
Ask HN: I don't want to be a worker any more I want to be a professional - artsyca
I&#x27;ve been in the industry for a long while now long enough to be past the stage of proving myself and looking more towards creating something of lasting value for the world and society and even my own legacy<p>Everyone around me from management to the HR apparatus and even my peers seem geared towards me remaining a non client facing worker bot content with my perks and not harboring any ambitions beyond &#x27;solving challenging problems&#x27; as a means to elicit that dopamine rush towards the collective ego<p>Growing up I chose computer science because it wasn&#x27;t supposed to feel like work it was supposed to be a calling a duty but now the whole system is geared towards blind compliance and disengagement<p>My good people how can I break the endless cycle of mindless mechanical labour that has become the software business and become the consummate professional I&#x27;ve always wanted to be?
======
robjan
I think on HN we suffer from something similar to people who visit Instagram
or Facebook all the time. We see everyone's holiday photos, their successes,
everyone is doing something "meaningful" or creating the next big startup. In
reality, most of us are creating CRUD applications but we wouldn't post about
that because it doesn't fit into the above category.

I don't have any answers to your questions but I hope it's some consolation,
at least.

Perhaps you can give us some additional insight about your current role,
industry and experience level?

~~~
sammorrowdrums
It's actually a novel way to think about HN as if it were Instagram or
something.

"Life hack: just build your own compiler, one that just gets you"

"Quit your job and live off bug bounties - I did am I'm great"

"Show off to everyone: how in my free time I made software that dwarfs your
entire coding career"

"How I work out six times a week and meditate to write better code, and why
you shouldn't have had kids..."

"Us mere bunch of 20 year olds just got 15M to build something cool - here's
how we did it (went to MIT and were young and free enough and able to work in
a shed for 3 years to polish our idea first)"

I love this community, it's only in jest I comment like this, but it's true
that you can't see the forest for the trees here. There are many amazing
people who achieve amazing things and share them, and some incredibly smart
people, but most of us are just normal, interested people working pretty
normal jobs. Albeit in an industry with huge potential and decent salaries!

If I could offer any advice it's to do some time at different startups that
will let you work on code outside your area of expertise. Most (not all)
larger companies in particular push people into quite narrow scopes because
"the person who makes the most sense to do this" is usually the person who
already can.

Conversely many larger businesses are more stable and might give you the work
life balance you need to not burn out, and to have time for side projects.

Sounds like you want to make a change. Look for other opportunities that might
help you grow. Reach out to a mentor, dress differently of it helps make
people know you want something different.

But don't stress. It's all a game, and for most the only true winning is
enjoying the journey. We don't all get to build the next unicorn, or become
the high paid CTO. But we can still all have amazing, enjoyable lives.

~~~
losthobbies
Thanks for writing this. I often read peoples success stories here and on
Indie Hackers and feel like I should be "doing more" but then when I get home
I just want to play with my kids, watch a bit of TV and rest.

It's good to read that others feel the same.

------
leoh
I'm not sure if this will help, but I suffer from a similar feeling. The sense
that I'm often a cog. That others around me don't have an interest in seeing
me as a full human — and even worse, perhaps, others around me and managing me
don't even see themselves as fully human either, but are merely interested in
climbing the ladder or making more money; merely doing the minimum required in
terms of bravery and wholeheartedness -- i.e. just being beaurocratic checkbox
checkers.

The things that have helped me a lot have, paradoxically, not been changing my
environment drastically, nor the people I'm around at work (I do believe that
changing those things can help a lot, but understanding, knowing, or finding
which professional situation or group of people that facilitate what I'm
looking for can sometimes be tricky; I'm hopeful, however, about finding a
better environment or group of people with time). Rather, doing things like
dressing better, reading in the mornings, practicing piano, going on long
walks, and doing yoga (it's important, in my experience, to do yoga with
someone that feels like they have a sense of poise and setteledness is
important).

