
Ask HN: Have any of you moved back home to save money? - throw51319
I still have my job, but I was thinking of not renewing my lease in NYC and just going back home to the parents to work remote in the fall&#x2F;winter and save a TON of money. Kinda lame because I&#x27;m 28 but who cares, since a lockdown will stop most of the &quot;fun&quot; stuff anyway. Would rather run and bike every day.<p>Anybody else doing the same?
======
georgewsinger
I had to move from NYC to Oklahoma to save SimulaVR
([https://github.com/SimulaVR/Simula](https://github.com/SimulaVR/Simula)).
This was over a year ago, and I'm still here. Because of this I have saved an
_enormous_ amount of money (such that I'm still able to work full time on
SimulaVR while I search for VC funding elsewhere). The other co-founder of
Simula is also remote (in Germany). Since this was pre-pandemic, it's been
very hard to explain to VCs who are still pattern matching on previous waves
of startups.

With that said, there has also been an _enormous_ cost to this: living
somewhere besides a major city. Yes, it's true that SF/NY have _horrific_
governance, regulatory policies, taxes, and so forth (which cause high rents).
The groupthink there is also unbearable. Other than these issues, however,
these cities are _indisputably_ better in every way than anywhere else in the
country. People work much harder (and on cooler projects) in these cities.
There's an extravagance to them that you simply can't find anywhere else, and
if you're not careful, living elsewhere can eat at you subconsciously. Reading
(or listening) to books of people doing great things is a good way to combat
this: your brain can't ever think that things are easy now that you're living
in an easy city. You're still competing against the same odds (and in some
cases: the same people) who are grinding 100 hours/week back in NYC/SF.

As long as you account for this, moving elsewhere can be a great tool to save
an enormous amount of money.

~~~
rubyn00bie
Just wanted to touch on some of what you said, as I took a year to recoup from
burnout in a fairly small-sized town...

Saving money, and having "time" are great, but at least for me the people in
small towns live very different lives. The pace is slow and it's easy to
become complacent. Compounding that is by not following the pace of life
there, you're going against the grain and it will cause friction in your life.

Also, if you grew up in small towns, but haven't really been back in a while a
lot of them are pretty depressing these days because of things like Amazon...
Where I was most, if not all independent retailers/bookstores/etc had gone out
of business. In fact, there wasn't a single book store for 90 miles despite
roughly 200,000+ people living in the area. Want a tech talk? Probably not
unless you're a real estate agent setting up a Wordpress ;P

If anyone is thinking about taking the jump and moving back home, or somewhere
cheaper, my one suggestion is put a hard time-limit on it "1 year." It helped
keep me sane having a deadline. Glad I took the time away, but even more glad
I came the fuck back.

~~~
vladvasiliu
I get what both you and GP are saying, but isn't there some middle ground?

I was thinking of something along the same lines and was fearing pretty much
the points you have raised.

However, I'm currently living in Paris, France. So in this particular
situation, instead of moving to some small town in the middle of nowhere, I
could move to some town in the suburbs. That would be far enough for it to be
much quieter and calmer than Paris, also much cheaper, especially since I ride
a motorcycle so I wouldn't have to be close to public transportation. But it
would still be close enough to Paris for it to be practical to attend
conferences / cultural events / whatever without spending a day on the road.

Don't arrangements like this exist in the US? Say some town 100 km or so from
NY / SF that would make a terribly daily commute but would be bearable once in
a while when you need to meet people / go to events?

~~~
rubyn00bie
I've been trying to find a middle ground myself, but haven't yet... I dare to
dream. At least in the US, 100km doesn't generally get you a ton of meaningful
savings from urban areas especially like SF or NY where their suburbs/sprawl
extends for probably twice that range. Where it really gets me is on those
days where you somehow just work late and lose track of time, it's 11:00 p.m.
and there's literally nothing open not even a grocery store. Or you need
something, but it's over three hours of driving one-way or a week via an
online retailer (prime, for example, is only two days in dense urban areas).

I also live in a pretty progressive bubble here in the states that makes me
particular hard to re-home somewhere. I won't live places where my tax dollars
fund unfettered fuckery (like that going on in Arizona, Texas, Florida, etc).

I've been thinking maybe there are some small/mid-sized cities with somewhat
busy regional airports so cheap flights in/out are possible. Long drives just
wear one down after a while and start to change how one behaves, it's weird
and subtle. Flights are almost always easier/faster than driving and give you
some time back since you can, if you want to, do something on the plane.

Maybe other folks don't feel it as much, but all those subtle things that slow
you down really add up over time. With covid altering our lives for the
foreseeable future, perhaps isolation seems more reasonable or acceptable now
(making it easier to just focus)... I'd say give it a try, and if you figure
out a good process for it, please let me know :)

------
danans
Something that the pandemic and the associated housing churn offers to young
and childless city dwellers is the opportunity to move somewhere they can find
a sense of community, which for many is something that is lacking in their
lives as evidenced by the long HN threads on the very real subject of
alienation felt by young workers in physically anonymous environments.

They might find this back in the small town they came from, or it might be
just in another neighborhood of the same city that has more of a sense of
community. It's not unusual for large impact events like this to cause people
to consider switching to different style of life - and matching setting - that
involves getting more connected with the people who live around them, or
moving to a place more amenable to that.

I've already seen several examples of this happening on a local level, so I
figure it's a real sub-trend among the many sudden human movement patterns
initiated by the pandemic.

~~~
mnm1
Interesting. I'm thinking of moving into a city to find the community you
speak of. Then again, I've never seen such a thing in America, not in cities,
not in small towns, not in suburbs. I doubt it exists.

~~~
mrkstu
It definitely exists. Living in an Austin suburb now with most all of those
features. It was even more so as a kid in Utah, but it was much more
intertwined with the locally dominant religious group, so would be harder to
replicate more generally.

