
Diaspora Co-Founder Ilya Zhitomirskiy Passes Away At 21 - brackin
http://techcrunch.com/2011/11/13/diaspora-co-founder-ilya-zhitomirskiy-passes-away-at-21/
======
DevX101
The founders of Diaspora were in a really unenviable position. They started
off with a wave of national press as well as solid financial support from
grassroot users. As time went on, it became increasingly clear that they would
not be able to accomplish the goal they originally set out to do. They had
failed. Publicly. This can be very devastating psychologically to someone who
has always 'succeeded' in life.

I'm not saying this was the case for Ilya, or had any part in his death, but I
know for me it would have been hard to swallow. There are many silent founders
out there that gave up everything for an unrealized dream in the path to
startup success and it has a real toll on psyches.

Best wishes to his family & friends.

EDIT: This appears to be a very controversial comment. The vote count seems to
be oscillating up and down very rapidly. I don't want to make this out to be a
discussion about Diaspora, so I won't comment further on that point. But the
mental health of founders is a real issue and rarely discussed. Maybe there
should be a more open discussion about this issue.

~~~
temphn
Very important comment. The biggest risk in doing a startup is not the
financial risk per se.

It's the psychological risk of knowing you really, really tried -- and still
failed. That is the hard part, because everyone goes in with Dilbert/mass
media notions of how easy it is to be a CEO or (just as bad) Social Network
illusions of how easy it is to grow meteorically while fighting off lawsuits.

The truth is that it's not easy, that it takes a special and lucky person. If
you fail it's really hard to realize you aren't that special. The possibly
healthier (?) way of dealing is to convince yourself that it was bad luck, or
the other guy cheated. Then it's not as much of a hit to the ego, to the sense
of your own capabilities. But it's hard.

~~~
tptacek
It doesn't take a special person, so much as it's simply the case that no
matter who you are, your startup is likely to fail.

When I was much younger and starting my first (fundably doomed) startup, one
of my cofounders liked to say, "yeah, most businesses fail, but those
statistics include companies trying to sell soft drinks to Eskimos and
combination Chinese food/pizza restaurants". Then we'd all chuckle, knowing
that the statistics most certainly didn't capture dynamic new technology firms
like ours.

No. Most companies fail. Look at the list of dead YC companies. Those were
screened by a team that has specialized in doing nothing but screening
founding teams and then attempting to give them every advantage their
considerable and growing infrastructure and connections can give them. And
they still fail.

Because that is what startups do. They fail.

The best, most talented, most experienced founders in the world would
presumably be among the first to tell you that you can't read _anything about
your self_ from the simple fact that your company failed. Learn what you can,
but don't ever let it grind on you.

(Some people just shouldn't be in this game, for whatever it's worth, like
Matt Damon said about the no-limit players in Rounders; not because they
can't, but because it's not healthy for them.)

~~~
einhverfr
Actually I will take that further, as a small business owner.

EVERY business fails. Every single one. Some businesses somehow manage to stay
in business when they run out of money and keep going on until they succeed.
However, that's what businesses are up against. I think going into that armed
and aware is one thing that makes success more likely.

------
edw519
Horrible. This news is so tragic I really can't focus on anything else now.
Which is probably the way it should be.

Our community stresses the importance of achievement, success, and technology
so much that it's easy to forget what's really most important: each other.
Sometimes it takes terrible news like this to jerk us back to that reality.

I never knew Ilya, but if any of his friends of family visits this forum,
please know that many thoughts and prayers are with you.

I have no idea what was behind this, so just a few (possibly related)
thoughts:

\- Let's never forget that everything we do is for other people. They outrank
all the ones and zeros. Go hug someone important to you.

\- If you ever believe the possibility of something like happening is >
.00001, do something, anything. If you don't know what to do, contact me (see
my profile) and I'll help in any way I can. Nothing can be more important.

\- This was the ultimate failure. I'm so sorry to hear this and hope that
Ilya's family and friends somehow find peace.

