
Google’s former happiness guru's three-second brain exercise for finding joy - endswapper
http://qz.com/818998/googles-former-happiness-guru-developed-a-three-second-brain-exercise-for-finding-joy/
======
employee8000
I think being a multi-millionaire and being able to do whatever you want,
including nothing, is the real key to being able to "find joy". I don't think
it has anything to do with his "exercises". Take away his millions, have him
struggle to pay for rising rents with kids to clothe and feed, and put him in
a job that he can't afford to quit and where he has to struggle every day with
a shitty boss and I guarantee his techniques won't work.

~~~
CuriouslyC
I guarantee there are people in that exact situation who are doing just fine.
The same rain that drenches the dog rolls off the duck's back unnoticed.

That being said, probably not a good idea to become responsible for other
people before you've got your own life figured out.

~~~
jads
>That being said, probably not a good idea to become responsible for other
people before you've got your own life figured out.

That seems rather offensive and narrow-minded. Sometimes life has its
surprises that weren't expected. Life can also throw us curveballs. One day
you might feel like everything is going well but then something changes. I'm
sure some of the 300 or so people at Twitter who are about to lose their jobs
probably thought they had things figured out.

~~~
maxxxxx
I think he mis-phrased "before you've got your own life figured out". I think
he wanted to say that before you tell other people how to deal with problems
you should have gone through some challenges yourself. For example: somebody
who has joined google early (which I attribute mainly to luck) and made a lot
of money should be careful telling people who are getting laid off how to be
happy.

~~~
CuriouslyC
I was referring to becoming a parent before you're ready. That's like an
overweight person getting on a treadmill for the first time and cranking it to
a 6 minute mile pace. Of course you're going to be miserable, it's your own
fault, you were foolish.

~~~
maxxxxx
How about: don't give parenting advice before you have raised a kid?

~~~
gknoy
Perhaps they already do speak from experience.

As a parent, I'm not sure if there's ever a "ready" point, but I definitely
feel like my life (and my kids') would have been tangibly more difficult had I
decided to have them a decade earlier. Parenting is hard.

------
aethertap
Something I do with my kids every night after bedtime stories: we each think
back over the day and tell each other what the best part of our day was. I
started doing that in a bid to get them in the habit of noticing good things
through the day and it seems to be working. Also, they love it - more than
stories or songs. We can miss stories and songs some nights if we're out late,
but they won't go to bed until we talk about our day.

~~~
bigchewy
we started a practice ~1 month ago that a friend taught us. we now ask 3
questions of each other 1) How were you brave today? 2) How were you kind
today? 3) How did you fail today? I've found it amazing how much conversation
and learning it provokes.

~~~
aethertap
I like the direction of this. I've been thinking lately about trying to
inspire kids to greatness, similar to the way ancient Romans made their
ancestors greatest achievements highly visible in their homes [1] to inspire
and challenge their children. Your question about failing made me think about
that - maybe there is room for a question like "What did you do to [change the
world/help others/achieve your goal/etc] today?" The desire to have a good
answer at the end of the day might be enough to inspire some big-picture
thinking.

1\. Something I read somewhere, reference long gone now unfortunately.

------
kgilpin
The article states "People seem to get better at savoring the moment as they
age". As a father of four, I'd like to point out that young children do this
constantly! It seems that it's an ability that we have, and then lose, and
then (hopefully) regain.

~~~
aethertap
I'd bet it's inversely proportional to the number of things we have available
to worry about. Kids and older people don't typically have (as) much to worry
about as middle age people who are raising kids, caring for elders, paying
debts, and trying to hold down jobs.

~~~
asciihacker

        > I'd bet it's inversely proportional to the number of things we have available to worry about.
    

When I was financially free I almost went crazy from lack of stress.

~~~
fapjacks
This is actually one of the roots of PTSD. A switch is turned on that can't be
turned off, and it puts you in the strange situation of wishing you were back
in the stressful situations of combat.

------
sp332
Here's my three-second mood improver: Think of a major positive event in your
life. Imagine what your life would be like if it hadn't happened. Sounds silly
but it works every time.

~~~
pbhjpbhj
>Imagine what your life would be like if it hadn't happened. //

It doesn't sound sill it sounds to me like it would have the exact opposite
effect. So I'm feeling low and I think "imagine if I'd not got my job, then
I'd be feeling crap _and_ be hungry and possibly homeless .. basically I'm an
incapable and worthless person .. might as well top myself now".

In contrast I practice enjoyment of those things which make my life better,
like dwelling on their benefits drinking deeply of the contentment a moment of
happiness can yield.

