
Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid - alexitosrv
http://www.alternet.org/module/printversion/129887
======
bokonist
Woman did not evolve to find smart guys or "nice" guys attractive. Woman are
programmed to find the leader of the pack attractive, even if said leader is
an a __hole. Fortunately, most well raised woman were taught with their
rational minds to be wary of the jerk and to go for the gentleman. So
rationally they want the nice guy, but the animal mind wants the leader of the
pack. This creates conflict. If you've ever been in a situation where you've
had a close female friend tell you - "you're a nice guy, but I'm sorry, I'm
just attracted to you. I really wish I was, but I'm not" - you know what I
mean.

The answer is not to become to an asshole, but you should cultivate an air of
being more like a leader of the pack. Note you do not have to actually be a
leader of a group of guys to do this. It's just about sending the right
signals to the female's animal mind.

Things you can do to give that impression are: be confident when approaching
girls, do not be needy or give off signs of desperation, tease her, be
interesting, give off a sense of bemused indifference, don't act like your
trying too hard, do not be afraid to touch her on the arm or shoulder, flirt
with her friends, etc. I learned this stuff through experience and friends,
but there are sources on the internet that can greatly speed up the process.
You can read the archives of Roissy's blog, but be warned, it's very not PC -
<http://roissy.wordpress.com/>

~~~
banned_man
You're blaming evolution for womens' generally execrable tastes in men, but
the source of the problem is likely cultural and psychological.

A large proportion of American women have been raised with an unspoken and
often subliminal belief that sex is filthy, painful and degrading. This
association is formed at a young age and most women are not aware that they
have it, but it leads them to become attracted to men who are boorish, stupid,
and threatening, rather than the intelligent and decent guys. Often, they are
actually completely incapable of being sexually attracted to men who don't
threaten and degrade them on, at the least, a subconscious level. This is
what's at hand in the case of "you're a nice guy, but I'm sorry, I'm just
attracted to you. I really wish I was, but I'm not".

This doesn't describe the majority of women or relationships, but it does
describe nearly all of the sexually "loud" women. It seems paradoxical, but
promiscuous women almost always have this subconscious distaste for sex, while
relatively chaste women often have only a trace of it.

~~~
bokonist
The generally chaste girls are the same way, they still go for the strong guy
over the "nice" guy. Girls that have been taught all their life to go for the
nice guy, still find themselves attracted to the bad boy. The
evolutionary/genetic explanation seems to fit my observations the best.

I actually think men get some blame for the "girls falling for a __holes"
problem. I think too many quality men listened to their mothers and school
teachers, who said the key is to be a nice guy. The assholes never listened,
and learned on the street to win girls via strength. Thus only the assholes
act strong and get the girl, while the nerds lose out. The solution is that
the good men need to grow a backbone. Then women will be able to find men who
they are both attracted to and are good partners.

~~~
HSO
"they still go for the strong guy over the "nice" guy"

The antonym to strong is weak, not nice. I think people often forget that
girls, particularly sane and intelligent ones, do not reject the prototypical
"nice guy" because he is nice but because he is a pushover. That is, weak. You
can be strong and nice. In fact, I think the strongest ones usually are "nice"
or considerate because they can afford to, whereas at least where I'm moving,
being an asshole or abrasive is a sign of weakness.

~~~
joetrumpet
He didn't mean antonym, which is why he mentioned at the end girls could then
find both a nice and strong guy. In other words, it's less likely for nice
guys to have the trait, but not impossible: they don't have it because they
didn't attempt it since they simply listened to girls who didn't know (or
weren't willing to admit) what they wanted.

In my experience, girls do want first and foremost an alpha male, and being a
nice guy on top of that makes it even better. It's just not a necessity so the
jerks can succeed without that quality, whereas the nice guys can't succeed
without "dominance."

~~~
banned_man
So your argument is that women don't have shitty, infantile tastes so much as
shitty, infantile priorities, then?

~~~
joetrumpet
It came about for evolutionary purposes, I'm sure, and the magnitude of their
influence is quite debatable, and varies greatly from person to person. But do
you believe status is not a factor in the eyes of most girls (this is, of
course, simply a generalization)?

