
Accidentally Sexist - michaelrkn
http://www.epicodus.com/blog/accidentally-sexist
======
eimai134
I would call this more "accidentally realist" than "accidentally sexist." I
know for a fact that even though I am not a great coder (not a huge part of my
job currently) I could get hired over more qualified men because I'm female.
I've talked to women who know they got hired in tech because they are women,
not because of the skills/experience they have. I know women working current
jobs where it's obvious they are not qualified for the job they have (of
course, that happens with men too). I've had people at colleges tell me that
if only I wanted to do Computer Science I'd be guaranteed a scholarship
because I'm female, but there are not the same scholarships for me. All of
that, in my opinion, is very sexist against men.

------
teddyknox
> I was chatting with a friend of a friend the other day who mentioned she was
> thinking about taking Epicodus. Out loud, I said "Oh, that's awesome! I
> really hope you do it." But in my head, I was worried. What if she wasn't
> good at programming? What if she didn't do well in the class? What if she
> didn't get a job afterwards?

I have that feeling whenever I commend _anyone_ for planning to learn to code.
I don't know the specifics of this case, and whether the author would have
been unreservedly gung ho about a guy talking about his plans to learn to
code, but under the impulse to have faith in my empathetic capabilities, I
generally resist the author's thought process as a kind of self-indulgent
false modesty, rather than true insight. This might sound like a kind of "I'm
not racist, I'm xenophobic" reasoning, but as a lot of people on this forum
believe: learning to code is really hard and we shouldn't be so hard on
ourselves when we are skeptical of others' abilities to learn how to do it.

------
sokoloff
I (successful man in tech) was talking to successful woman in tech a few weeks
ago about her experiences and how I could better encourage my young son _and_
daughter and their peers to consider science/engineering as normal.

At one point in the story of her journey, she noted with pride, "That was the
_ballsiest_ thing I've ever done." Even after I pointed out her words, it took
her a second to realize what I was talking about.

It runs deep.

~~~
vezzy-fnord
To be honest, I'm not entirely sure if every use of language that can somehow
be etymologically linked to a questionable cultural norm is worth expunging.
Human languages are such that many expressions mutate to points where they
entirely shake off original meanings. For instance, in some Slavic languages
to this day it is perfectly normal and mundane to refer to Germans and the
German language as "nemci," which literally means "mute people". It might have
been intended derogatorily, but after centuries of use it has become neutered
and most people don't even realize the etymology, nor do they say the word
with any negative intent.

To tilt too much in the other direction is to preemptively assume the Sapir-
Whorf hypothesis as an objective reality, when it is nowhere near that strong.

~~~
ryandvm
I can't count the number of times in a public conversation I've heard people
say, "well maybe I'm just being anal." Gah. That isn't a homonym people. You
are literally referring to your asshole - or more precisely, a post-infantile
stage of your development in which you developed a predilection for holding
your shit in because you experienced conflict during toilet training. Which,
for the record, has pretty firmly been debunked as some of Freud's more
ridiculous "pop" science.

It drives me nuts, but I'm well aware of how deeply that idiom has sunk its
fangs into the English language. So I subconsciously roll my eyes and make a
little wish that we could come up with a better idiom for describing
fastidiousness and move on. Some things in life are not worth protesting...

~~~
dragonwriter
> I can't count the number of times in a public conversation I've heard people
> say, "well maybe I'm just being anal." Gah. That isn't a homonym people. You
> are literally referring to [...]

Er, no. I'm pretty sure most people using that phrase are _not_ using it
literally, and I don't think any honest listener ever confuses the usage for a
literal one.

------
lexcorvus
On the one hand, applying valid generalizations is not bias. On the other
hand, when dealing with individuals, one rarely has to rely on
generalizations. On the gripping hand [1], treating individuals fairly can
_look_ like bias when iterated over a large enough sample size.

The solution: be rigorous about treating individuals fairly, be willing to
apply valid generalizations _cautiously_ and _only when necessary_ , and
remember that seemingly biased results might simply be reflecting real
differences between groups. (This last point can be grokked by meditating, Zen
koan–like, on the question "Are women underrepresented in the NBA?"—a question
to which both the answers "yes" and "no" are defensible.)

[1]: [http://catb.org/jargon/html/O/on-the-gripping-
hand.html](http://catb.org/jargon/html/O/on-the-gripping-hand.html)

------
agentultra
By the title alone I was expecting a depressing post by a men's rights
activist about how terrible it is to be called out.

This post is not that! I was pleasantly surprised to find a post about someone
who is self-aware enough to realize that sexism exists, saying sexist things
is wrong, and that these things are so deeply ingrained in our society that
not everything we say or think is entirely unique: some of it is learned and
habitual.

Good first step, author! Now continue along and do something about it! We need
to redefine normal.

------
fuzzywalrus
Interesting, company I work for has had Epicodus interns, when interviewing
there were two women and two men that applied for my company for an
internship. Seemed like they're doing well to get women into to tech, as a
50/50 split is pretty unusual.

------
bigethan
Recognizing that you're accidentally/subliminally sexist or racist is good.
But you should also recognize that those have had an effect on the world, and
knowingly attone by spending some of your privilege. A sudden self awareness
that leads to just a blog post isn't really anything special. A sudden self
awareness that leads to action is meaningful.

(before I get asked "what was my action", I'm still trying to figure out how
to spend my privilege for others benefit in a way that's more than just
donating money to appropriate causes - which I already do. I'm not thinking
big enough yet.)

