

Whiner Jerkins All Hands Meeting Powerpoint Revealed - JRM
http://mattmaroon.com/?p=539

======
ChaitanyaSai
Hilarious. Someone should do one about how the Web 2.0 denizens would go about
with their life in a Depression. Tweeting from the government food lines,
posting pictures of the day's crappy dished-out gruel on Flickr, posting
Facebook updates of their hunger pangs and the number of pounds lost...quite a
few possibilities.

~~~
fallentimes
Scoble?

~~~
unalone
He'd trim down the RSS feeds from 600 to 550.

------
tdavis
Although I hold the title for most hilarious Keynote presentation, that was
without a doubt the most amazing Powerpoint presentation ever devised by man.

Amazing. Matt, have my babies. We'll work out the logistics.

~~~
fallentimes
You do? When? Love, Your Cofounder.

P.S. If you mean the 2nd day of YC Demo Days in Cali, it's not a fair
comparison because we didn't use powerpoint.

~~~
tdavis
It was a training refresher on advanced cover tactics in urban combat. I had
people in tears. My NCOIC ordered me to convert it to Powerpoint so he could
use it, hahaha.

P.S. I wouldn't really have a place taking any credit for the laughs at our
demos... I was laughing too since I had no idea what you were going to say.

~~~
unalone
Any chance of this being available for preview?

~~~
tdavis
Unfortunately it requires a security clearance to view :\

When I left that country I didn't even have anything I could legally store it
on so I don't even have it anymore. Because that would be a felony. And I
never commit felonies. Or something.

~~~
unalone
Understood. I wouldn't want you becoming a criminal. Or at least, not over
that.

------
abstractbill
This is what it looks like to me: <http://abstractnonsense.com/mm-slides.png>

I can't find a "download" button.

 _You’ll probably want to full screen it._

Fullscreen mode is disabled. You probably need something like
_allowfullscreen="true"_ in your embed code.

Am I missing a joke? Or is it just broken?

~~~
adnam
[http://www.docstoc.com/docs/1857261/Whiner-Jerkins-All-
Hands...](http://www.docstoc.com/docs/1857261/Whiner-Jerkins-All-Hands-101308)

~~~
ardit33
Thanks for the link. Very funny.

------
SwellJoe
Fact check: GOOG still has tons of cash. There's still a chance to get
acquired by them!

------
unalone
Excellent. I'm not an MM fan, but this one made me chortle.

For a while too long, I thought Whiner Jerkins sounded like a real company, so
I didn't click this link. Fool me once...

~~~
mattmaroon
How can you not be an MM fan? That guy is great. :)

~~~
unalone
I dunno. The third-person complimentary stuff he gets up to sometimes gets to
be too much. :/

EDIT: No? No jokes today? I'm sorry.

------
jcapote
Just get it here: [http://www.docstoc.com/docs/1857261/Whiner-Jerkins-All-
Hands...](http://www.docstoc.com/docs/1857261/Whiner-Jerkins-All-Hands-101308)

It's flippin' hilarious

------
mattmaroon
Sorry, it was working last night. Anyway, it's fixed now.

------
qhoxie
Funny but also really solid commentary on the past and present. I have been
amazed for years at the practices of some investors and founders. This sums
things up very nicely.

------
emmett
"Preview mode disabled" - that is pretty horrible.

~~~
mattmaroon
Accident. Fixed.

------
zandorg
A great take on the VC market, Kleiner Perkins I assume. Stuff moves so fast
on the Web - it's just 2 years ago that I wanted to sell to Google, and now
that's no longer an option. But I have other ideas up my sleeve which don't
require Google acquiring them.

------
MicahWedemeyer
Maybe the slides should be re-posted on scribd. Or maybe that would be just
too ironic...

~~~
mattmaroon
It wasn't docstoc's fault, it was mine. But yeah, I shoulda used scribd. For
some reason it just totally slipped my mind. I saw the Sequoia one on docstoc
and just used it.

------
profgubler
Thanks for the laugh. It is great to laugh at some of the silliness in
investing. It helps keep everyone in check.

------
ovi256
Great work matt. You nailed just the right tone. I believed it was real right
about until the end.

------
hooande
funniest power point ever

------
edw519
_Cutting out an employee with $100k in salary is just as good as increasing
revenues by $100k._

Only if your margins are 100%.

If your margins are 10% then cutting out that employee is just as good as
increasing revenues by $1 million.

Food for thought before _any_ new hire.

~~~
raganwald
In other words, _Cutting out an employee with $100k in salary is just as good
as increasing_ __net ___revenues by $100k._

------
rwebb
pretty juvenile IMO. great bridge burning though. nailed that part.

~~~
raganwald
I give VCs and startup founders more credit than you do. If I met someone who
blackballed Matt on the basis of a satire like this, I would wonder why they
were being so insecure and/or vindictive.

That being said, hang on a moment (waits 60s). Funny, no calls from VCs. I
wonder if it was this:

[http://weblog.raganwald.com/2007/04/venture-capitalist-
passe...](http://weblog.raganwald.com/2007/04/venture-capitalist-passes-
away.html)

Seriously, the people I know (probably many fewer than everyone else) are the
types to laugh hardest at this stuff. I recall meeting with an investment
banking boutique about writing valuation models for them. The partner told me
that before getting to work I had to familiarize myself with the Code of
Ethics for his profession. He handed me a heavy tome.

I opened it, to find... blank pages! He laughed heartily. I can't see that guy
spitting on Matt's shadow as they pass in the street.

~~~
rwebb
matt's post pisses on people who hold a lot of clout within the industry in
which he operates for no reason other than to get traffic to his blog. this
seems shortsighted to me. maybe i'm wrong. let alone the fact that sequoia is
the firm that put out the deck while kleiner is the only VC that has openly
eschewed web 2.0 investments. they have been investing in energy and mobile
while others put money into the seesmics. kleiner won't even listen to pitches
from 99% of web companies even if they have a solid introduction. but matt
decided to take a very public piss on them. it's a very small world. and the
difference in tone within the comments on this thread vs. the "sequoia:
armchair quarterbacks" is laughable.

~~~
raganwald
Let's agree to disagree. You read a post where he pisses on people, I read a
satire where he "takes the mick out of people." You perceive that his
motivation is linkbaiting/trolling, it didn't occur to me to even consider his
motivation one way or the other.

I will say this, though: According to my personal values, if he is wronging
people, it ought to be wrong regardless of whether he is wronging the rich and
powerful or wronging the poor and helpless.

Which is not to say that he wouldn't be burning bridges, but if I were to feel
that he was wrong to publish this, I would feel that way on the basis of
deciding that he was being mean or petty or spiteful or hurtful.

I guess I just don't see the people he is satirizing as perceiving themselves
as being hurt by this deck. It could be a question of timing: I might feel
differently about the exact same post if it came at a time when VC's were
laying analysts off and we were treated to pictures of employees carrying
their personal effects to their cars.

~~~
rwebb
sounds good. to be clear, i don't think his piss is actually having an impact
and hurting anyone's feelings. more like he's pissing in the same spot where
he's planning to sit and eat lunch.

~~~
raganwald
Let's put it this way: If Matt is making a presentation to an investor one
day, one of the minions may raise their hand and ask him how he explains this
presentation.

Hopefully, Matt will turn their attention to the slide in his presentation
that talks about net revenues and EBDIC, then say smoothly, "Of course I
wasn't talking about you guys, you obviously invest in quality companies with
actual business models."

Such a conversation would probably go well.

------
petesmithy
great work matt

------
sabat
Frakking hilarious, and close enough to reality to be kinda scary.

