
The 10 commandments for happiness and success - Amokrane
http://www.chentir.com/?p=1871
======
runn1ng
I will share my two cents, how I overcome my depression. It sounds deadly
simple, and it sort of is.

1) regular excercise. Make some small, daily routine (I prefer running) and
stick to it. The endorphines work wonders. The body starts feeling good after
a few days.

2) (and this will be maybe controversial due to The religious undertones)
regular meditation. While excercise clears your body, meditation clears your
mind. Maybe it's not "really" doing anything and it's just a placebo, but
frankly, it doesn't really matter. What I do is zen meditation (of soto
school), which is basically just staring to wall for 20 minutes a day.... and
it helps wonders.

So yeah.... those two commandments help _me_. Your mileage may vary.

~~~
ams6110
I really don't get the anti-religion sentiment here. If you find in religious
teachings a way to live happily, productively, in a socially positive way, why
is that a problem or anything to apologize for?

~~~
crassus
Indeed, religion makes you happier[1], so its strange the author left it out
of his ten points

""[9] and a review of 498 studies published in peer-reviewed journals
concluded that a large majority of them showed a positive correlation between
religious commitment and higher levels of perceived well-being and self-esteem
and lower levels of hypertension, depression, and clinical delinquency.[12] A
meta-analysis of 34 recent studies published between 1990 and 2001 found that
religiosity has a salutary relationship with psychological adjustment, being
related to less psychological distress, more life satisfaction, and better
self-actualization.[13] Finally, a recent systematic review of 850 research
papers on the topic concluded that "the majority of well-conducted studies
found that higher levels of religious involvement are positively associated
with indicators of psychological well-being (life satisfaction, happiness,
positive affect, and higher morale) and with less depression, suicidal
thoughts and behavior, drug/alcohol use/abuse."[14]"

[1]
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_and_happiness](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_and_happiness)

~~~
marcosdumay
I'd try an hypothesis that religion gives a huge fixed amount of happiness, at
the cost of a small amount of unhappiness that slowly accumulates through the
entire life, and even through generations.

Looks like the most logical outcome for me, but I don't know how to test it -
or even if there is enough data in the world to test it now. Anyway, the usual
correlation is not causality applies here.

~~~
crassus
Given that the _vast_ majority of all people that have ever lived have been
religious, your hypothesis is going to be very hard to test. Now what do we
call untestable beliefs?

------
lotharbot
_2 / Only surround yourself with brilliant and positive people._

I partly agree with this rule. People who are negative drama-creators who
regularly make bad decisions can really drag you down. They can cause you to
spend an excessive amount of time worrying about pointless problems that only
exist because of someone else's immaturity.

But I'm also a teacher. I work with at-risk children who are immature and
sometimes make bad decisions -- exactly the kind of people this rule says to
stay away from, only they're 9 years old instead of 35. And being around them
makes me very happy -- because of the difference I can make for them. I find
it unfortunate that people sometimes fear "negativity" and "immaturity" so
much that they let themselves be scared away from rewarding opportunities.

~~~
timr
I was hoping that you were going to critique the need to surround yourself
with "positive people".

There's obviously a lot to be said for not surrounding yourself with
pessimists, but (in the US, anyway, and silicon valley, in particular), the
default personality type tends to be "optimism to the point of delusion". It's
just as problematic to overdose on positive thinking as it is being surrounded
by pessimists.

Optimism is like sugar: it's great and you need it, but if you eat too much of
it you'll only get sick. And just like sugar, the average US diet already has
plenty.

~~~
quaunaut
I could not disagree more readily.

Note: I don't live in silicon valley.

We're talking about a nation of people who, by far, believe they are stuck
with the life they were given, with no means of control. Sure, they hope that
one day they'll be able to achieve their dreams and desires, but by far, the
majority of the country(outside of Silicon Valley) has the opinion that the
only way to live, is to slave it out for someone else doing something you
don't like. Hell, you hear half as much in comedy routines,
frequently([http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph9I-qPQ6FU](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ph9I-qPQ6FU),
and I've heard several others make the same comment, including Chris Rock,
Louis CK, and Ricky Gervais).

