
How do you live your life? - kirpekar
http://www.bogleheads.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=84670&newpost=1490535
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drblast
Personally I've decided that life is absolutely meaningless, and I've found
that to be incredibly liberating. It's helped me to not put so much pressure
on myself to achieve (achieve what?) and live more in the present. It's a
shame that people who don't find meaning in their life tend to take the
opposite tack toward depression. Or others gravitate toward followership to
anyone who will tell them how to live. If I could give advice, it would be to
not do that. Half the fun is figuring out what's meaningful for you.

Otherwise, there are various clichés. People will say their family is most
important and money is meaningless or some variation. I think those truisms
are worth the amount of time it takes someone to repeat them, which isn't much
at all.

And I love that scene in Fight Club where Brad Pitt is telling Ed Norton that
he won't be truly enlightened until he knows, not just thinks, that he is
going to die. I wouldn't risk your life or hurt yourself to figure this out,
but if you're in your 20's and haven't had any near-death experiences, as you
get older, you will DEFINITELY realize that your life is finite and it will
change your perspective. There will be a thousand things that in the back of
your mind you always have thought you'd have time to do, but then you turn 30
and start to realize that you probably won't. And that you need to start
economizing and prioritizing.

~~~
munin
> Personally I've decided that life is absolutely meaningless

but then!

> I wouldn't risk your life or hurt yourself to figure this out

why not? life IS meaningless after all, unless you're trying to imply that
there is something more important than life...?

~~~
Sargis
The conclusion that life is meaningless, is meaningless as well. That means
you can live life however you want, without bearing much importance to that
conclusion.

------
hermannj314
I'm afraid that by saying "My priorities are God, Family, Health" that you are
just punting. You fall back on that when in every measurable way your life
isn't what you hoped it would be so as a coping mechanism you redefine your
values to measureless standards.

You "value" your family. What does that mean? You spent one hour pushing your
kid on a swing because you realized you don't have the confidence, discipline,
or perseverance to do the things you really want to be doing.

You "value" your family because you hate yourself, but you don't have the
confidence to admit it.

IOW, you live your life however you want to and when you feel like it you just
move the goalposts to make sure you look successful. Depressed people are the
ones with the integrity not to move the goalposts.

~~~
the_cat_kittles
I'm not sure what your trying to get at, but for the sake of argument-
wouldn't it be wise to move the goalposts if it means you aren't depressed?

~~~
hermannj314
I'm not talking about clinical depression. But let's say the general, "I
didn't get the promotion" style of depression.

For me, you can view that problem two ways, "I'm going to work harder and
prove my value to the company" or the move the goalposts approach, "I really
didn't want that promotion anyway, I'll spend more time with my kids! No one
will judge me as a failure if I do that."

Shifting priorities can be rational if you honestly realize your tastes and
interests have changed over time, but most often it seems shifting priorties
are just a manifestation of weakness - a decision to flee rather than fight.

~~~
bdunn
Hang out around enough old people, and you'll realize the overwhelming
majority of them would have preferred more time with their kids to that
promotion.

~~~
robryan
Retrospectively. For some what they would have liked to do more of looking
back and what they wanted to do at the time may be different. As we live in
the present, the question really is what we would like to be doing now, not
what we would liked to have done looking back.

------
bdunn
I think most of us get to a point where we finally figure out we're mortal,
and each day is one less we have to live.

As a parent with two small children, I'm constantly faced with two paths: I
could work really hard, the result being _eventually_ enough money that would
bring me more "happiness" (travel the world with my wife and kids, for
example); or I could extract every memory possible while my kids are this age.

When I think about being on my deathbed and looking back on my life, what will
I be thinking? Will I have wished I worked longer hours? Or will I have wanted
more memories of my kids laughing with me?

(This is largely why I'm building slow growth, sustainable lifestyle
businesses over moving everyone to SF and working 100 hours a week at some
startup.)

