Ask HN: What's your greatest epiphany?  - alleycat
======
buro9
You can't tell anyone anything that they are not ready to hear.

This affects your ability to influence others and be influenced by others.

The takeaway for you receiving wisdom is to be open to things that you are not
yet ready to hear, to remember them and keep them in mind as it may apply to
you in the future when you are ready.

If you need to share wisdom, empathise with where the receiver is currently
and tell them what they're ready to hear based on where they are today (or
will shortly be).

~~~
Tactic
Not only will someone not truly hear what you have to say, they will often
become confrontational over it if it is anything of relevence.

Considering this and keeping my mouth shut has saved me many a fruitless
argument.

------
arethuza
Two people want to share a cake.

The reasonable person asks for half the cake, the unreasonable person asks for
the whole cake.

They compromise and split the difference - the unreasonable person gets three
quarters of the cake and the reasonable person gets a quarter.

[I wish I knew the origins of this - I heard it years ago.]

~~~
wulczer
What is the epiphany here? What is the insight or enlightenment to be gained
from this story?

I have my own, but I'm curious about what people believe is the moral of the
story.

~~~
hackinthebochs
Don't be the chump who offers the rational middle ground as your opening bid.

------
dirktheman
My biggest epiphany: money itself doesn't mean anything. A lot of people make
it their goal to be rich, but to me, being rich is a meaningless goal. It's
about what you can do with money. You really have to dig in your deeper wants
for this. You say you want to be rich? What exactly is your definition of
being rich? Is it fame? The ability to buy whatever you want?

More often than most people realize, their deep wishes can be accomplished by
another way than working your butt off or winning the lottery.

My motivation for being rich (in the monetary sense) would be that I don't
have to work anymore. My deeper wish is the absense of authority (a boss) and
to be able to spend more time with my children. If you think of it that way,
it would be crazy to work more hours, right? I work 4 days a week now, hardly
no overtime, and my boss values responsible individuals more than mindless
office drones. I have more than enough time to see my children growing up, and
even enough time for some challenging side projects and hobbies. Which brings
me to another epiphany, I guess: time might be money, but money != time. Time
you spend with your kids can never be taken away from you, time you don't
spend with your kids can never be brought back. It's gone forever.

I'm the richest man in the world.

------
spindritf
How much of human activity is just signalling, posturing, and status jockeying
with no purpose I would consider practical. To the point where those
behaviours seep into contexts where they're obviously unproductive, like
discussions on pseudonymous Internet forums.

Robin Hanson has some extensive descriptions[1] of what I mean, with the
crucial insight that "X is not about Y"[2], and that rationalization may be
the original, evolutionary purpose of rational thinking rather than its
perversion[3]. He even offers remedies[4] if you consider it a problem.

[1]
[http://www.overcomingbias.com/tag/signaling](http://www.overcomingbias.com/tag/signaling)

[2] [http://www.overcomingbias.com/2008/09/politics-
isnt-a.html](http://www.overcomingbias.com/2008/09/politics-isnt-a.html)

[3] [http://www.overcomingbias.com/2014/04/reason-stories-both-
tu...](http://www.overcomingbias.com/2014/04/reason-stories-both-tuned-for-
contests.html)

[4]
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prediction_market](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prediction_market)

~~~
c23gooey
these links remind me of Alain De Botton's Status Anxiety.

[http://alaindebotton.com/status/](http://alaindebotton.com/status/)

------
hitchhiker999
Lucid dreaming. Realising spiritual development (not religious obviously)
isn't the antithesis of technology. Realising being a dad isn't scary, it's
incredible. Realising that to be an awesome coder doesn't require 30 years of
experience, it required perspective and the ability to ignore the 'common'
wisdom when needed. Living in a world of 'magic' by choice, embracing stuff I
don't understand, and being blown away by the tech of nature.

------
pontifier
I was contemplating a problem I was having, and thought of a solution that was
so perfect that both the problem and solution completely annihilated each
other. All that remained was the memory that I had had a problem, and solved
it.

I couldn't even remember what the problem had been because it was totally, and
completely, solved.

