
How to Raise Money - dsacco
http://robrhinehart.com/?p=1541
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dsacco
I'm going to be honest: I thought this was hilarious and I posted it for this
gem:

 _" Inside appears a vast, lush forest. I smell sweet wildflowers and damp
soil. Hm, doesn’t seem to be so bad. Suddenly living vines grasp me from all
directions and I notice towering carnivorous plants approaching. Thinking
quickly, I shred through the biomass with my blades and continue forward. They
are too many, though. For every vine I slash two more seem to grasp me.

I am about to lose hope when I realize that the thick trees are not bearing
typical fruit, but packaged food products like twizzlers and oreos
and…Coffiest! I rejoice. I free one hand by slashing a particularly thick
vine, and lunge at the bottle, severing it neatly from the tree and the cap in
one motion. I catch it in the same hand and promptly imbibe it.

With newfound strength and energy I begin making forward progress again. These
plants can’t hold me back. At the end is a sheer wall with a single redwood
tree, must be 30 in diameter, climbing to the top. I dig in to the trunk with
my blades and make the grueling climb to the top.

Another glass case, which I slash cleanly through with my left blade, contain
two matching Asus Zenwatch 3’s. Awesome. I put them on, one on each wrist, and
use the key to open the circular door.

“Well done Mr Rhinehart” the same voice from before booms through the chamber.
“But greater founders than you have failed the final test”

I notice I am standing on a vast expanse of steel grating with bubbling lava
beneath me. The room seems to expand infinitely in all directions. I am just
beginning to feel the extreme heat and tearing off what is left of my shirt
when suddenly something hits me in the chest like a sledgehammer. I double
over, the wind knocked out of me, and feel the steel grid shaking beneath me.

As I look up from my crouched position I see a massive white unicorn charging
directly towards me, its brilliant skin reflecting heat and light and its
sinuous muscles rippling with rage. Its horn is razor sharp and covered with
diamonds. Thick pink laser beams periodically blast from its eyes. Another
beam strikes me in the shoulder and knocks me flat on my back. I skid
backwards several feet and panic when I realize I’ve lost grip on my right
blade.

Another beam seems trained on my skull when I instinctively lift my right
wrist to protect my face. The laser beam harmlessly bounces off the face of
the Asus ZenWatch 3 and disappears in to the darkness. Suddenly I realize I
stand a chance.

I take a moment and marvel at the beauty of the creature.

“Such a shame I must destroy you, beast” I shout in its direction, which seems
to anger it even further."_

