

Ask HN: How do I apologize to someone after missing two meetings with them? - someanon

Hi there,<p>I recently got in contact with someone I really respect, exchanged a few emails with him, and quickly found that we had a lot of common ground.<p>He suggested we have a Skype chat at some point. I thought that would be great, and I scheduled one.<p>The first time, I put it on my calendar on the wrong day. The second time, I didn't realize I had the wrong Skype name, then somehow forgot about it and started working again.<p>I don't know how best to say "I'm sorry I blew you off twice." I've been feeling pretty awful about this for the past few weeks, and I want to figure out a way that I can make amends, if that's even possible.<p>This person thinks about a lot of the same things I think about, and I'm kicking myself for screwing this up, potentially for good. I want to be completely honest about it.<p>Thanks a lot—I really appreciate the help.
======
kls
_I want to be completely honest about it_

Honesty is the best policy, there is no reason to not be honest mistakes
happen, I would explain the issue, tell the person that I would still love to
have the chat but that I seem to be screwing it up each time, I would give
him/her my Skype handle and tell them to give me a time and to contact me,
that given my screw up even if I have a meeting with the president and the
pope that I will cancel it to meet whatever time they schedule. It's no so
much the screw up that you have to worry about, at this point, you have to
affirm to them that you view them as important. The best way to do that is to
put all the power of deciding into their hands and benevolently accept their
decision. If they do not want to meet, send a note of understanding and
apologize again ask if you can still send emails because you would like to
build up trust and that you hope that they will eventually see that it was
just a fluke and not a reflection of your true character.

~~~
someanon
This is great - thanks so much for this. I think showing them that they're
important, and that it was completely my absentmindedness that resulted in the
situation, is a good idea. Giving them the opportunity to schedule a time is
even better.

Thank you!

------
dholowiski
How about: "I'm sorry I blew you off twice. I've been feeling pretty awful
about this for the past few weeks, and I want to figure out a way that I can
make amends, if that's even possible." Sounds good to me.

------
nbashaw
Just explain exactly what happened, and apologize profusely. Who knows what
could happen? I think that's all you can do.

------
anigbrowl
Grovel. Then say 'what can I do to make it up to you?' Make that person your
#1 priority for the day.

------
adrianscott
I'd send them some atoms... Pizza, chocolate, roses, cards, ...

------
j45
It's hard because you can't say sorry, you have to do it.

The biggest form of respect anyone can give someone else is their time.

Center your message around that. Say that you feel foolish for bailing on them
twice after you had set a time and knowing better.

Say that you'd like to make it right if they're open to it.

At the end of the day no one likes being treated like an option instead of a
priority.

Do whatever you need to to make sure no emergency or distraction can come up
to interfere with respecting this person's time with your time. Learn to say
no to other things if this is so important.

Talk is cheap, action is king.

------
sutro
I would go with seppuku.

