
Life is wasting my time - daemonl
http://blog.daemonl.com/2013/03/life-is-wasting-my-time.html
======
alexhaefner
Maybe I misunderstood this because of what books I have been reading lately,
but I really enjoyed reading this piece as a piece of irony. Apparently the
word irony, pre-14th century had more to do with an author writing an opinion
he or she did not hold, as if he or she did hold it.

When I read this as if the author doesn't believe that life is wasting his
time, but is being ironic, because the inherent flaw resides within himself,
and not within life, then I find the piece to be a really, really interesting
and an exposing and humble read.

~~~
daemonl
You totally got it. Apparently not many others did, my bad. Thanks for your
comment.

~~~
alexhaefner
Thanks again for writing this. You're writing about a feeling that I've
experienced and can relate to, and I thought the piece was excellent. Great
job.

------
bryanjclark
"There was once a boy named Milo who didn't know what to do with himself - not
just sometimes, but always.

"When he was in school he longed to be out, and when he was out he longed to
be in. On the way he thought about coming home, and coming home he thought
about going. Wherever he was he wished he were somewhere else, and when he got
there he wondered why he'd bothered. Nothing really interested him - least of
all the things that really should have."

~~~
notimetorelax
Sounds interesting, for those who don't know its from "The Phantom Tollbooth"
book:

<http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4684236>

------
kayoone
Great piece, I am sure many people on HN can relate to this. Its especially
true in this community where you are constantly reminded that other people
"like you" build these amazing things. The project that millions use, the open
source software that is a godsend to developers, the game that is getting rave
reviews, the prototype that is so amazing in a technical sense.

Add to that the interaction with super smart people that talk alot about
programming best practices, new technologies, the future of computing, maths,
literature.

I think as a person inside of this world, its really hard to not get sucked
into the mindsight of:

* i need to get more work done

* i need to start this amazing project

* i need to learn more

* i need to grow

* i need to make more money faster

All this is well and good, but for me it often results in being impatient when
doing things "normal people do". I have this constant feel of "i should be
doing something more useful" no matter what i do. This is were it gets
dangerous and i think in the long run it will lead to alot of unhappiness.

Atleast that i am aware of it and try to reflect on it, is the first step to
more happiness, or so i hope.

~~~
h2s
What if being aware of this mindset problem and yearning to be more content
and calm is just another iteration of the exact same generalised problem of
being overly mindful of the imperfections in one's life?

~~~
jdotjdot
I think at that point you begin meditating, where the point is to have no mind
at all.

------
copperx
I felt like my life was being described by the author. However, I don't feel
like that anymore. My life changed when I got to be responsible for a kid.
There's nothing I rather be doing instead of being with my child; there's no
nagging in the back of my mind anymore telling me to go read some more, to
come up with the next big thing, to hack something out, to work out math
problems.

I still enjoy doing constructive activities, but it's no longer my life's
purpose. For me, it's like seeing the 'big picture' of life. I remember, like
the author, being extremely impatient with family life and social activities
because I would rather be spending time building something, learning something
new. Normal human activities seemed boring and purposeless. I made a promise
to myself that I would never have a family for the fear of being too draining
and becoming frustrated for not having enough time for my projects. All of
that vanished in a couple of weeks after meeting my now wife's kid.

The kid I'm responsible for is not my biological child, so it's not just the
instinct of caring for my own child that's at play here.

Perhaps that's why the most important scientific discoveries come before
scientists have kids; it's not the responsibility and the time suck that
impede growth, it's an overwhelming feeling of happiness and indescribable
feeling of "doing the right thing" that rearing a child brings.

I honestly thought that child rearing distracted and frustrated parents
because they HAD to become selfless. It doesn't feel that way at all. Self-
growth seems superficial and meaningless now in the grand scheme of things,
and I am a pretty ambitious and obsessed person.

~~~
Uncompetative
Please. Unless you have adopted a goat, don't call it a kid.

I hate the terms 'kid' and 'kids'.

What is wrong with 'child' and 'children'?

~~~
copperx
I'm sorry, English is my second language. Could you explain the difference?

~~~
nollidge
There isn't one. "Kid" can mean the young of either humans or goats. "Child"
is a bit more formal, but that's about it.

------
ivanbernat
I hope the author is reading this thread.

