
What Newly-Minted Millionaires Struggle With - Elof
https://medium.com/@duncanr/what-newly-minted-millionaires-struggle-with-128d10e083bc
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robocat
> Anyone who tells you that, “I had a perfect childhood” is either lying, in
> denial, or deluded.

Wow. Anyone else feel that is rather over-cynical? Edit: Duncan holds a Ph.D.
in clinical psychology, so maybe he has a sampling bias? The Psychologists I
have know well were all very abnormal (selection bias?!)

Personally, I had a lovely childhood, and nothing traumatic ever happened to
me. Maybe that doesn't mean "perfect childhood" but I could use the phrase
without cringing. Maybe I am just lucky: one ex did give me a peculiar
nickname because she felt I had never experienced misfortune!

~~~
acconrad
> _Personally, I had a lovely childhood, and nothing traumatic ever happened
> to me._

I think that's the point. Lovely != perfect. Not that I'm trying to be
pedantic here...but "perfect" says a lot. If you think you had the "perfect"
childhood you're essentially claiming that there is no possible way your
childhood could have gone better. It's just sort of myopic thinking that there
aren't other ways to enjoy life and that might reveal other things, such as a
lack of empathy or perhaps masking something else.

~~~
defertoreptar
What do we think the author means when he uses the word "perfect"? He uses the
words "in denial" and "deluded." He's implying that _everyone 's_ childhood
contains some flaws that make later psychological introspection beneficial.

In that sense, he's obviously right. That's why "nobody's perfect" is such a
bland truism, just as "no one's childhood was perfect."

So the real problem comes down to equivocation. The author means one thing
when he says "perfect" and the reader understands it as another: "I had a
lovely childhood, and it was filled with memories that I cherish, and it
lacked any of those traumatic things you see on TV." Neither meaning refers to
"perfect" in the sense that someone can get a 1600 on their SAT test.

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JMTQp8lwXL
> There’s often an overwhelming amount of confusion that people feel when
> their train-of-life suddenly runs out of rails. Nobody else is now telling
> you what you should do.

Nobody was telling you what to do, prior to receiving your windfall. Sure,
society forced your hand a little bit (you had to work to put food on the
table, and a roof over your head) but that doesn't fundamentally change
whatever non-financial challenges you were facing. Maybe your lack of wealth
masked it, since you were too busy to really think about any of it. Later, the
author says:

> The ultimate discovery is that nothing fundamentally changes when you have a
> lot of money. ... So now you have to face the fact that you’re in control of
> your own destiny and that you get to choose what you want. This is actually
> true for everyone

I haven't experienced a windfall ever, but this is how I'd imagine it occurs
to receive one. You're still the same person. I suppose this is comforting
information, since I imagine there's a decent number of readers here who will
eventually experience a windfall.

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austincheney
The question I have for people in such situations, as in “suddenly wealthy”,
is how do you manage your dependents?

Some background may be in order. I suspect for many such people the wealth was
earned, and so I am disqualifying inheritance and lottery. In the case where
wealth is earned there may be some people who had to toil with excess work in
great risk with need of excessive discipline in the face of potential failure.
For these people I suspect the discipline and patience necessary set
expectations accordingly and so the realities of sudden wealth are but merely
a new challenge, in a line of many, to manage with prudence. While such people
may have the personalities and experience to leverage careful decisions about
the day to day realities of the new wealth those personalities and experiences
are likely not equally present in their spouses, children, and other personal
beneficiaries.

How do the wealthy manage their dependents with regard to new wealth and
access thereof? I imagine there might be new problems with spending habits or
that they may develop a new sense of personal entitlement or arrogance among
the immediate dependents. The change can be sudden or it can be gradual such
that the changes rise slowly in proportion to the resources available at any
given time.

I have personally observed this phenomenon on a tiny scale in my own life as
my earning power has increased over time and it destroys any lust I might
imagine for any sort of wealth accumulation. Has anyone wealthy encountered
something like this and solved for it?

~~~
gowld
[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/clogs_to_clogs_in_three_gener...](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/clogs_to_clogs_in_three_generations)

The straightforard but unpopular answer is that you should't squander wealth
on yourself, and certainly not squander it on your dependents. Put your wealth
to good use making the world a better place, by investing in a business and
employees, or paying people to do good charitable work.

The other answer to put your wealth into generating as many offspring (and
grand-offspring) as possible, and giving them wealth, and trusting them to
figure out how to spread your genes far and wide.

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purplezooey
Why is this pure chum article ranked up so high.

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bifrost
I think this is a great article.

IMHO last line is the best.

~~~
Zanni
Agreed, great article (though I prefer this line from the penultimate
paragraph: "Why wait until you’re rolling in money to discover that you’re not
living your authentic, fully-empowered, best life? Why not start digging-in
now?").

I "retired" at 28 on what, in retrospect, was a laughably small nest egg from
stock options. But I was unhappy at my job and wanted freedom from work, and I
leapt at the earliest opportunity. It took me a long time to rediscover that
meaningful work is one of the great joys in life. If I'd figured that out
sooner, I probably could have transitioned into a better role at my current
company, or found something suitable at another company ... anything rather
than just checking out for years and trying to find a way to fill my time.

~~~
brador
What did you find as meaningful work?

~~~
Zanni
Running a community theatre. Although that's just where I ended up; I don't
think it's necessarily more meaningful than programming. Meaning is
individual.

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skybrian
I wonder if people who retire at a more usual age struggle with similar
issues? It seems like there ought to be lots of other people writing about
this?

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8bitsrule
He's only speaking for one newly-minted millionaire, one that admits to having
spent it all. Maybe not the best teacher.

~~~
Elof
He’s speaking from experience

