
Why Your Cat Thinks You’re a Huge, Unpredictable Ape - denzil_correa
http://www.wired.com/2014/10/cat-thinks-youre-huge-unpredictable-ape/
======
edw519
How to Treat Your Cat (or Manager)

1\. Any cat > any thing, no matter how expensive. I wish my carpets and
furniture weren't all scratched up, but I really don't care that much.

Corollary: Any manager > any project. The project may fail, but the manager
may do another.

2\. Let the cat initiate all action. They will let you know when they want to
eat/sleep/play/cuddle/hang out. Respond predictably to their action.

Corollary: Keep coding until interrupted by your manager. Smile, listen,
pretend to care, agree. Then continue coding.

3\. Every time you return (even from the mailbox), greet the cat as if you
hadn't seen each other for years. I don't know how cats perceive the passage
time, but what difference does that really make?

Corollary: Document everything discussed with your manager and share the notes
during your next meeting to remind them of what they probably won't remember.

4\. Listen to the cat. They _do_ have words, just not in the same language.
Tonality and body language leave very important clues.

Corollary: Learn the definition of terms like: bandwidth, key results, deep
dive, follow-up, subject matter expert, and ROI so you know what the hell your
manager is talking about.

5\. Include the cat in your plans when applicable. They may surprise you by
enjoying watching football on TV, relaxing in the yard, or even eating
together.

Corollary: Give your manager a status report so they know what's going on.
Otherwise, they'll just interrupt you when you're right in the middle of
coding a difficult algorithm.

6\. If the cat gets scared, growls, scratches, or bites, you probably did
something wrong. Identify and correct the problem.

Corollary: If the project fails, it's your fault because it can't be your
manager's fault.

7\. Even though it's not human, the cat is a member of your family and should
be treated accordingly.

Corollary: Even though they can't code and have never built anything, your
manager deserves as much respect as anyone else.

~~~
obviouslygreen
Response to corollary on #7: "Anyone else" deserves about as much respect as
your cat.

The idea that a creature that enjoys destroying your possessions, arbitrarily
ignoring you for most of its life despite depending entirely upon you, expects
total obedience despite no contribution or investment, has never earned a
dollar in its life and has no concept of what a dollar is or why that might be
important to it, intrinsically deserves anything so important as _respect_ is
ridiculous.

I'm not suggesting you leave your cat or your manager out to rot with the
garbage (though I wouldn't argue, in most cases). But to suggest that either
of these creatures, by default, deserves any measure of respect is hilarious
to me.

~~~
xioxox
_has never earned a dollar in its life and has no concept of what a dollar is
or why that might be important to it_

Huh? What has earning money got to do with respect? Many people I respect
don't have money as any of their main goals. Surely, money is only a means to
an end and not an end in itself.

------
saool
"You won't believe what happens after Wired turns into Buzzfeed".

~~~
jordanpg
It's OK, this one's legit. It's on Wired.

------
jchendy
"This is because cats evolved as solitary hunters with little need for reading
social cues, especially those for behavior modification."

[...]

“How the hell is your cat supposed to know that you’re yelling at him because
you want him to stop scratching the couch?”

[...]

"When your cat does the thing you want her do to, reward her with a treat, or
affection."

If we accept that cats can't learn from negative reinforcement, why would we
think that positive reinforcement would work?

~~~
XorNot
This is all wrong though.

Domestic cats have been domesticated for a long time. Cats which live with
humans (or even other cats - they do naturally form colonies) adopt a number
of pro-social behaviours to interact with us.

They are in fact very adept at reading social cues - but conversely they are
not pack-animals. They don't have the same instinctive need to identify a
hierarchy of command, so much as "mess with" and "don't mess with".

~~~
puzzlingcaptcha
>Domestic cats have been domesticated for a long time.

That sounds like lamarckism. Or do you suggest that cats were selectively bred
for their social behaviour? I find it dubious.

~~~
Sharlin
How do you think domestic cats came into existence? Prosocial behavior and
tolerance of humans are traits that are equal parts nature and nurture in
cats. Obviously current housecats are descended from those wild cats that were
more accepting of human presence _and_ had traits that made them accepted by
humans as well. Still, individual cats must learn to interact with humans, and
if they aren't habituated to human presence during the first couple of months
of their lifes, they end up very different psychologically compared to if they
are.

~~~
warfangle
The domestication of dogs happened a lot longer ago, and probably a lot more
organically (more like what you're thinking). The wolves would follow us
around while we hunted (or, alternatively, we'd happen on one of their meals
and chase them off), and the less human averse among them got more food.

Cats happened about the same time agriculture did. They were attracted to the
rodents, and less rodents meant we were happier - and they were happier with a
reliable food source. At the beginning it might have helped to not be afraid
of humans, but we probably didn't mess with them too much because they were
helping us out with all the mice in our grains.

So the difference in behavior is clear, not just from a social species
standpoint, but from the domestication path:

The European Wolf was domesticated to dogs as a hunting partner; the African
Wildcat was domesticated to kill the rodents that devoured our foodstuffs. For
the few few thousand years that was probably enough - they didn't have to make
friends with us, just keep our food safe.

Earliest cat domestication evidence is 9,500 years old; earliest dog
domestication evidence is about 36,000 years old.

They've still got quite a ways to go ;) Now if we could just start breeding
them for social/intelligence instead of how weird and fluffy we can make them.
Hard to morally advocate for breeding when the shelter/feral population is so
damn high, though. (I feel the same way about dogs, though, tbh).

------
click170
The BBC just did a 3 part special called Cat Watch where they follow the lives
of several cats in a small town in the UK, attaching small cameras to the cats
to see what they get up to, and demonstrating things like how cats use their
whiskers to "see" things right in front of them because their vision is poor
at close range and how they communicate with us. I recommend it if you're a
cat person.

