Hacker News new | comments | show | ask | jobs | submit login

Disclaimer: Not from the US, but married (~2 years~) and kid (~2 weeks~):

I don't like marriage, as an institution. I'm married, because I'm quite certain that I want to stay with this person, because of tax benefits and a clearly defined situation for offsprings (from 'parental rights' to banal things like 'last name of the little one').

Without that, I couldn't care less about marriage (yes, my wife knows that pov). I'm not religious, so all the reasons for marriage listed there don't apply. Looking at society I think that - depending on the country/region/culture, I guess - marriage lost its meaning.

You might disagree and think that marriage is still an important concept, but in that case I'd argue that divorce shouldn't be ~that easy~. That doesn't mix in my world. The _only_ value of marriage, subjective of course, is the binding vow to stay with someone, period. Reducing that to "Yeah, 'til death or .. something else" is really nonsense, in absolute terms.

I love my wife, but my signature & vow aren't better than a vow I presented her on a random beach in France, with no witnesses.

Ignoring my impression of the value of marriage: Lots of people around me (and my former self certainly as well) seem to be less tolerant. If it's more and more easy to find a new partner (the original article mentions finding people on craigslist..), why would you invest time and energy in this current relationship, that goes through a hard time? The incentive is lowered: You can find people easily (online, offline), society doesn't really care if you were married before in general (certainly not everywhere, but in the western countries I know that's the case) and getting a divorce is ~easy~ (although, potentially nasty/expensive/etc). Why should you work hard to overcome problems in a relationship where a lot of the initial giddy feeling stuff is gone (substituted with something just as good perhaps, if you're happy. But .. in times of crisis you'll probably forget about that)?

Let's get back to the question, shall we? In a word, in my expectation, the reason for a high rate of divorce is:

Lazyness




the reason for a high rate of divorce is: Lazyness

Do you feel the same could be said about non-marriage relationships that end? As someone who is married, I see absolutely no difference between getting divorced now and breaking up with a partner before getting married.


I agree.

But that's kind of my point: What's in a marriage, if not 'stability' or the vow to keep it going? If you agree that this isn't the case anymore for large parts of the world, what's the value or meaning of being married?

Of course non-marriage relationships fail all the time and the very same impatient / lazy outlook on life might be part of the reason. I'm just arguing that marriage was meant to (in culture, religion) be different.


- what's the value or meaning of being married?

I don't think it needs to have any value or meaning.

What is the meaning in, say, receiving a diploma/degree? I've never once looked back and thought, boy, I'm sure glad I have that piece of paper. The education I received remains with or without it. The recognition means absolutely nothing. It is really just an excuse to celebrate something going on in your life.

- I'm just arguing that marriage was meant to (in culture, religion) be different.

There seems to be two schools on this matter:

1. It was once traditionally illegal for mixed-race couples to be together, and marriage provided a licence from the state to allow those relationships on a case-by-case basis.

2. Alternatively, women were once thought to be the inferior gender and were pressured to bend to the wishes of their husband, and the marriage license made that control legally binding to a single entity.

Neither are socially acceptable anymore, thus any historical usage of marriage has been lost.


> Disclaimer: Not from the US, but married (~2 years~) and kid (~2 weeks~):

You have more important things to be doing right now than hang out on HN. Take care of your baby, take care of your wife, and sleep when you have a moment off from those.


Thanks, I appreciate the advice. There are these times when you're totally wasted, tired like hell but still cannot find sleep.

Nexus 7 and HN to the rescue. :)




Guidelines | FAQ | Support | API | Security | Lists | Bookmarklet | DMCA | Apply to YC | Contact

Search: