
Ask HN: How to develop a growth mindset? - sixaddyffe2481
I&#x27;ve always considered myself as someone who can do X or can&#x27;t do Y. I&#x27;ve learned new things, I&#x27;ve been creative and daring - at times.<p>But often times, when someone challenges me to do something new, I respond that I don&#x27;t know how and would not be able t do it.<p>How do I turn that around? How do I develop a growth mindset?
======
m12k
At one point I had a big realization that perfectionism was keeping me from
ever going outside my comfort zone. This meant that for decades I had only
really been growing in areas where I was naturally gifted and experienced
(logic, math and similar) but failed to grow much in areas where I wasn't
(e.g. emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills) because that way I
never really had to fear failure, or challenge my self-image as 'someone who
always succeeds'. I realized just how skewed that had made me - like a
bodybuilder pumping iron with his strong arm, while the other arm hangs weakly
by his side, atrophying. I realized how arrogant I had been to try to justify
this neglect by thinking of the areas that I was bad at as less important than
the ones I'm good at (they're not). And I realized how cowardly I had been to
be so fearful of failure, how much it had hurt my mental health to tie up my
self-worth with that self-image of someone that always succeeds. So I ate some
humble pie, finally confronted my perfectionism, started focusing on
strengthening my weak side, and adopted a new mantra: "If you never fail,
you're not being ambitious enough". To this day, I still struggle to live up
to this, but at least now I know what I'm up against, and what I'm trying to
achieve - the clarity really helps.

~~~
bougiefever
There's an old saying that whatever is worth doing is worth doing badly. So
true. When I was in Germany, they have a saying that you start with "something
to hate". Already knowing that what you're about to do is going to be crap
makes it easy to get going. Then you set about fixing your crappy beginning.
It gets you unstuck.

~~~
m12k
That reminds me of a saying I heard when starting to learn the game Go: "Lose
your first 50 games quickly"

~~~
agentwiggles
I've heard a similar saying regarding songwriting, "your first 50 songs will
suck, so get them out of the way quickly"

------
trabant00
I want to make a case against having a "growth mindset". And against fighting
procrastination. And any other self improvement stuff.

\- all these things happen at a much lower level than conscious thought. We
have approaches to achieving based on genetics, early upbringing, life
experiences, etc. No amount of wanting things to be different will make it so.

\- there are no recipes. There is just doing stuff, some will succeed, some
will fail depending on a huge number of factors. No words from anybody will
help in your particular situation for general questions like "how do I get
better".

\- not wanting to do something (regardless of the perceived value of that
something) is not always bad. Resources like time and energy are finite.
Failure is costly and things like accelerated aging and burnout are real.

\- why would you necessarily do what somebody else says you should? Who
benefits? For an HN related thing in particular: who benefits from everybody
getting into programming and working after work to learn one more tech tool?

\- "self improvement" in general seems to me to be pushed by life coaches and
the like with zero evidence that it actually does anything. I perceive it as a
snake oil product.

The topic is huge and any attempt to summarize it like this is bound to fail.
These are just a couple of thoughts.

Also, maybe the best condensation is Allan Watts "The reason why you want to
be better is the reason why you aren't."

Edit: google the Allan Watts quote, it's a few minutes speech - you can listen
or find it transcribed. Worth listening for another perspective on getting
better.

~~~
lowiqengineer
What do I do if I'm not successful then? I've dealt with suicidal ideation
before, but everyone then just told me that it was a problem of mindset.

If I'm not capable of becoming successful then...what's the point?

~~~
juhatl
To reiterate what others here already said, success really isn't anything
"universally great" to aim for. There's probably no real way to do that
either, since there isn't even any universal definition of what success really
means. This is especially true when everyone comes up with their own unique
set of requirements for considering themselves successful. It is also way too
easy to fall for the trap of moving the goalpost once you're there.

And if you felt like you hadn't reached your own definition of success, then
what of it? Would that really, honestly change your life in any measurable
way, or is the feeling of "not being enough" all in your head? If it is, then
that also means your head holds the means to get rid of such a feeling.

I really want to recommend the book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor
Frankl. It was one of the greatest assets for me overcoming my own depression,
and I hope it can help you battle your suicidal thoughts all the same.

------
malcolmocean
I've found some shifts in my language have helped with this. Here's some
examples from a blog post I wrote on this awhile ago:

Instead of "Some people are born to be singers—I’m not one of them." ▶ try "I
didn’t start with any singing talent—I’ve had to learn it all."

Instead of "I suck at math." ▶ try "Math has been challenging for me."

Instead of "I’ll never be an artist." ▶ try "I feel really dissatisfied with
all of the art I’ve tried to produce."

Instead of "I would never be comfortable offering hugs to strangers." ▶ try
"I’m finding it really hard to imagine offering hugs to strangers."

Instead of "I never seem to be able to keep my notes organized." ▶ try "In the
past, when I tried to keep my notes organized, I didn’t have much success."

Instead of "I’d really like to learn to juggle, but I just can’t." ▶ try "I’d
really like to learn to juggle, though I haven’t started yet."

Instead of "I’m not good at origami." ▶ try "I haven’t learned how to do
origami yet."

Instead of "I’m just bad at it, and I don’t care." ▶ try "Well, it’s not a
priority for me to learn right now."

Here's the blog post, which features a few other kinds of reframes as well as
some other examples:
[http://malcolmocean.com/grow](http://malcolmocean.com/grow)

Can also help to get your friends in on it so they spot when you're using
fixed-mindset language and point it out for you :)