~~~
mnm1
I should have said, I doubt it exists for non-religious people. America's well
known for its cults.

~~~
dang
Religious flamewar is not allowed here. Please don't post it.

[https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html](https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html)

------
cutty
I'm 29, live in the Bay Area, and recently moved back to my parents place. At
first I was embarrassed, but while running around the neighborhood I keep
bumping into old high school and college classmates who did the same thing in
order to save money. Like you said there's nothing to do anyway since
everything fun is closed. I'm also saving about $2500 per month (more or less)
and hanging out with my family is nice. Honestly, your parents will be happy
to have you back anyway. There's nothing lame about moving back home since a
lot of people are doing it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

~~~
throw51319
Are your parents also in the Bay Area?

Yeah idk I just don't see the draw to the city now... and instead of half-
assing it, maybe just moving home and getting a good bike etc is wortwhile.

Basically zero dating options though, so that's the big downside.

~~~
always_left
As someone who does enjoy the Bay Area, it's saddening that as soon as work
doesn't require commute, there's no draw. Which I'm sure is the same for many.
Place is not for everyone, but I picked the Bay Area because I do enjoy it.

~~~
josuepeq
This.

I don’t live in the Bay Area because I want to work in tech...

I work in tech because I want to live in the Bay Area, and my skill set of
technical knowledge aligned with tech pretty nicely.

In San Francisco, when the pandemic ends and everything starts actually
getting back to normal, we don’t have to worry about if the weather will be
nice that month. We can pick back up where we left off.

I don’t have to cram our outside summer activities into five months anymore.

I love Chicago, but I did my time.

~~~
jakemal
I just moved from Chicago to San Francisco last weekend and can definitely
relate. I had such anxiety as I was locked inside watching the few months
where it's enjoyable to be outside pass by. Even without the pandemic, I
always felt such a need to go non-stop all summer because I knew the warm days
were limited and it got exhausting. There are a number of things that I am
going to miss about Chicago, but I really appreciate the fact that I'll be
able to enjoy outdoor activities here year-round.

------
a-wu
Yup. Living with parents. Cancelled my lease (saving $3500/mo). My manager
agreed to let me stay at home at least for the rest of 2020. Honestly, it's
been nice. My mom cooks for me like I'm a teenager again, and I only recently
graduated and I went to school pretty close to home so I have close HS friends
or college friends nearby to physically distanced socialize. I was planning on
moving back here in the future but if a lot of companies start permanent WFH I
might accelerate my timeline.

~~~
throw51319
Nice. Same for me on the mom cooking lol. It really is next level. Did you
move out of NYC?

~~~
a-wu
I moved out of the Bay Area. Honestly the mom’s cooking thing makes everything
worth it. The fact that I don’t have to think about grocery shopping and what
I’m going to eat is amazing. I just sit down at the table and eat whatever she
cooks. Of course I try to help with the cooking when I can (and I’m learning
how to cook her dishes!) but she’s also happy to do it since it means I’m
home. I read a comment about how some people don’t have good relationships
with their parents and I feel blessed and privileged that I do.

~~~
sujinge9
Pretty interesting that the biggest benefit of moving out the Bay Area is not
having to worry about food. Many SV tech companies provide lunch and dinner.

------
WarOnPrivacy
In my home are 6 males over 18, me and my 5 sons. Three of us work FT & it's
just enough to keep our head above water.

One son just graduated HS & will enter his final year of trade school this
fall. His twin is entering his senior year of HS.

During most of the post-2008 recovery (that news orgs endlessly crowed about,
especially after 2012) we ate rice, being unable to afford beans or anything
else. Some days we ran our of rice.

From my perspective, most of the recovery was limited largely to shareholders
& wealthy metro areas.

I don't fault or credit any PotUS for terrible years or less terrible years. I
do, however, hold some lingering resentment for news orgs that stayed
resolutely out of touch with all but select sq mi of the US. It's hard to not
feel they earned whatever oblivion they may find themselves staring into.

------
bobbydreamer
:) It gives me a smile and good feeling to read below comments. Seeing
americans living indians life. Living at parents home, good old moms cooking
and she's complaining about dad to you while cooking.

~~~
kazen44
as someone not from the US, The american mindset of moving out at 18 seems
bizarre to me. (also, moving halfway across a continent aswell).

Most people in my country don't move out of their parents homes until their
mid twenties (usually after university/military duty).

Also, it might be my ignorance of american culture. But to me it seems america
lacks a certain sense of regional culture that exists in most other places
around the world. a sense of belogin to a very localized culture.

Kind of hard to explain, "heimat" is a term which sort of covers it, but is
not entirely what i mean.

~~~
fragmede
For a sense of the culture surrounding the move-out-at-18 thing. Look at the
worse of America's response to the pandemic. Imagine someone like that is your
parents. Imagine trying to have a healthy respectful adult relationship with
them. While not all American's have a bad relationship with their parents,
looking at the worse helps visualize the central theme of "freeeeeeedom!" that
moving out at 18 represents. Then also, some parents choose to start charging
their children rent to live there, often when they turn 18. If you've got to
pay rent, living with friends your own age sounds enticing!

As far as local culture, there are regions (and stereotypes for them) in the
USA; the West Coast, the South, New England, among many others. There's a
large amount of homogeneity (eg the same supermarket chains; the same 3
choices for ISP) but also smaller regional chains that haven't yet been
"bought out".

------
thirteenfingers
There's no shame in moving back in with your parents, as long as they and you
get along, and as long as you keep making something of yourself. I lived with
my parents for seven and a half years after getting my bachelor's degree. The
first two and half of those years I did music freelance, after which I landed
my current full-time job in IT (but I've kept up the music too). I saved up a
bunch and then a few months ago, shortly before turning 31, I bought a house.

