
Ask HN: I feel sad about my life and job, and do not know what to do - throwaway476
I am 20 years old and I am on my first job as a backend web developer. I feel crushed by it.<p>There aren&#x27;t many people beside me who work on the same project. I feel like the code base is a mess. Bug fixing is really hard, because it&#x27;s hard for me to understand what is happenining, and there are little to no logs left when a bug happens, and it feels very exhausting to think about how the software works even on a high level due to a lot of cases&#x2F;weird behaviour in the code. It sometimes just feels impossible to find out why something happened when all I have is a stack trace and messy logic spread out in multiple different layers.<p>I&#x27;ve never worked before. I&#x27;ve never been actively part of a large and complex software project before. I do not know - is this normal ? Is it normal to be so hard to understand how it all works ? I am told that I am doing well on it - but I feel so uncertain about everything, because I have nothing to compare to.<p>I do not have many friends. Just two. And I feel lonely because of it. They are good friends, but we do not go out often together, we do not party often together. I do talk to them everyday, but wish to have something more, to do something more. It&#x27;s hard for me to talk to people when I go out - lately I&#x27;ve been trying to be more open, more social and also lose some weight so I can at least like myself a little.<p>But right now, while this is clashing with my job. I cannot stop breaking down. Every week there is something - maybe something little that I cannot overcome and all of my problems start to come down on me. While previously I could struggle through the challenges at work and make it, now I just cannot stop thinking about all the things I do not like about myself, my friends and my job.<p>Do I try to leave my job ? My colleagues are good people and from what I can tell are very skilled developers. I might lose a good opportunity to learn a lot. I need income too and other companies might not be better off.
======
rchaud
Are you the only backend dev on the team? If you report to someone senior in a
technical role, have you had a chance to bring up your work challenges, and
ask for help? You mentioned that your coworkers are nice people, so they may
be more open to helping than you might realize.

You ask "is this normal?", and I would say that yes, lots of backend code is
awful. I have worked with devs ran into significant problems down the line,
even though they'd been part of the core dev team since day 1. However, what I
don't find normal is a company that would hire a 20yo without prior work
experience for this role. Communicating challenges and delays is something you
learn to do over time, with experience. I don't think it's fair to put that
responsibility on someone so young.

Good luck. I wish I had more to say that could be of help.

------
denkmoon
Your job isn't your life. The problems with the code aren't your personal
problems. It can definitely feel like it at times, but they just aren't.

You'll move on from that code. Probably to some other code that is also fresh
hell. Doing a good job in our industry is hard. Doing a great job in our
industry is neigh on impossible.

Take it one day at a time. I worked on a product for 5 years and couldn't tell
you all the moving parts. I'm now 3 months in to a new job and the complexity
of the software I'm working on is absolutely overwhelming, but you start small
and work towards the bigger problems.

------
rsal91
I am sorry things aren't going well for you. I am 27 and still feel like that
in most jobs. I've learn to leave with it. What has helped me the most has
been focusing in work at work and then pick up a hobby. Try anything, even
things that you didn't know you were interested in. I suck at sports but I am
trying Crossfit and is helping me in self confidence and as an exersice. At
work I used to eat at my desk and try to "complete" what I will be working on.
But what has helped is to take a break and go to the lunch-room and try to eat
with someone or go out with your team mates when possible. I am an introbert
and this things have made a big difference for me. Also I know life is
challenging but I would recommend to practice being grateful with what you
already have and where you are at. Life will get better and somethings worse,
but try to stay positive and grateful.

------
bridanp
As others have mentioned, it truly would benefit you to discuss this with a
therapist. Even though you are using a throwaway account, I can tell that
you're still holding back a bit. You need to openly express how you feel with
another human being in an environment where you feel safe to be your self and
to just let go.

From a personal perspective, you are not alone. While some have pointed out
"that's why they call it work", there are others of us that have felt that
crushing weight and know something isn't quite right in a future full of that
experience. It's normal to feel that way from time to time. It's abnormal to
feel that way day in and day out. And it doesn't necessarily have to be a
mental issue. It could just be that you are only 20 and you might be finding
out really early that this career path isn't for you. Regardless, please do
take some time to seek out a professional and openly discuss it.

------
throwaway6542
A few bits of advice which I have collected over the years. Hopefully
something rings true for you: 1\. Complex software systems are HARD to work
on. I think everyone in the industry struggles to piece it together. And you
are young, so it probably will feel hard and complex. I think you are on the
normal path.

