
Ask HN: How to tell a good friend you don't want to include him in your startup? - sueddie
What if you have a good friend, but you do not want to include him in your startup.
Because you usually have technical disagreements, because he is a control freak, because you don&#x27;t like  his work ethic, because he is used to being your manager.
But you do want to include other joint friends...
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davismwfl
Not to be a dick, but just man/woman up. Tell him/her that sorry, I just don't
think we'd make good partners right now and (if true) I'd rather preserve our
friendship. If it is true tell them the friendship is more important then a
business that may or may not make it, and frankly you don't think the two of
you would make a successful business together right now.

If they don't grasp that they are a pretty fair weather friend to begin with
so don't loose sleep and get your business moving.

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skylark
I don't think this advice is "dickish" at all - it's really the only way
forward. If anything, passive aggressively boxing your friend out of the
business because you're afraid of tackling the situation head on is the dick
move.

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boniface316
One of the biggest reason my startup failed was I included friends who didn't
bring value. We kept in the group because he was a good friend, when it came
to delivery, he was bad.

Once the business started to fail, we started to fight between each other. We
lost our friendship and the business. If I could go back in time, I would have
had this chat with him.

On the other side, I talked to a friend of mine who is running a successful
business in Toronto. He started his business when I was his room mate in
university. I was very bitter that he didn't include me as his business
partner. His answers were that I didn't bring value to his business. I am glad
he did that, because we are still friends and he is willing to help me with
whatever business I start in the future.

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AnimalMuppet
I might say, "I don't think I can do a startup with you and still maintain our
friendship. And I'd rather be your friend." (Without telling him/her _why_ you
can't do a startup and still be their friend...)

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sueddie
nice. i'm sure i have heard this one before ('a startup' => :sex)

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meric
Yeah maybe propose doing something else with him, that you'd _want_ to do.
Maybe he's really great tennis partner or something and you enjoy playing
tennis, then you could do that with him instead. That's if you're close to him
though. If it's my close friend and I'm in this situation, and my friend feels
excluded, I'd assure him with: "I play tennis with _you_ , but not with any of
the other guys. You are an important friend to me".

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lsiebert
"You are a good friend, but I need people who can follow my lead, and I'd
never say you are a follower."

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webmaven
Damn, that one's _good_.

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bbcbasic
Yeah it's like something from how to win friends and influence people

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mod
I've had this problem with my family. I own a brick & mortar business with my
brother, and I am a developer. I built a side-project that he was part of and
he failed to do his part, and it is just sitting, stagnating at this point.

He has more ideas he wants to pursue and I'm unwilling, due to his role in the
first.

But because I have an ongoing partnership in the b&m business, it's hard to be
fully forthcoming about not wanting to work with him.

My situation is different in that I'm not going ahead with the idea without
him. Mostly I've just put off working with him again and he hasn't been too
persistent about getting started on anything.

Even still, if I were faced with the conversation of "why don't you want me to
be a part of this?," I would tell him exactly why. He wasn't a good co-founder
in the past, I don't expect he will be this time either, and I'm not prepared
to risk another business on him.

I would tell your "good friend" that you don't enjoy working with him, even
though you like him, and that you won't be including him.

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MalcolmDiggs
When a friend wants to start a business with me, I just tell them my rule:

I don't work with friends, and I don't make friends at work. I keep those two
areas of my life completely separate.

The benefits are: you can make whatever business-decisions are prudent without
worrying about upsetting a friendship, and you can make whatever friendship
decisions you want without worrying about how it effects your business.

I have a similar mantra for business & family, never mixing the two.

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saluki
How valuable is your other friend to the startup? It might be easier to start
this on your own without including any friends in the same circle.

It's always going to be awkward if you're talking about how great your startup
is going and he got left out.

Keep business separate from your friendships.

Businesses are a lot easier to find than a good group of friends.

Most startups fail, friendships can easily be forever. Don't mix them if you
think it's going to be trouble from the start.

Good luck with your startup and keeping your circle of friends together.

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mbrodersen
I lost a good friend because I included him in my startup and it didn't work
out. So simply say that you don't want to risk loosing him as a friend.

