
My co-founder took my company and my girlfriend - jot
http://blog.cubeofm.com/cofounders
======
nroach
Strange article.

Totally unsolicited feedback: It's kind of hard to convey teachable points
when the bulk of the article is opinion related to a story about another
person but none of the details are shared. I understand wanting to keep it
vague to avoid a dustup with the people involved, but it just felt a bit
devoid of specifics. If you're going to use an anecdote, either give us the
details or just make fictional and do some character development.

~~~
starkfist
I'll have to agree with this. These always read like they are totally made up
but he doesn't want to put effort into making it a good story, so he tries to
pass it off as a real story without the details. Sort of like thedailywtf but
without being as over-the-top phony. This one was barely readable.

~~~
maxklein
Give me an idea what to do. If I have to prove all my stories, it limits the
types of stories I can write. This story, for example, I could not have
written, because the person may not want this information linked to him.

I have the choice between writing stories about people vaguely, and getting to
select the interesting stories that fit, or writing stories I can source,
which limits me to only a very few stories.

If I don't use any stories at all, then the posts are less interesting. Your
comment puts me in a bind - I'm not sure what the way out is.

~~~
btmorex
Honestly, I felt like I was reading the cliff notes version of a personal
anecdote. I didn't read the rest of the article. I might have if I didn't
think that headline and "anecdote" were just there to make me click through.

------
cjoh
Kind of unfortunate that the maligned co-founder didn't end up making it big
in Country Music. That would have made for a better story.

~~~
sgoraya
Totally offtopic I suppose, but relevant to the parent comment..

Per David Allan Coe, this would have made it perfect Country Music story (from
the song: You never even call me by my name):

 _I wrote him back a letter and told him it was NOT the perfect country-
western song because he hadn't said anything at all about mama, or trains, or
trucks, or prison, or gettin' drunk.

Well, he sat down and wrote another verse to the song and he sent it to me And
after reading it, I realized that my friend had written the perfect country-
western song.

And I felt obliged to include it on this album. The last verse goes like this
here:

Well, I was drunk the day my Mom got outta prison.

And I went to pick her up in the rain.

But, before I could get to the station in my pickup truck She got runned over
by a damned old train._

------
jayliew
I know HN is largely male and single, so here's my hindsight advice that I'd
give myself if I had to do it again (I'm married and went through some #@$%):

The girl that ran off with the other co-founder? Just by reading that blog
post and not knowing any of them, I am willing to bet there's something in her
past that has not been resolved with professional help (i.e.
therapist/psychiatrist), and that I am also willing to bet that the co-founder
that she ran off with - they probably did not sail of into the sunset and
lived happily ever after.

If anyone knows for sure that I am wrong - I would be very curious to know,
but I'm pretty sure about it. At the surface, humans make their own choices,
but there's usually a pattern - as much as we won't like admitting that we can
be predictable - being shaped by our parents and upbringing.

Some advice that I wish I was told, that I had to learn the hard way:

* (Very) Red flag: F'd up parents or f'd up childhood upbringing. You'd think that you're marrying her for what she is today and what she will be tomorrow - but no - all that stuff in the past needs to be dealt with first - and I mean, professionally (therapist/psychiatrist). Maybe obvious, but it's easy to be blinded when you're love. If you meet a woman in a bar for the first time and she casually mentions about this fact in her past: RUN. Move on to the next girl while you have not invested anything in the relationship, before you've now sunk in time, energy, money and emotion.

* Go for the outspoken / confident ones. Or at least, do not be fooled: the quiet / shy / low self-esteem types .. could mean that they're just hiding a lot more than you know. The ones who blabber and talk to much? Well, at least you know there's less that they are possibly hiding (generalization of course).

* Anyone who's had this happen to them before? NOBODY saw it coming. If this happens, you will _always_ be blind-sided. So therefore, pay serious attention to your due diligence.

~~~
niallsmart
Don't let the complete lack of detail in the original article hold you back
from making some giant extrapolations there.

~~~
jayliew
My comment was not scientific, but it served to counter-balance the lack of
hypothesis from the other comments at the time, where basically nobody read
more into it and the consensus was "oh well, shit happens". Sure, it's from my
personal bias / experience - but all I was saying is that nobody pointed out
that there's a strong likelihood / probability that <hypothesis> the girl had
some issues </hypothesis> \- which could <hypothesis> be independent of the
whole startup drama </hypothesis> to begin with.

So "girl ran of with my co-founder" without any analysis on the girl herself,
only serves to sensationalize the startup drama more, as opposed to asking
"did the drama have anything to do with girl running off with co-founder, or
vice versa"

And my tangential point to the post about the startup drama is, aside from
watching out for the co-founder dynamics gotchas / pot holes, watch out for
girls with issues. Hypothetically, what I'm also saying is, if you _were_ the
other co-founder (the one that "got the girl"), don't be too quick to think
you've won everything (meaning, you may not want that girl). The statement
that you just read is also a hypothesis, just in case.

