
Don’t work. Be hated. Love someone. (2008) - jiakeliu
http://halfhalf.posterous.com/dont-work-be-hated-love-someone
======
grellas
_Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is
undesirable._

The speaker draws a dichotomy between work and play, as he defines these
terms, with work being things done under compulsion and play being things done
based on desire (and especially passionate desire). His theme is a clarion
call to shape your life, and the way you make a living, around things you love
to do and to avoid dying a slow death by simply doing a job that makes money -
the point being that it makes no sense to pursue modest comforts at the cost
of spending your life doing soul-deadening things you don't like doing just
because they earn you a livelihood. That is what "average" people do, and it
is a pit that college kids facing life all fresh and ready should by all means
avoid.

A few comments on this:

1\. Hard work, even lousy forms of work, can be precisely the sort of thing
that allows you to develop into someone who has the talent and character to be
able to do the extraordinary things you might love. The prototypical person
who has all the time and ability to pursue nothing but his passions, I would
contend, is the spoiled heir, the person who has never had to work a day in
his life in the way the speaker here defines work, i.e., as doing something
that only a drudge or a drone would bother with. It is no secret that many
persons of privilege of this type will wind up frittering away their lives
with little focus or purpose and will never develop the character traits that
would enable them to excel in life. They can pursue their "passions" all they
like but, in the end, they stand a considerable risk of being spendthrifts,
worthless heirs, or whatever other pejorative term captures what it means to
waste one's life away in the name of pursuing passions without focus or
purpose. Work - hard work, even menial work - is exactly what helps shape most
people to rise above the frittering stage and to make something of themselves.
For me, as a young kid and through my early adult years, it meant preparing
myself for life's challenges by doing a whole host of things that I was
"compelled to do" as the speaker uses the term: (a) enduring the drudgery of
many parts of the education system itself, (b) selling papers, delivering
donuts, working in a cannery, washing dishes, busing tables, waiting tables,
tending bar, running delivery routes for a pharmaceutical wholesaler (yes, I
know where most every pharmacy is in the Bay Area), (c) learning Latin on my
own to help fill a deficit in my vocabulary and grammatical skills, (d) doing
scut work to help meet family obligations, (e) working as a slave in a large
law firm doing endless round-the-clock tasks of the dreary kind that young
attorneys employed by large law firms often do (and quite a few other things
to boot). Eventually, all these things led me to a position where I developed
the skill and talent to do what I loved, and to do it well. But there was no
short-cut to getting there. Work, pain, and adversity are an integral part of
life and it is no loss - indeed, it is great gain - to spend some years doing
things you don't necessarily love if they help shape your character in a
strong way and if they help you develop skill sets that you can later apply in
a more optimal way. It is called "growing up."

2\. What most young people lack is not passion or intelligence but wisdom.
That is, they do not yet know at their stage in life how best to _apply_ the
skills, talents, and strengths that they know they possess. They have a sense
of what they want but insufficient life experiences to make right judgments
about how best to proceed. In this sense, the old, dreary job - with all its
limitations - is very often a good way to get out in the world and discover
important things about yourself as you gradually grow and develop to face even
more important challenges ahead (which, by the way, can consist of doing
exciting things in the form of a job - not all jobs are dreary and many
provide all the excitement and challenge one would expect even in a startup).
I would add that merely deciding to "play" (as the speaker uses the term) can
be decidedly dangerous in this sense because it assumes, very often contrary
to fact, that the goals you want to play with are really worth pursuing - of
course, they may be and I am all for those who want to throw themselves
headlong into what they love doing, but many young people will simply not be
equipped to make the sort of good judgment at an early age that they could
make later after they have had a few working years under their belt. Wisdom
combines intelligence with good practical judgments; to make good practical
judgments, one needs to know life and not simply from the vantage point of a
22-year-old who normally has not yet developed to a fully mature stage.

