
Help I'm Losing My Writing Ability - haploredux
Hello everyone; I don't know if this question is in the right place or not, but I think that most of you would have probably experienced this at one point or another in your life, so do offer some wisdom and advice. However, if the content here is unsuitable, please remove it.<p>Anyways, here's the current situation that I'm facing:<p>* I was able to write very well since young (ever since I begin learning English), and my writing ability was well above the average. My style of writing was considered original and unique to me.<p>* I was able to compose essays and stories very fluidly and improvise plots and arguments in an ad hoc manner. However, this ability has recently deteriorated, and I find myself cracking my head open even for simple arguments and story-lines.<p>* When I wrote in the past, my pen moved almost as fast as the sentence forming in my head. My pen just had a mind of it's own, and I could enter a 'flow' basically 100% all the time. Suddenly everything has become very conscious and artificial. Now, I have to pause and think even about the minutest details, such as sentence structure, words to use, alphabets in the words, etc.<p>* My vocabulary was wide and far-ranging, and I often utilized five to six different words, all synonyms, to re-iterate the same point in an argument. Now, however, my vocabulary has suddenly dropped to one or two simple words. The words used to come naturally, now I have to try to think of it, and most often I cannot.<p>* I used to create very original metaphors and figurative language which my peers and teachers often thought as brilliant and ingenious. I somehow cannot think of anything, AT ALL, now.<p>* I could sensitively appreciate Literature in the past, and often wrote critical essays after reading a novel or story. Also, I leisurely authored essays and short-stories in my free time; now, I find no motivation and lack the necessary 'spark' even if I wanted to. The habit has all of a sudden become very foreign and alien to me.<p>* I'm very distressed with the problem. I can't even list down all the symptoms that I have. I can't describe this psychological torment. It's like whenever I write now I feel it's a chore, whereas in the past it came all natural and flowingly. Thesauruses have become more common and regular in the past few months.<p>The problem has been a recent one, persisting for the past two months already. Here's some other background information for diagnosis: I'm currently 16, and am studying for a national exams at the end of the year. Most of my subjects are very logical and scientific – Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Elementary and Higher Maths – with a few humanities, like English Literature and Geography.<p>A large portion of the education is memory work, except maybe for Literature (and Mathematics, to an extent). My native tongue has been and still is English. The education system in my country is very competitive and quite stressful at times.<p>I'm very agitated by this problem and I want to get to the root of it, which is why I need your help. I want to know how it began and how I should overcome it. I don't know if it's caused by stress, depression or maybe just some other ordinary problem.<p>I'd like to express my gratitude and thanks to whoever offering their help. Writing has always been my passion and a spirited endeavor for me, and I really don't want to see it just disappear overnight. I've been feeling really down these few weeks because of this.<p>Thanks. :)
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beatpanda
Chill out. You're only 16. You're not "losing" anything other than immaturity.
You just have writer's block, and your writing probably isn't as good as
you're describing it in the first place, so don't get too hung up about it.

And before you get defensive, let me tell you, if you pursue writing
professionally, you'll learn this on your own pretty quickly. A critic or a
professor will knock you on your ass and show you flaws in your work you'd
never even considered. I don't care how much of a prodigy you are, you have a
lot to learn.

The way you treat writer's block is through attrition. Just keep writing. No
professional writer in the universe ever made it on talent alone, and the
secret they all have is that they just write, a lot, every day, whether they
feel like it or whether they think it's any good or not.

Also, this: "My vocabulary was wide and far-ranging, and I often utilized five
to six different words, all synonyms, to re-iterate the same point in an
argument..." is a feature, not a bug. Learning to articulate big ideas with
simple words is one of the hardest, but most important, lessons to learn as a
writer.

TL;DR there's nothing wrong with you and every writer experiences this. Keep
calm and carry on.

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lPrentice
Hi,

I'm a professional writer and much much older than you.

Writing, sometimes, is hard. The more you aspire to excellence, the harder it
can become if you let it. And you should aspire. You're never good enough.

Here are a few things that may help from my experience.

1) Relax and enjoy it. 2) Separate the creative process from the editing
process. That is, on first-draft just let it flow. Write anything and
everything that comes to mind. Don't worry about vocabulary, spelling,
grammar, political correctness, offending your dog. Just get it out. Put on
your editor's hat only after you've sputtered out. Then go back, rewrite, and
edit. Fine writing is REWRITING. Sometimes many passes; many drafts. 3) Keep a
notebook. When your mind tickles you with a phrase about anything, write it
down. Your subconscious mind is your best friend. But it's shy, easily
offended. Censor yourself and it'll shut down. Invite it in and it'll serve
you with ideas, images, and language of startling beauty and relevance. It'll
also deceive you into believing that something it delivers is better than it
is. But you can deal with this during the editing/rewriting phase. 4) Give
yourself permission to write. And to publish. Keep in mind that you can't
please everyone with your writing. No matter how fine a writer you are, some
readers will reject you for uncounted reasons. Your goal as a writer is to
minimize the number of readers who do so. 5) Writing is simply another way of
talking. You talk naturally. If you relax, you'll learn to write naturally. To
write well you do need to learn and absorb the basics of spelling, grammar,
logic, formatting conventions, etc., etc. These technicalities should be
internalized like muscle memory. But don't worry about that crap while writing
the first draft. Just get it out.

Hope this helps.

LRP

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nchlswu
You sound like a very self aware individual (hard not to be if writing is your
passion).

But...I think you have to remember you're 16. Nothing you do is ever set in
stone, regardless of age and everyone goes through changes. Teens go through
changes that are a more volatile.

Try reframing it in your head. Personally, it seems like you're just "not
into" writing right now. There's nothing wrong with that. There could be a
deeper root cause, but I doubt you'll truly find it.

