Wondering what works.
I'm partial to Japan so my favorite channel has been Rambalac , and I recently also started watching another channel with the very creative name JAPAN 4K . There are tons of other channels and places too, for example I recently watched a few in Lisbon  and Seoul  and Copenhagen . They're very relaxing and fun to watch and going from place to place with no cuts captures the usual tourist experience quite well. If you like traveling you can probably find some that are interesting to you!
Here are my favorite video walks from Japan. Hope you like it. As for other places, here's two from NYC and another from Olympic National Park which is not a video walk per se, but would appeal to folks who love the wilderness.
Last but not least, thank you for videos you shared :)
Also, train ride videos, for example this one in Switzerland: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mw9qiV7XlFs
I also like going on “walks” on VR, on Google Earth VR, especially via Google Street View. I like going to my old stomping grounds but I also like seeing new places. I also have used it to scope out new neighborhoods when moving, which is extremely useful.
It looks awesome and I am about to try it out!
As a viewer I'd want there to be zero cuts: If your video puts me on a train I want to experience the whole train journey. Some train videos record audio from the train cars, maybe to avoid recording radio traffic in the engine but this also makes the experience somehow worse.
> This is pre-recorded dashcam footage from a year of traveling the United States in a campervan. It runs 24/7.
Worthy of a mention is "Smarter Every Day" has a channel called The Sound Traveller, where Dustin explores places with a binaural audio setup.
not judging what makes you happy (that would be stupid on many levels) but genuinely wondering if you don't need the endorphines and flowing juices of at least some form of physical movement (even just walking) to get the feeling you describe?
The places I walk around lose their charm after a while, since I don't drive or live in a large city. It feels like a wasteland at times. A pretty wasteland. But it's pretty empty and alone at tim
And especially when it comes to Japan, I just can't get over the fact that I can't get enough time to see the country. No company is going to hire you on the basis that you'd prefer to live overseas, and of course the pandemic has set back the process by a couple of years. But each time I went to Japan, I wondered why I wasn't living there yet, personally. It's a stupid feeling that refuses to exit my mind, no matter how much I debate myself over it. They don't prefer to hire people above age 30, and they cancelled last year's JLPT, so every time I'm reminded of the fact that I'm quickly running out of time to accomplish one of my goals, it stresses me out, big time. I believe I possess a lot of the things that specifically make it hard to gain entry, like a college degree and reasonable proficiency in the language, but not... connections.
I always feel like watching walking tour videos is my kind of meditation, feel-good video or AMSR kind of activity.
on a lazy day, a lazy weekend afternoon evening that you just want to chill out, I think nothing is more comfort than watching walking tour videos. you can just lay down, sit back, have a snack and travel with your eyes, you can "visit" places you had never been before. Wouldn't that feel great?
I curated a link of my personal favorite walking tour YouTube channel, especially in Japan:
It's like a live TV that streams this kind of videos 24h/day. Just tune in, choose what category you prefer and enjoy :)
(disclaimer: it's completely free, open source and all views and ad revenue goes to original content creators. I earn nothing with it, it's all for the love for this kind of content and the potential positive impact it can have in all of us stuck at home at these challenging times)
I have started a small side project which is somewhat related. I started it because I saw the beneficial aspects of walks and wellness from my own journey over the last few years. It is something I wish existed in the world but does not. The idea seemed so small and inconsequential that i thought it could make a good non-profit that has a significantly positive impact on wellness. There is a model in where it would be self-sustaining. If anyone is keen to chat about the intersection of wellness, physical activity and walking drop me a message!
Here is another Japan-focused channel. There are walks either with or without audio commenting.
Usually gets some good results. Sometimes the camera person is too chatty, but you can always mute them.
It has provided me endless entertainment over the years.
This! It's been such a game changer for me too. My career has been turbo charged over the last year. The change has been so dramatic that I won't switch to a company that doesnt have a remote-first policy. I'll forego money and promotion opportunities for it. The stress and anxiety reduction is more a personal thing but the freedom to choose, the fact that I'm not mandated to be at a particular place at a particular time, is such a revolution. It seems oppressive to not allow flexibility where the job allows. Most people I know seem to feel the same.
Flexibility in producing the "right" work product is really key. In many large corporate environments, figuring out what is the right work product is possibly more work than the work itself. I have a feeling we may even see different models between different types of companies (nimble startups vs small companies vs large corps). In my personal org, what you are describing can be viewed as an engineer "phoning it in" .. as the engineer is depending on their manager or team lead to assign them the right work. An IC who phones it in may think they are a top producer but will get surprised when it comes to their career progression.
WFH suddenly gave many people their own office room again. It's 20 years since the last time I had that.
I agree that remote management has very different challenges than remote IC - certainly you're likely to spend a lot more time talking with people so less-than-ideal WFH circumstances would be harder.
