
How to Get Kids to Do Chores: Does the Maya Method Work? - Xcelerate
https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/09/01/641266260/how-to-get-kids-to-do-chores-does-the-maya-method-work
======
toomanybeersies
The problem is that most parents don't want to (or can't) invest the time and
effort into teaching their kids how to do household tasks.

When your children are young it's easier to just to tasks yourself than to try
and get your children to do it, they'll break things and make mistakes in the
course of learning.

But that's how you learn. I had to cook dinner once a week from the age of
around 12. Sure my parents had a few shit dinners when I started out and
sometimes I made a massive mess (or set things on fire!), but I learned how to
cook and bake. Same goes for any other household tasks.

Of course, the other secret to the Maya Method is La Chancla:
[https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/11/04/361205792...](https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/11/04/361205792/la-
chancla-flip-flops-as-a-tool-of-discipline)

~~~
wheels
You can start way before 12 with cooking. My son made scrambled eggs a day
before his third birthday. (I just put the stuff out and told him what to do
-- he put the butter in the pan, turned the stove on, cracked and scrambled
the egg, and poured it into the pan. The only thing he struggled with was
getting the egg out of the pan fast enough that it wouldn't burn, so I helped
with that.)

In the kitchen he can peel garlic, fill ice trays, make bread dough into rolls
... and again, he's just turned three. He's much _slower_ with all of those
things than I am, but if I time things right, he's actually a (small) net
positive. For example, he'll make one roll, and I'll make the other 7, or I'll
give him 4 cloves of garlic 10 minutes before I need them.

~~~
sp332
I'd be very careful with kids under 4 because they don't have all their
reflexes yet. I know it sounds weird, but that reflex where your arm pulls
itself back from something hot doesn't exist at that age. Little kids make up
a huge proportion of burn victims for that reason. 5+ should be OK though.

------
rayiner
This isn’t Mayan “supermom” magic. Kids all over the world (including the US)
do manual labor around the house/farm. Kids who _don’t_ earn their keep are a
relatively new invention.

(I’m probably the first child in my family line to not work growing up. Most
Americans probably are not more than a generation or two removed from that.)

~~~
addicted
Except this concept appears to be about making chores fun for kids before they
can even do those chores properly.

Which is clearly different than kids “earning their keep” which presumes
they’re at an age that they can actually successfully and competently do those
tasks.

~~~
eh78ssxv2f
But is it really critical to make chores feel fun for the kids?

By definition, chores are routine tasks, and it's natural for kids and adults
to feel them as "not fun". I believe it's important to make kids realize that
for the household to run successfully, we have to do them despite them being
"not fun".

~~~
Firadeoclus
Or you can learn that "not fun" is usually not in the chore itself but in the
attitude towards it.

------
zmmmmm
Seems like a classic "meaningless anecdote" type article. I understand why
they are written this way, but it irritates me: "Let's address a common issue
which mysteriously, science has not managed to solve by applying some
science!" immediately followed up by "Here's a completely unscientific
observation that I will imply you should interpret as some sort of evidence".

I can't help but think that such writing does more harm than good in that it
probably convinces a lot of lay people that this is how scientists operate,
resulting in them having little to no faith that science itself is a rigorous
discipline.

~~~
splittingTimes
I generally agree with your sentiment. But To be fair, the linked article
about the scientific part of the supermom actually takes a very critical look
at the scientific studies.

Also applying the principle of charity [1], you could think of it this way:
the author looked at some studies, did a field trip. Now she tries an
experiment at home and reports on it. She does not claim to present any
rigorous scientific findings.