Keep writing (I guess you'll have to) and things may clear themselves up. Self
awareness isn't always a great thing ;)

~~~
nate_meurer
Yes, absolutely right. All bets are off during puberty. You're undergoing
_massive_ physiological changes, caused by hormonal changes the likes of which
you'll never see again (until menopause, if you're female). I had a lot of
this trouble as a teenager; it often seemed like I simply had no retention,
and I consistently forgot skills (mainly math) that I had thought to be
committed to reflexive memory.

My bet is that this stuff will be sorted once your body settles down. And
maybe well before then.

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hardy263
I had the same thing happen to me. I realized it was because I stopped reading
regularly. Before, I would used to read at least 1-2 novels (100-200 pages per
book) a day. And during that time period, I had an awesome vocabulary and I
could basically spell anything without having to look it up. But now I get
mixed up on whether certain words have double letters or not. Now that I've
stopped reading regularly due to time constraints, my writing and spelling
ability has basically died.

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Tycho
Could be stress/tiredness from studying for your exams? What you say sounds
quite drastic though... like the result of a head injury.

On the other hand, your current state of having to struggle for every sentence
is more in line with the vast majority of peoples' normal experience when it
comes to writing.

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haploredux
Oh and by the way I don't want to come off as being thought as a patronizing
'genius' or anything.

I don't consider myself to be super-smart or have some prodigal intelligence,
and my school isn't MENSA. I'm in an average high school.

It's just that I feel my creative potential has been stifled. Thanks for
understanding.

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DanBC
Have you ever had the experience (usually while walking and wearing
headphones) of being aware of your breathing? And suddenly breathing is
tricky? You don't know if you're breathing loudly or to deeply?

All your life you've been breathing and never noticed it, and then you notice
it, and how weird it is.

Do you think this may be what you're experiencing? Just increased awareness?

As an over-cautious footnote: This will probably not happen, but if you start
to notice "odd" things; (people who can put thoughts in your head, or hearing
voices, or whatnot) please seek psychiatric assistance. Early intervention is
important. But, like I say, this is almost certainly not relevant!

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jacquesm
I don't know if it is related or not, but I find my ability to use pens and
pencils has greatly diminished since I started to use the keyboard. My
handwriting was never great but over the years it has dropped to a level that
is best described as illegible.

I can type about as fast as I think, a speed that would be unattainable using
a regular writing instrument based on re-creating memorized shapes using fine
motor control. Maybe the slow-down that comes with using a 'real' pen or
pencil for writing would give you the right frame of mind to unlock your
inspiration.

The short version: try writing in longhand, see if that helps!

~~~
haploredux
Thanks for the kind advice!

I'll give longhand a try :) It seems like a good idea.

Unfortunately, I've tried typing before. To give you an example, the question
that I've just written took me about an hour to think and type through, while
in the past something of that same length would have taken maybe about half an
hour.

------
JoeAltmaier
Advice you asked for:

Stop tweeting, blogging and emailing. Stop posting two-liner responses to
difficult topic discussions.

Interact with people. Find a forum that thinks deeply, trades ideas and
inspirations and fosters creativity. A writing group, a Mensa chapter, heck a
ToastMasters club.

Even Hacker News is shallow by comparison with real human discourse. Here we
get frequent thought-pieces but not a lot of literature, and certainly
extremenly curtailed interaction compared with even a minute of real dialog
with real people.

------
yalimkgerger
Once on HN I read a blog post that said great writing only comes from facing
ones deepest fears. It is really a brilliant way to sum it all up. Any other
kind of writing is just dull.

It is only you who knows what it is that you fear the most. Everybody knows
his own fears. Most people cannot face them. So if you want your ability back
face the fear that is holding you back, challenge it, fight it, beat it and
then write it.

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adeelk
Could it just be that your taste has become more refined? Watch this interview
with Ira Glass: [http://kottke.org/11/04/your-taste-is-why-your-own-work-
disa...](http://kottke.org/11/04/your-taste-is-why-your-own-work-disappoints-
you)

------
fonzie
I would look at Henry Miller's 11 commandments of writing. Online here
[http://www.listsofnote.com/2012/01/henry-
millers-11-commandm...](http://www.listsofnote.com/2012/01/henry-
millers-11-commandments.html)

------
seunosewa
Are you having any health issues?

~~~
haploredux
Thanks for the concern, I don't think I suffer from any health issues. Are
there any notable health problems that you know of which have such
psychological effects?

~~~
objectatrest
I am not a doctor but... Cognitive issues could be stress/burnout related.
Environment can also play a big part in cognitive issues. Mold illness causes
cognitive/psychological issues and patients often describe the feeling as a
"brain-fog". There is a relatively simple online test for mold issues found
here <http://www.survivingmold.com/diagnosis>.

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zeroboy
Sounds like there's an ego issue here. Not ego as in "I'm so great, look at
me" but ego as a self identity that wasn't there before.

You're writing through a filter now (a personality you've constructed) whereas
before you were writing in a selfless zen state.

So relax. Stop thinking so much and start training your mind through
meditation. Read the teachings of Buddha. You will be alright. In fact, you'll
be better than alright. This is just a bump in the road.

~~~
zeroboy
Btw, never take compliments like "brilliant" and "ingenious" too seriously.
These words get bandied about much too often, and it's hardly ever
appropriate.

~~~
haploredux
I wouldn't contest that, and thanks for your advice.

But could you elaborate more on what you mean by a 'filter' as opposed to a
'selfless zen state'?

~~~
zeroboy
Filter being your conscious mind.

Sometimes when I read or write, it's with a voice I haven't heard before. It
doesn't sound authentic to me. That's my mind being loud, and it acts as a
dirty filter that inhibits pure words from flowing freely.