~~~
chunkyslink
>> If you ever believe the possibility of something like happening is >
.00001, do something, anything. If you don't know what to do, contact me (see
my profile) and I'll help in any way I can.

Its a nice thought, but people in this position often don't want help.

My best Friend was doing a PHD in a Biochemistry related field at University
College London back in 2003. He was an outgoing person, had a hot girlfriend
and lots of friends. He had a what seemed like a great life and an even better
future.

One night we went out together and had a great night. We went our separate
ways about 4am and I we arranged to meet at 5pm the next day.

At 2pm the next afternoon I got a call from his flat mate saying that he had
committed suicide. He had access to all kinds of chemicals and substances at
the as part of his PHD and he had been taking little bits for months and
months and making a potent cocktail of poison. He drank the poison and died
instantly.

There was no note, no explanation and no reason anyone knew. I was the last
person (friend) to see him alive.

I guess I'm saying - even balanced, successful people have their reasons and
you will never know or be told what they are.

~~~
dchuk
Unfortunately, an outgoing personality is a great way to protect yourself from
people asking you the very painful question of "what's wrong"...I know now,
after wrestling with depression for years, that sometimes it's harder to face
your depression and explain your pain to others than it is to simply be
depressed in the first place. What better way to defend yourself than by
acting exactly opposite of how you really are?

~~~
necro
If someone is at that stage where you are contemplating this, here is a
tip....just do it. By that I mean commit suicide of your _current_ life, not
of life. Most of what weights someone down are the fears, struggles,
embarrassment, your peer groups, jobs, etc. If you can't find a way through
it, just leave it. Give all your stuff away, give away your money, give up
your computer, leave your friends and family, pack a backback, travel to
Africa, resign your life to helping others. Think of it as you ended your life
and now you're just a servant to others. You don't have any aspirations of
success, any ladders to climb, just live to help others.

Go without any plans, any future, just go and see what happens. You'll be
free. It may be dangerous, you might not make it, but if your other choice was
death the day before, then everything now is just gravy anyways. Don't worry
about it.

This may sound silly and simple and extreme, but if you _are_ at that stage
then this should be your stop gap. From now on when you're in that dark spot
just think about when you're going to pull the trigger on this, not on
yourself.

Of course there are lots of things you can do before it comes to this, but if
you're past that, just leave your current life totally.

~~~
hugh3
I'm not sure this is good advice. I have no experience of this kind of thing,
but it seems to me that cutting yourself off from everybody who cares about
you is one of the worst things you can do. Now you have no money, no friends,
no family, and nothing to stop you when you next start to feel like jumping
off a cliff.

It sounds like a good start to a _story_ , but bad real-world advice.

I had an ex-gf who worked on a suicide hotline, and apparently one of the most
powerful things they had in their arsenal were questions like "Who do you
think would find your body?" and "How do you think it would affect them?" and
other encouragements for suicidal person to think about how their suicide
would affect those around them. If you're backpacking alone in Africa, having
taken your leave from everybody in your life two months ago, it seems like
there'd be a lot less to keep you.

~~~
necro
You miss the point. You would have already jumped off a cliff. This is one
thing you do before. Of course try all the other things. But if you _are_ on
the ledge, consider this before. If you think about it, is the consideration
of this is similar to "who will find your body, how will they feel". It's one
additional stop gap to prevent the worse outcome.

~~~
hugh3
I don't think that's how it works.

(Also, no offence, but I'm disinclined to take suicide-prevention advice from
anyone named "necro"...)

~~~
singular
I can confirm (at least in my experience + the experience of others I know who
suffer from serious clinical depression) this is not how (serious) depression
works.

I sincerely doubt it would make any difference, largely because of how you
feel about life + yourself (it would require an acceptance of capability of
doing such things) + the point of trying to help such a horrid world. I think
the more immediate consideration of those people finding your body, etc. will
be more effective as that's something undeniable and forces you to consider
others in a non-fanciful way.

------
ig1
The death of the founder of any well-known startup merits mention here. The
startup community is a close knit global one, we don't just meet each other at
professional networking events, we share our lives with each other.