When I can find a feeling of centeredness and wholeheartedness and
groundedness within myself, I perceive others around me as fully human as well
as myself — by fully human I mean having potential, intelligence. And that
lifts others in a subtle way, I think and leads to better success for myself
and mutually. Sometimes the feeling arises that in spite of the normal BS of
work, that there's actually a lot of room to get good things done if I can let
go of ego, let go of the sense of frustration about how bizarre things are.

The valley has changed a lot the last ten years. I'm sure you'll find your way
if you try. We all need to. Despite the money and perks, more people are
waking up to how bizarre things have slowly become. Remember you're not alone
and things can probably get better if we try.

~~~
prox
I agree wholeheartedly with this. The lens through which you see the world can
change how you experience things. That said, it is also a great thing if you
find people in a work setting that can connect with this sentiment of not
being a cog, and to find fundamental value in the work we do. There are
companies that do things differently and its worth pursuing those even though
they are rarer.

------
cbanek
> Everyone around me from management to the HR apparatus and even my peers
> seem geared towards me remaining a non client facing worker bot

Yep, this is true. To be honest, no one cares about your career but you. I'm
not saying this to be harsh, it's the same for me. But no one is going to come
up and say "you're really smart, and we need you to do smart person job." I
wish they would, especially for me. But it doesn't seem to happen, at least
not very often. Everyone gets in their own rut, and most people can only see
what they think is the status quo, even if that isn't how it is in reality.
And people like the status quo. It's predictable. But usually not optimized
for success or efficiency.

But the only answer I have for both of us is to figure out what we want, and
make a plan, and go for it. Most if not all my important growth came from
quitting one job and moving into another. Figure out something that means
something to you now, and go for it. You're the only one who can know what you
need to do.

~~~
AndrewKemendo
_But no one is going to come up and say "you're really smart, and we need you
to do smart person job."_

I'm sorry but this is just incorrect. I have done that myself, had it happen
to me and know that it's a common occurrence. Whenever you hear of someone
being "poached" that's exactly what happens.

There are also thousands of recruiters doing exactly this. Not every recruiter
mind you but executive and technical recruiters do exactly what you describe
for a living.

I think generally though, your advice of "figure out what we want, and make a
plan, and go for it" is correct, and generally leads to you being sought out
and recruited in the way you describe. You're not going to stand out if you
don't want to, so it's a required first step in order to get on that "must
have" list of recruits.

~~~
cbanek
Of course recruiters say that, they'll say anything to get you to interview!
There was actually a great post about this being the new recruiter form-letter
that I'll have to find... it always started with, "I'm impressed by your
background, we need smart people like you."

I was talking about the people OP was referring to (company
peers/management/HR). Once you're hired and settled, I find the story can
often change, and the only thing you can really do then is find another job if
the promises of what work you would be doing don't hold up (and they often
don't, but it sometimes works out anyway).

~~~
ardme
Haha, I think that might have been this article I wrote which briefly graced
the front page a few months ago.

I collected all of the emails where recruiters started off with "I'm
Impressed...". [https://www.iteachrecruiters.com/blog/when-everyone-
started-...](https://www.iteachrecruiters.com/blog/when-everyone-started-
using-impressed-as-an-opener/)

------
avip
I have not experienced that "endless cycle of mindless mechanical labour that
has become the software business".

I am however experiencing the reality of 99% of software products being, to be
polite, unnecessary. And that does bother me.

I've spent over 2 years now compromising any other consideration in the sake
of building something that I see as important and useful. I've relocated, I
took junior jobs, worked with tech stack I hate or know nothing about. I did
some effort (not enough, yet).

