

How to ask for things - nicholasjbs
http://www.unschooled.org/2011/03/how-to-ask-for-things/

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bravura
When asking a friend for help, I always go by the adage _business before
pleasure_.

Write a small paragraph describing what you want. Start with a one sentence
summary. End with pleasantries. If you do it in the reverse order, it seems
much more like you are trying to exchange pleasantries for a favor, and feels
like there is less genuine interest in the person's life.

I think that's because a lot of people front-load the request for a favor with
a lot of pleasantries, and you just build that gut reaction of fear because
you don't know how big the favor will be until it's asked.

The thing I hate to hear most of all? "Can I ask you a big favor?" Just ask me
the favor. When I hear those words, I brace myself. It's doubly annoying when
the favor is small.

~~~
true_religion
Ah the "big favor". In a business context, I always say "No. Apologies but I
have to take care of X, maybe Y can help you instead?".

Of course if you had just come out and asked me from the start, I'd be more
likely to help you especially if its something that interests me.

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sivers
Brilliant. Well-put. No matter how busy I get, when I get a nice succinct 3-5
sentence email with a specific question, I'm always happy to take a few
minutes to answer.

It doesn't even matter who it's from or what they're asking. Form is
everything.

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shazow
I bet the majority of requests go unanswered because the recipient simply
doesn't understand what they need to do to participate.

Beating around the bush is self-sabotage. Be specific, demanding, but polite.
If you know how the person can help you, give concrete steps. If you don't, be
very clear about what you need help with.

Also one more: Write skimmable content. This is done by breaking things up
into structured paragraphs or lists, ideally gracefully degrading thanks to a
general summary in the beginning and call to action in the end.

~~~
duck
Or better yet ask them in person or over the phone. I was able to meet Dave
Thomas (of Pragmatic Programmers) earlier this year and I just asked if he
would be interested in sponsoring my weekly Hacker Newsletter. We talked for a
minute and I gave him what I was thinking and he said they could definitely do
that. I was pretty nervous asking, but it couldn't of been easier.

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bobds
I see a glaring omission here.

The 13th law of power: When asking for help, appeal to people's self-
interests, never to their mercy or gratitude.

<http://robertgreene.net/the-48-laws-of-power.html>

(The 40th law of power is also relevant: Despise the free lunch.)

~~~
digitaltothem
I like these rules. I can`t agree more with you about applying to people`s
self-interests. I think that principle "I`ll scratch your back if you scratch
mine" is very powerful. When friends receive your request for help they will
often look for a reason to help you. So, it might be a good rule to give them
in your request an answer to WIIFM. BTW, I experienced the truth of #45 -
Preach the Need for Change, but Never Reform too much at Once. We are
creatures of habit and hate when someone threatens them.

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Jebdm
Stick your one-sentence summary in the subject line. If possible, omit the
rest (unless the person you're contacting is likely to be offended by a lack
of pleasantries).

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rrhoover
It's also important to understand the recipient's business. I made sure to do
some research, if I wasn't already familiar, of all the YC alumni companies
that I contacted for assistance with the application. If you don't spend time
learning about their company, why should they do you any favors?

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drp4929
Don't forget to clearly mention what you're willing to give in return.

~~~
danenania
I think part of the point is that many out there are willing to help without
necessarily getting anything in return aside from goodwill and karma.

~~~
bobds
It's important to not frame it as a transaction, or the person you are asking
might evaluate it as such.

People want to feel like they are doing something for nothing in return, just
goodwill and karma. But they are more likely to help if you make them feel
that way AND give them something in return.

~~~
nicholasjbs
Sorry for the accidental downvote! I meant to upvote you.

