
What Being a Handyman Has Taught Me About Male Insecurity - wallflower
http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/03/what-being-a-handyman-has-taught-me-about-male-insecurity/274426/
======
dizzystar
I was a carpenter for the better part of my 20s. Definitely many stories like
this that came up. The one that bothered me the most was how many times they
looked at me silly for making a "bad" cut, when of course, I was making said
cut because the area wasn't square. I had one guy get angry at me for making a
frame that was visibly crooked, so I told him he should probably make it
square and hang it up himself. When he put the piece up and saw it didn't fit
flush, he apologized and said I was right after all. I then told him that was
the last piece of wood. Sometimes the respect is hard-earned.

I just chalked it up to the amount of times they got screwed over by people of
lower ability, so in general, there was a lot of defensiveness. The male-role
thing was apparent, but after earning respect and trust, they pretty much
always got out of my way.

I've had, quite often, jobs where I was more or less helping the home owner
build and those were the most enjoyable and memorable moments. Contrary to
what this story suggests, it was usually the rich folk who got on their hands
and knees beside me and pounded nails. I think it was about perspective. The
rich folk seemed more willing to learn it, try it, and logic out the problem.
The middle class folk didn't seem to willing to learn or want to get their
hands dirty, so usually they weren't present and were more prone to
complaining.

Construction is super easy if you can think about the problem from multiple
perspectives. I find it surprising how few people have the capacity to view
the world in this way.

~~~
sliverstorm
_The rich folk seemed more willing to learn it, try it, and logic out the
problem. The middle class folk ... usually weren't present and were more prone
to complaining._

Or, the middle class folks didn't have time to hang around, while rich folk
don't always work 9-5.

~~~
DuskStar
Or that the rich folk might have gotten that way through being "more willing
to learn it, try it, and logic out the problem."

~~~
InclinedPlane
The richest people I know personally are all incredibly hard workers with
rather wide-ranging skillsets and certainly a willingness to try new things.
But that's just anecdotal so take it with a grain of salt.

~~~
mvc
I think what we've learned here is that the only thing rich people have in
common is that they all have a lot of money.

~~~
jgj
As a rich person with very little money I am offended ;)

------
rayiner
> Although I've worked for plenty of men who seem to be perfectly comfortable
> with the arrangement of using the money they earn with their own skills to
> pay for someone else's expertise, there are three reactions I've grown
> familiar with that suggest there's often anxiety about letting another guy
> do your "man jobs."

I grew up here in the U.S., but I still find Westerners weird sometimes. My
dad grew up in a village in Bangladesh, and for him it's always been a great
point of pride for him that he could afford to pay someone to do "man work."

~~~
jordan0day
I think you're entirely correct -- in the US we still have a national mythos
of "rugged individualism" and self-reliance.

As others have pointed out in the thread, there really is a feeling of
accomplishment that comes from doing something yourself, but we seem to have
conflated that to mean you should do _everything_ yourself.

~~~
mpyne
> As others have pointed out in the thread, there really is a feeling of
> accomplishment that comes from doing something yourself, but we seem to have
> conflated that to mean you should do everything yourself.

Yes, and it's not just about building things.

I feel guilty every other day about how much house _should_ be cleaner. I
could probably hire someone to come out once a month, do a much better job
than I could, more quickly, at a price I can actually afford.... and yet I
feel it's my responsibility and that I would be somehow negligent if I were to
do that. Different cultures, man...

------
InclinedPlane
I took AP classes in college, and I work in the software industry, but I still
know how to work with my hands and I'm very happy to have that knowledge. It's
not that hard, if you feel bad about not knowing anything, go learn, go take a
class or two, go read a book or two, go ask a friend, or use the internet,
there are a million excellent resources out there. Pick a simple project and
do it, then do another project. Stocking a basic toolbox is extraordinarily
inexpensive, there's really no reason not to have one.

I think the reason so many people aren't as handy as they used to be has to do
more with culture than with anything else, here's an excellent TED talk from
Mike Rowe (from Dirty Jobs) on the subject:
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRVdiHu1VCc>

~~~
dpeck
" Stocking a basic toolbox is extraordinarily inexpensive, there's really no
reason not to have one."

