

Okay, Feminism, It’s Time We Had a Talk About Empathy - lawnchair_larry
https://medium.com/dear-blank/bd6321c66b37

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vannevar
It probably wasn't the intended effect, but this article leaves the impression
that the author doesn't mind being demeaned by men---when they dismiss her
ideas because she's a woman, she just laughs it off---but very much minds
being criticized by women for not complaining about it. I understand the
motivation: if you're a woman in tech just trying to do cool stuff, it's got
to be a little irritating to always be expected to be some kind of role model
and activist. But it seems inconsistent to say "how comfortable I’ve always
felt and still feel in the tech community" and then reel off a series of
incidents where you experienced sexism, including the attempted rape of a
friend at a conference.

~~~
mcv
She doesn't deny that she was discriminated. She just didn't notice at first,
because it happened on a closed mailing list. And by the time she discovered
it, she's already proven the bigot wrong.

She's absolutely fortunate to be in that position, compared to other women who
get more publicly demeaned, and don't get the opportunity to prove the bigots
wrong. But it's also important that her story gets told, and that she doesn't
get labeled as "the problem" simply because her experience is more positive
than that of others.

We need more women with positive experiences in tech. Denying the positive
creates the impression that it's hopeless, and there's nothing good regarding
equality in the tech world. The good examples exist, and we should see them as
beacons, rather than deny their existence. In the end, I hope more women get
to experience tech like she did, and more misogynists get their comeuppance.

~~~
vannevar
I agree, and certainly have no intention to deny the positive. It's just that
the author's experience, as she relates it, doesn't sound unusually positive.
It sounds typical. What seems unusual is her tolerance for negative
experiences. And I can see how her female peers might interpret her attitude
as "Hey, suck it up, I did." I'm not sure that _their_ empathy is the problem.

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aclevernickname
no surprise this post wasn't popular; it goes against the narrative.

I enjoyed it, FWIW.

