
Ask HN: Lack of Meaning/Social Interaction as a Developer - anonuser15243
I am reaching out to HN because I am in a rut.<p>Long story short, I worry I’ve chosen the wrong profession given my desire for meaning, social interaction and a healthy, balanced lifestyle.<p>My experiences as a software engineer (~4 years) have been:<p>1. Meaningless - I don't feel as though I've really helped anyone other than to build some stupid widget that might make some money one day, but doesn’t contribute anything to the world.<p>2. Anti-social – I’m behind a computer all day and don't have much human interaction with clients or coworkers. My coworkers are eccentric and hard to relate to.<p>3.) Unhealthy - Bad posture, sedentary lifestyle, RSI, eye strain… the medical evidence essentially says that the average software engineer is slowly killing himself.  I'm crawling in my skin every day that I have to go in the office.<p>I've considered jobs where I could leverage my technical background towards my interests - health, photography, music etc., but I'm worried I'll end up in essentially the same spot, just writing software that happens to deal with one of my hobbies.  I've also considered a career change to medicine, athletic training, film, even construction to get me away from being chained to a desk as a software dev.<p>About me:<p>- Studied CS at a top-5 college, did well and found it challenging, exciting and fun to learn and teach.  Software in the real world has lacked the things I loved about it in college.<p>- Worked as a contractor, at a startup and a large corporation. Probably liked being a contractor the most, but there is little room for career growth as a contractor.<p>- I crave personal interaction, helping others and talking about things like ethics, policy, sports, technology.<p>- In my late 20s and could conceivably go back to school or go without income for a year or so if it put me on track towards a career that I found more fulfilling.<p>I'd appreciate any advice, thoughts or wisdom if any of you have been in a similar place.  Thanks!
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rdouble
You've described "Whatever" by Michel Houellbecq. I recommend reading it, but
it won't make you feel better about your situation.

[http://www.amazon.com/Whatever-Michel-
Houellebecq/dp/1846687...](http://www.amazon.com/Whatever-Michel-
Houellebecq/dp/1846687845)

If you feel this way there's not much you can do besides leave the industry.
In my experience, some people get rich, the eccentric co-worker types plod
along forever until they are laid off 300 pounds later, and everyone sort of
"normal" disappears off the face of the earth.

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vitovito
At some level, these problems are all solvable within yourself.

First, acknowledge that it's not your job's responsibility to provide you with
any of these things. Your job doesn't have to provide you with meaning, or
with attractive and intelligent and compelling coworkers, or with a spa-like
work environment. All your job has to provide you with is a paycheck, and
everything else is negotiable. It's up to you to demand, take, or find
elsewhere, the other things you want.

Order a standing desk and foam pad and expense them. Don't ask, just do it.
Take fifteen minute breaks every couple of hours. Don't ask, just do it. Pack
a healthy lunch every morning, take time to make yourself something nice,
package it up attractively, then walk to the nearest park to eat it, every
day, taking a full hour or 90 minutes to do so. Don't ask, just do it. Bring a
book and leave your smartphone on your desk. Show up at 9, be at your meetings
on time, get your work done, leave at 5. Don't ask, just do it. Read "How to
Live on 24 Hours a Day" by Arnold Bennett. You have eight more hours in the
day that you're not using wisely if all you're talking about here is your day
job.

And all of that is well and good, but it won't fix the root problem, which is
understanding why you're in a day job in the first place.

A day job is two levels of abstraction which you have chosen to participate
in, because it supposedly beats hunting wild animals, sleeping in caves,
risking getting eaten alive or dying young of an injury, and having to
literally fight for a mate.

A day job has its down sides: you are twice disconnected from the "real"
activities that biologically keep you alive and make you feel alive: hunting,
eating, having shelter, procreating. You don't forage for food any more, you
sit at a desk and earn a paycheck, and then you go buy food. You don't even
have to budget more than a week or two, because, hey, there's that next
paycheck.

Freelancing, at least, is an abstraction only one level deep, because you
forage for clients, and you have to budget extremely well to survive client
famine periods.

I'm not saying quit and go freelance. I'm saying understand why you're in the
day job, put it in the right context in your life, and realize that it's there
to support your search for meaning, socialization, and health in the other
eight waking hours, and other sixteen total hours, of your day.

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Mz
I read a book many years ago which suggested people have a unique pattern of
energy available for different types of activities and they function best when
they figure out how to get enough of each thing in their life but not too
much. If you need more social outlet, you can try to get that outside of work.
You can also do volunteer work to get "meaning" into your life.

