
I Don't Understand - rsobers
http://bjk5.com/post/38101106878/i-dont-understand
======
kstenerud
I first noticed this effect in college, when the prof would be talking about
something that didn't make sense to me. If I remained silent, he'd never
explain (of course) and I'd remain ignorant. However, whenever I asked him,
everyone would start furiously writing down his explanation in their notes.

So I got into the habit of saying "I don't understand". Inevitably, there
would be quite a number of other people who also didn't understand, but were
afraid to ask, so I'd just ask first. That stuck with me throughout my career
and served me well. If you don't understand, ask.

Also, contrary to common sentiment, there is no minimum competency level that
grants you the privilege of saying "I don't understand." Ignorance is not a
monopoly of the elite.

~~~
brandall10
Did you usually just say "I don't understand"... or was it more like "I get
how a works with b when c occurs. But you lost me when you were talking about
how it happens over z, I don't get the distinction, could you go into that?"

It's not about plain ignorance, but conscious incompetence. That can be a
great deal of work to attain in a given domain, getting to that "I know what I
don't know" place so you can actually make pointed questions. You have to have
a fairly good map of the territory already to begin filling in the gaps.

Many of those people furiously writing probably didn't even know where to
begin to ask... just write the stuff down now, understand later. Asking "I
don't understand" doesn't make you look stupid, it's the follow-up "what don't
you understand?", and then showing you can't even get into a proper discussion
about your ignorance.

~~~
keithpeter
Bingo.

I'm a teacher and I _like_ students who ask me to re-explain or re-present a
step in an argument. In fact, I use techniques _designed_ to find out how much
my students know and 'how they know it'. I teach fairly basic Maths, and
different students learn the basics in different ways.

I'd like a student who could articulate _which step_ in a complex argument is
the issue even more! I usually ask follow up questions to find out where the
issue is without putting the questioner on the spot.

~~~
JadeNB
> In fact, I use techniques designed to find out how much my students know and
> 'how they know it'. I teach fairly basic Maths, and different students learn
> the basics in different ways.

This sounds interesting. Could you talk more about it?

~~~
keithpeter
OK, take a question like 'which is bigger, one fifth or one third or one
half'. Some people just know the bigger number on the bottom of the fraction
means that is smaller, for unit fractions. Other people have to visualise the
fractions as a pizza and compare the slices. A few people have to take an
actual value like 30 and work out the values of each of the fractions. They
all solve the problem, but the 'way they know' is different.

A longer example is at

[http://sohcahtoa.org.uk/pages/maths_algebra-revision-card-
so...](http://sohcahtoa.org.uk/pages/maths_algebra-revision-card-sort-and-
mark-homework-activity.html)

------
zaidf
Making a clear statement such as "I don't understand" also is a great signal
to your coworkers. It kills confusion and builds trust: I know that if you
don't understand, you will let me know. That is much better than having
someone who I have to poke to admit that they don't understand something.

Another personal favorite is stating unequivocally, loud and clear that "
_This was my mistake_ ". It is tempting to just fix the mistake but even if
you have fixed it, if there isn't clear _declared_ ownership, you probably
haven't addressed the root cause.

Doing this keeps you honest to yourself and also removes the awkward air where
no one knows who is responsible for this mistake because no one has taken
ownership. To pull this off you need an environment that won't punish mistakes
by default.

There are absolutely fireable mistakes but if you do this right, the employee
should volunteer to be let go because he realizes the gravity of his error.

~~~
Evbn
Why does it matter who is responsible for a mistake? Whence this antiquated
notion that failures are to be blamed on a scapegoat?

~~~
klibertp
I understand this the following way: when nobody claims "ownership" of a
mistake, everybody (ie. in a team) feels guilty about it, even of they had no
control over what lead to this mistake. If someone says clearly that it was
his mistake, everybody else may stop worrying and either concentrate on
something else or help mistaken person avoid such mistakes in the future.

This has nothing to do with scapegoats, but my understanding can be, of
course, completely off.

~~~
zaidf
You are right on.

------
chernevik
I am but an egg. Very new as a developer, not particularly good.

The smartest programmer in my workspace frequently looks for me when he's
trying to solve something hard. There are a dozen people around us, at least,
who are better able to _solve_ whatever problem he's working on. But they
don't ask as many questions. I ask a lot of questions. Midway through
explaining stuff he's solved his problem.

And meanwhile I've learned a ton.

