
Ask HN: I started a company in Japan but I'm in over my head - ownerthrowaway
So, long story short, I invested 50k USD into incorporating a company in Japan (a 株式会社) and now I&#x27;m realising I probably don&#x27;t have what it takes to make this work.<p>A bit of background: I&#x27;ve been in Japan since 2011, doing a mix of programming, studying and English teaching.  I&#x27;ve never managed to keep a programming job longer than 6 months, so realistically I was mostly supported by English teaching.<p>I like living in Japan but I haven&#x27;t been able to progress my career much.  I thought maybe I would have better luck starting my own company so I paid an judicial scrivener to incorporate a company and I invested all my savings into it.  Another reason for starting the company was to allow me to extend my visa.<p>Well, after starting the company at the start of this year I realise I was hopelessly naive. I haven&#x27;t really managed to do anything (the same problem I had when I was working for other companies).  I&#x27;ve only really managed to use my bank account recently.  I&#x27;ve got lots of forms and paperwork that I&#x27;m supposed to file but I don&#x27;t really know what its for or how to fill it in.  I&#x27;ve very much in over my head.<p>I haven&#x27;t managed to release any software or do any consulting.<p>What is my next step?  I have honestly thought about suicide, or just fleeing the country.  But I want to do the right thing, I don&#x27;t want my actions to reflect badly on other foreigners in Japan.<p>Does anyone have any advice about what to do next, or how to avoid getting into scrapes like this in the future?
======
patio11
Do you want to continue operating a business? If so, then you probably want
accountants to handle the paperwork / filings part of running the business for
you. You should expect to pay about ~$10k a year for this all in, including
the service in English that (reading between the lines) you likely require.

If you cannot operate a business, then you can have accountants wind down the
operations of the current business. This will not reflect particularly poorly
on you, especially to the extent that the business was more a paper entity
than something with material operations. (Failure at running a business is not
exactly prized in Japan; infelicitous choices in paperwork can be taken care
of.)

I would be happy to give you the name of an English-speaking accountancy in
Tokyo that can help you with either of the above. Please feel free to send me
an email; my address is in my profile.

You should probably speak to a mental health professional. I don't have a
great recommendation for one here; consider asking your friends or, in
extremis, your local city hall for a referral to an English-speaking one. If
the health-oriented parts of city hall don't have a ready answer the
internationalization-oriented part (hopefully) does; this is a Top 10 ask for
them.

~~~
ajeet_dhaliwal
I'm curious why it costs so much to handle the paperwork/filings for a company
that sounds like it's essentially dormant. Is that just normal in Japan?

Also is 50k the cost of incorporation or the capital required to incorporate
in Japan? If so, if he/she dissolves the company can she get some of that
back?

To the original poster, I wish you all the best, sincerely, you can get
through this, and like others have said you can make back the 50k, try not to
worry about that, that only pays for a couple of years of private school for a
little kid where I live.

~~~
ownerthrowaway
I put in 50k because that is what is needed to get a business manager visa.
Right now it is sitting in the company account. I'm sure I could get some of
it back if I closed the company.

~~~
wiqo0s
If the $50k is your paid up registered capital, you can loan out the money
back to yourself as a loan to director or even another legal entity (such as a
US or foreign corporation, LLC, LP, etc.). The $50k of registered capital (the
investment to secure the visa) would remain on the balance sheet.

Perhaps you could remain in business and assist foreigners with setting up
Japanese companies.

~~~
titanix2
> Perhaps you could remain in business and assist foreigners with setting up
> Japanese companies.

Someone with an empty shell business, limited or no Japanese skill and no
Japanese cofounder is precisely the last person I would ask advice to set up
my company there.

------
hardwaresofton
Hey please head to hntokyo.io and join the HN Tokyo slack and I think you'd be
able to find some help.

Also, there's a meet up this week on Thursday (I think --
[https://hntokyo.doorkeeper.jp/](https://hntokyo.doorkeeper.jp/)) if you're
free to come to that, and you can meet some of the community.

I also know a fantastic accountant that has helped me since I got to the
country, along with a great lawyer that has helped me renew my visa every year
as I run my own tiny tiny consultancy.

Feel free to email me as well -- I am in just about the exact same boat as you
except I went the 合同会社 route. Please don't do anything rash until you at least
attend the meetup this week
[https://hntokyo.doorkeeper.jp/](https://hntokyo.doorkeeper.jp/) and talk to
some people who can help.

[EDIT] - Considering the off-chance that you don't go to the meet up or
contact me -- what you can do is actually get a contract position at a
software company in Japan (check out AngelList, Glassdoor, whatever), you can
actually find a company that will contract with your company DIRECTLY -- then
you can put some money in the bank and feel like you're being productive.

Also, I've never known anything to generate better motivation to work on your
own stuff than building someone else's stuff. So I'm sure after a few months
you'll find some more motivation to work on your own stuff.

You probably need to dump your accountant -- sounds like they're not anywhere
near useful enough -- I use [http://www.mimaki-tax.com/](http://www.mimaki-
tax.com/).

~~~
ownerthrowaway
Thanks for the invitation, I would love to take you up on it but Tokyo is a
long way away from where I live.

I've actually had multiple freelance contracts locally but I've never managed
to do any of them really. I had one making a business database of properties
for a realtor where I couldn't make any progress and just stopped contacting
them. I want to email them to apologise but I can never bring myself to do it.

~~~
murukesh_s
I have one suggestion if you are getting contracts you are good at selling.
Why don't you sub contract the work then? Or work as a salesperson for
outsourcing companies in India or even US?

~~~
dkersten
I was thinking the exact same thing. Hell, I’d almost take some off his hands
haha

------
Timpy
I lived in Japan for two years and I want to point out something that you've
said that struck me. "I don't want my actions to reflect badly on other
foreigners in Japan." This wouldn't have made any sense to me before. I found
that in Japanese culture, the identity of the self is wrapped up in the role
of society. You're too worried about your role, your 建て前(tatemae). This is
different from the West, where individuality is celebrated.

I had to move back home and spend a lot of time with my family to be reminded
that I am much more than a gaijin in Japanese society. I've been out of Japan
for three years and I still think about it every day.

You may already be cognizant of this, but I wasn't, I didn't realize how it
was affecting me. Do you have family or friends back home that you can talk to
about your troubles? This isn't financial or business advice, this is personal
advice. I know you're protecting your 建て前 but you should consider that it's
just a construct, it doesn't define you, and it's not worth killing yourself
over.

~~~
l5870uoo9y
> Honne and tatemae are Japanese words that describe the contrast between a
> person's true feelings and desires (本音 hon'ne, "true sound") and the
> behavior and opinions one displays in public (建前 tatemae, "built in front",
> "façade").[1]

I have always felt uncomfortable with the concept of "inside face and outside
face". It comes off as disingenuous and dishonest.

