
Ask HN: Have my fears been confirmed? - bobjones333
I have always doubted whether I would be a successful programmer; in high school I excelled in history and politics. I pursued a BA, not a BS, in CS in college, and am doing reasonably well because of my effort. I have had some rough spots where I considered changing majors, but stuck with it, and learned some c,java,python, and sql in the process.  I doubt my own skills not because two months ago I started my Internship, and I messed it up terribly. The first two weeks I was not given a lot of work because my team was already in the middle of a huge project. My mentor told me to read the code. I did, but was slow to start, because I did not know where to begin, and slow to understand. By 3 weeks, I understood some of what junit tests and what spring was, two concepts heavily used in the code base, but could not really contribute. However, I would volunteer for a few little tasks each week. I also had a horrible habit of sleeping late, so I would show up to work tired and unmotivated. I told myself that I was reading the code, but really I round be distracted on my phone, ensnared in theology and history books. My manager was so stressed that I could get away with this. So I was listless and useless for a few weeks. Towards the end, my manager gave me two small projects, and I did each, although I was not good with keeping tabs with him each day. When I finished each, I wanted to show him, but he was not interested. I learned today that during this weeks where I would lazily “read code,” he was expecting me to take initiative and come up with ideas. I also should have not kept sleeping late. I just blew a six figure job away. I feel stupid and entitled (why was I so sure I would get a return offer?), but now feel the need for personal discipline and to really start coding and reading coding books in my free time. I sort of dislike school thoug, and am afraid, with my BA, that I blew my lucky break
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ben509
Yeah, you blew it, don't do that again.

Fix the easy stuff first. Get to sleep at a reasonable hour, wake your dumb
ass up, and then focus on getting out the door as quick as possible. Aim to
arrive earlier than most people. Get in the habit of prepping your shit the
night before.

Instead of reading code passively, do experiments and show it to people, talk
about what you're reading. When you're working, commit early and often so
people see you're doing things. Ask lots of questions, but do so by doing
something and checking that it's right.

Your problems were very visible. So when you fix them, it will also be very
obvious that you fixed them. People will see you coming in early, they'll see
you being proactive. And you're fresh out of college, so your change in
behavior will fit their assumptions about a young person maturing.

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ismaelbej
You should try again, be more disciplined, more eager to learn. Ask your
coworkers for advice, every job has his own particularities about what they
expect from you.

