

We Live in an Age of Irrational Parenting - DanielBMarkham
http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/03/we-live-in-an-age-of-irrational-parenting.html

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Apofis
I grew up in Ukraine until I was 9, and spent the rest of my youth in NYC. I
spent a large portion of my adolescence in NYC exploring Brooklyn on my own
because a majority of my peers weren't allowed to leave their block, much less
neighborhood.

I've found beautiful orchards that I spent my summers in lazily hanging out in
and all kinds of amazing places in my neighborhood by exploring, things my
peers weren't able to experience because their parents were deathly afraid of
letting their children hangout outside.

I walked to school by myself by grade 2 in Ukraine, while when I arrived in
NYC, my grandparents who came to the US a few years before us, wouldn't let me
walk to school on my own until grade 7, to my great adolescent irritation.

I've only gotten in trouble a few times because I trespassed on some hapless
elderly man's backyard, but never have I encountered a dangerous situation
where some stranger meant me harm of their own volition.

There's most definitely greatly overstated stranger danger in NYC and America
at large, even when you discount my anecdotal evidence and look at actual
numbers.

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needacig
Just to restate this, the author's theory is that the reason parents these
days don't let their kids have as much freedom as parents in the past did is
because parents these days value their kids more than parents in the past used
to.

This is probably wrong. Does anyone really think that parents in the past were
more cavalier about their children dying or getting injured, if only slightly
so? Also why does the author reach all the way back to 1850 for a comparison
to the number of children families have? In the more recent pass, families had
comparable numbers of children, but no one was worried about them being overly
restrictive parents.

Overall this theory seems likely to be more reflective of the author's own
anxieties than reality.

~~~
gavinpc
Exactly right. The author loses all credibility when suggesting that parents
somehow view children in the same way that economists think people view
commodities (which by the way is also mostly wrong, but that's another story).

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alimoeeny
I didn't grow up here in the US. And I don't have a kid yet. But I find it
very odd that people cannot let their kids to walk into a store to buy
something or walk and play around the neighborhood.

~~~
21echoes
people _do_ let their kids walk into a store and buy something, and they let
them walk and play around the neighborhood. source: i grew up in the US, and
have friends now with children.

as the article says: "One slap on the wrist from one state to one unlucky
couple does not a trend make."

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analog31
_Absent having any other conspicuous way to prove moral worth — by taking care
of their own parents, say, or heading up local civic organizations — we
instead try to show our virtue through parenting._

I'm struck by the irony of yet another article putting parents under the
microscope.

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bkovacev
The trouble is not with parents, but rather with the way of living, the fact
people/government do not mind their own business and the negativity media
creates. I would much rather look at the way the product is made and the
shaping market does than the producer of the goods. Personal opinion:

United States: Schools are just educational facilities (Not learning moral
values). Not enough time outside (No social interactions). Parents do not have
the time to pass moral values to the kids. Parents make up for the lack of
time/parenting with material things(Mainly electronics). Kids are spoiled.
Different life-work structure and tougher time schedules for the parents and
the kids(less time with kids/parents). Parents are more selfish (parents, do
not get mad at me for saying this, I will provide an example later).
Everything requires a car. Internet/TV are creating a bad atmosphere.

Eastern Europe: Schools are both disciplinary and educational facilities.
Balanced time outside and inside. Sense of freedom given to the kid. Less
"rights" given to the kid/parent. Balance of authorities, both parent and
teacher/coach so that the kid understands that he cannot do whatever he
pleases whenever he pleases.

I have noticed the differences in approaches to raising a child (I purposely
wrote raising, as children are not only raised by their parents) in the United
States and eastern European countries in the past 15 years.

