
Ask HN: What is your best programming joke? - apon
There are many software, technology and programming related jokes. What is  the best joke that you know?
======
mindcrime
A newly married Microsoft software engineer is driving to visit his wife and
her family somewhere in the mountains of Europe. He calls and says "I'm about
30 minutes away". Later he calls and says "I'm about 37 minutes away". A few
minutes later he calls again and says "I'm about 5 minutes away". After about
30 minutes, he calls again and says "I'm about 2 hours away". His new wife's
father grabs the phone and asks "you're the guy who designed the Windows
progress bar widget, aren't you"?

\---

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a Microsoft software
engineer are riding in a car going to a conference. They start down a hill and
the brakes go out, and the car crashes into a tree. Luckily, no one is
injured, and they all get out of the car and start trying to figure out what
happened.

The electrical engineer looks at the car and says "Hmmm, must have been a
short-circuit in the ABS electronics."

The mechanical engineer says "no, no, it must have been an over-pressure
situation with a brake line, causing the line to burst and allowing the brake
fluid to leak out."

They both look at the Microsoft guy who had been quiet so far and ask "what do
you think"?

He looks at the car and say "I don't know - let's push the car back to the top
of the hill and try it again".

~~~
apon
=D =D =D... your joke was really funny!!!

------
andreygrehov

        function getTomorrowDate() {
            sleep(86400);
            return date("Y-m-d");
        }

------
JakDrako
A wife asks her programmer husband "Honey, could you go to the store and get a
loaf of bread? Oh, and if they have eggs, take half a dozen."

So the guy comes back with six loaves of bread.

------
csixty4
Three programmers come to a one-way street.

The computer scientist looks left, sees there's no cars coming, and crosses.

The professional programmer looks left, then looks right -- just in case! --
before crossing the street.

The distributed systems programmer looks left, then looks right, then looks up
to make sure there aren't any planes falling out of the sky...

------
lordCarbonFiber
I'd tell you a UDP joke; but you might not get it.

~~~
dozzie
A. Would you like me to tell you a TCP joke?

B. Yes, I would like you to tell me a TCP joke.

A. OK, I will tell you a TCP joke.

------
darekkay
How do you tell an introverted computer scientist from an extroverted computer
scientist?

An extroverted computer scientist looks at YOUR shoes when he talks to you.

\---

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!

\---

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, that's a hardware problem

------
nickwhite917
Knock knock. Who's there? (wait a few minutes) Java

\----

A DBA walks into a bar, goes up to two tables, and says: "can I join you?".

\----

Many great jokes here: [http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/programming-
jokes/](http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/programming-jokes/)

:)

~~~
dozzie
> Knock knock. Who's there? (wait a few minutes) Java

Knock knock. Assembler

~~~
codingmyway
Knock knock. Race condition. Who's there?

------
debunn
A biologist, a statistician and a computer scientist are all riding a train
together through Africa, when they notice a herd of zebra from their window.

The biologist notices that one of the zebra are entirely white, and exclaims,
"Wow! Look at that – it’s a completely white zebra! This is an incredible
scientific discovery!"

The statistician then responds, "Well, it’s only one zebra out of millions –
it’s statistically insignificant."

The computer scientist then sadly laments, "Oh no! A special case!"

------
ramtatatam
This one always feels familiar:
[http://thecodinglove.com/post/143833542853/debugging-in-
prod...](http://thecodinglove.com/post/143833542853/debugging-in-production)

This one is always making me laugh (especialy those fish eyes):
[http://thecodinglove.com/post/72681300803/how-i-picture-
our-...](http://thecodinglove.com/post/72681300803/how-i-picture-our-apps-
users)

------
coledot
Two C strings walk into a bar.

The first one says, "Hello, bartender. I would like a beer."

The second one says, "I would also like a
beer.a9545hn1g!#$8uq34fg98^ZDs7tgSDSR("

The bartender asks the first string, "What's up with your friend?"

It replies, "Don't mind him, he's not null-terminated."

\---

And a variant on the above:

The first string says, "Hello, bartender. I would like a beer."

The second string says, "I would also like a
beer.a9545hn1g!#$8uq34fg98^ZDs7tgSDSR("

The bartender replies "root@localhost #"

~~~
e19293001
> The bartender replies "root@localhost #"

The buffer overflow exploit worked!

------
NicoJuicy
Xkcd has a lot of good ones but this is one of my favorites:

[https://xkcd.com/327/](https://xkcd.com/327/)

------
bryanp
In order to understand recursion you must first understand recursion.

------
ramtatatam
++++++++++[>+++++++>++++++++++>+++>+<<<<-]>++.>+.+++++++..+++.>++.<<+++++++++++++++.>.+++.------.--------.>+.>.

------
opendomain
There are 10 people that understand binary Those that do, and those that do
not.

~~~
abhijitkini
Indeed a great joke and has become mainstream. Here's the latest version:

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand Ternary, those
who don't and those who mistake it for Binary

------
informatimago

          DO 10 I=1.10

* AIN'T IT FUNNY?
    
    
       10 F(I)

------
veganjay
What did the system administrator bring back from the beach?

A C (sea) shell!

------
opendomain
This is the best database in the world. There is NoSQL

~~~
bbcbasic
Explain?

~~~
opendomain
NoSQL is a new type of database "No sequel" means there is no further story.
There is nothing after it.

------
M0llyPolly
A system administrator has 2 problems:

\- dumb users

\- smart users

------
EJTH
My paycheck... :'(

