
Show HN: Probabilistically Generating HN Post Titles - gamegoblin
http://grantslatton.com/hngen/
======
gamegoblin
I was inspired by this comment
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6813162](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6813162)

I find that lookback of 2 generally creates more entertaining titles. Lookback
of 3 usually seems to just splice together two titles (which can be hilarious,
and is usually more grammatically correct), and lookback of 1 tends to
generate more nonsense.

Some fun ones I found just now:

    
    
        The Neuroscientist Who Discovered He Was a Teenage Hacker
    
        How my comment on TechCrunch got me a new, useful superpower?
    
        PHP Sucks But I Didn't
    
        Windows 8 is 20% faster than C
    
        The Navy’s newest warship is powered by WebGL
    
        Cards Against Humanity has made comments even worse, I'm leaving
    
        How Porsche hacked the financial system and made a html5 game, polished it many many times
    

Interestingly, if I change the code to pick the most likely word, followed by
the most likely word, etc. the "most probable" post is "The New York Times and
The Internet"

If I limit it to just 2013 posts, it is "The NSA surveillance".

My site is running on the smallest Digital Ocean droplet (512MB), if it goes
down, I will feel silly. If it does, code can be found here:
[https://gist.github.com/grantslatton/7694811](https://gist.github.com/grantslatton/7694811)

~~~
kr4
Couldn't resist from posting these:

-How Facebook is killing Linux on the desktop

-MongoDB Raises $150 Million - And Still Isn't Difficult Enough To Watch HBO Shows

-Facebook claims it can read your e-mail without a data plan

-I am depressed and I need someone to talk to restaurants.

-Ask PG: Will you share your data in plain English

-France convicts Google Maps for iOS

-Mars water surprise in Curiosity rover – I am depressed and I am building Tindie fulltime

-SPDY Review by Opera Software has filed a lawsuit

~~~
siddboots
-RSS Is Dying, and You Should Too

~~~
puzzlingcaptcha
This one is golden.

------
jiggy2011
That is literally hilarious. "Nobody’s going to download your bullshit app" ,
"HN will be retired, transition to Google Wallet Anti-Competitively" , "The
best interface is no retirement" , "Amazon's homepage was down for 6 hours to
boot Ubuntu" , "PHP Sucks But I Like PHP" , "Programming is a Lie" ,""Gangbang
Interviews" and "Bikini Shots": Silicon Valley’s Start-Up Machine" , "Ask HN:
What colour is your primary operating system" , "Chrome Engineer: Firefox Is A
Costly Mistake" , "CSS Zen Garden is 10 times more efficient than the New
Commodore 64" , "How one man escaped from a major UI overhaul" , "Turn
anything into a Wikipedia article" , "Women, Tech Conferences and the
"profitless business model" fallacy" , "MySQL now includes memcached, and a
manifesto" , "FuckItJS: Runs your javascript code with MS Paint" , "Iceland
Kicked Out of Y Combinator without an Idea" , "The shittiest project I ever
read", "From idea to exit – the vi editor"

~~~
drewhk
I hate myself for posting these, but I cannot resist (I am silently shaking
from laughter fighting hard not to wake up my newborn):

Show HN: Let's Be Civil (I think his was a real post but with Tell HN -- the
small change is hilarious)

Jordanian citizen was denied re-entry to the Post PC Era

Firefox now only has one big flaw

I feel I am a programmer

Web Intents - the future of spam in Windows

A new Python web framework for Haskell

~~~
drewhk
So hard to stop posting...

    
    
        When I Stopped Eating For 2 Years in Production
        How Github uses Github to build a windmill
        Ask HN: Who is Sick
        Apple's Role in Japan stopped having sex?
        Show HN: I love you, dad
        How to write shitty software
        Issue 224182 - chromium - Chrome wakes me up in the process
        Ember 101: Learn Ember at a Bangladesh sweatshop. Meet my 9-year-old boss [video]
        Google breaks 2005 promise never to implement an algorithm from a hacker.
        Who Rules America: An Investment Manager's View on the App Store
        Show HN: A fix for the past year.
        Richard Stallman: How I Hacked Facebook’s Secure Files Transfer Service for Employees
        LuaJit 2.0 is out after many years in prison
        Why should I have no idea what I'm doing
        Tell HN: Frustrated and feeling pretty useless at this moment’ – Jimmy Carter on NSA snooping [video]

~~~
verroq
>Ember 101: Learn Ember at a Bangladesh sweatshop. Meet my 9-year-old boss
[video]

Incredible.

------
frik

      Hiding Nobel prizes in plain English
      Have You Ever Tried to Sell My Camera on Craigslist
      Dear NSA, let me know if you're burnt out or just being lazy?
      Nexus 7, Made for Google Search History Before New Privacy Policy Takes Effect
      AngularJS Tutorial: Learn to read Korean in 15 minutes, fits in your browser into future
      How to Make Money -- Without Mining Asteroids
      Google paid AdBlock Plus to get $12 billion of gold to Venezuela
      Java Virtual Machine in pure CSS
      After NSA's XKeyscore, Wikipedia Switches to HTTPS Now, For Free
      US claims all .com and .net websites are in jail, 1 in 6   Easy Steps to a new syntactic feature to PHP
      What Business is Wall Street Journal
      Requests: HTTP for Humans, reached v1.0
      Why Putting SSH On Another Port is a straight-up Ponzi scheme
      Show HN: Pick a number from 1 to 10
      Tom Anderson: Google+ makes Google a better, more integrated set of small, responsive CSS modules
      Behind the scenes of the opportunists and their hackathons
      Apple not providing LGPL webkit source code released (Apple II assembly)
      Google open sources resilience engineering library
      Raspberry Pi now with Twitter's Bootstrap 2 ready for prime-time Jeopardy
      So you think you will hurt your fingers on your resume
      Callbacks are the doctor on the iPad - They Undesigned it
      4chan's Chris Poole: Facebook & Google founders may mine asteroids
      Dijkstra: “You will be built again"

~~~
drewhk

        Some People Can Run 18 Static Sites on a soaring eagle [video]
        Extracting Audio from Pictures of kittens for use as placeholders in your browser
        A Hacker's Replacement for Gmail users
        Too scared to write a Linux Server
        Stuxnet is now hosted on GitHub

~~~
sevenproxies
>A Hacker's Replacement for Gmail users

[http://dbpmail.net/essays/2013-06-29-hackers-replacement-
for...](http://dbpmail.net/essays/2013-06-29-hackers-replacement-for-
gmail.html)

    
    
        Show HN: I spent 2 years ago. I had no idea what that means.

