
Ask HN: What streetsmarts have you learnt? - Terry_B
Hey guys,<p>I was listening to a podcast that made me realize how I'm surrounded by book smart people and am mostly book smart myself. I'm sure this describes a lot of people here on HN.<p>As an aspiring entrepreneur I'm striving to become more street smart and to be able to persuade people, not get screwed over, negotiate well, create and see opportunities, be able to make things happen that other people can't etc etc.<p>What stories do people have of experiences, lessons, things they have seen or read that they feel have taught them some more street smarts? Would love to hear them.<p>The irony of looking for books on how to become more street smart is not lost on me btw.<p>Thanks!
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AnonynonyCoward
The most limited resource you have is not money, it is time. One Year of your
life is a HUGE piece of your life. If life expectancy is around 70, and you
don't really get full control of your life until you're around 20, then you
have 50 years of life that you can direct as you will. One year is a whopping
2% of that. So wasting even a year being stuck in a crappy job or otherwise
undesirable situation is a bad bad deal, even if you're getting paid big
money. You need to be doing whatever it is that you really want to be doing,
whatever it is that you're innately wired for and drawn to ... and you need to
be doing it _right now_. If not, then you need to be _on a road that will get
you there_ , and that road needs to have a realistic chance of getting you
there _very soon_. Because remember, 50 years is the _optimistic_ number. You
might only have 5, or 1. Stop chasing the dollar or whatever else leads you
astray, and start doing whatever it is you are "meant" to be doing. ASAP.

~~~
Tichy
Just wanted to say that I just printed your comment to stick it on my wall.

Thanks for the lucid formulation. Even though I have been thinking like this
all along, it is nice to have a succinct reminder.

------
snowbird122
Bring your boss options, not problems. Your boss has plenty of problems. Don't
add to the collection. When you bring options, you also get the chance to
influence the direction of the company. One problem at a time.

~~~
ryanpetrich
It's taken me a long time to learn this one. This will likely be the best
advice in the entire thread.

~~~
nandemo
That puzzles me because it's pretty conventional, "bookish" advice. It's the
sort of advice you're likely to hear in any business-related course, book or
blog. Try googling ' "your boss" options OR solutions "not problems" '.

I'm not saying that it's bad advice, but it's only a start, and it can fail
you in many, many ways.

 _Edit_ : I realize my comment wasn't very constructive so here are some
examples.

1) your girlfriend has gained weight. Instead of just telling her that
straight out -- which is usually a bad idea, of course -- some people think
it's a good idea to offer her "options", like offering to eat healthier with
her or doing exercise together. But this won't fool your girlfriend. You're
still telling her that she's fat and she very likely won't be happy about it.

Often your boss won't be happy to hear you pointing out problems no matter how
good your solutions are.

Also, when you point out problems you might make other people or teams look
bad, _especially_ if your solutions are good.

2) Your boss might be a "sociopath" (not literally) and will use your
"options" against you.

[http://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/11/11/the-gervais-
principle-i...](http://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/11/11/the-gervais-principle-ii-
posturetalk-powertalk-babytalk-and-gametalk/)

~~~
dasil003
The Gervais Principle is an awesome read, and I might even be convinced that
it applies to a majority of workplaces, but that whole dynamic is one thing
that people who work at startups are actively avoiding. I'm not saying it
doesn't happen in startups, but it doesn't happen in successful startups (at
least until >50 employees or so).

Also, fwiw, I wouldn't classify the Gervais Principle as street smarts. It's
more like a parallel "bureaucracy smarts" that only makes sense in an
artifically controlled environment like a large company. Whereas true street
smarts are the kinds of things that would serve a street hustler just as well
as an entrepreneur because they are applicable to all uncontrolled human
interactions.

~~~
nandemo
You make two very good points. I basically agree with everything you say
above. I just have to point out that my comment wasn't intended to be an
example of "street smarts" itself, but rather challenge that the grandparent
post was so.

~~~
dasil003
yeah I sorta got that but hijacked the response with my own agenda, hence the
'fwiw' ;)

------
lionhearted
Track record, track record, track record, track record. Look at the track
record. Track records don't lie. Track record, track record, track record.

