
I’m Too Old for This - kareemm
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/09/fashion/im-too-old-for-this.html?_r=0
======
Xcelerate
I generally try to abstain from criticizing articles too much, but this one
bothers me a little bit — mainly because it is one among many of the numerous
articles and blog posts popping up nowadays that advocate for the same general
behavior: "focus on yourself".

I felt uncomfortable after I finished reading this and looked up some of the
author's other work. See the reviews of her most recent book here:

[http://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Pajamas-Found-Happiness-
eboo...](http://www.amazon.com/Slow-Love-Pajamas-Found-Happiness-
ebook/product-reviews/B0052RGBW2)

In addition to having nominating her own work for national awards, there's an
odd discrepancy between the generally positive distribution of ratings and the
sheer number of upvotes on the _lowest rated_ reviews as sorted by "Most
Helpful".

I feel that articles that encourage people to have higher self-esteem and more
self-confidence are, generally speaking, a good thing; however, the problem
starts occurring when the focus is _entirely_ on yourself. I feel like this
theme of "be good to yourself; you deserve it", "sorry not sorry", and "you
don't need anyone else to make you happy" falls only on the ears of those who
are already far too absorbed in themselves.

It's peculiar because (at least in my experience), I've found that the people
who actually _need_ to read articles like this are those who already give too
much of themselves to other people, yet secretly wonder if they are too
selfish. Whereas those who _are_ too selfish read these articles and think,
"Hey that's me! I need to quit letting other people walk all over me. I need
to care about myself more", when in reality they need to move in the other
direction and care _less_ about themselves.

~~~
dizzystar
I didn't read it like this at all. I read it as: the older you get the more
you realize that the things that were important to you when you were younger
weren't that important after all.

The older I get, the more I realize how silly many things are. There are
ideals I'd tell you I would die for at 20. At 35, I don't even remember what
those ideals are.

It is so much easier to forgive and let things go later in life. That's my
take on the article anyways.

~~~
larrys
"you realize that the things that were important to you when you were younger
weren't that important after all."

On the other hand nothing wrong with having aspirations and if people didn't
have aspirations many things in society would never be accomplished.
Aspirations drive people.

I think there is a saying something like "the difference between men and boys
is the size of their toys".

And in fact many of those "toys" don't matter once you get older simply
because you are in a different place in life with different needs and outlook.
Can't imprint that thought pattern when younger and quite frankly why would
you? What fun would that be?

I remember when I was in my 20's I was able to afford a really nice car one
that I had always wanted in my teens. About a week after getting the car I was
very aware of the fact that I wasn't any happier than I had been prior to
getting the car (and actually thought I would be) and maybe even a little less
so (anticipation effect if you want to call it that). I was still glad that I
got the car though and have always had nice cars since and never regretted it.
But part of my motivation has changed. Back then it was to get a girl by
having a nice car and to impress people (used to be like that, the "get a
girl" part many older folks will tell you). Now I like it just because its a
nice thing to have. And in some cases having nice things helps with business
as well in the bricks and mortar world at least.. I can tie a few deals to the
fact that I drove a nice car. Plus getting random comments from strangers does
provide a boost.

As you get old you do become more mellow because you can be more mellow.
Because in many cases you have either "arrived" or your needs have changed.
The kids college is already taken care of and all of that, have a vacation
place, nice house and so on.

But don't think for a second that it would be possible to "not care" "now" if
the effort hadn't been put in earlier to insure at least some financial
security. And I am not talking about living richly either. But having enough
that you don't have to be concerned with money is a nice thing don't let
anyone tell you differently.

~~~
logingone
"the _only_ difference between men and boys is the size/price of their toys"
\-- ie men don't grow up.

Edit: I guess that should be _boys_ don't grow up.

------
dctoedt
I'm 60. Of course it'd be great to have my 21-year-old body and brain back
(assuming I could keep all my experiences and learnings). And I'd love to be
around to see what life will be like 50-80 years in the future, which I know
is unlikely to happen.

Otherwise, though, I wouldn't trade. I'm fortunate to be very healthy, and
life is better now than it's ever been. (I know, not everyone can say that ---
as I say, I've been fortunate.)

~~~
jqm
I'd like my body and brain from around 28 back. In my particular case at 21, I
don't think they hadn't quite finished growing up yet.

------
rayiner
A lot of the advice in this article comes down to having perspective. E.g. I
don't think the author misjudged her looks when she was younger--she just
realized now that she's older it never mattered as much as she thought.

Getting married and having a kid was liberating for me in that regard. My
desire to impress people who didn't matter or come across as cool and not
derpy went almost to nil.

