
Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you? - chauhankiran
The same question was asked a year ago with so many amazing answers, experience, and deep advice. Asking the same question again after almost a year.<p>Previous entry: https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=17316120
======
news_hacker
\- We need to apply the same principles of consumption that we do to food to
information. Consume responsibly. Be aware of the sourcing. Don't binge. Know
what's junk and what's nourishing. Give back to positive sources to nourish
and grow them (sustainability).

\- Income inequality is huge. Slavery still exists but in a misdirected,
slight-of-hand way. Work or the system will abandon you and it's "your fault".

\- Learn the macro-game that you are a part of and the micro-game that you are
a part of. You can only ever play/influence the micro-game so focus on that,
but the macro-game can give useful context.

\- Look where the sun doesn't shine. When everyone's looking one way, see what
they're missing.

\- Virtues are important. Virtues conflict. Meekness is a virtue, but don't
make it your only one.

\- Wealth has three portions: financials, relationships, and intelligence.
Nurture all three.

\- It's difficult to break out of the middle-class. It's even harder to break
out of the middle-class mentality.

\- There are many loopholes to fast-track you to your goals. Live your life by
the orthodox narratives, and you may miss out on something fortuitous that
crosses your path.

~~~
methusala8
All valid points. Can you please elaborate on the final loopholes part?

~~~
logari
I identify with that part, so I will explain my interpretation of it:

If you do things the way they all do, you go on the path well-traveled. But if
you dare to do what your heart tells you to do, even though it is outside of
the "standard" way of doing things, then you stop being a commoner and become
special.

If you didnt dare to be special, you will never know what you will have
missed. True courage is living your life the way you want it (without harming
others in anyway, of course) and not by the socially constructed dictates that
are ephemeral anyway.

Be real, stay cool, and enjoy the journey!

------
periram
Anyone can run, you just need to reset your expectations.

Backstory. I used to not like running at all. Every time I ran, my mind would
count down either time left or distance left. It always felt easy in the
beginning but very soon would be unattainable. But now I can run decent
distances without getting mentally or physically exhausted.

So here are the lessons:

1\. The first 1 mile is the hardest.

2\. Second mile is hard but not nearly as hard as the first mile.

3\. For the first few weeks do not run more than 1- 3 miles (based on your
history) even if you can. There is no need to. The habit is more important
than what you achieve on any given day.

4\. Run slowly, lean forward and really reduce the impact on your knees. I
started running one mile in 12 - 14 minutes, that is really slow.

5\. Breathing. If you run slowly and let your body do it's thing, then your
breathing will become rhythmic and in-sync with how much energy your body
needs.

6\. After a few weeks magic happens. You can run 8 miles in about one hour,
not get bored, not think about it. You mind zones out and focuses on something
productive.

I learnt more things, but wanted to share this.

~~~
emit_time
How often did you run starting out?

I’ve been doing 1 miles after my strength workouts ~3x a week, and it hasn’t
gotten much better. Been doing it for about 2 months.

~~~
mikekchar
This is years ago, but when I was doing strength workouts, I found that I was
burning through my sugar reserves. It takes a while of running before your
body moves from burning mostly sugar to burning an even mix of sugar and fat.
It does it faster the more cardiovascularly fit you are, but when you first
start it can take up to 30 minutes. If you only run 1 mile, you aren't getting
there.

I recommend swapping the running and lifting for a couple of months until you
get that working better. Once you are running 3-5 miles then you'll give
yourself enough time to switch to burning fat as fuel and you won't have so
much trouble running after lifting (the first mile is always hard, though).

Or at least that was my experience. Haven't done it in more than 20 years...
(stopped lifting -- kept running ;-) ).

------
AwesomeFaic
I took a seemingly dull job for good, reliable pay and long-term prospects. I
thought I was sacrificing personal interests for the sake of being a
responsible adult, but in fact the income and generous work-life balance has
given me more freedom to pursue outside interests than ever before. And the
work isn't as dull as I expected.

~~~
BigHatLogan
That's great! I'm starting to view things through your lens as I get older--
that work is more about setting up the foundation for the rest of your life
instead of being the central focus of your life. I think if you can make it
the central focus of your life and manage to succeed--however you define it--
that's a wonderful thing, but there's also nothing wrong with taking, as you
said, a "seemingly dull job", performing well at it, and then coming home and
pursuing other interests. It doesn't sound as defeatist as it did when I was
in my late teens and early 20's. It sounds practical and even somewhat
motivating to me, that your work doesn't have to be this grand adventure. It
can simply be a job that you show up on time to and perform well in, and then
afterwards you can close your laptop and do something else.

~~~
AwesomeFaic
Absolutely, and I'll admit I definitely had a defeatist attitude starting the
job search knowing that the goal was security & stability. I'm 27 now and
spent nearly two years self-employed and/or job searching in the last five. It
was definitely a stressful roller coaster of an experience, but it was just
the kick in the pants to reevaluate my priorities, and quickly.

------
ethnologica
•You are what you consume - People, music, news, etc. If you mostly consume
the “positive” side of life, your mindset will follow. •Moving upwards in
society is not as easy as I thought. “Classes” reproduce themselves in the
dress of habitus. •You can only rely on yourself. “Friends” are stage of life
companions. •Finding a partner in crime seems like a tough task - don’t settle
with someone, who you are only with to not feel lonely. •Your phone won’t make
you happy. Risk a glance to the left and right. •Politics will make you
depressed. If you are not going to be a politician let things be.

~~~
hazz99
> You are what you consume

I'd like to highlight this – especially for those searching for insight in the
comments.

Pick and choose what media & content you consume. The adage "you are the
average of the 5 people you spend the most time with" applies directly to
media.

Over the past ~6 months I've filtered a lot of stuff I read. I don't read
online arguments. I don't read much political content. I try not to read
anything that won't leave me feeling better afterwards.

This has lead to a marked improvement in my attitude and approach to life –
I'm a much more positive person. Attitude changes have huge run-on effects in
your life – my personal and professional relationships benefited hugely.

~~~
heavenlyblue
>> I don't read online arguments.

Don’t you simply bored with those? I genuinely find them incredibly formulaic
and then I just stop reading - most of the opinions are barely worth a dime
unless the author actually did some homework supporting what they say.

~~~
logari
Especially on YouTube, there are quite a lot of people whose opinions are not
calculated, fact-backed and experience-baked, who merely say things because
they gotta say it.

------
Humdeee
The past year I've changed quite a bit about myself due to self-reflection. My
SO and I were having some issues and I told her outright I wished she put as
much effort and time into our relationship as she did her career.

But that got me thinking about how I'm perceived professionally versus how I'm
perceived personally. How am I regarded to everyone in my life outside of
work? Around the office, I've worked hard to be seen and described as a calm,
level headed guy who is well rounded with both hard dev skills and soft
skills. Am I that outside of work? The truth is I can be impatient, I can be
fierce, and my standards can certainly feel unachievable from others. I
consciously draw a hard line showing that in any workplace setting. I get it
from my father and upbringing. He was a hardened road cop for work and a
loving, yet strict father at home. I was living his work-life temperament in
reverse. I didn't want to reverse it, just carry over the good. I'm now in my
early thirties, about the time he had me.

Easier said than done, but simply put, I've stopped giving a shit about the
little things that ultimately add up to so little importance in life. The
ingraining of this took a while, but I'm (nearly) unphaseable now. I live life
with better temperament. I'm a warmer person. It's led to less stress and and
a happier personality. I've also striven to see my parents more and to be the
catalyst to spending time with friends. It feels better to give out to others
than take in. I still live a perpetually busy schedule, but days are
relatively easy and fulfilling, rather than a grind like before.

Point is I believe this thread is targeted to the workplace, but don't ignore
everything outside of it. It took me long enough to realize it's much more
important.

~~~
dhruvkar
also in my early thirties and wanting to escape the 'grind' mindset. What
sorts of things do you give less of a crap about?

------
kup0
I now know what true loss feels like. Lost my grandmother (who raised me and
was a mother to me) about six months ago. Things have felt weird ever since,
but I'm handling it better than I expected. It might be a different story once
I feel comfortable starting to go through her things (I lived with and helped
take care of her). I've gotten closer to some other family members since.

I realized that I can handle more than I thought, even though it is a pain I
haven't felt before. Just trying to make the best of every day since then and
keep moving forward.

~~~
mboekhoff
I lost my mum just slightly over a year ago, so I know the feeling. And all I
really can say is that I'm truly sorry for your loss and that I hope you can
one day look back and remember the good things. I guess that's all that one
can ask for when presented with situations like these.

Good luck with everything.

