
The Microcomplaint: Nothing Too Small to Whine About - bootload
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/15/fashion/the-microcomplaint-nothing-too-small-to-whine-about.html
======
rtl49
At the risk of "microcomplaining," I'd like to deride this as yet another
thoughtless, substance-free article from the NYT.

With an amusing lack of self-awareness, a non-issue is identified (as a
"seismic shift," no less) and connected with unrelated social phenomena using
misinterpretations of the available evidence, many of which, conveniently,
have also been described in other hyperlinked NYT articles.

If you believe this is a new phenomenon, I invite you to read just about any
novel written during the Victorian era. If you manage to endure the first
dinner party dialog between members of the upper class, I think you will take
issue with the thrust of this article.

As for the implications of social media, that it can amplify certain aspects
of human behavior is such a humdrum, "middle-brow" observation that I'm
surprised this wasn't written by Thomas Friedman.

~~~
hashkb
Sounds like a macrocomplaint about microphenomena?

 _If you manage to endure the first dinner party dialog between members of the
upper class_

I think this is a little different; a dinner party presumably is full of
people who want to listen to each other talk. (And novels are generally more
thoughtfully prepared than tweets.)

I don't know if it's a seismic shift, but anecdotally I can say that my
microcomplaints around the dinner table don't get likes like Kanye and Kim's
tweets do.

Edit: something about the fine line between comedy and whining.

~~~
rtl49
I agree the situation isn't directly analogous, though presumably one only
reads updates from people whom one wishes to follow.

I was trying to suggest that, with respect to this particular issue, social
media has simply amplified a human tendency that has existed historically. In
other words, it hasn't produced some "emergent" phenomenon that merits special
consideration, as this article suggests.

------
moron4hire
We are a society that is addicted to outrage. I don't begrudge people being
outraged at things, but it's not a terribly helpful position and it does tend
to amplify the exposure of the thing that is outraged over far beyond what it
deserves to receive.

For example, this stupid Starbucks "Red Cups" issue. It's probably just a
handful of idiots who don't even understand their own ideology who are
complaining about these cups. And I personally would never have known about
the whole issue if it weren't for people in my Twitter stream complaining
about people complaining about red cups. How many of those people who are now
complaining about the cups learned about the issue from people they know who
complained about people complaining about the cups?

It's like some kind of hamfisted, Saturday morning special on intolerance or
something, like one of those old Star Trek episodes where some people had half
of their face black and other people had half of their face white, or vise
versa.

We've socialized ourselves into believing that we must social-media-comment on
every issue to make sure everyone knows where we stand, to create proof that
we still maintain our standing within our in-crowds. It's exactly like school-
children jumping in to mob bully someone. We have a child's understanding of
how interpersonal relationships work. We can't broker any level of
disagreement, because that would call into question whether or not we're BFFs.

It's nothing new. Remember people tying yellow ribbons around their trees
during Desert Storm? Same thing. It's easier to retweet than it is to accept
that you can't do anything about an issue.

~~~
AnimalMuppet
> We have a child's understanding of how interpersonal relationships work.

That one sentence explained a whole lot to me about the culture of victimhood,
microaggressions, and the like. Brilliant.

------
WalterBright
When my father returned home from his combat tour in WW2, he was bemused by
the trivial things that people complained about. He was like "you're not going
to die tomorrow, what are you complaining about?"

~~~
gadders
I remember a clip from The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch where he was
complaining to his Mother about how hard his phd was and she said "Yes, dear,
but at your age your Father was fighting the Nazis."

------
chipsy
Protest was once a thing that was mostly practiced on a local level, within
the family and church, and subject to the constraints of small groups. It is
now fully secularized and pushed into the hands of the masses. There is a
subculture for everyone.

And this works against "strong and silent". Strong and silent is not
particularly noble in practice - it's a self-sacrificing game theoretical
strategy. To take the upper hand in social situations, you avoid showing
vulnerability and instead consistently display strength. For any problem
someone cares about, you will show that you don't have to care, that you'll
soak up the consequences rather than try to help. For any threat presented,
you shrug it off or escalate until they cave in. Then everyone else has to
bend to your wishes if they want your cooperation.

The ideal strong and silent person is psychopathic. Most people trying to
follow it tear themselves up to do so.

