

Ask HN: How do “introverted” entrepreneurs build a network? - nonkool

The virtues of having a &quot;network&quot; for entrepreneurs are well documented. It&#x27;s easy enough for people who like going out to events and striking conversations up. How do introverted entrepreneurs who do not like initiating conversations manage to build good networks?
======
kom107
I think that an introverted network would actually be more of an asset than an
extrovert's network (and FTR, I'm a total extrovert...which took years of work
to get to). Hear me out:

When you're an introvert, you tend to be much more cautious about the
connections that you make with people and to cultivate them more. Sure, I have
a bajillion people to reach out to and socialize with, but if shit hit the
fan, it's a much smaller number. I would think that as an introvert, almost
everyone in that network would be willing to jump for you.

Don't think of it as networking. You're just attending an event where everyone
wants to talk with you. Go up to any random stranger, and ask them what
they're working on that they're excited about, or if they've done something
interesting lately. Just try to get to know people. When I socialize, I just
think about getting to know someone, versus that I'm socializing, or
networking. I just want to know about them. Also, don't be dismissive--even if
someone is not in your space, you never know who they know, and you might have
just met your new best friend. Be kind to everyone. I have Starbucks barista's
and Fortune 500 execs on my LinkedIn--and I'm happy to help all of them.

TL;DR: look at it as meeting a bunch of new friends who already want to meet
you, stay connected, and help them when you can.

Have fun!

~~~
nonkool
Thanks, some good pieces of insight there. I noticed you mentioned that it
took years of work to get you to being a total extrovert - How did you start
out as? What things did you do?

~~~
kom107
Oh, I was so shy when I was younger. Socially awkward (and I was just smart
enough to know it), nervous, didn't want to talk with others at all, really.
Now, I love it.

I started very small and very simply: I started reading etiquette books (this
was as a teenager). No joke. If you think about it, they're just really 'how
to' books that cover a lot of social situations (I still have a copy of
Debrett's). Anyway, so I started there and began to add what I read into my
everyday social interactions. Things got a bit easier. From there, I actually
joined greek life in college. Sure, it gets a bad rap, but I very quickly
learned how to become very comfortable in social situations because I FORCED
myself into a setting that was, by nature, incredibly social. As an adult, I'd
suggest getting involved in some activity that you enjoy that has a heavy
social aspect...and also NOT with people who are JUST LIKE YOU (i.e. don't go
to meetups for just coders or engineers). I also held two sales jobs and
volunteered at a phone bank to call people and ask for donations for a good
cause. Cold-calling people and sales were really helpful because it gets you
incredibly comfortable with rejection--which, if you really think about it,
is, IMO, the reason those of us who are naturally shy are shy--there's a small
worry about rejection, or at least nervousness around 'maybe this person won't
like me'. If you get rejected enough, you literally don't even notice anymore.

Those were the things that I did that I believe had the biggest impact.
Hopefully you can take some of my experiences and make them work for you. Have
fun.

------
ruraljuror
At risk of being pedantic I would clarify that being an _introvert_ has
nothing to do with your skills at being social. The reason I bring this up is
because once you put the proper name on something (i.e. identify it) then it
is easier to work on.

Going out to events and striking up conversations probably have more to do
with problems of finding the right kinds of events, overcoming shyness,
anxiety, public speaking, etc.

There is a podcast I learned about from HN called the Art of Charm. They
handle some basic things like how to strike up conversations and such. Might
be worth a listen.

~~~
intuitiondg
This is an interesting conversation. As an introvert myself I sometimes get
really uncomfortable in social gatherings with lots of unfamiliar faces. But
to your point about introversion having nothing to do with being social, I
could not disagree more. It is very stressful for some introverts to conjure
up a conversation with total strangers, event with people they know. Unlike
extraverts, introverts are not often good starting simple conversation, and
even when they do, they sometimes struggle internally thinking about what to
say. Moreover, while an extravert will talk right of the top their mind, the
introvert tend to think about what to say,and a host of other things depending
on their assessment of the conversation. With that said, that sense of anxiety
introvert feels in social settings often come with a great deal of analysis
paralysis.

I think the trick for introverts going to networking events is to have a game
plan about what they hope to accomplish from the event. The goal should be to
try an make a least 2-3 meaningful connections. They should not feel burden
with the need to be extroverted, or be something other than oneself.

This mentality, which personifies American corporate culture, about
extroversion being good and introversion being bad, started with Cale Carnegie
in the early part of the nineteenth century.

I think what every introvert and business should understand is that introverts
bring some of the best ideas to table. However, most often employers want that
extroverted employee, who always seems happy and smiling and talks a lot. That
might might be good for corporate image, but not always the bottom line.