I'm sure you have friends who you would consider incredibly nice, but very
shy, guys who never could get a girlfriend, and plenty of jerky, but
confident, guys who you wonder why girls would date. Confident guys, even when
not nice, just seem to win out over really nice, but not at all confident,
guys. Guys with both win out over both. Whether or not it's a bad thing is
your call.

(I'm not arguing guys are above their primitive desires: not by any means,
it's just not the focus of this discussion.)

------
davidw
One thing that helped me a lot: investing some money in some salsa dancing
lessons. First of all, I actually enjoy it, it's fun (if you don't like it you
wont' get far). Second, it's sort of cool, compared to, say, talking about
startups and computers with someone who is potentially not interested in
either one. Also, it's something where practice does pay off, and where you
can't fake it, so investing some time will get you results. It's a real dance,
too, between a man and a woman (well, a couple in any case, but we'll leave
out the PC stuff for the sake of convenience) where the man leads and the
woman follows, and they hold on to one another, not one of those flaily club
type dance things. You can learn a lot about someone in a 2 or 3 minute dance
with them, actually, and if you go to the right sort of clubs, people often
change partners, so you have the chance to dance with lots of different people
(so it's sort of like speed dating, but not so silly) and see what works out.
Most places I've ever been to, people are having fun and smile, which I find a
lot more attractive than the pouty, I'm-too-cool look. Oh, and finally, women
who know how to really dance salsa are hot. Moving and swaying like that
really adds something! Getting up the confidence to ask people to dance is
really good too. You'll get shot down lots too, but you learn to deal with
that.

~~~
andyking
Totally. I did it not so long ago (still am) and it's a brilliant confidence
boost; everyone's there for the same reason, so it's not like just going to
some club and hoping someone there will talk to you! You've got something in
common, something to have a laugh about with every person there.

Go into it with the right attitude and you will have fun. Don't fall into the
trap that some men do and think "ooh, such-and-such a magazine says salsa
classes will get me laid", cause on their own they won't. Girls there can spot
the guys who go there with one intention from miles off and _won't_ dance with
them. Go there with the intention to have a bit of a giggle, meet a few new
people, make a bit of a tit of yourself on occasion (something we ALL need!)
and learn some sexy moves while you're at it and the world is your oyster.

(Sorry for the disjointed response, I'm rushing out of the door! Will probably
come back and write more later.)

~~~
davidw
Exactly - I should clarify the "helped me a lot" in my previous post was more
in terms of meeting lots of people and having fun than going home every night
with some girl (although the owner of our favorite place once impressed us by
showing up, spotting some girl, dancing a few songs and then heading out the
door together). It eventually worked out pretty well because the woman I ended
up marrying liked going dancing a lot when we first met:-)

------
jlees
An incredibly masculine-focused article even if it made plenty of attempts to
try to generalise across both the sexes.

Being a smart woman gives you totally different dating prospects than being a
smart guy (and not just the obvious). Seriously.

It also gives you reasons to turn off the opposite sex that don't seem to be
mentioned in the article - for example a lot of women play it dumb for fear of
intimidating the guy they're flirting with. I've even caught myself doing it,
which is saying a lot - I wear my IQ and education like a suit of armour most
of the time.

~~~
_pius
_for example a lot of women play it dumb for fear of intimidating the guy
they're flirting with_

Ironically enough, this doesn't seem like a very intelligent strategy. I
definitely get it, but it doesn't seem like a very wise approach in the long-
term. What kind of partner would you end up with by hiding one of your most
prized qualities?

~~~
endtime
Agreed, though really this generalizes to "be yourself if you want to meet
someone with whom to have a relationship."

------
charlesju
1\. Sex is overrated. Like they said in the 40 year old virgin, don't put the
pussy on a pedestal. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, they are
probably not worth the time to sleep with. Find someone you can love, it's a
much more rewarding experience, trust me.

2\. If you are bent on being a "player", and you are smart (truly smart, not
just smart as in able to program smart), then you can probably learn how to do
it. Human beings are not that complicated.

~~~
rarrrrrr
1 - I would argue that truly good sex, despite all hype, is yet highly
underrated.

I expect few people experience it though. Contributing factors include
accumulated skill, anatomical compatibility, mindset, mood, physical fitness,
etc. It's an outlier.

------
adrianwaj
I'll sum it up: for a nice guy, the onus is on the female to say "yes" to his
advances (if any) and for the dark-triad male, the onus is on her to say "no"
to his advances.

As sexuality today is still very much mostly a powerful unconscious drive, it
is harder for most females to say "yes" than "no," because saying yes is a
conscious decision and the female instead finds it easier to remain passive to
her powerful unconscious side around these aholes, and which is why she's even
interested in either in the first place.

Aholes can muscle in on the nice guy, and we have not reached the tipping
point for many females to take better control of their sexuality.

In the end you can be a nice guy, but when the ahole comes along, be prepared.
Don't leave it up to her to say yes.

