

The Last Post - gtzi
http://www.penmachine.com/2011/05/the-last-post

======
Cherian_Abraham
I take my life for granted. I take the adoration my two year old son has of
me, for granted. I take my wife's love and caring for granted. I do all this,
thinking that what I build today will provide a better future for all of us.
And I could be wrong.

I could shut my laptop when he squirms his way between me and the desk and
wiggles his way on to my lap. I could switch my context when my wife sits down
next to me aching for a conversation. I could spend more time with both of
them.

I can pretty much be sure when I say I will not be the next Zuckerberg. There
are many things that vy for my attention throughout the day and night. But
there is only one thing both of them needs and which I squander.

I do not want to look back and regret. I am going home right now and I am
going to kiss my wife and hug my kid.

Ciao.

~~~
marcamillion
A more profound comment I could not have written.

It is amazing how much this rings true for me. I keep saying, once I
launch....once I get X number of paid users...once I am doing $X/month in
revenue....once I reach profitability...but this post and comment reminded
me...I can no longer take today/tomorrow for granted.

This is one of the reasons why I used to force myself to take the night-shift
to feed my 6 month old daughter, but then I gave that up in an effort to
launch. I have to get my priorities back in order though.

I have to become more ruthless with my time and the time of my loved ones.
When I am not working, I need to be spending more time with them.

I wish it weren't a struggle and there was some easy switch....until then, I
have to keep being reminded by these types of posts...I guess.

------
jnoller
I didn't know Derek, but reading this I'll miss him, but thank him for this.

Between this post, "Cranking" (<http://www.43folders.com/2011/04/22/cranking>)
and the fact I have a second child probably coming Very Soon Now, I have to
admit I'm sitting back and thinking hard about where I've spent, and am
spending my time. I'm thinking about all the wasted time and opportunities
I've accrued over the past 31 years.

I'm thinking about all the time spent arguing with people on the internet and
giving up my free time to change some small part of the world, and not playing
with my almost four year old daughter, or talking with my beautiful wife.

Take stock in your life and make sure you're following your passions. Make
sure you try to remember and capture every moment before it's gone. Change the
world while you're still here.

Appreciate the world while you're still here.

~~~
joshkaufman
This hit me hard as well. I just wrote a post about choosing to spend time
with my 4 month old daughter every morning instead of working full-time.
([http://personalmba.com/building-a-business-that-supports-
you...](http://personalmba.com/building-a-business-that-supports-your-life/))

Derek's post reminded me why I don't spend more time building my business.
Some things are worth more than money.

------
F_J_H
I've posted this a few times now, but always feel it is worth posting again
when I read these types of blog postings and see the comments they inspire. It
has been attributed to Jorge Luis Borges, but many disagree with that. At any
rate, it inspires me...

"Instantes"

If I were able to live my life anew, in the next I would try to commit more
errors. I would not try to be so perfect, I would relax more. I would be more
foolish than I've been, In fact, I would take few things seriously. I would be
less hygienic. I would run more risks, take more vacations, contemplate more
sunsets, climb more mountains, swim more rivers. I would go to more places
where I've never been, I would eat more ice cream and fewer beans, I would
have more real problems and less imaginary ones.

I was one of those people that lived sensibly and prolifically each minute of
his life; Of course I had moments of happiness. If I could go back I would try
to have only good moments. Because if you didn't know, of that is life made:
only of moments; Don't lose the now.

I was one of those that never went anywhere without a thermometer, a hot-water
bottle, an umbrella, and a parachute; If I could live again, I would travel
lighter. If I could live again, I would begin to walk barefoot from the
beginning of spring and I would continue barefoot until autumn ends. I would
take more cart rides, contemplate more dawns, and play with more children, If
I had another life ahead of me.

