
I'm 25 years old and I am lost - mlost
I co-founded a startup couple of years back which got acquired recently. Even though it was termed an acquisition, it was really an acqui-hire. When people congratulate me on that, I know in my heart that it&#x27;s not true and it doesn&#x27;t really make me happy.<p>Now, I&#x27;ve quit my job at that company because I just couldn&#x27;t work there any longer. And am trying to figure out what to do next.<p>I know for a fact that I want to run my own business and attain financial freedom but I can&#x27;t risk another startup at this moment because: 1. Startups are tough and I am afraid 2. I have a few financial responsibilities towards my family which I have to take care of.<p>Thus, I have picked up another job which I&#x27;ll join in a few weeks. It is not in a very &#x27;sexy&#x27; or &#x27;trendy&#x27; industry and I have no idea where it is going to take me in two years.<p>What do you do when you believe that you can do great things but something that you have no control over is holding you back? You believe that you are good at what you do and are meant for great things but you have to do your job even though it doesn&#x27;t do justice to your capabilities. How do you cope with that? Seeing your future as an underachiever pains you. What do you do?<p>In the course of trying to figure it out, I spoke to my friends about this,  I realised that most of them are going through the same thing. But they haven&#x27;t figured out how to deal with it. I don&#x27;t know if this is what they call a quarter-life crisis.<p>Thus, this is as much a distress call as it is a rant. And not having anyone else to turn to, I am posting it here at HN assuming that this is not just a problem for a handful of people but a general problem for people who believe in their ability to do great things (whether it is true or not is irrelevant to them).<p>The questions I posed here aren&#x27;t the only ones I have in my mind. But, I hope I have been able to convey the message. Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks!
======
webwright
_Why_ do you want to do great things? Seriously, dig into it. When I ask a lot
of people in startups this question and dig long enough, it comes down to
money-- they want to be rich, they want to be free.

Fact: I've met these rich/free people and they are largely working their asses
off to get more rich (and presumably more free?). The ones who make it
(largely) LOVE THE GAME. The few who get rich somehow but don't actually love
the game of getting rich are listlessly complaining about being unhappy.

You don't love the game, it seems. The way to be happy/satisfied is to find
the game that you love or learn to love the game you're playing. The latter is
often what to focus on-- there people with much less interesting jobs that are
satisfied with them. Whatever job you have, figure out how to be freakin'
awesome at it and opportunities fall into your lap- trust me. Or be the guy
who gets by, can't be happy, is always looking out the window.

All that said, don't settle for a shitty job. Get one where you're surrounded
by people who impress you in an industry/market that has potential. That's
where you'll find your next co-founder.

If you've got great ideas, start side projects. They turn into businesses all
the time.

Reduce your burn rate ruthlessly and save $. Seriously, your car/house/clothes
are too nice, and you have them because society makes you feel less successful
if you don't. Happiness and stuff have virtually no correlation. Get to the
point where you're downright smug about your burn rate. Smirk at people who
drive BMWs.

Remember that a million years of evolution has made humanity _naturally
discontent_ \-- do you think happiness/contentedness is a survival trait? Add
to that the external pressure of peers who make it big, do "great things", and
the river of marketing telling you that you need fancier watches, shinier
cars, the newest iPhone. Being happy/content takes smarts and discipline that
most people simply can't manage. Be one of the ones who can.

~~~
buckbova
> Seriously, your car/house/clothes are too nice, and you have them because
> society makes you feel less successful if you don't.

Stuff makes me happy. Moving from a tiny apartment with a small everything to
a spacious house made me much happier. It's comfortable. I now have a
wonderful kitchen to cook, which I enjoy doing, that I just couldn't do as
well before. I have a view out my large bay windows. It's great.

Driving a nice car is awesome, especially if you commute longer distances or
like road trips. I enjoy a comfortable luxury sedan with power.

I'm much happier with nice things. Society isn't telling me I like my large
flat screen tv. I am because it looks stunning on my wall.

I agree with what others say here about debt though. Don't go into debt to buy
yourself a bunch of crap you don't need.

~~~
dkrich
Amen. I wish I had realized at a younger age the importance of investing in
nice clothes. Not only does it make a person more confident, it is literally
the difference in many cases between getting a good job and a spouse and being
totally ignored. Despite what your teachers and parents told you growing up,
dressing well is critical to success.

Besides, why does it even matter if we enjoy something nice because society
tells us it should make us happier? Yes, when I go out I DO want society to
notice me and reward me. That's the reality of life- people have more respect
for those who present themselves well. If the respect of others is something
we value, then it makes sense to do what we can to gain that respect.
Pretending that you're somehow above the rules of society is both naive and
counterproductive. The bottom line is that if it makes us happier or more
successful then it was a good investment.

~~~
krek
> people have more respect for those who present themselves well

If presenting yourself well means driving a luxury car, or having an expensive
home, then no, I don't respect these people more than others. There are no
such 'rules of society' except for materialistic people.

~~~
gopher1
The subconscious mind is a very powerful thing. Even if you say you don't
respect those people more than others, it doesn't mean that you don't.

~~~
notahacker
Generally I respect people _less_ for ostentatious displays of wealth (though
a significant proportion of them have earned their money doing things I
respect _despite_ the sports car and bedrooms that outnumber even the guests).

Inverse snobbery is a very powerful thing too ;) But I'm probably an outlier

------
mattzito
There's two ways to look at this that I'll suggest, since I have a certain
amount of familiarity with this.

1) You're 25 years old, and already have one acqui-hire under your belt.
That's pretty impressive. Considering probably 90%? 99%? of people will never
have a startup they build acquired under any circumstances, it seems weird to
describe yourself as an underachiever.

There's this weird cult of young entrepreneurship, where it's implied that if
you're in your 20s, you _must_ be founding companies or you're just wasting
your time.

I'll throw something out there instead - why not spend the next few years
working at your day job and trying to learn how to be a better startup founder
the next time you do it? Think of it like being in training for the next gig.

2) my other perspective on this:

> What do you do when you believe that you can do great things but something
> that you have no control over is holding you back? You believe that you are
> good at what you do and are meant for great things but you have to do your
> job even though it doesn't do justice to your capabilities.

That's called "adulthood". Sometimes you have responsibilities that limit your
options or make it hard to do what you love.

~~~
dkersten
_" why not spend the next few years working at your day job and ..."_

I realised recently that my life would be a lot better right now if I worked
the so-called soul destroying corporate job because I'd have more money, work
fewer hours, have less stress during work, people would expect less from me,
I'd have infinitely more holidays, more work-free weekends...

Sometimes its hard to see what you've got until its gone :)

Don't get me wrong, I like being a founder and don't regret it for a minute,
but when times get tough I look back and think the soul destroying corporate
days were actually pretty good.

Which brings me to this: Life (usually) really is what you make of it.

~~~
mattzito
Yeah, so - I/we started GridApp when I was 23. I didn't have any grand dreams
about being a 20-something entrepreneur, I just came to the (accurate, as it
turns out) conclusion that it was never going to be easier to completely upend
my personal and professional life than it was when I was 23 - no mortgage, no
SO, no debt other than student loans, no kids, etc.

When we got acquired, I assumed that I would leave as soon as I could and do
it all again - but yet, I'm still here. It's interesting work, and while I
miss the ability to just get things done, I find that I've been getting a lot
better at dealing with problems at scale. So, for example, how DO you launch a
new product to a sales and support organization with hundreds of people?

I'm not saying I'll never start a company again, because I really want to, but
I'm enjoying feeling like I'm learning how to do things better next time.

~~~
imdsm
I do like your titles; CEO, CTO, Chief Scientist, Director of Development, and
Mr. Database.

~~~
mattzito
A lot of that was an artifact of how we got started - it wasn't quite clear
who would be doing what, and so other than CEO, everyone's responsibilities
were pretty amorphous.

I got saddled with "chief scientist", but practically speaking it was
"technical field operations and product management", which just ends up being
a lot to put on a business card.

~~~
throwaway7808
AFAIK "chief scientist" title assumes that you, or your team of scientists are
doing academic research. And that you publish results of your research.

Taking a title like that, while actually not doing it is a borderline fraud.
If I'll get a resume with "scientist" or "researcher" in the title, the first
thing I would look at would be published academic papers. If there are none, I
will not consider this resume.

~~~
mattzito
Well, the origins were far more benign than "borderline fraud" \- my original
role was doing product research in distributed database design and
performance. I gave a lot of talks and wrote a couple of (non-acaddemic)
papers on how to build widely distributed database systems, focusing on Oracle
RAC.

My job evolved to be more of a business-focused role, but my title did not.
The intention was never to mislead, and indeed, when asked, I never claimed to
be an academic.

> Taking a title like that, while actually not doing it is a borderline fraud

That seems like a strong conclusion to draw. My title now is "Product
Architect", but I'm not an architect, nor do I exclusively design products.

A quick skim through Crunchbase yields:

[http://www.crunchbase.com/person/jeff-
hammerbacher](http://www.crunchbase.com/person/jeff-hammerbacher) (bright guy,
not an academic)

[http://www.crunchbase.com/person/bram-
cohen](http://www.crunchbase.com/person/bram-cohen) (not an academic)

[http://www.crunchbase.com/person/chris-
slowe](http://www.crunchbase.com/person/chris-slowe) (not _really_ an
academic)

And that's in the first 10 results. "Fraud" seems strong.

------
joebo
I'm 32 and have found that my priorities have shifted over time. I had goals
of running a start-up and making work optional by 35.

I've been involved in start-ups and have been a partner in a couple.

I now have 3 kids and view my 8-6 job as an athlete views game day. I seek to
perform at my highest level during work hours and then try to turn it off
after. I don't miss it when I'm with my kids or my wife or friends. For me,
there's more to life than work/job/running a business.

I've also come to the conclusion that I have 100% certainty of improving my
kids lives through spending time with them. That time doesn't scale like
running a startup, but it's guaranteed to be effective. I'll take those odds
over the 1 in a million of running a startup, even if it's just improving 3
lives.

~~~
sdfghhasdf
But had you successfully created a startup, you would be able to spend even
more time with your kids.

Furthermore, if you were actually doing something you enjoy that 8-6 time
slot, 5 days a week, wouldn't be a waste of time.

~~~
joebo
> But had you successfully created a startup, you would be able to spend even
> more time with your kids.

What's the measure of success? Is the measure to generate or exit with enough
income to spend more time with my kids? If so, that's pretty rare I think. By
"more time", I assume we mean substantially more, as in, not having work a
full time job and maintain current lifestyle.

That's the 1 in a million odds I'm talking about. It's not like the lottery
where you find out instantly if you win or lose. It can take a decade of
extremely hard work and long hours to find out if you've succeeded at that
level.

> Furthermore, if you were actually doing something you enjoy that 8-6 time
> slot, 5 days a week, wouldn't be a waste of time.

I enjoy it greatly. I may enjoy running a start-up that is influencing
millions of lives, but maybe not. The grass is often greener. My job has
visible impact on hundreds of lives and I have a decent work/life balance.

------
JonnieCache
_> meant for great things_

This part of your post sticks out like a sore thumb. What "things?" How will
you know when the "things" you have "done" are "great" enough? What makes you
think you are "meant" for them? What does "meant" mean? Was your birth
heralded by a double rainbow or something?

I'm betting that "great" is defined relative to some imagined ideal that you
can never reach, or which you will constantly shift to ensure your own
continuing dissatisfaction.

Decide what you want.

~~~
gopher1
Yeah, that stuck out to me as well. Thinking like that is a sign that there
may be larger issues at play here. Truly satisfied and happy people don't
believe themselves to have been destined for greatness in any such manner -
even though they may or may not be as "great" as anyone else. And conversely,
truly "great" people, are often the benefactors of circumstance and luck more
than anything else. Focusing on attaining the greatness that you were destined
to achieve is a recipe for lifelong disappointment.

~~~
arunaugustine
Not attempting greatness, because of risk of disappointment?...I feel
something is missing there. I don't have any answers yet though. There must be
a third way.

~~~
gopher1
There's an important distinction between simply being ambitious about
achieving greatness, and feeling as though you were destined, or meant, to
achieve greatness. The former accounts for failure, while the latter does not.

------
kasey_junk
I'd be careful about falling into the HN echo chamber. Lots of the most
important and interesting technical work I've done has come in
boring/traditional companies and industries.

