
Why I am leaving the best job I ever had - jasondc
http://maxschireson.com/2014/08/05/1137/
======
kchoudhu
At some point, after basic needs are met, every working person is forced to
answer the following question with respect to the toll work takes on his or
her family: is it worth it?

It takes courage to say "no" and make a clean cut. Kudos to this gentleman for
doing what his family needs him to do.

~~~
mooreds
I recently confronted a similar situation (though the stakes were vastly
smaller when viewed externally). I am moving from being a full time employee
to a contractor where I can control my hours and spend time with my children
as they grow up. At least that's the plan!

I've always been of the opinion that once you have X dollars (for some
definition of X, which fluctuates), time is worth far more than money. This
opinion has only been reinforced by the arrival of my children.

(I do recognize how lucky I am that I have a choice.)

~~~
gordaco
To me that X is the amount needed to just survive, maybe a little more. Right
now I'm working far more that I'd like, that is, making far more money than I
need, since I'm far from being a big spender but I love having time for
studying or for long walks at the beach (my most expensive vice is in fact
studying, which is far cheaper in my country than in the US). It sucks that in
practice there's no way to work less than 40 hours a week, and less than 11
months a year, save for being unemployed (for quite a few reasons, becoming a
freelance would not improve that for me).

Right now, with my savings, I could expend 2 or 3 years without working, but
there is an implicit blackmail (companies don't hire you if you have been
unemployed for too long) that prevents me from taking a long sabbatical.

However, like you, I still recognize that I'm lucky. Some people don't have
the option of having even a month without a job.

~~~
chrisfosterelli
Do companies really discriminate if you've been unemployed for a few years,
even with good reason? I've never heard of that before, and would be
interested in knowing how common it is.

~~~
fokov
Yes many of them do discriminate against those that are unemployed whether it
be forced or on purpose. I took a 11 month sabbatical a few years ago and
there were many interviewers that just wouldn't believe that I purposefully
stopped working. I kept my college habits after gaining my first 'career'
position which allowed me to save up a bunch of money. Working in horrible
environments and extremely stressful jobs caused a bad personal situation
(where questions way beyond burnout such as "why am I even bothering at all"
started to be common every day) that I just had to get away. I spent a small
portion of the saved up money to do "nothing." Looking back I should have done
more things with my time but, as always, I can't go back and change it.

Sometimes certain people just need a real break. I think 2 weeks of vacation
is complete bullshit and the main reason why so many Americans are miserable,
and misery loves company. So many people live day-to-day, week-to-week that
they just can't even imagine those of us that are responsible with our money
and savings. In the end, I honestly believe they were just jealous they would
never be in a position where they could just walk away from everything. It
sucks, but I found a job after it and I was 100% honest with everyone when
asked why I took the time off. I had nothing to hide. It took a week and a day
of full time searching/interviewing to find a position with a decent company
on the way up even during the recent recession. I'm glad those interviewers
"cut" me from their list of potential hires because I wouldn't want to work
with people like that anyway. I still want to be my own boss, but I'm not
there yet.

------
lsc
I just think it's interesting that when I was at a major portal/search
company, it seemed like one bigwig or another would leave "to spend more time
with my family" every month or two. I mean, we were getting our ass kicked; it
seemed like every time we got a new head of X, they were going to "turn things
around" \- so it makes total sense that high-level heads would be rolling when
things failed to turn around, but we'd all roll our eyes when we got these
emails.

I don't want to take away from the validity of spending more time with your
family or what have you; I prefer working part-time myself, when I can make it
happen.

This looks way more sincere and well-written than most such notes; The notes
we got at this company usually looked like they were written by an HR person.
this reads like the man wrote it himself rather than handing it off to some HR
flack, and it certainly _feels_ true. It's well written, and after reading it,
I think better of him, and really, even if he is being pushed out, there's no
shame in leaving gracefully.

------
tootie
I'm not a CEO, but a working dad. I find that I have met little resistance
when I get up to pick up my kids at 5:30 or refuse travel (video chat is
cheaper than airfare). Being constantly connected is really helpful. I have my
work email and IM on my phone. I can respond to a message in between dinner
and bath time. I don't think I'd ever accept a job that didn't let me get away
with those things.

~~~
velocitypsycho
You'd be surprised how many places I've heard of that would give push back on
that.

They tend to be small startups that haven't had to "grow up" yet.