~~~
kup0
Thank you. We had all sorts of good times, so it’s good to have a reminder to
focus on those.

------
surds
I believe I am an optimist. Last several months made me a realist.

Toned down my habit of almost compulsorily seeing the good in people. I am
less trusting of new people now. Made me more aware of my own characteristics
that I had not given much thought to. My patience levels have gone down the
drain, compassion out the window and I have more of a GTFO attitude for
anything that, in my opinion, is bullshit.

Several traits have changed. I don’t like some of the changes that I see in
myself - but I suppose that happens when someone slowly shreds your life and
emotional and mental well-being over several months.

The lowest point in my life was probably over last few months. Most of what I
built over last 5-6 years is gone, but that’s okay.

I am at peace, with occasional bouts of depression over past events. Perhaps I
will be able to learn my lessons and avoid making the same personal mistakes
in the future.

I am rebuilding. Let’s see how that goes. Hope I see this question next year.
:)

~~~
hazz99
> Toned down my habit of almost compulsorily seeing the good in people.

Do you think this is a good thing? I've personally tried to do the complete
opposite, and I think it's thoroughly improved my life and mental wellbeing.

I think it's very possible to be introspective and aware of oneself while
still seeing the good in everyone.

I hope you feel better :) Life has it's ups and downs, and I've found that
time fixes most of it - we just have to learn to enjoy the ride (which can be
nigh impossible at times, don't get me wrong)

~~~
surds
No, I don’t think it is a good thing. It goes against my base nature/attitude
but I noticed that I am not actively doing it. It has just become so. :(

I am hoping that this is just a temporary effect of all the damage sustained
over last year. As I recover and move on, hope to get back to normal. It is
really a positive trait to have - for your own well being as you are not
mentally consumed by negative thoughts about others.

You are right! It will all get better, and I am going to give as much time as
needed to ride this phase out.

------
alexk307
1\. Work-life balance is more important than money.

2\. Don't trust your company to do right by you even if you really believe
that they will. Only you can look out for you.

3\. Cannabis is medicine.

~~~
Anti-fascist
From my experience, cannabis can be medicine but most people just smoke bad
stuff they don't know or get addicted to either real cannabis or the bad
stuff. Cannabis unlike, say mushrooms, is addictive so watch out. It can make
one crave, especially if they experienced neglect, bullying, or violence in
childhood. Enjoy it with moderation! :)

~~~
leoh
What is the "bad stuff"? What do you mean by that?

~~~
Anti-fascist
When it is mixed with some other chemicals to either increase its amount to
increase the "high" effect. Not sure what kind of canna-ibis you take (e.g.,
grass? hashish?), but hash is usually mixed with all sort of things where I
live. Grass can also be sprayed.

------
tcmb
I have a flight reflex which makes me run away when things get tough. I quit a
number of jobs because of that and then rationalized it to myself by blaming
it on whatever wasn't perfect at these companies.

I like to feel I'm the victim of circumstances, blaming hardships on some
abstract entity (like fate), subconsciously hoping that 'fate' will prove me
wrong by making something good happen to me.

I am using substances (nicotine, sweets) and certain activities (web browsing,
video streaming, podcasts) as distractions so that I don't have to face
emptiness, loneliness, and boredom.

I am constantly looking for short-term rewards and expect instant
gratification for pretty mundane things.

I am very judgmental towards other people and think I can see through their
little lies to themselves, but don't dare to look at my own.

I crave recognition and care way too much about what other people think of me.
I cannot take it when other people think I'm stupid, didn't get something,
acted carelessly, wasn't on top of things etc

I am afraid of facing uncomfortable truths about myself, my history and my
current situation.

I focus too much on where I'm not entirely the way I would like to be and have
a hard time accepting myself the way I am.

And yes, I realized almost all of that only in the last 12 months.

~~~
mikekchar
There is a Japanese TV show called "How do you like Wednesdays", where 3 or 4
guys go travelling around the world doing crazy things -- not crazy like
Youtube crazy. Just things like trying to visit every European country by car
in 2 weeks. They do stupid eating challenges, etc, etc.

One of the things I like about the show (apart from the improvised humour) is
that the director tells them what they are going to do and it usually involves
something that at least one of them hates. Then they all laugh about it and go
do it. The suffering is part of the humour.

One of the things I think modern life has been bad for is that it promises to
alleviate suffering. But I've found that suffering is something that brings as
much good as it does bad. When we avoid suffering, we avoid all those good
things. We become like an animal in a zoo -- everything is provided, but there
is no point.

I wouldn't go crazy about this, but you could consider trying to add some
suffering intentionally to your life. Just something silly like purposely
eating food that you don't like. Then revel in the audacity of it. Brag about
how you conquered the evils of liver or whatever. When people ask you why you
ate it, then say something stupid like "I ate it because it was there".

Slowly, slowly introduce more things that you can do. Make fun of them, like
the boggart in the Harry Potter series. Laugh at the stupidity of
intentionally doing these things.

One thing I will say almost for certain if you try it: You say you have a hard
time accepting yourself the way you are. You probably don't actually know what
way you are (and I'm not trying to be accusative here). You've been trapped in
your cage of comfort. You will surprise yourself, I guarantee it.

Good luck!

~~~
extempore
I highly recommend ice cold showers to anyone looking to explore this
direction. They’re easily available, don’t take very long, and produce
immediate benefits.

~~~
quickthrower2
You might have me jump into my pool on winter!

~~~
blocko
This is probably just a funny statement but be careful about submersion w/o
conditioning yourself for it prior:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_shock_response](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_shock_response)

------
throwaway8879
I'd forgotten how much I loved Megadeth, having not listened to them for well
over a decade. I realize that Peace Sells and Rust In Peace are phenomenally
written, in whatever musical context you'd want to judge them by. There are
some amazingly iconic riffs on these two records. I also realise how I got
sucked into playing/learning all this other music as I got older, when all I
ever really wanted to do was play some Megadeth riffs in my bedroom.

~~~
wnmurphy
"Hello me. Meet the real me."

------
maerF0x0
I've learned that despite earning in the 98th %ile, working a job will likely
not make me rich. I define rich as ~5M in assets including primary residence.
Thus taking a "career" is a non-starter and I would advise everyone
considering working for someone else to either 1) resign themselves to a
distinctly middle class life or 2) reconsider and start a business.

Careers that reliably earn > 500k could be considered equivalently good.
Notably this excludes most STEM careers.

~~~
tonyedgecombe
_reconsider and start a business_

There was an interesting chart linked from here a couple of months ago, sadly
I didn't bookmark it. It showed that the bottom decile of entrepreneurs earned
less than the bottom decile of employees. The top decile eared a lot more than
the top decile of employees. Everybody else was roughly equivalent.

It seemed most of the entrepreneurs were happy with this, business wasn't a
get rich scheme for them, rather a way to avoid traditional employment.

~~~
truth_be_told
Please do try and find the article/chart/video. I think it is very important
to give it wider publicity.

The reason is that, contrary to what the media might sell, "Small Businesses"
make up the majority of Entrepreneurship (particularly in the Developing
Nations) and this data might shed some insight on it. Entrepreneurship does
NOT mean "go big or go home". It is basically setting an acceptable and steady
level of income which gives one the necessary autonomy over one's own life.
All mom-and-pop businesses fall under this category. I would love to look at
some data on the size of this "Economy" which is often ignored completely.

~~~
muzani
Here's the closest I could find on it: [https://80000hours.org/2016/02/what-
the-literature-says-abou...](https://80000hours.org/2016/02/what-the-
literature-says-about-the-earnings-of-entrepreneurs/)

It's not as drastic as I expected. It's mostly unincorporated income that's
worse (freelancers, hairdressers, corner shops). They're mostly people who try
to escape work even if it means a lower salary.

The incorporated businesses earn more money across the board.

------
0kl
1) when getting things done: the connective tissue of human relationships is
at least of equal importance as the technical merits of a solution

2) in relationships: over and explicit communicating is never bad

3) always be an optimist - the world has always had problems, and not every
problem will be solved in my lifetime - so push the needle, and live happily.

*spacing

~~~
closeparen
A sister team under the same director offered a relevant platform, and we
couldn't really turn it down. We went with an architecture based on human
relationships instead of technical merit. The team sitting next to me, facing
the Sisyphean task of operating a correct and reliable product on this
platform, all burned out and left within a year.

I've taken away the opposite of your #1.

------
dmilicevic
life, existence, other people are endlessly complicated. Spending too much
time observing and figuring them out, prevents you from living and enjoying
it. Something like Heisenberg uncertainty principle in quantum physics.