3\. Many people throughout the world do not have the privilege of completing a
college education and it simply cannot be a rule of life that "play" is the
operative way of doing things. Hardship and privation are everywhere in many
large pockets of the world and people live life doing many things they
wouldn't do if they had different circumstances. Often this takes the form of
hard, manual labor, agricultural or otherwise. Can it be said that such a
large segment of humanity is doing nothing ennobling but is merely spending
life dying a slow death while living worthless lives because work is done of
necessity? This to me comes off as exceedingly elitist. There is much in life
that is precious and people everywhere share these things, whether they are
forced to do things they don't want or not to earn a livelihood. My parents
were immigrants who grew up in conditions of squalor. They couldn't wait to
come to America to have the chance to better themselves, and they did. But
they did so through incredible hard work of the type that the speaker here
denigrates. To this, I say to him, "get out of your bubble and get a broader
perspective."

4\. All that said, I liked the punchy, colorful style with which the speaker
presented his points and I can appreciate that the points made, and the manner
of presentation, can cause young graduates to examine their premises and to
think about what they really want to do with their lives. No one with even a
modicum of ambition really strives to be average. On that broad theme, the
speaker's points resonated with me. By all means, strive to rise above the
mediocre. I would just take issue with the idea that hard work of even the
"deadening" type is not an important part of that process.

~~~
michaelochurch
Excellent post. I don't agree with how the OP defines "work". Work is goal-
directed activity that may involve momentary discomfort or difficulty, but
that leads to a long-term purpose. If that purpose is stupid, then it's a
waste of time, but if the purpose is useful and the work is rewarding, then
it's a good thing.

"Play" is usually used to refer to divergent creativity. _Convergent_
creativity is also important, and most people who never experience any
pressure or limitations never get the latter of those down. Here's a post I
wrote last week on divergent convergent creativity:
[http://michaelochurch.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/creativity-
an...](http://michaelochurch.wordpress.com/2012/04/06/creativity-and-the-
nautilus/)

What makes most "work" idiotic and soul-munching is that most of it's white-
collar social climbing. Most people are actually more relaxed and happier when
doing work activities than on average. What makes them unhappy are all the
social stresses and extrinsics (such as unreasonable deadlines, bad
personalities, implicit threats of professional adversity) that "work" imposes
on them and that have nothing to do with actually getting things done.

~~~
defdac
That piece about convergent/divergent creativity was truly wonderful. Thanks!

------
edw519
Age 10, me: "I want to be a professional baseball player." Others: "Get
serious, you'll never be good enough."

Age 16, me: "I want to publish comic books." Others: "Get serious, that's no
way to make a living."

Age 22, me: "I want to teach math." Others: "Get serious. You'll never make
much money that way."

Age 30, me: "I want to publish my own software." Others: "Get serious. No one
will buy yours over some big company's."

Age 35, me: "I want do a start-up." Others: "Get serious. You're too old. You
have responsibilities."

Age 40, me: "I want to be a stand-up comic." Others: "Get serious. Only the
top 1% of the top 1% make any money."

Yesterday, me: "I want to sit in a cubicle all day long and maintain someone
else's crappy code." Others: "Get serious. No one could possibly want that."

Today, me: "Since I spent my whole life listening to people who never
mattered, now I'm going to really "get serious" and do what I want: surf
Hacker News and write cool software." Others: "".

~~~
mattmaroon
While very few standup comics make Louis CK money (and don't forget how long
it took him to get there) there are tons of working professional ones you've
probably never heard of. It's very similar to music in that way. If you're
willing to work hard at it you'll probably get to where you can make a decent
living within a couple years, even if you never end up with your own HBO
special.

~~~
Cushman
My understanding is that the realistic way a musician makes a living without
"making it" is session recording and teaching. What's the equivalent of that
for comics?

~~~
ocelotpotpie
Assuming your write your own material, the rough equivalent for a comic is
getting a writing gig. TV shows, for other comedians, etc. You basically write
"session" material as a comic the same way a "session" musician would be a
hired gun.

