
“She doesn’t deserve to be alive” - joeyespo
http://blog.asmartbear.com/doesnt-deserve-to-be-alive.html
======
eggbrain
The problem I've found, and I know this is true in me, is that people have a
gated view of success -- they only consider the people that are more
successful than them in their self-evaluation. People look longingly at the
friends that went to Harvard Law and have made millions, but don't seem to
give a glance to the friends who are having tough times emotionally or
financially.

Even Julius Caesar reportedly, upon seeing a statue of Alexander the Great,
realized with dissatisfaction he was now at an age when Alexander had the
world at his feet, while he had achieved comparatively little.

The point is, if we are looking to find someone better than us in the areas we
want to succeed, we will easily find them. It's only upon reflection that we
might find that the areas we give no credit to, the areas we have already
succeeded in, might be just as important as the things we strive for.

~~~
itmag
[http://www.sebastianmarshall.com/the-weakest-of-the-great-
me...](http://www.sebastianmarshall.com/the-weakest-of-the-great-men-of-all-
time)

Pretty interesting to ponder one's life from this perspective. "Keeping up
with Augustus", I suppose :)

~~~
fingerprinter
wait...do people really buy Sebastian's shtick?

~~~
itmag
Is it self-evident that we shouldn't?

~~~
georgemcbay
yes.

~~~
itmag
Care to indulge a fool?

~~~
georgemcbay
He's clearly either a narcissistic egomaniac or a troll.

I prefer to think the latter since I like to assume the best about people, but
I suspect the former.

------
tptacek
_That’s the problem with “success.” After so many years of climbing your
mountain, it’s not until you reach the top that you realize the next step is
down. And the next mountains after that are lower. What could DHH do that
would surpass the thrill of creating Rails or hitting the New York Times best-
seller list?_

Who's to say that a focus on "success" is what got Heinemeier Hansson to the
top of this particular mountain? One way to be effortlessly successful is to
just do what you love and thus do it really well; that and a lot of luck can
in fact get you a race car.

This perspective that life is a narrative with upswings and downswings can
itself be treacherous. Your life is not a prewritten narrative with defined
story arcs. You should try to make sure you're happy with what you're doing
_now_ , and o do what you can to mitigate future risks and pay down your
retirement. But I'm not sure there's much to be gained from explicitly
plotting your ultimate success.

~~~
mmj48
> This perspective that life is a narrative with upswings and downswings can
> itself be treacherous.

Is this not certainly true?

> Your life is not a prewritten narrative with defined story arcs.

It seems to be that someone could believe in the statement before this and not
this.

~~~
tptacek
No? It's definitely not true? It's The Gambler's Fallacy?

~~~
mmj48
Ah, now I understand. You're saying that it's fallacious to believe that an
upswing will necessarily have a downswing, and vice versa, is that correct?

What I understood (due to hastily coming to conclusions) was it is dangerous
to believe that life has lows and highs.

~~~
tripzilch
That's right, but it's also important to realize that, in fact, there is no
grand narrative[1].

Humans are compulsive pattern-recognizers and can turn any arbitrary
independent sequence of events into a story.

That doesn't mean the story is _wrong, per se_ , but it does mean you cannot
presume to know where a story "is leading up to". Because the only "complete"
story is the one that is told afterwards.

[1] <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_narrative> (lots of "blah" btw)

~~~
mmj48
Ah, yes, thank you for the explanation.

------
exratione
Nobody deserves to be alive. Use of the word "deserves" in that context is one
of those subtle abuses of the capabilities of language that verge on
indoctrination. If you unpack it, you'll see that it implies the existence of
some form of universal scoring system that everyone is a part of whether they
want to be or not. Which is of course very far from the case, despite the
existence of large groups of very missionary-minded folk who would like you to
subscribe to that irrational belief.

This is one of many forms of what we might call adversarial grouping - very
common when you see words like "we" and "should" showing up in sentences - in
which the writer tries to place people, often the readers or listeners, into a
specific memeplex without their consent. Given that the placing is usually
happening at a level below the active topic, it is often surprisingly
successful.

In this it shares a lot with the art of propaganda and advertising,
illustrating that these things are points on a spectrum of abusive linguistics
both grand and small. But all worth trying to keep an eye on as they arrive at
your doorstep.

------
noonespecial
I don't even bother arguing these points anymore. I've started just saying
"pale blue dot" to people (and to myself) whenever stuff like this comes up.

Try it, its fun. The next time someone complains about the rich being too
rich, or the unfairness of 'the system' just shrug and mutter "meh, pale blue
dot". The quizzical looks will make you feel better.