~~~
phunehehe0
Not exactly the same thing, but this reminds me of a style of speaking/writing
that avoids using "to be" verbs. I don't remember the name and can't seem to
find it on Wikipedia right now, but it's similar to what this article
describes [1]. The crux of it is, you avoid framing things as more absolute
and permanent than they really are. For example, you are not inherently bad at
math, you are just bad at it in your current state you don't quickly solve
problems people regard as "math". Or you are not inherently a bad person, you
just did some specific things that hurt people.

[1]:
[https://blog.penningtonpublishing.com/grammar_mechanics/how-...](https://blog.penningtonpublishing.com/grammar_mechanics/how-
to-eliminate-to-be-verbs-in-writing/)

~~~
zck
> Not exactly the same thing, but this reminds me of a style of
> speaking/writing that avoids using "to be" verbs. I don't remember the name
> and can't seem to find it on Wikipedia right now, but it's similar to what
> this article describes

This is E Prime:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-Prime](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-Prime)

------
nate
Practice being terrible.

I think a lot of us have some idea of what "practice" means, but very few of
us do it. Instead, we "play to win". Because it feels like practice but it
really isn't.

For example, a lot of folks want to get better at basketball, so they play
pickup games. Which is great. But isn't enough to get really good. You're
trying to win at that game. So you won't do the necessary things to learn new
skills. And the necessary things is to look like an idiot while you try a new
move, a fadeaway, dribbling with your weak hand, etc.

I think that applies to most of life. We sort of think we're trying to get
better, but really we're in all these games to win.

So to get better at this, I think it's necessary to just shift to more things
that look like real practice with no intent on outcome. Give yourself chores
like: I'm going to write an article every week for 6 months in different
styles that match authors I look up to. (Maybe you publish these, maybe you
don't.)

There's no winning in that statement (except the part about showing up every
day). Many of us are going to resist and try to turn the exercise into: I'm
going to try and grow my blog subscribers by X over 6 months. No, that's a
game about winning. Get back to just practice.

When we understand what practice really feels like, the growth mindset comes
more naturally: Ah yes, I'm used to sucking at something but I show up and
practice and see how I get better.

Another exercise: practice being terrible in public. Give yourself quotas show
off how bad you are at the beginning. Like publish yourself learning something
something. Twitch stream learning to code. Publish those first awful videos
you edit. Every. Day.

~~~
machinehermit
Just to piggy back off basketball and practice, this video of Steph Curry
practicing shooting 3s for an hour from a few months ago just puts things in
perspective for me.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqIRDgNoKBU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqIRDgNoKBU)

A best ever at something doing the most simple drills for an hour.

I have in my head I suck at basketball but Curry takes more practice shots in
that video than I have in my life.

~~~
rhlsthrm
Yeah that's mind blowing to me. Lots of people think these ultra successful
people are just immensely talented but overlook the insane amount of work they
put in. My new theory for success is around obsession. If you find something
that you can be completely and utterly obsessed with, that's how you can
ultimately cultivate enough skill at it to be successful.

------
temenos
This is a great question that not everyone asks, especially honestly and
genuinely! It can be a little bit uncomfortable to begin things. There's a
Norwegian word for it, dørstokkmila, which means doorstep mile. The first mile
out the door (like on a run on a cold day) is always the hardest. There are
plenty of sayings about it to let us know that this feeling is actually a
shared one: another one is "all beginnings are difficult". But this might not
bring you consolation (hardy har, perfect example of where knowing it all
can't save us: we need to know how to _do_ too, so here are a few more ideas:
\- thinking about those (rare) nifty elderly people who are able to begin new
things with grace and humour: it is exactly their grace and humour that brings
them an air of authority even though they may 'look silly' being out of their
league \- thinking about new things as an experiment, a little game you play
with yourself to see how calm you can be in it \- making it even harder than
it is by asking yourself questions, to prove to yourself that you are curious
(after a few hours of this, going back to the 'normal mode' of learning
something new will seem easier!) Let us hope we live long, rich lives. Playing
games with ourselves to learn how to learn can make our lives more fun than
stressful. Finally: \- it helps to develop a sense of humour! Good luck to us
all on this journey :) And a great but serious book that might be inspiring is
Johan Huizinga's Homo Ludens. Keep on keeping on!

