
Ask HN: What would you tell your 20 something years old self? - meta_pseudo
People who are more than 30 years old, what advice would you give your 20+ years old self?<p>Take that challenging job, get higher degree, start something of your own when you still have time and energy?<p>I am trying to make very important decision and need perspective from people who have been in the game many years more than me. Thanks!
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veidr
First: Learn the essentials of personal finance: savings, taxes, credit.

You already know _how_ to calculate how much your credit-card-augmented
lifestyle is costing you, but you _don 't_ — why? Why on earth are you going
to take out a loan on a new car next month when you could just buy a used Audi
for cash?

Go smoke a joint, introspect on why you have that flaw in your character, and
fix it.

Next: You will eventually decide to have kids. When you do, this life will be
over. A new, different life will begin. Aside from whatever satisfaction you
do or don't get out of the new aspects, one of the main differences will be
the amount of your time and energy you can devote to pursuits like making
software, writing novels, building a company, etc will be reduced by about
80%. So _this is your window_. Don't let your youth go to your head. You are
in the first year of only 10 or 15 that you have left where what you do is
totally up to you.

Finally: Stop smoking cigarettes immediately, you stupid little fuck.

------
insoluble
Never assume that those around you, even close friends or family members, care
about your best interests or future. Chances are their actions are based on
their own best interests, even when it involves you. There is a fair chance
they are not even considering your future in any of their actions. This is not
to say that you should not care about others, but that for many people, the
only one looking out for _you_ is yourself.

~~~
usaphp
I actually found it quite the opposite, the only people who really care about
you and your future are your parents.

~~~
insoluble
Some parents try to use their children for personal gain, whether social or
financial. My hypothesis is that a person who is selfish through his or her
life will remain so even after having children. Habits don't break easily,
especially if they are needed to satisfy insecurities. I honestly believe that
many parents publicly "care" about their children only because it would make
them look bad if they didn't. Hence, it's just a show. I had only one parent,
and that parent couldn't have cared much less about my future. This is not to
say that anyone else (other than myself) cared more. I didn't mean to suggest
that non-family cared more than family. I also didn't mean to suggest that
nobody has caring family and friends, since I'm sure some do.

------
kleer001
For me personally the key words would be "Ignore women, accrue finances."

As much as culture tells us pair bonding is the end all be all, it's not.
Outside of college your chances of finding a compatible mate reduce by 10,000%
or more. Instead of actively looking and compromising keep up high standards
for yourself and any potential mate. Instead of taking dozens and dozens of
dates spend that time socializing and spend that money investing. Spend time
to learn what you should be investing and don't trust pundits except as a
barometer as to what everyone else is doing.

For OP, if you really like this question it's been asked a lot. Check reddit
and youtube.

~~~
magic_beans
Yes, because on your death bed you'll remember fondly the growing number in
your bank account.

~~~
kleer001
Not all. I hope to die broke, having perfectly timed my expenditures.

I joke. It's really because as I age I will be able to afford the comforts and
convenience I've grown quite fond of. I will be able to take care of myself
and loved ones in emergencies and afford insurance.

But in the end it answers OP's question. And since my life is different from
yours I gave a different answer. If you feel my answer is inappropriate feel
free to engage me in conversation and learn more about the mistakes I've made,
the things I cherish, and my ethnic/cultural back ground.

~~~
7Figures2Commas
> It's really because as I age I will be able to afford the comforts and
> convenience I've grown quite fond of. I will be able to take care of myself
> and loved ones in emergencies and afford insurance.

You seem to be making a number of flawed assumptions here.

The first is that you will age. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. You could be hit
by a truck tomorrow and die. The second is that access to the comforts and
conveniences you have grown fond of are primarily a function of your finances.
But your enjoyment of the comforts and conveniences you can afford is also a
function of many other things, such as your health, which could be compromised
at any time by things you cannot predict or control.

> If you feel my answer is inappropriate...

I think your answer is likely to evoke a strong response because it paints
exploring intimate relationships and accumulating wealth as being mutually
exclusive.

This flies in the face of data that suggests one of the best ways to
accumulate wealth is to partner up. Marriage has been linked to wealth in
numerous studies, and by some estimates, more than 90% of the millionaires in
the United States are married.

Obviously, marriage motivated by financial gain is probably not advisable for
most, but _avoiding_ dating out of the belief that it will produce financial
benefit is not very attractive either.