------
jquery
Several years ago our household income was $xx. Along came some opportunities
and now it's $xx+y. My wife and I live the same lifestyle and save the rest.
Why? It's fun to see the doors that open as your savings grow. Even if you
never open those doors, having access to the keys is its own reward. Someday
we'll open one of those doors. The anticipation and journey will surely be as
joyful as the reveal behind the door.

~~~
eckyptang
I disagree. I've watched three members of my family save and save and
ultimately die of cancer with a pile of cash which consumed their life
obtaining. I'd rather live for the moment.

Obtaining money takes far too much time when you could be having fun (fun
rarely involves much expenditure).

~~~
jquery
You're right, fun is cheap. So why spend my fortune when I could retire early
instead? To live each day like its your last is to fear living. I will live my
life assuming I live to a ripe old age, and will never fear to live another
day. The freedom this has brought me and the peace of mind is something no
amount of hedonism could replace.

To assume a healthy savings means I must be a miser is unwarranted. Most who
are thin are not anorexic.

~~~
eckyptang
I will add to my point above that the people in question died in the range of
32-44 years old. What retirement?

~~~
jquery
What about it? Should I also stuff my face with food every chance I get,
because why stay thin if I'm just going to die soon anyway?

Balance, my friend.

------
stephengillie
I heard it in a movie - What would you do if you had 1 million dollars....not
with the money, but with your time? Most people have a good, solid answer - it
varies by person, but most people have something they'd rather be doing.

I'm still trying to figure out what I'd be doing with my time instead of
working for a living. I think it would be working.

~~~
sliverstorm
_I'm still trying to figure out what I'd be doing with my time instead of
working for a living. I think it would be working._

I'm in about that boat. Paycheck aside, I feel like contributing in a
meaningful way through work has far more lasting value than indulging in
hedonism or art.

Armstrong would have had a heck of a time getting to the moon, if it were not
for those who worked to put him there.

~~~
mb_72
Art is one of the areas of human endeavour that has the greatest amount of
'lasting value' - you only need to look at the numerous existing works that
are around, and how much pleasure people derive from them, to see that.

Even if you are only an average artist yourself, and your own works will not
be appreciated by many in the future, for many people they would like nothing
more than being able to spend time creating art. Besides, software is half
science, half art...

Perhaps you didn't intend it, but putting art in the same boat as hedonism is
giving the latter way, way more credit than is appropriate. :)

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bitdiffusion
Here's a little confirmation bias at work... those with kids can't really undo
that decision so spending time with the family is a knee-jerk "number one
priority" (how many people would really come out and say they would prefer to
work than see their kids? even if it's true, I doubt it would be socially
acceptable).

Those who prefer the 100-hour weeks will no doubt say work is the number one
priority. See "saving money for the future" vs. "spending money in case you
die tomorrow" as other examples.

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zerostar07
Let's try to rationalize the question. Raising a family is slowly losing some
appeal due to overpopulation, possibilities of dramatic life extension, and
the mere fact that it's something that everyone can do (and does). Also,
history books never mention someone as a good parent. In the end it's an
investment decision: what are you willing to invest your most precious
resource (your time) on? It depends on what kind of rewards are regarded as
better.

~~~
jpxxx
We are all fragile, lonely beasts. The history books don't bring that up
either.

~~~
zerostar07
Probably because it doesn't matter for history

~~~
Evbn
The human story can explain a lot about history. For example, Hitler's rage,
Bush's vendetta against Saddam, and every proletariat revolution ever.

------
greggman
I'm going to post this because I genuinely hope to get some feedback ....

I absolutely hate the saying "you only regret the things you didn't do when
you die not the things you did". Really? I suspect some aids victims regret
things they did. I'm guessing meth addicts also regret somethings they did. I
don't see how this cliche helps you decide what to do and what to avoid.

For a less dramatic example my father recommends choosing a high paying job
that is not so interesting over a more risky job that's more fun. His
experience is he took the a risky job, though whether it was fun or not I
don't know, the risk didn't pan out. Now he's 69 and driving a delivery truck
because he can't afford to retire.

It would be nice to hear more failure stories to contrast with success stories

~~~
agilord
It is a selection bias, we would like to be part of the success story,
therefore we talk, write or read about it more. Learning from regretful
decisions or failures is undervalued in many ways.

