

Facebook’s friendship trap - evancaine
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/guest_contributors/article7139965.ece

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intellectronica
I don't think that Facebook necessarily encourages people to have a second-
rate experience. Rather, it acts as a sink for people who would have had a
second-rate experience anyway, and still manages to be a tool that serves
people who are more ambitious with their lives.

The author compares a very idealistic picture of friendship sans Facebook,
with a realistic look at friendship with Facebook, and the former is certain
to win, but long before Facebook very many people were busy with keeping
appearances and combating loneliness with meaningless drivel.

A better approach would be to research the positive ways in which Facebook can
be used to foster real friendship and add meaning and purpose to one's life
and publish recommendations to people so that they can fine-tune their use of
such tools.

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stcredzero
Facebook needs to fade into the background as infrastructure. If they can
become the middleman, they can outsource risk and being the target of ire.
That would also enable others to experiment as you suggest.

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mokchuk_
"The psychologist Dr Aric Sigman says that social networking sites undermine
social skills and the ability to read body language. Actual physical contact
benefits our wellbeing by boosting levels of the hormone oxytocin. In fact,
being lonely is as bad for your health as smoking."

Aric Sigman has a previously spoken on the matter and has had most of his
points debunked already, see Ben Goldacre's post here:

[http://www.badscience.net/2009/02/the-evidence-aric-
sigman-i...](http://www.badscience.net/2009/02/the-evidence-aric-sigman-
ignored/)

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jhrf
I don't think this article gives nearly enough credence to the amazing pool of
information that Facebook is. It's brilliant for organising social events and
keeping track of people, it doesn't have to be a great evil. Used responsibly
it is on of the best things about the internet.

"Moderation in all things"

~~~
lotharbot
When Facebook is used as a substitute for friendship, it can be very, very
bad. The article focused on that side of Facebook -- the teen angst, grass-is-
always-greener, add "friends" to get ahead in FarmVille side.

When Facebook is used as a tool to support existing friendships, it can be
very, very good. It's helped me stay informed of what my family is up to,
reconnect with some old friends, and organize various social events. The
article completely missed that side of Facebook.

To those whose experience matches the first paragraph, the problem isn't the
tool, it's the users. It's a classic case of "you're doing it wrong".

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stevejalim
_The very language of sites such as Facebook, with its “Would you like to add
me as a friend?” lexicon, undermines what real friendship is. I’m not
surprised kids are lonely if a whole generation thinks friends can be made by
clicking on an icon, and that it’s normal to have hundreds of pals. We all
know that many of our “friends” are nothing of the sort; the bulk of them are
acquaintances or people we hung out with years ago or former colleagues or
contacts._

Agreed - and hence why I can see my LinkedIn account staying around (and used)
for a good while, whereas my FB account should be (finally) deleted
any...day...now.

~~~
techiferous
any...day...now.

Like tomorrow? <http://www.quitfacebookday.com/>

~~~
stevejalim
Nice - didn't know about that. I was referring to the 14-day notice thing they
have between saying 'I quit' and one's account actually biting the dust. I
forget exactly which day I hit the delete link.

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shadowsun7
This is more an attack on the nature of social networks than an attack on
Facebook. Friendster had the same problems (particularly the loneliness bit -
because you visit friend profiles filled with happysmiley party pictures and
so feel rather left out) and on that I have to agree.

I must note, however, that much of what the writer talks about really only
applies to teenagers. Metrics like popularity (measured by friendcounts) are
meaningless when you're older.

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TimothyFitz
Disagree. This is exactly why terms like "We're friends on Facebook" exist,
which effectively means "I can remember seeing their face online".

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josh33
Agreed. Facebook promotes a fake friendship that isn't substantiated by any
real human interaction; it's cerebral at best.

~~~
henrikschroder
As usual it is what you make it. I only make and accept friend requests with
people that I know and have met in real life, and where I am actually
interested in knowing what they're doing in life.

I like getting status updates so I get a feeling for what my friends are
doing, but serious communication always goes over other channels, phone, IM,
email, etc.

I don't really see how Facebook promotes either my use or the friend-hoarder
use, to me it's a neutral tool.

~~~
whatusername
Exactly - and anyone on HN should be easily able to use the Friend Lists stuff
within facebook. Chat Status, Privacy settings and just the ability to filter
down into smaller subsets.. So while I am 'friends' with 320 people.. I see
almost everything from the people I'm truly close with, while occasionally
dipping into the greater stream from of other acquaintances. While facebook
could do some better outreach on some of this stuff (my Dad was overjoyed to
find out last week you can block applications -- no more farmville in the news
feed), we on HN should be able to use it properly. There's plenty of reasons
to complain about fb, but cheapening friendship is not one of them.. it is
completely about how you use the tool.

Also - (at least among my general circle - mid 20's, Australia, almost
completely non-tech) - Serious personal conversation is now almost
predominately facebook. Almost every party (excluding weddings/engagements) is
a FB event (with maybe SMS invites). IM = Facebook chat. And email = Facebook
PM.

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Locke1689
I have to say, anyone who thinks that Facebook has passed its usefulness is
not a college student--and if they are they don't have a lot of friends in
varied disciplines. Facebook is the social staple of college social life in
general and Greek life in particular.

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scott_s
Another article which confuses the media attention a story receives with the
actual feelings of most people.

~~~
moolave
The article forgot to point out the fact that while Facebook is not the
ultimate replacement for social interaction; it does connect folks to other
areas of interest that their "friends" are doing. Technically, social network
users are not lonely; they just tend to be more open to the diversity of
culture - strangers or not.

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georgieporgie
The author states that she adds anyone she has met, then seems off-put that
her Facebook feed is full of people and information she doesn't care about.
Perhaps she needs to learn to group people. Or just not accept all friendship
requests.

What I find strangely absent in public discourse on the subject is that it's
still unusual to actually _meet_ people via social technology. I'm not talking
about adding people to your Mafia Wars crew, but actually using Facebook as a
tool to meet people more compatible than you are ever likely to stumble across
in real life.

We nervously broach the subject of online dating, but across-the-board real-
world socializing via technology seems to be virtually nonexistent.

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natural219
This article is so sickeningly off-base that I don't even want to talk about
how wrong it is.

