
Ask HN: What do you do in your 1-on-1s with your direct reports? - ankurvjy
Specifically in the context of engineering management, how frequently do you have 1-on-1s with your direct reports, how do you structure them, and what have you found to work and not work well?
======
martininmelb
This seems to work for me:

1\. This is your time to talk about whatever is on your mind. If you want to
talk about the footy over the weekend, that's fine. If you want to talk about
work or issues at home or career progression, that's fine.

2\. Sometimes there is not much to talk about - and that's fine too. If they
do not have much to say on a particular day and I don't have much to say, it's
a short meeting.

3\. As said previously, try never to reschedule and never, never forget.

4\. It's a really good time as a manager to practice listening. For that
reason, I never have an agenda (i.e. things I want to say) at these meetings.
Also, I try to contain the impulse to give advice unless they specifically ask
for it.

5\. I make it quite clear that as far as legally possible, I will maintain
confidentiality. The only time that something may be relayed upward is if
there is requirement for me to do so (e.g. an employee reporting harassment).

~~~
Regardsyjc
Does anyone have tips or resources on how to improve their listening skill? I
know I'm a terrible listener because I'm always looking for solutions but I
know that 80% of the time, they just want to be heard.

I can barely turn off my thoughts when I'm meditating, how can you give your
undivided attention without any internal distractions? What do you do when the
conversation feels boring or tedious?

~~~
MattLeBlanc001
I think it's more about "Wanting to say something and acting" rather than not
listening. You want to act and provide solution because maybe you are an
engineer at heart.

Try to count to 3 in your mind before saying something.

I would also invest in hobbies where there is a lot of thinking and less
action.

Good: \- Chess \- Yoga \- Anything where you need to wait/think before acting

Bad: \- Quick quiz apps \- Anything that require you to act quickly

~~~
eeZah7Ux
Unfortunately some cultures cherish and reward "quick thinking" and action
over real thinking.

~~~
etse
I could see some jobs prioritizing quick, reasonable reactions over long-term
optimal solutions, so the culture might be understandably aligned. Maybe site
reliability or release eng.

------
acconrad
I second the Manager Tools podcast, it has been great for getting started with
engineering management. Here's what's distilled down from a lot of their intro
casts:

1\. Have a 1x1 once a week with each direct for 30 min

2\. If you can have your 1x1 walking (go for coffee, head outside) try and do
that; conversation flows easier when it's not in a confined space like a
meeting room.

3\. Loosely allocate the meeting in 1/2: 15 min for them to talk about
whatever they want. 15 min for you to talk about what you need to talk about
(usually top->down information), and at least leave a few min at the end for
career development or tactics.

4\. Throw out rule #3 if they want to talk more than 15 min. _Always_ cut your
portion down to accommodate them. The point of the meeting is to _build
trust_. Building trust means listening to your directs and getting to know
them and what makes them tick. You'll always learn more by listening than
instructing.

And that's basically it, that will get you a long way for now!

~~~
FranzFerdiNaN
I would go absolutely insane if I had to have a 1-on-1 with my manager every
week. I’m sure some people love it, but it’s not for everyone.

~~~
pisarzp
I thought so too. Then i joined Google, where it’s mandatory. After some time
I learned to see the value. Ever since i left Google i tried to have them, but
managers dont seem to buy into this idea, and i miss it dearly

~~~
jchendy
Why didn't you like them and what changed your mind?

------
patagonia
Direct report here. A bunch of these say both “keep it informal” and “no set
agenda”. But, there is also a lot of proposed structures, suggestions for note
taking, consensus on the generic format. Many suggest discussing career growth
for example. If I discuss career growth for 5 - 15 mins every week with my
manager, regardless whether they are well intentioned, it ends up being
counterproductive. I can’t grow my career every week. I don’t want those
discussions driving my annual review, because if that is how it works the
stakes are just too high on a weekly basis. Also, shocker, sometimes I don’t
want to discuss my actual career goals because it’s already been signaled that
they are not in line with my current role or the needs of the company. I
appreciate that a manager wants to “get to know me” and “build trust”, but
let’s be honest, at the end of the day the manager is an agent of the company
and might have to lay me off. They might know for a short window before they
can tell me, which is all you need to know. I get it. Those are the roles.
That’s fine. But don’t expect me to come in on a weekly basis sharing my hopes
and aspirations to someone that might be nodding their head knowing my role
can never go in that direction or that I’ll be out of a job in a day or two.

~~~
sosilkj
"sometimes I don’t want to discuss my actual career goals because it’s already
been signaled that they are not in line with my current role or the needs of
the company. I appreciate that a manager wants to “get to know me” and “build
trust”, but let’s be honest, at the end of the day the manager is an agent of
the company"

Completely agree with you. There is always an implicit agenda -- maximize the
amount of work they can get out of me for as little money as possible. If I
were a consultant, would I sit down for a weekly chat with a client in the
same sort of 1-on-1 format? No way. The reason we are asked to have these
meetings is so that management can gain useful information from us to then use
as they see fit. That's it. We should approach these meetings accordingly.

~~~
gsdatta
I'm sorry you're in a situation that makes you feel this way. I've had great
experiences with managers that honestly do want to help me - whether that's
with advice, giving me opportunities that will help me grow, or even telling
me tactical things I should do for promotions (that I've gotten, so it's not
just talk with no action).

~~~
thatoneyouthrow
Some of us don't want to be bullied by nice guys.

------
flashgordon
I do fortnightly 1/1s with my team members (individually) for half an hour.
The time is set but this can be in a room or a walk or over coffee. I had
given them a choice of weekly or fortnightly and most chose the latter (those
wanted it more frequent still get it). However my policy is that we do not
wait till the 1/1 to discuss things that can be discussed sooner (especially
things like feedback).