~~~
GFischer
I agree, it's an amazing documentary, obligatory if you're a cat person:

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnbRoRmRV2c](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnbRoRmRV2c)

(I normally don't watch long videos).

~~~
vladnyc
blocked :( This video contains content from BBC Worldwide, who has blocked it
on copyright grounds.

~~~
click170
It's still on TPB.

People ask why I don't use Youtube. This is a big contributing factor.

Just torrent it and send a polite email to the BBC asking them to make it
available in your area, or watch it on BBC iPlayer if it's available to you.

------
hvs
Free cat advice: If your cat is going outside of its litter box, it is most
likely because it isn't cleaned regularly (would you like to stand in poop to
go the bathroom?). You should be cleaning it at least once per day.

~~~
gadders
Or install a cat flap and let your cat go outside?

~~~
ohhoe
Yeah so your cat can go to someone elses house, or get run over by a car, or
get attacked by animals.

Great suggestion.

~~~
objclxt
Having lived in both the U.S. and the U.K. it's interesting to see the two
different attitudes to cats. In the UK, letting your cat outside is the norm.
The shelter I adopted from wouldn't _give_ you a cat unless you were able to
let it out (or the cat had feline AIDS and needed to be kept indoors for
protection).

But it's the complete opposite in the U.S, and although that makes sense in
some places (a lot more predators in the countryside), in a city like San
Francisco the risks seem identical to those of London. It's very strange. Of
course, in the UK cat owners aren't legally liable for their cat's actions
(cats, unlike dogs, are deemed by the law to be free agents), maybe that's not
the case in the states.

~~~
npsimons
Where I live, if you let your cat(s) outside, sooner or later they will be
eaten by coyote or mountain lion. I am not exaggerating. There's also the
issue of cats decimating the local bird population:
[http://theoatmeal.com/comics/cats_actually_kill](http://theoatmeal.com/comics/cats_actually_kill)

~~~
objclxt
Well, I did say in my original post I wasn't talking about the countryside.
One would hope there aren't mountain lions wandering the streets of, say,
Brooklyn.

Cats do kill wildlife, but their impact is often overstated. The RSPB (Royal
Society for the Protection of Birds) in the UK has no issues with cats being
let out, but recommend they have bells on their collars. The majority of birds
that cats kill are sick, frail, or otherwise in poor health.

To quote the RSPB: "there is no scientific evidence that predation by cats in
gardens is having any impact on bird populations UK-wide"[1].

[1]:[http://www.rspb.org.uk/makeahomeforwildlife/advice/gardening...](http://www.rspb.org.uk/makeahomeforwildlife/advice/gardening/unwantedvisitors/cats/birddeclines.aspx)

------
bayesianhorse
On Youtube there is a channel called "Cat Mojo" by someone called Jackson
Galaxy. He also has an animal planet show called "My Cat From Hell".

His approach to behavioral problems in cats is quite fascinating. And it seems
to work. For anyone involved with cats, this is a must-see.

~~~
probablyfiction
I had no idea that Jackson had a youtube presence. I'm going to have to check
it out. His Animal Planet show is hilariously awful, though Mr. Galaxy does
seem to know how to interact with cats.

~~~
erroneousfunk
He's kind of like a cringe-inducingly awkward quirky friend you can't stop
hanging out with, even though you KNOW it's going to be slightly
uncomfortable. I feel the same way about Alex Trebek.

------
pessimizer
"Why Your Dog Thinks You're a Large, Friendly Dog."

------
Amorymeltzer
Because we are.

