

Ask HN: Do you ever feel guilty about what you have? - thetylerhayes

I mean in comparison to people who have much less than you. You know, the old chestnut of: "I am so privileged and have so much, and yet there are people out there who don't even know if they're going to eat again this week."<p>I'm not pointing fingers, I'm just curious as I often struggle with the issue of reconciling all my privileges (and wants) with the fact that billions of people live in poverty.
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michael_dorfman
Bill Gates, giving a commencement speech at Harvard:

 _My mother, who was filled with pride the day I was admitted here – never
stopped pressing me to do more for others. A few days before my wedding, she
hosted a bridal event, at which she read aloud a letter about marriage that
she had written to Melinda. My mother was very ill with cancer at the time,
but she saw one more opportunity to deliver her message, and at the close of
the letter she said: “From those to whom much is given, much is expected.”_

[http://www.networkworld.com/news/2007/060807-gates-
commencem...](http://www.networkworld.com/news/2007/060807-gates-
commencement.html?t51hb)

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blippy
First off, it's not your fault that there are other people who are worse off
than you, so there's really no logical reason for you to feel guilty.

Secondly, instead of feeling negative, why don't you help in some way. It
doesn't matter if your contribution is small. Try it, and see what happens.

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nirajr
I live in India, and yes, I do. For anyone conscientious here, this is a very
common feeling (Even when we have earned whatever we have most scrupulously)

For me, I worry more about some people not getting an opportunity to do well.
The fact that there were many kids born at the same time as me who did not get
the opportunities that I did pains me more than me having stuff that many
around me don't.

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ajdecon
I tend to think in terms of what the community's return-on-investment is with
respect to my upbringing and support. Society has collectively invested a lot
of money in me without demanding a direct return: some very good state
scholarships and a fellowship to go to graduate school are only the most
obvious and quantifiable contributions. There are many more indirect examples,
government services and institutions which have helped me in a more diffuse
way. These are shared and less quantifiable, but they still helped in an
observable fashion.

I appreciate the help, and I will feel accomplished in some way when I feel
that I've contributed an equal or greater amount back to the community.
Charitable contributions, volunteer work, growing a company, generating
employment and wealth, and paying taxes willingly are all activities which
contribute to society. That's not to say I won't help myself along the way--
I'm human--but I think there are plenty of ways to simultaneously support
yourself and support others, and I think it's worth keeping that aim in mind.
"Providing a positive ROI" is obviously a long-term project, but I think it's
as good a goal as any.

As for addressing unfairness, it's a hard problem and I don't claim to have
good answers. All I can think to do is be compassionate and look for chances
to help others. I can't hope to help those starving billions, but I _can_ help
the guy down the street who needs someone to watch his kids while he goes to a
job interview; there's nothing wrong with helping locally.

TL;DR: Think about how others have helped you, pay it forward and try to leave
the world a better place. The rest is details.

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jarsj
I feel it all the time. Especially in India where high standard living goes
hand to hand with super-poor living.

~~~
thetylerhayes
What do you do about that feeling? What would you like to see done? Anything
the online tech space/startup scene can provide?

~~~
jarsj
Nothing aggressive. I make sure people I employ gets paid well. I give tips
generously. I have taught young kids in slums and I donate my clothes and
other used stuff quite generously. I don't give to beggars because it's like
supporting an industry that should not exist at the first place. It really
hurts to say not to these folks.

You really need to be on the ground to help these folks. There are NGOs and
social organizations doing this on the ground. I think online tech space can
either assist this (for example a web app for an NGO that collects clothes) or
a startup that tracks/rates various NGOs and monitors their funding/spending
etc.

I am no expert. My few quick thoughts.

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rms
No, one of my goals in life is to save all humans. Though I could give myself
some fuzzies in the meanwhile by donating to Village Reach and saving the life
of an infant.[http://www.givewell.org/international/top-
charities/villager...](http://www.givewell.org/international/top-
charities/villagereach)

I will match the next $100 donated to Village Reach, reply here with proof of
your donation and then I'll donate.

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spiffage
No. As a person of relative privilege, it's your duty to generate value for
the world with as much aggression as you can muster.

The world is a crazy place full of pleasure and suffering. The world doesn't
care what you deserve; what matters is what you're gonna do about it.

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joshklein
I don't feel guilty about what I have, but I do feel guilty when I take what I
have for granted.

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viggity
Don't EVER feel guilty about what you have unless you stole or deceived your
way into getting it.

You can feel thankful or maybe lucky, but never guilty. There were a lot of
people who have made a lot of sacrifices so I can be in the position I'm in.
The most important person who made sacrifices was myself - I've spent an
INSANE amount of time perfecting my craft and now I'm reaping the rewards.
When most classmates were hitting the bars, I was slinging code. When most
were playing xbox, I was slinging code.

I'm not trying to say you shouldn't ever help anyone else, I do all the time -
but I'm never going to feel compelled to do it.

"I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of
another man, nor ask another man to live for mine" - Ayn Rand

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danilocampos
I feel something that might be in the neighborhood of what you're describing,
but it's different. It's more "Why haven't I figured out a strategy for
helping more people get closer to where I am?"

I have the benefit of being guilt-free overall. Statistically, I have no good
reason to be anywhere close to where I am. So many hispanic kids end up
involved in gangs, in jail, on drugs, or worse. My cousin, for example. Is
dead. With a d.

So how did I beat the numbers? I got lucky because even though my mom got
pregnant with me at 20 (common) she worked extremely hard (outlier), showed me
the right way to go about living my life (extreme outlier), and then when I
got old enough, I took over. Pushed hard, dreamed big, worked a lot, and was
enough of a pain in the ass to get toward the career I want. I have my mom,
computers and the internet to thank for everything meaningful I have today.

Still, I won the ovarian lottery in that I was born in North America in a
country whose baseline standard of living is luxurious from a global
perspective. So I feel a deep and abiding duty to advance the human condition
in such a way that a larger percentage of other people get access to the
silver bullet that cures all human bullshit: education.

Education is how we get everyone on its feet. I don't know how, yet. But
fixing education is key to giving everyone who wants it a chance to be where I
am today. Without the opportunity to learn, I'd be in jail, shooting up, or
stuck in a dead-end job with no hope.

There's got to be a way to get more people on that train.

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stackthat
Almost all the time, also I feel even more guilty for not helping them out
enough.

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kingsidharth
Don't judge yourself or others. And you will never feel guilty. That's my
mantra.

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mathogre
No.