[1]:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honne_and_tatemae](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honne_and_tatemae)

~~~
sdrothrock
> I have always felt uncomfortable with the concept of "inside face and
> outside face". It comes off as disingenuous and dishonest.

Or is the unsubtle expression of the concept uncomfortable?

Americans do the same thing; you can see this in the casual talk Americans
also have with cashiers or wait staff. Just because you're friendly and
chatting doesn't mean you actually want to be friends and go out and do
something together.

The Culture Map by Erin Meyer expresses this idea as a spectrum from a peach
to a coconut: on the one end, you get a soft exterior with a hard interior; on
the other, a hard interior with a soft exterior. The point though, is that
everyone does this -- just in a different way.

I've known some Japanese people who've gone to the US, been confronted with
the super friendly casual American attitude, then been horribly offended when
it turned out that that friendliness wasn't "real." Part of this is the
stereotype that Americans are "honest and direct," and part of this is that
Americans tend toward the peach end of the spectrum, while Japanese people
tend toward the coconut end.

------
scandox
Sounds like you need to focus on yourself. There are many unanswered questions
in the situation you've described:

1\. Why are you in Japan? Is it a good place for you?

2\. Why have you not been able to hold a programming job?

3\. Why have you found it difficult "to do anything" with this or while with
other companies?

4\. Why are you concerned with what the Japanese people will think of other
foreigners in relation to your actions?

5\. How much of your savings can you recover from the company?

You seem like quite a self-aware person and yet your question lacks many of
the contextual elements other people would need to help you. I think you need
to talk this over with someone in person - probably someone with experience.

~~~
ownerthrowaway
1\. I came here after graduating college and really liked living here, so I
stayed.

2/3\. I've had three so far. The first one was a startup (I was an employee)
that ran out of money. The second I spent 6 months working there but I
couldn't concentrate on the work and couldn't produce anything. I don't think
I committed any lines of code in 6 months. I was ashamed of my performance and
quit right after renewing my visa. The third job I was there for 2 months. I
felt even more pressure after doing poorly at the previous job. I felt so
confused even when just setting up the environment. I barely managed to do
anything in 2 months and used to just hide in the toilets sobbing. I felt
ashamed and couldn't handle it anymore so I quit.

4\. Foreigners have lots of trouble getting apartments etc in Japan. If I just
pack a suitcase and get on a plane leaving everything here in the lurch I'd
feel bad because it has effects on other people.

5\. Maybe 40k?

~~~
scandox
I feel like points 1 + 2/3 are in pretty stark contradiction to each other,
honestly speaking. Work is a pretty important part of life (if one must work
that is). It's clear that you're finding the work culture there dispiriting
and uncongenial.

If I were you I'd get my money out and take an extended trip home (if that is
possible for you). You're worrying about other people at a time when you need
more care than they do - after all "they" are a pure abstraction let's face
it.

To put it simply: Put on your own oxygen mask first.

------
brandelune
First, relax.

A company is just an entity that allows you to pay less taxes overall.

Don't worry for not having been able to start much.

Regarding all the paperwork, go to the tax office (or the relevant offices)
and ask them for help. They are always willing to help. Be honest and sincere
and they'll sometimes fill the stuff in your place if necessary.

One thing you can do is shift your English teaching activity to the company.
That's good for your taxes.

Do _not_ hire an accountant for anything right now. You'll lose money.

I've lived here for 22 years, had my company for 12, I'm not doing anything
magic with it but it pays the bills.

Send me a mail if you want.

------
mgbelisle
I lived in Japan and understand what you're talking about. Never started a
company like you or brandelune but I have done endless piles of bank paperwork
and software tech support in Japanese. Message me directly if you want to talk
more, but I would apply for a software job in your home country and if you
land it then move out of Japan. If the software applications don't land you
anything then I would stay in Japan as an English teacher and use your
software knowledge to connect you with higher paying clients like traveling
software engineers or software company managers.

> I have honestly thought about suicide, or just fleeing the country.

Make sure to tell your closest friend about this. There's no shame at all in
anything that you've tried so far. And your life is worth _way_ more than
corporate success in a country that drowns itself in bureaucratic paperwork.

~~~
f_allwein
Also, please seek some emotional support, e.g. from
[https://www.samaritans.org](https://www.samaritans.org) (free, confidential,
non judgemental).

------
noonespecial
Just so that you see it again: Suicide as a fix for this situation is
ridiculous. (Please note, I'm not saying that _you_ are ridiculous for feeling
this way)

Its a perception error like considering amputation for a nasty paper cut. Your
sense of scale is just a little muddled right now. If you find yourself
seriously considering this, find someone you trust and talk about this so they
can help you get some perspective.

Crashing a business isn't "a life of eternal shame" bad. Its "laugh with
buddies at a bar later" bad.

~~~
rhombocombus
I know the feeling, but having wound down a business with a similar asset
profile, I can say that it is better to be nursing credit cards a few years
later having learned scores of valuable lessons than it would have been
jumping off a bridge. My life is objectively and subjectively better having
gone through owning a failing business than it would have if I had just run.
Hang in there, it gets better, and better things await you!

------
Treegarden
If I were you I would try to be realistic and cut my losses. Follow the advice
of getting an accountant and focus on what is important for your company. If
you had a good reason to start it then you should persist if it is
appropriate, however if you where dreaming too much either change your
priorities or cut your losses. Its your money at the end of the day.

As in terms of career wise I dont think a failed business is such a problem -
as long as you can sell it in a positive light. Career wise being an English
teacher is the bigger problem I think. Many People that I know from Asia -
foreigners and natives - look down on these so called "white monkey jobs".

Also its strange that you use "suicide" and "my actions to reflect badly on
other foreigners in Japan" in the same paragraph. If you are depressed you
shouldn't care how other foreigners look by your actions.

~~~
ownerthrowaway
I feel quite ashamed of being an English teacher too. Whenever I meet someone
at a party I always say I'm a software engineer, even though I know that's not
really true.

When I write my resume I just don't write the months on so it appears I was
working at the companies for 1 year instead of 2-6 months. That way I can
claim I wasn't an English teacher.

~~~
gidis_
Hey man, keep your head up. I understand how difficult it can be running a
business especially in a foreign country. A good way to keep your cashflow
positive is to get contracts and outsource them. You can email me if you need
a hand as I am also a software engineer, I could be of help.

------
leichtgewicht
Hello, I also had a company where I was in over my head, that stressed me
massively and I had to liquidate once. Before I happened to come to Osaka,
where I am for 8 years now with many ups and downs.

Oh, I also have an organization here, that I am not sure what to do about. But
in my case I learned from previous experience to stay cool about it and focus
on the tasks ahead.

What you experience here is the weight of your own expectations. A lot of work
has accumulated. You are here and you feel like it is not enough: you are not
enough. I would like you to know: you are enough. Your work is sufficient and
tomorrow will be another day to grow a little more.

As part of dealing with my deficits I help organize the local community here.
When I arrived I didn't notice that the isolation in Japan can quickly reach
dangerous levels and without social contact one can easily get sucked down a
vortex.

There are many people here trying to reach out to you. Count me in as one of
them. Next step is to open up - in person - to someone in a position to help
you. You might not think that this person exist (even with the offers here),
but I think you could be in for a positive surprise.

------
benguild
Hey, I’m in Japan as well and also started a company here before.

Message me, and let’s chat about your situation. I can share my thoughts and
buy you lunch somewhere sometime soon: hello@benguild.com

~~~
reustle
+1 for reaching out to Ben

He's actually one of the people I thought of while reading this post. We spent
a bunch of time together in Japan and elsewhere. Solid guy.

If OP is still in Japan in Autumn, I'll be around and happy to meet then too.

------
retrac98
Small software business owner/consultant here...

First, it sounds like you've got unsolved personal issues that are going to
prevent this from working. Taking good care of your mental health is key to
making any business work. Getting off the ground is a marathon, not a sprint,
and you need a certain amount of mental stability and long term thinking to
ride out the highs and lows that are part of the process.

Second, I'm not sure of your familiarity with Japanese culture or language,
but if Japan is quite foreign to you, I'd have thought that's making things
much harder.

