
Ask HN: Help (no life thread) - burnerAddress
Hello all, I made this burner acc on HN to try and ask people without showing exactly who I am.<p>So in short, I am going down the hill, I am starting to loose interest in almost anything but sitting and staring at the wall.<p>Now I am in this state in which nothing really interests me, I do not cook anymore, I do not go to the gym, hell if I leave my flat..<p>What is wrong with me?<p>I am a 26 year old, have been working in web dev since 19 trying to make a startup for the past 2-3 years, but I fail to see any progress. I just do not know how this life thing works!
I have ambitions, I do not want to remain in a 40-60k job (this is Europe) for the rest of my life, but through my work experience I was always seen as the young one and given no choice but to quit and get a new job in order to advance a bit further.<p>On the other side, I have made 3-4 projects, first solo and then with other people and all turned to ashes. I understand that the chances are incredibly low, but I cannot even find people that want to try and make something. It is literally insane, I have this feeling that I cannot find the people that I should be working with, either in a company or for a startup.<p>I used to work in 3 companies in Berlin and people were 9-5 and thats it. I had to keep on going to my bosses and ask for more work, more difficulty etc and when they all failed to deliver it, I quit.<p>I finally found out what I am actually good at. I consume a problem, find the solution, apply it and move on. If I dont do that constantly I get bored, but not like &quot;oh this again?&quot; I can handle this, but please! if you see the same thing over and over again let me automate it!<p>In my first work, I told them lets automate the provisioning and hibernation of our QA servers and save 2-3k per month. I got a no..<p>I could go on forever.. is this a normal thing?
======
rl3
It sounds like you're depressed. Apathy or lack of interest in things is a
common trait of depression.

Start cooking again, get back into exercising. They may seem pointless to you
right now, but their purpose is twofold:

1) Your mental health is connected to your physical health. Maintaining good
physical health is a way to bootstrap your mental health.

2) Doing so will constitute a series of small wins. Small wins serve as a
sense of accomplishment that tend to self-reinforce, which will only motivate
you further.

Beyond that, try to pinpoint the source of your unhappiness and take measures
to negate it such that you're happy. The reason I say "negate" and not "fix"
is because reality sometimes doesn't allow you to immediately fix things, only
to negate them.

Going by your post, it seems you have a lot of dissatisfaction with your
career and are possibly experiencing burnout, or perhaps simply boredom.

Some people view work as a means to an end and compartment it as such, with
all the suck it entails. Others seek fulfillment in part via their work, and
as such let work have a high impact upon their emotional well-being. There's
no right or wrong answer here as to what approach is better, only what's
better for you given your current constraints and situation.

Start being social again, find a hobby you enjoy, anything really to break the
cycle you're in. Small wins build upon each other.

If you square away your personal life, you'll be in a much better position to
introspect and improve your professional life. The converse might be true, but
you definitely have far more control over the former.

------
p0d
I am old enough to be your Father. If you were my son or daughter I would say
give yourself a break. I would also say don’t think that 2% of success stories
you read about on hacker news are most people’s experience. I would say give
up trying to be right all the time with your colleagues, it will exasperate
them. I would say find a boy or a girl who adores you and is also happy to get
in your face when you are being a pain. I would say you’ve got tech skills
other’s don’t have, well done. I would say if your ambitions are just about
money you will be dissapointed. I would say if someone says you can achieve
anything you want they are trying to sell you something. Then I would take you
for a walk as life has taught me it’s good to walk when you are anxious.

------
Kagerjay
I think you associate life with work too much. You should probably take a
vacation, and get a hard look at yourself what you want to achieve in life.

The way I understand it is you want to be recognized for the work you put in,
but shit happens. You want stuff done, but others don't see the same way. You
might just not be seeing things from their perspective. You seem to have a
very opinionated view of what your life should be. Maybe these opinionated
views stem from what others, (friends family coworkers, society etc) expect.

What are your expectations? I wouldn't be surprised if you are having an
identity crisis right now either or some form of delusions of grandeur. A
company at the end of the day is just a company. Its not your sole identity
and being.

