
Why Hostility Can Bring People Closer Together - draenei
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-hostility-can-bring-people-closer-together/
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everdev
I see this pattern a lot in history. Things are bad until something worse
comes along.

There's some quote about each country needing a reasonably strong enemy.
Without one, the country starts trying to find enemies and conflict within.

Same thing might be happening in these mediations. By adding a bigger "enemy",
the two parties probably quickly back down from trying to defend against to
enemies and compromise with each other.

It's a sad state of human nature but apparently works.

~~~
DanAndersen
There's supposed to be some sort of Arabic proverb that's something along the
lines of "Me against my brothers, me and my brothers against my cousins, me
and my brother and my cousins against the world".

It feels like a lot of attempted global social policy of the past 50 or so
years has been trying to create a stronger consciousness of "humanity" as a
thing, with our new enemies being abstract issues like poverty, hunger,
climate change, drugs, inequality, etc. The "War on [...]" branding is part of
that. Doesn't seem like it really gets the blood going as much. We'll probably
have to have conquering aliens to fight against before that happens.

~~~
Chronos309
I wish people felt the same about going to space as I do. I think that if we
were more knowledge focused as a species that we'd be racing to the stars
which would mean an insanely different mentality than the 'tow the line' kind
of thing I think we have nowadays.

~~~
mkirklions
Im a huge fan of learning about space, but sending human bodies seems
impractical outside the novelty.

Everything is unfathomably far away.

There are lots of obstacles, near light speed travel is a necessity and we are
nowhere near this ability, or that ability with a human undergoing the
acceleration to light speed.

EDIT: So I suppose I'm suggesting putting our resources toward those
beneficial causes on earth is better use.

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majos
On the same note, sometimes when I introduce two friends who don't know each
other, I get the conversation rolling by (not overtly) getting them both to
poke fun at me.

~~~
dmichulke
You have any lines or ideas you use to do that?

~~~
majos
Probably not useful specific ones, as they're mostly about my own
idiosyncracies. But if you can find a natural way to introduce some foible you
have into the conversation, especially if it's something they've joked about
before, that's a good start.

For example if you're perpetually late to things you could say "...as you both
know, punctuality is important to me." And that gives them something to swoop
in on.

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extralego
I think a related phenomenon plays a significant role in the current American
political divide. Americans whose self-identity is threatened by increasing
technology and connectivity make up for the loss by banding together against
identifiable groups of _others_. Whether the opposing party did something to
deserve the hostility seems to matter very little. What matters is that they
can be blamed enough to facilitate a collective bond _against_ them.

~~~
TeMPOraL
Reminds me of the starting quote of "The Toxoplasma Of Rage"[0] - "Nobody
makes an IRC channel for no reason. Who are we doing this versus?".

\--

[0] - [http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/12/17/the-toxoplasma-of-
rage/](http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/12/17/the-toxoplasma-of-rage/)

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croisillon
There is a great Austrian theater piece (now a movie as well) showing how a
skilled mediator can unite a couple.. against him:
[https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6904262/](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6904262/)

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extralego
Of course, if a paid therapist is the mediator, this advice can only have a
very limited impact on their method regardless. They have a business to run,
and that depends on them being liked.

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ravenstine
Couldn't this simply be a test of the reciprocity principle? People who feel
like they've wasted someone else's time are probably more likely to make an
effort to resolve the problem so as to be less of an inconvenience to the
other person, or to meet the other person's expectations. If the mediator is
chipper no matter what, then nothing is socially at stake for the negotiators,
and it shows that the mediator is unattached to the outcome(which isn't or
shouldn't be true). On the other hand, the perception of being a nuisance also
comes with the social implication that one isn't pulling their own weight of
effort, and most of us naturally want to be judged well by the group we are a
part of.

So perhaps it's less about hostility per se, but the covert social
_communication_ made through the hostility.

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aytekin
A hostile mediator also sounds more fair. Hearing your faults straight from
someone who is not afraid to say it as it is might convince you to accept
them.

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howard941
Closeness-building hostility towards Emmanual Goldstein is literally a plot
element of Nineteen Eighty-Four.

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delore1
You can definitely see that in Russian politics. It’s very “enemy” oriented.
Everyday we see on national tv that west countries are bad and against us.
That we have our own path and so on and so on. And it’s very frustrating that
it works because it's the only news sourse for many people. It’s psychological
thing that a common enemy brings people together. Really hope it will change.
We even have this idiom — my enemy’s enemy is my friend.

~~~
bilbo0s
"...Everyday we see on national tv that [insert enemy here] countries are bad
and against us. That we have our own path and so on and so on. And it’s very
frustrating that it works..."

This works everywhere in the world, there is nothing endemic to Russia in this
strategy. I'm born and raised in the US, and this is pretty much how news has
been since I was a kid watching talking heads drone on about how dangerous the
world is. (Especially, Arabs, Latin American rebels, and pretty much anyone
from Eastern Europe.)

Nowadays we throw in China and certain other Asians as "dangerous", but you
get the idea. I'd bet the news is like this in most other nations as well,
just with a different set of "enemy" people or nations.

~~~
Viliam1234
It's funny how every time anyone says anything negative about Russia, someone
feels the urge to say "USA is not any better". But not the other way round.

Like, seriously, notice any debate where Russia is mentioned, and this pattern
is everywhere.

~~~
romwell
It's an old Kremlin technique[1].

[1][https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism)

