
I told the truth in my sister’s obituary, so that others might choose to live - danso
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2016/03/23/i-told-the-truth-in-my-sisters-obituary-so-that-others-might-choose-to-live/
======
unimpressive
This kind of rhetoric makes people who aren't depressed feel better, but it's
kind of anathema to a depressed person if you tell them essentially that:

1\. Their feelings aren't valid, not even a little bit. In other words if they
have an objection to what you're telling them they know darn well there's no
point in voicing it.

2\. You come off as out of touch with reality. Sometimes the world is shitty,
and sometimes the world is shitty in ways that make us feel shitty. And yes,
sometimes the world is shitty in ways that make people who are predisposed to
feeling like shit for no good reason feel even worse.

If you feel like everything is worthless and you have nothing to lose,
somebody telling you that everything is happy rainbows is quite the opposite
of helping. They're not meeting you where you are so much as coming at you
from a place so foreign and distant it seems like they're on drugs. A lot of
suicide prevention is deciding not to kill yourself _today_ so you'll live to
see tomorrow.

~~~
titanomachy
I believe that what the author is trying to say is that _some_ of the feelings
and ideas of a depressed person are disconnected from reality. Not all. This
is part of the definition of depression: if all that you believe is rational
and based in reality, then you are not depressed.

If a person truly believes that they are worthless and have no hope of ever
doing something good, then that is a delusional belief -- unless you suggest
that some people really are worthless and can never change.

Everybody will feel like shit sometimes. It's normal. Bad things happen. But
when feeling like shit becomes totally disconnected from the reality of your
situation, when guilt over the way you feel itself becomes the reason for
continuing to feel worthless, that's depression. Once that feedback loop is
connected it can be VERY HARD to escape. Some people come to believe that
death is the only escape. Even though a depressed person will get angry at
people who tell them they are not worthless, will say that they don't
understand, I think it's still something that he needs to hear.

Source: have lived through a major depressive episode, and will likely live
through more.

------
studentrob
This is so sad, yet also heart warming. It takes clarity of mind to discuss
depression in an obituary. Most people will not mention it so openly as a
cause of death, but it is common and accounted for 2.2% of deaths in 2014
(42,773) [1]. We don't have a clear solution that works for everyone. We
suggest staying active, or visiting doctors who may or may not prescribe anti-
depressants.

A powerful one I don't often hear suggested is meditation. The book
Mindfulness in Plain English [2] is a good introduction. We can all benefit
from pushing pause on our train of thoughts once in awhile.

[1]
[http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_...](http://www.save.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=705D5DF4-055B-F1EC-3F66462866FCB4E6)

[2]
[http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html](http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html)

~~~
tudorw
If you're not familiar with Existential Depression it's worth reading a little
about it, I can certainly relate to many aspects discussed here,
[http://sengifted.org/archives/articles/existential-
depressio...](http://sengifted.org/archives/articles/existential-depression-
in-gifted-individual)

~~~
studentrob
> If we must die, if we construct our own world, and if each of us is
> ultimately alone, then what meaning does life have?

Whoa. That definition sounds like super depression.

The reason I suggest meditation is because it gives you a focus on the " _now_
". That is, by practicing thinking about one thing, your breath, you enhance
your ability to focus on whatever is in front of you. When our heart races, as
in animals, it's because something appears that we did not see approaching.
The solution is not to anticipate everything; rather, it is to accept what is
happening and adjust to it. No amount of thinking can give you the perfect
foresight to know precisely when a tiger will approach. You just need to see
it and move. That requires intense awareness of your surroundings. Awareness
and focus are enhanced by meditation, exercise, hobbies, studying, work, etc.

What this article calls "superficial day-to-day aspects of life", I would call
" _now_ ". Now is equally important to other things, if not more important.

Growing up I would often think of other things while doing superficial day-to-
day things like folding laundry. I'd make a mental list of other things I
needed to do. If someone came in while I was doing laundry, I could not give
them my full attention because my mind was trying to memorize something else.

This article argues that gifted children in particular need support and
"touch" from parents. I'd add that we could all also benefit from increased
awareness. Meditation can help with that.

