
Ask HN: I made a ridiculous amount of money and feel “depressed” - volgo
Hi HN: couple of years ago I made decision to work a ton and make a lot of money. I&#x27;m currently making over $380k in a very well funded startup and live remote in a no income state. I&#x27;m in my 20s and everyday, I wake up, work, play games, look at my investments and sleep. I&#x27;m pretty introverted and read a ton of books on investments and don&#x27;t go out much. I&#x27;m not an unsocial person per se, but I&#x27;m in a small town and it&#x27;s hard to make friends here. I thought about moving back to Bay Area but the 12% income tax and $2k rents goes against every frugality principal I was brought up in (I currently pay $500 for rent and 0% state income tax).<p>Having said that, this lifestyle has been taking a huge toll on me. I won&#x27;t say I&#x27;m depressed, but I&#x27;m becoming so disillusioned with life. I&#x27;ve so much goddam wealth that literally everything comes easy. I&#x27;ve travel oversea frequently in a hope to feel alive - and for a short time I do. Drugs, women, crazy adventures. Then I come back to this small town and it seems like there&#x27;s nothing to strive for. I have everything I want in life. Nothing is a challenge anymore.  The other day I randomly bought a house for $45k in cash so I can rent it out, but i kinda lost motivation after the first week<p>Anyone feel like that? I feel completely directionless. I tried going to meetups and everything but I can&#x27;t connect with anyone because our interests are so different.
======
jonplackett
I had a very similar experience to this a few years ago. I made an app called
Face Juggler which was one of the first face swap apps (before snapchat
started doing it for free). I made it just for a bit of fun but it somehow
went to the top of the charts with zero effort or publicity and I made a
similar amount of money to you. And I also got really down about it.

Apparently this is pretty common. We aren’t that good at predicting things
that will make us happy or sad. There’s a great TED talk about this
[https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy/...](https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy/up-
next)

I think the problem I had was that when you have very little you are quite
care free. You take chances and don’t worry about the consequences because you
have little to lose and lots to gain. This feels good! But once you actually
get somewhere you start to worry about stuff. What if I lose this money? What
if I do the wrong thing and it all goes wrong. What should be a great position
becomes scary and unstable.

Now would be a great time for some proper reflection about what you want from
life that isn’t just about owning and buying stuff. You’ve bought your way out
of that game now and it’s time to think about what’s really important to you.
I also think Tony Robins is a genius for his ideas in this stuff.

~~~
rosspackard
Can you point me to some of the Tony Robbins stuff that is good for this in
particular? I find myself worrying more and more about losing what I am
gaining.

------
airbreather
First of all 12% tax, really, that is your reason for living there? Get a
grip, 12% is nothing to pay to be somewhere you want to be or that feels like
home.

Secondly, you have lost what the Japanese call "reason for getting out of bed
in the morning", which is when you start to die, no matter what your age is.

The longer you live like you are the less you will have to connect with anyone
about.

Worry less about the money and more about doing something that you feel has
some purpose. It doesn't have to be some feel good save the
planet/whales/children, just something that you believe in and needs doing.

Don't throw away the advantages you have built/won/stumbled into, just take
them and use them.

Lastly back to the taxes, they pay for schools, hospitals, roads, immunisation
programs, disaster preparedness etc etc - given they are not exhorbitant, just
pay them and feel like you are contributing to the greater good.

------
techjuice
First, congratulations on gaining so much wealth at such a young age. I would
recommend looking into turning that into a million or more before you hit 30
to insure your future is good to go (retirement age, when you cannot or just
do not want to work anymore).

In terms of keeping active, I would recommend moving closer to a major metro
area, this could be on the outside of the beltway so you possibly drive or
take a ride in to reduce your rent/mortgage. Remember, it is hard to keep the
mind busy when you live in a place with little to no activity.

Have you tried spending time working on your other hobbies, looking into
things you would like get involved in (learning the ins and outs of cars,
setting up a home datacenter, getting more in-depth knowledge about your
favorite music genres, designing your own clothes, car mods etc.). If you do
not want to move have you looked into ways to enhance your local community to
bring some life into it, create jobs, get to know the locals better, conduct
local hackathons, and start small conferences to get others interested into
what you do, etc.?

~~~
volgo
Yep, I got my money invested in some quality companies and don't plan on
touching them for a while.

As for hobbies, I actually have a few. The problem is that many of them are
more of a lone activity, and that makes me feel even more isolated

As for the local stuff, that's why I bought that house in the first place.
Wanted to get more involved in the community

~~~
antaviana
Buy or adopt a dog. Your solitude will vanish instantly and perhaps you will
interact with your community in dimensions unrelated to work or career (like
meeting other dog owners when walking your dog or being sued by your neighbor
because of her barking).

