
I’m a freelance copywriter - sigmundritz
http://getcoleman.com/
======
eranation
Going through his portfolio, my sarcastic side trying to find something that
will somehow justify for my mind why a person's writing is so good that he
gets paid for it consistently. Flip through, see [0] A picture of a boy
playing in a puddle with a Washtub on his head, with the caption:

"The joy of being five.

You've got just 365 days to capture it".

Ok, now I get it. (goes to my soon to be 6 daughter and gives her a huge hug,
and wish I have taken more pictures, and telling my wife I just got something
stuck in my eye)

[0] [http://getcoleman.com/wp-
content/uploads/2016/02/1_Jessops-B...](http://getcoleman.com/wp-
content/uploads/2016/02/1_Jessops-Bath-Boy-2.jpg)

~~~
cookiecaper
Yeah, very evocative.

Being not-very-emotional, I always figured that "they grow up too fast"
wouldn't hit me, but it has. There is so much more I wanted to provide my son
(the oldest, age 7). I wish that I could just put his growth timeline on pause
and continue to get to enjoy him, at least until I feel like I've gotten the
TODO at least half-way cleared out.

7 years gone by, 7 more years and he'll be 14. Half of his childhood already
slipped through the hourglass and I barely noticed it. Can't take it.

Same story with his siblings. It seems that no matter how much time you spend
with them, it will always feel like it evaporated, and there will always be
stuff you wanted to do but couldn't get to. I don't expect that to change, but
the sadness in that slippage is profound.

I hope the future, where they're all old people, is somehow competitive with
the present. Hard to conceive how that could happen right now.

Speaking of something in eyes...

~~~
bernardlunn
This Cat Stevens song always brings something to the eyes.

[https://youtu.be/7OqwKfgLaeA](https://youtu.be/7OqwKfgLaeA)

~~~
muzster
This is not a Cat Stevens song.

However, Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam did write "Father & Son" \- which brings
tears to my eyes... when I think of my son and my dad.

------
networked
If you want a general term for this sort of thing:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/StretchText](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/StretchText).
(The original note describing the concept:
[http://i.imgur.com/jOCOQGI.png](http://i.imgur.com/jOCOQGI.png))

~~~
WhitneyLand
That image is an absolutely fascinating historical artifact. He's describing
(in a related paper) the essence of web sites _in detail in 1965_.

It's difficult to even imagine how few people were thinking of such things
when they were so far removed everyday life and culture.

Tim Berners-Lee I thought was much more well known for starting a revolution
with the world wide web. I hate to say but the web seems a bit less of an
insight when you know that Hypertext had already been so well established for
almost 25 years.

[https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Nelson](https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Nelson)

~~~
smacktoward
He's actually describing the essence of something _much more ambitious_ than
the World Wide Web, if you can believe that.

Ted Nelson's idea was/is called "Xanadu":

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Xanadu](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Xanadu)

The Xanadu vision is centered on a hypertext system, like the Web. But
_unlike_ the Web, it also includes such things as:

\- A mechanism for embedding live documents within other documents
("transclusion":
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transclusion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transclusion))

\- Bidirectional links, that updated themselves automatically when the address
of the linked document changed (see [http://dubinko.info/blog/2009/11/22/how-
xanadu-works/](http://dubinko.info/blog/2009/11/22/how-xanadu-works/))

\- An addressing system that goes beyond just documents to let you link
directly to any range of content you wish ("tumblers":
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tumbler_(Project_Xanadu)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tumbler_\(Project_Xanadu\)))

\- Automatic, redundant cross-network storage of all documents (a built-in
Wayback Machine)

\- A micropayments system for content creators to sell access to what they
create

\- Strong identity built in (a necessity if you want to also have payments
built in)

... and much more.

Xanadu is (in theory anyway) a much more sophisticated system than the Web is
even _today,_ never mind the Web as it was when TBL first designed it. Back
then it was so much more crude than Xanadu as to barely merit comparison.

But in a way that was TBL's genius, because, while the Web was much more crude
than Xanadu architecturally, it was something that _could actually be
implemented_ with the early-'90s technology he had on hand. Xanadu, a much
grander vision, was _so much_ grander that it has defied fifty years' worth of
efforts to implement it. (Back when _Wired_ was worth reading, they ran a good
piece on the state of those efforts circa 1995:
[https://www.wired.com/1995/06/xanadu/](https://www.wired.com/1995/06/xanadu/)
It's still defying implementation today, more than twenty years later.)

So we ended up with the Web we have, which kinda sorta works except for all
the ways that it really doesn't. (Paying content creators, for instance.) Ted
Nelson saw all those problems coming, all the way back in 1960, and he tried
to come up with a system that would head them all off. He hasn't succeeded
(not _yet_ , anyway!), but you have to admire both the vision and the attempt.

~~~
skrebbel
I favorited your comment so I can point people to it who have trouble grasping
"worse is better". This is a much better example than clos vs scheme or linux
vs microkernels.

~~~
TeMPOraL
It is a good example indeed.

Though when dealing with people who reject "worse is better", remember that
some people may not grasp the idea, but others may grasp it very well and just
consider it a _bad thing_ \- a problem to work around.

