
Ask HN: Have you experienced completely loss of interest on everything? - lossofinterest
Guys,<p>After many years trying and being extremely pro-startup, pro-entreprenursip and failing almost every time, all I can do right now is just stay at bed. (I&#x27;m 23 btw)<p>I lost interest on everything. The world will still go with or without me. Taking a job at tech right now is the last thing I want. If I could break my Mac in 10 pieces, I would. (I won&#x27;t).<p>I can&#x27;t believe I came this far down. I don&#x27;t talk about this outside my family. I went to multiple therapies in the last year, but didn&#x27;t help. Meds made everything worse (which forced me learn the hard way about the big-parma lie &#x27;chemical imbalance of the brain&#x27; theory).<p>So I ask you... What motivates you to do what you are currently doing? (8&gt;= hours&#x2F;day)<p>Of course, if you are at SpaceX, Tesla or Uber doing Autopilot that would be really interesting, but doing CSS3 or even React is not something that makes me feel the world needs me.<p>I convinced my self for so long that whatever I was doing was going to be great and help lots of people, but it didn&#x27;t.<p>Thank you
======
coralreef
There's an expression: "winning solves all problems."

Its very tough to keep doing the same things if you keep losing. Conversely,
you'll have no problem finding the energy to do hard things when you're
winning.

Comparing yourself to others (those SpaceX/Tesla/Uber engineers) is not a
productive thought; those people have failings and frustrations too. Don't
fantasize that you would be so much happier if you could do those things - its
not necessarily true.

You probably still love programming, design, marketing, whatever. Find the
smallest, easiest win you can get right now and put it in your pocket. Maybe
thats as simple as following a 1 hour tutorial on coding something you wanted
to learn about. Or maybe its designing something in Photoshop that you thought
would be cool. Whatever it is, keep the commitment short, and you'll feel
better by the end of it.

You have a lot of time to be successful, accept that it might not come so
soon. In the meantime, maybe try to live a normal life, you can always work on
side projects on evenings and weekends. Expand your life experiences,
eventually a great idea will come to you.

~~~
xiaoma
That's not a very insightful expression. I almost invariably get bored with
winning. In fact, I've left multiple schools, jobs, cities and even a
competitive sport because there just wasn't enough challenge.

I thing what you really need is some balance between the difficulty of winning
and the skills and focus you can currently bring to bear.

~~~
coralreef
Single line quotes can only go so far.

~~~
ak39
This is one, OTOH, has excellent mileage. Well said.

------
navs
I don't know if you're depressed, burned out or facing a bout of apathy. What
I do know is that I feel/have been feeling very similar. I'll end the
comparison there.

Now here's what I've been doing to get through each day: 1\. Routine - from
brushing my teeth at 6am to going to bed at 10pm. I stick to it like glue. 2\.
Pick a goal - Mine is to lose the fat and get fit. So I've taken up Muay Thai.
3\. Projects - They don't have to be technical. It can be something like
running a local meetup on depression, writing a short story or starting a
small t-shirt business. If it's tech based, use the tools you love/want to use
and not the ones screaming at you in every new tech article. 4\. Dial back on
the tech news - Got rid of the social media accounts, RSS readers and 'read it
later' services. 5\. Meditation - Having trouble with this one but I hear it
works well for others.

The routine ensures you've got a starter to your morning so you don't lay in
bed all day. Then you keep that momentum going with your projects and goals.
It's all part of your routine. The trick is to keep moving because when you
don't, the bomb explodes. Think of yourself as Keanu Reeves.

After a while you may find you're interested in tech again. I know I certainly
did, just not React, Preact, Webpack, etc. Those little projects you're doing
might get your interested in a different side of tech or maybe not in tech at
all.

If you'd like to chat, my email's easy to find. Hope this helps in some small
way.

~~~
senjindarashiva
Id like to add, make your bed to the first step of the routine, it seems
somewhat silly but I have found that it really helps.