But the attitude silicon valley seems to foster in people- that if you work
hard at something you believe in, you have a chance at being successful in
ways you never could have dreamed? That's the only way an economy is going to
work in the future. That's the only way when the majority of manual labor jobs
can be eliminated by automation. Being able to teach, develop, and put
yourself to good use in something you're proud of is gonna be the only way
we've got left.

Pessimism isn't worth shit, and we've got too much of it in the US. At least
with optimism, people try things. Sure, their dreams of success might be
delusional- but they still have value, in that they'll try, and in trying,
better themselves. The other option is that they just keep living a life of
misery or mediocrity, and that way leads only madness.

~~~
timr
If you don't live here, then you have no idea what I'm talking about.

Look, there are obviously pockets of this country where people feel stuck. I'm
even a firm believer that many people in the US _actually are_ stuck in place
by forces beyond their control. But in general, a lack of optimism has never
been a problem in this country.

Survey after survey tells us that, on average, Americans believe that we're
smarter, more capable and harder working than our peers. We believe that if we
work hard, we'll be rewarded proportionately. We believe that the rich/poor
gap is _much_ smaller than it is. We believe -- in ridiculously large numbers
-- that we all have a realistic chance of becoming wealthy. It manifests
itself in thousands of ridiculous ways, from our abysmal savings rate, to the
way our political system tends to reward the wealthy at the expense of the
average.

There's a human bias toward optimism, but Americans really take it to the next
level:

[http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/15/opinion/15Sharot.html?_r=0](http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/15/opinion/15Sharot.html?_r=0)

~~~
smtddr
There's a difference between optimism, arrogance, desperation and ignorance.
Some of the things you described I wouldn't label with the word "optimism".

------
giulivo
I enjoyed the post but there is one sentence I can't understand:

 _> 2/ Only surround yourself with brilliant and positive people. Negative and
mediocre people are everywhere and their influence on you can be devastating._

The thing is that I'm potentially one of those "mediocre" people and I don't
see why my influence should be devastating.

For instance, what is wrong about being negative? Not that my days are about
it but, when I find myself thinking about the society we've built, I feel
depressed and helplessness. Our society runs on poverty, climate change, INC
governments, wars. We got to a point where some perpetuate violence on people
and animals for living.

Not only that but from a certain perspective, I've a reason to think about
myself as a mediocre person, cause I managed to get lot of good things from
life, including a fun job but I'm not the "cool kid" and, as such, I think I'm
quite a mediocre guy.

So my question is as follows, what are you suggesting here: _the best way to
avoid any negativity get to you, is to eliminate these gloomy people from your
life_ ?

Sounds more a strategy for distraction.

~~~
stevewillows
This may be based on Law 10 of the 48 Laws of Power.

"You can die from someone else’s misery. Emotional states are as infectious as
diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only
precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on
themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and
fortunate instead."

– Robert Greene / 48 Laws of Power

[http://cgt411.tech.purdue.edu/covey/48_laws_of_power.htm](http://cgt411.tech.purdue.edu/covey/48_laws_of_power.htm)

~~~
bradleysmith
I thought the same thing. Great read.

~~~
stevewillows
I listened to the audio book version - - the man sounds like the Devil
himself. Great book though - - I recommend it to everyone I know.

~~~
bradleysmith
if you havent read it, He also did The Art of Seduction in a similar 'rules
through historic case-by-case basis' style, but focused on relationships. its
every bit as icky, and definitely just as good.

Robert Greene always reminds me of the quote by Sandy Lerner I heard on NPR
somewhere:

 _" the first rule of any game is to know you're in one"_

~~~
stevewillows
Icky is probably the best word to describe it. There is a certain power to
understanding how to maneuver a situation and use it to your advantage.

With Laws, I found the 'never outshine the master' principal to be invaluable
when meeting a new group of people.

As an aside, tomorrow is your first HN birthday. HB!

