
Self-criticism can take a toll on our minds and bodies - ingve
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/22/smarter-living/why-you-should-stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself.html
======
tomhoward
_“Self-criticism ... can lead to ruminative thoughts that interfere with our
productivity, and it can impact our bodies by stimulating inflammatory
mechanisms that lead to chronic illness and accelerate aging”_

This assertion may sit outside conventional medical science and mainstream
accepted wisdom, but it aligns with my own experience.

After trying unsuccessfully for years to overcome depression/anxiety, chronic
fatigue and other mysterious illnesses (asthma, skin problems, headaches, back
tension/pain) using conventional/material remedies (antidepressants, exercise,
diets), I added emotion-based treatments to my regimen about 6 years ago, and
have had much greater success.

In particular, I've undertaken practices that identify negative beliefs,
traumas and sabotaging behavioural patterns that are held in the subconscious,
then allow these issues to be understood and resolved. Self-criticism has been
big part of what I've been able to work through.

It's been no quick fix (it seems I've had a lot of baggage to work through),
but bit by bit, as my emotional health has improved, my physiological health
has steadily improved, as have all the outer-world indicators like
relationships, productivity and career.

I'm now comfortable suggesting that this approach is overlooked by mainstream
medicine to the great detriment of many people suffering chronic illness, and
given the link with inflammation that has been suggested in this article and
elsewhere, and that I seem to have experienced myself, far more progress could
be made in addressing inflammatory and autoimmune illnesses if this approach
were to be taken seriously.

~~~
pacificleo11
Can you please share the details of methods /techniques you used? did you saw
a therapist? I am in same boat here and can use some help

~~~
dboreham
Sounds like a form of CBT.

~~~
dronescanfly
oh the joys of name overloading. Wasn't sure what abbreviation you meant, went
to google, was surprised...

~~~
locuscoeruleus
To be fair, you're not expected to know random abbreviations from random
fields of study. That said, if you're interested in emotion-based therapy you
can check out [http://istdpinstitute.com](http://istdpinstitute.com) or
[http://www.iseft.org/](http://www.iseft.org/) (they have global lists with
therapauts).

------
TipVFL
I recently realized that when I have negative thoughts about myself or the
future I feel like I'm listening to my logic and reason, but when the thoughts
are positive I just brush it off as wishful thinking. Which has lead me to a
life where I dread imaginary events that never happen, and don't let myself
look forward to anything or fantasize about possibilities.

I think it started as a measure of self protection after a long string of
broken promises when I was a kid, but it's a shitty way to live. My biggest
realization was just that pessimism is no more logical than optimism.

My solution has been to give equal time to positive thoughts. So, if I find
myself thinking for a couple minutes about how something might go horribly
wrong, I spend the next couple minutes imagining what the best case scenario
would be like.

I'm basically forcing hope back into my life.

~~~
scandinavegan
I've read that predictions on the future made by pessimists end up closer to
reality than by optimists. It might make sense to plan for the worst from a
practical perspective, to limit unnecessary risks. But on the other hand,
people with really low expectations are usually not super happy when something
turns out better than expected, they just find something else to complain
about.

Being optimistic, without setting expectations so high that you're constantly
disappointed, seems to be a more pleasurable way to live your life. Also, the
consequences of failure to meet whatever high standards self-critical people
put on themselves are rarely as bad as you think before it happens.

I like your way of finding some balance between being pessimistic and
optimistic.

~~~
user5454
> But on the other hand, people with really low expectations are usually not
> super happy when something turns out better than expected

I don't know, in my experience having high expectations seems to set you up
for a higher fall and a lower upside, thus leading to less happiness. I have
generally quite low expectations and am generally quite happy. Some people
around me have generally much higher expectations and are generally quite
unhappy. The things in life where I do have some higher expectations about are
also the things I'm the least happy about.

~~~
TipVFL
> I don't know, in my experience having high expectations seems to set you up
> for a higher fall and a lower upside, thus leading to less happiness.

I used to feel this way, but I no longer think that optimism and expectation
have to be that closely linked. To me optimism is about having hope, not
expectations. Similarly, my pessimism isn't about what I expect to happen,
it's about what I fear happening.

So, I choose to balance my fear and hope.

~~~
hndamien
ALso, as an optimist that misses a high goal, you may still end up in a great
place. A pessimist that achieves his may not end up where he really wanted to
be.

