
How the Internet Gave Mail-Order Brides the Power - rbanffy
https://backchannel.com/how-the-internet-gave-mail-order-brides-the-power-1af8c8a40562
======
randyrand
I feel as though they always had 'the power'. They are exchanging a good they
are born with (attractiveness), for a good that their older partner has
typically worked their entire life for (money).

If anything, I'd say the historical power play is the man being taken
advantage of for his simpleminded sexuality, not the other way around.

~~~
tango567
> If anything, I'd say the historical power play is the man being taken
> advantage of for his simpleminded sexuality, not the other way around.

This male trait reinforces itself automatically.

If a man is not sufficiently obsessed with simple-minded sexuality, then he
will not do what it takes to transmit this traits to the next generation.
Hence, not being obsessed with simple-minded sexuality is an evolutionary dead
end that gradually dies out ...

We are the way we are, simply because if we were not like that, we would not
even be here.

~~~
randyrand
I agree with the sentiment, but there's an important caveat.

Simpleminded sexually exclusively is not generally a good thing.

1\. you waste time and energy breeding with unfit people

2\. you do not accelerate evolution.

Clearly these are not good things. It's important 1 gender is more advanced-
minded when it comes to sex to avoid this. But only 1. If both sexes were
advanced-minded, then people would likely stop reproducing as much, and this
trait would die out.

------
glangdale
There's often a strange disconnect in these kind of discussions between
'bargaining power' in an abstract economic sense and more real-world
understandings of power - for example, it's somewhat of an economics truism
that polygyny (multiple wives) improves female bargaining power, but it
doesn't necessarily map that well to real-world improvements in female welfare
due to all the other societal stuff. Migrating to the US similarly may make
that wonderful 'bargaining power' a thing of the past...

For this particular on-line dating case, the old Carnegie Tech saying comes to
mind: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd". These mail-order brides may
be getting to pick and choose among a wider pool, but it's a pool of guys who
are still resorting to this model of meeting a wife...

------
zensavona
The most interesting thing about this article for me was the caption of the
photo of Leonor and her son:

> _Leonor and her son Zen. Photo by Meredith Talusan._

My name is also Zen, and I've never met or heard of anyone else with this name
:) That's cool.

~~~
prawn
I've met a Zen in Australia. Might've been you if you ever lived in Adelaide
and studied acting.

------
thaumasiotes
Summary: the internet gave mail-order filipina brides power because internet
access is such a high bar that there are relatively few filipina women
available to be found _on the internet_. The article specifically notes that
local, internetless women often poach men who have arrived to visit the girl
they met on the internet.

~~~
emodendroket
That doesn't sound right.

~~~
ldargin
Probably most Filipinas have some degree of internet access now (i.e. free
Facebook), but attracting a mate online is a special skill.

~~~
emodendroket
Maybe, but that's not a summary of the article.

------
theprop
Wait. What happened to Jonathan and Leonor? Did thy get married?

(Just as I was getting into the story...poof...ended :-( )

~~~
gwern
The journalist presumably didn't have time to hang around for the next 5 years
to see how it will work out.

~~~
theprop
Well, married may be a bit far out...

What about just a week later so we know if they were even getting along in
person? And how their expectations and understanding upon meeting each other
changed?

~~~
emodendroket
There's a documentary, Seeking Asian Female, that charts a relationship like
this over a longer period of time (although the bride is Chinese). You might
be interested.

------
tango567
To the extent that women happily exploit the fact that men are obviously
obsessed with "getting a piece of her", women will always have quite a bit of
power over the fantasy of men. But then again, to the extent that men make
sure to have the dollars, if becomes the power of fantasy against the power of
money ...

------
andrewclunn
So don't waste your time online. Just vacation in the Philippines and pick out
a bride then. If that's what you want.

~~~
thaumasiotes
Heavily downvoted, but this does seem to be the message of the article?

~~~
andrewclunn
Maybe the dating sites have hacker news bots? I wrote this response as a joke,
but thinking about it...

