

Ask HN: How to deal with compensation disparity among peers - realunreal

There is disparity in compensation in among peers, this happens both at an organization level(colleagues) and also at a personal level(friends).<p>If I look at myself as the median, I feel happy that I have reached somewhere when I look at the people below me, I feel sad that I have reached nowhere when I look at the people above me. My moods often oscillate between these two states and this is affecting my work and peace of mind.<p>How does one deal with this?
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LinusF
I don't know if it's related to American culture as such.

Comparing to others is a good algorithm for a group environment when resources
are scarce (if you don't do it, you get screwed and die).

Problem is we're no longer living in an environment where resources are
scarce, but our brains haven't been rewired.

Our instincts still want to solve the "am I getting my fair share" problem,
when the logical problem to solve is "how do I spend a minimal amount of
boring time on getting enough resources to live comfortably".

You cant un-wire the "am I getting my fair share" algorithm, but whenever it
pops up you can use that as a trigger to consider the relevant problem
instead. "Could I be working less, get paid more for the same work or get to
work on something more fun for the same money?"

Once you start thinking of work as money paid per boring hour, then
compensation takes on a different perspective. The solution to the money
problem may be to work for a start-up (high variance, high EV, potentially low
amount of boring hours, or high amount, depending on the startup:)), a big
company that lets you work on interesting problems (less variance, low amount
of boring hours), working in banking (high amount of boring hours, high
return) or whatever else you think is an optimal solution for you, but at
least you realise that it is about how you optimise for the problem that
matters, not what someone else comes out with compensation-wise (he may be
trading a high amount of boring hours for high compensation, or he may have
gotten lucky on a high variance route).

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Humjob
This question touches deeply on numerous topics, but I would say the foremost
areas of concern are your identity/self-image and what you value in life. It
sounds ultra cliched, but if you value success solely by income then you are
likely doomed to run the hedonic treadmill and will forever unhappily compare
yourself to others. American culture does not really have a framework for
other modes of living, which is why so many people fall into the 'income
comparison trap.'

You can spend months/years/decades delving into this question, but as a
starter I would recommend checking out Eckhart Tolle's book, "The Power of
Now." I don't recommend many books on spirituality since most of them are full
of pseudo-scientific garbage, but PoN is a good one for the practical
mindfulness tips it gives.

I would respectfully not recommend that you move to a lower income community
just so you can be the top earner; this is merely putting a band-aid on the
problem, and from a practical standpoint your neighbors will likely be less
able to help you personally/professionally.

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LinusF
Get over the bias of looking at compensation on a relative scale. It doesn't
matter what X earns, it matters what you earn. You can't beat the bias but you
can at least acknowledge intellectually that it isn't logical and work on not
comparing to others as often.

Alternatively move to communities where you are the top earner.

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Mz
Find something else to base your sense of identity/self-esteem on besides your
income.

