

Ask HN: anyone's partner left them from years of failed entrepreneurship? - hoodoof


======
chris_dcosta
I speak partly from family experience, unless your partner really understands
the subtleties of risk, it's a hard convince that person that you are not
gambling or just lazy.

Gambling because that's unfortuantely a similar enough activity in more ways
than we'd like to admit: jacking everything in for the hope of getting a
successful startup, and doing it time and again, is like going to the casino
to the outsider. The real difference which most people fail to see is that
gambling is not skills based. It's luck based, ie everything you learn in
entrepreneurship is valid next time round. In gambling the odds never change
no matter how many times you play.

Lazy, or as it was once said to me - "you ought to go and get a proper job" is
still a very strong viewpoint for outsiders.

A partner leaving you and giving failure as an excuse is not and never was a
_partner_.

~~~
hoodoof
It understandable though that years of financial pressure can take a toll on a
partner.

Even worse, consider the case where your personal finances would have been
great if the money had not all gone in to the business - hard for a partner
not to feel resentful about not having a house, but instead having 100,000
lines of code that no one wants.

~~~
chris_dcosta
I fully understand this, as it is hapenning to me. I tried looking at it from
the partner's perspective:

At the outset when optimism was high, the mind can work in wonderful ways to
spend all that cash. But it can take _a very long time_ to realise. Maybe not
even in this project.

I always end up questioning the motivation of the partner. Cash, a house,
holidays, clothes... this is all very well, except it ignores the elemnt of
risk that lies at the heart of any venture. That risk at the end of the day
has to be shared by a partner. It is what it is love me, love my dog.

If the partner was not prepared to share the risk ( and not have all those
fancy things when it didn't happen _at this point in time_ ) then this is
tantamount to misleading me (you) over a time.

I don't know if you can agree with this, of course being in the centre it's
hard often to rationalise.

------
debacle
At first I thought you were talking about a business partner, but after the
comments I'm not so sure.

If you're talking about marriage or something of a similar flavor, no but it
came very close several times. It can be very frustrating for someone on the
other side of the equation to take the answer "I don't know." to so many
questions for so long. Some people abhor that reality, and while I am not one
of them, I can understand where they're coming from, especially if there are
other aspects of the equation (a mortgage, children, a mountain of outstanding
debt).

If you're talking about business partner, I would say certainly. My most
recent venture folded up because within four months my (business) partner got
engaged, started putting in about 1/2 of the hours needed to get the job done,
and the abruptly moved two hours away. He's since found a day job and I'm
ready to move on to something different. Sometimes, no matter how long you
know someone, they change.

~~~
hoodoof
I was talking life partner rather than business partner but I can imagine
business partners having enough after a while too.

------
jordhy
This happened to me a couple of times before I had a solid business
infrastructure. After you have an office, employees, etc., your life partner
becomes more understanding. I think they need validation on your seriousness,
the vision of your business and your track record.

However, if you lose large amounts of money (unexpected severance payments,
macro-economy, loss of contracts, etc) then things can get really complicated.
Sometimes even your relatives expect to benefit from the business - if you
shoot for and get high profile press you should expect this.

Don't despair. At the end, you'll end up with a stronger social network: the
people that really matter are going to stick. To ensure they do, be open,
communicate and involve them in the process (this is key).

Alternatively, to avoid bumpy financial roads, just diversify your
investments:

\- Put a fraction the money of an exit or the final payment of a major
contract in the bank and never touch it

\- Invest in real estate so you have a stable income source no matter what

\- Assume (like Bill Gates famously did many times) that no client is going to
pay for your software and plan for the worst case scenario

\- Never go all-in. In anything!

\- Get a part time job/ a speak at conferences/ etc

\- And, finally, engage with someone who is very stable or also an
entrepreneur (which incidentally works like a charm)

Hope this helps.

------
dwshorowitz
I believe it was Eric Ries who once said; "Entrepreneurship is synonymous with
failure." Try to learn as much as you can from this experience. Stay hungry,
entrepreneurship is in your blood. If need be, take a step back and re-focus.
No one ever said it was going to be easy.

Good luck bud!

P.S. What you've experienced is certainly a fear of mine. How you handle this
adversity will say a lot about the person you are.

------
kolinko
fortunately - the opposite. the hard times have made our relationship
stronger. but we've had a couple of close calls...

------
thiagofm
Had a bunch of them that left in 1 month not doing anything :D

------
AznHisoka
I never had a partner in the first place =(