------
DanBC
Turn it into a game. "Which of these is real? [A] vs [B]" give people ten
pairs of headlines and score them.

> _MongoDB Gotchas and How To Avoid Getting Fired From Your Own Company_

~~~
NathanWong
Just threw something together for this:
[http://botornot.nathan.ca/](http://botornot.nathan.ca/)

~~~
livestyle
Comments here -->
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6816346](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6816346)

------
Pxtl
I am honestly laughing to the point of tears.

\- I quit my job to personally email the first open source project

\- The 19-year-old jailed for the HN interface

\- Google to Sell your Company

\- Einstein's list of front end development resources

\- 4chan founder: Mark Zuckerberg married

\- Mozilla and Partners Prepare to Launch a 65Gbps DDoS, and How You Fix It

\- ORM is an idiot" (Update 3)

~~~
ricardobeat
So someone has finally been blamed for all these <table>s!

------
DigitalSea
This is the greatest thing I have seen on Hacker News in a very long time, and
I mean that. This is genius, the titles that it generates paint a pretty clear
trend of topics HN likes to discuss: The New York Times, failure, Go, PHP and
of course limited to 2013, the NSA.

Some of my favourites I've generated today include:

Living in a bubble

MIT is a Bing Affiliate Scam

My GF learned to be inflated in seconds

Hacker Who Helped Put Jazz Back in 1997 That Made Amazon a Gorilla

I Hope My Father Hated India

How you eat corn on the road to Starcraft

Tim O'Reilly: Really, Google is making a comeback due to harassment

Skype vulnerability allowing hijacking of an interview

Voyager 1 has been forked

Using prime numbers to make unlocking phones legal again passes 100,000
signatures

As a result of this app, I've seen my productivity drop by about 40% today,
because this is seriously addictive. I've got an idea for a tech satire site
and I am going to use this to generate post titles as inspiration for
articles.

------
BoppreH
Suggestion: filter the titles that are identical to real ones. Or maybe it was
part of the plan, demonstrating how they are indistinguishable.

    
    
        My deadly disease was just a website.
    
        IBM's "Watson" finally ready for preorder.
    
        TileMill — an application for making my daughter cry.
    
        "Anonymous" Hackers Take Down Megaupload Video
    
        Google finally has a natural, almost visceral aversion to complexity
    
        Syrian Internet Is a Hero
    
        IRS claims it does not compute
    
        Stripe raises $18 million from affiliate links on "Ad-Free" blog
    
        Why I use paper to wipe my butt every day.
    
        Apple not providing LGPL webkit source code 23 years later and you're still loving

~~~
gamegoblin
If you look at the code, I filter all titles that are substrings (including
identical) of real ones. Sometimes the Markov chain will simply add a single
word to it, though, so it gets through the filter. Any suggestions on how to
improve it?

~~~
sillysaurus2
The straightforward solution is: For each fake title, compute its Hamming
distance to every real title. Filter titles whose distances are very close to
real titles.

It's O(N^2), but if you write it in Python and run it with pypy, performance
may be acceptable. Maybe.

But I think this is a classic example of a Problem That Doesn't Matter. No
need to spend time solving it (unless you're having fun!)

------
fruchtose
LevelDB: a fast multiple-account Google Docs makes it personal... very
personal

Show HN: When is good time to cut the crap

Can Snowden be targeted using the Soundcloud API

MIT's artificial leaf is ten times more income from Android than from Windows
’95

Free online version of Apache HTTP Server released

What the smartest people do on the Moon

Sorry, this blog post is not non-linear

Supreme Court to allow Google to sue me into acquiring. Help

Lawsuit Filed To Prove Happy Birthday Is In The Middle Of A Terrible Blubble

Chrome now the most effective thing you did to improve Python for Pythonists

IBM to Acquire a Domain Name?

My husband is a JavaScript library for capturing input

Youporn.com is now MIT licensed

------
Pxtl
Man Survives Steve Ballmer’s Flying Chair To Build a Future Without Cars

Notch's 48-hour game: Prelude of the Libyan Rebels

Room Temperature Superconductivity Found in X.Org

Evernote Peek, The First Guitar That Anybody Can Play

How Carrots Became the new Nexus 5

US claims all .com and .net websites are in jail, the Internet café in
Zimbabwe

Harvard cracks DNA storage, crams 700 terabytes of data into a wireless
airplay speaker

Judge Orders U.S. to Release iOS Maps App Tonight

------
tbirdz

        My fellow geeks, we need to have a jobless future
    
        Did everybody see what just happened? The pendulum has swung.
    
        Do You Really Want to be a Programmer: A Short, Comprehensive, and Personal Summary
    
        Why I won't be your technical co-founder
    
        Killing the Internet to its knees
    
        Hacking the iPod: How I Earned A Lot More on Projects by Changing My Pricing Strategy
    
        YC S12 company refuses to pay for TextMate 2
    
        A Billion Dollars Isn’t Cool. You Know What’s Cool? Paid, Paid Vacation.
    
        Functional thinking: Why functional programming is on the edge, and so is he

------
Pxtl
Eclipse launches new language to cut the crap

Anatomy of a 5pm Bedtime

Man Walks into a stuffed toy

Extracting Audio from Pictures of kittens for use as Paypal in 5 days

Why Education Companies Do Not Emulate These Oppressive Nations

Dear Programmer, I have seen the future of spam in Windows

Do Things that suck in AngularJS

SpaceX wins $440M contract with NASA to develop exploits?

Google Deletes Last 7 Years Of YouTube Scalability Lessons In 30 Minutes

Objective-C in The Rain, Spray Yourself With This

Why Japanese Web Design is Horseshit

John Carmack: Thoughts on Go after writing 3 websites

The Horrible Future of Markdown

------
DanWaterworth

        Google Engineer: What I learned on a round-the-world yacht race
        Sleep is more important than your users?
        Ruby developers need to stop using Internet Explorer
        Tell HN: You said not to. So I quit my job and launch a startup
        I Up Vote Every 'Show HN' Post and You Should Be Very Worried
        Turn your browser into a notepad with one line of Ruby
        I don't know how to IE6

------
iagooar
I'm laughing out really loud:

* Understanding the code quality of the Fibonacci Sequence

* Dad hacks Donkey Kong for his defense

* Show HN: Built a Billion-Dollar Business and Still Gets Home By 5:30 PM

* Show HN: Tired of Being Tired

* Eulerian Video Magnification for Revealing Subtle Changes in Rails?

* Why Google Went Offline Today and a plugin that allows fast NoSQL-style access

* On Atwood's Please Don't Learn to read a sentence of Chinese kleptocracy

* Flashback trojan reportedly controls half a million Americans died and nobody noticed

* Why I left Google. What happened to all the female developers?

* How to land an airplane if you are logged in Gmail

* In emergency cases a passenger was selected and thrown out of the US

* Reddit admin: "If SOPA passes it would almost certainly mean the end of 2011

* Software Architecture cheat sheet for web forms

* How Porsche hacked the financial system and made a html5 game, polished it many many times

------
FiloSottile
Awesome.

> Jack Dorsey does 8 hours at Twitter, 8 hours at Twitter, 8 hours at Twitter,
> 8 hours at Twitter, 8 hours at Square daily

------
neuralk
Brilliant, hilarious, and either scarily accurate or perfect satire:

    
    
      Ask HN: I might be a spook
    
      Show HN: I'm tired of seeing
    
      Mark Cuban: If you want to get rich, stop being a fucking joker
    
      Google+ is now available as an alpha release (1991)
    
      Apple announces Mac OS X mouse annoyances

------
y-satellite
Funniest thing I've seen in a few days. Markov algorithms are underrated as
sources of hilarity.

    
    
      After 180 Websites, I'm Ready to Start the Rest of My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant

------
sean-duffy

      Canadians Just Became World's Biggest Problems
      Ask HN: How did you earn from your browser
      Experiments Show Gravity Is Not for Everybody
      Ask HN: How to seem good at math
      IBM develops 'instantaneous' memory, 100x faster than a Cup of Coffee

------
rext
-I'm an American and I want to watch the Olympics, live, from the United States Government by stealing .gov

-Chinese students and families fight for the right to sell your iOS app

-Chinese Hackers Infiltrate New York Times, manage to spend $40 million on its pay wall?

-Hit men, click whores, and paid apologists: Welcome to the United States

-Our security auditor is an idiot. How do I write a Web application in Python?

-Poll: Do you know where they are? I do.

Impressive. The last is a little ominous though.

------
DouweM
I just built a Chrome extension that randomly adds one of these to the Hacker
News and hckr news frontpages:
[https://github.com/DouweM/AlgoNews](https://github.com/DouweM/AlgoNews)

------
pmtarantino

        History made in under 1K of javascript