I started to think about what this might mean for finding answers to
questions. Perhaps people who have TRULY solved certain problems aren't the
ones talking the most about them.

~~~
makmanalp
This also reminds me of the Curse of Knowledge, where people who know
something internalize some valuable perspective which makes it difficult for
them to empathize with how it must be not to know.

~~~
pontifier
Yes, that seems very similar. It's difficult for someone to understand a point
of confusion when their own knowledge is so clear. Perhaps great teachers can
pass on knowledge so effectively because they are better able to remember and
guide people past the troubles they had when learning.

------
madaxe_again
Sat at the piano, aged about 10, when I realised that my experience is one of
billions and no more real than any other, and that everything we see around us
is only so because we say it is so, and that power only exists in the minds of
those who witness it.

~~~
hitchhiker999
Nice! "I think, therefore I am" -> is the only thing we can confirm. The rest
is our choice to believe a narrative that suits us.

~~~
samstave
I've always liked to consider "I think, therefore I am" as a formula:

"I think [X], therefore I am [X]" \-- whatever you think, and focus your
thought and will and desire on is what you create out of yourself.

------
andrey-p
Everybody is a victim of their own narrow viewpoint, even (and sometimes
especially) people who claim they're open minded.

The tricky part is, when you're talking to someone, to figure out the
boundaries of their viewpoint and take that into account when you communicate.

The trickier part is seeing the boundaries of your own viewpoint and forcing
them wider. This is hard as your view of the narrowness of your own viewpoint
is limited by the narrowness of your own viewpoint.

------
jwr
Many things which you consider out of your reach are achievable. And they are
not as difficult as they seem. You just have to set goals and start working
towards them.

~~~
markbao
What things have you achieved on this front?

------
mkal_tsr
Not really an epiphany, but when I started a consistent meditation practice.
I've been significantly better about viewing myself objectively without
emotions, I'm not as held back by fears or insecurities, and life has become
quite a bit more interesting as I've been able to notice the smaller details
more.

~~~
sizzle
care to share any links/advice for someone who would like to try meditation
but is overwhelmed with all the different techniques? thanks

~~~
mkal_tsr
The book that really got me going was The Way of Zen by Alan Watts. I felt
like that was a good introduction for myself (a Westerner who didn't want the
religious component of Buddhism).

From there it was pretty much a lot of sitting, breath meditation, and hard
work - it's very tempting to chase thoughts that pop-up during meditation, but
reminding yourself to let it go and move back to focusing on the breath builds
the ability later in "everyday" life to notice you have a poor/misguided
thought pattern motivated by ego or emotion and to step back and realize you
are not that emotion or thought, it is just something happening, and you're
able to let those emotions go much easier and make calmer and more rational
decisions. I am in _no way_ an expert of any sort, I'm still figuring out this
stuff as well, but it's been significantly beneficial just from the short time
I've been practicing.

Honestly the /r/meditation FAQ has some good resources and links there,
especially ones relating to mindfulness in plain English (it cuts out the
spirituality aspect quite a bit). There is also a course on Coursera called
Buddhism and Modern Psychology (
[https://www.coursera.org/course/psychbuddhism](https://www.coursera.org/course/psychbuddhism)
) that I was interested, but I have no experience with it. Hopefully this
helps in some way :-)

------
hackinthebochs
That governments in all forms throughout history have had one purpose only--to
keep the population fed. People have an endless capacity to endure abuse from
those in power as long as they are kept satiated. The moment the food stops
flowing is when revolutions occur, and not a moment before.

~~~
arethuza
Was lack of food a factor in either the English Civil War or the American War
of Independence?

[NB I'm listening to the excellent "Revolutions" podcast at the moment
[http://www.revolutionspodcast.com/](http://www.revolutionspodcast.com/)]

~~~
hackinthebochs
I know little about European history, but I would argue that the American War
of Independence was more a formality than anything. Britain's influence was
already waning and the colonies were mostly self-sufficient at that point. The
hand that fed them wasn't Britain, so independence was simply a matter of not
letting a third party take money out of your pocket any longer.

~~~
arethuza
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_taxation_without_representat...](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_taxation_without_representation)

My understanding that it wasn't the _amount_ of tax - which was actually quite
low, but the fact that they did not (and arguably, could never have) any
meaningful representation within the power structures that raised these taxes.

