
On Being 40 - jseip
http://chadfowler.com/blog/2014/05/11/on-being-40/
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PeterWhittaker
When I turned 40, I was heard to say that had I known how great 40 was, I
would have turned 40 ten years before. I felt I was at the top of my game:
Training regularly, mentally sharp, marriage good, daughter good, career good.
Awesome!

I'll be 49 later this year. My advice: Keep training, it is the best and most
important thing. I stopped for a while (long story) and ended up with Old Man
back problems (10 minutes to fall out of bed, 5 minutes to crawl to the
toilet, peeing in the toilet a gymnastic accomplishment, not to mention
getting back down...).

Second most important thing: Don't have a bullet list, just do shit. Do act in
a play. Do learn an instrument. Do be in a movie. Heck, be in several movies
(play many different characters, from hero to clown to psycho). Do abandon a
successful 12 year solo career when offered a partnership in a small but
growing firm (now I have 4 spouses, yay! And growing pains. Yay!).

Always say "yes, that would be cool", never be afraid _1_.

 _1_ Still working on that, haven't been bungee jumping yet. But my firm will
have 10 or so employees in a few months, with almost as many subs, and I'm in
5 DVD/Netflix releases planned for 2014.

The 40s rock. The 50s are going to be awesome.

~~~
CmonDev
"small but growing firm (now I have 4 spouses" \- business was successful
enough to expand your polygamous marriage?

~~~
PeterWhittaker
I have three business partners. That's a lot like three extra marriages: You
have to "learn" the other person, understand their wants and needs (often
unspoken), learn how to communicate effectively with each, etc.

They have spouses, and we all have kids. And we have employees. My extended
family is far larger than I'd ever dreamed....

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jqm
Awesome article. Love the gratitude man. It is one of the finer emotions.

At 43 here is my experience:

-I can't stay awake as long as I used to either. Nor do I want to anymore.

-My body doesn't hurt all the time... I have heard this from others but it hasn't happened to me. Still, I can't do what I used to without it really wiping me out and requiring rest. And, I'm not as fast as I used to be. But, I find I am still as strong as ever... I think even stronger.

-I certainly know more, but feel I don't think as fast as I did 15 years ago. I'm at peace with that. One offsets the other for me.

-I'm more jaded and cynical about life but, paradoxically more patient. What used to be unforgivable sins in others are just not as grating anymore. At the same time I expect the worst from others more than I used to I believe.

-Ditto on appreciation. Didn't used to have it as much as now. Maybe because I expect the worst and am pleasantly surprised when it doesn't show up.

-I don't think I'm wise... not going to claim that, but I do feel I have more control over my life and my reaction to events. I'm certainly less impetus.

I wouldn't think this will be the outcome for everyone. YMMV.

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leorocky
It's frustrating being very late 30's and still not having reached any major
successes. All I really want is to be able to have my own single entrepreneur
business. It shouldn't be so hard to find at least one idea that will support
me and my family as a software engineer.

This guy is a CTO, so he's hit that milestone I guess. I'm still hungry.

~~~
krapp
I essentially lost my career right before I turned 35 - it was the only job I
had for more than a year, and I had it for a decade. It was an existential car
crash. Here I am about to turn 37 and I'm back in school again, fighting off
the constant fear in the back of my head that my entire life will amount to a
tale told by an idiot, only without even sound or fury.

I've more or less given up on major success. I just kind of want to not live
hand to mouth now. But you never know. The one thing i've learned not to do is
fool myself into thinking I know what shape the future will take. Cynicism is
a lot easier when you think you're immortal.

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carrotleads
Mid life criss used to hit at 40.. now its lot earlier.

I had mine around the early 30's. Had done it all and was wondering what next.
Marriage, kids decent job, good pay, low expenses, decent house.

Got rid of the job and pay and living off savings now. Will be 40 soon.
Hopefully I will figure out the meaning of it all. For now I focus on living.

~~~
Swizec
I think I'm having mine right now and I'm 26.

I've pretty much got everything I've ever wanted out of life. Make enough
money to live comfortably and have leftovers every month, have published a
book, have started a business, am debt free, have complete freedom from
everything.