~~~
ahpeeyem
I think you're definitely onto something here, and I think the guy who puts
himself out there and puts the onus on the woman to say 'no' instead of
waiting for her to say 'yes' is more successful for a few reasons.

1\. As you say, it's easier and less risky for the woman to remain passive and
not make the conscious decision to say yes to the 'nice' guy who's waiting for
her.

2\. There is a lot of social pressure on females to not be a 'slut'. This is
becoming less than it used to be but is also subtle and ingrained into
society. By remaining passive and letting the man chase, she avoids the
possibility of seeming promiscuous.

3\. Some of the other comments are saying this as well: the theory that women
have evolved to be attracted to a leader. Leadership, strength and confidence
are demonstrated by a guy who will go out of his way to pursue a woman, even
despite her initial coquettishness and playing hard to get. By doing this he
shows that he's a confident man who has balls and is not afraid to get what he
wants - themselves apparently attractive qualities in a bloke.

~~~
adrianwaj
Also, the alpha and dark males probably get the bigger rejections, and that's
what the nice guys are seeking to avoid. So that's another factor for the
struggling males, being able to pursue but then being able to pick yourself up
after a rejection.

There's another factor at work to, 'consent.' A nice guy wants the interaction
to be consensual, and it should be, but in a way she doesn't because as you
say there's a stigma to it, but then again if she never gives consent, she'll
not only end up attracting the aholes and be quietly looking for them to
satiate her 'guilty pleasures', but also on the downside she'll lock herself
out of the nice guys because giving consent will be too painful, and when she
does, he may be ultimately turned off.

In the end, she'll marry a somewhat inexperienced nice bloke to raise the kids
after being used and abused by the aholes, and she may cheat on him if her
issues are unresolved.

~~~
DTrejo
How depressing.

~~~
adrianwaj
If you can't find a truly nice girl or someone you really connect with, you
can go for someone younger, that also can be easier.

Another tip to ride the depression out: even though you want to call the new
babe straight away, don't, no matter how excited you are, wait until the
excitement wears off to the point you're almost depressed again, so to speak,
then call. If she rejects you (she probably won't), it won't matter, you've
found your center.

------
Tsagadai
The guy has a number of things backward or set in stone.

First off you can have your cake and eat it. You don't actually need to cease
being anything to get laid you just have to look harder. Honesetly, it is just
that easy, somewhere out there is a woman/man/transgender looking for someone
just like you. Hell, there are probably 10 people like that in every country.

Second, the author takes a very macho outlook on dating. You don't have to do
that. People are quite varied. Some like X, some prefer Y and some really love
Q. His entire 'be the (wo)man' bit just smacks of heterocentricism and
ignorance. Some people like the same. If that is you I encourage you to pursue
that because you will be far, far happier than if you repress who you really
are.

Third. This point is just my advice. Don't deride people or look down on them.
You will find love in peculiar places if only you look. So you're smart. Big
deal. Don't dismiss that girl who left school before senior or the guy who
never went to college. There are different forms of intelligence and you can
find intelligent people who are not in the mold of the traditionally smart,
educated and successful.

And lastly, get out of the house/town/country. You will never find anyone, not
even for a date if you don't get away from your personal comfort zone. I'm not
dismissing those who only want to meet people through friends only that you
must be truly lucky to find love that way. It is always best to expand
yourself and head to the horizon of the known.

------
sachinag
Frankly, there's an opportunity here: make a dating site just for smart
people. Don't just ask about people's alma mater, ask for their GPA and major.
Don't just let people say what they do, ask what their employer and title is.
Ask for SAT, GRE, GMAT, LSAT, whatever other scores.

Then let your users screen on the stuff that they use as a proxy for smart. We
all have different definitions for smart; just try to accommodate as many of
them as possible. Women complain _all the time_ about having to act dumber to
find a man because the dumb men are the ones who ask them out.

