
On Being a Black Man - coloneltcb
https://blog.devcolor.org/on-being-a-black-man-42ecb7946fe0#.fe75utkuy
======
danso
Great essay. Some of it made me smile only because it reminded me of the
slights I faced as an Asian in the Midwest, such as being mistaken for the one
other Asian in town, or having to come up with an opinion about the Vietnam
war even though it happen far before I was born. But these to me were mostly
harmless things that I learned to tolerate, though I completely understand why
other Asians absolutely hate such slights. But being treated like an Oriental
oddity is, as far as I can imagine, is much different than being seen as an
aggressor.

Being attacked or harassed for racial (or any reason) is always unpleasant,
but I've always found it easy to rationalize such experiences as outliers, as
in, "Well, some people are just ignorant assholes". So I've found the things
that happen at an everyday level to be far more deeply unsettling. I've been
in a few countries where Asians are rare (yes, rarer than in Iowa) and while I
hadn't been physically attacked, the experience of people just staring at me,
everywhere, while I'm going for a walk or waiting in line at the grocery, was
so unpleasant that I just found myself just not going out at all very much.
Not as a conscious decision, but from a reluctance that built up
subconsciously, and something that I only realized after I returned to the
States.

It's not that egregious acts of harassment don't happen to minorities today.
But when I think of why so few [insert minority group here] are in [insert
role/geography here], I believe it's because of the undramatic but accumulated
things that the OP mentions, all of which may sound like whining to people
who, while genuinely disapproving of overt attacks, don't realize that lesser
slights can be enough to create a dampening effects.

~~~
aianus
> the experience of people just staring at me, everywhere, while I'm going for
> a walk or waiting in line at the grocery, was so unpleasant that I just
> found myself just not going out at all very much.

I've been in places where white people are very rare and I low-key enjoyed the
attention. I find being ignored more disturbing. YMMV of course ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

~~~
balls187
> I've been in places where white people are very rare and I low-key enjoyed
> the attention. I find being ignored more disturbing. YMMV of course
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Except this is America, where black people aren't very rare. And the attention
the author is talking about, more often than not, is negative.

When you were out and about in these places with, were you afraid of being
stopped by the police?

~~~
refurb
_Except this is America, where black people aren 't very rare._

That depends where in America. There are plenty of place (some large cities -
SF I'm looking at you) where black people are pretty rare. Or at least rare in
the areas people frequent.

The funny part is I talk to the folks I know from the South and they have a
TON more interactions with blacks than anyone from the Northeast or West Coast
do.

~~~
throwanem
I grew up in the town where James Meredith went to school. In that part of the
country, about a fifty-fifty split is normal most places that aren't major
cities - I can't guess why, but those tend to be as heavily polarized in the
Old South as anywhere else. Outside the cities, and probably for the most part
inside them as well, nobody of any skin color really seems to want to start
trouble over it.

(We had a lot of that kind of trouble in the 1960s, maybe you know, and the
strong impression I formed growing up is that while the results aren't
perfectly satisfactory to anyone, the compromises are sufficiently so to
everyone, and nobody finds the state of things upsetting enough to want to go
beyond within-the-system incrementalism.)

Beyond that, and not to get at you personally, but nobody where I'm from
thinks about "[having] interactions with blacks". That's a chilly,
sociological way of looking at things, and it's hard to be chilly and
sociological about people with whom you've spent your life cheek by jowl. It's
just not the natural frame of mind.

On the other hand, since moving away from home and to a city whose black
population is twice the size of its white, I've discovered the remarkable
experience of being hectored on the subject of racial harmony by white people
who choose, for reasons on which it would be invidious of me to speculate, to
live where there are almost no black people at all.

I've never known a black person from anywhere to assume that, because I'm from
Mississippi, I must be racist. I've known plenty of white people from places
like New York and California to do exactly that. I don't really know what
conclusion, if any, to draw from this, but I sure do find it curious.

~~~
refurb
This lines up exactly what I've heard from Southern friends.

Like you said, I've heard that despite the reputation and history of the
South, there is a lot more racial integration in day to day life than most
parts of America.

And yes, it irks me to no end to hear whites from big coastal cities (who
rarely ever interact with blacks) shit all over the South (most of them who
have never been there).

~~~
nickpsecurity
I've lived mostly in Memphis, TN metro area in West Tennessee and Northern
Mississippi dealing with _lots_ of people. I corroborate that most of us don't
care about your race in the least. More about treating people with respect and
doing one's job well. Biases are usually residual ones operating unconsciously
or barely there outside of straight racists. More likely to show up in
negative situations where a person mentally assesses another to understand how
it happens & assign blame to something.

As another comment said, though, the sides feel so strongly about that topic
of race that bringing it up can have negative consequences in a big way for
simplest opinion. They're more likely here to get irritated and dismiss you as
an idiot than anything. Maybe shout counter-points at you. Both sides. You
have to be in the black ghettos or deep, white, rural areas before it gets
dangerous. Still more likely to intimidate you into leaving than hurt you but
you take chances there.

Things only heated up recently with the BLM protests. They shut down the main
Interstate and airport in Memphis recently. Pissed everyone off in a city with
lots of white and black fans of 2nd Amendment. Anxiety & tension is high but
no violence I think. A testament in itself, yeah? Hopefully the crap is over
soon so race relations & traffic conditions go back to normal. Except I-240
where the speed is about the same. :)

------
hawkice
In the list of things he's gotten used to that make him uncomfortable:

> Being asked things like, “So, what’s it like being a black guy in Silicon
> Valley?”

In all fairness, the whole premise of the piece is that the answer is worth
hearing.

~~~
tibbon
But people quickly grow tired of needing to be the token spokesperson for
their group, and needing to explain the frustrations again and again (without
actually perhaps seeing them changing).

No one ever asks me (a white guy) what it's like to be a white programmer.

One of my friends is a pretty famous guitarist, who happens to be a woman. For
the longest time, the first interview question was "What's it like to be a
famous female musician?", to which her response eventually became, "It's a lot
like being a male musician, except you get this question every interview".
Thankfully, the better interviewers have now caught onto this and don't ask
such.

So yea, it's good for people to learn about the difficulties/differences in
being X in Y, but it's also tiring to explain those frequently, especially if
people aren't asking you other things that you might find fun.

~~~
tcdent
I have a long beard. Nearly every conversation with a new person involves some
question about it; often "how long did I take?".

I don't get mad at people for behaving predictably, I expect it.

~~~
pm90
You did have a choice to grow the beard though. Race is something that does
not involve that luxury.

~~~
tcdent
Take your analogy and apply it in the other direction; pretend for a second
that people were able to choose their race.

Are you suggesting that having the option to make that choice is somehow a way
out? It's merely symptomatic and utter blasphemy.

~~~
pm90
I see your point. I think it wasn't the best counter.

You made me realize that its actually certain things that we as a society
decide as sacrosanct and not grounds for prejudice. So it can be with race,
which involves no choice, but also religion, which does involve choice. Or
political affiliation, which also does involve choice.

