
In two-thirds of heterosexual couples, the man is at least a year older - catpower
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/29/opinion/sunday/dating-age-gap.html
======
iUsedToCode
You cannot cheat biology with feminism or education. Some things are
impossible to change overnight, regardless of the social pressure or guilt.

Men are attracted to fit, young females. Maybe because women in the past
tended to pick not the youngest but the most powerful (in this particular
social circle?). Thus humans learned that both parties are ok with age
difference.

It seems a bit gross, a 70yo with a 25yo girl. It happens less often now (a
wild guess), so maybe social pressure helps a little bit. But i believe that
men still prefer fitness over education in women. Not 100% of the time, not in
edge cases, but in general. Even in the press, a guy is more often smart,
funny, successful and a girl is beautiful, elegant, and so on. Not always, but
more often than not.

~~~
agumonkey
I don't really agree with that. I lost my love for youth but that's because I
found someone that kept my most innocent feelings lively. I'm sure that when
men end up dating far younger women, it's partly for cheap fun, and partly to
relive dear feelings they're missing.

~~~
jopsen
statistics doesn't always apply on a personal level, it's statistics :)

~~~
agumonkey
I know, we know. But I'm talking because I rarely see this. Also I believe I
have a limit case life.

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throw92841
The classical explanation for this is that men are attracted to fertility
while women are attracted to status.

I really doubt any self respecting 30 year old woman with a great job is going
to find, say, a highschool jock attractive. The appearance of being with
someone like that does not do her brand any favors in her social context.
She's out of his league.

This is probably a little (a lot) reductionist but it provides a pretty
satisfying explanation, at least to me.

Human beings are nasty machines.

~~~
danharaj
> The classical explanation for this is that men are attracted to fertility
> while women are attracted to status.

Then why don't young women prefer older men, who are more likely than men of
their age to be more distinguished and accomplished?

Maybe women prefer partners they can relate better to. Why is that not less
plausible than this unjustified cynicism?

~~~
throwahey
But they do, far more often I see older men with younger women. Rarely do I
see the opposite, at least, as far as long-term relationships go.

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belorn
A bit surprised that the article don't mention what the OKCupid blog wrote,
which is that age is not a good statistical predictor for what man a woman
will date. It is however an excellent predictor for men.

What is an excellent predictor for what man a woman will date, according to
the OKCupid data, is income of the man statistically anchored to the income of
the woman. This produce a very similar looking graph to this article, where
the older the woman the more income she has and the more income she is looking
in a man.

~~~
fiokoden
I do not blame women at all for this, totally understandable, but if you are
older man without plenty of money, forget it, even if you look OK and are a
nice guy, women want the successful man, and why not eh? I'd do the same. Who
wants to spend the rest of life scrabbling for money?

~~~
StavrosK
It's almost as if men : youth :: women : wealth.

~~~
fiokoden
Maybe. I like women of any age really.

The most appealing thing to me is when I feel comfortable with a woman and
have a personality connection PLUS physically attracted.

In general however I think you are spot on correct.

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nils-m-holm
Only n=1 and I guess I'm an outlier, but:

I can get attracted to a wide range of physical appearances (including age) if
the person is empathic and/or intelligent. However, I never get attracted to
someone who lacks those attributes, no matter how physically attractive they
might be. In fact I find the combination of being physically attractive but
cold and or dumb even a bit repulsive.

~~~
wakkaflokka
I think there's different things going on here.

If I were to point out women that I find physically attractive solely from a
set of pictures, they'd probably skew to the younger side.

But in reality, the important aspects of a life mate for me go way, way, way
beyond just being attractive physically. That 23 year old on OKC might spur a
momentary sexual fantasy, but never in my right mind would I truly want to
date someone of that age.

In other words, I picked my mate because I find her very attractive -
physically, intellectually, and emotionally. But that doesn't mean younger
women aren't attractive in a putely physical sense.

I'm rambling now.

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burntrelish1273
There's "dating" for sex and dating to get married. People in the former mode
are pickier, and the latter are more nuanced.

PS: Ben Franklin's advice. Older chicks whom are in-shape are animal, bad
bitches in the sack.

