
CV of Failures [pdf] - irenetrampoline
https://www.princeton.edu/~joha/Johannes_Haushofer_CV_of_Failures.pdf
======
secfirstmd
Ha, this reminds me of my own track record in applying for jobs...

I must have possibly the widest number of rejections by many of the most
prestigious companies, NGOs and government institutions in the world.

Prestigious names like Google, Apple, Facebook, McKinsey, Stripe, The
Guardian, BBC, UN, Amnesty International, Christian Aid, Shell, Statoil,
Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, JP Morgan, Deutsche Bank, US Embassy London,
UK Labour Party, UK Foreign Office, Stroz Freidberg, Billiter, Mandiant,
Portland PR, KPMG, Deloitte - that's just a sample!

After awhile I decided I was just better off setting up my own company - and
haven't looked back since. Now some of them work with and have to hire my
company instead. :)

If anyone feels bored and wants to add your name to such an illustrious list,
drop me an email with a job description, I'll make a fake application and you
too can reject with the stars... :)

~~~
bshimmin
That's quite a list! I can't really compete at all, apart from to say that I
too was rejected by Deloitte, in somewhat amusing circumstances - having
negotiated the necessary hoops to get to a final interview, the very nice lady
interviewing me asked what should, really, have been a very simple question:
"Why do you want to become an accountant?" Sadly some sort of terrible
realisation hit me at this point and I froze, looked at her in horror, paused
for an eternity before finally answering, "Well, I've always liked numbers!"
She looked baffled. I started laughing. She started laughing too (probably, in
retrospect, nervously). That was the end of my fledgling career as an
accountant.

~~~
encoderer
What is the appropriate answer, for the aspiring accountants among us?

~~~
nxzero
Something like...

"Accounting is the language of business. Accurate, precise, and timely
financial information is vital to the success of any business."

~~~
slmyers
Except that doesn't really describe one's motivations for becoming an
accountant.

~~~
emilburzo
That and the fact that it sounds good, makes it perfect

------
have_faith
This reminds me a lot of Facebook (and other social media), where people put
up a fake persona, only show their best side etc. The effect that this must
have on people growing up with social media as a major part of their lives
while they develop intuition about the world and other people will have very
interesting results I think.

I know that life before social media wasn't much different, in that people
still gossiped, bragged about their accomplishments and so on. But social
media amplifies these traits enormously and presents them to you daily in a
concise list of why everyone is doing better than you.

~~~
JamilD
I was just thinking the same thing. It's so easy to look at someone else's
public, social media persona and forget about the struggles that they've faced
as well. There's immense pressure to show a face of complete perfection, even
if that's not the reality.

I can imagine it being incredibly freeing to drop that pretense, both for
others and oneself.

~~~
w0utert
It's the main reason I refuse to take part in the whole 'social' media circus.
Many people have called me strange and anti-social and whatnot, but one look
at my girlfriend's timeline every now and I feel proven right again.

If I ever have children I'll make sure to teach them from the moment they are
old enough to understand that social media is just posturing, self-promotion
and narcissism, and in no way representative of 'real' people or 'real' lives.
I wouldn't mind if they would use it, as long as it's pretty damn clear that
the image other people paint of themselves is not something to aspire for.

------
epalmer
I've learned much more from my failures than my successes. Painful leaning but
learning none-the-less. Once bid a SW development project at about $500,000
USD. Should have been more like $1,000,000. Negotiated with client to split
the difference. My company did not make a profit that year but the client got
version one of a system that went on to save them >$25,000,000 a year one year
later and we got a long term client. I think we did 5 versions of that system
for them.

Learned how to read requirements and put in fudge factors on budget estimates.

Glad I'm not in that business anymore.

------
leeny
I've always tried to think of a way that people could include offers they got
but didn't take on their resumes. Too often, people take jobs for the brand
sparkle in the hopes that it'll up their employability in lieu of working on
stuff they actually want. So if you ended up with an offer from Google or
whatever but didn't take it, it might be cool to share that to still get the
stamp-on-your-forehead effect.

P.S. I hate how things work.

