
Ask HN: How do you recover from repeated interview rejections? - anon_zen09
I am in my mid 40s and for the past 2.5 years I have gone to numerous tech interviews. I have spent many many hours on sites like leetcode etc. and I typically do well in screening rounds but not so well in onsite rounds, leading to getting rejected.<p>The last rejection was particularly hard for me. In spite of my familiarity with the domain (finance) and being recommended by a senior member of the company and doing quite well in the initial rounds, I was rejected.<p>I feel extremely frustrated and depressed. It’s addictive to keep practicing these algorithms- but I feel at some point the strategy isn’t working. I have been at one company most of my career (although different groups with the company). That’s probably one of the reasons companies reject me.<p>Also want to add that I went to a mid-tier college in India. The college I went to does not reflect my abilities but I think that people tend to make judgements about you based on where you went to school.<p>What can I do to stand out?
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spyckie2
If you pass screening rounds but not on-site, you may need to work on how you
present yourself. On-site interviews are just as much about how much they like
you and want to work with you as it is about acing the technical screening
side.

Some red flags for on-sites:

\- if you do not attempt to develop rapport before, during, or after the
interview

\- if you are any of the following: conflict-insensitive, overly-quiet, don't
explain yourself or your decisions well, only show answers and not the thought
process, take no initiative / force the other party to initiate all
conversation topics, etc.

\- a sub-par communicator technically or otherwise. This usually means that
you don't respond in the correct way to cues that people give out. As an
example, if a person asks an open ended question, they likely want to put the
ball in your court and have you sell yourself or confidently take the topic
and run with it. If you answer tersely with very little knowledge shared,
that's probably a failed communication interaction. Too many of those can lead
to a no hire decision.

I think this problem is magnified with older candidates because the
expectation for being a great communicator is higher the older you are.

Usually star candidates communicate very well and have the technical chops to
back it up, not the other way around. Plenty of technically strong people are
hindered in their effectiveness in an org by their sub-par communication
abilities.

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protonimitate
This is great, and something I think a lot of the tech community at large
tends to forget.

Being technically proficient is the bare minimum, not the only desired
quality.

People forget that interviewing is part knowledge/skill screen, and part first
date. You have to know your stuff, of course, but you also have to be someone
that others want to be around.

This is not to say that OP lacks these skills, but there is so much focus in
tech community around passing technical questions and almost 0 focus on normal
interview skills.

The soft/personal skills side of interview is more art than science.

My recommendation is to practice the social side as much as possible.
Interview for non-tech positions, hire an interview coach, or otherwise
exercise soft social skills as much as possible.

Also remember that at the end of the day, you are being judged against all the
other candidates and each hiring manager has a hidden set biases that you will
never know about. Even if you crush the interview, there's still a chance they
just might not like you.

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GuiA
Swallow your pride, always be questioning what you are doing and how you can
do better, and never give up.

It can be discouraging to read sites like HN where everyone and their dog
seems to have 18 different offers from Google/Facebook/etc with recruiters
begging at their feet. This is far from the norm.

I went through a similar phase before my current employer - I had only ever
worked for agencies/tiny family run companies/etc, and I wanted to work for a
real, “legit” company. This resulted into rejection upon rejection, even when
I thought I had nailed the interview. I remember one that hurt pretty hard - I
got scouted by Airbnb because I had given a talk at a fairly large, reputable
conference, and their VP Eng at the time reached out to me. On top of that, I
got recommended by a friend who used to work there and whom I believe to be
one of the very best engineers I have ever met. I know he wouldn’t have
recommended me if he didn’t sincerely believe I would have been a good fit.
Halfway through the day of on site interviews, the recruiter comes in the room
and tells me that they’re not going to move forward, and that I can go home.
(my friend met me downstairs for a cigarette right after, and while I do not
regularly smoke this was one of the best cigarettes I ever had).

Lowering your standards and interviewing for companies that don’t seem that
interesting is probably a good idea too - extra practice, and even if you get
an offer that you don’t accept, it’ll make you feel a bit better.

I will say that not having a top institution (either college or employer) on
your resume definitely gives you a huge handicap, especially in the Bay Area.
All my schools/employers at the time were names no one had ever heard of, and
it definitely felt like I was in a different world compared to friends who had
gone to Stanford/MIT/Google/etc.

In the end, I found a position with a team that was ideal for me, but yeah -
it took a lot of sweat, effort, and perseverance.

Your age probably does not work in favor (sorry about that). Keep
interviewing, and do publicly viewable things (open source contributions, blog
posts, conference talks, etc) - these will not only help you stand out, but
will also help you feel good about achieving something, because one certainly
does not get that from interviewing.

Good luck.

~~~
anon_zen10
Thank for the advice. I have been in the exact same "recruiter coming in
midway.." situation earlier in the process. Its funny and sad.

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itronitron
To answer the question of how to recover from repeated interview rejections,
find people that have the same or similar experiences which will help you
recognize how capricious the hiring process is. My wife and I have both been
recently turned down for positions, at different companies, after going
through the full process and being told that we should expect an offer soon.
We now laugh about it and expect to get turned down when all the stars are
aligned. As a result, I only apply to positions where I am interested in
talking with the people that work there so I at least get to enjoy that
aspect.

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talonx
At your age, I am assuming you have commensurate experience, so your school
should not matter at all.

Any good recruiter should be able to see the qualities somebody of your
experience will bring to the table - a holistic view of software development
and understanding of things like technical debt, good communication, ability
to get along with people from different functional areas, and so on. Maybe you
need to work on making these apparent to the interviewers? I don't think
anybody would be looking at your tech skills alone.

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rajacombinator
First, make sure to diagnose the problem correctly. It seems like you have
good communication skills so I doubt it’s that. Second, especially at your
age, develop your sense of self worth to the extent that you don’t care if you
get rejected, it’s their mistake.

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swedish_mafia
Build something.

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mehly
Given reason for rejection? Skill or fit?

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anon_zen10
OP here (lost original handle)

Most don't give any feedback for rejection

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pacificleo11
Can you drop me a email to pacificleo-at-gmail-dot-com I might be able to help

