It makes me insane to sit still doing nothing for that long, which I think is kind of the point -- that you have to sit with your thoughts. But I don't have any issues sitting with my thoughts, I just don't like having to do nothing, and since I didn't see any benefits after a month+, it felt really pointless.
So I guess the short answer is, a combination of restlessness and feeling like I wasn't getting anywhere.
That may be part of what you are missing with meditation. You want to have no thoughts and be in tune with your surroundings.
The technique taught to me was this.
1) Start with eyes closed and listen your surroundings. If there's a bird let it in, do not try to tune out sounds, but accept them lile a radio in the background.
2) Start at your feet and sense or feel them for about 10 seconds. Slowly move up your body, legs, arms, chest head. Sense every part of your body.. focus on it.
3) When you reach the top of your head Relax and focus on your surroundings... the wind, the feelings...
Well, that’s the point: You ‘expected’ your mind to be ‘calm’, and when your mind don’t do it what you want, you frustrated. Meditation shouldn’t be about ‘forcing’ your mind to be calm, but to let it calm, naturally. Like the muddy water in the glass, when you left it still enough, the silt will go the bottom, and the water’s clear.
What you might do instead, other than focus your mind in your body somewhere(or your breathe) is just ‘observe’ your mind as it is, like when you observe other people. Is your mind confusing?, can’t stop thinking?, fine, be whatever it want. Is your mind calm?, that’s fine, too, but don’t expect it to be calm forever, because it won’t, and that’s also fine. You don’t judge it, you don’t expect what you want to feels because you heard other people said that. You just observe it with non-judgemental, neutral feeling.
In fact, don’t even care about how long you’ve practice it, because that also raise the expectation ‘Why did my mind is not calm even after months+ of practice?’ and it’ll pressure you to force your mind to calm even more. Some day you feel good, some day you feel sleepy, some day you confusing, and that’s ok
— you just did it, everyday.
My mentor said that your mind is like growing a tree, you can’t force it to grow into giant tree instantly. You just water it, everyday. The change is not even noticeable, but after awhile when you look back, you’ll see how much the plant growth.
The peaceful feeling will come naturally when your mind is ready enough.