2\. Maintaining balance in your life is HARD. Keep those friendships up, keep
trying to socialise, you're doing the right thing there.

3\. Counseling/therapy are really good things, don't be afraid to try that
option. Different people get this different ways - either through religion or
through referral from your GP (doctor) or go privately, or talking to eg
grandparents. So find something right for you.

4\. Try to untangle the problems from each other. Your work related stress and
your friendship/loneliness don't have to be a tangled mess. Straighten those
things out into separate issues. The metaphor I use is to have separate
containers for work stress vs family stress etc. Keep things in their own box
and practice not letting those things influence each other too much.

5\. Sometimes a job change is the right thing, and can make a big difference.
Even if it seems like a job SHOULD be fulfulling and fun and rewarding, it
might not be the right job for you. But to try and evaluate this rationally,
and make a move for a positive reason.

6\. One thing a counselor once told me: it's like you have a devil on one
shoulder and an angel on the other. They are both wispering things in your ear
(good and bad). Try to keep those little characters the same size. Don't let
the devil seem so big that you are only listening to him.

7 It sounds like you have had some positive feedback, so really try to let
that sink in and not doubt it. If someone told you you are doing well, well
you are, so take that to heart and get some comfort from that, get yourself a
treat to celebrate that.

------
tim123
Everyone has a stage in their lives when they believe that they are running
against a wall and are not moving in their lives. I am 23 and after my "normal
education" (prim. school, hi. school,..) I visited two different universities
where I did not succeeded. After these attempts, I found a small company and
was in the same position as you are. We worked for a ca rcompany, but I
stopped working after 1 months because I did not feel welcome there. What has
helped is a break from everything. Find e.g. a forest nearby and go alone
through it and most important find a hobby (nature photography is mine). You
will see that life has a lot to offer and you will see your life from another
perspective. This stage of my life last about three months and I would
recommend it to everone who is "running against a wall". After that I found
another company and currently I'm working on applications that are almost as
old as I am (also almost unreadable code). What I have learned is to go to
other team members that work longer on it and ask them questions about the
application and the problems I have with it. You can never ask enough
questions! And most importantly -> listen to your body!. We are young and we
have enough time to learn new things in life and we will work enough in life,
but once you get sick it can affect your entire life. Put your head up, go out
and do something that makes you happy.

Friends -> pick up your phone and call everony you want to meet. The worst
that can happen is that the say " I can´t I am busy" -> call the next one but
don´t give up.

"I have some bacon on my ribs" -> buy some running shoes and "Run, Forrest,
Run!" (1st week 1 mile, 2nd week 1.1 mile,.. ), cut out soft drinks, fastfood
and other "empty foods" -> full of calories no real energy

------
thorwasdfasdf
Yes, messy codebases are the norm. some places even have broken build systems,
broken configuration systems, that make even the simplest things incredibly
difficult to work with. sometimes you have to develop remotely, making
everything much harder.

It's pretty normal for work to be No fun. That's just the way it is. Save up
as much money as you can. Live as frugally as possible. With the savings you
can retire early and never have to work again.

------
captainredbeard
Stop complaining about the nasty code. Master and fix it.

