

My mom is dying, and my bank account is dry. I need help - helpmymomisx
http://pastebin.com/b6pHpWfR
TL;DR If anyone has any work for me (strengths are Ruby&#x2F;Rails, data mining) please email me. ilovemymomjeanine@gmail.com (will go to my professional email) -- This is in regards to https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;item?id=7214446<p>If you’re in Minnesota and would like to meet with me, let’s meet.<p>Very-long; will read:<p>I’m posting here so I can vent to people that I would normally talk to in my day-to-day life. My life, however, hasn’t felt day-to-day in so long.<p>It’s felt like one, long clusterfuck of a bullet train inside my head.<p>I’m not popular here or in the startup community (in the larger sense). I haven’t worked for any well-known startups nor do I contribute to any open-source projects. I haven’t developed any killer libraries and I don’t belong to mailing lists.<p>But I don’t let that define me. At all.<p>There’s nothing that I haven’t taught myself. I’m very prideful and mostly confident about my abilities, but I don’t consider myself an all-star at any one thing. I’m just pretty damn good at a lot of things.<p>I made a post on the Richard Lynch thread where we were discussing how the healthcare system is failing us because families shouldn&#x27;t struggle to make ends meet. (and thus, my cover is blown) You have to go to page two to see the comment, and for the lazy: https:&#x2F;&#x2F;news.ycombinator.com&#x2F;x?fnid=iFI3WthoE1Lln4guTBx4gL<p>(continued on http:&#x2F;&#x2F;pastebin.com&#x2F;b6pHpWfR)
======
redthrowaway
My father was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in 2007. He died in 2010 at
the age of 60. I was 25. He too had multiple surgeries, chemo, radiation, etc.
While we here in Canada don't pay directly for treatments, there was the cost
of missed work, medical supplies, and the like. The following is directly, and
deeply, informed by my own very personal experiences with cancer:

Let her die.

Chemo isn't going to save her, and it sure as hell won't improve her quality
of life. It will give you maybe an extra year to watch her fade away before
your eyes, and will inflict all manner of pain and discomfort on her in the
process.

Your mother is going to die, far sooner than either of you would wish. That's
unavoidable. What you do have control over is the quality of her life in her
last few months, and in the effect that her passing has on the people she
cares about. You can control how you spend what time you have left, but you
have precious little control over how much of it you have to spend.

I'd suggest reading _How Doctors Die_ [1], a take on how those who have the
most experience with cancer and its treatments choose to deal with it.
Generally speaking, they don't.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I watched my stepmother tear herself apart
refusing to accept the inevitable and pushing for every last available
treatment. The extra six months or so that may have afforded him are not a six
months I would wish on anyone.

You are going to lose your mother, and it will break both of your hearts.
Pumping poison into her and bankrupting your family won't change that. Make
your peace, and let her go.

[1] [http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/20/your-money/how-doctors-
die...](http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/20/your-money/how-doctors-die.html)

~~~
WoodenChair
I'm very sorry about your father. My father was just diagnosed with cancer
(literally today). Obviously what you wrote is not sound advice for all kinds
of cancers. I have two close family relatives who were cured of two different
kinds of cancers (yes "cured", as in they lived for a decade plus after being
cured and one died from other causes and the other is still alive). There are
also people who are cured through these poisons, even of late stage deadly
cancers like stage iv pancreatic:
[http://www.pancan.org/section_stories/story_details.php?id=1...](http://www.pancan.org/section_stories/story_details.php?id=1902&lang=1#.Uw53gNzXGCY)

Ultimately how you choose to treat cancer depends on the stage, type of tumor,
and the advice of your doctors. With that said, there are people who beat even
the deadliest cancers, and that very small chance, is one worth thinking
about.

~~~
redthrowaway
No, it's not for all types of cancer. My advice relates only to those with
terminal, metastatic cancer, and is not an admonition but rather a reflection
on what I wish we had done.

>With that said, there are people who beat even the deadliest cancers, and
that very small chance, is one worth thinking about.

I vividly recall looking at the 5-year survival rates for people diagnosed
with Stage IV colon cancer. <5%. _<_. I don't know if I've ever stared at a
single character on a screen for so long. That was about a year or so before
he died, and I remember the mental gymnastics I went through trying to
rationalize how _he_ would be the exception. At the time, it seemed
unthinkable that we would _give up_. Of _course_ we would pursue every option.