That's interesting for sure. I guess, as with so many things that happened during covid, the effects on people have been extremely varied. Sorry to hear that you've struggled as so many no doubt have.
The tricky part is going to be how to reconcile these different needs. A hybrid flexible approach is necessary but getting that right will take a lot of iteration.
My company isn't going fully remote, it's going to be a hybrid approach but with no mandate to come in on a given day. We are very strong when it comes to self-organising teams and autonomy so I think it will work. We don't really look to management for more than a high level steer, we all are expected to own our area to a high degree. Phoning it in wouldn't work therefore, it would be obvious to the team that someone was lagging. For other organisational styles this flexible approach could be challenging but it does seem to work for us at least.
Working from home I don't care about anything and just get things done.
In-person interactions add stress on top of my normal work stress. I think I can objectively prove I've been more productive at home than at work too. I'm really hoping I can find a way to stay at home.
And I regret I will probably never experience the combination when I work from home, but kids are at school. Instead of colleagues, spending the breaks with the wife I love.
The soul killing of commuting is underrated. Just the sheer amount of time lost in your day is huge and that loss builds up over time.
And that's not even counting increased health problems, sleeping less (well), increased stress from anxiety or just basic public transport bullshit.
I used to say I didn't mind my daily ~2.5 hours in trains and trams. Right now I will fight _hard_ to keep it out of my life.
When I was commuting in a car, the exact same path would take me 45m to an hour at peak time, and 15m off-peak. Just by pushing forward the starting time by about an hour, I saved loads of time and aggravation. This applies to public-transport commuters too: the experience of squeezing into an overcrowded carriage where you could die standing vs sitting comfortably and reading a book in a mid-morning train, is night and day.
Employers should just agree that the actual hours where absolute overlap is required, are about 5-6 per day. Leave people free to attach the remaining 2-3 at whichever end they prefer, or even do them from home (so you commute calmly and then just end the day from home). It won’t solve everything (schools remain obtuse bottlenecks with their inflexible schedules) but it would go a long way towards removing stress from commuting.
1- the threat of Covid is not going away in the next 2-3 years. I am no risking it!
2- I and everyone in my team have been more effective, less stressed working from home for more than a year now. Why would I go back to a less efficient way of work?
Apparently, the management optimizes for things other than productivity. (Is anyone surprised?)
It could depend on your field too - in mine (IT) it feels like there’s a shift to remote and many organizations will keep allowing it even when they are able to go back to the office.
We do indeed seem to be far ahead of our European neighbours in this regard from what I'm seeing.
Sure, Im not implying that Europe is homogenous, just that there are certain areas (eg WFH policies) where UK is an outlier. To this extent you can draw very general distinctions. Similarly you could draw distinctions between France or Italy vs the rest of Europe. Every country has its outlying traits.
I miss you guys!!
Sadly, not for everyone. For the company I'm with, before covid we were allowed to spend up to three days out of the week remote as long as we came in for at least the two required days (Monday and Thursday). Then, right before covid, we were told that even this policy was going away and we had to be in the office four days out of the week and could remote on Wednesdays. That policy never took effect because covid hit right before the transition date, so now we're "remote until July 1st 2021, after which we'll reassess the threat and plan on everyone being in the office five days out of the week."
I've been so spoiled by WFH, I am not looking forward to going back to two hours of commuting per day.
Unfortunately, most of the western, first-world companies who are offering nice salaries for international remote workers ($60-80k after tax and above) do not trust them and require insane control, with screen recording, constant zoom presence, etc. But just as remote work has finally won over the industry, async communication will too — if for nothing else than what a boost to productivity it is.
It took a lot of reflection and was cause for a lot of growth. But now I'm not only mentally happier, I'm taking better care of my body because it finally feels like it's my own.
Transitioning has enabled all that. I wouldn't have gotten cats alone, I didn't experience romantic feelings prior to taking hormones.
Am so so much happier now
It feels like the Pandemic has left a lot of people worse off, but there are also a lot who are a lot better off now. Kinda weird?
If you told me back in February that I'd buy a home in 2020, I'd have told you to get lost. I lived alone in a small apartment, with a "necessities" mentality, and homeownership was on my radar for 5-10 years out. Why invest in exercise equipment when I go to a gym, a decent WFH setup when I work in an office, or kitchenware when most of my meals are eaten at work or meetups? Why buy a home, if I seem to just use home for a place to sleep?
The pandemic rapidly changed that mentality. "Necessities" was now synonymous with "going without".
The straw that broke the camel's back was the big trees out back being chainsawed down all day over three days (they needed to; they were hanging out by a transmission line). That changed the view from my porch from something resembling nature (and for much of the pandemic, that was my "nature"), to industrial buildings puking out vapor.
