
I am depressed and I need someone to talk to - far_far_away
This is a throw away account. My real HN account is not blessed with a lot of karma but you could find out who I am by knowing by HN account name.<p>I need help. A few months ago I founded my first startup together with a friend of mine. We were #1 on HN for nearly a whole day. I could feel pretty good but I am very depressed from time to time. At the moment I am in a phase of depression again and I hate it.<p>I need someone to talk to. Either via audio or via Text. I could try to talk to my friend but I would prefer the advice from "a stranger".<p>I am in therapy for 7 years now and it is not going anywhere. As a child I have been abused over a long period of time. I am taking (subscribed) meds (about 10 pills every day) and I still feel terrible. There are a couple of similar stories on HN and I tried to read them all - but I feel that I need someone to talk to directly.<p>first contact via email: throw.away.far23@gmail.com<p>Thank you so much.
======
ForrestN
Advice from strangers is not going to fix the underlying mental health issues
here. 10 pills every day implies a pretty grave situation, one that certainly
will not be addressed by exercising or daily inspiration websites.

Have you talked to your therapist unambiguously about the stagnation you
describe? Have you considered trying to talk to someone else, too, who maybe
follows a different approach? I am not a doctor but I imagine that such a high
level of pharmaceuticals is probably warping your brain chemistry drastically
on its own. If there were a way to dress the problem without so many it seems
like that would be ideal.

Just keep in mind that this is about the abuse, and not about "startups" or
anything going on in your life now. Horrible things happened to you that
aren't your fault, and the ways your psychology adapted to those horrible
things, ie your current mental health issues, are not your fault either. You
need to get help from someone who is really equipped to help you much more
than you need help from us.

Good luck, and remember that many other people have gone through similar
things and come out the other side happy.

------
javis
If you can't find anyone to talk to on HN, try posting on
<http://reddit.com/r/depression>. It's a great place to vent and a lot of
people there will be happy to Skype or text you.

~~~
JofArnold
I came here to write the same, and I'm replying to this comment to draw
peoples' eyes to it when scanning the replies (in case it doesn't received
enough upvotes to take it near the top) as I think it has a lot of value.

I'm personally fortunate to be in a good position mental health wise, but I
know <http://reddit.com/r/depression>, <http://reddit.com/r/bipolar> and
<http://reddit.com/r/bipolarreddit> have helped my close (non tech friends) a
lot and they cannot recommend them highly enough.

------
andrewtbham
Call the national suicide prevention hotline. I volunteered at one for years,
most people that call are not really suicidal (maybe 2%). The callers are
typically depressed. 1-800-273-8255

------
matznerd
Depression is a hard feeling to cope with, in the moment it seems like it will
never go away, but the truth is, that it always does. One of the things that
helps me in the short-term whenever I get down as an entrepreneur is watching
videos of successful entrepreneurs because you see that even they have their
dark days. Elon Musk, for example, was at his wit's end, almost bankrupt from
tesla and space x and could not get further investment and had to literally
borrow money from friends to pay his rent.
[http://www.bloomberg.com/video/73460184-elon-musk-
profiled-b...](http://www.bloomberg.com/video/73460184-elon-musk-profiled-
bloomberg-risk-takers.html) I also like watching ted videos on happiness
[http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.h...](http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html)
(that one has a good point about how nearly everything is based on comparisons
and nothing effects us beyond 3 months). In terms of daily inspiration,
definitely check mixergy, that will always inspire you as well.
<http://mixergy.com/homepage/>

I have to run out now, but I have a lot more to tell you. Exercise is key,
whenever I am in a bad mood I realize that it has been too long since I've
exercised. Your body will actually generate new neurons while you are
exercising and your brain will release endorphins and other neurotransmitters
that increase mood. I know it seems hard to get there if you haven't been in a
while, but for a longterm goal and short term boosts of energy, definitely do
it. You can try to start with a yoga class or something like that, because at
the end of the day yoga is mostly meditation and focus on breath. Meditating
is also extremely important in welfare for everyone, especially entrepreneurs
and founders. The daily stress of running a startup can not only get you down,
but also lead to feeling lost.

I don't know what drugs you are on, but I can recommend some supplements and
nootropics that will definitely elevate mood. Try tyrosine.

~~~
InclinedPlane
Not everyone's depression is the same. For some people depression is episodic
and goes away. For others, a great many others, severe depression is a
constant companion. Every minute of every day of every year of your life, and
it's the episodes of not being depressed which are temporary and go away.

That said, exercise has been shown to be helpful for depression of every sort
(generally at least as effective as drugs, on average).

~~~
matznerd
I did not mean to lump all depression into one boat, and while I personally do
not know that kind of deep long-term depression, I do know the kind of that
effects entrepreneurs. There are so many ups-and-downs that it can be hard to
weather a deep trough if you are not prepared. I do not know your company or
work situation, but I know it can be an extremely lonely and long road working
on company. The only thing I know that benefits everyone is exercise. It is a
good thing to focus on because even if everything else in your life is going
in a direction you can't control, it is one thing you can control and
constantly improve upon. And the benefits are long lasting felt in every area
of life.

------
strictfp
Having gotten myself out of a startup-induced depression I feel for you.
Getting out of a depression is never easy, you simply cannot spot the right
paths to take you out of there while in it. I can only give you some advice
which helped me greatly:

1) Get opinionated. Try to form opinions about everything around you. What do
you like or dislike about that lamp post? Which one is your favorite fruit and
why? These type of silly exercises is a good way of building up an image of
what you want in life. When you know what you want, you can figure out how to
achieve it. Being passive is horribly depression-inducing.

2) Participate in life coaching, preferably both individually and in groups.
This helped me getting a more objective view of what type of individual I am,
how other people see me. But also what other type of personalities there are
and how they interact. Knowing all this has helped me view disagreements and
conflicts in a new light. I don't have to take myself and everything around me
so seriously, since I can see more clearly why things happen as they do.

I wish you all the best.

------
pedrogrande
I don't know if it'll help but for me, when I enter a depression phase. I
wallow in it for a while, enjoy feeling sorry for myself which may go on for
days or weeks. But then I get sick of being depressed. I just can't flick a
switch and be happy again. I have to go through a whole process.

I've learnt a good technique where I just work on being angry. Doesn't matter
what about, even just at myself for being depressed. When I get to angry, I'm
not feeling despair anymore. I allow myself to focus on being angry for a
while but then that turns into frustration. Then I just become annoyed. And
before I realise I'm not depressed anymore.

I know all that is a lot easier said than done but over the years I have got
better at it.

Another tool I use is to make a list of 20 things I'm grateful for in my life.
At first I can't think of anything, but I make myself work at it and start to
remember some good things. Good things that I should be happy about.

I realise not everyone's depression is the same but these tools work for me so
I thought I'd share.