What struck me was this line: "Family time bores me because I could otherwise
be doing amazing things".

I felt like this for a long time. I was in a long-term relationship with an
amazing woman, yet I spent my free time working or thinking about all the
"amazing" things I could have been working on. Up to the point where she left
me.

Family time is the one thing you should never consider a bore or a chore.

~~~
hobbes
Thankfully, the last sentence of the article states: "Then I'm going to the
beach with my partner to 'do nothing' for an evening."

Just to add, it's not mererly a lack of "doing" something, but valuing the
"being" part of ourselves: Father, husband, partner, friend, etc - out of
which the "doing" bit naturally flows. Due to my personality flaws, I too
often "do nothing" when in presence of my wife, which can be just as
destructive for the relationship as wishing I was doing something somewhere
else.

------
unimpressive
I don't get the nasty comments on his blog, it's clearly a self aware piece
poking fun at it's own sense of superiority. If he really had things the way
he wanted them, he wouldn't need to be there in the first place.

And on top of that, it's brilliantly poetic.

~~~
yen223
Read the entire blog before commenting? What a waste of time! Better comment
first. ;)

------
scotty79
I felt the same way. But I gave up struggling and accepted that my destiny is
to lead sucky life, waste my time here on earth with mortals and mediocre jobs
and most likely never accomplish anything non-average.

~~~
Nursie
What's a sucky life?

Writing code for other people, even on sucky projects, pays for an awesome
life for me :)

------
ejsl
Sounds like depression.

~~~
RyanZAG
It's actually the very opposite of depression. Depression is generally a lack
of hope for the future. This would be a case of so much hope for the future
and himself that he is unable to live in the present, as what he is currently
doing simply cannot live up to his hopes.

