
How Schopenhauer’s thought can illuminate a midlife crisis - lermontov
https://aeon.co/ideas/how-schopenhauers-thought-can-illuminate-a-midlife-crisis
======
aphextron
>It is no accident that the young and the old are generally more satisfied
with life than those in middle age.

I was sitting in my car looking at a stop sign the other day, and all of the
sudden it started shaking uncontrollably. Immediately I knew it must be a
child shaking it, as there was simply no other possibility. No other person
would just stand there and shake a street sign for no purpose beyond its' own
sake. There is no benefit, no reward, no ultimate reasoning beyond 'I want to
shake this street sign". As I looked down, I was right, and the kid was
grinning like crazy.

We lose the ability to think like that as adults. It's not even that we _have_
the thought and then consciously decide against it; we're incapable of even
conceiving it. To just 'play' in life. And I think it's the most important
aspect of our humanity. It is the very genesis of all our innovative and
creative ideas, yet we treat it as something to be expelled in the process of
"growing up".

~~~
DonHopkins
Shaking a red sign that says "STOP" seems infinitely more satisfying than
shaking any other kind of sign.

I get a perverse pleasure out of setting my GPS destination far in the
opposite direction of where I'm actually driving, so it constantly tries to
talk me into turning around every exit, just so I can enjoy the simple
pleasure of not doing what it tells me to do.

~~~
dr_hooo
Ha, literal rage against a machine! I find it interesting that you enjoy
injecting artificial anxiety into your life. In contrast, I try to
continuously minimize minor daily annoyances.

~~~
JoeAltmaier
Just the opposite if we read the comment again. Its enjoyable, not anxiety-
inducing.

~~~
dr_hooo
I got that it's enjoyable for OP - but it would bug the hell out of me. I
found this difference surprising.

~~~
DonHopkins
Try working for TomTom for a few years. Then you'll have a different
perspective about those accursed "personal navigation devices".

They didn't appreciate my proposal to develop the TomTomagotchi: a PND with a
simulated personality that begs you to drive it all around town to various
points of interest it desires to visit in order to satisfy its cravings and
improve its mood. I'm sure there's a revenue model getting drive through
Burger Kings and car washes to pay for product placements.

Here are a couple of short hidden camera one minute movies about frustrated
robots we made at the Stupid Fun Club.

Stupid Fun Club's "Servitude" One Minute Movie about Robot Servitude, written
by Will Wright. Robot brain and personality simulation programmed by Don
Hopkins.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXsUetUzXlg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXsUetUzXlg)

Stupid Fun Club's "Empathy" One Minute Movie about Robot Empathy, written by
Will Wright. Robot brain and personality simulation programmed by Don Hopkins.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXrbqXPnHvE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXrbqXPnHvE)

And if you thought recalcitrant robots were hard to control:

Pet Rock Remote Control

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG0FAKkaisg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG0FAKkaisg)

(If you want your pet rock to be obedient, you just have to carefully choose
which commands you tell it to do.)

------
o2348diuu
This piece hits close to home, as it's really clear to me I am going through a
midlife crisis and have interesting parallels and contrasts with the author in
terms of my career and next steps.

What seems to me to be the heart of this piece is the telic-atelic
distinction, which seems useful and deserving of more attention. There's some
parallels, it seems, between the telic-atelic distinction on the one hand, and
the distinction between more stereotypical "western" goal-oriented notions of
success or happiness, and recent foci of mindfulness and other things having a
kind of Buddhist bent. To me the telic-atelic distinction seems useful if for
no other reason than to provide an additional historical and philosophical
context to something gaining in the public consciousness. The atelic ideal
seems similar to the mindfulness goals, but framed differently, in terms of
types of rewards.

For me, although useful, I'm not sure this explains all of the midlife crisis.
Maybe a big chunk, but for me personally at least I'd say more of it is about
feeling like I took a wrong turn with certain choices, and feeling like
there's no way to get out of it due to the limits of lifespan and
sociocultural failings (e.g., stereotypes about age, gender, and profession,
and ability to change, etc.). For me it's been less about asking "is this all
there is?" and more like feeling like I've come to the conclusion that my
vocation is a fraud, or that I'm not a good fit, and that humans in general
are far more flawed and darker than I realized. There were similar feelings
about other things in my early adulthood, but I always felt I could change my
life, improve things, and move to something else; the difference is now, I
feel like the change is more substantial due to the costs and investments
involved, and I feel like societal stereotypes and failings make it harder.
There's also the limitations of lifespan which are very real and make things
difficult.

I feel profoundly disappointed in life and people, in the sense of being
wronged, not in the sense of being bored. I don't want to feel this way, but
am not sure how to get out of it.

