
Unless You’re Oprah, ‘Be Yourself’ Is Terrible Advice - rohmanhakim
https://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/05/opinion/sunday/unless-youre-oprah-be-yourself-is-terrible-advice.html
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corodra
This is truly an amazing piece of junk speculation from a supposed psych prof.

I find it interesting how the current culture is confusing social norms and
personal acceptance when they want to then say "be a special snowflake". Not
everyone will like you and that's okay. No one has to like you, except for
you. You should like yourself. Generally speaking. Same goes with not liking
everyone else. No one will like everyone. Again, nothing wrong with that. That
happens when you foster self worth. Social cues are then far easier to manage
when you learn that you can pick and choose who you can like and appreciate.
It's easier to ignore assholes and enjoy the time with good people.

Monitoring social cues and being yourself are two different things. Being
yourself means that you don't agree with everyone around you always to appease
them. Social cues, or the self monitoring as they like to say is knowing when
to say "I don't agree because xyz" or "you're a dumbass".

Damn it I feel like I'm taking crazy pills here. Did tech really make society
this stupid this fast?

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Waterluvian
I'm completely on board with what you're saying. Liking yourself is important
and sometimes very difficult. I used to obsess so much about not just being
liked, but being the most liked. I hurt a lot of friends in my teenage years
while trying to become the most popular person in the "group'. At some point
in my 20s something clicked and I just stopped caring about how others thought
of me. I felt confident in myself and I no-longer needed an audience to find
me interesting or funny.

One of my favourite traits/quirks is making jokes that are guaranteed to bomb
for anyone but myself or maybe someone who isn't present. I'll get confused
looks and just say, "don't worry, the cosmos found that one hilarious."

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hackits
Part of finding yourself, and not appealing to people is you take the next
step and foster a better understanding of social interactions in groups. You
use a bit of cynical implementation to be part of groups and team's. You're
not doing to prove anything to you, but other than being singled out and
isolated.

I understand being self actualize is great, but part of growing is what is
more valuable to you isn't what you know but it's what other people know. If
your not integrating yourself part of social circles you miss out on leads and
adventures you wouldn't of otherwise found if you're sitting by yourself
because no one want's to interact with yourself because you haven't developed
yourself more than yourself.

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post_below
"Bullshit is what makes society work".

It's not a new idea.

Eventually it leads to where we are now: Living in a (hopefully temporarily)
post fact society, where loud enough lies function as truth, where politicians
have long since given up on the idea of genuinely believing anything they say,
where corporate leaders own governments and chuckle at the idea of caring
about the general wellbeing of mankind.

And where all the bullshit has lead to lots of tiny decisions based on
misinformed priorities, cumulatively resulting in the largest mass extinction
event in 100's of millions of years and a genuine existential threat to the
human race.

I think authenticity is a very practical cultural goal. Misused and
misunderstood sometimes maybe, but much needed.

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rlonn
I think it may be more complex than just "faking it makes you a winner".
Faking it is easy, authenticity is hard. People who fake it every chance they
get regress their character, while being authentic builds character.
Authenticity is probably better long-term, for personal development. A leader
who fakes it may be able to reach a position of power, but only authentic
leaders will be able to create something when in power.

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jorgesborges
Be yourself is terrible advice if you read it as an excuse to thoughtlessly
act on every impulse. That's not what being authentic means. It's unfortunate
that the author fails to provide even a loose definition. High self-monitors
aren't necessarily being inauthentic, and low self-monitors aren't necessarily
being authentic. They simply have different strategies and preferences for
navigating the social landscape.

Being yourself in this context is to me more about having a certain resilience
to social responses -- being confident and without remorse with your words and
actions, because they're grounded in your beliefs, attitudes, and behaviour.
Just because you're being authentic doesn't mean everybody will like what
you're saying or doing. But if you're authentic you can take it or leave it
and keep going.

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em-bee
i can't imagine how i could be authentic without monitoring myself and making
deliberate decisions about how i see myself and what i consider part of my
authentic self.

for example, i deliberately don't cross roads on a red light, even if everyone
else is doing it. that's something that i decided i want to be part of the
person i want to be. but when i go with friends, i have to watch out not to
betray that by just following them.

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Waterluvian
There's no such thing as "authentic" and there's certainly no such thing as an
"authentic self". If you're the kind of person who _hates_ going to the bar,
but goes because you like having friends, and to survive it you go into
comedian mode, that's a part of who you are.

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atoav
Beeing yourself can also be an excuse to never change. If somebody is beeing
themselves but happens to clash constantly in unhappy ways with their
environment, maybe they are not beeing themselves, but they have unresolved
issues of some sort — and cementing who you are at a certain point of time is
not gonna help.

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copperx
"Be yourself" is the best advice I've ever received. But it took me nearly 20
years after I heard it to figure out who I really was.

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Trowter
Opinion pieces like this always strike me as more about their individual
definition of the phrase.

To me "Be Yourself" doesn't meant to blurt out everything in your head it
means don't try to be something you're not.

In my experience people can subconsciously pick up on authenticity and if
you're trying to be something you're not you're just going to fall flat on
your face.

To put it simply to be yourself is to always strive for genuine connections
and goals which truly interest and excite you, in work, love or whatever

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m463
I am reminded of Lily Tomlin who said:

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more
specific."

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shtolcers
To "be yourself" is not the same as "be blunt and ignore any basic social
norms". Unless your true self has no tact, no social interaction skills and
only thing it truly wants is to lay with all the women in line of sight. It is
not a call to degrade ones all being to instinct/raw emotion level behaviour.
Shape yourself as an individual by thinking, analyzing and making own
decisions rather than copying everything that seems(!) popular, cool,
intelectual.

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lidHanteyk
Since nobody else has said it: Oprah isn't herself either. Her backstory is
quite amazing, but I would not characterize it as a story of being herself and
forcing the world to adapt to her desires; I would characterize her as hard-
working, willing to experiment and grow, and making the most of opportunities.
The only thing that "be yourself" might have to do with Oprah is her name.

This article might be junk.

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ojosilva
In case you didn't click through, the brutal experiment in honesty mentioned
by the OP is really worth a read.

[https://www.esquire.com/news-
politics/a26792/honesty0707/](https://www.esquire.com/news-
politics/a26792/honesty0707/)

