
Ask HN: What resources did you use to get better at listening as a skill? - exotree
I struggle to actively listen. Need to change that for future career development. Anyone else struggled with the same issue, and if so, what helped you?
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ddingus
I did a few things:

One was spending some time with the performing arts. That one was just a good,
lucky younger self decision. Performing arts can reduce inhibition as it can
also increase self-confidence. I had that one baked in, but it's never too
late! You could always join a club or group that performs together. It's a lot
of fun, and listening / understanding your peers is built right in.

Later on, I ended up doing some sales. Good sales people listen. They want to
know where the pain really is and how much it hurts. Or, they want to know
where they can really improve things for people, even when those people are
fat and happy otherwise. On this topic, good sales people also want to know
they can't help others. Qualification is worth way more than people give it
credit for, and it's value comes from being able to put more of your time and
resources into more viable deals.

Watch them work. Then, when the work is done, talk back through that
conversation. Ask them why and how type questions.

Obviously, listen to what they have to say.

The other thing I did was very seriously question why I didn't listen. Mostly,
that boiled down to my belief I understood more than I actually did, and or
marginalizing something the other person really does consider important.

Listening is a work with kind of skill, not so much a work for kind of skill.

Why bother? (these may help you)

We do it to understand one another better and that understanding usually plays
out as bigger deals, better features, improved quality of scope on projects.
All of this means better revenue, lower risk. Or, more relaxed work
environment, less tension / conflict.

Technical people, who can listen, who have some people / "soft" skills
typically earn more than those who do not. There is a nice, pretty incentive
here for you. Worth it.

We all get older, and we all attend the school of hard knocks. When the bell
rings, we usually feel the pain. Listening can avoid much of that. Your older
peers / mentors have graduated and are highly likely to share what they know.

You want that experience. Maybe not right now, but you will eventually want
it. Listening to others is probably the single most important thing you can do
in order to get at those insights before you too have to attend the school,
hear the bell ring and experience the pain.

That's all I got.

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Regardsyjc
I recently read this HBR article on listening and I found it very insightful.
The article talks about how conventional business management listening advice
may not be the best and suggests what great listeners actually do.

[https://hbr.org/2016/07/what-great-listeners-actually-
do](https://hbr.org/2016/07/what-great-listeners-actually-do)

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Kamelfossingen
I learned sales. Probably one of the most useful skillsets I've ever learned
and something that has opened a lot of doors for me.

~~~
xcubic
How did you start to learn sales?

~~~
Kamelfossingen
I started out in B2B sales by learning the SPIN model from scratch. A few
thousands of calls later it kind of clicked.

Sales is something you really have to practice by making those sales calls and
expect to fail a lot until you eventually get it.

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sethammons
What have you done so far to improve your active listening? What do you feel
is limiting your ability to actively listen? (And we should also make sure we
have a shared definition of active listening :))

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guilhas
Reading a book with someone. One chapter each, you read out loud, then you
listen.

