
Why current social technologies might be keeping us from truly connecting - alex_lod
https://medium.com/social-design-1/54b648626523
======
speeder
I am very worried about this actually...

Today I was thinking about it, also about distractions, wasted time, and not
enough time really idle.

I noticed that recently I am always using my smartphone, to read news, HN,
Facebook or exchange messages...

Yet, my productivity is not good as I want, I manage to get bored on the
internet, and the news don't really add anything useful on my life.

And regarding social connections specifically, the only person I see is my SO,
the last time I visited a friend is about 10 months.

And the last time I spend more than one day with a friend, is about 10 years
ago.

Today, after thinking about all this, I tried to not read news... It was
really, really, really hard, and only lasted well for about 4 hours.

Then when I was going to drink some coffee, I forgot my cellphone, and as I
sat on the table and tried to grab it, I felt VERY anxious and weird.

And I don't remember this happening in 2011 (when I still owned a internet-
less "dumbphone").

I am deeply worried, and I dunno what to do, I want to be able to "waste" time
idle, to let my mind think about interesting things, I already have a very
vast amount of knowledge (since I learned to read at age of 3 I became a avid
reader, my hobby in childhood was read paperback encyclopedias and
dictionaries, also I could read popular scientific magazines in one day or
two), but I feel I cannot do anything about it, because I am 100% of the time
busy, when I am not working I am on Facebook, or cellphone messages, or some
news site, or a forum... I am thus with my brain busy so much that there is no
time to come up with something new, even work-related ideas usually I have
when walking home (I don't dare flashing a smartphone here in Brazil, that is
a quick way to get killed) or when I am using the shower (for obvious reasons,
I cannot use a smartphone while on the shower).

~~~
ashwinaj
I totally agree. All this "connectedness" is BS, there is no substitute for
meeting someone in real. It's a massive problem in the western world where
there are loose family/friend connections in the first place, and on top of
all this these "social" networks make relationships even worse. Honestly, how
many of us really know their friends/neighbors anymore? And I'm not talking
about small talk...

------
grimtrigger
I don't use social networks (unless you consider HN & reddit) but I think this
article is way off the mark. This is especially obvious in immigrant
communities where families in different countries exchange photos through
facebook. My mom grew up in a small village in India and now talks to her
elementary school friend online... thats pretty cool!

The author's argument seems to be "facebook is not a substitute for real
social interaction", to which I can only say "duh!". I don't know a single
person making that claim.

There's a lot of potential gripes with facebook, but I think the author got
started with a clunky analogy and tried to make the article fit it.

~~~
fragmede
HN and Reddit are _prime_ examples of a social network - and one that could
_only_ exist due to our technology. They're also a prime example of technology
degrading connection to another human. Consider if we were having this
conversation in person, there'd be more "real social interaction", and I'd be
forced to note you as an individual, probably recognize if I met you again,
and you'd be more to me than an 11 character username that doesn't consider HN
and Reddit social networks, for better or worse.

Due to the limited format here, I don't even know if I've 'met' you before,
nor if we have 'friends' in common - to jog my memory of where we may have met
before, whereas Facebook at least gives me mutual friends.

If you're ever in a room and everyone is checking Facebook on their cellphone,
then Facebook _has_ substituted for real social interaction.

~~~
unimpressive
>Consider if we were having this conversation in person, there'd be more "real
social interaction", and I'd be forced to note you as an individual, probably
recognize if I met you again, and you'd be more to me than an 11 character
username that doesn't consider HN and Reddit social networks, for better or
worse.

Let's keep things in perspective here. If it weren't for HN, you and the
parent probably would have never met.

I don't see how you can degrade a connection that otherwise wouldn't exist.

~~~
fragmede
> If it weren't for HN, you and the parent probably would have never met.

Absolutely, and I admit as much in the first sentence!

Degrade was the wrong word to use, but my point is bad thing about technology
is that I have no connection to grimtrigger, just a reaction to what was
written. Of course, that's also the beautiful thing about technology - it's
about the message, not the messenger.

So while the article's analogy was a poor opening, I think the article is spot
on, in contrast to grimtrigger. Pre-internet people were communicated with the
long lost art of letter writing, and while latency was high, depth of
communication was often superior.

------
dnautics
real coke is not standard in the US because sugar is difficult to import. Most
explanations for this center around the cuban Fanjul family - which has
captured congress to maintain a sugar tariff against importing sugar from
every country except for the dominican republic, where their refineries are.

Hawaii no longer produces sugar cane, it's not economical (neither is
pineapple; golf and tourism have taken over) and northern sugar beets only
produce white sugar, not molasses.