And you know what? it worked :) I now work on a product I love and feel
related to. I cut my salary down ~25% (I could afford that thanks to my
amazing better half). I also officially work 80% and occasionally from home.
That whole package really helped me to reenergize and get myself together as I
was very close to declaring myself "X-software developer" and pivot to some
other profession.

~~~
Animats
_" I am however experiencing the reality of 99% of software products being, to
be polite, unnecessary. And that does bother me."_

Yes. “The best minds of my generation are thinking about how to make people
click ads. That sucks.” - Jeff Hammerbacher, Facebook.

I was lucky. I got to work on some good problems. Like "Can we get computers
to talk reliably to each other over this Internet thing even when they come
from different companies with different operating systems and operate over a
wide variety of connections." And "Can we cram a useful CAD program into a
rather small PC". And "Can we get a multiprocessor OS and computer to stay up
for a month or two instead of crashing several times a day." Early in my
career, there were many big problems that clearly needed solving.

Now we're past that. Most of the high-value problems have been dealt with.
Most new software is rather banal. Or hostile.

~~~
adventured
> “The best minds of my generation are thinking about how to make people click
> ads. That sucks.” - Jeff Hammerbacher, Facebook.

That's something that only people in a very small corner of the US tech
industry actually believe. It's not even remotely close to being true. The
people figuring out how to get other people to click on ads, are not the
smartest people of any generation. Amusingly the people in the ad-click
industry are the ones that spread that false premise (Hammerbacher) because it
feels better to pretend to be super smart and wasting it, rather than the
alternative.

The smartest people of this generation work at SpaceX. They work on the Large
Hadron Collider. They work for DARPA. They work for NASA or ESA or CNSA. They
work for AMD, TSMC, Intel, nVidia or ARM. They work on CRISPR. They work for
Intuitive Surgical or Illumina. They work for Boston Dynamics. They work for
Biogen. They're working on the next gene therapy or the next cure for a
massive killer disease ala Pharmasset. They're working on autonomous vehicles
for Waymo or Tesla. They're working on hypersonic weapons for the Russian or
Chinese militaries (which humiliates ad-click work by comparison to how
difficult it is and the mental capabilities that it requires). They're working
on new nuclear reactor technology. They're Jennifer Doudna or George Church,
not Jeff Hammerbacher & the ad teams at Facebook or Google.

~~~
9dev
Thank you for this comment. I often share the frustration with the "visible"
software market, eg. the loudest bunch on the internet, so it's easy to forget
all those great and inspiring projects and the people making them possible.

------
L_Rahman
The way you’re feeling is not just about your role as a computer worker but as
a worker in general.

There are three ways to break out of this:

1\. Play the game inside the system - work “really hard”, be “visible”,
demonstrate “strategic leadership” inside some game space like BigCo, VC-
backed flavor of the month. You will still likely be a cog, but with luck you
might be able to influence the edges of the game.

2\. Find an orthogonal vector into doing computer work - look outside the set
or opportunities typically presented to you and instead look at problems you
care about and whether you have an edge that lets you put together a team to
go solve it. Note that this works best with at least one other person, you
need someone in the trenches with you to keep morale up and even if you’re
both talented at the construction and people end of things it’s better one
specializes in each.

3\. Organize your fellow workers - we are quite possibly the single best paid,
most powerful group of workers in the history of humanity. There are efforts
to collect this power so that we may actually influence the decisions that get
made.

One last piece of advice, the way you feel in this moment is where anyone who
has ever done anything great has started. There is no assurance whatsoever
that you will achieve what you initially set out to build. But what you can
control is whether you try to do something or accept the existing structures
as they are.

Good luck!

------
smt88
> _it wasn 't supposed to feel like work it was supposed to be a calling_

Almost no job feels like this. Few people ever feel this way about what they
do for money.

My advice is to reduce your hours and find something you _are_ passionate
about. Facing clients probably isn't it (which I say from experience)

------
ThrowawayR2
The two types of people I have observed getting the sort of freedom you seek
are either technically brilliant (e.g. John Carmack) or business leader/owner
with a vision (e.g. Elon Musk or Steve Jobs). Anyone not in one of those two
categories and blessed with a healthy dose of luck (or wealthy to begin with),
well, yup, we're all worker bees.

Personally, being thoroughly mediocre myself, the best I can do is help
realize somebody else's vision. I choose jobs that ship interesting products,
usually for non-web stuff.

