
Ask HN: Are there any YC founders married w/kids? - ryanwaggoner
Background: we are three founders who are applying for w2009.  All three of us are married and both of the other founders have a kid.<p>From what I've seen, it seems like a lot of the YC teams are young guys just out of college.  We're young (mid-20s), but we have a bit more responsibility than we did a few years ago. Just wondering how much of an outlier we are, and if any of the funded YC teams had founders who were married and/or had children.
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staunch
Wayne Crosby of Zenter

 _"JR: What was the downside of your experience YC?

Y Combinator requires you to move to either Cambridge, MA (Summer session) or
Mountain View, CA (Winter session). The night we submitted our application to
Y Combinator, we found out my wife was pregnant with our first child. The
hardest decision my wife and I made was me going off to do a startup while she
remained in AZ. We bought video phones and used Skype video conferencing every
night to stay in touch. The video phones helped a ton, especially since I only
made 1 trip back home in the 3 months. Looking back it was absolutely the
right decision for me, the family, and our future - but it sucked not being
around her for 3 months."_

[http://pioneerit.blogspot.com/2007/04/my-innoview-with-
wayne...](http://pioneerit.blogspot.com/2007/04/my-innoview-with-wayne-
crosby.html)

~~~
ryanwaggoner
Awesome...exactly the kind of stuff I was looking for. Thanks!

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sanj
I'm not a YC applicant. Part of this was because Paul Graham made it pretty
clear that he believes that having a family is at odds with a startup:
<http://www.paulgraham.com/notnot.html>

The charitable part of me wants to believe the "I'm not willing to take
responsibility..." angle, but it treads awfully close to discrimination.

I assumed that this would work against us to the point where it wasn't worth
applying. The same way that single founder teams are canned almost before they
are read.

 _Note that it doesn't actually matter if this is the case. My impression
based on public information led me to this conclusion and YC lost out on a
great team and idea. I'm sure I'm not alone._

I'm putting my money where my mouth is: the rest of my cofounders are also all
married. Most of us have kids.

We're doing just fine, thanks:

<http://www.prweb.com/releases/2008/07/prweb1139914.htm>

<http://blog.luckycal.com/?p=15>

[http://gigaom.com/2008/08/25/mobilize-launchpad-
contestants-...](http://gigaom.com/2008/08/25/mobilize-launchpad-contestants-
announced)

~~~
ryanwaggoner
A little defiant, eh? I like it.

When is it ever worth not applying? I'm sure that certain things hurt your
chances in YC's eyes, but hopefully they don't have such blinders on that all
of those things are immediate deal-killers. I feel that the exercise of
filling out the application is useful in itself, and if they pass, no loss.

~~~
sanj
When leaving your family for 3 months isn't worth it.

~~~
ryanwaggoner
Well, that's a personal decision, obviously, but your post didn't say anything
about you not applying because you didn't want to be away from your family,
just that you didn't think YC would accept you because you have a family.

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SwellJoe
My co-founder is married with two kids. We were in winter 2007. Neither of us
is young and fresh out of college (I was 32, he was 33, at the time). When we
were accepted, I had a house in Austin, a 350Z, a long-time girlfriend, and a
dog. The house was sold in record time (to the first person who looked at it,
the day _before_ the open house), the Z was sold, the girlfriend got a job at
Google, and the dog rode right beside me in the moving truck. My co-founder
already lived in Santa Clara, so it wasn't quite as much of an upheaval for
him.

~~~
jasonlbaptiste
tons of respect and congratulations for that.

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maxklein
Being married and having a child is not a liability. The liability comes if
the partner requires a lot of attention, and does not allow you to pursue your
dreams. I.e, if you're married to a needy person, then you'll not have the
flexibility to push limits.

I actually think being married is a good thing, because you are more likely to
do things that are safe and that will lead to steady upwards growth, instead
of trying to play the lotto and hoping for a blowout.

~~~
ryanwaggoner
Hmmm...not sure that anyone would characterize founding a web startup as
"safe" ;-)

~~~
maxklein
It's VERY safe. Try starting a restaurant. You have to borrow money, you need
to handle staffing, fire problems, etc. That's a risky business. A web
business, if it fails, you lose nothing.

We businesses are really very low risk business. Mostly, in case of failure,
you just lose some time.

~~~
ryanwaggoner
Hmmm...I understand what you're saying, but you seem to be presenting a false
dichotomy where the only two options are starting a web company or a
restaurant. For the vast majority of people with kids, the "safe" option is
getting a good job that pays well and offers good benefits.

It's also a bit disingenuous to say that if your web business fails, you lose
nothing. Perhaps that's true for a single guy who is starting a company with
some friends, but for the average married founder w/kids, there is a
significant investment that will need to made in the form of time spent on
their startup, as well as mental and psychological energy. Not to mention any
cash investment, and the lost income that could have been earned with the time
spent on the startup. If you fail, there is a cost.

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hooande
I just completed a YC session and my co-founder was married, but no children.
I must say, an entire summer seems like it might put a bit of stress on your
relationship.

Let me be very clear! You can definitely do a startup if you have a family.
YCombinator and startups are a great opportunity for anyone, regardless of age
or family situation.

With that being said, a YC summer can be very intensive. Three full months
apart and under stress might be more than you were bargaining for in terms of
your relationship with your spouses and family. It seems like if all three of
you are in this situation the odds are good that at least one of you will run
into a problem.

There were a lot of guys in our class who had serious girlfriends and they all
seemed to come out fine. My co-founder is married and our startup is doing
just fine. Just think about what could happen, I would hate for that to be a
big distraction for you guys.

------
iamelgringo
TipJoy's founders are married and working together.

My wife and I are bootstrapping right now.

~~~
zacharye
Do you have any general comments on starting a business with your wife. It can
be such a stressful environment at times - wondering how you guys have dealt
with the downs.

~~~
iamelgringo
I talked with the father of a VC a few months ago. He said that his son's
divorce had just cost him $10 million in a divorce settlement. I'm thinking:
Jesus! $10 million pays for a lot of roses and marriage counseling.

Regarding handling the downs: That's tough. We usually take a break from the
action, spend time with each other and regroup. Generally, we work a lot more
on prevention of marriage problems instead of trying to put out fires, though.
If we're starting to squabble with each other, it's probably because there's
an issue that needs to be addressed, and we need to take the time to work it
out.

Our marriage comes first. Having a multi-million dollar exit would be really
nice, but it's not going to keep us warm at night.

We have a weekly meeting in which we talk about about relationship stuff, and
make sure things are okay on that front. We're a lot more productive when our
relationship is working well. It's a good business decision and it makes for a
much funner journey.

We've also made a point of taking breaks from the action. Every 3 months or
so, we take a road trip for a couple of nights. We both work really hard, so
it's helpful to unplug and focus on the relationship every couple of months.

Probably the best marriage advice I could give anyone is to do some
preventative marriage counseling. My wife and I made a point of going to
marriage counseling the first year after we got married. It's not that our
relationship was on the rocks, we just wanted to get it right. So, we spent a
year going to a marriage counselor and got a whole bag full of tools to work
on our marriage. It's helped us for years, and I'd recommend it to anyone in a
serious relationship.

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comatose_kid
I'm not a YC founder, but I do have a wife and children.

As to your original question: don't worry about it. Just focus on your
application, and try to get some sort of basic demo of your idea together.

~~~
ryanwaggoner
Oh, it's not going to stop us, or even slow us down. If anything, having
responsibilities like a wife and kids has focused our energies on what's
really important to us.

I was just curious as to how YC might view things like this.

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josefresco
I'm a founder who's married with two kids (27 years old). One of the reasons
I'm not able to join YC on even the east coast (I live a couple hours from
Boston) is my family. I can't move them or myself away from them for a 'boot
camp', just not feasible.

I think YC is missing out on some great opportunities but that's just my
viewpoint.

~~~
comatose_kid
Perhaps your desire for success doesn't compel you as strongly as your desire
for a stable family life.

That's absolutely fine, but my instincts (and some very successful people I
know personally) tell me that successful entrepreneurs who start a business
with families have to ask their families to make some sort of sacrifice to
support their endeavor.

My wife and I have had this very conversation - we live in the Bay Area, but
my Dear Wife is very level headed when it comes to prioritizing decisions like
this. Life experience counts for more than immediate comfort for her. She
comes from an entrepreneurial family, so that probably helps.

~~~
tptacek
Perhaps his definition of "success" doesn't involve him feeling embarassed
about what he did to his family for a long shot, even if he made it. Note also
that regardless of how you and your wife appear to feel about it now, your
perspective may change 10 years from now. Mine has. I'm embarassed. Not a good
feeling.

