
In Praise of Phone Calls - tintinnabula
https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/in-praise-of-phone-calls
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bradlys
Ironically - I strictly talk to certain people over phone. For instance, my
parents. I don't have a good relationship with them and therefore keep
distance by making it only possible to really talk to me through phone calls.
I think I've texted them a total of five messages. I'll text other people
quite a bit - to the point where we've rarely ever talked on the phone and
it's awkward to talk to them on it. (In person - we're fine)

Nowadays, I find it very hard to find time to talk to people on the phone that
isn't at an awkward time. (Or that I can do with privacy - as I live in a very
small in-law unit in the bay area) When we do, it's for long stretches. 30
minutes or an hour. I don't think I know how to have a short phone call with
friends. So, sometimes I call a friend midday at work and go for a long walk.

It's nice. I like hearing their voices and I can always hear the things
they're up to. It's a peak into their life. I can visualize them getting out
of the car, driving along, grocery shopping, arranging the apartment, cooking
dinner, etc. as we talk. I'm usually the weird one - just walking on the
sidewalk or sitting in my unit alone - maybe tiding up a bit.

Video chat can be nice but it feels stilted. We're not exactly in eachother's
lives at the moment. Instead, it's an orchestrated interaction rather than,
"Hey, let's go do some errands together like we used to when we lived closer."

~~~
lainga
Thank you for being so candid.

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njarboe
A landline costs just as much as a smart phone plan, so very few people can
justify the cost of both. I find that having just one end of a conversation on
a landline improves the quality greatly and pay the ~$40 a month to have one
(also, the long ago installed alarm is hooked up to it). Smart phone to smart
phone calls are bad in many ways (drops, static, distortion, etc.) but what I
find the most annoying is the excess delay. The old landline to landline calls
had no more delay than talking to someone in person.

~~~
Cd00d
I thought that having a landline only increased exposure to spam and
robocalls. How do you filter so your phone rings only from people you'd want
to talk to?

~~~
njarboe
When the robo call problem spiked on my landline, I was getting 5-10 per day.
Then I stated answering the phone with the phrase "Please leave a message at
the tone." and made a beep noise. This got the calls down to 0-2 per day after
awhile (also, I'm on the do not call list). Most people could tell it was
really me and, if not, I could just wait until they said something to respond.
I've heard that some organizations call numbers to see if and when actual
people pick up and then sell that information to scammers. Signaling to them
that the number goes to a machine seemed to reduce scam calls.

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sudosteph
I feel the author's point about having a dedicated physical device. I feel
that way about my preference for a fountain pen and a notebook versus my
laptop.

The thing I absolutely cannot relate to though is the joy over getting
"surprise" phone calls. I don't want a land-line, even if the quality is
better, because I don't want another device making noises and demanding my
attention. Sure you could unplug it when you're not using it, but I'd feel
like too much of a jerk doing that. Voicemails are also just another thing
that make noise or lights and demand attention.

I hate podcasts, and have issues with audio processing in general - but in
some ways I actually think ham radios are the ideal. I don't normally talk on
mine - but sometimes I like listening in on some of the local repeaters and
hearing the convos there. I'm out in the NC mountains right now, so It's kind
of cool to hear the accents of some of the older guys (reminds me of my
grandad's accent), plus they're always swapping crazy stories. I also like the
give-and-take nature of ham radio, since people tend to be very cognizant of
how much time they are taking up and the need to make space on the channel to
let others jump in and talk. And of course, I like that you can just turn it
off if you're not feeling like hearing people's voices.

~~~
ravenstine
I remember the days of surprise phone calls, and enjoyed them because there
really weren't other forms of distraction. People usually called because they
were interested, not always because they needed something or to work out the
logistics of something else.

Today, surprise phone calls seem unwanted because we already have other
devices beeping, vibrating, and popping up at us constantly. Because people
overshare their lives on social media, few talk one-on-one to ask each other
how they are doing. When they do call, it's because they need something, or
because of bad news, like a relative dying.

~~~
cortesoft
My problem with "surprise phone calls" is that they don't fit in my schedule.
With a full time job and two going kids, I am always busy with something. The
chance of the call coming when I have 5 free minutes is very unlikely. I am
either busy with work, making dinner, putting the kids to bed, etc. I can't
just stop those things to talk to someone. This is especially true for calls
about something I need to think about... I can't context switch that easily.

