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That gave me chills.

I'm constantly impressed by people that have the ability to share their personal life with the world in an honest way that reveals the vulnerabilities we all share as humans. It is so much more refreshing than the opposite, where we pretend our lives are perfect and we never experience moments of doubt or melancholy.

It is rare to see someone make a post like this. This is precisely what makes it so refreshing and beautiful.

I agree with being impressed, but I am not sure the opposite of being able to share is pretending we are perfect. Maybe, it's just being unable to.

My dad passed away eleven months ago, no day goes by without thinking of him, and I may be able to get to the end of this without crying, but I can't manage a blog post.

There's no shame in crying and it is great therapy. When losing somebody close, do cry until your tears run out.

sure, it just makes writing stuff a bit hard :)

My mother committed suicide when I was five years old. She was lost for seven months and I never really understood she was dead until several months had passed. It took years before I actually came to the point where I could cry. Believe me, it is better to embrace the sorrow now and deal with it rather than to keep it within you for the rest of your life.

I too lost my Father, but at a young age (12). Deal with your emotions as you can, and take time for yourself. That is the only advice that I found is portable across different people.

Its been 15 years for me, and it gets easier with time. But recently I hit the 15 year mark and just lost it. For some reason that number was bigger than any year previously. I suspect it had something to do with the fact that I have lived 55% of my life without my father around.

I hope you don't feel bad for not writing a blog post. It is not a requirement at all.

It is a great post.

But let's not fall into the trap of "honest, open sharing" is better than pretending, that pretending is bad, or that either is better than not sharing at all. Lots of people make their lives better by pretending enough so that it becomes so. Lots of people also aren't interested in sharing at all. Lots of what appears to be open honest vulnerability sharing is also posturing and pretending, but it's hard for an outsider to know.

tl;dr- don't judge.

You may be interested in my post from yesterday.


My aunt went through the same situation. She became clinically depressed for several years after going through the IVF process several times. She was on medication and had completely withdrawn from life. It wasn't until they decided instead to adopt a child from Korea that she changed, almost overnight.

After the successful adoption, my aunt completely changed. All she ever wanted was a family and to raise children. Adopting their son from Korea inspired her again. She got off medication and returned to her fun, outgoing self. It was an amazing transformation. They wee both in their mid forties when they decided to adopt.

I'm so sorry for your lose, but please, don't get discouraged and give up on having a family. Consider adoption. There are so many different kinds of adoption available these days and there are so many children in need of good loving families like yours.

If you need more information, DM me and I can go in more detail about their experience.

Damn, This.

There are options available for people that want to have a family, and god knows there are far to many children out there that can really, really use a loving parent or two.

As a father of two I may come off as smug here, but I can tell you that the first year of a child's life is more going through the motions. The following years are really where you can make a difference, and where they certainly make a difference in you.

I seriously hope once they are over their grief period, that couple takes your advice. A child out there could have his life changed forever because of it.

Thanks for sharing. I read it and forwarded it to people whom it was relevant for.

Thanks for sharing. Reading other's stories like this helps me a bit - my fiance had a miscarriage in October and I'm still not 100% sure that I've dealt with it properly.

We are lucky as we have a 1 year old son but we really would love more. My sympathies are with you.

Sharing that was tremendously kind of you. Thank you for sharing it and I am sorry you've had such a horrible year.

I'm sorry. Best wishes for your wife and you.



I can't find a mirror of Mark Pilgrim's blog post from 2010 on losing a friend of 25 years. That haunted me.

EDIT: Here it is: http://web.archive.org/web/20101214221345/http://diveintomar...

It may be refreshing, but people aren't drawn to it. It's the same idea as to why people are drawn to assholes, why people respect someone who speaks their mind more than someone who is a poeple pleaser etc. You speak like this for long enough around people, and they just wont want to be around you.

Every now and then, like you said, it's refreshing.

> It may be refreshing, but people aren't drawn to it.

Really? My feelings on Notch have been greatly elevated by it. It shows an incredibly positive attitude about life.

You and gxs haven't said different things. Being open allows connections to be made. That is what happened here.

After those connections are made, if a large percentage of future communication consisted of these types of messages, it becomes a large burden to the recipient. Obviously Notch's post doesn't come near this.

That isn't to say you can't open up to your friends/family. We need to do that. It is just important that you give as much as you get. My wife is an incredibly open and caring person, and I've seen her get dumped on by people who only give their burdens but are never willing to receive any. That is when sharing becomes selfish.

What you are talking about it marketing and branding.

What Notch is talking about is life.

He's a good writer.

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