
The Onion releases fartscroll.js - jgv
http://theonion.github.io/fartscroll.js/
======
untog
The only way The Onion could improve on this is by writing a followup article
saying that the response has been so positive that they've decided to sell
fartscroll.js as a SAAS offering, and have taken investment from twenty
prominent VC funds.

~~~
jeremyjh
Yes but they are a satirical news outlet. They wouldn't want to confuse people
by reporting news that is true.

------
noelwelsh
The sounds are included directly in the JS, which is pretty neat:
[https://github.com/theonion/fartscroll.js/blob/master/fartsc...](https://github.com/theonion/fartscroll.js/blob/master/fartscroll.js)

~~~
morsch
And in ogg as well as mp3, to boot. Settling once and for all the great
question which of these two codecs is more efficient at encoding flatulence.

~~~
bornhuetter
Well - which is more efficient?

~~~
rubinelli
What's important is that neither stinks.

~~~
campnic
I would say that including two audio assets for the same sound seems like a
code smell.

~~~
IgorPartola
Perhaps an MP3 => OGG JavaScript converter is in order.

~~~
libria
In case it slipped right past your nose, the previous comments were a play-on-
words in reference to the library.

~~~
svachalek
I think he meant to say an MP3 => OGG JavaScript converter is an odor.

------
publicfig
The best part of this entire thing may be that in "Issues", there is a pull
request for "My Finger".

~~~
smickie
I can't believe that's my only public activity ever on Github :/

------
ck2
Jokes aside, I make my browser make a click when an external object is loaded
and when a page starts and finishes loading.

This audible enforcement is very helpful during development and to "hear"
which sites are sneaking in external calls without bringing up firebug, etc.

~~~
netcraft
would you share how you did this? is it a greasemonkey script or some sort of
add-in?

~~~
ck2
Oh sorry I missed all the questions/replies for this.

I have my own firefox extension which I hacked up from an abandoned old
firefox extension (called "soundextension" by Torisugari) not suitable for
release, but there is a more modern extension here which does most of the
same:

<https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/noise/>

The click sounds I use are from old Windows 2000, I doubt XP/7/8 has them,
NIMclick.wav and NIMover.wav

<https://www.google.com/search?q=nimclick.wav+nimover.wav>

I vaguely remember I also had to edit the sound files to cut the volume way
down, so my PC sound could be at normal levels while the clicks were much more
subtle in the background.

Once your brain is trained as to which click means what, you get a good sense
of what a page is doing, sneakily or otherwise. Won't work with websockets
though.

~~~
troels
Anyone knows of a Chrome extension for the same thing? I searched, but
couldn't find anything.

------
twerquie
Can this be considered a code smell?

------
MattBearman
This jQuery extension is a breath of fresh air

~~~
why-el
Air? sure. Fresh? Probably not. ;)

~~~
brianberns
ThatsTheJoke.gif

~~~
freyr
Annnd... we're reddit.

~~~
duiker101
annnnd... sometime it's good to relax a little...

------
jgj
The Internet is finally useful. Thanks, The Onion!

On a side note, I can't be the only one trying to memorize the embedded Base64
representations of fart mp3s, can I? That would kill at parties.

~~~
StavrosK
Oh yes, the suspense and rollercoaster thrill of the "watching a person type a
2100 character string" setup would just make the "listen to a half-second fart
noise" that much more amazing.

~~~
reidrac
Well, I once attended a party where a guy typed a 128 bytes program in binary
form (using ALT + number) in edit, run it in DOS and the thing did what was
expected. That was amazing and totally worth the wait :)

The 90s, don't ask.

~~~
StavrosK
I need to go to more of your parties, then, where my skills can be appreciated
:P

------
jhull
I wonder if putting something like this on a checkout page for Gas-X or anti-
diarrheals might actually increase conversions.

------
nikolakirev
All of the fart apps in the App Store are now ready for that transition from
native to multi-platform web based applications.

------
skizm
Is there a way to make anyone accessing my home wifi network get this injected
into their webpages (or random webpages)? I know there is that trick that lets
you flip all the images or replace them with pics of something else (usually
cats) but can you inject arbitrary js into pages also?

~~~
lallysingh
I think you'd need a proxy server that injects the JS into each page. Then
your network's DNS should redirect to the proxy.

~~~
ritonlajoie
You can use the one I just set up on 92.163.21.52 port 9990

edit : port 9999 edit 2 : port 9990

------
Mahn
Now all we are missing is a Chrome Extension that automatically injects this
in every page and stays hidden. Perfect office prank :)

~~~
_yb
[https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/web-
statistics/klf...](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/web-
statistics/klfojpklhdjpcmfgmlipgihdcjoeffld)

done.

~~~
DanHulton
Fantastic.

I suppose you could say this extension is silent... but deadly.

------
jbigelow76
I originally read the link as "The Onion releases FASTscroll.js". I thought
maybe there was a new high performance infinite scroll implementation. I was a
little confused initially after clicking through.

~~~
philsci
me too. nothing happens when I put this code in my DocumentRoot and open
example.html.

------
donohoe
People laughed when it was said that perhaps The Onion could save Journalism.

Who's laughing now, eh!?

~~~
obviouslygreen
You could call this brilliant advertising: Those laughing now are most likely
to be males between the ages of 12 and 34. :)

~~~
jwoah12
If I stop laughing at fart sounds when I'm 35, it'll be because I'm dead.

~~~
obviouslygreen
It's just a demographics joke. I hope you are still amused by flatulence past
the ripe old age of 34... even if you do cause a world-rending paradox, you
selfish bastard.

------
ritonlajoie
Well I made a small intercepting proxy which inserts this JS if you want to
try..

Use http proxy 92.163.21.52 port 9990 and start browsing :)

I'll let the VM opened for a few hours

edit: port 9999 edit2: port 9990

(changed the port because some botnet is using it to target a website and
maybe that's because I used an online proxy checker to test it)

------
tripzilch
Now I am no longer the only one that makes fart noises as they scroll!

------
tonetheman
Pretty sure this is genius. Finally a .js site that makes sense.

------
mrcharles
See, now I just want to make a virus that injects this into random webpages.

