
Ventilen, a Danish organization to address loneliness in young people - rohmanhakim
https://qz.com/1591563/the-danish-have-designed-a-simple-way-to-cope-with-loneliness/
======
estsauver
Recently, there was a HN post about how volunteering was found to be the best
overall solution for depression in young adults. I'm not particularly
depressed, but I do live in a foreign country that, while incredibly friendly
to expats, is notoriously difficult to make friends in. I started volunteering
at a local organization that teaches refugees how to code, and I just have to
say that it's been incredibly rewarding already. I've only been to two of
their events but the sense of community that you get there is really
overwhelming.

The funny thing about this is the work isn't very different from what I'd be
doing on a day to day. Code reviews and a little bit of teaching. It's not
that I feel I'm doing an especially large amount of good, I think my day-job
definitely outpaces the volunteering in terms of net good done in the world.
But there is something about community that's incredibly powerful.

~~~
shusson
Are you volunteering at
[https://www.hackyourfuture.net](https://www.hackyourfuture.net) by any
chance?

~~~
estsauver
Yah! They're really nice folks.

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pencillr
This is a big problem in modern society especially for young adults. We're not
meant for this. I know it's a bit "Hararish" to look it this way but really:
"Yesterday" we were just living in small tribes together and being lonely was
hard to imagine. Now you can end up having everyone you call a 'friend' on the
other side of some screen and end up totally friendless in your 20's.

~~~
Razengan
What exacerbates it is that modern venues for finding someone to connect with,
are all heavily controlled and/or monetized.

Services like OKCupid actually actively hinder relevant matches unless you pay
them and keep paying them. Places like Reddit are hit and miss, heavily
dependent on the time you post, and you not only have to risk your privacy to
find good matches, you have to gain the approval of everyone else who could
remove your post from visibility.

I miss IRC, but of course even that was far from perfect, and had its own
risks.

This isn't just about dating, but finding friends with similar interests at
all.

With 8 billion people on the planet and all the connectivity, you'd think this
would be easier for everyone by now.

~~~
dijit
For some of us IRC never went away. It’s my primary social outlet, and I’m
closing in on 30.

Maybe I’m a bit special as I moved countries a fair bit in my 20s, and making
friends in adulthood is difficult.

Shameless plug; if you want to join us (we are roughly 400 people) then the
network is ircs://irc.drk.sc:6697/#darkscience

~~~
zx321
Please be careful! Posting links to these kind of small communities on much
larger ones has a way of diluting what makes them so great in the first place
- or at least severely irritating the regulars.

~~~
pault
One of the saving graces of IRC is that the technical barriers to using it
(compared to discord, etc) are high enough to keep out the riff raff.

~~~
dijit
As much as I love IRC, and as much truth as there is here. I can’t help but
feel it’s quite elitist to put it this way.

~~~
pault
If it's elitist to want your favorite communities to stay focused and full of
friendly, like-minded people, then I'm an elitist.

------
helloindia
<<\-- She developed chronic pain because she did not move enough. “I didn’t
want to leave my home because I didn’t need to, and everyone was very busy.”
-->>

As a loner, I avoid this by making sure I walk 10,000 steps a day. I go for
walk in a nearby park, morning and evening, each 45 minutes. I also use this
time, to catch up on music, podcast or anything I can listen to.

~~~
Razengan
> _As a loner, I avoid this by making sure I walk 10,000 steps a day._

Can't recommend this enough, though you need to be in a "walkable" enough
city. It's one of the best breaks you can take especially if you sit at a desk
most of the day.

I love discovering urban nooks and crannies that I would miss if I took a car
or train. The Apple Watch or any other tracker that can map your route etc.
can help with that a lot.

~~~
ggg2
what do you mean walkable city? a walkable city you do 10k steps without even
noticing! a US city that is not NY or boston in summer you have to drive to a
park/beach like you would to a gym, do your steps and drive back home.

------
jmartinpetersen

      Ventilen, or “friend to one” in Danish, 
    

That's an unusual translation. A more obvious would be "valve" or just "vent".

\- Edit after coffee: "Ven til en" actually means "friend of one". Amazing how
faulty pattern recognition can lead you astray.

~~~
Svip
I think a more appropriate translation would be 'friend for one', as it can be
read as an offer. »Ven til en« is obviously an unusual way of phrasing it, but
replace »ven« with any commodity you can purchase, then it sounds more like an
offer (a free one, that is).

That being said, 'friend of one' is definitely an accurate translation as
well. And 'friend to one' is just the literal translation. I wonder how they
pronounce it, »ven til en« or »ventilen«.