~~~
SomeStupidPoint
Good ol' Ben "In the Dark, All Cats Are Gray" Franklin.

Apparently, that phrase actually dates back to at least 1550 --
[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/all_cats_are_grey_in_the_dark](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/all_cats_are_grey_in_the_dark)

Which suddenly has me curious on the history of advice on how to get "bad
bitches" \-- is there some grand human tradition I've failed to learn the
major milestones of?

(Like fart jokes which are ~4k years old or advertisements which are ~6k years
old.)

~~~
empath75
The oldest recorded joke is a fart joke— "Something which has never occurred
since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

[https://m.theregister.co.uk/2008/08/01/oldest_joke/](https://m.theregister.co.uk/2008/08/01/oldest_joke/)

~~~
soVeryTired
The double negative confuses me. Are they saying young women never do that or
they always do it?

~~~
pngai
I could be confused too, but I would rewrite it as

"It is a universal practice for a young woman to fart in her husband's lap."

~~~
SomeStupidPoint
I think 'experience' might be better than 'practice', in the sense that it's
an accidental fart.

Which makes it a strangely comprehensible joke -- "there's never been a wife
that didn't fart in her husband's lap", which I can see being said as a
teasing, crude joke. (Especially if that "girl's don't fart" thing is an older
pseudo-belief than I had thought.)

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maxander
Those plots, though. When has data ever been more clear-cut, or incriminating
to the human condition.

I don't think the anti-aging research push is driven by fear of oblivion-
we've found so many outlets for that already. It's about sexiness. It would be
nice if the first blockbuster rejuvenation pill added years of life
expectancy, but its sales will be driven almost entirely by how good it makes
you look.

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Natsu
Here's another very interesting article put out by OKCupid in the past that's
hit HN a few times before -

[https://web.archive.org/web/20101006104124/http://blog.okcup...](https://web.archive.org/web/20101006104124/http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/why-
you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating/)

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gbarc888
What a quote! "women are like cheese, they get blue veins and start to stink."

Older women (even ones with children) can be just as beautiful as younger
ones. Not with an attitude like that, though.

~~~
b0rsuk
It doesn't help working out is perceived as something manly, and many women
appear to think it's beneath them. Women under 30 are used to the fact they
can have attention with zero working out. They use make-up instead, but it can
carry you only so far if you get flabby and overweight.

The phrase "Like lipstick o na pig" might be rude, but it didn't come from
nowhere.

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1337biz
Good to see some real numbers - and amusing to read the write up of trying to
contextualize those numbers into the NYT's accepted socially appropriate
consensus.

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dropit_sphere
Is it just me, or am I getting a slut-shaming vibe from the article? Shouldn't
women be able to sleep w/whomever w/o worrying about the "market effect"?

~~~
sushid
The article has a very pro-sex vibe to it so I'm going to say it's just you.

> Sign a pledge with me here today. Not of celibacy (where’s the fun in
> that?), but let’s end this scourge once and for all by committing to
> contemporaries.

> If I could prolong my time as a young adult by, say, 2.3 years, here is a
> list of things I would like to do:

[...]

• Have more romantic partners. Preferably ones with abs.

------
pravda
For all those older men seeking to score a younger women...head to the
Philippines!

From the NYT comments:

"Yes a big age gap 'matters.' But to whom? And in what way? Can it be managed
or ignored?? Yes! I was married at age 48 to a 24 yo from the Philippines. We
had two beautiful daughters, twins by IVF (her fertility issue, not mine).
Then she killed herself (bipolar issues and the local meth) when we moved to
the Philippines. So now I have a 30yo gf: A reasonably tall and Truly
Beautiful woman. We have been together 4+ years. and I am 73."

