
Don’t ask me for advice; buy me lunch instead - Liu
http://thenextweb.com/entrepreneur/2011/12/05/dont-ask-me-for-advice-buy-me-lunch-instead/
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michael_dorfman
Arlo Guthrie tells a famous story about being accosted after a concert in 1972
by a skinny short guy who wanted to play him a song. Arlo said "How about you
buy me a beer, and as long as I sit here drinking my beer, you can do anything
you want?"

The skinny short guy was Steve Goodman, the song was "City of New Orleans",
which became Arlo's biggest hit.

"That turned out to be one of the better beers of my life."

~~~
bvvz
Great example. Would've done well as an example in the post.

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flyosity
I may be in the minority here, but I've received more than a few of these
emails (people offering to buy me lunch to discuss an idea) and I always turn
them down. Here are my reasons:

1) I typically go to lunch with my friends/coworkers and talk about projects
we're working on together, and usually we come up with some deeper insight
than we have together in meetings. I'd miss this.

2) My lunch time is my personal time during the day where I unwind from the
morning's activities and take a break. If my brain has to "be on" for a deep
conversation, I wouldn't get much of a break and might a) get tired, b) get
sloppy, c) lose motivation later in the day.

3) Lunch is what, $20 tops? Closer to $10? My time is worth more than $10-20
for an hour's worth of conversation about someone's project. Say I have some
interesting idea/insight/solution and we talk about it, and that
idea/insight/solution ends up being really important to them. I ended up
getting free lunch, they could end up making a bunch of money. The scales are
not even.

I'm fully aware that other people (maybe most people?) would be excited about
getting free lunch, so maybe I'm an outlier, but I thought I'd drop my two
cents in.

~~~
arrel
His intention was to get people to be a little more considerate when asking
for people's time, not turning relationships into dollar-per-hour
transactions. We in the nerd community often have problems empathizing with
others, and thinking more about turning a request (check out my new startup)
into a nice experience for the other guy (how about free lunch?) would go a
long way toward getting people to hear us out.

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ivankirigin
This is mind numbingly obvious. I'd even say that it doesn't really come to
the best conclusion, because going out to lunch takes far more time than lunch
at your company if they cater. Skype is the clear winner in efficiency.

Want to have more efficient office hours? Split an hour into three parts and
post the times to ohours.org or any of the other such sites. I did this when I
had a bit more time a few months ago and loved it.

A side note: one of my favorite social dances is knowing that the other person
is going to pay for lunch or coffee but reaching for my wallet anyway. I'm
happy and capable to pay for myself - hell I'd buy your meal if It makes you
happy. But that moment when you start a lean and reach is the trigger to hear
"oh, it is on me!" and it is golden

It is similar to bending forward when with a group of people at lunch to imply
everyone should now stand and leave.

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zbruhnke
This is a really interesting take on the subject.

I am almost completely opposite in how I evaluate these emails, phone calls
and messages.

I was raised with an "I can do anything" mentality and so i reached out to
probably dozens if not hundreds of people when doing my first couple
businesses as nothing but a kid.

Truth be told the only real thing I had going for me is that I was too dumb to
know I should have failed and too stubborn to give up when for all intents and
purposes I already had.

When I get emails these days asking for help I usually try to gauge one thing.

How bad does this person want it?

If they truly care it comes off in their tone and if there is passion in what
they are doing they are very likely to succeed whether the odds are stacked
against them or not.

If they seem less passionate I typically dont really bother meeting with them
or discussing anything much further.

But in kind of a pay it forward mentality I realize that I could never give
back to the people that gave to me at least to the extent some of them
contributed. So the best I can do is help those who are in need now.

Often someone will ask me to go to dinner and pick my brain about certain
things or get my opinion on a subject, some just simply ask for help, but when
I take those dinners I usually buy.

And then I spend the time with them telling them everything that other people
spent their time telling me and some things I wish I would've been told.

What the author of this post should know is that you get out of life what you
make. and sometimes the obvious answer to "What's in it for me" is the least
helpful part of that entire equation.

