

Ask HN: how can I practice negotiation? - Stuk

With all this talk about negotiating salaries and benefits I've realised that I could do with some practice.<p>How would you recommend getting some negotiating experience? Additionally, are there any books you would recommend?
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rdoherty
Practice by negotiating every day on small things. Someone wants to schedule a
meeting at 3? Push for another time. Buying new tires for your car? Ask for a
discount, say you won't pay more than X.

That's how I've improved my negotiating skills. Start small, build confidence,
learn how to deal with hearing 'No'. Everything is negotiable.

~~~
zdw
Part of negotiating is making tradeoffs... give something, and get what you
want in return.

For example, if you and someone else are going to lunch and want to go to
different places, offer to buy them dessert or something to go to the place
you want. They get something, you get something.

Just being pushy can backfire - you might get what you want initially, but the
social problems it may create might have negative results.

~~~
runjake
Great advice. People who negotiate for the sake of negotiating, without that
give are highly annoying and soon will get themselves on the "avoid" list.

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kovar
Go buy a car. Go buy a lot of cars. Go buy a car while pretending to be broke.
Go buy another one while thinking you've got a million in cash in the bank.
Buy a used car. Buy a new car. (I don't feel bad about consuming car
salespeople's time...)

Go to a market in Italy and try to buy anything without haggling. They can
negotiate the price of a $10 necklace.

Go to a flea market and find something you want. Try to get a lower price.

~~~
MikeHo
I was going to suggest going to a car lot and offering a price of -%15 of
asking price provided the vehicle is between $30,000 - $50,000.

However, an offer although verbal, is legally binding, and should the sales
person accept the offer... trouble can arise.

~~~
SHOwnsYou
This is completely false. The value of a verbal contract cannot exceed $500.

The sales person may try to pressure you into going through with the deal by
telling you the contract is binding, but no court in the world would make you
pay ~30k for a car just based on you saying you wanted it.

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andrewstuart
I negotiate deals pretty much every day. Here is the best book I ever read on
negotiation <http://amzn.to/ggXkLl>

For me, the key to negotiation is to try to get to a fair deal for everyone,
not a deal in which someone wins and someone loses. Ask everyone involved what
they want out of the deal, what they think would be a fair outcome. Where
there is a gap between what the parties want, ask each party how far they are
willing to move.

Don't do deals that are unbalanced or unfair because the deal falls apart a
bit further down the track leaving people feeling annoyed, angry, let down,
ripped off.

Remember if the parties are too far apart on what they want then probably
there is no deal to be done. Just let it go - no deal, move on and do business
somewhere else.

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idlewords
Get married

~~~
Chocobean
Not as idle a comment as it would seem. In a marriage, the stakes are high,
the "opponent" is someone you know well, and the difficulty can increase
faster than in the "outside" world where civility is still maintained even
when upset. The pay-offs are also much greater when you succeed.

Alternatively, negotiate with family members.

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anthonyb
Might be a bit off the wall, but playing strategy games has helped my
negotiation skills fairly substantially. Anything where you sit down and
hammer out alliances/agreements with other players, so Diplomacy (both face-
to-face and online), Settlers (face-to-face; online tends to be a bit boring)
and other more hard core ones like Olympia and Atlantis.

Alternatively, head down to your local markets around closing time :)

~~~
jamesteow
I don't think that's an off the wall idea but I haven't felt my negotiation
skills improved from that. With games, there is less on the line so I'm more
inclined to push back as well as have far less hesitation to walk away from a
deal.

~~~
anthonyb
Depends on the game, how seriously you take it and how seriously the other
players take it. Some of the play by email games that I've played in run for
more than 12 months (with weekly turns), and the negotiations over borders,
terms and conditions put the Cold War to shame.

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dreamux
If you're looking for a book on the subject, try: [http://www.amazon.com/You-
Negotiate-Anything-Herb-Cohen/dp/0...](http://www.amazon.com/You-Negotiate-
Anything-Herb-Cohen/dp/0553281097/)

You Can Negotiate Anything is a classic, and very inexpensive investment
considering the upside.

I can't give you any advice that you won't find in this book.

Good luck.

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jerrykern
If you can get some people to play with you, both Northwestern University
(through the Dispute Resolution Research Center), and Harvard (through their
HBR cases) have negotiation scenario games that teach specific, learnable
skills. Totally worth the effort, but it'll cost you to buy the cases. Both
use those tools in teaching MBA negotiation classes.

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anigbrowl
I'll give you a full answer for $10. In the meantime, try this:
[http://changingminds.org/disciplines/negotiation/tactics/tac...](http://changingminds.org/disciplines/negotiation/tactics/tactics.htm)

~~~
pbhjpbhj
The value in you giving an answer resides with you, you should pay me the $10
and give us the answer. You win in karma and self-discovery.