~~~
dominotw
This is bad advice. Dog is a daily commitment for a decade or more, not
something to be taken lightly.

------
anigbrowl
I can see how you'd be terribly bored. Since you already have a pile of money
(congrats) why not deposit it with some reputable wealth management firm and
save yourself the time reading the investment books? It sounds like you're
optimizing for its own sake - investments, videogames, whatever it is you do
at work, and as you say accumulating more is not a satisfying challenge.

But I'm sure you can think of something worth learning that you do for its own
sake rather than as part of an overall gameplan, whether that's playing violin
or teaching wolves to play backgammon. Since you're suffering from anomie I
challenge you to identify 3 things that you would actually find difficult to
accomplish and which would have value for other people (not necessarily
altruistic, but in terms of being recognized by others as difficult to
accomplish).

------
zapperdapper
> I made a ridiculous amount of money and feel “depressed”

A lot of people are going to read that and think - how the hell is that even
possible?

It does not seem to matter how many times it is said, or what studies show,
but people don't seem to get it into their heads that how much money you have
and how happy you are are completely unrelated _once a certain level of income
is attained_. Or, putting it another way, happiness is mostly unrelated to the
amount of money you have in your bank account.

I was once £150K in debt, and people don't believe it when I tell them they
were actually some of the happiest years of my life!

So what to do?

I would talk to someone first off. I would suggest a _good_ life coach as a
starting point - Tim Brownson at A Daring Adventure (just google 'A daring
adventure') is a stand up guy (known him for years) and a fellow Brit! He
might help you find some focus on a new direction. He's lived in American for
about ten years now I think so maybe his accent is decipherable now and he
doesn't sound like a mad Australian.

So what kinds of things affect happiness?

\- exercise / health \- relationship \- friends \- purpose \- contribution

and that special little thing a lot of workaholic Americans forget all about:

FUN!

------
landon32
First, you should internalize that your happiness is far more important than
how much money you make. If you could give all your money away to be happy
forever, you certainly should, even though it means you are broke and
homeless.

With that in mind, the most important thing for you to do is to find a great
community. You should really move to somewhere where people have similar
interests with you so you can bond with them and form great relationships. You
could maybe have long distance friendships, but they will never be the same as
living within minutes of people you really love and want to spend time with.
It's OK to spend a lot of money making that happen, because this will most
likely increase your happiness more than anything else you can do.

Finding a "direction" or purpose is probably very important to your wellbeing
as well (this is supported by evidence-- people who say they feel like they
have a purpose in life are subjectively happier on the average). What do you
really care about? What do you think is important in the world? Find a way to
spend time moving that forward. For example, I like spending time on lots of
different things-- coding, making art, making music, cooking, etc etc. but I
need to decide how to spend each minute of my life so I just picked a metric I
wanted to optimize for-- the net happiness on earth. Now if I feel
directionless I just ask "Well what would help make the most people the most
happy" and I can start heading in some kind of direction. It works well
because the metric is really exciting and important to me. Another way would
be to ask yourself "In 100 years, how do I want to be remembered?" or
something of that sort. Just find a way to answer the question "what is my
purpose in life" and you should be set for a while.

Those 2 big things are worth trying. But there's also lots of little things.
For me exercise has a huge influence on how happy I feel on a given day-- if I
exercised in the morning or the day before, I'm usually much happier. Eating
good food has a significant impact for me as well. Talking to friends and
spending time in nature are some more. Try out a bunch of that sort of day-to-
day happiness/well-being advice and pay attention to what makes you feel good
and make sure to do that often, ideally daily or weekly.

------
EliRivers
This seems like very much not the place to be asking. Mental health is a
serious issue, with dedicated professionals available. I suspect that here
you'll get a lot of well-meaning anecdote, some of which may well be helpful.
Nonetheless, there are professionals out there ready to help and your mental
health isn't something you can bash at like a python script.

Double-check with a professional that there isn't some physical disorder going
on, and see a mental health professional.

------
coralreef
Just take the hit and move back to the city. You have a better chance of
meeting interesting people and pursuing hobbies.

You are currently trading happiness for money. You won't get this time back,
but you have the rest of your life to work and make money.

~~~
CyberFonic
The reason it is a low cost and zero tax place is because a lot of people do
not want to live there. You pay for what you get. So a bit of tax and expenses
will get you living in a more vibrant, stimulating place. That is why lots of
people prefer to the cities.

Being frugal is a trap. You don't want to be Scrooge McDuck. Better to have a
bit less money and far more fun.

------
egandunning
Find a cause or project that you really believe in, and put your effort into
that.

The book "Smartcuts" by Shane Snow address the issue of wealthy people feeling
depressed. Its a great book!

------
joefarish
You sound like you are well on your way to financial independence. I'd suggest
stopping by /r/financialindependence you may well find others in a similar
position.

