
The Lonely Death of George Bell - Bud
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/18/nyregion/dying-alone-in-new-york-city.html
======
noobermin
Contrary to the implications of the beginning of the piece, Mr. Bell had
connections, he had the potential for relationships, he even had friends who
tried.

I'm an introvert, who recently moved to another city for graduate school. I
don't get out very often unless it's to a solitary place (my own spot in a
coffee shop, for instance), so I can relate to Bell's desire to be solitary
most of the time. However, if anyone reading this thinks his death was a
wrong, know that he had ample opportunity to at least have one or two people
to "be around his death bed" so to speak. The end of the piece talks about
"the Dude", not to mention the possible wife who it seems loved him even
towards the end.

If there is any take away, it is to cherish our relationships with others.
There are extreme cases in which people really are alone, but for those of us
who can at least count on our hands the ones we love, or at least like, (even
if it takes us a few minutes to enumerate them), we should continue to develop
those friendships and not force people out who could otherwise enrich us. As
the "investigators" put it, we don't live forever. We need to use the time we
have to enrich others, because only the rest of society will out-survive us as
individuals.

------
sakopov
It's so difficult when you're on a trajectory that you know will kill you yet
you cannot change it because it feels like your entire being is so tainted and
the sadness is so ingrained in your soul that your mind just tells you to
isolate your miserable existence from those around you. I have struggled with
this my entire adult life and I'm writing this with tears in my eyes because
reading this beautiful piece is like unraveling my own future. Rest in peace,
George. We all die alone, but no one deserves to die lonely.

~~~
dn6659
I promise you, I felt the same way as you describe for years. I took
antidepressants for years but they would eventually stop working. I tried all
kinds of natural supplements, meditation, exercise, etc. After losing my
marriage and alienating my children I tried once more but this time my doctor
added a mood stabilizer. It has made all the difference in the world. I have a
very close relationship with my children now, close friends, job, and enjoy
many interests. Don't give up.

------
hitekker
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kodokushi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kodokushi)
is the Japanese name for this phenomena. There were several articles about it
a few months back, like:

[http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/roads/2015/0...](http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/roads/2015/06/kodokushi_in_aging_japan_thousands_die_alone_and_unnoticed_every_year_their.html)

[http://rendezvous.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/25/in-japan-
lone...](http://rendezvous.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/25/in-japan-lonely-
deaths-in-societys-margins/)

[http://qz.com/380685/photos-cleaning-up-after-japans-
lonely-...](http://qz.com/380685/photos-cleaning-up-after-japans-lonely-
deaths/)

They say you mentally breakup with your spouse/partner some time before before
actually do so. From what little I can glean here, the same can (not always,
just can) hold true for dying alone.

~~~
prophet_
“The majority of lonely deaths are people who are kind of messy,”

The need for instant gratification is a constant for those affected by major
depression. This may come across as "messy" when in reality severely depressed
people would skip anything that does not directly improve their mood.

As despair takes over and one cannot find light at the end of the tunnel, the
search for this light or simply giving up becomes the main thing whereas
everything else becomes irrelevant.

I'm no psychologist but could not help noticing this kind of behaviour over
the years in many cases of depression, suicides, etc.

------
asifjamil
A wonderful piece, almost read like a novel.

At the end, I couldn't help but try to derive some overall take-away. The best
I could come up with was to cherish your friendships and always try to keep in
touch. One concern I would have is whether or not today's internet-based
culture could hinder this?

~~~
ChazDazzle
I'd say it cuts both ways. I don't get out much myself, but I keep pretty well
in touch with friends from all walks of life via social media. In another era
many of those relationships would have atrophied with both time and distance.

~~~
irishcoffee
I do it the opposite way actually. No social media at all. I call, text, and
email a whole host of people on a regular basis.

Social media is honestly a hindrance of friendships. If you want to know about
an old friend you haven't talked to in a while, punch up their
facebook/instagram/twitter. All caught up. No need to interact whatsoever. I
call, email, and text, to maintain that sense of a personal connection.

