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Is the premise really that just the exercise alone produces the result? Wouldn't two people who were totally repulsed by each other's answers not fall in love? What about people who were just lukewarm towards each other's answers?

If that's the case, how does this idea allude to anything other than the concept that two people who generally get along with each other, and were already predisposed to liking each other in the first place, would develop feelings for each other after spending a few hours conversing and learning about each other?

The paper linked from the article goes into this a bit. (Though I just skimmed it.) The authors started by thinking people who had similar answers would be more attracted, but found that wasn't the case. Just the act of opening up seems to provide the effect.

Highlighted in purple on page 367:

"Overall, these data suggest that matching in terms of not disagreeing on important attitudes or leading subjects to believe that they and their partners will like each other probably has little impact on the overall closeness subjects achieve through this procedure, or even on their mutual attraction. "


Super interesting isn't it? Looking forward to doing some experiments with this tool.

The eye gazing alone is incredibly powerful if you know how to do it properly -- you can dissolve through a ton of projections that normally interfere with someone.

I had the experience of eye gazing with a woman this fall, and the moment we saw each other, we both had the experience of "this is my husband/wife" -- we dated for a couple months, though she had a bf so that was sort of tricky and I decided I needed to take space to let her sort that out.

As for the questions, most people have a very low level of intimate conversation -- Level 1 (of 5), where they mostly discuss facts about things, the world, etc. This moves them up into higher level intimate conversations.

Also, a big part of attraction is feeling safe, on a deeper level, so actively moving to deeper levels and being vulnerable together will bond people.

Will this work if you hate the person or have no attraction at all? Maybe not, but it can be a huge catalyst for newly dating people or long term couples.

In my workshops I've had women say they had more sustained eye contact in 3 minutes than they've had in their entire 20 year marriage. Powerful stuff.

Thanks for the feedback!

Interesting comment. I need to go home and do some gazing.

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