
Why don't more American men take paternity leave? - pseudolus
https://parenting.nytimes.com/work-money/paternity-leave
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scarmig
Isn't the simplest answer that most American men aren't offered paternity
leave?

To be coupled with the fact that even those who are are still expected to be
the breadwinner, which paternity leave interferes with.

Much (all?) of the differences in outcomes between men who do and men who
don't is easily attributed to men in higher social classes having more
paternity leave, more stable marriages, and fewer economic stressors.

~~~
oob205
Availability is only part of the answer. As article notes, even when it's
available, far fewer men take it. In my experience, it still comes down to the
known hit to your career. I worked for a large tech co. in a "liberal" city
that offered generous parental leaves. Most new mothers took many months off.
Fathers, if they took p-leave at all, would take it in small chunks. Not
having to leave work for a long period helped their career growth/trajectory
tremendously.

~~~
Analemma_
I’m curious which company and city this was? Because I also work for a large
tech company in a liberal city, and almost all the fathers I’ve worked with
took at least some paternity leave, although less than women.

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pravda
"Men who take leave are less likely to get divorced, and have better
relationships with their children, research shows."

Correlation does not equal causation.

~~~
bobthepanda
Indeed, and even if it was it may well be in the opposite direction. E.g.
people who have better relations with their children are more likely to take
paternal leave

~~~
elygre
What, they take leave after the children are old enough that the father-child
relationship has proven to be a good one?

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adolph
As far as I’m aware “paternity leave” is a benefit offered maybe by a select
few employers but certainly isn’t common in the US.

“The [Family and Medical Leave Act] entitles eligible employees of covered
employers to take unpaid, job-protected leave for specified family and medical
reasons with continuation of group health insurance coverage under the same
terms and conditions as if the employee had not taken leave.”

Depending on how the employer arranges leave, an employee can use banked leave
during FMLA leave to get paid during that period. Given the terms of FMLA and
the significant cost of healthcare premiums it makes sense for one spouse to
not take lengthy leave.

[https://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/](https://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/)

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eledumb
I believe that __a __job is waiting for you, not necessarily your old job, and
the job that is waiting does not need to be at the same level or salary.

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akeck
I did take mine. By combining one week of paternity leave and two weeks of
vacation, I learned I was stress eating at work. By week two, I was deep in
the monastic experience of infant care (no infant health issues, thank God). I
didn't even notice my eating slowing down. I was down 10 lbs by the time I
returned to work.

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MaxBarraclough
Why has the thread title changed to _not_ reflect the NY Times article name?

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rjohnk
I took a couple days off when my children are born, but as any dad/husband
knows, after mom is set up at home and extended family visit and leave, there
isn't much to do. I was bored after a few days so didn't mind working. Baby
eats, poops, and naps. Dad gets in the way. :)

~~~
nradov
It's a shame people are down voting you for sharing a personal experience.
Perhaps it's some sort of moral judgment?

My experience was similar. When my children were born my in-laws came to visit
for months and did almost everything. There wasn't much for me to do and I
felt like I was mostly just in the way, so after a couple weeks I went back to
work. Fortunately I had a short commute and a somewhat flexible schedule so I
could come out and help when needed.

~~~
treis
> It's a shame people are down voting you for sharing a personal experience.
> Perhaps it's some sort of moral judgment

The "Dad just gets in the way" part earned my downvote. If that was his
personal experience, well, there's no nice way to put this, but that means
he's bad at being a dad/husband. Even if we accept that Dad has no role in
breastfeeding, there's still diaper changes, laundry, baths, and cleaning up
various messes. Then there's helping out mom recovering from child birth and
all of the cooking/cleaning to support normal life. With all that needs to be
done and the best you can do is just get in the way? Not a good look.

~~~
rjohnk
Ha! Thanks for the judgement. I'm a very good dad/husband, and I never said I
did nothing. I just stated i went back to work after a few days. I was always
home in the evenings, weekends, mornings.

