
Ask HN: How do I stop thinking about revenge? - trrw223
Throwaway for obvious reasons<p>In HS, I had my first gf, and she was smart and attractive. She dumped me, and while I&#x27;ve cut off her from social media and texting, she still is stuck in my head after three years. She found a new partner who is the ceo of a startup within the first weeks of going to uni, she is featured in local papers and blogs, and she got an internship at a big tech co. right after her first year.<p>I felt like a loser. So I went into uni thinking I’d improve my wardrobe, hit the gym, get back my revenge on her by finding a new partner and future wife, getting laid a lot, meeting smart wannabe entrepreneurs like me, find a cofound, and just generraly work hard and play hard. It was going to be great.<p>Yet none of that really happened. I flunked a class (mechE pathway) and had very few dates, both in person and from dating apps. The startup scene at this uni is full of apps and social media stuff that doesn’t really improve the world, not to mention full of more students from the business school.<p>So what now? I’ve seen numerous therapists, none of which really helped. I know I’m only 21, and I “have my whole life ahead of me” but she is still there in the back of my head. It’s been years now. It’s starting to impact my research in the lab.<p>While HN is tech-oriented, I feel I will get more educated responses here than say reddit or another random forum.
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tomhoward
I can relate to this. I spent more than 10 of the best years of my life being
embittered by heartbreaks and rejections in my late teens and early 20s. I
know how you must be feeling, and it's good that you're committed to
overcoming it.

It took me a long time to find stuff that worked, but after I found effective
techniques about 6 years ago, the turnaround has been profound.

The techniques I've found beneficial have been emotional healing techniques
that dig into the subconscious mind to identify deeply held beliefs and
traumas that were created or reinforced by the rejections.

I've found the root issue for me was that the rejections confirmed beliefs I
already held about myself, which is that I just wasn't good enough.

There's a lot to be said for the idea that people believe about you what you
believe about yourself. I've certainly found that to be true for me.

The techniques I've found effective or that I've seen be effective for other
people are:

\- Hypnosis (Milton Erickson style) [1]

\- Holotropic Breathwork [2]

\- Self Clearing [3]

\- Neuro Emotional Technique (NET) [4]

\- Psych K [5]

\- Kinesiology [6]

\- Family Constellations [7]

\- Daily meditation

\- EFT/Tapping [8]

No one of these practices is a panacea; what you really need to do is embark
on a journey of discovery to understand yourself and learn why these bad
experiences have happened to you, then develop new, more healthy beliefs and
behaviours.

The above techniques are not "remedies", but rather tools to help you
understand what's going on deep in your mind.

Different tools will be more useful at different stages of the journey. It
will take time to develop a sense of what tools/techniques you'll need when,
but it does come with enough time and effort.

Feel free to email me if you want more advice; email in profile.

Please believe me when I assure you that you can overcome this and live a life
of happiness way beyond anything you can currently imagine.

Good luck to you.

[1] [https://britishhypnosisresearch.com/about-ericksonian-
hypnot...](https://britishhypnosisresearch.com/about-ericksonian-
hypnotherapy/)

[2] [http://www.holotropic.com/holotropic-breathwork/about-
holotr...](http://www.holotropic.com/holotropic-breathwork/about-holotropic-
breathwork/)

[3] [https://www.amazon.com.au/Clear-Your-Shit-Accelerated-
Evolut...](https://www.amazon.com.au/Clear-Your-Shit-Accelerated-Evolution-
ebook/dp/B01AHKQZGA)

[4] [https://www.netmindbody.com/](https://www.netmindbody.com/)

[5] [https://www.psych-k.com/](https://www.psych-k.com/)

[6] [http://energyk.org/about-enka/what-is-energy-
kinesiology/](http://energyk.org/about-enka/what-is-energy-kinesiology/)

[7] [http://familyconstellations.com.au/fc-
explained/](http://familyconstellations.com.au/fc-explained/)

[8] [https://www.thetappingsolution.com/what-is-eft-
tapping/](https://www.thetappingsolution.com/what-is-eft-tapping/)

