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Ask HN: What helps you improve your mood and keep your sanity?
77 points by _Microft on Nov 15, 2020 | hide | past | favorite | 52 comments
There is an "Are you depressed"-AskHN trending at the moment and I am glad that people are being reminded both that they are not the only ones having a problem and that it is OK to talk about it.

In case you are suffering from an actual depression (or suspecting that you might do): you definitely should talk to someone qualified and not take advice from randos on the internet. And be it a helpline where you can just dump your worries to and get ideas what to do about them.

So, this out of the way: what does actually you help to keep our mood up? The cheaper, easier and more practical it is for most people, the better.

Among other things, activities that help me are:

- Going outdoors, somewhere where I do not need to be too careful, i.e. away from roads where I would need to pay attention to not being overrun, also not too muddy cart tracks where I would have to be careful not to step into puddles,... Just anywhere where I can more or less walk and look without anything requiring my attention.

- Doing sports feels very good afterwards, sometimes for days if the activity was intense enough. Running or walking might be the easiest thing to start, the latter does not even require comfortable clothes. Just go out and walk. Bodyweight exercises can also be intense and do not necessarily require any weights or machines. There are exercises that require no more than a yoga mat or a carpet to train on. Cheap and effective, imo. Check the web for details.

- Sauna (if you have access to one)

- Spending time for oneself if domestic bliss is lacking (running or walking is great as does not require one to justify why one would like to be for oneself).

- (Offline) reading is great, it really helps me focus on something and to silence other thoughts. This doesn't work with every book for me and I usually need to read into a few to find a good one.

- Anything that makes you feel in control to boost your (perceived) self-efficacy. (And be it something as simple as taking a pill of vitamine D each day because you are convinced that it might help you avoid a severe cases of Covid in case you ever catch it)

Other ideas?




I love this book called "Soowing Down to the Speed of Life". In one chaper the author talks about the incredible boon that comes from heading towards boredom instead of away from it. He decided to take a night to just do nothing.

At first, it was uncomfortable, but then his whole world slowed down. He started noticing things he hadn't noticed before: a particular color, a detail on a flower. It was like a different reality.

I use this idea of heading towards boredom to clear my own head. I find it incredibly helpful to sit in a dark room with no sounds and no goal for about 2 hours. After the initial discomfort (might last 20 minutes, might last an hour) my brain feels renewed and free. And the quality of my ideas goes way up.

I don't do it to be more productive though. I do it because it helps me get to a better, more attuned experience of reality. Closer to joy, peace, and acceptance, and further from always thinking about what's next.


The brain is an incredible instrument. With repeated meditation, yoga or other exercises like slowing down and being intentionally bored, you can at any time recall that feeling and focus. So meditation is not just an activity you do to calm down, but to train your mind too.

Avoiding being too hectic is good too though, or it becomes more of a mental gymnastic. The benefit of that is calmness and clarity to make better decisions and priorities.


I discovered something similar in the book "Lead Yourself First". It boiled down to: give yourself time alone with your thoughts. We've become so used to being easily distracted by checking social media, turning on the TV, browsing randomly. We've forgot how to be bored.

There is a dive bar close to me(in Chicago) that had no TVs, no wifi, and no cell service(at least for my provider). Pre-COVID, I would go there regularly to just be forced away from it all. I would read, sketch, talk to regulars, or just stare into the void.

When I lived 2.5 miles from work, I would just walk to work. Some days I would listen to a podcast, but mostly I was just stuck alone with my thoughts. It helped me level out a lot.


Things that have helped me considerably, I definitely notice if I haven't been keeping up with them.

- Go outside at least once a day, even for 10 minutes. Grab your morning coffee and just face the sun and breath and just relax for a bit. No phones allowed.

- I've halted all work on side projects during this pandemic. It's more important for me to enjoy my free-time now since the separation between home and office is not as clear with most people working from home.

- Daily conversation(s) with some friends/family. Not always realistic but contact with loved ones, even just BSing has always been helpful to me.

- Limit social media as much as possible. No offense to the people who enjoy these platforms, but I think Facebook, Twitter, Reddit are not good for humanity. Humans best interact face-to-face, even if it's over a video call.

- Limit news intake. I only look at the highlights periodically, any more than that and we're feeding that up-to-the-second news cycle that keeps us engaged and anxious.

