
Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss? - dummy_123
I am burnt out at work and not sure how to start the discussion with my boss. I&#x27;ve tried addressing the problem myself over the past year by means of exercise, diet, getting more sleep, more time spent on hobbies, socializing more, and pacing myself at work. It&#x27;s not helping, it&#x27;s just getting worse. I know quitting and finding a new job is an option but I would prefer not to. How can I have a productive discussion with my boss about burnout? How did you handle it?
======
burp3141
My manager and I had a 10 year relationship going. I had just transitioned to
a new role, had a new born and taken on too much. I was feeling it for 6
months but finally broke at around 9 months. I told him I couldn't do it
anymore and that I wanted a sabbatical. I told them that my backup plan was to
just quit.

He talked me off the ledge and within a day had transitioned my troublesome
projects to others and moved me to a four day work week to recover. He had to
run this by manager's three levels up, do an insane amount of HR paperwork
(fulltime -> not fulltime, pro-rated salary adjustment, etc.). All this
happened in a space of two days.

I stayed on a four day week for a couple of months. It was magical. He
retained my reduced workload when I came back full time.

His first comment when I initially cracked - "you should have come to me
sooner".

The quick reaction, sympathy and support I got cemented my loyalty to an
outstanding manager.I'm still here a couple of years later.

~~~
CaptSpify
I would like to interject: This heavily depends on the boss. I've seen great
bosses who will make stuff like this happen, and I've seen terrible bosses who
don't give a shit. Make sure you work for the right-kind of boss if you are
going to take this approach!

~~~
baconner
Speaking as a boss who I'd like to think falls into the former category... If
you don't ask you won't know what they'll do for you or not. Could be your
boss doesn't help or makes it worse then you know exactly what to do next -
quit,move to another team, or take it to hr id its really hostile. That dick
boss is probably the reason for your burnout (aka situational depression
caused by work) so the solution is in moving on.

~~~
eitally
[Also as a boss] I'm fully convinced that a lot of the badmouthing you hear
about "bad bosses" comes from people who never made any effort to create a
functional bidirectional trust relationship with their boss. There certainly
are bad bosses, and I would never claim otherwise, but I think we'd all be
better off if there was as much employee development training on "how to build
a relationship with your boss" as there is "how to be a boss" training.

~~~
Flow
I suspect many hacker types do have problems with the small talk, I know I do.

When I broke down and got sick I started cognitive behavioral therapy and
among the things we talked about was expectations. It turned out that I didn't
really know what my boss' expectation of me was. What I thought his
expectation was were one of the things that broke me. And it was all fantasy.
Lesson learned. Be frank and honest, don't be afraid to talk to your boss.
Make sure you get answers that are explicit and something you understand. Make
sure it's not cloudy company and management pep talk that you can't even
remember a few minutes after the meeting.

Me and my boss talked a lot, and I ended staying in the company, but switched
boss. :)

------
crikli
I'm a boss of devs. My off the cuff response to you is "please, god _please_,
talk to your boss." Say exactly what you told us. "I'm burnt out, I've tried
addressing the problem..."

Before you do, think through what's causing the burnout. It could be the
hours, that's where everyone goes first, but it could be a particular client,
it could be the number of projects you're having to concurrently work, it
could be your environment, it could something else completely, or it could be
a combination of a bunch of those things.

Once you get sorta close to what's causing the burnout you can work to a
solution that you can pitch your boss. But I wouldn't lead with it, I'd let
him ask you "so what can we do" and then present what you're thinking.

Speaking as a boss, I really don't want people quitting for negative reasons.
If they get some crazy offer that I can't match or they get to work on some
cool tech that excites them, them's the breaks and it suck for me but I'm
excited for them. But if I have people quitting for systemic reasons, man
that's bad juju and I need to know so I can fix that shit before quitting
becomes contagious and I lose a shop full of good people.

It's also been mentioned a couple times to see a counselor. I concur. You may
be dealing with some anxiety and depression issues that a qualified doc can
help you through.

~~~
johnward
Are managers like you common or are you some type of unicorn?