Someone fired from all their jobs is probably going to be a menace later in
some form or fashion.

Someone who ended all their relationships on bad terms is going to end on bad
terms with you.

Strong starters/non-finishers are going to start strong but likely won't be
able to close it out without extra help later... which you might be oblivious
to, because they'd started so strongly.

Track records don't lie. Unless you're _really_ good at spotting diamonds in
the rough, don't grab someone with a bad track record for an important role in
your business and life. I've learned this one the hard way too many times. I
still get tempted with, "Wow, this guy/girl is so amazing, the problem must've
been the other people..."

I'm trying to not do that any more. Once? Quite possibly a fluke. Twice?
Maybe... Three times? That's a track record. Also, people will always say
they've changed. It's probably a bad idea to be the first person to test out
whether it's real or not.

~~~
ekanes
Great advice. This is why it's VERY IMPORTANT to actually call references if
you're considering hiring someone (or co-founding with someone, I suppose.)

<sidetracking into hiring lessons-learned...>

If you're nervous about calling, just remember that IF the person is great,
their references will be falling all over themselves to tell you so. They'll
be happy to talk to you. (In small companies, big companies may be HR
stonewalling...) You're not bothering them, you're giving them an opportunity
to tell you about this GREAT person and why you'd be insane not to hire them.

The clues are often found in the pauses, and what's unsaid. People don't like
saying bad things about other people, so don't listen for that so much as
cautious answers...

Eg.

"Would you hire them again?"

a) _pause_ Uh, yeah, I'm sure we would.

versus

b) In a heartbeat. We would absolutely hire them again. I'm hoping we can
someday when our department gets more funding.

Lastly, a trick when you don't reach someone on a reference call. Say who you
are, and ask that they call you back _if the person was incredible_

That way they can send you a message without saying anything bad directly (and
this happens...)

</random hiring lessons-learned>

------
JangoSteve
I usually write full posts on this sort of thing, so I'll just pick one very
simple (albeit very important) lesson I've learned the hard way:

 _You haven't made money until it's in the bank._

~~~
nandemo
I also learned this the hard way.

I was still in high-school and it was one of my first programming gigs. Got
screwed for about U$250, a small fortune for me at that time (IIRC about 3
times the monthly minimum wage in my country).

In a way it was good to have that experience early: it seems that most people
don't learn that lesson unless they learn it the hard way.

Then I learned the importance of having written contracts for everything, and
then later I learned that contracts can't solve the problem, only mitigate it.
You have to select your clients, bill often, etc. But you have do it
diplomatically, you can never suggest to your client that you think he'll
possibly screw you.

~~~
mrtron
Got screwed for about 10x that in high school for one of my first programming
gigs and about 100x that during university.

The worst part was in the latter situation I was really expecting to be
screwed over but the expected value of the situation still made it worthwhile.

Getting paid on time is surprisingly difficult.

------
erikstarck
Yesterday I was told a story about a successful man who was asked "how did you
become successful?".

"Two words", he replied. "Right decisions".

"So, how do you make the right decisions?"

"One word: experience".

"OK, so how do you get experience?"

"Two words", the man replied: "wrong decisions".

Yeah, I know. Pretty corny. :)

~~~
ahoyhere
This is an old saw! The way he delivered it dates back to, apparently, a kind
of wandering Indian sufi-style legend.

------
r0s
_Eighty percent of success is showing up._ -Woody Allen

Punctuality has paid off well for me. Seriously, show up to work on time
everyday and make everyone look bad in comparison.

Customer service has also been a very valuable experience, dealing with a
whole range of people. Learning the art has given me the confidence to
interact with _anyone_ , from executive to teenager, co-worker to police
officer. Persuading isn't really my forte, but my bullshit detector is well
honed.

My advice is get a job in a fast paced but low risk service environment that
serves a range of people, the classic example is waiting tables. Master this
and then use what you've learned.

~~~
alexgartrell
IMHO, making everyone else look bad is about the worst thing you could ever
do. It's highly unlikely that your manager will carry more weight in 10 (or
even 2) years than everyone else you've ever worked with. Beyond that, your
coworkers are a lot more likely to be your friends than your manager.

Basically, if you want to look good, do really great work and bring as many of
your coworkers (and hopefully friends) into the fold as possible. When you're
willing to share successes, you end up having a lot more of them, and credit
will find its way to you.