If you walk in a room full of random people, and the first thing you introduce
about yourself is how you work for XYZ company and only talk about all the
great things at XYZ, then this is a pretty good indicator. Think FORD (Family,
occupation, recreation, dreams). You only seem to be talking about occupation
nothing else, thats 1/4 of what defines you

Related article I wrote in this hackernews post about lack of motivation

[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17695868](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17695868)

and knowledge worth knowing

[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17740743](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17740743)

------
teayc
As a person who recently felt the same way as you, what helped me was
recognizing that there's nothing "wrong" with you and you shouldn't feel that
it is your fault.

I don't mean to sound presumptuous, but I'm going to make a few assumptions...

You sound highly ambitious and you want to achieve more, but maybe you feel
the world isn't letting you achieve your full potential. You might feel lost
or unsure what to do next. And this prolonged state of unsureness and your
experience with your bosses has demoralized you. And now, you just don't want
to do anything.

If this is what you're feeling, I want you to know that this feeling is more
common than you think and most people don't talk about it. The way to solve
this is to not overthink this and surround yourself around positive peers
(perhaps even ideally non-tech peers) to get away from our usual comfort zone
and to give you a chance to breathe the fresh air of the world outside and
enjoy the green trees. Remember to take everything one step at a time. Here's
a relevant motivating story from Arnold Schwarzenegger from yesterday.
[https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-
trending-45168200](https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-45168200)

You sound like you need a short break away from your usual routine to give you
a chance to clear your mind. You're in Berlin. Maybe take a spontaneous solo
trip to Netherlands, Belgium, France, Italy, or Switzerland for a week.
Perhaps stay at a Youth hostel, meet cool people, and explore around. That
should give you a chance to breathe.

Once you have a clearer mind, make a roadmap of what you find meaningful in
life and slowly work towards that goal, even part time if necessary. I promise
you you'll find your way.

Hope this helps. :)

------
vlladin
Exact same thing happened to me. Also a developer, also struggled in Germany,
always wanted more and needed a challenge.

Let me tell you how things progressed for me going downhill from where you are
now. The boredom transformed into depression. The depression into anxiety. The
anxiety into constant panic attacks. I was not able to leave the house and go
to the office. I was under the constant impression death was around the
corner, I was having pain all over my body. I struggled like that for 2 years.

I ended up in a hospital twice, they were constantly telling me nothing's
wrong with me. And then I knew something has to change.

I packed my stuff and left. Started seeing a professional and after maybe two
months I was back on my feet. She helped me get rid of the panic and anxiety.

Still afraid to get back to work, I took another year and just did whatever
the hell I wanted. Traveled a lot, slept like crazy, spent time with friends.
Even did a bit of work, but only on my projects, and always being careful of
how hard I push myself.

Fast forward 3 years. I am back on track with my life and career. I am
freelancig now, working on my own stuff, and consulting.

What I learned in the last years:

A job is not something worth killing yourself over. Yes, some people do a 9-5
mediocre job, but I can't change them.

Divide the work/personal life with a thick line. Find a good balance between
the two.

Stop trying to make millions with my next big startup, and just have fun going
forward. Things will happen on their own.

Connect with people like me.

Be really really pragmatic when it comes to my job. Avoid bringing in emotions
and avoid pushing too hard.

That being said, take care of yourself. Don't let it go downhill, the sooner
you fix it the better. There's a fix for you, no worries, just have to find it

Remember one thing: You can't do the same thing over and over again and expect
different results.

------
banterfoil
There is already a ton of good advice on this thread, so I will try to avoid
sounding like a broken record. But something that really stood out to me is
you not leaving your flat. I think by just staying in your apartment during
all your free time is really hurting you. I found that even if I take a 15 to
20 minute walk outside, I will usually feel happier and refreshed. Give it a
try! Good luck!

