

Just Stop - chriscampbell
http://learntoduck.net/just-stop

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cpr
One of my favorite sayings is "Don't compare the inside of your life to the
outside of someone else's life."

When people ask me how I am, I usually say "Oh, failing and flailing in all
directions. How about you?" I find that disarms people, and they feel a lot
more free about sharing their current pain points.

~~~
sfx
One nice variation of that quote I've been seeing is "Don't compare your
behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel". It's far too easy for us
to reflect on all the daily hurt and trials we go through, only to compare it
to someone else's most glorious 15 minutes and feel like we've failed. When in
reality most of us are fighting some sort of battle, many just hide it well.

------
JonLim
_> Graphicly was struggling. Yet, I was spending hours and hours weekly
talking to founders that all felt that they are doing better than me. My
standard suicidal thoughts started to be tinged with questions about my
ability to achieve. I never question my ability. But I did._

This really hits home - I'm not an entrepreneur (anymore) but this is
something I used to do on a regular basis: compare my own achievements based
on what others were telling me.

I wasn't at the point where I considered taking my life, but I did doubt
myself. I doubted myself for a very long time, settling for mediocre results
and mediocre work, because I just had no idea what I was really capable of
anymore.

Like Micah, I stopped and I thought. Mine went like this: "Ya know, I may not
be achieving as much (on paper) as these other guys and gals, but I'm
certainly very proud of what I have set out to do. I should stop comparing
myself with them and start comparing myself to what I would love to be doing."

And here I am, working in a role that I qualify as my "dream job," with a
wicked smart team doing really challenging work.

I just had to stop putting myself down because of the achievements of others.
Celebrate with them, and then celebrate yourself, and then kick your own ass
the next year.

Sorry for the ramble.

~~~
saurik
When you talk to people, they are also going to give you, even if they don't
exaggerate anything, "only the good parts", with maybe a carefully selected
set of bad parts to make the stories believable. It's like making a movie, and
then comparing it not to someone else's movie, but to their trailer: even if
you made a really great film, it is going to feel boring and even tedious in
comparison.

~~~
JonLim
That's a part of the reasoning I used to get over my needless over-comparison.

The movie trailer analogy is perfect, by the way. Thanks for that.

~~~
VonGuard
yeah, sometimes we forget that there are roles and expectations forced on men,
too. Women are subconsciously expected to be thin and pretty thanks to images
shown by the media. Men, on the other hand, are basically expected to be Bill
Gates or Warren Buffet. Mild success is not enough, we are expected to be
billionaire success stories, and anything short of that is not acceptable.

------
chewxy
I think it may be an American thing (though I am also quite sure it has
started spreading to the Australian startup community), but why is it founders
keep saying "crushin' it" or "killin' it" when asked about their startups?

In recent years I've been increasingly compelled to say similar things, and
I've theorized it to be two reasons, both of which I have personally
experienced: the concept of 'saving face' (i.e. a duty to signal startup's
success to other people) and common courtesy (i.e. people really don't want to
hear about you, they want to hear about themselves, so a short answer would
suffice, kinda like "I'm doing well thank you").

On one hand, we're starting to go to the other end and start fetishizing
failure, but on the other hand, chest puffery and internal competitiveness of
startup founders (we really really really really really like to compare
ourselves to others) has caused a lot of depression.

I guess it's a fine line to walk

------
ajaymehta
If it's true that Jody took his own life, this is really hitting me hard.

As an entrepreneur, I know well the need to put on the "killing it" face when
asked about progress by others. But this is making me reconsider. If every
interaction is superficial and full of one-upmanship, then we'll never find
out about problems like these until it's too late.

~~~
richardlblair
Next time you ask a fellow entrepreneur how they are, and they give you some
response about killing it, or talk about their company interrupt them and ask
"how are _you_?"

I'm sure this will mean a lot to someone. Maybe not everyone, but you could
end up doing it to the right person at the right time.

~~~
ajaymehta
Thanks. I think that's a great idea.

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nestlequ1k
If it wasn't a suicide, I really hope someone clarifies the situation. It
would be a pretty terrible thing (even more so) if everyone started to assume
it was self inflicted when it wasn't.

On the other hand, if it's actually what happened, then I'm 100% ok with them
not revealing the details.

------
timjahn
So true. I love Micah.

I think so many of us forget what truly matters in life. Our families, our
friends, our experiences and memories with them, and - (just now, my little
guy called me upstairs to give him one last hug before bed) - all of that good
stuff.

At the end of the day, are we going to care about the companies we create, or
the times we've had with those we love?

------
fitandfunction
sobered, frightened, confused, sad.

I had a chat with Jody last month, and every indication was that he was
"crushing it and loving it."

It could be that I'm really shitty at reading other people, but I remember
thinking, "wow, someday, I want to feel what Jody is feeling right now."

I was drafting an email to him yesterday ...