Last, unless you can afford to and are willing lose all the money, don't mix
up your personal wealth in business ventures. It's much better to bootstrap
and be learn to be profitable right from the off with tiny amounts of money
than lose your life savings because you've no idea what you're doing. Keep
your money and the business' money separate and grow slowly.

------
pavlov
For anyone else contemplating starting a company: don’t do it until you
absolutely need it. You can look for customers and/or work on a software
product without being incorporated. Nobody will care whether you’re actually a
CEO in a company registry. When you’re ready to charge people and send
invoices — that’s the time to start a company.

At age 24 I made the mistake of thinking that having a company will magically
make my work more meaningful and make people take me more seriously. I didn’t
lose any substantial money, but it would have made sense to postpone actually
registering the business for maybe a year or so.

The scary part is not some paperwork — it’s finding those customers. Tackle
that first.

(Edit: this applies to solo founders only. If you’re co-founders, get your IP
and equity agreements formalized ASAP.)

------
duopixel
> how to avoid getting into scrapes like this in the future?

It seems that your intention was to use your investment as motivation to
further your career, i.e. "Once I own a company I will get awesome stuff
done".

I recognize the line of thinking (from being there!). It is not "hopelessly
naive" it's more of a bias, the other side of the sunken costs fallacy. "If I
invest in this I will find the motivation to perform". Same principle for
paying an annual lump sum to the gym and then never attending.

Though it seems the lesson is "never use fear of loss as a motivator", fear of
loss is simply a variable in a complex formula. You can't rely entirely on it
to get things done.

~~~
ownerthrowaway
I think you've hit the nail on the head here. I definitely think part of me
was thinking "I can't get motivated but once I start the company all of it
will fall into place."

~~~
masonicb00m
It can be helpful to find yourself a business partner. They provide a feeling
of obligation and camaraderie that helps you to get going and keep going
through the tough parts.

がんばってね！

------
anoncoward111
I wasnt going to reply until i saw that you were considering suicide.

You arent a failure, and we all enjoy having you on this earth. No matter what
you decide to do with your business, please consider staying here with us.

Go to the beach. Eat some good food. Take a hot shower and go on a date with
someone who is down to earth.

Even if everything all goes to shit and you are flat broke, you can still live
an awesome life, especially abroad.

You took some risks. Seek outside professional help and advice. Hire an
intern.

Good luck, i believe in you!

~~~
danyim
I know you’re trying to help, but I think saying empty, insincere platitudes
like “we all enjoy you here” doesn’t really help them or the situation. It
certainly didn’t help to hear that from strangers when I was in a similar
position.

~~~
grkvlt
Exactly, and saying things like "You arent a failure" to someone who has quite
obviously failed at their attempts to be a software engineer and business
owner is sending the wrong message. If somethings is going wrong with your
life, it's not helpful to ignore that and pretend everything is great. The
cognitive dissonance involved with that will put a huge strain on you, and
possibly make the problem worse.

From what the OP has said, it would seem that in their current state they are
not capable of working as a programmer right now. I would recommend getting
help for the depression and anxiety first, and then working on software
engineering skills until they are more confident and capable. The 50K USD
should allow them some leeway to do this without needing to find work
immediately, which will help.

Good luck.

~~~
brndn
Failing at something doesn't make a person a failure or else we would all be
failures. Do you really thing extra compassion towards a person contemplating
suicide is such a bad thing? Or is being 100% correct in your words more
important? I know we're on a message board, but OP is a real person with real
feelings in a pretty fragile state right now.

~~~
grkvlt
I could have been clearer, I suppose - of course I'm not saying that the OP
was a failure, but I _was_ saying that they failed at the things they
attempted, i.e. software engineering, and platitudes that gloss over this
aren't helpful, since the cognitive dissonance and load will often make the
mental issues worse.

------
saluki
First off get some help/guidance.

Call a suicide hotline, even one in the US if you are considering it.

The answer to this isn't suicide or fleeing the country.

Consider winding down the company and getting out the funds you can. Close it
properly to avoid any future tax issues.

Reach out to patio11 (Patrick McKenzie) he's born in the US lives in Japan.
He's commenting here. Try to connect with him privately.

He can probably help you get to an english speaking accountant.

Occupy your mind/time with positive things, exercise, communicate with friends
and family, see the sites locally. Do things you enjoy.

As far as staying in Japan, talk to patio11 about that.

Business/Job sounds like you want to have your own business. It's tough
staying motivated working for a company or having your own.

Get some advice on winding down your company, getting your money out of it and
staying in Japan. You'll feel better once those are sorted out.

Would it be possible for you to move back to the US close to friends and
family to reset and plan your next move?

It's hard creating your own company and it's hard wanting to create your own
company while you're working for someone else.

Check out Rob's stair step process on StartUpsForTheRestOfUs.com.

Rob's wife might be able to help you out too:
[https://zenfounder.com/consulting/one-on-one-
consulting/](https://zenfounder.com/consulting/one-on-one-consulting/)

Check out these:

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CDXJ6bMkMY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CDXJ6bMkMY)

[http://www.startupsfortherestofus.com/archives](http://www.startupsfortherestofus.com/archives)

I think patio11 should be your first go to on this. He should have lots of
relevant advice.

Good luck, take care of yourself.

------
codingdave
> I haven't really managed to do anything (the same problem I had when I was
> working for other companies).

I've seen this same pattern in the software industry repeat itself many times,
at all levels. People are not hitting the level of success they want, and
think that doing their own company will solve all the problems. But it
doesn't. As you have found, the reasons your career stagnates will normally
also cause struggles when you are the boss. Instead, I recommend that you
first learn to be productive in any environment, for any boss. Then you need
to start finding better bosses and environments. And finally decide if you,
personally, are the best boss for yourself. This is a process that take time,
effort, and lots of honest self-evaluation. But you'll be a more successful
and happier person for it.

I don't know your details, but it sounds like your next step on that path
would be to get somewhere that you are comfortable and happy outside of work,
so you have more energy to reflect on why you struggle at work. Find a
mentor/coach to help you figure out why you are not productive, and fix those
problems. Once those are fixed, you will have the chance to choose your next
move from a place of productivity and positivity, not desperation.

------
someperson
Sounds like you'll throw good money after bad for some time pursuing this
business when not even close to revenue.

Given your mental health issues, it may be best for you to pack up go
somewhere with more social support. That might mean staying in Japan but
working a regular job. Don't worry about your reflection on foreigners in
Japan. In fact, handling mental health issues responsibly is something that
Japan needs to do a lot more of.

$50k USD is not a lot of money. You can save that within a few years in many
countries.

The brightside is you haven't went into debt. That would make the situation
infinitely worse. Unfortunately, your runway has run out so you have to return
to a regular job like a regular person.

~~~
onion2k
_$50k USD is not a lot of money._

I think we've hit peak HN.

