
Ask HN: How to overcome the compulsion to comment? - medienjunkie
I know it is useless (xkcd 386 says it all), but I can&#x27;t seem to stop. Some topics just push my buttons and I have to dive into a useless discussion. Reading news is often a waste of time, but commenting makes it a huge waste of time.<p>I have cut out some push channels (like Facebook and Twitter), but I find difficult to block HN because it is my only news source.<p>I have already tried blocking my HN account and it worked for a while, but eventually I relapsed and started discussing again with a new account.
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dang
I have had to work on this, because what used to be a personal problem is now
an occupational hazard. Here is what I've found. The compulsion to comment is
trying to get rid of a feeling of irritation. That doesn't work, because the
other side—which is probably just as irritated as you are—pushes back harder,
irritating you more.

You can interrupt this compulsion simply by feeling the irritation without
trying to get rid of it or channel it into something else, such as a proof of
rightness. The more aware you are of how it's agitating you, the less likely
you are to lash out.

It might seem like being _more_ aware of something _un_ comfortable can't
help, but in pratice it does. It gives space and time for the irritation to
subside, and lessens the habit for next time.

This has given me a new perspective on tolerance. Tolerance is closer than we
realize to the physical sense of "to tolerate", i.e. to bear a pain or stress
internally without snapping. This capacity increases with practice. The best
thing for tolerance is to experience the irritation, that buttons-being-pushed
feeling, as a physical sensation and not an intellectual reaction. That
somehow metabolizes it.

~~~
ironic_ali
Well said.

After 20 years on the internet, the phrase, 'if you're angry, you've already
lost' has stood me in good stead (after lots of practice...)

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brd
Perhaps you should try viewing comments in light of how it impacts the
community at large? I think its good practice to avoid adding noise to a HN
discussion.

This leads me to comment very infrequently. If my thoughts were already
stated, I stay quiet. If a long discussion has already taken place and its
unlikely my comments will be read, I stay quiet. If I post and it gets drowned
out by similar comments before receiving any responses, I delete it.

My one and only goal when posting on HN is to add value. If I can't be sure
I'm doing that, I don't comment at all. If nothing else, it seems like the
polite thing to do.

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CodeDiver
Giving yourself permission to be impulsive is a habit. Self-control is also a
habit.

Intellectually, you already know these internet discussions don't matter to
your life. The other advice in this thread about thinking more reasonably
isn't gonna help much--you're already reasonable. The problem is that your
impulsivity is a habit you've built up by repetition. Habits can override
reason, if you're not attentive.

So pay attention to your habits. Frame your problem as a bad habit, so you can
treat the habit. Define the good habit you'd like to live by. Work up the
initial determination to break your bad habit. Then arrange the next couple
weeks of your life around reinforcing/maintaining the new habit through
repetition.

With repetition, doing the right thing gets easier.

~~~
medienjunkie
Thanks, framing it that way makes a lot of sense!

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akg_67
I use two criteria on discussion boards and in life.

1\. Can I add any value to the discussion by expressing my opinion? For
example, a new data point, a different perspective, a new insight, etc.

2\. What value do I gain by continuing to argue my point of view or with
someone else? This prevents me from getting into useless extended arguments
that don't add any value other than annoying me or someone else. Typically, on
discussion boards, I would respond twice at most and then I stop participating
on a specific discussion.

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pestaa
I find it hard to add meaningful value to almost all discussions, so I can
easily shut up and listen.

~~~
jobigoud
Your answer made me realize that any really good advice on the subject had a
lot of chances of not being posted…

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codegeek
I usually comment when I feel like I am adding something to the conversation
in a positive way. I comment on topics that sometimes are closely related to
my own experiences. Or it could be about opinions or advice. I think it also
ok to comment to disagree on something but you must provide more than just a
"this is BS". I often see comments like that on "Show HN". If you must
disagree, then provide a reason.

I do not comment when it is about proving someone wrong or proving yourself
right because there is no end to it. I would not comment to argue on the
internet/HN as well. I do get angry, trust me just like anyone else. But when
a topic "pushes my buttons", I usually close that thread or just not comment
at all.

The best way is to ask yourself: If I read this comment a few days or even
weeks later, did it provide any value to the thread ? What about a year or two
? Or was I trying to prove a point ? If it is the former, your comment was
worth it.

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cpr
Other answers have already stated the general idea, but my advice is to hew to
the fairly clear, specific principle: Will my comment add some new non-trivial
foreground or background information to the discussion that hasn't already
been brought up?

Or, put another way: opinions don't really matter; we've all got one. What
matters is bringing specific new information to the discussion which could
make a difference.

(Oops: I see akg_67 has just brought up this same point while I was adding
this. Oh well, I suppose I should delete this to be consistent, but perhaps
two similar answers will help drive home the importance of this point. ;-)

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logn
I try not to have conversations here, and remember that everyone's entitled to
be wrong, and that readers won't always assume the commenter with the last
word wins. Also remember that we're all pretty much here with a common base of
knowledge, so re-iterating the same old points (e.g., if you're not paying,
_you 're_ the product) really accomplishes nothing... and everyone already
knows Javascript is useful and that CSS sucks but it's the best we have, etc
etc.

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notduncansmith
I use News/YC on my iPhone. Commenting is broken so I couldn't even if I
wanted to :) The story is a little different on my laptop (as you can see) but
usually I only let myself comment if what I'm going to say will add value to
the discussion: a new perspective, a yet-undiscussed piece of information,
some well-reasoned advice (and this only if I've been in similar situations),
etc. Also, if I see a subthread between two people that is clearly going
nowhere, I avoid it.

~~~
medienjunkie
Good idea. I did that for a while, but somehow stopped eventually. I'll block
HN on my desktop via /etc/hosts again.

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brudgers
For me, I've been spending more time at StackExchange because the QA format
reduces the number of statements which provoke a comment relative to those
which I might answer or from which I might learn something.

Spending time there makes me more aware of those times when I am about to
start arguing on HN.

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vijayr
One thing to try - type the comment in the comment box, but _don 't_ actually
push the add comment button, as in, don't post it. Do this for a few days, and
the urge to comment will decrease (It worked for me)

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medienjunkie
Good idea - I did that sometimes and it worked. Will remember that.

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hga
A simpler principle for initially dealing with this: ask yourself "What am I
trying to accomplish with this comment?"

On a forum like Hacker News, it should generally be one of the "make things
better" reasons that are suggested by others.

But alternatively, you can on various forums, and I suppose the occasional
Hacker News discussion, comment to make yourself feel better (however that
works).

Ah, another suggestion: look back on your old comments (easy with Hacker News)
and ask yourself if you're now glad you made (enough of) them. Do they make
you cringe, or feel proud?

~~~
medienjunkie
I don't comment to make myself feel better (I mean not to show off how smart I
am or whatever). The topics that make me comment are the ones where I feel
people are completely unreasonable. As xkcd says - someone is wrong on the
internet.

Mostly political, which somehow has sneaked into HN by now against the
original rules.