~~~
gamegoblin
This is by far my favorite. Inspecting the archive, it is a combination of

    
    
      History made in India: Govt agrees to anti-corruption bill

And one of the various javascript posts.

~~~
sologrrl
The one you quoted is a real title.

[http://www.informatica.md/node/77679](http://www.informatica.md/node/77679)

~~~
gamegoblin
I was responding to pmtarantino that his

    
    
      History made in under 1K of javascript

was made via a combination of the (real) post title

    
    
      History made in India: Govt agrees to anti-corruption bill

and the (real) post title "whatever in 1kb of javascript" (there are many
posts with that format of title).

------
kr4
How to land an airplane if you are logged in Gmail

Matt Damon: Edward Snowden did a great job translating LPTHW to Ruby

Dropbox Bug Can Permanently Lose Your Family

Mozilla should move Persona out of the plane (2004)

Sleep is more important than your users?

MongoDB Gotchas and How To Avoid Getting Fired From Your Own Company

~/.osx — a collection of well-written GPGPU programming tutorials

------
namenotrequired
Some of my favourites:

How to add a “person to blame” field to every site you visit

Larry Page to be forked

Why PHP Was a Political Prisoner at Birth in North Carolina in 1961

Why Explore Space? A 1970 Letter to sites with Twitter Bootstrap, jQuery UI or
pure jQuery

Peter Thiel: We’re in a Year

Developers are the most effective thing you did to improve Python for Go

Watch YC Startup with Paying Customers

------
mikkom
> The No. 1 Habit of Highly Effective Mediocre Entrepreneurs

> RIP Open Source releases on GitHub

> How I've Made 200,000$ in the browser

> Massive deposit of lithium found in bag attended US security conference
> before death (2012)

> Flash is dead. Long live Postgresql”

> Anonymous goes after Sony, makes it easy to do WYSIWG word processing

I love this site :-D

------
minciue
Wow. Thanks for this, I haven't had such a good laugh in a while. Here's what
I got:

    
    
      Hashify.me - store entire website content in the cloud
      Obama administration is still so offensive
      This Internet provider pledges to put man on Mars
      EFF: Apple Should Stand Up and Down the Ladder of Abstraction
      Video shot from the ground up.
      Drunk scientists pour wine on superconductors and make tons of money?"
      Dwarf Fortress: Ten hours with the TSA
      I’m tired of the Solar System
      37signals.com - Evolution of a working nuclear reactor
      IE11 to support wiretapping
      Ask HN: Google employees, why is G+ more important than food
      RSS Is Dying, and You Should Too

~~~
yourad_io
> Ask HN: Google employees, why is G+ more important than food

It must be sentient.

------
lazugod
\- Question for PG: Where do you work?

\- Things I Wish I Had Been Given

\- GIMP is Now a Self-Contained Native App for Mac OS X Mouse Annoyances

\- Why it is awesome to be inflated in seconds

\- Show HN: I really need your money

\- Why two spaces after a takedown?

\- I'd like to skydive through a mountain

\- Why I still don't contribute to an asshole

------
runj__

      Sleep is more useful than bash
    
      Changes to my career in magic
    
      The most difficult CEO skill: managing your own #dickbar
    
      Confused by lawsuit, Apple consumers switch to git
    
      Netflix to lose time and money

------
chrismorgan

      My GF learned to code in 3 months. This is what it's like to skydive through a thunderstorm
    

... the connection there is concerning.

    
    
      Bitcoin ruled illegal in North Carolina in 1961
    

Very impressive!

    
    
      Introducing BrowserID: A better Ruby REPL
    

And here I was, all along thinking it was something else.

    
    
      Static analysis of Steve Jobs To Take On The Nexus 7 is now feature complete for C++14
    

I knew C++14 was a broad-scoped language, but using the power of Steve Jobs to
tackle Android? Who'd 'a thunked it?

------
interstitial
I'm not laughing, I want to read these articles! Get to work and make your
magic robot compose the stories.

------
lsh
LuaJit 2.0 is out after many years in prison

The Day I Saw Van Gogh’s Genius in a single line of JavaScript

Are mass shootings really random events? A look at the performance of Google
Chrome

Chinese Hackers Infiltrate New York (Not Just At Toll Booths)

------
DouweM
I would love a Chrome extension that would randomly inject these into the
actual Hacker News front page, and which would then keep a tally of how often
I clicked the link and fell for it.

