

Startup Therapy: How to deal with feeling like you live a lie? - suicidebunny

Things are supposed to be going great right now for me. My startup is making progress, secured some funding. Won a few prizes. The code is coming along nicely.<p>But my private life is an utter disaster. I'm in debt. I'm neglecting my family. I'm alienated from my friends. Besides my startup I'm doing none of the things I want to do.<p>What helped <i>you</i> get through moments like this?
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mikeleeorg
I found finding a supportive, compassionate community a great comfort. For me,
that meant finding & making friends with people in a similar situation as
mine, going out for coffee, lunch or dinner with them every so often (~2-6
times a week), and using them for support when the roller coaster was dipping
fast.

Of course, finding such a support system is easier said than done. I was
fortunate that many of my former coworkers were in similar situations, so I
just reached out to them. I haven't had as much luck in meetups and
conferences, but perhaps you may. Friends of friends were sometimes a good
source too - whenever I heard that such a 2nd degree connection was also an
entrepreneur, I'd invite them out for a casual coffee and make sure they knew
I wasn't out to get anything from them, apart from meeting fellow
entrepreneurs and perhaps finding a sounding board. A few worked out, most
didn't though.

I should add that I personally find great comfort in being able to help others
too. So in reaching out to these people, I sometimes found myself helping them
as much as I was being helped - and that reciprocal relationship was what
really made it work, IMO.

Another idea: See if you can rebalance your life to include more of your
family and friends again. I know that's not always easy in a startup with
insane deadlines, but you can start small. Put aside one day a week for family
& friends. Or even one meal a week. And make sure you stick to that schedule
too.

Debt is another matter, unfortunately. It took a lot of financial discipline
to work down my debt, but after several years, it happened.

Hang in there. You're not alone. There's a huge community of entrepreneurs
riding the same roller coaster. (One friend told me it's like being manic-
depressive; I totally agree.) I hope this helps.

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blackboxxx
I am going through what you describe right now.

Here is what I am doing:

\- brainwashing myself. I am reading positive books like Peaks and Valleys by
Spencer Johnson and The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino. I didn't
have the time so I made the time. Everyday.

\- I am reaching out to my family members and pushing away from work.

\- I am enjoying the sunshine and trying to laugh more. Both are free.

\- I have spoken to my accountant and the tax man about dealing with some of
my debts. There are other debts I don't know how to deal with, so I don't
worry about it.

\- I am learning a new language. It's another way to change my thinking. This
post explains the idea behind it: [http://dreaminespanol.com/spanish-
lifehacks/eradicate-bad-me...](http://dreaminespanol.com/spanish-
lifehacks/eradicate-bad-memories-learning-language/)

If you ever catch yourself hating life or yourself, you must stop. It's a
downward spiral and completely toxic. Take corrective action now.

Start your life over again. You can. That's why we have a new day every 24
hours. Start over as many times as you need to to get it right.

~~~
suicidebunny
I like 'trying to laugh more' ... now I think of it: I used to force myself to
put a big artificial grin on my face when doing sports. I was into fairly
competitive / dangerous sports & just putting on a stupid grin made me perform
better.

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salemh
Set a schedule weekly in advance of MUSTS, then, your (realistic) breaks:
personal, friends, and family. Then fill in the rest (even if it needs to be
"flexible" with duties).

Helped me when I ran a (non tech) small business at 90 hours a week, planning
out every 15 minutes from 6:00 am - 10:00 pm.

Eventually I burnt out and had a nervous breakdown, so be careful with
allotting yourself that personal time. Their is a reason I believe it to be
priority #2 outside of the MUSTS or those items which cannot be changed in
your schedule.

Look at outsourcing the mundane, hiring for what you can, and learning to
delegate (if relevant). Most people are horrid at delegation and that will
become an incredible boon for you in the future.

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nreece
While it may seem difficult and lonely at the moment, do remember that your
happiness is in your own hands. If you are not able to do the things you want
to do, then maybe you should "start" doing things you want to do. Do small but
exciting things each day. The key here is to seriously ponder over maintaining
a fair work life balance.

Take some small steps and make some time for your friends and family. Cut down
on activities that you think are a waste of your time (like commute, TV,
excessive browsing, shopping etc). If you make room in your daily schedule for
things which are equally important, you'll slowly start to see that your mood
and attitude towards things will improve. And finally, always look ahead. Past
is past.

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suicidebunny
Thanks for all the comments. These are the steps I am going to take to change
myself:

1) Keep a weekly schedule as suggested by salemh, including 'off-time' &
'force-yourself-to-reconnect' time

2) Work off my debt. One $ at a time. And YOU can help!

Check out this link & tell me if it's a good idea or if I'm nuts. If you like
it, spread it!:

[https://spreadsheets.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey...](https://spreadsheets.google.com/spreadsheet/viewform?formkey=dFlIVzc5Z29hcTdVQ0ZzU3RQYUVIakE6MQ)

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hagyma
Where's the lie here?

I assume you collected some debt while you pushed your startup instead of
everything else. You should start pay it off immediately! If you just pay $10
now, let's do it and keep doing it as you can. No amount is to low!

From friends and family... you can't really be alienated, they just welcome
you back anytime. :)

My mom still rings me a few times a day ( waaaaaaa ) and I'm usually unable to
pick up, so... I just call her back... today... or... tomorrow. ;)

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khakimov
Same things (startups, money, lovely wife, kitten) with one exception - I've
just moved to LA from Russia and it looks like restart life. No friends, no
support, bad english and deep digging into my head/soul/purpose alone at
Starbucks ;)

Don't worry, maybe it will be a new pivot in your life.

ps: ocean, workout, surfing, cycling, interesting podcasts and books work very
well for me.

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actionbrandon
workout some. helps me clear my thoughts when im feeling shitty. and im not a
jock, and i hate working out. I've been doing it everyday for a month now
after deciding to make time for it and its make a huge difference.

with a clearer mind and more energy you will probably realize your situation
doesn't suck so bad and think of ways to solve it.