All my emotions are there with a reason, it's important to figure out what is
it.

self-discipline and pursuit of your goals is a road to healthy, stable self-
confidence and self-esteem.

Everyone around you seem to know how you should lead your life, listen to only
those whose life is similar to what you aspire, filter out the rest.

Surround yourself with people that make you feel good. Cut out the toxic
relationships and habits.

Practise gratitude for the people in your life, your health etc...

Do things that matter to you.

~~~
Aty2685
> listen to only those whose life is similar to what you aspire, filter out
> the rest

So I believe for the most part, I have been following this advice and I'm not
sure if it has been optimal for achieving my goal. I'm not debating, I quite
literally don't know. I'm current attending university.

The issue is, I aspire to start my own company, and eventually build a billion
dollar company. That is my life's ambition and I will do anything to make it
happen. The issue is, the vast majority of people Ive met in university just
want to work for Google or Facebook, and don't have any other aspirations
outside that.

I purposefully push people away and don't listen to advice because I don't
think somebody whose entire purpose in life is to work at Google is somebody I
want to be close friends with. I'll be nice to them, but not super close. It
really stings because I haven't really made any close friends here and have a
hard time fitting in. That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make but I'm not sure
it's the optimal path to my goal.

Maybe the optimal path is becoming close friends with these people even though
your goals aren't aligned?

Am I going about life wrong?

~~~
justsomeguy3591
In my experience being good friends with people =/= accepting and applying
their life advice. I have plenty of people I consider good friends who do
almost nothing to further my career goals but are worth so much to me in terms
of emotional support, companionship, and sharing in common interests.

Regarding the Google/Facebook group of potential friends: I would describe
most people there as hardworking, diligent, and smart - all wonderful traits
to look for in friends even if your end goals aren't necessarily aligned. And
given the nature of the companies they're working for - there's plenty of
value in hearing their perspective of how things operate from the inside of
these companies in addition to the potential networking/social connection
opportunities.

My advice (for whatever it's worth) would be to focus on finding a few people
you could consider mentors or advisors - preferably people that have founded
or are in the process of founding companies and look to them for advice on
your particular path and situations. You're right that you likely won't find
these people at school; I'd say the a better bet would be something like
AngelList, Twitter, in-person events, or even cold-emailing those who you
think you can provide some value to (this is important).

Best of luck on your adventure!

~~~
dmilicevic
Exactly! It doesn't necessarily mean that you shouldn't be good friends with
people, only because you wouldn't apply their life advices. There are many
other qualities in people that you can benefit from.

------
badpun
What I thought I wanted was not really what I wanted. My mind just concoted
those goals, so that I could go towards them and escape current unpleasant
situation. Once I did that, I learned that the grass was not greener on the
other side.

~~~
accrual
I can connect with this. My current situation is not the greatest and I'm
frustrated with it daily, but from an outside view (which I develop myself),
things are pretty peachy and comfortable. It's a struggle thinking about _what
could be_ and _what is_ , especially when you don't have the foresight to know
how either will actually pan out.

------
lapnitnelav
I learned I do have a case of mild autism (thanks to someone here posting a
relevant link) and maybe ADHD-ish.

While this isn't a great news in itself, I'm grateful that I've been able to
benchmark my oddness. Now that I know, it's easier for me to be more self
aware and prevent my weird half to do stupid things.

I still trip and fall, and probably will keep doing that forever, but I'me
better at falling without hurting myself too much. Sometimes it does drive me
to a light paranoia but still working on the tuning of the feedback loop.

I haven't fully digested this yet, a bit tough to swallow at nearly 30 yo but
hey that's life.

Also, as a result, I don't fit too well into corporate environments and
therefore, for the sake of my own baseline happiness, should keep them at bay.

~~~
maxhallinan
What's the link?

~~~
lapnitnelav
[https://aspietests.org/raads/index.php](https://aspietests.org/raads/index.php)

Here you go. Good luck, it's 80 questions. (My pet theory is that going
through all those questions is already an answer in itself)

------
justsomeguy3591
\- Following your curiosity and passion often leads to amazing things

\- Sometimes you simply don't have enough information to make a super
calculated decision and you have to trust your gut and just go for it

\- Performing stack traces on my beliefs and following them down to the people
& things I originally got them from has allowed me to clear some real garbage
out of my mind

~~~
Bootwizard
I'm really interested in how that third one works. Can you elaborate on the
process involved?

~~~
justsomeguy3591
Absolutely!

So this really began with reading through Eliezer Yudkowsky's post series on
LessWrong about Fake Beliefs [0].

In summary: start with a thought/opinion/belief (the more recurring or obvious
the better; thoughts about what I should or shouldn't do, beliefs about
society, economics, politics, or biology). I then try to write out my
understanding of that concept and try to dig at two questions (and I find
typing this stuff out is much better than doing it in thought, but talking to
someone works as well):

1\. Where did I obtain this understanding of the world - was it my education,
something in the media, friends, coworkers, family, childhood) and is it
factually accurate? Generally this involves research and attempting to see how
in line this understanding of the world is with evidence-based literature or
people I trust.

2\. Does this belief or understanding _actually_ allow me to make falsifiable
predictions about the future or the state of the world, or does it merely give
me the feeling of doing that while occupying space in my brain? [1]

Personally, this involved facing and digging into assumptions I had about the
world that were given to me before I had a chance to form my own judgement of
their validity. Beliefs about morality, societal expectations, and sexuality
were at the top of the list but I fixed plenty of my perceptions of economic
policies and government regulation. I will say this is an ongoing process, one
that I think will never actually end - but it's allowed me to become much more
sure of who I am and what I base my decisions on.

[0] -
[https://www.lesswrong.com/s/7gRSERQZbqTuLX5re](https://www.lesswrong.com/s/7gRSERQZbqTuLX5re)

[1] -
[https://www.lesswrong.com/s/7gRSERQZbqTuLX5re/p/a7n8GdKiAZRX...](https://www.lesswrong.com/s/7gRSERQZbqTuLX5re/p/a7n8GdKiAZRX86T5A)

------
git-pull
In the last 12 months, I begun understanding:

\- what attachment theory was, as a tool/framework analyze myself, others, and
the world around me

\- about western philosophy (Plato, Socrates, Marcus Aurelius)

\- about eastern Europe or it's history (e.g. Alexander the Great, Siege of
Constantinople, the Crusades, Subutai)

\- TypeScript

\- how to say hi in Polish or Ukrainian

\- how powerful desktop PC's are compared to laptops, esp. at compilation
(that includes webpack)

~~~
hazz99
Can you share your learnings / point me in the right direction for learning
about attachment theory? That sounds really interesting!

> TypeScript

I can relate! Made development so much nicer for me.

~~~
jaminal
[https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/19/smarter-
living/attachment...](https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/19/smarter-
living/attachment-styles-work-life-balance.html)

------
gocartStatue
All companies look better from the outside.

------
MattLeBlanc001
1) Health start becoming your nr1 priority around the age 40.

I wish I exercised more, did more yearly blood tests checks and was more
considerate around my diet.

2) That one should be thankful for what they have

~~~
kirankn
Agree that your health becomes the highest priority as you realise that your
family depends on you.

------
Kluny
I quit the highest-paying job I've ever had to work for peanuts on a political
campaign. It didn't lead to the new job opportunities I was hoping for and the
job I got after the election does pay anywhere close to what the previous one
did, but I have no regrets. It was the coolest thing I've ever been part of,
and the new job, though less well paid, is more fun, more fulfilling and less
stressful.

~~~
Anti-fascist
Wow, cool wo/man!

------
tinytrader
1\. Bad situations will pass. 2\. Family will always be by your side. 3\.
Money does not equal happiness. 4\. Make decisions you're happy to live by.
5\. Don't take yourself too seriously.

------
kd5bjo
Moving to another country means life will be both completely different and
entirely the same at the same time.

~~~
partisan
No matter where you go, there you are.

------
InvaderFizz
Do you have lower back problems and digestive problems? They might be related,
even if you have a MRI showing degenerative disc disease.

Every time I "forget" that I'm lactose intolerant, I pay for it in the
bathroom and in my lower back for the next few days, even if I use lactase
enzyme pills.

Keep away from all lactose for a week? Back is generally fine.

~~~
aldoushuxley001
Have you tried overdosing on fermented foods?

I thought I was allergic to so many foods, but I guess my gut ecosystem was
just messed up. Eating loads of fermented foods everyday has allowed me to eat
all the foods I thought I was allergic to again.

Of course, varies per person, but it may help.

~~~
cableshaft
Which fermented foods do you overdose on when you go through this process?

