There's no need to go nuclear on them. After all, they might be able to do you a favor one day.
Really, they are absolute fuckers with no consideration for anyone but themselves, and going nuclear is long past due.
Also, this is a bit blaming the victim. My phone is for productive conversations I want to have, not a direct line into my soul for parasites.
I can think of two healthier payout structures. One is for the recruiting company to pay regardless of results and better instruct the recruiter what to do and not do (this would be followed more closely since there would be little incentive to spam.) The other is to retain the firm and pay an earnout for every candidate hired during that period regardless of source, with the understanding that the recruiter must identify the company that is hiring.
Recruiters can be infuriating, so the true cost of the call is the 10 seconds it took for you to hang up on them plus the 15 minutes it takes to calm down. As an example, I hung up on someone yesterday who called right back with this line, "Are you that fast will all your women."
Anyway, the TLDR; version of my trick in the Medium post above is to have a script that's very happy but which leads to you hanging up no matter what response they give you. Somehow that lets me imagine that I'm having a polite conversation regardless of how they try to trap me.
I'm usually super calm, but these calls used to get under my skin and distract me. I can't have that.
I make relatively few cold calls now, as you shouldn't need to once you are established, but that takes time. The problem now is that there are simply too many recruiters in the marketplace (again due to low barrier to entry and high payoff), and contingency recruiting firms are more than willing to pay recent liberal arts majors from mediocre schools pennies to make calls all day (I'm qualified to say this with my Bachelors in Econ from Delaware).
Companies that farm out their work to 20 contingency firms fuel this fire. Find 1-2 good firms, pay them some money up front and make them earn the rest. My fees are much lower than contingency firms, because I'm willing to take less if my client is willing to absorb part of my risk. Contingency firm had 100% risk, retained firm has 0% risk (some variation) - find somewhere in the middle with a recruiter you trust.
If you are a company hiring manager or startup founder, tell recruiters your company works with recruiters at 10% fees - they should stop calling to solicit your business (but may start soliciting your employees, because in a world with finite talent resources, if you aren't a potential client you are a potential source).
If you are being called with opportunities, that is tough to solve, but making a reference on a LinkedIn profile that you are not interested in recruiter contacts should help. I make few cold calls, but always honor that request when I see it. Keep in mind - when I got into the business in 98, before LinkedIn and when you had to really hunt, many people were somewhat rude when called. A few years later when the market went south, these people became much more friendly. Recruiters don't control the job market by any means, and they are having less and less overall influence as an industry every year it seems as technology makes them a little less necessary. Be nice to them the first time, maybe take a second to tell them what they are doing wrong, set a guideline with them (you can ping me every n months)and if they pester you after that, do whatever feels right.