
Ask HN: About to be homeless, any ideas for a junior dev? - gremlinsinc
I&#x27;ve been trying to get a job for the past 3 months, then I got accepted into a startup accelerator, my team promised to share the money they got with me, but backed out of that, and now I&#x27;m about to lose everything.<p>I&#x27;ve tried a crowdfunding campaign, and I&#x27;m willing to build a full MVP for $3k if anyone has an idea for an app. My stack is Laravel MVC, I can also help deploy it on linode, cloud, shared hosting, wherever.
======
was_hellbanned
Resume:

* Starting with "Greetings" makes me think of the nerd from The Simpsons.

* "KICKASS" really?

* Terrible attention to detail: Geocities not capitalized, no space between popular and the open parenthesis, "I've Spent" capitalization, random use of present tense in job descriptions, the first entry under My Services is blank, etc.

* Irrelevant information. Massage therapy?

Strip all that down and write in a dry, active voice. I want to know what
you're good at _immediately_. I don't want to wade through a wall of
conversational text.

Why is there a photo at all? If you're going to have a photo, make it look
good. If you're going to put on a collared shirt and tie, it should fit close
to your neck rather than having a fist-width of space in there.

~~~
computer
Also, the resume says that you were Marketing Director somewhere, and that you
were CTO at a company with 2000 employees. Is that actually true? If not, why
are you trying to imply it? That's the type of bullshit on a resume that's
very easy to see through, and makes people lose trust immediately.

~~~
gremlinsinc
Yes, it is true, I handled the entire tech stack for a company with 2000+
insurance agents. I single-handedly did all the networking, pc
troubleshooting, wordpress installs/design, sugarCRM integrations, ppc ads,
seo, content writing, etc..

~~~
computer
I personally wouldn't call that position CTO. I prefer to use the C-positions
for people who manage others, i.e. who set out the vision and direction, not
the ones actually performing all of the lower-level work.

But your opinion is, of course, yours. I would suggest being more specific on
these jobs either way, so that people like me will not be scared off on their
first read of the job titles.

------
hncomment
If you're on the brink of homelessness, there's something amiss that's deeper
than will be fixed by a "startup accelerator" gig, "crowdfunding campaign", or
desperation lowball contract to build an "app MVP".

Your resume is scattered in tone and content, and inconsistently formatted:
it's a bad audition for a detail-oriented solo-web-dev project. Your prior HN
posts suggest a roller coaster of cash problems plus unrealistic hopes over
just the last 30 days.

This suggests to me you're a bit too panicked to be planning properly. You may
need someone friendly or professional to talk to, locally, as much or more
than a job.

You should be seeking stability in your living and working situation above all
else, so that you can regain perspective. That means avoiding solo
freelancing, long-shot startup ideas, or quick money-raisers. Seek a simpler
job, where you go into an office and are surrounded by a larger collaborating
team, and your minimal basic needs are met. Do that for _at least_ 6 months to
a year to regain a non-panicked perspective.