~~~
aldoushuxley001
As many as I can, e.g. kimchi, sauerkraut, fermented beats, fermented carrots,
fermented sprouted mustard seeds (so good), fermented ginger, etc etc

There’s loads of ferments out there, just gotta find them and find ones you
like so you’ll sustainably keep eating them. Consistency is key I think.

I usually just cook a mix of brown rice and lentils to spread on a plate and
throw a bunch of these different fermented foods together on it, mix it all
together and it’s delicious and ideal gut food.

------
ozzmotik
maybe I was wrong about considering other avenues of seeking income. for the
longest time I mostly just focused on web dev, tech support, and just general
tech oriented stuff because that's where my aptitudes lie, and never
considered trying anything in the service industry for instance. however I
managed to acquire a job working as a busser at a restaurant, and for the
first time in my life, I felt like what I was doing at work actually mattered
and that I was actually part of a team that cared about my existence and
needed me there instead of just being another nameless face among droves of
others.

granted I just got fired yesterday because i guess i just wasn't good enough
at it and too slow. what a wonderful birthday present! but that transitions to
my next point: just because something happens that society would generally
deem as bad or undesirable, doesn't mean you have to get caught up in
depression or anxiety over it. what happens, happens. sure it sucks i lost my
job especially given my situation currently, but hey, I'm still alive and
still have the chance to find something else. the problem is never unsolvable
no matter how much your mind tries to tell you that it is. all that you need
to do is simply just choose to act. not doing so is what contributes to being
trapped in the depression and anxiety that have driven my life for longer than
I can remember.

------
astrodev
That despite being physically fit, at the very least decently looking, earning
well, having interesting interests (such as doing a cool PhD and being a
competitive dancer), despite having a decent social network and meeting lots
of women, I will likely die a loveless virgin.

It's unspeakably depressing.

~~~
futureastronaut
You're probably being too picky. There are lots of women who would practically
throw themselves at somebody like you describe, no matter how shy you are, if
you faintly returned their interest. We all have our standards, but it's a bit
disingenuous to claim that you're cursed to a lifetime of virginity.

~~~
astrodev
I may have some standards, but I have never had a chance to reject someone.
This is actually very puzzling to me - most guys seem to at least have the
option of meeting the extremely unattractive / obese women. I don't.

~~~
startup_sr
something doesn't add up. If you have any close friends or relatives, discuss
with them. They are very likely to point out that you are sorely lacking that
one piece of social skill. Once you improve that there will be no lack of
meeting and choosing right woman for you. Ps: From 40+ yr old married guy.

------
alimw
That awful people I'll never meet, in countries far from mine, can have a
negative impact on my mental health.

------
suchoudh
Last 12 months

1) Took a mini-retirement.

2) Spent a lot of time with my son (who is 12 now).Shared with him passion for
reading books. Knowing languages.

3) Found out that I am not as tough as I thought myself to be.

4) Learned to understand a lot of layers in the ongoing conversations.
(Earlier I only heard what was told on surface. I may be overdoing layers now)

5) I strongly believed that I will exercise once I have enough time on my
hand. Guess what? Even after having all the time in the world I wasted most of
it without working on reduing my weight. (obesity)

6) I wanted to taste the theory that you will not die of starvation (not in
todays world). This is true. Even if you do not earn money you still can
manage to have twice a day meal. (I am well educated MBA Engg et al)

7) When I saw the UNDP SDG Goals #1 Noone will be left behind. I constantly
wondered if the opposite can be the case. Now I think its the government which
is getting left behind. (They are so slow to adopt anything new)

8)I did a 1-year diploma in Disaster Management from Disaster management
Institute. (I was in Bhopal when the worst Industrial disaster took place of
Union Carbide). I learnt very little of value from classes but a lot more from
educational MOOC courses.

9) Social life goes for a topsy-turn when you do not have an answer to
question "What do you do for a living ?" I told them I just live, Most people
did not believe me.Eventually they started distancing from me and then I found
a totally new set of friends who lived nearby but had totally different value
system. ( I kept my living extremely frugal)

10) These days I work with young minds and try to ignite the spark of
innovation by telling them stories and work with them on the small time
projects.

~~~
technological
Wow that's a awesome. Thanks for sharing. Do you mind to be on a podcast to
discuss further?

------
thrifter
Charity never fails. If you resolve to love and accept people above all else,
then the rest will take care of itself.

This is not easy to do some days, but it _is_ failproof. Try it and see for
yourself.

For more information, research "charity, pure love of Christ" and Lojong,
which is Buddhist mind training for compassion. Effectiviology also has an
excellent article on how charity can be used in arguments:
[https://effectiviology.com/principle-of-
charity/](https://effectiviology.com/principle-of-charity/)

------
eldavido
In all honesty, when to keep my mouth shut. This is really hard for me. I
still see tons of bullshit, posturing, and nonsense, I'm just better at
censoring myself.

It's useful but surprisingly stress-inducing.

------
sergiotapia
It never hurts to ask, never say no yourself. Let other people do that for
you. Opens so many doors!

~~~
chauhankiran
I was in meet-up where one of attendee asked a question to speaker on how to
say no to customer when they have crazy requirements?

Speaker - There some times when you can't say no and in that situation you
have to choose different path. One of my customer asked me to create the
existing CRM like Google search page. It should show only one search box in
front and all search should work like Google. I said sure and here is the
budget for this change. After hearing the $$$ she just stop asking for!

------
mruts
I seem to be an alcoholic, I guess? I dunno, I now drink like maybe 80oz of
beer a night? Is this a problem? I'm not sure. I don't know if it's affecting
me in anyway (I'm primarily concerned about my brain). I never feel drunk, but
maybe that's also a problem?

I'm trying to reconcile with how I feel (only mildly buzzed at the end of the
night) with how much it sounds. Hell, in college, I would have considered that
a moderate amount/alot depending on the night.

Maybe other people have some similar (or different) experiences? I guess it's
not a problem if I don't think it's one (according to the DSM), but maybe it
will become a problem?

There's a lot of question marks in this post, because I'm unsure about how to
feel about my own alcohol consumption. But I wouldn't want someone who doesn't
have an alcohol tolerance to get the impression that I'm going crazy hard
every night.

Anyways, I just finished my 7th 16oz beer (man 112oz sure seems like a lot),
but I feel pretty normal... (a year ago I probably would have felt this way
after 3 beers)

Also I work super long hours (12+) per day, and used to have bigger problems.
Heroin, cocaine, etc...

I feel like I deserve alcohol as long as I don't touch the other stuff...?

~~~
FearNotDaniel
The best way to figure out if you are an alcoholic or not is to meet other
people who self-identify as alcoholics (or addicts more generally), and see if
their stories ring true with you. It's only a problem if it's a problem for
you - or for other people you care about, or for any individuals who end up
suffering as a result of your drinking.

I am in no position to tell you whether you have a problem or not, but I know
from experience (my own and others') that one of the reasons some people
continue drinking or using drugs to excess is to escape from reality, so they
can remain in denial about the mess they have caused in their own or other
people's lives. This might not be you. But also, it might be you.

Maybe go and check out a few meetings and see if you learn anything that helps
you to decide:

[https://www.aa.org/](https://www.aa.org/)

[https://www.na.org/meetingsearch/](https://www.na.org/meetingsearch/)

------
EllipticCurve
I learned, that working in a cutting edge field in a huge well known/respected
company (europe) is most of the time really not that exciting and the actual
work not that cutting edge.

My feeling is, that we were doing more complex problem solving at university
and my personal projects are much more challenging than most things we do at
work.

It's honestly quite a bit frustrating. And makes me want to build something up
myself. Problem is, I am just not an idea-person...

------
knightofmars
Sometimes, the grass really is greener on the other side.

