
Ask HN: How to balance getting ahead with life? - zump
I&#x27;m 27 and in the tech sector, decent money and never been in a serious relationship. I can&#x27;t be the only one who thinks we live in an insanely competitive environment and hence a lot of my free time is spent reading, learning and practicing my craft to improve my technical skills with the goal of increasing my employability and general outcomes.<p>However, I&#x27;m finding myself increasingly worried about my prospects as an individual in the market that is companionship. I live in an area where tech is seen as a niche and to be honest, the desire to garner skills has overtaken any interesting hobbies that I once had. Is there anyone else like me who has found themselves excelling in one area and not the other?<p>Have you set a time limit to in improving your skills relative to finding a significant other? Like all things, I assume it requires time and practice, so do you forego one area of your life for another? How do we balance these things?
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nickjj
I wrote about this[0] to some degree the other day because about a year ago I
felt like I hit a brick wall when it came to technical skills and life
progress.

Sure there's always more technical stuff to learn, but after you've been doing
it for so long you hit a point of diminishing returns. It makes way more sense
to just put technical research on the back burner and start leveling up skills
in other areas of life.

You can end up spending a few weeks or even days learning something else which
adds huge returns in your life, and it even comes back to enhance your
development career.

For example in your case, what if you continued working as is but then spent 3
weeks approaching 5 girls a day. At some point you'll probably start a
relationship, which in turn motivates you so much that it trickles into your
work life.

Suddenly you have a new outlook on life, maybe you end up going to more
meetups or find places to talk to other developers. Next thing you know,
you've quit your job at "decent money" because you met someone willing to give
you "great money" to work on a project that aligns perfectly with what you
want.

In this example, gaining a bit of communication skills skyrocketed your
happiness in life and boosted your career. I'd bet even if you spent the next
10 years locked in a dungeon learning more tech skills instead you would be in
way worse shape as a person, both financially and in happiness.

[0]: [https://nickjanetakis.com/blog/have-you-hit-the-point-of-
dim...](https://nickjanetakis.com/blog/have-you-hit-the-point-of-diminishing-
returns-as-a-developer)

~~~
Ritjert
Such a great answer.

Your financial situation is part of a much bigger problem you are trying to
solve.

How to have a good life. Think you should optimize with that in mind.

Completely agree with the diminishing return comment. If social
interactions/relationships are lacking in your life, you'll get a very high
return for your time spent.

(Obviously extremely easy to say to you typing on my iPhone. What has always
worked for me is taking the smallest possible step and turning that into a
habit.)

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itamarst
What is your goal life? Is your only purpose to be a good worker? Personally I
want a _life_ \- that includes being good at my job, and working on something
worthwhile, and enjoying my work. But a job is just part of my life, and my
life includes my family and my friends and learning other things as well.

Your career is not you. Your career is not your life. You and your life are
far more important than your job.

You should read the book "Your Money or Your Life" to get some perspective
([https://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-
Relation...](https://www.amazon.com/Your-Money-Life-Transforming-
Relationship/dp/0143115766/))

In practice I think you can actually be really good at your job, not work long
hours at home, and still stay "competitive", but that's a bigger discussion.

So I'm working on a book about how you can succeed as a programmer and still
have a sane workweek, leaving you time to do all the other things that matter
in life (friends, family, taking care of your health, hobbies. nothing wrong
with videogames!). Still in progress, but meanwhile you can sign up for a
course based on it:
[https://codewithoutrules.com/saneworkweek/](https://codewithoutrules.com/saneworkweek/)

------
seren
Being in a relationship will cut out some free time, and going further,
children will cut that remaining free time out dramatically, probably close to
0 in the beginning.

So learning to balance different areas of your life, is something you will
need to practice anyway, and everyone has to face that kind of issue.

I don't think there a universal answer, but at some point, it means you have
simplify your life or let go some things. You can not master everything, you
can not control everything. Pursue what interests you, but accept to be
ignorant of others. Knowing that a technology or framework exists, what it
does broadly, is already half the job. If you ever need it, it will be the
time for a deep dive.