~~~
Retra
The only thing that really matters is people's ability to make decisions.
Their religious and political views can very easily reflect a failure to make
good decisions, and that has a real social cost. Race is nothing like that.
Neither is most physical disability, sexual orientation, nor suitably passive
statements about political matters or religious affiliation. That's why those
things are protected.

------
js2
I'm glad to have read this. There's one point I want to address:

 _It’s equally crazy how much more comfortable I feel around other Black
people, or in other countries. I took a trip to Cuba for 2 weeks, and everyone
there actually thought I was Cuban — which was surprising, but kind of awesome
at the same time. I’ve never felt so accepted in my life._

I'm American and Jewish, though hardly religious. Judaism is a part of my
identity, though not readily apparent unless I tell someone. I've been to
Israel three times. I feel more comfortable there as a Jew, while at the same
time less comfortable as a non-Israeli. It's a hard feeling to explain.

I wonder if this feeling of fitting-in is just a fact of life when you're a
minority.

Please don't get me wrong: I'm not at all saying that being Jewish in America
is the same as being Black in America. I'm just saying, in some ways, I feel
that the Jewish part of my identity gives me some insight into what it's like
to be a minority.

To add some levity to my comment: I'm surprised to learn that anyone could
_hate_ watermelon. It's just not a strong enough flavor to be that offensive.
Funnily enough, I used to not like it so much myself, but I kept giving it a
try and now I think that cold watermelon on a hot summer day is hard to beat
for a refreshing snack. I'm not sure why I ever disliked it. (I've similarly
taught myself to like bananas, olives, and various other foods I used to
dislike.)

~~~
StavrosK
Regarding watermelon, here's a tip from a Greek: Have it with some feta
cheese. There's nothing better.

~~~
smsm42
In Israel, it is very customary to do so. So I wonder if the top commenter had
encountered this while visiting :)

~~~
js2
I ate so much Israeli salad that it was coming out my ears, but no watermelon
while I was there. I really love the Israeli breakfast.

------
roninb
I have had the same self reflection wondering what I was saying or doing when
someone is intimidated (for lack of a more polite phrase) by the color of my
skin. A woman I currently work with is startled Everytime she sees me and
rushes away and I found myself making excuses for her. Trying to reason about
why she should obviously be afraid of a 5'10, 170lbs, 23 year old who talks
like he's a valley girl...

I wonder whether this is a generational thing or if xenophobia is simply
inherent in us as a people.

~~~
Vraxx
I tend to believe it's more inherent than generational. It's been around all
throughout the course of history in some form or another. My armchair
rationalization is that humans are social creatures and form these groups
(where outsiders are to be feared) and skin color is one of the easiest "group
identifiers" to latch onto :/

I don't think it's something inherent that we can't (as a species) consciously
overcome. I have never heard of such justification before now, and I think
having it written out emphasizes really well how ridiculous these xenophobic
reactions are.

~~~
manachar
Different cultures have different reactions to other humans that are outside
of the group. Some take aggressive stances, others practice a more welcoming
approach.

The Sentinelese people react violently to outsiders, but many (maybe even
most) first contacts of Europeans with various natives was peaceful on the
part of the locals.

There's enough variation even in just the modern world that I'd feel
comfortable saying that aggressive responses to strangers/outsiders is not
inherent but a feature of some cultures.

Why it's in some cultures and not others is probably a very complex topic
worth investigation.

~~~
drumdance
"Different cultures have different reactions to other humans that are outside
of the group."

Compare speaking rudimentary French in France to speaking rudimentary Spanish
in Colombia.

------
gregrata
Great piece.

One thing I find interesting is, as white guy, I've had very similar
experiences when living in the US south. I would often be the only white guy
in a store or on the street in certain areas - and felt like I didn't belong
or fit in, and was treated differently. I got used to it over time, but it was
still there.

I don't at all equate my experience to how difficult it can be in the US to be
a black person - MOST of the places I go that aren't in certain parts of the
south are mostly white (I think the US is something like 70% white?) - it's
horrible the prejudices non-white, and especially black, can encounter in the
US.

I DO wonder if, whenever an area is mostly one race, that if someone is not of
that race encounters the same kind of thing.

~~~
bduerst
I had a similar experience in Beijing some years ago, where I was treated as
"the rich white guy" or "movie star" (but surprisingly not in Shanghai). It
was annoying because I was a poor grad student at the time and the expectation
to open my wallet for everything was frustrating.

It's nowhere near what the author of this story has had to live with on a
normal basis though, so racial biases do manifest all over the place, but in
different ways with different levels of prejudice.

------
CWuestefeld
It seems to me that many (but not all) of the experiences he describes here
are things that most of us go through. He can attribute them to his skin
color, but really, most people are outsiders in one way or another, and
sometimes feel awkward about how well we fit in with various groups. So I'm
inclined to attribute some of his concerns to being just the normal (if
unfortunate) human condition.

Even as a middle-aged guy, I sometimes feel that the seat next to me is the
one people are avoiding. And I've _definitely_ seen moms grab their little
girl and march away when I smile at them (the little girl, that is; and then
my smile melts from sorrow at the world we live in).

I've been guilty of accidentally referring to one gay guy at work by the name
of another gay guy (and it was pointed out to me later by a third person). But
the thing is, they both held the same position at different times, and _that_
confusion over their roles was the actual cause of my mistake. Surely it's not
necessarily their sexual preference (or skin color in the case of the article)
that's serving as an alternate identifier.

I feel awkward when people talk about sports (I'm just not interested and so
have no knowledge) or popular culture like TV (I don't even have cable TV).

Now, it's not right to sweep all of his concerns under the carpet. I'm sure
that some of it really is racial in nature. But I'm equally sure that some of
it is just normal. And because it's not possible for us to live the experience
of the other, I can't actually see what it's like to be him, and he can't see
the awkwardness that I and others experience.

I'm sad that we're in a position where racial bias seems a reasonable default
explanation for such things. But I'm also sad that people also continue to
make accusations of racism, because it also hurts to be on the receiving end.
I'd have to admit for myself that I sometimes have impure _thoughts_ , but I
honestly do my best to make my _actions_ correct.

At the end of the day, I think the only way to get past this is for _everyone_
to be color blind. We need to guard against acting out of bias. But on the
other side, those people potentially on the receiving end need to get past it,
too. It's not fair. But unless we let it be water under the bridge, the bad
feelings will keep passing back and forth like a pingpong ball.

~~~
balls187
What you've written is pretty much nothing like what the author is talking
about.

> I feel awkward when people talk about sports

You don't like talking about sports, but it's a topic of conversation, because
by and large many people in the US like sports. That is different than
assuming you must be an athlete because of the color of your skin (racism).

> Even as a middle-aged guy, I sometimes feel that the seat next to me is the
> one people are avoiding.

For whatever reason, sometimes people don't take the empty seat next to you.
That reason isn't because the color of your skin.

> And I've definitely seen moms grab their little girl and march away when I
> smile at them

Yes, this is something all men should be aware of. Don't act creepy to little
kids. Parents typically do not spirit away their kids when adults simply smile
at their children. Something other than your smile is causing that parent.

> I'm sad that we're in a position where racial bias seems a reasonable
> default explanation for such things.

At the risk of telling you how to feel, how about feeling sad that people are
actually victims of racism.