~~~
nerfhammer
Being a writer for a TV show isn't "making it without making it", it's "making
it" proper.

~~~
ocelotpotpie
Absolutely - I didn't intend to downplay being a TV writer.

In that vein, being a session musician is also "making it" as well. But "it"
is subjective - if "it" is being on stage, you didn't "make it" in either
case.

------
DanielBMarkham
I don't want to trash this essay but I found it disappointing. I think the
reason why is that the author had a great theme -- flip common advice around
backwards -- but then let it take over his argument to the degree that the
substance was really poor. Very unusual for somebody who is a litigator. It is
an example of style over logic.

Life is not fair and you should do something you love. Birds also sing, mom is
a pretty good person, and be sure to wear clean underwear. This missing piece
here is that life is about how you choose to interact with it. It does not
exist without your perception of it. Instead of wondering whether life is fair
or not, you are the entity that should be fair. Instead of wondering how
something might or might not feel to you, realize that you are the entity
responsible for your feelings. You should be able to learn to love things you
might not initially. If this were not true we'd all be stuck playing video
games or taking drugs. The feeling that something initially gives you is not a
very good indicator of how much you might or might not deeply love it over
time. Learn to take orders and follow directions and you can be exposed to
more things that you might like. Don't do that and you'll never know what
you've missed.

This entire line of thought the speaker espouses is like that: half-formed and
glossy. You should do something that is meaningful and other people might not
like, but don't use their hatred as any kind of indicator of the worth of what
you're doing. That's backwards. Sounds good, but it's backwards. It also skips
over the most important part -- how to know if what you're doing is meaningful
and important. Using other people's hatred is not going to work.

What's worse is that after a while all these commencement speeches just run
together. All the same pablum about not having to follow rules, make life a
game, follow your heart, stick it to the man, and so on. Enough already.

It's not that these things are not true, it's that they are watered down,
feel-good bullshit phrases that really don't give you much chance of actually
doing anything useful from what you've learned from the speaker.

I can understand why people like this essay. If it were the only one of it's
kind I'd like it too. Hell, if there were only a hundred like this I'd still
like it. But at some point I feel that we're doing a great disservice to
college graduates by telling them a bunch of stuff that they would be inclined
to believe anyway, just in a more clever format. Sometimes, maybe only once in
a decade, somebody should tell these kids something that's a bit more
practical.

~~~
wdewind
I'm not sure I fully understood your second paragraph, but I found David
Foster Wallace's commencement speech to hit the practical advice nail on the
head. The story about shopping after work? Pretty brutal.

<http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122178211966454607.html>

~~~
keithpeter
Certainly conveys some sense of 'day in, day out'. I've dithered about reading
a Wallace book, mainly because of the length of them.

PS: Do you not have corner shops in the US?

~~~
philwelch
In parts, but they're more expensive than supermarkets and don't carry much
more than junk food and beer.

~~~
keithpeter
Over here (UK) the corner shop often has some fresh fruit, veg, milk and
bread. They are of course more expensive, but in my opinion, the extra cost is
not huge for one or two meals worth of food, especially laid against the angst
and ennui of a heavy traffic supermarket!

~~~
philwelch
Yeah, you're lucky to find any produce at all in an American convenience
store, though you're likely to find milk and probably bread in the better
ones. On the other hand, there's all the beer, soda, "potato chips" (crisps to
you), and chocolate bars you could ever want; sometimes a better selection
than the supermarket!

Also, because Americans drive everywhere and walking is impossible in most
places, most of our convenience stores are attached to gas stations (petrol
stations to you).

~~~
carguy1983
Large US cities have plenty of neighborhood markets / corner stores with fresh
fruit and vegetables and meat. I live next to 3 of them in West LA, within
walking distance. SF has even more. NY has countless. And yes, they are much
more preferable and expensive than supermarkets. The markets in California
usually have world class wine and produce, since our state grows millions of
tons of the stuff.

But yeah, most American suburbs don't have any of that, which is what you're
describing.

------
zdw
"Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become
good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will
have value in itself."

By this logic, a full third of the workforce ought to be professional
gamers...

~~~
jd
When people talk about "doing something" they typically mean "create
something". The author didn't say "Find something you enjoy consuming. Consume
it. Over and over again.". Gaming, reading, watching the news, that's all
consumption. Good only in moderation.