~~~
obviouslygreen
dysentery.js?

~~~
pasquinelli
that'd be quite a splash.

------
andyidsinga
this is how you get your kid jnto programmig

~~~
vassvdm
my thoughts exactly!

------
salehenrahman
Jokes aside, I see this extension being used in one of those "causes" pages
(not that I am against them) that parody the wrongdoings of an individual or
groups of individual.

e.g. a site that features an oil company, who lobbies governments to give them
tax subsidies for sketchy oil drilling projects. As the user scrolls through
each bad points about the oil company, a fart sound is played.

Just my thought.

------
kellros
After playing with this for about 3 seconds I realized this would be perfect
for a ticking timebomb. The use case: You configure your
freelance/consultation web app to start injecting this script 1 month after an
invoice is due and not paid. I would bet the clients will be hurrying to pay
your invoice after they get complaints of farting sounds coming from their
website!

------
unicornporn
My computer just farted very loud in a hotel lobby.

~~~
jack-r-abbit
Sure... the computer did it. Can't you just blame the dog like everyone else
does? lol

------
nateguchi
awkward moment looking at this whilst interviewing an intern

------
geekam
Jeff Atwood calls it "Possibly the greatest code in the history of computing"
[1]

[1] <https://twitter.com/codinghorror/status/332495858383855617>

------
bifftannen
This is the most important development of our time. You cannot deny this.

------
mkopinsky
What kind of "Front end" developer are they looking for?

~~~
flexxaeon
burpscroll.js would be an easy fork

------
bonf
if you want to use it to prank your co-workers: <http://www.getpranx.com>

------
orangethirty
This could actually prove to be useful (aside from the comedic value, and
learning exercise). I'll test to see if playing audio offers will make a
difference in conversions. One thing for sure, my girls will love playing
around with it. :D

<http://pullmyfinger.com> is taken. ):

------
stuff4ben
am I the only one thinking of combining this and the konami code JS for a
great easter egg implementation?

------
ryhanson
I'm so tempted to implement this on one of my clients sites without telling
them, just for a day!

~~~
cddotdotslash
> previous clients

FTFY

------
comatose_kid
I believe that this is exactly what Al Gore had in mind when he invented the
internet.

------
jlillyreed
This is it, the internet has reached it's pinnacle, time to close up shop and
move on.

------
bogrollben
My visit duration to the fartscroll page was increased by about 1000% because
of this plugin.

I normally would have clicked away long ago, but now I find myself wanting to
just leave it open in a side tab all day long.

------
meelash
Really? This got voted up to number 1 on the front page, and so many awesome
real projects are buried without ever getting anywhere?

HN is really a joke now, I see. Haven't been around for a while. Sad.

~~~
incision
Coincidence? [0]

0: <https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5677046>

------
leonvonblut
we did a chrome extension for that <https://github.com/Ninja-Pheasants/ftw>
enjoy and help us to fix it.

------
b0rsuk
My dog's reaction to fartscroll.js:
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIYySjIyy_I>

------
driverdan
The Onion is the Mad Magazine of adults. I'd love to see them release a bunch
of small joke JS libs like this.

------
rahilsondhi
This is inbound marketing at its best. What a great way to tell the tech
community you're hiring.

------
m4tthumphrey
This would be perfectly suited on any Magento website, especially
magentocommerce.com

------
neeee
Demo?

~~~
jhull
Just scroll on the site itself

~~~
Aardwolf
They should have included more text to allow more scrolling.

~~~
nsxwolf
In Safari on OS X Lion/Mountain Lion, the rubber banding effect will
continually trigger it if you keep scrolling up at the top of the page.

------
yokatana
Now we only need Google Nose to become real. It'll be a "killer".

------
tomphoolery
Today, I learned that The Onion has a Github account. Kudos guys!

------
timinman
This is going to EXPLODE all over the Internet!

------
pranavrc
Web 3.0 is here!

------
fabriceleal
Lets put this into a bookmarklet :P

~~~
fabriceleal
Done: <https://gist.github.com/fabriceleal/5547487>.

Tested in hacker news (no jQuery) and wikipedia (has jQuery). For some reason,
github doesn't like that I'm loading something from raw.github.com/...

Chrome console says:

Refused to load the script
'[https://raw.github.com/theonion/fartscroll.js/master/fartscr...](https://raw.github.com/theonion/fartscroll.js/master/fartscroll.js)
because it violates the following Content Security Policy directive: "script-
src <https://github.com> <https://a248.e.akamai.net> <https://jobs.github.com>
<https://ssl.google-analytics.com> <https://secure.gaug.es>
<https://gist.github.com>.

~~~
dschep
Hah. Looks like you beat me to it. I made a slightly different version:
<http://dschep.github.io/GistMarklets/#5547713>

------
ktzar
Brilliant. Thanks HTML5

------
prabhatjha
It just made my day.

------
rgrannell1
this needs to be combined with raptorize.js...

~~~
fabriceleal
Oh boy, here comes another bookmarklet ...

------
jw_
Web 2.1b!

------
hdragomir
The Onion.

That is all!

------
youngerdryas
Add your own sounds.

<http://www.motobit.com/util/base64-decoder-encoder.asp>

