|A few months ago I quit my job to pursue the "bohemian" life style. After reading blog post after blog post of programmers leaving their day jobs and travelling, the idea slowly took over my mind until one day I just did it.|
Originally I started my company with a very close friend, and it was great. We decided we can't be cold calling all day and getting contracts, so we brought a business guy.
It's been three months now, we have employees, many clients, and my phone is going off with texts every 5 seconds.
I have never felt so much anxiety in my life. This is the direct opposite of what my goal was. I don't want employees. Or a company. At all.
If I leave, everyone will hate me. I was the one that painted the vision, the direction, did most of the work. I just want to earn decent money and be able to do what I want to do whenever during the day.
I honestly thought I was super tough and I can take this on. I actually really just want to kill myself. I so
Right now I'm working 14 hour days and everyone gets mad when someone tries to leave while the others are working. There is no FREEDOM. The whole point of this venture WAS FREEDOM. Beers at 2pm? Sure! Not "um we have 8 pages left to design for tomorrow, nobody is going anywhere" says one of the developers. This attitude, day in, day out. Always something to do, always due tomorrow. I don't have the spine to delay my clients or deliver anything less than perfect and it's breaking me. My developers don't want to do anything besides work, which I mean is fucking great, but this is the flip side.
I can't ditch my clients, my business partners, my friends, my employees. I don't know how to get out. I so furiously pitched my friends to start this company, I brought them ALL into this. I hired everyone, I convinced them to jump ship from their jobs and work with me. If I bail now, every word I said, anything I did, will mean nothing.