I can't say what I would do if I were in that position again; I can only say
what I wish I'd done at the time.

I wish the best of luck to you and your father.

~~~
WoodenChair
Thanks I'm 26 and my dad is 59 and it's a serious cancer (not that any are
"not serious") so I'm a similar age. I respect your story. I just wanted to
point out the flip side of the equation - the real life, completely true,
stories of the 5%.

~~~
srean
Hey WoodenChair ...

no cerebral HN comment here, just a sincere wish: all the best. Details were
different, but been there, almost, more than once.

------
kjackson2012
I'm sorry for your problems, but could you please clarify a few questions for
me because there are a lot of problems with what I'm reading:

1) You claim to be 22 years old, but your dad hasn't had a relationship with
your mom in 25 years... what does that even mean?

2) You're 22 years old and you accumulated $150k already? What sort of work
did you do, and for how long?

3) You claim to be penniless, but you spend you money on Uber all the time
because you can't drive in the snow? Can you expand on this? Don't you think
that Uber is an expensive choice for someone in your situation?

4) Your credit rating is already "bamboozled" and you're $6k in debt? But
didn't you just have $150k 8 months ago? When did your credit rating start
taking a hit?

5) Could you expand on the treatments that your mom underwent over the last 4
months that cost $150k?

~~~
brd
I have to say I find it suspicious that 284 days ago he posted about how he
had "no cash to build an MVP" and yet 3 months later he had 150k in savings.

[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5727255](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5727255)

~~~
joshmn
It was more of an open-ended question for discussion, and I was wondering how
other people had bootstrapped themselves when they needed to buy product in
order to kickstart something.

~~~
hartator
It doesn't sound like this to me.

It seems you were begging for money for a brand-new project of yours. I
actually remember it from last year. If you were dishonest about money then,
why should we trust you now?

~~~
mcv
Online begging seems increasingly common, and surprisingly effective. This is
not the first case I've encountered.

------
thatthatis
Serious question: Why were these bills paid by the son who would have no
financial obligation in the case of his mother's bankruptcy?

America's health care safety net is bankruptcy and the 'cannot refuse critical
treatment based on ability to pay' role of emergency rooms.

Seems the right course to take in these situations is to string along the
hospitals until it ends up in bankruptcy and only pay out of pocket from the
next generation when a deposit is required before care will be given. I don't
like it, but that's the way the system works currently.

Edited to add: I'm clearly ignorant of some of the mechanics here, so longer
explanations of how things work with illnesses like this would be very much
appreciated.

~~~
meritt
Because on-going treatment for a terminally-ill patient is not something the
hospital will continue to do without being paid. They would cut her off.

~~~
ars
No they won't. The people doing the treatment and the billing department don't
talk to each other.

She might not be able to be transferred to another hospital if there are
outstanding bills, but once inside the hospital they can't refuse to treat.

