Ask HN: Any chronically ill founders here? How do you balance your life? - throwaway2019Z
======
vvdcect
I don't know what advice to give you regarding finding that "balance" in life
and I don't even know if I'd be considered a founder but for the last 9 years
I've been working as a freelance programmer, I was initially diagnosed with
chron's disease in 2014 and was reclassified to having ulcerate colitis a
couple years later. The first 4 years of living with this problem was a total
mess, It was difficult to balance my work and personal life while managing my
health problem. It held back my development as a programmer and my
relationships with people. I was constantly filled with anxiety, anger and
frustration, It felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel for me
and I even considered suicide at one point. Over the last 9 months I started
to experiment with taking psilocybin mushrooms as an alternative to anti
depressants and I have found it to have helped me tremendously. It has helped
me overcome the anxiety and fearfulness of this health condition, come to
terms with the passing of my dad and grandparents and also has made motivated
to have goals in life again. Things have been looking up since then and I've
begun to turn my life around, slowly but surely.

~~~
richerlariviere
That resonates a lot with me. I don't want to do any promotion of those
substances (every drug, good or bad has physical and/or psychological risks
involved with the user) I self-medicated with psilocybin mushrooms and also
used psychological support and so far I'm free from having recurring
depression (I exclude seasonal affective disorder "SAD" because I can manage
symptoms easily with healthy habits without requiring any external help). My
first first year of medication was really intense mentally because I had to
face a lot of inner issues. I feel like I learnt a lot about the traps I used
to fell into when I was depressed. I consider myself in the best form I ever
been in my life. Psychedelics helped me to better adapt to the society I live
and contribute to.

~~~
maxxxxx
I just did Ayahuasca to see if it could help with my tendency for depression
but it didn't do much. It was interesting though.

Makes me wonder how often you do mushrooms and how quickly you felt a positive
effect?

~~~
richerlariviere
I don't need to trip a lot. 1 trip was enough to have positive effects (I did
between 10-15 trips in a 2 years interval). Those effects included a profound
desire to realize myself and to better adapt to society. Mushrooms gave me a
kick in the a __so I was able to work on myself. It opened my eyes but I had
to do all the job of rebuilding my vision of the world and determine where I
'm seeing myself in that regard.

------
throwaway9298
I have a genetic/hereditary disability which has progressively deteriorated
over my working career. I took the decision 10 years ago to quit my senior
role at a FTSE100 and do a startup instead so that I had full control over my
work load and work environment.

Fast forward to today, and I'm now only able to work for a few hours a week.
The business I founded is mature, and largely manages without my input.

It's hugely frustrating not being able to do more. Given the limits I have on
my output, and that I have no sensible idea of what the future holds, I almost
exclusively do stuff that (a) really interests me and (b) is rewarding for me
personally.

Inevitably a chronically ill person is likely to be/become depressed: I found
anti-depressants really useful. I had no idea I was so depressed.

I've tried counseling, it's just not for me.

I'm actively engaged with the experts in my condition, and have gained an
expert knowledge. No one else will do this for you. Neither will anyone else
will take a holistic view in terms of your care.

I have a fantastically supportive SO and rarely stop to consider myself as
disabled -- this is a doubled edged sword as it leads to boom and bust.

HTH in some way. (Edit - formatting, clarity re startup)

~~~
ilovecaching
It's awesome to hear about your startup, I wish I had that kind of courage (or
the talent).

I personally have trouble wherever I move finding a good counselor. I've often
just walked away from it, but then I inevitably miss it and am glad when I
find "the one" because I am a very indecisive person. It's so true about the
holistic care. Taking care of yourself takes so much effort.

------
stephenwithav
A C3 spinal cord injury has interfered multiple times, especially with
finances and insurance.

My advice?

Automate as much as possible; Ansible, Docker, Kubernetes, and kubespray are
great.

Build what you can, when you can. Try not to stress when you can't.

Learn to meditate by focusing on your breath. A calm mind is very helpful for
productivity.

Establish a routine. Stick to it as best you can. (When my routine is thrown
off, I'm very unproductive. Meditation helps reset my focus.)

Buy an Echo Dot. Use repeating reminders to remember the day-to-day stuff
(e.g., meds) so you can stay in the zone without neglecting your health.

Keep well-named, well-organized bookmarks relevant to your illness; searching
your browser history with a cloudy mind when sick is a PITA.

Learn systems biology. View it as a FSM initially so you can properly debug
your body and communicate with doctors when it fails you.

Those are the tips I live by right now.

My coding work won a startup competition a few years back, but the terms of
the deal weren't favorable to me due to my disability, so I turned it down.