~~~
radicalbyte
..what a nostalgic user-id. Reminds me of the good old days on rllmuk..

~~~
exikyut
For anyone wondering:

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RLLMUK](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RLLMUK)

[https://www.rllmukforum.com/](https://www.rllmukforum.com/)

Seems to focus mostly on video games. Was started in 2003. Clearly has its own
unique culture.

------
olingern
There's a lot of good advice in this thread.

I'd +1:

\- Seeing a mental health professional. This has a stigma, but don't let it be
that. It's just a safe space for you to air thoughts and process them. It's
been invaluable to me. I've seen some recommendations for Tokyo Counseling [1]
and plan to visit them myself.

\- Grab a bilingual accountant / assistant. I only see a very small side of my
company's business, but ( from banking to general business customs ) things
are much different than anything I experienced in the US.

\- When you're ready -- I would sit down and look at your monthly spend and
realistically plan out the next x months. If possible, reach out to friends
and family to develop a fallback plan so that it relieves some pressure. Even
if your business doesn't pick up, you get to keep your experience and keep
moving forward with life.

>I haven't really managed to do anything (the same problem I had when I was
working for other companies)_

It sounds like you're either too tired or burnt out to actually put the energy
into what you want to do. I have most of my energy at the beginning of the
day. If I say, "I'll go work out" or "I'll skip studying X this morning and do
it tonight" it will never happen. So, maybe looking at your most productive
times of the day to see if you can put some more structure around getting
things going.

Best of luck

1 -
[http://tokyocounseling.com/english/counselor/](http://tokyocounseling.com/english/counselor/)

------
an_throwaway
See if you need to get treated for ADHD. I was in a similar situation as you,
and actually reaching out to a psychiatrist helped me immensely.

Years later I have a solid business, a work routine and can actually focus on
holding projects and things without having allergic reactions to run after the
next squirrel - and without abandoning something I have a sudden averse
reaction to.

~~~
an_throwaway
I want to just iterate that it's been far easier to treat this than I imagined
in the first place. I've been struggling with getting this kind of help for a
few years, knowing that I cannot fully concentrate - and doing far too much
online research instead of just moving my ass ( which is a common issue ).

The Psychiatrist at first thought it was due to a "lack of discipline" until I
explained to him that I locked myself in for 2-3 months to work on my own
projects, just to clean up the whole house and do everything else, instead of
the projects I wanted/needed to work on.

The only thing you need to research is which medicine you can be prescribed,
as some of them are not allowed in Japan. But enough foreigners went through
this process, so there should be a fair amount of online literature to guide
you through this
[https://www.reddit.com/r/japanlife/comments/3s86ur/psa_getti...](https://www.reddit.com/r/japanlife/comments/3s86ur/psa_getting_diagnosed_with_adhd_in_japan/)

Of course this is only in case you feel like you have these symptoms, and that
they've led you to where you are now. It's a common occurrence with
entrepreneurs.

------
sparkzilla
First of all you should contact TELL (Tokyo English Life Line) [1] for
support. Your mental health is much more important than anything else. Money
and jobs will come and go, but you need to take care of yourself first. TELL
can help you with counselling, or just as someone to talk to when you are
feeling down.

Japan can be very tough for founders (I founded and ran a business for 14
years there -- see bio). I was lucky that I had a co-founder, and I would urge
you to find someone with whom you can work with, to share the load, to cover
the tasks that you can't do, and to make the experience that much less lonely.

I wouldn't worry about what others might think of fleeing the country. Once
you are away from Japan, no-one will care but you. So again, you need to
ensure your own mental health whatever happens.

While I am no longer in Japan feel free to get me on Skype for a chat anytime
(ID:sparkzilla).

[1][https://telljp.com/](https://telljp.com/) Tel: 03-5774-0992

------
peterburkimsher
Moving (reboot) is better than suicide (shut down). There is always a reboot
option.

It doesn't reflect badly on other foreigners. Nobody remembers people after
they leave.

------
freetime2
I was in a similar situation many years ago teaching English in Japan. I
didn’t really enjoy teaching English, but transitioning into a programming
career just didn’t seem feasible at the time given where I was living (far
from Tokyo), my lack of Japanese language ability, and my lack of experience
as a programmer.

So I decided to leave and move to the Bay Area. I spent a decade there
building up work experience and saving money, until an opportunity came to
move back to Japan. It’s worked out well, I am financially independent with a
job that I mostly enjoy, and having moved away for so long and then returned I
am really confident now that this is where I want to be living.

I would suggest that you consider a similar path if possible. I personally
found it so much easier to develop my career in my home country, surrounded by
all the opportunities that SV offers programmers.

I can’t really comment on how best to go about filing all the necessary
paperwork for your business, but if possible I would recommend trying to do
things according to the letter of the law. As you’ve no doubt already learned
Japan can be fairly strict with regards to process and paperwork, and I would
hate for some misstep now to come back to bite you later e.g. when applying
for a visa. But this is of course all secondary to taking care of yourself
right now.

And that brings me to the suicide part. I’ve also been there at one point in
my life, suicidal and so depressed I could hardly get out of bed for months at
a time. I had this horrific tunnel vision, and the things that were stressing
me out at the time made me feel hopeless even though there were plenty of
opportunities to be happy staring me in the face every day. But gradually I
got better, learned to cope with my problems, and I honestly think those hard
times helped me to better understand myself, my limitations, and shaped me
into a person who is genuinely grateful for all of the amazing things that
have happened in my life since I failed at suicide.

It sounds like you’ve had a pretty serious setback - but it’s only temporary.
I hope you are able to get back on your feet again soon!

~~~
ownerthrowaway
I've thought about moving back to the UK to develop my career. The two things
that hold me back are the accrued residence time in Japan (I've been here 7
years, if I stay another 3 I can apply for permanent residency). I'm also not
convinced I would be able to hold down a programming job, given my past
performance. At least in Japan I can teach English part time and keep a roof
over my head. I've been doing a couple of evenings of evening classes for the
past 5 years and they give me some sort of financial safety net.

~~~
freetime2
I’m curious what your reason is for not wanting to make a career out of
teaching English. Is it unfulfilling? Stressful? Or does it not provide you
with a path to permanent residence?

The way you talk about it, it sounds like you’ve actually got a pretty good
thing going.

Your description above of your programming jobs on the other hand sounds
pretty miserable... to the point where maybe a career in programming just
isn’t for you. (Obviously I don’t know you well enough to say this with any
certainty. It could just be the circumstances of those particular jobs didn’t
work for you).

~~~
ownerthrowaway
In some ways I enjoy English teaching, but I don't think there is any career
progression. I don't think I could ever really get paid any more really than I
am now. I don't think I could ever really support a family etc.

~~~
freetime2
I know a few guys who have taught English now for 10+ years. They've got
families and houses and are able to get by alright. They are able to
supplement their income with side jobs (teaching private lessons, freelance
graphic design, translation work, etc), which is a form of career progression.
It's true you probably won't get rich teaching English, but it seems like it's
possible to enjoy a pretty decent standard of living in Japan on a modest
salary. And the fact that you were able to save 50k is proof of that. That's
more than lots of people are able to manage - probably enough for a down
payment on a house here, in fact.

I saw in a previous comment that you said you are ashamed of being an English
teacher. Don't be. You're performing a useful service that people are willing
to pay for with their time and money. That's something to be proud of and I
would even go so far as to argue that the benefits to society of teaching
English are a lot more tangible than a LOT of programming jobs.

Not really trying to steer you in any direction. As I mentioned above,
teaching English was not for me - I really hated work environment at the
company I was working for. And your concerns about career progression, salary,
and status are definitely valid. But on the other hand, I have seen that it's
a viable option if you choose to go down that route.

------
paulific
I don't know how much good advice I have, but I've been in a similar
situation, so I can at least offer sympathy. I spent three years building up
my translation work to get "self sponsorship" and then got dumped by the
agency that was sponsoring and providing the bulk of my work. Now I'm back
working in-house at a Japanese company. I don't regret having taken a shot at
self employment, even if it was a little over optimistic. And at least I know
what I was doing wrong. So I say just take it calmly and do what you have to
do to stay here and keep working and at the end of the day it's all still
forward progress.

