
Ways to make yourself happier - Lightning
http://blog.bufferapp.com/10-scientifically-proven-ways-to-make-yourself-happier
======
moron4hire
You can do all of these things and it won't make you happy. Barring any
clinical depression issues, "happiness" is a choice to accept the conditions
in which you live and to just Be Happy. If you ever start a sentence with
"I'll be happy when..." then you are not ever going to be happy.

I had to learn this the hard way. Almost everything I owned was destroyed in a
flood a couple of years ago. I watched one of my housemates freak out and cry
for days about it. It couldn't have been shoved in my face harder that the
choice was mine. I could assume that happiness came from the lifestyle I
designed for myself, as my housemate did, and therefore it had just been
completely destroyed with no hope of coming back any time soon. Or, I could
assume happiness was a state of being that could be achieved at any point in
time, no matter what was going on: that there are no prerequisites to
happiness.

And suddenly, I was happy.

And then I met my wife. And I got to more work that I loved, rather than
needed. And found a modicum of success in my consultancy. And got out of debt.
And made a lot of new, wonderful friends. After years of being unhappy and
getting nowhere on the goals that I thought would make me happy, I flipped a
switch and found out that the goals required happiness out of me.

~~~
krmmalik
I'm getting to this point in my life right now. Realising and trying to accept
happiness is a state of mind. It's rather new to me and it's a struggle most
days. Any advice?

~~~
moron4hire
In the early days, it was easy for me with the flood fresh in my mind, I could
say, "at least I didn't get dysentery." Living in a 1st world country tends to
give one a lot of things for which they should really rather be grateful.

I try to remember that I live in the absolute best times in history. 200 years
ago, even kings couldn't live as well as I do, now. I've got air conditioning.
I've got running water that is both hot AND cold. None of my family died from
tuberculosis. I can be reasonably sure nobody is going to invade my country
and kill my kin. I don't personally know anyone who has ever had dysentery.

And sometimes I just wallow in sadness. It feels good sometimes. Sleep in. Eat
a cheeseburger. Eat 3 cheeseburgers. Play a video game. Play a video game for
5 hours. Sometimes things have to get worse before they are big enough to get
rid of.

It's a conscious decision, every day. That's part of why I go by "moron4hire".
It's a reminder that, despite my ambitions and my progress, I'm a base idiot
compared to some other people. I still work and try to do more, but it's
because I know that it will help people, not because it will make me happy.

~~~
krmmalik
Thank you. I appreciate the insight.

------
sp332
The best trick I know for "improving affect" is very counter-intuitive. Think
about something good that happened to you, and really changed things. Now
imagine how much worse your day (or your life!) would be without that event.
Ten seconds, and presto! Your mood improves!

Edit: Affect is a noun. It means "the way you feel", and the inflection is on
the first syllable.
[https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/affect#Etymology_3](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/affect#Etymology_3)

~~~
dncrane
This is a good technique, it's called the "george bailey effect" (after the
main character in "It's a Wonderful Life")

More info:

[http://morehappy.me/2013/07/06/to-boost-happiness-imagine-
ho...](http://morehappy.me/2013/07/06/to-boost-happiness-imagine-how-else-
things-could-have-gone/)

[http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2746912/](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2746912/)

~~~
sp332
Oh, thanks! I knew I had seen it in a study but my Google-fu is weak.

------
llamataboot
I always laugh when these articles show up and every other tip is about
finding a way to pack a little exercise or a little recreation into a jam-
packed schedule. You too can do some pushups in between checking 200 emails at
your standing desk and running to your 17th appointment of the day! (Maybe you
would be happier if you had a more relaxed schedule?)

The flip side of that coin is that there is no such thing as a magic amount of
free time where you will suddenly be able to exercise, meditate, cook your own
meals, or whatever you want to do. It can either always be fit in or never be
fit in in my experience.

~~~
enraged_camel
>>The flip side of that coin is that there is no such thing as a magic amount
of free time where you will suddenly be able to exercise, meditate, cook your
own meals, or whatever you want to do. It can either always be fit in or never
be fit in in my experience.

What do you mean?

~~~
npsimons
I think I know; this always comes up in discussions of time management, self-
improvement, etc. One argument says "if it's valuable to you, you'll make time
for it." Which is true as it stands, and can be inspirational - it can be
extended to " _make_ time for what _truly_ matters to you." The reality is
that it's harder to break bad habits and develop good ones than most people
think. I like to say "people _can_ change, but most _won 't_". Some of PG's
essays follow along these lines, especially when he uses analogies of running
(I think "Hardest Lessons for Startups to Learn" was one prime example).

~~~
turtle4
I think the common phrasing is, "If it's important to you, you'll find time.
If it's not, you'll find an excuse."

------
sergiotapia
A sure-fire way to increase your happiness is to work out. Do 40 pushups a day
for a week, see how your mood improves. Your body is meant to be exercised,
don't deprive it of movement and muscle ache.