I'd like to boast that it was very careful and farsighted financial planning
on my part, but it really wasn't. I'm just good enough at appreciating the
living moment that I didn't feel the same urge to move out that my peers felt.

~~~
throw51319
I'm being very strict with doing worthwhile things and not lounging around.

I feel like it is almost more of a growth-phase than if I stayed in the city.

In the city there are so many stimuli to distract you perpetually... food,
raves, dates, "networking" etc.

Now at home I can channel past experiences in solitude and learn, create, etc.

Of course the downside is there's no dating at all. So essentially will go
celibate this fall/winter.

~~~
qorrect
My only rain drops on your parade is that raves, dates and networking are
particularly important in your 20's. I fear you would miss out on a lot of
those activities that you will not get to ( or have far less opportunity to )
do when you're older. At 40 now, I'm glad I had those experiences, but little
to no to desire to do them again.

~~~
throw51319
I'm thinking of using this 1 year to kind of reduce the stimuli and recenter.
Have def had my share of these experiences in the city. Not drinking alcohol
for 2020 as one of my ways of resetting.

------
bradlys
You're not alone. A lot of my peers in their 20s have already moved back in
with their parents or were already with them to begin with (if their parents
lived in the area). Some of the moved cross country shortly after the WFH
orders went into place - presumably to save money.

If you get along with your family well enough, where they live makes sense for
your job (internet/timezone), and they have the space to house you for then
why not do it.

I won't be doing it for multiple reasons but I feel like I'm the minority.
Most of my peers get along with their parents. (would be hard for them to
break into the SF Bay Area with no parental support) I don't get along with
mine - so I'll continue to pay out my ass to rent a substandard living space.

------
kenbolton
I moved out of NYC after the 2001 Al Qaeda attacks and back to my parents.
There wasn't the same level of lockdown, and the 14 days I was stuck in SF
when my 9/12 flight was canceled seems quaint now.

I used the change to learn python, improve my html & css skills, cook, and
garden, all while consulting for my former employer. My parents were happy to
come home to a meal every night and our relationship grew into friendship. My
younger brother moved home a year later. Within a year, we had each found our
"dream job" 90 minutes from home in opposite directions.

I left home fairly early and none of my school friends were still in town. The
internet wasn't nearly as social as it is today. Going to see friends and
doing freelance work in Brooklyn were the social highlights of the time.

In my neighborhood now, lots of younger people, many of color, are moving back
in with their parents. In some cases, the parents have lost their jobs. The
return to the nest is helping my community survive as these people are doing
remote work or getting essential jobs and helping make ends meet. I am
expecting foreclosures in the coming months, but these families are in a
better position to weather it because of the returning income.

edit: In my mid-40s, I would move back in with my parents in a heartbeat.
SARS-CoV-2, though, would likely hurt them more than me, so I'm staying clear.

------
rayiner
I moved into my parent’s house for a spell several years ago to save money for
a down payment. (Married, one kid, brought the au pair with us, lol.) These
days, my parents live about 10 minutes away and we sleep over a couple of
weekends a month. If we didn’t already live out in the exurbs near them we
would have moved in with them during COVID.

Living closely with family is routine outside the US and is only considered
“lame” in a handful of developed countries.

~~~
0x8BADF00D
It also depends if you can tolerate living with your parents. My one living
parent is driving my sister nuts, for instance.

------
kamyarg
This is maybe a bit too personal, but unfortunately I am not allowed to leave
my country if I go back because of my mandatory military duty, the one which I
do not plan to waste 2 years of my life on.

I miss my family and the city in general, our orchard and the foodporn-quality
fruits such as peaches with skin that peels just like butter, sometimes I just
question if it is all worth it. And probably is, but it feels definitely
unfair to have to choose A or B, not a mix.

~~~
frosted-flakes
Does that mean you're _never_ going back? I would find it difficult to never
see my family again.

~~~
kamyarg
My siblings live abroad also, and we usually gather in summer vacations every
1-2 years somewhere with my parents. Still not as much as I would want to see
them though.

I hope I will be able to go back sometime, unfortunately that time is not
clear though.

------
jkachmar
I’m 29 and living in downtown Manhattan at the moment. I decided to re-sign
for my lease, which would have ended this month, after negotiating some
concessions from my landlord.

Everyone’s got different priorities, but I enjoy living here and I’ve budgeted
to account for my rent even if my job situation changes drastically.

Lockdown was unpleasant-but-tolerable through the worst of it (end of March ->
end of April), and at this point I’ve got a good system for dealing with
another one.

Generally though, I’m concerned that other states and municipalities aren’t
going to deal with a resurgence as well as the NYC metro area might. My family
lives in New Jersey, so I’d be comfortable going out there if I felt that I
had to, but I’d absolutely prefer paying to stay in NYC over returning to
family living in most of the other US states.

~~~
rayiner
> Generally though, I’m concerned that other states and municipalities aren’t
> going to deal with a resurgence as well as the NYC metro area might. My
> family lives in New Jersey, so I’d be comfortable going out there if I felt
> that I had to, but I’d absolutely prefer paying to stay in NYC over
> returning to family living in most of the other US states.

You have to keep in mind that COVID wasn't much of a problem in the rest of
America to begin with. Daily deaths in NJ have ranged from 34-132 for the
month of June. In Florida, which has twice as many people, it's been 7-70. In
Texas, which has three times as many people, it's been 6-47. Here in Maryland,
which is a bit smaller than NJ, the highest count ever was 74 in early May,
back when NJ was seeing 350+ deaths per day.

We'll see how those numbers react to recent case number spikes, but there is
nothing about the situation in New York that would encourage me that NYC will
handle the resurgence better. The same factors that caused NY and NJ to be hit
devastatingly hard off the bat (density, population mobility) will remain
liabilities as things reopen.