Plus this is exactly why medicaid exists. She would qualify easily.

~~~
jlgaddis
_Sorry for the extremely long response to such a short statement. The pain
medication I 'm now on makes me "speed" and talk a lot. The girlfriend has
already told me once this evening "I like you better when you're not talking".
:)_

> The people doing the treatment and the billing department don't talk to each
> other.

Don't be so sure. While you're almost certainly correct in the literal sense
_( "[they] don't talk to each other")_, the medical staff working directly
with the patients almost certainly know of your ability to pay.

 _Anecdote_

On October 3rd, I was on the losing end of a (not-at-fault) head-on motorcycle
vs. Jeep Cherokee collision. I had insurance on my motorcycle, of course, but
did not have health insurance at the time. [0]

Five days in the hospital plus three surgeries quickly added up to roughly
$106,000 USD, according to a hospital lien that was filed with the courts --
and that doesn't even include all of the follow-up visits, the ambulance ride
(over $3,000 for a couple mile trip across town), the home health nurses,
nearly three months of physical and occupational therapy, and so on. I haven't
actually added everything up yet, but the total cost is probably somewhere
around $150,000.

(Since someone usually asks... Both of my wrists were broken along with the
femur in my right leg. Initially, they thought that my nose and ankle were
also broken but that turned out to not be the case. I was wheelchair-bound and
couldn't walk for about six weeks, couldn't bathe myself, and couldn't perform
a few other "self-hygiene" activities that I won't mention (use your
imagination -- it's hard to reach certain places when you can't bend your
elbows). Side note: the old joke about having a nurse come and give you baths?
In reality, it's not nearly as hot or sexy as it might sound. :)

However, on pretty much every form that needed a signature while I was in the
hospital, it was noted quite clearly right at the top that I had no health
insurance. That said, I have no reason to believe I was treated any
differently than if I did have health insurance and I am very satisfied with
the level of care that I received. The highly recommended specialist surgeon
who operated on my extremely messed up left wrist cleared his calendar for the
day and made a two-hour (one-way) trip to perform the surgery after finding
out that my injuries were sustained in a motorcycle accident (he is also a
biker).

 _Another anecdote_

I have had a sore throat since Saturday which progressively got worse. After
becoming completely unable to eat or drink anything due to the extreme pain
when swallowing and not being able to sleep at all last (Tuesday) night, I was
waiting at the local walk-in clinic before 0800 this morning when the staff
arrived.

In under an hour, I had been seen by one of the intake nurses, been checked
out by a doctor, diagnosed with an abscess on my tonsils [1], had arrangements
made with an ENT specialist (handled completely by the staff, of course) and
was on my way across town to see the specialist.

At her office, I was "jumped ahead" in line due to the immense pain I was
suffering (as I found out later when I asked just how I managed to get seen so
quickly when the waiting room was packed) and was in the exam room talking
with the specialist within about 20 minutes of my arrival.

Very quickly, her staff had brought in all the necessary tools she needed, and
she went to work spending nearly an hour performing a "needle aspiration" [2]
on a patient whose gag reflex was making it extremely difficult. =)

Fortunately, everything went well. I left and picked up several prescriptions
at the pharmacy and was feeling wonderful just two hours later. I'm writing
this just 10 hours after leaving the specialist's office.

When asked about health insurance upon my arrival at both the walk-in clinic
and the specialist's office, I told the receptionists that I was a "self-pay"
and offered to pay up front. Both times I was told, in effect, "we'll have to
wait until afterwards because we don't know what all will need to be done".
They made a note on the paper work which was passed around between the nurses
and doctors but I wasn't treated any differently in the least (at the
specialist's, "self-pay -- will pay balance at end of visit" was written in
red ink at the top of the first page; it clearly stood out). At the time I was
seen and treated, no one had any idea whether I actually had the ability to
pay a single penny. Despite that, the specialist had already explained that
they were prepared to quickly perform a tonsillectomy (which would, obviously,
have been a much, much more expensive procedure) if the needle aspiration was
not successful.

Before leaving each of the offices, I wrote a personal check to cover the
costs of the exams and procedures (in full). I have no evidence to cite but,
based upon personal knowledge, I would wager that the average uninsured U.S.
resident is not in a position to do so, financially. I am confident, however,
that they would not have been treated any differently. (I was told up front at
the specialist's that I would need to pay at least $35 today but I was not
required or even asked to pay it prior to any services being rendered.) Keep
in mind that this is the same hospital system where I currently have an
outstanding balance of $150,000 or so (although this is more of an issue
between the two insurance companies and not really "my problem" and the
hospital is aware of that).

Again, during the five-day hospitalization after the crash and during my
visits today, I do not feel that I was in any way treated differently because
I do not have health insurance. Perhaps my experiences are anecdotal, but I
simply do not feel that it is correct that ...

> The people doing the treatment and the billing department don't talk to each
> other.

I should make it clear that I am absolutely _NOT_ a fan of the health care
system in the U.S. and I likely wouldn't even believe what I have written
above had I not experienced it firsthand myself.

 _Side note:_ I called up an ex-girlfriend while typing up this novel of a
comment. She's an MSN and the charge nurse in the cardiac department at the
largest local hospital (the same one where I spent five days recently).
According to her, there are some "extras" that a person without health
insurance might not receive (think "fringe benefits" or "above and beyond")
but an individual's insurance coverage/ability to pay (or lack thereof) "isn't
even something that we pay attention to. Insurance info is usually on the
paperwork if they are an existing patient but in my department the patients
are often well into their recovery or have died by the time we would even know
anything about their insurance. If you come onto my floor my first priority is
treating you and doing everything in my power to save your life. Whether or
not you can pay the bill is not an exception to the oath [3] that I took.
Personally, I don't give a shit. That's up to billing to deal with later." (I
quoted here but I'm paraphrasing.)

[0]: After leaving my previous job, I maintained COBRA for 18 months but it
had since elapsed and I had not gotten around to signing up with my current
employer's health insurance plan (and still haven't, actually. Note to self.).

[1]:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peritonsillar_abscess](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peritonsillar_abscess)

[2]: using a large needle to puncture the abscess and withdraw the built-up
pus and blood

[3]:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippocratic_Oath](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippocratic_Oath)

~~~
FireBeyond
Some random thoughts, as a recent hospital patient and EMT/paramedic.

