I'm overlooking the "teeth" part of this story to share a bit of an anecdote here. I'm a guy, and I lost my hair when I was about 21. I spent a while trying every medication (many of which have sexual health side effects), but I don't think I was ever actually happy until I just accepted that I was bald and that was just part of how I looked. Don't get me wrong — I would love having hair again, but it doesn't bother me that I don't.
If it helps anyone else out there: no one else thinks about your hair besides you. Getting rid of my anxiety around how my hair looked (checking it in the mirror all the time, using products to make it look less thin, etc) was absolutely worth giving up any illusion that my hair was going to stick around. Plus, it has made putting on sweaters so much easier, and I never have to worry about helmet hair.
If you're reading this post with a touch of anxiety about your hair, just know that it's gonna be fine and you probably look cool as hell (albeit a bit different) with a buzz cut.
> If it helps anyone else out there: no one else thinks about your hair besides you.
I mean, kinda. Sure, nobody is probably stressing about how many centimeters your scalp is receding, but you can bet lots of people will be more attracted to someone who looks young with a full head of hair compared to someone who has typical male pattern baldness. Just google "male hair restoration before and after" for some examples, and tell me you don't think there's a stark difference to most examples.
I do agree, though, fortunately it's become socially acceptable to shave your head and that can be seen as a sign of attractiveness (though I still think this cartoon is pretty accurate: https://i.imgur.com/IMmmP8A.gif)
There's a running joke on the wsb subreddit about this, about the return that Elon saw in getting his hair fixed (I can't find the specific phrasing and construct of the joke at the moment), but anyway his transformation is fairly notable and there's no doubt it contributed in some part to his success: https://thenewdaily.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/elon-m...
I wish it were not true, but I think it sadly is, that as much people would like to think appearances don't matter, they do. Of course that doesn't mean you should beat yourself over it if you were dealt a bad hand in the hair department, because you can do something to improve your appearances in general! Start with a 5x5 or similar routine, because the gains in your confidence and appearances aside, the gains in strength and health are reason enough.
The concept of "pretty privilege" is something I'd never really payed much attention to throughout life. I always focused on hard work, kindness, sincerity, positivity, and openness. I hit 30 recently, and while I had a lot of people who value me, I didn't really feel like I was being pulled in so much as proving my way into society.
So I started focusing on superficial stuff. Better clothes, better style, cologne, shit like that. I don't think these things alone would be enough to matter; I think it's really important to work on who you are on the inside before becoming a facade.
But holy fuck there's a difference. From what I can tell, being more or less attractive is the single biggest factor in how people will treat you.
And from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense: good looking is supposed to mean good genes, and good genes are precious.
Sorry if this is kind of a bummer thing to talk about, but I think the more aware of it we become as a species, the closer we'll get to recognizing our pre-programmed bias towards good looks and perhaps looking passed it to the actual quality of the character.
Also, I'm pretty sure every girl learns this the day they wear makeup, and then the day they don't.
> From what I can tell, being more or less attractive is the single biggest factor in how people will treat you.
Sadly, this is absolutely correct. I want to say I wish someone told me this sooner... but they kinda did... only in hints that were easy for me to misunderstand. Socially dumber people, like me, need to be told things less ambiguously.
Things like hard work, kindness, sincerity, positivity, openness... yes, they definitely contribute to long-term success and happiness. Problem is, your looks decide which doors will open for you. And it doesn't matter if hypothetically you could do a great job, if you are not allowed to try. On the other hand, if you get invited to many places, you get many opportunities to practice, so even if you suck at first, over time you improve.
There is this thing called "halo effect", which means that if you are attractive, people are going to assume all kinds of good things about you, without any evidence, sometimes despite the evidence to contrary.
> Also, I'm pretty sure every girl learns this the day they wear makeup, and then the day they don't.
With makeup, it is easy to make an A/B test. I wonder if we could borrow an artificial body and face for a day, how much that would change our priorities in life.
There's a great Sci-Fi short story by Ted Chiang called, "Liking What You See: A Documentary".
It's about a reversible procedure that inhibits the ability for people to detect prettiness 'calliagnosia'. They talk about 'lookism'.
It does an interesting job exploring what this would mean and the good and bad associated with it (which I think Ted Chiang always does a great job of).
The biggest part of the transformation is his attitude towards it. If you don't make a big deal out of it, nobody else will.
Jeff Bezos, Steve Jobs, Jony Ive are all media darlings in the tech industry, so clearly being bald isn't an impediment.
If you look at the acting world, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Patrick Stewart, Vin Diesel, Dwayne Johnson all make it incredibly clear that baldness doesn't stop you from being considered a sex symbol.
WRT to Patrick Stewart / Picard - Roddenberry had this retort when asked about it by reporter about casting Stewart in Star Trek: TNG. "Surely by the 24th century, they would have found a cure for male pattern baldness." And Gene Roddenberry responded "No, by the 24th century, no one will care."
Could by apocryphal, I'm too lazy to check.
I've worried a fair bit about losing my hair and it use to take up a lot of head space.
Since then though, I've acquired a chronic, mildly painful condition. I'm not as optimistic as Roddenberry however, I do now see being bald but in otherwise good health as still being very fortunate, more than many, perhaps most. It doesn't mean that we can't find ways to remedy it, but it helped me see it in a grander scheme. I just wear a hat now.
> WRT to Patrick Stewart / Picard - Roddenberry had this retort when asked about it by reporter about casting Stewart in Star Trek: TNG. "Surely by the 24th century, they would have found a cure for male pattern baldness." And Gene Roddenberry responded "No, by the 24th century, no one will care." Could by apocryphal, I'm too lazy to check.
I wouldn't be too surprised if Roddenberry took this position in response to outside questions once the decision was made, but if so it's a bit ironic given that it's also been widely reported (including by Stewart) that Roddenberry was openly anti-Stewart during the casting process for not having the look he wanted, in part because of his baldness.
As a (somewhat insecure) Asian guy, I have to say that skull shape matters. Some of us tend to have flat back of heads, which is less than ideal in Western beauty standards.
In my younger years I had my head buzzed to a near monk length (I was pretty obsessed with Buddhism at the time) and it did not look right. Friends commented that I looked 'intense.' While perfect for the monk persona, I was going for the more badass tough guy look. It was a tough few months.