------
cdoxsey
From a Christian perspective self criticism is important because its a
recognition of reality, that we fall short every day, even of our own
standards. We call it confession.

Confession is possible because of the Gospel: God saves sinners not perfect
people. " But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were
still sinners, Christ died for us." We can admit to our failure because we
stand not on our own righteousness but on Christ's.

In it we can find acceptance just as we are and hope for change in the future:
"he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion"

Directed self talk can be very helpful. You arr the person you listen to most
in life and what you tell yourself can radically alter your perceptions.

That said, self talk is very hard. We are easily deceived, and you can get
trapped in your own thoughts: anxiety, depression, neurosis.

We're not meant to go it alone. Seek help. "Therefore, confess your sins to
one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed."

~~~
s-shellfish
In Buddhism, compassion is practiced more because, every person you deal with
is someone you either have been, or someone you will eventually see in
yourself. So there's no point to criticize because you always work towards
mutual understanding and compassion.

You don't have to practice the inward neurotic obsession of identifying flaws
or the external compulsion of alleviating the burden of knowing yourself -
because you'll focus on them when you do. Every person you meet knows you and
every person you know is you.

~~~
ikeyany
I don't consider myself a Buddhist but I've always aligned myself behind that
way of thinking. Even in a non-spiritual context, most people have similar
struggles in common: nobody asked to be put on this planet, everyone was torn
from the safety and comfort of the womb to be thrown into a chaotic world,
we're all just trying to get by providing for ourselves and our loved ones,
and we're all trying to enjoy life while we have it.

It would seem obvious that when you hurt someone, you are merely hurting a
different version of yourself, a version simply displaced in time and space
and sitting in another man's shoes.

~~~
s-shellfish
I think some people at some points in their life think that it's okay to judge
others, because they think they will never be what they judge.

But we always are that, generally, we experience those emotions eventually, in
some shape or form. We judge we get judged. Til the end of time, eventually we
die, we are alone, with only our thoughts, and a question of what we will
become next. And all we have is everything we have ever known and thought, on
a deathbed. And all we have ever known and thought are, how we know ourselves
and how we know others.

And all of that is in the mind, at the moment of death.

So I think while living, it's important to let go of whatever causes the cycle
of wanting to judge and wanting to hurt, people hurt when they feel hurt.

When we feel judged, we judge. But generally, we can never really know if we
are being judged or hurt. Because life is an experience, of coming and going,
of interacting with a self we think we are not, but we are.

Zen koans can be good to think about (to me), when one dwells too much on what
a self means, when one has to interact with other selves in real life. People
need a sense of self, because sometimes we are with other selves, sometimes we
are with our self.

[https://www.ibiblio.org/zen/cgi-bin/koan-
index.pl](https://www.ibiblio.org/zen/cgi-bin/koan-index.pl)

------
alexpetralia
I think there's a tendency for overachievers to see self-compassion as "going
easy" on yourself.

However, it's very useful to recognize that self-criticism is the _emotional_
self giving feedback, rather than the _logical_ self. Obviously, this is the
worst self to receive feedback from!

I think once you can reconceptualize this, you see self-criticism as the dark
half of constructive feedback. You can practice self-compassion, yet still
independently recognize that you can logically focus on improvement (without
the emotional criticism).

~~~
forapurpose
> self-criticism is the _emotional_ self giving feedback, rather than the
> _logical_ self. Obviously, this is the worst self to receive feedback from!

IMHO that's a very unhealthy perspective. Your emotional self is just as
important, healthy, and useful as your intellectual side. They are both
essential; try to operate using one without the other and you will be
crippled.

~~~
manmal
Exactly, the situation for us humans is that emotions are based on our
perception of reality, and this perception might be (or, most likely, is)
tainted. Lesswrong has some articles on emotions, which were very enlightening
to me btw. Emotion is important to listen to! But instead of taking the easy
way out of an emotion, like giving in to rage and hitting someone, or running
away from a painful situation, we can stop to reflect what view of the world
causes this emotion, and find a more rational way to find a more constructive
way to deal with the problem at hand. That’s btw exactly what cognitive
behavioral therapy is about. The hard part is to stop in your tracks and
recognize situations that pull „the trigger“ for you.

