

Ask HN: Help! My First Impressions Suck.  Any advice? - idlenf

I want to do more tech.  I want to be near people who love tech.  I live somewhere where tech isn&#x27;t much.<p>My problem?  My first impressions suck.  I don&#x27;t think I can change that.  Like some people have a hard time loosing weight, I have a hard time changing my first impression.<p>For the people who know me well, when they reminisce, they tell me how awful a first impression I gave them but due to location and how we were forced together, they completely changed their mind to enthusiastically recommend me.<p>From what they tell me, I sound like an idiot when I first talk to them.<p>Because of this problem, I&#x27;m having extreme difficulty passing the telephone interviews (yes, the easy part!) of companies in tech hubs.  It feels like I could hear the disappointment in their voice when they talk to me.<p>What can I do if my first impression suck?  How do you continue the interview after failing the phone interview?  How do you get a job someplace far away?
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calcsam
Something I learned at my consulting firm.

If you are asked a question and the answer has three parts, A, B, and C, and
you know A and B but you don't know C, lead with what you know, before asking
about details of which you are unsure.

"So how many HVAC systems are installed in Houston every year?"

"Well, Houston has about 5 million people, which makes about 2 million
households, so if half of household live in a house there are about 1 million
homes in Houston....

Now, as to how many HVAC systems are installed every year, how long does the
typical HVAC system last?"

"About 25 years"

"Okay then, that makes 1 million divided by 25, or 40,000 HVAC systems every
year..."

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abc_lisper
Why do you think you suck? Are you curt, derogatory, pessimistic or
judgmental? Do you mumble instead of talking whole sentences?

In face-to-face interaction, a smile, even a superficial one is a good thing.
In general, showing curiosity, interest in what the other person is doing puts
you in their good books. Joke if you can, it lightens the weather.

Listen before you talk. Be kind, even to an asshole. Don't judge someone too
harshly, you are not in their shoes. And people can see that through if you do
that.

I don't know what else to say unless you tell us more about yourself.

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BWStearns
If you are truly unable to naturally connect in terms of good first
impressions you might want to approach this like an optimization problem. I
recommend Nolan's book on elicitation ([http://www.amazon.com/Confidential-
Business-Secrets-Getting-...](http://www.amazon.com/Confidential-Business-
Secrets-Getting-
Keeping/dp/097213560X/ref=sr_1_7?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1391254677&sr=1-7&keywords=elicitation))
as a good start, only read segments 1&2 unless you want to start a competitive
intelligence firm. That said, as someone who used to have some degree of
confidence issues with new contacts, go apply to 50 jobs you don't give a shit
about in the slightest, that you wouldn't accept whether or not you got the
job. If you live in a city with lots of consulates/embassies, try BSing your
way into a party.

When it comes down to it the ability to bullshit won't necessarily help you
secure a job, but it will remove a lot of the barriers previous to where that
decision is made and get you closer to that meeting/phonecall/interview where
that decision might be made. Bottom line, get used to making first
impressions. I bet your first website sucked (probably far less than my first
site sucked but it still _probably_ sucked), but the way to get better at most
things is to do it more.

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lauradhamilton
You're not giving us much to go on.

Do you say "like" a lot? That can do it. Try to avoid saying "like."

