
The Time Has Come to Finally Delete Facebook - myinnerbanjo
https://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2018/11/its-time-for-all-of-us-to-finally-delete-facebook.html
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finaliteration
Facebook prioritizes "connection", but doesn't question whether all of those
connections are -good- ones. I know there are a million comments out there
about how deleting Facebook led to someone having less anxiety, depression,
etc., but I'm also in that camp for a reason that I don't think gets mentioned
a lot.

I suffer from PTSD due to childhood abuse and neglect (and I'm talking heavy
drug use, physical, verbal, and psychological abuse, gas-lightning). But when
my parents, my abusers, added me on Facebook I felt obligated to add them due
to pressure from family members and friends who don't get how the abuse
affected me, and out of guilt because I had a child and didn't want to deprive
them of some relationship with their grandchild. I do know that responsibility
lies with me for not ignoring them or speaking up about it. However, leaving
Facebook severed that connection again, and I felt slightly more free knowing
I wouldn't have to interact with them or let them have a view into my life.

I started using Facebook because I wanted to cure my loneliness and make some
friends in college, which did actually happen. At first. Now it's just a
platform that reminds me of the past by forcing these "connections",
suggesting people who I had long forgotten and never wanted to speak to again.

I say, "Good riddance".

~~~
jamesrcole
Sorry to hear of what you've been through

> _Now it 's just a platform that reminds me of the past by forcing these
> "connections"_

It doesn't force those things.

~~~
finaliteration
Maybe "force" is too strong a word. However, it strongly pushes them by
generating lists of people you may know even if you haven't talked to them in
over a decade. It also makes it easier for someone to just click "Friend this
person" rather than having to find someone's number and pick up the phone.

Guilt is a strong motivator, as least for me, so granting someone that access
makes it a lot more difficult to set appropriate boundaries.

~~~
jamesrcole
It's up to you to accept a friend suggestion or request. And the UI makes it
easy to delete any friend request. If there's pressure it comes from outside
FB itself.

~~~
panarky
_> If there's pressure it comes from outside FB itself_

When I was a kid, long before Facebook, my mom would frequently receive an
anonymous chain letter in the mail.

The letter would have some dramatic emotional appeal, or it would claim to be
raising money for a poor family in the church, or it would promise pyramid
riches, or it might have some mystical mumbo jumbo warning about breaking the
chain.

But in the end, the stories about heartbreak or helping people or mysterious
calamities were complete horseshit. Their only purpose was to convince my mom
to copy the letter and send it to 12 other people, thus expanding the base of
the pyramid for the benefit of whoever started the chain letter.

Facebook is the modern chain letter.

Just like chain letters, Facebook has lots of horseshit stories about
connecting people, with implied mysterious social consequences for not
participating.

But underneath all that, the real purpose of Facebook is to amplify social
pressure to get people to expand the base of the pyramid for Facebook's
benefit.

------
JumpCrisscross
Going cold turkey is never easy. If you're having trouble withdrawing,
consider what I did over the past few years:

1\. Turn off notifications for the Facebook app on your phone; _next_

2\. Turn off notifications for the Facebook Messenger, Instagram, _et cetera_
apps on your phone; _then_

3\. Delete the Facebook app from your phone; _then_

4\. Delete the Facebook Messenger, Instagram, _et cetera_ apps from your
phone; _and finally_

5\. Log out of Facebook on your desktop.

It took me 2 years to go through from step 1 to step 5. It has made me happier
and more productive. I still have a Facebook account. But the friction of
grabbing my laptop and logging in forces me to consider "is this what I want
to do? Or am I thoughtlessly reaching for the crack pipe?"

(It's been months since I've cared to log into Facebook. Feels more like
trudging through spam in an old e-mail inbox, now, than anything compelling.)

~~~
dorchadas
The biggest issue for me is Messenger. There's a few people I only communicate
with on it, and I'd hate to lose that, even though it's not frequent
communication. Otherwise, I've had mine deactivated (so I could keep
messenger) for going on a month now, and don't miss it apart from some updates
for groups I'm in.

~~~
JumpCrisscross
> _The biggest issue for me is Messenger_

It was for me, too. That said, if you simply ignore Facebook Messages and
periodically drop in with "didn't see this until just now; shoot me an e-mail
or text next time," everything you want to see eventually makes it over.

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dlock
one of the most difficult things to relay about why facebook is a danger
(probably more so in years gone then now) is they can not visualize the
effects (both in the real world and mentally) . This was probably how drugs
where viewed back in the 70s it was all seen as fun and games and mostly
harmless.