~~~
crikli
Nah. Most of the managers I worked with truly wanted to treat their people
well, they just didn't have the latitude or power to do so. They were given
lots of responsibility with no authority, they got dumped on by the jackwagon
MBA(s) they reported to, and they didn't have the power to do anything but
serve as a conduit between upper management and the field. It was/is a culture
problem endemic to many big corporations (and lots of small ones too).

------
jtfairbank
1\. Quitting and finding a new job doing the same thing (dev I presume) might
not solve the issues. It could lead to additional stressors that worsen the
problem.

2\. As an employer, make it easy for me! Be able to say what's going on
matter-of-factly with a focus on how you feel and how it affects yourself.
Don't focus on other people, now is not the time to air grievances within the
team. Come up with a few options you'd like to try and lay out the pros / cons
(ex. lightened work load for a month, different project, extended unpaid
vacation for 1-3 months).

3\. See a psychologist! It may be hard to find a good one, but it is totally
100% worth it to have a professional that you can talk to openly.

~~~
warfangle
I can't stress (no pun intended) #3 enough. Mental health is too stigmatized.
See a good psychologist! Many specialize in this type of stress.

In addition, try guided meditation (I use Headspace). It feels kind of hokey
at first, but it really helped me through a burnout period.

~~~
zo1
What exactly do you talk to a psychologist about?

I've often mused with the idea, perhaps there is some systemic issue that I
need to have help with identifying and resolving... But then...what? Perhaps
we have all seen way too many movies involving psychologists/psychiatrists,
that it's slanted our view. I know it has slanted it for me.

~~~
DanBC
Ideally you want to find someone offering cognitive behaviour therapy. You
want an experienced practitioner. One to one face to face settings are better,
but some people like group meetings or find telephone consults convenient.

For a mild problem you would be doing between 8 to 14 sessions of about an
hour each.

The aim would be to indentify a problem. Then identify the "hot thought", the
emotion it creates, how strongly you feel that emotion, and then the evidence
you have for it.

You don't push that thought away, the therapist doesn't try to correct it. You
sit with it for a few moments. You learn to identify the physical changes your
body goes through (increased heart rate, sweaty palms, faster breathing, tense
neck etc). Then you think of different evidence. You think about that new
evidence, and say if it affects how strongly you feel the original hot
thought.

It's an iterative process! This is just a very quick description - it's a bit
more involved than that.

You're right - movies are _terrible_ portrayals of mental health treatment.
Like CSI does computers level of bad.

~~~
warfangle
I think the best portrayal of mental health treatment I've seen was Josh
Lyman's treatment for PTSD on The West Wing.

And it still had a lot wrong with it.

------
jaredhansen
I supervise developers. This is easy: talk to your boss. Either way, this
solves your problem.

Outcome 1: it goes well. Your boss listens with empathy. Your boss works with
you to find ways to help you feel better. You take some vacation or etc., and
then come back to work feeling renewed. Success!

Outcome 2: it goes poorly. Your boss blows you off. Now you have an easy next
step: Go find a better place to work (e.g., email me). Success!

~~~
johnnycarcin
+1 to this. After spending a lot of my career searching for the best paying
job and not giving a shit about anything else I have recently realized that
what I am doing and who I am working for is kind of important to me (good pay
is still nice don't get me wrong). For that reason I have been working on
building no-bs relationships with my managers. I tell them how I am feeling,
both good and bad, and hope they'll do the same. The bosses this type of
relationship has worked well with were the type of people I enjoyed working
for/with and the ones who get that "life happens". In my opinion the good
managers understand that their job is to enable their employees and remove
road blocks. If your manger doesn't feel that way then maybe it's better you
move on.

------
Jemaclus
As a manager, if an employee of mine came to me and said "I'm burning out,
what do I do?" I'd do whatever I could to help them rediscover their passion
for the job they're doing.

But as an employee, I made the mistake at my last job of telling my boss that
I wasn't happy. Instead of trying to help, he pushed me out the door. I'm glad
to not be there any more, and my happiness levels skyrocketed, but I'll be
wary in the future of telling my boss that I'm unhappy/burnt out.

It sucks.

