
Ask HN: I think I need serious help for self development. Any advice? - checkmt
I work for a company in bay area who has pretty good tech stack. Company is around for 10+ years now and job is okay. However, lately I have got into bad habit of working 12+ hours.  Unfortunately I am not making any progress as well. It is just same issue and same task going over and over again.<p>I just keep planning without any action. This year I decided that I will work on a side project. So far I have only purchased domain and made zero progress beyond it.<p>I also want to learn machine learning,  scala and bunch of other stuff. How do I do that?
Travel in bay area takes daily 2 hrs out of my life. 
I am also looking to date a girl but I can&#x27;t find time and motivation to log in to online account and send cheesy messages.<p>I feel bad because I am not making any progress and because I feel bad I don&#x27;t make any progress.<p>I go to gym at least 3 times a week and do some light exercise.  I am not obese.<p>Did anyone suffer from such dilemma ? How do you become go getter and someone who is just outstanding or above average ?
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kennethkl
Your goals sound too large. Start small. Reminds me of a saying my grandmother
used to say, when we took walks. "One step in front of the other, over leaves,
past trees, and over bridges"

The method I use to get stuff done:

1\. Keep in mind an overarching goal; usually something simple and easy to do,
but big enough to be a goal. For example, make a humidifier sensor that
reports room humidity to a server. 2\. Write down small tasks on sticky notes.
Very very small. So small, they are easily achievable. 3\. Place these sticky
notes where you will notice. i.e partly over your monitor. 4\. When you've
finished a task, throw the stupid sticky in the garbage. 5\. Rinse and repeat.

Becomes kinda fun.

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nostrademons
See a therapist. They're trained for this, and you develop a weekly
relationship with them where they can help you enact long-term change. Most
normal employer-provided health insurance will cover (although with everyone
seemingly moving to high-deductible plans, some are starting to drop
coverage).

You could get into all sorts of complex psychological reasons, but basically
you need to learn how to set boundaries so your employer doesn't bleed you
dry, and then decide what _you_ want out of your life and break it down into
manageable goals that you can fit into your life.

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a3n
Think about leaving the bay area, work for some BigCo or MediumCo that you
don't care about, do an excellent job from 8 to 4, then go home and think
about nothing but what you want to learn and do.

Do that for a year or two, then go wherever you can amplify what you've
discovered about yourself.

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kaushikt
I've been in this situation. I remember i had switched jobs and that really
helped me. My current job doesn't have much pressure but we are working on
building so many awesome things.

With that said, you should Work From Home more. One room at home should
specifically be for Work. That would definitely help.

At this point in time, i'm really excited and full of energy and one of the
reasons being i want to push myself to create something awesome because so
many awesome people around me are.

I moved in with my girlfriend a few months and she is very understanding of
how work takes over me once in a while, not everyday.

I don't see a therapist. I start exercising more often. Pick a sport. Have a
strict to-do for myself. Watch motivational movies. Go out more often.

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brudgers
Learning machine learning, scala and other stuff is just learning those
things. It may be progress, it may not be progress.

Progress depends entirely on what a person is progressing toward. Twelve hour
days may be a better way to progress in a certain type of career than learning
Haskell and yet learning-you-a-Haskell can still be a great good.

For me, there is an endless stream of programming stuff and computer science
stuff that I might learn[including machine learning and Scala]. It's all
interesting to some greater or lesser degree. There are also libraries and
bookstores full of literature that is all interesting for some definition of
"interesting"...I've recently been meaning to reread _The Sound and the Fury_
maybe when I've got the time I will, but maybe not.

If I were to offer random advice from the internet, pick "side projects" [my
resolution this year is to consider them hobbies] that are accessible. This
means few dependencies. Part of what made Scala less accessible for me was
it's dependencies on the JVM, an IDE, and SBT when I participated in Odersky's
course on Coursera. Part of what made machine learning via Ng's Coursera
course difficult was catching up on the maths and the many parts of my life
that matter more than learning machine learning.

My solution to the problem of too many shiny things to distract me has been to
look at what I actually do and use: Linux, Emacs, and writing...and maybe some
photography to get me out of the house. They are all low friction to slide in
and out of. They are all about as easy as getting up from this chair and
reaching for the camera on the desk. They also boundless space for scratching
my curiosity.

Anyway, I don't know if any of that helps and it's more than enough about me,
but one last thing...I've known Greg since about 1979 and he was giving me Vi
when I mentioned Emacs and one of his comments was "I know I'll never be a
programmer." But he's playing his Strat on a stage in public more now than he
did thirty years ago and happier doing so..and if that's not progress it will
do until progress shows up.

Good luck.

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richerlariviere
You should try yoga. It will help you to lower your stress level and you will
be able to think about what comes next. Sometimes the solution is to step
back. It worked for me.