~~~
mleonhard
Where do you work?

~~~
chernevik
My email is in profile, hit me there

------
DigitalSea
I can see why there seems to be a stigma attached to admitting you don't
understand something, especially if you've just started at a new place and you
want to make a good impression and reassure them they made the right choice
hiring you. I've been guilty too many times of not speaking up when I don't
understand something and it comes back to bite you. It makes you look more
incompetent being ignorant and not speaking up and then ultimately failing to
deliver, than it does to admit you don't understand something thus lowering
expectations of the outcome from your work.

To be honest most senior developers are guilty of not creating the right kind
of environments for people to comfortably admit they don't understand
something and then it brings the whole team down as a result. With exception
of where I work now, the senior developers at all other large companies I've
worked at made you feel stupid for admitting you didn't understand. There's no
weakness in admitting you don't understand, but because of the way companies
these days throw words like Agile and lean around, it's no surprise people are
afraid to speak up when a company works in the form of 3 week sprints.

While it comes down to the volatile environments managers and senior
developers have created over the years, a bad economy doesn't exactly help
when it comes to admitting you don't understand something you were hired to do
either.

~~~
aquark
The best new hires we've brought on are the ones that jump in and ask for
explanations.

When explaining things to a new hire I already know they don't understand
everything, and I expect questions. Those questions help drive the discussion
further in a way that hopefully fits in better with their thought
process/learning style.

It is much more frustrating trying to explain things to people that just nod
and have to be continually questioned to try and find out what they actually
understand!

~~~
DigitalSea
I am glad to hear that. If only more companies would lead by example and
understand that just because you hired a Javascript or Python gun does not
mean they're going to be familiar or understand with the way your company
works, its methodologies or best practices immediately. Adjusting to a new
environment takes time, there will be questions. The issue seems to be like I
said, a lot of places I've worked at have made you feel stupid for asking
questions (at least the senior developers anyway), especially if said company
works fast and has adopted a methodology like Agile and SCRUM which can
sometimes cause a stressed and tense work environment when the sprint period
is coming to an end and things aren't going the way as planned.

I wouldn't exactly say I don't know what I am doing, but even I struggle just
like everyone else because I don't know everything and it's better to ask a
colleague who might than it is to search Google. Managers need to train their
staff to be more sympathetic and patient with new hires especially. Some
places (by the sounds of it like yours) have created a comfortable environment
where it's easy to ask for help and clarification, this is how it should be
everywhere.

------
rsaarelm
That the most experienced devs say this the most might not be just about
status games. You need to have a very solid shared background to be able to
jump to understanding something after the sort of short verbal explanation "I
don't understand" can be replied with.

If I go to an university lecture on advanced math, I won't understand things,
and can say so. But it's unlikely the lecturer can say anything in the span of
five minutes that will make me understand, since what would actually get me
close to understanding the content of that lecture are several semesters worth
of studies leading up to it.

The senior devs might be the only people on the room who do have such a solid
grasp of their stuff that they can fill in their understanding with just a few
minutes of explanation. Junior people don't understand either, but they might
need to work over the new thing for hours, not five minutes, to get a proper
handle on it, and you can't give an hours-long answer to someone who says they
don't understand.

~~~
rmccue
I've been in maths courses where this has occurred, and the lecturer's
response is usually to give a brief overview as a refresher, then point them
in the right direction to learn those prerequisite skills if they don't have
them. I think the same can be applied to programming, but if you don't ask at
all, you may never learn where to start.

------
hardik988
I've always used the words "I don't know". My mother kept telling me she hated
hearing those words. I can imagine that she was pissed that I didn't take a
guess, but guess what? I hate guessing! I hate making decisions and jumping to
conclusions based on partial knowledge.

Almost every environment I've been in - whether it be high-school or grad-
school, a corporate setup, a startup,; I've found that "I don't know"/"I
didn't get you" goes a long way. The other person in the picture usually goes
out of their way to make me understand what I'm missing.

~~~
jaggederest
I credit a large portion of my success in my chosen career to my ability to
say 'I don't know, but I can find out' in response to questions outside my
expertise.

------
ColinDabritz
One expression of this that I hear from newer devs (and clients) sometimes is
"Can't we just...?" and what it really means is "I don't understand", but in a
more socially safe way. If I address the question as if it were "what am I
missing that makes this seemingly simple solution not viable?" it usually
addresses the question and spreads better understanding. I also find that if
someone is having trouble understanding my design, it is only rarely a lack of
understanding on their part, and more often a lack of good design and good
communication of that design on my part. "I don't understand" is a cue to try
to make your architecture, design, and code more understandable.

