
Ask HN: Do you feel lonely as entrepreneur? - ushakov
Gave everything up, followed my heart, built the company of my dreams, and another one, then one more...<p>ended up alone, isolated, exempted from society, considered as &quot;crazy&quot;<p>everyone i knew before disappeared or is like super-busy with school&#x2F;work<p>i feel like the only free person in enslaved world<p>i don&#x27;t have to go school or college, i learn everything myself<p>i don&#x27;t have to work to be able to afford anything<p>but you see folks, that&#x27;s where the most people are, most of the time<p>that&#x27;s not where i am<p>how do they learn more about me?<p>at this point, i&#x27;m considering putting a online ad<p>but i&#x27;m really worried it would look too needy and just scare everyone away<p>how do you, fellow entrepreneurs deal with loneliness?<p>how do you meet new people when nobody, especially your age, could relate to you?<p>thank you very much, i appreciate each and every of your feedback
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zenincognito
Entrepreneur here. I finished uni in 2009 and started an agency when I was 25.
10 years after, I have only my confounder who I call a 3am friend.

It gets lonely because if you are in service business you start losing faith
and trust in people. People lie on resumes, lie about their abilities, clients
don't pay, clients lie on what was promised, people quit because they got 5k
more somewhere.

My perspective about people changed significantly after having worked with and
for people in the last 10 years. However, you build up resilience to a point
where nothing can surprise you. You know exactly how to get the outcomes you
want from every conversation. You get good at identifying good people and you
get good at making money.

Yet, it is lonely. Yes, it is lonely. But it is all worth it.

------
malux85
You didn't make enough contacts while building your businesses?

Most of the world is enslaved because thats the only way you can make them
productive.

But there's a small subset of the population who have freed themselves from
the burden of work, and we are the creative industrious. If you're as wealthy
as you claim you would have come into contact with several of us already.

Who's managing your wealth? Which private clubs are you a member of?

If you're a coder I can give you a cryptographic shibboleth problem, if you
solve it, then you are a candidate to join our members only club.

I know several other private clubs, depending on your interests, but again,
you should have discovered these already, if you're awake.

By the way, your grammar and writing style is terrible. Fix your
capitalisation and harmonize your thoughts so it's not just a steam of
consciousness. Effective communication is important - it's NOT trivial and
superficial, it's used as signalling!

~~~
ushakov
Hey, thanks for your reply

i made a lot of contacts through exhibitions, meet-ups and even some customers
i became friends with. I have had many "internet friends" before, but once i
disconnect, all of them disappear

i realised, i crave even more attention, because of the lack of

the fear of remaining alone made me needy, hopeless, miserable

i'm not a member of any offline private clubs, however i have my own community
and we get together once a year in Moscow and St. Petersburg

even after we've met, i never feel happy afterwards, because i know i will be
getting back home into loneliness... i feel very powerless about it

sorry to disappoint you with my grammar and writing style. I will take that
into account. Can you suggest any books or articles to read?

thank you very much

------
tonystubblebine
I don't say lonely, but I do say alientated.

It's a path that doesn't make a lot of sense unless you've gone down it. So I
have a harder time connecting about work to careerist friends. But there are
other things to connect on.

It's also lonely because you can't tell staff everything. If you are planning
to fire someone, or you actually do, you have a responsibility to keep the
reasons to yourself. It feels dishonest every time.

For connection on the topic of work I'm in an entrepreneur's group. We meet
about every two months, about 8 of us at each meeting.

What you learn from hearing other people's real problems is that your own
shitty problems aren't unique. In fact they're probably the norm.

~~~
ushakov
> alientated

that's the word for it!

------
htanirs
Yes, Entrepreneurship is lonely. Have felt the same.

In this online world sharing knowledge is so much easier. Blogging,
Professional forums can be used to share knowledge. It is baby steps but
eventually can lead to teaching, workshops which could be fulfilling.

Helping, mentoring budding Entrepreneurs is one area. They would be glad to
use all the wisdom.

Spending time with family. Connecting with old friends do help. I found,
reaching out just to say hello opens the door.

Also meeting people with similar hobby or interests also helps. People are
glad to share their knowledge.

