
The Science Behind Why Some Are Shy - pseudolus
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20190604-the-science-behind-why-some-of-us-are-shy
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whitepoplar
I'm shy because I feel I'm not cool, smart, or successful enough to be
deserving of happiness and friendship, which is ridiculous when you think
about it, but it's what goes on in my head. I really want to stop this, but
it's hard once you've lived it for so long.

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fiveoak
What's interesting is that some of my best friends have been people that
society would judge as unsuccessful, not smart, and not cool. Mutually feeling
accepted by one another is a big part of it I think, but I never really
thought about it other than "chemistry".

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whitepoplar
I think one of the biggest mistakes of my life was falling into a
depression/sadness hole and making friends with other depressed and sad
people. It continues the cycle. And many of these people are not as nice and
accepting as you'd be led to believe (applies to myself, too! something I've
been changing.)

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snikeris
Eh, I wouldn't say it was a mistake. Those people got you through a tough
time, and I'm sure it was mutual. Now you realize you want something
different, and that's okay too.

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whitepoplar
I think that's a very good way to put it and I think you're right. Thanks.

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fnord77
> Is shyness necessarily a bad thing?

in today's world it most definitely is a very bad thing. It's a social and
economic handicap.

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pastor_elm
Not everyone likes extroverted, talkative people, especially when so many of
these people wind up putting their foot in their mouths at some point.

A shy person can have an advantage when it comes to empathy and listening.
I've developed some very good relationships as a shy person.

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partiallypro
I don't think they are saying being shy is bad itself, but that it gives you a
distinct disadvantage in the modern world, especially in the work place and in
politics.

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pastor_elm
Here are some physiological (or maybe I should just say verbal) reasons that
contribute to my own shyness (that i suspect others experience as well):

1\. I have a difficult time verbalizing my thoughts, and I'm very self-
conscious about it, which keeps me relatively quiet a lot of the time. I feel
like there is a chasm between my brain and my mouth.

2\. I find social 'banter', especially the type you find in group
conversation, contrived and difficult to participate in. A one-on-one
conversation with a person is much easier for me to participate in.

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seasail
Funnily enough I met somebody the other day who explained what it could be.
Namely, a physiological disorder where not being able to easily understand
sounds, i.e. to not have the ability to decipher them effectively.

Equally it does exactly that when you speak; you can't quite make it smooth
and flowing, because the feedback of even your own voice is lacking in
efficiency.

Song lyrics is another thing that is hard to understand.

It makes group chat and banter very, very tiring because you're just having to
spend tonnes of energy just keeping "with it".

It's known as audio processing dissorder, and it's not all together uncommon.

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Circuits
I am a living, breathing, oxymoron. I have no problem in social situations
once I am in them but I have tremendous problems getting into them. Then, once
I am in them, I enjoy it for about an hour or two before I am screaming in my
own head: "GET ME THE #$@# OUT OF HERE!!!" then once I get out I am good for a
few days before I think to myself: "My life sucks I wish I wasn't such a
loner" and since I have trouble getting into social situations I can be stuck
on the "My life sucks..." stuff for months, sometimes years.

I would love to get another girlfriend... its been about 6 years now. Worst
thing is the women I am interested in are even more shy than myself and I live
in a part of the country where apparently woman are much more shy on average.

WHY IS THIS SO HARD?

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piazz
Are you me?

Maybe this is an ambivert + social anxiety thing?

It is so odd. I like to be alone, but I like to know that I have a social
interaction planned for later in the day, etc, so that I’m not guaranteed to
be alone for the WHOLE day. And then once I’m there, I’m eager to get back to
being by myself.

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Circuits
Yes but now that you know I have to kill me... us.

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loblollyboy
I'm shy because I'm afraid of people thinking badly of me. But I like people.

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593throwaway
I was like that.

And then I fell in love, at which point I stopped caring about what other
people thought of me... I only cared about what the target of my affection
thought.

Which was terrible for that relationship because I was extremely shy around
her, but it somewhat cured my shyness around other people when I wasn't with
her.

Which resulted in a positive feedback loop, wherein my shyness slowly
disappeared entirely. I'm still an introvert, and lack experience in certain
social situations which I always avoided when younger, but I don't consider
myself shy anymore.

Not something easily emulated, but I thought I'd share my perspective anyway.

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loblollyboy
That's pretty interesting, but how were you in a relationship with someone and
still shy around them?

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wolfgke
I often think that shyness is rather a natural protection (like an immune
response) against a world that is simply full off assholes. So you should
really carefully consider whether you want to overcome your shyness.

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rolltiide
presupposes that shyness doesn't have an advantage

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tmaly
I was really hoping the article would have had some interesting lifehacker
type tips for overcoming shyness. Alas I am disappointed with an earwax
flavored jelly bean.

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invalidusernam3
Not the best advice, but: alcohol

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badrabbit
Self-image?

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DougN7
Tldr; - it’s genes and environment. Not much science actually discussed.

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spectramax
BBC has become a tabloid and this article resonates that.

I also don't understand why is it that we need to dumb things down for people
to be interested in it? Technical details are interesting even if I don't
fully understand it. It shows rigor and depth on the journalist's part.

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tmaly
I think it might just be the time we are in. Attention spans are shorter due
to technological distractions. The BBC simply adapted to serve the LCD