~~~
bgr
"Anger is more useful than despair" - Terminator

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeIy2MHZ0xE>

~~~
nameiscarl
Machine are awesome at life advice.

Since I take their input, my life is bliss :

* wall-e on romance : now I date an ipod

* robocop on hairstyle : I had to stop as it screwed majorly my head

* HAL-9000 on gaming : I don't let nobody beat me at "jeopardy: the mission"

* MCP on people : I chmod 700 every aspect of my life

* Terminator on ending relationships : going down in a melting vat is the way to end things the cool way.

* D.A.R.Y.L on procreation : kids are only cool if they are robots.

------
vrajesh5
FOr me the best medicine is to run.. run as hard and as far as you can for as
long as you can.. there is nothing that a good run cannot fix... (distance and
speed are relative) and please note the situation you are feeling is all
chemistry in your head.. they are just chemical reaction.. if you are feeling
low because of your startup then please be aware you are not alone.. also, a
person is not a failure an event is.. besides the real failure is failing to
try and you are not.. stay strong and there is plenty or love and kindness in
the world..

------
sweentrepreneur
I dont know your storie and I am not going to give you some advice. I think
being an entrepreneur is one of the most psycholic stress work that you can
choose.

1\. Your identity is often bind with your startup. If your startup failed you
feel like you failed, even if you might control 3 out of 10 important
parameters. Or you are the best at 9 out of 10 but that 1 out of 10 failed.

2\. Like other professions like doctor or lawyer we dont have a big group to
relate to. No other entrepreneur is the other s alike.

3\. Any d*ckhead can start a company and the difference between genius and
beeing crazy is thin.

4\. Your reward comes very very late. If you are a consultant, you work one
hour get paid one hour. Building the next facebook takes time and the sign of
your success can take for ever.

5\. Failor is more common than you think. We hear about the success stories
but guys that tried and failed just silently start working at a company as
employee.

6\. Success and feedback for an entrepreneur is rare. Being #1 on HN is not
something you can be every day. But if you take out the trash or work as
truckdriver you can come home, leave your work and feel pretty good about your
self and what you have done. Having great plans increases your of personal
failor risk a lot.

So what is the solution? I think more about my self as a builder and the
projects I do I am aware they might fail, but I focus on me and my methods.
Try to fail faster, MVP and all that other stuff Eric talks about in Lean
startup.

It is not about me or my startup it is about going out and fish, fish for a
successful company and every day learn someting and increase my luck exposure
bit by bit.

------
ceautery
I occasionally suffer from depression, usually in the winter with low light
levels, and usually not debilitating. Some people are easier to talk to about
this than others, and it's difficult for me to be honest about how I feel with
people I work with, or casual acquaintances... and I think that's more of a
problem than being "down" for a day or two.

It's sad that there is a need to create a fake identity just to openly talk
about a condition you have no control over. In this century, it should be as
easy to talk about depression as talking about how you broke your arm, but
it's not. And no one wants to be stigmatized, or be afraid of secret HR
information passed around about you being crazy and unhireable.

Fortunately, you are a hacker, and think differently than the average guy.
Maybe you could benefit from one of the things that helps me: split your mind
in two... metaphorically. "This situation doesn't call for the amount of rage
I feel," is something I say to myself a lot when I should feel disapproval
over something, but instead am completely incensed. If I can see
intellectually that what I'm feeling is out of scale, then I have something to
hold onto while my emotions run their course.

Another thing that helps pragmatically, rather than emotionally, is shutting
my damned mouth when I see that I'm feeling "off". The things I want to say
are hurtful, and will close doors, burn bridges, and make enemies of just
about everyone I know, including my wife and children. So I think it, but I
don't say it. And I try to do something as a ballast on top of being quiet,
like holding my wife's hand, or if I'm not at home, just getting up and
walking around. "Um, yeah, I need to go clear my head, and see if that helps
with problem X when I get back."

Anyway, good luck. If the meds don't help, tell your doctor. Or find a new
one. Don't pussyfoot around with doctors when your brain is at stake. "I need
something that works, either you can find it for me, or I can find someone
else to try. Let's go, chop chop!!"

Take care, man, and know that there are other people suffering similarly,
struggling to make it. We are all your brothers, and want nothing more than
for you to beat this (or manage it, at least) and have a successful life.

~~~
electronvolt
I'd second the splitting of self into an analytic side and a emotional side
being helpful as a short term coping mechanism, but I would caution against
taking it too far. It is great as a short term buffer against letting your
state get the better off you, but at the end of the day you're still depressed
and viewing everything in some way through that lens of depression. Even if
you're able to recognize the cognitive biases that introduces, your self
esteem is still in the gutter and you still feel that cold depressed feeling.
As far as other not-meds things that help, exercise, a regular schedule, good
diet, and avoiding drugs (especially alcohol/narcotics--they can both make the
depression worse and you're at a greatly increased risk for addiction) are
relatively easy (not that anything is actually easy when you're depressed)
things that help.

I'd second the 'if the meds aren't working, try new ones' advice. If all
they've put you on is a cocktail of SSRIs, there are other options (MAOIs are
effective, but a pain to deal with in terms of other medications, and are as a
result less often proscribed) Also, if your depression has been periodically
occurring for a long time and doesn't respond well to traditional medications,
it might be worth looking at the symptoms of bipolar disorder to see if they
fit. I know several people who were treated for unipolar depression for years
before they were diagnosed with bipolar depression: and the medications and
treatments are very different. Bipolar depression also is rather famous for
not responding well to talk therapy. On the similar note of things that
wouldn't respond to medication but are treatable in other ways: if you haven't
been checked for hyper and hypo thyroidism, those can also cause depression-
like symptoms that don't respond to traditional medication, and sleep
disorders like apnea can make minor depression much worse.

~~~
druiid
Very good suggestions here as well! Thanks for posting. I have a least a
family member whom is bipolar and it is an extremely tricky ailment.

------
kfullert
Not sure where you are, here in the UK we have a service called The Samaritans
(<http://www.samaritans.org/>) so not sure if there's a similar service, these
people are trained to give you the best help and advice that they can, and
someone trained but detached from the specifics may be what's best for you -
I've not gone through this myself, but have supported my wife and ex-partners
through similar bouts of depression - I'm going to drop you a mail as well.

~~~
alinajaf
The Samaritans provide a great service, I've used them when going through a
few rough spots.

Quick note though, the Samaritans definitely do not give advice. Mostly they
help you work through your own feelings and figure out what to do on your own.

~~~
npsimons
_Quick note though, the Samaritans definitely do not give advice. Mostly they
help you work through your own feelings and figure out what to do on your
own._

That sounds like the perfect description of a therapist to me.

------
z0mbak
Travel. Leave your smartphone and laptop at home. Take your friend with you
and go. There is a lot of good places on Earth and this is important to choose
the right one to visit, so choose wisely. Don't go to safari or similar shitty
entrtnmnt for rich guys. Don't buy a tour with all the trash included. Move on
your own. Stay in the plain hotels. Taste the local food. Visit the
monasteries and museums. Talk to people around You. Try to find something new.
Something, You never experienced before. Excuse my poor lng please.

P.S. Maybe this will be a good opportunity for You to quit taking meds You
mentioned?

