

A (Manic Depressive) Man’s Best Friend - benbreen
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/03/05/a-manic-depressive-mans-best-friend

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ericglyman
Beautiful piece -- whether manic or not, after one hell of a stressful day,
coming home to find your dog waiting for you really brings you back to
reality.

Also, while reading this anyone else here reminded of the totems (the spinning
top, weighted dice, etc.) from the movie Inception? Small objects that remind
you what's real and what's only a dream.

~~~
michaelochurch
_Beautiful piece -- whether manic or not, after one hell of a stressful day,
coming home to find your dog waiting for you really brings you back to
reality._

Yes, this. Cats can be stabilizing too. I can't be depressed around a cat. I
haven't had a manic episode for several years so I don't know if cats have
anti-manic properties or if I've just been lucky. But pets are great for
mental health, no question.

His experience is different from mine. For him, the dog is a neutral character
(a generally innocent animal of fairly average temperament) he has intense
emotions toward, and he's begun to recognize that negative feelings toward the
dog indicate a deteriorating mental state. For me, I rarely feel negative
emotion for any animal except humans, and cats (and, to a lesser extent, dogs)
are a stabilizer, a reminder that happiness (and not that fleeting manic kind)
exists in the world. I'm pretty sure that one of my cats is a Zen master
(except when in the presence of boiled or fried chicken).

~~~
sheensleeves
Been thinking about whether I should get a pet. Some logistics, but also the
M.I. like the guy in the piece. Not sure that the article helps my decision,
but the comments here add some solidarity.

~~~
cossatot
It's definitely worth a try unless you've got a very hectic schedule, or some
abusive tendencies. Pets can offer a steady, simple and pure kind of love and
companionship, and it comes with relatively few downsides (not very expensive,
and animals are pretty up front about what they want out of the deal). If you
get a shelter animal and it doesn't work out, you can take them back.

~~~
cdr
Pets are pretty dang expensive. Potentially thousands of dollars a year in vet
bills, and hundreds in food, just to start. I had friends when I was a kid who
had pets die because their parents couldn't afford vet bills (not very
responsible to have pets when you can't afford to take care of them, but you
can't tell someone not to have a pet any more than you can tell them not to
have a kid). Among the people I've known, pets are quite probably the biggest
nonhuman financial stressor - bigger than cars.

Shelter pets are not for everyone either, although avoiding pet store
puppymill pets is obviously desirable.

~~~
michaelochurch
_Shelter pets are not for everyone either_

Most shelter animals are just fine. I got two cats (bonded pair) from a
shelter in August 2013 and they've been a dream. Shelter life isn't easy for
animals, but it doesn't typically break them (a few handle it badly, but most
are psychologically normal after a couple weeks in a new home).

You're taking a bet with any kind of new pet, but you're probably getting a
healthier animal, on average, with a mutt from a shelter than if you get a
breed animal, even from a "responsible" (i.e. not puppy-mill) breeder. The
better shelters don't do _that_ much psychiatric damage, and most of it's not
long-term. This idea that shelter animals are all psychiatric/behavioral
basketcases is both untrue and very damaging.

I prefer no-kill shelters for finding pets. Part of it is selfishness (I don't
like feeling like not choosing an animal will condemn it to death) and some of
it is ideology (I don't agree that it's "euthanasia" to kill healthy feral
animals; who are we to decide that they'd be better off dead?) but I also know
that NK shelters (which source from "kill"/open-admission shelters, so you're
still saving a life) are staffed by people who are experts (at least, relative
to me) in selecting adoptable, healthy animals who are unlikely to have
behavioral problems.

------
evincarofautumn
Good friends are always honest, and few people are more honest than dogs.

I’m a proponent of total honesty, and I have always found this quote from Brad
Blanton inspiring:

”If you are in an ongoing relationship with any person there will probably be
times when you hurt their feelings. Probably the most often used
rationalization for lying is ‘I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.’ I
recommend you hurt people’s feelings and stay with them past the hurt. I also
recommend that you offend people. We can all get over having our feelings hurt
and we can get over being offended. These are not permanent conditions; they
are feelings that come and go. On the other side of that reaction is a
conversation in which your mutual honesty creates an intimacy not possible if
you are hiding something for the sake of someone’s feelings.”

~~~
ryandvm
That prescription strikes me as useful only in the theoretical. Honesty is
well and good, but telling your girlfriend you'd like to fuck her sister is
not going to be good for anyone.

~~~
vinceguidry
People always throw these crazy thoughts out there like they'd be expressed in
a vacuum where everything else is perfectly PC whenever 100% honesty comes up.
The thing about honesty to others is, as you settle into it, you find that the
emotions running around in your head even out and the way you express them
becomes less nuts.

You might be walking down the street with your girlfriend, and see a smoking
hot girl come the other way. You turn to look, your girlfriend all but expects
you to, she knows the kinds of girls you like because you've talked about it a
dozen times before.

She might tease you about it or mock being angry, but she's not going to fly
off the handle just because you expressed a sexual interest in someone that's
not her. Any more than you would on her.

~~~
learc83
The few people I've met who operate with no filter or who profess to practice
100% honesty, come across as abrasive and unpleasant.

How does 100% honesty work with people in authority over you, and what about
unpopular opinions. I'd wager most of us hold at least one opinion that would
make us social pariahs.

If you tell your girlfriend about all the women you're attracted to, do you
tell every attractive woman you meet that you're sexually attracted to her? I
can't imagine that going over very well.

~~~
vinceguidry
There's a difference between being 100% honest and having no filter. When I
meet an attractive woman, I let it be known somehow that I find her
attractive. I don't just stumble up to her and say "hi, you're so hot, wanna
have sex?" I've found that there's a clear difference in the way I interact
with women I feel attracted to and women I don't. I'm more playful, sometimes
I'll even flirt if she seems receptive.

If we're in a setting where that sort of interaction is more or less expected,
like a bar, sure I'll tell her that I'm attracted to her.

With authority and work, it's something you work on. Of course you don't want
to tell your CEO that he's a fucking idiot when it comes to technology, but
you don't want to be a doormat either. He's relying on your expertise, you
need to be able to correct his incorrect views in an appropriate fashion. You
can express displeasure but not disdain. You filter the expression of whatever
emotion you're feeling, but you still express it.

100% honesty makes more demands on your amygdala than not having a filter. You
have to become clearer about exactly what you're expressing and why. Precision
when you're communicating negative emotions is paramount. You also have to be
willing to apologize whenever you miscommunicate.

~~~
learc83
It sounds like by 100% honesty you mean: don't hide your emotions and go along
with everything just to keep the peace, but make sure to express negative
opinions tactfully, and keep thoughts that would cause too much trouble to
yourself.

To me that sounds a lot like acting like an ordinary mature adult. I don't
think what you're expressing is what most people mean when they talk about
100% or radical honesty.

~~~
vinceguidry
I don't think most adults are mature, so I wouldn't call it ordinary. But it
is still 100% being honest all the time. You still have a filter, but you're
being honest about all the emotions you're feeling and what is motivating you
to do any given thing. You can work to start to remove the filter too, this is
called self-actualization. That's something different.

I think you need to be 100% honest with yourself before you start removing
your filter or it won't work and you'll end up throwing out the baby with the
bathwater. 100% honesty is as much about knowing yourself as it is about not
misleading others. Only once you understand yourself and your motivations can
you start to experiment with just saying stuff that's on your mind without
thinking about it first. The things you say will clue you in on deeper
motivations that you can then work on being honest with yourself about.

------
bayesianhorse
Some doctor once told me you aren't really bipolar unless you tried to write a
book at least once...