Also, facial hair helps a lot, which I am unable to grow.
So I look forward to hair plugs if I ever start going bald.
Oh dear. He does look better with hair. I'm sure it's nice to say "No one cares about your hairloss other than you". But I don't think any metric in society would back that up.
That's the problem with bald, the pretty much the only 'stereotypically attractive' archetype you have is fit muscular action man.
The only non-fit celeb I can really think of that might be known as attractive is Patrick Stewart in TNG, and I'm not sure if he was considered attractive vs. more respected role model and leader.
I wouldn't put Willis in the category as particularly muscular. He's usually cast at the every man. What he does is exude man in his on screen confidence.
I don’t know if Willis would have succeeded today. I can’t think of any similar “every man” casting today. Maybe the new Jurassic Park guy? But I would say he’s much better looking than Willis.
I know a number of women who made comments about wanting to jump captain Picard's bones back in the day, but I think that was as much about his aura of intelligence and authority as his looks.
Elon Musk is a great example of what is possible with hair transplants. He had severe balding at a very young age, and you would never know it today. I have a feeling that public perception of him would be quite a bit different if he still looked like his old self. Here is a before and after...the “before” image was taken in 2002:
Has it ever been not socially acceptable to shave your head as a male? I have a feeling the "shave it all off" has been a strategy ever since we've had razors sharp enough.
edit: a comment below mentions that it is unacceptable nowadays in some East Asian cultures.
It's definitely more socially acceptable now than it was in earlier times. Do you remember the bald guy episode from Seinfeld? While it was not shocking that the guy had a bald head, it was certainly unusual enough for Jerry to remark "Is he from the future?"
Only anecdotal, but my father always tells that the original skin heads when he was a young man were so transgressive as the hair cut was usually one of weakness. It was the cut of prisoners, insane asylum inmates, prisoners of war etc.
At the time it was in no way considered manly or even threatening. It was truly a statement that we likely can't imagine now.
But it rapidly became the haircut of the working class, especially factory workers. It's really nice to have very short hair in dirty, greasy environments.
My mom liked so-called "clean cut" guys (military background), so she made my brother and I buzz our hair growing up. Now my hair is now over a foot long and her reaction is that I also look like a criminal.
Heh, my father is a military man and growing up we always had our hair cut short. Several years ago I started growing my hair out and was ready for barrage of “hippie” jokes or whatever else would come with that.
Surprisingly it never happened. In fact my parents were really surprised. My youngest brother (nearly 20 year age difference) has a very curly head full of hair and it turns out mine also gets very curly/could with some length. Never new that was in our genetics.
The Islamic State forbade shaving one’s beard, but I don’t think they had similar rules for shaving one’s head. If they had, they must have made exceptions for pilgrims, as shaving one’s head after one is part of the rituals around (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ihram#Behaviour_and_cleanlines...)
In the Indian culture, it was also expected for the Priestly caste to shave their heads (with the exception of the shikha. Side note: when Brahmins would mourn for the death of their parent, they wouldn't shave the shikha, it would instead be left open & unknotted) - there's a certain traditional cultural cache in India with shaved heads.
Wasn't common for white guys until relatively recently. It was a common hacky baldness joke in the 80s and 90s to say "if I was a black guy, I'd shave it all off!" Probably increased at around the same time as the hipster beard thing.
I dunno man, Patrick Stewart has always been mostly bald and is he any less attractive for it? It has the extra added benefit that you can't tell someone's age, so in his case he's been in his 40's throughout his career.
If I could look like Patrick Stewart or Sean Connery going bald would be great. Of course those guys look better than me even with hair so what can I expect.
You have to be attractive in the first place. Bald, hair doesn't really matter. What's probably more significant is if people lose confidence or are self conscious about their baldness.
not everybody looks as him (or few other known bald celebrities), and not everybody has shape of the head or skin to look as good.
But I agree once baldness progresses to be plain visible, the best course is to either trim to very short or shave it all. Can look cool with good beard, but again not everybody has the genes for that.
> but you can bet lots of people will be more attracted to someone who looks young with a full head of hair compared to someone who has typical male pattern baldness.
People are attracted to confidence. A person who has issues about self-image (baldness being one particular aspect of that) will always be less attractive from that angle alone.
If you're bald and feel self-conscious about it making you unattractive, the better road to attractiveness is to stop being self-conscious (easier said than done), rather than stopping being bald (even harder to do). This is basically what the OP is alluding to: the solution to the "baldness problem" isn't treatment, but rather acceptance.
There are plenty of females attracted to older males. The reverse is not nearly as true. There is a good genetic basis for this: young females that breed with an old male bring in whatever genetics cause long life. However old females are unable to breed at all so males that attempt to breed with older females fail and thus don't pass their genes on.
The above is really messy as it applies to the real world, but the basics are true enough.
> but you can bet lots of people will be more attracted to someone who looks young with a full head of hair compared to someone who has typical male pattern baldness
I think there are just as many people who are attracted to a guy with a shaved head.
I don't have personal experiences with it, but from observing a couple of friends who shave their head, it doesn't seem to me that they are less successful sexually/romantically.
Wigs are in and you can't really tell the difference. That being said male hair restoration is at minimum a billion dollar industry which tells you something, men are still successfully reproducing despite genetics that lead to male pattern baldness.
I'm East Asian. Hair loss at a young age and shaving your head is still not considered very acceptable or attractive in any way in East Asian cultures, short of being a monk. There are a tiny handful of exceptions - but that's just that - exceptions.
If you're pushing 50? 60? etc. sure it happens to many so not a big deal - but even then I think more East Asian men choose wigs, hair transplants, or even au natural horseshoe rather than shave. If you're 20? 30? Or even 40? It's terrible - dare I say more so than men of other races/cultures.
As someone in his thirties that is starting to lose hair, I envy men of other races/cultures where shaving your head is considered an acceptable option.
I never thought of this till you mentioned it, like, never. But you are right, I can't think of any high-visibility East Asian person with a bald head that isn't a monk. Xi Jianping, Mao, Psy, Jack Ma and pretty much every prominent East-Asian has hair. I guess with me coming from the black community, we've always had Michael Jordan, Isaac Hayes and Samuel L. Jackson as the standard-bearers of baldness.
> “If it helps anyone else out there: no one else thinks about your hair besides you.”
