
Lessons from being sexually harassed at Google - chirau
https://medium.com/@juliachou/it-s-not-your-fault-3e5ad1ccb95c#.4y3a3ov71
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mywittyname
I've see so much of this first-hand that it was a major reason why I left my
previous job (I'm male). My manager was constantly touching female coworkers
(back rubs, hugs) and he would always bring up his and their sex lives. One
time during our standup, he talked about how much alcohol a female coworker
drank with him when they were out of town on company business together -- it
was pretty clear that he was implying he slept with her. He's also cornered
women at an after work social and asked her how she would like to feel his
beard between her legs while another team member kept grabbing her waist.

No one will speak up because he's too important and most of the women need the
jobs (single mothers or primary bread winners). He gets away with most of this
stuff in full view of the company.

~~~
kelukelugames
This is a toxic work environment. Harassment happens so frequently that it has
become the norm.

Wait a few months and write an anonymous review on glassdoor or publish
something somewhere. Things don't get better until we name names.

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billiam
There are a lot of reasons for the persistent sexual harassment and sexism in
Silicon Valley. A narrow and self-reinforcing culture, complacency stemming
from the misconception that it is a meritocracy, and the relative immaturity
of a lot of employees. But as I see more and more talented women at good
companies opt out in one way or another, more serious measures need to be
taken. More training that is not seen as a joke, and just a lot more large and
small ways to show that women will have a safe and supportive workplace. I'm
hopeful that that ultimately the selfish demand for good engineers from this
immensely talented group will drive change.

~~~
mc32
Sexual harassment is hardly the province of technology focused companies. Its
reasons are varied and at times culture affects perception (compare behavior
and acceptance in France, Mexico, and the US) not saying one or the other is
worse, just different.

Never the less, sexual harassment is an issue, it's an issue in tech, but it's
an issue in the workplace in general. I think one difference is the
willingness to report sexual or any harassment tends to be higher where the
workforce is more economically secure as well as better educated. I other
words a server at McDs might not be willing to be as jeopardize a job as
someone with alternatives, access to attorneys and support network.

So, it will seem like the problem is more problematic in tech, finance, etc,
whereas in actuality the problem may be much bigger in other areas of the
economy.

The point is this tech isn't an incubator for harassment, it's present
everywhere in perhaps greater degree, so addressing it as such (a big issue)
rather than that thing that happens in tech, would better serve American
society.

~~~
kelukelugames
If you look at EEOC cases, most of them are from less prestigious industries.
However, of all the elite professionals, tech workers seem the most immature.
I think it's a combination of gender ratio and less developed soft skills.

Though my friends have horror stories from law, finance, and consulting too.

Link:
[http://www.eeoc.gov/search/search?access=p&entqr=0&output=xm...](http://www.eeoc.gov/search/search?access=p&entqr=0&output=xml_no_dtd&ie=UTF-8&btnG=Search&client=press_frontend&q=sexual&filter=0&ud=1&site=PressReleases&oe=UTF-8&proxystylesheet=press_frontend&ip=10.5.0.19&sort=date%3AD%3AS%3Ad1)

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smacktoward
And, possibly, the youth fetish. When the portrait of the ideal is a 19-year-
old guy who dropped out of an elite school, it's not surprising to see the
ethics of the over-entitled rich boy everywhere you turn.

~~~
mc32
I'm not sure that assumption works out. Yes, there are frat boys, but I've
also stood in many bus stops and taken many buses in not yet gentrified
neighborhoods and highschool drop outs can also be quite aggressive in
approaching strangers and chatting them up all the while their target is
trying hard to get out of any interaction.

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nshunter
Honestly, what's described in this article seems to cross into sexual assault
rather than just harassment. Moving into blatant physical contact, such as
kissing, is escalation beyond suggestion and inappropriate comments.

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leshow
It doesn't sound good, but it depends a lot on the context, I have a lot of
friends who are European, and they greet men and women by kissing them on the
cheek.

However if she's just sitting in his office and out of no where he lays one on
her cheek? Yeah that's weird. Again, context.

~~~
ygjb
> but it depends a lot on the context

No. It was unwanted contact. It is, at a minimum harassment, and at worst
assault.

Arguing context about one bit of behavior in the context of a pattern of
harassment is insulting to a victim of harassment.

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JDiculous
No. Context matters.

Jumping to conclusions without understanding the context is an insult to those
falsely accused of harassment.

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AdmiralAsshat
I'm glad that going to HR actually worked for her. Most people (i.e. anyone
that's not employed by the company) would tell you to never go to HR.

