I think the single worst thing is coming to the realization that they are just gone. I can never again hug him, hear his him laughing, talk to him about the n number of awesome shared experiences, or just enjoy another moment with him.
I still haven't fully dealt with this as I am not sure there is a protocol for dealing with such events except picking yourself up and keeping your mind engaged other stuff till you don't feel that much grief. I guess another approach is to push grief into the background and celebrate the life lived. Good luck to the OP dealing with this loss.
I honestly don't know how to deal with it, either. I think being 29 before losing your first really close loved one is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I got nearly 30 years with my grandma - time I wouldn't trade for anything. On the other hand, I'm a grown man who can't deal with death. I think you're right - a big part of it is just continuing to move forward. Because, like it or not, the world doesn't stop spinning, even though it feels like it just did. One last anecdote - when we knew grandma was in the hospital and probably never leaving, I went to pick up my cousins and take them to say goodbye. We stopped to get some flowers, and I remember looking at everyone at the store and thinking how could normal the rest of the world felt, whereas I felt like my world was ending. Alas, it doesn't. Sometimes you cry. Sometimes you laugh. But you never stop.
However, I notice a lot now, almost 2 years later, that some of him lives on in me; the jokes that I tell, the reactions to some events, are from him.
I hope you find peace and remember that they aren't really gone if you let them live on in their own special way.
You should choose when and where to talk about her and her death. See, people who know you will want to know how you are doing and how it all happened, or why you are not yourself lately. Or you hear from someone who doesn't know about your sister who says, "What's up with you these days". You'll feel like you have to tell them, including how you are doing with it. But you don't have to tell them. "I don't want to talk about that" is a perfectly good response. Pick and choose when to talk about it or you are allowing anyone you interact with the power to send you into a tailspin.
People will want to show empathy with you by telling you about the time they went through what they think was something similar. And yes, when the loss is similar, it can be a source of much increased mutual understanding and friendship with him/her. But usually it's more like, 'My grandmother died at age 87 so I know what you are feeling'. As you know, they do not (usually). They are just inexperienced in life. They mean well though. Again, I'd recommend "I don't want to talk about it". Feel free to interrupt early in their story.
Relevant song, from the Flaming Lips' The Soft Bulletin album cited exactly here on HN on a previous thread for an article regarding the loss of a father. Coincidentally it was at the time my dad had a motorcycle accident of which he's still recovering. The feeling of being close to loss was real, and this song, and album, is now loaded with feeling for me.
i have a older sister, and i guess i love her more then my parents, it would be the worth if she was gone. we are separated by five years, and we both in totally different things, but there is this connection between brothers and sisters which are stronger then everything else.
but there is a bad part about my comment, and that was more the intention i make this comment, and i already know i will get a lot of down votes, but: what the fuck has this do to on "HACKER NEWS"? it's not against you personally, but in the last weeks a lot of personal storys filling this page more and more, and i do not like this trend. i'm very ver sorry for this part of my comment! but it is bothering me since weeks.
but in the end i want to say again: i'm sorry for you i have a kind of an idea what it feels like, after my grandma past away 3 years ago.
That said, there will always be exceptions and I'm neither the person nor am I qualified to make such determinations other than to choose to upvote or not.
I do take some opposition to your post, given the context of this thread I think that you could have raised the issue in a politer and less confrontational way. Especially since this was brought to HN by a 3rd party instead of the author.
As an additional side point, one of the HN rules is that "deeply interesting" stories are permitted. Given that OP is one of us I think this qualifies, certainly a few people have found it interesting.
That's how it's hacker news. Now shush and go give him some money to help bury his sister.
"Get support and share with others who have suffered a loss.
Several plans available to support your level of grief:
* Grief Lite: email one person, FREE!
* Grief Pro: email and chat with 5 people, $19.95/month
* Grief Enterprise: unlimited email, chat, and phone
with up to 50 other people: $99.95/month
Developers: REST (in peace) API also available."
I own several translations and have to recommend "The Emperor's Handbook: A New Translation of The Meditations"  most highly.
I still imagine that I'll bump into her one day, as if she never died and she had just gone off to college and gone on an adventure. It sucks, but talking about it, at least for me, does help.