So I didn't buy a home for a partner, pets, kids, or otherwise - I still have none of those. But my overall health has increased considerably by having a backyard that won't change unless I want it to, a small home gym to prevent dropping even more muscle, a dedicated office space to delineate when WFH starts and ends, and an open-plan kitchen. And with the interest rates the way they are, I figure I've just saved future-me a ton of money anyway.
Going from a 1-bedroom apartment to a house has been huge during the pandemic. I actually have different rooms I can use to help break up the monotony. I think I would've gone crazy having to work from home in my old place since it was so small.
It was definitely something I considered heavily when buying - and is actually the reason I chose to eat the cost of staying close to the city, rather than move to some far-flung place where the cost of living is three or four times cheaper. Yes, I got less space. Yes, my mortgage is larger than it could have been. But my quality of life will _continue_ to be much higher next year - it's not a short-term personal gain for a long-term social loss.
I did spend some time time making myself a map of the surrounding area, and choosing to buy within some geographic criteria: 1-mile radius of public transit (that doesn't end at 8pm, which some lines here do); 1-mile radius of a grocery store; sub-1hr commute to work. By sheer luck, I'm now closer to my gym than I was before. And while I'm now on the opposite side of the city from many social opportunities, getting home at 11 versus 10 afterwards doesn't faze me much.
My own family experience wasn't great. I now realise to have a wife who actively cares for you, looks out for you, is probably the most meaningful thing that can happen to you in your life. I am going to invest a bit more effort in my own family and a little less on fringe friendships.
Isn't it possible some of them are thinking the same in reverse, avoiding contact with you because you haven't contacted them in 9 months? Friendships often come out of being stuck together in some way, either work or school or sport or locality or social routine, and they can be hard to maintain when those things disintegrate. I know that I'm guilty of not working hard enough to maintain some relationships in the last year, and I want to do better.
In my own friendships, in my current setup, I rarely the one who initiates. That was different decades ago but it's how it is at the moment.
My friends do all the inviting and I just show up (show up online this last year).
Further, some people just act as the magnet everyone follows. No idea why but they are. So for example another group, out of ~12 people it's only 1 or 2 of them that organizes most meetups. Same with another group.
To me this is a skill thing. Some people are skilled at cooking, some people are skilled at programming, some people are skilled at reaching out to others.
Not because I wanted to test my friendships, I was just too depressed to interact with other human beings.
I now have a grand total of 2 close friends outside of my family, even though I enjoy social remote events with people I kind of know.
It's sort of like that scene from That 70's Show where the mom says that that the dad doesn't have friend's or talk to them. He replies by saying the one guy is his best friend and saved his life, but that they said all they needed to on the boat home from Korea. Some friendships withstand time even in the absence of interaction.
Men should always be on their purpose and improving their life, including cultivating your own friends and family.
Note that during any divorce, your ex-wife will actively and immediately poison mutual friends and family as part of her playbook to make it look like it's all your fault (female shaming tactics) and that she's virtuous. Many men lose their own side of their family as a result, much to their surprise.
I get that this looks misogynistic, but what parent describes is exactly my experience. It literally describes my post break-up relationship with my wife. the meddling of her led to poisoning of my relationship with the kids. she was the one who was hitting me any time there was an argument, threw plates and glass, or became physical in other ways that I had no choice than call the police because I was scared of further escalation. When the police came to the house they said it was protocol to remove the male from the home for a night so that the woman can look after the kids. Once, when my son was playing with my daughter in their room and we were in the kitchen (I made coffee standing ~4m away from her) she started screaming hysterically my son's name and saying "quick please come your father is hitting me" (despite me never once raising my hand to her). My son until this day thinks I hit her. At other times (when I was severely depressed for months and couldn't get out of bed) my daughter asked why I wasn't at the dinner table with them she said to them "he is just lazy". Once I got sick and fainted so she left me lying unconscious in the bathroom for a whole night without calling 911 ... I have hundreds of memories like this, and later realized a lot of it was an attempt to implant memories on our kids that didn't happen. Once I was brave enough to talk about it to others I noticed there are many men like myself who refuse to engage in physical violence towards women and are actually at the receiving end of it.
I never spoke up because I was too embarrassed and nobody among my family or friends would have understood (and I knew that I wasn't able to give up my kids because this would have been the result of a break-up so I rather went to work with a bruised face claiming I fell of the bike or the snowboard - again!)
My problem was that she might actually be bi-polar or suffer from some kind of undiagnosed mental condition (at least to me this was the only explanation for such level of "evil"). In the end it doesn't matter what's the cause what counts is that I got out of it. Oddly having the responsibility of children was the reason I put up with this for so long. When I asked myself if this is the template I want to pass on to them I walked because I hope that if they ever find themselves in such a place they should walk regardless of how many kids they have.