- Read a book, any book. Phone is turned off and put away. This helps even if you're only able to do it for 30 minutes.

- Explore non-digital side projects. Have you moved home and now live with family? Is there potential to start a small garden? Something else? There's so much we can do that doesn't involve a computer or phone.


I was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 7 or 8, over 30 years ago. It's been a long time since I've been clinically depressed. Knowing that I've been through periods of down moods before helps me ride out down periods and keep patiently going through the things I've found help me cope.

I've found that high-intensity workouts several times per week are very important for my mood. St. John's Wort also works very well for me. If I start feeling a bit down, I need to make sure I get out on the weekend and don't let myself sleep in much past 10 a.m. Breathing/mindfulness exercises also help keep my mood steady.


Any photosensitivity with St. John’s wort?


I've always sunburned easily, so I'm not sure I would notice.


Birding is great for relaxing. I recently picked up a camera to go with my binos and it's been awesome. I go out to a park or my backyard for an hour or so and sit while looking for birds and taking photos. Then when I get back I spend a little while editing them and posting to ebird.

It's not 100% free, but you can get into the hobby with some 8x42 binos (Nikon Prostaffs are ~$100 and great, but you can go cheaper). Cameras can really eat budget - there is a $300 lumix that would be fine and even a cheaper point and shoot will work.

It's like fishing. If you are patient, you can see a lot of unexpected kinds of birds wherever you are. You can bird anywhere and have a nice time. Migration is a fascinating time where tiny birds wander by, popping in your area for a day and moving on.


Earlier this year I started discussing and creating side projects with my life partner. We took some simple idea we had in mind and tried to create a mobile application that we thought we be nice to have. That was really nice, and we now spend a few hours every week discussing it and doing a bit of work on new features or bug fixes.

Sharing a hobby like this was something new for us, and it works surprisingly well. At the beginning it felt like work and was a bit tensed, but we are now at a point where it feels just very nice to spend a bit of time on the project when we feel like it. We don't treat it as a business, so I guess that helps.

It's not something for every couple, but that worked for us during the past few months. And we started a more complex project since then.

In case someone is interested, the app is named "HabitCat" and is a simple way to track habits. Nothing very original, but as I said, we made it because we like to work on it together :)

Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.noodlesoup...

iOS: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/habitcat-track-your-habits/id1...


As I live alone, I got a cat. Best decision ever. She's really a sweetie and keeps me company. Even though technically the lease says no pets, my psych wrote a letter for an emotional support animal. No problem.


Our cats made lockdown bearable. Normally we wouldn't have got a pet for years, but a neighbour was moving to a place which didn't allow them and asked if we could take over.


Exercise and sauna are truly essential for me and I happen to live in Finland so the latter is very accessible.

I notice how my mood goes down quickly (specially approaching winter) if I don't exercise even if other parts of my life are ok. It doesn't matter that I have some nice goals set, good books to read, side projects, nice games... I just feel very apathetic if I don't do it.

Oh yeah and no alcohol and definitely no coffee.


Why no coffee? What are your observations?


I wrote a bit about it here in HN [1]. Not everyone is the same but for me quitting gave me back the chilled mood and personality I had before starting with coffee several years ago. I didn't realize coffee took it away until kind of recently.

[1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23001396


I was clinically depressed before the lockdown, and now I'm doing much better. I made a couple changes.

- ~1 hour vigorous exercise 6 days a week

- ~45min of rucking with a 30lb pack most days

- Skype music lessons once a week to learn a new instrument

- Playing tabletop RPGs over discord 2x a week

- quitting my stressful job for a new job that's got a very different set of challenges

- hiking and tent camping whenever the weather is not rainy

- trying to embrace Hygga now that it's getting darker here

- signing up to get access to medicinal flowers that are now legal in my state that I use sparingly to keep my tolerance low

- quit drinking alcohol

These all really combined to put me into the best place I've been in a long long time. My heart goes out to the people struggling, and maybe something here can help you!


I like to do something mundane with a guaranteed success. For example recapping vintage gear like EQ etc. Or do rewiring.


Good point, I would add that activities with tangible results are also great in general. This might be as easy as tidying up a room or raking leaves (if one actually has a garden).


There's a ton of useful ideas in Luke Prog's "How to Be Happy" post over on LessWrong: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ZbgCx2ntD5eu8Cno9/how-to-be-...


