

Really need advice: Is is reasonable to quit? - wouldbesmooth

There have been a lot of down programmer post lately so I apologize, but I need to get this out and I don&#x27;t want to worry people who...have access to me I guess. Female software&#x2F;systems engineer here.<p>Fairly recent grad (2013). Got a job full time starting out with a great company and a great team. The 2 hr+ commute however was killing me, and I was tied down by fiance location wise.<p>Accepted a new job closer to &quot;home&quot; and life proceeded to blow up. Engagement broke off and other nonsense.<p>The new job is horrible, no human interaction, I basically copy and paste code in the most backwards process possible for verification. I have depression and have been able to manage well enough for years, but it spiraling out of control. I can&#x27;t even function at work anymore and suffering from impostor syndrome when it doesn&#x27;t make sense. I can&#x27;t sleep, don&#x27;t eat, drink way more than I should.<p>My question after all of that hooplah (sorry) is: Is it reasonable for me to quit? I have a fairly solid resume and have been throwing out applications left and right. Any advice from programmers who have been in a somewhat similar mindset would be appreciated
======
wikwocket
It is 100% reasonable to quit for a new job.

Normally I would tell anyone to look for a new job, even if the only problem
was that their work was unfulfilling. Life is too short to spend half your
waking hours doing something that drives you nuts.

But in your case, it sounds like you are young, bright, technically skilled,
living in a big city with tons of leads, with a solid work history, and a
security clearance. You should be making big bucks at a software job that you
love doing. I don't know about DC, but in Chicago companies (like mine) go to
great lengths to get people like that to even interview, let alone have a shot
at hiring them before they get another offer.

If your life has "blown up," then you should probably proceed with caution,
and stick with the mind-numbing job until you have another offer. But
absolutely look around and start networking. Read the hiring and job-related
threads here, or post an Ask HN if you need help with that.

But absolutely start looking. This is the best hiring market for software
people in the history of ever.

~~~
wouldbesmooth
I am trying to get into the start-up scene (or at least it is a
consideration). Recently a friend came up with (what I consider) to be a
decent idea for a start-up. Working on that idea and fleshing on the business
and technical aspects, I forgot how good it feels to be completely absorbed by
something and love every minute of it. Definitely will keep up with the
threads

~~~
wikwocket
Definitely pursue what you love doing, but I would only recommend starting a
new company from scratch if you have some industry expertise, as well as some
savings or other means to support yourself for a year or more.

If you want the startup vibe, but want a much more stable life, look for a
startup with 10-20 employees, and profits.

And don't rule out getting a "normal" software job. Market rates, regular
paycheck every 2 weeks, bigger team, plenty of resources, and you still have
the potential to find a "startup-y" culture and some fun projects if you look
around enough. Plus you can stash half your salary to fund a war chest for
later entrepreneurship.

------
Im_Talking
You can't function at work, can't sleep, can't eat, drink too much, and you
ask if it is reasonable to quit?

You know the answer.

------
wallflower
A long time ago I was a workaholic and liked to be the guy who worked harder
than everyone else. I made the mistake of getting emotionally involved with
what I did for a living. Projects would stress me out. What saved me was
finding another outlet for my workaholism. For me, it was Toastmasters. For
you, it may be something different. Finding something outside of my day job
that I could pour my energy and optimism into and at the same time, push
myself out of my comfort zone, was key.

If you quit, it is not going to magically fix all your problems. The time to
start addressing the issues in your life (everyone has issues) is today - not
tomorrow or yesterday.

Please try to start balancing out your life (the cliche 'balance your life' is
true - think of it more like a tightrope where you can fall off, rather than a
seesaw). If you're going to quit, ask for a 1-month sabbatical (they might
give you one).

