

Ask HN: How important are networking events? - babyduck

I'm working on a startup. I have a day job, so I have very limited time. My co-founder and I are in the Bay Area, and there are a ton of meetups and networking events around here. We've been to four in the last couple of weeks. The first was wonderful, but I found the next three depressing.<p>I'm pretty good at maintaining my own internal reality distortion field, but a few hours in a room with a bunch of dressed up guys selling things to each other, and the field starts to falter. I look at their elaborate projects and ours seems terribly small. I have difficulty talking about what we're doing. It just feels yucky.<p>Technical events are much better, but I feel out of place there as well, because I'm usually the only (or almost only) woman in the room, and that out-of-placeness also messes with my mindset.<p>I often feel like my time would be better spent locked in my room developing. On the other hand, I see the benefit in getting to know interesting people and being exposed to ideas I might not have discovered on my own. If going to these events gives us some fresh perspective, or a few good contacts, then it might be worth it.<p>What do you think?
======
jamesbritt
"Technical events are much better, but I feel out of place there as well,
because I'm usually the only (or almost only) woman in the room, and that out-
of-placeness also messes with my mindset."

First, to hell with other people. Also, not to diminish the feeling you have
from being the only woman in the room, but anecdotal experience tells me many
people in such settings feel like they're the odd person out, for all sorts of
reasons.

But see if you can exploit this oddity. A lot of people at such events get
tired of hearing the same stuff from the same sorts of people. If you're
different, make the most of it. (Yeah, I know, giving advice is easy.)

I've been to a lot of tech events, have spoken at geek gatherings dozens of
times. If you are looking to get hired by another geek, it can work well. If
you are looking for customers, less well, since they typically do not attend
software conferences and such. OTOH, I've had people get in touch with me
because they've seen that I've given talks, written articles, and so on, and
they use that to estimate my skills.

Plus I've met many smart people dong interesting things, so the brain-boost
from attending the right gatherings is a big win.

Myself, I hate anything that is explicitly a networking event. I hate
schmoozing, I usually hate small talk. So I avoid them. :) But at some point
it's important to get face time with the non-geeks with whom you want to do
business. When I have to do it I try to think of it as a game, or as some sort
of performance art.

~~~
babyduck
So it sounds like it's a matter of testing out a variety of events to find the
right ones.

What do you do to make it a game?

One friend suggested creating a character who enjoys whatever it is the event
requires and pretending to be her (or even him). I haven't tried this yet, but
will.

I also realized a few days ago that I'm seeing the crowd as me + everyone
else, where "everyone else" is a single entity which knows a lot of things
that I don't. I have to keep reminding myself that to any given person, I'm
part of "everyone else".

These things help a little. The odd-one-out feeling comes from somewhere way
down deep though, it (or whatever causes it) filters my words and behavior
before they even get to my conscious mind. I don't think it's something anyone
can just turn off, no matter how irrational it is. It can be quite
frustrating. There must be ways to work around it though.

~~~
jamesbritt
"What do you do to make it a game?"

Um, I sort of pretend to be a social person:)

I was never much of a people person, but I earned my way through school
working at hotels, and had to deal with people all the time. I learned a few
tricks, mostly around the idea of having a public personae.

I also learned that people like to talk about themselves, so I see how long I
can go without using the words "I" or "me", and pretend like I'm interviewing
people. (Sort of; enough to keep the conversation moving before it becomes yet
another monologue by and about James.)

'I also realized a few days ago that I'm seeing the crowd as me + everyone
else, where "everyone else" is a single entity which knows a lot of things
that I don't. I have to keep reminding myself that to any given person, I'm
part of "everyone else".'

It seems that most people, most of the time, are thinking more about
themselves than about you or anyone else in the room.

I know what you mean about that deep-rooted odd-one-out feeling. If it's any
consolation, there seem to be quite a lot us odd-one-out people. Also, if you
keep pushing yourself, that feeling tends to fade, at least somewhat. If
noting else, if you make repeat visits to various events, you'll make friends
and acquaintances, and it gets easier.

Years ago I would never have imagined myself being the sort of person to lead
a rock band or organize social gatherings or give talks to hundreds of people.
But I've done it, and while I'm still geeky/gawky in the process, I've learned
a hell of a lot.

I'm seriously tempted to go check out Toastmasters, too, to improve my public
speaking and general social skills.

<http://www.toastmasters.org/>

------
samratjp
Go put yourself in front of potential customers - they are the ones who are
going to make or break your product.

As about those events, I am sure you can find some good ones - definitely
check out TiE <http://sv.tie.org/TGS/EM/viewevent/viewEventPT?id_event=3990> I
know that's an old event, but they have a large member base and you'll very
likely run into many "doers".

~~~
babyduck
Thanks, that looks like a good group.