~~~
magic_haze
I've been dealing with this exact experience the last couple of weeks, after
being asked to take ownership of a huge codebase. From what I've noticed
though, saying "I don't understand" usually triggers a more detailed
explanation of the existing design, leaving out the "why" part unanswered, and
ending with me still completely baffled. I've had to resort more often to
"Can't we just..." type questions, and while that elicits a more useful answer
that makes everything click into place, I'm afraid of looking like an asshole
who thinks he knows the answer to everything. Isn't there some compromise
between these two styles?

~~~
jacktoole1
I've been trying to use something closer to ColinDabritz's second wording:
"What am I missing that makes ____ unreasonable?" or "I don't understand why
____ wouldn't work". Phrasing it like this hopefully conveys both that I'm
aware that there's a gap in my understanding of the problem, not our solution
to the problem, but still elicits a response more directed at my particular
understanding. It's also easier for me to formulate what I don't understand as
"here's what seems obvious, why is the solution different?" than "I don't
understand this particular aspect", since I don't know the part of the
solution to ask about.

------
rmc
Socrates, the ancient Greek philosopher from 2,500 years aging said this.
"Wisest is he who knows he does not know".

And er, Donald Rumsfeld, when talking about unknown unknowns.

~~~
lloeki
"I don't understand" is to relate to "I don't know", of which something along
the lines of this is said:

 _"He who asks a question may look like a fool once, but he who keeps his
question to himself will stay a fool for the rest of his life."_

Result-driven teaching in our societies fuels the natural fear of failure and
of the look of your peers, when proper teaching should result in driving
curiosity through one's own recognition of not knowing something as being a
positive thing.

------
barbs
Totally agree. In fact, when I was working at my first programming job, I
realised I'd reached a milestone in competency when I could confidently say "I
don't understand" without fear of ridicule or feeling stupid or worrying about
slowing down the rest of the team.

------
eclipticplane
I've asked interviewees very difficult questions for this exact reason. I want
them to say "I don't understand" or "I don't know" rather than bullshit me an
answer. Of course, after saying "I don't know," I instruct them to elaborate
on how they would work out the solution -- co-workers? Google? Experiment?

------
azernik
There's an Israeli saying that encapsulates this effect exactly (if somewhat
abrasively): "Whoever asks, is stupid for a moment; whoever doesn't ask, stays
stupid forever."

------
delinka
I find that people not only have different views of The World, but also
different internal definitions and understandings of basic terminology. This
guy has the understanding that some assumption is implied in the
implementation of an algorithm. That guy has never assumed that was the case.
Both have tremendous amounts of experience in writing software systems (for
example.) I've seen this exact scenario cause dozens of minutes of superfluous
conversation because neither of them bothered to hear a detail that would
allow them to realize there was not a full understanding between them. To
address this case, my personal habit has become to listen carefully, consider
the very words being spoken, identify those little things that aren't clear,
have bred assumptions, or just plain don't make sense, and then interrupt ...
even if by the time my brain has done all this the speaker has moved on.

It's leagues better than working under the wrong assumptions for days, weeks,
months...

------
rsobers
It's so critical to foster a culture where "I don't understand" and (to risk
going off on a tangent) "I don't think that's right" is acceptable, even if
its an intern to a CEO.

Reminds me of The Checklist Manifesto which cites how OR nurses and doctors
who communicated best--they know each others names and nurses can tell doctors
"stop"--had fewer surgical errors.

------
sachingulaya
I started saying "I don't understand" years ago. A few very intelligent people
have looked at me like I'm an idiot when I've said it. Don't expect it to make
you look good in front of everyone.

------
damian2000
One thing that irks me is when you're given some sort of spec document and
just told by someone senior the equivalent to RTFM; no questions tolerated ...
you have to read and understand the document by yourself, and that's it.
That's happened a couple of times to me... and its totally unproductive.

~~~
babarock
I don't disagree with you but there's a fine limit between asking questions
and asking to be hand held.

And it also works the other way around: I cannot stand when a member of the
team is too afraid/shy/... to say "I don't understand". (I'm not blaming the
team mate as much as the work environment. Nevertheless it's still a very real
problem).

When I get out of a meeting with coworkers and they said they understood (or
implied it by not asking questions or saying "I don't understand") I really
need to trust they do, or else major problems lie ahead.

~~~
Evbn
What is wrong with hand holding? If someone never outgrows it, they may meet a
lower salary for being inefficient. If someone succeeds without it, it doesn't
happen. If someone needs it and doesn't get it, we spend twice as long
cleaning up mistakes. In any case, handholding itself is never the problem,
and avoiding it just masks more serious problems while regarding communication
and relationship building.