~~~
kleer001
Well, should OP had asked "What general advice do you have for someone in
their 20's I might have taken studies and their data into account."

My advice to myself in my 20's to avoid dating is based out of how much I've
fucked up, having no mentorship and poor instincts in that area. If it helps
understanding.

~~~
7Figures2Commas
It's all about perspective. For example, if I introduced you to somebody who
painfully regretted not dating in his 20s out of, say, fear of rejection or
relationship failure, you might come to see your past dating experiences in a
kinder if not more positive light.

~~~
kleer001
That sounds terribly contrived. Eventually most everyone musters up the
courage to ask someone out. Petrification by fear is quite the medical
condition.

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mikestew
My 20 year old self? Lessee, doing a little math here...okay, got it: in a few
years a software company called Microsoft will IPO. Take every spare dime and
buy shares. Continue to do so until about 1999, then sell all of it.

In all seriousness? You're not as clever as you think you are, so try being
less of an asshole. Even when you _are_ the smartest person in the room, no
one cares, so quit being so insufferable. Spend more time with your musical
instrument; you'll never go pro, but it will add enjoyment to your life and
sometimes that of others, and when you're older you'll regret having not
played more when your were younger.

------
alashley
\- Socialize more. \- Pick a technology stack and stick with it for an
extended period of time. \- Ask her out.

------
AnimalMuppet
Be more into your kids and less into your own side projects.

------
JSeymourATL
\- One of your parents will die tragically young. You'll be caught unprepared,
this will change everything in your world. Maximize the time you have today,
work on your relationship with them. It might be helpful to study psychology
as a side project.

\- You breezed through university relatively unchallenged. Understand now that
the only way you'll be able to compete in the market is to out-read, out-
study, think more strategically, and work harder than your peers. You'll find
this helpful when being tapped as a co-founder. A good place to start, read-up
on the wisdom of Peter Drucker>
[http://academic.udayton.edu/lawrenceulrich/LeaderArticles/Dr...](http://academic.udayton.edu/lawrenceulrich/LeaderArticles/Drucker%20Managing%20Oneself.pdf)

\- Understand that your success goal posts will look entirely different at
30-40-50. Much of the material possessions and career aspirations that seem
important now, become junk & meaningless clutter later. Pivoting & reinvention
are key to survival. Often you win by surviving.

\- That emergency fund saved your neck when the business tanked. Still you
wish you had much deeper reserves.

\- Stop taking your health for granted. You'll be shocked by pro-athlete
peers, whose careers are largely over by their early 30s, their bodies spent.
Then one day you too get injured, badly. Start consciously taking care of your
body now.

------
TurboHaskal
\- Don't take that job in that country, you're young and adventurous, but the
salary difference is not worth it

\- Be less humble

\- Start reading about steroids, the sooner the better

\- Stop reading about design patterns when you don't even know what a Makefile
is

\- Don't drink too much functional programming kool aid

\- Pay attention to software licenses

\- Spend more time with your grandparents

\- You don't matter -- that's good

\- Quit distro hopping and try OpenBSD

\- Give your wrist some love and stop using the mouse

\- Don't buy that motorbike

------
7Figures2Commas
I would tell my 20 year-old self to ignore any advice from my 30+ year-old
self.

------
jvvlimme
\- Don't go straight to college, take a year off or you'll bore out and drop
out.

\- Try not to avoid what you're actually good at, you'll end up in IT anyway.

\- Stop wasting money, it'll get you into trouble several times down the road.