> At the end of the day, I think the only way to get past this is for everyone
> to be color blind. We need to guard against acting out of bias.

I disagree with the first part, but agree with the second.

A persons skin color is part of their identity, and we should recognize that,
but not use that as a way to group, categorize, or otherwise use as the basis
for how we behave towards that individual. We should also be aware that it's
human nature to feel defensive against those that are different from us, and
to not give into that behavior.

~~~
smsm42
> Don't act creepy to little kids.

I am amazed at how a man smiling at a child is presumed to be creepy. I mean,
we are biologically programmed to like kids (at least the sight of them, sound
may be a different matter :), a phrase "cute kid" is as cliche as it can get.
And still, if a man smiles to a child, he must be a creep. Strike that, he
_is_ a creep, it's definite and sealed. And, of course, it's his fault - after
all, he should know that as a man he can't do such perverted things as smile
at the sight of a cute kid.

Is that unique US thing? I've never seen so much paranoia about kids and males
as in the US in other countries. It feels really weird to me.

> At the risk of telling you how to feel, how about feeling sad that people
> are actually victims of racism.

One can do both. Both feel sad at people who are victim of real racism, and
people who are victims of everything being reduced to racism.

~~~
dragonwriter
> I've never seen so much paranoia about kids and males as in the US in other
> countries.

The US is, I believe (its been a while since I've seen stats on the perception
and reality, this was definitely true last I did see them) in a multi-decade
long media-driven misperception of a rising tide of crimes involving stranger
(especially male stranger) abduction and violence against children, while the
actual incidence of such crimes has been declining for decades. So, yeah, its
probably a uniquely (or at least, especially) American thing.

------
teekert
Great piece, I used to think there was no more discrimination in my
generation. I grew up with black, Indonesian and white people in my class
(they former two were minorities though). I never though anything of it,
didn't even realize there was a difference until we were taught about neo-
nazis. I guess kids now do realize the difference with the whole black-pete
discussion in my country [0]. Honestly, when I see a black person I try to be
extra nice to compensate somehow for all this shit. But that is so stupid as
well, I wish I (and everybody) would just not see it. I feel your pain, lets
hope the following generations will experience less and less of this nonsense.

[0]
[https://www.google.nl/search?q=black+pete+netherlands&ie=utf...](https://www.google.nl/search?q=black+pete+netherlands&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-b&gfe_rd=cr&ei=s7SGV7axIYrH8AeF1JaIBA)

------
outworlder
> Being told by cab drivers that they’re the first Black person they’ve ever
> had a positive encounter with

Now, is that really a case of racial discrimination? Maybe, for some reason,
black people are more likely to give cab drivers a hard time? Even if it not
related to skin color directly, such as which neighborhood one is at.

> Feeling out of place when I can’t identify with certain pop culture
> references or cultural norms (like being able to swim, liking baseball,
> listening to rock/country or playing golf), because I grew up differently

I think this is key. Why is it that you have to grow up differently if you are
a black person? Would it be (in the US), because there's still segregation, in
terms of territory? You can find neighborhoods that are almost entirely
"black", next to "white" neighborhoods. What gives? I've never really
understood why that is. Why is hip-hop associated with black people, but not
rock? What about swimming?

The rest of the list is even more depressing. As a white guy, I have never
experienced that.

~~~
spraak
> Maybe, for some reason, black people are more likely to give cab drivers a
> hard time? Even if it not related to skin color directly, such as which
> neighborhood one is at.

You're getting really close to sounding racist, and some would say you already
are.

Why would there be a reason black people would give cab drivers a harder time
than other skin colors? There isn't any good reason.

As for neighborhood differences, that's a problem of racism (segregation) too.

~~~
selectron
> Why would there be a reason black people would give cab drivers a harder
> time than other skin colors? There isn't any good reason.

This is clearly happening, based on the anecdote of cab drivers avoiding
picking up black people as well as telling the OP he is the first black person
who they had a positive experience with. Some stereotypes are based in
reality, and it isn't racist to acknowledge this.

~~~
throwaway302498
Might it be related to:
[https://www.google.com/#q=black+tipping](https://www.google.com/#q=black+tipping)

~~~
x2398dh1
Your slew of Google searches included this article:

[http://scholarship.sha.cornell.edu/chrpubs/88/](http://scholarship.sha.cornell.edu/chrpubs/88/)

~~~
selectron
That has to be one of the worst abstracts I've ever read. I have no idea
whether or not black people tip less having read the abstract.

------
tzs
> Feeling out of place when I can’t identify with certain pop culture
> references or cultural norms (like being able to swim, liking baseball,
> listening to rock/country or playing golf), because I grew up differently.

For swimming, the norm in America is to _think_ you know how to swim. 80%
claim they can swim, but only 56% can demonstrate the five core skills that
the Red Cross considers to be basic skills. The skills are (1) step or jump
into water that is over your head, (2) return to the surface and float or
treat water for one minute, (3) turn around in a full circle and find an exit,
(4) swim 25 yards to the exit, and (5) climb out of the water [1].

The author, though, is from Jamaica. I would have guessed that swimming would
be much more common there, since it is an island nation. However, to my
surprise, a bit of Googling reveals that apparently Jamaicans are no more
inclined toward swimming than are those who live nowhere near large bodies of
water.

[1] [http://www.redcross.org/news/press-release/Red-Cross-
Launche...](http://www.redcross.org/news/press-release/Red-Cross-Launches-
Campaign-to-Cut-Drowning-in-Half-in-50-Cities)

~~~
disbelief
I think you're misunderstanding him. What he meant was the cultural norm (or
more accurately imo: "the stereotype") in America around black people is that
they can't swim, don't like baseball, don't listen to rock/country or play
golf.

~~~
true_religion
This got me curious and a cursory search seems to hint that blacks are
proportionately represented (as per the percentage of the US population that
identifies as such) in baseball, and _disproportionally_ represented in sports
like basketball.

For baseball: > 60% of the players in the league are White, while 28.53% are
Hispanic. That leaves roughly 12% available for Black and Asian players[1]

For basketball: > NBA in 2015 was composed of 74.4 percent black players, 23.3
percent white players, 1.8 percent Latino players, and 0.2 percent Asian
players.

In that exactly as many black people play baseball professionally as you'd
expect, just looking at population numbers.

[1] [http://www.besttickets.com/blog/mlb-players-
census/](http://www.besttickets.com/blog/mlb-players-census/)

[2]
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_and_ethnicity_in_the_NBA](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_and_ethnicity_in_the_NBA)

~~~
disbelief
Interesting. So it seems that enjoying baseball is a form of mild insanity
that is distributed evenly across all races ;)

------
hyperliner
So true story:

WG: "So, when did you get your green card?"

Me: "hmmm, I am American"

WG: "Really? From where?"

Me: "[city in California]"

WG: "So, but when did your family move to the US?"

Me: "hmmm, I have no idea. I think the first ones came here in early 1800s"

WG: "THAT CAN'T BE!"

Me: "So, when did you get YOUR green card." (at his point I am just trying to
play with him)

WG: "No, I am an American born and raised in [California city]"

Me: "But when did YOUR FAMILY move here?"