Perhaps unlike any other profession we have a closeness that binds us, we
socialize, we date, we make lifelong friends from within the startup
community.

Even if we don't know the startup founder directly we know of their work,
their successes and their failures, their contribution to the story of the
startup world.

Speculation suggests that it may have been self-inflicted, even if it's not
true, it's worth stepping back and appreciating the fact that startup founders
often find themselves under immense pressure and often keep it quiet.

When's the last time you asked someone how their startup was doing to get a
reply "not so good", founders are expected to be eternal optimists and this
expectation can make it harder for those struggling or suffering to ask for
help from their friends (who are often from the startup world themselves).

Maybe we need a Startups Anonymous to give founders a place where they can
drop their public persona and be honest about the worries that are keeping
them up at night.

~~~
byr0nic
Completely agree, and for that reason I started a meetup here in London
recently called London Tech Founders Anonymous
(<http://www.meetup.com/LTechFA>); we've had two great sessions thus far, and
indeed as you've noted, one of the points raised in support of the initiative
by attendees present at the inaugural session was the liberation of the format
due to the group's aims; viz., steering participants away from the ubiquitous
"We're killing it!" in favour of actual truth and deeper bonding/learning
that, in my opinion, seems underserved in the community generally.

That being said, great initiatives like FailCon (<http://thefailcon.com/>) do
exist, however I personally don't believe a consumption-centric format (i.e.
standard lecture/conference/meetup format) will cut it; deep interaction and
open sharing on a regular basis is the only way.

We in LTFA adhere to Chatham House rules
(<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chatham_House_Rule>), so there is confidence
when unburdening ourselves... and that's a big part of it, tbh!

------
oomkiller
There are rumors that his death was self-inflicted, which is quite sad. Every
time we see a young smart kid die like this, it should remind us to remember
others as we go through our lives. Too often we ignore other peoples feelings,
and then something like this happens. Take a moment to talk to the people you
love to make sure something like this doesn't happen to them.

(If it turns out this is inaccurate, please excuse the speculation, but I
still think this is important.)

~~~
dereg
Serious question, is "self-inflicted" a euphemism for "suicide"?

~~~
nobody3141592
Yes "self-inflicted" is a medical/legal term which includes suicide.

In some jurisdiction there is a difference if "the balance of mind was
disturbed" or if the coroner believed it was an attempted suicide (cry for
help) that 'went wrong'

------
yeison
Ilya was an incredible person. His heart was truly driven by bringing about
positive change in this world. Diaspora was only the beginning.

He was genuinely one of the kindest people I've ever met. Along with that, one
of the most driven and intelligent peers I've ever encountered. Any time I
ever had a chance to converse with him, it was always a very pleasant
experience. He was someone I felt I had truly connected with. I only wish I
could tell him that now.

Take care buddy. Thank you for enlightening me.

~~~
fbishara
I couldn't agree with you more. Ilya had the brain of a genius, an incredibly
brilliant and extremely humble, which made him extremely unique. Ot top of
that he was an idealist who also took action to create more good in the world.
He had a big heart and a genius brain, I'm still struggling to accept that
he's gone...

~~~
metasj
Just so. Ilya was one of the most creative and clear-eyed people I ever met.
He had a gift for projecting possibilities into the future and condensing a
great deal of thought into a few observations.

I was inspired by time spent with him, and my own ideas flourished as a
result. It's painful to think that noone will get to talk or dream with him
again, but I am grateful for the brief time I had.

------
clarkevans
On a flight from San Francisco to New York I had the good fortune to run into
this gentleman. He was kind, thoughtful, and had a very deep sense of
commitment to those who had donated funds and had put their hopes into
Diaspora. His picture is one I expected to see again, just not like this.

------
goo
Fuck everything about this piece of news. I knew him. I can't believe I'm
finding this out by logging into HN. Fuck.

~~~
puredemo
Sorry man.

------
jtchang
I just met Ilya a few weeks ago at Noisebridge.

