
Things Your Commencement Speaker Won't Tell You - tuxguy
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304811304577366332400453796.html
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jtbigwoo
Interesting read. If I was asked to give a commencement speech (which never
will be, by the way), I'd cover only three points.

-Make connections to others

My boy scout leader used to say, "Humans are herd animals." Even if you're an
introvert and socializing sounds like the worst torture imaginable, at least
invite a friend over to watch a movie once a week or sign up for the company
bowling league. The research says it will make you healthier, happier, and
longer lived. Also: eat with other people sometimes. I have no idea why it
works, but eating together builds stronger relationships faster.

-Volunteer

The schools and charities in this country could use a ton more volunteer time
that they're getting. Go read to kids or help with math homework once a week
or even once a month. Help clean up at the local emergency food shelf. Tell
the local boy scout troop you'll make them a web site. If you show up on time
and work reasonably hard you will likely be treated like a hero. (And if the
organization doesn't treat you like a hero, find a different place to
volunteer.) As a bonus, you'll look awesome if you can start a sentence with,
"I just came back from reading to first graders..."

-Give some money to charity

If you have a steady job, try to give at least 2 percent of your income to
charity. Keep it to one or two institutions if you can. If you give a thousand
dollars or more to most charities or educational institutions you get invited
to go to all the fancy benefits and events they hold. That can be a great way
to make connections for somebody with ambition. Again, if you're not married,
there's no better way to impress a date than to take him/her to a fancy
benefit dinner where they talk about how awesome donors (i.e. you) are.

~~~
GFischer
As an added bonus, Volunteering makes you feel a lot better :)

<http://www.livescience.com/4443-study-good-feel-good.html>

(first link I found, plenty of other studies)

~~~
tomjen3
Seems to be based on self reporting by students and they may have gotten the
casual link wrong (ie happy people are more likely to volunteer to help
others, therefore those who volunteer are more likely to be happy but
volunteering doesn't make you happy).

At least it seems to me that people like me who don't care about strangers
would get very little out if volunteering.

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tokenadult
I can't believe that five hours after this interesting essay was posted, none
of the comments have yet mentioned Paul Graham's essay (also a commencement
speech never heard at an actual graduation) "What You'll Wish You'd Known"
(January 2005).

<http://paulgraham.com/hs.html>

I like much of the advice of that essay, which is the second Paul Graham essay
local friends recommended that I read. I have all my children read Paul's
essay, as we are a homeschooling family precisely to get out of the rut of the
usual school pattern of learning.

". . . . In fact I suspect if you had the sixteen year old Shakespeare or
Einstein in school with you, they'd seem impressive, but not totally unlike
your other friends.

"Which is an uncomfortable thought. If they were just like us, then they had
to work very hard to do what they did. And that's one reason we like to
believe in genius. It gives us an excuse for being lazy. If these guys were
able to do what they did only because of some magic Shakespeareness or
Einsteinness, then it's not our fault if we can't do something as good.

"I'm not saying there's no such thing as genius. But if you're trying to
choose between two theories and one gives you an excuse for being lazy, the
other one is probably right."

Great stuff, still good advice for young people almost a decade after it was
first composed.

~~~
umsm
He mentions that "the school authorities vetoed the plan to invite me"... why?

~~~
Livven
Read the essay, and it should quickly become clear.

------
Jun8
Excellent points! I had my undergrad graduation more than two decades ago, so
get to appreciate some of these a bit differently from the twentysomething
"younguns" here. If I had to pick two most important, I'd say point 1 (with
the caveat that his point is generalized to _all_ socializing) and 7 (maybe
not so for US but for countries where parents play a huge role in shaping
kids' future career choices).

I would also add time, that's the most important thing! When you get older
you'll see that a lot of the breadth-first approach to life that you can do in
your youth has now become depth-first, i.e. you won't have the time or
opportunity to branch out to much. So experiment a lot when you're young.

That's what I would want my son to learn are the most important things, not
just to get a good job but for everything in lide: maintain and build a good
network and manage time choices wisely.

~~~
nzealand
I have been thinking about the wisdom I want to impart to my son.

It has inspired me to live my life differently.

Lets see if I have the follow through.

(just because you are older and have less spare time, does not mean you can't
branch out a little)

~~~
aasarava
What are some of the things you've been inspired to do differently?