WG: "Well, my grandma was from [european country]?"

Me: "Well, I think if that is a definition, I am more AMERICAN than you!"

WG: Awkwardly walks away

~~~
calibraxis
Yeah, it's amusing that the conquerors who incompetently called the people
here "Indians" are somehow native to America. It's a bit like those people
running around in "cowboy" clothing in what's now called Texas, aping the
Mexicans they stole the land from.

~~~
hyperliner
You are bringing up something completely unrelated. I am talking about race,
you are talking about some historical event that happened more than 170 years
ago. It was a war, and America won.

Texas is America.

~~~
calibraxis
> Texas is America.

No, Texas is _in_ America, it is not America. (America was taken from the...
so-called "Indians"... and Texas is something of a microcosm of that.)
Furthermore, your earlier post was literally predicated on "some historical
event that happened more than 170 years ago": in the "early 1800s". Finally,
it is clear I discussed race.

------
nkurz
I don't know who's "right", but here's a recent counterpoint by another black
technologist:

 _So no, despite the prevailing atmosphere of hysteria, I’m not afraid of
being killed by the police. Quite the contrary: sadly, the data shows I’m much
more likely to be victimized by a fellow black man than by a white police
officer. So may the police remain sharp, aggressive, and strike fear into
criminals so the good people don’t become victims._

[http://thefederalist.com/2016/07/11/if-you-dont-want-
police-...](http://thefederalist.com/2016/07/11/if-you-dont-want-police-to-
shoot-you-dont-resist-arrest/)

~~~
Neeek
So these victims of the system, as he says himself, just deserve to be shot in
the street? Failed experiments of welfare that should just be swept up with
the rest of the trash? I understand you're just providing the counterpoint to
this article, but its like it touches on some of the right points but too many
of the wrong ones for me. A very cold, judgmental view of the members of your
community (assuming you're American, I am not) that are the most vulnerable
and offered the least opportunities.

He says it himself in the article, that it's a problem that runs much deeper
than "Don't resist arrest", and then immediately tries to solve it by saying
"Don't resist arrest", dumping the problem on the victim and expecting them to
figure it out on their own.

Sorry if that came across strongly, like I said I'm just an outsider looking
in; I appreciate the discussion :)

------
Retric
As a large framed 6'2" male I got a lot of negative reactions when I was very
fit with short hair. Back in collage I ended up growing very long hair to move
from the thug stereotype to Fabio. Which was kind of amusing, but also a good
way to move things in a positive direction. Except that one cab driver who
hated people with long hair because the hippy movement killed off his local
barber shop.

So, yes people will judge you. But, you can also distract people by giving
them something else to focus on which is under your control. While I am not
suggesting you walk around in clown shoes, but if you did that's going to be
the first thing on everyone's lips.

------
selectron
> Being told by cab drivers that they’re the first Black person they’ve ever
> had a positive encounter with

This was the most surprising to me in his list of things he has grown
accustomed to.

~~~
squiguy7
This is the quote that stood out to me most too. It's quite appalling to me
that this is "normal" for the guy. I can't help but feel like our perception
of others has been molded too much by things we see instead of the things we
have done.

------
12341234123512
It's interesting to see that the author strongly dislikes the question "So,
what’s it like being a black guy in Silicon Valley?" since I could easily see
it being a gesture of wanting to engage from someone who doesn't know how to
otherwise engage.

You regularly see white people "embarrass" themselves by engaging on this
topic in the "wrong" way, even if they have the right intentions, without a
clear idea of what to do (e.g. Howard Schulz, Macklemore, etc.) ("White
People. Don't talk about racism." "White People. You have to lead the
conversation on race.") Given such limited upside and very significant
downsides, it's no surprise that the vast majority of white people refuse to
engage on the issue, even if they actually do want to contribute positively.

I myself follow this rule religiously -- I run a small startup in Silicon
Valley, with male and female engineers, all white, Asian, and one Latino. But
I'd rather chew on broken glass than ever discuss any "controversial" topic,
such as diversity, racism, Black Lives Matter, Donald Trump, immigration, etc.
etc. -- I just will not discuss it in any context and in any forum, because
there's nothing to gain and too much to lose.

------
thegayngler
I just have a complex about being a good enough front end engineer. Otherwise
I dont mind if people refer to me as the black guy and I love watermelon. I
get people mixed up all the time so Im not offended if someone mistakes me for
another black guy.

~~~
roninb
I never understood this stereotype. Yes, my entire family and I love fried
chicken, who the hell doesn't??? I wonder how different things would be if the
stereotype was pizza, cake, or some other universally loved foodstuffs.

~~~
iamdave
Probably not so much with things like chicken legs and wings _per se_ , but
'soul food' (or at least certain offerings) have their roots going back to
sharecropping and late slavery (probably even throughout the entirety of the
American slave trade) where certain scraps of meat and animal deemed
"unfit/unsavory" for the plantation family to eat were given to the slaves to
feast on and were eventually integrated as part of the culinary tradition of
Black Americans.

I would imagine, without going too far down the research rabbit hole (because
this is a close topic to me being both black and a lover of food history in
general) that the whole "fried chicken and watermelon" thing are likely poorly
understood branches coming from that evolutionary tract.

~~~
roninb
I totally agree and have read supporting evidence backing your entire first
paragraph. But I've never seen that evidence suggest chicken and watermelon
fell into the chitterlings and ham hock category.

~~~
iamdave
Yeah that's why I say I think it's just a misunderstood thing coming from that
tract; meaning over time casual associations of certain food groups now
considered "staples" of soul food became less and less understood and
discussed along with other aspects of that era of time to the point where
foods that were never there to begin with got tossed in, no one checked it and
everyone else ran with it.

Take Huey P. Newton for example, I've had plenty of frank, honest and open
discussions with individuals who want to tell me everything they know about
Huey P. Newton and his "radical-ness" and his "anger" and his "passion" as a
Black Panther because of whatever oral tradition they've had passed down to
them informing their viewpoint of the man-but it never goes very far beyond
surface-level descriptions, and rarer still his philosophies or doctoral
essays. Substitute Newton with James Baldwin, Clarence Thomas, MLK, heck even
Dr. Cornel West.

I think the same unfortunate blurring of the culinary traditions of Black
Americana has happened re: Fried Chicken and Watermelon-thin, surface-level
oral traditions passed down time and time again until we got where we are now
"Fried chicken, watermelon and purple koolaid" are for good or ill tied into
every conversation of "black foods".

~~~
roninb
Thanks for clarifying. I can see exactly what you're talking about when I hear
people talk about how Malcolm X needed to die because he wanted to kill all
whites as if he wasn't excommunicated for preaching peace and unity after his
pilgrimage.

------
reddytowns
I have social anxiety, and I have to admit that one of the triggers my anxiety
is teenage and young adult black men.