Technology helps with having relationships not atrophy, I completely agree.
Social media however, I see it as a hindrance to sincere connections with
people more than a boon to preserving relationships.

~~~
gdilla
Perhaps. I think people who grew up with social media know it's a loose
substitute for maintaining real friendships and relationships. You just won't
get the same fulfillment looking at a 'friends' feed than actually reaching
out to them directly (via technology or otherwise). Just like you call, email
and text - many people do that (snapchat, whatsapp, etc).

------
cousin_it
We need a society where every person is needed and wanted. We need it more
than any dumb technical advance that lessens the need for people, like robots
delivering pizza or whatever. That will take some heavy thinking, though, and
I feel that we haven't even started.

~~~
douche
A lot of us that are building the dumb technical advances that lessen the need
for people don't particularly like people, in the general case. I suspect
we'll continue to do so.

~~~
omarchowdhury
If you don't like people, then it's really that you don't like yourself,
douche. You came out of a people. You depend on people, your existence is not
happening in a vacuum.

~~~
gammafactor
Amazing piece of logic here, "you came out of people -> you depend on people"
and "you must like people" is implied.

I hate that I have to depend on people. I find them unreliable at best. Which
is why a lot of us are working to improve the primitive societies we currently
live in in order to REMOVE that dependency. I'd rather depend on algorithms
(and in fact I do, more and more every single day that passes) than anything
as primitive as people.

~~~
vezzy-fnord
Algorithms are much more primitive than people by definition. You seem to have
intended to convey the opposite, a preference for relying on primitives over
complicated persons.

~~~
ams6110
More primitive, in the sense of less complex, yes. But also more reliable.
Algorithms do what they do, and never anything else.

------
lucio
> IN 1996, GEORGE BELL hurt his left shoulder and spine lifting a desk on a
> moving job, and his life took a different shape. He received approval for
> workers’ compensation and Social Security disability payments and began
> collecting a pension from the Teamsters. Though he never worked again, he
> had all the income he needed.

Sometimes, having income without effort is death in life.

~~~
pm24601
He got hurt making a living. That is what workers compensation is. It is not
like receiving an inheritance like: Donald Trump, the Walton family, etc.

George Bell _earned_ that worker's compensation with a remaining lifetime of
pain. If that isn't earned I don't know what is.

~~~
drak0n1c
I think the point is that Bell, who already tended toward introversion, no
longer could (due to injury) nor had a need (due to not needing to work) to go
outside and socialize.

That said, having an income was probably the biggest factor - that kind of
back injury does not keep one from going out. I agree that his compensation is
earned - but that sort of support has side effects on both the recipient and
the rest of society. When taxes and regulation can be expected to take up the
slack, people tend toward individualism and communities wither. Compare the
strength of families and communities over the last 100 years. While good
government can provide financial assistance, like how communities used to, it
rarely provides the human socialization that communities do.

~~~
roma1n
Really? Before socialized welfare, your place within the community was
entirely tied to your working ability. Too old to farm? Go sleep under the
stairs. Then take a walk in the forest in winter and don't come back.

------
jiantastic
This is a really lovely story. I'm not usually one to be sentimental bit this
has got me thinking of my priorities in life.

------
icewater0
I see a couple of things missing in the comments thus far on George Bell's
isolation.

First, his age. When he was younger, he was (presumably) in love with, and
almost married, a woman whom he stayed in touch with for the rest of his life.
He also had close relationships with friends. For some people, the
"desaturation" of life that comes with age makes it feel less worthwhile to
pursue the things that once made them happy.

Second, some people who do not socialize are not necessarily devoid of the
inner need for friendship and companionship - they may have learned that the
pain and risk that can come with social connections outweigh the advantages.

When a man becomes old, disabled, and considerably overweight, interacting
with others might not be a particularly pleasant experience.

There are no "solutions" to the "problems" George Bell had. They are a part of
the human condition, and they were his experience of life.

------
bbanyc
I couldn't help but think of Eleanor Rigby. "All the lonely people, where do
they all belong?"

------
goodJobWalrus
To me, the saddest thing about George was that he seems to have merely
existed, while he was alive. From the article, he didn't seem to have any
passions or ambitions. He didn't seem to want to go and see things, experience
things, do things. He died in the same apartment, he was born in. He didn't
really live, he just was, completely passive, until he wasn't.

At least that is the impression I got from reading this.