~~~
cwilkes
If you were happy after you left the job, didn't your boss do you a favor?

~~~
Jemaclus
Sort of. It's a long story, but I got transferred into his department. I was
happy in my other department and unhappy in his. So in that regard, it was not
a favor. But since the transfer was effectively irreversible, it wound up
being a favor in that I could move on and find something better.

The other major downside was the stress of being unemployed and having to find
a new gig. But it all worked out in the end, so there's that.

Next time, I'll keep it to myself until I find another job.

------
oberstein
If it's getting worse, you haven't hit full burnout yet. You should stop right
now unless you really want to suffer that, let this be a cautionary tale:
[http://jacquesmattheij.com/dealing-with-burn-
out](http://jacquesmattheij.com/dealing-with-burn-out) I would just give a 2
week notice out of the blue. I'd say I'd made plans for a year's 'sabbatical',
and I would give that to the company as the primary excuse for leaving -- if
you can work out a deal where they'll hire you back then great but don't hold
your breath. If you don't have a year's expenses saved up then you should also
think about moving to a less expensive area. You can always move back when
(and if) you decide to get a job in the area again, which may be much less
than a year but if at the end of the year you still feel aversion your next
Ask HN should be on reentering the job market but wanting to transition out of
a pure programming role into something else similarly well paid (but maybe not
even in tech).

Edit: Downvoters may not think this response is justified, but full burnout is
very serious.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burnout_%28psychology%29](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burnout_%28psychology%29)
If you're still at the stage where a "break", even one so long as a year, can
help you get your head back in the game, you need to take advantage of that
now rather than later before you burn out completely and spend at least a year
but maybe even a decade to build yourself back up to a passable shadow of your
former self, productivity-in-the-field-wise. That you have been struggling to
fight burnout for a year already while it's getting worse suggests you need a
longer break and perhaps a big shift in day-to-day work rather than a simple
week or two near a beach without internet.

~~~
hughw
I second this motion. It's time to locate a more suitable work environment for
yourself. The company's not going to change... and your personality's not
going to change... but you can control what company you work at. Quit now, and
spend some time locating your next gig. I wish you luck.

------
mathgenius
I tried this once. Conversation was like this: ME: "Hi I'm not doing so well,
perhaps I could take a break?" BOSS: "Yeah, you're fired."

------
robby1066
I had a similar conversation with a manager a few years back, and it went much
better than I expected. It's tough, because on one hand you're literally
saying to the boss, "I'm currently unhappy and unable to work at the level I
expect of myself.", but hopefully they are able to empathize enough to want to
work through it. It could easily go the other way, though. My advice is to be
prepared for it to be a conversation that leads to you not working there
anymore, but at the same time be open to being pleasantly proved wrong.

Also, burnout feels terrible. Really sorry to hear that. Good luck!

~~~
mikekchar
> "I'm currently unhappy and unable to work at the level I expect of myself."

I think this is a really good way of putting it. I think it's also important
to realize that you may go through stages of feeling like this fairly
frequently. It's when you don't do something about it (often because you feel
like you can't), that it gets to be a problem.

The conversation "I want to do more / I want to do better. Here are the things
that are in my way", feels a bit awkward at first, but in reality it is music
to a manager's ears -- _especially_ if your manager has been thinking, "What's
going on with Joe? I really expect more from him." Often they are afraid to
broach the subject because they don't want to put pressure on you and
potentially make things worse.

Removing roadblocks so that people can do their work really well is the job of
a manager. I think that many people don't realize this and as a result don't
take advantage of/empower their managers. Often people view their manager as
an impediment to work around (or simply as the gatekeeper to getting a higher
salary).

Even if things are going well, I recommend that people get into the habit of
saying, "I want to improve X, but I'm having difficulty because of Y" (even if
Y is, "I don't know what to do"). See how your manager reacts and whether or
not they can help you (directly or indirectly). A good manager is worth a lot!

------
davemorro
I'm always a fan of being honest and authentic. Your mileage may vary
depending on your boss's personality and attitude to work/life though.
Previously I've recommended that in your next touchbase (you're having them
right?) simply let your boss know that you're feeling burnt out and as a
result not being as productive as you can be for the company and happy for
yourself. One would hope your manager wants both things (productivity and
happiness) and you should be able to steer the conversation from there to ways
you can reclaim energy and happiness.