No matter how bad the day goes you still did one thing and it's nice to come
home to a well made bed

~~~
elcct
It is also good idea to invest in quality bedding and some nice throws,
pillows and to just make it look like a bed in a good hotel. It takes more
time to make the bed then, but sooner or later you'll get good at it :)

------
ilaksh
The biggest issue is that people confuse popularity for merit. Just because
your startup didn't become extremely popular doesn't mean that it wasn't a
good idea. People only have so much money and attention. Making a hit is like
winning the lottery. Even having a successful business these days is a bit
like that. People who say it is easy don't realize how lucky they were or the
advantages they have.

If you are depressed its because on some level your mind wants you to take a
different tack. If you are frozen it means your subconscious mind hasn't
figured out what direction or change to do.

Come up with a change to your approach or expectations and convince your
subconscious that this will lead to more positive reward signals.

It might just be lowering expectations a bit because business is harder and
requires more luck than most people make it out to be. OR, maybe you are
giving up on your ideas too soon. Maybe consider giving an idea up to three or
even four years before you declare it a failure.

------
nottsp1
You're 23. Be 23. Everyone your age these days wants to start the 'next big
thing', statistically you won't. Don't stop trying, but don't make it
everything. Remember, even if/when you do succeed, you still need enough of
you left to keep the machine running. Live a little. Wisdom = knowledge +
experience.

------
throwaway019283
From someone struggling with depression: I'm not a doctor, but you sound
depressed. Lack of motivation in things that you used to find enjoyable is a
huge red flag. It sounds like medication hasn't helped, but please don't throw
away an entire tool that might be able to help. Meds aren't a silver bullet,
but they DO help a lot of people, and there is evidence to suggest that
flooding your brain with serotonin or dopamine can help with some aspects of
depression.

~~~
popnroll
Flooding tha brain with serotonin and dopamine are the solution, but the
problem is that most of medications are reuptake inhibitors. They doesn't work
for many people and have horrible side effects.

~~~
dsego
Aripiprazole is helping my brother after several months of anhedonia and
depression. The usual antidepressants and mood stabilizer didn't help much.
Although, this all came after a psychotic break and there is a suspicion that
he suffers from bipolar or schizoaffective, so not sure it applies. Sulpiride
also seems to be helping my father somewhat, for years he had been on
quetiapine.

------
bkovacev
I've had a two year period where my feelings were dominated by apathy and
depression. Nothing appealed to me anymore, friends, going out, video games,
programming, school, work. Literally nothing. My parents, gf told me they
loved me and while I said something back, I did not really feel it or mean it.

Best advice I received was from my dad - in life you have three different
types of inner motivation:

* fire and anger are the initial drive - they help you start something

* professionalism and existentialism - they help keep you going

* self-fulfillment - they help you finish

One motive that is inwrought through all these motivators is "sometimes you
have to be your own hero". You have to have the fire, you have to have the
professionalism, you have to fulfilled. Not others. Step it up, I'm sure you
have it in you!

Don't give up, your life has purpose and you are valuable :)

~~~
Philomath
Your dad gave you some valuable advise. Great man. I've also been in your
exact same situation with family, friends and gf.