~~~
r0s
Good point.

------
AnonynonyCoward
This is from Jerry Weinberg, and also directly from my own experience. When
you're paid to help someone accomplish a goal (whether as employee or
consultant), you can only help in the areas where _they are giving you
permission to help._ You may see some area where the company is misguided, and
you may indeed have the knowledge or skill to help that area tremendously. But
if they are not giving you permission to help that area, then you will only
hurt yourself and the company by trying to "force" your help in that area.
Stick to areas where they've given you permission, and learn to let the rest
roll off your back like water off a duck. Over time, that may even gain you
opportunities to help in other areas as well.

~~~
GMWeinberg
...and, perhaps, over time, you can learn more about about getting invitations
into new areas.

~~~
AnonynonyCoward
Jerry, is that really you? Your books have taught me so much I feel like
you're an old friend. Yes, learning to get those invitations is going "meta"
in a very good way. I'll take any tips you have.

------
Maven911
I really don't like the word "street smarts". Mostly because I am a book smart
person. I've heard the same refrain self-proclaimed over and over again since
high school "I might not get good grades, but at least I have street smarts".

Street smarts is really just a euphimism for doing bad academically. Now I do
acknowledge that that there are a lot of important skills such as knowing how
to sell, talk to people, make a pitch, get along,...but I would call that
"social skills" or "social smarts"...not "street smarts"

Street smarts for me is literally knowing how to handle the streets...like a
drug-dealer would...

~~~
prawn
Have seen this related line before:

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, I'm street smart", all I hear is
"I'm not real smart, I'm imaginary smart."

~~~
dasil003
Well, anytime anyone proclaims themselves smart, they are, at best, insecure
about their intelligence.

Declaring yourself street smart is especially ironic since an actual street
smart person would be looking to conceal their true intelligence.

------
kilian
I have two things:

1\. _Just ask._ Seriously. There is so much that people want but don't get
simply because they don't ask and assume the person will reply negatively
anyway. Asking doesn't cost anything.

2\. _if you can figure something out, say you can already do it_. Obviously,
you need to know your abilities here. But if someone asks a quote to do
something in Tech X, and you think you might but haven't done anything with
it...just say yes. People like confident people. and I'm sure you like new
well-paying, interesting projects. (The caveat here is that you need to know
what to say yes to.)

------
AnonynonyCoward
Look at people's actions, not their words, and it becomes pretty obvious what
they're working towards. Some people and companies have _incredible_
smokescreens. The most powerful smokescreens usually have to do with claims of
morality, often tied to religion. The best of these smokescreens will fool
almost everyone around. But if you look at actions and ignore words, you will
be able to see right through such smokescreens, giving you significant insight
that will help you in your situation.

------
sankyo
if you want to get people to buy into your idea, you often have to convince
them that the idea was their own.

------
adsyoung
I read something once that said you should do as many deals as possible.

In theory, whenever you do a deal (a good deal), you are getting something you
want and so is the other party. So the more deals you do, the more progress
you are making towards things that you want and hopefully only giving up
things you are happy to give up.

I have to say I haven't done as many deals as I would like.

Part of doing deals seems to be having the imagination and experience to think
about what is possible simply as habit, rather than just accepting the
standard way that people do things by default. It's a hard habit to learn.

~~~
csmeder
The red paper clip guy would seem to support this idea
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_red_paperclip>

------
spitfire
Always look straight ahead when at the urinal.

------
bonsaitree
Overt initial intimidation is usually an attempt to mask a weakness or
fundamental flaw ( _Thanks Dad!_ ).

This lesson has applied equally well to middle-school brawls, sports
competitions, college professors, and litigious organizations.

------
RevRal
On crafting a good personal character there are two words: _convincingness_
and _credibility_. In any situation, you must always be convincing in what you
do and say, and in a way that puts you in a good light without undermining
your credibility.

This doesn't just mean "don't lie" or "don't get caught lying." It means that
whatever courses of action you choose to take, you have to make sure that they
are convincing and congruent with the environment. A magician is very
convincing.

Things aren't always about facts but about emotions, what people _see_ , or
how things appear, and about the people you surround yourself with -- the
people others will see, then proceed to judge you by -- and how you handle
yourself in budding relationships. Don't be afraid to accept favors and give
favors without the presumption of your favor being returned. Franklin has said
something on this to the effect of "ask to borrow people's books, even though
you don't intend on reading it."