To be perfectly frank, I don't think you can learn the true craft of software
development (you didn't say you were a developer but I am so it's my
perspective) at least without a few stints in the "real" world.

I've also found the meme that big corps. are full of bad employees and
startups are full of the best and brightest to be completely untrue. At this
early stage in your career if you can't learn something from a traditional job
you aren't trying hard enough.

Also, you've been in the working world for one of the high times in our
industry. Those don't last, and startup scenes dry up. This won't be your last
move in/out of that world.

------
hyphyphyph
Just want to preface this: the following contains a giant wad of sarcastic
tone and is mildly accosting; this comes from my own internal dialogue with
myself about this same issue. My internal voice doesn't take my real voice
very seriously. It's not meant to be unkind whatsoever.

\---

There's something called Y-Generation; you're it.

Good for you, you think you're special. And your friends all think they're
special. Guess what? I think I'm the most special of everyone. Yup... this is
our plight, and frankly, we just need to get the hell over it. :)

If I really believe I'm capable of doing great things (which I do), then
there's no reason I shouldn't be doing them. But for some reason... _shrug_
Excuses -- my biggest one, ultimately, is that because I think I'm _sooooo_
smart, and capable of _suuuuch_ grand things, I'm scared shitless of trying
and failing and realizing that maybe I'm not quite as exceptional as I
thought. Poor little baby ego, awwww.... Keep putting up a front though.

You managed to say the sentence "Thus, I have picked up another job which I'll
join in a few weeks." Do you have friends who don't work in tech? Like, for
real? Normally... in the real world... you don't just "pick up" a job as if
you were going shopping. Spoiled goddamn brats, the whole bunch of us!

My suggestion is to go find a local pub with good staff and good regulars that
you can relate to. Go there more and more often until you're blowing all your
money getting tanked every night of the week. If you keep that up long enough,
and then push it just a little bit longer, you'll either figure out you're
exactly where you belong, or you'll get so fed up that you'll end up back
exactly where you are now. But this time you'll have something to run away
from.

~~~
shawn-butler
This is extremely poor advice whether meant to be unkind or not.

Alcoholism is not amusing.

Also you are projecting your inner thought onto others just as the original
poster is projecting his feelings onto those of his peers in order to find
self-justification.

Obstacles over which you you think you have no control is usually an emotional
response. Separate from your emotions. When I am feeling negative emotions, I
try to see them as a separate event, not a part of you, and I watch them.

This removes their power as commandments one must follow or believe in, but
rather they are just passing objects, like a leaf floating past you in the
wind. The leaf doesn’t control you, and neither do negative emotions.

Viewed existentially most "obstacles or powers" affecting us beyond our reach
are not really so. And those that are, just are. Better to accept them.

------
teekert
"What do you do when you believe that you can do great things but something
that you have no control over is holding you back?"

Whoever taught you that made a mistake. This is very typical of our generation
(yes me included) we all think we can be the president if we just work hard at
it. While all our parents heard was: "You know when you work hard you might
own a house, with a garden even!"

Happiness is reality minus expectation. ([http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-
generation-y-yuppies-are-u...](http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/09/why-generation-y-
yuppies-are-unhappy.html))

And you, your expectations are too big. Yes you can change reality but how
hard do you have to work to make it match your expectations of greatness?
Perhaps you should just learn to be content with what you have, be happy, who
knows what comes on your path. Your alternative is facing a high chance of
never being happy with yourself and your achievements.

I'm half way through this book: [http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-
Ancient-Stoic/dp/01953...](http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Good-Life-Ancient-
Stoic/dp/0195374614) On the advice of the HN crowd. So far I'm liking the
message. Try, regularly, to imagine life without the things you hold dear. Try
to want the things you already have.

------
shadowfiend
Some realize it later than others, but life is long. There's a lot of emphasis
on carpe diem, live today like it's your last, etc. That's actually a very
good way to get anxious about what you're doing today when you could be doing
it tomorrow. Sounds like procrastination, I know.

The thing is, putting things off makes sense. You can't do everything you
could ever want today, or tomorrow, or this week, or next. But you also have
several decades to do things. I think my greatest peace of mind comes from the
knowledge of three things:

\- I have plenty of time. And if I die suddenly from disease or accident or
whatever, the bad thing will be death, not “I didn't do everything!” \- I
won't ever do everything I want to. My mind is coming up with new things that
might be interesting to explore on a reasonably regular basis. But that's
okay. The things I choose are what make my life distinct from that of others.
\- What I want to do is going to constantly change. More of a corollary to the
previous one, but what I'm doing today will have inevitable influence on what
I want to do tomorrow.

Choosing to focus on taking care of your family now doesn't mean you'll never
have another opportunity to attain financial freedom. That opportunity may
take a different shape than what you're thinking of right now though.
Sometimes it's good to just let things settle for a while before launching
into the Next Big Thing. Sometimes you let things settle out and you realize
the Next Big Thing wasn't what you originally had in mind. That's what makes
things fun ;)

------
dumbfounder
I have 2 kids under 2 and I am working on 2 startups at once. That is
basically like having 4 babies. I don't believe you should necessarily wait
for the right time, for any kind of baby. There may never be an ideal time. If
you have something you are passionate about you go for it. If you don't then
you bide your time.

I have gone through periods of burn out and extreme passion about my startups.
Sometimes it's nice to have a steady paying job and be stress free for a
while. That's you biding your time until the right idea/opportunity comes
along.

I went through an acquihire myself. Don't feel bad, startups are a longshot,
and to see any positive outcome is much better than nothing. I worked for that
company for 2 years, became frustrated, had an idea I was excited about, and
then started something new.

So my advice is, take the stress-free job until you build up the passion to
work on something new. And then do it.

EDIT: typo

~~~
porter
Are those two actual startups, or more like two mirco "startups"? In other
words, are you trying to get both of these startups to grow massively fast, or
are these just businesses to cover your living expenses?

~~~
dumbfounder
Sorry for the delay in response... I would call them actual startups.

For one I raised $1.7m in money over the years several years ago, but then had
to scale it back due to lack of success. I pivoted it to a site that now has
millions of visitors per month, but I run it solo trying to figure out how to
make money and grow it.

The other company is just two us, my cofounder and I created a social media
analytics platform and we have done about $150k of revenue in bootstrap mode
in the past year or so. We are now trying to push a product to the masses and
may look for funding soon.

------
seanalltogether
When I was 21 I started a company with 4 other people that lasted about 2
years before we ran out of money. After that I went to work for an insurance
company. At the age of 26, the contacts I made from my startup started to
blossom, and I got back into a trendy company that I stayed at for 6 years
before breaking off on my own again around the age of 32.

Here's the thing, I was worried about going backwards in my carrier when I
went to work for the insurance company, but instead it taught me discipline
and gave me the chance to learn from veteran programmers. I would not trade in
those years for a new startup firm.

Don't feel like you're giving up just because you have to step back a bit. Use
it as a chance to get a different perspective on our industry.

------
agentultra
_What do you do when you believe that you can do great things but something
that you have no control over is holding you back? You believe that you are
good at what you do and are meant for great things but you have to do your job
even though it doesn 't do justice to your capabilities. How do you cope with
that? Seeing your future as an underachiever pains you. What do you do?_

This is what I call the "hero myth." We're all inculcated with the idea that
there is a heroic destiny before us from a young age. The stories we read, the
movies we watch, the parents and educators who teach us beseech us to "believe
in yourself and you can do anything." This seductive myth gives us the escape
hatch from reality that lets us believe we are special and that everyone else
is normal. It's a terrible myth and responsible for many summer blockbuster
movies and burning out many bright, young people.

It's bullshit. Do things. Enjoy your time doing them. Don't worry about what
other people think. Every person who has done great things is feeding the
tulips right now. You will one day too.

As for dealing with having responsibilities: get used to it. It doesn't limit
you. You have be more tactical with your time and learn to cut away all of the
fluff and focus. It tests you to learn what you truly appreciate.

------
fredleblanc
I think it's important to remember that in the world of the Internet, "running
your own business" doesn't have to be "a startup." I'm 32, and had a similar
realization a couple years back. I hated having bosses. I don't know if my
ideas were the best, but I feel like I tend to have good gut instincts. I was
tired of not having control of what I was doing.

I worked at a small web shop, a big ad agency, and a tiny remote-only web
thing. I saw what people were doing, and what was out there, and knew that I
knew enough that I could survive.

The hardest part was making the leap. To say "OK, I design and develop
websites under my own flag," and then to find people. Having worked in the
industry for a while, I had contacts, and so far (knock on wood) I haven't
really had to do a lot of marketing. It's all mostly word-of-mouth. Build
something, do a great job, get remembered/recommended, repeat.

Even though when you first get started you'll take a couple projects you might
not be thrilled with to get your feet underneath you, soon enough you'll be
raising your rates, getting to say no to projects your not interested, and
maybe even working on small product-like projects too to mix in with your
client-work. That's what I'm doing, I also co-lead development of a little CMS
called Statamic. I use it on a lot of my clients' sites (if they're OK with
it), and using it lets me improve it, while improving it helps me sell it.

It's not glamorous. It will probably never net me a 7-figure-profit for a
year. But it's fun, challenging, and rewarding. You don't have to build a
product that makes hundreds or thousands of people happy. You can build one
site for one person and they'll be just as thrilled. And on top of that, all
the challenges of business are there too. You get to pay taxes and everything.
:)

You also mentioned family obligations. For me, being self-employed helps with
that too. If something comes up, I can walk away from my desk and go help out
— whether it's picking up the kids, or just meeting my wife for lunch if she's
having a bad day.

Self-employment is risk, but it's a calculated risk that balances with
freedom. If I want to make more, I take on more projects. The hardest part
I've found is turning that off. ("You mean working 80 hours pays me 80 hours!?
SIGN ME UP!" — that just leads to burn out.)

Anyway, I know Hacker News is more startup-focused, and that you're probably
more interested in that, but I wanted to throw my two cents in that there are
other things you can do relating to the Internet that are just as interesting
and just as rewarding.

~~~
alanchavez
> If I want to make more, I take on more projects.

Or you can increase the transactions per customer. You don't have to have more
projects/clients to make more money. There are only so many projects you'll be
able to work on.

However, if you already have 10 - 15 customers, and you increase the # of
transactions per customer, you can reach 7 figure revenue per year.

~~~
fredleblanc
I guess I don't fully understand what you're saying here. For me, a "project"
is "I'm going to do something for you, and you'll pay me." The only way I
could gain more money that way is by raising my rate. (My projects are one-to-
one.)

Otherwise, time becomes the biggest limitation. I've toyed with the idea of
hiring people to work for me, but I really like sleeping at night, and I'm not
sure that I can do that if I'm worrying about being able to pay people. I've
heard that more people will spawn more projects and more money, but time and
time again I come back to the thinking: I'm not unhappy with what I have now.
No need to rock the boat.

Time, as always, will tell.

~~~
jotm
I think he means upselling and/or offering more paid services/products to the
same customers. Hosting, a new theme, regular blog posts (outsourced, of
course), plugins for social networks, integration with whatever, constant
monitoring, etc. - ideally on a subscription basis. This way, you can make
more money with the same number of clients.

------
ghgh
I was feeling the much same way when I was 27. I had a lot of ambitions, but
my financial obligations (and weak resume at the time) prevented me from doing
what I thought I was capable of.

I saved up some money, then took the best paying, most flexible–yet
reliable–part time work I could find. I got really lucky and found a boss who
was very understanding of my situation.

For the next few years I was fairly broke, but by having a steady part time
job, I was able to swing back and forth between developing new skills, working
on my own SAAS business, and freelancing when things got tight.

My business didn't hockey stick, but it had a steady bootstrapped upward
incline. When it was making enough to pay the bills, I stopped freelancing,
then eventually quit my part time job.

I traveled overseas a bunch, toured with my crappy band a few times, did all
the other stuff on my bucket list, then bought a house and had a kid. Business
is still good and consistent. I'm not rich, but I'm not poor either.

I'm 35 now. I spend my days hanging out with my son and answering the
occasional email, hacking at night or whenever. I've never been happier than I
am these days.

Sometimes, I wish I could travel back in time 10 years so that I could tell
younger myself, "hey, things will turn out really well." Would've made the
trip here a lot easier.

~~~
marcusstenbeck
Thank you.

------
madaxe_again
Welcome to the human condition.

I received some advice a number of years ago which has stuck with me, and
served me well.

If there's something you want to do with your life... Don't talk about it.
Don't think about it. You'll do so forever.

Just do it. You'll be 50 before you know what the hell happened.

