
Ask HN: What keeps you up at night? What do you worry about? - parkeragee
Just generally speaking, what do you worry about the most? Family&#x27;s safety &amp; health, finances, work, etc.?
======
kiloreux
Not being able to make enough money. As I lived in extreme poverty in my
childhood (and all that changed thanks to online MOOCs). I now work as remote
SE and I have around $10k in savings. I am graduating with robotics and AI
masters degree. But I always fear that I will lose all my money and be poor
again. I literally prefer dying than being poor again. The worst days of my
life, I couldn't have a proper childhood because of that, it's the thing that
I fear the most in this life and haunts me everyday.

~~~
sjg007
True but you survived it. You adapted and made something out of it. Don't
forget that strength. No one can take that a way from you.

------
PerfectElement
My only daughter stopped breathing and turned blue 3 days after she was born,
and I, lucky to have attended a first aid course just 3 weeks prior to that,
was able to perform CPR and make her regain consciousness. She's 14 months old
now and perfectly healthy, but the horror of those minutes where she was dying
in my hands still haunts me. It's getting better, but every now and then my
brain briefly relives those moments.

~~~
rahiel
Thanks for sharing, shows why we should all do a first aid course.

------
Red_Tarsius
1) Climate change and the collapse of modern civilization.

2) Dying before having children or proving my worth. Living in poverty.

3) Losing face. I don't want to disappoint my family anymore.

4) The fear of diabetes and other illnesses.

5) The cultural and demographic destruction of Europe.

~~~
sordidasset
Is #5 really happening?

------
deftnerd
Money & being the sole income earner in the house (wife and 3 kids) and doing
it by freelancing. Like most Americans, we live payment-by-payment.

The other problem I have is anxiety, procrastination, and similar issues.

If you're asking this to fish for product ideas, I would love to see a managed
task-master assistant service.

Remember that story of a guy that used to pay someone to sit next to him and
hit him whenever he was procrastinating? Something similar could be set up
where when your day starts, you connect with your assistant via video chat.
They can watch everything happening on your screen.

At the start of the day, they should spend some time asking what you want to
get done and break it down into a task list for you and feed you pomodoro-like
chunks. An assistant could monitor 4 to 8 people at the same time with the
right software (screenshots and list of open window titles).

A paid task-master or accountability-buddy. Maybe $3 or $4 an hour for the
service.

~~~
landon32
Have you thought about setting up a system like this with another freelance
friend? Every day you could hop on a call with them and tell them your goals.
You can help each other flesh out task lists and determine 'pomodoro-like
chunks'.

It seems like you wouldn't really need to hire someone for this, you can just
find an accountability buddy who would benefit from these meetings too.