------
reversecs
Everybody is saying start cooking again and start exercising and what not.
Those things are important, clearly you know they are but these people don't
understand how difficult it can be to do that, its actually pretty insensitive
having been there myself. But if you are actually capable of doing those
things then definitely do them.

One thing that is non-negotiable though is sleep, keep it consistent and try
really hard to let yourself wake without an alarm.

What worked for me was detaching from work for 4 weeks or so and just be a
human being whose self worth isn't tied to work. I would make sure I get out
of the house, even if that meant browsing reddit at a coffee shop, or just
walking around, really bad idea to take time off and spend it all in the
house.

After that, getting a therapist was a tremendous benefit. Getting a
professional outsider, who can not ruin your life (by sharing the gory details
of whats going through your head with others) feels really good. Sometimes you
can be locked in a fog where you just spiral down and can't see why. Having
someone there who can look at it objectively, without that fog, and can
deliver some insights while both of you try to figure out what is wrong.

A lot of times in mid 20s mental health issues will reveal themselves. I think
the best way to go about that is see a therapist who actually believes in
medicine being helpful (some therapists will advise their patients to avoid
drugs but if thats the only thing beyond extreme will power that will fix the
issue, do it). They will get to know you over a long period of time and
eventually may suggest you see a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists usually don't
spend that much time finding a diagnosis in my experience, its just a
description of feeling, he trusts what you are feeling and slowly try a
medication according to the symptoms.

Finding a therapist is probably the best way I was able to get out of my funk.
Without her guidance I would've just been wallowing until I finally take
drastic measures.

------
thiago_fm
Maybe you are just a spoiled european kid. (I just want to grab your
attention).

Jokes aside, I'm from Berlin as well and share the same problem. We want to
build interesting stuff, and the market doesn't have enough money to feed all
that innovation.

I'm on the 9-5 job route for a while, until I can set up my own shop. Just as
starting a company, growing it, selling etc. Life got many phases that we need
to learn to accept it. We need to put a real effort to become good at 9-5,
then become good as well as an entrepreneur mindset. Those are two completely
different things and we need to learn to work on those things.

You seem to struggle to maintain things when they "become boring", and that is
very important to run your own company as well.

Maybe contact me. Maybe I find what you make interesting and we can build
something together, I dunno. E-mail is on profile. I can probably say what are
your problems, what are the solutions, but it's up to you to do it. That's the
problem. That's even the problem that I have with myself. We need to work on
those things.

Anyways, to wrap up, you need to dedicate some effort in order to handle the
bullshit. When the bullshit hits you, you need to work with it. If you let it
go, it will eventually take you down. You need to work on those things.

