
Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work - gkst
http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_ways_to_cultivate_gratitude_at_work
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buckbova
> people are less likely to feel or express gratitude at work than anyplace
> else. And they’re not thankful for their current jobs, ranking them dead
> last in a list of things they’re grateful for.

First off I don't want to be thanked or praised, I want to be PAID. If I do a
great job give me more money, a day off, or something tangible. I don't want a
non-monetary gift either. I have a drawer full of work trophies. It's
nonsense. Why should I be thankful I have a job? I've earned this.

I used to have a manager that would thank me all the time and then praise me
for the littlest thing. It lost any meaning it may have had and often feels
more manipulative than anything. Student of the one minute manager
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_One_Minute_Manager](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_One_Minute_Manager).

I thank my co-workers all the time though because they don't have to be nice
or helpful. And I nearly always help a co-worker when they ask for it and
sometimes when they don't. I typically get a thank you. Thanks and praise from
my teammates goes well beyond anything from a higher up. Maybe I'm cynical,
but it nearly always feels like I'm being placated in some way.

Edit:

I think it goes further to respect and listen to the opinions of your fellow
co-workers and your employees. Take all opinions into consideration. Do not
dismiss anything immediately. Acknowledge those who've contributed yes, when
taking any sort of credit when speaking to other higher-ups or outside the
department.

Also respect a person's work. Don't throw it away for a complete rewrite
because that's easier than trying to understand it and don't suggest a
revision without fully considering what already exists.

~~~
roflc0ptic
I'm moving towards a lead dev role, running a small group (3 other devs). I
always try to thank people, and include enough specific detail that it's
plausible. One dev, fresh to a problem, recently identified a place where if
we used a multi-map instead of a map, it would solve problems that had plagued
us for months. My response was "Fuck yeah, we've been trying to figure out how
to work around that for months. Good catch." I praised another dev who just
joined for getting a whole lot more done in her first two weeks than I
expected. Entirely new language and tech stack on a sophisticated application.
It's impressive. I said so.

Remuneration aside, they're humans who benefit from positive validation. It
seems well recieved. Maybe an important point is _I actually am grateful that
they 're good at their jobs_. Man, working with competent people who aren't
phoning it in is a pleasure.

And yeah, in the abstract, my position with my employer is basically "fuck
you, pay me." But that's just a sine qua non. Whether or not I like being
there is contingent on how I'm treated.

~~~
Mz
_My response was "Fuck yeah, we've been trying to figure out how to work
around that for months. Good catch." I praised another dev who just joined for
getting a whole lot more done in her first two weeks than I expected. Entirely
new language and tech stack on a sophisticated application. It's impressive. I
said so._

Your anecdotes are not about _thanking_ people or expressing gratitude. I kind
of agree with both you and the GP comment. I am a woman and my life taught me
to do a lot of emotional labor. It mostly has not led to money.

I think discussions about stuff like this are probably overlooking something
important. As best I can tell, being too touchy feely personal reads as "I
love YOU" and is problematic. A better message is "I love your work, good
job!" and that seems to be the note you are hitting.

So: Good job!

~~~
roflc0ptic
That is an interesting point. I had not made that distinction, and didn't
really realize that was my MO. Maybe there's a rule to be conjectured there
about praising actions instead of people.

Insightful. Good job :)

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vvanders
> 2\. Thank the people who never get thanked

I _always_ make a point of telling anyone in IT at whatever company I worked
for that I appreciated what they did and knew it was a thankless job.

It's one of those areas where if you do a perfect job no one knows you're
there and you're only high-profile when you screw up.

I've found over the years that they'll pay back that kindness ten-fold and
often when you're in some sort of gnarly bind where time is critical.

~~~
sambeau
My old boss had the motto:

    
    
      "Treat the cleaners like they're The Queen; treat The Queen like she's a cleaner"
    

I took this to mean: treat cleaners with respect & appreciation; do not fawn
and scrape to your bosses.

Similarly: "grief travels up, praise travels down" and "be nice to those you
meet on your way up as you may well meet them again on your way down".

I use all of these mantras on a daily basis and I believe they work. I can't
guarantee my food is spittle free but I have never had reason to believe
otherwise.

I confess I have been known to break this rule with phone spammers.

~~~
keithpeter
Caretakers and canteen staff.

I'm a teacher: the canteen staff know a _surprising_ amount about students and
can spot changes in mood/attitude very quickly. Its uncanny. Caretakers
basically run the building. Advanced warning of furniture moving needs, and
any special setups and a quick word of thanks afterwards, ensures smooth
running. Good reception staff know where everyone is.

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sebastianconcpt
Just wanted to say something about this part: "In short, Americans actively
suppress gratitude on the job, even to the point of robbing themselves of
happiness. Why? It may be because in theory, no one gives away anything at
work; every exchange is fundamentally economic." <\- this does not matches
with my work experiences with americans at all. On the contrary I noticed
careful attention to appreciate every bit.

~~~
8ytecoder
I agree - this matches my experience too. Americans are blunt but that goes
both ways. They appreciate a good deed while at the same time make their
disapproval heard too.

~~~
pjlegato
I would point out that "Americans" are not a homogenous entity, culturally or
otherwise. The United States is _huge_ and has many distinct local cultural
regions, with radically different behavioral norms that are obscured through
the use of a common language and political system.

San Francisco is vastly different than New Jersey, for example, and both are
vastly different than, say, the rural south.

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qznc
Our group uses a chat bot, which plays silly games at random times. Sometimes
the challenge is like "Say thanks to somebody to earn some points". Those
points are useless gamification tokens, but maybe it helps to encourage
gratitude. There was always somebody who took that challenge so far.