\- You think your bill for $150,000 is bad for your car-bike MVA? I had a
kidney stone and walked away with a bill for $58,000 (thankfully I had
insurance).

\- I don't work (you didn't claim I did) for an ambulance service that
performs "wallet biopsies" on scene. Never heard of that term until The
Sopranos came along. Interesting fact - in most states, ambulance costs,
private or otherwise, are regulated, and must be registered - and approved -
by the DOH EMS and Trauma department. This is due to the fact that very many,
if not most, of the people who receive this service have only "implicitly
consented" to it.

\- you're right, we don't care about insurance - nor do the docs we work with.

\- Your ex-gf swore the Hippocratic Oath? Out of curiosity, at what school?
Mainly because it's generally the Declaration of Geneva these days... only 2%
of medical schools use the Oath... fun fact, the Oath forbids the use of the
knife on flesh, which might be ... problematic ... for surgeons.

------
grecy
Will it take every single voting age person in America having a first-hand
experience like this to change health care?

How can any sane person prefer this over the alternative offered by Developed
countries?

~~~
soperj
Main reason I never want to live in America is health care. Just knowing that
no matter what I'll be admitted to the hospital and treated is something I
never want to live without. *2nd reason would be gun violence.

~~~
declan
You seem to be mistaken on both counts.

First, a federal law called EMTALA requires hospitals to provide emergency
treatment regardless of citizenship or ability to pay.

Second, there is more violence in the UK (about 2.5x-3x times as much per
capita -- 993 violent crimes/100K vs. 399 violent crimes/100K) than the United
States. And more pro-2A decisions from courts have led to a trend of reduction
in US gun violence, including DC murders falling below triple digits post-
Heller for the first time since 1963. (Of course it's possible that you live
in a very peaceful society and view the UK as also having an unacceptable
level of violence.)

Now you may or may not choose to ever live in the United States; I don't care
and it doesn't affect me either way. But you may want to educate yourself
first.

~~~
robotresearcher
Those violent crimes in the UK don't tend to involve guns and/or becoming
dead.

UK homicide rate: 1.2 per 100,000 persons US homicide rate: 4.7 per 100,000
persons

You are more than twice as likely to get beaten up in the UK than the US. You
are around 4 times as likely to be murdered in the US than the UK.

[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_intentiona...](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_intentional_homicide_rate)

The UK has a violence problem, probably at least in part due to the drinking.
I feel less safe in London than LA. But it is crazy to deny that US gun
violence isn't a thing.

~~~
declan
Nobody is saying that gun violence doesn't exist (though I wonder how much is
limited to inner cities in areas none of us want to live in if we have a
choice).

But we're talking at cross purposes. The first post talked about violence. The
second talked about violence. The third in the sequence, yours, switched the
discussion to talk about _homicides_. Not all violent crimes are homicides.

~~~
robotresearcher
Quoting the first post

"*2nd reason would be gun violence."

The frequency of violence in the US is lower, but the death rate due to
violence is much higher. Violence seems to be much more lethal in the US, for
some reason.

------
staunch
It's a fucking embarrassment that there isn't an obvious person to call for
help here.

I wish there was an organization that would help people navigate their
healthcare. Like a medical concierge/social worker. Someone is an expert on
The System and acts entirely on your behalf.

The would oversee your entire healthcare. They book your appointments, remind
you to go, handle most billing issues, make sure you're up to date on
prescriptions, and even provide emotional support. They involve themselves
_deeply_ with your medical care the way an old loyal family doctor might. All
you do is be the patient.

You would have to hire and train amazingly great people, but I think there's
enough good people in the world that would find the work so fulfilling you
could make it work.

Medical problems can be incredibly sad, lonely, scary and it's the one place
where procrastination literally kills. Regardless of how crazily you could
spend a project like this it would _still_ probably pay for itself based on
early detection, better outcomes, etc.