Hit the gym for the mood benefits and minimize carb intake (favor protein).

~~~
rak00n
Carb isn't that bad as long as you're burning it.

------
ninetax
Therapy therapy therapy.

I know how you feel, and my guess is that there are probably deeper things
going on than just the surface issues with difficult bugs at work. You
mentioned loneliness, I'm sure that's something a professional can help you
with.

If you have health insurance I recommend seeing a counselor of some kind.

------
abdelhai
I can relate. I (and my friends) went through exactly same "challenges".
Challenges are there to be solved, what you are experiencing is not the end of
the world.

Your situation seems like a mix of depression + imposer syndrom + not exciting
tasks at work:

Job: you are 20, it's totally fine to quit and do something else. Even
something completely different. This is what the 20's are meant for. Find
something you enjoy. I switched from marketing to development at age 27. It's
totally fine to do job-hopping at this stage.

Friends: talk with them honestly. Tell them what you feel. Most likely they
feel the same and will open up. Suggest actives. Start with small things, like
drinking coffee every Sunday at the cafe around the corner, Xbox night every
Wednesday, etc.

Don't worry, you won't lose any opportunity. If you don't enjoy it, it isn't
meant for you anyways.

Good luck!

------
protonimitate
I think the issues you are facing at your current job can and will be present
in any job you take in the future.

My only advice to is to build a life that doesn't revolve around work. Its
tough to do, but necessary to get out of this funk.

I think this is common with people new to the full time work force. Your
entire childhood is spend grinding and stressing over 'getting a good job to
earn money and be happy'. Well, you can have the job and the money, but nobody
tells you that happiness is not a given.

Find out what things you enjoy to do outside of work. For me, its outdoor
activities/hobbies (hiking, biking, skiing, rock climbing, camping, etc), and
making art. I try to do something related to one of those activities every
single day. Working is just a way for me to make enough money to have a place
to sleep and afford what I like doing.

In essence, find a reason to get up excited in the morning other than going to
work.

------
csorrell
Your first job on a code base with any real complexity is going to be tough.
It just takes time, but after a while, it will start to make more sense and
you will get more comfortable with it. Hang in there. the experience you'll
get by seeing this through will be invaluable to you. maybe it is a problem
with your job and the project, but it's sounds more like it's just feeling
like you're in over your head. as a junior back end dev, you are in over your
head, that's how it goes. so long as your team understands this and is patient
with you, it's a good situation for you in terms of your own career
development.

------
esaym
>Bug fixing is really hard, because it's hard for me to understand what is
happenining, and there are little to no logs left when a bug

All I can say is that is pretty much normal...

------
throwawaystale
Sorry you're having a bad time. I'm old, but can still relate.

On the codebase, yes, most are horrible, unfortunately. Try to think of it as
your opportunity. If you can learn to comprehend and fix code like this,
you'll always be in demand, because these messes will never end.

Try to enable more logging and debug info as best as you can, and learn to use
the tools available for this.

If you're getting positive feedback, that's good. Most jobs offer little or no
feedback until things go bad.

As for weight, you should let yourself up. Nobody who matters cares, and it
really _doesn 't_ matter in the big scheme of things. You might find
intermittent fasting interesting.

Might be useful to find someone to talk to.

Good luck.

------
natalyarostova
You should consider developing a true hobby outside of work. When I was your
age I got really into boxing (I had never really played sports before), and it
gave me an aspect of my life that was much different than everything else, a
new social group, and the opportunity to build confidence (both mentally and
physically).

For you boxing might not be the right choice, in fact, it probably isn't! But
something like running, climbing, weight-lifting etc.

I believe strongly that many young men benefit from healthy stimulus, often
physical. Otherwise we get restless, bored, anxious, and depressed.

------
saluki
That's why they call it work, it isn't always going to be fun or easy.

If your employer thinks you are doing well, you are doing well.

Not having a job would complicate things more.

Focus on work while you are at work, focus on you outside of work, stay close
to friends and family that care about you. Take up a new hobby, join groups
with similar interests. Find people that like/care about you. Exercise and eat
better, healthier.

As far as work, yes most code bases are a mess.

It can be difficult to track things down and understand what is really going
on. Keep at it and you will get more familiar with it.

Start adding your own logging and messages to help you understand what is
going on and providing more details when an error occurs, this will help you
and make the project better.

~~~
HNLurker2
Nicely put. Good luck to OP.

------
nunez
If you can master navigating messy codebases and making them better and less
messy, you will be highly desired everywhere and can make a lot of money.
Embrace the suck!

When I delve into messy code (as a consultant, this means all of the time), I
always start with at least _one_ log message or interesting thing. There's
always a starting point.

Good luck!

------
fujipadam
Volunteer! I was in a similar but not the same position as you in the
beginning of my career. Crushing job in a new city. I started volunteering
with other young professionals as soon as I had some time because I was raised
to 'give back'. Unexpectedly, it raised my morale a lot and also gave me a lot
of great friends. Try googling for young professionals groups or you can
always contact your local united way.

------
deeteecee
I think you're mainly new to the discomforting/uncertainty part. Take it slow
and in steps. The uncertainty is always gonna be there in some shape or form.
I've learned to embrace it at this point.

Great to hear you've been trying to be more open. Continue improving on that!

------
illwrks
Depending on the scale of the backend... If it's such a mess perhaps there is
a business case for you fully understanding it with the intention to design
and build a better thing? One that is very well documented and fit for
purpose?

------
wenzel123
Maybe you already do both or maybe they sound banally to you but they are
important. (Especially when you're young; form habits that will help you in
the long run.)

