
Rejection Therapy: A Hundred Days of 'No' - eplanit
http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-01-07/rejection-therapy-a-hundred-days-of-no#r=else-fs
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potatolicious
This is great - I've tried an (easier) offshoot of this idea a while back and
it resulted in a lot of personal growth.

I tasked myself with taking a portrait of a stranger every day. It was
terrifying to start with, walking up to complete strangers and asking to take
a picture of them, and it took me 1-2h each day before finding the picture. By
the time I wrapped up the project I took that down to 30 min, and didn't even
break a sweat. My rejection rate also went way, way down, and I was able to
get much better pictures than the "man, this is awwwwwkward" images from the
beginning of the project.

The one thing to note though, is that (at least for me) the effects of this
kind of "therapy" aren't permanent. Once you take away the regular stimulus of
putting yourself out there, you fall back into your normal steady state.

~~~
roel_v
This may seem like a detail, but do you ask people "hey can I take a picture
with you for this project I'm doing on getting pictures with other people", or
do you just ask "hey can I take a picture with you"? Maybe you've tried both -
does one work better over the other?

~~~
potatolicious
The former. This is also why I think my project was substantially easier than
what's in the article - when you're doing the _same_ thing everyday you get a
lot of feedback as to what works and what doesn't.

There are also a lot of other cues that determine how likely someone is to say
yes, and if so, how awkward they will be. After a while you learn to spot
people who (due to typical Seattle politeness) will probably say yes, but be
uncomfortable in doing so. I ended up avoiding them for the most part.

~~~
bpatrianakos
I think your project was also easier because of how you approached it, not
just the fact that you did the same thing each day. When you say "hey can you
take a picture with me for a project" you're giving people a reason for the
request and they have this sort of understanding. They may still wonder what
the project is and think it's weird but that small detail makes all the
difference to me. Now if you were to approach people and say "Can I take a
picture with you?" and leave it at that then I'm willing to bet the "no" rate
would go up, it would be more challenging, and maybe the tolerance to
rejection would be a bit better.

I don't want to sound like I'm knocking your method because I'm not and lord
knows I'm in need of some serious rejection therapy too and haven't done
anything close to what you did. I think that's a pretty cool project and I
might try it except I won't tell people why I'm asking the question.

~~~
potatolicious
> _"They may still wonder what the project is and think it's weird but that
> small detail makes all the difference to me."_

It absolutely does. That said, the guy in the article could also very much say
something like "I have a personal project where I make an outlandish request
every day" and probably gotten more "yes"es.

It's all in the intent - I wasn't out there strictly to get rejected, I was
out there to take some cool pictures for a project, and learn a few things
about cold-approaching people and handling failure. It wasn't intended as
rejection therapy, though it did seem like that in the beginning ;)

------
DanielN
Slightly off topic but I enjoyed this and it is a great example of self
promotion, something a lot of people here are interested in:

The most recent video on Jia's site is of him asking to race someone. He walks
up to a high schooler and his personal trainer explains himself and asks to
race one of them. As soon as Jia mentions he is a blogger the trainer without
making a direct reference to it casually unzips his jacket to reveal a
sweatshirt with the name and logo of his company on it.

It tickled me and made me strangely proud that now because of this man's quick
opportune thinking and the happenstance that someone decided to write an
article about Jia, likely thousands more people than have ever before will
click through and visit <http://rwa-texas.com/> .

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Firehed
This seems like a really useful, proactive approach to getting over your
hangups and learning to just ask for what you want (I've had people ask me for
some pretty crazy things a couple of times, and I'm sure they were surprised
when I actually said yes).

Given that some of us are less creative than others and aren't particularly
interested in repeating the same handful of things mentioned in the article a
dozen times each, do any of the fine, good-looking folks of Hacker News any
additional suggestions? Would anyone else be interested in undertaking the
same challenge?

~~~
sharkweek
In college -- we had this friend, let's call him Jason.

Jason, despite average looks and wit would literally talk to any girl who
would even make eye contact with him. He'd get right into it, chatting about
this and that, using the dumbest pickup lines. His intentions were almost
always to just get a number so he wasn't that creepy. He was fearless when it
came to walking right up to a girl and just trying to get them to talk to him,
no matter how many times they'd ignore him, tease him, etc. A lot of people
enjoyed his confidence. He truthfully didn't come across as a jerk or
anything, so anyone that would give him a few moments, might end up enjoying
at least the conversation, if nothing else.

I remember chatting with him about it after a few nights out, and he just said
how quickly he learned to get over rejection after just _experiencing_ it;
making the point that it really wasn't _THAT_ bad, almost making a joke out of
it. And truth be told, by the end of college, I am pretty convinced he ended
up with more numbers in his phone than any of us other guys combined, for
whatever that's worth.

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wiradikusuma
This is interesting! I'm inspired to do the same (videotaping) to promote my
dating website <http://www.ngajakjalan.com> (for Indonesians). Like, I talk to
random girls I meet on the street (or shopping complex).

Some questions for those who have tried this kind of thing:

1\. Obviously you should conceal your camera. Any suggestion on how to do
this? I'm thinking of using my iPod's camera. Put in my shirt's pocket while
the camera is on with the lens facing forward? Or use special camera for this
purpose?

2\. Is it legal to record and publish it on YouTube? How to make it legal?
Blur the person's face?