There are plenty of people who create stuff of value around popular games, and
make a living out of it.

~~~
jackfoxy
Producing art is far more fulfilling than consuming art.

~~~
leejw00t354
Shame it never seems like that in the short term though.

~~~
chc
It's not that it doesn't seem that way. I think people are generally aware
that the benefit is greater, but they're also aware that the cost is greater,
so it still loses the subconscious cost/benefit analysis. If it were strictly
equal in all other respects but more rewarding, everybody would create stuff.
But making a video game is way harder and way more expensive than playing one.
(This is similar to the reason people drink soda instead of water. They know
water is better in the grand scheme of things, but they also know that water
means sacrificing temporary happiness for future happiness, and the future
happiness doesn't seem enough to compensate.)

------
kstenerud
I have some issues with this exhortation. You need to survive today and plan
for tomorrow. Otherwise you'll never reach your goal. This means that you MUST
work. You MUST keep learning. You MUST gain allies. And you MUST keep your
eyes on the prize.

It's not enough to simply chase your dream; you need a plan and many
strategies. Most of your strategies will fail, and some will succeed. What
you're really doing in your failures and successes and constant practice is
grooming and changing yourself such that you eventually become the person who
can succeed in the endeavor you have chosen.

If you stop learning, you're deciding that there's nothing left to learn.
Besides the sheer arrogance of such a stance, it leaves you inflexible, unable
to change yourself any more. It means that what you're capable of right now is
all you'll ever be capable of, and that is a terrible waste, stunting your
growth and locking you out of everything you could be.

The real exhortation should be: Don't be mindless.

Don't get stuck in a routine simply for the sake of the routine. Routines are
good if they serve a higher purpose. They are great servants, and terrible
masters. Know WHY you are doing, in everything you do.

Don't do work simply for work's sake. Work should serve a higher purpose than
simply keeping you breathing and maybe squirreling away a paltry sum for some
nebulous retirement. You won't avoid work, so make work work for you.

Everything happens according to a plan. If you're not building and furthering
your plan, your life will be ruled by the plans of others.

Don't worry about whether people hate you or not; that comes as naturally as
human nature. Your success can be measured by only one person: you. Everyone
WILL judge you, but none is justified in judging EXCEPT for you. If you accept
their judgment, it is really you who is judging yourself, for better or for
worse. Know the difference!

So live, love, learn, teach, create, grow, succeed, fail, laugh, cry, suffer,
comfort, transcend. It's your life, after all, and you only get one.

~~~
creamyhorror
Wonderful counter-exhortation, I applaud you.

------
lhnz
I'm not impressed with this essay. It makes contrarian statements against
common wisdom which have some value but I feel are being miscommunicated for
mere shock value. I much preferred David Foster Wallace's commencement speech:
"This Is Water" [0] which really struck a chord with me.

> Don't work.

I would rephrase as "Don't do something you hate" or perhaps even better:
"Find what you love and do that". I generally enjoy my work and I'd be unhappy
if I stopped working... In fact, I make very little distinction between work
and play. (I also enjoy learning but apparently I should quit that, too!)

> Be hated.

Earning people's hate is often a strong signal that you are causing them some
kind of harm. But when should you care? I don't think you should care about
everybody's hatred equally, if you were liked or loved by somebody with
opposing values it would signify miscommunication on your part. Perhaps you
should care about the opinions of the people you love -- choose your own
authority in others! --, and greater than this, you should care about your own
opinion of yourself: "Am I the man I wish to be?"

[0] <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5THXa_H_N8>

------
wes-exp
On work, I believe Steve Jobs put it better:

"You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is
for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the
only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And
the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it
yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know
when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and
better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

------
jdefr89
This essay really sucks. Everyone attempts to go against common wisdom for the
ulterior motive of trying to appear to have further insight into life. This is
not creative, not origina, and I certainly don't believe it to be true. The
tone of the essay was depression... I don't want to live life in a depressing
manner, even if like is depressing itself. Ultimately you can choose if you're
happy or not. Cliche indeed but also true. Bottom line. I can go against
everything this essay says and live the opposite life he eluded and in the end
I could still be happier than him. Happiness is relative, and that is what I
found to be an objective Truth in my life.