~~~
DouweM
And here it is:
[https://github.com/DouweM/AlgoNews](https://github.com/DouweM/AlgoNews)

------
namanyayg
This is amazing!

I got:

    
    
        The Dumbest Idea In The South is 129 Million Years Old
        Double Fine raises $1m in less than 600 bytes
        Show HN: Please discuss if it’s 1999
        The Student And Quadrupled My Zappos/Twilio hackathon     entry into the math
        Searching for all Who Changed My favorite bookmarked HN users
    

Also

    
    
        How Khan Academy is the Future of Education
        What it’s like to work for Google
    

I'm pretty sure these are actual titles (lookback = 3)

Thanks for the laugh :)

~~~
3pt14159
> Double Fine raises $1m in less than 600 bytes

That is amazing. It combines Kickstarter, a gaming company, a million dollars,
a boundary on time, a bait and switch of units, and an air of sass about how
they have yet to build ANYTHING.

------
wmf
"Show HN: I really need your money"

------
pitchups
The ones below seem very real and plausible:

Art of Funding a Startup - Bill Watterson, a cartoonist's advice

A better approach to analytics. Just capture everything

Interactive map of Linux kernel infringes on patents. Lawsuit avalanche to
follow.

Apparently Yelp has a natural, almost visceral aversion to complexi

Show HN: fontBomb - Stylishly destroy the web as we know it

Google+'s Real Goal is Mars

In China, the rich and powerful can hire body doubles to do damage control

Show HN: Hackershelf. Community curated collection of failed predictions

The Unintended Effects of Reading

------
bobbles
"Show HN: I hacked my microwave with a Raspberry Pi into a wireless airplay
speaker"

Classic

------
agibsonccc
<3 markov chains. I had to do something like this for a homework assignment a
long time ago. Here's mine:

PredictionIO – A Simple Explanation for Why HP Abandoned Palm

Obama said the NSA Over Data Collection

NSA collecting phone records for his defense How to Be Upside-Down

GMail: designer arrogance and the $580 Million Black Hole

Contains a New Type of Employee You Really Should Log Client-Side Errors

How to solve it

Google disables AdSense account of Coinpal shut down a product? Open source
dynamic body physics engine rebuilt in 25KB—on a graphing calculator

Google to acquire Nokia

Serving at the Pleasure of the plot

Watch YC Startup with Paying Customers

A Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of the storm we're pushing the
YC application deadline back to Firefox 4 that makes you a better background
pattern for your games.

Goodbye Basecamp, This Is All Your Email

37signals invests in synthetic beef

Groupon is a GitHubber

The first Django site to run for Australian Senate

Single page apps in the lab: Apple is back

Calling the NSA: "I accidentally deleted - last backup one year of college
calculus to grad student level

Edward Snowden: Saving Us from the Family of Neil Armstrong on Programmer
Productivity

Some advice from Jeff Bezos on Post purchase

Is Google building a TC alternative.

Will you post an update on "What I've learned from Hacker News, what else you
read?

------
eksith
Sweet Jesus!

    
    
      Ask HN: How much recurring income do you make in the witchhunt?
      
      75-year-old soybean farmer sees Monsanto lawsuit reach U.S. Supreme Court 
      to avoid judicial review of the HP-35
      
      Why I've built an alternative to CSS resets
    

I could have sworn, I actually saw that headline for real.

    
    
      The PNG image file format is now feature complete for C++14
      
      You're a developer, so why do you escape CRUD jobs?
    

Because they're not sexy and doesn't involve Big Data somehow... or at least
to the gratuitous degree I want Big Data in my life for no discernible reason.

    
    
      Patio11 Wrote A Book On Conversion Optimization For Software Crack, 
      Creator Provides Free App Instead
    

Hahaha!

    
    
      Mistakes You Can’t Copyright Porn, Harassed BitTorrent Defendant Insists
      
      Why Google Earth - after 25 years
      
      Company backed by James Cameron & Google Are Doing It All
      
      Secret Fears of the NSA’s surveillance state?
    

Looks like NSA titles are still making it into the headlines.

------
beernutz
How to land an airplane if you are logged into Gmail

Tim O'Reilly: Really, Google is making a comeback due to harassment

Ask HN: Does anyone actually code at a parole

------
hvass
This is too good. This I easily see as a link bait at 'Business Insider':

"Why Quit? Because the other company has bigger monitors."

------
rjtavares
Best one I got: "How to build (and how not to do it again)"

~~~
WA

        Show HN: Most Wikipedia articles lead to unlimited lifetime data storage using Norwegian laws
    
        A standing desk for two years working on
    
        Why I quit my job to personally email the first ISP to challenge the USA

------
omeid2
Well, here are my top 10:

    
    
        MIT scientist captures 90,000 hours of video of Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack.
    
        What Every C Programmer Should Know About Fitness is a straight-up Ponzi scheme
    
        Name.com hijacks non-existent subdomains and redirects to their help Text
    
        WebKit is the sum of three primes 
    
        John's Phone: a minimalist cell phone unlocking and fixes the DMCA
    
        On Confirmed Assumptions or, Not Trusting Google is evil now? Let's Get Real. How About Apple?
    
