
Ask HN: Where does an alcoholic with dementia and felonies find housing? - ta21391
My friend is 30 years old. Her father has no family that will take him in. He&#x27;s on social security disability and that $700&#x2F;month isn&#x27;t enough for him to live on his own, not to mention he can&#x27;t even remember what he had for breakfast. And he&#x27;s been denied for low-income&#x2F;subsidized housing because of his past criminal record.<p>Now she feels obligated to give up her ambitions and move somewhere where she can afford to have him live with her because otherwise, he&#x27;ll end up living on the streets.<p>Her mom passed away from an overdose when she was only 25, and her brother was only 18. Her brother didn&#x27;t graduate high school.<p>Despite this, she graduated from college, went on to obtain her master&#x27;s degree. She is passionate about educating kids coming from poverty and has the technical abilities to scale her impact.<p>Now I&#x27;m afraid she&#x27;ll give up her bright future and opportunity to help many more people because of her compassion for her father.<p>She feels alone. At 30, many of our peers still require the support of their parents, not the other way around.<p>What resources are available for her? Who can she talk to about this?
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sjg007
Department of Health and Human Services via the local county and/or the state
should be able to provide a social worker (if they haven't already) to get him
into the system. If they live in a larger city there should be some resources
there as well. He will auto qualify for disability from the State and County
since he is disabled per the Feds. His doctor and/or hospital should be able
to provide a social worker as well and point them in a direction to find help.

That should open up money, assistance and housing. There may be a wait list
but he should be able to get into assisted living or some sort of supervised
independent living. Some states and counties are better than others.

Her best bet is to find a social worker who can help. Start with the county
and the state. Does she have power of attorney and is she his legal guardian?
These are some things to think about. If not, the state can become the legal
guardian etc... and then she doesn't have to worry so much about him. All of
the "senior" housing have subsidized rooms. They may take all of his social
security but he will get a room and food.

As for which States are better than others, I don't know.

As for the felonies, I would consult a lawyer, legal aid or the district
attorney to see if they can be mitigated for the purposes of public
assistance. There may be some programs that, if you prove, no longer a danger,
rehabilitated etc.. will help you, especially considering his disability.

Check out:

[https://eldercare.acl.gov/Public/Index.aspx](https://eldercare.acl.gov/Public/Index.aspx)

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dionidium
> _Department of Health and Human Services via the local county and /or the
> state should be able to provide a social worker (if they haven't already) to
> get him into the system._

This is good advice, but (speaking to OP here) having gone through this with a
family member, I'd council your friend to understand that nobody has the
interests of their family member in mind like they do.

To get a good outcome she'll need to be pushing the ball forward at every
step. Don't wait for the social worker to do anything and don't accept their
initial results or recommendations as final. There is a wide range in quality
of institutions, even for patients requesting a Medicaid bed (perhaps
_especially_ for such people). My family member's first stop was a nightmare.
She's in a much better facility now (a change that simply would not have
happened without my outside influence).

Call places yourself, speak to local doctors, if you can. Call home health
services that accept Medicaid and ask if they can give you advice. Cold call
nursing homes and ask if they have Medicaid beds. These are all things I did
and they all mattered in the end. Push, push, push.

~~~
sjg007
I agree... so much of this requires persistence. You have to become an expert
in the system. Sometimes you can find an or otherwise hire an advocate as
well.

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brudgers
(US based)

It sucks but dementia tends to equate to living in a nursing home. Not always
of course, but often because the level of care is high and the prognosis for
many forms of dementia is the grimness of progressive severity. Hence, the
present tends to be as good as it is going to be. And absent other morbidity
the future is likely to be long.

It’s a hard decision that sucks.

Even a person who is committed to avoiding nursing home placement is best
served by looking into power of attorney and getting on waiting lists right
now. The likely alternative is discovering how long waiting lists for better
dementia facilities are and what is required legally to act on another adult’s
behalf later. The typical later being in the midst of legal/social/medical
crisis.

For most people there are only better and worse. There’s no good even in the
best likely case. Again, it sucks.

Finally, without power of attorney or permission of the patient healthcare
providers can’t discuss medical records with anyone, even next of kin.

Good luck

(Edit: none of these change whether your friend is in Michigan or Florida. The
difference between locations is providing direct physical assistance and
proximity. These are not nothing. They don’t make a difference in terms of
legal hurdles or public, and private resources.)

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Kaibeezy
Guessing from time of post and “social security” this is US west coast.
California appears to be one of the most supportive states re criminal
records, with programs and favorable rules.

At this moment of working from home, consider a temporary housing situation in
a less expensive part of the Central Valley, connect him up with services, get
him settled in. Then, when things open up again, your friend could consider
opportunities on the coast and still be close enough to help her father if
needed.

There are many non-profits involved with housing, some specializing in
disabilities (dementia should qualify), and able to provide info and
referrals. They can guide you through and into government programs. It’s
definitely a time of crisis, and they will be overwhelmed right now, but be
patient and they can and will be able to help.

Compassion feels right. You have to be able to look at yourself in a mirror.
But you shouldn’t have to give up your dreams either. The middle path is hard,
it can drag you down, but it can also give you strength and ideas.

TLDR: Take interim steps, seek assistance, look for a path.

~~~
ta21391
Thanks for the advice! He's currently in Michigan and she's in Florida.

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JCoder58
She should contact the Michigan Adult Protective Services:
[https://www.michigan.gov/mdhhs/0,5885,7-339-73971_7119_50647...](https://www.michigan.gov/mdhhs/0,5885,7-339-73971_7119_50647---,00.html)

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Spooky23
What state?