------
jbreckmckye
I worry that I'm wasting my years on a career that keeps me comfortable but
doesn't really exercise my mind. I often daydream about working in academia,
journalism or some other vocation where I could be paid to research, think and
write. Then I snap awake and get back to writing generic web applications
shuffling strings around.

~~~
holistia
I'm a tenured professor, and I came here to post that my wife and I are
struggling with whether or not we should move and I should quit my career. She
has a job offer, and we've had realtors over to discuss prepping our house for
sale, so it's not a purely theoretical question.

Part of the issue is that I don't know what I'd do next. I'd probably watch
our child for a couple of years, and then my best guess is to go get a second
undergraduate degree, in comp sci, maybe a combined bachelor's-master's
degree. But I don't know.

The problem is that academics is a corrupt mess on the inside, and people on
the outside, like legislators, push for solutions that will only exacerbate
the problems. Its as if your child had diabetes and certain influential
physicians' groups started advocating that the best thing for diabetes is to
eat lots of simple carbohydrates.

Yes, you theoretically have a lot of freedom in academics, but there's lots of
caveats to that. Nowadays, universities only care about what brings in money,
so even if you think something is important to research and you don't need
money to do it, if it doesn't bring in grant dollars, it doesn't matter,
regardless of citation rates. Social dynamics are about 80% of success as well
--fads are rampant, and who is credited with something is wildly unpredictable
(just last night, I read that something that is commonly cited in my field,
even more so than Watson & Crick's DNA paper, reflects a misattribution of
credit, which the author actually is explicit about in that paper. It's as if
everyone attributed helix structure to Watson & Crick, but if Watson & Crick
explicitly stated in their paper "hey, this isn't our idea, we got it from
Smith & Jones" and almost no one remembers Smith & Jones).

I could go on and on.

The worst part about it for me is that I feel trapped. Universities tend to
hire younger untenured faculty because it's cheaper, and there's only so many
places to go anyway. I miss the geography of home, and feel out of place in my
field and society (just hypothetically, imagine being a historian by degree,
but who does research on signal processing in an archaeological imaging
context--reasonable enough, right? But now solve the problem of how to do PR
with the conservative legislators who think the liberal arts are useless and
should be gutted). Also, I've specialized so specifically it's hard to figure
out how to transition to something else (again, who would hire a historian who
specializes in archeaological imaging research?)

I often feel like all I want is to do is live someplace that I like in terms
of climate, and is modestly interesting. Most of the time I feel like I'd
rather be putting together generic web apps in a place I love than being
forced to live someplace that feels alien to me because of some freedom and
security that is anything but.

------
urahara
All injustice of the world keeps me up at night. That good people are dying.
That many people have no way out of slavery, poverty, survival mode. That it
happens while rich and powerful deny them a chance. That war is everywhere in
one form or another. That centuries will pass before we get many of today's
problems fixed. That many people stay broken and miserable despite having what
seems to be normal life from the outside. That racism, sexism, bullying are
everywhere. That so few people actually care about all those things.

------
orange_county
What happens after death? Do you simply cease to exist? What happens to your
mind and soul? I'm not a religious person but sometimes I wake up in the
middle of the night thinking about this. It's such a weird feeling when you
think deeply about it.

I try and not think too much about it.

~~~
rpod
I've also experienced this kind of existential dread on and off for the past
10 years or so. What really helped me was reading the work of Alan Watts. I
find the idea of the concepts of "self" and "other" being mere illusions and
that everyone is the universe looking at itself through a different lens
really appealing, and makes the idea of dying someday more acceptable to me.

------
iSloth
The past few years have been really hard with family health. On a similar
theme, my fitness could be better, but it's not something that keeps me up at
night.

Outside of the family/health stuff, I'd say my biggest worry is actually
getting something meaningful done in my life. Don't get me wrong, I've got a
good job with a well-paid salary and benefits, good family life and
financially comfortable, I'm happy and grateful for all that as well.

However, I know I'm technically capable of doing or building something
interesting, and ideally profitable to a point that it could be a business to
support me. But I always seem to be stuck in the somewhat cliche spiral of
pointless procrastination, browsing HN under the false pretence of fishing for
ideas and inspiration, which is really just fueling the procrastinating.

I'm not sure if my head is just wired differently to others, but I really
struggle to find ideas that aren't a blatant copy of others, and the original
ones I can tell are flawed by design or the market is so small that it'll
never me more than a little bit of Adsense revenue etc. Similarly, I'm envious
of others people's focus to actually get something built, shipped and
profitable.

------
finaliteration
That a history of trauma and lack of stable attachments in my life has but one
likely outcome: The eventual end of my life by my own hands.

I see a therapist regularly, but I've always had this sense of being a broken
individual who is always a few steps behind everyone else. It feels hopeless
and definitely keeps me up at night.

~~~
cuckcuckspruce
Most people are broken. Only people who have had a fantastically privileged
upbringing and have never felt want don't feel broken in some way, and even
then, they likely fake it to fit in.

I feel like I'm living in a reference counting memory management system - once
nobody else depends on me then I will be reclaimed as garbage. It's what keeps
me fighting to stay connected to everyone I know, but it's so tiring.

------
_RPM
Gaining weight. I love eating. I could eat a lot of food. I also have night
eating syndrome. So I usually have my first meal of the day very early in the
morning around 2:00 AM or so. This happens after I fall asleep. I will wake up
in my sleep and grab food from the kitchen, usually about 400 calories worth
of food. Then, I go back to sleep. I haven't been able to solve this problem.

