
The software engineer’s guide to asserting dominance in the workplace - lobo_tuerto
https://medium.com/feature-creep/the-software-engineer-s-guide-to-asserting-office-dominance-ddea7b598df7
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deklerk
This is good satire about overly-aggressive folks / jerks heh.

I guess the one nit I have is about the predilection to rag on weightlifters.
It's just a hobby for many people. I don't do it myself, but I have met loads
of the friendliest people that do. Working out, having protein shakes, and
eating hard-boiled eggs do not make someone a jerk. /shrug

~~~
postsantum
Substitute weightlifting for crossfit. I know a guy who used to do his burpees
in the office.

~~~
megaman22
Crossfitters do seem to be a bit more... intense... about it than people who
just lift. It can be this whole lifestyle and almost religion with some of
them, particularly if it is dual-classed with other health & fitness fads,
which is a little tiresome to be around.

~~~
ar_lan
Are you really against people wanting to live a healthier lifestyle, though?

~~~
TeMPOraL
It's one thing to live a healthy lifestyle, it's another to keep pushing it on
other people. The former is commendable, the latter is annoying.

~~~
badosu
Works pretty well for the gym though, I wonder if this is intended or not. ..

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tptacek
This is just the same joke told over and over again.

Also, just from a personality perspective, the crazy weightlifter types in the
offices I've worked have always been the nicest people. I can't say that about
the nerd's nerds (I'm in that category!).

~~~
bdcravens
I've done some mentoring calls with a guy who is a competitive weightlifter in
his spare time. He's a junior dev, extremely polite, and very eager to learn.

Our company just hired a remote developer who really focuses on his physical
health, and it shows. Quiet, respectful, and an A+ dev.

------
hitekker
Have you ever noticed that people who find light-hearted satire "unfunny"
typically tend to be deeply insecure about the subject being satirized? Like
they never admit to being offended but instead pretend the joke was boring,
uninteresting or some other sleight.

I'm a weightlifter, my friends are fitness freaks. We can laugh at ourselves,
and we can certainly laugh at wannabe-alpha's.

~~~
trevor-e
I definitely agree, however, half of the satire that was supposed to be about
software engineering was just rehashed weightlifting jokes.

~~~
hitekker
Sure but I’d say the juxtaposition of those jokes freshens them up. A gymrat
treating an office like his fiefdom is a fine enough premise; not the funniest
but also not repetitious.

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jhpriestley
Making fun of people's diet, clothing, and hobbies is a pretty low form of
humor.

It's funny, in years as a software developer I've never heard someone made fun
of for wearing a ratty Nintendo t-shirt or a greasy ponytail or whatever, but
I've heard mean-spirited remarks about fraternity shirts and people coming to
interviews in a suit.

~~~
malmsteen
In life u just need to "fit", or get picked on.

Incidentally this is precisely the "natural law" that james damore broke when
he bragged about how natural laws are supposed make genders different in the
workplace.

He was fired for breaking the most important law "you must fit/adapt or get
excluded" while pretending to know better how life and biology works lol. What
a retard

~~~
bruthafez
Realest HN comment of the day. Damore ignored all natural laws (re: conform or
get ostracized) to try and make a point about how natural laws will always
assert themselves. Ironically he proved his own point that natural laws will
always assert themselves by failing to conform and then getting ostracized.

The rest of his argument was pretty incoherent tho.

------
seanmcdirmid
How acceptable are mechanical keyboards in open offices? In China, I used a
model M since our office was loud anyways, but in the states I went with
something with cherry brown switches even though I really wanted the louder
cherry blue ones. Is there some kind of standard etiquette to follow?

~~~
dominotw
open offices are a clusterfuck you have no option but to wear headphones
anyways, I don't know anyone who doesn't have headphones handy in an open
office.

1\. People having meetings at their desk cos conf rooms are never available.

2\. People talking random non work related stuff in groups.

3\. Keyboard noises.

4\. Food smells.

~~~
seanmcdirmid
In China, there was some guy in the next cluster over who would often snack on
sun flower and watermelon seeds. Oh, and he had a chronic cough. Also,
succulent pear day (we got fruit every afternoon) would lead to an hour of
slurping unproductively.

I would guess those wouldn’t be a problem in the states but...

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sbilstein
Ugh those keyboards make me feel like such a plebeian with my mediocre apple
keyboards. I do not understand the appeal and just put my headphones on.

~~~
actionscripted
Long-time Mac user and as a result long-time Mac keyboard user. Loved the low-
profile desktop and laptop keyboards.

Didn't realize until I gave a mechanical board a chance (felt super weird
hitting full-height keys!) but I was making a ton of typos and going slower on
the Mac boards.

Now that I've gotten used to my mechanical keyboard I feel more confident in
my touch typing and my speed has gone up considerably.

I did install dampener rings, though, because I didn't like how loud things
were and how the keys felt.

------
crb002
Most of the weightlifters I know are chill.

~~~
malmsteen
Edit: ok this was too much

~~~
csa
While I am familiar with the type of person you are referring to, I humbly
suggest that you change gyms. Most psychologically mature people who lift
weights do so because it’s damn good for your body and mind. I agree with GP
that most of the people I know who lift weights are very chill.

------
chatmasta
Satire articles are valuable when they highlight a real problem. If they fail
to do so, they just sound like complaining. This article falls into that
latter category IMO.

There are plenty of actual jerks out there, with habits you can write about
satirically, but weight lifting? Come on. It just sounds like jealousy of
other people who take better care of their own health than the author does
his.

Also, if I were a co-worker of this author who lifted weights, I would
probably feel personally offended, as it implies he had me in mind when
writing the article.

I did find the standup section funny though.

~~~
zebraflask
I suppose you have be involved in weightlifting for some of the humor to
resonate. I have been, for years, and that part had me in stitches. Completely
skewers some of the stereotypes, which of course have a grain of truth.

------
KhanMahGretsch
_" Be the first one at your daily stand-up, and run it like the Scrum master
you know you are."_

Surely a true alpha would declare that scrum and agile are "dead".

------
glitchc
This is hilarious. Although I do use a mechanical keyboard at work (MX Brown
though, and got the boss's permission first). And my team doesn't use git
(yet).

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debt
“Plug in your own mechanical keyboard“

Note to anyone who does this: I know, I know you think it’s cool but it’s so
not and you’re an asshole. The only way you can redeem yourself is by taking
the keyboard home immediately and resigning because no one wants to work with
assholes.

~~~
badosu
What if the keyboard is silent, e.g. brown switches or lighter? What is the
issue in choosing the work tool you'll be using for 8+ hours daily?

And how does that make you an asshole?

~~~
debt
The fact that I didn’t even know they made quiet mechanical keyboards shows
you how many assholes I’ve worked with throughout the years.

~~~
PappaPatat
That would be one and you just classified all mechanical keyboards in the same
class.

OR

It shows how little you have invested in understanding but just went to the
stereotyping.

Still interested in your number though.

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zebraflask
Hilarious because it's true.

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nrdgrl
This account seems to be dedicated to only submitting this article to HN.

[https://hn.algolia.com/?query=The%20software%20engineer%E2%8...](https://hn.algolia.com/?query=The%20software%20engineer%E2%80%99s%20guide%20to%20asserting%20dominance%20in%20the%20workplace&sort=byDate&dateRange=all&type=story&storyText=false&prefix&page=0)

~~~
TN1ck
All submissions where done by different accounts. Are you looking at the wrong
page?

lobo_tuerto's other submissions are
[https://news.ycombinator.com/submitted?id=lobo_tuerto](https://news.ycombinator.com/submitted?id=lobo_tuerto)