~~~
illuminate
"P.S. Maybe this will be a good opportunity for You to quit taking meds You
mentioned?"

Suddenly quitting any/all meds for a physical condition without a doctor's
advice is probably not the best idea.

~~~
z0mbak
True, my bad. btw i mentioned monasteries not as just a sightseeing. Who
knows...

------
richardlblair
Start up life is hard. Probably not the best space for someone who already
experiences emotional ups and downs.

I would recommend you speak to your therapist about Cognitive Behavioral
Therapy. A paper published in the American Journal of Psychology last summer
(I think it was July?) reported that after 3 months of Cognitive Behavioral
Therapy a patient showed improvements that were equal to, if not better than
anti-depressants. At the very least this could potentially get you off some of
those meds.

I hope you feel better soon.

~~~
karambahh
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on paper is great, but it does not work with
everyone, you have to "blend into it" and apply the advices. Sometimes, it's
easier said than done.

As many already said, OP needs professional help, from his/her therapist or
his/her GP...

~~~
richardlblair
I agree. This is why i said "I would recommend you speak to your therapist
about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy."

I simply recommended that he look into it.

------
robomartin
PLEASE GET PROFESSIONAL HELP FROM ANOTHER DOCTOR RIGHT AWAY.

Here's the framework I see; recent startup founder + therapy for seven years +
abused as a child + ten pills per day.

This alone screams for professional help. I don't think that a fellow
entrepreneur can help solve all of your problems. There's also the danger of
making it worst because of not having any training on how to deal with your
framework.

Now to be a little helpful:

What I don't see is a description of your circumstances beyond that:

    
    
        - How old are you?
        - Where do you live?  (city)
        - Do you live alone?
        - Do you work where you live or do you get up in the
          morning to go to another location?
        - Do you have family nearby?
        - Are they supportive in any way?
        - Do you have other friends outside of the startup?
        - What does your day look like?
        - Do you or have you had any hobbies?
        - Do you spend a lot of time playing games?
        - If you do.  Are you affected emotionally by the game's outcome?
        - What do you eat and when?
        - Are you overweight?
        - If so.  How do you feel about it?
        - Do you have a girfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband?
        - If so.  How is that relationship?
        - What's your financial situation?
        - What are your goals?
        - How quickly did you expect to achieve these goals?
        - What does your work environment look like?
          (dark, light, windows, comfortable, etc.)
        - What does your daily work routine look like?
        - Is there a routine?
        - What do you do in the weekends?
        - Who do you socialize with outside of work?
        - Do you drink?
    

The list isn't exhaustive. I am not a therapist, not even close. As an
entrepreneur I have navigated depression from time to time. It can be ugly and
paralyzing. It also is very personal. That's why a lot more information is
needed to really understand you and how you go in and out of that state.

From personal experience I can tell you that it helps to have what I have come
to call "non-maskable interrupts". In my case this came in the form of my
kids. It's pretty hard to focus on being miserable when your little one's push
and pull you into their world. It's great.

If you don't have this option then you have to find another interrupt source.
This means focusing your energy and thoughts on another activity not related
to work.

Martial arts class can be great. A good class can dissolve away the stress of
a days' worth of troubles within a short hour. On top of that you are getting
exercise which by itself should make you feel better.

Gyms can suck. If you can find a friend who'd like to go to the gym with you
this could be a good exercise + social option.

Swimming. If you don't know how to swim, join a group and learn. I don't know
if you are in the US or not. In the US there's something called US Masters
Swimming (usmg.org). They have groups everywhere. Sign-up and get in a pool.
For me, there's nothing like swimming a 1500m or 3000m run. I come out of the
pool like a newborn.

Get a dog. The therapeutic value of dogs is well proven. Also, puppies, just
like kids, have a unique ability to shift your mind's focus away from you and
onto them. Research the breed a little. If you are the type, get into
training. I have always had German Shepherd Dogs and have always enjoyed
training them (research: schutzhund). GSD's are not for everyone. A good pet
dog like a Labrador could do wonders for you. There are professional
organizations that deal in therapy dogs who can advise you based on your
circumstances and needs.

Notice that every suggestion I've made involves disconnecting from work and
strongly focusing your energy and attention elsewhere. Physical, outdoor and
social activities being another common theme.

I couldn't possibly relate to your child abuse experience or the years of
therapy and medicine. I am fortunate in that I have not had to experience any
of this. That said, it sure sounds like you need to pivot and go talk to a
different therapist. Your current on doesn't seem to be helping you much.

I am one of those people who will do the impossible NOT to introduce any drugs
into my body unless there's absolutely no other option. I could not imagine
taking ten pills a day just to be able to function. There has to be another
way.

Not being a therapist I don't really know if talking to others about your
problems will help you or push you deeper into a more dangerous state. That's
why I am not inclined to offer to contact you via email. It is very easy to
justify feeling worst and use someone else as a bouncing board for those
feelings. I really think you need to find a new therapist to talk to
immediately.

Then, of course, there's the tough love approach. Unless you suffer from a
fundamental chemical imbalance your condition is one that is entirely
fabricated by your brain. As such, you can --and should learn to-- control it.
I did this with anxiety attacks. They can be nasty. Once you understand how to
recognize and deal with the symptoms you can literally talk yourself out of
one (or prevent entering it in the first place).

This is where I'll be cheesy and quote Yoda: "Your Focus Determines Your
Reality". Print that and tape it where you can see it. What are you focusing
on? What reality will that produce? Is that what you want? No? Then change
your focus.

The techniques can be simple. If you recognize that you are sliding into a
self-lamenting state, get up and go for a brisk walk. Turn up the music.
Fucking yell "I am not doing this!". Dance. Do jumping jacks. Whatever it
takes. Force your brain to re-focus on something positive.

I wish you the best. This is tough. Reaching out is good. Go get different
help. Get a dog. Go swimming. Re-focus.

ABOVE ALL: YOU DEFINITELY NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP. YOUR CURRENT THERAPIST IS
MISSING SOMETHING. PIVOT. GO TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE. GO TALK TO SEVERAL
THERAPISTS AND FIND THE BEST ONE.

