
From FOMO to JOMO: the joy of missing out - anthilemoon
https://nesslabs.com/jomo
======
bigred100
I believe it’s easy to be cured of this disease by realizing what you want in
life and realizing your limitations.

I care (like probably most other people) about having a reasonably good
career, being reasonably financial stable, taking reasonably care of my
health, my spiritual life, working on self-education and becoming more
informed over time, practicing a small number of hobbies, socializing some,
cleaning my house, and contributing some to the communities I find myself in.
I’m not in a relationship but that would be very important if I were.

If something doesn’t fall into those, I don’t really care. I’m sure I’ll miss
new and improved ways to do those marginally better, but I don’t really care.
I basically go out of my way to avoid things that don’t contribute to those
unless it’s socially essential (going out with friends or something).

Now there are still infinite variations and ways those all relate to each
other and pitfalls to avoid. Watching news tv or reading it on the Internet
has many cons. Not keeping has its own (out of touch, susceptible to believe
nonsense, etc.). So I get a print newspaper and read it sometimes. Reading
insane stuff on the internet may make you spend a lot of time incorrectly
doing things that you think will help your health. So don’t do that. Etc
(maybe some of its useful but certainly a lot isn’t)

Also have some humility (easier said than done). People are just going to be
smarter and more successful than me and if I’m successful I’ll certainly meet
them. No secret or new technique or extreme work routine will make something
impossible happen to overcome that.

------
hanoz
I thought this was going to be about the warm glow you get when you realise
that the hot new framework/library/methodology you haven't got round to
investigating yet, is already on the way out.

~~~
FascistDonut
This is me never quite getting into Docker and realizing Kubernetes is
replacing it now anyway.

~~~
Dude2029
With any luck I will manage to dodge even Kubernetes straight to serverless!

~~~
hinkley
I think the really cool kids are moving to BEAM (Erlang and friends).

------
cobbzilla
I get a positive JOMO feeling when someone shares a media scare story and
expects me to join them in pearl-clutching.

I only loosely follow mainstream infotainment/moral panics, and mostly for
entertainment value. So I totally enjoy missing out on the “let’s all be
scared together” vibe.

NB: This sharing would be f2f, since I have yet another JOMO: not being on
FB/insta/etc.

~~~
Bootwizard
I feel exactly the same way. I stopped using social media and reading the news
a few months ago and I've never been happier in my adult life. It's shocking
how much regular reading of negative news can impact your emotional health. I
even considered myself on the verge of depression at one point. As soon as I
stopped reading the news daily and completely cut myself off of social media,
my mood and emotional wellbeing began improving.

There's nothing you're missing out on by doing this, only the spread of
fearmongering by the media. The world is not ending tomorrow, and experiencing
your own life is more important than vicariously experiencing all the negative
things in the world through the internet.

~~~
wool_gather
Have you considered re-adding a measured amount of news -- at least local --
to your week? You're absolutely right that a lot of the so-called "news" is
garbage and just a source of negative emotional energy. Especially the flotsam
drifting across social media...

On the other hand, there _are_ things happening in the world, decisions being
made and actions taken, that almost certainly affect stuff you value. This is
especially true in your town/county/sub-national political region -- which is
why I said "local". It's still not exactly fun a lot of the time, but knowing
-- and being able to influence! -- what's going on around you ultimately has
more upside than down.

~~~
momokoko
But are they? It's important to vote, but realistically what are you
accomplishing for yourself or anyone else by keeping up on things everyday.