The office is not the place for chest thumping dominance displays and contests
of will.

~~~
j-kidd
If someone never outgrows it, it drags the whole team down by constantly
having to answer the most basic of questions.

------
MrVitaliy
My analysis professor used to say, if you state that some part of the proof is
trivial then it should be easy to just write it out. And when you have a hard
time writing it out or it takes too long, perhaps it's not trivial after all.

~~~
wnewman
There are subfields of programming that generate more than their share of
subtle gotchas, so that one should be particularly careful even when doing
many routine (aka "trivial") things. E.g., security, or multithreaded stuff.
From my single real analysis course way back when, I remember an impression
that real analysis was a subfield of math with a similar error-prone character
--- particularly easy to conclude something incorrect by stumbling over a
technicality (e.g. integrating before taking a limit instead of vice versa),
where the technicality is likely to be tricky to keep track of because the
cases where the technicality matters are so weird (e.g., carefully constructed
horrendously discontinuous functions).

Not all fields of programming or mathematics are as productive of fiddly
gotchas: often an experienced specialist can judge rather reliably that a
piece of work will be entirely routine, though time-consuming. I can only
appeal to my informal anecdotal impressions for this in programming, but in
mathematics I have some harder evidence: setting up machine-checkable proofs
in HOL Light. The prover won't let me get away with any hand-waving or
ambiguity: I really do have to dot every single i and cross every single t. In
the end, doing that is routine (though often very tedious and messy --- people
talk about spending a week to formalize a page of mathematics), and I am very
seldom surprised by a part of a proof that I expected to be tedious instead
turning out to require new insight.

------
avmich
Just last week I've practiced "I don't understand" again. Now I don't
particularly like jeopardizing my position at work, but looks like that
question wasn't met well. A manager running the meeting (plans for next year)
frowned upon a person who seems to be not understanding what he was talking
before. In retrospect, I might missed some explanations - didn't quite get
them at the time he gave them, possibly didn't pay enough attention - but that
was the reason for my question!

The matter was important to "get". Hard to say if the annoyance was
justified... but the result is this question may also backfire, even if it
shouldn't.

------
spdy
This should be promoted in any company. If you cant say it or its "not cool"
to ask these kind of questions get a new job.

It works against the biggest problem we all have miscommunication.

------
tibbon
I'm managing a project right now, and I've found that frequently if I don't
understand something, then saying this is indeed helpful. It felt silly the
first few times, as I'm supposed to know the hows and whys as the project
manager. But it offers me an opportunity to learn, and a few times has found
sections of code that weren't really understood by anybody (perhaps from prior
developers or cut/pasted from god knows where).

Great advice.

------
lilsunnybee
Background and what social class you came from play a very big role in this
too. While an upper class kid may feel perfectly entitled to say 'i don't
understand' in any situation, this behavior is often implicitly if not more
overtly discouraged for people from lower class backgrounds. When you say 'i
don't understand', the unspoken subtext is 'i don't understand: this is
important, and my understanding is definitely worth whatever time it takes for
you to explain it to me personally, regardless of whether anyone else is
having a problem or not'.

Equality among people academically and vocationally needs to be backed up by
strong support and activism for greater social and economic equality.
Otherwise trivial efforts to promote more participation are a farce, and
nothing is ever going to change.

------
d0m
I used to say _I'm always right because when I'm not I say it (or I admit I'm
not sure)_. It came out as being arrogant so I stopped using it publicly. But
it's true. When I'm not perfectly sure, I never act like so. I'm only
comfortable arguing back when I'm _totally_ sure, i.e. can point to the right
explanation in a book or something similar. Friends find it a bit annoying..
because whenever they ask a question, I'm rarely comfortable answering _yes_
or _no_.. it's always, _well, it depends_ ;)

------
marquis
Living in a country where you're learning the language is a good way to get
used to saying 'I don't understand'. When I was really bad at the language I
just often sat there and hoped someone would translate for me but as my
confidence increased I was able to say 'Can you rephrase that for me' or 'I
don't get the cultural reference'. Now I love asking questions, as so much
extra knowledge comes with it and you can get people to go off on wonderful
tangents.

------
Bockit
I agree very strongly with the sentiment of the article, and would like to add
that I think the flipped side of the "I don't understand" is just as
important.

