
Ask HN: How do I unlearn swearing and curse words - jelliclesfarm
I grew up not peppering my language with swear words. English is not my first language. I picked up a lot of colloquialisms as I travelled and when I left my country.<p>I still think in my native language and English is not just a translation of language but more of a manner of mimicry.<p>To this day, I don’t know or say a lot of swear words or bring myself to use curse words in my language. But it comes very easily to me in English.<p>I also worked in testosterone soaked restaurant kitchens for a while where male chefs often insulted each other’s mothers and sisters as a friendly way to bond.<p>Regardless. I use English as a way to assimilate and mimic rather than consider it the language of my thoughts. And over the years, it has become rather salty.<p>I am not distressed by it and I do moderate it. It has no emotional value to me. Sometimes I enjoy shocking people with my sailor language because it ends up being amusing and we all have a laugh about it. Sometimes I use it to ‘bond with the boys’.<p>But I want to see if I can completely eliminate it from my vocabulary as an involuntary language aid. In other words, how can I be mindful of my language.<p>While I try to convince myself that I have control over my language, there are a lot of unconscious slips even though I also beckon the choice of words at will.<p>I want to conduct an experiment. 21 days&#x2F;3 weeks time quit the swearing habit. Only ..is an adopted language a ‘habit’? Is this even possible?<p>Is there an app or something out there that could beep if I swear? Maybe I can program Amazon Alexa to do that?
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yardshop
You don't unlearn it, you teach yourself to say different things instead.

If you just don't want to use those words, there are common favorite "clean"
substitutes like "sugar", "fudge", "dang", and H-E-double-hockey-sticks!
There's also an added humor factor when someone thinks they know what you're
going to say and an innocent word pops out instead.

If you don't want to have the feelings and urges that cause swears to come
out, practice tolerance and patience and forgiveness and gratitude, especially
towards yourself.

Or just sugar all that fudge and be the bad-axe potty mouth you know you want
to be!

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WheelsAtLarge
Yup, it's a habit that you need to fix by using replacement words but you need
to be self-aware of the problem and fix it on the spot.

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briefcomment
Force yourself to not say anything until you have consciously approved of what
you want to say. So instead of saying something like normal, run it through
your head, and decide if you really want to vocalize it. It takes about a
second.

Swearing for no good reason is one of the few things that tanks my respect for
someone. The longer I go without hearing someone swear, the more I look up to
them.

~~~
jelliclesfarm
I am not attempting this experiment to seem ‘more respectable’. I am doing it
for myself and not for others.

It’s a double edged sword. When I swear, I also ‘see’ a lot of colour(literal
colour) and my use of language becomes more creative. Because ‘swear words’ to
me..because English isn’t my native language...is creative. I feel like I am
employing a foreign language and it’s words as shorthand where I can pack a
lot of meaning and associations in one word instead of using 3-4 sentences. I
don’t know if native English speakers feel that way.

I am also wondering if using swear words as short hand is taking away my
ability to explore the richness of English as a language. Or to form longer
complex sentences.

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briefcomment
I usually see swearing as a brain short circuit, and as a proxy for a lack of
self-confidence or a proxy for violent frustration.

I've never heard of it explained like you have though, so maybe it serves you
a unique purpose. If you feel like it's helping you, maybe it's not so bad.

~~~
jelliclesfarm
there is no 'depth' to the english language. it feels so flat. the punctuation
i can use and be sure that it would be understood is the swear word. to me.
there is a certain poverty of emotions.

i have so many more tones, stories, easter eggs and hand gestures to convey in
multiple layers accessible to me w/my language. i dont know the word in my
language for 'fuck' either as a swear word or for its literal meaning. i drop
the F bomb all the time without giving much thought to it. i would never do
that in my language. there is no need. but w/ english..i would be bereft of
linguistic and emotional epaulets without my arsenal of swear words.

also: even poetry feels different in english. it seems like everyone is
complaining or sad all the time w/poetry. musical lyrics..especially w/popular
music...are not helpful either

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yardshop
What is your native language? A language doesn't specify hand gestures, but
cultures opviously have other forms of communication accompanying their spoken
language.

There's also not one english, there are numerous regional and historical
forms, and the depth you are missing may be found in people's local dialects
and vocabularies. Words are just sounds with an agreed-upon meaning and they
all basically come down to expressing the same human ideas no matter what
group of sounds one is using to do so.

But without a specific comparison, it's hard to know what expectations you
have.

~~~
jelliclesfarm
Tamil. It’s a language from the south of India.

The language itself doesn’t have lot of hand gestures. I learnt classical
Indian dance for many years from childhood. Subconsciously I would use my
hands to punctuate when I speak in my language. It doesn’t happen when I speak
English. I am limited to just the spoken word.

With English, I am always anxious that I haven’t gotten my point across. So I
create longer sentences and find ways draw from popular culture..Altho being
updated on that is a chore by itself. Swear words seem to be universal
shorthand and timeless with the English language and it gets the point across.

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poormystic
Get yourself a Pentecostal mother-in-law, usually works. Anyway, people who
swear a lot are usually more personally trustworthy. Are you sure you want to
change?

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jelliclesfarm
I have heard that. I find it fascinating that swearing has become a signal for
trust worthiness.