~~~
macguyver
Exactly this.

Another advice from a book, which stuck with me: "If you have the desire to do
something, do it, because if you wait too long, you will find that the desire
has left you long ago."

I have done everything I wanted to do in my 20s. I have a technical/developer
background but left my startup career, with no job offer or backup nets,
became a SAG actor, and a whole lot more. I even wrote and published a bunch
of eBooks on this too.

BEST MOVE EVER.

I now have professional resumes in 3 different industries. Acting, Sales, and
Startups. Great diversification. I even joined another startup years later
doing something much more fun. The career gap came up, but I just told it like
it is. You will find open-minded people who want to work with you.

Now I'm in my early 30s, happily getting ready to settle down. Just follow
your heart. It's healthy and normal to yearn for great things. That is because
YOU are pure greatness. Those who take action will distinguish themselves from
those who don't.

What do I want to do in my thirties? Be a life coach to share my experience to
those who find value. Be a great father/life partner. Learn to surf.

------
stygiansonic
You might have Imposter Syndrome. Take a step back, and make a list of all
your accomplishments. This is not about being self-centered, it's about taking
a honest view of your life. During the day-to-day shuffle, with short-term
deadlines and other obligations, it's easy to forget about the long path
you've taken to get to where you are.

You co-founded a company that was acquired - how many people can say that?
Even if it was an acqui-hire, does that really make a difference? Why do you
feel that this accomplishment is not worthy of praise?

You didn't like working at the parent company and so you left to find
different work. What is wrong with that? I would bet that most people on HN
have been through a similar circumstance. If you don't like working at a
certain place and don't fit it, it's not necessarily your fault or anyone's
"fault".

Furthermore, you had the ability and confidence to leave a job you did not
like and take a job that perhaps will be a better fit. Why does it matter that
it's not in a "sexy" or "trendy" industry? Reading just the big headline
stories on HN or other tech websites will leave you a bubble where it seems
like everyone is working for an ultra-trendy hipster startup that will be "the
next big thing", when in reality many software developers work in more mundane
industries but are still very technically astute and have a fulfilling life.

If it's something you can do day after day and it doesn't bother you, in my
mind that is great. Don't compare yourself to what others want, compare
yourself to what you want.

Which leads me to my next point: Why do you believe that you are an
underachiever? Compared to what benchmark? There is nothing wrong with being
ambitious - motivation often provides the drive to succeed. But if you are
always left wanting more, then you never really get to savour the reward from
your efforts and hard work.

Take a step back and try to figure out what really fulfills you in life. Work
is often treated as a means to an end, and there's nothing wrong that.
However, some people really do relish work and for them, that is an end in an
unto itself. But if that's not what fulfills you, you shouldn't try to pigeon-
hole yourself into someone else's goals by way of comparison.

------
gretful
Being lost is pretty much normal at your age. You've only just (what, 3 years
ago?) finished college. You haven't yet experienced enough of the world to
know what you want to do for the next 10 or so years.

Take the day job, save money, travel, enjoy life, meet people. You don't have
to set such enormous expectations for yourself - you'll always end up
disappointed in what you do (like you are now).

Find something you like enough to do as a hobby, and grow it into something
more. And go easy on yourself.

------
IkmoIkmo
I'd say there's 3 things to consider

* You should be really proud of your achievements so far, an acqui-hire is no joke.

* I understand you may be afraid of starting or joining a risky startup. But what have you got to lose? At age 25, you can live a scrappy life, there's no social pressure not be a salary man anymore these days, especially in a startup scene where it's so normal. You're young and can take the risk.

* Third, the only point that really matters in my opinion, is the people you have to provide for. If there's no way around it, there's no way around it. I know what that's like and I respect that. Just make sure to check your assumtions carefully. I'd had to take care of my sick dad for a long time, but wouldn't throw away an opportunity I really believed in, as he'd hate himself if he was an obstacle, and he'd still have my mom and my bro, and I'd still be able to support him partially. Talk to those who you support, and consider if they really depend on you. Sometimes there's room to juggle both, sometimes it's possible to find an alternative caretaker.

Lastly, there's quite a few startups that are challenging and do pay decently
from the get go. Bitcoin is a fun space for example, and Bitpay and Coinbase
pay well, yet exist in a challenging and ever in-flux ecosystem.

------
brichardsfx
Minimize your expenses, encircle yourself with close friends, spend time
outside, buy a small plot of land and plant some trees, seriously, I think
most of the tech/starup scene is a forest through the trees problem. Most
"successful" people work themselves to death "preparing for life" during their
best years. You are 25 man, relax, travel, find someone with REAL problems and
put a smile on their face.

------
rpwverheij
I can only give you some advice with what has worked for me. I'm 29 now, I've
been programming something I'm very passionate about for the past 4 years,
earning just enough on the side to work on that. Last year, it took a big
conversation with my girlfriend to accept that it was time to set aside the
project for a bit and start working as a freelancer. For the first time I took
a serious attempt at making a good CV/portfolio website and reached out
through several channels to get some work. What worked in the end was to work
though consultancies (which I had a grudge against). They gave me good
connections which then gave me new work without the consultancy. I learned
what I was worth per hour (much more than I used to ask). And because I did
small jobs it was also very dynamic. The work wasnt always fun, but to develop
myself like this was very much fun! And guess what, I grew a LOT in this time,
my coding got better, mostly because I had to deal with lots of real life
demands. My toolbox grew. My confidence grew. My professionality grew. My
wallet grew. Then after bout a year I switched back to doing as little as
possible and working on my own project. It took some effort, determination and
time, because I had build up some responsibilities, and they tend to keep
going for a while, but you also don't have to cut it all. Just keep the best
:) .. right now I'm in a sweet spot of 1 day of well paid work and 4 days of
doing my own project. And if you don't know what product to build next, I
would suggest following your heart first, finding you passion, find what
drives you. Give yourself the freedom to explore that. Because that's what
will keep you going and motivated. And once you've found that... THAN it's
time to find a way to make a living with it, preferable while helping others
in the process. Good luck!

~~~
dominotw
>4 days of doing my own project

May I ask what kind of project it is?

~~~
rpwverheij
It is a framework for the semantic web. It allows on the fly setup of data
structures which you can then instantly use. It comes with pre installed
datatypes and visualisations (both 2d and 3d), but user made datatypes can
also be shared with eachother. It also comes with a reasoning engine so you
can do some AI stuff. I set out to make an interactive nonlineair book, and
figured out I need and _want_ to make this. It took a bit longer than
anticipated, but the framework is getting pretty steady now, and I can soon
make a lot more with it than just the book I made it for. Hoping to put it to
use with some test projects in the next 12 months. Will post on show HN once
something worthy comes out. Tnx for asking!

------
simonbarker87
Hunker down in the new job for a couple of years, don't fall for needless
lifestyle upgrades just because you have a salary now (Mr Money Moustache
methodology) and come back to a start up in a couple of years if you want to
with a bit of cash under your belt and a new perspective.

Good luck what ever you choose, it's likely that there are no bad choices
right now which is why you're feeling like this.

------
aniijbod
As long as you wake up in the morning with something to look forward to,
something you are going to feel good about doing in the future, you will be
able to get through anything. The whole thing about 'wasting the crucial years
of your life' applied to a time which has now passed. The Y Combinator
observation that it's getting cheaper every day to start something potentially
world-changing by making something a lot of people really want is not going to
go away, just because you're older. Yes, your energy and health may decline in
the coming years, but that could happen even if you were working on the
startup of your dreams right now. Never imagine that you're going to miss the
boat: when you're feeling ready to do another startup, that will be the right
time for you. This notion of whether you have a 'window' in your 'lifespan
years' as far as starting startups is concerned might have once been 100%
true, but if anyone tells you it's still true now, you cannot use expect the
past to be a reliable guide.

------
drblast
Life doesn't have an award ceremony at the end, so any measurement you make of
your success is pressure you're putting on yourself. Nobody else, including
your family, cares about the "great" things you could be doing.

Unless you subscribe to one of the many religions that tell you that there IS
an award ceremony after you die, you can rest assured that your presence here
has absolutely no point or goal. To some people this is extremely depressing,
but I firmly believe this and it's the most liberating thing in the world.
There is nobody I have to impress, no goal I have to meet, and no level of
success I have to achieve before I'm happy.

That's liberating because my life is more like play than work. You ever play a
pick-up game of a fun sport, where you don't keep score and you just enjoy the
competition with friends for its own sake? That is ALWAYS better than
organized competition with awards and a goal, and I've done both.

I'm not saying check out and smoke pot all day, unless that's really your
thing long term (probably isn't). But nobody gives a shit about how successful
you are but you.

    
    
      I met a traveller from an antique land
     Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
     Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
     Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
     And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
     Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
     Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
     The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
     And on the pedestal these words appear:
     'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
     Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
     Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
     Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
     The lone and level sands stretch far away."

------
bjones53
I understand this is easier said than done, but stop living in the future and
start enjoying the present. One way this can be achieved is by setting short
term realistic goals; learn a skill, volunteer, help others, meet new people,
etc.

This might sound cheesy, but fulfillment and happiness are usually achieved in
the process of working towards your goal, and are rarely found after an
accomplishment.

------
nakovet
Hi, I am 28 years old, I never started my own startup but want to, I do not
consider myself a underachiever cause there are young people making billion
dollar deals, if you live for the news/press/media you will always fell a
underachiever, the car of your dreams, the teenage singer that sold a million
albums, you got the point.

You need to reflect what's most important for you, what makes you happy, is it
money? Is it helping the other? Is it reading books? Does being happy mean
having buck loads of money? Do you feel alone? Do you feel good about yourself
being alone? Do you like the company you have? Partner, family, friends?

We live in a amazingly connected world with billions of people, so while you
are brushing your teeth there will be people practicing gymnastics, people
winning gold medals, launching new programming languages and selling million
dollars companies, it's fine, you can't keep up with everyone, don't compare
yourself, don't envy, the key is to understand what makes you happy, in a
peace state of mind.

------
Sloveni4n
1\. Startups are tough and I am afraid.

> This will never change. Conquer your fears and do it.

2\. I have a few financial responsibilities towards my family which I have to
take care of.

> Manage these as you work to own #1.

You're 25. What a great age to be! To be young enough to take risks, fail, and
get back up and begin again. In my experience, most of those who were/are
successful in their endeavors, were at the brink of financial failure and
dealing with both issues you mention, when the risks paid off quite literally
overnight. Of course startups can be absolutely huge undertakings, but the
risks and rewards involved are the reasons we go after them.

Don't miss out on a chance at your passion because you were too afraid or
intimidated. Regret sucks. There are just as many lessons (or more) in failure
as there are in success for the next project you take on. Regret has nothing
to offer but regret. It's a complete waste.

Go after what makes you happy--no matter what and never ever stop. Anything
less and you will remain unfulfilled as you mention in your opening statement.
Go get it and good luck!

------
72deluxe
You're young and sounds like you have done very well.

I think taking care of your financial responsibilities is wise and
responsible. Just keep plodding on.

Picking up another job is not an easy thing to do in this current economic
situation, so I would be pleased about this! Non-sexy and non-trendy
industries are still important. Working in farming is not very sexy or trendy
but people always need food. Just because it isn't trendy doesn't mean it
isn't important.

The difficulty is that the things we want to do are put off by the things that
we HAVE to do. We unfortunately have no control over a lot of the things that
are holding us back, but probably just need to accept that we have no control
over them and carry on anyway. If we have no control over them, there's
nothing you can do.

Try working on things on the side that do do justice to your capabilities,
even if the main thing you are doing perhaps doesn't. The main thing will
cover your financial responsibilities whilst you scheme to escape it. That
should keep things in balance.

------
rkayg
I'm 23, and I'm in the same position as you. It might be a generational
problem. [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/generation-y-
unha...](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/generation-y-
unhappy_b_3930620.html)

I also think we are tuned to focus on the future and all its glory and not
focus on the present, especially in an environment that is all about "becoming
the next big thing." So, one suggestion is to focus and be mindful of the
present because if your head is always in the future or in the past, then you
will be always unhappy. I see this present mind advice everywhere, but it is
easier said than done. I don't have nearly the success you have, and I go
through the same issues. "Why can't I start up a company and get it going? Why
am I just working at a company? Why don't I get all the cool perks like
Facebook employees? Is this going to be my life? Am I going to find someone to
settle down with?" These questions naw at my core, but I am starting to find
ways to avoid them.