~~~
bonsaitree
So true.

When someone new moved into the neighborhood, my Dad used to always go over
and attempt to borrow a simple hand tool.

Keep in mind, (at that point) my father had been a mechanic in the Marines, a
butcher and chef for over 20 years, and a serious cabinet-maker for over a
decade. He already had every tool he needed.

His purpose was to "ask a favor" to simply start-up a conversation and a
relationship. It's amazing what you can establish by simply asking a stranger
for "a small favor".

------
redorb
reevaluate your situation often to make sure that you are getting paid per
your value / not per the hour or age or need. It's important to make sure that
you know your value.

~~~
arethuza
I would add that you need to get paid in relation to the value you are
creating for who is paying and less about your own perceived value of the work
- which is usually based on totally different metrics to that of the client.

------
rogerclark
The artificial dichotomy of "book smarts" vs. "street smarts" is a poisonous
one.

~~~
r0s
You could say "education" vs. "experience". I've seen company trained managers
implode in tears on a sales floor, first week on the job.

------
etherael
Very little exists within a vacuum, whenever you make an important choice
you're choosing a philosophical position. Always understand the angle of the
factions you align yourself with, pick accordingly.

Things are rarely so cut and dried nowadays that you can easily understand
what factions you're aligning yourself with so careful analysis is called for.
Who do you work for? What do they do? Why do they do it this way? What are
their dependencies, what is the ecosystem that each of these dependencies
links into, and so on, and so forth.

Also, good way to analyse something from a competitive perspective too,
weaknesses become clear. Everything has them, it's just a question of what's
important to you.

------
dbz
I hope this comment is taken the right way. I don't want to boast, but I have
to say some things which will sound like bragging (even though it isn't) in
order explain my 'ness' =]. Furthermore, a lot of what I say may be
controversial to some and won't be appreciated. Also, I can't recommend you do
anything I do, because even though it works for me, it will most likely have
unintended consequences for you.

I use my street smarts every day. I may say the same thing to ten people ten
different ways- not because I want to `change things up,` but because I
analyze and judge everyone I meet upon every occasion I have. It also helps
that my verbal IQ is off the charts (and therefore placed in the 99.99th
percentile). This allows me to articulate and find words that accurately
represent the people I meet, and understand them more. (Please note I am
dyslexic and have processing difficulties which mean how I write is not
representative of my verbal IQ because I can't process fast enough while
writing to say coherently what I think like I can when I am talking. <\-
example there)

(1) Analyze every person and remember it

The importance of what I am doing is used when I get in a sticky situation.
_There are two types of people, those who give excuses, and those who solve
problems_. I use what I learn and assume(#1) about people to describe to them
in the most effective way possible what needs to be done. When I present ideas
to people, I don't present ideas- _I present the problem and why the idea
solves it_. (#1 cont. Don't tell a person what you assume about his or her
character- not only is it unbecoming, it will probably piss him or her off
unless it is a special circumstance)

(2) Become the person who is (known for) immediately _solving_ problems

I, unfortunately, break a commandment more than I should. I lie. When I lie, I
don't think that the most important thing is not to get caught. I think about
how the lie is helpful, and how I am going to expose the lie later ESPECIALLY
if the person knows I am lying. For example, I had a tutor who was approaching
a subject I could not talk about for a reason I will not explain. This is the
kind of guy who will not accept an "excuse" for not talking about a subject
regardless of the validity. In this circumstance, talking about the subject
(it was personal) would be detrimental to our working relationship and the
time would be better spent working on something else..So I lied. I did not lie
elaborately, but I lied in a fashion where I knew he would believe me. Three
hours after he left, I wrote him an email apologizing for my lie, explaining
why I did it and the benefits it had. He was not upset about it, but
understanding and appreciated the honesty, ironic huh?