What worked for me (through experimentation and error) is I try hard to get
folks to _not_ talk about project status in the 1/1 (we have standups and
planning for that). It is after all their time and unless I have direct
feedback on behaviours I prefer to make it all about them. Their problems,
Their goals, their dreams, their ambitions, interests and so on. After all if
they are not most inspired being in my team I want to make sure I can find
them work/projects/teams that they would be more aligned with (and knit that
around timeframes).

At first the things that would not go well would be running out things to say.
Either due to shyness or introversion or general fear of a new manager. The
other side was me accepting it and moving on. While deciding when to dive deep
and when not to is subtle, often zooming out on their future and then coming
back to skillset often kicks off a good discussion (and some fine action items
for both of us).

~~~
ankurvjy
This is almost exactly how I do my 1/1s with my team members. Except the
frequency for folks who have been in the team for more than 6 months is 3
weeks and for newer members its 2 weeks. Also, I make it a point to ask them
to provide feedback for their peers - positive and constructive. I make notes
and I use the 1/1s to also give regular, informal peer feedback to the team
members. I ask them what's going well for the team and how we can improve the
processes, the productivity etc

~~~
flashgordon
+1 on the getting feedback from them. Especially around team and productivity
had been great in even getting to the bottom of some subtle conflict brewing
around. Very nice call-out mate.

------
tosser0001
As an individual contributor, I despise weekly one-on-ones. It’s yet another
meeting that disrupts my day. I rarely get anything out of them and am always
grateful when it is canceled or postponed for whatever reason.

~~~
matwood
It sounds like you need to talk to your boss about all the disruptions during
your 1:1.

~~~
HarryHirsch
If the higher-ups wanted to listen they'd have done so long ago.

------
docker_up
Once a week for 30 mins, and I never, ever reschedule them.

I treat these meetings as untouchable because I want my direct reports to know
that I value them. I don't want to reschedule and make them feel like I don't
care, so I will never reschedule them.

We don't discuss their weekly work or tasks, we discuss their careers, their
career path, how they can get to the next level, any problems they are
encountering, etc. I dedicate this time to them and their career and their
time at the company.

~~~
atomical
Do you think it's possible that reports may think this is a waste of their
time?

~~~
refulgentis
I've seen very few peers feel this way occassionally, and it's insane to me.
If you can't find a way to get value from 30m with your manager, there's
something obstinate about you, not wise.

~~~
willmacdonald
@refulgentis Can you give me examples of value you got from your manager in a
1-on-1?

------
sdrothrock
My direct report is a fairly novice developer. We are both Americans at a
Japanese start-up, so the dynamic is a little different. We tend toward
frequent, shorter meetings rather than infrequent, longer meetings as we've
found that works better for us in this particular environment.

Every morning I take a couple of minutes to talk to him, make sure he knows
where he's going and that he has the tools (technological and social) to get
there.

About once a week, we have a wrap-up meeting to cover what we've accomplished,
what's blocking us, and where we're going. This usually doesn't take more than
10 minutes and we'll skip it by mutual agreement if we both feel we're up to
date and don't have anything in particular to talk about.

About once a month or so we have a 30-60 minute session over tea or coffee to
just discuss communication at work, strategies, his morale, and how he feels
he's doing in terms of happiness and making progress toward his personal
goals.

Sometimes special situations come up through the course of work and we'll have
impromptu sessions to talk about them as necessary.

~~~
S4M
Hi,

Completely off topic, but I am looking for a job in Japan - I will be moving
there tomorrow actually for family reason. Could I have your details (or could
you send me an email - my email is in my HN profile.) I am a senior data
scientist. Thanks in advance

~~~
sdrothrock
I've sent you an e-mail. :)

------
joshyeager
I do weekly half-hour 1:1’s with all my direct reports. Each one is pre-
scheduled for the same time every week. I almost never cancel, although I do
reschedule sometimes.

The first half is for whatever they want to talk about (work status, planning,
career guidance, personal stuff, anything they want). The second half is for
my list: usually tactical work stuff, but I step back and ask about their
overall feelings and professional goals about once per month.

It’s a useful tool for coordinating work, and it has the nice side effect of
redicing interruptions because most things can wait a few days until our 1:1.
But the primary reason I do them so often is to build stronger relationships.
I know my people very well, and they know me. Spending so much time together
builds a lot of trust, which is extremely valuable.

------
KerryJones
There's a great description of how to run a 1-on-1 in High Output Management
by Andy Grove.

I like to have them every 2 weeks with a new hire, and every month thereafter.
Sometimes, if something comes up midweek that feels like it needs to be
addressed, I'll schedule one before that.

Structure--

Location: take a walk or go to a non-work but private space

Ask questions about their general feelings: \- How are you doing? \- How are
things in the office? With co-workers? \- Are you enjoying your work? What
could make it better?

Ask them for feedback: \- Is there anything that's been on your mind? Any
issues either with me or other staff? \- Is there something that we could be
doing better in their eyes? What would they change?

Do they have a career goal they are progressing towards? \- What position
would you like to be in 1-2 years? \- What can I do to help you get there? \-
How do you feel your recent projects have helped in that regard?

Only after I exhaust them and their feelings will I bring up feedback I have
for them -- again, with exceptions, if the 1-on-1 was called to handle a
specific issue, that will be addressed pretty fast.

~~~
docker_up
I am loathe to take advice from Andy Grove, only because I feel that
employment rules of engagement have changed drastically when he was a manager.

In the last 5 years, I've seen the minimum time in Silicon Valley to stay at a
job drop precipitously from 2 years (the norm that I'm used to going back 20
years) down to 1 year. I see a _lot_ of jumping around, especially at the more
junior end of the spectrum, where total comp can jump by 30-50k in the first
3-5 years of experience.

And young people know this, because everyone shares their salaries and total
comp openly. This is a big change from my generation. So they're aggressively
leaving after the first year, moving a couple of times and earning a lot more
than they would have if they simply stayed at their job for 2-4 years.