This is great advice, anyone reading who doesn't have at least the basics
please get them. I have a few friends who I help out on occasion and it is
incredibly frustrating to not have the basic tools available.

Decent screwdriver set

Socket set

Hammer

Electrical Pliers

Multimeter

Pliers

Adjustable Wrench

Just these basic tools can get you a long way to solving problems.

I hated it at the time, but I spent nearly every weekend of my 8th and 9th
grade years remodeling our house with my dad. Being able to understand the job
that needs to be done, even if you'd do a poor job doing it yourself, is
invaluable.

~~~
michaelbuddy
Pfft. A basic toolbox doesn't even get you halfway there. Here's why. Because
the basic tools are not the keys to the kingdom. The way it works is this. You
NEED to familiarize yourself with all the little connectors, fasteners, bolts
screws and materials. Hundreds or thousands of them. Got a nice drill? Great.
Guess what you better know what masonry bit is, and that you need to use a
smaller bit than what you think, cause you're gonna over drill. Have a few
plumber wrenches? Cool, too bad you never learned what rubber washers are
essential in your bathtub faucet. And your '50s faucet isn't exactly the ones
featured on the how-to PDFs online.

Want to hang a shelf? you have NO idea how many types of hanging fasteners
there are. From a single penny nail to a $2.50 self-driving metal compression
anchor. Then all the reassurance in the world from the guy at the hardware
store doesn't mean anything when you get home because your house will be
different. When things start crumbling, (and they will) then you went from 1
task to 4. Big mess, wife gets pissed. You want to die.

How do you find studs? Too bad nearly EVERY single stud finder is a mediocre
piece of shit. Most people don't even know that to cut a straight line on
plywood, you can clamp a long level and use it as a fence. A circular saw is
worthless without a good straight edge fence.

Need to do some wall patching? Guess what. The joint compound you see at the
store. That's the gimmicky crap that vendors pay for premium end cap space.
Get it home and it's shit. The real handymen laugh because they know the real
stuff is the powder and its in 50 lb bags, costs 1/20 of what you paid and is
found back in the dusty dark corner.

The handyman business is full of tricks the pros have had time to develop and
then taken to their graves.

My battery was dead on my motorcycle. The manual that came with it had NO
information on what to do. My cycle is a couple years old, but not old enough
to have a 3rd party repair manual. Had I hooked up the car charger, I'd have
ruined it. I asked the sales guy at the shop... How am I supposed to know this
stuff if it's not in the manual. He said, 'well people just know it from
working with and owning motorcycles.' For fuck sakes man.

The world of home improvement shows is riddled with holes in the processes.
Sure you see a nice polished tutorial that completely glazes over the clean up
process or the variance in materials.

I've refinished wood floors in 3 different houses. I've yet to find a proper
tutorial on the process that comes close to what I've had to do. They are all
missing tons of important detail on how to do the job right. and guess what,
google has been completely gamed with bad SEO sites. So the first million
results for the home improvement problem you're facing. Guaranteed to be
advertising masquerading as help.

Here's my absolute favorite one though. The solvents and other chemicals you
buy. There are NO proper methods of disposal for the average person. So then
you're stuck with 25 cans of flammable poisonous liquids in your garage for
the better part of a decade. You can only hope that you happen to know when
the next chemical disposal event happens at your nearby church or community
center. Otherwise, you're fucked if you want to legally and safely get rid of
the stuff.

So yeah being a weekend handyman. Fun.

~~~
X-Istence
I was wondering, how old are you?

At 24 years old I can answer most of the questions you asked, and I know
exactly who to ask for advice on the one question I don't know the answer to.

My dad taught me the basics of home building/improvements. I can drywall like
the best of them, look for studs, hang stuff without issues, know what type of
anchors to use. I've built many a desk from 2 by 4's and plywood, built
shelves and a lot of other things.