~~~
maxerickson
[http://minnesotahelp.info/Public/default.aspx?se=healthcare](http://minnesotahelp.info/Public/default.aspx?se=healthcare)

~~~
staunch
Looks like a reasonably useful resource but there's no where there he can call
to get the service I just described.

~~~
maxerickson
Sure, it would be nice if there was a single point of contact. Minnesota
appears to do things at a county level:

[http://www.dhs.state.mn.us/main/idcplg?IdcService=GET_DYNAMI...](http://www.dhs.state.mn.us/main/idcplg?IdcService=GET_DYNAMIC_CONVERSION&RevisionSelectionMethod=LatestReleased&dDocName=id_000297#)

(that's a couple of clicks from my other link)

The point is, there are resources to access. Hopefully they have been looked
into already.

------
emperorcezar
American health care is one of the biggest worries in my life. I don't hold my
breath about it being fixed though.

------
rl3
> Does my family qualify for assistance? No. Plain and simple.

Can you elaborate on this?

Prestigious, well-endowed, non-profit hospitals - typically major university
medical centers - usually have the most robust financial assistance programs
available. Most of them will simply write off the cost of your treatment if
you really can't afford it.

I can't say for sure how it works for terminally ill cancer patients, but, I
haven't seen anything to indicate disqualification or lack of coverage would
take place. I'm sure it depends on the hospital though.

If she's currently receiving treatment from a for-profit hospital without deep
pockets, then it's a safe bet their financial assistance program(s) are
probably bullshit.

~~~
nickff
From what I have read, the for-profit hospitals spend the same or more
resources on helping financially strapped patients compared to their non-
profit counterparts.[1]

[1]
[http://www.cbo.gov/sites/default/files/cbofiles/ftpdocs/76xx...](http://www.cbo.gov/sites/default/files/cbofiles/ftpdocs/76xx/doc7695/12-06-nonprofit.pdf)

~~~
rl3
Sorry, I should have made it more clear I was speaking in context of coverage
for exorbitantly expensive, state-of-the-art cancer treatment. Interesting
paper, though.

------
higherpurpose
Have you considered moving her for treatment to another country, like in
France or Germany? I don't think they'll rip you off as much, and they'll
treat you much better.

[http://blogs.reuters.com/anya-schiffrin/2014/02/12/the-
frenc...](http://blogs.reuters.com/anya-schiffrin/2014/02/12/the-french-way-
of-cancer-treatment/)

------
mclenithan
I have been seeing this a bit on HN... To the OP and anyone else dealing with
a situation similar:

This is going to be the worst time of your life. God forbid you have to go
through it multiple times. You can't "save" people. Their misfortune is not
your fault. You support, as much as you fucking can, you pay bills, you
sacrifice, you love, you care, you show up! But at the end of the day, try to
feel the love and not the anger and depression.

It won't "save" your loved ones, but you can save yourself from letting their
sickness eat you as well. I feel so bad for this kid, real or not. I was just
their in December and lost my second parent. I too share the burden of debt
and stress and nightmares, all of which are immense. I hope she makes it, and
if she does, give her the time with her son that she probably deserves. If she
doesn't, you should first focus on just breathing, the rest of your future is
dictated by letting your emotions go the course and not regretting supporting
your loved one through the fight.

It's kind of like being a boat with your loved one and it's sinking. Everyone
is watching it sink. You scream and yell all you want, but everyone knows its
going down. Soon you sink and it stills shocks you, even though you also knew
it was going to happen. Don't try to breath underwater.

------
helpmymomisx
I’m 22. I’m stressed. Everything’s fucked up. My mom is dying. I need help.

TL;DR If anyone has any work for me (strengths are Ruby/Rails, data mining)
please email me. ilovemymomjeanine@gmail.com (will go to my professional
email) -- This is in regards to
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7214446](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7214446)

If you’re in Minnesota and would like to meet with me, let’s meet.

Very-long; will read:

I’m posting here so I can vent to people that I would normally talk to in my
day-to-day life. My life, however, hasn’t felt day-to-day in so long.

It’s felt like one, long clusterfuck of a bullet train inside my head.

I’m not popular here or in the startup community (in the larger sense). I
haven’t worked for any well-known startups nor do I contribute to any open-
source projects. I haven’t developed any killer libraries and I don’t belong
to mailing lists.

