
Are You Stuck in a Girls' Club? - dwynings
http://blogs.hbr.org/johnson/2011/12/are-you-stuck-in-a-girls-club.html
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Aaronontheweb
As it is with most things in life - you will not be given that for which you
do not ask.

There's a bit of subtle social normed behavior described by the author in her
anecdote about the male VC introducing two female CEOs to each other - I'd
probably do the same thing in the VC's position (offer an unsolicited
introduction to another female CEO) because I don't know what is most
comfortable for the female introducee due to how relatively rare they are.

However, if I'm given a specific ask for introduction in the form of "someone
who can help me [accomplish business goal X]" then that tears down some doors
for me when it comes to putting my political capital to work.

In a way, what the author describes is a kind of Abeliene Paradox (inability
to manage agreement)... If the male party assumes that the female party wants
introductions to other females and the female party doesn't specify otherwise,
then that's what's going to happen.

Great read!

~~~
jvm
> As it is with most things in life - you will not be given that for which you
> do not ask.

I agree with everything in your comment, but I would have emphasized that
unlike women, men do not need to ask to be introduced to men, which is a major
material advantage that men have in business over women. I do think it is
awkward to have to ask for something like that.

In any case, it's great to get the word out there that this is something that
women have to compensate for, both so men are aware of it and as a tip to
women on how to get those male connections.

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dmor
Asking for what you need, being prepared to describe who you need to be
introduced to in order to move your business forward, and honoring
introductions from others are best practices for business networking whether
male or female. If you are getting introduced to a lot of women, it might be
because you are sending the message to the world that furthering women in
business is your #1 priority -- and people are eager to help others achieve
their goals. As Warren Buffet says, "you attract what you are".

~~~
jvm
I agree, but I think it's important to recognize that one of the disadvantages
women have in business that they probably give off the impression "that
furthering women in business is your #1 priority" simply by being women, and
so, unlike men, they have to work to actively combat that presupposition.

~~~
ahoyhere
jvm, I think a big reason this happens to women is because they make their
femaleness a thing: they talk about it, write about it, etc.

They may not INTEND to sound as if "furthering women is job #1" -- but they
give out a message that it's _important_ to them, perhaps inadvertently.

This won't-intro-me-to-men thing has never happened to me. However, I don't
make a big deal out of the fact that I'm a woman. I also don't tend to do
things like go to "girl geek dinners" or whatever, because I find them sexist
& obnoxious.

What does happen to me is that women "in technology" will presume that I am
interested in them, agree with them, support their agenda, value the things
they value, etc., simply because I have breasts and a vagina. Which irritates
the daylights out of me. (Their presumption, that is, not my equipment.)

The OP author makes a great point -- try to meet the people who are the best
people for you to meet, regardless of in-born traits. I definitely agree with
it. I simply also believe women have more of a hand in causing these
situations for themselves than they want to admit.

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masmullin
Why is every gender centric post here on HN about "making connections" and
"growing your network" ?

You want to advance; focus on adding value to the company and do a good
fucking job!

~~~
nn2
Those who can do. Those who don't connect.

~~~
skore
Your comment severely lacks exactly two commas.

------
johnohara
"That which you seek is seeking you." \- Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi, "Rumi"
(30 September 1207 - 17 December 1273)

~~~
anamax
I didn't know that cheeseburgers could "seek".