I feel for this guy and I realize that I'm part of the cause of his problem,
but I don't know what I can do about it.

~~~
l0b0
I always thought the most lasting remedy for xenophobia would be to simply
have more to do with the group in question on a regular basis. At that point
the brain, hardwired to fear the unknown no matter how much your rational bits
protest that it's being unreasonable, has time to readjust your gut reaction.
Then you'll _instinctively_ (rather than rationally) treat each of "them" as
individuals with an irrelevant common trait rather than just a specimen of a
homogeneous group linked to negative statistics and over-reported incidents.

Of course, if your particular lifestyle doesn't result in you getting to know
anyone in the specific group naturally, it's probably impossible to fix that
gut reaction. Humans are very much slaves to their instincts.

------
preordained
Everyone just has to stop caring, honestly. About race. If you are
racist...well, that's an instant loss obviously. If you are deathly afraid to
be racist and want to be politically correct (read: hyper race-conscious), you
are unwittingly reenforcing separation and division and boundaries. I truly
believe that overthinking it is what keeps us from getting over it.

------
jimmywanger
One note:

Four of the things he has grown accustomed to experiencing are feelings. (e.g.
Feeling relieved when people don’t verbally address the fact that I’m Black
Feeling out of place when I can’t identify with certain pop culture references
or cultural norms (like being able to swim, liking baseball, listening to
rock/country or playing golf), because I grew up differently Feeling like I
have something to prove because I’m Black Feeling like I was chosen for
certain photo/video opportunities at work and during other activities to feign
diversity and acceptance)

We cannot be responsible for how other people feel. Feeling alienated and out
of place is something that's common for all people.

Once you have an inner locus of control, things flow more naturally. If you
think of your feelings as subject to the whims of the external world, then you
are always going to be in a world of hurt, no matter what color you are. You
can always find a reason to feel bad about yourself.

~~~
dragonwriter
> We cannot be responsible for how other people feel.

I don't recall him asking anyone else to be responsible for how he feels. (And
each of those describes an event that he has _also_ become used to -- in one
case implicitly by opposition to the one triggering the feeling. In some cases
those actions are ones for which someone else might reasonably be responsible
-- though, again, he's describing his experience, not saying anyone should be
responsible for those experiences.)

------
ryanlm
> At a certain point in my life, I realized that I had no positive role models
> (let alone ones I could relate to), so I > set out to become a positive role
> model for my siblings.

This is the best part I took from this. I don't believe I have many positive
role models in my life that align to my goals.

------
meira
Great article. My experience as a software engineer in Brazil is very similar.

~~~
otaviokz
Hi mate. I'm Brazilian as well (deve as well), but white as it gets. I always
wanted to hear from a black person about their experiences in general (not
only in IT industry). I never asked for 2 reasons: 1 - very few black
colleagues, 2 - afraid of sounding condescending or that the guy may not want
to talk about it.

It's very sad to see how few "majority" people are able to observe the
obstacles faced by any minority and, in the case of Brazil and UK (where I
live now), black people.

I was very nice to read about the author's experiences and how he felt about
it because it gives me a bit of insight on this matter. At least now I know I
was right about not asking "how is it to be a black guy at..." hahaha

------
spraak
I'm really glad to see this on the top page of HN.

~~~
justinlardinois
I'm really happy to see a bunch of positive and supportive comments as well;
anything about identity can be a bit of a minefield on this site sometimes.

Even most of the the not-so-good comments are well-intentioned, even if
ignorant.

------
notliketherest
I'm sorry but black people are responsible for an inordinately larger
proportion of criminal activity than those of other skin color. Being "wary"
of a black person you see on the street (probably not dressed in a suit but
perhaps in gangster like clothes) will make anyone feel uncomfortable. This is
human nature and essential to survival. This is not racism.

~~~
vkou
What are gangster-like clothes? A hoodie? Is it only gangster-like clothing if
its worn by a black person?

What are the odds that any particular black person is a gangster? What are the
odds that any particular white person is a gangster? How is near-zero
different from near-zero?

~~~
notliketherest
You're over complicating this. You know exact what I'm talking about or else
you live under a rock.

------
ricogallo
I would love to say that Italy is not a racist country. But it is. Still, your
words convey a deeper gap and racial segregation in the US.

I feel sorry you had borne all these wounds to your social identity, but I'm
sure one day we will tackle the very roots of inequality and bigotry.

------
zarkov99
I do not think anything in the essay is surprising. There can be no doubt that
in absence of other information, everybody uses whatever is immediately
discernible, such as race, age, gender, attire, height, athleticism, beauty,
etc, to modulate behavior. A sane individual will improve the accuracy of the
initial rough assessment as more information becomes available. What else
could anyone be reasonably expected to do? Ignore whatever they learned about
the world and treat every individual exactly the same regardless of their
outside characteristics as if these outside characteristics gave absolutely no
clue about what kind of behavior is appropriate ? That seems impossibly
stupid.

------
sebringj
I was never good at knowing someone's perspective prior to having experienced
it. The common pattern throughout my life has been once I have experienced it,
I'll tend to feel much more empathy than I would prior to someone in that
situation. The problem is in this case, I'm white well mostly at least in the
cultural sense I look it so its not going to be something where I will ever be
able to properly empathize. I'm all for justice and equality etc. regardless
so more of that please.

------
vitd
Another great essay on the same topic from someone who works in VC in Silicon
Valley:

[https://medium.com/@Mandela/my-white-boss-talked-about-
race-...](https://medium.com/@Mandela/my-white-boss-talked-about-race-in-
america-and-this-is-what-happened-fe10f1a00726#.ttvqs4gd4)

------
ufo
> The ones in bold are the ones that have affected me the most.

I was surprised that some of the things in the list that I would have though
to be the most innocuous turned out to be the ones that actually affected him
the most. I guess this goes to show that its the little but pervasive things
that hurt the most.

------
itisbiz
When applying for US jobs I am always a bit startled by the questions that ask
me to categorize myself by race. I know this is meant to protect against bias
in hiring but you are forced to categorize yourself with each application. It
makes it hard to just be people applying for a job.

------
shams93
The dynmaic in los angeles is quite different. For one thing white people in
the industry are the minority. Hollywood is heavily white but outside of
hollywood jobs im always a minority to an asian majority.

------
projectramo
This was a huge surprise, and it was in bold:

"Feeling out of place when I can’t identify with certain pop culture
references or cultural norms (like being able to swim, liking baseball,
listening to rock/country or playing golf), because I grew up differently."

I know many people of all kinds that don't know how to swim, that don't like
basketball or listen to country or play golf. In fact, I would say a minority
of the people I know do all these things and I'm not even sure most people I
know do most of these things.

I can't draw a larger conclusion at the moment (I am sure the larger HN
community has many ideas), but I don't think you should feel awkward about
this.

p.s. I didn't know who LeBron James was in 2009.

~~~
GuiA
[https://xkcd.com/385/](https://xkcd.com/385/)

If you're a white person who doesn't know how to swim and it gets brought up
in conversation, your interlocutors might be a bit surprised - because
swimming is a somewhat common skill in 2016 in most parts of the world - but
that'll be the extent of it.

However, it is my understanding that if you're a black person who doesn't know
how to swim and it gets brought up in conversation, you get to hear semi-
frequently something along the lines of "oh yeah that's right, black people
can't swim" (not necessarily that explicitly stated, but you get the idea).

I hope you can see why it might problematic to repeatedly have this kind of
interactions in your life.

