

Why I Feel Like a Fraud - larrykubin
http://blog.asmartbear.com/self-doubt-fraud.html

======
RyanMcGreal
Competent people worry that they might not be competent. To a large extent,
that constant critical self-appraisal is what _makes_ them competent.

In contrast, incompetent people regularly believe they're doing a great job.

~~~
smartbear
Well said -- that's a terrific summary of my post.

~~~
aaronblohowiak
This is well-documented in the literature under the name Dunning-Kruger
Effect. It is different from Imposter Syndrome in that the latter implies
pathology. You can learn more about research into self-appraisal and skill
here: <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect>

~~~
bilch
Note, however, that there's newer evidence that says it's not just incompetent
people that overestimate their own abilities, but "Kruger and Dunning’s main
data is better explained by positing simply that we all have noisy estimates
of our ability and of task difficulty."
<http://www.overcomingbias.com/2008/11/all-are-unaware.html>

------
noonespecial
Once some of my hard earned knowledge has internalized, I often feel like its
just a collection of parlor tricks and sleight of hand. If other people took a
moment to think about it, they'd see through what I'd done and exclaim "That's
easy! He just XXX".

Sometimes it makes it hard to contribute back to the community, even though
that same community makes my employment possible, because I fear that once
they learn my tricks, the magic will be gone and I'll be seen as someone who
merely pulled a fast one.

I've decided that this will be the year that I really work on some
introspection and posting some of that knowledge. It will either help me get
over my fear, or prove that I didn't know that much after all. At least I'll
know.

~~~
smartbear
Remember: When the magician shows you how the trick is done, you still go back
to that magician for the next trick. The magician is still the expert.

~~~
gridspy
If you know one more trick than everyone else, the best strategy is often to
explain all the common tricks to the general public...

Then you are the only magician in town with real magic.

------
grellas
Having self-doubts is a wonderful spur to growth and improvement and, indeed,
the worst performers in my experience tend to be those who believe they have
already "arrived" and who therefore have a tendency to coast and stagnate
while the best are those who always see a need to strive to "fill holes" in
their repertoire. At some point, one gains authentic self-confidence based on
a record of achievement but even then the need to continually examine one's
weaknesses is critical to sustained growth.

~~~
sonofjanoh
But there is the fear of failure because of your insights which could stop you
from succeeding. Some can't overcome the fear to face the consumers with an
imperfect product/service even when it is more than perfect from the
consumers' point.

Many great things never got to see the light because of this I would imagine.

------
vaksel
oh yeah this def sounds familiar:

    
    
        * You dismiss complements, awards, and positive reinforcement as "no big deal."

\- just reached 35K visitors after 2 months, down to top 100K in Alexa. Page
Rank of 5. Meh...why isn't it a million? Why isn't it top 10,000? Why isn't is
Page Rank 7?

    
    
        * You are crushed by mild, constructive criticism.

-Well I wouldn't say crushed, but it does affect me more than it should. i.e. I've had like 6 complaints about the design. After like 50,000 people saw the site since it launched. Yet it already made me start working on a redesign.
    
    
        * You believe you're not as smart/talented/capable as other people think you are.

-oh yeah, I feel like other people on HN can code stuff in their sleep, while all I do is hack things together in firebug.
    
    
        * You worry others will discover you're not as smart/talented/capable as they think you are.

-oh yeah, it just feels too easy, like I'm not doing any actual work.
    
    
        * You think other people with similar jobs are more "adult" than you are, and they "have their shit together" while you flounder around.

-oh yeah, I feel that while I spend my time "hacking" things together, others are on the phone getting coverage from CNN. That in the same period others would have created 500x more features.
    
    
        * You feel your successes are due more to luck than ability; with your failures it's the other way around.

-definitely, if I fail it's like I wasn't trying hard enough. If I win, it's just the luck of the draw,
    
    
        * You find it difficult to take credit for your accomplishments.

-Well this one not really. I don't mind taking credit. But in the back of my mind, I feel like the credit is due to luck, rather than any special work on my part. It's like anyone could hit the same #s if they tried.
    
    
        * You feel that you're the living embodiment of "fake it until you make it."

-that's actually my motto.

~~~
tpyo
Can you please, um, reformat your comment.

Two newlines in the textbox makes a line in the actual comment.

Edit: It was fixed by the time I submitted this.

~~~
mahmud
scroll-bar equalizer :-)

------
DTrejo
The section below reminded me very much of the book called _Learned Optimism_
(someone on HN recommended the book and I found it very interesting). It's all
about how you explain your successes and failures, and how positive
explanations enable you to continue on and do well. On the other hand,
negative explanations are discouraging and make you more likely to give up.

From the article:

* You dismiss complements, awards, and positive reinforcement as "no big deal."

* You are crushed by mild, constructive criticism.

* You believe you're not as smart/talented/capable as other people think you are.

* You worry others will discover you're not as smart/talented/capable as they think you are.

* You think other people with similar jobs are more "adult" than you are, and they "have their shit together" while you flounder around.

* You feel your successes are due more to luck than ability; with your failures it's the other way around.