~~~
chris11
There are already service that somewhat meet those needs. Eg:
<http://www.rightstuffdating.com/>. This site limits members to specific
schools. Not all of the accepted schools are ivy league quality, and you could
probably get in from a school not on the list. But the service is being
advertised as for single adults from elite universities. There are other
similar dating services.

Plus there is always Mensa and other high-iq societies. People have said that
Mensa has just turned into a club to find people to date. Here's Kathleen O's
experience with using Mensa for dating:[http://www.yelp.com/topic/chicago-a-
speed-dating-service-lik...](http://www.yelp.com/topic/chicago-a-speed-dating-
service-like-no-other-regular-people-need-not-apply)

------
blader
Being smart won't get you a lot of things.

OTOH, being smart at getting yourself laid will almost certainly get you laid.

~~~
dasil003
That's a tautology.

~~~
blader
You can be smart at a skill without guarantee of success.

~~~
pavel_lishin
You almost certainly provided a guarantee.

------
ajuc
I've always been shy and had troubles with relations with other people. I've
met my wife by chance, and it was miracle that she didn't put me down when
I've told her repeatedly "I'm so boring, really, let's speak about you" on our
first "date" :).

I was expecting women will appreciate that I'm so humble etc. It turns out
they just thought I'm really boring, if I say so myself. So this is lesson
number one - don't assume women will appreciate that you are humble.

Still - my wife somewhat endured my "I'm so humble and nice etc" talk, and
we're married now, so there is a chance to everybody :)

So - lesson number 2 is - when you meet right kind of person at right moment
in life, it is really difficult to screw things up. So be yourself and don't
worry - your time will come.

Just remember to be open to new people and new experiences.

PS when you are shy it helps a lot when you think about everything you do in
terms of "what would be the worst outcome of this if I screw up?" It is often
the case that the worst outcome is exactly the same that if you don't do
anything. So expected value is higher than 0 :). For me it helped a lot.

~~~
pavel_lishin
_when you are shy it helps a lot when you think about everything you do in
terms of "what would be the worst outcome of this if I screw up?"_

Sounds like a quick trip to panic attack city.

------
jkkramer
All you really need to get laid is a willingness to eat humble pie while you
climb the social learning curve.

It's simple: smile, make eye contact, show interest, ask questions. You will
probably feel like an idiot. Repeat until confidence outweighs fear. If you're
smart, use your brain for wit, not for showing off.

~~~
nostrademons
My female friends also tell me: "Tell her she's beautiful!" Apparently, most
girls use this as the litmus test for whether a guy is into her. If he doesn't
find her attractive, or isn't willing to say so, she won't find him
attractive. This even seems to apply to girls that are _already_ sleeping with
you: they'll ditch you for a guy that compliments them more at the first
opportunity.

I haven't had a chance to test this, since I'm still ignoring the first 4
steps. But I have on occasion accidentally made certain friends develop a
crush on me by offhandedly calling them pretty. So it seems to work fairly
well.

~~~
sho
I think that only works in the case that the female is insecure, in other
words only about 99.9% of the time, so be careful with this technique.

------
mattlanger
For whatever reason this really struck a nerve for me.

It's erected on a false dichotomy: "given a choice between happy-go-lucky and
picky-but-lonely, happy sounds like more fun."

I don't personally measure my completeness or incompleteness by my romantic
status. My estimation of self-worth comes instead from my research, my
projects, and my work. It's an arbitrary preference, much as it's arbitrary
for some people to feel completed by a union with someone else.

I'm smart, I'm driven, and I'm incredibly picky when it comes to the people I
socialize with. Life is short, and just like everyone else does I make
personal value judgments as to how best spend what little time I have. And in
the end I'm quite happy--and still single.

Go figure.

------
vaksel
simply earn a ton of money, and your prospects to get laid will suddenly
increase

~~~
Rod
That's a loser's game. Sure, a ton of money will get you laid... with
precisely the kind of women one should avoid in the first place. Money does
not increase one's attractiveness _per se_ , it only attracts scavengers
commonly known as gold-diggers. Better use the money to improve oneself...

~~~
vaksel
who said anything about relationships? this is only about getting laid.