------
leejw00t354
One of the best articles I've read in a long time.

I'm 21 and about to graduate. I totally relate to this and am already trying
to adopt this way living into my life.

My friends often tell me I'm being unrealistic and I'll soon realise that I
need to grow up.

My plan is to work part-time when I leave university leaving myself all the
time I want to work on my own projects and to socialise. That's what makes me
happy, so that's how I want to spend the majority of my time.

~~~
cgag
I'm 22 and I told a couple coworkers at lunch that I wish I could do my job
part time, and that I'd give up half my salary to just have all that free time
back. They thought I was crazy.

~~~
nerfhammer
I for one, wish that we could have one career half the week and a completely
different career with no overlap the other half of the week.

~~~
rquantz
I do that. I'm a freelance developer part time, and a freelance musician part
time. It's difficult, and way more work than just doing one or the other. You
have to constantly guard your ability to do it -- if you let them, people will
demand your absolute full time devotion to them. But I've found when you lay
out th rules early on, they usually accept that they can't have you body and
soul. If not, they weren't a good employer for you anyway.

~~~
nerfhammer
I suspect that it requires other ancillary skills like negotiation, self-
marketing and sheer chutzpah which I don't necessarily have all at the same
time.

I like programming, but sometimes I wish I could do it only a few days a week
and spend the rest doing something where I wasn't hunched over in front of a
box 13 hours a day. Sales! Photography! Helping injured animals! I've never
done anything that didn't involve sitting alone a desk all day...

------
vdoma
Making a living out of doing what you love will only work if you're
exceptionally good at it or if there's plenty of demand for it. For example,
there's plenty of people who love to play chess, but if you can't break into
the top 100 in the world, forget about living off it. I know plenty of IMs and
GMs who struggle to making a living. I think it's important to find a balance
between doing what you love and doing what's practical. And if you develop the
discipline to manage your non-work hours, there will be plenty of time for
play.

By being hated, I guess the author wants us to stay true to our convictions.
It's okay to be hated, as long as there are supporters as well. It's very
difficult to stand alone, though sometimes we must. Even so, if we can be
accommodating but still stay true to our convictions most of the time, that's
the way to go.

------
jboggan
That's a remarkably concise and honest address.

Having spent some time "making a living" as a field technician I can
completely agree with what the speaker said about killing yourself day by day,
all the while pretending you are saving up for some magical future. It's
living death, and the fact that the majority of people around you are engaged
in that same decay doesn't make it any better.

I've been happier, healthier, and more productive figuring out a way to
support myself from my pastimes than slogging through "work" hoping to spare
an hour of energy at the end of the day for what I truly care about.

------
sliverstorm
Personally, I've developed my own point of view wherein you typically have 8
hours of work and 8 hours of free time (roughly speaking). Some form of work
is a necessity to feed, shelter and clothe yourself and to maintain sanity,
and some form of relaxation is a necessity to again maintain sanity.

So, you can attack it on both fronts. Your job isn't everything you always
dreamed of? Well, if that dream job is out of reach for now, you can start
working on your personal life. Half your life is spent working, but half of it
is not. Don't overlook the chance to _live_ that second half of life just
because of work.

Yes, try to aim for a job you enjoy. But if you can't secure that dreamy job
where work feels like play every day, all hope is not lost.

