
Ask HN: I need advice, Mid-life crisis - alexhakawy
I&#x27;m 26. No college degree no job no money single no kids and now a DUI on my record so hard to even hire. I&#x27;m not depressed but I feel like I can do better in life.<p>I want to make something of myself but not sure where to even begin. I thought I would want to become a Web developer because I saw it as a way out of poverty for me and my family but I find it hard and give up at times because everything is so overwhelming and I don&#x27;t have anyone to ask questions to because I have so many questions plus I can&#x27;t afford bootcamps. I&#x27;m leaning towards becoming a PHP freelancer but even that seems hard to me. Because of my record of DUI I feel like being a freelancer is a good route<p>With no money and lack of training I don&#x27;t know how I&#x27;ll succeed as a developer. Or get a decent paying job in general I just don&#x27;t want to end up homeless or poor.
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gamechangr
There are a lot of people that are going to tell you to "never give up" and
other platitudes.

I suggest you start with a goal in mind. If you want to be a developer, figure
out what you can get paid to do while you learn. For example, I can work 20
hours a week as a "____" that will give me enough runway to learn to develop
20 hours a week.

I would not try to go from zero to employed as a developer in your situation.
There will be 100 people who can say "I did exactly that" but there could have
been 10,000 who died trying.

Get a smaller goal. Accomplish it and keep moving up. You will make it that
way.

~~~
devnonymous
I completely agree with this approach. Also I wanted to add that I know it
feels hard and at times it is but starting small and finding a niche that
doesn't feel so hard is also an option. You don't need to be a developer to
make a living, you can also be a system admin, tech support or a bunch of
different things and that could then become your '20 hours a week as a ____'
as mentioned above, while you keep working on becoming a developer.

~~~
alexhakawy
how do I become tech support or system admin? that sounds fun

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jfitbsidbfb
Okay, first you should reach out to anyone you know for a job doing anything.
References can get you past all kinds of roadblocks including DUI. At this
point it's probably a given that you should stop drinking completely until you
have your shit together.

If you really want to be a developer here is the path I wish I would have
taken:

First, save up money. Unless you're in driving distance of a good school you
will need to move. Find a state with a good loan/grant program and solid state
schools. This is vital. Some states/schools will cover you 100℅ with
loans/grants and others don't offer jack. Try to find a place that gives
grants so you don't end up in a debt hole later. Apply like crazy until you
get into one. Move. Immediately begin the residency requirements for that
state so you pay in state tuition and get in state grants. If the timing is
off, delay starting school until you have residency.

You can reach out for part time jobs through the school. This is only a good
path if you're really serious, if you fail out you will be in a much worse
place than you are.

Once you're in school you will be fine money-wise until you graduate. A lot of
people would recommend community college but most have a failure rate of 90℅
and it will delay your degree a few years, something you might not want to do
at your age. 26 is fine for college these days, I didn't start until 23 and I
wasn't out of place at all

~~~
b_emery
Excellent advice. I would add that Op needs to make his or her own safety net,
and the only path to this is by building up savings. The goal is to get to a
place where you can save a large fraction of income with the ultimate long
term goal of having 25-30x annual expenses in the bank. I wish I had known to
do this in my 20's.

------
CyberFonic
Seriously, a DUI is no big deal. 15 minutes in the naughty corner. So any
potential employer who sees that as a barrier to employing you is probably too
self-righteous for a pleasant workplace.

So what have you been doing since leaving school? 8+ years of doing _____ ?

Becoming a developer is not easy nor quick. The bootcamps only promise
otherwise because they want gullible people to hand over a bunch of money.
Being a freelancer is like having several bosses, besides you would still need
to be able to to deliver in order to get paid.

Perhaps the best strategy is to get a job that you can do right now. Then in
your free time you teach yourself a language for which there are lots of jobs
in your area. Personally, I would think PHP is not a very good choice. I would
suggest that JavaScript is a better choice since it is widely used on both the
front-end and back-end. You can start learning it with nothing more than a
good book and a recent browser with DevTools.

~~~
afarrell
I would agree that JavaScript is better than php at this point. The problem
with that suggestion is that the JS world is so fragmented and to be
successful, you need to exercise judgement to decide what the right tool for
the job is. OP is too new to have that judgement, so he needs a clear path to
follow. Do you happen to know what a good path to learning nodejs from scratch
is nowadays? I suspect that picking up either Learn JavaScript the Hard Way or
an Egghead.io course on redux/react would be a good idea...maybe?