But already you see, I am 85, and I know that I am dying.

~~~
hernan7
100% not Borges.

The story of this particular poem is kind of weird... it basically wrote
itself.

[http://www.reelyredd.com/instantes-pick-more-daisies-who-
wro...](http://www.reelyredd.com/instantes-pick-more-daisies-who-wrote-
what.htm)

The original version was a (prose) piece published in Reader's Digest in the
'50s. Then people started changing it here and there, and it coalesced into
the "Instantes" we all know and love/love to hate.

As opposed to "Instantes" Borges' writings are notoriously devoid of pathos.
He even said he regretted writing his famous sonnet "I have committed the
greatest sin/ that a man can commit. I haven't been happy" when overcome by
grief over the death of his mother.

------
mattdeboard
This post made me glad I'm living the life I'm living now. I'm 31 years old --
32 in a month -- and while my daughter is at school, I spend the day
programming, running errands, reading, chatting with RL friends via IRC,
playing video games, browsing Reddit and HN. When she gets home, I make sure
she does her homework, I make dinner, I sleep.

Every morning I get to wake up next to a beautiful, brilliant girl who's
several years my junior but emotionally more mature than me. I have never felt
better about another person in my life.

I have no bills, I maintain a modest lifestyle and am attending university for
a degree in a subject matter that simultaneously I love and will make me some
extra money down the road when I need it.

Every day, I set my own schedule, fitted around picking up & dropping off my
daughter at school. Beyond the normal stresses of being a single parent, my
life is astoundingly, remarkably, wonderfully, joyously stress-free. For the
first time in my life.

Reading Derek's post has affirmed the decisions I've made to put me in this
position. I regret nothing, and just about every day is awesome. If you've
read this far, please don't take this as shameless bragging. It is a sincere
expression of gratitude to Derek, and a grinning shout of relief at the sky
that I have let so many unnecessary, trivial things fall away from my life
over the past few years.

------
yason
I often think that some people die "before their time" so that other people
receive a unique, golden opportunity to learn to reprioritize their life.
Thanks for that, Derek, again. (Didn't know you before.)

And yet it's real difficult to make good use of that opportunity; we people
are so stubborn that we rarely change for the better of ourselves or for other
people even if somebody goes lengths and dies to remind us that _we won't be
here forever_.

Even worse, it might take a whole row of people dropping dead until we manage
to corner ourselves into a position where we can no longer give ourselves a
choice to postpone any necessary changes in our lives. But that's how it
works, so can't complain.

I'm nearing that point myself, currently. It haunts me, all the time closer
and closer. I can go only so far this way anymore until I have to take that
other road and start living a bit differently: start living a life that is
completely mine and not partially borrowed from anyone else.

I'm not there yet.

Maybe I need to bump into a few more deaths before I get zapped into alignment
with all things relevant. I can just anticipate now, and that makes me both
scared and thrilled.

------
ams6110
You know, this is going to sound callous, but everybody dies. Any one of us
could be killed in an accident tomorrow. All this "live without regrets" is
just flatly impossible, and a waste of time to sit and worry about. Every
choice has opportunity costs. I can't believe that anyone gets through life
not wishing he could take back some decisions he made, but even if this were
possible, those changes would have their own unintended consequences.

You are who you are. You love what you love. The world isn't perfect. Don't
sit and think your priorities are "wrong" all the time.

~~~
pyre
I think a lot of the people that feel that their 'priorities are wrong' are
people that think that X is important but keep procrastinating X because "I'll
have time later." Things like this point out to them that maybe they won't
have time later.

Also, all regrets are not created equal. You may regret that you didn't go for
some hot girl you had a crush on in HS, but you probably wouldn't regret that
as much as ignoring people that you care about because you had tunnel-vision
on a task that doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things.

------
andywood
This post has me wondering about the health of my figurative soul. Not because
it didn't move me - it did. The last sentence definitely brought tears to my
eyes when I first read it, and then again when I thought of it again.

No, the reason it has me worried is because although I have people I care
about, I don't think I love anybody so much that I'd rather spend time with
them than work/learn/create things. When I think about starting a family, I
worry about how much I'll regret not being able to devote my full energy to
building intellectual edifices out of math, bits, and music. But I see most
people here saying the opposite.

I'm trying to tell myself that this is only because I don't have kids. Surely,
if I had kids, my whole perspective would change, and I'd become a more
complete human being, right?

~~~
InfinityX0
I feel the same way. The weird thing to me (observing from a distance), is
that having kids is in a way, a projection of those things you're already
doing, just in a physical form. But I don't have kids, so I don't know for
sure, that's just what it seems to be - projection of ego that can capture
your attention, instead, because it seems like a bigger thing to "build" than
some webapp.