\- Stop wasting time.

\- Work out more, it's easier to lose pounds in your twenties then it is now
in your thirties.

You'll do just fine regardless.

------
EliRivers
Low cost index funds with dividends reinvested. All your pennies.

------
tmaly
I would tell myself about the Gale-Shapley matching algorithm and how it can
be used to get the best out of life.

Essentially, just keep trying for #1 biggest goal, if that fails, go for #2
biggest goal and so on. Essentially you always shoot for the stars, and you
will maximize what you get out of life.

------
austinjp
Do one thing and do it well. StIck with it. Excel. Get lessons, teach
yourself, push yourself. Do it for the love of doing it.

Don't compare yourself to anyone else.

Two marshmallows later rather than one now.

Hang onto those old friends. Even the ones who can be dicks, provided they're
not always dicks.

Tell your family you love them because one day it won't be possible.

Learn to love and forgive yourself so you can love and forgive others.
Practice loving kindness.

Stop smoking weed.

Introverts lose energy to others and gain energy from isolation, but isolation
should be in small doses to avoid de-socialisation.

Get fit, stay fit. Lift weights. Learn martial arts.

Get outdoors. Go up mountains and jump into the ocean.

Ultimately, it's all okay :)

------
hackuser
One more thing: For your career, look up the concept of "career capital" \-
that is what you want to focus on developing at the beginning, much more than
your income.

------
loumf
When I was 22, I wrote some advice for me for when I was 40, which I followed
(at 43), and it wasn't bad, although he was kind of a jerk about it.

~~~
suprjami
I'd be interested to know what advise you had for yourself 20 years in the
future, and how realistic that advice was?

~~~
loumf
It was in the middle of a travel journal. It said if you are reading this and
are 40, quit your job and start something. I did it (consulting) at the
soonest convenient time.

I think there was stuff in there about relationships, but that guy was an
idiot.

~~~
austinjp
I like this :)

20 year olds are full of expectations about the world, and your place in it.
If you can re-read those expectations and they chime with you, great -- go do
it.

If they don't ring true (the relationships stuff) then you've grown older and
wiser. Or just grown different, perhaps.

------
chrisBob
Get pregnant now!

If you have a baby now, your parents (or more likely Randy's parents) will
help out and then when you are 30 you will have a 10 year old that can
actually do something interesting instead of a 1 year old that you just lug
around.

But first, and this is important, have Randy get tested for protein-S
deficiency immediately.

------
smt88
1\. None of your decisions are important. I'm not saying that to belittle you.
I'm saying it because you can worry yourself sick if you're afraid of doing
the wrong thing. Life is a balance between "analysis paralysis" and jumping
into things too quickly.

You should lean toward jumping too quickly. Even if you make some small
mistakes, be open-minded and willing to learn from them, and you'll be able to
recover.

It takes many years of compounding a mistake before you're unable to recover.
Career-wise, it probably can't happen until you're 45+ (due to age
discrimination).

2\. Whenever possible, take your career in a direction that allows you to be
paid more for working fewer hours. This will pay off later in life when you
have the money to travel or just want to see loved ones.

There are many ways to accomplish this. One of them is to ask for better-
sounding titles, even if they don't come with more responsibility or pay.
Another is to develop skills that are widely applicable, rather than highly
specific. The worst thing you can do is to develop skills that are only
applicable to your specific employer.

For example, I have a lawyer friend who worked on a lawsuit related to
microprocessors. He did this for five years. When he wanted to move to a
different firm, no one wanted to hire him because he only had experience with
microprocessor litigation.

If you're starting out as a developer, try to work somewhere that uses modern,
popular technology. Both of those are important: modern and popular. For
example, a company that exclusively uses Haskell or Scala is probably not a
great idea. You'd want to get experience at something like Python, C++, C#,
Java, or JavaScript instead. (Note that the culture of companies that use Java
extensively are often very poor, so make sure to read Glassdoor reviews or ask
HN about the company).

3\. Sleep. If you focus on doing one thing at a time, you'll be way more
efficient than your peers, and you'll have time to sleep 8+ hours a night.
Don't work at a company that expects you to sleep less than 6 hours a night
and spend all your time at the office. They're living in the past and don't
understand that overall output suffers when people don't get to rest.

4\. Build and use your social network. Don't be afraid to ask friends,
parents' friends, relatives, and strangers to help you. If you don't have many
friends, go out of your way to make more.

My life is exponentially better because of only 2 friendships that I randomly
made a few years ago. It's been literally like winning the lottery. But you
have to meet a lot of people and make a lot of friends before you find those
relationships.

5\. Your career isn't and shouldn't be your life. If you can't have an
interesting conversation with someone that doesn't mention your job, you're
doing something wrong. Have hobbies and other interests.

In that same vein, ask yourself (or old people) what someone might regret
toward the end of their lives. Absolutely no one will say "I wish I'd spent
more time working". Virtually all of them will say "I wish I'd spent more time
with my family/friends/pets/hobbies". If you don't believe me, go out and ask.

6\. Leave your comfort zone whenever possible. The more you practice it, the
better you'll get at it. Every amazing thing in life requires being vulnerable
and leaving your comfort zone.