I.e., You're trying to explain something and someone doesn't understand, you
should be patient with the person. I don't think it's always (or even greater
than 50%) the case, but enough times after finding out what the lynchpin of
understanding was there are ways I could have improved my first explanation.

~~~
gordaco
And sometimes, while searching for a better explanation, you gain a little
extra insight on the topic.

------
hayksaakian
With all the emphasis on confidence in modern culture, its dishonest to say
you should in general admit you don't understand something.

In a negotiation for example, if you admit you dont understand something, the
other party can use that factor to take advantage of you.

It also hurts your credibility in front of a wider audience when giving a
speech for example.

While I do think being humble should be respected, modern culture will look
down on those who admit they don't understand.

------
thewisedude
There are multiple levels in which I agree with the above sentiment. Some of
my teachers had these quotations to encourage questions!

1) If you say you dont understand, you may appear to be a fool for a few
minutes, if you pretend to understand (while you dont)... you are a fool for
life.

2) To learn something knew, you have to set your ego(pretending to know lest
you appear ignorant) aside and start humbly with basics.

------
lizzard
I would often do this in class (or at work, in meetings) either because I
really didn't understand, or because I could tell a bunch of others didn't.
But it is fine to phrase it something not being clear, asking if they can try
to explain a different way to make it more clear, or trying to rephrase
whatever it is myself.

------
leemor13
Creating a culture where asking questions and identifying when one doesn't
understand something is what we strive for, but there still seems to be a
stigmatism when one expresses their confusion.

How do we create an environment where one doesn't feel it's wrong to ask for
clarification without being subject to "looking stupid"?

~~~
bc4m
I like to think most people in our field are naturally curious, so make sure
your environment doesn't stifle that attitude. Hold group learning sessions
for new technologies, code reviews, and so forth. As a senior explicitly seek
out advice and explanations from newer colleagues even if you can figure it
out on your own. Hopefully they'll end up feeling comfortable doing the same.

------
alan_cx
"I don't know" shouldn't be feared either.

~~~
11001
Unless you are supposed to know it.

~~~
joshuacc
_Especially_ if you are supposed to know it. Saying, "I don't know" is one of
the best ways to learn it.

~~~
lostlogin
I agree with both side of this. Having someone ask me to explain the same
thing multiple times per week, and most recently asking where my answer is
written down for everyone to see is frustrating (not written down because it
is basic knowledge that underpins everything we do, and we all hold a
qualification that says we know this stuff, if he wasn't to remember, he can
write it down). Basic workflow issues and understanding of problems that have
never been considered by this person lead to everyone else getting irritated.
All sorts of things have been tried. Workplace tutorials, performance
appraisals, direct conversation, indirect conversation, mentoring, keeping a
note book of problems and solutions. Untrainable, as this person has an
unwillingness to acknowledge a need to learn.

------
asimjalis
As an instructor I have the opposite problem. How can I encourage students to
say “I don’t understand”?

~~~
ihsw
Make a personal plea at the beginning of your semester stating that it's okay
to say "I don't understand," and that even instructors say that often enough.

Make it clear that struggling is a perfectly normal factor of life -- in fact
one could argue that intelligence is a measurement of someone's history of
struggling.

One could even go so far that the top 5% of any class are simply people who
have 'struggled' the most, or more to the point people who have stumbled (and
overcome it) the most.

Here is an excellent article researching teaching methods in Japan:

[http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/11/12/164793058/struggl...](http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/11/12/164793058/struggle-
for-smarts-how-eastern-and-western-cultures-tackle-learning)

------
shanellem
I really liked this article, but I think the very best devs are the ones who
admit they don't understand and then ask specific, intelligent questions.

Anyway, admitting you don't fully understand something is the first step to
fully understanding it. Great article!

------
dpcan
I hope this isn't the case. I've been sure to speak up when I don't understand
since the beginning. Don't people appreciate it when you want to make sure you
get it right the first time?

------
gculliss
Reminds me of the Dunning-Kruger effect.
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect>

------
jamesjyu
Also, people who never say "I don't understand" will never get explanations of
concepts they don't understand. The more you say this phrase, the faster
you'll learn.

------
dennish00a
The same is true of scientists: the best among them say "I don't know" or "I
don't understand" _all the time_.

------
malingo
Expressing vulnerability requires a great deal of maturity, and is well-
rewarded.

------
drivebyacct2
I speak up and protest when I don't understand. I "fight" back and challenge
the logic of code|process|etc when I disagree. I don't do these things out of
disrespect or because I think I'm "that smart". I do it because I _need_ to
understand and I don't. So I pick at it until I have a complete understanding.
(Sometimes this is "Because." and I can accept that)

This also has the nice side effect of bringing a different perspective to an
existing problem. It's a habit that has left several managers going "wow, you
sure know what's going on, or you found problems that we'd not considered". I
just shrug and reply honestly, "I'm just trying to understand."

It's of course also invaluable advice for students of any ages.

------
vishalsankhla
Well said, plus this gives the person a chance to think through more of their
idea and explain it in more detail. Lot of times developers simply "assume"
that other people get it, while that may not be the case.

