
Ask HN: How to Deal with Death Anxiety? - czatt
I started having frequent anxiety &#x2F; panic attacks related to death about 2 weeks ago, and am not sure why. First layer is, I am afraid of my own death, mainly because I am afraid of the unknown I believe. Second layer is I am afraid of the impending doom of humanity, even if it is in a trillion years when the sun expands and covers Earth&#x27;s orbit. Do any of you know coping mechanisms to deal with this? I am hoping I am not alone in this issue, because it is really scary.
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Engineering-MD
Not alone, I had this a few years ago but got over it. How you deal with this
depends on your own mental structure. You could try an abstract form of
denial. Examples of this include religion with afterlife, quantum immortality,
epistemological immortality, or ‘it’s all a simulation’. See also qualia, and
extended conscious experience.

Alternatively, you can practice nihilism. Nothing really matters, including
life itself. What does it matter if humanity ends? Life has no point so if we
die, so why should you care if it happens?

You can practice pragmatism. Death is inescapable, and there is nothing that
can be done about it, so don’t worry about it. What will happen will happen.
Might as well get on with life in the mean time and worry about death when
you’re dead.

Acknowledge that death may be good in some contexts. Some suffering (like
depression, torture) is worse than death. Death provides an end to suffering.
Death is the great leveller as fuck and poor, success failure alike will all
die the same. It takes the pressure of succeeding in life off.

You could also simply be thankful that life exists at all.

Discuss with your friends and family. Often they have good insight. If you
find that you are still struggling do add others suggest and seek medical help
as this may be the manifestation of a mental health problem which could be
treated. But don’t worry, most people go through something similar at summer
point of their life, especially if they are the questioning type. I have
personally adopted a bit of a mix of all the above, and it’s really broadened
my love philosophy and I’ve become a better person for it.

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octosphere
Everything is a _bardo_ [0]. I learned that from The Tibetan Book of Living
and Dying. I tested out the theory and it's the truest thing I ever heard. A
bardo basically means 'in between'. We are forever in between something, never
having truly finished it, including life itself. It's just one long infinite
attempt to get to the next phase, and then once we are in the new phase, we
are striving for another phase. For some this is Samsara, or the hedonic
treadmill, for others it's a great relief knowing everything is essentially
unfinished.

[0] [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bardo](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bardo)

------
tony
Erich Fromm is a psychoanalyst that emphasized human beings are set apart from
other animals, one reason dealing us the ominous cognizance of mortality.

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erich_Fromm](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erich_Fromm)

In Terror management theory, we as individuals and society are all faced with
the existential inevitability of death, so we try to enforce cultural things
and rally around them to ease the anxious feelings. As individuals TMT posits
we try to boost our self esteem to that end.

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terror_management_theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terror_management_theory),
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vy4W1s0vyJ4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vy4W1s0vyJ4)
(covers Fromm, TMT)

Also it's reassuring 1.) You don't love death (Fromm considered that to be the
absolute worst of states of mind) 2.) that you're looking for social assurance
3.) finally hopefully you're pleased to find you're not alone in your
feelings, mortality salience / death anxiety is an established concept. Why
else would people be intrigued by all Doomsday movies / documentaries?

Fromm is very interesting to read on OP. He went into social and political
psychology and, despite noting mortality, espoused an optimistic outlook on
society and humanity. His concepts of escape mechanisms are genius and
understated.

There's no where to go but up from here, hopefully!

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tucaz
There are two kinds of things that happen in life. The ones you can control
and the ones you can’t.

By definition, it doesn’t make sense to worry about things you can’t control.

It took my a while to accept that, but once I did life got better. Give it a
try.

------
DoreenMichele
Some thoughts:

1\. Blog or keep a journal. It may help you sort this.

2\. Stop reading/watching "the news." Most _news_ is _bad news._ It's known to
negatively impact mental health to focus overly much on it.

3\. Actively go looking for positives, a la "count your blessings." It can
help counteract our tendency to only not bad news and not acknowledge things
that are going right or doing well.

4\. You might consider confronting your fear. Perhaps you could volunteer at a
hospice.

(This list not comprehensive.)

~~~
kleer001
> Stop reading/watching "the news."

This. News is new, not necessarily deep or important, usually neither.

~~~
DoreenMichele
To clarify how awful the news is:

The predicted the Kuwaiti oil fires would burn for years and be a global
disaster. When they were put out in six months because crack teams from around
the world converged on Kuwait and invented new techniques, we did not break
out the champagne and dance in the streets around the world. We barely noticed
as we moved on to talking about our latest crisis.

It's essentially brainwashing. It's not objective reality. Objective reality
would celebrate something like that as vigorously as we lamented the expected
coming disaster. But we never do.

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wayoverthecloud
I went through this recently. Exactly what you went through. Combined with the
intense feeling that everything is meaningless. No amount of reading did
anything for me. I tried to change my views and everything, but nope.

