
Algorithmic Online Dating and the Paradox of Choice - samstokes
http://openresearch.wordpress.com/2010/07/10/algorithmic-dating-and-the-paradox-of-choice/
======
andreyf
This rings true: no girl I've dated would have given my profile on a dating
site a second look. You can't communicate over a profile what you can
collaborating on a project, tutoring someone, or even playing WoW. Conversely,
I don't like girls for what they would put in an online profile, but for the
way the act in person.

So the elephant in the room, I think, is that dating isn't really a problem
that needs solving via a web app. You can meet significant others in bars, art
and yoga classes, the gym, book clubs or Bible groups, summer or weekend
classes at a local college, study groups or tutoring, AA seminars, group
therapy or AA seminars, in galleries, concerts, parks, parades, political
action groups, conferences about hypnosis, or video games, or comics, or
programming languages, or role playing, and on, and on, and on. Dating your
coworkers might be risqué (although it hardly stops people), but dating your
coworker's friends is quite all right. And guess what: your coworker's friends
have friends, too. As long as you do things which involve meeting new people,
you'll probably run into people you like enough to date.

Hell, I know a lot more couples who met playing WoW than I do who met using
dating websites. What's the point of isolating and controlling the meeting of
mates, when it's such a natural byproduct of being social? Yes, for most
people, I think WoW counts as being a social activity.

~~~
_pius
It'd be hard for me to disagree with your conclusions more.

 _No girl I've dated would have given my profile on a dating site a second
look. You can't communicate over a profile what you can collaborating on a
project, tutoring someone, or even playing WoW._

I think a helpful way to think about online dating sites is as just another
class of venue, like a bar or whatever. You wouldn't expect to completely know
someone immediately after meeting them at a bar; rather, you're using a quick
first impression to decide if you want to get to know them more. After your
first date, it doesn't matter much where you happened to meet.

Just as some people don't come across well in bars, others don't come across
well in profiles. Sure you can argue that the "in person" impression is worth
more, but that's actually a bit dubious. An online profile lets some types of
people quickly demonstrate intelligence and personality in a way that some
other venues don't necessarily allow.

 _So the elephant in the room, I think, is that dating isn't really a problem
that needs solving via a web app._

Describing "dating" as a problem to be solved is akin to describing "graph
theory" or "linear algebra" as a problem to be solved; you're being overbroad.
There's the "life partner problem," the "I want to get laid tonight problem,"
the "summer fling problem," etc. I think the problem online dating solves best
is the "introduction problem" — how to efficiently meet people with whom you
share a baseline romantic interest.

 _You can meet significant others in bars, art and yoga classes, the gym, ...
on, and on, and on. .... As long as you do things which involve meeting new
people, you'll probably run into people you like enough to date._

While I agree with this, I disagree with the conclusion that these venues
obviate the need for online dating. What happens if you live in a very small
town? What if you don't have time to go to bars, seminars, and yoga? What if
you're shy? Online dating levels the playing field for people who are affected
by questions like those.

 _Hell, I know a lot more couples who met playing WoW than I do who met using
dating websites._

Dare I say, you are an outlier.

 _What's the point of isolating and controlling the meeting of mates, when
it's such a natural byproduct of being social?_

Maybe because it's more efficient? What does "being social" mean in this
context, anyway? And why is going to a yoga class to meet a mate intrinsically
superior to using an online dating site?

The girl I'm dating right now actually lived down the street from me for a
while, but because I don't work with her, go to her gym, or take Irish class,
I'd have been unlikely to have met her and gotten to know her without online
dating. Go figure.

Again, dating sites are just venues where you can meet people. It seems to be
more isolating and controlling to try to eliminate or deride them: why should
there be one less type of venue where people can meet potential dates?

I think there are many people out there who could really benefit from online
dating but demur from it because of the kind of thinking in the parent
comment.