~~~
pacificleo11
Thanks can you please point to the Lesswrong article ?

~~~
manmal
Sure, here are some good ones:

[https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/tNnhxNYcXYdJYtQRh/overcoming...](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/tNnhxNYcXYdJYtQRh/overcoming-
suffering-emotional-acceptance)

[https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/oiGN8fLCqYyk2xJaT/avoid-
misi...](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/oiGN8fLCqYyk2xJaT/avoid-
misinterpreting-your-emotions)

[https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/iA6dNPKFNhXd3JiZs/the-
peril-...](https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/iA6dNPKFNhXd3JiZs/the-peril-of-
ignoring-emotions)

------
mattbierner
For me, the easiest type of self-criticism to slip into is comparing myself to
others. What I eventually came to realize though is that I was comparing my
individual skills/achievements in a given field against the most accomplished
people in that field. Like: I do computers and business but I have not pulled
a Steve Jobs so I clearly must suck. And: I do photography but I must be a
terrible failure because my work isn't in the Guggenheim.

Although those are comically extreme examples, media and society makes is easy
to do this sort of thing on smaller scales. I also realized that even when I
did come out on top of any mental comparisons, it did not make me feel any
better. So now I try to catch winner think early and instead remember: there
will only ever be one me, I should strive to be the best, most complete
version of myself I can be. This mindset has been a far more productive

~~~
ljm
I experienced this with Facebook too, but not because I felt envious of other
peoples' social highlights and I was comparing myself to that.

Facebook often shows you posts and photos from the same time in previous
years, like memories but not particularly authentic. I found myself getting
into a worse state of mind when I started comparing who I am now to who I was
a year ago, two years ago... because my own highlight reel back then was far
more exciting and vibrant than it has been more recently. Or that's what
Facebook will have you believe, because it's just a one-dimensional window
into a vast and diverse existence. It won't show you anything from your past
that doesn't unambiguously register as 'happy'.

It makes it really easy to forget that there are positive notes to things you
can't share so easily, so the comparison is as misleading as it is damaging.

~~~
Apocryphon
I've experienced negativity from comparing my past self to the present, but
because that self was too similar to the current. As in I wasn't experiencing
enough progress as I liked. Fortunately comparing past to present GitHub shows
a better trend.

------
jaynate
I too, have issues from my childhood that have driven self-criticism. Over the
past 18 months I have been able to put those things behind me.

For me it was, and is, all about my faith. This article doesn’t acknowledge
that aspect of healing, but this has been very real in my life. I’d recommend
reading the book Wild at Heart by John Eldridge for anyone curious.

------
bladegash
I am someone who has had to face some very serious physical and mental health
consequences as a result of pathological perfectionism (no, it's not a good
thing). Learning skills similar to the ones described in this article changed
my life. I still have bad days, but mindfulness and self-compassion,
validation, kindness, and understanding can be game changers for those with
perfectionist tendencies.

It finally clicked for me when someone described how we are seemingly capable
of providing compassion/validation/understanding/kindness to and/or seeking
them from others. However, we were really bad at giving ourselves those same
things.

It made me realize that I was inflicting tiny psychological wounds at every
turn, saying things like "You're such an idiot"..."how could you be so stupid
to do..."...or the worst one..."You're never going to succeed and everyone
will see you as just as much of a failure as you see yourself if you don't do
this perfect".

It is not something that can be changed over night and takes consistent
practice. It takes about as much effort, for me, as learning a new
intellectually challenging skill. However, it has been incredibly worthwhile,
valuable, and life-changing in many ways.

~~~
laythea
"It finally clicked for me when someone described how we are seemingly capable
of providing compassion/validation/understanding/kindness to and/or seeking
them from others. However, we were really bad at giving ourselves those same
things."

This is so true. But I do wonder whether this is because when we apply it for
others, because it is "distant" to ourselves, we afford a certain amount more
"slack". Maybe.

~~~
bladegash
That's probably part of it. I think the other part of it is our "inner voice"
needs training and practice at it. Having two young children of my own, I can
see how upbringing and the way parents punish/praise their children plays a
role in this. This is just my opinion and not based on any specific research,
but think about how a parent typically curbs a perceived negative behavior.
Ex. A child is eating dinner while standing up instead of sitting down. A
parent will ask the child to sit down and possibly levy a consequence if they
do not do it. Now think about all the other times the child ate at the dinner
table and sat down (99% of the time). How many times was the child praised for
sitting at the table as they were expected to? Similar examples can be found
in how negative/positive reinforcement is implemented within the K-12
education system.

The point being, we are likely trained from an early age to focus on
criticizing our negative behavior(s) instead of reinforcing our positive ones.

------
DanielleMolloy
I would like to know whether this happens mostly to people who work in fields
that demand some degree of perfectionism and / or black & white thinking, or
are in artificial environments with clear answers (like maths, programming).

Mind trained for ubiquitous perfectionism / black-white thinking* ->
perfectionist self-criticism -> chronic stress

If this is right, the alternative solution is to not apply the thinking
patterns that lead to performing well in those types of work in those many
areas of life where there is no clear answer, or no place for such patterns.

