
The Day I Found Out My Life Was Hanging by a Thread (2017) - _ttg
https://www.wired.com/story/the-day-i-found-out-my-life-was-hanging-by-a-thread/
======
brianyu8
This story is in the same vein as that of the CloudFlare cofounder[1] who
suffers from a rare neurodegenerative disease and has had his life pretty much
taken from him at far too young an age.

This quote in particular gnaws at me: "We had promised each other that in a
few years, when the girls headed off to college, we’d work less and travel
more. Amy didn’t deserve to lose those dreams, or her companion, just as we
were on the brink." I, presumably like many others here, have spent a lot of
time on my career, perhaps to the detriment of other aspects of my life. Is it
worth it? That seems like an impossible question to answer.

[1]: [https://www.wired.com/story/lee-holloway-devastating-
decline...](https://www.wired.com/story/lee-holloway-devastating-decline-
brilliant-young-coder/)

~~~
scottLobster
My attitude to stories like this is simply that you can't live under the
assumption that you'll die early from some freak cause. It would be a non-
functional state of life, sacrificing all long term objectives.

At the end of the day all any of us can do is play the odds, and sometimes
while playing X-Com that 99% chance-to-hit point blank shot by your most
experienced soldier with the best equipment simply misses.

~~~
grecy
> _It would be a non-functional state of life, sacrificing all long term
> objectives._

If your long-term objectives mean sacrificing (or delaying) happiness in the
now, then I think you're doing the wrong thing.

It's all well and good to have long-term objectives, and we all hope we beat
our life expectancy numbers, but you have to make every effort to be happy
_now_ , and not wait for some distant and uncertain future that may or may not
become reality.

~~~
scottLobster
Sacrificing present happiness for the future is the definition of a long term
goal. Today I sacrificed alcohol I would have enjoyed so as to continue losing
weight. If I thought I wouldn't be alive months from now to experience the
benefits from said weight loss, why do it? Ironically that attitude would
actually increase the odds of early-onset nastiness.

Why put money into my 401k that I can't touch without penalty for 40 years
when I could enjoy it now?

Being content and at peace with oneself in the moment is possible, and should
be striven for. But for my part I'd have a hard time being content with myself
if I wasn't striving for better for both myself and my family.

In my experience the only lasting satisfaction in life comes from discharging
meaningful responsibilities, that requires some sacrifice of momentary
happiness. Happiness is great when it's around but has no staying power, and
too many people get sucked into miserable hedonism while trying to turn it
into a constant.

~~~
kinleyd
Providing for an assumed future requires sacrifice and is the right bet. While
doing that, understand that the journey is the destination. It's a tall order
but somewhere in there is the answer to a lot of life's questions.

------
remote_phone
I remember this article when it first came out. It was like a gut punch.
Things like this are so scary and you can do everything right and still die
early. When I read he died a few months later it was just horrible to me. I
still think about this story often and it scared me to my core that I could
have undiagnosed cancer and be dead in months.

~~~
searchableguy
Same. Why I am against the idea of ever having a family unless I have a fuck
you pile of cash. At least that way, you won't have many regrets and you
should be able to hire someone to take care of things that you won't live to.
It won't be 100% same as when you were there but at least, it won't be the
worst.

Death isn't as scary as the idea of leaving someone dependent on you behind.
They might become dysfunctional without you.

~~~
kaonwarb
Life insurance can be very reasonably priced.

~~~
searchableguy
Yeah, you are right. Though, you stil require high income to go for higher
plans (at least here). My aim would be for my family to live a luxurious life
without having to work again. That requires more than life insurance money.

~~~
VRay
At any of the big corporate jobs I've held, it's been pretty easy to get life
insurance for 8x my yearly salary

I think my wife could take 8 years of Silicon Valley salary and retire off it
in a lower cost of living area, although you're right that it wouldn't be a
luxurious monetary worry-free existence..