~~~
temenos
* sorry for the typos.

------
wccrawford
I've never really looked into this "growth mindset" fad, but based on what I'm
seeing here, I probably have it.

What is my secret?

I look up "how to" on the subject and learn about it until I'm comfortable
with the amount of risk involved in trying it.

That means that if I want to tile my bathroom floor, I watch Youtube videos on
tiling and find out how much the materials will cost and what it would cost to
fix my mistake if it's so bad that I can't fix it myself.

The result of that was my first attempt at floor tiling going very, very well,
but with a _lot_ of hard work that probably could have been easier if I'd
known more. But everyone says the tile looks amazing. I see the flaws, but
they don't until I point them out.

The same goes with programming at work. I've almost never said "no", but I've
often said, "I'll have to look into that" and it often results in creating a
proof of concept for the hardest part before actually attempting the whole
project. I usually end up doing it, and it almost always works out.

So my "growth mindset" is simply to look up tutorials before saying "no".

------
0x008
Well there is no real secret to learning stuff. Other than a few very
extraordinary disciplines, anything can be learned if you put in the time and
keep at it regularly. Of course, this statement is only valid if you apply the
proper learning techniques, but also these can be learned.

It is hard to give you general advice since everybody is at a different
mindset and has different learning techniques. What helped me was realizing
that whenever I hit a wall, I would stop trying because it felt annoying,
difficult, or I didn't really know what to do.

The secret for me was to do everything I can, meticulously and methodically,
to break through the perceived barrier in my understanding of something in
very small steps. And keep going until I felt the curtain was lifting.

Now, it is just a matter of how long it will take.

~~~
irchans
Maybe there are a few secrets to learning stuff. Has anybody taken the
"Learning how to Learn" coursera course?
[https://www.coursera.org/learn/learning-how-to-
learn?ranMID=...](https://www.coursera.org/learn/learning-how-to-
learn?ranMID=40328&ranEAID=EHFxW6yx8Uo&ranSiteID=EHFxW6yx8Uo-7HxMWeN0cC3tmLxTCjTVUw&siteID=EHFxW6yx8Uo-7HxMWeN0cC3tmLxTCjTVUw&utm_content=10&utm_medium=partners&utm_source=linkshare&utm_campaign=EHFxW6yx8Uo)

~~~
xtagon
I've taken the course, and highly recommend it to everyone! I wish I had taken
it years sooner, as most of the techniques can be applied to any learning
endeavor.

The instructors do touch on having a "growth mindset", as well as teaching
practical skills that are easy and effective both for retaining what you learn
and for fighting procrastination.

------
croo
Your question suggests you already started developing it.

I don't have any sources to give but my tought process: I belive I can learn
and do anything if I meet some base prerequisites and put in time. Based on my
experience you roughly need 10 years continous development to master
something.

To get started in harder level math you need to understand some elementary
level basics about numbers and how draw numbers on paper. I struggled a lot
with math in uni and it remained a struggle for every year. But when I
finished I was a fuckin math genious compared to those who just started CS.

Can I speak? Okay, now I can do public speakings. Will it be enjoyable to
listen? Nah. But if you try to be better for 1 year and learn the basics you
will already be better than anyone around you.

Another example is playing the piano. Can I press the white and black buttons
on it? Do I have sense of rythm? Okay, then I can play the piano! Now do my
current skills able to entertain? Only as a bad joke. But if I enjoy doing it
and practice and try to be better for 10 continous years I will be someone who
can sit down in a bar and play enjoyable jazz all night. I won't be another
Strauss thats for sure - but talent is not required to do most things well. It
only speeds up the process and makes the peak higher.

Doing things well requires only two thing - to start doing it and time.

------
willcipriano
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.” ― Henry
Ford

"There is nothing impossible to him who will try." ― Alexander the Great

I know, these sound like platitudes but in my experience they are mostly
accurate.