(3) Choose your words carefully

Nothing is free. When you accept something from a friend, even if it is
explicitly spoken that no strings are attached, you owe them. Of course this
may actually be the kind of person where he or she truly believes that you do
not owe them anything, but expect it. _When you deliver a favor, unless
explicitly stated and agreed upon, the person receiving the favor owes you
nothing_ , so don't ask for anything in return. I know, I am saying " _Be the
person you do not expect anyone else to be_ ". However, if you want to enter
show biz and need connections and will have to rely on people to make your way
to the top, make damn sure you can rely on who you are relying on.

(4) _Low expectations cost you nothing, but let you reap the benefits of
positive events_

Unfortunately, a lot of the _rules_ I live by don't allow me to be an open
person. I don't like to talk about myself, ect. Today, I had a very in-depth
conversation with a friend who I consider to be one of my closed friends. She
is one of my closed friends because I know if were in another state- and I
needed a way to get somewhere else, she would drop everything and drive cross
country to help me. I talked to her today about some of my problems and I
brought her to tears. She explained how she feels like she didn't know me very
well and how she feels like she has failed as a friend because she didn't know
me better, and she wished that she could have "watched movies and ate ice
creme with" me during all the times I have had trouble because of depression
or my pet dying ect. because that's what she would have done. I had to explain
to her that it wasn't her fault but mine for being the kind of person who
isn't sharing. At the moment, lots of bad things are happening to me even
though I don't deserve them (I'm not going to talk to everyone about them, but
I talked to her about them), and she got very angry, and didn't understand why
I am so forgiving to others. Why don't I hold grudges? Why did I forgive her
for being a "bad" friend? Why am I understanding when I _shouldn't_ be? Why
don't I just accept (things)? I responded with,

(5 part 1) _Forgive and Forget(However, learn the lessons of the situation.),
Cut your losses, Make your next plan, and execute._ [I'm clearly an introvert]
(5 part 2) _Most heroes fail before they become successful_

Most of what I have said applies to my weird social situations. One last piece
of advice which is on my mind- I have purposefully saved for last. When you
are in egypt, please don't accept a tour of the mountains in the valley of the
kings from a kind local (long story). Again, when you are above under-ground
tombs and locals want to give you a tour. Please don't take it (long story).
Furthermore, if you are going to take it, PLEASE walk behind them. (Again long
story).

(6) _Just because you can, doesn't mean you should_ \- Well, that is all I can
think of off the top of my head. This is unedited and probably contains
errors. I can also see you saying I am FOS. But you need to realize, _We all
live in our own world_. I'd appreciate anything anyone has to say to me-
especially if you think I am FOS, but please- respond tactfully.

~~~
roel_v
What's 'FOS' ?

~~~
RevRal
Full of shit.

------
hardik
May sound simplistic:

* Communicating with others what you feel.

* It is mostly chaos, everywhere.

* Do not drop your ideas thinking "Its so simple, someone must have already done it." People do much less that what you may expect"

* A very very small percentage of people within any system understand the "full picture"

------
drKarl
When dealing with someone, especially a co-worker, tell them about their
mistakes privately and praise their succeses in public.

------
dasil003
Just wanted to say this is one of the best Ask HN topics ever.

I wish I had some street smarts to distill down to a comment, but it's
difficult.

At 31 I feel like I'm getting my feet under me in that department a little
bit. When I look back at myself at 21 it's almost embarrassing how naïve I
was. I guess the biggest thing for me was just thinking more actively about
other people's interests and motivations. It's sort of disillusioning and
machiavellian in a way, but if you don't you will get taken advantage of.

------
patricia
Mine: 1\. Loose lips sink ships 2\. There is no deal until a contract is sign,
and then once a contract is signed, no deal until the check cashes. 3\. Have a
good attorney

------
tayip9
The biggest thing I've learned over the years is to take into account
different perspectives in any sort of situation. Whether it is conflict
resolution or negotiations, you open up possibilities when you look at things
in someone else's shoes. This also works great in problem solving. When I get
stuck on a problem, I think about how a person admire might tackle the
problem.