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spinchange
The best and most honest commencement speech I've ever listened to was David
Foster Wallace's to the Kenyon College graduating class of 2005 that has since
been published as a short book. It's called "This is Water." There's a heavy
liberal arts slant, but it's a great speech.

<http://vimeo.com/57350121> (audio)

~~~
nbouscal
I've listened to and read quite a few commencement speeches, and DFW's is the
only one that made an actual impact on my life. I think to myself "this is
water" at least once every day or two and it helps me to realign my
perspective.

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127001brewer
Another point would be to _save_. When you're young, it's easy to spend and
not save. However, it's important to get into a disciplined habit of saving -
don't depend on someone else to force you to save.

Also, while it's financially advantageous to have a two-income family, once
you have kids priorities might change. The better choice may be to have a
parent at home with the kid(s) instead of utilizing day-care.

You're mileage may vary.

~~~
hnriot
this is very bad advice. saving money with a near nil interest rate is a huge
waste of money. spend money on travel, do things with the money you have, life
live. It is through expanding our horizons that opportunities present
themselves which lead to a far more fulfilling live.

Simply hoarding cash for the rainy day scenario seems like such an awful way
to live life. Sure, don't over spend, don't waste, and don't frivolously throw
money away, but money is a means to doing things.

~~~
R_Edward
True, money is a means to doing things. Things like paying for an unexpected
extended hospitalization. Or a new refrigerator when the old one dies. Or a
new roof when a tornado plays peekaboo with your attic. Or a new vehicle when
someone slams into your old one. Or for that matter, putting food on the table
when you're 79 years old and really don't want to do the whole 9-to-5 thing
anymore.

While it's true that you can pay for most of those things with a credit card
and make monthly payments, may I be so presumptuous as to point out that if
you made those monthly payments _before_ you incurred the charges--i.e., put
the money into a savings account, even one earning only a quarter of a percent
in interest--then when you pay the bill, you pay only 100% of the charges. If
you wait until after you incur the charges, and make payments on your credit
card, you're going to pay 120% or more of the charges.

Saving money with a near-nil interest rate may be a huge waste of money, but
not saving it, and having to pay finance charges when high-ticket items need
to be paid for is an even huger waste.

------
neovive
Interesting read. Although I don't agree with all the points, it does shed
light on the realities faced by recent college graduates.

Looking back on my own experience a decade after my graduation, point one is
definitely true. The relationships you build in college are very important and
I wish someone told me this when I was in college. I have lost touch with most
of my fraternity friends and other colleagues which was not wise. However, I
did meet my wife in college which was a great success (point four)! She
remained in contact with all her friends and has benefited greatly from it.

As a parent, I can relate to point five. There is definitely constant pressure
placed on you by peers to push your children into all sorts of activities
(this also ties in to point seven). Just be cognizant of the volume of
activities you place you child into -- children do experience burn-out, but it
manifests itself in different ways (such as behavior in the classroom). There
is nothing wrong with just playing in the park or pick-up games -- not
everything has to be structured.

------
arethuza
The only bit of advice that I can pass on regarding UK graduations is to not
get really drunk until _after_ they have taken the graduation photographs.

------
alexvr
Awesome article. But I disagree with "Don't try to be great." Yeah, it takes
luck, and yeah, there's nothing wrong with being "solid." But with that
mindset, you _won't_ be great, even if you're lucky. Do you think Bill Gates
spent his 10,000 hours programming by accident? Was there nothing better to
do? No. He was probably obsessively passionate about it, and he took advantage
of his opportunity to become great. And do you think Apple made such a name
for itself by coasting along, doing what everyone else does? Few people and
few companies become great by not trying.

~~~
ryusage
I don't think the author was saying not to put effort into anything, and
certainly wasn't saying not to take advantage of opportunities. I think it
just has more to do with your mindset. Are you doing things simply because you
want to be "great", or is it because you actually enjoy what you do? If you're
never going to be content until you become the next Steve Jobs, and that lucky
break just never comes along, then what kind of life is that? You could spend
a whole lifetime as a solid, successful person, and _still_ be miserable. What
a waste.

I would also argue that, yes, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates just did things they
were obsessively passionate about, and the fact that their passions turned out
to line up well with what was marketable and under-exploited at the time was
accidental luck. And working hard was their choice, but what about the many
others who were inevitably working just as hard? They might've had a similar
passion, but they weren't lucky enough to have the skills, timing, and luck
that Bill Gates and Steve Jobs had. I would hope they don't spend their lives
feeling inadequate because of that.

C.S. Lewis said, "Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about
originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth
(without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine
times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it." Replace
originality with greatness, and telling the truth with following your passion.

------
aashaykumar92
I prefer commencement speeches with more of a personal touch to them, namely
Steve Jobs' commencement speech at Stanford in 2005 [1]. This article
definitely gives good advice but at the end of the day, it's pretty
superficial. Steve Jobs tells 3 stories which beautifully take students
through his life, but also give life long lessons that actually carry
substance.

[1] <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc>

------
cerebrum
If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the
library.

Frank Zappa

~~~
ucee054
_If you want to get laid_

Zappa obviously didn't know about engineering school ;)

------
PavlovsCat
John J. Chapman, Commencement Address to the Graduating Class of Hobart
College, 1900:

 _When I was asked to make this address I wondered what I had to say to you
boys who are graduating. And I think I have one thing to say. If you wish to
be useful, never take a course that will silence you. Refuse to learn anything
that implies collusion, whether it be a clerkship or a curacy, a legal fee or
a post in a university. Retain the power of speech no matter what other power
you may lose. If you can take this course, and in so far as you take it, you
will bless this country. In so far as you depart from this course, you become
dampers, mutes, and hooded executioners.

As a practical matter, a mere failure to speak out upon occassions where no
statement is asked or expect from you, and when the utterance of an uncalled
for suspicion is odious, will often hold you to a concurrence in palpable
iniquity. Try to raise a voice that will be heard from here to Albany and
watch what comes forward to shut off the sound. It is not a German sergeant,
nor a Russian officer of the precinct. It is a note from a friend of your
father's, offering you a place at his office. This is your warning from the
secret police. Why, if you any of young gentleman have a mind to make himself
heard a mile off, you must make a bonfire of your reputations, and a close
enemy of most men who would wish you well.

I have seen ten years of young men who rush out into the world with their
messages, and when they find how deaf the world is, they think they must save
their strength and wait. They believe that after a while they will be able to
get up on some little eminence from which they can make themselves heard. "In
a few years," reasons one of them, "I shall have gained a standing, and then I
shall use my powers for good." Next year comes and with it a strange
discovery. The man has lost his horizon of thought, his ambition has
evaporated; he has nothing to say. I give you this one rule of conduct. Do
what you will, but speak out always. Be shunned, be hated, be ridiculed, be
scared, be in doubt, but don't be gagged. The time of trial is always. Now is
the appointed time._

------
AznHisoka
When I graduated, it felt like the hardest part of my life was going to be
over, and I was going to reap the rewards of my hard work in school. So no.. I
don't believe in commencement speeches.

~~~
ngokevin
Did a commencement speaker tell you it would be smooth sailings? I imagine the
cookie cutter speech would involve something like "it's going to get tough,
keep your head up".

------
ams6110
_4\. Marry someone smarter than you are_

Hard for this to work for both spouses, I guess....

------
mtkd
Aaron Sorkin from last year - <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwvilfPWHYI> \-
'there are some screwups heading your way'

------
squozzer
The only thing I would change is #10 -- Don't try to be great. I would change
it to "Do great things, but don't strive to 'be great'". Obsession with
"greatness" has destroyed nations.

------
dgbsco
>Don't try to be great.

What the hell?

>Being great involves luck and other circumstances beyond your control.

Certainly that plays a roll...but to neglect your own agency in becoming
"great" is idiotic.

~~~
lmm
If you set out to be great simple numbers mean you will most likely fail. The
famous "mid-life crisis" can easily result. Best to accept that you most
likely won't change the world, and be satisfied with things you can reasonably
achieve.

~~~
dgbsco
I suppose it's the defeatist attitude that bothers me.

Yes, most people will become nothing, because they were never anything to
begin with. But why not embrace your potential and fight for greatness.
Humility, important - just as is managing your expectations, but acting
powerless is so disturbingly passive and disappointing.

You define your greatness, and you fulfill that destiny. Acting as a passive
being in life is boring, and meaningless. Accepting mediocrity is just one
more step towards insignificance. Grasp your purpose through greatness and
find something more rewarding that "accepting you won't change the world."

The "greatest" people want to change something, want to make things different,
want to leave a lasting contribution - having that desire should be
universally human. Farmers and factory workers are the ones who "accept their
insignificance in civilization."

------
RyanMcGreal
Be sure to click on the embedded video. The segment by Conan O'Brien is
particularly insightful.

------
chollida1
Can anyone else read the article. The above link just asks me to "log in".

~~~
tuxguy
works fine for me, but one reason could be, that you read a bunch of wsj
articles. in chrome, you try opening an incognito window(private mode) , & try
loading the page.

------
snake_plissken
My undergraduate commencement speaker was Charlie Rose. Wonderful speech.

------
cjoh
The 11th thing your commencement speaker won't tell you?

"You just spent four years of your life here, and are now six figures in debt
as a result. You didn't have to do that. Hopefully in that 4 years and with
that six figures, you learned how to educate yourself without this
institution."

~~~
pat_punnu
Yeah, I'll just call myself a surgeon and pick it up as I go along. No
problem!

Who needs to spend time learning from best academic minds in CS? I can just
tweet to some jackass Javascript 'rockstar'!

I'll just teach myself philosophy by reading these library books! I don't need
some stuffy Oxford tutor who has been doing it for their whole life passing on
their knowledge one-to-one!

Civil engineering? Making mistakes is how you learn!

I don't need a network and credentials! I'll just apply to this government
policy institute with my GitHub profile and some retarded PHP library.

You people are fucking deluded. I can't believe tech has become so anti-
intellectual.

~~~
DanBC
I agree with you. Part of going to college is using their funding to get
access to their equipment. Most people have no chance of getting to use a
particle accelerator unless they go to uni or work with one.

You also get to hang out with a bunch of people doing similar things. You
compete with them; you learn from them; you learn by teaching them.

You get to talk to people who have done important things in the field you're
working in.

Of course, this is all in the ideal situation. Unfortunately modern education
seems, for many people, to be "cram 'em in to get the funding". The education
is secondary. Certainly some universities in the UK appear to be just
extensions of 6th form education, and not the launchpad into proper academic
rigorousness that they should be. (Not all, obviously. There's a lot of great
work coming out of uni's.)

~~~
pat_punnu
Here's what I think people are missing: if you don't go to college then you
don't know what you don't know. These people with no education think they know
it all anyway, but that's because they're blind to what they could have
learned.

It makes me angry because it's so fucking arrogant! There are people working
at colleges who have a lifetime of experience, hundreds of peer-reviewed
publications and grants, and people just think they can teach themselves all
of that without any of their help!

~~~
throwaway1979
The anti-intellectualism in tech is quite surprising today. I find it shocking
that we live in the age of CS yet great professors are quitting their faculty
jobs to do startups and working at Google. I think the problem is lack of
social status and compensation mismatch. Physicians still get some respect.
Professors and researchers don't.

------
michaelochurch
Most commencement speakers are double outliers.

1\. They're highly successful. Most people aren't.

2\. The validation of an academic meritocracy where many top members (compared
to anything else in society) hate the corporate world means that they're
likely to be people of merit. Most highly successful people aren't.

They're great at inspiring, but they've had just too much good luck to know
how the world really works and what people are actually like. You have to fail
in a hard-core sort of way that most people wouldn't survive to get that
understanding.

~~~
codex
This is why I love Steve Jobs' commencement address at Stanford. He was
brutally honest. I love how he attributes much of his success to _not_ having
a college degree.

~~~
hello_newman
"I love how he attributes much of his success to not having a college degree."

I love the part where he talks about Reed College and says something along the
lines of "It was almost as expensive as Stanford" and he chuckled. The camera
pans to the audience, and you can see the Professors behind him just stare
with a straight face. Kind of seemed like he reminded all the students in the
audience (and some adults I am sure) that they are now carrying around a
mountain of debt.

~~~
argonaut
To be clear, you are much more likely to graduate with debt from a low to mid-
upper tier private college than you are likely to graduate with debt from a
wealthy school like Stanford, due to the fact that Stanford can afford to
spend a large amount on financial aid.

Exceptions always abound, though, and there are always a few who fall through
the cracks (and these people tend to show up on HN attacking my assetions :) )

~~~
hello_newman
Exactly. I have always found that funny. Schools like Harvard, Stanford, MIT
are often on on par with, if not somewhat cheaper (factoring in the "school
brand-name"), than lower level schools. Stanford also pays for your education
if your house-hold income is less than 100k.

