
Ask HN: How to overcome fear? - franca
fear of talking to others, fear of speaking in crowd, fear of expressing in English. Suggest any hack or trick to overcome fear.
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Jtsummers
Find a counselor/therapist. I do not say this flippantly or dismissively. If
you find yourself experiencing fear/anxiety to the extent that it's impacting
your life, they can really help.

For me, my social anxiety started to end after a bit of therapy, but also
exposure as nso95 suggests. Like, if you put me in a crowded room with mostly
people I didn't know I'd experience tunnel vision, couldn't make sense of all
the sounds around me, and would be clinging to a wall. Starting with smaller
groups (this was not entirely deliberate, it's just how it worked out), I got
better at being around groups of people that I was unfamiliar with and
interacting with them. Then some practice (forced by school) in public
speaking helped me some more (small groups, just a class of 20-30 people, not
hundreds).

For foreign language speaking, you just have to dive in at some point. You
_will_ say things wrong. You will find that you don't have the words. And this
is fine! A major lesson for me was that _everyone_ experiences this. No one is
perfect (no matter how they seem), and if the fear is really fear of
judgement, then they're jerks or bullies and you can ignore them. It's hard to
internalize that, it was a long slog for me, but it's achievable. Practice,
first, with people you trust or know, or with someone you find/hire online
(there are services, but I don't recall any of them at the moment, that
matchmake people with the language speakers they want).

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tixocloud
I started off as a quiet person (and in many ways still am) but have generally
progressed to the point where I am comfortable presenting in front of senior
stakeholders.

From what I've learned on this journey, the nerves don't go away but the fear
does. The most powerful thing you can do is to acknowledge that yes, you have
this fear now but through time and practice, it can go away because it's
mostly in your head. When presenting, most people do want to hear what you
have to say. Nerves are a great thing because it lets you present at your very
best - you just need to find your way to manage it.

You can start with baby steps - i.e. speaking up in meetings, presenting in
smaller groups, etc. and then work your way up.

What I've also found useful for dealing with any situation that makes me feel
uncomfortable is to question why it makes me feel uncomfortable. And the more
uncomfortable I feel, the more I have to conquer it. Perhaps through an
overarching goal of some sort.

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croo
For regular talking to others I don't have any advice except every time you do
it you will get better in it - and if you feel crippling fear talking over a
coffe with someone I'd say see a therapist.

For crowd talking or performance it helps if you practice your talk to someone
you trust and can accept his criticism. Go through your presentation 3-4 times
lets you memorize your presentation and distills your message. The familiar
sentences will save you when anxiety hit you in the middle of the talk and you
feel like your brain is empty. It also helps if you have a message instead of
memorized sentences one after another - try to build your speech around one
single message. If you present yourself in a foreign language the practice
also helps finding the correct words and expressions.

It also helps if you image your audience naked.

The anxiety will maybe never go away but it can be familiar enough to become
something you can always handle.

And remember - the only time a man can be brave is when he is afraid.

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wordpressdev
I present you, the litany against fear..

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

\---

from Frank Herbert's Dune series.

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yesenadam
_Always do what you are afraid to do._

Practise. Seek out opportunities to make these weaknesses your strengths.
There's Toastmasters and other groups to help, lots of books.. but mainly,
practise, do them over and over again. A lot of the great speakers of history
were terrible in their youth, or stuttered, or something--a lot of people who
achieve greatness made extra effort _because_ it meant more to them than to
other people. etc. Good luck!

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mabynogy
Beeing ready to be contradicted. Know everything on everything (be courious on
what people are interested in). Know how the language works and the tricks
some people use (like fallacies). Learn to reformulate. Detect what people
really want (like affective stuffs).

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emersonrsantos
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Stop_Worrying_and_Start...](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Stop_Worrying_and_Start_Living)

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nso95
Exposure

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sudouser
if desperation is larger than fear...

