
Tell HN: I just asked ~10 people to list my worst qualities - on_
To keep this somewhat private, I am going to list the highpoints of the exercise like why I did it, why it was beneficial, and how I did it.<p>I think recursive self improvement is super important and seeking out negative criticism from people is a really great way to pattern match on themes and confirm&#x2F;discover personal bias. I am in a pretty shitty position professionally and personally so this seemed like a good way to see if I was missing some key flaw I had.<p>I emailed an ex, a few childhood&#x2F;current best friends, family, and college friends and just asked them to write the 3(or more) worst things about me in any detail or context they wanted and provide detail if they wanted to. I asked they NOT include any positive attributes, assured them I wouldn&#x27;t be offended and offered to return the favor should they be inclined.<p>I found the results really really interesting. If you are interested just make an email like critique[your name]@[a&#x2F;your domain] and send them out.
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anigbrowl
I presume this is a throwaway/anonymous account, for obvious reasons. It's a
smart exercise, and I'd be interested to hear more about _what_ they told you
- not to know how flawed you are* but to know whether multiple people picked
out the same flaws, or how accurate your appraisal of your own flaws was
compared to the results you got, or how social distance (family > childhood
friends > college friends) correlates with accuracy of insight, if at all. So
I nominate your worst quality as a tendency to tease with provocative ideas
but not follow through with interesting details :-)

* Unlike me. I'm perfect and I won't listen to anyone who says otherwise.

Seriously, well done and thank you for sharing your insights so far.

~~~
on_
> I presume this is a throwaway/anonymous account, for obvious reasons.

My HN is PGP verified by keybase.io via my profile, and linked to most of my
online identities ;). Unfortunately, I had some serious data corruption issues
with a PW manager and lost my credentials. I "think" I can get my old account
back but I don't have the password anymore. I would be happy to send along the
info privately as I am about to read the other half tonight.

I also, wrote the post light heartedly which fits with my personality. "As you
all know, I am an amazing individual and it is really difficult to measure the
breadth of my greatness due to the vast amount of positive qualities and
skills I have".

I wrote something like that and made some other jokes. This allows people to
know you can take a joke, build up a bit of cockyness which people love to
strike down, and also segue into the serious bits without too much fanfare.
Also, I would bet that people are more likely to respond honestly via email
because it is dehumanizing.

Feel free too email me at skg@samuel.engineer for the results. I haven't
looked at all the responses yet as I had a lot going on today.

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colund
Could it be that your worst quality is that you worry too much about not being
perfect?

Then you won't take the necessary risks to make mistakes and learn.

I have gotten somewhat older and realized that some of the happiest people are
the ones who don't worry too much but instead seek healthy relationships and
indulge in their passions.

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joshschreuder
Do you think it would have been more valuable if the people you asked were
anonymous? Or at least felt they were?

Of course it could get nasty like internet comments, but I feel like
especially when it's people you know personally, they would be more inclined
to be honest about your flaws if they couldn't be identified.

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on_
I don't. I think it depends on who you are but I am not the sort of person to
be easily offended. I didnt do a blog post because really outside of the
premise your structure and objectives will be different. If your friends are
shy and introverted You could do an anonymous post.

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AnimalMuppet
You asked your ex what your worst qualities were? I respect your courage.

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markhall
I really like this idea and will do something similar. Did you not provide any
other guidance beyond "write the 3(or more) worst things about me in any
detail or context they wanted and provide detail if they wanted to"? I agree
that an anonymous Google form approach may (hopefully) warrant more insight.
Any additional advice to make this more impactful would be appreciated. I'm
all for continual self-improvement

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nyc_cyn
What did you learn, if you don't mind me asking?

~~~
on_
Without getting too specific it helped me do a few things (I know your
question is about learning) however. First, it let me mend fences with people
who I hadn't talked to in a while and I learned that it was easy to reconnect
by doing something like this because it makes it very easy and lowers the
social friction.

I also saw a few broad themes like being disorganized, thinking big but
failing to execute, lack of ambition, etc. Some overlap, and some were smaller
issues. I reckon I will actually write it up, depending how significant the
other half of the results are.

On balance, it is a good way to reconnect with people and also see if there
are broad negative attributes you were missing. I also wrote a few responses
to people who asked for me to do it in return, so it gives you a chance to
help others and yourself if your close friend has a really annoying quality
you wish he would work through.

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jordsmi
You should have created some anonymous form that they could submit to. I know
you said you wouldn't be offended, but most people would not be brutally
honest if you know they are the ones saying it.

~~~
on_
As you can see, I beleived they would be. It turns out, more have come in and
you are correct, many people have ignored the "do not qualify answers or list
positive qualities" thing. That being said, the answers are helpful and while
they are still somewhat tactful, they do have the criticism.