Really the only thing I still haven't done is publish in an academic journal.
But my life has taken on a trajectory completely outside academia, so not sure
that's likely to happen anymore.

Everything else, it seems, is just a matter of degree. Eventually I will be
financially more successful than I am now, but that will only get me a bunch
of things I don't care for. I will publish more books and they might end up
being more renowned or not, but there isn't really _that_ much you can do with
renown other than turn it into even more financial success, or enjoy it out of
pure vanity. And I guess I will start more businesses, launch more products,
and some might even become hugely successful ... but that's just a matter of
degree once you've passed the barrier of having done it once at all.

Guess I could eventually start a family, but I've never wanted one of those.
If I do start one it's going to be out of pure boredom and wanting to try new
things. And that is probably the shittiest reason to start a family.

Pretty much everything left on my bucket list is pure hedonism. But that seems
like a shitty thing to strive for in life.

~~~
CmonDev
"will only get me a bunch of things I don't care for" \- you genuinely
wouldn't want a (extra) house by the sea or make a trip to space or launch
some physical product just for the fun of it?

~~~
Swizec
I wouldn't even know what to do with the first house, let alone a second one.

I mean sure, I could always do with more stuff, but it doesn't bring me deep
joy. I only enjoy it for the novelty ... and then I might as well just borrow
it for the first two or three times until I get bored, then move on to the
next borrowed thing.

Ownership is meh. Too much hassle. Not enough novelty/excitement.

Really the only reason to own things is so the taxman takes less and you
"keep" more. Even if you keep it in a form you don't particularly need.

~~~
extra88
My previous response was about finding meaning from interpersonal dependence,
I totally get not wanting to develop a dependence on "things." However renting
a home means you're paying someone else's "taxman" for them and paying for the
privilege for doing so. If you've done really well financially, you get to the
point where you pay off the bank and it's _only_ the taxman you owe to keep a
roof over your head.

You're already saving, that's good, for the time many years in the future when
you can no longer work. Also think about saving for a time when you'll feel
differently about owning things and/or having kids.

------
ChuckMcM
_" At this age, I’m becoming aware of just how long and short 40 years is.
Literally everything that has ever happened to me can fit into 40 years. If I
do another 40, twice as much can happen in total."_

One of the interesting things about aging is the realization how short life
is. When I started considering the frame of mind that I had less life to live,
than I had already lived, it made it easier to focus on the important stuff. I
too was fortunate to find someone at a young age who was compatible with my
quirks. And while many folks I have met eschew the notion of marriage and even
family, I find that without my wife and kids I have a hard time
contextualizing what, if anything, I've contributed in exchange for the raw
materials I've consumed. That was not something I expected to feel when I
started out.

~~~
mturmon
About the significance of family as I grow older -- When I was younger, I
would hear the expression "The only thing that matters is love," and I would
literally not understand what it could be referring to. It was devoid of
possible content for me. I assumed it was just something people said, like
"have a nice day".

What mattered back then was to always be smarter, to always know that already
(for any value of "that"), etc. I'm still that way sometimes, of course. The
alpha nerd does not just disappear.

Well, it took 20 more years, but I get it. When it's all over, it may be that
all that mattered was love.

------
caio1982
He seem to be at peace, and it surely does count more than anything else.
Happy 40th birthday man.

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jebblue
>> religious holidays for faiths we don’t hold

So, a human is born, lives and dies and that's it? Earth, planets, solar
systems, galaxies, the universe, all just some big accident. Wow. Of all of
the above, no signs of life from any planet out of billions and billions but
ours and it was just an accident. Wow.

~~~
dllthomas
_" Of all of the above, no signs of life from any planet out of billions and
billions but ours and it was just an accident. Wow."_

If it's simply a rare phenomenon, this is what we'd expect to see. _If_
intelligent life arises on one planet in billions and billions, it is _not
surprising at all_ that it will be on the one planet with intelligent life
looking around and asking the question.

~~~
jebblue
Good point, except, would that rule show symmetry with other planetary events
on the billions of billions scale?

~~~
dllthomas
I'm not sure what you're asking.