But I don’t let that define me. At all.

There’s nothing that I haven’t taught myself. I’m very prideful and mostly
confident about my abilities, but I don’t consider myself an all-star at any
one thing. I’m just pretty damn good at a lot of things.

I made a post on the Richard Lynch thread where we were discussing how the
healthcare system is failing us because families shouldn't struggle to make
ends meet. (and thus, my cover is blown) You have to go to page two to see the
comment, and for the lazy:
[https://news.ycombinator.com/x?fnid=iFI3WthoE1Lln4guTBx4gL](https://news.ycombinator.com/x?fnid=iFI3WthoE1Lln4guTBx4gL)

My mom isn’t well. While her tumor is shrinking (it was originally the size of
a baseball), her doctors continuously insist on more and more treatment to get
it as small as possible, even though it’s stage-IV. Her treatments are so
fucking specialized that even after the insurance company does their thing,
we’re still out five-figures per treatment. It’s insane, and criminal. When
asked if there were any alternatives, the reply is always, “this is what we
have to treat her with. There’s nothing around it.”

While I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m confident in saying that someone is
getting paid. Guess what? It’s not my mom.

There was news today, however, that with four more months of what she’s doing
with her treatments, she might have bought herself another year to live. If
everything goes to plan, she’d able to pump the brakes on all these hardcore
treatments.

In August of 2013, I had in excess of $150k in my savings. This was from good
client relationships, an acquisition, some domains I sold, a lucky lotto
ticket, and always being thrifty. (and not spending money on clothes, though I
desperately need some)

When it was confirmed she was very ill in late October of 2013, I moved back
home. I packed up all my stuff, said cheers to my startup fam on the coast
(which I was going to do anyway), and began a frivolous job hunt. I sold my
car, and everything I could, because I knew what was about to come.

My bank account is nearly dry. It’s currently sitting at $10. Yes, just $10.
My checking account is at $1.26, and there are no pending checks, or wires,
coming my way.

Where did the money go? 97% of it went to my mom’s bills: 4 months of
treatments, drugs, hospital visits, seeing specialists…

My father, who is a good man some of the time, hasn’t had a relationship with
my mother for 25 years. How they popped out three kids is beyond me. (it’s
funny because if you look at our birthdays, our dates of conception are all
holidays!) There are politics behind that which I don’t care to go into but
will if asked.

Sometimes he’s a good father, particularly to my brother -- why? I don’t know.
He does nothing special, and has an assortment of issues (violence, anger). My
sister, being the only girl of two generations on my father’s side, is of
course spoiled endlessly.

My sister, while we’re on the subject: She’s my best friend, and she sticks up
for me whenever my family (“ “) decides to talk shit about me -- because I’ve
been so removed for so long, and still misunderstood, my mother/father/brother
assume the things that happened so many years ago and applies them now. My
sister will plead with them in tears in her eyes, begging for them to just get
the facts straight.

What does my word mean? Very little to them. To my sister? Everything.

Here’s a picture.
[http://i.imgur.com/EZNKdI0.png](http://i.imgur.com/EZNKdI0.png) Yes, she is
beautiful.

My father is able to provide the basics, but not able to assist in the bigger
picture of things for reasons I’m not cleared to know. He was taken back by me
taking control up until this point, but now the future is up in the air. Will
she get her treatments? That depends if it becomes classified as “emergency”
by the hospital. I’ve spoken with the Patient Advocate Foundation and this is
unfortunately the news I got.

Does my family qualify for assistance? No. Plain and simple.

Will my father step in? He didn’t for his own mother who he was close to, so
I’m just going to assume he’ll continue to be negligent.

I can’t take out a loan because my credit is bamboozled. I’m already in about
$6k in debt and it’s not fun.

I’m desperate to do what I can for my mom. I haven’t always been the best of
son, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not trying to be now. I am doing what I
would do for anyone, and because it’s my mom, it’s all that more dear to my
heart.

I have a (mostly) full-time job right now, co-founding a startup that we’re
bootstrapping. I’m yet to get a paycheck after almost 2 months of work because
my co-founder hit a snag with some investors from a previous gig. I’m OK with
this because in the long-run things will be golden. While those checks would
be nice, they don’t cover much unfortunately. Thankfully, though, I have a lot
of what I need to do done, so I’m able to look for other work to fill the
gaps.

