
Fuck Off As A Service (FOAAS) - choult
http://foaas.com/
======
binarymax
Feature request:

    
    
         /shakespeare/:name/:from
    

returns ':name, Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson
obscene greasy tallow-catch! - :from'

e.g. /shakespeare/Falstaff/Prince%20Henry returns 'Falstaff, Thou clay-brained
guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch! -
Prince Henry'

~~~
philip2156
[http://foaas.com/shakespeare/Falstaff/Prince%20Henry](http://foaas.com/shakespeare/Falstaff/Prince%20Henry)

------
MattBearman
Also
[http://foaas.com/you/pay%20me/Freelancers%20Everywhere](http://foaas.com/you/pay%20me/Freelancers%20Everywhere)

------
16s
Telnet is simpler... I call this my random insult service and it can run on
any TCP port. It's not as rude as saying "Fuck Off" as it is meant to be
humorous and is intended for all the script-kiddie port scanners out there:

    
    
        telnet 108.4.184.93

~~~
sillysaurus
This is great!

In case anyone without telnet wants to see: here are 46 insults from that
telnet service. [http://pastebin.com/6SP2PucG](http://pastebin.com/6SP2PucG)

I'm partial to "Your IQ is the same as the temperature in this room. And it's
cold in here."

~~~
16s
That was inspired by this Great Santini quote:

That was the man who dandled me on his knee when I was a young boy—the Great
Santini. I once introduced my father when I was giving a talk like this, and I
said, "My father decided to go in the Marine Corps when he found out that his
IQ was the temperature of this room."

My father got up right behind me. He stared down at the audience and he said,
"My God, it's hot in here. . . it must be at least 165 degrees."

~~~
larrys
Thanks for reminding me of that movie. Haven't seen it in years. Just checked
and not on netflix though.

------
maaaats
> Not Written in Mozart.

I thought they were talking about this mozart programming system:
[http://www.mozart-oz.org/](http://www.mozart-oz.org/) And thought to myself
"who would ever write anything big in that"?

------
dasil003
Cute. But now you're on the hook to maintain it, and I can already see the
abuse you'll have to take from your target demographic whenever this goes
down.

~~~
DanWaterworth
Maybe the target demographic will become so dependent on this service, that
they'll be unable to hurl abuse without it.

------
JonSkeptic
Name collision!

I've been telling people to do me a service and fuck off for years!

------
akadien
This is fantastic. It's the best thing since StarLogs
([http://starlogs.net/#johnzachary/libcork](http://starlogs.net/#johnzachary/libcork))

------
lotsofcows
I think there's an extraneous parameter in /this/:from Oh, and minor niggle,
you haven't replaced :from in the final three examples.

Also, please can you add localisation? The word "donut" makes me feel
physically sick.
[http://foaas.com/you/%22donuts%22/lotsofcows](http://foaas.com/you/%22donuts%22/lotsofcows)

~~~
MartinMcGirk
I too feel this pain acutely, to combat it I wrote a small and VERY basic
JavaScript file a while ago to change this on the fly on a webpage based on
your GeoIP location.
[https://github.com/MartinMcGirk/English.JS](https://github.com/MartinMcGirk/English.JS)

~~~
alanctgardner2
The question is, which spelling do Canadians get?

~~~
MartinMcGirk
Canada was a toughie that I meant to get around to later. I was working from
the reference at
[http://wikitravel.org/en/English_language_varieties](http://wikitravel.org/en/English_language_varieties)
which has three categories of English; "Commonwealth English", "US English"
and "Canada".

It didn't really give me enough detail on Canadian English to create a new
category there and then though so I left it as a "I should get around to
looking this up soon".

My apologies to the fine people of Canada. I'll look at rectifying it shortly.

~~~
alanctgardner2
> My apologies

You know the way to our hearts. Personally, I think defaulting to Commonwealth
is sufficient for Canadians. On a side note, does it pluralize "octopus"
differently by region? I've always been a big fan of "octopodes" as the
plural, which is not really accepted anyways.

------
squid_ca
For the ultimate "fuck you", this should be written to use SOAP.

~~~
boomlinde
SOAP, by passing it escaped XML blobs in string containers.

------
wilhil
And this has much better documentation than many APIs I have to use!

------
ianstallings
I'm too old for this shit.

------
MattBearman
Legendary! Always good to have an early afternoon laugh :) I shall be
spreading this forthwith!

------
toyg
Italians (well, many of them) can use this localised version, "SAAS: Soccmel
As A Service": [http://soccmel.taldeg.me/](http://soccmel.taldeg.me/)

~~~
terabytest
Damn, I'm 100% Italian and don't understand half of the words in it. Gotta
hate dialects.

~~~
toyg
Apologies! I probably can't speak most of them anymore either, not with a
passable accent...

