
I took a risk leaving school and now I need help - bsho
HN has always been one of the first things I&#x27;ve checked when I woke up. I know there is an amazing amount of experience and intellect here.
4 years ago, I applied to Stanford as a direct result of reading (here) about getting out of our comfort zones. I was living in a Bureau of Indian Affairs dormitory for high school students when I got the news that I was accepted. This was a huge deal, because statistically I am part of a demographic the comprises the bottom 1% of the income spectrum here in America.
But I left Stanford after a year, partly because it was such a huge change, but also because I wanted see if I could succeed on reservation I grew up in (the Navajo Nation). I&#x27;m now 22, and I can say I used what little I had to try to make a difference.
I&#x27;ve made mistakes - one of which was lying to my peers about leaving because I wasn&#x27;t prepared for the change that Stanford demanded. Another was not asking for help when I needed to. And, finally, I didn&#x27;t pursue a regular job when my family demanded it. And now, I don&#x27;t know what to do.
I have about $20K in debt - student loans that have already been deferred, money I used to buy a computer (pretty much the only thing I own), and medical bills from a year of battling cancer. And, as of today, I had to get out of my step-parent&#x27;s house because it was not a good place for me to be anymore.
I am at a park in the next town over - a town that tends to be particularly disdainful of Native Americans wandering the streets. I don&#x27;t know what I am looking for here on HN. It&#x27;s always been a source of encouragement to me, especially in those times that I felt the most uncomfortable or hopeless. I&#x27;ve learned a lot for living on a reservation where the nearest IT-related job is 100 miles away - and it really is thanks to you.
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bdickason
My wife and I own a salon in New York City. We're looking for someone to help
work on our salon software which was built a few years ago in PHP. Do you know
how to code or have any inclination to learn? We could start with something
small - maybe $100/week to get you started while you learn and fix a few bugs,
then ramp up to a $30k or $40k/yr gig.

Not a ton, I know, but it would be a start :)

If you're interested, my e-mail is in my profile.

(Note: you don't have to be in NYC, just have an internet connection)

~~~
bsho
Wow, seriously!? This is great! I just got started learning how to use CakePHP
(PHP was my first love). I will definitely be in touch!

~~~
aniketpant
I have worked with quite some PHP frameworks in the past. Do tell me if I
could help you with anything at all!

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dlo
I would say go back to Stanford if that is an option. You'll grow a lot there.
I don't know what you mean by "change," but if you need pointers on how to
handle the schoolwork or on how to take advantage of the resources you would
have at your disposal, just let me know here and I'll get in touch.

~~~
bsho
I really do want to go back to Stanford. The change I was referring to was the
culture. There is so much brilliance in a place like that, and I was not
prepared (as someone that rode the school bus 4 hours a day for most of my
public schooling) for such a huge change. I owe Stanford tuition, though, so
that isn't an option until I can pay it off.

~~~
dlo
I would revisit this. Financial aid at Stanford is extremely generous... I was
a beneficiary myself. Someone in that office will help you figure this out. I
am still in the Bay Area, so if you need someone on the ground, let me know.

To be honest, your $20K loan sounds like an error. Alumni like myself do not
donate back to Stanford so that things like this happen.

EDIT: Added the final paragraph.

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aadamson
Yeah, I'm trying to think through how that could have happened in one year.

