
My Attempt to MIT Sloan Optional Essay - soleun
http://solforsloan.com/
======
bambax
Wow, I'm really not used to the manner people today blow their own horns. It
used to be only politicians would dare do that, but apparently everyone and
their "younger artistic sister" find it okay now.

Which is probably not a bad thing (if you can't say good things about
yourself, who else will?) -- it's just that it makes me feel I'm from another
planet entirely.

~~~
iamshs
I was just reading this thread at reddit:
[http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1syhp1/people_wor...](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1syhp1/people_working_in_college_admissions_what_are_the/)

Amuse yourself.

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noname123
Hey what's up, bro? I have unsolicited suggestions both personal and
professional.

Professional: Your thing needs to be more specific. List more concrete crap
that admission officers want to see, particularly meaningless statistics that
these people would get off on, since this is B-school, emphasize on BS skills:
e.g., improved user conversion on X project from 10% to 25%. led X project
with Y developers using X PM methodology and delivered to customers Z months
ahead; just throw in one tech skill for good measure.

Personal: You seem to be very 1) implicitly smug about your accomplishments
and 2) vague about your goals except that you are fixated on prestige and the
Asian immigrant story, such as listing your wife "being a doctor" and your
very endeavor of applying to "b-school" and your family's "started from the
bottom now we here"; no one cares, bro.

First, you have to learn how to toot your own horn without blowing your cover.
Stroke other people's egos like applying to b-school, figure out the crap that
those people care about, e.g., "innovation" and pretend that you buy into
their system, I used "big data to analyze which African village is in the most
need for water and went out and tried to get grants." Have to brag yourself
and give a reach-around to the powers-to-be without appearing to brag
yourself.

Second, you have to learn how to have a real concrete goal. Don't care about
your family, don't care about what awkward nice things people have to say when
you solicit rec's from them. Say something real, like "I want to be the next
Korean superstar and take over the world!!" means more to me than "Data
Scientist". I may not like "Korean superstars" but at least I'll have respect
for someone who knows what they want and won't take crap from anyone.

~~~
mbubb
This is an 'optional' essay. SO I guess is an appendage to other more trad
stuff like resume and regular recommendations. Making that assumption there
should be links from this to the specific projects that you worked on.

My initial impression was to agree with the parent - much more specific. What
context did these people say these things about you? I would de-emphasize the
personal stuff a bit and foreground the professional.

So when Jesse who you know from 'quid' says X, it has context.

The overall layout is very linear and there are no crosslinks. All a bit
overwhelming.

Having someone mouse over a series of photos to get unconnected comments is
not a good way to show mastery over data.

At this point - I think the result of your hard work in this case is a
liability. All these blurbs and datapoints do not tell a story (and there
really are not that many of them).

Give it better structure - connect back to some reference point (resume, etc)
and it could work well.

best of luck

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letterfly
Let me be brutally honest, because I think this gives you a clear POV on this.
I think if you would have invested the time you put into this website and the
surveys into some good cause or a smart idea that produces only a(nother?)
single line in the newspaper, you would send a much stronger signal than what
you have now. Especially MIT is a place that asks for people who do things,
not those who do use the megaphone (mens to manus). I believe you might be a
smart person and have ambitious goals but the approach might just not fit to
the institution you aspire.

The main questions that remain unanswered to me are: 1\. What does the website
serve for? 2\. What has he achieved so far? (entrepreneurship record, projects
etc.) 3\. Where has he been a decision maker? 4\. What professional
recommendations does the person have? (And how biased are they?) 5\. Social
impact? 6\. REASON WHY? (Being at MIT to be at MIT?)

Whatever I missed in the first five points, you really need to fix #6. It is
the far most important.

Among the answers by your friends, there is nothing really tangible. So far,
it is just a collection of adjectives. It reads like you are a nice person but
the special something is missing. Imagine you just had an interview at Sloan
and there were likely around 30 others like you. How do you make sure to get
reminded by the interviewers and how?

"The guy with the friend survey", "the data-driven decision maker" or "the one
with the family" is not likely to give you a signature move.

I'd say give yourself some time and start something else; develop yourself.
Don't expect MIT to polish a raw diamond. Also, don't forget that business
experience, professional recommendations etc play a much more important role
as any friend-recommendation. Further, I have worked with many MIT people and
institutions in the past and what I can say is that it might be one of the
places where many people who have bright ideas and great backgrounds are still
interested to stay low and humble. They don't necessarily search for
attention. I might be corrected by MIT people that this perspective is totally
wrong, but that was my experience in about 8 years.

@auctiontheory. "It's pretty clear that the two best B-schools to get you
ahead in life are HBS and Stanford GSB.". The more I think about this
sentence, the more arguments come to my mind why this is complete nonsense :)

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bzalasky
I'd stick with native scrolling. The accelerated scrolling (I'm assuming via a
jQuery plugin) made it difficult to explore the content.

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auctiontheory
Assuming that you are interested in technology entrepreneurship, I'm not sure
that an MBA program is the best use of your time and money. It's pretty clear
that the two best B-schools to get you ahead in life are HBS and Stanford GSB.
The ROI drop off is pretty steep after that, at least outside of Wall Street.

The differentiator is not quality of education, it's brand and network. E.g.
see where top VCs get MBAs.

~~~
etrautmann
While I agree with your general point and sentiment, the falloff happens a bit
later, and I'd widen to include Sloan, Wharton, Tuck, Kellog at least.

~~~
zt
And Booth, particularly if you study the right things.

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adamnemecek
I don't know the requirement for the essay but I'm guessing that the
admissions board is supposed to get to know you or your work better through
the essay. I'm not sure how successfully this website achieves that goal. Also
try to follow the "show, don't tell" mantra.

That being said, the design is nice and best of luck to you.

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winterswift
You should move the survey response bars into a more neutral organization,
otherwise it places "respectful" and "team player" in a context where they
appear to be lacking compared to your other traits. Also, I believe you mean
'persistent' in your scrolling text bit at the top.

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yeukhon
I wonder if this will put social pressure on the reviewers. Do they have to
accept the popularity (if this thing becomes so viral?) into the admission
account or will they be able to decide independently. I think the initiative
is great and truly admirable for an MBA graduate study.

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jmduke
Psst: it's "persistent".

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goldenkey
Looks great Sol. All the best of luck.