If you say to someone dont speed, drink and drive as it may cause you to get
into a car accident its clear to see the devastating impact speeding and drink
driving can have, people can imagine it, they can see it and dont want to be
involved in it, but when you tell friends and family facebook has the
potential to brainwash, manipulate and control you its hard for people to
understand how because it is related to understanding how data can predict and
be used understand behavior, its a very new concept for many people just being
understood in the last few years.

To the majority of users they control facebook, its not the other way around,
they can delete images, comment on things, vote on things and and do what they
need to on the platform from the saftey of their own home, to majority of
people it gives them a voice when before no one cared about what they had to
say, but as the ads that they are shown seep into their thoughts without them
knowing, the articles and propaganda about the latest political events change
their behavior and their emotions and mental well being are affected as they
see their friends lives supposedly much better then theirs, they just get more
and more sucked in.

As someone with a comp sci major from 15 years ago and understanding the power
of data i have been having this conversation with people for years and even
now with so much of these facebook powered problems occurring more and more in
the media, many still dont see the effects, though at least now , the dangers
are hitting the bigger more general audience. At least there is progress there
and hopefully this will allow the public to make a more informed decision
before they put up their whole lives and the lives of their kids on social
media before their kids are even old enough to approve or accept that they
want a social media account.

~~~
mturmon
Good comments. Many people seem to believe that Facebook can behaviorally
manipulate other people, but not them. They are wrong.

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nunodonato
Facebook is not going away, not soon, at least. Not until a fit replacement
shows up.

I look at people around me, they love how easy it is to create a new facebook
"group" just to get people together working on something (event, workgroup,
plain discussion around a topic). Nothing matches this so far.

Nobody wants mailing lists (I do!), or newsgroups, or going to 2 or 3 other
website (more registrations needed) to be able to do the same facebook does so
simple.

Unfortunately.

PS - extra tip: take advantage of the containers in the new firefox, and make
sure you isolate your facebook usage in one, at least it wont track you around
the web

~~~
Markoff
just create group chat in your favorite messenger

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craftyguy
The time to 'delete facebook' has been here for several years. A more accurate
title would be 'person finally notices the writing on the wall'.

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jchw
Well, I'm certainly ahead of the times, then. I deleted years ago. Was barely
even on the platform. I don't get why it addicts so many people, it feels like
the worst way to communicate with friends; I've got group chats across several
apps and those are infinitely better even if limited. My only real regret is
the "several apps" part.

So if Facebook doesn't care, why do people think Twitter cares? Or any social
media?

I early on naively hoped Google+ would "save" social media... But honestly,
even though I was a huge proponent in it's first year or so, it became clear
the problem was really with the concept itself and not the platforms. I don't
believe in global social networks anymore. I believe in a very loosely tied
network of tiny to small communities for interests, groups of friends, etc.
And I realise some social media platforms have tried to implement groups, but
to me it never even really came close to offering what we already had with the
web of online forums and IRC channels. To me, having a single global network
where each person has their own group of friends is both too limiting and too
wide open.

~~~
gbear605
The benefit from Facebook that isn't really offered by anything other than
Google+ is the "Christmas Card" news - you find out when your old friends and
distant relatives have important things happening in their lives, like moving,
getting married, having kids, etc. Also people like to live vicariously
through their friends, which they can do through photos of their lives,
especially kids and trips.

~~~
jchw
Yeah, I see how different kinds of people may genuinely benefit from Facebook.
Maybe it is a personality thing, but I can't relate.

------
pasta
I never had Facebook but still got my friends, family and places to go to.

As an outsider I find the fuzz around Facebook amazing.

So what Facebook does only care about money. Are they supposed not to?

If you don't like Facebook just leave and don't be so dramatic about it.

~~~
humanrebar
Facebook still tracks non users in photos. There are some benefits to getting
especially you close friends and family to quit.

~~~
mrits
What are your thought on resolution advancements in satellite imaging?

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the_snooze
All the rewards and none of the responsibility. It's the Silicon Valley way.

~~~
dleslie
Repackage business models that exist in developing nations as a result of
extreme income disparity or poverty and call it the new gig/sharing economy.
Make sure the app captures as much data from the user's phone as possible;
it's worth something.

~~~
jammygit
Could you elaborate on the business model repackaging? Did these models really
come from developing nations?

Edit: typo

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m0llusk
This is really stuck up and unrealistic. People need connection and Facebook
provides that. Provide an alternative or suck it up. Positive and negative
causes both feed off of what Facebook has to offer. Being high and mighty
isn't going to be enough to fix what is wrong here.

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ty_a
Facebook will delete itself.

[https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=today%205-y&q=...](https://trends.google.com/trends/explore?date=today%205-y&q=%2Fm%2F02y1vz)

Facebook interest has been steadily trending down for years.

~~~
kryptiskt
That's not the way the Facebook user base and revenue has moved. But of
course, why would anyone already on Facebook search for it?

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rasengan0
have done.

