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>If you want to improve your relationships though, make rule zero "minimize the extent to which you require other people in the world to change."

I actually think this is profoundly awful advice, that gets progressively worse the more intimate the relationship, as a fundamental function of human relationships is accountability.




I'd rather not have an intense sit-down over socks. I am not a boor for thinking conversational tricks to manipulate me into tidying up are the opposite of functional intimacy.


Accountability and a requirement to change are quite orthogonal.


I don’t get why accountability “requires change”— could you explain?




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