Let's even use Brexit as an example. For the average everyday person in
England, brexit is a huge deal. But what benefit is there to the general
population to keep up with every twist and turn of political maneuvering? In
the end it's important to vote smart. Voting smart can br done via checking up
on current events once a week if not once month. Things really do not move as
fast as online news and social media will lead you to believe. Brexit is
taking years to happen. But if you keep up with the news you might think
everyday is the brink of doom or salvation. When in fact the average person
has months or possibly years between actionable events.

~~~
wool_gather
It looks like you've hit 'reply' on the wrong comment? I didn't say anything
about everyday, or "keeping up with every twist and turn" of the national
news.

------
rblion
I'm using a flip phone right now with a different number and it's been great
for a number of reasons.

\- I am focused on creating instead of consuming every day. Instead of
critiquing tech companies and their ethics, I am building one aligned with my
moral compass. Instead of captions, I am writing posts for my blog on a number
of subjects/interests.

\- Clients have to reach me through email instead of wasting my time on the
phone. A lot of them do not respect my time like I respect theirs. Having
everything in writing makes it easier to manage projects.

\- I've been traveling a lot over the last year and barely posted about it,
this allowed me to just enjoy the places and focus on improving as a
photographer using my Sony a6000. I don't care about posting the perfect
caption anymore, I am absorbing the wisdom of the ages by experiencing what
the great minds of the past did directly instead of through middle men.

\- I am thoroughly done with 'influencers' who blast me with the same couple
messages in different words every week. They are not influencing, they are
preying on the attention of indecisive and unfocused people. Anyone who needs
a Gary V-type to yell at them to get started isn't that serious to begin with
if you ask me. Anyone who is traveling the world to take selfies while
meditating is more narcissistic than 'woke'. Don't post about it, be about it.
I've recently found out that Jay Shetty steals a lot of his content and is
most likely lying about 'being a monk'. This irks me because he is making a
mockery of actual monks I know.

\- I've been spending more time with my 4-year-old nephew who is obsessed with
trains and LEGOs. We have conversations now and I teach him as much as I can
about the basics of math, engineering, design, writing, math.

\- When in the car, I talk to the person I am with instead of looking at my
phone. When at a meal, I am talking to the people I am with and not staring at
my phone. When I am waiting in line, I am counting my blessing to have freedom
and opportunity instead of scrolling and swiping.

\- I have to actually know how to navigate cities now and this has been a good
practice because cities are fascinating things. I stumble into all kinds of
interesting things by 'accident' many times too.

~~~
BozeWolf
Didnt read all of your comment, too much of telling what you dont miss. Still
sounds fomo / social media-ish to me. Do whatever _you_ like, without having
to justify it. That is jomo. Drinking a beer now without having to justify it.
Cheers ;-) shite, even telling that feels fomo-ish.

~~~
rblion
Just speaking my truth. I don't drink or smoke anymore either, don't miss it.
Enjoy. ;)

Author states:

"In essence, JOMO is a way to live an intentional life. It’s realising that
FOMO is distracting you from your life’s purpose, and that you don’t need more
time. You just need to use your time in a way that allows you to act on
intent-based ideas, such as creative projects or spending time with the people
you care about the most."

~~~
BozeWolf
Sorry, my comment was not clear. Updated it to clarify i read the article!

~~~
rblion
Zen is zen. Not-zen is zen.

------
robbiep
The poem at the bottom is by Leunig, a sydney morning herald comic and one of
my favourites for years. My mum sent me this (the cartoon accompanying the
poem) a couple of years ago when he published it - hope you enjoy it too

[https://www.leunig.com.au/works/recent-
cartoons/769-jomo](https://www.leunig.com.au/works/recent-cartoons/769-jomo)

~~~
timcederman
Leunig has his moments, shsme about his anti-vaccination stance.
[https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/aug/19/i-dont...](https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/aug/19/i-dont-
want-to-go-on-leunigs-anti-vaccination-mental-vacation)

~~~
robbiep
I wasn't aware of this - thanks.

[edit] seems like he may have come back a bit?

[https://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/archived/rnaft...](https://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/archived/rnafternoons/michael-
leunig-on-life-art-and-vaccinations/6506570)

------
flanbiscuit
I jokingly use the term FOMO when a close friend of mine is doing something
that I could have participated in. Like the author, I also live in a city
where are so many things happening all the time that there will always be
another cool thing to do very soon. Additionally, I've lived here close to 20
years of my adult life so i've done a million things already so I actually
don't mind missing out on things because i've done similar things before. So
maybe FOMO reduces with age and experience?

Also, I heard the term JOMO for the first time in a TV show last night and I
thought it was a joke that the show made up. Was surprised to see the term
mentioned on HN this very next morning.

------
quickthrower2
There can be career FOMO too, spending 20 years developing .NET applications,
many of which will now be defunct isn't as fancy sounding as someone who has
worked at FAANG, invented GMail then done a startup and then moved on to
quantum cryptography.

You know the little bios people do to boast they are a "TED Speaker, this that
the other". I dream of making a blog that just says "Proudly lazy person,
slightly above median IQ but works just for the money, enjoys lying on a towel
in the sun on the patio. You won't catch me running through a marathon finish
line".

That would be for satire of course, but there is a grain of truth to it, in
that so many people online look like super achievers.

