

Advice to advisers: Stop being so nice. - jaf12duke
http://www.humbledmba.com/advice-to-advisers-stop-being-so-nice

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jseliger
This post reminds me of a favorite passage from _Lord of the Rings_ , when
Frodo is debating whether he should wait for Gandalf in the Shire, or press
on:

 _“… The choice is yours: to go or wait.” [Gildor said.] “And it is also
said,” answered Frodo, “Go not to the Elves for counsel, for they will say
both no and yes.”

“Is it indeed?” laughed Gildor. “Elves seldom give unguarded advice, for
advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses
may run ill. But what would you? You have not told me all concerning yourself;
how should I choose better than you? But if you demand advice, I will for
friendship's sake give it.”_

The problem is, most of your advisers probably didn't know and, more
importantly, couldn't know if the IBM sale would pan out. If they said stop,
and you did, and failed anyway, what if they felt bad at whether the IBM sale
might've worked?

The world is big and unpredictable and replete with stories of people advising
others that something can't be done or shouldn't be done that way, only to
have the advisees ignore the advisers and do great things. Hell, see this
post: [http://matt-welsh.blogspot.com/2009/02/how-i-almost-
killed-f...](http://matt-welsh.blogspot.com/2009/02/how-i-almost-killed-
facebook.html) for an example of well-meaning advice that, if taken would've
been wrong.

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vsl2
It took me a while to understand the full benefit of people's criticism. My
team's initial idea was a to build a mobile product that essentially focused
on everything and added a ton of features, thinking that we'd get users from
being so ubiquitous and awesome. After hearing the same "you're not focused",
"how can you get users" criticism from many in the industry (including
multiple YC partners), I finally got it through my head that maybe I couldn't
impose my naive vision on the world just because I believed it was powerful.

However, its just as important to never stop thinking about your world-
domination vision. I'm sure every one of the most successful tech companies in
the world has heard all of the same criticism from well-meaning advisers along
the way. Start with a focused smart plan, execute it well, and don't lose
sight of the ultimate destination (which may change along the way too as you
learn more).

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wccrawford
"I now ask better questions of my advisors and explicitly welcome their
roughest criticisms. I gravitate towards those advisers that rip into me with
skepticism and challenging questions. "

Just as you used to do, most people do not listen when criticized harshly.

You can try to blame your advisers for not telling you to avoid IBM, but in
the end, it's still your fault and not theirs. In fact, they probably tried to
tell you that, but you didn't want to hear negatives.

It's good that you can hear them now, but that still doesn't help most other
people, and those advisors still have to deal with those people.

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gamble
The reason people don't typically act this way is that anyone who tries to
give honest advice quickly realizes than in 90% of cases, the person seeking
advice doesn't want to be challenged. _Especially_ budding entrepreneurs, who
are often precariously balanced between wild optimism and despair. It's very
hard to stay positive when someone points out that your baby isn't _quite_ as
beautiful as you imagine.

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kb101
This guy is being way too hard on himself. Running out of cash is hard and
painful enough, no need to unduly heap blame upon oneself. If people at IBM
were talking to him about a deal, then they weren't doing it to coddle his
startup or be nice... trust me, if people aren't interested they won't be shy
about saying no. I think he got caught out by the slow-moving bureaucracy of a
big firm... too bad for them, their loss. As for IBM being a stalwart of the
tech industry not needing help from a brash young startup, isn't that exactly
how Microsoft got its first big contract?

This wasn't a case of needing harsher advice (too many people are addicted to
self-flagellation, as if crushing your own dreams was a sign of maturity) but
a case where a fledgling company took a big risk. Risks are risks, there's no
way to to apportion blame or change course in hindsight. This just as easily
could have been a post thanking his many mentors for their sound advice and
encouragement that saw him through to getting his first big sale to IBM. Just
because the other party in a negotiation is a big corporation that lumbers
along and takes forever to make up its mind, there's no need to berate oneself
for not having tried harder or seen x,y,z in retrospect. I say good on him for
having gone balls to the wall to bring his vision to life, and good luck with
his current venture. But the lesson here is not about advisers, in my view, it
is about caution when dealing with massive organizations.

