

Dan - swombat
http://blog.dislocatedday.com/dan-760

======
mhartl
The timing of this is eerily appropriate for me. Some of you may be aware that
Andrew Lange, a professor of physics at Caltech, committed suicide last week.
(His NY Times obituary is here:
<http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/28/science/space/28lange.html>) I taught
Physics 1 with Andrew for three years when I was just starting grad school,
and knew him not only as a brilliant scientist and excellent teacher but also
as an incredibly warm, supportive, and positive person. I would never, in a
million years, have guessed that he would someday take his own life.

I was nowhere near as close to Andrew as Tom was to Dan, but for the first
time I understand, in a small way, the pain and confusion Tom must have
endured (and, in diminished form, must still be enduring). Thank you, Tom, for
sharing Dan with us.

~~~
raganwald
I also lost my friend Sam Roweis: <http://samroweis1972-2010.blogspot.com/>

------
swombat
_In November, recovery was a mere hope; now, it is a growing reality._

I'm glad to hear it. Welcome back.

~~~
tdavis
Thanks, bud; I'm thrilled to be back!

~~~
latortuga
Over the past few months there have been a couple of times I wanted to post
something in remembrance but I never really knew quite what to say or how to
say it. I never knew Dan. In fact, when he died in September and the HN colors
changed for a weekend, I still didn't know who he was. At the time, though, I
was knee-deep in learning Django and I had actually come across his blog a
number of times - always helpful! In reading through the threads at the time,
I felt like I sort of got to know him.

I think sometimes that the internet is always moving forward and despite the
huge outpouring of support from this community, it can feel like you're the
only one who remembers after a couple of weeks.

My point is this: despite never knowing Dan, I can tell from what you've
written, what this community had to say about him, and from his writing, that
he was a great founder, a great friend, and a great guy. And I want you to
know that you are not the only one poorer for the loss, that even a random guy
on the internet that you don't even know remembers and appreciates him.

------
JacobAldridge
For those not aware of the connection, Dan was known and respected around here
as fallentimes - <http://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=fallentimes>

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zacharye
Terrific, heart-felt piece -- I hope writing and publishing it was therapeutic
and helpful on the road to recovery. That road has no end, but the further you
get, the closer you are to 'normalcy'.

Knowing how much respect and admiration I had for Dan from the dozen or so
interactions I had with him, I can't imagine the impact he had on a life-long
friend. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I doubt I'll ever encounter
anyone as genuine and charismatic as Dan.

Best of luck to you Tom. Though we've never spoken, Dan held you in the
highest regard. My thoughts continue to be with you and everyone else Dan left
behind.

------
benologist
Sorry to hear that. It's such a tragedy when someone close to you dies and
worse when they take their own life.

I lost someone dear to me to suicide 1 month ago today, it's difficult to come
to grips with just how final death really is and all the things you could or
would have done if you'd had known.

He's at peace now, remember that as you move forward.

------
hack_edu
Take care of your friends and loved ones, everyone. Mental illness takes on
all forms, and plagues _so_ many people without ever showing to the outside
world.

~~~
staunch
It's also worth remembering that people sometimes commit suicide without
suffering from any mental illness at all. These people need help too.

~~~
danbmil99
wouldn't you have to conclude that one who makes such a choice is in some way
mentally ill? Excepting terminal illness, I can't see how it makes sense
otherwise.

Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm legitimately curious. I have friends
who struggle with depression, some of whom clearly have contemplated this
terrible 'solution'.

~~~
asdflkj
Why the scare quotes? It's a bona fide solution. When you kill yourself, the
problem goes away. Also, why terrible? It may be terrible for the friends and
family, but the person committing suicide certainly has nothing to lose by it.
A loss is only a loss if you perceive it as such. You won't perceive anything
after you die.

