

Confessions of an Introverted Traveler - absconditus
http://www.worldhum.com/features/speakers-corner/confessions-of-an-introverted-traveler-20090309/

======
ChrisXYZ
Maybe it's a personal thing, but I'm not a fan of the whole, "introverts are
oppressed, extroverts are shallow and evil" line of thinking. e.g., from the
article:

"This is not something I confess easily. I have long been shamed out of owning
my introversion by the extroverts who dominate American culture. Extroversion
has long been considered healthier than introversion, and introverts often try
to push against our natural tendencies in order to fit in, to seem normal so
people will stop scolding us. Extroverts are unintentional bullies, demanding
that everyone join their party or be considered queer, sad or stunted."

The 'we're oppressed' thing just comes off as so bitter to me. Maybe I feel
this way because I'm a lot more sociable than I used to be and have seen this
issue from both sides.

I've noticed introverts who have become more outgoing and those who haven't
have very different takes on the issue. Those who are still introverted tend
to be a little more bitter and into the victim thing, and say introversion is
a core personality trait.

Those who worked on becoming more outgoing will say their desire to socialize
is more mutable than they once thought it was, and that a lot of their past
so-called introversion was just shyness and not liking being around people
because they weren't good at or comfortable with it. They still seek out and
enjoy their alone time, but on the whole they say they're glad they got better
with people.

* It's possible the ones who changed weren't hardcore or 'real' enough introverts.

* You could also start nitpicking the way I used the term, and start debating what 'introvert' _really_ means, something most discussions on this topic devolve into before long I've found.

~~~
wallflower
My standard definition of introversion is you are primarily an introvert if
you find certain social situations like parties draining. Extroverts get
energized by social situations like parties.

When it comes to travel, I find that I am more extroverted primarily because
traveling alone sucks.

As the old koan goes, "whereever you go, there you are". You may not outrun
your shadow, however, travel can help figure out who you are.

~~~
10ren
I don't know what the truth is, but doing something you aren't good at, and
aren't improving at, is also draining.

~~~
rw140
True, but not necessarily the case here. I'm an introvert who is getting
significantly better at acting outgoing when necessary, but being sociable
seems to keep a similar level of effort.

~~~
itgoon
Heh. It isn't the case here, but you have to "act outgoing"? If you had
practice, you don't have to act.

Yes, I'm an introvert, too, and I understand exactly what you're talking
about. The diff is that how much I'm "drained" depends on the group of people.
I have quite a few friends with whom I'm close enough to just be myself, to
not "act". They don't drain me at all. I just eventually run out of things to
talk about, unlike the extroverts who find more to talk about.

A group of co-workers? That is tiring, because it takes a lot of effort to act
that nice.

------
tdavis
Wait... people travel to _meet other people_? I mean, I like to take in the
local flavor and all that, but I've never actually spent time idling chatting
with folks. I hadn't even considered it as a motivation; I just want to see
the world, not be friends with it.

~~~
TriinT
Without meeting locals, you may see the world, but you will never understand
it. You don't have to befriend everyone. Meeting people is different from
being friends with them.

~~~
tdavis
Both of those may be true, and using "befriend" was a bit extreme I admit. But
I must take this opportunity to ask: what do you mean by "understand it"? I've
heard this phrase before, but it has never had any meaning to me.

~~~
potatolicious
It means something a bit different to everyone else, but it involves things
like:

\- When you merely "visit" a new place, you are getting the manicured,
prepared, bite-sized, "tourist" version of it. This prevents one from seeing
anything from more than just the "oh neat that's a big tower" perspective.

\- When you meet the locals in a new place, you are absorbing their culture
and perspectives - something that is nearly impossible to do when you're
secluded in a luxury resort all the time, or stuck on a tour bus with people
from your home country/city.

This perspective IMHO enriches oneself and allows us to understand what makes
other people tick - and I firmly believe that if people took more time to
figure out how other people think, the world would have a lot fewer problems.

------
abalashov
It sounds like the author has a bit of a double standard; she wants to be left
alone, but is admittedly "challenged" by situations in which the people around
her are, in accordance with their own nature, indisposed to talk to her even
_were_ she want to them to do so (the scene at the cafe in Linz).

This sort of reminds me of some of the discursive space surrounding flirting
and sexual behaviour in public. "I want them to want me - but only at a
distance, not for real," or, "I just want to feel sexy, not actually get into
anything," or, "Look, but don't touch." Same sort of logic, minus the arguably
prurient focus.

In other words: look, lady - shit or get off the pot. You want to be an
introvert? Fine. In that case, don't subconsciously demand to be fighting off
eager companions with an umbrella all the time so that you can feel "besieged"
and whine about how you wish people wouldn't be so presumptuous about your
purpose in traveling.

If she's an introvert only comfortable among extroverts who won't go away,
there's a deeper psychological issue here.