~~~
n0tme
I also feel like I made some wrong turns in my life and turn in the right
direction is almost impossible now: career- and, what is the saddest part,
family-wise. It just feels like it's too late for everything to get back on
track. Damn. I'll be 35 in a couple of months :(

~~~
b10t
There was a story on NPR a while back about a guy that became an oncologist at
50. Major career change from where he was in life.

Any time I feel on the wrong track, thinking of this guy makes my course
corrections seem more doable.

------
dmix
Years ago I accidentally came across a really good book that explores
Schopenhauer's fascinating worldview through the lens of psychiatry and
personal development, called "The Schopenhauer Cure", which got me hooked on
Schopenhauer (and a lesser extent Nietzsche):
[https://www.amazon.com/Schopenhauer-Cure-Novel-Irvin-
Yalom/d...](https://www.amazon.com/Schopenhauer-Cure-Novel-Irvin-
Yalom/dp/0060938102/)

I highly recommend it to people who would consider themselves on the
logical/intelligent end of the spectrum and who tend to pursue their work,
accomplishments, and gaining knowledge above all else in life.

It's also a great soft introduction to his work, without having to read dense
19th century philosophy.

One of the most useful lessons I learn from Schopenhauer was to look beyond
structuring your life around trying to be "happy" and avoiding being "sad",
and instead seek some deeper meaning beyond some fleeting emotional chemical
reactions in your brain. It makes me laugh now when

I now laugh when I hear people say "money doesn't make you happy", not so much
for the money part, but the fallacy of using an emotion like "being happy" as
the measure for a quality life.

~~~
ebbv
> I now laugh when I hear people say "money doesn't make you happy", not so
> much for the money part, but the fallacy of using an emotion like "being
> happy" as the measure for a quality life.

Oh come on. You know what they mean, you're being deliberately obtuse in order
to characterize someone else as ignorant. Which only reflects badly on you.

That old cliche may be trite and simplistic, but it's making a simple point
that sometimes needs to be made; money won't solve all of your problems.

Of course it does solve a lot of really bad problems, so it's also a bit of a
myopic view.

~~~
dmix
> you're being deliberately obtuse in order to characterize someone else as
> ignorant

That was merely one example of the phenomenon of our culture being obsessed
with 'happiness' as the measure of success. There are countless other examples
I could have used which doesn't require reading into someone's 'real meaning'
when using a cliche. The general point still stands, 'happy' is still
frequently used interchangably with 'a good life' in our culture.

I can't count the amount of times I've heard people negatively judge other
successful people's lives because they seemed dour or aren't walking around
laughing/smiling all the time or some other surface level measures. That to me
is what is arrogant.

Nor because I laugh (in my head) when I come across people chasing temporary
emotional highs or measuring the quality of other's lives based on that
doesn't mean I'm belittling them or looking down upon them because they
haven't made the same realizations or made similar
psychological/philosophical/personal investments in their own life. I spent a
big portion of my life doing the same, doesn't make me better.

~~~
DenisM
Your position is close to Seneca’s stoicism. There are some books on that I
don’t have handy. Thought you might want to know this.

------
gilbetron
My wife loves finishing a picture puzzle, the sense of accomplishment at
creating order out of chaos helps her relax. I can't stand them, they are dull
and repetitive and in the end you just have the same picture that was already
on the box. A decade ago, I built a simple set of wooden stairs to replace the
existing, poorly built concrete set. To this day I get a little burst of joy
when I use them. People are different and get satisfaction from different
goals, that's pretty obvious to most people. However, it can be difficult to
find out what you actually gives you joy. Some of the people I know struggling
with midlife issues went through life believing some great goal would be worth
it, but once achieved, the found it lacking. It would be like if I spent 20
years building a great picture puzzle. I'd be having a major crisis when it
was done. Academia is a big offender because you can't know if you'll be
satisfied until you get there, and getting there takes a decade or two.