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ecualombian
We all make decisions and they guide us in different directions. I don't
really believe in a "right path". I'm not really sure what type of help you're
looking for. I was a once computer science major, now clinical social worker.
I work with people that have different stressors in their lives and are
learning how to live a life they feel good about. In most cases I find, even
with past horrific traumas, people are very resilient. So the little I'll
offer you right now is this. In my own journey of healing and getting my life
together, there is always a lot of noise. Things to "worry about" things to
"figure out". These often include career goals, life goals, etcetera. I have
found often that much of my energy has been wasted on things that have not yet
come to pass. The future stuff that I'm not quite ready for in that moment
anyway. Of course plans are important, but in terms of getting "help now",
often we overlook or neglect our day to day basic needs for loose ill defined
hopes. It's not these things are not important, its just we very likely are
not yet ready to hold ourselves up with enough firm ground to withstand the
tremendous amount of unknown that entertaining such things requires. With that
said, Maslow's hierarchy is a helpful frame to start from in any trying times.
You'll find that when you consistently knock out a 100% of your basic needs
(healthy food, shelter, meaningful relationships, meaningful daily activities,
etc.), you'll start naturally taking on bigger things. You must be a smart guy
if you got into Stanford. Something the pressure of a "name school" has more
baggage than its worth. I know what that's like. I once went to a "name
school" and found that I spent just as much energy on deflecting the image of
what it meant to goto a place highly regarded and what that meant to the world
around me - as I did on just trying to survive the experience. With that said,
an important step for me, was to forget and let go of that image and build a
real foundation of self-respect and confidence in myself that I felt. Once you
tap into that, and you spend the time defining what YOU want to do, not what
the world wants you to do - then you will begin to let the important things in
and you will get better at passing on the distractions. I'm still learning how
to do this. I graduated from my undergrad a decade ago. I've changed my
career, felt lost, loved and lost multiple times, and am better for it. I hope
you find some inspiration for yourself in these words.

~~~
bsho
I want to have enough stability to go back to school and to be in a place
where I can explore technology and create amazing stuff. I beat cancer, my
work has been featured in the newspaper, I've helped people by connecting via
technology, and I've generally done what has made me happy. But there are
genuine cultural differences between me and my (Caucasian) step-father that I
finally decided to leave behind. I have looked after my mentally-disabled
step-brother for a long time, and I am sad that I had to leave him behind.
Right now, I am worried that I won't have a bed to sleep on anymore. But, I
did manage to apply with a local startup (I got amazingly lucky) and I will
see them on Monday. I feel I am starting to focus more on myself - which is
something that resonated with me in your reply. Thank you for offering
perspective.

~~~
ecualombian
It sounds like you're noticing important cultural differences and have had a
history of heavy responsibility. Best tomorrow, and remember, any decision you
make isn't the last or the defining one...those labels generally come after
something has passed. You always have choices in front of you. They will
likely never be what you have envisioned exactly but they are indeed the ones
in front of you. Letting go of the image we've envisioned and embracing what's
in front of us I think is one of the hardest things to do in life. Take good
care.

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damonpace
I grew up in Navajo County(Holbrook & Snowflake) and now live in Downtown Palo
Alto. I understand the drastic change you've experienced more than anyone on
HN. These Ivy league pricks have no idea. No matter what you do...don't give
up. Learn as much as you can and keep growing. I went to ASU and when I was
your age I went through a similar experience. All you can do is keep
innovating, keep learning and find a support structure. AZ is not known for
that...not even in Phoenix. Get out of Tuba City or wherever you are. The rez
is not for driven people. I have some Navajo friends in SV if you need help.
Reach out...there are always options.

~~~
santaclaus
Nitpick... Stanford is not an Ivy, but instead part of the Pac-12.

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aadamson
I'm an undergrad at Stanford right now, and my understanding is that they do
everything they can to meet demonstrated need. I could be wrong, but I think
nearly all student loans (public and private) can be deferred indefinitely
while you're in school. I'm not sure what you plan on studying. There are many
fields that can put you in a position to pay your loans off rather easily,
given that you put in the sweat. Is there anything else stopping you from
coming back? The finances seem to work if you want them to.

~~~
bsho
Leaving mid-term was the big mistake here. I didn't understand how outside
scholarships would be cancelled. There was a balance on my student account for
the longest time that is now in collections. But other debts are simply
medical related. It was a daily 100 mile round trip during therapy, and I let
things get off track while I was getting treatment. At the time, it was the
only thing I felt I could do.

~~~
aadamson
Oh wow, my bad, I completely let the fact that you overcame cancer slip.
Again, while I've never been in the position to have to learn if this was
actually the case, I think fin aid would find some way to accommodate you.
You're probably aware of this, but the NA community has grown here a lot in
the last few years. Sherman Alexie came and gave a talk in Cubberley this past
year.

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partisan
I hope you have found someplace safe to lay your head. I went through a very
similar situation as you, attending an ivy league university only to find
myself overwhelmed, unhappy, and feeling like there was no one I could relate
to, culturally, due to growing up as part of a marginalized group in the very
same city I attended university. I was as depressed as I ever was in my life
and spent days locked in my dorm room with the shades shut and considering the
most horrible options because my life was over as I saw it.

It's amazing to me to think that was 15 years ago because life has a funny way
of going on. One of the most valuable traits you have already discovered, due
to your battle with cancer, is your resilience. You will adapt, learn, and
grow from your experiences.

Here is how I found my way out of the situation: with the help of my family, I
transferred to a public college, worlds (but only blocks) away from where I
was previously. I re-invented myself enough to succeed and have a meaningful
career thus far and continue dreaming for better.

I recommend that you apply to a school like this, one with a somewhat decent
computer science program, but one you can handle and possibly work a job to
keep your debt low. Be the best student there and rebuild your confidence.
Graduate and get on with life. Most importantly, do not look back with regret
because each decision you made was simply a step to where you are now and only
a step towards where you will be tomorrow.