What helped me the most is having a friend who was going through the same.
Sharing your problem with someone that is actually in the same spot makes you
stronger.

~~~
bkovacev
Thank you. I'll be sure to mention that to him! :)

Exactly - talking with someone who is going or went through the same is
invaluable as no one can understand you better than someone who shared the
same struggle. It doesn't have to be an advice, but just the fact you are not
the only one and not alone is extremely comforting.

Plus, the bond it creates lasts for a lifetime and it just takes your
friendship to a whole new level. Usually the people you struggle with, you
remember for life.

------
taway_1212
Is helping others really so important to you? If so, why didn't you pursue a
path where doing it is much easier and direct (than in tech), such as for
example being a doctor or a nurse? I suspect that this speak about helping is
some sort of fake BS that your mind picked up (it is prevalent among the
startup crowd). More experienced people speak about it as a form of political
correctness (as it sounds better that doing a startup for just selfish
reasons), while young people such as yourself treat it at face value and can
even internalize it as their own values. I'm not saying that's what happened
with you (I don't know you) - just please take a minute and think about it.

------
znpy
Are you happy? [http://musho.tk/l/e4cc8e21](http://musho.tk/l/e4cc8e21)

Changing context works awesomely for many people, and that is my advice for
you.

Change field. Change friends. Change (girl|boy)friend. Change state or nation.
I mean, change something.

Maybe you'll want to come back after a while. Maybe not. But if you don't like
what you're doing right now, why keeping on doing it?

Take advantage of the fact that you're just 23 right now and probably have
very little duties (i mean, no children to provide for, or house loans, or
wife/husband).

------
devwastaken
>which forced me learn the hard way about the big-parma lie 'chemical
imbalance of the brain' theory

Its not a lie, simply that what you were taking isn't helping. There can be a
lot of reasons for that, the most obvious one being that it doesn't work for
you. Drugs for mental health are still very much unknown, but there are
definite benefits for /some/ people.

Overall, with or without drugs, you've gotta do what works for you, and thats
what lets you work out of it. What people mean by that is to change around
your lifestyle. No, you can't just change your overall feelings and thoughts
in such a small time, but you can change what you're doing, right now.
Perhaps, rather than working with React and projects on your off time, you
make tables. Perhaps you volunteer at local shelters, churches, etc. Perhaps
you add in some gym time, run time, just do something physical because it
makes you feel different. Perhaps you don't do anything productive to anyone
else at all and instead just do some things for /you/. Thats okay, and its not
a cop-out.

Quotes and sayings don't change things, but they do provide some perspective.
Famously, an anthro professor once said to their students: >“you all have a
little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in you, that’s why you’re here, in
college. I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one person, and
it’s okay if that person is you”

------
anon363764
In pretty much the same boat, broke and living in an RV. Exercise/fitness, set
routine and take a semi-bullshit job to stay busy the truth is the banality of
nearly every venture. Stay busy no matter what, because idleness and
depression are dangerous. Find joy and "move the needle" to positivity.

Here's Uncle Mullet to brighten anyone's day:
[http://youtube.com/user/gladyscalls](http://youtube.com/user/gladyscalls)

------
hnhnic
I am in the same boat as you, more or less, except I am way, WAY older (I
won't even say how much older).

The only real advice I can give is that you should worry less about getting
satisfaction from work, and more about finding things that will bring you
satisfaction.

I would especially look at things outside of tech or "gadgets" and more toward
forging meaningful relationships with other people.

Trust me when I tell you that when you get older, it's those kinds of
connections in your life that will mean much more than success at a "starup."

Not to say that success in business or professional life is worthless, just
that you need to find a good balance between "work" and "life."

Also, as you are so young, if you aspire to work at Tesla of SpaceX or
wherever, you should continue to work towards fulfilling those goals. Don't
give up on life just because of some temporary setbacks.

Cheers

------
aaronhoffman
Something that motivates me is knowing that I could easily be in a much worse
situation. I'm working indoors on computers, and I'm not being actively shot
at, so pretty good overall.

------
tomhoward
Hey there,

I've had several years struggling with poor motivation, fatigue, depression
(that resisted medication), but I'm now in solid recovery.

Please believe me when I say it can get so much better. But there are some
important things you need to do.

Somehow you need to figure out what your "inner self" (by which I mean, the
part of you that is stopping you from progressing towards your goals) really
wants to do with its life, then find a way to work towards that a little bit
every day.

After trying all sorts of different things to get well and get motivated,
that's what ended up working for me.

I learned that the reason I wasn't able to find the motivation to do anything
was that none of the things I was "supposed" to be doing were things that I
cared about or could see great value in. At the same time, the goals I really
wanted to work on were so huge and scary that I became paralysed with fear and
unable to progress at all.

If the case is similar for you, which I suspect it may be, the next step is to
find a way through the middle of those extremes.

You have a starting point in that you love the idea of working at a company
like SpaceX or Tesla. That says to me you want to do something that has a huge
impact on the future of the world, and anything else seems pointless. But
equally you might be scared of what's involved in actually progressing into
that kind of role.

I know what it's like to feel that way, and it was much the same for me.

And after a long time working at it day after day after day, I now am working
on multiple projects that are starting to have a major impact on the world and
are continuing to show solid growth. Bit by bit I'm more productive and less
afraid as each day passes.

But you need to do a lot of contemplation and perhaps a lot of talking to
different people to figure out what the goal is and what steps you need to
take.

I've found it very beneficial to do a lot of emotional exercises to better
understand what my "inner self" is thinking and how to overcome the barriers
between where I'm at and where I want to be.

I'd be very happy for you to contact me directly if you'd like to talk
further. My email address is in my bio.

I might even be able to introduce you to someone in Tesla's Autopilot team.

Either way, lots of love and good wishes to you.

