
Ask HN: How did you handle a difficult co-worker situation? - coworkerblues
How have you handled in the past a situation where you were a member of a team where you didn&#x27;t get along with another member of the team in a way that affected you negatively in any capacity?<p>If possible, include a brief high level description of the situation and how it was resolved.
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malux85
He was the first iOS developer, I was number two. He had "worked" for 9 months
on a rewrite of their existing product, and all he had to show for his work
was a few scroll views (that performed terribly with trivial amounts of data)

The rest of the team hated him, management thought he was toxic and tried to
avoid him at all costs. But they never fired him. I have no idea why.

I tried to work with him, I really tried. I kept interactions positive, I
asked him to review my code before it was merged. I asked for his opinion on
matters. He was a remote worker and was always "too busy to chat"

In hindsight, when I interviewed, he was the only team member I didn't talk
to, and who wasn't great - I should have seen that as a warning, my fault.

I generally get along with people, and before that I had never worked with
anyone I disliked - as a result, I couldn't see how anybody could be truly
"toxic" \-- I wasn't sure toxic people even existed.

In the end, I had to leave, because every day was a hugely negative
experience.

Sometimes you just have to move on. Every day I learn :)

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partisan
I had a co-worker who managed to push my buttons in just the right combination
such that one day I lost it and let him know exactly how much I didn't
appreciate him. It was a tunnel vision moment and I am glad I didn't let it go
further, but I went outside and cried like a baby for letting myself get to
that point before apologizing to him. He continued to behave how he did and it
got to me once more, but I did my best to limit my interactions with him and
to go through my manager when possible. Since my manager was in the room
during the fateful outburst, he was quite happy to intermediate. It had no
negative career impact, but I was shaken by it and I think in any other
situation, I would have been reprimanded formally or something.

I can't say there is a lesson in there except, don't let yourself get to the
point where you are unable to maintain your professionalism.

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kafkaesq
Sadly "avoid, avoid, avoid, deflect, and when you to absolutely _have to_ deal
with them, just keep it polite and transactional, just-the-facts-ma'am, all
about the work and the work only. And count the days until the next job comes
along and/or I have enough FU money to take a nice, long vacation" often seems
to be if not the best, certainly the simples minimum viable solution.

(Combined with, "And BTW, try not to drink too much.")

Yeah sure, there's also "talk to management about it" (which is in fact the
first line of defense). And often enough, it actually does work.

The thing is, often enough the issue isn't the co-worker per se, but denial,
myopia and/or a sense of paralysis in the management layers who you'd think
would be both (1) able to recognize the problem and (2) eager to help out. So
sadly, in not infrequently happens that neither (1) or (2) is in the cards.
Typically because they think said employee is a rockstar/10xer, always at his
desk, always seems to able to answer loudly and confidently about any subject
whether he actually knows what he's talking about or not. You know, valued,
irreplaceable character traits like that that many organizations cherish and
reward with handsome bonuses and promotions.

And so it goes, on and on and on in this work culture of ours.

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gt565k
The first step is to talk to your coworker and tell them your concerns in a
way that is not criticizing them or makes them even more difficult to work
with. You can also try and socialize outside of work: grab a few beers and get
their point of view.

If they continue to be hard to work with, escalate to management and outline
your concerns.

What you really want to say to management is that your ability to perform at
100% is affected by this coworker / arrangement / situation, and you are being
obstructed from providing the most value you otherwise could to the company.

Any sensible manager would immediately address the issue, as he/she will
recognize that your output is affected and the company is getting less value
from you due to this arrangement.

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jstewartmobile
Another developer, who I had out-developed, intentionally sabotaged my code in
the wee hours to make me lose face. Fortunately, we had source control, and he
was a fool, so it backfired.

Even so, the long-term prospect of not being able to turn my back on my
coworkers was not one I welcomed, so I got into independent consulting. Could
probably make more working for the man, but I think the freedom of it is
priceless.

~~~
brianwawok
Lol he tried to add bugs to your code in Git?

~~~
jstewartmobile
This was old days of visual source safe, but yeah.

