
I'm a Coffin Confessor - mastazi
https://www.newsweek.com/coffin-confessor-tell-secrets-beyond-grave-1529381
======
codezero
I am on the fence on this.

Culturally, it's my feeling that funerals are not for the dead, they are for
the living, and this is a way for the dead to cut into the lives of people who
now get to move on.

The "zing" element of it is just a way for someone to be hurtful to people who
can never have closure on that...

On the flip side - not everyone is cynical, they may say some of the things
they had a hard time saying when they were alive, affirmations that maybe made
them uncomfortable, or admitting wrongs that may have been too difficult to do
when alive.

I'd hope that a service like this would be thoughtful, and pensive, and think
of those who are left behind as a primary focus.

Edit: and this is all possibly moot as it sounds like this person isn't even
real (I get that this is speculation, but I'm just sharing it because I agree,
this story is questionable):
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24427464](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24427464)

Edit 2:
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24428153](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24428153)

Pretty good evidence this is actually real, so, yeah, my comment stands though
:)

~~~
Barrin92
>and this is a way for the dead to cut into the lives of people who now get to
move on.

this is why I absolutely love this, it has a Diogenic quality. I've always
really disliked how churches and funerals lull people with their bog-standard
speeches and an hour after the funeral everyone's bickering about the news or
who gained ten pounds of weight.

A death is a great opportunity to shock people out of their everyday stupor,
and when my grandfather died who was always somewhat of a trickster, he asked
to put a recorder into the coffin with a sort of knocking sound that should
play when he was lowered into the grave. Obviously everyone completely freaked
out and half of the people were mad but I laughed my ass off.

I think this is life affirming and when you can shock some people and have
something they ought to be reminded of a funeral's the time to do it, they'll
probably remember it for a long time.

~~~
codezero
I don’t disagree, and I think if a person does this on their own it’s great, I
think that as a business, this kind of thing could be pathological involving
folks who aren’t as awesome as your grandfather, and I assume your family was
fully aware of his mischievous nature.

------
AndrewKemendo
One of my first "startups" was basically this as a service in 2006 [1] and the
Houston Chronicle did a brief story on it under "Get the Message" in 2007[2].

The idea was basically that anyone could pay to get any message delivered
anonymously using our service as a cut out [3].

1\. Client pays UCC to send a message of their choosing

2\. UCC Contractor delivers message and sends proof and any response, back to
UCC

3\. UCC sends client the proof and any response

This was pre-smart phone, pre-gig economy, pre-easy payments and was done with
me hiring random people off of craigslist as messengers and taking messages
from emails.

I think someone could actually turn this into a real service today for really
cheap. Probably doesn't scale though.

[1]
[https://web.archive.org/web/20071106164225/http://upclosecom...](https://web.archive.org/web/20071106164225/http://upclosecommunication.com/main/UCC-
home.asp?p=1)

[2] [https://www.houstonpress.com/news/random-checks-at-the-
boliv...](https://www.houstonpress.com/news/random-checks-at-the-bolivar-
ferry-up-close-communications-ted-poe-gene-green-and-mac-haik-6540517)

[3]
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cutout_(espionage)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cutout_\(espionage\))

~~~
StavrosK
I made a service
([https://www.deadmansswitch.net](https://www.deadmansswitch.net)) back in
2008 to do the same. You write a few emails to your loved ones, then the
service checks up on you every so often. If you never reply, it sends the
messages.

Much cheaper than sending someone to crash a funeral, but also much less
dramatic.

~~~
nullsense
More dramatic if you're ADHD and get excited about finally having a way to
tell everyone about all shitty things you've done because your impulse control
is shot, so you sign up for it relieved that you'll finally be able to get it
all off your chest in a way that doesn't trigger your rejection sensitivity
dysphoria only to be absolutely mortified some months later when you're
secrets are spilled while you're still alive because you got the email and
thought oh yeah I need to reply to that but there are only two times in your
mind "now" and "not now" and because it's usually "not now" you put it off
subsequently forgetting altogether and then boom.

