
Ask HN: How to not feel bad/guilty about quitting the current job for a break? - throwawaydave07
Using a throwaway account for obvious reasons. I am a 28 year old developer working in New York at one of the big tech companies for the last several years. Lately I am finding myself burnt out and in poor health both physically and mentally and all around miserable. I have lost joy in a lot of things in life including the work. I recognized work being a key thing contributing to this and made the decision to quit my job, take 2-3 months off just mentally recovering and improving my physical health and then finding a new job at another company- likely a startup instead of another megacorp.<p>I have enough money saved up that I could afford to not do anything for many years and live off my savings if I wanted. I am single with no house, no kids or responsibilities and a simple lifestyle, the most expensive thing I own is my $2500 desktop.<p>However as I get closer to handing in my resignation the more self-doubt is creeping in. The thing is this job pays incredibly well and I feel guilty quitting it to take an extended break without having anything lined up. Another thing is that I have been working basically non-stop since I was 16-17 so the idea of taking 2-3 months off for myself is also making me feel bad and guilty. Moreover I see people who are much worse off then me who continue to grind and that makes me feel even more guilty for doing this.<p>I imagine there are many here who might have been in similar situations and can share their story and offer advice. I would love to hear your thoughts on this What should I do and how do I stop feeling like shit for considering this?
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saluki
You need a 1 to 2 week vacation.

Sounds like you have a great job, those are tough to find.

Take 1 week or 2 off, unplug and see how you feel after that.

You can probably recharge quite a bit in 1 week or 2. Vs. worrying about what
you're doing next.

If that doesn't work, see if you could take 1 month off paid or unpaid and
travel.

It might be a good idea to see a life coach or therapist too just to explore
what you're feeling.

Good luck.

~~~
sharmi
This is the best advice. Take baby steps. From my perspectiv, 1 week is too
short a time to fully assimilate the difference. See how you feel after 2
weeks of total disconnect from the job. Are you feeling relaxed and unwinded?
Then the job is the stressor. Else, the source is somewhere else, though the
job might also be a contributing factor.

How do you feel after joining again? Do you feel energetic/normal and
interested in tackling office work? Then all you need to do is take care not
to work 80 hour weeks and take an occasional long vacation.

Back from vacation, do you start dreading going to office more? Then the
office is the problem and it is deep rooted. There is the justification you
need, right there. Run away as fast as you can, protect yourself . You totally
deserve that.

~~~
eswat
And if OP does end up leaving the job, _please_ don’t feel guilty about taking
time off when you see others around you working harder but worse off than you.

Unless you were actually managing them you are not responsible for their
happiness. Get yourself back on track before worrying about others (it’s
cliché but think of the oxygen mask metaphor).

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DerekQ
Ask for a three month Sabbatical. If you've been working for a company for
some time and have done well there, you might be surprised how eager they are
for you not to leave outright. The reason for the Sabbatical? Have a couple of
ideas in your head if you feel the need to explain yourself, but don't say
burnout:

Trip around the world, meditation retreat, extra-tech study, family reasons,
whatever.

And of course, have your mind made up in case the answer is no. Make it clear
that you've decided to take the time off regardless, but would really like to
return to work for them in three months.

I've done this very thing myself. 2-3 months off, going part-time, etc. The
cost of losing your experience and abilities down the road usually out-weighs
any short term difficulties it presents to the company.

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matheist
I quit my job at a startup after a little over a year because I was burned
out. I took off a little over a year before getting another job. In the time
off, I worked on some of my own projects, I played music, I hung out with
friends, went on walks, spent time with family.

> _The thing is this job pays incredibly well_

So? What does that actually _do_ for you if you're unhappy? You're getting
paid in money, and money translates into wealth, i.e. things that you want.
But only if you spend it. What are you even bothering earning all that money
for, if you're going to spend your life being miserable? You have no house, no
kids, no responsibilities, a simple lifestyle — do you want to spend this time
in your life in a job that is burning you out and making you miserable?

edit: As for not feeling like shit about quitting — I don't know what will
work for you (I didn't have this problem when I quit; I didn't feel a moment's
regret), but you might for example set yourself some amount of time (2 months?
whatever) during which you are explicitly permitted to be self-indulgent and
relax, and after which you tell yourself you will sit down and plan for what
comes next, whether that's looking for work or donating to charity or starting
some project or helping others or whatever.