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twelvedigits
I don't know who your advisers were, but there's an alarming trend in
tech/startups right now where anyone associated with a startup becomes
classified as a mentor. Some of the accelerator programs sprouting up have
some very speculative names as "mentors" -- people who just seem to have a few
years of experience, perhaps mid-level experience, who haven't built their own
company, haven't led their own go-to-market strategy, and whose advice on
product is no better than you'd get on any forum.

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swombat
I'm not sure how this matches up with your previous article,
<http://www.humbledmba.com/dont-give-bullshit-advice> , that made the point:
"Don't tell an entrepreneur whether you think his idea will work. You don't
know. You have absolutely no idea."

Either you give advice about what doesn't work, or you don't... you can't do
both.

~~~
gamble
I'm not sure they conflict. The post you linked is about keeping an open mind
and offering advice on specifics, instead of just shutting someone down
because you think their idea isn't viable.

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SamHo
As an advisor (on the giving side) and an entrepreneur (on the receiving side)
I totally agree with this.

It's tough because people are nice, but as an entrepreneur, I learn the most
from the negative advice I have gotten from mentors (I've been ripped apart
many times).

So now, when I give advice, I give my true honest opinion if I don't think
their idea will work. I just preface with it saying, look, this is only one
opinion, and not to take it personally.

And when I get ripped into, I always listen and ask questions, but I don't
necessarily let it discourage me.

I think you can always tell by people's expressions if they are holding back.
If you think they are, you should ask them: "It seems like you have some
reservations about this, what are some of the risks you see?"

With that, you'll be able to get more insight, and you just have to remember
that there's tons of risk, it's just up to you to decide how risky each
situation is (and how to mitigate that risk).

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amandalim89
I totally agree. Advisers should be more like Asian parents. "Western" parents
(much like "Western" advisers) start with the premisse that their children's
self-esteem is fragile and therefore constantly try to reassure their children
about how good they are. While Asian parents start with the premisse that
their children's self-esteem will build up with improving performance hence
are consistently critical and pushing their kids to improve. here's a link to
different parenting styles - [http://proto-
knowledge.blogspot.com/2011/01/asian-vs-western...](http://proto-
knowledge.blogspot.com/2011/01/asian-vs-western-parenting-styles-and.html). I
think advisers might learn a thing or two about "parenting" startups from it

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venturementors
I believe honesty is absolutely essential for a good mentoring relationship.
But it's sometimes counterproductive to be too blunt or too harsh. One way
mentors can help the entrepreneur without coming across as negative or
critical is to ONLY ASK QUESTIONS. Don't give advice. Don't lecture. Just ask
a series of good questions. More often than not, while answering one of those
questions the entrepreneur will have an aha moment on their own. Good
questions from a trusted mentor have provided many a helpful knock-up-side-
the-head for me -- without things getting adversarial or emotional.

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ohashi
I've actually found it's quite hard to get negative feedback from most people.
I've literally heard one person shush another person who was trying to say
something negative about what I was building - when that was the exact
feedback I really wanted. I bet if I looked closely and in retrospect I could
figure out what people didn't like after it fails, but that doesn't help me
now, I wish people were more direct and honest.

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sc68cal
I might be foolish, but being able to say that you were in intense
negotiations to have IBM acquire your app is still a HUGE deal.

Even if it was not successful, it is a great story and demonstrates great
potential. Congrats on your failure!

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mbesto
I always ask people "what's wrong?" and "tell me what sucks about it?" or "why
won't you use it?". Positive feedback rarely spawns growth. Criticism and
negative feedback is PURE GOLD.

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bradybd
As an advisor, this is tough advice to follow, but if you don't, you aren't
provided real value.

