
A tumor stole every memory I had – what happened when they came back - smalera
http://qz.com/511920/a-tumor-stole-every-memory-i-had-this-is-what-happened-when-it-all-came-back/
======
simcop2387
I actually had a similar incident with memory loss some years ago. It wasn't
because of a tumor but from severe central sleep apnea, that as near as I've
ever been able to figure out had been going on for about a decade and was
taking a significant toll on my body and brain. The way he describes the
memories coming back to him is much more eloquently put than I've ever been
able to manage. I hadn't hit a point where I had lost the ability to reason,
but it sounds like the memory loss was comparable. There was a period of about
2-3 years where I just hadn't been able to recall much that happened recently
or long ago. I wasn't quite as fortunate (I think) as him with the recovery of
memory, there are still people and relationships that I don't fully recall and
likely never will at this point, but the things that did come back came back
in that same kind of jumbled B before A kind of way. It was incredibly
frightening for the first few months like that because memories would just pop
into place and I'd realize that I didn't recall them before and feel like I
just wasn't me during that time, I was some incomplete version of myself and
had no idea that I was missing parts of myself. It's an incredible experience
to get those things back but it's awfully frightening looking back onto the
times when they weren't there and not being able to help the thought that a
large part of you just wasn't there for years at a time, and if you're really
the person that was there before, during, and after the whole thing. That did
lead to a good deal of depression for myself during some of that, after
realizing things that I did that just didn't look or sound like me because of
everything I was missing. It sounds like he had a lot of help from his friends
and family which was tremendous in getting him to this point. I also likely
wouldn't have fared nearly as well without mine.

~~~
rajeevk
I have been suffering from similar problem but not that extreme from last one
and half year. I hope people here will provide some info that would be useful
to me. Doctors are not helpful.

My problem started when switched my job in April 2014. Before I was perfectly
fine. The office space was not properly ventilated. Initially (from the very
first day) I used to feel very drowsy in the office and fine outside. After
few days the problem became permanent even I am not in office. I was feeling
like mentally blocked. Also started feeling disinterest in everything. After a
month in that office, I had to travel to USA for a month in the same company
and there I got severe itching and doctors there gave me some antibiotic.
After taking the antibiotic, my problem even got worse. Then I had severe
headache and severe metal fatigue. After returning from the US, I had to go on
unpaid leave. It was feeling heavy brain fog, feeling extreme stress and metal
fatigue all the time. I had visited three neurologist. All of them prescribed
anti depressant. I even took an antidepressant (setraline) and it made me even
worse after taking two and half months. I had got few check up done in August
including MRI. The doctor told me that the MRI is normal. I have also visited
few ayurvedic doctors and the ayurvedic medicine worked to some extent. In
fact I am continuing the ayurvedic medicine till now. The ayurvedic medicine
at least not letting the problem to get more worse. I had difficines of
vitamin B12 and D and taking injection for B12 and supplements for vitamin D.
Later I consulted a psychiatrist but again no help. The psychiatrist got me
the EEG test which was normal. On the net I found a guy ( who is not doctor by
education) describing about anti oxidants and its role in brain fog. I
consulted him and he prescribed different kind of stuff (mostly for
antioxidant functions) that seemed to help a bit. At present I feel little
better than but the problem still very significant. Neurologists have nothing
other than antidepressant to prescribe and antidepressant has worked
negatively. Right now taking Ayurvedic medicines, vitamin supplements and
antioxidant supplements.

I have not got the sleep test done yet. None of the doctors I visited asked to
me to do that. Right now I am planning to get that done too. Is there any test
that I can get done?

~~~
iscrewyou
When you said it happened after you changed jobs and new office was not
ventilated and you were feeling drowsy, I first thought maybe it was carbon
monoxide poisoning. However, if it is still happening, I am not so sure
anymore.

Source: Not a doctor. Just scared of carbon monoxide poisoning. You know,
going to sleep and never waking up.

~~~
rajeevk
I can rule out the co poisoning because I was the only one who got affected in
that office. Others did not have such issues

------
ionforce
Such a fascinating article.

1) It makes the brain sound like a Kafka queue that kept growing but never had
any consumers, until his tumor was removed.

2) It's interesting how there was a disconnect between his active
consciousness and whatever other process was reindexing/reinterpreting his raw
memory data. Sort of a nod to my napkin theory about the brain being a multi
process machine.

3) The fact that the memories didn't replay in order kinda makes sense. It's
like a natural fact of concurrency; you don't know what order the output is
going to show up in, unless you sort the data afterwards, and by sort I guess
we mean looking at the raw data and stitching it together (like a binary
sort).

~~~
azernik
I think it's better (or just more intuitive, given my interests) to describe
the brain as a distributed system than a single multi-proces processing Von
Neumann type machine - there are components in different parts of the brain
that do work independently and then send the results over the "network". Some
network failures and node outages are... not dealt with gracefully.

------
letstryagain
I love stories like this. By studying what happens to the brain when something
goes wrong we gain a sliver of insight into how the brain works. In this case
he was able to store memories but he could not retrieve them. When the cyst
was drained he almost immediately gained access to all those memories again.
Fascinating!

------
aquadrop
I think it's a complete script for an oscar-level movie and I would love to
watch it.

~~~
improv32
Check out Memento, total mind-fuck of a film, it's about a man who has short-
term memory loss like OP, and to keep the audience on the same page has him
the scenes in the movie go in reverse order. Sounds weird but it works VERY
well.

~~~
BillPond
Isn't that statement pretty spolierly?

~~~
Yen
The plot device, and the reason for it, are established within the first few
minutes of the film.

------
an4rchy
Great read! Definitely a weird/surreal experience to have.

I'm wondering if there were inconsistencies / mix ups across memories or if
they all came back as they actually happened. Right now he's assuming the
flashbacks actually happened just as he is seeing them (and correlating with
people to confirm), but I'm curious to see if his brain made up or mixed up
memories.

------
cLeEOGPw
All personal experiences aside, the conclusion is that cyst squeezed
hypothalamus which resulted in malfunctioning. Or in short, "Malfunction of
compressed brain tissue". What is the reason for that? Are neurons somehow
discharged when they are pressed closer to each other? What's the
physics/chemistry/biology behind this?

~~~
gerbilly
I'm not an expert but neurons aren't like wires, they send electrochemical
signals.

You can squeeze a copper wire all you want, short of breaking it, and
electrons will still flow.

But in neurons, it's actual ions that have to flow for the signal to travel
along the axon (Ca and K)

Also, communication between neurons is via neurotransmitters, that diffuse in
the synaptic gap between neurons, and most of these are relatively large
molecules.

Restricted blood flow could contribute as well, since it would impair cellular
respiration in the neurons as well.

Given this, if you squeeze a brain structure, it seems to make sense to me
that signalling would be degraded.

Edit: A previous version of this comment stated that the ions used for
signalling were Na and Ca, that was incorrect, the ions are Na and K.

------
shakil
Reading this it looks like the brain has the ability to discover and integrate
memories that exist within it but may not have been organized or indexed
properly. The analog I draw is if you were to insert an SD card into a
computer and it reads and indexes everything it finds on the card so that from
that point on you can retrieve all the files on the card just like the rest of
the computer. Now all you need is a way to "inject" pre-formed memories into
people, and you would be able to learn a language, or memorize an
encyclopedia, or become a doctor instantaneously.

~~~
PhasmaFelis
Well, maybe. Skills are not necessarily the same thing as memories. Memorizing
anatomical and surgical manuals will not give you a steady hand or a deep
understanding of how much pressure to apply to make a millimeter-precise
incision.

------
peter303
NPR had a related story about a stroke taking away part of the language
processing center for a while. After the patient could express themselves
again, they report a stillness in the mind during the loss period. Many, if
not all of us, think by talking to ourselves in our minds. And this internal
voice is something hard to turn off at will as any serious meditator knows.

------
sjclemmy
Wow. I didn't see that last line coming. Bravo.

Can I recommend the book (not the film, which I hear does not compare),
'Before I Go To Sleep' by S.J. Watson. It deals with memory loss in a
fascinating way. One of the few books I've read in one sitting.

------
bechampion
I sometimes i think "if this was the last day of my life what would i do , who
would i spend it with" And it's all about love , I'd spend it with my family
and gf , and maybe write some code or some silly app for the last time. It's
important that we keep in mind that life isn't a limitless resource , and
"nobody will remember your ppt presentations when you're gone"

------
godzillabrennus
Anyone have a copy of the story that works for bad people like me who block
ads on iOS? The link on this post is to a summary that asks me to click a link
in order to read the full article. Unfortunately the button seems to be non
functional for my ad blocking self.

~~~
striking
Archive.is is a magical tool. Use it forever.
[https://archive.is/IcD1B](https://archive.is/IcD1B)

~~~
akx
Unless you live in Finland, where it's 451'ed because of -- as I understood --
a personal grudge its operator has against our country. :)

------
aurora72
Without further ado: phkillscancer.com

------
willhinsa
This title is poorly worded. The singular 'it' leads the reader to think that
the tumor came back, when it was the memories that came back. 'They' or 'it
all' (as was in the article's title) would have been more appropriate.

~~~
other_herbert
I thought so too...

Very interesting read though... Dementia is something I hope to never
experience and this sounds worse.. The knowing afterward about confusion or
awkward interactions... My wife and I have a half serious suicide pact in case
that does happen

Amazing story nonetheless

------
hoers
I had the same experience. Anybody who had it or is 'interested' please
contact me at pigeon@tutanota.com

