
Ask HN: Is psychological therapy working for you? - yotamoron
I&#x27;ve went to countless sessions and therapists (for my own issues, for issues with the kids, marriage counseling etc etc), spent many years and a small fortune - but nothing did any real significant change (despite significant hardships as a kid, all-in-all my life turned out ok, but some things can be better...).
I feel like its a fraud, that everybody knows it doesn&#x27;t work, all this endless talking and digging and analyzing, but are just afraid to admit it. Nothing in the way therapy is done today can be really measured, with metrics that can actually point to any significant progress. Many times I finished a session&#x2F;therapy and wondered - did I even achieve anything? was there any progress? regress? forget about the money - was that a good investment of my time?
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PragmaticPulp
Your experience is not uncommon. If someone goes into therapy with a high
degree of skepticism, a tendency toward cynicism, and unrealistic expectations
about the speed and magnitude of progress, they’re likely to feel
disappointed. It’s analogous to the nocebo effect with medications.

I had an extended family member who had similar thoughts about their therapy:
Complaints about the lack of metrics, constant suspicion that it was a waste
of time, inability to point to solid progress. Every time she talked about
therapy, it was complaints, cynicism, and suspicion.

Yet from our external view, it was obvious to see the positive impacts on her
life. The slow but steady progress and improvement in her quality of life. The
improved response to emotionally difficult situations and the better handling
of life stressors. Her pride wouldn’t let her admit that therapy played a role
in those improvements, though. That, and she refused to acknowledge small
progress unless her problems were 100% solved, which isn’t a realistic goal.

If it helps, think of therapy as another tool in your tool belt to deal with
life stressors and personal issues. Like any project, you can’t finish it with
a single tool, but having more options in your tool belt goes a long way to
increasing your odds. It’s still up to you to make an effort to learn how to
use that tool correctly, which problems to use that tool on, and when you need
to bring additional tools into the project.

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user_agent
In short words: yes.

It's been fundamental to who I am today and considering where I come from, I'm
very successful.

In your case - let me recommend you a book that's going to help you with three
things: 1) To understand what a therapist can do for you and what he can't; 2)
How to look for a good professional in that field; 3) What kind of problems
psychotherapy deals with that are the most important ones (the book is written
in a simple "cause -> consequences" way). I've recommended it to a lot of
people, and in case of 70%+ of them it was helpful with making a breakthrough.

"Psychological Defenses in Everyday Life", Robert Firestone & Joyce Catlett

No doubt there's a lot of morons doing counseling out there. No wonder that
there's also a lot of people not having progress. Nevertheless, psychotherapy
DOES work and it can do wonders if applied properly.

Good luck!

