
Ask HN: How do you know if you're just not cut out for software engineering? - dslr_33
Hi HN,<p>I&#x27;m having a personal crisis,trying to figure out if software engineering is for me or if I&#x27;ve been sticking with it due to golden handcuffs.<p>I come from a non-traditional engineering background (though related to computer science). It was a program I sort of fell into and enjoyed enough to stick with for four years.<p>I&#x27;ve been out of school, in industry, for almost 5 years. I&#x27;ve had the luxury of working for a medium-sized org, as well as a startup, and have shipped a handful of products.<p>The problem is, I&#x27;m not engaged while at work. I find myself zoning off, 1000-yard-stare-style. I am tired or disinterested in the work going on around me -- both in the larger org, as well as on my team and even my own work.<p>This was the reason I left the larger org for a startup, hoping to find a place where I felt more engaged. Yet, the feelings persist. I&#x27;m apathetic about the problems of my company as well as the technical problems we have to resolve. Some of my coworkers seem to revel in it, and obsess over the latest industry happenings and what not. Meanwhile, I&#x27;m glancing at the clock, waiting for 6PM so I can go home.<p>I should note here that I always hit my deadlines, so I&#x27;m not dead weight on the team. I just don&#x27;t.. care that much about it.<p>Now, I&#x27;m trying to determine if this is a case of a poor company fit, a case of &quot;golden handcuffs&quot;, or something else. Salary is a big motivator for me and I&#x27;ve been fortunate in that department. Yet I also don&#x27;t have the drive to tackle side projects and my own things outside of work. I&#x27;ll learn what&#x27;s required to get the job done. But at the end of the day I&#x27;m not learning for fun or working on a side-hustle. I leave work at work.<p>Could this be indicative of software engineering not being right for me? It&#x27;s the only field I&#x27;ve ever considered pursuing, and I don&#x27;t have anything else pulling me.
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sky_projektor
Something similar happens to me everytime I get into a job & later, in a
couple months time, I have to quit. I have found that the remote way of work
suits me, but have not been succesful in gaining financial independence from
such jobs. My problem, I guess is stress & some type of bleakness/hopelessness
that develops from continuing at the job that I engage myself in. I have
absolutely no issues with co workers or with the companies, but with time, I
start losing all kind of hope from the job & in my future. I dont know if this
only happens with me or anyone else but somewhere I feel that I am not built
for 'jobs' like everyone does!

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techjuice
If you do not see things getting better in less than a year and you cannot
mentally stand being there it is better to get out early and find some bigger
golden handcuffs. If you are a great engineer there is a ton of money waiting
for you at other companies, especially the closer to Silicon Valley you get.

If you stay just for the money, you will mentally and technology wise suffer
in the long term as you loose your drive, motivation and willingness to keep
improving your skills and capabilities in software engineering. You will soon
find yourself not caring about the work at all (hard to get out of bed and go
to work), will not find much to talk about with coworkers (conversations will
get shorter and have less content, just smaller and smaller small talk) and
worse you will no longer be getting anything out of being there, barely
contribute and your growth as an engineer will stop.

One thing many people do not think about when just working for the golden
parachute is how not being engaged, growing and having fun affects your
overall mental health. Your mental health is the most important thing you can
maintain, once that is gone, any money you had or have coming will be blown
through trying to get your mental problems fixed in and out of different
levels of professional help options. Plus, you will no longer be able to have
fun outside of work because you would be too drained mentally to do anything
else which will start to affect your after work social activities.

This will eventually take a toll on your physical health too, and may put you
in a state to where you are just too tired to look for something new and just
stay where you are for the next 30+ years where you are no longer growing and
challenging yourself.

From those above situations are from personal experience with previous/current
coworkers, friends and family. The bulk of people that just stayed where they
were and did not look for more fun and engaging work opportunities or start
their own business to have more control of their software engineering
physically look horrible. To those outside (friends, family, coworkers) you
will eventually sound like a broken record of failed I want or should do x,y,z
instead of someone that tried to do something new to better themselves work
wise to improve.

Just remember if you find yourself asking yourself that same question over and
over again, but are actually doing good at the job it is normally just a case
of not being challenged enough at work and it is no longer fun and time to
upgrade to a newer more challenging job.

~~~
dslr_33
Thank you for the reply.

>You will soon find yourself not caring about the work at all (hard to get out
of bed and go to work), will not find much to talk about with coworkers
(conversations will get shorter and have less content, just smaller and
smaller small talk) and worse you will no longer be getting anything out of
being there, barely contribute and your growth as an engineer will stop.

This somewhat summarizes how I've been feeling the past 6-8 months or so. Not
quite this extreme, but in the same vein.

It doesn't help that my social life hasn't been the greatest. I relocated to a
major city for the career opportunities, but in doing so alienated myself from
my friends and family on the opposite coast. I find I'm quite tired all the
time, and generally apathetic towards most things.

I am doing good at my job, and all my performance reviews have been very
positive. Yet it's unclear if they're positive due to my direct contributions,
or the general performance of my (high-performing) team.

>you will eventually sound like a broken record of failed I want or should do
x,y,z instead of someone that tried to do something new to better themselves
work wise to improve.

This is a fear of mine, but the problem is I don't have any value to assign to
x, y, or z. Part of me wants to start a startup, but I have no brilliant idea,
no investment connections and no experience with anything other than software
engineering. I'm also unsure if this is a desire to have a more flexible
lifestyle or if I actually want to do a startup.

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rjplatte
I think this is a sign of good work-life balance—something not common in
software-related fields. Sounds like you're competent and are doing good
boring work. Lots of people would kill to be where you are.

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10xRich
Hmm golden handcuffs...

It seems like you feel the work you do, should always be engaging.

What would you do if someone paid you a meager salary to follow what's
interesting to you?