~~~
jlewes
Do therapists / psychiatrists / psychologists really help? Genuinely
interested. I would never consider (have never considered) seeing a therapist
/ psychiatrist, even if/when depressed. I imagine them to be people with soft
science degrees who believe in a wishy-washy mixture of psychobabble and
pseudo-science. Surely an intelligent person can see what their questions are
getting at and influence the therapist's inferences accordingly, in the same
way as you can when taking those silly multiple choice psychological
assessments? What would a highly educated person with training in rigorous
disciplines get out of talking to a therapist? Not being aggressive; genuinely
interested. (I'm mid-30s, male, didn't grow up in a culture where you have
your own therapist like they do on Manhattan TV shows (do real people do
that?)).

~~~
tripzilch
> I imagine them to be people with soft science degrees who believe in a
> wishy-washy mixture of psychobabble and pseudo-science. Surely an
> intelligent person can see what their questions are getting at and influence
> the therapist's inferences accordingly, in the same way as you can when
> taking those silly multiple choice psychological assessments?

A psychiatrist (in NL) first goes through regular medical school (5 years) and
then another 4 years of study + on the job study for psychiatrist. (maybe
there's one year overlap because I seem to remember it's 8 years total)

While maybe an intelligent person can figure out a lot of things for
themselves--even if we ignore the fact that it's harder to figure out without
a bit of distance-- _surely_ somebody (also intelligent) who's studied for ~8
years in this very field, will be _better_ at spotting and making such
assessment than a very intelligent person that trained their intellect in some
other field.

If I had a big and important carpenting job, I'd hire a skilled and trained
carpenter as well, even if I could probably do and/or figure out most of it
myself. Over some level of complexity, I wouldn't even try, I'd hire a
carpenter. Add to that, "figuring it out for yourself" becomes much harder if
the subject is "yourself" instead of "my house/furniture".

From what I understand, psychiatrists in the US are a bit more like
psychologists here. But with 4-5 years of study and who knows how many years
of experience, they're still pretty good at it.

One thing though, a very important red flag (IMO), if after a while with a
therapist you really get the idea "I could do this better, this person doesn't
really get me", then get a new one. Therapists come in many shapes and sizes,
and often it's important that you get one that can at least match your
intellect to some extent, or it may become hard to trust them (if you can't
help but second-guessing them). There will be therapists that can deal with
this, talk about particular skeptic feelings and explain it in a way that is
acceptable to you. But if they keep setting off all those alarm bells, you're
not seeing one of those.

~~~
Crake
Don't most people see psychologists, though? Psychiatrists cost much more, so
most people see the less rigorously schooled psychologists instead due to
insurance policies. That's been my impression of it, anyway. You really don't
have to be all that smart to be a psychologist, unfortunately; psych being one
of those squishy soft "sciences" that doesn't really have much in the way of
academic rigor. Psychiatrists here go undergrad (4 years), med school (4
years), and then go on to their residencies and etc. Psychologists have to do
psych undergrad and then complete a doctorate I believe to practice on you,
but again: chances are pretty decent that someone in a technical field will
probably be more intelligent. (An argument could probably be made that psych
people might have higher EQ, I suppose.)

I'm sure they work for some people, but there are so many bad and
underqualified ones who basically just sit there and listen to you without
offering much in the way of insights (but sometimes offering up insults, in my
experience). I think a bad therapist can be really damaging, which is
unfortunate. People in these sorts of situations don't really need any more
things going against them.

edit: I'm in the US, so that's where I'm coming from. When I reread this I
realized you're referencing a system outside of the US.

~~~
tripzilch
In NL, psychiatrists are able to prescribe drugs, because they did medical
school before their psychiatrist education. Often a therapy centre employs
psychologists that do most of the sessions, and one or a couple of
psychiatrists for the prescriptions (usually after seeing the patient at least
once--that's probably mandatory, would make sense). Of course a patient's GP
could also make the prescription, at request of a psychologist.

------
pGrabber
You have already started the best thing possible - reaching out and speaking
up! Additionally, like some of the ppl have suggested, take up any physical
activity to take out the stress. I would personally recommend yoga and
meditation, they can work wonders. I have had some amazing yoga teachers who
will lend you an ear and offer holistic advice and guidance. Also if you are
on the East Coast, the winters and snow can be depressing for some people. I
used to get out and get some sun to beat the winter blues. Take care and
continue to reach out if you need more help.

------
lorddfg
lord.dfg <\-- this is my Skype.

Add me anytime you like, we can chat and hang around. I am a decent listener,
I love helping people out and I am great motivator. I do browse Reddit & help
out whenever I can but since this is HN I will make an exception just for you.

So, cheer up, life isn't over it's never to late to start again.

EDIT: anything we talk will be considered confidential. So, you're in safe
hands.

------
krycek
Do not trust your feelings when you feel sad about something. Just try to
think about the same topic when you feel good. You will see that part of the
depression is only body chemicals. That you need to stay confident that life
matters. It's like navigating in the fog, you need to find again your points
of reference.

What you can do too is to write down the reason you feel good when you feel
good. Often, being depressed, lead to question everything's worth. When you
get to a good conclusion, write it down and read it later when you start
wondering again about the same thing. This is another way to create your own
points of references.

And yes, it is not easy to get through it, but you can do it. Even though, the
day you'll get out of it you won't even notice it. Really, it's like being in
the fog, sooner or later, sun rises above and peak through.

Last but not least, you're doing the right thing : you need to TALK about it.
Not to everyone, you need some people not to be aware, just to be able to feel
normal with them, but still, talking about it is solving half of the problem.

BTW : IMO Meds are the worst thing possible when depressed. I'm no doctor,
ofc, but my meds drove me deeper than I was. They destroyed my perceptions and
my points of reference.

------
david927
I've just emailed you. Keep your head up.

------
ChrisNorstrom
Depression is caused by so many different things for different people. I don't
know you or your situation, but here's what really helped me finally leave
years and years of on/off depression:

\- Are you getting enough sunlight? \- Are you exercising? \- Do you live in
an extremely stressful environment / city? \- Do you live near greenery and
vegetation or a cold concrete jungle? \- When was the last time you took a
vacation? \- If you're an introvert do you have enough time alone to yourself?
If you're an extrovert do you spend enough time with others or are you
isolated?

You'd be amazed at how external solutions can help motivate internal ones.

