
Started a stupid company. Failed.  - themanthatfell
Ran out of money. Ran out of credit. Losing house in two months (already foreclosed). Wife pregnant. Three kids all under 6. Pretty sure I am the opposite of everyone here. I am no man. Just a statistic. Everything is gone. Selling spare parts to keep the lights on. It was a nice fantasy, HN. To the rest of you: fight hard and good luck.
======
zedshaw
Hey, other comments are going to give you a few lines telling you to not quit,
that you should hang in there, and that it'll be alright. That may be true,
but to me it sounds like you're possibly not doing well enough to make any of
that possible, and you probably need to find work fast. Here's what I want to
do:

1\. I have a little list of companies looking for employees that I'll send
you. Not much just companies that have contacted me looking for people. 2\. I
am a bad ass writer and have a crazy resume, but more importantly I know how
to craft resumes and I'll look at yours and help you fix it up. 3\. If you're
in the San Francisco area I'll meet up with you and listen to what happened
and see if there's a way to work out of it, or at least listen. 4\. If you
email me at help@learncodethehardway.org I'll talk with you and see if there's
other ways I can help.

I'm serious, hit me up on email and I'll help out if I can. In fact, this goes
for anyone else looking for work right now. Email the above and I'll reply
with my little list. I don't make commissions on placement or anything like
that, just a good thing to do.

~~~
singular
I have for a while thought of you as (total honesty here) a bullying cock
(though talented at what you do), but this comment which is sincere, genuine
and offered to someone for whom this could be greatly helpful has made me
seriously reconsider. Kudos.

~~~
zedshaw
Well, here we go again. You'll call me a cock, and then I'll rip you in half
verbally, and then you'll forget that you called me a cock and go off telling
everyone I'm such a big bad bullying meanie for all the horrible awful things
I said to you, and then I'll be crushed by the general opinion all you highly
influential meaningful people have about me that I'll...

Wait, actually I don't give a fuck what you think. I'm busy helping people
while you're busy calling me a cock. Fuck you.

~~~
singular
...but this comment which is sincere, genuine and offered to someone for whom
this could be greatly helpful has made me seriously reconsider. Kudos.

I felt you'd appreciate an unhedged opinion rather than me adding a bunch of
weasel words like "I had the impression, right or wrong, that you were a
bullying cock..."

I meant to say, very sincerely, that I was moved by your offer of help and it
very much made me reconsider my opinion, as that gesture of kindness is really
at odds with that impression of you.

So - sorry for calling you a cock. I thought what you did here was very noble
and I admire it. I just felt there was no other way of expressing what I felt
without being cowardly and weasel-worded about it.

~~~
j1o1h1n
I hate to be go all happy family on you, but please avoid swear words in a
public forum like hacker news. There are enough forums where that sort of
behaviour is a part of the culture and it degrades everyone.

~~~
nollidge
What you're actually asking is for people to repress their emotions, and
that's way more degrading.

~~~
overgryphon
There are many ways to express emotions.

~~~
pvirgiliu
Ah... and you know the right way.

~~~
qstyk
In a civil, intellectual manner that shows deliberate thought, as opposed to
letting garbage tumble from the mouth, perhaps?

------
themanthatfell
My wife cried reading all of your comments. I guess we were looking for some
sign that someone somewhere is pulling for us. During the first hour this post
was up I hovered over the delete more than once. It doesn't seem right to
bring an entire ecosystem of ambitious and wonderful people a story of
failure. I guess I learned that hitting delete would be worse. Thank you from
the 5.3 of us.

~~~
AndrewKemendo
These stories should be required reading. To that end the community would
benefit massively from you documenting it.

Just as there are Journals of Negative results [1][2] so too should there be a
journal of failed startups. Your detailing of what caused the failures could
save thousands of man hours and potentially someone falling into the same
traps.

Goal #1 for you right now is to get your family in order and steel the troops
for tough times ahead as you get back on your feet.

In short order though you should start simply documenting the process that led
to your company failing. Not only will you learn from it but it will help
others.

If you are in the DC area don't hesitate to reach out to myself and my family.
We have kiddos the same ages as yours so they would have a ball.

[1] [http://www.jnrbm.com/](http://www.jnrbm.com/) [2] [http://www.jnr-
eeb.org/index.php/jnr](http://www.jnr-eeb.org/index.php/jnr)

~~~
Killah911
I'm sure that would be nice to have. I'm can relate to OP, I'm out of pretty
my all of my savings and trying to think of ways to shutter my co. I already
have four kids. When a friend of mine said to me, "perhaps we should disect
this failure", the zing from that made it all that much worse.

I'm sure there's plenty of lessons to be learned from failed startups, but
even 5 years after my first failed startup, I still don't like thinking about
it, least of all documenting what went wrong.

Now, fortunately I do have a venture that's been somewhat of a runaway
success, in spite of me. The only truth I can relate do what you must and then
get lucky. There isn't some secret method to success(despite what your
methodical brain tells you).

It may be survivor bias or whatever, but I still don't like harping on my
failures. I know the severe guilty feeling that I get knowing that I not only
risked my own but my family's well being possibly, but then again, at least I
tried. Life's tough, live to fight another day & survive long enough till you
get lucky. I for one am not looking to revisit my failure any more than I
already do, it's too traumatic to relive.

~~~
AndrewKemendo
I can't speak for your situation so don't take this as a goad, only my
thoughts on the idea of doing a triage/after action/autopsy.

I know that feeling. I have failed before and hard. I did however resolve to
ensure that it wasn't for nothing by, as your co-founder suggested, dissecting
it. What I found was that instead of it just being a downer, I realized how
many good things were done and how many exciting developments, both personally
and professionally came out of what was at the end of the day a failure.

In the end the margin of failure can be tiny - but I would guarantee that you
will also be able to find some massive successes in there as well. Adding to
that the benefit that others would take away and I think it would be of great
benefit.

------
avenger123
You are a husband, and a father. To me, that is never failure, no matter what
happens.

Keep it together for your family. Your kids and wife need you right now. You
are the pillar of the house and if you stand tall your strength will make the
rest of your family emotionally better off.

So you may lose the house. Happens to a lot of people.

Whatever money you have right now or can get, keep it. Stop paying any of your
bills, except the necessities.

Who knows how many weeks, months it will be until you are kicked out. Stay in
your house until you are forced to leave. When you do have to leave, go get a
rental.

Go find your self whatever jobs you can get to get some income coming in. This
could be delivering pizza, snow romoval, mowing lawns, etc..

While your doing this, find another software job.

None of this is easy but see this as another start up. This time its literally
to start you back up again.

Remember, you are in the States, no matter what happens, your wife and kids
will never go hungry. You will provide for them no matter what.

~~~
dsarch
Amazing comment !

I do not know the level of despair this man has been going through to, but I'm
sure this kind of comment will make him feel better.

Thank you for your kindness, world really need more people like Zed and like
you.

------
31reasons
I don't care if I get down voted. But if a person already has 3 kids and
another on the way, why would you spend all your savings on a startup ? even
if you run out of savings, why would you max out your credit ? There is
something called calculated risk.

~~~
marshray
Sometimes I think I envy people who can think like you do.

But I find people who know what it means to be irrational are far more
interesting.

~~~
lgieron
You forfeit the freedom to be irrational when you have a child, let alone four
of them.

~~~
jaxn
As a parent of 6, I call bullshit.

I want my kids to take risks. I want them to challenge the status quo. I want
them to think for themselves. I want them to appreciate the irrational.

I don't care if they get an xbox for Christmas.

~~~
BHSPitMonkey
I'm pretty sure we're discussing taking risks that could move your kids into
foster care because you're homeless, not the risk of not being able to afford
an Xbox.

~~~
jaxn
No we are not. It might be rough while the dad gets a job, but people don't go
from startup founder to homeless.

