
How Our Social Lives Can Be as Great as They Were in College - baron816
https://medium.com/@baronwilleford/a-way-towards-a-better-social-life-ad430b18882f#.b826rycky
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smacktoward
But it's _natural_ for the types of relationships you form to change as you
get older, because _you 're_ changing. You're taking on responsibilities and
discovering yourself and doing all the other things that passing through life
entails. And as you do that, you grow and deepen and find new priorities that
suddenly move you the way the old ones don't anymore. That's the human
experience; it's not a bug, anymore than it's a bug for a caterpillar to
become a butterfly. It's a _feature._

Someday you're going to be 30, then 40, then 50, and so on, and the farther
you get from your college years the more narrow and limited they are going to
seem. Eventually you will look back more in wonder than in comprehension at
the you you were then, the same way college-aged you felt looking at a
toddler; the way I imagine the butterfly looks at the caterpillar. Besides,
the butterfly couldn't fit back into its chrysalis even if it wanted to. It's
changed too much to fit into those old clothes anymore.

I feel like so many startups boil down to attempts to arrest that natural
development; to freeze life in amber, just the way it was when the people
behind them first came of age. But while I know from my own experiences what
it's like to make that transition and worry what the future is going to bring,
there's not much to be gained from trying to build a barricade to prevent it
from arriving. The future is going to arrive whether you want it to or not.
The way to handle that is to throw your arms around it, _embrace_ it, and
become the you that you were always meant to be, rather than trying to hang on
to a you that already slipped out of your grasp before you even noticed.

~~~
baron816
That's a wonderfully eloquent comment, but I don't think you really understand
what I'm trying to accomplish.

Krewe isn't about keeping the college years going. It's about becoming part of
your local community and building valuable relationships. It's natural, and
critically important for people to have those things as that's the way society
evolved. Early man spent his entire life in a small tribe and knew everyone
around him. But these days, people often don't know anyone who lives in their
neighborhood, and we become socially isolated as a result.

Krewe isn't about meeting a bunch of people. It's about meeting them and then
having the opportunity to get to know them. If you only become close with one
person, that's great. If you become part of a strong, interconnected network
that you can use to have great real-world experiences, grow your career, and
find romantic partners, that's even better.

------
ASpring
It's a decent idea but this is not the way to solve it.

Think about how many people you met during your college experience? It was
easily hundreds. Out of that you came away with many friends but likely only a
few really great friends. I don't think simply introducing 6 random people
will even result in 1 successful friendship on average.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and recently won a chunk of money
at a hackathon with an idea in this space. Ping me if you want to talk more.

~~~
baron816
I made all of my friend from the groups of people I had to spend the most time
with. I didn't become close with all those other people in college because I
didn't have a lot of access to them. When you were a child, all your friends
with were just random kids from your school district, right? They stopped
being random because you spent enough time with them to get to know them, and
the only good way you can really do that is if they live close enough to you
to see them often.

I'd definitely love to hear about your approach and any other feedback. How
can I contact you?

~~~
aidenn0
> I made all of my friend from the groups of people I had to spend the most
> time with

As did I, but perhaps those people were in the same major or the same club as
you rather than just 20 random people?

Furthermore, the club I was most active in had about 20 people, but I really
only spent time outside of club activities with 3 or 4 of them, so to
replicate this you need 20+ people that share a common interest, that are
forced to be together as a prerequisite for engaging in that interest. I'm not
sure Krewe provides that.

~~~
baron816
People always ask me about interests, and I always say that I don't think
they're as important as you might imagine. If everyone lives in the same
neighborhood, then they already have something in common. People's differences
can be just as likely to bring people together as their similarities. The best
conversation topics are going to be about what's going on in your life, or
about a funny experience you once had. Plus, you can influence each other over
time and come up with new shared interests. I can go into this a lot more, but
it'll likely need to take up another blog post.

Krewe will let you meet 20+ people over time. It starts at 6 because that's a
comfortable size (you can go into it knowing everyone's names, sit at a booth
in a bar, and have a group conversation). Most mature adults can easily get
along with anyone. Eventually you'll find the people you really connect with.

~~~
aidenn0
Perhaps what I said wasn't clear.

If you want to major in Physics, you'll encounter a lot of physics majors from
the same year as you over and over again, regardless of your desire to do so.

If you join the chess club, you'll encounter a lot of chess club members over
and over again.

In both cases you are being forced to spend time with these people, regardless
of your desire to. Some of those people will rub you the wrong way, others you
will start to hang out with outside of the initial context you met them in.

------
yolesaber
Honestly, I had some amazing times at my school (upstate hippy dippy liberal
arts college where I majored in computer science, creative writing, and
recreational cannabis inhalation) but I much prefer socializing and meeting
new people in the city the author and I live in. There's just such a huge
variance of people, interests, and scenes that it's very easy to make new
friends (in my experience, YMMV). Making close friends is a lot harder. But I
feel making the whole process through an app and "scheduled" really takes away
from the organic means one builds lasting friendships with.

"That would make living in New York more like living in a small college town,
where I could walk down to a local bar on a whim and expect to bump into a
handful of close friends. "

You can do this if you start chatting up people at the bar? Or frequent an
establishment where people you enjoy being around go (gallery, hacker space,
whatever)

I think you have the seed of an interesting idea, but my gut reaction to a lot
of the friendship / dating apps is that they are solving problems a person can
solve on their own if they are willing to do so.

~~~
baron816
The problem with trying to make friends "on your own" is that it's really
uncomfortable. For many, chatting up someone at the bar is uncomfortable to
begin with, but then asking them to hang out on a "friend date" later on is so
much worse.

The great thing about Krewe is that you have a group dynamic, which is much
more comfortable since you're not forced to maintain a long conversation and
there are no confused intentions.

A person with the right personality will always be able to make lots of
friends, but for the rest of us, it's much more difficult and frankly, might
not even happen. 20% of Americans say they're lonely and the number of close
friendships we have has been falling for years.

~~~
toomuchtodo
> The problem with trying to make friends "on your own" is that it's really
> uncomfortable.

Social interactions and relationships take effort, as well as nurturing. If
you're uncomfortable making the attempt, like any skill, you will get better
the more you try at it.

An app or website is not going to make socializing any easier. If anything, it
will handicap you further.