~~~
rukuu001
I've never been a black/white thinker, but I got a big dose of "you're no
good" in my childhood, which led to chronic self-criticism.

I finally left that behind around age 40, mostly from just being worn out by
it I think.

~~~
navs
I just turned 30 and the self criticism has gotten stronger. Mostly, I think,
because I feel like time's running out to get adult things done like buy a
house, get married, etc.

~~~
rukuu001
Thoughts that have buoyed me:

\- I'm not 'normal'. Expecting life to proceed 'normally' doesn't make sense
for me.

\- Other people's expectations are none of my business (related to marriage,
property ownership etc).

\- I may die before the end of this sentence, or in 60 years time; 'too late'
is relative. (Phew, made it).

I'm not making assumptions about them applying in your case, but wanted to
share in case they're helpful.

------
gaspoweredcat
its not wrong but its also not easy to do, especially when the issue is bigger
than not getting a few items on your todo list done.

i totally messed up my career, i backed myself into a corner by ending up a
jack of all trades. I saw it coming, i should have been pushing to ensure i
was more employable after my positions ended but i became complacent and now
im paying the price. I know hindsight is 20/20 but that doesnt really stop the
feeling that i should have been better prepared.

so the moral of the story here is dont let yourself fall into that trap in the
first place, no job lasts forever, no matter how much praise is heaped on you
for what you do your position can end unexpectedly, be ready for it as its
easier to do than forgiving yourself for not doing it

~~~
ejolto
Could you expand on this? How wide was your experience? What signs did you see
of it coming? And what should you have done in your opinion to stay more
employable?

~~~
gaspoweredcat
i can, my job was something of a grey area skill if you will, i worked for
various companies to customize or otherwise alter mobile phones for various
purposes be that adding branding or apps, creating store demo units, removing
sim and region locks etc

The caveat was that all this was done with no manufacturer approval, i had to
be able to make any alterations without damaging the warranty of the device,
there was no correct process or list of things i was or wasnt allowed to do,
as long as i got the job done the how didnt matter.

this left me using all sorts of various tricks, exploits, scripts and tools to
do the job, im not a great coder by any means but i know enough to get what i
need done in a few languages, i also dealt with basic IT support and another
random requests that came in such as data recovery (i have never had any sort
of training for any of this, im entirely self taught, my skill isnt in a
particular area really, its my ability to adapt and solve problems that gets
me by)

The problem was i knew this job was not going to last, as the years rolled on
and the security of mobile devices tightened up it became more and more
difficult to achieve what was needed, the advent of efuse protection like
Samsungs Knox flag made things even harder and many companies previously
requiring these solutions were now having custom budget devices direct from
chinese oems rather than customizing off the shelf devices from the likes of
samsung or htc etc. it became clear that the job wouldnt last.

However i enjoyed what i did, so i became complacent, i just carried on doing
my job ignoring the fact that it would inevitably end, i should have been
preparing myself for a new career, either strengthening my coding or obtaining
IT certifications, anything to ensure i was able to transition into a new
industry more smoothly once the inevitable end came.

when i was finally made redundant i found myself in limbo, i lacked call
center/customer service skills to get me into first line support roles usually
being told i was too technical and better suited to a second line position,
however having no experience in a support role i was not getting second line
jobs either, usually being told "there was nothing wrong, the other candidate
was just a better fit" or something similar i take this generally to mean they
had time served in a previous role so were a better prospect

now after a staggering number of applications, phone screens and interviews i
have given up on finding a job in IT, i can understand why few are willing to
take a chance, it makes sense to take someone with time served over an unknown
quantity. I know there are those who will say i just need to keep applying but
eventually you have to start considering if your efforts are wasted,
especially as the work gap on my CV grows larger.

