2001 - Anders Hejlsberg invents C#. C# is a relatively verbose, garbage collected, class based, statically typed, single dispatch, object oriented language with single implementation inheritance and multiple interface inheritance. Microsoft loudly heralds C#'s novelty."
Hands down epic definition win.
1972 - Dennis Ritchie invents a powerful gun that shoots
both forward and backward simultaneously. Not satisfied
with the number of deaths and permanent maimings from
that invention he invents C and Unix.
I'm convinced that this list will one day be fed recursively into a prolog console and become skynet.
1958 - John McCarthy and Paul Graham invent LISP. Due to high costs caused by a post-war depletion of the strategic parentheses reserve LISP never becomes popular. In spite of its lack of popularity, LISP (now "Lisp" or sometimes "Arc") remains an influential language in "key algorithmic techniques such as recursion and condescension".
 Fortunately for computer science the supply of curly braces and angle brackets remains high.
 Catch as catch can - Verity Stob: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/01/11/exception_handling/
1983 - Bjarne Stroustrup bolts everything he's ever heard of onto C to create C++.
For example, it says that Rasmus Lerdorf got the idea for PHP at a neighbourhood Italian restaurant, but Qeqertarsuaq has no Italian restaurants.
1) did not mention Clojure.
2) broke the amusing narrative a bit in the middle by including a true story (Perl).
Really funny otherwise.
(you forgot the GOTO :)
"Mental pleasure are never cloy; unlike those of the body, they are increased by repetition, approved by reflection, and strengthened by enjoyment."
- Nathaniel Cotton
No do as you will with me cruel world. You can take away my karma and even my upvote, but you can't take away my dignity.
(On the other hand, if the down votes were for recommending GOTO instead of GOSUB, then this is completely understandable.)
HN would be just a little bit better without these "lets do the comment party again" threads.
"Later still, in an effort to cash in on the popularity of skin diseases the language is renamed ECMAScript."
UPDATE: I've submitted this comment as a question here: http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3505201
Since we're all tossing out our favorite lines, I'll nominate the Prolog entry. I know nothing about Prolog but it still gives me a laugh on every read. His goal is to create a language with the intelligence of a two year old. He proves he has reached his goal by showing a Prolog session that says "No." to every query.
10 PRINT "<rude message here>"
20 GOTO 10
20 GOTO 10
2003 - A drunken Martin Odersky sees a Reese's Peanut Butter
Cup ad featuring somebody's peanut butter getting on
somebody else's chocolate and has an idea. He creates Scala,
a language that unifies constructs from both object oriented
and functional languages. This pisses off both groups and
each promptly declares jihad.
The Information: A History, a Theory, a Flood
Great detailed historical perspective and lots of aha moments.
Sadly, the records of much of which were probably lost with the library of alexandria.
No wonder it is being served by a 'server'! :)