> He answered, almost without thought, “Because that’s the only thing that will make you uncomfortable.
I think this article is well written, albeit a little extreme with some of it's points. The behavior of the man the author had anal sex with is obviously not the norm, and yet she uses the event as a way to describe the norm.
Her anecdote doesn't support her case. It seems clear that the guy was taking out his post-breakup frustrations on Ms. Vargas-Cooper. He may normally be a decent, caring person who just tried to get back in the dating pool too soon. Punishing a rebound girl/boy for the sins of the previous girl/boy is not something that either gender has a monopoly on.
She described his behavior, asking to make her uncomfortable, as uncommonly honest, so she agrees with you it's not the norm. I think her point is that the underlying desire is the norm, while the open and respectful request for consent as not.
I feel like the author is so caught up in the view of male sexuality being motivated by a desire to debase women (which would be well supported if we consider the extremes of pornography to be normal), that she fails to make a convincing argument that that underlying desire is in fact the norm.
> While sexual aggression and the desire to debase women may not be what arouse all men, they are certainly an animating force of male sexuality.
I think it's kind of a jump, when looking at how something plays out in the bedroom, to make statements about the motivations (e.g. enforcing male hegemony), particularly when applying it broadly to a large and varying group.
Under her assumption that sexuality isn't egalitarian, and that pornography is an "unvarnished view of male sexuality" in general, she makes some good points, but I think the author fails to substantiate the validity of these assumptions.
As much as the debasement of women in pornography offends me, we need to keep in mind that it's a product, and as such it doesn't necessarily provide deep insight on the consumer or the producer - both of whom are just negotiating to find something that more or less suits their needs at the moment.
It seems more like the author wants to be debased as much as men want to debase her--note how she describes aggressive, debasing, apparently non-committed sex as "the best sex [a woman's] had in her life", and describes her own reaction to that particular encounter as complying "without hesitation".
I think her compliance is simpler than that. If I believe something for a long time, and finally someone admits it, I cut them some slack, partly because it's funny.
I think this article is well written, albeit a little extreme with some of it's points. The behavior of the man the author had anal sex with is obviously not the norm, and yet she uses the event as a way to describe the norm.