~~~
BHSPitMonkey
... said jaxn in the thread about the guy whose home is being foreclosed upon
because he lost his credit and mortgage money in a gamble.

~~~
jaxn
I don't know how many kids you have or how many failed startups you have had,
but I have some very relevant experience here. Give it 3 months and ask the OP
if he ended up homeless.

------
joshmn
I'm mobile now so excuse the brevity.

If you're in the Twin Cities I'd like to extend a hand in you running on two
legs. I'd also like to help out giving your little ones a memorable Christmas.
No strings attached.

I can get you in front of some bigger names here and get you interviews,
depending on what you do. tbese

Email is josh@josh.mn

~~~
zacharycohn
Class act, as always Josh.

------
tomasien
If you're really done, don't listen to the people saying "don't give up" \-
give up, and get back on your feet, whatever that takes. Then, get back on the
horse when and if you're ready - I just came off a year of re-building my life
after a failed startup, and I'm in such an insanely better position to start
my next company now than I was then, but it's only been made possible by the
fact that the moment we realized the funding was not going to happen, we gave
up.

We had a shitty 4 months, and it could be longer for you it could be shorter,
but go through it and come out the other side. My new startup is now about to
close funding, but it only happened because we put ourselves in the position
to succeed, not by continuing to try to force something that wasn't going to
happen.

Knowing when you're dead is the first step.

~~~
movebits
good advice, iteration works :)

------
Michael_Murray
I'm on my 5th company. The first 3 failed so miserably that there's not even a
crater from where they imploded. The fourth had one of the founders usurp
control and steal >$1M from the rest of the team and we were left exactly
where you are - tapping 401Ks, taking our savings to $0 (and in some cases
<<<< $0) and with terrified wives/kids/families/pets.

The 5th hit $10M in revenue in 3 years (completely bootstrapped).

Everyone else has great advice here - I just wanted you to know that there are
others who have been where you are.

Much as everyone else expressed... if there's anything I can do, please reach
out. mmurray / at / MAD Security.

~~~
alex_c
>The first 3 failed so miserably that there's not even a crater from where
they imploded.

Beautiful way to put it.

~~~
Michael_Murray
Thanks. I watched my partners struggle with wives and kids. Me, I only had a
wife and cats... which made it easier in some ways, and harder in others....

------
PhasmaFelis
To the OP: Thank you for sharing this. I'm sure it wasn't easy. I hope that
some of the many folks offering help can give you a leg up.

To everyone else: I like HN, but I often wish that it really was Hacker News
instead of Startup News, and this is one reason why. I worked for a startup
for a while, until it folded; now I'm maintaining servers at a university
library, making mid-five digits a year, and I'm as happy as I've ever been.
I've got stability, I've got low stress levels, I work 40 hours a week and
then relax at home or with my friends; and I've got enough money to live
comfortably, save for retirement, and have a few luxuries besides.

We need to stop telling aspiring coders that they're not worth shit unless
they're taking risks, burning with ambition, dreaming of being billionaires.
Some people really enjoy that road, and that's okay, but sometimes taking the
safe and easy path is a perfectly fine and noble thing to do.

~~~
charlieflowers
It's true. None of us (in the "first world" at least) are truly short on
money. What we're short on is time (life is short). The wisest advice I ever
found on Hacker News was to live each day such that (1) it is enjoyable today,
and (2) it also improves your prospects for tomorrow. If you neglect either
one of those, you're screwing up and you'll eventually regret it.

------
tigersharktopus
Hey bud,

Hitting the bottom after a long fall is the hardest thing you can go through
in life. A year ago I was working on my own stupid startup, ran out of money,
ran out of credit, wasn't sure there would be another blue sky in my life.
Everyone has ups and downs, its the hardest thing to go through.

However, life is not over. It may feel like it, and you may even want it to
be. But YOU are still writing YOUR story -- do you want to be the guy who fell
and didn't get back up? Fuck no. You want to be the guy who had nothing left
and no matter how far down the rabbit hole you go, you find a way back out.
You want to be a success. You want it all. You'll have it all someday. Is that
day today? No. But because you're still alive you have the chance to make it a
reality.

So get back up, find work, pay off bills, and you'll be back in the game
before you know it. You're intelligent, smart, driven. Remember -- do not let
failure dictate who you are. You're not a failure, failure is simply something
that happens to all of us. Learn from failure and let it compliment your
decision making in the future. You'll be wiser and you'll learn from this
mistake.

Good luck and I'll see you around, Tiger

~~~
fletchowns
You have a decent enough point you're trying to get across, but the 'bud' and
'tiger' really cheapen it. I mean, you're responding to a grown man and father
of (almost) 4 here, not some pre-teen kid.

~~~
philwebster
"Tiger" is referring to himself (see username), but you're right about "bud".
I hate being called bud.

------
JesseAldridge
I worked on my own stuff for a long time, trying to live off next to nothing.
It didn't work and eventually I ran out of money.

I got a job as a programmer-grunt. I saved up basically everything I made.
After two years my bank account hit $50K and I quit and started working on my
own stuff again. Life is so much easier now that I have some cash in the bank.

Burning through credit cards seems like a bad path. It's just not necessary. I
remember being afraid I would get addicted to easy money in the corporate
world. I didn't. The lifestyle was nice, but the lack of freedom made it easy
to quit.

Now, I don't have a family to support. That would of course make things
harder. I just wanted to strongly recommend the nest-egg approach to anyone
grappling with finances.

------
pallandt
You should comment with a list of skills, maybe either a fellow HN-er offers
you a job, or knows someone else that might be able to.

It's close to Christmas guys, help this person if you can.

 __Edit __: Also, I noticed you said you 're pretty sure you're the opposite
of 'us', I can assure you, there's at least another 'failure' to join you, me.
I've failed plenty of times in various ways. I used to have a company (not a
startup in the common sense though, just a small business) as well some time
ago, it didn't fail per se, but I ended up closing it voluntarily because
things weren't going in the direction I wanted them to, lots of external
factors out of my reach. I felt terrible about it for quite a long time
though...now I'm better.

------
dennisgorelik
You are in an unpleasant situation, but not in a tragedy by no means. To put
things into perspective: imagine you have successful company but got
pancreatic cancer.

Your to-do list is pretty straightforward:

1) Put your failed startup aside.

2) Find a job ASAP.

3) Try to save your house. Your family would need it. Beg your bank to give
you ~extra month until your next paycheck.

4) In about a year you may return to thinking about another startup. Take
another year or two to think it over, accumulate some funds, do some part-time
research and then jump into your new startup again... or not. Being an
employee until you retire is also a good choice.

~~~
gxespino
I disagree about the house. Lose it. Strategic foreclosure is 100x better than
continuing to pay for something you're going to lose anyway. Ride it out as
long as you can, save what you can from the mortgage payments, then move into
a rental when it's time to go.

~~~
13hours
Just curious, because other comments also mention staying as long as you can
and then getting a rental : wouldn't the first part mess up your credit record
so badly that you couldn't get a rental? Here in South Africa I'm pretty sure
almost no landlord will rent you something with a bad credit record like that
(having gone through the process of renting a place and seeing all the proof
they require that you'll be able to pay). Probably because it's very hard to
get rid of tenants once they're in though, so you have to make sure they're ok
before they move in. Is it different in the States?

Same thing with employing someone here, you have to be very sure they'll fit,
because it's VERY hard to fire someone.

~~~
gxespino
Foreclosure is so common that a decent landlord will understand the situation.
I'm a landlord myself and income trumps credit in most situations.

Bad credit can be overcome with a bigger deposit, higher rate, and proof of
income. In the end those things still mean more money in his pocket as opposed
to spending a few extra months futily trying to save a home in foreclosure.

------
megablast
With 3 kids and another on the way, this is a risk you should never have
taken. Even when I started, a single bloke, I started my company in my spare
time working full time, and built up a huge safety net before quitting.

This is more a warning for others who think it is easy, or a fun thing to do.
Don't.

~~~
avenger123
You know what, this has been stated a couple of times now.

Your point is valid but every person's situation is different.

