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Dealing with Narcissistic Parents

I commenced my policy of non-contact / NC and it's been the most peaceful five years I've ever had. Here is my advice based on my own experience:

1. If you still live with them, move ASAP with the shirt on your back.

2. All communications with them shall be written via email, and don't tell them where you live, where you work, your bank balance, who you're dating, etc. Every piece of information will be used against you.

3. Get some therapy and start your recovery process.

Here's some things I would go back in time and tell my younger self:

    You're never going to change them.

    You are not responsible for their mental health or emotional state.

    Don't bother trying to reason with them, they are irrational.

    Don't try to earn their respect, you never will. 

    Don't agree to their assessment of your capabilities.

    Don't tell them how much money you make.
    Don't tell them how much money you have.
    Don't tell them where you work.

    You will not get them to be accountable for their actions, 
    it's useless to try.
They will act out and seek retribution when you start changing your life without their knowledge/consent/blessing/judgement. They will sabotage your best efforts if you let them into your life. Don't tell them ANYTHING. Keep it light if you must speak with them.

Don't wish them happy birthday, don't have dinner with them, don't show, call or send a card for any holiday, christmas, hanukkah, thanksgiving. Don't do it. It's a trap.

Remove the emotion from it. It's not out of spite, anger or vengeance -- it's for your health. You are not a petty person, this was in the works for a long time. It's like going for a jog in the morning. It's what you need to do to stay mentally, emotionally fit in your life.

Don't blame yourself, this is a logical consequence of your nparents actions. People around you might not understand and that's okay. The time to leave and break contact is right now.

Retake agency in your life.

Good luck everyone!




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