| I'm 20. Never finished high school, did several years of classes at community colleges I took just for fun (mostly art, science, and math). I really just breathed through most of my classes there, and usually would come stoned, just to hangout (and still end up passing classes most of the time). Somehow college seemed like a better alternative to sitting at home watching stupid movies. Worked as a software engineer (Flash/C++) for some time, then was like "fuck it", quit, started freelancing/studying art. Now, I don't know what to do. My lack of degree or specialization makes me feel like I have less of an identity. I don't know what to put in my Facebook profile. I always feel like a drug-addled high-school drop-out, who burned his mind so much he'll end up homeless on the street. Like one of those crazy people who talk about aliens all the time, and such. But then I remember I actually worked recently, and still am able to catch freelance positions, and live without parents' support, and I'm like "whoa, I'm sooo far from a homeless drug-addict and I'm only 20". I just.. I don't know. Ever since I quit my job I feel like I've lost direction in life and just stumble aimlessly, drawing things, coding JavaScript/C++ for clients that never pay, and generally asking myself "what the fuck am I going to be when I'm 30". I'm probably a bit of an oddball, hence why I can't understand what will happen to me. Am I going to be in jail? But why, I don't deal drugs, or kill people, or drive drunk. Am I going to be dead? Probably not. Am I going to be married? I don't know. I guess it's hard to see into the future, but I kind of wish there was more stability in my life. Is everybody like this or is it just me? PS. Oh, common, no one notices I put "jail, dead, married" in one comparison? :) |
Next, get a job. It sounds like your life needs some structure and distraction from your own thoughts. I'm not suggesting this job should be your life's purpose, just enough to give you something to focus on besides yourself.