If you don't want to set up nagios, you can create a quick monitoring solution with cron along these lines:
*/10 * * * * nobody curl -sSfm 10 http://www.example.com || mail -s 'www.example.com is DOWN' firstname.lastname@example.org < /dev/null
I'm volunteering for a non-profit right now on a project that sends SMS messages through Twilio, I think their current cost is $0.0075 (for a US to US message), and interfacing to Twilio is easy, if not a joy, their API is sane and the on-line documentation is excellent. This approach gives you the whole 160 character budget to describe the problem.
a more complete list is here: https://discussions.apple.com/thread/5913116
it's free, but with Sprint for example, it prepends "Subject: " to the front of the text. not great, but i guess might be an ok compromise for "free".
if you insist on keeping the huge database (around 30MB), i actually wrote a miner script a couple years ago to scrape the NPA-NXX data as a CSV from 2 different sources . (you'll have to change the $src key and run it twice)