
Ask HN: What is your significant other like?  - ladybro
Obviously this question is very unrelated to a lot of the usual tech information that fills Hacker News, but this question has been piquing my interest lately.<p>As an engineer, I seem to differ significantly from my friends in what I look for and enjoy in terms of the opposite sex. Many of the qualities that I seek in a relationship aren&#x27;t important or even mentionable to those in different professions.<p>Did you marry another engineer? A CS major? A PR major? How is your SO similar to you? How are they significantly different? Have these differences helped&#x2F;hurt your relationship?
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daenney
My SO is of the same sex so in that context we're rather similar.

He's in tech, so am I but he's in media, I'm a devop. It allows us to both be
nerdy, around each other, but not have our lives revolve around that. We can
talk nerdy but since we already live in that we tend to do other things when
we're together. It balances things out in a nice way. We can also both
understand that sometimes you need to pull crazy hours and that things like
that are just expected of us. Being in the same domain helps in our case but I
wouldn't bet on that being something you should look for in a good
relationship.

I'm more routine bound, I have things that I need to do a certain way, my way.
He's far less obsessive in that except for when it comes to planning events,
like a holiday, where I'm totally relaxt and last-minute and he's stressed out
just by thinking about all that needs to be done.

I never look for specific qualities in people I gather around me nor did I
build up a profile about my partner. Most people I meet and stick with I just
click with. It's not something professional, we don't necessarily share the
same hobbies, it's just a feeling of recognising something in that person and
simply knowing it's all good.

As far as my experience goes, it's better to let certain things in life just
happen to you than go look for something specific. I'm not saying it's not
good to have a plan for your future, things you wish to achieve. But my
friends and partner all just happend to me, sometimes at the most crazy
moments in my life, but I'm very glad they all did.

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dylangs1030
Completely unlike me; a liberal arts major and works on Broadway. Much more
creative than I am - she prefers to talk about more down to earth,
entertaining things (T.V. we're watching, her day working with
actors/actresses, etc.) than computer architecture, and she loves being
artistic (painting, drawing, singing).

That said, she's very intelligent, but not technically so. I'm the kind of
person who sucks up knowledge like a sponge - she doesn't get the same kind of
joy out of reading Wikipedia :).

To be clear, I love this setup. It's really wonderful being with someone
completely non-technical for a host of reasons. The worst thing that comes up
is that she asks me to debug her computer once in a while.

EDIT: Read the other comments. I do find she has the same sense of humor as me
(I think that's really important), and I think that's really important. In
situations like this I think it's really important that we're both open to
different lifestyles for it to be compatible. She's very open to listening to
the intricate details of a programming language, and I get pleasure out of
learning how professional theatre operates (to give one example).

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kellishaver
We're a lot alike in a many ways. My husband is also a developer (though more
as a hobbyist the past few years - he also owns a local computer repair shop).

We both share a love of strategy gaming, we're both introverts, atheists,
liberal. Neither of us are particularly outdoorsy or sporty. He's much better
at math, and I'm much more expressive, artistically.

He plays more video games than I do and I watch more documentaries than he
does. He's a bit of a dreamer. I'm a bit more pragmatic.

We both have a very similar sense of humor.

We both have our own particular hobbies/interests that the other doesn't
share, though. Sometimes I think it would be nice if we did, but I think the
differences are also probably very important and healthy, too.

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vajrapani666
My SO is of the same sex. We are both in tech, he is more of a ux designer
(though he started as a rails engineer), and I am more backend. We hack
together often, and constantly inspire each other to be disruptive in what we
put together.

For me, I look for people in tech. My ex was also an engineer, give it up for
the bay area and having so many chill, cute, stoner-engineer types. I love
having a boyfriend that understands "You.kind_of? Cute == true". Having
somebody to come home to that understands what I did today, and understanding
his challenges and being able to communicate about it is awesome. There is no
"translation" layer, I feel like this helps communication.

We have plenty of differences, he is into home-improvement, I am into lots of
music production. In general, we are more similar than other couples I've met.
We have enough differences to keep it interesting, and enough in common that
we never run out of things to talk about!

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mattm
Completely different in regards to tech. She got her first email address just
4 years ago and doesn't really understand what I do for work. Most importantly
though we share the same values and sense of humor. So it doesn't hurt in the
least. She's a nurse.

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JoeAltmaier
She's a writer and has a masters in social-sciences. Her interests are mostly
helping people; making a fortune or even a living are uninteresting to her. We
make a wonderful combination.

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anigbrowl
Quite like me, also nerdy. She's better at math than I am, I am a bit more
risk-tolerant than she is. I'm very good friends with my wife and we also
share a similar sense of humor, two things that I think are very important.