~~~
jkachmar
I think that even comparing NY/NJ to CA right now makes me slightly more
confident that the NY Metro Area will handle a potential future resurgence
better.

I was out at some of the protests a few weeks ago, and the fact that NYC
hasn’t seen a measurable uptick in cases after that and the reopening is
promising IMO.

------
yalcinbar
I will probably be doing that. Because of corona, I lost my job. In my case, I
was living as an expat. Now I'm waiting for an offer from another company. If
it's not good enough, then I will move back and take a year off to try new
things like working remotely.

I don't want to work at a place that I don't really like, especially when I am
living alone in abroad and there's a high risk of second wave coming. I guess
it's time to take a break and focus on myself and my family.

------
danimal88
Also was in NYC. My inlaws have a place in CT with a basement that is larger
than my NYC apartment. Moved out a few months ago and won't be renewing. Might
move back to the city in 6-12 months covid dependent but for now, I'm thinking
we'll sit tight and enjoy the summer and fall in the foothills of the
berkshires. no garbage on the street, lush green mountains all around. really
hard to want to go back to the city at this point...

------
iamjake648
We are in the process of moving back to our home town of Eau Claire, WI from
Minneapolis. Doubling our apartment space for $500 less. It's only 90 mins
away from the city, so when we need an international airport again, it's still
close.

Eau Claire is a beautiful city with a ton of outdoors activities, and endless
biking/running trails. For a town of it's size, the restaurant scene is also
quite diverse. We only did a few years in MPLS, and while I did like a lot of
it, I couldn't stand not being able to go anywhere with it being absolutely
packed.

------
simonsarris
I never left. I lived ~3000 feet from the hospital where I was born for most
of my life. I currently live 10 miles from my birth place. I am you could say
a very provincial person. I love New Hampshire, even if it does not love me.

As a web dev I've eschewed some opportunities in order to stay here, where I'm
in a sort of professional solitary confinement. It is hard to know if its been
the right move (professionally, intellectually, etc) because the tradeoffs are
not at all linear. So I don't know if I've ever "saved money" but I certainly
don't have to make the same tradeoffs. (I wake up with the sun and a rooster,
I have lots of space all to myself and my family, there is no crime to speak
of, etc. But it's not "fun" like NYC is fun, I am sure).

Such professional solitary confinement makes me very, very grateful for
Twitter and Hacker News.

~~~
throw51319
How old are you? Do you have a gf/wife?

~~~
simonsarris
32, I'm married.

~~~
throw51319
Nice. Yeah honestly once you get a solid few months in the city and do all
that jazz, it's just more of the same. End of the day you need to find your
own ways of being entertained and growing... sounds like your location gives
you that.

------
odshoifsdhfs
Sort of. I moved back to my hometown to an old (and I mean old) family flat
that my father owns that is 2 minutes walk from my parents house.

Honestly, I wanted to shoot my self in the face every day. I love my parents,
but I left their home and city at 17 and coming back after 20 years just made
me realize I rather starve than live in that shitty hellhole I grew up on.

Sorry, not related, but fuck, I hate that town!

~~~
throw51319
You hate the town itself or just you hate the mental constraint of being
around your parents and all the things that trigger your childhood? I don't
hate my hometown but I do feel some mental constraint when Im here.

~~~
dheera
Yeah I hear you there, that would be a big one for me. I have a lot of mental
constraints around my parents. Not at ease doing things I like to do without
my parents always trying to tone down everything I want to do for work or fun.
It's incredibly stressful when they do that because it's always screaming in
my face "don't be yourself, be the normal person we want you to be" and I
don't think the point of life is to be normal

~~~
throw51319
Yeah definitely can see that happening. For me it's just that they project a
mental space of me being unable to do even simple things, "make sure you turn
the handle right!"

They watch the news every night, my dad yells at the TV screen.

Really annoying but not the end of the world. I'm trying to spend my time
learning, creating, while using as little mental/emotional energy as possible.

------
kixiQu
Let's calm down in the comments with assumptions about what people's
relationships with their parents look like. E.g., some people's parents get in
the way of dating, some don't. Some would be happy to see you again, some
wouldn't. Some have room to take you, some don't! Talk about your own
experience.

My experience is that my parents live in a national COVID hotspot so... yeah
no. Also moving while we're in a pandemic ain't fun--I'm moving in with a SO.

------
josuepeq
For me, pretty certain I’m staying in San Francisco.

Leaving was my original plan for this year. My late boyfriend had never lived
outside the Bay Area, we decided were going to change that. Since his passing
in March, that’s not an option for us anymore.

Why stay? My close friends - some of whom I have known and worked with for 15
years - all live here now. My boyfriend was an only son; being near his mother
for mutual support has made this process a bit easier for us.

While moving away would be a good way to reset after losing my boyfriend, I
feel that would be too much change to handle.

That’s not to say that things are staying the same around here. Two of my
three roommates have cohabitated together here as a couple; and are indeed
moving back to the Midwest soon - giving up their bedrooms.

That leaves two of us in a (rare for SF) 4 bedroom 3 bath house; which sets us
all back about $4200/month.

I am not yet willing to give up my lease and head for the Suburbs at that low
of a cost. Though not rent controlled, we’ve not had a rent increase since
2016.

It’s not just a cheap house. It’s got a lot of benefits. I have a backyard.
I’m not sure a new landlord would install 7.2kW EV charging in the garage. I
don’t share walls with neighbors. Once life gets social again, I’ll resume
enjoying a 20 minute walk or 4 minute drive to the Castro, Haight-Ashbury, or
Inner Sunset. If we are in this for the long-haul, I’ve got the interior
greenbelt to hike.

