

Ask HN: Successful entrepreneurs, what (non-startup) areas in life did you fail? - jayliew

My mentor once told me, "you can have it all, just not all at the same time."<p>Time and time again I forget and try to do it all, and I end up frustrating myself. I know this, but I often forget: If I want to succeed at the things that are important to me in my life (such as building a successful startup), there will be areas in my life that I <i>will</i> have to be ok with getting a failing grade in. (e.g. relationships will suffer, etc.)<p>It's one thing to try and fail (negative "ROI"), it's another to knowingly accept and say, "ok, I'm going to get a C- in certain areas so I'm not going to invest too much of my finite resources in this area (non-negative ROI)."<p>Would successful entrepreneurs share with us here what they had to give up?<p>Personally, I find it hard to keep up with my relationships. If I know that others went through the same, it would make me feel a lot better that it's not just me. (Or if it <i>is</i> possible to have it all, please do tell!)
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biznickman
On numerous times I've given up my health. Since then I've learned that's the
last thing you want to sacrifice. Seriously, if there's anything you're going
to give up, don't give up your health. (A healthy diet and regularly scheduled
physical activity is important).

The primary thing that you'll always give up while running a business is free-
time. Free-time doesn't exist. Vacation? Forget it. Television? Aside from
your weekly sports games or whatever you have, there's little reason to be
watching the TV.

I think "normalcy" is the greatest thing you give up. However I think normal
people are always wondering what they're going to do with their life in the
future or simply wasting it away in the now. Entrepreneurs on the other hand
are creating the future so I'd rather be there than spending my time mastering
the latest World Of Warcraft series (sorry to WOW players).

~~~
jayliew
Any comments on relationships?

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iuguy
When I first started up I worked 80-120 hour weeks, busting my backside off to
the detriment of my friendships and even my marriage. I decided one day that
enough was enough. There had to be a better way. I'm still looking for it but
it's rare you'll see me bust over 60 hours a week at the moment.

The two most important things in your life are your time and the company you
keep. Time is the most valuable resource, you only have so much and you're not
able to get any extra, so what you do now with your time is gone. Once you
recognise that you will hopefully start to optimise your time, not as an
organised obsessive, but with a basic understanding of the value of your time.
I'll pay extra for certain things that others won't, because my time is more
valuable to me than it is to them. My mum takes the bus to see her sister,
it's about 7 hours by bus. I take the train, so that I can go up on a Friday
and work on the train and lose no time, or I'll fly up.

Your relationships are closely tied to your time. Perhaps the two people you
know the best - your parents - will only be around while you're young. At some
point they're not going to be here anymore and the time you spend working all
the hours $deity sends is time you could've spent with them and you'll wish
you did afterwards. The same goes for your significant other. They should be
your closest friend. I try to spend as much time as I can with my wife,
sometimes to the detriment of friendships. The simple reason is that I'll only
have another 30-60 years or so with her, and anything that eats into that time
better had be extremely valuable. I still try to see my friends as often as I
can, but I'm fortunate to have so many friends that I can't always see
everyone.

You can have it all, you just have to prioritise. Sometimes the things you
slave over, no matter how much you may enjoy it are not necessarily the most
important thing. I'm reminded of an oft-misquoted quote from Richard P.
Feynman sent to a Mrs Chown after her son wanted a birthday note thinking it'd
help him when he tried explaining scientific things to her:

"Tell your son to stop trying to fill your head with science — for to fill
your heart with love is enough."

~~~
thetylerhayes
Some comments you can't not vote up. Thank you.

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thetylerhayes
In my personal experience, you don't necessarily lose relationships (in
quality or quantity). It seemed more like a "weed out the wheat from the
chaff" process.

During my first startup, I lost friends. But many were weak links anyway
(which is not to say I wasn't sad to lose them). I lost some close friends
too, some of whom I'm still not friends with again. It sucks. But c'est la vie
-- this is not exclusively an entrepreneur-only experience.

I also became much closer to my family, especially my parents. Fortunately,
I've had great parents, and they continue to serve as wise advisors. So while
I lost some friends, I also made some new friends who are now some of the
strongest friends I've ever had, as we share many more things in common (i.e.
my old relationships were friends because we went to school together, my new
relationships are founded on mutual interest).

As for romantic relationships, my first startup officially killed my romantic
relationship. But it was not 100% because of my startup, nor is it a story for
the Internet. Still, my business was a large factor. You can only care for one
love at a time, in my opinion.

I don't see any of these as failures, however. They are all growth
experiences. I learn more about myself, my friends/family, my business, my
interests, the world, and that's just the beginning. I will only judge these
as failures when I tried to make something work and despite my truly 100% best
efforts I was not able to reach the intended goal.

One last thought: maybe it is possible to "have it all," but maybe you just
need to re-define "all." Personally, to "have it all" is not synonymous with
having everything at the same time. To me, to "have it all" can be spread out
over my entire lifetime -- I can run a successful business now, then later
meet someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, or vice versa. Or any
other combination. Finally, "have it all" is different for everybody, so don't
let my words define your life. But I hope I've helped at least a bit.

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manumental
I started out at 17 with a retail store which quickly grew into distribution
and manufacturing of action sports products. this upset many people in the
national (i'm in europe) industry and i was cut off from all my suppliers. we
did some groundbreaking stuff in and around that area but a bad choice of VC
and co-wnership (rings a bell on HN?) stopped that expansion. i ended up with
lots of debt within two years while trying to get by with graymarket imports
and alternative product.

by that time i had missed out and sacrificed on many things regular people
enjoy in their 18-24's. knowing that my business would by fine without the
(probably illegal) interference of my competition i fought on.

i grew up with the photoshops and illustrators, wrote BASIC and Pascal in
kindergarden, and laughed at the first web bubble. so i went to work in the IT
industry (and ending up on HN). this all barely allows me to pay off my debts,
get by with life and carry the extra cost of maintaining my "old" business.

my "new" portofolio and overall cv gave me a solid perspective going forwards
and it works well as a financial insurance (i can always go in fulltime and
pay off debt quickly). so i keep taking risks and do it for the overall story
of it.

i have probably thrown away a a six figure sum over that time, but i'm happy i
did it and thankful for all the experience and perspective it gave me at a
very young age. it pays off everyday by now in work, life and yes,
relationships. but it cost me 10-15 years of my life. no holidays, no
relationships for a long period, many business and personal conflicts,
eviction notices, reposessions, lawsuits, reduced social interactions, etc.
stuff you wont risk taking if you had an initial choice.

by now i live two extremeley different lives at once so some of the bad stuff
can mix up. at the bottom line you truly got to love what you are doing to
stick through it. as cheesy as that.

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endlessvoid94
I got expelled from high school and then dismissed from college after one
year.

I eventually got back in and graduated, but not before learning to focus only
on what's important. Now I'm living in SF without a boss, while my projects
pay my rent.

Life is good!