I listen to this speech by Arnold Schwarzenegger when I find myself thinking I
can't:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQxqIKTO2Ck](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQxqIKTO2Ck)

------
softwaredoug
I might recommend paradoxically focusing on work less. Pick up hobbies, focus
on your relationships, etc.

Why?

When we really make work the center of our lives, it becomes high stakes, and
it feels hard to take risks. When it becomes just part of our lives, it can be
a focus for lower risk 'play' and experimentation. Then we feel more
comfortable trying things we would normally not try.

------
chadcmulligan
People get tied up with people problems, the great big universe doesn't give a
sh*t about people problems - galaxies and suns will spin around no matter what
you do. We have millions of years of evolution coded in our every actions -
eating, sleeping, waking, screwing - how do you escape this? To me that is how
you get a growth mindset, though even that feels a poor name.

A better thing to my mind is escape your programming, learn all there is to
know about disparate fields, don't get tied down in other peoples dilemmas,
dream incredibly big, find others who want to do the same, people will come
and go in your life, enjoy them, shun people who want to drag you down. Every
day do wonderful things, even if you have to do every day things, you'll still
have time to find a tiny bit of wonderful somewhere, eventually it will grow.
Learn a lot about humanities and science, not because you have to but because
you want to know.

We have so many reactions that are hard and soft coded into our thoughts and
bodies, from our DNA, our upbringing, our schooling, society, work - watch
them, when you react to something, figure out why, and if necessary deprogram
yourself. You will start to see the universe outside the people sphere, and
you can bring some of it back, and share it, and make the people world a
better place perhaps, and have your growth mindset.

------
axegon_
It's probably not universal for all people but I can tell you what changed
things for me: what I'd call a "critical mass of unfortunate events". At one
point in my life(early 20's) I ended up alone, far from my parents, lost my
closest friend, the economic crisis was at it's peak, close relatives stabbed
me in the back multiple times and overall I was left to deal with life on my
own.

So in that aspect - it was necessity over anything else. I guess it pushed me
into a slightly stoicistic way of thinking about life in general. Two books
(which contradict each other a lot) helped me to tweak my thinking by finding
a path somewhere between them: Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and Beyond Good
and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche. I find myself re-reading them once a year as
a matter of fact. Finding the sweet spot between them is what made me go
forward - on one hand don't stress too much about the outcome and simply try
to do the best to your abilities and on the other look for the collective
gains from every idea/aim(product). With the appropriate amount of dedication,
it's worked for me even with the largest challenges(of which I've had a lot in
recent years as well). Not as I would have hoped but better than the
alternatives.

------
tomhoward
I think I've always had more of a growth mindset, thanks to my parents
instilling a "whatever anyone else can do, you can do" attitude in me from a
very young age.

Sometimes that belief has turned out to be unfounded, when I've attempted
things that were well beyond my capabilities, leading to some painful
failures.

Still, none of them have killed me or ruined me, so I still think I'm better
for the experience.

After some big failures about 8 years ago I discovered the concept of
subconscious emotional healing work, and I have practiced various forms of
this work ever since. Some of it has been under the guidance of professional
practitioners, and sometimes I've just done it by myself or with friends or my
partner.

That work has helped me to overcome a lot of emotional barriers that had held
me back from getting better at valuable skills like programming, public
speaking, emotional intelligence/empathy, financial management, etc.

I'm not a standout success, but my career and life has steadily improved since
I started that emotional work, and has had some major lifts after working
through some significant emotional obstacles, so I'm very sure it's been
effective.

So my tip would be to search around for books and/or practitioners on
subconscious emotional healing/growth work. There are many different forms of
it, but try whatever you find and go with what feels right and delivers
results.

By the way, it sounds like you already have a growth mindset, in that you
already believe you can grow, you're just looking for systems to help you
achieve that growth.

------
rdgthree
For me, often the problem is just one of perception. When something seems
impossible or out of reach, I think about how my own accomplishments can seem
out of reach to some industry outsiders.

For example, installing a router and setting up a wifi network can seem like
an unfathomably complex topic to an older person who's lived their life mostly
via paperwork. But it's not that hard! And that person could almost definitely
sort out how to do it with a little time and effort. You probably have
examples of this in your own life.

So then, just flip it. That challenging thing that seems out of reach? Just
assume you're the older person setting up wifi - assuming the thing is much
more complicated and difficult than it actually is. It only seems so daunting
because you have no exposure to that specific topic. If you just rip the
bandaid and start learning about it a bit, you'll almost always discover that
the individual steps to get started (for almost anything) are completely
within reach.