Good luck!

~~~
wouldbesmooth
Working on the balance thing and addressing the core issues, will try and
focus on it more. You are right, quitting will not solve all of my problems,
just one (that probably seems worse due to other things). Probably will stick
with it for a bit longer. Thankee

------
breitling
I've been through something similar. My job at one point was so stressful and
depressing that it was starting to show visible effects: weight loss, dark
circles, hair loss, etc. But I couldn't afford to quit.

I jumped ship as soon as I found another job. That horrible job made me
realize how good I had it all along and after many years now I'm glad for that
experience. Now, whenever I have a bad day at work, I just need to think of
that job to make myself feel better.

Hang in there and find another job quickly. You'll be just fine. In life, it's
helps to have some negative (within reason) experiences to keep things in
perspective.

Good luck!

------
kneisley
It is certainly reasonable! The two hour commute and the craptastic deployment
process are all you need to explain why you bailed after just a little while.

If there are financial reasons against quitting, or you don't have enough
cushion to quit right now, then reset expectations. Focus on sleep. Eat
healthy and hearty, exercise, and if you aren't well-rested, call in sick. Put
your physical and mental health first, always.

It sounds like isolation, drudgery, and disappointment are ruling your life. A
reset could help that. That said, the depression and the impostor syndrome are
things you should be talking to a therapist about.

------
kriro
Sounds like you should quit if you think there's a reasonable chance to get a
more satisfying job. Only you can guestimate that but I'd start with trying to
get in contact with the old company you worked for. It sounds like that was
enjoyable and you could move there now. It may feel odd to return to a place
you left but assuming you left nicely companies you worked for are usually
pretty happy to get ex-employees back (because there's no "risk" and they know
who they get)

------
pmorici
Unless you have enough savings in the bank to cover your living expenses for
several months or more I wouldn't recommend quitting until you line up another
job.

If you quit w/o a plan to support yourself then you have two problems instead
of one. Put in the bare minimum effort to do a reasonable job at your current
employer while looking aggressively for a new position and looking for some
social activities outside of work to fill the void left by an unsatisfying
work environment.

------
JSeymourATL
Change or Adapt is the proposition.

Relative to your current position-- I would be curious to see how much you can
experiment and expand on your own devices. Need more human interaction? Find a
way to meet folks daily. Verifications are backwards? Show the higher-ups a
better, smarter way of getting things done. Think of the current job as a
personal laboratory.

Ultimately though, quitting and moving on is relatively easy.

~~~
wouldbesmooth
Good way to think about it. Human interaction I could work on, should work on.
The verification unfortunately, for what they want to do and the purpose of
doing it, the current method is best. There might be other aspects of the job
I could turn in the a positive direction though

------
davidddavidson
Have you taken a look at some of the places in this list -
[http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-tran/capital-
business/top-w...](http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-tran/capital-business/top-
workplaces) ? There are a number of companies on there actively looking for
(cleared) software engineers.

~~~
wouldbesmooth
I have not thanks for the link!

------
bitonomics
You can never get the time you spent being miserable back, but you can prevent
spending more in the future. And quitting will allow you to make that change
for the better.

No knowing how you left the first job, it might be worth while to contact them
and see your old job back assuming you liked it and are willing to move
closer.

------
aosmith
If you're not happy get out of there. You're lucky to be in a high demand
industry.

------
daemonl
Sounds like the job is bad for your health. Like really bad. Do you live
somewhere with a lot of opportunity for programmers?

Also, imposter syndrome never makes sense, It's just what we have :-)

~~~
wouldbesmooth
Living in the DC Metro area, so plenty of opportunities and I have a
clearance. Part of it is guilt over considering leaving/quitting after only 3
months. It feels like I am giving up. Will try and hold out until I get
something else though probably, at least for a bit

~~~
chrisBob
My wife left a miserable job a few years ago. The work conditions were
horrible, and her boss was verbally abusive, but she had tenure. It was hard
for her to quit, even in this situation, but it turned out to be a great
decision. Facing unemployment is scary, and you should make sure you can
handle it financially, but I would recommend getting out if you can.

------
JohnHaugeland
Yes, it is reasonable for you to quit.

It is smart to wait until you have something else, then to give at least two
weeks' notice, then to take two weeks inbetween to normalize. If your new
employer reacts positively to someone taking care of themselves, then you'll
have set the right new precedent moving forwards; if they react negatively,
they might not be the more stable work/life you're looking for.

This is a very common thing with young professionals. Don't take it hard. Read
around; you'll find nine million other people who faced the same thing.

------
macguyver
The perfect job doesn't exist, so I'd recommend finding an outlet for creative
self-expression first in your after hours, and quit your job only if you are
having health issues related to work.

Life is short. Be happy.

------
dclara
If you have programming skills, you can look for another job since you are
pretty new on the job market.

Otherwise, you may learn a lot from the code you are copying and pasting from
other people. You need to have more experience before you can land a more
decent job.

Check out our free summer camp: "How to build a website like an engineer",
hosted online in the Kickstarter project:
[http://kck.st/SY4CXv](http://kck.st/SY4CXv). Let me know if I can help.

~~~
wouldbesmooth
Thanks for the info! I try to make at least some of my free time productive
with free online courses/material. I have been at this job about three months.
The job I was at before I was developing big data systems (actual
development), so I can code. Many internships/coops before full-time kicked in
as well

~~~
dclara
Good. You are very capable, so don't worry about the next job.

One thing I'd like to mention is: as a software engineer, we are looking for
more than programming. Online courses may teach you a lot of knowledge with
examples, but they cannot provide real industrial experience. The same for
internships, you may be part of the team and partially exposed to the software
product or system.

So keep looking for good opportunities, you will be more competent.