almost every significant job ive gotten has been because someone took a chance
on me or noticed my potential and when they did i have always excelled usually
going from "the new guy" to a key player very quickly. it doesnt matter what i
have to do i have an ability to get very good very quickly (likely a quirk of
my autism) but this isnt something i can really demonstrate and unless
potential employers go to the trouble of contacting my previous employers to
confirm my claims they have little but my word to go on.

~~~
Noumenon72
Thanks for explaining! Makes a much more concrete lesson!

------
EGreg
For me, self-criticism basically came from a place of knowing that I could
have done better. If things went wrong I always ask what I could have done to
have made it go better.

But that also comes from a mentality of being on the bottom and working your
way up. At some point the people on the top get to relax. Is that you? Do you
get to relax and not climb all the time? That self criticism can cause you to
never enjoy anything because you’re always trying to reach the next level.

------
calferreira
I have the same problem, and the weird thing is,at least for me, self-
criticism often goes unnoticed.

When i'm on periods of fatigue and "other mysterious illnesses" i often think:

\- I'm working too hard; \- "It's stress"; \- Sleeping bad or tired and don't
know why; \- Just keep going, this will pass;

It takes a lot of time for me to understand that self criticism is causing all
the problems.

A real life example is, i'm working on a project, and i've been having a good
performance and i've been praised about it, but since i'm working alone my
head thinks:

\- "They're just motivating me, this doesn't even have 40% unit test
coverage". \- "When the i start working with other people, this won't work".
\- "When i integrate react with my api, this will go bananas".

Truth is, i have zero evidence of this, and truth is, it's not that bad, but
in my head, i have this deep fear that all of those things will become true.

Generally it hits me when i reach point where i'm out of ideas on why i'm
feeling so bad and so stressed and i start exercising and my head relaxes and
starts thinking and only then i realise, "hey, chill dude. Remember that you
have a tone more stuff important than that project, life, wife , kid, cat,
family."

And i keep exercising so i stay with a focused mind.

Until i stop because i started a new project or other cool stuff, only to fall
on the same trap all over again.

I hate this, and i haven't been able to overcome this for years. It's up and
down.

------
Madmallard
Maybe poor social adaptability is an early marker of future poor health.

------
evibeefi
I’ve come to the conclusion that most perspectives in life are completely
relative and purely in the eye of the beholder. Too much self-criticism is
thus an overemphasis of one side of the coin. It is not healthy and in most
cases not valid

------
muterad_murilax
“[Self-criticism] can impact our bodies by stimulating inflammatory mechanisms
that lead to chronic illness and accelerate aging...”

Does anyone know where I can learn more about this?

~~~
ridgeguy
I don't know if this will be on-topic for you, but:

I'll speculate that chronic self-criticism is, results from, and/or produces
chronic stress. Chronic stress is known to be harmful to health in several
ways.

You might start with an interesting article [1]: From Stress to Inflammation
and Major Depressive Disorder: A Social Signal Transduction Theory of
Depression. Not paywalled, maybe a place to begin looking at connections
between self-criticism (which I find immensely stressful and debilitating) and
consequent illnesses.

[1]
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4006295/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4006295/)

------
sjg007
Also a good reason to leave a nation here or critical spouse/partner..

------
j45
I hope I'm not alone in feeling I've spent a fair bit of time with negative or
doubtful people who take a passing interest in my positive unreasonableness.

Cultivating, maintaining and protecting a healthy and positive inner dialogue
is so important, as is avoiding doubt worshipping. It's interesting the type
of negativity that positivity attracts.

Recognizing doubt worshipping is incredibly beneficial to learn to recognize.

Little by little, aware, or unaware, doubt worshippers spread seeds of doubt,
attempting to validate and plant their own self-doubt by projecting their
interpreted self-doubts on others. Some seeds of doubt eventually sprout if
they make up too much of the energy and mindset around us.

Many doubt worshippers take things very personally even if someone seems happy
or is stretching their own boundaries. Society in many ways supports seeking
external validation before inner, and buying back our self-worth through many
external forms.

I try to surround and anchor the world around me with as many creators, who
are creating, in as many ways as possible. It's helped me to remember that
innovation can only exist in a mindset of possibility, and keep a buffer
between the negativity that can be around.

People who hang onto positivity much longer than most are also great to learn
from. Many have learnt how to demonstrate being genuinely happy or supportive
of others - something that doubt worshippers don't do for themselves.