As a community we rarely talk about the darker side of a startup. We make it
seem like ancient Roman warriors on the quest to glory. In reality it can be a
dark, depressing road. Depression is real and can hit harder than anything
you've ever experienced.

How many people talk about how depression? How at times things will seem so
hopeless that you won't have anywhere to turn? It is certainly not the most
popular topic.

------
ggwicz
Why don't we wait for official comment before speculating on the cause of his
death. The last thing his family/friends/coworkers need is false rumors. Not
saying they're necessarily false or correct, I just think we should wait out
of courtesy. I know I'd hope people do that if I died...

------
Geekette
This is too sad. Only 21 for goodness sake; his life was just beginning. Even
without having known him, this feels painful and I cannot imagine what his
family and friends are going through. I'm reminded of a Yoruba (West African
language) saying to "kill someone alive", i.e. effect of something so painful
on a person such that although technically alive, for all intents and
purposes, he/she is dead. How does one possibly (if ever) recover from losing
a child/sibling/friend in this way?

My condolences to all who knew him.

------
tibbon
Wow. I never met Ilya in person, but I spoke with him several times via a
private mailing list of people doing social network research. This is
incredibly unfortunate. In my limited interactions with him he was always
incredibly intelligent and willing to help out others.

------
ksharp
I'm reminded of Gene Kan, but I am unsure if the circumstances are similar:

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gene_Kan>

The similarities are that there was considerable press coverage of Diaspora
and that they seemed, at least to me, destined to fail mostly just because it
was a hard thing to do given their structure. It is a true shame that this
individual took the failure personally as it wasn't at all his fault, again it
was primarily structural in my opinion. Gene Kan I understand was somewhat
susceptible for other reasons to depression.

~~~
brimpa
Tweets from ~12 hours ago suggest that the circumstances are indeed similar.

<https://twitter.com/#!/search/zhitomirskiyi>

------
adrianwaj
Vitamin D levels affect state of mind, and if you're coding through the night
and sleeping through the day, you're probably low on Vit D levels - or rather,
you could be a lot higher if you wanted to.

~~~
robg
I used to get Seasonal Affective Disorder every year around this time. Since
starting on Vitamin D, the symptoms have yet to return. It's also improved my
sleep patterns.

~~~
matthewcford
Me too, bought a SAD light or a happy light as I like to call it. Seems to
help in the British winters.

------
zmanji
Anyone passing at such a young age is simply a massive tragedy.

------
samgranger
I find it very saddening that so many people here are speculating that Ilya
committed suicide. It's disrespectful to speculate, especially in such a case.
Get a life.

------
chefsurfing
I am touched by the loss of Ilya.

Kipling's "IF" seems an appropriate addition to the discussion thread tonight.
\--- IF.....

IF you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it
on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance
for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being
lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And
yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream - and not make
dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you
can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the
same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to
make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And
stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of
pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe
a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To
serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing
in you Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, ' Or walk with Kings - nor
lose the common touch, if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all
men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything
that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

\--- Thank you Ilya.

------
Legion
"Zhitomirskiy committed suicide, a source close to the company confirmed to
CNNMoney."

[http://money.cnn.com/2011/11/14/technology/diaspora_cofounde...](http://money.cnn.com/2011/11/14/technology/diaspora_cofounder_died/)

------
newobj
Holding out hope here... but this whole ball started rolling with one tweet
like 14 hours ago. I haven't seen a single source confirm anything yet. Any
chance the net is getting punk'd right now?