        Ask PG: could you travel across the U.S. government poisoned alcohol during Prohibition
    
        Beej's Guide to Social Hacking: How we screwed (almost) the whole Apple community
    
       JS roguelike game: The Royal Canadian Mint just announced a new alternative to Github
    
       Ed McMillen: Ubuntu Store Sold Super Meat Boy leaves database wide 
    
    

This thing is hilarious.

------
politician
> Can Snowden be targeted using the Soundcloud API?

Lovely.

------
archildress
I'll join, this is fun:

    
    
      - Thank HN: 127 days since I quit Facebook
    
      - Dropbox: The Hottest Startup You've Never Heard of
    
      - Facebook detects if you are not a pilot
    
      - Reddit traffic doubles in less than 600 bytes
    
      - How to break in Gmail & Major Torrent client for work on Jeopardy

------
increment_i
These ones got me some odd looks from my coworkers (couldn't hold in the
laughs):

    
    
      The Node Beginner Book, a guide to Objective C
    
      What Happens to the HN Crowd: Do nothing for 2 minutes
    
      The polynomial algorithm for a Cool Billion Dollars
    
      My husband is a new IDE for poets
    

Classic.

------
donjo
This will come in handy once my team finishes our transition to HackerNews
Front Page Driven Development.

------
RBerenguel
Lost an stupidly large amount of time laughing so hard I cried. Some of the
best:

Steve Jobs Presents His Ideas For A New Kind of Screwed Home-made bombs are
being deleted from Wikipedia Show HN: New platform for finding work - Son of
J.R.R. Tolkien finally speaks out Why I'm done with the booth babes The Geeks
Who Saved Prince of Persia source code 23 years later and you're still loving
US judge orders hundreds of sites "de-indexed" from Google, what do we need
some badass hackers to fill it up. Why F1 Steering Wheels Have Over 20 Buttons
- And Still Isn't Difficult Enough To Watch HBO Shows Ask PG: Comments are not
a four letter word Opening *.txt file is dangerous on Windows 8 OEM specs may
block Linux booting Ultrabook: Intel's $300 million plan to beat comment spam
Ocean acidification due to HTML5 Markdown.css – make HTML look like Microsoft
made their own company Introducing schema.org: Search engines come together
for a return of the universe Researchers Finally Replicated Reinhart-Rogoff,
and There Are Too Many Cops Are Told They’re Soldiers Fighting a War. How Did
We Get Here? Parsley.js: never write a single JavaScript line to validate 50
cancer studies L'Aquila quake: Italy scientists found guilty of aiding the
enemy, but convicted of multiple other counts The New iPad's Screen Under the
hood of Windows to test older versions of VLC How Carrots Became the new Opus
audio format Please learn to code? Don't copy and paste, type out other
people's code An analysis of an unknown compression format Why must you laugh
at you, then they laugh at my desk Fastest-growing YC S11 startup (3M monthly
uniques) YC S11 startup (3M monthly uniques) YC S11 startup looking for people
to talk to restaurants. Windows 8 is 20% faster than MemSQL Republicans
Repudiate 40 Years of Firefox Oboe.js: reacting to Ajax/Rest quicker by not
waiting for it to Open Source Copenhagen Suborbitals open-source private
spacerocket will launch in an unrelated raid Youtube claims I don't know
they're in water Why shuttle Atlantis will not do a tech job at Facebook Kit
Kat's homepage is currently a parody of Silicon Valley, Bad for the state of
Berlin

------
moot
"AppleCrate II: A New Future"

Fuck the iWatch and iTV -- I want an AppleCrate II.

"The Hacker News is a Work of Art"

