

Ask HN: How do you deliver difficult messages? - dpweb

To your bosses, clients..  Even loved ones, but especially at work, delivering difficult messages effectively, even the courage to have difficult conversations, is a very valuable skill.  How do you approach it?
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whitef0x
I do it through the way I was taught in my communications class and in many of
the instructor classes: make it like a good, bad , good "sandwich"

For most people I deal wth, especially those who are do not prefer bluntness,
he sandwich method really works the best. In your email you start out by
saying something hat they did well or something that went well. You then
carefully transition to he bad news (whether that he they are to be fired, you
couldn't get the job done, etc) and then you wrap it up with some good news,
so that when they are finished reading they aren't left with a bad taste in
their mouth.

However this approach doesn't work for everyone, and for some it may even
prove to make matters worse between you and the recipient. For those who
appreciate bluntness (you should make sure hey are this type!) sometimes
breaking the bad news at the start of he conversation/email works best.
However even when I do it this way, I always recommend that you finish off
with something positive/constructive to lessen the blow.

As always, when discuss these sorts of matters, it is always best to be
communicate face-to-face with the person, of possible, as sometimes things in
email/text/phone can get misconstrued and taken out of hand. In fact meetin
IRL is probably better than Skype too, as you guarantee that the person can't
just abruptly stop communication and you can leverage your body communication
skills to lessen the blow.

TLDR: Use the good, bad, good "sandwich" for most people, use the upfront "bad
news first" method for those who like it straight and blunt. Oh and try to
meet IRL to break the news.

~~~
S4M
To announce to someone that he or she got fired, would you do it this way?

We think you are a very competent person within our group and were impressed
how you did X. However while doing it you somehow neglected Y and it had bad
consequences Z, and therefore we need to terminate your contract with us.
Having said that, I would like to remind you how awesome you are in so many
ways and I am confident you will find very soon opportunities that are
matching your skill set better than we could.

I find it pretty hypocrite, but I must be of the blunt type.

~~~
michaelmior
First of all, if at all possible, don't fire someone in an email. Second, I'm
not a particularly blunt person, but I'm not sure the sandwich approach works
here. It's great if you have the opportunity to help the person being let go
find new employment. However, it's important to ensure the person is clear
that it's not working out and there's no room for negotiation. (And there
shouldn't be by the time you've made the decision to fire someone.)

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HeyLaughingBoy
It really depends on the message. e.g., this morning I had to tell my wife
that her dog died; there's no easy way to do that. About all I can say about
that kind of bad news is that it should be delivered in person.

OTOH, when terminating a contract (the only kind of "firing" I've ever had to
do), I point out to the contractor that they did great work, and was well
appreciated and they have completed their services well and the skills are no
longer needed. Follow up by mentioning that I would recommend them for a new
position and they can finish out the week.

Crappy contractor: you're not working out. We have to terminate now.

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jason_tko
This is one of the best books ever written about this exact subject:

"Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition"

[http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-
Stakes-E...](http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-
Edition/dp/0071771328/ref=pd_sim_b_5?ie=UTF8&refRID=0A527QDWWHZY4PTH334R)

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idoh
Do it professional and straight up. See this clip from Moneyball:
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXEtOPMW2hM](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXEtOPMW2hM)