------
Debugreality
Developing the core functionality is only 30% (or less) of the work, creating
a finished product requires a lot of spit and polish!

~~~
mynameishere
Those are some pretty rough streets you run in.

------
arethuza
People often criticize of their own weaknesses.

When making a sales pitch to solve a problem, confidence is _everything_.

Intelligence is not a scalar quantity.

When on the receiving end of a sales pitch, make sure that the technical guy
making the pitch are actually responsible for the delivery.

Marketing and sales are generally more important than technology.

------
AnonynonyCoward
From my grandfather: Be good if you can, and if you can't, then be good at it.
Be good if you can, and if you can't, then name it after me. Be good if you
can, and if you can't, don't get caught. Be good if you can, and if you can't,
have fun.

------
ErrantX
I've learned three things.

1) Most of the time stuff works itself out so long as you don't let it worry
you too much.

2) Being _sincerely_ polite, courteous and helpful will take you a long way

3) If you get trod on, snap their foot off and beat them into submission
(metaphorically).

------
garply
If you are buying something by weight, bring a scale with you.

To prevent people from stalling or from providing poor service, find something
to threaten them with. Examples that I find myself saying frequently: "Let me
talk to your boss", "I will report you to the authorities", "If you don't
follow through on your end of the bargain, I'm going to take you to court."

A similar tactic: when bargaining, pull out the money that you're willing to
pay, say "I'm willing to give you this much for that item, if you don't accept
it, I'm leaving" - and then leave if they don't immediately accept. Usually
you will have what you want at the given price within the minute.

------
roel_v
Many of the replies so far are more 'general life advise' answers. To me
'street smarts' is what the rich people that I know are - none of them have
degrees, but they're all wealthier than the educated people like doctors,
lawyers, engineers etc. around here. These are all people who run retail or
wholesale businesses, small chains of Walmart-style shops, building materials,
run contracting/real estate development companies, even fast food joints -
that sort of thing. These people can't tell Australia from Africa if you give
them a map, and none of them have ever heard about a sine or integral or
Pointcare's conjecture, yet they drive Maseratis and have dozens of
properties. Why did these guys succeed and others businesses fail or barely
make enough to live off? That is what street smarts is to me, what these
entrepreneurs have that made their businesses a success, and what others
lacked.

Anyway in trying to identify the nature of this street smarts, I have analyzed
some of these people that I know, asking them questions that are still
appropriate (i.e., not straight-out asking them about money) and don't make me
look like a weirdo as much as I could, and keeping in mind a certain sort of
anti-intellectualism that many of them exhibit (and that, in some cases, has
paid off very well for them). I recognize that my thought processes are so far
away from theirs that it's very easy to fall back into cargo-cult imitation,
but still, I think that a large part of their success is in their deal-making
capabilities. This breaks apart in two phases: phase one is connecting to the
right people, phase two is making the actual, concrete deal.

Phase 1 is facilitated by having a large network, just knowing many people,
and this is done by being a person that people want to be around with - be a
nice guy, but not a pushover, be confident, dominant without being an asshole,
and be in general nice to be around. This is a hard challenge to me, it isn't
easy to get to know as many people as possible, letting them know what you do
and finding out what they do, and making that all happen naturally. E.g. it's
easy to 'meet' random people by chatting them up in the supermarket - but how
will you tell them what business you're in? Smalltalk about the weather will
only get you so far, how do you (efficiently, i.e. without turning them into
full-blown friends with the associated time investment) get them to the point
where they remember you as the go-to guy in your line of business, or get them
to the point where you can call them when you need something, so that you
always have an 'acquaintance' for whatever you need, who you can call?

Then there is phase 2, which can basically be summed up by "at any point in
any any negotiation, you need to remain willing to drop everything and just
walk away". This means being very aware of cognitive biases such as loss
aversion etc. You have to be tough as nails here - be on friendly terms with
people, so that they want to help you out, yet not exploit them because that
will blow your relationship with them. You have to get people to a point where
they are _happy_ if they can do you a favor.

This is already getting too long, but let me share with you one (in my
opinion) example of 'street smarts' that the Belgian and German readers will
recognize: the soccer keeper (goalie) Jean-Marie Pfaff. He used to be the
keeper for the Belgian national team, he also played for Bayern Munchen in the
90's I think. Anyway he has a reality TV show now, his daughters are models
and kinda famous so they all ride the tails of his fame now, kinda like Hulk
Hogan.

Anyway like I said, he has this reality TV show. In one episode, and this
really struck me, there was a guy who was living in the same village as Jean-
Maria and he came to the door of his villa, rang the bell and dropped off a
bag of potatoes. Not ordered or anything, he had just harvested, has potatoes,
and thought to drop off this bag. He was so eager to please this rich/famous
guy that he'd out of nowhere brought him a 3 euro bag of potatoes. That, to
me, means that this Pfaff guy has street smarts - he manages to be so likable
that people that they do thing they'd not do for others.