~~~
ashleyp
I think you may be mixing up introverts with shy.

Introversion is how an individual replenishes energy. Alone or with others.

------
meeper16
Create, build, innovate, invent something spectacular that does not exists or
that no one has really come close to perfecting.

To create, in part, requires an extreme level of introspection, going dark or
time in the Lab, something that introverts are quite good at.

Let your works speak for themselves. This is what I have found to be the most
powerful networking move an introvert can make.

This is also something that sales, marketing, branding and some investor types
will never understand.

This is also something that the Google guys understood very well and they seem
to be fairly well networked these days.

~~~
nonkool
Well said. Building something is easy enough; but to figure out if people want
what is being built - that requires a lot of interaction which sometimes is
beyond introverts. Of course, it's a different thing if one happens to build
something which is then wanted by people.

~~~
meeper16
I completely agree. The exceptions, however, would be if it has enough utility
as water for example, similar to Search. All things considered, it certainly
must be useful to the masses.

------
KhalPanda
Something I've been trying to tackle for myself recently.

I've been browsing some meets on meetup.com and intend on going to a few. Many
people have reassured me that whilst I'm the introverted type and events like
this make me somewhat anxious... a lot of people are the same. I'd say that in
the tech/dev world, more people have some kind of social awkwardness than not.
The people that immeditately gel and befriend everyone aren't common. Maybe
I'm wrong. _shrug_

I've been making friends on interpals.net - I originally signed up looking to
do a bit of a language exchange, but ended up talking to a bunch of people.

After that, I feel like I'm on a bit of a roll and it's just a case of
continuing. It's quite refreshing to know I can make friends, it's almost
becoming enjoyable. :)

\- What's the worst that could happen?

\- Take an interest in other people, ask them what they're working on, etc.

\- You won't be the most introverted person at x event.

Good luck. :)

~~~
nonkool
Thanks. I asked because I find myself at the cusp of I/E personality - which
one dominates depends on the context of where I am and in what mindset I am.

That said, I've noticed something interesting which was re-affirmed by your
comment as well - that many an introverted person find easier to "reach out"
to strangers and enjoy conversing when it comes to "online talking". And for
most of them/us, it's more the initiation of conversation that's the issue and
not the continuing of it (assuming it's not just small-talk).

My main issue is that as an entrepreneur, one is expected to be at these
events and form networks - which requires initiation of conversation,
especially with people like investors who aren't the most respectful at times.
This further messes up the already fragile n doubtful self-esteem of an
introverted founder.

I suspect several founders out there "suffer" in silence with these issues
which exacerbate the mental well-being problems.

------
introv-preneur
I wrote this blog post about Networking for Introverts a few months back:
[http://introverted-entrepreneur.com/networking-for-
introvert...](http://introverted-entrepreneur.com/networking-for-introverts).
I hope it is useful to you.

~~~
nonkool
Thanks - very nice! :)

------
ErikRogneby
Github is a network. Network through shared engineering interests, mutual
admiration and meritocracy. Pull requests can be surprisingly social.

Are you looking for a geographically relevant network? Or will distributed and
virtual suffice?

~~~
nonkool
Thanks. I think it is more to do with the varied nature / expertise of the
people in the network - especially if one is an entrepreneur. In terms of
location, a distributed and virtual network should suffice too.

------
err4nt
Reach out to people in writing first if it makes speaking to them in person
easier when you see them!

As an introvert I bask in the comfort of non-realtime communication and the
chance to compose and edit my thoughts. I suspect there are others like me
too!

~~~
nonkool
Absolutely - breaking the ice that way makes total sense for an introvert.

------
alain94040
Maybe there are apps for that. Seriously, colunchers.com sets up lunches with
4 people for a reason: so that introverted get a chance too.

~~~
nonkool
Looks interesting. Thanks!

------
wiseleo
By email on relevant mailing lists and forums.

~~~
nonkool
Any suggestions for an entrepreneur?