~~~
gadders
Errr - that sounds a bit creepy to me.

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rsheridan6
A lot of these requests, if fulfilled, would get the person who granted it in
trouble with their jobs, and I'm sure a lot of the requests make the target
uncomfortable. This is perilously close to "Being an Asshole Therapy."

~~~
alanctgardner2
I don't think it's being an asshole; the flip side of getting used to hearing
'no' is getting used to saying 'no'. People like the security guard he asked
for $100 are probably pretty used to it. Maybe not so much the guy whose house
he played soccer at, but he had a 'home field' advantage, in that he was
safely in his house. In general it seems like he approached people when they
were in a comfortable place, so he was at a disadvantage.

As someone who worked retail for a number of years, unless the store was
packed with people I wouldn't have flat-out refused him a weird request, I
probably just would've escalated it. Touring warehouses is unlikely, though,
because of health and safety restrictions. But the doughnuts one is perfectly
reasonable even without asking a manager.

You probably ask people for things every day that make them uncomfortable.
Getting used to that sort of repulsed reaction is probably harder than dealing
with the actual 'no', so I think it's an important part of the project.

------
wellpast
The article is about this site:

[http://www.entresting.com/blog/100-days-of-rejection-
therapy...](http://www.entresting.com/blog/100-days-of-rejection-therapy/)

~~~
johnthebeloved
The actual game Rejection Therapy is here: <http://rejectiontherapy.com> and
the rules (well, rule... there is only one) is here:
<http://rejectiontherapy.com/rules/>

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eranation
This is by the way the startup he works on <http://www.hooplus.com> according
to his site

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jiajiang
Guys, I am the blogger in this article. Thank you for your interest in my
story. I read YN quite a bit. For those of you who have your investment
requests or YC application rejected, just know that I understand your pain.
Don't give up and do things that make you stronger. Miracles might happen in
rejection.

------
uladzislau
This is a great talk about Rejection Therapy:
<http://www.jasonshen.com/tag/rejection-therapy/> You'd be surprised to learn
how much you can get by simply asking!

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bluekite2000
I dont understand how this is any kind of therapy. If anything all the
rejections should make you more adverse to going up and talking to strangers

~~~
thenomad
Not really. Most people's aversion to things with rejection potential come
from unfounded fears of rejection. They believe that rejection will be far
worse than it is, have shame-related issues with rejection, and so on.

Concentratedly going out and asking people for stuff is a great way to a)
prove to yourself that rejection isn't all that bad and b) prove that
sometimes (often) you won't get rejected at all.

~~~
bluekite2000
Have you actually done it at all?

~~~
thenomad
Not specifically the "rejection therapy" the article talks about, but I've
done similar things - such as spending a few solid days cold-calling local
businesses and asking them to sponsor a film.

Conditioning works. It works in martial arts - Krav Maga and MMA both have
variants on the "stand there and get hit" drill, and it does indeed teach you
to be less afraid of being hit. It works in the PUA world, and generally in
becoming better at talking to the opposite sex. And it works in rejection
therapy. Do something that's likely to get you rejected a lot, do it for a
fair while, and you'll come out of it less afraid of doing things that might
result in a rejection.

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welcomebrand
Would he not be better off spending 100 days making his product more fundable?

~~~
TeMPOraL
Financially? Maybe. As a person? Doubt it.

------
taybin
The idea of quitting his job four days before his first child is born and
letting his wife support the family for six months is monstrously selfish.

We don't know the details, but that's time that she should be spending with
her baby.

~~~
binxbolling
Maybe, just maybe, the two adults involved here should have more input on
their own family than you, Mr. Random Internet Stranger?

~~~
taybin
Maybe his wife should have given him the first "no".