------
dabockster
Seek out a clinical psychologist or better. Not a therapist who will just
offer you emotional support, no. I'm talking about someone who can diagnose
you with different mental conditions. Because, as someone who has had
depression in the past as a byproduct of my ADHD, the way you're speaking in
your post makes me suspect you may have one or more conditions that are
outside of your control.

~~~
throwy9764832
I want to add to this.

I was recently feeling the same as OP, starting to feel depressed,
uninterested in doing things or trying things anymore, not interested in
hobbies, etc. It was really wearing on me.

I started thinking about it in depth and realized that I came to a point where
I kept attempting things (projects, companies, hobbies) but never followed
through with them to completion. I would get to a point and settle on the
project not being feasible for some reason, and move onto the next thing. This
has been a pattern for as long as I can remember, but I kept naively trying,
until one day I realized its never going to happen and I felt like giving up.

I ended up seeing a psychiatrist. I know I struggled in college, and in
relationships with something like ADHD in the past, but I avoided any sort of
treatment. Eventually the ADHD had caused an unhealthy spiral in my personal
and professional life, that it was causing depression. I got diagnosed with
ADHD and started on medication, and everything has been so much better.

It was interesting once I looked into it, how much ADHD has impacted my life.
It comes down to a need for constant stimulation, which caused impulsivity,
and things quickly get old, and something else becomes enticing. This endless
hunt wore on me. I feel like even just taking the time to read and understand
it, has helped me be aware of why I feel/think about things in certain ways.
Anyways, getting help and medication has helped, and I feel like I am
satisfied with what I am doing and where I am going, and feel like I can
actually follow through with goals.

I think a lot of people mentioned this, but getting help and assessment from
professionals helps.

------
minipci1321
Many have correctly commented on the possibly depressive state, so I won't.
But I'd like to react to some keywords in your message. I don't know either
how this life thing works, it would be more my frustration speaking, I
definitely haven't followed this advice when your age.

Difficulty can be easily found in any company anywhere, no need to look hard.
It is doing the same even better and faster.

If asking the boss for more work doesn't work, why not to ask your colleagues?
You are high-performing -- get spare time from regular job, identify the
people who contributes the most to the success of the business, go see them
and be open, tell them you want to help but don't know how.

Your message sounds to me like getting closer to your colleagues might not be
your thing -- then find by yourself what cries for improvement that would
benefit the maximum of people, and start working on it alone. Hopefully people
will notice and will let you know.

Last thing -- if you are ambitious as you say, then changing companies
frequently is good, but only up to some point. Past that point (I would say,
30-something), to be able to evolve you need to grind down to the core of the
activity of a company, be that from the business or from technical standpoint,
and that takes lots of time and lots of trust from other people. The trust
takes many years to come.

I think we evolve only in the eyes of people around us (we already are what we
are), so working alone / keeping to oneself / frequently moving on undermines
this evolution.

In short -- plan for long effort, have patience, don't be afraid if things
don't look today like they should, and try to get more from people around you
-- help, fun, recognition, empathy, whatever.

~~~
rl3
> _... then changing companies frequently is good, but only up to some point.
> Past that point (I would say, 30-something) ..._

I know multiple people that have changed employers every couple years
throughout their thirties. Each time it was a better deal. There's absolutely
no reason to settle in at a particular company just because you're old. To
hell with long-term trust building, either a company empowers its senior
talent to get shit done regardless of their tenure there, or to the company's
own detriment it doesn't.

~~~
minipci1321
> I know multiple people that have changed employers every couple years
> throughout their thirties. Each time it was a better deal.

I actually myself did exactly that -- my _average_ stay at one place is under
4-5 years, all over 35+ years employment history. And a better deal it was, in
some way anyway. But it still hindered my evolution, and secondly, let us not
forget that the OP seems to be based in EU, finding a good-match employer
might be harder next time.

This is why I didn't recommend it.

------
denvrede
When you find a solution to your work related problems, please let me know. I
have the same problem (am also from germany). I just want to "automate all the
things", I don't care what it is: software deployment, infrastructure,
proprietary business processes. I always get sick when i have to do things
more than one time if it doesn't need to be "that" way. But from my experience
one of the three things can / will happen:

1\. you work in a big company the processes are so static and haven't been
touched for decades. Every change is seen as a risk and therefore dismissed.

2\. you work in a SME that actually is in need of someone that can automate
different processes but the time will come when everything is done and you
only get to work from time to time and get bored.

3\. you work in a small company / startup and your skills are needed but it
lacks of work life balance, job stability and sometimes a competitive salary.

As of now I'm (again) looking for a new job but have little to no hope that
I'll find exactly what I'm looking for.

~~~
zahrc
Germany eh? Apply for jobs at one Deutsche Telekom sub companies, or any
startups they support. Telekom Innovation Laboratories, immmr, T-Systems.

They have very engaging jobs and projects, work life balance is very important
and you will find a future proof opportunity

------
sharmi
Yes, you will need exercise and sleep as so many threads suggest. But in your
current state, just seeing the laundry list of things you need to do, yet
knowing you just can't find the motivation to stick to any of this will just
push you back further.

The number one thing you need to do is think of one person, just one person,
who has supported you unconditionally in the past. They should be someone who
can give you a positive outlook, someone who could buoy you up. Talk to
him/her to vent out your feelings. If you can't find such a person or if this
exercise does not help, meet a professional.

