
Ask HN: How to stop feeling underachieving? - younghner
I&#x27;m a software engineer in my mid twenties in the bay area.  Lately I find myself constantly stressed out because everyday I see so many people around my age or even younger than me that are so much more successful. I know rationally that those people are the exceptions and that I might be able to get there one day too, but I still can&#x27;t help but feel underachieving and stressed.<p>I would appreciate any advice or perspectives that would help me achieve some sort of inner peace.  Would love book recommendations too.
======
itamarst
1\. Spend some time with normal people. You're in a very highly paid
profession in a very rich but highly unequal society. You're better off than
most of the planet. You're better off than most of people in US.

But if you only hang out with people who are in your income bracket or higher,
you will quickly lose touch with that reality.

2\. You say "more successful", but successful in what way? Is getting VC
funding so you can work 100 hours a week "success"? Some people think so, I
very definitely don't, because we have different definitions of success. Is
having a 100 million dollars success? I would say "no" if you're less happy as
a result.

You need to come up with a set of goals that you care about, and goals that
aren't about comparing yourself to other people, but goals that are about what
you feel is important.

As long as you are comparing yourself to others as a measure of success you
will never be happy. There will always be someone richer/younger/cooler/more
accomplished.

3\. My personal measure of success, which is _mine_ and will likely not match
yours, but which at least gives me a path that isn't driven by envy:

\- Doing useful things ([https://codewithoutrules.com/2017/08/07/do-something-
useful/](https://codewithoutrules.com/2017/08/07/do-something-useful/))

\- Continual learning, or I get really unhappy.

\- Having a job that doesn't take over my life, so I have time for other
things. This is... not a popular view in the bay area AFAICT (e.g.
[https://codewithoutrules.com/2017/09/18/when-startups-pay-
le...](https://codewithoutrules.com/2017/09/18/when-startups-pay-less/)).

~~~
itamarst
Oh, and a story:

Nasreddin was walking in the bazaar with a large group of followers. Whatever
Nasreddin did, his followers immediately copied. Every few steps Nasreddin
would stop and shake his hands in the air, touch his feet and jump up yelling
"Hu Hu Hu!". So his followers would also stop and do exactly the same thing.

One of the merchants, who knew Nasreddin, quietly asked him: "What are you
doing my old friend? Why are these people imitating you?"

"I have become a Sufi Sheikh," replied Nasreddin. "These are my Murids
[spiritual seekers]; I am helping them reach enlightenment!"

"How do you know when they reach enlightenment?"

"That’s the easy part! Every morning I count them. The ones who have left –
have reached enlightenment!"

