I've taken to offering three pieces of advice to these people:
1) Go through the basic language tutorial of whatever language you use (e.g. how to declare variable, conditionals, loops)
2) Go read through the essentials guide to your languages (will be slightly higher level stuff)
3) Go read the sections on Data Structures, Concepts and Algorithms and Knowledge Base in Cracking The Coding Interview skipping the problems that aren't answered in chapter. Why? Because it's a solid primer for CS Concepts that people just don't pick up unless they have to, and most importantly short enough (< 100 pages) people will actually go through it. Large CS books with the dense writing intimidate people and so they never follow through.
I've had a lot of success with this method. It's not a formal cs education by any means but I've found it's enough to get people past the constant beginner part.
We all know hiring and interviewing are basically a crapshoot. Good people sometimes don't get hired and bad people sometimes do.
a.) Be able to pass a drug test
b.) Not have any problematic debts or associations with problematic groups (e.g. Aryan Nation, ISIS)
c.) Have a certification or degree that is related to the very specific thing they are asking for.
It's entirely clearing a checklist when they're recruiting. They have no idea how to evaluate for actual competence.
It depends heavily on your COR and government leads, but the good ones are few enough that they don't get to send the norm. There are enough people who are sufficiently checked out that contracting/staffing firms can get away with murder. Indeed, it might just be impossible for them to do a good job based on what sorts of requirements they're expected to adhere to.
Unsolicited feedback: I think it should be pointed out that your attitude probably isn't helping in your job search.