I had a girl cancel a date when she learned I was balding (she explicitly told a friend this) so there’s a reason men feel bad about it.
That said, shaving your head and getting on with your life is the right approach and has a lot of other benefits anyway.
Elon did something different, but for most people going bald, shaving your head is the right move. It can just be hard to know when and most people wait too long (plus it’s hard to deal with the social stuff around a dramatic change like that).
> there’s a general truth to sexual attractiveness in there
Even a cursory consideration of the numerous bald celebrities should be sufficient to disabuse yourself of this notion. There is no general truth to sexual attractiveness as related to hair, or height, or skin colour, or weight, or…
The general point is that confidence is more attractive than baldness or any of 100 other kinds of uncontrollable issues that impact physical appearance.
When you become comfortable and confident with who you are and recognize what you can't change, you attract the same.
The other stuff does matter too though. It’s better to recognize that rather than pretend it’s all confidence.
The girl that canceled the date didn’t do so because I wasn’t confident, she did so because she saw a picture of me with thinning hair on FB. Another canceled when she found out I was 3 months younger than her. People are picky.
Thankfully I've since met someone really great and I'm now engaged/out of the game. I'm glad.
My dad went bald very early and I was always afraid of it. I've had the typical progression of male pattern baldness going for the last 20 years. I'd look really weird in my 40's if I had the same hairline as my 20 year old self. Over the years I've gotten used to it and consider it not a big deal.
On the other hand, now that my dad is in his late 70's he has melanoma all over his chrome dome. He has to get things burned, frozen, and lasered off every couple of months. It's ironic that after accepting the vanity aspects of baldness and no longer caring, I see that there are much worse things.
If you're bald or balding, wear a hat! Wear sunscreen! The spray on stuff is sort of gross but it can get to your scalp where the hair is thin and skin is exposed.
If a stem cell treatment for baldness were affordable, I would consider it. 80% for the UV protection and 20% for the vanity.
Going off topic, but that's one of the reasons I really appreciate moving to Berlin (UV index from 2 to 5) from Tel Aviv (UV index 3 to 11). I haven't burned even once since leaving Israel in 2005.
Latitude matters! I grew up outside of Atlanta, which is 33N and similar to Tel Aviv at 32N. My dad's Irish skin probably faired much worse here than it would have at 53N (Ireland, Berlin).
I don't burn too easily in the sun here and it's easy to avoid in prolonged exposure with a little sunscreen. I was shocked the first time I ventured close to the equator. In southern Mexico (15N) and Costa Rica (10N) my skin burns in about 10 minutes without sunscreen.
When I was in my early 20s, I saw the writing on the wall w.r.t hair loss. I decided then, if I'm going to be bald, I'm at least going to be jacked. And so I got jacked.
10+ years later, I buzz my head with a 1 guard once every week or so. Hair is just a thing I don't think about. It's like `gofmt` or `prettier` for your head.
Same here, except I use a #2. Nearly every guy can control his build and when you are younger, you are a testosterone-fueled muscle building machine. Young men (and women, to be honest) reading this: take advantage of it.
To expand on that, my favorite quote (from Eleanor Roosevelt, who seems to have been quite quotable...):
"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."
I totally agree. People are almost 100% caught up in themselves, and barely have time to think about their own family, much less friends, acquaintances, and last of all strangers.
Well of course they don’t actively worry about your hair, but most certainly it’s one of the factors on whether people find you attractive or not. And that can still have real consequences even if people aren’t “worried about you.”
Beauty is well researched & documented to affect one's social standing, how much people trust you, career success, mate/family success, and many other factors.
Started noticing hair loss in my early 20s but managed to convince myself that it was just stress. By my mid 20s when I was in a very low stress position I finally concluded that it was just plain MPB. I continued to ignore it for a while, just cutting my hair a little shorter than the longer hair that I wore before (usually more out of laziness than anything else). It finally came to a head a couple of months ago when I noticed that I had stopped turning the lights on when I went into the bathroom because I didn't want to see how thin my hair looked that day. That day I made an appointment with my doctor and got a prescription for Finasteride. Since I was very afraid of the sexual side effects of the drug, before I started I decided to shave my head to confirm my suspicions that I didn't like the shaved look. If I hated it, I'd start the medication and deal with the sides. Funny thing is, I really liked it. People don't treat me any differently than they did before which is what I was afraid of. Sure, women don't come up and hit on me but they never did when I had longer hair either so I consider it a wash. And I like it more and more now that I'm hitting the gym and adding muscle. Bald + muscular is a great look. Shaving my head (down to a #1 in my case) isn't my ideal situation but the way I see it, MPB is a better condition to have than many, many other genetic conditions.
If you're where I was a couple of months ago and your thinning hair is stressing you out, just give it a shot and shave your head. Best case, you like it like I do. Worst case, you hate it and you can see if fin would work for you.
I think this is very wrong, and almost irresponsible.
Without your hair, you will earn less money. Fewer people will do business with you (fewer investors, fewer contracts, fewer business partners). You will be paid less as an employee for the same work. You will be passed over for leadership positions.
Fewer people will be friends with you. People will want to spend less time with you. You will not be invited to the same or as many parties as other people. Strangers on the street will look at you with pity and disgust. Children will shame you.
No matter how inherently talented, intelligent, and hard-working you are, this will seep into every aspect of your life and rob you of success. It is a crippling disfigurement.
And so, there are entire sections of the female population that won't touch you with a ten foot pole. Considering how painfully this impacts a persons life, they are right to do so. It is a travesty of evolution that male-pattern baldness exists.
There currently isn't a way to re-grow lost hair. You have to do everything you can to keep what you have. The medication you mention, finasteride, might have sexual side effects, but for most people it doesn't. It's almost irrelevant if it does, because you won't have much of a sex life if you lose your hair. I wish I could have afforded it when I was young. If you can, go see a doctor at the first sign of hair loss. It's all you can do.
If I hadn't lost my hair in my early twenties, I know that I would have been able to find romantic love, and have a better career. It is the single worst thing that has ever happened to me, and not a day goes by that I don't consider killing myself. It has made me less than human.
You sound really upset. I don’t blame you. I started going bald in my 20s. It was heartbreaking to cut off my long hair. I truly loved it and felt strongly that it was part of my identity. The alternative, I thought, was ridiculous — a bald man with a pony tail.