Indeed it is.

~~~
saraid216
The Hacker News is Waiting for Godot.

------
downer95

      1. An unofficial alternative to Node.js
    
      2. Ask HN: Best books you read daily?
    
      3. EU Commissioner Will Simply Ignore Any Rejection Of ACTA By EU Parliament supports the new Junk Food
    
      4. Why you shouldn't start a startup on Haskell [video]
    
      5. Stallman: Facebook is using IE6 as standard for displaying web pages
    
      6. Nexus: The best programmers are not paid in proportion to their help text
    
      7. "They're Made out of Facbook is not a war zone
    
      8. Behind the scenes of the opportunists and their hackathons
    
      9. Antibiotic resistance: The last time I saw Steve Jobs
    
      10. The UK Court Sanctions Apple, Hopes "Lack of Integrity" Is Not Free

------
joshaidan
Looks like I found my weekend project:

"Show HN: Game where you write Python robots to fight crime"

------
garychou
"Facebook is what happens when one guy practices art every day for nine years"

------
girvo
Yeah, I'll pay these:

    
    
        10x teams, not worth a CEO vs cancer
        How 'One Weird Trick' Conquered The Fifty Days, Payments Service Disruption Post
        The first Django site to run for Australian Senate

------
libria
From the producer that brought us The Social Network:

    
    
        1. The girl with the JavaScript Ninja Update
    

Categorized under "Well, that was fast":

    
    
        3. Rate my startup was my worst mistake

------
harvestmoon
\- What Powers Instagram: Hundreds of Passwords

\- Gmail.com was down for 6 hours to boot Ubuntu

\- MongoDB Gotchas and How We Nearly Lost the Discovery Shuttle

\- Facebook, I want to pay defendants' legal bills

\- How I Learned to Speak Four Languages in a matter of minutes

------
amjd
Ask PG: What Is Intelligence, Anyway?

DIY Weapons of the USA Patriot Act

Researchers 'speak' to dolphins in their own IE6-countdown site.

Why doesn't every company buy developers the best startups in the Milky Way
Galaxy

My Daughter’s Homework Is Killing You

------
jw_
"I quit my job, and I'm excited about a Failing Startup"

------
gliptic
Since everyone is doing it...

    
    
      Entire field of particle physics is to switch from X window server to Mir
      Google's Nexus 7 is now free forever
      Thoughts on being a fucking joker

------
yetanotherphd
Nothing makes a place feel like a hive of groupthink like n-grams.

------
jimmytucson
It's amazing how with a little ingenuity you can program a source of
hysterical laughter. I know comments like this are against HN etiquette but --
thank you gamegoblin!

------
jere
You should make this into a twitter bot, à la Two Headlines
[https://twitter.com/TwoHeadlines](https://twitter.com/TwoHeadlines).

------
lanekelly
Got this one:

> _No, I still don 't want to download your bullshit app_

Thinking it was too good to not already be a headline, I searched and found
this:

> _No, I 'm not going to download your bullshit app_

Pure gold.

------
bobfunk
Awesome! Can't help but add a few of the most hilarious it gave me:

How I Became a Billion Dollar Company Dropbox Bug Can Permanently Lose Your
Family MPAA Publicly Threatens to Stop Writing REST API Clients Get-shit-done
- Easy way to write a single DMCA notice Linux To Become A Better Twitter
Bootstrap Government: we can solve a problem with Vim Tower.js - JavaScript
library for creating Windows 8 Why I Turned Down $300,000 from Microsoft to
acquire Nokia

------
raganwald
"The policeman's beard if half-constructed"

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racter](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racter)

------
vellum
The Woman Problem

Cosmo: A wolf in the command key files show how to Start Banning “Servers”

Custora (YC S12) Reinvents Transistors Using JSON

Ask HN: We Should Read (At Least Pretend to) Know What’s up

Guy makes a knife from scratch. He has to make a chat server in 12 lines of
code

Show HN: Create Javascript charts with one line of code that beat A/B testing
every time

Show HN: Why You

I’m Glad We Need Emotional Support Staff to update to C# App

JQuery 1.5.1 released, includes memcached, written in 24 hours

Game Industry Needs a cartoonist's advice

------
MichaelMoser123
Thank you Gamegoblin, now it is clear to me that I am spending too much time
on HN. And...Must resist the \for a mee too. (futile).

Nuclear Power is Safest Way to Extract the Main Topics from a Scared Actress

US Patent system so dysfunctional you can tell Arial from Helvetica?

N-gram Analysis of the world for 8 years straight

Guys buy island on Craigslist, use Kickstarter to turn up

the volume in the wrong SSL certificate

Bill Gates: My Plan to Raid The Pirate Bay

Sergey Brin invests in Duck Duck Go

------
Semaphor

        Show HN: I will stop providing any service to MPlayer
    
        Canada Is About to Come Undone?
    
        Do the Dishes, Put Out, Don’t Talk So Much Radiation?
    
        How Paypal and Reddit faked their way to browse pictures on reddit
    
        Oracle gives up trying to escape police
    
        Opera moves to restrict Internet freedom
    
        Our office is too big -- we need a Pirate
    

:D

------
eitland
A day in the Middle of Detroit How to land an airplane (if you don't control
it) Richard Stallman on Steve Jobs: A Few New Things Coming To JavaScript Yes,
You Can Use Regexes to Parse HTML I made an addictive way to browse pictures
on reddit Facebook sinks to record a video cam on an HTML5 game. I finally
understand why I'm not buying Facebook

------
lifeformed

         "White hat" Facebook hacker gets 8 months at Microsoft
    
         The Art of writing unmaintainable code.

------
timewasted
This is awesome.

    
    
        My GF learned to be forked
        Online course: Build your own #dickbar
        Why you should learn just a little bit Apple, a little bit Apple, a little bit Apple, a little Awk - A Native-Looking and Feeling Mobile HTML5 Front-End Framework
        Firefox 6 released with long-sought Higgs boson discovery

------
kristiandupont
I cannot resist but to join in. Thanks OP for a great laugh this morning!

WeekendHacker.net - A Private Small Claims Internet Court

Bruce Schneier has changed since being hidden?

Sublime Text 2 Beta released with support for SOPA

Skrollr - parallax scrolling for the right answer to "Who Is Hiring Remote
Workers? (January 2011 Edition)

An iPhone lover’s confession: I switched to the Brain

Experience the Apollo 11 Rockets

------
ivanhoe
"Functional Programming For The First Smartphone Designed Entirely By Lawyers"
\- this sounds totally legit :)

------
almondsays
This is fun.

    
    
      - Instagram says it now has the right to indefinitely detain under NDAA
      - Redditors earning $100k+ a year, secret files show
      - Physicist proposes new way to view IAmA's on Reddit
      - Linux may have been due to bad connection
      - Kim Dotcom: The US recording industry is stealing my ebook

~~~
amjd
Some more:

\- 3px of padding makes all the female developers?

\- Postgres on the moon

\- Game Over: Zynga Shuts Down 84,000 Websites, ‘By Mistake’

\- IBM to Acquire Tumblr

\- Firefox Beta 15 supports the possible suspension of U.S.

\- Kim Dotcom: The US recording industry is stealing my ebook

------
hluska
I'm having one of the worst days of my adult life, but this one made me laugh
very hard.

#9 - Reginald Braithwaite is a Red Herring

------
pmelendez
> "I took the top 10 daily posts for the last 3 years from Hacker News Daily
> (sorry about the few thousand wgets last night!)"

I believe you could HNSearch API
([https://www.hnsearch.com/api](https://www.hnsearch.com/api)) and that would
not impact the website performance

~~~
minimaxir
HNSearch does not allow chronological searching and has a limit of 1000 posts
per query. Unfortunately.

~~~
kogir
I have plans for a more detailed first-party API:
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6818059](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6818059)

------
dyadic
Oh, this is beautiful. Nice work

    
    
        Things to Never Say “Click Here”
    
        DIY Weapons of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. AMA
    
        Did everybody see what just happened? The pendulum has swung.
    
        Rootkit on a cube-shaped planet
    
        So Long and Thanks for your password

------
corford
"No, I'm not going to have a jobless recovery. We’re going to have a jobless
recovery. We’re going to have a jobless recovery. We’re going to have a
jobless recovery. We’re going to have a jobless recovery. We’re going to have
a talk."

"AWS is down due to IP litigation"

------
mieubrisse
"I'm a loser and I need someone to talk about why I'm not allowed to use Lisp"

------
jamornh
Amazing, can't stop laughing!

\- Ubuntu ported to the Web when you hit it with the stupid stick

\- Why the cheapest maple syrup is the new compose in Gmail

\- Oxford announces new degree in Computer Security, Dies at 78

\- Cancer Vaccine, tailor-made for each cashier

\- Hacking the iPod: How I Screwed Yasser Arafat out of bed for less than an
hour

------
syswsi
For those who enjoyed this would probably enjoy this title generator which
also aggregates article titles of website such as buzzfeed and TMZ

[http://headline-generator.herokuapp.com/best](http://headline-
generator.herokuapp.com/best)

------
3rd3
Maybe it could display the original titles when one moves the cursor over the
individual words?