I think when we are stuck, looking at avenues where we can give provides us
the opportunity to connect with like minded people.

------
leandot
Maybe consider doing something else with/for those people that you'd like to
meet? What about teaching or volunteering maybe?

Also people just don't like to talk about things that they don't find
interesting - so if you like to talk exclusively about entrepreneurship with
your friends, then it might be boring to them.

~~~
ushakov
I try really really hard to be discovered

i go gym, swimming, dog training

i even joined church

that's already more than i can handle, still no results, no people my age
there, nobody wants to connect

that's why i've told about making an ad

if it is appealing enough i'd become famous

if not i'll just be LOLed everywhere i go

------
seige
Loneliness is warranted on the entrepreneurial path. My DMs are open if you'd
like to talk.

If you have made enough money, have you considered starting a non-profit? You
seem good at starting new things and a non-profit just might give you the
meaning that you are searching for.

Just thinking out loud here.

~~~
ushakov
I was thinking about donating just to get some attention in the local
newspaper, but i think that is be very dishonest and people would see this

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enonevets
Meetups (or local events). I don't go much these days because I have friends
that are also entrepreneurial but when you're just starting out, going to
meetups to find like-minded folks locally is a great way to make new friends.

~~~
ushakov
most of the meet-ups find place outside of my small town :(

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tixocloud
Volunteering and being part of a completely different group altogether is what
helped me. Working with young people of tomorrow to help them polish their
skills and share some thoughts along the way while being a friend has done me
wonders.

------
raarts
I picked up teaching. Institutions are bad but I love the students.

~~~
ushakov
Yeah, but can you teach without a degree?

~~~
raarts
I found that many (not all) colleges are willing to bend the rules a bit. Also
often experience matters just as much as a degree for them.

------
MarcoSanto
"nobody, especially your age, could relate to you!": How old are you?

~~~
ushakov
The storyline was like that: i was still in high-school, in the meanwhile
instead of doing boring homework, i did my own thing

quickly, the business exploded, to the point i couldn't handle both

so i ditched school

it was pointless anyways, because i was making decent money as a teen already,
it felt like a waste of time, that i could've used to improve myself and the
business

i think my biggest mistake i recognise is, that i've told my mates about my
entrepreneurial intentions, shared my successes and showed-off my financial
well-being (u seen new iPhone yet? Look here)

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

~~~
MarcoSanto
Yeah, that's when 99% socialises. So I can see now you are pretty much out of
the loop.

------
muzani
It is a lonely path. It's a bit frustrating because others just won't relate
to you. People often talk up to you -- I've had classmates I used to hang
around at the school ditch call me Sir. Or another large group assumes you
don't have problems because you have money. I've tried hanging out with other
entrepreneurs, but many are either wantepreneurs or sociopaths, and it's just
incredibly frustrating. A lot of people in actual entrepreneur mode are
focusing on their business, and keep cofounders as social anchors.

And a lot of the time, it's because they sort of want to be where you are, but
they aren't. A big part of it is their fault. And so they justify it by
building a kind of disgust for wealth and the people who hold it. They say,
well, being wealthy requires sacrifices to family life, health, and so on, and
are happy to see you lonely.

It's also a bit depressing that you can't really "free" anyone. A lot of
people seem to think that all they need is money, so they can hire staff and
hit financial freedom, but it doesn't work that way.

I'd say the wife and kids keep me rooted somewhere because the relationship is
the same. The ideal is Melinda Gates or Sharon Osbourne. The one who straight
up will tell you your idea is wrong when you're surrounded by yes-men, now
take out the trash. But also support you when you're messed up. And a lot of
rockstar kids keep their parents rooted - a two year old will throw a tantrum
no matter what, and to paraphrase Liz Tyler, she doesn't know what's different
about being a rockstar kid because she never had any other dads. Internet and
multiplayer games are nice too because nobody knows who you are.

Spirituality also helps to deal with this. Buddha and Muhammad were already
incredibly wealthy. Both found different paths.

------
ohiovr
I maintain contact with my oldest brother on a daily basis that helps me a
lot.

~~~
ushakov
I connect with my grandparents every day too, but they can't really support me
as much. They come from a very different time and place...

------
johndoecat
Elon, is that you?

