
The Lark-Owl Scale: When Couples’ Sleep Patterns Diverge - daegloe
http://nytimes.com/2016/01/10/fashion/sleep-marriage-couples.html?_r=0
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Spooky23
My wife and I are like this. When we first met, she called me at 5:30AM to see
what was up. My question was "Who died?"

She's a 9p-5a kind of gal. Left to my own devices, I'd sleep 1a-8:30a.

It has been an object of contention to us over the years, but we work it out.
Having our son and adjusting to the sleep deprivation afterward helped.

~~~
randycupertino
This is an object of contention between my current ladyfriend and I. How did
you guys work it out? She likes to go to bed by 10pm and I am a stay up and
code till 2am kinda guy. She comes and yells at me about it.

~~~
Swizec
My girlfriend goes to bed at 10pm and I go to bed at 2:30+ am.

But I do the dishes before coming to bed.

So far it's been working pretty well. I get my alone time when I'm up late,
she gets her alone time before she falls asleep. We both need our alone time,
might as well get it when the schedules don't match up.

~~~
randycupertino
Interesting. She doesn't kvetch about having to go to bed alone? Because mine
does! Do you guys wake up at the same time? My lady likes to get up at 7am and
go running, then she comes back and cooks both of us breakfast, so that is one
perk of her going to bed first I guess.

~~~
Swizec
> She doesn't kvetch about having to go to bed alone? Because mine does!

I try to make sure to "put her to bed" where she then spends the next hour or
two on her phone. The hard part is getting back out of bed if I'm tired, but
I'm usually not tired that early.

> Do you guys wake up at the same time?

Nope. She has to get up at 8 so she can be at work by 9. I have to get up by
9:45 so I can be at work by 10.

The core of our day-to-day interaction happens in the evening between the time
I come back from the gym and her bedtime. And we also have Saturdays where the
whole day is reserved for being spent together.

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zzalpha
Odd the article didn't touch on an obvious problem with differing sleep
patterns among couples: sexual activity.

Going to bed after your partner is asleep makes it a lot tougher to initiate
since it involves waking that person up.

The alternative is to initiate during other parts of the day but that may not
be possible for many reasons (children being the most obvious).

~~~
ty56
You missed the 'connect' euphemism

"She advises couples who sleep at different times to make sure they find other
times to connect, whether it’s the morning, the half-hour before the first
partner goes to sleep, or even the weekend."

~~~
visakanv
Oh wow... have I been foolishly turning down sex whenever I block "let's
connect" messages on LinkedIn? Damnit!

~~~
gaius
Apparently lots of people on Linkedin get confused about that too
[http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/604502/LinkedIn-sexism-
row-...](http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/604502/LinkedIn-sexism-row-lawyer-
leers-at-men-lawyer-calls-daughter-hot)

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afarrell
For this and other reasons, it is usually a good idea to have a separate set
of blankets from your partner to avoid interrupting their sleep.

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mgkimsal
The article didn't even touch on sleeping in separate beds or rooms, which,
from my experience, seems to be a growing trend.

~~~
zzalpha
Growing trend according to whom?

~~~
mgkimsal
"from my experience" \- people in my circles, mainly, but it's a topic I see
in popnews areas more than I used to.

[http://www.today.com/health/happily-united-separate-rooms-
wh...](http://www.today.com/health/happily-united-separate-rooms-why-my-
husband-i-sleep-apart-1D80287458)

[http://www.builddirect.com/blog/why-more-couples-are-
sleepin...](http://www.builddirect.com/blog/why-more-couples-are-sleeping-in-
separate-beds/)

[http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/09/12/lw.sleep.alone...](http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/09/12/lw.sleep.alone.when.married/)

From that link: The preference for separate spaces has even begun to affect
home design. According to the National Association of Home Builders, there's
been a steady increase in the number of requests for "two-master bedroom"
homes since 1990, prompting the organization to predict that by 2015, 60
percent of all custom upscale homes will be built with two "owner suites."

It's now 2016, and I don't suspect 60% are being built that way, but a realtor
I spoke with last year says it's a topic that comes up with some of her home
buyers, although it's never been a dealbreaker. Granted, that article was from
2008, and we had a major recession in there, which may have reaffected
architectural planning.

