
Ask HN: How do you deal with or stop escapism? - amadk
In other words, how do you stop yourself from running away from your problems?
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JohnFen
I don't have an actual method, personally, but years of experience has shown
me time and time again that real problems will, sooner or later, force you to
deal with them. If you avoid a problem until you have no choice but to deal
with it, that problem will be orders of magnitude worse, more painful, and
more difficult to resolve.

So when a problem comes my way, I remind myself of this and make a conscious
decision to deal with it immediately out of a sense of self-preservation.

The tricky part is that not all problems are _real_ problems. Some are
pseudoproblems that will eventually just evaporate. In the moment, it can be
hard to tell which is which. I choose to deal with them anyway, on the basis
that resolving a pseuodproblem does no real harm, but not resolving a real
problem does.

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atoav
Problems usually tend to grow stronger as you look away and even if your
escapism works, there will always be this looming black cloud in the back of
your head.

The problem is, that over time you can grow so acustomed to this black cloud
that you forget about it’s existance and your feel bad and worse and when
everything becomes to much you face it. And only then you will realize how
much you really suffered.

Life is short. Too short to fill it with distractions.

If your problems seem big, do it like a mountaineer: one step at a time. If
you want to reach that summit in one step you will not even start the journey.
Break your problem into managable pieces and try to change habits in away that
helps you to take these steps.

Find help and talk to people about it, promise a good friend to come back to
them after a month and tell them how you did (even if you fucked up).

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gtirloni
Tell yourself it's a feature, not a bug. I'm only half joking.

~~~
albertshin
Seconded. There was actually a study related to this:
[https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S019188691...](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886910000474)

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jaytaylor
By confronting and dealing with the underlying things leading you to want to
escape in the first place. The escapes only offer temporary relief, while
effective confrontation can resolve the issues so you can get off the hamster
wheel and move on.

CBT [0] has been by far the best way I've found so far to achieve meaningful,
long-term change to my underlying thinking and mindset. CBT offers a
scientifically-based approach, and there are lots of helpful professionals out
there.

If this information helps you or anyone reading this, I'll be so happy!

[0] [https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-
behavi...](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/cognitive-behavioral-
therapy/about/pac-20384610)

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muzani
It's all just habit.

Don't overthink the methodology. The more you run from problems, the more
likely you run from that problem next time. Whatever choice you pick when
dealing with a problem is more likely to be the default choice next time.

The most common mistake is to not recognize the problem or escapism when it
happens. Or rather, to see it but pretend it isn't there. That's really where
all forms of therapy come in; they help you to admit the problem and stop
avoiding it. After all, avoidance is a form of escapism.

There's a reason why we do this though. Most problems go away. And some
problems get worse while you're tackling them. So like our addiction to sugars
and fatty food, it's by design.

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lcuff
It would help to make this more concrete, in the abstract it's a bit
difficult.

Firstly, What kind of problems are you running away from? How do you describe
your problems to yourself?

For mood dysregulation stuff: If you're angry or depressed or anxious, I found
"Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach to be very helpful. Getting help from a
therapist is also worth checking out. Good therapists are hard to find, don't
settle for just any therapist.

People problems? You don't get along well with your partner or family? Or you
don't have people you feel close to? It's complex. A cheap place to start
getting a picture of how healthy people relate is by heading Carolyn Hax's
daily column. Google her. Going to Al-anon is good if people around you are
drinking or being abusive to you. Therapy again is an option, as is meditation
and other self-care techniques. Browse the self help section of your local
bookstore.

Financial problems? Heath problems? Motivation problems: Not doing work that
you like? These are definitely problems that need addressing, but the
specifics of how to are even harder in the abstract.

How are you escaping/regulating your emotions yourself now?

    
    
        With drugs, alcohol or other addictive or compulsive behavior
    
        With work
    
        Just Daydreaming
    
        Playing computer games/web surfing/social media
    

The big question here being, is your escapism clearly destructive (drugs and
other addictions), or more benign (daydreaming, consuming media). Destructive
escapism needs to be addressed directly, one way or another.

One big problem with drugs and alcohol is that they get in the way of
developing other, positive self-care mechanisms such as meditation, exercise,
sleep and nutrition. Google psychological self-care.

What are your social supports in life? Spouse, family, friends. How can they
help you in this?

Explore 'escaping from what?' What's something in your current life that you'd
like to escape? What part of the past feels like it's been 'stealing the
present', that you'd like to escape from? Personally, I've worked to escape
the negative impact that my father's physical and emotional abuse had on me.
(The main impact being it turned me into an angry person.)

It's a good thing you've done to reach out and ask for help around this.
Consider that you're on a 'Journey of Awareness' to wake up to the reality of
your own inner world. Take it on as an active task.

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Eli_P
Try to trace back that feeling when it arises, a feeling that hinders you from
completing or even considering a goal. For me that would be a fear to fail, or
fear of receiving criticism from others. If you have it in you, you know it
cuts like a knife, drives you into perfectionism, etc. The solution is to
embrace the idea that failing is a part of life.

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gshdg
Are you talking about fleeing your problems or avoiding them?

“Escapism” usually refers to burying oneself in distractions (especially
fiction) to avoid confronting problems.

Whereas running away from problems (ex: breaking up with someone because
you’re afraid to attend their cousin’s wedding) is something else.

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jobigoud
By embracing it? Working in an escapism industry (VR for me) so escapism
becomes a goal that you need to optimize and have an incentive to work for and
complete tasks. For other issues like chores and paperwork, sharing the load
with someone.

Basically by creating escape solutions for others.

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badpun
Unattended problems tend to get worse over time. So, it's rational to take
care of them now vs putting it off for later.

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eyeball
The mental seal.