~~~
mcantelon
Even introverts require some social interaction. They simply require much less
social interaction than extroverts.

I didn't get the impression that she was complaining about people not
interacting with her, but simply illustrating that all cultures aren't as
extroverted as American culture.

~~~
xtho
I don't quite understand though why she expected people who probably don't
speak or don't like to speak English, to engage in a conversation.

------
yason
I'm an introvert and of course that's how I travel! I walk, sit, and enjoy. I
still meet enough interesting people over time but they're comparatively few
and far between -- on the other hand, that just perfectly suits my introverted
taste.

I hope the author of the article will learn to live and travel without bearing
such a useless and futile reactive pattern as shame.

------
Aron
Oh! I am an introvert and I don't care. Happy all alone which would give you a
scare. Maybe you're an extrovert, I still don't care. Unless your also Swiss,
with long blonde hair!

------
c00p3r
There are another one simple explanation of why it is so beautiful to travel
alone - when you are walking alone you can see, instead of being involved in
endless and useless chating.

The Buddha said 'If you do not have a company of the wise - walk alone'. It
seems like the motto of a introverts.

~~~
omarchowdhury
What the fuck is this self righteous thing that people have over others that
they come to such generalizations?

Seriously, I saw it in that meditation article too.

Is there not a perspective to be gained from the people who produce "endless
and useless chatting" (Also you do not know the context of people's chats. Nor
do you know why they are chatting. Nor do you know how this chatting makes
them feel. Nor do you know what is going to come out of this chatting. It is
not fair to call it useless and endless.)?

How can one be wise if one shuns oneself from whatever one _thinks and feels_
is activity below them?

Having a specific criteria as to what is considered "wise" is also pretty
fucking stupid.

~~~
RiderOfGiraffes
Wow, time to switch to decaf.

I'll address what points I can find, though. Note these, like those in the
article, are personal opinions. Often these are given to help others
understand a different point of view. I hope you take that into consideration.

I agreed with pretty much everything in the article. I'm often forced by non-
optional social convention to spend time with others. Frequently I find their
chatter incomprehensible, irrelevant, content-free, trivial, or some
combination of these. There is an occasional gem, but on the whole, the return
is pretty poor.

I'm sure these people are doing something they find useful and rewarding, but
I feel that I shouldn't be forced into the position of having to tolerate it.
Why should their preferences hold over mine? Why shouldn't I be left in the
peace I crave, and let them chatter with others that appreciate and benefit
from it?

No, I get forced to join in.

I don't think or feel that it's below me. Perhaps it's above me! What I do
know after years of being forced to endure it is that it doesn't benefit me,
and life's too short to do things of such poor return. This isn't a judgement
of their worth - it's a recognition of my traits.

I'd guess you're about 18 to 20 years of age and have your whole life ahead of
you to figure out what works for you and what doesn't. You should make sure
you get a wide range of experience. I, on the other hand, probably have around
10,000 productive days left, and I really don't want to waste them.

Please, don't make me.

------
TriinT
If you're an introverted traveler who actually enjoys talking to the locals
and getting to know people, then join

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CouchSurfing>

or

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hospitality_Club>

I am a member of both, and I have had a wonderful time traveling around Europe
and meeting great people in every city I happened to visit. I am not very good
at starting conversations with strangers at youth hostels either, so CS and HC
have been wonderful to me.

~~~
maneesh
what's your couchsurfing username? I'm at
<http://www.couchsurfing.org/people/maneesh/>