~~~
RankingMember
Exactly where my brain went, and, as a former Wired subscriber back in my
teens, I feel like either my memory of them is fuzzy, or they've become more
of a click-bait BuzzFeed-y kind of publication as time has progressed.
Probably just fuzzy memory. ;)

~~~
pestaa
You mean they've been click-bait BuzzFeed-y kind of publication the whole
time? :)

I was never a Wired subscriber, but a lot of content now seems garbage I used
to joyfully consume as a teenager.

------
pilif
_> He just doesn’t know how to connect your negative reinforcement with his
behavior._

I don't know. The one time I got seriously mad at Yoshi (my cat) was when he
bit through an ethernet cable. That was the one single time I've actually
squirted water at him and threw him out of my appartment.

Since then neither my ethernet cables nor my iPhone USB cables got bitten
through any more (he also knows that chewing on iphone cables and headphones
is a very good way to get attention).

There's a lot of stuff I let slide with him (maybe too much - I love him to
bits), but he really seems to respect the fact that chewing on cables is a
total no-go (also: bloody dangerous - some carry current)

~~~
tfinniga
Yeah, that bit of the article was not very good.

Several paragraphs to say "Your cat can't figure out negative reinforcement -
their brains just can't handle it! Change the environment instead."

Then right next to that, it's all "You should give your cat positive
reinforcement, that totally works!"

Not that it's bad advice to have positive reinforcement come from you and
negative reinforcement come from the environment, but the explanation is poor.

------
bambax
I have a cat and I talk to her and she talks to me.

There's a couch she likes best but I don't want her on it; every time she goes
near it I just say "no" and she turns around (she won't get off of it if she's
already on it by voice alone, though).

If there's no food left for her she comes to my study and does a very specific
meow, and I know I need to replenish the thing.

She sleeps during the day and lives outside during the night, bringing back
the occasional dead mouse on the front porch in the morning.

We don't have that many interactions but we understand one another, I think,
pretty well.

------
huehue
"Exposing her belly is not a trap the cat is setting"

Nobody buys this.

~~~
ssebastianj
Something I've learned over the years ( and five cats) is: Never touch a cat
when he/she is taking a sunbath. It's a trap!

~~~
randallsquared
I live with two cats who both think that you rubbing their bellies while
they're sleeping is only their natural due, and they often protest when you
stop.

~~~
brightsize
Agreed, that part of the article is simply wrong. My neighbor's big fat fluffy
cat comes over whenever it sees me outside and immediately flops over on its
back and starts rolling around. It seems to luxuriate in having its belly
rubbed, and crave touch in general. Flop and roll, belly rub, get up, rub
something, flop and roll, belly rub, over and over. Eventually it's had
enough, goes over and scratches a tree, then waddles off.

------
bpyne
Unpredictable is my cat weaving its way downstairs every morning in front of
me and suddenly stopping. I'm sure something puts his senses on high alert but
you'd think after the first few times I tripped on him, knocking him down the
stairs, he might learn.

He's been a great addition to our family but, to sum up my experience with a
cat: he's an overly neurotic animal with some of the finest reflexes I've ever
witnessed.

~~~
kosma
He thinks that after a few times you should learn to pay attention to what's
happening in front of you. What kind of hunter are you if you constantly bump
into other hunters? ;)

------
jordanpg
There is something interesting buried in this article: "Without the cognitive
ability to connect your outburst to their scratching, cats see only chaotic
aggression."

Unfortunately, the author asserts it without evidence. How cats understand
cause and effect relative to humans is something I ponder from time to time.

------
gadders
Reading that article, I can't help but think most of those problems would be a
lot less likely to occur if your cat was allowed outside with a cat flap or
similar.

If you're cat goes outside you tend not to need scratching posts and litter
trays for starters.

~~~
josefresco
At least in my part of the world, coyotes and foxes prey rather successfully
on household pets allowed to roam freely outside.

~~~
gadders
In the UK we really only have neighbour's dogs. Foxes tend to run from cats.

------
ck2
If you've ever had shingles you'd never name something you love shingles!

But one thing I know about cats is they really have a set routine, getting
them to change it is near impossible, you juat have to go with the flow.

~~~
RankingMember
As someone who started brushing their cats' teeth after
cavities/tartar/gingivitis caused a lot of pain and resulted in some expensive
extractions, change is possible, but you've got to stick to it 100%, no matter
how much blood you lose.

------
valevk
My cat purrs like a drunk after passing out, when I give him belly rubs!

------
duckingtest
Want to tell a cat to follow you? Stare him in the eyes, then drag your eyes
slowly, turn back and start going. The reverse is true too - that's how a cat
tells you to follow you. For a "no" or "get away" I found hissing to be the
most effective.

>“Cats don’t understand glass, but they do understand height,” Buffington says

This statement is false, my cat definitely understands what glass is.

------
chris_wot
If I ever get a cat, it's name will be Dr Buffington. But only because
Chairman Mao is tacky.

~~~
percept
I came here to write the same thing (thus upvoted).

~~~
chris_wot
Whimsy on HN will always be downvoted :-)

~~~
chris_wot
See what I mean?

------
ohhoe
I won't hear it.

My cat loves me and thinks I am a giant cuddly friend.

And dispenser of food.

