Ask HN: What’s your favorite mental model / framework for self development? - yarapavan
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afarrell
Gardening.

As an engineer I like to imagine I can build and the structure stays up like a
stone arch.

But a person and even a habit is not stone or silicon but _living_. So what
does it even mean to "work on" something which is living?

Gardening

You absolutely _can_ build terraces and trellises. And self-help books can
give you great seeds and saplings.

Yet there will always be watering and weeding to be done.

If you want your life to bear the fruit of __your __choice, it is up to you to
rise __every ____morning __and tend to your garden.

~~~
afarrell
There are a few places you can take this metaphor.

1\. You probably do not want to plant cotton[1] year-after-year. Know the
things which sustain your soil and put in the effort to nurture them as well.

2\. Be careful of trying to regularize[2] your life too much.

[1] [https://www.vox.com/2015/7/13/8948477/george-washington-
carv...](https://www.vox.com/2015/7/13/8948477/george-washington-carver) (But
also be wary of letting woo keep you from doing what you need. Getting actual
medication for my ADHD has been life-changing.)

[2] [https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/03/16/book-review-seeing-
lik...](https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/03/16/book-review-seeing-like-a-
state/)

~~~
nishparadox
Side Note on [2]: "slatestarcodex for now is deleted due to privacy issues
with NYT and Scott...

------
imakwana
Compounding of continuous improvement in daily life, similar to compounding of
an equity portfolio. In other words, focusing on "Aggregation of Marginal
Gains" in all aspects of life [1]. [1] [https://jamesclear.com/marginal-
gains](https://jamesclear.com/marginal-gains)

------
muzani
Your natural actions are based off your identity. Your identity is based off
your actions and your environment.

The most effective way to change your motivation level is to change your
identity. Forcing yourself to be motivated drains your willpower and is
ineffective - it's sort of like a CEO yelling at sales to sell more. The most
efficient motivation programs succeed by getting you to change who you are by
the end of the session. Faking it before you make it is a good way to do so,
because your identity is shaped by your actions.

For example, instead of motivating yourself to exercise, you adopt the
identity of an attractive person. If your body goes out of shape, your mind
takes action to fix it. Instead of scheduling time for gym, you just sneak
time off to go there and schedule time for other things.

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lukepushlabs
The reflected best self is a cool model that argues you should focus on
strengthening the areas you already excel in and really leaning in on where
you are at your best.

[https://hbr.org/2005/01/how-to-play-to-your-
strengths](https://hbr.org/2005/01/how-to-play-to-your-strengths)

It kind of plays into other ideas / books like Cal Newport's book "So Good
They Can't Ignore You" that pushes the idea of really specializing and
developing skills that are a reflection of your unique talents / perspectives.

------
ThePhysicist
Don't accept it when other people tell you that you can't do something because
it's too difficult (in their opionion) or they think you're not smart enough.
Sometimes people are right but often they are not, so don't get discouraged by
negative feedback, keep trying.

That said, also stay humble, know your own limits and try to get a realistic
view of yourself, including your flaws and limits. Then start working on them
and don't get discouraged.

~~~
afarrell
Also, don't blindly accept it when people tell you that you _can_ do something
but "you're just overthinking things".

They might not know that you are confused about something and need clarity to
succeed.

Only you can read your own mind. Telling others can you see can make it more
legible.

------
stakkur
There are five sources that have changed my life in the past several years:

1\. Stoicism.

2\. Atomic Habits, by James Clear.

3\. One Small Step Can Change Your Life, by Rovert Maurer

4\. How to Fail and Still Win Big, by Scott Adams (don't like the guy, but
agree with this book)

5\. Rewire Your Anxious Brain, by Pittman and Karle

I can't recommend these highly enough. They've literally help me remake my
life.

------
pmdulaney
"Love obscurity and contempt" \-- Fenelon

~~~
runawaybottle
In that sense,

 _” the heart breaks and breaks and lives by breaking. It is necessary to go
through dark and deeper dark and not to turn.”_ \- Stanley Kunitz

