

What (else) can men do? Grow the f*** up - rmason
https://medium.com/p/77a37fd43530

======
a3voices
The biggest reason why you don't "deserve" sexual attention is because you are
competing with lots of other males. If you were the only guy on Earth, then
you would have endless amounts of it. So you need to be extra personable and
nice to compensate for the lack of scarcity.

------
exidy
"Boys who like computers are taught that we DESERVE sexual attention from
women. We need to get over it." \- what bizarro-world did this guy grow up in?
Being unattractive to to members of the opposite sex is pretty much the sine
qua non of the nerd stereotype.

~~~
jgeorge
Thank you. Came here to say exactly that myself.

------
Mz
Excerpt:

 _So why do I overreact more egregiously to criticism from women, when all of
my childhood bullies were boys? The answer, I think, has less to do with the
boys who bullied me, and more to do with the well-intentioned adults who tried
to “help” me through that bullying: When I was a nerdy kid, adults regularly
assured me that the abuse I suffered was acceptable because one day I would be
entitled to constant positive sexual attention from women._

I don't think this is remotely unique to nerds, tech people, people who were
bullied, etc and I am not sure having such expectations is very dependent upon
explicitly getting such messages. I think it's a lot more complicated than
that. I am female and I read as very feminine and even women wind up having
abusive expectations that I should be motherly towards them and not expect a
fucking thing in return for being helpful, empathetic, etc. I am 48. I have
spent a lifetime working on finding a way out of being everyone's doormat and
bitch. If I were male and "nice" to other professional men, it would be a
professional bonding experience -- ie Networking. But I am female so it's just
something sexual or emotional and no reason to take me seriously. In fact, it
often seems like a reason to avoid me because they feel too much and it's a
problem. Or some such.

I think it's a lot more complicated than this guy makes it. Sorry about his
yelly anger management issues. I don't think this is a great piece. I also
don't agree with his assertion that _... your experience of being bullied or
picked on or excluded entitles you to absolutely nothing from anyone ever. It
is yours and yours alone to deal with._

It's a fact that one person's pain and problems impacts other people, whether
they know of them or not. The fact that so many men are not very realistic,
egalitarian, etc certainly impacts women and others. We need to work together
to solve this. United we stand. Divided we fall. This blame game and ugliness
does not help.

