
Ask HN: What was your biggest life lesson in 2015? - aforarnold
Hey All,<p>I want to know what you have learned in 2015 that you never realised before. I am going to start with my self, I learned one thing:
1. Identifying people who really matters in life is super important. We generally don&#x27;t think like this but when the person is not around you, you will realise how the person was in your life. And don&#x27;t forget to show your gratitude you never know when it&#x27;s the end.<p>I would really like to know your life lesson. May be some of us learn from other and can use in 2016.<p>Thanks in advance.
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zinghaboi
I figured out that people bond with other people better by engaging in
'wasteful activities'. I figured out the importance of "fitting in". It is
funny but I couldn't realize it in the first 24 years of my life. I had never
needed to make others happy. At work, I would go about my stuff and didn't
have to bother about what others thought (as long as my work was being done).
In College, I could simply ace exams and didn't have to worry about what other
people thought about me. People around me have always engaged in things that
seemed excessively wasteful to me (going to movies, partying, drinking). And I
was happy in my own little world.

Things changed when we started a company...a B2B company. We started selling
at the beginning of this year and I found myself in a salesman's role (lucky
me). I couldn't say no to meeting people, I couldn't say no to events, I
couldn't say no to going to bars after events, I couldn't say no to partying,
I had to engage in everything that I thought was wasteful. I was awkward and
dumb at times but it helped me bond with people. I kept away from it for far
too long, but now I try to force myself to meet people.

I know this is nothing new to most of you. But it was revelation for me. In
startups, sometimes you have to force yourself to go against your very nature.

~~~
Rainymood
>People around me have always engaged in things that seemed excessively
wasteful to me (going to movies, partying, drinking)

How are these activities wasteful? Please elaborate. What activities would you
not consider to be wasteful?

~~~
Nadya
I'd define it as not personally fun or entertaining.

I don't go to the movies. I'd rather read a book. I don't go to parties. I'd
rather work on my calligraphy. I don't drink - not even lightly - but I see
heavy drinking as a complete waste of time (literally blacking out or not
having memory of most of the previous night).

If I ever have the feeling of "I'd rather be doing something else" then
chances are what I'm doing is a waste of my time. I should be doing that
something else.

------
mindcrime
2015 was, for me, mostly just an extension of 2014 in this regard, as I had a
big "life altering" experience late in 2014. I had a heart-attack in November
2014 and could well have died. Luckily I live close to a good ER and what-not
and got prompt treatment and I'm mostly fine now. I'm on a bunch of new
medicines, but otherwise things are mostly back to normal. I did some mountain
bike racing this summer, before I tore my rotator cuff in a fall and switched
to mostly road cycling until I get my shoulder fixed up.

Soo... to answer the question... and hopefully without sound to glib, I'd say
"take your health seriously. Stuff creeps up on you". That is, all the
warnings you hear about "eat right, exercise, keep your cholesterol down",
etc... yeah, that stuff does matter. And yes, it can happen to you. I know,
because I was one more person walking around thinking "that stuff only happens
to other people" until I was on the back of an ambulance wondering if I was
going to die.

I really don't like being the preachy type, but if I have any useful advice to
share, I'd say it's this... invest in taking care of your body. And by
"invest" I mean, time, knowledge, money, exercise, food, whatever elements you
need to leverage to maximize your health. Read a book like _Cholesterol
Clarity_ and understand how this cholesterol stuff really works. If you're a
little overweight (or a lot) find a way to start getting more exercise. Buy a
bicycle, or a skateboard, or a surfboard, or just some comfortable walking
shoes, whatever. Throw out the Doritos and sugary sodas and shit. Learn to eat
healthy. Quit smoking if you smoke. That sort of thing.

~~~
aforarnold
Sorry to hear you went through those time. I am exactly the same guy as you
told "that stuff only happens to other people". I am skinny fat, in 2015 I cut
a lot of sugar from my food. But struggling with a proper exercise routine, I
like running. But, I can not manage time for that. I am in late 20s so I know
this is the time to start. Lets see whether I can change it in 2016 or not.
But thanks a lot for sharing it!

~~~
olegious
Check out reddit.com/r/bodyweightfitness - the FAQ has a great routine you can
do at home.

~~~
mindcrime
Another great resource for bodyweight and "bodyweight+" workouts is Scrapper's
page at

[http://www.trainforstrength.com](http://www.trainforstrength.com)

Check out the "Sandbag Death" and "Swings and Sprints" workouts.

~~~
koide
I love fitnessblender.com They have plenty of wonderful routines, bodyweight
only or not, of low difficulty going up to 90 minutes high difficulty sweat
fests.

