
Ask HN: How to deal with family not supportive of you doing a startup? - panicocats
Currently working on a startup with a few people and building the MVP before doing a demo here in Germany.<p>work schedule is very sporadic, sometimes I need to wait for my business partners to complete or arrange things, chase people down for a meeting etc. Then as feedback comes in incremental changes are made to the MVP.<p>I&#x27;ve explained that this is an opportunity for me to invest my time to turn it into something big. I&#x27;ve even outlined a deadline.<p>No matter how many times I explain they are just not buying it. A week will come around and they will say that I&#x27;m wasting my life, that I&#x27;m being exploited, that money today is worth than money in the future and I shouldn&#x27;t be blindly gambling it away.<p>They are constantly asking me to find a part time job but I&#x27;m afraid to take on other coding work because of IP concerns, and that it will burn me out. I really don&#x27;t want to end up in a situation where I&#x27;ve been doing side work and suddenly cannot put as much diligence into my current startup opportunity.<p>I&#x27;ve thought about taking physical labor jobs part time but because the schedule is sporadic (sometimes we need to meet with investors out of the blue) I don&#x27;t know if it&#x27;s the wise thing to do.<p>Regardless, my family has grown very hostile. It is true, I may well be homeless if it isn&#x27;t for them. I&#x27;m giving it all but even after a good week it all seems to feel like shit when they are constantly nagging and reminding me that I&#x27;m once again throwing my life away on betting something uncertain.<p>I just feel like I&#x27;m the crazy one. I see it as a investment. I put in my time and I get back reward. However, my family can&#x27;t seem to fathom this very idea (they are all about safety nets, stable jobs, work from 9-5pm get paid by the hour etc). No matter how many times I explain that whether I succeed or not, I&#x27;m confident it will lead to other opportunities from the connections I make.<p>Thank you.
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wayclever
In general, if it's my experience that German citizens are very fiscally
conservative. Now you may disagree with your family, and they may feel
obligated to persevere in their duty to prevent or minimize any adverse
consequences that result from your naivete, or willful ignorance. Pay
attention to the following story... And the lesson you need to learn.

Bill Gates and Paul Allen were negotiating how to split the founder's stock
for their new company, Microsoft. Gates argued that Allen had a part time
consulting job so he, Gates, ought to receive a majority of the shares. ALLEN
RELENTED agreeing to a 60/40 split favoring Gates. They signed their agreement
and all the necessary paperwork, and the next day Gates went out and landed a
CONSULTING GIG much like Allen had!

The lesson is this... Don't be the dumbass who gets played. Be the smart ass
who wins without taking unnecessary risks.

If you're serious, and you're smart, you will maximize your upside and
minimize your downside. You might have to become more efficient, seriously
committed to your success, and less concerned about your ability to work at a
level you have never before attained. Admit that to your family and let them
know you're going to do it m.. And that you will require their support. As you
may at times cry like you're a 6 year old boy. Your parents will support you,
as long as you're not being a dumb ass.

Be a smart-ass and your family won't hassle you nearly as much. Heck, they
might even start to offer to contribute... Time, resources, effort. But that's
only if you really start to figure your shit out.

Peace Out.

Kenneth

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coreyp_1
This is a hard one. If you are relying on them for financial support, then
they have every right to complain. The answer, then, is to not rely on them
for financial support, because then you can tell them that you are making the
best decision for yourself.

I suggest that you take a job so that you are self-sufficient, and schedule
around that. Your time is valuable, too, and if you adopt the "I can meet
anytime" philosophy, then that means that none of your time is particularly
valuable. Provide for yourself and DO NOT apologize for it.

Your goals are not your family's goals. Accept that, and figure out how to
live with this mismatch, otherwise you will only be miserable.

For what it's worth, I commend you for taking the chance, and I hope it works
out.

Good luck!

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eswat
> It is true, I may well be homeless if it isn't for them.

It sounds like you may not be truly financially independent from your family?
If they're giving you resources like money, food or shelter then you need to
double down on convincing them this is the right path, because they're not
totally in the wrong of asking demands in such a case.

Is there no way for you to do some kind of consulting work while doing this?
If you can find a client that's not picky about when you work exactly it
should gel well with your sporadic schedule. Assuming your family is still
giving you resources your second goal should be to become independent enough
so you can make your own decisions and not be tethered to their opinions as
much.

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kafkaesq
_It is true, I may well be homeless if it isn 't for them._

Like they say in your country: _Da liegt der Knackpunkt._

If you were at least nominally independent financially -- you would have every
right to remind them that you're an adult, and to tell them to buzz off --
provided you don't see yourself running into debt and perhaps needing their
help some day.

But since it seems you are quite dependent on them financially, to some
degree, at least in the short run -- then you have very "bad cards" in this
regard.

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internaut
I'd advise you to take the long view. I'm familiar with the culture you
describe.

As I'm sure you're aware opportunities are not distributed linearly. However
most of those opportunities are better exploited with the gradual accumulation
of skills and domain knowledge.

I echo coreyp's advice: get a part time job. As long as you can pay for food
and shelter the rest of the hours in a day are yours.