Well... At least life is never dull.

~~~
spicybright
Juesus. Um, just don't sign up for the service in the first place if you're
incapable of replying to the check up emails? That seems really obvious. And
this is coming from someone severely ADHD. I know I would never be able to
keep up with a system like that so I would never sign up for it.

~~~
nullsense
You know... I didn't always used to know why I am the way I am. And before I
did, I believed I should just be able to do things and never realized just
absolutely abysmal my impulse control is, so this is the kind of thing that
would catch me out.

These days I know to avoid things like this for the reasons stated.

~~~
eru
Have you tried medication?

See eg [https://www.gwern.net/Nicotine](https://www.gwern.net/Nicotine)

~~~
nullsense
I'm trying it now. Other than making my heart jump out of my chest
occasionally I don't really understand what it does. It doesn't seem to
actually _do_ anything for or to me. I understand that happens to about 20% of
people, so I'm just going to try work my way through the available options to
see if anything works.

Used to self-medicate with copious amounts of coke, pepsi and red bull and
fast food. Bit of a mixed bag that.

Actually on the subject of secrets and coke, I stole like 200 cans of it from
a place that used the honor system. I needed my fix and couldn't stop myself
from doing it. Always confused me why I behaved that way and why I couldn't
stop. When I got diagnosed a lot of things like that just started to make
sense.

~~~
swiley
I was given medication as a kid and this was my experience as well, I’m
personally not convinced it helps.

What does help me quite a lot (ordered by effectiveness):

Regular daily exercise (this one is surprisingly effective)

Avoiding certain foods (sugar, red dye)

Having at least some moderately mindful side project (building kits,
reconfiguring your wm, working on OSS etc.) I play ukulele, but I would call
noodling mindless so be careful with that

Avoiding mindless stuff like YouTube/reddit/HN (heh)

Getting dragged off to actually go do things by eg your girlfriend (I feel bad
because I’m usually upset at her when she does this, but I’ve told her many
times that it does actually help me, that must be confusing.)

IMO: if you let yourself be impulsive it puts you in an impulsive mood and
makes giving in easier, I’m not saying this stuff is perfect but it’s the best
I’ve found.

~~~
eru
Interesting! Different things work for different people.

Though having said that, exercise and good sleep hygiene are almost universal
panaceas for almost any mental or physical problem one might have.

They might not cure you, but they sure help make almost anything at least
slightly easier to bear.

I only got diagnosed with ADHD at age 30, and was already doing exercise etc.
Some low dose medication really helped me. Including giving me the mental
spare capacity to tick off more of the other items on your list.

------
gkoberger
I... don't believe this? Maybe parts of it are based in truth, but the
explanation for not doing it as a video feels weak to me. I feel like most
people would want him to show a video, not disrupt it himself? It feels like a
fantasy.

There's almost nothing online about him other than his interviews, and all of
a sudden this week numerous articles about him separately popping up?
Something feels a bit off.

It's almost like it's becoming true because it's been printed? He can now go
make a show or sell the service to people or whatever, and when people say "is
this true?" he can point to all the articles about it as proof. It doesn't
matter if it's true anymore, because now there's enough sources that it's
fact.

~~~
LeonB
I first saw it reported by ABC news (the national broadcaster) by reporters
who live and work in the area. That’s a strong signal that it’s true.

I checked if there was a registered business and there was. Details here:
[https://abr.business.gov.au/ABN/View?abn=68196068066](https://abr.business.gov.au/ABN/View?abn=68196068066)

Seems believable to me, when I first read it I thought “Typical Gold Coast!”

~~~
gkoberger
I believe there’s a business registered... in fact, that’s the point, right?
This is an ad.

The name was changed only a few months ago. Before that, the company name was
Freedom from Debt Collectors.