~~~
chadnickbok
My fear is that some managers take this as a sign they need to think about
replacing someone - I'd be really careful about taking this option unless I
had a really great personal relationship with my manager.

~~~
falsedan
In the Bay Area, this chat triggers the Employee Retention Response Workflow.

~~~
musesum
I like how this response shifts the viewpoint from 1st person to 3rd person.

------
chadnickbok
If you're feeling burned out and you've put over a year into your current job,
I'd highly recommend you consider switching jobs. My own opinion is, if you're
not feeling passionate about your work, the first thing to try and change is
the work itself!

On the side of speaking to your manager, what's your relationship with this
person like? Its easy to see someone speaking to you about burnout as a
warning sign that you should consider replacing them. If that's your manager's
reaction, you'll need to start looking for new work anyway. I'd suggest being
_really_ careful about how you bring this up with them. Make sure you focus on
the positives (I love this job, I really like my colleagues, this is a
personal issue), over talking about any negatives.

Finally, perhaps this is a good chance to speak to your boss about taking on a
new project, or trying a different role for a little while? A change in your
day-to-day might make things seem a lot better :)

------
compostor42
When was the last extended break you had and how long was it?

Take a good chunk of time off with zero computer, technical or online stuff.

When I quit my old job earlier this year (after being burnt out hard) I was
able to take 3 weeks off before starting new gig at smaller start-up-ish
company. I used ZERO electronics and such over the 3 weeks. No programming
books are anything like that.Was finally "refreshed" when I started the new
job.

------
delbel
I burned out and it took me 6 years to recover. Still to this day I deal with
it. Two weeks ago I turned in my notice to a job that exceeded the stress
level I wanted in my life, and just for kicks I looked for a short term
contract a few days later. Immediately I was able to double my rate and get a
reduced stressed position. There is no way I would have been able to ace the
phone interview for the new shot term contract stressed out, working 60 hours
a week, and in crisis mode. Then, the old contract cut me lose early and I got
a week off to do some needed remodeling in my house before starting the new
gig. So it was a win for everyone.

~~~
lucaspiller
> Then, the old contract cut me lose early and I got a week off

One mistake I made for the first decade working was to always jump straight
from one job to the next with no time off in between. Taking even a week
between really helps you relax and gives you time to figure out what's
important to you. Although most people hiring want you to start ASAP, I doubt
they would be fased much about you starting a week later - even for short term
contracts you can usually squeeze it a bit.

------
emmelaich
We've switched to using Kanban at work.

I won't go into all of it, but one thing that has really helped is to have all
the tasks in progress on a board where everyone can see them.

And only have one task in express lane and two non-express items at any time.

You haven't said whether the problem is too much work or competing priorities
(or both). Whatever it is, this has helped me.

~~~
distrill
What were you using before the switch to Kanban? This is very interesting to
me, the idea that just switching up techniques can have that much of an impact
on how you feel at work.

~~~
cam-
Kanban is more relaxed than scrum.

When the teams I worked with switched to kanban, they liked that they didn't
have the end of scrum deadline, they also disliked that they didn't have the
ten day deadline anymore as they felt the arbitrary deadline helped to push
them a little.

That being said, kanban is better, it is more relaxed and feature feedback is
faster than scrum.

~~~
distrill
I'll have to look more into it then. At some point we just got tired of
hearing about all the different ways to approach agile, and we've been using
some sort of (mostly scrum) hybrid for the last few projects I've been a part
of. But if there really is merit to this then that's something to consider.

------
rverghes
What would you want your boss to do?

Let's say this is a perfect, magical world where your boss will do everything
possible to help you. What actions would she take? Would she switch you to
another team? Reduce your workload? Allow you to work from home? Let you take
a month off?

