

Eye Contact - The Invisible Grip - DarrenMills
http://www.esquire.com/features/influence/ESQ0806INFLUENCE_81?click=main_sr

======
chaosmachine
I read this when it was first published in 2006. It's a bit strange to say,
but it actually had a significant impact on my life and how I interact with
people.

~~~
sage_joch
It comes across as hostile ("I thought of it as a kind of dominance, holding
them in the kind of invisible grip you might have once seen employed by a
villain in a DC comic...", etc). Am I interpreting this incorrectly? Can you
elaborate on the impact it's had on your interactions?

~~~
potatolicious
I'll let you know; I've noticed the phenomenon but never put it to use myself.
I will do so over the next few weeks.

One thing the article isn't clear on: is the author simply _staring down_ the
other person (i.e. eye contact with no words), or is he simply maintaining eye
contact while speaking to them?

If the former I'd certainly think that's hostile, if the latter... well.

~~~
mhb
Isn't this a bit of a false dichotomy? There's a middle ground between being
hostile and sociable. People playing a game generally aren't hostile but they
do want to win. One might want to use eye contact to achieve some end result
without wishing the other person ill - which a claim of hostility would
connote.

------
endlessvoid94
This is true, every word. I can absolutely vouch for what this says.

It's quite startling the first few times you try it. Then it gets fun. It's
easy to push it too far.

~~~
dattaway
Eye contact alone is golden. With no words offered from me, the car salesman
negotiated the price of our new car down and double the trade in of our old
car.

~~~
DTrejo
So after his initial offer you remained silent and held eye contact, then he
continued to give you a more favorable deal?

~~~
tricky
I do this every time I'm buying things with negotiable prices. My trick is to
not use any eye contact until negotiation time. The surprise throws most
people off their game enough to give you an advantage. Plus, it is kind of fun
watching someone talk themself out of money. FYI, it doesn't work every time,
typically there will be an awkward silence and I'll have to throw out an
offer.

------
alanthonyc
Just curious: what's with all the esquire.com articles?

~~~
weaksauce
I think it is has a couple factors.

First, a guy who found a site that does not have a lot of articles from it
that are submitted and someone who found that the esquire is a major booster
of karma.(I guess it matters to some people)

Secondly, on the weekends it only takes a few up-votes for a story to reach
the front page.

~~~
philwelch
All the stories were submitted by the same guy, a 3 day old account who's also
submitted fastcompany, popularmechanics, and similar sites.

~~~
coglethorpe
Are all those magazines published by the same company?

~~~
philwelch
Esquire and Popular Mechanics are published by Hearst, but that's the only
commonality, and enough IMO to be a coincidence.

------
lesterbuck
There is quite a body of knowledge about eye contact when applied to hacking
women. Viz. the original experiments by David Shade:
<http://www.fastseduction.com/youarenew/eyecontact.shtml> \- Jeans Joe's
manual on eye contact mastery: <http://www.jeansjoe.net/blog/?p=14> \- Joseph
W. South podcasts with Jeans Joe about eye contact:
[http://www.jeansjoe.net/download/jws.and.jj.-.eye.contact.po...](http://www.jeansjoe.net/download/jws.and.jj.-.eye.contact.podcasts.zip)

~~~
jjs
Hacking whom, now?

~~~
gloob
Jack the Ripper was a pioneer in the field, don't'cha know.

------
korch
It's funny that "The National Association of Staredown Professionals"
mentioned at the bottom of the article is a real organization. I wonder what
their meetings are like?

~~~
pavs
They all blankly stare at each other...

