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All the lonely people (suntimes.com)
125 points by robg on Nov 13, 2010 | hide | past | favorite | 33 comments


For me, the internet feels like connecting to a larger consciousness. In a crowded city you can be lonely, even with family, friends and your significant other - a special kind of intellectual(?) loneliness that goes away in your virtual community.

HN feels like home. I lurk here, without commenting or participating, without coding or doing a startup. I bask in the warmth of human insight and intelligence, witness our triumphs and tragedies. It feels good to see people struggle to succeed against odds and their dedication to their craft. Feel-good high!


Ebert has a follow-up article here, and it's a good one:

http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2010/11/i_had_no_idea_for.ht...


Can you pls post this as a link?


There should be a community for lonely people without the possibility to contact, friend or connect to other people.


Looks like you'd have to invent another name for that, because it wouldn't be a community anymore.


Why ? People live in big cities, don't have to worry about other people around them, and it's still a community.


> People live in big cities

There is an assumption there (that isn't quite fair). Not everyone lives in a big city. I live in a remote rural area. I see (visually see) my neighbors maybe once a week. While it is quiet out here, and I can avoid stress, there isn't much to do. The nearest town is 6 miles away (~1K population), and the next larger is 12 miles. Like it or not, you end up doing a considerable bit of driving (in the car) just to meet basic needs. The nearest full service hospital is almost 40 miles. A long ride if you have an emergency.

The social scene here is divided into 3 basic groups: those who attend church (multiple times per week), those who attend (almost daily) services at their favorite bar, and those who have kids (and the typical events that kids are organized around).

The community, such as it is, is considerably more sparse than it would be in a large city. It is very easy to feel lonely, and depressed. Without the internet, my life would be quite different.


Why are you living there?


Probably because I'm 14 years into a 30 year project... restoring a longleaf pine ecosystem.

A second reason is the night sky. There is no way to properly describe walking outside on a dark cold night, and looking up. Thousands of stars. The occasional bit of debris reentering in a blaze of fire across the sky. Staring at aircraft lights, wondering if they are passenger, military or something else. The dark night sky isn't really dark at all, it is full of wonder.


Sounds like it's worth it.


This renders the word "community" meaningless. The essence of a community is that people know and care about each other. People in big cities are, for the most part, just a collection.


I really disagree with this definition. "Care" is way too strong, as is the idea that people must know each other.

You're describing a very small social network. If every person's immediate family and close social network is a "community", then "community" loses all meaning.

Do I care about the other people just in my apartment building? Not above a minimal base level of caring for anyone, apart from a few cute little kids. Do I know anyone else in the building? No, not really, not even the cute little kids. Would I help one of them in an emergency? Sure.

But we are a community in the sense that we have shared interests: that the elevators be kept running, that power be kept on, that the water supply be kept going, that the parking lot be plowed, that the garbage be collected. We may never have cause to work together in support of these shared interests, but the potential exists.


No, a community is a group of humans who share a common interest and therefore gather in some form. This would apply to people who are not interested in direct contact as well, it's what separates them from the rest and makes them a community devoted to that special interest.


every community needs some kind of interaction, otherwise it's not a community.


There needs to be some connection, not necessarily interaction. Geographic proximity creates communities whether or not they interact, because the members have inherent shared interests. Something may arise that spurs interaction and action in concert. But the community exists already by virtual of residence by the members. It may be latent, but it's there.

Other relations between members are possible as well. Students and faculty at a university, for instance. Or staff and patients at a hospital. Or a regional technology interest group. In these cases, membership in the communities is more tenuous, and is maintained by group participation, enrollment in the university, participation in a hospital treatment program, etc.

Virtual communities such as HN are almost entirely reliant on interaction for establishing membership.


EDIT: can't seem to reply to post below. Here is a second go. A community requires more than shared interests or being gathered together. E.g. people working for the same company are not usually thought of as a community, people living in the same street (in the UK) often can be. A forum or mailing list never can be, people might refer to it as such but that is as desperate as referring to other Facebook users as your "friends".


I didn't say the whole meaning wasn't desperate ;-)


isolatr.com?


This is a very "Serial Experiments Lain" article


Now I see that all relationships are virtual,

This is such a great line.


Perhaps I wasn't lonely before because I didn't have it, so it couldn't be gone.

This, too. It's absolutely true, at least for me.


His writing feels so human. In particular, his post about rice cookers really spoke to me, but I'm a cooking geek.

Also: After years working in a public library, I know lonely people. They all have their stories, though many just want to be left alone.


As a software developer who has the ability to create things people want, that alone makes me happier than some of my non-programmer friends in their jobs.

> Of all the purposes of education, I think the most useful is this: It prepares you to keep yourself entertained. It gives you a better chance of an interesting job. Those who stare at the TV for hours might as well be sitting on a stone under a tree in a primeval village; indeed, that might offer more interest and variety. I can't remember the last time I felt bored. I can't eat, drink or talk, and yet I have so many other resources to keep myself entertained. I think I must be a case study.


Serious question: how did this get to #1 on a site titled hacker news? Are we really that cliche?


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There is probably value in asking why it is appropriate as that will clue readers in to a different meaning due to the fact that writing is not exactly perfect way to convey meaning.


This is an on-going battle, but I think that it is somewhat skewed. When enough people agree that "This story shouldn't be here" no one that complains gets quoted the rules. When few people agree that "this shouldn't be here" all of the people in disagreement trot out the rulebook.

It really seems like a 'selectively enforced' rule, even though there aren't any 'official' HN enforcers.


He's talking about people communicating in communities on the internet. Do you not see a link between that and Hacker News? Sometimes the medium can be the message.


Serious question: did you read the whole thing? It started with a cliche idea, but wanders rather deeply into it.


Let's file it under "Understanding your Customer".


It's the weekend


Great Read.


What is this doing on hackernews?




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