What has worked for me is the following:
- let the most sr tech person ("the architect ") refine the stories maybe with the PM. Then, the same person will point the stories.
- The sprint planning is only for presenting the stories to devs and giving some minor adjustments to the points if necessary
- The architect may deep dive with a dev for a certain task while pointing it.
- That way we have a standard complexity measure. We know different devs will perform different amount of points per sprint . We dont lose time in pointless neverending discussions
- it also works well in Mexico where people are not so vocal so the standard poker planning doesn't go well
Trust me, our team has tried, sadly the whole business wants to move to agile, and it’s shoved down your throat, wether you like it or not, or even regardless if it’s working for the team.
Eventually I gave up, the amount of energy wasted on these discussions is just not worth it. After a while you learn to say the right things, while also making sure you keep your technical freedom. Sometimes that meant not bringing up certain technical tasks, and overestimating others so that you have time for those other technical tasks.