

Ask HN: How much time did you take off after the birth of your child? - secretagent

I'm trying to decide how much time I should take off for the birth of my first child.  I'd like to know other's experience in this matter.
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squidbot
My advice is based on the assumption that you are not having the child
yourself and you'll have parents/in-laws/family visiting for a period of time
to help out.

\- Take up to a week as soon as the baby is born. You'll need time to
recuperate from the delivery and get used to having the baby in the house.
You'll find however, the first few weeks are easier than you expect: You have
family around to help out and for the first few weeks, newborns sleep more and
fuss much less than they will in about 3 weeks to a month.

\- Save the rest of your time off for when your family leaves. This is the
best advice I can give any soon to be parent. Firstly, with the family gone,
you'll have to deal with the baby on your own for the first time, and it
becomes much more of an ordeal with only two people (and one of those people
still recovering from delivery.) Secondly, in a cruel trick of nature,
typically around the time your family leaves you alone, the baby starts to
become much more active and goes for shorter periods between feeding. Unless
you are really lucky (your baby sleeps for longer than 2-3 hours or the mom
agrees to do all night work and you're able to sleep through it) you will not
be getting very much sleep, and it will take some time to get used to being so
sleep deprived.

It may sound like strange advice, but you're far better off taking the lions
share of the time off a month after the baby comes. The mom will appreciate
the support you'll be able to give in the most difficult period of new
parenthood. If you take all the time off up front it will probably wind up
harder on your family.

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bartonfink
Hey, secretagent -

I'm planning on taking two weeks off for my first child, although they will be
staggered. My boss is actually expecting in March so he was very understanding
about this - your mileage may vary. I'm taking a week after the birth in mid-
May, and then another week in June for a trip to see parents and friends from
back home.

When are you due?

~~~
secretagent
I'd rather not give away any clues about my identity since most of my co-
workers read Hacker News. I'm just trying to get gauge how others have handled
this.

~~~
bartonfink
Okay, that makes sense. I was just curious because the more time you have up
front, the easier it's going to be to get the time off without unnecessary
friction. Hypothetically, if I were a manager and one of my reports told me
"hey, I'm having a baby next Tuesday - can I have two weeks off?" I'd be
pretty teed off. I left my last job partly due to a lack of understanding over
what my wife's pregnancy meant for my ability to work the same hours as the
rest of the team (I was the only one with a kid and nobody understood why it's
important for me to go to OB/GYN appointments). Don't put yourself in that
situation.

Tell your boss early and remind him/her often that there is a baby on the way
and you're going to need this time off. The only way you can screw this up is
by springing a huge surprise on your boss like the hypothetical above.

Good luck and congratulations on the baby!

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Rhodee
I take it you work in an industry that is highly competitive. In my experience
two weeks straight (ten work days with remote log-in for meetings) is
standard.

It really depends on if the expectant mom has family in the neighborhood or
willing to spend time. The first six weeks are really, really tough for
everyone (baby included). Good luck, sleep when the baby sleeps and practice
wrapping burritos. Trust me. You will need this experience when it comes time
to wrap the little person in swaddling cloth.

------
us
None, still working like a horse

