
Ask HN: Boss/Founder keeping my departure a secret. What to do? - mosburger
I work for a small startup based in Cambridge, MA. A little over two weeks ago, I have my notice that I had found a new job and was leaving the company. The founder asked that I not tell the team yet because he wanted to decide how to break it to them - he was worried about how it&#x27;d impact morale and wanted to make sure it was handled well. I thought that this meant he&#x27;d share it with the team the following week.<p>Today is my last day, and he still hasn&#x27;t told the team. Last last night, he pinged me in a DM on Slack and asked me not to tell anyone today. He wants to wait until next week, and he will tell the team himself. He also asked me to remove a line from my status report saying that I had left one particular project &quot;wrapped up and ready to integrate with the main product.&quot;<p>Right now I&#x27;m worried. I wonder if he plans on telling the team that I was let go, rather than me giving notice and leaving amicably for a new opportunity. The fact that he wants me to update the status report feels like he wants no trace of the fact that I knew I was leaving.<p>I really want to leave on good terms. The founder is a good contact to have and I don&#x27;t want to burn any bridges. Up until now we&#x27;ve had a great working relationship and he&#x27;s frequently praised me and my work. I&#x27;m not sure at this point what I should do. Any suggestions?
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lkiss80
I think that transparency is key here. He hasn't been transparent with you
about his announcement plans, or with the team about you leaving. I recommend
being honest with him and the team. Tell him that you'll be announcing your
departure to the team today. You could even say that you want to announce it
together with him. If he doesn't want to be there, then that's fine too. But
it's normal to want to say goodbye, grab lunch / drinks together, or whatever
when leaving a job. He doesn't need to be prescriptive about this. I've had
people leave my startup, and I've had to fire people. I am telling you right
now, it's so much better for morale if someone leaves, then gets fired. It
sounds like this guy is taking it personally and is worried his reputation of
having someone on his team leave. Sounds like you're making a good move, by
moving on.

Again, I would just be honest about your intentions and then deliver the news
to everyone.

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mosburger
Thanks. I agree with you on all points. Another factor making this is a little
weird is that I'm a remote employee, so I won't be "going away" w/ drinks or
luncheon or whatever like most employees do. But yeah, this whole episode
sorta confirms that I'm making the right decision. :-/

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davismwfl
A little different take then some here. Many founders I have worked with over
the years are paranoid that a leaving employee/contractor will steal other
employees or others will ask them where they are going and it becomes a
distraction etc. So they get really nervous and try to control the situation,
in the end it will always backfire on them. IMO, it isn't that the founders
are bad people, but they are intently paranoid of anything that can disrupt
their team, company etc. What most don't seem to realize is many times it is
their own behavior causing the issue, not yours or anyone else. A
good/experienced founder would have announced your leaving early on and been
open with the team etc, many times I have seen them take credit in a small way
saying what you learned there probably made you more valuable (which isn't
untrue many times).

My 2 cents, tell a couple of people you like/trust at the company that you are
leaving and that you would have told them sooner but that you were respecting
the wishes of the founder. They will get it, and if they all know this founder
will probably be able to see it. Like you said in other comments, no reason to
bad mouth or disparage the situation or Founder, just make it clear you are
leaving, as that is important to you.

Also, use Social Media as a benefit here. I am sure if you use LinkedIn for
example, a number of your fellow employees are on LinkedIn, update your
profile to show you are moving on. They will see it and reach out to you,
either today or sometime soon. If they aren't on your connections list, send
them connection requests so they can see your profile update etc. Just your
connection request will likely trigger some interest.

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wrath
I would politely insist that an email be sent out by the founder about your
departure before the end of day. That way you get a chance of talking to your
co-workers and explain the situation in your own words. To be clear, always be
polite and never talk disparagingly about the company and co-founder, but the
fact that you can't have a proper goodbye is a little strange. I've learned
that it's always better to rip off the band-aid as quickly as possible while
agreeing on an acceptable and honest message with the employee who is leaving.
Better late than never I guess, so I would ask for this first thing this
morning.

If it happens, send an email at the end of the day thanking everyone for the
time you had with them, the knowledge you gain and the fun you had. Give your
personal email and phone number in case there are any questions and/or someone
wants to keep in touch with you.

~~~
mosburger
I actually drafted my "goodbye email" yesterday. :) And it was nothing but
gracious and positive about the company and its potential, along with my
personal contact info. I have no intention of disparaging the company or
founder or anything - I'm more professional than that! ^_^

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mosburger
UPDATE: Let my boss politely know that I was uncomfortable w/ this
arrangement. He wasn't thrilled, but asked if he could address the team
himself so it wouldn't be a complete shock, and of course I agreed. Talking to
people discretely after (I'm a remote employee), it sounds like he didn't make
it very clear that I gave my notice weeks ago and that everything was above-
board on my end, so I told two trusted people what really went down in case it
matters but I probably won't tell anyone else. I'll be sending out a goodbye
message at the end of the day.

Thanks everyone for your help and suggestions!