One thing young people want is to be mentored aggressively, and for them to
get their careers on track immediately. I try to cater to this by meeting with
them once a week, to show them that I actually do care about their career
path, and also selfishly, in hopes that they don't want to leave within a year
and I'm left trying to fill another headcount. If I left the 1:1 to once a
month, then I would only see them less than half a dozen times before they've
decided they're going to leave.

But if they know that I'm working with them to further their experience, that
they're not stuck in a rut and if they stay with me, that they can trust me
and they won't get screwed doing all the boring grunt work, then I have a hope
they will stay 2+ years with me before they leave.

~~~
quickthrower2
It is not clear though that the OP is from SV, or indeed what % of people
reading this are from SV.

I am not, and although I have hopped a few jobs recently (not due to chasing
salary) and it has been 'forgiven' by the market, the usual is still >2yr
where I am based.

------
soneca
This is my template for 1-on-1s:

\- Before the meeting, review your notes from the last one and get into the
mindset of _listening_.

\- No formal agenda. Just notes of what both you don't want to forget to talk
about during the one-on-one.

\- A meeting should take around 30 minutes but allow for an extra 15 minutes
if necessary.

\- In the first half of the meeting, you should only listen. In the second
half explore the mentioned topics and introduce topics of your own.

\- Write notes throughout the meeting and conclude it with mutual commitments
as next steps.

Shameless plug: Based on it i built note-taking web app as a side-project:
[https://www.oneonemeeting.com](https://www.oneonemeeting.com)

------
Paul_S
I'm not a manager, I'm a victim of 1:1s. 1 on 1 are a waste of time. Maybe ask
your reports if they want them at all. If you have information for them you
can always just email them.

~~~
a_imho
This is the sentiment I see a lot and fits my experience as well. At best 1v1
are a good outlet for managers to look busy and feel important, at worst they
are a trap.

Anything you say can and will be used against you.

~~~
throwaway323
Various FAANG companies are known for 1-on-1 where every employee is regularly
praised and then told to be more productive.

------
aminotaa
I've seen, head and read quite a bit about engineering 1-1s.

After doing engineering management for a decade and trying many ideas, I ended
up with the following.

Have weekly 1 hour 1-1s if you have 5 direct reports or less.

Have weekly 30 minute 1-1s if you have between 5 and 10 direct reports.

If you have more than 10 direct reports, hopefully there is some plan. With 10
direct reports, many best practices do not apply.

My primary rule for 1-1s is not to waste time. I do not walk for 1-1s, because
it is a waste of time. I do not cut 1-1s short when my direct reports have
nothing to talk about, because it is a waste of time. I thoroughly prepare for
1-1s.

I have a shared document with every direct report where I write a summary of
the 1-1s. My direct reports can add anything they want at any time (e.g.
include topics they want to cover in the next 1-1 so that I can prepare ahead
of time).

I start with a quick review of the previous 1-1 and close the loop on all
outstanding topics from the previous 1-1.

Next, I give my direct reports an opportunity to raise any topics they want to
discuss. I listen to what they have to say. I give answers when I have them.
When I do not have answers I write down the question and try to find answers
before the next 1-1.

Small-talk topics are fine and sometimes necessary. As my relationships with
direct reports evolve, so do 1-1s. The more mature the relationship, the more
efficient the 1-1. I don't expect to start at peak efficiency, but I'd like to
see forward progress with every 1-1. The purpose of my 1-1 is to develop
professional relationships with my direct reports (aka alignment), mentor my
direct reports, learn and improve myself.

I try to leave enough time for myself to talk about my topics. I expect my
direct reports to give me straight answers when they have them. When my direct
reports do not have answers, I ask them to follow up with me in writing (my
personal preference - I am more effective reading). Usually, for my topics I
focus on communication, career development, culture and alignment.

Lastly, I recite the list of topics we covered.

In my first 1-1 with a new direct report I explain my take on 1-1 meeting
structure and my expectations.

------
afarrell
As an individual contributor, I deeply appreciate having 1:1s with an engineer
who has taken on a career-mentoring role. It is useful to get feedback and
especially to help me formulate plans for how to grow as an engineer.

When I start out with a new manager, I prefer going for a walk around the
neighborhood. Now that I have built trust and gotten a sense for how he thinks
about management, I'm shifting to setting an agenda several days in advance so
that he can think about what advice to give or questions to ask to help me
clarify my thinking and debug my approaches to problems.

------
georgecalm
I follow the check-in model from Adobe [1]. It isn’t a hard set of
requirements, but is more of a set of topics that help guide the conversation.
It’s especially helpful as a starting point for people new to management, like
myself.

A check-in meeting is made up of three parts: (1) setting expectations, (2)
providing feedback, (3) having a development conversation.

Status reports are explicitly not a part of this conversation. Those are easy
to talk about, but have little value for your employee, and if you’re already
doing daily stand-ups, they have little value for you too.

The first two topics are fairly self-explanatory, yet take time to learn to do
well. The expectations must be clear, finite and actionable. Much has been
written about the art and science of giving good feedback. I use a model where
we talk about the Specific thing that happened, followed by Asking questions
to understand their perspective, talking about the Impact of their actions on
themselves and the people they have affected, and finally talking about what I
expect them to Do now or in the future. (aka SAID)

The development conversation is the time for you to listen. This is where you
learn about the professional skills they are working on growing (whether it’s
public speaking, a particular career path or, say, a machine learning course,
to name a few) and finding ways to help and facilitate those. If done right,
you learn a lot about the person, their goals, aspirations, and will be in a
better position to make a positive meaningful impact on their life.

The check-in is most effective if it’s guided by the employee. This encourages
people to come with topics they care about and gives them the ability to focus
more time on a particular aspect of the meeting which may be more important at
that time.

1\. [https://www.adobe.com/check-in.html](https://www.adobe.com/check-in.html)

------
thrower123
We don't do any kind of regular 1-on-1 meetings; I think we did a few years
and years ago when it was first cargo culted, but it's just not terribly
useful. I work for a small company, and I've been here seven years - my
boss/owner and I know each other well, and some kind of scheduled interaction
like that is not really necessary. If we want to talk about non-work stuff or
work stuff, there's more than enough time shooting the shit in the breakroom
waiting for the Keurig to produce an adequate amount of coffee, or when we get
pizza once a week in the conference room, or just at the tail end of a end-of-
day meeting.

My fiance has worked at a few bigger places that subscribe to this kind of
"best-practices" management style, and it's just something that seems so
stilted and generally dreaded. She's very happy when her job takes her on the
road visiting customers and she gets to avoid them.