It's interesting how similar to depression the effects would be.

~~~
codeboost
Depression is a long period of negative thought patterns. The person is locked
in a loop of insatisfaction, disappointment, health concerns, feelings of
wasting life (guilt), followed by feelings of worthlessness. It is a terrible
place to be. And unfortunately a lot of smart people fall into this mental
trap. I am emerging from such an episode myself and I can relate perfectly to
the article. I was helped by the book "Feeling good: The New mood therapy" and
I highly recommend it to anyone who seeks help.

------
mr_penguin
Journey, not the destination.

------
snuze
This bring to mind the Kevin Spacey monologue in Casino Jack:

 _Cause in reality, mediocrity is where most people live. Mediocrity is the
elephant in the room. It's ubiquitous. Mediocrity in your schools. It's in
your dreams. It's in your family. And those of us who know this - those of us
who understand the disease of the dull - we do something about it. We do more
because we have to._

Read more at: <http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194417/quotes?qt=qt1477054>

------
ritchiea
I struggle with this myself. But sometimes the problem is actually the thing
you're pursuing. What if the thing you're second guessing is a zombie startup?
Or really any pursuit that isn't measuring up to reasonable standards set for
it.

Setting lofty goals often involves taking on projects and employment
opportunities before they are mature ventures. And you end up asking the
question "am I being unreasonable and impatient or is this project doomed?"
It's not an easy question to answer.

------
basicallydan
Mate, I can also relate to this. It's tough. I know the problem is myself but
I don't know how to solve it. Although, I _do_ know how to solve it, yet
somehow I don't. Sure, it might be a "humblebrag" but it's a god damned
frustrating one. I Think a lot of people, especially people on HN, feel this
way.

------
Kluny
Not sure I agree with you, but I really enjoy your particular version of
English-as-a-second-language.

------
Uncompetative
You have a partner and access to a beach. I have neither and haven't had a job
since 1988. Yet the only thing I have found boring about my life of late has
been reading this. I am not going to tell you to stop bleating, to accept the
uneliminatable imperfections inherent in life so you can better focus on
reducing the recurring overall inefficiencies because I feel it would fall on
deaf ears. You can't be helped. You can only help yourself out of this mental
rut and change your subjective perspective towards your circumstances by
developing not a positive mental attitude but a pragmatic one. I can't reach
into your cerebellum and rewire it. You can. It will take about six months -
assuming you don't kill yourself in the meantime.

------
k_infinite
My whole life is consumed by this feeling.

I feel like I should already have achieved something great, yet I don't
explicitly think I'm special, although feeling like this and letting other
people know about this constant irking feeling might understandably lead them
to think that I think of myself as someone special or superior to them,
especially when talking to people who haven't experienced this kind of push
and don't have these kinds of aspirations. I think that in my case there's a
healthy part to it and there's an obsessive, blown-out-of-proportions part to
it, based on the healthy part. And it's not easy to tell, where one ends and
where the other starts.

The most dreaded thought to me is the thought of mediocrity, me being just
another working bee as someone put it in the comments, with no power, ability,
skills, and certainly no destiny to build or do something great. What
"something great" is, I didn't really outline it yet. Maybe this should be the
first step towards actually starting a project that matters. I cannot relax. I
cannot let go. In my life it is rare, when I can just kick back and relax and
enjoy doing something that is not the next step towards something big.

Whenever I'm left alone with nothing to do, the feeling of guilt sooner of
later overwhelms me, I cannot have a breakfast without my thoughts rushing. I
just keep thinking about what I had done wrong or why I haven't achieved
anything of significance in my life. For one part, there is this feeling that
I already should have achieved great things and this feeling implies that I
should actually be able to achieve great things, and therefore that somehow I
am destined to achieve great things. Then rationally I know that I am not
special at all, but I can be. I know that things that I consider great can be
achieved by just people like me, because I know people who have achieved great
things. And that there's no destiny involved, just hard work and a lot of
skills which can be learned. The thing that is special about these people is
their attitude. The only times I came close to feeling relaxed and being able
to kick back and relax, were times when I've felt that I actually had
something great going on in my life, something that I've felt could go
somewhere, something with potential.

I consider the notion of potential one of the greatest things in life. I would
even go as far as to say that I value potential more than I value actual
results, more than I value potential realized. Potential is the start of
everything, potential contains everything in it, nothing is determined yet,
nothing is sure, but everything is possible.

And I think I'm afraid of stepping out of my zone of potential into the real
world, because out of the infinite possibilities, I have to choose one, I have
to choose a direction, _one_ direction and go there, knowing I will probably
never be able to go back. And take directions after directions, and from the
abstract notion of being everything at once, out of all the possibilities, I
have become only one path, one string of life, that either becomes successful
or withers and dies.

From the place where there is no meaning to failure or to success, to
certainty or to uncertainty, to decision, because everything is in there all
at once, and there is only excitement and anticipation, to the place, where I
might fail like many people have failed before.

For now I try to focus on doing things I really like, things that deeply
excite and interest me, things that matter to me, and I try to put the maximum
amount of effort into doing those things, and now I just have faith that out
of these things a project will emerge. And that as long as I can find things
that excite me, there will always be a project in there somewhere that's worth
doing.

~~~
Uncompetative
It is only healthy to value potential more than actual results if you agree
with the Chinese proverb...

'The journey is the reward'

I agree with the sentiment expressed by this and feel that it is silly to
defer gratification to the completion of a goal, whether that reward be pride
in your accomplishments, money, or fame. Especially as many long term projects
may never be completed as your personal circumstances change to prevent it
from being realized, or the endeavour taking so long that it is rendered
irrelevant by someone else finishing a similar work before you so that the
potential audience you were after has been entirely satisfied by their
solution.

If you would still work on whatever you do without payment and you are not
obsessing daily about fame and riches coming your way through doing it then
you are well adjusted. Obviously, a source of income has to be found for your
survival and shelter yet a lot of people work in moderately well paid full
time jobs in order to fund lifestyles that compensate them for the time that
they have sacrificed or their lack of self-worth.

1\. Uncontroversially, nice cars, houses and foreign holidays are paid for
largely by not just being part time with maybe some rewarding side-project or
voluntary work making them feel that they haven't entirely wasted their week.

2\. Controversially, having children is very expensive and time consuming and
bad for the planet as the ecological impact from not having a child is the
countless generations that will not exist, consuming and polluting, for
centuries to come. It may be a matter of being forced to choose between your
brainchild and the fruits of an intimate relationship. Luckily, there are
signs that educated women are less interested in having babies so men
shouldn't resent heterosexual partners that are smarter than them as it may be
to their advantage to have them be the one with the powerful career whilst
they run the household and code from home.

