
I Keep Quiet About Being a Cancer Doctor - dnetesn
http://cancer.nautil.us/article/254/why-i-keep-quiet-about-being-a-cancer-doctor
======
toomanybeersies
I keep quiet about what I do, even though I'm just an ordinary software
developer.

I feel like there are much more interested facets to me as a person. Also, I
get tired of all the dumb, ill informed comments people make about my field of
work. Goes for any industry I guess.

Also, people assume I can fix their computer.

~~~
shoover
Heh, more interesting facets as a person is a good way of looking at it. I
once had a neighbor address me as, “You’re IT, right?” (She had WiFi
questions.) Yes, that is my identity.

Nurses and schedulers always apologize because their systems are slow. In that
context I volunteer what I do and apologize back. They appreciate the
understanding and it’s fine because they don’t have time or inclination to ask
questions.

~~~
Mz
_“You’re IT, right?” (She had WiFi questions.) Yes, that is my identity._

(In an alternate universe:)

Rips shirt open, revealing the letters _IT_ emblazoned across the t-shirt
underneath. In deep voice, replies:

"Why yes, yes I am. I attend parties for the sole purpose of rescuing hapless
party goers from their IT woes. How may I be of service?!"

~~~
shoover
I want that t-shirt.

~~~
Mz
Here you go:

[https://www.zazzle.com/it_t_shirt-235771206132335085](https://www.zazzle.com/it_t_shirt-235771206132335085)

~~~
shoover
I couldn't read your vignette without seeing a superman logo on the shirt. I'm
kicking around ideas like this:
[https://photos.app.goo.gl/OePJOQocUAnvzwbt1](https://photos.app.goo.gl/OePJOQocUAnvzwbt1)
(click to zoom out, Google?)

~~~
Mz
That's great. Much better than my concept.

I will have to think on that, see if I can do something with it.

If I happen take that and run with it, are you okay with me turning it into a
t-shirt?

~~~
shoover
Feel free.

------
codegeek
A lot of us in tech can relate.

Q: What do you do ?

A: I am a Computer Networking Engineer

Q: Sounds great. So you build websites ?

A: Umm not exactly but I am aware of how websites work.

Q: So you can build a website ? Like one of those Godaddy ads ?

A: I can surely help you find someone to build that for you. I am just an IT
guy.

Q: Oh you mean IT guy who fixes computers/printers etc ?

A: Kinda. The weather is really great today, isn't it (subject changed)

~~~
jordanlev
> _I am a Computer Networking Engineer_

> _Sounds great. So you build websites ?_

That's funny -- I _am_ a web developer, and when people ask what I do I say "I
build websites"... which is invariably followed up with "oh so you're a
designer".

(Then I follow up with "no, I'm more involved in the plumbing and wiring", and
by then they are usually bored).

~~~
codegeek
yea. I also remember the classic "webmaster" from the 90s and early 2000s.

~~~
iakitao
Made me laugh, I'd forgotten that term. Such gravitas... the Webmaster.
Reminds me of IE 2 and Java applets (and trenchcoat wearing tragics that
thought they'd found power).

------
jlebrech
"oh, you're in IT. can you fix my computer?"

"oh, you're a doctor. can you fix my cancer?"

~~~
pi-rat
A friend of mine has both a PhD in computer science, and a M.D. He basically
looks like a giant flashing single point universal problem solver for people
that run into him.

Wise from old mistakes, now he just lies if the guy next to him on a plane
asks what he does.

~~~
KGIII
I hate being introduced as Dr. KGIII. Almost invariably, I'll get asked
medical questions.

I'm a mathematician.

~~~
RBerenguel
There's nothing that can't be solved by some version of the implicit function
theorem

~~~
KGIII
I used to drink, a lot. My then wife would take me to fancy parties where we
ate things I can't pronounce and I pretended to care about the appropriate
cutlery. She'd introduce me as Dr. KGIII and, sure enough, I was asked medical
questions.

More than once have I drunkenly handed out bad medical advice.

~~~
NotQuantum
I wonder if you can get sued for malpractice if you're a math doctor. They'd
need proof either way.

~~~
KGIII
I will not be baited into math puns.

At HN, going off on a tangent is frowned upon.

------
Mz
TLDR:

"The very label I live with causes such Big Feels in anyone who hears me utter
those words that it is a huge, exhausting derail to ordinary conversation. So,
most of the time, I would rather just not go there. Kaythxbai."

I can relate.

------
tyingq
I'd just pick a boring synonym that's not a complete lie. _" I'm a doctor, I
work in the area of cellular kinetics. Boring stuff, really...what do you
do?"_

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uptownfunk
In some strange way reading this almost motivates me to want to become a
"cancer doctor", makes my life feel somewhat mundane.

~~~
laurentdc
Yeah, makes me want to be useful to people in a way they can understand or
relate to.

------
geetfun
I can relate. Having been both a medical doctor (former career) and as an
tech-related entrepreneur, I hate telling people what I do, why I left my old
job, and if I make any money at all in my new job. No joke, I just tell them
I'm a stay at home dad. Anything else would reveal too much and draw too much
attention.

------
mrlyc
At a motorcycle club party, one of the people there revealed that he was a
motorcycle mechanic. Big mistake.

I like solving puzzles so I'm quite happy to fix computers for free for
friends, family and my neighbour who is chronically ill. I also volunteer at
our local community computer centre.

I did draw the line at fixing them for free for one of the centre's customers.
Both he and his wife are working, they have two cars and own their own home
so, after spending two four hour sessions at their home, I directed him to one
of the commercial home-visiting operations. He has younger-onset dementia so
teaching him to use a computer was challenging. He'd forget half of what I
showed him and get the other half wrong.

------
ph0rque
"So, what do you do?"

"I'm a professional liar. Right now, I am lying about my career".

------
glibgil
Educated man discovers the answer to the question, “How’s it going?” is always
“fine, you?”

