
My TEDx Talk about Entrepreneurial Depression / Happiness - SteliE
https://elasticsales.com/blog/2012/08/03/entrepreneurial-depression-happiness/
======
nugget
I think this is a very under talked-about topic in Silicon Valley. I'm on my
third startup after two successful exits and still deal with the "roller
coaster" of emotions related to work in this field. I don't think it ever
really subsides, at least not for certain people.

Like others mentioned I found meditation very useful. Also, I watch Stephen
Hawking's documentary called something like "A Brief History of Everything"
and this provides me relief as I'm reminded that eventually the sun will cool,
the earth will implode, and all living beings who ever existed will return to
the atomic ether.

~~~
AznHisoka
so my ex-girlfriend and her new relationship will eventually die out too?
That's a relief...

~~~
tinco
They might, but their undying love will never subside.

------
randomdrake
Nicely done SteliE. I particularly enjoyed the part towards the end where you
discovered meditation was a useful tool. I discovered the same thing a couple
years ago; recently, I haven't been meditating enough. The value of it being
able to clear all the things from your mind and to try hard to just exist
without everything else is extremely calming and, in my opinion, necessary.

I really need to start doing it again and you've inspired me to start.

Being happy is the only thing that really matters at the end of the day.

Thanks for sharing.

~~~
ak39
While I would agree that meditation helps to introspect and obtain
perspective, I don't think that _aiming_ for happiness (of itself) is
meaningful at all.

Yikes, I meant ... you cannot pursue happiness for happiness' sake. It's a
byproduct of living. Happiness is an oblique outcome of being - of existing.

I like what Robert Oppenheimer wrote to his brother Frank in one of his
letters:

"Everyone wants rather to be pleasing to women and that desire is not
altogether, though it is very largely, a manifestation of vanity. But one
cannot aim to be pleasing to women any more than one can aim to have taste, or
beauty of expression, or happiness; for these things are not specific aims
which one may learn to attain; they are descriptions of the adequacy of one's
living. To try to be happy is to try to build a machine with no other
specification than that it shall run noiselessly." ~ Robert Oppenheimer

~~~
SteliE
I have experienced happiness much more as a personal choice than a byproduct
of living.

Your living creates certain external circumstances that can lead to happiness
or depression. Often it really doesn't matter what the external result is
produced by your "living" but how you internally decide to respond to it.

To share one of my favorite quotes on the topic :)

"If you can't be happy with a lollipop - how could you possibly be happy with
a yacht?" Richard Bandler

~~~
AlisdairO
Wonderful point. I've become convinced over time that how my life is going (at
least, above a certain threshold and beyond short-term effects of recent
unusual events) has relatively little effect upon how I'm feeling. It's more
about how I choose to see things.

As a result, I've found my way to a great deal of happiness without any truly
extraordinary achievements. Nowadays, my friends tell me I'm 'easily amused',
which I take as a great compliment.

------
niels_olson
Good talk. Your method of writing down what the worst case scenario falls in
line with what is known as cognitive-behavioral therapy, which is the
recommended method of working through mild-to-moderate depressive episodes.

In fact, as a physician observing the HN community, I have acquired a folder
of bookmarks, "Depression in Entrepreneurs", mainly centered around Andrews
and Thomson's analytic-rheumination hypothesis, which highlights exactly that
component of CBT as the cornerstone of successful coping: identify the
problems, the worst possible outcomes, prioritize, and start working through
them.

My brief summary of the AR hypothesis

=======

Your hippocampus, home of working memory, gets overwhelmed with all the
problems. Something like this:

====

It's still crashing!? Wait, I have that widget sitting in /usr/bin still. I'm
so hungry. Maybe I should take ritalin, I wouldn't be hungry. My girlfriend is
totally pissed because I haven't taken her out in forever. I have to make
payroll, but I can't quite do that unless I skip some meals, I can't tell Mr
Investor that I can't go to lunch, because I need money. I can't talk to my
girlfriend about Investor's lunch because it will just remind her .... shit,
was that in /usr/bin or /sbin. Payroll. Lunch. LUNCH! I'M LATE FOR LUNCH WITH
MR INVESTOR! AND THE SITE IS DOWN!!!! GREP! WHY DID I CHOOSE BSD!

====

So, CBT is a hack, which shunts some of that linguistic processing over to the
only other area that does linguistic processing: Broca's area. But you need to
verbalize to activate Broca's area. So you need to talk to someone. But not
someone who's got a dog in the fight, not your girlfriend, not Mr Investor,
not employee #1, not your business partner. Because then you'd just be
doubling the load on your hippocampus again. So, talk to a counselor, priest,
somebody who doesn't have a dog in the fight. Explicitly enumerate your
problems, worst case scenarios, and some branches and sequels.

=======

Here's the current contents of that folder, if anyone wants them...

[http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2734449/pdf/nihm...](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2734449/pdf/nihms129978.pdf)

[http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/17/opinion/sunday/how-
depress...](http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/17/opinion/sunday/how-depressed-
people-use-the-internet.html?_r=1&hp)

[http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=depressions...](http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=depressions-
evolutionary)

[http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/28/magazine/28depression-t.ht...](http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/28/magazine/28depression-t.html?_r=1&pagewanted=print)

[http://muddylemon.com/2011/05/depression-burn-out-and-
writin...](http://muddylemon.com/2011/05/depression-burn-out-and-writing-
code/)

<http://blog.asmartbear.com/burn-out.html>

and newly added: [https://elasticsales.com/blog/2012/08/03/entrepreneurial-
dep...](https://elasticsales.com/blog/2012/08/03/entrepreneurial-depression-
happiness/)