My friends were always playing and working on their cars, I learned more about
cars from them than anyone else. I have rebuilt an engine, I have changed
timing belts, oil pumps, water pumps, A/C systems, spark plugs, wires, changed
timing on older cars, changed sensors, figured out why a car wasn't running
properly. Even today I still have the ability to listen to a car and with
almost 80% accuracy know what is wrong with it. I can hear when a car most
likely needs an oil change, when a belt needs to be tightened (before it does
the whole squealing thing), I can feel when an engine mount is due for a
replacement, I know what a failing automatic transmission feels like, or a bad
clutch...

Yes, these are all things you learn over time, but to imply that even a basic
knowledge won't help, or a basic toolbox won't get you far is just flat out
wrong. Not only does it give you the ability to fix things yourself, it is an
opportunity to learn and improve yourself. It is extremely satisfying.

Being a weekend handyman/car mechanic? An absolute blast, would highly
recommend it to anyone!

~~~
polymatter
"My dad taught me the basics of home building/improvements" ... "My friends
were always playing and working on their cars"

You're actually agreeing. You were taught and brought up in an environment
where people learnt the skills then you can get by fine.

I certainly wasn't, and I have wasted much time, effort and money getting
shoddy results which I'd then have to pay a tradesman to fix afterwards.

------
simonsarris
Is it me or are there an extremely large number of front-page stories from The
Atlantic today?

There are three on the frontpage right now, with 2 more in the next three
pages (all of which frontpaged at least for a moment).

~~~
mattdeboard
The Atlantic was banned from reddit for spamming last year. Wouldn't surprise
me if they were doing the same BS here.

~~~
shardling
Well, the submitter of this article has a 5 year old account. They frequently
submit news articles from a variety of sources, and are also an active
commenter. (Though, they do seem to like posting quotes.)

The other two atlantic articles on the front page are from 2-3 year old
accounts that likewise post a lot of pieces from various newspapers.

You're welcome to dig through their posting history for a conspiracy, but it's
not jumping out at me.

~~~
rrreese
I like the fact that you investigated this before posting rather then being
"ra ra conspiracy" like the other posters.

~~~
mattdeboard
It's not a conspiracy, it's a well-known and common business practice for
content companies.

~~~
shardling
I, at least, meant conspiracy in the more literal sense: people coordinating
in secret.

------
jeffdavis
"This attitude is certainly built on classism and general obliviousness as
much as gender issues...whereas with rich men, haggling seems to be a
necessary ritual."

The author makes it sound like negotiating over an estimate is a character
flaw.

Stereotypically, men are more likely to negotiate over almost anything. At
least that comes up during discussions of pay inequality; I'm not really sure
what the facts are.

Also, negotiating is probably a more common, habitual practice among "rich"
people (by which I assume he means businessmen, lawyers, etc.). I don't see
any evidence that it comes from some kind of classism; rather, it's a useful
and important skill in _their_ job.

People who really don't know anything about handywork are likely to use what
they do know to attempt to get quality work at a fair price.

------
pyre
Personally, the tension that I have in dealing with contractors is not wanting
to be taken advantage of. Much in the same way that mechanics and used car
salesmen are 'notorious' for taking advantage of people.

~~~
dizzystar
I've seen this played out so many times, it is quite sickening. I generally
found that union folk can't pound themselves out of a paper bag.

At the risk of sounding inflammatory, many home owners want everything cheap
as humanly possible, so they find people willing to do it for below minimum
wage (immigrants) and buy the cheapest, warped material they can find at Home
Depot. Sometimes spending a little extra money for expertise is worth the
sacrifice. You are, after all, paying for a service that affects the most
important piece of property you own, and you may have to live with a regret
for 30 or more years.

Now days, you can get references, see photos of prior work, and of course
someone with high quality tools (not Craftsman) and a truck is likely to be a
better choice. Someone that is willing to say "no" to you is also a good sign.

~~~
saraid216
I know nothing about plumbing. So when my kitchen sink went haywire, I called
a plumber. He installed a new waste disposal for me and, according to the
Internet price listings for the exact model he put in, overcharged me by about
$250. When I implied I knew what was going on, he explained it was for
warranties, which... seemed implausible unless _he_ was getting stiffed
himself.

