Conclusion: Chinese is absolutely the best language-family to make cryptic, gnomic, multi-layered allusions and sound like you've lived 100,000 years up a mountain eating nothing but fresh mountain air and magical peaches.
Obviously very unsophisticated compared to Chinese, but here is a similar vehicle by Kubernator Schwarzenegger to the CA State assembly: https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_336319