------
Aaronstotle
Graduated from school last May, had a week before I started a full-time job
(did that for 2 months then landed where I am now). I learned it's difficult
to have a good social life when work + commute takes ~50 hours a week (and
that office politics isn't just a meme). Learned that I need to create my own
meaning in life, and that friends and family are more important than anything.

~~~
maDdj
If only there was a technology solution to eradicate this office politics?!

------
wincy
In the last year I've learned about the worth of a man, how big a burden a
family can bear, and the extraordinary lengths a mother will go to save her
dying child.

Last July, I was fired from my dev job. This was a shock to me as I had been
seen as a high performer at my last job. Well, my last job before my last job
at least. I was scared, confused, and really down on myself after this
happened. I'd quit the job before because it seemed like a toxic environment.
My wife was pregnant, I applied for unemployment which was embarrassing and
felt pretty bad. Honestly the place was pretty bad but I tried to hold on
because of my wife's pregnancy and I knew it would look bad to lose/quit two
jobs back to back like that. In retrospect I would just leave randomly at 3pm,
"work from home" (take naps), and was overall a pretty terrible worker during
my tenure there. After losing that job, I didn't just "bounce back". I got
depressed. I thought about what was different compared to my jobs before, and
came to the obvious conclusion it's the adderall, stupid. Taking adderall
turns me into a super performer. It makes me really, really good. It also
makes me feel like I'm "broken" in some way that has to be fixed by a drug.
I'm simply not a great developer and can't achieve the intellectual goals I
have for myself without taking it paired with a mild anti-anxiety medication.
Eventually I decided to start taking it again after a year and a half without
it. I just got my performance review at work and got glowing praise from my
manager. It makes me feel good. It makes me get rewarded financially. It's
also interesting because there's two groups of developers that have very, very
different opinions about who I am and what I'm like to work with. The first
class has worked with me drug-free. These people don't much care for me. I'm
forgetful, get distracted easily, will constantly be away from my desk walking
around, if I'm even in the office. The other group have worked with me and see
me as someone who can solve any problem they throw at me. I'm getting the
reputation as the one to give complex and difficult problems to. People think
that other people are immutable and can't change, too. Both groups have fixed
about me. If I stopped adderall tomorrow my coworkers give me the benefit of
the doubt, feel that if I'm stuck on a problem for a long time it must be
because it's complicated, not because I'm astutely avoiding solving the
problem. The other group just thought I was a total loser. I hated it, because
they were right. I know what I'm worth, and what makes me worth that. It's not
all me.

Last October, bleary-eyed and exhausted at five in the morning, my wife gave
birth to a beautiful baby girl via c-section. The labor had not gone well. Her
water had broke and there was meconium (baby feces) in the water, which is a
sign that the baby is in distress. We rushed to the hospital and my wife
labored for eighteen hours, screaming "just cut her out of me, something is
WRONG!!!". The doctor ignored her and encouraged her to keep pushing. Finally,
he relented and a Cesarean section was performed. The nurses took her away.
Someone told us "Your daughter has myelomeningocele. Listen to me. Don't
Google it. Just get some sleep.". So I did. I remember waking up to the
children's hospital ambulance crew asking my wife to sign the documents to
transport Lucy to the hospital. She had been born on the same day as her
namesake, her great-great-grandmother. We didn't have Thanksgiving last year.
We didn't have Christmas last year. There was only the endless march of days
at the hospital. I accepted my new job the day my wife went into labor. I just
had to deal with it. What else could I do? Throwing myself into the work
certainly helped me forget that my daughter might never walk, that she
probably won't be able to control her bowels, that she'll need to catheter
herself whens she's older to prevent her kidneys giving out. At a happy hour,
I mentioned to some coworkers about her condition. A gray-beard developer took
me into a back room and got really serious. For a second I thought he was
going to fire me, honestly. He said "I want you to know I have spina bifida.
Everything is going to be okay." That's one of the nicest things anyone has
ever said to me.

In January, they told us Lucy was going to die. There's a malformation of her
brain stem, the part that controls unconscious breathing. When she got upset,
she held her breath. It's a horrific thing to see, your child turn blue. Then
they turn white. She looks dead. As a gentle snow fell outside, my wife
performed CPR on our four month old while I frantically called 911 from my
wife's phone because mine had just died. I'm a dumbass. Our four year old is
twirling in circles as the paramedics arrive. She asks the cop if he can open
her milk, she's thirsty. Lucy had started breathing again. We told the
paramedics the doctors had said this might happen, but that we should call the
paramedics "just in case she doesn't recover on her own". The paramedic looks
at me and asks "what's her prognosis"? I didn't really understand, but she was
asking "is your child going to die?". They took her and my wife away to the
hospital. The doctors read some research and told my wife that the majority of
kids with this complication, called PEAC, die. They don't ever "get over it",
even kids as old as 12 have died. We ask if there's anything we can do. The
doctors shrug and the palliative care psychologist wants to talk to us. My
wife spends the next few days glued to the computer. She asked the doctor for
the print outs of the medical research he's referencing. She finds more. She
finds a doctor at the Mayo clinic who had done some research prescribing a
specific anti-anxiety medicine and found that the mortality of these children
had gone to zero. Admittedly it was a small sample size but initially the
doctor brushed off the suggestion of the medicine. My wife wrote a long email
with citations describing Lucy's symptoms, and the treatments outlined in the
medical literature. She emailed it to the hospital's social worker since you
can't communicate directly with the doctors. The next day the doctors had the
bright idea of prescribing the anti-anxiety medication. Lucy's breath holding
spells stopped. There's a surgery that's also suggested in the literature. My
wife asks for that. The head of neurosurgery says he won't do it. We call a
doctor who is an expert in her condition and he says she should get the
surgery. We say we want to transfer to that hospital, hundreds of miles away.
Once he hears that, the head of neurosurgery says he'll do it. My wife sighs
in both exasperation and relief. The doctors have fought us every step of the
way.

Lucy came home two weeks ago. She's actually a pretty normal baby. Cognitively
she's right on track, even though she doesn't wiggle her toes. We're provided
with a night nurse twelve hours a day because her breathing can be irregular
sometime. But her breath holding spells, the thing that was most likely to
kill her, have completely stopped. Things are starting to feel normal, the
nurses are kind to us and to our daughter. My wife seems to be relaxing for
the first time in eight months. It looks like she has a future. Life is no
longer paused until further notice.

I've learned I'm worthwhile. I'm more worthwhile if I take stimulant drugs.
I've learned that a family can endure far more than you might think it can.
I've learned that my wife will move mountains if she has to for our kids.

~~~
james_s_tayler
>Our four year old is twirling in circles as the paramedics arrive. She asks
the cop if he can open her milk, she's thirsty

I teared up at this point. I've got a 4 year old and that is the exact kind of
thing they do. Just kids being kids don't realize how even the most mundane,
simple, innocent of their behaviors can be stress inducing at the easiest of
times. Then they do the same things they always do but this time all hell is
breaking loose and you're like "please, just don't".

------
trykondev
1\. Working 100% remotely has led to a massive increase in my quality of life.

2\. Make the time for exercise, no matter what.

------
dadahackernews
I learned that we change, prevails the life we were a minute ago. Minute by
minute, we progress a whit farther with each cycle. Considering the assets of
one's beginning are irrelevant; how and what one does with the aptitudes of
life are what ascertain who you are. I learned that it's okay not to know what
you are doing with your life. It's a misprint to select your paths based on
the sins you bear. Seriously. Whatsoever happens, happens man. I'll add this
too, heard this from somewhere, but couldn't recall precisely where 'The fake
is of far ample worth. In its ruminate efforts to be real, it's more real,
more than the real thing. Let's just say I become totally WOKE and sympathize
with that from the experiences of the past 12 months.

------
n8henry
Never take your health for granted. Be grateful for every day that you have.

------
JimBrimble35
Patience isn't about waiting for something to take a little bit of extra time.
It's about working on something and being willing to wait for _years_ if
necessary to see it happen. To know that what your waiting for is out there on
the horizon, is visible to you at all times, yet there is no way of speeding
up your journey toward it. Ultimately, it's about how we live in the space
between the moments we anticipate.

It's been a very frustrating, but important 12 months.

------
tmaly
The amount of effort to raise 2 kids verse 1 kid is not linear.

Curse of knowledge is real when it comes to teaching younger kids. Pace
yourself and learn to simplify you explanations with good stories.

Breathing and mindfulness are very simple but helpful concepts. Stay present.

You have to keep reminding yourself of the most important things and you have
to make a concerted effort to work towards those bigger goals.

Time keeps passing at a faster rate, this is mainly a function of how much
responsibility you take on.

------
tmilard
I learnt something most youg developers all ready know. When having a program
in Java and want to feed gui in Web, Spring Boot api is so simple, fast and
nice to use.

------
lazyjones
It's always too late (and harder as you get older) to work towards current
needs, so plan ahead and work for things you expect to want/need in 5 years.

------
Mordreas
Only apply design patterns when they are solving a problem

------
baud147258
The past few months have taught me that I suck at my job. But I've gotten
better at bullshitting my way out of a tight spot.

Also learned that running can feel good.

~~~
Kimitri
That final sentence caught my attention. I tried to make a daily habit of
jogging. I really tried. I held on to the habit for more than two years before
finally giving up. It just never started to feel good. Not a moment of it. Got
any good advice on how to make running feel good?

