
Married to a Doll: Why One Man Advocates Synthetic Love - rosser
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/09/married-to-a-doll-why-one-man-advocates-synthetic-love/279361/
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CamperBob2
_It actually didn 't take me too long to regard Shi-chan as a person, and not
simply a (sex object); it occurred pretty much when I opened her crate for the
first time._

I'll take "Opening lines from novels I wish I'd written" for $200, Alex...

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hawkharris
My gut reaction to this story is to judge Davecat because, honestly, the
concept of coming home to an apartment with a "synthetic woman" has a Steven
King novel quality to it.

But...when I try to get past that to offer a constructive comment, I can see
one way in which the dolls are appealing. Having been in a longterm
relationship (with an organic woman), I appreciate what Davecat called
"consistencies" — the idea that another person will simply be present when you
get home from work.

After a while, I think, we learn to appreciate our partners' company without
needing to speak or be doing things constantly. And I can see how a humanized
object could serve that purpose for people who're unwilling or who don't want
the added responsibilities of having an "organic" partner.

~~~
jacquesm
Stephen King? How about Ira Levin?

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jacquesm
If your view on relationships is one-dimensional and you don't actually
respect the people around you, then yes, by all means replace them with a
doll. Maybe you could have some doll children while you're at it. And if you
really want to go all out, a theme park sized place to live equipped with
nothing but dolls.

Synthetic love is one-way, you can't really advocate for it without saying a
lot about yourself, about how you value relationships with other people and
about the total lack of respect and futility of your life.

I prefer the people around me to be hot-blooded, real life, complex and
interesting human beings. If you're reading this article and you're thinking
'wow, that's just the ticket for me', please take my advice, shut down your
computer for a couple of months and spend all the money that you have
travelling. Being around people and interacting with them is the best cure for
this kind of funk.

~~~
ljf
Because that is always good advice for a depressed person 'get over it and do
something new'... I take it you've not suffered from medical depression or
anxiety?

It's easy to think people can just snap out of their worries and issues, but
do you really think that advice to someone with what seems to be serious
people issues is going to be productive?

~~~
jacquesm
And you think that living with dolls is good advice for a depressed person?

He didn't strike me as depressed, just completely lacking in empathy.

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teebrz
To be fair this guy is probably not as far out there as you might think.
Consider for one that quite a lot of people believe in transubstantiation; a
bit of bread and wine becomes the body of their savior. I don't think this is
too far from that, this doll becomes in some way a real companion for him.

Likewise, his little invented back-stories for his dolls are not so materially
different than say my relationship with my girlfriend. I don't and can't truly
know my girlfriends existence; everything I know about her is basically a
story I tell myself based on the things she says to me and what I assume or
surmise myself. If it turned out one of these days that she had been
completely and totally dishonest with me about who she was - everything I
thought I knew about her was not true - in a lot of ways our relationship
would have been just as much a fantasy as Davecats.

I'm not prepared to go in for it myself, or even consider it totally healthy
and desirable...but he seems to have a good handle on it and I wouldn't be too
quick to judge him. Maybe he is a little nuts, but so are most people I have
met.

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eCa
Another fictional story with similar love interests is Lars and the Real Girl
[1].

To me this seem like people who have been hurt in some ways, and are doing
what they can to survive.

[1] [http://imdb.com/title/tt0805564/](http://imdb.com/title/tt0805564/)

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drivingmenuts
I may be overthinking it, but I read Davecat as someone who was, in some way,
damaged early on and has built up a framework that allows him to function and
survive pretty well. His life isn't normal, by usual standards, but it seems
to work OK for him.

The thing that worries me is that there are a lot more people out there that
are more like him, than there are people who've been able to make that special
connection with someone else.

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Killah911
This to me is an example of "individualism" and a self-centered life taken to
the extreme. Alas, this may become the norm some day. What very well may be
the decline of our civilization is that we stop living as nature meant for us
to and all die obsessing over superreleasers, like bugs screwing a beer
bottle.

Just because its hi-tech or the latest "innovation" doesnt make it right for
our development as a people. First the erosion of the village, then
neighborhood and it ends with preferring to have "synthetic" people to
interact with rather than real ones. The undoing of our social fabric may be
the undoing of us as a whole. (Someone remake idiocracy with fem-bots!)

