Ask HN: Anyone who lost it all, or failed dismally, how did you start afresh? - chirau
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segmondy
You start with your mind.

7 years from now, there's going to be an 18-21 years that has made millions of
dollars. Today, that kid is 11-14yrs old.

They don't even know how to drive, don't have a license, don't have a car.
Live with their parents. Can't even pay their cell phone, still working
through Algebra 1 and English composition.

You have a head start and more experience. Everything else you see as an
obstacle is just an excuse. Those kids just have a fresh mind. Reset your
mind. Don't look at what you lost, look at all you can gain and start working
towards it.

~~~
quickthrower2
As well as a fresh mind, they also have survivorship bias on their side.

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apohn
I'll provide a brief story from somebody I once knew (we didn't keep in
touch).

Person founded a startup during the .com bubble. He took on a lot of personal
debt to fund it. In his words, "Went from driving a Ferrari to losing
everything and having $600K+ of debt."

He had a spouse and kids and was a business person, not a tech person. For
whatever reason he decided not to declare bankruptcy and spent the next 10
years digging himself out of that debt. Since he was a business person, he
ended up much lower down the ladder in a sales role and climbed the ladder
again. There was nothing romantic about his climb - he had to live in some
really cold and often disparaged parts of US and worked for companies that are
derided on HN. Basically going wherever he could get a job.

The last time I had talked to him we was doing very well financially, had paid
off the debt, had just purchased a home, and was living in the part of the
country that was a good fit for him and his family. You could still see the
scars of those years in his health and his relationships with his spouse and
kids.

Note that when some people say they "lose it all" they also lose their
spouse/relationships and end up homeless. I guess it could have been much
worse, but his situation was still awful.

~~~
AznHisoka
"You could still see the scars of those years in his health and his
relationships with his spouse and kids."

How so?

~~~
apohn
I'm not sure how to answer without stating the obvious (e.g. poor health
reports) so I'll just state some of the causes.

1). Years of stress due to debt and having to work extremely long hours to
make up for the debt. This includes less than ideal work environments. 2).
Spouse being forced to take up all other responsibilities because their
partner is working so much. Even though the partner is working so much, there
is limited money for extra help. Plus, the constant stress of a bad financial
situation. 3). Having to move every few years. Kids changing schools every few
years. 4). They were a minority (not white), and were lived in places that had
very few people from the same ethnic group. That's not easy, especially in
schools. Ever been bullied because your lunch is different from what everybody
else is eating?

Prolonged stress takes a toll. This includes families who were happy with each
other and lived "normal" lives until that stress began. Long term stress on a
family will take a long time to resolve after things become good again.

------
DarrenZ
4 years ago I was broke and considered myself unemployable. I’d been out of
the job market for 6 years as I tried to start my own software business,
releasing one failed product after another. My skills had stagnated, I was in
dept, and had maxed out my overdraft.

When crunch time came, I took the first job I found, worked there for 6 months
as a C++ developer, and then started working as a .Net contractor after
teaching myself C# over the space of a few weeks.

Forward 4 years: I earn top money as a contractor, have released 4 new
applications and a couple of web apps — all far better than anything I
released during my failed solo career. For me, the truth was I produced more
and of better quality when I was in full time work than when I had all the
time in the world. There’s a saying: “If you want something done, give it to a
busy person.”

Contracting 6 or 9 months in different companies actually helps with my own
software, as I learn new ways of doing things, get new ideas for products, and
get huge confidence boosts from doing well in each new job.

------
nicholas73
I tried trading stocks with lots of negative personal biases that caused me to
take poor risks. Year after year I lost money, and was close to giving up.
Then oil prices collapsed and a year later I stumbled upon that fact (lucky
me). I remembered economics class from over ten years ago (price elasticity
and marginal cost) and it helped me recover financially by guiding my trading
plan and giving me conviction. I had borrowed heavily and was about to quit in
debt, but that last hurrah took me back where now I probably will be
profitable _. With a bankroll and solved emotional baggages I think I can win
consistently. Ironically I don 't have as much desire to do so anymore, and am
building tools for others to use.

_The lesson isn't to make a last hurrah but wait for the right moments. It was
a ridiculous moment to buy in retrospect, but also was super stressful. Lately
I noticed the hair loss...

------
JoeAltmaier
I met a guy, had a child born sick and bills had taken all his money and debt
besides, then the child died. Very low point in his life.

So, I was hiring for a startup, got him on board (a dig-in-and-do-it kind of
guy), got him stock options and a raise as things progressed.

By the time we got bought out he was out of the trailer park, bought a house,
another child on the way. Now he's a responsible managing engineer with his
pick of projects and opportunities.

I like to think about how I did what I could to help at the time. But it was
all him, character plus never-give-up attitude. Still, somebody had to be
there with the opportunity.

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kerrsclyde
Not a massive failure but I went through breakup with a biz partner, I wanted
to continue, he didn't, so it ended. Hit me pretty hard.

5 years later I don't feel like I have recovered (whatever recovered means).
There is a lot of unresolved stuff there which is never going to get resolved.
I moved away, started doing other work but I don't look back with fondness. If
I could I would go back and do somethings differently.

Really difficult by the time you are in your mid-30's to start afresh, just
not the way the brain works. Past experience can be a huge help but it can be
a hinderance.

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owebmaster
I withdraw the rest of the money I had (around USD1k) and went to travel my
country without destiny. 6 months after that I enjoyed the style and started
to look for some freelancing. Now 5 years later I'm still traveling, happier
than ever and have no idea what would have happened if I didn't went broke.
What I know is that I'd never exchange my currently life for the one I was
heading.

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hacalox
14 votes, still no answers.

My logical conclusion would be: Many people hope they could recover from a
huge failure but very few really do