My wife tells me stuff that just doesn't make sense. When I sold my nice car and quit doing track days when we got married with plans to have kids, she kept telling me that I could've kept it and that the only reason I had it must have been to get girls. That simply wasn't true. And keep it? Using what money! I pay all the bills (and benefits, and retirement saving) except for her phone and car, while she spends as much or more every month on her hobby as I do on the mortgage. Or if I tell her that we should cut back on our toddler's screen time that day, she'll say it was only .5 hour, eventhough I witnessed 1.5 hours of TV time and .5 hour of phone/youtube time.
On top of this, she occaionally tells me that I'm mean to her. This is usually in response to me giving her instructions on how to properly perform some task. For example, she said I get the whites very clean looking when I wash them. I told her you have to pre soak them with bleach or oxiclean when they look dirty. Apparently this is mean to say? Or I mention that our toddler with a heart condition shouldn't be drinking iced tea with caffeine in it. Apparently this makes me controlling. I thought this would be common sense (drinking caffeine is the opposite of taking a medication to slow heart rate, which could lead to a bad outcome).
There’s also the issue that many people choose mates because they want to have sex with them, or because they were young, or gave them attention, or were just around (or some combination of all these things).
People are awful at choosing long term mates and the discussion around this and the selection criteria is really bad.
If your partner has core value differences or just isn’t at some threshold of general intelligence the relationship will be filled with this kind of anxiety inducing misery.
This goes both ways too - I’ve known brilliant women who dated oafish/dumber, but very good-looking/fit men that were filled with similar insecurities. People should select more on core value alignment and intelligence than they do.
The brainwashing isn’t some secret truth of spousal relationships, except perhaps that people are bad at long term mate selection and select for the wrong things.
The second thing is that she stated before marriage that she likes the country and wants to own a small horse farm. I, incorrectly, assumed that ment moving to a cheaper area. Who has $1M+ dollars for 10-20 acres in this area? Not to mention land in that amount is pretty rare as the county's population density metrics list it as urbanized.
My father married a woman (my stepmother) who was abusive and manipulative and it took him awhile to be decisive and leave.
I didn't appreciate how hard it was for him to leave at the time and blamed him for part of it.
Now (a couple decades later) I am just grateful we got out at all.
Your kids might not realize everything that is going on right away. From my experience, there is a good chance they will see all you did for them one day.
I enjoy spending time doing work on the house and since we moved to France in 2018 I do a few small volunteer jobs such as teaching IT, programming, and helping people improve their conversational English at coffee meet-ups or picnics in the park. Nothing special as I’m not properly trained but it keeps me active and social.
I should probably look at making some money from it but I also don’t really care and like how it’s something I want to do rather than have to do because money is involved.
My reason for doing what I did is that a good friend and former manager died in his early 50s and I realised that could easily be me in twenty years.
It breaks my heart that he worked so damn hard only to die alone in the middle of the night in his home office with a fucking P&L still open on his screen. His wife and kids found him as they were getting ready for school :(
He gave up so much time with his kids as he always said he was working hard to provide the best for them in the future but you want to know the worst thing? His family are now financially struggling. He had two teenager kids and while his wife worked they lived beyond their means so when he passed their whole world collapsed.
All that time working, all the missed time with his kids and still he left so little. It crushed me if I am honest and I swore I would do whatever I had to do to minimise the chance of it happening to me.
His plan was to make a lot of money, build a huge house for the family, and then probably to switch to some less stressful work and enjoy a calm family life.
But right after buying the land for the house, he died of heart attack. His money disappeared (he always handled the finances himself, my mother had no idea where any of it was, some things most likely got stolen), we struggled financially, had to sell the land, so at the end nothing remained, except for memories of a few great vacations spent together. Even there, he often brought the family to the vacation, but disappeared in the middle of it to handle some business, so I have more memories of the places than I have of him.
I gave up my nice car and doing track days. Many of my time consuming hobbies that involved going somewhere have been greatly reduced or eliminated. I tried replacing them with smaller hobbies at home while I can watch the kid - like small batch beer brewing or learning bass guitar.
Career-wise I have accepted that I will not be promoted and will remain an average midlevel dev for the foreseeable future, mostly due to the cultural expectation that you have to put in more hours to be higher level (and some past decisions still dragging me down). I also acknowledge that I can't afford to changes jobs, eventhough I hate my current job. I need the money to support my family.
The responsibilities that come with marriage and kids is vastly understated - it can be absolutely crushing. If it weren't for these responsibilities, I would have changed jobs, been a senior dev or tech lead, made and saved more money, and likely would have been able to move to a lower cost area to retire early.
But why in the world can’t you afford to change jobs? Plenty of places need mid level devs and it doesn’t cost anything to change jobs.. in fact they usually pay you more.