~~~
cimmanom
A lot of people aren’t comfortable bringing up bigger picture issues -
especially those around performance, career, or concerns about the company or
team - casually. Having a dedicated time to talk about things like this on a
regular basis helps prevent them from falling through the cracks. They’re also
an important time for relationship building, especially with the introverts
and heads-down types who are less likely to spend time chatting around the
water cooler.

------
eismcc
I once had a manager that would walk through the office and call people in for
1:1s in such a way that I felt like I was at a doctor’s office. The meeting
itself was almost the same - you’d say your bit and then he’d have a list of
things he wanted to cover. I called him out on this and though initially a bit
shocked, did improve a bit. As s manager, even though you are coming from a
position of “authority,” don’t treat your people like cattle.

~~~
audiolion
My manager does 1-1s back to back in 30 min blocks and as each engineer comes
back they call the next person to go up. I don't get the cattle feeling but is
it unusual or bad practice to do them back to back?

Also what would you think if the manager was late for the set block of 1-1s by
40 mins?

------
quizbiz
Non specific to engineering the Manager Tools Podcast is a great resource.
[https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/one-on-ones-
part-1-updat...](https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/one-on-ones-
part-1-updated/id533583161?i=1000121651868&mt=2), they say 30 min once per
week is proven to be most effective

------
Falkon1313
My manager does it mostly like this:

Scheduled every two weeks, but we're both quite busy, so we often let it slide
unless one of us has something that we've been wanting to talk about, but
we're both available at that time if either of us does. We're both easygoing
with rescheduling or canceling.

First chunk is the "how's it going" bit to gauge general mood. Then a bit of
feedback (he's been hearing good things about me, or maybe that I've been too
quiet lately and need to communicate more, etc.) Then a prompt for me to talk
about whatever. Finally, sometimes there might be a bit where I bring up
scheduling vacation or he brings up a side task/project that he wants to ask
me to work on.

I usually ask about big-picture and long-term stuff - where we're going as a
company, how some big initiative that I haven't heard about recently is going,
how it's going to affect our plans that we're behind schedule on some things
after having had to re-prioritize others to the front, etc.

My former managers never did 1-on-1s, so I'm still not really sure what sorts
of things I'm supposed to talk/ask about. I'm learning a bit from this thread.
Maybe useful to use one of the meetings to hash that out - what do you want to
get from it, what you want them to get from it, and vice-versa.

------
aynsof
I just this morning read this interview with Lindsay Holmwood about how he
does 1-on-1s, and it's a master class:
[https://soapboxhq.com/blog/meetings/how-envato-does-
remote-o...](https://soapboxhq.com/blog/meetings/how-envato-does-remote-one-
on-ones-meetings)

I've never had him as a manager, but I really wish I had.

------
bigbang
I found these podcasts on 1-1s interesting [https://www.manager-
tools.com/manager-tools-basics](https://www.manager-tools.com/manager-tools-
basics)

~~~
codezero
Very much agree with this. A lot of what is said may seem obvious but it’s
worth the listen.

------
jarjar12
I manage about 110 people at fortune 30. 50-50 mix of FTe and contractors.

However I make it a point to walk around and know almost everyone at some what
personal level.

With my leaders I make a point to take them out for lunch once a week on my
dime and thats my 1 on 1. For a skip level I take random person out for lunch
once a week as well.

For across organizations that I aceess to, I also take their leaders out for
lunch once a month or so. Or may just have a short convo as 1 on 1.

Doing one on one in formal setting does not create a personal bond.

Today I have a great relations with many of them.

I try not stop them if they want to give me project status to ensure I
understand if there is some personal issue going from or with someone which
they want to bring it up. Example is other leaders or architects or others are
pushing back on anything.

Experience can probably tell you if they just want to give status update and
then I would just stop them gently and say hey good job let’s talk about you.

~~~
zild3d
how many lunches do you eat in a work week? that sounds like a lot more than 5
1-on-1s each week

------
village-idiot
Weekly, unless if the report asks for less.

The actual structure of the 1x1 varies on the personality and the state of my
relationship with the report. Some engineers are good at talking about how
they feel and how things are going, some need some prompting. Sometimes there
can be a lot of really uncomfortable silence, which is hard to get used to.

I’ve found that the one real rule is to not let one side or another talk 100%
of the time. Plenty of people will use constant chatter as a way to avoid
talking about important matters at hand. Sometimes this takes the form of
random banter and general ADD things (guilty), but some people will fill the
time with a status report to avoid talking about how they’re unhappy with how
things are going. If one party tries to run their mouth the entire time,
chances are somethings up.

This includes if you, the manager, is the one doing all the talking.

------
beebs93
Not a manager, but I meet with my engineering manager once a week.

We set the ground rules early on that we'd avoid the two extremes of the topic
spectrum: project status updates and venting about issues that neither of us
can take action on to address.

I'm given free reign to choose a topic and drive the meeting. Unless there's
some pressing matter, I fallback to reviewing the work I did the past week and
how I feel it helps (or doesn't) my career goals.

I try to give good examples of gaps I'd like to address so he can look for
such opportunities in future projects, conferences, or in-house training.

My goal is that my manager will have a good understanding of the type of
specific tasks I like to do and/or that will better help my future.

------
bradleyjg
From the IC POV:

1) Somewhere between once a month and once a quarter seems about right
frequency-wise. Once a week would be way overkill.

2) I want to come out of the meeting with a good sense of how I’m doing.
Remember neither being fired nor being promoted (or getting a big bonus etc.)
should come as a surprise. If it does, that’s a management failure.

3) This is also a good time to give me context on wider departmental
priorities or changes that are in motion which I might not know about.

4) It’s probably a good idea (for your benefit, not mine) to use this
opportunity to sound me out for any issues and figure out if I’m unhappy.
Preferably in a subtle and comfortable way, but straight out asking probably
works okay too.

