

Ask HN: are these warning signs in a cofounder, or am I paranoid? - castingthedie

I&#x27;m a fairly regular poster here but using an anonymous account because this feels too intimate (or maybe stupid?) to post under my own name...<p>I&#x27;m starting a new company to productize some code that I&#x27;ve been working on for a while. I&#x27;ve got a small seed investment negotiated but not yet in the bank, and I&#x27;ve also been talking with a potential cofounder.<p>This guy is someone I&#x27;ve known personally for a long time but we&#x27;ve never worked together. Initially I was happy that he&#x27;d be coming along for the ride, he&#x27;s easy to get along with and understands the technical stuff, but now I&#x27;m getting second thoughts. Here&#x27;s what irks me:<p>* He&#x27;s hard to reach. He can go several days without returning my calls.<p>* He&#x27;s still applying for another job. I get the impression that the startup is just his plan B because he&#x27;s not ready to make the decision until he&#x27;s got a &#x27;yes&#x27; or &#x27;no&#x27; from the potential job.<p>- He thinks we can get a better seed investment somewhere else and wants to turn down the offer I got. He doesn&#x27;t have any experience in getting funding, though.<p>I once did a startup with three other founders that failed because it turned out that I was the only one doing technical work, the others were basically PowerPoint idea jockeys. I guess that&#x27;s why I&#x27;m feeling particularly insecure about hooking up with a cofounder again...<p>My intuition about cofounders failed once, so am I walking into the same trap? Or am I just paranoid?
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nickler
From my experience of multiple partnerships in multiple start-ups, regular,
constant communication is one of the key components to success.

In startups, the work isn't just about keystrokes, and it's not just about
sales, it's about solving problems, quickly. From what you've said, it doesn't
look like this is a fit.

It's a marriage once you're in it. Cast a wide net, be picky, get out there
and date for awhile. Hate to be cliche, but there are plenty of fish.

Find someone who will fight as hard for it as you will, who will fight hard to
earn and maintain your respect, and will communicate with you.

Don't be his start-up booty call.

~~~
castingthedie
Thanks for the advice. The dating/marriage analogy seems surprisingly fitting.
I definitely wouldn't be rushing into a relationship with such doubts...

I'm not in a desperate position either. There's no reason why I can't get
started on my own and look for a cofounder while at it. It's more important
that I get out there and start conversations with customers, and the seed
money will enable that. This whole cofounder question is of secondary
importance.

I guess the popular notion that being a single founder is something to be
avoided had got to me without thinking it through.

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brudgers
The facts of what you have posted indicate that your intuition is fine. It's
your level of trust in those intuitions that's suspect.

If the seed funding offered is what you need and the terms are good enough,
then there's no reason to keep shopping. If you don't need it, or the terms
are bad, then it's another matter.

Lastly, many people will say "no" without coming out and just saying it.
Valuing a long term friendship might be a reason. Letting yourself get strung
out won't benefit either of you. Keep moving forward, maybe your friend will
be more available later. Timing is part of execution.

Good luck.

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jameshenry
These things are never easy.

I personally think concerns (1) and (2) are of issue but concern (3), of
feeling you guys can get a better seed investment, shouldn't be a concern.

For concern (1), it's one thing to be generally hard to reach, it's another to
not answer calls. Being a cofounder requires an immense amount of reliability,
if you're having doubts about his already that could lead to significant trust
issues.

Talk to him about it. Approach it in a friendly way. Being confounders, you're
going to have to have a lot of these tough conversations. I'd recommend
reading the book "Critical conversations" that gives a great number of
examples of how to deal with these situations.

[http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-
Stakes-e...](http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-
ebook/dp/B005K0AYH4/)

All the best man, hope things work out.

~~~
castingthedie
Excellent recommendation, thanks a lot!

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pjg
Hard to say with the data points you've indicated. Why is it that you want
this person as co-founder in the first place. The reasons you indicate are
likeable, understands technical stuff, someone you've known for a while. Your
concerns are he is real or perceived lack of commitment. Own views about fund
raising which are untested etc.

I suggest sit down with him and have a "heart to heart" Better have a slightly
difficult conversation early on than a much more difficult conversation later
on. Impress on him that you have experience in fund raising and from the
outside it always looks easy but its only when you go through the gauntlet
that you realize what it is.

Good luck!

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OafTobark
I've had good cofounders and bad cofounders so below are my take but as
always, take everything with a grain of salt.

When you work with people who truly hustle and are putting in their time to
get things done, it is VERY noticeable. Anything short of this, is also very
noticeable in its own way.

I've met significantly more people who are less engaged than I have people who
are on point and pushing things forward. Once you've worked with both types of
people, you generally get a feel for the difference and what you are truly
looking for.

Without knowing anything else, I can personally say that if I were in your
shoes, I would not be happy working with said person moving forward. The
biggest red flag is the inability to reach a person. That is never okay in my
book.

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stevewillows
Do you need a co-founder? The biggest concern for me would be the contact.
Also, if you don't have a similar idea of commitment, it will go sour quickly.

You should go with your gut.

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meerita
IMHO he's not fully into.

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X4
If you cannot reach your co-founder by call, he should not be your co-founder.
I have made the experience that people who once prove that they are
unreliable, remain unreliable. I also made the experience that people who you
really believe are your friends, may see you as a riding horse or tool. When
the time comes that you realize that by getting fooled heartlessly, this will
shock you, because loosing trust in a friend is one of the most shocking
experiences in live. When you've read this far, you should definitely NOT
hesitate and do an overly early reaction, my experience is also that things
often change the complete meaning, when you don't share positions and
feelings. I'm fair but hard, you can be whatever you want, but do not be naive
or a tool. Stay smart and sweet-tempered =)