~~~
gyulai
...I think "ownership" is the only thing in that mix that will give you
freedom. Being technically brilliant does not automatically give you freedom.
Being a business leader with a vision does not automatically give you freedom.
Many people who do have a lot of freedom are neither technically brilliant nor
are they business leaders with a vision.

------
gyulai
...I think a lot of this sort of feeling comes from the "builder versus
creator" psychology.

A "builder" is someone who assembles furniture like from IKEA by following
instructions. A "creator" is someone who envisions furniture and makes their
vision come to life.

Most people get into tech because they want to be creators. Most people get
disillusioned about tech because of the way that industry constrains one into
the role of a builder.

~~~
spicymaki
I don’t agree! When I started programming, I was just copying BASIC code
samples out of COMPUTE! magazine and it was a blast. Just the act of typing in
the program, hitting run, and having it come to life was all I needed to have
fun.

I know a lot of productive engineers that just build miniature models of
things like cars, helicopters, and trains in their spare time. They do not
need to reinvent the wheel to be intellectually stimulated.

What makes people miserable is the incessant drum of you are meaningless in
life if you are not a creative savant.

~~~
gyulai
...a counterexample does not contradict a statement that starts with "Most
people ..." Also, I've never heard anyone suggest "You are meaningless in life
if you are not a creative savant."

------
devmunchies
become friends with _ambitious_ sales people. The right salesman can inspire
you to build something that he can sell. A good salesman tends to climb
company ladders and have connections (like with VCs or with other executives).
If you are friends with them and always bouncing off ideas and they land a VP
of sales role somewhere they can pull you up. Or maybe you start a company
with them.

That's something I look for at a company is the sales culture. connections is
like the most important thing for your career if you want to move above IC. My
last company's CTO was super impressed when I asked to shadow a sales call to
learn more about the customers... even if it was totally my plan all along to
look different than other engineers, that's the game.

Its not all about the other engineers you know.

~~~
jiofih
While correct, I don’t think this is what OP is looking for. They want
fulfillment as a software engineer and not necessarily career growth.

~~~
devmunchies
either way, sales is closer to the customer so learning to be part of the
feedback loop might make engineering more purposeful.

------
watwut
I dont know. You may try different company. I noticed similar trend while a
ago - our profession being increasingly pushed toward passive "do what I told
you and shut up" position. That is however general statement and you can find
places where it is different.

What I noticed is that it is better when direct leadership are people with
technical background and worst when you work under non-technical leader. In
first situation you are part of "us" for leader and thus more likely to be
listened to or given chance. In latter you are the "other" or "different kind
of person" and thus not seen as potential source of value.

~~~
sammorrowdrums
This - I almost got formally reprimanded for not doing what I was told, and I
explained that actually I was only trying to explain how some features the
non-technical product manager were suggesting were not scalable and couldn't
be done well as described.

It's hard to get the balance right, but I wouldn't want to work in a place
like that any longer, as the codebase would presumably be a nightmare.

Developers need to have some power to say "I can't do this well as scoped, is
there something we can change" sometimes technical debt is essential, but it's
a dialogue in a healthy company.

~~~
JamesBarney
I've found the best way to get non-technical people to make the right
technical decision is to explain how all of the technical trade offs of their
decision will impacts end users(in writing) and try to get their sign off.

"Hey Joe, yeah I'd love to add this new feature and I see how it could be
really valuable to the end user. But I just wanted to let you know that there
are some risks to this adding this feature. If we add this feature we'd be
responsible for performance issues that will significantly degrade the end
user experience. For instance it could change the time it takes to run a TPS
report from 5 minutes to hours. This probably would be fixable but it could
take up to 500+ hrs of engineering time. I have a couple ideas on some
alternate approaches if you'd like to discuss."