~~~
MisterPea
Agree with all the points except for the first. I find biweekly 1:1s to be the
perfect frequency.

My manager is very experienced and has great insight, and as an IC this time
is very valuable to me. But agree weekly is a little overkill

~~~
bradleyjg
Had me a little confused there for a second. I’m used to semi to mean that,
not bi.

I could see every two weeks working in other circumstances than the ones I
happened to have found myself in. Maybe even weekly if I worked remotely or
something like that.

------
wjossey
I'm not actively a manager at this point in time, given I'm only 1 of 3 in a
still young startup. However, I managed teams for years prior, with upwards of
25 direct & indirect reports when I was a director.

Frequency was 45 minutes every two weeks, but I'm receptive to the idea this
should be weekly or monthly, depending on your team structure. Always find the
cadence that helps you accomplish the goals of your 1:1s as a manager (so be
flexible!).

I always walked during my 1:1s. When I managed people remote, we'd talk on the
phone while I'd walk around. I find I actively listen far better when I'm
moving. Obviously this comes down to preference, and I always deferred my
preferences to that of my report. If they wanted to sit in an office or do a
video call, we would do that.

Content varied. I strongly discourage pure status updates, but I'm not
dogmatic about not talking about day-to-day work during these meetings.
Utilizing the context of WHAT they are doing to discuss HOW they can improve
is very useful, so you can still leverage "status-update" style conversations
towards the improvement of your report.

Genuinely try to build an understanding of the human being you're having a 1:1
with. What makes them tick? What are their passions? How do they like to work?
Who do they like to work with? What makes them feel insecure? Beyond just
connecting with them as a human being, all of this information can help you to
anticipate their needs and be proactive, rather than reactive.

Don't allow the meetings to be cut short (this is a general rule of thumb I
have for team meetings & 1:1s). By making it clear that we were ALWAYS going
to use the 45 minutes, I found my colleagues always came more well prepared
with their own topics. If you allow it to cut short, people who are more
introverted, or find 1:1s challenging, may use silence as a way to cut it
short.

If you're a manager looking to groom a first time manager, have them run 1:1s
with their peers. Make it clear to their colleagues that this person is
interested in becoming a manager, and is looking to practice this skill. It
gives them some time to hone this skill in a low-risk situation, and I've
found everyone to be willing to be a team-player with this sort of setup.

Most managers I know take notes. I think the general rule is, be an active
listener. Do whatever you need to do to retain all the information you need to
retain.

Honestly, there's way more to 1:1s than I could write in a single HN post.
Lots of info all around in these comments. No one size fits all, so seek to
find the size that works for you and your team!

------
ivanmaeder
I think generally everyone's giving good advice.

One thing I haven't seen mentioned is having a kind of script or checklist for
the direct report to be able to reflect and prepare for the meeting. E.g.,

\- What have you accomplished since we spoke last?

\- What are you learning?

\- What are your biggest challenges? Is there anything you're avoiding?
Anything demotivating?

\- Is there anything you'd like feedback on?

It's NOT a script for the meeting. It's just to prepare.

Sometimes it's worth not having a one-on-one and that's fine, but when you
don't come with anything to talk about and you end up shooting the breeze, it
can sometimes feel like a waste of time.

~~~
agotterer
We use 15five for pre 1:1 input / status updates. It pretty much asks
employees the questions you are talking about. I reviews these before our 1:1
so we don’t need to talk status and I can jump right into the blockers and
questions. The remaining time we talk about growth, vision, set improvement,
philosophies, etc.

~~~
armgitaar
We are trying out [https://dawfin.com](https://dawfin.com), which has a pretty
nifty 1:1 management feature. Similar to 15Five, managers can create 1:1s,
reportees can review and pre-answer prior to meeting, manager and reportee can
go through 1:1 and see previous 1:1s notes. They put some quantitative type
questions in there as well - hopefully they will put those on histograms in
the near future so we can get some over-time perspectives. Overall, tools like
these help streamline meetings and provides historical records in case I need
to go back and look at older meetings.

------
elicash
[http://randsinrepose.com/archives/the-update-the-vent-and-
th...](http://randsinrepose.com/archives/the-update-the-vent-and-the-
disaster/)

------
taude
Since it sounds like you might be a new tech manager, you should sign up for
the Rands in Repose Leadership Slack channel [1]. There's a ton of sub-groups,
with 1-on-1s being one of them with tons of great advice. There's channels for
every other sub-domain of technical leadership you can think of, like
interviewing, compensation, performance management, culture, etc..

[1] [http://randsinrepose.com/welcome-to-rands-leadership-
slack/](http://randsinrepose.com/welcome-to-rands-leadership-slack/)

------
citeguised
Our team-leads have 1:1s every 6 months with their team-members. Every team-
lead has 3 to 8 people they 'manage', although managing in this case means
keeping them informed and supporting their professional development. The 1:1
is mostly about ways to improve and setting goals in personal development
(what to learn next, attending a rhetorics-seminar etc.) and defining the
necessary steps to become senior/principal/etc. Also we elect our team-leads
once a year. I'm surprised to see so many companies where weekly is the norm.