~~~
bradleysmith
I've always liked Law 9 'Win through your actions, never through argument'.
It's good to remember most arguments won are Pyrrhic victories.

hah yeah thanks. I'd been lurking for years before I realized this was a
community to stay with (and build reputation with) on the internets. I always
think of how much I'd read it in college (graduated 09), and kick myself for
not grabbing my name then. I think it was a year or two of following before I
knew what y-combinator was :).

~~~
stevewillows
We all lurked for a bit. :)

I've spent most of the day talking with different people about this book.
There's a lot of really great wisdom that often gets overshadowed by the few
manipulative techniques.

------
eksith
Great advice, but... "Don’t compare yourself to others" I've repeatedly found
this to be near-impossible. It's just that no matter what standard I've set
for myself, just the fact that I see someone doing better automatically makes
me think I'm doing something wrong and/or I'm not good enough. That may not be
the case, but that's the default thought for me and only after do I actually
look into it.

What's worse is that not only is it totally the wrong attitude, I _know_ that
it's the wrong attitude. It's very disheartening.

~~~
SmallBets
I've had similar problems and saw a talk by Heidi Halvorson that reframed it a
bit: Instead of trying to stop the "compare to others" behavior, replace the
behavior instead with "compare to my own past performance". I've found
measuring and hacking your own improvement is a more useful feedback loop.

~~~
Amokrane
I love it.

------
shire
2/ Only surround yourself with brilliant and positive people.

this really touched me, most of my friends are always negative and angry and
sad to say but my family is also dysfunctional which at times leads me to
being stressed and upset as well. It's hard to cut people off who are your
family and friends though.

------
WalterGR
Does anyone know of any good meta-analyses of studies about happiness / life
satisfaction?

Or put another way: what does actual research suggest the "commandments" for
happiness are?

~~~
theorique
There are a lot of blog posts out there, many of which refer to peer-reviewed
literature (or at least to news articles about peer reviewed literature).

This is one of the best IMO: [http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/09/10-things-you-
need-to-know...](http://www.bakadesuyo.com/2011/09/10-things-you-need-to-know-
to-be-happier/)

A lot of it aligns with what you might consider "common sense":

exercise

a sense of purpose and meaning (can be religion-based, but doesn't have to be)

meaningful work

gratitude for positive things in your life

having someone you can talk to about your problems and difficulties

regular and consistent connections with friends and family

~~~
ggreer
That list contains a lot of good advice. However, I did pause at:

 _3) Money isn’t going to make you much happier. It might make you unhappier._

It's true that above a certain point, money doesn't correlate much with
happiness. People are terrible at affective forecasting, so most rich people
don't spend their money on things that will make them happy.

If you are wealthy, see the paper "If money doesn't make you happy, then you
probably aren't spending it right" for some ideas on how to purchase hedons:
[http://www.wjh.harvard.edu/~dtg/DUNN%20GILBERT%20&%20WILSON%...](http://www.wjh.harvard.edu/~dtg/DUNN%20GILBERT%20&%20WILSON%20\(2011\).pdf)

~~~
Kurtz79
This is a great read, much more interesting than the original article.

Thanks for the link.

~~~
avenger123
I definitely concur.

Here's another life story that has resonated with me -
[http://www.alvinlaw.com/](http://www.alvinlaw.com/)

I always think being grateful for what you have is a major ingredient for
happiness. Alvin's story really made me reflect on all the good things in my
life.

------
bigd
I've the feeling this is getting little out of hand. What this Oprah crap has
to do with hackernews?

(a shitty negative person)

------
jafaku
> Have strong values and stick to them, no matter what.

What if someone shows me evidence, a better reasoning, or anything I didn't
know, that goes against one of my values? I disagree with this point.

~~~
brugidou
Your values have nothing to do with evidence, reasoning and/or facts. You can
change your opinion, increase your knowledge, admit you were wrong about facts
but this won't change your values.

~~~
hnriot
Of course it does. One's values can be affirmed by evidence, or shown to be
based on untruths. For example, I might have competition as one of my values,
believing that its always good to be competitive and do one's best and strive
to win. Then one day wake up and take stock of the accumulated evidence and
realize that maybe this wasn't a good value to have held after all. It's
nonsense to say values have nothi to do with evidence.