~~~
pjlegato
Rather, it encourages people to become good at _simulating_ gratitude in a
plausible manner.

It devalues the entire notion of gratitude to engage in that sort of petty
manipulation. Gratitude is rendered into a base and superficial thing.

~~~
qznc
Now that you mention it, I think that maybe our team spirit was better when we
had regular Quake matches... ;)

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dominotw
Is it really gratitude if you cultivate it? Can you really become
mindful/thankful/x via pure practice? If it makes sense and is logical why
can't you instantly become thankful, why do you practice?

I see ton's of people in daily life who have cultivated modesty (eg:
politicians, ceo's ect) . It is so obvious that its fake, why do ppl do this?

~~~
chadgeidel
It's not "fake gratitude", it's "verbalizing real gratitude". The article is
about cultivating an environment where gratitude is known.

~~~
qxt
To add on to this, this thinking of "fake" vs "real" gratitude falls into the
typical Socratic thinking of "I can tell you what isn't XXX but I can't tell
you what it is cause I'm not wise yada yada." As human beings we like to think
we can tell human beings intentions. However, as miscommunication proves, we
often can't, at least accurately. Having individuals go through the motions of
generosity, humility, and gratitude is just as good as teaching people those
intentions e.g. play the part long enough and you stop playing.

~~~
dominotw
> teaching people those intentions

why do we need to teach people though? If its obvious that gratitude is good
why can't we simply adopt it in an instant. Unless you mean 'anti gratitude'
is inherent to all human minds and needs to be constantly suppressed and
overpowered through practice.

~~~
somestag
Call it "teaching," "training," "learning," "conditioning," or whatever else
you like, but it seems pretty self-evident that people change how they think
and feel based on their experiences. Some of those experiences involve acting
a certain way and seeing how others react.

Think about it the other way—in terms of negative emotions. A person with
anger problems might practice suppressing blowups and taking a moment to try
to deal with the anger before moving on. Would you accuse them of being _fake-
not-angry_? Of course not. They're practicing healthy behavior, and over time
the practice becomes natural and they don't even have to think about it
anymore. They have become a genuinely less angry person by practicing non-
angry behaviors.

Practicing gratitude is the same thing, except you're reinforcing a positive
emotion rather than suppressing a negative one. You can become a genuinely
more thankful person by reminding yourself to express gratitude.

I question any person's ability to truly read the thoughts or emotions of
another. At any given moment, a person's thoughts and feelings are very
complex and entangled, yet when we interpret their actions we reduce them down
to a simple emotion or intention. That oversimplification is always
inaccurate, and we should work to develop more complex understandings of other
people. So when someone looks like they're _faking_ modesty, they may in fact
feel somewhat modest, or at least be faking it for "good" reasons.

There is, of course, a difference between "saying what you're supposed to say"
and "trying to be more outwardly grateful," but in reality the lines blur a
lot and neither is a bad thing. This may be an unpopular opinion, but when it
comes to public discourse, I'll take fake expressions of _gratitude_ over
genuine expressions of _contempt_ any day of the week.

~~~
unFou
Just curious about your reasoning behind the last statement, that with "public
discourse [you'd] take fake expressions of gratitude over genuine expressions
of contempt any day of the week".

If they were to openly express their contempt, then I know where they stand,
and adjust my actions accordingly. If they fake expressions of gratitude, I
can't be sure what their feelings actually are. Are they having a bad day, and
trying to turn it around? Do they genuinely view me with distaste? If it's the
former, it might benefit me to support this person. If it's the latter, I
might not.

I can understand why it'd be good for a politician to present this ambiguity,
but why is it good for you, the consumer of the public discourse?

~~~
somestag
I put a lot of stock in the power of discourse. When a person publicly
expresses their hatred or contempt, they always raise the levels of hatred and
contempt in the listeners--those that agree with them are emboldened, and
those that disagree are aggravated. Creating a more hateful society is so
negative (in my opinion) that it outweighs the benefits of the honesty.

I think the strongest case against my stance is the politicians, since we need
to "know" them in order to be informed as voters. Except politicians are
actively campaigning, so it's impossible to know whether a politician is
expressing those views because they actually believe them or just because they
think it's good strategy. Therefore, when it comes to politicians, I judge
them more on what they've done in the past, and I consider their public
statements mostly on their _tone_ than on their content, because it probably
reflects the tone they'll continue to take once they're in office.
_Hypothetically_ , if I could instantly detect the truth in a politician's
statement, maybe the information benefit would outweigh, but since I need to
assume that I don't know the full story no matter _what_ they say, I'd prefer
they be kind than mean.

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debt
yo gratitude is nice but mainly make sure you're at a minimum in a good
working environment. again, gratitude is nice, but it's not necessary for a
healthy working environment.

i think many people here would be surprised how many people don't give a shit
about things like gratitude etc but just want a working/decent coffee maker in
the office.

a healthy working environment is the most important.

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Gravityloss
Thanking can be the new humble brag.

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kvcrawford
On that note, I'm gonna give a shout out to QA. Thanks guys.

------
ommunist
Thank you.

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br_smartass
\- Here's the money

\- Thanks