~~~
jeremysmyth
6-monthly is nowhere near enough to build the sort of trusting relationship
that 1-1s are so good for. If you don't know the names of your directs' (or
manager's) spouse and kids then your relationship isn't good enough to trust
the other with priorities at crunch time.

~~~
ac2u
I whole-heartedly agree that 6-monthly is no where near enough.

>If you don't know the names of your directs' (or manager's) spouse and kids
then your relationship isn't good enough to trust the other with priorities at
crunch time.

That's a bit far. You can have a great professional relationship with another
person where there's both skill growth and career development without getting
into their personal life.

I don't ask direct reports that much about their personal life beyond asking
about weekend plans. Through that, I sometimes learn of their families and
spouses through information they volunteer, but it feels invasive to go
fishing for it otherwise.

I've also reported to people that have been great to work with, been fully
invested in my goals, yet didn't know much about my personal life, because
it's none of their business.

Through that, I've still felt a great deal of trust that they can deal with
the aforementioned priorities.

~~~
jeremysmyth
Agree completely about it being invasive to ask. My point is that if my
directs trust me with (volunteered) info about their most treasured non-work
priorities, then they'll be more likely to trust me when I _need_ them to
reprioritize. I think we agree with each other; my point is descriptive rather
than prescriptive.

Put another way: If I clearly don't care about their families, then I clearly
don't care about their families.

------
dudul
I'm surprised to see most comments mentioning weekly 1:1s. In my experience
I've found that every other week is plenty. Do your direct reports really find
something to talk about every week?

~~~
joshyeager
Yes. Because the scope is so broad and the purpose is investing in our
relationship, my directs often have so much to talk about that we have topics
still untouched at the end of 30 minutes. This is universal across my whole
team: extroverts and introverts, junior and senior.

Sometimes they don’t have much to talk about. Then I’ll give extra feedback or
talk strategy. Less than 5% of my 1:1’s end early.

It wasn’t always like this. We had to build trust and get in the habit of
talking. Some new people think it’s weird for a month or two but I’ve never
had anyone say it was a waste of time after that.

~~~
pishpash
Perhaps. Or, here's a counterpoint. After a month or two they all learned that
they should humor your weekly make-work for them by spending extra time to
"come prepared" and "fill the meeting".

------
AdrianB1
Lower level manager here for 20+ years, doing both with direct reports and my
managers: \- with new hires, once a week. With experienced people, we align
the frequency based on their interests and needs, but at least once a month \-
agenda: by default the agenda is theirs. They put anything they want to
discuss there and I have just a couple of small items.

My items are: 1\. review of past period, work plan for the next few months
with a focus on the period till our next discussion 2\. formal feedback on
what is going well and what not (informal feedback every time is needed or
asked for) 3\. every quarter only: career plans, training plans

It usually works, or at least it worked in this format for the past 10 years,
never had any complaints, always had excellent relations with direct reports
(this is what I believe and this is what they said, I cannot be 100% sure). I
am in managerial positions for more than 20 years, in the first 10 I would
rate myself as a poor manager.In the past 10 years all my direct reports were
managers themselves and I treated them as such.

What did not work: 1\. Focus on projects instead of the person. Project
meetings, even with 2 people in the room, are not a 1 to 1 and not a
replacement 2\. Be very formal. I learned that by having 2 direct managers
doing that, so I promised myself not to do with my team. 3\. Focus on anything
else than that person. The meeting is for that person, not for the manager.
4\. Be political and evasive. It works for some people, but they will never be
trusted by their teams, especially if there are lower lever managers in the
team. I was always considered to be abrasive, it is a way to say "very direct
and too honest". My team seems to like that, the others are not my problem.

------
oneplane
We have a very talk-about-what-you-need-to structured 1-on-1, where the
managing party does every now and then try to ask about work specific ideas
and feelings, but mostly it's a conversation that can be about anything, and
can last pretty much any duration.

My conversations are about 70-30 regarding work-nonwork topics, often last
between 45 minutes and 90 minutes (but we usually schedule about 60), and for
some people is more about personal development and conversational experiments
than direct work issues. This is because work 'issues' are almost always
handled on-demand, and don't require scheduled meetings as we see them as high
priority for the people experiencing the issue(s).

The result so far (pas 1.5 year) has been that team clusters (we cluster about
4 scrum teams for a total of 24 people) work well on a personal and social
level which solves the politics and technical communication as a side effect,
which works much much better than the other way around (trying to fix
social/political issues with technical communication). Out of every 30 people
we have about 4 that can't seem to integrate very well, even after a year of
trying from both sides, at which point we find a different structure, team or
cluster of working. If that doesn't work, the person(s) in question usually
aren't comfortable in their position anyway and can get help finding work
elsewhere, or try to define a position that suits their needs more while still
providing the value we expect contractually (but you get much more technical
and contractual at that point which never really works out well).

TL;DR: 1-on-1 talks work best when they are an additional contact point and
not the only time you get to review and solve things in work or life.

------
mprovost
I schedule mine for a weekly 45 minutes which effectively blocks out an hour
in both of our calendars. An hour is too intimidating though. If there isn't
much to talk about that week we'll end at 30 minutes which is fine, but
sometimes we'll need the full hour.

I try to do a walking 1:1 around the neighbourhood or go to a nearby cafe,
never in a meeting room. The temptation to have laptops and Slack is too
great. Actually my secret weapon for 1:1s was to get an analogue watch so I
can keep track of time without getting out my phone and seeing a notification
and pulling myself mentally out of the 1:1. I do keep an Evernote checklist
for each person so if I think of something during the week that I need to
discuss I'll add it there, and if they assign me something during the 1:1 I
can quickly jot it down.

Most engineers' initial instincts towards 1:1s is to use them as status
reports and tell me about all the great things they've done over the past week
but I try and stop that habit from meeting one. I have other means of getting
that info and I'd much rather get them to talk about the future than the past.