~~~
gremlinsinc
That's my end goal--especially since I have tons of solo experience, and less
of a structured office /team environment where you learn different workflows,
and more agile ways of doing business. I know how to create milestones and a
roadmap for an MVP, and do sprints, but teams that have been doing it longer
and follow better practices could help me learn a lot--and I'm WAY more
interested in LEARNING and becoming an awesome dev than I am in payment--I
need to pay the bills, but I'd settle for 40k in order to get more experience
under my belt --especially inside a team, some sort of
apprenticeship/internship.

~~~
kevinskii
Lots of people have offered you specific and constructive advice, both in this
thread and in a similar one from a couple of months ago [1]. You could have
incorporated most of the suggestions in only a couple of hours. Yet as of this
writing, your resume remains just as sloppy and unprofessional as before. Your
personal website still broadcasts blatant dishonesty to anyone who cares to
look.

Unless you're fortunate enough to stumble upon a web development shop with no
internet connection, it's unlikely that you're going to be hired in the role
you're hoping for. Since panhandling doesn't quite seem to be working out
either [2], you may want to start thinking about taking any honest work you
can find. Your opportunities will surely improve once you have grown up a bit.
Good luck.

[1]
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7588059](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7588059)
[2] [https://twitter.com/patrickcurl](https://twitter.com/patrickcurl)

------
thenipper
Pull out stuff like this from your resume webpage:

"Am I an expert? Nah - But I know where to get free access to developers, and
devops, when I hit the inevitable brick wall(IRC CHAT) and I'm always focused
on learning how things work."

Don't give people reasons not to hire you. Take that off, make the page about
why you're awesome, not why I shouldn't hire you.

Also there are grammatical errors on the page, which don't look good. If you
want I can proof read it for you. I'm (edit: not) the greatest at that, but
I'll see if my wife can help. Also your resume... it looks cool but I found it
super confusing to read. Recruiters often times are looking through massive
piles of resumes, whatever you can do to make it easier to see why you're
awesome you should do.

Finally if you are about to be homeless look into any emergency shelters in
the area. I used to work in affordable housing it can be a wait sometimes to
get into a shelter. I wish I could help more. Let me do some research tonight.

~~~
knicholes
[edited to be less of an asshole]

I could help you identify comma splices, sentence fragments, incomplete
sentences, unnecessary use of ellipses, introductory clauses, and run-on
sentences.

~~~
thenipper
Wow. That typo made me out to be the biggest dick. I meant I'm not the
greatest at that.

------
job_advice123
To the point - if you are in real trouble of losing the roof over your head,
contact your friends/family immediately to organise either a short term loan
to cover costs for a little while or to stay with them for a short while.
Remove that concern from the table.

Once you have that sorted, your interview approach will probably relax a bit,
as I am guessing it might be coming across to potential recruiters/employers
as "help - need job now!" \- whilst in a perverse kind of way, most employers
seem to give preference to those that don't even need the job but are tempted
to change. Make sure you play it cool, calm, professional.

Next, don't provide any obvious reasons for your resume/application to be
quicksorted to /dev/null. Remove any photos, non-related qualifications, make
sure all the dates line up, account for any gaps (i.e. training and consulting
for example), double and treble check spelling and grammar, and unlike my post
here - keep it short and to the point! :-)

Ask a trusted friend/colleague to interview you. Ask them to be hard, but
fair. Ask them to interview you with an eye on your personal communication
skills, and on your technical abilities. Ask them for honest feedback. Do not
get down hearted if you hear some constructive comments. Make sure it is
constructive, not destructive though! Make points to work on your interview
and technical skills, then redo the interview again a few days later to see
how it improves.

Finally, good luck. Remember - you are selling yourself on how you can solve
the business problems and add value. The technical skills are just tools you
leverage to achieve that. You are more than a bag of skills, and you need to
get that message across.

------
Total_Meltdown
Please don't be put off by the harsh tone of this essay. It's important
information and based on this post and the resume linked in your HN profile
([http://resume.patrickcurl.com/](http://resume.patrickcurl.com/)), I think
you would benefit from reading it: [http://www.kalzumeus.com/2011/10/28/dont-
call-yourself-a-pro...](http://www.kalzumeus.com/2011/10/28/dont-call-
yourself-a-programmer/)

~~~
n0rm
Every time I read how most professionals out there simply make a living by
bluffing and cheating, I die a little inside.

~~~
Total_Meltdown
I'm confused. What part of this is about bluffing or cheating?

------
jcfrei
You could remove the Certificate in Massage Therapy from your CV

~~~
rbanffy
Don't know why this was downvoted. You should make your resume as to-the-point
as possible, even keeping a spreadsheet of different versions of pieces of
information to more easily taylor it to the job in question. Unless your
intention it to work with something, drop it from the CV. Recruiters don't
like anything unexpected. Don't surprise them.

Keep it objective. They don't care you think you are a kickass Rails developer
and they will not react positively to what they can interpret as a big ego.

------
Jugurtha
Hey, gremlinsinc..

There's a book to read "Winning Through Intimidation" by Rbert J. Ringer.