------
icu
* On getting rich:

\- If you focus on the money you won't get anywhere. You must focus on the
creation of value for other people in an area that will allow for exponential
customer growth. It's all about serving other people at scale. Getting rich is
the side effect of this. The process accelerates if you love what you are
doing and are having fun.

* On human relations:

\- You are never too talented, too smart or too good looking to burn bridges,
think less about others or not make an effort to be liked by all and treat
everyone with respect and courtesy. Not doing this will always come back to
haunt you.

\- No matter how bad things get in your family never betray your family
member's trust.

\- Be as gracious as you can to those who are disrespectful to you, pivot in
your mind and thank them for their encouragement. Use it as fuel.

* On getting stuff done:

\- Focus. Multitasking is a myth.

\- Forget doing stuff solo, you need a team to do anything really amazing.
Each team member needs to know their strengths and weaknesses and your team
should be a cohesive and complementary whole where strengths cover weaknesses.

------
shin_lao
I read the Tao Te King by Lao Zi when I was 25 and it was a major epiphany,
this passage especially:

 _Although the saint puts himself last, he finds himself in the lead.

Although he is not self-concerned, he finds himself accomplished.

It is because he is not focused on self-interests and hence can fulfill his
true nature._

------
edent
Compound interest works. Every penny you save before you're 30 has a
dramatically large impact on your quality of life after 60.

~~~
dllthomas
_" Every penny you save before you're 30 has a dramatically large impact on
your quality of life after 60."_

Either you're getting a much higher rate of return than the rest of us, or
you're awfully excited about maybe 5 cents.

Or you're just being hyperbolic.

------
keyle
That our time is limited and we must choose carefully where to focus our
personal efforts.

~~~
chrisbennet
That realization was a gradual one for me. I tell people that I have a limited
amount of Life Force and I don't want to waste it.

The upshot of that is (A) that you can't do "everything" just because you can
afford it (B) life is too short to "stick it out" if you really don't like
what you are doing.

Books are a perfect example of "B": If you read part of a book and you don't
like it, stop/quit and read another instead. It makes no sense to read a "bad"
book just because you've been conditioned to "finish what you start". There
are just too many other great books you could read if you quit reading the bad
one and started reading another one.

~~~
mkr-hn
This is exactly what I did with programming. I could figure it out and produce
something after a great deal of effort, but it exhausted me. Meanwhile, I can
hammer out 1000 quality, edited words and barely notice it.

You can probably guess where I put my focus.

------
wellboy
People think to create an AirBnb or Twitter, they have to be really smart.
However, you really don't need to be that smart to build a massive company.
You need a certain IQ of around 110-120 to understand science or how markets
work, but after that it's only a matter of how much you believe in
yourself/how bold you allow yourself to be.

Being smarter might actually be harmful as the human brain isn't good at
filtering all the impressions that the person feels with a higher IQs. For
instance, a high IQ often comes with social anxiety, autism and other mental
restrictions that lessen the person's capability.

For IQs above 140, people become more specialized from what I've seen. They
might be very useful to solve specific problems such as curing
cancer/inventing the theory of relativity, but they have a hard time executing
a bigger vision involving hundreds of employees and knowledge across numerous
fields as one needs to create a startup.

I believe the sweet spot, where a human being can have the biggest impact on
the world is somewhere between 130-140. This is an IQ, where a person can
understand pretty much everything, but isn't overwhelmed by all the input it
gets.

------
sizzle
that a lot of the fears: failure, rejection, risk taking, success etc, are
learned and embedded in our subconscious, stemming from life events in
childhood. These fears operate in our subconscious and are projected outwardly
in everything we do in the day-to-day decisions we make. Being able to
recognize/rationalize against these fears is life-changing, at least for
myself.

I used to be crippled by some social settings, but identified the root cause
of the paralysis from a very specific childhood event, rationalized against
it, and was able to overcome it with practice.

Anyone with more knowledge behind the psychology care to elaborate/provide
some resources? Thanks

------
chrisbennet
I've had a couple of memorable epiphanies. The fact that they are programming
related probably says something about me but heck, I can't change that.

Epiphany 1: one day I realized that Bresenham's line algorithm wasn't just a
way to draw lines. In reality, it linearly interpolates values over a range.
Example: get the gradient/color values along a horizontal line from x0,color0
to x1,color1.

Epiphany 2: The 2nd big "aha" moment was when I worked for a machine tool
company and someone explained how our ball screws (a big threaded rod that
moves a tool or cross slide when you turn it) was "mapped" so we could tell
what the error was at each point and thus correct for that error with a
resulting greater accuracy. That concept can be applied to all kinds of
problems. For example: Instead of making a "perfect" lens at great expense,
you can make a "map" of the lens's imperfections and correct the image in
software.