~~~
parkeragee
[https://www.amazon.com/Marinelock-MLDOORW-Refrigerator-
Door-...](https://www.amazon.com/Marinelock-MLDOORW-Refrigerator-Door-
Lock/dp/B000QD32MY)

~~~
_RPM
That looks to be a potential solution. Thank you. I will make sure not to have
snack foods in the cabinets that are able consumed without cooking (e.g.
chips, cookies, etc.) I only keep rice, pasta, and sauce in the cabinets.

I could also lock the key in my mailbox before I go to sleep, then grab it in
the morning.

~~~
ddorian43
Do you exercise ?

~~~
_RPM
3 to 5 times a week, cardio (30 to 60 min.)

------
psyc
I don't worry about anything, but Netflix tends to keep me up at night.

------
stephen82
Hmm, let's see what keeps me up all night.

    
    
      * Unemployed for 2 years
      * 35, single due to unemployment
      * I feel lucky; no kids to torture with this misery
      * Mortgage ~= 209K euros
      * Thinking of ways to make a living
      * Companies avoid hiring me for some reason and they simply reply back with an "overqualified" email.
      * If I was given the opportunity to change profession, what would be the ideal job for me?
      * OCD, Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), introvert by nature. Now that's a deadly cocktail!
      * Have zero friends to go out, plus living in the mountains with parents (thank you financial recession)
      * Bloody vampires (mosquitoes) around the room, they are everywhere!
      * Remembering things I did when I was 6 or 7 years old and feel embarrassed now. It happens all the time...

~~~
ddorian43
Damn dude, that's messed up (sorry). Assuming you're a programmer, can't you
make a `incremental persistent improvment` program ? Like fixing stuff 1 by 1.

Let's start: Do you train ?

~~~
stephen82
My major is Computer Science, but my professional experience is around
Technical Support.

I was never given the opportunity to master a language and I have been
experimenting with programming since 2003, always at an academic level.

On the other hand, as I say "what you know or think you know, has nothing to
do with reality".

When you say train, you mean exercising and such? No, the only thing my body
can handle is walking. When I exercise or do any other form of physical
activity, I get sick easily and takes me a whole week to recover.

Now about incremental persistent improvement, I do my best to improve myself.
To give you an idea, I was surrounded by negative people and decided to cut
ties with nearly all of them to save myself from pessimism. I still have a
long way to go, but I'm getting there.

~~~
ddorian43
Yes I meant exercise. Have you checked with a doctor about your issue ? Can
you swim (should be best for body&mind) ?

Do you eat healthy food ? Do you get enough sleep ?

Do you know python (or some other lang) ? Can you check projects on upwork (or
similiar) and start from the bottom and work your way up (what I did) ?

Can you do a program where you list all your issues and beneath them list
several optional things that you think you can do/try to improve them, put
them on a todo-task-list and try to work on them everyday (by marking) and
doing/checking some stats ? (is there a program for this, kinda want it for
myself too)

Where do you live ? Have you tried checking meetup.com or similar sites for
activities/events to do (..hard in mountain I guess?) ?