~~~
VladRussian2
sounds like old arguments against gays and, later, against gay marriage.
Still, civilization seems to be chugging along, and will survive some
guys/gals going "synthetic" as well.

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Mikeb85
For me, part of the joy of relationships and being married is sharing life's
journey together. Reciprocating feelings and love.

Thinking that you get the same from a doll is simply delusional...

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Sagat
>Part of the (sexual) appeal of synthetics is how much they look like their
organic counterparts. If you have a robot shaped like a refrigerator, that
won't have as much draw as a robot in the shape of a human; people will be
more willing to interact with the human-shaped one.

>However, that 1 percent of unfulfillment? That's only there because neither
Sidore nor Elena are Gynoids. Once that technology becomes affordable, I'll
have one made in my wife's likeness, and that'll be the final piece of the
puzzle. She'd be able to hug me back whenever I embrace her, we'd be able to
attend films and concerts together, and do all manner of things besides. There
would be genuine interaction.

>I'm not interested in having someone in my life who may bail at any time, or
who transforms into someone unpleasant.

According to the above quotes it seems he does indeed want a relationship with
a real person, but he just wants that person to be submissive and totally
devoted to his whims; in other words, the perfect slave. The problem here
isn't the dolls. He's entitled to own them and enjoy their presence. But he's
not entitled to compare them to real persons or claim that they are more than
objects.

So yes, I am going to judge him. It's clear to me he has a really unhealthy
and controlling attitude towards others.

~~~
ljf
Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women.

For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women
inside them.

~~~
lutusp
> Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women.

Women have given us an unrealistic image of dolls. :)

I confess -- the above is a recycled '60s joke, which went, "Reality is merely
a crutch for those unable to face up to drugs."

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rogerbinns
I recommend reading His Robot Girlfriend - a free fiction ebook at
[http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1864](http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1864)

It isn't that well written, but does have several interesting angles beyond
being a sex toy. What happens if the robot is able to prepare your meals -
will you eat better? Or act as a personal trainer? Heck what if it can go
through all your stuff, work out what you don't use and put it on eBay?

~~~
bgilroy26
A possession of yours can do nothing other than your will.

Even the masochists are enjoying their will being carried out when they are
made to hurt.

To truly love, you need to love an other. Any pantomime that a possession can
act out will ultimately be less love.

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redact207
It's a strange feeling, to laugh at something that makes you cringe. This
whole situation is absurd to me and anyone with conventional views, and
reminds me of those 40 year olds Hikikomori living in a fantasy land unable to
face reality.

That said it's his life and he's not harming anyone so who minds what he does
with his life or his toys. It does seem he has some unresolved back-story, but
that's neither for me to judge or care about.

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Amadou
Here is a (IMHO) haunting and heart-breaking video by a couple of joss whedon
adjacent people that is somewhat relevant.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNtORr6RsJ4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNtORr6RsJ4)

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asenna
<sarcasm> Yep, definitely relevant and deserves to be on the front page of HN.
</sarcasm>

~~~
jrockway
Oh yes, only the best literature on Hacker News at 3AM on Friday night. If I
don't read the top ten articles about A/B testing my Erlang-based non-profit
YC-funded startup in the next five minutes, I WILL DIE!

But seriously, this is an interesting perspective on life. What I take away
from it is that if you want 70% sex and 30% companionship (read: silently
sitting there while you talk about your boring life) from someone, perhaps you
should just shell out the $6000 for a doll and save that hypothetical other
human years of therapy.