------
andrewthornton
When you feel emotional, wait at least five minutes before acting, especially
if you are upset. It is tough to do but waiting to cool off and think before
acting has really saved my bacon a couple of times.

~~~
edwinespinosa09
not only is it important to have "emotional intelligence" with others but will
save you a lot of headaches with family relations

------
lazyjones
I learned several things the hard way this year:

\- stay away from people who have shown bad character traits in the past (e.g.
cheating, violence, drug abuse...) even if they downplay/justify it and behave
reasonably towards you for a long time

\- Severe health issues can creep up on you even if you have no symptoms and
live a reasonably healthy life (no smoking/drinking/weight/obvious
environmental issues). I apparently lost either the genetic or Chernobyl
lottery and had a rare tumor removed that nearly left me quadriplegic. My
typing speed is now approx. 1/5th of what it was before and my hands ache all
day, but fortunately I can still walk and do most things like before.

~~~
jabgrabdthrow
How is drug use a character trait? More than half of Americans drink alcohol.
Nobody gets addicted to anything on purpose...

~~~
lazyjones
> _How is drug use a character trait?_

Some people will observe the effect of drugs on themselves and avoid them or
limit the consumption because of it.

Some people will actively seek drugs despite the risks and downsides because
they want an easy solution for life's problems and that's the character trait
I mean.

------
Walkman
I learned that money is not everything, and a lot more from this article:
[http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-
yo...](http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-
person/) (Basically how people work). My life turned upside down after reading
it.

------
spoiledtechie
I had a custody case for my daughter this year. To many bad things happening
in moms side for me to allow my daughter to stay with her. I was $120,000 in
debt because of it. I am now only $67,000 in debt.

Hard work and dedication pay off. Don't stop fighting for what's right.

~~~
aforarnold
Great, thanks for sharing :)

------
madaxe_again
Be happy. Don't go looking for happiness, you won't find it anywhere other
than in yourself.

I decided to stop being a miserable S.O.B. halfway through this year, and it's
made a difference to everything from work to home to health.

Also, don't go seeking stress and strife out. They'll come to you often
enough, you don't need more.

~~~
edwinespinosa09
There's a saying that I heard recently that seems applicable here:

Happiness is an emotion; joy is an attitude.

------
jboggan
Writing down an affirmation of fulfilling a goal on a daily basis and doing
concrete work on it every day, no matter how small. I embarked on this after
reading Scott Adams and found it remarkable in sustaining the mindset
necessary to tackle a difficult project.

~~~
aforarnold
Which books of Scott Adams you are referring to? Any specific book you read?

------
thearn4
Had a son. I learned that the whole "they grow up so fast! blink and they're
not even babies anymore" thing is not a cliche at all. Time has flown and it
is blowing my mind.

~~~
nstart
Just had my son four weeks ago. What a crazy ride it has been already. I went
from 'this is wonderful' to 'maybe this was a mistake' to 'I don't want him to
grow up anymore' all in that short time span. It's amazing. Would love to swap
notes :D

------
aws_ls
Nothing in the league of _biggest life lesson_ , but somethings which I am
happy about (or trying work-in-progress):

\-- Cut down all sugar. I started to take my tea/coffee without sugar. And no
sweets. Try to take a fruit when have the urge. Which resulted in a drop of
2.5 kgs of weight (better BMI)

\-- Realizing that yelling at family members (e.g. kids) make you unhappy
later on for a long time, with guilt/etc. Better at it, but its obviously a
perennial work-in-progress

\-- Off Facebook, for some months. Always had the power to quit and had quit
intermittently couple times before. But the last stretch I was fooling myself
that I need to be on it, to share interesting stuff with some friends I like.
(Now when I really have an urge to share, just bcc select friends in email.
But this mode and thought process may change again.)

~~~
aforarnold
\-- Realizing that yelling at family members (e.g. kids) make you unhappy
later on for a long time, with guilt/etc

Can you share more on this?

~~~
aws_ls
If you live with other people, there is friction, irrespective how much you
love them. And often no easy way to resolve. Example: Just today morning, I
had to drop my teenage son to an exam center. I woke up before my normal time
(and it being a Sunday) so that he is not late because of me. But he was 15
minutes late (he always is, whenever we need to do an errand together), and
there is no easy way to handle. The question is: you try and explain why being
late is not good (he also knows, obvious stuff) or just yell?! Today, I didn't
so I feel better about it.

------
orky56
Develop your character by listening to your conscience in the face of ethical
dilemmas. Develop your intuition by making mistakes and doing personal post-
mortems to ensure you are learning rather than just floating through life. Put
yourself out there and don't worry about what others think since this is the
only way you'll know yourself. Vulnerability demonstrates courage more than
staying in your comfort zone. Use the T-shaped approach to make an impact
while still allowing others to respect you. Don't forget to be happy today
since it is the journey to your dreams that makes the dreams satisfying and
motivating enough to create new ones.

------
dosh
It's been a crazy year.

\- even smart people will react very differently to same events, mostly
because of their context/interest/values.. but most of all, emotions.

\- until the money is in the bank. many people will bs you, but you never
really know everything until someone actually takes action or commits.

\- scalability of an organization depends on its people. the leadership, the
hubs(influentials), and the values/culture. the structure comes after.

\- never give up. we got accepted to YC on our 2nd try.

------
Kapura
If you get bad vibes from somebody you're working with, be cautious. If that
person's title is CEO, run.

------
DougN7
My Dad died this year. He was an engineer and a good man, but not very
emotional. At the end of his life, the most important thing of all was
relationship, and most important was family relationships.

His final advice was to include more people in everything I do (family,
friends, coworkers, etc), and to "go have joy". That last bit is meaningful
because I am overly concerned about the future.

------
kiraken
I learned that freelancing is only 10% coding and 90% people skills

~~~
mettamage
Would that mean that a freelancer with subpar coding skills and good people
skills would be more successful than a freelancer with good coding skills but
subpar people skills?