Any drugs ? Like, do you smoke ?

~~~
stephen82
> Yes I meant exercise. Have you checked with a doctor about your issue ? Can
> you swim (should be best for body&mind) ?

Yes, my doctors told me that my system is such that is vulnerable to excessive
exercise and sudden weather changes.

> Do you eat healthy food ?

Yep, Greek food all day and all night.

> Do you get enough sleep ?

Like a good looking princess.

> Do you know python (or some other lang) ?

Yep, I know Python (Django is sexy!), C, C++, PHP, JavaScript - Node.js
(ES2015 / ES6), some Perl / Lua, etc etc.

> Can you check projects on upwork (or similiar) and start from the bottom and
> work your way up (what I did) ?

I have tried remote jobs and could not compete with Chinese, Indians, and
Pakistani developers. They offer cheap labor and a rich portfolio, whereas I
was not given the slightest chance to compete; so I gave up on that.

> Can you do a program where you list all your issues and beneath them list
> several optional things that you think you can do/try to improve them, put
> them on a todo-task-list and try to work on them everyday (by marking) and
> doing/checking some stats ? (is there a program for this, kinda want it for
> myself too)

Being an OCD person obliges you to be organized lol, so yeah I have done my
TODO list and I have it right in front of me right now to be honest with you.
Comparing my past self with the present one, I have improved by orders of
magnitude.

> Where do you live ? Have you tried checking meetup.com or similar sites for
> activities/events to do (..hard in mountain I guess?) ?

In Cyprus. As an introvert, I can't stand being surrounded by people. It
exhausts me within minutes and I need to get back home, to get in my room to
recharge. Some times I get so exhausted that I need vitamin support to heal;
it sucks -_-

> Any drugs ? Like, do you smoke ?

COFFEE! LOTS AND LOTS OF COFFEE!

~~~
ddorian43
Can you somehow fix the introvertness (i have no idea) ?

Can you quit coffee ? I did, and now only use it on special situations.

~~~
stephen82
Introversion is not something that can be fixed for the simplest reason: it's
a trait not a disease. I really like being an introvert, but I need to figure
out ways to make a living by surrounding it.

About quitting coffee, I thought about it and probably I should...some day!

------
SirLJ
I also used to worry about money after buying the 1st house - it is always
more expensive than every projection or budget you make + there is always
something to do/repair or buy... Fortunately for me, those worries are in the
past and I am sleeping like a baby again...

------
sr2
Generally I tend to avoid doing things that would keep me up at night. I used
to be fascinated by the dark web / dark net, but some of the stuff on there is
enough to give you post traumatic stress disorder, and I still have to be
careful surfing the dark net. I usually stick to political blogs where people
would be very soon silenced if they tried voicing those opinions on the
clearnet. Marginalized communities, whistleblowing blogs, tutorials on how to
'exit the matrix' and become independent from Big Brother, etc

------
0x54MUR41
Doing a side project (open source) is what keeps me up at night. I don't know
why, I just push hard myself at least there is one commit a day. Beside that,
I think random things a lot. I always waste my night to think about it rather
than plan or take an action.

I worry about my health. My sleep time is decrease. I have to wake up in the
morning and then go to office. When my sleep time is not enough, I wouldn't
focus. I lose my valuable time for starting my day, like exercise and
meditation. I heard that would be a problem if you don't have enough sleep.

~~~
ddorian43
So you don't exercise ? How about swimming ? Should also help you with the
sleep, from the exhaustion. Like try swimming for 1 hour uninterrupted and
you'll be ripped/slept.

~~~
0x54MUR41
I don't swimming. I just walk to the office or store. That's my daily
exercise. Anyway, thank you for recommending swimming to me. I want to give it
a try.

~~~
ddorian43
I'm on my first week of swimming and am really liking it (used to kickbox +
run previously). Hell you can even get water-resistant mp3-player (i did). But
just walking is too little.

------
elorm
I worry about getting corrupted by money and power. At first all i wanted was
enough to survive. Then i found out "enough" had no physical barriers. The
more money you have, the more you do to keep it or and the more you do to make
more.

I worry about being 40 or 50 or 60 and having as much money as a man could
dream about and yet finding no peace or having no memories. I worry about
looking back to when i was 25 and all i can remember is sitting infront of a
computer hitting a keyboard with all my strength and watching that time pass
away, never to be regained.

~~~
ddorian43
Can you change to a part-time job (and then try to earn as much as possible on
those 20hours/week). Any hobbies (beside computer) ?

------
AnimalMuppet
I worry about my kids' ability to earn a decent living.

------
nxsynonym
That I will get burned out trying to pursue my passion while holding down a
day job to pay the bills, and that unless I give up my passion I will never
have a day job lucrative enough to live a comfortable life (savings, house,
car, "essentials").

In essence, I'm afraid of having to sacrifice what makes me happy for living a
comfortable life.

------
nunez
That by the time I'm finally done with my student loan and credit card debt,
something else will come around that will yet again prevent me from hitting my
financial goals.

That I even accumulated $40k worth of credit card debt in the first place.
This wasn't one of my proudest decisions.

That I'll never be happy with what I have and will always strive for more.

That I'll lose my fiancee/wife in the process.

