
How do I change the way I think about achieving my goals? - IAmTheTucan
I have been thinking about various problems. Problems like how to get that girl I want, how to make more money, who is it that I want to be, etc.<p>Well my mind just isn&#x27;t capable of solving these problems. So what do I do? I try to expand my mind by reading and talking to people. But it&#x27;s still my own mind progressing at a snails pace. Progressing so slowly that things will not change unless I find some other way.<p>I keep falling into these same unproductive modes of thinking. I am so intensely driven but all of my energy is going nowhere.<p>Please help me think differently so that I can analyze my goals from new angles.
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badbug
Reframe the question

"How do I get the girl" may work for a particular girl but is that healthy for
you long term?

Reframe: what traits do partners appreciate and how do I cultivate them?

Much better, right? And the goal becomes long term "being better" instead of
short term "dating girl in cubicle 7"

This also has multiplier effects: now you can be better in _all_ areas, not
just the "getting the girl" area. This may lead to more money or other goals.

Practice lots of empathy and selfless improvement. Don't focus on girl, job,
monetary figure. Once you "get" them, if you "get" them, you will be lost
again.

Focus on being a better person. Then you will appreciate the things you have
and will have the mindset to maintain them.

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UK-Al05
Try not to focus on goals, as much but turn things that work towards those
goals in to systems.

For example don't have the goal "Win the competition".

Have a system that says practice 3 hours everyday.

The reason being is that goals are not always within your control and when you
don't get those goals fast you get demotivated.

But systems are within your control and but work towards your goal.

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z66is
i have found that the surest way to become frustrated when setting goals is to
try to tackle the hard stuff first. instead, it is better to do the easy stuff
right away. accomplishing _anything_ will give you a sense of satisfaction and
increase your motivation. have the big goals - yes - but tell yourself that
you are "on the path" and that if you never finish it is alright - at least
you are making progress. an activity that has no intrinsic value for you is
not worth your time so do the little things that make you happy and continue
to dream _big_. if you instantly had all that you think you want, there is no
"locking it in". you will become old and sick and will eventually die so enjoy
the time you have now. that is my advice

i just wanted to add that "really hard" things are not really hard. in my
experience all complex activities are the result of many simple actions
learned with repetition and practice. so you should build a foundation by
mastering many simple things. life can/should be "play"

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wpmoradi
I agree - learn to break down your goals into small actionable tasks, then
make a to do list to finish X number of them by end of week. That way you can
track how far you are, achieve your goals in small steps week by week, and get
a sense of accomplishment. Goals are achieved with discipline no motivation!
Just get up and do it - don't think!

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du_bing
I have an idea for you.

1\. Get to Know what your really what. Think really hard about your goal and
make it as clear as possible, whether it's to fuck that girl or make 1 billion
money, or rule the world.

2\. Listen to a people that you believe. He can be your parents, best friend,
a historical person who influenced you most or you admired most, a hero of our
days, etc. Reading and talking to random people does not make you act because
you never believe what they say. You have to find a concrete person, whether
live or dead, he has accomplished the clear goal of yours. Then you
communicate with him deeply, know how he succeeded, how he failed, how he
progressed, as detailed as possible.

3\. Understand that people that who succeeded at your own goal has also once
be in the position of yours now. Know what he has done to change it and make
progress. You follow him. But of course you will not succeed as him, but you
have to be creative to apply his method to your own similar situation. This is
hard, but it's more effective to start from thin air.

4\. Communicate with that person more(read, talk, listen, think), and follow
the path he has walked, adjust your decisions quickly. Remember that if you
really know one successful person, you know that success is not a mysterious
thing, it has to be related to some real things in life. You need to find that
relation and connect yourself with that thing, decision, action or people.

5\. Adjust your goal. Because no person knows what he really wants in fact,
you may gradually find that your pervious goal is not so attractive, for
example that girl is so not great to fuck or live with, that money will get
you many trouble, then you have to adjust your goal again and again. The
really problem is find what you really want, and it's tough.