The alternative is to allow the small complaint, to whine a little bit about
how something wasn't right today. Because you have a subculture to validate
you, your feelings become "reality" in that you can have an ongoing
conversation about it instead of being told to shut up. On balance, a good
thing for every underrepresented idea under the sun.

What we don't know how to deal with yet is when this turns into a social media
mob; the new face of the manipulator is someone who points the subculture at a
target and says "their fault; go get 'em." But - my conjecture is that
eventually, most people burn out on this kind of radicalization.

So then, are we getting better? Will Endless September come to a conclusion?
Stay tuned, I guess...

------
eep_opp
This has been a strange year. Some people that pointed out "victim culture"
were demonized for it earlier this year. It's strange to see that the idea has
caught on.

The 'victimhood' culture was only a very small minority of people found online
that praised each other for things like being neurodivergent and handed out
encouragement for not seeking medical help. It was crazy to see ideas like
'manspreading' being taken seriously outside of those (not so small after all)
communities. Have they already overstayed their welcome?

The terrible part is that some legitimate complaints are being mistaken for
the usual whine.

~~~
SolaceQuantum
Neurodivergence as a movement started out of functional people with managed
symptoms being forced into abusive 'cure' therapies from intolerant parents.
It is still by and far the go to movement to discuss the stigma of being
mentally ill despite functionality and lack of distress.

~~~
Lawtonfogle
What happens if the distress is over other's reaction to the condition, but
not due to the condition itself.

~~~
SolaceQuantum
That's also in neurodivergence afaik, unless we're talking about trans folk,
they're their own category.

------
veddox
> The authors of the paper assert that we are now in a culture that valorizes
> victimhood.

An interesting observation. I have never thought about it that way before, but
it seems plausible. What do others think about this statement? (Please make
sure you read the context, though...)

~~~
xivzgrev
I think that's too strong of a statement. Victims aren't considered heroes.
Rather, social media enables broader transmissions of stories, and people
connect with certain stories, so people playing victim card may receive
sympathy, possibly empathy, but not made into a hero.

Now the person that DOES something about their shitty situation, now there's a
person we call a hero.

~~~
barry-cotter
> Now the person that DOES something about their shitty situation, now there's
> a person we call a hero.

Asking an administrator to fire someone who "makes you feel unsafe" is
definitely doing something. They're not a hero.

~~~
venomsnake
Well jezebel declared someone that read during Donal Trump rally a hero for
the act of reading. I guess hero is not an extremely hard to obtain status
nowadays.

------
zensavona
I wonder if this (and other things like it) is just a product of human beings
being very prone to ideological influence/groupthink and the internet
providing an effective medium to transfer that?

Consider a publication with 2m+ hits per month on their website that posts
about how outrageous it is that people "Never Wonder Why Tampons Aren’t in
Men’s Restrooms"[1] and the crowd cheers. The question I wonder is "How did
these people get where they are now, to be outraged by this?", and I think the
answer is incremental internet influence.

[1] [http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/11/common-examples-
cissexis...](http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/11/common-examples-cissexism/)

~~~
rayiner
And this is why I treat people who complain about complaining with skepticism.
It's a pretty good question to ask why there are no tampons in men's rooms. I
often ask myself why there are no baby changing tables in men's rooms. Anyone
who has ever needed either and was the "wrong gender" by social convention to
be afforded that convenience knows it's kinda not a small problem.

~~~
jacquesm
It's a tiny problem. You simply walk into the ladies restroom and use the
changing table. It's not as if the door won't open, and it's not as if the
women there won't understand. I've done this without a problem in plenty of
places.

~~~
rayiner
Gonna throw paper towels on the bathroom floor and change the baby that way
instead of risk g getting arrested for walking into the women's' room.

~~~
jacquesm
Why would walking into the womens rest room get you arrested? Just open the
door, ask the ladies if they object to your presence and if not go ahead.

~~~
FeepingCreature
It's not necessarily about actual risk as much as a culture of fear.

"Sexual harassment" is a career-ending bogeyman. Best to avoid anything that
even whiffs of it.

Never be alone with a pretty woman that works for you. Never be alone with a
child that isn't yours. (Ironically enough.)

~~~
jacquesm
Why would the woman have to be pretty?

What about the friends of my kids?

~~~
tptacek
Let's not pretend the comment that you're responding to was written in good
faith.

