
Becoming a 20-Something Family Man: with a PhD and a Startup - melonakos
http://www.melonakos.com/2010/09/13/become_a_20_something_family_man/
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grovulent
That's insane,

I've spent 5 years on my PhD and still haven't finished it working on it
mostly full time to such such a degree of dedication that my girlfriend of 6
or so years packed it all in and left.

PhD and Startup and marriage+kids on one income? (Yet, one of you is doing a
PhD and one is doing the mothering - who is actually earning money?) And
building a family on top of the shaky foundations that startup life provides?

How? Stranger that the tips included with dealing with such an insane choice
of lifestyle seem to consist entirely of very thin dating/relationship
suggestions. I mean - there is a world of potential insanity involved in doing
just a PhD alone - but with kids/wife/startup? I'm gonna need a whole lot more
than just palliative cliches to help me deal.

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melonakos
I think there is a law of diminishing returns wrt working long hours. Is
working 18 hr days really more productive that 14 hr days? That train of
thought is what makes it not so insane.

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grovulent
Sorry - I only really mean insane from my own perspective... but obviously
your life is almost be definition LESS insane than my own given that you've
managed to eat 3 different cakes and have them as well - a more balanced and
well rounded existence. It's just unimaginable to me - but glad to know
someone at least has achieved the dream. Power to ya. :)

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julius_geezer
Back in the optimistic quarter century after WW II, this was probably quite
common. A women with an expensive degree from a good school got to keep a
household running, maybe typing theses for income, while a man, not
necessarily better equipped for academic work, got a Ph.D. I suspect that it
was part of what gave the emerging feminist movement such a fund of well-
educated, articulate, and pissed-off women to draw on.

I guess the writer is fortunate, and I hope that his good fortune will
continue. I seem to know an awful lot of folks who married at 21 and divorced
before 30.

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abalashov
The variation in people absolutely amazes me. I'm only able to arrive at an
intelligible conception of how the author has pulled this off by concluding
that his lifestyle expectations, workflow assumptions and cognitive habits are
vastly different from my own. As someone who struggles with deep practical
motivational problems working on things in which I am theoretically,
conceptually very interested (call it burn-out on coding if you like) and
sometimes go days or even weeks without moving the kind of mountains that the
author consistently moves in an hour or two every day of his life, I am awed.

Of course, sometimes there's something you don't know. I don't mean to impugn
the author's credibility or authenticity in any way (how would I know?), but
some of the people I have encountered who claim Herculean feats like this turn
out to have mixed up the variables differently than they say, even if their
omissions are unconscious. That is, I've seen people who, in the author's
shoes, are 1) getting a PhD in something fluffy and not particularly
rigourous, or perhaps in an institution that fits that description, 2) have
grandparents who take care of the kids most of the time, 3) are doing startup
work that is also not overly intensive, or move at a glacial pace. Even then,
it would still be an impressive accomplishment to consistently pull through on
#1 and #2 whilst complicated slightly by #2 without losing motivation,
interest or focus!

~~~
ahoyhere
You should read a book or two by Barbara Sher. She talks about what to do when
you're burnt out and disinterested in everything. That is not a normal state
for a human. Ignore the apparent self-help taint -- the books are practical,
no-nonsense, and very good.