~~~
21echoes
as his roommate i can confirm that he has indeed passed away. i thank you for
your hope and optimism, but sadly these things can only go so far sometimes.
life and death are very real and very sudden things, and i hope that his
memory spurs you to fight for what you believe in while you can. goodness
knows he did.

~~~
grusk
Can you tell us how? My condolences. I was watching a couple interviews with
Ilya on Youtube and it's clear he was a very bright kid with a lot of
potential.

------
Newky
Things like this often give me pause for thought. Often this community, and
indeed myself, drive myself to attain better results, and generally push
towards a wealthy career, so often we can forget what is truly important.

I'm a religious person, so often this translates to worrying about how I'm
prepared should I also meet an early grave, but its important that in times
like this that we also see the importance of others in our lives, our family,
relationships etc.

Easy to forget that the thing we work so hard for can be wiped away in a split
second.

My deepest sympathies to all involved.

------
resnamen
Much too young. The poor guy.

------
mekarpeles
We'll miss you, Ilya. Thanks for your guidance and friendship.

------
evanprodromou
So sorry to hear that Ilya's gone. I only had a chance to meet him a few
times, but I found him intelligent, thoughtful and friendly.

I don't know the circumstances of his death, but I do hope that his family and
colleagues get to see what an impact it's had on the hacker community.

I look forward to hearing ways that they'd like us to honour his passing;
until then I'm going to do it the way I know best -- keep hacking.

------
hsparikh
Very sad news. My sincere condolences to his family and friends.

------
MediaSquirrel
How did he die?

~~~
olh
Suicide.

~~~
dennisgorelik
How do you know?

~~~
tbrooks
Because people don't say "he died suddenly" without saying the cause unless it
was suicide.

~~~
YmMot
Not really. There are several causes of death where this is the case, though
admittedly suicide is one of them.

------
alecco
If rumors are true, my finger is pointing to the get-rich-easy self-promotion
advocates like [you know who]. There are many kids in the coming generation
who took their nonsense too seriously, sometimes like a cult. Just to make a
few bucks selling books. No harm done, right?

------
teeja
Sometimes deep (non-organic) depression can be a clue to the revelation that
you've been untrue to your own nature. The depression is an opportunity to
review what you've been doing, what you've been missing, and make plans to
recreate your life in a way that's more positively rewarding.

It's awful to see young lives wasted in this way... whether they're
'promising' in conventional ways or not. Many people have made it through The
Abyss to go on to great things - which can include things that are completely
unimportant to society at large. No need to be engulfed by the values of
others. Be true to yourself.

------
Tycho
This is now the top story on the front page of Yahoo UK, with a large picture
of Ilya. I'm not sure what to make of that.

I suppose one thing we can learn here is to be more sensitive about other
peoples' work. Sometimes tech-related articles/comments/rants take a very
harsh tone, and even though it might be valid criticism, it's easy to forget
that some developer might have poured his/her heart and soul into what you're
dismissing (or even ridiculing).

------
robertk
"We shall have to work faster."

<http://yudkowsky.net/other/yehuda>

Even if it was suicide, this too we will overcome.

------
starpilot
Considering loneliness is often associated with depression and suicide, it's
interesting that his project was pure social networking.

------
k-mcgrady
Very sad to hear. My sincere condolences.

------
tripzilch
In case the other thread won't bubble to the front page (though I expect it
will):

CNN confirmed it was suicide:
[http://money.cnn.com/2011/11/14/technology/diaspora_cofounde...](http://money.cnn.com/2011/11/14/technology/diaspora_cofounder_died/)

------
click170
Very sad news indeed.

I hope the passing of a co-founder doesn't result in the passing of the
project as well.

------
_THE_PLAGUE
Baruch dayan H'emet. This is very tragic. Nothing else to say. Rest in peace.

------
kirbyspit
Regarding telling suicidal people to think about the people who care about
them before taking their lives...some suicidal people don't have anyone who
cares about them. That's why they're suicidal.

------
TomGullen
Poor man. I've been through some of what he must have experienced to come to
his conclusion and it's very unpleasant. I hope his family and friends are all
OK.

------
tomelders
22 years. That's no time at all, not on this planet.

------
Praveens
Extremely sad over the untimely death at a very young age. May his soul RIP.
Prayers and condolences to all his near and dear ones.

------
josscrowcroft
RIP. So young :/ not that it makes much of a difference now, but I hope it was
peaceful.

------
xtoxikx
This is extremely shocking! He was much too young! :(

------
ggwicz
So sad. Rest in peace.

------
rooshdi
Rest in peace.

------
spencerfry
Rest in peace.

------
alle
so sad :(

------
d3x
This is really sad. My condolences to his friends and family.

------
jhuni
Who let people start dying this fall!!?!

------
jaequery
this somehow reminds me of the movie "Antitrust" ...