I pick a random friend I haven't spoken to in a while, and force myself to make the call even though I have nothing particular to say. Sometimes it feels like everyone is looking/waiting for an excuse to call, so they can have a chat without it feeling weird. Just do it without a reason! Feels great.


- Walking is great: I tell people that my days in general are always better if I started out with a walk or really just some kind of exercise. - Also doing tasks that allow parts of your brain to be asleep. For example if you are a software engineer that relies on the logic/problem-solving part of your brain to be sharp and awake then do an activity perhaps in the evening or on the weekend that allows that part of your brain to sleep/rest. This means engaging at something that allows you to use the creative thought process, or working with your hands perhaps on a mechanical/fix-it task. - Music also helps with mood. But finding the time when you’re ready to relax and listen to something that jives with your mental state is a challenge. It’s all about finding the alignment. - Movies can be helpful in terms of the passive engagement and allowing you to escape your reality for an hour and half can be helpful.

Overall learning to combat the problems with anxiety and mental state are not easy. It takes some trial and error but I think the biggest piece of advice is finding ways to break up your routine is helpful. I have gone years doing the same thing over and over with days on forgetting to live a little...it’s not healthy in the long term.


Facial masks (for your skin), washing my hands with fancy good smelling soap,endurance activities (run/cycle far), light a good smelling candle, open windows/blinds/increase lighting, cleaning, organizing a closet/room, talking to friends/family (you don’t need a reason!), avoid caffeine, alcohol, etc., purposely be very kind to others, execute on a side project, have a comfy bed/pillows.


This is going to sound a bit weird, but if I am in the middle of a moment of deep despair then eating something with hot peppers snaps me out of it. Something like Tabasco on popcorn, or Buffalo wings. Or sometimes just munching on sandwich peppers.

It doesn't really "make me happy", but it can remove that deep depressive feeling. Or if I'm in a good mood, it can kick-start an intensive programming session.


That's interesting. I found this: https://www.thecut.com/2018/12/can-hot-chili-peppers-make-me...


Swimming+sauna, hiking, excercise, dancing, singing, going for 100% in what I do, sharing what I can with others, being with others even if it's outside with 1 meter apart, spending time on interests, finding out more what interests me, watching good series/movies but taking long breaks in between, do things I'm afraid of doing but isn't dangerous, being creative in what I do, letting go of any cynical nature and being playfully curious, avoid thinking and supporting stuff that violates my integrity.

Humans are social beings, so living with someone is usually the better option. If one is feeling depressed, it might be due to hanging out with bad company, not pursuing your quest in life, simply lacking the stimulus you need or being too inactive. The worst is when people try to help you out of it, which makes one feel even worse. Some phases in life might be expected too, which changes over time. So having the perspective of impermanence and adventurous investigation can help explore any situation.

In many ways I'm still just a kid. Just trying to avoid being a spoiled entitled brat and act responsibly too.


Couple of ideas, not necessarily ordered by importance.

- Going into nature (walking, running, hiking, etc.).

- Corollary to (1), have a form of activity, maybe throw some Yoga in the mix.

- Interpersonal relationships (it's more difficult in these times but I believe necessary).

- Mindfulness exercises (a form of meditation).

- Sometimes doing absolutely nothing is nice / contemplation.

- Maintaining a healthy diet.

- Consistent sleep schedule (and healthy habits/routine in general).

- Relaxation, which includes sauna but also breathing exercises for example (see Wim Hof breathing method / connected breathing), massages.

- Work on your passion if you have one.

- Is maybe going to be a bit controversial, note that I am not advocating for illegal drug use (should they be illegal in your area): using psychedelics (both in microdose/macrodose format) shows very promising results with regards to regulating mood (especially for those suffering with med-resistant depression) and re-connecting with one-self/others (especially with higher doses). I recommend reading "How to Change Your Mind" from Michael Pollan as an introduction, but there are also pretty good videos on Youtube.


For me, it's working out, working out, working out, exhaust yourself for one to two hours, especially whenever you feel sad or uneasy.


The interesting thing about workouts is how they can give back energy. I can workout and feel more energetic after the exertion than before.


Speak to a same person regularly about other than work stuff, even if that person is a stranger on internet. Colleagues does not count.


Go for a run. Doesn't need to be fast - just a gentle jog for 20+ mins will do. Enough effort where it would be difficult to talk in full sentences.

