
When Silence Is a Plea Bargain: On Life as a Stutterer - fern12
https://www.guernicamag.com/silence-plea-bargain/
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lsadam0
I'm curious if any others with a stutter have had a similar experience as
myself. I've always had a severe stutter, and spent many years in speech
therapy learning to deal. I'm fairly good at managing it, using many of the
same techniques others in this thread have mentioned. Of course, the stutter
never got better, I just became better at managing it.

However, as an adult I was diagnosed with ADD and started to take a low dose
of Adderall. Of all the ways this was a positive influence in my life the
largest change was that as long as I am medicated the stutter completely
disappears. I don't know if I can put into words what a sense of relief this
was :). I will always remember the first time I spoke without analyzing and
organizing every word before hand, one day a sentence just came out without a
single thought. I've actually had to relearn having a filter on what I say. If
I go off the medication for more than a day, the stutter comes back in full
force.

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le-mark
As an introvert prone to social anxiety, a lot of this resonated with me. I
however, am not subject to betrayal by my own voice, as a stutterer must be.
This passage really stood out;

 _Absent the context afforded by weekly papers and emails, silence acts as a
blank slate onto which people tend to project their own insecurities,
expectations, even paranoia. It can masquerade as apathy, or rudeness_

I've always found that keeping quiet was just easier in so many ways.
Consequently I've always been seen as quiet, reserved, stoic at best or cold
and judgemental at worst. I've only recently come to realize what a disservice
I've done myself by keeping quiet all these years. No one knows what I'm about
if I don't tell them. If I'm kind and generous, I have to tell people what I'm
about, who I am, through _words_ and actions.

~~~
fern12
This is my case as well (i.e., not a stutterer, but introvert prone to social
anxiety). When I was a toddler, my family took a vacation to Mexico, and on
the way back into the US, a very stern border patrol officer (who I realize
now was just doing his job), started barking questions at me one after
another. I immediately froze, and refused to speak. He pulled us over to the
side, and it became a tense situation with my parents freaking out, and
everyone pressuring me to speak. Fortunately, my sister is a chatterbox and
resembles me enough that he let us go (plus, I had my passport), but the
experience left a strong impact on me. After that, I felt like I relived the
moment in school, every time the teacher called on me to answer.

Later on, I became a bookworm in part because through reading I found that I
could pick out words and phrases to reuse in normal conversation.

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programmarchy
Sorry that happened to you. It's insane to yell at a toddler like that, and
your parents should have defended you.

~~~
fern12
Thanks. Later, my parents tried explaining that he was only trying to prove I
could speak English. But yeah, that was the first and last family vacation we
took to Mexico, lol.

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Overtonwindow
Forgive me for commenting so much, this is a topic very near and dear to my
heart. I encourage all of the engineers out there to look at a stuttering
fluency device called the SpeechEasy. It's a very deceptive device that is
ripe for innovation.

1) the device works on the chorus effect, echoing a person's voice to help
smooth out fluency.

2) its not gurranteed to work, won't work for most people, and likely
beneficial effects will wear off within 1-2 years.

3) Minimum price: $3,000

4) Not covered by most insurance companies.

SpeechEasy like devices and other fluency technology is ripe for disruption. I
encourage all engineers and software developers to consider how low cost
technology can be made to assist people with disabilities.

/soapbox plea

~~~
southphillyman
Speecheasy comes with an "invisible" earpiece to transmit the playback.
Wouldn't it be relatively easy to create a mobile app to perform the same way
and have a special earpiece as an accessory?

~~~
Overtonwindow
Yes! There have been lots of discussions about how to fix this issue. Mobile
app, but also a bluetooth earpiece and independent device in the pocket, etc.
My encouragement is to focus on cost. The technology behind the SpeechEasy is
1950s tech. Surely something could be made off the shelf that works just as
good, for a lot, lot less.

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rdtsc
> Guidance counselors, speech therapists, and teachers alike flocked to my
> suddenly choked speech, forming what

Well my childhood speech therapist was ironically located in a mental
hospital. So in order to attend the session my mom had to drag me through "a
hallway of horrors" where having to pass by patients there either staring
catatonically into space, mumbling nonsense, or doing other weird stuff.
Needless to say I didn't attend those for too long. But I do remember them
trying the latest research techniques on me, which was a delayed audio
feedback loop, not sure how effective it was, because we didn't come back
after a while.

