
Where do our sexual preferences come from and how flexible are they? - evo_9
https://www.npr.org/2019/04/04/709948132/a-very-offensive-rom-com
======
streptomycin
The part about the Asian woman trying to "decolonize" herself after realizing
she was only dating white guys was funny and sad. She wound up going on 6
dates - 5 with black guys and one with a half Asian half white guy.

People talk a lot about "white male privilege" and I think this is probably
the biggest example. As a white guy, I feel bad for my Asian male friends.
Some of the most racist things I've ever heard in my life came from Asian
women talking about Asian men. It must feel so shitty for those guys.

~~~
nautical
The statistics keep changing over the years ...

If you see [https://theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-
attraction-2009-2014-10...](https://theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-
attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060)

In 2014 :

\---------

Asian women preferred Asian men

White women preferred White men

Black Women preferred Black men

and Latino preferred Latino men

Where as in 2009

\---------

Asian women were preferring White men

but its interesting to see that Asian men almost always preferred Asian women

------
olivermarks
[https://youtu.be/2S0e-i117vY](https://youtu.be/2S0e-i117vY) Teen Vogue video

~~~
dopamean
I cant help but feel like if gender norms weren't so rigid and people were
allowed to express themselves however they feel comfortable without being
stigmatized and judged then you wouldn't have people say (imo) crazy things
like "my biology is the biology of a woman regardless of whether or not
doctors agree." That honestly just feels like an extreme (and ignorant, again,
imo) response to hatred and discrimination that people have experience in the
past.

"A trans woman's biology is a female biology" is just a statement I cannot
agree with at all. One of my best friends growing up was a guy I'll call Adam.
In high school Adam was an incredible athlete (he was a runner and swimmer)
and held a lot of county records and was the third fastest at the 400m hurdles
in the state. Adam came out as trans around his 21st birthday and now lives a
woman I'll call Alice. Alice is a trans woman. The idea that her biology is
that of a person born with two X chromosomes and a vagina is a little
ridiculous to me. I see Alice as a woman today because that's what she wants
and it doesn't make a difference to our friendship however I know Alice has a
penis and spent 90% of her life living as a boy/man. FWIW, she and I have
talked a lot about this and shares my views. In fact my views on the matter
are largely influenced by her perspective on it.

~~~
stcredzero
_I cant help but feel like if gender norms weren 't so rigid and people were
allowed to express themselves however they feel comfortable without being
stigmatized and judged then you wouldn't have people say (imo) crazy things
like "my biology is the biology of a woman regardless of whether or not
doctors agree."_

Funny thing, but back in the 80's, there was a kerfuffle in the LGBT community
on campus where I was going to school. (I lived in a house with some prominent
people in the group, including the campus president. We also deliberately
chose a gay man as our house adviser.) Many militant LGBT people were
basically bashing the bisexuals, calling them "fence sitters." Even going to
the level of yelling at them and coming up with an ideology of denying the
existence of bisexuals.

There were also a number of couples who got effectively harassed because the
man was declared by the crowd to be a "self denying" gay man and the woman was
similarly declared to be a "baby dyke." There was this ideology that this form
of attraction wasn't "real." Isn't society butting its nose into people's love
lives the problem in the first place? I say we just leave people alone and let
them work it out. Everyone should be "live and let live" as much as possible.
From what I've seen, this is by far the best policy.

Looking back on it all, those events were just another instance of angry teens
and 20-somethings running around acting as if they knew everything there is to
know about a big, complex subject. It's a big, complex subject we're all too
close to and therefore biased about.

(The problem in 2019, is that the hot blazing centers of our culture create
incentives for the exact opposite of the "live and let live" mentality.)

~~~
grawprog
>Isn't society butting its nose into people's love lives the problem in the
first place? I say we just leave people alone and let them work it out.
Everyone should be "live and let live" as much as possible. From what I've
seen, this is by far the best policy.

I agree so much with this and it's always how i've tried to be. I've never
really understood why people choose to make this their business. They don't
have to. They really don't. It's just never made sense to me why what two
other people choose to do together would be anything to do with me or why
people would expend so much energy worrying about it.

There's just never seemed like a good reason to waste time and energy,
judging, worrying, or even really thinking about what kind of people other
people are attracted to.

------
lenticular
Wow, I am very disappointed by many of the comments in this thread. I would
have thought that my fellow tech workers would be more rational and less
bigoted than this. I am also frankly amazed that HN allows these viewpoints be
spread. As a gay man, this makes this forum considerably less welcoming.
Consider if instead of anti-LGBT bias, it were racism instead.

HN has a very strict commenting policy, with arguments needing to be
substantiated, etc. Especially in light of that, the tolerance of posts that
are not only unsubstantiated and unscientific, but also discriminatory, is
bizarre.

~~~
krapp
>Consider if instead of anti-LGBT bias, it were racism instead.

Yeah, umm... plenty of "racial realists" and ethno-nationalists here too, and
incels, and anti-semites. Unfortunately, alt-right, anti-progressive and and
neoreactionary politics seem to have taken root in the tech community, and
that's becoming as much a part of tech culture as anarchism was for a previous
generation of hackers.

That said, I think this was actually one of the better threads HN has had on
this subject in a while.

>HN has a very strict commenting policy, with arguments needing to be
substantiated, etc.

It doesn't. All HN requires is that comments be civil, and not assume bad
faith. It's up to the community to call people out on their BS, but it's not
policy.

~~~
lenticular
>Yeah, umm... plenty of "racial realists" and ethno-nationalists here too, and
incels, and anti-semites.

I'm sure you're right, but I haven't read. Generally, bigots go for the whole
meal deal. Still, I notice that blatantly transphobia is tolerated to a far
greater degree than racism or homophobia. One at least has to put a bit of
effort into dog-whistling in those cases.

>It doesn't. All HN requires is that comments be civil, and not assume bad
faith. It's up to the community to call people out on their BS, but it's not
policy.

The "not assuming bad faith" thing, which applies broadly in our society, is
what allows this kind of barely-concealed dog-whistling to go on. Assuming
good faith is the proper default, but common sense should be applied.

------
senectus1
I don't get why people are so uptight about other peoples sexual preferences.
Surely we're past the whole "Aids is a gay disease" stage by now? I know that
was a big part of the uptight anti queer movement for a long time. Hell even
that term is really self defeating. (Queer)

Who I am attracted to is about what I personally like. It has nothing to do
with what other people think is right or not.

that's thought policing and fuck anyone who thinks _that_ shit is OK.

~~~
krapp
>Surely we're past the whole "Aids is a gay disease" stage by now?

Nope. People still believe that.

People still believe that God sends hurricanes and terrorist attacks to punish
societies that tolerate LGBT people.

People still believe that LGBT people are just closet pedophiles, and equate
accepting them with accepting bestiality.

The LGBT community _itself_ has people (TERFs) in it who believe transgender
people are just men pretending to be women for sexual gratification.

We haven't really moved past any of that.

~~~
philwelch
People still believe that apostasy should be punished by death. People still
believe that Stalin did nothing wrong. People still believe that the Bourbon
monarchy was a good regime and that France has faced nothing but centuries of
decline since they tried to abolish it.

"People still believe" isn't a meaningful or impactful argument. You can find
at least 100 people who believe virtually anything, because there are over
seven billion people and the human mind has much more than a 1 in 70 million
chance of believing something dumb.

~~~
krapp
We're talking about far more than a few kooks on the fringe of society,
though. The beliefs I described are mainstream in some places, and anti-gay
bigotry is codified into law in some countries.

~~~
philwelch
So is punishing apostasy with death--usually the same countries.

