

Ask HN: opinion on the landing page of my startup - needleme

Hello,<p>it&#x27;s still in a test page<p>http:&#x2F;&#x2F;test.bluetouchdev.com&#x2F;<p>We&#x27;re about to officially launch the app at the end of June, with press release, video and everything - we&#x27;re actually already in the App Store, without any kind of promotion, pretty good results -<p>I&#x27;d love some honest opinions about the contents (correct grammar? I&#x27;m Italian!) and the general ideas and copywriting.<p>For example:<p>- the Advertising, is it good to &quot;promote&quot; it even if we still haven&#x27;t really started to work on it? Just planned how it will work.<p>- ask for a donation is a good thing? we don&#x27;t have any external funds, and for now we don&#x27;t have any revenue to pay servers and extras (we planned how to get revenue, but we need some months before launching the new features)<p>Best,
Filippo<p>the contact form is not working at the moment.
======
ColinWright
Clickety click ...
[http://test.bluetouchdev.com/](http://test.bluetouchdev.com/)

Personally, and I'm just speaking for myself, and I'm a curmudgeonly old man,
I _hate_ these swish, slick, things sliding in from here, there and
everywhere, type of web pages.

Give me something to see, something to read, something to understand what you
do, and a clear call for action in the case I'm your audience. This takes for
_ever_ to get to the point, and I'm still not sure I understand what you do.

I'm probably not in your demographic, but if I can't see on the first page
something, anything, to engage me, I'm out.

Pretty sure I'm not the only one. It's an impatient audience you have, and
without a clear something on the first view, you've lost them.

It's gorgeous, though. Is that all you want?

 _Added in edit: In fact, pretty much everything I said in an earlier
comment[0] applies to this too._

[0]
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7839799](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7839799)

~~~
needleme
Hello Colin,

thanks for the honest feedback. Well, about the swish and slide, yea It's true
that is more of a fancy thing than the real utility, totally agree but no, is
not that all I want.

Interesting point the call to action and something to engage. I thought that
the video could work, but looks like is not. Maybe I can modify the first
"page" in:

We love vinyl records Join us and start sharing your collection.

True as well that is not clear what Needle is, a social network. Is not
mentioned, I need to clarify this as well.

We got and endless to do list on server and app, and I'm totally into the
project since long time so I guess I'm loosing my focus from the users view.

~~~
ColinWright
Have something to lead the reader through ...

    
    
        Love Vinyl?
    
            Share your collection ...
    
                Find new possibilities ...
    
                    Connect with other vinyl lovers ...
    

... then draw them onwards. You need to be like a Dan Brown novel, short
chapters that always finish on a cliff-hanger, leaving the reader wanting to
read on, unwilling to stop, wondering what happens next.

Remember, these are just my thoughts, and I'm probably not in your
demographic. Take the comments and try to see it from the view of a potential
user who has no idea what you do. That's hard.

~~~
needleme
Hello Colin, I updated the website, followed some of your suggestion. Thanks!

[http://test.bluetouchdev.com/](http://test.bluetouchdev.com/)

~~~
ColinWright
That's clearer - yes. It's not obvious that you can scroll, and the colors
feel a bit, well, wishy-washy - flat and insipid. Some people prefer that, but
I like something crisper.

The text "The social network for vinyl records lovers." gives an immediate
sense of what it's about, but I'd like to see it take a more prominent role -
it gets a little lost in the color scheme.

But I think it's a real improvement. Do _you_ think it's better? Given the
questions I was asking initially, do you think it now better meets the goals
of a landing page? Does it need to have the words "Share", "Discover",
"Uncover", "Surprise", "Adventure", or something else to create curiosity?

Those are random thoughts - I haven't time for more. Good luck.

~~~
needleme
Hello Colin, yes I definately think that now is better! Thanks for your
suggestions

------
daveymontooth
There are some good points made here.

I would change the opening headline into a benefit to the immediate benefit
for the reader. Something along the lines of:

"Share your vinyl collection with the world and discover theirs"

Then add a subtle pitch about Needle:

"If you love vinyl, you'll love Needle"

After that, I would offer the call to action. Your current call to action
needs some attention.

You have 2 buttons next to each other that are the same size. Both are ghost
buttons. Both are asking the reader to take two different paths.

What do you want the user to do most?

I'm assuming you want them to download the app from the App Store. Make that
button the biggest. Make it a solid color that pops out from the background. I
would test both an Orange button and a Green button to see which gets the most
clicks.

I would add the "Available on the App Store" to your Download button to add
that immediate sense of security that this is a real verified app backed by
Apple. Even though it isn't, people get that impression and it helps to have
it front and center with the action you want them to take.

I would change the "Watch the Video" button to a text link under the download
button. That will be the indicator to let the visitor know that they can
scroll down to see more. Add a downward arrow icon under it and you create a
path to continue moving down for more information. Repeat that arrow
throughout the page to create motion.

Back to the headline, I would remove the large logo and put your headline
there. You have branding in the upper left corner. There's really no need to
repeat it, especially in that most important real estate.

Regarding the content, it could use a proof-read. I don't mean any offense but
it reads like English may not be your first language.

There are grammar issues here and there that could be cleaned up, for example:

"we got lot of ideas" should be "we have a lot of ideas" or "we've got a lot
of ideas".

I would move the Record Labels and Advertise to separate landing pages devoted
to those features. This landing page should be about downloading the app and
becoming part of a worldwide vinyl loving community.

If I were a vinyl enthusiast, I wouldn't care about the record label part.

Though it isn't necessary, I would add in some imagery or icons to the
content. It's pretty text heavy (even though the textual content is minimal).

For example, putting the "Share", "Dig", "Stream" content blocks next to each
other with some nice related icons above the respective content would reader
really well, catch people's attention and visually shorten that content
section.

I like that you used some language that is familiar to vinyl lovers. "Dig
through thousands of vinyl records..." captures a real emotion for vinyl
enthusiasts. Now if you had a nice illustration that helped bring it home, it
would work well.

Last thing I would do is tweak the black and white background with the record.
It doesn't have enough contrast with the white text over it and you have to
scroll up and down to read the content sometimes as the white text blends in
with the white of the image.

Overall, it is a nice design. It has a hip feel to it in that it uses some
current trends.

Good Luck with the app.

------
barryhand
There are two conflicting call to actions on top of each other (app store &
scroll)

You don't have to have lots of scroll to communicate your message.

See these examples for inspiration:

\- [https://www.chownow.com](https://www.chownow.com)

\- [http://theweathertron.com](http://theweathertron.com)

\- [http://human.co](http://human.co)

\- [http://www.everest.com](http://www.everest.com)

~~~
needleme
Thanks for the inspirations!

Here's the new version -
[http://test.bluetouchdev.com/](http://test.bluetouchdev.com/)

Feedback is appreciated again

------
dopplesoldner
Hi Filippo

Following up from from ColinWright's comment, I'd also have liked a short
"About" section which can describe in a couple of lines what the app does and
how it helps users.

The design is nice but emphasize the content and you will be good.

~~~
needleme
Thanks! good idea the About section

