

Have you ever felt "trapped"? - ivan30

Right now I'm feeling a little bit "trapped" mentally and emotionally. I have a very demanding full time job with a company whose values don't match mine. I have several interesting ideas for a startup that could generate some revenue on the side in hopes that it may lead to me being able to quit my job (or at least find a less demanding one), but I seem to be in this viscious cycle of never being able to muster up the motivation to actually start working on my ideas. After I'm done a gruelling day at work and have dealt with all of the other responsibilities in my life (I'm married and have a mortgage, but no kids), I'm just too exhausted to get to work on any of my "side" ideas.<p>Have any of you ever been in a similar situation? Did you find a workable solution? Is it just a matter of wanting it bad enough to work through your exhaustion and give your ideas the time they deserve?
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joshu
I have been. I was working full time at a brokerage. It was very draining. I
worked on my project for two years, every night, sometimes just for fifteen
minutes at a time.

You need to just get started. 15 minutes every day.

You are going to have to learn how to be more efficient elsewhere. You're
going to have to be ruthlessly efficient with your projects, too. Beware
engineering meanders. [An entire world of learning goes here. Too long to
write. Maybe someday I should. You'll have to pick it up too.]

I find that when I'm too tired to work, it's a temporary feeling - if you
power through it, and do JUST 15 minutes of work, you can do another 15, and
then another hour, and then go pass out.

You can do it.

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icey
You're exhausted and showing signs of burning out.

I'd recommend taking some vacation time to do nothing. If you can't do that,
then you need to find another job that is less stressful to you.

Maybe even consider taking a job that you would ordinarily consider "boring",
so that you have the energy to work on your ideas.

With your current situation, all you can really do is stress yourself out even
more.

~~~
CyberFonic
Yup! Burn-out Zone ! Take some time out, chill, assess what you want out of
life. Some questions to consider :

"Demanding full time job": who is doing the demanding, your boss? you? co-
workers? How can you deflect or reduce the demands?

"A company whose values don't match mine": why are you stil working there?
Life's too short to be stuck in self-invalidation.

Like you, I couldn't get enough energy together after work to productively
work on my side project. So I downsized and quit. The side project has turned
into full-time PhD research and a consulting business. Haven't regretted
taking the leap. For me, happiness is doing what I'm passionate and interested
in. The big mortgage was just a trap to keep me working for The Man.

~~~
brandon272
Do you have a family to support?

~~~
CyberFonic
YES! We are a team!

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RobGR
I have been there, it took a long to force myself to leave the situation.

A wise man said about overly restrictive religous regulations, "Sabbath was
made for Man, not Man for the Sabbath", meaning the rules of rest on Sunday
and etc are meant to make our lives better, we were not created to suffer for
the glorification of some set of rules.

A job is supposed to make your life better -- steady income, you can have more
stuff, etc. If it is taking up too much time, requires you to live where you
don't want to (my case), then the job is not doing it's job.

A house and mortgage are supposed to make your life better. You live in a
nicer place, you can observe your equity and wealth increasing month by month,
you have more freedom to change your house or take up hobbies that you might
not do in a rented house. If the mortgage requires you work too much to enjoy
the house, the mortgage isn't doing it's job.

I'm not advising making any rash decisions like going full hippy or something,
but in a more gradual and moderate way, you can feel out your boss about
working four days a week; look at your life and cut some spending, ditching
the house and renting if that is what gives greater freedom and security; etc.

Careers and houses aren't worth that much. They don't hang around that long or
increase in value that much in the long run. If you look at the number of
times the average American moves or switches careers, any helathy cat or dog
will outlive your current career and house. They just aren't worth giving up
life long dreams or health for. Now your marriage, that could be different.

Try suggesting to your boss that you will commit to being in the office 10
hours a day, but need every Friday off. When he shoots it down, wait a week
and then suggest trying it only one week a month.

Also, take your ideas and break them up into extremely small tasks, that take
an hour or less. If you can look down a TODO list and see something quickly
achievable, that can get you going even when you are exhausted.

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alex_c
After one of our contractors suddenly quit, left the country, and dramatically
changed his lifestyle, my old manager started to joke that in the future he'll
only ever hire people with a mortgage.

What do you value the most?

Slightly more practical advice - this depends entirely on your situation, but
what about consulting? If you can transition to that and still make enough to
cover the mortgage, you should have much more control over your schedule.

Along the same lines - I once worked with someone who was only working 4 days
a week. Why? Simply because he asked. It didn't affect his role on the team,
or his effectiveness, he just wasn't there one day a week. If you're willing
to take a 20% pay cut, it's an option to consider.

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trafficlight
I'm in the exact same situation right now.

I have two projects that are actually making money(!) but not enough for my
wife and I to live off of. I would really like to find a programmer to work
with, but I can't afford that either. Or rather, I'm not sure what other
options I have so I can afford somebody.

I know there needs be a leap of faith somewhere, but I don't how high or even
where to jump.

~~~
brandon272
"but I don't how high or even where to jump."

I think this stems from not wanting to put your family in an unnecessary and
risky situation, and having to reconcile whether your career choices are made
for your benefit or for your whole family.

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ph0rque
Wow... my situation exactly, except I have kids but no mortgage.

Any advice would be appreciated.