~~~
mbrock
I mentioned "Worse is Better" on this site a few days ago and received this
comment:

> "Worse is better" has nothing to do with it. Stop saying it every time
> anything you think is bad comes up. It's incredibly arrogant, the way people
> basically spam "worse is better" like they're in Twitch chat every time C,
> Unix, HTTP, or anything else that they perceive as imperfect comes up.

It didn't occur to me that I was being offensive.

~~~
WhitneyLand
You're not being offensive. It's an important, non-obvious, under taught
engineering principle. I understand the phenomenon he's describing and it's
unfortunate he can't tell the difference.

------
Mz
OMG, this is awesome. Favorited!

I actually am a freelance copywriter. I probably fall pretty close to "If you
need a freelance copywriter, you could phone me. Or not."

Except s/phone/email.

This may partly explain my poverty. Perhaps explosions and aggression is The
Way.

Tao te Copywriting

Edit: He says he's flexible. Makes me think of this:

[http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=flexible&qs=n&form=QBIR&...](http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=flexible&qs=n&form=QBIR&pq=flexible&sc=8-8&sp=-1&sk=)

(I confess: I might be a former gymnastics student. Maybe.)

------
jfaucett
Its rare that you come across a unique personal pitch tactic with this much
selling power and focus. For me, this was one of those rare occasions where it
actually happened. This guy seems very good at what he does.

~~~
Mahn
Creativity and novelty are always rewarded. No one gets noticed doing the same
pitch everyone else does.

------
guiambros
Reminds me of this old " _Microsoft Re-Designs the iPod Packaging_ " [1].

[1]
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUXnJraKM3k](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUXnJraKM3k)

------
oferzelig
Can someone explain this phenomenon to me:
[http://i.imgur.com/lIAwLXP.png](http://i.imgur.com/lIAwLXP.png)

~~~
hisyam
Second one looks like a spam.

~~~
Method-X
It's more hard sell. HN responds better to soft sell.

~~~
oferzelig
The second one links to the very same URL (and actually came first). What's
also interesting is that HN didn't block the 2nd one at all; they should've
kept the first one only.

------
aerovistae
Are websites like that supposed to carry a warning for epileptics?

~~~
jdietrich
There are W3C recommendations on photosensitive epilepsy; the key
recommendation is to keep the flash rate of any large area of the screen below
3Hz. This recommendation follows broadcast television standards. The flash
rate on this site is 2Hz, so it poses a relatively low risk of triggering PSE.

[https://www.w3.org/TR/WCAG20/#general-
thresholddef](https://www.w3.org/TR/WCAG20/#general-thresholddef)

~~~
jnbiche
Thanks for that. I'm clearly bad at estimating the frequency, since I thought
it was probably below the threshold recommended. Glad to know I was wrong.

------
greendestiny_re
I've been doing freelance writing for 4 years now.

It truly is about presenting those small wisps of childhood joy through simple
stories. Unfortunately, only small projects are fit for that, as corporate
staff generally loathes any risk or anything different from the "standard".

For example, I was once asked to do a Christmas video for a plumbing company
and was shown the last year's version, which was simply shot after shot of the
company's staff saying their names to the camera.

I decided to write an actual Christmas carol about a mouse that got stuck in
the drain due to broken dishwasher hose on Christmas Eve and got saved by the
company's employees. Though the client praised my writing skills, she said the
script got rejected because the higher-ups didn't appreciate the thought of
mice in customers' homes.

------
thesagan
Love it! This is great communication, and I'd like to book Joe even though I
have no copy that needs writing. (Or meet for a cup his namesake.)

------
gjm11
Trifling bug report (but in this sort of thing it's worth getting the details
right): one of the versions has "fewawards" instead of "few awards".

[EDITED to add:] Er, I was assuming that this was posted by the person who
wrote it and that the latter is therefore reading this. But it looks like it
wasn't, so maybe he isn't.

~~~
pcf
Call him and let him know.

~~~
gjm11
I found his email address and sent him an email. I got a reply saying the
error had already been noticed. (It hasn't actually been fixed yet, though.)

------
rrherr
Fascinating and educational to see all those variations! Reminds me a little
of _99 Ways to Tell a Story_ by Matt Madden:
[http://mattmadden.com/comics/99x/](http://mattmadden.com/comics/99x/)

~~~
networked
I haven't read _99 Ways to Tell a Story,_ but when I read Raymond Queneau's
_Exercises in Style_ about a decade ago (in English translation) I was
delighted by it. Though I have not reread the book recently, 2008-me would
heartily recommend it.

I've noticed that exercises in style (in writing or in visual art, comics,
video games and what have you) and practices like constrained writing and
their analogues in other media seem to resonate with a certain type of
computer/math nerd. It affects even those who would rather not associate with
anything described as "literary". I think being a nerd predisposes one towards
enjoying a kind of formalism in art.