(FWIW, this is conclusion is not the result of a defeatist attitude, but
rather the realization that the satisfaction I derive from my personal life
lags that which I derive from my professional life. Consequentially, I can
reap the largest improvements in my personal life. I can't take shortcuts and
fill that void with more work, because my physical & mental health
deteriorates when the balance breaks down in either direction)

~~~
alanyjw
"Yes, try to aim for a job you enjoy. But if you can't secure that dreamy job
where work feels like play every day, all hope is not lost."

As they always say, "Life is a journey, not a destination." I admire how you
strike a balance between work and play, which I have found it to be really
difficult to achieve. My approach to this is to give my best shot in every
thing I do. How would you know if something is not suitable unless you put in
the extra effort? This has benefited me thus far and I am proud to have
discovered my passion (even before I finish college).

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to tackling life's toughest problems.
One has to be willing to take the leap of faith and explore his or her own
purpose in life. The speaker has merely presented his own take on life and we
can choose to learn from it, or not. But ultimately, take everyone's advice
with a pinch of salt and listen to your heart :)

------
Swizec
Does it count as work, if you love it?

Does it count as a job, if it's freelancing?

Does it count as a job, if it's in a company you own 30%+ of?

These are important questions. I agree in principle, but I wonder where people
draw the line between work and play.

~~~
itfrombit
A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and
his play; his labor and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and
his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision
of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine
whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing
both. \- L.P. Jacks

~~~
eli_gottlieb
No, somehow I don't think he is always making money.

All these speeches quite idiotically fail to make a distinction between work
and remunerative work.

------
bbwharris
I didn't pick up "don't get a job". I heard, "don't do something that feels
like work". I 100% agree, life is far too short to spend most of your time
being miserable.

------
tferris
Life's a mess, life happens and you have no control over it => CHECK

Life's is not fair => Disagree, that's depending on your perception

Resist the temptation to get a job => CHECK

Work kills => he is a little unclear here—I gues he talks about working for
other, that's true—but the activtiy of working itself, being productive is a
great thing which makes you happy and satisfied, always.

Find something you love doing => yes and no, from my point of view, yes find
something you like but when trying to get big or to start something, seeing
and taking opportunities which don't look like your passion at the first sight
is more important, much more. Take opportunities, the more the better, don't
miss any and wait the awesome idea that perfectly matches what you love (BS
and time waster)

Be hated => BS, 20 yrs ago maybe I'd agree a little and in appropriate
settings BUT nowadays it's a very false advice and too risky, building a good
reputation is hard, takes long and can be destroyed in hours with the
Internet, with just one enemy

Avoid telling the truth => DOUBLE-CHECK but it has a bitter taste in how he's
presenting it, but maybe this needs just more depth: "avoid telling the truth"
could also mean, try to see everything positive. True or not true is often not
clear and subject to your values/beliefs. Focus on the goal and don't try to
fool people, if it's about staying positive and omitting negativity, fine.

Love someone => CHECK, but dont focus too much on this

~~~
dhimes
Good points, but I read the "Be hated" differently.

I think his point was that if you do something important, it's likely that
some people will quite energetically oppose it. This shouldn't stop you if you
really think it needs to be done. In fact, take heart: if somebody hates you
it's likely that you are doing something important. It's ok to be disruptive.

------
ritaylor6
I feel like I have wasted the last 7 years of my life..working. FML

~~~
joeguilmette
better knock it off before you say the same in another 7 years.

------
athoma
I am about to graduate from college and there are so many people applying to
jobs that society thinks are "cool". The great majority of these people aren't
doing it because they are passionate about their job, but they are doing it
for the money. The author writes "Find that pursuit that will energise you,
consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless
enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working." I am all for this statement
however the big question is, how do you find that obsession? I really have no
idea. Some people say its what you do when you procrastinate, others say that
it comes with time and creating experience "working" many different jobs. I
think the biggest sign that you are doing something you love is when you can
do it for free but then again, I have to make money to live.

I recently watched the documentary "Jiro dreams of Sushi". Jiro is 85 years
old and still works at his restaurant in Tokyo making sushi. He has won three
michelin stars and could retire any day but he keeps coming back to his
restaurant. Jiro says "you have to fall in love with your work". This is a
statement that one constantly hears and it is so often ignored however I
really think its true. I look at Jiro and hope that I also never retire
because I am doing what I love.

~~~
eli_gottlieb
As a 23-year-old grad, this whole meme of "Find work you love, and love your
work" is _absolute bullshit_.

Just because I loved programming at home as a hobby _did not mean_ that I
enjoyed sitting in a cubicle doing assigned programming projects all day.

