

Disruptions: It is rude to send a "Thank You" e-mail. - nickbilton
http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/03/10/etiquette-redefined-in-the-digital-age/
Some people are so rude. Really, who sends an e-mail or text message that just says “Thank you”?
======
incongruity
Apologies, but I'm shocked by the self-centered, entitled crap I see here;
most if not all of those annecdotes speak to the self-important, self-absorbed
nature of modern society.

(Side note: this isn't just my opinion - there's a decent amount of research
on the growth of narcissism in modern scotiety. Look at the work of Dr. Jean
Twenge, for example)

A small example:

>My father learned this lesson last year after leaving me a dozen voice mail
messages, none of which I listened to.

If you enable voicemail and allow people to leave you messages, it's on you to
listen to them. Social interactions are no different than product or software
design - don't include an affordance for a feature that you don't want the
user to use or, worse, will result in guaranteed failure to accomplish the
desired task. The fault _isn't_ the caller's.

~~~
greenyoda
Another indication of Mr. Bilton's self-centeredness and entitlement is that
he posts tons of articles from his own NY Times blog (and nothing else) to HN,
assuming that we all want to read it:

<http://news.ycombinator.com/submitted?id=nickbilton>

Other than those posts, his total contribution to HN was one comment made over
a year ago. It's a bit ironic that someone who can't even be bothered to
listen to his father's voicemails would assume that a community that he
apparently doesn't consider himself a part of will want to read everything he
has to say.

~~~
DanBC
Not as bad as some people, but still:

(<http://imgur.com/OxrsFTP>)

------
rm999
I can't tell if this article is supposed to be sarcastic or tongue-in-cheek. I
actually think it's part of a worrying pattern from nytimes to be idiotically
controversial, perhaps to increase readership and link shares.

Anyway, I'll assume it's serious. A great piece of advice I heard a long time
ago: if you constantly feel you're in a rush or don't have enough time for
small tasks, you're probably not actually busy, you're mentally disorganized.
Simplify the way you perceive the world and properly prioritize things. I feel
like that advice applies well to this article. A superfluous e-mail is not a
big deal.

------
schmrz
_My mother realized this long ago. Now we communicate mostly through Twitter._

My first impression was that this is just sad but I guess that different
people (and cultures) have different expectations when it comes to
communication.

With that said, the author is living inside a bubble created by his
environment and his expectations. Saying that everyone should conform to his
way of communicating is rude. Saying "thank you" to someone (through whatever
communication channel you find most appropriate) is generally not rude.

------
tedchs
Are people getting so many 2-word "thank you" emails a day to show this
article has a valid point? Don't get me wrong, sending merely "thank you" as a
reply-all to a 200-person recipient list is one of the biggest email sins. But
as a unicast, it serves the purpose of acknowledging receipt. If it was worth
sending, it was worth knowing it was received, understood, and appreciated.

~~~
webwanderings
I think you're missing the point. Sending a thank-you note to a 200-person
list is a waste of time and rude to those who don't send such notes at every
occasion. If you need acknowledgement than what's better than knowing that
other person has read your email? (the default behavior of Facebook messages
by the way). It is however another matter if the person who read your email
decide to not reply back.

I think this article makes a lot of sense.

------
davidmr
Maybe this is why the people I interview almost never send us thank you notes.
Here I thought it was just a general decline in etiquette, but they're really
just being respectful of our time!

Seriously though, I'm curious how many people send thank you emails (or even
cards) after an interview. I was always taught that it was extremely rude not
to do this, but I'd say as a conservative estimate, we get thank you e-mails
after less than 1 of every 10 interviews.

~~~
incongruity
Interesting.

I'm recently out of graduate school and I've been interviewing for full-time
positions recently. I send a thank you email 8-24 hours after every interview,
with very few exceptions.

In contrast, I've been surprised/disappointed by the general vibe I've gotten
in the interview process with a number of employers, large and small. Put most
simply, there's little respect shown for candidates' time or situation. (This
has been echoed through watching other classmates' experiences as well, so
it's not just me being a low-value candidate)

The specifics vary, but it always clearly a one sided interaction and little
effort is put in to relations with potential employees _except_ for the most
high-profile, rock star candidates.

To me, that seems to be a serious failing - I appreciate the mindset that says
you should treat employees with the same mindset that guides your interactions
with customers - especially in high-talent or high customer contact industries
where employee satisfaction translates quickly into real business value.

So, I guess my point is that I feel the job search process reveals more about
society in general when viewed from both sides.

Still, I will always send the thank you notes. I figure the place I want to
work is one that appreciates the small gestures as well as the big ones...

~~~
greenyoda
_"Put most simply, there's little respect shown for candidates' time or
situation."_

And the same companies that treat job seekers rudely will probably complain
about how hard it is to find qualified employees these days.

 _"To me, that seems to be a serious failing - I appreciate the mindset that
says you should treat employees with the same mindset that guides your
interactions with customers..."_

A lot of big tech companies aren't known for their wonderful customer service
either.

------
biff
Rude: "Thank you", vocal communication, simple requests for information

Perfectly acceptable (?): futzing with electronics when dining with others,
talking loudly into the ether regardless of setting, sending passive-
aggressive links to Google

Manners aren't passé, simply underappreciated in some quarters. In others they
can make all the difference.

------
hnacc10
This article is a result of what happens when you have no idea what to write
about but you need to get something out quickly + when you want to sound
sophisticated and socially progressive.

------
jerrya
Fwiw, I'm in the habit of sending thank you emails but I always change the
subject from:

 _Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit_

to

 _Re: Lorem ipsum dolor sit -- Thanks!_

(On disqusish comment systems, I often upvote a reply to suggest I saw it
rather than reply once more.)

------
hsmyers
Another haxor wannabe (regardless of his age) using tech as an excuse to be
rude. Kinda like programmers and their endless complaint about documentation
:)

------
bluntly_said
This is self-centered and egotistical to a fault. So a thank email is too hard
to deal with, but I'm expected to read him whine about them?