Now I’m nearly 50, and if I could grow my hair back, I wouldn’t. I’ve been shaving with a trimmer once a week for 15 years now, and I adore it. It’s quick and easy. My hair is predictable and zero-maintenance. I think I still look pretty cool.
Professionally I’ve never felt the lack. When I leave one company I quickly have offers piling up for new gigs. I have a family now, but (back when it was ok to be out in public) women still hit on me.
Consider that no matter what your qualities, some people and contexts will ostracize you for them. You must instead find places and people that are acceptable to you, and accepting of you. There’s no magic here, just work and perseverance.
There are plenty of worse situations: being Black is still no picnic in the US, and plenty of other places. Being a woman is still very challenging in many places. Being poor (like, too poor to own a computer) is still the worst.
If you’ll forgive me for being blunt: if going bald is really the worst thing that’s happened to you, consider yourself to be very, very fortunate. There’s no reason to be suicidal about it. Find a therapist. Only you can improve your life, hair or no hair.
While baldness definitely has a negative impact on most men life, it's merely a factor among many other things that can actually be controlled, and it's not life shattering on its own.
If that's actually how you feel, it's pretty serious and I urge you to try and search for help in your environment : life does not have to be this bad, and it can get better.
This is the most absurdly ludicrous thing I have ever read, and I am not exaggerating for effect. I honestly cannot tell if this is a bad joke or sarcasm, because I can hardly imagine a human being who could believe such nonsense. If you experience any of this nonsense first hand it is because you believe it to be true and have created a self fulfilling prophecy. You need to change your perspective. Go see a therapist and work out your issues.
I suggest reading some Gabor Mate and work on resolving unresolved childhood trauma (the only thing I imagine to be strong enough to create such self-limiting beliefs - assuming of course your post is not just a failed attempt as sarcasm).
I still remember the day I saw a quote on Twitter from an account that I think was called something like @PicardQuotes. Their tweets were usually little gems that could have been said by Capt. Picard. This particular quote was simply:
"Bald is better than balding."
When I realised there was no turning back, and not having hair would be a lot better than fighting against the inevitable, I started wearing my bare scalp with pride.
It's a great look.
It's also a lot easier to maintain.
Don't get me wrong, if I weren't balding I wouldn't have done this and that would have been fine. That doesn't change the fact that this is also fine.
How is it easier to maintain? If you want to be fully bald and look good you have to shave every day or every few days. For the balding "look" you don't have anything to do at all.
Bald takes me 10-15 minutes at home a few days a week. It becomes part of the routine and doesn't add much to it.
Having hair means daily washing/conditioning (depending on hair type and daily activities of course), combing/brushing, perhaps some styling in the morning and possibly during the day depending on how you like to look, there's not being able to shower just before sleep unless you like to sleep on a puddle and a rotten pillow, etc.
On top of that, there's the periodic going to salon, getting hair cut, coming back home, and relearning how to style new hair since it's going to be slightly different than it was early that day.
Balding also takes a lot of the above, if not all. Unless you like the mullet look with nothing at the top, which I personally don't.
As a guy who's been shaving my head since I realized my hair wasn't getting any thicker when I was ~20 (13 years ago), I'm curious what other "bald looks" there are besides shaving the whole thing?
> Plus, it has made putting on sweaters so much easier, and I never have to worry about helmet hair.
I had a shaved head for a while, and the freedom of not having strands of really strong thin material attached to the top of your head was amazing. It is comparable to not having to wear a backpack.
I went back to normal hair to enjoy it while it lasts though.
A good friend of mine did what Joe Rogan did: just shave it all off.
The funny thing is that they both said the same thing: "I was so worried about how my thinning hair looked that I just decided to shave my head, and havent looked back since"
And its funny they both look great completely bald - in fact with Joe Rogan, he looks odd to see old pics of him with hair.
I dont know if I could pull off a full bald shave because I have a small head and big ears :-)
When I started losing my hair I tried minoxidil, until I realized two things:
1) it's not very effective;
2) it is highly, highly toxic to cats.
I didn't have a cat at the time, but I decided that the ability to have a cat in my life was more important than any hair loss amelioration provided by minoxidil, and if I went bald then I went bald.
I started going gray in my mid 20's, and I made a similar choice. I just accepted that this is how its gonna be, and came to terms with it, not that I dont go out of my way to minimize it now that I'm in my late 30's thru hair cuts. But I dont bother with dye or any of that.
Was shaving my head the best decision? Of course. I still had some hair in front and a lots on the sides. But top of my head is almost bald and my hair is quite thin. So I would always have bad hair and would fix it in the bathroom constantly. Wearing hat was a problem. Going on a holiday to tropical country - bad hair every day. I shaved that thing after returning from 4 weeks in Indonesia. I just had enough of it. A lot of women complimented my looks. My wife got used to it I think. But if there was a way of making my hair the way it was when I was young without side effects and transplants? I would probably try it. But until that day comes, I am shaving my head and don't care about anybody.
Lots of people have anxiety about their head shape. I know I do. I'm not looking forward to the time when I have to buzz cut my hair. There is definitely a lot of flatness on the back of my head.
I agree. My dad and his brothers were all bald fairly young, so I accepted that it would happen. I didn't really start losing my hair until my 30s, and for me at least, I just buzzed cut my hair and went on with my life. My wife, who I met after it was clear my hair was never coming back, asked me if I missed my hair. I pulled out some old pics of my late teens/20s where it was all the same length past my shoulders and her response was 'thank god you went bald'...
Can confirm, shave your head no one cares, girls dig it if they dig you just like everything else. Just get used to wearing hats or carrying sunscreen lol.
yes same. I accepted it and moved on in my 30s. Now i like my buzzed look, i think i look better than ever.
I think bladness needs an equivalent of 'fat acceptance'. When somone is in their 20's. Its hard to accept your lower value as a potential mate for something that's totally out of their control.
How? I don't want to shave my head every weekend. I shave every 1 month or so. Towards the end i have the classic bald man look. How is that 'denying my balding' ? bald look doesnt bother me. So why the perception that i have some physiological issues re my balding if i don't shave on a regular basis.
> If it helps anyone else out there: no one else thinks about your hair besides you.
