I think it's about tone; it feels patronizing to me as well. "How does this approach handle {problem}?" is very socratic. You're asking a question meant to make them reconsider their idea in a very round about way. I think that actually comes off as assuming you're right in this conversation. I would imagine the person asking me that is being a snobby asshole showing off how intelligent they are. It's on the other person to try and piece together your wisdom you've delivered in cryptic socratic whataboutisms.
If two doctors are having a conversation about a treatment, do you think they have these roundabout conversations or do they just say "No, his liver is shot, he can't take that." We're professionals too. We should have enough mutual respect for each other to be upfront.
> "How does this approach handle {problem}?" is very socratic. You're asking a question meant to make them reconsider their idea in a very round about way. I think that actually comes off as assuming you're right in this conversation. I would imagine the person asking me that is being a snobby asshole showing off how intelligent they are.
Alternatively, the questioner might not have your context on the situation and they might sincerely want to know if you've considered the problem they're asking about.
"Not sure, but I'll look into that" is an acceptable answer most of the time.
By not asking a question. “I think this won’t work because {reasoning}”. I’m fine being told that. If you’re working with level headed people, that starts a two way respectful conversation.
Honestly that’s just my mileage I guess. Maybe it depends on everyone’s own personal attachment to their ideas, but if someone thinks I’m about to pull the footgun trigger, I want them to tell me that.
If they’re right, they saved my foot.
If they’re wrong, I show them that the safety is on, and we go on.
Getting all “well what is it you expect to accomplish with that? Is this aligned with the incentives of the team? If there was a safety would it be on, hypothetically?” just serves to muddy the message and come off “smarter than thou”. I’d call it manager speak.
If two doctors are having a conversation about a treatment, do you think they have these roundabout conversations or do they just say "No, his liver is shot, he can't take that." We're professionals too. We should have enough mutual respect for each other to be upfront.