That system ended up being outsourced and I had to get a new position at the same company. The tech was obscure (FileNet) and thevonky other position I could get was in equally obscure tech (Neoxam). There I became the ASC for the system across 6 teams and two departments - a role typically reserved for senior devs and above. Then they cut the budget in half and did some stuff that I didnt agree with and wouldn't want to be responsible for the security of. So now I'm on a team with modern tech (AWS). It still feels like extra hours are required and they also expect me to be an expert in multiple stacks/systems simultaneously, which is tough. I also feel like, what's the point? The company keeps breaking their own policies and my expertise is just throwaway in their eyes.
Once I become an expert in AWS (which will take a long time the way the work is structured) then I can maybe switch companies. It's still a risk since I have a family to support and I'm responsible for basically all the bills.
There is no secret. I go without some things I would like but are not as important to me, such as an expensive car and expensive holidays.
Basically if it qualifies as "expensive" I usually forgo it. Not for everything but I try to balance if spending more on something is worth it.
Financially we have a comfortable life. We have no debts at all. My wife has a good income and a "safe" job. We have a decent amount in savings. And so we just live a simple life.
Is there anything specific you would like to know? I am happy to share.
When they’re newborns you are focused totally on providing: they can’t feed themselves, change their diapers, or bathe themselves.
When they get older they can do those things but then start having questions about the world and girls and faith. That’s when it really gets fun because you strengthen the bond.
So you’re always providing for the kid. Being there is the tougher part.
You can't be running a code review and chasing a two year old around the house.
There was even this Swiss recruiter that scours HN, but after he finds out you’re a recent college grad he vanishes. At least, in my case. Maybe not in other cases.
Do not be very hard on you (or him). Every job opening I interview candidates for we receive piles and piles of academia refugees, mostly postgrads fleeing their postdocs. They tend to know very little about software (or domain knowledge of our field) but they will try anything: junior, senior and even managerial roles. Signal to noise tends to be very low, so any competitive places ignore most of them. It is a problem for competent people in this life situation, because they get ignored too.
It's much harder to get a job as a non-Swiss/non-EU.
It may mean not going out to eat all the time, not buying a fancy new car all the time, not having a fancy house in the most prestigious neighborhood, etc. I'm not saying it's bad to buy or want these things, but they are luxuries you pay for with hours in the office.
Early retirement is even easier if retire doesn't mean, "never work for money again", and instead means, "I don't have to take salary into consideration when deciding when/where to work".
I'm an engineer living in the SF Bay area who doesn't make tech money and I'll still be able to retire after 15-20 years, easily, while still having waaaay more than my parents did when I was growing up.
I feel like this isn't true at all for retiring prior to age 50.
You have to adjust for cost of living and the area's median income. The median income in my state is $60k-65k and my salary is about $85k. I'm a midlevel dev in the industry for 9 years (no way could I retire at 15-20 years, even for a lower paying job). I also have a family to support. I do live within my means, but that doesn't mean much with the moderately high cost of living in this area.
There are some bonuses and profit sharing that might bump it $5k-15k. The housing market here has been hot for years now. Even with a long commute a builder grade house in the 1500-1800 sf range on less than an acre is over $250k with about $4-5k in taxes. It's about double that price if the commute is half as long. As an idea of cost of living, labor charge for stuff like a mechanic or plumber is about $100/hr.
In Seattle with a short commute you'd pay $900k-1M on a 1500-1800 sf house on 1600-3000 sf of land depending on if it's a townhouse or 1930s construction. $100k is a starting salary for new grads here. And plumbers/mechanics still charge about $100/hr, I think. (I have never had need of a professional plumber -- I do it myself -- and haven't had to do any auto work beyond oil in a few years.)
I'm able to say "this is something that happened to me" and address it as such -- It isn't a thing I push to the back of my brain to deal with later, or an isolating trauma I'm afraid of losing friends over, or an overshadowing fixation I'm worried has changed me.
It's in the front row now, being processed piece by piece.
Over the past year I've been initiating more conversations with friends, opening up more, and taking much better care of myself. I feel better; I feel happier, and the trajectory is set for that to continue.
But for me this is only about inner peace, not convincing others to feel sorry for me. I've found Stoicism which has greatly improved my life. Even though I have a partner who loves me, I understand that one should never rely on another for happiness. I've begun to do all the things I love doing again. Computers, electronics, programming, cycling. All these things that stopped during my recovery while I hopelessly sought someone to fill a void they couldn't possibly fill.
According to some CDC studies, more men are victims of domestic abuse than women are. It's just that men do not report much of it, and there are more cases of severe injuries when it comes to women (40/60 split). I think one of those CDC studies even said that men are more likely to have a deadly weapon used against them in a domestic abuse situation than women are. A little shocking how different this is from the typical narrative.
