Learning to program can be hard. It can make you feel stupid. But for me this didn't last long. It threw up a barrier that seemed like I could never break through and then light bulbs began firing. You really just have to spend the time with the code, reading it, trying small stupid things, making stupid mistakes, building off what you have already done. Eventually it begins to make more sense. You find you can do things without having to Google around for answers. At this point you are beginning to internalize the programming language.
What may work against you at 35 is time and patience. It's interesting to see 14 year olds post here proudly over what they have done with programming, yet I feel like 14 year olds have the biggest advantage of anyone. They have summer vacations! Imagine having that long of an uninterrupted block of time to be able to explore whatever you like I'm not impressed when a 14 year old posts something, I'm impressed when a 35 year old with a family and work posts something. ;)
I'd recommend Python, but them I'm pretty biased, having used it since about 2000. If you can give us more of an idea about your background and what you're trying to achieve, I'm sure you'd get a much better response
Scratch (http://scratch.mit.edu) could be a good starting point for you— it's very visual and helps conceptualize programming (loops, instruction blocks, etc.).
If you have background in design/art/illustration/etc., then Processing might be for you— I recommend this book highly:
If you have any specific questions, feel free to send me an email or ping me on Twitter (all info is in my profile)
I enjoy coding. Some of it has to do with having a reasonable level of competence; I'm not straining to understand everything. But there are a lot of areas of programming that I'm not well developed; I'm not able to grasp (as quickly) certain concepts.
There isn't enough said about embracing our limitations. This is goes against the optimism and can-do spirit of the American (or perhaps Western) ethos. But there is something to be learned from knowing oneself, measuring one's strengths and weaknesses, and then leaning into ones strengths.
There will always be the tension between overachieving because you actually have the ability to and being unable to succeed because you were a poor judge of your own skillset.
I don't know if you'll be able to acquire the skill of programming. Certainly age has very little to do with being able to acquire this skill. I myself have sat down and personally tried to help others to learn this skill. I've found that it isn't because of a lack of desire to learn. I remember starting with fundamentally simple models and then trying to connect it to the abstractness that is represented on a computer screen. It's very difficult for certain minds to make this connection. Or perhaps it was the lack of skill of the teacher.
In any case, I do hope you will be able to acquire this skill. I would also encourage you, though, to make an inventory of the skills you do have, the things you are good at already. Maybe putting more time in to things you are good at would be more fulfilling. Be true to yourself and remember that your ability to program has nothing to do with who you are as a person. I forget this sometimes.
As an alternate view - you might like to consider that some people seem to have an aptitude for programming but that most people do not. In the early days of the industry when computer training opportunities and even computing time was limited and expensive businesses went to a lot of trouble to test for that aptitude. Those tests were probably crude but in my experience rarely wrong (I can remember one notable exception).
Anecdotally, I found that good sales people had just about zero programming aptitude (there is also a strong case for the inverse being true). Certainly this is not an issue with intelligence - lots of very intelligent people cant program although a measure of intelligence is required to be a programmer.
I am a professional developer for all of 1 month now, and when I started to learn and really dive in so that I could get a job, I wanted to give up every day and it sucked. I never could figure anything out.
But guess what? That is exactly how talent is built it. You only learn as you push or self to figure stuff out. You're probably doing the right things, but if you've never programmed before you probably have a lot of building to do before you 'get it'.
Programming is like that. The bits and processes are different but the overall concept is similar. As petercooper suggested, hire a tutor or attend some introductory course. A competent teacher should be able to identify where your stumbling block is and present the material in terms that fit with your cognition processes.
there are also many free material on the internet. Start with this first and the use java in parallel with a second reading. Just buy a cheap black and white laserjet.
Good luck, success is imminent.