------
jimnotgym
If you are nervous about formal 1 to 1s here are some tips.

1) Car journeys are wonderful ways to find out about someone. If you have to
visit another site to remodulate the wajamacallit, take someone with you.
Share the driving btw, stop for a coffee if it is a long way. "Seriously, you
have never been to the warehouse [or whatever], I'm going on Tuesday, come
along"

2) Those mysterious times when the office, or even the corner of the office is
almost deserted and one person (or two) is left there, go and sit next to
them, tell them your head is fried from x meeting and you need a break from
spreadsheets... then "so, how are things with you". People can be less
defensive at their desks (as long as it doesn't look like you just pounced on
them). Lots of times someone has replied, "actually I have been meaning to
talk to you, but you have been so busy I didn't want to waste your time!". Do
not do this at the end of days when they are trying to go home! This happens
here on Friday afternoons a fair bit, where people have booked an afternoon
off, and the phones have gone quiet.

------
hef19898
As mentioned already by a lot of people in other comments:

1) It's about them, not me. No agenda. If there is nothing to say or discuss,
fine everybidy gained 30 minutes.

2) Make it quality time, if you have to many directs reduce frequency to bi-
weekly.

3) Keep it confidential.

For me, scheduled 1-on-1s served as a reminder to talk at least once per week
(or every two weeks) with people. I tried to have multiple conversations any
how as often as possible. But at least once.

I also realized that I was horrible in the begining with keeping them, I
simply rescheduled too often. So my message to my directs was "force me to
stick to them, if one had to be cancelled force mw to get one by end of the
week".

Sometimes they became project / work related discussions, sometimes general
ranting (also necessary sometimes), sometimes personal and sometimes we were
done within less than a minute.

Ehat I aslo tried to do was to be open about myself, always a little bit more
than my dorects. Trust is important, and for me trusting my directs first
(being open about myself goes a long way) helped a lot in gaining that trust.
Doesn't mean I couldn't be a no-no-sense guy when needed.