We're all guilty of it. We have competitions with the sole purpose of finding these extreme outliers. We look up to them, turn them into household names, reward them with great wealth and accolades.
It turns out if you look for outliers, you will find mostly men. Pick any attribute you can measure and you'll probably find a man who "wins". Fastest human? Male. Greatest chess player? Male. Worst serial killer? Male.
This is vaguely recognised which is why women are held to different standards. They have their own sporting events, for example, otherwise they would all fall into the shadow of the all-male outliers.
Nobody minds that 99% of men fall into that same shadow, though.
In car insurance it's quite well-known that men, on average, are responsible for higher payouts. But this isn't because men, on average, do more damage to cars. In fact, the statistics show the opposite. But when women damage cars it tends to be below the threshold that is worth claiming. When a car is completely written off, it tends to be due to a man. It's a tiny minority of incidents, but has a huge impact on insurance payouts.
As with anything, people focus on the extremes and the extremes are mostly male. But that doesn't mean every male is responsible or even capable of the same. But, as with insurance, we all suffer from it.
offtopic, but this is not true in general. This is one of my strongest pet peeves. For many distributions (e.g. Cauchy, power laws, Levy stable...) it turns out that all samples are "outliers" and you cannot really exclude them. It is only on the "degenerate" case of finite variance that you can exclude outliers. But some statisticians may still argue that this is still wrong: there are no outliers, only incomplete models.
At age 45, having been addicted since first finding I could download over 1200 baud dialup on my parents phone line and watching Cinemax late night through the static, it has just been a thing in my life almost daily and honestly I'd given up on caring whether it was a bad thing or not.
I'd felt guilty about it sometimes, and sure, tried to quit on a number of occasions, but always ended up back within a week or two.
Finally one day early last year I just decided to quit, and for whatever reason, that time it worked. And even though day to day I don't think it's made any objective change in my life, every time I think about it, I'm so happy to be done with it.
From an outsider’s perspective, I’m wondering why spending time watching porn is ultimately much different from time spent with any other sedentary pastime?
You could argue the same about entertainment. But seeking it is not a prime directive on an organic level opposed to reproduction.
Some people can’t control this and become wildly obese, but others eat ice cream, understand what it is, and get on with their life.
You need to eat to not die before you need sex.
What I mean is that sex is easier to reach for than food when a person is bored.
Just like heroin is more potent than aspirin.
Also it has been proven that both sex and heroin stimulate pleasure parts of the brain.
Ever notice how folks have sex less frequently when they're in relationships and as they grow older? Where the opportunities for sex exist in multitudes? Yet they never stop eating. You can live without sex, you can't live without food. The drive for the two are not comparable.
But porn is easier...
As far as why right then ended up being the time, it's hard to say. I think maybe it was that I made it more about improving myself as a whole rather than rooting out some insidious evil. More of a picking something off my bucket list and doing it.
Did it make me better? IDK, I still find other ways to slack off when I can. But I definitely feel better when I think about it. Much more than I'd expected to. And very possibly it's just some air of a superiority complex above my former self. Which is a stupid reason, but who cares: I'd assume in most people's view it's a positive to at-worst-neutral turn whatever the reason. And of course it's nice to know that I'll never have to worry about getting caught again.
If you are referring to drugs, despite the general perception I think it's quite harmless.
If you are referring to smoking, despite the general perception I think it's quite harmless.
1. My puppy. We moved out of a studio apartment with my ex in a town I didn’t know, back to my city and into a house of our own two weeks before everything shut down. In the last year we’ve bonded incredibly, and weathered the worst of the last year together in a way that would have been incredibly difficult without her. We wake up every day to snuggles and a special day’s greeting, and wind down every night squished up on the couch. I carry her to bed most nights, not because she needs carrying but because it feels so sweet to end the night that way.
2. I quit a job that was burning me out and spent 5 months building the start of a living art project which reinvigorated my creative mind and my love of the tech craft. It’s just started but I have a zillion things I plan to do with it, and it’s the first ambitious project I’ve been able to follow through on in years.
I've just turned 30 and I used to do a lot of cardio exercise. Over the past few years as other things have taken priority, I cut back. I'd try to do something every day but would often miss days and the workouts would be short and poor quality.
After getting (fortunately mild) COVID I was worried about cardiac issues when I resumed exercise. I decided to buy an Apple Watch to monitor my heart rate and use the ECG functionality.
A few months later, and the big thing I have learned about myself is how well I respond to "gamification" of habits. I now HAVE to close my exercise rings every day, and it's immensely gratifying to track my overall health improving - I did not realise how out of shape I really was. I'm sleeping better, a lot more productive, my mood has increased significantly, and overall I feel much better in myself.
It's also lead to me using other "habit forming" apps (I use "Streaks" - https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/streaks/id963034692) to change things I don't like about myself and generally become a better person.
