
My Mom’s Suicide Was Preventable - gok
https://www.wsj.com/articles/my-moms-suicide-was-preventable-1528929056
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rhcom2
> "David later wrote a beautiful tribute to his father, offering the insight
> that his dad "was impacted by the sense, so prevalent in our society, that
> depression is somehow a character flaw rather than an illness." He believes
> that's what kept his father, a psychologist, from seeking help, along with
> many others."

Can we talk more specifically about the sense that suicide is a failure? I've
seen many responses to recent public suicides about that depression is a
struggle and not to be stigmatized and in the same breath write suicide off as
a "selfish" choice (like somehow it's a rational decision?), a choice only for
someone who has given up and is a failure.

If we want people to be open and honest about what they are struggling with we
can take the stigma off of all parts of mental illness.

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hristov
People keep saying that "the stigma surrounding mental illness keeps many with
depression from seeking treatment". This is probably true for a lot of people
but it is very unlikely for Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain.

They were both very well to do and they were both in industries where having a
psychiatrist is not stigmatized, it is practically a presumed fact.

The public is unlikely to ever know what treatment they were undergoing and
what drugs they were using, but I do hope the FDA keeps track of these things.
Antidepressants have been known to cause suicide.

I do not know the details, but from the little information I do know I think
over treatment or improper treatment is a much more likely reason for those
suicides than lack of treatment.

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lazerpants
I didn't know Kate Spade or Anthony Bourdain but saw familiar threads in their
suicides, as my mother took her own life at age 51.

Spade had spoken to her father the night before and was looking forward to a
trip to California. Bourdain was in one of his favorite countries, France,
working on his television show. My mother, struggling through her third and
failing marriage, had arrived at a plan to get back on her feet, supported by
friends and family.

People were shocked when Spade and Bourdain hanged themselves, she in her New
York apartment, he in a hotel room in Strasbourg. No one saw it coming when --
a day after expressing optimism about her future -- my mother drove into the
desert, connected a hose to her pickup's exhaust pipe, strung it through the
cab's back window and died of carbon-monoxide poisoning.

Spade left a note, reportedly telling her 13-year-old daughter it wasn't her
fault. My mother wrote a letter, expressing pride in her five children,
telling her grandchildren she loved them, and absolving her family for her
decision.

These final messages won't assuage the irrepressible sense of guilt and shame
that family and friends feel after a suicide: I should have known. If only I
had paid attention. I should have done something.

Except you aren't responsible. Suicide is the most personal, solitary decision
a human being can make. Whether the culmination of a long decline or a shock
like a thunderbolt on a clear day, suicide is often driven by depression,
anxiety, drug addiction or other mental disorders. Yet it is among the most
preventable causes of death in the U.S. today.

Shortly after I wrote about my mother's death in a memoir, I received a
gracious email from David Axelrod. We had never met, but it turned out we had
more in common than working in the White House, he for Barack Obama and I for
George W. Bush. David's father died by suicide when David was 19, and police
came to his college dorm room to ask him to identify the body.

David later wrote a beautiful tribute to his father, offering the insight that
his dad "was impacted by the sense, so prevalent in our society, that
depression is somehow a character flaw rather than an illness." He believes
that's what kept his father, a psychologist, from seeking help, along with
many others.

Spade talked about a continuing sadness, family members said. My mother wrote
in her suicide note that she was "very tired, deep inside tired." A study by
the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that many people resorted
to suicide after problems in a relationship, or amid stress over work,
physical health or finances. Substance abuse is also a major trigger. Such
challenges may bring on depression or make an underlying depression worse.

The stigma surrounding mental illness keeps many with depression from seeking
treatment. Who would refuse treatment for any other life-threatening disease
if a physician could say: "We've caught it in time, we can deal with it and
you don't need to die from it"?

On the practical front, anyone who feels suicidal should ask for help before
taking an action from which there is no return. The number for the National
Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Veterans can then dial
1. People are available 24 hours a day. The website SpeakingOfSuicide.com
offers important resources. If you or someone you know feels suicidal, talk to
a doctor or mental-health professional. Call family, clergy or friends. Dial
911 if necessary.

The smart woman from Kansas City with a wonderful smile created joy for many
with her stylish, sophisticated handbags. The tall cook with curly gray hair
and a jutting jawline introduced millions to the world's food and drink. We
know their stories, but must not forget that 863 other Americans -- most of
them less famous, but no less valuable as human beings -- died by suicide last
week too, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

To those who contemplate suicide, realize the world won't be better for your
absence. There will be a child, spouse or parent, a colleague or co-worker,
neighbor or friend who will miss you more than you know. Despair can be
overwhelming, but it is not permanent. We all need others to walk beside us in
difficult moments. And remember, you are precious in the eyes of God and those
who love you.

\---

Mr. Rove helped organize the political-action committee American Crossroads
and is the author of "The Triumph of William McKinley" (Simon & Schuster,
2015).

Credit: By Karl Rove

Word count: 773 (c) 2018 Dow Jones & Company, Inc. Reproduced with permission
of copyright owner. Further reproduction or distribution is prohibited without
permission.

~~~
Jpoliachik
Fantastic post. Nothing to add, other than thanks for sharing.

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lgats
[https://www.fullwsj.com/articles/my-moms-suicide-was-
prevent...](https://www.fullwsj.com/articles/my-moms-suicide-was-
preventable-1528929056)

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zajd
So were the deaths of a million civilian Iraqis, Mr Rove

~~~
WaxProlix
This is getting downvoted and it makes sense, but I think that the source of
this article does sort of taint the sentimentality of what's being said. It
comes across differently, and this post (while definitely not 100% on topic)
helped to inform my take on the submission. So maybe it's not dead-worthy?

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kreutz
"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself
doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that
life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems
suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain
unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will
eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about
people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great
height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing
speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of
falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s
flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the
slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror
of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling
‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to
have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way
beyond falling." -David Foster Wallace

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mnm1
I wish HN would disallow paywalled submissions. One paragraph articles have no
substance and cannot be discussed. Nor do the old tricks work. Normally I
wouldn't post something like this, but WSJ especially and paywalled articles
in general are just noise. I hope people kill this garbage.