------
yani
First, treat the depression, then you will be able to see yourself how to move
forward next. Starting a company to sustain yourself is not a bad idea. You,
however, need to find your place in the market. Keep pivotting until you find
what you like that is providing enough for your lifestyle.

In my experience, it takes 2 to 3 years for a new online business to start to
have stable income, you will get there, just never stop fighting and do not
give up. Find a partner to support you in life, find network circles for
friendship and business.

Being away from home is tough, we all been there. Making a step back is also
not something bad.

------
xevb3k
I wouldn’t worry about your actions reflecting badly on other foreigners. I
don’t think that’s really your responsibility.

As far as future advice goes, I think you likely invested too much money up
front. It sounds like you may be short on cash. I would have likely started
the company somewhere cheaper than Japan (or just not as a KK which is an
expensive option). For example, Estonia is pretty cheap (about 200USD, then
60USD a month for banking/accounting). I’d have found another way to keep your
Japanese VISA going. Either some kind of student visa (Japanese study) or
another option... Japan is much less strict than other countries and I know
people who have stayed (traveling outside the country every 6 to 9 months to
reset the visa) on short term visas for years.

As far as what to do now, it’s hard to offer good advice. You seem to have 3
options for the KK: keep it going, shut it down, or ignore it. If money is an
issue, I’d be tempted to do whatever is cheapest.

I would then probably keep at the English teaching until your situation has
stabilized if you can stand it.

After a while I’d slowly (and cheaply) try to bootstrap something, if that’s
what interests you.

~~~
brandelune
A KK in Japan is currently the least expensive option. Basically all you need
is to pay for the registration paperwork (about ¥300k) and what used to be a
minimum capital of ¥10 million has now no minimum.

There used to be Yugen (limited responsibility) with a minimum capital of ¥3
million but it disappeared with the new KK law.

That was about 12 years ago.

~~~
xevb3k
Depending on your VISA type you can also operate as a sole proprietor (kojin
jigyo) as I understand it. I think that’s cheaper and easier?

I’d still just be tempted to set something up in another country and operate
via that until things started to pan out.

------
Toine
My advice : abort everything. You seem to need mental support and that's ok,
everybody does at some point. Go back to a place where you feel secure and
have family/friends/anything that can help you. Throwing 50k USD into a
company that has no purpose is insane. Doing so after multiple years of being
unable to produce anything is beyond insane.

------
_5meq
It sounds like you have a dysfunction with decision making and productivity.
This is something you need to deal with.

It's OK! It happens to a lot of people. This is something you can study and
improve.

I highly recommend reading a few books on productivity and making good
decisions in order to correct your behavior.

My recommendations are:

\- Deep Work - Cal Newport

Will go into detail about how to learn new things and accomplish large
projects.

\- Smarter Faster Better - Charles Duhigg

Goes into the psychology of motivation, accomplishing large tasks, setting
goals, and making better decisions.

\- The Adventures of Johnny Bunko: The Last Career Guide You'll Ever Nee -
Daniel H. Pink

A cheesy and poorly drawn manga-style career guide with some surprisingly good
advice on career advancement and fulfillment. This one is a short read but I
can't help but think back on it and reflect on it's lessons from time to time.

