

You can help it get better - mattmaroon
http://www.pattonoswalt.com/index.cfm?page=spew&id=150

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johnb
I definitely see where Patton is coming from. I was heavily bullied early in
school, then honed my "too cool for school" smart ass streak and said a lot of
mean shit to a lot of people.

Once you get in the habit of finding smart ass comment for every situation,
it's really, really hard to stop. It wasn't such a big deal as a plain old
dev, but I'm managing other devs now and it's too easy to be an accidental
asshole.

It would have been much easier if I never started. Now I've just got to try
and watch my mouth and break the habit.

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mattmaroon
Despite the fact that the title is in all caps and its just a repost of a
Myspace blog entry (which got deaded automatically when I tried to post here)
I thought a lot of people here might enjoy this one.

~~~
raganwald
If caps are shouting, I'm good with this being shouted from the rooftops.
Thanks for posting it.

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michaelchisari
Anyone ever seen the 30 Rock where she goes to her reunion, and the whole
time, she thought she was bullied in middle school and high school, only to
find out that everyone was terrified of her, because she made such cutting
remarks?

 _"Hey, Liz, how's your new telescope?"_

 _"I don't know Kelsey, how's your mom's pill addiction?"_

I think a lot about that episode, and I thought more about it reading this
blog post. I knew there was a reason Patton was one of my favorite comedians.

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plnewman
Surprised there aren't more comments on this, given the number of votes its
received. So I'll share something.

I was always a bit of a weird one growing up, especially in high school. I got
picked on a bit by various groups, sometimes even by other picked-on kids that
wanted to assert themselves. None of it was that severe and there were kids
that had it worse. I had friends, and I got along with most people, but I was
always a little bit of an outsider, and even my friends thought I was weird. I
never fit in with any one group.

But I always felt like it was them that was f'ed up, not me. I never really
lost confidence that I was okay, and that I was okay being myself, although it
was lonely at times. Looking back I think it affected me more than I realize,
because I was pretty anti-social for a while in my late-teen years. I don't
have any friends from high school or earlier that I really keep in touch with.

Things started to get better in my second year of college, and I can honestly
say that they've gotten better each year since. I moved away from my home
state as soon as I finished college, and it's made all the difference. I
couldn't be happier with my adult life, I have a lovely family, a good job and
lots of friends. Sometimes I think that if I had fit in better as a kid I
might have stayed close to home and missed out on the experiences that I've
had as an adult. I don't think I'd change a thing.

So I would say to any kid that it's okay to be weird or different; embrace it
and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.

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mattchew
When I was that age, almost every piece of advice that came from adults seemed
completely unworkable. Even if it was good advice, my brain couldn't process
it in that way. I just heard some authority figure lecturing me again, and the
thing to do was to appear compliant and get the lecture over with as soon as
possible.

I don't think it _hurts_ anything to post advice like this directed at kids,
but I have my doubts about how much good it does.

If you really want to change the behavior of 13 year old boys, get some
reasonably cool 15 and 16 year old boys to preach your message. That might be
a bit of a trick in itself, though.

~~~
detst
I don't think his point is to change the world. If his message resonates with
only one kid that looks up to him, I'm sure it's worth it to him. That's all
that matters.

If everyone did this with the kids that look up to them, it has the potential
to make a massive impact.

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pmichaud
This is a great message for those of you who have middle and high schoolers
(or the equivalent thereof). Show this to them, swearing and all.

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VengefulCynic
This message also needs to be sent to the parents of the witty shadows of
bullies. Which is where those of us with kids probably come in.

After all, I was the same shadow for a time... and I think many smart kids
are, especially after doing a stint in that awkward phase and then realizing
that they are, in fact smarter than their tormentors. My folks are smart and
admit to having been bullied and using wit to deflect it, but I was never
cautioned against bullying others; it was just assumed that I'd do what it
took not to be a mark.

And so I need to admonish my kids not to compromise like I did... because we
all know that the 10-year-olds that we parent and influence probably won't
figure this out until maybe it's too late for some other kid.