If I consider staying in the Bay Area, it’s not substantially cheaper to rent
(in comparison) outside of the City for single family homes. The quality of
life for me suffers if I had to travel into SF - time, tolls, BART/Caltrain
delays - it’s not worth the hassle even mostly working from home.

My plan is to wait for the housing bubble to burst again, and ride this out.
I’m not moving back to the sauna like humidity and the frigid cold of the
Midwest.

Nothing prevents me from asking for a rent decrease though.

------
codefined
Having my own place has really helped with my social life and relationships.
It's nice to have a place to invite people over that you can call your own.

~~~
throw51319
Yeah but is that worth it in the fall/winter when you're paying close to 2k
just to live in the city? Idk.

~~~
codefined
Hm, I guess my outgoings are around the 500 mark, which makes it much easier
to swallow.

------
baby
To hijack this thread, has anyone moved places in the same city to decrease
their rent? In SF right now rents are taking a pretty big dip and I’m thinking
about moving apartment.

~~~
trillic
I just signed a lease with my roommate down the street from my current place,
similar amenities in downtown Chicago.

Old: 915 sqft, 2 bd, 1.5 ba, $3000/month, $300 / mo parking. New: 1400 sqft, 2
bd, 2ba, $2800/month, free parking.

Our current place made us an offer at $2650 a month due to decreased demand.

~~~
baby
Wow. Must be a nice place. I used to live in a super nice 1br for 1300/month
in Chicago 4y ago.

------
hanniabu
I don't see anything wrong with that, but also depends on your lifestyle and
relationship with your parents. Your dating life will suffer unless you're
cool with bringing a random person home with your parents there. I'm sure your
parents will enjoy the short term company and can help them with chores and
throw them some cash.

~~~
throw51319
Yeah with Covid no way. Basically no dating. I have a gf that lives in the
city... so idk how long that will last.

------
sv1123
I am a 30-year-old female who lives with my 70-year-old, widowed Mom in
California. She's not doing great financially and is sick, so I help her a
lot, and provide company as she gets pretty lonely. Been protecting her a lot
from going out too much since the pandemic started, so that's sort of worked
out. I'm not sure if those of you who say it limits dating options are men,
but for me, my options haven't been limited at all. And in the past few
months, I have noticed a lot of men I've spoken to on dating apps are back at
home. I have continued to talk to them and don't think anything of it. I get
it -- it's a pandemic, it's smart to save money, and honestly our parents
could do with the help right now. Helping them means they don't need to go out
as much, reducing their risk. So if you're a man worried about this, which I
suspect some of you are, don't! The only issues: 1) sometimes I fear my Mom
has become too dependent on me for social needs and what not, and it can be a
lot. But this is something I am trying to work on. 2) the stigma I face
weirdly is when I read threads like this lol and read people calling people
like me "losers." It does make me feel pretty badly about myself, irrationally
so. But normally when I tell people in real life about my situation, nobody
really cares that much. Some people say it's wonderful my Mom has me. I think
to make this work, be of value to your parents, whether that's helping them
financially or just being a social support. Just make sure it stays healthy,
and it should be fine.

~~~
throw51319
Yeah good point. I just don't want to be chatting digitally with somebody for
so long... it's kind of a waste of time for both parties, but esp for a guy.

Biggest concern is bringing it back to my parents accidentally. Do you go on
dates or just chat online?

~~~
sv1123
Before the pandemic, went out on dates all the time. Since the pandemic
started, it's been more about talking online. Was considering meeting in-
person soon, but the surges in California this week have me reconsidering,
mostly because my Mom is high-risk. I don't know if your parents are in poor
health, or where you're based, but that's something to weigh in as well while
dating. But also, I once dated a guy who was building a startup and living at
home temporarily to save money; we just booked us AirBnBs when we wanted to
meet but not be around his parents, so there are other options by the way if
the girl/you are uncomfortable.

------
client4
I was going to move to Singapore in June. Rather than re-singing my lease, I
bought a pickup and a camper. I only plan on doing RV life until October-ish,
and then if the world is still on lockdown I'll find somewhere for the winter.
Annoyingly all leases seem to be 1-year, and anything less has a crazy markup.
I'm inclined to purchase some land, put up a steel kit building, and make it a
home/shop space for the winter.

~~~
beamatronic
>> purchase some land, put up a steel kit building, and make it a home/shop
space for the winter

This is an excellent idea!

------
justinzollars
I had previously worked at a terrible startup, lost my job, and moved to
Oakland to cut costs. I think I save 50%.

With COVID-19 there was no point to live in San Francisco anyways, my
neighborhood is more peaceful, I have more space, better weather and there is
less social unrest. My breaking point was a mob destroying my neighborhood in
SF.

------
gdilla
That's fine. But why pay Manhattan or SF rents if there's no social life (or,
it's tainted at best).

~~~
beamatronic
For great food!

------
abellerose
I would never move back in with parents. Firstly, it would be a privilege to
have a loving relationship with parents and which I don't have. They were
abusive people and the world will be better when they rot to nothingness. In
any case I would consider living with parents while you're close to 30 or
older as a disadvantage in the dating world. I can understand moving out of
the city to save money but how much more are you saving while living with
parents unless you're mooching off of them?

------
benrbray
The covid-19 travel restrictions have unfortunately delayed an international
move for me. I'm not considering moving back home, but in the event that the
restrictions are not lifted before my current lease expires, I will certainly
be trading my expensive urban apartment for something more remote and closer
to nature. All of the advantages of city life are inaccessible for the
foreseeable future, so why not move?

I can rent an entire house for half of what I'm currently paying for an
apartment!

~~~
throw51319
Yeah I just don't see the point. Things have started to open up in NYC but
it's just not the same.

