
How High School English Class Ruined Your Proposals - reubenswartz
http://www.mimiran.com/proposals/how-your-high-school-english-class-is-ruining-your-proposals/
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mturmon
The post talks about how a page minimum had the effect of rewarding useless
verbiage. I've found that page _maximums_ in proposal writing have helped me
to sharpen my writing considerably. I had to write a 5 page proposal for $100k
in a very competitive program earlier this year, and it was really a challenge
to get all the ideas in.

Another thing I learned along the way is inverted storytelling. Tell it once
in a sentence at a high level, again in a paragraph later on, and then again
at greater length in the body of the document. Put the key stuff first and the
supporting details later, even if (because?) the supporting details are
technical, intricate, and show off your mastery. If you can't put the idea in
a sentence, you're doing something wrong.

~~~
reubenswartz
Great points. And unlike your high school papers, which hopefully your teacher
at least read through until the end, your prospect may not even read through
the whole proposal if you don't start with something compelling. (I wrote a
whole other post about this: [http://www.mimiran.com/proposals/why-your-
prospect-doesnt-wa...](http://www.mimiran.com/proposals/why-your-prospect-
doesnt-want-to-read-your-proposals/.))

Keep it short, sweet, and interesting. (If you've ever been on the other side,
having to read some of this crap, you can really appreciate it.) ;-)

~~~
mturmon
Yep, being on the other side is the best way to prepare for actually writing a
proposal. It's easier to write a document when you know the mindset of the
person reading it.

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nikatwork
"I am sorry I have had to write you such a long letter, but I did not have
time to write you a short one" -- Blaise Pascal

My writing was also ruined by highschool English rewarding large word counts
and overblown language. Twitter has completely broken me of the habit, and my
writing is far clearer and punchier as a result.

Eschew excess verbiage and all that.

~~~
dalke
Why is "excess" needed there? "Eschew verbiage" seems a better fit to its own
guideline. "Verbiage" means "speech or writing that uses too many words or
excessively technical expressions" so the original is something like "avoid an
excess of too many words."

~~~
Ezku
I think the phrasing was purposefully self-ironic, but in the sense of
excessively technical expressions rather than having too many words.

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tikhonj
I've recently noticed the same problem in my writing: I spend too many words
saying too little. I also repeat myself. Repeatedly. I'm hoping that being
aware of this, coupled with some practice, will help me improve.

Coincidentally, one of the people whose writing I've grown to respect the most
is Stallman. Whether or not I agree with some particular essay, his points are
always really clear and accessible.

In early high school, I would have dismissed his writing--it doesn't feel
sophisticated or fancy. Now I realize that clear and concise writing is both
harder to come by and more effective than it seems. It's certainly more
impressive--in a subtle sort of way--than most essays with complicated
sentences and large words.

Even if you disagree with his core tenets, his essays are worth reading simply
because they are so _readable_. It should also give you a better idea of his
core philosophies: in my experience, many people have rather inaccurate views
of what free software is actually about and why it matters.

~~~
runako
I try to refer to Ogilvy on writing, even when not writing copy:

<http://www.listsofnote.com/2012/02/how-to-write.html>

~~~
reubenswartz
Yes-- that's a great one.

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demallien
I have a friend in Marketing that often asks me to verify her translations of
press releases from French to English. I flatly refuse to translate directly
some of the fluff, and make her write more directly - she hasn't been fired...
yet!

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jblock
Best exercise in AP English: respond to a reading for class. Turn that in,
randomly pass them around, and have students respond to the responses SOLELY
in the context of the responses themselves. And they had to be as long if not
longer than the initial response.

It wasn't enough to bullshit. It could only take you so far. You only did well
if you could surgically read into what was written and explore it prosaically
and pragmatically.

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frobozz
>Using big words not only improved your grade, it also took up space, getting
you closer to the critical 5 page minimum.

I have to disagree with this point. Using "big words" (or "fancy vocabulary
words"), often makes it difficult to reach the minimum word or page count.
"plant that emerges from its seed with a singular leaf" for example, is 40
characters (9 words) longer than "monocotyledon".

~~~
Goronmon
The trick is to include both the big word and then the explanation of said
word into the essay.

~~~
reubenswartz
Good points. Science and business writing often includes very precise words
and/or acronyms that can make writing very dense, in a way that's good for
experts to communicate effectively.

However, this can be a trap when trying to engage executives who may not have
the expertise or the patience. (I've put myself in this trap many times,
unfortunately.)

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arthulia
Good thing I didn't pay much attention in high school English class.

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localhost3000
to the OP: can we get a real example of a sales proposal you've written
recently that was effective and fits into what you're ...erm, proposing?

~~~
reubenswartz
Wasn't trying to push my stuff, but here are a couple of resources that may be
helpful.

You can sign up for a free Mimiran account (<http://www.mimiran.com/pricing-
signup/>), which includes a couple of sample proposals which are based on real
winning proposals.

You can also check out the <http://www.mimiran.com/proposals/> section of the
website, which has a number of posts on writing compelling proposals.

Check them out and see if you agree with the ideas we are, ummm, proposing.
;-)

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joopa
Good thing I didn't go to an English high school.

