Yes, I did. It doesn't change anything. It's still transphobic to lump them together and then attempt to justify your attempt to avoid them on your perceived notions.
As a thought exercise, if you were to change your argument to be one about race, it would be a racist thing to say 'I don't wish to work with black people because they take things so personal'.
You probably missed what i meant with "self-identified", in context of an online community.
A better analogy than the one you provided:
If someone comes to an online community and announces that they are cisgendered and must be referred in way X, i don't want to work with them, either.
This isn't a question of gender, race or sexuality.
Its a question about not being self-absorbed prick that forces everyone around them to walk on eggshells.
Experiencing gender dysphoria is a driving force for engaging in this kind of behavior, this is why my complaint is focused on these few trans people.
> If someone comes to an online community and announces that they are cisgendered and must be referred in way X, i don't want to work with them, either.
This literally happens all of the time, though? It's the 'default'. If you called a cisgendered man 'she' or a cisgendered woman 'he', they would likely politely correct you in the same way anyone else would. The only way you'd avoid that is by collectively referring to everyone in gender neutral pronouns which is certainly possible.
> Experiencing gender dysphoria is a driving force for engaging in this kind of behavior, this is why my complaint is focused on these few trans people.
And this is objectively wrong. People experiencing gender dysphoria is not a driving force in engaging in this kind of behavior (ie what you call 'taking everything so personal') considering, again, I have friends who have dealt with such issues and do not behave in the way you claim.
It really sounds like you're stretching your argument in attempt to justify your own transphobia. At best you're unfairly stereotyping them based on your own experiences and at worst you're behaving in an irrational manner by attempting to avoid them because you seem to think of them being 'self-absorbed pricks'. You're essentially arguing that people should shut up and not mention who they are at all.
> This literally happens all of the time, though? It's the 'default'.
No. Our conversation is a good example of that. The default is to state your business, not your sexual identity or race.
Normal people don't want to be judged by their skin color or sexuality or things like that, this is why they don't lay it out.
Stop taking sexual identity so seriously - its not central to anything.
> People experiencing gender dysphoria is not a driving force in engaging in this kind of behavior
I say, craving validation is the connecting factor. If you have different experiences with that, so it be.
> I have friends who have dealt with such issues and do not behave in the way you claim.
No one of the trans people i had relationships with acted in this way, either.
But in online communities around open source software, there are always a few black sheep that turn really emotional if you accidentally don't "respect their identity", and this includes alot of otherwise innocent behavior.
> No. Our conversation is a good example of that. The default is to state your business, not your sexual identity or race.
Is it? You started your conversation literally around identity, and claiming you chose to avoid people based on that identity. Regardless if they self-identify or not, you're the one that brought identity into this debate. The fact that you seem to choose to downplay sexual identity is rather funny, considering I'm willing to bet if you went out of your way to refer to a cisgender man or a woman as the opposite gender they would eventually get angry. So claiming it's not 'central' is bullshit.
> I say, craving validation is the connecting factor. If you have different experiences with that, so it be.
People want to be identified as who they are. Not sure how this is controversial. If you're talking to someone named John and you keep referring to him as Johnny when he says he doesn't want to be called Johnny, that's 'craving validation' by your argument. Remembering 'John wants to be called by John and not Johnny' is about as difficult as 'Remembering [Person] wants to be called by She and not He'.
> But in online communities around open source software, there are always a few black sheep that turn really emotional if you accidentally don't "respect their identity", and this includes alot of otherwise innocent behavior.
Yes, there are always a few assholes in open source development. This isn't exclusive to transgender people, I've met my fair share of cisgender people that turn emotional if you don't follow their rules. Does that mean I should start avoiding cisgender people all together?
You might come from a social environment where people are much more fragile than in my environment.
I tried to outline a specific behaviour that predominantly comes from self-identifying transgender people. If you haven't experienced these behaviours, we won't find a common ground there.
Yes, there are always some difficult people.
There are red flags to watch out for, and "self-defining as trans" is one of them.
Putting much emphasis on your sexual identity is also a red flag in general.
It's funny that you claim I come from a social environment where people are 'more fragile' when I consider it simply basic respect to call people what they want. It seems like you managed to completely ignore my John / Johnny example as well, so I think it's becoming clearer that you're not really here to debate in good faith.
Also personally, one of the red flags I find in difficult people is those that choose to stereotype an entire group. Usually they'll end up causing further problems down the line by not wanting to work as a team or ostracizing said members they stereotype.
As a thought exercise, if you were to change your argument to be one about race, it would be a racist thing to say 'I don't wish to work with black people because they take things so personal'.