And if you are loaded and want to avoid gold diggers, nothing is stopping you
from going 007 on it, rent an apartment, buy a beater, and pretend to be broke

~~~
potatolicious
Or just live in a comfortable place, drive a decent car... live like a normal
person...

~~~
vaksel
yeah but decent car = gold digger, unless you don't buy anything fancy and
settle for something boring like an accord

~~~
potatolicious
What do you define as decent? If you want the vroom vroom get a cheap-ish
sports car like the 350Z ($30K-range), which while being a bit high profile,
is still low enough to ward off the gold diggers.

If you go higher into luxury sport car territory... that's your own fault :)

~~~
vaksel
if you think a 30K car will ward off gold diggers you are way off. 20-25K is
the most you can spend, and even then that accounts if you are buying new, if
you buy a used M3 all bets are off.

~~~
mattmaroon
How on Hacker News did we get into talking about which sports car will get you
laid but still ward off gold diggers? There are at least three things there
that, no offense because I'm including myself, this would be the last place
I'd look for advice on.

------
bryarcanium
"Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man,
you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex."

How... heteronormative... of him. I'll pick my own brand of suitable,
thankyouverymuch.

~~~
nopassrecover
I'd imagine there's probably a completely different set of rules for
homosexual attraction though.

~~~
Tsagadai
There are actually no rules for homosexual or heterosexual attraction. People
are far too complex for that sort of categorisation.

~~~
pavel_lishin
And global weather patterns are too complex to predict.

------
dejb
This is a such well written sales copy. I followed it through to the 'book'
and eventually came across one of those scamy looking very long sales pages.
Check it out

<http://www.thetaoofdating.com/page3.php>

I'm not saying this means the article or product isn't valid or interesting
but it does look like they have successful gamed HN.

------
noodle
being smart will get you laid, for sure.

being raised in a family/culture that quashes social interaction and
activities is the thing that will salt your game.

edit: pulled it back to original version

~~~
mariorz
Your point came across much better in the original version:

 _"being smart will get you laid, for sure. being raised in a family/culture
that quashes social interaction and activities is the thing that will salt
your game."_

~~~
noodle
guess i should've stuck with my gut reaction. i appreciate the input.

------
strlen
As I mentioned in a different comment, I think the issue boils down to having
unrealistic expectations -- and these unrealistic expectations preventing
smart individuals from getting any sort of experience in dating (which builds
confidence) or finding out what they really want (e.g. Are you unable to date
someone who doesn't share your political views? Who isn't a fellow nerd? who
doesn't have a specific body type? You'll never whether any of these "must
haves" is really something you're looking for until you try).

In addition, getting into physical shape wouldn't hurt: initial attraction
(what gets you the first date) is still mostly physical and being in good
shape makes one confident (which gets you past the first three dates). Being
in shape will also give you far more energy for 80 work weeks and all night
hackathons (in no way, will being physically fit magically make you into a
"jock").

------
cturner
Happy coincidence - work is sending me to Duesseldorf on Monday!

------
Ras_
Consider joining Carrotmob or some other "semi-hippie" environmental group.
Your odds might improve - or at least you're helping to save the world with
your talent.

------
MaysonL
Being smart _can_ get you laid - you just have to find women who find smart
guys attractive (such as the lady who was my boss at my first programming
job). Such women do exist, though they're not all that common.

~~~
carterschonwald
I second this.. I've found that just being overwhelmingly interesting is like
candy to the right girls, and independent of whether its just friends or more,
those gals are a pleasure to be around.

------
sown
Being smart got me a well paying job.

For about 3 hours of work I can make it happen + tips.

But seriously, I'm not willing to "get some" because it requires me to do
things I don't want or willing to. It's sort of like PG's essay on popularity.

~~~
anamax
> But seriously, I'm not willing to "get some" because it requires me to do
> things I don't want or willing to.

What are the things that you don't want to do or are unwilling to do that you
think would get you laid?

~~~
sown
According to my mom, I am unwilling to make any attempt to improve myself in
any way

~~~
flinchreel
According to your mom, I don't need to.