And frankly, its a moot point now. The dude is where he is at. I'm sure he
knows better than any of us ever will what went wrong and the risks (good and
bad) he took.

------
johnnyg
If you are in Houston, johnny@cpap.com.

Give us a paypal link and we'll gap you.

------
pjungwir
I don't see anyone who's mentioned Portland, OR yet. If you're around there,
I'd be happy to talk: pj@illuminatedcomputing.com. My startup failed two years
ago, with a homemaker wife, two kids 2 & 0, no health insurance, and almost no
savings. Pretty scary. I've been freelancing since then and it's a huge relief
to be out of that place. You have more support than you know!

------
vertis
I'm going to echo a few other people here. You need to share more details
(Location, etc)

Zed Shaw may be the most famous, but there is a bunch of us that can do things
to help.

On the off chance you're in Australia (or if you just want a someone to talk
to about this), feel free to email me at me@vertis.io

------
brianbreslin
Trust me you are not the opposite of most people here. This site thrives on
"survivor bias" and making it seem like its all rosy. If you're in Miami, I
can help you get a job in startups.

------
vellum
You should take Zed up on his offer. If you want to be entrepreneurial again,
you can be, after you’ve built up your bankroll. When you’re broke with
dependents, you don’t have the emotional ability to make good decisions.

~~~
w0rd-driven
Very good points. Just recently being married has me in a strange provider
mode where it wants to reign as long in my life. 5 dependents vs 1 is an even
tougher game.

Stability is king but it ultimately comes down to happiness and joy. The path
the op is on doesn't seem happy and I can speak to that personally. Everyone
needs a reboot now and then. I don't expect most startups to succeed 100% of
the time but the successful founders keep at it until they find that balance
of the right problem to solve and the right attitude to persevere.

------
l0c0b0x
> Pretty sure I am the opposite of everyone here.

I am one like you with a wife and 3 Kids, that at one point couldn't afford
bills/payments (exactly during this holiday season), Dec/January and February
were the coldest and weakest I have ever felt as a man. Look at your wife and
kids for an extremely good amount of energy and inspiration to go on and fight
for them.

During these tough times, nothing comes better than believing in that 'one
thing' that will always be true, and that is the love for your family. That's
what helped me.

Somewhat cliche now, but it is true: It will get better.

~~~
l0c0b0x
...and of course, if you're in Washington State ( l o c o b o x @ that google
domain for email )

:)

~~~
jroseattle
Same here -- wife, 2 kids, house and in Seattle. More than happy to try to
help a colleague.

------
fygwtclub
I consider myself a lot less Smarter than people here on HN so I never
comment. But your 70 words made me.

'Manthatfell' \- You are a very brave person to write something up like this
very openly. But, If a Man of the Family loses hope it tears that family
apart. Trust me. I observed this very closely. HN Community is so strong, kind
and supportive.

You already found a lot helping hands. You are now 'Manthatfellbutgotup'. Just
start Running..

------
strwbrry
As a creator (don't like calling myself an entrepreneur) I have failed more
than 30 times and out of this I lost everything 3 times and personally went
bankrupt 1 week before my wedding (talked about this on Mixergy during Andrews
failure week).

I'm now on my third success and each new project seems to get better and
bigger, I still launch something that sucks here and there but I enjoy the
journey and NOT the attachment to the end result.

I hate to sound all Zen here but failure is normal. I wish I had three kids,
wish my wife was pregnant - you lucky man.

Failure cannot live with persistence.

90% of what we do sucks! but that's ok.

You really have no control over your future so enjoy the path.

From one guy that fails to another! @scottsbarlow

------
jason_slack
I have failed on 5 different ventures. Now going to try a 6th.

I am in the Bay Area. If we share a common grocery store. I'd be happy to send
you a gift card for some groceries.

~~~
jason_slack
EDIT: Some of the ideas, for the curious, not in correct order

1\. I thought that I could use Trolltech QT, when the green phone was coming
out, to write apps, etc. The green phone never took off and was horrible to
program with

2\. I was writing backup software, OSX, successfully. Took on a partner for
sales and he essentially killed everything. Sold the source code after a few
years of it sitting idle for a few macBook's and misc hardware.

3\. Started a 501c3 for storing information and could never get to writing the
product with all the administration duties, compliance issues, etc.

4\. Started an ISP back in 2003-2005 when I lived in a small town in NY. It
was pretty successful. I broke even with all the bandwidth expenses, racks of
hardware, etc. Eventually sold for very cheap when I just couldn't keep up
with the company that had been in town for ever.

5\. I bought a popular text editor and worked on it for years and just
couldn't get it to where I wanted it. I always had more to do and just
couldn't get versions out. I still have this code and consider getting back to
it some day.

~~~
chipotle_coyote
I thought your name looked vaguely familiar, then read bullet point 5 there.
This editor wouldn't have happened to be Pepper, would it? I always wondered
what happened to it after it had been bought. (I may have bought a license for
Pepper; I know I had one for its BeOS predecessor Pe.)

~~~
jason_slack
Pepper indeed!

------
dennisgorelik
Please share some more details - it would help us to give you more targeted
advice:

1) What was the mission of your failed startup?

2) What was your personal role in it?

3) What city are you in?

~~~
michaeltsai
this would be great

------
jval
Hey dude, please post up a BTC address so we can send you some cash to tide
you over.

~~~
gigq
Yes please do, I'd also contribute.

------
mtsmith85
Hey There. 138 comments in, it may seem trite, but if you're in NYC, please
shoot me an e-mail (info in my profile). I'm hiring across the board; even if
it's just freelance to get you back on your feet, we can work something out.
Please e-mail.

------
lemonberry
I've had one of the toughest years of my life. One thing I kept doing was
writing a gratitude list. Almost daily. It may have saved my life. Good luck.

------
dodyg
This is my worst nightmare - I have had my company for 10 years and we've come
close to this position twice, first in 2008 during the global economic
collapse and second in 2011 when the country I am in had a revolution. I can
still remember the stomach churning fear in my stomach during the worse
periods.

Good luck to you and your family - it was a brave thing to do. I pray that you
get back on your feet as soon as possible.

------
rjohnk
While not completely analogous, when I graduated with a 4 year degree, I
didn't know what to do in life. Went back to grad school - then exited - still
lost. Two hospital stays with a wife and young child. No job. Life sucked. If
your religious, cling to that. If not, cling to your wife and kids. THEY are
the important thing.

I am religious, so I will be praying for you that everything will turn out.
Keep us posted, man.

------
hakkasan
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort
and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy"

You do what you need to get and your family through this. That's only only
game that's important. The rest of this is just icing. If you are in Europe or
the Bay Area feel free to reach out to me @kzhu. I'll help if I can.

------
dcarmo
It just seems wrong to have three kids under 6 and a wife pregnant and still
try your luck on creating a new company. I think before anything else, you
need to be responsible with the ones that depends on you.

~~~
acuozzo
s/wrong/selfish and irresponsible/

------
yogo
Hang in there man. Care to share more about what kind of company? How big of a
gamble was it?

------
001sky
Bad bet to make or a good bet with a bad outcome? You may have already
commented as much as you feel comfortable with, but would be important for
readers to understand perhaps more on this point. In any event, this has some
bearing on even how you perceive yourself when you say 'just a statistic'.

------
AnotherDesigner
I wish you well. Do whatever it takes to keep your family comfortable, regroup
and get ready to fight again. In todays economy, we're all entrepreneurs. You
don't get to keep a job your entire life like some of our parents/grandparents
did. You fight every day for your family, hustle, make friends, call in favors
and help those that need it.

You tried. And you should try again. You've learned something from this but
you won't get a chance to use it unless you try again.

> Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not:
> nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not;
> unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full
> of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. —
> Calvin Coolidge

------
aioprisan
If you're in Boston and if there's anything that I can do, listening or some
freelance work, we're always looking for talented people at Splitzee.com.

Also, full disclosure, I am the CTO of splitzee.com, a group fundraising
platform. I wanted to share the link so that if anyone wants to create a
collection for this guy, please let me know so I can make sure that there are
no fees and that he gets every penny. Splitzee is a fundraising platform that
can be used for any cause, and this type of fundraiser is what we see our site
being used for all the time. I don't want my intentions to be misconstrued, I
would love to see any collection set up so I can pitch in a few dollars, I
just hadn't seen one, and really do think Splitzee would be a great choice.
All the best!

------
BalancedThought
Hey Man, Husband and Father. I have a large amount of respect for you. My only
suggestion is to apologize to your wife and family for not being able to
provide now. The love and forgiveness that you receive from them will lift a
weight off you that you may not know is there.

Also, remember, you aren't the first Man, Husband or Father to be in this
situation and that you are not alone. At this point, make sure not to be
prideful and accept the gifts of known and unknown people who want to help you
out. None of us made it to where we are without the help of family or the kind
words of strangers.

This too shall pass and you will come out even stronger. I am in the New York
area and depending on what you do, I might be able to help introduce you to
people. You can reach me at rwoodruf at gmail dot com.

