
Sexless in Silicon Valley: why nobody's getting laid in America's tech hub - saycheese
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/jan/19/silicon-valley-no-sex-peter-thiel-san-francisco
======
probably_wrong
This article feels like the grown up version of being ostracized at school:

As a teenager, you get made fun of[1] for liking geeky stuff, people call you
weird, all usually followed by the phrase "you'll never get laid".

Now all those geeks have grown up, and moved to Silicon Valley to do what they
love. And here's a newspaper article to point at how weird they are, and how
they will never get laid.

Why is this even an article? There's no real content here, only a couple
random anecdotes and an opening paragraph about Trump, for some reason.

[1] It used to be that liking comics and programming made you a loser, but I
don't know whether that's still "out" with kids these days.

~~~
coldtea
> _This article feels like the grown up version of being ostracized at school:
> As a teenager, you get made fun of[1] for liking geeky stuff, people call
> you weird, all usually followed by the phrase "you'll never get laid"_

The grown up version is simply called "life". People will always judge people
that don't fit into social norms. That's part and parcel with being in a
society, as opposed to doing whatever one wants in the wilderness.

Even worse, and that's something people tend to ignore these days: not fitting
into social norms is not necessarily something to be cherished. In some cases
it is, but in others it's the social norms that are right and not the outlier.

(In some cases that's obvious: nobody would consider a junky or a hoarder
totally fine).

------
speeder
This isn't just a Silicon Valley thing.

It is happen to whole Japan!!!

Or in several countries humanities courses are trying to decipher the
"Marriage Strike", and so on.

The thing is, there are several problems that make having a family hard, and
even when you don't want a family, and want just random sex, some problems
still get in the way.

Personal anecdote, but good example: I am 29 right now. Also right now my
interest in having a girlfriend dropped through the bottom, I am less interest
now than any point in my life (even in my childhood I was more interested).

After some self-analysis I concluded the reason is very simple and obvious:
What I would want a girlfriend for? I don't have any money (literally), I
still have lots of debts (made to pay student debts), I don't own a house, or
a car, or even a bicycle, I spend most of my time trying to sharp my work
skills in hopes I can finally get some decent money having my first job (yep,
I graduated in 2009, and never had a job!) or by getting some decent contract
(I had many contracts, but mostly crappy ones that I took only because I had
no other choice, since I am in debt).

If I had a girlfriend, she would "get in the way", it would make my life
worse, not better, I don't have time even to buy my own food, what would be
the point in having someone to share things (including time) with?

And I believe this applies to most of my friends and acquaintances too, even
the ones in other countries, life is just too fucked up right now to people
between 20 and 35...

In UK humanities courses even invented a new name for my generation:
"Boomerang Generation", the only generation where large numbers are being
forced to live with their parents unwillingly, even after attempts to leave
home, the generation that in hopes of being proper adults rented some place
out, failed to pay, and were forced to return to their parents home, like a
boomerang.

~~~
aianus
Isn't it a lot cheaper to split rent with someone else who lives in the same
bed as you? And to cook for two instead of one? The way I see it, the only way
being single is cheaper is if you live with family for free.

~~~
adpoe
That's true. But finding a stable romantic partner who you're willing to move
in with, and live with, + share all your personal space with is still very
hard when you have little time/money, right? (And that applies to both sexes.)

And moreover - finding someone you really love and care for and want to move
in with is hard even when you're rich. Just look at all the dating sites and
services catering to matchmaking for the very wealthy.

We might say --> the less time/money you have, the harder it gets. And when
all your time is going to career + you're in debt... it's a bad combo for the
dating pool, for both sexes.

------
heh
At the very least, there are some outliers in Silicon Valley, like this guy:
[http://www.piedpiper.com/app/themes/pied-
piper/dist/images/j...](http://www.piedpiper.com/app/themes/pied-
piper/dist/images/jared.png)

------
baccheion
San Francisco is strange. A lot of the males are gay, taken, or creepy/weird.
What's left has to deal with the same thing as women. That is, many women have
fed into the "odds are good, but the goods are odd" BS and have become
arrogant, annoying, and delusion, though they are nothing special.

With women, I'd say something like, "the odds aren't good, but the goods are
still odd." They aren't usually creepy/weird, but they're high maintenance,
SJW'y (sees everything as some sort of unfair treatment, complains about every
little thing, constantly creates more headache for everyone, etc), bitchy,
full of themselves, annoying, and don't seem to realize most see them as a
waste of time.

They're like those worthless draining idiots at work who like taking advantage
of someone trapped in a bad situation and who say the dumbest thing
(addressing others as though they're idiots) every chance they get. Oh wait,
it's the same people, but now they're outside work while trying to repeat the
same thing again.

Once they are off the table, only a handful of women remain.

In my case, while I was there, the handful left were often attracted to me;
however, I kept noticing that if I entered a relationship with one and it
didn't work out, that would be it. There would either nothing else, or I'd end
up trapped (didn't work out, so therefore..) cycling through the same handful
of women.

Trapped. Suffocated. Dead end. Dead end. Trapped. Dead end. Suffocated.
<repeat>

That's what constantly repeated while I was there. Everything would lead to a
dead end, and it was almost as though there were a group of people trying to
keep it that way.

------
rayiner
I've grown to find the "goods are odd" comment pretty offensive. People are
who they are. They don't need to change themselves to conform to the author's
expectations of what would make a good mate.

~~~
coldtea
> _They don 't need to change themselves to conform to the author's
> expectations of what would make a good mate._

No, but the author is also free to be who they are, and not consider them as
good mates.

~~~
dwaltrip
Holding the opinion and writing and article about it are very different
things. They're free to do both, but the latter may be more poorly received.

~~~
Shorel
That sounds like censorship.

~~~
dwaltrip
No, it just means people will have an opinion about the article. Are they
wrong to do so?

------
stinkytaco
Tons of male computer nerds can't find a date.

What is this drivel? Lets regurgitate a bunch of stereotypical anecdotes to...
what? Forgive horrible statements by the current president? Exclaim that
Silicon Valley is too PC (despite its reputation as a frat house turned
business)?

Both wrong, the correct answer is generate clicks.

------
dictum
> “There are men everywhere, but they’re all awful,” said Amanda*, a
> twentysomething professional whose recent dates have included a web
> developer who didn’t know the alphabet and a software developer who starting
> talking about marriage on the second date.

Okay, nonchalance is cool and cool is sexy, but if you're turned off by your
date's ability to imagine marriage, you're looking for a balance you'll never
find.

~~~
stuaxo
Being too forward is offputting for anyone + the marriage thing _might_ come
across as that?

