

Wherein my Kiss was Rejected - jaltucher
http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2010/10/wherein-my-kiss-was-rejected/

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araneae
I'm pretty sure this is bad advice.

I say this as someone who has irresistible urges to "shake things up" when I'm
going through rough patches. In fact, I think that desire is really common. I
bet that's why this guy did all that stuff; he had the urge to do crazy
things.

But just because it's typical to have the urge to do crazy things when you're
in a rough spot doesn't mean that you should do them, or that it will solve
anything.

In my experience there's a reason these things are called "crazy." I've ended
in some pretty undesirable situations. The best consequences were several
hundred dollars in fines. The worst could have left me in jail or dead.

Giving someone like me permission to do crazy things is not good.

~~~
Tichy
I'm pretty sure the therapist's advice was bad, too. First, it labels the
recipient as a psycho unfit for a normal life (like having a relationship).
Second, nobody is ever ready for a relationship. I mean it would be stupid to
wait until you have become that perfect saint who is fit for a relationship. I
presume this includes internalizing Erich Fromm's "Art of Loving" and shedding
all earthly and selfish desires.

For one thing, it is probably difficult to become "ready for a relationship"
without actually practicing being in a relationship. Read and meditate all you
want, I think growing within a relationship should beat that in effectiveness.
Oh yeah, you can practice with your therapist? That advice is good for the
therapist, as it actually says "you should be dependent on me indefinitely".

~~~
potatolicious
I think we're being way too harsh on the therapist. For one thing, we don't
even know anything about what this woman was going through - there are a a lot
of circumstances I can think of where that sort of advice is sound.

Maybe she's grieving or needs to come to terms with some loss, but instead of
doing so she keeps burying herself with busywork - new job, new relationship,
new house...

Or maybe she came out of a terrible relationship recently and just needs some
single-time. God knows I've been there - you're hurtin' and you feel like
jumping on board the next boat that sails by, but it's better if you didn't.

The list can go on. Either way, she could've been blowing him off, or she
could've been honest. We'll never know and this is all idle speculation; it's
even more pointless to speculate as to what the therapist was doing without
more information.

~~~
Tichy
Granted, it might be a good idea for some people, especially if serial
relationships are their way of distracting themselves from their real
problems. I guess I have just heard that advice being handed out too often and
too lightheartedly.

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simonsarris
As a swimmer of rivers I'm not sure you should literally tell people to go
jumping in rivers (though swimming around on the edge is fine). Literally
jumping in to a river might be exciting to do but its also a quick way to die
if you aren't prepared for that sort of thing.

~~~
jaltucher
Correct. It just so happens near my house there is a microscopic beach along
the hudson river where people can swim. On a day i really needed it, I jumped
in the river. I hadn't swum in years. And it was nice.

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highlander
I liked a lot of these, but I am really uncomfortable with the idea of begging
when you don't need to. You're lying to the people who donate to you and you
could be depriving those who really needed that money. It would be better if
you donated the proceeds to someone who really needs them.

~~~
yardie
If someone asks me, I'll donate what I can (or what I feel like ATM). I
stopped worrying about where the money was going and how it was to be used a
long time ago. I figure karma will sort it out eventually.

~~~
shasta
Can you post your contact information? Thanks

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stcredzero
_my therapist told me I can’t do three things over the next year: change where
I live, change my job, and change my relationship status_

There are a lot of people who have had certain times in their life when they
would really benefit from following this advice.

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tomkarlo
Missing: don't waste your time reading stupid-self help lists. Go build
something, real or virtual.

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saturdaysaint
Psychotherapy, which the author mentions in passing, is itself a pretty good
suggestion in the "mixing things up" category.

When we're looking for meaningful change, the truth is that a little bit of
outside feedback and guidance is often what is needed the most to affect it.
Even intelligent people tend to strongly gravitate to what is comfortable when
left to their own devices.

~~~
Qz
Some people ask me why I still go to therapy despite my life generally being
pretty awesome right now. My response tends to be: _exactly_.

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abraham
> Return some emails from 2005

My favorite.

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nyellin
Last month I actually tried 26-hour days, shifting westwards at the rate of 2
timezones/day. Whenever someone asked me how I was or what time it was, I
would give them the name of a country whose timezone I was currently on. Up
until now, I was certain that I had invented the concept myself.

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hasenj
"a 25 hour day",

I sometimes live a 36+ hour day: (10 + x) hours of sleep + (12 + 4 + y) hours
of waking.

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Qz
I feel like I should be trying the 24 hour day to 'shake things up' a little
bit.

