

Ask HN: have family issues ever derailed your career? - throwaway227

My dad has developed a neurological issue which means he can't drive for 6 months. He's a physician himself, so he's being intentionally vague about the problem. I'm not sure how serious it actually is, and knowing him, I will never know.<p>Thus, I feel sort of obliged to live nearer to him and my mom, to help out if necessary, and just spend more time with them. The problem is that he lives in North Dakota.<p>I looked around and the only job I am qualified for within 2 hours of their house pays literally $100,000 less than what I make now.<p>I don't really know what I'm asking here. I guess I'm just wondering if this has ever happened to others, what you did, and did anything positive come out of it?
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michael_dorfman
First of all, this makes me nervous on your behalf: _Thus, I feel sort of
obliged to live nearer to him and my mom_

That's a really crappy reason to do anything, much less a major life change.
Talk to them about what they want, and get your own motivation clear. $100,000
in salary differential pays for a lot of people to "help out" in a
professional capacity.

If you all decide that moving there for six months is the best option, talk to
your boss about taking an unpaid leave of absence. If you are valuable to your
current employer, this is a no-brainer on their part-- it will take them at
least that long to get somebody new up to speed, if your job is at all
complex.

Finally: look at consulting type gigs, rather than trying to get hired
outright in North Dakota, especially if you are only planning on being there
for six months. You'll make more money that way, too. Presumably, you've got
skills somebody will pay for.

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throwaway227
I agree, but I don't have a whole lot going on in my life outside of work at
the moment. I wouldn't mind hanging out with them for a while. I'm in my
mid-30s and am just worried that it would totally "derail" my career... that
if I left my job now I'd never get hired anywhere again.

But you are right, I should talk to them first. I'm kind of a pain in the
ass...Maybe they are happier not having me around!

~~~
michael_dorfman
I don't see why taking a half-year off would derail your career in any
significant way, if you are at all employable.

But as I said: I doubt you'd really have to leave your job in order to take 6
months off (without pay), if you asked your HR department and explained the
circumstances.

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elliottcarlson
Would your current employer be open to you working remotely for a 6 month
period due to the circumstances?

~~~
throwaway227
Highly unlikely. It's a Wall Street sort of thing.