------
kleiba
_So it was weird when my primary care doctor put me on a cocktail of pain
killers, nerve blockers, and cortisone shots. I even tried acupuncture. But as
my back began to improve in late June, I started to feel off. Sick to my
stomach. Weak. Couldn’t sleep. I lost more than 10 pounds. [...] My doctor
said I was fit and healthy and that there was no need to run any blood tests.
He wondered aloud if this was all in my head._

It never stops shocking me how different the American health care system is...

~~~
jotm
It's really not exclusive to America.

~~~
LilBytes
Well, based on my experience in the UK and Australia. We get blood tests on
pretty much any occasion when we're unwell before we're subscribed to an array
of opiates.

Shit, I had my wisdom teeth taken out days ago and the dentist was
apprehensive to give me anything stronger than ibuprofen and paracetamol.

Unfortunately, I think you're mistaken.

~~~
jotm
Funny that you mention UK and blood tests. I was literally told I don't need
one, so I went private for £100. I was right about something being wrong, too.
Really can't generalize for the whole of UK, though, some parts are so
deprived they might as well have no healthcare.

~~~
LilBytes
Yeah, absolutely. There's anecdotes almost for any situation proving a health
care to be awful and great. My comment is mostly around the current opioid
crisis in the United States of which there's an alarming amount of data to
support.

Australia also had, or more likely has quite the crisis too. This is not at
all specific to the United States though, I use it as an example as it's
demonstratively worse.

In the last few years in Australia, opiates in it's over-the-counter (non-MD
prescribed) forms have become controlled and are no longer available over the
counter.

[https://www.addictioncenter.com/addiction/addiction-in-
austr...](https://www.addictioncenter.com/addiction/addiction-in-australia/)

[https://www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/australia-s-
overdo...](https://www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/australia-s-overdose-
crisis-is-getting-worse)

Specifically regarding codeine:

[https://www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/here-s-what-
happen...](https://www1.racgp.org.au/newsgp/clinical/here-s-what-happened-
when-codeine-was-made-prescri)

------
jotm
Do we just never hear the other side (because there's too many of them and
they're too poor to get published)?

There's a lot of people who say their parents wished they "left a mark" or did
something in this world besides enjoying living.

My uncle died of cancer, it took all of 8 months (he likely had it for a while
by the time they found it). It was horrible for him.

By now, I have about 5 people I knew who just died suddenly or very fast,
including one who killed themselves. Life is short and unfair, there's no time
for negative emotions like hate, feeling sorry for yourself, regretting stuff
imo. Just enjoy whatever life you have.

------
MiroF
I almost wish stuff like this had something like a content warning. Reading
this made me quite sad.

------
bArray
I didn't see the "(2017)" when reading this and wasn't aware of the news at
the time, so at the end I wondered about how things concluded.

Unfortunately Matt passed in 2017 [1] [2] and the company reportedly acquired
by Uber in 2019 [3] [4].

My take-away from this is to not waste the precious time we may or may not
have, to not have regrets, to have my friends and family know how much they
mean to me.

A side note: It's a shame that the record of his death by his company only
exists through a web archive link. It feels like the passing of a person
should be more permanently recorded. It's a single marker that says "this
person existed and they mattered". Of course this means a lot to those who
knew him directly, but it also means a lot to those in the future trying to
understand their family history or the history of our society.

For example, the people who were killed during the witch trials - although
their deaths were tragic, at least there is some recording of the injustice
done against them [5].

[1] [https://www.geekwire.com/2017/mighty-ai-co-founder-matt-
benc...](https://www.geekwire.com/2017/mighty-ai-co-founder-matt-bencke-
dies-45-battle-pancreatic-cancer/)

[2]
[https://web.archive.org/web/20171020053826/https://mty.ai/bl...](https://web.archive.org/web/20171020053826/https://mty.ai/blog/in-
our-hearts-always/)

[3] [https://mty.ai/](https://mty.ai/)

[4] [https://www.geekwire.com/2019/uber-acquires-seattle-
startup-...](https://www.geekwire.com/2019/uber-acquires-seattle-startup-
mighty-ai-fuel-push-self-driving-cars/)

[5] [http://www.witchtrials.co.uk/](http://www.witchtrials.co.uk/)

------
simonblack
I laughingly went into the cardiac clinic to have a routine angiogram that
wouldn't find anything. I even made a play on my surname that I was going to
have a "strangiogram".