One of the best ways to focus on the present is to exercise. When I mean
exercise, I mean the gasping for air at the end exercise, which I accomplish
via basketball. I only just starting realizing how truly blissful I am after a
game of basketball because all I can focus on is getting air into my lunges.
Nothing else matters at that point. My mind is forced to clear out because the
need for oxygen has taken over.

The other one is to be introspect and read about this kind of stuff. I journal
almost every day about my experiences, my emotions and that exercise helps me
be more mindful of myself. I bet just writing this HN post felt good for you!
Once in a while on HN, I will see articles posted about mindfulness and
behaving in a zen-like manner, such as
[http://zenhabits.net/toolset/](http://zenhabits.net/toolset/) and
[http://nyti.ms/1ld9lfU](http://nyti.ms/1ld9lfU). A lot of this stuff is very
nebulous, but the more you read and the more you write, the more it
solidifies.

~~~
dominotw
>It might be a generational problem.

I am 32 and I am in a similar confusion.

------
IanDrake
Can you say what exactly is not under your control? I hear that frequently,
but most times people misinterpret their feeling out of control with not
having the ability to control things in their life.

At 25 I was married, had a house, a riding mower, 3 cars, and everything felt
out of control. I had pretty much the same crisis. At that point I was making
good money, but my stuff owned me. So, I sold the stuff and started to take
control.

One year later, I was debt free and had tons of options. I could have put my
few possessions in storage and lived in Costa Rica or backpacked across
Europe. I didn't do that, but I could have, and that made a huge difference in
my mental state.

------
mattm
> I have no idea where it is going to take me in two years

No one knows the future. The best experiences of my life have been things I
hadn't even thought about a year before they happened.

> You believe that you are good at what you do and are meant for great things
> but you have to do your job even though it doesn't do justice to your
> capabilities

Spend one hour per day working on your own project idea. Maybe it will turn
into something, maybe not. But at least it will be something you own and
you'll learn a lot from it. Does it suck that progress will be slow? Yes. But
1 hour per day over the course of two years can add up to something pretty
impressive.

------
ascotan
"I don't know if this is what they call a quarter-life crisis."

This is what happens to most post-college grads. You're led to believe that
you are the smartest most capable person in the world and that _you will_ make
a difference.

Then you get a real job and and eventually come to understand how the world
really works.

I'd say:

1\. Put your family first. They are likely the only one that will not give up
on you in the long run.

2\. Pursue what you enjoy. It's a long life (hopefully) and you will do great
things _because_ you love what you do.

3\. Plan the future. You will end up _somewhere_ is 5 years. The destination
can be determined by planning.

------
bussiere
It's my point of view but why center your life around your job ? You already
have done one impressive things for your age.

My advice would be do what you please, maybe take a job and learn things
asides and live.

With such a resume you will not have problemes to find a job, why not just
live ? Travel , meet people , try to learn things and skills.

And there is two things in life , things that you control and things that you
can't control. Don't worry about the second part. Enjoy yourself and don't
forget to laugh and have fun. Life is hort.

Even i you are the best in something, you may not achieve renown because of
unluck or politic.

Find something / someone that you like and do it. An other things is that as
long people that you respect, respect you tell the others to f __* off. You
don 't have anything to prove to anyone.

Once you will realise this you will be more peaceful. Life is short enjoy , go
out your circle of confort.

I worked in a lot of menial job (doorman was the worst for some aspect, having
some drunk rich kids spent your monthly wage in one night) but you may find in
something interesting in it (for me it was networking my contacts and practice
undercover hypnotism on asshole drunk people).

Live. and don't forget to laugh :

For life is quite absurd

And death's the final word

You must always face the curtain with a bow

Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin

Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death...

(Whistle)

a-Just before you draw your terminal breath... (Whistle)

Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it

Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true

You'll see its all a show, keep 'em laughin as you go

Just remember that the last laugh is on you

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrdEMERq8MA#t=21](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrdEMERq8MA#t=21)

------
abhigupta
Sounds like you are a perfectionist in nature :) Perfectionist tend to be
rarely "happy" with their achievements and are always striving for more. It is
very hard to be fulfilled with such a mindset. I would suggest checking out
this book with some more information on being a perfectionist
[http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004BKJB6Y/ref=oh_aui_d_det...](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004BKJB6Y/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o01_?ie=UTF8&psc=1)

------
ighost
I know how you feel.

I've worked at a couple of startups, two groups at Apple, two groups at Google
and now at Twitter. I've learned two things chasing a feeling of fulfillment,
like you seem to be:

1\. You can't expect your job to give you the all of the fulfillment you need.

2\. The most fulfilling work is the kind of work that's just challenging
enough, but not too
challenging--[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_(psychology)](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flow_\(psychology\))

------
Aqueous
'Even though it was termed an acquisition, it was really an acqui-hire.'

What the hell is the difference? Someone was interested enough in your company
to buy it. This is a very superficial distinction and irrelevant.

All of these voices telling you you should be crushing it are coming from
within, and actually originate in some sort of arrogance/insecurity where you
simultaneously believe you are amazing but are also not sure of it, and the
only way to prove it to yourself for sure is to prove it to other people.

I spent my 20s with a debilitating chronic neurological illness, to the point
where I was totally unable to live up to what I originally thought my
potential to be. Even though this used to be a source of great distress for
me, I eventually learned to stop struggling. Instead of fighting it, I began
to understand that on each and every day I'm only the person I am _that day_ ,
and only have the capabilities that I have _that day_. I let myself off the
hook, and things became a lot easier as a result.

And if you think it's different for you because you don't have a neurological
disease, you're wrong. You too only have to be the most amazing person you can
be today. If you find that to be distinctly un-amazing, that's ok - you might
be different tomorrow.

Remember too there are those out there who are in a much worse position than
you are. Keep perspective. It is easy to lose sight of that in the tech bubble
where everyone is always crushing it 100% of the time. (They aren't, and you
don't have to either.)

------
reqqi_ben
You're 25 and still to young to worry about 'responsibilities', I'm 34 and
have similar feelings and my appetite for adventure and greatness may just
have to sit on the back burner for a few years if I want to settle down and
have a family.

If your family care about you then they'll know you'll pay them back at some
point.

If you've got something and feel that you're destined for greatness don't hide
it away, it'll only make you miserable.

Live the dream whilst you can.

------
darren884
I am 27 and going through the same thing, it seems no matter where I work
until I can truly setup the structure or foundation for a project I never feel
like I am working on something glorious because I think it wasn't put together
well or sloppy; I have worked at places where I believe it was put together
well so I'm not always putting down code I inherit. The way that I keep sane
is I try to stay positive by going to meetups and being with other people who
are excited about the more advanced things and have the same type of hunger
for purpose. At home I also work on personal projects and explore new things
and I would recommend that. I quit my job like you a year after the startup I
was with was acquired because they really didn't care about the tech aspect of
it and joined a new one but I am not really challenged (even thought they
needed to hire a senior software engineer) and try to lose myself in my
routine so the day goes by quick. I think what I am going to have to do for
purpose is do more open-source projects or build small apps of my own. I would
recommend that. Focus on your family too and your non-tech life, remembering
how valuable they are in helping you not think of this. There are tons of us
like you.

------
xianshou
The exact same thing happened to me - startup, acquihire, quitting the
acquirer, and joining a less sexy company, though in my case I got the bonus
of moving to Switzerland.

You mention the desire and the ability to do great things, but not having the
opportunity to follow through because of circumstances. It was the exact same
feeling that led me to leave Silicon Valley, and I struggled for a long time
with it before coming to a simple conclusion. Here's what I decided:

Greatness is a consequence, not an aim.

Have you ever read Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl? If not, read it
now. It will convince you immediately that the same is true of happiness. You
cannot simply wake up one morning, say "I want to be happy," and become happy
through the mere force of your desire. You need to be living correctly; acting
rightly; communicating and connecting well.

Likewise, naked ambition will not make you great. You have to shape that
ambition with goals and methods and plans. Only once you are fully engaged in
something you believe in will you be able to achieve the result you desire.

In other words, pursuing your will to greatness directly will only depress
you, and won't make you any more successful. The way to greatness is
developing your interests to the fullest, and working hard to gain expertise.
Eventually, you will find an opportunity that you can seize, and your success
will be a natural consequence of becoming fully engaged in the creative
process.

Until then, know that you will eventually find your castle in the sky, after
and _because_ you have built the foundations under it.

------
annythesillicat
I'm Anny. I am 25 too and I'm facing situation like yours and I am also lost.
I don't have any fancy advice but I want to share some stuff that may work
with you as it works with me.

For sure in the future I know that I will have my own business. But Right now
I'm trying to get a new job. Also I have to maintain the responsibility that I
have to support my family. It is very tough life. I was very suffered. I
recently just realised that yeah suffering demands to be suffered, we have to
experience it and never hold back, but once when we done with it we just let
it go and look for positive possibility and pursue it.

I was very miserable for past months and just recover from letting those shit
go. I choose to be thankfully happy not miserably lost. I am now having job
interview with Amazon AWS and Google. I keep positivity high but expectation
low and still keep looking for, again, positive possibility. I keep telling
myself that always believe in yourself, always look for positive possibility,
focus and pursue! Lifehacking is fun after all :)

here are some of my stories. I wrote it couple weeks ago when I was super
miserable and I didn't know what to do.

[http://fleurblanc.tumblr.com/](http://fleurblanc.tumblr.com/)

Enjoy lifehacking!

------
Mz
_What do you do when you believe that you can do great things but something
that you have no control over is holding you back? You believe that you are
good at what you do and are meant for great things but you have to do your job
even though it doesn 't do justice to your capabilities. How do you cope with
that? Seeing your future as an underachiever pains you. What do you do?_

Problem Solve. Swallow your pride and do what needs to be done. "Being Great"
is not the ego trip you think it is. You get there by doing hard things for a
long time while people act like you are crazy, stupid, etc. It isn't all about
your ego. Set your ego aside.

If you really believe you can "do great things" than start doing 'great
things." But, you know, I think you and I maybe interpret that phrase
differently. If you are actually awesome, that will eventually shine through.
But it won't be a picnic. You don't get the valor without doing the hard work
first.

So, even while you work a regular job, you can make plans for another startup
and work on pursuing financial freedom. Paying the bills now, even though it
isn't doing something sexy or trendy or ego-enhancing, is part of pursuing
financial freedom.

------
AnOldGit
You are 25 years old, you have your whole life ahead of you, you are still wet
behind the ears in terms of learning your chosen profession and in life
experience - frankly this is the bleat of a spoilt child ... "I could be great
but someone else is stopping me from being so". "I'm going to under-achieve
yah di yah".

Stop whining and grow up would be my advice. Life is about taking knocks,
getting up and getting on with it - sure ask advice but its hardly a "crisis"

Speaking from a perspective of being close to 60 years old and having worked
in IT for 38 years. considerably longer than you have been alive, my
observation is that what has truly mattered has been the people I have met,
the friendships I have made, my family and my children.

Great things ... cough ... dont come from yet another better version of
Javascript or some other re-churn or regurgitation of yet another way of
presenting mobile/web data content or whatever is fashionable.

In your context - great things are defined by adding something of fundamental
value to your chosen professional discipline or field. That comes from damn
hard work, intellectual rigour, a willingness to face and overcome obstacles,
vision and often sheer bloody-mindedness

------
sbouafif
Hi,

I'm 25 too, I've been like you and I'm starting to getting out of this
'crisis'.

Like you I lived awesome things in the last 5 years, things that I would have
never think I will accomplish.

I don't have a solution for you, but for me what's worked is reading books
(non-fiction). In a book, you will generally find a condensed version of the
life of the author and that's great. In a few hours you'll understand what he
went through, how he did this or that and what they learned from that
experience.

And that's great because at 25, your lack of experience doesn't help you make
choices.

Here is a few books I can recommend you:

\- Choose Yourself (James Altucher & Dick Costolo) - It's mostly about how to
become your own boss, but there's a few chapter that are really useful when
your a bit 'lost' or in 'crisis'

\- The Obstacle is the Way (Ryan Holiday) - Really great reading!

\- Satisfaction (Gregory Berns) - I'm in the first chapter but it's seems to
be a good book.

These books are really easy to read.

If you don't like reading, listen to James Altucher podcast
[https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/ask-
altucher/id868149214...](https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/ask-
altucher/id868149214?mt=2)

------
AndrewKemendo
_I know for a fact that I want to run my own business and attain financial
freedom but I can 't risk another startup at this moment because: 1. Startups
are tough and I am afraid 2. I have a few financial responsibilities towards
my family which I have to take care of._

I just turned 30 two weeks ago. I am married, have three children and a
mortgage. I am leaving the government in December to build my start-up
(visidraft.com) into a successful business.

The reality is, beyond a certain point your responsibilities will not shrink.
The key questions once past that point are: Is your family on board; and is
the risk probably worth the payoff? If you can answer yes to the first and
maybe/yes to the second then your mind should be eased.

Beyond that though, it sounds like you need to figure out where you want to be
and then set a path for how to get there. The fact that you had a positive in
your favor liquidation event is massive and you should not spit at that. Maybe
your path requires you slogging at a regular job for a little while, building
up a war-chest to bootstrap the next project.

Bottom line is: you need to find a place that you want to be in the future and
then determine what your vectors are to get there.

------
nm_101
Don't beat yourself up too much. Doing great stuff takes time, you learned a
sh*t load from your last company and next time you can avoid some of the
mistakes. As irritating as it is to endure - doing a mediocre job should give
you some respite, time to think and the ability save some cash.

Aim to save the maximum humanly possible (reduce spend/be frugal) to give you
potential budget or run-way for your next project. Start it while you are
employed, work on it when you are at work. Be a terrible employee while more-
or-less still looking good... but vest your time in new projects or ideas, or
exposing yourself to where you might find them (not pointless crap like most
other bad employees do).

Personally, I am in the latter stages of 'medicore job' period after a very
similar gig at a fairly similar age (few yrs older). I am hitting 70% net wage
savings rate and have one project in-hand progressing reasonably well and a
bigger/ambitious project in the works. I spend the majority of my work day
working on these projects while still delivering for my job - I really dislike
working for someone else but, as a means to an end, this is pretty cushy.

------
irrationalguy
Actually working for someone really isn't that bad.

I had my own company for about 8 years and had quite a lot of fun doing it.
The money wasn't great, but the freedom to do what I wanted was nice. Or so I
thought at the time. I probably put in 60+ hours a week. I was constantly
thinking about it. I rarely took long vacations simply because there really
wasn't anyone to answer the phone when I wasn't there.

Then I gave it up, and went to work for client of mine and now had the freedom
to actually take a couple weeks off. And to actually work on interesting
projects without worrying about my paycheck. I had a wife and a 1 year old
daughter and being able to leave the office and forget about work until
tomorrow was wonderful. And it wasn't something I was able to do at my
company.

After 13 years doing that, I've gone out on my own again. Consulting for my
old employer and picking up a couple new gigs. Its not going to make me rich,
but that's not important to me.

Anyways, enjoy the different kind of freedom of working for someone else.
Maybe you'll find you like it. Maybe you wont. But at least you'll have some
more experience under your belt.

------
samuelm
If you're still feeling stuck after all of these great answers, feel free to
hit me up over email (should be on my profile) and we can setup a time to
skype and dig into this. I've been told I'm a good listener and ask good
questions, so let's see what we can unearth about your situation. No charge
and no funny business. I've just had my own experiences with being lost and
want to help.

-Samuel

------
tsunamifury
You'll get a lot of advice on money from self-righteous spendthrifts, or
workaholic try-hards like myself projecting their own image on to you -- but
this is about you.

What makes you happy ... dig really deeply into this question by:

0) Acknowledging that you are free to do whatever you want (really!)

1) Seeking out and being around people you admire

2) Trying brand new (scary) things

3) Practicing collecting data about your state of mind and happiness, and
pursuing behaviors that improve it.

4) Acknowledging that unhappiness and happiness can exist in a healthy balance
which both motivates and rewards you.

5) Do what you want.

6) Accept that your goals and ideas about happiness will change over time and
aren't static

Right now I'm an over-working, game loving, big spender. And right now its
pretty fun because I have the confidence to love this lifestyle for what it is
-- pretty silly. Its not who I am nor who I will be forever. I've also been a
survivalist and outdoor photographer for magazines, a car-living homeless
person, a Master's student, a startup-er, and most recently a researching for
one of those big SV companies.

You'll find it. You'll do great. Don't be afraid.

------
volume
The questions I read were in the 4th paragraph where you talk about not being
in control.

There's a range of possibilities that you are more in control of things than
you think. Is it The opinions of others? Perhaps take a needed vacation to
travel. Travel alone to reflect or just not think about it. Perhaps someone is
actively trying to control you for what they think is best for you?

I believe in a 25 year old crisis. Because you still have people out there who
think they inspire you, or want to influence and guide you. Or you are legally
an adult but there's all these older folks to still see you and treat you as a
kid. Or you overcompensate for it by out-adulting the adults. Or you are self-
aware of your age and how your accomplishments overshadow those who are older
than you. You have surpassed them in some ways yet still try to find meaning
in life. I think that's what I'd call something like the quarter life crisis.

I guess no matter what age you're at, it's time that matters in how you invest
it and appreciate it. I want to control time!

------
mattyfo
You're so young, enjoy the ride.

Cultivate a rich life and identity outside of work. It's hard but what we do
doesn't have to be what defines us.

