

Ask HN: Programmers with kids – did it make you a "bad" employee? - good-citizen

Before I had kids I used to shake my head in very non-subtle judging ways at team members that left work to go pickup their kid, or did anything other than move the company forward via non-stop coding.<p>Then after having a kid, I did a 180 and became the very &quot;bad&quot; employee I used to judge. Do other programmers with kids have similar tails? Did anyone make the conscious choice to be a bad employee but a good parent?
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jaegerpicker
Not so much a bad employee IMO but definitely a worse fit for a company. I
worked at a young startup (it was somewhat established by the time I joined)
that was mostly younger guys than me (I was very early 30's they were mid
20's) and I was the only employee with kids. A lot of their focus and outside
time was spent drinking hanging out and talking about work when they weren't
partying. I couldn't and wouldn't do that and opened up a huge rift between me
and management in particular. To be honest I think that is a problem with that
company not with me as an employee. Their immaturity caused that and a metric
shit ton of other issues. If any thing else I've found that having kids has
made me better in a lot of ways. I'm more driven to build something to pass
down, I'm more attached and caring about my career, and I'm more mature. I
honestly believe that having children has made me a better person.

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jonaswouters
There is some difference in mentality between dads. Especially "work is just
work"-father and actually caring about your career. Caring about your career
doesn't make you a bad father.

I've always preferred to be with my SO instead of participating in "out of
office hours"-time with colleagues. I guess I was a worse fit for a company
since I fell in love.

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ScottWhigham
_Did anyone make the conscious choice to be a bad employee but a good parent?_

That is such a great question that it made me stop and re-think your entire
post. I absolutely love that. I never have but I can envision someone who
could do that out of necessity. If little Bobby Tables is a special needs
child, to pick an example, and you have one chance to get him into a special
school, I'm sure that at the end of your life you would not regret for one
instance being less than a stellar employee that one day while you worked so
hard to get Bobby into that school. I get it. I understand. Doesn't make me
want to hire you but again: at the end of _your_ life, what would _you_ regret
more: having slacked off for one day at work, or having ensured that your
child got the best help/education he could at such a critical time?

~~~
good-citizen
my kid wasn't special needs, but I sure felt the need to leave work at 5 on
the dot and get home to help. Kids (any kid) takes SO much work they are
incompatible with our 24/7 work culture.

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SuperDuperTango
I think jaegerpicker hits it on the head. If the organization is a good one,
with a good culture, kids vs. no-kids won't be a problem. The dichotomy
between the two can definitely shine a light on deficiencies in the culture
and/or management.

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SixSigma
no, i waited till they went to bed and then logged in and did a few more hours

kids give you perspective, as you now know