Don't waste time thinking about it, you don't have much time in which to
maximise your karma. Step on it!

The opposite sex will find you more attractive and you'll be healthier and
more fulfilled if you give me the money ....

~~~
anigbrowl
I think this is an important demonstration of the need to research your
negotiating partner. Not only do I have more karma than I know how to use (or
a way to use it); more importantly, I'm already married so it's important for
me to avoid publicly increasing my attractiveness. Which is, of course,
already overwhelming.

~~~
pbhjpbhj
You think you have enough karma, your wife assures you it's not an issue but
really she's sneaking a peak at the guy next door with those few extra points
... in studies 95% of women said online karma scores were as important to them
as looks.

Be the man you always wanted to be.

But wait, that's not all ...

Send the money know and get an authenticate certified "Mighty Man of
HackerNews Award", hurry awards are limited! Awards independently valued at
$250 USD, that's right, you'd have to be an idiot to miss out on an offer like
this. Act now!

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MikeHo
Learn negotiation and make $ while your at it ...

Go on craigslist, search for a hot turn over market such as blackberries or
iphones -- most people have their contact # on the actual ad.

Shoot them an offer of 15% below lowest listed price to market median .. i.e
blackberry 9700, 175 - 200 - 225 - shoot them an offer of $150-160 -- if you
get it great, resell for $200/225.

Repeat with any high turnover product you're comfortable with on the pricing..
its a good foundation for real-life negotiation practices.

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balbaugh
Signing up for a mediation course through your local legal system would offer
you both hands on experience and a chance to build a lucrative side business
as a mediator. It would take some time and effort but with the overburdened
dockets most judges are dealing with the push for pre trial mediation is
growing as is the need for mediators.

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anubhavgupta89
Theres a book i read 'What they dont teach you at harvard" heres the link
[http://www.amazon.com/What-Teach-Harvard-Business-
School/dp/...](http://www.amazon.com/What-Teach-Harvard-Business-
School/dp/0553345834) Read this one for sure...its like a negotiation and deal
making manual

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jchonphoenix
Actually this is kind of mean and will probably be downvoted, but the way I
found best to practice negotiations were in job offers.

Over the last year, I racked up job offers and had to negotiate them, which
gave me practice and made me realize I had room to improve.

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siculars
Go to a bar or other public venue. Pick up chicks. Or guys. Whatever gets you
going. Rinse, repeat.

~~~
rewind
This is not negotiating (unless you're paying for the person you're taking
home). I can't remember ever negotiating to get someone to go on a date with
me. There is definitely a two-way process/interaction going on, but I don't
think it's anything like negotiation.

~~~
JonnieCache
I would argue that there are a lot of the same things going on, just
abstracted away several times through layers of misdirection and hidden
meanings.

Different for different people I guess.

~~~
rewind
I could go work at an amazing company and they could be really happy to have
me, but we'll never both have the same idea about an ideal outcome. I'll want
more and they'll want to give me less. I think that's more what negotiating is
about, i.e. giving up something you don't want to so you can come to an
agreement.

If you're chasing guys/girls, you're really just working towards a common goal
with pretty much the same desired outcome (whether it be coffee, dinner, sex,
whatever). One party is rarely giving something up in order to make the other
person want to come to an agreement. That usually comes later in the
relationship ;-)

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rabidonrails
Negotiation Genius - best book out there and a good read.

[http://www.amazon.com/Negotiation-Genius-Obstacles-
Brilliant...](http://www.amazon.com/Negotiation-Genius-Obstacles-Brilliant-
Bargaining/dp/055380488X)

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joeld42
Go to a flea market and haggle. It's fun.

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ssebro
Get a kid. Seriously.

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Mz
_Getting to Yes_ and _Mind and heart of the negotiator_ were required texts
for the college class I took on _Negotiation and Conflict Management_. IIRC,
they are both research-based. The first is a quick read, the second is a lot
meatier.

[http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Heart-Negotiator-Leigh-
Thompson/d...](http://www.amazon.com/Mind-Heart-Negotiator-Leigh-
Thompson/dp/0131742272/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1302739545&sr=1-1)

The class is available online via CSU-Bakersfield if you care to spend some
mulah and a few months on it. When I took it (a zillion years ago, not
terribly long after my pet dinosaur and rotary phone went extinct), we did a
round of practice negotiations towards the end of class. It was awesome. I
have no idea if it has changed any.

Peace.

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WasabiVentures
get married... the entire institution is negotiation.

