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Nicely written, although I have to say I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it. Exhausting at times, yes, but nothing that gets me angry. As for my old life - maybe I wasn't partying hard enough, because I don't really miss it that much.

OK, it is terrifying, but not because the kid is a terrorist. It is terrifying because life suddenly has you by the guts. I guess I cared a little about my own survival before, but now I really want to survive to be able to be there for my kid, and I definitely want my kid to survive. Suddenly life has gained a whole new dimension.




> I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it

It depends on your partner a lot. If your partner stays home, doesn't mind if you travel 50% of the time, or allows you to arrive home late from work (after 6) every night, it's just a completely different ball game.

Having NOT lived in that situation and splitting child care responsibility 50-50, I've found the adage "you can't serve two masters," is true for me. Either my business or my kids will suffer, even with 50-50.

So I've decided to allow the business to suffer, which means I don't create situations where I'll let down 3rd parties (investors, customers) due to my limited, erratic schedule (9a-5p and 8p-11p M-F, with random days off when day care shuts down or early departures from the office for 3:30p day care pickup).

But I only have the luxury of doing this because I sold my last company before we had kids. My advice to entrepreneurs who plan to have kids: find a partner who wants to take primary responsibility for child care (or hire an awesome full-time nanny) so you can put as much as you need to into your business. OR save enough money to be able to bootstrap and be available to your kids as much as they need you.


True enough, and I don't even have enough money yet to see all this with peace of mind. But still, I can't help thinking: I am not Steve Jobs, so it is an easy decision (what I do is not that earth shattering atm). My business is not really that important, as long as I make enough to put food on the table.

Also grandparents help, money helps. If you have money, I suppose you could also hire a babysitter.


As I have learned, there is such a thing as easy babies and hard babies. I lotteried a hard one, and our friend landed an easy one. It's really unfair, but that's just how it goes.

If you had an easy one, don't expect that all are equal if you ever decide to have another one. ;)


I've seen what you're talking about with easy vs. hard. We were lucky enough to have an easy baby. Yet I found the first few weeks very tough as I have higher than normal sleep requirements. By the end of week one I had trouble staying awake during the day, and was not able to return to normal functioning until a grandma came to help out for a couple weeks.

My son will be 7 in a few months. This age is way easier than the first few weeks . . . not hard at all really and filled with lots of fun times.


Same here.. our baby has been pretty easy once we got past the first couple weeks. He's 3 months old, and sleeps 9+ hours straight at night, he almost never screams unless there's a reason, etc. I kind of worry that we're going to think, "oh, babies are easy!" and the next one (if there is a next one) will turn out to be terribly hard, but....

Also totally agree about "caring for your own survival". Not that I didn't before, but it's suddenly so much clearer.


> I guess I cared a little about my own survival before

After kids, I suddenly became much more conscious of my mortality than I ever had been. Intellectually, we all know we die. But seeing my kids, I suddenly internalized this fact much more. Perhaps it's the thought of the things I won't be around to see or help with once I'm gone.


I guess I cared a little about my own survival before, but now I really want to survive to be able to be there for my kid...

Exactly how I feel.

Nicely written, although I have to say I don't find having a baby quite as horrible as most other parents seem to find it. Exhausting at times, yes, but nothing that gets me angry.

Wait, it'll come!


"Wait, it'll come!"

Granted, it will probably come. But I wonder if it will really make me angry. I fully expect that at some point my child will try to test my limits - it's basically his job. But knowing it is what he has to do, maybe it won't really make me angry. We'll see.

On the other hand, I wonder if the time aspect won't become better over time. Right now we have to watch the baby all the time to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. But there will be the time when he can play by himself of with friends. Of course by then there are also a lot more things we could do with him, which might induce us to spend more time with him in turn.


I don't know how old your kid is, but my little girl is 2 in a few weeks and she sure as hell tests my limits.

I am a VERY laid-back person. I don't believe that kids exist purely to manipulate us, and I do believe that a lot of what some people think is "misbehaving" is just a kid's learning journey (exploring emotions, boundaries etc) but even so... wow. I've found patience I never knew I had.




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