~~~
waps
Why ?

------
dreamweapon
Look at it this way: just the fact that you _know_ you're "lost" puts you way,
way, way ahead of the pack. "The pack" being, of course, all these kids
working for Google, Twitter, Uber, etc who think they're on some glorious
"path" to meaning and success just because they're doing something instantly
recognizable and buzzworthy.

------
sailfast
I think reframing the way you're thinking about this would help.

Instead of saying "I'm annoyed that I can't do these things arg" why not say
"I've made a decision to do Y because, and I'm going to make the most of
that." Next, try to evaluate whether you are succeeding in that role. Are you
learning? Growing? Maybe you're not coding as much but you're learning a crap-
ton about how NOT to do things, or about a business domain that has a bunch of
meaty problems you can solve later.

Look hard at the things you really want that make you happy (spending time
with family, creating things, etc) weigh them, and use that as a new target.

Unfortunately your conundrum is a constant struggle throughout life for those
that want to have an impact. First, breathe and relax, and know that it is
impossible to do everything all the time. Second, realize that you have a
bunch of time left, and there is no formula that determines when in life you
can have an impact or be successful. You'll be just fine.

------
6d0debc071
> How do you cope with that? Seeing your future as an underachiever pains you.
> What do you do?

For myself? I work out what I want to achieve and go work on it. There are
several problems I'm interested in at the moment: visual IDEs and complexity,
computer aided research planning, local-proxy based encryption, sousveillance
as a peer to peer service...

Do I have a job in any of these areas? Well, yeah, one. But that's besides the
point - I don't stop working on the others because I don't get paid for them,
I just tinker at home. If I lost my job on the one I'm working on at the
moment I wouldn't be in a 'The world is over, can't work on what I love.'
position, I'd just find someone else to pay me to work on something that
interests me.

I feel like you're maybe feeling lost because you want to work on great things
but don't know what those are. Might be wrong? The worry there is that great
things isn't a thing you can steer towards, it's a magnitude - and in so far
as that magnitude lines up with someone's values it's an opinion. You could
almost call the want to work on great things an expression of longing for a
goal.

So:

What interests you? What problems keep you up at night? What has hurt you in
your life? What might you like to help others with? What have you enjoyed and
would like to see more of in the world?

What are your current strengths? How well do those fit addressing the earlier
problems? What do you have to do to make them fit better?

I feel like sitting down for a few hours with a sheet of paper and answering
those sorts of questions might make you feel a bit better. Even if you can't
think how to steer A towards B immediately, you at least have a starting point
to begin looking into what you'd need then.

------
andrewdubinsky
1\. Freelance until you figure it out. Just pick up short term contracts if
you can.

2\. Spend time with family and friends.

3\. Find a way to help others. Get out of yourself for a bit.

4\. See a therapist. There's no shame in getting an emotional 'tune up'.

5\. Life is longer than you realize. And harder than you imagine. Start being
good to yourself.

6\. Remember that difficult times don't create character. They reveal it.

------
adamzerner
> What do you do when you believe that you can do great things but something
> that you have no control over is holding you back? You believe that you are
> good at what you do and are meant for great things but you have to do your
> job even though it doesn't do justice to your capabilities. How do you cope
> with that? Seeing your future as an underachiever pains you. What do you do?

It sounds like your someone with ambition. You know you're capable of great
things and wouldn't be satisfied with anything less. I'm like that too and I
thought a lot about it.

IMO, the ultimate goal is to be happy, so the natural question is how these
ambitions translate to happiness and whether you could do better by taking
another approach to happiness.

Other approaches might work for other people, but I suspect that they wouldn't
work for people with true ambitions. I suspect that people with true ambitions
are so driven and motivated to do big things that they won't really be able to
rid themselves of these thoughts. If you try to settle down into some nice
relaxing lifestyle where you should be happy, you'll always be haunted by the
thoughts that you could/should be doing something better.

Note: I'm saying "suspect" a lot because I'm only 21 and am not _too_
confident in this hypothesis.

So if you're ambitions are a core part of you, I suspect that it's best to
pursue them. And if you need to get yourself some stability in the short term,
don't worry about it. Do what you can with what you have, and think long-term.

\- - -

Also, I hate the idea that smart and ambitious people can't pursue their
ambitions because they need to pay the bills. I wrote about it here -
[https://medium.com/p/f4902d078f58](https://medium.com/p/f4902d078f58). I
think you'll be able to relate.

~~~
RogerL
May I prescribe a course in reading? Read Zola's Germinal. Read Moby Dick.
Leaves of Grass. Pride and Prejudice. King Lear. Les Miserables. Lysistrata.
The Odyssey. Anything great. We all (for reasonable values of 'all') yearn.
It's the human condition. "true ambitions" suggests a fairly naive view of the
world.

To put this in context. Almost everyone who ever lived has died of starvation,
a broken leg, an infection, or by being eaten, if they somehow made it through
childbirth and the next 3 years of helplessness. Everyone. Even today, most
people work selling shoes or insurance, or assembling things in a factory for
12 hours. As I stand here at my expensive stand up desk, outside some guy is
driving a lawn mower around with a bandana around his face to inadequately
protect him from the flying dust. I hope your mental model of all these people
is not a lack of 'true ambition'.

We all yearn. I guess you can put yourself on a pedestal and conclude that you
are different than everyone else, or recognize your brother/sisterhood, and
try to learn what life is about. You have 80 years left if you are extremely,
outrageously lucky. I'm not saying don't strive, but I am arguing for
perspective into the human condition.

We all yearn. Life is limited. The air is beautiful today, and your wife wants
some attention. Live it, instead of lamenting that you are such an incredibly
special snowflake that being at the very, very top of opportunity for humans
in the history of the world just isn't good enough for you. The people that
just died in Typhoon Halong deserved more. We all do, but we don't get it.
Take what you can, embrace the bittersweet, and live. It's all going away
soon.

I think you'll be happier that way.

To the person I am replying to: I am more riffing off the things you said,
than replying to you specifically. You may be perfectly happy. No disrespect
intended.

edit: I yearn too. I'm not dismissing the feelings of the OP, but pointing out
that it is pretty darn universal. I've found that viewpoint incredibly helpful
for my own life; perhaps the people reading will as well.

------
datasmash
You're listening to your gut! I'd say that's a pretty good start. Most people
ignore what their gut is saying while they make the "comfortable" safe choice.

I would try to shift your mindset. Nothing is permanent, nothing is forever,
and there is no perfect situation.

Try to view life as a series of choices. Right now you're choosing stability
and that's fine. When your financial situation improves, you'll be able to
make another choice.

Plus there is always bootstrapping on the side :)

Learn what you can out of your new situation and try to view it in the most
positive light. It's not your ideal situation, but ask yourself "What can I
learn from this experience?" and it will be easier to digest. A stable company
has the potential to teach you about leadership, the structure of successful
companies, how strategy scales beyond 3 people in a room, and you also have
the potential to form friendships and relationships along the way.

------
victori
I fell into a similar frame of mind a few months back.

I've been running a tech business since I was in school, it's all I've ever
known. Ten years on it's not like a startup any more, it's a daily slog and I
dislike it immensely.

Friends and family think I've done well even getting this far but all I see is
the lack of real growth for the past few years. I thought I would be a lot
further ahead than this.

So I'm now doing my best to stop feeling sorry for myself. I've started
helping my wife progress her career and it feels far better than anything I've
ever done for myself. It gives me a reason to carry on with my boring job
every day, knowing that doing so brings in enough money to give someone else
the chance to follow their dreams.

I don't think I'll ever give up on my own dreams but at least if I can help
someone else in the mean time I'll never have to say that it was all for
nothing.

------
Link-
Make 'peace' with your 'current' situation.

This does not mean 'accepting' it and 'acknowledging' that mediocrity is all
you're bound to. This means that for the time being, you will make the 'best'
of the opportunity 'at hand', you will work for a better one to present itself
while eliminating all the negativity and irritation associated with the
present.

Changing your mental state, to become a catalyst for progress instead of a
shackle, is the actual problem and the real challenge. Work on this point, the
rest is relatively clearer (side projects, another startup, better offer,
fancier pay, more exciting challenges/problems to solve etc...).

I'm in the same position, at the same age, battling the same demons. The above
is my realization after a prolonged phase of depression. 'Work with what you
have to reach what you couldn't before'.

------
joeguilmette
My mom always told me do what you love and the money will follow. Sounds trite
but I've spent the last six years going 50/50 between working as a
professional skydiver and traveling internationally. Now I am successfully
transitioning to web design so I can travel full time.

If it isn't fulfilling then don't do it.

