
Is an Open Marriage a Happier Marriage? - fmihaila
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/magazine/is-an-open-marriage-a-happier-marriage.html
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axaxs
No. It's hardly a marriage at all at that point.

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fapjacks
I hold no position on this subject, but.... The benefits of a two-parent home
life for growing children are well understood. If two people with children are
no longer in love -- which is probably the rule instead of the exception --
does that mean the two parents must be and remain miserable solely for the
sake of their children, if being in an open relationship changes the nature of
their relationship and the level of happiness of their lives, and allows them
some reprieve from the misery? Why or why not?

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axaxs
I am more conservative than most, especially in the tech community, but I do
keep an open mind and try to respect others opinions...hope you could do the
same.

I first believe you shouldn't vow your life to someone if you have no
intention on doing so. Sickness and in health...being depressed or miserable
could be seen as a sickness. Relationships are hard, really hard. It's human
nature to fall into habits and get bored. Relationships, and marriage, are
work and should always be seen as such. It would be nice if we could always
have the first month high, but it fades, and after a time becomes work. But
marriage is after this typically, and should be seen as a commitment to keep
each other happy and keep trying. You, at some point at least, cared so much
for this person you pledged your life to them. Stop being complacent and
rekindle that.

I also understand people change. Whether it's age, wisdom, hormones, etc, it
happens. And in some cases more people may develop disorders that lead to an
abusive relationship, sadly. While I think people should always try their
hardest, divorce is always an option. It's sad, but it is what it is.

Too many people I think just internalize their feelings which causes
resentment. I'm guilty of that, and make a conscious effort not to be anymore.
In a relationship you need to be effectively...a whiny baby. If something
bothers you, cry about it... figuratively. Solve it. But this is our nature
and it leads to strangers in our homes that we knew 10 years prior.

Open marriage is having a roommate and a f* buddy. It's not a marriage. Sorry
for the long rant, but I find open marriages distasteful and disrespectful to
both the members and the institution of marriage. I'll step off my soap box
now.

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uoaei
I am currently dating someone who is in an open marriage. To be honest I don't
know much about their home life, but they don't have kids and are still kind
of settling down, finding their way.

She is happy in general, and has exposed to me no complaints about her
situation in life, aside from money.

The pursuit of such an arrangement in her case is about really involving
oneself in the life of another person, much like typical relationships you see
today. She's a self-described humanist. Others may use it purely as a sexual
outlet, but from the polyamorous/nonmonogomous people I've spoken to, this is
rarely the case.

I wonder occasionally if our situation is a way to hedge against those moments
in marriage where things become a little more difficult. She obviously has
more than enough love to give for both of us (and whomever else she may be
seeing) but of course sometimes even those who give most can become strained.
Likewise if things get "boring" or "monotonous", she can simply seek a new
partner that stimulates her. Being cute and petite means she has the luxury of
having a choice with relatively little effort. Tinder in a big city means she
has a large pool to choose from.

As a form of having new and invigorating experiences with interesting human
beings, open relationships seem to provide everything you need with few
restrictions. At the same time, in such a commitment as marriage, one has to
wonder if it can turn into a form of escapism if left unchecked.

I am curious if this trend has the potential to dissolve the current marriage
trope as we know it into something more fluid. Nation-states still incentivize
it with tax breaks because close-knit families have more kids, but there are
likewise factors (like financial instability) that influence marriage rates in
the other direction.[1]

[1]
[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2016/06/06/wh...](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2016/06/06/why-
are-millennials-putting-off-marriage-let-me-count-the-ways/)

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kneel
I hope one day that my problems are so trivial that an open marriage is
something I could even consider.

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twelve40
I honestly don't think this article should have been flagged. First, say what
you want, but it is an out-of-the-box way to look at the daily, decades-long
drag - "hacking" it in a sense. Second, if you disagree and are, say, of the
opinion that these people just fuck around due to boredom and lack of
productive things to do (I don't think so, but it's possible), even then the
topic is interesting to explore. Especially to tech-bent people like myself
who rarely venture outside of day-to-day topics.

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mdekkers
Open Marriage? Comes across as "Elizabeth" is cheating, and using her
partners' previous dissatisfaction to justify her own behavior. I'm all for
whatever works for peoples' relationships, but the particular example in the
article about specifically these two people leaves me with the distinct
feeling Elizabeth is a raging hypocrite.

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thatswrong0
That's a big problem I have with the article - there was way too much
attention paid to a shaky example of an open marriage. "Elizabeth" seemed to
be emotionally cheating on her husband and then "opened" the marriage to
rationalize it. "Daniel" says their marriage is better for it, but I have my
doubts about whether he's happy about it or is just trying to cling to it. And
they've only been "open" since 2016.. not nearly long enough IMO to garner too
much meaning from their arrangement, let alone have most of an article devoted
to it. The couple with children and open since 2011 was far more compelling.

I do appreciate the author's honesty about their feelings toward the subject
though. I think the subject is interesting and challenging (in a good way) to
fundamental assumptions about marriage. But I do wish more attention was paid
to other, longer-lasting examples.