A bit later, the doctors said "We're not sure if we'll let you go home or
not."

I had plaques closing off my main cardiac artery just where it branches. If I
got a full blockage there it would be curtains immediately, with no chance
whatever.

Stents were no good, if they put a stent in one arm of the fork it would close
off the other and vice-versa.

I was literally a walking time-bomb. They eventually said I could go home. Two
weeks later I had a triple bypass.

------
knolax
Man that ending was very brunt. I did not expect to just see "he died a few
months later" as a footnote at the end.

~~~
smnrchrds
Not even a few months. Less than 2. 55 days to be exact. That was fucking
brutal.

~~~
LilBytes
Yeah, that knocked me for six.

------
mirimir
Pancreatic cancer is almost always asymptomatic, until far too late for
anything but palliative treatment. And it's extremely coagulogenic, so clots
are often the initial symptom.

~~~
bitcoinmoney
Why not test everyone then?

~~~
mirimir
I've wondered that myself. And for myself.

I gather that it does take several years to go from early cancer cells to a
tumor that's visible by MRI. But once there's a visible tumor, progression is
much faster. And by the time you're clotting up and experiencing GI symptoms,
you already have multiple metastases.

But there's no specific blood test, as far as I know. So basically you'd need
an annual MRI scan, I suspect. I guess that'd cost too much. Or maybe damage
from the x-ray exposures would overall increase risk.

~~~
MiroF
No X-ray radiation from MRI - I’d bet it’s the cost thing.

------
ravenstine
> My doctor said I was fit and healthy and that there was no need to run any
> blood tests. He wondered aloud if this was all in my head.

I'm seeing a different doctor.

~~~
donclark
Is everyone going to think this - or should the next step in this situation be
that every Doctor should recommend that you get a second or third opinion?
Without processes in place, we will continue to make the same errors.

------
BtdTom
The length of one's life is uncertain.

Death is certain.

The Buddha recommended that both lay and monastic followers perform the
following recollections on a daily basis:

1\. I am sure to become old; I cannot avoid ageing.

2\. I am sure to become ill; I cannot avoid illness.

3\. I am sure to die; I cannot avoid death.

4\. I must be separated and parted from all that is dear and beloved to me.

5\. I am the owner of my actions, heir of my actions. Whatever actions I do,
good or bad, of these I shall become the heir.

The first four recollections require no faith and can be perceived in the here
and now.

I find that regularly contemplating the above recollections are helpful in
reminding me of my own mortality.

They also prompt me to question my direction in life and what I'm working on.
It's often easier to make frequent but smaller course corrections than really
big changes.

With all that said, I still find myself falling into the illusion that I can
control what happens in my life and that I'm building something permanent. We
can certainly _influence_ aspects of our lives, but at the end of the day it's
all impermanent, beyond our absolute control, and will pass away.

------
canucker2016
The gut punch that keeps on punching...

A bit of web searching yields:

YouTube video from Matt's family and friends about Matt Bencke:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbgVvCnvrAk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbgVvCnvrAk)

Matt's wife and friends post to
[https://www.facebook.com/groups/benckeupdates/](https://www.facebook.com/groups/benckeupdates/)
(most content viewable w/o login)

Here's a covid19-related post -
[https://www.facebook.com/groups/benckeupdates/permalink/6501...](https://www.facebook.com/groups/benckeupdates/permalink/650190082226412/)

One sad thing is that the domain registration for Matt's personal website has
expired. So the web has recycled the website a couple of times.

Now the website content is NSFW. :(

------
tmikaeld
One of my previous bosses and then my client for +10 years, have cancer and is
very close to the end. He also spent his life in work and also have regrets.
He was fit and healthy, at his peak in life and then have it all taken away.
Cancer sucks do damn much..

------
Havoc
Much like others I found the no blood test thing wild.