~~~
volgo
Already a long time member! That's actually what prompted me into all this
extreme frugality in the first place :)

~~~
jimmies
Last two years I followed r/fi obsessedly like it's a life philosophy. Holy
hell did it work well.

As a result of it, I did extremely well financially even with my very little
income as a grad student. I've achieved my saving goals for the year 4 months
in. But I've grew to much pride, lost my sanity, became numb, lost my sense of
enjoying life. Perhaps that was part of the reason my wonderful girlfriend
broke up with me. By the way, I lived in a small Midwest town. I lived
frugally and minimally and I'm not really obsessed with things in the first
place, so saving 50% of my income being single wasn't hard. I woke up everyday
checking my investments and saw it growing but felt no joy. Sometimes I would
stay in bed for the whole day and sleep. I wasn't rich but I was so
financially stable that I was going to be alright no matter what happens.

Thanks to several changes in life, I now do feel joy again. I don't know what
exactly went right, but I did the following:

\- Not obsessedly following the r/fire community anymore. I now spend more
money to buy gifts and experiences for people I love (not superficial ones,
the kind of I would have to think twice buying for myself). I come up short
financially but ahead in my sense of self worthiness. I feel I'm not a money
obsessed scumbag anymore. You might find having a better time doing this
because I don't have a big income. But anyway, try to make other people who
are important in your life happy for what you can provide: money, time,
experiences and you won't regret it.

\- I started working out hardcore first because the girlfriend that dragged me
to the gym. FYI, I am a typical computer nerd, who was massively unfit
(underweight) and has never played a sport in my life. Nowadays, I try to work
out once or twice a week. Just having a trainer train you for the first week
so you know what is what is enough for you to get started.

\- I moved to the coast, not that I planned to. I live in a much nicer place
with more freedom and amenities. There is a huge difference in living in an
intellectual and welcoming town compared to the middle of nowhere, homophobic
town.

\- I quit social media cold turkey. I don't have Facebook, Instagram,
Snapchat, almost anything that allows me to peek into the others' lives
anymore. I probably won't ever come back to Facebook.

\- I started to think positively about others: seeing what they were able to
achieve given the situation, not how inferior they are to me. And I told
everything to them to make them feel they share with a friend.

\- I watched the highest rated movies on imdb. Perhaps the two that resonated
the most with me (those were rewatches!) were sunset blvd and groundhog day.
Especially groundhog day. You are in a loop and everyday is the damn same. It
changes when you see it differently that kind of stuff. I have never found
watching fictional movies and books useful or joyful before. I have always
been a nonfictional person.

\- I started to be more bold, adventurous and reached out and collaborate with
people I admire. We work and talk about projects that makes us no money. But I
can't say how much I love seeing a personal email from people telling me about
new things they're planning to do.

I know not everything I said will be applicable for you, but I hope at least
some of those you might find something useful. Good luck and I hope you feel
better for the new year!

------
fabrice1
Maybe you are depressed so go for a talking therapy or maybe just a lifecoach
(I know a former tech entrepreneur who went through a breakdown and now is a
lifecoach, I can introduce you). Also help others. Is there any field you are
interested in? Animals? Volunteer at a local homeless shelter? Work on
creating a start-up that may help others (that what I do and it is great)?

~~~
imhoguy
I am not a doctor. Just reading thru OP answers I think OP may have symptoms
of depression and should see therapist.

------
wdiamond
Recursive, you have everything you want. but if you have, how the hell you
want? to have and to want will never be the same, cause to want is to work for
a new objective. and to have is to rest by the previous objective completed.

if you dont want to go to "the moon" maybe you dont want anything more. just
to rest.

------
PaulHoule
Move.

It would be hard to replace the job you have, but you can find many places to
live in the U.S. with better amenities than your spot, but much lower cost of
living than the Bay Area.

New Hampshire, for instance, has no income tax and a vibrant scene around
Manchester. Nobody ever picks up litter on the side of the highways and the
winters are tough but you are 50 mi from the beach, from some prominent
mountains, Boston, etc.

You might accept some income tax (less than SF) and get warmer weather and
move to the Raleigh-Durham area in North Carolina where there are many smart
people doing interesting things.

If you like to ski there is Salt lake City.

Work out the factors that matter to you, pick a place, and move there. Give it
a six months or a year or so and move to someplace else if you hate it.