Like I said, I’m sure there’s a bit of truth in this. And I’m 100% sure he’ll
take someone’s money to show up at a funeral. I just feel like somethings off
in general.

~~~
glangdale
Yeah, I get a 'fake it until you make it' vibe from this. The stories just
seem a bit too "pat", like simplistic morality tales.

------
starkred
I'd think a lot less of the deceased after a display like this. Their best
friend may-or-may-not have wanted to sleep with their wife but whatever, leave
me out of it. I'm trying to pay my respects and mourn a friend, not get caught
up in some love triangle.

Of course the deceased could also have lied for reasons best known to
themselves. The 'best mate' is not in the best condition to defend themselves
if it turned out the deceased was delusional.

~~~
refurb
Agreed. It just seems like a dick thing to do (assuming the impact is
negative).

You’re dead. Your opinions don’t matter any more. You don’t even get the
satisfaction of spilling the beans, because, well, you’re dead.

Sure, maybe nobody will know your wife cheated on you. But that’s ok, because
you’re dead. Why bring more pain to the living?

Now, if you were have someone crash the funeral to tell your spouse how much
you loved them. Great, nice idea.

But the vindictive examples seem like a complete waste of time and only hurt
people. Especially putting the gay biker (apparently not everyone knew)).
Great friend he turned out to be.

~~~
deathgrips
This is some wack logic. If I murdered you and stole your car, would you mind
if I got away with the crime? What's that, you'd be upset? Doesn't matter,
you're dead.

~~~
refurb
This article has nothing (zero) do to with crimes. Not sure why you went off
on that tangent.

~~~
deathgrips
So only crimes are wrong? The coffin confessor does mention that he offers to
confess crimes after someone dies.

------
kozd
Speaker for the Dead has a much better ring to it.

~~~
bolasanibk
It's already a well known novel[1]. You will have copyright issues.

[1]
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_for_the_Dead](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_for_the_Dead)

~~~
vageli
> It's already a well known novel[1]. You will have copyright issues.

> [1]
> [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_for_the_Dead](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speaker_for_the_Dead)

I thought book titles are not subject to copyright?

[https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.writersdigest.com/.amp/copy...](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.writersdigest.com/.amp/copyrights/can-
you-copyright-a-title)

~~~
9nGQluzmnq3M
They can be trademarked, which is why you can't use "Harry Potter" without
permission.

~~~
codetrotter
True, but trademarks need to be registered, and doing so costs money. (Though
probably a negligible amount for a publisher, at least if they believe the
work will bring in a lot of money.)

That’s a bit different from copyright which is automatic and free of charge.

But bringing up both things are good points either way.

Which makes me wonder, what happens if I were to write a book and two months
later someone decides to rip off the title for their own book, and my
publisher decides to trademark the title of my book? Would the trademark
application be rejected because someone else used the same title in the
intervening time? And if the trademark application was granted, would my
publisher be able to demand that the other author/publisher stopped printing
their book under the same title, or would they still be allowed to do so
because their titling of the book preceded our trademark?

------
ornornor
I found the first few examples very sad. How miserable of a person do you have
to be if you’ve been given a death sentence (illness probably) and spend the
little time and energy you have left plotting drama at your own funeral, so
that a third party can shame and expose the people who are attending your
funeral??

I also think it’s unfair of the second example to come out as gay and also
name his lover at the funeral. I’m guessing this was a secret because that
particular bike club wasn’t very open minded, the deceased doesn’t care
because now he’s gone but his lover probably does very much care but now he’s
burned.

I really hope that if I’m ever in this situation i can focus on being grateful
and spend my time on much more positive things as I’m dying rather than
revenge beyond the grave.

I also just finished reading Eugene o’kelly’s book (chasing daylight) on his
last 100 days between when he finds out he has terminal brain cancer and only
three months left to live, and how he is doing everything he can to have the
beat time of his life while also making it easier for his whole family and
friends to deal with his death. Quite a contrast from the story in the article
and much much more positive.

