
Twelve LaTeX packages to get your paper accepted (2017) - azhenley
https://andreas-zeller.blogspot.com/2017/01/twelve-latex-packages-to-get-your-paper.html
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leemailll
Caution: if you can’t figure out this is a joke, your academic career is in
jeopardy; if you can’t nod on a few, your academic career is in jeopardy

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bakuninsbart
Reading the first package: I really need this. Reading the second package: Wow
this is amazing, but slightly implausible. Reading the third package: Ah fuck.

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waynecochran
My eyes were getting wider until package 4 — then I realized the joke. I was
trying to figure out what DB autocite scanned…

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parsimo2010
The best part of the joke is that this is somewhat plausible. It would be
relatively simple to write a package that threw in a “nocite” of your
leadership’s key papers so they show up in the references even if you don’t
cite them in your paper.

The translate package could be implemented with Google Translate or similar.
The INTERCAL language required saying “please” in your code, something similar
could be done for the boast package. I bet someone sufficiently motivated
could make a decent stab at most of these, except for the award and accept
packages. Some might require a few config options though.

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grenoire
Translate was the one that threw me off immediately, and then I caught on the
joke. To my knowledge, you cannot make HTTP requests with LaTeX (maybe some
processor has commands to do so, alas I don't know of any).

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trombonechamp
You should be able to do this with \write18.

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dhosek
I actually wrote code for the autofit. Didn't do multiple pages, but it would
adjust the size of a text to fit it into a given space (it was for printing
chemical bottle labels). That was a fun project. I had a customized font set
made by Bitstream for setting the Japanese text (this was years before Unicode
was a viable thing, so we were encoding non-Latin scripts using SJIS) and had
to go through a couple hundred pages of character tables to verify that we
didn't have any coding errors when we switched to that font from the free
bitmapped font we had previously.

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mkettn
These packages are already implemented in emacs.

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BlackRing
You'll also want this to give it a bit of that "used/read" feel:
[http://hanno-rein.de/archives/349](http://hanno-rein.de/archives/349)

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yesenadam
"It adds a coffee stain to your documents. A lot of time can be saved by
printing stains directly on the page rather than adding it manually."

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zerogvt
Where is the {makemyresultsreproducible} package?

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EvgeniyZh
You don't need it to publish

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imurray
A tool that did something like #1:

[https://web.archive.org/web/20080705135647/http://www.jmlg.o...](https://web.archive.org/web/20080705135647/http://www.jmlg.org/pssq_postscript_squish.htm)

A small number of old NIPS (now NeurIPS) papers may even have used it.

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ulises314
So that's why TeX needs to be Turing complete.

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Hitton
I suspect that something like _coauthors_ package could actually work.

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smitty1e
#6 was written by Udo Dirkschneider.

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mhd
The only solution when your submission deadline's got your balls to the wall,
man.

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kleer001
ha

