One thing that has changed about dance etiquette these years is that saying no to a dance is much more common. Not only more common - but now immediately saying yes to someone else is also quite common.
Someone you don’t enjoy dancing with asks you to dance? You say no and then someone else you like to dance with asks then you say yes. It’s very common these days.
It is definitely an ego blow for many guys (since guys still do the overwhelming majority of asking) but what isn’t in our modern society - lol.
Often the reasons for saying no to someone have become increasingly superficial (I don’t find them attractive, I don’t dance with Indian men(this happens in SV a good amount), etc.) and I find that’s just more indicative of our general culture at large. (Swiping on apps seems to have infiltrated social dancing too)
Social dancing is mostly a dying trend - especially among the youth. It’s something I really only see people in their 30s and up doing. It used to be a majority under 30 activity for a lot of types of dance but that’s rare to see these days - even for the most athletic of dances like lindy hop.
Pro-tip for geeks: If someone asks you to dance, You. Say. Yes. It's usually doesn't matter if you don't dance well. Go out there. Have fun. It'll be fine. :)
And if the person seems to show interest in you, don't withdraw because it feels awkward and you want to think about it - or you 40 years-old future self will want to get back in time to kick your sorry 19 years old ass. Dive in, go with the flow, see where it goes !
(Written from a privileged heterosexual male geek perspective... I suspect that others might evaluate my take as pushing the innocent towards reckless endangerment)
Did you read the text at all? There are plenty of reasons someone might not want to dance at any one moment and it goes through which you can explicitly say within the bounds of etiquette and how to specifically conduct yourself. The text is quite likely from some kind of ballroom dance community, but should work quite well when extrapolated to the outside world.
If you're as likely to be made into a meme as you are to win the lottery.
If you stop yourself from doing things because someone might think you look silly, then you're going to end up living a very dull life.
And if it does happen then embrace it, if you own it then no one can make you feel bad about it.
What I've learned about social skills is that recovering from your mistakes confidently, usually by being the first one to point them out, take a jab at them, or ignore them (unless they impact someone else then apologize and move on), is the #1 social skill.
By acting awkward about mistakes you make others FEEL awkward and that's what causes social rejection/teasing (not bullying that usually is different).
> For that reason, dance etiquette strongly encourages everyone to dance with many different partners.
There are a couple of cases to watch out for. I was once at a VFW hall for New Year's Eve, which had a dance. Some were "dancers", as in people who go to dance events and follow the above rule. Some were VFW people, who were there for the New Year's Eve, and weren't part of the above dance culture. Husbands danced with wives.
Similarly, I've been at events in New Mexico where when asking older/married Hispanic women, at a club with a local New Mexican band and with New Mexican cultural tradition instead of the above "dancer" tradition, where the husband may need to part of the decision. It was odd, after I got married, to have someone check with me first before asking my wife (it was all visual, and at a distance - we'd known each other for years).
> By the same token, going to a social dance demonstrates a desire to dance socially.
My point is there are different types of social dance cultures. This list seem to be for people going to dance events that are more associated with dance courses. The advice for going to a Latin venue doesn't match my experience dancing salsa or merengue in New Mexico.
> being repeatedly declined can be a signal. In that case, it is a good idea to examine one's dancing and social interactions to see if anything is wrong.
I once went to a salsa club in Stockholm. I got 4 noes in a row, which I made me feel down for about 18 hours. I went back to Gothenburg, where I had been for about 6 months. People there were glad to see me on the dance floor, and said it was big city snobbishness.
> Avoid patterns that your partner cannot do:
Also, avoid patterns you cannot do. I've seen beginner leads who want to do a fancy move but end up twisting their partner's arms uncomfortable ways.
The etiquette varies by the scene and the country. For example, here in Finland, in the traditional social dances, women stand in line, and men choose who they want to dance with.
Interesting read. Quite depressing though in the context of countries where there used to be a healthy youth dance culture for decades in big clubs, which now appears to be dead.
Dancing and respect for dance etiquette seems to now be sidelined to niche events and nostalgic people reliving their youth.
While popular "dance" events still exist, standing in a packed crowd holding your phone up to film the DJ is not dancing.
Go to scheduled dance events at local dance studios. They're usually poorly publicized and so hard to find, but if you find one you can ask the people there about other regular events, Facebook groups where they announce them, etc. They'll usually be focused on a specific type of partner dancing (swing, ballroom, latin, blues, etc.). There's usually lessons beforehand, even for brand-newbies. Before COVID and other life events I went to these multiple times per week, and I can't recommend it enough.
They exist, but they are more and more niche and hence pushed out into unattractive venues. I've been dancing salsa for 10+ years and I am more and more disappointed by the this. I want to go out and dance in a club where party vibes are in the air, where people have fun and show off. However, local salsa events in my area happen in schools, community halls, fitness studios, etc. If they have dim lights and decent AC, I call it a win.
While these still exist - the point of the OP was that they’re in great decline compared to what they were.
They’re also much older crowds than what they used to be. It’s almost exclusively 30s+ at social dances these days - with much of the crowd being past 50.
I remember when the college aged crowd was the main driver of dancing attendance. That crowd is almost all gone.
> standing in a packed crowd holding your phone up to film the DJ is not dancing
True, but you can dance nevertheless and be the example, start the fun. I've been that person trying to find other dancers in that environment and they exist. They are usually at the front rocking out against the stage, or near big speakers, or around the back/sides of the crowd where it has thinned out and they have space to move.
There are alternative nights at clubs, less popular nights at clubs, smaller shows (local bands) with plenty of room, after-parties of arts-related events, ... I once went to the after party of Vancouver Folk Music Festival volunteers, and it was a different planet, felt like cheating compared to how difficult it can be to find like minded dancers.
> While popular "dance" events still exist, standing in a packed crowd holding your phone up to film the DJ is not dancing.
Sounds like you're hitting up the wrong clubs :) My Dominican friends occasionally take me out for some bachata and it's very fun! And usually packed with people in their 20's.
There are also loads of people dancing at hip-hop events, although that's a very different sort of dance, heh. Still very fun though, if you're into that sort of thing.
And, even as a straight person, gay clubs are some of the danciest, wildest parties around.
(But I suspect much of this thread has people saying "dance" to only mean traditional ballroom/swing/etc)
Many dance communities have dropped gendered roles and it's fun to learn and dance both. The folk dances seemed to migrate first and it's pretty common in most dances I've been to (contra, ceili, square, lindy, blues/fusion, waltz, salsa rueda). Other styles and locales have been a bit slower, mostly on the locale side. In gender-free dances there's now a quick negotiation around lead/follow preferences when first asking someone to dance.
It would be nice if all the adoration around shows like Downton Abbey, the Crown, Jane Austen-type shows, etc led to a revival of dinner and dance etiquette. I’m not seeing it
Someone you don’t enjoy dancing with asks you to dance? You say no and then someone else you like to dance with asks then you say yes. It’s very common these days.
It is definitely an ego blow for many guys (since guys still do the overwhelming majority of asking) but what isn’t in our modern society - lol.
Often the reasons for saying no to someone have become increasingly superficial (I don’t find them attractive, I don’t dance with Indian men(this happens in SV a good amount), etc.) and I find that’s just more indicative of our general culture at large. (Swiping on apps seems to have infiltrated social dancing too)
Social dancing is mostly a dying trend - especially among the youth. It’s something I really only see people in their 30s and up doing. It used to be a majority under 30 activity for a lot of types of dance but that’s rare to see these days - even for the most athletic of dances like lindy hop.