It is not a book about how to intimidate people, it's about not being
intimidated by people.

One of the chapters addresses the issue of "promises".

We have an Algerian proverb that says "Ti9a fil wati9a". Meaning: Trust lies
in the document. Which means: Make it clear, black on white, on a document..
Meaning: Get a lawyer. Meaning also: The only lawyer you have is the one _you_
pay. (Don't assume the company lawyer is yours).

I was a kid when my brother had a company and built buildings based on word.
Once he had a deal with some old man, very respectable and well known figure.
I asked him why they didn't sign a contract and he said that the man is
honorable, and I asked "What if he changes". He smiled to the child I was. He
eventually got screwed by this very honorable man.

A lawyer also serves as a dissuasive measure taking out the sign on your
forehead saying "I'm a pigeon".

Also, try oil or oil services companies. The pay is good (you're basically
taken care of completely) and you don't need cutting edge tech. They also like
to hire Junior people (they're like one of the few who actually massively hire
people without experience because turnover is huge).

------
seannaM
I would like to say this in the nicest, most hopeful-for-your-future-potential
way possible: Everybody can see through your bullshit.

I think most people aren't sure _what_ you're being dishonest about, but they
can tell that there's something up.

Real software employers will generally not hire anyone that they can smell a
lot of dishonesty on, because they have to put a lot of trust in you. Besides
your impact on their company through your contributions, you're usually given
access to a lot of sensitive information.

I can empathize with you because I'm pretty sure you came from a poor
background, and that's the only culture you're really aware of. I did too, and
I would like it if it was a lot easier for poor people to make a living in
tech.

Unfortunately you can't make a successful career as a bullshitter. Some people
can, but that isn't your strong point. You have to understand someone's
culture better than they understand it to be a good bullshitter, and you don't
understand buisness culture well enough to do it.

------
pnathan
Bluntly, I would say you need to corporateize it up.

All the advice here is good.

Also, it's cool that you wrote your own framework, but right now, the jobs
that map to your skills are Wordpress and Rails jobs. Your framework is an
example of your capabilities.

You're a Rails/Wordpress developer, X years of Rails experience, Y years in
the computer industry. You have Z academic experience relating to the field.

Your code examples probably should be on github.

Understand that making your representation quirky does you no good unless the
hiring manager wants quirky. I've not met one who wants that yet.

You need to be precise, clear, lucid, humble, and confident. Clearly express
what you're good at, and don't focus on the weak areas.

For your resume, take a look at Rands' "A Glimpse and a Hook".

Most Rails developers are finding its a VERY hot field, so I would encourage
you to introspect as to why that isn't the case with you. Maybe attend
Toastmasters or something?

Good luck.

~~~
mrbill
As far as I can tell, he didn't write his own framework.

By "my framework" he means "the one I know".

------
patio11
You say you have been attempting to get a job for the past 3 months. Over the
past week, what activities, specifically, have you done to get a job? Have you
been to interviews? How many? How did they go? Were there any questions you
were unable to answer? Was there any particularly difficult part of the
interview?

Did you not attend interviews in the last week? In the alternative, have you
lined up interviews? How many?

Did you not line up any interviews in the last week? In the alternative, have
you identified people with the authority to hire Ruby on Rails engineers? How
many? By what process are you identifying them? After identifying them, what
compelling offer are you making them? Since most people with hiring authority
are in the toughest market ever for people attempting to hire developers with
experience shipping applications, they should be willing to take coffee dates
with you.

You will not get most of your leads for coffee dates through your resume. In
fact, if you could take your resume off the Internet, that would probably be
in your favor. It does not currently suggest that you are going to be a
successful candidate for a white collar position. You should not put your
resume back on the Internet until it highlights your professional
accomplishments. When put your resume back on the Internet, it will be
absolutely devoid of errors in spelling, punctuation, word choice,
professional tone, and grammar.

You mention that you have previous experience with SEO, social media, and
shipping applications. You should be comfortable with discussing specific
successes which you have had with this. If you do not have specific successes
which you can talk about, do not mention SEO/social media/etc, and instead
focus on the fact that you have successfully shipped applications. In the
current environment, years of experience with successfully shipping commercial
applications makes you substantially more experienced than the bar for junior
developers.

If you actually have made people money with SEO and you can also code, you
should know that your skill set is _white hot_ right now. You should be
contacting people whose businesses would benefit from that combination of
skills, tell them how they would benefit in a similar fashion as other people
you have worked with by having you implement _brief sketch goes here_ , and
then attempting to convince them to hire you.

When you are speaking to people in the industry, do not mention the words
"homeless", "inexperienced", "spaghetti", or anything else which suggests that
you are desperate for a job. You are not desperate for a job. You are a white
collar professional with a skillset which is in incredible demand at the
moment. You should carry yourself like that.