~~~
ddorian43
What are your goals ? Everybody makes mistakes, you don't have to feel so bad
for the $40k. I see that you didn't expect it from yourself, right ?

Why do you think you'll lose your wife ? Any bad habits (gamble, smoke, no
exercise) ?

~~~
nunez
$10M invested in index funds within 10 years is my ultimate goal. This will
enable me to essentially live my current lifestyle without needing to worry
about work.

More immediately, saving up for a down payment and house fund ($30k for the
down, $10k for the house fund) and an emergency nest ($30k) are what I'm
looking at.

The credit card thing was interesting. I used to be pretty vigilant about
keeping debt down especially with how high my student loan debt was at the
time ($200k, now $48k) But then I discovered credit card churning. I tried to
churn cards to collect airline miles, so I signed up for a few of them. I also
used to get bonuses ($20k or so) that would pay off whatever debt I amassed in
one fell swoop. Those bonuses eventually stopped coming (i left finance), but
my spending didn't drop off. I also never did a good job at tracking them. (I
do now and have for the last year.) One thing lead to another, and I
eventually piled on $40k.

The ironic thing is that I eventually became a travelling consultant and now
amass plenty of miles without even trying.

I'm afraid of working so hard that I'll neglect her.

------
tjalfi
I worry about earthquakes (Seattle), machine learning eliminating technical
support jobs, and longer term career prospects.

------
Heraclite
I worry about not being brave enough to quit my day job (developer) and
develop the app that I KNOW would be successful if executed properly.

Also, not being able to build a family later if I fail in my next venture. I'm
31 and feel the pressure to build a family somehow.

~~~
ddorian43
How many months have you saved up ? Can't you move somehow to part-time and
continue doing the app on the side ?

Why no family after next venture ? A friend of mine started creating a baby at
50.

~~~
Heraclite
I have 6-12 months saved up. I guess I could do part time but I feel like I
have to go all-in on my app for it to be a success.

------
twobyfour
Never being able to retire.

My country turning into either a theocracy or an autocracy (or maybe both at
once). Whether there's any way to stem the tide or get out before it slides
any further.

Those are the big ones.

~~~
ddorian43
What do you do and where are you from ?

~~~
twobyfour
Software development; USA.

~~~
ddorian43
Where I'm from (AL), 200K+ (3M population) people enter a lottery every year
to migrate to the USA. Like they dream of it, the american dream. You're not
that bad. Maybe too much media ?

You can go to EU. Easiest country to go to (and best for english!) is NL (i
went but I like more working remote in a cheap country). The wages may suck
though and you won't be able to save a lot and retire early. Hell, you can go
and then return back.

Do you exercise ?

------
pedrodelfino
I am worried about my grades and my scholarship. I am doing a really tough
courses on the Applied Mathematics degree and, currently, my grades are not
really good.

~~~
sjg007
Study! It's worth it! Or drop it down a level. Maybe you have too many classes
going on. Work load might be too high.

------
sidcool
That I am an imposter and will not achieve, in personal and professional life,
anything significant. I might be wasting my life.

~~~
ddorian43
Many people feel it:

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome)

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect)

------
random_coder
That I am not good enough to do the things I dream of doing.

------
max_
I think I am having mental breakdown.

& I don't know what to do about it!

~~~
AnimalMuppet
If you're serious, get help. Get it from a counselor - it doesn't have to be a
full psychologist. They should know if you need more than they can offer, and
can refer you to someone who's a better fit.

~~~
max_
I once told some one "I trust". but they just made fun of me.

~~~
partisan
It is interesting how people react when you tell them something that is not
part of the script they are used to hearing. Some laugh things like this off
because they are uncomfortable with what you are telling them and have no
other way to deal with it other than to joke.

------
djohnston
Neurodegenerative disease.

