Warning: This is a very American opinion so know that I realize that many people don't feel this way.
If my kid is 18 and living at home, I have some say in the life. If they want 0 say, they can find their own way. Obviously, I don't give a rat's ass that my 18 year old games becasue as long as they have a healthy lifestyle, I'm glad they're enjoying themselves but if they're starting to become a hermit and losing friends, not working, not taking care of their health, etc, then they're going to have some pressure from me.
You don't get to live off the teet and also not listen at all.
The way this is phrased makes it sound unreasonably judgmental, all stick and no carrot. If anyone had spoken to me like this at 18 I'd have been furious. There's not a word of how you might help the kid be less of a hermit, lose less friends, find a job, take care of themselves. Just "some pressure". Who do you think is responsible for the kid being the way they are? Thanks for prefacing it with a warning, I'm wishing I hadn't disregarded it.
> There's not a word of how you might help the kid be less of a hermit, lose less friends, find a job, take care of themselves.
I understand your comment and I just want to say that my comment is assuming we're past that point that you're talking about. I didn't want to write an article. Some kids can be stubborn. Anecdote: My great grandma tried that with my great uncle (all carrot) and he lived in her basement playing videos games until he died of a heart attack. I thought he had the best life because he got to be lazy, but it didn't server him very well. The end. Being a pushover and being considerate is a very fine line that is easy to fuck up.
I'm not saying you should only give out carrots, either. I just think assuming the responsibility lies on the kid to behave correctly doesn't make sense.
Spot on! I have a kid roughly that age who plays VGs. As long as he works, has a plan for his life (school) , helps around home and spends time with friends (face to face), he can play VGs. VGs actually gives me leverage if he doesn't something wrong. If he's living at home, I have some say so in his life. I encourage him to stay home, at least for the next few years. For him, he saves money and life is easier (eats well, laundry, etc), and for me, I get to help form him in a critical part in his life.
Assuming the adult(child) is not contributing financially to living expenses, the child has no right to an internet connection, electricity, room & board, usage of any equipment that they do not own, etc. So while the parent has no right to tell their adult child what to do with their time, the adult child has no right to free resources.
If the 18 year old is not self-supporting (ie lives at home, does not pay own expenses) the parent has every right to make restrictions on how the child spends their time.
Nope, no and never.. They are an adult person, not a thing you own.
Certainly you have the right to expect some participation in the household, chores, standards of cleanliness, safety, noise etc, just as you would any other person living under your roof (boarder etc).
You no longer have the right to define their schedule, gender, religion or personal preference. In short they have the right to make their own mistakes, you can try to guide, but you can no longer enforce, beyond inviting them to leave your home. I would suggest that you may want to compromise and keep your ability to influence and guide, rather than giving them the boot and forcing them into the world.
A major aspect of parenting teenagers is about establishing boundaries and instilling an appreciation of consequences. I was simply pointing out that if the adult teenager plays the "it's my computer" / "it's my life" card, then the parents have cards they can play.
Letting a child, adult or otherwise, play video games 8 hours a day, is not going to have a positive outcome for the child. I have great sympathy. We were very permissive parents and our kids were not in a good space, mid-teens. We now have much better relationships with our kids, and they with each other. Fortunately we could afford counseling, coaching and group coaching. Establishing boundaries and consequences was step one.
