

Unsuck It - translate business jargon - jbr
http://unsuck-it.com/

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nash
<http://unsuck-it.com/as-soon-as-possible-asap/> Strange; Whenever someone
tells me they need something ASAP, I generally consider it to mean "they don't
know when they need it, so it's not important".

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billybob
Not necessarily. Imagine that you get a performance bonus based on how quickly
you finish a task, and you're waiting on someone else for something. You don't
have a specific deadline, but the sooner you get what you need, the better.

You COULD make an artificial deadline and say "I need this today." But that
means "drop everything for me." Maybe you're emailing your boss and don't have
the clout to demand that, or maybe you want to save that demand for when you
REALLY need it today.

So ASAP would be my way of saying "it's important, but I recognize that
something else on your list might be even more important." The "P" gives the
receiver some wiggle room. In that way, I think it's more polite than "today,"
while still more urgent than "sometime this week."

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jgrahamc
<http://unsuck-it.com/rock-star/>

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nash
Yeah: Business jargon. Whenever a PHB tells you they are a rock star or a
wizard you know they _may_ know how to use a mouse.

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ABrandt
Hmmm I tried feasibility analysis, time to market, and monetization. I got
zilch on all three, maybe I'm not a big enough business jerk.

~~~
mccreath
<http://unsuck-it.com/define/>

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jdc
"Diversify Unsucked:

Change."

... no.

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lucraft
"Dogs breakfast" is terrible business jargon? I've been an MBA since I was 5
then...

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rvanrooy
Eat your Own Dog Food is the one I never get. I know it's supposed to mean
that your dog food should be good enough to eat yourself, but it's akin to
expecting the CEO of a pet food company to open a can and start eating!

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raganwald
I think that it's more memorable this way precisely because it's unlikely to
happen. Think of the riddle: "Why does Dog Food taste like shit?" "Because
nobody ever eats it."

If the saying was "Eat your own croissants," it wouldn't have the same punch
because most croissants are reasonably edible and indeed people who make
croissants do taste test them.

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sriramk
Maybe I'm betraying my corporate institutionalization here but I was reading
through the list and going "Hey, that isn't so bad, is it?".

Are terms like boilerplate, 'at the end of the day' so bad? :)

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zbyszek
Think of a sentence containing "at the end of the day". Now remove that
phrase. Does your sentence convey any less information? Unless the time of day
is actually germane to what you are saying something (e.g. "At the end of the
day I draw the curtains and have a cup of cocoa.") then it is just superfluous
verbiage. And that's bad because it obscures the message.

"Boilerplate" is jargon, but conveys some information, so I think that's OK.

~~~
raganwald
The Etymology of Boilerplate is fascinating. Imagine receiving a press release
on a piece of steel plate so that you could put it right onto the presses.
Neat-o!

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boilerplate_(text)#Etymology>

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DennisP
I was once in an industry meeting with representatives from five major
corporations. The corporate-speak got so bad sometimes I could barely follow
it. It was like a different dialect.

After a while I noticed that the more unpleasant the thing the speaker was
trying to convey, the thicker the dialect got. One guy treated us to five
minutes of near-impenentrable jargon that ultimately boiled down to "what's in
it for us?"

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cptnred
There's even an email button so you can send your boss a message saying "Hey
douchebag! Stop torturing the English language!"

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groaner
If this sort of thing catches your fancy, the _Dictionary of Corporate
Bullshit_ (<http://corporatebs.com/>) is a fine collection of humorous
definitions.

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grg
<http://unsuck-it.com/?s=asdf>

I like the response page when you search for something that's not defined.

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samratjp
Hmm, they got synergy in there as well: _Unsucked: Working together._

An addendum would be: Leech-y, take advantage of a said _synergy_ situation,
etc.

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helveticaman
I added innovator:

1\. Douchebag without technical knowledge. 2\. (Rare) In IP, a non-douchebag
with techical knowledge.

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gacba
Is it just me or is there as much urban slang (chillax) as there is PHB-speak?
(paradigm shift)

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endual
Hmmm, tried to redefine "angel investor" as "sugar daddy" and it hasn't
work... Maybe they approve it? Whatever, back to the shiraz!

