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I don't think I fully understand what you're saying, but you seem to feel stuck -- so here's some books to take a look at:

Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety, by Kelly G. Wilson [http://www.amazon.com/Things-Might-Terribly-Horribly-Wrong/d...]

Shawn Smith - The User's Guide to the Human Mind - Why Our Brains Make Us Unhappy, Anxious, and Neurotic and What We Can Do about It [http://www.amazon.com/The-Users-Guide-Human-Mind/dp/16088205...]

Russ Harris - Getting Unstuck in ACT - A Clinician's Guide to Overcoming Common Obstacles in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy [http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Unstuck-ACT-Clinicians-Overcom...]

Both by Jeffrey E. Young: Schema Therapy - A Practitioner's Guide, and Reinventing Your Life [http://www.amazon.com/Schema-Therapy-A-Practitioners-Guide/d...]

Steven C. Hayes, - Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life [http://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Into-Life/dp/1572244259]

Charlotte Kasl - If the Buddha Got Stuck [http://www.amazon.com/If-Buddha-Got-Stuck-Spiritual/dp/01421...]

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