------
pioul
I'm not sure who said that, but I find it quite true:

> _To make money we lose our health;_

> _And then to restore our health we lose our money..._

> _We live as if we are never going to die;_

> _And we die as if we never lived..._

Try to take that into account when you're making decisions.

~~~
arh68
I also very much like this quote. This is Reata Strickland, as far as I can
tell. I remember seeing it on /r/trees as a Dalai Lama quote, but wikiquote
[1] says otherwise. Reata's website [2] seems to be the closest source.

[1]
[http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Tenzin_Gyatso,_14th_Dalai_Lama#...](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Tenzin_Gyatso,_14th_Dalai_Lama#.22What_surprises_you_most_about_humanity.3F.22)
[2] <http://www.reata.org/interview2.html>

------
mogrim
Spent all 2011 killing myself to bring a project in on time, missed kids's
end-of-year shows, nearly got to divorce. This year I'm getting out on time,
closer to home, and seeing a lot more of my family. Sure, it's less ambitious,
and the possibilities of promotion are massively reduced - but I know where
I'm happier.

------
Roelven
1) If you're at a point in your life where you can afford it; go crazy. Work
your ass off and climb whatever ladder you can climb. Live to the full
stretch, travel, party hard but work harder. Don't care about money until
you're 30. You will gather experiences that will make you a richer, better
person as an investment in the rest of your life.

2) If you have relationships you value, people around you that you love, a
future you want to build; do it. Show them your affection, build that better
home or that better future.

Both will make you happy.

Some comments were already saying what the point is on saving money when you
get some terminal disease and slowly pass away sitting on a pile of cash.
Being sick at home for over 3 months makes you contemplate a lot about your
current status quo and question the life matter a lot. Why am I stuck here?
Why now? What have I done so far that made me crash like this, etc.

A friend made me a striking comment: "I'd be interested in how much momentum
your mind gained in this forced downtime." And that's where this is good for
in my case: I slowly gain inspiration and frustration about my life, charging
a battery which will be set loose once I recover.

------
paulsutter
Live your life in phases. Work hard when you're working. Take solid blocks of
time off when you can. Make each startup you try in a different industry.

Think back on a vacation you took a few years ago. Now try to remember other
weeks that year. It's variety that builds memories and leads to creativity.

The more your life is a big homogenous block, the less you will have to look
back on. "The memories of a man in his old age are the deeds of a man in his
prime".

Create some memories, but create them with people. Memories you can share are
so much richer than memories alone. This is one important reason to preserve
relationships.

------
Xcelerate
I like to view life as one giant happiness optimization problem. (That's how
you can tell I'm an engineer).

Pretty much all problems are taken care of this way. Time working/salary
ratio? Too much to do/boredom? Just keep optimizing.

I do make a bit of an exception. If helping someone else makes them happier at
the expense of some of my own, I'll go ahead and (try) to do it. Normally,
helping someone else makes me happy too, but occasionally there's times where
the kindest thing to do isn't the most enjoyable.

~~~
AznHisoka
Doesn't that make you unhappy? Because there's always something can be better
in your life, and you're always in a mindset of lack.

~~~
Xcelerate
No, the pursuit of happiness produces happiness itself. It's self-reinforcing.

------
myspy
Work to live, don't live to work. Chill.

------
VMG
> bogleheads.org

WP:

> John Clifton "Jack" Bogle (born May 8, 1929) is the founder and retired CEO
> of The Vanguard Group. He is known for his 1999 book Common Sense on Mutual
> Funds: New Imperatives for the Intelligent Investor, which became a
> bestseller and is considered a classic.

------
the_cat_kittles
The answer to this question isn't going to come from the top down, I think it
has to come from the bottom up. So, its not really a helpful question, except
maybe interesting to reflect upon post hoc?

------
rmm
Live every day as if it might be your last.

Might is the key word their.

How would you live, if tomorrow _might_ be your last day?

------
brennenHN
Stop talking about it.