~~~
robertwpearce00
I completely agree with this; however, there is another way to approach the
situation. I recently went through almost the exact same experience OP did and
decided to cut everything extraneous out of my life and take a remote dev job.
This has allowed me to slow life down, re-focus on the things that matter in
life and build up my bank account. THIS gives me the freedom to go and create
and build and run whatever I want if I so choose.

So, don't feel bad doing a job. Nothing is beneath you, and everything is
always a stepping stone between where you are now and where you will be later.

------
samelawrence
First off, good for you for asking for help and advice. Too many people keep
to themselves and stagnate. Learning to ask for help is something that took me
nearly a decade to understand was okay.

5 months ago, I posted something very similar here:
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7398968](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7398968)

I'm only 26, so I can't give you the wise advice that others in this community
can, but I'll say that I just stuck it out, and things got better. I was in a
job I really didn't like, I was personally unhappy, and felt very alone.

Simply as a process of time, continuing to get better at my craft, and
continuing to poke on my network, I now am in a much better place, working on
something I'm excited about with a team I really respect. I don't even like
calling it a job.

I think a lot of us are going through the same thing you are, especially
people our age when we look at the web and see all these other people our age
who are far more successful. Just remember that if you see some 26-year-old
millionaire on the front page of TechCrunch, it's because that person is an
exception, not the rule. You don't have to size yourself up against their
level of success, or even what you perceive as their happiness.

Live your life. Find and follow your path. You're always doing what's in your
heart, so listen to it. You cannot run from your own nature, so take time to
sit with it, discover it, and fall in love with your own desires. If you truly
know yourself, and can discover what you truly, deeply want to do, I think
you'll be happy. Just know that there's no timeline on when you discover it. I
still haven't found my "thing", but I'm happy because I know I'm getting
closer to it.

My email is in my profile. Please reach out if you need someone to talk to.
I'm sure there are many others (older, wiser heads) here who would offer the
same.

------
VaedaStrike
I've found that as I do what I know is my obligation to do, while still
reaching for what I feel is my dream, that things seem to almost conspire to
move me in routes that actually enhance, rather than detract from, what I
really wanted.

Keep the vision of what you want liquid. Go in a general direction. Role with
the punches and don't swing at every pitch. Try and use your distinct
perspective to give you insights that others do not have.

While the journey might take longer, or may not be as conventional, if you
stick at it my experience has been that things work for me when I stay at
things regardless of how distant or implausible they may appear at any given
point.

I'm only speaking from my own experience, but every seeming downside I've had
has, after enough time and experience, actually appeared to be a boost rather
than a drag on my long term aspirations.

------
matthewcanty
Please read: 'Thinking Fast and Slow' by Daniel Kahneman (Note: the last 1/3
of this book is quite arduous and not really related to your issues...).

'Thinking Fast and Slow' changed the way I think about everything. In fact I
need to read it again.

I like you have had perhaps two periods of feeling incredible inadequate since
I moved to London 3 years ago. The quarter-life crisis is well recognised if
you do a quick search.

One thing is certain: Money != Happiness. Last time I received a pay rise I
requested a day off every fortnight. That day I get so much done, it is
unbelievable. Just that day makes me happy. My aim is to keep reducing the
number of days I spend sitting in offices.

> I'm 25 years old and I am lost

I can easily look back and apply the same sentence to the way I've felt at
times.

Good luck!

PS email me if you would like more advice. I mull over this sort of stuff
almost indefinitely.

------
untog
Why do you want to run your own business? What are the positives you hope to
gain from doing that? I spent my mid-twenties convinced that I wanted to found
a startup and live that life, but having recently emerged in my 30s I've
realised that what I _actually_ wanted was the freedom to make my own choices
about what I work on and how. I never cared about entrepreneurship.

I left the startup world behind and my life satisfaction went through the roof
- I no longer felt guilty for not crushing it 100%, or that I hadn't sold a
successful company by the age of 24. I'm not saying this is the answer for
you, but it's never a bad thing to get some perspective. Get out of the bubble
- take a road trip around some states, maybe. Take a break from Hacker News.
You and your friends might be chasing the wrong thing.

~~~
davidroetzel
> I've realised that what I actually wanted was the freedom to make my own
> choices about what I work on and how.

What are ways to accomplish this without running your own business?

~~~
netrus
Not OP, but not every business is a startup. Freelancing or building a
consultancy might give you freedom without a 90% failure rate.

------
milesf
My advice will likely be laughed at, but I chose to follow Jesus Christ. Start
with the Book of John. I'm 45 now, and have been following him since age 20.

I have friends who are millionaires, and one who is close to a billionaire. I
don't think they are any happier than I am, and in fact my relationships are
much better than most of theirs. It's weird, but when you do finally have
tonnes in the bank, and you've had your fill of partying and the good life, it
becomes a bit tiring. Then the question becomes "now what?".

Also, what do you do with your guilt?

Once you get the meaning of life sorted, everything else makes sense. Whether
you are rich or poor, healthy or sick, or

This is, of course, just my opinion. I respect a person's right to believe
whatever they want, all I ask is they respect my right to believe whatever I
want.

~~~
sosborn
>Then the question becomes "now what?".

Well, if you are a billionaire you can pursue just about any answer to that
question. If you are poor, all you can do is hope that the answer is within
your reach.

~~~
7ru3
If you are a follower of Christ your hope is in something greater, and it is
within reach no matter if you are rich or poor.

------
amackera
Firstly, don't be ashamed of your acqui-hire - that's a hard thing to pull off
and you should be proud that you didn't fall over like 99% of all startup
companies do.

Secondly, take some time for yourself. Assuming the terms of the acquisition
were favourable, you should have a fair amount of financial freedom (at least
for a few months). Take some time to travel and see parts of the world that
are new to you. For me, travel is a very effective "reset" that helps me
examine my life and the world more holistically.

After founding a startup and working hard to see it succeed, you're probably
used to a fast-paced cadence and it's hard to relax into a less high-producing
role. Time box your relaxing so you don't feel like you're just giving up -
but give yourself some space to live.

------
Tekhne
My advice is that you read this book:

[http://www.amazon.com/Art-Happiness-Guide-Developing-
Importa...](http://www.amazon.com/Art-Happiness-Guide-Developing-Important-
ebook/dp/B000SEUSXW/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408024320&sr=1-1&keywords=happiness)

------
kfk
Part of the reason you are lost is because you have no experience. You are
trying to solve problems with startups, but the quality and profitability of
the problems you can solve at 25 is not that high. Simply because you have not
seen enough. The other part of the reason is that our (I am 28) generation has
a lot of freedom and a lot of free time too, we are having troubles dealing
with that, many just waste time/freedom on useless stuff (carrier, facebook,
TV, etc.), others “waste” it thinking of how to obtain a better future
(financial freedom, sounds a bell?). My advice is: go out, go have some fun;
meanwhile get good at whatever job you are doing and I ensure you that in a
couple of years you will have seen lots of profitable/interesting problems
worth solving.

------
raspasov
Watch this

[http://www.ted.com/talks/larry_smith_why_you_will_fail_to_ha...](http://www.ted.com/talks/larry_smith_why_you_will_fail_to_have_a_great_career)

and this

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Fl9LRgG3_A](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Fl9LRgG3_A)

------
juliend2
"I know for a fact that I want to run my own business and attain financial
freedom"

This is really cool to have that mindset. I'm also building my own business
right now while I'm working for another startup.

But are you sure that this is what you want? Why do you want this? Will it
make you happier? If so, why? So many people are on the top and yet they are
unhappy.

I _know_ I will be downvoted for this, but I can only suggest you to pray
about it. My rationale for praying is simply this:

1\. If God doesn't exist, I only lost a couple of minutes.

2\. If God does exist and what's told about him in the Bible is true, he will
hear me.

There's nothing much to lose in both case. Only a potential win. I prayed all
my life and I saw answers to them so often. I can assure you God loves you and
he really cares about your future. Ask him about it. :-)

