

Autistic and Searching for a Home - evilsimon
http://blog.longreads.com/2014/12/24/autistic-and-searching-for-a-home/

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jimmywanger
At some point, wouldn't you need to cut your losses?

~~~
spdustin
Not sure who you're suggesting should cut their losses.

Joy? In spite of the lack of legal status, she's more of a parent than many
"parents" I know. It's a pity that she can't fight harder to get
conservatorship of Savannah. Once Savannah is part of a family, with a
financially responsible "guardian", she would qualify for more assistance, in
both Canada and the US.

But, cut her losses? She's a parent, unequivocally devoted to her children.
It's an idealized position for some to consider, sure, but there really are
people who believe their job as parents -- a job that doesn't require having
donated DNA to their child -- is to do everything in their power to make their
kids' lives better than their own. That kind of parent doesn't "cut their
losses" because their actions in support of their children aren't evaluated as
a loss or a gain. It's simply what a parent does.

And on a personal note, it's remarkable how deeply an autistic child can
ensnare your ambition, to imprint upon you the unstoppable motivation to help
them succeed in a world where "difficult" citizens are just uncomfortably
ignored, languishing in a system that won't get emotionally involved in their
welfare. I'm lucky in that my son has tremendous capability for language, and
is savant-like in his math and science skills. But he also breaks down when
the shower curtain in the bathroom he shares with his sister is unexpectedly
swapped out for a new one. He runs when someone tells him "happy birthday" on
his birthday, desperate to escape, panicked beyond rational understanding. I
do a lot for him, and he does a lot for me, and I guarantee that neither of us
will ever try to assign loss or gain tallies to our interactions and decisions
and celebrations and sacrifices.

Sometimes, there are no losses to cut. Sometimes -- all the time for some of
us -- everything we do is somehow in service to our children.

Joy, in the original article linked, is a parent greater than most, and needs
to be given conservatorship of Savannah. She could have no better advocate.

~~~
jimmywanger
I'm more speaking of society. In the article, it mentions that it costs 81k a
year plus doctors' fees to keep somebody in the institution she's in.

With that money, can't we do something that benefits society more?

~~~
spdustin
Yes. We could have staff - in agencies and institutions like those in the
original article - to ensure that the people they are meant to serve aren't
being caught in a loop and ignored.

We could listen to those who are sincere in their desire to help (like Joy)
and empower government staff to advocate for these selfless citizens, at least
enough to make a sound that rises above the noise floor.

(This one more US-focused) We could stop educating kids in school about
abstinence as a primary means of birth control, stop the singular focus on
safe sex for those districts that have moved beyond abstinence (though
certainly include safe sex curriculum), and spend considerable time helping
kids/teens to see what being a parent means. Because they're only getting it
from Seth Rogan movies and FaceBook status updates, and both of those are
woefully out of touch with reality. Then, we'd have more people truly prepared
to be a parent, even when it's hard.

~~~
jimmywanger
You're changing the subject.

When do we give up on a person? All the things that you mentioned are good,
and should be prioritized.

At what point does Shannon's drag on society need to be deprioritized to give
funding to other social efforts?

Do we, as a society, have a responsibility to spend 91k+ doctors' fees to
anybody with disabilities?

Rather, when should public fund no longer be allocated to these situations? If
her parents were able to support her, there would be no problems. Why are they
crying out for more public assistance?