------
grawprog
Yeah, I did this in November, quit my job of 5 years that I loved doing, left
the city and moved back with my dad. Timing probably couldn't have been
better. Would have sucked hard being out in the city during this covid stuff.
I've had a few jobs since moving back, none have been as good or even as
enjoyable, i've managed to keep working fairly consistenly though. So far i've
managed to save more money over 6 months than I was able to save over the last
5 years and that's still with paying rent and bills and stuff.

But, it's hard being away from my girlfriend, she's living with her parents
not too far from here but far enough we don't see eachother anywhere near as
much as we'd like, living with my dad as an adult has been a bit challenging.
We've both been used do having our own space and lives and stuff for over a
decade now, so there's been a bit of stress and such.

Personally though, I'm looking forward to getting my own place again but I
don't think I'm going to go back to the city. It wasn't worth the stress and
cost of living.

~~~
throw51319
Damn that's crazy. So were you living almost paycheck to paycheck in the city?

Yeah I don't think it's that worth it once you've had your share of the "city
experiences". Esp now with corona, makes no sense i think.

~~~
grawprog
Not quite, but almost. I had about a month's savings. So about two pay cheques
at any time in the bank. I've had more or less at any point in time but about
that on average, i've almost tripled my savings since then and I haven't been
that careful or anything. It's just been the cheaper rent it went from $1600
between two people to $600 between two people, less than half of before,
cheaper food and savings in travel expenses. I still ended up traveling at
least an hour or more to and from work each day. The cost of my commute has
gone way down.

------
flycaliguy
Try what I believe will become a common practice in the next ten years. Buy
your parent’s house, they keep the cash on the condition they build a
secondary detached dwelling in the yard. Aka granny suite. It’s a great deal,
you get a house with a separate apartment. When they pass away, it’s an income
property at no expense to you. Plus they help raise your kids while you help
them in old age.

~~~
cityzen
haha, is this sarcasm? as a father of 2 this sounds like an incredibly insane
and entitled plan. You do realize that older folks also look at their homes as
investment vehicles for their own retirement, right?

------
fortran77
Every Haskell programmer I know lives with his parents.

~~~
heldrida
Hahah that's so true!!!

------
dejv
I did that 7 years ago. I was 28 years old and by that time spent all of my
adult life chasing startups (both my own and helping others) without much to
show for.

After living abroad (London, Berlin, Kuala Lumpur) I got back to small village
of 1500 in the middle of nowhere, worked remotely and also bought some land to
farm.

It was a big change to be back in place where I never fit in as a child (and
escaped as soon as I could at the age of 15) and where I still struggle with
small town mentality till this day. But it was also much needed break that
gave me opportunity to not work that much, meet people whom live doesn't
revolve around startups and after all I see it as a positive life event.

I've lasted there for 9 months or so and then moved to a city nearby, where I
still live till this day. I am back in tech 4 days a week and then coming to
my farm for two days a week. I would say my "sabbatical" helped me build new
foundations of my current life.

------
zius
I moved with my girlfriend from our apartment in Amsterdam to her family
holiday home on an island in South-Eastern Europe. We save a decent amount of
cash (our rent+utilities was 2000€ alone) and live an amazing life here.

Definitely considering to find remote-only positions in the future. Currently
my company allows me to wait out COVID anywhere within roughly the same
timezone.

~~~
jimmyvalmer
This doesn't count unless girlfriend's parents sleep in an adjoining bedroom.

------
vidanay
Honestly, I hope one of the side-effects of the current crises is that there
is a re-assessment of the value of multi-generational households. We are
currently in the process of building a new home (planned before Covid-19) that
will accommodate my wife's senior mother as well as provide a future shared
home for our son.

~~~
minerjoe
Bravo. This is, IMHO, one of the biggest problems with the United States, we
throw away our elders. In other countries, such as Russia, it is very common
to have three or four generations living in the same home, with the elders
providing much support for the family, such as cooking or running the quarter-
acre garden in the back yard.

They really sold us on a bunch of crap last century with the "atomic" family
and suburban keep up with the Jonses bull.

~~~
kazen44
Also, the massive size of the US and it's larger cities isn't helping.

For comparison, (it might be my limited experience with people from the US)
but several people i know move across the continent for jobs/school never to
move back again.

This is not a bad thing per se, but seeing your parents only a couple of times
a year seems very weird to me.

In comparison, most of my peers live in or near the city they lived in their
entire lives (i know of only one example of someone who lives further away (2h
drive).

Being near your parents/grandparents is important, especially when you have
children. It creates a sense of community that is hard to explain.

------
ryandrake
My Bay Area tech company is likely WFH due to Corona until as late as next
February. I question daily why not immediately move to a lower COL town, at
least until then? If I was single and renting, I already would have gotten out
of here, but it's slightly more complicated/difficult with a family and
mortgage and a house to sell.

The two reasons I can think of not to move:

1\. End of WFH happens, and Company says, "Well everyone, back to the office!
Now I'm screwed and have to move back to the Bay Area or quit. Bringing me
to...

2\. If I had to look for a new tech job in Nowheresville, USA, how many months
(years) would it take?

Unfortunately, working in tech tends to handcuff you to the expensive Bay Area
or other expensive hubs. If it weren't for these areas' relatively secure pool
of jobs to choose from, there's no way I'd choose to live here.

------
sevenf0ur
I lived my parents until I was 25. I payed off my student loans, saved up a
20% down payment, and purchased a house 5 minutes from my work. I think the
few years of sacrificing my social life has put me on a better trajectory.
They didn't insist on rent but I paid $300/mo for their generosity.

------
westreal
Not sure if you still have friends at home, but perhaps the most fun period of
my life was living at home after grad school working a low-wage job. I spent a
ton of time with my old buddies drinking and playing games like MTG. I moved
to another city to get a "real" job and ended up living here for the last six
years. I've met a lot of cool people here and been much more successful
career-wise, but honestly I'd love to go back in the next few years before I'm
really old and enjoy the time with my friends and my parents while they're
still around. You may or may not have similar draws where you're from, but if
you do I'd just say it might feel like a retreat at first but actually end up
being a great time in your life.

------
blaser-waffle
Kind of. Live in a big city, but have in-laws an hour and a half away.

We go out there on the weekends, and occasionally for a week or more while her
parents are on vacation or otherwise out of the house. We can both work
remotely, so it's mostly how much we feel like being in rural Canada. We're in
a great location downtown, but it's moot when you're unable to go to anything
nearby.

Her folks live on a forested acreage, and we can do long walks with their
dogs, go for bike rides, etc. They are in the city at least once a week anyway
for work and other obligations, so it's not like I'm exposing them to stuff
they're not already getting... But it's definitely a good change of pace.

------
cpach
Nope. Got a wife and three kids :)

But fortunately we live in a very affordable town, still quite near the big
city.

------
speedgoose
I know some people who do that. They are still single years later, but they
saved a lot of money.