~~~
amorphid
I prefer to reply "living the dream, you?".

~~~
201709User
"Better than many, not as good as some".

------
thoman23
ITT: A whole lot of people who don't like to talk about what is usually
people's favorite subject...themselves.

Now I am off to find a random person to describe my ideal tech stack to before
fixing their computer.

------
ringaroundthetx
You just have to find the right answers, but when I change roles it is a new
challenge:

I recently started my own thing in the bay area, and no matter what the topic
is people say "congratulations" when they find out I'm doing my own startup or
the CEO or Co-founder of the operation. I wasn't expecting that, what are you
congratulating me for? I get it, people think I have all this capital and
earned the ability to take the risk, or have the validation from the backers,
and they wish they did. But that just lacks context right now.

------
m1n1
There's a pastor who sometimes answers this question with "I'm a doctor for
souls." .... The answer "Pastor" can be a conversation killer.

~~~
chrisseaton
This is strange - a pastor is a pretty ordinary job and has lots of polite
follow-on questions like 'where is your church'. 'Doctor for souls' sounds
like you're you're either giving me a nonsense answer for some unknown reason
or you're genuinely unhinged. I don't know why it would lead to a better
conversation!

~~~
m1n1
There's a lot of people who avoid conversations about religion, especially if
they think someone will try to 'convert' them. Edit: "doctor for souls" might
invite "what do you mean?"

~~~
chrisseaton
If I'm avoiding conversations with religious people, you can be certain I'm
avoiding them with people who claim to be a doctor of souls though. He sounds
like he wants to vivisect me rather than just convert me!

~~~
m1n1
He is trying to improve his bedside manner. It's an ongoing effort. :)

------
gozur88
I think telling people you're a family doctor would be worse. Do you really
want every every person you meet to try to get free advice on their
hemorrhoids?

------
fractal618
Instead of asking "What do you do?" I like to ask, "What do you like to geek
out about?" or "What could you talk about for hours?"

~~~
fractal618
[https://open.buffer.com/27-question-to-ask-instead-of-
what-d...](https://open.buffer.com/27-question-to-ask-instead-of-what-do-you-
do/)

~~~
taw-an
a lot of these questions are awful, but "what do you do for a living" isn't a
great question either.

------
woodandsteel
The author talks about what it is like to be a cancer doctor. I don't think I
could take it, and have a lot of admiration for, and gratitude to, those who
can.

As for being a conversation-stopper, people are generally making light chat,
and they don't want to get into something so heavy. Maybe after you get to
know someone better.

------
dekhn
My favorite: "Oh, what do you do?" "I'm a programmer". No interest. Later, "I
forgot, what was your occupation again?" "Software Engineer". "Oh, software
engineer? That's amazing."

No, it's the same goddamn thing.

------
todd8
When asked about what I do, I say “software”; to further clarify that I’ve
found that comparing it to the roles in the auto industry helps people
understand what you do: manager, engineer, designer, repair person,
customizer, etc.

------
ryandrake
I tell people I'm an exotic dancer. It gets a few laughs/breaks the ice, _and_
people don't tend to further probe after that kind of response! :)

------
gwbas1c
I wonder if there's a more polite way to deflect the conversation? Perhaps, "I
really don't like to talk about my work?"

------
kapauldo
Except for this article, he keeps quiet.

------
INTPenis
Who says "cancer doctor"? I thought they were called oncologists.

He sure doesn't mind blogging about it for the whole internet to read though.

I knew a lawyer once through a mutual friend, who in fact passed away from
breast cancer.

Near the end I asked my lawyer friend if she could help us with a will. She
immediately said to me that I would be speaking to the lawyer, not the friend.
She takes those matters very seriously and is very professional.

Doctors can take that route too. If someone asks about their profession they
can simply defer them to their office.

I was ok with this. I'm sure some will object but you can't please everyone.

~~~
mfoy_
Just because I hate getting down-voted with no replies, I figured I'd break it
down for you.

>Who says "cancer doctor"? I thought they were called oncologists.

Honestly, so what? Besides, he uses the term oncologist frequently in the
article, it's not like he doesn't know...

>He sure doesn't mind blogging about it for the whole internet to read though.

He avoids it as a topic of small talk because of how unusually heavy a topic
it is. Besides, now he can direct friends and family to the blog post and
avoid multiple variations of the same difficult conversation.

>Doctors can take that route too.

And he does, more or less... what on Earth was your point? The whole anecdote
was actually off-topic and confusing. Are you trying to insinuate that the
author isn't professional and/or emotionally tough enough? It comes off that
way.

~~~
INTPenis
No I felt the conclusion was obvious but what's obvious to some might not be
for others. So my comment was pretty unnecessary.