~~~
postalrat
You make it sound like what you do your last few days matters more than what
you and other around you did before.

~~~
ornornor
Not necessarily, but think about it: you’re given a month left to live. 30
days. Does it make any sense to spend time and energy being bitter and angry,
and spend some of that time on people you dislike so that you can get revenge
after you’re dead (and thus won’t even be around to see)? In my opinion, you
have to be miserable to even entertain the possibility vs spending all the
time you have enjoying yourself and saying goodbye to the people you actually
do love.

------
sam_goody
There was a English politician who committed crimes with a partner, and then
feuded with him.

He wrote a book describing their joint activities, and had his son publish it
after his passing, so as to embarrass the former friend.

When he died, this politician was greatly respected. After the book came out,
it made him seem so crass, petty and vengeful, that his reputation was
completely shattered.

It was so bad that another famous man - I think Churchill - said that this was
the first case he knew of a man committing suicide posthumously.

If anyone can give names, would appreciate it. But I bet a service like this
will offer many more the ability to accidentally destroy themselves after
their death.

~~~
dalbasal
There is a long tradition of political deathbed "conversions." Politicians
taking positions opposed to popular opinion or politically structural norms
after their political careers are over.

It is craven by definition, but it is what it is. Unspokeness exists because
there are pressures. It is naive to think that politicians do not hold
opinions that they keep to themselves to some extent. Such is politics. People
too, not just politicians.

In a US context (not american, but I guess US politics is our lingua franca)
Eisenhower's military-industrial complex speech is the prime example. Even
firm "peace candidates" of american politics (then and today) do not generally
address the economic aspects of military policy.

Now that we're in the $trn corporation era, there may be eisenhower speeches
from former CEOs and such. I'd be curious to hear Jack Dorsey's opinions, once
he's removed from direct interest.

So... the desire, the tendency exists. Speaking from the grave has an added
romantic element. I think I'm "pro" on this coffin confessions thing. There
are certainly downsides, the potential to unload negativity which can never be
moderated. But, I think the act of uploading such a confession is likely to
have consequences before death. I'd be curious to know how many edits these
get, on average.

------
ilamont
This article reminded me of some odd traditions surrounding death.

There is apparently a tradition in some cultures, now largely vanished, known
as the “sin eater.” It goes beyond a religious deathbed confession in that the
sin eater hears the worst sins, and takes on the weight of those sins, in
return for a fee. It occurred in parts of the UK and India, but died out in
the 1800s.

Another is more modern, prompted or resurrected by the science fiction novel
Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card. The author claimed that people were
adapting the ceremony featured in the novel to their own deaths.

(Typing from a phone, hard to share links, sorry)

------
StavrosK
We respect your privacy! That's why we make opting out almost impossible!

[https://imgz.org/iP7y9UFH.png](https://imgz.org/iP7y9UFH.png)

~~~
mastazi
OP here, sorry for that. Usually I don't post links that do that, but
apparently my adblocker removes that modal automatically so I didn't even
realise it was there.

~~~
StavrosK
Oh it's not your fault, many sites do this, I just hate how disingenuous their
"we LOOOOVE your privacy yeees" shtick is.

~~~
andrewflnr
We love your privacy. It's delicious.

------
ErikAugust
For those who do not want the auto play video following them around while they
try and read the article:
[https://beta.trimread.com/articles/37273](https://beta.trimread.com/articles/37273)

~~~
kryogen1c
skipped the conflict of interest disclosure this time, hm?

~~~
ErikAugust
Sorry, not following?

~~~
Klinky
He's the Hacker News Confessor, outing you as the creator of this TrimRead
service!

~~~
zymhan
Indeed, it is customary to note that you created or run a site if you link to
it on HN. Or anywhere, for that matter.

------
DanielBMarkham
This reads so good, it almost reads too well. It's an incredible story that,
if true, has never been told in thousands of years of literature.

It would be an amazing experience, for both the speaker and the mourners.
Looking forward to hearing more about this story.

~~~
cafard
No? I think of at least one 19th Century short story from high school that had
aspects of this, less the deceased leaving someone to speak for him, than a
friend more or less volunteering. And one could regard it as a slight
modification of the will-reading scenes in many Victorian novels.