I've found that lots of people in corporate America avoid responsibility like
the plague, and being willing to take responsibility is like a super power.
95% of the time the other person will just do what I propose to make sure if
shit hits the fan I'm responsible for it instead of them. 4% of the time I
learn that this technical debt is really worth it. And 1% of the time at least
I got cover when it blows up.

------
chadcmulligan
Its the business response to having to need technology I believe, they've
created a walled garden where the IT people can live (in what they think IT
people want). The main reason is to limit the perceived need (by the IT
people) and keep costs under control. If they let the IT people out then
they'd just automate everything and go home, they want everything automated
but under their control. Everything is about control, all the stories they
tell you are to keep you under control.

------
qqqwerty
I started my career in a consulting company where I was doing technical work
with a lot of client interaction. I am now an engineer with very little client
facing responsibilities and am much happier. There were a few problems that I
experienced with client facing work. You basically have to answer to another
set of managers (a.k.a the clients) in addition to your actual managers. And
managing client relationships is an entirely different skill set from the
technical work. So if it doesn't come naturally to you it can be down right
exhausting to have to try and improve both people skills and the technical
skills. Also, missing client facing deadlines is much more serious than
letting internal deadlines slip, which adds to the stress.

If I ever decide to move more towards a client facing role again, I would
probably do one of two things. 1) Find a role that was very light on (or
eliminates) the technical work, and only focus on managing the client
relationships or 2) stay technical, but go the freelance route. If you are
going to have to deal with all of the stress of managing clients, you might as
well get the benefit of being your own boss.

Another thing to consider, appearances matter for these types of roles. And I
am not just talking about dressing slightly nicer and getting more frequent
haircuts. Nice smiles, firm handshakes, height, weight, etc... If that is not
something you naturally have, then you will always be at a disadvantage. It is
certainly not necessary, but it will definitely help. Looking sharp is not
something I am particularly pre-disposed to, So I find it rather nice that I
can wear jeans and t-shirt to my software engineering job while making just as
much if not more than the folks wearing the suits and ties.

------
artsyca
There are a lot of thoughtful and insightful comments in this thread which I
will look forward to reviewing with the care they deserve very grateful to
each and every one even the downvoted ones which I can totally understand too

In short it's this -- corporacy held such a promise that we would be something
far greater than ourselves

It's well known that an organization that designs systems is bound to design
systems which mirror the communication structures within the organization

It's also known that any sufficiently large software system becomes a half
baked implementation of common LISP with an email client tacked on for good
measure

You can tell a lot about a company by the software it creates and vice versa

Rather than fix corporacy as a means to write the best software we're slogging
along with a toxic casual mediocracy that's beginning to resemble a
surveillance state policed by petty bureaucrats where initiative is punished
in favour of disenfranchisement and the only way to build a career is to self
deal with the bullies

They say the only thing worse than running in politics is having others do it
same goes for corporations

As software and systems people we were supposed to fix the system from the
inside for everyone remember people over processes agile is a disruptive
paradigm and all that?

Instead we threw t-shirts at it and told it to fix itself

Somehow the tables have been turned on us and we've become the data you know
what I mean I never signed up to have someone less qualified to do my thinking
for me and force me into one of a few stereotyped roles while the bourgeois
brats take all the profits