[http://blog.daryn.net/post/32264049/paul-buchheit-limited-
li...](http://blog.daryn.net/post/32264049/paul-buchheit-limited-life-
experience)

I can't edit the comment I originally posted - by I now wish I started it
with, "anybody who's been burned like this before knows exactly what I'm
talking about. If you haven't, feel free to pooh pooh my comment and disregard
- I apologize for wasting your time."

p.s. the remark I made about this being a pattern can be argued that it's not
just a personal bias - if there's anyone who's familiar with family therapy /
psychiatry here - you'll know what I'm talking about.

------
pohl
Let the startup go. If it was meant to be yours, it will come back to you.

Or, for Neil Strauss fans: You have startup one-itis. The best therapy for you
is to go start up a new company every weekend.

------
wallflower
"You do not truly know someone until you fight them"

-Seraph, The Matrix Reloaded

~~~
PostOnce
In the interest of not quoting films:

"For a friend is not to be had without trial and is not a matter of a single
day, but time is needed; hence the peck of salt' has come to be proverbial."
-Aristotle (Eudemian Ethics)

"A man must eat a peck of salt with his friend before he knows him." is the
alluded-to proverb, and that particular wording is from Don Quixote
(Cervantes).

~~~
gwern
> "A true friend is discerned during an uncertain matter"

\--Cicero

------
jamesbressi
"If you don't have any co-founders, when you hit that dip, that speed bump
along the road, you will be unable to continue."

I disagree. It depends how much grit you have. In fact, looking back, I would
have been much better off without a co-founder.

------
philk
_I did a lot of follow up work and watched as he basically out competed his
old company to pieces._

I can't help but wonder if the pain of losing so much to his co-founder gave
him the motivation to beat his old company and become a success.

------
steveklabnik
Ugh. If there's anything that makes a fight between friends worse, it's women.
Having lost a (basically) fiance to a close friend once, I can only imagine
how devastating it must be to have business involved as well.

The startup crowd is generally okay with instability in life, as it comes with
the territory. But kudos to him for being able to get over it, move on, and
succeed. Great story.

------
jonpaul
I don't agree with the inequality of shares when each party is the founder of
the startup. I think that everyone should have equal shares. In my experience
not having equal shares causes people to gripe over stupid things such as the
amount of work to do based upon percentage. It can also breed resentment.

Paradoxically to my previous statement, I do agree that a business is like
being in a marriage. That means that at times, one party is working harder
than the other party.

The real key to success with partners is conflict resolution, communication,
candor, and empathy.

------
billswift
Anybody else immediately think of "The Door into Summer" when they saw the
title?

------
maxharris
"took ... my girlfriend"

This implies that your girlfriend was something _less_ than a rational, value-
seeking adult human being; that you _own_ her, in some respect, as property.
This is so completely wrong that I don't think you really meant it, but that's
what those words mean.

In all realms, including romance, your girlfriend is a free agent, and so are
you.

And if your former girlfriend just wants whoever has the most money/status,
without being valuable in her own right, why do you want her anyway? Contrary
to popular conception, love is something you can reason about.

~~~
cynicalkane
All it means is that women are usually passive when it comes to relationship-
seeking behavior. This is a fine strategy and it doesn't make their choices
any less valid, rational, value-seeking, or adult.

~~~
maxharris
I disagree completely. Drifting along and dealing with life in a passive way
is sure to get you something that doesn't make you happy, or something that
won't suit you, and won't be good for your long-term rational self-interest.

The world is a big place, and wrong possibilities are endless. Adults are
able, by and large, make correct choices - not all of them do it, mind you,
but they are capable nonetheless.

~~~
cynicalkane
All I meant is that one is usually asking the other out on dates, not the
other way around. I have no idea why this precludes living an active life.

Incidentally, the pick-up artist method is all about enticing girls to go out
and get you instead. And we know what all winners those guys are.

------
lsc
eh, he says "Co-founders are both the most important thing that your company
needs and the most likely reason your company will fail."

I'm not entirely convinced of #1; a good employee can do nearly all the things
a co-founder would, but when they do leave for a real job, (and they will,
just like a co-founder will) you have the option of continuing rather than
laying down your arms.

Really, I think it comes down to the quality of people you can get. If you
/can/ get someone better as a co-founder than as an employee, then yeah,
having a co-founder might help your survival chances a lot.

The quality of people you can get as a co-founder depends largely on your
sales skills, though. so if you are as bad at selling as I am, you might
actually be able to get /better/ people as employees than as co-founders. Of
course, if I was better at selling, and worse at hiring, this would be
reversed.

------
armandososa
I gotta confess that after reading the title I laughed out loud and now I feel
bad for my utter lack of empathy.

------
adityakothadiya
The title is so incorrect. Knowing maxklein is author of this blog, I thought
it's his story when he has "My" in the title. He should say - "Someone's co-
founder took his company and his girlfriend."

Why people skew the titles so much, keep it vague, and sometimes even
incorrect to just get the eyeballs?

------
ww520
So it's better to go it alone, as Eric succeeded the second alone but failed
with a cofounder.

------
st3fan
yeah such is life. it happens.

------
mnml_
<http://blog.cubeofm.com/cofounders>