I have learned so much by giving others advice and learning from their
downfalls and strengths. Most of us can.

But some of us never will if we walk around worrying about what we will get
out of it.

------
c0riander
Mark Suster's advice is directly contrary to this - he says to NEVER ask a
busy person to lunch, since that's a large chunk of wasted (and in my
experience, if the conversation isn't well, essentially captive) time.

[http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2011/10/13/never-ask-a-
bu...](http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2011/10/13/never-ask-a-busy-person-
to-lunch-heres-why/)

Where they crossover, obviously, is emphasizing making a request that
considers the other person's schedule and needs when you are asking for
something.

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iconfinder
Somebody should start a website were interesting people could sign up for free
lunches and startups could pick and choose who they wanted to get feedback
from.

~~~
keeran
That's an interesting idea, why don't you buy me lunch and we could talk about
it some more? :)

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winternett
The reason why I maintain a solid circle of honest friends in my tech
community is that we exchange services and gifts rather than money.

I frequently tell oblivious entry level developers and aspiring musicians to
show respect to those who consult them as friends and associates by giving
back to people who give them substantial advice...

You would think this was common knowledge -- We have no problem in going to
College and paying 100k+ for an education, but when someone mentors you or
gives you honest feedback that greatly will or does immediately impact your
success, it shouldn't be taken likely, nor overlooked as their obligation to
teach us. Show people your thanks for honest help, its one of the primary
rules in being successful.

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JoeAltmaier
How cool that would be! To be a respected blogger, and get paid for my leads
via lunch too. Instead of having to do footwork, interview startups, come up
with inside information worth blogging about by talking to all those boring
people.

~~~
icebraining
So what? I don't know about others, but my parents are theater actors and the
critics that go to their plays certainly don't pay the ticket price.

Just like the engineer gets paid $1 for the chalk and $49999 for knowing where
to put it, he supposedly worked to be a respected blogger and now he's
rewarded for that.

~~~
cbs
>he supposedly worked to be a respected blogger and now he's rewarded for that

Supply and demand makes that the situation that he can tell people if they
want his attention they need to buy him lunch, what it doesn't do is make him
any less of a douche for doing so.

~~~
icebraining
But isn't that like saying an experienced software developer is a douche for
asking for a salary higher than minimal living wage?

He brings value to the startups, seems perfectly OK to me to ask them to pay
him back for his time, and a lunch is hardly expensive in exchange for the
publicity.

Maybe it's some social convention I'm missing, but personally I have no
problem with what he's doing.

~~~
csomar
I would put it in another context. It's like giving your developers a room to
play games, read books and relax. You are basically attracting them by
cool/nice things that aren't really expensive.

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OoTheNigerian
There is this video of Kevin Rose advising startups on how to hack the
attention of the "top guys" at conferences.

Instead of paying a fortune and getting 5 mins with say a Fred Wilson, Scoble
or Mark Suster; you and your pals can club together and offer to buy them
breakfast/lunch/dinner. You will end up having almost an hour having a decent
conversation which they will almost remember.

The idea is not that they need your lunch money, but that you were smart
enough to fit yourself in the context of pleasant things they still had to do.

Brilliant advise I would say.

Here is the video: <http://vimeo.com/6905398> (taking your site from one to
one million)

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brianbreslin
I want to +10 this. I get asked for advice/my feedback on lots of local
startups and turn them down often because of the inconvenience to me. I'd go
to a free lunch though most of the time.

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qq66
I've done this with a twist -- I prepare the breakfast myself. I've never had
someone tell me that my French toast isn't the best they've ever had.

~~~
bostonvaulter2
So do you invite them over to your house? Or do you bring breakfast to their
workplace?

~~~
qq66
Only done it once professionally, at my house, which was convenient to them.

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kahawe
In short: the corporate wining-and-dining culture we like to shun as
corporate-fat-cat-ism otherwise? Obviously very practical and even hackers
want to be wined and dined...