------
joeclark77
Can you join the military with a DUI? Man, if I were 26 again and single, I'd
go for being a fighter pilot or maybe a submariner. Put off the "mid-life
crisis" until you're actually middle aged!

~~~
Jtsummers
> Can you join the military with a DUI?

Probably. It'd have to be a pretty egregious offense with more serious
attached charges to bar that.

> I'd go for being a fighter pilot

Requires a college degree, periodically requires a technical degree (that
condition changes based on USAF/Navy needs).

> maybe a submariner

Be aware, this is a very isolating career field, and also broad, as there are
many jobs on a submarine (or any naval vessel).

That all said, if you've got the emotional aptitude (by this I mean stability,
especially if you go enlisted), it's a good way to get started or restarted.
4-5 year commitment, end up with training and a signing bonus socked away and
access to funds for college. Employers also seem to have a strong preference
for former military. If you find the military satisfactory you can stay in
career, or go reserves (worst case is being called up for another war like
Iraq/Afghanistan, normal case is a few weeks of wearing a uniform a year and
collecting an extra retirement check at 60).

~~~
joeclark77
Yeah, I'm really addressing the hypothetical 26-year-old me. The OP is 26 and
he thinks he's at "mid-life" and is worried about not having a career. I'm
nearly 40 now and am only now starting to find out what I want to be when I
grow up. And I don't feel very handicapped by that! My past "careers" have all
given me a lot of value and learning.

The message I'd like to convey to the OP is that he could have an adventure
for 4-5 years, or even 10 years, and _then_ worry about what career he wants
to go into.

------
saluki
You're young you can do anything.

Web development if you enjoy it can be rewarding and fun, and pay the bills.

Network, find someone who works in the industry who can help get you in the
door.

You mentioned HTML5, CSS and PHP.

You can do this without a bootcamp.

Do you have a macbook? If not I would recommend saving up for a macbook (an
air 13" would be perfect <$1k on sale or refurbished, or a mac mini). You'll
need it down the road when you get to more advanced topics. Windows is ok
initially.

First step is learning HTML and CSS. (if you haven't already)

Then PHP, build a simple web app, get hosting FTP your files to get things
working. Learn about shared hosting, domains (pointing A records). Learn the
basics of MySQL.

Next learn javascript and jQuery.

Now you should be building your own websites and web apps.

Another possible path is learning WordPress (PHP).

Once you have the basics down you can move on to a framework, for PHP I would
recommend Laravel. Great tools, great community, and getting really popular,
used by lots of projects and companies.

You can learn a lot by signing up at laracasts.com, it's $9/mo but well worth
it.

Use git or bitbucket, start deploying projects to digital ocean VPS hosting,
forge.laravel.com is a great tool for creating and deploying to droplets.

Start getting the basics down and keep leveling up with the projects and
fees/rate you charge.

Checkout Larajobs.com

If you have a question run in to problems google it and check stack overflow.
Reach out to developers. You can build a nice network of developers willing to
answer questions and point you in the right direction.

feel free to email me: HNusername at gmail.

Hang in there, Good luck.

------
xjlin0
Just wondering why you choose PHP without mentioning JavaScript? There are
many free course:

[https://www.edx.org/xseries/html5-w3c](https://www.edx.org/xseries/html5-w3c)

[https://www.eduonix.com/courses/Web-Development/learn-
object...](https://www.eduonix.com/courses/Web-Development/learn-object-
oriented-php-by-building-a-complete-website?utm_source=mooc-list)

[https://www.udacity.com/course/web-development--
cs253](https://www.udacity.com/course/web-development--cs253)

[https://www.codecademy.com/learn/php](https://www.codecademy.com/learn/php)

~~~
alexhakawy
I've been checking out that first link you gave me is it worth it? I'm half
way through it but no JS stuff yet.

------
JSeymourATL
> With no money and lack of training ...

There are remarkable number of Free Online resources, assuming you can
dedicate the time to check these out, start here... >
[https://skillcrush.com/2016/03/15/64-online-resources-to-
lea...](https://skillcrush.com/2016/03/15/64-online-resources-to-learn-to-
code-for-free/)

> I don't know how I'll succeed as a developer...

Here's some good food for thought from Greg McKeown on achievement >
[https://youtu.be/5TGMujw629Y](https://youtu.be/5TGMujw629Y)

------
nicholas73
The way I taught myself web development was: 1) The excellent Udacity courses
(might not be free anymore, but they offer 50% back if you don't find a job).
2) Codeacademy for Javascript and jQuery. 3) Then, you need to build a project
front to back. Choose a project that there is a similar one online that you
can learn from. My first webapp is:
[http://sudokuisland.com](http://sudokuisland.com) 4) Google + StackOverflow

It took many months of work, but I definitely know enough to pick up whatever
I need now for projects.

------
eb0la
Sincerely, not everybody needs to be a developer. The fun part of HN is there
are very bright people here that - by chance - are developers.

You should be developing all kind skills (soft skills) that will last for
life, not something linked to any technology that will be obsolete in 5-10
years.

This needs time; but since you have no kids and no job you are rich in that.

There is a lot of iliteracy in this areas. Maybe your road is here:

* Communication (how to send a message to different audiences) * Numbers (spreadsheets, budgets, business plans, etc.) * Automation (home automation, business process automation).

Maybe this helps :-)

------
po-tee-weet
Lots of good advice here. Are you in the position to go back to school? Maybe
enroll in a couple classes at your local community college and see if you
learn better in a structured environment. It's hard learning by yourself when
you don't know what to learn.