~~~
kevinskii
> _In fact, if you could take your resume off the Internet, that would
> probably be in your favor._

Please seriously consider taking down your personal website as well. In five
minutes of glancing through your blog entries I found too many glaring "do not
hire" flags to mention here. You seem like a decent sort of person, and I mean
this with all due respect. Good luck in your search.

~~~
claar
When I'm hiring, attention to detail is huge, particularly on the technical
side of things.

The very first image on the personal site shows badly aligned PHP code (the if
statement isn't aligned with the assignment above it). I wouldn't be able to
make it past that if I had a stack of 20 resumes to whittle down.

------
mrbill
Reword your resume (especially this part: "I've Spent a good decade just doing
mostly freelance work, and installing apps") - otherwise it sounds like you're
really good at installing/configuring stuff other people have written.

Also remove the $70K Salary Requirement.

~~~
TallGuyShort
On your LinkedIn profile you have written the salary requirement as "65,0000"
(with four zeros). As others have recommended, I highly recommend having some
people proof-read your resume / profiles, and following all the advice you've
received here.

~~~
stevenspasbo
And the (downloadable) resume, it says 60000.

------
nsxwolf
Those stars on your skills section... I don't like to see ratings like that in
general, but if you're going to put 5 out of 5 on something, be prepared to be
called out on it. I'd expect you to have total expert knowledge of Bootstrap
and Lavarel and Wordpress.

There's nothing I'd give myself a 5 out of 5 on after my 20 years of work.

~~~
tdicola
Agreed. If I put myself down as an expert on something I would want to be
prepared to give a complete run down of the internal workings, important
design decisions that drove the implementation, etc. For example if I wanted
to say I was an expert in C++ I would have to ask myself, do I really know as
much about C++ as Bjarne Stroustrup, Scott Meyers, etc?

------
nhayden
If you can't find any work as a junior web dev at any salary then you're
possibly doing something wrong with your resume or interview. It's impossible
to give feedback on that without more info.

~~~
justizin
"you're possibly doing something wrong with your resume or interview"

i love this cult of personality viewpoint in favor of conformity.

~~~
mquander
It's not about conformity, it's about quality. His website at
[http://resume.patrickcurl.com/](http://resume.patrickcurl.com/) is buggy and
doesn't have a consistent look, feel, or writing style. Seeing as building
websites for people is the work he wants to be doing, that's a pretty
objective kind of metric to look at.

------
rglover
Simplify and get to the point. Here's a template:
[http://cl.ly/Vvjx](http://cl.ly/Vvjx).

~~~
justplay
thanks for sharing, love the simplicity.

------
illumen
Most of the other advice here is shit. This advice will get you a job.
Serious. It works.

    
    
      1. Make a list of local places you might want to work.
      2. Print out resumes.
      3. Go to the office, and hand resume over to front desk.
    

In person say - "I would like to apply for a job. Here is my resume."

 _Top of your resume_ , put evidence you can do the job.

"These projects prove that I can do the job:

    
    
      1. Launched project using php.  http://1.example.com/
      2. Made Y for client doing X.  http://2.example.com/
      3. Shipped X. http://3.example.com/
    

I am a very hard worker.

"

\-- You will get call backs, and interviews on the spot at some of the places.
No one else is doing this. --

I'm not going to wish you luck. Since I know after reading this, you will get
off your arse and make it happen.

Now. Get going!

------
bequanna
I know plenty of people hate on freelancing sites, and they certainly aren't
ideal, but...

If you are desperate for cash and have some skills, maybe try to pick up some
~$500-1000 jobs on:

Freelancer.com, Guru.com, Elance.com, Odesk, etc.

