

Help me improve my comic ad - samh
http://www.querycell.com/captionMe.html

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hughprime
I dunno, I have issues with things which are _phrased_ as requests for help,
but are in fact really appear to be just attention-seeking measures for your
startup. If you ask for help, you should really, genuinely, want _help_ , not
attention, otherwise the "altruism" subsystems of my brain get all confused.

Now, if you phrased it as "hey, here's a competition, win $75 by writing good
text for my ad" then that would be much more reasonable... but of course then
it wouldn't be getting upvoted, would it?

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samh
yes I see your point hughprime.

I guess the altruism motive is why I didn't mention the reward in the title, I
didn't want that to be the main thing.

Attention for my startup is great but if I can get something really funny /
interesting into the comic then it becomes more interesting and provides more
value to people, so when I use it it's less spammy.

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blhack
I don't mean to insult you or your idea but, at least to me, this is
terrible...

There are a number of problems with it.

You can't read the text without enlarging the comic.

It takes more than 2 seconds to read...you probably aren't going to get that
much investment from anybody unless they already know what this is, and care
(they likely have an active desire NOT to see this).

It is CONFUSING...I get that this has something to do with running SQL queries
from within excel, but I have no idea what is going on in the comic. Is this
the guys boss? Is this some vendor? Who is this person and why does he look so
radically different than the guy behind the laptop?

I'm still not even entirely sure what your product does...doesn't excel have
the capability of doing this natively?

I think if you wanted to do an ad...big bold letters that say "RUN SQL FROM
WITHIN EXCEL" would be _MUCH_ more effective than this...

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samh
Fair enough points blhack.

I guess your issues with the comic itself are why I want help to improve it,
but I can see what you're saying about it taking a while for anyone to really
understand it.

Maybe it was a bad idea to submit this :)

~~~
blhack
I made a submission...

I think that, if you're going to go for something like this, it's important
that people understand what is going on right away...(which is what you'll see
if you look at my suggestion).

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samh
Hi,

I paid to have a 1 page comic drawn to help promote my startup product.

The artist did a great job but I think the concept / dialogue that I came up
with is not as great.

Check it out and see if you can come up with something better.

Thanks SamH

~~~
discojesus
you need:

1) less text (as others have mentioned)

and 2) a punchline. Perhaps involving a scenario where the programmer tells
the boss that he's using SQL in Excel, causing the boss to irrationally fear
that powerful programs are breeding with each other (from which the only
logical conclusion is Skynet), and he starts making preparations for an
apocalypse-grade bunker while the programmer is trying to reassure him that
it's merely some awesome product that will blow his wig off when he buys a
copy.

In my humble opinion, you need to have some sort of engaging scenario that
will keep people reading through the pitch, and then you need to pay off with
a punchline.

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joez
Go for less text. More <http://www.smbc-comics.com> less
<http://www.qwantz.com/>. The current template requires way too much.

I am pretty sure the technical term is 'excel ninja' and not 'excel kung fu'
too. But I guess that was the punchline? I am just confused.

Maybe some work place humor? My 1 minute half baked attempt would be something
like...

"With Query Cell, I've pumped up excel power user level to over 9000! It takes
me half the time to run my daily extracts. Now if only I could figure out how
to save on this new ribbon feature."

Okay, okay okay... I tried!

~~~
Truff
I agree with this being too long. When I see an ad which is a comic I
instinctively expect it to be cheesy which is the impression I got with this.
One panel might work if it is silly enough (SMBC style) or maybe 3 panels if
you think up a good pun/punchline.

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lsc
others have made good points (too much text/text too small, also, you need a
funny punchline.)

I have something to add, though; how does this fit into the rest of your
branding? I mean, lately I've been getting a whole lot of customers. The other
day, some guy on twitter pointed me out as 'an excellent example of niche
branding.'

Now, Personally, I chose my style (that is, the minimal theme, figlet instead
of graphics) because I have no taste, but it is a consistent style that I
maintain across my website, advertisements, business cards, and even T shirts.

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windsurfer
I think you just need a squirrel nibbling on the excel logo.

~~~
samh
Noted : Add one Squirrel.

Are you Scott Adams ?

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clistctrl
That comic reminds me of the time when The Daily WTF decided they would make a
web comic.. and the only redeeming quality were the user submitted comment
comics insulting the comic.

Anyways, its a creative idea.

~~~
samh
At the risk of being too much of a smart-arse maybe some self-referencing
could work in the comic.

"Hey dude I hear you're appearing in a comic today.."

