
Why smart poeple have a tough time dating - jseliger
http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/abinazir/2011/09/26/why-really-smart-people-have-a-tough-time-dating/
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mhd
Because people are selling books that tell you that it's tough dating without
buying said publication?

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salemh
I would say most smart people over-think situations (re: opposite or same sex
/ partners) and never approach. Approaches is all that matters after a certain
amount of numbers and (always / eventual) rejections. Analysis paralysis.

Confidence with women (or, opposite sex, but, for sake of content reduction in
this response, let's say men attracted to women) seems nearly completely
unrelated to confidence in other area's (sports, work, monetary, etc.)
However, those other area's of confidence can "bleed" into confidence with
women via social circles, social proof, modeling other successful behavior,
etc.

Social anxiety perhaps. See above on confidence differentials.

EG: conditioning for jiu jitsu or wrestling != conditioning from running long
distance (give it try :D, you'll die in exhaustion in 2-3 minutes)

 _Smart kids usually come from smart families._ ? Social pressure from family
to date someone "on the level" of themselves? Why would you care if you are
enjoying your time together? This is a personal problem, not your partners.

 _1) Smart people spent more time on achievements than on relationships when
growing up._

Social anxiety / awkward in social dynamics for "neglecting" the experiences
of such (does not have to be college oriented.)

 _So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same
way. Right? The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have,
the more girls (or boys) will like me. Right? Please say I’m right, because
I’ve spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I’m
going to be really bummed if you tell me it’s not going to get me laid._

Confidence and a sense of self, with varied interest is attractive. To
everyone (even outside of sexual relationships, meaning, interesting social
groups.)

 _2) Smart people feel that they’re entitled to love because of their
achievements._

Anger develops this way from many men, leading to vicious cycle of being a
bore, or creep :)

 _Part of the issue is this: when all of your personal energy is concentrated
in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god
forbid, the groin. By virtue of being born of the union of male and female,
yang and yin, you are a sexual being. Deal with it. Now do what you need to do
to perpetuate the race already. Use what mama amoeba gave you._

I think another point in the article to stop over analyzing and just "do."

 _3) When you don’t feel like a fully-realized sexual being, you don’t act
like one._

Sure... _"Perhaps you should consider thinking a little less then."_

Think less, go approach.

Though, not allowing yourself the mindset of "I deserve a fine young women,
intelligent, etc." mean's you may not be ready for such. Not in a way of
arrogance, in a way of self reflection.

 _4) You’re exceptionally talented at getting in the way of your own romantic
success._

Redundant content?

 _5) By virtue (or vice) of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet’s
inhabitants as a dating prospects_

 _Still, that’s less than one in five thousand people. And if you live in a
smaller city, it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your
stringent criteria._

This is a bull-shit excuse to not approach someone of interest, meaning,
anxiety. It is far more entertaining to approach a random woman, learning
something interesting, get a number, OR, get shot down to hell. Instead of,
being back to square 1 at 'zero' interaction. Many get stuck in that singular
approach > rejection > more fear, instead of approach > rejection > approach >
rejection approach > conversation / rejection > approach > number > approach >
number > approach > date or two > approach > rejection > repeat (decreased
amount of rejections after X approaches, confidence is contagious).

 _At this point, you have three choices:_

 _Loosen up_ _Do a very thorough search all over the planet and be prepared to
move to Düsseldorf OR_ _Join a monastery._ My hearty recommendation is choice
A. The purpose of relationship (and perhaps all of life) is to practice the
loving. No partner is going to be 100% perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate
people for what they have to offer, not what they don’t. And love them for
that. That’s what real loving is*

Or; stop thinking, loosen up, have fun, pursue many interests, draw people
into your circle of interests and meet interesting people.

For my own "disclaimer:"

-Social anxiety in high school, low-amount of dating -Went "insane" hitting on every woman in sight (attractive to me or not, it was building "skills" in rapport / flirting) for 2-3 years in my twenties, goals of short-term relationships. I ran this like a business. X amount of approaches, X amount of #'s, X amount of "dates", X amount of engagements. It normally averaged (after a month or so of getting destroyed by shutdowns :D) 4-12 phone #'s / week, 2-3 meetings, 1-2 engagements (sex or fling). -Found a great gal in mid twenties. Thought it could last long-term, lasted a few years, it didn't end up lasting. -More hermit like now, selective, higher "standards" of those I am interested in (in the sense of not being ridiculous with flirting with every girl around, not being snooty about it). I have fallen back into analysis paralysis TBH

-Keys to success? Getting rejected frequently. This leads to not caring (as much) with the emotional pain that brings. Approaching constantly, with a genuine interest in that person (not canned lines, but, if you have nothing to say, try a canned response anyway) -Having fun -Gotta be social. Must be around people / groups. Can't find "love" or multiple partners sitting at home 6x a week.

Notice how much of this applies to advice on entrepreneurship? During my
"insane" days of managing metrics driven women goals, I was also running my
lil business, with the same focus of #'s leading to results in sales /
production.

Cheers.