Personally I've just resorted to doing annual blood test in a 3rd world
country. There the doctors will run whatever you like basically - it's paid at
commercial (3rd world) rates so they don't give AF.

Ironically in a "european" healthcare system the doctors are much more
reluctant given that they need to fairly allocate public funds.

------
DoreenMichele
_My doctor ... wondered aloud if this was all in my head._

Just as a PSA: This is all too common with obscure conditions.

Before I finally got a proper diagsnosis, I spent months on antibiotics with
doctors unsure what to do and when I expressed my concern with them having no
answers and being unable to fix me that this could kill me, I was asked if I
wanted to speak with a psychiatrist.

I wish medical doctors would be trained to never, ever dismiss anything as
"all in your head."

~~~
MiroF
On the other hand, there are people for whom it is in their head, but cost
considerable (and scarce) medical resources having it investigated and
treated. It's a balancing act.

~~~
DoreenMichele
There is a difference between concluding that someone may need to see a mental
health professional to check out that angle and acting like someone is a
nutter for being concerned that the failure of doctors to pinpoint the problem
might actually prove deadly. One is about getting actual answers. The other is
about blowing off the patient, being dismissive and belittling legitimate
concerns and it routinely proves deadly.

In my experience and from everything I have read, the latter is far too
common. It is much more common than the former.

~~~
MiroF
Doctors being wrong is more common than hypochondriacs and overuse of the
medical system?

I guess we'll just agree to disagree.

~~~
DoreenMichele
Doctors being dismissive, especially towards women and people of color, is
excessively common. It's easily googled and it contributes to high mortality
in some populations.

Here is just one such article:

[https://www.oprahmag.com/life/health/a23100351/racial-
bias-i...](https://www.oprahmag.com/life/health/a23100351/racial-bias-in-
healthcare-black-women/)

I'm a woman and was called a hypochondriac until I got the right diagnosis at
age 35. I'm skeptical that hypochondria is as common as people seem to think.
I think people with real problems that aren't easily identified and being
dismissed is probably far more common that actual psychosomatic illness.
Probably somatopsychic illness is the real explanation in many of those cases.

------
_bxg1
I'm going to go out on a limb and request that people not post this sort of
thing here. HNers, I believe, have a higher-than-average rate of anxiety and
psychosomaticism (myself included). Articles like this that don't include any
real hopeful message or interesting takeaway just cause pointless distress for
many of us.

~~~
nicetryguy
The article was brutal. I think Wired should have put a warning at the
beginning of the article, instead of the very end, but; do you really think
censoring yourself from all harsh reality and expecting "disney" endings for
everything is wise? Should every article contain a hopeful message with
mandatory rose colored glasses? Should survivorship bias echoing be enforced?
Zealous positivity can prevent you from somber reflection, asking difficult
questions, and growing as a person overall. I don't think its wise to dwell on
negative realities like the information technology fueled Muslim concentration
camps in China or the relative slave labor that manufactures your electronics
and clothing or the cows and chickens that get brutally slaughtered so that
you can eat meat and make necessary protein chains; but, hey, I enjoy my steak
and my smartphone and just keep rolling baby! That's life.

~~~
_bxg1
You're making a lot of incorrect assumptions about my worldview, and I don't
appreciate it.

No matter how grounded one's perspective is, each person has a finite amount
of emotional energy to spend at a given time. This is a universal truth.
Articles like this one can trash one's energy reserves - causing distress -
without introducing any meaningful new information or perspective whatsoever.
It's simply a bad cost/benefit ratio. I didn't learn any new hard truths by
reading it, and I don't need your assistance to consider all of the bad things
in the world, thank you very much. What I have trouble with is _ceasing_ to do
that even for a brief moment.

Don't preach at someone you don't have the faintest understanding of.

~~~
disabled
Yeah, there absolutely should be a content warning on this article. It is the
right thing to do. However, social media plays similar, more damaging and more
insidious psychological tricks. Big data makes it more personalized and
damaging. I think many have become desensitized to the harms micro targeting
on our hopes and fears has done, via social media in particular. Hence, the
lack of concern and sensitivity for the need of a content warning.

