

Responding to Criticism - freerobby
http://rob.by/2011/responding-to-criticism

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Nycto
In theatre, we have a maxim: "Take the note."

The rehearsal process is short, maybe a month max for straight plays. Once you
get past the grind of blocking and memorization, the director doesn't have
much time to shape and mold things to make the show fit their vision. Which
means that actors have to swallow their insecurities (of which actors
notoriously have many) and incorporate everything they're given. Fast. It's an
exercise in feedback loops at break-neck speeds. And believe me, directors
don't like giving the same note twice.

What I'm getting to here is that feedback has become a social event in
theatre. I don't mean that there is pizza and noise makers, just that it's
done as a group. Every night after a run through, the entire cast will sit
down for however long it takes and go through the director's notes -- of which
there will be many pages. Given the timeline, there is no time for debate. If
you start a discussion with the director, you are wasting their time, as well
as the time of all your cast members (who are on the clock). It doesn't matter
if your feelings are hurt, or if you have some lame excuse -- at that moment,
you're always wrong and the direct is always right. And the only thing going
through everyone else's head is, "Take the note." There isn't a single actor
in the world who wants to work with someone that can't take criticism.

The real rub is that all of these opinions are completely subjective, yet
deeply personal. Because that's art. Ultimately, you just have to know your
shit and be willing to think on your feet. In you're spare time, study what
you're given and think about _actual_ ways you can incorporate it. The big
realization is that it's collaborative art. Everyone is working together and
NEEDS to be willing to work towards the same goal. If you don't, you're the
bad apple. Directors will simply stop casting you.

I don't know that any of this can be incorporated into the tech world. Maybe
this is how we should do code reviews or design meetings. Or run startups.
Heck if I know. But it's not something I've personally encountered in any
other social groups so far.

~~~
felipe
This is fascinating, thanks for sharing. Maybe the "take the note" equivalent
in tech is the acceptance test in an iterative development model.

One question: In theatre, does it work the other way around too? That is, do
actors also criticize the director?

~~~
Nycto
If an actor disagrees with the director's note, the rule is to try it once and
see how it goes. Once you've done that, you can toss out additional ideas or
expand on it, but you have to at least do it once.

If the actor simply wants to give the director or other actors general notes
that they aren't immediately involved in, the answer is "no way." The director
was hired to shape the overall vision of the show. However, that's not to say
that they are infallible. Good directors will generally ask people they trust
to come in and watch the show and give feedback. The Artistic Director (the
director's boss) will also usually give feedback.

And ultimately, directors get reputations. Actors can choose who they want to
work with and theatre communities are small. Just a few months back I watched
a director get fired and completely ostracized because she was downright mean
when it came to giving feedback. She would use insults and fear to control
actors. I doubt she will ever work in this area again.

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benreyes
Being able to take criticism, filter and apply it correctly is a definite
skill.

If you are getting criticism from a coach, teacher, mentor or customers it's a
good thing because if they aren't giving criticism then they've already given
up on you.

Having been to a theatre/performing school for a bit as a kid. They would tell
like a 10 year old that they sucked and how they could improve. The kid starts
breaking down with visible tears, it's then explained that it's professional
criticism. You end up building that skin, and you continue to keep
progressing.

But there's a flip side to it. Criticism is often affected by a filter or lens
that the other person sees through, by their past experiences, pattern
recognition and world view. So you have to take that into consideration. You
can be driven off path by taking everyones criticism. Here is a good quote
from Jeff Bazos:

 _"Think Long Term - On feedback and being misunderstood: If we think we are
right, then we continue. If we are criticized for something we think we’re
wrong on, we change it, we fix it. It’s really important to think about this
things, but never to buckle to standard kind of pressure that forces really
short term kind of thinking. It’s a competitive advantage to think long
term."_

\- Jeff Bazos

There is not a single way or method to climb a mountain. But you'd be crazy if
you didn't take the advise and criticism of others that have gone there in the
past or have a deep understanding of the area.

But my personal view is that criticism should never be taken negatively.

~~~
dkarl
_Having been to a theatre/performing school for a bit as a kid. They would
tell like a 10 year old that they sucked and how they could improve. The kid
starts breaking down with visible tears, it's then explained that it's
professional criticism. You end up building that skin, and you continue to
keep progressing._

That's a wonderful thing to teach. It's too bad we only allow it in
competitive extracurriculars (I learned it in youth sports) and never in the
classroom. It's being driven out of sports in some places -- my dad is a
Little League buff and has observed that the Little League culture in the town
where my parents spend their summers is completely "supportive," as opposed to
the youth sports culture he and I grew up with, which was pretty friendly
(there were some "screamer" coaches, but I never had one) but definitely
critical and competitive.

So I grew up knowing how to take criticism, but I also learned that people do
not give criticism in any context other than training competitors who had
voluntarily signed up for a competitive activity. In any other context,
criticism meant personal hostility or a drastic message that you didn't belong
or did not have what it takes to succeed. I loved playing sports and happily
took a lot of criticism (I wasn't that great at any sport I played) but I felt
personally attacked and humiliated when I got any other kind of criticism,
because that's what I was taught it meant.

~~~
thomasgerbe
"It's too bad we only allow it in competitive extracurriculars (I learned it
in youth sports) and never in the classroom."

Art class was actually pretty brutal, especially from other students. Even
worse in Design School where everyone is extra competitive and discerning.

I think it totally depends on what you study.