I signed up to commune with gods and legends like Alan Turing do you suppose
he cracked the enigma just to clear the road for this shit?

~~~
artsyca
Or: are we letting our companies run us?

------
indigochill
>Everyone around me

Here's one problem. People will usually underestimate you because people who
are not programmers don't understand programming. When I broke into
programming, my managers at the time wanted me to do QA instead. However, in
my case they weren't really paying attention and weren't technically savvy,
nor did they really actually care, so I simply ignored them and worked on the
programming tasks instead. This doesn't always work, but I think knowing when
you can get away with breaking "the rules" is an important part of getting
ahead. Looking at mega-successes like Carmack and Jobs, they also didn't play
100% by the rules all the time.

It's also important to understand when it's beneficial to the company that you
break the rules. Because if you're just doing your own thing without a thought
to the company's needs, that will cause trouble. But if you break the rules in
a way that you bring more value to the company than your formal job
description dictates, then a smart manager will let you continue to do so (and
if they aren't smart, I recommend getting a new manager).

> but now the whole system is geared towards blind compliance and
> disengagement

This sounds to me more like a company culture problem than necessarily an
industry problem. My division is in the business of breaking blind compliance
and challenging assumptions both within our own division and the rest of the
company. Maybe have an eye open to other opportunities?

> creating something of lasting value for the world and society and even my
> own legacy

This may be the most challenging bit. There's lots of value out there, but
it's coming from competing value systems. So you would first need to identify
what exactly this value looks like to you (Making the best educational
software in the world? Operating robust communications networks within
disaster areas? Building a better fundraising platform for nonprofits?
Catching human traffickers with machine learning? The list is endless.) and
then look for companies that are delivering that.

------
brailsafe
Well, I'm definitely comsidering this as well, and I don't have anything
definitive yet for you. I do have some ideas though, and I agree that it's
fucking depressing being basically a high paid grunt doing work that needs to
be stimulating but often isn't.

My main ideas are 1) Working on more significant but shorter term finishable
projects, at a higher level. Taking inspiration from movie directors,
cinematographers, and high level architects, being more of a high level
problem solver and compositor is something that seems compelling. 2) I don't
have a 2 yet. Maybe doing more independent speaking or switching fields. Not
sure

------
wasdfff
Find a company that values your brain and input, rather than your typing
speed. This should be obvious from who you are interacting with during your
interview. Is it some faceless member of HR or the guy with the button?

------
lcall
To me, the most important thing is to fit one's career in with one's overall
purpose and goals in life. Like, to make sure the ladder of success is not
leaning against the wrong wall (Covey). I've written much more including a
link to the 7 habits wikipedia page (a simple site, no ads or JS):
[http://lukecall.net/e-9223372036854588981.html](http://lukecall.net/e-9223372036854588981.html)
, in what I hope is a very browseable/skimmable format.

------
arexxbifs
The thing with computer science is that many of the big names around are old
enough to have experienced the golden age of CS, when working with computers
on pretty much any level was still mainly about exploration and invention.
Knuth, Thompson, Kernighan, Kay, Goldberg... Extremely creative and highly
intelligent people, no doubt, but they also made their bones when computers
were scarce, primitive and still viewed with reverent awe.

There are few places like Xerox PARC and Bell Labs around today. Because they
are few and far between and there are plenty of programmers and CS students,
they can pick and choose among the very best.

Other than that, software and software development is a commodity. If you want
to do something other than just coding things to spec, you have to actually
put in hard work, take risks and have a fair bit of luck to boot.

What is it that you want to create? Do you have an idea? Can you monetize it?
If you're in it for the fame and glory rather than money, look into FOSS. If
you're looking for a managerial position, start applying for managerial jobs.

------
lorantz
If computer science stops feeling fun, maybe try something else more
challenging or if that isn't appealing or financially doable maybe try
mentoring or volunteering. I think volunteering and teaching kids to code
reminds you of all the fun coding can be by just seeing that excitement in
their faces and reminds me to feel grateful I get to solve puzzles all day.

But truly tech is massive, if one space feels robotic find another section of
