

Ask HN: Could someone, please, review the copy of my website? - soneca

I am launching a product in the international market, but I am brazilian and not fluent in English.<p>Some people already gave me feedback that my copy doesn&#x27;t sound professional due to some &quot;subtle grammar mistakes&quot;. It is a relative small splash page, could someone be kind enough to voluntary to do a quick review of my copy?<p>Thank you, very much.<p>the website is: www.companynote.net (clickable on the comments)<p>PS: Feel free to give any feedback you want (related or not to the copy).<p>EDIT: All changes sugested by creyes123 and specially pzxc are already published! Thanks a lot, guys!
======
creyes123
I spent five minutes looking at the page. That is all I can spare for free. I
have written books and hundreds of blog posts. Unfortunately, it is going to
take a lot more than five minutes to thoroughly evaluate and rework the page.
Have you considered using [http://www.fiverr.com/](http://www.fiverr.com/)?

Right away, I noticed some layout issues. I assume you already know about
those. Overall, I like the layout and use of color. Here is a rewrite of the
main tagline:

"Send offers to your customers through Facebook. Quick and easy. Much better
than sending emails."

~~~
soneca
wow! Thanks, great sugestion about the tagline! I will use it right now.

I will take a look at fiverr. The thing is that I assumed is not that far off
a good enough page, so an "amateur" native english speaker could spot a few
mistakes on a quick look.

(and I wasn't wrong, I got a great copy sugestion and a lot of good
corrections by pzxc below! :) )

------
soneca
[http://www.companynote.net/](http://www.companynote.net/)

------
pzxc
Your company (or competition) never tried this before. -> Your company (or
competition) has never tried this before.

We are the first in market. -> We are the first to market.

But people spend less time on e-mail and more on Facebook each day. -> But
people spend less time on e-mail and more on Facebook every day.

Notifications are spam free -> Notifications are spam-free

Facebook notifications don't have spam, as Facebook take good care with user
experience on its platform. -> Facebook notifications are not considered spam,
as Facebook takes good care of the user experience on its platform.

only the customers that want will receive your offers -> only the customers
that want your offers will receive them

Users spend more time on Facebook than on e-mail and let less notifications
unread than emails. -> Users spend more time on Facebook than on e-mail and
leave less notifications unread than e-mails.

CompanyNote lets you customize all parts of your message: the notification
text; the image of your offer content and the link where the offer will
redirect. -> CompanyNote lets you customize all parts of your message: the
notification text, the image of your offer content, and the link where the
offer will redirect.

This is the app your customers will signup, authorizing you to send
notifications to them. -> This is the app your customers will use to sign up,
authorizing you to send notifications to them.

In order to access the console your company must provide a valid Facebook
account. -> In order to access the console, your company must provide a valid
Facebook account.

We will send a weekly report with the analytics of you app and notifications.
-> We will send a weekly report with the analytics of your app and
notifications.

This report will inform: -> This report will inform you about:

Contact to more product and price details -> Contact us to get more product
and price details

If you are still a small business with limited budget, ask for details of our
less customized low-price option -> If you are still a small business with a
limited budget, ask about our less customized, low-price option

CompanyNote is the product of the Brazil based company -> CompanyNote is the
product of the Brazil-based company

We enable companies and business to communicate with their clients through
Facebook native notifications feature. -> We enable companies and businesses
to communicate with their clients through Facebook's native notifications
feature.

\-----

Those are the spelling and grammatical errors I could find on your homepage.
FYI, I am a native English speaker who always got straight A's in English
class. It only took me 5 minutes because you only asked me to review your
copy, not your layout/design. You're welcome! :D

~~~
soneca
Thank you a lot! :) If there is any favor I can retribute, email me (on my
profile) You basically just saved my company! :) (just kind of an
exageration). Thank you very much for your time...

I am indeed more worried about copy. A good product can get away with not
ideal design and layout; but no one trusts a poor copy, with grammar and
spelling mistakes.

~~~
pzxc
No recompense necessary except to pay it forward -- sometime in the future,
when you can help someone easily, do so and tell them to pay it forward also
:)