I was born and raised in an eastern European country in times of war in the
90s and the NATO bombardment at the end of the same decade. I was only
required to get into the house when the plane alarm was sounded that warned us
of the possible danger. Even during those times I walked freely to the store,
walked to school alone or with couple of friends, went and did my sport club
activities and hang outside and played soccer. We went on school trips all the
time, even during the summer for two or three weeks without parents. My
parents wanted me to be outside rather than sitting in front of a computer,
SEGA, Sony PS/PS2. From this I benefited a lot due to the fact that I stumbled
upon liars, kids that were trouble and I had couple of fights - I am now
realizing I was being prepared for the real world. When I had the time and if
I wanted to watch TV, my cartoon choices were much "healthier". As CN was
introduced to our TV providers I've had the experience with Cow and Chicken
and Dexter all of which were modern cartoons that had amazing graphics but had
zero value in moral lessons. My coaches were also allowed to slap me, just
like my teachers were. I received couple of slaps and they have taught me
couple of valuable lessons. My parents were working hard and when they could
not be next to me, my grandmother was taking care of me and not a babysitter,
but I always walked alone to school and back and went to practices at night.
My dad did however drove me back drove me back from practice at 10pm, and kids
were then saying I was spoiled.

On the contrary - US children are given a lot more freedom - not necessarily
by their parents but by the government. I have personally witnessed a woman
being arrested in a mall because she slapped her child for being rude to
someone in front of everyone. Also, parents are spoiling kids for no reason.
"Oh, Tim's kid has a tablet? Well, I'm going to get my child one as well" \-
even though he has no use for it and he already has 3 other consoles and a
phone. They are using material stuff to make up for the lack of time spent
with their kids. Do not get me wrong, I know it's not their fault and I know
that in a way they want the best for their kids. But in another way, they do
equally care about themselves. Vacations without kids, lack of stress etc. I
have not felt _real_ _strong_ connection between parents and kids in the US (I
could be wrong). I have not had a chance to hear from any student I know that
his/hers parents help them pay for college. Okay. Think for a minute. As you
grow older, do you need more financial needs/luxuries or less? Why not help
out your child not have any debts and invest in them so that they could invest
in you once you go into retirement? Are they afraid their child will fail?
(I'm talking about Middle-Size college, not Ivy league as I cannot testify
since I do not attend one. I did however attend a top 10 boarding school in
the US where money did not matter, and the kids on the lower budget were
usually in the loans even then)

Also, in schools, teachers rarely raise voice or kick someone from the class.
Kids that are not well disciplined keep managing to "survive" in class/school
and generally bring everyone down. Everyone has to take the same test -
sometimes you just have to use a hard test to teach kid a lesson.

My parents although really strict, did allow me to go out when I turned 14.
Keep in mind, I could have bought liters upon liters of beer or dark liquor
(drugs weren't that popular then) and my parents knew that. However, they had
belief that I would make the right choices and not get into trouble and be
home by the curfew time, and due to the respect we had for them (I know it
might not be polite, but I'm talking in the name of majority of my friends and
kids of that time) we were back even earlier. Cops ID-ed me couple of times,
they never once called in a social worker to question my parents why I was
alone on the street at 11pm at the age of 13/14, or even when I was younger. I
tried beer early, I never once got drunk until I was 19, and even then I had
enough respect not to come home like that. Since I'm attending a US college I
feel that every freshman here has never tried booze before so they get drunk
and throw up ravioli all over my hallway, not just once, but repeatedly.Like
it's some sort of a blunt action, to prove that they can. Same goes for weed,
which is just now becoming popular in my country.

One thing that I believe is positive - kids in the US start working earlier.
That has a lot of advantages as most of the kids back in Eastern Europe rarely
have any work experience or positive habits when it comes to work.

I do not want my child to be clueless about life, like some of my college
friends. I do not want my child to go to an online high school and completely
miss his social and character development. I do not want to drive him
everywhere so that he could learn the city and have social interactions at the
stores/parks/playgrounds/sport centers etc. I don't want him to have only one
friend that will stay over. I want him to have a chance to learn and
understand life on his own and that I only guide him, not hold him on a leash.

PS it is pretty late so do not mind my rant, and I know that one college does
not mean bad parenting is present across the US.