~~~
joezydeco
The goodbye message is a superb idea, just so everyone knows how professional
you were during this period (even though your boss was not).

Just send it before your official termination period (if you specified one)
and not after. You should be completely off company resources once you are
gone. Include your personal email address in the farewell letter, but do _not_
check company email once you are out the door.

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beeboop
I would just tell my coworkers in private and say my farewells that way, but
specify to not spread it around because it was asked that I not for some
reason I don't understand. Your coworkers will spread it around themselves but
hopefully not get back to your boss. If it does, just say you only told one
person in confidence because of your personal relationship, and didn't intend
for it to spread.

This solution is good because if your boss tries to bullshit your team, like
say you were fired, they will know it's not true but they aren't going to try
to contradict your boss either.

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icedchai
Post a link to this in your Slack. They'll figure it out quick. ;)

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augb
It might be a good idea to discretely gather contact info for some of the team
members you trust. That way you will be able to let folks know privately
afterwards.

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JSeymourATL
> he was worried about how it'd impact morale and wanted to make sure it was
> handled well.

Suggest you and the Boss make a joint-announcement, right after lunch time,
group-huddle style.

Tell him you'll make him look good and assure everyone you'll be available to
assist in the transition.

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deskamess
I am probably overreacting but something seems odd and you seem to feel this
too (hence your post)... protect yourself with paper/email trail. If nothing
else your fellow employees should know what happened and that you did your
best to leave on good terms with sufficient notice. Hope you at least have an
email or two about when you informed your boss you are leaving.

In my opinion the boss has put himself in a corner by delaying the
announcement and its not like he can come out and say anything sensible at
this point without disparaging you.

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URSpider94
My recommendation (as someone who has worked and managed in both small start-
ups and large companies):

\-- Follow your boss' lead. It's his company. He has a sense for how he wants
to stage-manage it, and you should let him do that, as long as he is still
your boss and especially if you respect him and care about his opinion.

\-- For anyone whom you care about, make sure that you have their contact info
(if it's a small team, I presume you already know everyone's phone numbers, FB
logins, Twitter handles, etc). Reach out to them next week after you know he's
made the announcement and suggest getting together for a beer. If there's any
mis-information, you can set the story straight. If they're like, "dude, wtf,
why u just skip out?" then you can tell them that the boss asked you not to
disclose it.

\-- if the founder is going to bad-mouth you, there's nothing to stop him from
doing it the day after you leave anyway -- or he would have called the meeting
today, not invited you, and sent you home at lunchtime. So stop worrying about
something you can't control and roll with it.

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tcsnell
Are they asking you to sign a release or any other document as you depart? If
so, you could insist on a non-disparagement clause. If they want to wait until
after you leave to tell everyone, that's their business, but if they mislead
people as to the circumstances of your departure, that potentially injures
you.

~~~
mosburger
Nah, haven't been asked for that. But if I am, that's not a bad idea. Might be
a little late considering today is my last day. :/

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ramblerman
Ping back saying you are not comfortable with that. Which is the truth you
aren't.

Don't phrase it as a question either. You have played by his rules till the
very end, this last request is not reasonable.

Say goodbye to your colleagues.

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pouzy
Ask him the real reason why you still can't talk about it on the last day ?
The whole "it will make the team worry" isn't working anymore. Kind of sounds
like a dirty move, I'm afraid.

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cballard
If any of them read Hacker News, it seems that this will work itself out
shortly - you have employment/project history in your profile, so I bet they
could figure out that it's you.

~~~
mosburger
Yeah, I removed a lot from my profile but I knew that, without a throwaway, if
anyone really tried hard enough they could figure it out.

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swalsh
It's always great to get personal emails etc from your coworkers to keep in
touch. Explain, that this is important to you. There is no reasonable excuse
for him to stop you.

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toufique
You could talk to the founder today and say you'd like to say a proper goodbye
to your team before you leave. Ask what's the best way to do that in his mind.

~~~
mosburger
Yeah. That's what I'll likely end up doing. Just need to cool off a bit first.
:)