Once you are a little bit on the road to recovery, incorporate exercise. That
will automatically regulate your sleep and push you towards healthy eating
without much effort on your part. Exercise regulates your hunger and craving
for sugar. The positive cycle will build on itself. Just take it slow.

First, just talk to a trusted person, hopefully a friend who has seen you at
your best. They can help bring out that person in you.

------
saluki
You're 26 you are young you have plenty of time to create your own
products/company.

Work, well that's why they call it work. Keep the dream alive of building your
own company/business.

Checkout StartupsForTheRestOfUs.com, listen to the archives.

You've tried 3 or 4 projects? Most projects fail so it sounds like you are
right on track.

I would focus on the Stair Step Approach. Create a product or service, charge
money for it and level up from basic to more complex. Set a goal of running
your own show by the time you are 36. It's a long process.

Having your own projects will give you something to occupy your time and feel
that satisfaction you crave.

Remember to check your employment agreements that they don't contain any we
own everything you create. Don't use company time/resources of course. But you
don't need to discuss what you're working on in your own time either.

You also need to explore what you enjoy doing. Hiking, Travel, Relationships,
Drawing, Writing, Nature, maybe Cooking, Pets, Legos.

You need to balance Life, Work and Side Projects. Work is pretty fixed, enjoy
Life explore new things, for your Side project give yourself a fixed amount of
time each day/week and stick to that. Having limited time you will be more
productive.

For you side project, learn new things, automate, this is where you can be
creative and do things your way.

Getting a no from work? This is typical, work is complex, most people are
looking out for themselves. There is all kinds of behind the scenes politics.
Companies will let you go in a heartbeat (in the states). Employees are cogs
in the wheel and are interchangeable. I enjoyed my time working in a company
setting. Mainly my coworkers, but I've seen companies let go all types and
levels of employees without a thought. So don't feel too much loyalty to them.

You only get one shot at life so find and do things you enjoy.

Good luck.

------
cik
There's working to live, and living to work - it sounds like you've been
focused on the latter, as opposed to the former. If you're focused on the
latter, your relative happiness will be directly connected to the success of
your work.

If however, you can change the mentality to working to live - you have other
options for success, and happiness. Success might come from anywhere between
things like taking a walk daily, or even hearing a piece of music that day
that sets the tone.

Try working to live, and let a little bit go every day. Pick one thing to
enjoy that day, whether it's a cup of coffee, a book, or X. One glimmer of
happiness begets the next one - it's really the first 90 days affect, applied
to mental health.

------
greatatuin
Hey, I just posted this in another thread, but here's what has helped me a lot
with mental health having just been through a rough time in case you find it
useful...

\- Exercise, exercise, exercise.

\- Sleep quality. Look at all the sleep tips out there and make sure you are
getting good sleep.

\- Meditate (Headspace app, Calm app, Insight Timer, Oak)

\- Improved diet, no caffiene, very little alcohol (one drink if out with
people)

\- Socialise more. Make sure to check in with friends in person and on the
phone regularly. Social media doesn't count.

\- Try new things, go new places. Meetup.com is great.

\- Learn controlled breathing to help when tense. The 4-7-8 breathing when
done properly and for 8 good breathes helps me a lot. Be sure to breathe with
your stomach (diaphragm breathing) not your chest.

\- I took up brazilian jiu-jitsu which has been awesome, ticks a lot of the
above boxes for me.

\- Look at Maslow's heirarchy of needs. Start at the bottom and start working
on improvements for each thing. The world is great with lots of opportunity.
If your feeling bad your first port of call is to look at what things your
brain and body needs that you aren't getting right now and take action.

\- Go and see your doctor and a therapist and talk it out with someone. It
helps a lot just to talk about it. See if there's an undiagnosed condition
contributing to things. Don't face this alone, there's no need to do that and
there's lots of support and services out there.

\- The Youper app is pretty good.

------
gyani95
I'm 22 and I can empathize with you. I'd suggest seeking a psychologist to
talk about your possible depression is the best thing you can do.

Otherwise, get into a routine? Try to include waking up on time, work , gym
and exercise into that routine.

