I'd tell you a UDP joke…

[redmattred]

https://www.codepuns.com/post/805294580859879424/i-would-tell-you-a-udp-joke-but-you-might-not-get

[LeoPanthera]

"Hi, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."

"Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"

"Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke."

"OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke."

"Ok, I will hear a TCP joke."

"Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?"

"Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke."

"Ok, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline."

"Ok, I am ready to get your TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have an explicit setting, and ends with a punchline."

"I'm sorry, your connection has timed out. Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?"

[Izmaki → LeoPanthera]

This one is the only one among the 10+ I browsed through on the website and read in the comments that actually made me laugh. Good one! Thanks for sharing. :)

[karmakurtisaani → Izmaki]

Yeah most of those "jokes" boil down to taking a common programming keyword and using it in a sentence.

[dmurray]

I was asked in an interview to explain the difference between TCP and UDP.

I knew about enough to fill an index card: enough for an adequate interview answer, but not enough that I would relish getting follow-up questions.

While deciding what to say I started with this joke. The interviewer laughed and moved on to the next question. I got the job offer.

[divbzero]

Or alternatively:

> I would UDP joke tell you a… but you get it might not.

[Neywiny → divbzero]

Or alternatively:

> I would UDP joke tell you a… but you get it might not.

[kuekacang → divbzero]

> A UDP joke I would tell you... but you might get it not

[ericcumbee]

An SQL Query walks into a bar and sees two table....he says "Mind if I join you?"

[bigstrat2003]

I can tell you a DNS joke, but be aware that it might take 8 hours for everyone to get it.

[cylemons → bigstrat2003]

DNS is slow? or you mean domain updates

[w-ll → cylemons]

I've updated the joke, refresh on your end.

[CPLX]

I'd share my joke about HTTP here, but it makes me feel insecure.

[layer8 → CPLX]

200 OK

[lsc4719 → CPLX]

Mix it with TLS joke

[spiffytech]

I used this during a "geeky jokes" icebreaker at work. No one got the joke so I just sounded condescending. Lesson learned.

[blorenz]

This was out of order.

[redmattred → blorenz]

Well played

[omoikane]

This looks like a tumblr site, which means you can get all the content on one page instead of having to page through them one at a time:

https://www.codepuns.com/archive

[redmattred → omoikane]

That’s correct

[travisd]

packets udp bar walk a into

[kachapopopow → travisd]

ok this might sound crazy, but at first I completely missed the joke because it automatically rearranged the entire sentance into udp packets walked into a bar. I wonder how that works psychologically.

[jbotz → kachapopopow]

You don't read a word at a time... every typical line of text is taken in with 2 or 3 eye focal points and the meaning of each group of words is determined in a single chunk. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saccade#Reading

[lostlogin → kachapopopow]

> I completely missed the joke because it automatically rearranged the entire sentance into udp packets walked into a bar.

Same here.

[bitwize → travisd]

2 FORTH PROGRAMMERS BAR INTO WALK

[senthil_rajasek]

Here is an ICMP joke,

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Thank you

[redmattred → senthil_rajasek]

If you want to hear a great ICMP joke just ping me

[burnt-resistor → senthil_rajasek]

Failed to shout it loud enough to make an echo. It TTL'ed 3 hops away.

[yencabulator]

The bad thing about reliable multicast jokes is that you're asked to repeat them.

[memset]

In the same vein, here are some goodies:

- Jon Skeet facts: https://meta.stackexchange.com/questions/9134/jon-skeet-fact...

- Chuck Norris facts: http://www.betterprogramming.com/chuck-norris-programming-fa...

[wizzwizz4 → memset]

Bruce Schneier Facts: https://www.schneierfacts.com/

[Zobat]

There's two hard problems in programming. Naming things, cache invalidation and off by one errors.

[mlhpdx]

There are two kinds of people when it comes to UDP.

[lucb1e → mlhpdx]

Which are those?

Btw, it reminds me of "10 kinds of people, those who understand binary and those who don't"

[fragmede → lucb1e]

There are 11 kinds of people that understand binary. Those that understand binary, those that don't understand binary, and those that understand grey code.

[d34th0rl1f3 → lucb1e]

those who get it, and ...

[lucb1e → d34th0rl1f3]

Ah, right! :D

[0ldblu3]

The wording I use is "I have a great UDP joke I could tell you... but I don't know if you'll get it".

[charcircuit]

You can't guarantee delivery of any message. This is the basis of the 2 generals problem.

[Polizeiposaune]

IP UDP we all P for TCP

[DonHopkins → Polizeiposaune]

IBM, UBM, we all BM for IBM!

[blacklion]

There was list of such jokes for 40+ protocols, past and present, but I cannot find it anymore, only small part on different blogs and forums :(

[zamadatix → blacklion]

This may not be the exact one you were thinking of but very similar kind of collection: https://attrition.org/misc/ee/protolol.txt

[irishcoffee]

I think I prefer the punchline “I don’t expect you to get it, and it’s not a big deal if you don’t, happens to everyone”

[yencabulator]

The great thing about TLS jokes is that you can tell if it's not original.

[kmoser]

What did one broke programmer say to the other?

"Hey, buddy, can you paradigm?"

[burnt-resistor]

Put a cork in it.

[effnorwood]

but ICMP took my beer

[Gibbon1]

ght get it liYou mike this though

[MarkusWandel]

"get not you might it but"

[damnitbuilds]

Did I get it ?

Ulster says NO! :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ulster_Democratic_Party

https://youtu.be/M1sCNdfMMZA?t=19