One grand mal seizure a few months later, I forgot that I was a coder with
ambitions. (The flip-side to that: I forgot that learning to code was so much
fun, so I focused on languages I previously avoided.)

The project from the competition is almost completely rewritten to be nearly
autonomous.

------
throwaway2019Z
I've been chronically ill for over a decade and founded my first company last
year. Perhaps the hardest truth I've had to learn to accept is that I simply
do not have as many hours in the day as a healthy person. I spend at least 2
hours a day physically managing my illness, not to mention the mental overhead
of my illness being at back of my mind constantly. So I've had to either
become more efficient, hire and delegate more effectively, or come to terms
with the fact that I can only expect so much output from myself (I've done all
three).

As far as finding balance in my life - I've done a terrible job at it, but I
was creating a novel product and rushing to get it to market. If I had to do
it again, I probably would have done the same thing.

My company is not yet successful and my finances are dwindling, so I'll going
to pick up some contract work and build up my reserves again. When I've got
enough money saved for another 12 month run at my company, I'm going to jump
right back in.

------
armagon
I have no first-hand advice, but this article may be of interest:
[https://stackingthebricks.com/chronic-illness-the-best-
reaso...](https://stackingthebricks.com/chronic-illness-the-best-reason-to-
bootstrap/)

------
surfsvammel
Me. We are a specialised consultancy of about 20. Suffering from IBD. Thus far
hasn’t been a big problem. If I need to be at the hospital, then that’s where
I am.

People understand.

But. Sure. It does require a bit more of me than if I was 100%.

Regarding balancing life. I think everyone needs to figure that out. I don’t
think having a chronic illness changes the basic fact. Everyone has problems.
Mine just happens to be my physical health.

------
pickle-wizard
I've been a cofounder a couple of times, never had any great success though.
Getting close to 5 years ago I was working on a startup in addition to my
normal job. I'd go to work, work all day, go to the gym for an hour or two,
come home work on the startup for 4 or 5 hours. Then I'd spend all day
Saturday and Sunday working on the startup.

Then one day I just stopped working on the Startup, quit going to the gym, and
was having to drag my ass to work where my productivity dropped to nearly
zero. I ended up quitting the the startup and giving up most of my equity. The
other founder went on to find another cofounder, they got an investment and
are doing pretty good.

Anyways I ended up feeling like crap for a few months and started to feel good
again. I had started a new job as a manager at my old job had went to a new
company and hired all the good people as soon as his non-compete expired. I
was productive at work, going to the gym again, and had started several
personal projects, bought a house and was making improvements there. I
attributed this to no longer working in a place that sucked.

Then I hit the wall again. Productivity in the toilet, quit going to the gym,
just stayed home all day watching reruns of MASH. This time it was pretty bad,
so I ended up going to the doctor.

I was diagnosed bipolar type 2. Well that sure explained a lot. I'm on meds
now that control it pretty well. I still have the swings, but they are not as
severe as before.

I haven't founded a company since I was diagnosed, but I did working for an
early stage startup for a couple of years. A couple of changes I've made.

1\. Really focus on saving money. If I decide to found another company I want
to be able to quit my day job and focus on just that. Saving money is easier
to do without the hypomanic spending sprees. Boy do I have some stories there.
Like the weekend that I spent $300 on socks.

2\. Set realistic goals for myself and time box what I am doing. I have to
understand that I still have the depressive cycle where I am not as
productive, but don't have the hypomanic cycles to make up for it. The big
driver here is setting a reasonable amount of work hours and sticking to it.
Hence why if I found another company I need to be able to quit my day job.

3\. I vet ideas a lot more throughly now. In the past someone would approach
me with an idea or I'd have one. I'd get all excited and run off and start
implementing it. Now that I have the requirement that I'd quit my job to work
on it, I research them better now. And I also ask my self do I really want to
be in that business. I've turned down a few ideas just because I don't want to
be in that business. I also look at the realistic return. Since I have to draw
down personal capital to work on an idea, I ask myself, would I be better off
just leaving the money in VTSAX? So far every time I've determined it is
better to just leave it in VTSAX.

------
ferus85
I'm actually building something specifically for the chronically ill. x YC
founder. Want to chat?

------
causehealth101
I'm a freelancer working from home for the past 8 years. I have:

\- Bipolar 1 \- Severe eating disorder \- Moderate/severe GI issues \-
Moderate/severe Anxiety \- Moderate/severe Agoraphobia \- Moderate Carpel
Tunnel Syndrome

There isn't much to balance at this point. I have averaged 10-15 hours of
work/week, which takes the form of a 1-2 months of working pretty hard
followed by 1-2 months of being unable to work due to depression/anxiety
leading to mental & physical paralysis. It's frustrating because I'm in a
super momentum-driven sales role, with high volume and consistent work
required to keep earning money. So I'm essentially shutting down the business
and its inertia every couple of months...then restarting! I'm good at what I
do and very fortunate that I can cover my bills and save on my meager
workload, but it's frustrating because my inability to work has deprived me of
at least $1 million over the course of my freelance career (based on my
earnings rate, my missed hours have cost me $100K+ per year). It's the missed
potential that is most frustrating. ...And don't get me started on the
substantial portion of my net worth I've gambled in the markets and partied
away during my periods of mania.

