

Let’s Stop Talking About the “Work-Life Balance” - privong
http://theumlaut.com/2014/08/25/lets-stop-talking-about-the-work-life-balance/

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dang
This post was killed by user flags.

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clavalle
That is three minutes of my life I'll never get back.

The author seems to spend an entire page refuting his own headline in the most
scattered way possible.

It was like listening to a friend who'd had a few beers try to explain an idea
that he seems to feel strongly about but hadn't actually tried to cohere in
his own mind; A pop-psy shaggy dog story.

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crusso
Yeah, after reading it, my only thought was, "I agree, let's stop talking
about this whole subject".

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themodelplumber
While the article may seem like six of one / half-dozen of the other at first
glance, I love that the author spends time examining the problem.

Things that help me have a "healthy relationship with my work":

Communication with everybody. If a client asks for a change to something, it
always takes more time and usually costs more money. I communicate that to the
client as early as possible. If a weekend is coming up and I'm working on a
big project, everybody involved is going to get a phone call from me. Not an
email, a phone call. We talk, we empathize, and we feel better about resuming
on Monday. Have a nice weekend!

If I am about to have a very stressful day, I run my plans by my wife. She's
has saved me literally hundreds of hours of off-hours work by saying, "I'm
sure they'll understand if you just call them and explain X and Y." She is so
good at bringing out the details and examining the situation for what it is.
It works every time. Somehow my samurai work ethic is way too stubborn
sometimes.

I exercise my option to turn down projects as often as I want. Six years ago I
stood above my twin daughters' headstone, somehow still thinking about a work
project I had going on, and all of the drama was completely ridiculous
compared to the big picture of life, family, and normal relationships. I
looked up toward the distant mountains, said "it's not worth it," and things
have been better ever since. That memory comes to mind whenever I have big
decisions to make--is the cost of the happy-life-occlusion scenario worth it,
in light of the simple things that fulfill my requirements in life?

Anyway, great article. I would add that at some point, plenty of people decide
to change their work and go through the entire upheaval again, re-answering
all of these balance questions. I have a friend who is literally packing her
things right now to leave home and become a missionary. The stress is evident
on her face, but when she talks about her future, she's excited and seems
fulfilled in some way. In a similar vein, I've had a few conversations with
"retirees" who are extremely stressed about what they're about to enter into,
but there's no way they're going back.

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afgurri
Thank you for sharing this. This is exactly the kind of thinking I was hoping
people would talk about.

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Someone1234
The author wants you to use the term "work to live, don’t live to work"
instead. Wouldn't really recommend the article, has nothing original or
insightful to say (or even controversial).

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hedgew
>To repeat: you cannot compartmentalize.

Yes you can, and you very much should.

A simple example: If all your hobbies (tennis, painting, and guitar) rely on
the use of your right hand, you'll be much unhappier when your right hand is
injured, than if your hobbies were better compartmentalized (singing,
painting, and running).

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afgurri
But that's the opposite of compartmentalizing. Compartmentalizing implies that
each is kept separate and doesn't influence the other. What you describe is
someone taking all of their hobbies as a whole into account and figuring out
how to strike the best overall balance.

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noisy_boy
Going by that interpretation, I can never compartmentalize. Everytime I setup
a bunch of different compartments, you will accuse me of looking at the whole
and not really comppartmentalizing.

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afgurri
All I'm saying is that you can't isolate the parts of your lives from one
another because you, as a person, are always the common denominator. If some
part of your life has an impact on you (physically, emotionally, whatever)
that impact is going to be carried with you into all the other parts of your
life.

Are you saying that's a tautology or an absurd claim?

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josephlord
There is still an issue when employers demand more than is reasonable. This is
probably more of an issue in other industries than generally in software
development but there are exceptions, particularly in games.

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Bahamut
This article makes some assumptions about each person's motives about working
long hours, but it's simply not necessarily true. There are startups out there
that expect 60+ hour weeks as the norm. I left one such company since that is
extremely unreasonable.

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afgurri
But for some people at some points in their lives it may be a great
opportunity, or something they might enjoy/be willing to do for a limited
period. If that's all their work ever becomes for the whole career, then they
likely have a problem. But looked at from the perspective of a live as a
whole, it may have a place within certain contexts and reasonable limits.

