
Ask HN: How to get people to tell you their problems? - lettergram
YCombinator, Startup School, etc. all discuss working through issues with potential customers. Asking them about their problems.<p>How do you start that conversation? Because it seems rather difficult to get just some random person to tell you their problems at work or at home.
======
mindcrime
First of all, this is a huge topic, about which entire books could be written.
And, in fact, entire books _have_ been written on this topic. So don't expect
anything approaching a comprehensive treatment in a post here.

That said... start with empathy. Put yourself in your prospects shoes, so to
speak. Think about the things you _will_ talk about with someone you don't
know, the things you won't, and why they differ. Further consider how you
decide who you will and won't talk about certain things with.

Example: let's say you're a guy and you have ED. Most guys consider this
incredibly embarrassing and wouldn't talk about it with many people. You might
even be reluctant to tell your doctor. But you probably would, eventually.
OTOH, you might be sitting at a bar, have a stranger sit down next to you who
asks "how's it going", and then you blurt out "Ah, hell, my dick doesn't work,
the transmission in my car is shot, and my dog died. How about you?"

So, why would you tell your doctor about your embarrassing condition? Probably
because your doctor has massive _credibility_ in your eyes and represents a
source of a resolution to your problem.

But why tell the stranger in the bar? He/she can't help right? Maybe not, but
since they are a total stranger that you'll probably never see again, you can
safely tell them without caring one whit about their _judgment_ of your
condition.

So, maybe demonstrating credibility and a non-judgmental attitude are keys to
getting people to talk about things? Granted, this is an over-simplified
example, but think through some similar scenarios and see where it leads you.

Regarding credibility: a lot of this is tied up in the research you've already
done (you did do preliminary research, right?) related to your prospect (in
terms of industry vertical, demographics, geography, etc.), and the questions
you ask. Asking good questions is a good way to demonstrate that you know what
you're talking about and may represent - as your doctor does - a viable source
to some mitigation of the problem at hand.

Beyond that: many/most books written on the topic of selling and sales cover
this ground to varying degrees. Search the HN archives for the (many) threads
on "sales book recommendations" and peruse some of the titles. There are also
a lot of books written to target consultants or would-be consultants that deal
with similar material.

~~~
sloaken
Great answers. The Judgement thing can be seen when you are at a conference or
training and they say "there are no dumb questions". Personally I like to
respond with "What is the capital of <obscure state or country>". Gets a nice
laugh every time.

~~~
mindcrime
Respect and trust are also important, and kinda relate back to the "non
judgmental" part. If you ask somebody a question that pre-supposes that they
made a mistake, or are stupid, or don't know their own industry, etc., then
that person is probably going to react in a very defensive fashion and put up
walls to avoid talking to you. You have to show people that you respect them,
and that they can trust you to treat them with respect and dignity, and not
belittle or demean them.

There's an idea that pickup artists talk about, called "enter her world". The
notion goes something like this: if you're out at a bar, and you're a guy, and
you see an attractive woman you want to talk to, you approach her and start a
conversation, at which point you're just "another sleazy guy in a bar". But if
you quickly demonstrate, using your questions, statements, stories, etc., that
you have some understanding of the woman's world, the issues she has to deal
with, etc., then you can "enter her world" and now you're not _just_ "a sleazy
guy at a bar". Now the barriers go down a little bit and the conversation
becomes more personal, and more meaningful. OK, it's not a perfect analogy,
but you can probably see the connection. The point is basically that you have
to earn admission into someone's world if you want them to talk about things
beyond a superficial level.

------
interactivecode
I have a background in UX before diving into programming. And the simple
answer is just to talk to people and then ask in a friendly way. How you start
the conversation doesn’t matter much at the start. As long as it isn’t off
putting people are quite friendly.

I found it always help to explain your goal/project your working on. Starting
the conversation with: “Hi I’m working on a fun project and wanted to get out
and talk to some people about it. Do you have some time to help me?”

After doing this with 30 people in your social circle, slowly start reading up
and improving your approach and start asking people further away from you

------
tomcam
I don't make these pronouncements often, but what you need to know is settled
science ;) If you read then actually follow "The Mom Test" you'll get the
answers you need. To me it's one of the most revolutionary books in business
and should be required reading for anyone doing a startup.

No relation to the author, I don't make money off the recommendation, etc.

------
Porthos9K
I have the opposite problem. I avoid human interaction because I haven't
figured out how to get people to _stop_ talking to me about their problems.

~~~
quickthrower2
Are they problems they’d pay you to fix?

~~~
Porthos9K
They don't pay me enough to listen, let alone provide fixes.

------
tmaly
Getting really good at conversation helps.

Two books I would recommend are

How to Win Friends and Influence People

And

The Mom Test