Glad you've found something that works for you; and I'm going to dwell on that
rather than imagine you hadn't and instead had become morose!

~~~
sp332
Well thinking about a bad future can get you down, but thinking about a bad
past/present that was avoided would cheer you up. Even if it's just to keep
you from daydreaming about how much better your life could be, and feeling bad
about how far "behind" you are.

------
Overtonwindow
The trigger action reward loop was studied nicely in "The Power of Habit" but
it's a lot harder than it sounds. I'm still not quite sure where the three
second brain exercise comes from... Maybe I'm missing it because I'm not
finding joy in the article?

~~~
CuriouslyC
For those reading this comment, I would honestly advise just picking up a
psychology textbook that focuses on learning; the "Power of Habit" he refers
to is just basic learning and behavior modification. The "Power of Habit" book
is full of rambling anecdotes that do more to obfuscate the valuable content
than emphasize it.

~~~
adolph
I too found the anecdotes rambling and in the way. On the other hand, some
folks may find the stories to be parables or mind palaces [1] that enhance
retention of key points. YMMV

1\.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Method_of_loci](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Method_of_loci)

~~~
petra
Active learning is usually more effective than passive learning , so reading a
shorter focused book while building memory palaces should be more efective .

------
NietTim
Holy crap, that stuff from silicon valley is real?!

~~~
clydethefrog
Check out the New Yorker article[1] about how the series Silicon Valley nails
Silicon Valley. My favourite paragraph:

>Teller ended the meeting by standing up in a huff, but his attempt at a
dramatic exit was marred by the fact that he was wearing Rollerblades. He
wobbled to the door in silence. “Then there was this awkward moment of him
fumbling with his I.D. badge, trying to get the door to open,” Kemper said.
“It felt like it lasted an hour. We were all trying not to laugh. Even while
it was happening, I knew we were all thinking the same thing: Can we use
this?” In the end, the joke was deemed “too hacky to use on the show.”

[1] [http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/how-silicon-
va...](http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/how-silicon-valley-nails-
silicon-valley)

------
fao_
I feel like this is artificial happiness, to a certain degree. I feel like
something _for a reason_. If I feel unhappy it's more of a benefit to me to
figure out what's making me unhappy and do things to remedy that, rather than
spending time on a hack so I can continue to do things I don't enjoy, for
example. It's treating the symptoms of the problem but ignoring the problem.

I also think that with myself (and possibly others), that it would lead to the
habit of "Rather than setting aside time to do things I enjoy, or stepping
away to do things I enjoy, I'll just do this exercise to be able to continue
working my life away".

~~~
projektir
I don't know, there may be too many problems and sources of unhappiness in the
world to take that approach depending on your perspective. I think this is
actually one of the causes of some really bad biases (just world hypothesis)
that people have: they tie their happiness to their projection of reality, and
are then compelled to keep their projection of reality to be very positive to
stay happy.

------
n00b101
TLDR; "stop and smell the roses"

------
CuriouslyC
The idea of savoring experiences is a good start. An even better technique is
when your brain isn't otherwise occupied, actively look for things around you
to appreciate or enjoy. Most miserable people's default behavior is to look
for things to criticize, get angry over, be annoyed with, etc.

~~~
projektir
Most miserable people also exist in miserable conditions where there are not
that many chances for them to enjoy something or access to a philosophy that
allows them to do that.

Please have a bit more empathy for your fellow man, and remember that nobody
tries to be miserable on purpose: something must have went really wrong along
the way.

~~~
CuriouslyC
I have a great deal of empathy for my species. That doesn't mean that I always
have to be gentle. Jesus was about as loving of a cat as you could imagine,
but there were times he laid down the law when people were out of line.

The idea that only special things are worthy of being savored is at the root
of the problem. A sunset, a flower, a slice of cheese pizza, whatever - it's
beautiful, appreciate it.

~~~
projektir
Empathy is not about being gentle, it's about being able to understand the
perspective, life situation, and mentality of another.

Sunsets, flowers, and good-tasting slices of cheese pizza are actually kind of
special. Plenty of people don't have access to these things. They wake up
before the sun is up, then they go work in some building away from trees and
flowers and the sky, eat the only cheap, low quality food they can find, and
then come back home when the sun is already down. And after living life like
this for many years, their brain starts to forget the beauty of the flower or
the sunset or the cheese, and when they finally see it, it doesn't look as
bright and beautiful as it does to us.

[http://ivn.us/2014/05/23/the-psychological-effects-of-
povert...](http://ivn.us/2014/05/23/the-psychological-effects-of-poverty/)

[http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/08/25/095679761559...](http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/08/25/0956797615597672)

~~~
CuriouslyC
I feel for people that are suffering. I've been homeless, I've been crushingly
poor, I've spent time with poor people in third world countries, I've suffered
through all kinds of nasty stuff - I know firsthand what it is like.