Basically your boss can't make your burnout magically go away. Figure out what
you'd ideally want her to do. Then figure if that's even possible. If the
concrete action you want is within your boss's power, then you may as well
ask. But understand that your boss may say no, and you may end up quitting to
get what you want.

------
giis
Disclaimer : I never had good relationship with any of my bosses in 10+ years,
may be my fault or may be theirs. I cant change my attitude.(i'm not
bootlicker and all my boss's expected that in my Indian environment/culture)

There are quite lot of good comments on approaching boss and talking about
your issue. I agree with them but let me ask:

your boss doesn't know that you are overloaded ? Can't he see there are people
in this team working less and probably getting paid more than you? If that's
the case, why he didn't act so far? Is he biased towards few members?

Bottom-line is , if your boss doesn't know that you are overloaded and work is
not split fairly- you can explain him about burnout issue, I'm pretty sure he
will solve the issue.

If your boss doing all this intentionally, in order to make you to fall in
line. I'd highly recommend getting a new job and then talk to him. Just to be
on safer side, if talks didn't go well.

Again read my disclaimer :)

EDIT : Oh..wait..there is one boss. He's kind of technical guy,which i admire
& respect. I can say I had one only good boss in these 10+ years. I changed 4
companies and met around 10 boss's in different projects.

~~~
mrweasel
>your boss doesn't know that you are overloaded ?

He might not, people have different stress levels. I get stressed pretty
easily, my boss, not so much.

As for not wanting/be able to change your attitude: I don't think you should
be expected to. There will be jobs you can't hold, but telling someone that
their attitude needs adjusting is somewhat narrow-minded. I behave, act and
react in certain ways. That's just who I am, that excludes me for working for
a large range of companies, but mostly is companies I wouldn't want to work
for.

~~~
giis
>He might not

then its good news, should definitely have a chat with him.

------
pixelmonkey
First, you definitely want to discuss this with your boss rather than just
quitting. It sounds like you like the company you're working for, but you're
just feeling the effects of burnout. Here are some questions for you:

1\. how long have you been at the company?

2\. what is different about the work you did this year vs the first year you
worked at the company?

3\. who at the company seems similarly burned out to you? have you tried
talking to that peer about burnout and what the root causes might be (e.g.
projects, technologies, pressure from business, etc.) before taking it to your
boss?

4\. do you think your boss is the kind of person who would welcome a frank
discussion about this -- is he or she the kind of person that already talks
about controlling for employee burnout and striving for work/life balance
among staff on a regular basis?