~~~
bsho
I have definitely reworked my short-term plans, and I've set aside the long-
term hopes to focus on getting into a local community college. With $1K
tuition rates, it's a huge difference from Stanford, but I'm still trying to
work out how get in before the term starts. The past few days have been a
rollercoaster, and I'm glad I waited the lowest parts out because I feel a lot
better. Thank you for finding this thread and sharing - it helps!

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WoodenChair
It sounds like you've already had an incredible journey. You made hard
decisions (leaving your home multiple times including just now), and you
fought incredibly difficult battles (against cancer, maybe cultural ones as
well). Now, your next move is a little more mundane. The most dramatic
decisions are actually behind you I think - now you just need to decide to
succeed through perseverance. That probably means getting a college degree
(hopefully back at Stanford, but if somewhere else, so be it) while working
nights to pay down your debt. Like everything else you've been through, it
won't be easy, but it's a clear path with direction.

~~~
bsho
This is reassuring to read. There aren't a lot of people around me that I can
relate to, so when it comes to the situation I'm in, I guess I panicked a
little because I'm actually on the streets now. I have a few cents in my bank
account, but I am hopeful as ever. Thank you

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joeclark77
Well, I know there are tech jobs such as web development here in Phoenix, AZ,
but if you want to stay in the Navajo Nation then I don't know how to help
you. I've been in Arizona for a year now and I hope I'll have a chance to get
involved with some of the Indian communities around here, one way or another,
but it hasn't happened yet.

For what it's worth, I'll tell you that sometimes, hitting "rock bottom" can
be good for you. I bet you're pretty motivated now not to go further in debt,
and not to waste your next opportunity! Lucky for you that you get to start
over at such a young age. Find a way to dig yourself out of this hole.

~~~
spydertennis
Yeah, he is lucky.

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zo1
My best suggestion is to go back home. I'm sure you still have friends, and
family that have some smidgeon of care for you. Rather than going it alone, as
others have said, you need a support structure.

I know it can be tough, but suck it up (in terms of the family situation). And
while you're there, take some of the remote gigs that I see the HNers here
offering to give you. Until you can stand on your own two feet, and then you
have to leave and _remove yourself from abusive relationships_ (which it
sounds like from what you wrote). But until you can do that safely, you're
just shooting yourself in the foot.

~~~
bsho
The thing about going back to my reservation home (the one that is offering a
place to stay) is that there is absolutely no internet available. So, I've
chosen to suck this up. Last year I did a 500+ mile walk, before I started
heavy therapy, and I camped out every night. It's almost the same. For the
time being, I'm happier. I've already had 2 interviews and applied wherever I
could for work. But the home I just left - no. I left that place for good.

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k-mcgrady
If things are that bad and you don't want to go back to school your immediate
concern should be a job. Forget about an IT job - you aren't in a position to
choose the job you want. Apply to everything and anything that has an open
position. At least that will help you get back on your feet.

~~~
bsho
Advice taken. I've already had 2 interviews, and I'm still applying around
town.

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pecanpie
OP, I've been in your shoes, or at least similar ones. At Stanford, and out of
it, years ago. I wish I'd had someone like my current self to talk to back
then. PM me if you'd like to talk. There are no saviors, but you're not alone,
and it gets better. Anonyfish: satnightfever.

~~~
bsho
Thank you - I know what you mean by 'there are no saviors'. Hoping for one is
tiring.

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JSeymourATL
The good news, there is a hack to your problems. Here's some practical advice
on getting out of debt, budgeting, and focusing on your career>
[http://www.daveramsey.com/category/tools/](http://www.daveramsey.com/category/tools/)

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huyoagonop
Go back to Stanford. It's the best university in the world and the fin aid is
great.

~~~
peteretep

        > It's the best university in the world
    

Source?

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schmoofer
Byron, if you need a place to stay in the Los Angeles area, shoot me an email.
I'd be more than happy to help you get back on your feet.

~~~
bsho
Thanks! I'm getting situated here slowly, but I'll follow up with you if I
decide to get out of AZ.

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zaqokm
Do people use paragraphs anymore ?

