

Ask HN: Two VC pitch videos. Which one is better? - LanceJ

We're just about to launch our new startup, Page99Test.com, and we're submitting an application to a startup competition. If our application gets their attention, we'll be invited to pitch to VCs.<p>We'd really like to get invited to pitch. But getting that invitation will depend on submitting a great demo/commercial that explains our solution to our customers.<p>That's where we need your help, please.<p>Can you go to http://page99test.wordpress.com/2010/09/25/we-need-your-opinion-on-2-demos-for-vc-pitch-contest/. You'll find two 2-minute videos there.<p>Please watch the videos and tell us which you prefer. It'd be great to hear WHY you prefer the one you do, too --- or any other tips you might have for us.<p>Much appreciated, 
Lance, Steven &#38; Joanna at Page99Test
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photon_off
You definitely need to randomly decide the order of the videos if you want
this at all to be a "fair" poll. Most people are going to pick the first one
they watch because since they already know what the content is going to be,
and already have the image of the product "branded" in their mind, the second
video will be both boring and dissonant [1]. They won't be able to wait for it
to just get to the point, and they won't be as comfortable with the different
image of it. For even better accuracy, you could try showing people only 1
video, and having them rate it from 1-10 on a just a few questions, then
compare the results.

My personal preference was for #2, which I happened to watch first. I liked
the music, and every frame got me more and more interested in the next. The
theme of "the world has you up against a wall... no here's the solution"
resonated very well with me, and I think it's just the right approach to take
with writers. It was entertaining, the music was catchy, and after it
thoroughly explained the problem, it showed the glorious solution of test99.
The flow of it was really awesome, it was well-scripted, cute, funny, just
great. Really, I actually enjoyed it. It explains the problem brilliantly,
even if you're not familiar with the domain of publishing, and explains how
test99 is a great solutions. The attitude is generally pretty "kick-ass". I
think it would work well with VCs.

The second video I watched (video #1), I found to be boring, and extremely
trite. It seemed like a poorly done and unimpressive Apple commercial. I just
couldn't stomach it after awhile. I quit a few seconds after seeing "step 1 --
start an account" and the user going really, really slow. I understood where
it was going from there: "Here's how you use this, step by step, you fool!
We'll go extra slow so you can follow." I could see the appeal of this video
for people who want to be feel "comforted" with a product and have a slow
attention span, as opposed to people who have drive and ambition and want to
break ranks quickly and fairly (that is completely video #2). Which would you
classify aspiring writers as?

Video #1 isn't as terrible as I make it out to be. Both videos get the product
pitch across quite nicely. But, I'd have to go with #2, all the way. It
explains the problem (possibly for too long), makes me believe the problem is
really a huge problem that is unfair and that needs to be corrected, then
shows your product at the climax, and gives a brief enough description of it
for me to want to try immediately.

Either way, I _strongly_ suggest doing this in a more controlled manner if you
plan to make a decision from the polls. And, great work so far. This product
seems awesome, and I'm quite excited for you.

[1] <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance>

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Scott_MacGregor
You did a real good job with both videos creative wise, and for video 1 sales
wise. It was not what I was expecting, but the first class production
definitely caught my attention, enough that number 1 would persuade me to want
to find out more about the team and product.

I like video number 1 better. For me, the word choices of number 2 are not
nearly as hard hitting as number 1. Also for number 2 the color and music
seems less effective than number 1.

I think number 1 presents a definite "Google" feel to the presentation, and I
think that is a positive for you guys.

If the presentation were being done only for me personally I would like 2
things to be altered.

1\. Insert a quick opening from the company CEO showing the CEO, and saying
"Hi I'm X, and we have developed this new product, and here it is, etc...".

2\. Just a little slower presentation of each series of written words. Because
for a new unknown product the features panned by just a little too quickly for
me to get a good overview of exactly what the product does. Although number 1
seemed interesting enough to me to replay it to get the information I wanted
from it.

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revorad
I don't like either of them, but I'm not a VC! I find the following things
annoying and distracting: repetitive music, fast moving text, text keeps
moving around the screen so it's hard to read.

For some reason, I felt stressed watching the video, really having to focus
hard to find out your core message. I think a simple narration with the
website itself in the video would be a lot more effective in getting your
point across.

[Edit]: As per the YC app guideline, I'd at least do away with the whole
suspense building and state the idea clearly in the first 10 seconds.

There was a really good mixergy interview where a top entrepreneur gave very
good step-by-step tips on how to pitch to a VC. But I can't remember who it
was! If you have time, it might be worth emailing Andrew Warner or searching
through the site.

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mgkimsal
Didn't like the music on #2 - too aggressive. Music from first was less 'in
your face'.

Both could stand to be a bit shorter, imv. The 'setup' phase is a bit too
long, and I don't see enough of what the feedback process is to help improve
my writing.

Also, I think the 'improve your writing, connect with readers, self publish'
angle should be pushed more than 'have agents clamoring at your door to
publish you'. The notion of being 'published' is going out of style some, and
you have an opp to stand as an agent of change for the self-published and
indie publishing revolutions.

Good luck.

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jdee
Just from experience, I'd really suggest getting a pro voiceover done. Text on
these kind of videos should be minimal, the same advice people give for
powerpoints. People just dont read or pay attention. Get a pro voiceover for
less that $100, it really makes a difference. I make these videos so am kind
of speaking from experience. examples of my work <http://vimeo.com/7982259>
<http://vimeo.com/3313085> <http://vimeo.com/9131485>

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mgkimsal
Clickable:

[http://page99test.wordpress.com/2010/09/25/we-need-your-
opin...](http://page99test.wordpress.com/2010/09/25/we-need-your-opinion-
on-2-demos-for-vc-pitch-contest/)

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rksprst
I like the first video better, it gets to the point and explains the value to
the writer. With the second one, you're almost putting words in my mouth. I
might not agree that I'm scared of that question.

What I would change is to show the value prop you offer to the agents and
publishers better. I'm sure they get enough good authors and manuscripts sent
to them, why would they take their time to browse your site? I'm not sure if
they would consider top-rated content on a website as pre-screened enough for
them.

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frossie
I prefer the first one because it gets to the point a hell of a lot faster.

The second one is not without its charms, but it doesn't seem like pitch
material to me.

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nikhilalmeida
Both video are undoubtedly nice, but I would still prefer the first one as it
gets to the point without beating around the bush. But the slides still seem
to run a little too fast. You would want to slow it down a notch. The live
demo parts like creating an account did not make much sense to show. You can
just list the 3 easy steps on 3 screens. Nice music. Would like to know the
source

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ashleyreddy
I like the 1st video. I would move the value prop to the beginning.
"Introducing a new way... What did you use to make it? Good Luck.

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arn
like apparently 90% of folk, I liked the first one. Which speaks well as a VC
pitch. I would be curious to see if you limited the audience to writers... how
they would perform. Is the first one just more approachable to the HN/tech
crowd?

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jarsj
You lost me in the first 30 seconds in both the video.

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bvi
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