

Ask HN: Writing copy...please critique my homepage - samp615

I am at a point where I am ready for some advice regarding the homepage of my new site. The rest of the site is not live yet...but can you please check out the site and tell me your thoughts on the layout and copy of the homepage?<p>Thanks<p>https://myrentr.com
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DanielStraight
Ultimately, what you're offering is a pre-vetted application that apartment-
seekers can use to try to skip the hassle of filling out and paying for
separate applications, right?

How are people supposed to get that from this?

"Land your dream apartment

Rentr is the world’s best tool to help you land your dream apartment."

That sounds like an apartment search app.

I think a lot of what you have written is good, it's just that what's front
and center is the least helpful copy on the page.

This, to me, would be much more useful as the first thing I read on the page:

"Create a Rentr profile [and] stop filling out multiple applications.

It only takes 7 minutes and includes a full credit report, background check,
social media links, and tons of other goodies."

The testimonials are made up, aren't they? If the rest of the site isn't live,
how can you have thousands of applicants and landlords involved? If they are
made up, get rid of them. Success or failure in a business like this hinges
entirely on trust.

~~~
27182818284
These proposed changes are significantly better than what is on the page right
now. "All the cool kids are doing it.", for example, made me want to leave the
page. It is very difficult to get that attitude right.

~~~
samp615
Thank you for this feedback. I agree and plan on taking this into account.

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lsiebert
I wouldn't use "Thousands of applicants and landlords can’t be wrong, can
they?"

I'd instead split into applicants and landlord testimonial sections, and
instead of bringing in the idea of wrong, (and giving a verbal choice) I'd use
something like, "Thousands of applicants have used MyRentr to get the
appartment they wanted." I'd also probably not reuse bandwagon appeals for the
landlord, instead go with something like "Here's what successful landlords
have to say about MyRentr."

I presume that the service was launched locally and that accounts for the
testimonials. If they are fake, remove them. If you grow and have more
testimonials, try to geo target the first testimonial to the nearest big city.

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dynabros
You want to scrunch as much detail as possible into h1 and h2, while making
them as short as possible. I'd change the blue h1 text to show on one line.
Shorten the h2 text and make it more concise.

The overall layout is good, color scheme is easy on the eyes. Make the picture
of the application about 75% of current size and sharpen the image. Bold the
navigation bar on top, or at least space out the letters a little more.

On the rentr application page the difference between the smaller and larger
text is too large. Cut the sizing difference a bit.

Regarding the copy - keep testing. Again, get as concise and detailed as you
can.

Good luck!

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Chris_X
I would go with a static homepage instead of the slider. And make the headline
more meaningful. Ultimately your visitors aren't interested in creating an
account. Instead, they probably want an easy way to rent an apartment (if I'm
not mistaken).

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iurisilvio
Clickable: <https://myrentr.com/>

------
sixQuarks
I like where you're going with the site. The first time, you never get it
right, but I think you're on the right track. I would try to list more
benefits on the homepage. good luck

~~~
samp615
Thanks brother.

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Mz
I liked the pictures of the building and the handshake, but the picture of the
paperwork -- which, for me, popped up first -- seemed very busy and
distracting. If you can improve on that, do so. Maybe some more abstract
representation?

~~~
lsiebert
I'd do AB testing on abstract representations vs. pictures, And I'd consider
switching the fist bump to a hand shake.

~~~
samp615
I've been considering changing the paper to a step-by-step illustration on how
to use the product. My thought was that I wanted the paper form to be a photo
because I wanted the customer to see an example of the product.

Thanks again for all the feedback

~~~
Mz
The other two images are symbolic, not literal. One is a symbol of trust,
another an image of a desirable place to live but is presumably not literally
some specific place you are promoting. The feel good, pretty symbols draw
people in. If you want to represent a contract, fine. But trying to share a
sample instead of the idea of doing the paperwork is jarring and feels
overwhelming and offputting. I used to make my husband read all contracts and
fill out all papers. If I want your service, it is because you will spare me
the trauma of piles of paperwork.

Maybe a picture of a building, followed by a handshake followed by keys in
hand? To tell the story without words? But don't remind me of the paperwork.
Find a way to tell me you are the person who will spare me the pain of the
paperwork, because I don't fucking want to do the paperwork. That's what I
presumably am paying you for. So show me imagery of how easy and painless this
is, not imagery of torturous paperwork.

Just my opinion.

Best of luck.

~~~
samp615
This is excellent advice. I dig it. Thanks for taking the time to respond!

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thoughtcriminal
Is this US only? If so, are there any plans for Canada?

~~~
samp615
As of now, just US. It took a lot of work to be certified to accept social
security numbers and do background checks. So We would like to tackle the US
first before moving ahead. We are bootstrapped too the extreme! So trying to
make it happen with little resources.

~~~
jameswyse
It's a great idea, we're looking for a new place right now as our lease is up
and I wish there was something like this for Australia.