\- Get some exercise, this might also help you make new friends.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/26978184/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/26978184/)
\- Eat healthy foods. There is growing evidence of a relationship between gut
microbial metabolism and mental health.
[https://www.nature.com/articles/s41564-018-0337-x](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41564-018-0337-x)
[https://www.nature.com/news/the-tantalizing-links-between-
gu...](https://www.nature.com/news/the-tantalizing-links-between-gut-microbes-
and-the-brain-1.18557)

This will take some time. If you still feel crushed by your job then think
about doing something else. You're still very young, you have lots of options.

If you have the time, read some books to gain perspective, to widen your
horizon. Use what works for you. Examples: \- Extreme Ownership by Jocko
Willink \- Twelve Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson \- Waking Up by Sam Harris

Or listen to some podcasts, e.g., Joe Rogan has vastly different people on his
show. You can get a lot of ideas from them.

------
ben_jones
I burned out for the first time when I was 20, it was during my first job as a
software developer. After five years of introspection the reasons I burnt out
were as follows:

* I was extremely introverted and did not reach out to others. When you're 20 its easy to feel like you're the only one, but the older I get the more I realize the second you reach out you're met with a tidal wave of "Me too" as almost everyone has felt similar but not identical feelings. Family, friends, coworkers, professionals (therapists, doctors, etc). have in my experience never failed to support me the second I reached out to them.

* I allowed my thoughts to turn almost entirely negative/cynical. The mind does this weird thing where you begin to fear what MIGHT happen so much that there is no more room for positive "headspace". When I started noting the good things in my day there was suddenly less space for negative and cynical thoughts and my overall outlook improved noticably.

* I had a false belief in what my life should be. I was 20, I thought I should be partying, dating, getting rich, instantly and all the time. This isn't the way life is, nor is it what life should be. Don't let popular/instagram-culture dictate your reality. Most of life isn't a highlight reel and that is ok because it makes the special moments (like when you DO get to go out with your two friends) all the more significant.

* I wanted to feel good all the time. I thought, gee I feel anxious/depressed all I want is for this to instantly go back to "how it was". Overtime I've come to realize life was never perfect, or devoid of anxiety, or fear. Life just was. You're not meant to feel good all the time and that's ok too.

In conclusion I think you should not quit, because if you hole up and retreat
into yourself it can get much worse. Instead start with the common advice:
prioritize life-improving habits like better exercise, sleep, diet, and
meditation. This is not an absolute cure, and some days you will feel like you
cannot do it, but it will strengthen you and help you reach your overall
goals. Then move on to different approaches until you find the one that suits
you, for me practicing positivity + forcing myself to do productive things
_EVEN IF IT MAKES ME FEEL BAD_ has been helping me steadily.

I know you're looking for an instant cure, but there isn't one. You will feel
bad at times. You will feel lonely at times. This is the human experience. But
do not let these negative feelings stop you from experiencing joy, happiness,
glee, serenity, because they surround you everyday - you just have to let them
in.

I hope my advice helps. You are not alone. In fact I think you're in the
majority. Let's find a way to help each-other. My email is in my profile if
you'd like to reach out.

------
potta_coffee
I've been through this a few times, and it's normal. For me, step one is just
acknowledging that it's normal and then forgiving myself for not being able to
meet my own standards. It's taken me a solid six months to a year to really
feel like I understand some codebases. Everyone struggles and goes through
that period where they understand nothing.

I believe in you, and I think you can do it if you want to. Try breaking down
your problem into small steps. Find a surface that you can attack to get more
information from the system. If there are no useful error messages / logs
coming from the system, maybe that's what you should start improving first.

I've also struggled with the burnout and social issues. That's life. I've
struggled with not having many friends. I have maybe two friends right now,
and we don't see each other often, because we're in different fields and we
have very different schedules. Right now I'm filling my social needs by having
a Slack channel that I've set up, and invited a couple of local developers to.
It's slowly growing as more people are invited and we chat here and there
throughout the day. It's like a tiny HN community - people who have similar
work and interests. We give each other advice and often these people help me
find a new approach to solve work problems.

I hope my thoughts are helpful, good luck.

~~~
roundthecorner
Neat idea. Taking join requests?

~~~
potta_coffee
If you want to join, by all means. PM me your email address and I'll send you
an invite. We're all located in a specific region right now but that doesn't
make a difference.

