
Life as a stepmother - ciconia
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/may/12/fear-left-prejudiced-children-didnt-love-me-stepmother
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scarface74
Some things I went through as a step parent....

\- the first time I took my younger now stepson to my house just to hang out
with him, I thought the weekend went well and as soon as I took him back home
to my now-wife he started crying. I had no idea what I had done wrong. A few
minutes later I realized he was crying because he was upset that his father
left him and didn't show him that kind of attention. Years later, we are close
as can be, but there is still a feeling of abandonment.

\- my wife had a hard time adjusting to the three of us (me and my two step
sons) sometimes just hanging out and she felt like the third wheel. She was
happy that we got along but she was so use to it being just the three of them.

\- No matter how much they try to talk bad about thier father, I try to tell
them just be better and when they grow up, remember how they felt and do
better. I never say anything negative.

~~~
Denzel
I appreciate the last part of your comment as a stepdad (we call it being an
Immediate Dad) going on 2 years now.

I remember the first time they spoke to me negatively about their father...
deep inside I wanted to agree or comment on it, but I knew that wouldn't be
the best thing for them. So I said nothing. And I've continued to say nothing.
I like your approach better though; so don't mind if I adopt it. :)

~~~
linsomniac
Early on in my stepdadhood, my partner and I called me "Bonus Dad", a phrase
we'd heard and liked as an alternative to the phrase that fairy tales have
prefixed with "wicked".

One day I was mentioning this "Bonus Dad" and "wicked step parent" thing to
the kids after school teacher, and she said "I don't know what you mean, my
step dad was awesome!" That comment really warmed my heart.

Fast forward a couple years now and the kids just call me "dad". It probably
helps that their other dad is now a girl, so I'm not really taking anyone's
place? Don't know.

~~~
opless
I've just owned the 'evil step parent' moniker, it's taken all the power out
of the negative perspective, and I can be more authoritative when I need to be
and when when you get called names... it reminds them how totally not evil you
are. :)

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kraig911
That was a beautiful article. I have to commend the Guardian here. I'm going
through hell with my wife and my daughter. The fact that there are people
making it with kids not their own -- out of love. It gives me hope for this
world that I often think is awful and wicked.

~~~
badcede
Best wishes with your difficult situation. Hell is not a picnic.