When I used to go to the gym I remember always sleeping soundly, always waking
up feeling awesome and always having a great feeling throughout the day. Can't
recommend it enough.

~~~
a3n
And if you can't do 40, do five. And if you can't do straight pushups, do knee
pushups. And if you can't do five, do one. Then two. Then five. Then 40. But
don't rush it, just do what you can and then a little more.

~~~
saturdayplace
Seconded. People often get overwhelmed at the scope of "become more fit" once
they've finished a workout or two. Doing it one small accomplishable bit at a
time is a totally valid way of building a fitness habit, and is NOT something
to be ashamed of. And for the RPG nerds here this is _exactly_ how you level-
up IRL.

~~~
Roboprog
Oh, man. How long I gotta spend level-grinding at the gym? (whah! :-))

------
maebert
Am I the first one to call this article out on BS pop neuroscience? If you
want to convince yourself that this makes you happier, just go and try it, but
completely context-deprived pictures of colourful blobs on a 3D brain
proves... nothing. Oh, you need sleep to be productive? Let's run a poorly
designed $20,000 fMRI study to prove that! Folks, this has to end.

~~~
jfoutz
not sure about the color blobs, but i think the gratitude stuff has some
foundation.
[http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/Labs/emmons/PWT/index.cfm?Sect...](http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/Labs/emmons/PWT/index.cfm?Section=2)

~~~
maebert
Oh, I have absolutely no doubts about that! And from at least the review
article they had on this page [1], it seems like the do some solid
psychological assessment of gratitude. What does concern me though is when
neuroscience is thrown into the mix just because everything seems more
convincing with brain scans[3]. The articles <del>cited</del> referred to in
the blog posts linked in the original blog post however often follow this
pattern: (1) Assess X (say, gratitude) with an established or new
questionnaire. (2) find a condition to vary (3) do a fMRI in both conditions
and (4) correlate the contrast with the questionnaire. If you found a
correlation, you found the neuronal cause for X! Publish!

This is just a huge waste of money. And also often enough poorly done [2].

[1]
[http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=JYj4KStQjhIC&oi=f...](http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=JYj4KStQjhIC&oi=fnd&pg=PA248&dq=Why+gratitude+enhances+well-
being:+What+we+know,+what+we+need+to+know.&ots=kVlQxo-
xE2&sig=ClfqEvW3v-PAIZe2X4SLza6A-N0#v=onepage&q=Why%20gratitude%20enhances%20well-
being%3A%20What%20we%20know%2C%20what%20we%20need%20to%20know.&f=false) [2]
[http://www.edvul.com/pdf/VulHarrisWinkielmanPashler-
PPS-2009...](http://www.edvul.com/pdf/VulHarrisWinkielmanPashler-PPS-2009.pdf)
[3]
[http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0465018777/ref=as_li_ss_tl?...](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0465018777/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0465018777&linkCode=as2&tag=slatmaga-20)

------
ra88it
I'm seeing a lot of comments playing devil's advocate by claiming that
happiness is a choice. That's true! But it doesn't contradict the article.

What we call 'happiness' or 'sadness' is just some combination of the
thousands of automatic judgements we've made about the world recently. All of
these judgments (choices) are themselves composed of smaller judgements (this
is good, this is bad). We try not to be 'judgemental', and I know what people
mean when they say that, but I'd say it is in fact probably all we _can_ do. I
mean, technically speaking.

You can zoom in to examine the tiny choices (to some extent), and you can zoom
out so that sometimes happiness looks for all the world like a single big ol'
choice. I think this is what people call 'clarity', and I think I've
experienced it once or twice.

But actually, for most of us, most of the time, happiness is the result of all
these tiny, composable, semi-automatic judgements about the world, and we have
to keep on making these choices, over and over and over again as we think. And
exercising, meditating, getting enough sleep, spending quality time with other
humans, etc. - this stuff really will help us improve our semi-automatic
judgements so that we are saying "this is good...this is good..." slightly
more often than before.

[slight edits for clarity]

------
bsbechtel
Short-term happiness and life satisfaction are two different things, and any
discussion on happiness really needs to include both.

You can exercise, meditate, walk to work, have 100 close friends and family
you keep in contact with regularly, and take every other step happiness gurus
preach, but if you aren't actively working towards goals that increase your
life satisfaction, you're in trouble.

The hard part is figuring out what you need to do to feel satisfied at the end
of the day.

------
jongraehl
I've read about these topics for a long time, and I quickly concluded that the
author(s) made no effort at skepticism. You absolutely cannot rely on such
superficial analysis of research. Even if you don't know anything you should
be suspicious (examples: women need more sleep than men "because their brains
are more complicated", 8.5 hrs sleep is less healthy than 5 hrs -
correlation/causation error at least; meditation doesn't just calm the mind
but is also one of the best ways to buy lasting happiness (evidence: quote
from meditation advocate)).

------
quarterto
Yes, it's very easy to tell the difference between two pictures of a person
smiling, one of which has had the contrast increased.

------
bendoernberg
"In fact, 100 hours per year (or two hours per week) is the optimal time we
should dedicate to helping others in order to enrich our lives."

First of all, recent research has indicated that shallow happiness is not as
important for well-being as a sense of purpose
([http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/08/meaning-
is...](http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/08/meaning-is-healthier-
than-happiness/278250/)).

Second, if you spend time helping others only so far as it enriches your life,
that is literally the definition of selfishness. This is NOT a philosophy that
should be encouraged or applauded.

Productivity is not an end, it is a means to accomplish something. If you are
the world's most efficient and productive marble bathtub designer, and you
only help others to the extent that it makes you happier, you are a jerk.

