

Why 'hooking up' has become so prevalent on campus - RyanMcGreal
http://www.thestar.com/living/article/807338--why-hooking-up-has-become-so-prevalent-on-campus

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char
I'm not sure I entirely agree with the 'pluralistic ignorance' theory. From my
experience, hooking up seems to be a natural act after two people have been
drinking and are attracted to one another. It's actually a really efficient
way to figure out if you're into someone. You get a little drunk, hang out and
socialize for a while, and then make out (or possibly more). Inhibitions are
lowered, which means you tend to display a few more layers of your personality
than normal, allowing people to 'get to know' each other quickly. Of course
this could also lead to disaster, but the good news is that there are many
more people out there to experiment with.

People out of college hook up also, so this seems to be the new way people get
to know each other and decide if they want a relationship. It certainly is not
unique to the under 21 crowd.

~~~
dunstad
>>"...you tend to display a few more layers of your personality..."

And perhaps your physical self as well.

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tome
Pluralistic ignorance is a fascinating concept:

"It has ... been named a reason for the illusionary popular support that kept
the communist regime in the Soviet Union, as many opposed the regime but
assumed that others were supporters of it. Thus, most people were afraid to
voice their opposition"

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pluralistic_ignorance>

~~~
RyanMcGreal
I stumbled across the opposite phenomenon - _shared awareness_ \- in my
efforts to manage comment trolls.

[http://quandyfactory.com/blog/54/shared_awareness_a_better_w...](http://quandyfactory.com/blog/54/shared_awareness_a_better_way_to_manage_comment_trolls)

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milkshakes
In my experience, hooking up and dating aren't mutually exclusive -- hooking
up _is_ the new dating. Both of the serious relationships I've been in started
as "hooking up", progressed to steady "fuck buddies", then eventually
developed into a holding-hands-in-public relationship.

~~~
pw0ncakes
I would never date someone who was someone else's "fuck buddy". It's just a
gross and depressing concept.

~~~
milkshakes
Sorry, let me define my terms. By "fuck buddy", I mean a girl whom I am
neither monogamous with nor emotionally anchored to. We find each other fun,
and love fooling around, but we are not in "a relationship" -- among other
things, no public affection, and definitely no "I love you".

~~~
pw0ncakes
Right, I know. I wouldn't date a woman who entered into a non-monogamous
sexual relationship.

~~~
chc
And some people wouldn't date a woman who isn't
Catholic/Jewish/Hindu/whatever. You're within your rights to choose whom you
date, but it doesn't really reflect anything about the people you're refusing
as much as about yourself. How is your personal unwillingness to date such
women interesting or relevant?

~~~
pw0ncakes
_And some people wouldn't date a woman who isn't
Catholic/Jewish/Hindu/whatever. You're within your rights to choose whom you
date, but it doesn't really reflect anything about the people you're refusing
as much as about yourself._

I didn't say it does.

Having a one-night-stand is stupid. Does it make someone a whore who should be
ostracized? No. Is it a behavior that, in my estimation, a rational person
would be ashamed of? Yes. Is it worse than the worst or stupidest thing I've
done? Probably not.

~~~
exit
> _Is it a behavior that, in my estimation, a rational person would be ashamed
> of? Yes._

please provide a rational derivation of this shame.

------
jseliger
The issue of pluralistic ignorance doesn't address the relatively large
changes that relatively small changes in gender imbalance can have on norms.
For more on this, see Tim Harford's _The Logic of Life_ and in particular his
chapter on "The Marriage Supermarket."

In any event, I wrote an essay about modern sexual culture in response to "The
New Dating Game" in the Weekly Standard: [http://jseliger.com/2010/05/05/the-
weekly-standard-on-the-ne...](http://jseliger.com/2010/05/05/the-weekly-
standard-on-the-new-old-dating-game-hooking-up-daughter-guarding-and-much-
much-more) . Birth control and contraceptive availability has lowered the cost
of sex for women; there are more women than men on college campuses; men as a
group have a higher preference for hooking up than women; people tend to feel
like others have been pre-selected on college campuses, as Kathleen Bogle
argues in her book _Hooking Up_ , which is a sociological study on the issue.
Taken together, these technological and social trends lead toward hooking up.

Pluralistic ignorance might play a small part but is hardly the dominant
factor. And the study relies on the notoriously unreliable self-reporting
feature: people might report they want a relationship, until it's late, and
they've been drinking, and they spy an attractive stranger, and so on. Dan
Ariely talks about the difference between our "cold" selves and "hot" selves
in the chapter "The Influence of Arousal" from _Predictably Irrational_ ,
which is another recommended book.

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barmstrong
Their explanation that college students are conformists or that it's
rationalized because "everyone else is doing it" seems strange.

I always assumed it was much simpler than that: although you'd prefer to be in
a relationship with someone you are absolutely crazy about, this isn't always
possible. So in the absence of that people like to drink and hookup. Hardly
newsworthy.

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simon_
On the other hand, Match.com, OKCupid, etc. have created a kind of formal
dating renaissance.

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muhfuhkuh
Or, as Richard Pryor so astutely put it, "Coming is a lot of fun."

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msie
Damn, I should have just followed the herd and drank more in college, but
nooooooooo....

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mburney
Hooking up is more efficient for time management.

~~~
rradu
And if you don't have time to go out and look for hookups, of course there's
always a startup to help you out - <http://goodcrush.com>

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pw0ncakes
Because suburban isolation, widespread tolerance of social alcohol dependence,
a crass consumer culture, and widening wealth inequalities (leading to social
class anxiety) have bred a generation of social retards who can't muster up
the courage to do things properly.

[Edit: As acerbic and judgmental as this comment sounds, I admit freely that I
was one of those social retards at ages 17-20, although I didn't hook up--
little interest and even less ability.]

