

Ask HN: High school senior, deferred from Harvard. Advice? - jellyksong

Hello HN! I'd just like to say that I admire every person on this website, and one day I hope to be working in the tech/startup industry as many of you are. Right now, I'd be grateful for some advice and perspective.<p>Today I got deferred from my dream school. Perhaps that's better than being rejected, but Harvard rejects even less applicants than it accepts, so I'm in the majority (~70%).<p>I know that I should focus on completing my other applications, and maybe do something awesome that'll get Harvard's attention, but right now I feel so unmotivated. Several of my friends did get accepted, so that also stings. I almost feel too discouraged to do work.<p>It's only been a couple of hours since the news, but I'm afraid this deadbeat-ness will stick and deadlines are looming ever closer.<p>Do you guys have any advice? Kind or harsh words are both appreciated :)
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impendia
I'm going to disagree with a lot of other commenters: In my experience, a top-
notch education is enormously valuable, and where you go to school very much
matters.

I applied for grad schools in math, my first choice was MIT. I was very
disappointed to be rejected. My second choice was Michigan, and I was very
disappointed to be rejected there too. My third choice was Stanford. Rejected.

My fourth choice was Wisconsin. I went there and it was an AWESOME experience.
They gave me as much as I could handle, and prepared me very well for the road
ahead.

I will disagree with other commenters and say that it is not "all for the
best". It probably would have been better if you got into Harvard. You really
did lose something, and you would be dishonest to yourself to pretend
otherwise.

But Plans B and C and D and E and F are also really incredible. I had the
amazing fortune to get a three year postdoc at Stanford (a "postdoc" is a
short-term job you can get right after you get a Ph.D.) and worked with some
of the best mathematicians in the world. Stanford is a top-notch place. Apply
there.

Apply to MIT. Caltech. Princeton. Rice. Brown. Harvey Mudd. Deep Springs.
Apply to the state school in your state. State schools vary highly in quality,
but some of them (Michigan, Wisconsin, Berkeley, UNC, and others) are really
top notch.

Apply to any school that piques your interest. Or, consider doing something
else for a year before returning to school, if that's your cup of tea.

You still should be selective and aim as high as you can, but know there are a
huge number of wonderful universities out there offering mind-blowing
educations.

If you're prepared for periodic disappointments, then you need fear nothing
and the world is yours! There are so many opportunities out there which are
still available to you. What an awesome fact to contemplate. I wish you good
luck.

~~~
viraj_shah
I certainly don't disagree that going to a good school is valuable. My only
statement is that it is not so important to place such a strong emphasis on
the name blindly. It helps in many ways and their programs are generally known
for something but I wouldn't discount the late-bloomer, super motivated kid
who went to a no name school and worked his ass off to get to where he wanted
to go. I would just take it in context. That's all.

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dnr
I remember this exact same feeling when I got rejected from what I thought was
my dream school at the time (MIT). I felt physically tired and just laid in
bed for several hours right after getting the news. It's a pretty natural
reaction to the situation.

The good part is that it does pass. Give it a few days or a week and you'll
wonder how you felt so bad now.

Also, this may be too obvious to need saying, but there are a number of other
schools where you can learn as much and make as many good connections as
Harvard, and it sounds like you're likely to get into at least one of them. In
my case, I ended up going somewhere where I'm pretty sure I had a better
overall experience than I would have at MIT. It's very possible the same will
be true for you.

------
bpc9
It's only been a few hours. Do whatever it is you do to relax / clear your
mind. Go for a run, listen to some music, etc.

Long term success has a great deal to do with how you respond to challenges or
failures along the way. Also, it's important to try for some perspective. It's
easy and tempting to view college admissions as a referendum on your worth as
an individual.

After all, for many folks it's a first chance to actively choose / be chosen
by a group, and the "start" of your independent adult life. But as much
enrichment and opportunity as any good school will provide, it's not going to
define who you are and what you do with your life.

That's up to you.

~~~
jellyksong
Did you make an account to say this? Thank you :)

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debacle
I got accepted into my dream school (MIT) and couldn't afford to go. Two sides
of the same coin, I suppose.

