
Giving up alcohol opened my eyes to the infuriating truth about why women drink - jaytaylor
http://qz.com/762868/giving-up-alcohol-opened-my-eyes-to-the-infuriating-truth-about-why-women-drink/
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cuckcuckspruce
Typical think piece - someone's inability to manage their life while partaking
in a substance is not a personal fault, not something that they alone must
bear and abstain from, but a problem with society and the responsibility of
others to fix.

I'm an alcoholic. Looking at my expense tracking from the first five years out
of college and in a developer role shows that I spent more money on booze in
those five years than I did on gasoline for my car and groceries. There was
not a time when I was out of work (or when I needed to drive - amazingly even
alcoholic me wouldn't cross that line) that I wasn't drinking some craft beer
or a single malt whiskey or smoking a cigar and playing poker with some
bourbon. Unsurprisingly, my personal life was a gigantic mess while I shambled
along at my job as a functional alcoholic.

I eventually completely gave up alcohol due to the problems I experienced, and
I went through about a three year phase that this writer describes, where I
ascribed to other people the reason why I personally drank. What I found
through that was that I personally drank for unhealthy reasons. When I was
unhappy or things were rough, I'd pop open a beer. After a hard day at work I
would drain half a bottle of bourbon. Over a long Thanksgiving meal with my
overbearing and judgemental family I'd down a bottle of wine myself.

I was personally using alcohol to cope with my problems instead of facing
them. That does not mean that everybody else in the world does so. Several of
my friends can have one beer with dinner and a scotch and soda on poker nights
and be perfectly fine and sober to drive home. Most of the people I know can
moderate their drinking, except for the other alcoholics in my group of
friends who have given up alcohol.

So perhaps the writer of this piece should introspect instead of project and
fix the issues in their life that are bothering them and learn to let others
make mistakes and learn from them instead of taking part in the "silent four-
way exchange of dismay, irritation, and bitchiness" they were so proud of.

~~~
sportanova
but it's so much easier to blame it on the patriarchy!

Not to mention she's a sexist: "Uber driver who might possibly be a rapist".

------
tempestn
On one hand, I agree with other comments that the author may be overly alert
to alcohol dependence signals in society. It has become somewhat of a social
norm to joke about using alcohol to get through unpleasantness, but most
people I know don't take the jokes literally. That may be difficult to see
when you've had difficulty with alcohol in your own life.

On the other hand, the challenges she writes about women facing aren't
fabricated, and she's giving herself as an example of someone who used alcohol
to deal with those challenges. She sees signs that others are doing the same,
and is disturbed by it. Even if there's some projection going on there,
obviously there are _some_ other women in a similar situation, and maybe this
post would be helpful to them. In some professional and social circles, I
don't doubt there is also significant pressure on people of both genders, but
women especially, to drink with the guys to fit in; perhaps reading this
first-hand account of the effects that can have could change behaviours. It
may not be perfectly unbiased, but I don't see it as worthless either.

Reading some of these comments, I can't help but notice the parallel to the
men on the panel discussed in the post. Commenting on the points made is one
thing (ideally while trying to understand where the author is coming from more
fully), but dismissing the author and her thoughts outright because you feel
you know better seems counterproductive at best.

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jimmywanger
The thing that most bothers me is she conflates her alcohol addiction with
sexism.

I know that as a male, I'm generally asked if I want to have a drink if
everybody else is having one, and they don't look askance at me if I don't.

Trying to bring gender into this thing is pathetic.

~~~
cuckcuckspruce
It appears the author cannot accept that her alcoholism (or "ethanol
dependency" as she likely called it) could be solely her fault. She's trying
to lay some of the blame for her personal inability to consume alcohol safely
and in moderation at the feet of society - society made her do it.

That's the thing about being a special snowflake, you have to be unique and
perfect or you're just another wet lump.

------
theonemind
This actually sort of reads like she was just an alcoholic. Everyone's got
problems. Every class of people even have problems (men, women, children,
white people, black people, etc.)

------
techer
There are so many deeply unhappy and unsatisfied men and women in the world it
is truly astonishing.

~~~
stuxnet79
It's astonishing why?

~~~
techer
4000 years of writing, thought and guidance seems useless to some people. Life
is as simple as you make it. Nothing is really new.

I speak to as many people in their 70s and 80s and 90s as I can and more often
that not they are quite lonely, scared and sad.

Obviously I'm not immune to such feelings!

------
ManlyBread
I have no idea what is the premise of the article and what is the problem that
the author wants to bring up to the light. The author jumps between anecdotes
and some situations from her life that ultimately lead to no conclusions. I
stopped reading here:

>Is it so hard to work ten hours for your rightful 77% of a salary

as this is definitively not true, unless she's okay with this kind of
discrimination and did not take it to the court.