~~~
mkr-hn
It's easy to go too far in the other direction.

~~~
kerkeslager
Is it?

There's no obligation to achieve notable things, especially not by anyone
else's standards.

The standards are subjective anyway. For example, unlike the person you're
responding to, I'm unimpressed if you worked for FAANG--it shows you're a hard
worker or at least create that impression, but it also shows your values don't
align with mine very well. In fact, if you work for Facebook I'll respect you
more if you quit: what Facebook does is bad.

------
tony
Good article

OP's post linked to an article that mentions elsevier.
[https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S074756320...](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563202000146?via%3Dihub)

I keep seeing that name, it's related to Mendeley, an app for reading journals
on smartphones.

Unfortunately it's 10-20 bucks to get the paper.

> Loneliness, envy

It seems to be a common theme in FOMO. This paper also tries to tie envy +
loneliness <-> fomo:
[https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/6a4f/4e27a55178bd1d9bd58744...](https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/6a4f/4e27a55178bd1d9bd58744d474d0840ebe75.pdf)

Surveys around this subject have weaknesses, this snippet from above sums up
my feelings: "Another limitation derived from the self-reported nature of the
questionnaires. Information reported by participants may have reflected
socially desirable responses, rather than participants` true responses."

This is the big issue around this status / pride stuff. There's never going to
be people admitting how they're sensitive about superficial things and there's
this awkward silence to not break the fourth wall and talk about it. Lol

Why? Maybe because it's vulnerable self-disclosure and there wouldn't be
reciprocity. If everybody went and said something like: "my primal fear is I
won't be loved if I don't have status. I worry if I speak candidly about my
feelings and attitudes, friends will abandon me. I feel I'm always caretaking
to others and nobody cares about me. That's why I act out this way"

~~~
mkr-hn
>> _" This is the big issue around this status / pride stuff. There's never
going to be people admitting how they're sensitive about superficial things
and there's this awkward silence to not break the fourth wall and talk about
it."_

I keep seeing this, but how often is it true? I always answer these
questionnaires honestly. The person who made it just wants some good data for
their science. I've never felt a need to lie to them.

~~~
tony
Your honest response could be drowned out by other's errors for innocuous
reasons:

> response errors in surveys can occur because respondents misunderstand the
> questions, cannot retrieve all the relevant information, use inaccurate
> estimation and judgment strategies, round their answers, or have difficulty
> mapping them onto one of the response categories.

These go into survey responses to sensitive questions:

\-
[https://www.learnlab.org/research/wiki/images/a/a8/Tourangea...](https://www.learnlab.org/research/wiki/images/a/a8/Tourangeau_SensitiveQuestions.pdf)

\-
[http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.504...](http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.504.8641&rep=rep1&type=pdf)?

I'm straying off topic, they will try in various ways to bullet proof these
surveys. I don't know, I think if a group of people are quizzed, there will be
more incentive for people to not give accurate answers. Hm:

What if they come from a family where a guardian is an alcoholic but don't
have a point of relation to compare to, and say it's fine at home? They
haven't processed it yet.

Outside of surveys, there are blown personality/psychiatric assessments
designed to detect over-reporting and malingering:
[https://scholarsrepository.llu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?artic...](https://scholarsrepository.llu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1234&context=etd)

------
Damogran6
What I'm struggling with is the opposite of FOMO. It used to be, if you liked
a particular type of music (e.g. New Wave in the 80's) you stood a chance of
hearing a significant percentage of what was available out there.

With the advent of things like Youtube and Garage Band, MOST of a niche music
type will be made by people, who won't be well compensated for it, and you'll
never get the chance to hear it...because there are so many people making so
much stuff.

~~~
lotsofpulp
You’d rather choose to hear most of a small amount than some of a larger
amount?

The compensation was never there to begin with for non popular artists, only
difference is now they can distribute it.

~~~
Damogran6
It's not that, there was this huge communal experience that's, well, probably
not gone, but significantly changed. I used to joke that old people listened
to classic rock and it was all the same 7 bands from that late 60's early
70's...all the while not realizing I was forming the same tastes with the
80's...but I still consume new stuff...heck, I have access to 90% of
everything ever recorded, but it's the fraction of that that I'll never have
full mastery of. It lets me sample Zepplin and Beatles and Bowie, and also
Earl (Tongue Tied) and K/DA, and Pomplamoose and I'm not scratching a half a
percent of the music that's out now.

------
highprofittrade
At the end of the day people will do whatever makes them happy. Life is not
black and white and it's different with every person, if you feel FOMO is a
problem in your life change it otherwise keep it up if it makes you happy, I
don't necessarily view it as a negative thing. Although I have never heard of
these terms I am in my early 30s and I think JOMO has been my way of life
since I can remember its what makes me happy. I'm not anti social but I
haven't made new friends in a long time and spend little time on social media.
The few close friends I have, I've known them for 15-20 years, right now I
spend 80% of my free time alone indulging in my personal projects and
activities I enjoy and 20% with those close friends and family and this
balance has been working for me so far.

------
alfiedotwtf
Since having been suspended from Twitter, I wholeheartedly agree with this
article. I’ve found that my quality of life has been so much better, and I’m
actually finding ample time to work on and finish side projects.

Personally, I’ve found that the biggest factor to my stress is obligation, and
not having enough time for everything. Social media, trying to get a handle of
everything that’s happening, and reading every interesting link is a bloody
big obligation.

IMHO, time spent on social media vs your quality of life are inversely
proportional.

------
davchana
For anybody looking the full forms of FOMO & JOMO, like me:

Fear Of Missing Out

Joys Of Missing Out

~~~
psv1
I mean it's right there in the title :)

------
octosphere
I tend to stay away from Instagram as I once read a study (too lazy to find
the paper) that Instagram is more detrimental to mental health than other
social networks and is generally to be avoided (partly this is because you are
comparing other people's highlight reel to your boring drab life).

