
I’m a developer, and the community scares me… - sad-dev
https://medium.com/@depressed.developer/i-m-a-developer-and-the-community-scares-me-91b92e1d982c#.tqo0m1ty2
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skewart
I’m a developer at a startup in San Francisco. I’d be willing to bet a large
sum of money that the _vast_ majority of developers are so-called ‘dark matter
developers’. Contributing to open source projects, writing helpful blog posts,
and participating in hackathons is going above and beyond the norm. Heck, even
reading HN and proggit regularly and staying on top of new trends is probably
going above and beyond the norm.

That said, it does sometimes seem like there is increased cultural value in
being busy with lots of things — going to conferences and meetups, writing
blog posts, contibuting to any and all open source projects. This kind of
seems at odds with the old programmer ethos of laziness as a virtue.

I'm tempted to say that a lot of this ‘engagement’ with the community is cargo
culting.

In any case, thanks for writing this anon. I've had similar thoughts and it's
always reassuring to be reminded that I'm not the only one.

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realitylabs
For what it's worth, I've been working as some role in IT for 25 years,
published a book and written some heavily used pieces of software and feel the
same way. It helped me to start sharing those thoughts with others I respected
in the community to get their feedback and to help fight that negative voice
in my head. I think those thoughts are common and when they are (now) shared
with me, I confirm to the person that to tell themselves that it's crazy talk;
sometimes my brain wants to keep me isolated even though that's the opposite
of what's healthy for it.

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ferrari8608
Have you considered therapy? It sounds to me like your issues with getting out
and networking with developers don't have much to do with the developers in
particular. Rather, your social anxiety within you is holding you back from
putting yourself out there.

I'm no expert on these things, but I did used to be primarily introverted.
Extrovert tendencies did not emerge until I started working to fix the parts
of my personality that would always hold me back from new possibilities and
opportunities, and you can't fix what you don't understand.

Throw something out there. Send a pull request or message. See what happens.
You can't gauge your worth based on failed attempts to elicit feedback.

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sdoering
I would recommend you think about therapy. Getting professional help might get
your feet on a way to long term betterment.

What I was wondering is why you should be want to be seen. Do you feel the
need to be recognised. Do you miss appreciation?

I would really, really recommend professional help. This is not something to
be taken lightly.

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sdiq
While I am not sure whether you are on medication but that can really help.
Besides anti-depressants you also need to look for a good psychotherapist.
Therapy would certainly help you, too.