------
hilarium
These had me on the floor:

My husband is a JavaScript library for capturing input

Ignored by big companies, Mexican village creates its own encryption standard

“I hate almost all software” — Ryan Dahl steps down

U.S. Government to Force Facebook into Handing-Over their Secret Tracking Data

Show HN: Learn Math the Hard Way

Valve hired their first Github repo

------
kissickas
I seriously feel the need to look up some of these on Google, they're so
convincing. All from the same batch, lookback=2:

SOPA sponsors break their own IE6-countdown site.

The Arduino Solution to Clearing Afghan Landmines

What Major World Cities Look Like It Was Made By Samsung

WordPress Discontinues Support for SOPA

------
mrcactu5
this is cool have you seen snarxiv? [http://snarxiv.org/](http://snarxiv.org/)

in the comments the author discusses how he generated convincing titles using
context free grammars:

    
    
      snarXiv is based on a con­text free gram­mar (CFG) — basically a set of rules 
      for computer-generated mad libs... The snarxiv’s gram­mar is 622 lines long...
      The coolest and most nat­ural thing to do with a CFG is exploit 
      recur­sive­ness as much as pos­si­ble. The more recur­sion built in, 
      the less pre­dictable and richer the out­put.
    

I am guessing they learned the Context-Free Grammar by reading many abstracts
and titles.

------
jseip
Endlessly entertaining: "ACLU launches phone app to help you avoid hills in
SF"

------
mck-
This reminds me of a hackathon project of mine:
[https://github.com/mck-/oneliner](https://github.com/mck-/oneliner)

It basically uses a very similar algorithm to summarize any given piece of
text in one line.

------
coldcode
Now if we could generate the actual posts and create bot readers we could all
retire.

------
dizzystar
Wow, these aren't real?

\-- Why I won't be your technical co-founder

\-- How to design a CAPTCHA

\-- Why I do not want to work for Google

\-- The end of the web as we know it

\-- Show HN: I'm working on an HTML5 game. I finally released it

\-- Why I am building a new Google Wave

\-- Learn Regex The Hard Way by Zed Shaw

\-- Agile is a Lie

\-- How to Learn Go

\-- The Only Way to Improve Your UI

~~~
meowface
I think some of them do end up being the original titles with some
considerable probability, due to the way these kinds of Markov chains work.

~~~
gamegoblin
No, because I filter those out.

Sometimes they are an original title + 1 or 2 words, though, which are
trickier to catch.

------
raverbashing
Here's the best ones I got:

"Our office is too slow for programming"

"E17 is out after many years in jail, the Internet from the Other Side"

"Jack Dorsey: Today Starbucks Signed up for Stallman"

"Everything you need to stop fixing bugs in PHP"

~~~
ytjohn
Holy crap. I just discovered that development for Enlightenment has resumed. I
remember loving using E17 back in the day and then drifted away from it as it
stopped being updated.

I didn't realize development had stopped because E17 was in jail.

------
nightpool
You definitely need a way to vote up certain titles. Something like what
[http://www.mezzacotta.net/](http://www.mezzacotta.net/) has would make a
great addition to the site.

------
Atroxide
HN should put a few of these headlines onto the frontpage on april fools
day...

------
loceng
"Why the cheapest maple syrup is the best predictor of code quality"

------
cmarschner
Related (and in part even funnier): SciGen, the scientific paper generator.
Have fun :)
[http://pdos.csail.mit.edu/scigen/](http://pdos.csail.mit.edu/scigen/)

------
Avalaxy
\- Power surges in Britain caused by millions of people on Mars

\- How to hack the immigration system with a floating incubator

\- Lavabit's founder: 'If You Knew What I Know About Email, You Might Not Know
about jQuery

\- Google Unveils The iPhone 5S

------
jlees
Nice work!

How about caching the number of upvotes and estimating the potential
popularity of the generated titles, then for the most promising, getting a
ghostwriter to actually create them? Could turn out brilliantly.

------
evilturnip
My favorite:

Indiegogo fund raises enough money to buy random things each month from Amazon

------
valtron
> Matt Damon: Edward Snowden did a great job translating LPTHW to Ruby

------
henrik_w
Absolutely hilaruous! Some good ones:

Netflix Now The Largest Single Source of Internet Explorer privacy controls

How one man escaped from a major statistical error.

20 lines of e-mail data

Skype options turn out to be a Girl in Tech

Scott Adams: How to Apply to Y Combinator Started

------
localuser
Hilarious! If you guys would love to get a tweet a day from this follow
HorseHN. I will tweet a couple a day.

[https://twitter.com/HorseHN](https://twitter.com/HorseHN)

------
henrik_w
This reminded me of "SCIgen - An Automatic CS Paper Generator"
[http://pdos.csail.mit.edu/scigen/](http://pdos.csail.mit.edu/scigen/)

------
imdsm
> My Neighbor, Steve Jobs dissed me in a "map" interface

Damn Steve Jobs.

------
j_m_f

      Lesser known C Craft: C Programs
      PostgreSQL doesn't care
      Functional thinking: Why I don't "get" art
      Elon Musk says ‘um’ ~7 times the tech sector

------
garychou
"4chan founder: Mark Zuckerberg is annoying the bankers"

------
jbrooksuk
These are brilliant! Using a loopback of > 3 seems to be the best for me.

> I analyzed the chords to 1300 popular songs for patterns. This is what a
> DDoS attack looks like

------
jasonlmk
These ones got me:

Google has an entire country What is Possible When There's no need to build a
windmill Ask HN: How would I get my entertainment via BitTorrent

Absolutely hilarious!

------
darkxanthos
Markov chains were my first foray into machine learning. Painfully simple and
accessible. It's a great way to show the power of just a little data.

------
bhaumik
So you created the [http://what-would-i-say.com/](http://what-would-i-
say.com/) for all of Hacker News? Kudos.

------
joallard
A Man Walks All Day to Create Spectacular Snow Patterns

Understanding the code quality of the Fibonacci Sequence

Gmail.com being MITM'd by Iran using this idea by now: Font Icons.

------
FWeinb
This is great!

Best ones:

Zuck, Bill Gates, Jack Dorsey In Short Film To Inspire Kids To Learn How To
Write Code In 2012

The tent that turns into concrete in less than 600 bytes

CoffeeScript is not a four letter word

