
On dating sites, spelling, punctuation are judged - katiey
http://www.wsj.com/articles/whats-really-hot-on-dating-sites-proper-grammar-1443746849
======
tsotha
They use a man as an example for the story, but I'd bet my last dollar this is
mostly something women do. And it seems perfectly reasonable, too. The big
problem for women on dating sites is _too much choice_ , so any reasonable
criteria they can use to winnow down the crowd is a worth applying.

If you send a message riddled with spelling and punctuation mistakes, what
you're really saying is "I'm not taking this seriously enough to spend an
extra five minutes proofreading my message." You may as well write "Hey, I'm
here for the sex, and don't expect me to put any effort into it." Probably
fine if your looks can justify that kind of attitude, but for the rest of
us...

And yeah, it shouldn't be surprising nobody on Grindr cares.

~~~
Mz
_Probably fine if your looks can justify that kind of attitude, but for the
rest of us..._

Women tend to care less about "looks" \-- or, at least, care differently. I
have seen studies that indicate that women are typically looking for "looks"
that suggest career success more than _hot bod._

~~~
7Figures2Commas
> Women tend to care less about "looks" \-- or, at least, care differently. I
> have seen studies that indicate that women are typically looking for "looks"
> that suggest career success more than hot bod.

From [http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-
dati...](http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/):

> As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as
> worse-looking than medium. Very harsh.

> Paradoxically, it seems it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards
> for the “average” member of the opposite sex.

But there's also this:

> On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their
> expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier
> pattern than guys’ pursuing the all-but-unattainable. But with the basic
> ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange
> possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is
> that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority
> of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and
> messages them anyway.

Perhaps this speaks to your "differently" point, but it's still amusing (or
disturbing depending on one's relationship status) that online daters appear
to generally be so disconnected from reality.

This really isn't shocking though. The biggest problem with online dating is
that it gives people the false impression they have unlimited options. The
perfect person (handsome/gorgeous, educated, fun, wealthy, emotionally
available, etc.) who will put your past dates to shame could always join
tomorrow. This dynamic leads to people becoming incredibly picky[1], so the
bar for what constitutes "attractive", "educated", "wealthy", etc. is for many
always rising beyond what will ever _realistically_ be available to them.

[1] [http://www.psychologicalscience.org/pdf/PSPI-
online_dating-p...](http://www.psychologicalscience.org/pdf/PSPI-
online_dating-proof.pdf)

~~~
Mz
Online daters are not the be all and end all of humanity. What people say in
studies on dating sites may not be representative of humanity as a whole.

~~~
7Figures2Commas
I never said they were. Frankly, the studies should motivate singles to make a
concerted effort to get out and interact with people in real life.

------
afshin
The last two paragraphs about how Grindr is completely different are great.

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Stratoscope
Is the poor punctuation in the title (the article's subtitle) deliberate
irony?

I realize that headlines don't follow quite the same rules as normal English,
but the way it's written is a real mess:

> On dating sites, spelling, punctuation are judged

Why not use correct and easily understood punctuation and grammar?

> On dating sites, spelling and punctuation are judged

~~~
daxelrod
Newspaper headline style often trades grammar for brevity to accommodate a
small amount of space in print. Replacing "and" with a comma is a common
convention.

~~~
Stratoscope
I'm aware of that, but thanks for pointing it out in any case.

It just seemed like an odd choice in a subtitle _about punctuation_.

~~~
daxelrod
That's fair. I'm guessing one of the following happened:

1\. The editor rewrote the headline (this happens often) without considering
the content of the article

2\. Newspaper people are so used to their standards for headlines that they
don't think of their style as bad grammar

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swang
I find spelling/grammar mistakes annoying in a profile, but probably won't
affect my decision/interest that much.

English isn't my first language so I won't really care if English is not their
first language either. But if all you've learned to read/speak/write is
English I think having poor grammar is indicative of being less
educated/intelligent. I think even guys only have so much time to spend trying
to find a date.

If all you want is to get laid though, who cares.

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d2xdy2
I'm amazed this warranted research and an WSJ article.

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rdancer
I would love to see what the article's copy looked like when it landed on the
editor's desk :-)

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ape4
There is bad grammar and there is "I will see you their".

~~~
astrange
It sounds more like an autocorrect mistake than anything. I hope people don't
let those linger in their minds.

~~~
pmiller2
Exactly what I thought. I've seen some bizarre stuff come out of autocorrect,
so I tend to give a little latitude in that department. But, if the message
says something like "Heyyyy u r so hott," that's one that's getting deleted or
ignored.

------
zobzu
tldr and reinterpretation:

If the grammer is bad enough it means either of two things:

\- the person is not well educated regarding English/local language (that's a
turn-off)

\- the person's spell checker auto-completed wrong/typed too fast

Now what that tells you when someone interprets this always as "uneducated" or
"person doesn't pay enough attention to me" (and will "justi-lie" it as "no,
no I just don't like bad grammar/typos")?

Well, that means they're assholes. So, in the end, things work out at nature
intended.

------
Mz
Obligatory:
[http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-849/](http://www.girlswithslingshots.com/comic/gws-849/)

------
stared
It's all about priorities. For me no matter how hot is someone, a single
stupid phase is a turn-off. And a clever phase can make me intrigued, even if
the visual site is less than perfect. (keyword: sapiosexual)

But I get that for some others (most?) it's all about the looks.

~~~
brandonmenc
The "sapiosexual" designation is ridiculous. I find it impossible to believe
everyone claiming it is sexually attracted to say, Stephen Hawking.

~~~
CyberDildonics
That is ridiculous. When is attraction ever so myopic?

Do you like skinny girls? Then why aren't you attracted to rail thin frail old
women?

~~~
hugh4
Yes I do. But I don't go round labelling myself as a "skinnysexual"
(macrescosexual?) for liking skinny girls, because that would be silly.

------
greggman
I'm happy to be rejected by people who are anal retentive about spelling and
punctuation. They're 100% not my type. This is especially true because I
interact with lots of people whose first language is not English which means
"bad" grammar is par for the course. The same people that would reject you for
having bad grammar are effectively racists

~~~
hugh4
I never realised that "speaking English as a first language" was a race.

~~~
Eric_WVGG
Hence his use of the word “effectively.” [insert some sort of quip questioning
if English is your first language here]

~~~
vacri
In this context, 'effectively' is a weasel word that doesn't actually change
the intent of the comment.

~~~
Eric_WVGG
It is a modifier that makes explicit his intention not to use the word
literally. Ironic that I'm getting dinged in a thread of discussion about
language.

If you want to tell they guy he's hyperbolic (he is), then fine, but don't
tell him he said this something was ACTUALLY the same as being racist when he
went out of his way not to