~~~
manmal
Some missing sunlight can be replaced by artificial vitamin D. I sometimes
felt depressed in winter, and taking about 4000 IUs daily has completely done
away with that, without going outside more often.

~~~
CamperBob2
tubbo, you appear to be hellbanned, fyi.

------
leonty
Hey, try mindfulness meditation techniques to get in peace with your mind.
There's a great guided meditation service for that called Headspace.
<http://GetSomeHeadspace.com>

For sustainable development of mindfulness I'd also recommend regularly
journaling about your feelings though you should discuss it with your
therapist first. If you decide to try, there's a good iPhone app called
iMoodJournal. You can think you talk to me when you use it because I really
put a piece of my soul into it. ;-)

------
helpingstranger
Hey far_far_away,

I feel for you. I've been battling depression every single day for the last 14
years. And most people don't realize this when they see me as the happiness
guy in the room. But the analytical-startup-side of me has kept a _log_ of
every day, of what works and what doesn't work to change my behavior and mood.
Here's what I've found and I hope this helps:

When I'm happy:

\- It's when I've written up some code, and feel accomplished

\- I've had realistic expectations (of when I finish a project, what I expect
from social gatherings, etc)

\- I'm not so stressed (and this comes from sleeping on time, doing things in
moderation)

When I'm close to being suicidal:

\- I have high stress levels

\- My plans are not working out as expected (read unrealistic expectations)

\- There has been no balance of work/play (say I oversleep, read HN all day
and feel unaccomplished)

What to take away from this:

It comes down to stress and expectations. Sleeping early (even though I'm a
night owl, and produce great code at night) makes a difference. When you live
in the suburbs and no one's there to talk to at night, it really does suck,
when the whole town sleeps at 6am. I've gone through several therapists, but
the analytical side of me wants to figure out this challenge for myself. It
sucks, I know. But maybe for now, write down all that you're thinking, watch a
movie, play some video games, and take time to yourself, to enjoy, to be
happy. And set your phone's wallpaper to "Life is good. Be happy." (I emailed
you the wallpaper). It's just one of those life hacks when you wake up, when
you retreat from the world, and decline to answer someone's phone-call, you
see your wallpaper, and it rewires your brain into associating certain actions
with a positive mood. Know that the change won't come overnight, and know that
your actions affect everyone around you. I started looking outward and praying
for others, when that put less focus on me, less stress on my startup, and
less stress on relationships. Sorry for the rambling. Remember the power to
bring change to the world is in any one person's hands - it could be yours -
you can see it as a burden or an opportunity - take care of yourself and be
easy.

------
npsimons
First and foremost: find a new therapist. If it's not working, you need to try
something else. Even if you've tried different therapists, it's like
antidepressants: you keep trying until you find one that works. Speaking of
which, you might want to find a psychiatrist or MD who is wiling to try
different antidepressants; 10 pills a day and no effect? That sounds like the
exact case of "this one's not working, let's try another".

If the only thing you take away from this is the above paragraph, good,
because I have to preface the rest of this with IANA[P|MD].

First and foremost, founding your own startup is awesome! Do you realize what
kind of accomplishment that is? You shouldn't be depressed, you should be
proud. Not many people can claim the title of "statup founder".

Second, apart from getting a new therapist, you might want to look into books
like "Feeling Good" by David Burns and "A New Guide to Rational Living" by
Albert Ellis. Both are aimed at helping overcome depression.

Exercise is good, but the effects may taper off over time (or have no effect
at all). Mainly, if you're not exercising, you should, but not necessarily to
treat the depression (although it _might_ help).

All that being said, good on you for reaching out! While I don't think I have
the skills to help you or experiences to relate, I hope you are successful,
and I'm sure you will be. Many people have been depressed (myself included),
but recovered; you can do it too.

------
drdrdr
This is maybe not what you are looking for but someone else might find this
useful. Here are two online tools for handling depressions developed by the
Australian Centre for Mental Health Research at the Austraian National
University. (I haven't tried them myself)

MoodGYM: <https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome> E-couch:
<https://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome>

~~~
ryanbraganza
If you're in Australia, call lifeline ( 13 11 14 ) or they have a chat service
at particular hours - [https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-
Services/crisis-...](https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-
Services/crisis-chat)

~~~
chris_wot
They are great - I've used Lifeline in the past.

~~~
hnthrowaway11
I ummed and erred about posting this, as I wouldn't (and don't) want to
detract anyone from reaching out to Lifeline. This is strictly an n=1 sample.

I disturbingly had a less than great experience with Lifeline the one time I
needed some help. Specifically the operator told me she didn't understand my
issues or why I was calling. The fact that I had expectations of being able to
access an understanding counsellor and had saved them as a last point-of-call
when other options were exhausted made this particularly unhelpful. Thought
I'd post this as potentially my own expectations made this situation worse
(and if I'd read this or other online accounts I might have had lower
expectations).

Still, I got through that so maybe it was the right thing to tell me.

~~~
chris_wot
That's surprising... They were very supportive of me :-( I'm surprised!

I'm glad to read things got better :-)

------
zackmorris
I want to write something about my depression. I don't have a chemical
imbalance and am not on medication. I basically self medicate with beer,
probably too often.

I've battled depression since my mid teens, going on this long crusade to be
"successful" (whatever that means), trying to meet girls, working odd jobs
that weren't in line with my degree, sort of living an antiauthoritarian
hacker lifestyle that might sound familiar.

Anyway, one thing I've learned that's helped me largely overcome it is that
things change. The world is a lot bigger than you are. My depression was
largely caused by isolation, spending too much time in my own mind, trying to
fix big problems that nobody else could see. Most of my days were filled with
this ongoing saga of trying to solve programming problems or money problems or
political problems, but the common theme is that I always failed to really
"solve" anything, and felt like my life was a kind of revolving door, every
day was the same, rinse, repeat.

So the last two years I was unemployed, maybe earning $6,000 a year and making
up the rest by borrowing or selling things on eBay, all the time living under
about $40,000 worth of debt and student loans. I had a falling out with my
business partner after making a somewhat notable Mac game.

Then all at once two months ago, a good friend I grew up with got me a
contracting job earning six figures, depending on how long the contract lasts.
I'm not making this up. I hesitate to say I love my job, that's an awfully
strong word, but it's certainly not terrible. I have that sense that I should
have tried it a decade ago.

I've done all kind of things, I worked out for years and got ripped, I
womanized, I snowboarded, I traveled, I visited my father in the third world
and fixed some family bonds, I bought a house with my girlfriend, I bought the
truck I always wanted from Back to the Future, and got a puppy. This was in
the years before I started my job, when I was depressed. In fact, in some ways
I think I was more effective when I had nothing going for me.

Now by bank account has more than $100 in it for the first time in years, I'm
still relatively young, I have my health. But I know in my heart that I didn't
really do any of this. Life is a dream. I'm still the same old fraud I always
was, bumbling along like all the other morons. What I'm trying to say is that
even though the universe reconfigured itself around me for some reason, I'm
still not really sure why, I'm still haunted by the same existential questions
that have always bothered me. Even if I had a million dollars, I would still
be unable to achieve the things I really want to see in this life like meeting
aliens or curing death or talking to a sentient computer, that are unlikely to
happen anytime soon. There is always another reason to feel gypped. And it's
not like I ever had a need for money anyway other than to get people to leave
me alone.

Basically the cultural framework we've all built around us, concepts like
money and achievement, being in the zone, selflessness, love, are all a
distraction. There's just you, interacting with this strange reality that is
both insubstantial and more clever than you could ever conceive of. The
universe doesn't care that you're depressed. It keeps trying things to test
you and taunt you and nobody knows why.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that there's no magic bullet like pills
or diet or exercise that will make you feel not depressed. I think of
depression as misdirected free will, and only because you feel bad because of
it, there's nothing inherently wrong with it in and of itself, and I think
most people have felt it even if they're in denial about it. If you think of
the things that make you feel bad, and what it would be like to let them go,
ask yourself why you don't do it.

For example, if bills have got you down, have you tried not paying them yet.
If work is bumming you out, have you tried quitting. If you don't feel loved
in your relationship, have you taken a break. I tried checking out of my
responsibilities several times over the last decade, and although it didn't
fix my depression, it gave me some breathing room to meditate on why I was
still unhappy. It's kind of nice to feel that people needed you and were
relying on you, and I didn't feel all that bad that I let them down. At least
not as bad as I expected to.

I assume that anyone reading Hacker News is a highly effective person, so if
you find that you are unable to perform at the level that you know you can,
then something is wrong, and it could very well be something outside of
yourself. Sometimes the universe needs signals that you are unhappy so that it
can recalibrate its approach and give you something more to your liking.

I've sort of begun to take a philosophical view of all of this, that somehow
our collective consciousness forms the reality around us, and that we have a
responsibility to be true to ourselves so that we can contribute something
beyond our basic survival to the soup. You could literally fail today,
completely and utterly, and wake up tomorrow with an opportunity you couldn't
have possibly foreseen. Then the real kicker is that when you look around at
the seemingly improbable configuration of the world, it seems that this is
actually the general nature of things. I look at it as, the only real
responsibility any of us has is to keep living, and by just doing that, it
gives the universe a stage to play on.

I take it a step further, that when it's my time to expire, that I'll be
reincarnated before I can blink in another arrangement of atoms somehow
sentient enough to comprehend its own existence. But I don't want to get into
religion. I'm just saying that to think that we can somehow end our
consciousness may very well be a fallacy. We may have spent a million
generations as amoebas and sea cucumbers to reach this level of
sophistication, and there are no guarantees that the next life will be any
more fulfilling than this one. We have billions of years of evolution at our
fingertips and we don't even realize the power it gives us. We sit around
feeling sorry for ourselves like a Greek tragedy and fool ourselves into
thinking that this is all there is. It's really quite extraordinary.

So I hope that all of you keep living and doing what you do so I have
something to do while I'm trapped is this crazy reality too.

P.S. Almost deleted this just now. Then decided to leave it. Serendipity and
all that.

