
Wanted: Ninja Rockstar Code Monkey Hacker Unicorn - gandalfar
https://rkoutnik.com/2016/04/29/Wanted-Ninja-Rockstar-Code-Monkey-Hacker-Unicorn.html
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stephanfroede
Job Ad Title: Warp Engineer with at least 5years hands-on needed

You should have a solid knowledge of operating Planck length structures.

N-Dimensional and Indeterministic Modelling are mandatory.

Apply fast, ship will leave earth within the next 2 weeks.

~~~
blantonl
I have 5 year of OS/2 Warp experience. Does that count?

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robotmlg
I'm betting "Yes you’ll get all the usual benefits, but if you’re really going
for perks, Google is your best bet! If you want to make an impact, then please
apply." and "We’ll have a large variety of alcohol in the office as well as an
assortment of video games for the perfect frat environment" are the two
sentences from real job descriptions

~~~
DKnoll
Does the idea of beer and video games in the office really bother anyone?
Sounds great to me...

~~~
pyvpx
wouldn't you rather do that at home? or outside the office, at least? but
since you're working 60 or more hours a week, I guess in the office is the
only opportunity...

~~~
throwaway2016a
30-something with kid here...

I enjoy cracking open a beer and playing some foosball with my team members
before going home. I don't get to go to meetups as much as I used to and it's
a good chance to socialize.

Also, as a manager it helps me keep my pulse on things. People open up after a
beer. Foosball has become a problem... I've gotten really good and sometimes
it takes some coaxing to get people to play... "hey, if you don't play you
can't get better"

~~~
DKnoll
I doubt it's just the beer, associating with your subordinates 'outside' work
as a peer when nobody is being paid is good leadership and earns you trust and
respect.

~~~
throwaway2016a
Yeah, I wasn't really saying it in a "alcohol loosens you up sort of way"...
no one really gets too buzzed on one beer. More of a camaraderie sort of way.

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recentdarkness
Must have "White" \- W T F? Are you serious?

Edit: Not that 'Male' is any better...

Edit2: I came to the link without context - That was the first thing that shot
in my eyes and I didn't realize that this actually wasn't a real job thing.
You got me there -.-' Not meant to be trolling ;)

~~~
dsjoerg
you are either an expert troll or...

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jgh
I read the linked article on Implementers, Problem Solvers, and Problem
Finders. I think that, given that the job market is very much on the side of
programmers, that people need to be more choosy with what they take. You
usually know going into it what you're going to be working on and what kind of
company it is. Applying for an iOS job at a place that sells dog toys? I bet
you're not going to be feeling like you're using your creative side...

~~~
vonmoltke
> given that the job market is very much on the side of programmers

I think this is seriously oversold. Outside of the Valley, or outside of
certain skillsets, the market is not on the side of programmers.

~~~
amyjess
This.

I got laid off a few months ago. All in all, I was unemployed for about three
months before landing a new position.

Whenever I checked Indeed or Monster, I saw lots of positions that required
extensive J2EE or .NET skills, plus a bunch of webdev and a handful of mobile
jobs. None of those I have. I have lots of Java experience, sure, but it's all
core Java and thoroughly divorced from the web. I was passed up for some jobs
I thought I was going to get because the internal recruiters were really
excited about me only to get shot down by the hiring manager because I had no
webdev background.

My background is half in core Java and half in Linux platform and Python
development; almost nobody in Dallas wants either. And, no I'm not interested
in leaving Dallas, and even if I was, I certainly wouldn't move to the Valley.
If I ever set foot in California at all, it'd be SoCal.

What finally saved me was when an old friend of mine found a position open at
his company and put in a good word for me. I got lucky. If not for him, I'd be
staring down another two-year period of unemployment like I had in 2010-2012.

~~~
TeMPOraL
Yeah. Two aspects of that:

\- there's a shit ton of programmers on the market now, with universities
producing more and more like sausage factories

\- the job market is getting super-specialized - once they'd ask for
JavaScript programmers, now they ask exclusively for "Angular experience" or
"React experience" or "$random_two_weeks_old_framework experience"; whether
demanding such specific skillsets buy companies anything over asking for just
a $language programmer is arguable

~~~
amyjess
> the job market is getting super-specialized - once they'd ask for JavaScript
> programmers, now they ask exclusively for "Angular experience" or "React
> experience" or "$random_two_weeks_old_framework experience"; whether
> demanding such specific skillsets buy companies anything over asking for
> just a $language programmer is arguable

Honestly, this just aggravates me so much. I'd like to learn some of these
technologies! But, no, even though I'm a solid programmer and I have a history
of picking up new things as they get thrown at me at a company I'm already
working at, nobody wants me if I don't already have a lot of experience with
that one specific library under my belt.

Also, on a similar note, I've noticed this being done with IBM software for
years. So many job descriptions I've had to pass on because they want specific
experience with WebSphere and other software. I've seen this as early as
2010...

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bluejekyll
> We practice HN-driven-development

Brilliant.

~~~
avckp
What is HN-driven-development?

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kentt
I'm guessing writing with whatever is most exciting eg Rust, Go, Phoenix, ml,
etc.

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thefastlane
.... who's single, willling to be paid in options rather than a market-rate
salary, and will work long hours because they truly believe in our mission of
$RANDOM_BS_NARRATIVE

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nfriedly
I'm almost afraid to ask which two sentences came from real job descriptions..

~~~
amyjess
I'm guessing this is one of them:

> Yes you’ll get all the usual benefits, but if you’re really going for perks,
> Google is your best bet! If you want to make an impact, then please apply.

~~~
daw___
Yep.

Here:
[https://www.codeeval.com/company/EmailCherry/](https://www.codeeval.com/company/EmailCherry/)

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jrs235
"We’ll offer the low end of the range, citing lack of experience with some
framework that hasn’t left beta." and because, ah, you're self taught.

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thecolorblue
> Unshakable confidence due to the Dunning-Kruger effect

This is my favorite line.

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juandazapata
This made me smile, and then I felt bad because it's true.

~~~
venomsnake
That scarily describes a startup I am involved with.

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francusant
Must haves:

White Male

Haha! I see a law suit on its way! :)

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agounaris
Forgot around 30s :D

~~~
recentdarkness
No, early Twenties with 15 Years of experience in the 'field'