~~~
parliament32
That's the tradeoff for sure. Relationship with parents aside, "I live with my
parents" is not a good look in the dating scene for anyone past university
age.

------
maps7
I don't think it's lame. If you get along with your family then it's amazing
you have that opportunity. You can pay them rent and save and it benefits your
whole family.

------
belly_joe
I'm 30, in grad school, and moved back in with my parents just prior to the
corona lockdown.

I didn't break my old lease, so I didn't save much money until last month when
the lease was up. I thought I was going to move out again around August but
with nothing opening up I don't really see a point in it, and will probably
live here for the foreseeable future. Plus, I actually really enjoy living at
home.

I feel vaguely embarrassed about it but with nothing open it doesn't really
come up much.

------
fullstop
Not me, but I've seen a lot of people moving in with their parents. In most
cases, these are people fresh out of college, but some of them are in their
late 30s or 40s.

------
warent
This thread has made me feel a bit better about my situation. I'm a 25-year-
old who may end up having to move back in with family if I can't find new work
by the end of August. So far June has been pretty fruitless. Optimistic about
the next couple months but moving back in is definitely a last-resort for me,
mostly because it would be a huge hassle to move all my stuff into storage and
travel from California to Idaho.

------
Spooky23
My wife and I did this in 2005/6.

Best thing that we ever did. We had a great time with her parents and were
able to save for a significant down payment, which saved us a fortune.

We went a step further and moved to the provinces. Whatever excitement we lost
in NYC is made up for by a better life in almost any measure.

If you _really_ go to hacker meetups/etc, you may lose something, but I find
most people like the idea of doing that more than the doing.

------
deevolution
I also have a lease in NYC set to expire in September and plan not to renew it
in favor of moving back home to Colorado. My hope is I'll be able to find
remote work and pay off my student loans in one year while COVID blows over.
No reason to pay exorbitant rent prices in a city where I cant take advantage
of any of the benefits bc of the lockdown. I'm thinking this will be a nice
retreat into nature.

~~~
throw51319
Yeah all you can do in NYC now is go to the park and get take-out food... not
going to socialize heavily since all big events are cancelled.

------
Aboh33
I can't be the only one in that I grew up in a very conservative and religious
environment and towne (think end-of-the-world-but-not-quite-cult-belief-
group); and while I'd love to spend more time with my family I honestly don't
think I could take it.

Many years ago I engineered the situation to be that I am purposefully
multiple states away and while I wish I wasn't as far, I am glad I am.

------
throw1234651234
A lot of parents have no social life. This will only get worse with age. When
you move back in with them, you give them a false sense of a social life and
friendship, which will leave an even bigger hole when you move. Something to
keep in mind.

Edit: For all the people negging - the point is that you should encourage your
parents to have a social life, which is proven to be good for health,
happiness, etc.

------
chris11
I've made several trips to visit my parents while working, even redirecting
mail once. But I still have an apartment in the bay area. I'm sure my family
would be happy if I moved in for awhile. But I like my apartment, and I would
expect that officially moving out of the bay area would come with a salary
cut, I don't think it would save me that much money.

------
jedberg
My friend just did this last month. Moved back in with the parents, saving a
ton of money. They actually messaged me the other day saying, "Man, my bank
account hasn't ever been this full!".

It's causing some stress though, as both they and their parents get used to
living under the same roof again, and how the rules might be a bit different
now in your mid-20s.

------
potatochup
Wife and I moving back to our home town. Although all our friends are in SF,
it's miserable working from a small apartment and not being able to see our
friends. Our destination happens to be in one the places that is covid free
right now though. We plan on moving back to SF if/when things clear up

------
mnm1
Not now, but when I was 32 I did for about 2.5 years. Saved up and bought a
house after. I don't regret it at all, though I do wish I had been more social
during that time (I figured it wasn't worth it as I was only going to stay a
year or so originally). It's a great way to save money if you can work
remotely.

------
taormina
OP, I'm your age.

I'm still paying my lease in Austin, but I went back to the East Coast to be
closer to family in early March. My one bedroom apartment in a busy part of
town turned into a huge drawback once this all started, especially since I
have a large dog. He's been enjoying the yard.

~~~
throw51319
Are the benefits of living in Austin not there anymore with the lockdown?

~~~
taormina
For me personally. I can't really see my friends, I can't really walk over to
the coffeeshop or bar to work and get out of the house. Having a (large) dog
means that I also have to leave the apartment several times a day to properly
exercise him. In the last month, my apartment complex has had 3 cases of COVID
self-reported, and while they are all apparently self-quarantining, it doesn't
make me want to return any time soon.

------
gentryb
Not an option, and boy do I wish it was.