Overall, I've learned a lot about myself and how I'm motivated.
Takes all day. Took about 3 or 4 tries until I got the hang of it. Now I make two loaves every weekend. Tastier than anything I've bought at a store.
Started with Serious Eats: https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2020/07/how-to-make-sour...
Settled at Tartine Country Bread: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1016277-tartines-country...
Makes me happy every time.
Try mixing gochujang with it after the autolyse step, it adds a wonderful aroma and depending on how much you put in a nice kick too!
(Sourdough Pizza has been another big thing in our house.)
I'm annoyed with myself that I ate crappy frozen pizzas/takeaway for so long, when I should have been cooking from scratch using a cast iron pan or pizza stone.
I have two cast iron skillets. I make my bread by covering them with 9inch round cake pans. Comes out all right.
Serious Eats is my preferred home made pizza: https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2013/01/foolproof-pan-pi...
I aspire to make Tartine morning rolls. But haven't gotten past the croissant dough yet.
I also keep coming back to generative art and think about getting a pen plotter for years already. Now I am getting one!
Could you share some resources on how to get into this?
I already have a 3D printer and I’ve seen some projects that made it possible to use the 3D printer as a plotter. So probably I’d try that route first.
I was actually more interested in the software aspect to generate those arts.
Generally benign in my opinion.
(also here is an interesting read by the developer of the PCR test: https://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/10/opinion/10Ablin.html )
>No, I have limited faith in medical science and none whatsoever in alternatives.
You are inadvertently doing the right thing. ( yep , there is a lot of nonsense in both mainstream and alternative).
Long (quality) life to you...
Enjoy your time, relationships, and the beauty of the planet!
It has been a difficult time for everyone, but I honestly believe that this will be formative time not just for him, but for my wife and I, and one that we will look back upon fondly.
This early stage is also the time when the kids are more dependent and more close in some senses. Can’t roll back the clock later.
BTW, a grammar nitpick. It should be “but for my wife and me”, not “ but for my wife and I”.
Statistically, parents are spending more time with their kids than they did in the past.
I have been constantly disturbed by the chase in the startup system. Building up something out of own passion is one thing, but trying to act like the investor-led founders has been driving me crazy for years.
I live a village life now, do much less software work. Have dialed down my ambitions and I am actually very happy. I do feel that my skills, acquired over 15 years, are less used, but that regret does not last long when I take a trip around the neighboring hills (I live in a Himalayan territory).
I moved back to Reno right at the start of 2020, and it was an immediate change for the better. Less financial stress, and much easier/quicker to escape the city. And this is even amid COVID; I strongly suspect once the stress of an ongoing pandemic subsides I'll be fully back in my "zone", so to speak.
My guess is that most people when the latter happens n number of times(n being the threshold), they breakdown. It's very difficult to know if it is a want or a want-to-want, or a have-to-want. But you can be sure that if the latter is happening, it is never a want, it is always either a want-to-want, or a have-to-want. Once you realise that, I think it will be easier to realise what you really want.
As the old joke goes, don't do that then.
You say you tried to retire; you must have had a previous big push to follow your ambitions in your life. Did that work out well or badly?
I’m prone to depression if I stay in the house too long.
Having a nice car means when I roll out of bed in the morning, I’m able to head straight to a nice, comfortable, private, warm space and start listening to meaningful podcasts, audiobooks, get breakfast, head to the gym, and get a consistent good start on the day.
I’m not sure if I can go back to city living at this point if it means giving up a car.
I am an American and will go out of my way to use any other mode of transportation, even at the expense of time or money. Sometime’s it’s just unavoidable.
Weirdly, this is why I like driving. The more attention needed (e.g. snow driving, offroad driving), the more I seem to enjoy it. It's kind of meditative, in a way; on the one hand, it forces me to backburner a lot of lingering thoughts, and on the other hand, that backburnering gives 'em time to "cook" (so to speak) and accumulate new insights to be stumbled upon as soon as they become front and center again.
Yup, if that was my experience, I would hate driving cars as well.
I’m able to drive pretty much on autopilot. Plus, I don’t feel I’m wasting time listening to podcasts/audiobooks because I’m “doing something/headed somewhere”.
I’ve driven almost 20k miles in the past 3.5 months.
Wow. I drive everyday, but this is a lot of driving. You're looking at nearly 70,000 miles/year at that rate. Out of curiosity, what requires you to drive this much? And is it worth the tens of thousands of dollars you need to spend per year on fuel and car maintenance to do that (on top of the time commitment it is to drive that much)?
I bought my car in San Diego and drove across the country to Florida. I recently did a trip up to NY/VT and back (to FL).
I do smaller, random weekend trips. I drove to Jacksonville and back this weekend. I do often drive around the Tampa area, for fun.
Regarding gas, thanks for reminding me to do the calculation, heh.
