
Ask HN: How to improve your conversational abilities? - samblr
By conversational ability : I mean not just verbal it can be non-verbal, listening, mental models to thinking before replies, any classic models (like socratic..)<p>Suggest books, blogs, youtube-channels or notes.<p>Anything which will help one become a better person in active engagement with other people.
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tabeth
Books, blogs and YouTube are useless IMO.

There's one solution.

Engage.

\- Talk to your coworkers

\- Attempt to lead conversations

\- _Listen_

\- _Do not interrupt others_

\- _Watch_

There's no alternative that will result in such a tight feedback loop. Try to
do this as frequently as possible and your conversational skills will improve,
guaranteed.

~~~
dsacco
I agree with this. You don't need to read books to improve your social
abilities. If you start down that path, you're already thinking about this way
too much.

Engage with people, listen to them and commiserate. Find something in common
as a conversational anchor and don't try to be strategic.

------
ParameterOne
Dale Carnegie: Book, How to win friends and influence people.

And always ask open-ended questions, the person asking the questions will
control the direction of the conversation.

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tedmiston
#1 tip is to just stop thinking and not go into the conversation with
preconceived notions. It's okay to have an idea about the points you want to
make, but just slowing down and truly listening to what the other person is
saying _without precalculating your response while they 're still talking_ is
a rare gift these days. I always notice people who do this, and enjoy meetings
with them most.

------
Mz
Participate more on Hacker News than you currently do. Online conversation is
usually vastly better than "water cooler" conversation IRL where people
typically say nothing of real importance.

You could also try pursuing ride sharing arrangements. That can foster good
conversation as well, while you are both stuck in the same vehicle, heading to
or from work.

~~~
dsacco
I'm going to push back on this and say practice talking to strangers in
person, because common discussion on Hacker News is almost nothing like the
way most people communicate with each other.

~~~
Mz
I am just going to leave this here for anyone who cares to hear my POV:

[http://micheleincalifornia.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-art-
of-c...](http://micheleincalifornia.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-art-of-
conversation.html)

~~~
wingerlang
Online forums are not even remotely close to having a conversation in real
life. It is silly to even suggest at that in my opinion.

Since OP is asking for conversational skills, that seems to suggest that he
actually wants to learn the "unimportant" water cooler talk.

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veddox
1\. Be interested in the person standing opposite you, show real empathy.

2\. Listen to what they say.

3\. Try to understand why they say what they say; if necessary, ask questions.

4\. If you ask questions, ask open-ended questions. ("Why do you say that?" is
a great one to start with.)

5\. Watch people whom you know from experience to be good conversationalists,
emulate them.

6\. Practice :-)

------
jfmoris

      I once recorded some audio tapes, so that I could listen 
    
      while working and driving. After reading several book (~20
    
      hrs each) I noticed that I had become more glib & talkative
    
      -  I think it improved my voice & diction, and helped my 
    
      confidence. I need to do something again, I like the other
    
      ideas: practice - but I'm thinking of more recordings, too.