~~~
wtvanhest
>"Second, if you spend time helping others only so far as it enriches your
life, that is literally the definition of selfishness."

Everyone does selfish things, some of those things make people happier. The
author doesn't say to help people to be not selfish, the author says to help
people to feel better about yourself.

>"This is NOT an approach to life that should be encouraged or applauded."

Any reason why not?

>"If you are the world's most efficient and productive marble bathtub
designer, and you only help others to the extent that it makes you happier,
you are a jerk."

What if you are the world's most productive and efficient designer of water
systems to help save people in third world countries, and you only do it to
the extend it makes you happier, are you still a jerk?

I like the way you pass judgement on people and at the same time try to get
people to not help others because you view it as selfish.

[added] scarcrowbob (below) has such a good comment it is quotable.

~~~
enraged_camel
>>I like the way you pass judgement on people and at the same time try to get
people to not help others because you view it as selfish.

Yeah, his post is so asinine it makes my head hurt.

At the end of the day, there is a selfish component to _everything_. There is
no such thing as pure altruism: even acts that seem purely altruistic are
performed ultimately because they make the person feel good.

The important thing is that this does not make the person a jerk. I mean, is
Bill Gates a jerk? No, right? Helping other people makes him happier, and
gives him satisfaction with the feeling of giving back to the world, but if we
act like rational people and evaluate his actions on the effect they have on
others, then he's definitely an awesome person.

------
AznHisoka
I wonder if the reason we get happier b/c we get older is because our sexual
drive decreases. As it decreases, we focus less on what we can't get (more
attractive partner, more exciting sex, etc), because it simply doesn't become
as desirable.

~~~
chflamplighter
Interesting or maybe as we get older we have satisfied/achieved aspects of
that sexual drive and no longer see it as the end all be all with respect to
happiness. Either way I think you have a point with the narrative that sex =
happiness for some.

------
ryandrake
Not sure about #3. There are a lot of reasons why one would choose to live
farther from work. It's not just "wanting a bigger house." Quality of life,
better schools, proximity to outdoor activities, etc. could all compensate for
the pain of a long commute. Not to mention housing costs. Wonder where the
author lives... If you work in Manhattan or on the SF Bay peninsula, it is
unlikely that you can afford to live there.

~~~
jcl
If you click through to the research behind the "commute" item, you'll see
that it concluded that other things -- like an increased salary -- can indeed
compensate for a long commute.

The interesting thing that the research uncovered is that people are
_strongly_ biased to underestimate the effect of commute time relative to
other factors. For example, their survey found that people with effectively no
commute were about as happy as people with a one-hour commute who made 40%
more.

So, yeah, the article is wrong to say that things like a bigger house or
better job "just don't work". But they almost certainly won't work as well as
people expect them to.

------
drpgq
I find the planning of the trip is often the best part. Sometimes the trip
itself can be a bit trying, but you've got the memories forever. Plus you tend
to remember the positive parts or laugh at the negatives (I've had my passport
stolen twice abroad and I actually laugh now, although it did suck at the
time).

~~~
acqq
I must be an exception, planning something I know I'll have much better
information about once I'm in that distant place makes me less happy when I
have to do it before, based on the information I know it's at least incomplete
when not plainly wrong.

------
hschool
You can make yourself happier by deciding that you want to be happy. Our brain
can manufacture happiness. Listen to this talk by Dan Gilbert:
[http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.h...](http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html)

------
aaronmarks
reminds me of this tweet:

"happiness is a choice," insists able-bodied, healthy, beautiful millionaire
jennifer aniston in the new edition of some shit magazine

[https://twitter.com/plume__/status/362631201388892160](https://twitter.com/plume__/status/362631201388892160)

------
holri
On the Happy Life Seneca (First Century A.D.)

[http://thriceholy.net/Texts/Happy.html](http://thriceholy.net/Texts/Happy.html)

------
languagehacker
"According to The Art of Manliness..."

Seems like a very authoritative source.

~~~
ngoel36
Awesome book, actually!