~~~
velikos
> For example, a company that exclusively uses Haskell or Scala is probably
> not a great idea.

Wow, you and I are totally at odds on this one.

~~~
smt88
At the beginning of a career?

I'm not saying "don't learn Haskell/Scala" or "never work at a company that
uses Haskell/Scala". I'm saying that early on, you want to have widely-used
technology on your resume, and then you can start to find a niche.

If your first and _only_ job is at a Haskell shop, it's going to be much
harder to get a job at a place that uses something more mainstream.

Does that make sense? This reflects popularity only, not the quality of the
technology.

------
iphoneseventeen
stop renting and BUY property. Something BELOW your budget.

~~~
rickitan
I disagree. By buying a property you're reducing your options drastically, due
to the heavy debt on your shoulders, and by options I mean job opportunities
in other places, exploring new areas, starting a business, etc.

For me having options is the most important thing in life, and it's what makes
life exciting. Not being stuck to the same place for 20+ years until you
finishing paying the mortgage.

~~~
aprdm
er, you can just rent? I've bought a house last year and I am in another
country at the moment, all I had to do was rent the place... the mortgage is
paid by the rent.

------
hackuser
Here's a few ideas, probably many of them wrong for you (see #3). Certainly
your mileage will vary:

* Self-knowledge is the most powerful tool there is: What suits you, what doesn't; your strengths and weaknesses; your talents and blindspots; your limits; what you need, can tolerate and can't; what you love and hate; what makes you feel safe and strong and helps you thrive, and what leaves you traumatized. If you think you already know yourself, you almost certainly don't. You never fully know but you want to learn as much as you can (and in the process you'll learn to understand other people). It's the basis of every important decision you must make: Do I choose this career? Do I trust myself to take on the responsibility of this business, with all these people's fortunes and careers depending on me? Can I commit to love and care for this person for life? Is she/he right for me? Am I ready to put an infant human's life and development in my hands (and can I handle the work/life balance and pressure)? Many people make poor decisions about these issues - How can they make good ones if they don't know the key factor, themselves?

* The only way to develop that knowledge is to try and fail, and then to get up and try again (an essential skill in itself). You can't learn these things by just thinking about them; they aren't in a book. And now is your chance. Later when you have a career, a mortgage, business partners, employees and children depending on you, you can't take a big risk to just suit yourself. Also, I'm not just talking your career, but all aspects of your life: Relationships (especially relationships!), where you live, your lifestyle, etc. People playing it safe will question and criticize you (see below), but just smile and know you are moving ahead while in ten years they'll unfortunately realize they have learned little of life and themselves.

* Learn to ignore everyone's advice and criticism and to trust your own instinct and thoughts. Nobody else really understands you or your situation nearly well enough. They might have good ideas to consider, but you know best (which requires that self-knowledge). No matter what you do, people will criticize you. Even Steve Jobs was fired, Bill Gates reviled, and Martin Luther King was hated by many and polls show he was unpopular during the civil rights struggle; you could be President of the United States and people daily will call you an abject failure. And you will fail constantly, sometimes horribly, just like the rest of us, and while you are failing there will be no promise of success. Given that you will face criticism, questions, and failure no matter what, and that there is no promise of a good outcome anyway, at least do what you love and think is best, and enjoy the ride.

* Gather some data: Look at people at the other end of life, or ask them: What turned out to be important? My guess is most will answer, their family and personal relationships. Few people wish they had spent more time at work; many wish they had spent more with family. Finally, a good marriage is perhaps the most valuable thing in life but it takes far more than love and good will; it takes dedication, hard work, skill, and, as much as anything, self-knowledge.

I hope some of that is helpful!

EDIT: A minor edit or two

