

Why I Silence Calls Even When I'm Free - bglenn09
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/06/magazine/why-i-silence-your-call-even-when-im-free.html?src=rechp

======
aaronbrethorst
"This is [because] I am always on offense and never defense."

[http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/my-phone/2013/03/dave-
mori...](http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/my-phone/2013/03/dave-morin-path-
facebook-apple)

~~~
autotravis
“I have two iPhones, one for day and one for the night. When the day phone
runs out, the night phone takes over. I never have to worry.”

talk about wasteful...

~~~
bcoates
At launch, an unsubsidized 32GB iPhone 4 cost $599, let's be pessimistic and
say you get two years of use out of it and are unable to sell it for anything,
that's $25/month. Not exactly an extravagant business expense.

~~~
autotravis
Yeah, because this guy will sit by and use an iphone for two years while
watching the new versions come out...

------
alan_cx
Hmmmmm. A rant....

This might be culture, or just the people I know, but...

There seems to be an expectation that I'm supposed to respond immediately to
any call or text, and if I don't, some how I'm an arse. I have a mobile, there
for apparently I'm never possibly parted form it, have the instant ability to
stop anything I might already be doing, and its damn rude not to answer with
in 3 rings, or reply to a text the second I receive it.

As such, I have come to view my mobile as some sort of pocket Nazi, who
insists I will do as told.

Well, no.

I didn't get a mobile phone so that others can dictate my life and it's
schedule. So, no, I don't immediately pick up ever call or immediately respond
to texts. I do so as and then I see fit. Obviously Im selective about it based
on context, but there is no way Im going to allow that little pocket Nazi rule
my life.

It really gets to me how I might be in the middle of something with another
person, and any time their phone rings, what ever we are doing must be paused
so they can take the call or respond to a text. Its like the phone has a
priority over an actual person one might be with. Its just plain rude. I see
it all over the place, and it appalls me.

Ahhhhhhhhhh HN therapy. :)

~~~
hackula1
Get new friends and/or coworkers. Seriously, reasonable people do not expect
an immediate response.

------
read
_the new rules of engagement: Call only if truly necessary. Text first._

These new rules of engagement are also old rules of engagement. In older times
people called only if truly necessary. They hand-wrote letters otherwise.

I wish people started writing letters again. There could be a startup idea
waiting to be discovered around this.

~~~
johncagula
email?

------
yoyar
I have unplugged my work phone. No one has noticed or mentioned it. Most
messages are emails and texts on my cell. I don't answer the cell unless I
know who is calling.

------
LordHumungous
I always pick up because I'm excited that someone wants to talk to me.

~~~
MartinCron
I remember feeling like that. Sigh.

------
ngoel36
It's funny, I'm often exactly the opposite. Sometimes I'll just call people
up...without warning, without scheduling. It'll catch them off guard at first,
but I find it hands-down more efficient. Often times five minutes on the phone
can garner a resolution easier than eight hours on an email chain (only to end
up scheduling a call for the next day).

I really wish that people were more open to this; it's strange because it's
how most of the world operated 10 years ago, but the thought of just calling
someone up is almost ludicrous now...

~~~
LogicX
Wish they understood that in the USA South. Just recently moved here.. In the
north, yes -- people understood not to call. I get so annoyed as everyone
calls me for the most silly reasons in the south! NEVER is there a text first.

~~~
ngoel36
I'm from Alabama...this might explain it :)

------
mmahemoff
"And yet, I watched the call come in without touching my phone."

Pro tip: Hit the volume rocker to mute the ringer without cancelling the call.
Works on at least iOS and most Androids.

~~~
keyle
The top button on iphone will mute the ringing and let it "ring out" as if
you're away.

I feel sneaky using it as opposed to declining the call, but Italy's best rule
for warfare as always been "the best defense is to not be there".

~~~
mmahemoff
It can be sneaky or considerate, depends when you use it. The problem with the
abrupt "hanging up" button is it's binary like a car horn - there's no way to
do it nicely. If you're in a meeting where you can't take the call, it's a
gentle way to let the caller down.

~~~
bradleyland
I think you're confused about the function of the sleep button on the iPhone.
When an iPhone is ringing, pressing the sleep button one time silences the
ringing and vibration, but does not "hang up" the call. Pressing again,
however, will "hang up" the call.

~~~
ra88it
No, he agrees with you. He thinks pretending like it rang and rang without you
noticing it could be considered a considerate gesture under certain
circumstances.

------
sergiotapia
This kind of sickens me, who treats their family like that?

~~~
RDeckard
She's a horrible excuse for a relative. Yea, I get the point that "nobody
picks up the phone these days", but it was her own sister calling.

~~~
FireBeyond
You forgot “and then wasn’t even bothered to listen to the voicemail”.

Why would you even want to talk to her, with that monumental level of disdain?

------
adamconroy
It is only proper that I refuse to read the article.

------
a3voices
I have a habit of doing this too, actually. Talking on the phone just feels
too much like work.

~~~
RDeckard
Even when a relative calls?

~~~
a3voices
When my mom calls, I always pick up. :)

------
hawkharris
We should all turn off our phones until a Bruce Springsteen song makes us
burst out crying:
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbYScltf1c](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbYScltf1c)

I'm joking, of course, but Louis makes some insightful points that go along
with the author's argument.

------
john_w_t_b
I think this is a side effect of the Internet. Smartphones give you unlimited
information at your fingertips. With all the distractions online, it's easy to
become detached from your friends and family. I have the same problem.

~~~
WalterSear
It's a side effect of being an inconsiderate person.

------
Zecc
> Last Download: Mailbox.

> “I use [it] to keep things at ‘inbox zero.’

Well, only 129 to go.

------
wordplay
I think this is more about the control you lose with a phone conversation vs.
a text conversation.

------
TruthElixirX
Sounds like a developing anxiety complex. I know three people who started out
like this and justified it in different ways, then going straight to no
pretense, just hating the phone, then eventually a full blown anxiety
disorder.

This was the first of a few symptoms.