~~~
ralfd
What a strange stereotype. Why do people in the U.S. think blacks can't swim?

~~~
justinlardinois
I'm guessing it's related to segregation, specifically public pools. Swimming
is commonly learned in a pool, so if you don't have access to one it would be
hard to lean.

Obviously it's pretty outdated, but stereotypes are rarely concerned with
accuracy.

------
hoju
> Being told by cab drivers that I’m the first Black person they’ve ever had a
> positive encounter with

Seems then part of the problem is behaviour of other black people

------
maerF0x0
being big is going to invoke more fear in smaller people. Size is correlated
with ability to bring the pain (see: weight classes in MMA). Of course, your
color should have nothing to do with it though.

ie: Its natural to be afraid of big people. Its racist to be afraid of only
big people who are black.

~~~
Throwaway585250
As someone who is extremely tall, it's not very nice to see people crossing
the street to avoid you at night. How is making statistical inferences using
my height any more justified than making statistical inferences using my race?

The notion of justifiable discrimination will take you to a very scary place
if you apply it consistently.

~~~
vacri
I'm a 6'6" mesomorph, and never been in a fight in my life, not even in the
schoolyard. I'm used to people being a bit apprehensive of me on a lonely
street, and sometimes if I'm behind a woman and we're walking about the same
pace, I'll cross the road to avoid potentially stressing them out. When people
meet me and make some reference to me being someone 'not to mess with' because
I'm big, I tell them that most big guys are teddybears, and to think of other
big guys they know (I stress _most_ , but not _all_ ). Almost invariably,
their face shows that the light-bulb clicks, as they can't think of any
aggressive big guys amongst their friends.

So I'm used to _one_ of the things listed in this article. I'm fine with this
preconception people have, as it's not that much of a problem on it's own, and
it's easy to take it in my stride. However, it's the gestalt of all those
things that the author is talking about that is the problem. They all work
together, and if I experienced all of those working against me, I'd feel
unfairly treated as well. "People fear me unfairly on the street? No worries,
I'll be at work soon, and I don't have to deal with that shit there..."

~~~
Throwaway585250
I may not have been clear. I don't feel particularly discriminated and don't
really care in any case. It's incredibly minor.

However, I strongly object to the idea that it's okay to discriminate based on
unalterable characteristics as long as you're not discriminating against a
member of a legally protected group.

------
tonelocamotion
I'm a 6'6", 260 lbs. white guy and roughly 80% of these things happen to me
too. Crazy.

------
devishard
As a white man, I definitely think that the problems of gender in tech are
still huge and I'd like to help address them. But I also feel like I can't
help, because people, both black _and_ white, are so tense about race. As a
white man, literally even talking about race is risking being called a racist.
And god forbid I have an actual opinion that might disagree with a person of
color--even though people of color don't even agree on everything.

For example, I think that the reason people mistake the author of this piece
for other black men is that white people have spent most of their lives around
other white people, so they become accustomed to the kinds of differences in
facial features that white people have. We have less practice differentiating
between the facial features of black people, so naturally we're going to be
worse at it. It's not malicious or racist.

And in my lifetime, I've had a few people just outright say to me that all
white people look the same to them. Which isn't offensive--it's because they
grew up around people who looked like them, and have less practice
differentiating between white people.

But tensions are so high, that this innocuous common mistake is seen as
discrimination _merely because it 's related to race_, not because of any
malice or even intent behind it. And I'm quite sure that many people would
call me racist for even having the opinion that mistaking people of color for
other people of color isn't racist. Even though it could actually be helpful
to people of color. If people of color see that white people don't have
trouble recognizing you because they dislike you, but because you literally
look different from people who they have practice recognizing, that might
encourage confidence.

And to be clear, I'm not complaining. It doesn't hurt me at all to keep my
mouth shut, and not say anything on the topic of race. The only people who are
hurt by my not helping are people of color. Which sucks, but is the result of
how tense people (both black _and_ white) are about race.

In short, everyone (of all colors) should chill out and focus more on the
problems that are clearly problems, not just assuming anything any white
person says or does that is race related is racist. That just alienates allies
and makes people of color feel hurt.

EDIT: I do want to point out that while I don't think mistaking one person of
color for another is racist, I _do_ think that many of the behaviors the
writer of this piece pointed out _are_ racist. I don't want to say that what
the author wrote is all incorrect or invalidate his opinion.

EDIT 2: A flurry of downvotes without responses prove my point--people can't
point out logically why they think I'm racist, but they downvote to express
that they think I am. :)

~~~
antisthenes
> And in my lifetime, I've had a few people just outright say to me that all
> white people look the same to them. Which isn't offensive--it's because they
> grew up around people who looked like them, and have less practice
> differentiating between white people.

Honestly, all people look mostly the same to me. The only ones that stand out
are the beautiful ones. If you ask me to mentally visualize faces of people
I've seen during the past few days or weeks, the ones that will stand out the
most will be the attractive ones (regardless of race, although being white, I
am a tad biased).

The other ones who stand out will be people with features similar to mine,
from a certain European ethnicity.

However I grew up in an area which has 4 towns that are the most racially
diverse in the US, so I may be accustomed to all the races, so I have to find
other features that stand out more (Probably 99% of my days I see people of
all races, and probably from every continent as well)

------
logicallee
This seems as good a place as any to post something I've been thinking of. (It
doesn't really have anything to do with the story, just is on topic
generally.)

I'd like to do a small study personally, that should take me about 10-20
hours, and I'd like people's feedback here about what they think about the
methodology.

\- First, I'd put together ten generic keyword-laden resumes using machine
learning from a large dataset - which means it should somewhat reflect an
"average" programmer, without representing anyone in particular. It will
literally therefore be the creation of a non-existent person.

\- Next I would edit it by hand so that it doesn't seem grossly machine-
generated. At this point I'm still blinded, and I'd have ten programmer
resumes.

\- Next I would generate a separate list of common first names and surnames.
Since most people are white, likely most names are somewhat white but this
shouldn't be that relevant, also given that people have the right to change
their name legally. The importance of this is that with such generic names, it
is almost certain that there are a large number of programmers with that name,
and so googling by the employer won't point to anyone in particular. At this
point I have ten resumes and ten names.

\- Finally, I would find stock art of a generic black man and generic white
man. I would try to pick neutral images that if I were such a person I could
actually have taken of myself, and may actually use on a resume. I would only
just find two, since the goal of the experiment would be to do A/B testing on
just the effect of this image. This is what is being studied.

\- For the experiment itself, I would create email addresses for the ten
names, and write cover letters that match the ten resumes.

\- From each email I would email twenty-thirty companies based on a keyword
search from the associated resumes for positions that seem a match. I'd be
careful to pick all different companies.

\- I'd carefully rewrite the cover letters (in my own voice) about how excited
I'd be to work there and what a great match the position seems to me, as they
can see from the attached resume.

\- Finally, and this is the tricky part, when actually attaching the resume,
in a blinded way I will use a script to insert either the black or the white
man's picture. I must not see it in order for this to be a doubly blinded
experiment. This is actually easy to do technically: .docx files are just .zip
files, you can rename them, change the image in the zip file, and zip it back.
I don't need to record anywhere which of the two the script chose (randomly),
because as soon as I send it it will be in the sent folder.

The same name and resume must go to a mix of companies, some being sent the
picture with a black man, some being sent the picture with the white man.
Since I'd be careful not to email the same companies, it doesn't matter if the
same name/resume is sent to some companies as a black man and some companies
as a white man.

What my prediction is, is that the picture will have a statistically
significant effect on emails back. (I don't want to bother setting up ten real
phone numbers, what a pain, so the phone number will have to be omitted from
the resumes.)

Now, this method isn't perfect. For example, real programmers frequently have
github profiles or a large online presence. Still, by sticking to the most
common of common names, perhaps there should be enough of a profile to be
worth an email back, especially given an enthusiastic cover letter, even if
they can't find this programmer in particular.

Finally, after the experiment the recipients could be informed that they were
part of a study. But perhaps this is not so important. After all, if they
don't email back they likely have forgotten about the resume, and even if they
do, if the applicant does not answer their email then the applicant must
simply be busy with other offers.

Of course, for authenticity purposes, it would be better not to share this
methodology here, where some people might read it and be tipped off.

But given that I am not certain that I am doing things right, and haven't run
an experiment in the social sciences before, while at the same time I've heard
many people here report on experimental methodology, I thought I would run
this methodology past the HN crowd. What do you think? Is it scientifically
well-constructed? Is it possible for it to show an A/B effect?

Short of literally reusing people's real resumes with a fake image, I don't
know of any way to improve this proposed methodology.

-> Shall I run the experiment?

-> Is there anything I can do to improve it?

-> Would the results be meaningful in either case? (If it does show a statistically significant deviation in email-back percentages, and if it doesn't.)

Thanks for any thoughts.

