

Show HN: Chapter 1 of a Sci-Fi Novel I am writing - zitterbewegung
http://levyflight.tumblr.com/post/29667192824/chapter-1-of-128-of-pseudoutopia

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Udo
I've subscribed to the feed, curious how it will develop.

I believe there are two things that could be improved. First, spelling and
grammar. I know it's superficial, but as a reader I always get the feeling an
author doesn't value my time when they don't proof read their stuff.

The other thing that bothered me is the usage of cultural references, in this
case Star Trek. It's a little patronizing to the reader and it's also
superfluous to describe the renderer in this way. Just tell us what it does.
You might even be better off leaving out certain specifics in science fiction,
your stories will have a _much_ longer shelf life that way.

That being said: keep on writing!

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zitterbewegung
I took your suggestions and fixed those points.

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geon
I feel like there could be a really interesting story behind this. You mention
interesting concepts like interplanetary colonization, destruction of the
Earth ecology, fascist government and extreme reduction in population.

But the languag is difficult to read. There are lots of missing commas and bad
grammar, making it difficult to parse some of the sentences. I get the feeling
you are not writing idiomatic english, but translate more or less word-by-word
from another language.

I suppose writing skills comes from practice, so don't give up. Write down
your story and go back to refine the language later.

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zitterbewegung
Well, this is pretty preliminary. I will make the commas and grammar
corrections. Thanks for the input.

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davewasthere
Musings of an artist trying to to computer science?

I think you accidentally a word.

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jewbacca
I feel like this is sw007, just baiting us.

