
Why I Pull Out My Hair - well_i_never
https://mosaicscience.com/story/why-i-pull-out-my-hair-trich-ocd-bfrbs-therapy/
======
max_likelihood
I went through some very traumatic experiences during my sophomore year of
high school. I can't say 100% that it "started" my trich, but within that same
year, I began pulling coarse/kinky black hairs from my head because I felt
like they were out of place. I was fascinated by their presence among all my
blonde hair. Moving into college I started targeting other more subtle areas
like sideburns and my beard. I found that I could pull on these areas in the
middle of class without drawing much attention to myself. Back in the privacy
of my dorm room, I would pull pubic hairs to relieve the stress I felt while
racking my brain over challenging math problems (I was a math major). During
this same time, I also developed an addiction to pornography.

Fast forward, I just had my 33rd birthday. I haven't looked at pornography in
over 5 years. But I'm still struggling with pulling out my hair. And that's
how I know how much of a stronghold this has on my life. I do it mainly when
I'm self-soothing or just under a lot of stress. I know my triggers and I
still can't defeat this thing. I have tried N-acetylcysteine, shaving my hair
short, prayer. My wife will even swat my hand down (bless her heart) if she
sees me reaching for a hair. But then I end up getting mad at her for not
letting me have my fix.

My theory is that I don't truly value and love myself and that's why I'm
willing to inflict damage upon myself. Sometimes I even use pulling to
"punish" myself for not understanding technical things. It's self-mutilating
and there is a lot of shame and guilt associated with it.

I'm still hopeful that one day I can overcome this habit (disorder?). I sure
as hell don't want to have kids and have them grow up watching daddy pull
hairs.

~~~
cmehdy
Have you tried redirecting the habit? While changing at the core is ultimately
the goal, redirecting actions into a set of more neutral ones might help. For
example, having a bracelet that you can play with, or even in some cases pull
on to feel it snap back in place.

It's very hard to redirect all the activity that our mind produces at all
times, I have very similar issues and I understand that too.

------
Kaotique
I've been picking my beard every since I was a teenager. I do it when I'm
thinking about a coding problem so my desk is full of little hairs at the end
of the day. I also did it during driving long distances and when watching
television.

I think it's related to stress and when I have nothing to do with my hands.
This is not happening when being active outside in nature.

I've noticed that I'v actually started touching and searching for hairs in my
beard while thinking about this next sentence...

When I search for a hair with my fingers and found one I can find that
particular hair without looking, I know what it feels like, where it is and it
has to come out. I keep picking until it's gone. Sometimes I throw it away,
sometimes I put the hair softly against my lips, the lips are very sensitive
and able to feel the shape of a single hair.

Shaving helps for a bit, but a couple days later it's the worst because all
the hairs have the perfect length... Just long enough to find, just short
enough so it's a challenge to grab them.

Sometimes I close my eyes to really focus on the feeling of the fingers and
concentrate on grabbing that hair.

Sometimes I use both hands, one to grab the skin and make the hair go up a
little bit so it's easier to grab.

My partner gets mad on me when I do it, but none of my colleagues ever said
anything about but I'm sure they noticed.

It's definitely a disorder and very hard to stop by yourself.

While thinking of a closing remark I picked another hair, I guess that speaks
for itself.

~~~
idoescompooters
Yeah I decided to grow my beard out into a full one my freshman year of
college and I got in the habit of picking at it. Very often I ended up with a
big pile of hairs in my dorm that I'd have to sweep up. I've since shaved to a
much smaller, cleaner beard and I can notice a few patches that I'm almost
certain are from picking. I'm really hoping they eventually fill in. It's been
several month since I shaved to a much thinner beard.

------
tomhoward
I developed this habit for a few years during adolescence, which I think was a
reaction to the anxiety that developed at that time of life, relating to
things like social pressures, academic challenges and parental expectations.

I can recall visiting the bathroom multiple times per evening to find new
hairs to pluck out of a particular area on the side of my face, as a form of
procrastination and distraction from stresses I was feeling.

I think it stopped when I finished high school, and I haven't exhibited this
particular habit ever since.

However, it was in the year after I finished high school (1995) that the
internet started becoming a thing, and I jumped on board quickly and developed
the habit of frequently checking things (news sites, and, ahem, discussion
boards) online.

I can't help but ponder that if it weren't for having a phone in my pocket and
being able to reach in and check Twitter or HN every time I needed a dopamine
hit or a distraction from anxiety, I might instead be carrying tweezers in my
pocket and plucking hairs every hour or two :)

------
Eli_P
If you wanna break unwanted habits you have to break bad neural paths and
force your body to develop the new neural connections.