Dialects are one of those things emigrants like me tend to romanticise. It is
true that they're an actual hindrance in many cases (in places like Veneto
you're shut out of most business communities if you can't speak the local
lingo) and tend to be loudly represented by the most xenophobic elements.
Still, they're part and parcel of the Italian culture and reflect local
history much more than the artificial Italian language itself. Bolognese, for
example, still maintains traces of Napoleonic soldiers (e.g. "avec" is used in
Bolognese exactly like you'd use it in French), Southern dialects have Spanish
and mooresque influences, and so on.

~~~
terabytest
That's true. I live in Friuli Venezia Giulia and not knowing the local dialect
I'm often excluded from a lot of discussions.

------
devgutt
This should use POST instead of GET, because you are proposing an action.

~~~
toyg
But the messaging system is idempotent! The behaviour of 3rd-party endpoints
is undetermined.

This calls for a standard! The Fuck-Off Protocol, or FOP, will soon have an
rfc, a mailing list, and three incompatible implementations.

~~~
stevewilhelm
And Dave will claim to be the father of FOP.

------
nicholassmith
They should put the source up somewhere, I'd love to see what the filthy minds
of the hacker community could add on.

------
tarcon
[http://foaas.com/off/NSA/me](http://foaas.com/off/NSA/me)

~~~
cronin101
So brave.

~~~
lovemenot
[http://foaas.com/king/cronin101/tarcon](http://foaas.com/king/cronin101/tarcon)

------
Jd
Didn't zedshaw already design something like this? Where is he when you need
him?

------
jjsz
I thought this was going to be a list of all the services who can fuck off,
like AT&T and Time Warner Cable, with an API to either: launch a DDoS attack
at them, formally fuck them off by sending them a letter or a proper complaint
to the correct address, while connecting your social media accounts with the
correct hashtags- updating your status. Telling actual _people_ to fuck off
caught me off guard...then I got the joke of applying an API to everything,
especially if it's easier to do it in person...You should add mailing real
letters if enough people request the service.

------
tehwebguy
License? Can't use this without one.

~~~
Narretz
The "Do What the Fuck You Want to Public License" seems appropriate, in tone
and language.

[http://www.wtfpl.net/](http://www.wtfpl.net/)

~~~
peterwwillis
Haha, I love that license! Somebody submitted some of my software to Debian
and they wouldn't accept until I put a license on it, so I picked that one.

------
jedahan
I made a few cruder services like this at my old job:

[http://foaas.willfixeverything.com](http://foaas.willfixeverything.com)
[http://abug.in/linux](http://abug.in/linux)

They are both running on heroku and slow as hell. Pull requests
([http://github.com/jedahan](http://github.com/jedahan)) or better free hosts
are welcome, but I get like 50 visits a year so whatevers.

We used in in chat rooms when management was being dumb, mostly.

~~~
djokkataja
Heads up that the second link will make your phone talk rather loudly.

------
hk__2
They published the code :
[https://github.com/xenph/foaas](https://github.com/xenph/foaas)

------
dcuthbertson
Nicely done. It needs:

    
    
      /thanks/:from
    

returns 'Fuck you very much. - :from.'

------
zipppy
My one feature request would be to have the word proceeding 'fuck' as an
argument:

/:thing/:from Will return content of the form 'Fuck :thing. -:from' e.g.
/SaaS/Foaas will return 'Fuck SaaS. -Foaas'

~~~
philip2156
added /:thing/:from

------
uKV6kWT3
Are code contributions welcome? If so, is there a repository I can send a
patch to?

------
hughdbrown
Feature request

    
    
       /chainsaw/:name/:from
    

returns 'F*ck me gently with a chainsaw, :name. Do I look like Mother Teresa?'
\- :from

~~~
philip2156
[http://foaas.com/chainsaw/Hughdbrown/Heather](http://foaas.com/chainsaw/Hughdbrown/Heather)

haha

------
kiplinger
How usefully useless

------
okwa
[http://foaas.com/you/Nvidia/Linus%20Torvalds](http://foaas.com/you/Nvidia/Linus%20Torvalds)

------
peterkelly
Man, I'd love to see what would happen if you submitted this as a student
project for a class on web services

------
rullopat
So, GMail filters other people spam and put their own paid spam directly on
inbox. Brilliant!

------
kfk
I think you should include hashed urls. You can guess the content of the link
from the url.

~~~
Tloewald
Use something like this:

[http://hugeurl.com/](http://hugeurl.com/)

~~~
KennyCason
Wow, this just made me lol as well

------
leviself
Really like the site.

Feature request: Shortened URL so the surprise isn't given away.

------
gadders
Feature request:

/soldiers/:from

"Fuck this for a game of soldiers" \- :from

------
andyidsinga
/memeimgurl/:name

returns fo text overlaid on image

------
joeblau
LMAO. I just burst out laughing so hard. Why is this platform not open source
:)?

------
jhh
when I need to be told to fuck off I just read the AGPL.

------
ruttiger
This was inevitable.

------
abdel
i like the roadmap

------
sushaantmujoo
new http 403 msg

------
MrBra
way to go :)

------
piqufoh
I fucking love this.

------
3pt14159
This isn't Hacker News material.

~~~
shocks
Votes decide that, not you.

~~~
3pt14159
Communities can hold themselves to standards and people can try to convince
each other that those standards are good.

It is SUPER telling that the only people that disagree with me have accounts
that are younger than mine while the ones that agree with me have accounts
that are older than mine.