~~~
dctoedt
> _Let 's not pretend the comment that you're responding to was written in
> good faith._

I find little to disagree with in the comment in question. I've followed the
rule, _Never be alone with someone else 's kid_, forever. You always want
another adult to be able to testify that nothing untoward happened. The Two-
Deep Adult Leadership Rule is perhaps the core principle of the Boy Scouts'
youth-protection program [1] --- which, it has been noted, could be described
with equal aptness as the adult-protection program. The same rule is also
followed by wise pediatricians, dentists, etc., not to mention by male
physicians with their female patients.

I do agree with Jacques that the attractiveness of the woman is irrelevant:
Less-attractive women (there _are_ no "ugly" women) can claim sexual
harassment too. And rumors can start regardless of the participants'
attractiveness.

[1]
[http://www.scouting.org/Training/YouthProtection.aspx](http://www.scouting.org/Training/YouthProtection.aspx)

~~~
tptacek
Women aren't children. Doctors and lawyers are alone with clients all the
time. This whole discussion is depressing.

------
javajosh
The real sea-change is a steep decline of self-restraint as a core value
within power structures. The powerful, particularly on the right, have learned
that self-restraint, shame, remorse, empathy are unnecessary and even
damaging. They have learned to do something that came naturally to their
aristocratic forebears: to actively eliminate such feelings as a weak
distraction from the correct use of power.

Stephen Colbert made a career lampooning this change.

"If you are in power, and someone speaks up: Don't admit mistakes. Don't
apologize. Don't defend yourself. This opens you up to unnecessary liability.
People are self-interested sharks, and more often than not if you take any of
these actions, this will just be like blood in the water. They will balloon
their concern out of proportion and take a huge, unjust advantage of you. So
just ignore it." \- What GWB might have said with a straight face.

When those in power start adopting this attitude, the powerless lose what
little power they had to "shame" a leader into simply doing the right thing.
The powerless lose all respect for the powerful, and it is only through the
unflappable loyalty of security forces that the powerful remain in power doing
those times. At least in a democracy we have a _chance_ of occasionally
flushing out arrogant, disconnected power-mongers without violence - but in
many cases there is no such mechanism.

Anyway, no it's not about victimhood, it's a (possibly preemptive) reaction to
the loss of self-restraint among the institutionally powerful.

------
anon4
My favourite hashtag this year is #NationalOffendACollegeStudentDay

------
jacquesm
People even complain about complaining in the New York Times.

------
forlulz
Back in the UK, somewhat relevant:
[http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/nov/16/lets-
not...](http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/nov/16/lets-not-whinge-
at-waiters)

------
bitwize
I think if you complain about "microaggression", it's automatically a
microcomplaint and can gleefully be forwarded to /dev/null.

~~~
kelukelugames
One of my co workers wears a gray hoodie every day, but is the only person
that constantly gets told that she doesn't look like a dev. Just happens to be
a black woman. Seems pretty annoying to me.

~~~
bitwize
It could well be annoying, but if she produces good code and gets accepted as
a dev (and gets paid the same, etc.) it doesn't rise above the level of
_annoyance_. Me, I'm annoyed that I look like everybody's nerdy whiteboy dev
stereotype. I'm a grown-ass man. Yes, I _can_ see that R-rated movie; I
actually remember when PG-13 wasn't a thing. No, I don't have a student ID;
college was a long-ass time ago and I'm glad it's over.

~~~
kelukelugames
Wow. Your struggles sound oppressive. How do you overcome these daily
challenges to self-esteem and sense of belonging?

------
JustSomeNobody
It takes much less energy to be negative than positive.

~~~
AnimalMuppet
Maybe to be mildly negative. To be outraged, though, takes enormous energy.
Unless the offense is actually worthy of the outrage, it's a waste of time and
energy.

~~~
JustSomeNobody
I have to disagree. When one is negative, one can find communities of other
people just as negative about something. One can then feed on their energy, so
one doesn't have to expend as much. Over time (even in a short period of time)
there's a group of outraged individuals who've gotten there rather easily.

You almost never see similarly charged, overly happy communities (outside of
the potheads - just kidding). I think the reason is, it's way too easy for
someone to come in and spoil everything by starting something negative.

Negativity is like a disease that just spreads and consumes.