------
kwhat4
I've been doing this for over 20 years and unfortunately what you describe is
pretty much par for the course in this industry. What is a bit unusual in your
situation is how early in your career you are feeling "crushed" by it. It
usually takes years, if not a decade or more, for young developers to
"burnout."

Your job as a developer will forever be triage and tourniquets. Take a look
around your development department(s) and see how many people you find over 40
years old. Chances are there is disproportionately less than those in the 20's
and 30's, if you find any at all. Have you ever wondered where all these
"veteran developers" have gone? Based on my experience, anyone who has spent
any significant time in software development has either moved into a
management role or they have outright left the industry.

You are probably feeling pretty discouraged at this point and questioning the
next 45+ years of your career. If you have any other marketable skills, and
someone is willing to pay you for them, I would honestly recommend getting out
as soon as possible. If you do not have said skills, start thinking about what
you would rather be doing and acquire the required skills to make a
transition. In the interim, do everything in your control to limit your
frustration. The biggest action item here is to keep the number of hours you
spend smashing your face on your keyboard to a minimum. This usually means
working on software for about 8 hours per day, 5 days per week and no more.
Spend the rest of your time doing anything else, preferably not related to
technology. If you cannot complete your employers tasks within that Mon - Fri,
8 a.m. - 5 p.m. schedule, you need to reevaluate the way you work.

Some things to consider when looking for what to change:

1) Is your application using a well established framework and design patterns?
If not, this is probably the source of a lot of your frustration. Most of the
day-to-day issues related to development have already been solved by someone
smarter than you. A well designed framework will lead to good application flow
and an overall simpler code base. Don't reinvent the wheel!

2) Can any part of your development process, like integration and testing, be
automated? Automating even simple tasks can add up to significant time savings
over the coarse of a development cycle.

3) Break your application down into small, isolated and well defined parts to
make the larger overall application easier to understand and work on. I like
to follow many of the Unix design principals laid out by Doug McIlroy, Eric
Raymond and many others to help me accomplish this. Ex: Do one thing and do it
well.

4) Isolate the hard to understand or debug legacy garbage from the rest of the
application. This will help prevent the propagation of less than desirable
workflows to newer/cleaner portions of the application.

5) Refactor and replace some of the less than desirable workflows moving
forward. You maybe able to make some of these changes in-place, but if you
cannot swap out parts of your app due to complexity or other reasons, look
into replacing the functionality in question with smaller, less complex parts
for new portions of your app.

If you find yourself working for a company that wants you to put in as many
hours as it takes, doesn't see the value in making any of the above changes or
is on some autistic journey to create their own in-house framework or design
patterns, then it is time to find a new job. After working for a number of
these companies over the years, I can tell you that there is nothing you will
be able to do or say to convince these employers to help you save your sanity.
They all seem to have this "well if you can't do it we will find someone who
can" attitude that will ultimately lead to a newer, younger candidate they can
use up and burnout.

Invest some of the time you have allocated to not working in your personal
relationships and self care. This includes 8 hours of sleep, exercise, eating
well, going out with friends and spending time with family. Taking care of
things like this will help you feel better about your overall quality of life
and help keep work from overwhelming you. Remember, just about everyone in
this industry has experienced similar feelings of despair. There is much more
to life than work and your worth as an individual is in no way related to what
you do to earn money.

------
croo
Building a large code base takes years. Understanding large code bases can
take about the same amount of time. Don't sweat it and try to learn from the
skilled people around you. They probably have a few tricks to reduce the time
required to understand the next one.

------
wenzel123
f

------
opwieurposiu
In 20 years of programming I have learned that all code is terrible, some is
tolerable. You will get used to it.

What fixed my recurring unwanted thoughts was going to a meditation meetup. It
takes some practice but you can get to a point where unwanted thoughts do not
upset you, and eventually they will go away. It helps to meditate in a group,
and you may find some friends there.