~~~
err4nt
Man you're making me tear up here. Guys more often base their SELF-worth on
their usefulness in their career than women, so when a man fails in his work
or can't provide he often feels worthless as a human being. This is a FALLACY
and it's not even true for a second. OP said he wasn't even a man anymore and
that's heartbreaking to me. We all need a support net, every single one of us!

------
brianmcdonough
Keep your head up and don't be afraid to reach out to this community or others
for help. All is not lost and you are no different than anyone here, though
you may have over-extended yourself. Beating yourself up will not help you or
your family.

------
smtddr
Dude, you got a paypal donation link somewhere? Just put it in your HN profile
if ya want.

------
happywolf
Here are two things you can consider:

1) Document why your company failed and have a PayPal Donate Button. I think a
lot of people here will appreciate your sharing and glad to donate. I myself
am one.

2) List out your skills and see if any remote work can be arranged.

------
scheezer
[http://www.quora.com/What-Does-It-Feel-Like-to-X/What-
does-i...](http://www.quora.com/What-Does-It-Feel-Like-to-X/What-does-it-feel-
like-to-suddenly-lose-all-your-wealth)

------
victortrac
If you're in Austin, NYC, or SF and want to work for a decent company, I may
be able to help. victor@victortrac.com.

------
digitalzombie
This is exactly the reason why I don't want to do anything like this.

I didn't get marry or get kids or build any asset because I want a stable
career first before I start taking the plunge into starting a company.

Hell I thought about it. And that I can even mitigate the risk to with LLC/INC
and I can do it on the side while having a part time or a consultancy job. If
my bet doesn't work I can continue to work anyway. My plan was to get a stable
and consistence income while having something on the side because it would
lower my risk.

Anyway, thank you for posting this and I hope it gets better for you.

------
Edmond
Not sure how old you, but one of the central sacrifices that a young
entrepreneur has to be ready to make is on the matter of family formation.

The moment you are a family man, things are different, you can still try
starting a business but you really need to think long and hard about what you
are doing before you make a move.

In fact I would say if you already have a family to support the only business
you should start is one where you already have customers lined up ready to
pay, or you have investor money to cushion you.

Good luck with everything am sure things will work out.

------
Altan
I can't even imagine the pain you're going through. I know it's tough to think
rationally now, but if theres one thing that'd help is that you need to write
down and memorize everything that went wrong so you never do it again once you
get your second chance (everyone deserves a good second chance).

Hang in there man, you'll be surprised how many good people are out there that
are willing to help. Never stop asking, never give in, always remember what
you're fighting for. You'll be in my thoughts

------
skyraider
Check the Who's Hiring and Seeking Freelancer posts here. The November ones
may still be active. Also, just to re-emphasize, you should post a list of
skills in this thread.

------
mikesickler
Remember this: the startup failed, but you're not a failure, and you'll start
another company again in the future. I'll bet you learned a hell of a lot this
time around, and you'll be in a much better position to succeed NEXT time!

And you're not the opposite of everyone here. Two weeks after I soft-launched
my startup in 2012, my wife and I separated. This is my _2nd_ divorce, by the
way, at age 37. Boy, did I feel like a failure! I was financially ruined, and
my startup was put on ice for nearly a year as I battled depression and got
back on my feet. I had some dark, dark days, believe me.

Now, though, I have a terrific co-founder (and no, it's not wife #3. Learned
my lesson!), and while we're just getting started with sales, things are
looking great and I couldn't be happier. Draw on your family for energy and
support right now. Make sure you have someone to talk to, be it your wife, a
friend, or a therapist. Give yourself permission to put the startup dream on
hold, and work at an office for a while.

Finally: Read 'Feeling Good' by David Burns. This book really, really saved my
ass. Best of luck, happy holidays, and keep fighting the good fight!

------
brianmcdonough
I'm based in Santa Monica. If you're in the area and I'll buy you lunch, give
you a pep talk and help get you back on your feet in any way I can.

------
vasundhar
Hey Buddy,

It happens to many, It happened to me. Entrepreneurship as we all know is not
easy, if you are financially unstable don't think the world is Goog to end day
after tomorrow. It doesn't and shouldn't. Get a relief, get your skills tuned,
get employed somewhere and work on your passion and if things work out you can
be / will be a success story. However don't Loose hope and passion for what
you do. Beat wishes .

------
knackernews
Don't be the man that fell. Be the man who fell, got back up and kept going.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.

And please read up on birth control and family planning.

~~~
ars_technician
>And please read up on birth control and family planning.

WTF is that? Did it ever occur to you that they may have intended to have
children?

Your comment is not only useless, it's offensive. When you have your first
child, you are already bombarded with literature on birth control and family
planning. The last thing they need is some person on the Internet making a
suggestion that implies their family was a mistake and that they don't know
basic things about where their children came from.

~~~
knackernews
Really, when you're betting everything on startups, which is a risky endeavor,
it's best not to have 4 kids (3 of which look like they'll be in college at
the same time) until you're well settled.

Also I did think of editing that part out because I know it makes me look like
a giant asshole, but it was too late.

------
mililani
Hey man, sorry to hear. I really hope things work out for you. I really do.
But, even if things go south for a long time, I sort of envy you. At least
you've tried. I haven't done shit. I keep wanting to try. At least I can say
at the end of my life, "You know what? I wasn't a success, but I followed my
dreams and passions."