------
jswinghammer
This was excellent. This is a tough thing to talk about if this is an issue
for you. It's funny how these feelings come up when you're in a prominent role
in a company-founder or not. I struggled with this for years and still do to
some degree. I remember being in a meeting at my last job and being completely
shocked after being told by several employees that they slept better at night
because they knew I would take care of any problems that came up with the
product and gave them the support they needed to keep our customers happy. I
walked out thinking they must have been abused by very bad programmers in
their past or something.

I've always tended to respond to these feelings well and just get up every day
and trying to do my best. Getting praise from people is still very strange and
I'm not so sure I like it.

------
jsankey
It helps to think of how poorly "real" companies perform. I mean, which
software vendor ships bug free products? It's a fantasy: and the difference is
that startups (that care) can turn around fixes in the blink of an eye. This
leads into the greater area of support: so many large corporations treat their
customers like rubbish. If you treat your customers with a baseline level of
decency, they'll be happy. The bar has been set so low that if you really care
about support your customers will love you!

Honestly, the "professionalism" of large corps is nothing to aspire to.

------
edw519
Why I do not feel like a fraud

I share many of OP's sentiments, but not his conclusion.

Sure, there were many times when something I did seemed "too easy". So many
times I'd listen to the user, understand their problem, and help them solve it
with software. No big deal. Many of us have been doing that for years. Then
the user would say, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" "You're so much better
than anyone else we've tried," or "This software is incredible! You should
take it to market."

Or when I got compliments I didn't think I deserved. People called me "the
smartest programmer I ever met," "brilliant," or "head and shoulders above the
rest", and I _knew_ it wasn't true, but accepted their praise anyway. And
believe me, I'm not bragging, I'm just sharing experiences that many of you
probably had too. Others thought we were geniuses and we thought that we were
just doing our jobs.

So why don't I feel like a fraud? Because I paid my dues. I may not the
smartest or most gifted guy, and I'm certainly no genius, but I know I did the
hard work.

While others were partying, I was debugging til 2 in the morning. While others
were at lunch, I was eating a sandwich at my desk trying to find a better way
to do something. While others promoted "good enough" software, I dug down 5
more levels to overcome the tradeoff. And while others accepted the status
quo, I wrote my own framework to provide software that was in a different
class from theirs.

I bet many of you share the same experience. Sure, we have been given gifts
that many others never got, but those gifts only took us so far. We had to
learn how to use those gifts. The real successes came from hard work. The kind
of hard work that many people I know never do.

So if someone "overpraises" me, that's OK. I know I don't deserve it, but I
accept it anyway. Kinda makes up for all those hours when I was slaving away
and no one said anything at all.

~~~
swombat
_but I doubt that anyone works harder than me_

Seems like a pretty bold statement to make on a forum full of workaholic
entrepreneurs.

~~~
edw519
Fair enough. Modified to "I know I did the hard work".

------
alan-crowe
Collide this story with Clay Shirky's piece, on hacker news two days ago:
<http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1056689>

What flies out of the wreckage is the idea that it is not really about, in
Clay Shirky's words, "Not enough women are arrogant self-aggrandizing jerks."
The issue is actually how to triumph over imposter syndrome. Men are doing it
by "cheating" and claiming to be able to do things that they actually can do
even thought they think they cannot and are merely imposters. Women are
failing to triumph over imposter syndrome.

~~~
Mz
There may be some truth to that, but I think it is more complicated than that.

In the US, women who are childless and unmarried make about 98% as much as men
with similar education and experience. Women who are married and/or have kids
make, on average, about 2/3 what men make which means men make about 50% more
than women make. About 90% of women have kids, sooner or later. Those who
don't, are likely to adopt. When a man moves, it is usually because he got a
job elsewhere. When a woman moves, it is often to follow her spouse or
boyfriend to his new job. This means when a given couple move, he is probably
taking a step up in his career and she is very likely taking a step down.
Given that women are much more likely than men to stay home with the kids for
a time or otherwise take time off from work to attend to the children, for
most women it makes sense to favor supporting his career goals over hers.

Additionally, most jobs and education are geared towards a schedule that works
well for your typical white american male with his own car and with a woman
attending to details like grocery shopping so he can focus on his
job/education. This hurts not only women but minorities who have fewer
resources and/or a different lifestyle/different values and cannot readily
conform to such expectations. Benefits also tend to line up with the
expectation that you can work full time for a number of years at it. So a
woman who works part-time (even 30 hours a week) at the same company for 20
years will have nowhere near the resources that someone working full-time
would have. She is not likely to get tenure, she may not qualify at all for
many of the benefits programs, etc.

Additionally, studies show that male traits, like being tall or having a deep
voice, are generally viewed as "authoritative". This can be an insurmountable
obstacle. For example, high heels may make a woman appear taller but they are
not generally associated with being in charge. They are more likely to be
interpreted as "sexy" rather than "authoritative".

My personal experience has been that behavior which is viewed as normal and
acceptable in men is often interpreted as extremely aggressive in a woman and
is socially censured. The fact that I tend to sit up front in classes or large
meetings often gets noticed by other people and seems to be viewed as
"aggressive". The truth is, I do so for reasons like: I don't see that well
and I have some hearing problems. Other people don't necessarily know that and
seem to assume I'm some brass balls bitch....or some such. Even if they did
know it, I don't know that it would be viewed as more acceptable. The last
week of GIS school, I realized that most women consistently sat in the back
two rows of class. Given the amount of negative attention I get for doing
"aggressive" things like sitting up front, I really can't blame other women
for avoiding such behaviors. <shrug>