~~~
throw45745
Believing there is one true self and you need to find it brings even more
suffering and burden if you are not able to. One needs to preoccupy themselves
with activities and interests with small expectations and appreciate all the
things they do have. For example I am always happy that I am still alive, I
consider it a victory.

~~~
tomhoward
Thanks for pointing this out.

I don't think there's 'one true self' \- I reworded it to "inner self" (by
which I mean, the part of you that is stopping you from progressing towards
your goals).

I've certainly learned that we all have multiple different parts to us pulling
us in all different directions.

But I've also learned that the path out of paralysis is to connect with and
listen to the part of you that is screaming "no" and stopping you from doing
things, and that this can lead to a process of bringing our different parts
into alignment so we can start progressing.

But I certainly understand it can be difficult and slow - it has been for me.

And I also certainly agree that gratitude for the small things and
appreciation for small wins and simple pleasures are fundamental.

------
cpncrunch
Youre burned out and depressed. Take a break and think about what you really
want. Youre still very young. If youre doing something for >8hr a day that in
itself can lead to burnout. Motivation comes naturally...you cant force it.

Perhaps you should work for money in a non stressful job and do fun
development stuff in your spare time.

------
derstander
It sounds like anhedonia to me.

I ran into a similar problem. As far as I can tell, it was mostly due to
burnout. I worked too much and never really took a vacation -- other than
visiting family twice a year for roughly a week per: some people might find
that relaxing but I honestly find it somewhat stressful.

Pretty much the only thing that got me moving again was a short-term leave
from my job : my boss was very understanding. I did a short stint WWOOFing.

I think the combination of physical work, a job that ended at a set time in
the day, and a near-complete technology disconnect are what worked for me.
During my day-to-day (both as an engineer and trying a startup), I always had
something on my mind, even when I wasn't technically "on-the-clock". I don't
think that can go on forever without exacting a significant toll on the
psyche.

------
dsego
Money motivates me. Without it I couldn't afford things I need and/or help my
family. I'm in my early thirties and still feel like a kid, don't want to take
responsibility and feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. But
it's just being selfish.

~~~
kchauhan
Same is true for me but yaah i am 25.

------
rmetzler
Most of us don't "change the world". You're not supposed to change life for
mankind, you're supposed to change life for one other person and that's
enough.

I don't know what you did and what you failed at, but I guess there was at
least one thing you didn't failed at. One thing that you thought you would
like to do more often and get good at.

I tried to freelance as a fullstack developer, I sucked at acquiring new
clients, made mistakes and got very depressed. I was broke again and took a
job at a B2B startup in my city. I don't need to commute, I ride there
everyday on my bike. It's not rocket science but it's challenging enough and
requires a lot of communication skills.

------
goldenshale
In down times nothing is interesting. Now is time to focus on yourself, your
friends, and your family. I recommend exercise and nature to help clear your
head and bring confidence and vitality back into your life. Get out hiking,
jogging, or biking, and read books you love. Maybe software isn't for you, or
maybe your skills are the perfect fit for some other kind of organization that
helps the world and makes you feel proud to be a part of it.

------
angersock
> _So I ask you... What motivates you to do what you are currently doing? (8
> >= hours/day)_

Hint: nothing. I've just finished a year-long vacation from dealing with
startupcanistan. It's been wonderful, though I'm probably heading back soon.

It's totally normal to get burned out on something that hasn't been directly
rewarding to you--ignore the bullshit echochamber and media about our
"industry".

------
cryptozeus
Man, first of all its a great start to talk about this publicly. So congrats
on that. May I suggest trying meditation few min for a week? Try calm app
..its free and has a great 7 day program. (I am not affiliated with calm,just
a happy customer)

solition to your problems may be found within your self. I would also suggest
on cutting time on the internet. You are only 23 and you have your full lige
ahead of you, you have not lost interest...you have probably saturated your
brain to the point that it cant take it anymore.

Meditation helped me in my stressful time. I had a common misconception that
meditation and zen stuff is all BS and it will slow me down in life. Then i
read the book "where ever you go there you are" which completely changed my
view. I have been practicing meditation for 2 years now (10-15 min first thing
in the morning). This has made a 180 degree change in my life.