~~~
meta_pseudo
Interesting, #3 seems to be more important one and I never understood things
mentioned #4. Thanks for your perspective in such detail.

------
paraplegic
Don't panic.

------
aliston
I just turned 30 about 6 months ago and spent a lot of time reflecting on the
ups and downs of the past 10 years. To directly answer your questions based on
my own experiences:

1.) Take the challenging job - YES. Of course, this is somewhat vague advice.
If I had it to do over again, I would have taken the job at Google (now
Facebook, AirBnb, Uber, Dropbox...) rather than joining the small startup
right off the bat. The startup world is full of charlatans, and working at a
more established company initially will give you credibility, engineering
skills, a network and savings that can help you navigate sharky waters. I
would have done the startup 2-3 years later. Instead, I did the opposite,
which worked out fine, but meant that I had to learn a lot of lessons the hard
way.

2.) Get a higher degree - MAYBE. I got the higher degree (MS) at a top school.
But, I already had the undergrad degree which would have gotten me in the door
at any of the aforementioned companies. I enjoyed grad school, and it gave me
an opportunity to explore lots of fun subjects that I missed in undergrad due
to requirements. However, it delayed me from learning hard lessons in the real
world that probably would have benefited me more. From a financial standpoint,
I don't think an MSCS is worth it, even if its free, because you'll come out
ahead with more years of real-world experience and an additional year(s) of
salary as a software engineer.

3.) Start something of your own - YES. Do it. But do it when you have a solid
group of friends that are willing to take the plunge with you and an idea that
you are confident in (have vetted through customer development or some other
means). I did it when I was 24 or so, first as a contractor and then launching
several products. Working as a contractor allowed me the freedom to travel
through South America, which was literally the best experience of my life. My
attempts to start a company were not as successful... I got scared by my
dwindling bank account, was unsure of whether the idea would work and hastily
got a job. BUT, my cofounder stuck with it, found another cofounder and is now
running a multi-million dollar company. Thus, my advice to do it, but when
you're good and ready, committed, and have friends that are 100% bought in.

As for other advice, I think the biggest thing I learned in my 20's is that
sometimes you've gotta stick it out through the tough times. Without going
into too much detail, I passed on several opportunities that would have
dramatically changed my life, largely because of my own stubbornness,
arrogance, and view that I was too good to be stuck doing work that I felt was
beneath me. I'd echo the comment about "pick one thing and get really good at
it," but I would disagree that you need to "do it for the love of doing it."
Sometimes you're not going to love it. My friends/acquaintances that took
calculated risks, and kept going where others wouldn't were the ones who ended
up on the cover of Forbes (literally).

~~~
meta_pseudo
Well, I wasn't looking for exact those question but it still helps, especially
the third part and the conclusion. Thanks!

------
J_Darnley
I'm not over 30 yet just 28 and I would have told myself to stay in school or
just end it. If I could speak to my 18 year old self I would tell him to
choose a different subject.

