
I’m taking a break from my wife and kids - dennybritz
https://medium.com/what-i-learned-today/e28173c6a0ea
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levosmetalo
When I saw the title "I’m taking a break from my wife and kids" and actually
started reading it, I was expecting a story about enthusiastic entrepreneur
willing to sacrifice his family for his startup. On the contrary, it's a
reminder what is really important, and that you can't fully understand it
unless you have it, and then you lose it. We just take too much for granted.

~~~
kordless
I have this saying that I've been telling my 19 year old son since he could
talk: "Too much of anything, except love, is a bad thing." I now tell that to
my daughter who is 11. I don't know it's so much taking things for granted,
more than being able to quickly identify which things in life give you the
greatest return on joy and focusing on those. Chances are I couldn't handle
talking to her all day and all night for a solid week, but I definitely know I
start missing the little PITA when she is gone for more than a few days. I
miss her because I love her and she brings me joy, but that doesn't mean she
doesn't drive me, my wife and my son nuts when we are around her all the time.
Ying and yang, baby.

~~~
levosmetalo
Completely agree. It's hard to explain to some twenty something what having
kids really means. Heck, I complain that they wake mu up every day at 6am by
just jumping on me in my bed while I sleep, but then again, when they are not
there for a few days I miss these annoyances so bad that I can't fall asleep
without few beers. But I wasn't able to really realize what they mean to me
before I moved to another country for three months.

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egb
Anytime I read a comment that uses "lifestyle business" as a demeaning term, I
tend to think that whoever said it doesn't have a family, or is sadly missing
out on them.

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thejacenxpress
This comment comes from a lack of start-up experience. That being said, I've
always been hesitant to work at a start up because of the potential long
hours. I'm not afraid of working hard or intimidated...I just want time with
my family and friends. I don't like the idea that if I sacrifice everything
now, I'll rise up the career ladder and be at a wonderful spot. Well yeah,
maybe that's true...but I probably won't be in my 20s, and maybe my 30s
anymore, so I wont be able to run (literally) around as easily, or stay up as
late having drinks with friends (those friends may then be married and not
want to have late nights anymore).

As I mentioned, I have not worked at a start up, I'm relying on what I've
heard through friends. Family and friends for me always come first.

~~~
levosmetalo
> Family and friends for me always come first.

You would be amazed how quickly friends lose their place in your life when you
have your own family (significant one), and how they are completely irrelevant
when you get kids. You might think now that friendship is forever, but it
quickly fades away with every new child.

It's not that friends are not important anymore. They are, the same as before,
but that's insignificant compared to the importance of your own children and
own family.

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chollida1
This sentence caught me off guard:

> I’ve cried more than a few times since they’ve left, I’m sure I will a few
> more. The truth is that I don’t cry because I miss them, I cry because I
> never fully appreciated what they added to my life each day in the first
> place.

I've been away from my wife and kids for a 3 week stretch and never once did I
feel like crying because I missed them. I did miss them, just not to the point
of breaking down into tears:)

I'm not sure what that says about me and the poster. Is crying due to being
away from your family a common reaction?

~~~
mdlthree
I think the important distinction is that he is at home in the regular
environment. If you are away from home without the family, everything is
different; while at home only the absence is different. This absence feels
massive because of the magnitude of habits formed participating in a family
unit.

~~~
chollida1
Ahh, that's a very good point.

When I was away from my family, I was in a different environment( new job) so
to me everything was new and exciting.

For him, he's still at home nothing's changed, so he has a much clearer frame
of reference to remind him of his family.

~~~
vubuntu
Also note that he said "The truth is that I don’t cry because I miss them, I
cry because I never fully appreciated ....." . He doesn't cry because he
misses them. It is true with me as well and probably other folks who are
claiming they don't cry. I too don't cry just because I miss them, but there
are moments when the mind wanders into deeper thoughts , like what really
matters in life, the silly little arguments you may have had with your wife in
past, the times you ignored your kids needs (taking them to parks, play with
them by putting aside your laptop etc) etc, and realize how silly those
mistakes were, and how easily they could have been prevented when you think
about the bigger context/meaning for your life is that time you spend happily
with family and it is not going to come back. Time lost is lost forever. It is
thoughts like these that make me cry, make me modify my future behavior for
better.

Btw, I go thru this cycle of "self-realization/self-correction and then when
the family returns back from vacation , then slowly getting back to the lazy
original attitude of taking some of the things for granted about family and
then back to summer and missing the family" :-).

I just hope that each of these cycles keeps making me a little better person
than before!

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lifeisstillgood
I could not imagine "losing" my kids for weeks at a time.

Bury yourself in work only helps for a while. Fly down more often.

~~~
endersshadow
Sao Paolo is quite a ways away from Brooklyn. It's a rather long flight that's
very expensive. It may not be feasible, either the time it takes or the money
it takes.

~~~
dasil003
Well at least you can get a direct flight. Most American cities to most
Brazilian cities will be a 3-leg journey, often through such horrible delay-
ridden airports as Chicago O'hare.

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NotUncivil
The ending to the article is touching. In light of that what I am about to say
is going to sound all the more heartless and I expect to get downvoted for it
but I think that it has to be said:

 _If you really want to get things done, consider not having children (yet)._

In my experience this applies to both men and women in demanding technical
fields. You may argue that having children is worth it in spite of what it may
do to your career but that's a different argument.

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NirDremer
Good post though there's too much emphasis on the crying (vs. appreciation)
IMHO.

~~~
craigching
I don't know, I think I can relate to the crying. I think I gained a whole
metric ton of empathy since having kids and get weepy at the silliest things
sometimes where nothing ever phased me before I had kids :)

~~~
mrchucklepants
I know exactly what you mean. Having kids changes everything.

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dasil003
This is a weird juxtaposition of ideas. I don't see what taking a break from
tech has to do with taking a break from family.

~~~
DanBC
Lots of people have posted about cutting the clutter from their lives, to make
life better. They say that cutting clutter makes you appreciate life more.

This guy is saying that his wife and children are away from him, and he really
appreciates them now he knows what it's like without them.

TL:DR _Absence makes the heart grow fonder_

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kevin818
From the title I thought it sounded like a divorce was coming.

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ijoyce
It sounds more like his family took a break from him.

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Dirlewanger
Hope this guy doesn't think his wife isn't estatic without him around. She's
going wild.