Try to scratch your beard gently, caress a cat, etc. Lace your shoes
differently, switch from one loop wrap to bunny ears. Since I watched "Dealt"
movie I've been shuffling a deck of cards while reading from screen, it feels
very comforting.

You have to foster these good habits the hard way, through repetitions. Don't
be hard on yourself plucking hairs or skin picking has occurred once again,
but praise yourself for how much of a cat lover or agile deck shuffler you
are.

~~~
Cowicide
That's a great way to quit a lot of bad habits including smoking. When you
feel the urge to smoke or vape, take that energy and use your hand on
something positive such as a quick workout, cleaning parts of your home, etc.

You can try to smoke and workout at the same time but that'll just likely make
you sick and vomit. heh

------
mnm1
I do the same with picking certain spots on my scalp and have done so ever
since I was abbot ten or so. They just feel bumpy and not smooth and I feel
like I have to smooth them. Of course, it only makes things worse. In reality,
they look no different than the rest of the scalp. After I had chicken pox the
bad habit never went away. At one point I was also picking my arms. Until this
year, I never talked to anyone about it and thought of it as some sort of
ridiculous addiction. At times I have managed to get it under control. The
longer I go without it the easier it is. It's freeing to be able to talk about
it in real life and here after over thirty years of denial and secrecy. The
turning point for me was reading an article about it and realizing it is a
disease, similar to OCD which I likely also have, and that I'm not crazy or
messed up in a unique way. Thanks for listening and to others who share their
own stories of this affliction.

~~~
anewone
I tend to do the same, picking at uneven feeling bits. What sucks is how it
turns into a vicious cycle. If I can somehow keep away long enough for the
skin to heal, I can usually stop.

Until I find another spot.

------
dezzeus
I basically do the same with my beard within the chin… I usually pick those
"not perfect" and also those who are grown slightly longer than their
neighbors…

~~~
ssijak
I have also started doing this with my beard from my high-school years. As in
the article, there are "special" hairs that you feel a need to pull out and
offer some strange pleasant feeling.

I forced my self to stop several times for a few months, but in times when I
am stressed or less mindful I do it again -_-

~~~
plicense
I've started shaving myself regularly to stop myself from doing this.

------
daxorid
I do this, but not out of compulsion or stress; I do it out of specific
irritants: ingrown hairs.

Oftentimes a beard hair will grow into my skin and I will unconsciously pick
at non-ingrown hairs in the general region until there is a small hairless
hole surrounding the actual ingrown hair.

I have to consciously tell myself to get a needle and fish it out preemptively
so that this doesn't happen.

------
DIVx0
I pick at my facial hair whenever I'm reading or thinking, it's a big problem
for me since I like having a beard. I have to shave it every so often because
it gets scraggly with bald patches of plucked hair. Thankfully growing facial
hair is my super power so I typical have a full beard again soon enough.. only
to start the cycle all over again. When I shave it off I'll pluck at my
eyebrows instead which take longer to grow back and patchy eyebrows look more
weird (to me) than a patchy beard.

I've tried all sorts of ways to stop but the activity is sub conscious and by
the time I'm aware of it its too late.

------
toomanybeersies
Fuck, this isn't normal?

This is like when I discovered that my tinnitus isn't normal, and that most
people don't have an incessant ringing in their ears.

Luckily, like the writer of this blog post, it isn't really noticeable on my
head (my hair is already quite thin), which is why I've never realise it's not
normal.

~~~
overcast
Wait, you thought a persistent ringing noise in ears is a normal human trait?

~~~
toomanybeersies
I guess so?

My father has it too (and my grandfather had shit hearing), so I think it's in
part hereditary. Years of construction work with power tools and target
shooting (often without hearing protection) hasn't helped though.

I've had tinnitus since as long as I can remember. It doesn't bother me, I
usually don't even notice it unless I'm specifically thinking about it. I've
had it so long that I don't actually have a baseline of what true silence is,
my brain usually just filters it out (although depressive episodes and
drinking often bring it out).

I've read stories about people who've been driven mad by their tinnitus.
Thankfully it barely affects my life. Like, now that I'm thinking about it, I
can hear it above everything, but when I wake up in the morning I'll forget I
have it.

~~~
mikestew
Hey, me, too! Since I was way too young to attend my first rock show or hold
an air tool. Doesn’t bother me a lick because, well, that’s apparently the way
I was built. Like you, I don’t even notice unless I think about it. Can’t say
about the rest of my family, never asked.

I’ve always wanted to go to one of those acoustically-dead rooms, where you
can hear the blood pumping through your veins. Or will I?