Another thing I noticed is that my cousin also stutters, wonder if it is
genetic in any way. His stuttering was triggered by being scared by dog once.
Don't remember why mine started.

> I substituted in place of “trouble words,”

Heh, you'd be surprised how many synonyms I know because of that. Some words
don't have good synonyms, those words are to be feared and they cause extreme
anxiety ... which causes even more stutter.

> and my classmates were quick to assure me that it sounded just as ridiculous
> as I thought.

Yeah on the plus side I guess I developed a pretty thick skin against being
made fun of, as I've been made fun of constantly, well since as long as I
remember.

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Aloha
It never occurred to me that my stutter could spill across into the way I
write - but it does - the word choices I use when writing are directly related
to the word choices I'd use when speaking. I use similar word substitution
tactics to get around a minor stutter, its lead me to have a much wider
working vocabulary than I would otherwise.

~~~
Bromskloss
> word substitution tactics to get around a minor stutter

What are those?

~~~
southphillyman
There are probably people that you have known for years that stutter and you
don't realize it. I almost never stutter in interviews, on dates, or casual
conversation in public. It's possible to "hide" in normal casuals settings. If
you feel a block coming when you want to say "outrageous" just say "crazy"
instead and things like that. I once worked on a team where two other guys
stuttered, a DBA and Project Manager which is extraordinary since I think it
affects less than 1% of the population. Anyway I knew instantly that they
stuttered because they would take pauses a lot and the DBA in particular spoke
very slowly like he was constantly thinking about his choice of words. I don't
think any of us ever stuttered on the job but from someone familiar with the
situation it was clear that coping mechanisms were being used to increase
fluency.

~~~
lsadam0
Exactly. The thing that I've struggled to explain to others is just how
exhausting those coping mechanisms can be. I've lost count of how many times
I've had to explain "No, I'm not shy, I'm just completely exhausted from
talking".

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genzoman
I worked with a really great DevOps guy who had a bad stutter, and was not a
native English speaker. I myself had a surgery that paralyzed one of my vocal
chords and I couldn't speak above a whisper for years and still can't be heard
in loud places. I can commiserate with just wanting to let other people know
what you're thinking, but just not physically being able to do it. It's not
easy, but the isolation it caused gave me my tech chops today. Not sure I'd
always trade that tit for tat, but c'est la vie.

~~~
lsadam0
I definitely isolated myself as a kid and poured myself into tech. I much
preferred to hang out on IRC rather than face to face. At least on IRC I could
say what I wanted without pouring a great deal of energy into saying it. I
know what you mean, part of me wishes I didn't have the stutter at all, but
because of it I have a great career.

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Overtonwindow
Wow this is very powerful. I use to volunteer with kids who stutter, and the
frustration, sadness, and silence due to an inability to communicate clearly
was so painful to see.

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southphillyman
Why isn't this considered a disability in the U.S.?

~~~
Overtonwindow
It is in some, if not all parts. Many people with severe stutter are on social
security disability.

~~~
southphillyman
Interesting, I never heard of this. The father of an old friend I had was a
severe stutter. Multiple elongated blocks in every sentence. I use to come
over and witness his dad getting ready for one of his many manual labor type
jobs and wondered what opportunities he missed out on due to his disability
and whether or not he should be able to collect some kind of assistance for
it.

~~~
Overtonwindow
The job market is horrible for people who stutter. This is primarily due to
the speaking issues, but also just as significantly, is the tacit bias towards
people who stutter. People who don't understand think it's a mental condition,
or someone is speaking too fast, etc. They're repelled by this person with a
speaking disability. Most people do not understand that 1) we have no idea
what causes stuttering, 2) there's no cure for it, and 3) it's typically a
lifelong condition. I met a lot of people who stutter who would take any job
they can get. This one young man got a degree in IT, really smart guy, but it
took him 51 interviews before he finally landed a job with the city's IT
department.