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dailymorn
To change your thinking about goals, you’ll need to recognize that goals
aren’t for everyone.

And that’s completely okay.

Goals and problems are mentioned in your original post, but they are
fundamentally different things.

Goals usually mean you’re adding value. Problems mean you’re fixing something.
Mixing the two is likely what’s making things difficult. Sometimes we make a
goal to solve a problem, and sometimes we try to solve a problem to achieve a
goal.

But goals and problems are not the same thing.

This isn’t just semantics.

We’ve all witnessed those visionary folks that are born to set and achieve
goals e.g. Steve Jobs.

Then there are the problem-solving geniuses who can break down and debug just
about any problem you throw at them.

This is getting a bit too long, so I wrote up more to help figure out "Which
one are you?": [https://rayli.net/posts/goals-vs-
problems/](https://rayli.net/posts/goals-vs-problems/)

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bagsvaerd70
People have said it here already, but I will repeat it again. Systems
(actually habits!), not goals, are the solution.

You need to derive pleasure from sticking to a habit and making continuous
improvements. Arbitrary and concrete goals might be hard to achieve. But if
you stick to habits, good things will happen™. Good things that are hard to
plan. E.g. you will not get the girl you want, but you will get another great
girl, possibly a better one!

Sticking to goals brings very short-lived pleasure, whereas habit rewards are
continuous and long-lasting.

To form habits, try
[https://www.tinyhabits.com/](https://www.tinyhabits.com/). In a nutshell,
this is a continuous improvement framework for habits.

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bsvalley
Lot’s of good advice here and people agree on splitting your goals into sets
of mini-achievable-goals.

Here is a complete new angle for you - move to a new place to easily create
more opportunities for yourself. Get out of your location and go explore a new
country or a new city. Why? It will help you get out of your comfort zone and
will force you to become pro-active. That alone could change your life and you
may end up reaching some of these goals more naturally. Go chase life,
discipline is key I agree but luck is also part of success. A new start
somewhere else is what may unlock your current situation.

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JoshCole
One thing you can try to do with very hard problems with very sparse rewards
is to suppose a slope of incremental rewards which lead toward the goal. Then
you don't have to figure out how to get to the goal. You can just collect the
rewards on the slope. Figuring out how to take the next step is much easier to
do than figuring out the full path. So its a much more tractable problem. It
does require treating problem-specific advice as if it were true, since that
lets you infer a gradient you haven't figured out for yourself.

Another approach that can be taken when dealing with hard problems is to start
with the easiest possible version of that problem and solve that problem. Then
to complicate it ever so slightly and solve that problem. Through doing this
repeatedly you can move along a path of increasing understanding related to
the problem you are solving. Upon reaching the most complicated problem which
you struggled with previously, the problem is now an incremental addition of
complexity to a problem you already know how to solve, rather than a problem
which you don't know how to solve. This reduces the amount which needs to be
learned to make a successful step. Which makes the problem of taking that step
much easier.

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meretext
You may not be breaking your goals down into the smallest components that you
can actually work on - you're looking at the high level outcome and you can't
eat the whale all at once. In order to, say, write a novel or create an iOS
game, you need to decompose those into specific actions such as learning to
type, and then practicing typing daily until you're really good at it;
studying Swift, Xcode etc. before stepping into SpriteKit or whatever else
follows. Some things can be worked or learned in parallel, just like you have
multiple classes in college, but some things need to be done or learned before
other things (pre-requisites). Map out your learning and doing that way. I
found college very productive, so I now build my own 'majors' and create a
curriculum with 'classes' and a syllabus for each, and run my learning as if I
were in college, including having a schedule for the 'classes'. Experiment and
find what works for you, but you've got to find and learn the core, lowest
level actions you need to perform and learn to achieve the higher level goal.
Iterate, practice and build up so each day is slightly better than the
yesterday. Go watch Jordan Peterson's Youtube video discussing that at
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5S6cTQRoU4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5S6cTQRoU4)

Good luck.