For me, that thought process always gives me enough confidence to _try_. If I
find out the thing is actually too hard, so be it. But usually, it isn't.
Usually it's surprisingly easy!

------
bhattisatish
So what is fixed vs growth mindset?

You believe in innate talent _vs_ you believe in practice and hardwork.

Failure indicates that you don't have it _vs_ curiosity around why it did not
work this time.

Criticism or feedback is taken personally _vs_ Feedback is a way to learn.

You are constantly looking at others to validate your talent _vs_ You are
measuring and developing your own yardsticks for growth.

As per my understanding, you can have growth mindset in one sphere of your
life and have fixed mindset in another. For e.g. a person I recently met, has
fixed mindset around programming, but has a growth mindset on the subject of
maths.

What does all this result in? Our self-talk about the activity at hand will
tell us what mindset we have.

Do we tell ourselves: "I am not good enough", "I will never be good at this".
Are we constantly looking at others to gauge what they perceive of us or our
abilities?

We then need to transform all these into

1\. "I am not good at this right now, but if I work at it, I will".

2\. "Everyone struggles. It's just not me. Everyone has spent time and effort
to become good at it." "Everyone finds learning a new thing hard and
challenging"

3\. What is stopping me from continuing right now? "Am i tired?", "Am I
hungry?" or is it my regular pattern of avoiding pain of learning? Can I
transform this towards curiosity?

To move towards growth mindset we need to approach it with a sense of play.
With a sense of curiosity towards what we are trying to learn or develop into.
We also need to be aware of how are feelings are involved and what they are
pushing us to do or avoid.

------
SirensOfTitan
I just read a really good book about this: The Inner Game of Tennis. The book
is old and never mentions the phrase “growth mindset,” but it goes into great
detail about how often the judging mind gets in the way of the subconscious
mind when learning new skills.

I read the book primarily to help with meditation skills, and it gave me a lot
of new perspective during my sits.

------
lycidas
For me, I find that I have to create the conditions for it and it'll naturally
come along.

Taking the quarantine for example, I initially thought I would have an
infinite amount of time to read new subjects and practice on topics I haven't
for awhile, but I quickly found myself spending most of my time on video
games. After adjusting my schedule of daily workouts, cooking, sleeping, and
everything else I thought was mundane, my motivation to start reading one
esoteric security topics and browse new open source projects came back up.
Like what other posters are saying, you have to take care of the rest of your
life first, both physically and emotionally, and then you'll naturally be
creative and daring.

------
riyadparvez
Growth Mindset is a cognitive technique. Many techniques that fall under the
umbrealla of congnitive and behaviorial technique is rife with overhyping,
overgeneralized claims and false promises. Here is an article about the growth
mindset controversy: [https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/debate-
arises-ove...](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/debate-arises-over-
teaching-growth-mindsets-to-motivate-students/). Life and success is hard. Be
careful when someone tries to sell you some easy techniques to be successful
in life.

------
kd5bjo
For any given skill, there’s a huge difference between being able to _attempt_
it, which most people can do, and _mastering_ it, which requires a large
commitment of effort. Though most people can master most skills, the high cost
means there’s a reasonably hard limit on the total number of skills anyone can
truly learn.

That said, it’s important to give yourself permission to do things you know
you’ll be bad at, at least when the stakes are low: The biggest impediment
most people have to learning is a fear of failure, which is almost inevitable
when attempting something new.

------
max_
Some notes in my personal diary that may help. In this case a
framework/strategy to "advance" my career.

Below are the criteria.

\- Desire “The starting point of all achievement is DESIRE. Keep this
constantly in mind. Weak desire brings weak results, just as a small fire
makes a small amount of heat.” - Napoleon Hill

\- Remove self limiting beliefs. Great comment on this very thread[0]

\- Never be satisfic with what you have. Keep lifing the bar for your self. Do
harder things once the current ones your doing are easy. For instance, I plan
on moving from web development & start doing some cryptoraphy.

\- Trust your instincts Kowledege kills action its the #1 source of excuses.
Stop asking, you already know what todo.

\- Choosing a goal Choose a bold goal, contruct daily routines that will move
you to this goal. Goals should also be focused & Intinsically rewarding. i.e
Work on what excites you, not is whats on demand. An example is me that has
accumlated a not-so popular set of programming skills (Nim, Flutter, Solidity
& Scilla). I believe Paul Graham has an a related essay on this[1]

[0]:
[https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23614989](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23614989)
[1]: [http://www.paulgraham.com/avg.html](http://www.paulgraham.com/avg.html)

------
dbcurtis
Many people have already said, more-or-less, "embrace the suck". Learning new
things will always have an initial period of less-than-ideal results. So I
won't repeat that.