What helped me a lot with social stuff was CrossFit and Martial Arts, and
dance classes. These things will make it easier to get dates and you will make
friends. They are hard but if you keep going to class you will get it. It
helps to have something to look forward too after work. It was kinda funny,
when I first started swing dance I was way more nervous then in martial arts,
but in swing dance there were not 200lb guys trying to punch me in the face!

~~~
throwaway476
>What helped me a lot with social stuff was CrossFit and Martial Arts, and
dance classes. These things will make it easier to get dates and you will make
friends

Is it really easy to get to know people in those situations ? I am awkward
with people atleast for a month after I meet them. 2-3 years ago I went to the
gym regularly for half an year, but didn't manage to befriend anyone there or
even get to know somebody's name. Maybe I wasn't trying or the gym is just
different...

I will have to try search for something related to hiking/being out in nature.
It's been on my mind to do something that makes you feel alive - that
generates adrenaline ? I am a little fascinated with how humans fit in nature
and what it takes for us to survive in the wild away from civilization. And in
general the idea of overcoming physical challenges of your body. Even though I
am a softie... Maybe there is an activity like that.

~~~
denkmoon
People go to the gym to do a specific thing, it's not a great place to
socialise. Group sports is definitely more socially oriented.

------
raztogt21
Good to see you starting your career at 20, by 25 you will have 5 years of
experience and if you didn't fool around those 5 years you should be able to
build great things. Opportunities will be plenty.

It's extremely normal to see everything as a mess. Remember, Software
Engineering has been around only a handful of decades. Don't get discouraged.

My advice is:

* Sleep 8 hours every day (this is a must, non-negotiable)

* Eat a clean diet (avoid popular diets, stick to the basics)

* Do some exercise, 4-5 times per week

If you have those three points, everything around will start to fit. Your
social life will improve, and you will be more productive at work.

Better days will come.

~~~
Relys
I know you said "avoid popular diets", but I highly recommend researching the
ketosis metabolic process. I lost about 20lbs in 3 months and I have much more
mental and physical energy. A lot of other hackers I follow on Twitter have
had similar results.

~~~
raztogt21
Sorry, I've always had an athletic shape. Even as a kid, I ate clean. Lots of
fruits, vegetables, only drink water, avoid sugars, and white bread, etc. The
basics for a nice diet.

I haven't followed the trend of the Keto movement, but I'm hearing amazing
results to others. Glad it worked for you, and congratulations on your new
body.

~~~
Relys
Yeah I was raised similarly (in addition to being a Vegetarian), but let
myself slide down the rabbit hole of laziness (desk job) and poor diet (fast
food) in my early 20s.

My wife actually learned about it while studying for medical school. It's much
more rooted in actually science about how the body actually processes
nutrients as opposed to a "woo-woo" fad diet. The goal of Keto is to shift
your metabolic process into ketosis so that your liver produces ketone bodies
to burn healthy fats as a source of energy once your have depleted your
glucose storage.

Basically what researching Ketosis has taught me is that you shouldn't just
avoid sugars, white bread, etc. but also limit certain types of fruits,
vegetables and whole grains that are high in carbohydrates as they are
ultimately converted to glucose and trigger an insulin response. There is some
fallacious logic that just because something is a "whole food", "natural" and
"not processed" that it is good for you.

Honestly, all you really need to know is that you just have to limit yourself
to under 50 net carbs per day to achieve the metabolic state. I highly
recommend trying it even if your goal isn't to loose weight as it can lead to
better mental performance, reduced risk of heart disease and higher energy
levels (as your body burns fat slowly throughout the day as opposed to getting
some carbs and then crashing repeatedly).

------
ikarous13
You sound like you might be on the verge of becoming depressed (if you aren't
already there). There are also some unsubtle hints that you're experiencing
impostor syndrome.

You aren't alone. I suggest looking around and seeing what resources are
available to you. Personally, I benefit immensely from weekly therapy, but
this is not available to everyone.

~~~
throwaway476
A couple of people mentioned depression. I am a little scared of ending up in
such a condition. I will maybe try to find a therapist to visit. It has been
on my mind to go to one, but I have been and still am afraid it might go wrong
? Since I was little I've had this very active imagination - spacing out to
some fantasy world is a constant part of daily life. I do it while walking,
listening to music and often while I am around other people. Day dreaming
helps me escape life for a bit and I am scared to talk to anyone about it.
Because it's silly and sometimes concerning - I think about saving the world,
climbing mountains, visitting other worlds, or hitting/killing other people
during some conflict (imaginary people, not those from my life). It's a big
part of me and I've never talked to anyone about it. A therapist might make me
talk about it and that scares me.

Thanks for the advice.

~~~
ikarous13
Sharing aspects your inner world with another person, especially a person who
is nonjudgmental, may be quite a validating and relieving experience for you.

A therapist can't and won't make you talk about anything you don't want to
talk about. What you share (or don't) is entirely up to you.

