As a parent, I am completely compassionate to your families situation, and obviously I was not referring in any way to you, your son, or your son's condition.
So, while I can understand why that word has a personal sensitivity to you and your situation, I obviously was not directing any of its archaic meaning toward you or your son - so I can't apologize for offending you.
What I can say, is that I appreciate how you simply informed me of the fact that it does hold offense for you and suggested I select a better descriptor, which in the future, I shall do.
Then you entirely got it ... this is an example of how the whole PyCon debacle should have been handled!
I should also note that I hear this frequently, and I'm careful not to "hate" anyone using that term. The word "offended" is a pretty broad word, so it's somewhere between "I'd rather not hear that" and "I challenge you to a duel".
The lessons of the last 24 hours have nothing to do with whether or not someone ought to be offended about something. If anything, we've learned that there is really no effective way to establish, objectively, what is an isn't offensive.
The lesson we learned was how to handle being offended: to challenge the offender directly, find a resolution, without involving an internet mob.
OP did this the correct way, and you reacted with hostility instead.
"Retarded" is a word that the bullied (and their loved ones) have heard all throughout their lives used in a pejorative manner. It is also rarely used IRL in a non-pejorative context, even though the definition exists. For someone to associate the word with its pejorative and insulting context is not at all unreasonable.
Except that in this case, the "player" is the one who's using certain words in a pejorative context, giving the implication that anybody to whom that word applies is somehow lesser because of it.
This is why we don't use the words "nigger", "kike", and "faggot" as insults anymore, why calling somebody a "pussy" or "woman" for not being aggressive or assertive enough is generally frowned upon, and, yes, why casually dropping the word "retarded" like it ain't no thang will get people for whom the word actually means something politely asking you not to use it anymore.
Communication is a two-way street, and it's up to the listener to determine how they interpret the words coming out of your mouth. I'm amused and irritated by how many people get frustrated when they're told that their choice of language bothers somebody. It's like, hey, here's an opportunity to refine how to interface with the world! And a bunch of people see that opportunity and go FUCK NO, I'M TIRED OF HAVING TO DO THINGS, SOMEBODY ELSE JUST STOP BEING OFFENDED OKAY
This is the internet. We use "nigger", "kike", and "faggot" all the time. Because WORDS.
If you think the correct answer is to try to get everyone everywhere to not use whatever subset of words you subjectively find offensive versus just IGNORING THINGS THAT OFFEND YOU, I'm not really sure what to tell you, other than perhaps:
"We" do not use those words. "We" are not part of a single interconnected culture. You might use those words, since from what little contact I've had with you you come across as a narcissistic asshole with little concern for others. But I am not you, and I thank my lucky stars for that.
Many people find the word retard (used that way) to be deeply offensive.
Many other people are not aware of that offence, and also would not like to cause that offence, and once they know that many people find the word so offensive are happy to consider their use of language and find another word.
There are lots of great words to use instead of retard and retarded.
And asking someone to consider their language isn't asking for an Internet pile-on nor asking for anyone to lose their jobs.
Genuine question! Do you believe, sincerely, that there is no good reason to complain about anything? Because, leaving aside the fact that your comment makes you a "complainer of the world", I think there are a lot of things worth saying "not cool" to.
What we should be talking about is where exactly the line is drawn, not whether complainers inherently suck.
People with learning disabilities get pretty lousy treatment from society.
They are subjected to verbal abuse, bullying, sexual abuse, and physical violence, sometimes from the people who are supposed to be providing care for them.[1abcd]
People with learning disabilities suffer poor health outcomes, and those are not all explained by their LD.
People with LD are deprived of their liberty, detained in hospital against their will, without trial. People get caught up in bizarre Kafkesque nightmares.[2] That man was held for a year, with all of his rights ignored.
People with LD are illegally discriminated against in the workplace assuming they can even get a job.
Given all this the pain caused by people carelessly using the word 'retard' trumps your supposed offence at my enabling 'complainers' so I say, politely as I can, FUCK YOU.
See, that's the point. I don't care if you know you are being offensive and want to cause offence. Go ahead. My post was clearly aimed at people who do not know how offensive some words are.
I wouldn't go as far as to say that the lesson learnt recently is "If people get offended at anything it's their fault". If you think that's the case then I've got a Westboro Baptist Church to sell you...
I think the WBC is amusing. I'm deeply saddened by the fact that the top-supported petition on whitehouse.gov is a request for their free speech rights to be curtailed.
I agree. But I wouldn't feel too marvellous telling the mother of a dead serviceman that it was their problem they were offended and that they should just get over it.
Well, "handicapped" means having a condition that hampers your ability to function optimally, whereas "retarded" means backwards, mentally less advanced, stupid. "Retarded" is very obviously the more pejorative term. Personally I avoid using the term "retarded" because of the extremely negative/unpleasant connotations surrounding the use of the term "retard" in our culture. I know that by invoking either of those words I could make people with handicapped loved ones feel uncomfortable. Yes for now the full choice of my vocabulary is curtailed, but it's called consideration, and it makes you and the people around you feel good. In the meantime there's plenty of other enjoyable/juicy/harmless words to use for something you want to criticise.
"Retarded" means slowed, or delayed. The antonym is "advanced". You can retard progress, development, rotation, etc.
It has only become a pejorative term because it's a label with negative connotations when applied to people. "Handicapped" is identical in this way.
Even if you're not sensitive to peoples' feelings about words, one good reason not to use "retarded" is that it makes you sound like a playground bully.
I was concentrating on the pejorative use of the term as relating to criticism of people and/or things. I think its obviously fine to say, for example, "the rotation of the wheel was retarded due to friction".
> Even if you're not sensitive to peoples' feelings about words, one good reason not to use "retarded" is that it makes you sound like a playground bully.
In not wanting to sound like a playground bully aren't exhibiting sensitivity to peoples' feelings?
In Spanish it's "una horquilla" (f.) when you're talking about git, "un tenedor" (m.) would be a fork used for eating. Not sure if that makes it better or worse :)
"Finger my ports" would be far more appropriate.