

You'll Never Be As Successful As You Want To Be - bennesvig
http://bennesvig.com/2012/02/03/youll-never-be-as-successful-as-you-want-to-be/

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ajkessler
_> >No one really wants to help you unless there is something in it for them
or it fits into their larger plan.<<_

Some good points, but I've found this one to be wildly untrue. Almost
universally, I've found really successful people want to help other people
become really successful. Like his other points, you'll have to initiate and
ask for their help, but I've never met anyone successful who isn't willing to
give to just about anyone.

~~~
sachitgupta
Whats in it for them? Largely based on experiences, one way to get successful
people on your side and helping you - ask them for advice. But more
importantly, follow through and actually do something with it. And then keep
them updated.

Most people won't take action, and doing something is a very easy way to
separate yourself from everyone else.

~~~
joelrunyon
Exactly. But those people don't want to help you until you start asking them
for something and _do something_ to separate yourself from the crowd.

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lubos
... unless you start making demands?

while I agree with the article. title of this submission is very misleading!

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Swizec
Sure, you'll never be successful - whatever your definition of success - if
you don't _do_ anything about it.

But I think there's an even more important point about never being as
successful as one wants. When you set up a finish line, eventually you will
start approaching it, as soon as you are near it that finish line doesn't seem
so enticing anymore.

In fact what you thought of as "successful" a while ago will seem rather
mundane and boring once you get near enough to actually reach it. So you move
the finish line forward - to what you _now_ consider to be successful.

Many of us probably do this, at least most of us here on HN, because we like
to push ourselves. We like to edge on and on and figure out where the actual
limits are, not where our self-set limits are.

Which is great, it makes you awesome in the eyes of many, problem is, you
can't ever be happy this way. There's always _more_ that you want.

So how do you solve _that_ problem?

~~~
maigret
The usual boring response on that, but which I found always more true every
day, is that you've got to enjoy the path forward to actually be happy. When
looking back to my life, I think the moments I were going forward were the
happy times - the ones backward were a bit harder.

You've got to decouple your happiness sentiment from your overall self-worth.
People's happiness doesn't grow much once they've got 50000$ a year a famous
study said. But one's self-worth still grows when millions of $ are adding.
Once you've conscious of the difference between the two, you start decoupling
a bit your happiness from your success. Of course, you can't totally, but
letting things a bit loose helps your health, stress, and life quality. Trying
too much is dangerous.

Last, don't forget life isn't undimensional (god would that be boring if so).
Beside the success you define, there are friends, love, entertainment
elsewhere. It's not a path, rather a space where you can go to many many
directions _additionally_ to the success strategy you define for yourself.

~~~
Swizec
Oh I'm not talking about money at all. I find money to be simply a side-
product of things I want to do that I consider successful.

But, for example, I want to publish a book. I know for a fact as soon as I
publish it, I will be all mad at myself because it isn't a bestseller. Once a
book becomes a bestseller, I'll be mad at myself that why haven't I written
two bestsellers yet?

When I have two bestsellers I'll be upset that why didn't I put more deep
meaning in them and wrote trash.

Or to take an example I've already got the "achievement unlocked" on. My blog
gets ten times more monthly traffic than it did a few months ago, but I get
really upset with myself why I no longer seem to be able to produce regular-
ish spikes like I used to? Or that one post that got insane traffic, why can't
I write something as good/popular anymore?

Things like that. I'm the kind of person that honestly enjoys the journey, but
I just always want more more more.

As for money, eh, I'll be happy when I can simply not worry about that. Money
isn't something to be happy about, money is a tool to do cool things with.

~~~
ido
You ask the question as if you don't know the answer, even tho you have stated
it quite clearly (and it's common adage):

    
    
        Happy is he who is content with his lot.

~~~
Swizec
Easy to say, much harder to do. The question isn't so much _what_ but more
along the lines of _how_ ;)