~~~
Pinatubo
Good idea, but someone beat you to it:

[http://www.nber.org/digest/sep03/w9873.html](http://www.nber.org/digest/sep03/w9873.html)

~~~
logicallee
Thanks. I think I read that study (or a report about it.) But I didn't like it
so much. (Maybe that study inspired the idea for my study - I don't remember.)

The reason I don't like that study as much is because it's about people's
names. But people's names do in fact reflect the level of education of their
families, and in an extreme case they can choose a new name if they want. The
poster we're reading about, for example, is called "Richard Smith". (Whether
by birth or a name that he adopted doesn't really matter.) I like names. If on
a dating site I were given, sight unseen, the chance to view an Octavia or a
Hermine I would choose it over any Susan or Latisha. Because it seems to me
much more likely that Hermine would be educated and interesting.

Does this make Hermine a racial name?

Why couldn't Hermine (or Octavia) be black? In fact they could.

So I would say that the effect of a person's name, and a picture showing them
as black, are, as this blog post already shows, somewhat orthogonal. Richard
Smith isn't a "black name", but this poster had a black experience.

It's also quite important to point out that parents have almost complete
choice over what to name their children. As some linguist pointed out, it's
one of the few times that people get to name something (someone) in the world!

So I don't like it as a signal. A picture is much more pure. And also not
something anyone can change.

Finally, in my case I'm specifically interested in programmers and tech. So my
small "study" would be very targeted.

I'm still very interested if anyone has any comments about the methodology.
I've never done any social science research before (well not formally anyway),
and I'd be very curious if I'd be making some mistake in the methodology that
I could avoid.

~~~
Pinatubo
> But people's names do in fact reflect the level of education of their
> families, and in an extreme case they can choose a new name if they want.

Good point -- I hadn't thought of that. But wouldn't the resume reflect the
actual education of the applicant? Maybe the discrimination against names you
describe is cultural, which could also be of interest in the tech world ("this
guy wouldn't fit in with us").

I did see a study on the success rates of people that had changed their names
to be less "ethnic," and it was high, but of course there's a self-selection
problem, since someone would have to be a very motivated person to change
their name to get ahead.

One disadvantage of using pictures is that it makes race immediately apparent,
and people might deliberately change their behavior to not appear racist.
Maybe they offer an interview to the black candidate to check off a box on the
HR form, even if they'd never hire him/her.

Anyway, just some thoughts -- I'd love to see the results of the study here on
HN if you manage to pull it off!

~~~
logicallee
thanks! oooh, excellent point about deliberately changing behvaior to offer
interviews (which can be patronizing.) Now I really, really, really, _really_
want to see the results of my study. I am 100% putting it on my plate, this
should be doable. I've got this :)

------
EurotrashExpat
Hi Richard, good to have you in SF! Expat here, living in SF for the past 2
years. Throwaway, because America.

There are three major things entangled here:

> I thought it was normal to feel apologetic that I may have looked or seemed
> “threatening” to passersby, if I thought I invoked any feelings of fear or
> discomfort in my presence.

* Personal observation: people who move to SF, for reasons that I speculate to include _baseline niceness_, weather, and lack of generally bad things happening to them become after a while really socially, self-conscious, and apologetic. This spikes, but never really goes away, until you go somewhere else, and get hit by a stranger.

Except...

* There is a massive homeless problem in SF, compounded with mental illnesses, and visible behavioristic problems. Speaking strictly of personal observation, a homeless of a race do not hit one of the same race, which means all those white dudes? yeah, they've been shouted, and crapped at by persons of color.

* People are also, psychologically, can't reliably distinguish people of other races prior to knowing a few members of them personally for an extended period of time. This is not uniformally distributed. People who care about you matter. The average Joe down the street does not.

This checks the "why" on racism, and judgement. Which leads us straight
into...

* There is a structural incentive problem in how information ecologies replicate themselves, and feeds to action under conditions of visible racial differences, that is best summed up here: [https://i.imgur.com/yjfiYG2.png](https://i.imgur.com/yjfiYG2.png) . Essentially, ideas which cause anger, and anxiety have a _higher delta-replication rate, than every other piece of information any human being can imagine up, ever_.

* This article of yours? Yeah, it's essentially tapping into the same reaction by referencing it (as evidenced by the number of comments here). This is counter to your own verbalised preferences. The two most notable summaries of this effect can be found at: * [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE3j_RHkqJc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rE3j_RHkqJc) This Video Will Make You Angry * [http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/12/17/the-toxoplasma-of-rage/](http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/12/17/the-toxoplasma-of-rage/)

For this reason, here is what you can, actually, do about stuff:

* Get off the toxoplasma. Unfollow people who replicate stuff, which makes you feel compelled to react to hatred.

* IF you read something, which makes you feel hatred, ALWAYS, always check the source. In case of law, read the original statement made by court. In case of newsreports, why are you watching newsreports? see 1. Not enough? open up newsreports 5 years ago, and determine how relevant is whatever they are writing to the now-you.

* BE THE SYSTEMATIC CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. Does writing " I felt like I had to say something. Anything" solves problems directly? No. Does it suddenly induces fear into >20K people? Heck yes. Does it also generates you traffic? Yes. (you see the incentive problem here?) But is it quality traffic, that will convert? Only to other fear-inducing things. Is this the sort of system you want to increase? If not, can you take that ~40 minutes of writing an article into planning? If not, can you code, and donate whatever you've made in that same 40 minutes? Both hacks at the joints of the problem, instead of escalating it.

