

“I Feel Like”: This Has to Stop - bmmayer1
http://brianmayer.com/2015/07/i-feel-like-this-has-to-stop/

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loqi
I quite consciously use "I feel like" to mark lowish confidence statements
based primarily on fuzzy intuition or perception ("I feel like it's less work
to move my eyes from side to side than up and down").

Contrast with "I think", which I think is more appropriate for statements with
at least some deliberate thought behind them, or involve more concrete
propositions ("I think Brand X hardware is unreliable", "I think it was last
Wednesday").

So the author's example of "I feel like that would look better in blue" looks
like a perfectly cromulent use of the phrase to me. If it's mostly a gut
feeling about a subjective perception, why not use language that disclaims it
as such? Apparently he feels that the disclaimer serves to shield the speaker
from disagreement, but I'd have to disagree with him on that.

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intopieces
Linguistic prescriptivism is a worthless endeavor. More effective -- and this
article touched on it briefly -- is working to foster an enviroment where the
people who use the phrase "I feel" are encouraged to state their opinion
boldly. The comment about how the phrase is used more often by women is
intuitive. Women are more likely to use 'hedging,' to avoid or de-ecscalate
conflict, most likely because their position is less often authoratative to
the speaker (especially in the workplace). It's also more common for many
minorities, who have lived their life with the implict agreement that their
presence there is tenuous.

Telling a person that they way they speak is 'wrong' without idenifitying the
reasons they might be speaking that way is a lazy form of criticism.

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bigtunacan
I don't see an alternative being offered in this article; should people say
instead

“I believe Republicans hate poor people.”

or maybe

"It is my opinion that Republicans hate poor people."?

It would seem the author is suggesting that instead I should say, "Republicans
hate poor people." Now I have changed the statement from an opinion to a fact.
While I would not say "I feel that two plus two is four", since this is not an
opinion, "I feel like" in modern English is commonly used as one method of
indicating your opinion.

Also by "softening" with a "this is my opinion" style phrasing we indicate
that we are not close minded, but rather we are open to having an intelligent
discussion surrounding the opinion, and thus open to learning and persuasion
if presented with evidence that counters our opinion.

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thaumaturgy
I usually use "I think" for opinions I have that might be wrong in some
objective sense.

But, even better is to not state unfounded opinions at all. If you don't have
some concrete reasoning behind your opinion that Republicans hate poor people,
then it probably isn't worth saying out loud.

~~~
bigtunacan
The “I believe Republicans hate poor people.” is an example I took directly
from the article and was not me stating my own opinion.

I agree that "I think" is also an acceptable way of indicating that you are
giving your opinion rather than facts. The author seems to be indicating
however that opinions should be delivered as statements; which changes the
meaning and impacts the potential outcome of reasoning and discussion.

~~~
thaumaturgy
> _The “I believe Republicans hate poor people.” is an example I took directly
> from the article and was not me stating my own opinion._

I didn't intend to imply otherwise. I was using "you" in the general sense.

> _The author seems to be indicating however that opinions should be delivered
> as statements_

I didn't read his article that way -- can you point out where you got that
impression? I just went back and re-read it and I still didn't see it making
that argument.

I read his argument as being specific to "I feel like". For example, these
lines:

> _I have a theory that this phrase truly took hold in the feel-good, self-
> esteem driven, sharing-is-caring educational environment that permeated the
> 90’s childhood._

and

> _For instance, if someone does something offensive to you, tell them how you
> felt affected, not how wrong they were._

The closest thing I can find to your reading of it is in the next paragraph,

> _Instead of becoming more certain about ideas or beliefs we hold, we use
> verbal legalese to de-escalate our statements._

But I use "I think" for things I've actually thought about. If I haven't
thought about something then I wouldn't bother opening my mouth (or keyboard?)
about it.

Maybe the author can chime in here.

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thaumaturgy
YES! Thank you, Brian, for writing this up. I loathe that phrase, it grates on
my nerves every time I come across it, and I've been noticing it more
frequently too.

When writing or speaking, I usually use "I think" instead -- if I don't have
some kind of factual statement to make at the ready -- but that seems off-
putting to the "I feel like" people.

I have a slightly less charitable opinion of the motivations behind "I feel
like" that you partly touched on: because feelings are supposed to be
unassailable, "I feel like" allows someone to state their opinion without fear
of having to back it up with any kind of consideration, so people get to say
silly things with equal or even greater weight of less silly things. "I feel
like Mitt Romney would be a bad President" doesn't invite quite the same
argument that "Mitt Romney would be a bad President" does.

~~~
rrss1122
I always used "I feel like" interchangeably with "I think". Never felt like
(there it is again!) it would shield me from having to defend my opinion. I
would still do so.

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Mandatum
I understand using different statements like, "I feel like", "I can see that",
etc can be used strategically depending on the listeners personality. If
they're a touchy-feely person, use "I feel like", if they're a visual person,
use "I can see that", etc.

Not much science behind this, but it's a common sales technique. Using words
like "feel" makes the statement feel (heh) more personal. Depending on the
environment this might benefit the person making the statement.

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anthony_romeo
Interestingly, according to the Google Ngram search, the phrase "I know" has
also had an uptick since the 1980's.[1]

[1]
[https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=I+know&case_in...](https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=I+know&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CI%20know%3B%2Cc0)

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vicaya
Also interesting: it's like.

[https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=it%27s+like&ca...](https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=it%27s+like&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3)

Even more dramatic rise than "I feel like".

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gesman
I wish very long articles were accompanied with two paragraph text summaries.

Quite often i am interested in subject and know for a fact that the essence of
it fits in two paragraphs, although I do not have 1/2 hour to read it in a
whole.

~~~
fartbrain
Seriously? This is like a 5-10 minute read, tops.

~~~
thaumaturgy
Welcome to the Twitter Generation.

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Jordrok
"I have a theory that this phrase truly took hold in the feel-good, self-
esteem driven, sharing-is-caring educational environment that permeated the
90’s childhood."

Is saying "I have a theory" really that much different than saying "I feel
like"?