~~~
lnanek2
Agreed. It is often a race to the bottom against programmers in a third world
country with very little living costs, you are often lucky to get $40/hr until
you have references and a good portfolio, but it can bring in enough to eat.

------
seanponeil
I wouldn't say KICKASS in the first sentence of your "About me" blurb

------
afarrell
You should probably say where you live if you are looking for a job. Also, if
they said they would give you a particular portion of some pile of money as
compensation, you might consider suing them for wage theft.

Also, why are you "evil"?

~~~
sdegutis
Being an "evil coder" is just an expression that means they do pretty crazy
things in their code that others might find questionable, but presumably
having the skill to pull it off without causing bugs.

~~~
afarrell
Huh. I've never heard that term before. Now that I know the definition...I'm
skeptical I would want to read that person's code.

------
mrinterweb
I realize this advice may not address your immediate needs, but if you don't
have paying projects, stay busy. Github is your new resume. Try to stay active
on Github when you have downtime.

------
justplay
Sorry to hear that. I have heard that in big companies resumes are filtered
via keywords. Since, your resume is non-keyword based, you are not getting the
opportunity which you deserve.

------
6d0debc071
A resume is what jobs you've had and how well you've done them. Reading yours
it looks like you've had a lot of short term jobs - and a long stretch of
unemployment between 03 and 06.

There's nothing on there about what you've achieved, what your
responsibilities were in any of them. Nada.

And the guesses that can be made about why you've had so many jobs, and how
you've been working for multiple companies at the same time, are unlikely to
be complimentary.

------
ThrustVectoring
The number one way you can improve your chances of getting a job is to send
out more applications. How many have you sent in the last three months?

------
divoxx
A lot of people already mentioned the problems with your resume, so I won't
mention that again.

Where are you located? I haven't worked w/ PHP for 8 years and I'm really not
sure what the market looks like but learning other newer technologies such as
Rails could potentially make a much big market available to you.

I know in the Bay Area, Jr Rails engineers are in super high demand.

~~~
__xtrimsky
He's located near Salt Lake City, Utah.

He's also a Ruby on rails developer looking at his resume:
resume.patrickcurl.com

I am a PHP developer currently, and I don't mind switch over between languages
(Java/Python/Ruby), but I do think that the market is bigger for PHP
developers vs Ruby. (not sure about the bay area although, it could be
different there).

------
mrbill
You say "I was willing to interview/learn more Rails" \- yet your resume has
the cringe-worthy statement "If you made it to this page, it probably means
you need a KICKASS Ruby on Rails developer"?

You need to edit/improve your "online presence" IMMEDIATELY - the longer these
bad examples of your work stay online, the more chance is that someone will
see them. Start going through the suggestions already provided here for edits
and improvements and make changes as soon as possible.

As someone else already said, people can see through your BS. Honesty about
your experience and actual skill level will make a bigger impression than
anything else.

------
Mz
I can't figure out where you are. Will post this link in case it is at all
relevant:

[http://sandiegohomelesssurvivalguide.blogspot.com/](http://sandiegohomelesssurvivalguide.blogspot.com/)

------
jcmurrayii
Red flag for me.

You have been doing this for a decade...and still consider yourself junior?

~~~
jcmurrayii
I realized I should have expounded a bit to actually make why this is a red
flag a little more apparent.

A 'normal' year of work nets you 2080 hours of work. Thats 52 40 hours weeks.