I use Facebook, albeit sparingly and only ever to make meaningful interactions
with my family, and nothing else. I don't feverishly 'check in' to locations,
don't engage in 'groups', don't 'like' a million-and-one things, or otherwise
engage in the Facebook app in any meaningful way. It means Facebook can't
build a dossier of my interests, although they do know my social graph, but
then: I'm not a person of interest anyway. I am actually very forgettable.

For Twitter, I have a locked down account and only follow what I'm interested
in. I don't actively seek to get more followers, and have literally nothing in
my bio that is about me. I don't use my real name. My account is purely for
discovery of positive news, and content that stimulates me intellectually.

I recently started to experiment with Neuro Linguistic Programming[0] and a
big part of that is deciding what you pay attention to (especially online) and
feeding your brain with content that enables you to grow as a person and not
be bogged down with negative content that only appeals to your 'monkey brain'.
I haven't gone to extremes by cutting out all social media, instead I just use
it mindfully and by carefully choosing the types of content I consume.

[0] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuro-
linguistic_programming](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuro-
linguistic_programming)

~~~
staticvoidmaine
Having just taken a brief look at your link, it seems your link does more to
discredit NLP than justify it. How did you come across it, how did you vet it
before subscribing to it, and how has your experience applying it been?

------
seapunk
Good article, I would like to see some influential people in tech apply these
principles instead of tweeting.

------
xtiansimon
I have over time taken up the habit of saving interesting links to articles
thinking that this repo will be the first place to look when i need something
related to the topics which interest me. Investing. OOP. Nutrition. Books.
Articles. Conferences. All the stuff that’s interesting but not immediately
relevant to my life _right now_.

Sometimes it is useful. Other times, I’m just dealing with my FOMO. Haha. And
I’m ok with that, because I find another joy when my interests match the
zeitgeist.

But it strikes me the last time I really suffer from FOMO was attending
Burning Man some years ago. And with that event having just concluded last
weekend (again without my attendance), it was the first thing I thought about
reading this article.

Well. There’s always _next year_. Haha

------
kakigadol
This subject of FOMO vs JOMO concern me since I moved to the big city. You’re
right in the most of it. My conclusion when I’m thinking back is to have some
base line (infrastructure) of things you like to do and things you don’t (I
like art, music shows and tech talks about the future for example) - it gives
you a better way to take a decision to attend or not to an event/meeting :)
Moreover, limit your weekly go-out and meeting activities to save the balance.

Thank you :)

------
scarejunba
Saying yes to everything often leads to good experiences. I’d recommend it
anyway. I like Instagram because it lets me see what everyone is doing and it
lets you chat about it even though you’re not there. Sometimes they’ll
FaceTime me while they’re there and we’ll chat for a bit and it’s a nice
feeling of warm inclusion.

------
rdiddly
"Miss out" on stupid meaningless stuff, focus on your own
initiatives/priorities/goals, get tons of stuff done, and become the thing
lesser people are afraid of missing out on.

------
rabbitonrails
This article gives me FOMO on JOMO.

------
spodek
Apply this principle to flying and even people who embrace JOMO and profess to
care about the environment go nuts and refuse to consider not flying.

There is huge FOMO at the root of flying. There's incredible joy and abundance
without it that people refuse to sample, as if everyone before flying was
miserable.

~~~
TheGallopedHigh
This comment seems oddly off topic

------
billylo
Less is more.

------
harrydry
This resonated with me. Particularly during my university years. Friends would
go out all the time. Mainly parties, get drunk, discos ...

"Do you wanna come Harry!?" "Err, I'm going to give this one a miss"(x300)

Then they'd leave and it was bliss. Peace and quiet. Just me. And whatever the
hell I wanted to do.

I could never really put my emotion into thoughts. But the joy of missing out
was pretty much it.

"Missing out" is now the status quo. And I'm not sure that's a good thing.
Sometimes I feel like a should try more stuff, but do it on my own terms. I'm
sure I'll get there.

Thanks for writing. I intend on checking out Svend's book.

~~~
DoofusOfDeath
It sounds like you're describing the relief an introvert gets by having some
solitude to recharge.

