
The rise of Silicon Dad - sethbannon
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/885e1d28-a7c0-11e2-9fbe-00144feabdc0.html#axzz2RFeSPVFJ
======
divya
Nugget of truth buried in the [fun but not-too-novel] article:

"real progress in the workplace, for women and men, will come when more men
forge flexible work schedules and wash dishes in front of their children, then
turn those experiences into corporate policies."

Sure, in many industries and many parts of country/world, there are still lots
of battles to fight to eliminate discrimination and bias against women in the
workplace. But here in the SF startup circuit, I find this to be the most
relevant issue facing working parents. Because I'm a mom (and a valuable,
contributing member of my company), people don't hold it against me if I need
to take an afternoon off, pick up my sick kid from daycare, and then get back
online at 10pm. Pattern matching tells them that it's necessary "for a mom."
But if a male co-worker does the same, I don't think there's as much leniency.
Pattern matching kicks in yet again, and instead of being compared to me, he's
compared to other dads (many of whom might have a stay-at-home wife, allowing
them to put work first).

Still, we are lucky to be here on the bleeding edge of this issue. I almost
feel like this complaint is the femninist equivalent to a #firstworldproblem,
while women elsewhere being denied real opportunities.

~~~
mansigandhi
Are you kidding me? This is not a first world problem. I'm a female
entrepreneur in India. I've lived long enough in Silicon Valley for my husband
(and co-founder) and me to be acutely aware of how we handle gender issues at
home and work. But I face sexism on an everyday basis in society and in the
tech circles here. That in itself, is the reason the "real opportunities" are
denied for so many women in tech.

~~~
divya
I totally agree - my point was that in many places outside of SV/tech, there
are much bigger discrimination issues than the "men's work policies" issue.
Sadly, it sounds like you've found the same to be true.

------
SoftwareMaven
I started working primarily at home a few years ago and now work exclusively
from home. I can't express how much it means to me to be able to hear the
"post-school" info dump that my kids bring home, especially as my wife has
started to pursue her nursing career.

I screwed up and put too much time in the office and traveling when my kids
were younger. Sure, I got to see the world, but I think it came at too great
of a cost. If I could do it again, I'd do it very differently.

And now, as my kids are starting to leave the home, I'm beginning to find time
and attention to work on my own things in those extra hours instead of
building someone else's coffers. But I will still trade an evening at a MLS
game with my son over finishing another user story any day (such as tonight
:)!

~~~
jacquesm
Good for you, you got out in time.

~~~
mailshanx
You managed to echo my sentiment quite precisely. It's like, while you are
young, you had better figure out a hit startup that lets you exit with a large
pile of cash. Only then can you have the buffer to take it easy and enjoy your
time with family. If you fail to make said exit, then you end up tied to your
job, and will have to watch the world and your life go past you.

This thinking has filled me with an urgency and i really feel the need to get
the hell out of academia, and go on a "hunting spree" to make money...

~~~
garrickvanburen
My experience is quite contrary. I've worked from home the entire time I've
had kids (10 years now). Wouldn't have it any other way. No, I didn't have a
big exit, just made a commitment to a daily life optimized for happiness.

------
rayiner
I have found that it's somewhat easier as a man to take on domestic duties
without people at work worrying about your commitment. I took paternity leave
a month after I started working, in the middle of a very busy case. Nobody
blinked, and the only response I got was: "why didn't you take the full four
weeks?" This is a decision women agonize about--when and how to take parental
leave, committing to be available during the time, etc. Me, I just peaced out
--I think I checked my Blackberry twice in as many weeks (this is at a place
where people check their Blackberry last thing before bed).

As a man, I had nothing to prove. I had no inferences or presumptions to head
off at the pass. "Of course my having a kid doesn't mean I'm not going to be
available to work late nights from here on out, or that I'm going to leave in
a couple of years just after you're done training me. What a ridiculous
thought--I'm a man after all!"

------
noonespecial
I quit my full-time and started consulting literally the day my first was
born. My wife went back to part time as well. It did require a bit of
downsizing. Worth it.

 _Living_ a good life is better than " _having_ the good life".

------
guard-of-terra
The real WTF is that we "require" parents to be with their children for 12
hours per day. Why is that? Children should play with themselves and use
gadgets and play games and learn. They don't need to be watched by an adult
for 4/5 of their waking day. And parents should have time for their grownup
business. Four hours, in my opinion, should be more than enough. We should
structure our society around that assumption.

~~~
Avshalom
The time that children _need_ adults does not come in a convenient block. A
few minutes here, 20 minutes there. It likely adds up to _less_ than 4 hours
in total (once they're old enough to tie their own shoes or so) but it will be
spread out and unpredictable.

~~~
guard-of-terra
This is true. We should be working on children being able to be autonomous in
longer streaks; on children being able to resolve part of their needs via
telecommunications (cellphone is already a huge saver); on children being able
to use help of "an adult" (as opposed to "the adult", that is parent) - like a
slightly supervised playground.

------
johnvschmitt
This makes more sense every year:

It gets easier to run a business from home. Your website is your front door
for customers, so you need not have a real receptionist & office, and cloud
services just keep improving.

And, when you work at home, at something you love (your own business), you
have no problem motivating yourself to work nights, after the kids are tucked
in. And, mixing work time with kid time gives you good, rewarding breaks.

And, explaining my business issues to my kids gives me great practice in
better communication, & better clarity on my own goals, and smarter, more
aware kids.

That said, this works much easier with school-age kids. When they are under 4,
it's much much harder to work while taking care, as they need so much more
care.

------
trhtrsh
Wow, that's really sad lead-in: A mom who is "famous", so her daughter
introduces her to her friends via Google Search, instead of meeting them.

Hooray for egalitarianism, but it's still sad that any parent leaves their
child's life behind.

~~~
jckt
If it was the dad who was "famous", would you have made the same comment? Many
families are like that, for decades (centuries?) the fathers would be bringing
home the bread, the mothers staying at home, and nobody ever really called
those fathers out, as bad role-models or even just bad fathers. Sure there are
some that truly detach themselves from the family, but they are a small
minority.

In this case the mum's a rather busy person, as she's never seen around
school. But to say she's leaving her child's life behind? That's a bit harsh
IMO.

------
wyclif
This is a dupe; I posted the same story 18 hours ago:
<https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5588737>

~~~
jckt
This isn't Digg.

~~~
wyclif
Perhaps you should try using that line on someone who hasn't been on HN since
Week One, and doesn't have over 237 times your karma.

~~~
jckt
I don't see the relation between my criticism and your being on HN for ages,
but you make a fair point. Sorry about that.