------
ctrlp
So much for 'dead men tell no tales'. Personally I don't see the point of this
sort of thing. Why hurt people after you're gone? Do it when you're still
alive and can share the burden of the truth.

~~~
ArkVark
The bigger questions is why waste $7,000 on this when that sum could have gone
to your heirs?

~~~
mbreese
It’s their $7000, they can do what they want with it. If they want to leave it
to their heirs, no one is stopping them.

But for some people, that is a reasonable sum to know that your “final
message” will be delivered at the appropriate time.

------
klik99
Just a guess, but I’ll bet this being optioned and someone’s starting a pass
on the screenplay as we speak

~~~
peterkelly
I hope Vince Gilligan becomes aware of this for this next show after _Better
Call Saul_.

------
agys
> One guy wanted me to put fireworks in his coffin so they went off during a
> parade, another guy wanted to be naked, lying on his front and for me to
> write "kiss this" on his a __for when he had an open casket viewing.

This reminds me of Swiss kinetic artist Jean Tinguely: his coffin was followed
by one of his mechanical sculptures with noisy fireworks and smoke… He was
also known as a “party perturbator” [1] (article in German).

Another one of his surprises, a bit unrelated but noteworthy: a “major auto-
destructive performance, a work called La Vittoria, in front of Milan
Cathedral in 1970. La Vittoria was a 10-metre-high phallus made of papier-
mâché, spiked with fireworks, and then set on fire.” (I stress that the
installation was set up in front of the “Duomo”) [2].

[1]
[https://www.spiegel.de/spiegel/print/d-13491563.html](https://www.spiegel.de/spiegel/print/d-13491563.html)

[2] [https://www.stedelijk.nl/en/collection/95263-jean-
tinguely-l...](https://www.stedelijk.nl/en/collection/95263-jean-tinguely-la-
vittoria-milan)

------
ChrisMarshallNY
Reminds me a bit of Irish wakes[0]. It does sound a bit "too good to be true,"
but the Australians have exactly this type of humor, so I could believe it.

[0]
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7g3RuoreRc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7g3RuoreRc)
(slightly NSFW -Dropkick Murphy video)

------
jacobwilliamroy
Why should I believe some stranger who just walked into the funeral? Why would
anyone listen to a gate-crasher? I think this kind of service only works on
gullible people.

"I'm here to tell you something that the deceased had a whole lifetime to tell
you, but just decided not to."

Sure, stranger. Sure. Whatever.

~~~
Tiki
Because the 'stranger' has a voice recording and a signed contract of what he
confesses on behalf of the deceased.

~~~
jacobwilliamroy
That's not good enough. That's just pathetic. People should settle their
affairs on this side of life, or not at all.

~~~
eru
Who are we to tell people what they should and should not do?

~~~
jacobwilliamroy
Don't worry. I don't actually have any authority over you. You don't have to
do what I say if you don't want to.

------
coffinconfessor
I have to say some of the comments are hilarious but worth noting I more than
most understand the desire to know more and to get to the facts it’s in my
nature and my job but for those of you who ask why as a PI have exposed myself
I’m actually a financial investigator www.freedomfromdebtcollectors.com.au and
in Australia we can have a number of businesses registered under the one ABN
number. As for those who feel the stories are best taken to the grave I
understand but don’t shoot the messenger. Like me or loath me I guess you
won’t forget me. The Coffin Confessor

------
lvturner
Quoted from the article:

"It's all secure, and when they pass, the next of kin receives the login and
that person will get to read the deceased person's confession. I got 8,000
uploads in one week and it's just gone from there. There's some really funny
stuff, but I would definitely contact the police if something was posted on
the site that I felt was a serious crime that needed to be reported."

If he can read it directly like that, it's not really that secure (or at least
private), is it? I understand the law enforcement argument here so I'm not
quite sure how I feel about this.

------
lqet
This seems to be a great way to tell your relatives and loved ones what a
bitter, revengeful person you had been all along, who couldn't even find
forgiveness in death. There is also a massive potential for abusing such a
service to destroy the lives of people you hated, disliked or were jealous of
during your lifetime. Just let the coffin confessor tell some made-up story
during your funeral. Who would question the last confession of a dying person?