~~~
CamperBob2
There's a lot I agree with in what you wrote, and some that I disagree with as
well. Personally, I'm fairly certain that I understand the truth that
underlies all existence. This truth can be expressed in a statement that
embraces and extends the truths in all other worldviews, and perhaps
extinguishes them as well: _Until proven otherwise, this is all one big joke.
The only way to lose is by allowing the Universe to troll you by taking it too
seriously._

------
eaurouge
If you can disclose which country you're in, there may be support lines you
can call for help. Can you get out of the house? Perhaps going for a walk,
running, or going to the gym on a regular schedule might help some? Others may
chime in on whether any of this is good advice. Going to bed now (it's way
past my bedtime), but I'll shoot you an email when I get up. Hang in there,
ok?

------
jedireza
I really enjoyed 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle. If you have not read it
yet, the book starts with Eckhart's "I" and "myself" realization... very
powerful stuff imo.

It's in audio book format too.

[http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-
Enlightenmen...](http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-
Enlightenment/dp/1577314808)

~~~
MichaelGG
Book also starts off with a mention of how quantum entanglement proves
something about "metaphysics".

------
tippivenus
First and foremost, if you feel you might hurt yourself you need to go to an
emergency room immediately.

Second, what meds are you on and what kind of doctor prescribed them. If they
were not prescribed by a board certified psychiatrist who specializes in
psychopharmacology then I would see another doctor. It is not at all unusual
for severe depression to require multiple meds but you have to have a doc who
is good put the right cocktail together.

Three, I would recommend a psychiatrist for therapy as well. Social workers
and psychologists can be good but there are also a lot of really bad ones out
there. If you are thinking of changing therapists, meet with a few and go with
one that has good credentials that you feel a connection with.

Four, as a survivor of abuse there are a number of support groups out there
which might be helpful.

Five, and probably most important: Don't give up!!!! Depression sucks but it
does tend to be self limiting.

------
TheBDH
I feel you.

There's one thing to try:

Find somewhere close to nature (a lake, a park, a beach, a garden) and sit
there everyday in silence and just use your senses (the eyes, ears etc.) to
experience what you are in the midst of.

Don't think. Try to stop thinking. Just feel.

I go to the beach every day to see the sun set. Some days to see the sea as
the sun rises. Over months now, the effect has been unusual.

Remember to just feel. You'll find a million thoughts (problems, memories,
people etc.) trying to barge in. Try to push them out. You may yourself
thinking that there could be better or more useful ways to spend your time.
You may feel restless. Don't force it, but allow these to pass and just feel.
See, listen, touch, here...avoid tasting however. It's risky.

Don't stop anything else you're doing without professional advice.

Add this, and if you manage to make it a daily commitment, you may experience
what I have.

I look forward to a difference.

Take care!

------
kkk7
Hi stranger, the best remedy I found is tango, no not the one you see in a
media, but real, social one. It heals your soul and let your body take care of
yourself. When a stranger will embrace you as a normal human being without
asking anything back it's a great felling. Go for it.

------
morphle
Just send you an email and a Skype address. A founder that can listen. Brave
of you to ask, all my best.

------
stevewillows
One thing I am learning about is regulating my sleep pattern and eating
consistent meals. This is tough with a startup, but it really helps.

Another nice thing hat I've started to do is collect things that make me
happy. When I get down I look in the box.

Like others have said, try a new therapist.

~~~
oxide
Seriously OP, this is the best advice. I know it may sound silly, but if
you're sleeping well and eating well, you will notice an improved quality of
life

------
sairam313
Sorry to hear about your problem. Three thoughts that hopefully can help you

1\. Heard this from a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk on depression that made a lot
of sense to me: "Nothing can grow without food - stop feeding your depression
and start feeding something that you want for yourself - health, wellness,
happiness"

2\. Another good advise I heard from a noble guy on depression - get out of
yourself and try to do something good for someone else. you will see something
shift inside you and you will feel better. Service is something that can
instantly get you out of your depression

3\. Try to find a community where you can visit and interact with people.
Human contact and personal interaction (not online) can make a lot of
difference

Hope this helps and good luck SKR

------
kaa2102
I applaud your desire to seek out help (and your creativity). I am clearly not
a professional but depression is an evolutionary response to loss, trauma,
and/or change. The mind realizes that the current map of reality is off.
Ultimately, as Dr. Peck wrote in The Road Less Traveled: "life is difficult".
There are many problems to be solved in the journey of life. Life is about
solving problems and things can get a bit brighter when we decide to become
active problem solvers.

I think that you actually may have made progress in therapy because of the
mere fact that you stuck with it for 7 years. You may be further on your
journey than you realize. I wish you the best of luck.

------
Mz
You can email me if you like.