Furthermore, what you get satisfaction from can change. Build a bunch of
puzzles or stairs, and you may find it dull and unrewarding. I don't find
actual coding as rewarding as it used to be, but I find design and problem
solving much more interesting.

I think the young and old part is misleading. People can get in such a malaise
at any time. The key is finding the trick and techniques to get out of it, or
even better, avoiding it in the first place.

~~~
icc97
Being a craftsman is one of those never ending goals. You can always perfect
them, or teach them to your kids.

------
allsunny
I've got this bad, I am (or at least was) the stereotypical high achiever. I
even have a sports car in the garage (don't do that, btw :).

I've decided to slow down and focus on my family and myself, in pursuits that
have no real reward except the enjoyment of the experience itself. "Being
present", they say.

Ultimately, I'm planning on getting out of the Bay Area to find something with
less stress. I had a good run but the constant battle to climb higher just
seems so silly now; I finally recognized the pattern of not having any real
lasting happiness upon hitting some big achievement (the raise, the promotion,
the qualification, whatever).

My new modus operandi: Work to ensure there is money in the bank so I can
retire as I'd like to, and then focus on family, friends, myself.

~~~
telesilla
hey, don't forget to enjoy each day as it comes. loss can come at any time.
focus on your family, friends and yourself THEN work. you can get everything
you need done OK.

------
dchess
As a programmer approaching mid-life, I haven't found myself succumbing to
this crisis. I wonder if that is largely due to the fact that gaining and
maintaining expertise in programming is much more akin to these atelic
activities he discusses. You can never really be done improving your skills.

Projects come and go, but the buzz and hum of the new is constant and
unreachable. For an autodidact like me, the thrill of learning something new
is also a process I enjoy.

------
ebbv
You have to enjoy the process of whatever it is you're doing. If your
enjoyment relies totally on goals, that's how you end up in the situation
Schopenhauer believed we are trapped in.

Goals are good but you have to enjoy the journey. This is no big mystery. But
it's something a lot of people overlook because choosing a goal is how you get
started on a journey.

~~~
iamcasen
True, and I think ultimately it is merely a fault in our thinking. Many people
think "I'm going to suffer through this process because the end goal is worth
it."

Where they are wrong is equating a process that does not necessarily bring
pure pleasure and joy with "suffering."

You must be able to change your state of mind to see that there is no concept
of pleasure without pain, there is no warmth without cold, and there is no joy
without sadness. When we are sad, we should embrace it and revel in it as a
natural part of life.

------
tremendulo
_> then the solution is to invest more fully in the process, giving meaning to
your life through activities that have no terminal point_

There has to be a potential endpoint or else there's no meaning. Pick a _hard
problem_ which you find intensely meaningful and take small steps each day
towards solving it.

As Karl Popper put it:

 _' I think there is only one way to do science – or to do philosophy for that
matter; to meet a problem, to see its beauty and fall in love with it; to get
married to it, and to live with it happily, till death do ye part - unless you
should meet another and even more fascinating problem, or unless indeed you
should obtain a solution. But even if you do obtain a solution you may then
discover to your delight, the existence of a whole family of enchanting though
perhaps difficult problem children for whose welfare you may work, with a
purpose to the end of your days'_

~~~
strlen
Popper was a fan of Schopenhauer - while he rejected Schopenhauer's
metaphysics of the Will, he positively quotes Schopenhauer in Open Society and
its Enemies (especially in regards to Hegel). There's also evidence that
Popper's interpretation of Kant is through Schopenhauer: the Principle of
Sufficient Reason, the first book of World as Will and Representation, and the
appendix to the first volume also function as a good emendation of and
commentary upon on Kant's Critique of Pure Reason and Prolegomena.

------
jinfiesto
I've gotten to a point where to me "results-oriented" is a four letter word.
It's just a bad way to go about your life. Both for your sanity, and because
it's more often than not just a wrong-headed way of thinking.

~~~
ycombinete
I often have to remind myself that life is a series of processes interspersed
with end-points, if you don't enjoy the process of getting to those endpoints
you'll basically live in a series of panics.

------
dpweb
Many middle aged people are giving their entire lives to the generations older
and younger. That general happiness curve over a lifetime seems to correspond
with the level of responsibilities one has.

But I suspect also that we are very much more programmed as far as our values
and goals than we realize, and middle age as a natural point in life where
depression sets in, a subconcious rebellion/angst against a life we are living
that is fradulent not in tune with our true selves.

