
Suspended from University for writing email about mathematics software - DreamScatter
https://crucialflow.com/suspended
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throwaway29303
Tell me, OP, what did you learn, if anything, from this whole ordeal?

~~~
DreamScatter
As stated in the post, I learned that the university system is not able to
facilitate or nurture mathematical exploration and discovery for me.

~~~
throwaway29303
How is mathematical exploration and discovery related to asking a fellow
student, whom you don't know, through e-mail, on a date?

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't have sent any more e-mails after not
receiving a response from them. It confuses me how you thought what happens
afterwards was appropriate. In fact, I wouldn't even have made the first
e-mail about a date at all.

Your blog post and your reaction to the whole situation shows how immature you
are/were.

So, IOWs, here's something you ought had learnt:

a) A lack of reply in this context should be interpreted as a "no" or "I'm not
interested.";

b) If you cross paths AFK and there's eye contact but no engagement: you do
_NOT_ e-mail the person especially after the previous point - that may be
considered harrassment to some people and that's probably why you were labeled
as problematic;

c) If you are angry about the whole thing instead of furthering the damage
refocus it on something productive and move on with your life;

d) Comply with the faculty's sanctions next time - don't be a smart ass;

e) Don't make these "let's discuss research" about dates, like, at all!

Your _naiveté_ came at a great cost for your career. Think with your upper
head next time.

~~~
DreamScatter
All these strict (implicit) social rules are ridiculous, and I am not
interested in that kind of toxic environment, where a simple question results
in inter personal conflict.

I also don't care what you think about my maturity or social ability.

A mature adult would have been able to respond with a message saying that
dating is not appropriate, and a mature adult would have still been able to
talk about math after saying that dating is inappropriate.

To me, it seems more like the other person is immature and not capable of
engaging in a constructive situation.

Anyway, over analyzing a simple email with a question is a bit unnecessary,
and it was the opposite of productive. The productive thing to do would have
been to simply acknowledge the situation and divert towards mathematics. What
annoyed me is that none of the university faculty was able to do so.

I actually provided an extremely productive path of discussion via my
mathematics called Grassmann.jl which could have taken the center stage of
discussion, instead I was suspended and sanctioned and nobody acknowledged my
mathematical contribution to the discussion.

I provided the opportunity for productivity via my mathematical inquiry, but
it was ignored in favor of inter-personal conflict (over a simple question) on
the side of the university.

~~~
throwaway29303
>All these strict (implicit) social rules are ridiculous, and I am not
interested in that kind of toxic environment, where a simple question results
in inter personal conflict.

You can't really expect navigating a world where everything is laid out just
for you. That's not how it works. The faster you learn this the less you'll
suffer. There's a hint of entitlement here that you should probably fix as
well.

>I also don't care what you think about my maturity or social ability.

Of course you do, you made a blog post about it, posted on Hacker News and you
replied to posters on your thread. All your prose suggests bitterness. Stop
being bitter about it and move on with your life. Seek therapy if you feel
it's overwhelming you. It has been 2 years now. [0]

>A mature adult would have been able to respond with a message saying that
dating is not appropriate, and a mature adult would have still been able to
talk about math after saying that dating is inappropriate.

She didn't acknowledge you because you made the e-mail about a date. Had you
not made it about a date _MAYBE_ things would have turned out different. But
you were too focused on something that's not mathematics to think straight.

>To me, it seems more like the other person is immature and not capable of
engaging in a constructive situation.

Take responsibility for your own actions. Admit you were wrong, _LEARN_ from
it and move on. Do I have to remind you that _YOU_ e-mailed her first about
discussing research and make a date out of it? _YOU_ e-mailed her after you
saw her at that public lecture knowing that she didn't previously acknowledge
you? It's not up to the other party to tell you how to behave. She's not your
parent.

>Anyway, over analyzing a simple email with a question is a bit unnecessary,
and it was the opposite of productive. The productive thing to do would have
been to simply acknowledge the situation and divert towards mathematics. What
annoyed me is that none of the university faculty was able to do so.

There's no over analyzation here. You made your intentions pretty clear with
your first e-mail to her. You should have worded it differently and actually
make the "research discussion" about actual research and not a date.

I'm sorry things turned out wrong for you, but I don't feel sympathy for you
after you lashed out at faculty like that. Next time, refocus your anger to
something productive and not destructive. Just look at how that turned out for
you.

[0] -
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumination_(psychology)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumination_\(psychology\))

~~~
DreamScatter
> Next time, refocus your anger to something productive and not destructive.

I did do something productive, I have created a mathematics software which has
impacted hundreds of scientists. This work is enabling and will continue to
enable many people to perform collaborative research not previously possible.

> But you were too focused on something that's not mathematics to think
> straight.

That is incorrect, I actually was so extremely focused on mathematics to the
point that it intimidated most people. It's more of the opposite, I was so
focused on mathematics that I did not think straight about non-mathematical
things.

> move on with your life

the act of sending the email which caused the suspension was me moving on with
my life... so I'm way ahead of you, it was an act of moving on from the get go

the reason why I posted this is to share a story and provide insight into my
life