If so, is it because of what you said or not? If not, then why not and how
come your 10% coding and 90% people skills still holds true according to you?

Just a curious question :)

~~~
bitshaker
In my experience, yes.

As to why, people like working with people who are like them.

Assuming that the development part is good enough, having people skills blows
that person away.

I learned my skills from various sources, but I found a coach that took me to
the next level. His name is Marcus Oakey. I'm sure he is still teaching.

------
codegeek
I alwasy knew this but 2015 really confirmed it for me. My dad passed away
this year. Life is short. Don't sweat the small stuff that wouldn't matter in
the long run. Try to be happy with whatever you can. Yes, plan for things and
work hard. But don't forget to party harder. Life is short. Did I say that
already ?

------
rdl
Do what you love. If you realize you're not doing that on a regular basis,
change what you're doing.

(clearly this doesn't work at too fine a level of granularity, as there are
always important tasks which if not done lead to bigger problems, but at least
be able to connect those tasks to a bigger good outcome.)

~~~
nether
Roller coasters it is.

------
jules
Very few people are evil. Most evil is good people operating under incorrect
beliefs.

------
Havoc
People skills matter more than I previously thought & determines professional
success to a large extent.

Not a wild insight I know but still new to me.

------
amorphid
That being a software developer at a technology company trumps being a
developer at a company that has technology.

------
eli_gottlieb
Things can go far better by sheer luck than you had hoped they might go by
deliberate planning.

------
guimobob
I realized that I have to make my own happiness. I shouldn't wait for
something to change by itself or for opportunities to show up, because it
won't happen.

I worked a lot on myself this year and I have achieved far more than I would
ever hope for. I am now transitioning. I also found a job that I love, that is
well paid, have growth opportunities and where everyone knows and accepts that
I am transgender. All those 2 things required a lot of work (and really a lot
of work) but damn was it worth it.

I am now happier than I have ever been and looking forward to 2016!

------
bitshaker
I learned how to incorporate life lessons unconsciously. A vastly useful tool.

~~~
zmeden
Can you tell more about this.

------
skrebbel
Babies make you tired

~~~
markyc
yes, and they seem to poop more than they eat somehow

------
nooron
I started the year with knee injuries that made basic activity, let alone
sports, prohibitively painful. After months of PT and exercise, they're better
now. I am pretty young, so this problem was very unexpected.

The lesson is that any day I can make marginal gains is a good one. Focusing
on achieving on a day-to-day basis has made working on my startup -- a big
long term project -- much easier.

~~~
decasteve
I can relate. I broke my ankle in December 2011. It was also painful, even
after recovery. My ankle was perpetually injured. I've had 3 surgeries, the
latest in February 2015. Since then I've been making small gains, but no set-
backs, and can finally run and jump without pain--about 90% of what I was
before the brake.

As my ankle improves, so does my life along with it. Small gains and small
steps forward.

------
Overtonwindow
It's better to stay quiet than say anything.

------
Entalpi
1\. Never underestimate people. 2\. Never compare persons, it is unfair to
everyone and makes the comparer look bad.

~~~
spoiledtechie
Comparison leads to violence. Just my two cents.

------
sultansaladin
Always look seconds ahead when driving

~~~
nether
Get mobileye?

------
isxek
In general, the older you get, the more "boxed in" you become by your history.

At this point, it's either I start at the very bottom, competing with people
fresh off school who are willing to work for next to nothing, or make some
loans and take up a new college degree.

------
coderKen
You must have heard this before but I was totally stoked when I found.

If you write down a goal on a piece of paper and think of a plan to achieve
it, you will definitely achieve it NO MATTER HOW BIG OR IMPOSSIBLE IT MAY
SEEM.

True story.

------
manish_gill
2015 was the most boring year for me. I didn't even venture out of my own city
the whole year. So I guess my life lesson is to travel more, try new things,
don't be afraid to take risks etc.

------
lightningstorm
How many online courses are available and how it's possible to learn all the
things I missed learning earlier in my life, practically for free.

------
sarciszewski
I learned that no matter how hard I try, the world only rewards winners, and I
am not one.

------
qute
I learned that reality is not so far from movies (depends heavily on where you
live though).

------
huac
Don't blame yourself

------
DGAP
Hard work and happiness are directly correlated.

~~~
qute
slaves would object on that

------
hrishikesh2410
We are all stardust anyways! . . . . . . . . . plz reply if you get this.