But, I still hope your situation will be better several years from now.

~~~
antonius
Never too late to try. I'm beginning to figure this out now.

------
edgecrafter
TL;DR summary: Watch the burn rate on your money - bail out or adjust before
to late. Reboot - do anything to get a foot on job market again.

Almost the same here. Quitted a well paid job, sold my flat giving enough
money to live on for a couple of years, moved together with girlfriend
starting a webshop and loose plans on freelancing as IT-consultant too.

Webshop not taking off and I neglect to pursue consultants job, thus not
keeping myself "warm" in the market.

One year later I form a start-up with 2 other guys. 5 months down the road I
realize this is not going fast enough - I'm seriously running out of money,
about to sell all I own, which only will pay bills for another 2-3 months.

Miraculous, through a friend, I get a break on a consultant gig for 2 months.
Another stroke of luck (and marketing myself) this is followed by another gig
for 5 months in a new company and the consultant path now on track with a
third gig.

The two co-founders took it were badly I jumped ship, as I were the only
techguy, although we had outlined the consequences if doing so (no share of
company/product) if leaving within first year.

Lesson learned: Do your math, look at $ burnrate. If you go "all in" you might
risk "go all out" if you keep going to long. If co-starting something with
others be very clear on terms for quitting, and be sure it's ok to do so.

Scary experience loosing almost everything .... Webshop now very slowly
getting tracktion - but still not earning "real money" to live by. Still got
some startup ideas, but will be outsourced or groomed as side projects

Best of luck to you. Endure the next period, focus to get a foothold in
jobmarket again.

------
mugenx86
You may have lost your dream, but you have gained time to focus on your family
and well being.

Find a job and take it easy for a while. Rebuild and come back stronger!

------
rrich
I don't know that there is much I can do to help you, but sometimes it helps
to just know you're not alone. You are not alone. You are not the opposite of
everyone here.

It sucks, it sucks big time, I know, I'm in the exact same boat. My business
has sustained my family for the past fifteen years and over the past year I
have lost clients that have been with me from the beginning due to industry
consolidation and pricing pressures. If you hold tough this will pass and you
will be stronger than ever. You have that spirit and drive within you. You
wouldn't have begun the journey if you didn't.

Please know that this is part of the journey and has no reflection on how you
are as a father or husband. Regroup, get back to the basics and try again when
the time is right. There are amazing people here that are willing to help
others, and among those amazing people is you. You shared your story. Many
people, including myself, can't bring ourselves to do that, but the
willingness to share your story allows us all to know we are not alone on this
journey.

------
vik_psiphilabs
I guess you stuck on to your dreams a bit too long. Well, we all do, that's
the point. Nobody can tell you that's a wrong thing, even if it sometimes
seems logical in the real world.

Well, if I step into your shoes it might take me a while to listen to the
suggestions of all these people who are genuinely trying to help you. Your
brain just shuts off and cant think straight. You need to find a way to
somehow let it out. Cant say go backpack for a few days because you have a
family to take care of...but try talking to friendly strangers, do something
you haven't tried before(in a good sense) that doesn't cost money, just
somehow get everything out of your system, try unplugging even if its for 2-3
days and then come back and read the comments again. I'm sure you'll see
things much more clear. The help is already here!

That was as honest and close I can get to feel what you might be going
through. Having said that, its always easier said than done. God bless you!
Dont forget to comment to this thread once you are back up and strong! :)

------
luistroche
Hang in there. At this time is important for you to get back on your feet as
soon as possible. Find a job and be there for your family. About the
foreclosure: did you talk to a lawyer? can you delay the process a little
longer?. About your company: can you share some information about your
visions?. What do you think went wrong?. My best regards for you and your
family.

------
chaostheory
You had guts. Most people don't have that. You have perseverance. Most people
don't have that either. You also have your health, you have a great wife, and
it sounds like your family is healthy as well so that's a few big things that
most people don't have.

You also haven't failed yet until you stop trying.

Houses are also never really anyone's until they fully pay it off anyways. In
most cases, people are just renting from banks. I don't feel that you really
lost anything aside from property taxes.

That said, it doesn't hurt to regroup and get a normal gig for some time. I
don't think there's any shame with moving in with either your parents or hers
for a bit.

Maybe next time you get the fever, aim for starting an equivalent of a "small
restaurant" first before something much bigger. i.e. have a day job and work
on your project at nights and weekends.

------
greenwalls
Don't give up. When you hit rock bottom that's when you have no other choice
but to turn it all around.

~~~
jfoster
It sounds like now is not really the right time in his life for "don't give
up".

It's time to get things stable again, and then if he still wants to give it
another shot he should do that once the other parts of his life (and his
finances) are settled down a bit.

------
johnny99
You're not the opposite of everyone here. I've driven a company into the
ground and was an early employee at another where I watched someone else drive
us into the ground--not sure which was worse. Have two little kids and after
one of the experiences above had to get a 'real' job for a while, in
cubicleland. Felt like, and was really, a total failure, at least
professionally. Probably doesn't help a ton right now, but you're not alone.
Three years after that low point the situation has improved amazingly. It may
be a slog, but you can dig out.

If you're in the Bay Area and an engineer or know SaaS sales, my company's
hiring. It's a good place to work. Email john@entelo.com if that might help.

------
apedley
You sound almost exactly like me 2 years ago. 1\. House in default, to be
foreclosed 2\. 3 kids under 6, wife was pregnant 3\. Years of trying startups
and all out of cash 4\. Utilities all to be soon cut off 5\. Getting any bit
of cash to buy food

What I did.

1\. As much as I swore never to return to work, I got a contract job (6
months). It stung, I wasn't in a good headspace at that time.

2\. Borrowed some money from my family to cover the mortgage.

3\. Saved my house from foreclosure by 6 hours using the borrowed money and my
salary.

4\. Kept the business running in the background and working on it at night.

5\. Worked for 12 months, paying back everything, enjoying seeing my family
eat good food once again and getting the occasional night out. What a treat to
go and see a movie once in a while :) I can tell you going to the bottom gives
you an incredible perspective on money and not what you think either.

6\. Built up my contacts and pivoted my business. Lots of hard work and 2
years later I have 2 offices and a team of 7 people. (this is obviously a
longer story, but for another day)

I recommend you get a job for the short term and get your life back in order.
I can tell you that trying to grow a business while you are incredibly
stressed about how you are going to eat or keep the lights on will only result
in panic decisions and they will be bad.

If you have a passion to change the world, your families life and your own for
the better, you will get back to business soon enough. Business owners have a
burning passion to succeed at all costs and only consider this a temporary set
back.