~~~
mcphage
> Example: get the gradient/color values along a horizontal line from
> x0,color0 to x1,color1.

Sadly, colors don't blend as easy as coordinates:
[http://www.stuartdenman.com/improved-color-
blending/](http://www.stuartdenman.com/improved-color-blending/) ... but in
general I agree.

~~~
chrisbennet
Thanks for the link!

~~~
mcphage
Welcome :-)

------
drawkbox
Technologies advance the fastest in societies that invest heavily in
war/defense all throughout history.

Human advancement has come mostly from markets and freed up the thinking man.

People aren't interested in facts or the truth, they want the story.

Human change is extremely slow and only happens in iterations.

Poor people pay interest, rich people collect it.

If you put something out there for sale, people will buy it, somehow.

~~~
sizzle
you reminded me of one: "the worst decisions make for the best stories"

------
jgrahamc
Exercise feels good.

~~~
makmanalp
Caveat: This is true only after you get over the initial, minor and yet
discouraging hump where exercise is only tiring. Ramping up is key, and don't
let anyone dictate how slow / easy you start. Then increase gradually, where
how gradual is determined by how much better you think you can do.

I had to start running slower than the slowest part of the couch-to-5k program
(a.k.a the most newbie program to get into running) to get my breath and body
used to it. Now I can run 5k no problem.

~~~
trevelyan
I started by running to the store and buying something (juice, food,
whatever). It may not have been the most efficient way to exercise, but it
created a Pavlovian feedback mechanism.

------
makmanalp
I have a few off the top of my head:

\- Learned helplessness is one of the biggest enemies to learning, but it's
insidious in that sufferers don't recognize it. Often, I'll try to teach
someone something, and I'll know for sure that they can and will grasp a
concept, but they'll just stop short on their own accord, chalking failure up
to their own (imagined) inherent inability rather than a specific situational
lack of something. Usually accompanied with a general statement like "I'm just
not a technical person" or "I'm not that smart" (sometimes not voiced) or "I
don't get math" or "I'm more of a right-brain person". It's interesting that
of the tons of much likelier reasons for failure (bad teaching, not enough
practice, not having the right foundation), the most commonly chosen is "it's
me".

The opposite side to this is to incorporate failure and retrial as part of the
learning process, and to realize that the failure is a specific situation and
mostly not a general statement of ability.

Anyway, when they're encouraged a bit and they do succeed, their surprise and
satisfaction is one of my favourite things in the world.

\- Psychology is not bullshit like I used to think before.

\- Introspection and self-examination is very important and ignoring your
inner world does not make your problems go away. Regularly taking time to
consider your thoughts, worries, knee-jerk reactions, big life events,
priorities is a great idea, and keeps problems from bottling up. A multitude
of lingering things on your mind that don't seem immediate on their own can
add up fast. I didn't even know this could happen until it did to me.

As a positive result though, I discovered a whole new meta-level of thought.
Observing the process through which thoughts materialize in my mind is
enlightening. Watching chains of thought develop step by step uncovers biases
and thought-tendencies that are often unconscious but can be damaging.

It also promotes self-honesty, which sometimes saves you a lot of time and
money and is often a great antidote to ignorance. There isn't a switch you can
flip to be more objective but a decent attempt helps.

\- When people say things, don't forget to think about _why_ they're saying
them. Often this provides valuable perspective. What's motivating them to say
that? Is it conscious? Sometimes a pipe is a pipe, but sometimes it's not. For
example, if someone tells you "never trust women", concluding that the person
has probably been severely hurt by women before (conclusion from asking why
the person said this) is much more valuable than concluding women are evil
(the direct conclusion).