~~~
gohrt
What's the point? If you didn't take that job, presumably you got something
better instead, and that's on your resume.

~~~
leeny
Better is, unfortunately, relative. A more interesting, fulfilling job for you
might not have a strong enough brand to be a resume boost, whereas a job at a
more visible company, while potentially less interesting, might be great
social proof.

------
chillacy
Reminds me of that saying: the master has failed more times than the beginner
has tried. Fear of failure is a real thing that I and many others have, which
is tragic because I think a truly rewarding life requires taking risks.

~~~
plafl
I didn't know the saying but I like it a lot. I will add that once you fail
you no longer fear failing.

------
AceJohnny2
Reminds me of the Nike Michael Jordan "Failure" commercial, in which he lists
all the things he failed at in basketball:

[https://youtu.be/JA7G7AV-LT8](https://youtu.be/JA7G7AV-LT8)

~~~
ronilan
You failed to link to the original commercial and instead linked to a remake
:)

([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc)
Uploaded on Aug 25, 2006)

------
irremediable
That is uplifting. I recently got two conference papers rejected, and I was a
bit downcast about it. It's nice to be reminded that individual failures don't
tell you much about long-term success.

~~~
joshvm
I've given up worrying about conference paper reviewers. The last paper I
submitted got a strong accept from one, and a reject from the other (the
overall decision was accept). Interestingly the reasons for accept/reject were
almost exactly the same - the stuff one guy liked, the other guy hated. It's
completely luck of the draw, so don't be disheartened.

In any case, I pick conferences largely based on their location (if I can get
paid to go) rather than their academic merit. That's what journals are for!

------
toth
Love this part:

"Meta-Failures

2016 This darn CV of Failures has received way more attention than my entire
body of academic work"

~~~
RegW
Perhaps this is issue of perception. Less of a failure, more of an unwanted
success.

------
ibrahima
> Meta-Failures > 2016 This darn CV of Failures has received way more
> attention than my entire body of academic work

Poor guy

~~~
tenismyanswer
This is clearly more interesting. Academic papers === yawn.

------
StriverGuy
Not to brag, but I have definitely failed wayyyyyy more than that.

~~~
tomrod
My thoughts exactly.

~~~
wwu137
me too

------
akhilcacharya
I love the idea behind this but it is telling that he is legitimately
successful when his actual vita has seven pages, not two, and still features
three world-class Universities.

~~~
ambicapter
I think it is telling that, though this guy is obviously more successful than
I, he also have failed far more than I. Makes me think I need to put myself
out there WAY harder.

~~~
ra1n85
I think that's the most notable trait I've come to consistently see in the
successful - the willingness to try, and the insistence on continuing to try
after failure.

------
nautical
This is interesting ! .. I find this uplifting and I am not talking personally
uplifting but I respect the person who made the CV more . A failure CV
actually tells what all a person really cares about and has tried . Do you
people feel it would be a good idea to ask people their failure CVs during
hiring process ?

~~~
BatFastard
This great, for my daughter who reaches high and fails sometimes, she can
appreciate she is not alone! She only hears about others successes, this
provides balance.

------
strathmeyer
When I graduated from college, I applied to every company on the Forbes
500.... twice. Heard back from three of them.

------
Cyph0n
This is a very good idea. As a soon-to-be grad student, the accomplishments of
top-tier professors seem almost unattainable. When I get to see the failures
of such a person, it gives me more confidence in my abilities, and reinforces
the fact that no one is always successful.

------
dredmorbius
From G+, a related concept:

Lovely discussion here with Stuart Firestein who just spent some time with
philosophers of Science. It's long but quite on point although more biological
than economic, it still addresses structural issues as well as replicability.
[http://www.microbe.tv/twiv/twiv-385/](http://www.microbe.tv/twiv/twiv-385/)
Enjoy. It's +Vincent Racaniello.﻿

The audio is long, the relevant part starts about 30 minutes in. That said, I
recommend the whole bit, though the first 10-20 minutes are a bit rambly.

h/t Bob Calder​﻿ on G+

The G+ thread on which I posted this had a comment to the effect of "but he's
a senior tenured academic, he can _afford_ to do this", to which I say,
"precisely, and _he has_ ".

Brings to mind another item I'd come across recently, regarding promoting open
discussion in groups:

1\. Let the junior member(s) speak first. They can venture into topics others
won't.

2\. Senior members, speaking later, can establish cultural norms by, say,
_giving credit and credence_ to earlier comments, and _by admitting their own
errors and mistakes_ (as here).

The cultural message is hugely powerful.

------
devonkim
Perhaps Johannes Haushofer will become more famous for his primary academic
works because of this document that would not have occurred otherwise. Would
it not then be one of his greatest successes that should not belong in the
document anymore?

------
nunobrito
That CV failed to put a phone, or email to contact him back.

No wonder he gets no replies.. :-)

------
Trill-I-Am
Something like this is only interesting within a certain range. If he'd been
too successful, nobody would want to read it because it would come off as even
more of a humblebrag than it already does just by virtue of the context of
even qualifying for awards from Ivy League schools. But at the same time, if
this were From someone at "Podunk State", as KKKKkkkk1 put it, to some
controversy elsewhere in this post, it likely would not have made it to HN,
even if someone from Podunk was the first to popularize this model.

------
yitchelle
I think he is missed out on his failures on a personal section of his CV. Let
me kick start it from my side.

I failed at

* getting onto the football at my school, even I tried very hard.

* getting a date to my high school dance.

* starting a family before I was 35.

....