I would encourage you to seek out nondrug alternatives and gradually reduce
the number/amounts of meds. My personal firsthand experience with therapy is
that it can be useful for insight but won't likely cure what ails you. You
need people in your life who genuinely care about you. You cannot pay someone
to genuinely care. That may be why therapy isn't helping: You weren't
loved/cared about as a kid and your therapist is unlikely to care enough to
take that pain away. There is only so much progress you can make based on
intellectual insight.

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

------
TimSchumann
Likewise, sent you an e-mail.

------
larrys
"I am in therapy for 7 years now and it is not going anywhere."

Reading some of the comments in this thread there seems to be several people
that have illustrated "startup induced depression".

I think pursuing your dreams ("and not living someone elses life") is great
but people should be aware of the downside especially if (as this poster is)
they don't have the resilience to deal with the ups and downs of what really
amounts to a gamble. Something encouraged by others (and you know who you are)
that don't have to suffer the agony of defeat.

------
X4
I only feel good when my blood pressure is extremly high compared to a normal
person. How is your blood pressure when you're happy compared to when you're
sad?? I'm really curious if it has an effect on the mood. Because it
definately has a dramatic effect on my mood. (It's around >170sys/120dia and
higher for me when feeling good)

Reference:
[http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0167876012...](http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0167876012001389)

~~~
X4
Most warmly recommended, please do sports or bodybuilding. It helps overcoming
the bad feelings!!

~~~
czbond

      This is what gets me through. Heavy weights in the gym clears the mind. Sports gives the adrenaline rush.

------
nibz
Bashing is senseless especially considering the state of the country right
now. If you need someone to talk to feel free to Gchat me at kyle@nibletz.com
if you need more than that lets talk on gchat (you can email me at that
address as well) and perhaps we can exchange phone numbers.

I didn't read beyond a few of the responses.

Whether this is a legitimate cry for help or just someone who needs an
emotional pick me up to get through how hard startup life can be don't
hesitate to contact me

-Kyle

------
aneth4
The best medicine for depression is to imagine you were not depressed, think
of what you would do, then do it. Even if it doesn't feel quite right, keep
moving.

It is not always easy, but it is always the best way to move forward.
Depression is a dangerous cycle. Therapy can be helpful, but it can also be
debilitating by causing you to identify with your depression. The best thing a
therapist can do is to push you to follow the advise above.

~~~
DanBC
(I am not a doctor, this is not medical advice.)

Depression is not one illness with one cause and one method of treatment.

Our knowledge of mental illness is pretty poor.

Since depression can be a fatal illness (and even when not fatal it can be
debilitating and lead to awful life outcomes) we need to be careful when
offering advice.

> The best medicine for depression is to imagine you were not depressed, think
> of what you would do, then do it. Even if it doesn't feel quite right, keep
> moving.

I say this as politely and gently as I can: this is terrible advice for many
people. I'm not suggesting that people with depression should be cocooned and
protected from everything; that's often harmful. But we need to remember that
many people with depression have distorted thinking, and thus asking them to
focus on what they would be like if they didn't have depression could cause
them very great harm.

> Therapy can be helpful, but it can also be debilitating by causing you to
> identify with your depression.

I agree that some therapies are terrible. Non-specific counselling is usually
awful and does nothing to help, and can make things worse. But some therapy
really does work for some people, effectively curing them or giving them
techniques to deal with the illness when it strikes.

Notably, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy has good evidence for its effectiveness.

We're still muddling along with pharmacology - there are a raft of different
SSRIs / SNRIs / NASAs / etc, and then tricyclics, and then MAOIs. There's some
evidence of effectiveness, many people report remarkable changes. But still,
we don't know how these meds work, and we don't know how to find better meds.

And some people will not find relief even with good therapy provided by
skilled therapists, or with medication, and so they might try one of the more
extreme treatments. ECT is still used. It's very different now from the
portrayals in popular media (One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest is set in 1963) -
people are sedated and it's used much less often. I've met a few people who've
had it. Some of them loved it and welcomed it, and were keen for the treatment
to continue. Others didn't like it, and opted out of further treatments.

If you have depression, and you find something that works for you, that's
great. And it's great that you share that information with other people. But
please put disclaimers on it. "This is something I tried. I think it worked
for me." And please don't make declarations of efficacy unless you have decent
research to back it up.

------
yevuard
Service. Most of the details are withheld for privacy reasons, but what worked
for one person with severe clinical depression - to the extent that she lived
in the government mental hospital on constant suicide watch - could work for
you also. She volunteered to help (after putting it off for years), and her
attitude and depression vanished over a short period of time. This is one
person's tale, and may not work for you.

------
dubington
Is there anyone in your peer group into startups, at a similar position, that
you can collaborate with somehow? Or at least share ideas and experiences? I
have found it important to talk to people who share comparable recent
experiences and also share immediate future goals. Of course, such a person
might be very unusual whereever you are. But perhaps you will find them via
this post. Good luck

~~~
nameiscarl
From what I understand, it may be tough to open up to your teammates when you
feel down.

After all, in the workplace, you are expected to show leadership, strong will
and the power to go through anything. Especially in the ultra competitive
world of startups.

So I can understand the OP MO here.

PS : OPMO is a funny word.

PS : and for different reasons, family is sometimes a big no no as well.

------
spog
I'd say leave everything behind for few days, go find someone who is in need
of help and simply help them without expecting anything in return. It could be
a poor old lady working in a grocery store hurting her back just to make few
bucks or some parent worried about their dying kid.....just go out there and
help someone in need of help.

------
mvharish
Talk to family, they're always there for you. Go running or biking for ultra
long distances. Listen to mongol throat singing.

------
Bigkate
can i suggest Co-Co in one of its many variants. Co-counseling is a peer
support therapy process that seems to significant affect for most people.
There are wide variety of groups but the two principle groups are re-
evaluation co-counseling and international co-counseling. The major difference
is that RC co-co is more intense BUT more cult like running out of Seattle
whilst ICC is more distributed with no central control. Think Apple vs Linux.

it wont give you a solution today, but if you do the course, you will gain
access to significant support tools that you can access on an ongoing basis

personally I would say RC saved my life, albeit i don't do RC anymore and i
now do ICC if you want to look at some texts have a look here <http://www.co-
cornucopia.org.uk/coco/literature.htm> but there are plenty of other resources
available

best wishes kate

------
sjg007
Hey, if your startup fails, just can always find work at another company.
There is still a future. It is OK to fail, it is OK to feel depressed. You are
not the value of your startup.

Depression is hard and it hurts. You can actually rewire your neural pathways.
Therapists can help with this. It gets better.

------
infoseckid
Dude what you need is a break from everything - power off your laptop + mobile
+ tablet + anything electronic. Take a vacation for a month - .....

I am in a bad depression myself even though I am making good money from my
startup but due to other personal reasons. I am planning to go to Bali for a
month.

------
devb0x
If you find you still need a chat, my email in my profile.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, and give you peace.

