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Thanks, jokull. I know that I am not easy to work with at times, and he probably has good feedback for me, too.

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Thanks for taking the time to reply. I can be hypercritical and thought that maybe I just needed some time and space away. So that's kind of where I was going, but...

You bring up a perspective I need to consider. Some faults are simply part of his character and have come up in non-work related settings. Others have revealed themselves through work disagreements.

But you are right in that I should communicate what is impacting work. And try to do it in a way that won't sound like I'm just blasting him. He is a good guy after all.

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Thanks for taking the time to reply, j45. The points you bring up are quite astute despite my being vague on details.

Wrt "the person is as willing to look at themselves as much as point fingers", I actually thought I was being overly hypercritical because nothing in the past week has happened that would provoke me. So I just thought I needed time and space. That was what I was looking for wrt replies on HN, but...

Upon retrospect, we have also both been testier ever since our first idea didn't work out. So far so good with the new one, but that first one was 6 months of 0 traction that changed our dynamic.

You've given me a lot to think about, and I will need to think about how to have a constructive conversation that will help us move on.

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j45 541 days ago | link

Glad it may have helped, all learnt the hard way.

One thing that's hard is having a dialogue where both people can speak openly and feel heard and understood and respected.

Often when relationships degrade, it turns into monologues crammed down each others throats and jumping to conclusions, instead of giving the benefit of the doubt and asking "what else could this mean?" in a positive way.

It's that much harder with coders who aren't always socially aware or developed as we might need to be.

It will be hard to have conversation about anything if you guys aren't comfortable with each others presence to begin with. What's needed is some form of an emotional breakthrough.

To that effect, maybe starting with a conversation saying sorry, I hope i haven't been short with you unintentionally, I didn't mean to so let me know what I mean if I come across in a way that doesn't seem positive or productive because that's what's most important. Hopefully you hear the same back from him, and if you don't you can say I want to make sure either of us can talk about how we're working together as well as what we're working on...

Feel free to connect offline if you need. It sounds like you care and that's a good thing, if you can confirm your partner does too there's a chance you can come out of this stronger and have each others backs. Instead of facing each other, you have to face the world together at each others side and let 1+1=11

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I've been thinking a lot about why people share in communities, so this was a cool take on things. I'd tack on to the 3 P's that communities need members who are: 1. Motivated. 2. Empathetic. Maybe these are no s* sherlocks. But I say motivated because people need incentives, whether it's the prospect of making money or building a reputation or getting recognition. There is something everyone is after, and many of even the best communities have some sort of reward system (HN & Quora off the top). And empathetic because members need to be able to relate to each other. If the sharer has high empathy then maybe less so. Here's a longer winded version of what I wrote: http://marketinghead.tumblr.com/post/31338994971/why-share

As I write this, maybe the closer community members are sympatico, the more likely you get community wo incentives needing to be so significant...

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mooreds 566 days ago | link

Hmmm. Interesting post. I might say that the closer community members are, the more the reward or incentive is getting to know the other members rather than fame or money. After all, that is the reward for interacting with offline communities based on close ties like family. Well, except for interactions with that rich uncle /sarcasm.

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"I wonder why growth hacking is so in vogue"...

Maybe Peter Thiel's lecture on distribution has gotten the ball rolling. (To those of you who missed it: http://blakemasters.tumblr.com/post/22405055017/peter-thiels...) The reason I say this is that just a month ago I wrote a blog post about how inefficiency is an indicator of marketing opportunity, and his lecture was the inspiration.

I suspect we're all looking at the same startup reading material, and it's shaping our thoughts similarly.

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