~~~
cableshaft
Shit. That last one. I turn 35 in three months. I better hurry.

------
cableshaft
This guy's failures didn't cost anybody any money (not getting grants doesn't
count, that's like saying you cost people money by buying a lottery ticket and
not winning).

Anyone who's worked for a failed startup (like moi) has cost people money,
sometimes some serious dough. And it really sucks when you know you've cost
people money, even if that's part of the investor process.

Ergo, this isn't a very compelling list of failures to me. Good idea, though.

------
uptownfunk
This pales in comparison to my list of job rejections.

------
nathell
I'm practicing mindfulness (in the Kabat-Zinn sense), and an interesting and
deeply moving exercise for me was to realize my feelings and thoughts that
appear on reading a document like this. Which are, for the most part,
compassion and admiration of the extreme courage and honesty that it takes to
publicize something like this.

------
jerrycabbage
You learn more from failures. Being part of a big success can mean nothing
more than gettin' lucky. People are dumb. The problem is it is near impossible
to attribute the failures to specific traits.

------
kevindeasis
I'm starting to wonder what does a good resume look like? What does your guys'
resume look like? Is there a place where people can review your CV for
feedback?

~~~
jventura
I don't know if mine can be considered a "good resume" but I've lost
considerable time reading things on the web and polishing it.

I tried to convey an image of simplicity and minimalism, which are things I
appreciate when developing, and it has landed me so far a job in a local
startup and some interviews for remote positions in several countries (USA,
Italy, France, UK, Spain, Germany,..).

Here it is:
[http://joaoventura.net/static/files/resume.pdf](http://joaoventura.net/static/files/resume.pdf)

~~~
kevindeasis
Thanks for sharing!

------
tfarrell01
Wow did I need to read this today. Excellent choice of post.

------
thanatropism
Rudyard Kipling: "if you can meet triumph and disaster and treat those two
impostors just the same".

------
api
Those who try will sometimes fail, and those who never fail are probably not
trying.

------
jsemrau
Mine would be like 50 pages.

------
known
To get a job in globalization you need to be a highly skilled wage slave

------
hkmurakami
When you can talk candidly about your failures, you've found security.

Kudos.

------
bkcooper
I was hoping that this would be a collection of _ideas_ that failed.

~~~
jor-el
True. I was also looking forward for ideas that failed and what the OP learned
from it. That would have been an interesting read too.

------
KKKKkkkk1
Yeah, he likes to rub it in apparently. Imagine a Professor at Podunk State
College reading this. Even the list of prizes this dude didn't get is getting
more attention than my lifetime of research accomplishments. American academia
has a winner-takes-all culture that loves to brag how meritocratic it is, and
unlike business, it never gets called for it.

~~~
dang
Please don't be so uncharitable in HN comments. Finding a maximally cynical
interpretation may be briefly gratifying, but it damages the culture we're
trying for here.

A less uncharitable comment might have included more about your own
experiences and feelings and omitted the strong claim about someone else's
motivations.

We detached this subthread from
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11584417](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11584417)
and marked it off-topic.