------
Adripio
How is your health / fitness level? I felt a bit like that when I was up at
around 260 lbs (I'm 5' 11" tall). I started watching what I ate (I used a food
tracking app to monitor caloris in and out and come up with a realistic plan
to get to my supposed "ideal" weight which is 185-190 lbs and started some
exercise - first walking around the block, eventually jogging and some
exercise DVDs in my living room. As I shed lbs, I started to feel better and
better, my interest in various things perked up, and I feel like I'm even more
social now. Maybe this would help you too? Just a thought.

~~~
volgo
Thanks, that's an interesting idea. I do take very frequently walks but
nothing intense. I might try that

~~~
farnsworthy
With success I think it's easy to fall into a pattern of comfort and
avoidance.

Whether it's exercise, going to meetups, gatherings, or any sort of public
place, trying new hobbies as you've done with the house, etc., I'd suggest
finding at least _one_ thing to do each day that forces you out of your
comfort zone, and see if you don't notice a difference in your feelings and
outlook.

If you're walking, speed it up a bit or even try a short sprint to force a
recovery, and note any physical and mental difference as the body does its
thing.

Can you approach it that way? "I haven't done my 'one thing' yet today--I need
to get out/hit the floor/call a friend/whatever." Go to the library, hardware
store, mall, church, something different, even seemingly mundane.

And yeah, maybe move if you need to. Sometimes a change can be beneficial in
and of itself, and you don't have to go to the extreme Bay-end of the COL
spectrum to find more opportunities--there's a range of options between there
and remote small town.

------
pookeh
Start giving talks on how you accumulated such wealth in a young age -- people
always love to listen and learn from stories that inspire them to gain more in
life.

Once that happens, you will feel a sense of satisfaction that will self-drive
-- the more you help others out, the more you would want to continue. And
since you are helping people out in the thing you are really good at, you will
have to keep doing that thing to continue to inspire people and stay ahead.

Though, you will notice that starting out will be really tough -- your body
and mind will find every excuse to not do it, simply because it is not your
comfort zone.

~~~
volgo
I don't have much to say besides "I got lucky." Not really a motivating person
tbh

------
dukeflukem
I'd consider moving to the bay area. Sounds like you live in nowheresville and
its boring as hell. Remember money is your slave not vice versa, and its OK to
spend a bit to make you happier.

~~~
BjoernKW
At the very least in the Bay Area his money will be gone in no time.

Moving to a more interesting place is good advice though as is considering
money a means rather than an end to itself.

~~~
dukeflukem
On his stated income I presume he won't be left destitute and can still save
some money and invest too.

------
id122015
Start reading something else. You focused too much on money and little on
anything else. I was asking myself days ago how some people make so much money
and I dont. But I forgot what I have and others dont. I'm your complementary.
I started 10 years ago when I dropped out and started travelling and reading
everything. I know everything I wanted to know. But we cant have everything.
At least one thing you can do now is to pay someone you choose to give you
what you lack.

------
nicholas73
You'd still feel that way without the money. Don't blow your money.

The way you feel just comes from being in your 20's and sorting out your
feelings.

~~~
volgo
I really goddam hope so. 20's is a really shitty decade

------
SirLJ
Been there, done that... the best thing that happened to me is I met my wife
and we started a family... having kids will change your focus from being
selfish to actually care for someone... she literary saved my life, because I
would have probably died from the rock 'n roll life style I was living (as
some of my friends actually died)

------
Something1234
I feel like this song might apply:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slox9-f-nSA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slox9-f-nSA)

We all need something to strive for and always want more, but it seems you're
having issues finding what you want.

------
NicoJuicy
Organize a neighborhood bbq, if you want to stay there.

The people who come, won't have the same interests, but at least you'll know
some people.

Ps. You have too little on your hands, this will also fix that for some time.

------
Lordarminius
You need new friends, new stimulants, a renewed sense of purpose.

------
nickthemagicman
How do you make almost half a mil a year in tech?

Are you a dev or a cofounder?

------
pvaldes
Winter depression linked to low light levels?

------
bfuller
Move to Europe

------
davidw
Do some volunteer work?

~~~
bob_theslob646
Seriously this and there is science behind it.

[https://www.nationalservice.gov/pdf/07_0506_hbr.pdf](https://www.nationalservice.gov/pdf/07_0506_hbr.pdf)

"Over the past two decades we have seen a growing body of research that
indicates volunteering provides individual health benefits in addition to
social benefits. This research has established a strong relationship between
volunteering and health: those who volunteer have lower mortality rates,
greater functional ability, and lower rates of depression later in life than
those who do not volunteer"