God bless.

~~~
sosborn
>There's nothing much to lose in both case. Only a potential win.

Just like astrology and power crystals.

------
ngcazz
A guy with an acqui-hire under his belt describes himself as an underachiever
-- I don't think you realise how insulting that might be to other ambitious
people who are in much, much humbler places :)

Grab that bag of money and go travel if you can. Have a good time, you deserve
it.

------
TheMagicHorsey
Sounds like you pine for social status.

When you get older you'll see that it doesn't mean much. Once you achieve the
status you've set your eyes on today, some higher status will beckon. The
treadmill will never stop.

You can find happiness in work only if you find happiness in the work itself.
Not only because of some monetary or prestige-based result.

Prestige chasing is not a recent phenomenon, but it is certainly more common
now than it was in the past.

My father and engineers of his era entered the field for the love of making
things. Yes, it provided a solid middle class job, but their aspirations were
to work on some machine they were fascinated with, and to provide for their
families. Becoming a millionaire or billionaire was not in the realm of
possibility.

And yet they were so happy and content.

In my own generation many engineers are filled with angst. The stories of rich
engineers fills them with envy ... and sometimes drive.

Because some engineer made it, you feel your good grades mean you can make it.

But success in business is not often linked to your engineering chops. And
sometimes its not even linked to your hard work.

You need a combination of a lot of different traits.

And even with the traits you might be born in the wrong country and not make
it.

But it is no loss to not make it. Happiness is not guaranteed by commercial
success.

And many without commercial success are happier than those with commercial
success.

As one of many who turned down a Google job long before it reached its lofty
current share price, I have often had reason to question my life choices. My
former colleagues who took the Google jobs are very comfortable
(understatement). Sometimes I have pangs of regret. But they pass.

My regrets are mostly not for myself, but for my wife and family. I see missed
opportunities where I could have helped the people I love.

But I am fortunate that my family really doesn't need my help that much. My
wife is self sufficient (actually makes more than I do). My extended family
can take care of itself, even if I have to lend money every once in a while
(which hurts).

I focus on these things. I also try to do those things which make me happy--
like going to meetups that I enjoy (Go, Docker, CoreOS, Clojure, etc.),
playing video games, watching movies, hanging out with friends. When I do
these things with my rich friends, I realize our happiness is not materially
different from moment to moment.

Really our subjective wellbeing is exactly the same when we are living in the
current moment. Only if I contemplate my mistakes of the past, or the
possibilities of the future does my happiness and theirs diverge. Otherwise we
are traveling along the graph, parallel to the time axis, with two almost co-
incident lines. In times of volatility their line may even dip below my line
... deaths ... bad days with spouse ... etc. Mine may soar above theirs
sometimes ... a great meal, the birth of my nephew ... meeting a cute puppy
... giving some money to someone I know will use it well.

We will all have some ups and some downs. You are in the downs right now.

The downs happen a lot in our twenties because we don't understand at that age
that our brain is sometimes like a state machine. We have to manage the state
transitions from bad states to good states using conscious actions, applied
whenever we find ourselves in an unwanted state.

You will soon realize what you need to transition from bad mood to good mood.

For example, if I am hit with melancholy I do several things which 99% of the
time guarantee a cure. First I run or lift weights till exhaustion, and then I
eat a big meal with a friend and discuss some interesting topics. And then I
come home and give my wife a tight squeeze and sleep. In the morning usually I
will have transitioned to being upbeat again.

You will find for yourself what your transition processes are. Just try some
stuff.

Good luck.

------
ashwinaj
I think you should chill out for a while. Travel and experience other places,
people and cultures. Read meaningful books which provide you thoughtful
insight on the vagaries of life. IMO you will appreciate the smaller, more
meaningful things in life, which is actually what makes people happy rather
than materialistic endeavors (there's nothing inherently wrong in being
materialistic, it just doesn't give people long term happiness. See this:
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_psychology](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_psychology))

------
matt_morgan
I'm 46 and rode the Web revolution to a great career, working for some amazing
places, and I'm still worried about some of these things. I've done a lot of
things I'm really proud of, and I still don't feel done, so trust me, this
never goes away and maybe it doesn't even make you lost, just searching.

One approach I can suggest: in my generation if you wanted to change the world
you went into nonprofits, which is what I did. You don't have to build a
startup on one of your own ideas to make a difference. What are your causes?
What do you care about?

------
keithly
Just because your current job isn't in a sexy or trendy industry doesn't make
it bad. You can learn a lot about working with people and business even if
you're somewhere in the bowels of a large multinational corporation. I know I
have. Also, there are really excellent developers in companies like that, too,
not just in startups in the valley. Even if this job isn't for you, a couple
years in a place like that isn't very long in big scheme of things. You might
get ideas for some sort of B2B startup that you wouldn't have otherwise.

------
jlandover
Try not to focus on yourself and inward. Focus outward. There is no right
answer to "what should I do" but it is also the wrong question. Instead I
would read Viktor Frankl and ask "what does life expect from you." Maybe it
demands you work a job that you are not passionate about right now. This job
won't be forever. Maybe the world right now demands you quit your job and work
on a great idea and seize a great opportunity. Only you can answer these
questions, but make sure you are asking the right questions.

------
Havoc
I'm hearing a bit of Impostor syndrome there...sometimes just bringing this to
a conscious level can help counteract it.

I find that it also helps to remind myself that life is managed not cured.

So you're working a non startup gig for a while - there is zero shame as that.
If you've got your heart set on a startup long term then see it as a tactical
retreat whilst you gather your strength and evaluate options. Chance are it
might just help you - sometimes its better to bid your time and attack from a
position of strength than charge at the problem blindly.

------
rburhum
As you know this yourself, _all_ "startups" are not risky. _early_ stage
startups are risky. "Startups" that have reached a growth stage are not
necessarily risky (that scaling phase is about throwing gasoline in the fire).
Your compensation package, role and type of work you do at any of these
companies is on par with that of a big company. Many metropolitan areas are
filled with companies that fit this profile... why work at a crappy place when
you can get steady income from a safe place & fun place?

------
snorkel
You have more freedom than you think to do great and interesting work in the
job you have now. Just don't wait to be asked, you just invent without being
asked to invent.

You just need initiate and bootstrap the idea yourself on the side quietly,
then when ready for demo, show it to your boss and ask for some sponsorship to
keep working on it (you gotta make sure it has clear business impact for them)
Most reasonable bosses will allow for some time invested in new and
interesting ideas. If your boss always shoots it down then find a new boss.

------
spacenick34
Start learning about meditation, but like, for real. I went through the same
"mid life crisis" (I'm 23) and it helped me immensely. Especially vipassana.
I'm still a massive massive newbie but I can get a tiny tiny grasp of what
true happiness is. Startups are an amazing work environment but they're also
incredibly stressful and sometimes just shade away what's the real meaning of
life. Building startups, optimizing UI/UX, etc etc etc is NOT real life. Just
my 2 cents

------
b_emery
Some great comments here. I'll add a few favorite quotes that I think are
relevant:

On doing great things:

"It turns out that for all their diversity, the strikingly successful groups
in America today share three traits that, together, propel success. The first
is a superiority complex — a deep-seated belief in their exceptionality. The
second appears to be the opposite — insecurity, a feeling that you or what
you’ve done is not good enough. The third is impulse control.

The way to develop this package of qualities — not that it’s easy, or that
everyone would want to — is through grit. It requires turning the ability to
work hard, to persevere and to overcome adversity into a source of personal
superiority. This kind of superiority complex isn’t ethnically or religiously
exclusive. It’s the pride a person takes in his own strength of will."

On resilience:

"They use difficulty as a catalyst to deepen purpose, recommit to values,
increase discipline, respond with creativity and heighten productive paranoia
— translating fear into extensive preparation and calm, clearheaded action.
Resilience, not luck, is the signature of greatness.

... turn it into “one of the best things that ever happened,” to not let it
become a psychological prison.

The 10Xers exercise productive paranoia, combined with empirical creativity
and fanatic discipline, to create huge margins of safety. If you stay in the
game long enough, good luck tends to return, but if you get knocked out,
you’ll never have the chance to be lucky again. Luck favors the persistent,
but you can persist only if you survive."

On finding happiness:

"Forget about finding your passion. Instead, focus on finding big problems.
Putting problems at the center of our decision-making changes everything. It's
not about the self anymore. It's about what you can do and how you can be a
valuable contributor. People working on the biggest problems are compensated
in the biggest ways. I don't mean this in a strict financial sense, but in a
deeply human sense. For one, it shifts your attention from you to others and
the wider world. You stop dwelling. You become less self-absorbed. Ironically,
we become happier if we worry less about what makes us happy. "

Best of luck to you.

------
phkahler
Working at a regular company can provide you ideas for your next project. Find
out how things are done, figure out how they could be done better. Your next
startup should solve a problem for someone, why not solve a problem faced by
your employer and its peers? In fact, there's a problem right there - a
capable person like you doesn't want to work for a company like that - why?
There is a problem there. Much bigger than what I had in mind when I started
this comment.

------
jasallen
I would take 'enjoy the ride' a step further. Use the ride. If you are never
anything but a successful entrepreneur you will fail:

1) To be a good boss to anyone except the elite talent 2) To understand
how/why gears of productivity can grind to a halt as you get layers of
management beneath 3) To have a vantage point to appreciate what you achieve
later. 4) To meet _anyone_ who you can say forever was there for you when
things weren't going rockstar sexy.

------
runjake
You're only 25 years old. You have the world at your feet. Not only that, but
you're accomplishing great things.

You will have these transitions in life. They are not failures. They are the
closings and beginnings of chapters.

Before you know it, you'll be approaching the end of the book. But right now,
you're young. Take more (positive) risks. Enjoy everything, knowing you have
plenty of options. And definitely don't waste any of your youth on self-pity.

------
JSeymourATL
> How do you cope with that?

Don't underestimate the Mental Game aspect of this personal challenge. An
unusually good read on this subject, Way of the Seal by Mark Divine. Here's a
recent interview>
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_bDMEUF7F8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_bDMEUF7F8)

Mindset is crucial. And a 24-36 month game plan to pay-off debt, salt-way
cash, & plot your next move is a smart strategic play.

------
free2rhyme214
I'm your age. All you need to do is find your passion and work on it after
your day job. If you don't like your day job find another one.

Money alone doesn't bring happiness because happiness comes from within and
not from external sources.

Email me if you'd like to talk more.

You'll get all sorts of advice on HN but at the end of the day all that
matters is that you're happy and excited to work on your goals everyday while
providing for your family.

------
jdalton
Great things never came from comfort zones. If you want to reach your goal of
financial freedom you're going to have to put yourself back out there.

------
jedione
If need money, start freelancing or get a job. With a job, you can build a
small sidebiz and when you're ready to make the jump you'll have either
existing revenue from your new product or freelancing gigs.

I've been doing this for last few years. I currently have a startup that has
very little funding but I have cashflow from consulting, so it's not that
risky (can still pay the bills)

------
nerdy
Startups will always be tough and you'll probably always be afraid.

Take care of your financial situation and push on with your new startup.

It is easy to feel panicked when facing a situation you want to change, but
I'm sure if you reflect upon your life you've felt that way before and made it
through. Problems ahead can often seem insurmountable but few things in life
actually are.

------
hariis
The Universe is much bigger than you. Go with the flow. Have your ambitious
goals as an intention, but take what you are getting now with peace. In the
end, your achievement or lack of, hardly matters. Your living of your life
with peace, matters. Be attentive and opportunities that suit your intention
will knock on your door. Until then, don't sweat.

------
logn
I think you need to (1) find a significant other and (2) partake in
debauchery. I say this because you seem to be myopically focused on
business/success, and despite doing pretty well for yourself, you've derived
almost no satisfaction. Maybe you need someone to share your life with. And
maybe you need to step outside of your own thoughts. Live!

------
Immutant
It's possible to be happier with less, plain and simple. What did people
living with far less throughout human history do? I guess you think they were
just miserable, that we've reached happiness as a society through comfort
goods. I think you're just a wimpy comfort junkie with no imagination.

------
neotoy
35 here and still lost. Basically lost faith the direction civilization is
going. Currently trying a radical shift in 'career' paths; leaving tech &
entering organic gardening. Seems to be going well, but I still feel like I
have no idea what I'm doing. Good luck to us all.

------
jcromartie
If you want to be independent, try to come up with an idea for a real business
(not a funded tech startup) that you can implement with software, and spend 2
hours a night (or just a few nights a week) on it for a month. By the end of
that month you should be able to sell it to someone.

------
colemorrison
Holy crap man, this is almost the exact same boat I'm in (except I'm 26) and I
feel the exact same way.

I find my biggest problem is a lack energy / motivation to start that next
thing. I really have no clue where the fuck it came from... a few years ago I
could work endlessly...

~~~
samelawrence
You're burned out. Be very afraid of this.

If you can afford to, take a long vacation. If you can't, try to find
something that brings you joy and do that thing every single day, without
fail. Beware of burnout, it can cost you years.

------
len
diction says a lot about frame of mind. the negativity wont let you think
differently here, but its definitely possible.

one foot in front of the other. get rid of the fear, its pointless after the
first time - you have a network and a net under you.

------
oregonic
You sound somewhat anxious and depressed, feelings I know well.

It will help you to have some tools to deal with these problems. CBT and DBT
are two such tools, and can help you manage your thoughts and mood. Counselors
teach these tools.

------
knorthfield
And you'll still be lost when you're 35. Welcome to the human race. :-)

------
ARothfusz
I have a hard time believing this is a real appeal for sympathy and advice. It
sounds too much like a parody.

If it is true, then you're probably doing the right thing by quitting your
current job. You don't want to be the bad apple. As the founder of the
acquired startup, the acquiring company would have made it abundantly clear if
they wanted you to stay by providing "golden handcuffs" as part of the deal.
But since you feel so comfortable quitting just after the aqui-hire, I suspect
you were not given any such incentives. When you understand why, you'll have a
better perspective on how to make yourself and your next role more valuable to
everyone. "Make something people want" applies to people as well as products.
Maybe especially people.

------
dkfmn
mlost - There are some great responses in this thread and hopefully you're
feeling supported. The comment you made about it being a "distress call"
really grabbed my attention and if you're in the SF area I'd be happy to buy
you a coffee/beer and talk about this or whatever you want.

I've been in a similar situation and can relate to the cocktail of
hope/anxiety/despair that come with entrepreneurship and the quarter-life
crisis. If you're interested: david [at] moctopus [dot] com

------
g8gggu89
> Startups are tough and I am afraid...Seeing your future as an underachiever
> pains you. What do you do?

Complain about it until the pains of underachieving are greater than your
fear, and then take action?

------
cnlwsu
Those "boring" traditional jobs can actually pay quite well and are a lot of
fun. Give it a shot, 25 is not old age. It sounds like you have some
entitlement issues honestly.

------
london888
Think about what you were interested in, no matter how trivial it seems now,
when you were aged 7-14.

------
ChuckMcM
It might help to change the way you "score" your life. I'm suggesting that
because your comment suggests you are mentally evaluating your progress
against some internal metric and seeing failure rather than progress. Allow me
to share an example that my own daughter (Also in her 20's) went through.