------
trapper
It's funny. Most of the people I know didn't take advice a) loosen up, they
took b) move, and went to europe following a smart female they met during
postgrad.

~~~
ajuc
Hey, you smart Americans, left our smart women to us :)

------
gits_tokyo
if one would realize it's all a hologram, that there's nothing to lose or gain
except the amount of value one actually perceives.

is it necessary for survival?

i think the problem areas lay in the fact that everyone is buying into the
greatest hood wink of life and turning it into something greater than it
really should be.

------
Vivtek
This is probably unreasonable, but three mentions of amoeba in terms of sexual
reproduction really rankle.

------
frossie
What a load of patronising, stereotyping... argh, I won't say it here. For
starters, I see no evidence that this is a problem (anecdotes, anecdotes).

Anybody can get laid. Finding someone who wants to put up with you the rest of
the time is the true accomplishment.

------
mojuba
_By virtue (or vice) of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet's
inhabitants as a dating prospect._

Dear Nature, I would like to eliminate most of the planet's inhabitants as a
dating prospect by virtue or vice of me being smart. Thank you.

------
zvikara
> Smart people spent more time on achievements than on relationships when
> growing up.

More details about it from pg : <http://www.paulgraham.com/nerds.html>

------
dkarl
I thought I was smart. I thought I was right. I thought it better not to
fight. I thought there was a virtue, in always being cool. So it came time to
fight, I thought "I'll just step aside," and that the time will prove you
wrong. And that you would be a fool.

To fight is to defend. If it's not now then tell me when would be the time
that you would stand up and be a man. For to lose I could accept, but to
surrender I just wept, and regretted this moment that I was the fool.

'Cause I'm a man, not a boy, and there are things you can't avoid. You have to
face them when you're not prepared to face them. If I could, I would, but
you're with him, now it'd do no good. I should've fought him. But instead I
let him... I let him take it.

------
edgeztv
Bull. There are plenty of smart ppl successful in this area just as there are
plenty of average guys unsuccessful at it.

------
ivankirigin
I met Abby in an honors algorithms class.

------
Goladus
I don't think smart men have more problems getting laid, I think they just
tend to whine louder about it.

------
seshagiric
It won't get you laid-off either!

------
c00p3r
That is just an advertisement of very well positioned niche book - no one
thinks he or she is dumb.

 _Here's the thing: your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental
jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel._ \- this
thing was painted on every wall from the beginning of the time.

The problem is much more difficult and this approach is suitable perhaps only
for the Cosmopolitan magazine. The Freud's lectures of psyhoanalysis can be
useful as an bird-eye overview of the problem.

The main idea is about altering a personal history to get rid of a fixations,
regressions, and other things which were accumulated from the past and
especially childhood, developing new habits, changing yourself.

And there is a top-secret-great-magic-word: practice.

If one in in his/her thirties and still looking at this kind of books or texts
that simply indicates the very serious problem which requires an intensive
therapy. Time waits for no one

------
erlanger
Being smart, pragmatic, and unscrupulous will get you laid quite a bit. I
can't, and don't want to, figure out the last part.

~~~
dasil003
Fair enough, but don't let the unscrupulous part be a story you tell yourself
to justify why you've never figured out how to get laid.

~~~
erlanger
Um...here's hoping that an insightful comment on the topic of geeks getting
laid doesn't necessarily imply that I don't. Hope you got your giggles though.

~~~
dasil003
Of course I can't speak to you personally, but I've definitely seen cases of
exactly what I described. It wasn't a joke.

~~~
erlanger
Notice I said "quite a bit," not "when appropriate."

~~~
Nwallins
Wow, that took me a while to unwind. It wasn't immediately clear to me what "I
can't, and don't want to, figure out the last part" referred to.

You were expressing apprehension at exploring _why_ those particular
attributes confer a high success rate.

i.e. Why might bad behavior be rewarded?

~~~
erlanger
Exactly. I can get action, as can most single people. But if I wanted to get
laid all the time, I'd lie to women, entice drunk ones, etc. Not far off from
what most "pickup manuals" encourage.

~~~
sho
Sounds like a case of "I could if I wanted to" to me.

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ftse
OK, I've not read the article or any of the comments. My theory is, well, it
all comes down to Game Theory. All things being equal, if you are nice, an
arsehole or rich, if a guy/gal suspects you are _significantly_ smarter than
they are, they will (un-)consciously believe you will soon find a 'better'
partner and move on. So they don't invest in you => you don't get laid.

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hypermatt
Its all about emotions