I decided not to take him to task for it, since he was probably giving me the
price his company told him to, but it was still irritating and something I'd
like to avoid repeating.

~~~
ams6110
Parts and supplies (whether for plumbing, auto repairs, etc.) are always
marked up about double what you would pay retail yourself. You can buy a water
pump for a Chevy Impala for about $50 online. A competent shop will most
likely charge you $100 or more, plus labor to install it, but they know it's
the right one, they know what other gaskets, seals, etc. they need to replace
along with it, they have the tools and knowledge to install it properly, and
they will warranty the job and the part against defects for some period of
time. That's what you're paying for when you pay a shop or a professional to
do something for you.

If you want to take that on yourself (and it's not really difficult,
fundamentally) you can save that markup and the shop's labor charges. I used
to do this a lot more than I do now, because even though I enjoy working with
tools and fixing mechanical things, when I compare spending 3 hours replacing
a water pump on my car to the opportunity cost I very often decide its not
worth it (this has changed as I have grown older and my free time has become
more valuable to me).

~~~
X-Istence
When I was in college I used to work on my own cars, these days however I am
time poor and money rich. For me it has made more sense to go out and buy a
brand new car that I can drop off at the dealership for warranty work or
anything along those lines, rather than spending 4 - 5 hours dealing with
whatever issue has cropped up.

It's a something you have to weigh off, and decide yourself. I'd rather pay
someone to work on my car now and be able to spend that time working on
projects and making money than work on my car and spend those hours on that
(although I do miss it tremendously, that's what getting a project car is for
though ;-)).

------
ameister14
Until I went to college I didn't realize not everyone learned wood and
metalworking in school.

Industrial Arts, it was called. We learned to make jewelry, forge with iron,
etc. Then in high school I did woodworking instead, and made furniture, which
most of us sold as a side job.

I just thought that was totally normal. I'm still not sure why it isn't.

~~~
trhtrsh
Budget cuts. You can't write a standardized test for woodworking, so schools
stopped teaching it.

~~~
bluedino
What ever happened to learning this stuff from good ol' dad, or your
grandfather?

I was lucky enough to have a step-father who was fairly handy, had a large
amount of tools, and my mother always had him working on a project around the
house. Building a deck, remodeling the kitchen, that kind of stuff. I hated
being dragged away from friends and video games to help him out with random
stuff but I learned quite a bit.

I also had the fortune of learning from my birth father on how NOT to do
certain things. He'd always take shortcuts that ended up hurting the end
result, which to this day I point out as we work on things.

~~~
mauvehaus
Too late to edit my previous post, but I'd like to add:

When speaking in the general case, I think it's worth thinking about using
gender-neutral language. The attitudes in the article that home improvement
and all things handy are "manly" things are worth challenging, and using
gender-neutral language is a simple step you can take.

The sentence "What ever happened to learning this stuff from good ol' dad, or
your grandfather?" tacitly reinforces the idea that handiness is a man's skill
because it is in line with that norm. Phrasing it in gender neutral language
makes it clash against the norm, and that clash encourages the reader to pause
for a moment, consider the norm, and possibly conclude that there's no
inherent reason that a mother or grandmother couldn't be the handy parent. Or
that both parents could be handy.

Why does this matter apart from political correctness (which I find obnoxious
when it's for its own sake)? Getting over the idea that cooking is a woman's
role or that repairing things is a man's role encourages people to pass on
knowledge in ways that doesn't reinforce these traditional gender roles.

If a person lives their life without ever having these challenged, and then
passes knowledge on to his or her children in a way that reflects the roles,
the cycle continues for another generation. Then we have another group of boys
who can't cook or sew and another group of girls who can't hang a picture or
replace the fill valve in their toilet. If you think those are worthwhile
skills for all people to have, please think of how your choice of nouns and
pronouns reinforces or challenges the attitudes that lead to people deciding
what to teach their children.

In case it matters to anybody, I'm a guy. I can cook, but my sewing skills are
self-taught because (in my specific case) my mother didn't teach me. And
obviously I didn't pick up on the gendered language before the edit window ran
out. It isn't my intention to make you feel called out; rather, writing this
was in part an exercise in figuring out for myself why it matters so that I
might be more aware of _my_ language in the future.

------
johngalt
For me the hardest one to give up was car maintenance. I grew up working on
cars, and if I wasn't in IT I'd probably be a mechanic. Unfortunately keeping
all the tools and supplies necessary was too much of a hassle for a single
late model vehicle that requires practically no maintenance. It doesn't bother
me to have someone mow my lawn or fix the way my doors hang, but handing the
car keys over for an oil change is painful.

And FYI, women have it significantly worse in this regard. The division
between feminism and traditional roles has created a trap. You'll be judged
both for having and not-having traditionally female skills.