it that feels impossible to conquer and chip away at it and network and work
your way in and enjoy the new challenge knowing it's just fun. I don't think
anything can stay a "calling" but I like to hope things stay fun for me in my
job, also truly if the material is fun without the people in your office it
might not be the subject matter but the people you're doing the job with that
are making it difficult to enjoy. So that's my two cents! Good luck, stranger!

------
loopz
A professional do other's bidding for money, which means you don't have much
say in the matter. While your smile might be fake or naive, if you seek
different roles, reach out to other departments, network, you may carve a
niche of opportunity for yourself. Not so merely doing other people's work.

------
WheelsAtLarge
This is exactly where your side project and/Volunteering comes in. Successful
professional are not just good at their craft but at dealing with people.

Your job is to use your side projects to improve your people skills. Your side
project will let you do whatever you want. So make a plan and do what you
need.

------
silveroriole
What do you actually want to do? If it’s just client interaction and being
able to make decisions, that can easily be found in small companies or often
by becoming more senior. Personally I moved away from that back to “solving
problems”, because I want to be a professional programmer, not a professional
client-schmoozer or manager even if that’s what makes the big bucks.

If it’s lasting value for the world and a legacy, I’m not sure software
provides that in spades. How often do you think about MySpace now Facebook is
here? Altavista now Google is here? Software is pretty transient and even if
you do something first, your competitors will probably be the guys that get
remembered, not you and your team. Maybe that’s not what you mean though.

------
ChuckMcM
In my experience this is sort of a good news/bad news situation.

The good news is that feeling as you do, it often means you are self aware
enough to have reached the point where you see life is just a journey, there
is no end point other than death, and the meaning of life is what you put into
the journey.

The bad news is that it reads like you are feeling that, so far, you've not
used the time on your journey well.

That can be dangerous, as it can lead to depression, jealousy, and a whole
host of emotional roller coasters before you get to the point that you realize
you're actually in control of your journey[1].

You wrote "Everyone around me from management to the HR apparatus and even my
peers seem geared towards me remaining a non-client facing worker bot."

Step one is to recognize your own agency in your journey.

You could resign your job tomorrow, just walk in and say "Oh hey, my last day
will be Friday, could you let HR know so they can have my final paycheck
ready?" That is using your agency to change the circumstances of your life.
That said, I don't recommend it, since that would be jumping in without a plan
and that leads to a bumpy journey with a lot of risk.

You've got the start of a plan going in this question, you write "How can I
... become the consummate professional I've always wanted to be?" (some
editing there to pull out the goal statement). Spend a couple of hours with a
notebook (or an open editing window) and let your thoughts flow on what would
be true, how your life would look, what your job would look like, what your
resume would look like, when you were this 'consummate professional.'

You might write "I would be the chief/lead engineer on the development of new
products for my company." or "I would be leading a team of <n> engineers who
were working to build the next <y>." Etc. Remove the shackles from your brain
and reality and write down anything you want, even silly things like "Elon
Musk would report to me." (that being way outside the 'box' and highly
unlikely but speaks to part of your life satisfaction being derived from
having managerial authority over 'celebrities' as an example).

The goal of the exercise is to convert a feeling of 'want' into concrete
expressible and measurable things that would address that ambition.

Once you have a list, rank them from 'things I could do in my current
position' to 'things I could only do if I was a superhero.'

Start with the head of the list and work your way through it. You will want to
check in with your feelings to verify it is still what you want. As with most
things, you might find that you think you want something, only to find as you
get closer you want something else.

At the start of every month write a note on your calendar or your refrigerator
that says what you are working on this month. At the end of the month do a
retro on how well you did and what you learned about what you want, how you
got it (or didn't get it), and how it changed your outlook on the next step.

Since all consummate professionals have discipline, this activity will
exercise those skills you need. Good luck, and remember, you get out of life
what you put in.

[1] Well at least it did in me.