Among doubt worshippers, self-criticisms can be found presented as rational
thought, skepticism of thought or logical behavior. One question that reveals
individuals practicing negativity is: Does it mean there is no understanding
of something if a someone hasn't understood it yet and chooses to be
skeptical? It would be interesting to explore if faithless cynicism really is
productive.

There's a big difference between thinking less about yourself, and thinking
less of yourself. One frees you up, the latter can debilitate.

We all can identify behaviour like this in our lives, and sometimes in
ourselves. There's benefit from trying to be aware of this. I don't have any
answers or desires to change the behaviour of others, only to be able to be
free to be as hopeful, and positive as someone else might want to be doubtful
and self-defeating.

Learning how to push forward, with incremental and additive effort is much
different than pushing yourself through self-criticism.

It's nice to learn to genuinely not give a f about what the world thinks, only
what you think, and how well treat yourself, and as an indicator of that, how
well you treat others. By setting our own bar, haters often reveal themselves
to be doing little themselves and will see what they want to no matter you may
want to show.

------
mykull
Let's go out on a limb here and consider that people aren't overly self
critical, and the problem is actually that they can't do anything about their
failure to meet high self expectations, because they are in effect trapped in
a prescribed lifestyle where they have no power to make meaningful change.

Let's go out on a limb and consider that while being less critical of yourself
addresses the symptoms of disappointment, it doesn't address the causes of
inutility of smart and capable people.

Let's consider that the quote "it is no measure of health to be well adjusted
to a profoundly sick society" is actually pretty insightful.

We are, as a culture and a species, failing in myriad ways. In my humble
opinion, we should feel bad and we should change as well. We're just powerless
to do much because of the strength of institutions that exist out of ritual
and not out of rationality.

We're left to hate ourselves, because nature and ignorant humans with money
and power do not care what we think, and have an answer for everything we do.

~~~
qop
So what do we do? How can people force the world to change to utilize talented
people? Meritocracy works decently in software, but as a too to manage other
humans or other groups of humans, is there any good evidence that it will
work?

Furthermore, is there evidence that mankind is meant to be well? I've heard
native Americans talk about how nobody went hungry and nobody was broke before
the concepts that colonialism brought to reality, but isn't that part of the
cost of a modern world?

It's horrific that human history reveals that periods of conflict are usually
actually pretty helpful for advancing technology (ww2, middle east, Internet
to some extent), but there's no obvious alternative.

It seems that humans are invested in not going collectively backwards,
technologically and this the possibilities created by new things becomes a
sort of ew cursive expectation that we are trying to meet.

Folks a hair older than I am remember a time when man had not gone to space,
much less landed on the moon. Now we are within several decades of having
permanent structures on the moon that human beings will live on. It took us
tens of thousands of years, but now we are here.

Humans being have to go forward until there's a better alternative.

Personally, I think we'll all be better off when AI surpasses us. If we
behave, maybe it will fix our planet and leave us somewhere safe while it
explores the cosmos.

I don't hate myself, either. I used to, but I had to stop when I put the
bottle down. I'm not a psychologist, but self loathing is very often linked to
some sort of addiction or disruptive emotional condition, just by my
experience with other addicts and other miscreants like myself.

~~~
jacobush
Approach, friend.

~~~
qop
If you have time, would you care to expand?

~~~
jacobush
Sorry for not having some deep meaning, it just came to me when I read:

 _I don 't hate myself, either. I used to, but I had to stop when I put the
bottle down. I'm not a psychologist, but self loathing is very often linked to
some sort of addiction or disruptive emotional condition, just by my
experience with other addicts and other miscreants like myself._

I can relate to that - not exactly "putting down the bottle" but with the self
loathing, being a miscreant and at the same time letting go of the self
loathing. Not suddenly, but bit by bit in different scenarios of life, as I
hopefully become a more mature person.

The phrase "Approach, friend" is from a song lyric that stuck with me.

A soldier calls out into the night:

\- Halt! Who goes there?!

\- ... Death

\- Approach, friend.

[http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/marillion/forgotten+sons_200889...](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/marillion/forgotten+sons_20088912.html)

------
jadedhacker
NYT trying to inculcate a philosophy of non-critical thinking in a time when
there is so little. They're hoping that your valid overstressing concerns will
translate into forgiveness for your national identity as well. They're also
hoping that you'll feel sympathy for powerful figures, such as when they
advocate war and get criticism for it.

Please keep those two things seperable in your mind. Harsh criticism in nearly
unlimited quantities is very healthy when directed at the powerful.

