
Ask HN: I'm poor at explaining things, how can I fix that? - cx42net
Every time I try to explain something to someone, I go either too deep in details or uses wrong examples, leading them to be completely lost.<p>Today was the tipping when I was trying to explain some basic mathematics to my daughter, and managed to lost here, making her more confused than before.<p>The worst part is that I love sharing what I know. I want to share my knowledge with my children, sharing my passion with them, and this is a blow for me.<p>I, unfortunately, don&#x27;t think I&#x27;m not the only one, and I hope that some of you managed to turn the ship around, found help and improved themselves.<p>If so, I would love to have your insights on it, and what can I do to be a better pedagogue.<p>Thank you.
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mrburton
I think this is something most people struggle with. In my personal opinion,
when I find it hard to explain things it's often related to one of the
following:

1\. I honestly don't know it as well as I think. This is a hard pill to
swallow, but most of the time it's the reason why we struggle to explain
things in clear terms.

2\. We are often conditioned to use terms that the audience doesn't fully
understand. e.g., Industry terms.

3\. I haven't given it enough thought before trying to explain it.

Find someone who is willing to listen to you speak. Hopefully they'll be
patient enough to listen to you when you repeat yourself in different ways.

Lastly, I found that sometimes I struggle with trying to over explain things.
There's a tipping point where you're audience is "comfortable" with what you
explained, but once you go beyond that, it's like dragging them into deep
waters.

Learn to be comfortable with not being fully "correct". Meaning, explain
enough so they have a good idea of what you're saying. It's a starting point
for the next thing they will need/want to know.

~~~
WheelsAtLarge
>1\. I honestly don't know it as well as I think. This is a hard pill to
swallow, but most of the time it's the reason why we struggle to explain
things in clear terms.

This is extremely true. Students often fall into the trap that they know
something just because they can follow along when a teacher is doing it. But
following is not the same as understanding and learning.

>3\. I haven't given it enough thought before trying to explain it.

I think this is one of the main reasons we have trouble with explanations. We
understand the subject but that doesn't mean we can explain it in terms that
newbies can understand. Some of the worst teachers are the experts that have
been doing something for a long time. Once they understand something it's hard
to see why everyone should not but they don't realize that they've gained much
of their understanding over years.

Also, keep it simple. Reddit has the, "Explain it like I'm five" group so just
follow that advice. Your subject will let you know if you are being too basic
and you can adjust as needed.

My advice is to plan the explanation before you try it, minimize jargon, keep
it simple and make sure you know what you are talking about.

------
apo
> Today was the tipping when I was trying to explain some basic mathematics to
> my daughter, and managed to lost here, making her more confused than before.

How many questions do you ask during your explanations?

I ask because it's very easy to get wrapped up in your own words, ignoring the
blooming confusion in the person you're talking with.

You might try some experiments around asking questions. For example, when you
give analogies about math you think your daughter would understand, ask her to
explain it back to you - before you're done. Or - after a few sentences, ask
her what she thinks will come next.

On the topic of actually explaining things, you might consider doing the "tap
test" with your daughter.

Pick a song you're _certain_ she'll be able to recognize, just from the rhythm
you tap on a tabletop. Then tap it out. And watch in bewilderment as she has
no idea what you're tapping.

Turn it around and ask her to tap a song she's _certain_ you'll recognize.
It's a lot of fun and a very good way to understand just how hard it can be to
teach anything. Works great with any friend or family member as well.

To be explicit, the outcome of the tap test is surprising because as we tap,
we're hearing the rest of the music in our own heads. But the other person
can't, of course. That's what happens to a lot of people when they explain
things. They hear the parts they're not actually saying, but the other person
can't. Understanding this phenomenon is the first step to doing something
about it.

You can read more about the tap test in the book "Made to Stick," which is
about explaining things in general and is a great read.

~~~
cx42net
Thank you for your advice.

I did asked a lot of question, at every step of the explanation, to ensure she
was following, but when I tried to wrap it all, that's where I lost her.

I might also have tried to explain her something she's not ready to understand
based on her school level, that might be a a part of why she didn't understood
my explanation.

~~~
beatgammit
Can you get her to wrap it all? When teaching, it's often better to get them
to draw the conclusion logically, and then have them explain by working an
example with you.

I find that I learn as much or more by teaching than being taught. A good
teacher, then, is one who gets the student to teach. Set the stage so the next
step is obvious and have them make that leap.

I'm not an expert at it either, but that's what I've noticed from my favorite
teachers.

~~~
cx42net
I haven't done that, but I'll try next time to see how she explains it. That's
a good idea, thanks!

