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I started my company in 2003 with one partner thanks to Visa and AMEX.

In 2006 we got bigger and reached to about 40 people working in 4 different countries. The financial crisis of 2008 brought us down (by accelerating the damages of our mistakes) and by December we went down to just 10. It was the most depressing Summer and Winter I've had.

In 2009 I worked for bouts of 50 - 60 straight days trying clear up the unfinished commitments we had with our clients and almost burned me up in the process but we got through.

Things went upward trajectory until early 2011 where the country I am located went through a revolution. Our local customers suddenly couldn't pay on time and we have had majority of our pending new contracts cancelled. My girlfriend of 5 years broke up around the same time and suddenly I stared back at the abyss that I thought I have left behind 2008.

It's been two years since that time and things have gone incrementally worse. It's a drip by drip bloodletting.

These cycles of advances and failures are exhausting. I was supposed to get better at this "be responsible of other people's payroll and livelihood" thing after ten years but I am not.

I still try though - every single day - inch by single fucking inch. I don't know whether this is grit or just denials. It's a close call.

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