

How Loneliness is Contagious - widgetycrank
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1943748,00.html

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10ren
So, friendliness and trust should also be contagious, as the proverbial smile.

Co-operating with someone to achieve something worthwhile - whether
productively, as in work; or pleasantly, as in play - is a good building
block.

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starpilot
Maybe there could be a social network tuned for the lonely. One that helps
them become unlonely by fostering real-life relationships and that isn't
overtly remedial. I don't know how this would be executed though. How does an
online service push people into socializing offline? (Yes, I'm one of those
crazy Luddites who thinks there is no substitute for personal, face-to-face
interaction.)

~~~
DrStalker
It's a great idea if you can figure out how to make it work; you aim for users
that are lonely and want to stop being lonely and create situation to get them
involved with other, similar people.

And somehow make sure the loneliness doesn't spread to make an entire
community of even more miserable people.

So a few challenges to overcome, but a nice core idea.

~~~
acqq
> And somehow make sure the loneliness doesn't spread

I went to the first meeting of loners but it was canceled due to insufficient
attendance.

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defdac
I wonder how this relates to cocooning:

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocooning>

[http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4207/is_19950305/ai_...](http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4207/is_19950305/ai_n10187700/)

[http://www.allbusiness.com/human-resources/workforce-
managem...](http://www.allbusiness.com/human-resources/workforce-
management/125828-1.html)

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fleitz
I've often been alone but never felt lonely, I guess this video kind of sums
up my thoughts. "How to be alone" <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs>

~~~
alxp
I love that this has gotten so well-known. Tanya is from my hometown and it's
fantastic to see a member of our arts community make an imprint on the world
like she has.

~~~
fleitz
If you know her send her my thanks, her video was very inspiring to myself and
a bunch of my friends.

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antareus
1\. If this is true, whatever mechanism the loneliness uses to spread is
probably also the cue for some people to disengage. You know, when things get
kinda rough and you talk to people, they sort of pull back a little, as if you
don't have as much to offer. They somehow know something's up...probably from
a slew of very subtle nonverbal cues.

2\. I've often felt that Facebook creates more loneliness because it
encourages a sort of fake, communal happiness. People generally want to put
their best foot forward since their thoughts are broadcast immediately to
everyone. And if someone deviates from this often enough they're shunned. I
really don't know what the solution is, other than to not use Facebook. It's
almost like FB has a spiritual 'cost' associated with it.

~~~
anthuswilliams
I've noticed this effect on Facebook as well. And the effect seems to be more
pronounced among those who visit as much as three or four times a day.

Specifically you can see status updates shift wildly from "I'm so happy! My
life is awesome!" to "Why can't people just stop talking behind my back!?",
often over the course of only a few days.

I get the feeling some people have inadvertently allowed DB to replace their
social lives. And FB is replete with empty social promises ("we should hang
out sometime"). I can see that resulting in the social mistrust the article's
talking about.

When I am on FB too much, I sometimes get the feeling I am looking through a
window at social scenes in which I am conspicuously absent. I am sometimes
invited to participate, but I can always feel the fake "here's my card"
element in the invitations. I don't get that feeling on other social networks
--HN, for example--even though I think I have less common ground with the
brilliant people here on HN than I do on Facebook. What do you think it is
about Facebook, specifically, that creates that feeling?

~~~
antareus
> When I am on FB too much, I sometimes get the feeling I am looking through a
> window at social scenes in which I am conspicuously absent.

Absolutely. You get the distinct feeling that you are watching other people
enjoying life instead of actually having fun in your own life. In the times I
am on FB too much, I know, at some level, that I'm looking to connect more
meaningfully with people. But I'm confusing knowing _about_ someone with
having a _relationship_ with that person. It's like pornography for the shy.
And, just like pornography, it also feels so...empty. There's a certain social
code that prohibits you from simply striking up conversation randomly with
"friends" on a status update. I mean, you can, but it is risky.

Facebook is vanity, pure and simple. It is your personal PR machine. Ideas are
not valued as they are, they're always filtered by what your "friends" think
of you. More anonymous sites, such as HN, fare better in this regard. The
demographics of the users also have a huge effect. FB will be abuzz with
something like football teams winning/losing, but few will put up anything you
wouldn't find on a generic, boring web portal, such as MSN. The "Like" feature
only reinforces this lowest common denominator conformity.

I regularly question my use of the site. In subsequent stages of life I can
easily see myself not having an account at all. I can only hope their walled
garden approach fails somehow, because my generation is not smart enough to
wake up from the always-connected narcotic that is web 2.0.

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rdtsc
It depends what prompts the feeling of 'loneliness' and how people interpret
it. From what the article seems to say is that it was a self reported metric
of '# of days I felt "lonely" in the last week'. They found that those close
to those feeling lonely were loney as well.

If we interpret loneliness as an expected social interaction that doesn't take
place -- then of course if one person refused to reciprocate or contact their
friend, neighbour, or family member that other person will feel lonely,
perhaps rejected in some way. So that's the "expected a social interaction
that didn't take place" if then that person refuses to engage in social
interactions then it turns into a sort of a network effect.

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scotty79
So basically what is the message in this article?

"Avoid lonely people."

Pervertedly ironic.

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JoeAltmaier
I depend on trying to keep up with you guys, to keep from feeling lonely.
Pathetic, I know.

~~~
antareus
Acceptance is the first step towards wholeness.

