

Ask HN: How Important is Professionalism When People Apply to Your Startup? - jackowayed

I'm currently applying to some startups looking for a summer job. My dad thinks, especially since  I'm 16, and I'm mostly applying places that only have job listings for full-time employees, I have to "overcome my age" and be totally professional in the resume and cover letters.<p>But he's never worked in a startup. I get the sense the startups like a little bit of a more fun, laid-back attitude.<p>So here's the question: If a 16-year-old (with great credentials given his age) applies asking for a summer job when you're really looking for full-time workers, which makes you more likely to be interested? A candid style with an occasional joke, or a completely professional one?<p>I have a sample of each here:<p>http://jackowayed.github.com/professionalismcomparison.html<p>But don't tell me what you specifically like or dislike about those particular passages. I'm not trying to waste HN's time with proofreading part of my cover letter.<p>I want to know whether you, especially if you've done hiring on a startup or will soon, like the style of A (a little more frank, has a joke) or B (professional, formal) better.
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mkyc
Proofreading is useful, so have some of my time. Or skip to last paragraph.

Now for the downside: I'm not looking for the position in your job posting.
I'm much more inexperienced (I believe the business term is "cheap to hire[no
period here]") than you want for that position[, and - period here. runon] I'm
a junior in high school looking for a summer job working remotely - [, as
]relocating is unrealistic given my age.[avoid brackets] I would be
able[really?] to perform the Rails and Java work [that you want done -
remove], but I would do so from my house[you've mentioned this], and after
summer[, no comma here] I would have to drastically reduce my hours. [I would
need drastically reduced hours?]

I hope that my lack of job experience and inability to work permanently do not
prevent you from considering me. I have solid knowledge of how to program[I am
a capable programmer?] (see my resume for AP tests and projects [that prove it
- awkward][. parenthetical notes don't get their own periods])[avoid
parenthesis unless it's just a side note/quip]. I could be a jolt of energy
helping you get a few new, cool features out the door. I also have a business-
oriented facet of[to] my mind, so I could help think of [premium - don't need
this] features that people would actually pay for [that would generate
revenue, etc.] or possibly even float other business models[I hope you have
serious credentials to back this up].

As a high school junior, I am looking for a summer job working remotely.
[After summer,- move this...]I would be able to continue on a part-time basis
[after the Summer [when classes resume]]. While[Though] I plan to continue my
computer education in college, I have solid knowledge of how to program right
now (see my resume for details). As a young person[you think older persons
aren't "jolts of energy"?], I could be a jolt of energy helping you get a few
new, cool features out the door.

Not bad overall for writing. It lacks tact in a couple of places. You need to
make these of similar length, content, and quality if you want an accurate
comparison.

I prefer A, ending right after "than you want for that position", followed by
B. Make it casual but terse.

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alabut
I actually like B a lot more, and not for the reasons you cite. It's not that
it's more "professional", whatever that means, but that it's shorter and more
to the point. The A version is riddled with apologies and "but this" and "but
that", lots of preconditions on what kind of work and conditions you'd be
qualified for, etc. Overall, A is very convoluted.

------
bentoner
A is better. The kind of person who prefers B doesn't hire 16-year-olds to
work remotely.

~~~
RossM
I'm not a hirer but that was the same impression I got. Put it this way, I
read A and got bored by B - despite the fact that B is considerably shorter.

------
ivey
You already know my opinion, but yes I've done hiring, I like A much better,
and I got interviewed at my very first tech job (at least partially) because
of a funny cover letter.

