
How are you handling depression? - panjaro
If you have depression, wat do you think is causing it and how are you handling it while still working&#x2F;programming?
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malibublues
Sorry, non-English speaker's comment below:

I was depressed for almost 10 years. It started in my sophomore year of
college. Initially I would finish 3 hour programming assignments in 10-15
minutes and was the student representative of the CS department. I had a lot
of friends, and was quite 'normal' I suppose. Then things started literally
falling apart. I lost interest in my old hobbies, stopped talking to friends,
kept failing classes, found no pleasure in anything. I asked my roommates to
find another place and started living alone, and then decided to commit
suicide by cutting my wrists in the bathtub with a knife but pussied out when
the blade touched my skin... Fuck, what a nightmare.

However, I somehow dragged my feet through this misery and managed to graduate
(two years late and at the bottom of my class) and luckily bumped into an old
friend who remembered how good I was with computers back in highschool. He was
running his own company and offered me a (non-programming, IT) job. It was
great at first but once again the depression started rearing its ugly head and
I started slacking off at work, being late for appointments and isolating
myself again.

I tried doing the things people seem to suggest online like exercising
regularly (never could for more than a month), yoga, mindful meditation, but I
would always relapse.

It took me 6-months to finally get the courage and see a psychiatrist. He
diagnosed me with depression and anxiety and put me on lexapro. I could never
imagine how much 10mg of something could change your life.

Within a few days I started seeing major changes in myself. It rekindled my
interests in my hobbies (programming, gaming, reading etc.) my memory improved
tremendously, I felt compassion towards my friends and family, much more
social and became super efficient at work. Fast forward a year and I'm now CEO
of my friends company and I've dealt with some personal tragedies on the way
without relapsing. Things are holding up pretty well.

If you think you're depressed don't hesitate to seek help. If you notice
someone falling apart for no reason and might be depressed, offer to accompany
them to a psychiatrist and that you'll keep it confidential. (I wish I had
gone sooner)

~~~
panjaro
Thank you so much for sharing your story.

------
picardo
Like many on this thread, I've struggled with depression for a long time. What
marked the turning point for me was discovering cognitive therapy[0]. It
showed me that the way I talked to myself about what happened was the root
cause of my depression. I'm a born pessimist. It took several years of intense
effort to implement this technique in my own life, but thankfully it's allowed
me to achieve serenity.

One addition I made to the CT techniques was visualizing my emotions as having
distinct personalities –– Anger, Sadness, etc. I got this idea after watching
the recent Pixar movie. It's silly but it really helps to picture your
emotions as people who have their own agendas and are trying to manipulate you
into carrying them out because then your depression becomes a people
management problem. Consider the difference: 1) how can I manage Anger,
Sadness or Fear so they don't drive me nuts? 2) how can I cure my depression?
The first one is actionable, and the second one is not.

Despite having good results with CT, I'm convinced there is no magic cure to
depression. You only manage it all your life. But that's a good thing because
it means depression management is a skill you can cultivate, and that gives me
hope.

\---------------------------------

[0] [http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/cognitive-
therapy](http://www.webmd.com/depression/features/cognitive-therapy)