~~~
ams6110
Except you don't "build" a kid, and they don't turn out the way you expect
they will before you have them. I've found that their interests, passions, and
abilities seem to have little to do with what I'd like them to be, and are
mostly either innate or governed by mechanisms I don't understand. I have
three kids and they are all quite distinct individuals despite being raised in
basically the same environment by the same parents.

~~~
dennisgorelik
Not only that. All your kids have quite similar set of genes. And yet they are
still different.

~~~
danssig
I think when all things are tallied you would find they end up pretty close to
a combination of you and your wife. There are just parts of you that you don't
realize are the way they are.

------
spottiness
I was about to cry but didn't happen. I've been in this position before and
I've had tears rolling down. But not this time. I have learned and I know that
it's not as simple as taking things for granted or not. Those that are running
to their wives and kids right now are just emotionally hijacked by the rush of
whatever neurotransmitter is triggered in this situations. Tomorrow it will be
different and a week from now even more. And that's OK. Life goes on and we
have to explore other things, pursue new goals; and if we're wise enough,
we'll find a way to find peace within ourselves.

~~~
hobbes
What a desolate, barren worldview materialism is!

In your view, wisdom is an illusion. So is peace. Are not these just specific
neurotransmitter configurations? Nothing more. The only 'wisdom' that makes
sense according to materialism is: "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we
die!" The only peace that can be gained from materialism is not acceptance of,
but numbness to, the absolute vanity of existence and the absence of anything
that transcends the merely physical.

I love my wife and kids.

~~~
spottiness
I believe that the mind is a product of the brain and so are emotions. I
believe in evolution, and our very old brain evolved to help us survive in
very different circumstances than we have today. Unfortunately, surviving has
nothing to do with feeling happy, and some of the strategies hardwired in our
brains to help us survive, actually makes us suffer; makes us sad. The mind,
on the other hand, rewires the brain all the time. The ultimate goal in life
is to be happy. Whatever we do, ultimately we do it for our happiness. Wise is
he who finds mechanisms to rewire the brain such that "it" enjoys what the
world is showing, such that it finds tranquility and remain equanimous.

I'm glad that you love your family. Guess what: I love mine too and I'm trying
to love yours too, because we're not that different.

And yes, we live in an illusion, fabricated by our brains. But, regardless of
what reality really is, what we feel is what matters. Your love for your
family is what matters. Your happiness is what matters, to you. And if you
don't believe that we live in an illusion, take a look at this image:
[http://web.mit.edu/persci/people/adelson/checkershadow_illus...](http://web.mit.edu/persci/people/adelson/checkershadow_illusion.html)

------
mrbill
My wife passed away unexpectedly at the age of 34 two years ago. The last line
of Derek's post made me lose it, sitting here in my office at work.

------
khafra
There's nothing here that couldn't have been done before the Internet; but the
instant ubiquity of such well-written final words seems to increase the
emotional immediacy of it, for me.

I was taken aback.

------
kno
As a kid I spent a lot of time wandering around a cemetery near my grand
parent’s house, I read tombstones of folks, some of them younger than I was;
That somehow numb my fear of death as I considered each day alive as a gift.
Now as a father I fear death not because of actually leaving this world but
dying before my kids are old enough to take care of themselves. I see Derek
had the same fear and that must have been devastating for him, so sad. I pray
and wish his daughters and wife well.

------
wewyor
Cache (since it seems to be down now):
[http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://...](http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.penmachine.com/2011/05/the-
last-post)

~~~
AndrewJG
Can't even get to the cache.

~~~
JacobAldridge
Try text only
[http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://...](http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://www.penmachine.com/2011/05/the-
last-post&hl=en&strip=1)

~~~
ambiguity
<http://www.readability.com/articles/kj6dgb0f> makes it pretty.

------
anydot
Currently looks overloaded, here it's text of hist last posts saved on
pastebin: <http://pastebin.ca/2053916>

~~~
kristofferR
I still had the page open in a tab, so I took a screengrab of the whole page
for those who want the original formatting

<http://kristofferR.com/files/lastpost.png>

------
jradakov
So sad. This made me even more grateful for the life that I have. The
transient nature of life is difficult to come to grips with. I wish Derek's
family well.

