
Bipolar - It’s not a bug, it’s a feature - slajax
http://slajax.com/2012/12/12/bipolar-a-feature-not-a-bug.html
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vannevar
If your mania does not reach the point of psychosis, and your depressive
episodes aren't debilitating or suicidal, good for you. Many sufferers of
bipolar disorder are not so fortunate. To say that "it is only a negative
thing if you allow it to be" is flippant and naive.

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slajax
You are absolutely correct. To imply that would be incredibly naive.
Especially if the assumption that I have not reached those extremes were
correct.

I would in no way assume that my approach is a blanket solution for anyone or
everyone. To the contrary, it is not a solution (I said I have not beaten it,
and I may never well), but this post is my personal experience for dealing
with an "illness" that has been very challenging in my life. I can only
account for the factors of my experiences which luckily were functional enough
for this approach to do some good.

Those factors did indeed include a lot of debilitating and suicide episodes
during my teen years but I chose not to write about suicide because it's a
much deeper subject and somewhat detracts from the point I hoped to make. But
in the interested of full disclosure, yes I had struggled with suicide daily
until I changed my thinking.

The reason I said "it's only a negative thing if you allow it to be" is that
when I stopped thinking of it as "suffering" I found the core catalyst for
change that allowed me to dismiss suicide as an option and maintain that
rationale until I could apply other measures and stabilize my situation longer
term.

At it's core the illness affects your rationale by way of your moods and I
feel it's important to address the fact that someone who is "suffering"
implicitly has a negative perspective and will continue to suffer without
positivity.

Thanks for your comment.

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vannevar
And thanks for the response. I think this more nuanced explanation of what you
meant adds a lot to the message that is missing from the article.

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contingencies
All of the psychiatric professionals (nurses, consulting pschiatrists,
academics) I have met with socially over the past few months (5 from 3
countries, within a leisure/travelling context) agreed heartily with the
fundamental point I always put forward to them that mental illness (as defined
as the set of all mental states apparently differing from some abstract
"norm") is a flawed one.

My take is that if a person can 'function' (ie. not get nabbed by police,
jailed and/or extradited) in modern society, with reasonable personal comfort
and fulfilment and without relying overwhelmingly on others, then it is
incorrect to describe them as "ill".

PS. It's normal feel unhappy or unfulfilled with nine-to-five (or nine) modern
lifestyles; they're not natural. My advice to others is to never consider
yourself depressed (and NEVER begin an antidepressant habit); instead consider
yourself poorly matched to society's defaults, and try to change pace or
place.

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slajax
I think that's good advice and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who see's
a different side of the coin. Thanks for your response.

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loceng
Have you ever tried to explore the "Some kid said something to me about being
selfish and my self worth instantly shattered" situation with someone who does
Innerchild / Regression therapy? They would eventually explore other childhood
relationships, etc. and how they affected you. And sorry if I missed you
saying it. I jumped around in your post, read a lot of it though.

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slajax
Thats ok, I'm rather long winded, and there was even stuff I omitted.

I don't have a lot of experience with therapy that I can easily recall. I did
a lot of therapy around the time when the "some kid" situation originally
occurred as it became apparent to my parents something was up with me, but I
was <10 years old. I remember spending a lot of time with therapists trying to
figure out the symptoms over the next few years, but it was all very confusing
and no one (including me) really had a handle on it. As I started to get
older, things escalated so it was harder and harder for them to get me to even
go so I ended up with a lot of fragmented treatment and I was mis-diagnosed
for probably 10 years or so I would say. So between that and the fact that a
lot of those years were a manic blur, I can't say I really recall any therapy
of value especially anything like inner child or regression therapy.

I would definitely entertain the idea of doing this now because even to this
day there are certain triggers (said or done, implicit or explicit) that will
have the same affect. Luckily I can usually self-diagnose those episodes
within the first 10 minutes and adjust as it's fairly dramatic and obvious to
me that something has changed biologically. It's the cycles that scale more
slowly that I find it a lot harder to identify and throttle, but luckily they
don't surface very often in a more serious manner then irritability or
obsession. These are the cycles (the feature) that I try to use to my
advantage due to the perceived increase in cognitive focus that I feel I
experience.

I will do some research about this type of therapy, I'm all for any approach
that helps me to understanding my triggers better.

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loceng
I'd highly recommend Innerchild/Regression Therapy. You basically explore
different subpersonalities that may have become dominant, usually as a means
of a defense/coping mechanism that's no longer beneficial / serves you, and
that kicks in when you're younger from different relationships / situations
that happen - however where you didn't have the guidance or support to help
you figure it out then; Subpersonalities such as perfectionism, worry, the
fixer, caretaker, etc.. These should all be interconnected and allowed to come
in and out of play when appropriate - whereby when they're dominant, they
influence all of how we see the world, and affect all of our behaviours.

It's great you're very self-aware, though it's helpful having someone else
doing the guiding - you can let go of the having to be thinking (using your
mind), and therefore your full attention can go to feeling (being in your
body) and then responding, releasing, and then viewing a situation in a
different light (along with some other things) - and letting go emotionally as
well. The process will allow those memories to exist, and be connected to
everything, to be processed/settled (in your body) instead of repressed (in
your mind; which then doesn't allow those triggers to exist).

I do have a contact that might know someone who's out West in the style of
therapy - or at least maybe be able to point to a resource to look at; I'm in
Ontario currently - may end up having an office in Vancouver someday though.
Follow me on Twitter and I can DM you what I find out? @mattamyers

P.S. I'm rather long-winded, often, too. :)

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slajax
Great to hear from another Canadian. I have followed you.

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shinratdr
Thank you for posting this. As someone going on Paxil (day 5) and struggling
with intense anxiety/depression every morning, I really appreciated reading
someone else's experience.

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slajax
You are very welcome.

My advice (even though you didn't ask for it) is let the Paxil do it's thing
for a while then start implementing exercise and nutritional adjustments into
your routine once you are feeling normalized.

Treat it like an A/B test if you can. Think about the long term and try to
find a routine that will work for you consistently. If you find something,
talk to your doctor about coming off the medication to see if your routine
continues to help without the meds. Make sure you only do it with the support
of your doctor though, the with drawl from Paxil can be enough to put you back
into a depression. From what I recall it wasn't too pleasant.

Good luck!

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cefarix
I just wanted to say thanks for writing this.

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slajax
You are welcome.