~~~
EliRivers
It's certainly something to consider; HR exists to protect the company. I
suspect it depends on ensuring that the harasser is portrayed as the person
threatening the company, rather than the complainant.

~~~
tyingq
Indeed. Going to HR when the harasser has high value to the company might work
differently...

[http://www.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2015/03/07/former-
google-e...](http://www.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2015/03/07/former-google-
engineer-claims-she-was-sexually-harassed-google-did-nothing-about-it)

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peterwwillis
I find the switch in culture between companies and even internal departments
to be almost frightening. One place you go has competent, adult, respectful
individuals, and then you just move down the hall to a different department
and it's immature, angry, inappropriate pranksters who never grew up. If
anything proves to me that a culture of sexual harassment can survive in this
day and age, it's the weird inconsistency of what people think is acceptable
behavior, combined with a lack of strong positive leadership.

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scotty79
Would it help to teach on the new employee on-boarding one official way how to
tell co-worker, even (especially?) superior one, to f*ck off, that everyone
could use as a clear message in case somebody loses his/her mind and attempts
to make unwanted personal advances?

It would save HR a lot of work and many young employees a lot of confusion and
stress.

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knughit
What's to teach? Everyone knows how to say "stop it." The hard part is feeling
safe saying it.

~~~
scotty79
They could teach to literally say "f_ck off" to your manager in such cases
(provided that that's not something employees say to each other casually). I'm
thinking of kind of "safe word" that doesn't require thinking or sugaring the
pill that you can utter with shocking effect that clearly communicates you
don't want to play.

What I mean is that this teaching should instill in employees the confidence
that it's totally ok and safe and even advised practice to say "f_ck off" to
your manager if s/he makes unwanted personal advances and to report them to HR
if they don't.

If the only way to deal with harassment is to report it to HR people will
hesitate because it's severe, it's process, it involves other people (and HR
is not your friend).

It is all the things that you might want to save the person that might
honestly misread you because he's a dumbass.

Companies should kind of own up to the fact that their employees are not
asexual and that some people make some misguided attempts to flirt with co-
workers and some accept the flirt and reciprocate.

Female colleague from the story who thought she was blowing the situation out
of proportion probably had way more liberal opinion of office mating games.

Instead of outright banning this they should just discourage it (because it
breeds conflict) and create obvious way for employees to clearly opt-out from
this office activity (because those that don't want to play are horrified by
human mating rituals, myself included).

I think in old days simple slap in the face had this role (totally
unacceptable today, today's men can grow up without being slapped even once so
they wouldn't think it's an assault or some SM sh_t). Not sure though what
were men doing 50 years ago to fend off female advances apart from wearing a
ring and acting completely disinterested.

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kelukelugames
It takes time to choose the appropriate action because harassment can be
traumatizing. But people should always document what happened and decide
later. Make a timeline. Record on pen and paper the day and time, exact
quotes, behaviors, and people around.

~~~
seivan
You mean collecting actual evidence so it doesn't end up being he said she
said?

Isn't that victim blaming? Sorry about the manquestioning and the use of
micro-aggressive gendered pronouns.

~~~
kelukelugames
This is not a legal advice.

Yes, the first piece of legal advice people receive is make a timeline on pen
and paper. When you report something to HR, they also write everything down on
pen and paper. I don't know why. I'm not a lawyer.

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JDiculous
> In that week, I was kissed on the cheek

Yea, that sounds inappropriate, though it'd be nice to get context.

> asked to sit on my manager’s lap

Wtf? Yea, that's messed up. Again, it'd be nice to get some context.

> told about my manager’s sex life and virility

Inappropriate work conversation sure, but not necessarily "sexual harassment".

> told that “all men go through an Asian fetish at some time,”

Again that might be inappropriate work conversation, but I wouldn't
necessarily deem that sexual harassment. Definitely depends on the context.

Why wasn't the manager fired?

My one gripe with these kinds of articles is that context is generally
ignored. We've seen enough false accusations (eg. Adria Richards) that I think
it's important for real victims who're going to write articles on these topics
accusing others of wrongdoing to be more detailed in their accounts if they
want to be taken more seriously. (Remember the fiasco with the Google employee
who claimed that she was sexually harassed because somebody she looked good in
a bathing suit at a work retreat?)

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pvaldes
Being sexually harassed is neither acceptable nor funny. I don't want to
relativize the real cases.

But being too thin-skinned in the office is also bad. In many european
countries it is expected for new people to be (politely) kissed in the cheek
as salute when introduced to coworkers of the opposite sex in the team. This
is the common salute and social rule and is not seen as harassment at all.
This can be a little shocking for people from other cultures; but most fully
grown people should be able to fine tune quickly their expectations; and
safely navigate around the most common social conflicts.

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lern_too_spel
It's a joke that her manager was allowed to stay and even continue to be her
manager and have a hand in her promotion. From several stories I've heard
about Google HR, I can't say I'm surprised.

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la6470
Yeah and also some people like to use the f word liberally in office to prove
a point or speak some American slang to sound cool. I don't like it and I send
memo to HR on each one of them.

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shifter
I wholly disagree with the use of that word as being offensive.

That said, you should talk to the person in question if you are uncomfortable
so they have a chance to "correct" their behavior when around you. That's the
generally accepted best practice.

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kelukelugames
I think f-word sensitivity may be a generational or regional thing. People
outside of tech think its horrendous.

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pc86
Working in technology is neither generational nor regional.