I’d get a full-time job but I don’t have a car and I live in the deep suburbs
of Minneapolis. I’m also terrified of driving in the snow (PTSD). I Uber
everywhere (I won some monthly credit on my account a while ago).

If anyone has any work they can kick off their hands / can put me to use for,
I’d be gracious to take it. I know my ways with Ruby and I do love Rails.
Lately I’ve whipped up some SaaS platforms, written APIs, conquered APIs,
mined iTunes/Play Stores, built my mom an app to keep track of her meds, stuff
like that. I’ll email a portfolio / linkedin / whatever when we talk.

To all of you, "Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”

~~~
lobotryas
To me it sounds like you never had a long-term plan for the treatment or your
own future. You jumped in, blew your savings, and now you're stuck.

It's too late for "could-have, should-have", but if you somehow manage to
procure more money, at least consider alternatives such as slower treatment
schedules or flying your mother to a country where such treatments are cheaper
(India comes to mind as a potential option)[0]. Also, consider a second
opinion to understand whether continued treatments will make a fundamental
difference.

>I’m also terrified of driving in the snow (PTSD). I Uber everywhere

I've heard of PTSD from rape or war, but this is totally new to me. What
happened?

>I’m yet to get a paycheck after almost 2 months of work because my co-founder
hit a snag with some investors from a previous gig. I’m OK with this because
in the long-run things will be golden.

That sounds very strange to me. If my family was in need, I personally would
jump on a first job with a stable paycheck that I could get so I could (slowly
but surely) provide money. This seems like poor timing to bet on a lottery
ticket (which, as HN reminds us, most startups are).

[0] - inb4/none of these are an option because reasons

~~~
brenschluss
>To me it sounds like you never had a long-term plan for the treatment or your
own future. You jumped in, blew your savings, and now you're stuck.

You think that the OP is to blame for not having a long-term plan for a
scenario in which one's very close family member is diagnosed with a
previously unknown disease and $150k is not enough to take care of that?

You think this is an instance of _poor planning_ on the OP's fault?

~~~
lobotryas
I do.

Cancer kills quickly, but not "tomorrow" quickly. This gives an opportunity to
consider the big picture and how you'll navigate this challenge. The OP
himself writes that his savings lasted for 4+ months. I was surprised that, in
this timeframe, zero thought appears to have been given to the question: "What
happens when my money runs out?".

The final outcome may have been the same (asking for donations online), but
you'd be starting out early instead of with your back against the wall. Same
as with startup funding: if you look for funding only when you're out of
runway, you'll have a next-to-impossible time of securing it (or securing it
on good terms).

~~~
brenschluss
Okay! Scenario time! Same thing happens to you, or your family. A family
member has cancer. It's going to cost $50k and a few months. What do you do?

Oh wait. Instead of $50k, it's more like $75k. Actually, make that $125k. But
it's going to be $125k and no more.

Just kidding. In fact, because I'm playing the role of Life + Healthcare in
this scenario, I'm going to lob a little bit more at you. In fact, it's going
to be $1M. (Think this is implausible? Sorry, it's not. [1]) What are you
going to do? Also, I may up that number a little bit more, just for kicks.
What are your plans?

[1]
[http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/02/tim_a...](http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/02/tim_armstrong_blames_distressed_babies_for_aol_benefit_cuts_he_s_talking.html)

~~~
lobotryas
Your post may be more convincing if you outlined your actual point instead of
relying on hypothetical scenarios. My only guess at what you're saying is:
"Healthcare costs can be unpredictable." That's a fair assumption, but it
fails to negate my previous point in any way.

------
jnardiello
I'm always astonished on how BAD the situation with Health care actually _is_
over there. Surely the best, you just need to be rich. It's just disgusting.

------
heidijavi
Sorry to hear about this. Do you have a portfolio/github where I can check
your ruby on rails previous code?

~~~
joshmn
I don't, I actually have everything with Beanstalk (private repos)

inb4 someone says "that's $$$ that you could be spending on yo momma" \-- I
used to sleep with one of their execs and put me the plan they give their
employees.

~~~
holyjaw
Clone some things over to a public repo – even just some stuff you think
showcases your skills.

------
joshmn
Thank you for reading my story and hearing me out.

~~~
pgrote
Do you have a way people can send money?