PM me if you want to talk over the phone or email.

Z

------
ansek
As I see it, the problem is in your mindset, more precisely that you're not
evolving yourself. At some point, you just created a set of rules that hold
you back in life. And you brain is constantly see the world through that
particular set of rules: for example, CSS3 is boring, working in Tesla is
awesome or I want to change the world, but don't have resources, therefore
it's boring or the thing that if you are comparing "boring React" with "cool
Autopilot in Tesla" shows the lack of understanding of the world.

Read Carol Dweck about growth mindset, change the mindset and start seeing the
world differently.

And also, don't piddle "entrepreneur" and "startup" \- I can argue that you
really don't know how it works and you just have knowledge of it from cool
articles, Tony-Stark-style business moves, and movies. Learn how it really
works.

~~~
popnroll
Why comparing something he isn't interested with something that interest him
shows his lack of understanding of the world?.

~~~
Rzor
I think parent is arguing that OP is deriving his misery from far fetched
goals that may be almost impossible to fulfill; that if he settled for less
ambitious accomplishements from a different perspective he would not feel this
way. Or maybe that's just me.

------
Joof
I stopped getting all my satisfaction from code, computers and tech.
Exercised, took up some hobbies, particularly those outdoors. You can work a
normal job somewhere and it's perfectly fine (at least for a while) -- the
money is good and you can do a good job.

------
akrkfiel4ofel2o
I have, and it's what I live everyday! I'm just pretending to be interested in
things. I figured I'd rather be sad surrounded by nice things, so the only
thing that motivates me is money. I honestly don't give a damn about what I
even do, but the pay is good, so I'm just rolling with it.

I was too scared of meds, so I never took any. Probably should've, in
retrospect. Maybe I could've gotten fixed. Can't be helped now, I guess!

------
rochak
I think that I too am going through this phase right now. I am just stepping
into the professional world and feel the burden of responsibilities
overwhelming my mind. I have to earn money, more than what I need so as to
support my family. I am 21 right now, but time feels to be slipping away at an
exceeding pace. The job that I will be starting is not what I wished for but
is still fine. I want to look for another job but it's very difficult. I am
from India and it's quite competitive here. Don't know what to do.

------
Markoff
most of the office jobs are really irrelevant, you can either get in peace
with that or change profession if you wanna do really something meaningful or
try to find positives how your affect people's lives in some small way even
through some office job

i used to work in call center, it was not 911 life saving line, just insurance
claim registration, though even it was bad pay it was sort of satisfactory to
help people who experienced disaster or accident and talk them through it when
they were in stress, at least i knew i calmed down some people and checked
their priorities that maybe they crashed their car but they are not injured

higher i went with salary later in IT less satisfactory was the job, because
in the end of the day what will be difference if there will be minor bug in
mobile phone OS, i always found it funny how serious newcomers took it, they
think we are saving lives by fixing crashing so under certain scenario? in
this regard bakers job is much more important than mine

nowadays i just don't care, job doesn't really fulfill me, or better said i
can enjoy it despite knowing it's pretty much irrelevant