~~~
kotrunga
I'm really hoping that some will answer; who doesn't love inspiring stories?
Maybe some don't want to answer?

It's a really good question; I love Ask HN's like these. However, the
conclusion you came to makes sense. That could be the case.

~~~
hacalox
Thanks god my assumption was wrong.

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zapperdapper
A couple of times - and probably will do so again some day. :) That's life -
you never know what might happen. Just putting pen to paper here I realized I
could probably write a book on the subject! {grin}

Back in 2003, when my marriage failed, I lost everything. My home, all my
money in the divorce settlement, and I was sleeping in the car along with the
only possessions I had in the world. That was pretty much rock bottom for me.
I felt like a complete failure.

So after a few months of feeling like death warmed up I figured I had nothing
to lose and so took my credit card and booked a ten day diving holiday to
Thailand with a mate. I was sitting on an empty, white, sandy beach on Koh
Lanta and I had this realization that all the things I thought would make me
happy, like a big house, fancy job title, lots of money in the bank, lots of
stuff, and a nice car HAD NEVER MADE ME HAPPY! But, sitting there on that
little beach, throwing pebbles into the ocean, looking at a clear blue sky and
crystal clear water I realized I was happy. I felt like I'd been duped,
conned, sold a lie. When I returned to the harsh grey reality of life in the
UK, and 4.00am commutes I knew I had to change things and start living by a
different set of priorities.

These days I'm a lot happier, although there have of course been "moments". I
focus on owning very few possessions, working as little as possible, and
prioritizing health, fitness, my current relationship (10 years and going
strong), travel, and my family, and it has worked out very well.

I guess my advice would be, things are probably not as bad as you think they
are. The mind can really drag you down and play tricks on you, and the things
you thought were so important turn out not to be, and the things you didn't
consider important, like freedom and the ability to travel light through life
and love, turn out to be a big deal.

A few resources I picked up along the way that _really_ helped me.

1) What should I do with my life? - Po Bronson 2) Your money or your life -
Joe Dominguez 3) Is the American Dream Killing You? - Paul Stiles 4) Working
ourselves to death - Diane Fassel 5) Any book on CBT.

Particularly number 2) had a huge impact - I still do the steps.Do the steps
and it will work. Don't do the steps and it won't. Number 4) was the first
book I read that alerted me to the fact I might not have my priorities quite
right!! Number 5 - absolutely key to understanding how the mind works. This
helped me a lot in various ways.

I can honestly same I'm not "successful" by how people in the West would
measure success, but I AM happy. Life's too short to strive for anything other
than a feeling of contentment and happiness. Don't listen to people who tell
you otherwise - they are probably miserable anyway. {grin}

I have missed a lot out here - there are a lot of nuances to things you pick
up from experience. One day I might write something more. Enough for now
though.

A parting thought - the definition of madness is doing the _same_ thing over
and over again and expecting _different_ results. If you want different
results do something different - set different priorities.

Good luck to you and I hope all goes well with what you do next.

------
DoreenMichele
You decide what you want to do and you set goals. Look to the future, not the
past.

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demygale
I failed out of college, was broke and mostly unemployed, and cut off by my
family.

The key thing to remember: once you've lost it all, you have already started
over; you just might not know it yet.

~~~
chirau
What are you up to now?

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airbreather
Depends what you mean by all, I assume you mean money but many have lost far,
far more than money and go on to do amazing things.

All this tells me is that is attitude that counts for everything.

~~~
mbrodersen
Do you have any real data on the percentage of people with a great attitude
who go on to do amazing things? Or are you just speculating?

