
Ask HN: Has your social live taken a downward trend since you started coding - smithmayowa
It seems i am starting to get socially stunted, I tend to forget basic social cues required to really get conversations going with people, and I generally seem to prefer staying indoors nowadays, its not really bad yet though but I am beginning to worry, have you gotten worse socially so far since you started coding.
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davismwfl
This isn't just something developers/engineers go through many office workers
suffer from this same issue when there job has fuzzy endings, e.g. Marketing,
Business Development etc.

So you aren't alone, I think most everyone goes through some form of work
based isolation essentially if they do knowledge work (or have fuzzy endings).
The key is to have a few activities you do outside of work that are scheduled
and you enjoy. This forces you to do two things, one cut off work, and two
interact with other humans doing something non-work focused. For me, I have
found coaching youth sports is a great outlet that checks a lot of the boxes,
e.g. people interaction, not work related and something I enjoy myself which
forces me to be active too. I also love the water, just put me on or in water
(pool, ocean, boat etc) and I can nearly instantly relax and enjoy myself.

Being outside is healthy, you need a "healthy" amount of sun time as our
bodies use it for more than just Vitamin D, just don't cook yourself that
doesn't do anyone good. I can seriously tell a difference in my mood and
behavior even after just a week if I have been inside too much or we have non-
stop rain where I don't get any sun.

* edit a couple of words

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muzani
Having done management, entrepreneurship and sales, I think coding has the
best social life.

Entrepreneurship - it's literally part of your job to 'network'. But a lot of
the people you meet are there to get something from others. It's vapid
socializing, sort of like getting full with junk food or catching sleep at the
back of a car.

Management is similar. You meet people as work. It makes meeting people not
very fun especially when there's arguments and uncomfortable conversations.
Some of us used to take vacations off after a week of meetings because we just
want to get away from people.

Sales - you meet a lot of people who may or may not want to meet you. Some are
really nice but because it's part of your job, you end up entertaining
conversations you don't want to be a part of.

So by contrast, developers have the best social life. You can make
node_modules meme and someone gets it. You can talk about fun theories - not
too difficult like in academia, but the conversations aren't shallow either.
You have acquaintances who sincerely enjoy your company, and not because they
need something out of you.

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matfil
To an extent, yes, but I'm pretty confident that it's not actually the
_coding_ that's the issue, in that I can work solo on something (even
something exciting and all-consuming) and context-switch into social or family
mode with only a few minutes of transition time. The "software is a team
sport" aspect of a lot of professional programming is much more wearing,
though.

My model for this is that I seem to have a fixed budget of sociability that I
can either spend on meeting at work or on friends and family. It's pretty
frustrating.

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abledon
Yes , it’s a danger to look out for . Definitely try to balance it out with
tech meet ups and other activities if you don’t see yourself doing anything
else in life as a job —— for me , now when people issue dumb statements lik ‘I
cant imagine how they’re do that!!!’ I take it literally like it’s code world
and explain to them how .... “jeez man it’s just an expresaion, you know what
I mean!” Brain can’t help it. The more of whatever we do influences us and
each year it’s harder to change paths as we grow firmer in our habits

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ak39
How many hours a day are you coding without human interaction? Are you taking
breaks?

The main problem is that we can't switch modes or switch off - even
temporarily. This happens to me often. I have been somewhat of a remote worker
for the past 18 months, and I agree with you that out of frustration you are
likely to choose to remain reclusive and indoors thereby making social
(integration) matters worse if you don't do something to realign yourself.

Here are my known effective antidotes:

1\. When you talk with others, make eye contact. Smile. You don't have to say
much. I find that I have to actively force myself to look at the people I'm
talking to. There is a lot of "communication" that takes place and cues from
the eyes.

2\. Make new friends or just acquaintances. I spend 4-5 days per week at the
gym at exactly the same time in the day (10:30 am). This is probably the only
social interaction I get on an average day outside of my family. By choosing a
set time for the gym, I get to meet my own regulars who I've gotten to know
over several months. The banter after friendly smiles is as important as a
thorough workout for me.

2\. Read fiction. I spend 1 hour a day reading well-written fiction. Away from
the keyboard. Grab a nice cup of coffee, sit somewhere quiet and read. Choose
a book of interest where the writer has full command over his/her language. I
am currently reading an English translation of Antoine de Saint-Exupery's
"Wind, Sand and Stars". I find reading the non-computer world helps to rewire
my mind, now a specialised one-trick pony, back to a general conversational
state.

Take care.

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dmitripopov
It's a dangerous path of introvert freelancer. At some point it becomes easier
to type than to speak. And, damn, coding is addictive.

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anoncoward111
Coding is addictive? It's something I can barely compel myself to do anymore
when I'm paid roughly the same to do customer service.

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whatsstolat
Not the OP, but the coding I find additive is not the coding I get paid for.
E.g. playing around with a new language or framework because its fun.

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anoncoward111
Even coding my fun projects becomes a hassle and annoying when the precise
vision I have is not easily and quickly built with the available tools.

These days I get an infinite amount of pleasure from chopping onions,
carefully cooking them until they caramelize, salting/spicing them ever so
slightly, and watching the smiles on my friends faces. It's a definite and
immediate payoff, and a visceral one at that :)

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LifeQuestioner
No...?

But then, if i'm on the computer i'm coding or doing something productive.

I don't read the news and I don't have facebook.

I'm i'm not "doing something" \- i.e something that requires thinking, i'm out
and about and exploring.

I don't watch tv either...i'm probably more sociable than most people to be
fair...

I get depressed and demotivated...and stop learning if I don't get enough
stimulation...

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octosphere
Depends on whether you join 'the collective' and spend your time there.
Otherwise you could choose the hermetic lifestyle and live on your own terms
with your own rules. It's up to you. People have a hard time choosing between
the two however and this ties into your identity and The Self; or who you
actually are fundamentally.

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whatsstolat
I find after a day of just doing coding in an open office environment, I can
barely speak to anyone because its so draining.

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CM30
What social life? It barely existed before I started coding, and coding hasn't
exactly made it any 'worse'. In that sense, it's not really done anything that
writing, game development or running internet sites had probably done already.

Being introverted and not being too sociable was probably a factor in me
becoming a programmer to begin with.

But hey, it can definitely hurt your ability to socialise as well, especially
if you don't have anything else to do outside of work/computer related
activities.

That said

