
Are you awkward in social situations? Here's why - beardstrokings
https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/4fmldp/article_do_you_avoid_expressing_yourself_because/
======
lexhaynes
"With a growth mindset, every social interaction is an opportunity to improve.
Saying something awkward is simply an indication that you need to put more
effort into that area. It is not a sign of failure or a reflection of 'who I
am'.

At no point does the OP ever suggest you try to "gamify" your interactions
with people or "evaluate your performance". OP is simply suggesting that a
person who self-perceives as awkward should instead reflect on circumstances
in which they feel that way. OP suggests that one should separate their
behavior/circumstances from their sense of self.

------
reddytowns
I disagree. The idea that you need to "improve" what you say and treat social
situations as some kind of game where you evaluate your performance afterwards
is just crap.

What about just saying the truth for godsakes? How are you ever going to
connect with people in a personal way if you frame the interaction as a game
right from the start?

If you want to improve at social situations, analyze what you feel and why you
feel that way. There is probably something wrong there if you treat them with
too much importance.

~~~
beardstrokings
Umm, I don't think I said that?

The post is essentially trying to give people courage to speak the truth (as
you say).

You say "There is probably something wrong there if you treat social
interactions with too much importance."

The post describes what's wrong. And it also tells you how to treat social
interactions with less importance... by analyzing what you feel and why you
feel that way... as you said.

~~~
reddytowns
You are talking about a game.

You mention "successes and failures" and say that it depends on this "fixed
mindset" vs "growth mindset" stuff. And here you imply the same thing:

"With a growth mindset, every social interaction is an opportunity to improve.
Saying something awkward is simply an indication that you need to put more
effort into that area."

So, if you are trying to "improve", it must be improving at something, which
makes it into a game. Saying something awkward in itself shouldn't be
considered bad or wrong.

You never mentioned the other people in the social situations once in your
article. Isn't that actually the most important thing? What if, for example,
they're assholes? What if you just don't get along with them? Is it a failure
that you aren't compatible with them?

It's like you are trying to create and improve upon some sort of mask in order
to fool people that you are someone you're not. If you are able to do so, not
say "awkward" things, as you wrote, then you have succeeded (and also if you
have a "growth mindset" you can learn to "succeed" more often which is a vast
oversimplification of the mind and damn silly as well). Otherwise, you failed,
and you need to "put more effort into that area". Reevaluate what you did,
basically, so you can improve your mask.

It's ridiculous, and it is a game mindset.

If you want to connect with people, which is what most social situations are
about, you have to start being honest. Concentrate on what's important, which
for most social situations is having _fun_ , finding something you enjoy, and
letting your mind run with that. Not be in this mental deathgrip of constant
thought of self-improvement and self-evaluation that you're espousing.

------
lunchTime42
If it werent for that loner, banging rocks together in a corner for fire and
sharp stones, we would still sit in a cave braiding each others hair and
listening to the shaman telling use the story of the mamoth.