HFCS is the "cheapest alternative" because its production is effectively
subsidized by congress as well - from corn tariffs, etc. To a certain degree
the evolution of HFCS as a sweetener can also be traced to prohibition, when
corn mash could not be used for whiskey and alternative uses for the high
carbohydrate content of corn were explored and subsidized.

~~~
speeder
Corn subsidies are from even earlier than prohibition, someone here on HN
posted once a detailed article about this subject, seemly the first laws about
sugars are from 1700s

------
decasteve
I'm much more optimistic about it. To be connected to every corner of the
globe in near real time, not to mention connected to people and robots in
outer space. I'm connecting with fascinating people in my local community as
well, talking about an ever diverse set of topics.

My biggest concern about connectivity is in the school system. Kids get a
connection to the world through the internet but we cut them off from their
local communities by placing them in a bubble--the physical school building.

~~~
CraigRood
My concern isn't really the 'connective-ness' of these networks/web in
general. It's the 'reward' system and instant gratification via the 'point
systems' \- re-tweets, karma, Likes etc. The way we interact with these
networks is entirely based on gaining more 'points' and using them as a
measure. We are almost going back to the playground where if you did something
funny and everyone else laughed, regardless of its worth you would do it
again. There's no substance, there's no real value, It's your hourly 'fix' of
self worth. I try to avoid the game, It's not only dangerous but I would also
consider it depressing in that you start measuring your own worth against
someone else because they got a better reaction - playground again.

~~~
grimtrigger
Bingo. It's embarrassing how good it feels to get a bunch of "likes" and how
much of the conversation gets slanted that way.

------
jackschultz
I feel like if you make the effort, then it isn't an issue. Call people
instead of texting, do the upside-down phone thing when you go out to eat or
have drinks with the people you just called to hang out with. If you "go off
the grid" every once in a while, I think you'll find that the world doesn't
end.

The key here is effort though. It isn't easy to meet up with people when you
can just use the internet to communicate. But if you really are worried about
the effects technology has on your life, then effort shouldn't be an issue.

I guess you can blame the technology, or you can blame yourself.

------
fragmede
The closing jab at Mexico is just a jab, but I feel it bears explicit mention
- while vising Mexico, many tourists won't have a native cellphone plan, and
thus won't be connected to Facebook/whatever, leaving you to _actually_
connect with those you're on vacation with.

(Yes, wifi exists, but it's not ubiquitous.)

------
dschleef
This link is an artificial construct designed to provide the superficial
result of a real article.

~~~
thibauts
I once thought it was at hackers' core to look behind the appearances. Core
values and myths are long gone, buried into memory traces of hidden places
that never met the instant share button.

------
jameshsi
whoa, this is exactly the motivation behind a current project (just posted a
ShowHN thread actually!), centered around collaborative time capsules. One
criticism we've come up against when we tell people we're interested in
building an experience around social time capsules is that it's not consuming
or addictive.

I'm optimistic in thinking that social services make it easier to connect, but
I'm not sure many are designed primarily for true, intimate connections. A
saying I do like though is that "Facebook is only as good as your friends
list," so maybe at the end of the day it's still up to us as individuals to
put forth the effort in creating meaning.

------
benched
I have a friend who posts to Facebook several times per day about where they
are and what they're doing. Only a few years ago, this person used to be my
closest friend. Now, we are distant, and I feel this Facebook usage is part of
that. I am under the impression that this person feels their social needs met,
and their social 'obligations' discharged, by regular status updates. They are
'connecting' to everyone they know continuously. Meanwhile, I feel I hardly
know them anymore. But I know exactly where they are and what they are doing
at any given moment. This person has also told me that they feel they have
become friends with certain people they only communicate with on Facebook.
That doesn't seem like a real friendship to me. I should add that all of this
communication is 'public' in that it is all visible to all the people in these
friend circles. That too seems strange to me. How many personal things will
someone say in such mixed company? And, indeed, the communication seems far
more banal and superficial than what I am used to. It is almost painful to
read.

My friend feels very differently on the subject, and that itself is part of
the reason for our drifting apart.

~~~
Zikes
Sometimes people drift apart, not all friendships last forever. It's entirely
possible the same thing would have happened with or without Facebook.

Regarding your feelings towards their new "friends", you've no right to
question their friendship or its value. Those are real people on both ends, no
matter the means in the middle, and you should respect that. All of my best
friends I've met online by way of various sites. We've only seen each other in
person a handful of times, yet they know me and I know them better than anyone
whom I interact with face-to-face.