Theory: we'd all be better off if suicide were socially acceptable. The people
who commit suicide "out of blue" probably consider talking to someone about
it, but they know it will be seen as a cry for help, and met with banal pleas
to not do it. Maybe they'd like to have a rational conversation instead, one
where their right of choice would be respected. Inability to have such a
conversation leads to alienation, which makes them more likely to kill
themselves.

~~~
peterhi
"Maybe they'd like to have a rational conversation instead, one where their
right of choice would be respected. Inability to have such a conversation
leads to alienation, which makes them more likely to kill themselves."

This is the part that is important. The only time you get to have this
conversation is if you fail and are assigned a psychiatrist. Even then no one
else will talk to you about it as they assume that it was just something you
were going through and should have got over it by now.

If you raise the topic people panic and assume the worst. So despite the fact
that I can now, after nearly 40 years of this, monitor my own state of mind
and actually see that I am getting depressed I still can't talk to anyone when
I feel it coming on.

I have had depression since I was a teenager, it comes and goes, but each time
it is a little harder to cope with, or maybe I'm just getting older. If it was
some other physical ailment then I could talk about it, if I was bereaved I
could talk about it. But as it's a mental health issue and I appear to be
otherwise fine, I have no one I can talk to. But I'm damn good at covering it
up! Simply because people don't even want to talk about the weather with
someone who is depressed, so to have any conversation at all you have to lock
it away.

It sucks not to be able to talk.

------
Timothee
Thanks for sharing and glad to hear you're dealing better with your loss. It
actually makes me want to work on a loss I haven't been able to deal with
after many years.

 _I'll keep treating life as the game it is_

And I find that we should all remember this. We easily get caught up in
whatever we're doing, discussing why the iPad is great or a disaster, while,
maybe, we should just relax a bit and have people over this week-end…

------
wiredfool
I lost my sister in late September 2008. Your first posting about Dan hit me
on the anniversary of her death.

It hurts. And it will for a long time.

~~~
gruseom
It must hurt terribly. I'm really sorry.

------
CSBarbie1
A CEO friend of mine in the local tech industry took his own life the day
before Dan in Sept.I had never talked to Dan, but enjoyed his posts on Hacker
News. I had talked to my friend at length a few days before he died. I had no
idea he was depressed. I read your posts and felt - what was going on? Was
this some kind of psychic fallout of the economic depression? Or perhaps just
circumstance. It made me slow down, focus on my loved ones. At the funeral,
the priest said "Look at the hearse outside. It won't be followed by an
armored truck and a UHaul, it will be followed by all of you (2000 of us)."
That comment echoed in my head then, and it still does today. Thank you for
your considerate writing and comforting thoughts.

------
bradfordcross
This is beautiful man. I was really sad when I came home after talking to you
about this last weekend - I hadn't known. But reading this brought a different
kind of tears to my eyes. You're an inspiration.

~~~
tdavis
I'm so glad it touched you and that you got something out of it; that's the
best compliment my inner writer can receive :)

------
ericb
Good luck! Reading this, I feel hopeful and sad for you, but mostly envy at
your having had such a wonderful friend in your life. I'm not sure I've had
many (any?) friends of that caliber.

------
endlessvoid94
My good friend Vijay just committed suicide in late December. It's still so
fresh. He was a student here, one of the smartest at our ACM student chapter
at UIUC.

It seems impossible to do anything sufficient to honor or remember him. I feel
for you.

------
dylanz
I read about this when it happened, and this post was extremely eloquent and
thoughtful.

Tom, I'd be happy to join you in whipping some Korean butt come Starcraft 2
launch. Even if you don't take my offer up, know that I'm going to think of
Dan when I run my first Zerg rush.

Thank you for sharing this post.

------
phiberoptik
The Jack Kerouac quote is so fitting for the piece. Very touching and
heartfelt story.

I'm happy to hear you've made peace with this experience and the ghost of your
friend.

~~~
tdavis
I love that quote; the more I read it the more I'm touched by it. For the
record, my girlfriend recommended it for inclusion.

~~~
jacquesm
How is Dans' family doing?

------
edw519
_Even if I can't bring him back or comprehend why he left, I can take solace
in keeping his spirit alive._

which you do beautifully by inspiring the rest of us with...

 _Brick walls were mere speed bumps to him._

Thank you, Tom. Best wishes on your continuing recovery.

------
kareemm
Reading this outpouring of sentiment about how awesome a person Dan was makes
me sad, mostly because I wonder whether he knew how people felt about him when
he was alive.

Receiving heartfelt appreciation from someone you know or love is phenomenally
uplifting.

"If you admire somebody, you should go head and tell em' / People never get
the flowers, while they can still smell em'." - Kanye

I'm going to go call some loved ones now and tell them how important they are
to me.

------
kiba
Who is Dan and where can I learn more about him?

~~~
dcurtis
* [http://ticketstumbler.com/blogs/new-stuff/2009/10/03/a-terri...](http://ticketstumbler.com/blogs/new-stuff/2009/10/03/a-terrible-tragedy/)

* <http://news.ycombinator.com/user?id=fallentimes>

* <http://ycombinator.com/dan.html>

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c3o
This seems like an appropriate place to post this: Another YCombinator
founder, Florian Hufsky (Claimspotting, S'08, never launched), committed
suicide in December.

------
Shamiq
:(