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iamasuperuser
I don’t think that there is a quick fix, but I have found the following
useful;

1\. Think in billboards (Construct your explanation in less than 16 words)

2\. Increase your vocabulary. Try wordthink.com daily.

3\. Hold off. Don’t speak just yet. Seek to compact your explanation.

4\. Reframe it as an analogy or metaphor

5\. Even if your audience isn’t a 5 year old, try to describe your idea in a
way that they would understand.

Good luck!

~~~
jakamau
> 1\. Think in billboards (Construct your explanation in less than 16 words)

> 3\. Hold off. Don’t speak just yet. Seek to compact your explanation.

These have always been the most important/challenging parts of explaining a
topic for myself. If I am struggling, I'll take a few moments and ask myself
three questions.

1\. What am I trying to explain? (What is in-scope)

2\. What am I _not_ trying to explain? (What is out-of-scope? "We can come
back to that later if you're interested")

3\. How would they explain this topic to me? (What is the language the
audience would use?)

~~~
hhs
Hi jakamau, I especially like your second question of "What am I not trying to
explain?" This is good to think about because sometimes we pack too many
things in our explanations, which may not only confuse the audience but may
also dilute the point.

This reminds me of Michael Porter's note on strategy: "the essence of strategy
is choosing what not to do."

------
kazinator
If you want to get better at explaining things, you have to explain things to
yourself often. Either mentally, or by writing them down. Don't be satisfied
with the first draft; refine the explanation. Also, read or listen to other
people's explanations.

Perhaps the issue is you're too smart, and consequently don't work with
explanations. You don't explain things to yourself, but just admit
considerable increments of complexity as-is and understand it without having
to reformulate it for your internal five-year-old. You don't bother with
explanations from others; you get bored and prefer the raw facts. You snoozed
in lectures and aced exams.

Explanations don't have to be accurate. Any simplification embodies a lie. It
has to, because there is a difference between the simplification and the real
subject.

Wittgenstein's Ladder and all that.

Engineers and scientists -- STEM people -- sometimes have a problem with
telling technical lies in order to simplify something, in order to protect
their "face". The trick is to introduce lies as such. "I'm slightly going to
lie to you, but the gist of how it works is ...".

------
deanalevitt
I tended to over-explain but I developed a few tricks that help me keep things
simple. I follow this five-step process, especially when writing answers:

1\. What is the question? Too often, I found I was speaking about the topic,
but not actually answering the question.

2\. Wait, what is the real question? I try to take a moment and think about
the question and what information the asker is actually trying to get.

3\. Did I answer the question? Or did I ramble about unrelated minutiae?

4\. Did I answer the real question? Or will there need to be follow up
questions because I didn't get to the heart of the answer?

5\. Did I actually make sense?

\---

Whenever I have to answer hard questions, I try to write down succinct answers
in less than 3 sentences. This helps me practice getting to the point, rather
than my natural rambling.

------
domod
I had the same problem at work. My former manager recommended me to read about
storytelling and especially “the pyramid principle” [1] by barbara minto. It
helped me a lot in how to frame a message and make the message logically
easiest to absorb.

[1] Barbara Minto - The Pyramid Principle

~~~
hhs
Hi domod, this is a good reference to bring up. It's a book used by many
consulting folks. Some love the pyramid principle while others are put off by
it.

Please note that there has been criticism raised in recent years about the
pyramid principle. Some argue that it turns people's writing in "McKinsey"
style, which could be even more confusing to the audience. For instance, Duff
McDonald writes in his book, "The Firm", the details on Barbara Minto's text,
"The Pyramid Principle". He offers a useful critique of writing things in that
style.

Minto's book is useful to read, but just be aware of the criticism raised.
This will help when you're thinking about your audience and hoping to explain
things to them.

------
AnimalMuppet
Rehearse. Try to explain something, as if you were explaining it to someone
else. (It doesn't have to be out loud - you can do the conversation in your
head.) You can kind of tell that some parts don't work. Try again. And again.
After several times, you find better ways to explain it.

Now go try it on a real person. At this step, it may work out differently than
it did in your own head! Don't get discouraged by that. Keep trying.

You finally explained that in a way that someone understood? That's great!
Take a moment to feel good about that. Then pick something else, and start
rehearsing that.

~~~
cx42net
Yep. I think I need to keep working on trying to explain things, finding
alternative ways to be understood and find something that works.

