
Ask HN: How to disagree politely and point out errors? - harias
I have realised that I tend to disagree with people a lot and it doesn&#x27;t go down well with them. I start it off as a discussion, but many take offence. Learning is something I immensely enjoy and assume many do too, but this isn&#x27;t always true. Many outrightly ignorant claims make me furious, and I get into heated arguments. Sometimes I learn something, but many times people don&#x27;t want to discuss and I end up being a jerk in their eyes. Am I wasting time doing this or is it realistic to hope to learn something this way? I just want to know what HN does.
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sbinthree
It depends. Are you dealing with a "rational" actor? Are you dealing in the
objective or the subjective?

If you are dealing with someone nominally rational on a subject of some
objectivity, the question is really how do you interpret the science and how
it that enforced or detracted from by your lived experience. That doesn't
invalidate the science, but it helps with perspective.

If you are dealing with an irrational actor but an objective issue, you can
throw the science in their face but that is generally not a good way to
approach it. Humans respond defensively as a reflex. If someone knew the "one
truth" to the world, I would reflexively and cynically respond that they
probably don't, and counter-argue. I might investigate the alternatives
though. I think the goal here is just convince them to do more seeking. And if
they are unwilling to do that _and_ to change to the objective side of things,
they aren't worth the time (period).

If you are dealing in the subjective, the same things tend to apply but be
more careful. You are dealing in the realm of lived experience, espoused
values and old wisdom. Old wisdom tends to be better than new wisdom, unless
the nature of the problem is new, and lived experience tends to always be more
compelling to you than to others around you.

Mostly, you are wasting time trying to change minds. Try to point people in
the direction where they can learn for themselves, no one wants to be taught,
they want to be shown, and sometimes they are more open if you validate their
perspective first (not sarcastically, truly validate it, and then proceed to
attack the central argument).