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world32
> Moreover I see people who are much worse off then me who continue to grind
> and that makes me feel even more guilty for doing this.

Unless you want to be a saint and donate all your money to charity then there
will always be people less fortunate than you. Though perhaps donating some
money to charity will make you feel better about it? And of course be a good
thing to do. But to ruin your mental and physical health by working yourself
silly just because there are others who have to go through the daily grind in
worse conditions would be a real shame.

Some people spend their money on fancy cars or big houses, you spend your
money on 2-3 months off, think of it that way.

Also, perhaps you should look into freelancing sites like toptal? I don't have
experience using them myself but from what I hear if you are good enough to
pass the interviews then they have a wide range of work available and you can
choose how many hours per week you want to work. Apparently the pay is not as
good as you would get in New York but it might be enough to live on if you
have a simple life. Perhaps consider working 20-30 hours a week after your
break so you don't have to feel guilty about using up all your savings?

~~~
world32
Another point I would add is - choose your next job (after the break) wisely.
Just like working for large corporations, startups have their own set of
downsides. I wouldn't say they have fewer downsides - just different ones. You
can find good places to work that are startups and good places that are
megacorps.

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brandojs
I didn't even hate my job and I quit to take 2 months to travel. Giving myself
some time off to experience new places, meet new people, and work on projects
I wanted to was the best thing I've ever done. I'm much like you where I worry
about always being better for tomorrow, but that means you don't live today.
Or if you are, it's not to your full potential.

Even when I was abroad, I would still put in a 4 hour day, dedicated to
whatever project I felt like working on. What you don't realize is how much
work occupies not only your physical time, but your mental time. I had 8 full
hours that I never had to think about things I wanted to do. In the end, it
re-ignited my passion for code and gave me a new perspective on how I want to
work the rest of my life.

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kleer001
Sounds like you'll be more effective and productive if you take off enough
time that you get bored and bored for a few weeks until you're hungry enough
to dive back into work.

For me that's about 3-4 months. I get sad and angry and bored and need need
need to work with a group of skilled people again. I've heard from others that
it takes about a season, no less than 8 weeks, no more than 6 months (except
for people that are fine working alone).

Since you have enough money to retire this should be easy. Don't worry about
this particular job. Worry about doing well in your career. If you're good
head hunters will contact you.

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throw51319
Roughly how much did you save up? I just turned 27 and am also in NYC. Have
85k cash. Just wondering.

But yeah, I would ease into it like the others said. If you have a well-paying
job that you kind of like, that's not a bad thing. Me myself, I've taken long
travel breaks before so I know what I'd be getting into (with tweaks from
maturing).

Take a 2 week vacation and disconnect. If you like it, then ask for a 2 month
sabbatical. If they say no, then just quit and go for a 3 month slow travel
trip around Europe or SA. Hit some meditation retreat and a music festival.

~~~
throwawaydave07
I have saved up ~$220k in 5 years. My rent situation is pretty good as I only
pay $1500 a month and I had minimal student loans when I graduated so that put
me ahead(state school with part time jobs and internships). I also have a good
amount of vested stock options that I can sell if need be (I got lucky that
the company I work for has had their stock appreciated significantly).

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phakding
If you like your job and it pays well, why leave it. Your problem is not job,
your problem is that you haven't taken any vacations. Just take a month off
and plan a vacation. Or just stay home and work in your health.

I used to pool my vacation and take entire month of December off and just
relax. I used to work out in the gym almost every day, wake up late, take
naps, watch movies. Other times, go travel to far away places etc.

If you come back and have forgotten passwords, then you have used up the time
well.

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hhvvvvv
Unlike these jobs, your youth and health won’t always be there. Figure out
what you would regret least and do that. I just resigned from my job, with
only 10k in savings, to pursue something that I find extremely compelling.

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gyardley
You're feeling what you're feeling because you're trying to treat your mental
health issues yourself, and your mental health issues are interfering with
your attempt at treatment.

Instead of trying to self-treat, you really should go see a mental health
professional; that's what they're there for. Your work very likely will cover
it; if not, well, this is why you have savings. Once a professional has helped
you deal with your unhealthy attitudes towards work and what could very
possibly be depression, then you can determine the best way to move forward
with your life.