~~~
tedunangst
For anyone else feeling quizzical, Pale Blue Dot is the name of a photograph
of earth taken by voyager in which the earth is nothing but a pale blue dot.

~~~
matwood
And to save everyone else the time, here is the picture on wikipedia

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Pale_Blue_Dot.png>

It looks like lens dust 1/2 down the right side of the picture.

~~~
eshrews
I'd never seen this picture before, so thank you. I'd imagined it differently
before viewing. Seems more like a pale blue speck.

------
mmj48
The author, as it seemed to me, opened the topic of three semi-related issues
-

    
    
      people who've done an incredible amount,
    
      social media and how he reacted to growth,
    
      and how life is after you've reached (what seems to be) your highest point
    

\- all of which are fascinating, yet did not wrap any one of them up.

~~~
Retric
All story's only have one ending.[1] As long as it's entertaining there really
is no need to try and wrap things up.

[1] And then after a while, everyone died.

~~~
mmj48
I strongly disagree, for entertainment is not the only reason I read things.

~~~
Retric
The internet is filled with bad advice walking around as anecdotal just so
story's. If you are looking for more than entertainment, I suggest you avoid
anything that shows up in 'story' format.

------
cannuk
More and more I feel like this the most important truth I can teach to my 5
year old son. I think the earlier you grasp the concept of the journey being
the reward the better. It changes your perception about so many life events.
School being one of them. I want my son to realize that learning is the goal,
living and doing what you love.

------
petercooper
_What could DHH do that would surpass the thrill of creating Rails_

Sorry for overlooking the rhetorical point, but one of DHH's biggest dreams
seem to be racing at Le Mans and he's doing it this year.. so winning that,
perhaps? :-)

------
tomjen3
Why is it that people won't accept that life simply isn't fair?

Usually nobody disagree when you say that life isn't fair, but then they go
ahead and pretend that it is. They will even go so as far as to invent
religious concepts like karma do explain how this supposed "cosmic
balance/scoring system" can work.

~~~
run4yourlives
It's just modern day religious conceptualization.

In the past, people hoped in "God" to handle the very obviously unfair world
they could observe around them every day. The idea that "you'll get yours in
the end, and it will be grand" is the basis of pretty much every religion on
the planet.

Recently, the modern western world has fallen away from religion; a drive
through the American Bible Belt notwithstanding. The problem is that people
have not been able to adjust to the concept of living in a world that is not
only unjust, but without purpose. It's a very difficult concept to reconcile
with and maintain a sense of sanity - but this is what religion had been
providing to us all these years.

Accepting life isn't fair by default means that you must accept that you have
very, very little control of things. Humans _hate_ not being in control; we're
programed that way.

------
jnorthrop
A very poignant piece and a reminder that pursuing goals by doing what you
enjoy is more important than actually reaching the goal.

~~~
kpennell
I agree with the above commenters but I also like your crisp takeaway. I
sometimes like to remind myself: there is no destination. You're always just
on your way to somewhere, better enjoy the ride.

------
perlpimp
This sort of reminded me that code is the new currency, not all currency is
equal and blogging and social media is only marketing. Now matter how you want
to play it. If you play your hand just right you might hit the jackpot.
Vehement whining about how I didn't get to be dhh is beyond this point. Game
of making money does not depend on your feelings but your actions and in long
view strategy - everyone is unique and no one should be DHH. Yes DHH was in
the right place and right time. He played both hands, rails his brain child
however was quite a mess for some time. Documentation was missing, errors led
you to wrong places and still do.

Perhaps you can look at his and learn something, from afar not too close - not
to see who he dines with and maybe get some of his own philosophy and make it
your own...

------
run4yourlives
_It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that
matters, in the end_

-Ursula K. LeGuin

------
Craiggybear
“Well look at her, she’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s smart, she’s an amazing
cook, and did it all with with kids. No one should have all that.”

She also watched her husband and father of those children, John Diamond, die a
long, slow lingeringly horrible and miserable death from mouth cancer.

In life, _no one_ gets off scot-free. And no one deserves to be on the
receiving end of stupid, sour, ignorant, sweeping statements like this.

~~~
xsmasher
>In life, no one gets off scot-free.

That statement borders on cosmic woo-woo, but you make a good point about
comparing your insides to other people's outsides.

Not everyone is as happy/perfect as they appear in their well-groomed public
profile.

~~~
sunir
We all pay for the gift of life with death. All living beings suffer.

Perhaps it is how you deal with that truth that limits you.

~~~
xsmasher
No one here gets out alive - that's a truth.

Every good thing is balanced by some bad thing, or vice versa - that's
mystical bollocks.

I wasn't sure which side of the line the OP was coming down on.