------
avip
Do you have any less virtual forum to discuss this? Family? Friends? The
Internet is a terrible medium for dealing with emotional downtimes.

~~~
philbarr
Sometimes it can be better NOT to discuss with friends and family - they are
much more likely to tell you what they think you want to hear in order to
cheer you up.

------
aerovistae
Honestly really proud of HN right now. Skimmed this expecting to see a lot of
comments condemning and belittling this guy, and instead see a lot of support.
Hopefully not just because the bad comments got deleted. Rare moment for the
internet.

------
santoshalper
There's lots of great advice in this thread, but much of it is not direct
enough for someone suffering from depression and anxiety, which you obviously
are. I have struggled with it on-and-off my entire adult life. What you need
right now are clear simple marching orders that you can follow.

1\. You are in no position to run a business right now, and in no position to
live alone in a foreign country without extensive support from family and
loved ones.

2\. How your actions will reflect on other foreigners is totally irrelevant to
your situation. Your fixation with this is a symptom of anxiety. Right now you
believe you are be watched and judged. In reality, one week after you leave
nobody there will remember you or care. You are free.

3\. Tell your accountant to wind down your business immediately. Do not
equivocate or listen to arguments from him. If you need help, someone on this
thread who is familiar with Japanese language and customs will surely advocate
on your behalf.

3\. Find friends, relatives, or loved-ones that you can lean on for support
and GO HOME now. You can always come back when you are better. This is not a
permanent decision, you are just getting back on your feet.

4\. Get professional help as soon as you get back. When evaluating who to stay
with, ask yourself this "will they make me seek help and hold me accountable
to keep getting help" That's the friend/family member you need right now.

Once your steady and on your feet again. You can start to re-build your life.

Good luck and godspeed. Not many people know what you're up against, but I do.
You can do this.

------
csomar
I'd go the opposite way: Stop the company right now. Focus on teaching
English. Maybe create English-Teaching-Products. You have succeeded on
something. You have to understand that this is not easy and does not always
come to your "hands".

If you like programming, do it on the side. You can make a lot teaching stuff.

Are you in Tokyo? I don't know the city but I know that big cities make you
lose your identity of "self". If you are in a small neighbourhood move to a
big unidentified one where you can lose your "self-identity" awareness. It'll
help remove the social pressure. You won't think about "people" or what you
should do. It helps to focus on what really matters.

Don't seek a medical professional. There are three reasons for suicide: 1. you
are mentally crazy (you are not obviously), 2. You are socially challenged and
3. long term injury pain (I don't think this applies?)

I think it is 2. So if it is, just move to a big city/compound or leave Tokyo.
That should be your priority at the moment. From my experience, I'd advise
_strongly_ against seeking a "medical professional".

------
igolden
A lot of people have offered great advice, so I'll keep my comment short.

You are not your company, your company is not you. Believe it or not, most (as
in 99%) of businesses fail eventually. By trying your hardest you've gained an
experience that will hopefully stay with you your entire lifetime. If/when you
choose to start a second company, you'll have an entirely new respect for the
process and have much higher chance of success.

I've been there myself. Financial/business stress is incredibly toxic, but
remember that your bank account is not you. You are not your financial
mistakes. These are just 'things' dictating areas of your life at the moment.
You will get through this.

Listen to some of these suggestions, as I imagine most of the people who felt
compelled to reach out see themselves in this post, like I did.

The only technical advice I'd like to suggest is creating structure for your
day and ruthlessly sticking to it. When I was closing down my first business -
that's what I had to do. I had to lock down all my hours in a day and focus on
moving in the right direction.

Good luck to you. And remember - this business isn't your identity. It's just
a piece of context.

------
toomanybeersies
> I have honestly thought about suicide, or just fleeing the country

I'd suggest fleeing the country of those two options.

Seriously though, there's no shame in acknowledging there's nothing for you in
Japan and heading home.

I recently moved to a new country and that's literally my backup plan. As
shitty as it may sound, if everything goes south, I'm just going to get on a
plane and go home and start from square one again. Sometimes that's the best
option.

------
conductr
> I haven't really managed to do anything (the same problem I had when I was
> working for other companies) > I haven't managed to release any software or
> do any consulting

First, don't seriously think of suicide helping anything. You leave a wake.
Second, based on what I quoted above, I'm wondering.. Why? Why have you done
anything? Are you preoccupied? (Relationship, socially, etc). Do you have
ADHD? If it's something that can be fixed/treated then focus on that. If it's
just a reality, find ways to work around it or consider other options.

I must say, this sounds incredibly familiar and the way I've always seen it
played out is the person realized that "knowledge work" just wasn't for them.
For some reason, some people aren't wired to sit at a computer and crank out
work. Their minds wonder, productivity falls, depression sets in, they feel
like a cubically caged animal, etc. I know people that drop out of college, or
don't mesh with the post college corporate world, and albeit a few years later
they have pivoted to start a commercial/residential service business.
Landscaper, plumbing, HVAC, etc. These all can pay well (in the US) and are
entrepreneurial if that's what you're after. Not saying this is right for you
- just examples I have seen other people go through.

So, my recommendation is you do some soul searching. If you're not writing
code, and have a history of being unproductive at that, don't
start/build/focus on a software consulting company. It will fail or make you
incredibly unhappy. It sounds like both are happening right now. Also, maybe
talk with a life coach. I think you need to explore some options and be
realistic with yourself, they can help you with this.

Best of luck.

------
eps
You need to find someone to handle accounting/tax filings for you. This is
exceedingly common, especially for smaller and one-person companies. You
outsource all administrative work. It's also usually possible to find expats
that speak your language and that charge _very_ reasonable money for this.

This should take care of freeing up your time for actual work, but it's up to
you to fight your procrastination.

------
throwaway4172
I suggest you contact the LDS missionaries in Japan. Almost all of them are
English speakers. They can connect you to service-minded locals who understand
Japan and westerners very well. They can help you arrange counseling. If you
wish to keep it secular, just say so and they will honor it. Same goes for
confidentiality.

Go to Mormon.org/missionaries or call 877-537-0003.

------
jmadsen
Which part of Japan are you in? There are two very active Slack communities
(Tokyo & Kansai) that can help you even if you can't do face to face with
anyone ([http://hnkansai.slack.com](http://hnkansai.slack.com) is use; can't
recall Tokyo's off the top of my head, but sure someone will supply it)

I think you would benefit greatly by finding a partner of some sort. A
business partner might be good down the road, but for now just a
"mentor/stick-shaker" type to keep you motivated and on track with things. It
can be very, very hard to do what you are alone.

You sound like getting work & getting things set up is not an issue, just
keeping them going. Come join us and find someone to just check your progress
each week to get you out of the rut. Little weekly progress checks may sound
corny, but if you're a one-person show they can make all the difference

------
Trundle
Hi

Paperwork and forms are 0% of what you should be doing. That's just basic
accounting stuff that should be generic and cheap for them to handle if you're
just one guy doing consulting. It shouldn't take up any of your energy or be a
cognitive burden.

It's hard to say what you should be doing because it's hard to get a read of
what you have been doing to begin with. Which may actually be because you
weren't doing anything? Like have you just been sitting around in an office
trying to deal with minor bureaucratic issues like forms all day every day?
Where did the $50k go?

A company is just a way to describe a legal entity that you create to do money
making activities within. What money making activities did you start out
planning to do? How did you plan to get people to pay you for them? Which
actions have you taken to get people to pay you for them? Which aspect of that
do you think is holding you up.

It's very concerning that you don't speak at all about things like "I keep
adding features instead of just releasing" with regard to a software product
you had decided to make or "I get meetings but never any interest once they
find out about my rates" on pursuing consulting contracts. Instead choosing to
talk about forms.

I highly recommend just getting a junior developer position somewhere. You'll
be alright. No reason to kill yourself even if financial failure was a reason
to kill yourself. Programming is an in demand profession and having that skill
puts you ahead of a lot of people who may have more money in the bank, but far
less earning potential.

If you struggle with making yourself actually do work when left to your own
discretion, so you can teach a class fine but put in front of a code terminal
find yourself day dreaming or whatever, look in to an ADHD diagnosis as well
as productivity methods based around lists. I have to plan my day out with ver
detailed todo/checklists otherwise I sit around doing fuck all.

------
ghostbrainalpha
I'm not going to give advice, because I feel like we think the same. I can
very easily imagine being in your situation.

It sounds crazy to people who think you are considering suicide because
paperwork is too difficult.

But really its that you are getting stuck, confused, and not able to get
control of your life or make an impact where you work. You feel like things
that should be easy are blocking you. You would like to be a master at your
craft but your worried you will never contribute anything of value.

Just realize that these are very common things that many people feel. I had
never even heard of "impostor syndrome" before I began programming. And you
might not see the path right now, but you are not far from finding a different
world where you make it through those obstacles. And in time you may become an
expert at whatever field you choose.

------
pvaldes
Suicide does not solve anything and is a stupid move. Your own life is more
valuable than the life of your company. Kill the company and move on.

> I don't want my actions to reflect badly on other foreigners in Japan

This is a false problem. First of all, you are not responsible for the
behaviour of all the other people in Japan. Second, foreigners had done much
worst things in Japan than you. The bar is pretty high. If japanese can
forgive Hiroshima, they can and will forgive your sins.

If you have paperwork to fill and do not understand it, you need either a
consultor, a lawyer or talk with the government. You are losing money, and
earning money is the purpose of having a company, so maybe your company must
die. I bet that there are legal ways to close down a company in Japan. Ask for
the Japanese equivalent to bankrupt (破産した).

------
todd8
My recommendations, for what they are work, are based on what worked for me.
Learn programming and CS. Work for a large, well run, company as a developer
for a few years--you will learn a lot about software development at scale;
Next, support yourself doing consulting in a field you are interested in--you
will learn a lot about what clients want. Finally, start a company to address
the needs using the insights you've gained.

From where you are right now, it may not be easy to follow this advice.
Perhaps you are ready to jump in at the consulting stage. Would it be easier
in the U.S. (that is if you are a U.S. citizen)?

------
wiqo0s
You need a local Japanese business partner to make this work. Otherwise, stop
now or go home. What type of legal entity did you open? Can you actually work
for your company? Do you have the proper visa? Please provide your contact
information for us to reach out. Would be happy to talk. I own a US C-Corp
with a subsidiary in SE Asia. It only works because I have a local partner
that I've known for 5 years that I trust.

~~~
titanix2
> What type of legal entity did you open?

It's written in the post: a kabushiki-gaisha.

------
sparkzilla
Hi, I don't know if you are still reading these comments, but I wonder if your
situation had improved, or if you were able to find help or support. I am
happy to help out, as I'm sure many others are, if you need someone to talk
to.

------
_mrmnmly
Maybe try to write to this guy:
[https://www.youtube.com/user/wybuchajacebeczki/about](https://www.youtube.com/user/wybuchajacebeczki/about)
He's pretty famous Polish Youtuber/entrepreneur/Video maker who has companies
in Poland & Japan - maybe he will be able/willing to help you.

------
stoeckley
I normally just lurk here on HN but your post hits a lot of empathy from me,
so I've logged in finally to share my thoughts.

Businesses come and go and they are not more important than your life. And
money is not more important than your life.

First, you should congratulate yourself on taking such an impressive personal
risk by moving to a vibrant, different place -- you sound like a very
interesting person. Be glad that you are experimenting in life because that's
all we really get during our time here -- a chance to try new things. Many
people never find the courage to do that, and those who do quickly learn what
you have learned, that experiences are unpredictable when you stray from the
norm. This is a good thing and it means you are putting yourself out there in
the universe to see what is on offer. Now it's time to deal with the next
step.

