
Ask HN: I feel like a complete failure. I need a friend. What to do? - d7ba5vux
tl;dr: I need a friend. Please send an email to yb9z35ko@protonmail.com
If you&#x27;re in Vancouver, BC, I&#x27;d also like to meet in person if you&#x27;re ok with that.<p>Hello HN,<p>I&#x27;m feeling like a complete failure, and aside from my parents who are thousands of miles away, I have literally no friends and social contacts. I don&#x27;t know why I&#x27;m posting this here, but you&#x27;re the only community that has managed to keep me engaged throughout the years.<p>I moved to Vancouver, BC to work at a Big N company. I moved alone, because my SO was still finishing college. The plan was to stay in Vancouver for ~2 years, then move to the US under an H-1B or L-1 visa. When I was about to move, my SO got an offer to work in Vancouver at the same company. A remote relationship wasn&#x27;t working well, and I decided to give up on moving to the US to stay with her in Vancouver for 2 more years, at which point we&#x27;d move together to the US.<p>I quit that job for a 50% pay increase at another Big N company. I &quot;lost&quot; every friend I had - all of them moved to the US. It wasn&#x27;t an issue for me, because my SO provided me all the social&#x2F;emotional support I needed, and she kept in touch with my friends anyway.<p>After over 7 years, we decided to break up. She wanted a polyamorous relationship (I was ok with the occasional hookup, but she wants another real relationship now), and I felt insecure about that. We couldn&#x27;t reach an agreement, so we&#x27;re now parting ways.<p>Also for the past 5 years I&#x27;ve been trying to work on side projects, something that could allow me to work on my own. I&#x27;m still in Canada on a work permit, which forces me to work for my current employer, or leave Canada when it expires. I&#x27;m unsatisfied with my job, been overworking and haven&#x27;t got the recognition I wanted.<p>I feel like I lost everything. I&#x27;m still grateful I have a job, but I just don&#x27;t have anything else going on in my life. I really need a friend right now.
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brudgers
Have you considered talking with a mental health professional? Sometimes that
helps someone.

~~~
Phithagoras
If you believe this might be the right course for you, two main resources in
Vancouver (area) are:

[https://counsellingbc.com/counsellors](https://counsellingbc.com/counsellors)

[https://wellbeingscounselling.ca/](https://wellbeingscounselling.ca/)

Counselling is very personal, and finding the right counsellor can be a bit of
a task in itself. Finding someone who you respect, and who you would likely
get along with outside of counselling is usually a good recipe. The first link
allows you to find counsellors by area of practice and each has a short "about
my practice and philosophy".