~~~
rootusrootus
Being in a room so quiet you can hear your own bloodflow drives me _insane_.
It gets louder, and louder, and louder ...

Give me just a bit of actual noise to hear, please and thank you.

------
mrhappyunhappy
My wife used to do this shit nonstop for years - drove me crazy. She seems to
have stopped since having a baby - reason being too busy?

~~~
peacetreefrog
With respect, "this shit" and "drove ME crazy" don't sound all that
empathetic. This is a disorder that people can't help, and are often very
embarrassed by. I think the right way to handle it is to be supportive in
trying to help get treatment, while making clear it has zero impact on how you
view them as a person.

Not saying you're not doing that, but just a good reminder. I have someone
close to me that suffers from this (and is embarrassed by it) and it's helped
both of us to sort of view it as a biological quirk/defect (like wearing
glasses) vs something really shameful.

~~~
Fnoord
With respect, the full quote included the word "nonstop". Someone with OCD-
like behaviour can drive you crazy. My partner has autism like I do (and my
autism drives her crazy, at times, though I also omit e.g. picking my nose
around her), and she's on a witchhunt with certain things such as pimples on
my and her body (even though its less painful if I do it myself), dark (small)
hairs on her chin/legs (she's brunette), the few hours which form a vague
unibrow on me, hair on our ears. I get it if the reason is ingrown hairs, I
really do. But the other stuff seems over the top. She also has a plethora of
cleaning and hygiene rules which might make sense but are outliers (for
example the cats are exempt). I can totally imagine someone who's going
through such can sometimes use harsh words to vent their frustration. It isn't
chique, I agree.

------
taneq
> Others are skin picking and cheek or lip biting.

Cheek and lip biting isn't normal? I mean just kinda gently chewing on the
inside of your cheeks/lips while you're thinking.

~~~
wccrawford
It probably feels normal to many people, but damaging yourself while nervous
or distracted, even a little, isn't really healthy.

That isn't to say I don't do it. But when I do, I recognize that I shouldn't
be.

------
Puer
I started pulling out my beard hairs as a replacement to cheek biting, which
was a replacement to nail biting... Now I try to make sure I just keep a pack
of gum on me.

------
pen2l
This is a disorder, what is the recommended course of action and how effective
is it in treating this disorder?

~~~
joecool1029
Aside from visiting a psychiatrist, N-acetylcysteine supplementation seems
promising:
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3500061/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3500061/)

------
pram
When I was young I’d wrap my hair around my finger and pull out giant chunks.
My parents would tell me to stop, so I just began hiding the hair in vases and
stuff lol. I stopped eventually, no idea why I started doing it.

------
paaaaaaaaaa
I do this too. Particularly when I'm reading something online or thinking. I
was smoothing my sideburns whilst reading this post, looking for "that special
hair". I favour my sideburns and beard.

~~~
always_good
Heh, I was just doing it with my eyebrow. Noticed a harder, thicker hair among
the softer hairs. Pulled out five other hairs before getting it. Probably have
a hole in my brow now.

------
test6554
I admit I plucked out a few gray hairs when they first started showing up, but
I mostly leave it alone.

------
frylock1666
My own experience is that I would do this (specifically pull the hair from the
back of my head behind my ear causing a bald patch) whenever I'm stressed or
feeling particularly anxious... the latter part being fairly often. However I
found that the trichotillomania stops if I cut my hair very short with
clippers and so now this is my hair style. Thank god I'm a bloke.

~~~
jetti
I'm the same way. It is interesting though, because when I would cut my hair
shorter my mind somehow knew the second that my hair was long enough to be
pulled because I would start up again. I also grew my hair out pretty long
(for me at least, maybe 2 or 3 inches long) and would twist my hair to knot it
up and then pull on the knots. It would cause pain but it the pain felt so
good. Similar to when I pull my hair and I have cuts on my fingers (typically
from when I pick the skin near my finger nails). The pain of the hair running
over the nails is so satisfying.

~~~
milk_truck
Im the exact opposite. I pull my beard and when I shave, I still have the urge
to pull except the hair is shorter now and I have to work harder to pull it
out. I continue to pick and pluck at it with my fingernails until I damage the
skin and it gets swollen.