~~~
ibagrak
100% agree with parent. I guess I subscribe to more or less the same notion of
what street smarts are.

To me it's all about people and relationships. The older I get the more I
evidence I have in support of this simple fact.

I was a CS major once, and I thought it was all about technology. That it was
technology that changed the world and drove progress, saved the day and dashed
out miracles. I thought that building something created meaning and brought
satisfaction to the builder, and naturally I also believed that good builders
were the most successful ones. But it's not that. The successful builder is
the one who understands those he is building it for and those he is building
it with. That's what sets success apart. Then there is socioeconomic
background and all that.

Understand life is precious. Value other people. Never be a means to an end
for someone else. If you are, get out of that situation as soon as you can.

Hold your ground for things that matter. If you think something matters think
about whether the things you thought mattered 5 years ago still matter as much
now. Pore over your decisions, and learn from your mistakes.

Learn what motivates people. This is especially hard to do when you are an
introvert, which many people with engineering background tend to be. The
reason it's difficult is because most people are motivated by other things.
Once you get a handle on what motivates those around you, learn to motivate
and influence other people. I don't mean use, I mean lead. I don't mean cheat,
I mean compromise.

Separate business and family life. This goes back to knowing what really
matters. Jobs come and go. You only get a few shots to surround yourself with
the right kind of people for the long run.

No matter what you do, never lie to yourself. This is probably the worst thing
you can do, as far as I am concerned. Much better to live with not so pleasant
truth than to live a life of self-deception.

Just my 2c.

------
gsk
Have compassion. Without compassion, I would not have saved someone very close
to me from debilitating alcoholism, I would not have worked my life around to
be able to work on a startup for the past six months (and know I will have the
support to make it from those around me). All those 'smart' actions, words are
only sustainable if they are the consequence of something deeper.

------
jacquesm
The longer it takes to learn a lesson the harder it will be when you do.

------
ahoyhere
Here's what I've learned - pretty much all the hard way.

I guess most people will focus on business facts, but underneath all those are
human facts… and those lessons are what I consider the most valuable.

1a. Life is suffering. No, really. Accept it and then you realize that
basically to have a body & a consciousness is to suffer, and a lot of it is
unavoidable. Then you don't feel like just cuz something hurts, you have to
change it. Nerves will always hurt. Once you can accept it, you can stop
wasting your time on the pointless shit.

1b. Emotions are like weather, sometimes they don't mean anything… and just
because you feel something, doesn't make it true. (Good OR bad.) Just because
you feel like something is happening TO you, doesn't make that true, either.
It's usually not actually about you. And if you assume that good feeling =
good thing/I'm right, or that bad feeling = bad thing/this is wrong, you'll be
analytically hobbled.

(These sounds harsh, but think about it.)

2\. Most people don't live their lives by deliberately examining their actions
& beliefs and deciding what they want to live up to. If they have integrity,
it's often by 'accident,' not design, so if you deal with a person who works
with integrity once, they may not next time. There's no point in blaming them
if you assume wrongly about them.

3\. Some people think on, & play, a meta-game. If you don't, you have to
learn, because there will be people around you playing at 30 levels deep and
if you just believe the surface level, you will come away with an incomplete
picture.