~~~
throw51319
You think it's a good option? Basically sacrifice any sense of your own place,
put all dating on hold etc for a lot of savings and healthy living.

~~~
gentryb
My comment said it's not an option. And yes I would sacrifice said things
right now. but again - not an option.

------
bazeblackwood
Honestly I've thought about it, but not to save money per se, but because I'm
angling to switch my full time gig from software to music, which is far less
lucrative. But yeah, I say you should go for it, COVID-19 isn't going away
anytime soon.

------
_gordon_freeman
Spend time with your family, evaluate your trajectory in life. This will make
you stronger.

~~~
throw51319
Yeah that's what I was thinking. Taking a "breather" from the city life, I've
had a few years there doing that whole jazz.

Might be good to save, live healthy, evaluate what I want from the next 5
years.

------
phanindra_veera
5 years in USA (2 years Masters and 3 years as a software engineer). Moved
back to India couple months ago. Already saved enough in two months which
wouldve taken 6 months in USA. Well, I also live cheap and invest a lot on
Gold.

------
Markoff
no, since I own my apartment, currently saving for second one (could already
buy at least another 2-3 apts in my hometown with what I have), the monthly
savings would be negligible, while quality of life would be significantly
lowered especially for my children

I mean if you own apartment what you will save, the rest of your expenses is
almost same anywhere you move, the difference in service prices is negligible

though we stayed at father's place like a year with child after moving back to
Europe while looking for apartment and doing paperwork, once the apartment was
ready we moved out immediately

------
orwin
I'm switching jobs and i want to go backpacking for a year, so yeah. If you
don't have a SO and don't plan to go "socialize" in the short term this is not
a bad idea imo.

~~~
throw51319
Switching jobs after the backpacking trip? No working during the trip? Sounds
like a good time.

Yeah that's the only downside... basically zero dating that whole time. But
save a ton, reevaluate things... I'm leaning towards it being worth it.

~~~
xur17
Dating is already a little weird with everything shutdown.

------
arrty88
My NYC lease got renewed in Feb just before all of this.

If I was on the summer cycle I’d be moving to the burbs.

Edit: landlord said they’d consider letting me out for 2-3 months of rent paid
as a fee. That’s 7-10k.

~~~
throw51319
Darn, bad timing. Mine's up in August. I tried to get out but they said unless
I lost my job I can't.

Pretty much decided not going to renew. Just doesn't make sense.

Biggest downside is going from unlimited high quality dating options to
basically none. But whatever.

------
non-entity
No way in hell my parents would take me back in and no way in hell I'd deal
with that again.

That being said, I really wish I could because I might be able to afford going
back to school in that case.

------
xem
I've been allowed to continue working from home (at my parents' house) since
lockdown and save 800€/month (half of my paycheck) :)

------
hckr_news
Definitely go home if your folks are sane. A lot of my friends broke their
leases and are back with their parents/families or siblings.

------
dempedempe
I moved to Veracruz, Mexico partly to save money, partly to learn Spanish. I
pay $75/mo for a room in a fully furnished apartment.

~~~
throw51319
Nice are you American? I'm B2 in spanish and would consider doing the same
thing.

~~~
dempedempe
Yep! US citizens get 6 month tourist visas, so that's nice. And they're not
fussy about "visa trips" (renewing by crossing the border). Obviously, that's
gonna be a bit harder now.

Finding a place was a real problem, though. They use Facebook Marketplace for
everything, and I didn't have a Facebook account (you can't use marketplace
until your account is at least 6 months old). On top of that, most places I
found were unfurnished (not even a fridge).

If you're gonna move here for a year or less, I think it's best to find a room
in a share house. Luckily, I had a friend who had a spare room.

Also, make sure you bring your debit card. I forgot mine. Boy, is that long
story.

~~~
throw51319
Great to know. How's the safety and the amenities (dining, delivery, laundry)
there? Are you enjoying it?

~~~
dempedempe
I'm in a gated community at the moment. Safety is not a concern whatsoever.
Even in the city center, it's pretty quiet here. It's pretty dangerous in
Mexico City or some places in the North. The danger is pretty localized, so as
long as you know what things/places to avoid, you'll be fine. Having a native
friend can be pretty helpful here. If not, there's always Reddit.

As far as dining, there are restaurants and street food everywhere. Many
places have servicio a domicilio or use Uber Eats. I think Uber Eats is only
available in the bigger cities, though.

Laundry is great! If you don't have a washing machine, you take your clothes
to a lavandería. They'll wash, dry, and fold all your clothes for about $3.
It's pretty convenient.

------
cochne
Kind of, I chose not to renew my lease in NYC and go live relatively far from
work with my significant other and her mom.

------
baby
Home is in a different timezone + I rent a non-furnished place.

That’s really the issue with renting furnished, you can’t easily move.

~~~
throw51319
You mean that renting furnished makes it easier to move right?

~~~
baby
Yeah, I miswrote!

------
saos
I've been thinking of doing this in order to save a bit more for house deposit
in London.

------
purplezooey
Depends on your age a little, at 20 OK, 30 mostly OK, at 40, hmm.

~~~
ARandomerDude
More like

20 - OK

25 - hmm

28 - grow up

~~~
throw51319
Ha maybe without the pandemic. But with the pandemic I would say up until 30
is completely fine... stacking mad guap

------
davidandgoliath
Lame or not, I'd do it @ 28 & single :p

------
Trias11
Moved from CA to NV in March. Then Covid began. Super happy here now.

No income tax, less liberal BS, friendly people.

------
thrownaway954
yup, at 40 and after my divorce.

------
brogrammernot
Nope, my parents are capitalists so they’d charge me rent anyways.

~~~
tengbretson
You think thats bad? My mom won't even clean my laundry or heat up my pizza
rolls!

------
kylebenzle
no

------
ARandomerDude
No, I'm an adult.

~~~
justinzollars
In the Great Depression many adults lived together.

