I have been struggling with terms like friend, close friends and ‘people I know’ for a long time now. I have all of those for my definitions but the definitions for these are wildly different for different people. Like ‘I invited my closest 1000 friends to my wedding’ to ‘I don’t have 1 close friend’. In both camps I have seen that in the former people have 3-5 close friends, 10-20 friends and the rest are acquaintances if using my definitions; in the latter exactly the same when using my definitions. I have been wondering for decades what makes you happiest; my current definitions make me happy and both other ways would make me unhappy but I find the subject matter interesting, also because I am apparently an exception who makes new ‘best’ friends after 40 and removes others because circumstances changed.
Counterpoint: I know someone who has a 1000+ friends and they've always maintained contact with basically EVERYONE. I always took note of this because I am very selective, but I honestly see her interacting with hundreds of people daily on social media, so I know she probably literally does have 1000+ people who would consider her a friend. I also know people who went to schools in Los Angeles and have literally hundreds of friends, but again not all super close. I think your friend network is more of a function of how many people you are introduced to and in close proximity with and how outgoing you are.
Being among a person's social media contacts seems like about the shallowest definition of "friend" that there is. It's not much different from getting birthday cards from your financial advisor or insurance agent.
I would not call those friends though: hence my original comment. What makes a friend a friend? For me 'interacting daily on social media' means very little. What would these people do for you and you for them? But it is all about definition: for me close friends would basically die for you and vice versa and friends would go above and beyond to help you out when in need. Nothing has to be about money, but it is easy as example; would your friends front you (whatever amount) when you need it? Mine would. Close friends would give a kidney. But again: that is how I feel. I know these people who have 1000 friends, maintain contact etc but none of them would lift a finger, even in a basic case like 'I really need a heart to heart right now!' 'Sorry, I am busy' type of thing. That is not a friend and defo not a close friend.
> but none of them would lift a finger, even in a basic case like 'I really need a heart to heart right now!
I need hearth to hearth right now is not really basic case. It is quite ask and it is OK to truthfully answer that you are busy. Basic case is "I need to borrow a tool sometimes next week" or "I need help with X, if youbcan please tell me when it suits you".
And quite a lot of very sociable people with a lot of friends will in fact respond to these.
> Basic case is "I need to borrow a tool sometimes next week" or "I need help with X, if youbcan please tell me when it suits you".
Sorry but people who I met 1 time will do that. That has nothing to do with friendship for me. I keep mentioning that this is probably different for different people. But that (borrow tools or help out with whatever) really is something literally everyone, even complete strangers, do here.
Maybe a close friend is someone who you can confide in about an icky physical or mental condition, like a genital wart or clinical depression?
With material comfort and at the stage of life I am in, it is less likely to need your friend's help whereas in the past, simply providing monetary help to someone in distress was a good indicator of a reliable friend.
So I agree and disagree. I wouldn't call this person a close friend--it's someone I went to school with and spent time growing up with. She lives in another state. She's a friend as in someone who if I saw them I would talk to them and they wouldn't be a stranger or mere acquaintance. I have only a handful of close friends and I am not someone with hundreds of superficial friends, but I think there are some people who do make an enough of an effort to stay in contact and be nice towards enough people over time to have 1000+ friends--even if not super close any longer.
