The "programmer joke" and "programmer cartoon" questions were two of the most highly upvoted questions that have since been removed from the site because they aren't actually programming questions. I created this archive to attempt to preserve some of this early history of Stack Overflow.
Q: How do you obtain a random string?
A: Put a freshman compsci student in front of a vim terminal and tell him to save and quit.
A mathematician, a scientist, and a dean were kidnapped. When their university refused to pay the ransom, the kipnappers announced that they would kill them all, but only after each got his last wish.
The mathematician said he had an elegant alternative proof to the four color theorem and would like to sketch it out. It would only take 1 hour.
The scientist wanted to show his proof that the universe is flat. It would only take 2 hours.
The dean said, "Kill me first."
A Dane, a Swede and a Norwegian are sentenced to death. The Judge asks them if they have any last wishes.
The Dane says: "Eh, could I get a beer?"
The Norwegian says: "I want to make a speech about the injustice of this ruling!"
and the Swede says: "I want to be executed before the Norwegian."
I was sitting in Steve's office when Lynn Takahashi, Steve's assistant,
announced Knuth's arrival. Steve bounced out of his chair,
bounded over to the door and extended a welcoming hand.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Professor Knuth," Steve said.
"I've read all of your books."
"You're full of shit," Knuth responded.
I know a joke about UDP, but you might not get it..
The great thing about TCP jokes is you always get them.
A TCP packet walks into a bar and says, "I want a beer." The bartender asks, "You want a beer?" and the TCP packet says, "Yes, a beer."
This one is obviously better when telling someone in person...
Bartender: can I get you all a drink?
1st logician: maybe
2nd logician: maybe
3rd logician: yes
Follow up: http://mrburkemath.blogspot.com/2011/05/coffee-logic.html
That cartoon must be pretty old...
Dolphin gray: #eeeeee
Psycho killer gray: #fafafa
"Are we supposed to use the same personality on this as we used on the first half?"
(From Gerald Weinberg's The Psychology of Computer Programming)
Q: Why don't jokes work in octal?
A: Because 7 10 11.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 [ate] 9.
The original joke is: "Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9 (seven ate nine)." Obviously the original intent is lost when you use octal.
EDIT: Of course five of us decided to respond at the same time.
Why is the number six afraid?
Greeting from TL.net.
Now, you only need to get the '7 8 9' joke... Don't worry, I took a long time to get it.
7 8 9 is from the old joke where seven ate nine.
He was just following the instructions on the shampoo bottle: 'Lather, rinse, repeat.'
Hey Gabe! Come over here... someone on earth has found a bug in your physics program.
Dear me, I thought I'd fixed that centuries ago.
Oh well, better late than never.
'tappity, clickety, tappity'. 'make; make deploy'
There, that'll do it. Another aeon, another bugfix.
Too long to paste here, but it's stood the test of time.
The person (X) who told this joke told the story of how the joke was received to another Scotchman, thereby making a joke about a joke of the first order, and thus making a joke of the second order.
X remarked on this joke that no joke that no joke could penetrate the head of the Scotchman to whom the joke of the first order was told, even if it were fired into his head with a gun.
The Scotchman, after severe thought, replied: "But ye couldn't do that, ye know!"
X repeated the whole story, which constituted a joke of the third order, to a third Scotchman.
This last Scotchman again, after prolonged thought, replied; "He had ye there!" This whole story is a joke of the fourth order.
(from "The Philosophy of Mr. B-rtr-nd R-ss-ll", by Philip Jourdain)
Also, it's whisky (whiskey is the Irish variant), not scotch.
I thought I felt a disturbance in the source!
And yes you're right, but people often complain about
HN being a humorless void, when it simply isn't true.
One of the tables says, "Normally that would be OK, but we're only here for the view."
An extraverted programmer stares at your shoes when talking to you.
"An extraverted programmer stares at your shoes while talking to you."
I actually had to write a small API to make this compile.
He takes a look at the hacker and says "Ain't ya gonna have a drink?"
The hacker looks back almost offended "Don't you know, drinking is a sin!"
"ACK." Says the bartender, and he walks away.
A: OCT 31 = DEC 25
tail recursion, n. See "tail recursion".
There is also the joke about someone finding a secret NASA lisp program. To prove it he sent the last 40 pages.
(Nice thing about this joke is that you can expand it to base-n)
- Knock Knock.
- Who's there?
- Knock Knock.
- Who's there?
- Knock Knock.
(2b OR NOT 2b)
question= ( to ) ? be : ! be;
If your language had true garbage collection, the compiler would have deleted this program upon execution.
"Does the curley brace go on the first line of the for loop or on the next line?"
Laugh at any opinion given, calling them "silly".
2nd Programmer says: For you I would suggest a "directed acyclic graph".
Chuck Norris invented programming. Why do you think it began with punch cards?
Chuck Norris never gets thread contention; threads cooperate if they want to live.
I attempted to kill -9 Chuck Norris and my keyboard shocked me for my impudence.
Chuck Norris can write Haskell... in assembler.
We don't allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here, says the bartender.
A neutrino walks into a bar.
Other programmer says: I can't tell you where the specs were designed, but be careful, the paper is still hot.