------
mongol
I probably suck as a manager because I have it much less often. I have about
15 direct reports and there is no chance at all I can spend time to meet each
one on one biweekly or similar. However I am quite present and interact daily
with all of them so I have got their trust I think.

~~~
pishpash
You don't suck. You are doing good by them by staying out of the way. Most
people are not children and don't need scheduled pampering after initially.
There are other ways of making oneself available which is all that is needed.
The other people here who have endless meetings are doing nothing but looking
out for themselves (see example where they don't want their reports to leave,
therefore must keep tabs on their feelings _for themselves_ ). Can't blame
them but let's also not kid ourselves that that is being a "good manager" _for
reports_.

------
nykolasz
First, I would ask: why do you think you need a formal 1-1 with your direct
reports?

------
KirinDave
I've got a pretty specific set of things I cover at the start and at the end
of the process, but as you'll see the rest of the type (typically 30m, weekly)
is devoted to whatever they want to talk about. And if that is nothing, we
adjourn.

The steps:

0\. 5m of catch up, ask about any ongoing personal stuff, talk about hobbies,
whatever. Be a human for the start of it. I cannot overstress how important
this is. Talks like this are your window into your team-mates personality and
what kind of incentives they respond to. Similarly, you have to expose your
opinions and motivations to your teammates here so they understand how to
respond. Managers absolutely need to lead the way and be more transparent
here. I usually offer one of my many cute stories about my 4 year old daughter
and her ongoing absurd antics, or talk about upcoming pet rescue work, or
ongoing tech projects I take on the side. I listen more than I talk, when I
can.

1\. If there are HR concerns raised or to be raised, I start with those. These
include things like inter-personal interactions, performance, etc. I'm blessed
with teams that seldom have these issues, but when new team members join you
can use this time to help establish team norms.

2\. I make sure to answer any HR or complaint questions they have. This is
also where I ask about career advancement goals and how they feel about
progress. This may take the full amount of time.

3\. I try to summarize how their progress so far is matching the career goals
we set at the start of the evaluation period, and make suggestions if I have
any.

4\. We then carry over to the remaining time discussing any sort of directly
work-related things if they want help or advice with that.

5\. If the employee wants to talk about work, we can fill the remainder of the
time talking about personal things. For example, the other day a friend of
mine offered to look at a magic deck I put together as I got back into the
hobby.

6\. I always end it with a phrase pretty much verbatim, "As always, if you
come up with other questions you need answered or if there's anything you feel
uncomfortable talking out loud about, please email or slack me. You can also
email or slack my manager, their email is blah@blah.com."

------
kopos
I'm not sure if this sounds preachy, but I think you'll have great answers
from reading 'High Output Management' by Andy Grove.

\- Have an agenda in mind. If there were older 1-on-1's use them as a
direction to set an agenda. A hazy 1-on-1 is not much different from having a
drinks in a bar

\- Have the reportee come prepared with his / her concerns. If they can be
shared ahead of time, that will be great

\- Keep aside a good 45 mins to 1 hour for this. You need to listen a lot

\- Keep 1 on 1's strictly professional - focused on the productivity of the
reportee

------
mooreds
I had a conversation with a career coach recently and he said when he had
direct reports, he always asked one or more of the following questions:

\------------

What is something you did you were proud of?

What is something that challenged you?

What are you most nervous/challenged by in the coming week?

How are you going to approach these challenges?

What can I do to help you overcome the challenges?

\------------

Of course, the report should drive the agenda, but having these in your back
pocket can help with one to ones that are overly tactical ("can you help me
with this problem I was working on just before we started talking").

------
setgree
I have 1-on-1s with my supervisor scheduled for once every two weeks; we miss
some of those so I'd say on average it's once every 3. I realize this is
unusual, but we have good slack communication-dynamics, we both hate meetings
and we both write quickly.

A data engineer friend at a platform for small stores sees her manager twice a
week in half hour increments.

------
ohjeez
Perhaps relevant: [https://www.oreilly.com/library/view/the-secrets-
behind/9781...](https://www.oreilly.com/library/view/the-secrets-
behind/9781491995112/) . Free download if you're registered with O'Reilly.

------
partycoder
1:1 are opportunities to share ideas, concerns, mentoring, etc.

The format is important: keep it relevant, respectful, constructive, honest
and confidential.

That means: no gossip, no rumors, no ranting, no empty promises, no disclosure
of information from other 1:1s. Few minutes of casual talk is fine, but cannot
use up all the time.

------
moneil971
Weekly, I let them set the agenda (but add to it if I have something specific
to cover) and also let them cancel it if they have nothing to check in on (but
I never cancel!). At least once a quarter, talk about goals/progress/feedback
so they know if they are on track for review time.

------
nereid
We are using [https://www.15five.com/](https://www.15five.com/) is a tool that
helps on 1to1. We write beforehand what we want to talk about and It is
something that helps to have the meeting preworked and no make a unplanned
meeting.

------
exabrial
Listen, that's the number one thing. The second is be honest about whether or
not you're willing to take action on a certain action. The third is follow
through 100% everything you promise. In a way, it's the same principles that
make good parents.

------
LTjoker
They kept it no set agenda. My manager tried to tell me we should fight
management.

I left.

Either (he|she) wanted me to leave or that place is in the middle of a fight I
don't want to be apart of.

Stay on topic of technology please.

------
bane
Lots of great advice here. One thing that I also do is give a chance for the
employee to review me and what I can do to better serve them and make them
effective.

------
alecco
Ask them to write down the topics they want to discuss beforehand. Try to
structure the meeting a bit so you don't waste time on pointless discussions.

------
rahuldeepak
I do not have one on one as they are of no use. I believe in informal
communication and trust.

------
audiolion
What would you think of lining up your 1-1s back to back on a single day?

------
vermooten
I work to help build up their self-confidence.

------
epynonymous
I'm a senior director and most of my reports are middle managers, but
hopefully some of this will still be relevant or useful, i meet with my direct
reports quite often, like sometimes multiple times a day, but these aren't
1x1's, they're project related, i'm typically trying to get a pulse on the
team and projects. For actual 1x1's, i try to schedule once a month, i have 7
direct reports, each 1x1 is scheduled for 30m, if there are a lot of topics,
we can extend if time permits, or schedule a follow up. Most of the folks have
been with me for a long time (6+ years) so the trust level is quite high, that
way we cut straight through the crap and speak candidly. My direct reports
typically have a list of topics prepared, they don't share these topics with
me in advance, which i think is beneficial because then i'm more so in
listening mode, topics range from people, career development, to work
politics, etc. I try hard not to prepare responses in my head while they're
talking. i think for most of my managers, career path is pretty evident, they
want to manage more people, larger orgs, and more responsibility, i have gone
through career planning with them at some point, so we're talking about
specific goals that we've outlined together, and their progress along those
lines. I rarely get status updates on projects. Typically discussions are more
exploratory, for example, I don't like direct reports bringing problems to me
unless they have a set of possible solutions with pros/cons well articulated,
my job is not to solve their problems, my job is to prepare them so that they
can resolve their own problems.

My skip level 1x1's i try to schedule a 1-2 per week, i have over 80 people,
so this rate gets me through most of the team by the end of the year. It's
good to get a pulse on the team through this manner instead of just hearing it
from the managers, and it lets you get to know the people in your organization
more intimately, i'm sure at some point this doesn't scale, but i'd like to
keep it up, maybe as the org grows larger to sample folks instead of trying to
get to know everyone. I'm in learning mode mostly here, trying to figure out
what makes them tick, what's frustrating them, i also try to recognize their
work if applicable and get a good grasp of their potential. Sometimes i'll get
into their project details, because a) it helps to relax them to talk about
technical things b) it helps me to gauge their potential and then i get a
better sense of how to coach their careers. Again, listening is key here. Skip
levels are also 30m. Recognition for their work is important, great to hear
from your manager, but also great to hear from your manager's manager.
Typically the skip level engineers don't have a list of topics, so it's more
me getting to know the individual better i typically ask about their
background, what they're working on, i like digging into the technical
details, whiteboarding is wonderful. In terms of career discussions, i most
likely don't have all the specifics about their skill set, so for that, i
expect the managers to sort through. But obviously if they have career
questions, i'm happy to give them my perspective.

------
paulgrant999
don't do 1-on-1's unless there is an acute problem. I do however, walk and
talk a lot i.e. keep on top of things.

way way better.

most of the time, 1-on-1 is personal issue (death, scheduling conflict,
injury), or personality-clash.

not a big fan of endless meetings. much prefer management, to be out and about
(checking on the state of things, resolving problems).

I don't normally favor firing people (unless there is something seriously
wrong with their behavior). There is always a way to work things out.

A light touch, at the right time, goes way further than "constant meetings".
Also being able to work to accommodate people (remembering them as people,
first and foremost).

~~~
partycoder
"Talking a lot" = distracting a lot.

Only interrupt developers if it is urgent. For a developer, resuming a task
after an interruption can take time and effort.

Using an issue trackers and building discipline around keeping it updated is
preferable to polling people for updates constantly.

"How is this task going?" -> go to the ticket for that task in your issue
tracker and read the status field.

If you feel like "talking a lot", don't do it in the areas where developers do
their work. It is distracting for developers.

~~~
cimmanom
Status fields aren’t much help when you’re 8 days in on “in progress” for a
ticket that was originally estimated to take 2. Often that’s exactly when you
need to have a conversation. Scope is creeping; or the engineer is taking a
poor approach and needs to talk it through with someone; or there’s some tech
debt that warrants investing in refactoring; or the engineer just plain
misunderstood the goals. And they’re almost certainly demoralized by now and
need encouragement or help seeing a way out of the swamp.