~~~
baud147258
Well, I didn't even tried to do a daily jog, closer to a weekly one. I had to
prepare for a short (5 km) foot race, with some elevation (200 m) with my
uncle, which I was doing mostly on a dare, when I hadn't run in a few years.
I've never done a lot of sport either (a little bike riding and rock climbing,
currently).

So started doing some weekly job on a short distances (4-7 km) on a nice run
(île au cygnes + banks of the Seine) and it just felt good, whereas the last
times I felt pretty terrible. Perhaps because those times I didn't push myself
too hard or unlike the previous times, stretched afterward. I don't know.

And I finished just behind my uncle, less than a minute after him, I was a
little disappointed, but still happy to have made a good time (~ 30 min, if I
remember right).

------
sevilo
1\. You don’t have to be some programming celebrity to be qualified to speak
at conferences

2\. If you have the intention, you can achieve what you want

3\. Don’t skip steps in business

------
8bitsrule
1) Either life in the modern world has become more and more unpredictable,
and/or it was always less predictable than I used to be aware of.

2) The trouble with 'living in the now' is that eventually tomorrow will
become now. Sufficient preparation for -that- now is not a strong suit for
many of us. Consequently, humanity has built an existential debt which mere
bankruptcy cannot erase. GOTO 1).

------
rewgs
Few things are as important as consistently getting quality sleep. Not doing
so slowly, slowly ruins your life. So slowly that you’ll think it’s other
things, or that the side effects of your sleep deprivation are the causes
themselves.

Don’t trade sleep for anything. Just don’t.

------
tempsy
Coming into a significant amount of "paper" money didn't really make me any
happier.

~~~
Noumenon72
You kind of have to practice gratitude.

"I'm glad I didn't have any trouble paying the security deposit so I could
move." "Good thing I can afford this dental care I need." "Isn't it nice that
someone will just tow my car for me? When you have the money it's very
convenient."

------
wnkrshm
That I need help and need to seek treatment for adult ADHD. I know all of my
tasks and my deadlines, they're on paper but avoidance always makes me do
things on the last day.

------
BigHatLogan
The main thing I learned is that there's no such thing as a perfect day. If
you sit around and wait for it to come, you'll be waiting until they haul your
corpse away. The truth is that things always come up, especially as you get
older. You have to plan around uncertain events instead of planning for your
day to go a certain way.

Over the past few months both of my parents have been in and out of the
hospital repeatedly. I live closeby, so I've been taking a lot of days off
work or working remotely to help them get to and from the hospital, and then
to help them get situated afterwards. I had to carry my mother up the stairs
in her home a few weeks ago because her knees are giving out. I didn't think I
would have to do something like that at this age--I'm in my late 20's--but, as
the phrase goes, "shit happens."

The reason I brought that up is because I've also been thinking about making a
job change to a different company. It'll probably require a few weeks of
preparation, and then another few weeks to interview with various companies.
I'm also a little scared about the whole situation because I'm woefully
underprepared, so I don't know how I'll perform.

So I keep telling myself, "tomorrow, when I'm fresh in the morning, I'll come
up with a study guide!" Then something comes up, and "tomorrow" becomes "this
weekend." Then something else comes up, and "this weekend" becomes "next
week." The something's aren't always bad things--I've been attending a lot of
weddings recently, and also some of my friends and family are having kids, so
it's been an overall positive thing--but distractions are still distractions,
and I haven't been able to plan out any of those.

So I think what I have to do is just carve out time when and where I can. I
might not get the six hours of uninterrupted study that I could get when I was
19, but I could certainly have done a far better job of studying than I
actually did.

I have some more thoughts on all of this, but I really liked this question
because it made me think about how these past few months really went.

EDIT:

I just wanted to edit this post and say that there are some outstanding
responses in this thread. I'm never less than amazed at how reflective and
thoughtful people can be. There's probably enough life advice and experience
in this thread to fill a few books.

I have this habit of checking how "great" people have responded to certain
situations, but now I'm realizing that "ordinary" people (whatever that means)
might have just as thoughtful, reflective, and wise approaches to things.
Instead of looking up the 18th article of how entrepreneurs respond to stress,
I could probably sit down with my grandmother and ask her what it was like
moving to a foreign country by herself where she didn't know a single person
or speak the native tongue.

I'm rambling now, but I just wanted to say that the advice in here is pretty
spectacular. I usually regret the time I spend on Reddit and YouTube, but I
seldom regret the time I spend on HN (unless I find myself in a political
thread).

~~~
cableshaft
This is basically describing exactly how I've been stuck at my current job
that I hate for the past year, although instead of 'attending a lot of
weddings' it's 'planning our wedding'. Something is always coming up, and I
keep putting off doing what I need to do to prepare for and land that next
job, especially with the insane technical quiz hurdles thrown up at pretty
much every job interview nowadays.

At this point we're less than two months away from our wedding now, so I'm
pretty much just saying "let's get past the wedding and then I can get the
hell out of here". But that's still putting it off.

~~~
BigHatLogan
First, congratulations on the wedding!

Yeah, exactly--you nailed it. The mind is incredibly capable of coming up with
excuses to put things off. If you don't plan things out and come up with a
schedule, then you'll inevitably find that the time has more or less slipped
out of your grasp.

Today, it's, "I'll wait for the wedding."

Tomorrow, it's, "We just got married! I want to spend some time settling
down!"

And so on and so forth.

Best of luck to us both.

~~~
cableshaft
I wish I had that 'spend some time settling down' excuse. We've been living
together for over two years now, and we bought a house together a year ago.

It'll probably be something else, though, like "I need to get caught up with
everything around the house we've been neglecting for months" or something.

------
cwbrandsma
That it is good to go back and review the basics of programming, like SOLID,
from time to time -- and not to get too caught up in it.

Also: tribalism rules the day in politics.

------
wolco
Finding remote work is nothing like finding a local job

------
oyebenny
Not to trust business partners that are eager to invest in you but not follow
your instructions.

------
raghavkukreti
I've failed, I'm not as smart as I think and in the end, I know I'm useless.

~~~
truth_be_told
Without giving you simple platitudes, here is some advice;

First read and keep a copy of Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" always at hand -
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If%E2%80%94](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If%E2%80%94)

Root Advice: Do not compare yourself to others constantly. This is the root of
all evil. You should only focus on bettering your "present/future" self over
your "past" self.

>I've failed,

If you have failed in some, you have succeeded in others. "Failure" is
relative. Maybe you have had some major failures but that is no excuse to lose
heart. You still have to soldier on and live the rest of your life without
allowing a single event to define the future. If you live it positively you
will make yourself lots more opportunities and make up for any past failures.

>I'm not as smart as I think

Actually, you are on a multi-dimensional "Smartness" scale where there is
always some people much smarter and some people less smarter than you on any
given dimension. You have to focus on your strengths i.e. where you are more
towards the positive end of the scale and not obsess on the negative
dimensions.

>I know I'm useless

Hey, HEy, HEY! DO NOT GO DOWN THIS LINE OF THINKING! SNAP OUT OF IT!

Unless and until you are biologically impaired, nobody is ever useless. They
always can define a position for themselves in Society. Do not allow Society
to define it for you but define it yourself to find some meaning for your
life. That is enough.

PS: The ancient Hindu Text "Yoga Vasistha" opens with a strong emphasis on
"Self-Effort" which is worth keeping in mind. Note that you don't have to
believe in God/Religion/etc. to get the positive message. Here it is with some
slight edits;

 _Sage Vasistha says: In this world whatever is gained is gained by self
effort; where failure is encountered it is seen that there has been slackness
of effort. This is obvious; but what is called fate is fictitious and is not
seen.

Self-effort, Rama, is that mental, verbal and physical action ...

... When there is obstruction in the fruition of self-effort one should
examine to see if there is [wrong] action, and if there is, it should be
immediately corrected. There is no power greater than right action in the
present. Hence, one should take recourse to self-effort, grinding one’s teeth,
and one should overcome ... fate by present effort.

The lazy man is worse than a donkey. One should never yield to laziness ...
seeing that life is ebbing away every moment.

One who says “Fate is directing me to do this” is brainless and the goddess of
fortune abandons him. Hence by self-effort acquire ... and know that this
self-effort leads to [results].

If this dreadful source of evil named laziness is not found on earth, who will
ever be illiterate and poor? It is because of laziness that people live the
life of animals, miserable and poverty stricken.

As is the effort so is the fruit, O Rama: this is the meaning of self-effort,
and it is also known as fate (divine). When afflicted by suffering people cry
“Alas, what tragedy” or “Alas, look at my fate”, both of which mean the same
thing. What is called fate or divine will is nothing other than the action of
the past. The present is infinitely more potent than the past. They indeed are
fools who are satisfied with the fruits of their past effort (which they
regard as divine will) and do not engage themselves in self-effort now.

If you see the present self-effort is sometimes thwarted by fate (or divine
will), you should understand that the present self-effort is weak. A weak and
dull-witted man sees the hand of providence when he is confronted by a strong
and powerful adversary and succumbs to him.

Self effort is based on these three – knowledge ..., instructions ... and
one’s own effort. Fate (or divine dispensation) does not enter here.

Fate or divine dispensation is merely a convention which has come to be
regarded as truth by being repeatedly declared to be true. If this god or fate
is truly the ordainer of everything in this world, of what meaning is any
action at all?_