~~~
arca_vorago
>a natural point in life where depression sets in, a subconcious
rebellion/angst against a life we are living that is fradulent not in tune
with our true selves.

This is interesting because I feel like after the war I came back a middle
aged man at 24 due to this feeling. I went through the motions in my
professional career, but it all seemed so empty compared to what I used to
do... so I spent the last ten years or so of my free time my career supported
trying to study geopolitical and geostrategic issues because I found meaning
in trying to understand why things are/were so damn fucked up, so perhaps as a
problem solver I could fix some of them. (I have what are probably ridiculous
aspirations of a presidential run someday.)

So I was living a half fraudulent life in order to live a half self-true life,
and the tension between the two was palpable.

Near death (and near life) experiences really have a way of breaking that
societal programming fast though. It's like when I went through what I call my
Descartes reset. I took the red pill with the concious decision that I wanted
to know the truth no matter how ugly it is... but that doesn't negate much of
just how much impact the ugliness of truth can have on a person. Many people
seem to have a subconcious awareness that they would prefer the beautiful lie
due to that, but for some reason middle age tends to be the point in which
those two forces butt heads, and sometimes people change course at that point.

That's why I used to joke I was getting my midlife crisis out of the way
early. The joke was on me though, ten years later I still struggle with that
dichotomy. I'll finally be 35 in 2020, so do I pursue the grand purpose path
and just try my hand at a run for POTUS despite my trepidations or do I focus
on establishing a more down to earth life and focus on just living it while I
can!? I don't know yet, but I do know that at some point soon I will have to
make that decision and follow through with it.

The real point is that I think we should self-analyze enough to make these
decisions conciously before the uglier side-effects of dealing with them
subconciously rear their heads in often desctructive ways, such as a midlife
crisis.

------
hprotagonist
At least one answer to the conundrum of "not getting what you want is
suffering; getting what you want is, too" that Schopenhauer identifies is
serendipity.

life/the universe/fate/god/chance/whatever will cause positives (and
negatives) in your life that you didn't actively want. Since you never sought
them out, not having them wasn't suffering. Now that you have them, appreciate
them!

------
randomstring
Another book recommendation:

How Schopenhauer Got Me Through My Mid-Life Crisis by Charles Alonso
[https://www.amazon.com/How-Schopenhauer-Through-Mid-Life-
Cri...](https://www.amazon.com/How-Schopenhauer-Through-Mid-Life-Crisis-
ebook/dp/B00QXNB5PC/)

It's fiction, funny, philosophical, about middle age and a quick read.

------
el_cid
I think an adult extracts joy from other sources, which kids (or undeveloped
adults) can't appreciate yet. The kid shakes the sign because for him it's a
novelty, a new experience. He is curious about the world and discovers it
through little 'experiments'.

But adults do the same, they learn new things, they have hobbies, visit new
places, try out new foods, learn new languages, work on personal projects...

------
hawktheslayer
While even Scott Adams will tell you to never take life advice from a
cartoonist, his post on the meaning of life is a slightly different take then
the one in the article and I find it inspiring.

In a nutshell, we need to give more to others as we age.

[http://blog.dilbert.com/2014/11/18/a-life-well-
lived/](http://blog.dilbert.com/2014/11/18/a-life-well-lived/)

------
pithic
>the solution is to invest more fully in the process, giving meaning to your
life through activities that have no terminal point

Are there such activities? Even the more process-oriented ones, lacking final
conclusions, have terminal milestones. The juggler will eventually master 4
balls; the violinist Paganini, etc.

~~~
pretty_dumm_guy
Activities like preparing food for the homeless, tutoring poor kids etc.,
seems not to have terminal milestones to me. Please do correct me if I am
wrong

------
abusoufiyan
Philosophers have had a lot to say about middle age!

 _European_ philosophers may not have, but the works of Confucius etc are
almost entirely all revolving around middle aged men.

------
colordrops
tldr: it's about the journey, not the destination.

~~~
sevensor
Which perhaps explains the purchase of a Corvette?

~~~
kruhft
No, you can just finally afford one during Middle Age.

Big suprise. Unlike the rich kids when you were young.

------
albertTJames
ok, so live in the present. thanks.

