

The one skill you are born with, that we won’t hire without - kevingibbon
https://medium.com/lessons-learned/611d1810ce04

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EvanKelly
I'm not sure I agree with the premise that you are either born with empathy or
you aren't. Of course there are sociopaths who are defined by their lack of
empathy, but they (hopefully) aren't your run of the mill job applicants.

I've always thought of myself as empathetic, but was surprised when I became
even more so after a life changing event. I've spoken to many with a similar
experience.

Large, traumatic events can bring the world into focus and shift perspective
for those who experience them. Perhaps it's not an increase in empathy, but
rather a better understanding of what really matters to me. I don't yell at
the customer service rep on the phone solely because I care about their
feelings, but mostly because it's simply not that big a deal in the grand
scheme of things whether my internet is out or if I miss my flight. If someone
I care about is in danger, I doubt I would be as "empathetic".

There's always the old adage: "You catch more flies with honey"

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bliti
I'll be empathetic and put myself in your shoes. You have a growing company,
and need to hire good talent. Funds might be low, so you set out to blog about
something unrelated in order to include a jobs pitch. I understand. _Startups
are hard._ I'm currently trying to develop a tiny one myself, and having a
hard time doing so. Though I reason this type of blog post will mostly go
unnoticed by the talent that you seek. Try and be empathetic with programmers.
What do _we_ like to read about? What is our type of content? Write about
_that_.

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arnarbi
I greatly disagree that empathy is innate. It's exactly what separates
"teenagers" from young adults, and is very much a learned skill.

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gte910h
The effect you're referring to is a symptom of lack of mylenation on the
neural pathways to the prefrontal cortex. It keeps developing in many people
till the mid 20s.

It makes it so accessing empathy (and judgement in general) non-instantaneous
for teens. Adults have the mylenation, so can far more quickly access the
prefrontal cortex's gifts in a split second manner.

[http://hrweb.mit.edu/worklife/youngadult/brain.html](http://hrweb.mit.edu/worklife/youngadult/brain.html)
for more on this effect

While you certainly may be able to learn things as well, this is a
developmental brain function issue too. There is a limited amount of training,
and a certain amount of waiting, involved in getting an adult.

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arnarbi
Thank you! Very happy to learn that for once, science backs up my mental model
of something.

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lmartel
"The one WEIRD startup tip discovered by a Palo Alto mom--and why YCombinator
HATES her!!!"

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cz20xx
Does having empathy mean having to deal with tacky Windows admins who make
quasi-racist jokes and look over your shoulder at work because since you're 20
years younger than them, there's no way you could possibly know how to use a
Unix-like operating system.

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stephenaturner
Don't know if I entirely agree either that you're "born with it or not", but I
think it is something largely unteachable, but most people do develop it over
time (if they're going to develop it at all). Hence, teenagers often don't
have much but they will get it eventually, or certain life experiences can
open you to having more empathy.

There isn't much you can do to "teach" it.

~~~
jeremysmyth
Sure you can. It's like any life skill. There might not be a systematic
universal way to learn "professionalism", "manners", "etiquette", or
"communication skills", but those are certainly taught and learned. Why not
empathy, which is absolutely a core part of each of the above?

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gte910h
It's a brain function to have instantaneous access. You can't teach the brain
to mylenate faster. However, teens can slow down (count to 10) and then they
can access much of the same as adult judgement and empathy.

[http://hrweb.mit.edu/worklife/youngadult/brain.html](http://hrweb.mit.edu/worklife/youngadult/brain.html)
for more

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wpietri
From the title, my first thought was, "Ability to drink milk from a bottle?"
I'm a little scared to click the link.

~~~
pavel_lishin
Only if there's a nipple attached.

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B-Con
If it's a requisite for hiring, how do you test for it? Or do you only reject
candidates that clearly don't have it?

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anigbrowl
I'm afraid this left me with the impression that the writer is an extremely
patronizing individual with a bad temper.