(Just a side note, some people have a fantasy of working hard (but not
really), having lots of fun, getting traction easily, getting investment, get
bought for a few billion and live happily ever after. If this is your plan, I
would suggest setting up a career path, it will lead to a much happier life
than a startup, in which the failure rate is very high and you have to be
prepared to fail many times. Not work towards failure, just accept it as part
of the journey.)

~~~
penguin_gab
What is your company called? Have a URL? Just curious..

------
xplorer
Which kind of company did you start? There's always hope. If you are a
developer or sysadmin you can easily find a job.

Keep up!! Everything is going to be alright in the end!

Don't give up, keep your head up and keep looking up, then you will find some
positivity in your life.

------
huherto
Somehow we tend to think that all it takes is hard work. But there are many
aspects of building a successful business. Sometimes we can risk a little too
much. Not everybody makes it, not every body has the needed support, not
everybody has the tolerance to risk. It is not only about making your dreams
happen, you also need to know when to fold.

I wish you the best. The best advice I can give you is to hang in there with
your life. Strengthen your relationships, life may suck now, but it will get
better, just hang in there, one day at a time.
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Stockdale](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Stockdale)

------
err4nt
Keep your head up dude! I haven't been where you are but I have been in a
position where I had no clue how my rent would get paid or how my lights would
stay on.

Reading this hits close to home for me. You are are more than the sum of your
assets. You are more than a set of skills, and ultimately you still have the
ability to go out and conquer. Lean on family, lean on friends, and once you
get through this never forget where you've been and help others in the same
predicament.

I can't offer much, but if you need a few bucks for a couple bags of groceries
email look@mewhenimtalkingtoyou.com and I can send some Paypal your way. No
strings attached.

------
aforty
Ouch, hang in there. Go get a 'real' job until you get back on your feet.

------
bonemachine
But you're a good writer, obviously.

Hold on. Life has a way of bouncing back (especially when it comes to jobs and
money). So you aren't CEO material; but who gives a fuck, really. Your family
may be the only ones to see through the fog of our culture's toxic emphasis on
performance and "winning" \-- but they will stand by you, and they will pull
you through this. And they are a million trillion times more valuable than the
peer approvable of the crummy startup "culture" out there, and the promise of
easy, outsized gains that it dangles in front of us.

------
Cyberis
Risk has its rewards.... but also its disasters, which is why it's called
"risk." Before taking it you have to consider the cost of failure. If you
can't afford the failure, don't take the risk. That being said, you're in a
tough place and hopefully zedshaw actually has a list and not a bunch of hot
air. I'd take him up on it and get something to provide income. BTW, while
failing seems to be harder on us men, failing doesn't mean your not a man, but
failing to take responsibility does speak to your manhood. So get up and get
going.

------
jaxn
Failure sucks. I have been there.

In my experience the hardest part was that I couldn't separate myself from my
startup. So when the startup failed, I was a failure. This was compounded b/c
the startup failed in large part b/c of my weaknesses. As a founder we are
responsible for all aspects, but we can't be strong in all aspects (I suck at
sales).

Take some time to focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses. Luckily,
that is probably the easiest way for you to pay the bills too.

It is going to take some time to rebuild your self-confidence, but it helps to
acknowledge that is what is going on.

Good luck!

------
r0ash
My 2 cents would be to just _focus_ on what services you can offer rightaway
with your skill set and grab whatever leads you could.

#1 follow what zedshaw is offering to you and #2 if you think craigslist could
help you bring some leads let me know what you can do and I will try to post
ads for your service offering for you. #3 if you want to try earning (passive
or something) online via some website, I can buy you domain + hosting + any
script #4 [ _removed_ the text where I offered you monetary help, you must
proof you are not a troll]

------
gigawatt
If you're in NYC or can relocate, the company I work for is on a major hiring
push. Very stable and a great place to work — no crazy anti-family startup
hours. Feel free to contact me.

------
vinlimyh
They say there are dip and rise. Only people brace through the dip, shall
rise. As dip is the time where many give up. That say, a personal opinion, it
would be best to rectify the current situation and prepare for a come back. As
a an old Chinese saying goes, 留得青山在，那怕没柴烧。It means, as long as you are here to
stay, there will always be a chance.

I guess my point here is, do not give up, but rectify current situation first.
I'm sure @zedshaw does provide good helps there.

Good Luck. Blessing from Malaysia.

------
xamdam
I agree with Zed - find job and re-group. I have 3 kids myself and totally
understand the insecurity you're feeling - I've been through a layoff. I don't
know your jedi level, but starting a business takes smarts and guts lots of
companies want. You will probably get a lot of help here already, but feel
free to PM me on reddit
[http://www.reddit.com/user/xamdam/](http://www.reddit.com/user/xamdam/)

------
gtallen1187
nothing too original in this post, just wanted to offer some words of
encouragement, and possibly give you some perspective from a different point
of view.

i myself have been in this situation, although it was my father in your shoes
and i was the child. i also remember the police knocking at the door and our
family having to pick up and move.

your courage and commitment to chase your idea and pursue your dream is part
of who you are. i know it may be hard to see this now, but it is this ambition
and bravery that your family will always remember and love you for. as
children, we knew that our dad was having some tough times and that there
would be changes in our lives because of it, but none of this ever gave rise
to any questions of his love. we always knew that our dad loved us, and that
in the end, that was all that mattered.

i know its hard to see the good things now, but just remember that your family
is there for you, through the good times and the bad. your children will
always love and respect you - not for how well or how bad your business did,
but for the parts of you that made you give it a shot.

i dont have many resources myself, and even fewer industry connections, but if
you are ever in/around the pittsburgh area id be more than happy to lend an
ear or do what i can to help.

------
SteliE
Really sorry to hear the situation you're in. I've shared my story of failure
and entrepreneurial depression here:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrUw4S76jFQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrUw4S76jFQ)

A few people have told me that it helped them in tough times.

I have a small child and another on the way so I can only guess how you feel
right now. Entrepreneurship is hard. Ping me at steli@close.io if you ever
need someone to listen.

------
kureikain
Hey, I was ever in same situation like you, with no help. My dad would blame
me. My mom cried out. I cannot come back home. Leading to my homelessness for
several weeks.

Now, I live in San Jose. And Thanksgiving is closer, if you happen to live in
San Jose, contact me kurei at my website: axcoto.com. I can give a hand, drive
you around if you need, and a place to sleep for several days if need.

The company that I'm working for also is hiring PHP Dev. I can referred you to
the CEO.

------
alsobrsp
You can't win if you don't play.

Most of my business ideas don't make it out of the box. One did well enough,
about $100k over 6 years, now we are being sued for trademark infringement.
Bogus according to several lawyers, but no money to fight it.

Shit happens, fall back, regroup, fight another day.

At this point you do what needs to be done for the family. Take care of them
and they will take care of you. Then see if you can figure out what happened
and try a new idea.

------
limaoscarjuliet
Do you need some real, immediate help, as in food and other necessities? Do
not have millions to spare, but can help with some things. How can I contact
you?

------
steven777400
I wish I had something more helpful to say. But I appreciate this post very
much. I appreciate first of all the strength and courage it takes to admit a
difficult situation. And secondly, I appreciate your willingness to stand up
to the confirmation and survivorship bias that, by definition, permeates the
new-business world. Thank you. I wish you the very best and sincerely hope you
quickly find your feet again.

------
splatzone
Sorry to hear about this, hopefully you'll bounce back.

Did you plan for this eventuality when you started the venture? Can you spare
any details about what went wrong?

------
philjackson
Where are you? How can people here get a hold of your CV?

------
OneOneOneOne
Four kids under 6... I envy you man. My wife and I are working toward that but
it will be a few years. Hang in there. You're in my prayers.

------
abbottry
Can you offer your general location? Might help those of us with connections
that might offer employment opportunities you'd be interested in.

------
antoniopratas
Use all the know how you gathered while creating and working on your company.
Understand how you fit in a company and what that know-how can make you a
valuable asset to the company. Look for a full-time position, leverage your
know-how to get a higher position and a bigger salary. Get a job, get
everything running, start thinking about a new idea and jump to it again when
it's time.

------
mbesto
I feel you man. I know very few "successful" people who haven't gone through
what you're going through right now (to varying degrees). You're not alone -
[http://www.techdisruptive.com/2013/10/29/common-themes-
despa...](http://www.techdisruptive.com/2013/10/29/common-themes-despair-
entrepreneurial-success/)

------
Choronzon
Do Quit! At least for awhile,these experiences are emotionally and financially
shattering and you will want to get a grip on both before you start attempt
anything else or your will burn yourself out. Take some boring well paid
contact for 6 months,then have another fresh look at things.You deserve some
downtime dont be shy to give yourself and your family some.

------
coofluence
What do you do friend now? Pickup the pieces and look at a few positives from
the last experiences. May be you made some contacts during the startup
experience who could help you with next phase in life. Your family could be
your priority and guide all your thoughts. That said, like a Greek heroic
story do overcome the challenge and come out well. Good Luck.

------
BrainInAJar
What's sad is that a large chunk of HN readers are going to see this and think
"well __my __company isn 't stupid, so I won't fail" when the reality of the
situation is that most startups fail and are, in fact, stupid. Confirmation
bias and sunk cost fallacy keep people doing it and slaving to make money for
VC snakes

------
lnanek2
Well, tech jobs are pretty easy to come by, especially with no home so you can
live wherever the job is. Honestly, I wouldn't want to do a startup if I had
kids anyway. I'd rather work a 9-5 with a regular income so I'd have money to
take care of them and time after work to be with them and raise them. So this
may all be for the best.

------
mathattack
On my worst days, my kids are still thrilled to see me when I get home. Hang
in there! There's nothing wrong with getting a boring corporate job while you
regroup. I think Zed is the best help you can find, but post an email address
in response to this and I'll drop you an email and see if I can help.

------
jccodez
I can assure you that what you are experiencing is not out of the ordinary.
Everyone has their struggles. My wife was pregnant with our third child while
I was unemployed for 8 months. I encourage you to love that family and be a
great husband and father. No business success can outshine what you have.

------
realrocker
And what a failure! Most of us here wouldn't be able to fail so hard even if
we tried. Since it can'get any worse by one's own choice, you are going to
have so much fun and excitement going back up. Good luck to your family and
you. If you need some daily expenditure money, please ask.

------
adventured
I won't say you should do X Y or Z. There's no way I can know what your best
course of action is going forward.

I'll just say, given the only thing that really matters is your family, what
you do from here on out will dictate what kind of man you are, rather than the
fact that your company failed.

------
binarysolo
OP, please let us know what rough geographical area you are located. This will
allow some of us to at least give you some sort of referral to work; I can
help out in the SF Bay Area but seeing the responses there are plenty better
positioned who can lend aid and support to you.

Fight hard and good luck.

------
wellboy
Doesn't matter bro, you can get a job at many startups with a $100,000 salary
in the bay area now. Failure is valued in the valley.

You know life is just the blink of an eye and then we are buried 6 feet under,
it doesn't matter, so keep it up, get some savings again and next startup. ;)

------
reinder
Hang in there! It's gonna be okay. If you ever need a listening ear, now or in
the future, feel free to email me and we'll call. Also, eat well, sleep well,
get some fresh air & walks and spend time with the family. Coping with
difficult times is easier that way.

------
headgasket
What that does not kill you makes you stronger. No product + Sales = company.
Product + no Sales = No company.

It's only money, you have your health, your wife and 3 wonderful children,
plus a beautiful promise underway. You can start the next one, loosing the
stupid, with less than 100$ these days. A days worth of pay saved at the local
burger shop. Pick the parts up and charge ahead. Just remember, no sales, no
company. Dont buy the coolaid, fight hard for one thing: sales where sales =
cost + profit. En-route entrepeneurs on HN should be following a
SalesAndMarketingStarNews.yc.com aggregator if one existed. But if it existed
it would most likely filed with BS...

Angel money or VC is not an enabler; it's profits that are. Profits attract
all sorts of good things.

Good luck. If you are an true entrepeneur this will resonate. If it does not,
get the best job you can get at moment's notice, and immediately start looking
for the next one up the latter.

Cheers and good luck! And remember the one infinitely valuable thing you have:
time.

