
She Was My World, but We Couldn’t Marry - vincentbarr
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/16/style/modern-love-she-was-my-world-but-we-couldnt-marry.html
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mankash666
About the protagonist -
[http://m.legacy.com/obituaries/nytimes/obituary.aspx?n=ari-j...](http://m.legacy.com/obituaries/nytimes/obituary.aspx?n=ari-
j-diaconis&pid=188045892&referrer=0&preview=false)

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pmarreck
oh jesus, I missed that italicized bit at the end so opening this was like a
kick in the stomach

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Sukotto
Interesting to compare/contrast this story with Richard Feynman's first
marriage.

Here author Ari Diaconis chooses NOT to marry Dunia Rkein due to his illness,
uncertain survival prospect, and not wanting to burden her with his long-term
care (if he survived)

Compare to Feynman, who married Arline Greenbaum despite the fact that she had
severe tuberculosis and only a slim chance to survive.

Similar, but different. (Of course)

I wonder, is it better to never marry, or to lose the spouse shortly
afterward? Is it easier or harder depending on the gender of the survivor (in
our era, not the 1940s)?

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tajen
Depends if you’d give them your inheritance.

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icc97
I think you're close to the point - but I don't think it's about money.

If you love someone and they're dying, being married to them especially in the
40s makes things a lot easier for handling their affairs both before and after
they die.

There's so many laws even now that aren't fixed to handle when people aren't
married.

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tekklloneer
As someone with long term health conditions, it hangs in the back of your
mind. I'm fortunate enough not to have to call mine "chronic", and I may
(probably will) be blessed by the results of research from over a decade...

But it haunts me in every relationship I have, even if it's irrational.

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Gatsky
Worth reading all the way to the very end.

Life is short.

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Simon_says
I couldn't figure out why they couldn't marry. Choose not to, maybe, but
"couldn't"?

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jmcgough
Also to keep in mind is that she'd be on the hook for his medical bills if
they wed.

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rickyc091
Looks like this really depends on the state and the contract. In this case,
they were both in New York and it looks like under law she might have to pay
his bills after he deceased.