------
Killswitch
I got burnt out working 10+ hour days, 7 days a week for a year, tried to
ignore it and push through and was noticeably showing signs of burnout and
productivity issues because of it. I couldn't take it anymore and asked for a
week vacation. 3 days into the week vacation I was fired.

~~~
paulcole
Shitty employers do shitty things.

------
throwaway7373
Throwaway acct time!

I'm burnt out but there is no way on earth I would discuss personal problems
with my boss, particularly ones that might indicate a potential work
performance issue. I'd be handing this person a reason to actively start
searching for my replacement. No way. I'm closing in on 40, which severely
limits my options in Silicon Valley. I make a fairly decent salary, for a very
well known tech company. Not gonna risk that. I've got kids and a mortgage to
pay.

Quite frankly, I am shocked at the number of responses encouraging people to
do this. It seems very high-risk, low potential reward. Interview when you can
escape for a few hours, and if you happen to find a better job that looks like
it will be less stress, take it! THEN and only then should you tell anyone.

------
suneilp
It's great your trying to improve yourself, but that also adds stress when you
can't manage expectations well (which isn't easy anyways for many people).

You can leave and take a break. Or talk to your boss. I don't know what your
responsibilities are but it's never worth it to go burnt out for a long time.
You risk breaking yourself.

I experienced that and it sucks, big time. I'm becoming stronger because of
it. However, I'd rather see people learn without going through that.

I suspect you're worried about the consequences of talking to your boss. If
he's an asshole chances are that was already contributing to burnout. You'll
win if you get canned. It doesn't reflect on your skills so don't let your ego
get bruised because of a trifling matter. If your boss is semi-human, you also
win.

What helped me a lot was therapy and yoga/meditation. In yoga, good
instructors reinforce forgetting about worries of life for a "mere" hour and
focusing on myself. Once I stopped resisting that concept, life started
improving rapidly. It's a hard thing to go, dropping "everything". Finding
someone to talk or a group of people who understand is really important and
there are many people who have gone through these kind of things.

Many don't learn or understand the meaning of priorities until the experience
something traumatic.

So talk to your boss and don't quit before finding a new job. Or quit and take
a long break.

------
reality_TV
Attempt clear and open communication with your boss.

If they are receptive and want to help awesome stay there/cont. to work hard
for them.

If not go find somewhere else to work that respects you and your hard work!

------
oneJob
I could share my personal experience, such as the time when I told a boss of
mine with whom I had a great relationship that I was going to take a day off
before I got close to burning out, using the actual words "burning out", but
even though all the anecdotal responses are heart warming and all,...

1) this sort of thing is almost completely situational; i.e. depends on your
specific context

2) you won't know exactly how it will play out until you've said words that
you can't take back

3) at which point, if you miscalculated, you employer now has info that puts
you at a disadvantage

4) company-employee relationships _by definition and structure_ give the
company asymmetric advantages in issues such as information, financial
negotiations, and time-line strategies.

I say all this, not to be a wet-blanket, but rather to offer an alternative.
You can accomplish the same thing using different words. If you're burning
out, don't ask for understanding from your company, do the right thing for
yourself and do what is necessary to put yourself back on a sustainable path.
If this includes giving a different reason for how you end up dealing with it,
tell them what they need to hear, but, do _not_ add 'worried about your job'
to 'burnt out'.

------
dnautics
It seems like all of the things you are doing are the standard stupid
suggestions on what to do when you're burned out but you're not addressing the
real cause. I'm not 100% sure but I think that burnout is caused when there is
a mismatch between work and reward (not just monetary, but general personal
and social fulfillment).

Are you working on a huge, elaborate and edpansive project with lofty goals
that have maybe been scuttled by tptbs for no good reason, leaving your hard
work pointless? Are you bashing your head against failure that is beyond your
control for some reason? I think these are the sorts of things that truly
cause burnout, not overwork per se, but overwork coupled with a mismatch with
expected reward, especially if it's repetitive. Then you're training your
brain to be allergic to work, because hard work is negatively rewarded.

Paradoxically, the platitudinous prescriptions that many give (get fresh air,
exercise, etc) can be counterproductive because you reinforce non-work things
that give you the dopamine response of success in predictable, comforting
bursts.

Another approach I suggest is work modestly to strenuously hard on small
things with guaranteed or near guaranteed success that will also be fulfilling
in some way. Maybe the results will be immediately obvious because you are
building a small tool that helps your coworkers. Social validation and support
for your efforts will also help.

I could be wrong about the mechanism of burnout, but if what I describe hits a
nerve, I hope you will try to shake out of it with a mind to the mechanism of
your burnout. This strategy has really helped me get out of funks in
biochemistry (where failure is frequent), and I've helped many colleagues too.

------
iamailuj
This is something I've struggled with and did discuss with my boss after
listening to this podcast.
[https://www.accidentalcreative.com/podcasts/ac/podcast-
two-t...](https://www.accidentalcreative.com/podcasts/ac/podcast-two-traps-to-
avoid/)

I shared the podcast with my boss but first with a disclaimer to not panic. I
didn't want them to think I was on my way out. I found that the podcast
addressed exactly what I was feeling in regards to burnout. I suggested a 1:1