Thanks :)

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Srishti101
I try a simple practice technique before big presentations. Just sit in a room
alone and record your voice as you present. That will help you see your
communication errors, slows, bad sentences etc. Its just practice. I learned
from working with some of the best presenters I know, they spent years working
very hard before each presentation/discussion and that helps them get better.
They make it all look magical but its just a lot of hard work behind their
seamless flow of thought.

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tmaly
I have a young daughter, and I try to explain a lot to her.

I have found concrete examples she can relate to are the best.

For instance I was trying to explain the mental model of inversion.

I explained it using with the example of deciding what she wants to eat. If
she is not sure, then lets list all the things she does not want to eat first.
Then from that, it helps narrow in on what she does want to eat.

------
otras
Before I got into tech, I worked as a full-time tutor with high school and
middle school students for a few years. That was the best practice for
improving my ability to explain things. I usually think about the meta-game of
improving in roughly three different ways:

1\. Explaining many things to many people: you really get good at thinking on
your feet, reading how well different people understand things, and coming up
with new ways of explaining things. It forces you to be flexible, and you can
build a general framework for walking through something new.

2\. Explaining many things to one person: you learn to see how that person
learns. What kind of prior knowledge do they have, and how do they like to
work through understanding something new? You can tailor your explanations to
them, and since explaining requires a lot of active listening to make sure the
person is with you, you can get much better at identifying when they're lost
so you can circle back.

3\. Explaining the same thing to many people: you hone your explanation skill
for that one thing. Once you've explained the concept to multiple people, you
can see what works and what doesn't work. You understand the sticking points,
the easy parts, the analogies that work, and the ones that don't. Having
multiple students working on the same concept at the same time would be great!
I'd have to work harder for the first student, but by the end of the week I'd
have it down pat.

For me, it came down to practice, repetition, and really knowing the material.
Striking the balance between explaining and active listening for ~8 hours a
day was a fantastic way to get better, and I don't think I'll ever forget how
to walk someone through the tricky parts of AP Calculus. Now that I'm far from
the tutoring world, I try to practice by writing and will try to keep that
part of my brain active in the future through some sort of teaching.

I'd recommend practicing as much as you can. Keep practicing your explanations
and active listening with your daughter. As another user said, make sure you
know the material. Walk through it yourself, and try a dry run of explaining
some math. I recommend explaining to a pet, which is the equivalent of rubber
duck debugging. You won't get the feedback, but you'll be able to think it
through first, which absolutely helps. Writing also doesn't offer you a
similar feedback loop, but it does force you to walk through your thoughts and
identify any missing parts of your own understanding.

Disclaimer: I mostly worked 1:1 with students. Managing an entire classroom is
an entirely different beast!

~~~
cx42net
As others said, "really knowing the material" is one of the important things
that can cause confusion.

Practicing is also important, but for that, I need people that are willing to
listen to me struggle.

Thank you for your help.

------
nf05papsjfVbc
If you are able to put yourself in the shoes of the people to whom you are
explaining something, the rest will follow. Consider what they already know
and how you can bring them to your point by starting with something familiar
and known.

If you have that point covered, the rest is "thinking clearly" and "expressing
oneself clearly". These require practice as much as placing yourself in the
shoes of the audience.

~~~
cx42net
I have the faculty to feel what others feels, and that's worse in my case. I
feel when I lose them, which make me start to want to explain more, which in
turn worsen the situation.

Maybe in that case I should try to stop that feeling and go with my initial
idea ... while keeping in mind whom I'm adressing to (like you say in your
comment)

~~~
nf05papsjfVbc
One aspect of placing yourself in their shoes is to feel how they feel.
Another aspect is to see what they understand from what you are trying to
explain. This requires a different kind of skill - of trying to see things
from the perspective of different context, culture, skill, knowledge or
language (do these words mean the same things for them?). It is this aspect
that I had in mind and from your answer I get the impression that you meant
the former instead.

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mbrock
One thing might be to start by describing things at a less detailed level,
perhaps focusing on _why_ something is interesting, or a personal story like
how you learned about this thing, or something else that lets you share your
enthusiasm without getting bogged down in fully teaching the thing. Hopefully
this can be done in a way that sparks the curiosity that will let you proceed
to more engaged discussion.

~~~
cx42net
Yep. I need to work on filtering what I'm explaining, keeping the simple
things at first, then increasing the difficulty if asked.

That's a challenge in itself :)

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newzucanuze
I'm sorry, I don't quite understand what the issue is. Could you maybe
rephrase it more directly, without so much details and confusing examples?

~~~
cx42net
Ahahahah ... oh wait, are you serious? ;)

------
vkaku
Try explaining hard things to kids. That's the best way to understand how to
teach.

------
throway88989898
Write.

Listen.

