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I may have read something quite different than you, but he wrote about how it's almost impossible to escape the types of jobs he was in, even out of regular working hours. He writes about always being on the brink of being fired, no matter what.

His further writings talk about escapes hes tried: drinking, gambling, abusing women. He was abused himself. He didn't have an easy life. He was homeless. He won the proverbial lottery but that didnt let him escape himself. Not fully.

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