

Things I Wish I Had Known Before We Got Married - jkuria
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/3-things-i-wish-i-knew-we-got-married

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michaelwww
How is a Christian biologist different from a biologist? Is "Christian
biologist" code for something?

~~~
sac2171
There is a large false dichotomy between science and religion, that
'Christian' biologist does give a large degree of more information.

~~~
michaelwww
False dichotomy? Science is based on verifiable facts and religion is based on
belief and faith. This is the place for a debate and I won't engage in one,
but I couldn't let that one go. Adding 'Christian' in front of biologist
doesn't extend the science in the least.

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jacques_chester
The main problem -- finding it difficult to live with a person -- is largely
ameliorated amongst couples for whom Scripture-with-a-capital-S and references
to Christian biologists (why does their faith matter?) is not part of the
ordinary discussion.

Because they shack up before getting married.

~~~
ars
What's the difference between "shacking up" and getting married? Other than a
piece of paper.

But I agree that getting married as young as possible is a good idea. (And I
don't care if you call it marriage, or living together - it's effectively the
same thing.)

And Scripture recommends getting married young BTW, so your distinction
doesn't exist.

People who get married later in life have a hard time adjusting to having
someone else in their life who needs to be their number one priority.

~~~
ahoyhere
Having both lived with people and married one, and being absolutely atheistic,
and someone who previously thought "it's just a piece of paper"... it's not,
and I was wrong. Being married is different.

There's also some reasons to believe that cohabitating before marriage (to the
same person) leads to higher rates of divorce:
[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-
downsid...](http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/15/opinion/sunday/the-downside-of-
cohabiting-before-marriage.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0)

What's different about it? I'm not 100% sure. But none of the guys I lived
with (for years) caused me the kind of angst that my husband did at first,
when I moved in with him and immediately got married a few weeks after.
(Prior, we didn't really live together before marriage except for weeks/months
at a time at the others' apartment, living in different countries.) I'd never
had a terrible "adjustment period" before, but did this time… and believe me,
on paper, previous boyfriends were way more annoying than my husband was, even
in those first few months. We got through it, obviously. I'm grateful for him
every day.

I'd always been a committed and faithful girlfriend to the others but it just
isn't the same as being married. Which surprised me as much as anyone.

Intellectual types underrate the importance of ceremony. I now believe that's
a mistake.

~~~
jacques_chester
> _There's also some reasons to believe that cohabitating before marriage (to
> the same person) leads to higher rates of divorce_

The problem with seeing this as a causal relationship from cohabitation to
divorce is that there's no control for religious belief.

The same religious beliefs and social structures that deter pre-marriage
cohabitation also create pressure not to divorce.

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ahoyhere
And I quote:

"...however, studies have shown that the effect is not entirely explained by
individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. Research
suggests that at least some of the risks may lie in cohabitation itself."

~~~
jacques_chester
TIL.

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pistacchioso
If you put your feelings on a spreadsheet and make charts out of it, you're
gonna be a bad husband.

~~~
geon
Your emotional life will not be somehow better or mere genuine by just letting
it roam free without any guidance. Introspection and self criticism is useful
to self improvments. I don't see how doing it systematically would be harmful.