~~~
jtheory
It probably depends quite a bit on the people starting the company. Our CEO,
myself (CTO), and one of our developers are all fathers with children under 3
years old at home. A woman on our sales/support team recently took a chunk of
time to have a baby, and has returned to working initially very few, now
slowly-increasing hours.

We all work remotely, and sometimes at rather odd hours, to make this balance
possible. It's not always easy, of course, but we figure it out.

If you're trying to actually have a presence in your kids' lives but no one
else at work seems to have that facet in their lives, you're on your own, and
your work (and peace of mind!) are going to suffer as you try to pass for a
non-parent. But if you're working for people who know what you're dealing
with, they can offer flexibility that non-parenting employees wouldn't need,
share strategies and options, and trade stories.

This week, I've interviewed two candidates for senior developer roles who
_both_ have small children at home; I'm actually not sure if they were
specifically interviewing with us because we're getting a rep for being
parent-supportive, but that'd be interesting.

I can remember the other side of this; long before I ever thought about having
kids, I remember when a fellow developer had his first child. He only took off
for a week or so (we had 10 days vacation a year, and he stuck to that!), but
then he would stumble into the office looking pale and his work went to hell.
And of course his wife was home with the baby by herself all day, while he was
at the office being mostly useless.

It didn't occur to me at the time that there might be a better way to handle
it; though of course at the time it wasn't up to me anyway.

~~~
velocitypsycho
If your company wasn't in the UK I'd be tempted to apply.

You're probably right that they are coming to you because you may have a
reputation of being parent friendly.

------
goodcanadian
Thank you for posting this. I am a relatively new father, and I find myself
thinking along similar lines: possibly the best job I have ever had, but if
the right opportunity comes along for my wife, I would probably quit and
follow her. Unfortunately, for financial and logistical reasons it is not a
terribly good idea for me to quit now. Moreover, the possibility of working
fewer hours doesn't readily exist though short periods of leave without pay is
a possibility which I am getting closer to taking.

It is frustrating that no one talks about men balancing work and family.

------
Infinitesimus
I applaud this decision. It is very easy to get sucked into "Well, I need to
do this so I can support my family, etc." which is by no means a bad idea.
After all, every loving parent/spouse wants their family to be stable and well
provided for.

At some point - after your work has paid off and you find yourself in a
relatively stable place - it is worth asking that question. Success [in terms
of finances, accomplishments, etc.] means nothing if you have no one to share
it with[1]. I'm glad you made the difficult decision to invest in the people
you love and care about. Kudos.

[1] By that, I'm not saying we should overlook the impact one's 'success' [ a
loosely defined term] has on others. It is always hard to decide between
solving a problem - especially one which you are passionate about - and
investing in the people you love.

------
VikingCoder
TL;DR: Wealthy executive has freedom to choose to not work.

~~~
Infinitesimus
While it is true that he had a choice, let's not belittle the difficulty of
the decision. This isn't just about "some job". This is choosing to give up
one passion to pursue others.

