Hello HN.
Thanks for clicking. I hope I won't waste your time.
It's been some time since I've been struggling with depression. But something else happened for the last two months. I quit my job due to burnout. I couldn't handle the stress anymore and I felt it was a really toxic place.
Fast forward today... I'm still depressed and I still retained many addictions (porn, internet, smartphone, eating at late hours, excessive amounts of coffee) I have developed during this pandemic and working from home.
I still need to get a job eventually, but my brain doesn't let me have a break. I just feel guilty most of the time. If I try to sleep in the afternoon I still wake up panicked about where my life is going.
I tried practicing leetcode lately but I tend to panic and have feelings of guilt when I don't seem to know something trivial. I feel like I've become just a dumber version of myself while having a salary.
For the last 5 years I've been coding in C++. I simply don't want to see CMake anymore. I feel like I missed a lot of exciting stuff in other fields such as Data Science, ML, Cloud computing while I was just looking at compiler flags and treating signals, not even doing embedded, just system programming. I've been looking into Python and Go lately for a change, but I don't feel any real motivation.
Thanks for reading. I really could use some advice. I'm sorry if I wasted your time.
Eat breakfast when you get up, lunch around noon and dinner at 18:00, even if the meals are just small ones. Healthy food is better, but it’s the schedule that’s important.
Try to do the housework as you notice it. See a dirty dish? Clean it right away. See dirt on the floor? Vacuum it. But do it in small bursts where you don’t exhaust yourself. It’s perfectly fine to just vacuum the parts where you noticed the dirt and not the entire room for instance.
Try to keep your mind on whatever your doing. If you’re vacuuming you’re vacuuming. You’re not vacuuming while thinking about your finances.
Take a long walk each day, preferably in nature. Figure out which time is the least stressful for you. For some it’s morning, others it’s evenings, and others it’s not the same time each day but changing.
Stop worrying about your future. Whenever you get the dark and worried thoughts, tell yourself that things will work out. (This bit is going to feel stupid until it doesn’t).
Take some time out each day to give yourself compliments, possibly in front of a mirror. (This bit is asleep going to feel stupid until it doesn’t).
Don’t beat yourself up if you go days without doing any of these things, or anything in general. It’s perfectly ok to have “non-days”, especially when you’re depressed.
All of these things are hard to learn, and learning them and staying motivated with them while they are not working is easier if you get therapy.