I feel your pain. I know exactly what it is like to feel backed into a corner
when the short-term view is a combination of stressful and terrifying.

But it's only the short-term view. When I look back on those moments in my own
past, the details are long forgotten, the misery is remembered and I remain
glad it is in the past.

Wise man once said: This too, shall pass. And it will. I promise you that. Get
through the darkness, there is light on the other side -- guaranteed.

What you need to do is minimize the stress in your life and take
responsibilities off your plate -- starting with the business, the work, the
overall lifestyle, all of it needs to be reduced or minimized or removed
entirely for awhile.

Put yourself in a position where you can do nearly nothing for awhile, except
reflect, get some positive interactions with whoever you are close to in your
life, whether it is friends or family (or no one, if you are truly comfortable
being alone), and don't ask anything of yourself except to take a life pause
with no other demands.

During that downtime, give yourself permission to do nothing, to explore your
creativity and interests with no pressure to make anything come from them. In
the absence of pressure, life has a way of illuminating the real goals.

Japan is always going to be there. You will enjoy it more and perhaps even
prosper well if you first learn to relax and enjoy life again without so much
pressure.

It's fine if you end up losing a little money to close the business, and maybe
even leave Japan for awhile. It can be very stressful to live abroad, and
Japan is arguably one of the most challenging because of how different the
culture is (assuming you are coming from somewhere in the West).

I have lived all over the world and done so without much money, and it has not
always been easy. Feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to.

------
euske
Did you contact a support group like TELL Japan? I don't know exactly what you
want, but you should talk to someone. Look for some meetups. I don't know
anything about running business either, but people say the networking is
always the key.

[https://telljp.com/](https://telljp.com/)

~~~
titanix2
Better call a Western support line than a Japanese one, especially for a
foreigner. I know someone (Japanese) who used such a service recently and
their mental state was worse after speaking with the volunteer.

~~~
euske
In case you haven't taken a look at the site, this is a service for foreigners
who live in Japan.

------
bobx11
Please don’t take your life.

There was a thread recently about someone having lost the passion for
programming and the top comment was about how they went on a journey of self
discovery with a counselor and realized their personal identity was personally
defined by their job instead of all the other things they do.

------
nurettin
You have no obligation to make anyone look good. Just find your reset button
and press it very hard.

------
paulcole
> But I want to do the right thing, I don't want my actions to reflect badly
> on other foreigners in Japan.

In this situation where your health and quality of life are suffering, the
right thing is what is best for you NOT what is best for others.

------
franciscop
Hey I'm in Tokyo, feel free to reach out (email on my website, in my profile).
I can just talk about tech, career advance, etc. in an informal way but
sometimes you just need to talk to someone to realize yourself where you are
at the moment.

------
coldtea
> _What is my next step? I have honestly thought about suicide_

Because you lost 50k? Who cares. Even if it was all your life's sayings, at
best you'll need to work some more. You can always shut the company down if
it's not profitable.

------
sgdesign
If you need more people to talk to you can also join our Hacker News Kansai
Slack channel: [https://hnkansai-slack.now.sh/](https://hnkansai-
slack.now.sh/)

Lots of entrepreneurs and developers in there :)

------
mproud
Do you follow any Gaijin programmers or entrepreneurs who live in Japan?

You should try contacting the guy at Kalzumeus Software
([https://www.kalzumeus.com](https://www.kalzumeus.com)).

------
guytv
Please call: 03 5774 0992. Its a hotline that can offer some relief.