Is it worth it? I'll do the calculation and get back to you :)
I left my job in November, so I don't view it as a commitment. I just drive for fun.
I’m all excited over the stuff I want to get. A little solar panel with a battery, good camping stove and coffee percolator, and lots of good audiobooks and podcasts :)
That things gonna be my ticket to anywhere, lol.
We have one, we use it, I have even enjoyed the few road trips, but I absolutely hate them.
I got a 2018 Camry XSE, so it's got nice comfy leather seats.
Arguably the best thing is having CarPlay. Such a nice UI for listening to podcasts/audio books, texting, calling.
In terms the more scientifically-inclined will understand: everything that is outside your current, immediate perception is a simulation in your mind and therefore is both inaccurate and prone to reflect your hopes and fears (especially fears). Simply dialing down those mental simulations of the past, future and distant places can significantly relax you.
My community of faith is/has been the bedrock of life for years.
Watching the world react in ways that make no sense would be a complete downer if one could not look past human folly and call into the core of existence.
Best wishes to all for joy, forgiveness, and healing.
The measurement systems which interact with your body (light, sound, etc.) are woefully lacking in information. You use prior learned environmental models to reconstruct the environment, where the sensory stimulation merely resolves between models.
1. Less drudgery means more time to relax
2. Less pressure to minimise kitchenware use means more ambitious and enjoyable cooking
3. I just get a little jolt of happiness when I walk into the kitchen and see my large cuboidal son sitting there
During the summer I live off-grid in a small travel trailer. Every night I fired up the water heater, did that day's dishes, and took a shower outdoors. A bit of drudgery, but actually relaxing and not at all stressful.
Having lived off-grid without running water, I know very precisely that I use slightly more than a gallon of water to hand wash my dishes. No way a dishwasher beats that.
It's a moot point anyway. I don't have a dishwasher and I'm certainly not going to remodel my kitchen to make room for one.
Dishwashers are much more efficient than you think -- more than handwashing. Just run it every day or two.
That said, unless you live in a desert, or off-grid, 1-2 gallons of water a day has no real cost. E.g., I pay 0.7 cents/gal for the water and 2 cents/gal for the outgoing sewage.
Also dishwashers are not good for roommate arrangements because unless strict rules are enforced things keep piling up in it or you cannot put stuff inside while it is running. Still have to hand wash it yourself then.
I can see the utility of dishwashers for single people or couples who don't cook, but honestly I haven't found them very useful myself.
Also if you get proper bluetooth headphones and enjoy podcasts, washing dishes can become one of your favorite activities, like mine.
That said, we don’t rinse our dishes or anything. It goes into the dishwasher and comes out spotless. Uses way less energy and water than we would manually washing too.
Dishwasher with roommates actually can be fine. Either run it no matter what is in it at end of day or when it fills up. And just have a lot more dishes than you normally would.
Dishwashers work great for people with an excessive amount of dishes. If you have an exact amount of utensils and dishes then that’s when they fall apart. But that is true of letting dishes pile up in the sink too. So, moot point to me.
The dishwasher has been amazing for my wife who does cook and bake a lot. The whole reason I got one is because she’d spend 30+ minutes everyday standing at the sink manually cleaning every single thing. Huge waste of time and water.
We solve the 'wait until the dishwasher is full enough' problem by simply having enough dishes and cutlery to last us the 2-3 days it takes to fill it up :)
We do the pots and baking dishes and other awkward items that aren't great for the dishwasher by hand after dinner, but they generally only take a few minutes most days. We try to run the dishwasher end of day or after breakfast in the morning (even if it's not 100% full) to avoid the problem of dirty dishes while it's running.
I agree the roommate scenario is a harder problem, but the same approach might work.
Intrastate travel. Main line of work (web) stalled but I picked up a solid amount of drone photography/videography work that allowed me to get paid travelling more than usual around the state. Australia has been in a good position with regard to COVID-19 which obviously helped, but I did get a few travel jobs during only-travel-for-work lockdowns.
In the last 12 months, I've visited every sub-region of the state, been paid to go on a 10 night cruise, worked on a TV commercial, made decent money camping with my kids a handful of times, etc. One of the best years of my life and I feel especially fortunate knowing how rough others around the globe have had it in comparison.
Perhaps bigger than that though: a solid relationship. It's so valuable that no matter what else is going on (heavy workload, dealing with the kids, etc) that your partner has your back and vice versa. Very reassuring coming home knowing that you are a team against everything you face.
Do you mind me prying into what field you’re doing drone photo/videography in?
I’ve done drone surveys before and always thought that that would be cool too, especially when combined with travel.
If I don't have a specific commission, I go on holiday somewhere I suspect the tourism authority needs content, shoot it and then edit/sell when I get home. Can't think of when it hasn't worked.