------
rglover
I've nowhere near completed the life that Derek had (I'm only 23), but his
"last post" has really inspired me to pay more attention to life, those around
me, and what is truly important. This was a really thought provoking post.
Take the time to read it, the lessons he teaches are invaluable.

------
awfycooper
The points he touches upon about things he will now never get to see has
haunted me since a very early age personally. It was scary to think that the
man who wrote these words which I have worried about for years has now passed
away and won't get the opportunity to see what happens in 2061.

The final paragraph is the kicker and has my eyes watering up, I hope his
family all the best and hopefully we'll see his two daughters do something
just as great as Derek has done online!

~~~
awfycooper
Just to explain just how much this concept of missing out on the future has
affected me, read here; <http://gre.gs/post/958258554/time>

~~~
golgo13
I wear a Halo UNSC hoodie around and people always ask what it stands for, or
what branch of the military I am a part of. I tell them it stands for the
United Nations Space Command and it won't exist for another 150 years. And it
really bothers me that I have absolutely 0% chance of seeing the year 2160.

~~~
Confusion

      And it really bothers me that I have absolutely 0% chance
      of seeing the year 2160.
    

With exponentially advancing science and all that, I'm envisioning nanobots
killing cancer cells, cleaning out blood vessels, keeping my neurons connected
and renewing everything that needs renewing. Don't be too sure you won't see
2160.

------
willidiots
Suddenly, none of my problems matter.

------
jh3
I'm trying very hard not to cry in front of my coworkers right now. A very
emotional, great read. Unfortunate circumstances. Condolences to his family.
:(

------
marquis
I knew Derek briefly on a professional level and knew he had cancer but we
lost touch. Seeing his post here was how I learned he passed, he'd be honoured
to know so many people care and that his words will live beyond him.

------
lux
I worked with Derek on a few websites years ago, and though I've never met him
in person (we lived in different parts of the country), he made a definite
impression on me as a genuinely good and thoughtful person. Funny how some
people just stand out in your memory, even after years have passed. My heart
goes out to his family and friends right now. He will be missed by many of us.

------
djit
Thx for the link, this was a _very_ emotional read.

------
dr_
I hope this reminds people, especially in light of recent news, that cancer
kills far more people in this country than terrorism ever has or will. We must
do what we have to to keep our nation safe and secure, without doubt, but if
we could spend this amount of money towards medical research and stop
politicizing it, we could achieve wonders.

~~~
katie_g
Thank you. Well stated.

------
BasDirks
I'm gonna make tomorrow my best day ever.

~~~
foenix
Why not today? Why not now?

I had the exact same feeling when my friend died in a car wreck. The trick to
living life to its fullest is to tease out the beauty in every moment.

~~~
BasDirks
It was for quite practical reasons: at the time I posted above comment I was
about to go to bed :D I had a really good day by the way.

------
Maro
I can't read this, it's too moving. Maybe in parts.

------
rooshdi
Thank you for sharing this. His life has now touched us all..

------
thomasdavis
How much of a tear jerker was the last sentence?

"I loved you deeply, I loved you, I loved you, I loved you."

~~~
msredmond
Brought me to tears..almost bringing me to tears again reading it here.

------
logjam
Thanks for posting this...so moving.

The strangers around us, even those we brush against on the web, are all
fighting hard battles at some level. Compassion in the midst of our sometimes
misguided inclination toward competition can keep us human, and sane.

------
zavulon
While this was a beautiful and very moving post, I disagree with this:

> I haven't gone to a better place, or a worse one. I haven't gone anyplace,
> because Derek doesn't exist anymore. As soon as my body stopped functioning,
> and the neurons in my brain ceased firing, I made a remarkable
> transformation: from a living organism to a corpse, like a flower or a mouse
> that didn't make it through a particularly frosty night. The evidence is
> clear that once I died, it was over.

With all due respect to Derek, and it's remarkable he was standing by his
beliefs until the very end, he has no way of knowing that's what happened.

~~~
thebooktocome
And neither do you.