If your life situation is such that you don't have the ability to experience a
sunrise/sunset/pretty flowers/cheese pizza/a variety of other equally common
but amazing things, it is almost certainly because you put yourself in, and
keep yourself in that situation. There's pretty much always a better option,
if you really take a close look at things. I have limited empathy for self-
imposed suffering, I feel that only reinforces bad choices.

The analogy I make for most people is that their unhappiness is like being in
jail, only their cell door is unlocked, nobody is guarding the prison, and
nobody is keeping track of who should and should not be there. You could
literally walk out at any time and be free.

As for a hard life dulling your ability to feel pleasure, you are in control
of how much you attend to your senses. It is exactly the thing my original
comment was about - don't focus on how bad your life is and how much you
suffer while you put this marvel of modern culinary magic in your mouth.
Instead, quiet the mind, take a deep breath and inhale the aroma of the food.
Really look at that beautiful slice of deliciousness, then take a bite, and
roll it around on your tongue to truly feel the crispness of the crust and the
spring of the cheese. Let the waves of flavor roll over you as the sauce and
cheese intermingle in your mouth. When the food has been chewed to the point
it is no longer pleasing, then swallow it and enjoy the feeling as it travels
down into your stomach. You can literally do this for ANYTHING pleasant in
your life, and it makes things _so_ much better.

~~~
projektir
It doesn't sound like you are feeling for people that are suffering.
Unfortunately, that is not something one can take on faith. What it sounds
like is that bad things happened to you, you internalized them and blamed
yourself for it, then you got away from those bad things but never really
learned to empathize with your own self or left the mentality of being at war
with yourself. And when you got out of your bad situation, you decided that
your approach was the main contributor and that it must work for everyone
else.

You're not empathizing, you're projecting. And in your projection, you were in
control of everything, even if in reality there were likely many perils that
you simply didn't notice, and a lot of things occurred by accident.

The problem with this approach is that it results in a very serious warping of
the concept of cause. All failures are attributed, but also all successes are
attributed. What happens when one with such a belief is successful? It all
goes straight to their head, no filter at all. This perception assumes that
neither chance nor third party causes exist, which means it's effectively
impossible to have any empathy whatsoever for someone who was unlucky, and one
feels highly superior to them. Which seems to be exactly the case here.

Empathy is more than trying to recreate your own feelings in an event,
transplanting it to someone else's vaguely similar situation, and saying that
you now know how they feel. Assuming that other people are exactly like you,
have the exact same brain, and will feel things the same way empathy decidedly
isn't. Empathy includes actually being able to understand people who are not
like you at all. It also leads to understanding that there's a whole world of
perception you will never have access to, yet you seem to be completely and
utterly sure that you have figured out every person on the planet.

~~~
CuriouslyC
You're right, I did try to understand how my actions resulted in my
circumstances. Then I figured out what circumstances I wanted to be in,
identified the actions that had a high probability of putting me there, and
took them. Not every action worked as desired, but the majority did, and I
didn't get discouraged at the occasional failure - I learned from them. I was
literally at the bottom of society, with every disadvantage, and now I'm
pretty far on the other side of the distribution. I'm not particularly gifted
in any way, I just never quit striving, I thought carefully about my actions,
and I learned from my mistakes. Almost anyone could do what I did, provided an
example to work from.

I am happy to step forward and uplift people who encounter adversity, pick
themselves back up, figure things out and keep striving. On the other hand,
I'm not going to provide positive reinforcement to people with a negative
attitude who think life comes down to luck/genetics/parents, and they are out
of control. That attitude is a sickness, and acknowledging it is like giving a
homeless drug addict money; you might think you're helping, but you're only
fueling their downward spiral. I understand perfectly well that the addict
feels substance abuse is the only way to numb the terrible pain and emptiness
of their life - I know exactly how shitty they feel inside. Don't assume
because I don't think coddling people with certain maladaptive life views is
the best way to help them that I don't understand their suffering.

As for understanding people that are in no way like yourself, you haven't the
faintest clue either - nobody does. That doesn't mean that when they are in
circumstances similar to me, and they take actions that are self-defeating, I
can't apply life lessons I've learned to them. Relativism taken to that extent
is just foolishness.

------
mynameis42
Go tell a poor mother in Syria that just watched her kid blown to pieces to
savor her next drink of water because it is so refreshing. The real world is a
tough place and simply sticking your head in the sand doesn't solve anything
for anyone. Don't deny reality by trying to ignore it and help your fellow
humans when you can.

------
tripzilch
So if you ignore the gag-inducing clickbait title (small miracle I even
clicked it) and start reading at "recognize thin slices of joy" in the third
paragraph, this is actually a _really_ nice article :) Mindfulness in slightly
different wording.

