
Ask HN: Learnings from Dale Carnegie, "How To Win Friends And Influence People" - brlewis
If you've read Dale Carnegie, can you share what eye-opening things you learned, and what principles you now practice having read it?  I read it a few years back and now find I can't remember anything specifically from it.
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robdimarco
# There is only one way to get people to do something. You have to make them
want to do it.

# People love to hear their name. When someone tells you their name, remember
it and call them by it

# When someone asks you what you do, or what's new, have a good upbeat answer.
No one wants to hear about your problems.

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sganesh
I personally visualize & associate them and use them as much as i can:) I
believe smiling is the single most important thing of the list.

Here are the first nine principles with Number - Keyword - Visualization
Technique :)

#1 Don't criticize, condemn or complain : One - RUN- A horse in a race
crossing the finish line with THREE GOLDEN BOOTS on top it, with "C"
imprinted.

#2 Give honest, sincere appreciation : Two - ZOO - You're vising a zoo and
standing buy a monkey cage. You throw a banana at the monkey and monkey throws
back a bouquet of ROSES.

#3 Arouse in the other person an eager want : Three - TREE- You're in front of
the Rockefeller Christmas tree. All of a sudden, the tree falls to the ground
and there is a WANTED poster with your picture on top of it.

#4 Become genuinely interested in other people : Four - DOOR - You're walking
out of a grand hotel, through their revolving door, when the door gets stuck
in a stack of 25% INTEREST bearing treasury notes :)

#5 Smile : Five - HIVE - You're out hiking and come across this huge cave,
with a gigantic bee hive on it, with bees buzzing around it. Out that bee
hive, sticks out a big yellow SMILEY face.

#6 Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most
important sound in any language : Six - SICK- You're sick and are admitted to
the hospital. The nurse brings the syringe and it is about 10 feet tall with a
3 feet needle attached to it. Out of the needle a NAME PLATE is dripping out.

#7 Be a good listener : Seven - HEAVEN - You look up and see something coming
down. It's a flight of stairs. Tumbling down the stairs, is a pair of old HEAD
PHONES, that are huge.

#8 Talk in terms of the other person's interests : Eight - GATE - You're about
to cross a railway gate. The bells start ringing and the gate comes down on
the bonnet with a thud. Attached to the gate is a MICROPHONE.

#9 Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely: Nine - WINE -
You're dining in an upscale restaurant. The waiter brings you a big bottle of
wine on which is it is imprinted "IMPORTED".

Hope it helps.

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faramarz
_Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person._

This is by far the best advice Carnegie made. If you want to get people to
level with you, first you need to let them know you yourself are vulnerable,
make mistakes and are very much like the opposing party.

Once your each that level, the other party is more prone to listen to what you
have to say next. Be it a suggestion, criticism or a direct order.

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JacobAldridge
The best, and most dangerous, lesson I took was the value in 'mirroring' the
person you are speaking with. Subtly mirroring their body language and speech
patterns shows empathy, similarity etc, and since I wasn't naturally great at
body language I found it really useful as I entered the business world.

Unfortunately, this habit ended up becoming second nature. While in many
situations this was great - I just naturally found commonality in discussions
- because I wasn't doing it intentionally it could become inappropriate.

One of my coworkers was flirting with me incessantly, and not only didn't I
notice that behaviour _I was actually mirroring it back_. My girlfriend (now
beautiful wife) met me for lunch one day and was ready to kill me (fair
enough). Thankfully we worked through to the root cause - this book - and I
changed the habit.

That doesn't take away from the book, it just shows that any of the lessons
therein and discussed here will be most useful when you have a level of self-
awareness that I was lacking, and which will help you apply them
appropriately.

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hajrice
I practically use all the points to get girls and tbh, it goes really good for
me.