~~~
bootload
_"Andrews and Thomson's analytic-rheumination hypothesis... the cornerstone of
successful coping: identify the problems, the worst possible outcomes,
prioritize, and start working through them ... Explicitly enumerate your
problems, worst case scenarios, and some branches and sequels..."_

This is the exact discovery/scenario process drilled into the planning phase
of hikes over long distances and/or difficult terrain.

~~~
name_taken
Risk analyst at PwC. This also sounds very similar to my role.

------
p1niu
One of the greatest speaches I've heard recently. The work/life balance
problems are so common among us entrepreneurs. For me the solution was to
start jogging regularly - it's almost like meditation and you can just run and
not think about your next problem to be solved.

I also like your comment about being happy. Perhaps it may sound a bit
hedonistic, but it really is the most important thing in live! Well done.

------
rdudekul
Three points that stood out for me were: 1) meditate 2) work on one thing that
matters the most for today 3) know that you have good options even if your
startup fails

In essence through meditation entrepreneurs can bring forth deep resources
from the subconscious, through one pointed attention they can complete tasks
that matter and by putting others first, deliver right value at the right
price.

I am an entrepreneur too and the way I keep my balance is follow the eight
point passage meditation program (<http://www.easwaran.org/the-eight-point-
program.html>).

------
raju
Very very nice. Great job SteliE.

I used to meditate every day, and have fallen off the wagon lately. This
reminded me to get back in the practice. That alone was worth it.

I am no entrepreneur (yet) but I think your advice applies well to life in
general - it's just a ride - many things that we fret over today won't matter
5 years from now - this, along with "what's the worst that could happen?" can
help put many things in perspective.

Congrats on getting married, and your first-born :)

~~~
SteliE
Thanks sir! :) Appreciate the kind words & wishes!

------
lmirosevic
Really great talk. Thanks! You hear a lot of people talking about how to
succeed more, faster, etc. but very few people seem to mention all the little
side effects of being a die hard entrepreneur, or how to deal with them.

------
cheez
I don't think you ever truly get over a burnout like that, especially not if
it has any long lasting effects.

Too much was familiar to me a couple of years ago. Glad it is not so anymore.

~~~
ivancdg
Jacques Mattheij's blog posts on burnout are very helpful. I recommend reading
them and re-reading them:

<http://jacquesmattheij.com/Are+you+suffering+from+burn-out>

<http://jacquesmattheij.com/dealing+with+burn+out>

There are various useful discussions in the HN archives, including this one:

<http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=2300244>

mrcharles's comment rings in my head to this day: "The first thing I've
learned is that I can't accurately judge my limits."

------
kevinlu
This is a great and inspiring talk. Thanks.

~~~
SteliE
Appreciate the kind words :) Happy you liked it!

~~~
jsmcgd
I agree, great talk.

Sorry but I can't help be curious about this, what were the results of the
drinking game?

~~~
SteliE
Thanks! :)

Unfortunately I can't publicly tell that part of the story yet. But ping me at
steli@elasticsales.com if you really wanna know ;)

------
jayliew
Steli means it when he roots for the entrepreneur - first hand experience
here. Thanks Steli! :)

------
natarius
I feel you man...great talk!

