

Ask HN: Dealing with unsupportive parents - creating startup - jpd750

HN-<p>I've been telling myself for many years now I've wanted to create a company of my own and get out of the corporate misery.<p>I am a software developer by trade, and have worked with a few startups in the past.<p>Recently (past 5 months) I have been working on an idea, that is already a proven business model, and working on everything myself from the business end to the technical (dev) end.<p>I've saved up atleast 6 months of money, in order to live at home, and work on my product. My parents do not want this and think I should get a product together first and then quit ... which seems the most logical until..<p>You factor in:
-I'm working full time (40 hours) + doing 12-15 hours of commuting per week . This part will only get worse as I am given more responsibility at work and need to work on call.<p>My question for you HN individuals is - how have you dealt with unsupportive (close) individuals to you Friends, family, etc. ?
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padseeker
I hate to agree with your parents BUT....

If you continue with your miserable job things will take longer, and your job
will get in the way from time to time. However you should funnel that misery
into motivation into building your app. If you are single, don't have kids you
can do this easily, nights and weekends. It will mean giving up some hobbies
and not going out with friends but I like your odds. The money you saved
should not be spent on living without a job for 6 months, pay someone to help
you build your idea. The risk is low as it seems unlikely you would move in
with your parents if you had a wife and kids. The flipside of this is;

You build your business, you finish it and then... maybe you don't have any
customers, or no revenue, and the panic of "I have no job and my product is
failing", this is a pretty terrible and terrifying feeling.

For the record I've met 2 people who opted for what you are proposing (quit
job, work on project full time) and they both went through the panic of "my
project is done and I have no or insufficient income!" And what happens if you
don't finish? What happens if you hit a snag? Even if you do everything right
does not mean you will have enough paying customers after 6 months. I feel
like you are setting yourself up for failure without a net. I know it works
out for some people, but I'm only playing the percentages here and I feel like
you are more likely to be on the losing end.

I on the other hand have a wife, 2 kids, am the primary bread winner and have
built my project after hours. It has been slow going and I have no revenue.
I've lost a lot of sleep. I've struggled with marketing. However I still have
confidence in what I'm doing, and while it takes more time for me to make
changes and market on my own I prefer being where I am. My only complaint is I
can't market much from 9-5. I've resorted to making cold calls at lunch, but I
feel like I'm doing the right thing (I don't have much of a choice really with
the kids and family, but still). My project may be a total failure but I still
have the satisfaction of building something myself without the panic. All I
lost was sleep, and time with friends. I have no regrets.

For me there will be no dread fueled panic (or panic fueled dread) from the
feeling of "I have a project that is not generating enough revenue and I have
no job!" Granted I can't afford to quit. But while I've made some unwise
decisions in development(learning a new language/framework to build a web app)
and struggled with some decisions I don't feel the pressure that those bad
decisions ruined me, they were learning experiences. Please do not quit your
job.

If I can do it after hours you surely can do it. Listing to Rob and Mike from
Startups for the Rest of Us podcast, and they both worked on their startup
until they had enough revenue to quit. I would trust their advice before mine.
Definitely pay someone else to help you, which will move things along faster.
You are young and the risks are low, it's a worth while investment.

Good luck man, sorry to come out on the same side as your parents.

------
staunch
PROBLEM: No time for your project because you're always exhausted after 12
hours of commuting and work?

SOLUTION: Wake up earlier and work on your project while you're fresh.

    
    
      4:00 AM - Wake up, work on project
      7:00 AM - Get ready, head into day job
      8:00 PM - Sleep
    

I understand (very well) how hard it is to work on a project after 12 hours of
commuting and work. That's why working on your project before you go to your
day job is so effective.

But, it requires a lot of motivation and discipline to sleep and wake so early
every day. If you can't handle doing it for at least a few months, while you
get your project ready, you probably won't have the drive to do anything
anyway.

------
roopeshv
From seeing your situation, i have some suggestions:

first thing. move closer to work, and you'd have saved 15 hrs to put into your
project. from what you say, it's right in the face. trying to save few $100's
in rent by wasting the time on commute is the worst trade off you are making
right now. If you think spending few $100s extra on a place closer to work
should be minimal compared to what you think your project is worth. If you
think otherwise, i'm not sure how much important this project is to you.

second thing. don't speculate how much responsibility you might have. Don't
promise on taking responsibility from your manager only to do what you don't
enjoy as much; only take what you can at the current work pace. if you are not
trying to climb up the corporate ladder, why take more than necessary
responsibilities and make your life harder? be an mediocre employee at a
corporate entity. Produce 8hrs worth of deliverables every day, be present,
and contribute to the job in those 8 hrs, no more. that should work for most
corporations.

~~~
jpd750
Its not up to me to "take on necessary responsibilities" .

They are putting ME on call, not the other way around. Im not raising my hand
either.

------
debacle
Sounds like you're living with your parents still. If that is the case, you
have to take their wishes into consideration more strongly than you otherwise
would have.

I would wait until you have some sort of product, even if it's an MVP.
Otherwise you could be doing yourself a great disservice - if you do fail,
your parents may never support you again.

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Mz
If the line "in order to live at home" means "live with my parents rent free",
you can't do that without their support. If that is the current plan, consider
it busted and come up with something else. If, instead, you mean you have six
months savings and plan to "work from home" and that home is your own home,
you do what makes sense to you and try to not talk too much about it with the
parents.

~~~
jpd750
What is your idea of "coming up with something else"

~~~
Mz
You brainstorm. Take a roommate. Take a lower paying, lower stress job. Move
closer to work to free up commute time. Find something that has some hope of
supporting you and also allowing you to work on your project.

But you cannot force someone to support you, in the literal sense of paying
your bills or in the general sense of being "supportive" of your plans. You
just can't. If you get fired they might take you in. But you can't say "I have
this dream and I expect you to make it possible, like it or not". That simply
does not work. There is no way to make it work. You don't have some god given
right to pursue your dreams by imposing on others like that. Find a way to do
it yourself. Or do it their way if you (think you) need their backing.

