
Ask HN: Pre-mature baldness, self confidence and networking - whatevertech
Hey HN ,
I wanted to know if any of you suffer from pre-mature baldness. I am 28 but increasing getting bald since 18 and now almost bald.  
This has greatly affected my self confidence and I feel like I missed prime years of my life. I used to keep myself alone just to avoid people. Now I&#x27;m getting better.<p>Yet I feel like I suck a lot at networking. How do I improve my network , meet new people, keep conversation going and keep people interested in me ?<p>Happy holidays!
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corysama
By 28 I was balding enough that I just went with it and shaved the rest clean
off. Been ten years now and I haven't looked back. Since then, I've only ever
received compliments and the occasional friendly question about what motivated
the shave. Highly recommended if you think you can pull off the look.

For networking (and general interesting fun) meetup.com is my favorite thing
ever. People go to businessy/techy meetups for the express purpose of meeting
interesting people. Many of them end up literally standing around waiting for
someone to walk up and say Hi. My go-to greeting is "Who are you and what do
you do?" It's blunt. But, it gives people permission to just go ahead and
introduce themselves to me without the silly social dance around finding an
appropriate opening. We're all here to meet. Meet me dammit!

If you do this enough, you'll have awkward moments and you'll meet a few
jerks, but mainly you'll get to practice meeting interesting people in a
fairly safe way. If you screw up, you'll likely never see that person again.
If you are awesome, you still probably will never see that person again, but
you just might actually make a long term contact.

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clivestaples
I've been there. Embrace it. Stay fit. Two of the most accomplished people I
know were completely bald by 28. They had more success in business (and dating
btw) than anyone else I know. Over time, I've learned to appreciate my bald
look and you can too.

My wife thinks full a head of hair on men looks feminine. My reason for
sharing this is to illustrate that many of us bald guys presume to know what
people think of it. We don't. Life long and prosper, my bald brother.

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jen729w
As well as embracing the bald, embrace what bald _gives you_. Do you know how
long it takes me to get ready in the morning? Minutes. Do you know how many
times I look in a mirror? The answer is often "none", because nothing much can
really change! This is so liberating in so many ways. I'm up, I'm out. I'm
free.

Wearing a motorbike helmet without worrying about messing up hair? Check!
Travelling extremely light on holiday because I don't need any product,
shampoo, etc.? Check! Coming out of the ocean and in to the bar without
worrying about what my head looks like? Check!

I'm another "shaved at 27 and wouldn't want it back". I love being bald. Just
make sure you keep it a _good_ bald - don't let it grow in to half an inch
long fuzz if you know that doesn't look good. Don't be lazy. Me, I shave with
a battery powered electric about once a week. Takes me ten minutes.

Another tip: I find collared shirts suit bald men better. Depends on the shape
of your head, but for me a t-shirt makes me feel a bit like one round glob of
human torso, whereas a nice collared shirt gives the whole upper part of my
body a bit of character. Or a t-shirt with a blazer. Or find a hat that works
- I love the flat-cap style. YMMV. But be conscious of it, it'll help.

It is what it is. Make it yours.

And yes, Meetup is gold. Remember: everyone else there is in the same boat.
Nobody else knows anybody either. Everyone is _aching_ for someone to dive in
and start the conversation. If that person is you, you're already miles ahead.
Have fun with it!

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cmsj
This will be the same as most of the other comments here, but whatever.

I had long hair in my early 20s, but by the end of that decade I was thinning
considerably - family trait that I had worse than my father's generation.

I tried to keep some kind of hairstyle far longer than I should, and stressed
about it. Then one day I decided to just shave it off. I bought a set of
clippers, and cut down to 1-2mm all over my head. Best. Decision. Ever.

Now I don't care about bed hair, hat hair, shampoo, windy days, etc.

My wife likes to stroke my head and even though she said she never pictured
herself with a bald man, she thinks it looks really good on me.

Would I prefer to have a full head of hair? Sure, but I really appreciate the
extra freedom of not having to care about what is going on in my head, and
I've only had to replace those clippers once or twice, saving me a fortune in
haircuts!

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onetimeusename
If the hair is gone, it is gone. The best thing to do is to focus on a topic
you really like, that you can throw yourself in to, and this will help you
forget about the hair. Think about what you feel you have a need to do, be it
political, artistic, scientific, educational, charitable, or technological.
Once you have found something that is very important to you, set about doing
it. Along the way, you will meet people and you won't be worrying about
yourself but wanting to share whatever it is you are doing. Don't forget to
dress formally and remember that there are plenty of examples of well known,
successful, bald men, Prince William comes to mind.