~~~
juiceandjuice
The oil change thing was much easier when I had a garage/driveway/flat street
and I had a lifted jeep cherokee (which broke a lot, but was easy as hell to
fix and change oil). With my car now, I can't even find ramps that are
appropriate for it. Luckily I bought my (Subaru) new in 2009, so I just take
it in for maintenance when required.

Also, living in an apartment is weird because it's not _your_ house. I want to
replace the kitchen cabinets, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to. I'd love to
be able to just own my own house, I even dream of just getting an old house
and redoing the electrical, fixing it, getting a 203k loan, but that's not
very easy in the bay area.

I don't have any trouble letting other people do stuff for me, but I usually
want to be right there talking to the person the whole time, usually learning
whatever new things I can.

------
IvyMike
There's always the choice to be made:

The handyman/contractor/mechanic has the skills, and the tools, and probably
knows what to do, but in my experience often doesn't give a shit about the
quality of his work. (But see below)

I don't have the skills, and may not have the tools, and I don't know what to
do, but given time I have proven myself able to learn, and I really do care
how things turn out.

Often 'giving a shit' makes up for a lot more of your initial ignorance than
you would think.

If there _was_ some great way of finding that rare someone who did have pride
in their workmanship (or at least could adequately describe the various
tradeoffs that might be made) it would be a lot easier for me to trust someone
else to do the work.

~~~
GFischer
Countless startups have tried that... and we still dont have a great way to
get accurate recommendations for handymen, maids, mechanics, elderly care,
etc... all those where trust and skill are needed.

So far I still rely on person-to-person recommendations. Many suggest that
Facebook could hold the keys to that particular kingdom, by providing a
verifiable online identity. AirBnB is one of those that uses Facebook for
that.

------
Zimahl
In defense of the modern male, things just aren't as simple as getting on a
whim of building "walls and sidewalks, installed woodstoves, laid tile, added
electrical circuits and plumbing fixtures, fixed furnaces". There are so many
codes these days you can easily do something not to code and it cost you twice
as much. Changing light fixtures and faucets is one thing - major construction
is another.

As an example, my friends furnace is going out. Not a huge deal, they can buy
a new one and have it installed. But wait! Now the AC unit that sits outside
isn't up to code - it's too close to the property line (although it was fine
back in 1989). That has to move, along with a fair amount of electrical and
plumbing to support it. How would he know that?

It's just not worth it if something is done incorrectly. Better to pay a
bonded contractor to do something right and spend your time doing something
fun. If something goes wrong it's on him.

Also, I think HGTV has screwed us as a nation. Now every wife on the plant
thinks it's so easy to tear down a wall and get that open floorplan to the
kitchen. What's worse every husband agrees! And it's all done in a half-hour!
Months later, when your marriage is on the skids and you've gone to Home Depot
30 times and spent twice what a contractor would charge you finally learn your
lesson.

~~~
vitals
Most construction codes are not all that hard to interpret for someone who
deals with 'code' all day(albeit a very different one)

------
steven2012
Put me in the camp of someone who has no idea on how to do any sort of
handyman jobs, and I'm in my 40s. In fact, 3 months ago I bought a dartboard,
and only have a vague idea on how hang it. I'm guessing my wall is drywall (?)
and I imagine I'm supposed to drill holes and put those plastic screw-condoms
(no idea what the name is) in there that expand into the drywall. But the
thing stopping me is 1) I don't know if those screw-condom things are strong
enough to hold up my dartboard, which is rather heavy and 2) I have no idea if
I will be drilling into electrical wires. This weekend I was going to roll up
my sleeves and Youtube videos and probably post on reddit for some advice.