~~~
dirktheman
I have an identical twin brother. We took separate classes in high school, he
was really good at math, physics and science, while I really, really sucked at
them. If you asked me at that time, I would tell you 'I just don't get math'.
Those were my literal words. We are genetically the same, so it's impossible
that his brain is somehow wired in a different way than mine, but I would
still say the problem was me, instead of my crap teacher. I got a bad start
with math and physics in high school, and it wasn't until years later I picked
up programming as a hobby that I regained some interest in mathematical
subjects.

I'm just finishing up on a Bayesian flamewar detector. If you would tell the
high-school me this years ago I would have said you were crazy...

~~~
ddorian43
why didn't you go on the same classes/teachers ?

~~~
dirktheman
That was a conscious decision. Being twins and all is fun, but people (and
thus, teachers), tend to see you as one entity. We split classes when we were
11 years old, we both felt like we had to be our own person, with our own
friends, independent from one another.

This also had some nice side effects, I was really good at languages, history
and biology, so I could take my brother's tests. He was good at math and
science, so he occasionally took mine.

~~~
001sky
Do you have thoughts as to the complementary skillsets are/were in part
identity driven? in some areas perhaps compete and in others complement
other's skill.

------
gahahaha
That Israel has exactly zero interest in peace with the Palestinians.
Continued conflict is the perfect excuse for continued oppression and
occupation. The insight came as a flash - and now I can't understand why I
didn't see it sooner.

------
nailer
Rule of 72 (basic personal finance that should be taught in high school).

[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_72](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_72)

------
junto
People who believe themselves to be lucky are lucky. The opposite is also
true.

~~~
hitchhiker999
In _part_ due to selective bias - the 'lucky' ones enjoy remembering the luck,
the 'unlucky' ones enjoy the opposite.

------
Jemaclus
When I was a teenager, I had a temper problem. I got angry and the smallest
things, and I'd scream and yell until I got my way or I got grounded,
whichever came first. I started a job that had to do with some machinery, and
occasionally the machines would break. I'd have to go fix what broke, then
start it up again. And my machine broke a lot. I would cuss and scream and
kick the damn thing, and I'd get so angry that I'd have to do it over and
over.

One day my boss comes over and just starts helping me fix the machine. He's
humming a little song and happily fixing things. And I just looked at him, and
I said "Doesn't this fucking piss you off? That this fucking machine keeps
fucking breaking?" (I was a kid. "Fucking" was a fun word to say. Still is,
actually.)

He looks at me and says, "Does the machine care if you're mad?"

Huh.

------
hammadfauz
Customers do not know the price of the thing you're selling.

------
owurkan
No matter to which country you go, you will find all kinds of people. Only not
in the same proportions.

------
Tactic
People are just people. Everyone is an amalgamation of insecurities, fears,
joys, talents, failures, desires, etc. This has helped me communicate and
associate with people at all levels. I don’t care if it is the bum down by the
river or the CEO of a company with 500+ employees, I get along with them… and
have learned from them. Because we all have value and are just trying to make
it through our brief term here on earth. Or, as Orson Scott Card put it, we’re
muddling through.

But most of all, remembering I am just a person as well. No better or worse
than anyone else.

Maybe it sounds obvious, but it truly helped me in life.

------
kirk21
MBTI, I learned a lot about myself since I discovered that I am an INTJ.

------
aspidistra
Everyone I meet is not better than me.

~~~
gyepi
Don't forget Thoreau's quote that he could learn from everyone. I think the
problem is thinking of people in terms of rankings. Some are better at some
things than others but that should not translate into being better than
others. It's a hard distinction to make because the the latter is shorter and
more convenient to grasp.

~~~
aspidistra
> I think the problem is thinking of people in terms of rankings.

Yes, that's exactly what I meant.

------
ekianjo
Free Markets are extremely powerful.

Tons of people will buy stuff for reasons you can't even conceive.

The difference between being poor and having a bright future has a lot to do
with knowledge and awareness, more than initial means.

There are heaps of differences between people of different cultures,
religions, countries, but there are still very strong common elements you can
use as a basis to work together.

Building a solid network and community around you is a big driver for _luck_ ,
probably more than your own skills.