------
brudgers
Giving criticism is a skill as well - or rather providing an assessment is an
important skill. An assessment which doesn't point out what the person is
doing right is less productive than one which does because it doesn't provide
a access to the type comprehensive picture which skill mastery requires.
Telling people what they should not change is as important as telling them
what they should change.

~~~
pigbucket
Saying what works as part of your criticism is also a pragmatic way to make
the recipient receptive to your negative criticism. A friend of mine who is a
professor uses what he calls the sandwich theory of essay criticism: Say
something nice. Say the critical stuff. Say something nice. The tough and
bitter meat is in the middle, and the bread makes it palatable. I’ve just
taken over a peer-review essay site and added a feature (expert reviews) that
has come to dominate what the site does. Although the reviews we have started
offering are not scathing, they are detailed and very critical. My hope, of
course, is that they are very useful, but some students who submit essays for
review will find their writing dissected and examined to an extent they have
never experienced before. And it’s in public. I expect that it may for some be
an overwhelming or even harrowing experience, and reading this post and the
comments makes me appreciative of the courage of those who submit their essays
for such criticism.

~~~
somebear
Yes, the shit sandwich, as one trainer I had called it. If you have someone
who uses the sandwich, each time he says something nice you start bracing
yourself for the shit that follows. Personally, I believe you should be up-
front about criticism, but be aware of how it will affect the other party.
There's lots and lots written about this, so I won't trudge through it again,
but keeping non-confrontational language focussing on the thing that is wrong
rather than "you did it wrong" is usually better.

Like the previous commenter said, it is difficult, but the shit sandwich is
not always the way to go, especially not if giving feedback to me.

~~~
carols10cents
Actually, Dr. Chris Nass (author of The Man Who Lied to his Laptop [1]) claims
that people's memory of what is said after criticism is much better than what
is said before criticism, so you should start with small praise, then
criticism, then end with a larger amount of specific praise. He talks about it
a bit in a Science Friday interview [2] and apparently more in the book.

[1] - [http://www.amazon.com/Man-Who-Lied-Laptop-
Relationships/dp/B...](http://www.amazon.com/Man-Who-Lied-Laptop-
Relationships/dp/B004J8HY8K/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1305724647&sr=8-1)

[2] -
[http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1296297...](http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129629756)

------
jhermsmeyer
It's also important to surround yourself with people who will engage in a
conversation about the criticism they give, not just those who simply give it
and walk away. I don't think anyone who is a leader or who aspires to be one
takes any criticism without questioning it first.

The trick on the receiving end is to not be defensive, be open to the valuable
portions of the feedback, and to call out people on ad hominem statements that
have no place in a constructive relationship.

Finally _all_ criticism should serve a business purpose, not a personal one.
The person leveling the critique should be able to justify it in those terms
in a clear, genial and convincing manner if they really want to effect change.

~~~
dkarl
_all criticism should serve a business purpose_

That's an awfully narrow purpose for giving criticism; not all of life takes
place at the office. (I actually get what you're saying, but a slip of the
tongue like that in different company, say with a significant other or a
child, can leave you looking like a cold and uncaring bastard. Just a friendly
heads-up ;-)

~~~
jhermsmeyer
10-4. Hopefully clearly meant in the context of startup culture. Just feel
there should be a clear separation between biz and personal issues criticism
in the work environment.

Save the "why don't you ever do the dishes? Is it because you don't care about
me?" critiques for the significant others. :-)

------
SeoxyS
As a student at San Francisco's top design school, critiques has become a huge
part of school. Every day involves at least one class critique, and it's not
uncommon for student to solicit extra critiques from their peers and teachers.
A big part of our grade is based on how we do during formal critiques, how we
integrate feedback, and the quality of the feedback we give others.

After two years of this, I have become much more resilient when it comes to
getting feedback. You can tell me anything, I won't take it personally.
However, the feedback I give has become harsher, and outside of the school
context (especially at work—I'm a developer at a startup) I sometimes fear I
may be putting people off by being so honest. I do my best to be as
constructive as possible, though.

~~~
saraid216
I've always been put off by people who are passively aggressive in calling
their criticism "honest" or "hard truths". It just means they don't understand
how to communicate well or induce change and are too lazy to deal with it.

~~~
CodeMage
As one of the people who likes being honest, I've always been put off by
people who can't handle it if I call a spade a spade. As long as my criticism
is constructive, I shouldn't be forced to beat around the bush. When I offer
you constructive criticism, I'm offering you what I believe is a way to
improve some aspect of yourself and/or your work. You should be in charge in
your own improvement. Asking me to "induce change" in you means you won't take
responsibility and expect me to do your work for you.

~~~
saraid216
I'm not asking you to induce change in me. But if you're going to take the
time to give criticism, why be ineffective about it? Calling your
ineffectiveness "honesty" is stupid, self-righteous, incompetent, useless, and
pointless. If you're not making changes with your words, shut up.

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rojoca
Taking it a bit further it's often useful to invite criticism. Next time you
show off your latest prototype instead of asking "What do you think?" ask
"What do you hate about this?". Sometimes your peers are reluctant to
criticize; make them feel comfortable to do so.

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wccrawford
I used to be that person that can't take criticism and blows up whenever he's
challenged on something.

I wish I knew what happened, but I'm now the person who wants criticism so
that he knows how he can improve himself. It still hurts my feelings a little,
but that's totally drowned out by the new mission created for bettering
myself. (Of course, that assumes the criticism is valid. It's not always. In
that case I just contain my anger and file the advice away in case I keep
hearing it over and over. If I do, that means it wasn't something to ignore
after all.)

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ujjvala
Criticism with settled conclusions should be the way of a debate.