Let me add: Break down the trouble spots into simpler sub-skills. I learned
this being a "Suzuki-dad" \-- coaching my child through Suzuki-method violin.
When you give a 3-year-old a fiddle, don't expect Mozart after a couple days.
The method works by breaking each skill down to the components, and working on
each component as a manageable piece, in the order in which they build on each
other.

So, if you are trying to learn something, and it isn't going well, analyze the
skill that is eluding you, and break it down to constituent components. If
that doesn't work, break it down further into even simpler components.

My kid eventually achieved exquisite Mozart, and Bach and De Beriot and
Sarasate and Bartok. But even at that level, learning requires taking the
troublesome measure, and breaking it down, and constructing little drills that
reinforce the skills needed for that measure.

In my own life, I have on the breakfast table a rather sucky pepper mill that
I turned out of a nice piece of cherry. I want to make a better pepper mill
that doesn't suck, right after I turn a pen that will probably suck. So I am
reading up on how to sharpen chisels... and watching YouTube on "how to use a
skew chisel" (For context, of all the turning chisels, the skew is the one
most likely to catch and scare you senseless. Which happened the one-and-only
time I tried to turn a bead with a skew chisel.)

------
jkhdigital
When I first read about Dweck’s work on mindset, I thought I had finally found
the perfect description of my struggles in childhood. I was like a textbook
case of fixed mindset.

But after a while I realized that the abstraction of “mindset” isn’t actually
much help in changing your behavior. It’s more like mindset is a label you
apply to a set of behaviors after the fact rather than some principle that
drives the behavior in the first place. In other words, if you want to have a
“growth mindset” then you behave in a way that people with such a mindset
behave. That is obviously completely useless advice—so what you’re really
digging for is what drives the behavior that Dweck calls fixed mindset.

For me, those behaviors are driven by fear. I suspect that I have a heightened
physiological fear response compared to the average person, and fixed mindset
behavior is just how I coped with that as a child. There’s really only a
handful of ways to deal with that, the most effective of which is basically
exposure therapy: engage in low-stakes activities that make you afraid, as
often as possible. Frequently taking up new hobbies with a social element is a
pretty easy way to accomplish this.

------
acd
Divide and conquer. Practise and learn. You need to do deliberate practise to
become better. You can learn to play an instrument but you need to practise
with a teacher todo it or learning platform for that matter.

Pick up a new skill do deliberate practice and you will become better at it.

And if you for some reason say you cannot do it it’s a mental block stop doing
that. Start and try.

------
katzgrau
First of all, don't grow for growth's sake.

Figure out what makes you happy. When you're 100 years old, what will you have
done, learned, or experienced that will make it worthwhile? As if it were one
big experience that you unknowingly opted into. It can be many things, but
usually there are a few really important things in there. It may take some
real consideration - think about it for a while.

Thats your vision. And once you have your vision, growth may be necessary to
achieve that vision. The existence of a vision will point you in the right
direction of growth.

With that approach you may find that certain interests you have now fade away
when you take such a broad perspective. It also forces you to take an
inherently personal perspective on life. After all, it's what you want to make
of it that is important, not what somebody else (religious leader, life coach,
buddha, tech guru) says.

------
conductr
I find people like to challenge me to do things I have no interest in doing.
Sure, based on what they know about me and my abilities it may seem like a
reasonable thing for me to learn. But, maybe after looking into it I can
evaluate the cost (time/money) and decide "Nope, don't wanna." It's not that I
couldn't. I'm finance guy. My whole career "you need an MBA, you need a CPA"
or on the technical side, you need to learn "tableau or flavor of the day".
Sure, it would be cool and boost my resume. But, honestly, my trajectory has
yet to slow down by not having MBA or CPA. I went to biz school the first time
for my undergrad. I literally had some courses where MBA students were in the
same class but got different homework. All my jobs come from a network I've
built. I have built a reputation and view MBA is a signal on a resume when
your resume is one in the stack of resumes. I know a lot about accounting but
CPA is for accountants, I work closely with accountants and can partner with
them when some something unusual comes up. Tools like Tableau, I learn them
when I have a use for them. I've personally never seen a use for it (I see how
others could use it given another industry/business datasets/etc). I've looked
at it, I know the business data my company has, and I don't have to learn the
tool to know it's just going to be a shiny toy instead of impactful for
business decisions. All that said, I've climbed the corp ladder from entry
level analyst, manager, director, CFO in about 10 years - so again, should I
have wasted 2 years on an MBA, another 1-2 years on CPA, nights and weekends
on learning technology without application? Often, managers "have to say
something" to push you to grow. You should be critical in deciding whether
it's the best use of your time.