It's sad, but I don't dwell over it, and it's not really a source of
insecurity because quite frankly, none of my friends know how to do it either,
otherwise I would have asked their help for it.

~~~
dkarl
For a task that hasn't changed much in twenty years, the assistance you'll get
from a how-to-fix-it book will probably beat the assistance you can get on the
internet, just because the quality of illustration will be much better. Out of
date copies are cheap, but the directions for hanging something heavy on
drywall will be the same.

------
lostlogin
I think part of it has to relate to what you enjoy doing. I enjoy few things
more than reaching the time of day when work clothes can come off, dirty old
shirt goes on, lithium ion tool drill comes out and the circular saw is
plugged in. It's the best relaxation I have found, and unlike my real job, I
can actually achieve something without other screwing it up and the results
are measurable. Don't ask about the accidents, stitches and cost/time
blowouts.

------
jetti
I find this interesting, especially since I'm not handy at all but am planning
on changing that once my wife and I get a house.

One thing that I have noticed that may be a source of this insecurity is the
significant other. I can't even count the number of times my wife has said
"You're a man, you should be able to do that" before or after asking her dad
to fix something or work on something. It doesn't bother me and I retort
"You're a woman, why aren't you making my meals and doing laundry as well as
cleaning", which are tasks I do myself and have no expectation of my wife
doing those solely on her own. My point being is that gender roles are
typically ingrained in both genders and while a male may be comfortable not
knowing how to do something, there may be an discomfort generated by the
response of the significant other.

------
keithpeter
" _In the course of his career, my dad was an infantry officer, a military
attaché, a Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense, and an arms-reduction
negotiator. At home, he was a wrench. Dude could fix anything._ "

That is a _career_. I imagine the work at home was a form of relaxation and a
way of spending time with family, as well as seeming natural from childhood.

" _It's clear, however, that even though boys these days usually have little
opportunity to receive vocational education at school or elsewhere, there is
still pressure for men to somehow have absorbed traditionally masculine skills
by the time they are grown up._ "

We seem to have lost the idea of _education_ somehow in our chase after pass
rates (UK perspective), so schools are pushing the book learning more.
Families have less time these days for informal education by helping.

------
dankoss
It's interesting that the DIY mentality doesn't extend to fixing or
maintaining computers. I'm not sure if its a generational thing, or the fact
that computers are becoming appliances, but it seems like less people are
willing to try to fix computer problems on their own.

~~~
nlawalker
It's for the same reason that people like myself don't do home repairs on
their own - because it can be really, really hard to tell what the right
solution is without a lot of research and experience. Without that knowledge,
it's impossible to know if I will have hosed something beyond repair if I try
and fail.

------
16s
If you can swap out your wife's car alternator, install an electrical outlet
in her sewing room, til up the garden and replace the kitchen faucet when it
leaks she'll keep you around for many years and she will bake you cookies!

It seems parts of our brains will always be primitive. Tarzan and Jane sort of
relationship. I don't mind. As a man, I enjoy doing these things. I like
helping my wife, saving money and using my hands to fix stuff myself rather
than paying someone else. The only big hurdle I face is finding time to do
these things. It's not an ability issue, but a time issue.

Also, manual labor is a nice break from coding and technology and my wife
rewards my efforts handsomely as sometimes I get kisses and cookies ;)

------
scotty79
My artist life partner had a good laugh when she found out that our male
friend is waiting for a handyman to have her painting hanged as if driving
nail into a wall was some sort of job for skilled professional.

~~~
josefresco
How expensive is the painting? Does your male friend have a stud finder or
know common building measurements to locate a stud? If there's no stud did he
buy the right wall anchor to support the weight? I'm saying most of this in
jest, but sometimes simple jobs are anything but.