~~~
ceejayoz
What schlock.

Many things that don't kill you can make you weaker - try quadriplegia on for
size. Health is closely tied to money and employment in the US. Someone
working at "the local burger shop" with three kids can't spare a day's pay -
and $100/day is pretty unlikely take-home pay for minimum wage, anyways.

~~~
headgasket
It was figurative. Thx for the downvote tho. My point was this guy has
something he can sell for recurrent revenue with profits. That's a company. It
can be as simple as consulting. A job or a self generated job with upside,
what's better?

Good luck to you too.

------
exodust
What was the company? Why was it "stupid"?

I'm keen to hear what it was. Do you know why it failed? If so, knowing that
is very valuable information that is not easily taught. Use that knowledge for
your next adventure, and maybe share with us here, so we can learn too?

------
xivzgrev
Really sorry for your situation...how can community help? Listen? Living
money? Place to stay? Job? Help on business?

As others have mentioned, hopefully one day when you are ready you can
document. The world needs more documented failures to help us avoid survivor
bias.

------
kennethtilton
I pulled out of my dive before going broke, but not by much. Licked my wounds,
got a job, built up my savings for three years and now can try again, this
time much wiser (and less risky) for the experience. Survival is success, I
was told early on, and...yep.

------
bwb
Damn man, I'm sorry but you bet too much on this given your family
responsibilities :(

------
th3byrdm4n
Yeah pretty much why I've settled on working for "the man."

Stable paycheck for my family might not compare to the ups (and downs) of
running my own, but having gone through a bankruptcy (parents) before, I have
no desire to go through it again.

------
arbuge
Find a job for now. (Indeed and Linkedin aren't half bad for that nowadays;
there may be better more specific resources in your industry also.) Get back
on your own two feet. The rest will take care of itself later. It always does.

------
xux
Really sorry to hear that man. We often stereotype startups as cool, exciting,
explore-new-frontier crazy wild success.

Sometimes (probably most of the time) they just don't turn out that way, and
the failures have real, life-changing consequences.

------
thomasfl
We definitely need more failures on HN. All these success stories is bringing
me down.

~~~
fsniper
I don't think we need more failures. But definitely we would like to see older
failure and aftermath stories.

------
tomelders
If you're based anywhere near London, drop me an email, I might be able to
point you towards a few people looking for devs (assuming you're a dev), and
I'll also take a look at your CV, I tend two write good ones.

------
pedromsantos
Is this an opportunity to solve a real problem? In helping founders of failed
startups. Would an "insurance model" startupt for startups make sense? I'm
European, so not sure how this sounds in the USA.

------
pouzy
Did you see it coming ? You might have wanted to start searching for a job
before losing the house. Don't think you are worth nothing, hang in there and
get back on your feet in a more "normal" manner.

------
djuggler
You aren't alone. And it gets better. Just don't do anything terminal.

------
wf
I'm late to the party. But I'm also willing to help you. If you're technical
and need a recommendation for a job in the Midwest shoot me an email and maybe
in my limited way I can help you. Good luck!

------
toobulkeh
best of luck. If you want to fall back on security, I personally have good
connections in the stable large companies in the South East US. If you need a
stable income for awhile and are willing, please let me know.

------
zura
The world would be such a wonderful place if the location didn't matter... I
mean, remove that prefix "if you're at place X" and suddenly all those
propositions become much more valuable.

------
spacecowboy
You are not just a statistic, you are much more. Your an inspiration to your
family and to all of us just like all of those that have responded to you with
offers to help. Let us all know how we can help.

------
jacoblyles
I can't help out a lot. But I did accidentally order a pretty nice Christmas
present that it turns out I don't need. Drop me an email with your address and
I'll forward it for the kids.

------
yangtheman
Hey man, I've been there (two failed startups). Whatever you learned during
that time should be valuable assets/skills in many startups. Hang in there.
You gotta be there for your family.

~~~
mgkimsal
I appreciate your kind words to the OP, but... is that really true?

"Whatever you learned during that time should be valuable assets/skills in
many startups"

I can not imagine for one moment failing in a business, taking a job at a
startup, and having the owner(s) or others say "well... you've tried this
before and failed - what's your input on XYZ?" In fact, I essentially went
through this years ago, and could not find anyone who ever put any stock or
value in my failures.

In one particular case it was very maddening because I watched the owners make
several of the same mistakes I'd made just 2 years earlier, which ended up in
me folding my company. Less than a year after I joined, they laid off half the
workforce, then folded later. Try as I might to help in some way (not to take
over, but to keep my job!), my previous experience of failure was not a
valuable asset to that company.

Maybe it was just all the situations I was in aren't "the norm", but I just
don't see it actually happening.

~~~
lostlogin
It's not quite the same, but I encourage those around me to share their
failures and screw ups. Particularly more junior staff. Often what they have
done confuses senior staff and everyone can learn. A culture that encourages
openness is particularly helpful when times are bad and things are heading
south. Most aren't as open as me, and this isn't business failure (more like
technical mistakes and poor decision making) but it seems relevant.

------
wesgarrison
If you're in Kansas City, my company name is databasically and my first name
is wes and I use a dot com. Shoot, if you're not in KC; email me and let me
know how I can help.

------
kapogo1
Dam.

Money will cone back into your life. Be grateful for your health and family
health.

This may sound lacking - But - This experience may change you and you family
in the better for ways you could not yet imagine.

------
cpt1138
Sorry to hear about your misfortune. I have hesitated going all in because of
Barbara Sher's infomercial saying "you don't go shopping for new clothes
naked."

------
Neolis
Keep calm and carry on! Do not give up! We will be there for you.

------
sidcool
Please do update us when you are better. We would love to know that a fellow
Hacker is doing well.

Shoot me an email at sid_cool1234(at)yahoo.co.in and I can see what I can do
for you.

------
coldtea
> _Pretty sure I am the opposite of everyone here._

Quite the contrary. This is the norm -- most startups fail, and a lot of them
fail horribly (and with personal defaults).

Keep fighting.

------
dtoidniero
Do you still have your health? Then you have everything. Go work hard and try
again. Start a less stupid company next time around. At least you tried.

------
jbobes
What did you worked on? I'm in somewhat similar situation with this
[http://cloud306.com](http://cloud306.com)

------
Justsignedup
TBH, this is why I only have the one child. Children = big money. Also this is
why people live in middle america where 50k buys you a nice big house.

------
ssfermoy
A very brave thing to write. Don't judge your self on how the dice fell. By
just having tried you've done more than most people ever will.