------
grinalds
Interesting piece, one part struck at me as a bit ironic, and overly lawyerly.

On one hand the author says:

"The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that
the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even
conceal the truth."

and

"Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating....It takes
great maturity to appreciate the value of silence."

On the other hand he says:

"Every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not
just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has
caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous
instance, nailed to a cross. ... It is far too easy to be liked, one merely
has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions."

There is great contradiction in these two opposing statements.

First of all - the example that he cites, Jesus being nailed to the cross, is
a fallacy. Jesus was killed as a direct result of his truth telling at all
times, convenient and not - and his sticking to his convictions.

Second - I wonder if greatness, or love or hatred for that matter is worth
achieving if you not been honest in attaining it. If you withhold the truth
you feel in your heart, feel comfort in silence and make sure not to step on
any toes - the recognition that you receive must also be a false one.

Greatness made by silencing the truth follows "be loved"

Both require "much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and
values, one can be loved by anyone."

------
radikalus
I think it is dangerous to "teach" people that they should only do what they
love. So much of character comes from the determination to "do the right
thing" even if that isn't what you want to do at that particular moment.

I take a lot of personal pride in being able to persevere; lots of people do
-- why downplay this or regard them as "suckers"?

------
automagical
mandatory reference to stanford commencement address by Steve Jobs, for that
one person who hasn't seen it yet.
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc>

------
zht
we can play with semantics all you want, but what happens when you have kids
to support?

------
klaut
but does it really make sense loving someone when you are not loved back? that
is hard work. and it hurts. but i just might got it all wrong.

~~~
AznHisoka
That's the one part of his message that irks me.

First, he says "marriage is a milestone", and makes it seems like it's the top
milestone since he mentions it first. OK, that's fine and dandy but has
serious demoralizing consequences for the single dude who has tough luck
finding love. Never ever say marriage is a milestone to single people.

Second, I agree with you. Loving someone when they don't love back makes no
sense. It's something you can't control, so putting so much focus on love
makes no sense. And if he's talking about love in terms of friendships, he's
very naive. In this world, people will reciprocate attention if you give them
1 of 2 things: money or orgasms (or babies). I've tried to be good friends
with people, and they'll easily forget you because you are insignificant to
them.

~~~
lgieron
In my experience, you can't really try to be good friends with someone - like
with love, it's more about finding this special person (or a couple of them if
you're lucky) with which the friendship seems effortless and just works
naturally for both of you.

My advice is - in spite of previous dissapointments, you shouldn't give up on
people, but keep on looking for this "natural" match. IMO, for most people,
having a true friend [1] introduces more happiness than any
professional/financial success, so it's definitely something worth pursuing.

[1] Bonus points if that true friend is also your spouse.

------
rehack
Bad article - drama for some cheap thrills. Common sense stuff coated with
shocking statements (your life is over) or grandiose ones ("Be hated"). I am
utterly utterly bored of such crap. Tell me something I don't know. Or atleast
don't coat it with all this drama.

------
mmphosis
> Don’t work. _Avoid telling the truth._ Be hated. Love someone.

Is the essay is a lie?

------
vedrana
"... while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take
into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom"

Wow, what an extremely stupid and sexist comment.

------
ForrestN
Some of us can't get married.

------
acqq
tl/dr: He is a fricking _litigator_ and claims that what he does isn't work
and that _you_ shouldn't work, because work kills.

------
jczhang
Don't tell the truth? How can this be good advice?

------
Fando
very heartfelt and inspiring. not to be taken literally, but interpreted with
emotions. Simple and elegant advice. Love it.

------
bluetshirt
Couldn't make it past the sexist bull above the fold.

------
jiakeliu
I know there are a lot of you, just like me, will graduate in a month. May we
never have to work.

~~~
doubledutch
I think the word 'work' is loaded and negative. I think of work as trading
your time in exchange for money. I like to use 'produce'. Or 'creating'.
That's what you want to dedicate your life to.

~~~
eli_gottlieb
And what about the creations that don't bring monetary remuneration?

And what about the rest of life?