4\. Really failing, getting kicked in the face by life, is awesome, because
you can only know how much you can do when you have to crawl up from rock
bottom. I could go broke and become homeless tomorrow, and it would suck, but
I wouldn't be afraid. I could work my way up (again). But before the 1st time,
I was terrified all the time by nameless middle class angst about the silliest
little things, because I had never been tested, and I had never proven myself.

5\. We're all human, so we all have the same basic flaws. People live locked
up in their own little heads, thinking they are better or worse than other
people, not realizing that's just a trick of being only aware of your _own_
consciousness. It's also easy to look at other people who have a great-looking
or terrible-looking life on the surface, and make incorrect assumptions about
what's going on inside them, and how they got there. Your problems, flaws,
limitations, are not special, and neither is your defense of them. (And
neither are other people's.)

6\. Being true, having integrity, and loving people are the best things in
life. Consciously deciding to have integrity and take responsibility for my
life was the most important thing I ever did. Consciously deciding to stop
letting my fear of social situations conquer me, and go out there, and expose
myself, and be the friend I wanted to have, led to the first true friends I'd
ever had (and many more after that). And consciously deciding to stop beating
myself up over mistakes I'd made, to look at them, accept them, and understand
that I'm only human, made a huge difference in my well-being.

7\. When you've suffered, don't look at other people suffering and say "Well,
I did it, why shouldn't they?" -- think expansively, givingly,
compassionately. Everyone will be happier.

8\. It's almost impossible to help people if you don't understand people. But
truly understanding yourself, 100%, and being mindful in your daily life, will
help you understand what it is to be human, because you will see all your
little evasions, flaws, wiggling -- and your pleasures, joys, and little
moments of happiness and insight.

9\. (And, by the way, the best products show a true understanding of what it
means to be human.)

I consider people my mission.

~~~
tom_ilsinszki
Life is _not_ suffering.

* When I am unhappy it is because I'm focusing on what I am not, and what the end result should be.

* If I focus on the process and the problem at hand, and I focus really hard, I will not have any more brainpower to think about things that make me unhappy. I get absorbed in the moment, and nothing else matters, but what I'm doing right now.

* Also, if I focus on the process, I will be able to give the best solution I'm capable of, because greedy, envious and ego-driven feelings will not distract me.

I do not see (rationally speaking), how I can get unhappy if I manage to keep
this mind state.

[http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/srikumar_rao_plug_into_you...](http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/srikumar_rao_plug_into_your_hard_wired_happiness.html)

~~~
ahoyhere
Emotions _are_ like weather. You can stick to your regimen forever, and you're
still going to feel down sometimes, even if for absolutely no reason at all.
That's totally normal cycles of chemistry.

And yes, life is suffering. You stub your toe. You think it's too cold, or too
hot. Somebody doesn't look at you the way you want. Your tummy hurts. You
constantly have to 'battle' against focusing "on what you're not," for
example. You have a hard time focusing. You look at books, things, places,
scenes, and people (hey, and HN comments) and they feel WRONG. You don't like
them. You judge them. You judge everything by your yardstick.

That is all suffering.

That's the human condition: judging, and struggling, and hurting.

It doesn't say there aren't OTHER things, but the suffering is always there.

~~~
tom_ilsinszki
>>> You constantly have to 'battle' against focusing "on what you're not,"

Well, I don't have to. If I focus on the problem I'm facing probably I will be
happy with the outcome.

One thing is for sure: My "focusing on the problem" self can beat my "focusing
on what I wish I'd be" self any day.

~~~
taphangum
Programming helps here. I got a lot better at doing this in everyday things
when i got a lot better at programming.

------
nato1138
BE SO GOOD THEY CANT IGNORE YOU

~~~
martinkallstrom
It seems your philosophy is more along the lines of "Be so loud they cant
ignore you" :)

------
zackattack
People are always acting in their self-interest, whether they're aware of it
or not.

If you're going to engage in criminal behavior, don't: if something goes wrong
you have no recourse.

------
wendroid
Hitting people with a house brick makes them stop chasing you.