if you really feel the urge to do something meaningful switch progression,
those important are actually usually very easy to enter, i am seriously
considering now if i should become policeman since police have trouble to find
people with offered salary, it would be pretty useful job, though i guess not
so good to provide for my family

~~~
taway_1212
> in the end of the day what will be difference if there will be minor bug in
> mobile phone OS

Even if the bug only provides an inconvenience or irritation (as opposed to
say a crash or data loss) for one minute per user per year, it's still
tens/hundreds of millions of people whose lifes were made a tiny bit worse.
It's something like being an asshole to someone in the queue at the grocery
store - it's just that one person affected and he'll forget that in 15 minutes
- but it does not make it ok.

------
gdulli
> Meds made everything worse (which forced me learn the hard way about the
> big-parma lie 'chemical imbalance of the brain' theory)

Many people are helped by such meds. But our bodies are all different and
sometimes our symptoms are caused by different reasons and fixed by different
solutions. Just because you weren't helped by them doesn't mean they're a lie.
There's a whole world out there of other people having different experiences
than you've had.

------
popnroll
I'm on the same boat. I've spend lots of energy on projects that nobody cared,
eventually I lost self-motivation and stopped enjoying life. The last four
years I tried different medications with no results.

We live in a world where success is the main motivation. When you realize you
don't have the resources to study AI at Harvard, or the contacts to make your
product successful; That motivation is gone.

All I can say is don't be harsh to yourself. And remember you are not alone in
this unpleasant experience.

Good luck.

------
jakobegger
Depression in your 20ies is not uncommon. I think it goes away with most
people.

It'll seem like there's no way out (that's what makes it a depression). But
for most people I know, it just went away or got weaker as they got older.

I haven't heard from anybody who was cured quickly by meds or therapy, so I
wouldn't worry too much about a lack of progress. It doesn't mean your
depression will stay.

------
auganov
Well, you can get a baby, it will absolutely need you :)

------
NicoJuicy
You should know that world class startups fail 99,99% of the time. You can't
be sure that you will ever be that 0,01% .

Next in line, if you want to do something, think about friends that can help
you. It will make it more easily to succeed.

Just don't be a world class startup or you'll get into depression. Try to be
the small startup, which has real revenue/profits.. You'll be a lot saner :)

Tackle a problem at a time ;)

------
FullMtlAlcoholc
As someone who's been there and understands your thoughts and feelings, I'm
going to make this very short and simple.

If you've lost interest in everyrhing and you have felt this way for longer
than a few weeks you are not just burned out, you are depressed.

UNLESS you are prescribed Selegelline, I highly recommend you avoid taking the
medical route. (Selegelline is worth taking even if you are not depressed for
its neuro protective qualities and possible neurogenesis).

If you feel up to it, do cardio (running, biking, playing basketball, etc.) 40
minutes a day, 5 days a week or 60 minutes a day 3 days a week. It must be
aerobic exercise, not just lifting weights.

It can be tough to generate the motivation. My solution to this was to buy a
pack of energy drinks specifically made to be taken before a workout(Redline,
not red bull, monster, etc.) . If I didnt feel like working out, I would
ingest the energy drink. At that point, Id have no choice but to exercise
because being sedentary in that state is extremely uncomfortable.

Going to a doctor and trying to find not only the right medication, but the
right dosage is hell and can take a year or more. Not only that, medication
often causes many undesirable side effects such as anxiety, weight gain and
sexual dysfunction, which may lower your well being even more.

If you have a good friend, task him/her with motivating you to stick to your
exercise regiment. Not only is it free, it works better than medication, it
will proba ly extend your lifespan, and it will moat likely make you more
physically fit/attractive.

~~~
swapneeld14
yes there is difference between burned out and depressed.

------
DebasishPanda
Yes, only when client delays my payment, which is happening now.

Seriously, I am a frontend coder, I am all happy about coding HTML/CSS &
getting paid for it. If that one element is taken away from me then I have
nothing to look forward to.

------
throwaway1892
Does never having any interest in anything count?

Still, my work is not my (whole) life and is nothing more than a way to earn
money to support me. At least that way I'm not disappointed by my current job,
which is mostly useless and unrewarding.

------
ruytlm
> _The world will still go with or without me._

This is always a difficult realisation to come to - yes, the world will go on
regardless, and it's tough to live with the thought. It'll go on just fine
without you, or me; but it's also going along pretty well without Thomas
Edison, and George Washington, and Steve Jobs, and some day it'll go on
without Elon Musk too. That's kind of the beauty of it - there's always a
future to look forward to, because nothing is the be-all and end-all.

> _I convinced my self for so long that whatever I was doing was going to be
> great and help lots of people, but it didn 't._

And that's completely okay. Like, legitimately, 100% okay. No one says you
have to help lots of people. There's an excellent quote that makes the rounds:

> _You all have a little bit of 'I want to save the world' in you; that's why
> you're here ... I want you to know that it's okay if you only save one
> person, and it's okay if that person is you._

It's a dangerous line of thinking to realise that the world will go on
regardless, and that nothing really matters. In fact, when I was 23 (currently
30) I remember a similar sort of malaise. What helped me personally get out of
it was realising that even if nothing really mattered, I still had choice. I
could still _choose_ for things to matter - because there was nothing to tell
me otherwise. _You_ have the power to choose the things that are important to
you. And you don't have to choose them for any reason - you can choose to get
out of bed just to prove you can do it. Or you could choose to because you
want to save puppies, or see the Pyramids.