People notice and care. Hair is sometimes seen as a health indicator and it matters to a degree in society. We've never had a bald president and probably never will. Look at the lengths Trump went to with his "hair". I doubt he would have been president had he been bald. The same goes for biden. Search for elon musk before and after hair. He wouldn't be the "media darling" if he looked the way he did in his paypal days.
Also, it's probably easier dating or finding a mate if you were not bald - as a man or a woman. Consciously or unconsciously, many people hold negative associations when it comes to baldness. But it's not the end of the world and you shouldn't lose any sleep over it - unless you hope to be president one day or in a position where image matters. For the average joe, baldness doesn't matter much.
I vaguely knew a dude who got bald at 20. Beside the slightly strange feeling in the early days it really never made a difference in how we were with him. But he was a cool guy so that helped.
Well, I started balding at 14. Started medications at 15 that stopped working at 19 (not that they ever "really" worked). My adolescence was pure hell and today I almost cry everytime I see myself in the mirror. So there's your counter-anecdote.
Yep. Fit and bald is far more attractive than a nice head of hair and schlubby.
And by far the most important thing is to be happy with one's self, not based on external things.
If it comforts anyone, Prince William went through the same anxiety and realized he was best served embracing the characteristic. I think that’s the best approach.
Unfortunately you have Hollywood and other lifestyle influence setting the tone for men and women. Sometimes in the guise of helping, they hurt people “accept being obese” for example.
I'm sorry but I completely disagree with the folks that are saying to just shave it off and that the "only person worrying about your hair is you". That is completely untrue, especially in our society today. I just turned 23 and have been dealing with this issue since I was 20 years old. It's an absolute nightmare. Even on hair-loss medications, there is no maintaining.
Being a relatively above-average individual in terms of my looks, losing my hair has definitely made me lose alot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the strain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies.
Many of you will reply with seeing a therapist or getting help but you need to understand that most people in their early 20s have a full head of hair. I am honestly not trying to be pessimistic but chances are you are an outlier if you were dealt a garbage genetic hand like me. I also understand that it's not like I have this debilitating disease but this should be considered a more serious issue that should be getting more funding.
I have Alopecia Areata. It meant I had bald spots (pure bald - not just thin) of varying (and ever changing!) size from around 4 years old. I know how you are feeling first hand from the hell I survived at the hands of other children when I was young and the awkwardness of teenage dating with bald spots. It took me a long time to work up the courage to shave it all off - I did so at 19. I have no idea why it took so long. But I can tell you that it was the defining moment in my life. It’s been nearly two decades since I shaved my head and I’ve had numerous successful businesses, made a shit ton of money and retired in my 30s with a wife who is a 12/10 that draws more looks from other men than I care for. Hair doesn’t have to define you. It can and will if you let it. Or you can tell it to go fuck itself and shave you head and never think about it again. People are drawn to confidence. Eliminate things that are destroying your confidence. Confidence comes from self love. At the end of the day, if it isn’t hair it is something else - every single person is struggling with something they don’t love about their bodies. Hair is relatively easy to overcome. Good luck!
I appreciate the story and the kind advice, definitely helps to know I'm not alone. Regardless, my hair has been part of my identity and is something I take pride in. When I envision myself in the future with something I no longer have, it can be traumatic because I always assumed my hair wouldn't fall out until maybe my late 20s.
Maybe its my excuse but I haven't reached the stage where I need to completely shave it off (diffuse thinning) but I pray and hope that better treatments are available when the time comes. Or maybe i'll get a hair system lol..
As someone who has also recently moved from vainly trying to maintain a thinning hairstyle to buzz-cutting, I really do get where you're at.
> I'm sorry but I completely disagree with the folks that are saying to just shave it off and that the "only person worrying about your hair is you". That is completely untrue, especially in our society today.
I think it's partially true, but maybe more true than you're allowing yourself to believe right now.
> Being a relatively above-average individual in terms of my looks, losing my hair has definitely made me lose a lot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the drain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies.
Read that paragraph you wrote again. What jumps out at me is "losing my hair has definitely made me lose a lot more attention from women. Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the drain".
So let me offer a couple of hypotheses:
1. You're right that you've lost attention from women, but you're wrong about the reason: maybe a lot of it is down to your loss of confidence, rather than your loss of hair?
2. You're wrong that you've lost attention from women, but you've already decided (in your current psychological situation, lacking confidence) that you will do, and so you're looking for confirmation of this, and are misinterpreting various pieces of data? (Conformation bias can be strong and compelling.)
While hair vs. no hair may be a factor in how attractive people are considered, it's only one factor. There are lots of others (not least, confidence, as mentioned, also face, build, height, skin condition, tan, clothing, behaviour, belongings, hobbies, intelligence, humour, conversation... the list is endless) which would explain how people who might lack one obvious aspect (e.g. height, or hair) can still be very successful at attracting the opposite sex.
I appreciate your comment and I agree with what you are proposing with your hypotheses. But what caused my loss in confidence? -> my hair loss.
I know you're trying to come at this from a "things could be worse" perspective but at 23 years old, losing your hair has been traumatic and is pretty much social suicide lol. Life is unfair and I get that but my hair loss will get to a point where I'm going to have to try 10x as hard in terms of making new relationship, progressing in my career, and just making a good overall impression. Pretty privilege is a thing and I'm about to start experience not having it anymore.
And while it is only one factor, it's a big factor when you are 23 years old considering a majority of the men my age have a full head of hair. I credit my obsession over this superficial disease to my perfectionism and the idea that I simply don't want to be the bald guy. I just don't. I'm not ready for it now and I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready for it.
I'm done with posting about my hair loss for now because while it feels good to know that I'm alone, it's not going to change the fact that my life is about to get more difficult.
> I know you're trying to come at this from a "things could be worse" perspective
Nope, not really, I get that it matters, and how it matters.
I have two related points:
1) It matters, but it definitely doesn't matter to the magnitude that you think it does, right now - it's just one of many factors that matter. Yep, you've lost this one, so rely on your other good areas and if it helps your mindset, find some others to optimise instead. (Like, lose weight, or get ripped, get a better tan, etc.)
2) More importantly, though, your response to losing your hair is self-sabotaging: by taking it so badly, and so obviously losing confidence as a result, you're massively exacerbating the effect. Your response to your hair-loss is what is causing "...pretty much social suicide" - not the hair loss itself.
