
Ask HN: What are you doing to make your kid more successful? - searchableguy
Just a general question to see what metrics you use to measure the success for your kids or how they see it. And what things are you doing to improve their progress.
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japhyr
Are you asking this in the context of schools being closed right now? I'll
answer it that way, since that's the reality for most of us.

I spent 25 years teaching math and science from 5th grade through high school.
I taught many cross-disciplinary classes as well, so I'm comfortable teaching
writing and something about most subject areas. But my first priority with my
kid (9yo) at this time is how he's feeling each day. When our kids grow up and
look back on this time, the first thing they're going to remember is how they
felt during this time. Did they feel safe? Loved? Listened to? Those things
are going to be seared into their minds much more than whether they got
stronger at math or reading or any other academic area.

So each day when my kid asks, "What are we doing for school today?" the first
thing I say is, "How are you this morning? What have you been thinking about?"
Some days we end up jumping right into learning activities. But some days we
spend most of the time just talking, and answering his questions. And to be
perfectly honest, some days we just cry together for a little while.

All that said, this is probably the only time in life where we'll be
homeschooling. So rather than focusing on information and individual
assignments that the school is providing, I'm focusing on critical thinking
habits, and other ways of understanding that should set him up to enjoy school
and do well. We're doing longer writing activities - watch an episode of your
favorite show, then write a summary of what you watched. How did the story
begin? What was the source of tension in the episode? How was the tension
resolved? Were there any interesting subplots? That allowed us to develop a
writing process, with a focus on revision and conversations about knowing your
audience and defining a level of quality to aim for. With math, I got him a
beam compass for Christmas, so we took that out and learned to use it. Then he
measured diameters and circumferences, divided c by d, and discovered pi. Fun
constructivist activities like that will do a lot more for his long term
relationship with math than a bunch of drill activities will.

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raarts
Do not overprotect them. Teach them that life will throw you curve balls, but
they can get back on their feet. You can only learn to keep your balance if
you have fallen a lot.

Teach them not to blame others - or circumstances - for bad things that happen
to them. Teach them to take responsibility for their actions and not to ask
for handouts.

By the way we were strict when they were little, so we had enough slack to
give them space when they rebelled in their teens.

(3 kids, 2 have great jobs in IT, one is a high school math teacher, all three
are successful and valued members of society).

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etherio
I'm 15 so no kids yet but I can still give my perspective. Don't become
obsessed with making your kid successful but make sure they are happy first.
Especially in these trying times it's important they feel you are there for
them. Try to find things they enjoy doing and help them discover different
ways of creation but don't push something they don't like.

For example, I discovered programming with my dad's help and I like it so much
that I am constantly learning more on my own now.

Finding something they are motivated in is 10x more useful than forcing them
to do something they don't enjoy.

~~~
135792468
I wish I had my head on straight enough at 15 to dish out solid advice like
this.

~~~
etherio
Haha don't worry :)

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mjthrowaway1
Enabling her to pursue her interests. She’s 13 and has wanted to be an author
for years. She’s fairly bright and is in all the highest difficulty classes at
her school. Unfortunately, her honors English class isn’t challenging. So I
looked for summer writing workshops and did the leg work figuring out what the
pros and cons of each program are.

Then I did the research and found a public arts high school in the area that’s
45 minutes away. Encouraged her to apply. Next year I’ll be driving her to
school in the morning.

I think the most important thing you can do as a parent is do the leg work for
them. Passion doesn’t translate to an ability to navigate bureaucracy or take
initiative to do something outside the norm. I felt that I would’ve been much
better off growing up if my parents had helped me find a math & science school
to go to instead of tell me to find one and then they’ll look into it for me.
I never did because I was too young to navigate that whole process.

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brudgers
Happiness and kindness as metrics. Not where I started out. But that’s what
parenting did to me, changed the way I see the world. YMMV. Good luck.

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dpeck
Just letting them “be”, and guide their learning themselves. And taking more
time to call them over to watch me do something like using socket wrench to
tighten up some bolts in a dining room chair, or see me or my spouse making
something in the kitchen.

We’ve also found some great stuff in my Great Courses subscription that do a
great job teaching math or listening to classic children’s stories that he’s
been interested in, but overall just letting him drive whatever he wants to do
for the most part.

If we’re still doing this in the fall maybe we get more structure, but for now
I’m more interested in letting my kid be a kid, especially since he can’t play
with his friends.

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nteunckens
1\. Critical Thinking 2. STEM-fields 3. Stimulate creativity ... At any age /
stage in life, I feel these would be most helpful. Rather than elaborating
with lots of (incomplete) arguments, I would invite anyone to just think about
those (or your own suggestions) for a while and think where they would be
purposeful in todays world, with pandemics, fake news, social media, the
modern days obession with achieving happiness ...

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Antoninus
I'm measuring their success in general happiness and how positively they
affect other people.

To improve their progress, I try and support their interests and goals.
Maximizing the time and opportunity to pursue each activity.

My parents were both in regulated professions and they provided with the same
upbringing. My partner and I are both in STEM (developer and data scientist)
we both hope that they don't have follow the same in the path but its very
likely with all the tech lying around the house. Either way, I just want to
see them happy.