~~~
comatose_kid
Fair enough, and I agree - nothing's for free. For me, the fear that 10 years
from now I would regret not taking a chance is greater than the worry that I
will feel as you do. It's a personal choice.

------
soc
It could be an advantage. It's nice to have one person in the family with a
stable income you can fall back on, while trying to get things off the ground.

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aston
Tipjoy. The founders are married (to each other) and they have a (really cute)
kid.

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geebee
I get the feeling that YC is based on a different set of values and insights
than your typical VC firm is. Just my impression, of course, but I get the
feeling that PG is trying out a social "hack".

There's a magical section of life that a lot of people don't take advantage of
- the first few years out of college, when your responsibilities and personal
needs are very, very low. A lot of people in their early twenties who don't go
directly to grad school spend this time as paralegals, programmers for
bigCorps, and so forth.

In a way, YC is testing out a perfect hack - showing how a remarkably small
amount of money, along with just a bit of encouragement, can completely alter
the course of a lifetime - and, if it is successful and spreads as a model,
ultimately change the nature of careers and work.

It's not that married founders with kids and a mortgage _can't_ participate,
but if "married with kids" describes you (and it certainly describes _me_ ),
you probably aren't in that state anymore. But it's up to you to decide - I do
know a startup founder who is 40 with a wife and little one (his wife works,
though, which helps a lot - though in this case, the few grand YC offers would
be irrelevant, and he's funded through a more traditional investment
approach). I know lots and lots of married programmers with kids who work as
early employees of startups. I could recommend this, because if you're very
skilled in Silicon Valley, you can probably get a new job quickly - but it's
probably nothing like being in YC.

I remember my first few years after college - I lived near the beach in San
Diego, my rent was about $325 a month, and I surfed _constantly_. Then I went
to grad school. Wouldn't have been a bad time to try a startup, I suppose.

------
electric
Time for a New Venture Animal: Ymwkcombinator

~~~
aerohacker
Good line! Count me in!

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aerohacker
Thanks for posing the question. I'd been wondering the same, Have there been
any YC startup people with teenagers??!!!

I suppose having teenagers would be a great way to recruit your first coding
employees! Except mine aren't techies at all. Yet.

~~~
SwellJoe
If they aren't techies by their teens, and they've had access to technology at
all, they never will be. And that's OK. Let'em be what they're gonna be.

~~~
brentr
This is not true. I had access to all sorts of technology growing up. It
wasn't until I got to college that I realized how important it is in being
able to make a computer do almost anything you wanted it to given enough time
and insight into the problem you want to solve.

~~~
SwellJoe
Perhaps I've made it sound more dramatic than it should be. It is, as in all
things, a spectrum of possibilities, not a black and white thing. That said,
there's a type of person that becomes a hacker. While it is a choice, just
like being an athlete or a musician, it's also a temperament that not all
people possess. So, one might enjoy technology and find it useful to
understand it, or one might find it to be the most satisfying and interesting
thing to spend time on--and this, I believe, is a trait exhibited very early.

I don't, of course, think only the latter should be "allowed" to write code or
make a living with technology (nearly everyone will be a knowledge worker in
the coming years, so no one can avoid it). I just think they tend to be the
ones producing the code that runs the Internet and everything else of real
interest in the technology world. It's just such a deep subject that one
really has to love it to have any chance of being seriously productive in the
field. So, while I believe one can learn to play a musical instrument as an
adult, if you aren't passionate enough about it to spend many hours each day
on it (and not in a hardcore slamming your fingers down on the keyboard one
more time...just in the sense of always learning about the subject and always
expanding your horizons), you probably won't be a great musician. It doesn't
make it any less valid a pursuit--as long as you derive pleasure from the time
you spend with it, it's a productive use of time. Likewise hacking...but you
probably won't produce work of significant note without a pretty strong drive
to do so.

So, I guess I should make clear that I don't believe any talent is natural
(excepting a few prodigies, perhaps) or inborn, certain traits are. And there
are traits that are deeply ingrained that just make a big difference in
whether one will enjoy the hacking process. Also note that I'm not claiming to
be particularly far down that spectrum, or to have produced any significant
work in the field. I was both a computer nerd and a music nerd very early in
life, and I didn't choose to focus almost completely on technology until my
mid-twenties.

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davidw
pg is married! No kids yet, though, afaik.

~~~
icey
Sure, but pg is also an old bull now. He wasn't married when he started
Viaweb.

