

The 1 way you need to attack shyness - prakash
http://www.redditall.com/2008/07/1-way-you-need-to-attack-shyness.html

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ChaitanyaSai
It might be better to hear the same advice unpacked by someone who has been
through this as a teen. 'Everyone's the same' I think most introverts assume
that, but at a more cognitive level . However, these calm, analytical thoughts
are swamped by a lot of frantic, emotional unthinking reaction when the moment
arrives. Don't beat yourself up even more for not remembering what you knew.
These are two different parts of the brain taking charge at different moments.
You can use your excessive analytical abilities to aid you. As I grew older
the introspective part got directed outward in an attempted analysis of people
around me. I don't think I am good at it, but it is endlessly fascinating and
also helps in gradually arriving at the realization that we are all faced with
the same situations and potential embarrassment. We may not all be the same,
but the situations we face often are. Shyness may be due to a lot of different
things. In my case, I realized it was a fear and an intense dislike for
failure. A lot of early achievers who have been praised for their effortlessly
great performances probably have the same roots for shyness. It really is a
fear that you are caught out and found to be mediocre, or just like everyone
else around you. This comes from internalizing the idea that your worth
somehow depends on people's evaluation. Well, that is true up to a certain
extent, but again one slip-up rarely ever brands you as a wannabe. The next
time you feel your anxieties rapidly welling up, ask yourself what the worst
could be. And the objective answer ,unless you are in hand-to-hand combat or
being cornered in a dark alley, is it is not remotely as bad as your fears
make it out to be. Most fears often resolve to a single question that you have
already answered for yourself in the negative. Don't trust you theories, trust
empiricism. You'll never know for sure until you have tried. A bit of
subterfuge might help too; when paralyzed by fear, allow yourself to gloat
that you are the only one even attempting what no around is daring to.

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bprater
Everyone "eats, shits and dies" is similar to the "everyone puts their pants
on one leg at a time". I think it's an effective saying, but won't resonate
with everyone.

I think the best solution for some folks is to simply force yourself into the
situation over and over, like going to a meetup and making yourself talk to
everyone. Eventually, your brain will get the idea: okay, I can deal with
meeting and talking to new people.

Here's my tip: learn how to ask great questions when you meet people. It takes
the spotlight off of you and let's them "do the work". I can have entire
conversations where I say very little if I'm feeling anxious at the moment.

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xlnt
> "everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time"

i put my pants into a device which holds them open, then i stand on a platform
and jump into them.

BTW I'm thinking of starting a company to sell this device. Anyone interested
in being a co-founder?

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noonespecial
Wallace has prior art on this one. Grommit filed the patent.

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rokhayakebe
The problem with people who are shy is that we are swamped with advices from
people who are not. Seriously. Stop.

EDIT: That being said I can give one piece of advice to guys who are shy. Work
out. Work out. Work out. You will be amazed how much NATURALLY produced
testosterones can affect your behavior.

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alyx
Imho, you're confusing shyness with a lack of confidence.

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dcurtis
They go hand-in-hand, and are almost inseparable.

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gojomo
Oh, bless his heart. He's "never had a problem with shyness" but still thinks
remembering his one-line platitude is "sound advice" for the shy.

Extrovert bluster can be so cute!

~~~
icey
I sure wish I could vote for you. Instead, please take my comment here to mean
that I would have upvoted you.

Maybe one day I'll be able to vote again =x

~~~
alaskamiller
I rarely up/down vote but I did upvoted him just for you.

~~~
icey
You are a gentleman and a scholar, thank you.

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astine
Doesn't help, but does give me an idea for a great icebreaker...

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xlnt
"Everyone is equal" is not a solution to shyness. People are often shy to
speak to someone they consider worse than themselves; shyness empirically does
not function as implied.

