
Why women write about being women in tech - CodeLikeAGirl
https://code.likeagirl.io/why-women-write-about-being-women-in-tech-ddbd17699a6
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Mz
_We don’t want to always have to be talking about this._

So, then, just stop. You have posted six articles to HN so far and they all
appear to be about this same subject. I would be thrilled if you wrote about
something else and posted that.

I get it: The door has been opened and this stuff is getting a certain amount
of sympathy here on HN and not merely being completely pissed all over for a
change. So, you and a few other women are all excited as hell that you can
feel heard for a change.

But being heard as _just a victim_ is not real progress. It actually helps
keep this problem alive. While you have a little bit of attention, why not
talk about cool tech or something so that the world can see you as something
other than _a whiny bitch_?

I like talking about this subject at times myself. When I do comment on it, it
gets vastly more attention than most other things I do. So, I fully understand
how the behavior of other people contributes to this cycle of only talking
about being a woman in tech because it is the most positive experience you
have had all day. Everything else you have said on any other subject has
probably been largely ignored or completely shot down.

But, ultimately, it is on us women to decide to put the focus on other things.

It's fine if you find it cathartic to blog about this. I do plenty of blogging
to process stuff. But, if this is the ONLY thing you blog about and/or the
ONLY thing you post to HN, you are part of the problem, not part of the
solution.

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dandare
Ubiquitous sexism is certainly one of the biggest problems of modern society
but as a man I don't think that collectively blaming all men with some
universal gender sin will ever achieve anything.

~~~
vyhd
Please cite the section of the article that "collectively blames all men with
some universal gender sin".

~~~
erikpukinskis
I think this is an interesting question, and I was curious if there was any
substance to your OP's takeaway, so I went and looked again:

> _shaming girls for having visible bodies and prioritizing the education of
> boys over girls, rather than teaching boys to pay attention and not
> objectify girls._

... implies that boys specifically do not pay attention to girls, and instead
objectify them.

> _in an industry that continues to raise up and pat the most historically
> powerful and privileged amongst us — white men — on the back_

... constructs white men as a group who is generously risen up and patted on
the back

> _Instead of being recognized for the complex, multi-dimensional individuals
> we are — a privilege white men are afforded at birth_

... constructs white men as collectively understood as complex and
multidimensional.

These all strike me as somewhat accurate, to a degree. However I somewhat
agree with your OP that this kind of essentialism, when used to fight sexism
is counterproductive.

I would prefer we try to stop essentializing altogether. We don't need to say
"men are X" in order say "I would like to make sure women are afforded
opportunity Y". I think there's a path here where we can talk about the
specific behaviors we want to discourage, without constructing those behaviors
as typical of men.

Not because they are atypical of men, but because we are trying to construct
men who are not doing those behaviors, and we need a definition of manhood
that works for those men too. Unless the plan is for men to disavow manhood
entirely, but I don't see a lot of feminists advocating for that yet.

~~~
vyhd
And my position is that the effort needed to move past those implications is
so miniscule, especially in comparison to the problems they address, that we
can afford to suck it up.

Tone arguments are so often used for concern trolling around women's issues
(and doubly so on HN) that I don't have much patience for them. Frankly, there
is no way these problems can be phrased that will both make everyone happy and
_not_ omit crucial facts of the scenario (i.e., that women cannot achieve
equality without men who are both aware of these problems and willing to act
on them).

~~~
erikpukinskis
Sadly, I've been hurt in conversations like this and a couple things you did
make me feel unsafe, so I'm going to stop. I appreciate your feedback though,
I will do some soul searching on the places where I am concern trolling and
tone policing.