She was 'failing' at getting a job, for the summer. She had made over a dozen
attempts and not a single offer. The lack of success was putting a huge damper
on her ability to motivate herself to try again. When we talked I suggested
that perhaps rather than "failing" to get a job in an attempt she "succeeded"
in learning something new. By letting the 'end goal' of getting a job go for a
minute, and concentrating on things to learn, she when from failing 12 times
to get a job to succeeding in learning 12 new things. Different spin on the
same circumstance. And before you say "But Chuck, isn't that just a mind game
you play on yourself?" The answer is no it isn't, you really are learning new
things and recognizing that is important, like the App on this site recently
called 'RememberWIN' that is the key, realizing you are making progress even
when it doesn't feel like it.

This is especially important in the 'do great things' sort of arc because
frankly it is generally impossible in normal circumstances to do something
truly great in fewer than 5 or 10 years[1] and it is generally impossible to
do great things alone. That means you have to find some folks who can be part
of it, communicate a vision and a plan to achieving that vision, and then
executing on that plan. All of that takes time.

Because of that the only productive way to 'score' your progress is by noting
successes in 'found a great web designer' person or 'sales person type' or
'engineer' or 'mathematician' what ever. Assembling the folks who you will
want to be the team will take time as well.

When I have something that it going to take a 'long' time to get done I try to
write out the history of that in reverse with options, example lets says it is
"deliver an electric vehicle", so just before that you've got the "car passed
all its manufacturing approvals and tests". Before that you've got "opened
manufacturing plant", before that you've got "designed manufacturing plant",
before that you've got "found a parcel to build the plant", before that you've
got "closed funding to buy a parcel", etc and walking back to where you are
now with just an idea and you'll have a series of milestones you can work on
between now and then.

The trick is that people see things happen when suddenly "all this stuff comes
together" but for that to happen "all this stuff" has to be converging. If you
plan for that you can understand when things are converging and when they
aren't and that helps inform where you are needed most at any given time in
the process.

[1] This arises from the fact that there are lots of smart people out there
and 'great things you can do in a year' have all been taken. Times of war and
disaster however offer accelerated schedules since there are lot of people
already motivated to do _something_ and leading them to do something great is
then possible in a shorter period of time.

------
schneby
Stop the presses. Go travel for a bit. See the world.

------
7ru3
Jesus is the way, and the truth, and the life

[http://biblehub.com/nasb/john/14.htm](http://biblehub.com/nasb/john/14.htm)

------
thincrust
Shot in the dark: Yahoo Acquisitions?

------
artur_makly
The most important thing, as I see it, is that you have connected with the
self-realization of doing great things. That is precious.

Most people don't ever wake up to this fact ( that we all have this capability
). Our culture instills fear on all fronts to undermine this. It prefers quiet
complacent followers to disciplined gadfly leaders.

But with greatness comes great sacrifice. One day you will wake up with a
vision for such an “application” of greatness which you will want to share
with the world for its betterment.

Write that shit down.

Got immediate responsibilities? Shit we all do. Get pragmatic. GrowthHack your
situation. Ideally find the right job/culture that either has a great
collection of people you can learn from or projects which can hone those
skills you will need to leverage later for your vision.

Your vision can be nurtured as a seed within the largest corporate office
parks. While you are plugging away at your daily grind, take time every day to
learn what parts of your corp experience can be leveraged into your newfound
vision. Perhaps it’s a product growth process or some efficient OOP
architecture..whatever..put it in the toolbox.

Test the vision. Network. Make crazy connections. Have conversations with your
colleagues about your (hypothetical) idea. You will notice they would much
rather small talk brainstorm about that than actually work. Take notes.

Life is not linear. Its not perfect. But your vision and passion is infinite.
Keep beating the drum. It will get you through the tough times.

(Watch :
[http://www.ted.com/talks/larry_smith_why_you_will_fail_to_ha...](http://www.ted.com/talks/larry_smith_why_you_will_fail_to_have_a_great_career))

Personally.. I deal with this everyday. Im about to turn 40! I should be an
internet retirement home in Florida by now.

I grew up in NYC and rode the internet bubble..always working for various
agencies and a few startups. One day I said fuck it..I'm tired of the rat race
and want to craft my own perfect SaaS.

I was 32, a bit frightened, used to my expensive NYC lifestyle, had crazy
ccard debt and was still paying off grad-school loans.

But I didn't want to live with the 'what if'.

How could I pull off the 6-month runway i needed to create my perfection? I
moved to Argentina - where I found my dollar had 3x the buying power - and was
able to stay in the same time zone with my existing clients in NYC. (most
didn't even knew I left )

>> Fast fwd 8 yrs later.. I’m on my 3rd startup. But now I have a co-founder
wife and 2yr old that keep my ass in check.

Everyday is brutal.. it’s slow going ( since we are bootstrapped and split
time between consulting) and on the toughest days I do think about just
ejecting and going back to a cushy golden-handcuff job..especially now that my
family needs stability...and I dream of a good night's sleep.

But then there are those days when I'm user-testing..and get to watch people
come to life with the dormant creativity which our platform has re-awakened
deep inside. Or when a random VC calls to say "I really love what you are
doing..let's keep in touch".. That’s when it’s all worth it.

It’s when you are faced with death at your throat - and have your family in
your corner - that greatness truly has a chance to blossom.

I have a few more rounds left in me. But regardless I will never have regrets;
instead I’ve got one hell of a story, family, and mvp to be proud of.

So do your good work quietly, laugh everyday… water your seeds....and one day
they will sprout, young man.

------
artur_makly
The most important thing, as I see it, is that you have connected with the
self-realization of doing great things. That is precious.

Most people don't ever wake up to this fact ( that we all have this capability
). Our culture instills fear on all fronts to undermine this. It prefers quiet
complacent followers to sacrificial gadfly leaders.

But with greatness comes great sacrifice. One day you will wake up with a
vision for such an “application” of greatness which you will want to share
with the world for its betterment.

Write that shit down.

Got immediate responsibilities? Shit we all do. Get pragmatic. GrowthHack your
situation. Ideally find the right job/culture that either has a great
collection of people you can learn from or projects which can hone those
skills you will need to leverage later for your vision.

Your vision can be nurtured as a seed within the largest corporate office
parks. While you are plugging away at your daily grind, take time every day to
learn what parts of your corp experience can be leveraged into your newfound
vision. Perhaps it’s a product growth process or some efficient OOP
architecture..whatever..put it in the toolbox.

Test the vision. Network. Make crazy connections. Have conversations with your
colleagues about your (hypothetical) idea. You will notice they would much
rather small talk brainstorm about that than actually work. Take notes.

Life is not linear. Its not perfect. But your vision and passion is infinite.
Keep beating the drum. It will get you through the tough times.

(Watch :
[http://www.ted.com/talks/larry_smith_why_you_will_fail_to_ha...](http://www.ted.com/talks/larry_smith_why_you_will_fail_to_have_a_great_career))

Personally.. I deal with this everyday. Im about to turn 40! I should be an
internet retirement home in Florida by now.

I grew up in NYC and rode the internet bubble..always working for various
agencies and a few startups. One day I said fuck it..I'm tired of the rat race
and want to craft my own perfect SaaS.

I was 32, a bit frightened, used to my expensive NYC lifestyle, had crazy
ccard debt and was still paying off grad-school loans.

But I didn't want to live with the 'what if'.

How could I pull off the 6-month runway i needed to create my perfection? I
moved to Argentina - where I found my dollar had 3x the buying power - and was
able to stay in the same time zone with my existing clients in NYC. (most
didn't even knew I left )

>> Fast fwd 8 yrs later.. I’m on my 3rd startup. But now I have a co-founder
wife and 2yr old that keep my ass in check.

Everyday is brutal.. it’s slow going ( since we are bootstrapped and split
time between consulting) and on the toughest days I do think about just
ejecting and going back to a cushy golden-handcuff job..especially now that my
family needs stability...and I dream of a good night's sleep.

But then there are those days when I'm user-testing..and get to watch people
come to life with the dormant creativity which our platform has re-awakened
deep inside. Or when a random VC calls to say "I really love what you are
doing..let's keep in touch".. That’s when it’s all worth it.

It’s when you are faced with death at your throat - and have your family in
your corner - that greatness truly has a chance to blossom.

I have a few more rounds left in me. But regardless I will never have regrets;
instead I’ve got one hell of a story, family, and mvp to be proud of.

So do your good work quietly, laugh everyday… water your seeds.... and one day
they will sprout, young man.

------
GuySake
Cool

------
ebbv
First, you need to get over the popular idea that the only way to do something
great is to create a start up which gets bought for millions of dollars.
That's really flashy and everybody likes having millions of dollars, but
there's plenty of other ways to do great, important things.

It sounds like you're not excited about your new job. I understand that you
took it anyway because you have financial obligations to your family, and
that's great. But the solution is obvious; look for another job and/or do
something you ARE excited about in your spare time.

It's up to you if you don't actively dislike the job you're taking, it just
doesn't excite you, then maybe doing that full time and working on something
exciting in your spare time is the way to go.

If you find your new job miserable, then look for a new one.

------
michaelochurch
_When people congratulate me on that, I know in my heart that it 's not true
and it doesn't really make me happy._

It won't (make you happy, that is). Acqui-hires usually end badly, but they're
good for your career because you've joined Those Who Have Completed An Exit.
This industry tends to overemphasize past results (which are 90+ percent
noise) because the people in power have no ability whatsoever to judge talent.
Be thankful that you're on the winning side of that error source. After two
years and some distance, you'll probably be at peace with how this has played
out. You have something most people don't. You can say that you were acquired.
Most people have to lie to cover up shortfalls in their 20s; you can actually
tell the truth about your career.

 _Thus, I have picked up another job which I 'll join in a few weeks. It is
not in a very 'sexy' or 'trendy' industry and I have no idea where it is going
to take me in two years._

Sexy/trendy is overrated. Those VC darlings are good at marketing themselves
to broken people (such as midlife-crisis chicken-hawk VCs who want to be
"cool" because, when young, they never were) but those companies often have
broken cultures and harbor a lot of terrible personalities.

On the other hand, there are companies in "boring" businesses that have great
cultures and, under the hood, are actually doing fascinating work. Personally,
I'd rather do machine learning for a retail company or a bank than repetitive
grunt work at a "sexy" startup.

Macroscopic sexiness doesn't matter unless you're an owner, and it sounds like
you're not ready for that stress, and that's fine. Just do the work, save
money, cut away time to learn the things you'll need to know for your next
gig-- even venture into "resume-driven development"\-- and get an education on
someone else's time and risk.

 _You believe that you are good at what you do and are meant for great things
but you have to do your job even though it doesn 't do justice to your
capabilities. How do you cope with that? Seeing your future as an
underachiever pains you. What do you do?_

Organizations tend to be talent graveyards. This is the norm. Want to change
it? Possibly beat it? Get political. Learn about how organizations work (read
Venkat Rao's Gervais series, then mine). Learn about different professional
and union structures. Start writing. Advocate. Work within the system while
undermining it (but never undermine the company that pays you; be more
indirect and lash out at corporatism _in general_ while leaving the activism
and your day job separate; rabble-rousing _at_ your day job is a bad idea).
Figure out what it will take to drive out the MBA-culture invaders and get
technologists the upper hand again, and then go and do it.

99.9% of us have our talents wasted by an anti-intellectual, status-driven
corporate system. You're not alone. So figure out how it works and how to beat
it, and recognize that the final outcome involves millions of people and is
out of your control, so just learn to enjoy the fight itself.

------
halfcat
>What do you do when you believe that you can do great things but something
that you have no control over is holding you back?

Usually after this realization, most people turn 19. Sorry, but you are not
unique in your belief that you have the ability to do great things. Every
young boy thinks this (I was never a young girl so I can't speak to that). To
be honest, this comes across (to me) as privileged only-child whining, a trait
probably absent from most who accomplish great things.

As for family, you have to decide on your priorities. I think family is a
worthy priority, and I also accept that realistically, because I make family a
priority, that I will very likely never "do great things", outside of
affecting a handful of close friends and family.

Here's another reality check you have coming. After the age of 25, very slowly
at first, your energy level will decline. By 30 you will notice it and it will
affect you. By 35-40 you will willfully admit that your days of pursuing great
things are over. Sure, there are a handful of overachievers who run their
first marathon at 40 or whatever, but to this point you definitely do not
strike me as the "conquer and overcome no matter what" type.

TL;DR: My advice: life is hard, grow up