------
ge96
I could refer to this when writing cover letters. First line in my most recent
cover letter "I was ecstatic..." fail... My eyes were popping out of my head
when I came across this listing.

edit: following through the progression, it would not be hard to emulate this
and get responses but then the problem comes back to your actual competence.
Thanks for sharing this is helpful.

edit: would probably help to dissect this for visible-progression, but the
pattern seems to be:

feel free -> if you need -> hello I'm -> then more and more dictating, not so
much choice, you need to choose me.

------
Dangeranger
Check out the business cards in the projects listing, they are gold.

------
sarreph
Perfect example of a clever functional component to convey your business /
sell yourself.

One usability note: I would turn 'less / more hard sell' either side of the
slider into links that move it forward/back as keeping my mouse pressed down
on the slider reading through all the options was a little cumbersome.

~~~
evolve2k
You can also use arrow keys to progress the slider one step at a time.

------
raybesiga
I get a 403 error when I try to access the site ;(

```Forbidden

You don't have permission to access / on this server.

Additionally, a 403 Forbidden error was encountered while trying to use an
ErrorDocument to handle the request.```

------
zoom6628
Just love the website content and slider. So wish that many more sites were
like this. We could all save time by reading the one sentence version and move
on.

------
microcolonel
Interesting to see "call me on _phone number_ " in stead of "call me at _phone
number_ ". Is that the appropriate way to say it where this guy is?

~~~
jpt1
Yes it's a UK number and that is an acceptable way to say that in the UK.

------
sova
I really like it. Might have to mimic your style for an editor friend of mine.
Do you incorporate this style somehow into your business cards (if you have
any at the moment)?

~~~
sarreph
Good idea for business cards like this. Could leverage multi-design printing
such as Moo's Printfinity[0] (allows for a different design on every card).

[0] -
[https://www.moo.com/uk/about/printfinity.html](https://www.moo.com/uk/about/printfinity.html)

------
simonswords82
The site is down. Resource limit hit.

Edit:...and it's back again.

------
asciimo
Clever, effective and no Oxford commas.

~~~
aeden
I see what you did there.

------
Diachron
Genius.

------
DownWithTheWall
warning, flashing on the rightmost setting.

------
HaoZeke
Why is this here?

I mean it just sort of reeks of advertising.

That and that website is really unoptimized.

------
hellofunk
He should change the description from "hard sell" to "hard on the eyes."

~~~
harel
Check out [http://lingscars.com](http://lingscars.com). It will desensitise
you.

~~~
sah2ed
Agreed.

Lingscars.com is arguably the worst money-making website on the Internet [0].

[0] [http://metro.co.uk/2015/02/15/welcome-to-lingscars-quite-
pos...](http://metro.co.uk/2015/02/15/welcome-to-lingscars-quite-possibly-the-
worst-and-weirdest-website-on-the-internet-5063801/)

~~~
harel
A little anecdote, a few years ago I posted a link to her site here. Moments
later the traffic from Hacker News took down her site and she took to Twitter
to complain about the "Hackers" that brought her site down.

~~~
ge96
Is there a way to DDOS your self on purpose? I want to bench mark my servers.
I saw that there are some tools, damn... need to refer to some old forum
threads...

~~~
helb
Not exactly a (D)DoS tool, but it comes quite handy, too –
[https://github.com/shekyan/slowhttptest](https://github.com/shekyan/slowhttptest)

~~~
ge96
Thanks, I was wondering how you get that "Build/Passing" thing on the GitHub.

I'm also not sure if Apache is outdated, like I should really move to NGINX or
Node/Amazon, I have yet to configure overflow handling (forwarding traffic in
the event of a server not being able to handle it all) I was looking at public
cloud before, kind of interesting, said something like $0.010/ or maybe
$0.10/GB not sure if that was storage or bandwidth but yeah. I also wonder how
hard/how you should create quick "copies" or "images" of your application and
then be able to forward traffic to that.

------
djabatt
fucking genius

------
adamredwoods
A mild point, but I don't think it's good copywriting to ask a yes/no
question. Still, a clever website.

~~~
adamredwoods
Downvotes: I've worked in advertising for over 10 years. Most copywriters try
to avoid the direct yes/no questions in headlines. For effective headlines, go
scan the cover of a Cosmopolitan magazine.

------
amelius
Isn't this what advertising agencies already do, but with deep learning (based
on your past behavior) instead of the slider?

------
tomcam
Uh... why is this on the front page of HN? Feels like spam but I'm probably
missing something.

~~~
coldtea
Drag the slider.

It's not about the person, or his job. It's about the clever concept.

~~~
tomcam
Thank you! I didn't notice it; think it was not visible on my old Android but
could see it on my Mac desktop.

~~~
danso
I hit the downvote on your comment before realizing what you meant, and I
agree, the slider is a little subtle, even on a desktop. I think it might go
better at the top, before the text.

------
t_fatus
Common, we're not here to get advertising, even if it's well done, I really
don;t care about your skills, your supposed talent, and you B&W website. You
might want to think you're special, but I still want to see something I could
think of of special..

~~~
t_fatus
btw nice hack : getting ~400pts on a saturday night, with this kind of
uninteresting content. Growth hacking is good only when you've got something
edgy to sell