The reality is that you are who you are, and you are a person who was not
accepted in to Harvard. There are many other good and great schools that would
be happy to have you. While you will be missing out on a Harvard education, at
the right school you could do just as well, or better.

Don't let this discourage you. While it seems like a huge deal right now, in
ten years where you went to school is going to matter less than how passionate
you are about your work, who you decide to spend your life with, and where you
decide you want to be.

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viraj_shah
I think trying to convince you that where you to go school isn't as big of a
deal as you might think it is may be fruitless. Harvard is great nonetheless.
First and foremost you still have a shot of getting in, in April or whenever
you find out. Second and most importantly, examine why you really want to go
to school. Do you want to meet new people, study/experience academics, be
independent, or any linear combination thereof? If you want to school, I think
for more than just the name and the fact that it's the next step, finish your
applications. It can't hurt and you don't have to go if you don't want to. BUT
if you are feeling a lack of motivation because you're tired of school, the
rigid structure, or whatever it is, then don't feel like you have to step in
line. Many people, brilliant and not brilliant, have taken time off between
high school and college. I certainly wish I did. Whether this is the right
move or not is certainly particular to you and what you choose to do with your
time off. You can do great and wonderful things that school could never offer
but you have to be self-motivated. Good luck.

~~~
jellyksong
Thanks for the insightful comment! I don't really mind the structure of
school, and I think college will be even less "rigid" in terms what what I
learn or do.

------
dangrossman
What's your financial situation? Harvard costs about $58,000 a year. If you're
not absolutely sure you'll get a significant scholarship, you should finish
those other applications just to ensure you also get in somewhere you can
afford.

Right now, the unemployment plus underemployment rate for recent college
graduates is 53%. Quite a bit higher than the national unemployment rate.
$100-200k in student loans (which will cost closer to $300-400k to pay off
with interest) doesn't make it easy to get by even if you landed a great job.
A low-paying, risky startup job might not even be a realistic option once
you're saddled with debt.

This is the time to think about things like that -- what you can afford, how
you'll repay it, what kind of job you want when you get out, where you want to
work, whether the name recognition of an ivy league school matters to those
companies (and whether that's worth as much money as a small house versus
going somewhere cheaper), etc.

~~~
deservingend
Harvard has excellent financial aid.

~~~
akavi
To elaborate, from Harvard's financial aid website: "Beginning in the fall of
2012, this "zero contribution threshold" will be increased to $65,000.
Financial aid is available to all students based on assessed need. Beginning
with the class of 2016, families with incomes up to $150,000 will have an
average expected parent contribution of 10 percent or less of their income"

For _most_ people, going to Harvard would be cheaper than attending a state
university.

------
ameister14
I ended up going to my fourth choice. I actually got into my second choice
program but I'd have had to wait a year.

I had a great time, learned a lot and made tons of friends. If you're like me,
your second, third or fourth choice will still be an incredibly good school so
education and reputation won't be that big of a loss. Complete your other
applications.

It's a big blow the first time you realize the path you'd set out for yourself
won't, or in your case might not, happen. Get over it and it makes you a
stronger, better, more humble person. Believe me, it's not the greatest
disappointment you'll ever face.

As a side note, Harvard sent me the nicest rejection letter of any school.

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chatmasta
I go to Yale and I can assure you that Harvard sucks and is no fun. That
sounds like hyperbole but is surprisingly accurate. Harvard is teeming with
strangely elitist once-nerds who want to exclude you from their "finals club".
Apply to Yale. Everyone here is mad chill and if you got deferred from
Harvard, you probably have a pretty good chance of acceptance. So take the
application seriously. And who knows, maybe getting deferred from Harvard will
become the best moment of your life.

------
anayini
Was at one point in a similar situation. Went to a math and science high
school with the hopes of eventually going to Stanford or MIT. Instead, I ended
at my state school. As a senior looking back on college, I'm extremely
satisfied with my choice. I've had the opportunity to learn from some great
professors and have gotten a few internships at Google and a fulltime job at
Palantir from it.

Regardless of where you go you can always find great people and learn from
them.

------
andrewhillman
I was deferred as well when I was a HS senior but then after looking at the
total pool of applicants, MIT excepted me before the school year started. But
I pursued other options... went snowboarding in the NH mountains for the
winter months, it was a blast... then I reassessed my situation and selected
another school and spent 4.5 years having the time of my life. It's all good
mate! Have no fear, it will work out. Stay sane and push on.

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caffeinewriter
Read some Lifehacker. I've gotten a surprising amount of inspiration from
them. But for now, just focus on getting on with your life and apply again
next term. Or pull a Robert Zemeckis and call and give an "impassioned plea".
([https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Zemeckis#USC_education_...](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Zemeckis#USC_education_and_early_films))

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deservingend
Deferral is not rejection. Yeah, I know very few people get rejected outright
from EA, but I also know people at Harvard right now who were first deferred.

Care to share stats? Have you had your essays looked over by successful admits
or other strong applicants? Most teachers are useless for evaluating college
essays at top schools.