------
thom
Nobody's out to get you.

~~~
mkr-hn
Minor qualification: some people are out to get you, but you can't live your
life worrying about it.

------
davewasthere
That 'now' is all that matters. Don't spend too long in the past, or worrying
about the future.

That happiness is just a matter of wanting less as opposed to having more.

And learning about the financial crossover point was another light-bulb
moment. When you can save most of what you earn, to get to a point where
working isn't necessary, but a pleasure..

------
nailer
Life approach:

\- Some people look at the world as a series of things that happen to them.
They relish the sympathy and attention they get. Do not befriend these people,
they will drain you emotionally, and you might be the next person they accuse
of doing them wrong.

\- Instead, think of the world as a set of resources provided to you for the
purposes of achieving your goals.

~~~
andrey-p
Weird. For me it's the reverse.

Edit: I see you elaborated on your comment a bit, which makes mine read quite
differently. I also agree with you loads more now.

------
thecolorblue
I don't know about greatest, but game theory has set off some pretty good
epiphanies. I watched this Yale class on game theory and it really opened my
mind:
[http://oyc.yale.edu/economics/econ-159](http://oyc.yale.edu/economics/econ-159)

~~~
gauravkm
This looks promising. Thanks for sharing.

------
ssurgeon
That you are riding the same initial wave of energy that was The Big Bang, and
that it is responsible for every single decision, impression and feeling that
you have in your life. That's the epiphany that I had while listening to Alan
Watts.

------
trendyy
If you ever find yourself the smartest guy in the room, then you're in the
wrong room.

------
panarky
That much of what seems solid and immutable is really a social construction,
subject to change, affected by politics, argument and shared experience.

Race, money, even colors like blue and green only exist in a particular social
context.

------
akg_67
Only person I need to meet expectations of is me and not of anyone else.

Time is more valuable than money and things. It can't be regained.

Value experiences over things. Experiences last a lifetime, things don't.

------
imwhimsical
"Talk is cheap, show me the code" — The true gravity of this quote (by Linus
Torvalds) struck me at the crux of my first startup.

------
thejteam
You don't have to be good, you just have to be better than everybody else.

My way of re-phrasing "90 percent of success is just showing up".

------
yiedyie
Seeing "the light" in a lucid dream.

~~~
sizzle
or tricking your brain you are about to die (bungee jumping did this for me)

------
cmadan
Death is inevitable and life is meaningless.

Most people would be depressed with this epiphany but for me, it was
liberating.

~~~
dirktheman
I'm sorry you feel this way. Death really is inevitable, but life is only
meaningless if you think it is and treat it that way. My life isn't
meaningless to my family, to loved ones I share memories with, and to people
I've helped along the way. Or did you mean that life itself is meaningless (or
rather: empty if you like), and that you have to make something out of it
yourself?

~~~
cmadan
My life is definitely meaningful on a micro level i.e. to my close family and
friends and I owe them enough to have certain parts of my life actions and
direction influenced by them, but in the larger picture over thousands of
years, my life is pretty much meaningless.

Which means I obsess less and less over what others think, I compare myself
less and less and I let things that I can't control influence my happiness
less and less. Basically I'm a nihilist.

------
yitchelle
All of life's obstacles can be broken down in smaller ones, and as such, all
obstacles can be tackled.

------
squidsoup
There is no end to suffering, only a redefinition of suffering relative to our
notion of pleasure.

------
motiw
People will always do the right thing… after they’ve exhausted all the
alternatives

------
ibrad
Treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be
treated.

------
sunkarapk
God and Luck both doesn't exist.

------
hypertexthero
The observer is the observed.

~~~
omarchowdhury
The power of observation is not an attribute of the observed.

------
kamaal
\- Ayn Rand is right.

\- If you want something, the responsibility of getting that lies on you and
you alone. You are responsible for both success and failure.

\- To get what you want, 'You should do what it takes'. Even if that's not
within the moral/ethical/acceptable norms of the society. Or unpleasant or
unhelpful to people people around you.

\- You will either follow this and rise, or will be used(and then thrown) by
those who follow this. Where you want to be, you decide.

\- When you get successful and rich, what ever you do becomes right. Even if
that was actually wrong per everybody else before.

~~~
orkoden
Then you will be a rich lonely unhappy asshole. I've seen it happen.