~~~
cerebrum
> Who would question the last confession of a dying person?

If you are doing it so would lots of other people.

------
jojobas
>People have found out about me from funeral to funeral.

Now that's morbid.

------
dilyevsky
This reads like something out of Chuck Palahniuk’s book

------
karaterobot
I don't understand. There's no satisfaction in it if you're dead. If you have
something to say, surely the best time to do it is when you're still alive? I
can't think of anything sadder than knowing you're going to die, wanting to be
able to say something — good or bad — to someone important to you, and STILL
being unable to do it yourself.

~~~
eru
> I don't understand. There's no satisfaction in it if you're dead.

Why not? People gain satisfaction from eg knowing that their work will endure
after them, or that there offspring will live on etc. Why should this be
different?

Of course, whether or not the 'coffin confessor' follows through for any one
specific persons funeral doesn't make a different to that specific person:
they are dead.

But following through is still essential, because for the next client to get
satisfaction out of the service while they are still living requires the
'coffin confessor' to have a reputation for following through.

------
jerome-jh
Well actually the first use Thomas Edison envisioned for his phonograph, at a
time when live music was everywhere, was to record the last words of dying
people so they can be replayed at their funerals. A company was setup to
provide exactly this but supposedly met no success.

Sorry I have no source to provide but I take it from a reliable (french)
broadcast.

------
irrational
Wow, a real life Speaker for the Dead. I wonder if he is familiar with Ender
Wiggins?

~~~
Robotbeat
How could he not be? I'm a little sad that that question isn't given in this
article. A compare/contrast with that would be interesting. (Although maybe
he's sick of that question?)

------
treesprite82
> It's all secure, and when they pass, the next of kin receives the login and
> that person will get to read the deceased person's confession. I got 8,000
> uploads in one week and it's just gone from there. There's some really funny
> stuff, but I would definitely contact the police if something was posted on
> the site that I felt was a serious crime that needed to be reported.

Evidently not that secure then, if he's reading through people's confessions.
And worrying when the site explicitly encourages "graphic images, confessions
of a crime or something [like] an extra marital affair".

Keep in mind also that it costs $9.99 to upload your confession, with "no
guarantees" that the service will actually exist long enough to deliver it.

------
Upvoter33
Honestly I'm not sure if this is really very positive. Funerals are for the
living. This is for the dead. Seems like it could cause a lot more harm than
good, in some cases.

------
coronadisaster
> I need to record the conversation and I need a contract signed, because I
> need to protect myself.

why not record the guy and play the video at the funeral?

~~~
LeonenTheDK
It's mentioned in the article "[...]but it could have been edited, turned off
or the funeral director may have not allowed it".

I suppose this is a less fragile way of fully executing their client's
authentic wishes, with a backup funeral home ready to go if it remains
impossible.

~~~
coronadisaster
he could be standing next to the TV that is streaming from his phone... how is
that different?

------
narrator
Sometimes people who were more infamous are better remembered because when
they die, nobody really wants to hold back on the juicy dirt on them. For
example, the details we know about Stalin's private life are enormous because
very few people needed to have him preserved in a good light for history
except for a handful of true believers.

Maybe this service will help people remember the dead after they die because
it will help catalog all their exploits that they would have otherwise have
gotten in trouble for had they been alive.

------
jakobmartz3
Interesting, but I wouldn't want them to do that at my funeral.. maybe a week
before or something

------
gurustave
Glad I'm not the only one here who immediately thought about Speaker for the
Dead.

------
Igelau
I can't help reading the first couple paragraphs in gravelly film noir voice.
I'm waiting for the gangster's moll to show up with no one else to turn to.

------
Khelavaster
The millennial Speaker for the Dead