~~~
jellyksong
Kinda bursting my own bubble here but it's also extremely unlikely to be
accepted after being deferred -- even less than applying regular. I'd have to
do something extraordinary between now and April.

Also, at this point I think it's too late to edit my essays. Are you applying
as well?

~~~
deservingend
"it's also extremely unlikely to be accepted after being deferred" - What are
your sources on this?

I meant your essays for other applications.

I'm a recent college grad. I didn't apply to Harvard but did get into
Stanford, MIT, Princeton, etc. One thing you learn attending a top school and
actually meeting a large volume of admits is that the people who talked about
college admissions back in high school (on CollegeConfidential and elsewhere)
didn't know jack shit.

~~~
jellyksong
I believe that ~100 deferred applicants were accepted last year, out of the
deferred pool of 3,000 and the regular pool of 30,000.

Hm, what are some misconceptions then? What do you think they are looking for?

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hayksaakian
Just do what you really want to do.

If you want to go to Harvard for the piece of paper they give you at the end,
you're doing it wrong.

The relationships and skills you could build there are all within your grasp,
and are up to you to take advantage of.

Don't wait for a professor to deliver knowledge on a silver platter, go out
and grab it!

------
Mz
Long ago, in a galaxy far away: I was accepted to UGA (which is a big deal in
hicksville) with a National Merit Scholarship. I also was offered the chance
to apply for a fellowship, but I missed the deadline. (My dream college was
St. John's in New Mexico but I didn't have the foreign language classes to get
accepted.)

I went up to UGA by bus for orientation and wandered around on foot on a
Sunday trying to find something to eat while feeling awful. As the day wore
on, I felt worse and worse. By the end of the day, I just felt really dreadful
and I just wanted to leave. I called my sister who kindly drove up to get me.
I gave up my scholarship, attended a local college, married, dropped out of
school. I had kids and was a homemaker for a long time.

Many years later, after a lot more mysterious health issues, I was told I had
a deadly disorder. Looking back on it, had I gone to UGA (or St. John's) and
pursued a career, I likely would have died young, one of those headlines that
says something like "Promising youth dies mysteriously". The social isolation
of being home wth my kids likely helped me stay relatively healthy for longer.
My preference would have been "social butterfly". And it likely would have
helped to kill me.

I am not religious and I don't think you have to believe in some sort of god
to find a logical explanation for the detour I took. I didn't have a diagnosis
but I also didn't feel well that fateful day at orientation when I decided "I
just want to go home". So let me suggest that if you fail to get into Harvard,
perhaps the message is that it isn't the best fit for you. Forcing it might do
more harm than good.

I am more inclined these days to accept seeming roadblocks as constructive
feedback: Either step up my game so I can get past it without forcing it or
accept that it is probably for the best that I not go there. I suggest you get
cracking on something else. It would be a shame to let a lot of other doors
close because you wasted too much time on disappointment.

~~~
jpwright
What's the name of the disorder, if you don't mind me asking?

~~~
Mz
Atypical cystic fibrosis.