~~~
lotso
Would you tell Ta-Nehisi Coates or James Baldwin to take action instead of
writing about their experiences? Writing is a perfectly fine way of taking
action.

We don't even know what the writer does in his spare time. He might be doing
those things already.

------
nickpsecurity
These are interesting. As usual, I have some points from personal experience
as a white minority and others just general. His bullet list is mostly good to
illustrate what he's describing as racial bias affecting him. However, a few
got my attention more than others.

"Being mistaken for another Black person at work"

This is common and should be expected by any minority anywhere if significant
differences exist between how two groups identify their members. The reason is
that intuitive parts of the brain work based on what input they've received so
far. They generalize the patterns out of the data, especially relevant vs data
to ignore. Then, they use that for classifying or reacting to new data.
Further, what varies the most on Black people is different than what varies
the most on white people. Both sides get used to focusing on details important
in their area. Simply put, these people probably see very few Black people,
look for different traits for identifying them, and therefore suck at
differentiating Black people in a casual way (i.e. not focusing).

Just need more Black people in Silicon Valley to increase exposure. Then, this
problem starts going away. Meanwhile, it's somethign that sucks a bit but
isn't necessarily racism. Just how the mind works that forces a person to work
to get noticed & remembered. Happens to me, too, since I intentionally look
plain (but nice) to differentiate which people are worth my time. People even
trip over me in stores sometimes because they can't remember they saw me.
Unless I wear a hoodie: almost everyone, esp cops, sees me then haha.

"Being asked things like, “So, what’s it like being a Black guy in Silicon
Valley?”"

May be good or bad. Many people are curious about others' experiences. Yet,
despite this being a problem, he's writing an article on what it's like being
a Black guy in Silicon Valley. He feels better getting it out of his system
and possibly hopes to help others understand the perspective. Similar to why
some ask. They can't ask but do tell.

"Feeling out of place when I can’t identify with certain pop culture
references or cultural norms"

That's due to both location and race. It was very hard to keep up with the
Black ones as a white minority since both the references and the language
itself change so fast. I stayed confused by something even when I got a lot of
it. Just nodded, grinned, or looked shocked like the rest. So, I relate to
this one as a painful, social barrier that will persist unless he embeds a lot
with white culture and activities as I had to do with Blacks. It will still
persist but he'll have it easier since whites prefer people acting more like
them. It's the opposite with Blacks, at least in the South, where they often
get angry if whites imitate their culture.

"Being the most athletic person in a particular group, and having people say
things like, “…of course it would be the Black guy”"

Black people have been telling me for years they're better at sports. All
kinds of them young and old. This is one of those things, though, that I
wonder if Blacks themselves put into white consciousness. I wondered it myself
at one point as a kid thanks to them repeating it nonstop. Especially over
basketball and boxing. I'm not sure how long or far Blacks have been saying it
due to lack of broader data. Could be white sourcing, too.

"Feeling like I was chosen for certain photo/video opportunities at work and
during other activities to feign diversity and acceptance"

This one is more open for debate as it looks totally racist at first. Then,
you have to think of all the lawsuits by Jesse Jackson et al where they look
at number of Black people, what they make, what words people used, what
relationships were like, and so on to argue for massive, financial damages.
These events are probably the rare case but will be on media enough to put
them into white, management's minds. You also look many Blacks pushing for
affirmative action or voluntary quotas to "embrace diversity." With that
backdrop, many will try to reduce liability, improve image, or both by hiring
some more Blacks or other minorities. They'll also try to show it so people
notice. So, this is another case where specific groups of Blacks and/or
liberals in general act in a way that, combined with media and whites' own
thinking, collectively increases odds Black people might be treated this way.
I even warned them it would happen when I opposed most forms of affirmative
action & associated liabilities.

Those being hired might be anything from "token hires" to the minority member
among several qualified candidates. The latter isn't so bad but the former can
make for very, bad situation. This dynamic sucks for all the races and any
solution I've presented came with realistic objections from some party
involved. One I promoted a long time ago a combo of blind auditions &
performance reviews from third party along with, if even applied, quotas only
for qualified candidates that resulted from auditions. Everyone, whether ideal
candidate or not, will know they earned their place with race/gender having
minimal impact. Tricky thing to promote for many reasons. Given that, it was
extra-neat for me reading here about GapJumpers putting similar ideas in
action. Time will tell...

"At a certain point in my life, I realized that I had no positive role models
(let alone ones I could relate to), so I set out to become a positive role
model for my siblings. I didn’t want them to have to resort to gangs,
violence, or go looking for love to find ways to identify with others and gain
acceptance. I wanted them to learn to love themselves, and learn to love &
empathize with others."

Should've been the conclusion. This is _exactly_ how the most awesome and
successful Blacks formed in the down-trodden areas I was in. Probably most
from any race if I thought about it more. Just was studying Blacks more as
they were the majority. I just noticed, in hateful schools, there were people
that were different. They treated whites as well as anyone else, judging on
words and actions. Nothing could hold them back academically with some
exceeding me with sheer determination & effort. Later learned their parents
and role models, including some teachers, were probably the reason. So, I wish
the man success on helping his siblings achieve greatness by teaching _and
showing_ them. Great stuff.

------
hyperliner
Old but relevant: KTLA Anchor Apologizes After Mistaking Samuel L. Jackson for
Laurence Fishburne (Video)

[http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/ktla-anchor-
apolo...](http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/ktla-anchor-apologizes-
mistaking-samuel-679048)

~~~
alexandercrohde
Mistaking people is an interesting one because it's totally not-deliberate.
I'm a bearded-redhead who's been mistaken with another bearded-redhead at the
place I work, but I try not to read too deeply into it.

I just think learning to differentiate faces is just a function of experience
and I don't read into it, and I hope others don't read into it when I make
mistakes.

------
update
One question: 127 comments. How many from black people?

------
Torgo
>It’s equally crazy how much more comfortable I feel around other Black people

You've almost figured it out.

~~~
PhasmaFelis
Not sure what you mean.

~~~
sremani
I do not know how to put delicately, but people easily feel comfortable in
groups that are genetically similar to them.

~~~
theseoafs
Seriously?

~~~
sremani
You have anything to debunk other than some snide remark. Yes, people feel
comfortable in their ethnic groups, that does mean they do not have friends
outside of it or inter-marry. Look around yourself, and spare me of snark.

------
nsxwolf
"Being told by cab drivers that they’re the first Black person they’ve ever
had a positive encounter with"

So either the cab drivers are lying and saying that line to every black person
they encounter for some reason I can't fathom -- or they're being honest about
their experiences.

"Being asked things like, “So, what’s it like being a black guy in Silicon
Valley?”"

And yet you wrote a blog post to tell us what it's like. I read it because I
was interested, but does my interest therefore mean that mean I'm actually
part of the problem?

"Feeling like I was chosen for certain photo/video opportunities at work and
during other activities to feign diversity and acceptance"

You probably were. That sucks, but it's one of those damned if you do/don't
things. If they don't do it, somebody's going to accuse them of something.