One day, I suspect you'll come through how you're currently feeling (with or without therapy?) and you'll probably have forgotten this exchange, but you'll see I'm right. But given the fickle nature of confidence, I totally get that you can't believe that right now.
PS read The Game [0] - not for the PUA nonsense, but for Neil Strauss' account of losing his hair, and how his mentality changed about it over time.
--
(Also, as an aside, I really like your concept of 'pretty privilege'. My GF is a lot more attractive, and also a lot more immediately engaging, than me; it's been enlightening to watch how different her experience of the world is, to mine.)
> Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the strain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies.
I'd bet the attention from women issue is likely stemming from the confidence loss more than the hair loss. A bit of a chicken and egg problem but if you can somehow hijack your confidence level I think you'll see that's where the true power lies. Personal recommendation: give up on salvaging it. Own it.
>> Not to mention my confidence has gone straight down the strain and I find it hard to focus on other aspects of my life like my work and hobbies.
I'm going to suggest your loss of confidence is not an affect but likely the cause. Your emotional strife and lack of confidence will project in your body language.
>> chances are you are an outlier if you were dealt a garbage genetic hand like me
Do you think your genetics on a single point (hair) determine your overall attractiveness? Are there bald men who can gain attention from women?
Have you tried listening to someone like David Goggins (Don't Hurt Me) for a different perspective?
I don't think my loss of confidence is the cause.. I was more than confident (if anything overly confident) before I was losing my hair. I'm not sure if you are also dealing with hair loss but it's hard for me to converse with people who simply aren't going through what I am experiencing. And I'm able to shield my emotional strife and lack of confidence for the time being with hair fibers so it hasn't affected my body language (I know it's not healthy to bottle my bitterness inside).
The general consensus of people who try to "fix" my issue is that I need to go to the gym and become Dwayne Johnson lol. It's not that simple. I'm already a gymrat and I would say I have a great wardrobe and style (thanks to my brother).
But more to the point, I don't think my hair determines my overall attractiveness. BUT, I do think it plays a big part. There are not many bald 23 year olds that attract women who are also 20-25 years old. That's the hard truth I'm trying to deal with.
I started shaving my head this year (though I'm a few years older than you). I've gotten a few thoughtless comments from people too.
Just to clarify I didn't say 'just' hit the gym; I said that was the easy part. Doing the internal work to get to the point where you are confident because you feel you are a person who has value to offer to the world around you is challenging.
And I guarantee you have more to offer than your hair. And when you know that you have a lot to offer, you'll communicate that to the people around you and its attractive. Lots of guys will say "I have lots to offer" and give a list of good qualities. But how many guys really feel that way? If you are feeling bitter and insecure because your bald, would that maybe indicate you don't really believe you're valuable? I'm not criticizing you for feeling that way, but asking if those feelings are indicative that maybe your view of yourself isn't healthy?
Shaving my head this year didn't bother me because I've done a lot of work to deal with the other insecurities that held me back from seeing the value I bring to the world. In fact, shaving has actually made me feel more confident. It's almost like a taunt: I'm so badass I don't even need hair. But again, getting to that place emotionally was a lot harder than going to the gym.
Interesting that you say it is all about confidence and self love but yet you felt the need to shave it off. If it is so relative why didn't you leave it as it is instead of trying to hide the problem with a complete shave? I find that reasoning quite inconsistent and shows that even the people that say are beyond it, are actually still trying to accommodate for minimal damage by matching societal expectations. If it was all about confidence and the other things you had to offer, you really wouldn't care, would you?
Nothing wrong with trying to appeal to others, but it is better to be honest about it. "Shave it off so it doesn't look as bad for most people and it doesn't affect your life as much" is a more honest advice than "it is all about confidence and value you give to others". Being real is part of the value you give to others.
There are a lot of things worse than losing your hair, but people who worry about it don't necessarily think they provide no value to others, and people who say they don't worry about it sometimes are the ones that worry so much more that they ended up changing their behaviour, routine and appearance (gym, beard, shaving, clothes, personality...) just to cope with the insecurity.
>> Interesting that you say it is all about confidence and self love but yet you felt the need to shave it off. If it is so relative why didn't you leave it as it is instead of trying to hide the problem with a complete shave?
Hmm that's a good counter argument! I would say you've misunderstood though.
Shaving a head is like getting fitted clothes - it matches the body I have and makes it look as good as possible. I'm not rejecting societal standards en masse or trying to hide something. I reject the idea that having a high view of your own value means you spend less time on grooming. I spend time getting nice clothes, nice colognes, nice hairstyles - generally looking the best I can - because I think it reflects the value I place on myself.
This advice is I am sure meant well. But it is old for people who have done it and are no better. I have a very ugly face. I do not say this from pity, it is this way since I was a child. I am very fit, I dress and groom well, I am sociable and an excellent conversationalist, and I have been told these things by other people. I mention this in a comment above, but I have never been hit on by a woman, not once. The times I try to approach them it is almost never successful. The few times it worked I approached women who I did not find very attractive. I do not blame them, some things are handsome and some ugly. But it is not just "get in shape, dress better, learn to be funny and outgoing."
Just want to chime in that when I was 23 I got no attention from women (mostly on dating apps). Now I'm 30 and the attention I get has skyrocketed. I'm losing hair too - I've got the Bernie Sanders look going haha - so I think that there's a strong age component in there.
Just wanted to throw that out there because I was seriously dejected a few years ago over this, but things have gotten better and better as I've gotten older.
Yeah I think this is a general truth (and it’s the inverse for women, where it starts easy and gets a little harder).
Early twenties dating for men is hard, particularly in a skewed place like the bay area.
If I had to guess it’d be about status (young men are pretty low status) and age preferences. If women generally prefer someone a couple years older, the ones that might be interested in you are in college when you’re 22 so are not really in the same dating market.
Yeah, I mean I just graduated and I went to school in the bay area. Dating was much more difficult for me during my senior year but maybe I just need to go for older women now lol.
I appreciate your story but you're pretty much telling me that my dating life is going to suck for a couple of more years but it'll eventually get better, lol.
But I do understand where you are coming from. I'm hoping better treatments come out soon..