But yes, I agree (and I think he would too) that he is lucky to be in a
position in life where he can actually choose.

~~~
mschireson
I am indeed incredibly lucky to be able to make this choice.

------
tomp
It's interesting how the mainstream media keep screaming how sexist geeks are
for not "accepting" women, but at the same time totally ignoring each and
every issue any member of any not-unprivileged group has. All the while I (a
self-professed geek) am wondering how my coworker manages both working 9-7
5days a week and being a dad to his 2weeks old twin daughters...

------
chris123
Hopefully we all "always" leave the best job we ever had. For example, the
best job I ever had when I was 15 was working at deli. I left that job for my
new "best job I ever had," which was at a nursery and garden center. Etc.
Obviously, we can all step "backwards," too, but generally most people leave
the "best job they ever had" most of the time they change jobs. Anyways! I
guess I just laid down some downvote and/or trolling bait? Just bear in mind
that what I wrote was intended to to be positive, uplifting, and forward
looking. It's all about the journey. There is no "destination."

------
remon
A very brave decision to make, especially given the growth MongoDB is
experiencing at the moment.

With that said I would like to add that as an early adopter of the technology
(read; most of our company's software is built with MongoDB as the storage
tier) I'm less than impressed with the technical leadership shown there. In
other words, I'm not overly familiar with Dev Ittycheria and I'm sure he's a
capable replacement for Max Schireson but what they really need is a new
technical leadership. There are some properly questionable technical decisions
being made or postponed that damage the reputation, maturity and usability of
their tech.

------
cdnsteve
Glad to see such transparency here from another dad. As a father of two we
often bite the bullet and sometimes loose track of work/life balance. Time
with loved ones is the most valuable asset a person can ever have. I'm sure
this story will inspire other's to reevaluate their path.

I recently changed my working hours from 7-3 so I can pickup my kids from
school. This way I get to spend more time with with and not put them in after
hours care.

What are others doing to get more work/life balance?

------
TheMagicHorsey
Regardless of what I think about MongoDB the database, this man seems like a
good leader based on his honesty. Showing this much vulnerability in public
isn't something CEOs usually do without a public scandal.

I'm curious if this guy is a professional manager or grew into this role as a
founder. Because this sort of communication doesn't strike me as the sort of
thing that would come out of the keyboard of an MBA or career manager.

~~~
mschireson
Theoretically I am a career manager but I feel more like a hybrid between that
and an entrepreneur. I have done mostly management roles but more on the
technical side, some individual contributor stints, and joined my last two
companies quite early (8 employees and 27).

------
piratebroadcast
Good on this guy. Enjoy your family and your life, mate.

------
aceperry
Amazing post from someone who's done amazing things and has an amazing life.
He's also done a great job of highlighting the different expectations and
demands between men and women in the workplace. This reminds me of someone
else who changed directions in life but received a surprisingly large amount
of criticism. ([http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ellen-huerta/why-i-left-
google...](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ellen-huerta/why-i-left-
google_b_3795140.html)) I have the suspicion that Schireson will not get the
same amount of criticism that Huerta received when she wrote her article. But
in any case, it will be interesting to see how Schireson's post will be
received.

------
illini123
As the son of a mother who gave up her full-time (and lucrative) career to
raise her kids, I applaud you for having the courage to speak out on this.
Witnessing how cousins of mine turned out (one parent was CEO of a major
international firm, the other an accomplished investor), I will always remain
indebted to my parents for making the choices they did.

Both women and men can have it all, but not everything at the same time. Best
of luck in your new roles at MongoDB and with your family.

------
seestheday
I'm not saying that this is happening here, but isn't the standard line when a
c level is pushed out that they are leaving to spend more time with their
family?

I actually believe max here.

------
leothekim
Arguably, he's leaving _for_ the best job he's ever had. Congratulations and
best of luck to you, Max! I'm happy for (and just a bit jealous of) you.

------
mathattack
Good for him. Once you realize that it's not worth it any more, better to hand
over the reigns quickly rather than sit on it indefinitely.

------
woodchuck64
I predict a society where men, women, couples work until age 60-70 and then
retire and have children (assuming medical advances).

~~~
tomp
Why not have children when you're 25, then work from 45 until the end of your
life?

~~~
crpatino
Because that would imply that the grand parents are the bread winners in the
family, instead of "enjoying their golden years".

~~~
tomp
Instead, we could make "the golden years" between 25 and 45.

~~~
crpatino
Try convincing the Baby Boomers that, aside from not having a retirement any
time soon, and aside from having their kids moving back home, they will be
moving back with their significant other and get their own families started on
Boomer's dime.

It's like that pop-psi tale about the guy who never knew what chicken breast
tasted like. When being a child, his mother reserved the breast for the father
because "he's the one who keeps us fed and clothed". Later when he was a grown
up, his wife reserved the breast for the children because "they deserve the
very best".

~~~
russgray
The irony being that the breast is the least-flavourful, blandest part of the
chicken, and all those years he was actually dining on the best bits without
knowing?

~~~
crpatino
You are so right, sir! On so many levels...

------
nathan_f77
This is really impressive.

------
kghose
Does Dev have kids?

~~~
mschireson
Yes, but he lives in NY so will have less travel.

