

Guess You Thought I Was Someone To Mess With - teaspoon
http://georgiaweidman.com/wordpress/guess-you-thought-i-was-someone-to-mess-with/

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chris_wot
That's fucking awful. On far too many levels.

Right now I'm feeling very angry, I'm not going to write anything more other
than to say: it doesn't matter what Georgia wore, it doesn't matter if she let
that bastard into her room, it doesn't matter if she said something he might
have construed as sexual. You don't rape women.

Georgia did nothing wrong here. To say otherwise is disgusting, and if you
think it you're a worm. Less than a worm actually.

------
indrax
ETA: I agree with mvanveen's comment below. As Georgia says, her duty is done.
My confusion should be taken as my own failure to relate. _Our_ duty is to fix
these problems.

I'm confused by the attitude of (maybe I'm reading this wrong) "This is a big
deal, not like that silly 'feminist' stuff" when everything wrong here (other
than the attack itself) is subtle institutionalized sexism.

They guy's a creeper, but he wasn't already outed and banned.

The victim's story is questioned because of
flirting/drinking/invitation/politeness

She had to second-guess herself and worry about legalities during the attack.

She's now afraid of sexist comments and still doesn't want to publicly name
someone who is dangerous. (I'm not criticizing her choice per se, the problem
is whatever is giving her reason not to identify him)

It's easy to treat all of these as little things, but if the community had
treated these issues as a big deal and dealt with them, maybe this attack
wouldn't even have happened.

~~~
mvanveen
I am not "confused" by this attitude. Can we cut a victim some slack? I think
asking her to take on that "subtle institutionalized sexism" is part of the
reason she expressed qualms about publishing this in the first place.

I think it took tremendous courage for the author to post this and I don't
think it's fair to ask her to try and address all these issues with her tone.

I think the fact we're more interested in analyzing the authors tone rather
than sympathizing with a woman who DEFENDED HERSELF FROM RAPE and wasn't given
sufficient support at a conference is maybe why she feels like she has to put
out such a tone.

Please don't misinterpret me and think I'm saying that dongle jokes are ok and
that subtle, institutionalized sexism isn't a big deal. I just think we could
do more to give people some safe space to express anecdotes like this, and
that might help foster an atmosphere of discussion.

Maybe then the next person who has the courage to come forward with an issue
like this will feel empowered enough to talk about the cultural factors you're
mentioning without needing to get on the defensive.

~~~
mdisraeli
(This comment is based on reading the edited thread-starting post, but is more
of an aside to the topic)

As someone involved in minority liberation campaigning, one of the biggest
failings I see of my peers is not letting members of the minority group /just
get on with their lives/. We are fighting for people to not have to fight, so
it's important that we support the right of those marginalised to /not take a
stand/, give them support when they on occasion decide to do so, and yet not
expect them to do so again.

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stc043
This tweet has the info about the attacker.
[https://twitter.com/Packetknife/status/347136455459618818](https://twitter.com/Packetknife/status/347136455459618818)

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chris_wot
Two twit pics, to really ram this home:

[http://t.co/cUdy33pxbl](http://t.co/cUdy33pxbl)

[http://t.co/edOkjADKNB](http://t.co/edOkjADKNB)

------
ada1981
Why not out the guy? at the very least, as warning to other people to be weary
around him.

~~~
wpietri
She mentioned on Twitter that she's afraid of a lawsuit. Somebody told her it
would be libel. I'm pretty sure that's not true in the US. But even if she
would eventually win the lawsuit, they can still be ruinously expensive, so
her fear could be justifiable.

Anyhow, other people have outed the guy on Twitter. You can turn it up with a
little rummaging. Several people have asked him for his side of the story, but
there has been no reply as yet.

------
thehodge
The response from the accused bloke - [http://blog.gont.com.ar/2013/06/lies-
nuts-and-quest-for-atte...](http://blog.gont.com.ar/2013/06/lies-nuts-and-
quest-for-attention.html)

~~~
wpietri
Yeah, that's persuasive. My summary: "Women are hysterical! And the bitch is
crazy! And there was alcohol! And you bad people shouldn't jump to
conclusions. And I'm not going to contribute to the drama by addressing any of
the accusations directly or making any factual statements, so instead I'll
contribute to the drama by clutching my pearls and calling for the fainting
couch about the shocking state of modern discourse. And also, I will make
vague threats of suing people."

Depressing. And ridiculous. She gave a detailed account of what happened, and
has posted photos of her injuries. He didn't even bother to deny the
accusations, let alone give his side of the story.

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avmich
Quite a direct story. And it's hard to find that line where further
advancements suddenly become unwelcome. I guess the advice "know your limits"
is what we have.

~~~
wpietri
I don't think it's hard to know the line where further advances become
unwelcome. I ask. It's surprisingly easy; you should try it.

~~~
Chris2048
> you should try it

Is that some kind of bad-faith accusation?

~~~
wpietri
"The wicked flee when no man pursueth."

No, it was encouragement to try it.

~~~
Chris2048
and yet the word 'try' implies to me some other meaning.

Why not try talking straight instead of abstractly?

~~~
wpietri
No, you infer some other meaning. That's all you. I meant what I said, and I
said what I meant.

~~~
chris_wot
Unfortunately, not everyone knows what you mean.

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skryl
Thanks for writing this. If anyone else is ever in a similar situation, please
do your best to get out of the room. Even if you think your attacker might be
hurt and is no longer restraining you, just get out. Get out and THEN call
someone. Knock on doors, whatever... if you don't have your phone. Staying put
and waiting for the attacker to leave is a BAD idea, even if you get a chance
to use a phone.

------
Camillo
How did the police react to the evidence of theft? Is there an investigation
under way? Shouldn't the guy get charged with that, at the very least?

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mathattack
We only know her side of the story, but it is still a very brave thing to
write.