~~~
raghavkukreti
Thank you all so much for your wonderful replies. I have been struggling with
Uni, work, my family, friends, everything. It takes a lot to get over and fix
my mistakes

------
Rainymood
\- Man is a social animal

\- Don't make me think

\- You can bear anything for 10 seconds

\- Everything can be modeled as a system

------
ryanmercer
Not taught:

\- Just a reminder I could die one second from now. Tuesday a friend of 21
years, had his heart stop. CPR was performed all the way to the hospital where
they found a blockage that they cleared, however his brain had been without
oxygen for quite some time and there was no brain activity. 72 hour protocol
was started (arctic sun) but he died Wednesday evening leaving his girl, 1 kid
and 4 step kids.

Taught:

\- The general population is extremely ignorant to climate change and the
rather serious consequences it brings. I've had many people tell me it's fake,
it's just something politicians use in debates, it's a conspiracy, that we
aren't experiencing global warming but in fact are headed for a mini ice age,
that they don't care because they can't stop it so they're going to keep on
living their life how they want, etc.

\- That without a college degree, you are effectively a second class citizen
in the workplace. I've had company after company reject me in the past 18
months for not having a degree, including one company doing the exact same job
I do now that wouldn't even interview me citing "we require a BA/BS degree as
well as previous experience" while at the time I had 12 years of experience
and their company was 5-6 years old... my own employer does not promote
without a degree, they will flat out tell you to get at a minimum a BA/BS and
then preferably immediately start an Masters. Oh if I could go back 16 years
and tell myself to get a degree.

\- I've learned that tech is largely elitist. Founders only want to deal with
other founders once they've had a taste of mild success. Those in power can be
college dropouts but they require BA/BS at a minimum for entry-level, non-
technical, roles in their companies. They will tell you things like "the best
way to stand out is to complete a major project or produce an important
result" for entry-level work in their form rejection email.

\- I've learned that most of the current people at the helm will admit they
were extremely lucky to have a mentor, that helped them without hesitation,
when they had no experience or accomplishments behind their belt and were
effectively still naive children, but they will only help those people that
are well qualified on paper and stand a good chance of making them bank. They
would rather bet on a likely win by throwing _investment money for a cut_ at
someone and introductions instead of helping someone by actually giving them
work, creating something in their empire that the person can prove themselves
on, and then give them more responsibility, and more, to let them learn by
doing and building a reputation. Instead it is "come to me when you have a
sure-fire idea, I'll buy a ridiculous amount of your company for a small sum,
and you can make a little while I do little and get richer".

\- That Silicon Valley is comical. I'd always pictured it as these brilliant
people doing neat stuff, making breakthroughs and driving future technology.
Last year I had a lot of introductions made and had the opportunity to talk to
a lot of people in the Bay Area that I never would have without the
introductions, being a non-STEM, no-degree, no billion dollar idea guy in
Indianapolis. While some of these people were truly brilliant, I realized
nearly all of them are extremely myopic on one thing that interests them, they
mostly don't care about anything else and they will pursue their idea at all
costs even when it's something ridiculous or so fantastically unlikely to ever
pan out. You'll ask for an introduction "I'd love to help, but I'm really
busy" you'll ask if they need a janitor so you can get your foot in the door
somewhere to try and build out your CV because you lack a degree "I'd love to
help, but I'm really busy", they're friends with umpteen Giving Pledge members
and you ask if they could introduce you to someone at one of the dozen
philanthropic entities because you'd just like to ask them some questions and
see what drives the organization and what they are doing so you can have
insight to a different world "I'd love to help, but I'm really busy" you look
at their project as an outsider, with an entirely different set of world
experiences, and point out that only their friends know what a continuum
transfunctioner is and that 99% of people don't and maybe it would benefit
them to bring a few popular science YouTube influencers around and show them
some of the public stuff on tape and "I'd love to do that but first I want to
get this continuum transfunctioner fully operational even though experts in
the field think it may never work, so maybe in 4-5 years when I'm not busy I
can have the team think about actually explaining what we are doing to
99.9999999% of the world".

~~~
gregn
Am in the same boat. Have 15 years programming experience, and can literally
code circles around many or most of the people I am interviewing with, but
because I don't have a degree, or interview poorly, I am getting rejection
after rejection. It's funny. I always think about the Frank Zappa sketch:
"What's in a diploma? A: Absolutely nothing." It's a piece of paper, but I
guess it is a symbol of your subservience to a system, which in kind shows you
are good at deferring to authority or something. If I were hiring, I would
explicitly go after non-degreed programmers who show they can code. Dogmatic
college kids often write terrible code, but they proceed with unchecked hubris
because everyone tells them they're great, even though they never paid any
dues or done real systems programming.

~~~
ryanmercer
When talking to me someone once referred to a degree as a "de facto dues card"
and, that's basically what they are in many cases. Sure you need an education
to be a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer, things that require licensing but come
on, my employer doesn't care what your 4-year is in...it could be in Late 15th
century Peruvian funerary basket weaving... and that's fine with them, they
just want that accredited degree.

With companies that have rejected me for not having one the past 18 months,
I've found that (via LinkedIn) a notable percentage of their employees have
random liberal arts degrees and then 2 years out of college they are on their
3rd-5th job upgrading their title at each stop...

Hi, hello, I've been at my job 13 years. I'm in it for the long haul if you
pay me well, I only want to leave my current employer because after 13 years
on the job I make a whopping 34k a year in a state where the hourdly median
wage was 16.25 in 2016 which is within 500 dollars of what I make (a bit less
I think). When people were making a big fuss to raise minimum wage to 15$ a
year or three ago, I was like "no, that's what I make after 10-12 years on the
job and I know my employer won't increase my pay!"

------
bigred100
St Thomas Aquinas is a genius of humanity

------
logari
A good question! Although I wonder why the timeline is set at 12 months....

This is what I learned:

1- amateurs try to hard sell and persuade with much energy. That is how you
know they are amateurs. They make up for competence by inflating their
confidence.

2- true experts are those who can explain things patiently and completely (and
sometimes enigmatically and paradoxically so that it makes sense on a lower
level that we understand even though its seems like there is more to it than
our understanding allows) and dont feel threatened by your learning them, too.
All the rest "experts" are bozos.

3- I learned that the limit of my achievement is the limit of what I don't
know that I don't know. Which in turn can be expanded by directionless search
in random directions, kinda like how probabilistic methods solve deterministic
equations in higher math.

4- I learned that the ancient saying "women lack reasoning" is false, because
women have a different kind of reasoning machinery. And it works on a
different wavelength than is normally assumed. It is not important to know
exactly what wavelength a woman's reasoning systems operate (you won't ever
find out) but you gain some advantage knowing that it is DIFFERENT and always
CHANGING.

5- Body language is approximately 10 times more powerful than verbal
communication. It includes tone of voice, the way your eyes look on to the
world, silence, and even how you socialize. It is the ultimate tool to prevent
people from getting fresh with you. Ignore the nasty ones, and it hurts them
way more than engaging them.

6- I learned that small differences (and issues and squabbles) dont smoothen
out with time. They become bigger and worse. Prevention is 100 times more
effective than cure.

7- I learned that the most intelligent and wisest writer born in UK is Robert
Burton, not the moronic Shakespeare.

8- I found out that all the smart cats (and some wannabes like me) hang out on
news.ycombinator.

9- I learned that deadlines are necessary but they should be quantity-based,
not temporal. "I have to finish reading two chapters today" sounds like an
ideal deadline than, saying "I must finish this book in 2 months".

10- I learned the best way to learn something is by reading books, not
watching lectures or videos. They put me to sleep, videos do.

11- I finally managed to create a site such that the buttons turn on like a
light bulb. Www.jans.surge.sh

12- I realized that optimism wins even when failure is guaranteed. Better to
lose a game you enjoyed than to win one you didn't.

I could go on. I will stop because I have more things to learn!