~~~
roryokane
This disagreement is a result of using the single word “value” to mean two
different types of values. The values you describe are “instrumental values”.
The values brugidou describes are “terminal values”. Here is a description of
each:
[http://lesswrong.com/lw/l4/terminal_values_and_instrumental_...](http://lesswrong.com/lw/l4/terminal_values_and_instrumental_values/)

------
gsk
Graham Greene said: "Point me out the happy man and I will point you out
either egotism, selfishness, evil - or else an absolute ignorance."

This world isn't built for maximising happiness of humans, this is true
whether you follow scientific rationale or religious faith. When you pursue
happiness, you are working against the system. There in nothing wrong with it,
however it does tell you why Graham Greene concluded the above.

~~~
namenotrequired
What do you think the world is built to maximise?

Edit: clarity

~~~
gsk
Life is built to maximise survival, I suppose. Note that Life is not the World
(I refer to the physical non-biological things as world). I would say, as far
as science can probe, world isn't there to maximise anything.

------
6d0debc071
Commandments for happiness. Hmm, okay ^_^

From my experiences, these spring up as the big ones I'd mention:

1\. Learn to be happy with your own company before you seek a relationship.
People who want to be your emotional crutches are generally bad for your
growth in the long run, and being able to be happy on your own will help you
get out if the other person becomes abusive.

2\. Don't have a totally unbalanced investment in any one person, group or
activity. Doing so makes you very vulnerable and makes failure in that area
devastating for no commensurate increase in happiness.

3\. Find people you can listen to, and who are interested in some of the same
sort of things that you are. Listen to these people if you honestly trust them
or leave them if you don't. If your friends are honest, sometimes they'll hurt
you in warning you off of things or people. This is worth it - don't get so
lost in your own ego that you lose all tough with reality, in the long run
that will hurt more.

4\. Get enough high-quality sleep. Not all sleep is good, even if you manage
to pass out. Silence and as near to total darkness as you can get are pretty
much prerequisites to waking up refreshed. A comfortable bed that properly
supports you is also worthwhile. I've had friends who've gone off of
depression medication by virtue of changing their beds and buying some
blackout blinds. Just -- check that sort of thing first if you're having
problems.

5\. Do things with others. Archery, dancing, swimming, martial arts, paint-
balling, painting, singing, etc. It gives you a chance to discover new
passions and gets you in contact with a wider variety of friends in situations
where you can form lasting relationships.

6\. Smile at people. A smile is a gift you give to everyone around you, and
it's free to the giver. It also seems to be linked to areas of our brains that
make us feel happy even if we don't really feel that happy inside at the time.
And seeing people smile back is nice.

7\. Learn to look for the potential positives in things and phrase everything
that you can in terms of positives rather than negatives. Few people like
little storm-clouds dooming and glooming over them - in my experience, even in
my own head, having a different spin on things makes me happier. You can make
yourself very lonely just on the strength of choosing a specific phrasing.

8\. This may not be for everyone, but: Teach. Not necessarily in a school
environment. It can be incredibly rewarding to see a younger girl smile at the
program she's just written, celebrate her first job, or (I gather from my
boyfriend,) a young man make his first bit of woodwork.

9\. Learn to recognise when you're boring people. This is, I gather, initially
a rather depressing skill - but if you persevere you can find people who
actually like being around you, or moderate your egoism somewhat, and that
tends to be more rewarding.

10\. Caring for others can let you be at least partially happy about some
things that you might be sad about. A social form of hedging your bets. When
the weather is blisteringly hot, for instance, I remind myself that Ellen (one
of my friends) likes putting her washing out and sunbathing on the weekends
and that makes me smile.

~~~
acurious1ne
Created an account just to thank you for your thoughtful, interesting post.

------
soora
One concept that I think is hard to grasp, and makes taking this sort of
advice hard to apply, is just how much our default happiness is biologically
hard coded.

For this reason I view the point about exercise and eating healthy to be the
most important one on the list.

~~~
Amokrane
I have read a book on this subject: [http://www.amazon.fr/The-How-Happiness-
Approach-Getting/dp/0...](http://www.amazon.fr/The-How-Happiness-Approach-
Getting/dp/0143114956). The author wrote that happiness was defined at 50% by
our genes, 10% by circumstances and 40% by intentional activities. I guess
that's a non-negligible proportion we could act on.