------
gaspoweredcat
what is the focus of your business?

~~~
giancarlostoro
This is one of the more important questions. You need a vision for your
company aside from "be my own boss" something to build or look forward to. Are
you wanting to do consulting or do software contracts? Or some sort of product
/ type of products maybe?

------
Bakary
There's something oddly uplifting about all the responses in this thread put
together that I haven't experienced in a long time.

------
adamgoodapp
Maybe try running the company with a partner if possible. Can help you share
the burden and have some one to go through the experience together.

------
around_here
Mate, there are things you can do. Hop on the Tokyo slack, come have a chat in
the #advice channel.

------
vnjp
i am foreigner started a small company in Tokyo in 2014. i dont have many
papers to fill in except annual tax report. what kind of papers do you need to
submit?

------
gnadx
You can get through this. please do not do anything drastic. :(

------
mandeepj
Startups are hard. Just one roadblock or failure at first attempt and you are
thinking about suicide. What happened to - never giving up, or picking
yourself up from a failure and starting again

------
RobertRoberts
My business advice is to get help, which it seems like you are starting by
asking here. Good job. But sometimes what you really need is to heed good
advice that you don't like.

I hate paperwork, but I have people who are rockstars with it, so they do
that. I am primarily the innovator, sales and programmer. I like design and
many things, but I realize when others can do a better job, faster and cheaper
than I can, and I take advantage of that.

But when I was starting out, I only had myself, and I had to do _everything_.
This included all the paperwork. It sounds like you primarily have a
motivation issue, look into sources for helping with this. I listened to the
audiobook version of Solving the Procrastination Puzzle [0], there are at
least a few brilliant ideas in there that will help anyone. I am a workalohic
in some ways, but I feel perpetually lazy and behind, yet run my own business
and spend more time working that most. Go figure, yet I still hit
procrastination walls on some topics, like paperwork or billing, etc...

The reality may be that you made a huge mistake, and just need to own up to
it, and get as much money back out of this venture as you can. But if you want
to own up to current and past failings and make a go of it, keep trying.

But, I have to say that the reason my business worked is because I simply
wasn't going to do anything else. Period. You couldn't force a normal job into
my hands, when I wasn't working for clients, I worked for myself. I have
short, medium and long term plans and I stuck on a drive to do them all. If
you simply don't have this, or if you try to create this drive and fail to do
so, it's better to close up shop and find the thing you can do.

Having 50k in the bank is pretty damn cool, you have some skills at managing
money to get that far. You may want to reassess your primary abilities and
refocus to something you are actually good at. Right now, making software
doesn't seem to be it. Or maybe it's the software you are focused (or not
focused on, har) that you need to reevaluate. Maybe there's a project that
isn't as financially viable, but you would actually finish it.

Last word of wisdom, decent software that is finished and working is worth
more than perfect software left undone.

I hope you figure out your problem. I have a brother in Japan teaching
English, I know there's not a ton of money in it, but he is happy and
satisfied with his life. Being happy/satisfied may is perhaps more important
to consider...

[0] [https://www.amazon.com/Solving-Procrastination-Puzzle-
Concis...](https://www.amazon.com/Solving-Procrastination-Puzzle-Concise-
Strategies/dp/0399168125)

------
whiddershins
Man, I've been there.

It seems your fundamental challenge is you aren't getting things done. If you
can't accomplish things, this indicates you are missing critical, learnable
skills that can change your life for the better.

Don't worry so much about the immediate details of your situation and take
steps to address your ability to accomplish what you set out to do.

Perhaps you have untreated ADHD or mild depression. Perhaps you don't actually
enjoy coding, but just think you do.

Or if not, very likely you have counterproductive habits, which will take time
to change but luckily there are fantastic resources out there.

I would recommend you read all of these:

How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big - Scott Adams

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Steven Covey

12 Rules For Life - Jordan Peterson

The War Of Art - Steven Pressfield

So Good They Can't Ignore You - Cal Newport

and if those don't help, you might have ADHD:

Driven to Distraction - Edward M. Hallowell

Meanwhile, make as much human connection as feasible, so you remember there's
more to life than your career.

Changing how you operate to be more effective and aligned with your goals
isn't an overnight project, but it is totally possible and you will get there.

\-- edited for grammar and formatting

------
grillvogel
>I don't want my actions to reflect badly on other foreigners in Japan.

too late

------
throw121246234
Alright, let's get this started. I recognize myself in your words, and I guess
that's why I am about to spent one hour writing this.

If I use a lot of "I", it's mostly so you can understand that you are not
alone.

What you have is called depression, it paints everything black, and everything
includes the good things. I have had tough shit in the last years, it's hard
to tell what brought me down, but here I am, here I were. I am a considerably
better those days.

Depression dude... You know you should talk, but you can't talk. You know you
should go out but you can't go out. You know you should ... but you can't. A
friend once told me "I won't tell you to have a nice day, I know it won't be
nice, I will just tell you to have a day". There were days where I stayed in
bed, all day, once I spent more than 30 hours in my bed in a row, without any
other sickness, dragging myself every six hours or so to the bathroom, I
wasn't even sleeping.

The thing is that you can't pinpoint any exact problem, everything is a
problem. It bangs in your head "I have never achieved anything, I am a fraud,
nobody loves me, why does it matter". I am a pretty enthusiastic philosopher
and ... trust me... focusing on the lack of sense of life really adds more to
this.

We are actually in the perfect industry to have those doubt... I mean I go to
conferences where I see people having anxiety attacks for they are not
transpiling from the last version of their shitty scripting language #joke.
But more seriously, entrepreneurship, software, all this "positive thinking"
and "we will change the world", it's the Instagram of professional life.
Everybody pretends so hard to be hype but a lot of people are feeling lagging
behind.

I won't go in length about the suicide ideas, because I don't want to inspire
this. Some ideas come one day in your mind, and they can stay hidden in the
back for long. Let's say I had them.

I am better now, not perfect but better. I still have this thoughts, I still
have bad days. But when days are bad, I try to just "have a day". I am
fascinated by how much things can look totally different between the good and
the bad days. The bad days, I could quit my startup, tell my partner and
employees to go fuck themselves. The good days, are good, I guess I can
appreciate them more after this, they got some extra flavour. I can be a nice
person to work, or live with.

It's hard to talk. Even when I am able to tell someone "this day sucks" or "I
am heavily depressed", I can't tell why, I don't know. Some people are really
uncomfortable when you almost cry for no reason in front them. I don't really
blame them, or their poor comments, they try, some are afraid that's ok.

"That's ok", that's valid thing from them and for me. It's a good mantra. We
usually slam more shit over the shit, and we bang our heads against the wall
"Why am I like that?"... Leave it be! you are already feeling like shit, let
yourself some air.

And I guess you wrote this post in a "down". The few words that helped for me
were "that's ok" because all the rest seemed impossible.

I have been very bad for months, there were one or two days in the week where
it was bearable / I was feeling good. Just hiding it from coworkers was a
challenge, working from home helped to hide it, but not to get better.

There are a few things I can recommend because that worked for me, but it's
easier to work on them on the good days.

1\. Stop blaming yourself. Really, you are ok, but I will extend on that
later. When you feel not able to do anything, just don't do anything. You will
survive. You feel time craving, do a list, pick one and only one thing to do.
Related cool music that inspired me
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOS00ttAblQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOS00ttAblQ)
2\. Meditation. It feels like the magic hippie trick, I tried a few times
without effect. I paid a subscription in an app to motivate myself. I was like
"this helps some people I need to try more, because everything else failed". I
took me two weeks of practice, everyday, to feel undeniable benefits. I am
kind of addicted to it, when I stop I go down in three days. But that's not an
addiction that kill you, if twenty minutes of my day is the price, I will
gratefully pay it. If I am correct the founder of Headspace started the
project after a burnout. This simple information gave me a lot of hope at that
time. 3\. See someone. I was (and still am) seeing a shrink during that time,
he helped a lot. Less than meditation but a lot. Maybe consider medication, I
always refused to try but some friends reported heavy benefits, others
reported addiction. 4\. Let people come close. It's time to reconnect with
family, or friends. Or maybe, when you feel like it go to meetups. Don't let
the sad version of you, cut the happy version of you from the rest of the
world. For example, when I was working as an indep, I asked to an old relative
to call me every morning, she was happy to do so and it forced me to drag out
of bed and interact a bit. 5\. When you start to discuss with people you
realise that you are not alone. And indeed you are not. A lot of people are
experiencing what you experience, I am sorry for our big human civilization,
but that is not a problem we seem to fix very efficiently. Knowing I was not
alone, did not fix the problem, but made me think that if some survive, I
should eventually to. When I opened to people, a lot came with their own
story, and a lot are better today. It does get better. For some it last
months, for others it last years, ... but it's feasible to go out. 6\. Make
the most of the good days. You think about something nice you should do? You
feel the energy to do it? Then do it! Now! 7\. Start to note the good moments,
note what makes you happy. I know that going out helps a lot, nature, sport,
... so I try to practice those more.

End of the depression thingy. But I think this is the first and one thing, you
should work on.

\---

The rest doesn't matter much, because you need to work on the above before
anything.

\---

I don't know if you are working or studying in Japan... It's a bit confusing.
If you are starting your career, take some time to grow, to find your rythm or
a place that fits. If you are not there is always the opportunity to do the
exact same thing. Questioning yourself is a proof of maturity, just accept
those little pieces of doubt. Maybe you could find a mentor to help you get
better. You can be a better professional.

Anyway know that it is hard to ship, very few people manage to do it by
themselves.

\---

You have invested 50k to achieve your dream, "all your savings" ... You have a
pair of balls that many people would love to have. You say it yourself, some
of this money is recoverable, so you just paid a bit to stay in Japan, which
seems like a dream to you.

The money problem are easy to work on, at least partially. I don't know your
precise situation but a lot of things can be reduced, in your personal
lifestyle or in the company. Just go to the bare minimum... It's often easier
than you think.

If you fear about going broke, think about it. You may have family or friends,
you know some people will always be there. It may not be what you expected,
but if (and I am not sure it's an option) the worst case is to go back to your
parents ... so be it.

\---

It is just a symptom of this depression but let me get on a specific point.
You are labeling yourself as a "fake programmer" and "hiding english teacher".
Maybe it's hard to keep a job as a foreigner, maybe it does take some skills
to teach english, maybe you are just doing you best to settle here, but you
choose to take shame of this situation.

If you are a fraud on one thing it is the following: you are not the asshole
you pretend to be. You think that your problems are coming from you, you try
to improve. You care about what how your behavior could impact other
foreigners... Look at you.

Look at myself in the mirror and say "thank you" to the person you see.

\---

I have written in the past paragraphs all the things that I would have hated
to read... It seems so easy. It is not. But those are things to think about.
We are often the one person creating our own problems.

PS: if you need to have a call with someone, I can offer a talk, just comment
back we will find a way.

------
timwaagh
why do this? a girl? also begs the question on how you did get that kind of
money. i could help a little on the programming stuff if thats needed.

~~~
coldtea
> _also begs the question on how you did get that kind of money_

As if 50K is too much money to be able to have?

~~~
timwaagh
i did not mean to imply that.

------
davidgrenier
While in Japan, I'd suggest finding some friend you can watch a specific anime
with: Trigun.

You'll learn something important: Your ticket to the future is ALWAYS open.