I've been trying headspace for the past week. It feels nice.

I've been thinking of project ideas to work on or people to work with. I wish
there was a better way to find this. Maybe talk to your friends who are into
such things?

Perhaps the best way to find co-founders and ideas and interesting work is to
work for a startup? It allows you to learn about startups at someone elses
expense.

------
jotjotzzz
Hopefully, you don't have clinical depression but find out.

I recommend Stephen Covey's book: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The
whole book is excellent. Start with Habit 1: Be Proactive.

Seek to be 100% responsible for everything you do and currently have. Do not
blame others or situations, take full responsibility. For when you blame
others, you give them control.

Becoming proactive means becoming highly accountable, subordinating your
impulses for your real values. The opposite of this is "Reactive" which is
when one is swept away by externalities, the heat of the moment. This habit
will hopefully kick-start your life.

------
ILikeConemowk
Hang on in there buddy, I've been where you are now.

I've got experience with exactly the feelings you're dealing with, the apathy,
hopelessness and the desire to start something and finding no one with the
enthusiasm required to go on. Also, I'm located in Berlin.

What helped me the most at the time was talking to and really connecting with
people who were in my shoes at some point in their lives.

I've just created an empty Discord chat, if you want you can use a throwaway
account and find me there
[https://discord.gg/4zm7TT](https://discord.gg/4zm7TT)

All the best!

------
pragmar
On the work itself, if it isn't being micromanaged, there's an opportunity to
adapt it to what interests you. What do you want to get better at? It doesn't
matter if it's generalization or specialization, the company likely wants a
low maintenance solution regardless of how you get there. In the long run, an
important part of work is making it your own, getting what you can out of it
so you don't feel stifled.

------
schuellerpa
Hey man, I work at a startup in Karlsruhe, Germany. Check out our career page
[https://zenkit.com/en/careers](https://zenkit.com/en/careers). We're looking
for people exactly like you. Our stack is Angular in the frontend and Node.js
in the backend ;).. Would be awesome to hear from you. You can also email me
and we'll arrange a call. patrick@zenkit.com

------
segmondy
There's always a big strain when expectations and reality doesn't match. Be
careful that social media & startup porn are not pushing your expectations too
far from your current reality. It takes great mental effort to keep your
sanity in such cases. I'm not saying not to dream, but also stay grounded in
reality.

------
milestone
Success takes time. Nothing great comes easy. Most successful entrepreneurs
are over 40 year old, contrary to the media bs. You have to fight for the
things you want in life.

Yes, it's normal. But you don't have to live your life depressed. Your life is
in your own hands.

------
fgreen00
A “no” from them is disrespect when we are talking about automation and save
more money. Do NOT work with people that dont respect you. Do not feel guilty
when someone gives you a no. All humans think with that forever term. There is
no forever. Everything dies sooner or later. Just listen to your thoughts that
are fading away. Dont let them. Use them as they are spoken in the back of
your head, no matter how stupid they seem. The whole depression thingy comes
from a person rejecting its thoughts that seem right and best for you.
Righteousness and truthfulness its what makes us US. A persons aura/energy is
higher when they speek with their friends or coworkers with high volume voice.
A high volume voice makes people believe that they are trustworthy. Many
people aren’t trustworthy. Just use that voice. Speak the truth and how you
feel and dont let just everyones thoughts be your own thoughts.

------
itronitron
yeah, that sounds pretty normal... so the good news is there are probably a
few people here that know how to work through it.

Regarding not being able to find people that want to make something, you may
want to cast a wider net demographically and also define how people can
contribute, i.e. what do you need help with, so they can scope their effort on
your project. Nobody wants to get dragged into someone else's obsession, and
if you are a founder then you will want to have primary control in the early
years.

I also encourage you to go out and meet other people socially, focus on
building a wide network of social acquaintances.

------
Zelmor
Find a hobby that doesn't involve the computer. Vegetable gardening is my go
to send activity. I have citrus trees too, which are wonderful when flowering
indoors during wintertime.