with my boss after to discuss direction and how they can help me make my way
out of my slump.

It ended up being a really productive conversation and my boss thanked me for
giving them the chance to discuss this with them. Since then my boss has been
throwing more challenges and opportunities my way to mix things up and help me
avoid burnout but also find new directions in the company that I like.

So my advice is if you like your day job but feel stuck and have a boss you
feel you can trust, bring it up. But delivery is key.

------
techjuice
Why are you burnt out would need to be addressed first? Is it because your
company understaffed for the work that needs to be done, too much travel,
deadlines to quick, etc. Depending on which one it is, quitting might be the
only option if you are not able to have your management address the issue
promptly. What I have done is go to their office and say Hi Manager's name do
you have a minute? If they say yes go ahead and close the door and let them
know you are feeling burnt out due 'REASON HERE' and that you were wondering
when you will be getting some extra personnel to assist you with the work.

Your manager should then relay this information into seeing what they can do
to lower the burden you having to take on by hiring more people or lightening
your work load. If that is not something they are able to do then you will
unfortunately have to start looking for a new job that does not weigh you down
so much.

------
cweagans
"getting more sleep" \-- how much are you getting now? For me, this is the #1
thing that affects my mood and productivity.

Also, on average, how many hours per day do you spend working or thinking
about work? If it's more than 8-9, stop it. Go be with your
family/dog/whatever is important to you and don't think about work at nights
or on the weekend at all. If you need to, turn off work emails (or even
better, don't have them on your phone to begin with), Slack notifications, or
whatever your org's ball and chain of choice is. I've worked at places where
it seems impossible to disconnect like that, and that's a pretty solid
indicator that you should look for something new (at least in my experience).

------
idoh
I am not sure how that conversation would go. In this era companies do not
have a lot of loyalty, and it might taint your image.

In your comment, you say that you tried to address your burnout, but is that
really true? Maybe think about the causes of burnout, and try to get to the
bottom of that. I know that for myself, I get burned out when I feel like I am
on a treadmill, where I work but there are no results (in other words, the
feedback loop gets broken). If that is the case with you, then maybe you could
adjust your role / projects so that there is a better connection between work
and reward or progress. For example, reducing page or app size, increasing
performance, things where there is a high chance of making some measurable
benefit.

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vinceguidry
You have to kinda gauge the culture. When I was getting ready to move on, I
let my new boss know, who got me a meeting with the CEO, where we hashed
everything out. We promised to keep everyone on the same page, and rash moves
were prevented on both sides.

But you do have to be firm. I hope you have some cash saved up that you can
live on in case of sudden unemployment. Personally, I'd recommend a three-
month trip abroad. I travel every few years and it's great for resetting my
burnout clock.

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davidgrenier
It may take a little while, but I'd recommend reading Living Non-Violent
communication or watching Marshall Rosenberg's 3 hour video on YouTube.

One important thing to grasp is the true nature of criticism (something that
goes both ways). You will find it extremely difficult to get what you want
from your boss if he hears a criticism as opposed to an unmet need, while if
he hears the later there are much better chances that he will see it as an
opportunity that he can opt-in.

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HelloNurse
What are the reasons of your burnout, and is there a plausible way to recover
without changing job? How much can your responsibilities, tasks, working
environment etc. be altered? Improving your situation might be impossible,
even if your boss and your colleagues care for your health.

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samelawrence
TIL I've never had a good boss.

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errorr42
Many years ago I take a week of vacation after almost year of 60+hr weeks. Got
fired on return, no official explanations. Unofficial reason- senior manager
don't happy about me absent on weekly meeting.

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fndrplayer13
Good luck. It all depends on how enabled your manager is to make a difference.
I've had good managers who listen, but I've never had a manager who was
actually enabled to make a difference.

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empath75
Before you do anything, get your resume updated and start talking to
recruiters, etc, and see what your options are. Make sure you have a fall back
plan before you open this can of worms.

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grok2
Yes, of course, you should. If your boss takes it properly, you will have a
good outcome. If your boss takes it lightly or improperly, you know what you
should then do.

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html5web
Talk first with your boss and then make your decision.

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suyash
There is no such thing as burn out. You're either progressing or regressing in
your job. Burnout, work-life balance are man made excuses.

~~~
hiou
I mean this sincerely because I truly am curious. This is a person that is
obviously going through a tough period in their life. Why did you find it
necessary to attempt to make them feel even worse than they already feel? Is
this some kind of tough love thing? Do you get satisfaction from kicking
others while they are down as some kind of ego boost? Or quite possibly some
other reason that I don't understand? Again, I'm not trying to judge you or
put you down. I very much am curious about your motivation here.