===

[1]
[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_charity](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_charity)

~~~
AstralStorm
At least someone tried which is more than can be said about many sociology
studies.

We just need this to also be reproduced in a more rigorous setting and design.

------
empath75
I’ve actually stayed with a Mayan family in Guatemala for a month or so while
I was taking Spanish classes and the ‘maya secret’ is mostly that they’re
really poor, there’s no concept of upward mobility and their entire extended
family lives near by and they’re going to do what their parents and their
parents parents and their parents parents did for a living.

I’m not downing them— they’ve been the victims of a huge amount of
discrimination and their country’s economy is a basket case, so they do as
well as they can giving their circumstances.

But I guarantee that if the Mayan family moved to the us or even Guatemala
City, that life style would disappear in a generation.

There’s actually a lot to be said for that way of life. There’s a real sense
of community that I don’t think I’ve ever felt anywhere in the us. I thought
about moving there, but as with everything there’s good and bad aspects of it.

------
CitizenTekk
It all defines and will reflect on how parents teach them. It's not a child
labor or something if you teach a child to do some chores. Teach them while
you can as they will carry it thru them in their whole life as they also will
become a parent when time comes. It is their privilege not yours(parent).
Childredn in Japan are thought to do chores it's not some technique or
something, It's to teach them how to be responsible
[https://www.indiatoday.in/education-
today/featurephilia/stor...](https://www.indiatoday.in/education-
today/featurephilia/story/students-in-japan-clean-their-own-classrooms-and-
school-toilets-and-the-reason-is-incredible-1227619-2018-05-06)

~~~
aplc0r
Based on what I've been told by relatives who grew up in Japan, students are
also required to help clean the classrooms and other school facilities from
grade school through high school. This is probably wishful thinking, but if we
had this in the U.S., we may have fewer adults who think they can act like
pigs in shared spaces.

I remember a kid in middle school who dropped his lunch tray, spilling food
all over a table and the floor. He got up and went back to the line to get
more food. I asked him why he didn't try to clean it up or at least tell
someone. He told me "That is what the janitors are for". For some reason this
really stuck with me, and I think about it whenever I see someone purposely
littering.

------
rb666
"And toddlers are great at rinsing dishes before putting them into the
dishwasher."

Don't teach them kids to waste water rinsing dishes! The dishwasher works most
efficiently if chunks of food are removed (scrape into trash), but not rinsed.

~~~
orasis
Your values aren’t universal. In some places water is abundant.

~~~
rebuilder
Even where water is abundant, actual household water is usually purified, and
the wastewater is processed as well. Neither of these is free.

~~~
orasis
Wells and drain fields are common here. It’s rediculously cheap.

------
cwp
This reminds me of Montessori "casa" classrooms. At ages 3-6, kids learn a
variety of tasks that are akin to household chores, things like sweeping,
polishing silverware or serving tea. It's not quite like the article - kids
participating in the normal operation of the household - but slightly more
ceremonial, doing the task beautifully, for it's own sake.

------
otterpro
I'd like to add step 0.

* No smartphones in the house.

It allows the parents to be "present", as well as eliminate the greatest
source of distraction, which applies to both the parents and the kids.

~~~
bdamm
This would require convincing my other family members to give up their
smartphones (such as my wife) and that ain't going to happen. You see, unless
the family you've made is a strict dictatorship, there's more than one vote.
And I don't want to live in or create a dictatorship.

~~~
wincy
My wife and I both agree to do smartphone detox every once in awhile. We set
the parental control passwords on each other’s phones, and block safari and
web browsing, and new app installs. Also YouTube and social media apps.

We can still listen to audiobooks and it’s voluntary both ways. My wife
decides what she wants me to block and if the other asks we re enable it.

The first few days really really suck. It’s super boring and I feel like an
addict with how many times I unlock my phone then realize there’s nothing to
do on it.

At the same time, after you’ve reset your “baseline” stimulation level, it’s
amazing how many things get done. Also, my daughter LOVES how much attention
she gets.

It’s not a dictatorship, but that doesn’t mean you and your wife can’t be of
one accord sometimes. If it’s sometbing you’re truly interest in, and not just
writing off because you think it’s a dumb idea, have a conversation with your
wife. You might be surprised.

------
ryanmarsh
I don’t understand how people have a problem getting their children to do
their chores.

Just having a good attitude (I’m referring to the parent) and investing the
time is all it takes. Frankly, getting responsible adults to do chores
requires no less of an investment.

~~~
lostmyoldone
It's quite simple really, not all children are the same.

I would be the first to agree that investing the time and having a good
attitude would probably be quite enough for many families. But I feel that it
would be quite unfair to many families to suggest that it always works,
because it doesn't.