------
protomyth
I still wish that instead of some massive, problematic bill, we had got
something that would stop disasters like this.

I really wish a simple fee[1] had been added to insurance plans, paid to the
government, to cover a "catastrophic care" insurance to pick up all bills over
$50K or maybe $75K. It would have save everyone on premiums[2] and stopped the
destruction of a family by one event. Instead we got targeted, issue-based
freebees.

1) Government should just add all the uninsured

2) having a max payout on an incident of care makes for some interesting
changes to risk

------
kendalk
I lost my Mom to cancer in September. Cancer is a nightmare. My heart goes out
to you.

They didn't catch my Mom's cancer until it was already Stage 4 and the size of
an orange to grapefruit. She developed massive ascites which caused her to
gain 30+lbs of fluid. People don't know how bad cancer is until you live it
first-hand.

I was my Mom's full-time caregiver. It was hard. But now that I can look back,
I feel privileged to have been able to be with her.

Do you know what the word "diaper" is spelled the other way around? Repaid.

------
rhspeer
Post on ruby.mn, with a link to a github account with some code samples,
preferably with a unit test.

Minnesota is an outstanding place that has programs in place for these sorts
of things, and plenty of work. The winters are brutal, but the people are well
read & kind.

In fact I referred a PHP transplant from DC to 4 startups today, I'll email
you for your deets and get the ball rolling.

[UPDATE] Meeting at Spyhouse NE to get him sorted @7 we'll be the ones dressed
as nerds by accident instead of on purpose.

------
dynabros
Have you thought about applying for medicaid? As far as I understand they
cover all your medical expenses, as long as you're making below a certain
amount per year?

~~~
joshmn
My father makes too much. :(

------
snorkel
That's a tough read, wish I could help. Shame on the other readers who want to
lecture you and quiz you instead.

Seems to me many people don't realize that the uninsured only have access to
emergency room treatment only, and cancer therapy is not provided by the ER.
If you're not insured and you can't pay then you don't get therapy, it's sadly
that simple.

------
fredgrott
Some advice..

He needs to consult with a patient advocate that knows Medicaid procedures. IT
will be frustrating..more so since he needed to do it in the fall of 2013.

[http://www.medicaid.gov/Medicaid-CHIP-Program-
Information/By...](http://www.medicaid.gov/Medicaid-CHIP-Program-
Information/By-State/minnesota.html)

------
altero
To be honest I am not sure this is US only fail.

In Europe cancer is treated for free. But there is barrier which prevents
doctors from puring money into terminal patients. Some special procedures
available in US are not on the list (not accredited yet). Some others have
priority queue and person over 50 would not have a chance to qualify.

------
blablabla123
Horrible to hear. My mother died when I was at a similar age. Although there
was little support from my family either, I live in Germany, so the state pays
for Health care and there is welfare for people who cannot work.

And still the stress seemed overwhelming. But in comparison I really can't
complain...

~~~
JanSt
Same here. I've been 17 when my mother died of cancer. Reading this, I'm happy
to live in Germany.

------
andrewpi
What is the 'max out of pocket' on your mother's insurance plan? With many
plans I've seen, once you've paid out of pocket X thousands of dollars for the
year, the insurance picks up 100% of the cost, as long as you are seeking
treatment at an in-network provider.

------
mpunaskar
Can you let us know your paypal account where ppl can send money or any other
way to send money to you?

------
rjammala
Sorry to hear this. Do you have an account where we can donate money?

~~~
joshmn
It's hard for me to accept handmeouts, but if anyone decides to be insisting,
I'll vow to pay it forward (I always do) and even start a blog about the
course of the treatments (with pictures of paid bills, etc.) I'm a big
believer in full-disclosure.

I made the account under ilovemymomjeanine@gmail.com and I'll follow up with
you with pictures of the paid invoices. I know there are trolls that do this,
but for all that I have, I'm not one.

------
DanBC
one consequence of the US system is that treatment ends up on the bills.

How can children have confidential access to a doctor when that doctor visit
will appear onthe bill?

This prevents young people from seeking help for a range of problems including
sexual health and self harm.

------
OhHeyItsE
"I feel sorry for you but your mom should have worked harder to get a better
job that had better insurance. If we just give people free healthcare, it will
breed laziness"

-typical HN libertarian. They'll show up, just wait.