~~~
jacobush
Ok I'm Swedish, but my reading is "friend of someone" combined with "friend of
you". It's hard to explain but it holds these 2 meanings very closely.

Plus the pun of "valve" in the same word, which is also fitting, for letting
out steam.

Besides it sounds great in English. Sounds like a new expensive drug. Imagine
the TV commercial: "Contact your doctor to learn if Ventilen is for you. May
cause hair loss, liver failure and bla bla bla. "

~~~
ggg2
but do you still think of "friend to one/you/someone" when it is spoken
"ventilen" as one word?

~~~
jacobush
No. Then it’s just ”the valve”.

------
Razengan
Love countries who acknowledge and at least attempt to tackle such issues.

~~~
LeonidasXIV
Denmark is somewhat more extreme in that regard because people often retain
their friendships from primary school or kindergarten so social circles are
very difficult to enter for latecomers e.g. if you have moved cities within
the country or came from abroad.

Of course, not universally true but it is pretty common and the woman in the
article does mention moving cities.

------
scirocco
This highlights why golf is such a great sport. Four hours of emotional
rollercoaster spent in nature your friends (or other members at your club you
just happen to go the round with).

------
mapcars
Loneliness is based on a feeling of disconnectedness, but what are you
disconnected from? Please see you cannot be alive and disconnected, you are
always connected to the rest of the universe.

Does it mean you always have people you are comfortable with who are saying
nice things to you? No, everyone has it's own life, views, interests and it's
entirely possible no one around you shares yours. So what, people are
different.

I think society puts too much stress on it that everyone has to have a bunch
of friends, fellows, do birthday parties, shopping and whatever is fashionable
in that place. And people who don't have it at some point in life get
stressed.

On the other hand, being alone means guess what? Freedom - you don't have to
belong anymore, you don't have to share opinions or views, you don't have to
fit someone's "standards". You can go and do what you want without having to
share time and energy with others. It's a great thing many glorify, talk about
and complain about not having it. But if they get it most people freak out and
turn the possibility into a problem.

In other words, if one finds himself in this position it's a personal choice
to be free or be lonely.

------
walshemj
Interesting the Carnegie foundation did something similar in the UK around
1941 and set up 18 Plus after they did a study called "Disinherited Youth".

And there is "our" competitor Rotaract the youth arm of Rotory - they tend a
bit more to charity though.

------
vmarius
It is better than nothing, but is not scalable. We at _nothing_here_ building
a tool which will help fight loneliness online. (I have removed the link, not
really trying to sell anything to anyone)

~~~
zwaps
Good on you, but i think chat apps are not the solution.

For physical and mental health, we need real face to face connections, in
person and not online. Young people use many chat apps and even topic based
groups and sites, set depression and health problems keep increasing.

The more we are in front of a screen, the harder it is to actually be with
others. And this is what we need as humans.

~~~
matz1
Don't you think human evolve and modern human might evolve to not need or need
less face to face connection anymore for physical and mental health.

~~~
zwaps
Evolution probably would take a long time, longer then the internet has
existed

------
Copenjin
It's nice to see someone trying to tackle these kind of problems. Hard to fix,
possible to somewhat improve.

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cybersnowflake
loneliness is a much bigger problem for older people. why not start there?

~~~
tokai
Well you are wrong. People between 65-79 years are the least lonely cohort in
Denmark. People over 85 are as lonely as the 19 to 29 year olds.[0]

[0] [https://www.maryfonden.dk/da/presse-ensom-
befolkning](https://www.maryfonden.dk/da/presse-ensom-befolkning)

~~~
pault
Maybe GP means older as middle aged. I'm 40, moved countries four times in the
last ten years, and after moving back to the US three years ago I haven't made
a single friend. Since I was able to make many friends elsewhere I place some
of the blame on American culture, but a lot of it is simply that people over
35 are settled in their ways and don't go out much.

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ikeyany
It sounds like they're tackling isolation, not loneliness. There is a vital
distinction between the two.

~~~
vermarish
For clarification, I assume the opposite of isolation would be connectedness?
And what would be the opposite of loneliness?

~~~
AstralStorm
Friendship or more.

Of which not being isolated is an important component, necessary but not
sufficient.