~~~
noobermin
I wouldn't say that. The fact that him and "the Dude" "solved all the world's
problems" in a parking lot seem to suggest he was a thinking person with at
least some desire to better some of those around him. Not to mention the fact
he thought about and wrote a will, the fact that he was in love, the fact he
was missed by the vanishingly few who knew him.

------
slicktux
This was somewhat of a depressing story; mainly because emphasis was put on
the whole after death scenario; that is what happened to his belongings et
cetera, et cetera... But overall, I feel like I understand Bell, as well as
the circumstances that lead to him dying lonely... RIP Bell Nothing more
Nothing less

------
doak
And there’s nothin’ short of dyin’, half as lonesome as the sound, Of the
sleepin’ city sidewalk and Sunday mornin’ comin’ down – Kris Kristofferson

------
schroningerscat
Indeed, a deeply touching and human story, but even more so I've been
engrossed by the consuming discussion it has sparked!

------
Sven7
$5000 for burial costs?!? And 50000 burials a year...wow...would never have
imagined.

------
Animats
That's how it ends. Everyone dies alone.

------
gammafactor
I never understood this stigma about hermits/social isolation in western
societies. In the east, it's much more accepted.

Reading this piece I got the impression that the writer and persons
interviewed were HORRIFIED by what they discovered. It seemed to me as if
"having friends" was pretty fucking high in their list-of-important-things-in-
life.

I was very amused by this, almost started laughing in fact. Human
relationships are not for everyone I'd say, in fact there are many healthy
people that view them as pointless waste of time at best.

Technology will solve this little problem once and for all, in this century. I
won't go as far as AGI but when house keeping robots become ubiquitous which
is surely less than 20 years down the road, society at large will have to
evolve and primitive points of view as described in this nytimes piece will
basically disappear.

~~~
hitekker
I once heard someone say "You can give everyone else but yourself a soul."
While I don't really know what that means, I think of it whenever I'm by
myself for long durations (3-4 months on average).

~~~
omarchowdhury
I think what it means is that the light of your presence or attention
illumines another's being, but I don't think agree that that very light can't
be turned toward yourself.

------
gammafactor
I'm sorry but this is garbage in my view.

We need to use the time we have in order to _do the things that are important
to us_ , not to enrich "others" whoever they may be. This obsession about
society and socializing and following norms and "fitting in" is one of the
things that are _seriously_ fucked up in the western world.

We need more people who have gone _sideways_ , more recluses, more geniuses,
more people who _do not fit in_ and do things their own way. Otherwise what's
the point?

I understand that this may sound _alien_ or maybe _crazy_ to people who have
grown up in western societies and therefore been _indoctrinated_ to an extreme
degree to seek the approval of others and so on, but that's all there is to it
really, social conditioning. Nobody will remember you 200 years after you die,
you better use the time you have to do something meaningful with your life and
to me that does not include idle socializing so that some sacks of blood, meat
and bone will "feel" sad when you're gone.

~~~
jodrellblank
There is literally nothing objectively "meaningful" _to do_ that we know of.
At all. Anywhere. Ever.

The concepts of "meaning" and "meaningful" come from the human mind, it's
subjective. Anything can be 'meaningful' to someone and not to someone else.

The point is not to make other people sad when you're gone, the point is to
make other people (and yourself) happier while you're alive.

~~~
alashley
Agreed, and there's no guarantee that pursuing what we deem to be meaningful
at the expense of interpersonal relationships will leave a mark on humanity.
As a matter of fact, a lot of great men and women are/were the product of
investments (not necessarily monetary) from their parents, teachers, friends,
and family.

