

Ask HN: Exercises to overcome learned helplessness? - codex

I had a very controlled childhood.  I coped, but my old habits are hurting me as an adult.  How can I overcome the phenomenon of "learned helplessness" and use my will again?
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ippisl
[http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-
Mind/dp/1...](http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-
Mind/dp/1400078393/ref=pd_sim_b_2)

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teddytruong7
I just read the book "Way of the Peaceful Warrior". It was a good read. But
for your issue, I would take a piece of paper, write down your old habits,
then to the very right of them, right down the NEW habits that you wish to
overwrite the old habits that you have now. Don't give into your old habits,
replace them with new ones.

Then, only focus on the new habits. Don't think back to the past of your old
habits. Even more than that, just focus on PRACTICING these new habits. By
doing this, you will reinforce your new habits until you essentially forget
how to perform those old ones.

In sports, good coaches fix problems with technique (since all of it is
habitual motions) by telling their students to do something NEW. They don't
tell them to fix this or that. Telling their student to do something new is
more constructive than trying to tell them to fix something that already has
some flaws to it.

Good luck!

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gcheong
Learning and practicing mindfulness in the framework of a cognitive therapy
called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT for short) has been the most
useful approach that I have found so far. What it teaches you is that while
you may not have complete control over your thoughts and feelings, you do have
control over how you respond to them. A good starting place is the book "The
Happiness Trap" by Dr. Russ Harris.

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jcarden
Get an accountability partner. I'll help you.

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Mz
1) Set goals.

2) When you aren't getting there (or not in a timely manner or what not),
analyze why.

3) If possible, find a good sounding board,* someone who will listen to you
but not try to fix your shit for you, instead will ask you things like "now
what are you gonna do about it?"

4) Use that as a means to figure out the next step and take it.

5) Iterate.

*Sounding board: Someone who will listen and help you think things through and get clarity. They shouldn't be too touchy-feely sympathetic. You don't need a shoulder to cry on. That is not their role. You need constructive feedback from someone who doesn't care if it hurts but also isn't intentionally cruel, just blunt and lets the chips fall where they may.

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unwantedLetters
An article on what learned blankness (or helplessness) is about:
<http://lesswrong.com/lw/5a9/learned_blankness/>