~~~
tlrobinson
Young programmer working on an open source competitor to large company
suddenly dies.

Insensitive perhaps, and I don't believe anything similar happened, but FWIW I
had the same thought.

------
vaksel
what a senseless death

~~~
k-mcgrady
There is no point to speculating. If they don't want to say just leave it at
that.

~~~
vaksel
it's basic human nature to speculate

that's why the news of Michael Jackson's death caused Twitter and even Google
to crash

~~~
steve-howard
I think we like to hold ourselves to a higher level of discussion here than
your average tabloid.

------
parfe
What purpose do stories like this serve? People consider asking for details to
be rude. Other than tabloid style storytelling drama, why else should
strangers care?

This man died young, but so did the local 19 year old young woman killed just
after midnight by a driver just after she rescued an injured dog from the
road.

You can already see someone saying the cause of death does not matter, but why
does this death announcement matter?

edit: Poster removed his admonishment regarding questions about the cause of
death.

People close to this person obviously will suffer due to their loss, but his
death announcement gets posted here in some sort of limbo where no one (or
very few) knew him. But we must respond with condolences to people we don't
know about a person we only know though his involvement in a web application.

edit2: Twitter messages directed at the deceased indicate suicide.

~~~
knowtheory
If suicide does turn out to be the cause of death, it is worth talking about.
I won't say that there's nothing more tragic than suicide, but it is certainly
senseless/needless in almost all cases.

The more awareness of suicide, the risk factors, and how to not tread into
that space, the better.

~~~
DanBC
> _The more awareness of suicide_

Suicide has a strong triggering effect; see "Werther effect".

Talking about suicide has to be done carefully to avoid triggering further
suicidal behaviour; especially after someone has just completed suicide.

I'd agree that more awareness of suicide prevention is very important.

~~~
lucasjung
I receive annual suicide awareness training at work. One of the things they
train us to do is, if we suspect someone might be considering suicide, to ask
point-blank: "Are you thinking about hurting yourself." Most people will
answer honestly, and then you can get them help if they need it. So while
discussing suicide in the abstract can trigger others to commit suicide,
discussing it directly with a potentially suicidal person is a critical first
step in preventing suicide. Also, most people don't know what to do when
dealing with someone suicidal, and the only way to teach them is to talk about
it, which creates a bit of a catch-22 when you combine that with the Werther
effect.

~~~
rdtsc
I have also heard that if a person is all of the sudden talking about buying a
gun or telling others how they would never commit suicide, out of the blue,
one should be very worried about them.

~~~
protomyth
The gun thing / statement thing is also an indicator that someone is being
threatened. Bad either way.

------
Nessuss
I hope he had a cryonics contract.

....

In reading the above, some people might think it insensitive to 'peddle' this
here, and I almost censored myself because of that.

But that's not helpful at all.

People are dying unnecessarily because they don't understand physics,
cognitive neuroscience, and the possibilities the future allows.

May he live again conditional on him being cryo-preserved. Otherwise, it is
sad news that yet another human has been annihilated.

~~~
_THE_PLAGUE
With due respect, cryonics won't work. Why? Because "I am a strange loop" as
Hofstadter would put it. We are NOT the code. We are the code execution. Think
of the human subject as a really complicated, recursive sort of while(1) loop.
When the program ends, we end. You can freeze the source code all you want -
possibly even restart it but there is no reason I know of to think that such a
restarted program would be "me", more like a fascmile of "me". I could be
wrong, but not sure why I would be.

~~~
khafra
When I save the state of RAM to nonvolatile storage, then later put it back
into RAM and continue executing, there are senses in which you could
legitimately say it's not the same program. But they're not the senses I care
about.