------
ponce
I would advise to search energically for _root causes_ for your illness, have
a lucid stare at your life and ask yourself why you feel bad now. Perhaps you
have missing information. (edit: attention this may lead to extremely
discomfortable transitional states)

------
lynne
i love you. i think you're great. never give up. :)

------
darkhorn
Have ever triedgoing to gym (or working in phisical work (helping a friend)),
and consuming paleotic foods (no pizzas). Also, have a girlfriend.
Additionally have some friends or relatives to go out or ask them to come to
your home.

~~~
chris_wot
Re: girlfriend - I'm not sure this is wise advise. By all means, find a loving
relationship, but don't do it just because you are depressed. That will most
likely end in disaster - for both of you!

~~~
illuminate
But then they can be depressed... AND codependent!

------
Crake
I don't really have a lot of guidance to offer you, OP, but I sympathize with
your situation and hope that someone else is able to help you in the way that
you need. Best of luck.

------
advocacysusie
If you are in the US, you can call 211 and they will give you a local/state
hotline to call. Consider using this if you need to talk and therapist is not
available.

------
dahart
Exercise! It doesnt solve relationship or abuse problems, but it will improve
your mood. Thirty minutes of exercise a day is just as effective as any
medication.

------
Techasura
Don't give up. Have a love in life, let her sooth your mind. I have been
suffering the same. i'm definitely younger than you, and have this problem.

------
philprx
Best wishes for getting better. One thing that is rare and so important is
that you reach out to talk about it.

I wish you to find good listeners, this is rare.

------
RockofStrength
“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of
heaven.” ― John Milton, Paradise Lost

------
j0x
their is hope in the near future for a better and safe anti-depressant drug
see this - [http://medicalxpress.com/news/2012-12-drug-hard-to-treat-
dep...](http://medicalxpress.com/news/2012-12-drug-hard-to-treat-depression-
brain-receptors.html)

------
quangv
<http://www.liveperson.com/experts>

~~~
3rd3
I find this site depressing itself.

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beingpractical
hey buddy, this might help. Best advice any entrepreneur can ever get! -
[http://www.beingpractical.com/2012/02/03/best-advice-any-
ent...](http://www.beingpractical.com/2012/02/03/best-advice-any-entrepreneur-
can-ever-get/)

------
d0m
Feel free to drop me a line (My email is in my profile), I'm a great listener.

------
hodbby
Be strong.

------
ASDFGHJKLQWE
Jesus loves you.

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susan31415
I'm so glad you decided to reach out - that is very brave even when done
anonymously because you don't know what the response will be. I'm particularly
impressed at this choice because of your childhood abuse making it so much
harder to trust other human beings. I have also had extensive childhood abuse
(neglect, emotional, physical, sexual) and have been diagnosed with severe
PTSD. This includes depression, anxiety, and a lot of unhealthy behaviors that
are hard to change. I've made a lot of progress over the last year (after many
years of suffering silently) so I have hope for you too.

I am speaking to the abuse piece because very few people have talked about
that (perhaps even more of a taboo subject than depression). Lots of great
advice here (mixed in with a few who don't get the difficulty you face). My
best advice is (1) never give up - if you keep trying different things,
eventually you will find the right combination of things that work for you.
(2) don't blame yourself for where you are at - horrible people / situations
completely beyond your control brought you to this point in your life. And
good news, you are an adult now, and there are actually helpful caring loving
people who can help you heal. It is really good news that you survived and
found a way to be successful against all odds. You are stronger than you think
you are. You can make decisions now to help yourself even though as a child
you could not. There is hope for change because you have lots of resources
(including many offered here and within yourself) to change your
circumstances. I know you are on a long hard road - just as I am. But, healing
is possible for you.

I have quite an extensive list of things I've tried and am a really good
listener so I'll send you an email in case you want to talk.

Two things to mention: find another therapist who perhaps does another kind of
therapy all together (instead of CBT - which is probably what you are doing),
try insight oriented, DBT, brainspotting (my favorite - similar to EMDR),
meditation, body work, trauma exposure therapy). Be bold and ask your
therapist for a change and a recommendation. Most professionals understand
that they can't help anyone and can point you in the right direction for a
different approach.

Secondly, keep reaching out even when it seems impossibly hard because of the
depression. Isolation is your enemy. Find people who will understand and
support you. Seriously consider a support group in your area. Meeting face to
face confidentially with other people suffering like you can be the most
uplifting experience (way more heart warming than talking to a therapist).

Everyone is different just keep trying different things until you find what
works for you. No one should be telling you that this one thing is guaranteed
to solve your problems - you get to tell yourself what helps and what doesn't.

------
lucian303
Everyone's situation is different. I think Styron nails it down very well and
offers a lot of hope. This book has helped many, including myself when I was
down and it's a short read. Sometimes depression doesn't have a cause,
sometimes it does. Please give it a read (not intentionally promoting amazon,
easiest place to find a link): [http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-Visible-
Madness-William-Styro...](http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-Visible-Madness-
William-
Styron/dp/0679643524/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1355674569&sr=1-1&keywords=styron)

------
maeon3
Volunteer at your local homeless shelter, they don't contact you, you contact
them.

Get away from people for a while, unplug from the internet, depression is a
psychological process where you determine you have a problem that needs to be
fixed, and processing time is needed away from the daily stimulus to figure
out what to do to fix it.

~~~
klibertp
> Volunteer at your local homeless shelter, they don't contact you, you
> contact them.

Please don't. Are you trying to kill the OP or to help him?

When at the 'homeless shelter' (or any other such a place, like an institution
for drug addicts, elderly people or animal shelter) healthy person tends to
eventually appreciate the fact that she's much better off and to see hope in
the fact that those people (or animals) thrive despite all the tragedies they
were through. It's a good advice for people frustrated because they didn't get
their promotion just yet.

People in depression in same circumstances can only get worse. The fear of
becoming homeless, or an addict, or maltreated animal - however stupid this
sounds - will dominate their minds and will worsen their condition almost
universally. Worsening depression could be lethal, hence my question at the
beginning.

In short: whatever you do, as a depressed person, do not surround yourself
with pain and suffering and hopelessness. You've got enough of this inside
you.

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barackwillheal
stop taking the pills for one.

~~~
illuminate
Potentially dangerous advice when you do not know what pills they are taking.

------
verysofttoilet
Do you want to get better? Why?

~~~
illuminate
Knowing, abstractly that there is something wrong with you does not mean that
you have the perspective or toolset to fix what is wrong with you.

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seunosewa
There are some good depression meds out there. See a Psychiatrist for more
details.

~~~
seunosewa
Sorry. Didn't read the original post properly.

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arbuge
If you've been in therapy for 7 years, something tells me that you're unlikely
to get the help you need by chatting to somebody anonymous here.

See a doctor and get a prescription for an anti-depressant (prozac, etc.).
I've heard they can often be very effective in a few days-weeks time, even
where years of therapy are not.

~~~
tdavis
If you'd read the entire message, you'd know he already has many
prescriptions.

~~~
arbuge
Not sure how I missed that. Apologies.