There is something about it that kinda resets the brain and it can be quite meditative.


This is a small thing but weighted blankets are absolutely amazing.

I can’t put my finger on it but there’s just something so comforting about them. You end up waking up so much more refreshed. I can’t recommend it enough.


This is one thing I’ll never understand. I can’t stand heavy blankets but I do like warmth.

Just my personal preference.


For me it's abstaining from sexual activity (masturbation in my case), having empty stomach for at least 6hrs before sleep and quitting stimulants (mainly coffee in my case). Also, overeating or eating when I'm not hungry does much harm. It took me about two weeks to notice benefits from nofap and I'm never looking back. Coffee was the last thing to quit and it was impossible without nofap. If I do anything against these rules my perceived sleep quality degrades significantly and I feel like sh*t next day. YMMV.


I think you hit the big ones, I’d add:

1. meditation/self-reflection (could even be journaling)

2.talking with friends/family

3. Small pleasures (brewing that perfect cup and sitting somewhere quiet and enjoy it, taking the dog for a spin around the block in the evening

4. Limiting your news (e.g. just read the Sunday edition) and social media intake

5. Limit non-work/non-essential screen time

6. Go to bed and wake up at reasonable hours (don’t stay up late or sleep in a ton)

7. Eat healthy - don’t over eat, cut the processed foods and sugars, eat more green vegetables etc.


Going to the shooting range and shooting friendly matches between club members. Fiddling with my home servers (NUC-s). Eating chocolate. Running on an elliptical machine.


I try to go to the range once a week. For one, it gives me something to look forward to all week. Two, it's an outdoor range, so I can get some fresh air. Three, it's a hobby you can really deep dive into that isn't computers, so it keeps me interested. Four, somehow it's a good release valve. I always feel a little "high," and very relaxed driving home. Not sure if it's the boom, or the focus, or what.


1. For me, music that I like and especially Mozart can improve my mood and make me feel much more relaxed and in the moment.

2. Meeting with Friends! although in Covid times it is much difficult. Even if you meet with a friend or family once or twice a week it can make a different.

3. Learning something new that interests you by taking online courses.

4. Sometimes just going offline and just resting and letting you mind wander can improve your mood.


This site says --> Here’s what you need to know about the link between diet and mental health. https://startsat60.com/media/health/diet-and-mental-health-s...


- soaking for a long time in a hot pool in public baths

- spend a whole evening going down the musical rabbit hole online, discovering new bands and songs

- play a video game (small chunks 3-4 hrs max)

- cook something from scratch, using fresh ingrediences.

- do a day hike in the mountains

- lounge on the sofa with a hot drink and a book.

- tinker with my coffee making (filter and espresso) techniques.


Actually tiktok helped to identify new songs and seeing people do funny stuffs and cheerful.


Stick to a Keystone habit. It doesn't matter what it is. Pick something that you can do every day. Walk a mile, read for 30 mins, wake up at 6:30am, or etc. The habit can be tailored to your goals. Then, make sure you stick to it. Do it daily, make it your anchor.


Reminds me of something I read in Roy Baumeister's book "Willpower" [0] about a explorer going on expeditions. No matter what happened, he kept shaving daily. The blade might have been blunt, he might have been sick, they might have been going hungry but no matter what, he shaved daily.

Edit: I was right about the source [0] and the explorer he mentioned was "Henry Morton Stanley".

[0] https://www.amazon.de/Willpower-Rediscovering-Greatest-Human...


- workout with a personal trainer. It took a long time to find the "right" one but boy that twice a week for one hour relentless plyometrics workout is worth the stupidly large amount of $$


Listening to music, getting in the zone on something, walking / exercising and dating.

I love my weekdays and my job, the weekends sometimes are hard.


Exercise, Good food, just holding hands of people (parents for me) and sleeping.

Take things lightly literally everything.


Boardgames. Archery. Biking. My cats. Without these I would have killed myself a long time ago.


Exercise. Outside. No headphones or earbuds. Just me, the rhythm of my pace and nothing more.


Nature: get my bike, and go in the nature, pick and eat wild plants and fruits


- Running

- Breathing/Pranayama

- Avoiding wheat and sugar

- Eating leafy greens and dry fruits


Alcohol and vaping for me mostly.


A good beer.


Bath / Shower


- LSD

- Bible

(i'm serious)




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