Why it doesn't always work like this might be easiest shown by considering
cases of rather minor cognitive disabilities, some of which can still make
doing chores a lifelong struggle.

In this context it's clear to a anyone having relevant experience with such a
disability - even disabilities at subclinical levels - that any blanket
statement about what works is always false. The variety is simply too great.

Extrapolating from that we can conclude that: As there are few, or no, binary
parameters when it comes to humans, the above example is enough to show that
the reason why not all parents get their children to do chores is that we are
currently bounded at the top - at least - by our lack of understanding of the
immense cognitive variation in humans, and our ability for effective
interventions.

The story is more complex than that, and it is likely much could be done to
improve outcomes for both parents and children.

~~~
ryanmarsh
Ok so parents of special needs children are off the hook. The rest of humanity
shares more similarities than differences.

------
mrob
Plain text version:
[https://text.npr.org/s.php?sId=641266260](https://text.npr.org/s.php?sId=641266260)

~~~
pieterjands
thank you!

------
coldtea
Force them? It always worked for me and my brothers!

Household chores, Pfft. In 2/3rds of the world kids as small as 10 even help
with actual work in the fields, house, and so on, and the family wouldn't
manage otherwise.

------
INTPenis
I remember reading the first article about the Mayan moms and now this made me
think that this method is very logical and we just forgot in our rushed modern
lifestyle.

When you think about it, a child not doing chores is raised to believe they're
somehow outside of the family unit. Most families start with one child and two
parents. So you're subconsciously telling that one child that you are its
servants and all it will ever do in life is play.

------
forkLding
Reminds me of how I did my chores as a kid and how I learnt to cook

------
nipponese
Who would have thought being a parent meant being a good leader.

------
interatx
We pair program with new hires on simpler tasks and gradually build them up.
Sounds very similar.

~~~
ngngngng
I'm having my first kid soon and have pretty high ambitions for teaching him
to program. Maybe I'll try the pair programming/Mayan chore method to get him
up to speed.

~~~
aikinai
Maybe better to first wait and see what he/she is interested in?

~~~
tokyodude
I don't know where the balance is and I'm not a parent but... I feel like I
wish my parents had forced me to learn a musical instrument. My whole fathers
side of the family plays/played. Some famiously so. My parents took the "if he
shows interest attitude"

I know of almost zero kids that enjoy practicing their instrument as a kid yet
I believe the majority of adults are happy for the experience. (I have no data
tho). I certainly just wanted to do other things (play with friends) so I
showed no or not enough interest for my parents to push/encourge learning an
instrument.

Assuming I'm correct following the advice of "see what they're interested in"
would seem to lead to worse outcomes at some level.

of course I'm not suggesting shoving things down their throats so to speak
rather it seems like there's room for some balance between only encourage
their interest and require them to do x?

~~~
fossuser
Just do it now - an adult can ramp up quickly with focused practice too.
Though you’ll still have nobody forcing you to do it. You can probably reach a
pretty good ability level in a year or two of taking lessons and practice.

Band instruments will be harder, but piano, guitar, or ukulele are all doable.

~~~
jaggederest
More importantly, the piano is the instrument of choice for understanding and
participating in music theory, which means that with some fundamental
understanding and a lot of practice it unlocks many other instruments, as
well.

------
merrinkurian
‘Maya method’ is just clickbait. This is how most of the rest of the world
operates. Kids being the boss is a relatively new phenomenon and probably
started and flourished in the western/urban setting. I used to help with
household chores until I went to college and all of that came in handy when I
started to live on my own when I got my first job. And my mom mostly never
asked me to do it, it was just about being part of the household and sharing
responsibilities. And yes, I was never paid to do any of it, neither was my
mom.

------
aliswe
[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kHvm1J9HVLo](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kHvm1J9HVLo)

"How to turn your words - that are currently seen as trash - into gold"

------
rawfan
I don't have kids myself but what always amazes me with my friends is the
drama when the kids have to go to bed.

One friend doesn't force his kids (3 and 4) to go to bed at a specific time.
They can stay awake and play (quietly) for as longs as they want. The only two
catches are: they have to stay in their room and they have to get up for
kindergarden in the morning. Boom! No more drama. They usually even ask for
the light to be turned off after kissing them goodnight. I told other friends
about it and they got the same results.

