

Ask HN: How To Stop Feeling Like An Imposter/Fraud/Not Good Enough ETC? - throwaway4657

Hey Guys,<p>I'm submitting this on a throwaway for obvious reasons - but I really need your advice, and I think you guys are the ones who can help (I hope)!<p>I often have really good ideas and when I execute them, they tend to get to a decent size fairly quickly - for instance I ran a site which suffers from a chicken/egg problem and within a couple of weeks, with little marketing ($0 budget) I grew it to a few thousand users amongst other stuff I have done which has generated a decent amount of money.<p>However, when I often do this I feel like a 'fraud' as my ideas and execution seem so simple to me and this leads me to feeling like an imposter/fraud and not good enough to be able to do this!<p>As a result, its led me to not developing an idea which I'm actually really passionate about and one which I've had for a while - which is starting to see some validation - and from what I can tell will be a huge industry soon from early indications by revenue growth etc from the companies within it.<p>As a result, I'm asking for your help so I don't feel like an imposter/fraud and not good enough so I can pull the trigger and start developing it as well as launching it without feeling this way?<p>I'm not sure if its Imposter Syndrome etc I'm suffering from but, if you know what is is im suffering from, I'd really LOVE your help so I can overcome it - as well as any ideas how to overcome it or any experiences :)<p>Cheers Guys,
Thank You!!
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squadron
So what if you went ahead with a project despite feeling like a fraud?

Let me ask this way: do you always listen to your mind? Are your doubts and
worries always right? Why must you validate such unproductive thoughts?

Why not choose a perspective that serves you besGt? You have a choice of what
you believe. It's your brain and it's your life.

Time to stop listening and feeling and start executing.

TL;DR Shut up and ship.

~~~
throwaway4657
Thanks for your advice i really does help especially the tl;dr part :)

But, what I mean is how do I overcome the feeling of feeling like a fraud? I
don't mind failing etc I just dont want to feel that way...

~~~
squadron
Trying to overcome a thought or feeling is like struggling in quicksand. You
only give it more power and it will suck you in.

Here's what I suggest you do instead. Every time that feeling comes up, say
"yeah sure, I'm a fraud" and keep on working. Keep on shipping. Try it.
Actions always speak louder than words anyway.

One more thing. It's the best advice I can give you. Go listen to The Power of
Now by Eckhart Tolle, or read the teachings of Buddha. You are thinking too
much and creating suffering for yourself. These books will help you stop.

------
gw666
"Stand back...I know THERAPY!"

I can say this because I'm a tech person (senior editor, BYTE magazine, many
years ago) who has an MA in Counseling Psychology and has been an intern
Marriage and Family Therapist for over 5 years (and I'm _this_ close to having
my license!).

The human brain is perhaps the most wonderfully complex thing in the world,
and its current state is a function of billions of things, including
(conservatively) all your experiences from birth until now, plus your parents'
experiences, plus DNA, plus free will, plus brain architecture, plus
evolution...). Is it any wonder you don't know _why_ you're feeling like you
are, or _what_ could possibly change things for the better?

However you feel about yourself, your accomplishments don't help--sucks, but
it's the truth. There are many paths out of how you're feeling now, and there
are as many paths as there are human beings--not just the ones alive today,
but all the human beings who have EVER LIVED. "I want things to be better" is
the task that has been given to every person, and every one has found a
different solution, a different "path," from yours. There is no One True Path
for everybody, and most people walk on multiple paths before they die. Walking
into the future (as you are, at the rate of one day per day) is your life's
work, and you decide where to tread next.

Which path is for you? Only you can make that choice. Feeling genuine is an
ongoing task, sometimes an incredible struggle. (Why do _I_ get to
pontificate? Because I was once much worse screwed up than most people, and I
fought my way out of it, across several decades.)

Some people find it in one of the many religions that exist. (Like @squadron,
I find a _lot_ of merit in Buddhism. I'm also a Unitarian Universalist, which
is a non-dogmatic church-like community.)

Some people devote themselves to a cause greater than themselves. Service to
others, in my experience, is part of every truly satisfied life.

Some people find resources that help them move themselves forward
in...counseling (says Mr. "Everything Looks Like a Nail" Hammer). Counseling
is available just about anywhere, often (from mental-health clinics) at a
sliding scale fee. As a veteran of hundreds of hours of counseling, I can say
it's the best money I've ever spent, and my life is pretty good now. (I'm 58,
BTW, and the last 10 years of my life have been my happiest.)

My best advice: Give a new therapist 3 to 5 sessions, then trust your gut. If
you feel comfortable talking to this person, keep going. If not, thank her (or
him) and ask for some recommendations. You _always_ have the right to do this,
and only a poor therapist will take it personally. What makes therapy work,
mostly, is the quality of the client-therapist relationship. This one thing is
easily more important than therapist credentials, experience, therapy
ideology, or a dozen other factors. If you stick with it and _do the work_ ,
things _will_ improve.

Good luck.