------
rheide
Not bad. I always look at the Dokkodo to motivate myself:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dokk%C5%8Dd%C5%8D](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dokk%C5%8Dd%C5%8D)
. I sense some similarities.

------
freejack
A great list.

I'd add - Understand the cost of fitting in. Being truly outstanding at what
you do sometimes means you need to do it by yourself. Fitting in is
comfortable, and will rarely lead to excellence and deep personal
satisfaction.

------
Shank
I agree with every one of those things. Especially #2, but in a reverse
effect: I've noticed that if I'm in a negative mood, the people I care about
the most suffer from it. In the same way that you shouldn't surround yourself
with people who are negative, you should attempt to be the same way yourself
as much as possible. It'll make you a better person to be around.

------
kyle4211
Eh.

1) We're social creatures -- we will inherently derive feelings of success
from certain comparisons with others. Why should I forcefully negate this
natural channel for happiness?

2) Only surround yourself with brilliant people. Negative people can be great.

3) Don’t be afraid to fail. Failing is not the best thing that could happen to
you.

4) Find your vocation and have pleasure doing it (if vocations are you thing).

5) +1

6) +1

7) +1

8) +1

9) +1

10) Eh.

------
Sagat
Great, another listicle that people will get excited about and then forget
about in a few days.

------
bjourne
I wouldn't mind the list so much if you wrote "this is MY best tips for
happiness and success." Because then it wouldn't contradict many studies on
the subject which finds that very different variables cause happyness and
success.

------
rpmuller
I click on every link similar to this one, and I've started to see the same
things over and over again. This article was refreshing and different. Thanks
for sharing.

------
baldfat
There is no mediocre people???? Unless you like to be a ranking jerk with no
friends. Seriously some of the most amazing people I have meet were "mediocre"

------
farnsworth
How do I find and identify brilliant and positive people?

------
dbpokorny
1\. Pablum 2\. Pablum 3\. Pablum 4\. Pablum 5\. Pablum 6\. Pablum 7\. Pablum
8\. Pablum 9\. FIGHT THE MATRIX 10\. Pablum

I like this guy :)

------
damiongrimfield
i think some of these points can help me. and the css block in the document
head is priceless.

------
crassus
I disagree with the dichotomy between living a "default life" and being
happy[1]. Maybe in America where society is so atomized and culture is so dead
this is true, but this is not true everywhere. It is an American sickness that
says you must work your way to happiness, that happiness comes at the end of a
chain of accomplishments.

What more is needed to be happy but friends, family, and enough to get by?
Honestly, I think living in a culture with a strong sense of itself and its
purpose is more important than any of the author's points, but people living
in America wouldn't know what that feels like.

All of what makes America terrible and most of what makes it successful is the
puritan ancestry of its institutions. More and more Americans are skipping
having families. Why? Because it would interfere with their career.
Translated: _they want to work more_. In an effort to work their way into
heaven, they ignore heaven's gifts.

I know a lot of people that follow the author's advice, or try to (I can guess
which cultural milieu this is coming from). They are all stressed out trying
to save the world or something and nervous about failing (commandment number 3
is like saying "don't get cold in the winter").

[1] [http://www.theonion.com/articles/unambitious-loser-with-
happ...](http://www.theonion.com/articles/unambitious-loser-with-happy-
fulfilling-life-still,33233/)

~~~
Amokrane
FWIW, I grew up in a third world country, waking up everyday fearing that I or
someone I care about will die in a bomb attack (search for Algerian Civil War:
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algerian_Civil_War](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algerian_Civil_War))
and having all sort of daily issues (no water for a week, no electricity for
days, etc.), and I can tell you this for sure: this didn't prevent us from
wanting a life that's above average, from pursuing happiness and from
questioning whether we loved what we were doing or not.

Also, I am not sure where you are reading that you should be solitary or not
have any family. I take care of my parents, a depressed brother who threatens
to suicide every now and then, I am married and would love to have children.
What's wrong with having that and aspiring to work on something that you find
enjoyable instead of settling on a boring job?