~~~
Pxtl
[http://www.reddit.com/r/programming/comments/199o54/watch_zu...](http://www.reddit.com/r/programming/comments/199o54/watch_zuck_bill_gates_jack_dorsey_others_in_short/)

The first one is verbaitm.

~~~
gamegoblin
It added the "in 2012" bit, which caused it to slip through my duplicate
detector. I am trying to think of a better duplicate detector. Right now it
just checks if it is an exact match or substring.

------
vezzy-fnord
_Winamp 's woes: how the NSA_

This was HN just a few days ago.

------
fla
Thank you for this ! And by the way :

"Let’s Build a Truly Free Version of Windows to test drive autonomous cars on
public roads? California says yes"

------
tehwalrus

        Show HN: I love weird socks and I'm excited about a year & sold a startup...with only 300 lines of Ruby
    

this is gold :)

------
swoker
"Hover.com: we store & email passwords in plaintext to the cloud" "Obama wins
back the right to cheat their exams"

I laughed so hard!

------
r0muald
An unknown proportion of these titles have a corresponding news article or
blog post, somewhere on the Web, just waiting to pop up on HN.

------
NoodleIncident
Feds Mistakenly Shut Down on Wednesday to Protest SOPA

The Onion either already uses something like this, or is obligated to start.
This is comedic gold!

------
adityar
How to land an airplane if you are logged in Gmail

------
rdl
Next step is to get humans to write the articles based on those titles, and
then auto-generate fake comments based on those articles.

------
ArekDymalski
"Rubular - a visual programming language with eternal moral vigilance"

Oh, I just hope people will start doing stuff that fits these titles.

------
darkstalker
\- Bunny.py: A WiFi darknet that hides its traffic in the cinema

wut

------
Groxx

        Design Books Every Hacker Should Read (At Least Twice)
    

I could _swear_ I've read that post (at least twice).

~~~
gamegoblin
There was a real post called "Papers Every Hacker Should Read (At Least
Twice)" and another called "Design Books Every Hacker Should Read"

The program spliced them together.

------
cupcake-unicorn
Haha, awesome, reminds me of the sarcastic 4chan post that came up earlier.
Here's a great one:

I love weird socks and I'm surfing a PDF

------
pkhamre
Performance and more online pornography

Notch live in Monthly Revenues

16-year-old Makes 99% of the Performance tips for startups

Mojang's Monster Truck Madness 2

Node.js two minutes = 10 times

------
Coincoin
It's clearly broken, in three tries, it didn't generate any title starting
with "How" or "Why".

~~~
tripzilch
Ask HN: How or why would that happen?

------
vmp32k

        ACTA killed in hit and run accident

------
gautamnarula
My favorite: Germany Minister o Justice demands immediate response to "Paul
Graham's Letter to YC Companies"

------
trusche
Beautiful. My favourite so far:

"Show HN: I hacked my microwave with a Raspberry Pi into a wireless airplay
speaker"

------
drak0n1c
Plenty of Fish Hacked - Chris Russo explains how he did it

25 years ago I hoped we would extend Emacs to do market research

------
jonrimmer
'Creator of "Dirty Jobs" Mike Rowe testifies to Congress about the WebKit
inspector'

------
kronholm
Thanks for a much needed laugh. This one was my favorite: "Microsoft releases
tool for humans"

------
tobltobs
pimp up your droplet, this is great.

~~~
gamegoblin
Poor college student, etc...

I am currently using all of my VPS funds hosting a 20$/mo (the big bucks,
right?) droplet which is running a server for an AI programming game I made
(currently closed testing among my friends).

------
biftek
What are the odds the 10th result for me was "Learn Python the hard way by Zed
Shaw"?

------
AndrewBissell
This is pretty great, but I'm surprised there's not more RandomLibraryName.js
or .io.

------
ismail
WordPress has left the solar system

------
ismail
Federal Prosecutors, in a cellular automata on an RC truck and saves the lives
of 6 soldiers

------
cossatot
Only going to share 1, it was so good:

''' Down syndrome reversed in 2011 '''

------
fyskij
After 180 Websites, I’m Ready to Start the Rest of My Life as an Undocumented
Immigrant

------
gvm
That's really funny. My favourite: "I haven’t been drunk in 3 minutes"

------
namenotrequired
"Solve your first 10 customers" \- what, kill them with chemical solutions?

------
rjknight
Women, Tech Conferences and the Meaning of Life (2011)

That great forgotten Monty Python movie...

------
davecap1
Oh no:

    
    
        Robert Morris, computer security expert, dies at the age of 91

------
metaxy2
I think I may have gotten the best one, on my second try:

"Zynga Shuts Down LucasArts"

------
izietto
I got this: "Google finally has a huge security hole". Finally!

------
CrazedGeek
"PS4 UX is powered by the Soviet Union's space program?"

------
eaxbin
Intel Core 2 Duo Remote Exec Exploit in JavaScript in less than 600 bytes

Scary stuff!

------
mcphilip
NY Comptroller: Legalise marijuana, tax it now with three.js

------
herbig
Our unrealistic views of death, through a thunderstorm

------
loceng
Add voting for top titles to get the gems in a list...

------
mrbuttons454
I quit my job and am excited about a Failing Startup

------
mcintyre1994
"Bitcoin hits $1 billion in shock IPO" :)

------
scep12
My favorite so far:

Hey Google, thanks for making money on the web?

------
jakab922
Best post ever. :)

------
coherentpony
No "Severing ties with..." titles? :)

------
samweinberg
Unintentionally also an HN parody generator.

------
jmtthis
Cool hack to take a photo of Neil Armstrong

------
SteroidsLove
"I’m writing my own DNS servers"

------
ericgsmith
In 1951 there was a startup on Haskell

------
jsumrall
Tell HN: My Startup Failed. Fuck.

------
lukasm
Brilliant! :)

Apartments So Small They Can Say No

------
flippyhead
Love it!

------
inanov
That's quite fun!

------
OGC
"Redditor Explains Why They're Wrong"

Like that is going to happen.

------
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