~~~
panjaro
what was the movie name?

~~~
cyberjunkie
Inside Out presumably. I should watch it too.

------
dgudkov
I used to have severe depressions in younger age that lasted for years killing
my relationships and career. I tried various treatments but they didn't help.
It went away when I learned a few things: first, how to not be enemy of myself
- not force myself into doing what I don't want to do, being where I don't
want to be. Second, learn how to let important things go out of my control and
give life a chance to make me happy. Third, I started figuring out what I
really like, and what I really want. It all took a lot of self-analysis,
writing and being ultimately honest with myself. It didn't come in 1 day and
it wasn't easy, but falling back into depression was a much worse scenario. So
there was no silver bullet in my case, just lead bullets. But it worked.

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a3n
Anecdote of one: My particular depression has responded very well to
Citalopram, an SSRI (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor). There are other
SSRIs, other classes of drugs, and other treatments including therapy.

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_i...](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_inhibitor)

Everyone who is depressed, or knows someone who is depressed, should keep in
mind that everyone is an individual, and there are many causes of depression.

If you are depressed, your _first_ stop should be a doctor or other
professional, as soon as possible. Today is Sunday, so call and make an
appointment tomorrow, Monday.

Do _not_ try to tough it out or ignore it. Your life does not have to be
miserable.

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teekaay
I am dealing with a bipolar disorder since I was 16. After an episode of total
motivation and some kind of reckless/risky behavior (cutting off friends
because they "do not fit" anymore, excessive exercising whatever interest you
in this moment and so on) a depressive episode is following, taking you and
your motivation down. Dealing with depression is hard and it gets even harder
when your social life and work performance is suffering because that takes you
down even more. Also, eventually reduce your amount of work and consider
taking a day off for a a consecutive amount of weeks. When you trust your
boss, talk to him. Executives are also humans!

Some people mentioned doing sports and in my opinion, this is one of the most
helpful things one can do. Running a mile maybe one or two times a week can
clear your mind from lots of negative thoughts and make you feel happier. In
addition to that, some people like Yoga/Pilates to calm down and rearrange
themselves. After all, the very most important step is getting professional
help! Depression can influence your whole life and it is always good to have
someone who is listening.

Summarized: \- Get professional help \- Do sports \- Write down what you feel
\- Reduce stress

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srose3100
Sometimes depression is situation based and sometimes it isn't. As a general
rule there are 3 aspects/areas of your life:

1\. Home life: How our your living conditions, bills, people you live with.
Are you comfortable?

2\. Work life(e.g. Work/Study/Job hunting): Do you enjoy what you do and is it
a good working environment?

3.Relationships: How are you getting on with Friends, Family,
boyfriend/girlfriend e.t.c?

If one of these area's is off then it's ok and you can usually cope if two or
more are off then you definitely need to try and change something. Alwyas talk
to someone about these feelings/situations as it's very hard to think clearly
or logically during these times you definatley need a second opinion. And
somethign to be aware of that a lot of people don't seem to know is imposter
syndrome which most people deal with at sometime or other. When you have the
idea that although you can do something your actually just fakeing it and
eventually wil be found out:
[http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/nov/09/impostor...](http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/nov/09/impostor-
syndrome-oliver-burkeman)

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replete
I've put up with depression for around 15 years. I wish I'd taken myself more
seriously earlier and seen a doctor. It's an illness, there is not always a
clear cause.

Atypical depression is characterised by mood reactivity and is the most common
form of depression (40%).

See a doctor, get some therapy for the bad thoughts that you've internalised
when you were depressed, and get a prescription.

Life can be great.

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random567
Are you exercising? I can't emphasize enough what a difference exercise makes.
Try going for a run or at least work up a sweat somehow - I've found it's been
an incredible support to my emotional well being.

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mangeletti
Exercising for 30 min per weekday at the gym has worked 100% for me, and I'm
much more healthy as a result. Don't think about it; just do it. Seriously.

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headwall
Thank you! After I read this all, I will go to a doctor. Thanks alot!

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nsuQAEsax
I am not handling depression, depression is handling me.

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docmars
I've dealt with depression for quite a while now, for a number of reasons
ranging from feeling cynical about a few things, girl problems, rejection, all
the way to not feeling like I belong in the place I work from not feeling
satisfaction in what I'm making, and feeling really limited in the solutions I
can bring to my team. Depression has proven to be huge soup of confusion and
feelings that are really difficult to sift through and understand.

Hyperbole and a Half couldn't have explained it better:
[http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-
in-...](http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-
depression.html)

How have I addressed all this junk? I've been seeing an EMDR therapist for
about 7-8 months now and simply talking through these issues, asking hard
questions, and confronting my feelings with an honest-as-possible lens. Much
of it has been tackling shame head-on, walking past it, and acknowledging how
much I've grown into a person I'm starting to love more. Part of it is also
finding nuggets of a person I once loved being and reclaiming them,
challenging myself to love others without restraint, have empathy, and place
others before me.

EMDR therapy in particular has been really interesting. While I don't think
it's an end-all solution, it has been well researched, and takes talk therapy
to a new level. It forces you to process memories as you would while sleeping
(specifically, REM sleep), with a hope to reprogram your feelings towards
those memories, or scenarios you've created that lead you to believing you're
much less of a person than you really are. It plays into the idea that we are
our own worst enemy, and say the worst things to ourselves which form our
identities, which in turn affects how we work (program), and where we stand
with others. "Surely I'm the least [important / impactful / compassionate /
loving] person in this room."

With all that said, I highly recommend seeking therapy if it's affordable, and
most of all, be as truthful and honest with yourself as possible. Confronting
your doubts and fears head-on, and replacing them with positive truths about
who you are goes a long way, even if it takes some time. It really helps to
have a therapist with you to affirm these truths. Remember, they may not know
you as well as the people in your life, but that's good, because this person
you're seeing is an unbiased support figure, fighting for the potential you
have in you. This may not be _the_ solution, but it certainly will push you in
the right direction to a life filled with hope.

But you know, there's something therapeutic about coding, where solving the
many problems we solve give us some sense of a victory. And that's something,
isn't it?

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hga
Mine's inherited and atypical, but the sorts of things being suggested here
have helped, e.g. a SSRI. I strongly recommend getting a copy of this book:
[http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-
Therapy/dp/03808...](http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-
Therapy/dp/0380810336/) or any other good guide to cognitive therapy, which
has an added behavioral aspect nowadays. Therapists ought to be versed in CBT,
and if things are bad enough they're worth a try.

------
MichaelCrawford
[http://www.warplife.com/mdc/books/schizoaffective-
disorder/m...](http://www.warplife.com/mdc/books/schizoaffective-
disorder/melancholia.html)

[http://www.warplife.com/mdc/books/schizoaffective-
disorder/s...](http://www.warplife.com/mdc/books/schizoaffective-
disorder/strange.html)

[http://www.warplife.com/mdc/books/schizoaffective-
disorder/r...](http://www.warplife.com/mdc/books/schizoaffective-
disorder/reading.html)