If you are dead set on changing jobs or careers to resolve this, I recommend
you get a copy of "What color is your parachute?" and do some informational
interviews. As a teen, I considered becoming a physical therapist. Then I
interviewed one. It was not what I had envisioned. I am so glad I figured that
out before getting the education necessary to get the job instead of after.

We seem to generally do a poor job of helping people figure out what a job is
really all about and how to find a good fit careerwise. Some people seem to
just get lucky or try a lot of things until they stumble into something good.

You could also watch "Beyond Rangoon" and wonder what you really are looking
for in terms of meaning. Then go hurl yourself headlong into meaning.

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catorda
If you really like software engineering, I don't think a career change is
necessary.

I'd suggest finding something to do outside of work, volunteering, joining a
casual sports league, find meetups centered around your hobbies, etc. to give
your life meaning and get yourself more active.

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codeonfire
If you have the resource, just quit for six months. It will take six months to
come out of it, but it's for the best. If working as a contractor is better,
do that. Career growth is more money. Developers can take six months off and
come back and get a raise. It doesn't get much better than that.

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AznHisoka
Why was this thread downvoted, or not near the top yesterday? I saw it briefly
in the morning and was anxious to hear more responses. Come'n, respond people!
This is one of the better threads in HN!

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logn
I'd recommend a more social role building on your experience, e.g., manager,
scrum master, project manager, tech lead, customer support, sales engineer,
technical recruiter, etc.

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brianchu
In order of easiest to hardest...

For your health:

1\. Get a standing desk and foam pad (the foam pad is for your feet, because
they'll get sore without it. I think the term for them is "anti-fatigue mat").
Alternatively get a chair with proper lumbar support. When you stand, notice
how your spine curves inwards. When people sit their spines often curve
outwards (slouching). A chair with lumbar support properly pushes and supports
the spine so that it curves inwards.

2\. Google articles on proper ergonomics and adjust your keyboard and mouse
accordingly.

3\. Exercise in the morning before work. That will make you feel a lot more
refreshed. Exercising _after_ work in the evenings is all well and good, but
it feels a lot better to do it in the morning.

4\. Get enough sleep.

For work:

1\. How good of a rapport do you have with your manager/boss? If you have a
decent relationship, straight up sit down with your boss and tell him/her that
you want to have a conversation about your career, you're looking for more of
a client-facing role, leadership role, and/or product management role _in the
near future_. Regardless of your relationship with your boss, ask him/her,
"What will it take for me to move into X," X being "client-facing role,"
"product management," "being tech lead," ... take your pick. I think _it is
counter-productive to talk in negative terms_ \- i.e. how much you're
dissatisfied with work - and _it is much more productive to talk in positive
terms and in terms of the future and in terms of how you want to contribute at
a "higher-level" in the future._

2\. If your boss isn't receptive or if your boss tells you but you get
nowhere, you might consider looking for another job. Make it clear to someone
hiring you that you want a role in which you can grow.

For your life (this is the hardest)

1\. Try joining engineering-related or CS-related or tech-related meetups in
your area. Where do you live?

2\. Find a hobby? I don't know you so I can't help in this area. I'd imagine
it would do with music/photography.

3\. I don't know what kinds of friends you have right now in the area. But try
to hang out more often with whatever friends you do have, and ask them to
invite their friends so you can meet new people.

4\. As someone who has only been working for a short time after leaving
school, one thing I've observed about working life is how we all essentially
leave our friendships up to chance. When you're in school you usually end up
friends with people who happen to be in your classes, people who you happen
live with, people who happen to be in clubs you're in, etc. Without something
like school that puts you in constant contact with people, you yourself need
to make an effort to befriend people you meet who you find interesting. If you
meet someone interesting at a meetup or company-related function or a bar,
etc., not only should you _ask_ for their contact info (if you give someone
your contact info there is a 50-50 chance they'll never contact you), you need
to make the effort to set up lunch/dinner/drinks/coffee with that person.

I don't claim to be successful in getting myself to do all of these all the
time, but I always try to accomplish these goals and I think they're a helpful
set of guidelines for you.

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orangethirty
I'd like to talk to you. Send me an email (in profile).

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thoughtcriminal
Going back to school will have two benefits: 1) put you on track towards
another line of work (and buy time to figure things out) and 2) place you in a
social environment.

If going back to school is an option for you, then that's what I'd be jumping
into.