------
jmarchello
You may want to look into having your hormone levels tested. A lack of drive
may be attributed to that. If not, listen to the advice regarding depression.

------
burnerAddress2
Hello all, sorry I actually lost the burner password. I will look now over the
comments.

------
damm
The only way you can get a raise really right now is to quit your job and find
a new job that's willing to pay you more.

This has been happening for quite some time you can blame neoliberalism or you
can blame CEO's who earn more. There's some truth to every lie.

So yes you will get a lot of jobs; and quit a lot of jobs. It sucks; it
stinks; I remember when I was making 13$/hr and excited. It may not excite you
but it should pay the bills.

Work on your startup on the side and keep trying

Life is about hard work; it's never easy. Keep striving

> This is the hardest thing to do sometimes you will stumble

------
maerF0x0
A quick blast of thoughts cause I'm short on time...

> I do not want to remain in a 40-60k job (this is Europe)

look into indiehackers, make your own side projects

> So in short, I am going down the hill

Watch some Jordan Peterson talks about making a meaningful life, avoid his
political stuff if thats not your leaning, but as far as I can tell he's bang
on about "sorting yourself out".

> I am a 26 year old

You're young, stuff is supposed to be "hard" until your about 35 .. Then you
get old and you have it all sorted mentally but your body begins to rebel :P

> I do not go to the gym

Go to the gym. Good. Look up jocko willink

~~~
gnode
> > I do not go to the gym

> Go to the gym

Or, if you find it easier, get out amongst nature and go jogging / cycling /
etc.

~~~
maerF0x0
So true. Having a myopia of what is "Exercise" doesnt help anyone .

------
koliber
The first part of the post sounds like an episode of depression is coming over
you. Please seek some help. It's impossible to tell from across the internet
whether this is a 3-day funk or the onset of a more serious condition. A
professional psychiatrist will help you. Going alone _may_ work, but will be
much more difficult and the chance of a screwup is higher.

The second part of your post sounds like an existential crisis. You're
ambitious and are coming to realize that life is more complicated than it
initially seemed.

I'm 50% older than you are. What you are discovering is normal. It may seem
depressing to you, as you've imagined the world to work differently. That's
just the first reaction. The world works in ways that are more complicated and
beautiful than you could imagine.

You've taken the first step and realized that the world does not work exactly
how you thought it does. Now spend some time (like the rest of your life)
trying to figure out why that is.

It's not all dark and bad.

Maybe your boss does not want automation built as he knows that if you leave,
he will not find another bright person like you to maintain it. Nor does he
want to. Maybe he is planning a reconfiguration of your QA infrastructure to
meet some new requirement, and automating the current setup would be a wasted
effort. Maybe he is just dumb, but you can't change that either. Think of this
through his perspective and try to imagine five reasons why that may be.

Most of your projects will fail to be financial successes. This is normal, and
you know it. Work on things that are interesting to you. It may not yield
financial successes, but it will result in personal satisfaction, learning,
and scratching that problem solving itch that you have. Perhaps one will be so
cool and interesting that people will come out of the woodwork to work with
you. But likely not.

There are more reasons than you can think of why someone is not buying what
you've built or does not want to work with you. Switch perspectives. Ask
yourself why you are not jumping at the opportunity at joining project X that
you learned about yesterday. It may be that it is because it is being run by a
person who rubs you the wrong way, or the project is trivial, or the subject
matter does not interest you, or does not have a chance of success. Behind
each of those projects that you chose not to join is a founder who is asking
themselves the same questions that you are.

If you're not challenged at work, do what needs to get done and spend the rest
of the time in a way that is rewarding for you. Read books. Take long lunches.
Don't be "in your face" about it with your bosses. Look for another job where
you will be challenged.

Treat yourself with respect. Respect others around you. Learn. Try to see
things through other people's perspective. Realize that you can't change the
whole world, but you can change tiny infinitesimal pieces of it. These tiny
changes will add up in unexpected ways, and one may even blossom into
something larger.