Is there anything wrong with that? Back when I was younger I just thought I was going to be ignored forever - I would have killed to know that that wasn't the case.
>I would have killed to know that that wasn't the case.
Same. It's actually pretty important information to know at that age, as it'll help prevent you from settling into a LTR with someone that you're not compatible with, because "I'll never do any better."
I was most recently single at 43, and my dating prospects were pretty great compared to what I experienced at 22. If 22 year old had been able to foresee that, I would've saved myself quite a bit of grief.
I am glad for you. This is maybe cold comfort for young people, unfortunately. Most prefer to settle down much before then or at least date first. Nobody wants to become the 40 year old virgin irl.
But to be clear, there was certainly a wide spectrum of relationships between 22 and 43. For better or for worse.
If I had to pick an age to tell my younger self to hold out for, it would probably be the early to mid 30s. That seems to be when I, and other guys I know, stopped being idiots and started taking care of ourselves. And in the process gained some self esteem and confidence.
It's always a sad to read the comment section when discussing male attractiveness; so many people with learned helplessness.
Being attractive is 3 traits: physical fitness, grooming, and sociability. The first two are easy
1. Find a sport and hit the gym. There is a sport out there you will enjoy (racket sports, team sports, martial arts, running, rock climbing). As a creature, you are meant to be active and without a sport you are living sub-optimally.
2. Find a healthy diet. Not keto or some temporary quick fix, but a habit of eating that is enjoyable and good for you.
3. Get a properly fitting wardrobe and a good barber. You don't have to break the bank or be a fashion model to look well-groomed on a regular basis. You will feel good about yourself too.
4. Sociability and confidence are the most work but still a mix of skill and attitude. I can't stress this enough, but if you feel that you can't be attractive thats the result of your environment not some inherent limitation in you as a person.
Everything else on top of these points are just extras. Nice hair, big eyes, high cheekbones, whatever else just improve on a base level of attractiveness. Go find guys who are fit, well groomed, confident and bald, then ask if they seem attractive.
Mmm no. A friend of mine is a male model and the fact that he is very good looking makes all the difference in the world.
Where I can agree is that a man can make up for a lack of attractiveness with other things. But being super attractive is simply a huge advantage, that cannot always be compensated with other qualities.
I'm pretty sure most people would agree the structure of your face is much more than an "extra," and belongs in the same category as physical fitness, grooming, etc.
Yes it is definitely. I am in 30s and have never once had a woman hit on me though I am fit, sociable, and groomed well. Though my face is perhaps worse than the average person who may be non-handsome.
Barbers also trim beards. They will also help you decide a good look for what hair you have, even if it's shave, buzz with a fade, etc. Again, well groomed is more important than the actual cut.
For the record I shave my head. But I also regularly get compliments on my beard which is due entirely to having it trimmed by a barber every 2-3 weeks.
Most bald guys have hair just not that much on the top. Shaping the remaining hair in a fashionable way is imperative. Looking like George Carlin in his later years with long unkempt hair on the sides and a bald spot on the top is not sexy.
It sounds like the approach here is to take some hair from your head, use it to culture new hair follicles, and then implant those.
Also of note, they haven't started clinical research yet, so that would be the next step. If that pans out, then presumably there would be trials, which means this probably would not practically be available for many more years.
As an aside, this kind of thing seems quite common in the area of hair loss, where early research or hypothetical treatments are hyped up. I'm not sure if it is just a function of popular media sensationalizing the situation or researchers hustling for money to do research.
I'm in my 50's and have a full head of luxurious hair, with almost no gray. I don't say this to brag, but rather the opposite, it has never helped me in any way to attract women. In fact, if I let it grow out it looks terrible because I just look like an old man with young man's hair. Very disconcerting in the mirror. I guess my message is...hair doesn't matter as much as people are led to believe.
Teeth on the other hand...if they can grow me back a set of pearly whites instead of the tea/soda-infused yellow ones I have, I'll give them all my money.
I have the opposite experience. I have pretty long hair for a guy, and it's extremely wavy and full, and it attracts women all the time when I'm out. They love to braid it, and style it.
Yeah. I was the guy who generally looked like a dweeb and never got any compliments or anything (besides the nearly backhanded “smart” comments or politeness from old people)
Grey my hair out and it turns out I have absolutely beautiful, curly hair. I would go out and nearly every time get complimented about how nice it is. I’m terrified of losing it because it’s about the only good physical quality I have.
Off subject: yellow is the normal color of teeth. Exceptionally white teeth look really weird, although the artificial, plastic, tv look is apparently embraced by some.
People overestimate the impact of meagre things like the shape of your face and the richness of your hair, when actually what matters more is your fitness, your gait and posture, and the strength you show in carrying yourself; even if we're only talking about appearances.
They're different attributes though. It's hard to argue that:
- all other things being equal, people with full hair are more attractive than people with thinning hair / bald people
- if you aren't balding, you should still take care of your fitness and posture
When you tell someone who is balding to get fitter, what you're leaving out is that "fit + hair" still looks better than "fit + no hair". So the fitness/posture thing is almost a distraction in the argument.
All combines into a final impression. Great body and all the rest can be easily ruined by ie weird shape of your head, something hair can hide very effectively. Final impression is not the sum of positive parts as much as negative ones (and for attractivity the lack of those).
Its like saying look it easy for me, I've done it so anybody can. But not all have the same conditions, genes etc.
Really there currently is no cure for baldness, it basically boils down to two treatments(in the US:
1. Preventative treatments - These are to stop hair falling out and cannot regrow dead follicles, these treatments are minoxidil(topical liquid applied to head) and propecia(a pill which has sexual side effects).
2. Hair Surgery - A Surgeon removes hair follicles from the sides and back of a patients head and then implants them into the balding area(Elon Musk had this procedure). This is limited by how bald the person is as you cannot take too much hair from the sides/back as it looks bad.
So when reading towards the end it looks like the researcher found a way to 'clone/culture' hair follicles, so basically this will allow hair transplants of 'unlimited' amounts of hair see #2 that will never fall out at least is how I read it, please correct me if I am wrong.
There's a case [1] of an old guy who fell into coal fire and regrew his hair. He basically regenerated his skin and his hair. Microneedling [2] has been used successfully to regrow hair.