~~~
alan-crowe
I thought that the Clay Shirky piece had two flaws. First the examples were
mostly about people getting a key break by pretending to have a higher level
of skill than they actually possessed. His headline grabbing phrase went far
beyond the actual insight in the piece. Second the insight lacked
plausibility. If you claim skills that you lack, you get caught.

This second flaw required amplification. There is a huge issue with creeping
credentialism. This includes asking for skills that are not infact required.
Naturally people lie about possessing _these_ skills and escape detection
because the question was bogus to begin with. However Shirky's article focused
on examples where the skill was actually required and assessed. So there is a
problem.

I respect Shirky so a question got lodged in my mind. He has seen and written
about something real, but what? Two days later: a post on Hacker News about
imposter syndrome. Now it makes more sense. You can draw but feel like a
fraud, so when asked if you can draw, you say _no_. Then you are asked "how's
your drafting?" It is good enough, but again you feel like an imposter and
answer _no_. That is how opportunities are missed.

My badly written toplevel comment was intended to focus very narrowly on this
area of intersection between the imposter piece and the Shirky piece.

~~~
Mz
No sweat. I've just read a lot about women's issues over the years and I think
it very often gets short shrift. Even if women are 'more arrogant and self
aggrandizing' or 'better at overcoming impostor syndrome'...or whatever the
issue is here... That whole baby-bearing thing tends to trip them up. I've
been close to some women who didn't initially have any particular plans to
settle down and have kids and were all too happy to pursue life in a man's
world on the terms offered. They did very well -- until they had a baby. Then
it all came crashing down and they wound up enormously frustrated with their
lives and bewildered at their inability to escape the fate of so many women
that they thought for a time they had already escaped.

In contrast, European women have generally faired better than American women.
Historically, they didn't fight for "rights". Instead, they worked for support
and assistance for the burden of bearing and raising their kids. Getting that
has allowed women in some European countries to close the wage gap to some
extent and to do a better job of balancing career and family. They also
generally have more family support and lower divorce rates. The typical
historical American attitude of "Don't tread on me" (and the general F... You
attitude that goes with it) works okay until you have a baby and then _need_
community support of some sort. Then bitchy positions about not needing a man
(or anyone else) suddenly don't work so well.

Um, I'll just stop here. Consider it a pet topic of mine. Okay? :)

------
Mz
This feeling is extremely common with very intelligent/competent people. I
think one reason is that it is difficult to find a valid basis of comparison.
If something comes a great deal more easily to you than to most other people,
you won't have to "work" at it the same way they do. Most of society measures
a lot of things based on the time and effort you put into it. If you simply
have a better idea/better understanding of something, that's not a valid
measure. You may still work at it -- you may work very long hours in fact --
but if you are getting results that far exceed what others are doing, it can
be hard to quantify how and why that is happening.

I think very smart people also get a lot of hostility from other people out of
jealousy or out of feeling threatened, which I think is part of why some
people seem "very sensitive" to criticism. And then if it is normal for you to
accomplish things at a certain level, "praise" often rings kind of hollow. For
some things, it is a little like if your spouse made a big deal every single
day about "Gee, golly whiz, you drove home from work without getting into a
deadly car wreck!! I'm so proud of you!! You are just so amazing!!" You might
think something like "Um, yeah, I do that everyday. Shut up and get off my
back you whacko."

The antidote to this feeling is finding a solid basis for comparison that
makes sense to you, that is rooted in facts and not in social BS that can be
biased either by being excessively impressed _or_ hostility/jealousy.
Sometimes people who know you well can give meaningful feedback, both in terms
of constructive criticism and in terms of telling you 'Yea, verily, you did
good -- most people can't do that' without it feeling like it just rings
hollow. But most folks who are only acquaintances will not be a good source of
meaningful, useful feedback for this issue.

------
jayliew
Wow, quite relieved that I am not alone!

:D Thanks for sharing this.

------
thinkbohemian
Fake it till you make it!

~~~
thinkbohemian
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fake_it_till_you_make_it>

~~~
thinkbohemian
[http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/steven_tyler.htm...](http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/steven_tyler.html)

Its a valid quote, a very valid concept, and it is this article described in
one sentence. If its good enough for recovering alcoholics to get back on
their feet, and good enough for one of the greatest rock musicians of our
lifetime, it's certainly good enough to be my own personal motto when diving
into anything for the first time.

------
Arun2009
Possibly related: Impostor Syndrome

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome>

~~~
smartbear
It's not "possibly related," it's explicitly stated in the article, including
this very link to Wikipedia.