:)

------
bobbydreamer
1\. Worked on a idea it's sort personal project. Stack is Google
cloud(Firebase RTDB & hosting, cloud functions, Storage, app engine, crowns,
pubsub), JS, NodeJS, CSS, mySQL, Java. My day job is Db2 DBA z/OS Mainframe,
so cloud is but new to me. I would say i good when compared to others on what
I did. Focus was the key here, day job 8-5 all be at home 6:30 & start my
programming or learning from 7 till midnight 1 or 2. This I did continuously
for over a year. Before that I used to have normal life like gym or
running(used to be a half marathon runner), I stopped everything to focus on
the idea. To help me focus, I had to stop certain things like exercise as it
takes time but I walked weekly two times for 1hr, Watching movies or TV
series, getting into heated arguments with people as it takes my focus off
Ruins ideas I was working on and giving unnecessary thoughts, stopped seeing
people faces sometimes like walking mostly look at the ground. I decided to
have two notebooks one for office and one for my project all the ideas I get I
dump into these to notebooks and work on them. I like my current work as
salary is ok but what's awesome is work-life balance due to that I can work on
my personal project. Almost completed 80% of the project now only thing
remaining shifting the batch workload from my system to Compute engine.

2\. In the meantime, everybody around me is finishing cloud certs mostly
AWS/Azure and me who is talking about cloud has no certs but working in them.
It's sort makes me look like a guy who talks but nothing to show. So when I
was confident that ok only thing remaining in my PP is shifting to compute
engine. I started to prepare for Google cloud associate data Engineer
certification from March 2019 and took the exam two weeks back and got
certified. Yeah, I am the only Google certified person in my building there's
a lot of Azure and aws. This certification wasn't an easy one, I had to study
lots of products which I wasn't using, what good about it was, each time I
study, I was thinking how I could this for my project. So definitely bigquery
& cloudSQL I will have to check it out on migrating data from local to cloud.
QWIKLABS is sort of must to get hands on GCP. Take sample tests from Google
cert site itself it's free mostly you get the same questions if you take
multiple times but gives you an idea of what will come in the exam.

3\. Being a workaholic, I had lost focus on my personal life. Single and 33,
soon 34. There is this girl who has been working in team next to me for over
two years, if I had kept my head up and looked at people or tried to hear
their conversations or discussions happening next to me. I could have seen
this girl, but me nooo focus on the work & Personal projects. Just about time
I took a break PP and started to focus on cert exam, this girl caught my eye
and I was staring at her for almost a month. I had to stop it as I thought it
was rude to stare. So I approached and told her that 'i like her' in May. Now
July, I sort of have an idea she likes me but she didn't tell so far. No idea
what's going to happen as well. So I am currently working on this project.

4\. I am more of a dreamer. The guy who is 80% of the time caught up in the
head or lives there. So I had to bring myself to focus on things before me,
reality. So started to listening to Ted talks on mindfulness, imapct theory,
Power of Now(audible), Dandapani, Earl nightingale. And in a video I was
hearing about this smart drug that top University students were taking to
improve their intelligence. I was a bit curious is it something like
limitless. Adderall is banned in my country but modafinil was available. Tried
one tablet, 4th hour heart beat increases a bit which sort of makes you to
focus on what before you and you will be in that mode for 3-4hours. Side-
effects if you are diabetes you are fucked. In accucheck I get normally 130
after this it was 230. Now started dieting & started walking to get it lower a
week after now I am at 185. Curiosity has its price. I am going to throw away
the remaining tablets. I am going to revisit power of now first 5 chapters,
that's the phase I am in.

So at the moment focus will be in that GIRL, focusing on what's before
me(being present), Db2(work), GCP(bigquery, kubernetes, compute engine,
cloudSQL), possibly check if there is good paying job in GCP with work life
balance, gradually start exercising again as I have lost all muscle and weight
in last two years.

------
Anti-fascist
I learnt that my family de-classed the last couple of years and that now
everyone is scarred by unemployment. I am scarred too, and it's just sad to
watch as time goes bye. Optimism helps to stay afloat, psychologically, but
this kind of optimism can only take me that far. All the ways I could have
ever been are far beyond reach like stars, and if I stare enough I only get
watery eyes. Precious future memories. Very precious.

I learnt that my location in the world as an individual determines my life
chances. Some places just have too much bad stuff: too much religion, too much
sexism, too much unemployment, too much propaganda, too much ignorance, too
much loneliness. There's laughter about all this in society, but I used to
laugh about intelligent things and it feels sad to know I haven't had that
laughter in a long time. All laughter is cynical, impractical, and at times
even manipulated by the gov. Laughter is not laughter. But it makes me smile
to at least remember how it used to feel. Very precious.

I learnt that South-North divide is all about borders. Logic dictates (at
least according to neoclassical economics) that if people freely flow around
the world then the unequal global parts, like connected vessels, will adjust.
North countries building more borders is one major way the world keeps going
poorer, not to say that inequalities within North countries are decreasing;
inequalities everywhere are rising.

I learnt that academia is just another throat-cutting business. If your
projects do not sync with the trend, nobody will fund them. I also learnt that
most universities in Europe are opaque: you're most likely to never know why
you are rejected. In Oslo, though, there's a law that obliges the university
to share with you the feedback of the selection committee. You learn and get
better from transparency. From opaqueness you learn not to learn, and may even
get a bit paranoid or demotivated if you're "not that strong" (probably
meaning you haven't read enough good novels, and if you have maybe you haven’t
taken them deeply; in the latter case, maybe find something you like and care
about? There are novels about everything).

I learnt that being on my own is always better as I get half-Oblomovian and
half-creative. But most of the time poverty makes me share things—space and
time— with people of all sorts and I find myself driven in all directions and
businesses. All lives will know this in time, when AI (if you believe so) will
take over most jobs. A room of one's own and some money, the right to housing
plus a universal basic income, is what should... yeah.

I learnt that Moroccan politics is inexistent and I avoid it like the plague
(how can journalists interview the king if as a matter of protocol they have
to kiss his hands or shoulders before asking a question? Who can question
these people? The king is so many people, of course.) but if Trump is to be
re-elected it'll scar me forever. I'm not an American citizen, but we all know
the US elections spill over borders like nothing. I’m literally asking my
American friends to vote for a democrat like Warren or Bernie or Cortez or
whomever they like. Nothing less than fascism is on the rise and we all have
to mobilise for these eletions, even if we’re not US citizens.

I learnt that my relationship with my gf can survive everything. She's doing
better financially and sometimes for a split second I think that she should be
with someone her equal financially. But these ideas never get hold of me. I
was in a better position so love never came, or came dramatically (useless).
Now that I am unemployed for a year, “love” (for lack of a better word, but
undramatic and with good communication and good sex and good humanity) is
around—and it helps. I won't let it go just because she spends more. She will
have my money if I get a proper job. Or we can live on so little. Consuming
much, after all, is a sing of carelessness towards the climate crisis. If she
ever decides to leave, that will be totally fine. In the end we all end up
with the people we end up with. But for now she’s in and that’s sweet, and
even when problematic it’s problematically sweet.

I learnt not to buy any new clothes/equipment/perfumes (I learnt that my sweat
is better than Coco Chanel, the perfume) etc. I strictly buy second-hand
stuff, trunks included. Probably not many people think about this, but poor
people should be proud. We don't get to kill as much life as the better
off—the West evidently— has been doing for the last couple centuries. But
today's world is stuck in consumerism and is old-fashioned; status, be it
symbolic or social, is exclusively distributed according to material criteria,
instagramability and the likes. In fact, fashionable people are more like the
jailbreak/rooting/open-sourcing developers, the voluntary human extinction
movement, or followers of the philosophy "make kin, not babies," or so I
think. I am fashionably stingy, although poverty is a disgrace.

I learnt that some friendships reach their expiry time; instead of
artificially prolonging them in order to keep the stock of social capital
intact, it's best to burn the bridge. Maintaining social capital long after
the emotions are gone is a business approach to friendship. I'm not gonna sell
the rest of my soul to capitalism. But speaking up is unnecessary. Our friends
understand us. And, maybe there’ll be new encounters and new bridges to build,
or not. Language is overrated and underrated at the same time. As I grow, I
try to understand it and use it just as necessary.

I learnt that friends are the only practical capital I have left. Family and
nation rest in peace in this regard.

I learnt that swimming is the balm of my life. I like to swim in a swimming
pool-like beach, and without people I know around. Incognito is such an
experience. It’s a new feeling or experience. I feel even my best of friends
can encroach if they go with me. I don’t even use my smartphone there. I
literally connect with the things—I sync and only the fish know it.