That's my personal story, but to address the OP question directly; change your
response and turn it into a conversation. If you say "I can't/won't be able"
that pretty much ends the conversation. "where can I find resources to learn
X?" "I don't have a ton of time, do you know of a crash course to get started
on X?" "I prefer lectures, I'll see if I can find a course on X." 1) they may
know of great resources 2) conversational so you aren't just shooting down
their constructive feedback 3) very easy for people to tell you what to learn,
more work to tell you how to learn it successfully. If they can't tell you how
to learn it, they can't blame you for "failing"

------
jonahbenton
There are lots of good techniques here related to growth mindset and being ok
being bad at something, etc. But I hear in this question something else- I
hear an interactive, real time challenge, how to respond in real time to
someone who gives you something scary.

That isn't a growth mindset problem, not really. It's a performance challenge.
The domain that IMO has the best guidance is acting, specifically
Improvisation- Improv for short.

There are many practices and techniques here for recognizing the fear and
learning to ride it. "Yes, and" is one that was revelatory for me.

I highly recommend a book called Impro, by Keith Johnstone. And look for
introductory Improv classes in your area (remote, of course). They are super
fun, initially terrifying, but tremendously valuable. Should be a standard
curricular class in all middle and high schools.

Cheers.

------
chiefalchemist
You are your environment. Whether that's the content you consume, the food you
eat, or the people you are surrounded by. Be mindful of the all.

That said, don't over-think / over-focus. Be sure to devote some time to
experimenting / R&D.

A growth mindset is not a goal, it's an iterative process.

------
tajd
Start by doing the task you want to do every day for a set period of time, say
30 mins up to 1.5 hrs. Then you will see the product of your hard work and you
will internalise the fact that success is more a product of hard work rather
than just being magically good at something.

------
abhayhegde
I did not read all the comments and hence do not know if this has been already
mentioned. I have found "The Art of Learning" by Josh Waitzkin, as an
excellent guide to two approaches of thinking: fixed mindset and growth
mindset.

The author was a national chess champion at the age of nine and later earns
the title of world champion of Tai Chi, a martial art. He gives a critical
analysis, especially in chapter three on how he was able to shift to growth
mindset. Although most of it is very specific to him and written in chess
lingo, I think the common theme is graspable and there are good ideas lying
all around. Style on chessboard is direct expression of personality and this
book may help you.

------
deltron3030
Remember how you learned to ride a bike or to swim as a kid. You couldn't
avoid the practice because the thing you wanted (have fun with other kids
swimming and biking) could only be obtained by this practice.

E.g. you can learn languages or whatever you want actually the same way, but
might have to engineer your environment a bit to create a similar anti cheat
system like with the kid example above.

You can constrain your environment in a way so that those constraints push in
you towards your destination. Think of it like filters or hurdles, where
another thing you want (like advancing another hobby) can only be obtained
through those filters. It's like jumping into ice cold water, it's brutal at
first, but you get used to it.

------
sprusemoose
I look at it as an equation between your conscious and unconscious

quite often things that require change end up equaling 0, where your
motivation to do it = the resistance to stay the same, stay safe, stay
comfortable.

so you need to add something to the equation that's external and outside of
your control, that tips the odds.

we have all these big brain solutions to jimmy our unconscious into doing
things we want, but we often don't realize our unconscious has the same
ability to jimmy our conscious mind to create balance

------
paulcole
Accept that it’s very possible you _can’t_ do X or Y.

Are X and Y reasonable? Are they things you even _want_ to do? Or things that
you feel like you _have_ to do because of some hacker-start-up-culture-HN-
bullshit? Why even care when someone challenges you?

Everybody’s different and some people (like me) aren’t capable of a lot. Once
I accepted that, life became a lot easier. I read, watch TV, exercise, do
decently at work, but am I really doing anything? Not really. But I’m OK with
that.

------
darkerside
Learn something. Doesn't matter what. Just pick at and get really damn good at
it. Or even, just a little bit better than you were yesterday, every day for a
long time.

------
timwaagh
I guess when you can wrangle an opportunity, act and don't let it slip. some
people never get opportunity. But more often people let their morals, their
conscience, the law, social expectations, their image, fear et cetera get in
the way. We're all vulnerable to it to some extent and that's okay. But you
should at least realize you are paying a price when you let a thing like that
hold you back.