Mastery of a given topic matter is considered to be around 10,000 hours of
work. At that rate, if you have worked a 40 hour job doing something, for 5
years, you should have mastered most of the skills. When I see 'junior'
developer, I am used to it being a developer with less than 3 years of
experience. I hire people like this, but only for specific needs. My
expectations are inline with their experience, and I look at their past work
history to get an idea of what level I should expect them to perform at.

Not all people doing technical hiring are that fair minded though. There are
many that will see junior, and will move on, because they need someone with
more team skills, or skills in architecture, large application development,
etc, that they do not expect to see from 'junior' developers.

If someone tells me they have been working on web development related tasks
for ten years, but consider themselves junior, then I worry that they have not
applied themselves, or stuck to the same job long enough to actually improve
their skills, etc. THESE worries...are why I wouldn't hire them. I would have
concerns around their ability to grow and learn within my organization, and
whether or not the time and money I would pour into their training would pay
off in the future with a well skilled and well rounded member on my team,
rather than another trip to the well of talent for another junior developer to
try to help 'level up' to a different role.

~~~
petervandijck
That's a huge red flag for me too. You've been doing spaghetti code for years
and now you're trying to quit?

Don't say that.

------
remremz
Freelance and stay on Github as others suggested. Also its a good idea to get
into some local user groups which can lead to job opportunities in the future.

~~~
lnanek2
Definitely. I know the NYC iOS meetup has people advertising gigs or looking
for work every session, and even more get made just networking in the bars
afterwards.

------
izolate
I've got nothing more to add to the fantastic advice given here, but can I
just say a huge congrats on your weight loss! Keep it up!

------
klinskyc
As a lot of people have already commented on your website, I'm going to focus
on the resume you have to download (which I assume is the one you submit to
potential jobs).

First, it's incredibly confusing. You have useless information and the
relevant information is spread out into a dozen boxes.

1\. You don't need to list that you're a male. (I'd also argue you don't need
your d.o.b)

2\. You don't need the professional area. If you're submitting the resume, the
employer already knows what sector you're in. If someone stumbles across the
resume, your experience and skills should make it clear what you can do. The
box takes up space and it typecasts you.

3\. If they see your resume, you're definitely looking for a job. You don't
need a whole box to say it.

4\. Don't put a salary requirement. Forgetting some people's taboo about
explicitly discussing salary, it can only hurt you. Why would any one pay you
80k if you're telling them that they can pay you 60k.

5\. The timeline is useless. First, it stops you from providing extra context
(I have no idea what Sherman Curl LLC is.) Second, it highlights the 3.5 year
gap between Massage Therapist and the rest of your work. It's better to
elaborate on a few relevant jobs then to list every thing you've ever done.

6\. You don't use the legend on the bottom of the timeline, it just tells me
you used resumup. I'm beating a dead horse, but your website should have the
visual resume, not the downloadable pdf. Your downloaded resume should just be
your relevant information.

7\. You say you have a diploma but you do not say what you got it in or where
it's from. That whole box is useless.

8\. Hobbies in general are extraneous, yours are especially since none of them
are close to notable or unique (although they're a lot of fun.) I also have no
idea what electronic hobbies are.

9\. The language box has nothing in it.

10\. Personality traits aren't binary and, as an employer, I'd probably want
to make those judgements myself. Your skills and experience are more
important.

11\. The skills graphs are confusing. I don't want to spend time trying to
understand things that could be put in a list format. Finally, you don't fill
all of the form boxes in the skill chart.

12\. Your url is your resume, which has the same information I'm looking at. I
normally would reccomend linking to your homepage, but since you're doing
multi-level-marketing on it, I'm not sure where you want the link to point,
maybe github.

I think this is harsher then I intended, but it's important for your first
impression (your resume) to be a good one.

TL:DR: Your downloadable resume, even more then your digital one, should
strictly be relevant information about your name, email, skills and
experience.

------
languagenerd
"Certificate in Massage Therapy Utah College of Massage Therapy"

This is the very first line of your resume ??!!! Are you trolling ?

------
__xtrimsky
"Am I an expert? Nah"

Don't tell that on your resume.

------
jdthomps214
reach out to me at jdthomp13@gmail.com