~~~
alexhakawy
Yeah I'll take some classes maybe that will help.

------
FullMtlAlcoholc
I know in the moment things seem very dire for you. Step back, take a deep
breath, and know that countless other people have been in your situation or
worse. We're humans and throughout history we've adapted to conditions 10x
more horrid than you can even imagine.

First, the DUI. I'm also a member of the bad judgment club, but it has never
impacted my career in any way. It's an expensive lesson, but depending on your
conviction, the state you reside in, where you are in the legal process, etc.,
employers may never see it. Do your research. In San Francisco and for public
employers, it's actually legal to inquire about your criminal history if it
has no relevance to the job. Out of all the things you could have been
convicted of, people will probably be the least judgmental about a DUI because
the vast majority of people ahve driven drunk, you just got caught. Depending
on your level of desperation and/or your personal ethics, lying or massaging
the truth is also an option.

> I find it hard and give up at times because everything is so overwhelming
> and I don't have anyone to ask questions to because I have so many questions

Guess what? That sentiment is very common amongst software engineers. In fact,
from my personal experience, devs have a higher level of impostor syndrome and
professional inadequacy than any other profession, save for doctors and
scientists, I've witnessed. I had the exact same feelings as well in the
beginning. However, I funneled these feelings to add to my drive. I wanted to
be a dev and it was going to happen one way or another. My first resume was
filled with a bunch of BS, personal projects were conflated to contract work,
a lot of the code in my github was copypasta, and all my references were just
personal friends. I don't condone this, but the padded resume got me
interviews. And actually going on interviews taught me how to better prepare
and perform for interviews. After 5 or so, someone finally gave me a chance
and I took all those lies on my resume and made them true.

For your situation, starting off as a freelancer isn't impossible but it's
very difficult as freelancers generally get contracts/positions based upon
their demonstrated skill and networking as it takes a higher level of trust to
hire someone who you will never see work.

Despite your claims to the contrary, you do sound depressed and obviously
overwhelmed, so taking care of that should be your priority. Following my
example would works best only if pressure turns you into a diamond.

In your case, I would start by going to local tech meetups, networking, and
finding someone who enjoys mentoring. There's a ton of people out there who
enjoy educating noobs, especially hungry ones. Find these people in developer
rooms on IRC, Slack, or Discord. Take a MOOC and meet up with a local study
group of like-minded wanna-be devs. Like any other profession, networking is
very important. Plus, they give out free food. If you're driving there, I'd
steer clear of the free drinks :).

Also, just write code. Every day. Doesn't matter if it's shitty, doesn't
matter if it doesn't work and you have to start over. Code the simplest,
dumbest application and just get it working. Every day, add a little something
to it, no matter how trivial. If you're ever feeling like giving up, let this
motivate you:
[https://jenniferdewalt.com/index.html](https://jenniferdewalt.com/index.html)
There are going to be times where you feel like you're not getting it or are
just not advancing anymore and ramming your head against a wall. It's an
illusion. I remember when I first encountered pointer logic, it just didn't
register with me and no matter how many different ways I tried to understand
it, I still couldn't manipulate pointers for the life of me. Then one day,
without even consciouslly thinking about it, it all made sense.

That's what the start of programming, and life in general, is like. You may
not see evidence of progress every day, but some concepts take time and
subconscious/unconscious though to understand. And that eureka moment is
totally worth it, better than sex. Oh, focus on javascript. You most likely
won't be doing anything outside of CRUD work in php, if that.

~~~
alexhakawy
what did you mean by that last part about PHP and Javascript. honestly right
now I just want to get out of poverty and Web development seems to be what I
enjoy and if PHP is the fastest way why not?

------
alexhakawy
thanks guys I'll find a way maybe I should join Military

------
fuqted
>I thought I would want to become a Web developer because I saw it as a way
out of poverty for me and my family but I find it hard and give up at times
because everything is so overwhelming and I don't have anyone to ask questions
to because I have so many questions plus I can't afford bootcamps.

Wow. Get ahold of yourself.

You're almost incoherent and begging for advice yet you were unwilling to give
a serious answer to CyberFonic's post. You don't seem like a person that
deserves helping.

~~~
afarrell
> CyberFonic's post

What are you referring to?

Also, feeling frustrated and like you've hit a wall is just part of the nature
of learning to program. Building up the mental fortitude and patience to keep
going and keep trying to see what you're wrong about (and thus get around the
blockage) takes time.

Why do you think he seems undeserving of help?

~~~
fuqted
Do you just want me to repeat myself? He's defeatist, typing almost
incoherently and he's clearly already abandoned this thread. The reasons why
he doesn't deserve help are self evident.

~~~
75j
Are you kidding? Is being coherent your litmus test for deserving help? He's
probably a little depressed and emotionally rattled right now, and being
incoherent (I understood him just fine, though) is absolutely a side effect of
being in a dire, stressful situation.

