

Ask HN: Feedback for my first landing page to validate my idea - tixocloud

Dear HNers,<p>Just created my first landing page to validate my idea and wanted to get some feedback from the community. Followed patio11&#x27;s advice as much as I can about communicating benefits instead of features.<p>Would also like to connect with independent consultants to understand the tools that you use to manage projects.<p>http:&#x2F;&#x2F;unbouncepages.com&#x2F;tixo&#x2F;
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jcr
This will seem more harsh than intended, but there's no easy way to say it; I
would need to be _extremely_ interested to knowingly give my email address to
a marketing-research email-collection landing page, and if a supposedly new
company was unwilling or unable to create a simple product announcement web
page without using something like unbounce.com, then I'd consider them
incompetent.

Let's pretend I'm a busy consultant (I'm not, but I was in a past life). Would
I trust my time tracking and billing to supposed company building a web
service when they can't even create a simple web page? Or set up their own
webserver? --I'm sure you can see my point.

I'm guessing you've used an unbounced template?

With slightly older browsers, the template is broken.

Firefox 18:
[http://designtools.org/pix/txio.png](http://designtools.org/pix/txio.png)

Chrome/Chromium 24: [http://designtools.org/pix/txio-
chrome.png](http://designtools.org/pix/txio-chrome.png)

It's even worse in a text-based browser (for impaired vision), since the curly
brackets "{ }" don't do what you want, and seem like an error of some sort:

[http://designtools.org/pix/txio-text.png](http://designtools.org/pix/txio-
text.png)

The text reads pretty good. I'd use "Txio Is Launching Soon!" rather than
using "We" \--Other than the URL, I've got no clue who "we" is until I get to
the bottom of the page.

For some unknown reason, the first line seems a little rough, and worse, I
have no idea why it seems a little rough.

"We're working hard on helping busy consultants find more time ..."

Maybe something like:

"We help busy consultants find more time ..."

"We help busy consultants save time ..."

"We enable busy consultants find more time ..."

"We enable busy consultants to save time ..."

The one thing that Patrick (patio11) does remarkably well is he communicates
the benefits of his service without getting bogged down in the details of the
features. But, he _also_ communicates the features in very simple language.
e.g. "You'll save time by ..."

You've done a good job of stating the benefits, but you've left off any real
mention of the "how and why" you're able to provide those benefits. After
reading through it multiple times, the most I can divine is you've built some
kind of time-tracking and invoicing program/service. Why is your offering
better than what I'm currently using? How is your offering better than what
I'm currently using?

Though there are plenty of products/services in the time-tracking and
invoicing market, it's _huge_ market, and no one has really solved the
drudgery of it (well, as far as I know, but I haven't looked in a very long
time). Good Luck!

~~~
tixocloud
Thanks for the fantastic feedback, jcr. Don't worry about being harsh - it's
where we all learn :)

I'll definitely address your decisions. Was following a someone else's advice
about putting it together quickly and getting it up and running but clearly
it's not worked out yet. Haven't had a single conversion!