~~~
egypturnash
There used to be a protocol for this: Oh hey, cool person I like and would
like to talk to if I wasn’t in the middle of something! I’m in the middle of
(thing), can I call you back in like ten minutes?

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xenospn
I've hated phone calls all my life - I still dread making them today (and I'm
a 40 year old man). I will literally miss extremely important business
opportunities because I put off calling someone for too long. Texting and
emails are life savers for me, and if people tell me "they're not the texting
type", I'll simply disengage.

~~~
saber6
As a 33 year old I really am confused by this statement.

While I love my texting, slack, etc, nothing replaces the low-latency
engagement (intimacy) of a one on one phone call. I can parse someone's tone
very easily on a phone call. Text rarely conveys such depth.

~~~
nicoburns
I struggle with phone calls. I find them quite anxiety inducing with anyone
who I don't know well. I think because I find it hard to read tone of voice
accurately, and to control my tone of voice to accurately convey my emotions.

I generally much prefer in person contact. And messaging to arrange it.

Also: not sure if you are young enough to be in the MSN generation? But a good
chunk of my generation (I'm 26), grew up spending every evening conversing via
text for a chunk of our teenage years. We got pretty good at conveying emotion
through text (using longggg words... elipsis for pauses, emojis, and idioms
(lol, lmao, AF), etc)

~~~
leetcrew
I'm also 26, and I definitely relate to the teenage IM experience. I think the
problem with phone calls is that it's an unnatural level of focus to give
someone you don't know well. when you meet face-to-face, there's always some
little distractions available to fill the gaps in the conversation. silence is
way worse without context; after fifteen seconds or so, the other person will
say "hey, are you still there?" I also find myself missing one word out of
every other sentence the person says, so there's a lot of backtracking.

as an aside, I've noticed that my cohort of people who grew up sending
hundreds of messages/texts to their friends every night don't really interact
that way anymore over text. back then if the person was online, they would
usually respond immediately and you could exchange a lot of information really
fast. now every response seems to take a few minutes or an hour (I do this
myself too, don't mean to blame anyone). it has the weird effect of making
text a less useful way to communicate than it was ten or fifteen years ago. I
guess when everything is immediate and urgent, nothing is?

~~~
nicoburns
> as an aside, I've noticed that my cohort of people who grew up sending
> hundreds of messages/texts to their friends every night don't really
> interact that way anymore over text.

Yeah, same here. Don't have time for that anymore! I also have the freedom to
go an see people in person in a way that I didn't back then (well not
currently, but most of the time!).

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mntmoss
Yesterday I did a Discord voice hangout with the folks I normally co-work
with. It went off pretty well, I got to hike outside while talking to them.

It does have its limits, though. Everyone's voices get filtered through the
system with the usual dropouts, zombie connections, feedback issues and
equipment variations making it so that some people are heard more clearly than
others.

But as a measure for connecting without physical presence it's a godsend, and
a group chat can be less structured than a meeting or phone call. Set a rough
starting time, let people hang out in the room, and things happen. Not the
same things that happen in person, but it's enough.

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greggman3
I used to love phone calls and called my friends all the time, pre 2000. Since
then moved to Japan (so for a while no one to call) and texting or messaging
became more expected. I now make probably less than a call a month. I miss the
conversation and connection. When I do call I usually message first "Ok to
call?"

On the other hand I went back to the USA for 2 weeks recently and within the
first 15 minutes of installing my USA sim I got a robocall. I continued to get
several a day the entire 2 weeks I was there. Never gotten a robocall in
Japan.

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acd
I bought an simple mobile phone to make more phone calls. It works when I use
that device since texting is harder and takes time its easier to call.

~~~
canofbars
So you just offload the annoyance to the other person who has to drop what
they are doing to answer your call

~~~
acd
You can make the other person happy by calling them. Its oneself who may think
its disturbing for the other. I am sure most people have slack messages coming
all the time and that is not disturbing. One can in the same manner answering
phone calls, if one do not have time to talk one can say that you are busy.

