The sexual dimorphism comes into play because male spiders are the victims of sexism in spider society. They are smaller, weaker, but eventually work towards equality.
That book is interesting but nightmare inducing!
It also introduced to me the concept of software archeologists.
His books are easily top 3 for me now
I never expected that the chapters about giant, intelligent spiders to be the parts that kept me hooked. I'm not sure I could have cared less about what happened to the humans.
That book will give you a new perspective on the term "weaponized autism".
My favorite passage in the book:
> There were programs here that had been written five thousand years ago, before Humankind ever left Earth. The wonder of it — the horror of it, Sura said — was that unlike the useless wrecks of Canberra’s past, these programs still worked! And via a million million circuitous threads of inheritance, many of the oldest programs still ran in the bowels of the Qeng Ho system. Take the Traders’ method of timekeeping. The frame corrections were incredibly complex — and down at the very bottom of it was a little program that ran a counter. Second by second, the Qeng Ho counted from the instant that a human had first set foot on Old Earth’s moon. But if you looked at it still more closely… the starting instant was actually about fifteen million seconds later, the 0-second of one of Humankind’s first computer operating systems.
The author will actually respond to you his email domain is the name of the ISP from the first book!
His books are easily top 3 for me now
I'm 85 pages in, so the sexist tones are there... but not in full force (yet, by the sounds of it). Portia's note on the male spiders always thinking about fear was... interesting. But also useful insight at the time lol.
This book is really expensive as a hardcover! I had to look around to make sure it's not a glitch.
It goes for $180-$374 on amazon.com and $630-$1222. $800 on ebay.com even! Woah.
I'm guessing it's out of print and extremely popular?
There was an issue a while ago with resellers that would look for items on amazon, and create a duplicate listing with a slightly higher price. If they got an order, they could buy the item from another amazon seller, and onsell the item for a profit.
This broke in a predictably amusing way when there were only a few vendors for an item, and all of them were doing the same thing - each vendor updating their price to be higher than the others, quickly spiralling up to ludicrous values.
Edit for typo
My favorite way to end 'em
Is the orb weaver spider's, whose pedipalp
Enters the female pudendum,
Then dies on the spot, his corpse there still stuck,
Left for his rivals to curse it.
He would rather die than not get to fuck;
Personally, I reckon it's worth it!"
--TISM, "Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me"
Spider sex is fascinatingly bizarre, but if you really want to be grossed out, look up bedbug sex. The female bedbug has no vagina analogue or other opening in which to leave sperm, so the male bedbug just kind of fucks away at her until he pierces or wears a hole in her exoskeleton and injects his sperm into that, where it floats around in her hemolymph until it finds her eggs. Female bedbugs are thus highly susceptible to coital infection, but those fuckers are nevertheless adapted for survival even despite our efforts to get rid of them.
* threads... silk... web... SWIDT?
I wonder how the lifespans correlate? Those of the mentioned species I know, the females seem relatively long lived, with in some cases investment in parenting.
Which leads to: Wolf Spiders.  These charming ladies are prolific in and around our home and are often seen carrying clusters of babies on their backs. Truly endearing.
A BBC clip about the spider: https://youtu.be/ERuJiSt8pF4 - there's more to the longer clip with Portia playing with the web of another spider to get it to move out of position and other behaviors.
There's part of the old testament that focuses on giving young men advice to not being taken advantage of by society and specifically women, so the sheer length of time OP's complaints have existed is noteworthy.
If we are talking about Proverbs 6, then -- what it has to say /could/ be spun as misogynistic, but it isn't very, really: The message (in regards to women) is to avoid adultery; the metaphor is that practicing adultery will cost you much more than visiting a prostitute (of which it presumably also does not approve). It is the kind of thing you could imagine a mother, nanna, auntie, or babushka giving to a young man as advice. Seems commonsensical enough.
If you had something else in mind though, it would be great if you could share.
Ultimately it's subjective and a value judgment. You do you.
EDIT: I shortened OP's "not entirely inappropriate" to "appropriate"
There's a difference between misogyny and protecting yourself from hardship.