

We’re Shutting Down and I’m Scared – The Aftermath - nciske
http://startupsanonymous.com/story/were-shutting-down-and-im-scared-the-aftermath/
Between here and Hacker News, it took me two days just to go through all of the awesome words of wisdom and support. I read everything — three times. I even read those of you who told me to “quit whining” and to “man up”. Thank you, ALL, for your support.<p>I’m not yet ready to reveal my company or name, I may never be. But, for all of you who offered your advice, I want to at least share with you how things turned out.
======
mikeleeorg
I'd like to share a story of a sushi restaurant owner that I know. I was a
bartender there, many, many years ago.

This restaurant owner came from Japan with his wife when they were in their
twenties. They both spoke limited English and settled down in a part of New
York that is predominantly Caucasian. For many years, he worked as a
dishwasher while saving up diligently.

When he saved up enough money, he entered into a partnership with 2 others to
open up a restaurant. One of the partners screwed the other two and he had to
declare bankruptcy.

He went back to being a dishwasher, then later a cook, as he saved up money
again. Finally, he had a chance to purchase a hole-in-the-wall restaurant that
he thought he could improve. Unfortunately, that one also failed. And he
declared bankruptcy for a second time.

That still didn't deter him. He worked again, saved up again, and opened up
his third restaurant, a sushi restaurant. And for him, the third time was the
charm.

This one became a success. It grew to 3 locations total. Every morning, he
drove for hours to the fish market at 4am to select the best fish, then
transported it to his restaurants in the back of his truck. He still has that
truck. We all called it his "fishmobile" because it stunk of fish like you
wouldn't believe.

He didn't reach this success until his 50s. Through it all, his wife was
amazingly supportive. She worked alongside him in these restaurants too. They
are retired now. He shared his story with me when I told him I was starting a
business of my own.

I can't imagine having to lose so much, but in his perspective, he started out
with nothing, so it wasn't that painful to return to nothing. I'm not saying I
would want to do this with my wife and daughter, but hearing his story
definitely gave me perspective.

~~~
unclebucknasty
Thanks for sharing.

There's a certain "thing" I've found in some people.

This thing is an abiding, unquestioning (or nearly so) drive. They are very
matter-of-fact and don't appear to spend a lot of time questioning "why me?"
or reaffirming to themselves that life is difficult. They just...do. And they
keep on doing. Whatever needs to be done. I'm not saying that it's easy for
them. But, they seem to naturally possess a certain focus and efficiency about
life and their objectives. In so approaching life, I think they tend to
manifest more.

This may run somewhat along cultural lines, but I've seen it in various
people, including my own family members in previous generations. They put
their noses to the grindstone through very difficult times and never looked up
until they achieved their goals. I sincerely do not recall hearing them
complain. Ever.

I've often thought that I would do well to be more like them; spending less
time in "meta"-mode engaged in a running mental commentary about what I'm
doing, and more time just doing.

------
taybin
I'm glad to hear to you are in a better mental space.

"For two days, I tried to find the right time to tell her. I kept finding
reasons to wait. Finally, on the third morning, I said “we need to talk”.
Apparently, those four words mean something else entirely to women, which kind
of worked in my favor. Having said that, it also set the wrong tone for the
discussion, so I’d would advise others against that approach."

As a married man, this made me laugh.

~~~
PeterWhittaker
Me too! That is, after the image of exploding doom that I pictured in her head
had faded away....

My first reaction was "oh god you didn't, son...".

Two genders separated by a common language....

------
zaidf
_Many, I’ve had personal discussions with this week. Most were supportive, a
few, not so much._

Curious - what does an unsupportive investor look like in these moments? Do
they throw a fit? Act passive/aggressively? Badmouth you?

Honestly I'm a bit bummed to read this. I assumed that in these moments
investors are almost universally supportive or at least understanding.

------
carsongross
"As much as I understand that they’re all professional investors, I still
can’t help but feel a personal responsibility to them."

Dude. You went all in and are now broke. You _were_ responsible to them.

Don't spend one remaining second of your life feeling bad about that shit.

------
exelius
[quote]I’m never going to wear this failure as a badge of honor, but I’ve
begun to see that this isn’t as devastating as it felt last week.[/quote]

Why not? The fact that you tried and failed means that you learned something
-- which makes you a better founder than someone who has neither tried nor
failed. This experience will make you a better founder next time you try.

~~~
TDL
We don't need to revel & celebrate failure, we just need to learn from it and
not stigmatize it.

~~~
wpietri
I think celebrating it is the natural counter to the prevalent stigma.

At least for myself, I'm not really celebrating the failure, I'm celebrating
the bravery that led to them trying, the strength that it took to persist, and
the honesty it took to admit and own the failure.

But failure sucks, so I think it's worth being unsubtle and countering the
feeling of failure with something that feels pretty positive.

------
incision
_> "I committed to my wife that I would find employment, rather than chasing
another dream — at least for now."_

Sounds like the author hasn't entirely bought into that notion.

Anecdotally, each person I've know who did this - put their dream on hold
_for_ their spouse as opposed to fully accepting the idea themselves - ended
up extremely bitter about it.

~~~
georgemcbay
I can understand how people might grow bitter in the situation where they put
their "dream on hold" because their spouse was afraid of dealing with the
unknown, but if you already tried making a go of your dream and it failed and
you are now in significant debt, putting your dream on hold and taking regular
employment is the _only_ sane option, so in OP's case, I don't see how this
could manifest itself in bitterness towards his spouse unless he is insane.

------
cperciva
_We don’t believe that we signed for anything personally, but who knows._

This sentence bothers me. How is it possible to not know if you're personally
responsible for debts?

~~~
gstar
It's their duty to, though I think I understand.

I've taken some (calculated) risks quickly so as to avoid hand-wringing over
details. Not so big as understanding if I'm personally liable for something,
but I could easily believe people building a fast growing startup would.

------
frenchman_in_ny
1) "Investors have been contacted. [...] they’re all professional investors, I
still can’t help but feel a personal responsibility to them." 2) "Our debt is
still a concern. We’ve contacted an attorney to properly handle this, but I’m
still unsure of how this will all turn out. We don’t believe that we signed
for anything personally, but who knows. All previous employees have been paid,
it’s just creditors that concerns me."

On both counts[0], I would say don't worry about it. There's significant
asymmetry in the debt-vs-debtor relationship [1] and you should feel about as
much personal responsibility to them as they have to you -- ie, none. For both
equity holders and debt holders, they are compensated for the risk they take.
They will prey on your feelings of personal responsibility to try to get you
to repay them, but if you've filed for bankruptcy and tied things up neatly
(I'm not a lawyer), then you should walk away cleanly.

Note that I'm not saying "screw your equity and debt holders", I'm just saying
that once the entity(ies) in which equity and debt was held has folded, you
need to walk away.

[0] Excluding if you signed personally for debts [1] See: housing crash

------
yuhong
_I’m not yet ready to reveal my company or name, I may never be._

In the long term, I am for fixing such problems if possible, of course. This
reminds me of
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7186407](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7186407)

------
joshmlewis
Totally different tone than last week. I'm glad to see you are looking up.
I've learned that with most bad news, in the moment it seems like there is no
hope, but with time, patience, and being honest with yourself it gets better.

------
giantrobothead
It's not the failure that matters in the long run, but what you take from the
experience to respond to it.

Good luck.