It has been a constant decline since a BP relapse and recovery in 2015, with
the above physical problems especially accelerating since then. In late 2016,
my GI problem escalated to a point where I couldn't make plans due to
unexpected multi-hour flare-ups that occur at least twice/week. This boosted
an already-serious eating problem (it's been my chosen method of self-
medicating for 20 years now) to a full-on functional disorder. That has made
the GI problem worse...and the cycle continues.

I haven't socialized, talked to a friend, or been on a date in 2+ years
(neither in-person or text/online). I text with my sister occasionally - she
lives 2 blocks from me, but I haven't seen her or her family in 3 months. I
try to see my parents once every 2 weeks.

The Carpel Tunnel only started a few months ago and has made both work and
reading extremely difficult. It's a pretty cruel one, having caused me to cut
my reading from around 60 to 10 hours/week (reading is my life). And work-
wise, I have this new physical obstacle to face - typing, scrolling, and
clicking are super painful - when I finally get in the moods to work. Gah!

I'm finally forcing myself out of the house to the Orthopedist tomorrow, so
fingers crossed (ouch, heh).

I'm not even sure I answered the question - feels like it devolved into a
rant. But it has taken so long to type this (breaks needed in between!) that
I'm just going to submit the comment anyways.

~~~
ddorian43
Do you take anything for BD1 ?

~~~
causehealth101
Currently:

1\. Lamictal since late '15\. Was originally on Lithium for the mania, but
grew tired of the side effects + kidney risks...plus, it had worked well
enough from '09 - '13, "Maybe I don't need it. Maybe I'm one of the 5% who
won't relapse." I dropped it and it promptly triggered a 5-month major mania
episode, followed by a 4-month deep depression (because I immediately ditched
my anti-depressants once I was rockin' the mania!).

2\. Effexor since January. I had been on Cymbalta for the entire time since my
diagnosis and felt, with things declining, it was worth trying something new.
The jury is still out on this one.

3\. Wellbutrin.

4\. Klonopin, as needed. I've always been super conservative with anti-anxiety
medications and avoided them. But clearly the problem has escalated in recent
years. So I'm working on accepting this as part of my treatment.

5\. Ambien.

------
Hydraulix989
If you’re chronically ill, you shouldn’t be risking your health by founding a
company. Take care of yourself first, you are competing with others that are
in tip-top shape.

~~~
Diaznash
That sounds like bad advice which has been used to stigmatise/marginalise
disabled people and people suffering from chronic diseases over the years.
Imagine telling Stephen Hawkins that. Imagine living your life only focused
about your health and never trying to achieve your dreams. That is worse than
any sickness IMO. Yes they may be at a disadvantage, working slower with many
distractions but then a solid idea eventually requires a team.

~~~
Hydraulix989
No, no, NO!

I am actually speaking from personal experience as an ex-founder with a
disability. My disability didn't stop me from founding a company (nor did it
stop me from becoming a state championship athlete and being one of the first
from my hometown to ever become admitted into a top-10 university), but an
unrelated chronic health problem kept me from being as productive as I needed
to in order to succeed in business.

A lot of health conditions can be worsened by overwork (remember Sam Altman
got scurvy while building Loopt?), and founding a startup is one of the
hardest things you could possibly do. I know plenty of otherwise healthy
people who ended up damaging themselves while trying to start companies.

To this day, I'm still recovering. Overworking and putting yourself in overly-
stressful situations is UNHEALTHY, full stop. I made necessary trade-offs (as
any sensible founder would) by eating cheaper food, skipping doctors' visits,
cutting back on sleep, falling behind on exercising, and getting bargain
basement health insurance. In retrospect, I definitely regret it.

It's a bit offensive to me that you are on here virtue signaling as some
champion of anti-able-ism even though you are likely perfectly able yourself.

~~~
schwurb
First of, all the best to you!

Regarding your point: That does not sound like an issue inherent to startups,
but more like an issue of bad prioritizing. Why does an start-up have to be
all-or-nothing? Robert Graham advocates this way of going in, but there are
plenty successfull examples of people keeping it low out there too.

Yes, stress is a killer, and startups are often more stressfull than other
jobs - but most of the effects of stress depend on how on is dealing with it.
And that can be trained.