Methods like minoxidil and finasteride work well as preventative measures. However, it has been shown that with advanced balding there are skin changes (e.g. fibrosis), so you have to regenerate your skin first if you are visibly balding and then use preventative methods to not lose your hair.
There are some encouraging results [3] with people using skin regeneration methods like microneedling together with minoxidil & finasteride.
This worked for me too and has been pretty neat during the pandemic. The key is to do proper fades on what is left and balance out with a little bit of a beard.
Last time I looked, this technology was not functional yet it seemed like they were trying to commercialize it in the non-functional state by pretending it was a trial. The hangup involved the step between "we inject the cultured stem cells" and "those cells actually grow hair." Have they overcome this barrier? Or is this still a "trial" that a reasonably informed person would expect to have an infinitesimal chance of success wrapped in press releases that suggest a rosier picture?
This is called "cold branding" and is used to brand/tag furred animals like wild horses. It is more humane than hot irons and the brands are easier to read at distance, but it isn't exactly pain-free.
Yes, that's it. I was mostly thinking about its use on humans. A friend of mine has a white patch on his chin and I mentioned he can even it out with dry ice.
My hair recently went significantly less white - a significant fraction of the hairs that I vainly plucked because they were white at the tips were dark at the roots. It correlated with a significant change in diet to eat more healthily, but I've noticed it happen before so it may also be seasonal or related to some other factor such as how stressed I am or how well I am sleeping.
I recently went through a hair transplant. I'm not completely bald, but my hair was thinning each passing day. I was shaving my head, but when I got the opportunity to do the surgery, I took the shot. I'm on my third month and already have some results, but after the 7th month is when I really should start seeing the difference.
I really don't know. But the transplanted hair don't have the testosterone receptor, which prevent them from falling (I'm parafrasing my doctor here). I guess I'll have to wait and see.
I'm losing hair and can't grow a beard(I can grow muscle, and testosterone is fine). So viking look isn't an option. But anything related to this research isn't hitting clinic in the next decades.
We came a long way when it comes to reprogramming cells in-vitro, and I'm sure further research will allow inducing growth on demand. However, it'd be hard to guarantee the growth won't result in cancer somewhere down the line. Unfortunately, for all of us who lose teeth the improvements in implantation technology are the only hope.
People are way overthinking this. If people are losing hair and it makes them insecure there's nothing to talk about. Stop trying to "help" by telling them the secret to being secure again or how to get women. To each their own, mind your business. LOL
Excuse me for the slight off-topic, but in regards to hair: has anyone noticed that people are shaving their heads randomly more during the pandemic? Maybe just boredom. Or a desire to self-actualize during the lockdown. What a weird way for humanity to react to a crisis. I did it too.
It's a mix of people having to cut their own hair for the first time and people who wondered what it would look like to shave it being able to do so with lower social risk during the pandemic.
I think the reason is quite simple (it was for me): The alternatives are to let your hair grow wild, go to the barber and risk getting COVID, or have someone in your family trim it with the risk of looking terrible.
Yep I always just went to a walk-in barber shop. Now they are appointment only and I just started using a clipper. In 5 minutes I am done, $25 still in my pocket, and don't have to leave the house. I am probalby never using a barber shop again.
The most oft-cited example of successful hair restoration (at least in technology circles) is Elon Musk. And yet there doesn't seem to be concrete information about what he did. I assume a well performed hair transplant.
Yeah, he had a hair transplant. Numerous (most?) male actors have them as well. It's a routine operation and it works pretty well. I know a few guys who had transplants and you can't tell they aren't natural as the surgeons are good at creating age-appropriate hairlines. The hair comes from the back of the head, out of range of the androgen-sensitive follicles in the classic male pattern baldness zone.
I understood that hair transplants don’t look natural because the implants are not at the random angles of natural hair follicles and so the hair tends to look “stiff” and unnatural. This does seem to be the case with Elon.
It's down to the skill of the surgeons. You get what you pay for, I suppose. Many people fly to Turkey because hair transplants there are cheap for some reason but from what I've heard, results can be poor for the reason you state.
It depends. For the obvious case where you are 100% bald, eg a classic receding hairline, then there is no need. But if you get a transplant into a thinning area where there is still active loss happening with the remaining follicles, then finasteride is an option. Or you can wait for more hair to fall out and get more hair transplanted in, which sounds dumb but is apparently relatively common.
A hair transplant isn't extremely expensive, and price is definitely not the limiting factor on the result you can achieve. They cost around $10k on the low end and $35k from the most expensive doctors in the USA.
Elon was lucky to have great donor sites for the hair. Likely also started using finasteride, minoxidil, and a DHT inhibiting shampoo right around when he got the transplant if not a couple years before.
I've had 3 hair transplants myself, and have spent enough time in and around hair transplant surgeon's offices to know that the vast majority of cases don't turn out as well as Elon's. Most people just don't have enough hair.
I posted this above but then saw you have direct experience and thought I’d ask: am I correct in understanding that transplanted hair is done in random patterns but not at random angles, and so the hair tends to look “stiff” and unnatural, like it has hair spray in it?
The angle, orientation and position of EACH AND EVERY transplanted graft (of hair follicles) determines the final naturalness of the outcome. This is determined by the “stroke” of the surgeon’s hand while making the recipient sites and cannot be changed by technicians during placement.
A typical poor outcome from a “chop shop” or inexperienced surgeon will likely be unnatural due to a combination of a poorly designed 2-dimensional hairline shape as well as poor angulation of the grafts creating a contrived appearance—like the example you described, but there are many other pitfalls that can occur.
An artistic surgeon will excel at the nuances of hairline shape, variations of transplanted density across the recipient area, graft size (1, 2 or 3 hair grafts) and angles of growth to create undetectability AND coverage at the same time.
You are saying random angles, but that is definitely not how hair is naturally set. The issue is more like: vertical angle throughout vs. slight angle only changing uniformly in different areas.
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If it helps anyone else out there: no one else thinks about your hair besides you. Getting rid of my anxiety around how my hair looked (checking it in the mirror all the time, using products to make it look less thin, etc) was absolutely worth giving up any illusion that my hair was going to stick around. Plus, it has made putting on sweaters so much easier, and I never have to worry about helmet hair.
If you're reading this post with a touch of anxiety about your hair, just know that it's gonna be fine and you probably look cool as hell (albeit a bit different) with a buzz cut.