~~~
scotty79
My life partner is not a famous painter (yet :-)). I guess the painting was
worth pretty much the same as the canvas it was painted on since you could
paint the canvas over (apart from sentimental value of course, which wasn't
that high too since she gave the painting away as a present).

Our friends house is not light frame construction, hence no studs (I guess it
was build of something along the lines of
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autoclaved_aerated_concrete> ). Also the
painting is frameless so pretty light so it should be sufficiently supported
by a single nail (although at our home my partner prefers to hang them on wall
plugs. She's overcautious with a lot of things).

I assure you that our friend was deservedly laughed at by us (and only by us,
we are nice people) and we respect him all the same.

------
josefresco
The description of work the author performed growing up in the article is a
little more than just what a 'handyman' performs. Where I live most of this
work would require (by law and for insurance) extensive permitting and
professionals with accreditation's and licenses to perform the work.

I'm not saying the work _couldn't_ be done by a handyman, just that with
current codes there are many obstacles for a homeowner to perform their own
home maintenance and improvements.

------
justinhj
No qualms here. I cook for my family and I'm quite adept at that, but when it
comes to getting my hands dirty or fixing things I'm not interested. When I
was a teen my stepdad used to try and get me out of the bedroom to help in the
yard or in his workshop, but I was happier up there learning C and 68000.
Turns out that worked out well for everyone. I can afford to pay someone to do
things I don't enjoy.

------
Macsenour
A friend of a friend once spent 20 minutes verbally beating me up for not
knowing how to change the spark plugs in my car. I finally shut him up with:
"I just upgraded my PC with a new HD and doubled the ram. When you're done I'm
going to Fry's to get a new video board because the new Nvida chip is out and
affordable".

I learned to have zero issues with the "man tasks" thing.

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benevpayor
Do you ever get the client that wants to learn how to do the improvements? My
house is my largest investment. I don't want to screw it up with an amateur
fix, but I would love to work side by side with an expert to learn how to do
the more advanced stuff correctly.

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mnarayan01
I get the distinct impression that the writer views the lack of handyman
skills as being effeminate (at least intuitively, perhaps not intellectually).
I would, therefore, add a fourth class of customer to his list: people who are
socially perceptive.

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jordan0day
I'm not sure what you're basing that on? While the author indicates that he
meets a lot of men who view a lack of handyman skills as _not masculine_ , I
don't see any indication that "not masculine" = "effeminate".

~~~
mnarayan01
Edit: properly moved the original as a reply to abraininavat.

On the topic of your post: I was (more or less) using effeminate to mean "not
masculine", with maybe some connotative meaning thrown in. This seems to be
standard usage based upon my extensive perusal of the copious amounts of
information available at <http://www.merriam-
webster.com/dictionary/effeminate>

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tangledweb
I'm not sure how closely tied the "please do this easy task for me" behavior
is to gender.

I see it as a pretty common bad habit in lots of people and tie it to
ignorance rather than insecurity about gender roles. If you don't know much
about an area it's hard to tell what tasks within it are easy or hard, so it's
easy to assume that all jobs done by other people are easy.

I've seen it expressed as "this is just a website, so I assume you can have it
done by Friday" or "sounds like a 10 line Perl script to me" or "I need a
favor. I'm sure it will only take you 10 minutes" or "What took you so long?",
but the pattern is the same.

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Charlesmigli
There is a huge gap on how people behave at home and at work. Following our
primitive instincts our home has to be defended. That's why we don't like
somebody walking into it and doing stuffs we are responsible for. There is a
summary available for this blogpost here
[http://tldr.io/tldrs/5155bc59ccd25bb8600005c1/what-being-
a-h...](http://tldr.io/tldrs/5155bc59ccd25bb8600005c1/what-being-a-handyman-
has-taught-me-about-male-insecurity).

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johncagula
opportunity cost; get someone else to do it, let me code

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trustfundbaby
half-tongue-in-cheek, half-serious, but ... I wonder if the same thing happens
with freelance sysops/devops guys. Most developers like to think they can
setup and run servers, so it would be interesting to see the way they respond
when they have to call someone in to help them clean up and organize their
server arrangements.

