason" by
estimating the magnitude of emotional impact.

That is, if I'm "zen" when people do things they shouldn't, to me or to people
I care about, then people take that as "I only kind of care". I can politely
spell out that it's not OK, that it needs to stop, etc., but some people do
not think you are serious unless you are in some sort of heightened emotional
state.

So, because they don't see an emotional escalation, when request turn into
repercussions (like quitting a job or dis-inviting a guest), then people feel
blindsided because I didn't communicate well in their terms (emotionally).

I'm not sure how to resolve this phenomenon. Could I escalate externally while
staying innerly peaceful? Do I spell out consequences, basically laying down
ulitmatums?

~~~
ignoramceisblis
I think that's something that you'll have to find out for yourself. One
potential outcome would be that you lose your inner peace in an attempt to
display your lack of control over a situation (or whatever emotions people
believe you display).

But you bring up a very important matter, which seems to be more pronounced
now with ubiquitous social media (more people having an outlet to act): many
people seem to believe those who act "emotional" \- eg. frightened, angry,
happy - even if that act is a fraud. I think this is a major problem. Those
acting the lie would disagree, but it can result in our resources being
directed towards dead-end or harmful ways (such as efforts that benefit the
deceiver most of all), especially at a time when our collective priorities
matter so much.

My humble opinion would be to be true to yourself, and direct your attention
and energy towards constructive actions, whenever possible.

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anvandare
The most important skill is the meta-skill: the skill to acquire and improve
skills. This requires resilience, patience, self-critical thinking, etc.

A beginning hacker uses tools. An advanced hacker improves tools. A great
hacker invents tools. An enlightened hacker sees (and invents/improves/uses)
himself as a tool.

------
id_rsa
I started working on resilience about a month ago after reading a post on HN
regarding stoicism. I didn't know about stoicism prior to reading the post. In
a short time it has had a positive impact on my life. Certain things just
don't seem so stressful anymore.

~~~
TheLilHipster
Pragmatism, stoicism, resilience. morality.

It's the mental "gym" for living a healthy, happy life.

------
fenwick67
"If depressed people would just stop whining they wouldn't be depressed" \-
person without psychology background who has never dealt with depression

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justboxing
TL;DR: Resilience.

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mkstowegnv
For many years prior to the current mindfulness wave, I have been practicing
and preaching what I call "weather transferance". We humans do not become
angry when harm comes to us because of weather, and so to avoid useless
negative feelings, I suggest regarding annoying people as a form of bad
weather. For example, I frequently find myself saying "What a shame. Too bad
it is raining morons today".

~~~
tcfunk
Reminds me of the song "Disposition" by Tool.

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geetfun
Short but great advice from this. Keeping things simple. Focus on the current
moment. Undertstand there are things beyond our control. Work on things even
when they seem difficult. Life skills. That's all there is to it.

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socialmediaisbs
I don't know how many of you have read "10% Happier", but it was a bit ahead
of the curve with the current mindfulness / stoic fad that's been floating
around the Internet.

Toward the end of the book, Harris talks about how being zen is great, but
also not terribly effective in the modern world, specifically in the modern
workplace. So it's ok to be chill about some things, but there are other
things you absolutely can and should get mad about. Otherwise, you're not
living your life, you're just being a zombie.

~~~
ashark
> Toward the end of the book, Harris talks about how being zen is great, but
> also not terribly effective in the modern world, specifically in the modern
> workplace. So it's ok to be chill about some things, but there are other
> things you absolutely can and should get mad about. Otherwise, you're not
> living your life, you're just being a zombie.

I admit my exposure to Zen is as an interested outsider and
dabbler/dilettante, not as a practitioner, but this seems to betray a
significant, fundamental misunderstanding of Zen.

Unless we're just using "zen" as a colloquial synonym for "hella chill".

~~~
maxxxxx
Agree. Terms like "Zen" and "Mindful" are being seriously misused. Whatever we
call "zen" is not "zen" in the Buddhist sense.

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99_00
Wait... so care remote codes have been broken and the hack is so common that
low level criminals have it?

~~~
excalibur
[https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/bmjee5/unlock-
alm...](https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/bmjee5/unlock-almost-any-
car-and-garage-door-with-this-30-device)

------
mping
Also beg to disagree. The most important skill you can cultivate is wisdom.
How you cultivate it is another story, though.

~~~
yjftsjthsd-h
Yes, wisdom is vital, but if you don't have it then it's hard to develop. How
are you supposed to bootstrap? It's like learning with no feedback.

~~~
mping
Basically you find someone who is wiser than you and learn from them. Repeat.
How do identify that person? Really depends on what kind of wisdom you are
after.

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jasonmaydie
I have great resilience, my wife doesn't. I know enough to say that you just
can't learn resilience (nor ask another person to). It's also a personality
trait, resilient people tend to think about what could go wrong; my wife gives
me weird looks if I put a raincoat in the car on a sunny day.

~~~
seaknoll
Hmm I'd put the raincoat-in-the-car anecdote in the "neuroticism" category. I
think of resilience as the ability to weather issues that you don't foresee.

~~~
jasonmaydie
>The curious thing is that I wasn’t so upset about what happened. Almost not
upset at all. I set aside an emergency fund for such cases, so financially it
wasn’t really a problem

I think the two go hand in hand. You can't practice it if you're not prepared
somehow for that eventuality. Having 2 child seats stolen while living
paycheck to paycheck can be pretty devastating.

~~~
ZenoArrow
Resilience is about toughing it out when things go wrong. Wisdom is applying
what you learn so you don't need to lean on resilience.

That said, I wouldn't wish financial hardship on anyone.