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Udo
I pretty much went through the same thing, it sucks.

There is definitely a social impact, especially when dating, but also in other
areas. When you turn on the TV, how do you figure out whether a non-hero
character is a bad guy? If he's bald, he always is. There is definitely a
heavy cultural bias against bald people.

Aesthetics is a big part of it though. People with hair can pull off a lot of
looks that simply are grotesque on bald people, but the good news is: it's
something you do have control over. The worst thing you can do when bald is
being fat. So work out, and wear nice clothes. These things matter _a lot
more_ when you're bald, you'll notice the impact immediately. In fact, these
things matter a lot more as you get older in general.

Confidence is another thing you can actively work on. People tune you out if
_you_ think you're not interesting. While the deck is stacked against you a
little bit due to things outside your control, the biggest impact on your
confidence is, well, your confidence. If all else fails, learn to imitate
confident people and don't be discouraged by failure. One of the things you
can learn from observing confident people is that their failure rate _is not
actually that low_ , for the most part they are just really good at concealing
or downplaying failure. If you suck at networking, that's not due to baldness,
it's because you don't enjoy networking to begin with, because you don't have
a lot of practice, or because you get discouraged easily. I can identify with
that, but believe me it's something that gets better if you're determined to
become better at it.

A certain percentage of people will never date you, never trust you, never
want to listen to you. This applies to everybody on the planet. Sure, that
percentage will be much lower for a non-bald good-looking person, but the
essence of the fact remains: you can't make _everybody_ like you. Try to train
your internal classifier and filter for those whom you _can_ build a
relationship with. Attempting to win over people who reflexively dislike you
is a fool's errant; there are lot of "low hanging fruit" you can pick up
instead using a fraction of the energy.

The nice thing about people who make a lot of snap categorizations on a whim,
like never date|befriend|trust|invest in|talk to a guy who has attribute X, is
they come around just as fast if they see you're successful. A lot of people
only like you when you win, so go out and pick battles you can win. The goal
is, much like doing a startup, to make it unreasonably expensive for people to
dislike you.

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lancewiggs
28 is fine - not really premature. Use it to your advantage - you look older
than others and can be perceived as more responsible/wise etc. As far as
finding a life partner goes just remember that you are not trying to get
everyone to fall in love with you, just one person. Be upfront and confident
about who you are and how you look and you'll end up with the right person.
Hide it and you are starting a relationship with deceit.

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balladeer
You have to realise this is one of things in life that eventually goes at some
point (for most people anyway). The hair, the teeth, eye-sight, the natural
tight skin and the natural glow on it, the knee, the strength, losing people
around you on the way - the list is really long. It's normal. It's just us -
the human machine - getting older and showing the sings of wear and tear after
years or use. Things go like this till eventually we meet the death. That's
how it has been, that is how it's gonna be.

I wish I could put it in a better way, but this is just what it is - accepting
it and moving on. Focus on things that you get with age - wisdom, charm,
knowledge - a of it, experience in relationships, and ability to avoid
mistakes and help others avoid them too. Knowing what matters and what not and
then prioritising life accordingly is what we can do best that people younger
than us usually can't. So that's there.

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spamizbad
You're just going to have to embrace it. Shave your head and, if you can, grow
a beard. I always felt people getting comb-overs or hair plugs are kidding
themselves. Just let it go.

I've got a slowly growing bald spot myself. I'm either going to have to
convert to Judaism or just shave it all off.

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2D
My husband has been balding since I met him at age 18, 12 years ago. I always
thought it made his face and in particular eyes/cheekbones stand out. That
said, I know that he never appreciates my teasing... As a women who has worked
in the most superficial of industries (fashion) I can tell you that you are
only ever as confident or sexy as you feel. And the great thing about hackers
is that these people generally care more about what you can do than your
physicality. I think you should take the same "failure as a pathway to
learning" approach to networking as you do to other challenges. Some people
won't like you. Some people are superficial and boring. Count yourself lucky
they will screen themselves out.:)

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JamesLeonis
I'm in the same boat. Late 20s with a very thin layer on top combined with
male pattern baldness. It runs in the family.

I've embraced becoming bald. I keep it very short and rocked the look. A
simple electric razor is enough to keep the longer portions around my head in
check. Every now and again I use a blade razor to give myself a clean bald
look.

Now onto networking. It's a skill, and like any skill it can be learned. There
is a lot of material about how to converse and become interesting, but all of
them require practice in front of people. It _sucks_ for the first few times,
just like starting a new workout routine. It will feel discouraging when you
don't see results the first few times. Keep at it. It helps to keep track of
the number of people you talked to and roughly how long you talked. You can
then try and increase those numbers just like adding weight to a workout.
After a while you will start to notice it's coming out naturally.