------
meagher
Read this
[http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/dweck](http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/dweck)

------
coffeeling
"It's really important to just take what life has given you, and do your best
with it. I'm not going to say that anyone can do anything, those are just
empty words, but I will say that your limits are way further out than you
think they are. And if you push yourself you'll be really pleased with the
results."

\- speedrunner halfcoordinated, SGDQ 2016

------
solidasparagus
I just remember this quote: "Sucking at something is the first step to being
good at something".

You might not be able to do that new thing right now, but if you try, suck at
it and keep trying, eventually you will be able to do it to some degree of
proficiency. I haven't found much of anything in life that you can't get
better at by trying again and again.

~~~
monster_group
>> I haven't found much of anything in life that you can't get better at by
trying again and again.

I used to think the same way until I tried learning to play guitar. Have been
trying it for a year now and I seriously question if I will ever be able to do
it with reasonable proficiency. (So far holding on though.)

------
mrfusion
I’ve heard the theory called racquetball with a tennis racket. When trying new
things accept that you will get some big things wrong. But you’ll probably
also get some things right and still have fun.

If you like it you’ll have time and motivation to pick up the details later.

(To a non growth mindset a worry like using the wrong racquet for a sport is
paralyzing.)

------
andersthue
Growth mindset is there is always enough.

Scarcity is there is never enough.

Both is a mind-set.

So to change, you need to change your mindset.

The best way to do that, has for me been through the Arbinger mindset change
tools, start with their books, i can recommend “The outward mindset” and take
it from there.

------
k__
Bite off more than you can chew. Then chew it. ;)

For software development, I know what I can't do and try to go a bit deeper
into that space every time, but not too deep.

For things I have no idea about, I get a mentor.

------
forgotmypwbctbi
i have convinced myself that anything i want to do, i should try at least 3
times. in the beginning, i even set my expectations for failing the first 2.
helped me tremendously.

------
gguevaraa
Tom Bilyeu said something in a video (don't remember the video): "On a long
enough timeline, I can learn this". I've found it to be pretty helpful.

------
simonw
I'm not sure when I did it, but at some point I managed to adopt the idea that
"everything is learnable" as a core belief. It's really valuable.

A few examples:

I took up a management role. Management is hard! It's a whole new package of
challenges that have little to do with being a great software engineer. The
difference between humans and computers is that humans don't automatically
tell you the exact truth, and don't do exactly what you ask them to do.

But... it's learnable. Books like The Managers Path. Courses. Coaching.
Thinking hard about what makes good management. Talking to peers.

Very good manager started as a barely-adequate manager. Talking to other
managers about their journeys to actually being good at it was really useful.

I've tried and failed to learn languages before. I'd let myself believe that
if you're older then twenty you have a big disadvantage in language learning.

Then my dad learned a new language in his sixties and I realized my excuses
were rubbish. So I started a Duolingo streak to learn Spanish. And 578 days
later I'm still going. I have a weekly Spanish lesson with a teacher now. I
recently switched my phone to Spanish to more fully immerse myself.

I'm no-where near a fluent Spanish speaker but I can feel myself getting a
little bit better every day.

Languages are fantastic for helping you get better at learning, because
there's no magic shortcut: it doesn't matter how smart or quick you are at
learning, it's going to take you a LOT of work to master a language. Its
humbling. And yet almost everyone does it once and hundreds of millions of
people have learned multiple languages.

I just finished a year at Stanford on a fellowship program. I very
deliberately took classes that were WAY out of my comfort level: things like
classical guitar, improv, and screenwriting.

Watching fresh faced undergrads (I am not a fresh faced undergrad) go from
incompetent at something to actually pretty good in just a few weeks - and
watching myself do the same - was a healthy reminder that everything is
learnable if you put the effort in. And often that effort is ten weeks of
intense exposure, showing up and putting in the work.

I also realized that in many skilled professions the entry-level workers have
only had 2-3 years of training and experience in order to get good enough to
be paid to do their thing. And a lifetime has many multiples of 2-3 years in
it.

I don't need to be an expert at everything - but racking up a few disciplines
in which I'm as good as an entry-level professional over the course of a
lifetime now seems achievable and worth considering.

------
aronpye
People, myself included, can often focus too much on the planning /
organisational type of things rather than just getting things done, I.e. Just
do it TM. You can end up procrastinating by reading up on stuff meant to help
you stop procrastinating.

------
minerjoe
Try. Fail. Learn. Try again.

