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Did you tame the ego via meditation? If not what other method? Curious about the path that lead to depersonalization. It’s discussed in meditation circles as a fear some have, but really, many monks and “enlightened” are interesting characters eg. Shinzen Young



I've experienced depersonalization because of meditation, and I didn't even know that: (1) what depersonalization was and (2) that it could be cultivated by meditation.

I immediately stopped meditating all together and slowly got my sense of self back. Since then I only briefly meditate when I feel I can use the benefits of it (e.g. enhanced emotional perception or more focus etc.).


It was mostly an ad hoc CBT approach. I spent more time introspecting my motivations, and if I decided I was doing something mainly for ego gratification, I'd stop. At first, that left very little. As I said earlier, programming was out, also most gaming and working out, watching sports, pretty much anything that generated dopamine. I spent a huge amount of time listening to comedy podcasts, and the rest reading. Eventually, though, a big positive was opening up more mental space for my partner, whom I'm sad to say I neglected pretty badly during my working days. After that, I spent more time with a local community group, and, yes, puttering around the house making home improvements.

I actually did try joining a meditation group, but I had a very bad time. I have a loud and constant inner monologue, but when I calmed my thoughts, all I experienced was primal negative emotion. Some mixture of shame and terror. I don't mean this literally, but it felt like a demon was trying to posses my mind. The instructor was a very nice person, but not a professional, so maybe I could have had a better time with a better guide.

Finally, I've stopped trying so hard to suppress my ego. I'm very curious what living in a society that supports low ego would be like, but the one I live in doesn't. Ego has many used (especially in a corporate setting, it's a tremendous asset), and the experiences of ego and dopamine are part of the richness of life, even if, when viewed at a society level, they often seem so dysfunctional and defector-ish.


Very interesting. I know that most of the things I do are ego driven, but it’s so ingrained in society It’s tough to let go of.

For meditation I worry your teacher or the type may have been a bad fit. Meditation teachers I follow encourage looking for joy and savoring the sweet feelings of being in the moment. It feels comparable to enjoying a beautiful sunset.




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