
Ask HN: What's the best way to handle rejections? - armini
In classic HN spirit, does anyone have a optimal method, theory or formula for knowing when review your strategy?
This would be applicable in many forms of day to day life, weather its business, asking for pay-rise or even seeking your potential partner.<p>- how many times should you pitch before you give up or look at changing your proposition?
- how do you know if the problem is your proposition or the total concept?<p>I&#x27;m sure there&#x27;s a correlation between the number of times you do something &amp; at which point you start to get rewards for your effort. I just wanted to know if there was a more educated way of going about it rather than constantly guessing.
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11thEarlOfMar
Rejections should teach you something.

I think of it like the sculptor: Rejections should be like the process of
removing all the material that is not part of what you are sculpting. Each
rejection should chisel another chunk off.

If it seems like it's been a while since you learned something from a
rejection it's time to review.

Even after refining to the point of having a finished sculpture, you still
need to consider the possibility that you've got something good, but simply
haven't pitched to the right person yet. Look for comments like, 'that's a
really compelling|interesting|novel|worthy idea, but it's not what we get
involved in'. In those cases, ask for referrals to people they think might be
interested.

The point to cease then, would be when you're not learning anything new, and
you're not getting references to someone who might be interested.

Each of the examples you listed would have a different protocol. If you get a
no when asking for a raise, or pitching investors, you should be able to get
an explanation for why. But if you get rejected asking for a date, you'll
likely not get a reason you can use. So some intuition is always going to be
required.

~~~
armini
Thanks 11thEarlOfMar, I liked your point about learning, it's defiantly a good
indicator..

What about cases that you get no response? For example I've sent an email or
attempted to followup but there's no way for me to get real feedback other
than knowing they clicked on the link or they opened the email because they
simply don't reply or answer.

It's like going finishing & you know there's fish because they bite but you
never manage to hook them. It's so frustrating even though I've changed rods,
hooks & bait.

The irony is that you start to second guess as to why you sensed the bite. Was
it a false positive? How many could be false positives?

~~~
thefastlane
there will be (many) times when, for your own emotional/mental sanity, you
have to let go of attempting to comprehend someone else's behavior, and just
get on with your life.

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bsvalley
Do you know Jack Ma? His current net worth is 28.8 billion USD. Before he
became successful he applied at 30 jobs when he was looking for work and was
rejected from all of them, including a job at KFC where 24 people applied and
they hired everyone but him. He wrote to Harvard for a total of 10 times and
was knocked back every single time.

Goals + perseverance + time = your magic formula.

~~~
ainogate
Do you think Environment has anything to do with it?

~~~
armini
It's probably the right balance of nature & nurture that comes into play. The
only thing to note is that both those learnings happen subconsciously but the
real masters seem to be making the right decisions consciously which leads me
to think that they tend to have overwhelming self discipline & self awareness.

------
lowglow
I optimize along the way. Each experience is a chance to look at what worked
and what didn't work.

Eventually you'll break in a very interesting way. The rejections will just
stop stinging, and they just become another part of the journey to your goal.

Your number one rule as an entrepreneur is finding your true believers.

~~~
armini
thanks lowglow, What do you do when you don't have a feedback loop. Let's say
that I've sent 10 emails all personalized with a tailored message &
propositions. I've tracked them & all recipient have open the email. Not one
person has replied but I can see that they all looked & considered my offer
because they clicked on the link.

At this point, I don't know if it's working or if it's failing. Do I stop &
pivot because I didn't get a response or should I peruse to try and get a
response from the previous 10 before moving along.

~~~
lowglow
Here's the secret to sales: Keep it simple, relevant, and keep the
conversation going by ending everything with a question that leads down the
funnel.

If you're doing that then you have to investigate where down the funnel you
might be failing. If they're opening your email but not engaging, then the
body of the email:

1\. Doesn't give a clear CTA

2\. Makes the reader feel they're not your demographic

3\. Just feels spammy

4\. Is overly verbose.

Another tip is NEVER try and close right away. I usually begin with a leading
question about them/their service, then hint about what I'm doing and ask how
they're currently doing something similar, and then propose alternatives.

Unless your product is something they don't already have but need, you're
competing with activation energy to switch. That's hard. I guess it depends on
what you're trying to accomplish.

In the end remember:

1\. That business is a relationship, and a relationship is built on trust.

2\. Trust is earned.

3\. People want to feel like people.

~~~
lowglow
I see I've been downvoted to -1, if you disagree with my advice let me know
why you disagree.

The advice I've offered is gained through my personal experience, if you've
learned a different approach please share it and help the entire community. :)

~~~
carbonrod
I enjoyed your advice and on the whole rarely vote for anything on HN, but
there's is a certain irony in you not handling this rejection well.

Have confidence that you said what you think, there's nothing wrong with it.

Voting systems feed on ego and self-worth. And I lost respect for your
original comment after seeing the reply.

~~~
lowglow
Oh, I'm not asking for votes, I'm asking for optimizations. If someone sees a
flaw, or knows some better techniques gained through experiences that are
counter to my own, they should share them. We'd all like to know. :)

Otherwise I was wondering if it was just bot activity, which is why I sent a
call out for human engagement! :^)

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veritas213
change your approach.

Every rejection gets your closer to a yes. Learn from your mistakes (if any),
optimize and try again with the expectation of getting a yes.

I know its hard but try to be more robotic and take emotion out of it as much
as you can.

Lastly, know your audience. Cant use the same pitch with every person.

~~~
deepaksurti
And if you are learning from mistakes and trying again after fixing those
mistakes, then also firmly believe, "If what I wish doest not happen, then
something better is going to happen" to psychologically better your odds!

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JSeymourATL
> how do you know if the problem is your proposition or the total concept?

No pitch or message is going to get to the logic center of the other person’s
brain without passing through the survival filters of the crocodile brain
system first. And because of the way we evolved, those filters make pitching
anything extremely difficult.

ON this subject, Oren Klaff is brilliant >
[https://audioboom.com/posts/2273663-oren-klaff-pitch-
anythin...](https://audioboom.com/posts/2273663-oren-klaff-pitch-anything)

------
armini
I think this is a huge problem for people who struggle to find their purpose
or place in society. Considering that in the last 45 years suicide rates have
increased by 60% worldwide. Suicide is now among the three leading causes of
death among those aged 15-44 (male and female). Suicide attempts are up to 20
times more frequent than completed suicides. As a society we really need a
better way to teach & handle rejections.

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danieltillett
Rejection is easy to handle in comparison to self-inflicted fuck-ups. I still
think about some of the big mistakes I made years ago, while I am hard pressed
to remember the rejections I got yesterday.

Every rejection is finding one way that doesn't work. Get enough and you will
end up succeeding through a process of elimination.

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anonmous
The best way is to be happy. Your situation will change given time, the road
is often a bumpy one.

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LifeQuestioner
cant we just decompile their android app and have a look?

