
2012: Hard Lessons Learned - Mystalic
http://www.benmilne.com/2012-hard-lessons-learned/
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ChuckMcM
Well said, very well said.

I really do like people who can both disagree and share their reasoning on
that disagreement. They are priceless. Many, if not all, of my best
conversations have started with "Chuck I think {that/you/we/this} is wrong and
this is why ..." I've often felt that half a dozen smart people with this
trait can go out and build anything you want. That is because they will cross
check each other and in the end they will get more right than they get wrong.

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georgemcbay
They'd also have to be the type of folks who can take disagreement or having
their mistakes pointed out without taking it personally.

Perhaps I'm just turning into an old "get off my lawn, damn kids" curmudgeon
but anecdotally I've noticed a bit of a cultural shift over my lifetime of
people being increasingly unable to have mistakes pointed out to them without
them going on the defensive and making it into some sort of personal attack
that was never intended.

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ChuckMcM
I think anyone can get defensive. Some folks have that way about them, I have
worked with people in previous jobs who could just start talking and it would
get folks agitated.

That happens to me sometimes too, it annoys me that my emotions react before
my brain can sometimes, but I try very hard to avoid that.

And of course we can only control our own reactions, not that of others, so we
can model a good way to deal with disagreement, but if we piss someone off by
disagreeing with them we have to work within those constraints. If there are
people everyone is tip-toeing around then that is a problem your organization
should fix.

The passive aggressive stuff, the agreement at the meeting and later
dissenting in private with others, the unwillingness to even engage in a
discussion. That stuff is poison and you really need to fix it if you can. Not
always possible to fix, but always a source of problems.

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bpmilne
"That stuff is poison and you really need to fix it if you can"

I was told once that it is a cancer and all you can do is cut it out. It was
one of the better pieces of advice I've ever gotten from another founder.

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bcambel
Website seems to be down. Here is the cached version of the site.
[http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://...](http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.benmilne.com/2012-hard-
lessons-learned/)

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michaelmartin
A well written post and a lot of good lessons. I really liked your 2 tips for
spotting expensive middle men in particular. Seems obvious when you think
about it, but well worth being conscious of.

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barking
Sounded to me what he said was just to beware of people who don't keep their
promises.

Does anyone need to be told that? my suggestion is to get references

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michaelmartin
No, he pointed out how a normally positive gesture (saying "i'll find out")
can be an indicator of a more subtle problem (intermediaries).

I think its very easy to forget those signs of a more subtle issue and just be
glad each question is being answered in a "timely enough" manner when you ask
it.

Not a big fan of references to be honest. Everyone must have a few people
willing to exaggerate for them. A referral from someone you already know and
trust is different, but a reference from someone you arent that familiar with
is fairly meaningless I think.

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Cl4rity
Does anyone have a mirror? The site or its contents seem to be down or
unavailable.

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bcambel
[http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://...](http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.benmilne.com/2012-hard-
lessons-learned/)

~~~
bpmilne
Sorry about that guys. Working on expanding resources. This one crushed the
VPS my blog is hosted on.

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Cl4rity
No prob. I'm late in responding (busy at CES) but good stuff!

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BobWarfield
All good stuff!

