Yeah, OP pointed out that he started drifting away from many of his friends because they were too focused on earning and spending as a goal in and of itself, and they were no longer compatible. But he still had a core group of friends who he still felt close to and understood his lifestyle.
It's possible his spouse just didn't have that. Sure, you can always say "get better friends", but that's easier said than done, and it has to be a huge shock to be unable to relate to all of the people you've counted as friends over the past decade or more, and watch your friendships die away. It's even worse if those former "friends" are judging you negatively for not "keeping up" with them.
I do expect that to happen with some of my friends (I'm FI, but haven't yet pulled the RE trigger). Some of them with similar levels of FI (or at least the potential) are still very focused on work and building (or helping to build) companies, and don't seem to want to change that. I'm happy for them that they're able to do that freely, without financial worries, but I'm (sadly) sure that we'll drift apart once I retire. Fortunately I do have a solid group of friends who have similar goals as I do, or at least understand and support the life I want, so I expect those friendships to remain strong.
With respect to the friends, I also wonder how much wasn't simply friends getting older and in the natural course of events spending more time with family and other interests. That's pretty much my experience that has very little to do with different financial goals.
Definitely a fair point, and I'd certainly believe that OP & his wife's radically diverging lifestyles from their friends accelerated that often-natural process.
It's possible his spouse just didn't have that. Sure, you can always say "get better friends", but that's easier said than done, and it has to be a huge shock to be unable to relate to all of the people you've counted as friends over the past decade or more, and watch your friendships die away. It's even worse if those former "friends" are judging you negatively for not "keeping up" with them.
I do expect that to happen with some of my friends (I'm FI, but haven't yet pulled the RE trigger). Some of them with similar levels of FI (or at least the potential) are still very focused on work and building (or helping to build) companies, and don't seem to want to change that. I'm happy for them that they're able to do that freely, without financial worries, but I'm (sadly) sure that we'll drift apart once I retire. Fortunately I do have a solid group of friends who have similar goals as I do, or at least understand and support the life I want, so I expect those friendships to remain strong.