~~~
tudorw
+1 for meditation

------
fallingfrog
I've been depressed before. And I worked through it - to the extent a person
can when some parts of life are outside our control. But if I could go back in
time- this is what I would say to my angsty young self:

There is nothing wrong with you.

You are not a broken toy.

You are not a tragic mistake.

You are not a deformed figure.

You are, and you could ever only be, this person who you are. This is who you
are supposed to be. Forgive yourself. You did your best. Keep trying. Things
will get better.

------
tim333
I've often wondered about practical ways to reduce this in society. It must be
one of the biggest causes of death for the under 50s - for the US traffic
deaths are 10.6/100k/yr vs suicides 12.1/100k/yr taking the figures from
Wikipedia. Personally I had some depression issues and found the cbt &
buddhist type stuff helpful - not sure how general that is.

------
abpavel
It's sad, however the ethics of human worth are much harder now, with human-
caused global events even prompting creation of official organizations, such
as
[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voluntary_Human_Extinction_M...](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voluntary_Human_Extinction_Movement)

------
marincounty
I've struggled with depression, and horrid bouts of anxiety.

It was the anxiety that was relentless. I'd wake up, and boom, it would set
in.

The anxiety was so debilitating, and lasted for so many years; I think my
current depression is because my quality of life deteriorated because I felt
so terrible? Meaning--a doctor would call my depression situationally caused?
Meaning--my life didn't turn out as planned? I really don't know, nor care to
know at this point. Every word out of every professional never even seemed
remotely helpful.

I'll take that back, so of it was helpful. For example-- I used to worry I
could hurt someone. I would see a piece of broken glass, and worry I would
hurt someone. I forget what psychologists call it, but it's related to
anxiety/OCD? You will not hurt anyone. Stop worrying about it. You are the
last person who's going to hurt someone statistically.

Another example--I would get down at around sunset. That's nothing more than a
marker of time. You are depressed another day went by, in this finite world.

Another example--I can't think of one. Over twenty years seeing a therapist,
and two examples. Well, a full year of Freudian, and Behavorial therapy, and
twenty years being held hostage by a MD for medications.(yes, they gave to
make a living, but the prearranged appointments are bothersome, especially if
you are on a low dose of an addictive drug, and no blood work is required? In
my case, only the addictive drugs remotely worked.)

All I know now is I get very depressed. I've been to enough doctors, and read
enough to know if I'm seriously suicidal go to a big hospital, and ask for ECT
therapy. I've never had the treatments, but I hear they work. It might be the
only tool psychiatrists have that really works, and isn't addictive?

I'm pretty dissalusioned with the mental health system. I found it costly, and
well I won't go on; you need to try it out yourself if afflicted.

My bigger question is why are Americans so misserable? I have my own
suspicions, but tired of even repeating them.

If America is so great, why are we looking to escape through drugs? Why do we
have so much mental illness? Why do we have so many violent people? Why do we
sell our souls to get to a comfortable level of living? I have seen Americans
do despicable acts(all legal) in order to get ahead financially. I just don't
get it?

And please, no ra-ra cowboy simplistic answers. Believe me, all that over
confidence/testosterone goes out the window when you are sidelined by a mental
illness. I was always the strongest, and usually the most intellectually
capable person in any room.

I had a breakdown, and I as a quevering child. All that confidence/ability
went away. I've never been quite the same. I've never gotten a reason why this
happened to me. why--they don't know!

I'm not coming back to see what people posted. I know what's wrong with
America. We gave a lousy safety net. We are all expected to be the best. It's
way to hard to "make it" in America for poor, and middle class kids. We are
way to critical of ourselves, and others.

Good luck everyone!