------
greghendershott
I've heard a similar idea expressed using more colorful language:

"Often you hear people say they have a 'bucket list'. Well I also have a 'fuck
it' list. The older I get, the longer it grows."

~~~
redcalx
I think that's likely a 'healthier' approach - i.e. to be at ease with where
you are in life an not feel like there's a set of things you need to do to
make life worthwhile. There's a similarity there with the Buddhist approach to
desire or 'thirst' for experiences - i.e. to some extent they can't satiated
because satiating one gives rise to another, that seems to be how the human
brain is wired. It's the same with wealth, i.e. no matter how much people have
they generally want more.

------
julian_t
> Only when you hit 60 can you begin to say, with great aplomb: “I’m too old
> for this.”

Hmmm... for me, that'll be in just under a month, then ;-)

~~~
why-el
Happy 60th birthday then. :)

------
woohoo7676
Insightful article. I'm only halfway to 60, so I still do a lot of the
worrying and mistakes the author mentioned, but even looking back on my 20's
there's some situations where I now think "I'm too old for this." Avoiding
some of the storms definitely feels nice.

------
nickbauman
Yup. Ruminating is probably the fastest way to arrive at depression. Make a
concerted analysis, fine, but then move on.

------
forloop
I've come to my own realisation: if I never read the NYTs again, I'll be net
better off.

------
plg
A secret of happiness : you don't have to wait until you're 60

~~~
mooreds
I agree! As I read this I kept thinking--she was saying exactly how I feel.
I'm too old to:

    
    
       * follow the latest fashion fads
       * deal with BS in relationships
       * not pursue what I find interesting, instead of what others find interesting
       * etc.
    

It doesn't matter what age you are, having the attitude that you are "too old"
to put up with "it" will make your life better.

------
kendallpark
Love this.

> Only when you hit 60 can you begin to say, with great aplomb: “I’m too old
> for this.”

But you definitely don't need to wait until sixty. :)

~~~
sixQuarks
I'm already saying that, and I'm not even 40 yet.

~~~
evook
I am not even 25 and joined the club already. People tend to forget the
concept of circulation.

~~~
lotharbot
I'm 35 and have an established reputation as a curmudgeon. When people my age
were first getting cell phones, I kept a landline. I eventually came around --
now I have a flip phone ;)

It might help that I'm from a religious tradition closely affiliated with the
Amish (Mennonite), and have developed a mentality of being intentional about
both adopting new technology and how I use it once I have it. Likewise with
social trends -- there are certain sports I enjoy and therefore watch quite a
bit, but I have no idea what clothing or TV shows are "hot" this year.

------
falcolas
This made me smile and laugh. And I have to agree, it's amazing what a little
bit of resilience and the ability to see the "same old crap" coming can do for
you.

------
EugeneOZ
No, old grumpy woman, you should care how you look. And fat body is a problem
too, not only in terms of "look", but in terms of health. Athletic body is the
aim - not fat and not anorexic. And "just be yourself" it's not an excuse,
it's just laziness. You just too lazy for this.

I know you will downvote it and I don't care :) I more care about young people
who allow themselves to be fat or ugly because of "be yourself" mantra. You
will NEVER return these golden years, don't miss it - make your body beautiful
(athletic) and enjoy it.

~~~
dasil003
Hm, she doesn't seem grumpy but you sure do.

------
Joeboy
> Take a pass on bad manners, on thoughtlessness, on unreliability, on
> carelessness and on all the other ways people distinguish themselves as
> unappealing specimens.

I've also moved in that direction as I've got older, but I think it's because
I've also got wealthier and gained more options. If I still had to choose
between sharing my kitchen with thoughtless people and living in a ditch, I
would still choose the former.

------
ExpiredLink
I'm not over 60 but I'm too old for Scrum. Can anyone over 30 take that Scrum
kindergarten serious?

~~~
redcalx
I don't think it's for the type of person that reads HN. I recently asked what
a spike was and what the word relates to. I didn't get a clear answer i.e. I
don't think anyone properly understood what it meant. I later did some digging
- it's basically research. Quite why we have to invent a new word when there's
a perfectly good one already I don't know.

~~~
jleader
I suspect too many people would interpret "research" as (their view of)
academic research: no definite goal, no time limit, no constraints. A spike is
supposed to be a time-limited investigation of something specific. After that
time, either you learned enough to go ahead with implementation, or you
didn't, and you have to decide what to do instead.

FWIW, I've worked at a few places that used Scrum (my current employer uses
less formal processes), and I and some of my co-workers also read HN. I guess
I don't know if we're "the type of person that reads HN", though, whatever
that is.

------
redcalx
"By now I’ve learned, the very hard way, that what you see in someone at the
beginning is what you get forevermore."

I've heard this a few times over the years. Slowly I'm beginning to learn this
first hand, from observing others but also myself.

------
carsongross
Profound.

But not in the way the author intends.

