
Man down: why do so many suffer depression in silence? - DanBC
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/aug/13/why-do-men-suffer-depression-in-silence
======
SeeDave
I used to suffer from depression and my solution was to start regularly
attending faith-related events.

Not going to go into the exact specifics, to be respectful of everyone's
personal religious/spiritual beliefs, but I found a great community, hope,
sense of belonging, volunteer opportunities and more. This provided me a firm
foundation to reduce my drinking, eat healthier, exercise more, and just be an
overall kinder and better person with hope for the future.

I encourage people who suffer from milder forms of depression (situational, as
opposed to the more serious forms of major depression) to maybe consider
faith/religion/spirituality as a part of a balanced approach to handling it.

~~~
ambivalents
Always a kneejerk atheist and adamant introvert, I'm warming to this
viewpoint. A welcoming, value-based community (religious or not) that you
consistently show up to seems so valuable--I've seen how well it works for
others. And I believe it will become increasingly so as we become increasingly
individualistic and isolated.

I've followed the faithless, lone wolf way of life for some time now. But is
that really working for me? I have my doubts. Thanks for sharing your
experience.

~~~
SeeDave
Nothing wrong with being an atheist or an introvert, those are totally
legitimate beliefs and personality types.

Faith totally worked for me, and might work for you or anyone else too. I
didn't include my specific beliefs and community because it may not be for
everyone, but if you can get similar benefits (community, hope, belonging,
volunteering) from any other positive place then more power to you!

Life is an interesting journey, and I hope you can live it to its fullest :)

------
coldtea
Because depression is considered a personal physiological problem/mental issue
as opposed to something triggered by modern life to susceptible dispositions
-- and few care about other people's issues, especially if they can't do
anything about them.

~~~
zollidia
And if one attempts to open up about their issues, they are told that their
problems are small compared to this and that, and so and so. It doesn't help
when Psychologists are expensive with insurance, without insurance - good luck
on getting an appointment.

------
jgalt212
At risk of going Damore, it's because men don't complain enough. Without
complaints, other people may not know enough to help those who cannot help
themselves.

------
bbulkow
Because if you talk to your friends and family about it, their reaction will
be to shun you, and tell you to get professional help.

Professional help is very unsophisticated. Standard psychoanalytic talk
therapy has very low success rates. Pharmacologic solutions seem to work but
are dicey ( big side effects and long lag between start of drug and effect,
obscuring value of treatment and making settling on a course of treatment hard
). The best treatment in all my reading is excercise, which can be applied as
"self-medication".

In America, where we have no practical medical record privacy, if you seek
treatment, pre-Obamacare you would be practically denied insurance on the open
market forevermore, and likely the information may be leaked in a variety of
ways, or - again in the old system - you might be practically denied. I have
heard stores about people getting insurance, then seeking treatment, getting a
bunch of treatment, then the insurance company coming back ( remember, after
approving care ) saying "This was probably a preexisting condition so we're
not going to pay it after all, and we're going to retroactively cancel your
policy, and you can never have a policy again with us, and you have to tell
any other insurance company why we denied you coverage - because you lied when
describing medical history, which will block you from any other insurance".
Very reliable source, who obviously I can't disclose.

I suppose America is past those dark days --- but I'll need another 2 years
before I believe it.

If you fundraise successfully, you will be asked to fill out a questionnaire
regarding medical history. You will be asked whether you have a history of
depression. This may be asked as due diligence, this may be asked as part of
the "key man insurance". At least, I'm pretty sure I had a number of those ---
and I was very happy I could truthfully answer "no history of any medical
issues" to all of those questions.

You don't want to go looking for money as a founder with "history of
depression" on your resume. Really don't. Funding is hard, founding is hard,
don't need more "hair on the ball".

~~~
egwynn
It sounds like one thing you’re describing is a vicious-cycle in the world of
startups. One where:

1\. Founding/funding seems to encourage lying about mental state (financial
incentive to say you’re doing great when you might not be)

2\. Someone who lies about their mental state seems to be at a disadvantage to
manage their emotions and avoid a crisis

