
Ask HN: I'm depressed, what should I do? - throwaway8891
I am 30 years old, working in customer service. I don&#x27;t like that job at all. I always feel tensed and depressed. I always wanted to become a developer. In last 10 years I tried to learn several programming languages such c++, visual basic, c#, php, JavaScript on my own. I failed to learn any of these lanagauges. I know a bit about building websites. I am very much interested in learning any programming language that can help me build good future. I don&#x27;t know what to do. I am looking for advice.
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phakding
I could never learn coding by just learning coding. The way I learn coding is
by creating something. If you want to learn Java for example, think of a small
project that might interest you and then build it. You will learn to use the
tool (Java in this case) as you go along.

I have observed in myself that I am happier when I have goals. Getting over
depression is probably not a goal in itself. I set goals for myself and then
work on them. The journey becomes more enjoyable than achieving goals. To give
you an example, last year I had two goals, to run half marathon and trek to Mt
Everest base camp. Took me over 6 months of preparation. I probably spent 2-3
hours everyday thinking, scheming, working out etc. I achieved both of those,
but I enjoyed the obsession more.

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jackfraser
> I am 30 years old, working in customer service. I don't like that job at
> all. I always feel tensed and depressed.

I can empathize with this. My brother faced the same situation. It is hard to
face an uphill battle against an unforgiving public every day. You're right to
try to get out and the time is ripe to do so.

> I failed to learn any of these lanagauges.

You need to dig deep and analyze your past failure, and learn from it. What do
you think kept you from successfully learning a language?

\- Cognitive: were some of the concepts too difficult or too poorly explained,
causing a stumbling block you couldn't get past?

\- Breadth: did it seem like too big of an effort, resulting in an
intimidation effect you couldn't overcome?

\- Goals or the lack thereof: did you make decent starting progress, but not
find something concrete to work on that was within your capabilities?

\- Patience and persistence: did you make some progress and then find yourself
unwilling to stick with it long enough to see it through?

In general, the way to learn a language is to come up with a small (and I mean
small!) first project that is well within your understanding conceptually, and
then tackle it with your new language. When you get stuck, get reading, and
stick to your guns. The feeling of success needs to work as your inspiration.

If overcoming the small roadblocks with a learning victory doesn't give you a
bit of a rush and some energy to keep going, though, this might not be the
path for you. There's no shame in that; there are still plenty of other
directions to take your life in that don't involve programming.

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uptown
I'm sure if you ask anyone on this site they'll tell you they've failed at
lots of things -- some programming related, and some not. The good news is
that you're only 30, and you have plenty more time to both succeed and fail at
lots of other things.

I suggest you try to disassociate your quest to learn to program from your
dissatisfaction with your current job. Maybe you can learn enough about
software development to change careers but you're putting an immense amount of
pressure on yourself to learn, which may make it harder.

Now, for programming - I suggest you consider working through some online
tutorials. Pick a free tutorial on the web or in a book which is a beginner
lesson. Start with something complex enough to feel like you've achieved
something, but easy enough where you won't give up. If you get stuck - ask
questions on StackOverflow.com or another online support forum. If you know
someone who can program, ask them for their help. The early days of learning
to program are very easy to get bogged down in the tools you need to configure
to get things working, or the syntax nuances where an errant symbol leave what
you're working on entirely broken. This is entirely normal, and while it's
frustrating -- when you eventually figure out what's wrong, you're actually
learning to program.

Good luck! And if you do feel depressed, please consider talking to a
professional qualified to help you navigate those feelings. Work can be
challenging, no matter what you're doing, but taking the initiative to ask for
help from others should be commended.

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throwaway8891
Thank you all for your advice. What is the programming language I should begin
learning?

~~~
ILikeConemowk
Ruby or Python IMHO.

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JoeAltmaier
Exercise is a great start. Everything seems more doable after a 20-mile bike
ride.

~~~
apotatopot
This is actually really good advice. You don't have to do a 20 mile bike ride
to start, though. I was extremely depressed about two years ago. I started
writing poetry just to get my thoughts on paper. As that helped me feel
better, I started jogging. First walking most of the 35 min, then running more
and more. After I started jogging, I started eating better and losing weight.
Each little bit helps.

There's obviously a lot more to mental health than that, and it won't help
everyone, but anything's worth a shot.

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greatatuin
Hey! Here's what has helped me with mental health having just been through a
rough time...

\- Exercise, exercise, exercise.

\- Sleep quality. Look at all the sleep tips out there and make sure you are
getting good sleep.

\- Learn controlled breathing to help when tense. The 4-7-8 breathing when
done properly and for 8 good breathes helps me a lot. Be sure to breathe with
your stomach (diaphragm breathing) not your chest.

\- Meditate (Headspace app, Calm app, Insight Timer, Oak)

\- Improved diet, no caffiene, very little alcohol (one drink if out with
people)

\- Socialise more. Make sure to check in with friends in person and on the
phone regularly. Social media doesn't count.

\- Try new things, go new places. Meetup.com is great.

\- I took up brazilian jiu-jitsu which has been awesome, ticks a lot of the
above boxes.

\- Look at Maslow's heirarchy of needs. Start at the bottom and start working
on improvements for each thing. The world is great with lots of opportunity.
If your feeling bad your first port of call is to look at what things your
brain and body needs that you aren't getting right now and take action.

\- Go and see a therapist and talk it out with someone. It helps a lot just to
talk about it. Don't face this alone, there's no need to do that.

\- The Youper app is pretty good too.

\- Programming is amazing in that everything you need to learn is online and
you can do it yourself. It just takes a lot of focus to stick with one thing
and see it through. Like others I recommend having an idea for a fairly simple
app, game, website whatever that you'd like to build. Pick a popular
technology for building that type of thing and go with it.

If you want a rough idea of how popular something is, see how many questions
for it have been posted on stackoverflow.com in the last week.
[https://stackoverflow.com/tags](https://stackoverflow.com/tags)

Forget about being good or doing things the proper way. Just hack your project
together little bit by little bit by googling and asking for help on websites
like stackoverflow.com and forums. Just build something! It will probably be
crappy but you'll learn a ton and be proud of the accomplishment.