------
lowglow
I'm totally down to help you. Let's meet up if you're in SF. I'll buy you
coffee and hep you find something that works for you.

------
JacobIrwin
Stay strong. Another statistic - in favor of the world's need for talented
engineers! Maybe not bound to be a self-made man, that's all.

------
w_t_payne
Kudos for trying. Good luck with the future. Hope you manage to get back in
the ring at some point. Let us know if you need anything specific.

------
sonabinu
Good Luck !!! You have a lot of courage to reach out and tell your story ...
you have the spirit, you will succeed ... Good Luck once again.

------
ewebbuddy
Hold tight. It's just a rough patch that will pass. A lot of people here are
ready to help. Take it and mend somethings. Stay strong.

------
mikekij
You're getting a lot of this in this post, but I'd be happy to connect you to
my network as well. Email me at mkijewski (gmail).

~~~
mikekij
p.s. I have a fractional child as well. I'm familiar with the stress.

------
gozmike
Hey Man - it sucks. But...

It gets better, way better. Keep your family safe and in the forefront and
you'll make it through this. I can promise that.

------
feulix
Sad story makes me sad. Keep on trying and accept the help of all the people
in this thread. Christmas season has officially started.

------
ests
I am really sorry about your situation. I can't help you in any "real" way,
but I send you the best and warm wishes.

------
CmonDev
There are two outcomes when playing lottery...

------
jds375
Even though you got no monetary value out of it, just remember how valuable
the experience and the lessons learned were.

------
alanmeaney
Alas, what could have been an interesting discussion reduced to over analysis
of some guy calling some other guy a cock.

------
enscr
This post struck a chord with HN folks. It would be awesome if OP could
exchange the karma with real life credit...

------
iamabraham
You're more like the rest of us then most will admit. Be strong. Take care of
your family. Good luck.

------
sidcool
You will bounce back. Let us know a Bitcoin wallet where we can chip in
whatever is in our ability.

------
nell
Dude, What's your skillset?

------
pbreit
If you have any technical skills, you should immediately go get a good paying
job.

------
nutela
So did you learn anything? :-)

------
Shinden
read the book Millionare fastlane. just google it it's available via
electronic book version, Within that book it will tell you where you went
wrong and hopefully it will steer you in the right direction.

------
d0m
Nothing wrong in taking a job and slowly working on your things on the side..

------
fastisslow
lz 加油

~~~
Gigablah
I'll translate:

lz = 楼主 ("lou zhu"), which means "original poster" (literally "landlord")

加油 ("jia you") = "persevere"

~~~
anthony_barker
jia - add you - oil

~~~
byuu
力 power, 口 mouth, 氵 (水) water. Technically there's no radical for the right-
half of 油, but it's closest to 田 field.

------
michaelxia
Your'e one of HN. so fight hard and good luck right back at you.

------
soboleiv
It reminds me of what life actually is. And I love it. Hold on there.

------
abhididdigi
If you are in India, shoot an email at abhididdigi[at]gmail.com.

------
codyguy
Hey, I will try to send work your way. What skills do you have?

------
shklnrj
Just keep hanging there. Things would be all right in due time.

------
Kalki
Are you working or have you applied for a traditional day job?

------
benmorris
Live and learn. Luckily developers are in demand these days.

------
Jagadeesh1210
You might lose your money. But don't lose faith in you.

------
eplanit
Comments TL;DR

Startup failed. Founder is suffering. Long live Zed Shaw.

------
rpddh9
pls put up a paypal acc and we can all chip in..

~~~
r0ash
You are a generous, thanks for adding trust in the world. But please dont fall
a victim of emotional-blackmailing. If you have some leads or contact share
with him if you dont, I would not recommend you give him money, his account is
too new here on HN and he 500+ karma already. So be safe and help people in
need, no one like the feeling of being robbed. Thanks once again.

~~~
avenger123
The pot calling the kettle black

~~~
tedks
Making a new account, or using a new account to tell people to be cautious
about who they throw money to on the Internet, is hardly equivalent to writing
a sob story and then accepting donations from the Internet (which, to his
credit, the OP seems to not have yet done).

This is the Internet. People lie on it. This is not novel.

~~~
avenger123
No arguments about people lying on the internet.

I found his comment a little bit patronizing. Of course its the Internet and
all kinds of crazy happens.

We are adults and can make up our own minds one way or another (even if that
means donating to an unknown person).

------
hkbarton
hey, it's not the end of the world, maybe you will gain huge if you found it's
very hard this time. Don't give up!

------
scotthtaylor
Do you have a CV that you can send through?

------
spajus
Zed, you are my fucking hero. Seriously.

------
karlcoelho1
put your email in the bio, so people can get hold of you, and help you out.

------
fl0m
What is that all about?

------
known
Celebrate your failure.

------
ddmma
Failure is a feedback

------
weishgoname
it will be alright! there is always a way out. Good Luck

------
jayrparro
have faith! keep up!

~~~
mufumbo
keep up keeping on!

------
tbarbugli
startup blues

------
michaelochurch
It's a really fucking shitty game for most of people who play. Ruined lives
are pretty rare. (I'm doing well, a couple years later.) But most people get
_far_ less out of their time than they'd get in a conventional career.

Even the "low-risk" option of the startup job is way too risky for what little
upside remains (at equity slices around 0.05%). Regular companies mentor and,
when they have to lay people off, provide severance and positive reference
(they'll often work with the recruiters who placed you and say good things).
Many of these startups use fake "performance" issues to avoid the image
problem of an honest layoff, and to fire people for free. (Banks and hedge
funds just admit shit's tough, but these startups have to pretend they're
always hiring, even when they're cutting. In other words, they prioritize
their image over that of those they're letting go-- when they most need the
help.) Getting fired with no severance and no reference is, in many ways, as
bad as a startup failure. In some ways, it's worse. Startup failure has more
short-term financial pain but, 3 years later, you can talk about it without
fearing stigma (especially if you weren't a sole founder).

Paul Graham played the game once and won. It's hard to call it pure luck
because, if you read _On Lisp_ , he's obviously a very smart man and was,
while active in Lisp, a clear 10x-er. However, there are a lot of people just
as smart as he is, who end up ruining their lives in this game.

You're not alone, and I'm sorry to hear about it.

Where are you located? Have you considered Austin, Portland, or Baltimore?
Those places have much lower COL and you'll make 80-90% of your Bay Area
salary.

~~~
movebits
Sustainable startup career... hopefully, it exists.

------
smokeyj
I'd rather fail than never have tried. Just remember people still love you for
who you are.

------
kellyphong76
Dont want to hurt OP but seems like he is a troll, he just joined 7 days ago
and made 500+ karma.

Would happy if he prove me wrong by writing in detail what he did and how did
he failed, sympathetic people will be ready to rush money to him including
myself, but dont want to be a victim of emotional blackmailing.

~~~
mattdeboard
...said the 23-hour-old account.

~~~
artwork
How does this change the original fact? Ad hominem.

~~~
selmnoo
I'm super confused right now. Are you two arguing on the fact that OP has 700+
karma? That's... _because of this very submission_ , is that not obvious?

~~~
artwork
My comment only was that parent's account age should have nothing to do with
the content of the comment.

------
fiatjaf
Seems like a troll.

~~~
mcormier
I agree themanthatfell currently has 1154 karma, but he got the majority of it
from this post and the account was only created 7 days ago. You're getting
unfairly down voted.

~~~
fiatjaf
Yes. Plus his story is also too disastrous, he does not matter to point to
possible solutions for his situations. He seems like he is just stating that
he is in the worst situation in the world and desiring that people feel sorry
for him. It's strange.

------
spande
@themanthatfell: I would like to offer you a solution to your problem. It may
not seem like one, when you initially read it but I would request you to read
it and try to apply it: [http://findpo.com/secret-ingredient-
actually-2/](http://findpo.com/secret-ingredient-actually-2/)