My view, and what motivates me, is that work is not necessarily what defines
me or what defines my successes; it's what my work enables me to do that
motivates me. Sure, in some cases, my work enables me to directly help people
as part of my job. But the money it pays me also enables me to help friends or
family, or even strangers, in ways _outside_ my work. I chose to do what I can
to make the world a better place, and even if I only manage to do that for a
small group of people, that's okay. Sure, I'll still try to change the world,
and be an Elon Musk megastar, but I'm okay with just making a few lives
better.

In fact, some of the greatest people I know are those who work regular,
straightforward 9-to-5 jobs, and who choose their family to be the thing they
value most. They are amazing parents, dedicated to doing everything they can
to give their kids the best opportunities. They are great not because of their
work achievements, but because of their personal achievements.

Another thing to keep in mind, is that there are many more people contributing
to things like SpaceX, Tesla, Uber, etc, than just the people working there.
There'd be no Tesla or Uber without the people who work through the night
laying asphalt to make new roads and fill potholes. There'd be no SpaceX
without the people who mine the aluminium they use to build their rockets, or
the mechanics who service the boats that pull their landing barges.

For me, I still have days where I don't want to get out of bed. I lie there,
thinking about staying in bed, and calling in sick to work - because if I stay
in bed, the world will still go on without me. There's no real reason to get
out of bed. I don't _have_ to.

But, eventually I do get out of bed; not because I _have_ to, but because I
_want_ to. Because I _choose_ to.

Also, just worth noting - when Elon Musk was 23, it was 1994, and he was yet
to found a company, and he didn't make all his money through SpaceX - he made
it by making a payments platform.

Hope this helps.

------
tchib00
Let me address a few of your points.

>What motivates you to do what you are currently doing? (8>= hours/day)

Right now nothing really. I long stopped believing that there's some need for
my input in this world. To be frank, it wouldn't matter if I'm working for
Tesla or some CSS3 project, at least not long-term. Most people are wired for
feeling empty under certain circumstances. And I am one who has seen this
state come and go since I've been a kid. Chasing a lifestyle like this is a
distraction. That's not a bad thing and maybe not the conclusion for everyone
but unfortunately mine. The problem is that I need distractions to not get
crazy, and at the same time they burn me out sooner or later. Every step
towards a structured approach has been healthy for me. So, I don't know if
this relates to your problem but try to do something else for a while and get
your thinking straight, and treat all these thoughts of excellence and boheme
as a pattern more than anything. Figure out what these thoughts were trying to
change in your phantasy version of how you're life would go. To me they were
really a manifestation of wanting to be appreciated, seen as a great and
exceptional because I would feel like I'm definitely good enough to be able to
do something of merit even though my narration would not catch up with real
life as I hoped. Being honest with myself helps a little bit. Also I do allow
myself to be this person sometimes but acknowledge the dangers of it now.

>Meds made everything worse (which forced me learn the hard way about the big-
parma lie 'chemical imbalance of the brain' theory).

I think chemical imbalance has not really been debunked, rather I'd say the
way American research treats diagnosis is comical in many cases. Here in
Germany where I live doctors don't just throw medication at you and it's
essential to try different ones to see if one of them does actually work.
Anyway, I am on your side in as much as I do think meds are not life changing
for everyone.

>I convinced my self for so long that whatever I was doing was going to be
great and help lots of people, but it didn't.

Honest question - did you want to help lots of people or did you want to get a
lot of credit for helping lots of people? Not saying they're mutually
exclusive but I find this notion of the tech industry being so helpful to many
people a little dull in its concept. It's a very capitalist movement even if
it's less cutthroat than Wall Street, if you want to help lots of people,
cooking food for people without shelter would probably be the smarter action
to take. Or going to regions where your know-how can actually help people move
forward, or honestly just oldskool construction work for people in need. I
think there's a lot you can do.

Maybe you should just stop software for a while if you can afford it and do
something else. I'm sure you'll find some great idea to improve things in
whatever field you're in sooner or later anyway. And then your skills are
gonna come in handy. Also, serious meditation really helped me get through
some of these bleak weeks that seemed pointless and sad. But it takes a while
for it to show results.

All the best to you.