~~~
TheBeardKing
It's all about routine. Brush your teeth, PJs, brush hair, get it done and in
bed because the lamp is on a timer and it's going off regardless.

------
jaxn
Fix the behavior of the parents

------
gowld
Previously discussed at length on in June:

[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17280710](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17280710)

------
EGreg
Inception! And reverse psychology

Make the child observe for a long time without allowing them to do it.

Children naturally want to imitate and begiin to master tasks. So this is how
you make them WANT to do it.

~~~
PhilWright
Odd, because my 9 year old never wants to pick up his clothes even though his
parents always do. When does this imitation kick in?

~~~
eboyjr
It's probably too late now to make it easy. At that age, I wasn't particularly
inspired to do things my parents didn't enjoy doing. This article[0] suggests
it's around 1-3 years old (toddlers).

[0]:
[https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/06/09/6169288...](https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/06/09/616928895/how-
to-get-your-kids-to-do-chores-without-resenting-it)

------
unit91
How it works in my house:

"Son, do your chores please."

"Yes, sir."

Done.

~~~
colechristensen
I've never met anyone who referred to their parent like that who didn't have
at least a marginally abusive family life.

It is plainly offensive to address kin as "sir".

~~~
eboyjr
It's an authoritarian parenting style, and I don't think anyone really likes
it. But there's nothing here to suggest any marginal physical or emotional
abuse. I personally know a few traditional Mexican families where the father
is addressed as "sir" as a sign of respect but still knows how to care for
their children.

~~~
elboru
Really? from what part of Mexico? I'm Mexican and I've never heard someone
addressing their father as "sir" (señor) not even "father" (padre) we usually
use "dad" (papá), even using "usted" instead of "tu" is not common anymore.
But then again Mexico is a really big and diverse country, so there must be
zones where that could happen.

~~~
eboyjr
It's interesting because in some parts of Northern Mexico, you would think
that use of "tú" didn't exist. NO ONE uses it, not even relatives or husbands
and wife.

------
HumanMusic
There's an interesting assumption being made here, that kids should do chores.
I only started doing chores when I started living alone at 17 years old. Would
have done chores improved me or my life in any way? The way I see it, there
are far more interesting and educative ways to use a kids young years, when
their brain is the most plastic. I was never forced, or barely even asked to
help with chores, I was actually pretty curious about them. Although I never
did chores with any regularity, I learned how to cook, bake and clean just out
of curiosity.

~~~
chosenbreed
Interesting observation. I think it is important to highlight things that are
taken for granted. There are seems to be an assumption that there is "the
right way" to raise kids and that it should be constant from generation to
generation. I'm not so sure that's the case...

------
tootie
I don't think the Mayan people have better long-term outcomes for their kids
despite being helpful. My kids are prepping for college. I'll make sure they
pick up life skills as they become able.

~~~
toomanybeersies
I know plenty of people in their 20's who are incapable of cooking and
cleaning.

Of course, the HN response to that is "my children will earn enough money
after college that they can hire cleaners and order UberEats".

~~~
asdfasgasdgasdg
> Of course, the HN response to that is "my children will earn enough money
> after college that they can hire cleaners and order UberEats".

Or they won't, and necessity will be their teacher. The point is that it's not
obvious whether teaching kids these skills early makes a serious long-term
difference in outcomes.

~~~
TheBeardKing
Learning to do things for yourself in general is a huge step towards living
within your means, which is a struggle for a majority of Americans. My family
has plenty of money to no longer do most things for ourselves - clean, cook,
yard work, house maintenance, car maintenance, etc., but I refuse to contract
out anything I don't have to because 1) I usually have the free time to do it
and am essentially earning money in my free time and 2) that added money goes
towards experiences we could not afford if we paid for services we could
easily do ourselves.

I much prefer saving the money to use how I want than enjoy extra free time I
likely would not use productively.

------
suzzer99
I don't think sacrificing your kids on an altar in front of the whole city is
the best strategy for getting them to do chores. But maybe I'm old school.

~~~
dang
Please don't do this here.

------
paulie_a
You tell them to do it.