The best way to keep people interested in you is to become interesting. Yeah,
that's a "DUH!" kind of statement, but buried in there is a grain of truth.
Sit down with a pen and paper and start listing all the cool things you have
seen and done in your life. What makes you excited? What makes you wistful?
What do you long for? Use that list as a foundation, even if you only have a
couple of items. If it's blank, then you have the opportunity to explore many
different experiences and see which you like and don't like.

The hardest part of all of this is getting started. Intertia is a hell of a
resistance. Start small and get into a habit. Habits can be hard to start, but
they are also hard to break. Starting small helps get over the initial inertia
with small steps while you build the habit. Once you start getting into the
rhythm, you add harder and more difficult steps to build up your habit. This
is how you build any successful system or learn a new skill. Be open to
mistakes and failure as an opportunity to examine and learn. Turn hostile
criticism into positive critique.

None of this is easy, but with repeated attempts it does get easier. You still
have your 30s and 40s to be a god damn rock star.

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addydev
Hi buddy, I definitely understand your problem and I am in the same situation
you were 10 years ago. Early baldness definitely takes a toll on your self
confidence. There are many bald smart and good looking people. Jason Statham
was recently called the hottest man alive by some media outlet. But you and I
are definitely not Jason, we have two options - either get a hair transplant,
really heavy on the pocket so keep in that in mind or try to carry this
baldness with style. And don't worry, nobody will leave you if you are going
bald, especially if they love you and care for you.

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tdicola
Go to a good hair stylist and get their opinion on what looks best like
shaving it off entirely, going for a buzz cut, etc. They work with hair all
day and know what looks best with your head shape, baldness, etc.

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henryw
My old room takes Propecia to prevent hair loss. We were living in LA, and his
doctor mentioned that many celebrites are on it. He was around 26 at the time.
It has been working wonderfully for him.

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pgbovine
Some friends have suggested embracing it and just either shaving your head or
going for a really short buzzcut. Creative hats and headgear also make for
cool accessories. Good luck!

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baldie88
Just own your baldness. Don't keep your hair and just have a bald spot. Take
it all off and own it. Hair doesn't matter. I personally grew a beard because
I enjoy some hair on my face.

Source: I started going bald when I was 17. Shaved my head clean by the time I
was 19. I'm now 27 and if I had the choice to have my hair back I would turn
it down.

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GFischer
Well, you can use your baldness as an excuse to meet people :) , there's a
community at :

[http://www.slybaldguys.com](http://www.slybaldguys.com)

I lost most of my hair by 28 as well, and while I fretted about it, I've
gotten over it. I didn't have problems getting a girlfriend, and she doesn't
mind :)

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peteretep
There's a great book, Psycho Cybernetics, written by a plastic surgeon, on how
to actually "embrace it".

All that said, the two people I know with hair implants have never looked
back. It's not cheap, but your appearance is with you all day.

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whalesalad
Cut your hair to suit the baldness. Shave your head. Don't let your hair
define you. It really doesn't matter. Women don't care. If you're confident in
yourself and project that you'll be fine.

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jerskine
I highly recommend the 4 minute video below to help cope with the issue.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qanDVZHliw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qanDVZHliw)

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auganov
Finasteride? Probably too late anyhow. High quality wigs tend to look better
than real hair. So that's an option too.

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thisGuysAccount
Finasteride, from what I've read, can have side effects that are worse than
the hairloss. I'll take a receding hairline over ED.

OP: Cut it short, shave it all if it's thin, get a thicker neck (serious. It's
the biggest improvement you can make to your dressed appearance, in terms of
muscles, and often overlooked), and you're better off than most guys with
Fabio-hair.

~~~
Wogef
Neck- I fully agree. In a dress shirt it's very noticeable. Bald with a pencil
neck looks pretty bad- bald with a thick neck is jacked.

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jshobrook
The Real Illuminati,
[http://therealilluminati.co/](http://therealilluminati.co/), is actually
starting to blow up. From what I know, it's a tool that automatically intros
you two people that should know each other. Seems like an excellent tool for
networking, their tagline is "Get intro'd to someone awesome to help reach
your goals"

~~~
jshobrook
P.S. In terms of baldness ... you're on the internet! Physical appearance is
the least of one's concern here.

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devb0x
Yeah... shave it. Keep it short.

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wurzelgogerer
if you want to chat, feel free to send me an email and we can chat "offline"

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CodeWriter23
Shave it and love it.

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bobsgame
_Lift weights._