~~~
synthmeat
You know, I was already acutely aware of all this you mention... and I still
needed a reminder. Thank you for that.

    
    
      0. [ ] this list
      1. ...

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huh_no_email
> Everyone around me from management to the HR apparatus and even my peers
> seem geared towards me remaining a non client facing worker bot content with
> my perks and not harboring any ambitions beyond 'solving challenging
> problems' as a means to elicit that dopamine rush towards the collective ego

You have a perception problem and need to find a strategy to break that. You
can do it in a variety of ways from finding a new job and a clean start, to
putting forth great ideas to management/peers that add value (be careful to
receive credit for them most of the time).

------
programmarchy
You’ll have to be willing to take on some risk. First, define your market
position. What type of professional are you and what value do you provide?

------
PopeDotNinja
Get your own customers.

------
llarsson
Get closer to the research side. Either of some big company or by pursuing a
PhD at a university.

You still have to do your professional craft (software engineering), but the
purpose will be different.

You sound like you lack purpose, not like you dislike your area of expertise.

------
JamesBarney
Do you want to solve harder technical problems or transition to solving people
problems?

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jacobwilliamroy
Maybe tell your boss that you don't like your job anymore and want to do a
different one. What new job would you like to do?

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kissgyorgy
If you want to feel alive, you can work for a startup or try making your own
company.

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peterwwillis
I think what you're really looking for is meaning. You can be a 'consummate
professional' by 'solving challenging problems' in the very best way you can,
but it seems like this just doesn't hold much personal meaning for you
anymore. I think you can do a couple things to find meaning in your work.

First I'd suggest not thinking of your work as 'writing code'. Think of it as
'producing a product', 'helping users', 'facilitating economic and social
progress'. Re-gear what you do around those ideas. It reframes what you're
doing from just 'mindless mechanical labor' to actually improving someone's
life, or enhancing the value of some part of society. If you don't feel like
your work is doing that, either change how you do your work, or do some other
work.

You can focus more on performing the task at hand at the highest level you
can. This might involve going back to school, attending conferences/seminar on
your subject, compiling lists of inefficiencies with your current work
methods, trying to figure out how to work around problems in your current
workflows or methods and how to solve them in really beautiful, simple ways.

You can look past the task at hand, and look at what it's being used for.
What's the end goal? What can you contribute to that has to do with that? It
might be a deeper understanding of how someone uses what you create, finding
out problems or inefficiencies in those use cases, and working on how to solve
those from your position.

You can also work on things outside your immediate purview that relate to
either the task at hand or ultimate goal. Maybe there's something in the SDLC
that's inefficient or creating unnecessary problems. Maybe there's outside
groups that have inefficiencies. Maybe there's communication problems, process
problems, business problems. What is really involved in the entire value chain
of this thing you're working on? How can you contribute, even if it means not
working on code? How can you improve the whole process, the whole business?

And you can think bigger. How is society impacted by this thing you're working
on? What changes could you make at a level outside your organization that
would help? Can you get engaged in civil organizations? Can you work directly
with communities that have to do with this product? Can you organize a PAC of
some sort?

Last thing I'd add is to beware a mindset of trying to 'change the world' or
'fix big problems'. I think these are negative perspectives, because they
assume the world needs changing, or that things are broken. People that get
passionate about an idea often drift toward a more extreme position than is
realistic. I've gained a lot more from the perspective of "nothing is or ever
will be perfect, but I can try to constantly improve things over time and help
people". Often this is just improving tiny little things one at a time, or
teaching by example. Cumulatively, it does change the world, but without big
expectations, assumptions or implications hung on it.

------
bsaul
have you tried freelancing ? customer-supplier relationship is very different
from employer/employee. it’s hard at first because you have to negociate a
deal, but it gives a lot of freedom.

------
dchasson
Professions are practiced

------
elfexec
"What is my purpose".

"You pass butter".

Welcome to the real world. It beats you down and keeps you down. But the key
is to keep going on. Stick to the sisyphean task of rolling the rock back up
the mountain.

It sounds like you are burnt out or having a midlife crisis, so good luck
finding whatever it is you are looking for.

------
jdkee
Subscribe to a post-capitalism world.

------
webkike
lol