Then I went to a psychiatrist. Got prescribed benzodiapenes. Two weeks on it,
every existential thoughts vanished. I felt normal again. Then my doc stopped
it. Got some severe withdrawals from the benzos. I would never ever touch
benzos with a 3 foot pole again. Even after 3 months of leaving benzos I have
some bouts of anxiety. I use Ashwagandha regularly. To me it's been life
changing. The thoughts don't completely vanish but even if it comes, it makes
you feel meh. Also travel. Traveling a lot helped me. Made me focus outwards
rather than my inner voice. Traveling, going out a lot, Ashwagandha and
talking to people is what's helping me by a significant amount.

I am not a native speaker, so if anything confuses you please ask away :)

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tudorw
You are certainly not alone, perhaps investigate more about the subject, it's
inevitable, yet treated in a myriad of ways by different cultures. Perhaps
there is something going on around you that at this time has posed questions
you've not considered before. It's common for people to have a short spell of
panic attacks then not be bothered by symptoms again. Regarding the actual
attacks, you would perhaps benefit from looking into the physiological
background, what process this is triggering in your body, and how you can
learn to exert control over it, it is my understanding that a panic attack
should not cause any harm in and of itself, though of course, the experience
is unpleasant and scary, both for the sufferer and those around them at the
time.

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yamrzou
I recently went through few death related panic attacks. I ended up going to
the doctor who prescribed an anti-stress drug, which made me somehow calmer.
The anxiety increases whenever I feel my health is deteriorating, so taking
care of your health can be helpful.

But what makes it completely disappear for me is a different thing. I’m
religious and I believe in the afterlife. That makes me comfortable with the
idea of death, but doesn’t prevent me from having anxiety, as I believe my
outcome is tied to how well I’m behaving/avoiding and repenting for my wrong
deeds. Basically whenever I’m sufficiently happy with my actions, the anxiety
disappears.

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helph67
I'm have no medical qualifications but suggest that you consider if taking
magnesium may help. [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/magnesium-the-most-
powerf_b_4...](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/magnesium-the-most-
powerf_b_425499)

You may already be obtaining sufficient through your diet and should consider
your doctor's opinion.

Perhaps religion may provide the answer?
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism#The_cycle_of_rebirth](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhism#The_cycle_of_rebirth)

------
Nextgrid
My way of dealing with this is to think that there was nothing (no suffering,
no "being stuck in a dark senseless place forever", etc) before I was born, so
logically these things will not be an issue when I die either.

My only regret is that all the experience & knowledge I would've acquired
before my death would go to waste, but it's not serious enough to be anxious
about.

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meiraleal
I deal with both situations with the same mindset:

1\. my death is gonna happen in my lifetime

2\. the doom of humanity will not

So with both statements, what I can do is live my life the best way I can. and
of course, I do the best for case 1 to happen as late as possible.

------
quietthrow
Download headspace meditation app. Pay the money. It’s worth the subscription.
Can’t put a price on your (mental) health. Take the courses related to anxiety
management.

You can do this. Take care of yourself

~~~
octosphere
Or learn to meditate without crutches like this. I've learned to not rely on
something _outside_ of myself for my own peace of mind. That's what meditation
is about: getting to know your inner self and calling upon your inner calm to
face difficult situations.

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kleer001
possibly magic mushrooms?

[https://vancouversun.com/health/local-health/b-c-
counsellor-...](https://vancouversun.com/health/local-health/b-c-counsellor-
wants-health-canada-to-approve-psilocybin-to-treat-death-anxiety)

IMHO this is the first important existential barrier to break through. Nearly
everyone goes through this, the sooner the better.

In this pursuit the Serenity Prayer is great. It sounds cliche, but repeat it
enough it and becomes profound and comforting.

~~~
murm
I thought about this too, but I don't know if it is a smart idea if you're
suffering from frequent panic attacks. However, the scientists at Johns
Hopkins University have studied the effects of psilocybin on terminally ill
patients for their death-related anxiety and a psilocybin-induced spiritual
experience seems to alleviate it. I would say that if you decide to go along
this path, don't venture on it haphazardly and do thorough research beforehand
to know what you're getting into.

Here's a couple of participants talking about their experience:

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaXJbNXsqmQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kaXJbNXsqmQ)

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRn_HD7nH8g](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRn_HD7nH8g)

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rolph
three certainties of life you will grow old, you will grow sick, you will die.

the uncertainties come from how you choose to act in the face of these
certainties, and from external coincidences that are greater than yourself.

my strategy, strive to read/write something that will make you look good or
enigmatic in some way if you are found dead with it open in front of you.
create something bigger than yourself, that lasts beyond generations and
screams "I was here, and this is what I was!"

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TexasBuckeye
Meditate on the thins that you CAN control and do not sweat the things that
you cannot. Knowing the difference is wisdom - not intelligence.

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jryan49
CBT, therapy from a good therapist (not easy or cheap to come by), possibly
drugs (antidepressants, benzos)

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mranswer
Accept that you cannot control everything. Everybody dies. Make it count

