

Challenge HN: feedback on elevator pitches - challengehn

Use comment threads to help edit and refine elevator pitches. <p>Post a your link to your project/start up and your pitch and then give others feedback. Is the pitch clear and easy to understand? Accurate based on looking at the site? Can you suggest better wording? Is it written with the correct audience in mind (e.g. general public vs. hackers)?<p>Please avoid unconstructive criticism and any feedback relating to the actual project or start up. This is specific to communicating pitches effectively.
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jtnt
FitFeud is a web-based system that allows companies to easily set up,
organize, and track the effectiveness of weight loss and fitness competitions
amongst their employees. In short, it's "The Biggest Loser" for companies.

FitFeud works directly with senior HR, Benefits, and Wellness executives at
medium and large companies, as well as partners in the health, fitness, and
corporate wellness community.

FitFeud uses competition as the motivation to help people reach their fitness
and weight loss goals, and is an easy to implement, low-cost service that
offers measurable results for businesses and their employees.

Competition = Motivation. Motivation = Success.

<http://www.fitfeud.com>

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triviatise
Hi jtnt, looks like we are the only ones on this thread :)

I like the idea and it feels exciting. A group of people I play hockey with
recently did a weight loss challenge together which I think is a great idea.

I like the comparison to the biggest loser as that really helped me to
visualize what it was. I think I would have liked to have that first. Im not
an expert by any means, but it seems like you could distill the elevator pitch
to:

Fit feud is the 'biggest loser' for companies. It is a web based system to
encourage weight loss competition amongst their employees.

All the phrases like "easily setup", "easy to implement" "low-cost" are
phrases that dilute the message. If you get past the first sentence, I would
follow it with "the way it works is...",

The target market is extraneous. I think it is important for you to understand
it, and be ready to answer questions about it, but isnt one of the top items.

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triviatise
www.triviatise.com

Like scvngr without having to go anywhere.

Triviatise increases retention of an advertiser's message by encouraging
consumers to take quizzes about products in return for a chance to win prizes.

The triviatisement can be embedded in the advertisers website.

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challengehn
Triviatise is a trivia based advertising platform. We increase brand
engagement by using giveaway based incentives to drive consumers to learn
about services and products.

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petervandijck
edit: Triviatise is a trivia based advertising platform. Increase brand
engagement through quizzes with prizes.

